#okay just wanted to vent about my impatientness

[lxdymoon0357]

Hi if it's okay can I please ask for a yandere Kosair with a Yuutsu darling and where she's friends with his sister and he slowly grows obsessed her and attached to her

(of-course, it was fun to write this!! Also apologies for the mistakes, I tried my best to find as much info about Yuutsu as possible!!)

Yandere! Kosair X Yuutsu (OC)! Reader

❀ You were a dressmaker in the Eastern empire, and your dresses were not a part of a huge showroom, but you just made a few dresses here and there for people and your prices depended on the materials of the dress, your dresses were silently famous and the words eventually received by the empress who needed a dress for a little get-away.

❀ She came to you, asked to make a dress and you did, and Navier enjoyed it…A LOT! It was comfortable, made her feel happy and pretty, and it was everything she wanted, she asked you to make more for her for different occasions and you agreed, you and her slowly in this way became friends.

❀ Navier would often get you to make dresses for her and her ladies-in-waiting or her nobility friends and she would often model it for you in a silent and modest manner, you quickly became one of her dearest friends whom she’d vent about all her problems to.

❀ Soon you met Kosair, who was the empress’s brother, and he looked identical to her!! You weren’t lying, he was adorable like his sister, but in an opposite manner, he was not afraid to hit a person who disrespected him unlike Navier who is very peculiar of her reputation, so it wasn’t hard to be friends with him as long as you don’t hurt Navier or anger him!!

❀ Slowly, slowly you also became very close with Kosair as he was more of an explorer he was always out and about and he visited you with some gifts or something to help you with your interests, he would also love it if you made him some clothing as well, he is obsessed with you after all!!

❀ And no, I’m not kidding when I say he’s OBSESSED with you…HE IS OBSESSED WITH YOU. You’re so sweet, soft and kind looking along with your pretty long pink hair, your creativeness and your two babies, who are kittens apparently!! He was ready to propose when he first saw you, no lie…

❀ He notices every little detail about you, like your light pink coloured nails, you relaxing more when it’s raining, the absurd amount of hair clips and ribbons for your hair, how you aren’t able to accept a gift because of your nervousness as you feel that you aren’t deserving of it, the pink and cute choker you always have around your neck for some reason…, the way your face turns red when you cry or blush even though you have a poker face on, the white, pink and black decorate which is spoopy; cute and spooky. And so much more, he has noticed!!

❀ Don’t worry! He won’t do anything rash, well not for a good long while, until someone decides to touch you or try to court you or try to be your suitor, they aren’t alive for long and are mostly beaten up and never found or accused of horrible crimes!! He has connections; he is a noble after all!!

❀ He is not gonna kidnap you, until he is sure you trust him a 100% and until you both are probably deep into a relationship, he is an impatient man but he will be patient and wait for the right for as LONG as possible if it’s for you!!

❀ He will make sure you have everything you want, Navier on the other hand is someone who contacts her brother with every problem you have, because she’s your best friend, she only wants what’s best for you and she wants to help solve any and every problem in your life!! And you fit perfectly with her brother; she WOULD LOVE TO HAVE YOU AS HER SISTER-IN-LAW!!

❀ He knows how much when a person makes dresses, they usually never get a pretty dress themselves by others, so he does exactly that, he buys you prettiest of dresses from different countries and with different fabrics, different styles, colours, patterns, dying techniques, etc. he is gonna make sure you’re gonna like them!! It’s just something he does; just don’t mind the tiny splatters of blood on some of them and by some of them I mean all of them…

[babyrdie]

So, I know anyone who sees my posts already knows that I have a headcanon about how Antilochus, like Nestor, talks a lot. I usually talk about Antilochus' family or his best friends (Achilles and Patroclus), but I was thinking about Antilochus' friendships in general and remembered how close he seems to Menelaus in The Iliad. And now I'm imagining Menelaus unintentionally having some sort of spy on the Myrmidon camp. This wasn't even Menelaus' intention, but Antilochus spends a lot of time with the Myrmidons because of Patroclus and Achilles and for some reason continues to tell Menelaus about his daily life, which includes the Myrmidons. And just like that, Menelaus accidentally got a source of information before Odysseus and Odysseus can't believe the absurdity of the situation.

I imagine Agamemnon, every time he has a problem with Achilles, calling Phoenix to inform him how the situation is on the other side because Phoenix is ​​Achilles' advisor and then going to Menelaus to vent about it. But usually everything he says Menelaus already knew because of Antilochus. Something like Agamemnon complaining that Achilles is still grumpy because Agamemnon forgot to invite him to a party and supposedly invented some new insult for him and Phoenix curiously avoided giving details about what kind of insult, and while Menelaus is like "oh yeah. This time he said you have a presence as maddening as the Erinyes, huh. He even made a song satirizing you" and Agamemnon is always freaking out about how the hell Menelaus always knows the most specific details that Phoenix refuses to tell. Menelaus didn't tell him how, but Agamemnon once commented about his brother somehow knowing too much to Odysseus and ever since then Odysseus has been looking at Antilochus and wondering how he didn't notice what a valuable source of information he had nearby.

Odysseus was also sincerely amazed that he didn't got this kind of information from Nestor before, as he highly doubts that Antilochus wouldn't tell Nestor and Thrasymedes about it and Odysseus didn't know that it was possible that Nestor wouldn't give him some gossip from the Myrmidon camp. Odysseus tried to get as much gossip as possible about all the camps as a way to make plans for specific problems in the army, but it was really hard to get anything about the Myrmidons.

Phoenix clearly over-polished the information and purposely omitted details and information (trying to protect your prince…I see. Even Agamemnon sees this, don't think you're fooling us!);

Achilles always looked at him like he was suspiciously planning something (not really wrong…but hey! Blah blah you don't speak your mind, son of Lartes. Calm down, I just want to have information to avoid things like fights, rebellions, riots, etc! And you're not special, I need to do this to everyone here!);

Patroclus always gave him a condescending smile (dude, it's okay if you noticed what I'm trying to do, no need to be so annoying about it! Oh, he's finally serious now…wait, is that a dimple? Stop smiling!);

Menesthius just widened his eyes and said that his uncle was calling him (Achilles never called him. But okay, dude, I get it, you don't want to get in trouble with your uncle. Family loyalty, right? I won't judge you!);

Automedon clearly spoke more to horses than to people (I even tried to hide to see if Automedon would vent something to the horses, but all the guy did was complain about the noise of the celebrations!);

Ajax glared at him impatiently (okay, big guy, you're not that into gossiping. I get it, I just thought you had information about your cousin's camp! Let's talk about fighting techniques then...);

Teucer blatantly ignored him (the smartass certainly knows something, he's a duo with Ajax and Ajax hangs out with the Myrmidons!!! Sneaky, huh. Typical of an archer, I know that because I'm one too!);

The other Myrmidons just gave him useless information and Odysseus couldn't press or it would be too obvious that he wanted more specific information than "oh, Patroclus and the slave girls made soup yesterday!" (why the fuck Patroclus is cooking for the Myrmidons with the slaves is a mystery. Wasn't he supposed to cook specifically for Achilles and Achilles' guests?);

Odysseus was even thinking about getting something to make the slaves willing to give interesting details, he had somehow forgotten that Antilochus was a thing in this situation. It was quite a surprise when he congratulated Menelaus for outsmarting him and Menelaus didn't know what he was talking about and when Odysseus explained that Menelaus had noticed Antilochus' informative ability first, Menelaus simply said that it was Antilochus himself who started talking every time. Odysseus found the whole situation ridiculous and unexpected, but at least he had no more problems in obtaining some basic information in the following years of war. The gods know he needs a LOT of information to help Agamemnon, the guy is so eager to be a leader that he sometimes forgets the strategic part of things. Don't get him wrong, he likes Agamemnon, but he also doesn't know what Agamemnon would do without him and Nestor!

And yes, this is an EXTREMELY specific headcanon, but I was thinking about Odysseus and Nestor's roles as Agamemnon's mediators and how there are so many different armies. I was like, "how do they know enough to lead all these people?" and voila! Also, I imagine this happening in the early years of the war, when they were less comradely. And yes, Agamemnon vents to his younger brother daily. Menelaus doesn't vent much to Agamemnon, however. Not because he doesn't trust Agamemnon, he just thinks his older brother is too enthusiastic about defending him, and so Menelaus wants to avoid situations where Agamemnon will "protect his honor" without being asked lol

A kind of silly headcanon, I know, but the ability to be silly is a blessing!

[actuallyadhd]

hi, sorry in advance if this isn't the kind of thing you are open to getting in your inbox, but i just don't know what to do with my feelings. i really hate my adhd. i spent my youth cruising through school and high achiever programs, being told i was going places, and nowadays i am nothing short of completely useless. i'm early in diagnosis to where i'm just starting with medication (15mg of ritalin twice a day at this stage) and haven't effects yet. it's already clear that the dose i'm going to need will be embarrassingly high.

ever since i told my friends, it's obvious that the diagnosis came out of left field for them and that they see me differently. i keep catching them giving me sympathetic looks after zoning out, fiddling with something, or presenting some other stereotypical symptom. i tried mentioning to them how i'm not getting results out of meds yet as a means of whinging since it is making me anxious and a little impatient, and their response was completely uninformed medical advice about how i should be taking them. they're also all talking about how they all probably have adhd too since we 'tend to glom together'. they're all straight-A students with no symptoms or functional issues, so i find this a little condescending. i might be imagining how they've starting talking down to me/talking slower. the diagnosis made me feel stupid enough without them acting like this, and now i just feel like a human joke.

i don't really know what the point of what i'm writing is anymore, but i'm struggling to get any assignments in, failing all my tests, my friends treat me different, my parents are unabashedly disappointed, the meds are taking too long to work, i'm lazy, dysfunctional, getting dumber every day, and my head is too fucking loud to keep living in.

i'm sick of how trying to have a thought feels like being a sentient pile of spaghetti wading through tar, and of not being able to read if my brain decides a particular paragraph is not to its liking, of not remembering anything, of struggling and not even being able to remember and articulate what with, and all the other bullshit. i probably just have to wait this out while we figure out meds, but i'm sorry for using this inbox to vent because i think that's what i'm doing as i can't really go to my friends. feel absolutely no pressure to respond, i might have just needed to wright this down and see it sent off somewhere. any advice is welcome if you have it though, lol.

Sent August 16, 2024

Oof, I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. There's a lot here, so I'm going to try and go through it a bit at a time and tackle everything as I go.

First, this is absolutely the kind of thing I'm here to try and help with. No worries at all on that.

Second, this is a long one, so I'm putting in a cut.

I understand hating your ADHD. You feel how you feel, and that's okay. Reaching out for help is a fantastic way to deal with those emotions.

It sounds like you were a gifted student, and now that you have less of a schedule being imposed on you, you're struggling. That is totally normal, but it also sucks a lot.

You aren't "achieving your potential" or meeting expectations, and at this point they aren't just others' expectations, they're your own. I spent several months working through this issue years ago, and it still comes up for me regularly! The friend who walked me through it was incredibly patient with me, and their job in this case seemed to mainly consist of "why do you think you need to do this thing?" and then just continually asking why until we got to the bottom of it all.

Once you know what's at the base of the expectations, you're in a way better position to decide whether they're expectations you want to try to meet.

One of the good things about getting diagnosed is that it gives you information. Now you know why things are hard, and you can start looking for solutions that will actually work with your brain. You may find some of those solutions here, and you can always ask for help with specific issues.

Now, it's possible that Ritalin/methylphenidate isn't the right medication for you. It is also possible that the dose is too low; I don't know a lot about doses for Ritalin (I was initially put on Concerta but it was Very Bad so we switched to Dexedrine/amphetamine) but I used to know someone who took 150mg Ritalin every day, so that's a thing.

As for your friends, talk to them about how they're acting. Tell them that you don't appreciate the jokes or the different treatment. Explain that ADHD has been there all along, it just wasn't discovered earlier because your giftedness hid it. You are not a different person.

Having ADHD doesn't make you stupid. We've already established that you're gifted. I know what that's like; I was this flavour of twice-exceptional, too, and I was 28 with my ADHD was finally diagnosed. I know that doesn't help how you feel right now, but it is true.

For your school stuff, talk to your instructors about getting extensions so you can try to get caught up. Go to your school's disability services office and talk to them about what you can access in terms of accommodations. Set yourself a schedule for studying and working on assignments that you stick to no matter what.

I'm not sure why your parents are disappointed. If it's your school performance, I get it. Showing them that you're doing your best will help a lot with that. If it's the ADHD itself, that's not your fault. ADHD is hugely genetic, so it's just a thing that happens and probably you have relatives who also have ADHD, or at least people who would probably qualify for a diagnosis.

Medication can take a while to figure out, and it can be difficult to deal with waiting while you get the right medication and the right dose. At the same time, you may not notice a difference right away; so much depends on the person and the medication.

Now, you are not lazy or getting "dumber" every day. You have ADHD, which means you have executive dysfunction. That is hard because the world is not set up for people like us, so when we struggle we compare ourselves to other people and that's never a good idea.

I have a suggestion for helping you feel better about yourself, and then I have some resources for you to look at.

Start a scrapbook that's just about good things about you. Make a page for things you're interested in (or a page per interest). Do something about your favourite colour, things you have done for other people, etc. The idea is that then you can look at this book and remind yourself of the good things about who you are as a person.

As for resources, here are a couple of posts over on the main Actually ADHD site that might help with some of what you're struggling with. Most of the posts there include printables, so do have a look and see if those might help you at all.

Followers, do you have any other suggestions for this anon?

-J

[lunerna21]

***I meant to do a post for Chapter 1 of Book 7 earlier but it’s been super chaotic with the holidays 😭***

***Slightly longer post but I just want to get my feelings out lol***

BUT I do wanna vent about specific parts of this chapter cause I’m constantly on edge waiting for the release of Chapter 2 (even though I’ll be crying and hyperventilating throughout the next chapter)

First of all, let me start off with how much I love seeing Sebek have a bitch fit from us calling Malleus Tsunotaro

Like dude basically had an aneurysm and tantrum over it and I fucking love his reaction 😭

(Also totally not loving the attention from Malleus in the very beginning of the chapter 🙈)

Being such a huge fan of Sleeping Beauty I’m thriving on the focus of it for this Book and I can’t wait to see where it takes us ❤️

BUT BUT There were two parts that had me almost to the point of losing my goddamn mind

1. The idea that we could be leaving Ace, Deuce and Grim

When Deuce and Grim started reminiscing and getting upset about us leaving and Grim being alone again

JUST THE ABSOLUTE HEARTBREAK I FELT IN THIS SCENE WAS AWFUL LIKE TWST WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME

CAN WE GIVE OURSELVES A BREAK WE KEEPING GOING THROUGH SO MUCH SHIT TOGETHER

BUT THEN ACE'S REACTION IS SENDING ME TO THE HEAVENS

I'M SO CONFUSED AT ACE'S REACTION LIKE CMON TELL ME HOW YOU ACTUALLY FEEL

Throughout the whole series we've always seen Ace consoling us and keeping his positive outlook, and I'm DYING to see how he reacts to us leaving when we have a guaranteed way home

I feel like once he know's our time is coming to an end, Ace is gonna be inconsolable and just completely break down and beg us to not leave

AND I WILL NOT BE OKAY

IF I SEE ALL THREE OF THEM CRYING ABOUT US LEAVING OR THE OTHER STUDENTS IM GONNA BE IN THERAPY FOR WEEKS

I wish we got to see him more vulnerable but I feel like Yana is just cooking something up to DEVASTATE the fandom

AND THE ACEYUU LOVER THAT I AM IM HOPING WE GET SOME DEVELOPMENT CAUSE THIS LITTLE SHIT IS SO GOOD AT MASKING HIS FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS

LIKE CMON ACE TRAPPOLA LET ME KNOW HOW YOU FEEL

2. Malleus speaking about this past

LET ME TELL YOU MALLEUS DRACONIA NEEDS SO MUCH GODDAMN LOVE

THE AMOUNT OF TIME MALLEUS WAS ALONE AND HE WAS USED TO IT IS ABSOLUTELY AWFUL

(Also screw that last option like why would I ever pick that after what he told us)

Just the fact as he was telling his story and we pointed it out and he was just like "Oh, I guess I was" and acknowledged it

Does everyone need to be so traumatized by their past in this game like goddamn the whole goddamn school needs a therapist

Just reminiscing on his reactions to spending time with us in the main story and side stories, and how much he enjoyed being included just makes the past events more special with him 😭

....And his reaction afterward we told him we'd found a way home...

WE'RE JUST ADDING ON MORE TO HIS LONELINESS AND I HATE IT CAN'T WE GIVE MALLEUS LOVE AND A BREAK

AND THEN THE WAY IT ENDED JUST SENDS ME INTO OVERDRIVE EVERY GODDAMN TIME

.....Malleus facing the horrible reality that everyone is slowly fading from his life and he has no way to prevent this is just....

When I tell you I'm going to be in therapy after Chapter 2, I will be so inconsolable that I will be in shambles for a while

I'm glad I'm also caught up to the Chapter 6 on the JPN server, but having to now relive everything in the EN server I will not be okay

Now I will sit in and cry impatiently as I wait for a date for the newest Chapter (ALSO MANIFESTING MORE CHAPTERS NEXT MONTH FOR BOTH SERVERS EVEN THOUGH IT HURTS)

Enjoying the rest of your day~~!! *walks off in tears*

[kafus]

ok i've decided i want to infodump about vee and nova a little after all! because uhh not only am i impatient because autism but i also. want to dip my toes into talking about this. just days ago i was still terrified but now i am Tentatively Brave... if i can talk about it here casually like this then i should be able to write a more formal summary later some other time

i've tagged this post appropriately (at least i think i have, feel free to suggest if i should add more) but also a heads up here too before i keep talking that while i'm not going into graphic detail on anything there are STRONG themes of organized sexual abuse of a child, sexual abuse of animals, and grooming! (there are no disturbing visuals in this post, just text)

IF YOU CAN'T READ THIS POST THAT'S OKAY I STILL LOVE U

takes a deep breath alright so the deal with these two. back all the way in 2021, i decided i wanted to make "vent ocs" as in i just wanted some concrete/consistent designs i could use in vent art drawings that weren't a direct reflection of what i envision myself to look like or whatever. i was going through a lot in 2021, in december 2020 i had just gotten my first big repressed memory back and my life was in a whirlwind of change and heavily increased PTSD and DID symptoms, so i was using art a lot as an outlet. in the end i settled on this drawing, based on the design taste i would have had as a young person (god the quality is so old now LOL i've improved a lot but anyway)

i was intending for these two to be just visual designs and nothing more than that but i got attached and actually ended up giving them a whole storyline and everything, which is something i admittedly hadn't done in a long time up to that point so that's cool.

the reason i preface explaining the premise of the storyline with this is because i think it's important to acknowledge that these two are intrinsically tied with my real life and the feelings i experience as a CSA/OA survivor. not because i think someone has to go through awful things to write or draw about them necessarily, but because i am passionate about expressing myself. it's important for me to be seen in some way, to be heard after years of silence. it is not safe for me mentally to share the exact details of my abuse online rn (and please don't ask for them!) but i also don't want these two to be removed from the message that i survived something and this is me making art about that in an abstracted and magical way with a fictional universe that brings me a lot of comfort. i hope this makes sense lol

oh and also with that in mind if you think for even a second any of this is a weird sex thing for me or some shit please stop reading this post and go do something else with your time. this is my trauma expression and i don't need to be compared to the people i was abused by when i was a literal toddler thank you!

AANYWAY so! premise! gonna be point blank with it! vee (not her original name but shh) is born as a normal 100% human girl, aka without the eevee ears and tail. she is groomed from a very young age (like, toddler age) and eventually abducted by her groomers which happen to be members of... well right now it's team rocket because i haven't spent the time to worldbuild a new villainous pokemon organization yet. roll with me here. she is taken to a remote facility out in the middle of fucking nowhere and is never returned to her previous life or family.

Why? well i'm glad you asked! the org is running a bunch of different experiments in this facility and one of them happens to be trying to enable humans reproducing with pokemon. this doubles as both a money thing and a power thing. they seek out a child as the victim of these horrible experiments because children are easily malleable. way easier to control a child than an adult who already has a firm identity/self.

vee is the child they chose. surgery is forcibly done on her to give her working eevee ears and tail, and also like, fuck with her body chemistry and stuff. she's biologically part eevee now. yes this is bullshit pokemon magic science LMAO but she is kept in this facility and chronically sexually abused for a few years by pairing her with various mons and trying to get eggs to happen.

the experiment isn't working though so they hypothesize that giving her a dedicated partner, especially of the same evolutionary line, would help, and they raise nova from birth as an eevee to take on that role. eventually the two of them are paired together. despite the acts they are forced to commit on each other and the abuse they endure, they actually become inseparable very quickly cause like. they don't have anyone else. and also they just genuinely care about each other. additionally at this point nova has evolved into an espeon and has telepathic powers, so him and vee can communicate linguistically with each other, so you know that helps

generally my current focus of this story is in the early years, when vee is 12 and younger, before they start realizing that shit is fucked up and they need to escape (up until that hypothetical point they have been successfully groomed into believing everything happening to them was not abuse/was normal). i have left out a metric fuckton of detail here just to get across the basic premise. i am constantly exploring vee's psyche, nova's psyche, it's like an in depth exploration of the mind of an abused child in horrific circumstances and god it's cathartic. i love these two so fucking much

btw i guess this art has more context now huh haha after i infodumped off the plot to my sister they looked at this art again and was like. OHHH THIS IS EVEN MORE OMINOUS AND HARD TO LOOK AT WITH CONTEXT. AND I WAS LIKE YEAH!!!! YOU SEE THE VISION!!! THE SYMBOLISM!! ETC!!!!

uh yeah if you read this far thank you and i just wanna say i've been building up the courage to talk about these two for GENUINELY two years, it has been over 2 full years since that initial drawing, and i am nervous and jittery posting this but i do not want to die without having shared my work with the world and i'm willing to take the risks to get my voice out there. so you reading it is very much appreciated ur like my first step into being more confident as a survivor lol

oh and fwiw despite these guys being so correlated with my trauma it's not offensive to make headcanons or ask me questions about them or compliment darker art of them however you want, in fact i love that shit!! please i've been holding these guys back for two years i have so much to say that hasn't been said. as much as i am nervous i am EXCITED

[kz-i-co]

Don’t Fall In Love: Part 2

Summary: You are one of the most popular bloggers on your campus, telling enriching stories of your personal heartbreaks anonymously. But your readers are not ready to handle the newest heartbreak of finding out your best friend dating your ex.

Pairing: Lee Haechan (Donghyuk) x f!reader

Genre: college au | angst (eventual fluff x smutt)

Warnings: story may contain strong language, mentions of drugs and alcohol - sexual references - reader discretion advise.

Words: 4.6k

Part 1 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

Masterlist | Nct 127 Masterlist | Nct Dream Masterlist

Taglist: @lovingvoidgoatee, @lunaryoongie, @matchahyuck, @yixingtion, @mosviqu, @ohmyhuenings, @nctzennikki09​

::: LoveAboveMyPinkClouds: blog post #51 Please understand that my short hiatus was necessary as I can firmly say....I'm going through hell. And those of you still accusing me for bullshitting fake news....then shame on you - but also honored you think my creativity is this impressive, thanks I guess. I will gladly get to your questions as my DM box is officially full - also thanks again....I guess - but please let me vent on my own because this is all too real and once again....NOT okay with it. I never seen this coming. It's bad enough I had to confront my oh so famous ex on the matter and thought I was crazy to split up his new found relationship. The jerk didn't take it well since he brought up my relationship with J - his best friend. Oops did I forget to mention that? Call me slut or hypocrite - what ever floats your boat but I as well was under a lack of information and I would take it back if I could. I have more regrets than I would like to admit and people reading who are close to me will probably connect the dots eventually and my identity will soon be blown but as of right now I'm venting and this is the only place I can comfortably do it. I will get to my session on D soon but right now I'm pissed and rather not talk about it. Thanks for being here anyway. Xoxo peace :::

"(Y/N), help me hang this." Minjeong asked letting one side of the banner dangle. It's been a few days since you've found out about Donghyuck and Minjeong and you still couldn't deal with it, but at least you played nice.

"Why are we doing this?" You sounded uninterested.

"Jimin's birthday." She sounded offended.

"I know that.....she said not to make a big deal out of it." You shrugged taping the other side.

"That's the best part." She smiled once again. "You okay? You seem down lately."

"I'm just drowning in school work, exhausted." You lied.

"You need more sleep and to stop partying."

"I've only been to two this week." You made your way to the kitchen and pulled out a can of soda.

"And stripped in front of the whole fraternity." She giggled. "And can't forget trashing your ex's."

"Must we keep talking about this? I was drunk and stupid and I said I was sorry."

"Alright." She began, following you. "Actually....can I ask you for dating advice?" She said, changing the subject.

"Trouble with catfish already?" You tried not to smile.

"It's not that....and stop calling him that." She smiled sarcastically. "How long did you date Jaemin until you guys started.....you know, sleeping together."

You didn't lie that the question alone caused your stomach to sink. "Well, first of all, he was a fuck buddy so the first date technically."

"Well then, your other ex...."

You sighed avoiding her question. "Min, you just started dating this guy and you want him to fuck you already." Your eyebrows furrowed.

You can tell she was uncomfortable. "I'm just getting impatient and I thought guys in college dived right into that stuff."

"I mean you ain't wrong. College guys are horn dogs." You giggled. "But I don't know, maybe he's a gentleman."

You chuckled to yourself because you knew that was the farthest from the truth. Donghyuck was no gentleman, at least not anymore....or maybe this was somehow an act to look innocent to get girl to fall for boy faster - what an evil genius.

"So am I wrong to worry? All we've done is kiss and hold hands. I want more." She sounded defeated and you as her best friend would feel bad and want this douche to pay but this was Donghyuck we're talking about, you didn't want happiness for him. Cruel yes but maybe he deserved it.

"Break up with him." You said nonchalantly.

"Not this again (Y/N). You act like you don't like him but you met him once, can't you try a little harder."

You heard a knock on the door ending your conversation thankfully. "I hope that's not Riri, I told her to distract Jimin, we're not done." She panicked as she opened the door.

"Speak of the devil." She squealed hugging the person on the other side and of course it had to be none other than your ex himself. "You came early to help?"

"Of course." He spoke and you couldn't help but laugh to yourself in the kitchen. His tone sounding unfamiliar.

"(Y/N) be nice." She warned as she passed you in the kitchen. "I have some balloons here that need to be filled up and I still have the punch that needs to be made and oh the snacks."

You and Donghyuck both shook your head at Minjeong's pacing as she needed everything to be perfect.

"I'll stay here with the snacks." You offered, already grabbing the bowls from the cabinets.

"Okay great. I'll blow up balloons." She grabbed the bag. "Oh shit, I left the cake in the car." She panicked and made her way to the door. "Channie, can you make the punch, you do it the best."

"A-huh." He nodded feeling overwhelmed and as soon as she left he sighed.

"Channie." You mocked as soon as he made his way over. "I love you Channie....you're so cute Channie."

"Please shut up." He grabbed the bowl, not caring he basically pushed you out of the way.

"What's wrong, no love in paradise?" You teased.

He just glared at you as you continued your fun. "I'm surprised you haven't told her yet....seems unlike you."

"Like I said, you tend to ruin relationships all on your own." You shrugged pouring the chips in the bowl.

"Yep, that was all me." He said sarcastically.

"I'm surprised you haven't slept with her yet, come on Hyukie, you're better than that.....have you lost your touch?"

"How do you even know what we've done."

"Did you forget Minjeong is my best friend? She tells me things....and she is upset."

"Upset huh?" He turned towards you with a smirk. "She really wants me that bad?.....I was waiting for her to beg.....virgin's especially can't wait long enough."

"You're sick. Maybe she's just desperate."

"You let me know when you hear next door." He remarked as Minjeong opened the door cutting off your conversation.

You crumbled the rest of the chip bag and threw it aggressively in the trash.

"Cakes fine." She smiled and sensed the awkward tension. "How's the snacks coming."

"Everything is dandy." You smiled and Donghyuck nodded and continued his punch.

You grabbed the completed bowls and made your way to the living room to place on the coffee table. You really tried not to show your disturbed emotion as you turned to grab more bowls seeing the two embraced in a sweet kiss and giggling together.

It hurt....it hurt because that was you once.

"Um....can I add liquor to this?" Donghyuck was quick to pull away, wiping off his smile as he saw you grabbing another bowl close by.

"This isn't that kind of party." Minjeong giggled.

"Not a lot, just enough to take off some edge." You knew he met you but you didn't turn around to show you were listening. You were done listening.

"Half a bottle." She said and made her way to the living room blowing up balloons.

Then you finally looked back as he gave you a rueful smile and then suddenly emptying the whole bottle causing you to softly giggle. Not a party if Donghyuck isn't spiking the punch, typical.

....

"Guys, they're gonna be here any minute." Minjeong announced as the talking started to die down.

"Isn't that your ex?" Yetak spoke next to you as Donghyuck was practically hiding in the kitchen, engaged in a conversation with Mark and Renjun. You could tell he was anxious to even be in this situation that you so happened to make worse by lying to everyone.

"Nope, they just look alike." She looked at you puzzled and then back at him. "I'll explain later but for now just pretend you don't know him okay?"

"Shhhh....she's coming." Minjeong had everyone quiet and as as the door opened....

"Surprise!" Everyone cheered as soon as Jimin and Riri walked through the door. You didn't invite a lot of people to your apartment, just some close friends and of course Minjeong allowed Donghyuck to invite some of his friends and bless your soul Jeno and Jaemin decided not to come saving you a night of disaster.

"Oh wow....thank you everyone." She smiled and leaned next to Minjeong. "I said no party."

"It's not a party....it's a gathering." She smiled cutely.

"It's a party." She smiled but you could sense the anxiety in her.

"It's not even big enough to be a party.....I only invited a few people." She remarked. "We have drinks and food....just a hang out - you only turn 23 once."

She nodded looking at you for help. "If you're really concerned Channie made some special punch if you need to relax."

"Or Mark bought some drinks, since we're all adults." He spoke up and Jimin locked eyes with him and immediately looked to you causing you to shake your head.

"Some of us." You smirked trying to get rid of any suspicion.

"Oh Jimin.....I didn't introduce you yet." Minjeong dragged him closer and he couldn't help but fake a smile as Jimin was already set up to cause disaster. "Jimin this is Haechan."

"You're the catfish?" She spoke and you combed through your hair panicked.

"Catfish?" He questioned.

"Don't take it personal Hy-Haechan.....we knew Min met you online and you know it's hard to trust anyone. Most of them lie and cheat and hide who they really are."

He glared towards you but quickly pulled off a fake laugh. "You're right....there's a bunch of crazy people on those sites, lucky Minjeong didn't meet one."

"Nope I didn't." She held his arm leaning closer.

Jimin locked eyes with you again shrewdly. "Nice to meet you."

"Do you mind if I get dressed real quick, Min?" She made a beeline through to her room. "(Y/N), Riri.....help me." She signaled and you were quick to follow.

"Can you be any more suspicious." You shouted in a hushed whisper.

"What the fuck is going on? Why is he here?"

You sighed. "That's Minjeong's new boyfriend."

"Very funny." Riri laughed.

"I'm not lying, it's been him all along -the catfish."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Jimin practically yelled.

"Keep your voice down. Can you see why I've been so pissy lately."

"Oh my god, she don't know? You didn't tell her?"

"How am I suppose to tell her. She liked him before I even knew who he really was. I can't do that to her."

"But you're gonna let her do this to you?" Riri spoke up.

"It's not her fault, she never met "my ex" before." You shrugged defeated.

"So what is this? Is this his way of getting back at you." Jimin asked.

"He swears he didn't know she was our friend."

"Bullshit." She shook her head.

"Well, he seemed pretty startled when he first met me."

"And you just played it off like you didn't know him?"

"What was I suppose to do Ri....say hey ummm you know this is my ex that broke my heart into a million pieces."

"Yes."

Jimin looked more angry than you. "I don't know who I should be more pissed at...you or her or him."

"Trust me I'm pissed at myself as it is." You put your hands on your hips, taking a deep breath.

"And he's not in anyway consider breaking it off with her?"

"I tried.....he doesn't care about me anymore."

"You have to tell her." Jimin said with more sympathy.

"Let her be happy with that jerk."

"I don't mean for her, for you. This is not healthy (Y/N)....not after what he put your through - is still putting you through."

"Well, it's too late.....she's already sunk in deep."

"I don't care. She deserves to know, unless you're gonna keep lying to her."

"Besides - if she knew she was doing this to you, she would be upset." Riri spoke up after Jimin.

"Okay fine, but not yet."

"Sooner is better than later, she can't fall farther than she already has."

"I know, I'll handle it. I mean.....if she still wants to date him after then it's whatever."

"Why would you do that when you're still in love with him?"

"I'm not still in love- I'm not." You could tell they didn't believe you. "I'm fine - I promise."

"Guys. Everything alright?" Minjeong opened the door and Jimin quickly changed her shirt, avoiding suspension.

"Everythings great, I love the party."

Minjeong rolled her eyes playfully. "I know I know, I just want your birthday to be special."

"It is, thank you." She gave a genuine smile as you all looted back to the rest of the apartment.

"Drinks you say?" Jimin grabbed you and headed towards the kitchen. "Nice to see you again Hyuck- oops I mean Haechan." She smirked and you couldn't help but giggle as you both grabbed some drinks off the counter.

He gave a look of annoyance. "Hmm, what did she tell you?"

"Oh nothing.....I just think that if neither of you are gonna tell Minjeong than I will." She warned causing you both to look at each other timidly.

"Go ahead, I already told (Y/N) to tell her.......I did nothing wrong here."

"That's priceless." She laughed.

"What did she tell you about us.....I'm dying to know." He leaned on the counter.

"More than enough."

"I bet my life it wasn't the truth." He said causing you to laugh causing the attention of Minjeong from across the room.

"Let's not do this here....it's Minjeongs party after all." You said and Jimin took a sip in agreement.

"Have the punch it's stronger." Donghyuck smirked before walking away.

"Still in love huh?" She asked as she walked away as well. You took a deep breath grabbing a cup of his poisoned punch.

He definitely put more than one bottle in here. And it showed after three cups, but at least you weren't the only one.

::: LoveAboveMyPinkClouds: blog post #52 I wouldn't say I'm a messy drunk but you may be fooled once you're a witness. I tried to contain my emotions, I tried to contain my actions but when your love life is this much of a mess than wouldn't you agree I deserve it - a little medicine to forget my past and apparently my present. It hurts and booze is all I have. Relax - it doesn't mean I'm turning myself into an alcoholic but every now and then I need something to ease the pain. Let's just hope I don't say anything I regret the next day. :::

"I'm so curious yeah.....sajin sok niga!!!!" You sang along drunkenly with Minjeong. "Georeo nawa wae!"

"Psst.....how long are you going to let this go on?" Mark spoke next to Donghyuck as he watched you and Minjeong sing and Dance to the music.

"You want to turn the music off?" He took a sip of his  drink.

"I mean this girlfriend - ex girlfriend thing."

"(Y/N) is gonna tell her anyway, so I'll just wait it out."

"How do you know that?"

"Because I know her."

"I need a refill." Minjeong made her way to the kitchen. "I love your punch Channie.....I can't get enough."

"Oh but you will." He pulled her away as she practically collapsed into his arms.

"But it's so good." She whined.

"You can have more tomorrow." He said sweetly as he guided her to her room.

The party was pretty much cleared out by this point. "It's getting late I guess we'll head out." Renjun spoke as he stood up.

"You guys can't go yet. We're not done singing." You slurred your words. "Oof, it's hot." You started taking off your shirt.

"She has a habit of stripping when she's drunk." Jimin laughed and Donghyuck combed his fingers through his hair in annoyance as soon as he stepped out of Minjeong's room.

"I'll put her to bed, you can go." Jimin offered as Mark and Renjun approached the door.

"Thank you for inviting us, happy birthday Jimin." Mark spoke before making an exit.

"We didn't even sing happy birth-" You puked before finishing your sentence.

"You guys go, I'll meet you back." Donghyuck said to Mark and Renjun and he grabbed you gently, guiding you to the bathroom.

He leaned over the tub, turning on the shower to warm. He started unzipping your puke filled jeans helping you out of them as you just stared at him apologetic. "I'm sorry."

"Maybe I should of listened to Minjeong and only put half a bottle." He showed a slight smile.

"I'm sorry for ruining our relationship." He was caught off guard from your statement. You always accused him first for ruining the relationship but now it was the other way around. What changed with you and when did you feel this way?

"What do you mean (Y/N)." He looked at you puzzled.

"I'm sorry I was a horrible girlfriend to make you cheat." You teared and he sighed taking a moment to comprehend your confession.

"You weren't a horrible girlfriend (Y/N)."

"I bet Minjeong is better than me." You looked up at him. "Does she make you happy?"

"Let's just get you cleaned up, okay." He turned you around and unclipped your bra and guide you to the shower, closing the curtain as he faced away from you respectfully. Even though he's seen all of you before, he knew it wasn't his right anymore.

Once you were done, he handed you a towel and helped you to your room picking out some simple sweats, getting you ready for bed.

"Drink this whole glass before falling asleep." You nodded taking the water as he headed towards your door.

"Hyuck."

"Yeah?" He turned around.

"Can you stay with me?" You begged softly.

"You know I can't do that." It was his turn to look at you apologetic.

"Oh....yeah." You said quietly. "Well, thank you for taking care of me."

"Sure." He smiled softly. "Goodnight (Y/N)."

"Happy birthday to me." Jimin spoke as she got up from cleaning the puke off the floor.

"Well technically..." He pulled out his phone. "It's 1:47.....it's not your birthday anymore."

"Har har......thanks old friend." She threw the rag at him.

"Ew." He dodged.

"It's your ex's puke." She laughed. "So.....about that."

"I don't want to talk about it." He started towards the door. "She's a mess."

"Well, can you blame her?" She started making the mood more tense.

"I didn't cheat on her Jimin, I don't know what she told you but she caught something and she took it way out of proportion."

"Then why don't you explain that to her."

"I tried, she won't listen to me."

"Well, maybe she's willing to listen now." She crossed her arms.

"It's too late now.....I moved on, now it's her turn." He opened the door. "I really didn't know about Minjeong if she believes that or not but I can't lose sleep over this. I'm sorry."

"It's not just that." Jimin spoke as he took his hand off the door knob, alerting his attention back. "She's not over you, can't you see that?"

He shrugged. "What do you want me to do.....she broke up with me."

"I think the answer is pretty simple." She said softly.

"It's not my fault she didn't tell her, she's the one that lied."

"But it doesn't make it right." He sighed at her answer.

"Look, I don't owe her anything, she decided to push me out. If she chooses to tell her the truth than fine, but for now I'm going to continue on with my life and she needs to do the same."

"Alright....I get it, it's none of my business - I just care about my friends that's all. But she will know eventually and I don't want anyone to get hurt."

"Have any of you considered that it's not just (Y/N) that is hurt?" He confessed before walking out the door. "Happy Birthday Jimin."

She softly smiled in return and let out a long groan as soon as she locked the door behind him.

::: LoveAboveMyPinkClouds: blog post #52 Okay so I admit....I fucked up. Pretending I didn't know my best friends new boyfriend is probably the dumbest decision I have ever made but what can I say - I panicked. I saw him and my mind went blank.....because the truth be told.....I'm not over you D - there I said it. Most of you called it anyway. Why do I even bother hiding anything. Those two damn years we have spent together was the best two damn years of my life - even if I still think it was wasted. D was the one I was so sure I wanted to marry, to eventually have kids with, to grow old with - my everything. But what changed? I know you guys are still dying to know.....but I'm just not ready. I got drunk last night and poured my heart out just to be shot down. Regrets regrets regrets - now he knows how I feel, I showed him weakness and now he's probably gloating in his victory. Probably even telling J of how much of a mess I am at this very moment. I'm in for a treat that's for sure. Well I guess that's all for now. Xoxo peace :::

-

"Can I talk to you for a second?" He arched his eyebrows in confusion as you were the one knocking on his door.

"I don't want to be rude (Y/N) but I'm leaving soon to meet up with Minjeong."

"I know, it will just be a second." Your tone was serious and he opened his door to let you in. Mark was nowhere to be seen, leaving you and Donghyuck alone for your disliking.

"So what's up?" He sat down on his wheelie chair, gently rocking back and fourth. You couldn't help but admire his comfy state - hair slightly a mess - slight dark circles forming under his eyes from his lack of sleep caused by late night video games and - sweats to top it all off. You missed that.

What were you doing? This is your ex you are thinking about. He wasn't yours anymore - stop staring at him like that. "(Y/N)? Are you still hungover?"

"Um- yes definitely hungover." He smirked at your stumble. "I just wanted you to know that, that wasn't me last night.....I was clearly drunk and I said some thing's I didn't mean and I'm sorry."

"You didn't say anything upsetting." He grew confused.

"Yeah but I still said some things I regret....I don't remember every little piece but I do know you helped me to bed and I just wanted to thank you."

"Sure but for you sake, let's not do it again." He leaned forward resting on his knees. "You made poor Jimin clean up your vomit on her birthday."

"I threw up?"

"All over the place.....even on yourself."

Your eyes grew wide trying to recall the events that happened. He cleaned you up? Does that mean he undressed you?

"I know what you're thinking." He stood up. "I had no intention of seeing you naked so get those dirty thoughts out of your head. I just helped you in the shower."

"How am I suppose to believe you when I was drunk."

His expression turned sour. "You should know me better than that.....and besides it's not like I haven't seen you before."

"But you don't have that right anymore." You snickered. "Who am I kidding, it wouldn't be the first time looking at other women when you're in a relationship."

He sighed clenching his teeth. "This is what I get for helping you?......Why don't you do everyone a favor and don't get wasted anymore because no one is going to help you."

"I didn't ask for you to help me."

"Why are you even here if you were just gonna harass me?"

"I just wanted to tell you to forget last night even happened."

"Forgotten." He held open the door and you walked out, you turned around thinking more words were going to be said but instead - a door slammed in your face.

::: LoveAboveMyPinkClouds: blog post #53 Transferring was becoming more and more clear as I live day to day. I am just making everything worse.....aren't I. Every time I open my mouth I find myself regretting what comes pouring out - drunk or sober. I don't know what to do by this point. My heart is like a balloon - slowly being deflated. :::

"What's wrong with you?" Jimin said as you burst through the door and collapsed on the couch.

"I hate everything."

"What happened now?"

"I went over to thank Hyuck for helping me last night but it turned into an argument like always."

"You went over to his dorm?" She asked.

"Yeah." You shrugged nonchalantly.

"Minjeong is on her way over there now, what if she saw you?"

"He said he was meeting her - never mind, I don't care.....I didn't see her it's fine."

"If you're gonna hold up this secret of yours, you need to be more careful because what if she thinks you two are hooking up behind her back, that would be worse than lying."

"That wouldn't happen." You shook your head.

"Why because you're gonna tell her the truth?" She forced.

"No because every time we're together we argue. No love connection what's-so-ever." She glared at you. "I'll tell her jeez, no worries I'm just waiting for the right time."

"There's never a good time, that's why you should just get it over with."

"I know." You sighed finally sitting up right, turning on the tv. "I've literally been rehearsing what I'm going to say."

"Just make it short and simple. Haechan is Donghyuck and you're having a hard time accepting them together."

"I'm not having a hard time-"

"Stop bullshitting (Y/N).....you can lie to yourself all you want but you're not fooling the rest of us."

You rolled your eyes but you knew she was right. "I'm just gonna go drown myself in alcohol."

"(Y/N), no more drinking." She laughed.

"Honestly I'm done talking about this right now." You snipped. "I just want to forget about him for one damn second."

"So....we ordering food, then."

"Yes please." You faked whined causing each other to laugh breaking the tension.

::: LoveAboveMyPinkClouds: blog post #53 Yep.....I should have most definitely kept my mouth shut, because I might have pissed him off worse than I thought. But I should have learned that if you mess with a snake, you're gonna get bit but I flinched and now the venom is traveling down to take me out for good this time. :::

"(Y/N) get dressed." Minjeong burst through the door being dramatically over excited.

"Why?" You groaned not wanting to get up.

"You and I are going on a double date." She said and Jimin sucked in her lips trying to not say anything.

"Huh?" You leaned up.

"Come on.......it will be fun. Dancing and dinner - hot sexy date."

"With who?" You were beyond puzzled.

"Okay so maybe I'm not really sure.....but Haechan says he has this friend that wants to hang out and he's single so...." She shrugged.

Donghyuck selecting a date for you? This can't be good. You pissed him off this morning and now he is in some way, taking revenge. Who could it be? Maybe he payed some desperate nerd to hook you up with. The thought just made your skin crawl. He was definitely up to no good.

"I'm sick."

"(Y/N) please...let's have fun." She pouted.

"Okay but the second I'm uncomfortable, I'm leaving." You'll be surprised if you last the first 5 minutes, to be honest.

.....

"Will you stop pacing, they will be here any minute."

"I thought this place was a lounge not a club."

"It is a lounge, I guess they are just packed tonight." She shrugged.

"I swear if he brings some creep to hit on me-"

"Look they're here." You glanced over seeing Donghyuck entered first and you already hated him for looking the way he did. He may be the type to wear sweats all day if he wanted to but when it came down to business, he knew how to dress nicely and you grew angry from just how attractive he is.

He glanced at you but by the way he eyed you up and down made your question what he was really thinking. He almost seemed speechless. You just hoped he wasn't thinking anything negative.

He did love me once?.....

You tried to shake off the thought of him, looking behind to see who he thought would distract you for the night on this oh so exciting double and you almost thought your eyes deceived you. What an asshole! You knew he was out for revenge and he couldn't sink any lower.

"Hey (Y/N)."

"Hey Jaemin."

-

>> Next Part

©property.of.kz-i-co

[shiftersroom]

hi thala! 💞 so sorry if you don’t accept this kind of asks but i just feel like i need to vent and your vlog is always reassuring and comforting.

currently i’m in this situation where i just want to get out of this cr and permashift to my dr asap, but it seems like i can’t stop self sabotaging myself and i’m so so tired of it. last night i was crying my heart out because of how bad i felt about it. i’ve been practicing meditation so i can enter the void and even though it seems like i learned to keep my mind awake and body sleep i haven’t been able to get past that and it’s so frustrating. i know there’s tons of methods and also everyone says i don’t even need one but i idk why i have this idea that i need some method to detach from my cr really printed on my mind. for the self sabotaging part, i can’t help but have trust issues regarding myself and the community, sometimes it’s my intrusive thoughts making me doubt about shifting being real/posible and other’s successful experiences (saying it must have been a lucid dream or they are just making it up and i really HATE and feel guilty to discredit their experiences in that way 😭) and other times my belief in shifting is unwavering but i don’t feel capable of it. i'm not even the kind of person who has ever had any “closer attempts” or mini shifts and has been really hard for me to find what works best for me, meditation is by far what i’ve been trying the most but i’m just so impatient that sometimes i can’t help but feel that i’m going nowhere. my mind is really so stubborn when it comes to trying to change negative thoughts.

sorry for all of this, i don’t have shifting friends or someone i can share this stuff with. i don’t usually tend to feel this way but last night i just kinda collapsed, it crossed my mind that maybe i'm wasting my time and that i should just give up but i don’t want to, if this shii is real i need to experience it no matter what. i want to be with the ones i love and live the life i want. i don’t want to stay here any longer. i want to try loa along with shifting but then again, my intrusive thoughts say that i’ll be just gaslighting myself and all that.

i know no one else can fix these problems for me, but i’m so scared of failure or just being delusional for believing in all of this. sorry again for the long vent, i needed to get this off my chest. love you and your blog so much thala. if you don’t really want to accept this because honestly is like a long ass and probably demotivating ramble it’s totally okay, but thank you for taking the time if you do. hope you keep being happy and having success with everything you do. 😭🫶🏻

hello 💕 please feel free to vent, i don’t mind.

i completely understand your level of frustration, i badly want to permashift too and i have little breakdowns every few months once it catches up to me that nothing has fully worked yet.

the void can take a long time to perfect. i mean monks spend decades learning to meditate! why don’t you try something other than meditation? if you’ve given it a good go and it hasn’t worked, it’s probably not the method for you. i recommend a short break before trying a new method. rn i’m writing an affirmation 100 times a day. but honestly if that doesn’t work i’m straight up gonna lay there and visualize for 8 hours every night. i’m getting out of here no matter what.

try asking yourself what you think will work for you - sometimes we know the answer but we need to sit down and think about it. for example i keep doing affirmations, or short visualizations. but i feel what will make me shift is just laying there and telling myself to stfu and visualize until i’m there, even if it takes hours.

as for the self sabotage, i cope with that by watching my favorite creators and realizing that no one in their right mind would upload years of unpaid content that most people would ridicule us for, all for it to be a lie or joke. especially older shifters. and the other thing i like to do is remind myself that if i shifted and came back, no matter how ridiculous the experience was it’d still be real - so even if you don’t believe someone bc it sounds outlandish, it can still be real.

i’m also scared of being delusional but i simply cannot and will not remain here. there is no other option for me, so i’ll persist forever. the first time i shifted i had no idea id shift. that keeps me motivated, i could feel awful and still wake up in my dr tomorrow.

forever posting this reddit post by someone who shifted after 5 years, this was my fave comment of theirs:

and that motivates me even more - even if it’s fake i’m gonna make it real.

i also struggle with trying to change negative thoughts and my mindset, i’m in my mid 20s this stuff is harder to believe in at this age, and my mind has been tainted by years of bad experiences. but as hard as it is i’m forcing myself to get over it and try everything, bc i just need to shift once and all my bad experiences will be over.

i’m sorry if i gave you a big rant in return haha, but i hope this helps!! 💕 i’m so happy you like my blog and thanks for your sweet words 🥹

[lainpsx]

wanted to make a vent post about my asthma attack yesterday and how my mom handled it.

we were driving home for 3 hours from the airport. my step-father is near deaf and was not wearing his hearing aids. he was blasting country music the entire ride, at around 45 volume (LOUD). He is impatient and was shouting at us throughout the ride, driving recklessly.

My step-sister was in the front seat, vaping with the windows closed. I had been struggling with my asthma the entire day throughout the airport, and I could feel it getting worse over the car ride. I did not realize she was vaping until around halfway through the drive, and started trying to get her attention.

I kept trying and trying to call her name, but she could not hear me with her headphones on. When I started to tap her and call her name louder, my mom told me she was on a phone call and not to do it.

Finally, she finishes her phone call and I tell her that she needs to stop vaping or puff it out the window because it is making my asthma get worse. She says okay and stops.

Around 40 minutes away from home, I realize that my asthma was not improving but getting worse. I had used my emergency inhaler around 6 times at that point. I tell my mom that I am beginning to have an asthma attack. She just keeps looking at Facebook. Twenty minutes later she tells my step-father that he needs to take me home first because I am having an attack. He does not acknowledge her at all (clearly did not hear!). My step-sister notices too and tells my step-father, who again does not respond.

My mom keeps asking me to breathe slower, to drink water, and to calm down. IF I COULD BREATHE SLOWER I WOULD. IF I COULD BREATHE THEN I COULD CALM DOWN. I cannot drink water because I cannot hold a breath long enough to get it down without choking. She continues to ask and ask when I do not respond because I can hardly speak.

By this point, I am seriously struggling to breathe and can feel my legs, arms, and face going numb as the oxygen in blood lowers. Nobody makes any attempt to speak louder so he can hear or to tap him on the shoulder to get his attention. We arrive at our town, and he makes a turn opposite my house and towards his own house.

I ask him, out of breath, where he is going, and he says that he is dropping off his luggage. Nobody makes any protest. My mom is still looking at Facebook. He pulls into the driveway and begins leisurely unloaded the car. My step-sister goes to her car and he goes to her window and says to drive safe & text him when she gets home.

My mom walks over to him and tells him to hurry, but she says it in such a light tone that he does not hear. He continues talking to the step-sister. At this point I realize no one is going to help me so I use all my strength to get out of the car and walk to him. I tap him and use all my power to shout that he needs to get me home right now or I will need to go to the hospital. He shouts back at me that nobody told him. My mom yells at me to say that I am not helping and that I should know he is deaf. We get in the car and I continue to worsen.

Nobody calls my father to tell him that I am in critical condition, so I call him myself and whisper to get my cane and nebulizer ready. We finally get home and he helps me. After using the nebulizer and an hour of rest I recover.

[woozapooza]

So I’ve been slowly working on a post—or, more likely, multiple posts—about why I disliked The Blue Comet and how I would fix it. In the meantime, I want to share a thought about Tony and Melfi’s relationship. See, The Blue Comet depicts Melfi realizing that Tony is a “sociopath.” I’m not convinced that that word actually applies to Tony, either in the simplistic colloquial sense or in the clinical, antisocial personality disorder sense, but whatever, I’m no psychologist. Anyway, as I sort out my thoughts about Melfi’s exit, in which the concept of "sociopathy" is key, I keep thinking about a related insight I’ve had, and that’s what this post is about.

Before The Blue Comet, Melfi only referred to Tony as a sociopath once, IIRC. In Employee of the Month, when she tries to demand more effort from Tony, he resists and deflects. Later, she vents to Kupferberg: “Richard was right. I've been charmed by a sociopath.” At her next session with Tony, she suggests he move on to behavior modification therapy, but by the end of the episode she changes her mind. Haters will say that this was a selfish decision springing solely from her attachment to Tony, appreciators will point out that she was never fully sold on the behavioral therapy idea in the first place and only brought it up due to pressure from Richard and Kupferberg (EDIT: actually I think she might have brought it up initially because Tony was getting impatient, but she was only going to go through with it due to pressure from them, so my point still stands), but it occurred to me that there’s another possible reason, one that I haven’t seen anyone else mention. Okay so, whatever definition of “sociopath” we’re using, a big part of it is a persistent disregard for the feelings of others, right? Well, before EotM, I don’t think Melfi has any direct evidence that Tony doesn’t have this quality. She knows he has good qualities—he feels affection for his friends and family, he’s capable of realizing when he’s done something wrong, he likes ducks—but unless I'm forgetting something, she hasn’t seen him be compassionate firsthand, whereas she has seen him be callous, selfish, and unkind. So, in the final scene of EotM, when she cries and he tries to comfort her, he shows a side of himself that I'm pretty sure she’s never seen before. He’s genuinely upset at seeing her upset. He’s genuinely upset to think that he upset her (he repeatedly asks, “What did I do?”). On top of that, in the same session, he brings the anxiety log she’s been asking him to keep. So in the space of a minute, he demonstrates compassion, kindness, and diligence. Of course she changes her mind about the best course of treatment—he’s just upended everything she thought she knew about him!

To be clear, I doubt she was thinking this deeply in the final scene of EotM. In that moment, her main concern was clearly the comfort she derived from Tony, but I think his behavior in that scene provides a solid in-universe explanation for why she never again tries to hand him off to another doctor until The Blue Comet, without precluding the idea that her personal attachment to him also plays a role. I’m very much reading between the lines here, so this may not have been the intention of the writers at all, but it makes so much sense that once I noticed it, I simply couldn’t un-notice it. 

[asquinate]

I was prevented from getting my eight hours last night so here, take this Wheelclair drabble 12am me did. And I sincerely apologize if you're as traumatized as i was after reading it.

----

“What do you want, Mike?” Lucas asks. He taps his food impatiently on the floor, and he looks a second away from darting back outside. Back to the woods, where he’s been spending more time than at the safehouse as of recently. 

This, of course, only pisses Mike off more. Though he tries his best not to show it, He’s not here to pick a fight. He’s here to show concern for his friend.

"Dude,” he says. “Calm down; I just wanted to talk. Are you okay?”

Lucas frowns. “What?” he says incredulously. “I’m fine; why are you asking?”

Mike’s about to answer because you haven't gotten a good night’s sleep in weeks, because you’re always in the forest, searching, and because I haven't seen you in weeks aside from meetings where you barely talk. But before he can, Lucas speaks again, his tone accusatory.

“Is that why you asked me to meet you? Seriously?!” Lucas starts to yell, his words harsh. “You know I have things I’m doing, like trying to find Vecna with everyone else- I don’t have time for this.” He turns away, seemingly heading towards the door, and Mike acts on instinct when he yells, “Lucas, stop!”

His friend freezes, and the room is silent. There is tension, and Mike has no idea when it became so thick. He has no clue how to get through it. He tries anyway.

“I haven’t seen you in ages, man,” Mike tries. “You’re killing yourself out there with no regard for your health, and I’m sick of it!”

Anger bleeds through, and Mike can tell the exact moment when he loses whatever footing he had in this conversation.

Lucas scowls. “Well, I’m sorry that it's so uncomfortable for you, Mike. I’m only trying to help save Hawkins, but I’ll try to be more accommodating for you,” he snarls. His eyes are so cold and so angry that Mike has to stop himself from flinching. This isn’t about him; it's about Lucas, and he refuses to let Lucas do this to himself any longer. 

“Stop deflecting!” he yells, taking a step forward towards Lucas. ”I know what you’re doing, and you’re helping no one!”

Lucas rolls his eyes. “Fuck off, Mike.”

“You can’t save Max if you’re getting yourself killed!”

A silence permeates again, and Mike quietly wonders if he’s fucked this up again. Lucas seethes and steps forward, dangerously, threateningly until their nose-to-nose and Mike can practically feel the anger coming from his friends.

“What the fuck do you know?” he says.

Mike refuses to let himself be intimidated. “I know that I care about you, and I’m not going to sit around and let you tear yourself apart just so you can find a way to dull the pain you asshole!” Mike yells. He glares back at Lucas, who towers over him. Who looks down at him with so much ire.

Goddammit, why can’t he just see that he’s trying to help him?

Lucas’ eyes bore into him. Layers of emotion and resentment in them as he glares at Mike. Neither dare say a word.

Then Lucas’ eyes dart downward for a second that Mike can’t even comprehend before suddenly a new sensation assaults his senses because, all at once, Lucas is kissing him.

He doesn’t get to comprehend how he feels because all he can focus on is the press of his friend’s body against his, the rough hold Lucas has on his face, and the brutal attack against his lips. Not to mention how terrifyingly good it feels despite those things.

It’s hungry and aggressive how Lucas captures his mouth. He takes, and Mike gives. Because of the wish to help or the pleasure coursing through him, is unclear to Mike as he slowly loses himself to the kiss.

Lucas’ other arm journeys down to his waist and pulls him closer. A firm hold that Mike isn’t sure he could pull away from if tried. Not that he’s sure he would even want to do that either.

They stay like that for how long, Mike doesn’t know. With Mike allowing Lucas to explore his mouth greedily as Lucas seems to vent his frustration in the only way available. 

Eventually, Lucas seems to calm down and pull back. Mike is suddenly hit with the realization that oxygen is something he needs as he gasps for air alongside Lucas, who seems to realize the same thing.

Lucas releases his hold on Mike’s waist and drops his hand from his cheek. Now he only stares at Mike with curiosity. 

Then he takes a breath and walks out of the room. Leaving Mike to try to figure out what just happened.

‘God,’ Mike thinks as he feels his bruised lips with his hand. ‘Oh my god.’

[totaldramafan-lauri]

I just wanna vent out about something.. about golden cheese..

I think I'm starting to lose interest in her, I don't know why but I guess it was the lack of content of her, no offense I wasn't getting bored or anything but.. I'm scared I don't wanna lose feelings for Golden cheese cookie.. I dont wanna let go because I love golden cheese cookie for almost a year now.. well not good compare to you but I'm just scared, I don't know why I'm scared when I lost feelings with fictional characters all the time but golden cheese was an exception.. an exception that is bothering me for awhile, I don't wanna lose feelings of her since I still love her but Im getting real bored of her due to the lack of content..

I may seem impatient and all because of the lack of Golden cheese content that's why I'm venting to a more dedicated fan of Golden cheese, it's you Lauri.. what do I do?.. no offense but I just want advice because I don't wanna get stuck on this stage tha might bother me for awhile..

I love her, I don't wanna let go of this love because of how much time and dedication I took I spent on the crk game on her, I do it for fun events too but all the reason I even joined this game because of her.. I joined because of her, I played because of her! I maxed out her level first this last few months but what do I get? Getting stuck on the loading screen where I can see the golden cheese cookie! and now this heck of a connection keeps saying 'network error connection' when my network is strong and fine, my phone too is expensive and new! Like.. Devsis.. you don't want another boycott do you? Because this is getting too far that you aren't even bothering to fix it..

I'm really sorry Lauri but I'm just so frustrated, I want to max out Golden cheese soulstones and all so I just keep playing.. I eventually got mad.. and maybe have taken my anger on Golden cheese cookie.. and after that.. oh how deeply I regret it because I just blame golden cheese for the Devsis doing.. because oh heck no.. I am and I am going to see my wife!! Like.. why aren't you letting me Devsis! It's been weeks since I logged in due to this error!.. I'm stuck at the LOADING SCREEEENNNN!! Ughhh.. I'm crying so much.. I might even have to delete my account and start over... I just wanna cry... T-T) just.. like it is hard to let me see my wife in-game!?..

Sorry for yapping all that Lauri.. just want your advice on what to do since.. I'm so so sorry for saying all that, I just wanna know if I should just give up or continue pressing that 'okay' button on the screen or just make a new account and delete the new account or something.. Im so sorry if this makes you sad or feel bad. I'm really sorry :(((

.. I'm just so bad and frustrated right now.. I can't even log in and check my golden cheese cookie.. all this is making me tired and it's hurting and making my feelings go away from golden cheese cookie.. oh my gosh.. I just don't.. I don't want to deal with that button that pop on my face like 'network connection error' like it was a taunting me.. I just wanna throw my phone on the heck of a wall or something like that!..

I' might take a break from Golden cheese cookie for awhile, glad that I loved her all these months, and these days.. I'm just so proud of myself for even keeping this up.. Still your fan though, I won't stop reading your fics even if it isn't a golden cheese cookie anymore.. and maybe I might move to FPE fandom anytime soon because I'm just tired of Devsis doing all this.. sorry for all the venting I did.. :(((

For the lack of content....I....I actually understand. Th-the same thing happened with me with Affogato, where.....I-I still love him, and he's still my king, but the fact that next to nothing's been done with him since Odyssey made me kinda lose focus on him over time (I was still MIFFED that he didn't appear in the Matcha update with the rest of the CoD tho XD). With Golden Cheese, tho, it's.....it's different.....I-I'm still hooked on her....so.....i-if you wanna know why, uh.....part of it is my fic, but also....

L-look at it this way. There are a lot - like, a LOT - of characters in CRK. It's impossible to focus on one character constantly when they're always adding more. However, the Ancients are the true main characters of this game, so....they're a case where we KNOW more content is COMING eventually. E-especially with the Beasts. So....th-that's what I keep telling myself. More content of her is coming. I dunno when, but it IS coming....e-even if it takes a while, I'll be there, and....i-in the meantime, the rest of the stories they release will keep me occupied til I see her again....

(That being said, there's also no shame in taking a break from the game until an update that reignites your interest. People do that all the time. XD Not everyone is as hyperfocused as me, and that's completely fine. CRK is actually pretty forgiving to returning players)

S-so....yeah.....it's coming. And....j-just like her promise to her subjects that she'll be back for them, the game has promised us that it'll come back to her in time. Like I said, the Ancients ARE the main characters of CRK at this point (Gingerbrave is just a mascot now, let's be real XD) And....y-yeah, that's how I hold on to hope. TBH, once I fall this hard for a character, usually it'll last me a couple years even with a lack of content - I had a crush on one character based on a single pilot last me FOUR years - so this kinda thing, it's.....it's different for everyone. I-I hope you understand my thought process, tho.....

A-and in the meantime....that's kinda what fan content is here for....like my fic.....so.....I-I guess I should apologize that my fic isn't good enough to keep you interested in her.....I-I really do my best to do her justice with my writing and....to be self-indulgent, but also make it still feel like her.....as in, in-character, so....yeah, s-sorry.....I-I understand that it's been going on for a while, and....i-if your interest doesn't last that long, I understand, OK....? ^^ Th-thank you for reading....

A-and finally.....a-about your error screen.....I-I've had similar happen to me. F-for a few months, I've had problems with my game crashing (oddly, it's gotten BETTER these last two updates. The crashing was worst during the Mystic Flour update), and.....d-during that time, I did have a bit of a scary experience....

Here's how I dealt with it.

(for other people who aren't interest in in-game stuff, don't bother reading under the cut)

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS THE ONLY TIME I WILL ANSWER AN ASK THAT DEALS WITH COMPLAINTS AGAINST DEVSIS. I WILL NOT DO THIS AGAIN. I have endless respect for Devsis and all they've done with CRK, and it's a MAJOR pet peeve of mine when players throw unfair complaints at them for things either out of their control or just calling the game P2W or whatever when it's NOT (except for Grandmaster tier in the arena) and it's just a case of kids being too impatient to handle a game with grinding in it. I HATE things like that. The only reasons I'm addressing it this time is not only cuz it's the first, but also cuz I think I have advice on what to do for this one issue. But I WILL NOT tolerate being yelled at about people's issues with CRK or Devsis. I just wanna talk about Golden Cheese, the characters associated with her, and my fic. THAT IS ALL.

N-now, um.....it wasn't the exact same error you're getting. At least....n-not the wording you're giving me. The "network connection is unstable" error has NEVER lasted that long to me, and it doesn't happen on the title screen. This is probably on your end, not the game's, so please don't make comments about boycotting Devsis. It won't help.

HOWEVER, I have gotten AN error on the title screen before, that wouldn't go away no matter how long I waited. The message was "Failed to load data". I dunno if it's the same one you're getting, cuz I dunno if maybe it's worded differently in other languages or if you're playing in English, but....y-yeah, this is what it was spitting at me. I'd close the game and wait a few hours, but it never went away. The problem is that it never reloaded the title screen. It just stayed there. At least with errors that happen during the game, I can wait an hour and come back. Nnnnnot so much with stuff on the title screen. XD

So....I.....I panicked. And....h-here's what I did.

I deleted the game from my phone, and then reinstalled it. This is NOT the same as deleting my ACCOUNT. My account still existed. I deleted the GAME. Then, when I redownloaded it, I simply just logged back in to my DevPlay account and everything was right where I left it. Th-that's how I survived the biggest scare I've had playing this game. XD

I-I dunno how much this'll help you.....cuz I dunno if it's the same error, and I also dunno how you made your account (like I use DevPlay). B-but.....your issue just....sounded similar to that, so I thought I could t-try to help......I-I'm sorry if it doesn't....

F-for what it's worth, I've been playing this game since 2021, so I....I have a lotta patience with it.....^^;

[darcyfangirlsfrequently]

Meet the Family - chapter 1: Meet the Brothers

Work/chapter summary: After Penelope's brothers reach out and she catches them up one what's been going on in her life, they invite her and her long-term boyfriend, Luke, down for a visit. Hearts are healed, promises are made, and everyone is happy again.

Chapter word count: 989

Can also be read here on Ao3

“My brothers reached out to me today,” Penelope said out of the blue one night as she lay in her boyfriend’s arms.

Luke was stunned. “Oh?” In the two years they had been together, and even two years before they’d gotten together, her brothers hadn’t spoken to her once.

“Yeah. They wanted my perspective on why I had done the things I had done. And apparently, they’ve all been in therapy about it and finally came to the conclusion that they shouldn’t blame me for our parents’ deaths.” “Because they shouldn’t.” 

“Okay, I know that, and you know that, but that’s a hard pill to swallow for them. They were so young…” “Just because you were legally an adult doesn’t mean you weren’t young either,” he argued. “I know, I know,” she replied, trying to appease him. “But anyways. We talked. Worked through it. They asked me what was going on in my life.”

“Oh, and obviously you told them your life is so plain and boring and you have no updates,” he teased.

Penelope shoved him lightly, laughing. “No! I told them about my boyfriend, who is super hot, and awesome, and totally in love with me.”

Luke chuckled deep in his throat. “Is that not how you described your non-existent boyfriend to me when we met?”

“I was predicting the future.”

“Uh-huh. Sure. Okay.”

She rolled her eyes. “You’re so rude. Anyway, we’ve been invited down. They want to meet you.”

Luke’s eyes went wide. “They do?”

“Well, I mean, I mentioned we live together and are planning for the future, so yeah. Also, I’m not going there without you. No thank you.”

“Aw, you love me so much you can’t be without me?”

“No. I want my guard dog.”

He scoffed. “Wow, babe. Feeling the love.”

“Oh, hush, you big baby. Are we going or not?”

“Do you want to see them?”

“They’re my brothers. My family. Of course I do. I miss them. And I want you to meet them. I want my family to know I’ve found the person I’m spending the rest of my life with.”

“Then we’ll go.”

“Really?”

Luke held her a bit tighter. “Yes, Penelope. If you want to see them, you should see them, and wherever you go, I follow. Besides, I need to meet my future brothers-in-law at some point.”

Penelope squinted. “Can you even call them that if you haven’t proposed to me yet?”

“It’s coming. I promise.”

“Well, you’re sure taking your sweet time.” For someone who started the relationship unsure if marriage was ever something she would want, she was quite impatient for the impending proposal.

He kissed her lightly. “Patience, baby. Good things come to those who wait.” He totally wasn’t delaying because he still couldn’t find the perfect ring. Absolutely not.

***

Penelope was a nervous wreck their entire flight over and Luke, ever the doting boyfriend, did his absolute best to calm and comfort her and get her stress levels down. “What if we can’t work through things?” Penelope fretted, hands flapping a bit. 

Luke knew better than to try to hold her hand and prevent her from stimming. It was how she needed to vent her stress. He rested a hand on her knee instead. “Then at least you’ll have tried. If things go well, then great! And if they don’t, then you’ll have done everything you could. You won’t be stuck living with any regrets.”

She rested her head on his shoulder. “You are very good with comforting words.”

“Well, I’ve only known you for six years, and been your boyfriend for two of them, and learned how best to make you feel better.”

She laughed dryly. “God knows I’ve had enough freak-outs in that time to give you plenty of practice dealing with me.”

“You’re not someone I have to ‘deal with,’ Penelope. You’re someone I love and choose to comfort and support.”

She groaned into his shoulder. “How are you so perfect?”

Luke scoffed in response. “You know I am far from it.”

“You’re pretty perfect for me.”

He smiled and kissed her softly. “I’m so glad you think so.”

***

Penelope was visibly anxious as they walked into the arrivals section after collecting their bags. Luke squeezed her hand three times, a silent reminder that he was there. He had her back. He loved her. 

“That’s them,” she whispered, gesturing with her head at four men who were standing off at the side. 

They saw her at the same moment.

“Penelope!” The youngest, Eddie, threw himself into her arms. He was only eight when their parents died and Penelope left, he had missed her the most. The rest of her brothers followed soon after. 

Introductions were made all around and hugs were given. Penelope was a bit worried that Carlos still wouldn’t look at her, but he wrapped her in the tightest hug.

“Hi,” he whispered.

She smiled and hugged him back. 

After all hugs and greetings were exchanged, Penelope found herself tucked back under Luke’s arm. It wasn’t even intentional. They gravitated toward that kind of touch now.

***

Much to Penelope’s relief, things weren’t awkward between her and her brothers. They were just happy to have her back in their lives and were happy that she was so happy with Luke. 

Luke’s presence seemed to lighten the atmosphere, or maybe that was just her perspective. Everything seemed lighter when he was around. 

Carlos began to tease her, which warmed her heart. Things had been the most tense between them, but it was a sign that they were getting back to normal. She had told him, or, rather, “complained,” about Luke when she’d been back for the hearing. Now, she was tucked under Luke’s arm, blissfully in love and planning her life with him. 

Penelope felt a sense of peace she hadn’t felt in years. She had her brothers again. She had Luke. Everything was going to be okay.

[causenessus]

[ 💌 ] INCOMING MAIL !

A LETTER FROM REE — TO — NESS HAS ARRIVED BY CARRIER PIGEON ♡ °⋆ 🕊️🕊️🕊️📮

ANYONE WHO ISNT NESS DNI DNR DO NOT LOOK. SCROLL AWAY I’M ABOUT TO GO TO SAPTOWN AND I AM EMBARRASSED THESE ARE MY DEMONS DO NOT PERCEIVE ME OR THIS ASK EVER. THIS IS FOR ONE PERSON ONLY. AND IT’S SUPER LONG ! YOU DONT WANT TO SEE THIS OR READ IT. LEAVE. THE DOOR IS THAT WAY.

ask/note: the last time I logged on I saw that you weren’t doing so well and attempted to write a suna + noya how they comfort you style fic and failed…MISERABLY. this is probably late and might not be of any use to you but the ghost of letters came over me and it’s spirit is whispering in my ear to write this (it’s my forte: letters, and I’m sure I could do it way better than writing when writers block is hitting more than it’s ever…. hitteth ,,,, <- ignore that)

dear ness,

first of all ! when I say you’re THE sweetest I mean it, so so so genuinely. you exude warmth and kindness and I truly believe without you tumblr would be a dull and soulless platform

second of all ! whenever you say something self deprecating about yourself I feel like knocking someone out. deep desires to harm someone or break something and just violence. crimes of some kind

I KNOW IT MIGHT NOT SET IN FOR YOU BUT IF I NEED TO SAY IT 100x FOR IT TO SEEP INTO YOUR BRAIN PROPERLY I WILL!! I KNOW YOU’RE AN OVERTHINKER!! I’M GOING TO HOLD YOUR HAND WHILE YOU OVERTHINK!!

there is nothing you’ve put out that I’ve ever disliked in the slightest if not loved entirely — when you said wdo inspires a lot of try again, to say I’m honored is a huge understatement and I believe you are out of everyone’s league; you’re an incredible writer and we don’t deserve you (I’m glad we have you though)

besides your writing, I cannot imagine a world nor a universe where I would enjoy tumblr as much as I do without you existing. I hate to mention wdo so much but it’s hard not to seeing that it was the first time we properly interacted sorry 😭 ..by the time I got to working in that fic I didn’t feel like I belonged on here and you made me feel welcomed :) I don’t think I would still be here or have met everyone that I did without you and I can’t ever thank you enough — you are kind and down to earth and so considerate, and I would give you the world if I could <333

third, last but not least, IT IS OKAY TO NOT BE AT YOUR BEST ! if you need a break we’ll be here when you come back !! you were the catalyst that made tumblr my home and if the apocalypse happened and wiped out everyone on the planet I’d be the last one standing — my motivation to survive was to be there for every causenessus post

IT IS NORMAL TO NOT UPLOAD EVERY DAY OR UPDATE FICS !! EVEN PUBLISHED AUTHORS GO MONTHS WITHOUT TOUCHINGN A PIECE OF WORK !! FANFICTION AUTHORS SHOULD BE SPARED!! ESPECIALLY YOU!! you’ve grinded and given us all these great fics, anyone impatient can take that time to go and reread ur other works instead of complain, I’m sure cold kisses and new grounds wouldn’t mind

I hope that no matter what happens outside of this silly little app: ur aware that my dms are open 24/7 and I mean that when I say it. It won’t require an apology or small talk — if you need to vent or a boredom cure I’ll always be here !!! always !!! I’m a no judgement zone and I CARE ABOUT YOU IMMENSELY AND I WANT YOU TO DO WELL ! I WANT YOU TO BE WELL ! I pray this letter feels like a bouquet of flowers on your doorstep with handmade chocolates from and a real sized suna placing it down there to give you the biggest hug of the century because it’s the bare fucking minimum for all the hard work you do (and before you say anything about slacking off, living is hard work — and I think you’ve done a spectacular job <3) ! this ask is the longest I’ve ever sent I think I set a record 🙂‍↕️ at the very least I hope it made you smile :)

with all my love,

ree.

REE THE MOODBOARD???? THE PICTURES???? REE I AM GOING TO SCREENSHOT THIS AND FRAME IT ON MY WALL /GEN I DON'T WORK IN FRAMING FOR NOTHING!! THIS IS SO SO SWEET <3 AND DW OMG :( THANK YOU FOR TRYING TO WRITE COMFORT AND IT'S TOTALLY OKAY IT DIDN'T WORK OUT!! (i am looking at the five discarded fics in my drafts rn)

ree i cannot i'm going to throw up /pos and i've only read the first paragraph!! REE I THINK YOU'RE OUT OF EVERYONE'S LEAGUE <3 you are genuinely so so sweet and creative and just have the most beautiful mind ever the way that you put so much effort and creativity and imagination into every single thing you do like look at this letter!! look at how you formatted it and matched color palettes and i just cannot tell you how thankful i am for you thank you so much ree <3

and omg no don't worry about mentioning wdo too much at all!! REE IT WAS SO GOOD I COULD NEVER NOT BE HAPPY TO SEE A REFERENCE OR READ SOMETHING ABOUT WDO!! and i'm so so glad that i could help you feel more welcome BC YOU'RE LITTERALLY OUT OF ALL OF OUR LEAGUES!!! IT'S LIKE IF I?? IDK LIKE OPENED THE DOOR AND GREETED UMMMMMMM TOM HOLLAND AT THE DOOR?? AND TREATED HIM LIKE A STRANGER AND THEN HE WALKED INTO THE PARTY AND BUSTED IT DOWN AND EVERYONE LIKE KNEW HIM AND CHEERED HIM ON YK??? like you are so amazing!!! you didn't need an introduction you just needed to come into the haikyuu fandom and bless us all with your writing yk !! (i'm so sorry i cannot find the words in my head to describe my vision for what i'm trying to tell you and i have no idea why tom holland was the first person that came to mind but i hope you get what i mean!!!)

and omg please ree thank you so much for reminding me of how okay it is to take breaks and not post everyday <33 you are so so sweet and i hope that you've been doing well after taking your breaks and everything!! i am so sorry it took me so long to get to this BUT I AM SO HONORED TO HAVE RECEIVED THIS LETTER AND I CANNOT BELIEVE I AM JUST NOW SEEING YOU MOVED BLOGS?? BUT I THINK I FOUND IT AND WILL BE FOLLOWING IT ASAP AS SOON AS I FINISH SAP YAPPING IN THIS ASK!!!

ree i cannot tell you how thankful i am for all of our interactions and the memories we've made and for helping me with the stupid "a (technically an)" or "my" struggle during the makings of love notes and for literally just always being there for me!! please know my dms and everything are always always open to you too and i love you so much!! i hope you see this despite already moving blogs 😭 and i'm so sorry i'm just now finding out about it!!!! but you are the literally the best ree i am so thankful for you <33

[spectralquartzafterdark]

In your AoE rewrite does Bumblebee ever call out Megatrons feelings for Rosie? I feel like he and Megatron would at least have thst in common since in my opinion Bee loved Charlie 😭

Ooh I actually have this written!

I was a scout. Observation was my job. To look out for anything suspicious. And I only got better at it when I lost my voice. 

This entire mission had felt like a fever dream. When Sam and Optimus told me to stay with Rosie and Megatrons crew I wasn't happy. I knew logically Megatron wasn't a threat, but I didn't trust him. The only saving grace was the fact Jazz was around to keep things light. Rosie always seemed tense and Megatron mirrored her anxiety. A side effect of their interlink no doubt. 

But as we made our way through the Appalachian mountains - I had noticed a small change in the former warlord. One I recognized all too well. It was something I had experienced. Something I still hold a bit of resentment towards Optimus for. 

Megatron was looking at Rosie as if she were his conjunx. This theory was only solidified when he shut down for the night. I had caught him talking in his sleep a few times. It was always Ancient cybertronian. He could hide how his felt. But his spark couldn't. I took note and recordings. Just in case. 

I understood that all too well. I still missed Charlie. It had been decades - and she still lived in my processors. In my spark. I couldn't let another bot suffer like I do. Even if it was a bot I still held hate for. I wouldn't wish this spark break on anyone. Including my worst enemy. 

So, one day when it was just us and the humans and others were in sleep mode. I motioned for him to follow me. 

“Follow me into the dark~” I kept my radio low and he followed me.

“Bumblebee is there something wrong?” He asked.

I looked to him, I pointed at myself and shook my head before I pointed at him and nodded. 

“Gotta talk.” I played and wiggled. 

“Well what is it?” Megatron was getting impatient. 

“I can hear the things that you're dreaming about. When you open up your heart

And the truth comes out.” 

“What in Primus are you talking about?” I Watched his faceplate contort, “I've not said anything.”

“And I know that I'm right. 'Cause I hear it in the night.” I pointed in Rosie's direction. 

“SPIT IT OUT.” that struck a nerve. I was on the right track.

“I hear the secrets that you keep

When you're talking in your sleep.” I just stared at him.

He went still, I finger gunned at him. I patted my chassis and smiled showing him I understood. 

“She's human… I can't…” He started. 

I shook my head and switched the song, “Tell her you need her too. You tell her clearly. Speak what your heart wants you to.”

I was grateful for Spotify and Sirius radio. It made things easy. 

“I… why help me?” He asked. 

“Charlie.” I looked down and trilled. It hurt, but I knew he needed to know. 

“Ah…” I heard him vent and watched as his stance relax, “Why care about my situation?”

“Don't suffer alone.” I let the radio play. 

I watched his face. As he nodded I felt pride. I didn't trust him nor could I ever forgive him for what he had done to us. To cybertron. But I had faith he was serious about this change. And I would support it anyway I could. 

And another cybertronian who loved a human? That was an ally I couldn't push away. If I couldn't have my person - he should. She was good for him. And I could tell she loved him too.

“Thank you… Bumblebee. I'll tell her when I get a chance.” He finally spoke, “I appreciate the faith you've placed in me. I know our history - isn't …”

I whirred to let him know it was okay. 

“I swear I'll atone. I will do better be better. For cybertron… for her.” He said. 

“You go tiger.” I clapped my servos and saluted him as we headed back. 

I notes Rosie was back up and looked distressed as she sleepily reached for Megatron. He chuckled and picked her up and both got nestled in for the night. 

I could see our future in them. And it was bright. Cybertron would rise again and the Earth would be protected for eons to come.

[yourwworstnightmare]

okay pinned post time!! now a couple of people have messaged me so i think it'll help someone in the future

× you can call me night or blob :)

× autistic as hell, also severe social anxiety so if I'm saying something stupid please just bare with me, I'm just really scared- ALSO a damn yapper when I'm comfortable so get ready for that 🙏

× fandoms that I'm in!: marble hornets, creepypasta, fnaf, cookie run: kingdom, undertale, hannibal, fullmetal alchemist(2003 version), heathers, resident evil franchise, waca, vocaloid and ddlc!

× the creator of:

× the burnt house au. a creepypasta au thats focuses on Jack laughing and my OC Caroline! if you are interested in it, you can find art with the au on the hashtag "the burnt house au".

dni:

× russians, russian supporters.

×. pedos, proshippers.

× vivziepop supporters

please don't!:

× be aggressive with me.

× be impatient with me.

× draw nsfw of my ocs.

× vent to me without asking

please do!:

× ask about my ocs!

× show me your ocs if you want, i will draw them if i can!

× interact with me in inbox :)

[winns-stuff]

LO RANT: Vent Maybe??

Okay you guys already know how I feel about LO Ares, I absolutely hate his damn guts genuinely, you will never ever in your life ever see an appreciation post about him, but I’ve been hearing a lot about the actual Ares, like in the mythologies and stuff and… Every time I think about it I just get so sad.

Like real shit I feel like I’m gonna cry right now as I’m writing this because I’m thinking about it to get my thoughts down. As far as I know he was actually a pretty great guy, like.. Listen I’m not too too deep into the mythologies so I don’t exactly know too much about anything but reading the information that people who know way more than me have said about him he was pretty great yeah.

I’m just so sad now, because he’s SO different from LO Ares and I know I shouldn’t be shocked but I’m just so.. Wow. Why did she make him like that?? Like, nothing about the actual god is even remotely like that and I cannot for the life of me wrap my head around the fact that Rachel made him so disgustingly unbearable. That’s genuinely boggling my mind, I’m perplexed and confused.

But I’m also sad, I think he deserves some actual good representation that’s so sad to me that she just made him THIS bad. I don’t believe he deserved that and it’s sad that many fans will probably believe that that’s how he acts in the mythologies too. That saddens me so much. I feel so bad now that’s insane.

Anyways, yeah.. I guess that’s it and I’m sorry but I’ve said all I need to say about the recent episode, you can read about it in my last rant because jeez is it irking me. I just want to see the nymphs and other characters man, just please leave Persephone and Hades alone for like an hour please so we can go to another story it’s being drug out too much and I’m getting impatient. Also, sex makes me sick..