#okay i mean now i'm curious to what the other path is

[greyias]

oh you sweet cinammon roll, too good for this world (and this cursed monk)

No Ari! You've got to hold on to that last brain cell! If you lose it, who knows what tower you'll yeet yourself off next! D:

Aw well that's nice... and oh good. I have... Tasha's Hideous Laughter.

Twice. double double your refreshment

double double your enjoy-mint

TOTALLY WORTH risking Ari's two braincells to have a second version of that spell. Although I guess it was nice to free a cursed soul from everlasting torment. That is right up her alley--

Ari, NO!

...something tells me the curse wasn't completely broken. whoops

Only good decisions found here.

And even better saving rolls.

[edenesth]

The Way to His Heart [10]

Pairing: general!Seonghwa x wife!reader

AU: arranged marriage au (Joseon era)

Word Count: 4.5k

Trigger Warnings: graphic violence/torture, gore, implied mutilation

Summary: Life has been hell ever since your mother's passing many years ago. Despite being from a prominent family, you've never received the privileges associated with it. It only got worse with the arrival of your stepmother and her daughters. When the intimidating General Park was in search of a wife, your father seized the opportunity to dispose of you, simultaneously securing a connection with the powerful general—killing two birds with one stone.

Part 9 | Fic Masterlist | Part 11

"You wanted to see me, sir?" Wooyoung called out, entering the general's study with Jongho following closely behind, having been summoned to the estate.

Seonghwa looked up from his desk, "Ah yes, I heard you turned down the bonus incentive we offered. Why is that? Is there something else that you wish to have?"

Having encountered few who would refuse extra money, your husband found it hard to comprehend the private investigator's decision. Most people around him were usually drawn by the allure of his wealth or other associated benefits, which left him curious about Wooyoung's motives for declining the bonus. Surely, there was something specific he desired.

The younger man beamed, "My lord, I wasn't working so willingly for you because I wanted something more from you. Honestly, nothing makes me happier than being recognised by you! I just... okay, maybe there is one thing I really want."

Raising his brow, the general was not surprised by the sudden admission, "Go on, name it then."

With a cheeky grin, the investigator replied, "It's that you allow me to help you with whatever problems you have now!"

Your husband rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, "What do you mean? I have no problems now; the worst is over."

"Really? Is that why you're here sulking alone instead of being with Lady Park? You clearly want to be near her, and yet, here you are, staying away from her because you haven't a clue how to face her after the traumatising ordeal you put her through yesterday."

That finally piqued Seonghwa's attention, prompting him to sit up straighter, though he attempted to maintain a nonchalant demeanour, "H-how did you figure that out?"

Without waiting for Wooyoung's response, he shook his head, "No, wait, actually, I don't want to know that. Just tell me... what should I do? I realise I haven't considered well enough what she went through, but I... I've never had to care for someone like this before, and I'm not really sure how to..."

The investigator offered an understanding smile, "My lord, the key to any relationship is communication. You need to talk to Lady Park. Ask her how she's feeling, and tell her you're sorry for what she went through. Avoiding each other won't solve anything; it will only create more distance between you two. You're her pillar of support now, and she needs to feel that you're there for her. You both deserve happiness, but it starts with open and honest communication."

Absorbing the advice, the general nodded thoughtfully, "You're right, Wooyoung. I appreciate your straightforwardness. I'll go talk to her and make things right."

Without hesitating, he sprang from his chair and made his way out of the study. The assistant and his friend couldn't contain their laughter, covering their mouths with their hands, but quickly composed themselves when Seonghwa glanced back at them, "Oh, and please, accept the bonus. You deserve it, especially after this."

Before Wooyoung could object, he had already exited the room and was rushing down the path toward the House of Lotus, his heart pounding at the thought of seeing his wife again.

He remembered how quiet you had been during the entire journey back home the day before, your gaze fixed on the passing scenery outside the window. While you weren't overtly distant or cold to him, you seemed lost in thought throughout dinner. You excused yourself early, retiring to your quarters. The atmosphere carried an unspoken tension, making him hesitant to say anything for fear of your potential reaction.

Reflecting on it, he realised he should have assured you that things would be better from that point forward. Rather than maintaining a facade of normalcy, he regretted not breaking the silence and being there for you in that moment of unease.

His steps hesitated, and his breath deepened as you finally appeared in his line of sight, seated alone in the pavilion outside your room. Your lady etiquette books lay open beside you, but the faraway look in your eyes remained glued to the horizon beyond the lotus pond. For a moment, he stood there, appreciating your beauty, suddenly feeling thankful you looked nothing like your father.

However, as soon as you turned your head slightly and noticed him standing by the entrance, he blinked rapidly, feeling flustered. Gathering his courage, he took a deep breath and approached you.

Just go talk to her, you fool.

Seeing him approach, you closed the books and made room for him to sit in the small pavilion. He offered a warm smile, "Hey, I hope I'm not bothering you or anything."

Shaking your head, you returned a small smile, "No, not at all. I tried to study, but I just... I couldn't."

As he settled down beside you, reaching for your hand, you didn't flinch or pull away. He released a relieved breath and moved closer, "It's alright, you don't have to force yourself. I know you're probably upset with me. I... I'm sorry, my dear."

Lifting your head to meet his eyes, you furrowed your brows, "What? Why would I be upset with you?"

He winced, wondering if you were intentionally testing him to see if he knew what he did wrong. But then again, he knew you would never do anything like that. Sighing, he admitted, "Look, I know I should've thought things through better yesterday. I was so focused on wanting to punish your family for what they did, I forgot about how horrible it must have been for you to go back there and sit through all of that."

"I acknowledge it was a mistake. My intention was to give you a chance to confront your family by taking you to your old room. I didn't think it would affect you so badly. I realise now that it was a misguided decision, and I regret taking you back to that place. I'm a goddamned idiot."

His admission tugged at your heart, and you responded by placing a comforting hand over his.

"Seonghwa, you're not an idiot. I'm not upset with you," You assured him, "I've been quiet since the visit because I'm still processing the fact that my own father killed my mother. All this time, I believed she died from sickness. Now, I can't help but wonder how different my life would have been if only she were still alive. He took her away from me just like that, and for what? All for his own selfish reasons..."

"I just... I feel so—" Tears welled up in your eyes, and your voice broke, "I-I'm sorry..." You pulled your hands away from him, attempting to wipe your eyes, but he gently grasped your shoulders and turned you to face him.

"No, you need to stop apologising. You have every right to be sad, and I'm here to tell you that you never have to endure any more of the pain you're going through alone. I'm here for you, okay? From now on, I want you to lean on me whenever things get too unbearable. Can you do that?"

Feeling the genuine warmth in Seonghwa's tone and seeing the unmistakable care in his eyes, you finally broke down. The weight of the revelations, the pain of your father's actions, and the years of emotional torment spilt over, and you couldn't hold back your tears any longer. He pulled you close, cradling you in his arms as you sobbed against his shoulder.

Whispering comforting words into your ear, he pressed gentle kisses onto the top of your head. His touch was a soothing balm, providing the comfort and support you desperately needed in that moment. As you let out your emotions, he held you tighter.

The sound of your heart-wrenching cries only caused an uncomfortable squeeze in his heart. The general had never experienced this kind of ache before. Throughout his life, he had always believed that no one had a tougher life than he did. But then you came along, with your fragile form, managing to shake his entire world and alter his perspectives on life. All of a sudden, the notion of having someone to protect and care for didn't seem so repulsive, especially when it was you.

You slowly pulled back, staring up at him through your wet lashes, and offered a grateful smile, "Seonghwa, I want to thank you for doing all this for me. I never imagined someone caring enough to go through all that trouble. I promise, in return, I'll try my hardest to be a worthy wife for you."

He wiped away your tears tenderly and gazed into your eyes, "You don't need to prove anything, my love. You're already perfect, just as you are."

Your heart raced, and your eyes widened as you stuttered, "W-wait, what... what did you just call me?"

He stilled, realising the words that had slipped from his mouth before he softened. Leaning close, he pressed his forehead against yours, "My love."

Seonghwa's presence became almost intoxicating. Feeling him so close, as if with a mind of its own, your eyes slowly fluttered closed. He took that as permission to lean in further, and after what felt like an eternity, his lips touched yours in a soft and tentative kiss. When you didn't push him away, he bravely angled his head before pressing his lips firmly against yours.

Finally, our first kiss.

Pulling away after a while to catch your breath, you bit your lip shyly, "I-I'm sorry if I wasn't—"

He shook his head, "Don't worry, it's my first time kissing someone too," He admitted, struggling to take his eyes off your swollen lips. A soft smile played on his lips as he caressed your cheek with his thumb, "Can I..." He asked with half-lidded eyes, and you nodded breathlessly.

Without wasting another moment, he captured your lips in another loving kiss. The world seemed to fade away, leaving only the warmth of each other's presence. His touch was gentle yet filled with a depth of emotion. As the kiss deepened, you felt a rush of emotions, a mix of vulnerability and passion.

Feeling the need for air, he pulled back slightly, his forehead resting against yours. Your eyes met, and you could see the affection and sincerity in his gaze, "You're perfect." He whispered, his voice filled with tenderness, realising that kissing you might just be his new favourite thing to do from now onwards. The moment lingered, the air charged with newfound emotions. It was a beginning, a sweet promise of the love that had blossomed between you.

"Your Majesty, please—"

The King slammed his fists against the handle of his throne, causing the minister to gasp and lower his head. He shook like a leaf, awaiting his impending doom as the ruler declared, "I don't want to hear another word from you, Jang. You're a bloody disappointment. Actually, you're worse than that, you monster."

Kneeling beside your father were your stepmother and stepsisters, equally trembling. Pathetic tears rolled down their cheeks as they attempted to put on a pity show, hoping to move His Majesty's heart. However, their efforts did little to appease his rage. He scoffed in disbelief at their audacity to cry, considering all the despicable things they had done to you and your mother.

This marked the first time the four women had set foot in the palace, and little did they anticipate it would be under such circumstances. The visit might also be their only time here, as the imminent judgement from the King would decide their fate.

Seonghwa stood in the corner, arms crossed over his chest, an amused expression on his face. He left home that morning after a lingering kiss on your lips, feeling rejuvenated and determined. Choosing not to burden you with the details of today's assembly, he shielded you from further thoughts about your family.

Don't worry, my love. I'll make sure they suffer a punishment worse than death.

"I can't stand to look at you imbeciles for another moment longer. Let's get this over with already. Royal Secretary Choi, would you be so kind as to enlighten us with all of Minister Jang's crimes and his punishments?" said the King.

Stepping forward from his corner next to the throne, San bowed, "As you wish, Your Majesty," Tugging open the scroll in his hands, he began reading out loud, "Minister Jang has committed a total of five crimes. First, he committed adultery voluntarily, and for that, he will be whipped with eighty lashes. Second, he committed the crime of official document forgery, and for that, he will be whipped an additional twenty lashes."

Dread filled the minister as he gulped, anxiously listening to the secretary move on to the next section, "Third, for the confinement, continuous abuse, and mistreatment of his own daughter, an innocent citizen, he will be flogged thirty times. Next, for violating the code of ethics as a minister, which is to be a law-abiding citizen, he will be stripped of his title and flogged another twenty times."

As your father's hands trembled, he attempted to hold himself up by pressing his sweaty palms against the floor, breathing heavily as he awaited the final and most severe punishment. San continued, "And finally, for the murder of his first wife, an innocent citizen, he will be sentenced to permanent exile."

That's... it?

Feeling a sliver of hope, the old man let out a small sigh of relief. At least it wasn't death by beheading or arsenic poisoning as he had feared. Banishment seemed acceptable; he supposed he could still live a quiet life somewhere away from here. Bowing deeply, he cried, "Thank you, Your Majesty! Your grace is immeasurable!"

All the ministers and officials present quickly stole glances at Seonghwa, wondering if he would throw a fit and object to the punishment that was yet to be the heaviest one. However, they failed to discern his feelings, as there was only an unreadable smirk on his handsome face.

Lady Jang and her daughters trembled as they awaited their turn. With a nod from the King, the secretary continued, "Moving on, Lady Jang has committed a total of four crimes. First, she voluntarily committed adultery, and for that, she will be whipped eighty lashes. Second, she committed the crime of official document forgery, and for that, she will be whipped an additional twenty lashes."

She nodded to herself, seemingly already accepting her fate, as she listened, "Third, for the confinement, continuous abuse, and mistreatment of the minister's eldest daughter, an innocent citizen, she will be flogged thirty times. And finally, for being an accomplice to the murder of the first Lady Jang, she will be sentenced to penal servitude for life."

Her eyes shot up immediately, finding it hard to accept that she would be separated from her husband. She had believed she, too, would be exiled along with him. But she quickly lowered her gaze as soon as she saw the glare the King had directed at her, as if daring her to complain about it.

Oh god, my life is over...

Noticing the King's patience wearing thin, San quickly concluded with the final sentencing, "Lastly, for the confinement, continuous abuse, and mistreatment of the minister's eldest daughter, an innocent citizen, the three young misses of the Jang family will be flogged thirty times each and sentenced to penal servitude for a total of thirty years."

All three of the sisters' jaws fell slack at their punishment. After living luxurious lives like spoiled brats for so long, they were now expected to be servants, performing hard labour for three decades. All their dreams of getting married and leading comfortable lives were shattered. The prospect of finding suitors after serving their sentences seemed bleak. Their lives were forever ruined, and things would never be the same.

"Now that that's settled, remove these individuals from my sight, and see to it that they receive their physical punishments by today. I don't want their presence contaminating my palace walls any longer than necessary. Moving on to the next agenda, let us discuss who will stand in as the interim Minister of Military Affairs until we elect a new one." The ruler grumbled, waving his hands dismissively.

Seonghwa grinned smugly, relishing the way your father's face fell as he absorbed His Majesty's words. The King fully intended to drive the point home, reminding him that, no matter how much he believed he contributed to the nation, he, too, was just as disposable. Consider it emotional torment for further punishment, if you will.

As the members of the Jang family were forcefully pulled to their feet and guided toward the palace torture chamber where all punishments for criminals were administered, the general bowed deeply, "Your Majesty, forgive this humble subject for not feeling too well. Would it be possible for me to excuse myself from the remainder of today's assembly?"

With a knowing glint in his eyes, the King nodded, "Of course, my boy. Nothing matters more than your well-being. I'll have Royal Secretary Choi send you the minutes of today's meeting later on."

All eyes were fixed on your husband as he confidently exited the hall, wearing an excessively pleased expression, looking a little too content to be feeling unwell as he had claimed. It became evident to everyone that he was plotting something, a scheme that even His Majesty was privy to and had tacitly approved.

"P-please, have mercy!"

Screams reverberated within the dim and eerie confines of the torture chamber, a place the general once frequented during his duties of interrogating spies, war criminals, and suspicious individuals to maintain peace within the nation.

The familiar sounds of your family's agonising cries filled his ears, and he couldn't suppress the chuckle that escaped his lips as he entered, "Ah yes, music to my ears."

Upon his arrival, all the royal guards present swiftly bowed deeply and greeted Seonghwa with respect, "Good day, General Park!" They dared not continue until he gave them a nod, "Go on, don't let me stop you. I'm only here to enjoy the show."

"Yes, sir!" They chanted in unison. To many young soldiers and palace guards, he was akin to a god, an embodiment of success they aspired to achieve one day. Therefore, his mere presence motivated them to perform their duties with increased ruthlessness and precision.

Taking a seat in the centre of the room, your husband bit his lip with a smug expression, locking eyes with your father whose gaze reflected anguish. The elderly man lay face down on a wooden table, enduring lash after lash on his already bloody and battered back. His painful ordeal was far from over.

Whimpering, your father pleaded, "S-Seonghwa, I'm s-still your father-in-law! Please, at least show a little mercy to your wife's father!" Beside him, his wife nodded pathetically, sharing the same painful fate. Meanwhile, the three daughters stood frozen in a corner, wrists cuffed, awaiting their turn to face their beatings.

A devilish laughter escaped the general as he shot a menacing glare at the former minister, "Oh, I'm sorry, was that supposed to make things any better? I would show you mercy if only you had shown my wife any. You shouldn't have said anything, you fool," Turning to the guard in charge of whipping your father, your husband ordered, "Not hard enough, soldier. I want to see his skin tear."

"Yes, sir!" Striking with increased force, the lashes landed on the old man's back, inflicting wounds that would take months to heal. The continuous shrieks of pain only served to widen the smile on Seonghwa's face, "And to think you were thanking His Majesty for his grace; you've underestimated the severity of being whipped, haven't you? Did you really think you were going to walk out of here with a small bruise? Dream on."

"Oh, I can't wait for all of you to experience the wonders of flogging! It will be delightful, a punishment perfectly suited for your kind." The general sang, eyeing the three girls slyly.

They cowered under his intense gaze, suddenly regretting every action they took on the day of your visit. Perhaps if they hadn't attempted any of those, they might have gotten away with a lighter sentence. But there was no point dwelling on such thoughts now.

"Father! Mother!" The girls cried, witnessing their parents only now completing the first half of their punishment. Before they could continue their wailing, guards approached them, saying, "Quiet down! Worry about yourselves instead; it's your turn."

The former minister and his wife looked practically lifeless by the time the guards were finished with their hundred lashes each. The skin on their backs was completely torn open, blood gushing out relentlessly. They were nearly unconscious by the time the guards moved them to separate poles, where they would be beaten with a heavy stick all over their bodies.

Letting out a small yawn, Seonghwa signalled for them to prepare for the flogging. This would be entertaining to witness; most criminals barely survived this punishment by the time it concluded. He would relish the idea of them being left in critical conditions.

"Enjoy yourselves! Thirty times each for what you've all done to my wife – just the perfect amount to leave you halfway to hell. Don't worry; you'll wish you were dead by the end of this. But rest assured, we will keep you alive," Your husband exclaimed with a clap of his hands, "Now, I want you to think of all the things you've done to my wife as you endure this. Can we all do that?"

In the ensuing silence, the guards approached each family member, forcefully striking them with the heavy sticks in their hands. With just one hit, all of them began howling in pain, "Answer the general! Can you all do as you are told?!"

"Y-yes! Yes!" All five of them sobbed miserably, and the general beamed, "Fantastic! Now, let the official flogging begin! The first one does not count, alright? Consider it warm up!"

The insanity in his eyes was genuinely terrifying, and your family was once again reminded of his reputation. Suddenly, it all made sense. This was how it felt to be a victim of his cruelty. They never should have sent you to him; that was their biggest mistake, and nothing they do or say could ever change that now.

"Yes, sir!"

And so it began, the screams that now filled the room were even more piercing than the ones during the first round of whipping.

Approaching each family member one by one, Seonghwa smirked, "Remember all the times you starved her?" Jinjoo nodded in between shrieks, "Good. And you, recall all the times you insulted her and made her feel small?" Jinhee repeated her sister's actions, nodding furiously, "Very good. And you, remember all the times you did something wrong and blamed it on her so that she would take your punishments for you?"

Jinah cried, tears and snot running down her sweaty face, "I'm sorry!" He shook his head, "Will saying a useless sorry change anything? Nope. Hit her harder, soldier," With a grin of approval, he moved on to your stepmother, "And you, recall all the times you kept her locked up in that prison cell you call her room?" Not wanting to suffer like her eldest, she nodded aggressively, "Good."

Finally stopping in front of your father, he crossed his arms over his chest, "And you, remember all the times you laid your hands on her? Your own daughter?" The former minister nodded quickly but was not spared, "Good, hit him even harder so he never forgets how it feels."

"Twenty-nine, thirty." The beatings stopped for the four women, and they collapsed one by one onto the floor like rag dolls. Blood trickled from their noses and the corners of their lips, their bodies covered in countless bruises and open wounds, soaking their clothes red. And that is only what can be seen on the outside; who knew what fatal internal injuries they could be suffering from.

With his hands propped on his hips, Seonghwa took in the sight with satisfaction, "Very well, some of these scars should last you for life. Now, you look as bad as the way you'd left my wife. Actually, worse. But that's good. I'm very happy with the outcome. Guards, take them away and make sure to send them to places where they're known to treat their servants poorly."

The girls sobbed upon hearing that, "General, please, have mercy! We've already suffered enough!" Your husband scoffed, "Mercy? Have you not been paying attention this entire time? I'm not known for that. Get them out of my sight."

As the guards dragged the wailing women out, they cried for their husband and father. The former minister yelled, still taking his twenty additional beatings as he watched his wife and daughters go, "W-will you not at least let me say my final goodbyes to them?"

"Minister, please don't make me laugh. Did you also allow my wife and her poor mother a final goodbye?" The old man had nothing to say at that, grunts of pain escaping his lips as he tried to endure the remainder of his punishment despite feeling like all of his insides had been beaten to mush at this point. He didn't have to look down to know that he was soaked in blood; he could feel the sting on his wounds whenever the slightest bit of wind blew past.

Just a bit more, and I'm free.

« Preview of Part 11 »

"Forty-nine, fifty." Your father sighed in relief when the punishment finally ceased. Collapsing to the ground upon being untied, he stared blankly ahead, feeling pain throughout his entire body. Slowly but surely, he slipped into unconsciousness due to the loss of blood.

Unfortunately, his respite was short-lived. A bucket of dirty water was abruptly dumped over him, causing him to scream in agony as the injuries on his body stung intensely, bringing tears to his eyes.

"Did you think it was over?" His blood ran cold as he noticed he was now tied to a chair, unable to move. With most of the guards gone, only him and Seonghwa remained.

"What do you think you're doing, general? I've completed all my physical punishments; you're supposed to banish me now!" The old man croaked, his eyes widening in fear as he noticed the dagger in your husband's hand.

The general burst into laughter, "Oh, minister, you can be quite slow at times. Did you genuinely believe that His Majesty's decision not to sentence you to death was an act of kindness? Who do you think requested your exile?"

"Y-you—"

Seonghwa smirked, "Indeed, it was me. Killing you would have been too merciful. No, I want you to endure a life so filled with pain that you wish for death every single day. Now, after seeing how skilled you were at begging all day, I believe you'd make a very talented beggar. Do you know what would make you a successful beggar?"

Tears streaming down his face, your father shook his head hopelessly as your husband traced the blade against his skin before whispering, "One without limbs."

That was the most violence I have ever written HAHA I had to channel my inner Joker for Seonghwa's character. Anyway, I hope that was satisfying enough!

As always, thank you for reading and let me know your thoughts! <3

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Tag list (cont.): see comment/reply section

All Rights Reserved © edenesth // DO NOT REPOST, TRANSLATE, PLAGIARISE OR REPURPOSE.

[alter-ego-xxx]

Hi! Sorry to bother you, but how would you envision both virgins jegulus during their first time? I'm curious about what you have in mind ♡

nsfw

Hi! You're not at all bothering me, I love answering asks!

For virgins Jegulus I think it could go one of two ways. Either James thinks that he knows exactly what he's doing and it turns out that he indeed doesn't, or my preferred option; They're both inexperiented but they had done some mutual masturbation before going all the way so they know some stuff about each other's bodies. I'm a firm believer of the fact that Reg is a fanfic/smut/dark romance enjoyer so he knows the "logistics" from there. They start slowly by making out and then James moves Reg in a lying position. Regulus has already taken James' shirt off so now James wants to do the same. He sees that Reg is nervous so he slowly kisses a line from his belly button up to his collarbones and follows this path with a hand who takes Reg's shirt off. James spends some extra time on kissing Reg's top-surgery scars, to show him that he's perfect just the way he is. Once they're both undressed and everything is discussed (consent, guys!) James starts working a finger between Reg's folds and kisses him to distract him from the weird feeling of a finger entering him. The more Reg gets turned on, the easier it gets for James to prepare him. Once they're both prepared and ready, James tried to finally enter Reg. And maybe it doesn't work, and that's okay and completely normal. Reg then suggests that he could try and after explaining to James what he means, they switch positions and Reg places himself in James lap. He tenderly takes James into his hand and guides him to his hole. After having added a healty amount of lube it finally works and James is inside of him. They're both so blown away by all the sensations flowing through their bodies that they both won't last really long. But luckily for them, this is just the beginning of this new chapter of their relationship and after they "practised" some more, the possibilities only get bigger and these two only get kinkier...

[thisgirlnamedblusy]

HELLO GORGEOUS WHAT'S UPPPP🤺

just wanted to request something SUPER angsty lolll.

Maybe reader and Donna Having their first huge argument? and like saying stuff they don't really mean?

THANK YOUUUUU <3

Yesss!!! Thank you for the compliment xD and for your request!!! I hope you like it and sorry about the language mistakes!!!! :))))

Your jealous heart

Pairing: Donna Beneviento x Fem! Reader

Warnings: Angst, jealousy, fluff, mental health issues, Donna being Donna...

Word count: 7,907

Summary: That girl's just a friend, she has to understand, right?

N/A: Sorry about the language mistakes!!! Requests are open!!! I'm waiting yours :))) I love you all!!!

“(Y/N)? Is that you?” a pleasant voice interrupted your path out of the church. It wasn't just any voice, you knew it.

“Mm?” you murmured, searching for the origin of those words that said your name and smiling when you found it. “Oh, Lydia,” you sighed, approaching the young smiling woman.

Excited by an unexpected encounter, you hugged her, who was none other than your best friend, a childhood friend that you had missed quite a bit.

“(Y/N), how long has it been?” she said, returning the hug enthusiastically, like when you were just a couple of excited teenagers.

You shrugged, looking down, where a baby was sleeping peacefully.

“Oh, I see that a long time…” you sighed, bending down to look at the child. “Is it your son? I can't believe it.”

“Yes,” she answered, bending down as well. “Ivan.”

“Wow... I've missed a lot of things this year,” you murmured, cooing at the baby, who didn't seem to notice your presence. “Hello, hello, little one.”

“I'm glad to see you, (Y/N), I was afraid I wouldn't be able to do it again,” your friend commented, with a more serious tone, looking away.

“Well, I've been quite busy,” you said, getting up and looking for your companion with your eyes, something complicated due to the number of faithful villagers talking to each other.

“Yes, that's what I heard,” Lydia murmured, her voice low and broken.

The young woman came a little closer to you, looking around.

“People in this village talk a lot,” she whispered almost in your ear, as if she was afraid of something.

“It's their favorite sport,” you said amused, making more funny gestures at the sleeping baby. “I'm not surprised.”

“Yes, well... I have to admit that with the pregnancy and the child I haven't had much time to attend to my duties with the Black Gods, but I’ve heard rumors,” she said, smiling at her baby and looking around again.

“What have you heard?” you asked, giving your friend a nudge.

“Well, when you mysteriously disappeared I assumed that you had managed to escape from this place,” she began, in a calmer tone. “I know you never liked living here. I asked Luiza and the others if they knew anything and they told me that… Well, that you hadn't left.”

“That's obvious,” you said arching an eyebrow, amused by Lydia's curious attitude, one that you understood.

“Okay, I have to ask you,” she finally said, standing in front of you, subtly moving away from curious eyes and ears. “Is it true? Do you…? Do you have something with Donna Beneviento? Luiza told me that you were now living with her and that you weren't exactly a maid.”

“I see that in a place like this it's impossible to hide something,” you whispered laughing, blushing. “Yes, it's true. I've been living with her for a year. We have… A relationship,” you explained in a low voice.

“Really? But, but, (Y/N), she's… She's… A-A Lord,” Lydia asked, not surprised, but curious, very curious “When did that happen?”

“A year ago, more or less,” you said, looking up to try to be accurate with your memories. “I met her by chance.”

“Met her? (Y/N), she's…” she said, looking around again. “W-Well, no one knows exactly what she's like, but she's dangerous.”

“Nonsense, Donna's lovely,” you corrected, crossing your arms. “She's not as terrible as people say.”

“I find that hard to believe… They say, they say she's crazy and that if you go to her territory, you'll probably never come back,” your friend said, moving her baby's stroller.

“It's true that she's sick, and she's definitely a very strange woman, but I... I love her. She's good, she takes care of me in her own way and the truth is, I've never been better.”

“I understand,” she said, nodding distrustfully. “(Y/N), they say she killed her gardener, the man who took care of her when her family died.”

“Um... Well...” you said scratching the back of your neck, knowing that you couldn't deny the evidence, no matter how painful it was. “Yes, well, um...”

“What were you thinking to get involved with her?” she asked, making you sigh uncomfortably. “She's terrifying.”

“We could talk about what you were thinking the day you conceived this precious thing,” you said amused, speaking tenderly to the baby. “Lydia, I know what I'm doing. Donna loves me, I love her… Well, I guess the rest doesn't matter.”

“I-I hope you're right, I don't want to lose my friend,” Lydia murmured, looking away.

“You're exaggerating,” you said with a wry smile. “We should meet and talk about all of this more calmly, like we did before.”

“Yes, of course, I think it's a great idea and... Oh, Gods, Lady Beneviento,” she said, suddenly lowering her head.

You frowned and looked up. The lady in black was there, holding her doll, standing still, not moving, but making you feel her intense gaze, hidden by that horrible black veil.

“Oh, Donna, meet my childhood friend, Lydia,” you said in a casual tone, approaching your girlfriend and grabbing her arm romantically.

Donna didn't move, just made a vague gesture with her head, leaning towards your ear.

“Let's go home,” Donna whispered in a hoarse voice.

“Yes, yes, um... Wait for me outside, honey, I'll be right there,” you said with a smile, moving away from Donna, who stood still for a few seconds before walking towards the exit, turning her head towards you from time to time.

“Honey... Gods, (Y/N), she's terrifying,” your friend said when she was free from the doll maker's presence, causing you to laugh slightly as you shook your head.

“Nonsense,” you said, sure of yourself. “Well, I was delighted to see you. I hope we can see each other soon.”

“I hope so too,” the young woman said, looking towards the door through which the lady in mourning came out. “I-I have a lot of things to tell you.”

“Oh, me too,” you said amused.

“I see,” Lydia murmured, scratching the back of her neck.

“Wait a minute,” you said, searching for a piece of paper in your bag and writing something on it. “Here, that's the number of the mansion, call me when you have a chance and we'll catch up,” you said, handing her the piece of paper.

“Hey, you stupid idiot!” a shrill voice that you knew well caught your attention. “Are you coming or what?!”

“Yeah, I'm coming…” you growled at the impatient cries of the Angie doll, looking back at your friend. “Call me, okay? I really want to remember old times.”

“I will, (Y/N).”

You couldn't blame your friend for feeling terror, for feeling all that the rumors said you would feel if you approached the lady in black.

Like everything that happened in your life, chance gave you the opportunity to face that world of nightmares that surrounded Donna’s dark figure, although the result wasn’t exactly what you expected.

Behind that cloud of rumors and gossip hid a tormented soul, a woman with an inferiority complex, solitary, reclusive and surly. The misfortunes of her family had worsened her mental disorders to the point that she caught the attention of Miranda, who adopted her as her fourth daughter.

A terrible past, a deformity on her face, the inability to relate to others… Donna Beneviento was certainly not the ideal woman to fall in love with, but you never looked for the ideal woman.

Kind, loving, romantic… These were aspects that the rumors never talked about, traits of the woman in black that you discovered for yourself and made you fall even more into her protective arms.

With no prospects for a better future, hopelessly in love and curious about the new life that was presented to you, you decided to put aside your attempts to escape the village and start the most important love story of your life.

Jealousy always flew around Donna's head, her erratic and confusing attitude was something you had to learn to deal with, but you always managed, you always overcame any problem.

After a year living with her, with that sinister doll maker, you realized that this was actually your fate, that Donna was precisely the place where you should and wanted to be.

The walk back to the mansion was romantic and silent. As you feared, the lady wasn’t the least bit interested in your words, in your explanation about the young woman who was talking to you.

It didn't surprise you. Anything that had nothing to do with you was of no interest to the lady in black.

The days passed quietly, wrapped in a terribly romantic atmosphere, wrapped in her caresses, her kisses, her whispers…

“Hey, Donna,” you said amused, letting her hand pull your body, sitting you on her lap. “I have to... Read.”

“Read? Well, read with me, tesoro,” she said, her voice velvety soft, kissing you quickly, in one of her romantic outbursts, one of those you secretly adored. “Are you uncomfortable?”

“Mm, let's see…” you sighed amused, placing yourself on her lap, wrapping your hands around her neck. “It's not the best position to read,” you joked seductively.

“Then we're not going to read,” Donna said, whispering on your lips, caressing your back while keeping you close to her, very close, just the way she liked it. “I really want to tell you how much I love you… “

“Oh, really? Because I want to hear it,” you whispered, biting your lip before her kisses moistened the atmosphere.

It seemed like a normal day, an explosion of romance and passion as erratic as Beneviento, one that you no longer knew how to live without. Unfortunately, reality interrupted that festival of kisses and dancing hips with a shrill sound.

“Phone!” Angie shrieked, tugging at her owner's black dress. “Donna, Donna, phone!”

“Ugh, Angie, lasciami,” the lady sighed, concentrating on her kisses, on her hands slipping through the gaps in your dress.

Of course, the doll didn't give up, pulling harder. The sound of the old phone started to be terribly annoying and the lady sighed, fixing your hair with a loving but somewhat disappointed look.

“Pick it up, will you?” Donna said, pushing you away and looking over your shoulder.

“I'm not your servant!” the puppet shrieked, making the noise in the normally quiet mansion even louder. “Damn it.”

With no other choice, the puppet obeyed, comically climbing onto the small table where the phone rang tirelessly.

“This is House Beneviento… Stupid Donna is busy making out with the fool, so drag your ass to the phone later, thanks,” the doll mocked, speaking through the phone, something that irritated the lady.

“Angie…” she hissed in a very low voice, picking you up and sitting you on the couch  among romantic laughs. “Wait a moment, tesoro…” she said to you as an apology.

“I can wait,” you said in a seductive way, arching your eyebrows as Donna approached the small table, making abrupt gestures towards Angie and snatching the phone from her.

“Pronto,” the lady said in a cold tone, almost in a whisper.

Her face darkened little by little. You leaned in curiously. You hadn't heard any praise or Miranda's name, so it was impossible for you to know who was on the other side. Suddenly Donna's head turned to you with a frown, her expression cold and annoyed.

“What's wrong? Who is it?” you asked, surprised, getting up from the couch when you didn't get an answer.

“It's for you,” Donna whispered, with that same cold expression, frowning, extending the phone towards you and immediately moving away, giving you a soft bump with her shoulder.

“For me?” you asked curiously, putting the speaker to your ear. “Um, hello?”

“(Y/N)? It's you...” the voice on the other end said. It seemed a little scared, but it didn't take you long to recognize it.

“Lydia? Oh, hey, how are you?” you said relieved to hear your friend's voice, relief overshadowed by the curious and penetrating expression of the lady in black. “You finally called, I thought you wouldn't.”

“I had to think about it,” she said with a scared laugh. “It's not easy to know that I'm calling to a Lord’s house.”

“You're calling your friend's house, don't be dramatic,” you joked, making a playful gesture towards the lady in black, who completely ignored your funny intentions.

“Yeah, well, um…” Lydia murmured, sighing. “I was thinking that we could meet this afternoon, you know, to chat a bit. It's Igor's day off and he can take care of Ivan.”

“It's a great idea, we have a lot of things to talk about,” you said smiling, frowning at the brunette's stoic and unmovable attitude. “Where? Should I go to your house or would you prefer to have a drink at…?”

“Wait a moment,” Donna interrupted, snatching the phone from your hand and lowering it towards Angie, who took it.

“The line has been interrupted momentarily, silly, wait a bit until it is fixed. In the meantime, I'll delight you with some music…”

A shrill humming forced you to cover your ears as Donna lightly pulled your arm, moving you away from the horrible noises of the doll.

“What's wrong?” you asked confused, at the nervous reaction of the lady, who seemed to shake her head.

“Are you going to meet that girl? Why?” she asked, more like an accusation than an innocent question.

“Um, yes, she's my friend, it's been a while since we've seen each other and…” you said, blinking, trying to interpret the cold emotions of the lady in black. “Oh, calm down, Donna, I won't be long.”

“No, I…” she said, shaking her head, putting her hands on your shoulders. “(Y/N), you know I don't like you… You going...”

“Nothing will happen to me, I know the area perfectly, besides, we will probably go to Luiza's house and…” you said in a normal voice, but suspecting that the doll maker wasn’t happy with your plans.

“Wait a minute, why did you give her my home number?” Donna interrupted, with a more abrupt tone.

“Because it's my home too, isn't it?” you answered intelligently, laughing amused, making the lady shut up with a grunt. “Don't be like that, my love, I'm sure that when I get back we can…” you whispered in an increasingly lower tone, getting closer to her ear. “Keep reading.”

“No, no, wait,” she said, grabbing your wrist when you were about to get closer to the phone again. “Why don't you meet here?”

“Here?” you asked confused, shaking your head and frowning.

The lady nodded unsurely, playing with her hands.

“Y-Yes, well… It's cold outside and I wouldn't want anything to happen to you,” she murmured in a voice that betrayed a big lie.

“It's cold... Donna...” you sighed, hands on your hips. “Isn't it because you want to keep an eye on us?”

“Oh, no... No, I...” she stammered, blinking childishly. “I...”

“Well, fine... I'll tell her,” you sighed, not believing that a visit was such a bad idea, ignoring the brunette's obvious jealousy.

After all, it was much better for her to realize that she had nothing to worry about.

You managed to convince your friend to come to the mansion. Again, you couldn't blame her for being afraid of that place, but you also saw it as a unique opportunity for both of you.

Donna would see that there was no danger in that friendship, and maybe Lydia would understand why you were so in love with the young Lord.

“Hello...” Angie said, mockingly dragging her words when the lady opened the door, revealing a frightened Lydia with her head down. “Are you the fool’s fool friend?”

“Y-Yes, I think so,” the girl said, being rescued by your presence.

“Lydia, I see you have arrived safely,” you joked, giving her a hug, a gesture that the veiled lady observed cautiously, stepping aside.

“Yes, I... Um, you have a very nice house, Lady Beneviento,” your friend said, looking towards the mysterious lady, who sighed annoyed, ignoring that comment.

“Forgive her, she doesn't like to talk,” you said amused, putting a hand on the young woman's back. “Shall we sit? Donna has made tea, right, darling?”

The lady growled discreetly, walking in front of you with a serious air, accompanied by her doll, who watched you amused.

Lydia nodded elegantly, sitting down without losing sight of Donna, who was patiently standing, intimidating the poor girl with her gaze.

“T-Thanks, (Y/N),” she whispered, settling down on the couch.

“Donna,” you said, looking strangely at the lady, who remained motionless. “Um, didn't you have to work on your dolls?”

“Do you think we're going to leave you alone with her, silly girl?” Angie mocked, making your friend step back.

“What do you mean?” you asked nervously, looking for some support in Donna's hidden gaze, one that you were unable to find. “Um, well, I-I suppose you can stay with us, if you want.”

“Yes, we do,” Angie said as the lady sat in front of you, without making a sound, like a ghost.

“Okay... Um... Well...” you murmured embarrassed by that uncomfortable presence.

If it was uncomfortable for you, you didn't want to even imagine what it was like for your friend, who looked at the floor, hoping not to coincide with the hidden, bright eye of Lady Beneviento. There were a few brief moments in which the creaking of the wood was your only companion, the only sound that could be heard in the mansion.

“So... Tell me,” you said, clearing your throat to interrupt the horrible dance of tense glances. “Wow, I never thought you would have a son.”

“Y-Yes, well... I...” your friend stammered, looking discreetly at the lady, who maintained a regal pose in the chair in front of you, with her hands on her knees, like a statue, motionless. “I…”

“Oh, don’t worry about her, just act like she’s not here,” you said, glaring at the lady, who, with her mere presence, was scaring your old friend. “Unless you have something to say… Donna?”

The woman in black shook her head softly as the doll Angie climbed onto the couch, staring at your friend.

“You have a son? Oh, how interesting,” the puppet said, causing your friend to nod slowly.

“Relax, Lydia, I assure you that they know how to keep a secret, don’t they?” you said through clenched teeth, looking at the doll.

“Yes, yes, tell us, tell us,” Angie insisted, jumping comically. “We don’t bite… Usually.”

“Th, the truth is that it wasn't in my plans either,” Lydia finally said, making a great effort to forget about your uncomfortable company. “Igor and I had been dating for years and... Well, we got married and...”

“Have you gotten married?” you asked, putting your legs up on the sofa and resting your head on your hand.

“Actually I married him when I found out I was pregnant, you know... Family stuff...” your friend explained, masterfully ignoring the doll's intense gaze.

“Who is that guy? Do I know him?” Angie asked, with a confident tone that gave you chills.

“T-The baker's son,” she explained.

“I can't believe it,” you said, trying to ease the tension. “After all, I was right.”

“Yes, it seems that way,” she said, amused. “I should have listened to you when you told me he was a good boy.”

“Of course,” you said triumphantly. “When are you going to learn that I'm always right? I'm never wrong.”

“Well, I think that sneaking into the Duke's warehouse to steal alcohol was a wrong decision,” your friend said, amused, forgetting for a moment the awkwardness due to nostalgia.

You blushed, scratching your head.

“Yes, but it was worth it,” you sighed amused.

Little by little the tension dissipated.

Donna seemed not to be there, so your friend gained enough confidence to ignore her intimidating presence. Laughter, memories of youth, anecdotes... Against all odds, it was a funny afternoon.

There really was no reason that would have prevented you from maintaining the relationship with your best friend, but your circumstances, and hers, abruptly separated you. Her son, your new relationship with Donna… It wasn’t the distance or the lack of interest in keeping your only friend, actually, your discovery of the lady in black, the steps your relationship was taking kept you away from the rest of your life, something you had no complaints about, of course.

Getting out of the nice and romantic routine you had with Donna was a breath of fresh air, a reminder that you hadn’t lost your life.

“Yes, I remember,” you said laughing after the second tea, remembering your little teenage misdeeds. “Luiza almost caught us.”

“She caught us, (Y/N), it wasn't the best place to hide from Dimitri,” said Lydia, laughing relaxed too.

“Who's Dimitri?” Angie asked, also interested in your anecdotes, being a pleasant addition to the conversation.

“Oh, a boy from the village, the poor guy thought he had a chance with me,” you said amused, noticing a movement in Donna's hands, which seemed to scratch her dress.

“He really thought so, (Y/N),” your friend said, with an amused smile. “I didn't even know that you were making out with Sofia that night and…”

You, being aware that this was a fact that Donna didn't know, quickly shook your head, trying to make Lydia understand that it was much better to keep that information.

The lady suddenly stood up, startling you. Yes, it had been a bad idea to make that comment.

Luckily, the old clock in the hall calmed that abruptness. That and the doll Angie, who gestured for Donna to sit back down, muttering something you didn't understand.

“Oh, it's late,” you said, sighing wistfully, forgetting that awkward moment. “Are you staying for dinner?”

“Oh, no, I don't want to bother you, besides, I have to, I have to take care of Ivan, but, thank you,” Lydia said kindly, standing up with an elegant curtsy. “Thank you for your time, Lady Beneviento.”

The doll maker looked at her but didn't say anything. She simply stood up slowly, putting her hands in front of her body.

“Wait, I'll come with you,” you said smiling, walking to the door next to your friend, who looked back nervously, making a shy gesture towards the doll, who waved her hand in farewell.

“Bye, bye,” Angie hummed playfully, being quickly grabbed by Donna, who lifted her into her arms.

“Ugh, well, nothing happened,” your friend commented, outside the mansion.

“Of course,” you said, leaning on the door frame.

“But, it was a bit… Disturbing, you know, that… she… was there,” she murmured discreetly. “I'm sorry, (Y/N), that woman scares me a lot.”

“Well, it's understandable,” you said amused, rolling your eyes. “Relax, Lydia, Donna's harmless.”

“I'd like to believe you,” she said in an even lower voice, looking around. “If you don't mind… Next time we'll meet at my house… It's nothing personal, it's just…”

“Yes, I know, Donna scares you,” you said mockingly, to which your friend nodded slowly. “Don't worry, we're in touch, right?”

“Of course, (Y/N), I really enjoyed talking to you… I'll, I'll call you,” Lydia said, turning slowly, taking a last look at the interior of the mansion. “Or, or better you call me, will you?”

“Fine, whatever,” you said kindly, with a calm voice. “Say hello to Igor, oh, and to little Ivan…”

“Of course, (Y/N)… Or, and… Take care, please.”

You frowned, crossing your arms.

“Y-Y-Yeah, sure…” you sighed, watching your friend walking away, and entered the house again, closing the door with a sigh of relief. It hadn't gone so bad, after all. “Anyway… Donna?”

The lady waited for you stoic as always, freeing herself from her black veil, with an expression that was anything but friendly.

Ignoring the danger, you approached her, giving her a small kiss on the lips and grabbing her waist.

“Where were we going, honey? I think you wanted to… Read with me, didn’t you?” you whispered sensually, kissing her again.

Donna pulled away from your kisses, shaking her head.

“I don’t feel like it,” she hissed in a dark whisper, moving your hands away from her body. “Leave me alone.”

“Oh, um, are you okay? I know you don’t like visitors but… It was your idea, so…” you said a nervously. “Do you need something? Do you want me to bring your medicine?”

“I’m going to the workshop to work on my dolls,” she said passively, shaking her head and turning her back on you.

“Okay, um… Donna, honey, are you sure you’re okay?” you asked nervously, playing with your trembling hands.

There was no answer, just an impatient walk of her heels on the wood, disappearing down the elevator hallway.

You looked at Angie, who remained the same as you, confused and shrugging.

“Hey, what got into her?” you asked discreetly, rubbing your forehead. “Did I do something wrong?”

“How would I know?” Angie said, walking away from you, leaving you confused. “Come on, silly, let's play.”

Ignoring the lady's strange attitude, you continued your routine of games with Angie, patiently waiting for dinner time. The moment to sit at the table and exchange romantic glances wasn’t long in coming, but it wasn’t love that was reflected in her bright eye, it was something else.

Donna hadn’t said a word since your friend left, and you knew her well enough to know that there was something that had upset or angered her. Of course, the comments about your past surely had something to do with it.

“Mm, delicious” you murmured with a tender smile, hoping that your affection would calm her worries, as irrational as they were.

The lady looked up briefly, drinking some wine and ignoring your compliments, making you sigh and play with your food, looking in that cold gaze for an explanation of her attitude.

“I don't like her,” the lady murmured, about to finish her dinner, without even looking at you.

“Mm? What are you talking about, sweetheart?” you asked distractedly, relieved to hear her melodic voice after what seemed like an eternity.

“That stupid girl, I don't like her,” Donna whispered, crossing her arms.

“You mean Lydia?” you asked, putting down your cutlery and staring at her. “Why? She hasn't done anything to you.”

“Breaking into my house and stealing my girlfriend, is that not enough for you?” she growled, slamming her fist on the table, causing an ominous sound of glass shaking.

“Wait, if I remember correctly, it was you who asked me to meet here,” you said with an unpleasant, inquisitive tone. “Now you change your mind?”

“I haven't changed my mind,” she said, not alerted by your annoyed tone, elegantly wiping herself with a napkin. “She's stupid, and I still think the same way.”

“Stupid? Lydia hasn't done anything to you, Donna,” you said in an accusatory tone, shaking your head. “In fact, maybe if you hadn't had that dark and sinister attitude you always had, you would have realized that she's a good…”

“Shut up, I don't want to hear you defend her,” she interrupted, pointing at you and cooling her dark gaze even more. “I've heard enough.”

“Oh, wow, and what exactly did you hear?” you asked ironically, crossing your arms with a haughty, defiant tone.

“Too many things, (Y/N),” Donna said furious, clenching her fist so hard that her knuckles turned white. “You told me that I was the first.”

“Yes, and it's true, you were my first long-term relationship, I didn't lie to you,” you said, frowning and letting the air out of your lungs little by little.

“That's why you went around making out with girls, right? As if you were a slut,” the lady growled, getting up from the table and pressing her lips tightly together.

You sighed again, shaking your head, with a mocking and false smile.

“If I haven't told you anything it's precisely to avoid that reaction, darling,” you said, getting up too, enduring the lady's hurtful words, some that, over time, you stopped giving importance to.

After all, Donna was sick. She didn't control her emotions well. You couldn't blame her for that.

“What else have you hidden from me? Did you make love to any of those stupid girls? Have you lied to me about that too?” the lady asked, coming closer and grabbing your arm tightly.

“Let me go, Donna,” you said with a serious voice, breaking free from her grip. “Look, it's clear that I can't talk to you right now, so relax, take a deep breath and think before you say anything else,” you said, putting your hands on her shoulders, making her look away. “That's it... Calm down, my love…”

“I'm sorry,” she apologized after relaxing, playing with your hand nervously. “I shouldn't have said that.”

“Okay, that's better… Now sit down while I pick this up, relax and forget about my past. You are my present, you know that, right, my love?” you said lovingly, lifting her chin and stealing a tender kiss on her lips.

Donna nodded, running her hands over your face and sighing sadly.

“I just don't like that girl, she gives me the creeps,” she said after a few quick and comforting kisses. “I don't want you to see her again.”

“The creeps? Why?” you asked amused, playing with her black hair, keeping your eyes on hers, which seemed to be trying to run away cowardly. “Come on, Donna, she doesn't...”

“I've seen how she looked at you, how she smiled at you. That girl wants something with you, I know it,” she affirmed nervously, grabbing your face harder.

“Don't talk nonsense, she has child and she's married,” you explained calmly, dealing again with her irrational jealousy. “I'm sorry, Donna, but I'm not going to stop seeing my friend because you have that damn paranoia, so you better get used to the idea, okay?”

“She'll take you away from me... I-I'll be alone... You'll leave me!” the lady screamed, making you step back for a moment, her whole body shaking with irrational anger. “You will leave me…”

“Oh, gosh, no honey, no… Stop…” you said worriedly as you watched the love of your life losing her mind, pulling her hair hard as she sobbed. “Shh, Donna, don't do that…”

“I can't stand it, no, no, I can't…” she stammered almost unintelligibly, alternating words in Italian and insults that made no sense. “I can't…”

“Come here…” you whispered lovingly, drawing the lady's trembling body towards yours, letting her rest her head on your shoulder as you hugged and comforted her as you already knew how to do masterfully. “Shh, don't cry, my Donna… I'm here with you… I'll always be here with you…”

“(Y/N)…” the woman sobbed, burying her head in your chest, pulling hard at your dress, desperately scratching your back. “Don't leave me, please, don't go... With-With her...”

“You know I won't, I know you know that,” you said, caressing her head. “Come on, stop crying... Donna...” you insisted, faced with the impossibility of calming her crying, something that was more complicated than other times.

“I don't want you to see her again, please...” she whispered after a moment, after a soft movement of your arms cradling the sick lady. “Don't make me suffer anymore...”

“Donna,” you said with a slightly calmer but firm voice. “Listen to me, you have to... Calm down, okay? Lydia is my friend, just my friend. I'm not interested in her and I'm not interesting to her, you have to understand that I want to see her from time to time, and that doesn't mean that I love you less or anything like that. Please, darling, tell me you understand…”

“I… V-Va, va bene…” Donna murmured, slowly moving away, surely embarrassed by her behavior. “S-She’s your friend.”

“Yes, that’s it,” you said with a smile, discreetly checking that the lady hadn’t managed to hurt herself. “She’s my friend, just my friend.”

“S-She won’t take you away from me, will she? You won’t leave me for her, will you?” she asked desperately, grabbing your hands tightly.

You hissed at the pain, but remained calm.

“Of course not, Donna,” you said, kissing her quickly, feeling the salty taste of her tears on your lips. “You are the most important thing to me.”

Donna nodded slowly, with a sad smile.

“I love you, (Y/N)…” she whispered in your ear.

“Me too, Donna… So much,” you said with a smile that she returned. “Now… Stay here with Angie while I pick this up and then… Well, then maybe I can prove to you the truth of my words,” you said, winking at her, making her laugh shyly. “Angie, stay with her, okay? Take care of her for me.”

“Yes, ma'am,” the doll said, gracefully climbing up her owner's body. “Hey, hey, Donna, let's play guessing games...”

Crisis over, for the moment.

Time went on and, luckily, Donna finally agreed to let you maintain the friendship that you had lost. Almost every day you met with Lydia to chat, to drink a coffee or a beer at Luiza's.

You knew that Donna wasn’t exactly happy about it, but you appreciated her apparent change of mind. Her only condition was simple: not to abandon her, not to stop caring for her, not to stop showing her that she were the most important thing for you.

Everything was going perfectly. With jealousy slightly set aside and a friendship recovered, you could say without a doubt that you were living one of the best stages of your life. But, as always, everything had to go wrong at some point.

“But who is this precious child?” you said while playing with Lydia's baby, on one of your afternoons of quiet chat. “Hello, hello, hello… Hey, he suits me, doesn't he?”

“Yeah, well,” your friend joked, shaking her head. “More or less.”

“More or less? Little Ivan adores Aunt (Y/N), doesn't he?” you said amused, making funny faces at the baby, who responded with an adorable laugh. “Look, I make him laugh.”

“It's not something complicated,” she said, looking at you fondly.

“I see, maybe I'm better at it than I thought,” you commented, giving the child back to his mother. “I don't know, maybe one day…”

“You're not thinking about…” she said, frowning. “With her?”

“Oh, no, I'm not saying that... Um, well, I'm good with kids, but I don't really want to start a family... right now...” you murmured somewhat nervously.

“I understand your doubts,” Lydia commented, with a mocking expression. “It's definitely not a good idea.”

“Hey, what do you mea...?” you said, giving her a soft punch on the shoulder.

“(Y/N), I'm glad to see you,” Igor, your friend's husband said, entering through the door.

“How are you?” you asked your old friend amused. “I was talking to your wife about how good I am with children.”

“You? I find it hard to believe,” the boy joked, greeting his wife affectionately.

“I notice a certain distrust towards me...” you said mockingly.

“No, it's just that we know you,” your friend said, causing you to stick out your tongue, amused.

“Yes, yes, very funny,” you said pretending to be annoyed, crossing your arms.

“Are you staying for dinner, (Y/N)?” Igor asked kindly.

“Dinner?” you asked, frowning and looking at a nearby clock. It was 9 pm and that time marked something you had forgotten. “Oh, shit…”

That night, precisely that night you had met Donna to have a romantic dinner since, that same day, was the anniversary of your first kiss.

Among laughs, anecdotes and memories of the past, you had forgotten.

“What's wrong?” your friend asked, alerted by the way you got up from the couch to grab your coat.

“Today I had to dinner with Donna, a romantic dinner… Shit, shit, I had completely forgotten…” you said regretfully, sighing and closing your eyes. “I'm sorry to leave like this, but…”

“Don't worry,” they both said, watching in astonishment as you disappeared from their house almost running.

You quickly ran through the dark forest, thinking of a valid excuse for the lady in black. You knew there wasn't one, that you had failed at something so simple, that you had, for a moment, forgotten about her.

“D-Donna?” you asked timidly as you entered the mansion slowly, with your heart beating scared, too fast. “My love, I…”

The lady in black suddenly appeared with a cold look and, without saying a word, grabbed your arm, dragging you into the living room and sitting you violently in your chair.

“Donna, hey, relax, I…” you said, scared by that attitude, by the look of hatred that you saw in her eye. “L-Listen, I…”

“Eat,” she ordered you in a dark voice, pointing at your plate, illuminated by some weak candles.

“What? Honey, let me explain…” you said making reassuring gestures with your hands. “Donna…”

“Eat!” she shrieked furiously, grabbing your hand so you could take a fork and sink it into the food. “Eat!”

“Um, okay, okay,” you said, taking some pasta to your mouth, looking in fear at the deranged lady. “I-It's…”

“Do you know what this is?” Donna asked mockingly, breathing heavily. “Do you know what it is, (Y/N)?!”

“I-It's pasta with oil and garlic, right? My favorite,” you said with a cowardly smile, with a broken voice that tried to overcome the situation.

“It's cold pasta, (Y/N)!” the lady shrieked, slamming her fists on the table, making you pull your hands away in fear of being hit too. “And you know why? Because you didn't come…”

You sighed, closing your eyes and rubbing your forehead.

“I know… I, I lost track of time and…” you said, apologizing weakly, knowing that nothing you said would help. “Forgive me, Donna.”

“Forgive me, Donna,” she repeated, with an unpleasant tone. “How dare you to do that to me on our anniversary?!”

“I didn't mean to, I was with Lydia and…” you said nervously, keeping your cool.

“Of course, you were with her,” Donna hissed, bending down to look at you with a nervous, dangerous eye, speaking with an ironically melodic accent. “Did you have a good time?”

“Donna, that's enough, hey, I'm sorry, okay?” you said, slowly getting up. “I forgot about dinner, but not about you.”

“Not about me…” she hissed again, shaking her head with a sinister smile. “You forgot about me!”

“No, that's not true,” you said in your defense, adopting a slightly more confident attitude. “I made a mistake but…”

“A mistake… a mistake!” she shrieked, waving her arms, laughing in a disturbing way. “I'm a mistake to you!”

“No!” you shouted, trying, unsuccessfully, to reason with her. “You're not! I just forgot about a damn dinner, Donna!”

“It may be just a dinner to you, but you know it's important to me, you know that…” she whispered, shaking her head. “If a stupid dinner is so unimportant… You don't need to say anything else.”

“Hey, we all make mistakes, you too. I've acknowledged my fault, it's not fair that you torture me,” you said hissing, also holding the lady's cold gaze. “I've already said I'm sorry.”

“Do I make mistakes?” the lady asked, pointing at herself. “Of course, I made the mistake of letting you keep seeing that bitch...”

“Stop insulting my friend! She hasn't done anything to you!” you shouted furiously, fed up with her contempt towards Lydia, something that hadn't changed. “You're just jealous.”

“What am I supposed to do? Stay waiting like every day? Think about what the hell are you doing with that girl while I'm here alone, crying because you don't come?”

“You're selfish, Donna,” you growled, pushing away another attempt by the lady to grab you, moving away from her but hardening your tone. “Get this into your head, darling: you don’t own me.”

Donna roared in rage, kicking one of the chairs, knocking it over irremediably, making you back off again.

“Of course, of course…” she said, laughing madly. “I get it, (Y/N)… Since I'm not your owner, you think you have the freedom to fuck all the whores you find, right? Why give me explanations? I'm just… Your fucking girlfriend!”

“You're rambling again,” you whispered, shaking your head. “When you stop talking nonsense, we can talk more calmly.”

“I'm rambling, I'm rambling,” the lady gasped, clenching her fists on either side of her hips. “It's my fault for falling in love with a slut like you,” Donna growled, pushing you unpleasantly.

Ignoring that terrible insult and the tears that were beginning to form in your eyes, you took a step forward, not letting yourself be intimidated by her harsh words.

“In love? Let me doubt it,” you said mockingly, defiant again. “You are incapable of loving, Donna, you only want to possess and wow, how curious, I am not your possession, I will never be!”

“Chiudi il becco!” Donna shrieked, approaching hastily and grabbing the collar of your dress, scaring you for the first time. “Porca puttana! You are mine, (Y/N)…”

“No, I'm not, I'm your girlfriend, not your possession, get that through your head and… Donna, let me go, you're hurting me,” you protested, struggling with her grip. “Damn it…”

“Mm, maybe you're right, (Y/N),” the mad lady said, releasing your clothes in a calmer tone. “Maybe I haven't made things clear… Oh, it's my fault, (Y/N)… My fault for letting you do whatever you wanted…”

“What?” you asked, putting on your clothes.

“Mm, maybe I've been too soft with you… Maybe I should tie you to my bed to make sure you never… leave me again!”

The rage that those words provoked in you was already unbearable. The rage traveled through your veins, heating up your body until your fury came out in the form of a loud slap towards the lady in black, who turned her head at the blow, but didn't change her gaze.

“You know what, Donna? People are right, you are a dangerous lunatic, a freaking nutcase who only knows how to give nightmares, to cause pain…” you said sobbing while Donna held her bruised cheek, looking at you with a terrifying gleam. “You are stupid, Donna Beneviento, a selfish lunatic who is incapable of behaving better than a three-year-old girl and you know what? I’m fed up. I’m sick of you.”

“Hey, hey, that's enough!” Angie interrupted, comically separating you. “Hey, Donna, (Y/N), stop!”

“I hate you,” you whispered through your teeth, pushing the woman roughly. “You finally got it, honey. I'm leaving.”

“W-What?” Donna stammered blinking in confusion at your words as you hit her with your shoulder, walking without stopping towards the elevator.

Crying, but still angry, you gathered several of your stuff and put them in a backpack, making that hard and horrible decision, determined to leave the love of your life forever.

“W-Wait, wait (Y/N),” the lady said, trying to stop you from leaving, something you ignored with a haughty gesture, walking out the door. “Wait, wait, please!”

“I don't want to see you again... You're the biggest mistake of my life,” you hissed before leaving, closing the door abruptly.

“W-Well... Then...” Donna said hastily, opening the door again while you walked into the darkness. “Then leave! Don't you dare come back... or I'll kill you! “

“Mm, I should have guessed,” you commented with irony.

There weren't many places you could go. Your friend's house, the indirect cause of that terrible argument, seemed like your best option.

“I'm sorry, (Y/N),” your friend said, enduring your tears, warming your spirit with a cup of tea. “But, but I warned you...”

“I know you warned me,” you said abruptly. “Gods... Donna...”

“She can't force you to give up your life, you haven't done anything wrong, (Y/N), besides, you can stay here as long as you need,” Lydia said, rubbing your back.

“W-Well, being late for a romantic dinner is not pleasant…” the husband commented, sitting casually on one of the arms of the sofa.

“Igor,” your friend scolded. “I already knew this would end up happening. You should never have approached that woman.”

“Do you think I don't know? That I didn't know what I was getting myself into?” you asked abruptly, sobbing inconsolably. “I never thought Donna would say such horrible things…”

“People say horrible things when they're angry,” Igor commented, scratching the back of his neck.

“Hey, we're not talking to you,” she said in a brusque tone. “Don't pay attention to him.”

“No… He's right,” you said, shaking your head, burying your face in your hands. “I've also behaved like an idiot, I've said things to her that… that I don't really think.”

“She can't force you to stop seeing your friend, that's not fair, (Y/N),” Lydia said, convinced of her words, reasonable ones. “That's not right.”

“I know,” you said, nodding. “But I can't help but feel that… That I'm somewhat to blame.”

“Don't talk nonsense, I repeat: you haven't done anything wrong,” she said. “That woman is crazy, she sees enemies where there aren't and she controls you. You did well by abandoning her.”

“I know what Donna is like,” you said, looking up. “I know she's terribly jealous and that… Well, she misinterprets things but… but she's also loving, kind, romantic… she took care of me, Lydia, she really did.”

“I can't believe you're still defending her,” the girl said, sighing reluctantly. “She could have hurt you.”

“She would never hurt me,” you said, sure of your words. “She would never... Oh, I know how I sound, that I sound stupid but it's just that... Lydia, I... I love her more than anything. Her flaws are not even a shadow of her virtues. With her, I feel safe and... I don't know what I would do without her. Oh, Gods... I have to, I have to go back.”

Without saying another word, you left the house again, running towards the forest.

Yes, you were right, she was wrong but you hadn't stopped to think that you might be wrong too. Donna had always been alone. She didn't understand the concept of friendship. You, on the other hand, insisted on returning to your teenage years, leaving aside the poor lady in black.

You should have been more understanding with her and not act like you didn't care, not say those horrible things to her.

You were both guilty.

Slowly, you opened the door, finding Donna in a corner, crying inconsolably.

“Donna…” you sighed, leaving your backpack on the floor. “Donna, honey, I’m back…”

“(Y/N),” she said, getting up immediately, her face torn apart by tears. “P-Please, don't leave... Don't leave me... Please... All the things I said... I didn't want to, I shouldn't have…”

“Shh…” you whispered calmly, caressing her cheek. “I've said a lot of stupid things too. I didn't want to, really, I don't think that way.”

“Forgive me, please…” she whispered, hugging you desperately. “I-I was jealous and…”

“I know, I know darling…” you said, caressing her back, letting the lady cry on your shoulder again. “I'm to blame too… I should have understood your feelings better. But, uh, if you want, we can get over it, what do you think?”

“Y-yes, I… I won't fail you again… I love you, (Y/N)…”

[charmingly-helpless]

let's go home

A/N: heyyy... it's been a while (two years) since i've written something. life just got busy, but i hope you're all doing well. anyway, i've been rewatching criminal minds and got inspired to write this. i hope you like it!

pairing: season 6 Emily Prentiss x fem!Y/N

warnings: angst, toxic relationship, control issues, trust issues, canon character death, grief, (but everything is okay in the end)

word count: 2517

Read on AO3

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

"Where have you been?"

You dropped your bag to the floor and shrugged off your jacket, hanging it up.

"Out. How was work?"

Emily ignored your question, crossing her arms as she leaned against the wall, watching you with curious eyes.

"Out with who?"

"No one, Em. Am I not allowed to leave this apartment?" You sighed.

"You never just leave without telling me where you're going or who you're with, don't give me an attitude."

You roll your eyes, heading to the bedroom. Emily stopped you.

"You're not going to bed without telling me where you've been."

"Why does it matter? You've been at work. I just wanted to get some fresh air," you threw your hands up in slight frustration. "You leave every morning, and I don't question you. Why can't I do the same?"

"Because I don't trust you!" Emily raised her voice. She blocked off your path, glaring at you.

You narrowed your eyes, steeling your composure to not show that her words had hurt you.

"Why not? I'm your girlfriend."

"And that means I should trust you just because we are dating? You've given me plenty of reasons not to trust you."

"Like what?"

Emily placed her hands on her hips, standing up straighter. "You've been secretive, you're too friendly with other women, you're always on your phone, you hide things from me."

Rage bubbled inside your chest. "Do you think you're a saint, Emily? You are no different from me. How many times have I tried to ask you about your day, just for you to shut down? How many times have I been tossed aside while you prioritize your work? How many hours have I spent waiting for you to come home, worrying that you were shot dead when you'd really just fallen asleep at your desk?"

Emily flinched, surprised by seeing you so angry, and how true your words were.

"Y/N, that's different. i'm just... busy all the time, or have classified information..."

You felt tears sting in your eyes.

"I can't do this anymore," you whisper.

Emily froze in place at your words, watching you grab a duffle bag from the hallway closet.

"What?"

You swiftly moved to the bedroom, feeling Emily follow behind you. You started packing a few essentials, deciding that you would come back later for more things.

"You know what."

"You're leaving?"

"I don't think you're ready to be in a serious relationship, Em. I saw the signs from the start, but I overlooked them because I liked you. But I can't put up with all the secrets, the lying, and the distrust anymore. I'm your girlfriend; I trust you more than I trust anyone in the whole world, and it hurts that you don't feel the same about me."

You wiped your tears.

Emily took a step forward, feeling a surge of panic.

"Sweetheart, listen, it's not like that... I..." she faltered, unable to think of anything that would fix this situation.

You waited for Emily to continue, but her silence was enough of an answer. You zipped up your bag and walked over to Emily, giving her a soft kiss on her forehead.

"I love you, Em. But I can't stay here."

Emily's face briefly softened at your kiss, but her heart dropped as your departure started becoming very real.

"I-" Emily's voice cracked. "Can I talk to you? Please?"

You stopped by the door, considering your next words very carefully.

"I've given you so many chances to talk to me. If all it takes is for me to leave, then it's probably too late."

A wave of hurt crashed over Emily, even though she knew there was a truth to your words.

"I promise I'm ready to talk now."

You made the grave mistake to turn back, and one look at her sad brown eyes was convincing enough. Wordlessly, the two of you walked to the couch and sat down.

Emily took your hand, breathing a sigh of relief when you didn't pull away.

"I know I haven't been the best girlfriend over the past couple months, okay? I-I admit, I've been keeping some things from you, but you have to understand..."

"Understand what?" You voice was soft, but your tone harsh.

"Understand why I was keeping them from you, I just..." Emily sighed. "I was scared. Scared to tell you certain things."

You looked into her eyes. "Is something happening at work? Or is it something in our relationship?"

There was a moment of hesitation before Emily spoke.

"I-it's work-related, yes... and it's the reason I've been so... on edge."

"Does it have something to do with Ian Doyle?" You pieced together.

Emily froze, the name she never wanted you to know of coming out of your mouth.

"Where did you hear that?"

You sensed the anxiousness in her voice, and you knew you were treading on dangerous waters.

"I came home early one night, and I overheard you talking on the phone to someone. You sounded stressed out, I figured it had something to do with work."

Emily nodded slowly.

"I... H-how much of that did you hear?"

You shook your head, "Not much. Just a few names and details. 'Interpol', 'undercover', 'Lauren Reynolds.'"

Just hearing those words alone made Emily anxious.

"I need you to keep what you heard a secret, okay? Don't tell anyone, not even the team. Can you promise me that?"

"Yes, of course."

A wave of silence washed over the two of you. Emily fiddled with her fingers, but never took her eyes off yours.

"Emily, I don't have to worry about losing you, do I?"

Emily managed a small smile, holding your gaze for the longest time.

"No, you don't have to worry about that. I'm not going to let anything keep me away from you, Y/N. I promise."

It was like the storm clouds had finally parted, revealing a glimpse of blue skies above. For the first time in your year-long relationship, Emily had finally opened up to you about something.

You slowly moved in for a hug, giving Emily the chance to opt out if she wanted to. But she leaned into your embrace, hugging you with such intensity, as if you'd vanish if she let go of you. Emily had never been so scared to lose someone before, and she knew that she could never risk losing you ever again.

You were the first to break the silence.

"This can't happen again, Em. I need you to be honest and trust me. I value your feelings, and I don't want to lose you."

Emily nodded as you voiced her thoughts exactly.

"I know. I promise... There's, uh... one other thing I need to tell you about."

"What is it?" You pull away to look at her.

"I need to go somewhere tomorrow to deal with an issue from my Interpol days. I'm not sure how long I'll be gone..."

Emily stood up, walking over to the window and knelt down. She flipped up a floorboard, taking out a padded envelope.

"If I'm not back within a week, I want you to open this."

You took the envelope.

"What are you planning to do, Em?" your voice shook.

"It's just a precaution," Emily lied in order to not worry you. "There's a risk that comes with every mission I go on. I just want you to keep this for the future."

When you didn't reply, Emily took your hands into hers.

"I'm going to be fine."

You nodded, touching your forehead to Emily's.

"Will you stay? Come to bed with me?"

Emily's soft and vulnerable words sent an ache to your heart.

"Yeah."

The two of you settled into bed. You laid on your side, face to face with Emily. She leaned in to plant a kiss on your forehead, wrapping her arms protectively around you.

"I love you, Y/N.”

"I love you, too."

Long after you dozed off, Emily remained awake. She wanted to remember how your body molded perfectly against hers, the smell of your shampoo and how your hair tickled her nose, and how her heart beat differently when she was around you. She worried about how you would hold up if something happened to her. She tried to stay as still as possible to not disturb your sleep. After what felt like hours, she let sleep overcome her as well.

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

The next day, you woke up to an empty bed. Emily had already left as she usually did, but this time it came with a heavy, lingering feeling. Of what, you weren't sure yet.

You sat up in bed and glanced at the alarm clock on Emily's bedside table, which told you that it was almost 12pm. You felt something on your forehead and you reached up to find it was a bright pink sticky note. You laughed, remembering how Emily used to leave notes stuck on your forehead if she woke up and left before you.

“Be home soon. I love you,” the note read in Emily’s cursive handwriting. You stuck it to the wall above your nightstand.

You had the day off from work, so you started your day of relaxation. A few hours later, a knock on the door jolted you out of your focus on a TV show you were binging. Your limbs protested as you stood up from the position you’ve been sitting in all day.

A familiar face stood behind the door.

“Andersen?”

Agent Andersen had a solemn expression on his face.

“Y/N, I regret to inform you that Agent Prentiss has been injured in the field. I’ve been sent by Agent Hotchner to bring you to the hospital.”

The world went silent as his words sunk in. This wasn’t the first time during your relationship that Emily had gotten injured, but it wasn’t the kind of thing that got easier every time.

The journey to the hospital was a blur. Before you knew it, you were in the waiting room. A heavy silence occupied the room as you and the team waited for an update.

Finally, the doors opened and you stood up, almost falling over until Rossi took your arm. With one look at JJ’s face, you knew your worst fears had come true.

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

It’s been seven months since Emily died. Seven months since you attended her funeral. Seven months since you quit your job, packed your bags, and left town without telling anyone.

You’ve been living in a permanent state of anxiety and grief ever since Emily’s passing. You could barely register anything happening around you, not with the words “she never made it off the table” echoing in your mind constantly. You currently resided in New York with your friend, who was in their first year of residency and basically lived at the hospital, so you had the apartment to yourself a majority of the time.

You became vaguely aware of your phone ringing as you pulled yourself out of your daze. You were surprised and confused when the caller ID read Hotch’s name. The first month after your very sudden departure, your phone was bombarded with calls from each member of the BAU. As time passed and their calls kept going unanswered, they ceased their contact. Occasionally, you would get a few voicemails from Penelope who would update you on things happening in her life and to tell you that she missed you.

“Hi.”

“Y/N,” Hotch’s voice lifted in surprise. “I wasn’t sure if you would answer.”

You sighed.

“Well, here I am.”

“I’m…” Hotch trailed off for a second. “I’m calling because I need you to come back to Quantico.”

“Not interested.”

“I wouldn’t be asking if this wasn’t important, Y/N,” Hotch spoke quickly before you could hang up.

You thought about it for a moment.

“I’ve already sent the jet your way. JJ will meet you at the airport.”

You chuckle.

“I haven’t agreed yet.”

“I think you’ll want to be back here. Just trust me.”

The thought of reuniting with JJ and the rest of the team was tempting. You hadn’t realized how much you missed them all these months.

“Okay.”

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

JJ met up with you at the airport runway, pulling you into a tight embrace that you reciprocated. The two of you caught up with each other as the jet got ready for takeoff.

JJ sat up straight, her face becoming serious but still warm.

“Y/N, there’s something I need to tell you before we land.”

You held her gaze, sensing a hint of anxiety in her voice.

“What is it?”

Just like seven months ago in that waiting room, the world stopped spinning when you heard JJ’s words. You sat like a statue as she recounted the events, from Emily’s transfer to Paris to the team taking down Doyle at last.

When you were unresponsive for too long, JJ gently touched your hand.

“Emily is alive?” you ask for confirmation, not believing what you heard.

“Yes.”

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

Your steps from the runway into the office were quick and frantic, even JJ had to try to keep up with you. Through the glass doors of the office, you made eye contact with Hotch.

“Emily’s alive? Where is she? Is she here?”

Hotch didn’t answer your rapid-fire questions, but he swiftly led you into his office. Your heart was beating out of your chest and you could hear each pump of blood.

The figure in the room turned around and you gasped when your eyes met brown ones that you thought you would never see again. The Emily that stood before you had small changes in her appearance, but she was still your beloved Emily.

Emily approached you slowly, as one might approach a scared puppy.

“Y/N.”

You let out a sob, diving forward and pulling Emily into your embrace. She held you, tenderly stroking your hair as you cried into her neck. Tears sprang into Emily’s eyes as she felt her heart begin to mend having you in her arms.

“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry…” Emily repeated softly. “I had to keep us safe until Doyle was captured. I’m so sorry I had to leave you, and that I had to lie to you.”

You shook your head, pulling away slightly to see her face.

“You had no choice, I understand. I’m just glad you’re here. I thought I lost you for good.”

“You’ll never lose me again,” Emily wiped a tear from your cheek. “These past seven months have been hell without you. All I could think about was how rocky our relationship had been in the months before I left. I promise you that I won’t let us go back to that. It’s not going to be easy, and I have a lot of issues to work through, but I’m going to put in the work. I trust you wholeheartedly, Y/N.”

You smile at her words, feeling that things will be different this time around.

“That means a lot to me, Em.”

Emily tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, cradling your chin in her hand.

“Let’s go home, okay?”

“Let’s go home.”

[pwblant]

17. the big day

april 17, thursday

belle pulls into the parking lot, and you sit quietly in the passenger seat.

"since when were you into nct? i thought you weren’t into their kind of music," you ask, curious why belle had suddenly invited you to an nct concert last minute.

"ah, well... you know, i try to explore new genres sometimes. it gets boring listening to the same songs every day," she replies casually, clearly trying to play it off. "anyway, we’re here now," she adds, shifting the subject.

"a riize concert would've been better," you joke, grinning.

the second you mention the group’s name, belle stiffens. goosebumps spread down her arms, and she subtly grips the steering wheel tighter. she’s determined not to let anything slip.

"hey! don’t compare them—they’re both good in their own ways," belle says, but there’s a slight crack in her voice. she pauses, and you notice her hands start to tremble slightly.

"you good?" you ask, sensing the shift in her tone.

"i'm fine! let’s just head in," she insists, quickly getting out of the car and leading the way to the entrance.

"tickets, please?" the front guard asks as you both approach.

"yep, right here for two," belle says, pulling out her phone to show the two digital copies.

"backstage passes? you ladies can head through that entrance," the guard says, pointing to a different path.

"thank you! let’s go, y/n!" belle says enthusiastically, tugging you along.

"wait—did he just say backstage?" you ask, hurrying to catch up.

"ah, yeah—no clue why he said that. i only booked us vip seats. must’ve been a mistake. haha," belle laughs nervously.

"we’re vip seated? oh my gosh, i’ve never sat that close at a concert before! thank you, belle!" you say excitedly, clinging to her arm. belle just smiles, relieved the topic seems to be over.

"here it is," she says as security pulls back the curtain, revealing the entrance.

"sunoo? minjeong..?" you blurt out, eyes widening as you recognize the familiar faces standing just beyond the curtain.

"oh... hey! funny running into you two here!" belle says, forcing a laugh as if this wasn’t the exact situation they were all planning this whole time.

“what’s going on?" you question the situation. you were expecting a lot of things to happen today, but this was definitely not on your list.

belle sighs, finally giving in. "okay, fine. we might have planned this."

"you planned for us to meet backstage at an… nct concert?" you ask, still processing.

"yes... surprise?" she offers weakly.

despite your initial confusion, you can’t help but laugh. "belle, you could’ve just told me! this is insane."

"i know, i know. but hey, can we fix everything that happened between the four of us? it’s been so long," belle says, nudging you lightly.

“we’ve been meaning to apologize to you y/n, we’re so sorry for what happened in the past. we overreacted and we realized that too late. we really miss you guys,” winter said with a pleading look on her face, genuinity seeping through her voice.

your eyes started welling up with tears. “of course i forgive you guys, i was in the wrong too y’know.” you said, rushing up to give the both of them a warm, tight hug.

“belle, join us!” you call.

the four of you hug each other like there’s no tomorrow. life really hadn’t been the same when all of you were torn apart.

minjeong chuckles, being the first to break the hug. "well, now you’re here, come on, let’s not keep the others waiting."

"others?" you echo, following as they lead you deeper inside.

belle just smiles, this time genuinely. "trust me, you’ll like this part."

—

masterlist | next

TAGLIST : OPEN (comment to be added)

@binoyu @sqh3e @antosaurius @yoursyuno @jvngw0nlvr @dorritoni @dudekiss3r @tadadw @choc0br3ad @kukkurookkoo @nujeskz

[class1akids]

Japanese reactions to the MHA 424 Shouto panel

I went through the Japanese Shouto tags last night on Twitter because I was curious about their reactions to Shouto's panel and what it may mean. The comments were around 5 main topics:

1. Sad that he's alone

ここでは1人でいてほしくないなって思いました - I didn't want you to be alone here, I thought

1人になるなーーッッ！！！囲め囲め！- Don't be alone!!! Surround them, surround them!!

🍰くん後ろ姿で1人なの辛すぎ 誰か……誰か近くに行ってあげてくれ

🍰-kun, it's so painful to see you all alone and looking at your back. Someone... Someone please go and get him.

2. A general sense of unease, wondering what kind of fallout he'll get and if he'll be blamed for the rest of his life for Dabi

🍰くんの後ろ姿が不安で仕方ない… I can't help but feel uneasy about 🍰-kun's back

轟くんが心配 - I'm worried about Todoroki

🍰家こそ……戦いの終わりが憎しみの終わりじゃないんだよな……の背中… 🍰 The end of the battle is not the end of the hatred...

Ahhhh, I wonder if 🍰will continue to be blamed by the citizens as I've often seen in fan fiction. Seriously,🍰 's path to becoming a hero is too harsh.

本誌　ヒロアカ 轟家はこれから先地獄と言われてるし覚悟してるけど轟くんの後ろ姿で泣く Magazine: It's been said that the future of the Todoroki family in My Hero Academia will be hellish, and I'm prepared for it, but seeing Todoroki's back makes me cry

No matter how hard 🍰-kun tries, there will always be a certain number of people who will unreasonably hurt 🍰 -kun, and it's really painful to think that this will never go to zero. People will probably say all sorts of things about 🍰-kun without knowing how much resolve he had and how much pain he fought to overcome. But I guess that's the reality. I hope he'll be happy.

tdrkくんだけ後ろ姿なの辛い しかも「けれど」っていう言葉と同じコマなのはやっぱりまだtdrk家はまだ終わってないし終われない、これからどうしていくのかっていう方が大事なんだよね だからとぅやくんも生きてるんだよね It's sad that only tdrk is shown from behind Moreover, the reason it's in the same frame as the word "however" is that the TDRK family isn't over yet and can't end, what's important is what to do from now on, and that's why Touya is still alive.

しょとくん、これから「俺の顔見たら遺族や被害者家族が苦しむと思うから」という理由でテレビ雑誌などの媒体に一切出ず、給料も莫大に入ってるのに最低限だけ残して全部ダビの遺族への慰謝料に当てて、俺は幸せになっちゃいけないからヒーロー業だけ専念するんだ…という生活を送ったら…どうしよう… - Shoto, from now on you won't be appearing on TV, in magazines or in any other media because "I think the bereaved families and the victims' families will suffer if they see my face", and even though you're making a huge salary, you'll only keep the bare minimum and use it all to pay compensation to Dabi's victims' families, and you can't be happy so you'll focus only on your hero work...what should I do if I live that kind of life...?

🍰くんだけ背負ってるものが大きすぎるし、ヴィランではなく世論を相手にしなくては行けない未来が待っているのは必至だし、もちろん 🍰くんはその業を進んで背負うんだろうけど、ちょっと辛いなと思った時に思い出せる仲間たちがいて、折れない起源をちゃんと家族以外で作ることができてよかった

🍰s the only one who has to carry a heavy burden, and it's inevitable that a future awaits him in which he will have to deal with public opinion rather than villains, and of course 🍰 will willingly bear that burden, but I'm glad that he has friends he can remember when he's feeling a bit down, and that he was able to create an unyielding origin outside of his family.

とどろきくんちどうなっ…ウ……顔見えない…なにを思ってる…しょと……What's going on at Todoroki's house... I... I can't see his face... What are you thinking... Wait...

tdrkくんはdabiのこととかあるしそこらへん描かれるかな dkくんとも喋ってほしいな！！！tdrk-kun has things to do with dabi, so I wonder if that will be depicted. I'd love to talk to DK-kun too!!!

冒頭の明るい雰囲気は「5歳の読者」に向けての先生の心遣いだと思うけど、「元には戻らない」ということが繰り返し描かれていて、そこはよかった…。 デも勝も現時点でいったん何かしらを失ったけど、ショは大丈夫ですか…？　ショは30巻からもうだいぶ失いっぱなしだから、これ以上はないすか…？I think the bright atmosphere at the beginning is the teacher's consideration for the "5-year-old readers," but I liked how it repeatedly depicts the idea that "things can't go back to the way they were." Both De and Katsu have lost something so far, but is Sho okay? Sho has already lost a lot since volume 30, so is there anything more he can do?

3. The meaning of the Ochako - Shoto - Spinner panels and the villains fate (also, JPN fandom was also really confused about the Spinner scales panel - many thinking it was oysters or the remains of Dabi)

とどろきくんとお茶子ちゃん、単純にこれで良かったにならない2人のエピソードもやってくれそうで嬉しいな。 それは2人だけじゃないのは大前提やけど、今後周りから受けるものが賞賛でも非難でも、2人の中でこれで良かったともならず、これで終わりとはしなさそうなので、真っ直ぐ明るいものだけじゃな

I'm glad that they will also have episodes about Todoroki and Ochako that don't simply end with the ending. It's a given that they're not the only ones who feel this way, but whether they receive praise or criticism from those around them in the future, it doesn't seem like they're happy with this or that this is the end, so it's not just about being straightforward and bright.

爆豪勝己 緑谷出久が笑いあってるよ。 お茶子ちゃん、轟くん心配だな…トガちゃんと荼毘くん…轟くん『一緒にうどん食べる』って言ってたもんね… Bakugou Katsuki and Midoriya Izuku are laughing together. Ochako-chan, I'm worried about Todoroki-kun... Toga-chan and Dabi-kun... Todoroki-kun said he wanted to eat udon together...

救えたとか救えなかったのか、デとお茶子と轟くんはこの先一生考えていくんだろうし、やっぱ今後の個性社会と同じで元には戻れないね

Deku, Ochako, and Todoroki will probably be thinking about whether they were able to save him or not for the rest of their lives, and just like in the future society of quirks, there's no going back.

mdryizkとbkgktkが主軸で、それにtdrkshtとurrkochkを合わせてくれたのが嬉しい　みんながどうこれから歩んでいくのかめちゃくちゃ楽しみ　tdrkくんがね、心配だけど　hrks先生だからきっと大丈夫

I'm glad that mdryizk and bkgktk are the main focus, and that tdrksht and urrkochk were added to them. I'm really looking forward to seeing how everyone will move forward from now on. I'm worried about tdrk-kun, but I'm sure it'll be fine because it's hrks-sensei.

何でお茶子ちゃんと轟くんの間にスピナーの鱗？なんだろ、と思ったけど明るい未来を示すキーパーソン的な意味での並びかな- Why are Spinner's scales between Ochako-chan and Todoroki-kun? I wondered why, but I guess it's because they're key people who represent a bright future.

4. If Shouto lost his voice

い、嫌じゃ！嫌じゃ！🍰くんから「mdry」の鳴き声が失われるのは嫌じゃ！！（いいぞやれぇ！やっちまえぇhrks先生ぇ！）

I, I don't want that! I don't want that! I don't want 🍰 to lose the cry of "mdry"!! (Go ahead! Go for it, hrks-sensei!)

轟くん親子赫灼熱拳のシーン技名心の声で叫んでるのか実際声に出して叫んでるのかどっちなんだろ… In the scene where Todoroki-kun and his father use the Burning Fist, are they shouting the name of the technique in their minds or actually shouting it out loud?

これはちょっとズレた想像かもしれないけどtdrkくんの喉が心配…で…… 一次戦でも喉焼かれて声ガスガスになってて今回も耐えられる身体にって備えて戦ったけど、気絶前喉やられてたし最後集合した時の足場作った時大口開けてたけど特に声を出していた描写なし……。 ………………………、This might be a bit of a stretch, but I'm worried about tdrk's throat... so... In the first battle his throat was burned and he was speechless, so he fought this time prepared with a body that could withstand it, but his throat was damaged before he passed out, and although his mouth was wide open when he was building a foothold for when they all gathered at the end, there's no depiction of him making a sound...

tdrkくんマジで喉やられてたりしたんかな〜 倒れる前はわりと話してたけどそこからほんま言葉発してないもんな I wonder if tdrk's throat was seriously damaged. He was talking quite a bit before he collapsed, but he hasn't really said a word since then.

5. Shouto deserves praise and happiness too

誰か 🍰くんのことも褒めたげてよぉ…

Someone praise 🍰 too...

🍰-kun also showed his true, honest and hardworking side in the letter during the final battle, so I just want him to be happy and laugh.

轟くんの幸せを祈るしかねえよかっちゃんみたいにいつか落ち着いて轟くんも泣けるといいな All I can do is pray for Todoroki-kun's happiness I hope that one day Todoroki-kun will calm down and be able to cry like Kacchan

[thatoneluckybee]

Okay, so lemme ramble about the Wild Hunt for a sec, given the new episode, because I am certain there is/will be symbolism at play

Essentially, the Wild Hunt is this germanic (though there's many similar ones around the world) myth. It's this horde of spirits/ghosts that travels through the night on an eternal hunt. Crossing their path is generally seen as a big no-no and a good way to become part of the horde of hallowed dead stuck in the eternal hunt. The same goes for copying their sounds of howling wind (and sometimes barking dogs). However, either of these can be rewarded (usually with something that seems worthless and usually turns out to be gold)

Now, for that sweet symbolism. First of all, the Wild Hunt usually consisted of the hallowed dead. They didn't get to pass onto the afterlife, instead bring swept up by the hunt. In the story this more than likely is replaced by those floating eyeball thingies - the souls of those who got stuck in this world before the afterlife

What I'm more curious/concerned about though is who leads it. It's most certainly someone's Phantom, given the little card with abilities. But who could it be? Let's use some clues from both the episode and the myth

First, the episode. There's 3 main things to consider here. 1) this phantom was outside the gate (and thus also unlikely to be a dean or student). 2) your phantom has to do with how you die (this also ties in with the myths). 3) looking at it's abilities, it has something called 'overclock', and while this could be some sort of rage mode, I think it'd make more sense if it means that this Phantom form can stay up either for a long-ass time, or straight up indefinitely

Now, for the myths. The figure who leads the Hunt actually changes a lot depending on the specific telling, and it's been both men and woman. A largely common factor though is that they get stuck in the Hunt after exclaiming their love for hunting, and something along the lines of wishing they could do it forever (potentially specifically instead of an actual afterlife). Given the thing I said before, I think it's a fairly safe bet the person who's Phantom it is died hunting, or at the very least pursuing something

The person who leads the hunt also seems to be searching for Lenore specifically, which is interesting to me. The Wild Hunt generally hunts animals, not people. So I propose 2 possibilities:

1, mythological: The Wild Hunt, like I said, should generally not be interacted with according to most myths. A possibility is that Lenore or on of her predecessors did do that in some way, shape, or form. Maybe in the real world, but Phantoms can't really be there I think? Maybe someone else like her brother or parent were also in this between dimension and messed with it, though I don't believe that's how it generally works. But maybe that thing at the start of the story, where they got noticed by those monsters, was actually them getting noticed by the Hunt, which is why it's now after her (and likely Annabel too in that case)

2, relationship driven: Essentially, my other idea is that the Phantom that is the Hunt is going after Lenore specifically because of who she is. Maybe her father died or something? But in that case I think her brother is way more likely. Think about it, Theo was first looking for (pursuing?) Lenore. The tree got knocked down by lightning (one of the Phantom's abilities). And he was riding his horse when he was killed. Just saying, it could be possible

Also, interestingly enough, both Lenore and Annabel have a certain degree of connection to the Night Hunt? Lenore has already denounced the 'natural' way passing onto the afterlife is supposed to go in favour of having herself and all her friends coming back to life, somewhat reminiscend of the leaders of the hunt commonly rejecting the afterlife in favour of their hunt. And the woman that led the Hunt in some stories likely all stem from the same figure, the supposed Old Mother Frost (and what, if I may ask you, is Annabel's ability?)

No matter who it is though, I'm hoping they touch on that idea of someone who crosses the Wild Hunt (and shows cleverness/boldness) sometimes gets rewarded. And while is generally looks useless at first, it often turns out to be valuable. Who knows, this endeavor just might be the key to escaping...

...well, that or I'm looking way too deep into it and the writer just chose the Wild Hunt because it looks/sounds cool and vaguely fitting of spirits of the night coming to get you. I mean, most thing I just said are honestly closest to incoherent rambling with vague connections, but who knows...

This is nevermore, you’re NEVER looking too deep into it

IM MAIN TAGGING THIS THIS IS AMAZING

I think it could be Theo? We know SOMETHING happened to him as he was at the top of his class. Was he reincarnated? I doubt it. Theo is also connected with deer and hunting. Would also explain why the Wild Hunt (which Lenore thinks is her curse) seems to be targeting her and her family.

[aneeqa123]

Sukuna - Why I Love You

Pov: sukuna tells you why he loves you.

author's note sukuna is an actual normal person 

 Let the weather do whatever; the day is perfect when I'm with you.

It was another late night with Sukuna in bed with you, both lay sleepless on the bed, backs facing each other. The silence was thick, punctuated only by the occasional creak of the old wooden floorboards and the rhythmic thump of your heart against your ribs.

He turns around, lightly tapping your shoulder. You tried to fake being asleep, your breath shallow and even, your body rigid with tension.

"I know you are awake, stop ignoring me." His deep voice, a low rumble that resonated through the room, sent shivers down your spine. You couldn't help but feel a thrill of fear mixed with a strange sense of anticipation.

He was close now, his warmth radiating against your back. You could feel the heat of his gaze burning into your skin, making you want to burrow deeper into the sheets.

"What's wrong?" he asked, his voice softer now, almost a purr. "You haven't said a word all night."

You remained silent, hoping he would get the hint. But Sukuna wasn't one to be easily deterred. He shifted closer, his hand gently reaching out to brush a strand of hair from your face.

"Don't play games with me," he whispered, his breath warm against your ear. "I can see right through you."

You couldn't help but let out a small gasp, your body trembling under his touch.

"What is it you want to say?" he asked, his voice a dangerous whisper. "Tell me, before I make you."

 He hugged you from behind, his arms a warm, possessive cage around your waist. He started to kiss your neck, his lips trailing a path of fire across your skin.

You continued to be 'asleep,' your body stiff and unyielding, but his kisses only intensified. He nuzzled his face into your hair, his breath hot against your ear.

"Baka, stop ignoring me, I can see that your eyes are fluttering." He whispered, his voice a low rumble that sent goosebumps erupting across your skin.

Finally, you couldn't hold back any longer. You turned to face him, your heart pounding against your ribs.

"Took you long enough," he said, his lips curving into a smirk. He was still hovering above you, his presence a tangible force.

"What do you possibly want?" you asked, your voice a little shaky. You couldn't keep eye contact with him, and he knew it.

"What's the matter, princess?" he smirked, his eyes glittering with amusement. He knew the effect he had on you, and he reveled in it.

"You know damn well what the matter is." You sighed, trying to look away, but he held your gaze with his own.

"Well, I was thinking we could play never have I ever." He asked, his finger gently lifting your chin, forcing you to meet his gaze.

"Okay then captain, you can go first, ask away." You said, trying your best to hold his gaze, but your heart was hammering in your chest.

"Never have I ever sent a dirty text to the wrong person?" He asked, a playful glint in his eyes.

"I have actually, it was freaking my brother," you replied, a nervous laugh escaping your lips.

"No way, what was his reaction?" He asked, his curiosity piqued.

"He ignored it, jerk, and we just pretended like it never even happened," you replied, shaking your head.

"Well, it's your turn, make it spicy like mine." He suggested, but you didn't want to. You were still reeling from the intensity of his gaze.

"Never have I ever said I love you to the wrong person?" You were curious about this one.

"I have, before I left a coffee shop, instead of saying thank you, I said I love you, and the girl got creeped out." He chuckled, his voice laced with amusement.

"Well, I have a question for you, I've been meaning to ask you for a long time now." You stated, your voice trembling slightly.

"Ask away, princess." He answered, his eyes fixed on yours.

"Why do you love me?" You asked, your voice barely a whisper. You looked intently into his eyes, searching for an answer.

"Well, ask yourself that question, why do you think I love you?" He said, his voice low and husky. You started thinking, what could it be?

"I'll give you a clue, it's not a physical feature." He hinted, a playful smile gracing his lips.

What could it be, what could it be? You wracked your brain, trying to decipher his cryptic message.

"It's your personality, dummy." He said after a few seconds, his smile widening.

"It's how you like to help people, you're sweet to even your enemies, and how you shower me with attention and affection whenever I want." He said, smiling at you, his eyes filled with warmth.

You started to tear up, you didn't know he felt this way about you. You had always been drawn to his strength and power, but you never thought he would see the kindness and compassion within you.

"Hey, hey, don't cry." He said in his deep, sleepy voice, reaching out to gently cup your face.

He closed the gap between you, his lips meeting yours in a soft, tender kiss.

"I love you." He said, his voice a warm caress against your skin.

You were crying freely now, tears streaming down your face. You had never felt so loved, so understood.

"I love you too," you replied breathlessly, your heart overflowing with emotion.

What a time to be alive....

xx aneeqa

[ri-writes-if]

I just finished reading the new chapter and damn! It was such a rollercoaster of emotions!

And I can't even begin to describe just how much I hate Selene! Not saying it in a bad way though, just to be clear! She's just the kind of character I can't stand, even if she's delightfully written. Az suggested to my MC to be cordial with her for the time being, and the plan is sound, but damn, it'll be hard. She's that kind of character I find interesting because I think her circumstances are awful and tragic, but at the same time I can't bring myself to feel bad for her because it doesn't justify the way she currently acts (as explaining someone's behavior is not the same as justifying it). With that being said, I thank you so SO much for allowing us to tell the siblings (well, the siblings in my case since I'm on Az's route) about Selene already. I was genuinely scared it would be one of these situations where the MC just clams up and doesn't tell anyone about what's happening for who knows how many chapters, which is a trope I really tend to dislike. It was such a pleasant surprise to avoid it altogether!

Now, onto more "positive feelings", I'm so in love with Az. They are such a wonderful character on all accounts. The clothing and ring shopping was just so perfect, and damn that hug! Though I'm really insanely curious about what is the underlying issue they have in relation with the MC. I sort of "felt" it already before in the way they acted, but now thanks to the PoV change I had their actual thoughts on it, but I'm no closer to knowing what's going on, though at least I had confirmation of what I felt about it (so I guess it's still something!). It still fascinates me how Az isn't even "my type" of RO normally, and in any other story I would have probably picked one of the two royals, but I don't know, something about them immediately captured me entirely. I'm also pretty curious about what's the relationship between the siblings, because the more I think about them, the more I realize I don't know much about their dynamics. With the two royals, we at least know more of their dynamics thanks to some asks on the blog and what not, but the two siblings... I don't recall you saying much. And well, in that infirmary scene, it was a bit hard to read it considering they were both preoccupied with the MC and their injury and the Selene stuff and so on.

That aside, after re-reading from scratch (I changed computers and don't have my saves anymore), I had a theory that sprung in my mind. I think there is indeed an oracle blocking MC's visions of their own future that is NOT Selene. And that oracle would be MC's mother. She may be a powerful enough oracle to see pretty far in the future, and it's possible she saw something in her child's future that had her deciding to not only abandon them, but prevent them from seeing their future. Or rather, the future she saw. Meaning as long as MC was on a path or time frame where what she saw wouldn't appear to them, then they could see their future normally. But once they found themself on said path - probably related to the apocalyptic vision at the start of the game - it triggered the "block" as now we enter the territory of what MC's mother saw and thus knows well enough to block. Of course, I may be wildly overthinking it or just be plain wrong haha!

Oh and finally, a small bit of (I assume?) stray code:

I don't think the "cordial" is meant to be there?

Okay, that's it. Yeah, it's a VERY long ask that... isn't even an "ask" since I'm not asking anything! But I had so many feelings about this chapter! It was probably the best so far!

! Spoilers for Chapter 5

I hoped some would like Selene and some would not, so I’m pleased to see people have different feelings about her! I personally really love her because she’s a tragic character and tragic characters are my thing 😂 though I agree that her past doesn’t justify her current actions.

Yeahh. I was thinking of allowing to hide the incident with Selene, but the Oracle has their priorities straight, so it wouldn’t make sense for their character to sacrifice their own standing for Selene. They went to Vez to get their freedom back, and they’re not giving it away so easily. So I had to throw out that branch.

I’m happy you enjoyed Az’s route, especially considering they’re not your type! You’ll learn what their deal is with the Oracle in the future 😉 The next couple of chapters should have more Az + Ash combo, so I’ll have time to show their dynamic. But they’re pretty uh normal siblings? Az is a troublemaker, and Ash’s perpetually but fondly tired of their antics.

Your theory was very interesting to read. Thank you for sharing it! It’s wild and cool that people actually have theories about my story 🥺 Obviously I can’t confirm or deny it, but you’ll get the answer eventually.

Thanks for pointing that out, I’ll remove that code leftover.

I appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts about the chapter. Reading these messages brings me joy every time! 💛

[circeyoru]

{Unwanted Soul} What Next?

Go to MASTERLIST for {Unwanted Souls}, if you have no idea about it. This post is mainly for those who read this series.

Okay guys. There's like 5 parts that's up now and a lot, and I mean A LOT of trivia for {Unwanted Soul}. There's increasing request and ask on Reader/you meeting other characters outside of the hotel.

At first I answered it with "you're not gonna leave the hotel so you won't meet them" type of answer, but with the relationship established (you and Alastor) and you guys not wanting it to end. I want you guys to pick a general plotline that will change my writing plans for this.

(1) You stay in the hotel and do background work. There's not much to this, but it's something like mastermind work. Idk... It'll be very heavy on flashbacks to your living life and some more bonding with Alastor, then the rest of the hotel crew. More random moments and heavily reliant on your suggestions

(2) You slowly make your appearance in the open. There's a high chance of you interacting with other characters outside of the hotel. For this path, I got like 2 OCs that you will 100% meet because they have been mentioned in the recent parts and trivia asks. Someone you'll definitely interact with is Vox.

Basically, the difference between these 2 (for me) is how the 2 OCs would appear but I don't want to spoil things. I tried mixing the two, but it's very very different after thinking it through

Also, if you're okay with it. I'd love to know what you like about {Unwanted Soul} that made you guys interested. Please comment (if you're okay with revealing your account) or send me in the inbox (if you're shy and wanna be anonymous).

I'm really curious and wanna know~ Thanks!

Another thing, I've love to ask for artists' help on designing the 2 OCs (one female-friend and male-former lover). Privately DM if you're interested in both or either one, though I'd like to see any reference if you have! (It's okay if there's no one, but I'll just design one like Reader's)

[pressplay-if]

Hiiii!! :)))))

Congrats on the Demo release!! I love SHC so I was already super on board but WOW! You blew it out of the water even with me knowing it was gonna be great! ^^

I love the vibe and how it alternates between transcript and traditional scenes that was super fun :D Plus the amount of customization both in what the band/music is like and what the MC is like already has me planning how many different things I can try so thank you for that it's super impressive!

But I think the thing that surprised me most was the Stevie choice! I was already planning on Romancing Stevie with the most shy, awkward MC I could make, but I was blindsided (in a good way) that the first choice you could make wasn't whether the MC had/has a crush on Stevie but the other way around! I was like 😲😳 (in the best way haha)

So, if it's not a spoiler, are those two completely different paths, or just different flavor text? I mean I'll do both either way, Stevie is already 🥺 but I'm just curious haha.

Thanks so much for all your hard work and everything you do!!! Hope you stay hydrated and have an awesome day/week/month! :))))

HI! Thanks so much for the long ask, I LOVE LONG ASKS!!!

Okay I think I understand your question and I'll do my best to answer but correct me if I'm off track.

You can romance Stevie whether or not she has a crush on you already, and the routes WILL differ greatly. Right now, most of the interactions with the other bandmembers are platonic with romantic connections only being conveyed through flavor text, but as the story progresses, stuff is gonna get heavier. An MC who chooses an unrequited crush on Stevie will have to "convince" her (ok that sounds weird but you know how I mean) to see MC as more than a friend. An MC who chose for Stevie to have a crush on them in Chapter 1 will observe her treating them differently/flustering around them.

Her reactions to picking romantic options vary according to whether she's crushing on MC. A romantic relationship can be achieved either way, but if Stevie doesn't have the prior crush, her route will be more angsty.

[ghostofasecretary]

okay okay okay FINE

it would be great to continue burying my feelings in busywork but we *are on a time limit*

i don't. want to do this.

i don't want to apply again! i don't want to deal with rejection or bad offers again! and it'll be so exhausting!!

and. i mean. i'm so scared of things going well also. because then i have to--to take my newfound not-resilience, my lowered tolerance for personal suffering, and my desire to enjoy my life, and marry that into schoolwork. i feel like i am less curious and more content these days and i don't *like* it and most of it is due to pain making me smaller, not an ambition or desire to have day after day fade into monotony punctuated by my three hobbies and, sometimes, my friends. ...that's a little ungenerous to me, i have maybe five hobbies. and also lots of chores.

but i'm.

i'm *doing bad.*

okay, that horrible annoying prompt, you know the one. imagine a future where you are happy.

i'm married to someone i really like and i come home to them and we're easy with each other and they like my food and do the dishes for me and we have nice sex. i read a lot. i translate poetry. i have enough nice walks and museum time and music and interesting conversations that turning my stress into poetry is easy and i also figure out how to write poems when i'm happy. my friends are close by. i have delicious meals and a moderate amount of luxurious foods, things that are a Line Item on the budget and not just, y'know, beans and tomatoes and onions and [any leafy green]. i like getting dressed and i thrift/change out clothes more often than i do now. i do my [side gig] once or twice a month and the marketing is low effort and the work is fulfilling. i teach. i read. i write. i figure out what help other people can give me and i ask for it and i keep in practice so i don't pause when it's crunch time. i have enough money that i don't worry about being unemployed for two or three months and i have enough income not to worry about rent and i save for retirement. i travel to see friends an extravagant two or three times a year (but just once or twice would be okay, too). i go a few years without something deeply wounding me so i have more of a cushion when the next crisis hits. i'm not afraid of being happy or of wanting things. i present information to people semi-regularly and practice and learn to work different kinds of crowds. maybe i try music, or comedy, or gardening, or rowing. i dunno. i'm practiced at practicing my languages and i have fun with it and i *let* myself have fun with it. i don't flinch from texts and emails. i go to bed and i wake up early feeling rested and i have really satisfying breakfasts, preferably with company.

it's embarassing to want to be married. like i know it's normal, actually, but--ugh. really? me? unfortunately: yes, really me.

the thing is, if i were married and had more money and did more [side gig] and didn't flinch from emails and had fun with *the thing i deeply love actually when i'm not running from it, why do i DO THAT* this would be pretty close to my current life.

so. like. if i were happier and more stable i would be happier and more stable. cool. what was i wanting to get from this, again?

reasons to apply to grad school.

1. you'd be good at it. it's really fun and satisfying to do things you're good at.

2. there are worse ways to start a career where you write and teach and translate poetry than getting a PhD.

3. dating feels completely unmanageable right now because where is my life even GOING, where might i even LIVE, it's unbearably hard to imagine looking for someone to build a life with when i have, like, [actual career path that takes years to build and a lot of grit and LUCK] hovering over me on one end and [idk being a human somehow?????] on the other and i don't know which one i'll pick. or have put in front of me to walk down. or whatever. i'd like to be committed to trying to be an academic or committed to simply Not doing that, before...before.

4. [sunk cost factory so many hours can't stop now]

okay. and reasons not to apply?

1. it's expensive and i don't qualify for any fee waivers and i REALLY TRULY do not have money to burn right now. it's not *dire* but i am, like, next month heading towards a worse financial state than i've been in since i was 15. 18 at latest. and that's *scary.*

2. grief! fuck it! sorry i have emotions but it was kind of crushing in 21-22 to have everyone be like "oh yeah you'd be great at this you'll have your pick you have a very bright future" and then not get in, and last year to have "wow yes we love you please come to our schools" and not get enough funding to *go,* and so much of 2023 was just. waiting. screw that, so much of THIS YEAR was waiting. my whole summer job i told people i was going off to do my MA because at the time of my interview i really really really thought i would still get funding and, hahahaha, nope. and i didn't want to tell people because they'd be weird about it. so instead i was weird about it and felt bad and feel bad. someone smarter than me can probably tell me how i could've sliced that one better but i'm just crying on my housemate's downstairs couch because it feels pretty bad to have hope crushed like that.

also typing this out i DO feel like an entitled prick. sorry. i'm just privileged and lucky and beautiful and smart and ~special~ and a depressed little guy who's had PTSD on two separate occasions, minimum, and is more functional but still pretty fucked up. like all the time.

3. i burnt myself on purpose for spite and justice and no real gain whatsoever, at my first job out of college, and it was an experience and i learned things and one of the things i learned is that it SUCKS and i DON'T WANT TO DO IT AGAIN. and doing a PhD is, like. notoriously "this is a bad experience that makes you crazy." documentably a bad experience that makes people crazy. actually.

and what if i drop out?

then you drop out and find a way to move forward. both your parents did. your uncle did. plenty of people you know dropped out of college or MAs or PhDs. life doesn't end. maybe some people's hopes are disappointed but that's a them problem. your own hopes are disappointed but not trying at all because you're scared you'll fail is. Not a great look?? not something i want to do, particularly.

what if i have a psychotic break (again)?

then you drop out. or take a leave of absence. and either it'll go away or it won't and you'll deal.

yeah but i really don't want to be more disabled.

then drop out before your mental health gets that far down the drain. you were suicidally depressed and mega traumatized for *years* before those two scary weeks in high school, and after the first few hours you basically knew what was happening even if you didn't believe it, and regular degular antidepressants fixed it. you haven't *been* regularly suicidally depressed in years. a bit during The Dog Incident and a bit when you raised your med dosage too high in 2023 and a bit this summer and a bit lately, but not very much. there's a difference between "panic what feels like every day and wanting to die, like, once an hour" and "eating three meals a day, procrastinating, and going 'ugh i wish i were dead' when something especially stressful comes up." not saying it's not on the same spectrum but it is a light to dark scale and you know where the divisions are. and neither of those are "having Stress Pain and chanting "kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me i want to die i want to die i want to die" constantly and especially loudly when you have to walk up the stairs or eat food." which, again: has not really happened ever since you got on antidepressants.

4. ...it feels really bad and embarassing right now because i'm *behind* and i don't have a lot of academic curiosity right now and i haven't written in forever and i don't like putting words on a page and i have to look these people in the FACE and tell them i'm qualified when i Cold Lasagna Hate Myself 1989! i'm not! up for this! i'm gonna have to drag myself over hot coals and stay up late! and how do i expect to do grad school if this one little thing is making me throw such a giant fit!!!!

hi. oh my god.

babe.

give yourself a hug. literally visit a friend and get a hug if you must. rudely invite yourself to someone's house for emotional support. whatever. i don't care. holy shit.

it is, according to the calculus by which i have always made decisions, okay to feel like HOT GARBAGE while you do things as long as you get them done. you can yell! you can say you're awful, just the worst piece of shit, how dare you exist all you want! "feeling bad in the short term is okay if you feel good in the long term" is not a great life philosophy when applied over *months and months and years and years,* i grant you. but i do not think "twelve hours, tomorrow" is the same thing.

and you can have your friends take you out for ice cream once you get it done.

and this week you'll go teach first and second graders for the first time ever, and prepare some poetry and translations, and fuck up your homework, and probably fail to feel good about your life, but it will be YOUR LIFE. WHICH YOU'VE DECIDED TO LIVE. EVEN IN YOUR DREADFUL BACHELOR STATE OH MY GOD WHAT IS W I T H MY DREAMS

so. go text your IRL friends.

done.

congrats. you have Asked For Help. if your IRL friends cannot provide ask T and then D and then C and then G/E. or a group chat. you never know.

maybe also. call your mom and make a plan. she's probably free.

okay. cool. have Had Some Feelings. seems better. than what i have been doing. go me

go take outfit photos and make apple cider and go to bed

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Carpe Noctem 26

Warnings: dark elements, noncon, age gap, gaslighting, manipulation, violence, blood, other dark elements. Proceed with caution. (short!reader)

Note: Please let me know what you think as it helps me a lot with ideas and I love interacting with you all.

Part of The Club AU

The car seat does little to assuage the spike driving deeper and deeper under your shoulder. You grip the wheel tight, in silence, as you follow your usual route back to Lloyd's place. Not home. No, you're only there as long as he lets you be. Last night was a message received.

You pull up the long drive and come to a stop beside his car. You lean forward, groaning as another zap runs up your neck. You whimper and stay as you are, mustering the strength to go inside.

A tap disturbs your agonized trance and you push yourself up, straightening your arms as you keep a hold on the wheel. Lloyd's hand falls away from the window and he pulls on the handle. You reach to flip the lock up and let him open the door.

"You hidin' from me, buttercup?" He leans on the door, one foot hooked over the other.

"Nope, had some running around to do."

You slide your keys out of the ignition and grab your purse. You suck down the pain as you get out of the car and rip the door out from under his arm. He stands straight as you hit the lock button.

"Running around? Doing what, exactly?"

You look at him. His shadow looms in the evening, menacing and mean.

"Nothing you need to worry about. I'm home now, what do you need?"

He snorts, "what's the big deal? I'm curious. Daycare don't stay open that late--"

"Like I said, running around. Bank and stuff. Besides, what do you care?"

"I don't, not really, but I'm horny and I don't like waiting."

You suck in your cheeks. That much is clear about the man. He doesn't think above the waist. And you don't seem to have an ounce of good judgment, so whatever.

"Let me just get inside and I'll take care of you."

"Take care of me? How?" He asks giddily as he turns on his heel to stride in pace with you up the walk.

"However you like."

"You okay, Mimi, you sound... tense."

"Fine," you reach to rub your neck, "I'll just get washed up first."

"No need, I like it sweaty," he steps ahead of you and opens the door.

You go inside and keep your back to him as you roll your eyes. He can be absolutely disgusting. You knew that from the start, but you're still not sure why you chose to put up with it. It's almost worth it to go back to Johnny. Almost.

"I got an idea, you get naked, put an apron on, and I'll put you up on the counter again."

"Lloyd," you sigh as you put your purse down and peel off your jacket, "I'm really tired, can we just... be lazy?"

"Hmm, I guess, how about you get on your stomach, I like the view from back there."

"Sure," you kick off your boots. "I just need to get off my feet."

"Mmm, don't sound so excited."

You say nothing. You make a path to the couch, stripping as you do. Jeans then your shirt. FUCK! Another electric ripple that has you keeling over, barely catching yourself against the couch.

You untangle yourself from the shirt and push yourself up. Lloyd touches your back and you flinch, further jolting your neck. You nearly shriek, instead gnashing your teeth as you face him.

"What's up, doll face?"

"Nothing," you his out and strain to reach the back of your bra.

You unhook the clasps and turn away again. You shimmy out of your panties and move forward, getting onto your stomach. It feels nice, despite the circumstance. You angle your face towards the back of the couch.

You wait. Nothing happens. You push yourself up on your elbows and turn your head as far as you can to peek at Lloyd. You give him a 'well?' look.

"You know what," he shifts on his feet as he meets your eye. Usually he'd be too distracted by your ass, "I'm tired."

"Huh?" You drop your head back down, "right."

You steel yourself and sit up. You lean back and groan. God damn it! Everything hurts.

"Disappointed?" He asks.

"No," you say, more crisply than you intend.

You get up, fighting not to fall back, and gather your clothes up. You're embarrassed that you just flopped down like that for him and he backs out. Maybe he doesn't want you anymore. Good.

Or maybe not so good. You don't really have anywhere else to go. He knows that and just like everything else, he probably doesn't care.

“Did I do something?” You ask as you hug your clothes in front of you.

He won't look at you as he bounces on his feet. He shakes his head and clicks his tongue.

“Nope, just not feeling it,” he shrugs.

“Oh, have you eaten? I might make something–”

“Save it,” he waves you off and struts past you, “I got a call to make.”

He leaves you, confused and reeling. You drag your feet out to the entryway and grab your phone from your purse. You take it with you upstairs, hobbling a step at a time. You stumble into the guest room and drop your clothes.

You'll stay hungry. You're too tired and sore. You lay down and resign yourself to a grumbling stomach.

Your appeal should be done soon with the daycare. Worse comes to worst, you'll stay at the cafe and start applying to other places. You're not bound to Lloyd, he's made that crystal clear, so you better get ready to cut the cord.

[wings-of-ink]

Okay, I already sent that super long ask, but now I'm curious about something else.

Without going into details if you don't want to spoil it, will the type of injury and the destination chosen in chapter 4 determine if the MC has long lasting effects or not, or alternatively the kind of lasting effects they may get from this?

For example, my MC got his shoulder dislocated and went to the shrine first.

Also, does MC being a healer have any influence here? I know I got healer exclusive dialogue / flavor text, but I don't know if the MC being a healer has any influence.

Oh and I need to add - I loved the MC and Duri bonding over the whole healer thing! It was so interesting! I was really conflcted about my MC's job on my first playthrough, when the time to chose came, but I really don't regret picking what I did!

You're good, my dear, I don't mind. ^_^

For whichever injury your MC received, the long term effects may differ, but the severity won't change whether you choose to go to the shrine or the city. Basically, either choice gives you MC a boost to healing that shoulder. Getting to the city faster means reaching Rune quicker, and they can heal you up. The things at the shrine just give you a boost and tide you over until you head towards the city.

There's going to be other consequences though. There's something unique brewing for each path you can take, but it may not be what you think.

The healer MCs get the special dialogue and are more knowledgeable about what is going on, but ultimately it isn't going to change the outcome to the wound.

I am glad you are enjoying some of the flavor text for your profession! Each job will mean your MC knows some things more than others or can do other things better. That will get more evident as we go along too. Duri has a soft spot for healers or people that help others in general. They know they can be a bit spoiled at times, but they have two very special people from their lives who were quite selfless and it has left a big impact on them. ^_^

[fuckyeahisawthat]

So I'm still super obsessed with your take that Paul's visions are an "inversion" of reality and there's one that my brain is vibrating about in particular. In part 1 there's that one shot of him and Chani (and a couple others I think but it's not clear who they are) on a ship about to land (on Caladan?), with Paul in front and Chani standing behind him.

Now maybe I'm reading too much into this or taking it too literally, but for the most part the visions that are the most obviously "inverted" were the ones concerning the two of them, so I'm wondering what your take on that particular vision might be? Could it be she's actually in front with him behind her? Which seems like an unimportant detail but there could be some deeper layer there perhaps?? idk my brain is buzzing about it and I wanna know if you have Thoughts

Heyyyy. To be fair I'm not the first person to notice the thing about Paul and Chani's positions switching in his visions; I think I first saw that on Twitter. But ooh yes let's talk about that vision.

I'm assuming you mean this series of shots, from the visions Paul has in the tent after the attack on Arrakeen:

I don't think them switching places is going to be a one-to-one thing that happens every time Paul sees them together in a vision. But there is a lot of interesting stuff to talk about here. Chani wearing black--the color of power and empire--dressed to match Paul, standing at his right hand with no Irulan in sight. Chani gazing haughtily down at Paul's followers in a way it is hard to imagine the real Chani doing. Chani seeming entirely okay with this situation.

This makes me think that this is either a possible future where she has come to accept what Paul is doing, or a future where she is pretending to accept what he is doing for reasons of her own. But, as with all Paul's visions, we don't know if this is the future. (For one, the flags are different than the ones we see at the end of Part Two; they're the traditional Atreides green, white and black instead of the red and tan Desert Power Edition.) We don't know what else Paul sees once he drinks the Water of Life, but this could certainly be a possibility for "She'll come to understand, I've seen it."

While I was watching back through this series of visions I noticed another interesting thing. In Part One, there are multiple shots where we are following Chani walking through the desert, wearing a long white dress with her hair blowing in the wind. But in Part Two, Jessica is the figure in white that Paul is following. (I also think there is at least one shot where the person in white is so backlit/out of focus that we can't tell who it is.) We also have these parallel scenes of Paul in a tent in distress over a vision: Paul seeing the vision of following Chani while Jessica is there trying to comfort him, and later in Part Two, Paul describing the nightmare/vision of following Jessica to Chani as she tries to comfort him.

The metaphor here I think is a bit more obvious--Chani and Jessica represent two opposite paths Paul could take, either embracing the prophecy or rejecting it. But it's interesting to see them connected or superimposed on each other through the visions this way. In the vision in Part One, Jessica even speaks through (or over) Chani; we see Chani say "Paul" in the same urgent way Jessica is saying it in real life.

What does all this mean? Once again, we don't know! Chani is a phantasm at this point in Part One; Paul has not actually met her in real life so it's not clear if the Chani in his visions represents an actual possible future for the real Chani, or if she operates as more of a symbol or a projection of things in his own head. I think the intent is to keep us guessing by having the visions function in different ways--some are the future, some are a version of the future but twisted, and some are metaphors or warnings, and we often don't know in advance which is which. But I'll be super curious to see if some version of this scene comes back in Dune Messiah.