#okay i should stop before i get carried away and dump the essay here

[mossiestpiglet]

chewing the walls about the way sunakawa reacts to the ogre story btw like. everyone else sees what the blue ogre did as this unbelievably selfless tragic sacrifice, to leave his home and only friend so that that friend could have the happiness he wanted. but not suna, OF COURSE not suna whose concept of friendship is entirely based around how he feels for takeo. to him, it’s only natural to make a choice like that. it’s the only choice that would make sense.

Who wouldn’t change the entire course of their own life to make their friend happy? That’s just how friendship works guys

[wiypt-writes]

Stark Spangled Banner

Ch49: An Old Friend

Intro: After five years of more or less domestic bliss, Katie’s fear that their peace will be one day shattered comes to fruition as a man they long thought dead appears at the compound.

Warnings: Bad Langauge. Smut (NSFW, 18+)

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Katie Stark and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

A/N: And so we begin the Endgame timeline...and as with all the parts, it has it’s own little banner as made by the talented @angrybirdcr​ who’s made another lovely edit for me here!

Chapter 48 Part 2

Stark Spangled Banner Masterlist // Main Masterlist

  May 2023

“Emmy this room is an utter disgrace!” Steve said exasperatedly as he looked around at the various items of clothing scattered around her bedroom. DVDs lay on the floor instead of in the designated rack, the bed was unmade and various school books were tossed onto the rug instead of at her desk.

“Chill Dad.” She mumbled as she sat cross legged, tapping at her tablet, music blaring from her stereo. “Chill?” He shot her a look “Seriously, we spent a fortune doing this room up last month. Get it tidied.” “Yeah, yeah.”

Steve grit his teeth, jaw twitching with annoyance before, after a moment’s deliberation, he crossed the room and turned off her music.

“Hey I was listening to that!”                                  

“Well, now you’re gonna listen to me.” He stood cross armed looking down at her. “I mean it Emily, get this sorted now, or you can forget going to Philadelphia with Brooke.”

“But, it’s all organised, we leave first thing in the morning!” “It can be unorganised.” His threat was simple but it had the desired effect.

“Fine.” She groaned, tossing her tablet to one side. “Thank you.” Steve replied, sarcastically before he left the room, shutting the door behind him. He made his way downstairs to the kitchen where Katie was prepping lunch, Jamie sat in a chair at the table on a booster seat, colouring in an activity book.

“Look, Daddy!” he pointed to his picture. Steve leant over, one arm on the back of the chair and glanced down at the elephant his son had coloured in purple.

“A purple elephant.” He nodded “Creative.”

“Like in Dumbo!”

“Of course.” Steve smiled, Jamie’s Disney film of the moment. It was one Steve could remember seeing at the theatre before he joined the army. It still creeped him out slightly, the scene with all the drunk elephants. So much so he was convinced the animator had been on some kind of mad drug fuelled trip when he drew it. He ruffled his son’s hair and then moved over to where Katie was slicing up a cucumber for the salad, reaching round to steal a piece as he dropped a kiss to her cheek.

“She tidying it?” Katie asked, her eyes not moving from her task.

“Only because I threatened to stop her going to Philly.” he snorted, leaning on the counter, looking at his wife. He reached into the salad bowl to snatch a piece of pepper and Katie slapped his hand. He grinned as she looked at him.

“Bet that went down well.” “Don’t care. Her attitude stinks.”

“She’s a teenage girl, Steve” Katie smiled. “That’s not the point.” “Honey, just shut the door if the mess bothers you that much.”

Steve sighed, and rubbed at his temple. “I’m surprised the door even opens with the amount of crap on the floor.” Katie gave a little chuckle before she looked at him. “Can you get me the dressing out of the fridge?”

He pushed himself off the counter and opened the fridge. “Caesar or Ranch?”

“Caesar.” She nodded after a moment’s deliberation. “Oh, and the cooked chicken please.” Grabbing them, Steve turned back to Katie and passed her the items, chewing the inside of his cheek. “Do you think I was too strict?”

Katie placed the knife down and looked at him. “Stevie, stop second guessing yourself.” She reached up to run a hand down his cheek “You’re a great dad. All I’m saying is it’s not out of the ordinary for her to have an attitude. She’s fifteen. I was a nightmare at that age, as I’m sure Tony will delight in telling you.”

“Speaking of your brother, what time is he expecting us to drop Jamie off?” “Oh he’s coming to pick him up.” Katie said. “They’re in town anyway so said he’ll be here later this afternoon. I just hope Emmy does as you told her.” “Huh?”

“Because if she doesn’t, you’re gonna have to carry through with your threat. And that means you’ve just flushed our night alone down the lav.” Steve let out a groan, he hadn’t thought about that.

A little while later Katie called Emmy down for lunch. She appeared in the kitchen with a scowl and Katie saw Steve bristle slightly so she decided to get in there first and back him up.

“Straighten your face, young lady.” She ordered sternly as Emmy sat down. “Your dad’s right. That room is an absolute dump.” Emmy sighed and reached over for a warm pitta bread, piling her plate with the salad before she took a deep breath.

“Sorry. I’ll tidy it, I promise.” Steve looked at Katie who gave him a wink as they began to eat.

“Emmy I colourded you a picture.” Jamie pointed to the book which was to his right, out of the way of his plate.

Emmy smiled, and looked at it. “Aww dude that’s awesome. Is it to pin up on my board?”

He nodded and she bopped his nose gently, smiling back.

“I staying at Moo’s tonight?” He asked, turning to his mom.

“Yeah.” Katie looked at him as he picked up a piece of the pitta bread she had sliced into smaller strips for him “Is that okay?” He nodded. “Uncle Nee gives me juice pops. The red ones are my bestest.” “I thought you liked the blue ones?” Steve asked, swallowing his food. “Because they’re the same colour as Cap’s Suit?”

“Red ones better.” Jamie nodded. “Like Iron Man.”

Steve looked at Katie who was biting her lip, trying not to laugh at the look of utter indignation on his face.

“This is good, Mom.” Emmy nodded at the food on her plate. “Better than the incinerated breakfast dad gave us.” Steve half-heartedly glared at his daughter. “I burnt one egg.”

“One too many.” She quipped, and Katie grinned, reaching over for the jug of water. Steve beat her to it and poured her a glass, sliding it over to her before he did the same for Emmy, Jamie already had his in a tippee-cup by his plate. 

“Thanks.” Katie smiled at him before she turned to Emmy “Hey, did you get your grade back for your English essay last week?”

“Oh, yeah, I got an A.” she shrugged.

“Emmy that’s great.” Steve nodded at her, smiling.

“Yeah well don’t get used to it. I don’t think I’ll get one again. I may have upset my tutor.”

“Why?” Katie frowned “What did you do.”

“Well, he’s assigned us a book that is totes inappropriate.”

“What book?” Katie interrupted to ask

“The Colour Purple. I mean it’s good but…”

“Yeah, that is kinda heavy…” Katie frowned, having read the book herself. “What’s the angle?” “Race, gender, and bigotry in the early twentieth century. ”Emmy shrugged “I would have thought To Kill A Mockingbird would have been better but when I voiced my opinion Mr Tozer didn’t like it.”

“So what did you say to upset him?” Steve arched his brow.

“Exactly that. And then he told me it was his way or the highway. Don’t worry, I refrained from calling him Hitler.”

“I guess we should be pleased then.” Steve snorted. Emmy flashed him a grin and went back to eating.

The family made chatter for the rest of their lunch until Jamie poked at his mom’s arm.

“Yes, Sweetie?” “I done now. Fankoo.” He grinned, his plate completely cleared.

“You’re welcome, honey” Katie ruffled his hair “Cake?” He asked hopefully.

“What do you say?” Steve prompted gently.

“Please.” Jamie nodded.

“Do you think about anything but food?” Emmy looked at the small boy.

“You know he doesn’t.” Katie sighed. “He takes after your father in that respect.” “That’s not all I think about.” Steve grinned, as he raised a suggestive eyebrow at his wife over his glass of water.

“Yeah well, thankfully he is way too young for that.” Katie winked as she stood up to get the fruit cake she had made the day before to cut everyone a slice. As she did, she had to bite back the smirk as Emmy sighed at Steve’s blatant sexual reference.

“Gross.”

****

Emmy did tidy her room, so she was dropped off at the coffee shop early evening with her bag which Steve was sure contained more clothes than she needed for the four nights she was away. He made a comment to that effect and the fifteen year old just rolled her eyes and explained she needed two outfits a day,  just in case. Just in case of what, Steve had no idea, and he wasn’t sure he really wanted to know if truth be told. He made small talk with Jennifer over a coffee for a while, instructed his daughter to behave and loudly told Jennifer that if she was any trouble to pack her home straight away. Brooke rolled her eyes but gave him a hug goodbye anyway as he left.  By the time he had gotten home, Jamie had already been picked up leaving the two parents alone. Steve had been planning to take Katie out, but when he suggested it she shook her head and pulled a magnum of Champagne out of the fridge and held it up.

“I got a better idea.” She grinned “Hot tub party for two and take out.” “Champagne, pizza, you in a swimsuit.” Steve grinned, pulling her to him. “Baby, I’m sold.”

Needless to say there wasn’t much relaxing done in the hour they were in the tub, quite the opposite if truth be told. Hands and lips were all over the place, pawing at skin and kisses being exchanged with avaricious force. By the time they’d called for pizza, Katie was feeling thoroughly defiled as she sat on the sofa, wearing one of Steve’s button downs and tore into a large slice of pepperoni as if she hadn’t eaten for a week. Steve grinned, tucking her damp hair behind her ear and dropped a kiss to the side of her head. They settled down to watch a film, but Katie was flat out before it was even ten minutes in and she didn’t even stir bar to murmur something to Steve when he carried her up to their room.

Steve woke the next morning, wrapped around his wife, her warm body pressed to his chest, one arm under her neck, the other draped over her waist. He sighed in contentment, it was bliss, knowing there was nothing to get up for. No constantly hungry three year old to feed, no lunches to make, no school runs, no meetings until later, nothing. Snuggling into her closer, the arm that wasn’t trapped underneath her swept her hair away from her face, before his lips skated over her jaw and down the side of her neck. As her eyelids fluttered his large, gentle hand trailed down the curve of her hip and slid between her legs, caressing the inside of her thigh. Katie took a deep breath, shifting automatically, still half asleep, spreading her legs a little wider. She rolled her head over her shoulder, blinking and she was met with those blue eyes she loved so much, the owner wearing a devilish smirk.

“Morning.” He rasped, his voice low with sleep and desire.

“Good morning.” She grinned, biting her lip as his hand moved back up over her stomach to her breasts underneath the shirt she was wearing and he began to tease her softly, causing her to moan as he rolled a nipple between his fingers, the sensation burning in her stomach. She rolled onto her back and Steve settled between her legs, her arms winding around his neck as he captured her lips with his, soft and slow before he pulled back to peel his shirt off her body, tossing it down the side of the bed. He turned his gaze downwards, eyeing up her blue lacy panties before he groaned and lowered himself over her again, kissing her and sliding his tongue along hers. Katie wrapped her legs around his hips, grinding against him to get any friction that she could. His hands trailed down her sides and under her back, fingers gently grabbing at the waistband of the lace before he broke the kiss and unhooked her legs from around his waist. He gently pulled her underwear down, shimmying under the covers as he removed the garment and then kissed up her right leg, his lips hot as he made his way from her ankle up to her inner thigh, pushing her legs open wider.

His actions were controlled, slow. There was no rush after all. His mouth and tongue gently worked her to distraction, flicking at her clit over and over. She was a writhing mess within minutes, her hand fisted in his hair, the other grasping at the sheets, the noises flowing freely because they didn’t have to be quiet. Her fingers tightened on his scalp and she gave a cry of his name as her hips bucked upwards, her legs tensing slightly before they flattened against the bed, her breathing heavy and ragged. With a smirk at how easy he could undo her, Steve moved back up the bed, one hand pushing his sleep pants down. Without a word he lined himself up with her, letting out a loud groan as she slid a hand between them, stroking him before guiding him inside. He moved slowly, deliberately, until every inch of him was sheathed. Katie’s eyes rolled back as he stretched her, her groan was loud as he laced his fingers into hers. Steve let out a shaky little whimper as he moved his pelvis slowly, pushing back against her hands.

Every thrust was deep, slow, measured, his mouth moving from hers to her jaw, neck, collar bone. The house was quiet, nothing but the sound of soft cries and kisses could be heard as Steve continued his thrusts, whilst his wife purred into his ear, and he let go of her hands to bring one of her legs up round his hip. She let out a cry at the change of angle as he picked up the pace slightly, but not much, Katie’s nails raking down his back as her pleasure rose. The sensation made him shudder and he doubled his efforts, her hands sliding down, grabbing at his flexing ass, urging him on and, as always, he was happy to oblige.

“Shit, Stevie,” the cry of his name turned into a complete babble which died in her throat as she tightened and pulsed around, him, her body shaking with pleasure.

“God, Doll,” Steve was right behind her as he came with a low moan, his hips thrusting until he was completely spent, his head buried in the side of his wife’s neck.

Katie tipped her head back in satisfaction, sighing softly as Steve pushed himself up slightly. He gently ran his nose up her throat, taking her bottom lip between his and he let out a loud, satisfied sigh of his own. He loved his kids, beyond anything but man he enjoyed being able to take his goddamned time making love to his wife without the patter of little feet across the hall meaning they were about to be interrupted. “Baby,” he said softly, his lips gently smoothing the skin underneath her ear “Hmmm?” She asked, her hands creeping into his hair as her head rolled to the side, eyes still closed in pure bliss. “Look at me, kitten.” She obliged, and emerald green met ocean blue as she held her husband’s gaze. He gave her a soft smile, and she reciprocated, the affection on his face blatantly evident. “I love you,” he said, as she reached up and gently brushed the longer strands of his hair back over his forehead, “more than you can ever know”

“Will that still be the case when I’m old, grey and wrinkly but you still look like you’re straight out of GQ magazine?”

Steve frowned as he looked at her, this wasn’t the first time she had mentioned that. He shook his head and sighed softly, unable to do anything but repeat what he told her the last time she’d raised the issue.

“I told you baby girl.” he gave her lips a quick peck, “it’s me and you till the end of the line.”

After a lazy breakfast, Katie headed off to collect Jamie from Tony’s and Steve made his way into Manhattan for the two support groups of the afternoon. The first one was always the busiest and it took a little longer this week as they had a few new faces. This didn’t surprise Steve, people were still five years later coming to terms with opening up about their heartache or problems, but the core of the group were always welcoming. He had an hours break before the second, slightly quieter group so he took a walk. Their air was damp and there was a gloomy fog descending over the city, making it darker than it would normally be for the time of day, but it wasn’t cold. He grabbed a coffee from the shop round the corner and headed back to start the second meeting.

The meetings always followed the same format. There was ten or so minutes of everyone arriving, grabbing refreshments, saying hello and then they would form the usual circle and Steve would start the discussions with a chat about something he’d done or seen that week that was positive before moving to something he’d done or seen that week that wasn’t so positive, and then invite other people to comment and do the same, gently coaxing them into opening up.

“So, I went on a date the other day.” A man named David sighed. “First time in five years. I didn’t know what to talk about.”

“What did you talk about?” Steve pressed gently, patient as ever.

“Same old crap, you know? How things have changed. My job. His job. How much we miss the Mets,” David paused taking a breath, “then things got quiet. He cried as were serving the salads.”

“What about you?” Another man, Ian, asked hopefully.

“I cried,” David trailed off, “just before dessert,” There was a slight pause, “but I’m seeing him again tomorrow, so…”

Steve gave a small smile. “That’s great. You did the hardest part. You took the jump, you didn’t know where you were gonna come down. And that’s it, it’s those little, brave baby steps we gotta take, you know, to try and find purpose.” He paused and looked around the group, biting the inside of his cheek. “I went into the ice in forty-five right after I met the first woman I’d ever loved. Woke up seventy years later and met the love of my life. She gave me hope, she gave me a purpose, a reason to keep going in the crazy new world I’d found myself in.” He paused again and looked around at the attentive faces assembled in a circle. “You gotta move on. The world is in our hands. It’s left to us guys. We gotta do something with it. Otherwise, Thanos should have killed all of us.”

Steve let the meeting roll for a little longer, everyone discussing what he had said before it came to a natural end and, with a glance up, he saw Katie and Jamie pushing open the door, Katie holding a huge box full of brownies.

“Looks like you’re all in luck!” Steve nodded towards his wife as Jamie ran across to his father who smiled and swept him up into arms, planting a kiss onto his head before replacing him on the floor. He looked over at Katie and she smiled back, placing the box of treats down on the table. She often did this, popped into a few of his sessions over the week with some form of snack for them all when she had time, her way of helping out, and Steve loved her for it. 

Over the next ten minutes or so, various people drifted over to the side of the room, greeting Katie and grabbing a brownie. She gave David a hug and cheekily told him to behave on his next date as Steve wrapped an arm around her waist and kissed her forehead in greeting as they waved the man away.

“How long where you at the door?”

“Long enough.” She told him, knowing instantly why he was asking.

“I meant it.” He turned to look at her. “Every word you know.”

“I know, and for the record you’re the love of my life too.” She grinned “My husband, my baby daddy…” 

Steve smiled and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. 

“Gross.” Jamie gagged, sticking his fingers in his mouth, an action he had learnt from Emmy.

There was a pause before Steve grabbed Jamie and launched into a tickle attack until the boy was screeching and running from his dad who chased him round the hall. Katie watched her boys as Jamie feinted left and Steve let him get away, before the little boy dived under a table and out the other side of it, cackling in a way so like his father.

“Don’t think that’s gonna save you, pal.” Steve easily vaulted the table, picking Jamie up, throwing him over his shoulder, patting his backside once with a large hand.

“Momma, help!” Jamie’s voice was punctuated with laughter and with a grin Katie strode forward and her hands went straight to Steve’s sides from behind, and she began to tickle him.

“Oh sh-stop it!” Steve cackled, his ridiculously ticklish nature was always his downfall. He let Jamie down as Katie continued her attack and he whipped round, grabbing her and spinning her round. He folded her arms across her chest, pinning her back to his front as he dropped his mouth to her ear.

“You’re gonna pay for that later.” “Promises, promises Captain.”

****

There was a presence to Katie’s right and she felt the soft weight of a hand against her cheek. It was too small to belong to her man, but the perfect size and weight to belong to her boy.

“James,” a soft, deep voice whispered, warning in the tone, “this is the second time I’ve told you and there won’t be a third. Leave your ma alone. She’s sleeping.”

Katie sighed and stretched. “It’s okay, I’m awake”  

Jamie giggled and surged forward giving her a peck before falling back onto his father’s pillow, "Morning Momma!”

“Good morning, Sweetie.” She yawned rolling onto her side, dislodging Lucky who had been asleep with his leg resting on the back of her knees.  As ever Jamie had his stuffed Cap bear with him, along with God knows how many other toys all which adorned Steve’s side of their enormous bed.

“Morning, Baby.” Steve bent over from behind her, pecking her cheek too.

“Hey.” She smiled, rolling her head to catch his lips, noticing his bare, damp chest from the shower. “What time is it?”

“Little past seven. Somebody-“ Steve glanced at Jamie, “-was awake at half Five.” “Not sleepy daddy.” “Really, I didn’t notice.” Steve replied, sardonically. Katie chuckled as Jamie frowned, the sarcasm utterly lost at him.

“Momma, we hided in the fort.”

Steve and Jamie had made a blanket fort in Jamie’s room last night in which they had hidden in for their bed time stories. Jamie had insisted they left it up, and considering it wasn’t in the way, Katie had been happy to oblige. Steve, who had gotten a lot better with dealing with the mess Jamie left around over the years had resisted the urge to fold away the blankets and his wife had pulled him out of the room when the pair of them had popped in to check on Jamie before he could change his mind.

“Mighty fine Fort it is too.” Steve ruffled his son’s hair.

“What time are your meetings today?” Katie asked, looking at Steve. His groups ran at different times during the week. This way, it made sure that there was a day or night everyone could attend at least one session a week.

“Last one finishes at four today. Why you ask?”

“Well, I thought seeing as we didn’t see Nat at the weekend, we should pop in.” “Auntie Nat-Nat, yay!” Jamie clapped his hands “Maybe she can come see my fort.” “You should tell her about it.” Steve nodded, before his attention turned to Katie. “Might convince her to leave the compound.” “Yeah, maybe.”

“What do you fancy for breakfast?” Steve swiftly changed the subject.

“I can bake some cinnamon rolls if you want?” “You don’t have to do that.” “I know, but they’re already made so just need to go in to the oven and I also I know someone id going to ask for pancakes and he isn’t having them three days on the run.” “Waffles?” Jamie whipped his head round, hopefully.

“No.” Katie shook her head. “Cinnamon rolls or cereal, your choice.”

“Can I have both?”

“You two will eat me out of house and home.” Katie rolled her eyes. “Yes, if you want both you can have both.”

“Cool, man.” Jamie nodded, in a way that was so like Emmy it made Steve turn back to face his wife from where he had ben stood at the dresser pulling out his clothes, a smirk on his face. The pair of them watched as their son announced he was going to get dressed and dropped onto the floor, heading out into the hallway, Lucky following.

Katie watched as Steve pulled on a pair of sweats and she cocked her head to one side.

“Did you seriously call me Jamie’s Ma before?”

Steve grinned. “Sorry.” “Makes me sound like I’m ninety” she snorted.

“Try actually being ninety.” Steve scoffed, and Katie laughed as he started to crawl over her in the bed, pushing her back gently.

“Hate to break it to you, Captain Badass, but you’re actually a hundred and five.”

“Thanks for the reminder.” Steve muttered gently, his lips pressing to hers. She happily melted into the kiss her hands straying up and down his bare chest, before she pulled away knowing that if they carried on she’d be wanting a lot more.

“Stop it.”

“What?”

“This.” Katie pouted.

“I only wanted a kiss.” Steve looked at her, eyebrow raised. “You have a dirty mind, Mrs Rogers.” “Years of being with you.” She shrugged and Steve laughed, standing up. As he headed across the room Katie couldn’t resist one last quip. “Nice ass…daddy” Steve turned round, a wicked grin on his face as he held his arms out at either side of him, as he walked backwards for a few steps. “It’s all yours, momma.” He smirked, before turning round and heading out to help Jamie get dressed.

The rest of Katie’s day was pretty much the same as it always was. She dropped Jamie in at the day-care and headed up to her office for her fifteen minute start up meeting with Soray. After going  over her diary for the day, she spent most of the morning sifting through the mountain of emails and responding to the ones she needed to. After a quick chat with Emmy at lunchtime, the girl enthusiastically telling her all about how her and Brooked had run up the Rocky steps and were eating a tonne of Philly cheesesteak, Katie headed up to the boardroom for the Monthly Financial Review. Escaping at little after three, she picked Jamie up and headed to the store to grab something she could make at the compound for dinner. Once Steve was home they all jumped in the car to make the hours drive up state owards the compound.

Steve drove easily down the highway, one hand on the steering wheel, the other laying on the arm rest in between the front seats, whilst next to him Katie hummed along to the John Legend playlist that was playing. Steve cruised the Audi onto the bridge which would take them out of Manhattan and frowned gently as he noticed that the cars ahead were all coming to a halt. As Steve slowed the car down, Katie too narrowed her eyes as people started getting out of their cars, heading to the side of the bridge, pointing.

“Wait here.” Steve instructed, climbing out of the car, Captain mode engaged.

“What’s happening?” Jamie asked.

“Daddy’s gone to see.” Katie turned to smile at him before she turned back, watching Steve approach the side of the bridge and speak to the nearest man before looking down. His mouth dropped opened and he turned, jogging back to the car.

“You’re not gonna believe this!” He shook his head, excitement all over his face as Katie climbed out of the car. “Come see.” He opened the back door of the car and unstrapped Jamie from his seat. Picking him up in his arms, Steve made his way to the side of the bridge, wife by his side and he pointed downwards.

Katie felt herself gasp at the sight- a small pod of whales leisurely making their way through the Hudson River.

“Wow.” She whispered.

“What are they?” Jamie asked

“Whales.” Steve replied. “Humpbacks, I think.”

Steve tried to keep the smile on his face genuine, but he hated it when Jamie saw something out of place in the new world that he was born into which would have been perfectly normal in the world that they once knew. Whilst a pod of whales in the Hudson was an astounding sight for sure, and would have been unheard of even before the Snap, the fact that it was Jamie’s first time ever seeing a whale made him slightly sad. They had been a pretty common sight around the ocean waters in and around the bays leading out into the North Atlantic. That was until Thanos had killed half of them.

Jamie giggled and pointed out that the biggest whale was being followed closely by a slightly smaller one, and then an even smaller one after and then a tiny one.

“Daddy, Momma, Emmy and Jamie.” He smiled at Steve who chuckled, smoothing Jamie’s hair back.

“Come on Kiddo, let’s go see Auntie Nat” When they arrived at the Avengers compound, the sun was just beginning to set. Steve drove round to the rear entrance and the gate creaked open as the ANPR scanners recognised the car. He parked the car in their old designated spot before he collected the bag of ingredients from the trunk that Katie had bought to make dinner with. Together the three of them headed inside, FRIDAY welcoming them all as they made their way towards the living area, and they could hear Natasha closing up a meeting.

“Nat,” Rhodey’s voice was almost pleading but Nat cut him off

“Please.” She begged.

Katie had a feeling she knew what she was talking about, or rather who. She glanced at Steve as they rounded the last corner to the large meeting-slash-living room and it was then that Katie could hear Natasha trying to stifle her cries. At that point Jamie ran in and jumped onto his Aunt’s lap hugging her tightly.

“Don’t be sad, Auntie Nat-Nat.” He whispered, and Natasha took a deep breath, leaning her head against her nephew’s with her eyes closed hugging him back.

Steve leaned against the bookshelf for a moment as Katie walked into the room, taking the bag of ingredients off Steve as she took in the sight of Natasha’s dinner of a peanut butter sandwich which rest on top of the table.

“You know, I’d offer to cook you dinner, but you seem miserable enough.” Steve opened, looking down at her with a smile.

“So I’m gonna do it instead.” Katie smiled, holding up the bag she’d brought, dropping it onto the table. “Chicken stew, dumplings and chocolate cake for after.”

Natasha looked at them, a smile playing on her face as Katie sat down across from her. “You guys here just to feed me?”

“And to see a friend.” Steve shot back.

Natasha leaned back into her chair, Jamie still on her lap. “Clearly, your friend is fine.”

“Bull.” Katie mimicked her stance, eyeing her. Natasha avoided her gaze and the room fell silent.

“You know we saw a pod of whales as we were coming over the bridge.” Steve broke the silence, changing the subject.

“In the Hudson?” Natasha raised her head slightly, sounding impressed.

“There was a Jamie whale and a daddy whale and a momma whale and an Emmy one!” Jamie gushed and Nat smiled.

“I haven’t seen whales in the Hudson ever, even before.”

"Well, there’s fewer ships, cleaner water.” Steve shrugged

Natasha sighed looking up at the ceiling. “You know, if you’re about to tell me to look on the bright side, umm, I’m about to hit you in the head with a peanut butter sandwich.”

“Sammich?” Jamie looked up hopefully and Natasha tore off half of one side before passing it to him.

“Sorry.” Steve sighed pushing himself off from the bookshelf, his jacket slung over his arm. “Force of habit.”

He tossed his keys onto the table, dropping his jacket over the back of a chair before sitting down next to his wife, glancing at Jamie who was now eating a small piece of the sandwich, then at Natasha. The woman looked tired, pale and such a far cry from the stoic, well-groomed Natasha Romanoff he had first known. But then again, they were all a far cry from the people they had once been.

“You know, I keep telling everybody they should move on, and forget what happened.” Steve crossed his arms as he leaned back in his chair. “And some do. But not us.”

“If I move on, who does this?” Natasha asked simply with a shrug.

Katie sighed. “Maybe it doesn’t need to be done.”

“You know, I used to have nothing. And then I got this- this job, this family.” Nat smiled sadly and looked down at Jamie before she looked back up, the tears evident in her eyes. “And I was better because of it. And even though they’re gone, I’m still trying to be better.”

There was a pause as Katie wiped her eyes, a tear having escaped down her cheek and Steve gently placed his hand between her shoulder blades, rubbing softly.

"I think we all need to get a life,” he joked, breaking the sad silence, and Natasha forced a smile nodding to him.

“You did.” At her words, Steve gave a smile. She was right, he had. Whilst he and Katie had been extremely lucky over the last five years, that didn’t stop them thinking about the people that hadn’t, and the friends they had lost.

Katie reached for the bag she had placed on the table. “I’ll go start dinner.” She was mid-way through standing when a small, holographic screen popped up in front of Natasha indicating she had a notification of sorts. She flicked it to the side, bringing the video feed to life behind Steve, who looked over his shoulder as the video began playing.

“Oh, hi, hi! Is anyone home? This is, uh, Scott Lang. We met a few years ago, at the airport, in Germany. I was small, then I got real big.”

Katie left the bag where it was and whipped round, to see Scott on the screen, stood in front of his van. Besides her Steve stood from his seat, unable to believe what he was seeing.

“This…this is impossible.” Katie breathed, shaking her head. “He was…”

“Is this an old message?” Steve asked, his voice quiet, not taking his eyes off the footage.

“Ant-Man! I know you remember Ant-Man.”

Natasha’s reaction was much the same as theirs, confused awe as she sat up, breathing deeply. “It’s the front gate.”

“I really need to talk to you guys!” Scott continued to yell his voice becoming desperate.

The three of them remained frozen for a moment, absolutely lost for words, before Jamie broke the silence.

“Who’s that?” He asked, jumping down from Nat’s lap. “An old friend.” Steve swallowed, turning to Natasha who was fishing in a drawer for the key to the main gate which had been padlocked shut for years as no one used it anymore. She found it, tossed it to Steve and he caught it expertly before heading off to go meet Scott.

**** Chapter 50

 **Original Posting**

[agustdomain]

October Ink | #1

You and Donghyuck have big plans to show off your couple costumes Halloween night. Nothing’s going to ruin that... right?

You should’ve brought your bag to school today. Huffing, you adjusted your binder and books in your arms once more, cursing Donghyuck out in your mind. How did he convince you that your backpack was going to throw off your couples costume?

It wasn’t unbelievable that the Wasp and Ant-man wouldn’t carry backpacks. 

The air smelled of pumpkins and damp leaves, and as the sun set up ahead, you tilted your head back, welcoming the chilly air. Kids ran by with their halloween bags, their giggles making you smile.

You truly loved fall. There was nothing like it. Of course, Christmas was magical. Spring reminded you that the warmth was coming, so cherish the pastel aesthetic. Fall? It was travelling to another dimension.

The book on the bottom of your stack started to slip out of your arms again, so you prepared yourself to heave them up- only for hands to jab your sides and a low voice in your ear. You jumped, your books flying to the sidewalk as you sent your elbow flying back into the attacker’s stomach. 

“Shit!” You instantly recognized the voice, reeling around to see Jeno doubled over, looking more comical than ever in his skeleton costume. “You didn’t recognize my voice?!”

“Yeah, because I’m supposed to guess it’s you by your evil growl. What’s wrong with you?!”

“I literally just saw you! We were just in stats together. We live in the same neighborhood, for crying out loud.”

“It’s Halloween. My eyes are on the lookout for dolls in striped shirts and babysitter slashers.”

Jeno rolled his eyes, grabbing your books like they were the weight of pillows. He matched your pace- well, you had to match his but that's besides the point. 

“I forgot how jumpy you could be.”

You side-eyed him, never being able to stay mad at him for long. You’d known him for the duration of high school, and he was probably the sole reason you were so bad at math. How could you focus when he was always making witty remarks underneath his breath that made you laugh?

“You and Hyuck are still going to Yeji’s party tonight right?”

“Yes, Jeno, I already told you. Besides, he insists on showing off our costumes.”

“They are pretty cool. I would’ve gone for Cap and Black Widow though.”

You scoffed. “If that were the case, it would be HULK and Black Widow.”

The two of you proceeded to argue over Black Widow’s true soulmate, eventually settling on your agreement that Natasha deserved better in general.

The conversation shifted, Jeno complaining about how Jaemin spent too much time in October trying to prank him. You teased him, throwing his own line of “I forgot how jumpy you could be”. He brushed it off with a roll of his eyes and a plan to scare the shit out of Jaemin at the party tonight. 

You humored him, daydreaming about how cute Donghyuck would look in his Ant-Man suit. 

“Well, this is me,” You nodded, like he didn’t know this was your house.

He handed over your books. Jeno waited for you to climb up the steps and unlock your front door, smiling and waving as you turned to give him a nod. 

Just before he disappeared out of view you called, “You couldn’t have come up with a better costume? I mean, skeleton?”

He stretched his arms out. “I’m Johnny. From Karate Kid? Get it together, Y/N.”

Shaking your head, you went inside. 

A few hours passed, and you spent most of the time eating too much candy and getting pulled back to the tv to watch Halloween when you should’ve been doing your homework. Why do teachers want to kill any sort of joy?

It was 8 pm, Donghyuck was going to pick you up in thirty minutes and you were cursing yourself out for watching Michael Myers running around killing people more than doing this last assignment. 

You drilled away at your laptop, muting the tv and opting to play a spooky playlist on Spotify. Here and there, you’d get pulled away from the couch to hand out candy. You really were a hero. 

There was a page left of your essay, and your fingers were aching. You didn’t want to hear Donghyuck’s whining if you weren’t ready when he pulled up. A part of you wished that you had just gone to your parents’ work party- nope. Even now, you refused to mentally agree with that.

Phone going off, you prepared yourself to come up with a smooth apology- only to be graced with good luck. 

baby                8:27 pm  

 Running a few minutes late. Should be there by 9. 

He was lucky your parents were a little lenient on Halloween. Though, that only gave you two, maybe three hours at the party. You texted him back quickly, feeling good about being able to BS the rest of your essay in time. 

The extra time loosened up your worries, even forcing yourself to take a bathroom break. When you came back, you settled in and got to work finishing up.

With a few minutes to spare, you finished and printed it out, putting it away in your bag. There was nothing like the excitement that hit you then. Yeji’s parties were always fun, though you didn’t get to go often. It was a miracle your parents let you on a Thursday. Like you said, leniency. 

You spent the last few minutes eating pretzels and catching the beginning of Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers. Getting caught up in the movie, you didn’t realize that quite a few minutes have passed. When you checked your phone next, your eyes widened at the 9:34 pm displayed on your lock screen. Usually, you’d catch yourself admiring the photo of Donghyuck kissing your cheek, a huge smile on your lips. Not this time.

Lowering the volume, you clicked his name and called him. You waited and waited, the fourth ring passing by… the fifth. After it went to voicemail, you tried again. Still no answer. You texted him, wondering what was going on. 

A text came in and you clicked it, your shoulders relaxing only to deflate at Jeno’s name. 

jeno                  9:38 pm

“YeS JeNo. I aLrEaDy ToLd YoU-”

MY ASS! Where are you????

Texting him quickly, you realized that the reason your heart was beating so fast was because Donghyuck never did this. Even if he ran late, he always kept you in the loop. This was not the night for him to be pranking you. 

We are! Donghyuck said he’d be here by 9 and he’s not picking up the phone. 

I’m worried. He never does this. 

The three dots showed up, then disappeared. After a minute that felt like a mile, Jeno texted back. 

jeno.               9:41 pm

Don’t freak out. I’m sure it’s fine. You want me to come over? Jaemin can drive. He’s the DD. 

The thought made you feel better, and it took everything in you not to say yes. You had to think clearly though and not jump to conclusions. It was only thirty minutes. Donghyuck could’ve been driving, or fell asleep, or just hasn’t seen his phone. 

Your phone started ringing, making you jump. You breathed deeply as you answered Jeno’s call. 

“Hey,” You tried to control your tone, not wanting to ring any alarm bells. It was loud on Jeno’s end, music making it hard to hear him

“Did you see my text? Jaemin and i can head over if you want.”

He already sounded a bit gone, but you appreciated his concern. Breathing in deeply, you made a choice.

“It’s fine. I’ll give him some time.”

“Alright, well let me know. Doesn’t matter what time it is. And you shouldn’t be moping around alone on Halloween anyways. If I find out he flaked on you, I will pummel him-”

“Relax, it’s okay. I’m sure something came up. He’ll be here soon.”

You hung up, ropes tightened taut in your stomach and making it hard to breathe let alone think. Putting your phone down, you tried focusing on the tv. It didn’t work, picking it up again and calling Donghyuck. No answer. 

Sweat was beginning to build at your lower back, so you pulled off the top of your costume. It was okay, you had to tell yourself. Don’t jump to conclusions. As much as you loved Halloween, it always made you extra jumpy. 

All the candy and worry made you queasy, so you went to the kitchen to look for something to eat. Not in the mood to make anything, you pulled out some leftovers from last night. Right as you grabbed it from the fridge, three loud bangs came from the front door. 

Almost dropping the container, relief flooded your veins as you closed the fridge and put the container on the counter, beelining for the front door. 

Your hand paused on the knob, eyes finding your phone. If it was Donghyuck, he would’ve called. Peeking out the peephole, your breath went still at the lone figure on your porch, clothed in black, a wolf mask with a snarling mouth hiding their face. 

Their hands were in their pockets, no bag for candy in sight. 

This wasn’t Donghyuck. Your gut was screaming at you that this wasn’t a trick or treater either. 

Your phone went off then, but you hesitated to look away from the peephole. Debating what to do, you raced for your phone and back to the door. 

They hadn’t moved, like they were a mere decoration on your front porch. You picked up the phone, breathless. “Hello?”

“What do you want?” 

Your eyebrows drew together, pulling the phone away to see it was Donghyuck. It was him, his voice, everything. Why was he so mad?

“What do you mean? Where are you?”

“Like you care. What, regretting it already?”

Blinking, stranger on the porch forgotten, you searched for words. Your mouth worked for you. “Regret what? What are you talking about’?”

“Stop calling me. Texting me. You think you can just dump me and pretend it didn’t happen?”

You couldn’t breathe for a different reason now, mind muddled. “What? I- Donghyuck, I didn’t break up with you. What are you even talking about?”

“Y/N. You just texted me after I said I’m running late. Told me to go fuck myself and you were done. What, you have short memory now? Real nice.”

You were unable to breathe, goosebumps breaking out against your skin. Turning back to the front door, you uttered, “I didn't text you that, Hyuck. I would never...”

There was a silence louder than any party on the other side of the phone. Just as disbelief filled his tone, hitting you with, “What?” a large bang sounded at the front door, a scream breaking past your lips as you flinched.

You checked the looks on the front door, ignoring your phone in your hand as you raced to the kitchen for a knife. You could hear Donghyuck screaming, calling your name, but you couldn’t focus. Just as you reached the kitchen, you caught a shadow at the back door. 

Backing into the hall, you glanced around the room, debating what to do before running down  to the hall closet, fumbling through the dark to grab your dad’s baseball bat. 

Putting your phone to your ear, you cut off Donghyuck’s worried words. “There’s someone here. I think they’re gonna break in.”

“Call the cops. I’m on the way.”

“Okay but-”

“I’ll be there right now. Just hide.”

You did what he said, ignoring the banging at the back door. Locking yourself in the bathroom, you tried to stop your shaking as you talked to the operator. 

The nightmare worsened when they had trouble believing you, it being halloween after all. After sitting there arguing, they said they’d send a police car out to check up on you. They kept on talking to you, calming your nerves and telling you they’ll be there soon. 

The worst sound you could ever hear when you were alone at home? A knock at the bathroom door.

“Leave me alone!” You yelled, phone long forgotten as you raised the baseball bat. 

The knock came again, gentle. Just once. The doorknob rattled. 

Breathing sharply, you tightened your grip, waiting for them to break down the door. You froze at fast footsteps, a thump, then scuffles. You went cold at Donghyuck’s voice, loud and angry. 

Throwing the door open, he and the guy in the wolf mask were rolling around, trying to get the upper hand. A figure from the corner of your eye came rushing down the hall, so you swung as he neared. 

The guy ducked just in time, reaching to grab you. Instead, he went for the bat, grip tight and stronger than yours. You held on with all your might, terrified as you looked into the clown mask. 

“Stop! Stop, it’s me!” The wolf wheezed, your thoughts stilling as you looked down. Donghyuck had him in a headlock, the guy who you both knew tapping at his arm. 

Distracted, the clown pulled the bat out of your hands and let it clatter to the floor. 

“What the-” Donghyuck pushed off of him, eyes filling with rage as he pulled off the wolf mask- revealing Jeno’s flushed face. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

You turned to the clown, the mask halfway off and revealing Jaemin’s ashamed gaze. 

“Are you guys crazy?” Your voice wobbled, Jeno letting his head fall back as he gasped for air. 

“I was going to kill you, man,” Donghyuck’s voice was shaking, “Y/N just swung at Jaemin with a bat!”

“We didn’t think it would escalate like that!” Jaemin argued, “We were just trying to prank Y/N. We were about to show ourselves before you came tackling Jeno like a linebacker.”

“Uh, yeah, dumbass. I’m not just gonna let masked guys attack my girlfriend. You two have a death wish.”

You let them argue, grabbing your phone and apologizing over and over to the operator. You were scolded, told they should fine you for this, but let you off with a warning. 

Helping Jeno up, you shoved him hard. “I should kick your ass, Jeno.”

He grimaced, holding his hands up. “You did say my costume was lame. I wanted to improve my pranking skills. So I recruited this dip shit.”

Your limbs were heavy as you led them to the living room, unsure if you should keep on being pissed or grateful that none of you accidentally killed each other. 

“There’s a difference between a prank and attempted murder,” Donghyuck pursed his lips, but Jaemin threw an arm across his shoulder and rubbed his knuckles on top of his head.

“Aw, you guys can get us back next year,” He pouted, coughing when you and Donghyuck showed no signs of laughing.

“Assholes,” You uttered, sitting on the couch. Donghyuck sat beside you, arm going across the back of the couch as he searched your face.

Lowly, he asked, “You okay?”

“I’m alive. Considering if we should get new friends.”

“Hey! Come on now,” Jeno said, frowning like he was the one that just got traumatized.

“Out,” Donghyuck hooked his thumb toward the front door.

“But-”

Donghyuck cut him off. “We’ll see you tomorrow. If you don’t leave, I can’t say I won’t kick your ass.”

Jeno and Jaemin looked at each other, the former wringing his stupid wolf mask while Jaemin rubbed at his neck in embarrassment. 

As Jeno passed you, he mouthed a sorry as they moved to the front door.

“Hey,” Donghyuck called out to them, “The text thing was not cool. At all. I really should knock you out for that.”

Jeno frowned. “What text thing?”

“Come on, don’t play stupid now.”

He looked over at Jaemin, who simply shrugged. “I’m serious. What text thing are you talking about?”

Donghyuck pursed his lips. “You texted me through Y/N’s phone, tricked me into thinking she broke up with me. Clever. That definitely worked.”

“But,” Jeno’s face grew with terror, “We didn’t text you.”

“Jeno, that’s enough,” You shook your head, “There’s no reason to lie now.”

“We didn’t! We only came in after Jaemin saw you run from the kitchen! We were just gonna stay outside but one of the windows in the back was open...”

Right as his words kicked in, the sound of glass striking the floor somewhere in the house made you all stiffen. Donghyuck took the lead, and you gripped the back of his shirt as Jeno and Jaemin trailed close behind. 

The air was still, everyone silent as you raced to the source of the sound. You reached the room- the spare bedroom- and all stared down at what was once the flower pot tucked onto the windowsill. 

The window was open, just like the boys said, curtains fluttering. 

“Someone else was in here. Before any of us showed up.”

Everyone looked at you, horror dawning on all of you.

A/N: It’s officially spooky season!! I’m actually pretty excited to write stuff in the spirit of fall. Send in any requests, halloween related or not! Also, this is more of a oneshot than a drabble but let’s pretend it’s not. They won’t all be creepy, unless you want that. But yeah, hope you enjoyed! 

-Angelo

[caiminnent]

glass houses [Shaun & Lucy with mentions of one-sided shaundes & deslucy, rated T]

Prompt(s): sleep deprivation (BTHB, 2/25) + 14

Summary: “We’re in love with the same person. Friendships have been built on less common ground.”

Fandom: Assassin’s Creed

Tags: College AU, Bonding, Pining, Unrequited Crush

2.3K || Also on AO3.

Forty three—no, forty two minutes left to have lunch, get his essay printed and rush to Leonardo’s office on the other side of the campus—and Rebecca is still droning on and on about the part next Saturday, because clearly the life he doesn’t have is more important than the grade he won’t be getting unless they pick up the pace already. Murder on school grounds would probably get him expelled, among other things, which is why he’s only contemplating it; but an under-slept, under-caffeinated man has his limits and he is approaching his fast.

“No, Rebecca,” he repeats on a deep sigh as they finally get in line behind a couple in matching PJ’s, seemingly having a heated argument through sharp looks and contained gestures in that way only couples can. “I do not want to come to the party, thank you very much. I’m not even invited, remember?”

“I could ask Lucy,” she offers, unfazed. “We’re having lunch with her anyway, I could mention it then—”

His stomach drops.

“—I’m sure she won’t mind. I mean, the more the merrier—”

Taking a deep breath through his nose, “We’re what?” he cuts in. The Couple glance over with raised brows and pursed lips, as if he sullied their petty issues by having his own.

She frowns. “What?”

He just shakes his head. Lunch with Lucy, Christ. Today just keeps giving. “You won’t ask her to invite me,” he says, pinning her with his I Mean It, Rebecca look. “Or don’t even hope for a single page from my notes ever again.” She rolls her eyes. “I’ll swear on anything, Rebecca.”

Fishing her phone out of her pocket, “Whatever,” she throws, fingers already dancing on the screen. His own remains suspiciously silent in his bag. “What’s your beef with Lucy anyway?”

The Couple aren’t even pretending not to listen in, half-turned in their direction as they are. He glares steadily at them until they get their noses out of his business and back into their own, although some of those meaningful looks are probably about him this time. Hell if he cares.

“I don’t even know Lucy,” he points out, rubbing at the throbbing spot over his brow—not that that’s ever helped. “Why would I have a problem with her?”

“You get weird whenever I mention her, man. Coulda thought you had a thing for her if I didn’t know better.” Pockets the phone again, shrugging a shoulder at his look. “It’s either that or hate.”

Oh for the love of— “I don’t hate her, either,” he says—the truth, too, no matter the disbelieving face she makes at him. He has no real reason to hate Lucy. He just... doesn’t prefer to share space with her if he doesn’t absolutely have to.

If he sometimes goes out of his way to make sure he doesn’t, well.

By some miracle—more likely, because they’re finally within reach of food—she drops the subject, shoving a tray into his hands and grabbing one of her own. His stomach curls into itself at the sight of half the containers, the other half he can’t even recognise beyond had it before and didn’t die.

He accepts a serving of each and trails off after Rebecca.

Once they push past the growing crowd towards the tables, scanning the sea of heads, “You should try to get along with Lucy, you know,” she pipes up—because Rebecca leaving anything alone would’ve been too much like good luck to happen to him. “You know who she’s friends with.”

“Rebecca.”

“I’m just saying. Sheesh, someone’s touchy today.”

And whose fault is that, he’s about to snap when he spots Lucy off to the side, dumping an ungodly amount of sugar into her coffee—from Creed Coffee, no less. His first stop as soon as he drops off his essay; he’s earned a treat.

Because it’s just that kind of day, Lucy chooses that moment to look up and catch him staring like a buffoon. She beams at him like there was no one she would’ve been happier to see, waving them over.

“There she is,” Rebecca says, taking a sharp turn in her direction. He follows suit, squeezing between tables she breezes through and almost spilling his chow all over people on three separate occasions until they safely take their places across from Lucy.

To his credit, when Lucy smiles at him again, he does try to return it. His face muscles ignore the command entirely.

The women have already jumped into conversation on nothing he particularly cares about; he tunes them out for the most part and buries himself into his ‘food’ instead, fielding Rebecca’s attempts to lure him in with one-word responses and the occasional grunt when he can get away with it. About twenty minutes left; he can make it if he hurries. Maybe. Hopefully.

“Ignore him,” she stage-whispers to Lucy—with ‘him’ sitting right next to them, thank you very much. “His coffee machine broke last night.”

The audacity. “She means she broke it,” he clarifies around his spoon. It’s not grumbling if he’s right.

“Semantics,” she waves it off, reaching for her coat. “I’ll fix it when I get back, promise.”

“Wait, where the hell are you going?”

Raising her brows, “To turn in our papers, like we talked?” Rebecca says, confusion so thick in her tone that he almost doubts his own memory—except he could recognise that glint in her eyes anywhere. “You’ll keep Lucy company while I’m gone, right?”

That meddling little—

“Right,” he says for Lucy’s benefit, who is glancing between them with polite curiosity, doing his best to convey you owe me so much for this with one look. “Of course I will.”

Rebecca dares to grin at him, dropping the pretence altogether. All of three seconds and she’s off, leaving only an unused fork behind.

Without her around, the table has gone alarmingly smaller, Lucy everywhere within his sight unless he stares straight down at his tray. Had he ever been alone with Lucy before? Alone alone, within speaking distance, without anything or anyone to hide behind?

He doesn’t even have coffee to hide behind now.

One slides in front of him.

Raising her hands, “You look like you need it more,” Lucy explains, that too-warm smile on her lips; he feels shittier the longer he looks at it. “No offense.”

“None taken.” He did catch a sight of himself on the way here—not his best moment.

The polite no, thank you he should say is on the tip of his tongue—almost impossible to get out with the warm temptation is sitting right there in front of him, right under his nose, smelling—well, sort of like a unicorn exploded in there and caramel. Not that he can afford to be picky.  

Besides, he’s survived vending machine sludge; it only goes up from there.

“Come on, take it,” she insists, honest-to-god batting eyelashes at him. “So that I can feel a little better about asking for your ComLit notes next week.”

He snorts and accepts the bribe, only too eager. It’s syrupy to the point of nauseating, not unlike those energy drinks Rebecca fills the dustbin with, except with a lot less immediate kick. He doubts there’s any caffeine in there, even.

Magic might be involved, however, given the way he’s already feeling a tad closer to human.

He nods his thanks. She returns it.

“You know, Shaun,” she starts slowly, with an odd sort of caution—or maybe he’s just not used to people who think before they speak anymore. “I don’t know what Rebecca threatened you with, but you don’t have to sit with me just to be nice. I know you don’t really like me.”

He can’t help a wince—then a deeper one, when it hits that this was probably among the worst ways he could’ve reacted to a statement like that. Leave it to him to put his foot in his mouth without even opening it.

“It’s fine,” she adds, saving him from himself. “I mean it. Not everyone has to be friends.”

That’s not it, not at all.

Thing is, under different circumstances, they could’ve been friends, he and Lucy. He doesn’t know her, not really; but by the electives they keep coming across each other in and the books she carries, he doesn’t doubt they could find plenty to talk about if, if, he could get his head out of his arse and get over—

Well. He obviously can’t tell her all that.

He sighs, running a hand through his hair. “It’s not you,” he allows, the closest thing to an explanation he can afford to give.

“It’s okay,” she says gently, those huge, impossibly blue puppy eyes of hers trained on his. “I know.”

Blood freezes in his veins.

It’s a simple phrase. It doesn’t have to mean anything beyond the face value. There’s no reason for it to; he’d been careful—more than, really—but that smile, all sadness and sympathy—

He swallows against the bitter taste in his mouth, a light burn all the way down his throat, pooling in the pit of his stomach. “You do?”

“I do,” she confirms, jerking her head somewhere to his far right. He follows her gaze to—

Oh, hell. She does.

“He doesn’t know,” she answers his unasked question, lowly enough that the rush of blood in his ears almost drowns out the words. “Don’t worry, you’re not obvious about it or anything.”

Clearly he is, if she noticed.

He risks another glance—he is sprawled on his seat with an arm resting on the other one, laughing at whatever bollocks story Cross might be telling, that stupid one-strap bag of his sitting on the table.

“You’re sure he doesn’t?” he has to ask, heart both at his feet and racing in his chest somehow.

She nods. “Positive. He’s the worst when it comes to this sort of thing, you wouldn’t believe it. He won’t notice unless you come at him with a brick that says I like you.”

Something at the back of his mind prickles like static.

See, past the initial shock, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out where he’d gone wrong. As far as social circles go, his and his are on different planes entirely. They don’t have mutual friends beyond the tangential; they don’t frequent the same places unless Rebecca drags him out to Bad Weather; they hardly talked enough for him to develop this… thing he’s been saddled with, even. He’d thought—as long as he kept to his corner of life where he doesn’t have to face them, he’d thought he could pretend his feelings away.

It had never even occurred to him that someone might notice him not looking. That someone might have reason to care why.

He’s fairly certain of the answer when he asks, his stomach heavy with dread, “Speaking from experience?”

Her face goes carefully blank. It’s as good a confirmation as any.

He takes a deep breath, locking the irrational sting of disappointment down and away, where he can pretend it doesn’t exist, either. What does it matter if she is the competition? He had decided not to pursue that line of thought long ago. What does it matter if he’d already lost?

“You’re not obvious, either,” he tries. She smiles, if that rueful little curl can be called one. “He doesn’t know?”

She shrugs, too nonchalant to actually be that. “Or doesn’t want to hurt my feelings. I dropped, like, a lot of hints; no one’s that oblivious.”

Would it be awkward if he kind of sort of maybe wants to give her a hug?

It would, wouldn’t it.

What even is his life.

“Anyway,” she sighs, glancing at her watch. “Time to leave. Vidic’s class.”

Ugh. That he doesn’t envy her for. “Good luck,” he offers, reaching for the cup again—a bit sorry to have taken it from her, now.

She makes a face. “Thanks.” She drops her spoon on her mostly full tray, Rebecca’s abandoned fork with it. “By the way, it’s his birthday next Saturday. We’re having a party at our place; you should come.”

He almost chokes on the next sip, saved by a stray half second. “Me?”

She raises a brow, a perfectly arched duh.

His brain stutters. Why does she—why would she want him there, if she knows? If she—

It makes no sense.

Lucy is still seated across from him, calmly waiting him out like there’s nothing odd to this. Just two friends making casual weekend plans.

Not all that sure it’s not the exhaustion fucking with him, he licks his lips. “So you’re fine with…”

“That you’re on the same boat?” She shrugs again, zipping up her jacket. “We’re in love with the same person. Friendships have been built on less common ground.”

Huh.

Digging into her bag, she comes up with a blue marker, reaching for the other cup. “My number,” she says as she writes on the sleeve and puts it back, written part facing him—all neat, efficient lines, because of course. “Let me know if you make up your mind.”

He nods blankly, for lack of a better response. She smiles, standing up with her tray.

She’s already halfway to the door when he remembers: “I’ll bring the notes!”

She winks at him over her shoulder, fixes her bag and disappears into the crowd.

[babethepig]

some present moments of the future

Summary: Dan is always running out of time.

or Phil has a busy boyfriend.

Word count: 2K

Rating: G

Thanks a lot to @insectbah for beta reading this!

Title and quote from this poem.

(read on ao3)

It's enough to close my eyes for stars to rain, your hand here is enough, your lips are enough. -D. J. A.

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇

Dan is always running out of time, Phil has noticed. He is always running. His chocolate eyes linger on a clock more often than not, like he is on a race against time. Like he needs to be one step ahead. There is no point trying to stop him; Dan’s never slowing down.

“How long do we have?” Phil has learned to ask everytime he sees Dan looking at a clock, a hint of anxiety starting to cloud his gaze. Today, the question comes up when they are laying on bed. Phil just woke up but he can tell Dan has been awake for a while. One of Dan’s legs is trapped between Phil’s and his arm is snaked around Phil’s waist, touching his bare skin under his shirt, fingers tapping like the tick-tock of a clock.

“Like five minutes before I have to get up,” Dan says, and Phil feels himself pout.

“And when are you coming back?”

“Dunno, on Friday, probably.”

Phil’s half asleep brain only can whine at that. “Move in here.”

“We have been over this,” Dan tells him, amusement clear in his tone. “It’s only been three months.”

“That’s a long time,” he argues.

“That’s almost no time.”

“Time’s stupid.”

“Maybe,” is all Dan says.

He doesn’t come back until Friday.

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇

“Mum wants me to go visit her,” Phil tells Dan over the phone. He has it squished between his shoulder and his ear while he tries to pour the dry ingredients he just mixed with the wet ones.

“That’s nice,” Dan hums on the other side of the line. Phil doesn’t know what Dan is doing but he wishes he was here.

“I guess,” Phil answers distractedly. Some flour escapes the bowl, coating the counter with white dust, and he curses under his breath.

“What happened?”

“Spillage.”

“Oh, dear. What are you even doing?” Dan asks.

“I’m baking,” Phil grunts as he tries to reach the kitchen roll while still holding the bowl and the phone.

“Trying to impress me?”

Phil can almost hear the smirk on his voice.“Nope,” he replies, not missing a beat. “I’m trying to impress Bryony.”

“Do I need to fight her to death for your attention?”

“No, I wouldn’t want you to die,” Phil laughs and puts the empty bowl away.

“Wow, thanks,” Dan deadpans. At that moment Phil hears someone talking to Dan but he can’t make out what they are saying. “Hey, I have to go now. I’ll see you later, okay? I’ll bring wine.”

“Bye,” Phil says to no one.

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇

“Distance makes the heart grow fonder,” Dan says playfully. Phil glares at him.

Dan gets up from his desk and away from Phil’s line of vision, so Phil whines, “Where are you going?” while he leans closer to his computer as if it was going to help him to see better.

“I need to get something from my bag,” he yells back.

“How bad is their grammar?” Phil asks when Dan comes back frowning at a bunch of papers.

“Horrific,” he answers, putting the essays back on his desk. “Sorry, I needed to put them here or I would have forgotten that I have to grade them later.”

“You? Forgetting something? Sounds quite impossible.”

“Yeah?” Dan smiles, swinging his chair from side to side.

“You are Mr. Responsibility; you can’t forget about anything,” Phil tells him as he lays down on the bed and curls awkwardly around his laptop.

Dan sits there for a second just looking at Phil through his computer. “I wish you were here,” he says.

Phil closes his eyes tightly and turns away from the camera's focus because he is still trying to get used to Dan’s sudden bursts of affection via heavily charged confessions in the middle of the night.

“Come back,” Dan says, laughing quietly.

Phil complies. “I miss you,” he mumbles against his arm and looks at Dan through his lashes.

“Me too.” Dan bites his lip. “You’ll be back in three days.”

“Three days is too much time,” Phil complains.

“Time is stupid,” Dan tells him, a little smile dancing on his lips and one of his dimples showing up.

“Yeah,” Phil sighs, “it is.”

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇

“You’ll have to help me check grammar on the papers I received today,” Dan says, putting down his phone and reaching for the warm cup of tea that Phil is offering him.

Phil huffs as if he actually minds helping Dan and plops down beside him on the small couch of the Starbucks that they are in. Dan’s free arm immediately finds its place over Phil’s shoulders.

“I feel like I’m going to die; I can’t with finals’ season.” Dan tilts his head back against the couch. Phil plants a chaste kiss on his exposed throat and Dan turns his head towards him. “Tell me something?” he asks quietly, sweetly.

“Last night I had a dream.” Phil pauses to sip at his coffee. “I was driving and -” Dan gives him a look. “I know I can’t drive, let me finish,” he rolls his eyes playfully, “so I was on this long, desert road and suddenly I saw someone asking for a ride so obviously, I pulled over -- don’t look at me like that. As the person came closer I noticed it was Martyn.”

“No,” Dan gasps, faking surprise, and Phil kicks him weakly.

“And I knew he was my brother but apparently, he didn’t. So the whole ride I tried to make him remember me.”

“That sounds stressful.”

“It was at first! But then, we arrived where he needed to be and he got out of the car, and I was watching him go…”

“Like a creep.” Dan interrupts him. “You always do that.”

“Whatever,” Phil shoves his elbow against Dan’s rib cage, “I was watching him, and he turned around and asked ‘Dibbit?’ and then we had a moment, we hugged. It was nice at the end.”

“Dibbit?” Dan asks fondly.

“Yeah, when I was younger I couldn’t say Philip so I called myself Dibbit instead.”

“That’s cute,” Dan says with that high pitched voice that he reserves for cute animals and Phil.

They carry on with their conversation for a while, drinking their beverages and just enjoying their time together. They plan the things they are going to do later as they are free for the rest of the day, but then Dan’s phone rings.

“Yes, Mara?” he asks. Phil notices immediately that he is annoyed. At least Dan is as upset with the interruption as Phil himself is. “Can’t anyone else do that? I’m kind of busy right now.” Dan listens to what the other person is saying and Phil watches him. In the end, he sighs deeply, “I’ll go but I have to leave at six.” Dan waits. “I know, it’s fine. I’ll see you there.”

Dan looks at him, defeated. “I am very sorry.”

“It’s okay, I understand. You are the big boss, you have to do things.”

“Oh dear, I’m not even the big boss. You would have already dumped me if I was, I’d never see you.”

“I wouldn’t,” Phil protests.

“Ugh, being the department coordinator and a professor sucks,” he complains again. “I’ll make it up to you, I swear.”

Phil shakes his head. “It’s fine.”

Dan ignores him. “I’ll bring dinner to yours and tomorrow we can do whatever you want.”

“Whatever I want?” Phil asks, and Dan nods. “Okay then, go. I’ll be waiting for you.”

Dan stands up and leans back down to plant a kiss on Phil’s forehead before he leaves.

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇

Phil wakes up to his phone buzzing. He taps around the bed, blindly looking for it.

“Hello?” he asks, disorientated.

“Where are you?”

“Uh? Dan?”

“Yes, it’s me. Where are you? I came to your cubicle and someone told me you felt poorly and had to leave.”

“Oh! Yeah, I’m at home. I had a migraine,” Phil explains as he sits up against the headboard.

“Why didn’t you call me?” Dan’s voice quivers.

“You were in a meeting.”

“I guess, but I wanna know things like this. What if you fainted in the middle of the street?” Dan’s voice raises slightly.

“I took a taxi, it’s fine. I should have texted you, sorry.”

Dan’s voice softens at that, “Sorry, it’s not your fault anyway. I canceled my classes for the rest of the day.”

“What?” That takes Phil aback. Dan never does stuff like canceling classes.

“I’m on my way. I’ll be there in twenty, get ready for some quality boyfriend time.”

“I’m always ready for quality time with my boyfriend,” Phil says, a big grin appearing immediately on his face.

“Good.”

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇

The next week, Phil is sipping his half warm cocktail, then looking at the condensations forming on the glass, one lonely drop sliding down until it reaches the wooden counter of the bar.

“Can I buy you a drink?” a familiar voice asks behind Phil, “I saw you here all alone and I couldn’t resist coming to you.”

“I don’t know,” Phil looks over his shoulder, “that would make my boyfriend sad.”

“Yeah?” Phil nods. “And where is he?”

“He is at work. My boyfriend is a very responsible guy,” Phil says proudly.

“And you love him?”

“Plenty.”

Dan breaks out in a big smile and leans into Phil, hiding his face in the crook of his neck.

“I love you,” he mumbles against Phil’s skin.

“Mate, I just met you,” he teases. Dan shoves him.

“Shut up.”

“How was work?”

“It was okay, my students talked me out of assigning them another paper due on Monday, and you know what? That was for the best.”

“Great, now you’ve set the expectations too high for everyone else, thanks Dan,” Phil complains halfheartedly.

“I’m a chill professor. What can I tell you?” he shrugs.

Dan then calls the bar attendant and asks for drinks for the both of them. A comfortable silence settles between them while Phil finishes his cocktail and Dan looks at the people sitting around the pub.

“Can it be the hols already?” Dan says after he takes a sip of his drink.

“Do you have big plans?”

“Well, work but also cuddle the fuck out of you and other stuff with you.”

“I like the sound of that.” Phil hides his smile behind his glass.

“That’s good, otherwise my plans would be ruined.”

They chat and drink the night away and maybe Phil does a little too much of drinking. He is tipsy when they leave the pub, giggling at everything while Dan holds his arm firmly so he doesn’t trip.

“Daniel,” he says.

“Philip.”

“Can I ask you something?” He attempts to put on a serious expression.

“Yeah.”

“Why are you always running?” Phil whispers.

“What do you mean?” Dan frowns.

“I don’t know, I feel like you always are racing.”

“Racing?”

Phil nods frantically. “I feel like I can’t catch up,” he confesses.

“Sorry, I guess,” Dan says, probably not understanding what Phil is trying to say.

“No, no. I know you are busy and I love you because you’re so committed to doing what you like and I admire you for that.” Dan stays quiet. “I just wish I could see you more.”

“Phil…”

“I know we have been over this, but now it’s been six months! That is a long time isn’t it?” Phil starts rambling. “I only want to be with you as much as possible.”

“Phil.”

“I have never wanted that with anyone before. I swear I’m not trying to guilt trip you, I’m just letting you know because…”

“Phil, stop!” Dan shouts. He doesn’t look mad so Phil shuts up and waits. “Ask me if I want to move in with you,” he commands.

“Do you want to move in with me?” Phil repeats dumbfoundedly.

“Yes.”

Phil’s half drunk brain might not totally comprehend how this happened but he sure as hell breaks into a big grin and throws himself into Dan’s open arms.

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇

“Can we turn this into a proper office?” Dan asks as he puts a box on the desk in the guest room in Phil’s apartment. Their apartment. “We can get rid of the bed and put your desk here on the opposite wall so we can work together. I think you would like that since you only ever want to breathe the air that I exhale.”

Phil rolls his eyes lightheartedly and shoves Dan away.

“To answer your question, yes we can get rid of the bed, but only if we can have an office pet.”

“An office pet?” Phil nods. “Are we even allowed to have pets here?”

“A turtle!”

“What? No, turtles are boring.”

“They are not!” Phil frowns and sticks his tongue out at Dan. “I can’t believe I’m gonna be a single father.” He dramatically puts his hand to his heart and turns his back to Dan.

“You are a big idiot,” Dan says, but he still wraps his arms around Phil’s waist.

“So you are not gonna leave me alone with our turtle child?”

“I never agreed to the turtle!”

“Fine,” Phil turns around in Dan’s embrace, “we can have a fish then.”

“Yeah,” Dan muses, “a big, pretty and colorful fish.”

“Its name is gonna be Milo.”

“Now who is moving too fast?” Dan asks amusedly.

“Catch up, boring turtle.” Phil leans forward and pecks Dan’s lips repeatedly.

Dan turns his face to the side and Phil’s lips land on his cheek instead. Phil follows Dan’s gaze; he is looking at the clock.

“How long do we have?” Phil asks, just because.

“As long as we want.”

[cuddlysmii7y]

Just A Little Help (High School AU) ((Platonic / Pre- Smii7ycat))

Smitty lay with his back against the school lockers. He was awake, but he couldn't comprehend what was going on around him anymore. He could feel his eye throbbing and something drying his hair onto his forehead. His whole body had a dull pain, with some places hurting more that others.

Then he felt something brush agaist his cheek, he flinched back instinctively, a small groan seeping through his lips. He faintly heard what could've been someone talking, but he was so out of it that he wasn't sure if he had even heard something at all.

Smitty's eyes stayed blurry as he tried to look to see what was going on. He didn't know how long he had been alone, just lying in this back hallway, the hallway that he tended to use as an unknown shortcut.

When Smitty came back to, which was only after a couple of minutes, he was painfully aware of the injuries he had sustained. He let out a whimper as he opened his eyes. He looked up into the sky blue eyes above him.

"Wha-what?" Smitty struggled to sit up.

"Smitty, stop squirming or you're gonna make me drop you."

Carrying him was no other than Tyler Wine. Smitty roughly knew him through their mutual friend Craig Thomson, although Smitty had barley ever talked to Tyler, seeing how he was in Craig's other friend group.

"What happened?" Smitty asked, his voice raspy.

"I should be asking you that." Tyler said, raising a brow at the one in his arms. "I'm cutting through the back of the school after practice and I find you beaten to a pulp surrounded by whatever shit you had in your backpack."

"Oh shit! My bag! I need to-"

"Oh stop your worrying. I got it already."

"Wait, what?" Smitty stared at him.

Now Tyler wasn't the kind of guy known to help people, especially people he didn't really know. That was more Brock's kind of thing. No, Smitty couldn't even imagine Tyler crouching down to pick up his many essays and report pages that must've split out as his backpack was dumped on top of him. Then again Smitty couldn't picture Tyler taking the time to pick him up and carry him to wherever they were going. But here they were, Smitty in Tyler's arms bridal style with Smitty's backpack and his own sports bag slung across his back.

"So, uh, where are we going?" Smitty asked.

"To get you patched up." Tyler said bluntly.

And with that, Tyler kicked open one of the school's side entrance doors. Smitty let out sort of a whine as he turned his face out of the bright sun and into Tyler's chest.

"A little bit too sunny for you?"

Smitty could practically hear the smirk on Tyler's face. Tyler chuckled before hopping down the stairs, evoking pained groans from Smitty.

"Oh fuck, sorry I didn't even think about that. Are you okay?" Tyler asked concernedly.

"Are we almost there yet?" Smitty asked instead.

"Yeah, the guys are right up ahead." Tyler sighed. "Are you okay if I yell for them?"

"I-I-" Smitty bit his lip, then realizing there was a cut on his bottom lip.

"Stop that. You're gonna reopen the wound."

"Sorry..."

Tyler glanced down at him, a wave of empathy going across his face. Smitty's never seen him look so, soft, before.

The next thing he knew, he was being set down on a metal bench.

"Oh god, what happened?!"

Smitty heard their friend, Craig, as more voices approached.

"Nothing, nothing. I'm fine." Smitty waved off as he tried to sit up.

Craig must've seen the discomfort on his face because before Smitty coukd move any more, Craig was pushing him back down.

"He won't tell me anything." Tyler huffed with crossed arms. "But those cuts do need to be cleaned. Does anyone have a first aid kit?"

"He looks so pitiful. What happened?" Brock asked quietly.

"Damn, they got you good." Brian whistled, earning him a slap from Brock.

"Move out of the way." Marcel shoved the other boys as he opened up a pencil bag filled with bandaids.

"Here's some water." Brian handed him his waterbottle as Marcel started addressing Smitty's wounds.

Tyler walked around to the back of the bench when he noticed Smitty's breathing get sporadic. He reached over the backrest and grabbed Smitty's hand. Tyler couldn't tell if Smitty's jumping reaction was caused by him, or Marcel starting to clean the cut above his brow.

"Hey," Tyler said, catching Smitty's attention. "You gotta remember to breath."

"Smitt, can you turn your head towards me?" Craig asked suddenly, holding a damp towel.

Smitty groaned but compiled to the request. He let his eyes close as Craig gently wiped the dried blood off his face.

"Can I ask you something, Tyler?" Smitty asked.

"Depends on what it is."

"Why'd you carry me out? Like, you could've easily just left me there, but you didn't." Smitty cracked open an eyes to look at him.

"Well, you seemed nice and you're a close friend of Craig's, so that kinda makes you slightly a friend of mine," Tyler shrugged. "And besides, you're a cutie, and I wasn't just gonna leave you there for someone to take advantage of."

"Awwe! Tyler does have a heart after all!!" Craig said with a light laugh.

Tyler was quick to snap Craig into a headlock.

"Hey! Not on top of the injuried!!" Marcel laughed, making Tyler realize they were hovering over Smitty's shocked face.

Craig pulled out of the headlock with a huff as Tyler ruffled Smitty's hair.

"Come on man! My hair's the only thing I've got going for me now!" Smitty laughed, trying to distract from the blush on his face, as he batted away Tyler's hand. "Well, that and my stunning personality."

"Are you sure about that?" Tyler raised his brow.

"Oh shut up, you jock." Smitty grinned, looking away slightly.

"Why don't you make me, pussy?"

"Uhm okay, wow. Please don't start fucking right now." Brock suddenly said, making both flirting boys quickly pull away.

Brian erupted in laughter at the duo, leaning on Craig for support as the latter cracked up.

"Oh fuck you." Tyler sneered, brushing off Brock's comment.

"Why do I feel like that's more directed towards Smitty?" Brian grinned.

"Do you wanna end up looking like him?" Tyler growled, before pausing for a moment. "No? Then shut the hell up."

"Ooooo." Marcel tried to contain his amusement.

"Oh come on guys, you're making him flustered!" Craig giggled.

"I am not!" Smitty blushed, crossing his arms.

"Don't worry, you're cute when you're blushing." Tyler winked.

"Oh, fuck off." Smitty laughed.

~Fin~

[andie--forrester]

journal entry 001

Dear Chris no no no 

Well now I don’t know how to start this off. 

July 2, 2017. Bright blue sky, some clouds, bright white and fluffy. Hot, and I’m already sunburned from last week. When do I get tan??

They told me to start writing in this, but it’s weird because I haven’t done it in more than a year now and I’d really rather not write to something that doesn’t exist or someone I don’t expect to read this anymore because now I have real people and this is moot. But I don’t like to talk about the stuff they want me to talk about so I guess they think I’ll dump it all out here. But I’m actually just tired of it being in my head and existing in my consciousness at all so why would I waste any more time on it, writing or talking? They say letting it out will help but writing stuff here won’t make it stop, just like it didn’t when I wrote before. It’s better for me to just carry on and try to ignore all the bad stuff that happened, some day I think I’ll be happy enough to not ever think about it. But apparently they don’t agree with my theory and I’m just being nyeve naive and uncooperative incooperative uncooperative. Whatever. 

I told them I won’t know what to talk about so they gave me assignments which is kind of cool because it feels like going to school but also not cool because I’d rather write about history or other school stuff and NOT living in a horrible person’s house for twelve years it’s like what do you expect some Chronicles of His House type shit where I detail everything that happened since I was seven because that’s not gonna happen. 

Today’s Assignment: Write an essay on how Marie Antoinette’s early life and marital situation led to the lifestyle of luxury that angered French peasants and incited a revolution. HA I wish. 1) What scared me most twelve years ago? 2) What scared me most five years ago? 3) Two years ago? 4) What scares me most today? Not as cool as the prompt I came up with. I should be in charge of writing assignments.

1) What the fuck do they think I’m gonna say obviously it was Him!! Twelve years ago I was eight and I’d been there for like nine months so I knew Him but not that well. I didn’t know how to make things work better for me yet. There were little tricks like making popcorn and smiling with my teeth that I didn’t figure out until later so for like two years He was never nice and I just got in trouble a lot. So yeah it was scary. Surprised?? No???? Okay.

2) I guess five years ago I would’ve been most scared of everybody forgetting me. It had been almost eight years since it happened and I was still there and by then none of the news channels were trying to find me and it was just kind of like hello does anyone still care I’m still here I’m not dead please find me. I just wanted someone to find me and I felt like no one even thought about me anymore.

3) Two years ago I was eighteen and mostly scared I’d never get out. All I ever thought about was being away from Him or being trapped in there or dying in the stupid fucking basement fuck fuck fucking asshole was so fucking inhumane I just wanted to leave and I didn’t know how to stand up for myself like I just let Him treat me like shit like less than shit I just let him and I was afraid it’d never stop because I thought I couldn’t stop it and I just wish I knew I was strong but He made me think I wasn’t fucking fuck I can’t believe I fell for all His shit I wish I’d made Him suffer more when I had the chance.

4) Now I don’t know. I’m scared when things make me feel like I’m stuck again. Like I don’t get why stupid movies and yelling and sometimes squeaking beds or the basement makes me all weird and upset and I don’t want literal inanimate objects to be stronger than me but sometimes they are and that’s not a good feeling. Also there are gaps in things I remember and I can’t tell if it’s because everyone forgets some stuff from when they were little or because my brain is hiding it. But I remember so much bad stuff, it’s like what could be worse than what I can remember already?? I don’t know. Not that much scares me anymore, only stuff that’s already happened and I don’t know how to get rid of it. Oh and sometimes I’m scared that when I get out into the real world I’ll be too dumb to get a job and succeed but that’s not a priority at the moment. I try to ignore that because usually I feel really good about myself and I’m happy but sometimes His voice is still kind of there so that’d be nice to stop since I hate Him and don’t care what He thinks anyway.

This really brought down my mood, why do they want me to be sad? Fuck this!! I want to be happy and I am happy until they make me think about this shit. I’m not trapped anymore, I’m done with that shit and I’m free and I’m gonna enjoy it. I’m going to go sit outside now. Maybe I’ll write an essay about Marie. OR WHATEVER I WANT!! I can do that now!!! 

- Andie

[canaryatlaw]

alright. so today. it went well overall I guess, I’ll get through it. My alarm went off at 8, I was out the door by 8:30, made it to school by 9:30 (it literally takes exactly an hour to get from my apartment to school, which is convenient for time planning purposes) and dropped my stuff in the PAD office and hung out for a few minutes before heading up to my exit interview at 9:45. Basically the deal is they have to collect info about job plans post-graduation for the ABA before graduation, and then again in 10 months from now. So I said I had nothing permanent lined up at the moment, but had some opportunities that could lead somewhere. I mentioned the tech company and he was like “oh yeah, I’m actually familiar with them” and he said he’s found a lot of public interest students actually go on to work with regulations and they end up really liking it, so I found that encouraging because my greatest worry about that job would be that I’d hate it. And they wanted to make sure we know we could hit them up for help with jobs at any point in the future, so that was nice. I got a little yellow paper slip stating I completed my exit interview so I can pick up my cap and gown next week (nice little incentivizing there on their part) and then I was done. I went back to the PAD office to grab my laptop and headed over to the library to get some printing done. We always got like, $75 dollars or something each semester in printing credit, when it’s like 10 cents a page, and I knew I had a lot of money left so I thought printing this 94 page outline would spend most of it- nope, I still had $190 left in my printing account. Shame I can’t repurpose that money, but oh well. I printed the outline, used the 3 hole punch (they have the super heavy duty one that can do like 50 pages at a time) then headed back to the PAD office, where I spent a while integrating the outline with the case briefs I had already printed out, because the outline was almost entirely case briefs, so I would find where a case was in my case briefs, then put where it was in the outline as the next page. I think it worked pretty well, it made it a little harder to flip through, but it was definitely easier then having to flip back and forth between the two of them. and yeah, I more or less killed time after that until around noon, where I went to the little market place that moved in next door to the school where I’d been getting salads from, but they had Italian food on their hot bar today, and well, needless to say I did not get a salad. Opted instead for cheesy garlic bread (YUM) and stuffed shells. I was a little disappointed in the stuffed shells because the filling was a bit too salty for my taste, but I still definitely enjoyed them. At 1 I headed upstairs to where my final was gonna be held starting at 1:30. People were milling in and out, trying to set things up and such. We can do the tests on our computers, but we have to use this exam software that shuts down every other application on your computer so you can’t leave the actual test. But yeah, we get ready, I’m feeling pretty good, and when the time comes we start. It was all essays, which is like, what I’m best at, so that was good, except I apparently really fucked myself over because I forgot to print out the cases that were posted on the class website and not in the book, and guess what? Literally all of the cases brought up in the test questions were ones from the website. every. single. one. And I was basically like, well fuck, but there’s not much I can do about it now, and I at least still have the case briefs on them, so we’ll work from those. I did almost have a heart attack for like 30 seconds because there were two cases we read that started with the same plaintiff name (and it was like, a long title) and I accidentally was looking at the wrong one first, but then I realized it was the other one and it wasn’t in the book and for a minute I thought I had no case briefs or anything on the case and I was legit going to drop dead on the spot, I was so stressed. I briefly considered just writing a note at the top of my answer like “so I didn’t have any information on this case, so I’m answering the question based on the other case with this plaintiff” because I feel like my prof would be the type to basically be like okay cool and grade it from there, probably with some point penalty, but he wouldn't just write it off completely. But thankfully I was able to find the case briefs on the case and managed to write a semi-decent essay, it was hard because I didn’t have many details to go off of, so that was kind of rough. The second question was somewhat more in my wheelhouse, it didn’t involve a specific case but instead a hypo and what claims could be brought from that, so that was easy for me to analyze and draw a case comparison to. One part was like “list any other alternate claims she might be able to bring” which is of course a big give away that there are other claims, and I picked up that in a “throwaway” line in the prompt it dropped that they received federal funding, which made them liable under Title VI as well as Title VII, so I felt good about spotting that. This was also the question about retaliation, which is what I know really well from real life experiences, so that was definitely my strongest answer. Questions 3 and 4 were shorter, worth half as much as 1 and 2. I didn’t have the cases they were based on, so my answer to question 3 was kinda short but I was able to extrapolate a fairly good answer for question 4. I finished up at 4, so with half an hour left. I started editing, and I knew I wasn’t happy with the case illustration I used for the first question, so I went back and found a more analogous case that I was much more satisfied with. So I checked it over again and then I was done. I was kinda irritated because I knew I could’ve done better had I been fully prepared, but at the same time I knew they were still solid answers, I may just get an A- instead of an A (which will drive me nuts, but it’s not like it really matters at this point). So I turned it in, left the classroom and legit dumped my 150 pages of outline and case briefs in the recycling bin they have in the hallway lol because I had no use for it anymore and didn't want to carry the extra weight home. So I started the trip home. it was raining when I left the loop, but by the time I got off the train it was more of a light drizzle so it was already for my walk the rest of the way home. I stopped at the ice cream shop and got a scoop of cotton candy ice cream (I love that shit) in a sugar cone, then kept heading home. Upon getting home I just dropped everything and laid on my bed for like, 10 minutes, which felt very good lol. I didn't want to do any more studying for the day because I was pretty academically exhausted, so I sat in the living room/den (whatever we’re calling it) and watched more of A Series of Unfortunate Events before Riverdale was on, simply because I really didn’t have anything else to watch, not that I’ve particularly been enjoying it. At 7 I turned on Riverdale, and I really don’t know why I keep watching this dumb show, it’s so overdramatic and ridiculous, and yet it is somehow enjoyable. After that episode I had an hour to kill before Designated Survivor was on, and I had asked for comedy suggestions on twitter, so I turned on The Good Place and watched two episodes of that, which was highly enjoyable. Designated Survivor.....wasn’t my favorite episode. I’m VERY glad my girl Andrea is not the traitor here who’s gonna be brought up on like, international treason charges for obvious reasons because I really thought that that was where they were going with it, but then I was still sad when they basically wrote her off anyway. As far as the main plot, I am so over Michael J Fox and his literally one character he can play, like legit his role on this show is the same. exact. thing. as his role on The Good Wife, and he was annoying AF there and is still annoying AF here. Idk why they feel the need to keep bringing him back. It was nice at least to see him get humbled a bit in the end there though. Then there’s Hannah, my girl!!! What was going on with the ladies tonight, are we losing Andrea and Hannah in the same episode??? Like what the hell is going on with that??? I very much hope that both of them return at some point. After the show I watched the news for a little bit, then started getting ready for bed and now here I am. Tomorrow I have PT at 12:30, then probably studying for either Remedies or attempting to teach myself the entire Secured Transactions curriculum over the next week, which sounds ridiculous for sure but I am fairly confident I can actually do it, did it first year with property and last semester with bus orgs, so 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m not really concerned. So yeah, we’ll see how that goes. It’s almost 1 am so I guess I should bit you all goodnight for the time being. Goodnight babes. Stay wonderful. 

[brokenfuckedupgirl-blog]

Roses

It took James fifteen minutes to get to my house after I called him. He picked me up and we made our way to our favourite coffee shop for breakfast. As soon as I got into the car he freaked out over the bump on my head, it took me the whole thirty minute drive to assure him that Brian didn’t hit me and that it was a self-inflicted wound.

               We stepped into the coffee shop gave our usual order and took our usual seats at the corner of the shop in a booth where the sun constantly shines through and warms up the space.

               “So, I'm guessing for the fact that he stayed over things went good?” James said as he took a sip of his tea.

               “It was. I just hope I’m not making a mistake.” I sigh.

               “Why would you think that?”

               “Like I said it’s just really complicated.” I run my hands through my hair.

               “Hey,” James places his hand on mine, “Don’t over think things; if it feels good just go with it.” He smiles.

               After breakfast James and I went to the library, I grabbed the book that I was busy with and curled up onto the couch and James sat next to me and began working on his college essay. We always come to this library when James has homework; he says that the peace and quiet is wonderful to work in and he gets through everything quicker than what he would in his house, which he shares with three other people.

               My phone vibrates and I unlock it and see that I got a message from Brian. I slide my finger across the screen and saw that he sent me a photo of himself covered in make-up and his two different contact lenses in. His lips were bright red with lipstick slashed across his lips in a harsh manor, his eyes were black with eyeliner and his tongue was sticking far out of his mouth.

               “About to go on, in about 30 to 60 minutes. I hope your day is going well?”

               “I’m at the library. I have been reading while my friend James does his homework. I didn’t realize it was so late in the day.” I see the familiar typing bubble pop up and I gaze back over the photo he sent me. I click on my camera icon and hold up the phone, I cover the lower part of my face with the book and take a photo and hit send.

               “So she loves to read. I am going to use that photo as my wallpaper now.”

               “Oh my gosh no, the photo was a joke. I thought because you sent me a photo I shall send you some too. Don’t make it your wallpaper.”

               “Are you blushing right now?”

               I giggle aloud as I read his message and actually feel my cheeks begin to brighten up. I shift my gaze over to James who is smiling slyly at me.

               “Do you mind taking a photo of me quick?” I ask sheepishly as I hand him my phone. He doesn’t say anything. I hold up the book over half my face.

               “There you go.” James says as he hands the phone back to me.

               “Thanks.”

               I look at the photo and the blush is clearly visible on my cheeks.  I tap on the attachment icon and select the photo and hit the send button.

               “I don’t know, you tell me?”

               “You are so beautiful.”

               “Stop it.”

               “I wish you could see yourself through my eyes.”

               I smile at my screen and I feel the weight on the couch shift and James leaning in over me. I clear my throat sarcastically and he looks up at me.

               “What?”

               “You’re prying in my privacy.”

               “I have to see just a little. You being so secretive about him, so I have to pry.” He laughs. “He seems genuine though, kinda corny but genuine.” He smiles and sits back up and continues with his work. I gaze back down at my phone as it vibrates in my hand.

               “I wish I could talk to you longer, but I have to go and do a sound check. May I call on you later?”

               “I would love it if you called on me later. Good luck with your show!”

               I lock my phone and place it on the table and continue on with my book. James and I stayed until the library closed and he dropped me off at my house after we grabbed some dinner. I grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and made my way to my bed, as soon as my head hit the pillow I dozed off.

               The next morning I woke up and rolled over grabbing my phone and unlocked it, I felt a slight pinch of disappointment when I didn’t have a message from Brain, but pushed the feeling to the back of my head and got to my feet.

               I hopped into the shower and probably stood there for a good half an hour before I actually began bathing myself. Sundays are always my lazy days, it consists of coffee, tv, reading and sleeping all in that precise order.  After my shower I tied up my wet hair in a messy bun and threw on some comfortable clothes and slept the day away.

               I woke up by the alarm blearing in my ear and I groaned as I rolled over. Monday morning was staring me in the face and I got to my feet. My head was heavy with sleep and I walked like a zombie through my morning routine and by the time I reached my front door I felt fairly alright.

               The office was a rush, everyone moved at lighting speed on Monday mornings except James he always floated through the office without a care in the world.

               “Morning.” He said as he handed over a cup of coffee to me.

               “Hey.” I replied taking a long sip, savouring the warmth of the liquid flowing down my throat.

               “So did you see him again yesterday?” James fished as I sat down at my desk.  His words triggered a curiosity inside me and I reached for my phone from my handbag, but plopped it down half heartedly on the table.

               “No, we haven’t texted since the library. I figured it would be a while, he had a busy day Saturday.” I said trying to convince myself.

               James looked down smiling at me sadly, he rubbed my shoulder and left my office. I took a deep breath in and chucked my phone back into my bag and began busying myself with work, and before I knew it the end of the day began creeping closer.

               James rushed into my office holding a large bouquet of black roses, there could have easily have been a hundred. He had a large smile plastered on his face as he handed the roses to me.

               “James…” I smiled at him and he hastily shook his head snatching the card out from the roses.

               “It’s not from me, so don’t flatter yourself.” He tore the envelope open and dug out the card. “I need to see you.” He frowns at the card, and dumps it on the table. “Well, the roses are kind of morbid.” He frowns at me and leaves my office.

               I close the door behind him and I squeal silently and smash my head into the bouquet and inhale deeply. I grab my phone out my handbag.

               “Are you busy?” I hit send and instantly the typing bubble pop up.

               “No. I’m so sorry, the whole weekend was so busy after the concert. I haven’t slept yet either.”

               I tap the video call button and stand back so that I fit into the video with the roses. He answers and I was met with a tired looking Brian, he still had the makeup on but it was all smeared. He smiled widely and I heard him take a screen grab.

                 “Did you just take a screen grab of me?” I squeal out.

               “Can you blame me?” He smiles, “Did I do good?”

               “Brain, they are amazing. I love them.” I stuff my face into the roses again and I hear him laugh.

               “You look amazing with them.”

               “And you look tired.”

               “Ah,” He plopped down on a couch and rubbed his eyes, “This weekend has been a roller coaster, I’m so tired.”

               “Why don’t you go to bed?”

               “Have you met the people I work with?” He stares intently into the camera.

               “Well, you know where I live. Sneak off and come sleep.” I smile shyly.

               “I wouldn’t come meet you like this, I smell, I'm dirty, I’m half dressed. No.” He says sadly.

               “Nonsense, come over. You can take bath there, and I got makeup remover.”

               “Are you sure?”

               “Yes.”  There was a knock from my door, “I have to go, but I'm going to leave in the next fifteen minutes. See you later?”

               “I can’t wait to see you.” He smiles and I wave before I hang up as there was another knock at my door.

               “Come in.” James pushed open the door and clutched his bag at his side.  

               “I'm leaving do you need any help carrying stuff to your car.” He laughed.

               “Yes please.”

**

               “Hey, are you at home?”

               “Hey, I’ll be there soon, I just picked up some stuff and dinner, I thought that you might be hungry. Are you at my apartment?”

               “Yeah I'm here.”

               “The brick next to the door knob is loose, if you shimmy it out you’ll find a key, let yourself in.”

               As I drove up my drive way I saw Brian sitting in his car. We both got out and he floated over to me. He was shirtless, and wearing tight black leather pants with platforms.

               “Samantha, meet the other side of me.” He holds out his hand to me, and I take it and he shakes my hand vigorously. I giggle and turn my head.

               “Maybe you should go inside.” I giggle as I slip my hand from his and open my back door and start gathering some of the things I bought.

               “Are you scared your neighbours think you’re friends with a freak?” He takes the bags from my hands and smiles at me slyly.

               “Actually,” I begin as I pull the roses out of the car and close the door behind me, “I’m scared people notice who you are and then I end up having the whole world at my front door just to see you.” I wink at him.

               “I didn’t think of that.” He says as he tracks behind me up the steps.

I slip my key into the slot and I unlock my door and we both stride in.  I fill a large jar with water and I place the roses in smiling. Brain drops the bags on the kitchen island and I turn and take a step towards him, but he holds up his hands and steps back.

“I haven’t showered, I'm sweaty and I stink. So I’ll hug you when I'm decent.” He says sadly.

I smile at him caringly, and take one of the bags from the counter and make my way past him, grabbing his hand along the way and leading him to the guest bedroom. I drop the bag on the bed and take out a toothbrush and a loofa and handed them to him.

“There is toothpaste, shower gel and shampoo, everything you need in the bathroom.” I turn back to the bag and dump the rest of the stuff out on the bed. “I bought you some clothes too.” I smile back at him.

“Thank you.” He smiles sweetly.

“I got chicken for dinner I hope that’s okay?”

“It’s perfect.” He whispers, and I leave the room.

I started playing some music as I began preparing dinner, and sang along softly. After dishing up chicken fillets and rice, I got a bottle of wine out of the fridge and two glasses from the rack and poured some wine.  I took a sip just as Brain came around the corner, with a frown plastered over his face. Black circles still occupied the space around his eyes and it melted into streaks down his cheeks. I laughed as he made his way towards me with his arms stretched out towards me.

“Hug me now please.” He said.

I glided into his arms with ease and he wrapped his around me and I buried my face into his chest. I was enveloped in the warmth that was radiating off his body, I felt his mouth on the top of my head giving me a gentle soft kiss, then I heard him inhaling through hid nose aloud. I step back and look at him quizzically.

“Did you just smell me?”

“Yes.” He said simply and took me back into a hug, “God, this feels good.” He whispers into my hair.

We stand entwined in each other’s arm for a little while longer, until I slide out of his arms to gaze up at his face, I began giggling and he stared down at me with a frown.

“Okay, so I didn’t get it all off. It’s not that funny.”

“It is.” I laugh and make my way to the cupboard on the left, I take out a bottle of baby oil and a few cotton pads.  I jump up on the island and wet the cotton pad with baby oil and motion for him to come to me.

He steps forward and I gently start running the cotton pad along the black streaks on his face, all the while he stares at me intently. I feel a wave of warmth cross over my face, and he smiles, gently brushing his finger over my cheek.

“Why are you blushing?” He whispers with a slight chuckle.

“Because you’re staring at me.” I whisper.

“You’re beau…” He muffled off as I place my hand over his mouth.

“Ssshhh.”

He opens his mouth and he licks my palm viciously and I jerk is away, I stare at it and rub it against his chest. He moved his eyebrow less forehead up and down and smirked at me.

“Brain one, Samantha zero.” He said.

I stared at him intently and slowly moved my face towards his. He gazes deeply into my eyes as I part my lips slightly, I place my hand on his neck and pull his face closer to mine, and then I stick my tongue out and lick his cheek with the tip of my tongue.  He jerks back and stares in horror at me with his jaw on the ground.

“Even.” I say matter-of-factly.  “Come here.” I start giggling and I finish wiping off the makeup and drop the cotton pad next to me. “You can go rinse your face now.” I smile.

“You licked my face.” He stared at me.

I stare at him.

He still stares at me.

He takes a step back and trots up the stairs.

I laugh and grab some knives and forks out the drawer and sit down. Brain comes around the corner again and he smiles at me, he sits down and we start to eat.

After dinner we made our way into the guest room and we both crawled under the covers in the dark.  He shifts his weight and I feel him turn towards me so I turn onto my side and face him. We gaze at each other and I place my hand gently under his chin and run my thumb along his chin.

“Thank you. For everything.” He whispers.

“I didn’t do much.” I smile.

He huffs and takes my hand in his and he kisses my hand gently. My heart begins to race and I feel my cheeks light up again. He smiles at me and turns onto his back pulling me towards him.  I rest my head on his shoulder and he wraps his left arm around me and places it gently on my back, and he holds onto my left hand gently.

I turn my face up to his and leave a gentle kiss on his jaw line, I bury my face back into the covers to hide my face from his and I smile softly as I feel him leave a kiss on top of my head. He pulls my body closer into his and we cuddle up tight against each other, and a few minutes later I heard him snoring softly.