#okay so I'm not *literally* gonna do that

[the-witty-pen-name]

The Love Triangle From Hell (3)

Steve Harrington x F!Reader / Eddie Munson x F!Reader

Synopsis: Following PART TWO, Steve feels even more distant from his friends- especially you; Eddie reflects on memories he has of you two; Nancy and Jonathan work together for the paper; Robin does her best to navigate what being friends with you and Steve looks like; you seek comfort in one of the only ways you know how- calling Eddie

Series Masterlist

Word Count: 3.6k

Warnings: messy messy feelings; unrequited love; cursing; arguments; crying; angst angst angsty angst; allusions to violence; miscommunication; jealousy; kissing; implications of smut; horniness

A/N: You guys are literally the absolute best. I am having the best time writing this- I'm so inspired by all of you. The love you have shown this fic so far has me overwhelmed. Thank you for your kind words, you have helped me work through some serious writer's block. Your comments and reblogs are keeping me going fr

This is unedited; please let me know what you think and if I missed anything I should include as a warning.

This series with be 18+ in later chapters MINORS DNI

His hands are tangled in your hair and he’s pulling you in close for another searing kiss. He can’t catch his breath, but he’s just so desperate to stay close to you like this. Your lips are so soft against his and your mouth is so inviting as you yank him closer. You whimper against his lips and it makes him shiver. He feels weak in the knees as you feel so pliable to his touch. You melt into his embrace and sigh happily as his lips trail down your neck. 

“Want you,” you moan softly, tugging his hair. He groans at the sensation. “Need you so bad.” 

“‘M gonna take care of you,” he promises, bringing his lips back to yours. 

“Love you,” you moan.

Before he finds out  if he says it back, his alarm goes off and he’s brought back to his reality. He groans disappointedly, covering his ears with his pillow- desperate for a couple more minutes with dream you. There’s a bang at his door. 

“Steve! Turn that shit off!” Eddie calls from the other side of the door. He’s yelling but his tone is playful. Steve hits his alarm off and drudges out of bed finally. Eddie has coffee made and Steve forgets anything is wrong at the moment. 

“Did she say anything last night?” Steve asks groggily as he pours himself a cup. 

“Um, not really,” Eddie replies, taking a moment to think about it. “I mean, yes but not about anything that we don’t know already. She’s conflicted, she doesn’t know what to think or feel. She just wants time.” 

“Okay,” Steve replies, leaning up against the counter. He takes a sip of his coffee. He needs to get to work. He can talk about this with Robin when he gets there. 

When you called Eddie, you didn’t expect Steve to answer. You thought maybe he’d say something- you wanted him too. But he didn’t. You couldn’t read him anymore.

Eddie was thrilled to hear your voice. He’d missed you, and he’d missed talking to you. He wanted that piece back as soon as he could get it. He reveled in the way his name sounded coming from you. 

“I’m so sorry,” you apologize, “I didn’t mean to upset Steve- I heard the way he dropped the phone down…” 

“It’s okay sweetheart,” he says compassionately. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” 

He’s met with a sad feeling of silence. 

“I’m happy you called,” he says gently. He hopes the sentiment makes you feel better. 

“I’ve missed you,” you admit, and Eddie feels like his heart might swell out of his chest. 

“It’s hard when the two people who you talk about everything with are the people you want to talk about,” you joke, and he laughs with you. 

“You can talk shit about me,” he teases and he hears you groan. He bites his lip, holding back a smile. 

“How are you doing?” You ask, changing the subject. 

“Much better now,” he flirts. 

“How are you doing, really?” You ask again, your voice sounding more fragile. 

“I meant, honestly- not great. But not worse than anyone else is doing right now.” 

“Yeah…” 

“I miss you a lot too,” he admits. He runs a hand through his hair, and it reminds him of how amazing it felt the last time you played with his hair. He’s craving that touch so badly. 

When you both were in high school, Eddie went out of his way to make sure you always had a seat at the table. He’d notice as you stood with your cafeteria tray, waiting for Steve to realize there was no open seat for you at his table. He’d wave obnoxiously to catch your eye and he’d smile at the way you’d get shy from the attention. He’d point at the empty seat next to him, and he’d grin as your eyes light up in realization you had a spot. You’d shuffle through the crowd and take your seat next to him. You’d take a seat and ruffle his hair in your hands. 

Eddie was always a creature of habit. As much as he exudes chaos, he actually thrives in having a routine. Don’t get him wrong- it’s never been a good routine… but it’s routine nonetheless. In high school it was a lot of the same. Tuesdays, Corroded Coffin played at The Hideout. He would get home way too late and never get in bed until close to 3am. Wednesday mornings, he’d sleep through his alarm and stroll into first period consistently 10ish minutes late. Thursdays he prepped for Hellfire, and then of course, the piece the resistance was Friday. Hellfire. An epic campaign that would run several hours and ensure the most recent shit week had been worth it to make it to that moment. 

He remembers that he was paralyzed when the group proposed to postpone Hellfire one time his first senior year. It snaps him out of his thoughts, as he was so wrapped up in you- and how close you were sitting. Eddie knew that hypothetically, it shouldn’t matter if the date changes. However, he couldn’t wrap his head around change. He hated it- still does. A disruption from his status quo throws off his entire week and it will take him too long to mentally recover. He knew that he came off as a hard ass, but he prefers it than trying to explain his mind to his friends. He had felt  his jaw tighten as he tried to rationalize with himself that it can be okay to switch it up. He unclenched his fists once he realized that he was making his knuckles white unintentionally. 

“Uh yeah, no problem. Saturday’s fine,” he was able to manage through gritted teeth. He relaxed when he could look past himself and see his friends smile, thanking him and happily chatting about the campaign. He smiled when he observed that his decision made everyone happy. That for him outweighed the internal struggle. 

He didn’t really listen to the reason everyone wanted to reschedule, but he picked up on after the fact that everyone is talking about the Snow Ball. He couldn’t help but recoil back into himself as his friends talked about their plans to go- who they’re asking, what suit they’re getting, what songs would play, and whatever. He couldn’t have cared less. Unless… 

His eyes wandered to sneak a glance at you. He wondered if you had plans- maybe you're hoping someone asks you. Maybe, he’s lucky and you were hoping that someone would be him. He wondered if you had a date. Maybe you already had been asked. It’s not like you had been aware of the way Eddie’s felt about you- unrequited feelings that tugged on his focus constantly since he’s known you. You caught his eye and offered him a shy smile and he could crumble. 

Eddie immediately averted his gaze, and focused his attention back on his friends. He ignored the way his face suddenly became so warm and he ignored the butterflies that were swarming around in his stomach. He couldn’t allow himself to dwell on these feelings- he knew that there’s no way you feel the same. Who could possibly like him? 

He felt a pressure when the freshman looked at him, one of them having asked Eddie about his own plans. Eddie sees the way the kids look up to him, they idolize him. He knows they think he’s cool. He can’t let that go just yet, he loved it too much. He needed it. He wanted to have them hang on to this version of him for as long as they’d believe in it. 

So, despite his usual distaste in school sanctioned functions, he did not want to allow the kids to think he couldn’t score a date. He could only blame society so much before they realized it’s actually his own fear of putting himself out there that cramped his dating life more than anything else. He then resolves that he needs a date to this dance. He tells himself that it’s for the freshman, to keep up the cool facade or whatever. But in actuality, he just wanted to ask you because he wants to ask you out. It’s his perfect window of opportunity. 

“Oh, I hadn’t thought about it, honestly,” you said, when one of the freshmen asked you if you had plans. “I’d been so busy with the play, I haven’t had a chance.” Eddie watched as you glanced over to Steve’s table. “Steve and I usually would go to this kinda thing,” you said quickly, and Eddie could see your apprehension despite your best attempt to hide it. “We’ll probably go as friends again.” 

He said nothing. 

A few days later, you called Eddie and he could immediately tell you’re upset. You’re doing your best to hold it together but he can tell you’re almost at your breaking point. 

“Hey,” you say, your voice straining as you try not to cry. “I know this is totally not your thing, but I’m kind of in a bind.” 

“What can I do?” He asked, sitting up straight on his bed. He was getting ready to locate his shoes or his keys- thinking you’re in trouble somewhere. He’ddrop anything to come get you. 

“I know you’d probably rather do literally anything else, but um, I have two tickets to the Snow Ball and I already bought a dress…” 

“I thought you’d be going with Steve?” He asked. You sniffled. 

“Um, yeah I kind of just assumed he’d take me. I didn’t realize that he asked out Nancy Wheeler,” you choked back tears. “I mean it’s not like that,” you lied, maybe not to Eddie but more to yourself, “we’re just friends. But I still thought He and I would be going together like as friends again- you know? But, uh, yeah- he is taking like a real date.” 

“I know you’d hate it, and I will make it up to you. But, I already bought the tickets and I can’t get my money back. It’s like not a date or anything, just like a friend thing…” 

“I’d be happy to take you,” he replied, sincerely. He can tell you were expecting him to fight you on it. When would you catch on that he’s willing to do anything for you? 

“Eddie, thank you so much,” you sniffled, still trying your best to keep it cool. “I owe you one,” your voice cracks and you hang up quickly before he gets a chance to say anything. 

Eddie didn’t really understand back then why you were even friends with Steve to begin with. Eddie thought Steve, frankly, was a total douchebag. However, once he actually got to know Steve- it was a different story. He couldn’t resent Steve. He loved him like a brother now. And once Eddie got to know the Steve you’ve always known, your feelings for him made sense. But at the same time, Eddie held his tongue for all the things Steve did or didn’t do for so long. Steve was good guy at his core, Eddie understood. But his actions didn’t reflect that in Eddie’s eyes. But it wasn’t his place to tell you that. It didn’t seem right. You’d known Steve so much longer than him. 

Nancy and Jonathan invited you and Robin to go with them to watch Lucas’ basketball game. You were excited to get out of your little apartment and support Lucas. Jonathan was photographing it for The Hawkins Post. Jonathan paced up and down the court side to get photos, and you sat up in the bleachers with Nancy and Robin. You were never one to go to school things really, but it was Lucas’s senior year and it was a big game- of course you were going to be there. 

“It feels weird, Steve not being here,” Nancy whispers to you and you nod in agreement. 

“Yeah, everything just feels weird right now,” you agree. “You and Jonathan are okay?” 

“We’re good. We’re doing good, um, still working through stuff but we’re going to just work through it.” 

“That’s good.” 

“Robin?” Nancy asks, and Robin turns her head to pay attention. “How’s things with Vicky?” 

Robin’s face turns tomato red. “Fine,” she mumbles, happily. “I’m gonna hang out with her tomorrow.” You elbow her teasingly, making her blush redden. 

“How’s it feeling? Being the best at all of this out of us?” You tease. 

“I don’t know,” she’s so embarrassed, it’s so sweet. “We both just like each other- it’s not that complicated. She’s so great.” 

The three of you turn your attention back to the game at the sound of the whistle. You clapped and cheered the loudest whenever Lucas had the ball. He tried to plead with the lot of you to tone it down, casting weary looks in your direction. You couldn’t help yourselves. You felt so proud of him. 

You decide to take a walk to the concession stands and get some snacks for everyone. You order four sodas and two large popcorns- one for Jonathan and Nancy and one for you and Robin. You fish the cash out of the front pocket of your jeans, and hand it to the kid working the window. You thank him, and balance it all in your hands to navigate carefully back to the stands. 

You see a familiar face coming down the hallway, sprinting. For a moment, you can’t help the smile that forms across the expanse of your face until you remember what’s been going on. Your face falls, and you feel so stupid for being excited to see him when it hits you again all at once. 

You don’t think Steve knew you’d all be here, because he looks just as surprised to see you. He stops and his sneakers squeak across the polished gym floor. He looks at you with an expression of pure panic. He totally didn’t think you’d be here. And you’re surprised he came alone- but of course he did, he’s Steve. Of course, he’s going to show up to every game for Lucas. You shouldn’t expect any less. It still takes you back. 

“Can I help with those?” he asked, gesturing for you to pass some stuff to him. You nod, and tilt so he can take some of the things from your grasp. 

“Where are you sitting?” He asks, and you nod your head towards Robin and Nancy. His face deflates. “Ah, okay.” He walks over with you, and he passes the items in his hand off to Robin. He moves aside so you can walk back into your spot. 

“Thanks, Steve,” you offer him a soft smile, appreciating the effort despite the circumstances.

“Yeah of course,” he mutters, backing away, lingering for a moment because the seat that’s usually there for him between you and Robin isn’t there. He quickly pulls himself out of his thoughts and just heads over to the next row of bleachers, finding a seat next to a couple of his old basketball teammates that are here for their little brothers. 

Steve can’t even focus on the game,  he keeps trying to steal glances of you from his peripheral vision. He wants to know what Robin said that made you laugh like that, and he wished he could have heard your laugh- but you’re too far away from him. He watches as your jaw drops at something Nancy tells you, and he watches how you cheer so happily for Lucas. He wants to know if this is bothering you the way it’s bothering him. You look like you’re keeping it together and he wants to know if that could truly be the case. 

Even when you’re carrying so much hurt, you give off such a radiance that Steve and he’s sure everyone else is just drawn into. Your pretty smile and your bright eyes are all he can think about- he only knows when to cheer when he feels the people around him move. He smiles when you stand up and pose, pointing to Lucas- then Lucas matches it, giving it back to you. He watches as you both share that moment of just pure joy, and his heart aches. He doesn’t know if he could ever make you that happy. 

When the game was over, you looked to see if you could find Steve but there was no sign of him. You all invited Lucas to go out for celebratory pizza for his big win, but he wanted to go with his teammates. The plan fizzled pretty much after that. Robin wanted to get home so she could call Vicky and Jonathan and Nancy wanted to head home so Jonathan could start developing his photos. When you and Robin are walking out, you see a familiar van. 

“I’ll bum a ride from Nancy,” Robin assures you, pushing you in Eddie’s direction. She waves to Eddie from a distance and then jogs to catch up with Nancy and Jonathan. 

“What are you doing here?” you ask with a smile. He pushes himself off of the hood of his van and walks over to you, his hands in the back pockets of his jeans. 

“I thought you might be here,” he quips. “Plus, I had to poke my head in- Sinclair is some big shot apparently?” he jokes, “I had to check out for a few minutes.”

“He’s really great,” you agree. 

“Was Steve here?” Eddie asks. 

“Yeah I saw him. He didn’t really stay either- I mean he stayed for the game, but we didn’t talk really.” You shrug. 

“Well,” he says, trying to optimistically change the subject, “Do you wanna get out of here? I could give you a ride home or we could get food or something- or even just drive around and not talk. I’m not picky.” 

He looks so beautiful like this, you observe. The sky is pitch black but the lights in the parking lot illuminate him perfectly with a soft glow. His hair is wonderfully messy and his smile is making it hard for you to breathe. Has he always looked like this? You wonder, astonished as it hits you all at once. He’s gorgeous. Your eyes linger, taking in every little detail you’ve overlooked before. He waves his hand in front of your face to snap you out of your trance. 

“Stop looking at me like that,” he tisks. 

“Looking at you like what?”

“Like you’re trying to jump my bones,” he chuckles. Your face warms, and suddenly you realize how long you must have been staring. 

“Ha, right,” you joke sarcastically, or at least, trying to joke sarcastically. You walk past him and get into the passenger side of the van and try your best to compose yourself in the few seconds it takes for him to follow suit. 

“Okay, sweetheart,” he says, turning over the ignition, “where to?”

“Can we just drive around like we used to?” you ask- the circumstances of tonight making you feel so nostalgic. 

“Of course we can,” he hums, passing you the case of his cassettes- a familiar and welcomed sight for your tired eyes. 

You watch Eddie as he drives, and observe the way the muscles in his arms flex ever so subtly as he turns the wheel. You watch his ringed fingers tap across the top of the steering wheel and you can’t help it the way your mind wanders. You’re so wrapped up in the way his hair sways so effortlessly and the movement of his jaw as he sings, you don’t even notice that Steve was leaving the gym just in time to see you both drive away. 

After a little while of aimless driving, and hitting up the drive thru, Eddie ends up parking at Lover’s Lake when neither of you are ready to go home just yet. 

“Eddie?” You ask absentmindedly, finishing off the milkshake he got you. “Can I ask you something?”

“Shoot,” he replies, also finishing his, but with an obnoxiously loud suck of his straw- determined to get every last sip. 

“Why do you like me?” you ask, cringing almost immediately. You think you sound like a middle schooler or something- you’re so embarrassed. His eyes widen for a brief second, contemplating his answer. He tosses the empty cup into the back. 

“First off,” he criticizes teasingly, “I did not say I liked you- I’m in love with you. Get your facts straight, ma’am.” 

“My apologies,” you giggle, holding your hands up in defeat.

“I mean- I love everything about you; always have,” he starts. “You’re sweet and kind. I think you’re beautiful. I think you’re incredible, and sometimes I can’t figure out why you wanted to ever be friends with me in the first place.”

“Eddie?”

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“Would you kiss me?” 

Eddie’s a goner when you’re looking at him with those doe eyes. More than anything he wants to lunge across and close the space between you. It’s everything he’s ever wanted. It takes every fiber of his being to hold himself back..

“I don’t know if I can kiss you without knowing if I could ever kiss you again,” He whispers, but it doesn’t stop him from leaning in towards you. His hand lifts to hold your cheek and suddenly he’s so close. Closer than the two of you have ever been. His lips are tantalizingly close to yours when his forehead touches yours. A huge bang on the side of the van scares you both away from each other. 

“Give her time, my ass, Munson! Get the fuck out here! Get your fucking hands off my girl!”

Taglist:

@sunshinepeachx @downbear @fanlifeaamt @exploding-bonbon @losingmygrasponreality @skiddypiddy @andvys @djodirt @moonlightsolo @kyga01 @sheisjoeschateau @melaninjhs

[htaesan]

　ᅠ ✿　ᅠ IT’S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS　　────　ᅠ ( park sungho )

𝓹recis ⠀ : ⠀love, to park sungho, is just a waste of time. yet when he falls for you (literally), he might just change his mind.

　　　ᅠ 박성호 ⠀⠀◜◡◝ ⠀⠀𝒇 reader ⠀wc 1.7k ⠀ genre love at first sight fluff meet-cute baker / cafe au ⠀ contains mentions of food profanities ⠀ note my first fic here AND my first bnd work ever! sungho's just awkward in here kekeke (actually idk what i'm writing here) ⠀ tagging @a-dream-bookmark ,@/k-labels , @k-nets , @k-films , @sgz-net

　　　ᅠ ＞︿ 　　please leave feedbacks 　　& 　　reblog

Sungho wasn’t the type to easily fall in love. To him, love is a waste of time and money—why would you pour your heart, time, and effort out to someone who you won’t even spend the rest of your life with? All of his friends, from different points of his life, have tried various ways to get his heart hooked onto a girl. But, of course, none of their attempts proved successful. To everyone around Sungho, he’s just a cute guy with a heart of stone. 

However, after 20 years of letting Sungho decide for himself, the universe decided to catalyse the whole entire reaction for him—pushing the future love of his life into his face, right at his workplace, where he had only recently gotten a job at. 

Literally. 

“Oh my god…” 

You blink confusedly—one second ago, you were getting up from your seat to go grab the drinks the barista had prepared for you. Now, you’re on the floor, with lattes spilled over your clothes, and your back slightly aching from the impact. 

“What the f—oh my goodness, I’m so sorry,” Sungho says, scrambling to his feet. How could he be so stupid? Knocking a customer down and drenching the lattes in her hand all over her is certainly going to ruin his perfect reputation. Quickly, Sungho reaches out his hand, offering it to you. 

You look up, eyes widened. Was this handsomely cute guy the one who pushed you to the floor, having both of your drinks soaking your clothes? You blink again, perplexed, as you try to take in the situation. 

“Oh, yes,” you mumble, taking his hand, realising that people are watching. 

“I’m really, really sorry, ma’am. I didn’t mean to–” 

“It’s okay,” you say through your polite smile. As you steady yourself, you look down on your outfit and realise that it is certainly… not. 

Sungho watches you analyse the situation of your latte-drenched clothes with eyes widened in horror. He panickedly searches for napkins in his apron and his pockets, and hands you a crumpled one he’s found in his pocket. “Here.” 

You give him a chuckle. “It won’t really help a lot but,” you pause, grabbing the napkin from him, “it’s the thought that counts, hm?”

Bingo. 

As you smile, tingles rush through Sungho’s skin. He’s suddenly hyper aware of how his arm is still extended awkwardly, long after you’ve received the napkin. His eyes blink forcedly as he retracts his hand. Sungho gulps, weirdly feeling faint.  

“Well,” you chuckle sheepishly. “It’s getting awkward—I should go back to my table. Thanks for the napkin,” your eyes look at the name tag pinned to his apron, “Sungho.”

You give him one final smile before walking away, oblivious to Sungho’s tongue-tied state. 

“Yo, Sungho,” he hears Dongmin, the barista, call. “Are you gonna just stand there or what? The mess ain’t gonna clean itself, you know.”

Sungho then burst himself out of his daze, scurrying to clean up the mess, ignoring the eyes of people in the cafe. As he’s mopping the final traces of the homemade tomato sauce off the floor, his eyes catch a glimpse of you—laughing angelically, illuminated by the sunlight shining through the window. 

That was two weeks ago. And Sungho is desperately trying to get rid of this fluttering in his empty stomach, one that he feels every single time his brain replays the scene in his mind. 

Love is a waste of time, he repeats to himself like a daily mantra. 

However, Sungho knows that repeating that isn’t doing anything to combat the fact that his cheeks are heating up every single time he sees you walk into the cafe. And, certainly, hiding behind the fresh baskets of bread he baked this morning and eavesdropping on you ordering your menu for the day isn’t a really good solution, either. 

“What the hell, Sungho?” Dongmin hisses. “You almost hit me!”

Sungho smiles sheepishly. “Sorry, Min.”

“Welcome to The Boy Next Door. Good morning, Y/N,” Sungho’s attention is pulled to Donghyun, the part-time barista, who’s greeting you. You smile back, leaning against the counter as you think of what to get for the day. 

“Good morning, Donghyun,” you nod. 

“What’s the occasion today? Assignments or an online meeting that you can’t be bothered to take at home?” Donghyun asks, giggling. 

You laugh with him. “I need a quick brunch—I have a nail appointment after this. What do you suggest?”

Maybe it’s the love hormones, or maybe it’s the fact that Sungho’s completely bewitched for you—he stands upright, eyes staring straight at you. Without hesitation, he voices, “you should try the Mushroom Cream Pasta—it’s my own recipe.”

Regret flushes through Sungho as your eyes widen with surprise. “O-oh! Sungho, I didn’t see you there,” you say with a fond look that makes Sungho’s heart pump even faster than it already is. 

“Sungho… what are you doing?” Donghyun questions. 

“I…” 

Cover this up quickly, you idiot. 

Sungho gives you a small grin. “Well, I just heard that you wanted a brunch… idea? So, I gave you one!”

You laugh, and it hits Sungho right in the heart. “Alright, I’ll take one of the Mushroom Cream Pasta,” you tell Donghyun, who nods in response.  

“You’ll be cooking it for me, right, Sungho?”

Yes, ma’am. 

And that’s how Sungho found himself in the kitchen, eagerly yet nervously cooking up a pasta dish for the girl he’s somehow grown shy of. As he’s tossing the ingredients together, Sungho thinks about your laughter—how angelic he finds it, and how it makes your eyes crinkle so cutely. As he’s grating the cheese into the pan of pasta, Sungho’s reminded of his “meet-cute” with you—how cool you sounded when you shrugged off his frantic apologies, instead of getting worked up about it like some other customers do. As he’s carefully plating the dish with rather shaky hands, Sungho confirms to himself—he might just have a tiny crush on you: one of The Boy Next Door’s loyal customers. Cupid’s cheering in the background—his arrows had hit the target, exactly where it’s needed: right at Park Sungho’s heart.

“Here… you go,” Sungho manages with a small voice. He stands rigidly at your table, his arms tightly kept next to his body. He forces a polite smile, secretly wishing that you wouldn’t notice his nervousness. 

“Are you usually this awkward… or is it just me?” you ask, laughing at how wide his eyes get at your question. 

Sungho quickly shakes his head. “No! Certainly not, I’m not… usually... awkward…”

You laugh again. “Well, then it’s just me.” 

If it were totally up to Sungho, he’d love to just take a seat in front of you and watch you eat. However, the universe isn’t totally on his side, so he excuses himself to go tend to another customer’s order. 

“Hey, man,” Dongmin says, catching Sungho’s attention. He looks up from the salmon sandwich he’s constructing. “Is it just me or you’re just weirdly obsessed with that girl by the window?” 

Sungho’s eyes widen in surprise, and he gives a train of awkward laughs. “What? No… what are you talking about?”

No, you know what he’s talking about.

“Dude, even a five year old can catch up on it,” Dongmin rolls his eyes. He ruffles his hair before continuing. “You better shoot your shot before it’s too late—I think she’s just waiting for you to ask at this point.”

“Huh?” Sungho says, handing the finished plate to Lia, another coworker who passed by. 

“Are you really dense or what?” Dongmin replies, laughing. He pats Sungho’s shoulder before signalling towards you. “Y/N, right? Just go tell her you like her.”

Flabbergasted, Sungho freezes. His eyes widen in realisation, and everything starts to kick in. 

He actually likes someone.

He likes you. 

Dongmin is just teasing him, trying to get him to like you—however, little did he know that this isn’t a simple tease that Sungho would ignore. 

“It’s a fucking wake up call,” Sungho mutters to himself. “I… finally like someone.”

However, being a man with no experience of approaching a girl he likes, Sungho remains at his post, arranging freshly baked pastries as he waits for you to finish your meal and pass by him when you walk out of the cafe. 

“Sungho!” you exclaim, rushing towards him. 

“Yeah?” he replies, breathless somehow. 

You smile shyly. “Thanks for the meal—I mean, for cooking it. It’s really good! I love it.”

Sungho mirrors your smile. “You do?” he laughs, “oh—oh my God! I- that’s such a relief! I really– I really thought it’d be horrible or something, you know, I’m afraid I accidentally put in sugar instead of salt, and sour cream instead of the normal one… you know?”

You nod, still smiling. “It’s really good, Sungho. I’d eat it again next time I need brunch.”

“Of course! Yeah, yeah. Of… course,” Sungho nods, eyes darting here and there. 

“Also, may I ask you something?” you continue. 

Sungho tilts his head as he narrows his eyes a little. “Sure, of course.”

Taking a deep breath, you say, “did I… do something wrong? To you? ‘Cause all you’ve been doing these past couple of weeks is avoiding me whenever I come in…”

Sungho sucks his breath through gritted teeth, pinching the bridge of his nose. He exhales heavily before replying. “Are you… willing to hear me out?”

“Yeah, of course,” you nod. “Make it quick though, I have a nail appointment soon..”

“So, this is really really awkward—’cause we’re talking in the middle of the cafe, and I’m holding bread tongs as I’m speaking—I told my friends for the past twenty years that I’d never fall in love, and that love is a waste of my time but then I kinda fell in love and I would absolutely love it if you gave me the honour of becoming your boyfriend,” Sungho says, in one go, without taking a breath in between his words.

“Oh.” is all you’re able to manage. 

“So,” Sungho gives you a smile. “I know the… first impression isn’t great but I could make your second impression of me better?”

You laugh, giving him a napkin that you’ve neatly folded into a heart and written your phone number on it earlier. “Actually, it’s the third impression. And of course, feel free to make it better than the pasta you made me just now.”

― © htaesan, 2025.

[thanosscross]

Baby - Choi Seung- Hyun/ T.O.P x reader Part 4

Summary: The next forty eight hours would be crazy for you, between going public with your relationship with Seung Hyun, to becoming a backup dancer for Bigbang out of the blue

Warnings: Details of the reader having a panic attack

Today was a big day for not only you and Seung Hyun, but for the rest of the band as well, you and your boyfriend were finally going public with your relationship, feeling as if you were stable enough after a full year together to let everybody know.

As you looked in the mirror one last time you took a deep breath, the next time you'd leave this house you wouldn't be known as the boys's new friend, you would be known as Seung Hyun's girlfriend, even if had been official for a year, you were still nervous about the millions of people who admired your boyfriend and how they'd feel. Opening the door you jumped yelping as you were met face to face with Dae-Sung "Are you okay, dear?" He asked softly resting a hand on your shoulder "Seung Hyun is with our boss..but he wanted someone to check on you" He explained, you offered him a smile trying to shake your nerves "I'm okay, just a little nervous" You whispered trying to shake the nerves out, literally, Dae-Sung giggled at your actions, before hugging you gently "it's okay, you're our girl, we're not going to let anybody say anything negative, especially Seung Hyun" He reassured, you nodded softly, returning the hug before looking at him "So..How do I do this?" You asked tilting his head, while you modeled occassionally, you had never done a whole announcement video before, but the boys swore that their video announcing their new tour dates would be an amazing time, that way you could go with them.

"Oh! It's gonna be so easy, dear! Just follow Seung Hyun's lead, we've got it all scripted out" He smiled, leading you to the living room excitedly "Baby" Seung Hyun's voice was like a warm hug to you as soon as he called you, you approached him quickly, hugging him as tightly as you could, it had been almost a week without him while they filmed music videos, and that was hell enough for you. "Ready?" He smiled placing his hands on your hips, you nodded, before tilting your head "I still don't know what I'm doing" You giggled, hoping he'd give you some direction, but instead he just chuckled "Just look pretty for me, baby" He whispered to you as their manager held the phone starting to record "Hello! It's BigBang! We're so excited to share with you that we'll be going on tour again!" Dae-Sung cheered, Ji-yong noticed his cue furrowing his eyebrows "Top! Get over here we're recording our tour video!" He shouted before their manager turned the camera towards the both of you, you sqeaked in shock as Seung Hyun held the back of your neck, pressing his lips against yours deeply causing your cheeks to heat up rather quickly, the camera turning back to the boys quickly as they stared in 'shock' "Y/n!" They shouted before their manager gave the go-ahead that they were done recording, Seung Hyun slowly pulled away, looking you in the eyes before smiling, your face was hot with a blush that you attempted to hide with your hands.

Nobody was expecting the video to blow up as much as it did, the more surprising part was you were getting more love than hate, most of the reactions you had were about how adorable it was how flustered you got with your boyfriend, or your height difference, or the face Top was gently with grabbing you, but not so gentle with his kiss. As you sat in the airport you scrolled through you phone watching the boys and their management team talk, not wanting to be nosey you looked down to your phone again, not noticing the four boys slowly making their way to you "Y/n" "Dear" "Darling" "Baby" You heard back to back, you sighed looking up at them, unable to hide your smile "Yes?" You asked giggling, starting to feel the effects of your medication take over, it wasn't that you were high, but the longer you fought off the sleep the pills induced, the more you'd feel high, aw, the joys that come with the fear of flying while dating a K-pop idol. "One of our back-up dancers isn't going to make her flight..and since you've already been our back up dancer before for videos...we were thinkingggg" They started before all of them started to talking together "I don't care" You shrugged, not realizing in the moment you'd be on stage, in front of hundreds of thousands of the people, the boys cheered loudly before being hushed by Seung Hyun "Shhhh, public place" He reminded, helping you out of your seat to start heading towards the plane.

You slept the entire plane ride, even needing Seung Hyun's help waking off of the plane due to not being fully awake, whenever you did finally wake up, you were standing against Seung Hyun's side, his arm wrapped around you as they waited for their bags to come around the baggage claim. As everybody grabbed their bags you took notice to everybody thanking you again, why were they thanking you so much? All you did was take an amazing nap? Getting to the hotel you slowly started to realize something was agreed upon at some point seeing two different sets of costumes in your room closet. "My love?" You called out, seeing your boyfriend emerge from the connecting room "Babyy" He smiled "Are you ready for tonight?" He asked grabbing your hands gently "About that...What am I doing?" You asked before pulling your medication out of your purse waving it at him "I can't remember" You offered, he looked at you almost like he was going to get in trouble as the words now echoed in Seung Hyun's brain 'Baby, I have to take these so don't ask me to do anything, or ask me anything important'

"So..I might've forgot...and We asked you if you'd be our back up dancer, because one of ours missed her flight" He shyly recalled, you groaned letting your hand fall against his chest "Do you know how many people will see if I ruin something!?" You shouted, starting to pace, you heart hammering in your chest, you breathing started to become erratic as you tried to wrap your arms around yourself as a self-soothe tactic. "Baby, you haven't ruined anything ever" He stated trying to grasp ahold of you, but you stepped out of reach last minute "Seung Hyun! This is your guys's career!" You shouted, not noticing the three other boys slowly making their way into the room hearing your panicked shouts, you were trying to hold back sobs as you also tried to catch your breath pacing. "I-I don't even look like your back up dancers!" You added on, wiping the tears that were sitting on the curve of your top lip "I can't do that, Seung Hyun!" You gasped a bit as you slammed into his body, now suddenly standing right in your path, Seung Hyun grabbed your face, not rough enough to hurt you, but not exactly gentle either. "Y/n. You're spiraling, take a moment" He demanded, his tone stern, you took a few shaky inhales before grabbing onto his wrist tightly, desperate to get an actual breath of air rather than what you've been doing. "Keep going, you're okay" He added on, his tone still stern, but the volume of his voice was a lot softer. You hiccupped sightly finally taking a deep breath, feeling the familiar light headed fuzzy feeling throughout your body.

Seung Hyun kept ahold of your face, repositioning it to look at him "I won't force you..but I will say, You haven't and won't ruin anything, and the fact you're so quick to insult the woman I love is starting to irritate me" He said, his tone becoming harsher, you nodded slightly feeling his touch become a little more gentle than before "I just...you guys have an image with everything..and...I don't want to mess that up" You muttered, Seung Hyun sighed "Our image is just that, ours, we do what we want with it, with management approval, we want you" He stated, You nodded before hugging him tightly "Promise you'll help?" You asked, only now noticing he had started to get ready "We all promise to help" He agreed motioning to the separating door, the boys leaving the minute Seung Hyun grabbed you, not wanting to see you two fuck if you did.

The start of the show was smooth, you were remembering everything that was shoved at you in such a short amount of time, until their song Bae Bae. Halfway through you noticed you had completely forgot, you knew you couldn't run off stage, almost as soon as you realized, so did your boyfriend, making his way over before grabbing your hand pulling you forward slightly, to stand in front of him. He kept moving to the music, slowly moving your hand to rest on his neck before raising his arms up bouncing to the beat. Seung Hyun kept close to you, making sure if he was rapping his verse and had to leave your side he held your hand before handing you over to one of the other boys.

The rest of the show you kept losing yourself in thought, going on auto pilot basically as you danced, not really realizing the show was over until you were back in the dressing room "Listen Y/n the fans loved you! And I swear! Your body language with everybody was hot! You have to preform with us more!" The boys cheered following behind you, you turned around raising your eyebrows towards them "Hey! She's still my girl even if she had to dance with you" Seung Hyun reminded pulling you close "We have a small interview after this, do you want to start a shower for us?" He asked softly, pressing his lips against yours for a moment before changing into something more comfortable.

You did choose to stay back, letting the boys do their thing a few rooms away, the boys laughed as the interviewer started her next question "So! Top, Fans have seen your spicy video of you showing you're a taken man now, tell us, how did you come into contact with Model Y/n l/n?" He asked, Seung Hyun blushed brightly, Dae-sung proudly standing up "I've got this!! I'll be y/n!" He cheered before starting to spin making his way over to Seung Hyun, falling into his arm, Seung Hyun a mixture of blushing and giggles, catching his friend quickly, not wanting him to fall. "ooo You're hot!" He cheered in a high pitched voice, Seung Hyun laughed loudly shaking his head "That is not! What happened! You be me! I'll be Y/n! I'm around her the most" Seung Hyun protested, Dae-sung just laughed agreeing, the other boys laughing louder as Seung Hyun smiled giving Dae-Sung a flirty look through his eyelashes "Hi baby, I'm t.o.p" Dae-sung said, trying to mock his friend's voice, failing miserably "I'm y/n..sorry my friends are crazy and pushed me over" Seung Hyun explained, twirling his hair in his finger before laughing "and that's basically it" Ji-Yong smiled, knowing the two would continue joking if he didn't stop them, which is exactly what they did until you walked out, Seung Hyun shaking his chest gently against Dae-sung's arm laughing before making eye contact with you behind the camera. You covered your mouth, desperate not to make a sound, but you couldn't help it, seeing your boyfriend act so feminine was adorable and funny.

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[myrmica]

some loose thoughts on The Full Story of WORMHOLE: Minecraft’s Deadliest Exploit...

largely building on thoughts i had while watching it with my partner, and conversations i had on discord (shoutout will 75hearts irrealisms). i started writing notes in the s4 directory and it got away from me so it's a post now. disclaimer also that while i am very critical here, i still found the video interesting. the problems with it are interesting problems. second disclaimer that everything is about vitalasy (and princezam) forever.

the video is presented as The Full Story, the Truth, things spoke didn’t want to show during season 4 or in the videos he released about it then, because it would make him look too bad. he says this about it in a youtube comment, before it's released:

the first hour or so of this video succeeds incredibly in being what he says it’s going to be; you get information we’ve never heard before about the dupe war and spoke’s thought processes therein. you get this, the best moment of the entire video:

[51:00 - 54:40] Spoke: I'm not kidding when I say this, but this was probably the angriest I've ever been while playing minecraft. Not only was I so dumbfounded that I really just sat there popping totems, but after I died I was dead silent for 15 minutes. Except for the few times I practiced the lies I would have to tell Mapicc and Zam, to somehow save this plan. [Video cuts to that recording of Spoke talking to himself after he respawns. He wanders around the post-dupe-war wasteland, no items in his inventory.] Spoke: What was the thought process? [cut] I just wanna ask, what—[cut] I'm really curious… about the thought process of this one. [cut] Come here for a second—[cut] So here's the first issue. [cut] Here's the problem I see with this thinking. [cut] I thought you were very well aware of the intentions. [cut] there's a difference between... and prolonging—[cut]—I need to keep going with the plan. I want to get back to the vault. [cut back to voiceover] Spoke: I needed a way to somehow gain their trust back and keep the vault safe, so I wouldn't be banned. At first I thought about telling them my plan to trick Parrot into doing the exploit, but I already had too much on the line to risk something like that. The second idea was telling them the lie I told Parrot, about doing this for the NPPP, but that would just confirm their beliefs and they would for sure pocket the duped items. The only idea I had left was to tell them... I scripted this. A couple months before these events, I ran a staged roleplay server called Unstable, and I would invite these guys on for the scripted recordings. So I already had that stigma with me, and I assumed if I just told them I was helping the enemy find the vault for content, that I learned my lesson or something, they would forgive me and let me back. I knew from there I just had to go on with the plan in a different way, so I joined a call with them. But I didn't realize how bad I truly messed up. [cut to that call] Spoke: So what's the plan? Mapicc: Spoke, you—[exhales]—you've given us so many reasons not to trust you. Spoke: Which is? Mapicc: You speak ominously, you have a bad record, you're—you were in contact with Parrot the entire time. Vortex called me and said there are at least three or four double agents that are on Team Awesome right now, that are actually on Parrot's side. Spoke: Christ. You guys—okay, okay, i'm just gonna be completely clean, bro. Parrot's a double agent on APO. Parrot is an obvious double agent on APO. But he's not a double agent in content, guys. He's a double agent to make the story better. I literally have not told them the base coords to make this more interesting. Mapicc: The base is gone, Spoke. Spoke: YOU BLEW IT UP? Mapicc: we took— Spoke: WHAT THE--WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? Mapicc: We took a ridiculous amount of money and we're hiding far away, Spoke. Spoke: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? WHY. [cut to narration] Spoke: There was literally no point in me continuing this lie, since the vault was confirmed to be gone. But, what you're about to see is what no content creator should do on any SMP. And despite me using quote-unquote content and entertainment against them to get my way, all I really did was ruin their videos.

my whole point in the barrier blocks essay about season 4 was that lifesteal’s storytelling is competitive. and it is something weaponized on screen in season 4 plenty of times, but it’s never so blatant as this. It’s never admitted like this. Spoke outright saying, “i fucked everyone else over so i could get my video.” I never considered that the scripting thing might be a flat out lie like this. even though i knew spoke was ultimately doing all of that as part of the plan to get parrot in position for wormhole, and even though i came to the conclusion that dupe war couldn’t really have been “scripted” in a way that mattered even without knowing that spoke was lying about this, because WHY would you LIE ABOUT THIS?

It’s kind of beautiful. the perfect piece of information about season 4 to tie it all up in a bow.

and it’s incredible for being this albeit brief, raw glimpse into spoke’s mind. a completely off camera moment that nobody ever would have seen. something you never, ever get from spoke, who rarely streams, and refuses to let other players see inside of his head, or even have real conversations with him in season 4. whose power is predicated on maintaining that exact distance. because it all falls apart if you get to hear how he feels underneath it all, if you get to see the way everything he does in season 4 is nothing but madly improvising lie after lie, trying to keep the tower he’s built intact even as it is constantly at risk of falling out from under him. It’s spoke making himself for once truly vulnerable, truly seen.

but… AFTER this point, the video largely loses this undercurrent of emotional vulnerability that sells the whole thing’s premise. It doesn’t matter if spoke is lying about minutiae in that first part of the video, fudging dates and summarizing events, because the emotional honesty matters so much more. but a lot of the threads spoke presents to us in the beginning of the video never feel like they actually get delivered on, and this window into his mind is closed to us again. It feels like he falls back into the motions of just, making a lifesteal video, making a minecraft youtube video. this moment with the dupe war feels like something legitimately special and unique, precisely because of that element of vulnerability. It’s probably the closest a lifesteal video has ever come to capturing the parts of lifesteal that i love, the things you only really get on stream where it’s much harder to keep up the sort of powerplays spoke relies on.

unfortunately you are hardwired to make youtube videos and there is no saving you. I would wager there are two full hours of reused footage that adds basically nothing. and it’s the worst deflationary effect i’ve ever seen. the tension builds to this crazy height and then it’s just gone and you’re watching, dr. donut vip day. poopies the endermite nonsense. nothing against poopies the endermite nonsense, but you show me all of that and then you expect me to watch you fuck around with minecraft mobs for 40 minutes straight?

and just as a side note, it’s edited in the most confusing way possible. i think this was heightened for me because i watched it with my partner who isn’t quite as into lifesteal as i am, but this video is comprised of: 1) brand new footage and new voiceovers by spoke explaining his current feelings/reflections on what happened then, 2) old stream footage, and 3) footage from old videos that spoke previously uploaded, including the editing choices from those old videos. none of these things are ever flagged or indicated to the viewer, you have no real way of knowing which is which unless you’ve seen all of those old streams and videos. and this carries over into the way spoke presents information to you, because it’s still largely done in the rapid-fire information summary, telling instead of showing style that plagues these videos. i don’t know how you are expected to absorb any information from this narration style if you don’t already know the minute details of everything that happened in season 4. which i do, so it was fine, just stylistically puzzling on several levels.

which brings us to…. an elephant in the room. the thing left out of what is billed as the full truth. vitalasy is not part of this video. spoke’s relationship with the other exploiters at large is never really dwelled on or explored, even when ash does appear on screen relatively frequently, but there is not a single clip of vitalasy speaking in this video. we get a couple screenshots of his discord messages, only on screen for seconds, a few of which appear to be dated from a different day than spoke says they are. he’s mentioned about as infrequently as you could possibly manage to discuss season 4, let alone wormhole, without vitalasy. who we know spoke was working with in some capacity throughout the full duration of these events, who appears both in the beginning of this video as spoke establishes where the exploit came from, and in the end, when spoke jumps into the void and ops vitalasy in the same moment.

there are all of these scenes where the bedrock prison is there but never explained, or someone (parrot in one of the last pivotal conversations spoke has with him in the video) is holding an eclipse shield, and it all makes him so overwhelmingly present in his absence. spoke seems to realize how glaring it feels, because he addresses it:

[3:25:17 - 3:25:34] Spoke: I told Ash I would give him whatever item he wanted, except operator. Even though he was bummed out, he said it was fine. Vitalasy on the other hand wasn't too happy. There was some more stuff between us that I had to cut out since this video is already too long, but long story short Vitalasy felt entitled to it because he found the glitch, which does make sense. However, the risk of another player having admin was too much, and I declined.

every other time spoke mentions vitalasy, it’s with this same combination of avoidance and active dismissal. I keep coming back to that scene at the end; “i gave vitalasy op” and no further acknowledgement. what do you mean more happened between you but you’re not going to show us, and in everything we do get it feels like nothing at all has changed since season 4, you’re still portraying him in the exact same way he was portrayed then? framing it as the full truth, but there’s still this central point you’re taking great pains to talk around. the video is too long. the video is already four hours, how much worse could it get? what about all of that reused footage? that you could cut, and the pacing of the video would be better for it? am I really supposed to believe that’s why you made that decision?

and ultimately this plays into why the video doesn’t really work for me past that hour-or-so mark. because spoke isn’t actually being honest. past that point, things are glossed over or hidden the same way they would be in any lifesteal video.

maybe part of this is the fact that the dupe war stuff is new information to me where what was streamed at the end of season 4 isn't, even if it was cut out of the youtube videos, but i really don’t think it’s just that. It’s in the pacing of the video, what’s prioritized and what isn’t, the amount of time and dramatic attention given to these final moments.

In the scene towards the end where spoke monologues to parrot, after he tricks parrot into giving him admin, parrot doesn't say anything. It’s just spoke talking at him, and then the scene ends without parrot getting a word in edgewise. you get that little moment between them before spoke puts on pants and jumps into the void, but that's still parrot responding to spoke's lie, not to the truth. even if you don't get some sort of conclusion or elaboration on parrot's thoughts here, which is fair enough, you don't even get any real reflection on all of it from spoke in the end.

this is how the video ends:

[3:55:40 - 3:57:25] Spoke: After that I was left thinking, why in the world did I do this? I mean, I was so confused I ended up yelling "Ah, fuck this." then I put on some pants, gave Vitalasy op, and jumped in the void. No one understood why I did this, and I didn't either. Why did I let them win? Why did I follow the rules of the challenge in the first place? Why did it feel like I did all of this for nothing? I wouldn't find the answer until far later. For the next season Parrot didn't want to be the owner anymore, due to the stress and time it took, but he reached out to me and Ash to take his place. He did this, apparently, because we knew a lot about server stuff, but we were willing to give it a shot. I ended up hating that season. Since, no one trusted me, my only teammates on the server were Ash, and surprisingly Planetlord, who almost became the server villain himself, but the worst part was that there was no point in exploiting anymore. Why would I break the game to obtain something I could just get through console? Except, that's when it clicked. The following year, I brought back my Unstable series, this time with Parrot and Wemmbu. These videos would be scripted, but not scripted to save time or be efficient, but instead to push the boundaries of storytelling in minecraft. I've had so much fun this past year, creating things that have never been seen in the game, and that's when I realized it. My favorite moments from the wormhole were when I was making a plan destined to fail, or when I abused a new exploit, or literally any moment when i was doing something that had never been done before. I did the wormhole because it felt like I was doing the impossible. And that feeling was pretty cool.

the whole thing kind of defeats it’s own point doesn’t it? All of this weight on your self reflection, and the mistakes you made, and the way you prioritized your own Content/Story/Narrative/Career/Etc above the other people you were playing with, about chasing this feeling of power. and how, the power was only made real in the lie. you had to lie about how powerful the exploit was in order to trick someone into handing real power to you, and you had to keep that lie up so he wouldn’t stop you, because at every moment you worried that he could stop you. the wormhole is nothing, the exploit was nothing, in any of the ways that really mattered. at one point in this same video, spoke launches a hack client because he’s bored and it isn’t even remarked upon, because there’s no weight placed on launching a hack client. it’s not about what the wormhole can do, it’s about convincing everyone that what you’re doing is interesting enough, is powerful enough, that the power becomes real. it's a social game. If spoke is honest, spoke loses his power. If spoke is vulnerable, spoke loses his power. If spoke, at any moment, stops obfuscating and posturing and acting scary and obtuse and selling his power, spoke loses his power.

that’s what happens to vitalasy. vitalasy is vulnerable, and more importantly accessible, to both the audience and to the other players. because he will sit there and talk to you for hours, and argue with you, and consider your point. spoke makes himself unreachable, so vitalasy receives all of the social consequences that spoke is outrunning by keeping that careful distance. and you have to assume that vitalasy becoming the scapegoat was nothing but useful to him, even if it wasn’t something spoke did intentionally, or consciously.

at a certain point, the only explanation for why spoke won't just actually come clean to parrot instead of hanging onto all of these false pretenses, pivots everything he does on the nppp story in the end, instead of being honest about the conditions nppp was formed under in the first place, is because he doesn't want to deal with the consequences.

everything spoke does in s4 is both chasing that feeling of power in doing what should be impossible, and running away from the point where all of that crumbles and he has to face social repercussions for it. especially when it's obvious that in spite of the lie underpinning everything, and the fact that he was using parrot to achieve godhood, he still cares. it's not like there's this sense of glee in his villainy that will endure, it's just going to hurt if he stops digging himself into this pit, so he can't stop.

he still spent that time with parrot. it was still a real team, no matter why spoke did it in the first place. and the story spoke is telling about the nppp is so much more compelling, so much more meaningful, even when it can never add up right in the end. it's one thing to hurt someone by lying to them, and it's another thing to start wishing the story you were telling was the truth because you won yourself over. In the same way that vitalasy changes course during season 4 because of how much he cares about zam, only you never get to see it happen with spoke. If spoke does feel this, it doesn’t stop him. he doesn’t change his course.

what happens to vitalasy is maybe what spoke is afraid of. because vitalasy does receive those social consequences, on screen, and it’s worse by far than anything we ever see spoke receive. It all falls apart and vitalasy has to respond to it right then and there, taking center stage in a way that allows spoke to slip by under the radar.

despite this, it’s a strange kind of mutual parasitism that works out for both of them in the end: spoke remaining committed to his lie, keeping himself hidden and detached, is what allows vitalasy to avoid playing the villain role he realizes he hates, even when nobody but vitalasy seems to apprehend this as a victory for him. neither wants to be in the other’s shoes. it's easy to look at spoke doing all of this heavy lifting and think, vitalasy really didn't do anything, did he? he found the glitch and that was it, he got spoke involved. but in the end vitalasy says: this is exactly what i wanted.

and vitalasy is put in that position of social vulnerability largely through zam’s presence, acting on lifesteal as a force that (largely unconsciously, at this point) demands vulnerability on multiple levels; not only must you be visible to the audience, but you must be comfortable losing, you must open yourself to embarrassment and potential mockery. you must care. where spoke lets the audience in on nothing, zam lets us in on everything. If zam is going to portray vitalasy a certain way no matter what (and she is, because she refuses to do anything if the audience isn’t there with her), the only course of action is to attempt to control the narrative yourself. even though the more information the audience has, the more you're seen, the less control there is. (a second shoutout to will 75hearts irrealisms on this one)

i guess i don’t know what i want, really. you can’t expect more. It’s a youtube video. he’s not going to stop behaving like it’s a youtube video. but there’s something there, there’s really something there.

zam is my favorite lifesteal member for a reason, and part of it is in the pure lack of care for making videos. going back and watching a zam stream from season 3, the difference is immediately apparent; everything zam did then, she did for the sake of a video. and somewhere over the course of season 4 that changes. so much changes.

If we’re being honest, lifesteal isn’t what I want it to be a lot of the time. most of the players don’t approach it in the ways that interest me. but the thing I care about is real. it is there. and every once in a while, you get it from someone you aren’t expecting, at least for a moment. but whatever, that feeling was pretty cool, wasn’t it? the exploit was pretty cool.

[tribalauthor]

THE WISEWOMAN (roman reigns ff) <chapter 3>

word count: 2k

Nervous is an understatement for my state of feeling right now.

Today is my first segment and in this segment I have to announce that I am the temporary wise woman for Roman Reigns.

Also I have a task from uncle. I have to persuade Nick Aldis - the general manager of Smackdown to cancel the fatal 4-way match since it's just unfair.

These past few days I met Jimmy, Jey and Solo. Very respectful men by the way. Uncle wasn't lying.

I have also been making friends with the women roster cause I do need female friends here. I can't only hang out with the Bloodline, right?

"Don't worry, girl. You got this!" Samantha tried to hype me up. She is the ring announcer and honestly we became close really fastly. In a few days, we know all about the life stories of one another. "I can't even wait to announce you. Ladies and gentlemen, accompanied to the ring by his special council, the wise woman - Sophia Heyman...oh my god" she started clapping excitingly and this made me grin from ear to ear.

"It sounds so good. You are so talented" I exclaimed. She is really, really good.

"Good luck to your fiancée, by the way" I wished her.

"Thank you so much" she smiled nervously.

"It must be nerve-wracking to have a partner wrestler, right?" I asked out of nowhere.

"Indeed. You are always worried about their health cause anything can happen in that ring and yeah..." she explained. "I just pray every day for him and for my colleagues, of course"

"Understandable" I nodded my head.

"Speaking of..." she looked around us and got closer to me. "What do you think about him?" I got puzzled for a moment.

"Ricochet? Well, I haven't really spoken to him but he seems like a nice guy" I replied.

"Not my fiancée...about Roman" she looked around again and whispered his name.

"Is he like Voldemort, why you so scared of saying his name? Well, he seems okay for now. Honestly, better than I expected but I had no expectations so." I shrugged.

"I think he likes you." she just spat out but this time she wasn't very quiet.

"What? Samantha...are you in your delulu moment?" I furrowed my eyebrows because she just said that so out of nowhere.

"Girl, literally look at you. That's what I'm gonna say. You are the woman that haunts men's dreams, no matter if they are single or taken." Samantha clarified.

"Come on." I rolled my eyes. Would lie if I said I didn't get this before.

"He is divorced by the way but you haven't heard this from me" Samantha switched to whispering again.

"What? I mean...how do you know? I mean, yeah whatever, I guess. Uncle is divorced as well." I shrugged. What did I just do? Now it will seem like I'm happy because of that fact.

"You don't get my point. What I'm trying to tell you is that you should be careful if you don't wanna end up being caught in his vice grip" Sam giggled cause she knows I got the reference very well. However, I was totally unfazed because I don't see myself with a man like him.

"Ha-ha, so funny, Samantha, ha-ha. Don't you worry about me. I have learned my lesson with you know who, so if somebody wants to impress me now, it's gonna be very, very hard." I solidified my intentions. Robert really gave me close to nothing and I was blinded just because he was cute.

"What are you two girls talking about so passionately?" I suddenly heard Roman's deep voice behind me and it startled me so much that I jumped a little. "Woah, calm down, wise woman. Am I a ghost?" he was exactly behind me and I looked up to him since he is like more than 7 inches taller than me. Roman had his eyes down my direction and a big grin on his face. "Tell me what are you two gossiping about. Tell me the drama."

"The discussions me and Samantha were having, Mr. Reigns, are strictly confidential, so I am not telling you. You ain't one of the girls." I sassed him out and he let out a deep chuckle.

"But you are my wise woman. You should tell me everything. No secrets between us." he suddenly tried to act offended.

"This statement, Mr. Reigns, is disputed. There is nowhere in the contract that signifies I should tell you everything about my life and vice versa." I immediately opposed to him.

"Always disagreeing with me" he looked at Samantha with the look of complaint. "Have you ever seen the Wise Man disagreeing with me, Samantha?"

"No, at least not here." she replied.

"Okay but I'm not uncle. Also the agreements are only for the camera. Behind camera, I'm not obligated to." I turned to him and shrugged.

Roman chuckled once again.

"Miss Heyman, I honestly find your attitude so cute. You think you are 'biting' like a snake but honestly, I'm having fun."

"Oh, you think that this is my bad side, Mr. Reigns? I have to apologize then. You are mistaken" I fought back.

"No, I didn't say that this is your bad side. Anyway, we have to start preparing for later, so the gossip session has to end soon, okay?" he suddenly turned all serious. This man's duality is insane. He can throw some random jokes one second and the other second, he turns into a serious man. Is he a Gemini or something?

"Coming after a while" I said and turned around to Samantha.

"I bet you will" I heard him saying under his nose and I turned to him again. When he saw that I heard him, he made that funny "oops" expression.

Until the very moment he got away, Samantha had a look of disbelief in her face.

"See what I'm talking about? Now I'm 100% sure. Soph, I have never...ever in my career seen Roman like this. He is so obvious, oh my god." she put her hand on her mouth.

"Is he a Gemini?" I asked out of nowhere. It's a tendency of mine since I remember myself.

"Uuh, I think so, yes."

"That explains a lot. And then people tell me astrology ain't real" I shook my head. "And how old is he?" I asked quietly.

"Let me think...uh, he is a bit older than Trevor. Two or three years something like this. In his late thirties for sure - 38, I believe." my friend suddenly started calculating. "This year he will be 39."

"What?" my jaw was on the floor. "Yeah, no chance. That's a...12 year difference, nuh-uh." I shook my head.

"But you thought about it" she started laughing and poked me.

"About what?" I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. "Anyway I have to go"

"Coming for him" Sam couldn't help but snore.

"Ha-ha so funny" I rolled my eyes.

...

"I'm here" I shouted after I got in the locker room. The whole Bloodline is there.

"Lil' OG." Jimmy came to greet me with a high-five.

"Lil' OG"? Solo seemed weirded out by the way Jimmy called me.

"Paul is OG. Sophia is his blood, therefore she is lil' OG." Jimmy explained himself and his brother just seemed done.

"She looks nothing like Paul."

"Nah, she has his eyes" Jimmy disagreed with him.

"Ah yes. The saphire blue eyes that I inherited from my late great-grandmother Patricia." I stated.

"You may not look like Paul but for sure sound like him" Jimmy concluded. "So are you ready for later?"

"Mentally kinda, physically absolutely not. I have to start dressing up and everything because after 10 minutes the makeup artist and the hairdresser will be waiting for me." I looked at my watch.

Then reached to the wardrobe to grab the outfit I planned for tonight. It is a two piece costume consisting a blouse like blazer with a deep cleavage but it also has a scarf that is going to wrap around my throat and also a long skirt with a long slit. The color is dark blue with thin light stripes exactly like my uncle's costumes. For shoes I chose beige lacquered high heels.

Where is Roman? He was so insisting for me to come here and now he is nowhere to be found.

"Paul Heyman : female version" Jimmy said in a narrative tone which made me chuckle.

"I don't think the crowd is going to notice the difference" I shrugged.

"Oh, they definitely will, trust me" Solo said seriously.

I suddenly heard steps. I turned on my right and oh my God, I shouldn't have.

The view before me is just...wow.

Roman fresh out of the shower with his wet, long hair, his big ass tribal tattoo and a white towel wrapped around his torso. Water drips falling onto his body like tears.

"Ah, you're here, Sophia." he said that as if he totally expected me and as if everything is on purpose.

"Yeah." I turned around and faced his cousins because if I stare for longer, I will boost up his ego. Damn, that man is jacked.

"So is the bathroom free? I have to dress quickly." I asked a rhetorical question but I tried to go as quickly as possible, so I don't look at him in any way. I went through like a flash honestly.

"Do you need help?" I heard him yelling at me.

"No?" that was so random of him.

"You said you have to dress up quick and you know two works better than one" he replied and that response caused me to open the bathroom door and he was still sitting there.

"I'm so sorry, Mr. Reigns but I have to decline this offer." after I finished, I slammed the door.

Is he out of his mind? Asking me this right in front of his cousins? Unbelievable.

Roman's POV:

I chuckled at Sophia once again. Damn, I know this woman for a few days yet she got under my skin. The way she looks, the way she talks, the way she walks. I feel betrayed by Paul, to be completely honest. How could he never tell me he has such a pretty niece?

"Uce...what the fuck?" Solo whisper yelled.

"What?" the grin on my face still stayed.

"Bro...you are hitting on Paul's niece" Jimmy called me out.

"Nah, I'm not. We are just joking" I immediately debunked Jimmy's statement and went to the wardrobe to search for my stuff.

"You don't joke like this...ever. Come to your senses, uce. She is way younger than you. How old is she?" Jon asked with a concern.

"I don't know. Probably 25-26." the looks the siblings exchanged between each other were full of shock as if I said she is a minor...come on.

"She is younger than me?" Solo seemed caught off guard.

"That divorce is blinding you." Jimmy started lecturing me. "You see a pretty woman and suddenly you want to sleep with her".

"I don't wanna sleep with her, you perverts. I just like her company, okay? Stop lecturing me." I tried not to yell at them because I don't want Sophia to hear me.

"Uce, you can't fool us. Look at her. A living Barbie doll. Get yourself together immediately." Solo whisper yelled but we all shut up immediately when we heard the door open.

"So how do I look?" Sophia asked, standing in front of me with that business ass little outfit and heels and so much unholy thoughts going in my head of how I bend her over and pull that skirt up and then...

Joseph, you should stop before somebody rises underneath and completely embarass yourself.

That woman is my dream personified and I don't care what my cousins think. I'm going to have her one way or another.

"Amazing" I cleared my throat. "Spectacular" I cleared my throat again, trying not to stare too much at her.

"Great" Jimmy and Solo threw her big grins and thumbs up.

"Thank you so much, now I'm leaving you guys. Bye. See ya later." she ran to the door and left the room.

"Holy shit" I sat on the couch. "I may be in trouble" I finally confessed.

"Took you long enough." Solo said sarcastically.

[cloudycleric]

i recently just posted that i was scrolling my dash when i happened upon my least favorite byler au:

okay so im gonna talk about it more. & this is in no way trying to be mean. this is just me kinda venting about how i'm upset with myself because the au in question is not problematic.

okay so the au i am talking about is any byler cannibalism au. i am a HUGE fan of horror films, very very big fan, but for some reason i cannot do cannibalism whatsoever (at least right now). maybe a year or two ago i stumbled upon a very graphic byler cannibalism fic & decided to give it a try just to see (at this point in time i wasn't fully aware of my deep deep fear). i was on vacation at my sibling's house too. anyway, i made it about like 5 paragraphs before i had to go into my room & cry.

(note that immediately after this i did block both the cannibal & cannibalism tags on tumblr, but i guess stuff slips through or maybe i'm blocking the wrong tags.)

& the worst part is, I WANT TO BE OKAY WITH IT. i so desperately want to not have the biggest ick for cannibalism media because it is a large part of horror that i have to block myself off from. but i seriously cannot do it. i can do literally everything else under the bridge. i am perfectly fine with intense gore in movies or books but for some reason, when it's cannibalism i cannot do it what so ever & it just gives me like a terrible, terrible anxious feeling.

like i love byler scream/slasher au where the two can be violent, but when it's cannibalism it just feels different to me. i don't know. i wish i could appreciate it & i wish i was not a snowflake about it but here i am. anyway sometimes i hate fears & phobias & wish i was normal or didn't get weird icks from things since cannibalism is such an interesting sorry okay i couldn't finish that sentence because i didn't feel it in my soul. it just icks me. i wish it didn't. because i love darker/horror movie type byler aus but i just can't do it. & now i must take a shower & cry

BTW this is in no means me trying to target someone or like vaguely call someone out. post whatever byler cannibal au stuff you want!! i just wanted to share my personal feelings, in no way am i trying to invalidate your interests. this is me being upset with myself, not upset with other people.

[fortheloveofsolas]

INCORRECT QUOTES GENERATOR:

*literally generated, I'm taking no credit for them but made me laugh and hope they'll make you laugh too

Inquisitor: Stop buying plastic skeletons for Halloween! It's terrible for the environment!

Solas: Yeah! Locally sourced, all natural skeletons are much more environmentally friendly!

____________

Inquisitor: Sorry it took me so long to bail you out of jail

Sera: No it’s my fault, I shouldn’t’ve used my one phone call to prank call the police

_____________

Inquisitor: You lying, cheating, piece of shit!

Solas: Oh yeah? You’re the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD

Inquisitor: I’m leaving you, and I’M TAKING SERA WITH ME

Dorian, picking up the monopoly board: I think we’re gonna stop playing now.

----------------

Inquisitor, banging on the door: Solas! Open up!

Solas: Well, it all started when I was a kid...

Vivienne: No, they meant-

Dorian: Let them finish.

-------------------

Solas: How did none of you hear what I just said?

Dorian: I’ve been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.

Inquisitor: I got distracted about halfway through.

Sera: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

---------

Inquisitor: Solas, I'm sad.

Solas: *Holds out arms for a hug* It’s going to be okay.

Cole: Cassandra, I'm sad.

Cassandra, nodding: mood.

--------

Inquisitor: Why is Solas so sad?

Cole: They took one of those “Which Character Are You?” quizzes

Inquisitor: And...?

Cole: They got Sera.

---------

Inquisitor: I think we're missing something.

Cassandra: Teamwork?

Solas: Cohesion?

Cullen: A general sense of what we’re doing?

[sparkles-rule-4eva]

Idk if I'm gonna make a review post, exactly, but the things that went on with Sonic's character in movie 3 have left me reeling, and dying to analyze. I don't have many screenshots to share, and the ones I do aren't good quality bc the movie's not released digitally yet, but here goes.

For one, the theme of dealing with grief was so well handled. I was hoping they were going to use the parallel of this Sonic losing someone close to him, just like Shadow had, and that's just what they did. What made it even more painful, however, was how Sonic was faced with the possibility of losing a second parental figure.

Shadow saw him hunched over Tom, pleading with him to wake up, and remembered himself doing the same when Maria had died. That was where Shadow saw a bit of himself in Sonic.

Shadow took mental notes of it, but he didn't back off, though he didn't make any other attempts to hurt Tom. Heck, he wouldn't have attacked in the first place if Tom hadn't been disguised as Walters.

And just... watching the way Sonic just started spiraling after this scene was so heartbreaking. The way he looked so lost and broken as they were taking him away in the ambulance, when Maddie didn't say anything to them, and the camera just zoomed out for a few seconds, showing him and his brothers looking so small and so lost in the world as they were left alone, unsure if their dad would be okay.

Sonic didn't want comfort. After the initial fear and grief, the anger he'd felt earlier when he turned on Shadow came back with a vengeance, quite literally. Looking at their calmer, almost normal everyday life earlier in the movie, it seems everything's fine. Sonic seemed fine and perky. I was taken aback at how calm he was about finding his old cave. He seemed fine, all things considered from earlier in his life. The Before Times, as fanfics have dubbed them.

But the moment his found family was threatened, the moment he was faced with the possibility of losing the home and love he'd finally gotten after so many years of pain and isolation, he fell apart. He became aggressively protective of it. Of course he would want to defend those he loves, but not like this. Not the Sonic we know.

The way Shadow phrased it later, "What kind of hero abandons his friends to seek revenge? Abandons his family?"

That struck a nerve, but Sonic just snapped back, "Don't you dare talk about my family."

The expressions he had after he'd taken the Master Emerald and gone after Shadow were so complex. You can see the mix of emotions on his face. Most clearly, the anger. But mixed in, you see the pain, the grief, the paralyzing fear of losing someone else, and you see how emotionally fragile he really is.

Shadow scoffs about how he'd thought that Sonic cared for them. "Especially the one, what's his name again? Tom?"

And that pushed him over the edge.

The way he just let out that chilling scream of rage and grief and went on to punch Shadow so hard he quite literally sent him flying straight into the moon. He was enraged. He was distressed. He was spiraling. And he was, for a few minutes, completely out of control.

We know that this version of Sonic is not so reserved about killing people, like the game version. In the second movie, Sonic had every intention of killing Robotnik in the final battle, and he thought he succeeded. This marks the second time that if someone threatens Sonic's family, he's out for blood. In that vein, he's like his game counterpart; it's the safety of his loved ones, not himself, that he's concerned about. Passionate about.

Except.

He could not bring himself to do it.

I think part of him was remembering what Walters had said about Shadow having experienced loss, the way he had.

He'd won here. He could've just killed Shadow right then and there. Shadow was even goading him into just doing it. Demanded what he was waiting for. Pointing to his own chest and yelling that he was right there. To just do it. (Another thing to analyze; Shadow was just done with everything and didn't even care if he died at this point, but that's for another post.)

But something was stopping him.

Even in those screenshots, you can see the pain and anger mixed on his face. I could be mistaken, but it looks like there's a tear in his eye. (If I'm right, the idea of him crying during this fight makes me break apart in sadness.)

And then came the flashback. This is what drives me insane.

In Sonic Adventure 2, Shadow is out to destroy the world, and it's remembering Maria's true final wish that stopped him.

I never could've predicted that in this version, it was Sonic who was out to kill someone, kill Shadow, but remembering Tom's words to him about not letting his pain change who he is was what stopped him. Sonic was the one who needed to stop and remember. And that's just what he did. 🥺

And then, only then, was he able to calm down, remember himself, remember what Tom would want him to do. He wasn't handling this the same way he'd handled Longclaw's death. He was turning into exactly what Shadow had become. The horror at realizing what he'd nearly become, what he'd almost done, set in.

He made the right choice in the end because of that. Just like Shadow did in the games. Just like he later did here, too. But Shadow was able to have "redemption" of sorts in this version, not because of some talk, but because he saw the example in Sonic, right in front of him.

We know what happened next, I'm not gonna go much into it. But seeing this whole side of Sonic, the side that just barely slipped out in the last movie, was so, so fascinating. I love how each movie continues to explore him as the main character, in a different way. This one probably got me crying the most. I cried even as I wrote this post and put more pieces together. The more I think about it, the more I love it. 🥹😭💙💛❤️

[sovaharbor]

actually am i the only person who finds it so fucking weird that varric of all people was the one to die for solas. like. varric? varric??? they didn't even get along half the time lmao... like there's an entire part of cole's arc where him and solas are diametrically opposed and whoever "wins", the other is very much not happy about it. what the fuck happened between trespasser - where varric is literally viscount of kirkwall and kinda fucking busy with that!! - and suddenly him giving this much of a shit about solas????

okay, yeah, he's in the comics. okay, yeah, he's working for the inquisition in the comics. but honestly

i'm gonna be so for real, i don't really think i'm going to listen to the comics when this is apparently a plot thread in knight errant lmao. VARRIC got an invitation to SEBASTIAN'S birthday party?? varric, the guy who literally hated sebastian???? who would be hated by sebastian, in turn, especially if hawke saved the mages - which i'm 99% sure is what happens in bioware's canon? so like???

i dont know. it's just so weird. varric being in inquisition makes sense. cassandra forces him into it, there's a lot going on, man he just works here. whatever. but his role in TV just does not to me. him choosing, apparently, Apparently, after this, to continue with the inquisition, when he's busy being viscount (and hates it, yeah, sure, but he's still doing it because kirkwall is his home) and doesn't really care about solas except now he DOES, actually, to the point that when he is confronted with solas actively doing the ritual he's supposed to stop, he thinks he can talk him down. when EVERYTHING he knows about solas points to the opposite. he knows he is stubborn and obstinate and yeah, he cares, but that is why he is doing this. he knows solas cares to a fault. knows he will do anything to fix what is apparently a wrong by his own hands.

so why talk to him? why DIE for him? varric is smart. varric knows people (or so he thinks). that's his entire fucking schtick. you're gonna look me in the eye and tell me he's gonna sacrifice his life for SOLAS?????

it's so weird man. i don't even know if any of this made sense. but it's so weird to me.

[strawberrystepmom]

re: cancer men - the creators and dreamweavers of the zodiac:

okay hi hello. i was reading and am perpetually reading anthony bourdain's books and felt inspired to kind of break down at least astrologically the mystique of the cancer man. this is not a defensive essay but rather a piece that can offer a (hopeful) shift in perspective with regards to how we view these people in our world and our lives.

so the cancer man often has mommy issues. i hope you heard me sigh very loudly saying that because i hate using catch all terms for things that require nuance but it's a concept we are all familiar with based on term alone so it's what i'll use. my rebuttal to this is also - who doesn't? in some capacity? then i remember i'm a water sign and my mom was a cancer and i need to keep this moving on...

mommy issues aren't an indictment, they're most often just an indicator of areas where a person needs more support. perhaps they're a little scatter brained and need a partner who wants to help them get organized. perhaps they're a little emotional and have been told such their entire life to the point they're no longer wanting to be emotional so they need a partner who is willing to be a bending ear.

these areas of emotional need can lead to cancer men specifically tending to really need a lot of strong reinforcement from the women in their lives if they're unwilling to look inward and re-mother themselves so to speak. they can lean on their partners a lot because it's hard to talk about the deep feelings they have. when you agree to love a partner who shows you they need this support, you guys are gonna get mad at me for saying it, but it needs to be provided in a healthy and functional way. if you cannot provide that support do not take up with a man who already has inherent emotional distress just bc he dared to be born under a water sun.

that being said - i implore you, cancer man who may be reading this, to become your gentle inner voice. to reassure yourself that you're doing a good job and that you haven't done wrong. a cancer's fears can seem almost childlike to the uninitiated (do i know what i'm doing? is this going to last forever? what if they change their mind? what if? why? who? when?) but my rebuttal to that is also - all of our own inner monologues are our child selves or someone who hurt our child self. reserve judgement about the maturity of other's emotional processes.

cancers (all genders/identities) instinctively use their protective shell to get them through life. they are symbolized by the crab after all, so they sometimes assume costumes both literal and metaphorical.

in men these may be different personalities - you'll find the doer who shows up to your house with boxes and helping hands when you tell him you're moving, the quiet stoic lover who meets your needs in the most unassuming of ways, the man who is using macho as a defense mechanism who peacocks around and uses emotions as a weapon and finally, the man who is using his own machismo as a charming safe haven for others with hands that only wish to caress and heal (my favorite).

i mean god, a lot of cancer men either lean into the super affable cute sweet guy in hoodies and jeans while absolutely blasting the most insane screamo music in those headphones or they are tattooed, love to look alt because it hides that their top artist for this year was mitski just to give you an idea of the physical identities they may assume.

cancer men crave intimacy. their deep desire for enduring love, family, a place to call home no matter how transient everything else in their lives may feel isn't incidental, it's their birthday candle blow and falling star wish every time they see one.

they just have a tendency to rebuild their shells if they have broken through and start to feel unsafe with someone. they can become combative. the "yeah and what about you?" starts at that point and things can start to break down if you aren't willing to look deeper and realize he's hurting and that's why he's lashing out. it isn't okay, it isn't right, but it's the way cancers (and tbh all water signs why else do we have terror reputations) behave when they are retreating.

cancer men are gifted at making their loved ones dreams come true because almost always, they're making theirs come true as well through the process. they're life builders. commit to him and don't question him and he will give you everything you could ever want if he's done his inner work and he's ready to do so. let him build you the fantasy. embrace a man that loves you so much he wants to give you a babylonian garden of your own.

that being said, it's not your responsibility as someone who loves him to get him to that point so proceed as you wish but be aware that if you give up, you won't get the opportunity to come back once he's all fixed. don't cross a cancer - they're twice as vengeful as a scorpio with a virgo's very, very long memory and you will live your entire life being reminded that you didn't love them when they needed to be loved the most regardless of how true it may or not be. cancers deal in facts and feelings both and oftentimes their feelings are where the facts come from and experiences may vary.

but anyway yeah

[sprunkimortality]

i saw the blog for the sister au . what is the mortality sprunkis thoughts on the nightfall sprunkis

(Completely hypothetical, probably only canon in multiversal interactions lol)

Oren: "Aw, he's real chill, dude. I wanna game with him and the boys sometime. By the boys, I mean like...our boys, and his boys." Raddy: "...stuck-up little son of a sprinkle." Clukr: "I intend to study him someday. It's intriguing how our worlds match and yet also differ."

Fun Bot: "TWIN!! YEAAAAH!!"

Vineria: "Our auras blend so well. I mean, we're like the same person...so it totally makes sense. There's also something alluring about her...but it's not an aura thing."

Gray: "I wonder if he also likes The Divine Machine." Brud: "Two Brud! Is like brudda! Wowa!!" Garnold: "He's a pretty cool guy, I'm not gonna lie! I should ask him if he wants to hang out sometime...totally not doing anything Clukr wouldn't approve of..." OWAKCX: "H- H- He seems to have things w- worse than me...I- I want to b- be friends with him, hoohoo..." Sky: "It's wild how we're the same person yet are so different. I can't play any ball games, for one."

Mr. Sun: "Oh, radiance! We're like two stars in a space! How joyous!" Durple: "The fellow is quite pleasant, you know. Nice guy! But...goodness me, his clothes...his fashion! Where's the pizzazz? Where's the fabulousness? If he's a version of me, then he's a rather strange one! Perhaps he's never gotten the chance...? Oh, I must be generous! I will give him a makeover when I find the chance to!" Mr. Tree: "I'm used to seeing other trees, but not exactly another me, so his existence is a pleasant surprise." Simon: "Oh golly-gee! I love other Simon! He's so awesomesauce, and so friendly, and so so SOOOO cool and awesomesauce!! Wait did I say that twice?" Tunner: "Heh, it's like lookin' at a mirror that can talk. A mirror that ain't quite perfectly reflective, but that ain't a bad thing. He's a lil' more uptight than I am, but I don't mind."

Mr. Fun Computer: "...how come HE gets legs? :( "

Wenda: "Oh my gosh, she's like, so adorable. Like looking at myself as a kid, but like, not really? Cause like, when I was her age, I didn't act like that- but you get it right?" Pinki: "She's a sweetie pie! I guess that's to be expected cause we're the same person! Teehee~! I'd love to have a picnic with her someday!" Jevin: "It's a delight, you see, to find someone just like me. Haha, hahaha..."

Black: "...not a fan." Saves: "Oh, he's quite literally just like me when I was younger...back when I was still an adventurous lad. Ahh...I miss those days...those days when I'd...I'd...oh, dear. I don't remember what I've done, but...I know it must've been fun."

Ciqu: "...I wonder if he knows."

Sprinkles: "She's a little bit littler than I am, but that's okay! We still have fun together! I like drawing with her!" Calvin: "Having what's kinda like a twin's real cool. And since he's me, he likes sneaking around as much as I do! He's fun. Wait...maybe I could do the thing with him where we swap places and trick everyone...heheheheh...."

[heavenpierceher]

just played portal 2 for the first time yes somehow ive never played it before. reposting my thoughts as i played here:

I fucking hate wheatley. Little white cuck ball

As i understand it wheatley turns out to be like Secretly Evil later or whatever but like he’s so blatantly passive aggressive and casually shitty to you that i don’t see how anyone didn’t go okay fuck this guy immediately. Like he’s clearly acting as a sort of arm of aperture itself which constantly bombards you with like jokingly ableist/eugenicist/classist/misogynistic shit

like the juxtaposition of him being a huge asshole because he thinks you have brain damage and the announcer being like ‘ok if you’re old or stupid go back to your Primitive Tribe so we can have Good Subjects for Progress’ is 110% deliberate

also him assuming the person who killed glados was male LMAO

I want glados so bad

Some arasaka tower shit is happening to me

My psionic warriors find me art of chell dribbling and dunking wheatley like a basketball

Glados wants me so bad

my coworker losing his mindddddd 😂 😂 😂

I’m finding these puzzles easier than portal 1 but like in a good way. more intuitive

Also this has almost certainly been said before at length but god valve is so so so good at environmental design

HL is really good too obviously but it really shines in portal where they get to play with contrasts

the really harsh visual contrast between all of portal and the escape stages and the fact that you can see hints of it before it happens. chefs kiss

Single biggest visual improvement: the scary fucked up water that kills you

Yeah I do wish id played this earlier LMAO

glados hums me beautiful songs

I’m imagining that literally none of this is landing for chell like she doesn’t care. and/or glados is just making shit up and so chell also doesn’t care

wheres the dev thing where they were like ‘chell doesn’t talk because she’s just fucking pissed’

She's literally obsessed with me

Genuinely why does anyone like wheatley I'm gonna crush this little shit like a soda can

Guy accuses a woman who has literally never spoken to him or responded to a thing hes said of being bossy

At least the ways in which cave johnson sucks are really funny

i was talking about how wheatley is kind of a stand-in for aperture as an entity and i think cj is a continuation of that. like the above screenshot lines up as being an evolution of cj’s distaste for the ‘lab boys’ and ‘bean counters’; a top-down disdain for the people actually making ‘progress’ possible and keeping things running

me when i have 60 dollars

Valve in particular has a way of making its social commentary so pointed and over the top that its funniness almost but not quite overshadows the point it’s making. In a good way let me be clear

Like it’s so ridiculous you almost forget it’s criticizing/interrogating real phenomena that it’s honestly not depicting that absurdly because everything is very very intentional

i like the idea of chell being like. essentially an ordinary uninvolved person as much as she can be just thematically. glados is petty in the way that humans are petty, she chooses insults that are like… low-hanging fruit because of the environment she was cultivated in, so i think it’s both funnier and more thematically resonant if chell is like. Not even a little bit emotionally affected by glados fucking with her she’s just like Get me out of hereeeeee

A lot of people’s theories about this game seem to rely on glados being truthful which is fucking hilarious

woman who is making shit up to fuck with you: I am making shit up to fuck with you gamers: goly FUCK theory #CONFIRMED?????????????

aw hell no not the aperture science ejaculation gel

Wheatley can you quit jacking off over mic. Genuinely discusses me I hope he explodes

I do not want him to experience pleasure in any form much less as a result of my actions

The fucked up turretcubes are very cute though. Like hermitcrabs

Oh hey it’s the part where he kills me

this is a really good visual gag

Genuinely how does anyone admit to wanting to fuck wheatley how is that not an incredibly embarrassing thing to admit to

how sexist the adventure sphere is was funny and again it is not common for me to say that. valve just knows what they're doing

She’s holding my hand…

Rent free in her fucking head

Rent. Free.

Literally obsessed with me.

I don’t think it’s supposed to do this but it’s on a black screen with no options and has been for like five minutes and i sat there for the entire five minutes like ‘wow this is so poignant…’

Anyway yeah that kicked ass

[freneticfloetry]

I know. I'm late. Who's shocked, at this point? The end of esta noche will be up this weekend (or before, if the odds are in my favor tomorrow). In the meantime, have a taste of the next thing in line (which I'm super excited about, actually), along with a shiny new header for 2025!

Thanks to @carlos-in-glasses @paperstorm @strandnreyes @bonheur-cafe @whatsintheboxmh @nisbanisba @carlossreaders and @heartstringsduet for the tags today. 😘

"Do you think this was his way of breaking the news that he doesn't want to live with me anymore?" Snorting, she snags the last strip of bacon from his plate. "Yeah, you've officially lost me." "Think about it. The guys he hooks up with, he doesn't even stay to see sunrise." He draws his shoulders up to his ears and lets them drop back again. "Now he's just gonna, what, live with one for the rest of his life?" "The rest of — wow, okay." She puts both eyebrows up in that particular way that means she thinks he's pathetic but thinks actually saying so is too basic. "Alejandro, I say this with every shred of affection between us, plus the brunch you're now buying because you've made my brain hurt: there are literal lesbians who move slower than this." "Nora, I'm serious," he hisses, snatching what's left of his bacon back. "He's noped out of the last three showings. He gets cagey whenever I send a link to a listing. At this point, I can't even come anywhere near him with an open browser." But it's also Henry, who hates confrontation, who gets anxious about change, who can pluck endless poetry out of thin air but struggles with words that will hurt to hear. Alex shakes his head. Regardless of Nora's trash take, the rest of his life feels pretty damn accurate. In hindsight, he'd sort of figured that they'd find a place and move themselves in and just keep going like this forever — the same companionship and cohabitation that some might call co-dependence, with Henry fucking his way through every dude with Daddy Issues until either his looks or his trust fund ran out, and Alex secretly, silently, stupidly in love with him until the approximate heat death of the universe. He'd never considered that Henry might opt for a secret third thing: moving on with his life, without Alex in it. The bacon crumbles to bits in his hand. He bites into his lower lip, instead. "What if..." He stops. Swallows hard. Starts again. "Nora, what if he just fucked me goodbye?"

Y’all were quick this week! Tagging in @never-blooms @liminalmemories21 @rmd-writes @reyesstrand @lemonlyman-dotcom @orchidscript @ladytessa74 @three-drink-amy @herefortarlos @carlos-tk @welcometololaland and @alrightbuckaroo.

[oli-ribbun-ver]

EP 4 RAMBLE PART 3 FINAL!!

(ft the other episodes! but mainly ep 4!)

okay actually i think this is more of a gangle ramble now but thats fine

part 1

part 2

CONTINUATION OF THE GANGLE PEOPLE-PLEASER PART OF THE RAMBLE FROM PART 2!

lets see... where did i leave off... RIGHT!!

There are a lot of parts in ALL episodes where she doesn't want to cause problems for people. Which is typically normal for everyone, HOWEVER. Her idea of 'causing problems' is her opening up to people about how she truly feels, or even voicing her feelings in general if they're about someone.

I've already gone over the Pomni conversation and the bit where she has a mini breakdown, and I said I'd include even more of the other episodes in this, so! Let's begin at Ep 1!

Let's talk about what I've observed in episode one.

YES THIS IS IMPORTANT.

Notice how it's emphasized she says it quietly? (I know it's for comedic effect, but EVERYTHING seems to be important for every character, like how the darkness from the bucket on Kinger's head in Ep 2 helped him remember something about Ragatha before immediately forgetting it and then the reason he only remembers things in the darkness is explained! Seems like a minor detail that means nothing, turns out to be HUGE.

She doesn't want to cause a problem. In this case, the 'problem' would be her fully interrupting the conversation because she's worried about her friend. In the mind of a people pleaser, even if it helps someone out, you feel a sense of pressure on you when mentioning someone needs help to others, because "What if I cause a problem or make them mad? I don't wanna do that!", those thoughts are pretty normal, ESPECIALLY for people-pleasers.

"Wait, what about Zooble?" Is said so quietly, you can barely hear it. She either doesn't want her voice to be heard, or she DOES but is too scared to say it more loudly because of some version of the thoughts I described.

not as important but I'd like to note how she literally says NOTHING. like. nothing. i just think its kinda funny but also she just. doesnt give her opinion at all? she wasnt even asked if she wanted to go with them to check on kaufmo they just dgaf about her 😭

ANYWAY

This is the only time she gives her opinion and its not even an opinion HELP

Also I'm trying to save space so I don't have to make a part 4 so shortly into this, since I know I'll have to make one anyway, but I wanna mention how she hides behind her broken mask to protect herself after he screams which kinda hits different now that we know more about her mask.

But anyway, I'll make a seperate little portion of this ramble for that!

I'd like to mention too, anytime she is shoved, has something mean said to her, or has her comedy mask broken, she doesn't complain or say anything about it except for maybe an "ow". I find that interesting, because I think the reason for this is that she doesn't want anyone worrying about her. AKA, she doesn't want to cause a 'problem'.

She wants to please. One does not please by being a 'problem', right? That's probably how she thinks, anyway.

When Jax tells her to do something she doesn't want to do, whether he pressured her like that or not, it wouldn't have made a difference, because she can't bring herself to say 'no.'

In my opinion, from what it sounds like when she says "I don't think we—" she probably would've ended up saying yes regardless. Hell, if he'd just followed it up with "do it," I don't see a world in which she wouldn't, although she'd probably be more hesitant.

also why does his back bend like that he looks like hes gonna become an old man any second now HELP 😭

Also, when Jax threatens her by saying "Do it, or I'll tell Ragatha about the figurine thing," I think that really does something to her.

Every time she's either built up the confidence to say no, or someone has tried to help her say no, she's kicked down in one way or another INSTANTLY.

Episode 4 did not help with that. I believe in the next few episodes, she will not be better about saying no. She might even be worse off, knowing Ragatha thinks her being happy is annoying.

People-pleasers are in different worlds. Being the type of people-pleaser Gangle is, it's an entirely different world from others. It carries a lot of what I can only describe as delusion to it.

If Pomni had not stepped up when Gangle thought she was alone after work hours, Gangle would have abstracted. I am a firm believer in that. She was breaking. Losing her mind.

Gangle tells herself to stop trying to achieve her dream while breaking down over the fact her efforts to achieve her dream might not be enough.

So let's go there, and get a

Closer look at Gangle's mental state.

(and why she's most likely the least unwell character)

Gangle is mentally ill. Everyone knows that already, but to what extent?

I'm not sure if we'll ever know.

But what we do know is this.

More likely than not, Gangle almost abstracted in Ep 4. And out of everyone who has EVER vented so far, Gangle has shared relatively nothing. Even after the Spudsy's adventure, what we've seen so far is her never mentioning her feelings except that she feels like she messed everything up.

Gangle doesn't know how to help herself. Zooble can make her feel better, but not for long, because Gangle doesn't think she can get better.

When she was about to vent to Pomni, she stopped as soon as she felt like her feelings were REALLY about to come loose, put her new happy mask back on, said she had no time to talk about her feelings, and fled.

What I think is that Gangle thinks everyone is more important than her, so when she FINALLY got to be important she was happy. Really, truly happy.

The worst thing you can do is make someone think they're not wanted or loved.

Something that makes me sad is that Gangle does not feel wanted or loved.

Gangle was almost gone in Episode 4.

We almost lost Gangle. Had Gangle abstracted, she'd die without ever feeling like people cared about her.

For all we know, she could be the first person to abstract after Kaufmo.

I personally believe that.

The end of Episode 4 was a su¡cide attempt. (is that word allowed? im not sure..l ill censor it anyway)

I saw someone say this in the comment section of either the episode itself or a reaction video, and I completely agree.

They say before people commit su¡cide, they have a sudden boost of joy. Everything will be over soon. Why not enjoy that fact?

I think it was a subconscious su¡cide, at the very least.

She was happy. For the first time without a happy mask to hide how she feels deep down, she was happy.

She had a sudden boost of happiness, and then stepped backwards into oncoming traffic. When someone experiences a near-death situation by their own hand, there's a moment of regret before they are gone. I've experienced it myself, and it is horrid. That feeling is one I will never be able to forget. Even if I never so much as blacked out, I felt faint, and I will NEVER forget that fear, that horror, dread, regret.

The shock. Wondering if it was truly me who did it.

And I think. That is what Gangle experienced.

And then, that feeling was brushed off by Caine, whether she knew he doesn't understand the feeling of wanting to disappear or not, she was quick to blame herself for it all. Both about her performance to Caine, and alone, to nobody but herself.

"I guess I just... cracked under the pressure I suppose."

And maybe, just maybe.

That crack will never heal.

Thank you for listening and reading my ramble, everyone!! I appreciate it more than you know!

Bye bye for now, friends! Have a lovely day!

[nerd-space]

HIII HO!! i’d like to hear ur thoughts on chris w a lazy ass pillow princess gf… like yeah she’s gonna lowkey instigate the shit but then she’s just gonna stare up at him like 🤨 well?

him lowkey trying to knock some sense into her by only letting her dry hump him… and when she doesn’t wanna do it… ORGASM CONTROL HI HELLO!!!!?!!?!! holding her hips down to wind her up and up and up and then slowing down to fuck with her… sigh…

Im in this post and i like it... tehe..🤭

him tryna be stern with you and be like

"Kay you wanted to be a brat take care of yourself"

followed by

"uhh..i dont wanna?"

THE RELATIONSHIP IS LOWK HILARIOUS LMDAO

acts annoyed but secretly loves being able to do literally whatever he wants cuz you're so pliant 😩

"Hon, c'mon already i asked you to do something- do it please?"

"but.. nooo.. that's so much work Chrissyyyyyy..."

"...Okay.. fine this one time- i will let it slide"

(he lets this slide everytime btw.)

Ending up in Chris fucking you while you're on your back- forcing a vibrator to your clit while he slows and speeds up his thrusting and the toy and seconds before youre gonna cum he takes it off and pulls out 😔😔

"N-nono!- noo! Chris!"

"Aw what? what was that? is my girl complaining because she didn't wanna do the work? and is now facing punishment?"

"Yes! yes i'm complaining! i was gunna cum!.."

"That's just too damn bad huh? now quit complaining and let me fuck you."

only to be cut off by the feeling of him pushing in and the vibrator getting set to high... oOo

[iwasmadetobeasoldier]

ooc important

guys, so hi, its Sandy again.

Okay I have some exciting news. So some of you might know that I was under the weather for a good little bit with depressing thoughts and crippling anxiety. I'm not on meds and have not been diagnosed with anything officially, but I was suicidal for around two months straight.

I felt- well, I felt free the first day of the year. Maybe it was just because my birthday is like- tomorrow, and that I made it another year. Well, GOOD NEWS GUYS I'M NOT SUICIDAL ANYMORE!! 🤟🤩 I feel great and that I literally walked through it without giving up. I've lost so much but the heck with giving up, screw you depression!! I am not dead and I'm not gonna let this end me, okay??

I thought maybe you guys would like to know that I am just great and you can do it. You can make it, I just know it. True, I'm not perfect now, I still get sad, I still get angry but I'm not dead.

Feel free to listen to the songs above at anytime and this one below is also great.