#okay okay I'm done talking abt this for now. I'm gonna work on being normal again

[welcometogrouchland]

Pacing around my room (metaphorically, I'm very much in bed) trying to sort out all my thanks to them thoughts. What is going ON in here (my brain)?????

[shmorp-mcdurgen]

do you have any personal hcs abt half life characters and/or hlvrai characters

Indeed I do (i'm gonna focus on regular half life characters rather than them plus HLVRAI-)

Gordon Freeman:

-Completely mute. He was born with underdeveloped vocal chords so he can't really make any noises of any kind, and thus can't speak. He instead uses sign language or just writing something down to communicate.

-Is such a nerd and I say this affectionately. He will ramble about certain scientific topics if given the chance.

-I can't stress this enough he is literally a normal guy. He was not built for fighting aliens and going against eldritch horrors. No he is not doing okay

-Not very social around people he's not familiar with. Actually quite socially awkward and a bit of a loner.

-that being said he IS friends with Barney and Dr. Kleiner specifically. They were the ones he hung around the most in Black Mesa.

Barney Calhoun:

Whenever I talk about Barney, just know that my interpretation of him is based on how he acted in Half life 1 rather than HL2. that being said

-he sounds so done with everything. He speaks in a pretty monotonous voice most of the time, and has a hard time showing emotions. He could be freaked the fuck out and he'd still have a bored look on his face- /LHJ

-walks with a slight limp from a workplace accident, before the resonance cascade.

-Pretty apathetic and pessimistic sounding, but he does genuinely care. Just because he thought 100% he was going to die in the resonance cascade doesn't mean he's going to give up and let it happen easily

-Kinda gets talked down upon by the science team (aside from Dr. Kleiner and Gordon of course) so he has a grudge against them. thinks most of them believe they're better than everyone else.

-Depressed. yeah turns out working in a concrete underground science facility isn't great for your mental health. No he does not know of this diagnosis.

-Gordon was his best friend, so when he didn't see Gordon escape Black Mesa. He got. extremely worried to say the least.

I don't really have a lot of headcanons for the other characters right now? At least nothing that hasn't already been established in canon. also i'm focusing on he HL1 characters cause its the one I know the most about. but yeah. I like these two, they're silly

[ichorblossoms]

🫵 Get uno reversed. Tell me about Honeybee!! What's up with Grimm and Yarrow!!

HAIIIIII !!!! OKAY SO i did write about the general premise of honeybee and it's three parts before here. that's the basic "what the fuck are you talking about mintt" intro that i have locked and loaded now for if people ever ask me what the fuck it is i'm being so mentally ill about

AS a story itself, i envision honeybee as an illustrated novel of sorts, told in a semi-linear way. because i apparently cannot be a normal person who wants to tell stories in normal ways. the illustrations and whatnot will need to be decently worked out once i get a solid first draft of the story written, but i currently want to do something like this with the pages where instead of traditional illustrations it's something more akin to comic panels

(caveat that this is a mockup with first-draft unedited writing (with <placeholders>) and quick doodles. this is as not-final as it gets dshgklfdhlgh)

colors not final and this is definitely NOT the art style i'll be using for honeybee, i just needed to convey my ideas dhklghdflkg also i do want to get really fun and funky with the layouts but this was with csp and not like. indesign so it'll be a whole Process come time to actaully tell the final version of honeybee hdklghfdlg

basically i want to have the best of both worlds where i can get into grimm and yarrow's heads when i need to (it's written in third-person limited in both of their povs depending on the chapter/scene), while also showing things as they happen bc i feel like there are crucial moments in the story that hit harder when you see the characters reacting rather than what's going through their heads in the moment? this also is fully bc i'm a visual artist before a writer, but the nature of reading comics means people generally will consume the story faster, so i want to disrupt that a bit

like i said, i'm still on the first draft of the story, so i have a general arc of where i want things to go and land, but i'm still figuring out a LOT of the in-between details. the out-of-date thought-vomit outline is at almost 11k words, while the actual first draft is at 43.5k, which is…..mmmmmaybe about 1/3 of the way done…..? idk, there's a lot of stuff i want to say and do with the story that i haven't yet, so i truly don't know how long the full draft will be. i also think i'm gonna end up trimming a lot of what i currently have written and i also have scenes that have completely changed but. gotta get a draft down first

AS for grimm and yarrow well. god where do i start. they kind of have a different dynamic in each part of the story. p1 is about two strangers—one who gives without thinking and another who has received so little kindness—getting to know one another and learning about how the world is both kinder and crueler than they expect. p2 is about two people who knew one another but are sort of strangers again trying to open themselves up to trusting one another despite a number of personal issue on both ends, and how the process of doing that fucking hurts both parties, but, in the case of these two at least, results in both of them being the happiest they've been in a long, long time. p3 is about two people who are madly in love with one another trying to wreak havoc on the people responsible for getting in the way of that. they drive me bonkers fuckin yonkers for different reasons on their own AND together. yeehaw

briefly back to what i mentioned earlier abt the story being told semi-linearly: p3 is the "present day" of the story, so despite me calling it "part three", honeybee as a work opens with the beginning of p3. from there the story flips between the past (parts 1 and 2), as it is told chronologically, and the present. this is bc i want to make it abundantly clear from the get go that the two of them are so in love with one another and this is a story about both how they got there and what the fuck they're doing now

i could go on about a lot of things here for a lot of time bc i've been hyperfixating on trying to build/tell this story for almost a year and a half now, but i'm gonna call it with the post now bc if i don't, it will dissolve into even more rambling (but you are welcome to ask follow-up questions. no pressure though hfkghldf)

[carmenized-onions]

SIGH you got me good with this one I fear

Okay so the chap is still fresher in my mind this time since I read yesterday!! Itemized yap sheet incoming below based mostly on the order they happened

1) Yoooooo

That just cracked me up okay. Had to add. But also like. I love them. I love that Tony is so nervous to catch up with Richie bc it means talking abt mikey, but also relieved and excited ish to talk to richie bc it means talking abt mikey does that makes ykwim

2) AAAAAAA listen the way that Carmy thinks about Tony to calm down?? Like hes having a panic attack and he thinks about Tony and is calmed slightly by smelling her shampoo in his hair literally makes me ILL

2b) kinda related but also like not ?? But Anyway Like. Carmy like unsure whether or not he is actually scared/believes Richie when he says he could end his relationship with tony got me like on my knees in my workplace when I read that bc UGH he has absolutely zero confidence and i just want to kiss his face okay. Also him not really wanting to share tony with Richie is so real of him actually. Like he wants Tony to just be his and that's so sweet.

3) if we dont find out the chip storyline ill riot if only for Carmy's sake cause like Carm, im also now very intrigued that Richie didn't immediately blab when prompted but also go richie thats very cute

4)AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Scream break mb

5) last one but like the painting??? The way that it starts with the beef and has like pictures of before and stuff and the mid point is mikey and then it has pictures from like the building process and ends with the The Bear sign? IM DECEASED YOU KILLED ME THATS SO GOOD WHAT LITERALLY WHAT

6)okay im i liar whatever could i edit the post yes will i no. I digress. Last one fr. So the way both their lil povs end with them saying on friday they'll do right by each other??? Im so gone actually wtf

Anyways as always i adore you and your writing RAAAA

HEHEHEH GOTCHU!!! GOT YOUR ASS!!!

yoooooooo -- The next convos are really some of my favourite to write, i get to amp up the funny and math out what their texting styles would probably be, it's fun!!

Also yes, it's very much that part of grief where it's like a knife to talk about them, but it's also nice, it's weird when in the grief process, everyone around you acts like that person just simply Never Happened in fear of being triggering-- It's nice for Tony and Richie to get to talk raw!! Even if it's anxiety inducing to lead with it!!

2. Hehehhehe, he does it a LOT, When he called her before, trying and failing to get her voicemail, when he was having an episode in the diner and then Tony came back and he became Normal mostly. Grounding Tool but it's a Person

3. listen baby, I don't put a gun in the first act just to not fire it. I've had this backstory since chapter two. And honestly, I was extremely nervous that someone was gonna guess it and I was being too obvious. Thank God, no one has, yet-- But also no one's guessed, so like, feel free to throw in your guesses, love to hear em.

4. AHHHHHHHH!!!! Here let's see, during this scream break what can I give you...

This is what I'm screaming over, personally. This is Chapter 10 alone, LMAO. AND I'M NOT EVEN DONE LMAOOOO. The goal for me is to get it out this Friday, so it's like, timely and on theme. But we'll see how tired I am, this work week. Might've just gotten a commission (that I honestly don't want to take lmaoo) so we'll see. Fingers crossed. It's definitely gonna need me to take my eyes off it for a day and come back to, so keep your fingers crossed, for me.

5. OH GOOD! I was worried I described it poorly; there's always that fear, when you have to make the thing that's like the thing of the story, and if it's not good then what the FUCK WAS IT FOR!!!!!????

I'm vv happy to hear it killed you, is what I'm trying to say. I also thought the idea was very sweet. Hehhehe

6. You're always free to yap on end, never fear such a thing. Yes!! Their POVs start and end the same way, which is just like, a cute lil touch, yknow. Two anxious mfs. In the club tnnnnn, trying to do right by each other if it fuckin' KILLS them

thank you thank you thank u as always i love to hear this and i hope u enjoy Friday whenever the FUCK it comes out.

[chlorinecake]

Okay hey so like AHHHHHHH. I'm a new anon

Me and my boyfie are going to do it next week

Yes "it".

But it's going to be my first and I'm scared because I'm inexperienced?

Like I don't know what to do and how to do I'm scared about my a$$ and pu$$y because I don't know what hole the €0¢k goes in?😭

And what do I do because the holes aren't that big that it would go in?

Can you please help 😭

Hi hi !! And welcome to my inbox, chica 🤑

Ok so BIG TOPIC HERE -> ✨seggs✨<-

Quick Disclaimer: I’m a virgin myself, so most of the advice I have for you comes from the women in my life or personally obtained common sense :)

The first good sign is that you’re obviously comfortable talking about “it,” not just with me, but with your partner, too.

Second, I’d also like to point out that being scared before your first time is completely normal, esp if your boyfriend is also inexperienced.

One thing I’d like to unpack here before getting into anything else tho is your reasons behind why you two wanna take that next step. Make sure it’s for good reasons, because once you lose your virginity, you can’t get it back. Make sure you’re 110% certain he’s the person you wanna give that to.

NOW, another thing is the actual anatomy behind sex. 🐱 penetration is the only way a biological female can lose her virginity: taking it in the 🍑 does not count. Also, you’re gonna need to make sure he understands what hole you want it in, because from what I’ve heard, taking it in the 🍑 is not only messier, but it hurts more, whereas (with the proper prep) 🐱 penetration is a lot less painful.

Also: USE PROTECTION ‼️

Okay, now that THAT’S all cleared up, we can discuss how to prepare. If you’ve never touched yourself before, now’s a good time to start so you can learn more abt what your body likes and doesn’t like.

But, if you have touched yourself before, great, you’re one step ahead.

Basically, just make sure you’re wet enough down there before he tries going in: this could be done by touching yourself prior, or letting him work you up with simple foreplay (like kissing, touching, etc.)

And once he’s in, try not to rush things: take it slow until you adjust to the stretch before speeding things up.

Last thing I wanna point out in this LONG ASF (but hopefully helpful) response is that girls rarely finish (or org@$m) during their first time. It’s just because your body’s still relatively new to the sensations, so it’ll take a few more tries to get it right, but I wish you the best of luck, anon !! Hopefully everything goes well no matter what decision you make in the end and I’ll see you around 🫶

[37-children-of-the-dreams]

Now that I think abt it, Ace and Jeredy were So. Damn. Fruity.

To be friends at work is one thing but Ace quitting STORM just to Co-parent Chase without hesitation (Trying to isolate him from his friends at first ASIDE) to after getting turned into a lab rat experiment to then STILL stay with Jeredy (Just the two of them Alone in a moving train while the kids did dangerous stuff you KNOW what I'm talking abt), like yes, bby I'm gonna rebel against my old boss, help raise the kid you abandoned, and risk my life against literal psychopaths hellbent on world domination at your side, even after getting turned into an abomination of a monster that only YOU could bring back my humanity both literally and figuratively-

And then Sophia gets back and magically the Sunos are one big happy family. Yay!

It's got it all, the drama, the trauma, the heartbreak, Sophia spending so many years away from Chase she doesn't register him as her son anymore and instead choosing to spend time with Beyal (Who has NO IDEA the damage he's inflicting onto Chase and never MEANT TO, he's also just a teen-!!!) To the revelation of an unhappy marriage from the start, and how it accidentally led to Jeredy and Ace to spend more time together, and with Sophia out of the picture there's nothing stoping them from crossing the line, but then there's the regret, Jeredy's obsessions, his terrible emotional ineptitude and supportive, ride or die, heart on his sleeve Jon Ace.

Jeredy getting cold feet and breaking everything off when Sophia is 'Rescued' to attempt to pretend (Terribly, mind you) to be a happy family again, except it doesn't work.

And poor Chase is in the middle of it all, this boy can't catch a fk break.

His dad uses him and pushes him away when he doesn't need him, his mom ignores him (If downright denies his existence to dote on another boy his age -His friend!!!-)

Ace dives into work, running STORM all on his own, and pretends nothing ever happened between him and Jeredy, all the sacrifices, all the words said and left unsaid, all the energy and time wasted...

Monsuno is a tragedy of astronomic proportions, omg

Jon Ace is the reason (at least one of) that Jeredy is on extremely thin ice. Actually, he’s the reason Jeredy is a spaghetti noodle before it gets wet. You don’t just get close to a man after your wife disappears and leaves you your only child without thinking that the man working with you is a good man to hook up with and make a good stepfather for the kid. I don’t help that Jon legit protected Jeredy from Klipse even when he became Toxic Ace because Jeredy remind him that he’s not some puppet monster and instead the man he’s happy being next to.

Like, I swear, if Jeredy didn’t just lie to Chase about Sophia’s actual disappearance and how he might never find her because he can’t find even a single trace of her, maybe Chase would still see that his dad still wants a companion or a partner in his life because he’s been a single father for so long and the fact that he can’t find Sophia no matter what would Chase understand that he’s not replacing Sophia, he’s just wanting to have someone be with him again. And maybe even if Chase finds out that Sophia is alive and can find her, maybe he’d be okay if his family dynamic is changing and that it’s not going to be so bad because it’s Jon that Jeredy would want as a partner. I mean, Chase trust Jon and has done a lot for Jon to be normal again, and Jon does care for Chase even if the methods aren’t always the best so really, Jeredy should have just said something and not lie because season three was rather umm… lackluster in the family department.

(Okay, this season wasn’t lackluster in the family department, it was just a downright, straight up nuclear disaster in the family department)

As for Sophia, I think even she’d agree that her marriage with Jeredy isn’t going to stay a marriage or be the same anymore because of the years she’s been away from her family. And considering that she’d have conversations with Jon about her family before season three, she’d know that Jeredy isn’t the same man she once married and that he has shifted his focus from her to Jon while still knowing that they’ll at least still be able to give Chase a sense of a happy family. But, it’s still kinda weird that she would only bond with Beyal for one episode and not bond with the rest of the team in other episodes of season three because, as much as I understand why she’d bond with Beyal, she should know that her son has other friends and that they also deserve to bond with her. And also, considering that the episode they bonded was about Tebab, why did the writers not include Dawnmaster in this episode? Like, dude was on Master Ey’s contact list and he is willing to body enemy combatants to protect the people in his contract. Heck, Dawn might even be willing to bond with Beyal and Sophia on the basis that it ain’t his first time protecting those with Monsuno Sight.

Sophia should’ve had episodes where she’s bonding with all of Team Core Tech and not just Beyal. Like, she owes Bren and Jinja her time for being the reason Chase doesn’t suffer from major depression, and she owes Dax for being the teammate that Chase can trust even when things look shady. Heck, Sophia and Chase should’ve had an episode together with Six in it (Think before Pet for more heartbreaking reasons) and get Sophia up to speed about the fact she’s now a grandma. Idk what might’ve happened there but like if Chase had told her things and how Six is family despite everything, Sophia might’ve been curious enough to try and bond with her new ‘grandson.’

This would’ve been better for Chase instead of what happened with his family in season three because despite the changes in his family life, Chase can have his mother back while also having another dependable father (Jon Ace) around even if he’s a workaholic. He’s basically getting a bigger family who wants him to be happy and will try to always be there for him. Now add Six in this and Chase can have a family that wants to heal and help each family member with their trauma. Okay, maybe not all of them considering Jeredy, but there’s no way Six ain’t wanting to help Chase if Chase helped him heal from being Klipse’s clone.

Instead we got the most awkward season and series finale and it was so rushed that if Monsuno had been as popular as other anime, it’d have taken Game of Thrones spot for the most rushed ending.

[makeste]

i don't get it tbh. the apology shouldn't have been here. it was in the middle of everything and it had basically no impact on deku whatsoever? this was sooooo no what i was expecting and tbh i'm kinda mad about it ngl lol also ngl times twice but if whatever ochaco says does reach him instead of the kacchan apology that's been built up as the emotional climax for the entire series i'm just flat out gonna drop this manga lmao. but this was barely an emotional climax at all, i really don't get it

2/2 like we get just a few pages? shoved in there like "okay everyone talked now kacchan disappears from the chapter, that's over and done with, moving on" the apology itself was great, but the placement and brevity undermined its emotional resonance. deku remains the exact same after hearing it, doesn't think about katsuki at all. just about his earlier "can't keep up" words? then we go on to ochaco whose "saving heroes even though that's what everyone has been doing" i guess is more important?

3/3 (last one promise) like i'm sorry but there was time for several chaps of endeavor ugly crying, for mineta's anal beads and pervy romantic trope non-confession, for overhaul to pop up being his usual piece of shit self for no plot-relevant reason, for adult top heroes to stand around for chapters like "huh everything we're doing is awful. let's keep on trusting this smelly kid" and. a few panels for kacchan apology. no reaction. shoved among "idk u well mido but stay!" + ochaco making faces

4/4 (i lied) and all this after katsuki's distress and emotions were once more made into jokes at the hospital, emotional consequences of the war ignored, w all might probably dying and the last thing he did to this kid was ditch him leaving us to guess he maybe gives a shit abt him and maybe he bothered to visit in the hospital cuz they sure didn't show shit. i honestly feel like all katsuki stuff was shoved into the background: krbk friendship for mina, dkbk for ofa, name reveal for jokes...

okay, so I have talked in the past about fandom reacting like Miette whenever this stuff happens, and tbh this is basically what I mean by that anon. there is no reason whatsoever to assume that this is the one and only reaction we'll ever get from Deku regarding the apology and that it will never come up again. this is 100% going to be revisited. and tbh I think it's a smart move on Horikoshi's part, because if he gave us everything in this one chapter then what further development would there be to look forward to? he's gotta hold something back so that we have that one last milestone to anticipate in the rebuilding of their relationship. I've often said that for me me, Deku and Kacchan's story is the most important part of BnHA. and so it makes sense to me for Horikoshi to not completely resolve it until close to the end of the series, if not the very end.

I think this is a pretty good compromise honestly, because I wasn't even sure if we were going to get the apology itself before the finale. but this way we can head into the final battle with Kacchan having put all of his character development out there and not holding anything back, and it's nice to have that, and to have that reinforcement of just how far he's come, and how serious he is about his atonement. and so his feelings are finally all on the table now, and now it's all Deku.

and he deserves to have some time to work out how he feels about this and not be put on the spot to deliver a reaction, honestly. but to say it had "no impact whatsoever" is a huge overreaction imo. first of all, we saw the shock on his face -- he was absolutely floored. this was something he clearly never expected from Kacchan (which is why it was so important for Kacchan to actually say the words, in addition to taking action as he's already done -- because Deku needed to hear them, because he genuinely had no idea that Kacchan actually cared. and he deserves to know that, because Kacchan is one of the most important people in the world to him). not to mention that Deku kind of has a million other things on his mind right now. like we just had a whole entire arc about that lol. the apology isn't supposed to be for Kacchan's benefit; it's supposed to be for Deku's. so let him have the time to absorb it before he settles on what to say. Kacchan had all the time in the world to figure out his part of it, after all.

to me this is like a promise that there will be at least one last great, emotional, and deeply personal moment between the two of them. because when Deku finally does forgives him -- not that he hasn't already, imo, but once they finally have that conversation -- that shit is going to be so fucking cathartic, and tbh I'm glad Horikoshi didn't try to cram that into this chapter along with everything else that's currently going on. besides, I'd rather see that part of their reconciliation happen once Deku is more back to his normal self again; I feel like it would be more meaningful that way. right now he's too exhausted to be able to come up with any words. but he already has shown the best possible reaction I could have ever hoped for -- complete and utter relief and trust. Kacchan is the person he trusted enough that he could finally let go of his fears and anxieties -- if only for a moment -- and give into his exhaustion at long last, and that moment where he collapses and Kacchan runs to catch him has instantly become one of my favorites in the whole series.

so yeah, my apologies anon, but absolutely nothing is gonna spoil that for me, and I can't join you here in being even remotely disappointed with this chapter. well aside from the lack of hug lol (but I can be patient for that as well).

[pure-kirarin]

Slow & Steady [P2] [Sabo x f!reader] (+18)

Genre : Romance - Smut - Bestfriends to lovers General warnings : Alcohol consumption - Dark themes - Swearing - S m u t - possessiveness - Mention of ex-relationships - jealousy

A/N : This is really different from my usual writing style but I am experimenting. Please tell me your thoughts and don’t hesitate to ask to be added to the tag list :) AO3 : https://archiveofourown.org/works/31877203?view_full_work=true

In the last chapter --  «-Enough playing now, you're going to sleep. -B-but ! This wasn't what I asked for....You're really a coward after all...You virgin... » He carried you to his room, putting you on the bed and sitting next to you. «-I'd love to prove you wrong. However, it would be better if you were in a state where you'd be able to recall how good I am. If you want me to fuck you this badly then maybe ask me when you're sober.

Part I - Part II

Part II  -Yeah yeah...Pff..You're no fun Sabo. Things were finally getting interesting ! »

He smiled seeing that you were now calmer. You started to yawn and bury your face in his pillow. He loved to see you getting so comfortable in his room. He really needed a cold shower after your little show.  -Goodnight (Y/N). I'll sleep on the couch. You can get comfortable. -Are you crazyy ? You gonna leave me alone like this ? Let's sleep together~ -Come on (Y/N), you're a big girl. You could sleep alone for one night, would you ? Translation : I don't want to spend the whole night with a semi. And you're dangerously flirty, and I have wanted you for years and now I have to abstain.

-Pleaaaase. You said looking at him with puppy eyes. He rolled his eyes placing a hand in his hair. God.damn.it.

You won again. Like every time. * * *  You opened your eyes hardly next day, feeling something hard against your thigh. You looked at the ceiling

Oh...I am not in my room...Where the fuck am I ?

you turn around only to discover the embodiment of Adonis to your side. A light beam was lighting up Sabo's face. He looked like an angel as his beauty couldn't be that of a human.

Was he always this handsome ?

You didn't know, in fact, you have never had the occasion to wake up in his bed. Wait, in his bed ? This realization came slowly as your head was still foggy from yesterday's consumption.

You looked down, the thing that was pressing against your leg was indeed :

his thing.

You frowned, blushed, pulled away, put a hand on your lips repressing an internal scream, all of this in around three seconds. You then tried to calm down, telling yourself that it was very normal for a man to experience this kind of morning unconviniences, and that Sabo was a man, after all. Even if  you have always seen him as a bestfriend, he was still a man that is capable of physical attraction.

Now that this internal monologue was done with, you felt a bit calmer, but that didn't answer your question. You got out of bed, trying to recall what happened after going in the bar. And it came back. All of it. Without any mercy for your feelings.

You wanted the ground to swallow you whole. Your only wish was to disappear which meant : calling Nami. You headed out of the house, not even having the courage to face your bestfriend.

« Namiiiii -Uh ? What's the matter ? -I fucked up. I fucked up really bad. -Oh yeah ? Tell me about it. -Wait, why do you seem excited ? -O-oh I'm not excited. Come on tell me. What else could you have possibly done ? -I asked Sabo to fuck me. -Wait what ? You could hear Vivi ask Nami about what happened and her answering « She asked Sabo to fuck her ». -Nami ! Don't go on telling everyone about this. I'm on my way. -For starters, Vivi isn't « everyone », she's my girlfriend. And I'm here waiting for you to tell me what happened. -Wait, I'll come at your place. This can't be discussed over the phone. »

You hung up on her. Ten minutes later, you were at her place. Extremely confused. Nami was painting her nails bright red on the bed while Vivi was sitting comfortably on a chair. You let your whole body weight fall on a lounge pug, tourmented.  «-So tell me how you and Sabo ended up fucking. She emphasized the last word in a way that made you almost choke on air.  -We didn't actually. Nami and Vivi both sighed in a synchronized « Ah » of disappointment. -So hmm...I don't remember clearly. I was really drunk-- well that you're aware of and...And Sabo didn't want to leave me alone so we went to his place. Ace was at Thatch's so we were alone. We hugged and he comforted me. Then I started teasing him, and I don't know what I was thinking, but I kissed him, and then I asked him to fuck me. -Wow that escalated quickly. Said Nami as she continued painting her nails.

-Well, I was heartbroken, I needed something, someone, and he was there, and you know Sabo, he's a good guy ! I don't know what's worse, the fact that I asked him to fuck me or the fact that he said no.

-Oh god I'm so so sorry

- Nami please don't make things worse for me.

-No offense, but you're so dense. Sabo has always been into you. Do you want him, or do you not ? I know that going right into a relationship after a breakup is a bad idea. But honestly it's worth giving it a shot. He's a really good guy. Try dating someone nice for once.

-I don't know, he has something unsettling about him. Like « almost too good to be true » you know ? Added Vivi.

-Ohhh~ I see. Honestly, I always thought that he was a bit prude and hella vanilla. I mean, yes, he's my best friend. But he has never talked about girls to me or about sexual stuff. So I just assumed that. I never thought that he'd be packin' like that. You said as you popped a lollipop in your mouth.

-Ah ? Was it really that impressive ? asked Nami, genuinely curious.

-Yeah. On a scale from 0 to doflamingo he's a solid eight point seventy five. (*)

-Oh gosh. I understand why you're so worked up now.

-That's really...precise. Added Vivi, a bit horrified.

(*) [ The dear reader might need this clarification ; Doflamingo was Law's uncle, he sometimes came to pick him up after uni with his luxurious lamborghini. He wore extremely tight pants that left little to the imagination. And he was most known among your clique for having a nine incher. It was a running joke wether to know if Law got his uncle's genes. Needless to say that this joke wasn't to Law's taste. Now back to our adorable Y/N. ]

-So. I really don't know what to do. I am still heartbroken. -And horny. Added the ginger. -Yeah, that too. I'm afraid of ruining our friendship. -Listen dear, said Nami as she was closing the nail polish bottle, if you're not going for it, someone else would. And trust me, that girl Koala is upping her game. She's going to steal him right in front of your eyes, just like this - and she snapped her fingers. -Oh, and then, you can forget about being « best friends ». Said Vivi adding fuel to the fire. -Yeah, once he's gonna start dating, he won't have too much time for you-- and then, that Koala girl, my god, she seems extremely possessive ! -No way, your voice was detached, trying to act is if you weren't worried, Sabo has never dated any girl before.- -Yes but he seems to get along with that girl. And to be honest, she's kinda cute.

-Nami ! Vivi pinched her forearm playfully, pretending to be jealous.

-That hurt ! And don't be jealous, you know that you're my only one~

-Hmm...I prefer that. Vivi laughed. You started caughing reclaiming for their attention.

-Attention please ! We're discussing my dick-appointment here.

-Jesus you're really annoying, (Y/N), just go for it already.

-How much did he pay you to tell me this huh ?

-What ? He didn't pay me ! You're just always getting your heart broken. I'm just trying to be a good friend.

-Say that you are trying to get rid of her~ Jokes Vivi.

-Vivi, don't expose me like this- Nami plays along while laughing.

-I hate you girls ! You say as you throw a pillow on Nami. The ginger starts complaining that you messed her Nail polish, and the whole scene metamorphosed into a pillow fight.

* * *

You spent the whole day with the girls, chit-chatting about boys and girls and playing stupid games. You felt way more comfortable now, less ashamed. However, you were surprised because you didn't get a message from your bestfriend. You wondered wether he was mad at you, it wasn't in his habits.

You decided to message Ace [click for conversation] [ (Y/N) : Heyy amigo is Sabo ok ? Did he tell u smth abt yesterday ? Ace : Ouch, your hurting my feelings, </3 Only talking to me to ask about my brother~ Yea hes okay why tho ? (Y/N) : Ooo kay. He's home ? Ace : He is. Why don't u directly text him ? (Y/N) : Don't tell him I asked. Btw I didn't forget about those 10 bucks you « borrowed » from me. Give it back.] He didn't answer. You sighed and decided to go see Sabo to settle things down. It was the first time that you were embarrassed to see your best friend. You dressed up in a black skirt and t shirt. You didn't usually pay attention to your looks when you went to hang out at Sabo's, but you were really stressed out and what the girls have said about Koala made you scared of losing him. After all, you had some abandonment issues. You had to settle this down once and forever. You arrived at the guy's place, it was an apartment not so far from your own student flat. You knocked on the door and Ace opened : -Ohhh, (Y/N), he whistles, lookin' like a girl today huh ? -What are you implying you dumbass ? Where's Sabo ? -He's in his room with Koala.- -Wait what ? Koala ? What is she doing here ? Ace raised an eyebrow then said amused ; -I don't know, go ask him yourself. -You're useless as usual. -Always so sweet. You on your period or something ? -I didn't forget about my twenty bucks by the way. -I said I'm goin' to pay you back alright ? Now go talk to Sabo. You and Ace were always teasing each other in a brotherly way, but in reality, he really cared for you, it was just your usual way of communication. But it was true that knowing that Koala was in Sabo's room put you in a bad mood. You knocked on the door with a knot in your stomach. Did they start dating ? Was Sabo interested in her ? These ideas were torturing you. But why did you care anyways ? It was none of your business. He could date whoever he wants. You opened the door but there was only Sabo relaxing on his bed, still fully clothed. « - Sabo ?-Oh, (Y/N), what brings you here ? -Why ? Do I need a reason to see my best friend ? He sits on bed looking at you. He doesn't fail to notice your cute outfit, it was different from your usual sweatpants and hoodies, the way it complemented your figure was almost too much for him. Just that sight was driving him insane, but his face didn't betray his emotions, like always, he acted friendly, not an ounce of lust in his dark ebony eyes. You took place next to him. He smelled good, you thought. The same fresh minty smell as last time. Did he always smell this good ? -(Y/N) ?Huh ? Is everything okay ? His voice seemed concerned.He cared for you. And you had those stupid immature and posessive thoughts. Get a grip of yourself, (Y/N), you thought. -Oh yea-- wasn't Koala here ? Ace told me you were with her.

You tried so hard to act like you didn't care, but he knew you like the back of his hand. But still, he played along. -Hmm..Yes. She just left. I was going out as well. He says with a sweet smile, looking at his watch. You couldn't help but make a disappointed face. -But Sabo I wanted to - I'm really sorry (Y/N), let's talk later. He ruffles your hair and you close your eyes as he does so. You felt stressed out. What happened exactly ? You felt intimidated in his presence for the first time. You wanted him to stay and talk this out. It was a bit awkward for you now. You never thought too much. As he was going out of the room you held the fabric of his coat tight in your hand ; -Sabo- -Hum ? Need me to drop you somewhere ? -N-no. You let his sleeve go, realizing what you have just done, I'll stay a bit then go back home. Don't worry about me. -Alright then. See you later ? -Yeah. See ya. ]

You looked at Sabo go away and you followed him shortly after. Meanwhile Ace was sitting on the couch and watching some movies. You went back home and was quite tormented. It wasn't the right time to worry as you had your assignments and studies to deal with. On one hand, you didn't even have the time to think of your ex boyfriend and his cheating but on the other, you felt like you were let down by Sabo. But why ? He didn't do anything. He just found himself a new friend and a potential new girlfriend.

He didn't even talk about her, but why where you so upset by him meeting her ? After all, he had the right to date just like you always did.

A few days have passed and you didn't get the chance to talk to Sabo. Your exams were getting closer and closer and you didn't feel ready.

Usually, Sabo would help you with your assignments but you were too scared to ask. You realized how much you relied on him and how he has been always there for you.

Who were you exactly to him ?

Maybe you took him for granted.

As you were on your bed looking at the ceiling and trying to collect every drop of motivation in your system to study, you heard your phone ring. It was Sabo's ringtone ! ----- Tag list : @vemuabhi @chloe-abbacchio @mwls-garden @soanywaysistartedsimping If you wanna get tagged just ask for it :)

[liberty-barnes]

Miah’s 1K Celebration

so...

welcome to the mess that is my 1k celebration cause i’m unable to make simple choices and can’t stand the thought of letting people down

as you can see, i’m perfectly normal

the literal 1005 people following me would disagree on that but heyyy details

so anyway

one thousand

one bloody thousand people following me

my inicial reaction is whyyyy??? i’m just a bisexual disaster who sometimes writes a half decent fanfic but you deemed me worthy of your follow?

then i started crying cause yk

but bottomline is, i love you all, you’re the bestest people in the whole entire world, so i’m gonna make both a sleepover and a writing challenge

sleepover cause i like answering questions

writing challenge cause it gives me a chance to show you all other artists and discover other artists myself cause we all need them and they deserve more recognition

special shoutout to my mutuals who i’ll tag at the end for always being there for me and supporting me through every high and every low, y’all are the real heroes here

BUT ANYWAY, ONTO THE CELEBRATION PART, WHICH FINDS ITSELF UNDER THE CUT OTHERWISE IT’D BE TOO BIG TO PROPERLY REBLOG (i tend to ramble a bit, but you already knew that)

Starts: December 11th 2020

Ends: December 20th 2020

Who can participate: everyone, anon or not! no need to be following me either

send me asks for:

✨ my opinion on...

🌻 cast my mutuals as...

🎵 i'll put my playlist on shuffle and give you a song

🍉 random fact about me

🦔 what's my favorite...

🍀 i'll give you advice (or just listen to you rant, if you want)

💬 last text [insert person] sent me

💌 handwritten letter

🎬 movie rec

📖 fic or blog rec

📘 inspiration behind [insert fic name], how i came up with it or if you have questions about it

🖋 line from one of my WIPs (tell me if you want fluff or angst, i won't tell you the pairing or anything, that's no fun)

💋 kiss, date, marry [insert people]

🎤 give me a song an i'll do a mini cover of it (it will be 1min long tops cause that's all tumblr can take lmao)

📷 random picture from my camera roll (you can request a theme if you want, like pictures from my childhood or awkward pics or something)

Rules:

• Open to anyone (don't have to be following me)

• Send me a DM or ask with the prompt(s) you want (two people tops per work) and who you're writing about

• Smut is allowed but make sure to put it in the warnings

• I will accept works for any Marvel character or cast member, part of the Holland clan, 1D member or affiliated, Teen Wolf characters or cast member, Maze Runner character or cast member

• Can be reader inserts or not, but please specify it in your DM/ask too

• Tag me when you're done

• All works will be rebloged under #Miah's 1k writing challenge and put in a masterlist that will be specifically created for this writing challenge

Starts: December 11th 2020

Ends: January 11th 2020

Prompt list:

1. “Is that my shirt?” “You mean our shirt?”

2. “Home stopped being a place when you entered my life.”

3. “Stop moving and let me braid your hair.”

4. “Could you say that again?” “Were you not listening?” “No I was, I just like hearing your voice.”

5. “Can you just please hold me?”

6. “You come here often?” “Well considering I work here, yes.”

7. “Can I stay here tonight?”

8. “You’re really warm.”

9. “I’ve been in-love with you since we were kids.”

10. “Why are you wearing my sweater?” “Because it smells like you.”

11. “You are crushing me right now.”

12. “Darling I love you and all, but please get out of my kitchen.”

13. "I leave you alone for five minutes and this happens."

14. "I didn't fall. The floor looked lonely so I wanted to hug it." "Then why are you crying?" "It was an emotional reunion."

15. "There's no such thing as too many fairy lights."

16. “I’m leaving.” “Of course you are, that’s all you know how to do.”

17. “I love you.” “No you don’t”

18. “Any other lies left to tell me?”

19. “I miss the old you.”

20. “What happened to their happily ever after?” “Not all love stories get a happily ever after, sometimes it’s just once upon a time.”

21. “Lie to me. I don’t care what you say, just lie to me. Make me feel okay again.”

22. “Give me one reason why I shouldn’t leave.”

23. "It's okay. It's not your fault that I couldn't be enough."

24. "Please don't leave me."

25. "You have the emotional range of a teaspoon."

26. "Will you shut up for once in your life?"

27. "This isn't about us."

28. "I will shove a christmas tree so far up your ass that when you open your mouth we'll see the fairy lights."

29. "I'm not crying, my eyes are sweating"

30. "Is that blood?" "Yes, but it's not mine." "Is that supposed to make it better?"

31. "I’ll drink to that.” “You drink to everything.” “Cheers!”

32. “Why is arson always your first answer?”

33. "What are you doing?" "What does it look like I'm doing?"

34. "I can explain!" "Then explain." "Okay, I can't explain."

35. "Get out of here with your facts. Just because you're accurate does not mean you're interesting."

36. "How many hearts did you break while trying to keep yours intact?"

37. "I know everything. It's in the job description."

38. "One more word out of you and I'll rip your throat out with my teeth."

39. "Do you listen to girl in red?"

40. "Is that code for something or am I just paranoid?"

41. "With how things have been going, I might as well start working at a circus."

42. "I love (him/her/them)." "Then why did you give up?" "Cause (he/she/they) deserved better."

43. "I want to ask but something tells me the answer will be more disturbing than anything I can think of."

44. "Do you think he's... *flicks wrist*?"

45. "Do I look like an idiot to you?" "Do you want me to answer that honestly or politely?"

46. "Just how clumsy are you?"

47. "So... the weather?"

48. "Just leave."

49. "Don't you fucking dare!"

50. "You don't have to talk right now. But whenever you're ready, if you're ever ready, I'll be here to listen."

tagging and complimenting my amazing mutuals cause y’all deserve it

@parkersbliss​ thank you for marrying me, first of all, and for being the most amazing wife one could ask. i wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you and i will never stop ebing thankful for your existence

@peterspideyy​ thank you for listening to my rants along with grace and supporting me during all my simping, you’re the sweetest thing existing since powdered sugar

@theamazingtomholland​ thank you for always putting a smile on my face, reminding me that i’m loved everyday and just being you, cause it’s the best thing you could be

@lozzypoz321​ thank you for listening to me rant abt my fics and how much i hate writing and then motivating me to write again or do basic things like get out of bed lmao (we still have the best taste in music)

@everything-is-alrightt​ kenzie lovely, thank you for being the pure little ball of unfiltered joy that you are cause even thinking about you and the jump shit your brothers get up to makes me smile like crazy, you’re amazing and don’t you dare forget it

@spider-trash​ thank you for being my brother, going alon with my ridiculous schemes for corrupting posie and making me laugh out loud every time you come up with something even worse, you’re the coolest bro i could ask for

and finally, thank you @fallinfortom​ for inspiring me to write in the first place, being an amazing mum to us, an actual good role model for me to have and for your random appearances in my dreams and the fun english teacher who makes us read tom holland fics instead of english literature. you’re amazing and i’m incredibly thankful to know you

love you all to the ends of the universe and back again, Miah

[marveloussupernerd]

Hiya! This is my first time requesting a matchup so I'm pretty excited for this! I'm 16 and an INTJ. I can be aloof and cold at first glance but once I get comfortable, I become more confident, sassy with self-roasting comments (lol). I like reading horror novels, writing stories, drinking coffee, and confusing people with random facts at the wrong moment. I am a procrastinator so anyone can find me reading self-inserts fanfics instead of doing math homework. thank you!

Hi! Thanks for requesting! My sister and I do these matchups together and it’s like our favorite activity.

I ship you with Saeran Choi/Ray!

Saeran is not intimidated by you being cold at first. In fact he is too

So he figures that once he gets to know you better, you’ll open up more bc... he’s the same way

He’s so determined to get to know you. Doesn’t want to overwhelm you at first, but sends you a few messages everyday so that you know he’s thinking of you

Mans is the KING of self deprecating humor

Everyone else would be so concerned that you were upset when you make these jokes

“Are you okay?”

But Saeran gets you

“Lol same”

When it’s just you two alone though he makes sure you know that whatever you drag yourself over is absolutely not true

He prefers horror movies to horror novels bc a book is a lot of commitment

So if you read something with a movie adaptation you KNOW you’re gonna have a movie night

He wishes you’d be more scared by these movies though so he could hold you

If a book is really good he will definitely read it so that you have something to talk about!

Is shy when you first mention you write

Because he really wants to read it but he knows that your writing is personal and you might not want to share

Lowkey pouts when you spend time writing

“Saeran, you can read it if you really want to...”

He drops everything to read it

Comments EVERYWHERE if you write it online

Like even if you don’t post it, he puts comments on the google doc or whatever you write on

Complimenting your word usage, or just straight up being passionate about how you write the characters

He’s not really a coffee person

Tries to make some for you but somehow it literally never works out

How can he burn coffee that many times

He makes you coffee every morning and you don’t have the heart to tell him he’s doing it wrong

He’s so proud of it tho so you drink it anyways

You have developed a taste for burnt coffee

Saeran has a short attention span

So when you bring up a random fact he spirals into a rant about said fact

Forgets what he was talking about in the first place

You like bringing up these random facts to distract him if he’s upset/sad about something

Does not mind that you read fanfics at all

Some guys are weird abt their girls reading fanfic idk why

Just makes him want to be an even better boyfriend than the ones in the fics

He tries to get you to do your homework though, he really does

Takes your phone from you if you’ve been procrastinating for a few hours

Sits next to you to make sure you do your homework

But like, then you get distracted by him so does it really work? No.

But honestly he doesn’t mind the attention

You guys usually end up staying up late to make sure you get the homework done because you both got so distracted

Him learning how to do this math is so funny to me

Bc like... his schooling was certainly unconventional

So of course he doesn’t know what side-angle-side means why would he know that why is it important to be able to calculate parts of a triangle

I guess you’re more encouraged to do homework now because you’ve gotta teach him

He really treasures you and how you’re helping him adjust to a normal life :’)

[one-abuse-survivor]

Tired is when you're sick of life, or feel weighed down by the stuff around you. Sleepy is when you want to go to bed. That's how me and my friend do it, anyhow. At this point, I'm fucking exhausted to the point where I feel too tired to let it out but im gonna anyways. There's bits in here that I can't tell my friend, or anyone, so i'm hoping bc this is anonymous i can let it out. Right, intro done lol. Onto the story. Last night, i have no idea what time, maybe five or six, (all i know is this

thing ended at 7pm), my mom storms out of the room and comes back holding a bottle of water and her bag. She proceeds to tell my dad she found the bottle at the bottom of my bed, (basically im not supposed to have anything at the bottom of my bead bc asian tradition believes that youre on top of it and thats dirty or whatever). Then she pulls out my school photo, puts it on the table and tells my dad to look at it. Starts ranting about how I never listen, i look horrible, worst photo i've ever taken. 

Basically, I go to a private school, and they think I should look good, and then they spent some time lecturing me about how i was supposed to look right when i was in the school, I look like a boy, i act like a boy, my hair's a mop, I look like a hooligan. Start talking about when i dress to go to school, how my shoes aren't polished and one of them has laces that show the white inner. How my hair's messy at the back, if i saw someone in jeans and someone in a suit in the street, who would i think was respectful? They told me they shouldn't have let me into the school, they loved me too much, that's why, they should have let me go to this public school that has a reputation for being a mess, that i belong there, waste of money, they regret letting me go here, thought i was a respectable girl. 

Dad asked me again, who wouldd i think was respectful, the jeans or the suit, and I told him I don't know. We'll get to that later, but at that moment he sneered and snorted and looked at my mom. 'says she doesnt know' he jeers. I'd meant it as in 'i have no idea, please help me'. He took it as 'she doesn't know, and doesn't give a fuck'. I don't know how to look proper. they never taught me. they tell me that something looks good so i wear it. mom still buys my clothes for me. I have no fucking clue what looks proper and what doesn't. 

Anyways, somehow they moved onto uni, and my current work, and how I pull all-nighters and how dad thought i was smart but nopw he has no hope, how he sees me get up in the morning and know i'm going to fail the assessment, how i get distracted, how i take too long to shower, how i never learn, how i never help them around the house, they do everything for me and if he was in my shoes then he would work until 'smoke came out' (vietnamese saying), how he would be so grateful but i'm not and they're going to leave me (which is a normal threat for them lol) and how they're going to die (another normal threat, dad has a lifelong illness and mom has been struggling with leukaemia for years) and they're not going to pay for uni if i get a stupid degree, only if i get a good degree like they want which will actually help me (law), if i want to become an engineer (something im considering) then i can pay for it myself, then again it's not like i'm even going to get into uni, when they look at me, they have to think of the girl i was when i was five because if they think about me now they feel sad, they won't look at me because I make them sad, they had so much hope for me, now down the drain, no, down to the sewers, look at my cousins going out, one of them had piercings and infections and almost got tattoos and is a nurse in a prison with a husband who stressed her out so much she passed out at work, do i want that, that's what i will get if i dont work, basd job, assisstants have to buy pads for their bosses, horrible child, this will end one of two ways, one i listen to them and come back years later to thank them or i'll look up at the stars and wish that i'd listened to them and they regret having me and caring for me, if only they'd been better parents, they'd been too lenient, but i don't care do i because if i cared it'd show in my working to please them and i haven't done that so that means i don;t care about them.

Dad told me it was too late to change, then switches to tell me it's not too late, they ramble on about my internet use, (i have to ask them for internet) and i'm not acutlalyu doping work on it, i'm just fucking around, they kjnow, they know, i can lie all i want nbut it's true. Horrible child, they'll die, they'll die, That's the end of the conversation, we're not going to talk about it anymore. No, stop talking. I'm going to tell you this until i die. I'm going to keep saying it, beccause it's better that i say it and you not listen than i dont say it and regret not saying it. (okay, i can;t currently remember anything else of what they said lol.). By the way, you wanna know abt

[asks didn’t arrive and I asked for the last bit again]

ok lets hope to god this sends then. i think i know where i was up to - 'do you want to know about what was wrong with the photo' i think was meant to be that. anyways, yeah. guess what was wrong with it. i had a fucking splinge. like my hair was parted and a bit of the part was split. that's all i can see that's wrong with it. maybe my hair looked oily? idk but that's all i noticed. also said something after that about do u remember when dad asked me abt who did i think looked better the suit.

also can i add something i just remembered which is that one of them put folders on my shelf and mom told me she knew i put them there to hide what i was looking at on my laptop from her when i??? didnt??? put them??? there??? in the first place???? (the layout of my room allows the folders to block the view of someone from the door basically) i put new folders there after i think my dad put them there but i didnt originally put them there??? sorry it was a full ask rant and i have no idea what the freak i typed and what i didnt lol. but u get the gist i think. big fat lecture.

i am tired. my eyes were puffy and there was like this pool of snot floating on top of this pool of tears if you did get the ask sorry u had to read that twice. :(. i mean even tho u didnt see it i was able to let it all out. not sure if it made me feel better about anything but being able to do it at all is rlly nice. Thank you for that.

-----

No wonder you’re tired, nonnie... I’m really glad you could get all of this off your chest, and really sorry that you have to hear those awful things about yourself coming from your parents.

I’m a white European, so I don’t share many of your experiences and I don’t know how it is to live in a Vietnamese family, but I hope it’s okay to compare it a little bit with my experiences in my (very Christian) family--if not, you can absolutely skip the next paragraph! 

I have had a bunch of conversations with my therapist about traditions, religion, and misogyny, because since I cut my mother off, my grandfather has lectured me many times about how I am a bad daughter for looking out for myself and putting my life first instead of being devoted to my mother’s wants and needs. He told me that she’s sick and I’m horrible for not caring about that and abandoning her, and that if she doesn’t love me, I just have to work harder until I "crack her walls”. (As if I haven’t tried already, and as if she didn’t use her very mental illness as an excuse to abuse me). My therapist basically told me that sometimes, being the Disney villain in some people’s stories means you’re doing something right, because their vision of what’s right and what’s wrong (especially when it comes to daughters and women in general) is designed to hurt you, to make you put your family before yourself. That it’s never wrong to put yourself and your needs first, and that kids don’t owe their parents anything just because the parents brought them into this world--that was the parents’ choice, not the kid’s, and therefore it’s the parents’ responsibility to care for their kid, whoever that kid turns out to be; and not the kid’s responsibility to be the model child that the parents had in mind or to care for them.

Your parents belittling you for things you have little to no control over and accusing you of being responsible for their future deaths, for not knowing things that haven’t been explained to you, for not living up to their expectations without even giving you a chance to try, and for not “working for them as hard as they would in your place”, are all red flags of emotional abuse. Accusing you of things you don’t do and constantly drilling into your mind that they “know” you’re a horrible person who doesn’t want to learn or change is a red flag too, and probably an excuse to take the guilt off their shoulders for not taking the time to guide you in life and to explain anything to you before accusing you of not knowing it already. “It’s too late” puts the blame on you, but what it actually means is probably something along the lines of “It’s easier to scream at you than to put realistic expectations on you and then help you achieve them while respecting your boundaries and allowing you to make mistakes, but I don’t want to feel guilty about it, so let’s pretend you’re a lost cause, yeah?”

I used to go to a private school too, and my mother repeatedly told me that was the reason she struggled economically and that I had ruined her life. It wasn’t until I talked about it in therapy that I realised that I never had a choice in what school I went to. Same as I never had a choice in anything my mother decided for me. So how could I be to blame for the consequences of those decisions? And how can you? If they buy you certain clothes, then they have no right to criticise how you look in them. If they chose to put you in a private school, then the money spent is on them, not you. You shouldn’t have to “prove” you’re worth their decisions for you or their basic care for you--they chose to give you that unconditionally the moment they decided to have you in the first place, and if they refuse to give it or threaten to take it away, it’s becuase they’re neglectful and/or abusive, not because something intrinsic about you justifies it. You’re not a bad kid; you’re just a normal kid with very bad parents. And I’m really sorry that you have to put up with them. You deserve better 😔

I’m here if you need to vent again in the future, nonnie. Sending a virtual hug ❤

[skold]

preface: personal thing, don't answer if you don't want / so... long story short, my doctor thinks i might have fibro - not a for sure diagnosis yet, i'm currently getting blood work done to rule out osteo/rheumatoid arthritis etc, but it definitely fits my symptoms the most. and i guess i'm just... scared? idk? you're very open about it and i wanted to ask how you've come to terms with fibro/if a concrete diagnosis has been helpful. ive had these symptoms all my life and i just want help :-(

nah it’s fine!! i don’t mind talking abt it for sort of the same reason i don’t mind talking abt my trauma/ptsd. it just means anybody else going thru it knows they’re not alone in the world y’know. or even in this fandom. but anyway

yeah i also did some blood work to rule out any types of arthritis but same, i always felt fibro was the right diagnosis. or at least the closest. i only just got diagnosed 6 months ago so like it’s a fairly recent thing but i’ve had various symptoms of it my whole life and it only fully manifested into fibro after some traumatic stuff went down about this time last year.

anyway. it’s helpful to know like, this is what it is. other people deal with this same bunch of bullshit symptoms. but it’s also like a big scary thing cuz if it’s fibro, it’s not curable. you can treat your symptoms but that’s all you can do. fibro pain is largely untreatable by over the counter pain meds and it’s incredibly difficult to get a painkiller prescription. but before it was like. why do i have chronic fatigue and headaches and back pain and IBS and nausea and random nerve pain and restless leg syndrome and hyperhydrosis and all this other seemingly unrelated shit. now it’s like okay that’s just the fibro being The Worst. so like. goes either way. kinda horrifying to know i’m always gonna be in pain. kinda comforting to know what it is and i’m also glad to have the diagnosis to be able to get treatment for things.

i will say if ur somewhere where marijuana is legal or available medically, get on that. cuz by far the most helpful thing for my muscle/joint/nerve pain as well as the restless legs and headaches has been that. you can likely get lower dose topical CBD products over the counter/online nowadays but i rly do recommend it if u can get yr hands on it. i have like a balm i use that has rly high CBD content and then i also take CBD oil (sometimes with THC sometimes without) orally for headaches and weird neurological stuff. also look into acupuncture and/or acupressure because that helps me a lot especially if i can get into an appointment during a flare. a lot of insurances do cover acupuncture at least partially.

also just like. give yrself some time to figure out what normal is for you now. i know you said you’ve had these symptoms all your life but y’know, being conscious of the fact that your energy level changing or things like that can help you figure out when you can and can’t push yourself. people will be assholes cuz people are shitty and don’t get invisible illnesses (or don’t want to get them).

sry i’m going on tangents but point is!! a fibro diagnosis IS scary and big and i had a hard time with it at first, but it’s a good thing to have the diagnosis because it’s an answer and it can help you get the medications and treatment you need.

(ps. if u reddit there’s /r/fibromyalgia which is a pretty cool little support community!! i mostly lurk there but there’s so much [vine girl voice] haha i do that!! on there)

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

(1/2)Like I'm in a relationship but I'm worried I'm falling out if love with the person. Like I had a huge celebrity crush even though I had a bf and after that the spark wasn't there anymore and it makes me feel bad cuz he's done nothing to warrant that and idk why I'm like this. I've heard ppl say that it's normal to feel like u aren't that into ur partner after a while and my friend fights w her bf all the time (even if I don't know how she really feels) it makes me so sad bc if this is the

(2/2) way relationships are always gonna be like, especially for me I don't think I'll ever be happy. Like I'm adhd and used to hyperfixations but I didn't know it's like that w ppl as well. I just feel bad abt not being as into my bf anymore, both for him and me, but I'm also like "is this really as good as it will get" and I've always been that type of person and I'm never satisfied which makes it so hard to achieve happiness cuz I'll never get what I want

Okay there’s a couple of things here that I wanna touch on. I will try to kind of structure it a bit so it hopefully makes more sense because I feel like this’ll become a long reply.Celebrity crushes:I think it’s totally okay to have celebrity crushes while being in a relationship and it’s nothing to feel guilty about. I gave my more detailled opinion on that a couple of weeks ago in this post but to put it simply: just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you suddenly stop being attracted to other people - and being attracted to someone (celebrity or not) isn’t cheating.

”Relationships always end in fighting”:That is not true. I know, this society likes to paint unhappy relationships as normal because we have romanticised toxic behaviour. We (as a society) have normalised jealousy and entitlement to our partner’s every move, thought and emotion.

But the truth is: it is not normal to be fighting with your partner and if your friend was messaging me now about her relationship I would probably tell her to break up with her boyfriend. The reason why people stay in unhappy relationships is dependency (financially and emotionally) and fear of being alone because there’s this idea that romance is the only way in life to achieve true happiness but that’s bollocks!

Get rid of the “it’s normal to have arguments with your partner”-sentiment. You know what should be normal? Having a calm and equal conversation about each other’s needs and if a conflict arises - trying to find a solution together.

Falling out of love versus loss of passion:Falling out of love happens and if that’s the case with you right now then yes, you should break up because it’s only fair to the both of you in that case. But is that really what’s happening here or are you just worried your relationship will “end like they always do” without any proper reason? 

Yes, it’s unrealistic to expect that you will always be as passionate about your partner as you were in the beginning. There might even be people you find physically more attractive than your partner. But passion calming down a little isn’t the same as falling out of love. Love is the thing that stays behind after the first crush is gone. Love and passion aren’t interchangable. It’s okay if you personally want or need passion to feel fulfilled but a lack of passion isn’t the same as a lack of love.

Summary (kinda):If your feelings for your partner are gone, so be it. You can’t force them back but you can make life easier for the both of you by dealing with the consequences sooner rather than later. If the love is still there and you want to rekindle the passion then do something about that (first step would be to TALK!!!) but if the love is really gone for you then break up. 

Either way I think you should definitly work on figuring out what expectations you have and what you need in a relationship to be happy (in general and from your current partner, should you want to stay with him). And ask yourself if romantic relationships even are your thing at all (aromanticism exists!) or ask yourself if monogamy is your thing at all (polyamory exists as well!).

And if there’s any underlying reasons for you thinking that relationships always end in fighting then you should work through that (in therapy maybe?) because that definitly shouldn’t be how relationships go and if you keep going through life thinking that’s normal then you’ll end up in unhealthy and unhappy relationships thinking it’s normal when it’s anything but!

People are capable of having loving long-term relationships without fighting. It is possible to be happy with a partner. The thing is though that you shouldn’t need a relationship at all to be happy. Your life is more than just romance. If you think you’ll never be happy in a relationship because there might always be someone better out there - maybe you should start working on being happy on your own first.

Maddie