#okay it’s honestly lone star. lone star hurts and takes me out of it

[galaxywarp]

[lululawrence]

lululawrence's February 2023 Fic List

Previous Fic Lists / Lulu’s List Podcast Masterpost

Happy 28th! It's totally still the 28th... in some time zones... lol I am still working on the amazing Christmas fics that posted this year, but I also read some non-holiday inspired fics as well! And all of them were fab. As always, be sure to show your love and appreciation with kudos, nice comments, and (when applicable) reblogging their fic posts!

syrupy sorrows and gingerbread grief by @adoremelikeasunflower19 / adoremelikeasunflower (68k, NR, Harry/Louis, Christmas fic, friends to lovers, teachers Harry and Louis, coworkers and best friends, jealousy, pining, divorce, emotional hurt/comfort, secrets, pay attention to the tags because there are some abuse, gaslighting, and cheating aspects to the fic that might be triggering, but overall this fic is so cute and sweet and the way their friendship is so perfectly supportive is lovely)

The Top of Your Lungs by @zanniscaramouche / zanni_scaramouche (32k, M, Harry/Louis, sequel/completion of part 1, werewolves, pack fic, omega Harry, alpha Louis, angst, slow burn, violence, fighting, scenting, magic, listen okay the first part of this was impeccable and had me thinking about it regularly for MONTHS until this part could post, it was the perfect ending to the story, SO much pining and angst, and it was just so lovely and wonderful and I love love loved it)

Stole My Heart by @haztobegood / haztobegood (3k, NR, Harry/Louis, meet ugly, humor, chicken nuggets, awkwardness, this fic was SO hard to read but was also so funny I couldn't stop giggling the entire time I was reading it, I had to take a break though because the beginning was written so well that I almost died of secondhand embarrassment lol, so great)

(not) driving home for christmas by @justanotherghostblr / BeautifulWisdom (3k, T, Harry/Louis, Christmas fic, meet ugly, shifter Louis, snowstorm, snowed in, Harry accidentally hits Louis, but he doesn't realize it's Louis, lololol, this fic is so funny and fast paced and the emotions Harry flips through along with the bantery dialogue is fab)

Give it to someone special by @djtommotomlinson / yourlionheartx (10k, G, Zayn/Liam, Christmas fic, meet cute, lonely Liam, sad Zayn, clueless Larry, ot4 celebrating Louis' birthday who invited Liam to join, emotional hurt/comfort, this fic was so SOFT, the love and friendship between ot4 is so wonderful and they welcome Liam in so fully, it's so perfect and wonderful and a lovely ending for all of them)

12 Days of Courting by mission2feelike (23k, E, Harry/Louis, Christmas fic, A/B/O dynamics, alpha Harry, omega Louis, friends to lovers, secret courting, friends with benefits, pining, scenting, nesting, heat/mating cycles, this fic was just like a massive mix of everything that I love in a fic all thrown together, and it was done so perfectly, I loved how clueless Louis was but how much he WANTED it to be real, and just it made me squee a little bit when it all turned out in the end honestly, I loved this fic so much)

From Dust to Lust by @jacaranda-bloom / jacaranda_bloom (45k, E, Harry/Louis, Big Bang fic, road trip fic, enemies to lovers, more like miscommunication to friends to fwb to aching longing messes to lovers, lmaoooo you know whatever works to get you where you gotta go lol, so much banter, flirting, cute old people, dust, bonding, and there's a legit fist pumping moment!, it's so great I love it so much, this fic was so fantastic and had me dreaming of those tiny places in Australia, such a great fic to fall into)

Loved and Lost by @princelyharry / princelyharry (44k, M, Harry/Louis, Big Bang fic, Famous/Non-Famous, Childhood Friends to Lovers, Exes to Lovers, Amnesia, student Louis, Broadway star Harry, angst, happy ending, this fic was a RIDE, I had forgotten it was an amnesia fic by the time it got to that, and it's told in a switch of POV, which is SO powerfully done, it hits so hard and hurts so bad, and you're just SCREAMING for it all to come together and it just, yeah, anyway, SO GOOD lol such a ride too like wow)

Oh Little Town of BATHlehem by @londonfoginacup / LadyLondonderry (2k, G, Harry/Louis, Christmas fic, crack fic, humor, meet ugly, fighting over a plastic bath, this fic omgosh you guys, I could hardly breathe, I screamed in the tags of my reblog, and the comments, and then again at Emmu once I'd finished it, because it might just be my new fav fic by her, it's so funny in genuinely every way, like what even?, and it's so sweet too, I cannot fully explain my love of this fic, just know it is GREAT)

Here where you should be by @lunarheslwt / lunarheslwt (19k, G, Harry/Louis, Christmas fic, A/B/O dynamics, alpha Harry, omega Louis, strangers to friends to lovers, the friends part is... short admittedly but still there lol, the way they both save each other in small but important ways, is so lovely, and such a great basis for their friendship and then SO much more, idiots to lovers, these two are so wonderful I love them)

A Life Turned Upside Down by @chelsea-frew / Chelsea Frew (chelseafrew) (29k, E, Harry/Louis, Big Bang fic, canon divergent, previous mpreg, exes to lovers, deaf character, post-hiatus, kid fic, the way this fic is constructed and how it revolves around the kid and their reconnection, getting past their differences, all of that, it is just, SO wonderful, such a soft and lovely and hopeful fic)

Wake Up! It's Christmas by @megz1985 / Megz1985 (6k, NR, Zayn/Liam, Christmas fic, established relationship, kid fic, adoption, past trauma, healing, domestic fluff, parenthood, beautiful and lovely and so real)

All I want for Christmas is You by @sparklebootsandvans / hlftanna (43k, NR, Harry/Louis, Christmas fic, A/B/O dynamics, alpha Harry, omega Louis, miscommunications, friends to lovers, jealousy, pining, flirting, scenting, dropping, touch deprivation, nesting, fluff and angst, happy ending, this fic is a wonderful mishmash of confusion between characters while trying to get to know each other, pining, the best parts of A/B/O dynamics, and just so much goodness, it makes you wanna shake them but also wanna force them into a closet to kiss and figure their shit out, in the best of ways, lmao it's such a thoroughly enjoyable read)

Once The Dark Divides by @zanniscaramouche / zanni_scaramouche (15k, E, Harry/Louis, childhood friends, friends to lovers, kink exploration, dom/sub dynamics, pwp, this fic, let me just... holy hell y'all, I didn't even mean to read it, not right that moment, I only meant to mark it as to read, but then I wanted to read the author's note, and then I kept reading, and never stopped because I was so immediately pulled in, and it's so hot but it's so much more than just that, it's so emotionally real, and the power struggle, and figuring it out, like Louis' experiences and feelings and confusion as a submissive for the first time feels SO REAL, it's incredible, so sexy, so intimate, I just still don't really have words for it but it's an entire experience, and honestly I feel a little too seen after reading it so I'll stop there lolllll)

The Holes of My Sweater by @harrysmaison / yourdelicatepov (31k, NR, Harry/Louis, Christmas fic, primary school teachers, friends to lovers, Harry is the new teacher, lives quite far from everyone else, he's quite an idiot really but who doesn't love a good idiots to lovers story?, obiously I do based off this rec alone lol, it's a fun story and fantastic pining)

falling in love with the stable boy by @sup3rbloom / haveufoundwhaturlookingfor (6k, G, Harry/Louis, Reverse Bang fic, Royalty AU, Prince Liam, Prince Zayn, Prince Louis, Stable Boy Harry, love at first sight, basically, this fic is so fascinating to read because it is so clear that there's so much world building and story that we don't get as an official part of the fic, but you only get enough to keep going, and i want to know so much about the family dynamics now lol, ANYWAY, an interesting and cute read!)

An Extra Surprise by @beanno28 / Beanno28 (7k, M, Harry/Louis, Christmas fic, established relationship, kid fic, mpreg, mpreg Harry, domestic fluff, the funniest part of the entire thing was how Zayn and Liam so openly teased Louis about his need to claim some of the holiday celebrations for his birthday, and the rivalry between them for the gingerbreads, but also the way they help with the kids etc was so lovely, but all of it was so fluffy and tender and sweet)

Grow as We Go by @larryatendoftheday / larryatendoftheday (7k, T, Harry/Louis, Reverse Bang fic, established relationship, the Ultimatum AU, proposal, angst, angst with a happy ending, this fic holy mother, the way they hit the reason for the breaking point, and how Louis is just so caught off guard and so hurt, and then his realizations that he wasn't perfect either and how he wants to fix it, and just all of it, it is so heartwrenchingly painfully perfect, it feels possible and real, if that makes sense?, but the ending is perfect for that too)

[mamawasatesttube]

So, I'm not a writer, but I am very curious 👀 What do you look for in a fic that features Kon? 👀 What kind of things do you want Kon to do, or experience? 👀 What characteristics of Kon do you absolutely wanna see? 👀 What characteristics of Kon you didn't like but want to see adressed in a fic? 👀 When you're writing, what are three major things about Kon that you MUST INCLUDE NO MATTER WHAT? 👀👀👀 Sorry about the many questions!!!!!

OHHHH this is such a good question okay okay okay. let's see.

what do i look for? primarily, kon having an actual character voice. that's the lowest bar to clear (and yet already takes out... a good chunk of the fics ive seen in the kon character tag 😭😭). he needs to be silly, geeky, deeply kind, earnest, etc. not every fic featuring him will necessarily get into the way he's also existentially lonely and has a Lot of sadness and self-esteem issues (esp after rex leech's roller coaster incident. this has been on my mind today. ough. his self-image never recovered after that one!) but by GOD does he have his issues, so if its a fic going into emotions i want it to do right by his. will def admit thats smth im incredibly picky about.

as for stuff i want him doing? honestly i am here for so much!! i want soft simple character studies. i want action showcasing how fucking powerful ttk can be, especially with a dose of creativity to its use. i want wacky yj space adventures. i want good good whump and hurt/comfort. i want him getting swept off his feet. you could sell me on almost any plot if it's well-written.

re: characteristics... i don't really split them up quite like that, i think! he's a well-rounded character, and that includes both strengths and flaws. ideally, a good fic will include both of these and represent them fairly (like, he's not perfect by any means, and he can do stupid things and struggle with personal issues, but on the other hand very few things tick me off more than portrayals where he's just completely incompetent and dumb as a rock, lmao).

BUT REGARDING MY OWN WRITING. ohhohoohoohooho three things i ALWAYS have to include? a) geek-ass loser (affectionate). i think it is SO endearing and also very humanizing as a quality that he's a trekkie/wendy fan/star wars nerd/etc. b) mixed-race metaphors. they may not be overt depending on the piece but the "child of two worlds that doesn't quite fit into either" thing is Deeply intentional. and c) HES A JUGGERNAUT!!!! i firmly believe adult fully realized kon (a kryptonian, with full kryptonian powers, WITH TTK) is a force of fucking nature. i like this so much and i specifically also always like it when he is at any given moment about 0.4 seconds from freaking the fuck out about how it's Too much strength.

to me, kon is a character made of some very delicious contradictions. he's so painfully human and yet grapples hard with his own personhood and humanity. he's a kryptonian and an alien but he's a child of earth. he's terrified of his own power. he wants nothing more than to protect everyone he loves (and everyone he doesn't love, too). he's always ready to crack a joke or make a silly reference, but he is deeply sad and spent so much of his early life suicidal. he contains multitudes. (and this isn't even getting into my hcs on his gender/sexuality crisis! ksjdhf)

i feel like a gripe i often find myself having when looking for kon fics is that he often gets slotted into the role of "emotional support boyfriend with no personality or role of his own" though, which i guess is why "does he have a distinct character voice?" is my first litmus test for whether i'd want to keep reading or not.

a good kon fic will embrace all his contradictions, i think. (a good fic for any character, really, should show them as well-rounded and three-dimensional.) and i for one love his Problems and Issues, bc man, it's a very fun space to play in! <3

[chaotictarlos]

A future without you is no future at all

ship: Tarlos | fandom: 911 Lone Star | author: chaotictarlos | read on ao3

Rating: General | Warnings / Tags: 4 x 12, 4 x 12 Swipe Left, Self Doubt, Angst, hurt / comfort

Summary: Carlos and TK talk again later that night about kids and Carlos tells TK more about the fears that he has.

Author's Note: Personally, I think that this episode was so good and I really enjoyed watching it. I know some that didn't, and that's okay, but I am requesting that no negativity about the episode be discussed in the comments of this fic. I enjoyed the process of writing this fic and looking at it from both TK's and Carlos' POV. I hope that you all enjoy reading it.

thank you to @meditating-honey-badger for being my beta for this and all of the fun comments you left! I highly enjoyed them.

Season 4 Fic's

----

Carlos doesn’t know what he’s doing when he ends up at the pet store after taking his mother home. His heart is heavy, filled with thoughts of things he had tried so hard not to think about or bring up in his life. He told his mother that he doesn’t avoid things, but the truth is he does.

He avoids the hard conversations and tries to live in the happier moments, not wanting to say or do anything that could upset the balance of what he has in life. It’s not the best way to live or cope with the traumas he’s tried so hard to pretend he doesn’t have. He knows that, but it’s gotten him through so much of life already that it’s become second nature.

He wants to stop doing that. He’s not sure how but he knows he needs to figure it out, for his sake and TK’s.

Carlos drums his fingers across the steering wheel, thinking as he peers out the window at the pet store. It’s not one he’s been to - honestly he’s only ever been to one - but it’s the one that came up on Google when he searched “where to get pet lizards near me.”  He knows that it’s not the solution to the problem, but he hopes it’s a symbol of how much he cares about TK.

Maybe it’ll help them bridge the chasm - as TK had put it - that opened up between them since the kid topic came up - a topic he had hoped naively would not come up for many years. 

He sighs heavily, letting his head drop back against the headrest, and closes his eyes. His body feels heavy, shoulders tense with anxiety, tears prickling at the corners of his eyes because he’s sure that this is the end. This is what’s going to break him and TK, the difference of opinions on wanting kids, and Carlos won’t even blame TK. He can’t give him that, not yet and maybe not ever.

He sniffles, wiping his eyes, and forces himself out of the car, telling himself that a lizard might be a good compromise for the moment, maybe an olive branch to open the conversation he knows he needs to have with TK. If TK decides that Carlos being unsure and not ready to have kids - and maybe never being ready - is the deal breaker then at least TK can have a lizard to keep him company. It might be a better company for TK anyway, at least it wouldn’t break TK’s heart and make stupid decisions like buying an entire loft without talking to him.

Carlos pauses at the doors of the pet store and composes himself, pushing everything down once again and putting a charming smile on his face. 

He is not going to run away screaming at all the reptiles the place probably has.

READ ON AO3

tags: @strangefurychaos @sapphire11 @first-kanaphan @noxsoulmate @rangergurlgleek1211 @detective-giggles @tarlos-spain @lonestardust @bubblesandroses8 @thebumblecee @mooshkat @importantbailiffpaperpony @cowlos-reyes @meditating-honey-badger @paperstorm @otter-love-asl @kiloskywalker @angeltk @firstprince-history-huh @brouill3r

[anewkindofme]

i started watching 911 because of your tumblr and i’ve almost on the new season. it’s such a quick bingeable show i love it. the eddie and christopher father-son dynamic is such an integral dynamic for me in the show. but i think how buck is with christopher takes the cake for me. i’m so soft for all of them, let them be a family🙂‍↕️

I’m so glad you enjoy the show!!

Honestly, similar to Lone Star, the family dynamics of the show is what drew me in. First Bobby & Buck. Then I watched like a ton of videos showing all the scenes of either Eddie & Christopher and Buck & Christopher and was sold.

Honestly, my pull to both series is the vulnerability of men and that of teaching their sons that it’s okay to be vulnerable and feel things. As well as just be soft with them overall. I go back to watch the scene where Christopher gets hurt on the skateboard too often. Because while most dads would be telling their sons to “toughen up”, Eddie is freaking out about him being hurt.

Don’t get me started on how both Eddie and Buck break generational curses with Christopher and in a way, heal their inner child by being the dads they needed. And then how in a way it starts the healing journey between Eddie and his dad?? Just??? Most shows could never.

But I wasn’t even surprised because for all his faults, Ryan Murphy does fathers and sons very well. Burt and Kurt from Glee have one of the healthiest father/son relationships I’ve ever seen. Same with Burt and Finn.

Anyway, could rant forever. I hope you continue to enjoy it!

[chicgeekgirl89]

Will You Take What’s Left of Me?

Fandom: 911 Lone Star

Characters: Carlos Reyes, T.K. Strand

Summary: “T.K., you have to understand,” he says, clinging desperately to his fiancé’s hands, as if holding him there will keep their relationship from falling apart. “I didn’t think I would ever be in love. I didn’t…T.K. I didn’t think anyone would ever want me. It seemed so impossible and I was scared of losing the love I did have from my family, my friends. I never imagined…I didn’t know love could be like this. I didn’t know it was something I was allowed to want. I didn’t know I could have you.”

A/N: Hi, hello, this is me trying to make sense of the mess Tim left us and honestly I'm not sure I figured it out because WOW it's a real big mess this time. I was going to write a Valentine's Day fic, but you get this instead so...sorry about that lol. I know there are probably several dozen of these out there, so if you're taking the time to read mine, I really appreciate it! Enjoy!

Read on AO3

Carlos can’t remember the last time he threw up, but standing in the fire house, waiting for T.K. to get back, he thinks he might today. His stomach has been tight and pinched ever since the phone call from the venue and his mouth tastes coppery. He’s shaky and nervous, fingers playing with the buckle on his belt as he waits and waits and waits.

His anxiety only worsens when T.K. finally steps out of the rig, all smiles and sunshine, his hair damp from the freak storm that just blew through. Carlos is going to hurt him, he’s going to wipe all that happiness right off T.K.’s face, and the knowledge has bile climbing up his throat. 

He follows T.K. up the stairs and into the bunk room, away from the prying eyes of their friends who are probably joking about a lovers spat over wedding planning. If they knew the real reason, he’d probably be run out of the firehouse and told never to return.

“What’s wrong?” T.K. asks as soon as the door is closed, eyes searching Carlos’ frame for any sign of injury. “Are you okay? You’re supposed to be at lunch with your mom. Is she—“

“We’re both fine,” Carlos assures him.

“Okay.” T.K. looks at him curiously. “Then why do you look like that? Did something happen on a call?”

“No I—“ The moment is here, but the words stick in his throat. He doesn’t know how to say this.

“Hey.” T.K. moves into his space looking really worried now. He moves his hand soothingly up and down Carlos’ arm. “Take a breath.”

Carlos inhales, shaky and sick feeling, then takes T.K.’s hand, leading him over to one of the beds. It’s probably better if they’re both sitting down for this. 

T.K. sinks down onto the mattress while Carlos settles onto the divider.“I have to talk to you about something,” he manages. “And I need you to just listen and know that I am so sorry.”

“Okay.” The look in T.K.’s eyes has grown wary. “Carlos, you're scaring me.”

He can’t put it off anymore, so he takes another breath and forces the words out. “T.K. I’m already married.”

He watches as the statement sinks in, sees the surprise and confusion play through T.K.’s eyes. He blinks a few times. “What?”

“I’m already married. To a woman.”

T.K. draws back, face darkening as he processes the news. He stands up and walks a few steps toward the bathroom before turning around to face Carlos, hands on his hips. “I don’t understand.”

“It was long before I ever met you,” Carlos says quietly, as T.K. starts to pace back and forth. “I got married to someone, a woman, and never filed for divorce. And we can’t get married until I do. I should have told you a long time ago and I am really, truly sorry that I didn’t.”

He expects T.K. to walk out, even though they’ve worked on the way they fight over the last few years; he wouldn’t blame his fiancé if he threw all their progress out the window and went storming down the stairs to complain to everyone within earshot how much of a hypocrite and an asshole Carlos is as he haltingly tells T.K. the details of why he’s messing up their marriage before it even starts.

But T.K. stays, thank god he stays, and they talk, and there is forgiveness and love on his face and then brilliant joy when Carlos tells him about the venue. And by the time Carlos is walking back out to his cruiser they still have their relationship and a deposit down on the venue.

He should feel free, but he doesn’t, because saying it out loud has made him realize that what he’s done is even worse than he’d thought in his head. How hard would it have been for him to get in touch with either of the Blake sisters over the last few years? Why couldn’t he have picked up a damn phone and texted or called?

And then there’s T.K. Their discussion had ended well, and T.K. had seemed okay, but what if it’s made him start to rethink things? They’ve worked so hard on their communication since the loft purchase, but what if T.K. feels like Carlos has broken all of that down again? What if he’s decided he can’t trust him anymore? Honestly, Carlos wouldn’t blame him. He’s not sure he can even trust himself right now.

The thoughts spin over and over in his mind, twisting and turning, and never resolving themselves. It’s exhausting and by the time his shift is over he feels completely wrung out. Raw. Like if someone even looks at him the wrong way right now he might break.

T.K. is cooking breakfast when Carlos trudges through their front door. “Oh,” he says in surprise. “Hi.”

“Hi,” T.K. responds amiably as he drops something into a skillet.

Carlos searches his face for any storminess. “I um, I thought you might be sleeping already,” he says.

Sometimes they wait up for each other after an overnight shift, but even then it typically results in whoever gets home first being passed out on the couch by the time the other person walks through the door.

“And I thought you might be hungry,” T.K. says, stirring what looks like a pan full of eggs.

Carlos sets down his bag and slips off his shoes, putting them away neatly before slowly walking over to the counter and dropping down onto a stool. He massages his forehead in an attempt to remedy the throbbing headache that has bloomed behind his eyes.

Without him even asking, T.K. opens a cabinet and takes out a bottle of Tylenol, then fills a glass with water and slides both across the counter to him.

“Thanks,” Carlos says gratefully, swallowing two pills and then fiddling with the now half full glass in his hands. 

“Do you want a shower before we eat?”

He shakes his head. “No, I might workout later.”

“Okay. How was the rest of your shift after the carnival?” T.K. asks instead.

“Fine,” Carlos tells him automatically. “Yours?”

T.K. shrugs. “Nothing else out of the ordinary, thank god.”

He dishes up eggs and a side salad and Carlos follows him to the table. 

T.K. takes a couple bites while Carlos sort of swirls the eggs around his plate. He doesn’t feel like he can eat right now. “Are you not hungry?” T.K. asks when he notices.

Carlos shakes his head. 

T.K. sets down his fork. “Do you want to talk about it now? So you can feel better and then eat?”

Leave it to T.K. not to miss a trick. Although honestly he’d rather not talk about it ever again if he can help it. “Was breakfast just a ruse to soften the blow when you tell me you’re mad and we should cancel the wedding?” Carlos says, having to clear his throat that’s thickening with tears. He wouldn’t blame T.K. in the slightest.

“What? No,” T.K. says, looking horrified. “Breakfast was because I know you, and I know you spent the rest of your shift castigating yourself about all of this. I thought it might be good for you to come home and relax.”

“Oh,” Carlos says, feeling lost in that.

“Carlos, I want to marry you. Okay? Nothing about today changes that,” T.K. tells him, reaching across the table to hold his hand. “But I am definitely…having some feelings about all of this and clearly you are too. I think we need to talk it out.”

“So you are mad,” Carlos says quietly.

“Maybe a little?” T.K. admits. “But I think I’m more…hurt I guess. Surprised. Disappointed that you waited so long to share something so huge with me.”

“I’m sorry.” The words are hardly more than a whisper, he can’t say any more because of the awful feelings that are rushing through his blood right now.

“I know you are. You apologized like four times before you even told me about Iris.” 

Carlos wants to sink through the floor, he wants to turn back the clock to that day all those years ago when he made such a dumb choice. “Everything you’ve told me, everything we’ve promised to each other and I just…I fucked it all up.”

“Well, you’re about to marry the king of fucking it up, so I can relate,” T.K. says, quirking half a smile as his thumb brushes back and forth over Carlos’ knuckles. “It was a long time ago, Carlos. We all do stupid things when we’re young. I did way stupider things than jump into marriage with my best friend.” 

“I married her when I was young and stupid,” Carlos says. “I lied to you when I was old enough to know better. What’s my excuse for that?”

“I don’t know. You tell me.”

He can’t. He doesn’t know how. 

T.K. gets up and moves to the chair next to Carlos’, his hand finding Carlos’ thigh. “Hey,” he says, trying to catch Carlos’ gaze. “Tell me what’s going on in your head.”

Carlos hesitates, trying to pin one down one of the anxious feelings swirling around in his gut and attach it to a rational thought. “I don’t think I knew how to tell you. I’m embarrassed and ashamed that I ever tried to be that person. I wish he didn’t exist. And the longer I put it off, the easier it was to pretend it didn’t matter. That it wasn’t even real.”

T.K. nods. “I can understand that.”

“I mean, when we first started dating you were ready to run at the drop of a hat. If I had told you then, do you really think you would have stuck around?”

“That’s a fair point.”

“And then we moved in together and things were just so…good. I didn’t want to mess that up, and for all I knew you didn’t even want to get married and it would never matter. And then the fire and I bought the loft and made you feel so awful and I…” he feels terrible bringing that up again, but he can’t seem to stop the flow of words tumbling out of him. “I didn’t know how you’d react. And then your mom died and then your dad got hurt and then we were engaged and you were just so happy, and this is all one giant excuse after another, and I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I should have just told you.”

T.K. moves again, sliding into Carlos’ lap, one hand cupping the back of his neck, the other coming up to brush a tear from his face. “Breathe,” T.K. says quietly. “You’re safe. You’re here with me.”

Carlos sucks in a shuddering breath, focusing on the comforting feel of T.K.’s body against him, the soothing sound of his voice. “Better?” T.K. asks after minute.

“Come here.” T.K. takes his hand and walks him to the couch so that they’re more comfortable, legs pressed together, hands entwined. He looks at Carlos for a long moment, eyes searching him, like he’s trying to peek inside of Carlos’ head. “Tell me everything,” he says softly. “The whole story.”

When Carlos hesitates T.K. reaches up and runs a thumb across his cheekbone. “You can trust me with this. I promise.”

And then he waits, giving Carlos time, not pushing, not demanding, just letting him gather his own thoughts and feelings. 

“Iris and Michelle lived down the street from us, so we’d been friends basically our whole lives,” Carlos says softly, not meeting T.K.’s eyes. “Birthday parties, church stuff, the Blakes were always around. Iris was the first person I told about maybe being gay and she just said ‘cool’ and then pulled out a magazine and made me point out all the guys I thought were hot.”

T.K. smiles at that and it encourages Carlos to keep going. 

“I was nineteen,” he says. “And I was…so lost T.K. You have no idea. You have to understand, I didn’t know a single gay person. Not one. Austin is pretty progressive but it’s still Texas. Figuring out I was gay was terrifying, and I had no one to talk to about it, no example to follow, or anyone to ask questions.

“I had told my parents about being gay, but not the rest of my family. And I was constantly being bombarded by them and everyone else in our community to date, to find a woman, to talk about my future, my plans.”

He feels tension creep down the back of his neck and into his shoulders as the memories come back full force. He can hear and see them so clearly it’s like he’s living them all over again.

“So Carlitos, are you seeing anyone?”

“What about that nice girl Iris you’re always hanging out with?”

“A real man gets what he wants.You just have to put yourself out there and not take no for an answer.”

“I have a friend who has a niece, you two would be so cute together!”

“You know your cousin Eduardo was engaged by the time he was your age.”

“Now why can’t a nice boy like you find a sweet girl?”

“I’m sure all the girls at school were just falling all over themselves to get at you.”

“That sounds really tough,” T.K. says. 

Carlos nods. “The pressure was unbelievable. I would sit in church between them every weekend, watching them all nod and agree with everything the priest said and I felt so small. Wrong. Like I was hiding something dirty and awful and I just couldn’t…I couldn’t take it anymore.

“Iris and I were drunk one night,” he admits, another twinge of shame squeezing at his gut. “I was bitching to her about it. And she grabbed my hand and she said, ‘maybe you and I should get married.’ She’s always been kind of impulsive, but I thought she was kidding. She wasn’t. We went down to the courthouse the next morning.

“I thought my mom was going to kill me when I told her. And then I thought Michelle was going to kill the both of us, but Iris somehow smoothed it all over. We moved in together, got a two bedroom place, and,” Carlos shrugs, “that was it.”

“So what happened after that?” T.K. asks. “How did you get from being married roommates to where you are now?

“It was good at first but then Iris got a boyfriend, started staying over at his place more. She ended up moving out and then a year later things started to go off the rails for her. She wouldn’t come over, wouldn’t answer my calls, and I just kind of…let her go. If I’d known she—“ Carlos shakes his head. “I should have tried harder.”

“You had no way of knowing she was sick,” T.K. says gently. “Friends drift apart. It happens.”

“When she disappeared and the months went by, I was sure she was dead T.K. I know the statistics. The odds said that if ever did find anything, it would be a body. I had reconciled myself to that and then when Michelle found her, I just…I don’t know. It was like I had already closed the door on that part of my life and I didn’t know how to deal with it being open again. The longer I put off trying to figure it out, the easier it was to pretend it didn’t matter. That it wasn’t even real.” 

He takes a shaky breath and looks up, meeting T.K.’s eyes, searching them for love and safety. “T.K., you have to understand,” he says, clinging desperately to his fiancé’s hands, as if holding him there will keep their relationship from falling apart. “I didn’t think I would ever be in love. I didn’t…T.K. I didn’t think anyone would ever want me. It seemed so impossible and I was scared of losing the love I did have from my family, my friends. I never imagined…I didn’t know love could be like this. I didn’t know it was something I was allowed to want. I didn’t know I could have you.”

He sniffs, a tear slipping down his cheek and T.K. moves immediately, pulling Carlos into a hug. “You have me,” T.K. whispers to him. “I promise you have me. You’re not alone anymore.”

He lets himself be held for a minute, soaking in the warmth and security, even if he doesn’t deserve them. “I don’t even know who I am right now. I’m such a coward,” he says wetly when he pulls back.

“You’re not a coward,” T.K. tells him firmly, running a hand through his curls. “You were protecting your heart. Sometimes that makes us do crazy things. Like storm out of romantic dinners or break up for four months because of a spontaneous home purchase. And you do not need to apologize again for that either,” he says quickly when Carlos opens his mouth to do just that. “That one’s in the past. And soon this one will be too.”

His eyes turn serious. “Baby, sometimes you try so hard to keep everyone happy that you end up coming around the other side and hurting people instead, yourself included. We have to find a way for you to stop doing that.”

“I know,” Carlos says, the truth of those words hitting him in the center of his chest. “I will.”

“We will,” T.K. corrects. “It’s you and me Carlos Reyes. We’re in this together now. Well, you, me…and your wife.”

Carlos looks up to find him smirking, pleased at his joke and the pressure inside him lifts a little. “Not funny.”

“A little funny,” T.K. says, holding up his thumb and forefinger an inch apart before he leans in and kisses Carlos. “Are there pictures from this wedding? Does your mom have an album? Can I see it?”

“I told you, my mom wasn’t there. It wasn’t a real wedding T.K. I wore a button up that was too big and an old pair of my dad’s dress shoes.”

T.K. runs his fingers through Carlos’ curls. “Not this time,” he says. “This time it’s going to be real.”

Carlos finally touches him back, resting his hand on T.K.’s bicep. “Please tell me you understand that you didn’t do anything wrong in this. That I fully recognize that I screwed up and I take responsibility for all of it.”

“Oh I’m aware,” T.K. says with a laugh. “This one’s all on you and your people pleasing tendencies. Honestly, this whole thing is so Carlos Reyes I’m shocked I didn’t see it coming.”

He mindlessly toys with Carlos’ earlobe. “I forgive you Carlos. For all of it.”

Carlos heaves out a breath, finally feeling relief after so many hours of stress. “Thank you. I—just thank you.”

T.K. presses one more kiss to his lips, then pats him on the cheek. “Come on. The eggs are cold. I’ll make you new ones and you can watch and complain about how egg prices have skyrocketed.”

He follows T.K. into the kitchen and watches him work, just as sweet and wonderful as always. He’d once told T.K. that he wanted all of his pieces, and that was true. He does. He just hadn’t thought that T.K. would want all of his own messy pieces in return. It turned out he was wrong. If there was anyone he could trust with the parts of himself he’d tried to hide away, it was Tyler Kennedy Strand. 

[mistwraiths]

4 stars

LOTS OF SPOILERS AHEAD

Chain of Gold is set in the early 1900s, following the children of Tessa Gray and Will Herondale, along with Cordelia Carstairs. Like all of Cassandra's books, it's an ensemble cast and it's written to enjoyably enough to devour it pretty quickly. This book was just okay to me, I actually found it to be a bit slow and dragged in places. Some of things that happened seemed to be a little too convenient or contrived to have more drama too it.

The whole demons attacking in daylight and passing along a terrible poison that no one could cure and was killing Shadowhunters was very interesting. However, it felt like we only had two Shadowhunters die so honestly it didn't feel like much of a threat level. Oh several were injured and in a magic sleep, but I would have liked some more actual loss and fear there. Along with the two that died, one was an actual child of one of the characters in the Clockwork series and it was strange that the death itself didn't have that much of an impact on the characters? Especially since they were related and one character was the sibling!! It just felt so odd that it didn't feel like much of a big deal, especially Thomas who we know he's grieving but it's not really given to us. So, I'd actually have liked more danger and death and it's impact.

Will Herondale and Tessa Gray have NEVER been my favorites, but shockingly their children are pretty okay all things considered. James Herondale isn't particularly my favorite on his own however the two things he's involved in are very intriguing to me. First, I do love that Tessa's demon blood has consequences in her offspring and has set them apart. The fact that James can go into a shadow realm of sorts, basically a demon realm his demon grandfather controls, is very cool and I love that the whole demon stuff was used to capture him and get him to become his heir basically. I'm also super interested in the whole bracelet binding him and how he can't remember how or why but he loves Grace Blackthorn. I want to know more about it! I want to see that part played out more.

Lucie feels a little too young and naive/innocent for me to really love her, especially if she's supposedly a trained Shadowhunter etc. But I do like her and I'm interested to see more of her. Especially since she can command ghosts and saw Jesse Blackthorn, and has promised to raise him from the dead.

I loved the Blackthorns in the Dark Artifices and you know, I still love them now. I loved Jesse and I'm obsessed with Grace Blackthorn. I think it's easy to think her cruel and callous and conniving, but I think she's a victim and possible a part of her upbringing. What has she had to do and deal with to survive Tatiana and the necromantic magic and demons brought around.

I also very much love the Carstairs and I do like Cordelia. I like that she wants to be a hero. I don't like that Cordelia has two nicknames that are actual completely different names: Daisy and Layla. It just feels unnecessary because I'm already trying to remember who is related to who and what their last names are, etc so more names just make more confusion. Cordelia is in love with James and while they're both the old usual "there's no way they could like me" about each other occasionally, it is clear to us that James also loves Cordelia. Although the bracelet might not fully let him. I love a good tragic romance however this wasn't doing anything for me. I actually don't really like James and Cordelia together, other than that very hot make out session that was done well, they don't really click for me. I could take back my words later for sure but for now, I don't really care about Cordelia's love for James not being reciprocated.

I like Alastair as well, and did not expect there to be drama involving a lavender engagement situation. My heart hurts for Alistair because I think I bullied lonely boy became the worst version of himself and a terrible bully, and he's still dealing with the consequences. He doesn't deny any of the things he did, in fact he does apologize or asks if they can be put behind them. Honestly, that whole part where everyone got mad at Alastair for what he said was a little ridiculous for me. We're really not told how old they are when they were at the academy but I think maybe it's like 13??? Maybe a year or two older, because there was time between them getting expelled and not being old enough to go to Enclave meetings. But, my thing is what teenagers especially on the younger end, not say shitty things about people and their mothers? The whole part where Thomas was like "my mom cried, my sisters shamed". Excuse me, who is telling a grown ass woman teenager bullshit from school and why is happily married Sophie bothered???? Also his sisters are older than him so how were they affected if Alistair when to school with the boys? That thing was just silly to me. People aren't what they say or do in high school. If they own up to it and apologize and act better, all things Alastair was doing, I don't think it matters.

I'm very interested in Matthew because we don't get a lot about him and I want to know more. It's obvious that he also likes Cordelia and honestly it feels so similar to the Tess, Will, and Jem thing that it makes me very sad. I actually like Matthew and Cordelia interacting and I know I'm probably doomed rooting for them but I am.

I LOVED Anna. Thomas and Christopher were both good characters that again I'm begging for more to understand them. I did have a really hard time remembering how they were all related and who is whose cousin or sibling or parent.

The last hundred pages were a bit messy and dramatic to me. Especially Cordelia's excuse as why James couldn't have burned the house down. WHEN I TELL YOU I WAS SO EMBARRASSED. Of COURSE James is noble enough and indebted to marry her so her reputation isn't ruined. It makes the most sense. I don't love it but I'm going to see how it goes. Very interested in seeing what Tatiana and Belial have planned. I also had a little issue of when James almost died and Cordelia was like "life would have no meaning" and I think that's a terrible message in general. It would be devastating to lose someone you loved but life always goes on and life has meaning regardless of love.

Overall, it was a good book but nothing really WOWED me.

[zepskies]

Aw man, I absolutely loved this chapter, but it also made me dread the finish line...

The opening after the dream was, unfortunately, everything I thought they would do to Ben. 😭😭

There are other punishments, too, but nothing as bad as what the Commies did to him. American pussies…

I snorted at this line lmfao. Ben would have that thought.

But you shocked me entirely with Stan Edgar coming into the picture. I knew however, that whatever that deal was going to be was gonna be fucked.

Those few molecules of realness were life-supplying in the literal sense.

I just loved this line.

“Just let me say this, alright?” Ben interjects and gulps nervously. Being locked up and lonely for months, he’s had plenty of time to think about his mistakes and find ways to fix them. “I’m so sorry for what I did, Y/N. I was, uhm… hurt, and I lashed out, and this should’ve never happened. I know people don’t forgive and forget. Trust me, I know… But still, I’m hoping you can. Just this once? You think you can do that?”

I'm honestly surprised that he laid all of this out as honestly and vulnerably as he did. I'd half expect him to partially resent her for leaving him behind. That's some amazing character development. 💚

Ben doesn’t care if the world forgives him for his sins. He doesn’t care if God or what- and whoever forgives him. He doesn’t care about the people he hurt in the past. He doesn’t care about the lives and families he’s destroyed. He knows he’s done wrong – a lot of wrong – and he also knows he can never ever fix any of it.

This is all very interesting and feels very real for him to conclude about himself. All he cares about at this point is if she forgives him and takes him back.

After all, it’s the first time in his long life he’s doing a big Soldier Boy Apology Tour.

lmfaooo it's about time!

The dam then breaks, but he’ll be damned if he lets her witness a single tear. Instead, he pulls her close to his massive body and presses his lips on hers. He kisses her so hard that they both see not only stars but different galaxies altogether.

My heart was so damn full while reading this part of the scene, and everything that came after. 💚💚 Clearly she was still hung up on him just as much as he was on her.

But I also thought it was great that he acknowledges that she is the only friend he's ever had, not just the love of his life. That's just beautiful right there. 🥹

Y/N nods in his palms and hugs his hands with her own. “Are you alright? What did they do to you? Did they hurt you?” “I’m fine,” Ben assures her but knows Y/N won’t buy his lie. “Don’t worry about it. I’m fine now, okay?”

Gahh. This didn't rip at my heart at all. 😭😭

“Like Sid and Nancy?” Y/N grins teasingly up at him. “Or Ross and Rachel? Beyoncé and Jay-Z? But without Becky…” “I have no fucking clue who those people are.” He chuckles, placing another kiss on her cheek. “But yeah, like Sid and Nancy. Bonnie and Clyde. Whatever you want, doll.”

🤣🤣🤣 I fucking loved this entire exchange. Forever let's make jokes that go over Ben's old-ass head.

“Ben!” “Alright, don’t get hyster–” At her glare, he abruptly stops mid-sentence and swallows thickly. “Calm down, okay? I can handle it.”

Also had me dying! At least he's curbing those asshole tendencies. But now this deal is a freakin' suicide mission for real. Stan and Mallory and the rest of the CIA definitely want Ben to die.

And now that she wants to go with him, I'm very scared that one of them are going to be collateral damage here. My hopeless romantic heart is definitely going to suffer, I can already feel it. 😭 But like I said last time, I'm ride or die with you on this story. I'm here until the end!

Rehab – Chapter 7

Series Summary: Thanks to Soldier Boy, the CIA was able to develop Project Bloom under the fierce leadership of Grace Mallory: a final cure to Compound V and a hopeful end to the supe epidemic three years after the explosive incident at Vought. A secret rehab facility in Upstate New York is supposed to help former heroes find their way back to humanity. The catch, though? Soldier Boy has never fucking agreed to any of this shit and is surely not happy about being powerless for the first time in his goddamn long life.

Pairing: Soldier Boy/Ben x Female!Reader

Warnings: +18, language, light smut, fluff, angst

Word Count: 4.5k

A/N: Thank you guys so much for all the warm responses (and loud screams) last week. Feels good to be back and cause some chaos here. Enjoy this one! It's all downhill from here 💚

Feedback is my fuel 🖤

<< Chapter 6 || Main Masterlist || Series Masterlist

Chapter 7: make up sex

Ben carefully traces the marks on her skin with his fingertips, her naked back illuminated by the soft spring morning glow that streams in through the window. Tenderly, he kisses a path down her shoulder and hears her giggle at the tickling of his beard.

He loves her. Yet, she’s too good for him. Maybe he could change, though. He feels the endless possibilities pumping through his veins.

“Morning, my love.”

Ben smiles when she stretches her limbs with a blissful yawn and turns to face him. He leans down and claims her lips in a bruising kiss as if they were his newest addiction. Who knows? They might just be.

“Morning, stud.” Y/N’s smile is brighter than the sun and lights the way to his dark heart. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, doll.” Ben kisses her deeply and swallows the cute little giggles that escape through her mouth, his heart full of happiness.

Ben wakes cruelly as a bucket of ice water is dumped over him and hits him full frontal. He shivers as he wipes the remaining water out of his face, hair, and eyes with the hem of his dirty white t-shirt before blinking and glaring at the guard with the sadistic smile in front of him.

“Morning, shithead.” The guard snickers and slides a tray of runny eggs over to him. “Breakfast.”

It’s been six months since the former supe has last seen Y/N. After his outburst, they put him down like a wild dog with rabies, but Ben wasn’t one for giving up. He tried five more times to escape the rehab facility and killed three nurses before they threw him into solitary. He’s proud of that number. He’d never forgive himself if he went down without a fight.

A part of him hoped they’d kill him for it, but his luck has apparently run out.

Ben’s been imprisoned in this bleak cell ever since. He didn’t even know this place existed. It’s located deep underground in the clinic’s basement. There’s no sun and no warmth. There’s only him, gray and cold concrete, fluorescent lights, and a whole bunch of nothing. The scratch marks on the wall tell him he’s been here nineteen weeks.

His beard is unkempt and wild, as is his hair. He hasn’t seen a mirror in an eternity, but he probably looks like a caveman by now. Reeks and feels like one, too. The only showers he gets are the ice baths that wake him every morning. Unfortunately, that’s not the only torture they’ve thought of. There are other punishments, too, but nothing as bad as what the Commies did to him.

American pussies…

“There’s someone here to see you, champ,” the guard says as he comes to collect the empty tray.

Ben tried to starve himself once before, but that only got him a tube stuffed down his throat. Whoever’s in charge clearly wants to keep him alive and suffering.

There’s a jolt in his gut that bounces to his forlorn and desolate heart, a shimmer of hope burning brightly inside of him that direly wants to convince him that the love of his life has found him. A drop of precious water in the concrete desert. And if she’s not getting him out, at least she’s visiting.

By now, he knows that’s not the case, though. In fact, he’s pretty damn sure Y/N doesn’t even know he’s here, living her life topside, outside, and carefree. Free of him.

A vicious circle that keeps repeating itself.

“I don’t give a fuck,” Ben mutters disinterestedly. Whoever has come to see him surely isn’t worthy of it. After all, he suspects it is just plain ol’ Mallory. She’s come by a few times to lecture him about consequences with that self-satisfied smirk of hers.

“You don’t look well, old friend,” a man’s voice chimes through the cold cell.

Curiously, Ben’s head raises with his brow as he squints his green eyes at the black man in front of him. The voice sounds familiar, as do the man’s features.

“Stan Edgar. I’ll be damned.” A laugh almost escapes him at the realization. “Didn’t think you were still the fuck alive. You got fucking old.”

“I could say the same thing, Soldier Boy,” Edgar retorts as he takes off his glasses and cleans them with a pristine white handkerchief. “Or is it Ben now? I can see the gray in your beard even from here.”

At Edgar’s amused smile, Ben balls his fists, wishing he could wipe off that smug grin. He gets it. Everyone greatly enjoys his downfall, being reminded once again what a shitty asshole he used to be. Y/N really was right when she said that people don’t forgive and forget. So far, it’s been Ben’s experience as well.

“What the fuck do you want, huh? Just came here to fucking laugh and gloat?” Ben prompts, his patience wearing thin. He’s not a zoo animal. He doesn’t need to be gawked at.

“I have a proposal for you if you’re interested,” Edgar says cryptically and dangles a metaphorical carrot in front of his nose. “I heard you’d like to see your girlfriend, right?”

Ben sighs deeply. He knows the game they’re playing. He’s played it a million times before, especially with Vought, and wonders if he ever actually won at it. He used to believe he did, but not anymore.

“And what do you want in return, huh? What’s the catch?”

In response, Edgar’s lips curve into a triumphant smirk.

Nervously, Ben clears his throat several times and fidgets with his fingers, close to biting off his nails. His hand runs through and scratches his trimmed beard. It feels weird to have it short again after so many months.

Once he set foot outside the clinic, his green eyes even had to adjust to the brightness of the sun. It’s been so long since his pupils have actually seen natural daylight. His lungs practically inhaled the oxygen provided by air that’s fresh and wasn’t filtered and smelled fabricated. Those few molecules of realness were life-supplying in the literal sense.

Ben unfolds the crumbled piece of paper in his left hand with an address written on it and checks once more if he’s got the right apartment, even though he’s already done that a couple of times. 5B it reads on his piece of paper and the apartment door with golden letters.

One more swallow, and his knuckles hesitantly tap the wood. Then, his boot taps the floor in a manic beat until he hears the door unlock.

“Ben…” Y/N’s brow furrows. She seems both bewildered and pleasantly surprised. But then worry spreads across her delicate features, looking suspiciously left and right down the hallway. “What are you doing here? How did you get out?”

Ben can’t form a functioning sentence for the life of him. He keeps trying, but his mind is too preoccupied with taking her in – every little bit of her. The color spectrum of her brilliant eyes, the shape of her godforsaken lips, the shine and flow of her hair, and the freckles that grace her perfect skin. She’s still the girl he met a year ago. The girl from his memories. The girl from his dreams.

He also takes note of the changes, though, because she’s surely changed a lot, too. And it’s not just the new clothes she’s wearing that aren’t hoodies and sweats or the different length and slight change of color of her hair. It’s first and foremost the glowing aura of happiness that cloaks her entire being.

She’s a masterpiece, and he can’t help but keep staring at her like she’s an exhibition at the Louvre.

“Ben, say something. Wha–,” she starts anew when he still hasn’t said a word.

“I’m sorry,” he cuts in. The words come out so fast, it’s just one word altogether, really. But he’s been wanting to say them to her for so long, practiced them every day in his cell that they just escaped him in a blurb.

“I. Am. Sorry,” Ben repeats more slowly and coherently. “Look, uhm, I’m not good at this shit. There’s about a million different speeches that I’ve prepared over the last few months, and I figured once I saw you, I’d know which one to pick…”

“Ben–”

“Just let me say this, alright?” Ben interjects and gulps nervously. Being locked up and lonely for months, he’s had plenty of time to think about his mistakes and find ways to fix them. “I’m so sorry for what I did, Y/N. I was, uhm… hurt, and I lashed out, and this should’ve never happened. I know people don’t forgive and forget. Trust me, I know… But still, I’m hoping you can. Just this once? You think you can do that?”

Ben’s a shadow of his former self. A broken shell of a man. And while one would think that’s a bad thing, it’s truly not. His hardened armor, shield and suit, peeled from his skin and revealed a soft core of heart, hope and humanity underneath it.

“Wow, uhm…” Y/N gasps, speechless as her head bobs in both acknowledgment and thought. “That’s–, uhm, that’s a lotta words. Especially coming from you.” A soft and tender smile forms on her mouth as she chews on her lower lip. “Always thought your generation was more the silent type.”

“I’m full of surprises, doll.” Ben shrugs endearingly and adds a wink, parts of his charm returning. He matches her smile as his heart fills with hope. Not all is lost. At least she hasn’t slammed the door in his face. Yet. “So? Do you forgive me?”

Ben doesn’t care if the world forgives him for his sins. He doesn’t care if God or what- and whoever forgives him. He doesn’t care about the people he hurt in the past. He doesn’t care about the lives and families he’s destroyed. He knows he’s done wrong – a lot of wrong – and he also knows he can never ever fix any of it.

Yes, Ben doesn’t care about a lot of things, but he cares about Y/N. And he cares if she forgives him.

Y/N’s eyes brim with tears as she fights to keep the smile on her face alive. “Only if you can forgive me,” she says quietly as her throat closes, making it harder to breathe. “I’m sorry, too. I never meant all those things I said to you that night. I was just scared.”

“Of me?” Ben cocks an eyebrow, simultaneously puzzled and afraid of the answer.

Luckily, Y/N shakes her head. “Yes… and no, it was never about you, you know? I knew if I let you in fully, I’d never leave the clinic. I would’ve stayed for you. Forever,” she explains. “And I also know I played a role in what you did. I mean, I didn’t technically push you into another woman,” she mutters sourly and continues with a deep exhale through her nose, “But I know I pushed you too far… You’re not the only one who’s broken, you know?”

“So, what does that mean? What do we do now?” Ben asks. This is truly as far as he’s thought ahead. A part of him even believed she wouldn’t open the door for him in the first place. To say he feels lost right now would be an understatement. After all, it’s the first time in his long life he’s doing a big Soldier Boy Apology Tour.

“Two broken halves make a whole, right?” Y/N sends him a weak smile that he mirrors.

“I mean, yeah.” Ben chuckles with keen nods, scratching the back of his neck. “I never graduated high school, but that sounds like fucking perfect math to me.”

“Good.” Y/N laughs, her smile rising. She takes a deep breath and swallows the goddamn lump in her throat that’s sat there for half a year. “I love you.”

Ben’s heart crashes. For a second, he even doubts he made it out of that dark cell in the first place because this surely feels like a dream. He might have even died and against all odds went to Heaven.

He can’t hold himself back any longer, every muscle in his body trembling at the sound of those glorious three words. He never thought language could have such a massive impact on him.

The dam then breaks, but he’ll be damned if he lets her witness a single tear. Instead, he pulls her close to his massive body and presses his lips on hers. He kisses her so hard that they both see not only stars but different galaxies altogether.

For a moment, he worries if she’s going to reject him once more. But she doesn’t. On the contrary, her arms drape around his neck and pull him so close they might as well merge into one single entity. She deepens the kiss with a newfound need until they’re both breathless and blue in the face.

Ben, however, would’ve gladly died from the lack of oxygen. What a way to go out after a hundred years…

Resting her forehead on his, Y/N pants heavily as her hands slide down to his broad chest and hold onto his shirt as if he might disappear into thin air if she doesn’t.

“I love you, Y/N. You’re the only friend I ever had. You’re everything to me,” he mumbles into her hair and kisses the top of her head. He closes his eyes and breathes in her scent, trying to memorize it all. It almost killed him when he couldn’t recall it during his captivity.

She smiles broadly and looks up at him. “Wanna come inside?”

Ben nods softly, reining in some of his eagerness. “I’d love to.”

“I see the vinyl collection has grown,” Ben notes with a happy chuckle as he takes in her apartment, his eyes glued on the oakwood shelf that consumes an entire wall and reaches up to the ceiling, filled from top to bottom with records. “You’re gonna need a bigger place soon.”

“Yeah, I spend a lot of time in record stores these days. Not to mention half my paychecks…” Y/N laughs as she prepares a pot of coffee in the small kitchen, her cheeks flushing as her adorable dimples make an appearance.

Ben’s missed them, too. He thinks they’re always more prominent when he makes her laugh.

“You work?” His brow shoots up at that information, a curious smile curving his mouth.

While he was locked up for months, he has wondered every single night what she was up to, what her life must look like now, before his eyes grew too tired and closed, ending another grueling day without her. He always hoped, though, that she was happy wherever she was.

“Yeah, I’m interning right now at an orphanage and taking night classes at a community college, so I can become a social worker,” she replies with a sheepish smile.

His face lights up, his smile spreading from ear to ear. “College, huh? That’s great. I’m fucking proud of you.”

It’s a phrase Ben always wanted to hear – from his father, from the world. It’s something he imagined he’d say to his sons someday, but he never got the chance. Frankly, neither him nor any offspring of his deserved to hear it. Y/N, on the other hand, does.

She deserves the world and so much more. Could Ben ever give it all to her?

“Thanks.” Y/N blushes even more and hands him a mug with coffee.

These past months have been hard for her, too. She’s tried to build a life for herself, a future worth living, and not fall into a dark hole like so many former supes before her. She’s had no one on the outside. Nights and days got rather lonely until she made some friends at work and college. It took a long while until she didn’t feel lost anymore and found her purpose.

And yet, she never felt complete. Her mind always raced back to him, wondering what he might think of her if he could see her now. Ben haunted her hopes and dreams every single day since she’s left the clinic, wishing he’d be right here by her side.

“I work at a former supe orphanage. Mallory arranged it. They actually managed to cure every single kid without losses. Now, we’re just trying to find them good homes,” Y/N tells him excitedly, beaming with pride. “For the first time in my life, I finally feel like I’m making a difference. I’m doing something good.”

“That’s awesome,” Ben says, smiling. “But for the record, you’ve made a difference even before that. You’ve changed my life.”

“Right back at you,” Y/N replies and then her smile shines brighter than the sun itself. It’s blinding. “There’s a boy at the home that actually reminds me a lot of you. And not just because you two share a name.”

Ben curiously arches an eyebrow, smirking. “Yeah?”

“Yes, cocky son of a bitch,” she says with a laugh. Ben chuckles at that. Y/N then saunters closer to him as if she can’t stand to be apart from him a minute longer. It makes his heart race faster than a rocket to the moon. “I thought a lot about you. Actually, there’s not a day that went by where I didn’t think about you, you know?”

“Yeah, same, my love,” Ben replies and chokes down the damn lump in his throat. When did he become such a fucking sap?

“I wanted to visit you at the clinic a couple of times, but they wouldn’t let me,” Y/N tells him then, sadness shimmering in her eyes. “They said you moved on and didn’t want to see me, but I had a feeling that wasn’t true.”

Ben tries not to get goddamn angry at her words. It was one thing to torture him. Throw ice water on him every morning, electrocute and burn him, but fucking lie to her? Making her believe he didn’t want to see her when that’s all he wanted this goddamn time? Those bastards are lucky he doesn’t have his nuclear powers anymore, or they’d all be turned to ash.

But the past doesn’t matter anymore. It took him almost a century to learn that lesson. What matters, though, is that he’s here right now. With her.

Even when you’ve lived forever, time is precious. It’s a gift you don’t waste, no matter if you have an abundance of it.

With one stride, Ben’s in front of her and cups her cheeks, looking deeply into her tear-filled eyes. “It’s not true. I never moved on, okay? Every single day, I would’ve died and killed someone to see you, alright? Believe me.”

Y/N nods in his palms and hugs his hands with her own. “Are you alright? What did they do to you? Did they hurt you?”

“I’m fine,” Ben assures her but knows Y/N won’t buy his lie. “Don’t worry about it. I’m fine now, okay?”

“Did you escape? Because if you did, we can’t stay here. They’ll find you here,” Y/N worries, and he can see the panic rising in her features.

“I didn’t escape. They let me go, alright?” Ben says but can already see her mouth opening again with more questions, so he resorts to kissing them shut. “As I said, don’t worry, my love. We’ll talk about this later, and I promise I’ll tell you everything, okay?”

Even though she’s reluctant, she agrees with a weak nod. “Okay.”

“Now, there’s something I’ve been wanting to do for months,” Ben announces and smirks slyly.

Y/N matches his smile and meets him halfway as he fiercely claims her lips in a searing kiss. On tiptoes, she then hoists herself up and tightly wraps her legs around his waist as he carries her promptly to the bedroom.

With a giggle, she’s dropped onto the mattress as Ben hungrily trails kisses from her cheek to her jawline and down her neck. Eagerly, he unzips her jeans and shimmies them down her smooth legs, leaving her only in a pair of onyx lace panties.

“Were you expecting someone?” Suspiciously, Ben lifts an eyebrow. He wouldn’t hold it against her if she found someone during the time they were apart, but he sure as hell wouldn’t be happy about it.

Well, okay, that’s a lie. In fact, he’d like the guy’s address so he can commit a murder.

Y/N giggles in response. “No, I’m just really bad at doing laundry. Those were the only clean ones left,” she explains. Internally, he sighs in relief. “I haven’t been with anyone since you.”

The look she gives him is one powerful guilt trip since they both know he can’t say the same. Christ on a fucking stick, he feels shitty. During all the times he’s cheated on Crimson Countess (and there were many), he’s never felt like this before and can’t say that he particularly enjoys this feeling.

Softly, he rests his forehead on hers and pecks her lips, his fingers gingerly stroking her cheek. “I’ll never fucking do that to you again. I promise.”

Y/N nods. “I know. I believe you.”

“It’s just you and me from now on, alright? Us against the world,” Ben assures her.

“Like Sid and Nancy?” Y/N grins teasingly up at him. “Or Ross and Rachel? Beyoncé and Jay-Z? But without Becky…”

“I have no fucking clue who those people are.” He chuckles, placing another kiss on her cheek. “But yeah, like Sid and Nancy. Bonnie and Clyde. Whatever you want, doll.”

More kisses follow, wet and hot as he works his way down her body. He has missed touching someone’s warm skin. He has missed hearing someone’s laugh that wasn’t full of cruelty. He has missed feeling loved and adored. He has missed feeling freedom and peace. And most of all, Ben has missed her.

Y/N’s breathing grows more labored with every inch he climbs down her body. His fingers hook into the elastic of her panties, feeling his hot breath on her mound before he flings the fabric across the room. His length brushes between her thighs, hard and thick, and elicits little jolts of electricity on her skin that travel through her nerve endings and cause goosebumps of anticipation to form.

“Fuck, Ben,” she moans and arches her back as he pulls the little sensitive nub between his teeth and sucks.

The former hero chuckles in delight at her reaction. “Oh, my love, I’m just getting started…”

Gentle and soft, Ben kisses her naked shoulder blade, trailing a flock of kisses down her spine till he reaches the beginnings of her asscheeks and hears her adorable giggle.

“That tickles,” Y/N says, grinning from ear to ear.

“Yeah? You know, I actually had a dream about this,” Ben says with a peck on her crown.

Y/N cocks a curious eyebrow at that and rolls in his embrace, facing him. “Really? Tell me.”

“Well, it was a lot like this,” Ben starts. “And then…”

“And then what?” Y/N prompts when he abruptly trails off.

“And then… you told me you loved me,” Ben confesses and clears his throat. He’s not used to open and emotional pillow talk, but Y/N makes it easy, practically forces his emotions to the surface like a mountain spring.

Y/N grins broadly up at him. “I do love you.”

“Yeah? You sure?” A hint of insecurity haunts his juniper eyes. How many times has he been placated and lied to? At this point, it’s too damn many to count. “You’re not just fucking saying that, right?”

“And what exactly would I get out of it?” Y/N reframes his question, licking her amble lips. Sometimes asking the right question is more telling than an answer. “Money? Fame? You have neither.”

Ben clicks his tongue and purses his lips. “That was somehow both relieving and fucking insulting. How the hell did you do that?”

Y/N laughs and innocently twitches her shoulders. “It’s a talent.”

“Well, I’m gonna take notes. Jesus fucking Christ…” Ben cards a hand through his messy hair and shakes his head at her, placing a kiss on the tip of her nose.

Y/N then cups his cheeks, fingers softly caressing his beard. Her eyes wander down his body, finding scars and bruises that haven’t been there the last time she has seen him. “Ben, are you alright? What happened to you?”

The fallen supe then glances down his own chest and knows exactly what she means by her question. Yet, he brushes her off with a smile and grabs her hand, kissing her knuckles. “Nothing, my love. I told you I’m fine.”

Knowing it’s impossible to get answers out of him, Y/N nods. “I think now is ‘later,’” she states, thinking back to last night’s unfinished conversation. “How did you get out? What did you do?”

Ben presses his plush lips into a thin line, tongue poking his bearded cheeks. “Don’t worry about it.”

Y/N heaves a sigh and gently kisses his lips. “Ben, if you want us to be a team and ‘us against the world,’ you can’t keep things from me,” she tells him. “I’m your partner. Your ride or die. I’m here for you, no matter what. But you gotta tell me what’s up. You can’t always protect me.”

“I can try,” he mumbles sweetly and places another precious kiss on her hairline.

“And if there are more bad guys to kill and maim, you’re free to do so.” Y/N smiles softly, causing him to chuckle. “Please just tell me what’s going on.”

Ben’s head bobs in thought before replying, “I made a deal.”

Her brow furrows, an eerie feeling spreading in her stomach. “What kinda deal?”

“If I do this, then I’m a free man afterward. We can be together. For real, Y/N,” he says with a hopeful undertone that resembles a fairytale. Only Y/N knows those don’t really exist.

“Do what? What deal did you make, Ben? And with who?”

The bad feeling in her stomach only grows. Y/N knows only too well how the CIA works. They wait for their target to become weak, vulnerable, and hopeless. God knows Ben was exactly all those things when he first set foot inside the rehab clinic.

“An old friend visited me in lock-up. Proposed something,” Ben replies mysteriously.

Y/N’s brow wrinkles some more. “Ben, I don’t mean to sound offensive, but you don’t have old friends.”

The former supe snorts, amused. “I’m aware. And trust me, I don’t like this fucker either, but the deal was too good to be true.”

“That’s probably because it is,” Y/N throws in.

“Probably. But I still have to take it,” Ben maintains, his green eyes desperate and pleading.

“Who was it? Who came to see you?”

“Ever heard of Stan Edgar?”

Shocked, Y/N’s brow raises to her hairline. “The former CEO of Vought International?!”

But then Ben’s the one who’s surprised. “That motherfucker made it to CEO? Who would’ve thought…”

“Ben, focus,” Y/N snaps. “This isn’t a history lesson.”

“Well, he used to manage Payback back in the 80s. Now he’s apparently in it with Mallory and the CIA,” Ben explains. “They need my help. In exchange, I get my freedom.”

Y/N, however, scowls in annoyance. “Ben, I swear to God, if you don’t stop beating around the bush soon, I’ll fucking strangle you myself.”

Ben laughs and pecks her lips. “I love it when you’re feisty. It’s sexy…”

“Ben!”

“Alright, don’t get hyster–” At her glare, he abruptly stops mid-sentence and swallows thickly. “Calm down, okay? I can handle it.”

“Handle what?!”

Ben licks his lips and clicks his tongue. He supposes there’s no way around it anymore. He has to spit it out. He gulps, Adam’s apple bobbing. “Apparently, they’ve got Homelander.”

Confused, Y/N’s head tilts, more creases forming on her brow. At this point, she’s worried they’ll stay permanently – all because of this asshole in her bed. “What do you mean ‘they’ve got Homelander’? Got him how?”

“According to Edgar, the CIA has him locked up somewhere,” Ben replies.

“Would explain why the news has been so peaceful and quiet recently,” Y/N muses cynically as her head begins to spin. “But wait a minute… if they’ve already got him, what do they want you to do? Why are you telling me all of this?”

Ben lets out a deep sigh. He knew from the start she’d never approve. “They wanna cure him. You know, like us.”

“Okay, so?” Y/N shrugs, not putting the puzzle pieces together. “They want you to kill him after?” But then, her eyes widen as she realizes the sinister plan. “No… No! Ben, no! You can’t do this! You’re gonna die! Have you learned nothing from your last glorious deal with Billy Butcher?”

Ben sighs anew. “Y/N, I know, my love. I know, alright? But I’m the only one who can get close enough to him.”

“How do you know that, huh?” Y/N questions, throwing her arms up. “The last time the two of you were in a room together, it didn’t go so well. Who says he ain’t gonna kill you as soon as he sees you?”

“‘Cause he’s a pathetic fucking cunt with daddy issues. I can work that angle,” Ben insists, acting like he’s got it all perfectly figured out.

His ego surely thinks so. It��s as old and as big as the goddamn Titanic. Y/N prays it won’t sink just as fast.

“Oh, so you wanna trick your petri dish son long enough to ram a needle into his goddamn throat? That’s your fucking plan?” Y/N lifts a sarcastic eyebrow. “Are you fucking insane?!”

“Look, I know it’s risky–”

“Risky?” Y/N interrupts him faster than a gunshot and scoffs. “Ben, fucking without a condom – that’s risky. It’s like asking for an STD! This mission is just plain stupid and, frankly, suicidal!”

Ben remains quiet until her chest stops heaving and calms. He nods in understanding before finding her eyes and locking gazes. “I know all of that. But there’s no other choice. I have to do this. This is my chance to make it right.”

Y/N shakes her head vehemently, her mind in denial. “No, no… I don’t believe that.” She jumps out of bed and hauls a duffel bag from her closet, throwing everything her hands can grab inside of it. “We can go. We can leave right now and go to Mexico… or Alaska. Nova Scotia!”

Ben chuckles lightly, scooting across the mattress to her, and grabs her frantic hands, kissing them gently. “Y/N, stop. We can’t leave. You and I both know there’s at least three SUVs full of agents parked outside and surrounding that building,” he says and watches her realize their dire situation in horror and despair. “This is the only way.”

“We can shoot our way outta here. I’m pretty sure my neighbor is an arms dealer,” Y/N suggests weakly, sniffling. She didn’t necessarily pick the best neighborhood.

“I don’t think we’d make it, Bonnie.”

Old Ben, Soldier Boy, would’ve shot himself out of that apartment building, even blast himself out of it, no questions asked. He also wouldn’t have cared if Y/N got hurt or even died in the midst of it. After all, narcissistic assholes don’t care much about anything but themselves. But New Ben surely does. He cares more than he sometimes likes to admit. And most of all, he’s certainly not a big risk-taker when it comes to her safety.

“But what if you die? What then?” she whispers as tears roll down her rosy cheeks.

Ben catches them with his thumb and wipes them away, smiling warmly. “At least then, there’s finally someone who’ll miss me when I’m gone.”

Y/N catches his lips in a deep and desperate kiss, only interrupted by her sniffles. “Of course I’d miss your stupid ass.”

Ben laughs and places his palms on her hips, pulling her between his thighs as her arms lock around his neck. “Good,” he says with another kiss on her lips. “That’s all I ever wanted.”

But no matter how much distraction he provides, her worries refuse to dissipate. “When is this gloriously insane plan happening?”

Licking his lips, Ben inhales deeply. “Tonight.”

“I’m coming with you.”

Chapter 8: sid & nancy – March 29

And the plot thickens! Last chapter plus an epilogue coming next week! 💚

Is this a good time to remind you that this series doesn't necessarily have a super happy ending? 👀

TAGS:

Everything Jensen: @alwaystiredandconfused @xlynnbbyx @lyarr24 @deans-spinster-witch @blackcherrywhiskey @deansbbyx @foxyjwls007 @ladysparkles78 @roseblue373 @zepskies @agalliasi @yvonneeeee @hobby27

Rehab Series: @nancymcl @fics-pics-andotherthings-i-like @sparkydonugh

[madametrashbin]

Wishful Dreaming

In which I pretend Part 3 of Inazuma’s story doesn’t exist and everyone is alive before shit goes down. Yes, people who read this, it’s time for best friend headcanons/drabbles/whatever the hell this is with Teppei. Honestly, it’s just no thoughts head empty right now and I might have gone off tangent a lot.

(And by a lot, I mean the majority of this piece, probably... by the way, credits to @streimiv and @myuni-moon for making my brain be hyper focused on Self Aware Cult Genshin... I can’t get it out of my head as of right now.)

Enjoy, even if it’s never going to be beta-read by anyone and I will never go back to edit this even if I find mistakes in this later on... and I also don’t know where my brain went for this, but what’s done is done. 

I’m not even sure if I did his personality correctly, ahaha...  (；^ω^)

(I’m going to project my denial in this, so please know it might be wince inducing and incredibly self-indulgent.)

The sun is bright at this time of day, the gentle breeze flowing through the tranquil lands of Inazuma, leaving those who are experiencing the nice morning in a blissful escape from its current reality. 

...much like a young foreigner who had left their current abode, leaving behind a note for their caretakers to see as they wander around the land of Eternity for some true fresh air and peace of mind away from the group that had more or less made their life a little too suffocating as of late.

It is also incredibly lonely in there, as they come to understand that no one (for the most part) look at them like they were a regular human... like they were them.

So they now wander, taking in the rarity of solitude that does not come as easily as one might think. Inazuma is beautiful, even if they know that the peace they see around these parts are but a veil that shields the horrible reality going on around them.

(They know what was happening outside the city, outside the teapot they were living in since they were brought here. They’ve experienced it happening before, many times in fact. They know what will happen, and they’re determined to change it. They just need to find a certain someone, and then they’re set.)

Meeting Teppei was something you didn’t really expect all that much, considering you knew he should be still a part of the logistic division of the Resistance Army and would be busy in their current base that was all the way to Yashiori Island.

Yet by sheer luck, or by fate, you meet the good fellow on Narukami Island and had managed to make a pretty good friendship with him over the course of coincidental meetings.

You’ve come to learn a few things about the young man, and it was that he was a pretty trusting guy, didn’t even think twice of being friends with you... which was a little worrisome, considering what happened in the actual storyline.

That’s okay though, you’ll make nothing happens to him... he is one of your only true friends in this world, after all.

“Teppei.”

They call to him as the Resistance Samurai turned his head away from the sight of the Tenshukaku to them.

“Is there anything you wish for? I mean, if you could have one wish granted, anything you want, what would it be?”

The young man looked rather confused at them, before they briefly clarified that they were just curious. As much as they enjoy the peacefulness of silence, they wanted to know what he really wanted... wondering if he really wanted a Vision, for the acknowledgement of the Gods.

“What would I wish for...”

The young man was quiet for a while, no doubt mulling it over before smiling when he comes to an answer, his head lifting to look at the glimmering stars.

“I would wish for the war to end... for the Sakoku Decree and Vision Hunt Decree to be abolished so people won’t have to suffer anymore.”

“Really? Not a Vision, or something like that?”

“Well, having a Vision would be nice, but thinking about it... I think it’s better if everyone is happy. A lot of people are suffering, and even if I did get a Vision, it’s still pretty difficult to win the war against the Shogunate.”

They could only hum quietly in understanding after that, not really certain what else to ask him before he gives them the same question. 

What do they wish for?

To go home. They would have said, but they chose not to because they knew there was probably little chance for them to be allowed to go home... Their “acolytes” are rather over-protective and notably possessive towards them, probably rampaging around Inazuma right now in search of them.

Well, they at least know what they’re going to do once they inevitably find them.

“Isn’t it time you should head back to your camp, Teppei?”

“Huh? Oh, right! It’s getting late! Then, if I have time, I’ll see you again!”

And he’s off in a rush, disappearing when he turned around the rocky walls and out of their sight. At the same time as he left, the bushes behind them rustle, and a frantic Zhongli appears with Venti following behind... both relaxed significantly once they saw them in perfect condition.

“We’ve been looking everywhere for you, Your Grace. It’s dangerous for you to go outside on your own like that.”

“Please don’t worry us like that again.”

They immediately take to their sides, quickly ushering them to head back to the Teapot before they stopped them in their tracks. 

“Your Grace?”

“I need to do something. Will the both of you accompany me for this?”

...and by the following morning, an official announcement is made to all of Inazuma with the abolishment of both the Sakoku Decree and Vision Hunt Decree. 

Teppei is rushing over to them with a beaming smile on his face when they meet again that noon, the young man happily shares the good news with them while they simply smiled and nodded along with what he said even if they knew the reason behind it.

They don’t tell him anything, nor mention that it was thanks to him that it ended... well, what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.

Extra, because why not:

It becomes a frequent part of your days now that the War in Inazuma was over. Hanging out with Teppei as often as you could, granted you’d have a few people trailing in the shadows at all times, watching over you so you don’t pull the same stunt again.

You have to spend a bit of time giving warning glares behind you whenever Teppei mentions the cold chills that makes his bones shiver despite the relatively warm weather. 

When the two of you get roped up into a bit of trouble (whether by lingering Fatui grunts, stray Ronins or local Treasure Hoarders seeking to rob you), Teppei would always jump in between you and them, saying he’ll protect you as he holds his spear (that he brings with him out of habit).

...you thinks it’s endearing with how he’s trying to be brave, as you can see his hands shake just a tad bit due to the numbers.

But as much as you want to let him have his moment, you prefer that your friend doesn’t get himself hurt and therefore skillfully lead him away from the danger while the rest (your cult) dealt with them.

When you feel like the divine treatment is starting to get too overwhelming, and you’re feeling a little too lonely, you always make your way to Teppei who is there to provide comfort even if you never really talked about what’s troubling you.

Your friendship with Teppei is strong, even if you rarely talk about yourself to him and how he’s told you practically everything about himself.

There’s just something about that trust that bring you a lot of comfort... it gave a different feeling compared to Zhongli or Fischl’s kind of trust... it was warmer, and felt more like home.

You’re also very adamant in keeping him away from the whole cult business, not wanting him to think of you like how the others did... you don’t want to lose that friendship that practically kept you sane in this world.

The amount of times you have to keep reminding your cult to leave him be is absurd, and as much as they protest about him, the fact you’re upset at them for that is enough to get them to stop.

...for a while, at least. They go at it again for a while when Teppei does something they don’t like until you actually snapped at them. They stopped bothering him after that.

If Teppei does eventually find out about the cult, which will most likely happen because of Kokomi, you would be genuinely terrified in the beginning of it until he gives you proper reassurance that it doesn’t change anything.

Now he’s allowed to see you in the Teapot, often visiting with curious snacks he finds and occasionally sleeping over when you are feeling particularly lonely.

Overall, a very pleasant friendship to have. Being one of the few you can really be open with and not be concerned about how you’re viewed as.

Wholesome boy will always have your back whenever you need him... even if he is a little intimidated by the Raiden Shogun and the other intimidating acolytes that are a part of your cult.

[jiminrings]

what happened to mc after that?? JUNGKOOK I WILL WHOOP YO FUCKING ASS

cold senior!y/n x stem major!koo masterlist :D

the aftermath of stem koo breaking senior!y/n's heart

"do you need anything from us?"

yoongi asks you for the fifth time in the twenty minutes you've been home, heart breaking from the inside out when you haven't moved a single inch

he is begging that the thing you need from him and jin is to go beat j*ngkook up

HE CAN'T EVEN SAY HIS NAME WITHOUT BEING ANGRY AT HIM!!!!!!!

anything. anything to atleast make you sleep in peace tonight.

or them honestly,, either way

your body's facing the backrest of the couch and maybe that's for the better, because that way, seokjin won't feel the need to cry looking at the coldest person he's known to be openly vulnerable

you're still wearing your jersey!!! your stained dirty jersey that you've been in for the past three hours and the reason that it's still wet was that you've been using it to wipe your tears all the way to the dorm

"no. i'll be alright."

you mumble for the fifth time out of the five times you've been asked, and yoongi just has to grapple at his fist because he knows that being frustrated wouldn't help

you are the fURTHEST thing from okay

to be honest, it was only a miracle that you told the two of them what happened in the first place

it was in between sobs that you asked them why they were friends with you and they couldn't be anymore dumbfounded

it was in between violent tears that you mentioned hyeji that seokjin looked for a box of tissues because you've been intentionally rubbing your eyes raw

it was in between heaving that you said that no one wants to go the extra mile for me that yoongi started holding your cheeks and trying to get you to breathe with him in his panic too

it was in between hiccups that you uttered that no one wants to walk me home and that's when both of yoongi's and seokjin's throats started tightening, the dots hazy yet aligning nonetheless

it was in silence when you told that jungkook said that no one likes me, and that's when out of the three of you in the room – you're the one who's the calmest.

"okay. i'll bring you a blanket."

yoongi leaves it at that, standing from his spot on the floor to walk over to the kitchen where the blankets cLEARLY aren't there

no one really prepared yoongs for this

no one really is

there isn't a manual on how to act when the dearest friend that you have is crying their guts out for the first time

he can't explain his close bond with you and he's always seen you as his platonic girlfriend!!! his platonic girlfriend who has a bond with him that's closer than a sister's, more understanding than a mother's, and the utter admiration more than a friend's

you r literally yoongi's (platonic) soulmate and he would die on that hill

he would rather subject himself to torture via having to stay in a freshman's dorm equipped with the de facto led strip lights everyday!!! every single day, than to see you like this :(((

"what do you have on the bitch?" yoongi doesn't spare his words when he sits on the kitchen stool next to jin's figure

the dude is sTANDING and that means business

jin doesn't feel a single ounce of regret fetching his work laptop and scrolling through the files and tabs he has on every single student on campus, eyes only looking for one lee hyeji that's contributed to your anguish rn

jungkook is atleast 3/4 in this equation and seokjin will get to him of course

no one makes his emotional support best friend cry and nOT pay the consequences for it!!!!

in another life, vincenzo cassano's character is based on seokjin and the events in his life that definitely happened >:(

"she's daddy's money. can't fucking believe that sHE'S representing the school," he sighs in genuine annoyance, but not loud enough to pique your attention as he turns the screen so yoongi could clearly see her headshots, "must be a diversity hire. every university needs a fucking bimbo, apparently."

you see,,, yoongi would've SNORTED at that but now is not the time!!! he is still planning discreet retribution to avenge you!!!!

jin lets yoongi look at hyeji's entire file, wanting to get even the smallest bits even if the information he's taking in is against his will

he'll immediately delete whatever he learns about her right after it's served its purpose

"just messaged the faculty groupchat," seokjin himself didn't imagine the words coming out from his lips determinedly, but he knows that he's willing to do anything for the sake of this, "been crushing on jeon ever since the start of last semester. philosophy professor thinks it's because he once saw jungkook lending her a pen when they were in the topic of soulmates."

jesus christ

now THAT'S just annoying ://

this

whatever this is

seokjin and yoongi don't know what they're digging all this information for

they don't know what this unspoken plan is for, or if they even have a plan in the first place

if jin were to tell the faculty gc about this???

absolute mayhem

but he knows for a fact that they'd hate star student jungkook easily within a tap of a finger

the philosophy prof would lose all sense of rationality and reasoning and INSTANTLY point to jungkook as an asshole!!! no questions asked!!!! no elaborations!!!!

"i could get jeon eliminated from all the academic listings he's in."

jin pipes in at the silence that he and yoongi share, both listless in this situation that they never expected to encounter with you

"i could always spread a rumor and make him unlikeable."

yoongi toys with the rings that he wears, a heavy exhale tearing away from him

they could think of a thousand other ways to get back at jungkook!!! they literally can

seokjin knows a contract guy who leaves shredded paper with his contract's initials written on red ink (for a base fee of three dollars, he can switch up the ink for you!!!) right next to their side on the bed

yoongi knows a guy whose modus operandi is to discreetly follow people, have subliminals playing in the background (for an extra fee of ten dollars, he'll use wireless bass-boosted speakers), and continue doing so until the desired message is achieved!!!!

none of the people they have connections to could employ the same amount of pain he's caused on you

there's literally nothing that could hit home with jungkook besides you.

but there's no way to do that and even in your state of anger and sadness tHEN utter vulnerability, you can't even really think of hurting jungkook in the way he did

because you know and yoongi knows and seokjin knows and everyone knows that you aren't the type to wish ill

you admit that sometimes you're unavailable but you don't want that to be an asshole-reason to make everyone else around you suffer in the same way you do

the people around you aren't your shock absorbers!!!! that's why you hang out a teddy bear on your doorknob when you're mad so that neither yoongi or jin would have the possibility to be caught in your rage

that's why you call for a break when your soccer team is out of their game and make everyone drink their electrolytes before they speak to you!!!!

that's why you have the old heart of your even older build-a-bear stuffie in your pocket, one of the only reminders that your childhood even happened, one that you'd squeeze between your fingers in any remotely anxious instances that you find yourself in

jungkook's words hit home and it put you into a spiral if you even had one in the first place

your parents divorced when you were young and it's just that,,, no one from the two of them wanted you because you were the reminder of the other parent

you're a place marker for when a commitment started and ended and god did it make you grow up quickly

your aunt raised you!!!! she's an angel and she's the maternal figure in your life that you'd always be grateful for

you love her all the same and as much as you didn't wanna relate yourself to your parents in the same way that they don't, the feelings of being unliked hit you ever so often

lol it's quite a dashing mindset you have but you can't see any other interpretation you should employ

you leave before they could leave you.

it's not really as dramatic as it sounds

BUT IT COULD BE

there's always obligatory groupchats for projects and you're the first one to leave it instead of awkwardly waiting out for the conversation to dwindle and then leave one by one

when you and yoongi argue, you leave before he attempts to get the last word in

when jin is about to ask if you want to split the bill, you're already putting more than half of your share on the table

it's a nagging feeling of not wanting be unwanted in every situation you're in, but you aren't all that sure of wHAT you'd do to be liked

the only thing you could think of are lunchboxes, and even that gets taken away from you.

does no one really like you??

you're shifting in your position before you know it and the lone sound makes jin and yoongs come to your side immediately, looking at you in concern

you're looking up and you could just fEEL your eyes are puffy and even the light's hurting them

"i need to sleep."

"o-oh! m'kay, sure. i'll carry you to bed, let's go," seokjin wastes no time in responding, about to hook his arms underneath you when you repeat yourself again

you only chuckle but it's the driest and most painful they've ever heard, wincing when they can hear how breathless it was

"no. i mean i need to sleep."

jin blinks once

yoongi blinks twice

OH

right

they get it now

you don't want to sleep, and you really can't, but you need it

"i'll get it!!" jin volunteers to grab what you need, leaving yoongi with you

oh god you could fEEL that he's going to cry

what a big baby ://

seokjin comes bearing the joint :D

he's about to light it for you because he knows that three specific short hits would lull you to slumber then knock you out cold for like a day lmao

he minored in chemistry actually but he cAN'T explain shit on why that's your body's reaction

you're all-good for literally anything besides three short hits lmao

yoongi was about to scold jin because he lights it and tHEN he's the one who takes the first drag, but there's an assuring wave of his hand

how romantic

jin just blew you a heart

<3

they can't get anything from you besides the slight crinkling from your eyes but they don't mind at all — your eyes are atleast one degree less sad

you take your turn and even pass it to yoongi but he rEFUSES,,,,, not the least bit dejected that he decided not to because he wants to watch over you instead and not see every inanimate object with cartoon eyes on them while watching over you

"bake her a cookie if in case she suddenly gets hungry in the middle of her sleep. sneak a carrot in it or something," jin reminds yoongi and he's sERIOUS about the recipe, holding you in tow as he makes the way to your room

yoongi's about to break out the bowls, freezing in his steps when he hears the doorbell frantically ring

oh god

the ONE time that they didn't plug the door with a wet towel and now it's probably the hall manager outside about to do an inspection

that is not..... the hall monitor

that is a fucking asshole

jungkook's been pacing on his heels, his knocking loud enough to wake up the entire hallway at this point

he's SWEATING and he's not even wearing his hoodie

the door finally opens and the words start tumbling out of his mouth

"good evening. i-i wanna explain myself and-..."

that is not,,,,, you

it's his senior that he's disrespected probably too many times

yoongi leans to the door, a sickeningly sweet smile on his face that the junior's never seen before

"you ever had a sandwich before, jungkook?"

"w-what?"

the younger boy stammers, his eyes following yoongi's actions of looking behind him out of worry and then going outside to join him by closing the door softly without noise

yoongi only snorts, not even sure if he's up for conversation

"hyeji's never packed you a sandwich before?"

jungkook pales at the mention, mouth drying when he sees yoongi bring up the soft smile that doesn't comfort him at all

"the one that's all knuckle?"

[boldlyvoid]

ain't it fun?

summary: reader just needs an NA meeting before they have a meltdown, they end up with the best friend they could ever make.

warnings: Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Drug Addiction, Trauma Bonding, narcotics anonymous meetings, Strangers to Lovers, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, meet-cute,

word count: 3.3K

a/n: this is completely self-indulgent and overly personal but i def recommend writing why spencer would love you as a form of therapy

read on ao3

In the blink of an eye, she was up and racing around her apartment. Her mental health was like a teeter-totter, and right now she was on her way to the top. Mania was creeping in; changing from just anxiety-induced butterflied to the feeling that she could jump off a building and survive.

That was never a good time. All she wanted was to either spend all her money, fuck a stranger or get high as shit. It made her legs jumpy and her ears ring and she couldn’t take it anymore. It was all too much.

She threw on a sweater and jeans, her hair was up in a butterfly clip and she hastily threw on her fanny pack full of everything she needed as well as a big coat, and she then left her apartment. She got to the stairs before realizing she actually needed to lock the door.

Her hands shook and she tried to slide the key into the lock, dropping them as her neighbour rushed out of the room and startled her. “Sorry,” she heard him say.

She picked up her keys and turned to look at him, “can you help me? I can’t seem to stop shaking,” she asked as she held her keys towards him.

“yes, sure,” he rushed the words out as he walked towards her, only looking at the keys, never in her eyes. But that was okay, she was never a big fan of eye contact.

He placed her keys back in her hand and took a step back, “are you alright?” he asked.

“No,” she said honestly. “I’m going to find an NA meeting.”

“Do you have one in the area? I haven’t seen you around before?”

She shook her head, surprised that he was also an addict, he didn’t look like he’s ever even smoked weed.

“No, I moved in only a little while ago on a whim, but I think it’s time I got some support,” she said as they started to walk down the hallway together. “I’m Y/N, by the way.”

“Spencer,” he smiled softly. “I’m going to a meeting right now, actually, if you’d like to come? I won’t exactly be anonymous to you, but it’s a good one to go to if you just need one to fill the void until you find your preferred group.”

“Yes, that’s exactly what I need.” She smiled at him this time as he held the door open for her. “So, have you lived around here for long?”

“For about a few years now.”

“The building is good then? I was a little hesitant but I needed to get away,” she said, this time holding the door for them to leave the building and turn down the street towards where she knew the subway was.

The moon should be out, she looked up but only sees buildings. It was the one thing she missed the most about not being in the country; seeing the stars and feeling like there was a reason to it all.

“Are you running from someone?” He asks as they start the walk down to the meeting.

“Myself,” she said softly. “I’m on disability and don’t drive and I lived in the middle of nowhere with my parents, well into my 20’s, and I needed a change so my parents surprised me by saving up money for a few month's rent and told me to follow my heart.”

“And you picked Virginia?”

“I stayed in Virginia, just moved into the city. I watch a lot of murder documentaries in my free time, I thought being near Quantico would introduce me to some interesting people, but I have yet to meet anyone from the FBI at all.”

She laughed to herself at how dumb it was that she wanted to meet a profiler like Holden Ford from Mindhunter, “either they are all very good at keeping their jobs secret or Virginia is a very large and densely populated area with a low percentage of FBI agents.”

“Interesting.”

“What?”

“How long have you lived here?” he asked, slowing as he walked so he could look at her.

“2 months.”

“It took you two months to meet the FBI agent across the hall from you.”

“You’re kidding?” she said, stopping on the sidewalk abruptly. “I knew that apartment was calling me for a reason.”

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but, are you really just coincidentally my neighbour or are you secretly spying on me because you have an evil plan to kill me and my co-workers?” he's completely serious, it's almost scary.

“No offence, Spence, but for a supposed FBI agent that’s a dumb question to ask,” she said, pointing finger guns at him, “you don’t think I’ll give up my cover that easily? Do you?”

He points a finger gun back at her, “technically, I’m a doctor.”

The two of them narrow their eyes at each other, slowly walking in a circle, still facing each other with their make-believe guns trying to hold back smirks. She lowered her ‘weapon’ first. “It’s okay, doctor, don’t worry. I’m not a spy just an idiot with an imagination.”

He giggled softly, “I’ve never felt this comfortable with someone this fast.”

“Well, you are with criminals a lot, right? That would be alarming if you bonded with them,” she said, bumping her shoulder into his as they walked. “But I feel the same. I actually haven’t talked to someone in person in forever.”

“No?”

“I do most of my work and socializing online,” She felt embarrassed, but in today’s day and age, it wasn’t that weird. “I’m not very good outside or with people.”

“If it wasn’t for my job, I don’t think I would go outside very often either. My co-workers are my only friends, they’re more like my family actually.”

“That’s so wonderful to hear, found family is very important,” her smile disappeared as she thought about how alone she was. “Um, can I ask what it is you do at the FBI?”

“Behavioural Analysis.”

“Holy shit," she gasps, knowing way too much about that unit thanks to fucking Netflix, "that’s what the BSU became right? Do you work with the really fucked up shit?” she asked softly.

He laughed, “oh yeah, I really do.”

“Do you share a lot at NA?”

“Kinda, I tend to ramble about facts when I’m nervous so sometimes my short talk becomes more like a ted talk and what was supposed to be just me saying I haven’t relapsed on Dilaudid becomes a lesson on how the human brain works,” he explained, rambling just like he said he would.

She nodded along as he spoke, “funny, that was also my drug of choice.”

“Liquid or oral?”

“Oral. I was given it after I had my appendix out when I was 17. They get you started real young now, big pharma has its hand in everyone's pocket,” she presses her lips together awkwardly, “it was rough.”

He hummed in agreement. “I was held captive by an unsub with multiple personalities. One personality drugged me till I died and the other one brought me back.”

“Spencer, Holy fuck?” she stopped and stared at him so incredibly concerned for someone who just met him. She reached out and grabbed him by the shoulder and looked him in the eyes, “I know I barely know you, but if you need someone to talk I’m literally always across the hall.”

“Thank you,” he smiled softly as he looked back into her eyes. “The meeting is right there across the street, do you want a coffee first? The place beside it is amazing.”

She nodded and he took her hand, looking both ways before J-walking across the street with her to buy her a coffee and a snack. Maybe that would help her stop shaking, he looked like he worried about her and she wasn't used to that at all.

He didn’t talk at this meeting, he sat in the chair beside the group leader, she sat down across from him in the circle so she could focus. When the floor was opened up to new members, Y/N stood at the first chance she got.

“Hi I’m Y/N,” she said, to which she was welcomed by the crowd.

“I’m new to the city and looking for a new home group, not sure if I’ll stay here because I know Spencer outside of here but I really just needed to come today.”

She takes a deep breath as she thinks of how to start it, opting to just explain it and let the rant go where it may.

“I’ve never lived alone before and it’s incredibly hard to occupy my time without drugs. I still smoke weed to help me sleep at night but my addiction is with Dilaudid and then Benadryl a little after having surgery in high school. I don’t know if it’s my trauma, my disability or my Autism, maybe it’s my OCD, I really don’t know, but I just feel so useless and alone and boring and lonely, the drugs used to help but they don’t anymore and I really just don’t want to feel this way anymore.”

They all looked like they understood, small smiles grew all around the circle as she took a lookout at the crowd, “Thank you for letting me get that out.”

Everyone clapped as she sat back down and wiped a tear off her cheek.

The meeting ended shortly after that, Spencer walked from his seat in the circle to where she was sitting, reaching a hand out to help her to her feet. “For the record, I think you’re funny, smart, kind and pretty. And you don’t have to be alone anymore if you don’t want to be.”

She slapped her hand into his and stood up with purpose, “Did we just become best friends?”

“I believe we did.”

The walk home was much like the walk there. They traded facts, they flirted, they laughed, she pushed him into a pole at one point, by accident as they laughed. The two of them stopping to sit at a bus bench, laughing so hard she felt like she would pee her pants right then and there.

By the time they were back on their floor, it was well after midnight. “I don’t think I’ll be able to go back to meetings with you.”

“Oh, why?” he looked disappointed.

“Isn’t rule 13 that you’re not supposed to want to sleep with your group members when you’re healing?”

“Wanting to and doing it are two very different things,” he corrected her as he waited at his own door.

She smirked, “you’re right. Still don’t think I can go back with you, however.”

“I’ll probably have a case tomorrow, they normally take me out of town for at least a week, but when I get back, can I see you?” he asked lightly.

“Knock on my door when you get back,” she said before standing on her tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek. “See you.”

“Bye.”

They waved from their doors before departing, excited by something that felt better than drugs.

—

120 hours later there was a light knock at her door, she knows exactly how long it’s been because she’s been counting and looking out the door at every noise for the whole time he’s been gone. Waiting for him like a wife whose husband went off to war, not knowing when their next correspondence would be.

“Coming,” she called, stopping to fluff her hair and straighten her glasses before she opened the door.

“Spencer!”

“Hi,” he said softly.

She took a moment to look him over, a little in shock at what she saw. He was in a plain t-shirt and track pants, he had not one, but two black eyes, bandages on his brow bone and scrapes all along his arms.

“Are you okay?”

“You should see the other guy,” he giggled softly, rolling his eyes.

“Come in, let’s sit you down.” She worried, taking him by the elbow and helping him inside.

“I’m fine, really, I’m used to this.”

“Well I’m not,” she reminded him with a nervous pout, “am I allowed to ask about it or is it classified stuff?”

He sat on the couch and patted a seat beside himself so she would join him. He rested his arm against the back of the chair so that she could slide in beside him.

“Did you hear about the child abduction in Tampa?”

“Yeah? The two boys?”

“I was trying to talk the unsub down and he dropped the gun but he grabbed me as I turned him around and punched me in the face and we fell into the ditch and I luckily managed to flip over him and get his hands behind his back and cuffed faster than I ever have before.”

“You’re amazing,” she whispered.

He laughed, “if I really was, I would have waited for backup before talking to the guy.”

“I’ve always wanted to help other people get justice but not being able to go to school makes it hard to get a job doing anything meaningful,” she whispered, ashamed of the fact she wasn’t successful like most people her age.

“Our technical analyst was hired because she was an amazing hacker, they will hire anyone who is valuable.” He shrugs and watches her face light up at the idea.

“You know what, we have meetings all this week unless there’s an emergency, if you want I can show you around the office?” he offered. “It’s not illegal for you to pass by what I’m working on and notice something I missed.”

“Spencer, I don’t even know your last name and you’re inviting me to your government job? When just last week you asked, not so jokingly, if I was a secret agent trying to kill you and that you’ve been kidnapped before?”

“Doctor Spencer Reid, and what can I say?” he said shyly, “I’m trying to find excuses to see you smile all the time.”

She placed her hand on his cheek, the tips of her fingers lightly resting on his purple and yellow bruised eyes. She leaned in slowly and kissed him on the lips, so gently as if she’s afraid he’ll break or turn into a frog… he was too good to be true.

“You can see me whenever you want, Doctor Spencer Reid…”

He kissed her again, letting his hands roam her back and she trailed her free hand down his chest. She pulled back slightly to throw a leg over him carefully and sit in his lap. Holding his face in her hands now, she peppered kisses over his bruised face.

She stopped to look at him, still holding his face in her hands as his hands now rested on her hips. “I really like you, Spencer.”

“Really?”

She looks at him carefully, analyzing his response and seeing the hurt that rested deep inside of him, “I take it you’re like me?”

“What does that mean?”

“You try to not get too involved with people because no one has ever shown you true genuine interest or love, and you never think you’ll find it anyway so you push away all small acts of kindness, thinking it’s friendly because then you can’t get your hope up, just to have that person drop them?” she explained herself in a whisper.

He nodded, “you get it.”

She kissed his lips again, and then over his cheek and up to his ear, “I do.”

He looked extra sad when she pulled away, she just held his face gently as she mirrored his puppy dog eyes. Communicating with their eyes, she knew he was okay and he didn’t want to talk about it anymore, so she smiled.

“Want to watch a movie?” She asks softly.

He nods, looking behind her to see she doesn’t have a tv in the living room. “How?”

“In my room, the TV is on my dresser if you don’t mind sitting in my bed?”

He shakes his head in a simple no, picking her up and taking her to her room. He knew where it was purely because her apartment was just his but backwards. She laughs, holding onto him tight as she rests her head on his shoulder.

He sets her down gently, watching her move up to the headboard and wait for him. They got under the blankets and she found the remote in the sheet before she cuddled into him.

“You’re really cuddly,” she complimented him as he wrapped an arm around her and held her close. He kissed the top of her head as a thank you.

“I think I’m going to end up falling in love with you, Spencer Reid,” she whispers the words, afraid of them more than his response.

“I beat you to it,” he whispers right back.

She shoots up, turning to look at him with surprise. “How?”

He looks at her like she grew two heads, “what do you mean how?”

“How did you fall in love with me? You don’t even know me?” She’s so confused, no one has ever loved her before and it’s a lot to take in.

“Y/N…” his face drops, his heart physically breaks in front of her. “I don’t know you, you're right. Not all of you, at least. I’m sure you have your hidden doors and locked cupboards but from the outside, I see you’re so beautiful, you’re radiant… your mind is lovely. You’re so kind, you’re so brave, you’re everything I wish I could be as charismatically as you are.”

She’s just swallowing over and over as she shakes her head and breathes through her nose, processing it. She’s breathing deeply then, staring off and she feels like she’s having a new kind of panic attack. A happier one, somehow?

“I don’t like myself, but if you like me I guess I must be pretty nice,” she smiles, accepting his praise and believing him. “Yeah. Thank you, Spencer.”

He smiles then, it’s cute and press-lipped and she swears he almost has dimples. His eyes are like honey and his lips are like roses. She leans in, kissing him and reaching a hand back to cup the nape of his neck.

He doesn’t know it, but he’s the first person she’s kissed in a few years. They’re soft, peck after peck as they hold each other softly, eyes open as they watch each other experience the happiness of finding someone good, finally.

“I uh, I wanted to tell you I’m almost exactly everything you described yourself as in the meeting,” he whispers against her lips, the air touching her skin gently as she absorbs the words.

“What part? My diagnosis or my self-hatred?” She smiles, okay with either really.

“Almost both, I’m pretty hard to be around.”

She shakes her head, “I invited you in for a movie, not a pity party. You can tell me everything you hate right now and then we should just share the good parts okay? Brag about yourself. Tell me what you’re proud of.”

She was really serious, keeping a stern look on her face as she spoke. He nodded, “I’m anxious all the time, I’m always worried because I’ve never had anyone to worry about me. I don’t know how to be a real person really, all I do is drink coffee and solve crimes and I barely sleep. And the only time I was relaxed and okay is when I was on drugs.”

She nodded, “it fucking sucks, doesn’t it? Like why did we get stuck like this, I don't care about peaking in high school but didn’t we deserve some kind of love and support? I’ve never understood if souls and shit are real, why did mine pick this terrible meat suit and awful traumatic path?”

She’s crying because she’s angry and because she’s never said it to anyone before. He cries because she understands. She truly knows.

“I love you,” he announces. “Just because of that.”

Taglist: @blanchardsbk @shemarmooresfedora @spencers-dria @spookyspence @reidsfish @manuosorioh @mochionly @samuel-de-champagne-problems @jswessie187 @k-k0129 @calm-and-doctor

[eartht137]

FOR THE BETTER

Hello and greetings to anyone that gets to read this. It is my first story. I wanted to try and see how this was received before continuing so please feel free to let me know how you like it. Please be easy on me it is my first one I am new to this, but I hope you like it. Its a bit slow right now but I swear the chapters will get going as we go along on this ride together. Okay *curvies* love ya! Enjoy!

Dark Clark Kent x (Black)!Plus Size Reader

SUMMARY: (I suck at them but here goes) After working miserable unfulfilling jobs, you decide to go back to school to pursue your dream in writing. You get the very handsome, very smart Mr. Kent as your English/Literature Professor. You've always stayed to yourself preferring to have your alone time and focus on your writing. Mr. Kent comes in to shake that way of thinking up and its all with your best interest at heart (well his best interest at heart){Cheesy, am I right?}

"For the weekend's assignment. Something very simple, almost high school level. Don't complicate it." Mr. Kent said dragging his feet to tell you all what the stupid assignment was.

"Get to the point." You thought out loud as you rested your head in your hand. He glared at you for moment before continuing. You felt your face flush, because-'no way he heard me' you thought.

"I want you all to write me a paper on...one thing you like about yourself and why." He rushed out. "I want you all to be as genuine as possible, if you're going to be journalists you have to capture your audience. If you can sell yourself, then you can sell a story. If you're a snooze fest......I honestly don't know what to tell you" He chuckled

Everyone groaned because why???

"Due next Monday on the dot. NO EXCEPTIONS!" He belted. "If you don't have your paper on Monday, you will stand up and give a 5 minute speech on said topic."

'What kind of teenage topic is this?' You thought.

"Don't give me lip guys, you signed up for this. I didn't make you do anything." He said pointing at all of you. "No complaining. Monday! Class dismissed." He announced causing everyone to scatter. You were just about out the door when he stopped you.

"Y/n, can you stay back for bit?"

"Yeah sure." You immediately got nervous. You weren't used to being singled out, you always managed to stay below the radar. You'd figured out ways to stay out of sight out of mind after always being criticized by your family, so getting asked to stay back wasn't a normal thing. You braced yourself for the "you can do better speech" and hoped it wouldn't take too long. You watched as the room emptied and he gathered his stuff.

"Come on, lets step into my office." He said leading the way with his hands full. "Have a seat." he said motioning to the chair in front of his desk. you sat feeling butterflies in the pit of your stomach. Literally everyone would've given anything to be where you were. Mr. Kent was almost mythical. You didn't know a day where you didn't think 'DAMN that man know he fine!' And you knew he knew it.

"Bet you think I'm gonna talk about your grades." he chuckled. "While I do require your improvement,"

'Require?' you thought hoping your face didn't covey your attitude.

"I wanted to talk about something else."

"O-kay?"

"I've notice, you're very um...to yourself, is everything-"

'Oh there it is.'

"Mr. Kent, please don't analyze me. I am a whole different breed of human. I don't do people."

"I'm sorry?" he asked tilting his head.

"I just value my alone time. You can't have that with people."

"You can still have space with other people in your life." he said shaking his head at you.

"I didn't say space, I said alone time, and that's not the same. That's still with people. Like, no." you said crossing you arms.

He stared at your for a second, the he began to laugh, and rub his eyes. "You really are something."

"Mm-hmm its true."

"I'm just saying its healthy to get out and socialize every once and awhile, not all the time, I mean-don't you get lonely sometimes?

"No, not really. I mean don't give me wrong I'm human. I get the urge to hang out, then I do, then I remember why I didn't want to do it in the first place." you said realizing you were almost ranting. He eyed you as if he didn't believe you.

"I tell you what, I know you say you're fine, but for my sanity, can we be friends? You know just someone to check on you, make sure you're okay? If-if you hate it by the end of the week then I'll let it go."

"Mr. Kent, no offense, but why do you care? I mean, you have your own life, I'm sure you got a nice family you should be there for, so like....I'm gonna need a it all to make sense."

"Its mean, don't get me wrong I enjoy solitude too, and its not because I don't like people," he chuckled, "but I know what its like to sometimes need someone I could just talk to when I really needed it most and not having it. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. Its funny because it would always lead me home."

"Well that's the difference between you and me, there is no going back." you sighed. You contemplated it 'It couldn't hurt could it?' "Okay."

"Okay?"

"We can be friends." you resigned.

"Great!" he said clapping his hands together.

"Only til the end of the week." You said standing stretching. "So we good? Can I go?"

"Actually, what are you doing tonight? I mean, my ma is cooking dinner and-"

"Okay anything food related, I'm down." You cut him off.

"Good, well I'll pick you up at 6?"

"Yeah sure." You said trying to get away.

"Uh, Y/n?"

"Yes?" You asked sweetly.

"I'm going to need your address." He said knowing you knew he needed it.

You gave you your information and booked it out of there. You immediately went home and took a nap. The whole ordeal was a bit draining for you.

It was your phones constant vibrating that woke you out of a deep sleep. You let it ring a few more times before picking it up.

"What?" You groaned into the phone.

"Y/n are ready? I'm like 15 minutes away." Mr. Kent asked.

"Ready for what?"

"Food?"

"Food? Food! Oh shit!" You said jumping up remembering dinner plans. "I'll be ready when you get here." You said quickly hanging up and rushing to get ready. By the time you felt you looked decent enough, he called and told he was there. When you walked out to meet him, you saw his girlfriend was with him and you put on a small smile. 'Of course he has a girlfriend, why wouldn't he. Still a bummer though, oh well.' you thought to yourself as you walked toward them.

"Y/n this is Lois, Lois this is Y/n. Lois is one of the top editors at the Daily Planet." He bragged, and you immediately got nervous. You'd read her work and you'd give to be as good, even better at writing.

"It really is nice to meet you, Clark speaks very highly of you and your writing." she said smiling.

"Really? I mean writing is my passion, I'm aspiring to get at least in the door. I'm not an editor or professor, but I think I'm okay." You said realizing you were babbling on because of your anxiety.

"Be confident in your work. It shows when you really mean what you're writing about. It also shows when you're doubting yourself." She said smiling at you. You immediately liked her and hoped to get to know her for advice sometime. You all got in and they fell into easy chatter along the way. Every now and again they'd touch on a topic you'd find interesting or be excited about, and you'd really get into it, smiling and being expressive. You'd catch Clark staring at you, a bit shocked at how much you had to say after months of being so quiet, and you'd retreat like a turtle back into your shell. You tried to not enjoy being around them, but every now and again, you liked talking to people on your level. Every now and again, you'd get lost in the breeze of the night air. You'd look out and get lost looking at the stars and the moon out of the open window of the moving car. You get so lost you forgot the other two people in the car and you'd miss the glances Clark took at you through the rearview mirror. When you all arrived at his moms farm you practically gawked at all the land around. You driven by open field and corn fields, you'd never actually gotten to see it up close.

As you all got out, his mom stepped out and waved at you.

"Well, looks like we got extra family tonight." she said smiling. You immediately felt a bit awkward. "Oh dear don't be shy, any friend of Clark is family." She said pulling you into a big hug.

"Thank you for having me Mrs. Kent." You said smiling.

"No go on now you just call me Martha." she said smiling and leading you inside. "You two come along, you know the routine." She said waving Lois and Clark inside. Dinner was great, you even found yourself laughing out loud. It exhilarated you and scared you to have such a good time around other people. You almost, ALMOST, didn't want the night to end, but you missed your bed. As if reading your mind, Clark announced it was time to leave.

"Looks like someone is ready for bed." He chuckled.

"Yep, I miss my solitude." You said stretching. Clark shook his head at you.

"What?" You asked innocently.

You said your final farewells and got in the car heading home. The ride home was peaceful, there was a calm silence between you three and you smiled watching the love exchanges between the two. You could see how much he loved her and you could understand why, Lois was beautiful woman. Your mind jumped from reasons you weren't in a relationship, to the assignment Clark had given you for the weekend. One thing you like about yourself? That topic was always hard for you and you couldn't even begin to find the words to start. Over the years you'd tried hard to accept yourself, love yourself, and be who you were unapologetically, but the moment you got to the threshold of truly giving yourself a chance, all of the criticism, judgment, and years of being invalidated filled you with fear and dread and you'd go back to your shell and do what you did best. Stay in your own bubble. Tears stung your eyes as you tried to stomp down the voices of doubt and resentment, 'It's okay, I'm good, I do what I have to and I'm happy with it. I'm at peace.' you thought to yourself over and over.

"You okay?" Clarks deep voice full of concerned pulled you from your thoughts and you shook you head to bring yourself back to reality.

"Yeah, just trying to stay awake." you said avoiding his gaze. The ride continued in silence and you couldn't help but drift off. One moment you were letting the ride soothe you to sleep and the next you heard a voice cooing you to sleep.

"Shh shh shh it's okay" Clark whispered. You couldn't help but cover your eyes. You were in Clark's arms as he carried you to the apartment.

"Woah," you said trying to get out of his arms. He gently placed you on your feet like a flower.

"Hey, its okay, calm down." He said gently rubbing your arms.

"S-sorry, I've just never-"

"Had anyone carry you before." He said finishing your sentence. You shifted feeling a bit awkward.

"Well, thanks for dinner. Thanks Lois!" You waved at her before going to your door. "Goodnight." you said one last time as you got inside. During the weekend you were extremely restless and was finding it hard to concentrate long enough to work on your assignment. Even when you sat waiting for words to form in your mind you eventually got busy doing something different. The night before class, you had an idea pop in your head, and you decided to go for it. You just hoped it would all make sense, it was the only think your mind focused on.

[ssajemilyprentiss]

I’ll always be here for you - Blurb

Pairing: Jennifer Jareau x reader

Warnings: Angst-ish (just a tad bit i promise), two curse words, mentions of migraines/headaches, mentions of medication, mentions of food/eating Let me know if i forgot something

Summary: A bad day is turned to the better when your girlfriend surprises you when you were least expecting it  

A/N: This was a request from my 200 follower celebration, from anon who requested the following: “could you do jj x reader college fluff??” 

I decided to make it a lil angsty but mostly fluffy cause that’s what was asked, so thank you so much for this request anon, i hope you like it <3 Also once again i do not attend american college myself, so if there are things that are wrong in here that’s why - but let’s just ignore it for the sake of the fic lol

I have also decided to pause my writing for JJ for a while, so if you request anything for her it won’t be written now for a while. And I honestly don’t know if I’m gonna start writing for her again, I haven’t just been feeling it when I write for her so I’ll take a break and think about it. Thank you for understanding besties <3

☽ My masterlist here 

☽ Want to request something from me? Take a look here 

You groan as you hear the alarm on your phone going off. Another week of school and another week of stress. And to make things worse JJ had left yesterday due to a soccer game and wouldn’t be coming home in two days. You get out of bed and as you do you feel how your head starts hurting - a migraine creeping upon you just to make things worse. 

You get ready, take two tylenol and meet up Penelope and Emily for your first class. The tylenol is not helping you feel any better, and you just feel how you are in a bad mood. 

“Y/N” Emily says waking you from your thoughts as you walk into the classroom

“Huh?” you ask, sitting down 

“You look like shit” she replies

“Yeah thanks Em I know” 

“What’s the matter with you honey?” Penelope chimes in

“I just have this killer migraine,  JJ’s not home and I just feel lonely and miss her” you reply with a deep sigh

“Aw I’m sorry Y/N” Penelope says giving you a hug before sitting down next to you 

“Thanks Penny” you say with a weak smile “You do have that magic power to make me feel somewhat better no matter what” 

“I mean I am your fairy godmother after all so of course I do” she replies flipping her hair making both you and Emily laugh at her 

Professor Rossi enters the classroom and everyone goes quiet, waiting for him to start his lecture. 

“Happy Monday class” he starts “And just to make this day even better I have prepared a surprise pop quiz for you” and everyone groans

“Hey, hey y’all calm down” he says “if you have done your reading during the semester you’ll ace this” 

“Come on Rossi, do you think someone actually reads those things?” Derek Morgan asks 

“Those ‘things’” Rossi starts making air quotation marks as he speaks “that you refer to Mr. Morgan are called books you know” making everyone in the class laugh but Derek doesn’t answer 

“So now if anyone has anything to add now is the time to do that” he continues as he passes out papers to the class, but no one answers. As the paper lands on the table in front of you and you read it you groan internally - knowing this test won’t be going as you want it to. 

As you walk out of class and to your next, your head still hurting and seemingly not getting any better. You grab hold of Penelope and Emily and drag them away from everyone walking. 

“What’s the matter hun?” Penelope asks

“I’m gonna skip the rest of the day” you answer “I still feel like shit and it’s not gonna get any better”

“Okay” she replies pulling you in for a hug and when you pull back Emily does the same “Feel better soon” she adds as she pulls away

“Thank you” you say and start walking towards your dorm 

When you get to your dorm you close the door and toss your bag on the floor, letting out a breath you didn’t notice you were holding. You go into the bathroom and wash your face, change into comfier clothes, take another tylenol, roll down your curtains and finally lay down in your bed. You pull the cover over your head and feel how you start drifting off - and the sweet arms of slumber embrace you. 

You start waking up by someone gently shaking you and calling your name. You turn away from them but they don’t give up.

“Y/N baby wake up” you hear the voice of an angel - JJ

‘Wait JJ? She’s not here’ you think to yourself and quickly sit up in bed. When you turn your head towards the person in your room you see lit candles, a bouquet of roses, (your favorite food) and a box of chocolate shaped like a big red heart. And in the room is JJ standing, smiling at you. 

“JJ?” you ask “you’re not supposed to be home in another two days”

“Change of plans” she replies and sits down next to you “the opposing team had to cancel when we had come halfway there”

“But that doesn’t explain this” you gesture towards the room

“Well Emily texted me and told me that you weren’t feeling good so I wanted to surprise you” she says and crawls into bed next to you, wrapping her arms around you. You nuzzle yourself into the crook of her neck and take in the smell of her. 

“Thank you for this, I needed this today”

“Of course babe, I’ll always be here for you. No matter what” she replies and kisses you on top of your head “Do you wanna eat some now? You might feel better if you do”

“Not yet” you say looking up at her “I just wanna lay here with you for now” 

“Then we’ll do that” she replies giving you a kiss

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Taglist: @tsiamosley​ / @alexbllake​ / @sapphic-stress​ / @sleep-deprived-athlete​ / @jemilyssecretlover​ / @star-stuff-in-the-cosmos​ / @cmslvtt​ / @phatcrackdad​

[glowinggator]

Normalcy

Request:  aaaa can I ask for 36 with Donnie for the kissing thing? thank you, your writing makes me very happy ❤️

Prompt 36: Kissing away tears

Pairing: Donatello/Reader

Content Warnings: The first angst fic... Light angst with a happy ending! 

Word Count: 1095 

Donatello stretches in his bed, pulling his electric blanket closer to him. The heated fabric glides effortlessly over his shell, free of the hard metal and plastic of his battleshell and instead covered with a soft, purple hoodie. It’s a rare sight, to be sure. The neon purple lights of his room cast a cooling glow on his painted pixels, painting a scene that would put even the most devout purple-enthusiasts to shame. Any other time, he’d be sending you photos to capture the moment. Perhaps he’d attach some snarky, witty caption about how “God put him on the earth to serve looks.”

Although, today isn’t a normal day. He runs a lone finger over his phone’s screen, scrolling through long-lost social media. Yours, to be exact. Your profile is decorated with countless photos from different points in your life: friends, family, food, art… Although, most of the photos are old. Likely an abandoned account, or one that you use to keep in touch with family.

It’s hard to imagine being in a relationship when you’re so secluded from the world, Sure, he’s had thoughts: grand and fantastical thoughts of romance that sweep him away, even if they’re never voiced out loud. Oh, how his brothers would tease him if they had heard his lovesick thoughts in his youth. He’d tease himself about it too, honestly. But now, he’s here. He’s given his heart and soul and has been given anothers’ in return. Despite his confident demeanor, he never thought he’d be in an actual relationship, much less with a human, but… he’s here. He made it. And he couldn’t be happier about it! But his mind wanders back to all those nights spent alone in his thoughts, and he realizes something: he’ll never have those small, domestic displays of affection with you. No photos together on social media, no double dates on the surface, no shopping at malls for overpriced t-shirts, no...normalcy. He’s never wanted normalcy, but god, wouldn’t it be nice to spend time with you like that? Or hell, to even hold your hand like a normal person?

Oh, what he wouldn’t give to proclaim loud and proud that he’s your partner and vice versa. To put a face to the name, and for people to know that you’re as much his as he is yours. But... he can’t. And he knows that. But knowing doesn’t make it hurt any less.

You’re so perfect. And he’s so...different.

The tears are falling before he can stop them, and he rubs at the tracks roughly. “Fucking, shit,” he hisses, shooting up from under the covers. He doesn’t know why he’s fighting the tears, but fuck, they won’t stop coming and his heart hurts and he feels pathetic and why do you even stay and-

~~~

Your hand stills above the numpad, hesitating to punch in the last number. Something about the lair feels off. Not a sense of danger per say, but… something doesn’t feel right. Your fingers graze the final number, and the door slides open with a deafening hiss. And fuck, you swear that you can feel your heart shattering at the sight before you. You walk forward quietly, taking as big of strides as you can, and sit down by his side. He jumps when you graze your hand across his shell, as though he hadn’t realized you’d come in at all. His breath stills when your eyes meet, and the look on his face can only be described as pure fear and… vulnerability. He doesn’t breathe but his tears continue to fall, leaving trails of hurt as they run from his eyes, down to his jaw, and onto the plush covers. His eyes dart around your face for a moment before landing on your fallen hand. He doesn’t speak. He doesn’t breathe. Your heart aches.

“What’s wrong?” You whisper.

He doesn’t respond, eyes still glued to your hand. The silence is deafening, and it only serves to fuel your worry. His fingers twitch before curling back into themselves: just as you’re about to press again, he speaks. It’s so quiet that you hardly catch it, but you catch it nonetheless. “It’s nothing,” comes his reply.

“Donnie, please,” you plead, “I want to help. I get it if you don’t want to talk about it, but please, let me help.”

“I just,” he sighs, “I don’t… Why? Why do you stay?”

“Why do I stay?” You ask, “What do you mean?”

“Why do you stay with me? I don’t- I don’t get it! You could be living some great, normal life with a human, and yet you choose me, and I don’t understand why. Like, I, I just…” He fumbles for a moment, trying to find the right words. “I… you’ll never have a normal life with me. And I want to give that to you so bad, but I’m not… I’m not human. I don’t know why you would want to stay with me.” He all but collapses into his hands as the last syllable leaves his lips, only to scratch at the new wave of tears running down his face.

“D, look at me.”

He does so, slowly, but does so nonetheless. You cup his face gently, wiping away his tears with your thumbs. “Donatello, I stay with you because I love you.” You kiss his cheek. “I don’t want a normal life, and I never have.”

Kiss.

“You’re smart.”

Kiss.

“Funny.”

Kiss.

“Brave as all hell.”

Kiss.

“When I see other couples in the street, I smile. Not because I want what they have, but it makes me excited to come back home to you! To listen to you talk about your newest discovery, or your newest invention. To dance among the stars with you, or to walk between worlds with you! I love the way my hand feels in yours, and I love curling up to you in the dead of winter. I love how fucking nerdy you sound when you talk about WoW, how your eyes light up when you get passionate, and the way you talk with your hands. I love your laugh, and the way you smirk when you’re trying really hard not to smile. I love you because you’re you, Donnie. I don’t want normalcy: I want you. ”

And this time, he kisses you. His hands move like lightning to cup your face, and he kisses you like a man possessed. And in between breaths, whispers of “I love you” float out to encircle you both, like down feathers in the wind. [I hope this was okay!! I had a lot of fun writing this <3 Thank you for the kind words!]

[filterjeons]

private show | jjk

✦ pairing: jeon jungkook x reader

✦ summary: throughout your relationship, you never thought jungkook would ask a certain type of action from you. however, you take it into consideration...without the intention of him nearly catching you

✦ rating: M, not suitable for minors

✦ genre: smut

✦ word count: 7.4k

✦ warnings: dom!jungkook, sub!reader, tsundere!reader, rough & unprotected sex (wrap it b4 u tap it!!), dirty talk, degradation bc im a whore for that, masterbation, voyeurism, oral (f receiving), fingering, orgasm denial

Honestly, you didn’t know what you did in your past life to earn a man like Jungkook but you weren’t complaining one bit anyways. By just one look at you, people assumed you weren’t the type to have a boyfriend and you would spend the rest of your life alone. Luckily, you managed to prove them all wrong by being with someone who loved you for the way you were instead of your money. 

It was a blessing and a curse to be born into a rich family of doctors who expected you to be the heir of the family hospital. Despite having your future already planned for you, you fell in love with playing the violin after being introduced to it when you were young. The feeling of holding the violin against your jaw as the bow ran across the strings to produce a classical melody that you’ve familiarized yourself with throughout the years. 

You would much rather be at a violin recital in a beautiful dress playing one of Bach’s sonatas than being cooped up in your room studying biology. However, your parents didn’t feel the same way. 

When you were about 6, you ranked second at a competition against tons of kids who were in their later-preteens but that wasn’t enough to prove to your parents how much you loved music. They took it as a sign of failure because “it’s not being first” and always used that argument against you to emphasize on how you have to be at the top of your class. 

“Mommy! Guess what, I got second place! Second out of a bunch of bigger kids! I didn’t expect-” you squealed, kicking the back of the limo’s glass partition. Instead of candy, you were buzzing with excitement due to how well you placed in your county’s music recital. But what you didn’t know was that even a place close to first was never enough. “Why didn’t you get first?” 

As those words ran through your ears, you felt your blood run cold and the eyes that were dancing of excitement and joy started to dull. You clutched your certificate tightly, tears starting to swell up. 

“That’s because there was a sixth grader who was better than me and she was really good, she can play the piano-” “You see, if you can’t get first then you shouldn’t pursue a career in music. It’s too hard and competitive for you anyways. How about you focus on your studies, especially since you’re going to take over the hospital when you’re older.” 

Up until last year which was your freshman year of college, you obeyed them by devoting your time to studying and only treating music as just a hobby while you hide your feelings along the way. Now that you think about it, you barely had friends during high school since every break period, you were always alone in the music room and you were too stubborn to go up to people. The only reason why you would talk to someone is to work on a group project but it ended up being that you would do all of the work while they slack off. 

Everyday felt dull and uninteresting, especially since you’re being put in a fate that you don’t even want. But like some stupid cliche, it all changed ever since you met him. 

You didn’t even intend to meet him, hell you barely knew he existed. But the night of your chemistry midterm, the apartment next to you decided to have a party which most of the school is invited to and blast loud music that could be heard from the next town over. 

It couldn’t get any worse as you were already stressed from college and your parent’s crazy expectations and you were definitely not failing otherwise you’re dead meat. Normally, you would just try to sleep it out with earplugs but since you barely ate anything but coffee and granola bars and you were tired from the 24 hour studying, that was your last straw. So you did the thing a person would do in your situation: marching over to the party in your purple star-printed nightgown to give them a piece of your mind. 

Already at the door, you could feel people’s stares burn into you, due to why you came to the party when you didn’t bother interacting with people and why you were in your pajamas. Maybe people were going to talk about you on Instagram but you didn’t care, you just wanted to ensure that you have enough sleep so you could at least pass. 

Unfortunately for you, you must’ve looked extremely stupid because you were wandering around the same area like a drunk man. Random people did offer to get you a drink but you declined; after all it was a school night. Eventually you gave up trying to even bother talking after seeing the host, local frat boy Jackson Wang, surrounded by the rest of the partygoers in a beer pong game. 

Frustrated and exhausted, you hauled yourself up to a seemingly empty room and collapsed onto the bed. Not only did you enter a college party in your pajamas but you wasted precious time studying over something idiotic like this. With all of these negative emotions inside of you, screaming inside a pillow was the first thing that came into your mind. And unfortunately, someone had to be the witness of your near mental breakdown. 

“Woah, is everything okay?” a velvety voice chuckled, patting your back slightly. Well, another reason why your night is absolute shit. You turned your face up to chew off the mysterious person but for some reason, your voice was all caught up in your throat. 

He was different, different from all of the boys that ever interacted with you. Despite you being a complete loner, the guys in your high school tried to hook up with you but you were never interested. They stunk of axe and the only reason why they’re “popular” is because they were on a sports team. Besides, you were too busy in your academics to even think about dating. 

You couldn’t really see him but the guy who’s in the room with you looks better than every single guy in your high school combined: his long dark hair in a mini-ponytail contrasting with his cute bunny-like face. 

“Wh-who are you?” “Jeon Jungkook. I’m a member of the boxing team and my family owns a records shop downtown. What about you?” 

“I-i-” “Aren’t you Y/N, the smart girl who doesn’t talk to anybody and spends her time either studying or in the music room with her violin?” Thank god the room is dark because your face was burning up badly. Barely anyone knew you and if they did, they had bad things to say about you because you were so quiet and boring. However, what he said was a fact and you shouldn’t blame him for having an impression on you due to what other people said. It hurted nonetheless though, especially since he was a part of a sports team. 

“Yeah, that’s me. What do you want? If it’s homework answers, then fine!” you snapped, immediately standing up and walking away. You were absolutely done with this night, all you wanted to do is sleep so you have some sanity tomorrow. 

“You sure are feisty. It’s cute,” he said with a cocky grin stuck on his face. Oh, how you wanted to slap it off. 

“If you’re asking me out, I’m not interested!” you fought back. Although you were one step out of the door, something about him made you want to stay. Like you wanted to talk to him. 

“I didn’t say anything about that but if you want it that way-”

“No! I-I’m sorry for acting all rude, I’m just having a really bad night and I’m not in the mood to talk to anyone,” you mumbled, turning on the light. Oh how it was a bad idea..

Now that you could really see his face clearly, your heart felt like it was about to explode. He was dressed in a simple all-black T-shirt and jeans with combat boots to match. What really captivated you were the tattoos on his hand and up to his elbow, each symbol and design etched out beautifully which must’ve taken hours. 

Although you were at least wearing clothes, you felt exposed due to the stupid pajamas you have on. He somehow sensed your embarrassment and gave you a small smirk which made it ten times worse. 

“Well, do you want to explain why you were screaming in a pillow earlier?” Normal you definitely wouldn’t spill her feelings to a hot guy she just met five minutes ago but with him, you felt safe. Like for one night, all your worries and feelings are immediately gone and it’s just you and him. 

Was this the stupid shit they call “love at first sight”? 

“My midterm is tomorrow and I can’t sleep from all of the noise so I came here to yell at the host of the party. Jackson Wang, fuck you and your decision to host a party today,” you sighed, settling yourself next to him. You would expect him to immediately laugh and make fun of you since it was something a lot of people did to you whenever you cared about your grades. Instead, he looked at you with understandment and listened to what you had to say. 

“Honestly, I don’t even know why I went to this stupid party in the first place,” he replied, making you snort out a laugh. As you were trying to collect yourself from his statement, Jungkook’s mouth turned up into a small smile. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t expect that. Anyways, I guess I should get going since I have a big day ahead of me,” you smiled, feeling a small weight being lifted off of your shoulders. As you trudge out the door, Jungkook’s arm stops yours for a second. 

“Do you think I can have your phone number? Not for dating but you sound like a really cool person to be around and no offense but you seem lonely.” “Thanks for the compliment. But here you go,” you said sarcastically, scribbling down your phone number on a random piece of stationary in the drawer next to the bed. Maybe this is all a fever dream, maybe you’re hallucinating due to how little sleep you’ve gotten during midterm week. 

“I’ll see you soon…” he waved you goodbye as you gave a final look at the door. He was interesting but now isn’t the time to be distracted! You’re pretty sure that if you pinch yourself, you’ll be back in your dorm since this is just a dream? “Also, d-don’t take it the wrong way! It’s not like I like you or anything! I just wrote down my number because you asked nicely! We’re never going to date!” Not only did you pass your midterm but your last line to Jungkook in the stuffy college party would become your famous last words. 

It’s been years since you and Jungkook met at that party and a lot has changed then. You started to grow feelings and date him a few weeks after your midterm, eventually making the relationship official in a month. After a few months into dating, he introduced his parents to you first. They were a sweet family with amazing home cooked meals which you were dying to recreate and luckily, they accepted you with open arms. 

However, him meeting your parents wasn’t that smooth. Now that you look back on that day, not only were you permanently deciding to be with the one that you love but it also felt like you were breaking free out of the shell that your parents trapped you in because you didn’t want to go down the path they set for you. 

You shook your head to yourself, not wanting to be reminded of the painful past. Now, you were a violinist playing in recitals and companies and Jungkook was running his parent’s record shop. You were happy and you didn’t care about what your stupid parents think. They can simply ask someone else to run the hospital and it’ll still be fine. 

As soon as the practice track ended, you turned off the metronome and packed your violin away. The apartment that you and Jungkook shared was average-sized, a notable difference from the mansion you used to live in but it was better. You were with the person you love and that’s all you could ever need. It may sound corny but a simple life with him was all you ever wanted. 

After you pack away your violin, you impatiently wait alongside the door for Jungkook to get home. Right now, he has boxing practice for a match next week and he wanted to stay with his teammate Taehyung to be the best that he can but he’s stopping by for a day. You’re not into boxing but like the good girlfriend you were, you attend most of his matches (some conflicted with your performances) and cheer him on. 

Although you miss having him by your side, you’re also aware of how much boxing means to him as it was a break from the hectic life of owning a music store. Another positive in your new life was the amount of music there was, a good break from the science and math that filled your childhood. 

You heard some jiggling among the door locks and surely enough, Jungkook’s handsome face was in your view. He was wearing a black sleeveless shirt and some blue jeans, a very simple outfit after spending most of his time at the boxing gym. 

“Hey baby,” he cooed, giving you a hug and a kiss on the forehead. 

“Hi. I’m so happy you’re back, I was starting to worry that you forgot about me,” you joked, carrying his boxing bag to your shared bedroom with him tagging behind. 

“You know I would never forget about you,” he muttered, wrapping his arms around your waist and kissing the back of your neck. Instead of wriggling away like you normally do, you allow yourself to relish in his affection since he wasn’t a person who did it often. 

“I missed you..” you mumbled, turning around and kissing him. He returned the kiss more passionately, slipping his tongue inside your mouth. The sudden action made you forget about everything, focusing only on him. Unfortunately, with your senses locked on him, it caused you to fall onto the bed, your head nearly hanging off of the edge. Jungkook used your weakness to have more control over the kiss and you, carefully grabbing the back of your head to deepen the kiss. Even though he always controls kissing you, his lips are also full of love and longing due to him being gone for too long. 

“God I missed this,” he mumbled, breaking away to remove the buttons of your blouse and kissing the side of your neck. You whined from his touch, feeling a bit embarrassed due to how much time it’s been since the two of you were together. 

“What is it baby girl, are you nervous? Come on, we’ve known each other for years and I know you can take anything I give you.” It was true of course but for some reason, it felt like the first time you had sex with him. 

After your shirt has been taken off, you unconsciously cover your chest with your arms. You didn’t know why you’re acting so self-conscious, especially since you’ve been a challenger to him in bed. 

“Hey, are you okay? We can stop if you don’t want to-” Jungkook asked softly, reaching over to take your hand. 

What’s there to be nervous about? It’s just Jungkook and like he said, you’ve known him for too long. Besides, don’t you have too much pride to act this way? You swallowed the lump in your throat and looked back at him with a seductive smile. 

“You were taking too long to take off my shirt. How boring,” you said coyly, tapping his nose playfully. He returned your gaze, his eyes darkened with lust and desire. 

“Well then baby girl, how about you take off the rest of your clothes since you seem like you want to do it,” he muttered, sitting up with his attention completely on your chest. One thing you were infamous in your relationship for is being a brat, a mix of you being submissive but not backing down completely. Even though you liked being a good girl sometimes, the rest is just you on the receiving end. After all, you won’t back down to a challenge, nonetheless if your challenger’s your significant other. 

If a person only based off of what they saw, they would think that you were the one taking absolute control due to the aura you give off and your harsh personality. However, at least between you and him since you were one to keep your private life a secret, he is the one with the reins and you were completely fine with it. 

You unclipped your bra, throwing it at some random place in the room and revealed your exposed breasts. He ogled at your body up and down, his familiar lustful gaze running through his eyes. 

“Hey, what are you staring at?” you barked, slowly starting to feel awkward. Unlike you, Jungkook had no shame when it came to your bedroom activities and there were times when he would just stare at you while you’re completely bare. How embarrassing...but it’s no big deal. 

“Watch your mouth you little brat. Do I have to punish you on my day back?” he said darkly, his tone immediately making the back of your hairs stand up. Your face softened, heat forming in your cheeks as you twirled a random piece of your hair, a random habit that you’ve done since elementary school.

“I-I’m sorry.” “Sorry what, baby girl? You’re smarter than that.” “Sorry..sir.” After that word was uttered in your soft and obedient tone, Jungkook could feel his dick growing harder by the second. Hearing you give up all of your confidence and letting him control you never failed to turn him on. 

“Now take off the rest of your clothes, sweetie. Or are you going to continue being a dumb little girl and keep playing with me,” he growled softly, leaning back on the bed frame. You felt like acting up some more but he truly was scary when he’s upset and you didn’t want to make his visit back bad because of your behavior so you simply did what he said. Even though you wouldn’t admit it to the world, you also love obeying Jungkook. 

You quickly unzippered your jeans, pulling them off along with your panties and kicking them out of the bed. The warmth from the clothes were immediately replaced by the chilly air from the air conditioner, your nipples standing up and goosebumps filling your body. It was humiliating, especially since Jungkook can see you so clearly. 

“My precious sweetheart,” he cooed, leaning over you and you could feel his hardened member alongside the roughness of his jeans as he slowly grinded into you. 

“Ahh…” You didn’t know what to say, except you knew you wanted more. Jungkook’s mouth was latched onto your nipples, sucking them harshly while his other hand was massaging and flicking on them repeatedly. You felt your eyes roll back to your head and your pussy dampening, even though he wasn’t doing anything yet. 

“You like this baby?” he asked gruffly, tugging on your nipple teasingly as it sends sparks of pleasure inside you. You only let out a whine in response as he broke apart from your chest and slowly made his way down your body. 

All of a sudden, he inserted one of his long fingers inside of your core, sending vibrations throughout your body. You squealed from the intrusion as your body tried to familiarize itself with his finger, your walls clenching around his digit. 

“Damn, have you gotten tighter since last time?” He started to thrust his finger in and out of you at a moderate pace, trying to get you used to the feeling. As if one isn’t enough for you, he suddenly inserted a second one to stretch you out. 

Your mind was a haze, not paying attention to anything that was happening around you and focusing on the pleasure that Jungkook was giving you. His fingers attempted to reach the spongy section of your g-spot, the place that absolutely had you in hysterics. Surely enough, his fingertips grazed over it and you could nearly come undone at any second. 

While he added an additional finger and completely filled you up, you could feel his smooth tongue on your clit, flicking and sucking on it feverishly. High-pitched moans and mewls were coming out of your mouth embarrassingly as you tugged on Jungkook’s long locks in order to steady yourself of the pleasure. 

You could feel him curl his fingers and touch your g-spot, sending sparks within you. At this point, you were barely in a stable mindset due to how good he was making you feel. You felt a knot building up in your stomach, your orgasm coming close to you. 

“Are you gonna cum now baby girl? Do you want to cum for Sir? Yeah, I know you do, I could feel it coming,” he said tauntingly, his fingers and tongue abusing your cunt and the vibrations among it made the sensation feel even better. 

“Y-yeah, I’m gonna-” you whimpered pathetically but to your dismay, he completely stopped by sliding his fingers out and removing his face. With your release dismissed like it was nothing, you felt annoyance build up on you as your body shook from the denial. 

“What the hell? Why did you stop?” you groaned, your eyes shooting sharp daggers at Jungkook. If looks could kill, he would surely be dead within two seconds. But all that’s on his face were your liquids and a cocky smirk that you want to wipe off instantly. 

“Because I want you to cum on my dick first. It’s been so long since I’ve been inside you, y’know?” he said casually, pulling off his shirt like it was nothing and revealing his impressive 6-pack. One thing that you were always in awe of was his figure. Jungkook was a really athletic person, always finding time out of his day to work out and maintain his muscular body. You didn’t mind if he didn’t have abs but it neutralized his cute face that could easily kill anyone. 

“It’s been a while, yeah? You ready kitten?” Jungkook kicked off his jeans and his boxer that covers his massive bulge was immediately in your vision. You could feel your thighs rubbing together as you were craving him inside you. 

“You’re calling me kitten now?” you mumbled shyly as he sat on the edge of the bed, palming his hardened member. 

“Yeah because you’re my cute kitty, aren’t you? Do you want to take off my boxers for me?” he smirked, knowing how excited you are to see him like this again. Like there was no tomorrow, you yanked it off impatiently and his dick sprang out, hitting his abs before standing up instantly. 

“You’re excited, aren’t you? Don’t deny it,” Jungkook teased, stroking his member teasingly before setting you down on your back and hovering above you. 

“I want it,” you mumbled impatiently, getting excited with the thought of him fucking you until you can’t walk again. He chuckled at your reaction, slowly slipping himself inside you. You shrieked from the sudden movement and tried to make yourself comfortable even though this wasn’t new to you. 

“Alright baby, let’s go,” he said gruffly, slowly pulling out and slamming it back inside within the next five seconds. You let out a scream as he picked up the pace into the all-too familiar rough and fast one. 

“Damn, you’ve gotten way tighter since the last time I’ve fucked your brains out. Feels so good for Sir,” he groaned, his dick completely filling you warm and deep to the point where it could nearly reach your guts. “Does my baby like that? Like getting dicked down where I can feel her in your stomach?” “Ahh, oh my god!” You could only moan and whine in response, pathetic noises coming out of your mouth as Jungkook’s dick hit every surface of your pussy. His veins already made it even more pleasurable and you could feel the tip grazing upon your g-spot, making you even more sensitive. 

It hasn’t been long but embarrassingly, you could feel your orgasm arrive once again due to how good his dick was thrusting into you. As he continued to drill your abused cunt, you could feel your legs tremble at the sensitive feeling and the impending sensation of your orgasm starting to grow in your core. 

“S-sir, oh my god-” you mewled as Jungkook used his force to flip you on your stomach, your face covered in the pillows. You couldn’t feel him inside you for a second but suddenly, he slammed inside you with no remorse and continued fucking you at that fast pace. 

Your cunt throbs as you prepare yourself to cum all over his dick. Jungkook could sense it too by the way your walls started to tighten around him, making it even more pleasurable than the last time you two had sex due to how tight you were. You were praying that he doesn’t deny your orgasm again but there were times where he was that cruel. But you’ve behaved enough to not warrant that type of treatment. 

“Is my baby gonna cum now? Go on, come for me, I want to see you come undone on my dick,” he chanted lowly, his pace fastening due to his orgasm coming in soon. Like his words set off a reaction inside you, you screamed out his name and squirted on his dick and stomach. Using that as fuel to keep going, Jungkook thrusts even faster than before to catch his own high as you try to calm yourself down from your own orgasm. 

“Ahh, Jungkook-” you whined from the sensitivity but you kept holding on so he could cum too. The way his sweat dripped off of his forehead and complimenting with his dark locks nearly made you want to cum again. 

“Fuck, I’m cumming, oh shit,” he moaned out, his thrusts slowing down and surely enough, you could feel his dick spurt out his seed inside you. He started to pull out and stroke himself, spurts of his cum filling up your pussy to not waste a drop. 

You and him started to breathe heavily from the intense fuck as you gingerly pulled up the sheets to cover your body. It’s not like you were embarrassed of him seeing your body, it was a habit you did after you have sex with him.

“Did you miss me?” he smiled, lying down next to you and covering an arm around your waist. You nodded, snuggling up next to him on the neck of his crook. There weren't any words spoken from the both of you for a while, instead you were just enjoying the presence of him next to you because after today, he’ll be gone again. 

If you had it your way, you didn’t want him to go but he really wanted to participate in his boxing match and what kind of girlfriend were you if you didn’t support him? Still, you loved every moment with him and he was the one thing you absolutely loved in your life. 

After a moment of silence, Jungkook broke the silence by facing towards you with seriousness in his eyes. You were worried that something may have happened, so you braced yourself with the worst that could happen. But surprisingly, his words were a bigger shock than any other disaster you could think of. 

“Y/N, do you mind if I ask something of you? I hope you don’t find it uncomfortable or invasive.” “Sure, what is it?” You should’ve known from the cheeky smirk he gave you that he was going to request this type of stuff. 

“I want to see you touch yourself. I think you’ll look so hot fucking yourself with your fingers while all I’m doing is just watching you.” “What the hell?!” 

You were lying if you said you didn’t think about it a lot, especially since Jungkook left the house today this afternoon. Now that he wasn’t there, the apartment felt lonely again and you automatically missed him. 

However, the thought of him also brings you back to the conversation you had after you two had sex after a while. 

“You’ve never touched yourself? I figured that something like that would come easy to you!” “Well- you know I have dignity right! It’s already embarrassing enough that I’m your submissive!” 

“You’re right, it’s already hot seeing you act all whiny and needy for my touch.” “Shut up! Stop making fun of me!”

You shook your head, trying to get rid of Jungkook’s words. With the intent to clean your room to take some stuff out of your mind, you walked to the shared bedroom and started to rearrange random knick-knacks that were placed in peculiar locations. 

While you were wandering around, your eye caught sight of a black duffel bag that was in a hidden corner of your bed. With curiosity, you approached it to check to see what was inside. It was heavy and filled with boxing gloves and other equipment, meaning that it was Jungkook’s. 

He must’ve forgotten it when he left today, you mused, holding the glove to your chest. A normal person would immediately contact him and give it back but it was like a living piece of him, having its name and scent. You can’t believe you already miss him that much to hold onto his boxing gloves for some comfort. How pathetic. 

The smell of him already reminded you of yesterday, when he touched you and made you feel so good. You groaned to yourself as you feel your panties dampening just from the thought of Jungkook giving you pleasure. 

“Y’know what, it wouldn’t hurt to try, right? Alright Jungkook, I’ll do it,” you muttered to yourself as you slowly grazed your fingers to your lower region. You could already feel the slick coming out of your panties, signalling how wet you were. 

You were a smart person but frankly, you were confused on how to touch yourself especially since this was your first time. Memories of the way Jungkook inserted and thrusted his fingers inside you flashed through your mind, giving you an idea on how to start. 

You slide your panties off to your ankles and slowly insert your index finger inside of your core, letting yourself get familiar to your own fingers inside of you. It sure felt different than when Jungkook did it, it wasn’t enough to completely make you feel undone. You pumped another finger inside, giving you something inside at least but it was no better than Jungkook’s touch.

“Ahh, Jungkook,” you moaned softly, flicking your own clit with your fingers which makes the pleasure at least a bit better. You would rather have him with you but it was enough to fill up a small part of his absence. Remembering every time he fucked you harshly was enough to quicken your pace with your fingers, your walls clenching around them and your orgasm closely approaching. 

Your other hand groped your breasts, flicking your nipple and massaging them while the other was thrusting in and out of your needy cunt. You were completely in your own euphoria, the world completely fading away from you. Unfortunately for you, that euphoria is only short-lived. 

An annoying sound ran throughout your room, the culprit being your cell phone. You groaned with disappointment as you attempted to pry your fingers out of your pussy and your orgasm fading away with every time the ringtone chimed. 

With your slick-covered hands, you read the text and your blood started to run cold from the words that were displayed on the screen. 

[Jungkook ♡]

- Hi babe, I’m coming home bc I forgot my boxing bag.

- Sorry that this was sudden

- Actually, I’m outside the apartment rn

You’re fucked. Absolutely fucked. But lucky, you still had a minute to spare to make it seem like you weren’t doing anything. You put his boxing glove back in the bag and wobbled downstairs to the front door. The door locks started to jingle and you immediately opened them just for him to take his bag and go. You love him with all of your heart but now’s not the time to chat with him. 

“Hey Y/N, do you have my bag?” he asked across from you, looking as good as ever. You forced a smile and shoved his bag in front of your face.

“Yeah, it’s this one right? So, here it is so you can get going now! Goodbye!” you grinned, sweat dripping down your face. 

Jungkook looked puzzled on why you were acting that way but decided to go along with it. “O-okay, thanks.” 

“Of course! Now, you should get going now! Your boxing rehearsal isn’t going to wait forever, is it?” you chuckled, trying to push him out of the door but he didn’t budge. After taking a quick glance at you (more specifically your legs and the amount of slick dripping down), he decided to stay. 

“Woah, woah, there’s something going on. Let me in,” he said stubbornly, pushing against you to get inside the apartment.  

“What are you talking about? There’s literally nothing going on! You should go back to the boxing place!” you argued but he wouldn’t listen. Jungkook grabbed your hand and pulled you upstairs into the bedroom and set you down, looking straight into your eyes. You immediately blushed as his eyes held such confusion and hunger inside. 

“Don’t lie to me, only bad girls lie. So tell me baby, what exactly is going on?”

Surely he didn’t know right? You still have some time to lie because there’s no way he knows. 

“I was taking a nap before you texted me.” 

“Without your panties on and a shit ton of slick dripping down your thighs?” he asked with confusion, pulling up your skirt and revealing your soaking pussy, throbbing due to the atmosphere. At this point, you were absolutely stuck in a corner as Jungkook stared at the way you’re completely aroused. 

“Ahh, um..” “Are you cheating on me, Y/N?” His eyes were now full of sadness and hurt and you could immediately feel your heart start to break. 

“N-no! Of course not! I would never cheat on you, you’re the one who I love! It’s just because..” you tried to get the idea out of his head, holding his hands tightly. Jungkook’s face brightened up a bit before being replaced with suspicion.

“So, what’s up? What were you doing while I left?” There was absolutely no talking yourself out of this because Jungkook would find out either way at this point. But at least it’s better than making up a stupid lie, right? “I..um..remember how you said you wanted to see me touch myself yesterday?” “Of course.” “Well...I was doing that..” you mumbled with embarrassment, avoiding his eye contact. Jungkook’s ears picked up what you said and his face lit up with excitement and desire. 

“Say that again for me?” he smirked, loving how soft and shy you were now.   

“I..was touching myself while I was thinking of you,” you said a bit loudly but it was still so embarrassing. You had no idea why he was all so happy right now but it made you happy nonetheless.

“Do you think you can show me?” he grinned, staring up into your eyes. 

“What?! N-no! It’s private right? You see, it’s private for a reason! Now you got your bag and figured out why I was acting weird so you can go now!” you snapped, heat automatically filling up your body. 

“It’s okay, I can skip practice today. This is important, why didn’t you tell me?” “It’s not something I should tell you.” “Anyways, you’ve been a bad girl today. Touching yourself while thinking of me, you’re so naughty. So your punishment is to reenact what you did before I came back and I’m not leaving until I see you touch yourself. But don’t worry, if you need help then I’m always here,” Jungkook purred, his dominant persona on. You gulped down a lump down your throat but you weren’t ready to back down to him yet. 

“No I’m not! I’m not giving up my dignity just yet!” “Come on, little girl. I know you were fucking yourself like a little whore while you were gone. Did your tiny little fingers fill you up completely, better than my cock? I know you didn’t because even though you’re a whore, you’re still such a slut for my dick.” His dirty words made you even more turned on than normal with even more slick running down your thighs. You knew it was better to obey, especially since he’s talking like this. With that being said, you scooted yourself with the back of your head hitting the bed frame. After a minute of hesitation, you lifted up your skirt which revealed your whole pussy to him. Jungkook stared intently, noticing every little twitch that it made as it’s longing for something to be inside it and how wet it has become. His lips were curled into a smirk as your fingers started to graze over your folds. 

Taking a deep breath, you inserted two of your fingers to aid the throbbing in your core. It felt  different than when you did it before, maybe due to Jungkook staring at every little movement you made.

Despite your initial refusal, having him watch over you turned you on even more and the throbbing only continued to get worse after you slowly started to move your fingers. You didn’t know how much it turned you and him on, judging from his erection in his pants. 

“Ahh, oh my god,” you moaned, adding an additional finger and groping your boobs with your other hand.

Jungkook’s mouth was in shock, shocked at how you can look so sexy touching yourself even though it was your first time. His dick was begging to be released in his now tight sweatpants but just watching you like this was more than enough.

He’s never admitted it directly to you but surprisingly, he’s such a voyeur and seeing you wrecked with only your fingers or even a toy could make him cum as hard as him actually fucking you.

“J-Jungkook, please…” you mewled, rocking your hips against your small hands in an attempt to hit your g-spot, where only your boyfriend knows. 

By now, you’ve inserted your whole hand inside of your core and it still wasn’t as satisfying as Jungkook’s long fingers inside you. You should’ve been embarrassed that his vision was at you masterbating but frankly, you didn’t care anymore.

“Shit baby girl, just like that, fucking ruin yourself,” he grunted, slightly stroking his hardened member through his sweatpants. 

“I want your mouth on me,” you cried, slowly starting to feel the same ecstatic feeling of your release. The way his eyes were set on you alone brings you closer to your high as you’re practically grinding on your hand. 

Luckily, Jungkook heard your wish and immediately brought his face down to your core, taking your fingers out and licking your clit like there was no tomorrow. His face was completely buried with the goal of eating you out and getting your cum out of you. It wasn’t a thought that ever crossed your mind but you never realized how much better Jungkook made you feel and how the throbbing seemed to go away after he was with you. His face was absolutely covered in your juices and adding to his warm mouth were his long fingers. 

“You like that don’t you, you slutty little girl?” he hummed, the vibrations of his mouth making you even more closer to the edge. You gripped onto his arm tightly, your fingernails dragging along his muscles due to how much he was giving you. 

You felt his fingers curl against you, hitting your g-spot and bringing you closer to your climax. It felt too good and you were craving to be ruined by him. Jungkook stared at the way you were shoving his hand amongst your tight little cunt, grinding on it as you try to reach your high and the squelching sounds it made. 

Within seconds, you were close to your orgasm and you were trying to chase after it feverishly. His tongue and his fingers were too much for you, even though you received them last night. They made you feel so satisfied and full, always filling you up to the edge and the way he was hitting every spot nearly made you cream all over his fingers. 

Unfortunately for you, he immediately pulled his fingers and mouth away, completely denying you of releasing. The hot feeling and intensity disappeared instantly and was replaced by the familiar throbbing as you let out a groan of disappointment. This was the second time you’ve lost your orgasm and you just wanted to release on him once more. 

“Why did you stop? I was going to-” you growled, your face heating up due to the increased temperature inside. 

“You’re not going to cum when I’m away. Is that a rule you can follow?” he said sharply, licking every remain of your juices off his face and wiping the excess with a tissue. 

“W-why?” “Instead, I want you to send me a video touching yourself but not cumming until my match. Is that an order my little girl can do?” 

You absolutely hated the fact that you won’t be releasing for a while but you didn’t want to get him mad. All you can do is just accept your fate and nod. 

“There you go, don’t worry, I’m going to make you feel so good once I win,” he grinned, kissing you passionately. You could immediately taste yourself on his lips and felt his hardened member upon you. There were more things that the two of you would’ve done but he wouldn’t allow that to happen. 

“Well then, I’ll be off. You’ll behave, right?” he parted cheerily, grabbing his bag and leaving the apartment like he didn’t just completely ate you out and denied your orgasm for the second time. As you heard the door lock, you’re left with your skirt drenched from your juices and the aching feeling between your legs. 

Oh the things that Jungkook does to you. But what would happen if you gave him a little surprise during his boxing match. Surely, you weren’t that submissive and besides, it would be fun to tease him..

“You did great man!” Taehyung cheered, high-fiving Jungkook as soon as his match ended. He shared the same with a bunny-like smile and went inside the locker room to clean up to see you. Not only did he win but he’s going to be staying with you for a while now. 

With a bright spirit, he unlocked his locker and opened his phone to a text message from you. There was an attachment with a seemingly innocent message but once he opened the video, it only fueled his desire. 

[Y/N ♡]

- I miss you so much 

Inside of the video was you fucking yourself with your fingers, high-pitched and incoherent whimpers coming out of you and from the looks of it, it was like you’re about to reach your climax. 

Within the last few seconds, it cuts to you creaming all over the bed and licking your juices off of your fingers seductively with a cute wink at the end. All of that just to rile and tease him. 

Shit, the things that this girl does to me, Jungkook sighs, feeling his member starting to grow inside of his pants again. They were simple instructions yet you can’t obey properly. Maybe it was due to you being a brat and wanting to be put in your place again. 

Well, if there’s one thing that you and Jungkook know, is that you’ll certainly not walk the next day.

a/n: honestly, i’m not too proud of this but i hope you liked it regardless! let me know what you think and have a great day <3

[woodchoc-magnum]

Lone Star Hate Watch - 3x03

Disclaimer: As always - I hate this show, you love it! Please don't read this and have a wonderful day

Eddie Diaz to bless us with his beautifulness before we descend into misery:

Let's suffer together:

Okay I can barely remember what happened in the last episode but here we go

The snow makes this show looks awful

What are the chances that Marjan crashed right where Owen is with all the migrants

Wow the ol' bait and switch, did they teach Owen those fighting skills on the mean streets of Manhattan

Oh great TK's in a coma and now we have to suffer through his subconscious just fucking kill me now

Lisa Edelstein, you deserve better than this show

She also deserves an acting partner who can, you know, act

Like he actually can't act. It's embarrassing

Oh maybe he's dying?! Please? Fingers crossed?

Why is Carlos keeping vigil, like honestly Carlos, you deserve so much better than fucking TK

"It's pretty clear where this is headed?" – do they all think TK is going to die?

Why is this show getting my hopes up

Also I'm just going to point out that at no point did Nancy or Tommy do anything to warm TK up after he nearly froze to death so like… yeah.

"Because of me someone's kid is dying" – babe yeah you should've warmed him up just saying

"How am I supposed to face Owen" – this is assuming Owen will actually care that TK is dying

You know, if it's not to do with his hair or his skin routine does it even matter

I'm really sick of this snow storyline

This guy taking off on his own is going to die

Oh I forgot Paul nearly froze to death as well

I love Judd so much

I was just like "who the fuck are these people visiting Paul?" and it's Lindsay's parents and 100% they're rich

So this is how they get the firehouse back huh

"Would you like a Maserati?" fucking calm down bro

The special effects are sometimes laughably bad

Oh just like I called it, the guy is going to get killed – and I think the police are IN ON IT

And now Marjan is here?

Now the bad cop is chasing Marjan who is in a very easily camouflaged pink outfit, doesn't stand out at all in the snow

Oh great now we're back to TK fucking kill me

You can buy toffee in a jar in the US? What kind of sorcery

"I always be that little boy mom, I still am" TK says in a monotone

"You are surrounded by love" – this fucking reminds me of Taylor saying to Buck that his life is nothing but meaningful relationships

I can't believe Tim is focusing on this show rather than the OG, it's SO BAD.

This toffee in a jar thing… I'm stuck on that. Oh is it like caramel pieces? Do Americans call caramel "toffee"? you guys honestly I am side-eyeing this

"Can we please have a little more time Mom?" can he not go and visit her in New York

I'm so glad they didn't do this for Eddie, my god, it's so dumb

It's so fucking dumb

This Sheriff dude is bad news. You know people talk a lot of smack about Billy but at least he's not a people smuggler, like he could be worse

Julie Benz has gotten herself into a real fucking mess hanging out with Owen Strand let me tell you

Oh dispatch throwing Grace a baby shower

She is TWO WEEKS OUT FROM HAVING BABIES AND STILL AT WORK? My god

Oh she's definitely going into labour in the middle of the snow storm right

Somehow I'm only 22 minutes in

Owen has let the bad cop into his house

Maybe he kills Owen? Fingers crossed!

Marjan should steal the police car

Look I'm just going to say that Owen's hair is looking fucking terrible right now

God I hope this storyline doesn't drag into another episode

Don't you fucking hurt Julie Benz YOU MONSTER

Isn't enough that she died in Buffy, Angel and Dexter HASN'T SHE HAD ENOUGH

This bad cop is such an asshole let me just say

I know this is meant to be tense but I'm so bored

I'm so sick of the ugly snow effect

God damn them for using good music in this show fuck you Lone Star

Roy Orbison? YOU BASTARDS

You know it's funny, I watched Rob Lowe do Hot Ones and he didn't talk about Lone Star once

He's happy to star in it but he doesn't hype it up

Grace I swear to fucking god IF YOU FALL OFF THAT LADDER I WILL FREAK OUT

Oh it's Billy

My favourite 😍

This is how Grace goes into labour, Billy is going to antagonise her into it

Billy wants Judd to be a captain but we all know he won't take that job even though it totally makes fucking sense

Because he's going to go back to the 126 and be second to fucking Owen Strand and that doesn't make sense

And also – like, I know this show is pushing Billy as the villain here BUT he's really not? If you think about it, what he's doing makes total sense? The 126 burned down, it doesn't make sense to rebuild it if they have enough fire stations to cover the city, he's offering Judd a fucking promotion like… ?????? I'm sorry but you will never convince me he's a villain. He's opportunistic, sure, but like, I love him. So I'm fine with it.

I have loved Billy Burke for SO LONG, I will NEVER STOP LOVING HIM

Judd and Billy were BEST FRIENDS? When? Did I know that? Wtf

"The Department would've gone bankrupt trying to rebuild it" – I'm sorry but he's just talking a lot of sense and I think they're all being salty little bitches

Oh was Billy at the 126 with Judd before the place was decimated in Season 1? Okay okay that makes sense

God I love Grace even though I think her anger is misplaced

Oh shit her water broke but thank god she didn't fall off the ladder right

Billy is trying to do the right thing here, like I'm sorry

But you will NEVER CONVINCE ME HE'S A BAD GUY

Five minutes to go come on we can do this

"The universe is shouting in your ear and you can't hear a thing" bitch you are just fucking STEALING LINES FROM THE OG AT THIS POINT

Ugh seriously this fucking annoys me so much

It's lazy fucking writing

Oh fuckkkk now they're fucking singing

FUCK I HATE THIS SHOW SO MUCH

I fast forwarded it I'm sorry guys I can't

TK could die! Fingers crossed!

There's an awful lot of praying in this show which I think is one of the reasons I don't like it

One of the many reasons I don't like it

Billy and Grace are definitely going to end up in a car crash aren't they

Oh no they're stuck in the snow or something? How does she have an SUV with no four wheel drive, I thought that was the whole point

Is Billy going to deliver Grace's baby? Fuck that would be hilarious

Also it's finished thank god

In summation - Judd and Grace (and Billy) continue to be the best parts of the show, I cared for literally nothing else

Eddie Diaz for cleansing energy:

Lone Star needs to get some new fucking material is all I'm saying

Bonus Billy Burke!

How can you hate this man, I love him? I don't get it