#okay okay i swear i'll shut up about putting lucy in the hospital again
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leslieseveride · 3 months ago
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if cliché bad, why grey restraining tim from following lucy into the o.r. after spotting her being pushed in on a gurney so, so good????
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matthewfairchildfanclub · 4 years ago
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TSC except it's incorrect quotes and it's part 2 and it's really fucking long sorry.
Cordelia: I like your top.
James, wearing a very bright shirt: Thank-
Matthew: Thanks dude, I like you to.
_
Anna: Gender is a game and I have the cheat codes.
_
Clary, at Starbucks: Can I get a venti caramel macchiato with, uh... seven shots of espresso.
Simon, behind her: Jesus Christ, Clary, just do cocaine.
_
James: If you were to die, what would be your last words?
Matthew: Finally.
James: No-
_
Izzy, on the phone with Magnus: Is it okay if I bring my weird roommate?
Simon: Would you please stop calling me that.
_
Clary: You sure you're sober enough to drive?
Jace: Yeah, I didn't drink anything.
Clary: Okay, go get the car.
Alec: [running after Jace]
Clary: It's okay, he's sober!
Alec: HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO DRIVE!
_
Will: Jem, you have beautiful eyes.
Jem: You too.
Tessa: ...
Tessa: Did I miss something?
Will: I'm straight, I just like his eyes.
Tessa: You're gay for his eyes.
Will: Exactly!
Will: Wait, no
_
Lucie, walking out in a new outfit: How do I look?
Matthew: Holy shit, that's the ugliest thing I've ever seen.
Lucie: Excuse you?!
Matthew: No, not you, the thing sitting beside you.
Alastair: Fuck you.
_
Magnus: You sure know a lot about the law.
Julian: I do a lot of borderline illegal shit.
_
Cordelia: Lucie! Don't let go!
Lucie, dangling from the side of the cliff: WHY THE FUCK WOULD I LET GO?!
_
Kit: I think I forgot to sleep because I was looking at memes.
Dru: If you ever wonder why you have no friends, just remember that sentence.
_
Christopher: Oh, tiddlywinks.
Matthew: JUST SAY FUCK
_
Will: Swear words are banned in this house, if you say one you'll be grounded.
Matthew: Heck.
Will: You're on thin fucking ice, kid.
_
Jace: You may not know this, Alec, but I'm a flawed person.
Alec: I do know that.
_
Dru: [reading the exorcist]
Dru: [laughs]
_
Matthew: I know you can be "underwhelmed" and you can be "overwhelmed" but...
Matthew: Can you ever just be whelmed?
James: ...
Christopher: I think you can in Bulgaria!
_
James: I think I'm in love with Cordelia.
Grace: Congratulations! You're officially the last one to know.
_
Tessa: James, what are you doing here? Weren't you making spaghetti tacos with Mattew, Christopher, and Thomas?
James: Well, I was.
Tessa: ... was?
James: Well, I- it was just getting hot downstairs because of the fire.
Tessa: THE WHAT?!
(Downstairs the kitchen is completely on fire)
Christoper, looking around while Matthew and Thomas try to put the fire out with olive oil: Oh, this isn't good.
_
Jace: Please shut up.
Simon: Well, since you asked nicely, no.
_
Will: No pain, no gain!
Matthew: But I'm in constant pain and I've lost everything-
_
Matthew: If you'll excuse me, I must attend to my evening affairs.
James: You mean drinking wine and eating gummy bears until you pass out on a chaise?
Cordelia: Or reading Layla and Majnun and crying in the bath because they didn't deserve it?
Lucie: Or shouting your own poetry from your balcony?
Matthew: All three, in that order.
_
Will: What have I told you about comparing Tatiana to the devil?
Lucie: ... that it's offensive to the devil?
_
Jamie: These people are my friends!
Jamie: I've known them for twelve hours!
_
Clary: What are we gonna do?
Simon: Don't worry, you're so small they probably won't see you.
Clary: Simon, is this really the time to be making short jokes?
Simon: Clary, it's never not the time, because just like you, life is short.
_
Matthew, drunk: Always strive to eat the stars.
Lucie, half asleep: Aren't they too hot?
Matthew: Blow on them first, idiot.
_
Cashier: Would you like your check?
Ty: If someone is being murdered right now it would be my alibi, but if someone gets murdered in the store they could pin it on me.
Cashier: Sir?
Ty: I want to speak to a lawyer.
_
Magnus: If you had to choose between Jace and all the money I have in my pocket, which would you choose.
Alec: Depends. How much money are we talking about?
Jace: Alec????
Magnus: Eleven cents.
Alec: Sold.
Jace: ALEC?!!??!?!
_
Alastair: Cursing is for those who have a limited vocabulary.
Matthew: You are an audacious, ideologically unsound, captious, presumptuous, motherfucker.
_
Clary: Hey, uh, maybe we need Simon's help with this one?
Jace: I would literally rather die.
_
Cristina: Name a way to be nice to people.
Kieran: Don't stab them.
Cristina: ...
Cristina: Setting the bar a little low but I'll allow it.
_
Tessa: Where have you been?
Will: Emotional hell.
_
Kit: I made you all of you into Sims, look.
Jace: Where are you?
Kit: I'm in the grave in the backyard.
Jace:
Clary:
Jace: Put me there to.
Clary: Oh my god-
_
Emma: I have the sharpest memory, name one time I forgot something.
Zara: You forgot me in a Walmart parking lot, like, three weeks ago.
Emma: I did that on purpose, try again.
_
Matthew: Will, did you know "thot" means "thoughtful person."
Will: Really? I did not know this modern slang.
(later)
Will: Thank you for helping me with the stables, Tessa, you're such a thot.
Tessa, wheezing: I'm a WHAT?
_
Julian: [choking]
Kit: I'm trying to call 911 but the 9 button isn't working!
Dru: Just flip your phone upside down and use the 6.
Julian, stopping his choking for a second: What the fu-
_
Emma, getting in the front seat: Alright, is everyone ready to go?
The Blackthorns: Yep!
Emma: Okay, let's go.
(looks into the mirror to see Zara running after the van)
Emma: [whispers to herself] Goodbye you little shit.
_
Cordelia: What the hell is going on??
Matthew: Oh, great, you heard my cry for help.
Cordelia: You mean your girly scream?
Matthew: I MEAN MY CRY FOR HELP
_
James: The risk I took was calculated.
James: But holy shit am I bad at math.
_
Izzy and Magnus: [getting arrested at a protest]
Cop: Fake ID's, fake credit card. Got anything on you that's real?
Izzy: My tits.
Magnus: My ass.
_
[in a group chat]
Dru: Adding "lmao" does not hide your pain.
Kit: Yeah it does lmao.
_
Matthew: Excuse me, who made James the boss of the group.
Christopher: You did.
Thomas: You said, "James should be the boss".
Lucie: And then you said, "lets vote," and it was unanimous.
Cordelia: And then you made him a plaque that says, "Boss Of Us".
Anna: And put little sparkles all over it.
Matthew: ... All valid points.
_
Matthew: And once again, James and Matthew save the day.
Lucie: You didn't do anything.
Thomas: It was all James.
Matthew: We're a package deal. Everyone knows that.
_
Jem: I am not "too nice"!
Will: Jem, you apologized-
Jem: I have manners!
Will: -to the waiter who spilled soup on your lap.
_
Kit: You wanna see how hardcore I am?
Kit: [punches a wall]
Kit: Take me to the hospital.
_
Julian: People ask me how I handle the rest of my family so easily.
Julian: The truth is, I don't.
Julian: I have no control over them.
Julian: I walked into the house today and Mark shot me in the neck with a nerf gun.
_
(At a New Years Eve party)
Alec, to the TMI gang: I would like to make a toast!
Alec, raising his glass: I cannot believe we have gone through another twelve months of absolute fuckery.
Alec: Cheers!
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