#okay now i have 2 post this before i convince myself they're too bad 2 post

[undescribed1mage]

"How many have you lost? How many Claras?"

[S9E6 'The Woman Who Lived' // S9E10 'Face The Raven']

[carpettmuncher]

fic recs

aka, i read too much fic and need to share my favorites

gorging myself on you, still can't get enough (insatiable) - sobsicles

i love this so much. casual confessions from dean. insanely horny and conflicted cas. grocery store confessions <3

rating: M

how we're stuck in entropy - shineforthee

unfinished as of now, but worth it imo. sam makes a deal for cas' life and dean has to grapple with grief and mourning. amazing commentary on grief and dean's mindset, and great destiel

rating: E

don't stop, don't slow - hedderstheowl

trans cas and cas being so surprised by how good sex is with someone he loves

rating: E

love's such an old fashioned word. - hedderstheowl

same author as above bc i cant get enough of their fics. i LOVED this concept and characterization of cas. cas gets revived but doesnt believe hes out of the empty, and treats the world around him accordingly.

rating: E

ignite your bones - ilovehowyouletmefall

such powerful storytelling and writing. loved this front to cover. dean kills sam to get the world back- the remaining of tfw 2.0 grapple with the after effects. dean deals with grief, homophobia, and cas' confession.

rating: E

this whole trilogy but namely sam winchester, ally at law - alittleduck, amidsizedfrog

sam wants to be an ally soooo bad but dean refuses to be an acceptable queer. love this characterization so much

rating: T

the cheapest room in the house - biggaybenny

dean downloads grindr for cas to meet guys and gets jealous when cas talks to guys. angst with a happy ending

rating: E

psalm 40:2 - unicornpoe

cas time travels to meet dean pre-hell. pre and early seasons dean my beloved <3

rating: E

benedictions - kalmialatifolia

priest cas and writer dean. unfinished but i think about this fic at least 3x a week. if you enjoy fleabag, youll enjoy this fic. if you enjoy priest porn, youll enjoy this fic. cannot recommend this enough

rating: E

everyone knows the year doesnt stop until april- fleeceframe

first of all, go check out this author right now i love ALL their fics, but this one stuck with me. early seasons destiel. cas has so much love he doesnt know what to do with it. case fic

rating: M

gold in the edges of our vision - sewingnatural

i fucking love this so much. absolutely amazing religious imagery and symbolism. dean and cas share peaches on a roadtrip and are in love about it. fic that convinced me to go on a roadtrip this summer

rating: T

juxtaposition - rhinestoneangels

this fic is short and amazing. interesting prose, dean in hell, religious imagery. mwah love it

rating: G

where the heart is - goldenraeofsun

claire fic of all time if i do say so myself. claire time travels to s7 and hunts with dean before making her way home. i adore this one so much

rating: M

here, bullet, here - a_good_soldier

dean and his relationship with violence. contains pre series dean and post-canon destiel. named from a poem, this one hits you right in the heart

rating: T

use cinderblocks to build a stairway - pollutedstar

dean, sex work, ptsd, and self worth. heed the tags!! heavy fic but thoroughly enjoyable

rating: M

the soul burns brighter than the sun - wow_thisiswheremylifeis

post-canon fix it. cas escapes the empty and effectively breaks it, while telling everyone but dean that hes alive. they grapple with their relationship and fixing the empty. love it!!!

rating: E

let's take a drive - sobsicles

another sobsicles fic because theyre all 10s. jack reverts to baby age, cas is protective, dean and cas have a complicated relationship. amazing fic with amazing feels. best tag ever: maybe we're all a little scared and that's okay

rating: E

the eye is a mouth. - zeke21

dean, sex work, god, a study on the relationship between all three. fucking amazing fic, really nailed chuck's presence in this. go check out this authors other works too, they're all mind blowing

rating: E

asterism of an f-series ford pick up - disabled_dean

altered my brain chemistry a little bit i think. cas and dean go on a roadtrip and dean is exceptionally horny about it. dean is not normal about love and thats okay

rating: M

maybe i like pleasure pain - tothewillofthepeople

another one that wrecked me entirely. one of the best cas centric fics out there, this fic focuses on cas' recovery post-empty. lovely dialogue and imagery, just amazing all around

rating: M

wyoming, january 1996 - luulapants

THEE dean 17th birthday case. fucking amazing storytelling, takes johns journal entry and runs with it.

rating: T

between sex and death and trying to keep the kitchen clean - ftmsteverogers

jupernatural, kid jack, post-canon fix it with empty confession misunderstanding <3 love it so much, this author is so talented :)

rating: E

[brick-a-doodle-do]

Brick beloved! So glad you are not immune to the goodtimes😘

But also, ideas for your au s!

The spy au!

Is there a possible rival agency doing the same thing? Maybe the rival agency are like anti tinies, so they disguise themselves as pest control after finding out what areas(?) the tiny spies are.

This could lead to another scenario of Tommy knowing better and saving Techno🤔

Vamp au!

Are the sbi like making money? If they have some, and bonded with Tommy, do they build him a room? Buy a dollhouse and tiny furniture? Maybe those cat walkways, so they can use them in bat form as well, i think🤔🦇

I am so immersed in the mcyt tumblrsexyman, i need scar to win😭 even funnier if he founf oit only at the end

Hope all has been going well!

yeeee !! never watched him a day in my life (changing that soon i promise. that's if he wins, of course. i made a promise to myself edjf) but i think he def deserves to win from what i've gathered on the sidelines :]

ahh yippeee au time :D

oooo i could see it, i definitely could!! like the protestors in tiny workers but worse :0 it is definitely a possibility, especially given how new the whole thing is, i can see people being unhappy with it!

spies for the spies, i am in love !!! i will say if the two of them ever cross during a tinies stakeout that would be the perfect opportunity for the alleged criminal to escape 😭😭

i can also see this for a playful rivalry! like with the deans in community but more friendly. maybe puffy vs like schlatt or smth 👀👀

OHH yes totally, tommy's instincts would FLARE up at the sight. i can see an argument between the two discussing over why they're there (to get rid of the borrowers bc the human is suspicious vs the "pest control" is here to disturb their stakeout") but they both collectively agree they need to leave DJFDS

vamp auuuu !!

okay i remember this question like very vividly. i swear i've answered this question before but i don't remember if it was with you nor which au (if any) it was for,,, something with phil pawning things to get money. i know it was in a fic i read but i remember making that up for some au asw,,,, right ?????

ah well wtv maybe it'll come to me. anyways! they don't rlly have jobs because 1. sunlight and 2. there's no reason to when they can pickpocket the people they kill to feed! so there's your answer! and occasionally phil or techno may volunteer for something that pays just in case.

also totally irrelevant (kinda) but wilbur is broke asf bc of the fact that he never/rarely kills. so he steals the stolen money for his own fdfjejsd

ohh that idea is adorable ohhh

lmao with that bat thing i can imagine them getting him that 3 ft barbie dollhouse so they can hang out with him LMAO

anyways i might follow the borrower thing from arrietty where they don't use dollhouses or anything,, BUT, tommy is a rule-bender and phil is really really convincing. they come up with a compromise and tommy ends up with new furniture for his home in the walls, plus freedom over the opening so he doesn't need to be so hidden anymore!

ahh so am i was in shambles yesterday watching scar vs techno. i mean i redid my entire blog too FJDSJ as soon as it went 50/50 i had a lot of hope but DAMN that was STRESSFUL. and now i feel all bad for not voting techno after technodad posted that thing but um. this is war.

all is pretty good! i started swapped au so that should be fun! it won my poll (i tooootally didn't rig it whaaat ??) so i'll be posting that on ao3 soon :D hopefully it'll be long enough to be ao3 material,,,,)

thank you for the lovely ask as always beloved <3

[brandybradyrandyandyndy]

Mark Forster's role in the Ace Attorney franchise

Okay, first off:

I'm not a fan of Mark Forster's music, please don't take this post the wrong way

There might be some aa trilogy spoilers

Also, I admit this title is pretty bold for what I'm going to say on this topic, but I watch The Voice of Germany with my sister every week and one of the coaches is Mark Forster who I only know like five songs of in total, but his song "Au Revoir" (which is actually a terrible song btw. It's so catchy, I've had it stuck in my head since I woke up this morning and it ruined my day.) kind of reminded me of the whole "Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth chooses death." thing, because the only thing I knew about this song was the refrain:

which would be roughly translated to:

"There is nothing that's holding me back, au revoir / Forget who I was / Forget my name / It will never be the way it was before / I'm off / Au revoir"

But as I looked further into the lyrics I found out there is a "rap part" which tells you about the places the lyrical I will go to when they're away and it contains a passage that adds a beautiful twist to my theory/headcanon (I'm not sure what to call this yet).

"I'm sitting on the Mayan throne in the jungle / [...] / The phoenix is taking off now"

You see where I'm going with this? I know, it's not Phoenix who's leaving and I know the lyrics refer to the Maya Civilization from Mesoamerica, but I thought it was a funny coincidence, that not only does the word "Phoenix" appear in the lyrics of this song, but so does "Maya".

So when I first saw this part of "Au Revoir", I started imagining how Miles Edgeworth would listen to this song and like dramatically sing along to it and start crying or something, but this only posed another question:

How could this scenario happen? How and why would he even come in contact with this song?

My first guess was, Miles probably went to Germany after he left his note, because he grew up there (I think), when he had been adopted by Manfred von Karma as a child, and he heard the song somewhere in the radio because in Germany they blast Mark Forster's music in almost every public space, so there is no escape from it ever. I tried to find out, during which timespan Miles left America, just to make sure if there was a chance that he actually could have heard it on the radio.

In the Ace Attorney wiki this timespan isn't clearly mentioned, but since the last case (Rise from the Ashes) from the first game is set in February 2017 and Edgeworth returns to America in March 2018 I'm guessing, this is exactly the time window in which he's in Germany* (minus some days/weeks of course, because I don't think he'd just leave on the exact same day he had his last trial in America). *to make this easier for me I'm just assuming he spends the entirety of his travels in Germany

But this brings me to my problem, the German Charts of 2017/2018.

As you can see, the only songs by Mark Forster that were in the charts while Miles would be in Germany are the ones above. This means that it is highly unlikely that he knew of "Au Revoir" from the radio, because why would they play this old song if they could also play Mark Forster's more recent songs that are popular right now?

But when exactly was "Au Revoir" popular enough to be in the German Charts?

During my research I looked up these years, too, and it came down to 2014 (the year "Au Revoir" was released) and even a year later in 2015. So there is no way he could have known of this song if his most recent stay in Germany was in 2017, right? (I mean, unless the German people he met then, had literally no taste and forced him to listen to it.)

But I have a pretty simple and logical explanation on how he could have still known of this song, even though he probably wouldn't have heard it in Germany in 2017.

I tried really hard, but I couldn't for my life find real data on Mark Forster's demographic, so just believe me if I tell you that his demographic is mostly preteen and teenage girls. Also, it's worth mentioning that Mark Forster's music is pretty much only known in German speaking countries like Germany, Switzerland and Austria. Now, let's take a closer look at the years, in which Au Revoir was most popular: 2014 and 2015

Who could Miles Edgeworth possibly know, who in 2014/2015 is 1. German, 2. a teenager and 3. a girl? The answer is quite obvious:

His younger sister Franziska von Karma.

Considering that she was either 14 or 15 when "Au Revoir" was released, she fits Mark Forster's demographic perfectly and although I'm not 100% sure if she was in Germany then, I still believe, she must have had at least some connection to Germany in some way, maybe a German friend who she still was in contact with or maybe she had access to German tv, maybe German YouTube channels or social media. And don't get me wrong, I love Franziska von Karma and I wouldn't wish anything bad on her, but at the same time I strongly believe that she'd be the kind of girl who'd have gone through a Mark Forster phase as a teen.

Now remember that I, myself, have a sister. I know what siblings do to annoy each other and I just know from the bottom of my heart that if Franziska really was a fan of Mark Forster's music, she would blast it on any opportunity she'd get. Or she would at least talk about him and his songs with her brother. Believe me. If Franziska really listened to Mark Forster, Miles would have known of him, too. There is literally no other way. (For reference, I know every 1D member's name, birthday and relationship status, although I literally do not care about any of them at all, only because my sister is obsessed with them and talks about them 24/7. Meanwhile the only MCR member I know, is Gerard Way, even though I listen to their music on the daily.)

So here is my conclusion.

Miles Edgeworth definitely listened to "Au Revoir" by Mark Forster on the plane from Japanifornia to Germany and he also definitely cried, after he made sure nobody could see him (especially during the part "Der Phönix macht jetz 'n Abflug"/"The phoenix is taking off now"). Also, he probably listened to the song multiple times during his stay in Germany and you literally can't prove me wrong on this. I mean you could try, but I invested way too much of my time in this to actually care about another person's opinion on my shitty headcanon.

Also, the moment Franziska met Phoenix and Maya, her memories vaulted her right back to her Mark Forster phase and her hatred against Phoenix wasn't solely based on the fact that he was accountable for the conviction of her father Manfred von Karma, her hatred was also ignited by the fact that she probably had "Au Revoir" stuck in her head because of these two for the rest of the day and I just know that this must have completely ruined it for her.

Also, unrelated to anything I've said prior:

Klavier Gavin would definitely collaborate with Mark Forster on at least one song and however severe Franziska's Mark Forster phase might have been, I am convinced Klavier would have outdone her by far. I haven't played AJAA yet, but as much as I've gathered from the fandom, he's like a weeaboo but with Germany, I think? I'm absolutely sure, he wouldn't ever miss a chance like this.

Finally, here is the song this whole post is about:

[prettyboyhq]

Karasuno boys x sick!fem!s/o

Trigger warnings: mentions of sickness!

Requested by: @animegirlfromvietnam

A/n: this is the third try because the other two drafts were merked by tumblr :(((

Daichi

Daddychi, I luh you 🥺🥺🥺

He spent a bit of time with you before the game, seeing as it was a weekend one.

However, not too much time!! He's the captain so he has to be there early.

He gave you his hoodie though, not able to resist your puppy eyes.

"Rest, okay, love? I'll see you afterwards."

"I love you, Dai!"

"Love you too, honey."

He has husband petnames, FIGHT me on this

When he and his team walked onto the court, he could have sworn he heard you cheering.

Except, you wouldn't right? You were sick.

Right?

He didn't check, it'd throw him off his game to check and worry about you.

However, afterwards, when you collided into him, he welcomed you with a hug and leaned down to whisper in your ear.

"I thought you were staying home?"

"Wanted to support you." You mumbled against his chest, and he chuckled lightly.

"I was going to bring home a CD for you, you know that, right?"

"Mn."

Sugawara

Suga, oh yES PLEASE

He probably babied you all day before the match.

"I made soup!"

"Koushi, I can feed myself."

"You're sick, baby, let me work my magic!"

He tried to make you promise to stay home and rest, but failed to notice your crossed fingers

During the game, he got put in to set, and managed to raise his teammates morale to the brim!

When he got on though, he could have sworn he heard his beautiful, stunning, and very sick s/o cheering for him.

Noooo. She wouldn't

He was proven wrong after the game however, when your form enveloped him into a warm hug.

You smiled up at him, but he was pouting ever so slightly.

"Weren't you staying home?"

You pressed a kiss onto one of his beauty marks.

"That's a dirty trick!"

Asahi

He's so stressed

Please help him

"I can stay home from the game, if you need me to??"

"I'll be fine, Ace."

"Are you sure??"

He'll hear you cheer and just swivel his head to the stands

But like mid jump so he'll just slam into the ground

"ASAHI???"

"I'm...I'm good-"

He is good! You're cheering for him! And if you are, that means you must feel a lot better, right?

He's surprised, when you give him a post game hug, that it isn't accompanied by a kiss

"G-good work! That was a bad fall, though, how's your side?"

You're still sick????

He frets and frets, and eventually you two go home where he makes you tea and thanks you for coming

Nishinoya

"Look at me! The best boyfriend ever bringing you ice cream!"

Let's you play with his hair, and maybe style it if you know how

"I'll win just for you!"

"You mean 'our team'?"

"Yeah!"

Really bummed you can't come, but you're sick! You can't help it

Mid game, he'd manage to save a particularly hard serve, but when he heard your cheer of "GO YUU!"

Hoho!

He completely forgets your sick, and gets hyped

They win, of course, and yuu you two embrace post game.

"Did you see my saves in the first set? They were all 'wah' and 'bam'!"

"I-Im so proud of you, Yuu!"

Immediate pout

"Wait! You're sick!"

"Yeah?"

You're in his arms now, sorry I dont make the rules

"Your perfect boyfriend is going to take perfect care of you!"

Tanaka

Bald simp man <333

He comes PREPARED

(Thank you, Ennoshita)

Then he ruins it by deciding kisses are the best meds.

They're not.

Even when he's leaving, he's pulling every trick

"5 more for the road?"

Scouts the audience one last time to see if you're there

And when he sees you?

"MY GIRLFRIEND IS HERE! IM ALLLL FIRED UP!!"

"Keep your shirt on, Tanaka."

Even after the game he doesn't let up

"Victory kithes??"

Like, begging, hands and knees.

And who are you to refuse?

He's sick 2 days later

Yamaguchi

He felt so bad for you!!!

You ended up having to reassure him you wouldn't die.

"Tadashi, it's a cold."

"But what if it's more??"

You cuddled for straight HOURS while watching ghibli movies and drinking tea.

Eventually though, he had to leave for the game.

"You'll do great, 'dashi! I know how hard you've been working!"

"O-okay!"

He got put in a quarter way through the game, and immediately tried a jump float,

Which

He

NAILED

What caught him off gaurd though, not only his win, but, if he focused, he could have sworn he heard a cheer he reconized.

Convinced himself it was nothing until after the game when you wrapped him in a huge hug

"Y-y/n?"

"Tadashi!! Your jump float!!!! It was so good!! I'm so proud of you, baby!!"

He sheepishly held you close, a flush reaching his ears,

"P-please be safer next time and stay home." Before pulling away a bit and looking at you.

"Was it really that good?"

Please just praise him

Hinata

He🧡🧡🧡🍊🍊🍊

He is surprisingly good at this, he's taken care of Natsu when she gets sick, so he has experience

Doesn't mean he isn't still hinata.

"Kith??"

Literally so bummed you can't come.

Kageyama hits him

However, afterwards, when you come up and hug him tight??

He doesn't care if he gets sick, kisses, hugs, and cuddles for the rest of the night.

He gets sick a week later.

(Sorry his was so short!)

Kageyama

Bluebabby<3

He really wants to help but is very confused

"Eat your soup, Boke!"

His Google search history is filled with

'How do I help my girlfriend not be sick'

'Girlfriend sick what do'

'Help girlfriend has a cold'

You have just been vibin the whole time while telling him

"Tobio, I had cough medicine earlier."

"Tobio, I don't need more soup."

"You can't kiss me, you have a game in a half hour."

He's pouting about that.

Just give him some butterfly kisses, that should help.

During the game, he doesn't hear you cheer, his complete focus is on his teammates and the ball.

However afterwards, he's a bit bummed you couldn't come, especially because they won

"Yamayama, are you SULKING???"

"BOKE! I am not!"

He is.

At least, until you suddenly hug him tightly from behind.

"Good work, Tobio! I'm so proud of you!"

He's happy now, even if he might get sick if he kisses you

Tsukishima

Tsu-KISS-ME-shima

He had texted you before the game, but didn't come see you because 'he didn't want to get sick'

Totally not because it broke his heart to see you at anything less than your best, and knew he would miss the game if he came to see you

Reminded you to rest, well, not exactly reminded, more like told.

"Get some sleep, idiot, yamaguchi misses you."

"You don't???🥺🥺🥺"

"Look who's drawing conclusions? Go to sleep."

However, during the game, after a particularly good spike, he heard a familiar scream, that sounded just a bit abused from sickness.

He tried not to look at the stands

However, afterwards, when your form barreled up to him, enveloping him in a hug, he just "tch"ed and hugged you back.

"Aww!!"

"Shut it, Tadashi."

"Gomen, Tsukki!"

You were both exhausted, you from the exertion of cheering, and him from the game, so you bussed home together.

"Good work!" You croaked at him, a stupid smile adorning your face.

"Shut up.. and thank you for coming."

[palimpsessed]

So @captain-aralias​ did one of these and invited other writers to do the same. And I wasn't really going to because it feels a bit late now and also I've done quite a few other year in review posts for 2020. But then I got to thinking that it would be really nice to have one of these for each year to look back on and compare, which convinced me. So, here we go!

If you’re a writer, I’d also encourage you to steal this. Tag me on your post so I can see your thoughts! 🥰

List of Complete Fics for 2020 1. At the Top of a Tower, With You- General, 900 words 2. Use Your Words- Teen, 16k 3. A Man of Letters, or Five Times Baz Retreats and the One Time He Doesn’t- Teen, 54k 4. To the Manor Borne- Teen, 43k

Total: 4 fics, 113k words

Every one of these fics was written for an event, which, realistically, is the only reason they got finished. I have so many ideas I'm working on all at once, and I came into fandom with a focus on making art, so to actually find the motivation to sit down and write/finish/post a fic was entirely deadline based. And it's a technique I'm sure I will also employ in 2021.

Best/Worst Title?

Well, I've mentioned a few times before that I usually have a title before I have much in the way of a fic concept. I don't really dislike any of the my titles, because they all did exactly what I needed them to do, which was help me focus on what I wanted to accomplish in the fic. Comparatively speaking, though, I can answer this.

Best: Use Your Words - succinct, idiomatic, a book quote/motif that also has the potential to be a spell, does what it says on the tin, is probably what all of us are constantly yelling at Baz and Simon to do throughout the books and the fic itself

(Honorable mention to A Man of Letters because that title forms a perfect heart shape when viewed on mobile on AO3. ❤️)

Worst: At the Top of a Tower, With You - this is also a quote and it fits the fic perfectly, but it is a bit of a mouthful and it has a comma in the middle of it, which, while I love commas, feels a bit off-putting in terms of a title - also, it's always kind of bothered me that it's a Baz WS quote used for a CO-era Lucy POV

Best/worst summary?

Again, I don't really dislike any of my summaries.

Best:

To the Manor Borne: The gang decides to spend Christmas together at Pitch Manor. Romance, hijinks, and holiday cheer ensue.

Anything that lets me use the word hijinks is always good! - it's short and sweet - it does a fair job of setting up the premise for the fic and giving highlights, without giving anything away

Worst: A Man of Letters

I'm not going to include this one because it's so long, I had to cut down the version I posted on tumblr to fit in the AO3 field, which is really why I rank it below my others - it effectively sets up the world of Simon and Baz in Regency England prior to where the story starts, but it is prohibitively long - and it's set up, not summary, so it also loses points for not doing what it purports to do - I could have said exactly what this fic was in one sentence: "Simon and Baz meet at several Regency-appropriate venues over the course of a London season and reflect on their acquaintance in letters", but instead I did the full book jacket version because it was more interesting to me.

Best/Worst First Line?

Oh, this is interesting. I can honestly say that I have no idea where this will go. Going to pull up my docs and find out! Okay, since I only have four fics to consider, and I'm feeling split, I'm going to do two for each. I feel good about my words, but I will say that half of my first lines actually provide information, and the other half are incomplete thoughts. Those were stylistic decisions I made, but when taken alone, it does somewhat limit the effectivness of a sentence when it can't stand without the rest of the paragraph. Perhaps that decision will lure readers in for more?

Best:

In the end, we wind up at Pitch Manor. (To the Manor Borne)

I know that you won't be surprised when I tell you that I do not like writing letters. (A Man of Letters)

Kind of interesting that these both contain key words from the titles 🤔

Worst:

I'm not sure how I'm supposed to do this. (Use Your Words)

I love how the title seems to be answering Baz's question when the two are put together like this 😂

Strange that it should end here, where it all started. (At the Top of a Tower, With You)

The title also seems to complete the first line in this one, too. I'm learning about my writing as this goes on, so that's cool!

Best/Worst Last Line?

Hmm. Okay, again, no idea. Also, a little leery of including last lines for anyone who hasn't read the fics they're from yet. (Tho I guess it's unlikely those people would be reading this😆) But let's see what we've got.

Use Your Words and A Man of Letters have very similar final lines, and both are somewhat spoilery.

Best: The ending of A Man of Letters felt risky to me, in the way that it is formatted and changes tone from the rest of the story. It was something that happened as I wrote it and I loved it. I had no idea if readers would like it, if they would feel like it worked as an ending, but I felt strongly enough about it to let the entire fic hinge on that and I think it really paid off. So, without giving you the actual last line, which is only one word, I'm going to say that one is my best ending.

Worst:

To the Manor Borne: "Carry on, Simon."

It's not bad, it's just not mine.

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, fewer than you thought, or about what you predicted?

I did not set out to write any fics in 2020. I was supposed to be taking a break from writing. I've been an aspiring novelist for half my life now, and have been going through major ups and downs with my writing. I decided I needed to re-evaluate and figure out if writing was something that was even going to be able to make me happy anymore. The answer is: YES! Just…not original fiction. At the moment. I'm happiest when I can write for the sake of writing and not have to DO something with that writing. Which is why discovering fan fiction was AMAZING!!!! 🥰🥰🥰

To actually answer the question, yes, I wrote more than I thought I would. I also wrote exactly as much as I thought I would, simply because these were all things I signed up for (with the exception of my Countdown fic, but I committed to it as if it were something that required a sign up).

I have a lot more ideas for 2021, but I don't know how many of them will come to fruition. I'm not putting pressure on myself to have to do anything beyond what I sign up for again, because it did work out so well for me starting off.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?

I mean, the pairing and the fandom were in no way a surprise. 😆 They're my only ones, so those were both a given. The genre is also not surprising.

What's your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest?

A Man of Letters, without any hesitation. I adore it so much. It's the kind of fic I know I will unabashedly sit down to read over and over, even if I'm the one who wrote it. I had one reader to please and it was ME. By far, my most self-indulgent fic.

Okay, NOW your most popular story?

That depends on the metric.

To the Manor Borne leads in Comments (107), Kudos (153), and Hits (1992), and Use Your Words leads in Bookmarks (26).

But since To the Manor Borne is top in 3 out of 4 metrics, I'll say that one.

Story most upderappreciated by the universe?

I mean, the least popular by a wide margin is At the Top of a Tower, With You, but I don't know if I'd call it underappreciated. It's short, it's angsty, it's got a very unusual style, it's Lucy POV, it's the first fic I wrote and posted. I didn't really go into it with high performance expectations. I'm proud of it, I just didn't expect it to be popular. It would be nice if more people read it, but I'm not broken up over it.

Story that could have been better?

I'm not even going to touch this one. Everything can always be improved upon, but if I go down that route, nothing will ever be done. This is one of the things I have come to appreciate about traditional art versus digital. With traditional, there is only so much you can do before something is permanent and you have to live with it. It's an exercise in letting go and acceptance. Digital is flashier and more flexible, but I could (and have) spend months on a single piece and never feel satisfied, never stop tweaking. I think that's also the reason I started to hate my novels.

Sexiest story?

Based purely on overall vibes, I find the understated tension of the Regency the most appealing, so I'm going to say A Man of Letters. I didn't actually stray into sex territory in any of my fics (though Simon and Baz have had sex by the time To the Manor Borne starts, and refer to it, and probably do it "offscreen"), but A Man of Letters is the one that feels sexiest to me. Lots of thirsting!Baz and feral!Simon and sensual hand touching (how risqué!) - and YEARNING. That, to me, is the sexiest vibe of all. So. Much. Yearning.

Saddest story?

At the Top of a Tower, With You - for this one, I tagged "angst without plot" and I stand by that. It's Lucy losing her connection to Simon at the end of CO and trying to find a way to reconcile herself to leaving him alone again. I gave it as much of a hopeful bent as I could, with the refrain of Baz's spoken "love" to cling to, but it's very sad.

Most fun?

To the Manor Borne - All of my fics have their fair share of angst, but this one also has some good, silly, holiday fluff thrown in. Since I wrote it for the Countdown, each chapter was based on a different prompt, which led to this one going in all sorts of directions no single fic probably ever should. Plus, it has the most Shepard, and Shepard always makes things more fun.

Story with the single sweetest moment?

Oh my god. I don't know. No, never mind. I do. It's To the Manor Borne, but it's split between the two gift giving scenes, the Constellations and Secret Santa/Gift Giving prompts. These were private moments between Simon and Baz, sharing themselves with each other, being vulnerable, and communicating. It's the gifts they give each other, yes, but it's more so the reasons they chose those gifts, and how they show part of themselves and share their love for each other, through those gifts, that had me in tears writing those two scenes. I'm super proud of them.

Hardest story to write?

Use Your Words - it was written for an exchange and that made it really hard to write it knowing there was this pressure of making my gift-ee happy with the fic. I'm proud of it, and they really liked it, but the anxiety was too much for me.

Easiest/most fun story to write?

A Man of Letters - if there is a fic better suited to me as a writer, I haven't met it. I started writing after reading Pride and Prejudice in high school, so I started out writing Regency and I spent years and years and years of my life obsessed. When I transferred into college, an administrator I had never met before heard my name during orientation and said, "Oh, you're the Austen scholar." (It is a small, private college, and I was a transfer, so the pool of students was even smaller. But still. Many years later, I'm clearly not over it.) I also did my senior thesis on an epistolary novel (Frances Burney’s Evelina), and my English Lit emphasis was for that time period. So, I felt like I had been preparing for this fic my entire adult life. 😂

Did any stories shift your perceptions of the characters?

I don't think so. I tend to let my writing be dictated by the characters, so I'm always following their lead. Sometimes they'll do or say something that surprises me and takes me down a route I didn't necessarily foresee, but I don't think there was ever a point where one of them did something that made me rethink who they are as a character.

Most overdue story?

I will say A Man of Letters, since that one felt like a culmination of my seventeen-year-old self's wildest writing dreams. But I should probably say the Scooby Doo AU I still haven't managed to finish, because that one has been a WIP since I joined the fandom. Oops. (I'm hoping when I look over this in a year, I can feel smug that it's finally done.)

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

Writing at all was a risk for me! And writing fan fic for the very first time! Writing an entire fic told only through letters. And then ending it in a completely different style from the rest of the fic. Doing a multi-chaptered fic for the Countdown, using a different prompt for each chapter, and publishing a chapter every single day for thirty days (with the exception of two days that had art). Signing up for fandom events in the first place!

What I learned from taking risks in my writing is the same thing I learned when I took risks in my art this year. I have a much better appreciation for what I've done when I push myself, I feel better about the end product, and I like it longer. I think it's really good for me to challenge myself creatively.

This year's theme and the story that demonstrates it most?

Oh boy. Um. Therapy! Both Use Your Words and To the Manor Borne had their big HEA moments built around sending Simon and Baz to therapy. I don't think that's likely to change for future fics, either. I feel like therapy as the theme for 2020 seems very fitting. (Also, I think I keep sending the boys to therapy because I'm trying to get myself there…)

What are your fic writing goals for next year?

Just to write what I want to write, have fun, not put any pressure on myself, and to take risks in my writing and my art because it will help me to grow.

[manggaetteokkie]

I kind of feel disappointed in Jikookers lately. Like part of the reason I would proudly say I was a Jikooker because when I first started shipping Jimin and Jungkook, most were based in reality. The delusional shippers were a very small embarrassing group and things weren't overblown. Now I feel like almost everyone is blowing things out of proportion. It was my understanding that Jikook were a possibility but now people talk as if they're definitely a couple and the tiniest things are....

Turned into shipping moments when there really is nothing. Take for instance the video just came out of Jungkook watching his younger self talking about Jimin being his favorite hyung basically and how Jimin bought him food. Older Jungkook was surprised Jimin bought him food. He didn't even remember. He also said it's not like that now (no favorites), that they're all a family. People are awwwing that! How is that cute in terms of Jikook? Jikookers are becoming Taekookers and I hate it here lol

(okay hopefully I connected the right asks together because there was another one that was sent right before you sent part 2)

I think the important thing is keeping in mind why you shipped it in the first place. As the fandom keeps growing, not even just to jikook but for the group as whole, there’s no way to control who joins and what they think so you’re bound to see some posts that make you question your sanity. I usually just ignore and move on, and otherwise try to filter who I follow/block to avoid weird things lol

Two things I’ve personally always disagreed with is 1) this whole concept of feeling “threatened” by the relationship either of them have with other members and 2) reading way too much into certain things.

For point 1), I disapprove of any kind of member-bashing or degrading simply to elevate your own ship. Just because I ship jikook doesn’t mean that the life and friends they have outside of this ship is bad. This kind of mentality has to go because it’s so unhealthy. Please learn to accept their bonds with other people for what they are. For example, you are 100% allowed to appreciate taekook or vmin because they are all important people to each other and it’s not your place as an outsider to be the judge of that, especially not over some ship. This kinda ties with point 2 because I feel like some people overanalyze to prove something to others when it’s really kinda not necessary...

For point 2), sometimes there really isn’t an explanation to things apart from “just because”. I take small moments as they are, just a proof of their relationship being the way it is, and seeing them makes me happy. This point is a lot more subjective because I know I’ve personally analyzed moments between jikook that others may or may not agree with. Also, I know a lot of people like to analyze and pick apart every interaction to a varying degree, with a whole following of people who like to see it happening (thinking about how tkk_lives and their elasticgirl-level reaching has such fervent supporters). Sometimes, when I’m spending time with my friends, I have a little intrusive thought about “how would this action I just did get misinterpreted if I was an idol and shipped with my friend”. It’s kind of a way to keep myself in check and avoid getting in way over my head.

As I said at first, you gotta know why you ship in the first place. Personally, I really really like their dynamics and I find their bond really special, from how Jimin has a soft spot the size of Jupiter for Jungkook (pretty much let’s him manhandle him however way he wants and will always concede to his demands) to how Jungkook always watches out for Jimin (both physically and mentally). Even without the shipping factor, purely based on cold hard facts, I still love them just as much. Don’t turn the members into mere instruments for shipping~~

If people wanna pull a tkk_lives and reach that far, it’s not my place to convince them they’re wrong cause it’s not like they’ll change their opinion either. Meanwhile, I prefer just keeping myself happy with whatever they’re willing to share :)

[cuziloveyou7]

15 questions

I was tagged by the always wonderful: @randombtsprincessa ofcourse!

Tagging: @everyone who wants to do it, @taevolucion, @an-annyeoing-writer, @kittylefayy, @oheyura, @http-je0n, @swthhhie

1. It’s your birthday! What did you ask for and did you receive it?

Okay so I'm the most basic person because I never know what to ask for. I usually ask for money or gift cards so I can buy my skincare or make up (which I don't use tbh but I just love make up so much!!!). Love to get flowers! Got them once from mom! My mom does have a whole list of ce moi... so far she promised to get me but still haven't received....

2. What was the last song or album you listened to?

Okay so imma do both! Last song was Badass women by Meghan Trainor (I needed happy and confidence) and last album was Eric Nam's The other side!

3. What is your go-to snack when you’re hungry or bored?

Ehmmm... so I rarely eat unless I'm actually hungry (blame the eating disorder, I'm good now tho but old habits die hard) so skyflex maybe? Because the only time I do do this is when it's period time and it's just a mess with what I want to eat!

4. What is your morning routine?

On a work day I wake up at 5 am, take a shower, wash my face, dress half way, skincare, eat, brush my teeth, dress fully, go to work. On days off I set my alarm at a comfortable time, slowly wake up, either shower after getting out or just lazy around the living before taking a shower, eat and play games, make some moodboards, day dream or go out if I have anything planned. I'm having a gap year so yeah imma take it slow! Can't do much with Rona anyways!

5. What mythical/cryptic creature would you be?

I was highly convinced I was the embodiment of a unicorn but I don't think I deserve that title. I wish I could be a Valkyrie because they badass. But I also kinda wanna be a mermaid/siren or fairy/fae/pixie! Idk man lemme be all!

6. How do you interact with someone that you don’t like?

Kinda nonchalant... idk I be nice and be normal but I don't put much effort in that person.

7. How do you define a toxic person?

Yooo! Das hard tho! Because I've met different types of toxic ppl. The ones I usually interact with are usually takers and I've always been a giver! I'm working on getting the right proportion of both because either one is very unhealthy on it's own. It's like ying and yang, you gotta find balance peeps! Ohh and toxic ppl usually make it so you think you're always in the wrong and at fault..

8. Have you ever been to a concert or fan meet type of event? If not, would you want to?   

This is a sad story... I've only been to 1 concerts in my whole 20 years of life... would've been 2 in july but no BTS for me thanks to Rona.... I would love to go to more concerts in the future when it's possible again! But for now stay safe loves!

9. Do you believe in astrology? Why or why not?

Eehhh.. yes and no? Like there are certain aspects I do. Also I'm more into the spiritual side of it? If that's what you can call it tho? Like the random posts you see on sm I don't take to heart. Also those magazine astrology is junk. Idk man it's hard because I also think you define you! You are your own person and that's the tea! Bc if I was to completely believe it I would be a pessimistic, workaholic who is most likely obsessed with money and success...

10. If you had only one sense (hearing, touch, sight, etc.) what would you want?

Sight! I have so much respect for people who can't see or have really bad vision. I can't imagine not being able to see all the wonderful things life offers❤

11. Who is your favorite celebrity or idol?

BTS! Tbh I used to have a lot of ppl on this list but everyone so problematic, so far BTS aren't problematic and just overal sweethearts and baby! It's some of our toxic amry fam I wanna bash sometimes..

12. If you could talk to your favorite celebrity(ies) for a limited time, what would you tell them?

Like, thank you! For real! These guys are like a remedy for whenever I'm down or when my severe mental health issues start acting up again.

Also you guys are awesome, be healthy, be happy, be safe, never ever doubt yourself cause you're all doing a great job. Nobody knows what they're actually doing, life is weird but from what I can see you're doing a great job at it. One day I want to be able to help and impact others lives as much as you guys 💜

13. I’m taking you out on a date and it’s your choice. Where are we going?

YOOO!!! I have been thinking about this a lot as of recent years! Since romance seems to be non existent until now (someone was flirting with me for the first time and it was awful but a fun experience hahaha) I never thought about it. I knew dinner is off the table, because I just don't enjoy eating out. At first I was like going to the film is great, I don't have to talk and it won't be awkward. But that's just awful because how we get to know more things about eachother? So what I would really enjoy is going to an amusement park/carnival or fair (whatever it's called) or like fun game things like lasergaming/paintball/karting/arcade/ those wood climbing things? Idk what it's called. It's so much fun, it's active and you're getting to know each other! It doesn't feel formal and stuck up. After sometime I would also enjoy going to art galleries or museums, picknicks are cute too! But I feel like those are more intimate so I want the fun and crazy stuff first hahaha.

14. Do you like sweet or savory foods?

Savory kinda gall but I do love myself some sweets. So depends on the food.

15. Do you have any band merchandise or merchandise from any of your favorite artists? If so, what?

YES MA'AM!!!! so most is bts! Got key chains, BT21 YALL!!! album! Rubber bracelet, posters, pins and a gorgeous bag designed by my gurliepren! Also got an exo chain from a friend and that's it so far! I want more, A LOT MORE!!! because I stan enough peeps!

[iforcedabot-blog]

I Forced a Bot To Watch Every TNG and DS9 Episode and Write One of Its Own

You may have seen “I forced a bot to watch” posts where someone claims to have “forced a bot” to read or watch hours of video and written it’s own script. Those weren’t real but in recent history it has become possible to do it for real in a pretty convincing way with OpenAI’s GPT-2 system. This is an unbroken, unedited sample of GPT-2 ‘fine-tuned’ on all the TNG and DS9 scripts. Note that television scripts have have distinct formatting and style and all of that is copied perfectly by the bot. It even *almost* gets understands page numbers (in the first example – 28, 28, 28A).

28   EXT. PLAZA/SURFACE - DAY (OPTICAL)    Data and Worf as before.                    DATA                (puzzled)            You left him there? He left him            there?                    WORF            Yes. He had been there for            hours... then decided that I            was going to kill him.    Data frowns, he can't figure out how to phrase what    he did...                    DATA            I do not understand.                    WORF            You knew?                    DATA            I was afraid.    They exchange a look... Data thinking quickly, is    back to the source...                    DATA                (continuing)            I could have programmed some            medical bank monitors to monitor you            for a pulse response when you            could enter Klingon memory.                    WORF            We would have --        STAR TREK: "The House... " - REV. 08/10/94 - ACT FOUR       45. 28   CONTINUED:                    DATA            But I was afraid that it would            disrupt my memory.                    PICARD            I'll tell you what I have to do.    They look at him and then Picard EXITS. Data sits in    command.                                           CUT TO: 28A  INT. WORF'S QUARTERS    The room is DARK and distant. Worf is struggling to    regain his senses as Picard ENTERS.                    WORF            Captain... everything I saw is            gone... everything.    Worf regards him for a moment... then he starts to fight    it off... he stops in surprise... he doesn't know how    all this is going to impact his relationship with    him... he's uncertain what to do... he glances at the    wall panel and frowns, surprised at the way he sees    Worf... he glances around the room and tries to    find a way to fight it off-kilter... it's pretty    night... Worf hits the wall panel and it OFF.                    WORF            I was... heading somewhere.                    PICARD            Worf... what's the matter?    Worf decides to break for a moment... he EXITS.

That was one the first scenes I generated that impressed me, though it cheats a bit with by being mysterious enough that it’s hard to rate how coherent it is. But you could almost see as one of the more moody and experimental character-focused episodes in Season 7 TNG. Earlier networks could copy the formatting of a TV script but they totally fell apart when you tried to actually understand the content. Even which characters were present in a scene did not stay consistent from line to line. GPT-2 handles this amazingly keeping track of not just characters but subject of conversation in a scene.

Here are some more samples chosen mostly for the humor:

                  DAX            I think we're lucky this was            just a bad batch of            equipment.                    KIRA            I'm glad you think that.                    DAX            I'm glad we're lucky.                    KIRA            Okay.  I'm going to let you use            the Bajoran storage bin to backup            your data on this trip.    And with that, Kira heads off down the Corridor.  We    HOLD on a thoughtful Dax. 19   INT. OPS    Kira and Dax EXIT the turbolift, followed by Sisko, who    goes to the Transporter Room in frustration.             DEEP SPACE: "The Wire" - 03/01/94 - ACT ONE            12. 19   CONTINUED:                    KIRA            It's not working.                    DAX            I'm having trouble retuning the            transceiver.  The adaptors            won't work.                    KIRA            Maybe they should replace us by            rentals.                    DAX            With what?                    KIRA            With your arms.                    DAX            With your hands.                    KIRA            Your arms.                    DAX            You're lifting your arms.                    KIRA            My arms.                    DAX                (the hurtiest)            Your arms.  They're my hands.    Kira takes a beat, looks down at her arms for a moment.                    KIRA            They're your hands.                (a beat)            You know what I see when I get            this...                    DAX                (laughing and crying)            Kira, you never told anyone about            your arms.             DEEP SPACE: "The Wire" - 03/01/94 - ACT ONE            13. 19   CONTINUED: (2)                    KIRA            When you get to the wormhole, you            should see them grow into shape-            shifters.  And you'd be right...            because their arms are like that...            closer than you can get.  They            grip off your arm.  Bad dreams.                    DAX            I thought you weren't going to talk            about me.                    KIRA            I told myself I was not.  But when            the time comes... I want to figure            out what we're doing and what we            are.  I always figure it out.    Dax looks at her own hands.  Kira's too fast for her    good measure.                    KIRA            I'm holding all the cards.  I'm            playing them all.  I'm a prisoner            in here.  I can't be happier.                    DAX            You seem like you've got a lot.                    KIRA            You have me all.    Kira takes one last look at her hands.  Kira can't help    her enthusiasm.  Her hand.  Kira takes another step toward the    desk.                    KIRA            You're not going to hurt me.                    DAX            You're not.  And that's a            good thing.

This is from a later batch where I stripped out some of the very repetitive content in the scripts before training — mostly headers and footers that repeat the exact same information every page. Another sample that was weirdly hands and arms themed:

42   INT. ENGINEERING    Geordi and Data at their respective consoles.                    GEORDI            We're ready when you are, Data.                    DATA            I will prepare enough data for your            desire, Commander.                    GEORDI            Good. Data, what was the vessel            in which the shuttle was            launched?                    DATA            The vessel was slightly more            complex than the starship I            estimate, sir. It chose a            specific set of coordinates to            target the specific            nodes on the Enterprise-D.                    GEORDI            And it didn't work. That's            your fault, Data.                    DATA            I fault is very fault, sir.            I should have realized that.                    GEORDI            If you had, the Enterprise-C            could have taken out a few more            nodes...                    DATA            I do not believe we could have             survived the attempt on the            shuttle, sir.       STAR TREK: "The Loss" - REV. 10/10/90 - ACT FOUR       51. 42   CONTINUED:                    GEORDI            I know Data, it would have been            difficult for you to break into            hands and legs and grab a few            nodes... I've never run into a            shuttle in my life that didn't            get that lucky.    Geordi looks down at his hands and arms, frowning.                    GEORDI            What are you so angry about?                    DATA            My heart... and possibly my entire            psychology.                    GEORDI            That's not good.                    DATA            I am angry that Starfleet has            let you down, Commander.                    GEORDI            I know... but I was relieved            that no one tried to destroy            my shuttle.

INT. DATA'S QUARTERS    Data, still in his Starfleet uniform, is sitting at a desk    working at the computer. The door CHIMES.                    DATA            Enter.    The door OPENS and Geordi ENTERS.                    GEORDI            Data, what are you doing here?                    DATA                (stands)            This is my quarters.    He looks at the desk for a beat, then EXITS.                    DATA                (continuing)            You are here to examine my            computer.                    GEORDI            Computer, is there anything I can            do about your...            computer?                    DATA            Computer, are you aware of what I            have just said?                    GEORDI                (nods)            In case you're wondering... I've            told you something before...                    DATA            I have never spoken to my computer            before.                    GEORDI            That can't possibly be the case...    Data shakes his head.                    DATA            I have been trying, but I            have been unable.                    GEORDI            Why?                    DATA            I have been trying for over            three, four nights.                    GEORDI            It must be a pretty long night.                    DATA            As long as it is not.                    GEORDI            And what does it feel like?                    DATA            I have been experiencing a            sustained, transient, and            unsteady increase in the            emotional neurotransmitter-like            activity in my cerebral cortex.            The same as if I were completely            offered a cup of tea, or a            coffee, or an air horn.                    GEORDI            That sounds like someone who            has been through a lot.    Data nods.

I experimented with mixing other TV show scripts, the complete set of Frasier in this case. GPT-2 learns very quickly never to mix characters and language from the shows — too well, I wish it would mix them! But I swear the samples trained with some Frasier feel more like a sitcom:

ANGLE ON MAIN VIEWER (OPTICAL)

ANGLE ON MAIN VIEWER (OPTICAL)    Riker's face...                    RIKER            Captain, I am detecting a Class-M            planet with high radiation            unaffected by the sun.                    PICARD            Which planet did you detect?                    RIKER            Class-M.                (beat)            I'm sure it looked like a Class-            M planet...                (beat)            What is it?                    PICARD            A small planet with low surface            radiation.                    RIKER                (laughs)            Not class-M.

Here’s another one that feels more like a sitcom, in particular, the repeated dialog lines are something I see a lot in the post-Frasier samples.

======== SAMPLE 15 ========                    KIRA                (to Dax, explaining)            Dax, we were just talking about you.              I realize you're upset about            me, but I've always looked            good in a tuxedo.                    DAX            I don't look good in a tuxedo.              I've always looked good in a            clutch, Benjamin.  And I'm glad to            say, I haven't seen you since I left            the homeworld.                    KIRA                (smiles)            I know you're upset, but I've            always looked good in a chiffo            uniform.                    DAX            And I'm glad to see you've never worn            it anymore.                    KIRA            I've never looked good in a chiffo            uniform.                    DAX            Well, I've seen you look good in            it all... when you're wearing            anyone else's tux.                    KIRA                (smiles)            I never look good in a chiffo            uniform.                    DAX                (smiles)            I'm glad you said you were going to            be happy at the Bajoran wedding.                    KIRA                (smiles)            I'm glad you said that.    Dax smiles and they walk off.                    DAX                (re: the wedding)            I suppose I'll have to mention it            to someone.                    KIRA            I'm not planning to.                    DAX            Who's next?                    KIRA            My husband.                (a beat)            I guess he'll be staying with us            this year.                    DAX            He'll probably be staying with us            this year.                    KIRA            I know.  I just got here last            night.                    DAX            I mean it's just a question of...            who?                    KIRA                (beat)            I'm still not sure.  I've got a            surprise planned for the next few            weeks.  Besides, it sounds like            somebody's going to need a place to            keep me warm.                    DAX            I'm sure they will.                    KIRA            I'm sure they will.                    DAX            Now what about you... are you sure            you don't want to stay with me for            a while?                    KIRA                (re: the wedding)            I have a job to do... I'm a            pretty gal...                    DAX                (reacts)            I hear you're married...                    KIRA            That's right.                    DAX            And what about Jake?                    KIRA            He's leaving Starfleet.                    DAX            A few weeks ago he was sent back            to the Institute.                    KIRA                (reacts)            He's gone?                    DAX            He's been living on the station            all his life...                    KIRA                (beat)   ======== SAMPLE 16 ========

This sample is as long as you can get right now the limit on the output is about 1000 words in the tiny version of GPT-2 that OpenAI let’s us play with. It would still be possible to create an entire script by taking the output from one sample and using it a ‘prompt’ to generate the next sample, over and over until you have a complete script. Since the scripts do clear structure like page and act numbers it should eventually get to ACT 5 or stick an ending on there. Maybe a project for the future.

[shinra-makonoid]

"The key phrase you seem to have missed is "lack of supporting evidence;" this is different than being "unprovable.""

Okay, prove me that all raven are black. You can probably prove me easily that not all of them are black (you just need to find one that isn't black), but you can't prove me that they're all black (you can't check all ravens out there). This is why "trans people all have dysphoria" is unprovable. You can't check for every trans people existing in order to know that. It is a simple yet very crucial element to consider, even without the fact that you also need to consider that "trans" is a label that has many different definition based on the person. So yes, as I was saying, you are ignoring most of the context and logic applying in there, you misunderstand what science can and cannot demonstrate and you use it when it justify your beliefs without considering the full picture.

Hell, one of the most common criticisms of the DSM is that basically NOTHING in it is backed by concrete proof. Seriously, you should really read that post linked in FAQ point 12, it's mostly a discussion of a couple of the criticisms of the DSM-IV-TR and DSM-5 and how they relate to the differences between the old GID diagnostic criteria and the new GD criteria.

Because, as explained before (I feel like I'm going to repeat myself a lot there), those are labels. How did they make the DSM? They thought "oh those symptoms are most often than not together and linked together, we should give them a name in order to discuss among counselors so we can understand each other. They're not rigid boxes, hell you can even say they're social constructs and you'd be right. And I'm not even talking about GD there, but GD absolutely fits that too.

Meanwhile, more prescriptive definitions on their site (like the one in the first link in the answer to FAQ point 2) state that being trans is about gender identity & is distinct from gender expression.

So... Basically being as vague and nonsensical as possible, right? Exactly what I was saying just above. And again, they can't do anything else, because that would leave people who need treatment (related or not to GD) untreated. Which is good to help people... Which also cannot be used in a rational scientific argument when talking about what is really transsexuality or what makes a person trans. You're free to use it however you please though, as you do already, it just won't convince anyone who isn't already convinced, so it's pointless.

I think I've dropped enough hints by now, so if your next response indicates that you still haven't read my FAQ, don't expect me to waste any of my time replying to it.

I did, the points I raised up still stand because this doesn't address it at all, again because you don't understand what the points actually are. You have those made up arguments in your head that you respond to, while the actual arguments people make are not listened to. Which is what I've been talking about for two posts now.

Edit: Oh yeah, I talk about brain sex in point 13 of the FAQ. I knew I missed something!

Dafuck did brain sex has anything to do with this discourse exactly? I said trans people have differences in the brain, didn't talk about brain sex. Depressed people have also differences in the brain compared to non-depressed people. That's not brain sex.

Again, as I was saying, you answer to arguments I never make, just like your FAQ does, which actually doesn't help anyone but confirm your own beliefs about your own stuff. Won't convince anyone who isn't already convinced by it, and won't actually change anything, deaf conversation, yada yada maybe you missed the point again but what can we do about that.

"You've spent a lot of time responding to things I never said here."

I spent a lot of time explaining to you why the arguments you make make no sense to anyone who isn't already convinced. Too bad you're so close-minded you can't seem to understand or consider half of it.

Hmmmm 🤔

(read the FAQ for source links)

Afficher davantage

[5hfanfiction]

Too Close To Home - Chapter 16

Camila Cabello Had A One-Night-Stand With A Girl

A very surprising photo of singer Camila Cabello surfaced the internet today. This morning, a girl named Alycia Debnam posted a rather explicit photo (picture below) of the not-so-innocent Cuban-Mexican singer.

The girls were seen with a random girl whom we recognized as Alycia going out of a club late last night. There were also snaps of them in the club in Dinah's snapchat.

The photo was trending through every social medias and luckily, we managed to contact the woman who took the picture just a few hours ago.

“Yesterday, I was out at this club that just opened. That was the time I saw Camila [Cabello]. She was drunk and dancing in the middle of the dance floor. At first, I didn't remember how I knew her but something pulled me to her." She said.

"She looked at me invitingly and we danced through the night. She eventually brought me to her friends (current members of Fifth Harmony and Lauren's fiancé). That was when I realized who she was. But I didn't really fangirled then. We all played games and drank. It was fine and everything but at one point, Lauren [Jauregui] and Camila got quite moody.”

“It wasn't because of anything. I don't think they're not in bad terms. Actually, they seem quite close. Lauren seem to look at her [Camila] a lot." She said when we asked if the girls hated each other.

"For the short time I've been with Camila, she never once mentioned Lauren or anything that says that she was or is romantically involved with her. But what the hell do I know?”

So there you have it, Camilizers and Harmonizers.

We all know that the girls have been close this past year. With Camila birthday celebration and the outing they had last month. But how do you guys feel about the cute reunion? How about Camren, do you think they happened at one point? And more importantly, how's your reaction about Camila's picture? Was it surprising? Do you think she's gay, bi or just having fun? Comment your opinions below.

I scowl as I finish reading the article. Drama just keeps on coming to me. I don’t get it. What’s so interesting about a girl having fun? Everyone has sex once in a while.

The management would be so pissed. For years since I was in Fifth Harmony, they seem to push me towards the straight, pure and innocent girl but the photo just killed two birds with one stone.

The management knows about my sexuality. I actually told them right after I left Fifth Harmony, hoping that I was free enough to open up to the public. Unfortunately, they thought that I would get a wider audience if I stay in the closet for a few more years. I didn’t know anything then so I thought that they know better so I just complied.

But after more than a year staying in that claustrophobic closet, I felt the need to come out. So even if I’m quite sad that I got outed like that, deep inside, Im sort of happy that it’s out there. People know now.

But again, that wasn’t ideal. Who wants their naked picture on the internet for everyone to see? I’m just glad that she had the decency to at least not take a picture of my private parts.

How would my management react? They’re gonna be so mad. Would they fire me? Is that possible?

I start panicking at that thought. I’ve come so far, only to be demolished by a meaningless one-night stand. Oh My God. Are people going to label me as a slut now? Haters are pretty simple minded and I’m sure they would think that. I’m sure they would think that I do that often, only to be caught now. But I’ve never done that before.

Alycia is honestly the second person I’ve ever had sex with. The first being Lauren. I was just so frustrated and so dry from 2 years that I thought that it was a good idea. Basically, I was driven by desire and lust. Is that why people say that you can’t make decisions according to desire? Is this my backlash for not listening to Lauren? Is this my karma? Is karma even a thing?

I start panicking more now. My eyes are blurry from the tears that seems to pour out when I was thinking. My breathing is hectic and shaky. I grab my phone and luckily, I know where the contact app are and clicked at the first option I could find.

Of course, the universe being a usual bitch, Lauren came through the line.

“Hello?” She asks. She is seriously the last person I wanna call. I’m kind of embarrassed because I didn’t listen to her. I thought that she was only thinking about her own feelings, that’s another factor that pushed me to sleep with Alycia. But now that what she warned me is actually happening, I can’t help but feel ashamed.

“Camz?” She repeats since I haven’t answered her, “Are you okay? You’re breathing really loudly.”

“I-I’m fi-ne,” I croak out, even if it wasn’t as convincing as I hoped it would be.

“What happened?” She asks.

Again, I didn’t reply. I was too busy thinking about how to end the call before it becomes obvious that I’m panicking.

“Camz?? What’s happening? You’re scaring me.”

I take a deep breathe, trying to compose myself but failing miserably since she asks, “Are you having a panic attack? I’m coming to your room.”

“Do-ont, I’m oka-y.”

“Too late.”

A knock comes a few moments later, indicating that she’s here already so I can’t really do anything but open it.

After a minute attempting to open the door with my shaky hand, I succeeded and Lauren immediately barge into the room.

“Camz.. are you okay?”

I just look at her with my blurry eyes and she knows what’s happening. She wraps her arms around my, releasing endorphins into my body, immediately making me calmer. She then led me to the couch, still wrapping her arms around me while we sit.

After what took about 15 minutes, my breathing finally becomes normal, she releases her hold and lean back.

She takes her phone out and punch a few numbers. She brings her phone to her ear while still holding me with her other arm.

“Hey Dinah… Yeah I know… I can’t come today… I’ll go tomorrow… I’m sorry… It’s just that this is more important… I’ll record it tomorrow… Can you tell the producers I’m sorry… Yeah, thanks.”

And with that, she puts her phone back to her back pocket and continues putting her energy on trying to calm me.

“I’m sorry,” I mutter.

“What? Why?”

“I’m sorry I called you. I’m sure you would’ve preferred doing anything else than this. I’m also sorry that I didn’t listen to you when you warned me about her. If I listened, this wouldn’t have happened.”

“What happened?”

“You haven’t checked your social media?” I ask.

“No?”

“Well, long story short, the girl I hooked up with took a picture of me whilst I was asleep and posted them so now, everyone knows I hooked with a girl.”

“Damn… Was that why you had a panic attack? The fact that you got outed?”

“I mean, honestly, I don’t mind that part.. It wasn’t how I pictured it but it was long overdue. I just don’t know how the management will react. I have a feeling that they’re gonna call me for a meeting or something soon.”

“Well, you know what?” She asks rhetorically, reaching out to take my phone from the coffee table, shutting it off before putting it back, “today’s your last day before you have to go back on the road, they can’t take that away from you. So what do you wanna do today?”

“I was planning on having a lazy day before performing tomorrow.”

“Then we’ll do just that,” she responds, leaning against the couch, turning on the TV in front of us with the remote.

“Wait.. You’re staying?”

“Yeah? Why not?”

“I-” I start, “nevermind.”

She lets it go and just watches the TV. We fell into a comfortable silence. I don’t know what happened but at one point, our shoulders touch, causing warmth to spread through my body. The simplest touch could do this to me, imagine if we were kissing.

We spent about an hour staring at the TV, barely talking. But I wasn’t even watching the show, I was busy side-eyeing Lauren’s profile subtly.

“You know, staring is deemed rude in some culture..” she says at one point, still watching whatever’s in front of her.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. I was just joking. Actually, please stare some more, it’s actually boosting my self-esteem,” she jokingly says as she turns her head to me.

“Jerk..” I say, causing her to laugh loudly.

Her laugh dies down after a minute. We just sat there, looking at each other. The mood shifts suddenly when she asks, “did you remember what happened yesterday?”

“Barely.. I drank a tad bit much.”

“Uhh, well.. Do you remember when we played Truth or Dare?”

I crack my head open, trying to recall everything that happened. Luckily, I begin to remember chronologically instead of those typical flashes of scattered memory that just makes people’s head spin some more. I smile as I remember Normani and Dinah kissing like there was no tomorrow.

But then.. Lauren. My heart constricts as I recall what Lucy said. The memory seemed vivid enough and I can’t help but feel hurt again. I know it happened a long time ago, but it still didn’t help. It felt like Lauren is now deliberately scratching my almost dried bruise, making the bruise raw again.

“I’m sorry,” she releases. She probably knows what I’m thinking about from my facial expression, “I wanted to tell you. But-”

“When?”

“What?” She cocks her head, narrowing her eyes as a sign of confusion.

“You said you planned on telling me. When did you plan it?” I raise one of my leg up to the couch so I could fully turn towards her.

She looks dumbfounded, she didn’t anticipate that I was going to ask that. I knew she just wanted to say what I want to hear. If it wasn’t for Lucy, I probably wouldn’t have known.

She said we were best friends, even before we happened. But why was Lucy never a subject? Were we even friends in the first place? If so, why didn’t I know jackshit about this?

“I thought so,” I sigh, defeated. “You weren’t really sorry for not telling me, you were sorry that you got caught. It’s different.”

She looks down at her knotted fingers, a few tears seem to flow down her cheeks to her jaw, collecting tears at her chin.

“But it’s okay,” I began, making her snap her head in my direction, “it doesn’t really matter now anymore.” Her hopeful expression faded at my last statement.

It’s true though. As much as I’m mad about it, what good would it do to dwell on it further? Yes, I feel betrayed and deceived, but at the end of the day, Lucy is still her endgame. So why the hell would it matter if they had history before?

“Yeah..” she sighs.

“On a more pleasant note, Im glad you found your The One,” I smile, a sad one but a smile nevertheless, “Remember when we were 15 and 16? We dreamed about being famous. We talked about boys and how you want to marry the person who you know before we were well-known. You also wanted the person to be so similar to you, having the same thoughts and knowledge. I’m glad that Lucy reaches all your expectations, eventhough she’s a girl.”

She laughs softly now, tears still streaming down her face, “Indirectly, I think I was talking about you. We-”

“Stop,” I interrupt, “just stop.” I was hurt already, I don’t think I need another trip down memory lane. I’m emotionally tired. I’m already in pain. I feel so drained already and it’s still a little after 2pm. My brain is pounding, my heart is aching painfully, I’m looking at the girl that got away. What good would it do to talk about the days where everything was fine - great even - and simple?

“Sorry..” she mutters.

And at that, we continue watching the movie. But the stupid elephant was back and just stared at us. The tension was thick and I felt the need to lighten the situation.

“You wanna try writing on a song together?” Just yesterday, we made a deal to write a song together so why not do it now?

“You wanna do it now?” she asks.

“Now is as good as any.” I walk to my room, only to come back with a pen and my journal. The journal has a few deep entries but most of them were just ramblings and scattered song lyrics I don’t really use. The journal is leathery and white, with my name imprinted in front of the book.

I place the journal down at the coffee table and slide down to sit on the carpeted floor. She followed suit, causing our knees to brush each other. I move my knees up so it doesn’t touch, to somewhat create a barrier between her and me. She frowned when she realized what I’m doing but said nothing.

“So what song do you want it to be about?” I ask as I open to a fresh page, free from any type of ink.

“Love,” she says without a beat,.

“What about love?”

“A dead relationship,” she says with such simplicity. I squint my eyes, confused as to why she wants to write that since there’s nothing wrong with their relationship. Just as I want to ask she beats me to it by interpolating, “it’s not based on Lucy, it’s based on any relationship in general. An internal battle between whether they should break up or not.”

“Right,” I say, still unconvinced but decidedly lets it go.

We spend at about 30 minutes discussing about the base of the song.

Lauren’s phone rang from her back pocket. She takes it out, Lucy’s name temporarily imprinted on the phone.

“Hey baby… Oh, I’m at Camila’s.. Oh, okay.. Yeah, I don’t mind, take your time. We’re just chilling here so it’s okay.. Yeah, alright… You too,” she says through the phone. I can’t really hear the other side of that conversation so I don’t really know what’s happening. She ends the call after that, putting her phone on top of the coffee table.

“Lucy?” I say in the least noisiest way possible.

“Yeah, she said a friend is in LA and they’re going out.” This was another thing I see in Lauren. The amount of trust she has on Lucy is huge.

Back when we were together, it was hard. Lauren was a very possessive person and she was jealous at the littlest thing I do. We fought about it a lot; whether it’s about a guy I clearly have no interest in like Shawn or a girl I only see as a friend like Ariana or Taylor. No matter what I do to try to reassure her, she was too hard-headed to trust me.

Hell, even now… Just two days ago, she was jealous of Ariana. It kind of hurts, knowing that Lauren has never trusted me the way she trusts Lucy.

We spent the next few hours conveying our thoughts and feelings to the song. It was easy writing with her, probably because we have some kind of bond that I don’t seem to have with the other songwriters I’ve worked with. Lauren understands me to a personal level and vice versa.

At the end of the day, we seem to be pretty proud of our creation - or our baby if you must.

The only obstacle now is how to convince the label to include Lauren for the song. I want her on it because she deserves it just as much, if not more.

[the-princess-with-pancakes]

Emma Roberts Movie Week

It’s actually a bit unexpected. I didn’t plan this, I just watched Scream IV and her character made me love her even more, then I did after Chanel. So I thought, why not, no matter that I planned Brendan Fraser Movie Week.

 Day 1: Scream IV (2011)

It’s not the movie I want to talk about (because I plan to make a post about the whole franchise, after watching the TV Series), but about he character. I mean, how awesome is watching Emma Roberts as psycho killer. Especially a very convincing psycho killer, trying to kill Sidney. After watching Scream Queens and knowing how well she plays bitchy characters, so it was very entertaining. The third act of course. Watching her as a side character was just okay. That’s really all I can say. So yeah, there you go folks. Also the villain monologue was fun. Just read for yourself:

Favorite Jill quote:

Jill Roberts: My friends? What world are you living in? I don't need friends. I need fans. Don't you get it? This has never been about killing you? It's about becoming you. I mean, for fuck's sake, my own mother had to die, no great loss there, so I could stay true to the original. That's sick, right? Well, sick is the new sane. You had your 15 minutes, now I want mine! I mean, what am I supposed to do? Go to college? Grad school? Work? Look around. We all live in public now, we're all on the Internet. How do you think people become famous any more? You don't have to achieve anything. You just gotta have fucked up shit happen to you. So you have to die, Sid. Those are the rules. New movie, new franchise. There's only room for one lead, and let's face it, your ingenue days, they're over. A bit long, yeah, but how great. Isn’t that weird, that her monologue is longer then my text about her character?

Day 2: Wild Child (2008)

A very linear teen drama, but in England. Why would I pick that? The real question is: Why not? I mean, yes, it’s stupid, and yes, I’m an adult, but I’m still a kid inside, and I know it’s a bad movie, but it was still entertaining sometimes. Again, watching Emma playing a bitch is fun, for 20 minutes, but it was still fun. If we got through the best part, let’s get to business. Her character growth was okay, her friends were okay, their relation was okay. The school bitch was awfully stereotypical, no matter that her first appearance said otherwise. I hoped at least that from that movie, but it didn’t even give me that, so...

The fun part tho was just turning my brain off for an hour and half, and just watch Emma hanging out with some teenagers with British accent. It’s still one of my favorite female celebrities. Also her name was Poppy! It could belike the flower, but hearing “Poppy” made me think about That Poppy. Which is always a little plus. Wow, that paragraph about the things I liked is too short. Hey, Nick Frost! 

The montage was awful... it broke me from the movie every 30 seconds, which was hard to watch. Also the scene quick before the end was so cringe. At least for me. They were losing, then made a dance, and magically they won! (The dance was cringe, if someone were wondering)

Well that’s all, it was between average and okay.

Favorite quote:

Poppy: I didn't start it, it wasn't my fault, and if this were America, I would sue.

That’s true, OMC. America is beautiful, I love it, I want to visit it someday.

 Day 3: The Art of Getting By (2011) 

There is a thin line between being a good movie, and being pretentious. This movie sadly is on the wrong side of the line. 

Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoyed watching this movie, it got to me, I love the main character, George, I can see myself in him, somehow. I always wanted to be that weird guy on the side, or I just want it, because these guys (like in this movie) alwayse ended up happy at the end, and I want the same thing for myself. But that’s a theme for different post. I liked seeing the world through his eyes. The scene showing how he wanted to get over Sally was great. Or when she broke him with the weird sex questions, during their “date”. Freddie’s acting was very convincing, and I didn’t saw the actor, I saw a boy with problems. The relations between him and the other characters and the way he reacten to every rational thing, he should do, but just couldn’t. I can also say a good thing about the side characters. I really liked them. The way they were created, even if some of theme didn’t have a lot of screen time, I had still fun spendind time with them. Like when Sallys’s mother told her, that she should be with George or when the painter struggled to be with Sally. I could also say about how I liked the montage and directing, but who cares? Also I liked the “development” of Freddie’s character, like in the first and second part who was becomind worse and worse...

Sadly the thing I was most anticipating in this movie was Emma Roberts and... well, Sally totally blows. I disliked her after 5 or so minutes. I’m not really sure if she’s such a bad actress, or it was just like her character was written, but Sally was so wooden. She was pretty, yes, but that’s just one of two things, that I think George could see in her (the second is, that she really cared about him and liked him, for example the scene, when they were sleeping next to each other, or when she called him every 5 minutes, whe he left her). I also really, really disliked her, when she broke my precious George! I mean, who does she think she is? (that’s not a blame on the movie, just another reason to not like her character, which isn’t a bad thing) Sally was the second most important character, but she dind’t develop at all. It was painfull to watch her in some scenes, beacause I knew that she would hurt George, because he wanted to go forwrd in some way, but she was staying the same all the time. Another thing I didn’t like was most of the third act. How George suddenly (I know it was because of his mother, he didn’t to upset her any more) change his attitude to life and so quickly straightened everything. It just wasn’t convincing for me. Also it was very predictable. Him, getting the diploma, her, going back to him, the painting, being Sally. Sad. Sadly. They could work on that a little more.

Favorite qoute:

Sally Howe: What were you like as a child?

George Zinavoy: I was such a better person than I am now.

Sally Howe: Come on.

George Zinavoy: I'm serious. I was happy. I was open. I was curious. But I'll tell you this: I knew when it was ending. I was overwhelmed with sadness when I realized that I was going to change, and that it was all most likely going to get worse, like a nostalgia for the present. I couldn't shake it... 

And it’s sad to say, that I dind’t like her creation. It really is. I hope it’s not her acting and I can see her again in a small movie, but with more. More to play and that she actually does it well. For now I like her justas the bitchy/psycho type.

 Day 4: Nancy Drew (2007)

Hey I’m actually keeping up! Only three das/movies left.

So I just looked up (on Wikipedia, I’m not a detective) that, as I thought, the movie is based on a book series for teenagers, with the same name. 

I start with the things I liked. And don’t let it fool you, there were’nt as many. The start was quite fine and fun to watch. The city and the charachters living in it. Just the world created around Nancy in her home town was adorable, just to be fine for a few minutes. I also liked Nancy at some point. I guess Emma can play charismatic characters, not just bitches. Which is good, but it wasn’t very good acting, since it also wasn’t a role that needed a good actress, just because the writting was so doll. Ahh, I wanted to say, what I liked first. So I also liked the side characters from her home town, like her father and Ned, or some of the LA characters: just Jane and Leshing. And the styling. I think the setting around our main characters was cute. Her dressing style, the style of that “hounted” house or her home town (I didn’t remember it, I’m really not familiar with the book series). Hey, Bruce Willis!

That’s sadly all, not many good things, that I could talk about. The writting tho. Ugh! It was so, so bad. Mished with that acting was just terrible to watch. Just because I liked some charachters, does not mean, I think they well written well, or that they were acted well. They weren’t. None of them. Maybe Nancy and her father a little, but that’s all. The story... Just meh. After half an hour I wasn’t feeling any mistery. And talk about tension, there was none of it. Even the scene when they were just about to kill Nancy, I was felling nothing. Oh wait, I was annoyed. Because the side characters from her new school had appeared on my screen! I hated them. Especially Corcky. uhh... I just felt like a story written by a teenager, and I think not a teenager has written it (no, it were two adult people). I mean, do they know, they can make a movie for children (and this, BTW, felt like a movie for 3-6 years old), that’s also entertaining for adults? Look at Teen Titans GO: To the Movies! (2018). That’s a good example.

Favorite quote:

Carson Drew: Phone call. Long distance from Scotland. Something about the Loch Ness Monster and some missing diamonds. Nancy Drew: Another case!

Well, despite how I disliked ths movie, I would definietly watch a sequel with Nessi. But it didn’t gross much, which I’m not suprised with.

 Day 5:

Got distracted, by discovering “The Pitch” from ScreenRant. Totally got me. Binge watched like 20 episodes.

 Actual Day 5: Paradise Hills (2019)

What a weirdly boring movie. Maybe I didn’t pay to much attention as I should, but it didn’t get me at all.

I wanted to watch something new, to see how her acting “grow” with her, but... Again, she didn’t get much to play. Which is very dissapointing. 

To start with the good things. The movie is extreamly beautiful. It looks so magical. The movie has just a 6 million budget, but it was still enough to hire Emma Roberts, Milla Jovovich, Awkwafina and to build a gorgeous set. The CGI was very visible, but only in two scenes (like the car on the beginning for example). And... That’s all? The acting of most main cast fine, I guess. 

OMC, where to start even? Idea for the story: very, very unoriginal. It’s actually felt much like The Island (2005) and a little like Sucker Punch (2011) (although I don’t remember it very well), maybe a mix of bouth. It’s not bad, it’s just made not so well. The script: dull, slow and predictible. I don’t like saying this, because I mostly shut of my brain, try to have fun and don’t predict anything, but it was hard. The ending tho. Seriously, to predictable. And no, I didn’t predict, that Jovovich is playing a fucking rose witch/vampire. That actually suprised me. The characters: they we’re okay, but mostly still to stereotypical, like for eample Milla’s witch, Emma’s main and the sidecharacter singer. Again just complaining on the same things I complained the last three movies.

Favorite quote:

Duchess: *screams, while changing into a bush*

I still have one critycally acclaimed drama (to see her acting on a good script) and a good movie to end the marathon happy :3

Day 6: Palo Alto (2013)

I can’t say. I liked this movie. Not a lot, but it was still enjoyable for me.

I thought Emma will play the main character, which she has and hasn’t in a way. She was one of the main characters with Teddy i think. Yeah, okay, I’m almost sure. I know I was supposed to watch a critically aclaimed movie, and this isn’t one, but, eh, it has 69% on RottenTomatoes, so not so bad. Also! It’s stars James Franco. I liked the acting. I’m still dissapointed, that Emma stil does not have much to play. I’m not sure if she’s just okay at acting, or she takes parts of empty blonds. I still love her, it’s just... it’s getting harder and harder to watch her as not charismatic characters. Anyway, I liked the acting, even much. I’m not sure if the actor playing Teddy (Val Kilmer’s son! and Val KIlmer played April’s father xD) was playing him self, but I’m happy with what I got. The same goes for Fred, the coach and April’s father. Finally after these few dissapointing movies, I got something, that dind’t speak to me much, but at least I liked the characters and had fun watching them get better, or worse, or not changing, or having a quick cameo. 

The story was... okay. But connected to this characters, I don’t really have much to complain. The tempo was a bit slow with April’s story, and a bit to fast with Teddy’s. Like The Art of Getting By (2011), this movie crossed a bit the thin line, of being too pretencional. But this doesn’t botter me that much.

Favorite quote:

April: I'm not depressed, why do you always think I'm depressed? I'm just tired.

Day 7: It’s kind of a funny story (2010)

I absolutely loved this movie! It took me from teh beginning with that scene on the bridge. Totally my kind of humor. The main character was easy to equate with, at least for me, like, being a bit assholish on the beginnig, and then turning in a fully good and  empathetic person. The perfect character arc for a feel good movie, like this one. It hit me by suprise, how good it was. The movie has average ratings and is rotten on RottenTomatoes. I know why, but the things, that for others were a flaw, for me was a good quality. I dind’t read the reviews, but I saw flaws in the movie, and in the story. I know, I know, it’s a basic story, a bit (maybe a lot) predictable even. But I turned my brain off for one and a half hour and had a lot of fun. The charachters where, no, seamed 3-dimensional. Everyone, at some point even. I totally believed, these are not actors, these are people. Especially the main trio, obviosly. I dind’t know  Zach Galifianakis can play something more then a stupid fat guy, by playing a not so stupid fat guy with problems. And Emma, still not what I’m expecting from her, but a lot better, then the other movies I guess (with exceptions of course). Even Craigs parents felt so real, and his friend and his love interest in the beginning. The main advantage of the movie is, that, as I pointed out earlier, it makes you feel better. It made me thing, that there is something more for me, that I don’t have to be this sad, fat guy, working and sitting by the computer all the time. Also the acting, OMC. It was great. How thought, to bring Viola Davis to this project? Great idea, even for these few minutes. But, yeah, I also pointed that out already. And, I liked, how the movie was directed. The scene, where they sang together, fabulous.

So what’s the flaws? It was predictable, if you just try to think a little. I dind’t realise that, till after the movie. Also, some characters, from being fine written, turned to flat characters, to drive the plot. Yes, I mean Nia, that was so unnecessary. It was just so Noelle would get mad at Craig. And will winning Noelle back be hard? It’s gonna be (quoting the screenwriter from Pitch Meeting) “super easy! Barely an inconvenience.” Which is dissapointing. 

Favorite quote:

Craig: Do you like music?

Noelle: Do you like breathing?

Bonus: A few words about Channel and whole Scream Qeens (2015-2016)

This series also took me by suprise, a bit. I loved Ariana Grande at that time, but since she quitted acting, and got mostly into music, I started to watch this show. And, as dissapointing as it was at that time, Chanel #2 was killed in the first episode. But since this was a slasher, and I do love those, I stayed. Who am I kidding. It dind’t stay because of the killing, but because of the story, characters and humor mostly. Jamie Lee Curtis is a wonderful actress and watching her going “against” bitchy Emma Roberts, was like watching a unicorn... I don’t a good compare, but you get it. It was extreamly entertaining. The world building, so caricature, it was so fun. Chanel killing a random lady? Yes please. These show was filled with mains driving the series with just themselfs and the sideones adding to it a lot. Even if they get killed eventually. Obviously the first season was way better, then the second. But the second was even more bizzare, which recompensed a bit the flaws of it. Do I like the decisions, who got the be the killers in both seasons? Yes, of course! For example, the chemistry between Dr. Cassidy and Chanel #3 was great in the second half of the second season. Just awesome.

Oh, yeah, a few more about Chanel. Wonderful, stole every scene she was in. Not a character, you could lift a show on, but the definietly good to be one of the mains.

Favorite quote:

Chanel: Good morning, sluts.

Chanel #2, #3 and #5: Good morning, Chanel

Like I could pick any other, than this.

--

So what do I think about Emma in the end?

She’s not a great, but a good actress, she could lift the whole movie, if she get’s a good character to play, like in Wild Child (2008), which was not much, but she was still a teenager then, and made it. 

Do I see her in drama roles?

Yes, actually. I love her, when she plays bitchy, charismatic, or even psycho characters, because she’s great at it, but I still want to see her other side. A hard part to play, in which she can shock everyone in how good of an actress she is. She didn’t have the chance yet.

I hope she gets more lucky and popular at some time. She’s still under 30 (28 years old), so she has most of her live before her, and already an impressive filmography. I wish her all the best.

[vacuously-true]

Yeah, we sure can! It's an important conversation! 

After typing out my thoughts on this, the post is really long, so I learned how to make the keep reading cut so I’m not taking up seven football fields of space on everyone’s dash. So, if you want to hear my thoughts on this conversation, please, continue reading! 

First off, I want to say that my thesis advisor is amazing and really good at making sure he doesn't overwork me. So when he jokes about my health, he's joking about it from the same place I do. He's like, one of the three or four people I'm closest to in the world. So I know when he says, Lee your sleep schedule is a mess, what that joke really means is, oh kid, please take care of yourself and let me know what I can do to help. At the same time, that's a personal understanding that that's what that joke must mean, so saying it in class was a little weird. That's why I had to sass him back real hard and let him know after class, it was kinda funny but maybe don't call me out quite like that again in public. And he knew I was right and he was sorry and hasn't done it again. And I'm still proud of my comeback so we can still joke about it.

But if one of the professors who is responsible for overworking me teased me about my sleep schedule? Mmmmmm I'd be having different words with them, and I'm not afraid to have those words.

And lack of sleep does hurt students. It doesn't just hurt their work, it hurts their health. And maybe someone says okay but when it hurts their health it hurts their work. But! Stop! In fact, my productivity is not more important than my health! The things I make and do will never be more important than my full, thinking, living human person! When educators and other folks have conversations that should be about health by focusing on the effects on productivity, they are still missing the big idea.

And you're right, these effects disproportionally affect people with disabilities! I have asthma, a heterogeneous endocrine disorder, and 7.5±2 psychiatric diagnoses. My meds have changed every few months for three years now as my doctors try to find something -anything- that will work for me, so every few months I'm adjusting to a new med or dose change. I really can't handle extra stresses on my health like bad sleep. I've been hospitalized twice in the past year, for about a week each time.

The first time was when the stress of school and lack of sleep triggered psychosis. I had terrifying hallucinations for a week before the professors I am close to were finally able to convince me to go to the hospital. I kept saying, no, no, I'll be fine, finals are in two weeks I don't have time to go to the hospital. I've had hallucinations somewhat regularly ever since, although not nearly as bad, so they're tolerable, and just seem to be a part of my life now. The second time was more recent and it's a little too soon for me to be able to talk about it this publicly but it was also something that was exacerbated by high stress, heavy workloads, and lack of sleep. These hospitalizations and other health factors exacerbated by the effects of my university workload have meant that instead of graduating in 3 years like I was supposed to be able to do, I need another term, so I'll graduate in November. I had to drop one of my minors. I mean, 3 ⅓ years is still two terms early so like, whatever, but it does throw off grad school plans and more importantly, again, when I graduate, what degrees I have, none of that is as important as the fact that my health is suffering.

So my joke, that I don't have a messed up sleep schedule because I don't have any sleep schedule, isn't a joke about something I'm proud of. When my sleep schedule is out of whack, that doesn't mean I'm a brilliant and dedicated mathematician. It means I'm hurting myself. And I'm trying to fix it. I track my sleep with an app, try to get the right amounts and to do it at night instead of falling back on three hour evening naps. The worse my sleep schedule gets the worse my sleep paralysis gets, which is triggering for and triggered by anxiety. The term this comment was made was especially hard for me because most of my courses were independent study, so it was really hard to structure my schedule.

It's my health and I get to joke about it, that's one way of reclaiming my power over it. But just because I can joke about it doesn't mean it's a joke. No one's health is a joke. Everyone's health deserves more care and attention than academia typically allows.

Push back. When things are unreasonable, call them out. Talk to your professors, or someone else at your school who can do something about professors who abuse your time. Talk openly about the effects academic culture has had on your health! Talk openly about how this intersects with your disabilities and other parts of your identity! No one will know if you don't say it, and no one will change anything if they don't know. Go to therapy. It's good for you.

And if you're tired? Drink a cup of water, take your meds, and go to bed. Your health is important.

My thesis advisor called me out in front of the whole quantum computing class for having a “messed up sleep schedule” so I had to have a good comeback. This is what I said, and it ended up in the school paper. And my advisor cut it out and taped it to his office door. So I drew my signature crappy cartoon lemur on it. And I think that’s what friendship is.