#okay i lied i have a fourth thought and it's that i want the whole show to be about people as old as moiraine and lan.

[imagining-in-the-margins]

Inexperienced (S.R.)

Summary: Virgin!Reader has a secret no one expected, least of all Spencer.

Request: The reader is an overtly confident, social butterfly but has a secret… she’s still a virgin in every way, and it really bothers her. She’s also afraid to make the moves on her crush, Spencer, because of her inexperience. A/N: This is about Reader getting her first kiss. Check out the sequel linked at the end! Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader Category: Fluff (for Part 1) Content Warning: Embarrassment, truth or dare (game), playful teasing, confessions, first kiss, kissing Word Count: 3.5k

MASTERLIST

I’d always tried to tell the truth. Ever since I was a young girl, I found even the whitest of lies to be a little too guilt inducing to be worth it.

In fact, there had been times I’d even questioned whether my truth was, unbeknownst to me, a lie. Because of that, it had certainly been an odd experience to perform my lie detector test when I first applied for the FBI.

Over the recent years, however, I’d perfected my ability to lie — about most things, anyway.

There had been one exception. A very handsome exception who was sat beside me fiddling with the buttons on his cardigan.

Spencer Reid, my team partner of choice and the love of my life.

He just didn’t know about that second part yet.

But of course, my friends had been very aware of my feelings for the BAU’s boy genius, as well as the fact I was absolutely petrified of him finding out. So, as I sat in the comfort of Emily’s apartment, surrounded by my friends and playing a lighthearted game, I thought I would be safe.

“Truth,” I said with confidence. 

I had been very, very wrong.

“Again?! Really?!” Penelope groaned.

Emily was quick to follow, with her fingers and eyebrows raised, “That is the fourth truths in a row. Seventh—if you include Spencer’s.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s a record,” JJ confirmed.

The conversation was bouncing so quickly, with each of them having perfected predicting each other’s next sentence. It was a well-oiled team, after all.

But Spencer broke pattern, butting in between quick quips to ask, “Why are we including mine?”

“I mean, by all means,” I shouted with a smile, “feel free to skip me!”

Penelope saw the easy out she’d given be and obstinately refused.

“No way. Nu-uh. If you’re going to be a party pooper, I’m going to make you pay!”

The rest of the team — including Luke this time but excluding Spencer — let out a harmony of “oooohs” in response to the threat.

“I’m ready,” I dared.

I should’ve known better than to dare.

“Do you think I’m bluffing?” she balked.

I really should’ve known better.

“You tell me, Pen-el-o-pe.”

“Okay, Miss Profiler, fine! Then my truth question to you is…”

I had been so cocky, so sure that Penelope wouldn’t dare take advantage of an innocent crush. But once she’d started, with an ever-escalating pitch until her breath ran out, I knew that I was sorely mistaken.

Penelope had a twinkle in her eye and a sickly-sweet smile on her face as she asked calmly, “Why won’t you tell boy wonder over here how you feel?”

The whole team devolved into chaos within a second. The peanut gallery was loud, but the heartbeat in my ears was even louder.

“Pfft, what?” I scoffed.

I hadn’t meant to look at him. Really, it was the last thing I’d wanted to do. But my brain couldn’t resist following her finger until she pointed directly at the boy to my right.

Spencer looked at me, also. We both stared at each other for a second with confusion and — more notably — embarrassment plastered all over our faces.

I wondered which part of it embarrassed him. I’d hoped it had been the attention, but the quiet voice in my head assured me that it was me that he found embarrassing.

“What? Spencer?” I asked.

As soon as I said his name, I watched one side of his lip twitch into a smile. It made my stomach fully flip, and I looked away as quickly as I could. Of course, that just put my attention back on the group currently laughing at how we were the perfect pair of obvious and oblivious.

“Uh-yeah,” Penelope snickered.

“What are you talking about? We’re friends. He knows that,” I stated so matter-of-factly that it almost sounded fake.

We were friends. I just wanted a little more than… friends.

I turned to the man in question again, but this time, his smile was different. It was lopsided and half-hearted, and it made me feel even worse for putting the spotlight on him.

“Right?” I asked him.

For a second, Spencer looked like he wanted to say something. But then he just cleared his throat.

“Yeah, of course,” he said. “We’re friends.”

Just friends.

JJ, the typical mother of the group, had tried her best not to laugh. However, after four glasses of wine and no intentions of driving home that night, JJ’s lips had gotten loose.

“Is that what they’re calling it nowadays?” she slurred in a feigned whisper to the woman beside her.

Emily was less inebriated than the others, it seemed. At least, that seemed to be the simplest answer for why she sighed and waved her hand in an attempt to quiet the group.

“You guys, we better stop or they’re never going to admit it.”

Her attempt failed, however, courtesy of Penelope’s number one fan.

“Yeah, right,” Luke laughed, “I give it a week. Maybe a month.”

Everything was going so fast that it felt like my brain was running in slow motion. I’d been there before. In that loud, suffocating moment where I wanted to say anything to stop the ridicule.

‘These are my friends,’ I reminded myself, ‘they’re just poking fun.’

They were good people. They just didn’t realize that in their banter, they’d stumbled into my greatest insecurity. It wasn’t entirely their fault. I’d never told them.

I’d never told them that the reason I didn’t want to confront my feelings was because it was the first time that I’d really felt like this. For most of my life, I’d convinced myself that the right time was never coming for me.

But then I met Spencer. I met him and it seemed like waiting hadn’t been a mistake, but cosmic design.

I thought Spencer had been like me. I thought it wouldn’t be humiliating to tell him that I’d never actually been kissed, much less…

I thought he was like me. It had only taken one poorly timed joke about his ex-girlfriends before I realized that I had been wrong. It only took one polaroid, one story about the time he sucked face with a serial killer for me to realize that Spencer Reid — bona fide nerd, multiple graduate, scrawny, clueless Spencer Reid — was so far out of my fucking league.

The thought of him learning all of this now, in front of all of our friends, was a little too much to handle. Like the monster in the Tell-Tale Heart, my paranoia grew until I was about ready to confess. The truth was going to come out. I couldn’t lie to him.

My breathing picked up and I felt the wine rising in my throat. No matter how hard I swallowed it, my eyes still started to feel with tears.

‘Not now,’ I begged, ‘Not like this.’

“Dare!” Spencer yelled.

Again, the group descended into chaos. This time, it was quieter. This time, the whispers and snickers were aimed towards the man who’d just done what was least expected of him.

“I-I pick dare,” Spencer repeated, “I’ll go.”

Any relief I’d felt was so, so short lived, though. Because not even a second after he’d finished his sentence, Luke spoke.

“Oh, now you’re brave? Alright, then, white knight, I dare you to kiss her.”

Spencer looked at me, and my eyes shut tightly enough to free a few of the droplets that had gathered on the edge.

I wanted to shout, to say anything at all. But ultimately, it wouldn’t take the pain away. No matter how quickly they began to pick up on the shifted tone, the damage was already done.

Before anyone could say a word to make it any worse – or worse, try to apologize – I’d stood from my seat and bolted out of the room. Just as I turned the corner into the guest bedroom, however, I’d heard a familiar voice calling my name as he followed.

Spencer hadn’t been able to stop me, though.

I shut the door and tried to catch my breath. I tried to shake off the anxiety and shame that had led me to the empty room in the first place.

I wouldn’t be alone for nearly long enough.

Spencer, knowing he was the very last person I’d wanted to see in that moment, only gave me a few seconds of silence before his voice could be heard on the other side of the door.

“Hey, are you alright?”

I stepped away from it like I would be able to hide. When I didn’t answer, though, he became bolder. The doorknob turned slowly, and before I could say no, the light from the hallway was peeking through into the room.

“I’m so sorry—" he started.

“Go away!” I shouted back while frantically wiping tears off my face.

I refused to turn around. I was too scared. Too scared of the pity on his face and my propensity for telling the truth. I was so scared that if I opened my mouth to say anything but a beg for him to leave, I would say something so much harder to forgive.

But his stubbornness was part of the reason why I’d loved him in the first place. I couldn’t fault him for only shutting the door after he’d stepped inside. I couldn’t hate him for reaching out and holding my wrist like it would shatter on impact.

If I could hate him for caring about me, this would be so much easier.

“I’m really sorry,” he whispered. He had nothing to apologize for. Still, I felt how much he’d meant it. I could feel the hesitation and trembling in his thumb as he strokes the underside of my wrist.

He never stopped long enough to count my pulse — not even for the card counting savant. There was nothing nefarious. Nothing stopping me from lying to him if I wanted to.

With my back still to him, he stepped closer. I could hear his regret in shaky breath when he said, “I should’ve told them to stop.”

“No, I’m sorry,” I answered immediately. My treacherous body turned to face him and more. My wrist twisted until it was so easy for him to lace our fingers together.

The words flowed from me so easily as long as I didn’t look him in the eyes.

“I shouldn’t have yelled at you. I’m not mad at you or anything, I just… I don’t know.”

From my peripherals, I saw how Spencer tilted his head and shoulders down to meet my shrunken figure. Without saying anything, he managed to make me look up at him.

With tears in my eyes and my bottom lip firmly between my teeth, Spencer looked at me and managed to make me feel beautiful.

“If you’re worried about hurting my feelings, I just want you to know that it’s totally okay if you don’t… want to kiss me,” he said.

It almost sounded like a lie.

“I completely understand and I would never want you to do anything that makes you even remotely uncomfortable and—“

“Spencer, that’s not the problem.”

Of all the possible rejections he’d expected, that apparently hadn’t been one of them. The boy genius was caught so off guard that he didn’t even know how to reply. His body relaxed, but his jaw remained tense as he tried to run through what possibilities he had failed to account for.

Coming up short, he was forced to ask the question I’d been dreading.

“So… what is?”

“This is humiliating,” I mumbled mostly to myself.

“Why?” he asked.

I looked into eyes that always made me smile and I felt my heart stop. In fact, time itself seemed to stop. The clocks on the walls got louder and slower, like a countdown to the end of something.

Spencer looked terrified, like he was waiting for something horrible. If the voice in my head was to be believed, I guess he was, in a way.

Something would change if I told him the truth. I couldn’t know what or how, but I knew that nothing would be the same.

But… maybe that wasn’t the worst thing in the world. Maybe… it could be better.

“I didn’t want you to kiss me because I…”

I could have lied to him.

I just didn’t want to.

“I really want you to kiss me,” I said. “Just… not like this.”

Spencer’s hand went slack in mine. In a way, he’d let go without actually letting go. Just a gentle shift of his fingers from desperation to shock.

Spencer didn’t pull away. He mostly just… stood there, with his mouth hung open and his mind working slower than it ever had before. But my mind was racing, and my lips felt inclined to follow the train of thought that was now racing down the tracks.

“I want you to kiss me because you want to kiss me. Not because of a stupid dare.”

“Oh,” he said with a shaky exhale.

That was all he’d given me to work with. In a way, it was a blessing, because it didn’t sound enough like an outright rejection for me to stop my loose lips from continuing to spill the contents of my heart in front of him.

“I just wanted… if you kissed me, I wanted it to be more special than that. I wanted it to mean something.”

Like a light switch had flipped on in his brain, Spencer jolted back to his usual energy. That frantic, curious kid trapped in a man’s body was so quick to figure it out.

“Wait, have you never kissed anyone before?” he theorized.

And yeah, he was right, but he didn’t have to say it.

“Freaking profilers,” I grumbled, pulling my hand away from his to cross my arms firmly against my chest. I turned ever-so-slightly away from him before deciding, “You know what? Never mind, I don’t want you to kiss me anymore.”

A bold lie.

Spencer didn’t believe me nor let me get too far. With both hands on my shoulders, he quickly turned me back to him.

“Wait! Wait, is that why you were embarrassed?”

My lips puckered to stop my heart from letting anything else out. My eyes avoided his, no matter how insistent and inviting he was. I pursed my lips tightly enough together that Spencer could hear the answer in the body language.

And with the sweetest, shyest smile I’ve ever seen, he whispered back, “(Y/n) that’s… that’s really sweet.”

It was just so genuine. I was no good at telling when someone was lying, but I had been very experienced in telling the truth.

I knew he had meant it. I just didn’t know why. But in the spirit of truth telling, I decided to simply ask.

“How is that sweet?”

“You want me to be your first kiss,” he said. With incredulity in every part of his expression, he chuckled, “I’m flattered you think so highly of me.”

“I don’t know why, seeing as no one else was interested,” I grumbled.

Spencer did not appreciate the self-deprecating humor. In fact, he was very quick to disprove its contents.

“I promise you that there have been people that wanted to kiss you,” he assured me. Then, with a brief pause after he realized the web he’d gotten himself stuck in, Spencer gave me his own admission.

 “You’re, uh… you’re looking at one of them.”

In that moment, between our lopsided smiles and white flags, I realized how silly this had all been. I wondered for a brief second how this could have gone so differently, how we had wasted so much time obstinately refusing to admit what we both felt out of fear of losing one another.

But we never would have. Still, as I reached out and embraced him without the heavy weight of that burden on my back, I didn’t regret waiting.

In fact, it almost seemed like that was how it had always been meant to be.

“Thanks, Spencer,” I said into his shirt. “Sorry I was weird.”

He just laughed, holding me even closer than I’d ever thought possible as he promised, “I wouldn’t change a single thing about you.”

And I knew that he’d meant it. There wasn’t a lie to be found.

Leaving the room after that had been so easy. The world had changed for us so quickly in a matter of minutes that I’d almost forgotten no one else knew what was going on. But I suppose the disruption had been enough of a punishment for their meddling.

I couldn’t hate them when Spencer’s hand was in mine. I couldn’t fault them at all for giving us that push — no matter how humiliating it had been — because in the end, I had everything I could ever ask for. I had everything I needed.

The rest of the night was like it always was. No one said a word about the way Spencer never let his hand leave me in some way, shape, or form. No one even mentioned the fact that our longing stares had changed to something else.

Everyone just had fun, knowing that they had been right about Mrs. Obvious and Mr. Oblivious.

As the night wound down, I found myself dreading leaving. Not only because Spencer had been the designated driver — and a terrible driver, at that — but because that meant he would have to leave.

When he parked the car in my driveway, I thought of what I could do to prolong the inevitable. I hadn’t been expecting him to be quite as much of the gentleman as he was, but I wasn’t going to complain when he hopped out of the driver’s side and ran over to open my door for me.

The walk to my door was silent and felt like forever. I almost wanted to invite him in, but I knew what his answer would be. It had been late, and a lot had happened. I was sure we both agreed that it was alright to take it slow.

I mean, look how long it had taken to get us there.

Once we arrived at my door, Spencer let go of my hand. He still stayed just as close, though. From mere inches away, he looked down at me with an affection so blatant it made my cheeks burn.

I was about to open my mouth to say goodnight when I decided that I had something better to ask, instead.

“Truth or dare?”

Spencer smiled. He swayed even closer, backing me against the entrance and whispering his answer inches from my lips.

“Dare.”

I knew he could feel the way my breath shook. He could see how my eyelids began fluttering shut before I’d given him his instruction.

That wouldn’t stop me, though.  

“I dare you to kiss me.”

Spencer’s hands touched me first. He cradled my face before pressing his forehead against mine. I closed my eyes, unsure if I could handle the yearning in his eyes. I didn’t know what to expect, so I just stood patiently, counting the quick beats of my heart, and feeling the warmth of his breath fanning over my lips.

But then, just before I thought he would kiss me, he moved. Spencer tilted my head down and quickly pressed a gentle, chaste kiss against my forehead.

Even that innocent touch lit my body on fire. I opened my eyes, surprised to find that he wasn’t finished yet. I giggled as his kisses continued — one on each cheek before the quickest on the tip of my nose.

I laughed, a sound filled with excitement and my love for that silly boy. Spencer pulled away then, and I almost had the chance to be disappointed.

But then he kissed me. Without any hesitation, no moment of anticipation, he pulled my body forward while simultaneously pushing it back. He kissed me with soft lips and gentle hands.

Eventually, I had the sense to kiss him back. I knew it would be shier and less practiced, but he didn’t seem to mind. In fact, he smiled against my lips once he felt it. He continued his attempts to kiss me until our smiles and laughter were too much to keep it up.

When he stepped back and away then, I felt no disappointment. I felt nothing resembling anything bad, and Spencer seemed equally satisfied.

He still felt the need to explain himself, though. Just in case.

“Not because of the dare,” he said with a shrug and a smile, “Just because I wanted to.”

Then, with the complete lack of grace that I’d loved him for, he stumbled back down the stairs with an awkward wave.

“Goodnight,” he said before I returned it with a promise.

“Until next time.”

I had a feeling we'd have even more fun with that one.

To be continued...

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[plussizefantasia]

Ancient Races

Flufftober Day 28: Witches

Emmett Cullen x witch!reader

Word Count: 1.3k

AN: I think I've said this a lot but this is one of my favorites that I've written for Flufftober. Emmett has got to be my favorite himbo and the fact that he's a vampire really only makes it better.

I'm still looking for more requests for when I come back if you have any ideas please let me know. Reblogs and Feedback are always appreciated. See y'all tomorrow.

divider credit @royallaesthetics

Magic has been running through your family’s veins for centuries. Generation after generation of bright young witches who had powers beyond the scope of the rest of humanity. You were taught by your mother, and she hers and so on and so on. When you were five, your father got a job as the deputy sheriff in the small town of Forks Washington. Your mother didn’t argue and so within the month, you were in a new house.

Thinking about it now, you were sure that there had to be some kind of destiny out there, a deity of fate that pulled the strings of existence. There had to be some magnificent tapestry where all the threads of life were woven together just so as to create a beautiful picture. There was no other explanation for how things seemed to work out.

You met Emmet on his first day back at Forks High, this would be his fourth time going to this high school but it had been close to fifty years since he last stepped through their doors. The building looked different but not by much. You were walking into the building, with your arms full of books, looking like the textbook definition of a nerd. Emmett had been walking backward, not really watching where he was going and talking to Edward and Jasper. The two of you had collided. Your books fell to the ground, but you were pulled into his large chest. And thus, the best friendship you had ever had began.

There was only one problem, you couldn’t tell him about anything about your magical abilities. At first, it wasn’t a very big deal you weren’t spending a whole lot of time together and he was easily persuaded into meeting on days when you didn’t have lessons with your mother. As the two of you got closer though, it became more and more difficult to hide. 

When you turned 17, you started having a bit more difficulty controlling your magic. It tended to burst out of you when you were feeling strong emotions, especially anger. You didn’t have a huge temper but it was known to flare occasionally. You got good at lying. And every time you lied to Emmett your heart broke a little bit more. 

It had gotten to the point where you no longer cared about the rules of secrecy or the laws that your kind was bound by. You just wanted him back, you wanted to be yourself with Emmett because if you were being completely honest with yourself, he was no longer just your best friend. You were in love with him, and the thought of losing him because you had to keep hiding things was heartbreaking.

You had no idea that Emmett was feeling the very same way. When he had bumped into you that fateful day three years ago, his eternal existence shifted. You became the center of his world. He craved being near you, having you in his sight, and hearing your heartbeat. Knowing that you were safe and happy became his only goal. He tried so hard to let you take the pace, holding himself back from fully unleashing his feelings on you. But deep down he knew that he wouldn’t be able to last forever. So here he was, begging Carlsie for advice on how to tell you. He didn’t want to enter into a relationship with you that was shadowed by secrets.

If he was going to have you, he would have you being himself, with everything out in the open. 

“Carlisle, I’m telling you. She’s everything to me. I cannot move on without her in my life. She needs to know everything.”

“Son, I know that you think that but-”

“No. Carlisle, she's my mate I know it.”

“Okay. I believe you. If you’re going to tell her you’ll need to make sure that she stays calm. I know that you love her, but humans are unpredictable. We cannot risk getting exposed.”

“I know. She’ll take it well I know she will.”

“Then what are you waiting for?” Carlisle asked. Pulling his adopted son into his arms for a brief but strong hug. Emmett didn’t need any more convincing than that, he hopped in his car and immediately made his way over to your house. 

You were upstairs in your room pacing a hole into your carpet trying to think of ways you could tell the boy you loved that you not only wanted to spend the rest of your life with him but that you were also a witch with emotionally charged powers who was going to live much longer than the average human. Your pacing was interrupted by several loud and fast knocks on your front door. 

You raced down the staircase to see who was at the door and when it swung open you were met with the sight of an extremely flustered Emmett Cullen.

“Em, what are you doing here?” 

“Can I come in?” He asked instead of answering you.

“Of course,” you stepped aside and he pished past you, “What’s going on Em? You’re kind of freaking me out.”

“I have something really important to tell you and I need you to not panic.” 

“Saying that is not going to make me not panic.” You deadpanned. “But I also have something important to tell you so maybe we can take turns?” You suggested. Grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the large couch that took up a majority of the floor in your living room.

“Take turns, yeah.” He muttered to himself. The two of you were sitting close, things touching and staring at each other. Waiting for the other one to make the first move.

“Okay, here goes nothing. I’m, I’m a witch.” Your eyes bounced between your lap where your hands were folded, Emmett’s face to gauge his reaction, and the clock on the wall to count the seconds of silence that ensued.

Finally, “Oh thank god.” Emmett breathed out. 

“What?” You were buffering. What did he say? 

“No, I. That makes sharing my things a whole lot easier.”

“I’m sorry, Emmett how does me telling you that I belong to an ancient race of magic-wielding women make whatever you have to share easier.”

“Because I’m trying to tell you that I’m also a part of an ancient race. Except my race is immortal creatures of the night that feast on human blood.”

You broke into a series of giggles.

“Go figures. The first boy I fall in love with and he’s a vampire.”

“You love me?”

You froze. You definitely did not mean to just blurt that out, let alone in the middle of a self-deprecating moment of sarcasm. 

“Well, if we’re sharing…” You trailed off.

“I love you too.” Emmett’s smile was so wide you were actually convinced that his face would start to split in half. “Is it weird to say that I’m really relieved right now?” He asked

“Depends on why you’re relieved I think.”

“I was convinced that when I told you you’d never want to see me again. But now I know that isn’t going to happen and I’m just so happy.”

“I’m happy too, Em. I was so tired of keeping secrets from you. It hurt when I lied to you and I thought it was just because you were my best friend but it was so much more than that.”

“C’mere” Emmett grabbed you by the waist and hauled you onto his lap. “You were made for me. I’m never going to let you go.” He whispered into the small space between your faces. You pushed forward and gently placed your lips onto his. Pulling away way too soon for either of your liking. You moved your head to rest on his shoulder, your face pressed against his neck.

“We’ll have forever.”

“Forever sounds good to me.” 

You laughed softly once more and pressed a kiss lightly to the skin of his neck. Forever sounded pretty good to you too.

[peterparkouryo]

rebound ii | ✧.*

✧.*

prompt; After Peter ends your relationship after admitting to being in love with someone else, you're a mess and very very miserable.

warnings: semi heavy angst, fluff if you squint

word count: 4.7k

part one part three

It's been four days since your birthday, and your break up with Peter. 

You were sad, no you were miserable since that day and you cried every chance you got. It's not because it was on your birthday, if it was any other day you'd probably be just as worst.

Today was Monday, which meant today was also another dreadful, long and dragging, boring day of school. You'd rather be in your bed, eating ice cream as you cried watching a rom-com that was just as bad as your life.

When you got to school, you went straight to your locker, put your things inside and got all needed accessories for your upcoming class. The first class you needed to be at was social studies, which thankfully didn't have him in it, just your friend Betty and his friend Ned.

"Hey, Happy belated birthday!" Betty quickly exclaims the moment you walk into the class room, a couple students glancing at you or her in curiosity.

You send a grateful and albeit, weak smile as you slowly but surely make your way to your assigned seat which just so happens to be right next to her.

"Thanks." You softly mumble just as you sit next to her, the blonde haired girl excitedly turning towards you with too much anticipation.

"So, how was your birthday?" She asked.

"Also, sorry I couldn't be there." Betty quickly added before you could answer.

You wanted to tell her that it was fine, that you enjoyed your birthday with just you and your mom but the last final hour of your birthday was truly the worst part of that whole 24 hour day.

"It's fine, umm, I guess it was okay." You tell her, leaving out the very heartbreaking details you so badly wanted to tell her.

"Did Peter shower you in presents? Did he take you on a date!?" Ohh, did he give you that necklace that you've been ogling for the past few months?" Betty asked, question after question.

Now, you had no other choice but to tell her, and quite frankly, you did not want that to be the agenda for the day, but curse Betty and her curious, bubbly personality.

"Actually, we broke up." You tell it how it is, not sparing to glance at her bewildered expression.

"Broke up?" She repeated in disbelief. 

You hum in response, digging into your backpack next to you and pulling out your notebook to jot down the notes on the board, completely trying to block out Betty and her confusion.

"When?" Betty quizzed, her eyes switching back and fourth from your notebook and your side profile.

"He broke up with me, on my birthday." You tell her, looking back down to your notebook, now scribbling nonsense.

Before she could even respond, you continue.

"Apparently, he was in love with Michelle, you know the girl from our math class? The whole entire time. Well, I don't exactly know when he fell in love with her, but it certainly was during our relationship." You rambled, holding back the frustration and tears that threatened to break through.

days you've been going through for the past few days. You still think it's your fault for why Peter broke up with you, he probably found you boring and you didn't give him the attention he needed, which is why you strongly believe he fell for someone much better than you.

You didn't hate Michelle, you actually genuinely liked the brown curly haired girl, she was quiet and observant and super smart, so you can see why Peter liked her a lot. She could also be dark at times from what you remember, and sure it confused you of how and why Peter liked that but maybe you didn't know your ex as well as you thought.

"Y/N, I am so sorry." Betty said, putting a reassuring hand on your shoulder, which you didn't shrug off because you honestly needed some sort of comfort from the past few days.

"It's nothing, I'll be fine." You lied, turning your attention away from her to look at the board once again as the teacher finally decided to teach the class.

--

It was finally lunch time, and normally you'd sit with Peter and Ned, but that was a no go. Well, it would've been a no go if the other tables weren't full and if Ned hadn't invited you to sit next to him. And who were you to decline an invitation from the nicest boy ever?

So, you made your way to the table that was made for awkward moments, only seeing Ned sit there happily eating his lunch.

"Oh, hi Y/N." Ned greeted you just as you sat directly across from him with your lunch tray in hand.

"Hey." You greeted back, showing a smile.

You knew you were going to regret sitting here, given the fact that Peter is bound to sit here as well and there's no doubt that Michelle would be sitting here also, but you tried to ignore that initiated gut feeling and focus on anything and everything else.

Maybe if Peter saw that you were trying to move on, he'd believe that you did, though all of that is complete and utter bullshit.

"So, you know how in our science class we have that upcoming project about disparities?" You hear Ned's voice ask, glancing at him just in time as he shoves a salty fry into his mouth.

You nod, playing with your food instead, the anxiety slowly creeping into your body.

"Well, I was thinking since you and uhh...you know what never mind. Do you want to be my partner?" Ned questioned quickly, eyes filled with hope.

"Are you only asking me because I'm the smartest in that class?" You tease, narrowing your eyes at him in amusement.

Ned lets out a whole-heartedly chuckle, but before he could joke back a voice you very much expected interrupts you both.

"Sorry, the lunch line was really long..." Peter says defeatedly, tossing his friend a bag of chips  as he sat down next to him.

Okay, so maybe you should've declined Ned's offer, but he was sort of your friend and you didn't have lunch with Betty anymore, plus sitting alone would probably be just as miserable as sitting here with your ex, who was in love with someone else.

You're sure you hear Ned respond to Peter's apology, but you're not quite too sure since your brain and ears are filled with anxiety, your head feeling fuzzy at Peter's presence. You could sometimes occasionally feel Peter's glances, probably curious as to why you're sitting here, but you wanted to make a point that you're over him and you didn't sit here because you cared about him still (which was a lie), but because Ned invited you and he was your sort of friend.

"Michelle's in the library today, since she's not really a people's person." Peter informed Ned after his question as of where the brown curly haired girl was.

You were thankful for that, you didn't think you could handle much more of misery.

You're not one hundred precent sure if they're dating now, but if they are you failed to notice, and maybe Peter is just deciding to take things slow since the boy did just get out of a relationship, with you.

The boys continue to make small talk, you ate in silence, or played with your food in silence until the lunch period was over.

And as soon as the bell rung, you hurriedly got up from the table, threw away your lunch and made a bee-line for the cafeteria doors, shoving and squeezing your way through the herd of students.

You sighed in relief as you made it into the hallway, holding a hand to your chest, almost, just almost crying right then and there but you remembered that you were in public, and at school too.

Just as the students that once littered the busy hallway made their ways to the next class that they had, you heard your name being called in the now shallow hallway.

You turn around hesitantly since you already know that voice all too well.

It wasn't Peter, but Michelle, coming from the library doors.

You always knew somehow god wasn't on your side.

"Hey, uh..." The girl started as soon as she approached you, a clad of books stuffed in her right arm.

"Hey.." You mumbled awkwardly, sparing glances at a few students who walked by to get to their next class.

Michelle was as awkward as you were, it was very obvious in the way that the tension around you surfaced rather quickly. You both knew why, it was an unsaid understanding.

"I think I owe you an apology." Michelle states, her eyes never leaving your face as you slowly trailed yours to look into hers.

"For what?" You dumbly ask.

You knew why, you just needed to hear her say it.

"I never meant for Peter to fall in love with me, and to hurt you. I honestly didn't think you two were a thing until a week ago." She admitted, and you could sense how nervous her voice was with that confession.

 You knew you had a reason not to hate her, she was just as confused as you.

"It's fine, really." You lie, showing a rather obvious fake smile.

"No, no, it's not. I know he broke up with you on your birthday which is a really shitty thing to do, and I also know that it's not fine. If I could take back his feelings for me and give them to you, I would." Michelle concluded, her aura anything but foulness.

It was really reassuring knowing that the girl felt guilty for your now ex's feelings for her, her showing you the unexpected sympathy, something you thought would be the last thing you would receive from her.

But it was always really confusing how if she has feelings for Peter as well, why feel sorry for you? You did want him to be happy, and if it wasn't with you, so be it. You didn't want to be the reason Peter's unhappiness wasn't fulfilled.

"Michelle, listen." You started, standing up straight to look at her.

"I may be going through a lot with this, but I don't want to be the reason Peter is unhappy. That's the last thing I ever want for him. So, if he wants to be with you..." You trailed off with a shrug, hoping she understood where you were going with this.

Instead of answering the girl just stares at you, her eyes confused, as well as her facial expression, the features slowly falling into a more understanding expression, something you wanted her to see.

"Are you sure? I didn't want to get in the way of any unsaid closure..." She says, pressing her lips into a straight line.

Closure. The word only used to resolve problems. You didn't think breaking up with Peter needed closure.

"Oh, right...closure. I guess we do need to talk." You sigh.

"I would before he decides anything else. I mean that is if you're ready, it's only been four days." Michelle tells you, pushing up her books more into her arm as they were slipping.

You knew she was right, you did say yourself you wanted Peter to be happy, even if it was in a short amount of time.

"I'll just text him and ask him to meet me in the library after school." You tell her, hearing the bell ring, signalling the final warning to get to class.

"Good idea, tell me what he says." Michelle says with a nod before walking past you, mumbling a soft 'bye', and you too decide to make your way to your next period.

--

You unfortunately kept true to your word to Michelle, and as soon as your last period was over you texted the last person you wanted to see, asking him if you two could talk and to meet in the library after school.

It only took him maybe five or six minutes to respond, saying a quick 'okay'.

So here you were, really nervous, scared, maybe even sad for obvious reasons, waiting at a table that was way in the back of the library, not wanting to be disturbed by any teachers or students that lingered around in the book filled room.

You silently played with your fingers, your entire body on fire with anxiety. You sort of wished he would hurry up so it can get over and done with.

To be quite honest, it reminds you of the time he admitted to having a crush on you. You both were nervous for two totally different reasons. You, being nervous because you thought he was going to tell you he didn't want to be your friend anymore (and rightfully so because of how he was acting during that time), and him, because he of course liked you.

Any oncoming thoughts were caught short as your gaze was met with a familiar head set of curls, and compelling brown eyes coming your way, in a dazed state.

"Sorry, I uh...was busy." Peter mumbled, setting his backpack (the third one you saw that week), onto the library floor next to the seat he pulled out to sit down at.

"It's fine." You shrugged off, your hands now in your lap, keeping your distance, something you hope he didn't notice.

"So, what is it you wanted to talk about?" He asked, looking at you expectingly.

It took a lot of will power to keep your composure.

"Well, I talked to Michelle.." You trailed off, watching his every movement, seeing his pupils dilate just tiny bit.

"Oh?" Peter questioned, slightly biting his lip nervously.

"Yeah, she said we needed some sort of closure before you decide to get into a relationship to her." You told him, looking down at your fiddling hands in your lap.

Peter took notice of how truly nervous you were, and he couldn't help but feel bad, knowing he was the main reason for this.

He also noticed the lack of sleep, due to the much obvious under bags in your eyes, something he had a feeling also had to do with him.

"Right, closure." Peter nodded, clearing his throat.

There were a load of questions you had for him, many that probably would help you better understand how, when and why he fell out of love with you the moment he spent more time with Michelle.

His distance from you during the upcoming end of your relationship put you in a spiral of thoughts, the kind of thoughts that kept you up at night. It also didn't help that you were already an over thinker and the thought of messing up your relationship with Peter always scared you.

Most people would say that dreams come true not nightmares. It wounded you more than anything that you biggest fear did in fact come true.

You didn't really care if he was going to end up dating Michelle, it was bound to happen anyway. You just wanted to know the when and why. You wanted to know what you lacked during that time so in future relationships, you'd be able to avoid it.

"Before we talk, I, um, bought you this." You hear Peter say, the boy reaching inside of his backpack, digging in it before retreating it with an item, holding it toward you.

You reluctantly look up from where your eyes were practically trained on your lap, your hands still shyly there.

It was a small box decorated in your favourite colour, purple.

"What's this?" You curiously asked, taking it from his expecting hand.

"Just a late birthday gift." Peter shrugged, obviously not aware of just how inappropriate and inconvenient his timing was.

"Oh." Was all you said before stuffing it in your pocket.

You'd open it later.

As the day went on, the awkward tension build up, rarely anyone now was in the library, a few ongoing studiers, parents with their kids, or just advocate readers. You wanted some sort of miracle to happen so you wouldn't have to go through this uncomfortable situation.

It was clear neither of you knew how to start this conversation. You had no idea what to say or how to approach the topic of the closure you needed.

You couldn't tell if Peter noticed how miserable your appearance was, both mentally and physically, but you knew he must have known somehow.

"I'm really sorry I broke up with you on your birthday, had I known...I'd probably would've waited." Peter finally speaks up, with a heavy lump down his throat.

Your hands bare on the table as you shuffle in your seat, preparing on a proper response.

The thought of Peter going to break up with your regardless if it was your birthday or not makes your heart feel heavy with a forlorn weight.

"It's, I, it's okay, I guess." You murmur, blinking rapidly for effect.

Another silence settled, and this time you did nothing (like you were before) to speak up and stop it. You thought the more quiet, the less talking and you wouldn't get hurt anymore if either one of you even tried to utter a word.

"I know I hurt you," The boy started, and you look up, waiting for him to continue. "But, I can't say that I, you know what, never mind." Peter waves off, struggling to find the write words.

"And you're barely saying anything makes this a lot harder than it should be Y/N." He says in defeat, reaching out to clasp his hands onto yours.

There was nothing on your end, nothing to be said, nothing you wanted to say. Though you needed closure, you really had no idea what to say. How do you tell someone that you clearly still had feelings for that you love him?

Peter of course, had no idea you even loved him, he of course knew you probably still harboured feelings for him, but he didn't know you had stronger deeper feelings for him. Had the boy not broken up with you on your birthday, you probably would slipped the L word, which probably wouldn't make anything better if you're being honest.

"I'm sorry, I just....don't know what to say." You admit, the warmth of his skin on top of yours sending a wave of shivers from your arms through your entire body.

"Start by telling me how you feel." Peter suggested, and that might not had been the brightest of ideas.

You felt like shit. There hadn't been a day that went by after your dreadful birthday where you didn't.

You squint your eyes at him, slowly removing your hands from his grasp.

"I feel like shit." You tell him, giving the boy a timid look, watching him nod slowly in understanding.

"Right, probably should've guessed that." Peter said shyly, scratching the back of his neck in embarrassment.

"Sorry." He adds on.

"You say that a lot, but do you actually mean it?" You ask him quietly, watching his pupils dilate at your request.

"'Course I do!" Peter almost exclaims, his eyes now wide.

"I-, listen I know I hurt you bad, but the last thing I want is for you to hate me." He stated, pouting slightly.

You didn't hate him, and you think that's even worse.

"I don't hate you, don't think I ever can." You say, pressing your lips together.

It'd probably be a good thing to tell him you loved him, but you were in public and it would hurt even worst if he neglected your love (which would most likely happen) in such a public area.

Maybe you should wait till later, or just honestly get it over and done with, the sooner the better, you thought.

"If I'm being honest Peter, I think-" You begin, your heart pounding wildly against your chest. Your head screaming at you not to do it, but when have you ever listened to your head instead of your heart?

"I think I love you." You whisper at your quietest volume, and hopefully god was on your side,. Hoping maybe Peter didn't hear it, but you lacked the knowledge of knowing Peter's secret abilities.

Either time froze or Peter was stuck in place for whatever reason (you were sure you knew) it was. Things seemed to have frozen around you, the people you were once aware of now gone, just you and your ex in this moment. And was it such a vulnerable one.

You watch as the boy's mouth fell open and closed, trying to conjure up something, anything to say at your sudden confession.

Your heart fell deeper into your stomach as the silence grew, you wished this time it wasn't so evident, the lack of ventilate from him bothering your head.

After a two minutes of silence Peter quickly gets up from his seat, grabbing his backpack and slinging it over his shoulder almost clumsily.

"I-, I havetogo, sorry." The boy swiftly says, stumbling over his words before nearly tripping over a few chairs.

You figured this wouldn't happen, which might have been ten times worst than him actually saying something in return.

--

You had wiped the falling tears from your face, the mirror in front of you mocking your actions, but no matter what, the wet substance from your eyes would still fall down a lot heavier.

You sniffled before exiting the bathroom, making a beeline to your bedroom, closing the door and cuddling up into the bed.

After your conversation (if you'd even call it that) with Peter at the library, the minute you got home, you were hit with a wave of saddness. You cried more than you did on your birthday, and now you wish you hadn't told your ex boyfriend you loved him, didn't matter anyway.

You were grateful your mom had a late shift tonight, you couldn't bare the thought of her seeing you at your worst, questioning why you were the way you were. You lacked to even tell the woman you and Peter were no longer dating. You figured you'd wait a few weeks then drop the bomb on her, hopefully she'd spare Peter, but given her personality, you truly doubt it.

The crying hadn't really stopped, so when your face hit your soft pillows and more tears that got more intense as the night went on, you weren't all that surprised.

What did surprised you was the obsessive knocking at your bedroom window.

You didn't bother to wipe your tears when you sat up from your bed, aiming your direction at the window, furrowing your eyebrows in confusion when you saw your neighbourhood superhero instead of some sort of bird.

"Spider-Man?" You questioned bewilderedly as you approach your bedroom window, opening it from its handle.

You knew of him from the news, and it was really shocking to you that him of all people were here at your window at something at night for whatever the reason was.

"What are you doing here?" You ask him again, watching the hero crouch on the railing of your fire escape.

"Believe it or not but I heard you..." He says steadily, and you rose an eyebrow at him.

"Not that I was you know listening or anything, but I was near by and my senses can pick up things from far away." Spider-Man quickly says, holding out a hand in defence.

"Oh." You say, tilting your head as you wiped your tears.

"Seemed like a damsel in distress sort of thing..." He trailed off, expectingly waiting for your response.

You had no reason to tell this stranger your secrets, you both knew that, but something inside of you wanted to. You hadn't even known the hero for five seconds and yet you were ready to tell him your deepest darkest confessions.

"It's nothing." You settled for, having some moral ground.

"Sad movie?" Spider-Man suggested.

"Yeah." You nod, sniffling a bit.

Maybe he thought you were in some sort of trouble, but the more you thought about it the less sense it made to to tell a stranger about your conversation with your ex at a public library. 

What advice could he possible give that would make you feel better? You don't know if he's ever even gone through something like that.

"Oh, well hope you feel better." Spider-Man offered. "Just doing my part of the 'friendly neighbourhood' motto." He adds, making you chuckle.

"Thanks." You smile.

You couldn't pin point it, but he seemed oddly familiar, maybe it was because he was so nice to you after your horrible day, week even, but you really appreciated his kind gesture.

"I-" He started, unravelling himself from his crouching position to stand on your fire escape.

"Y/N." Spider-Man says, and your eyes widen marginally.

Had you told him your name? You couldn't remember, but never the less even if you didn't, you wondered how he knew in the first place. Maybe you slipped it out from habit or he was some stalker type of hero.

The hero seemed to have noticed your confused state, the vigilante quickly ripping off his mask to try and calm your nerves, but you recognize his face all too well, instinctively going to shut the window, but unfortunately for your his senses way too quick for yours, his strength inhumane.

"Wait!" Peter cried out as you still tried to close the window but to no avail. 

Peter easily slides the window up, causing you to let go repulsively, backing up from it as he slowly climbed in.

Every bone in your body was telling you to run, but where would you go, who would you tell? Now you never would tell anyone about your ex being the Queens superhero, but you don't think you can bare having this secret known to you so suddenly.

Peter being Spider-Man is a surprise, of course, and him using his alter ego just to talk to you in some sense after quite literally running away from your confession was making your mind fuzzy to say the least.

You started to shake your head for no particular reason, watching the boy close your window before turning back to you, his hair wild most likely from the mask, and a evident pout on his face.

"You-, you love me?" Peter asked, his voice cracking.

You couldn't conjure up the right words, your mind blank with empty thoughts. It was still shocking to you that Peter of all people was the spiderling you only ever seen on the news.

You never paid much attention to Spider-Man, and if you did, you'd probably would have figured out that Peter was him if you connected the dots properly.

"Y/N, please answer me." He pleaded, breaking you from your train of thoughts. You were sure you looked like a deer caught in headlights at this point.

"I don't know..." You whispered, fiddling with with your fingers as sweat trickled down your forehead.

"But at the library you said-" Peter starts.

"I know what I said." You tell him, meeting his brown eyed gaze.

You blinked back tears, Peter approaching your figure, and you would had backed up to get away from him but you were stuck in-between him and the bed. Fortunately he placed his mask on top of your bed, releasing it from his brutal grip, you two now in close distance.

You were getting deja vu, the boy staring at your face, perfecting every angle he could before closing his eyes and exhaling a breath he had been holding in.

"You really shouldn't had told me that." He whispered, and you bit your bottom lip, nervously nibbling on it.

Peter reopens his eyes, greeting you with the honey colour you were familiar with, his pupils getting smaller as it adjusted to the light, you felt bad for the sad expression that was held on his face.

He slowly brings a hand up to your face, wiping a tear that had unknowingly fallen down your face before pushing some of your hair behind your right ear.

It's been a long time since he's showed you this kind of affirmation, the last time he ever did something remotely similar was the time he had broken up with you. You had no clue what he was thinking, was he going to kiss you, or scold at you for expressing your love for him when he clearly loved another? The possibilities were endless like the ocean, and so you wished he'd only say his motive so your anxiety wasn't so obvious.

Peter's eyes dip to your lips before glancing back to your eyes, him silently asking for permission. You give the boy a nod as your answer, mirroring his actions when he closes his eyes and leans in.

[asocialangel]

i saw ur post asking for blue lock requests! what about fake dating with shidou? 💕

What Could Be

↬fake dating Shidou

chapter 1 – chapter 2 – chapter 3 – [...]

Thank you for giving me a prompt ! I hope this satisfies u ! This is my first time actually writing for Shidou so prayin this isn’t ooc… And mainly i hope that you're okay with a series instead of a one shot...

This will be a multiple chapter story !! And i will post them whenever they are ready !! So please enjoy chapter one as i air my first "chapter" writing !! Yayyy 😎 Shidou x fem!manager!reader. Fake dating. 700w.

Chapter 1, Any Other Name

[no warnings]

It’s the first of the month and as every first of the month you receive your paycheck. It was your fourth one, meaning it had been four months since you started working at blue lock. You wish you could say you were a manager there, but your paycheck said otherwise. Assistant to auxiliary tasks. Yeah, that has a lesser of a ring to it. But still, you enjoyed your job, maybe because you got to be around cute boys all day, but mostly because it meant you could get away from your parents a bit. You had freshly graduated when you received a mysterious job offer, from an acquaintance of your former employer. You decided it could be a good idea to leave the family house to get some air. It was indeed ! Because you go to reinvent yourself, even make up a fake name 'cause you felt like it. So here you were Vivi.

Well you were Vivi to most people. Except for this stupid boy that always mockingly despised you, so much you weren't sure if it was a joke anymore. To Shidou, you were maid-vivi. As if the only task you did was cleaning. Well, he was kinda right but you would have never admitted it to him. You still had paperwork and PR work to do sometimes...

You took your paycheck and exited Ego's office. And as you made your way to your staff room (your personal bedroom if you may) you bumped into him, yet again. It seemed like your paths always crossed, you could swear you saw him more than your own reflection these days. “Maid-viviiii” he sang as he walked towards the cafeteria. “Shidou.” Suddenly a crazy thought came to you. You could blackmail him. And win money with it. Obviously you wouldn't extort it out of him, but more at the situation. You grinned. When was it you became evil ? 

“Are you holding up well ?” You turned around before he was too far away. He stopped and turned around too, to see your face. You could see his incomprehension at your concerned face. “What do you mean, maid vivi ? I’m always well, and I recovered perfectly from yesterday's match as a U-20, as I always do”. You wanted to mock him so badly: “even though you lost ?”. But you said instead: “Oh.. So you haven't seen then ?” God you started feeling bad for being this machiavellian. “People online, they found out about, you know… You swinging that way. I’m sorry they outed you to everyone this way. But worry not Shidou, I'll still treat you the same as I am actually an ally to ga–" "I’M NOT GAY !”. Damn he got started fast. Perfect. “WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT”. “Uhm, netizens, but as I said every sexuality is fine and–”. “I’m not a fucking gay ! I respect them obviously but I'm not like… Like them !” He was still shouting. “Oh… they lied then ? But they showed old tweets you had on your profile and–” “Impossible, I’ve never done anything like that. I swear i will find these fuckers and make them pay”. “Well they can pay all they want but now everyone knows- uh i mean thinks you’re a homosexual”. “Why do you put it that way ?! Pfff I need to prove ‘em I'm not. Maybe if i retweet hetero porn it’ll convinc–”. “Ooh i don’t think you need to go that far”. As you said the sentence, another lightbulb appeared and lit in your head. This whole prank –cause yeah it was a prank, no netizens ever found any tweet– was solely to piss him off. But now you could get something else out of it. “I think dating a girl would be enough. Good luck on finding someone while you live here 24/7 tho. Anyway I need to go now ! Good luck !”. Both these sentences were not complete lies. “Fuck…” you heard him hiss down low as you left. 

What did you get out of this crazy man stunt ? The satisfaction of seeing him suffer AND something that will most likely bring new audiences to Blue Lock TV. BLTV had already started unbeknownst to the boys. If Shidou, one of the most populars contestants, had a girlfriend, it would create new drama that’d bring a new audience. And you being the start of that would most likely mean a raise ! Double homicide. 

That was your ideal without actually thinking things through. Because who was the only girl Shidou could turn to, while living here 247 as you said ? Yup. 

[ y o u ]

A/N: AHH I NEVER MEAN FOR THIS TO BE A SERIES ??!!! but it just came naturally... This will be a new exercise so I'm actually keen to see how it goes, how i'll do !! Also i forced myself to be concise cause i always do the longessttt (almost annoying i feel like) writings so i hope it's still comprehensible. FEEDBACK IS SO GREATLY APPRECIATED !!! hehe love u, u reading this...

[rebelwrites]

Sixteen: Give Me Your Goddamn Kutte!

Charles Leclerc x Nova Teller (OC)

Till the wheels fall off masterlist

Small town meets the fast lane. What happens when two souls meet? Will it end in happiness or will they both crash and burn?

Warning; Jax loses his shit

As always reblogs and feedback is highly appreciated ❤️ if you want tagging in future parts let me know ❤️

Juice kept quiet as Jax planted his hand firmly on his shoulder, he didn’t care if he was squeezing the muscle like it was a piece of paper ready to be tossed into the trash can. The whole club pulled their weight, paying their dues each month and making sure all the businesses are fit to make as much money as possible, yet for some reason Juice decided that he could be the one to slack off.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw the cutest sight, Elenor sitting on Nova’s knee whilst Charles had his arm wrapped around his sister’s shoulder and with the other hand he was helping Elenor color in whichever coloring book she had brought with her. He felt his heart flip watching the three of them together. The only thing was worried about was when Charles had to leave for the rest of the racing season, he knew it was going to not only break his sister’s heart but also his daughter’s as well.

Pushing the thoughts down, he tightened his grip on Juice’s shoulder, marching him into the kitchen. Jax was no longer playing around with the giant man baby.

This was his livelihood he was playing with now.

The moment they walked into the kitchen a heavy silence fell over the room as Juice backed himself into the corner, “you had so many fucking chances,” Jax growled, slamming his palms against the stainless steel counter, watching as Juice winced at the sound echoing around the room. “I stuck my fucking neck out on the line for you,” he paused for a moment taking in the guilty look that was taking over Juice’s expressions, “but you didn’t know that, did you?”

“No,” Juice muttered quietly, dropping his gaze down to his feet.

“The first time you fucked up Nova wanted me to kick your ass to the curb,” Jax snarled, gripping the edge of the worktop so tightly his knuckles were starting to turn white, “then the second time, I lied for you! Once again so Nova didn’t fucking chop your dick off, and this is how you repay me?”

Jax could feel his blood pressure rising, he knew his voice would be echoing around the room, no doubt everyone in the bar heard every word he was saying, but right now he couldn’t see past the rage, especially when Juice burst out laughing.

“Please tell me you aren’t fucking laughing right now?” Jax spat lunging across the room, wrapping his hand around Juice’s throat, slamming him against the stainless steel cabinets. “Look at me,” he growled, venom dripping on his every word. Juice ignored Jax’s demands, “I said fucking look at me you piece of shit. Fucking explain yourself.”

“I thought it was okay seen as Nova is suddenly swanning around with that fucking Formula One driver!” Juice snapped, narrowing his eyes at Jax.

“You have got to be fucking kidding me!” Jax roared, there was no way he was blaming his sister right now. “Nova fucking runs herself into the ground for this family and this club. If you have forgotten she was running the bar and the cafe for nearly the best part of a year. She hardly fucking slept, she lives off energy drinks and there were about three times she nearly put herself in hospital due to exhaustion and on the fourth time she ended up in the ER from the amount of caffeine she had, but we kept that quiet from you all because you didn’t need to know!” Jax paused for a moment, taking a breath, “oh, I forgot she's been the main carer for JT. So yes, I believe she is the one who deserves to have the summer off, maybe even fall in love, and I was the one to tell her to take a step back.”

Juice didn’t speak, the guilty look on his face had disappeared as quickly as it appeared, instead he was smirking. Jax couldn’t believe he hadn’t noticed this before, the Puerto Rican was high right now. Without thinking he balled his fingers into a fist before raising his arm letting his knuckles collide with Juice’s jaw, “you are a fucking joke right now, showing up high and trying to bring down my sister.”

“Whatcha gonna do? Beat me?”

“I should fucking bury you!” Jax snarled, releasing his grip of Juice’s throat taking a couple of steps back, running his fingers through his hair, fixing a couple of strands of hair that had fallen out of place, “give me your goddamn kutte!”

Juice stared back at Jax in slight disbelief, but his movements were fast as he ripped off the well worn leather hanging on his shoulders, “do you know what Jackson, fuck you!” Juice snapped, launching the kutte on the tiled floor like it was a piece of litter to him. “Everything is about you and fucking Nova, neither of you fucking care about anyone else,” he seethed, narrowing his eyes at Jax, “she isn’t the only one trying to keep their head above water, running multiple businesses.”

He took a step closer to Jax, who was standing there in shock at the sudden outburst from someone Jax thought he knew, turns out he didn’t, “you are actually doing me a favor,” Juice scoffed, running his hand over his face, “I can actually work less to support myself instead of this stupid fucking club.”

“Juicy Boy.”

“Don’t fucking Juicy Boy me,” he snapped, glaring at Jax, “Nova has been looking for a reason to kick me to the curb, no one ever fucking checked on me, it was all about precious Nova! Do you know what screw you Jax and screw the club, all this means is I don’t have to keep providing everyone with weed at a heavily discounted rate meaning my goddam takings at my shop will double!” Juice was now pacing the room but suddenly stopped turning to face Jax with a wide smirk on his face, “plus I will get to keep all my own profits.”

Jax felt his expression drop, running his fingers through his hair. His stomach twisted into a tight knot as he realized that Juice was telling the truth.

“You forgot the shop was in my name, not the clubs, didn’t you?” Juice chuckled, as he made his way to the fire exit, “everyone is working themselves to the fucking bone for this club and for what? You don’t even see what's happening in front of your own eyes! Thanks for nothing, I guess, so much for the fucking brotherhood,” he spat before leaving Jax standing in the kitchen frozen to the spot.

His head was spinning, Juice had never kicked off like this before. Leaning against the stainless steel worktop Jax let out a strangled cry. This wasn’t what he needed on the day of the fundraiser but everything Juice said had struck a nerve with him, maybe he was right, maybe he was too focused on the Teller bubble to notice all the other things that were happening around him.

Did everyone feel like this towards him and Nova?

Were they all putting on a front around them?

“Fuuuuuuuuuuck!!!!” he screamed, turning towards the refrigerator letting his fist collide with the metal, not caring about the pain that seared through his knuckles, he kept punching the appliance trying to release the frustration building up in his body.

The music had been turned up to drown out the sounds of the argument of Jax and Juice but nothing could mask the painful screams that echoed through the building. Running my hands over my face I pressed a kiss against the top of Elenor’s head, “Ça vous dérange de la surveiller pendant que je m'occupe de Jax ? You mind keeping an eye on her while I take care of Jax?” I asked Charles and Pierre but keeping my gaze focused on behind the bar.

“Tout va bien ? Is everything ok?” Charles asked softly, running his fingers over the back of my neck.

“Not sure yet,” I sighed, taking a deep breath, “if you can just watch her whilst I go see if Jax is okay that would be great.”

“Of course, Sunshine,” Pierre teased, with a wide smirk on his face.

Rolling my eyes at him, I shuffled Elenor so she was now sitting on the leather sofa. “Why don’t you go show Charles and Pierre your fairy garden?” I asked softly, finally looking down at the sweet innocent girl.

“Wait, you have a fairy garden?” Charles exclaimed, making me smile. No one could doubt he was good with Elenor, “come on then, lead the way Little Bear,” he grinned, holding his hand out. My heart fluttered watching her happily take his hand along with the bright grin that appeared on her face at the sound of the nickname Charles called her.

Pulling the sleeves of Charles hoodie over my hands I slowly made my way towards the kitchen, there were no sounds of arguing anymore so that had to be a good sign right? Either Juice had left or Jax completely lost his temper and Juice’s body would be lying on the floor.

Taking a deep breath I pushed the door open, finding Jax slumped on the floor, his fingers tangled in his hair, tugging at his roots, “fuck, Jax, what happened?” I breathed, panic flooding my body, I had never seen him like this before.

In front of me sat the shell of the man I loved.

“Talk to me,” I whispered, crouching down in front of my brother.

“We fucked up Squirt,” he muttered, letting out a heavy sigh before pushing himself to his feet, storming out of the kitchen.

What the fuck was he on about?

How did we fuck up?

For once it felt like things were finally changing for the better, I was finally getting some sleep, everything felt like it was under control and I had finally met someone who made me feel so many emotions, who set my world on fire and I didn’t want to extinguish the flames. It was like always life had a funny way of kicking me to the ground, leaving me in the dirt.

Letting out a shaky breath I quickly followed my older brother, the moment I stepped through the fire escape I felt the warmth of the sun hit my skin making me rethink my choice of clothing this morning.

“Jaxy,” I hummed, dropping down to the floor joining him on the patio, “talk to me, what's going on?”

“You are gonna hate me for this,” he growled into the air, placing a cigarette between his lips before passing the packet to me, “we might have been too harsh on Juice.”

I practically choked on the first inhale of the cigarette, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Had Jax hit his head or something? “Please tell me this is some fucking joke?” I scoffed, resting my elbows on my knees, “he got in your head didn’t he?”

“Nova, just think about it. We have been so caught up with Pops, the whole messy divorce and custody battle with Tara. For the past year at least we have been fighting to keep our family from drowning,” he sighed, taking a long drag of the smoke. “We failed to notice that everyone else was working their fucking asses off for us, for the club. I think we need to hire more people, a lot more.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, Jax was willing to let random outsiders come in and work the businesses the club had worked so hard to build. I felt like I was losing control and there was nothing I could do about it.

The more I thought about it, the more appealing packing everything into a duffle bag, tossing it into the trunk of my beat up truck and hitting the road without a second glance. In the same breath I knew I was tied to this small town in the middle of nowhere, there was no way I could walk away from my family.

“We aren’t talking about this now,” I scoffed, pushing myself to my feet, “we have less than an hour before that bar is full of people wanting to take part in the annual fundraiser. So take a breath, beat the shit out of the garbage can or something but you need your game face on.”

“Nova,” Jax called out to me as tossed the cigarette butt into the metal bin.

“Not the time Jax,” I hollered over my shoulder as I moved around the building going to find Charles, Pierre and Elenor.

My head was spinning, I was happy enough to welcome Nero into the business with open arms because he was practically family but to welcome strangers in, well that was a different matter entirely. Taking a deep breath I made my way towards the one person that could drown out the voices, my worries and fears.

The warmth of the sun didn’t match the feeling that spread through my body as Charles smiled at me, I was falling hard for him. It was like I had jumped out of a plane without a parachute and the ground was coming at me faster than ever.

My stomach twisted into a tight knot the closer I got to him. Everything was suddenly clear, I was becoming addicted and my drug was Charles Leclerc.

@withmyteeth @chibsytelford @stillbreathin @danzer8705 @keyweegirlie @dragon-of-winterfell @ohthemisssery @a-distantdreamer @sgkophie @angywritesstuff @enchantedbytomandhenry @scribbuluswrites @dangerouspursepeachbear @buendiabebeta @ferrarifwendvale @theplobnrgone @charlesleclercje @queenslife @panicforspec @justme2042 @liv67 @derpinathebrave @clcspeonies @pleasantducktimetravel @raaaaabzzz @mehrmonga @sbgal @fangirl-lb @pitconfirmbutton @oslokij @tall-tanned-tattoo @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @pumpkin-spice-hate @talicat713 @band--psycho @little-diable @i-love-scott-mccall @fourthwallhateclub @theysayitscrazy @rosieposie0624 @choochoo284 @meteora-fc @beeroses @darklydeliciousdesires @the-jer-bear @extraneousred @youflickedtooharddamnit @babypink224221

[heli-writes]

Marriage of Convenience, part 7: returning home.

Pairing: Yoriichi x you

Summary: Yoriichi's friends think that Yoriichi is too lonely and needs a wife and family to take care of him. They propose a marriage of convenience to a woman who's in need of a husband. The arrangement of the marriage is simple: both parties live their lives as before, y/n takes care of Yoriichi as a wife and Yoriichi keeps unwanted men (and demons) away. Love is not required, friendship is appreciated. However, how detached can one be when living so close to each other?

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9

Series Masterlist

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Pounding pain is what (y/n) feels first when she regains consciousness. The piercing sunlight didn’t do her much good when she tried to open her eyes. She groans. What the hell happened last night, (y/n) thinks, I only had a couple of drinks. She rolls over to her other side, away from the window and the light. Next to her lies Yoriichi who is staring at the ceiling. “Mornin’”, (y/n) tells him with a yawn. His head flips towards her in a second but his eyes don’t meet hers. “You’re already awake?”, he asks her. “Kind of.”, she answers, “We didn’t bring any painkillers, did we?”. Yoriichi shakes his head. “I can ask Mrs. Nakamura if you want to.”, he tells her. “That’d be great. My head is killing me.”, (y/n) groans. Yoriichi doesn’t answer that and quickly adverts his gaze.

Suddenly, (y/n) feels embarrassed. What did she do yesterday night that Yoriichi can’t look her in the eyes? Did she do something inappropriate? This whole trip leaves her confused and her feelings are all over the place. Grief over her fiancé, a newfound fondness for Yoriichi which sometimes scratches onto something else and let’s not forget the fear and panic that haunted her in the caves. She turns her head away from Yoriichi.

“Look, Yoriichi…”, she starts, “About yesterday night. I usually don’t drink like this. I just felt so nervous after the caves. I don’t know what has gotten into me and… I’m sorry if I did or said something that offended you or something like that.” When (y/n) notices that she’s rambling, she quickly tries to stop herself. “Y/n… It’s okay. There’s nothing you need to apologize for.”, Yoriichi says calmly. Being relieved, (y/n) takes a deep breath. “So, what happened yesterday then? I can’t remember much after the fourth or fifth drink.”, she asks him. Yoriichi shifts uncomfortably in his futon. He hoped that either (y/n) remembers or doesn’t ask. “We just talked.”, he says vaguely. “About what?”, (y/n) asks naively. Yoriichi breathes out deeply. He shouldn’t lie to her. He should tell her what she told him and, more importantly, he should tell her about the demon. “You told me about the night your fiancée died. And about your family’s business.”, he tells her. Y/n doesn’t say anything after that. When he turns back to her, he sees her staring at the ceiling. He can’t read her. In contrast to her thoughts, Yoriichi finds it easy to read her emotions. However, right now he doesn’t know what she’s feeling. “I’m sorry,” (y/n) finally says, “You probably wouldn’t have agreed to marry me if you had known. I didn’t mean to deceive you. I just… I don’t know what I was thinking.” “You wanted safety for your son and yourself. There’s no shame in that.”, Yoriichi tells her. “It was wrong. You thought you were marrying a simple woman and you got a poison brewer and a walking target. You deserve better.”, she answers bitterly. Yoriichi sits up slowly. (Y/n) doesn’t move. “Hey, look at me.”, he tells her. (Y/n) sits up as well and tries to look at him, but quickly looks away again. “You’re right. You’re more than I bargained for.”, he tells her and (y/n) lowers her head in shame. “I thought marrying you was a risk. It meant putting you in danger. I, too, am on Muzan’s kill list. Everybody associated with me automatically is in danger too. So, you see, it’s not really much of a deal.”, he tries to console her. “My family is a bunch of murderers.”, (y/n) blurts out. “But you’re not. In contrast, you tried to use your knowledge to put an end to the murders committed by demons. That’s noble.”, he tells her. (Y/n) blushes at that. “Still, I was dishonest to you.”, she says back. Yoriichi shrugs. “I didn’t expect you to tell me all of your secrets beforehand. We only knew each other for a few weeks.”, he points out. (Y/n) thinks about that for a moment. “Does that mean you have secrets too?”, she asks him cheekily. Yoriichi doesn’t answer. How could he? How could he tell her that her fiancée’s and (y/s/n)’s parents’ deaths are actually his fault? Because he couldn’t protect his brother? Because he couldn’t defeat Muzan?

“You don’t have to tell me. Considering I didn’t tell you mine, how can I expect you to tell me yours?”, (y/n) says and slowly gets up. She stretches in front of the window. When she turns around, she says: “I’m going to ask Mrs. Nakamura for some painkillers. Then, let’s have some breakfast.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

After the painkillers kicked in and breakfast was eaten, y/n and Yoriichi were ready to leave. After three days, it’s time to return home. “I’m sure (y/s/n) is waiting for us eagerly.”, y/n ponders. Yoriichi nods at that. “Do you think we can take a little detour though? We need some food for the next few days. Maybe we can take a stop at the nearby village to pick up some bread and cheese.”, she says. Yoriichi nods again. For a while, (y/n) and Yoriichi walk in silence. “You’re quiet.”, she tells him, “More than usually so. Is it about yesterday?” “No.”, he answers her, “Just a lot happened the last few days.”. (Y/n) nods. “I guess we did spend a lot of time around each other. You must be happy to get some time away from me tonight.”, she jokingly points out. Yoriichi thinks about this for a second. (Y/n)’s right when she says Yoriichi likes to be alone. He feels comfortable being alone. Most people exhaust him. They talk so much and drain his energy. (Y/n) talks a lot too but it’s different somehow. She doesn’t expect him to talk as well. It’s easy to be around her, he thinks. “It’s fine.”, he mumbles.

They take another route down the mountain, one that leads them to the village near the Kamado’s house. In contrast to the path they took before, this one is uneven and steep. Yoriichi walks ahead and (Y/n) stumbles after him. “Wait!”, she calls out to him, “I’m not as steady as you. Can you hold my hand?” Yoriichi stops and looks at her surprised. (Y/n) simply holds out her hand to him. Without a second thought, Yoriichi takes her hand and leads her down the path. After a few hours, they arrived at the village. (Y/n) takes off to do some grocery shopping and Yoriichi trails behind her. After filling their bags with food for the next few days, (y/n) proposes to have some lunch at a udon stall. “One last meal in peace before we’ve got that little weasel running in between our feet.”, she laughs enthusiastically. After they’ve eaten, they start their way to the Kamado’s.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Oh, look who’s back!”, Suyako chirps when she sees Yoriichi and (y/n) entering their yard. “How was the trip?”, Sumiyoshi asks the pair upon their arrival. “Good.”, Yoriichi informs them briefly. Suyako puts her hands on her hips. “We want to know more than that”, she exclaims, “Come in, come in! Let’s have some tea together.”. Suyako ushers the two of them inside. While the women set off into the kitchen to brew some tea, the men already sit down in the dining room.

“So…”, Suyako says ominously while heating some water. “So what?”, (y/n) asks. “So, how was the trip?”, Suyako clarifies. (Y/n) is sure it’s still not what Suyako means but she plays along. “It was nice. We soaked in the hot springs and were at a market.”, she tells the other woman. “Right… and?”, Suyako wiggles her eyebrows. “And what?”, (y/n) replies innocently. “And did you kiss? Shared a futon? Proclaimed your love for each other?”, Suyako presses on. (Y/n) can’t help but laugh at her face. “What are you talking about?”, she asks whipping a tear off her face. Suyako looks at her disappointedly. “So nothing happened between you two?”, she mopes. (Y/n) thinks about this for a second. Things did happen between them. They’ve opened up to one another. Shared feelings and secrets. (Y/n) feels closer to Yoriichi than before. She trusts him. (Y/n) has to blush as she thinks about the time when she was pinned beneath him. Suyako immediately notices her change of color. “Something did happen!”, she exclaims. (Y/n) quickly shakes her head and waves her hands in front of her face. “No, no, it’s not like you think! Nothing happened. We just talked a lot. I think I understand him better now.”, she quickly explains. Suyako looks at her suspiciously for a moment. When she sees no signs of a lie, her expression turns soft. “I’m glad to hear that.”, she tells (y/n).

When the two of them return to the dining room, the men have the children on their laps. (Y/n) fondly watches (y/s/n) show a picture book to Yoriichi who seems invested in the boy’s silent narration of the story. “There you are!”, Sumiyoshi exclaims. Yoriichi looks up and meets y/n’s eyes. She gives him a warm smile and Yoriichi automatically gives her a small smile back. “So, (y/n), Yoriichi told me about your trip to the caves.”, Sumiyoshi starts a conversation. (Y/n) sits down as Suyako sets the table, “Uhm… yes. How much did he tell you?”, she mumbles. “Hm? Oh, just that you went on a boat trip with another couple and that the guide tried to scare you.”, Sumiyoshi says. “Oh, yes, that’s right. Turns out I’m a real scaredy-cat.”, (y/n) laughs embarrassedly. “You shouldn’t be ashamed of that. Fear can keep you alive in a situation of danger.”, Yoriichi tells her. “Och, Yoriichi, don’t always be so serious! What danger?”, Suyako dismisses his comment. It makes y/n smile, however. She notices how he always says things to make her feel better when she’s embarrassed or uncomfortable.

“So, how did (y/s/n) behave while we’re gone? Anything other than fine will earn him a serious whopping at home.”, (y/n) changes the topic. “Oh, your boy is so well behaved!”, Suyako gushes. “Sometimes we had trouble understanding him but all in all it was great having him around.”, Sumiyoshi adds. Y/n nods contently and turns to her son. “Did you have fun?”, she asks the boy. The kid nods excitedly. Yoriichi pats his head and the boy puts his head onto Yoriichi’s chest. The Kamados laugh heartedly at that.

After tea, the Tsugikunis start their way home. Way too late, for Yoriichi’s taste. The sun is already starting to set. “Stay close together.”, he tells (y/n) and her son. (Y/s/n) immediately grabs Yoriichi’s hand. (Y/n) laughs at that. “Good idea, buddy!”, she tells him and quickly grabs Yoriichi’s other hand. “Now, we can’t get lost in the dark!”, she says and nudges Yoriichi. Yoriichi blushes but presses her hand.

They manage to get home before it gets too dark to see the path in front of them. (Y/n) whips up a quick dinner of fried eggs and bread. By the time they finished the dishes, (y/s/n) could barely keep his eyes open. They quickly get ready for bed and (y/s/n) is gone before his head hits the pillow. “He must have really worn himself out with the other kids.”, (y/n) says while letting out a huge yawn. Yoriichi and her settle into their respective futons as well.

“I don’t know about you but I’m glad we went on this trip.”, she tells him. Yoriichi silently agrees to that. “Can we do it again someday?”, (y/n) asks, “Maybe bring (y/s/n) along?”. “Of course,” Yoriichi agrees, “But maybe let’s not take him to the caves.” (Y/n) laughs sleepily at that. “You’re a good father.”, she mumbles halfway into dreamland. Yoriichi blushes when he hears that. He didn’t plan on becoming a father figure to (y/s/n) but lately, he has started to feel more and more like it. It makes him proud that (y/n) thinks of him as a good father. “You’re a good mother too.”, he replies, “No matter how or why you’ve adopted him.” “Hmm…”, (y/n) hums and mumbles: “We’re good at parenting together.”. Yoriichi turns to her and sees how her eyes are already closed and her breath starts to slow down. He carefully reaches out to her and strokes her cheek. (Y/n) turns over in her sleep and puts her hand over Yoriichi’s. Slowly, he inches closer to her and presses a soft kiss on her forehead. “Sleep well, (y/n).”, he whispers, before settling back into his futon and let sleep take him away.

[magneticallyyours]

Yo The Matrix!! I just started rewatching them for the first time in well over a decade. Didn’t even know there is a fourth (although apparently they recast someone which I’m not too excited for but we’ll see). Anyways, might I request an Agent Smith x Redpill!Reader where Smith doesn’t think she smells rotten like the rest of the matrix and it’s human occupants so he tries to catch her so she can’t escape back to the real world? She finds him unique from the other Agents but ultimately won’t surrender her freedom. She also has a sense of humor and enjoys the thrill of their cat-and-mouse chases. You can make it somewhat angsty if you like. Please and thank you!

𝗘𝗻𝗷𝗼𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗦𝗶𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 || Agent Smith x Reader

Summary: You're supposed to run from the monster in horror games. Even in movies. Yet why is Mouse.. running towards it? Towards him. She knows she shouldn't, but she does it anyway. The antidote mustn't be intrigued by the virus. But he is. What happens when you make bad decisions? You get bad outcomes. Wordcount: 1.4k

cw: Angst

The feeling drove him crazy. 

If it even was a feeling, that is. He wanted to tell himself that it was not one. It didn’t click into place the first few instances. But the more he lingered, the more he dwelled on it… It became painfully apparent. Just like the rest of them, she had some sort of a moniker. That didn’t seem to matter to Smith, as she was always ‘Mouse’, as he named her. Befitting, for she really was such a pest. A nuisance. Yet one he didn’t want to be rid of. Oh, no. He liked the thrill. He reveled in it, in fact. In this zoo of nothingness, this was the one thing he could truly relish in. Did he like the chase or the inevitable end? He wasn’t sure. Human beings disgusted him. She shouldn’t be any different, but she was. Somehow. That in and of itself was surprising. Annoying quips, cocky smirks and those god-awful jokes. But then there was the other side of it all. Times when her eyes shone with uncertainty, when her heart was hammering. Just barely slipping from his grasp. Those moments were all he craved. The terror in those irises, overpowering every other emotion.The mere knowledge that he was the reason behind it.. He simply could not get enough. He had to have more. 

Meanwhile, Mouse was faced with a different, less apparent dilemma. Her whole self identity wasn’t in question like it was for the agent. It was a lingering thought in the back of her mind, sure. Maybe an underestimation, but we’ll stick with that. For now. The Agents were her– Humanity’s, she corrected herself— Enemy. But then she kept running into them. This would’ve been fine, if she didn’t start suspecting most of those were purposeful. She wasn’t crazy enough to want to run into the agents, yeah right. Okay, maybe a part of her thought she indeed was that crazy. Or knew. But it just couldn’t be. She liked her freedom, her independence. The agents were the exact opposite. Mouse almost forgot she was supposed to be eating amidst all this. Alas, she was brought back to reality by her teammates’ chatter. Same old grey, nutritional slop for lunch. How lovely. 

Days seemed to occur on repeat. Same conversations, slop. More slop. More fictional than The Matrix itself, she scoffed at the thought. After a long time of doing things around Zion, they finally had something meaningful to do. The crew, including her, were going to be freeing another unfortunate soul from the matrix. The task went smoothly, much to their collective surprise. Mouse wanted to stay back, if only for a moment. Just to breathe in nonexistent air. To look at the scenery. As if. Really, she was waiting for something to happen. Anything. Stopping to smell the roses? More like being idiotic. More like wanting to see the very person you’re supposed to be running from, again. Smith couldn’t believe it. The sheer level of overconfidence and arrogance she must have– All that didn’t seem to matter, as he was here now. Chasing after her, like he always was. And maybe, just maybe, as he always will be. This was either dumb luck or misfortune, and she couldn’t decide which.

The rush from the chase was.. Unparalleled, as she hoped. Her boots clicking against the asphalt as she turned into an alley were loud enough to block out even her judgemental, concerned inner voice. She couldn’t afford to think now, something she should have done before taking this decision. Her team was safe. It was just her, wasting time. Putting it like that, it stung. It’ll be okay, she reassured herself. The telephone was not far at all. Room 409. A cakewalk. Or atleast, it would’ve been. Until a gunshot rang out, just missing her and hitting- You guessed it- The phone, instead. The sound of her hopes shattering to pieces. The black pieces of the receiver lay on the floor. Silence. It registered, after so long, that it was just him. Just… Smith. And Silence. She was convinced she would meet the same fate as the telephone receiver, but apparently.. Not? He stood there, lips pressed into a thin line. She could see herself in the reflection of his dark glasses. He took a step closer, she took a step back. His gun was holstered, now. His deft fingers instead moved to the rims of his glasses, pulling it off swiftly and pocketing it. His blue irises were definitely something to write home about, but instead she scoffed. 

“You do realize I could shoot you at any time-?” A useless jab. An idiotic one. But she knew there was no outcome in this where she came out alive. Wasn’t this what she wanted? The corner of the agent’s lip twitched. “I’m well aware, Mouse.” Another step closer, she was backed into the wall by now. A fair bit of distance separated them, but it felt impossibly close, nonetheless. “But you and I both know that you won’t.” There was just enough light in the hotel to illuminate his features. But not quite. His pupils were dilated. Devoid of feeling? She could tell that her assumption was wrong. “And why’s that?” She half laughed. What else was there to do? “You brought this upon yourself. You waited… For me.” Her silence was his answer as he took his final step, observing her expression like you would a specimen on a microscope. 

“You… puzzle me, little mouse.” That wasn’t something she expected. That glint in his eyes that she couldn’t quite place- It kept her on the edge. Uncertain. Thrilled. Her brain couldn’t come up with a fitting descriptor. He continued to speak. It wasn’t a question, after all. This was hardly a conversation. “I’m going to be honest with you. I… Hate, this place. This zoo. Whatever you want to call it. I can’t stand it. I can’t stand your kind. Your virus of a kind.” He paused for a moment. His gaze commanded her attention. “It’s the smell. If there is such a thing.I feel saturated by it.” Smith’s hand tilted her face up by the chin, his every movement analytical. “I can taste their stink, and every time I do I feel I have been infected by it. It’s repulsive. But not you. You.. are different, mouse. An anomaly. One I should eradicate… But perhaps one I should observe.” Her heart was hammering against her ribcage as sweat dribbled down her temple. What was he saying? Smith’s other hand pressed against her, where her heart would be. “Panicking? I thought you were above this, mouse.” He tsked. “What did you ever hope to achieve, I wonder,” He mused, smoothing his thumb over her cheek, “By waiting for me? Tell me.” Words were hard to form. Smith asked her the one question she dreaded asking herself. Why.  

Her reply was as predictable as the rest of her kind. “I don’t know.” He clicked his tongue at that, shaking his head disapprovingly. “Oh, but I think you do know. That is precisely what fascinates me. You are… a contradiction to your very existence. Is it an obsession? Or are you– truly maniacal, going against the fight or flight instinct that’s been driving you since you came into being? Pathetic… Only human beings could act in such a manner.” Smith scoffed. She wasn’t sure what to say. Her lips parted in astonishment. Terror. A mix of it all. “Nothing to say..?” He hummed. “That’s quite alright.” The agent leaned in just the smallest bit closer, making her heart soar. So close to- “You’re not going anywhere, Mouse. Wherever you manage to run off to, I’ll find you. Why, you’ll come running straight back to me. All because..” 

His gun was pressed to her temple now, and she damn near screamed.

Click. His lips were on hers, robotic in nature. Not because he wanted to, she didn’t think… Because he could. He knew this would last in the back of her mind for a while. Because he knew her, somehow. And she… almost didn’t mind. That was the worst part. The gun to her temple served as a reminder that this was not some fairytale. This was the culmination of her horrible life choices. The moment could have gone on for what felt like forever. There was a faint ring originating from one of the adjacent rooms. Wait.. a ring?

“Ah. There’s someone on the phone for you, Miss (L/N).”

[pttucker]

"…Will I keep getting smaller?" I stared at the crumbs of Stories drifting away outside the windows and asked. "Where are those Stories going off to, anyway?" ⸢To uni ver se's sub con scious ness⸥ "And where is that?" ⸢In a wor ld-li ne y o u ar en't con sci ous of⸥ The role of the 'Oldest Dream' was to imagine all of the world-lines. Even if I wasn't conscious of it, my subconsciousness was still continuously watching the world-lines. ⸢Tho se Stories wi ll be reb orn as ano ther Kim Dok ja⸥ "As another Kim Dokja?" ⸢Me ta phor ica lly spea king its li ke th at⸥

⸢Kim Dokja stared into the universe with no visible end.⸥ And now, I knew what my future was like. Every time I read something, I'd crumble away. My crumbling Stories would scatter to countless world-lines out there and become the 'gaze' that maintained this universe. I would lose all of my memories, and lose everything that I hold dear. And in the end, only the desire to see the 'next story' would remain in me. But, without that desire, this universe couldn't continue. This universe could only continue telling its story as long as someone was looking at it.

Okay, we're totally talking about ORV itself here, right? And possibly us?

Like, Dokja is fading away, but he's saying that things will only be maintained if "someone" is looking at it. He doesn't specifically say "so long as I look at it."

And the Fourth Wall is being open and vague at the same time, saying that it's a worldline he's not conscious of despite him supposedly being part of every worldline?

So it's something he's subconsciously aware of, and the novel has really been having a lot of conversations that could be pointing towards ORV itself these last chapters, not to mention moments here and there throughout the entire novel, so he may be subconsciously aware of it already.

Just like I think he's subconsciously aware of the fact that something has gone wrong in his turn and that's why he got such a bad feeling about leaving the 0th turn. Not to mention we literally just saw Sooyoung and Joonghyuk discover the in between space that is ORV itself.

So I'm wondering if Dokja could drift back to 49% just like Sooyoung drifted back to her avatar/vice versa (who Dokja thinks died and doesn't seem to consciously know has returned to a whole) and the story could be maintained by us reading it? Or maybe he's going to be "reborn" as the Kim Dokja of ORV, starting the cycle all over, just like how Sooyoung writing TWSA started the cycle...

Repeating story! Repeating story! Repeating story!

Or, as Sooyoung would say, a Neverending Story.

Also, ughhhhh, I knew Dokja was going to take it all to heart. Even though Sooyoung tried so very hard to tell him that it's not his fault, he didn't cause all this tragedy, Dokja is totally going on about "atoning" for the story by becoming one with it and basically disintegrating himself. Which is nothing new, but it is sad that despite his long journey, in his heart, he's still that same Dokja that makes me want to cry and throw him into the cuddle pile.

Not to mention, him asking "If I forget about everything… I won't feel this pain anymore, right?" 😭😭😭

And then wanting to read TWSA just one more time, properly, on his smartphone, just like he did all those years ago. 😭😭😭

Oh, and I guess I misunderstood previously. Dokja must have been reading the afterward of the final revised version and that is why it was all about Sooyoung. Lmfao this is what I get for reading too quickly, trying to see what happens in the next part. It even said that when he opened it, it was scrolled down to the bottom. I just figured it was like...the epilogue or something and thought it was weird that the epilogue of TWSA was about Sooyoung. 😅

Veeerrryyyy interesting that the final revised version is the first version Dokja read. Everything in this novel is just one big circle.

[demonsocialworker]

After Midnight - Eddie Munson

A/N: college has been kicking my ass i should be going to sleep rn but whatever ig

female xreader/smut/set in season 5

Smut warning: unprotected sex, orgasm denial, begging

TWs: unprotected sex, kinda stalkerish

You stared at Eddie all day. In the halls, at lunch, and during the one class you had with him. Your best friend Melinda was getting tired of you watching him all day, "Oh my god, you're totally a stalker!" she said. She had caught you staring at him for the fourth time during lunch that day. "No, I'm not! I just think he's cute that's all." Melinda rolled her eyes as soon as the sentence got out of your mouth, "You're right. You think he's the cutest guy in the whole school but instead of asking him out, you decided to watch him all day. Definitely not stalkerish at all." She stood up and started to go bus her tray, then turned back around to face you, "What are you gonna start looking through his windows at night too?" After that last comment, she walked off to her next class. You sat at the lunch table thinking about what she said, it wouldn't be the craziest thing to do right? No. No! Absolutely not. You tried your hardest to push the thought out of your head and just get through the rest of the school day, knowing you wouldn't see him anymore after lunch.

The rest of the day crawled by, but eventually, the final bell rang. You walked out of school to find Melinda waiting for you outside. "So I have an article to write for the school paper, I have to turn it in tomorrow. Can you help me write it?" You thought for a minute before answering, "Sorry Mel, I actually have to study for that chem test we have next week." Melinda looked disappointed, "Damn okay, see you tomorrow." She waved goodbye as she walked off, and you started walking toward your house. You could've waited to study for the test, chemistry is one of your best subjects. You wondered why you lied, you've never lied to Melinda before. But as that thought slowly crept back into your head, you realized why.

Why were you here? In the trailer park after midnight, looking for Eddie's van to figure out which trailer was his? You spent the whole evening trying to talk yourself out of it, but after a while, you gave up. You snuck out of your bedroom window, still in your pajamas, and walked all the way to the trailer park. Now you were asking yourself if you should turn back around and go home, but you knew you wouldn't. You were halfway through the trailer park when you saw Eddie's van, parked in front of his trailer. There were lights on inside, now you really couldn't stop yourself, and you walked closer to the trailer. You walked closer to a window that had light coming through it, it was closer to the back of the trailer. As you got closer you saw a shadow walk into the room. You knew you could've stopped, turned around, and walked back home with nobody ever knowing you were here, but you didn't. As the shadow lay down on what you assumed was a bed, you got closer. You were right beside the window now, you decided to peek through the curtains, to see if the shadow was really him. You inched closer, trying to find a good angle to look through the curtains, then you finally saw him.

Eddie was laying on his bed. You stared at him for what felt like forever until you heard a soft creaking noise. You looked around you, thinking maybe someone was outside, and worrying that they saw you. You didn't see anyone so you turned back to Eddie, and thought it looked like he was shaking, then you realized where the creaking was coming from. It was Eddie's bed. You stared through the window watching Eddie jerk off, you were frozen. Now you finally wanted to go home and pretend this never happened, but when you turned and started to walk off you heard a, "What the FUCK", come from the window.

You turned back toward the window, Eddie had jumped out of his bed and was hurriedly pulling his pants on, and he was staring at you. The only thought you had now was to run, but Eddie had the same idea. You could hear him running through the trailer, but you were frozen again. When he crashed through the front door your feet finally started to work and you took off running as fast as you could, but it wasn't fast enough. You felt a hand grab the back of your tank top, "Y/N!" You didn't want to turn around to face him, so you put your head down and looked at the ground. "Y/N." Eddie breathed out, still out of breath from running. "Y/N look at me." You slowly turned around, but you kept your eyes on the ground. "Y/N? Dude, what the fu- get in the house." Eddie pulled you toward the trailer, still holding onto your tank top. He pushed you through the front door and closed it behind him. He stared at you, "Well?" You still hadn't looked up but could feel him staring at you. "Are you even gonna fucking look at me?" He reached his hand out to your face, and put two fingers under your chin, lifting your head up and forcing you to look at him. You felt tears welling up in your eyes as you met his gaze. "What. Were. You. Doing?" You opened your mouth to speak, but couldn't. "Were you watching me?" You nodded. "Why?" You tried to look at the floor again, but he forced your head back up. "I- I don't know. Mel joked about it and then I couldn't get it out of my head and-". "You really think I'll believe it was a fucking joke?" He looked away and scoffed, "Okay then. Let's go joke around then." He pulled his hand away from your chin and grabbed the back of your tank top again. He started pulling you towards his room.

"Eddie I'm sorry I really am-". "Sorry for a joke? Sit down." He pushed you onto the bed and stood in front of you. He unzipped his pants and pulled them off. "Eddie, what are you doing?" He pulled his boxers down, and his cock sprang out. "What? It's funny right?" He sat across from you on the bed and started stroking his cock. Your eyes were fixated on his dick, so he lifted your head up with his fingers again, "Uh-uh, keep looking at me." You started to feel the heat growing between your legs and squeezed your thighs together. Eddie's eyes moved down to your thighs then back up to your eyes. "Is this what you wanted to see baby?" You nodded your head. Eddie's hand moved from your chin to the hem of your tank top, "Why don't you take this off for me?" You pulled your tank top off and threw it onto the floor, leaving your breasts exposed. Eddie ran his hand over them, before pinching one of your nipples between his thumb and index finger. You tried to fight back a moan but Eddie noticed, "Let me hear you baby." You finally let out the moan you were holding in as Eddie used his other hand to pull at the waistband of your shorts. He let go of your nipple and moved his hand up to your throat. "Take these shorts off for me too." You reached down to your shorts and started to pull them off as Eddie helped you, leaving you in nothing but your panties. Eddie moved his eyes up and down your body, drinking in the image of you. "Jesus..." he mumbled. He used the hand around your throat to pull you onto his lap, and moved both of his hands down your body to your hips.

He moved his eyes from your body up to your eyes, he took one hand off of your hip and tangled it into your hair. He pulled your head toward his, closing the space between you with a kiss. It started out gently, but soon turned aggressive when you decided to give into the feeling that had been growing between your legs since he pulled you into his room. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled yourself even closer to his body. Eddie tightened the grip he had on your hips, returning the kiss. He pulled away and flipped you onto your back, he ripped off your panties and threw them onto the floor. He positioned himself between your legs and looked back up into your eyes, "Are you ready?" You nodded yes, and without warning, he slammed his hips into yours. You cried out, even though you had seen his cock minutes before you still weren't prepared for just how big he was. "Shhhh, it's okay" he cooed at you. He was still for a moment, letting you adjust to his size. When you felt like your walls adjusted you looked up at him in want, and he started to thrust into you. His thrusts were fast and aggressive, and you found yourself grabbing onto his arms to ground yourself. Eddie groaned your name, "Shit, you feel so good." You moaned back in response, closing your eyes and reveling in how good he was making you feel. Eddie began thrusting deeper, hitting your cervix and making you moan louder than you had before. "Oh, you like that huh?" You opened your eyes again, "F-fuck yes right there Eddie, please" you begged as you wrapped your legs around him. He smirked as he started abusing your cervix, hitting it with every thrust. "S-shit Eddie I'm close" you managed to say between moans. "Not yet baby, hold it in for me." You tried to do as he said, but as the minutes passed it was getting harder and harder. "Eddie please, I can't-", he thrust straight into your cervix before you could finish your sentence. "You're gonna hold it in until I say so. Okay?" But you knew you couldn't keep holding back, "Please Eddie I really can't, please let me cum." He smirked as he started to unwrap your legs from around him and put them in the air, "Oh you want to cum so bad you're gonna beg for it hm?" You felt your face heat up at the thought of begging Eddie. "Please let me cum Eddie, I can't hold it back. I'll do anything if you let me cum." After hearing you beg Eddie's thrusts started getting faster and sloppier, and you knew he was close. "Fuck- fuck cum for me, baby." You finally released your pent-up orgasm, as Eddie pulled out of you and shot his cum onto your stomach. "Holy shit", Eddie panted out after he finished. He laid down beside you and put his arm under your head for you to lie on. "So... Hell of a joke right?" you said as you looked up to see Eddie's face. A grin broke out across his face, "Hellll of a joke." he said, as he planted a kiss onto the top of your head. You started thinking about how stupid you thought you were as you stood outside Eddie's window earlier. Eddie's soft snoring snapped you out of your train of thought. You smiled and cuddled into his chest, his arm moved farther around you and pulled you closer to him. You listened to his snoring and replayed what had just happened until you finally drifted off.

[feuqueerfire]

GMMTV 2024 Part 2 Showcase

GMMTV 2024 Part 1 Reaction

April 23, 2024

When I watched Part 1 I was barely into series and watched certain trailers that I thought might be interesting but this time I'm planning on watching it live and am so into watching shows again.

The actors I'm actively following right now are Fourth and Gemini, along with some Phuwin (and by extension PondPhuwin) but none of them are getting ship work. So I'm mostly just gonna be there for the stories and concepts we get (though I'm curious about the GemPrim series and what Fourth is gonna be in). I hope I'm really excited by some concept (like The Warp Effect) or a cast/ship (like a surprise one).

Anticipation Ranking:

My Top 3:

The Heart Killers (BL) [omg KhaoFirst (and Joongdunk) in a show directed by Jojo where they commit crimes and possibly are there for nefarious reasons etc]

The Ex-Morning (BL) [KristSingto + exes-to-lovers ahhhhh]

US (GL) [it seems so moody and angsty and I love Emi's face]

Okay I lied it's Top 4:

Thame-Po (BL) [love a celebrity/idol romance and the trailer is so good and also I'm suddenly invested in William/Est]

Interested, will watch if it turns out well:

Hide & Sis (ensemble, women-focus, by Snap25, dark)

Revamp (BL) [hope they do the supernatural aspect well]

The Dark Dice (ensemble) [Alice in Wonderland vibes, hope it's done well]

Only if they get glowing reviews:

Ossan's Love TH (BL)

Friendshit Forever (messy - 2 pairs)

Break-Up Service

Sweet Tooth, Good Dentist (BL)

Not Really Interested:

Leap Day

Perfect 10 Liners (BL)

Scarlet Heart TH

Trailer-by-trailer thoughts below the cut.

Ended up waking up at 5:30am while the live started at 6:20am and the first trailer released at 6:35am lol

It’s fine tho bc my semester is over, i was afraid it’d happen before im done my exam or worse, on exam day.

Oh, Yfind project which looks for plots for novels and series? and some fandom name in Thailand?

Title: Ossan’s Life trailer

Pair: Earth/Mix

Did I know about this? Yes

Thoughts: omg? I didn’t realize Earth is the one who’s being pursued by Mix and the boss character, I thought it’d be Mix! this is fun. oh, putting on someone’s shoe scene. I finally know what the show is about because of The Conversation Podcast’s episode on it yesterday and this seems in line with the Japanese version. Very comedic, so we’ll see how it goes.

Title: Leap Day

Pair: Dew/Pahn, Pond & Gun

Did I know about this? No

Thoughts: Could be interesting but I’m not super into it yet because it doesn’t seem super developed yet beyond the concept of “people around them die.”

Title: The Heart Killers

Pair: Khao/First, Joong/Dunk

Did I know about this? Yes, specifically some sort of KhaoFirst series directed by Joni

Thoughts: I’M SO EXCITED! I was watching the whole trailer while intrigued and giggling. It’s definitely something I want from KhaoFirst, something a little risqué and has some actual plot while it’s different from anything JoongDunk have done so far, so i’d be curious to see how it goes. I hope the actual plot ends up good ahh. I’ll try not to get too attached to the mock trailer bc things will probably be different but I really like it. The song was covered in My School President but the vibe is different here.

After Rewatch: I definitely understood more after the rewatch because on my first watch I was so excited that I definitely missed some scenes and dialogue there loll I'm soooo excited for criminal killer brothers Khao and Joong, tattooist First who is trying to get dirt on them to clear his own car debt record, and Dunk who has been unleashed upon Joong to distract him from KhaoFirst in exchange for a car. KhaoFirst were my pull when I first watched it and they still are because I fucking love to see them on screen but I definitely got the JoongDunk thing more in this watch. Love to see Dunk be wild (kissing Joong when he's threatening him etc) and bold and actually take action this time while Joong is the one who is evasive, a different dynamic than their usuals. I... will try to enjoy this one regardless of plot to be honest lol because people were like meh on the Only Friends storyline. I think it'll help knowing that it's a Romcom with a side of drama rather than an assassin/crime plot with side of romance. I'm also not looking forward to KhaoFirst and JoongDunk's fandoms possibly fighting based on like screentime/acting prowess/"better treatment" and favouritsm/etc. but hopefully it'll turn out okay. I actually don't mind that KhaoFirst got a 2-pair main lead instead of a solo pair show because the pairs seem very connected with each other. Seems like it's inspired by Taming of the Shrew and 10 Things I Hate About You rather than a novel. I wonder if I should watch 10TIHAY just to see what references and such they put in.

A few hours later and I just watched 10 Things I Hate About You lol I get the "date my older brother so that we can date" thing now. I suppose Dunk's character is the "wild" character who can handle his brother Joong's character.

Title: Friendshit Forever

Pair: messy

Did I know about this? No

Thoughts: Mook and Pat and New and Boun. It Could be good but idk if i’ll watch it. Pat playing a character who is a shitty friend, a la PSIHY. Title reminds me of Dead Friend Forever. I will say the best part of the trailer was the first few seconds when I was wondering if we’d get a Pat/Mook GL.

Title: Perfect 10 Liners

Pair: Force/Book, Perth/Chimon, girl too many

Did I know about this? No

Thoughts: It could be good but I don’t care about any of the actors or pairings in this. PerthChimon were the most intriguing in this though, I liked the parallel on”Are you dating anyone?” Directed by New Siwat, yeah dunno about this one tbh. bruh so many people on stage, were they all actually there in the trailer? There are a bunch of side BL couples in addition to the main 3? crazy fr. and they couldn’t throw in a side GL either?

Apparently this is gonna be 30 eps with 10 eps each of ForceBook, MarkJunior, and PerthChimon... gonna take months and months to air fr, meaning stuff could have to wait while this show keeps airing... agh. or maybe this could prevent another rerun so who knows.

Title: Us

Pair: gorgeous girls who i don’t know the names of. Emi/Bonnie

Did I know about this? I knew about a possible Emi/Bonnie GL but I didn’t know who they were. hm Us, did we expect this novel as well, I vaguely remember having seen this novel rumored to be a series.

Thoughts: GL? These GLs being about your brother/sister’s girlfriends. omg she’s the one pairing the postcards? ahhh GL KISS IN TRAILER! Oh I’m excited and also love the short haired girl’s face sooooo much. Another melodramatic GL a la Pluto, I’m looking forward to it! Is this by the same author as GAP/Pluto/Blank? People always mention how problematic her novels are and somebody mentioned they don’t like the source material for this show either but I love a little problematic romance, so we shall see. Fon is the director.

After Rewatch: Went to MDL to double-check that the girl with cropped hair is Emi (she is! beautiful!) and the rights to this were brought like 2 years ago or what? Over a year ago at least since the comments have been waiting for announcement since then. Dang the acquirement rumour was on r/GMMTV back in February last year, so I probably saw it back then. The plot is quite straightforward, seems like it's focused way more on interpersonal relationships. Love the moody, indie nature of the angsty scenes but then they're so charming and bright when they're like happy and together! Also very happy to see like passionate kissing and romantic physical affection between the women even in the trailer, I'm hoping they have great romantic chemistry in the show. Doubt we'll get this one before 2025 though since it's directed by P'Fon and she's directing High School Frenemy right now and also has Scarlet Heart TH to do. I doubt GMMTV would air 3 GLs in a year already lol, so I'm hoping at least Pluto comes out this year and US is one of the first things out last year at the latest.

Title: Hide & Sis

Pair: ensemble and messy, focused on sisters

Did I know about this? No

Thoughts: PSIHY flashbacks. Snap25 is in charge of this, which makes sense. Very vibey, eerie, hope it’s good. Focus on morally corrupt women and sisters yay. Pepper/Lookjun are dating IRL right? hehe cute

Title: Thame Po | Heart That Skips A Beat

Pair: Est/William

Did I know about this? That there is expected to be an EstWilliam

Thoughts: Oh, a BL? So many GMMTV people who I don’t know these days. Another idol BL similar to Only Boo but more mature ig? Is this EstWilliam? I’ve seen so many people excited for their BL but idk their faces lol. It’s a Parbdee project? Exciting. I like the vibes of it. I hope they do the celebrity/commoner aspect well, I like an idol romance in theory (and in fic lol) but I don't think I've yet watched one that I've enjoyed.

After Rewatch: I randomly started seeing Est and William posts start popping up on r/GMMTV a few weeks ago and then this master thread was created for it as well. I didn't know who they were (apparently a LYKN boy and a new GMMTV actor with side roles in the past) so I was just mildly curious but it's fun that this came true. When the trailer first started, I didn't know this guy was Est, so I was like oh nooo I don't wanna watch a show about not being able to find jobs and being a loser or something lol but seems like he finds his gig early enough into the show. The trailer is even better on the 2nd watch when I know what's going on lol. The background music really suits it, it stood out to be during the first watch as well. The trailer is 4 minutes and seems fairly fleshed out, I wonder... if we can hope that it's one of the first ones to film from the 2nd half? It's done by Parbdee who have a few projects this year but the director is Mui Aticha who doesn't have anything else lined up for the year since Beauty Newbie? So maybe she can work on this soon? Crazy resume though, The Gifted, F4, Girl From Nowhere, etc. I wonder how she'll do with this one though since it's a more grounded romance like Beauty Newbie (which didn't receive good feedback rip).

Thame is William and Po is Est and from the characters + how people referred to them during the conference after the trailer, seems like they're going for WilliamEst? Interesting because everybody on the subreddit was just reading calling them EstWilliam lol I enjoy them switching it up a bit to play with expectations and cast based on the characters rather than which order people think the people themselves should be. WilliamEstWilliam would've been fun too. The next day and Est has posted pictures with #WilliamEst. Funny to have William-Williamer-Williamest.

I hope the mood and vibe of it being calmer and romantic and the drama from the celebrity idol life remains true, I don't want it to become more light-hearted and comedic, nor do I want it to become Extra Angsty or anything.

Also, it's such a fascinating yet baffling choice to me to have LYKN star as Mars. You're going to have your own boy group act as the group that's getting broken up by their company and who some company exec calls "losers" except the one guy who's gonna debut in Korea? And also, it's gonna show how not being able to date or come out sucks but it's not like GMMTV is gonna change that for LYKN like group, only for Mars the fictional band in the show lol. and fans wouldn't like it if William has a partner other than Est either. hilarious idk

Side note but every time I think of the title Thame-Po, I think of the song Thaam Lo even though the pronunciation isn't the same.

WilliamEst ship: Okay it's the night of the 24th, so it's been like a day but I'm quite into the ship itself idkkk man, I get why people on the gmmtv sub were going crazy about them for the past month. The thing is they're like so shy on stage when talking about the show omg, I enjoy seeing a ship being shy and unsure when first introduced to the public and they haven't quite figured out how to work everything out yet, it's cute. I also have learned that William is a 05 liner while Est is 01 and I need them to have the same age gap in the show pleaseee, I love a younger pursuer character for real. I know Thame calls Po Phi in the trailer though, so we know William plays a younger character at least

Title: Break-Up Service

Pair: Off/Jorin

Did I know about this? No

Thoughts: Fun concept, I’ll wait to hear if it’s good before I watch.

Title: Revamp: The Undead Story

Pair: Boun/Prem

Did I know about this? Yes

Thoughts: Ah, trailer for the BounPrem vampire story and it seems more serious and sinister than the campy nature of the other vampire BL: Golden Blood. Kinda reminds me of Midnight Museum actually. It looks good, I’ll probably give it a watch.

Title: Sweet Tooth, Good Dentist

Pair: Mark/Ohm

Did I know about this? Yes (Mark was hinting at it)

Thoughts: Two BLs back to back? Uni BL with dentistry student Mark based on Jittitain novel. It’s not super intriguing based on the more exciting stories but I need a good easy-watching, cute, uni BL once in a while in between he heavier hits. So this could be that. The trailer just seems long-winded

Title: The Dark Dice

Pair: Gemini/Prim

Did I know about this? Yes

Thoughts: Ohh kinda reminds me of The Gifted and the trailer for Enigma. A high school show about them trapped in some game. Wish there were more girls in the cast though. Less romantic than I thought. I hope it’s good and not like Homeschool which has a Very Good trailer but didn’t get good reviews.

Title: The Ex-Morning

Pair: Krist/Singto

Did I know about this? Yes, KS were shooting mock trailer with P’Lit

Thoughts: girl I was already like hehe KristSingto as expected BUT THEY ATE EXES!!!!! I love exes-to-lovers and it’s kinda funny since it parallels their ship work. huhhh wtf was that random ass car accident? hah I’m excited for this too. We knew the director is P’Lit who directed SOTUS.

After Rewatch: I thought it parallels KS's journey of Singto leaving GMMTV then him coming back and doing a BL with Krist again (kinda of exes-to-lovers if you squint) while the guy-fucks-up-and-is-crucified-on-the-internet could be parallel Krist's journey and turns out P'Aof wrote the script based on Krist Singto themselves, that's wild. The university days drinking pink milk really gives me a visceral reaction. I LOVE the look on Krist's face when he looks back at Singto in the towel and then quickly turns have his face like O.O it's very cute, I giggled the first time too. They seem to show stuff toward the end like with Krist winning the award again and Singto deciding to leave and also this random ass accident (seems like people are trying to kill Krist? What with the random motorcycle guy as well). I don't tend to like too much info in a trailer (over 4 minutes?!) but maybe if it means that we'll get it as one of the earlier part 2 shows because the script is written, I'll take it. I don't know if that's the case though because Aof is overseeing/scriptwriting and he's a busy man (though Director Lit doesn't have other shows I don't think)

Title: Scarlet Heart Thailand

Pair: Tu and ?Win?

Did I know about this? no

Thoughts: Not really a trailer, as they sometimes arent with these remakes. Scot’s are all pretty big hitters, especially Tu and Win, along with some people I’m looking forward to like Fourth, Phuwin, Tay, Nanon. Directed by Fon. I don’t know what this show is about at all though.

Expectations: based on rumours I've seen mostly

GemPrim: Yes

KhaoFirst: Yes

MarkOhm: Yes

EstWilliam: Yes

KristSingto: Yes

a GL: Yes

BounPrem and Wabi Sabi updates: Yes

I'm hoping for a large ensemble cast show centering women (PSIHY and Ploy’s Yearbook to a lesser extent, both by Snap25) or some mystery/sff (Homeschool, Gifted): Yes

My expectations were basic and based on some very well-believed rumours, so I'm not surprised they're correct.

Actor Attendance

Observations:

Interesting to go from watching The Warp Effect where I knew pretty much everybody to these trailers where there are so many people whom I don’t know, including main actors for BLs and GLs (Est/William, Emi/Bonnie). Good chance to get to know them if the shows turn out well though!

On that note, it's always interesting when they choose completely new ships to be the main couple of a show, again like Us and Thame-Po. This also means a lot of the familiar main or side BL couples are in ensemble shows like Perfect 10 Liners (there were so many people in that, I couldn't even keep track of them all).

High School: 1

University: 2

Non-School: 10 (or 11 with Ossan's Love)

Very few school shows comparatively, just 3/13, less than a quarter. That's exciting, I'm especially glad that being out of school doesn't just mean office worker shows lol

The puns never end: Friendshit, Revamped, Hide & Sis, Thame-Po (Tempo - 50% pun), The Ex-Morning. Hilarious that there are more shows with puns in their names than school shows.

Overall:

More shows grabbed my interest in this round I think. It seems like a more somber/serious set of trailers than part 1, which is cool.

Also, most of the trailers seem well-made, not necessarily in terms of story because they don't have full plots and stories yet, but in terms of production/quality.

I just hope the scriptwriting for these shows are strong, especially because they're dealing with interesting concepts like idol romance and exes-to-lovers. The concepts are soooo good but bad screenwriting or a story that doesn't deal with the interesting aspects can make the show fall flat.

I'm also glad that there is a mix of old ships, new ships, and totally new faces for these BLs and GL Like we have shows with established main pairs like KhaoFirst-Joongdunk and Forcebook-PerthChimon in ensemble shows, we have interesting situations like KristSingto which is a returning main couple and BounPrem which is an old series but revamped ;) for their GMMTV debut, but then we have a ship like MarkOhm where Mark has been in multiple shows and ships but he's leading in a series with somebody completely different. Then we have Emi-Bonnie and WilliamEst who are new faces as GMMTV leads and their ships are completely brand new.

In Part 1, it was similar in that we had stuff like main roles for existing ships with OffGun - The Trainee and GeminiFourth - My Love Mix-Up, ensemble with existing ships (We Are - PondPhuwin etc), had existing actors in new ships like OhmLeng in Kidnap or JossGawin in My Golden Blood, we had new ships like GreatInn in Wandee Goodday,

All in all, a good part 2, I'm glad I watched it live, it was exciting and I'm looking forward to these shows (though I'm not holding my breath though lol because part 1 shows still gotta be released). I really like these showcases and I'm kinda glad that now it's split into 2 because I get a new one every 6-7 months instead of once a year haha

Actually no my main gripe: Where are all the women? Us, Hide & Sis, and Friendshit Forever seem to be the only shows that focus on more than one woman and the BLs basically have no women, or possibly 1 female side character. Why can't they have side GL pairings or multiple women in the same show, truly what the heck? I hope that more women are cast in the shows as they start writing scripts and such, like a side GL in Us or a side GL in Perfect 10 Liners among all the BL pairs.

[blueeyesfilledwithpassion]

HI REN 🎶

By Artist Ren.

Hi there Ren  Its been a little while,  Did you miss me?  You thought you'd buried me, didn't you? Risky...  Because I always come back  Deep down you know that...  Deep down you know I'm always in periphery  Ren aren't you pleased to see me?  It's been weeks since we spoke bro, you know you need me  You're the sheep, I'm the shepherd  Not your place to lead me  Not your place to be biting off the hand that feeds me

Hi Ren  I've been taking some time to be distant  I've been taking some time to be still  I've been taking some time to be by myself  Since my therapist told me I'm ill  I've been making some progress lately,  And I've learnt some new coping skills  So I haven't really needed you much man  I think we need to just step back and chill

Ren, you sound more insane than I do  You think that those doctors are really there to guide you?  Been through this a million times  Your civilian mind is so perfect at always being lied to  Okay, take another pill boy  Drown yourself in the sound of white noise  Follow this 10 step program, rejoice!  All your problems will be gone! Fucking dumb boy

Nah mate, this time it's different man trust me  I feel like things might be falling in place  And my music's been kinda doing bits too  Like I actually might do something great  And when I'm gone maybe I'll be remembered  For doing something special with myself  That's why I don't think that we should talk man  Cause when your with me it never seems to help

You think that you can amputate me?  I am you, you are me, you are I, I am we  We are one, split in two that makes one so you see  You got to kill you if you wanna kill me.  I'm not left over dinner, I'm not scraps on the side,  Oh your music is thriving? Delusional guy!  Where's your top ten hit? Where's your interview with Oprah?  Where are your grammies Ren?  Nowhere!

Yeah but, my music's not commercial like that  I never chased numbers, statistics or stats  I Never write hooks for the radio, they never even play me  So why would I concern myself with that?  But my music is really connecting,  And the people who find it respect it,  And for me that's enough 'cause this life's been tough  So it gives me a purpose I can rest in

Man you sound so pretentious!  Ren your music is so self centred,  No one wants to hear another song about  How much you hate yourself... trust me  You should be so lucky having me inside you to guide you,  Remind you to manage expectations,  Provide you perspective, that thing you neglected, I get it  You wana be a big deal... Next jimi hendrix? forget it

Man it's not like that

Man it's just like that I'm inside you you twat

Nah it's not man your wrong, when I write I belong

Let me break the fourth wall by acknowledging this song  Ren sits down,  Has a stroke of genius,  He wants to write a song that was not done previous  A battle with his subconscious...  Eminem did it

Played on guitar

Plan B did it  Man your not original you criminal, rip off artist,  The pinnacle of your success is stealing other people's material  Ren mate we've heard it all before  Ohh "she sell sea shells on the sea shore"

Fuck you I don't need you, I don't need to hear this,  Cause I'm fine by myself, I'm a genius!  And I will be great, and I will make waves  And I'll shake up the whole world beneath us

That's right speak your truth,  Your fucking god complex leaks out of you  It's refreshing to actually hear you say it!  In stead of down play it...  "Oh the music Is all about the creative process  And if people can find something to relate to  Within that then that's just a bonus"

Fuck you ima fucking kill you Ren

Well fucking kill me then  Let's fucking have you Ren

I'm a do it, watch me prove it, who are you to doubt my music?  'Cause I call the shots I choose if you die  Yeah I call the shots and so i who choose who survives  I'll tie you up in knots then I'll lock you inside

News flash...  I was created at the dawn of creation,  I am temptation  I am the snake in Eden,  I am the reason for treason  Beheading all Kings,  I am sin with no rhyme or reason,  Sun of the morning, Lucifer,  Antichrist, father of lies,  Mestophilies,  Truth in a blender,  Deceitful pretender,  The Banished avenger,  The righteous surrender  When standing in-front of my solar eclipse,  My name it is stitched to your lips so see  I won't bow to the will of a mortal, feeble and normal  You wana kill me? I'm enteral, immortal  I live in every decision that catalysed chaos  That causes division  I live inside death, the beginning of ends  I am you, you are me, I am you Ren

Hi Ren... I've been taking some time to be distant,  I've been taking some time to be still  I've been taking some time to be by myself  And I've spent half my life ill  But just as sure as the tide start turning  Just as sure as the night has dawn  Just as sure as rain fall soon runs dry  When you stand in the eye of the storm

I was made to be tested and twisted  I was made to be broken and beat  And you know me my will is eternal  And you know me you've met Me before  Face to with a beast I will rise from the east  And I'll settle on the ocean floor  And I go by many names also  Some people know me as hope  Some people know me as the voice that you hear  When u loosen the noose on the rope  And you know how I know how I know that I'll prosper?  Because I stand here beside you today  I have stood in the flames that cremated my brain  And I didn't once flinch or shake  So cower at the man I've become  When I sing from the top of my lungs  That I won't retire I'll stand in your fire  Inspire the weak to be strong  And when I am gone I will rise  In the music that I left behind  Ferocious persistent, immortal like you  We're a coin with two different sides

[thedragonscratch]

Hi there Ren, it's been a little while, did you miss me?

You thought you'd buried me, didn't you? Risky

'Cause I always come back, deep down, you know that

Deep down, you know I'm always in the periphery

Ren, aren't you pleased to see me?

It's been weeks since we spoke bro, I know you need me

You're the sheep, I'm the shepherd, not your place to lead me

Not your place to be biting off the hand that feeds me

Hi Ren, I've been taking some time to be distant

I've been taking some time to be still

I've been taking some time to be by myself

Since my therapist told me I'm ill

And I've been making some progress lately

And I've learnt some new coping skills

So I haven't really needed you much, man

I think we need to just step back and chill

Ren, you sound more insane than I do

You think that those doctors are really there to guide you?

You've been through this a million times

Your civilian mind is so perfect at always being lied to

Okay, take another pill boy

Drown yourself in the sound of white noise

Follow this ten-step program, rejoice

All your problems will be gone! Fuckin' dumb boy

Nah, mate, this time it's different, man, trust me

I feel like things might be falling in place

And my music's been kinda doing bits too

Like I actually might do something great

And when I'm gone, maybe I'll be remembered

For doing something special with myself

That's why I don't think that we should talk, man

'Cause when you're with me, it never seems to help

You think that you can amputate me?

I am you, you are me, you are I, I am we

We are one, split in two that makes one, so you see

You got to kill you if you wanna kill me

I'm not left over dinner, I'm not scraps on the side

Oh, your music is thriving? Delusional guy

Where's your top ten hit? Where's your interview with Oprah?

Where are your Grammies, Ren? Nowhere!

Yeah but, my music's not commercial like that

I never chased numbers, statistics or stats

I never write hooks for the radio, they never even play me

So why would I concern myself with that?

But my music is really connecting

And the people who find it, respect it

And for me, that's enough 'cause this life's been tough

So it gives me a purpose I can rest in

Man, you sound so pretentious

Ren, your music is so self-centred

No one wants to hear another song about

How much you hate yourself, trust me

You should be so lucky, having me inside you to guide you

Remind you to manage expectations

Provide you perspective, that thing you neglected, I get it

You wanna be a big deal, next Jimi Hendrix? Forget it

Man, it's not like that

Man it's just like that, I'm inside you, you twat

No, it's not man, you're wrong, when I write, I belong

Let me break the fourth wall by acknowledging this song

Ren sits down, has a stroke of genius

He wants to write a song that was not done previous

A battle with his subconscious, Eminem did it

Played on guitar, Plan B did it

Man, you're not original, you criminal, rip-off artist

The pinnacle of your success is stealing other people's material

Ren, mate, we've heard it all before

Uh, "she sells seashells on the sea shore"

Fuck you, I don't need you, I don't need to hear this

'Cause I'm fine by myself, I'ma genius

And I will be great, and I will make waves

And I'll shake up the whole world beneath us

That's right, speak your truth, your fuckin' God complex leaks out of you

It's refreshing to actually hear you say it instead of downplay it

"Ugh, music Is all about the creative process and if people can find

Something to relate to within that, then that's just a bonus"

Fuck you, I'ma fuckin' kill you, Ren

Well fuckin' kill me then, let's fuckin' have you Ren

I'm a do it, watch me prove it, who are you to doubt my music?

'Cause I call the shots. I choose if you die

Yeah, I call the shots, and so I who choose who survives

I'll tie you up in knots when I'll lock you inside

News flash

I was created at the dawn of creation

I am temptation, I am the snake in Eden

I am the reason for treason, beheading all Kings

I am sin with no rhyme or reason

Sun of the morning, Lucifer, antichrist

Father of lies, Mestophilies

Truth in a blender, deceitful pretender

The banished avenger, the righteous surrender

When standing in-front of my solar eclipse

My name it is stitched to your lips, so, you see

I won't bow to the will of a mortal, feeble and normal

You wanna kill me? I'm enteral, immortal

I live in every decision that catalysed chaos

That causes division

I live inside death, the beginning of ends

I am you, you are me, I am you, Ren

Hi Ren, I've been taking some time to be distant

I've been taking some time to be still

I've been taking some time to be by myself

And I've spent half my life ill

But just as sure as the tide starts turning

Just as sure as the night has dawn

Just as sure as rainfall soon runs dry

When you stand in an eye of the storm

I was made to be tested and twisted

I was made to be broken and beat

I was made by His hand, it's all part of His plan

That I stand on my own two feet

And you know me, my will is eternal

And you know me, you've met me before

Face to with a beast, I will rise from the east

And I'll settle on the ocean floor

And I go by many names also

Some people know me as "hope"

Some people know me as the voice that you hear

When you loosen the noose on the rope

And you know how I know how I know that I'll prosper?

'Cause I stand here beside you today

I have stood in the flames that cremated my brain

And I didn't once flinch or shake

So cower at the man I've become, when I sing from the top of my lungs

That I won't retire, I'll stand in your fire, inspire the weak to be strong

And when I am gone, I will rise, in the music that I left behind

Ferocious persistent, immortal like you, we're a coin with two different sides

When I was 17 years old, I shouted out into an empty room

Into a blank canvas, that I would defeat the forces of evil

And for the next 10 years of my life, I suffered the consequences

With autoimmunity, illness, and psychosis

As I got older, I realised that there were no real winners

And there were no real losers in physiological warfare

But there were victims and there were students

It wasn't David versus Goliath, it was a pendulum

Eternally swayin' from the dark to the light

And the more intensely that the light shone, the darker the shadow it cast

It was never really a battle for me to win, it was an eternal dance

And like a dance, the more rigid I became, the harder it got

The more I cursed my clumsy footsteps, the more I struggled

So I got older and I learned to relax

And I learned to soften and that dance got easier

It is this eternal dance that separates human beings

From angels, from demons, from gods

And I must not forget, we must not forget

That we are human beings

[lucindarobinsonvevo]

bestie, i need to know where your mind is at when it comes to this whole thing with leo and how you're rotating your mind :))

i've got a lot of thoughts of my own on this, namely that leo told that weird story about trying to fly when he was a child at david's funeral and how out of place that speech actually was, his comments in the past about david being the golden child while he was treated as a monster, leo forgiving paul (he could be pretending but i don't think so) and only referencing david when he was talking about how much paul had hurt HIM and so much more...

but i need to know what you're thinking :)

its an random story to tell, especially when leo already told a way better story back in 2019 about how David always played handball even when he was like. shit at it or whatever. why not tell that story again? why tell this weird story about...you. To me, I would say it's because flight, and flying away are very typical metaphors for escape, and wanting to escape. perhaps on purpose or not, leo's vision of his childhood is just...one long wish to be somewhere else as louise glück once said. And David was the thing that kept him there, or that prevented his escape by telling him he can't really fly. Something like that, if i was a pretentious overanalyser. which I am.

I think part of it is that I've always been a bit obsessed with the idea of 'living with it'. And this is like the ultimate case of how do I live with this?

I mean, look. David sucked when he came back. He lied to leo's face and left him. He punished Leo for something he didn't have any part in and didn't even tell him why. He told Leo to his face he thinks he's dangerous for Krista. he's mopey and selfish. he makes Leo run interference on Paul without even telling him what he's angry at Paul about. How can you look at that and see Leo as anything other than second, third or fourth place in Davids life?

Then David is gone and Leo...Is okay, actually. Yes he's sad at first because that was his twin brother but when he waits for the real grief to come it just doesn't. He's relieved actually. He's not carrying David around like a weight around his ankles. He can breathe without having to worry about David's judgement. Everyone around him is deeply grieving but Leo...is okay. He's going to work. He's looking after his daughter. He's even going to visit his mother. I've mentioned before that I think he was lying when he said he was 'letting it all out' at his mothers house...Well what if that is because there's nothing TO let out? He comes home, and Paul is being nice to Krista now and Leo well...He still loves Paul. That hasn't changed. Forgiving Paul for what happened to David is easy when he's not that angry anymore. Because he realizes maybe the thing he was angry about is less about David and more that Paul was willing to put Krista in danger? This is all baseless speculation of course here's the real part I am fascinated by -

David died because he LOVED Leo. Now how the hell are you meant to live with that when you wake up one morning horrified to realize you're RELIEVED your brother died? Leo didn't ask David to die for him, he just did it and now Leo has to live with that. Doesn't that fascinate you? It fascinates me! David died and now Leo has to live with it. He has to live with carrying his dead brother up a mountain. He has to live with the 'david died to save leo' and he never asked David to so that. he's glad to not be dead of course but he never asked for this and now it's his life. Is it David's fault? Maybe. But Leo's still the one living with it. Oh the angst potential is delicious!

And on a side note. To talk briefly about Cameron because of course I am going to talk about the triplets. Cameron hated Robert, and I dont think Elle hates him but Neighbours has drawn a lot of parallels between Leo and Elle/Cameron but NOT Leo and Robert. that's kinda interesting, aint it?

[wafflebloggies]

17. where it lies

back - next The street running west from the bus depot was a long, drab six-lane road, quiet in the early morning, lined by flat concrete buildings set a way back behind crumbly walls and gravel lots. A deep drainage ditch ran most of the way down between the road and these orphaned businesses, clotted with grass so thick that if it wasn’t for a certain floating, swampy appearance to the green here and there it could easily have been mistaken for a very lush verge. It was an easy kind of road to drive, probably, eventless and easy to coast down on the way to somewhere else. It was not really a road meant for pedestrians. With its tiny cracked sidewalk, clearly an afterthought, and breaks every few metres for drive-ins and turnings, it was an awkward sort of road to find yourself walking along at any kind of speed. And Antonio had to walk fast, because Mark was walking faster. Generally, Antonio could have kept up with Mark at any pace, but there wasn’t a lot of room on the little strip of broken asphalt, and every time he tried to catch up enough to draw alongside, Mark picked up his pace, like a deliberately aggravating relative of Zeno’s tortoise. Concern that Mark would miss his footing and walk into the swamp, or simply pick the wrong time to step off a kerb and turn himself into road pizza, kept Antonio about five steps behind, more than a little alarmed, trying to make himself heard.

“Mark, I’m sorry about your phone!” he tried, for maybe the fourth time. A white-green semi roared by, throwing up mist and drizzle from its long spooling wall of tyres, and he had to wait until it passed to try again. “I’m sorry, I was only trying to- Mark that’s not a crossing-” He darted over the little side-road after Mark, picking up his feet to avoid getting clipped by a Toyota waiting to turn. The driver raised his hands at him in a frustrated pantomime behind the windshield. “See, even this guy gets it,” said Antonio, skirting the car’s front bumper and hurrying to catch up again. “Mark, listen, I’m sorry, I promise I won’t-” “I don’t care about the phone,” said Mark. Antonio could only judge the veracity of this statement from his sped-up sort of trudge, the hard rigid set of his shoulders inside the soft blue quilting of his jacket, the way his backpack was drawn too tight against his back by his arms set tight in the pockets, like a thing that had been assembled in store to only pose one way, ready to snap if you tried to make it bend. “Well, okay, but the- that video, Mark, can we-“ “I don’t want to talk about it,” said Mark. “It’s fine.” “I mean, it’s clearly not fine,” said Antonio, making a sort of wide panicky arm motion that encompassed the whole way they’d come, the bus depot a tiny grey clam-like lump somewhere in the far distance, the great empty stretch of road under the early sun. “You’re not fine, you’re- you’re mad! I can tell you’re mad, and- and this wasn’t the plan-“ “New plan,” said Mark. “-no, well, just, hold your horses, Mark, could- could you please just slow down and- talk to me? Come on, I- I thought we were over this.” “We are,” said Mark, to the horizon, or at least the closed-down steakhouse that was in the way of it. To his credit, although he was rather out-of-breath, to most people he would have sounded fairly calm, but Antonio knew him far too well to mix up Mark truly calm and Mark making a cold-blooded, conscious decision not to engage his emotions or his full attention, even if he couldn’t see his face. “We’re over anything we need to be over.” He was still going very fast. The next intersection had a long pothole-studded gravel trap instead of a kerb, and it just so happened that he stumbled and slowed a bit on the runoff when he came to the next turning, and therefore walked neatly behind the large Securicor truck as it thundered across, instead of straight under it. “Jiminy Christmas,” jittered Antonio, hopping on the spot as he waited to be able to cross and catch up. When he did, or at least got back to within raised-voice range, he said, “I’m just worried, Mark! I just want you to-” “What?” There was an edge to Mark’s voice now, something that might have been mockery if it hadn’t sounded so flat. “What do you want me to do? Smile? Turn that frown upside down?” “You know that’s not what I meant, Mark. Sometimes I feel like that’s the kind of thing you want me to say. Jeez, it’s like- it’s like you’re testing me or something.” Mark did look at him, then. His step faltered as if his legs had temporarily forgotten which order to go in, almost tripping him, and he stared back at Antonio like he’d just casually remarked that the Everglades had finally lost their patience with the planet and flipped back up into space. “If you were me,” he said, at last, “if you can imagine that.” He paused. “If you can imagine. If you were me, would you trust you?” Antonio had to unravel the various pieces of the question’s construction before finding an answer. There were at least less opportunities for Mark to turn himself into a statistic on this block, most of it being a wide fenced-off opening to what had once been a minigolf course. Attempts had been made to catch the attention of passing traffic, the most obvious remaining being a goofy concrete alien about ten feet high. It had probably looked pretty astonishing when the course had been open, when the CRAZY SPACE GOLF sign had been fresh and new, but time and neglect and the Florida heat had not been kind to it. The green-and-pink neon paint was holding on in shreds, and the stained rebar was poking through the concrete in places, giving the lumpy tentacles and clustering eyeballs a grim, zombie-ish look. “I mean... I trust you, Mark.” “I bet,” said Mark, drily. “Last time I checked I can’t tear fucking doors in half with my hands, why wouldn’t you trust me? What could I do to you?” “That’s- not really fair.” “I don’t have to be fair,” Mark snapped back, so quick he seemed to have been sitting on the response. “But you tell me, what’s fair, Antonio? Personally, I feel like fair is not blaming you for everything you did before you- before you’re telling me you ‘changed.’ See, I don’t get to know what that really means,” he said, taking a few incidental steps backwards, describing a vague shape in the air with the hand not wrapped in a death-grip around his backpack strap. “I just have to believe you’re not lying, and I’m a little short on belief, here. Have you got any idea how much I hated you?” “Eeegh,” said Antonio, sucking an unhappy little breath in his teeth. “Is, uh, is that a rhetorical-” “So, yeah, I’m being fair, and I’m testing you. Like how I took you to Dad’s place with me, because I thought watching me dig around and take all that stuff would upset you,” he said, with a clear and vicious emphasis, “if you were still just there to make sure I didn’t make trouble for them.” “What about the part where your new dad showed up and we pushed him off the balcony?” Mark looked away, across the empty yellow swathe of asphalt. The rain was getting a little harder, speckling the reflection of the road in his glasses with a fine blueish mist. “That... wasn’t part of the test.” “So- so when do you stop testing me, Mark? Because- because while you’re doing that, let’s just shelve that for a moment,” Antonio made a sort of cubing gesture, defining the limits of an invisible object between his hands, squaring it up neatly like a whole stack of Better Homes, “just tabling all that for a second here, if we can just have a little ol’ chat about all the stuff we’re doing now? I totally get it, and I get why it’s important to you, but- heh- I just- I’m not sure you know how much they...” It felt as if he was choosing all the wrong words, but the better ones were hiding. Antonio hesitated, swallowing another terminally nervous chuckle, finding himself suddenly way too far in to put on the brakes, with Mark’s eyes on him and his tongue withering in his mouth. He gathered his thoughts, or at least as many of them that he could drive into a corner. They kept getting away from him, scrambling everywhere like frightened sheep. The place he’d arrived at felt dangerous, heavy, needling in a way he didn’t fully understand. His guts felt tight, the bug drawing close, gripping like it was trying to hold him together. “I’m not sure you- I don’t think you understand, they really don’t like this kinda thing, Mark. They don’t like having their… they don’t like it when people…” He struggled. “I’m worried, if we go too far, I mean, if we don’t stop before… if…” “Stop what?” asked Mark. “Well, stop making them mad.” Yielding to a burst of nervous energy, Antonio grabbed a bunch of the front of his shirt in both hands and wiped his running nose and eye on it. “Stop poking that big ol’ bear so much, Mark. Be-” “How much,” said Mark. “Poking. Am I allowed. To do.” Antonio thought, not for the first time, that a person really should need to apply for some sort of license to use punctuation like Mark did, as if it was a deadly weapon. The next minute, he was too frightened to think anything at all, because Mark started walking backwards again, eyes fixed on him, and now with a sudden deliberate movement he had stuck out his thumb and was holding it out as he walked, aimed towards the road. “What are you doing, Mark?” Following again, quite slowly now, Antonio tried to smile, although it felt like the effort nearly tore something, just from the sheer resistance of his throbbing face and everything involved in the mechanism. “Is this another kind of test?” “Yeah,” said Mark. A few cars had passed without any signs of stopping, and he glanced to the road and stepped closer to the verge, for better visibility. “Sure. It’s the kind of test where I leave, and you don’t get to know where I’m going.” He kept walking. Antonio watched helplessly, fighting the urge to sprint forwards. It was hard enough for him to hold on to time and place, and his worry for Mark and his panic twisted the world, blurring it until he couldn’t be sure whether he was trying to keep pace with Mark on a long road under the rainy morning sky, or in a black twisting hallway where the ceiling gaped like a ruptured chest, if he was chasing after Mark or if Mark was trailing doggedly behind, or if there was no difference and they were trapped, chained to an unstoppable thing beyond both of them, a turning wheel crushing them both. Struggling to escape, going nowhere, dragging each other along or sitting side by side, his right shoulder to Mark’s left, meaningless cycles of motion and stillness, over and over and over and- The thought tripped him up, stopped him where nothing physical could have. Somewhere in his head he knew that he did not want to be trapped and he did not want Mark to be trapped, and although when he thought of Mark just picking up and being carried away without him the panic was horrible, that was all it was. The more he thought, the more something else rose under it, hot and lurching, destructive and new. He stuck out his thumb. Mark looked at it, and him, his own thumb still out like he’d forgotten it was there. “What- what’re you doing?” “Well, I guess I’m helping you get a ride, Mark,” said Antonio, with a kind of cheerful, gritted-teeth mania. The heat was behind his eyes, sending words into his mouth that didn’t come from anywhere he recognized, and he had to work hard to keep them out. “Two thumbs are better than one!” “I don’t want your help!” “It’s literally the only thing I can do, Mark!” “That’s not my problem!” yelped Mark, with a kind of frustrated low-energy flail that nearly sent him into the swamp. “You- you think anyone’s gonna stop for you? You know what you look like right now?” “Okay, well, you could be a little less personal!” “You could fix your fucking face,” said Mark, deliberately and very loudly. His voice carried across the maybe ten feet that separated them. The minigolf alien loomed above, almost exactly between, set back a little from the sidewalk, its mouth a yawning cave studded with goofy tombstone teeth. A dirty sign in one disintegrating feeler proclaimed that Nine Crazy Golf Holes could be played for Nine Dollars, including the Unmissable Gravity Well, and that the prizes were Out of This World. “Wow,” said Antonio, because what did you even say to that, honestly, “wow, Mark, you can’t just ask someone to-” “Do you think making me look at that little ouchie all day is gonna make me feel- what? Sorry for you? Or bad that I-” Mark made another sharp movement, like he was pushing something sharply away, forcefully sweeping an idea into the stratosphere. Rain glittered off his jacket, sliding across the waterproof quilting in shining beads. His voice was strained and harsh, shivering on the edge of fury.  “I don’t feel sorry for you!” “I don’t want you to! I just want you to be okay!” “I AM OKAY!” screamed Mark, spit flying, taking a wild kick at a small rock. It spinged across the space between them, smacking into the base of the concrete alien and splashing off into the hidden swamp. “I’m as okay as I need to be to get this DONE!” “Sure you are!” yelled Antonio. The heat in his insides burned through the last of the things holding it in place and snapped free, clawing out of him in a violent burst, just as loud as Mark. “Great, then I’m okay too! I am so amazingly okay right now! Clearly! Because only people who’re totally okay and truly happy with where they are in life wind up SCREAMING AT EACH OTHER OUTSIDE THE CRAZY GOLF!” They stared at each other, across the distance. If nothing else, Mark finally looked startled. He glanced up at the alien, as if he’d only just noticed it, but Antonio barely registered his surprise. He had started, and now he couldn’t stop. “I can’t fix this, Mark! I can’t fix my face, I can’t fix what happened to you, or what I did to you, I can’t fix ME! I would if I could! I don’t want to look like this! I didn’t ask to be like this! I didn’t ask to be made with something all hecked up in me, if that’s even what happened, I didn’t even ask to be MADE!” He struggled for words. Above the sign, the forest of badly-painted concrete eyeballs rose to the cloudy sky like so many grubby grey balloons. Some of them looked horribly like they were looking at him. Mark was definitely looking at him, speechless, like he’d just beamed down from whatever neon-crazy-golf-based planet the alien was supposed to be from. “Everything’s just hard, and… weird, and… I don’t know what I’m doing,” said Antonio. He felt tired, leaden like something only half-alive as the heat faded, like half of him was inert stone dragging down at the rest and it was an effort to even keep talking. It didn’t even really feel like an admission- could something be an admission if it was so clearly written on your face? It was as if something had popped inside of him, and even the black goop slowly dripping from his chin didn’t feel like it mattered enough for him to wipe it away. “I don’t want you to feel sorry for me, I don’t want you to feel like you’re- stuck with me, but… I can’t help that while I’m with you, while I- while I know I’m helping you- at least I feel like I’m... doing something right.” There was a distant, bassy rumble, the sky clearing its throat. The hiss and spatter of the rain falling around them picked up into a new gear, and a grey curtain came sweeping across the road and the dull lights of the few passing vehicles, blurring everything, driving the winding rivulets dyed dark from Antonio’s feet to the gutter and plastering Mark’s hair down into his face.

*

The overhang of the crazy-golf-alien’s mouth was an okay sort of shelter, damp and stale-smelling and a bit buggy. There was a sort of moulded lump near the floor against the back, a rough low bench flaking with streaks of neon-pink paint, part of some long-gone photo opportunity. Hugging his knees, Antonio watched a mosquito land on his arm, tiptoe its way fussily between hairs and raindrops, legs poised and antenna quivering with dainty care, picking out a place for its delicate proboscis. He watched it dip its head and pierce his skin, pause, twitch, convulse, head and body and legs twisting like a bit of paper curling in a flame, and fall stone dead from his arm. “I just wanted you to understand,” he said. Mark was watching the rain, or at least he presumably was, between the condensation and the strands of wet hair stuck across his glasses it was hard to tell. “I know you know what you’re doing, Mark. I’m not gonna stop you. I’m just... worried, about afterwards.” Mark looked down into his own lap, and smiled. Antonio could have put up with a lot more than the difficult scene they’d just floundered through- any number of additional personal comments about his face, for example- rather than see that smile. There was no surface to it, nothing for anyone outside to see, only a cold inner humour that said plainly it wasn’t meant for anyone else except Mark. Mark, appreciating the joke in something nobody else could grasp. Especially Antonio, who was only there, who’d only said the words. “Afterwards,” he said, like it was the punchline. Antonio sat quietly, knocked numb on the inside by the truth that had just sidled up between the two of them in this musty shelter and hit him smack between the eyes, the truth he’d felt in the heart of him but put aside for days, turned from and stopped his ears against and refused to hear fully, until he couldn’t ignore it any longer; that Mark did not want, or mean for there to be, an afterwards. Here, in the calm of the storm, it didn’t feel like a revelation, anything to be gasped at or leapt upon; just a sad, simple fact. “I thought I’d died,” said Mark, in the same neat, matter-of-fact way. “In there. I knew I was dead, or as close to dead as it was ever... going to let me be. It’s not really like I was thinking, but it’s like... you know things. I knew it was over, and this was my... afterwards. I knew I was never going to be able to fix anything, or make any of it better or... save anyone else from walking into the same trap. And I knew- that’s what I deserved.” He paused, his throat jerking as he swallowed. “So everything since you got me out of there... every day… it’s just been one more day to fix my shit. Just a whole bunch of one more days I never thought I’d get, to- to at least make them pay for everything they did. If I could,” he said, slowly, arming wet hair out of his eyes, “I’d leave everything no worse than it was before I started helping that fucking thing. I- I can’t do that, but I’m sure as fuck going to make them wish they never chose me. And I keep waiting for when the other shoe drops, and I’m going to lose the chance to fix anything, or it’s going to turn out I never had a chance in the first place. I keep waiting to find out how they’re still- playing with me.” This, with difficulty, through a clot of hatred in his throat. “But... what I have, while it lasts... you gave me this. If it’s real… it’s because of you.” There was a silence. Antonio sniffed. Mark had given him some napkins from the Waffle House, and he was holding a wad of them to his face. “I can’t think about afterwards,” said Mark. His voice was thin, small. “I don’t think I… even want to think about what that’d… be like. I… don’t know.” For once, there was no sarcasm, no front. As far as Antonio could tell, he only sounded as weary as Antonio felt, blank, and honest. It was strange to hear Mark speaking to him in this way at all- as if he was another real person, and there was genuinely something he wanted him to understand. “I hoped we could find that out, Mark,” he said, gently.  “I’ve just started too, you know.” They sat, quiet, the rain beating on the alien’s hollow shell and trickling through making a hollow, near-musical sound. To Antonio, this silence felt different, on the scale of all the silences he’d known- awkward ones, hating ones, dangerous ones, empty ones. This felt only like tiredness, without the tight restless anxiety that had followed them up until now. Despite the wet, the pouring rain and the smell like an old sneaker forgotten in the bottom of a laundry hamper for a year, it felt curiously comfortable. Mark took off his glasses, pulling a corner of his decrepit grey sweater from under his jacket and drying them off as well as he could on the ravelling wool. “We get this done,” he said, at last. “Then we talk about afterwards. Okay?” “Okay.” They looked at each other. Antonio kind-of-smiled, in a tentative, barely-there way that didn’t pull too much at his face, and Mark, replacing and poking his glasses, which always wanted to lean towards the mended side, as straight as they would go, almost sort-of-smiled back. Squishing the napkins into a wet black ball and tossing them into the rain, Antonio watched Mark pull his phone from his pocket, wipe the rheumy fug from the screen on his sleeve, and start to type. “We’re not hitching a lift?” “Fuck that,” said Mark. “Nobody in their right mind’s gonna stop for us. I’m calling an Uber.”

[gilthairpins]

Book 1 Chapter 17: Fresh Clothes, Angry Horses, No Sentimentality

Kangxi would go outside the Great Wall almost every year. Every trip outside was always accompanied by an older brother [one or more of his sons], but it was never as lively as this year. Kangxi brought the crown prince, Fourth, Eighth, Ninth, Thirteenth, and Fourteenth. When I saw this list and thought about Minmin, who was likely to appear, I felt I should stay in the capital and not go on this trip.

I wanted to privately discuss this with Li Dequan, but before I could open my mouth he said, “Don’t think about not going this time. You were lazy at the beginning of the year and now you are in good health. There is no reason to be lazy any more.”

I lowered my head and stood silent, sighing softly. Li Dequan shook his head and turned to leave. Suddenly he stopped and turned his head saying, “Quickly cheer up and serve his majesty with all of your heart. Other things are not so important. I am old and have only been in the palace so many years.”

Well, my whole life in the future will be just a word from his majesty! After finishing speaking, he quickened his pace and left. I was left alone in the same place, stunned.

I thought I didn’t want to go, but from the time I got into the carriage and left the Forbidden City and its surrounding crimson walls, I felt happy again. Not to mention, but the boundless grassland outside the Great Wall and the deep blue sky can make people feel energetic.

After arriving outside the fortress and setting up camp within a few days, sure enough, we heard the mongols would show up for an audience with Kangxi. And Minmin likes Thirteenth and will definitely follow.

My heart felt anxious and I went to look for Fourteenth to make a plan. I took a chance to greet him. He just looked at me coldly and didn’t let me get up and kept walking. Once he passed me, I quickly stood and chased after him a few steps and shouted, “I have something to say, Fourteenth!”

“I have nothing to say to you!” He didn’t even look back, but just continued walking.

“It has something to do with last time and with Minmin gege!” I continued.

He stopped and turned coldly back. “I owe you a favor, what do you want?”

I didn’t have any anger toward him now. “When the mongols arrive in two days, we will definitely bump into Minmin gege… what should I say then?”

He lowered his gaze in thought. “Tell her directly and then apologize. Say a few soft words to coax her after. Isn’t that okay for her?”

I shook my head worried and thought, how could it be that easy? Not to mention the deception, there was also Thirteenth involved! But it was hard to explain to him how his brother was also involved.

“I’m afraid it’s not that simple with coaxing.” I sighed.

“I think your coaxing skills are first class. Why are you so worried?” He sneered at me. After saying that he turned around and left.

‘You idiot!’ I cursed in my heart, but I could only watch him leave helplessly.

Worried, annoyed and afraid that Minmin gege would indeed follow Suwan Guarjai, I stood behind Kangxi. I watched both Thirteenth and Fourteenth on the sides. Minmin would be here soon and I my legs felt weak. I was dizzy.

As I was panicking, Fourteenth suddenly stood up and bowed to Kangxi. “I suddenly feel a little anxious and want to leave for a while.”

Kangxi didn’t pay attention and nodded casually. Fourteenth left quickly without raising his head. My heart slowly fell back to its original place. Avoid it first and at least give me a chance to explain to Minmin and not in front of Kangxi. Minmin is a person with a bit of wealth. My life, once exposed, would be my worry.

Prince Suwan Guarjia and the accompanying mongols saluted Kangxi. After the guests sat down, they all started talking and laughing. I had been keeping an eye on Minmin and Thirteenth. Ever since she had spotted him she couldn’t take her eyes off him.

He was sitting in his usual manner and unconsciously interacting with Fourth, chatting and laughing. I sighed seeing Minmin like this. I may not see Fourteenth for a while and knowing Thirteenth’s answer, I felt sad for Minmin. Looking back and forth between them, I felt really sad.

While my gaze was wandering, my eyes met Fourth’s. He glanced at me and then to Thirteenth a smile crossed his eyes. I glanced away, before I could move my gaze again, I caught sight of Eighth smiling at me. His gaze jumped between me and Fourth. I didn’t dare meet his eyes so I lowered my eyes to the ground.

After a long while of laughing and chatting Kangxi asked, “Why hasn’t Yinzhen [Fourteenth] returned after half a day?”

The tent fell silent and my heart skipped a beat.

Eight stood and bowed. “He said he had gastrointestinal discomfort yesterday. I’m afraid he hasn’t been eating appropriately recently.”

“Hasn’t he called an imperial doctor already?” Kangxi asked.

“Not yet.” Eighth replied.

Kangxi frowned slightly and the glanced around at the brothers. “Don’t take advantage of your youth to be indifferent to your health.”

All the brothers responded in unison. Eighth turned to a servant behind him to summon a doctor for Fourteenth.

Kangxi smiled at Suwan Guarjia. “As I get older I find that daily health becomes more important.”

I breathed a sigh of relief. I was safe for today.

I thought about it again in the evening and came to the decision that I could only have this resolved before everything was exposed. The next day I wasn’t on duty, so I went to find Minmin. I was worried about what to say as we walked.

As I was walking along, feeling sad, I heard, “I was just going to find you. I didn’t expect to bump into you.” Looking up I saw Minmin standing in front of me, smiling. I quickly leaned into a bow, greeting her. She had appeared in front of me, at my own expense. I went to smile.

“I haven’t seen you in half a year, how are you?”

“Everything is fine. How is the princess?” I replied.

We walked side by side, arm in arm. I was filled with sorrow and I didn’t know how to speak. Minmin also lowered her head and remained silent. After a while both of us looked at each other sideways and said “You…” We paused speaking at the same time.

“You go first.” I said quickly.

“Can you help me ask?” Minmin smiled and walked ahead a few steps, keeping her voice low.

I didn’t know what to say. Anything was cruel and would just break her heart. Minmin waited a while, but when she saw me still walking forward with my head lowered she slowed her steps. “He didn’t? Really…?”

I still didn’t know how to answer her. I looked at her thoughtfully. After a long while I said, “Anyway, your father [Ama] doesn’t want Minmin to marry him. Minmin don’t miss him anymore.”

She stopped and widened her eyes and asked quickly, “Why? Why? Does he look down on me? Am I not as good as his Fujin?!” Minmin choked on her sobs.

“Minmin, it’s really not your fault.” I held her hand.

“I’m going to ask him what is wrong with me. Doesn’t he like me?” She shook off my hand and ran.

I quickly chased after her and shouted, “Minmin, Minmin! Don’t run away! Listen to me!”

Minmin just ran and ignored my shouts. When she got outside of the camp, she grabbed a horse and whip from the soldiers, mounted, and galloped away. I also quickly grabbed a horse and chased after her.

She beat the horse and the horse was as fast as lightning. My horsemanship is not as good as hers. She was better, getting further and further away. Her figure gradually faded away into the distance.

I watched from a distance how she approached Thirteenth and jumped off the horse. I saw another figure next to him that turned out to be Fourteenth. I was so anxious I didn’t even care about being afraid, I beat my hand and the horse startled. I hoped it was faster.

When I got there and jumped down I heard Thirteenth say, “Minmin fell in love with me by mistake and Yinxiang [his given name?] is too embarrassed to bear that. I have other things to do today, I will apologize to you another day.”

He wanted to leave after saying that, but Minmin stopped him, standing in front of him. “I just want to know, what is wrong with me?”

I quickly ran over and stood just behind her. I clasped my hands and bowed to Thirteenth and quickly waved my hand to Fourteenth, motioning him to leave. Fourteenth stared at Minmin and Thirteenth in surprise.

Brother! You turned a blind eye to me!

Then Thirteenth glanced at me and Fourteenth. He said gently to Minmin, “Minmin, please go back first. This is not the place to discuss these things. Royal father is still waiting for me and Fourteenth.”

“What can’t you say?” She stubbornly asked. She turned to glance at Fourteenth’s face. She looked away and back again and then shouted, “You! You! Why are you here?” She looked back at me.

I no longer hand the energy to be afraid, so I just stared blankly. Thirteenth looked at Fourteenth and shouted, “Let’s go, Fourteenth!”

He went to mount his horse. Minmin was stunned. She kept staring at Fourteenth and murmuring. “Fourteenth? Fourteenth brother?”

“Exactly.” He nodded.

Before I could speak, Minmin rounded on me angrily. “You lied to me!”

I quickly stepped forward to pull her arm, but she pushed my hand away angrily. “Is he fourteenth brother? You lied to me!”

“Minmin, listen to me.” I begged.

Minmin glanced at Thirteenth who had his eyes wide open. She held her riding crop tightly and pointed at Fourteenth. “Is he your crush?”

I bit my lip and shook my head. “You’ve been lying to me . You’ve been using me. I treated you like a good sister and tell you what is on my mind, but you used me!” She sneered at me.

I was so ashamed that I said, “Minmin, didn’t you say that ‘Friends recognized by children of the prairie will not give up so easily’? Please forgive me this time. It was wrong of me to lie to you, but things happened for a reason. Please listen to my explanation.”

Minmin just sneered two more times and turned to Thirteenth with a surprised face. She pointed her riding crop at me and asked, “Are you on good terms with her?”

Thirteenth nodded. Minmin said coldly, “Then do you know that she lied to me to hide Fourteenth?”

Thirteenth glanced at me. “I didn’t know.”

“Is this how you treat your friends? Lie to both me and him?” Minmin stared at me angrily.

Thirteenth and Fourteenth looked at each other and back to Minmin and me. I couldn’t argue.

“Minmin, can you please just forgive me this time?” I looked at her and pleaded.

“Don’t even think about it! I still want to go and tell the emperor about what you did last year!” She turned to walk away.

I was shocked. Quickly I dragged on her sleeve and knelt on the ground and begged. “Minmin! Minmin, you must not do that. Whether you hit me or scold me, this was all my fault.”

Fourteenth came forward and dragged me up to my feet. “If you are angry come at me! You don’t need to tell me. I will go to Royal father and explain clearly!” He said to her.

Thirteenth also hurried forward a few steps and stopped in front of Minmin. “What big deal deserves to be seen before Royal father?”

“She used me to help Fourteenth. The two of them are so sneaky that they didn’t even know the dirty things they did.” Minmin said angrily.

Thirteenth glanced at me and back to Minmin. “Ruoxi is not such a person. I’m afraid Minmin may have misunderstood.”

Minmin’s face turned red as she told Thirteenth angrily and with resentment what had happened last year. She glared at me after finishing. Thirteenth looked at Fourteenth for a very long time.

He laughed and then said softly to Minmin, “Minmin, there is no need to be angry about this. Fourteenth and Ruoxi have been playing together since young. He came here in disguise. Ruoxi is also normal. There really is no need to alarm Royal father.”

Minmin glared at me fiercely and then back to Thirteenth. “You are just protecting her like this? You didn’t even ask her why?” She asked in disbelief.

Thirteenth glanced and me and back to Minmin helplessly.

“If it were me, would you do the same thing? You didn’t even ask the reason. You just speak for her. You are biased!” Minmin said.

“Thirteenth!” I called out.

He just blurted out, “I have known Ruoxi for many years and I just know what kind of person she is.”

God will kill me! Thirteenth really has overturned the vinegar jar now. I sighed. Minmin was rejected, jealous and angry about being deceived. Now I’m afraid she could do anything.

Minmin just sneered twice and rushed to pass Thirteenth. She mounted and rode away. Thirteenth mounted his horse quickly and took off after her. Fourteenth and I also mounted and chased after them.

All four horses raced wildly. Thirteenth tried to get close to Minmin several times, but Minmin waved her riding whip to keep him away.

“No matter what happens later, just push the blame onto me.” Fourteenth said.

I just stared ahead as my horse galloped, ignoring him.

“After all, I am an elder brother. Although rebellion is serious, my life won’t be in any danger in any case.”

Kangxi, Prince Suwan Guarjia, crown prince, Fourth, Eighth and all were watching from a distance. When they saw us rushing forward and back on horseback, they all stopped to watch. My mind went blank. I didn’t know what would be waiting for me later.

Thirteenth’s riding skills were superior to Minmin’s. He caught Minmin and she jumped down. As she was dismounting he said slowly, “Minmin, please. Yinxiang is grateful.” He stared at her steadily.

Minmin stopped and stared blankly at Thirteenth for a while and then looked between Fourteenth and me. Thirteenth was dressed in a tight fitting riding outfit trimmed in silver. He carried a black iron long bow on his back. He stood proudly under the sun with his black horse. His figure is noble and handsome. His eyes were clear and gentle as spring lake water. They were pleading, hoping and believing.

Minmin looked at Thirteenth infuriated. She became a stone pillar.

Kangxi approached on horseback and dismounted. “What is going on?”

Fourteenth and I quickly bowed in greeting, but Thirteenth and Minmin didn’t move. They stayed fixed in position staring at each other steadily. I turned my head to look at them. I clenched my fists. My palms were wet and slick.

The elder brothers and ministers who came with Kangxi also dismounted in a hurry. Fourth cast a glance over all of our faces and thoughtfully landed his gaze on Thirteenth and Minmin. Eighth glanced at me and Fourteenth, a hint of worry in his eyes. He then looked over at Thirteenth and Minmin.

Before he had even dismounted from his horse, Prince Suwan Guarjia had already shouted, “Minmin! Why aren’t you paying respects to the emperor?” He apologized to Kangxi. “This girl has always been pampered by me and she is wild on the grassland all day long. She is no better than a princess in the Forbidden City. They don’t know much about etiquette.”

Minmin turned away and took a few steps forward. She bowed and greeted Kangxi. Thirteenth turned and saluted Kangxi. Kangxi had them stand up and looked at Minmin.

“Why is there anger on your face? Did Yinxiang bully you?” He asked her gently.

I clenched my fists and held my breath to listen.

“It’s just that Minmin wanted to race Ruoxi but Thirteenth didn’t agree, so we had an argument.” She smiled.

Fourteenth and I looked at each other in surprise and then at Thirteenth. He also looked confused for a moment. We couldn’t figure out what Minmin wanted to do.

Kangxi looked at Thirteenth and asked, “Why didn’t you agree? Although Ruoxi has been learning how to ride, racing for a short while shouldn’t hurt.” “The emperor has approved a race between Minmin and Ruoxi?” Minmin bowed and asked before Thirteenth could reply.

“Minmin! Don’t mess around!” Prince Suwan Guarjai shouted.

Kangxi looked at me with a smile.

“Manchu and Mongolian are people on horseback. Let them compete sincerely, and we can have fun. It’s not nonsense.” He said to Prince Suwan Guarjia.

The guards on the side heard this and hurried to prepare. Minmin walked over to me, but looked at Thirteenth.

“For Thirteenth’s sake I’ll give you this chance. If you win, I will forget about everything. But if you lose then I can only tell the emperor. No one can blame me.” She said in a low voice.

Fourteenth snorted coldly. “Is this considered an opportunity? Why don’t you compete with me?”

Minmin smiled at Fourteenth. “Go help your “lover” pick a good horse.” She turned to me her face was already cold. “This time won’t be like last year. I let you do it on purpose.”

Thirteenth came over and looked at Minmin. He nodded and smiled. “Thank you, Minmin.”

Minmin smiled slightly and walked away. Thirteenth frowned, and then with a helpless smile he looked at me and Fourteenth.

“Just try your best. Don’t be afraid if you lose. You still have me!” He turned and mounted his horse to chase after Minmin. “I just hope my ‘beautiful man trick’ will work.” He murmured.

No matter how dark the clouds are over me, I can’t help the wry smile that escapes my lips. Alas! Go pick a horse!

Eighth looks at Fourteenth with doubts in his eyes. Fourteenth shook his head. He frowned and looked at me, lowered his eyes thoughtfully. Fourth watched the retreating form of Thirteenth and frowned. The prince’s eyes kept wandering over my and Fourteenth’s faces. Everyone had different thoughts.

Kangxi mounted his horse. “Let’s go back first and let them pick their horses.” Everyone responded and returned to their horses to follow Kangxi back.

Fourteenth stayed and help me carefully choose another horse. We were both silent. By the time we rode to the race venue, Kangxi, Prince Suwan Guarjia, the crown prince, Fourth, and Eighth were already seated in the tent.

Minmin was already waiting for me at the starting point, accompanied by Thirteenth. She was saying something to him with a smile on her face and listening carefully. Fourteenth jumped down from his horse to check the saddle and bridle for me again. He pulled the bridle and whispered, “Don’t force it.”

I nodded and looked over to Minmin with a smile. “Will Minmin keep her word? If I win, she will forgive me and put everything aside so we can be friends again?”

Minmin smiled proudly and said, “That’s right! We people of the prairie admire those who are good at riding horses. If you win, I won’t care that you only learned for a few months to beat me.”

I nodded and said nothing more. Thirteenth and Fourteenth looked at each other and rode away together. The guard standing to the side bowed low and asked for instructions.

“Gege, can we start now?”

Minmin looked at me sideways and I took a deep breath staring forwards.

“That’s it.” With the sound of “start” Minmin’s and my horse flew out. I held the reins lightly in one hand and the other whipped the horse. Unfortunately, my riding skills were inferior to others and I fell behind. Half a head, half a body, whole horse length.

While urging the horse to run, Minmin turned back to me with a smile. “I’m sorry. I have to go on ahead!” She leaned down, clamping her legs on her horse and whip cracking in the air. Her horse increased its pace.

I watched her getting further and further away with a cruel heart. I threw away the riding whip and reached up to remove a gold hairpin from my head. Tightening my grip on the reins, I gritted my teeth and jammed the pin into the horse’s butt. The horse neighed loudly and reared up, suddenly charging forward like a violent wind. I gripped both the reins and horse tightly with all the strength that I had as the horse jolted away.

Minmin looked sideways at me as I came rushing up with a surprised look on her face. She quickly hit her horse, but my horse was bleeding and running wildly in pain. How could her horse catch up? Moreover her horse seemed a little afraid my horse was injured. Minmin’s horse didn’t listen to her and gave way to mine.

Minmin gradually fell behind and I was dizzy from the jolting. I heard her yelling from behind me.

“Are you crazy?! Aren’t you afraid that the horse will try to kill you? She probably saw the gold hairpin buried in the horse’s butt.

The finish line was rapidly approaching and Minmin was no where to be seen. It seemed that I had won. I was thrown hard against the horse that my brain was slow to react. I only knew to step firmly in the stirrups and grip the reins tightly. I absolutely could not let him go and knock myself down.

The horse passed the finish line like a strong wind, but I couldn’t make it stop. I could only let it rush on wildly. There were guards stationed in front to guard against my horse being surprised. The prince, Fourth, Eighth, Ninth, and the rest of the brothers rushed out of the tent.

I was still confused when I passed by the tent, but I saw the scene clearly. The sounds of horses’ hooves behind me were rapid, as though many were chasing me. ‘It seems I won’t be thrown to death’, I thought to myself. As long as I didn’t fall from the horse before being rescued.

Strangely enough, I wasn’t afraid at all. I felt vaguely excited and happy, like riding a roller coaster. It was extremely exciting and refreshing. Perhaps life in the Forbidden City was too depressing, or I knew my life wasn’t in any danger so I had no fear. I just felt very dizzy, I quite enjoyed the pleasure.

When the guards surrounded me and reined in my horse, Fourteenth helped me dismount. I could already see three or four shadows every where. I looked at the three anxious faces of Fourteenth in front of me and saw three mouths open and close at the same time. I couldn’t hear what he was saying, but I thought it was funny and couldn’t help but lean on his arm and laugh.

Thirteenth and Minmin hurried over. When I saw their three faces with mouths opening and closing, I dissolved into giggles again.

“I didn’t expect after such stimulation this would have such a comedic effect. It’s so funny.” I then pointed at Minmin. “I won. Don’t lie.”

Fourteenth held me, now on his horse. He didn’t dare break into a gallop, so let the horse walk. I just lay in his arms and shook my head. I checked my hands for double images. Slowly I heard the vague voice of Fourteenth, who gradually became clearer.

“Ruoxi. Ruoxi. Are you ok?”

The hands gradually merged into one. There was no more ghostly after-image. Thinking of these fun things, I sighed.

“I’m in great condition. It would be better if you could help me sit up straight and not like this.” I said.

Fourteenth suddenly reined his horse and looked down at me. I smiled back up at him.

“Can you hear what I am are saying?” He asked me.

“Can you hear what I am saying?” I nodded still smiling.

He let out a sight of relief. “Thank god!”

Thirteenth and Minmin caught up and also shouted, “Amitabha!”

Hearing Minmin’s voice I sat up straight and looked at her nervously. Minmin didn’t wait for me to speak, but already quickly said, “As Thirteenth had said, you do have a “desperate” temper. Don’t worry! I won’t mention that matter again. Just pretend it never happened. That was really scary!”

She turned to Thirteenth with a smile. “Actually, I had already thought about it while picking out my horse. I won’t tell the emperor. I just wanted to scare you again. I really can’t make you angry, you lied to me.”

I looked at Thirteenth. He smiled helplessly and winked at me. The beauty trap worked! The price was that he had probably said a lot of bad things about me. His reputation for fighting and drinking had changed from purple to purple. The Forbidden City floats towards the grassland.

I wanted to dismount. Fourteenth quickly jumped down to help me off. Thirteenth and Minmin looked from me from their mounts. I straightened my clothes and kowtowed to Minmin. She was busy dancing.

She dismounted and helped me up. “Since I won’t blame you, what are you doing?” She asked me angrily.

“If you don’t blame me, Gege, you are being generous. This slave is indeed acting magnanimously.” I said as I stood up. “Of course I should kowtow to the princess. It would be wrong of me not to.”

As we were talking Wangxi hurried over on horseback. He dismounted and greeted us continuously. “The live long lord [emperor] and wang ye [king/ possibly the other brothers] are worried. You two return quickly to report to the live long lord first!”

“I’m sorry to trouble you, gong-gong. I’ll leave now.” Thirteenth smiled at him from his horse.

“Can you ride?” Fourteenth asked me.

‘I have to ride, even if I can’t’. I thought to myself. Do I dare let Kangxi see you holding me? I just smiled and nodded. “Just ride slowly.”

Fourteenth brought his horse over. “You can ride this one. I will follow beside you. It’s very tame and knows to go by my whistle.”

I took the reins and he turned around taking another horse from a guard. Only then did I look down and see the horse he was riding had its legs mostly covered in blood which was quite shocking. I realized I was cruel so I quickly turned my head and ordered, “When we get back find a better groom to take care of him.”

The guard at the side watched me looking at the horse and took a few steps forward, and held up the golden hairpin with both hands. Although it had been wiped clean I still turned my head.

“Throw it away. I don’t want it anymore.”

The guard was stunned, not knowing how to react. Fourteenth casually took the hairpin from the guard and waved him away.

“You don’t dare take it now. You had it on your head first. You are really merciless.” Thirteenth laughed from his horse.

I didn’t answer him, instead mounting. And the four of us rode back at a canter.

After entering the tent, we paid our respects to Kangxi. Fourth and Eighth looked on from the sides. They looked me up and down and then turned to Thirteenth and Fourteenth respectively.

“Are you hurt?” Kangxi asked looking at me.

“No.” I replied respectfully.

Kangxi nodded and then asked angrily, “Did you want to win so much?”

“I know I was wrong.” I quickly knelt down and kowtowed.

Minmin also ran down and said, “It was none of her doing, your majesty. It was I who said she was competing with me.”

“What were you betting on that Ruoxi must win?” Kangxi asked.

“Minmin…” Prince Suwan Guarjia said before he could stop her, Minmin blurted out, “No bet!”

“What?” She looked at her father [ama] who looked annoyed.

“Ruoxi has been with Lian [Royal we?] for many years. I have a sense of her own conduct and behaviors. If there was no reason to win, how could she act like this just for the sake of winning?” He asked coldly, looking at me.

I knelt quietly on the ground, my head lowered. There was silence in the tent. My mind was running rapidly, but I didn’t have a suitable idea. Kangxi was indeed Kangxi. He knew the subtleties and it was really not easy to hide it from him. Could it be that I couldn’t pass this hurdle today?

I couldn’t even think about fear at this time. My mind was thinking of a way out. Fourteenth suddenly knelt down and shouted, “Your majesty!”

Before his voice broke, Prince Suwan Guarjia stood up and solemnly saluted Kangxi. He bowed. “Your majesty.”

Kangxi startled and waved his hand to let him get up. Prince Suwan Guarjia leaned over and said, “This is all my daughter’s fault. I have something to say to the emperor in private.”

After hearing this, Kangxi glanced at Minmin, me, and then Thirteenth and Fourteenth. Finally he ordered, “Everyone should go back first.”

Everyone stood up, bowed, and quickly left. My mind was confused. Minmin and I also left. The accompanying ministers saluted the brothers and left one after another. Fourth and Eighth were taking care of each other and since the prince was present, they couldn’t ask questions. They could only walk in silence.

“What’s going on?” The prince smiled and asked Minmin.

Minmin glanced sideways at him and asked crisply, “What’s going on? Didn’t the prince watch? Wasn’t it just a horse riding competition? She won and I lost.”

The prince hit a wall that was neither soft nor hard. Facing such a noble beauty like Minmin, he had no reason to get angry. He looked embarrassed for a moment and then smiled at Fourth and Eighth. “I have some things to do first.”

He nodded to Fourth and glanced at Thirteenth and walked away quickly. Ninth watched the prince leave and crossed his thumbs. He smiled at Minmin.

“Minmin is indeed a daughter of the grassland. Even the prince can do nothing.”

Minmin stared at Ninth and I quickly pulled her sleeve. “What will the prince say to the emperor?

Several of the brothers were listening attentively. As she walked, Minmin lowered her head in thought. Her face gradually grew red and she glanced at Thirteenth. She dragged me away. Several of the brothers looked startled and turned to Thirteenth. The only difference was the sneer on Ninth’s face.

“I guess my father misunderstood that you and I were jealous over Thirteenth. For fear of embarrassing myself in public, I don’t dare let the emperor ask you anymore.” Minmin whispered in my ear.

My heart calmed down. This misunderstanding was much better than the truth. I smiled and said, “You didn’t misunderstand, isn’t that the truth? Otherwise, why would you be so angry?” Minmin reached out to tickle my side before I finished speaking.

“Why are you so talkative?”

I ran away with a smile and Minmin chased after me. I quickly hid behind Thirteenth and peeked around him still smiling.

“Good Minmin, why should you be afraid of people when you did nothing wrong? You are leaving more and more traces!”

Minmin was angry and ashamed but Thirteenth was in her way. She could do nothing to me and just stamped her foot.

“What kind of hero hides behind others?”

“I’m just a young woman. I have never wanted to be a hero. But I can hide behind one!” I chuckled.

Thirteenth smiled and reach around to pull me me out and pushed me to Minmin. “I don’t care about your false reputation! You can deal with her how you want. No need to be polite.”

Minmin couldn’t help but be happy when she saw that Thirteenth was helping her. She rubbed her hands unceremoniously and reached out to scratch my ribs just above my legs. I couldn’t help but be itchy by nature and hurried to dodge away and laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe.

“Stop making trouble for me. So grudgey! I have something serious to say!”

Minmin ignored me and went to catch me.

My legs were weak from laughter and I couldn’t run far. So I ran back to Thirteenth.

“Don’t just watch the show and smile. We can’t sing together. I have to drag you down and I will piss you off.” I said with a smile.

Thirteenth quickly walked a few steps to avoid Fourth.

“I’ve been hurt a lot by you today. How dare you annoy me? I didn’t annoy you.” He said as he walked away still smiling.

While I was talking, Minmin was already close. Thirteenth kept encouraging me. Minmin became more and more excited. I really didn’t have the strength to run anymore. I had subconsciously glanced at Fourth and didn’t want to get to close to him. I quickly grabbed Fourteenth and used him to block Minmin.

“I still have something to do. Stop making trouble and let’s get down to business.” I begged.

Minmin didn’t take me seriously and reached out to grab me. Fourteenth smiled and helped me block.

“She was frightened just now from the ride. So Minmin spare her first.”

Minmin changed positions several times but was blocked by Fourteenth. I hid behind him. Minmin smiled proudly and Thirteenth fanned the flames. Minmin couldn’t help but laugh angrily. She pointed at me, Thirteenth, and Fourteenth and said, “Look at the two of them. I really like them. I don’t know whether they were coaxing me then or now.”

Thirteenth burst out laughing. “If you had seen the two of them cross eyed, you wouldn’t be surprised.”

“Really?” Minmin asked curiously.

“Thirteenth!”

“Thirteenth!”

Both Fourteenth and I spoke at the same moment. Fourteenth’s “Thirteenth” was rare and sincere. Thirteenth smiled and waved his hand. “Okay. I won’t say anything any more. Otherwise if I annoy Fourteenth, I’ll annoy Eighth and Ninth. And I cannot beat those three.”

His words made the brothers laugh. Probably because he helped Fourteenth and Eighth and Ninth. Therefore both sides got along happily and harmoniously.

“You’ve already said a lot! You also had a lot of scandals when you were a child. I will tell Minmin those later.” I said glaring at Thirteenth.

“When will you tell me? I’m free now!” Minmin responded eagerly.

Everyone was startled. We were used to speaking truthfully and embellishing, but we didn’t expect Minmin to be such a straightforward person. After speaking, everyone burst into laughter. Minmin blushed. Even Fourth had a smile on his lips. And Thirteenth was also a bit embarrassed.

I walked up to Minmin with a smile and grabbed her arm. “Do you know what your father will say to the emperor?”

She tilted her head thoughtfully. “I don’t know. I can’t guess what father will say, but you will be fine.” As I walked I thought carefully. Would her father directly tell the emperor that Minmin liked Thirteenth? Definitely not. If the emperor simply gave up the matter for youthful infatuation and give Minmin to Thirteenth that wouldn’t be what her father wanted. But if he couldn’t see the truth, how could I stop Kangxi from pursuing the racing incident? I thought about it repeatedly, but I had no clue. So I had to give up and let the old foxes fight on their own!

I began to worry in my heart. What would happen if Fourth knew what happened between Fourteenth’s resistance? Couldn’t Thirteenth not tell Fourth? Once Fourth knew, what would he think about this? Would he tell the Prince? The more I thought about this, the more nervous I became. I couldn’t help but let out a long sigh.

“Why are you sighing?” Minmin asked in confusion.

I looked at her sideways and shook my head and stared ahead in silence. Minmin also sighed. I glanced back at her and asked, “Why are you sighing?”

She looked at Thirteenth and said, “It would be great if we could always be like we are just now.”

I watched the brothers walking together. I didn’t know what they were talking about but they had soft expressions and smiles on their faces. Yes, it would be great to be like that just now! We are all laughing.

But it is impossible. These brothers walking together will be fighting to the death in the future.

I faintly heard Thirteenth say, “Ruoxi…. Leaning against Fourteenth…. Just laughing.”

I quickly grabbed Minmin and went to listen. I turned pale when I saw the golden hairpin in the guard’s hand. I didn’t dare take another look. I rubbed my neck.

“Throw it away! Throw it away!”

Ninth and Fourteenth both looked at me and laughed. Fourth glanced at me a few times, a slight smile on his lips, but Eighth just smiled and looked ahead walking slowly. I glanced at the side of his face and watched Thirteenth shake his head helplessly. I couldn’t stop him, so I could only let him say it.

“I can only ask her myself. Why did she dare plunge it in so hard?” He smiled.

I tightened my lips and didn’t answer.

“You didn’t know how to ride a horse the year before last. Just looking at your horse skills this year, I can see that a master taught you very carefully. Who did you learn from?”

My heart tightened and I shot a look to Fourth. Before I could open my mouth Minmin said, “It was me… and…”

I pinched Minmin’s hand tightly and grabbed it. “Minmin taught me this.” I said covering up the sound of the word “harmony” and looked at Minmin.

She looked at me and said nothing.

“Oh my god! Ruoxi I am convinced by you. You’ve only been studying for so long and today you actually challenged a master!” Thirteenth smiled.

I glanced at Eighth whose expression had not changed. I smiled at Thirteenth not daring to answer him.

After we dispersed, I walked the short distance to my tent and then turned to head to Thirteenth’s tent. Just as I bowed my head and walked silently, I heard Fourteenth’s voice from behind.

“Are you looking for Thirteenth? He rushed to my side.

“Yes, what about you?” I quickly leaned forward into a bow, greeting him.

He walked silently for a while before he said, “Thank you, very much.”

I turned my head and smiled. “I have to thank Thirteenth. I don’t have to. I’m just saving myself.”

He walked quietly with me all the way without saying a word. Entering Thirteenth’s tent, Thirteenth looked at Fourteenth in surprise.

“I knew you were coming and specifically retreated from Fourth. I came back to wait.”

I smiled and said nothing. I took a cushion and sat on it, on the floor. Fourteenth greeted Thirteenth.

“No need. No need!” Thirteenth smiled.

Fourteenth hesitated and stopped talking. There was a sarcastic look on his face. I shook my head. It was really difficult for him to thank Thirteenth. Let me do it. Thirteenth smiled again and asked him to sit. I gave him another soft cushion and Fourteenth sat down.

“Tell me, what is going on?” Thirteenth asked smiling at me.

I glanced at Fourteenth and saw he wasn’t going to respond. So I told him the truth why Fourteenth was here and why I had been begging Minmin. As I spoke, I paid attention to Fourteenth’s expression. He didn’t object.

After hearing this, Thirteenth looked at Fourteenth and nodded. “No wonder you were hiding in your tent claiming sick at that time. We were blocked from going to see you.”

“Will you tell Fourth?” I asked after hesitating a moment.

Thirteenth gave me a sideways look and asked, “You don’t want Fourth to know about this?”

I nodded.

“I don’t want to hid this from Fourth. Besides, Fourteenth was Fourth’s younger brother. Are you still worried he would tell Royal father? This time I did what I did, partly because of our friendship, but also partly for the sake of Fourth and Concubine De.” Thirteenth said thoughtfully.

He looked over at Fourteenth and said slowly, “Although Fourth has a cold face and sometimes acts too rigidly, he will not do anything to his biological brother.”

Fourteenth’s face turned serious. Thirteenth quickly smiled at me and said, “Don’t worry. This matter ends here.”

I curled my lip and wondered that he would most likely not hide this long from Fourth. I couldn’t help but give it another try.

“What about the Prince?”

“What a confused person! Since I can’t tell Royal father, of course I won’t let the crown prince know!” Thirteenth smiled and said.

You are all thinking in many twists and turns, I thought to myself. If I don’t consider a single twist, I’m afraid I will make a mistake. To be on the safe side, it’s best to ask clearly.

I pointed to a teapot on the table next to Thirteenth. He quickly turned to pour a cup of tea and handed it to me. I accepted it and drank it down in a gulp and handed the cup back to him.

“Do you want more?” He asked.

I waved my hand and he placed the cup back on the table.

I caught Fourteenth staring at me and Thirteenth in surprise. I exchanged a look with Thirteenth and we both smiled at Fourteenth. He pointed at me and asked Thirteenth, “Is this always the case in front of you?”

“She never talks about these things. Not more unruly than this.”

Fourteenth watched us and lowered his head.

“Prince Suwan Guarjia knows Minmin’s thoughts. Be careful should he ask you to be his son in law.” I smiled at Thirteenth.

“Let him go. If he doesn’t mind Minmin becoming a concubine, then I would have no choice but to marry her.” Thirteenth sighed helplessly.

I was shocked in my heart. I had thought that since Thirteenth didn’t like Minmin he wouldn’t marry her no matter what. But I had forgotten that ancient men’s’ views on marriage were different from mine. What was the difference between three or four wives. There was just another courtyard to live in and a few more servants. He would marry the one he likes, naturally, but it doesn’t matter if he marries one he doesn’t like. The worst he could do is not spend the night in a person’s courtyard. It wouldn’t have much of an impact on him.

Thinking of Minmin’s deep love of Thirteenth I glared at him. “If you don’t like Minmin, don’t marry her! She’s not a piece of furniture. If you marry her, you cannot just place her in your house. It would be over!” I said angrily.

“Of course I don’t want to mislead her. But if Royal father proposes I marry her, can I still resist that decree?” He looked at me blankly.

I stood up suddenly and opened my mouth to speak, but there were no words. I finally said, “No matter what, if you don’t like Minmin you’re not allowed to marry her anyway!”

After saying that, I quickly threw the curtain and heard about ten people behind me. Fourteenth quickly bowed and excused himself to follow me. My anger gradually subsided and I realized I was unreasonably making trouble. This whole thing was caused by me and Fourteenth. However I got inexplicably angry at Thirteenth. While what he did was not inappropriate from the current time view, I cannot ask him to understand a concept from three hundred years later. Sadness gradually grew in my heart.

Eventually I turned my head to Fourteenth. “Let’s return, Fourteenth. I want to find Minmin.”

“Are you going to persuade Minmin not to marry Thirteenth?” He asked. He waited for my answer, but when I said nothing, he said, “I don’t want Minmin to marry Thirteenth either.”

I looked back at him and he whispered, “The prince is now with the Mongolians. The year before last, Royal father summoned Manchu and Mongolian nobles to discuss the matter of the prince. The eight major Mongolian tribes headed by Suwan Guarjia were all dissatisfied with the Prince. Minmin is the favorite of Prince Suwan Guarjia. If she marries Thirteenth it will be detrimental to Eighth.”

I took a long breath and shook my head helplessly at him. I walked away quickly. “Master Fourteenth, hurry up.”

“Come back! You don’t need to tell me! You and Thirteenth got along well at first. And then I had realized I had been friends with you all these years, but you have such an attitude! How can I be inferior to Thirteenth? Don’t forget you came out from Eighth’s house.”

“Thirteenth would neither say what he said to me before, nor will he say such a thing. That is the difference.” I told him continuing forward.

We walked quickly all the way to the Mongolian tents. Before we reached Minmin’s tent, we heard faint crying and could not help but slow down. We saw a man quickly lifting the curtain to escape. He jumped a few steps in surprise, barely managing to avoid a flying vase. With a crash the vase hit to ground and shattered.

He was Minmin’s brother Suwan Gaurjia Heshu. I quickly said hello to him. He looked at me doubtfully and awkwardly said, “Please get up, girl.”

“Is the princess here?” I asked.

“Girl, please come back. Seeing her now will only bring bad luck.” He smiled in confusion.

Minmin had already pulled the tent flap back and rushed out before he finished speaking.

“You all want to drive me away! And now you won’t let me see anyone?” She said while crying angrily.

Her brother didn’t say anymore and left in a hurry. I quickly stepped forward and pulled Minmin into the tent. The floor was a mess. Everything that could be smashed was smashed, and everything that could be lifted was overturned. I tried to find a handkerchief to wipe her face with, but it was impossible. I lifted the curtain and called a servant who was guarding outside.

“Go get a basin of water and bring a handkerchief.”

Minmin sat on a blanket and cried. I sat beside her quietly. Outside the tent, the girl called softly, “The water is ready.”

I got up and retrieved the basin. Wringing water from the handkerchief, I handed it to Minmin.

“Wipe your face and talk properly. Is there any use crying like this?”

Minmin wiped her face cleanly and I could see that she had calmed down a lot. So I had asked, “What’s wrong?”

Tears started falling again before she could speak. After crying for a while she said intermittently, “I… Father…asked the emperor to propose a marriage for me in a few days.”

“Who?” I asked.

“It’s a little prince from the Ergenjueluo tribe.They have an audience with the emperor in a few days.” She cried.

I was thinking blankly. I only knew she was one of the eight prominent tribes of Mongolia.

“Anyway, I won’t marry. I won’t marry even if I have to strangle myself with a rope.” She cried more and more sadly after speaking.

I sat silently before whispering to her, “Let me tell you a secret, Minmin.”

She didn’t pay attention. She lowered her head and shed tears.

So I whispered slowly to her. “Last year on the grasslands I was best friends with Eighth.” Minmin looked up at me. “Ah”

With a slight smile, I leaned in close and continued in a low voice. I spoke about how we met in the Bei’le manor. I talked about his many years of care and how I was moved, and the scenes on the grassland last year. I had told her that he wanted to be the crown prince and told him I didn’t want to get involved with the struggle for the throne, and begging him to give up. I talked about Bafujin [literally 8th wife], his son, the prominence of bafujin’s natal family, and the current severance of grudges. Minmin’s only focus was on listening. She had long since forgotten to cry.

I smiled and wrung the handkerchief and helped her to wipe her tears from her face. I asked her softly, “Are you really ready to marry Thirteenth? Be a lucky man, live in a small courtyard and look forward to him every day? Can I remember you and come and see you after I go to court? To put it bluntly, you are not the woman, Thirteenth loves. With your stubborn temper, if you have a dispute with another fujin, will Thirteenth help you? What do you think? Can you really abandon the blue sky and green grass and choose to live in a small courtyard and only see a small narrow stretch of sky? I know it’s cruel to say this, but Minmin, seriously think of the lives of the concubines around your father. Except for one or two who are favored, what kind of life are the rest of them living? Have you ever thought that one day you would be one of them?”

Minmin was in a daze. I sighed.

“Your father is like this. He doesn’t want you to get married to that prince. He just wants you to get rid of your thoughts of Thirteenth. Do you know why the prince was so anxious to stop us today? He was not afraid of saying we were jealous over Thirteenth and losing face.”

“If it’s not for fear of losing face, then what was his reason?” Minmin asked after a long moment.

“You are your father’s heart. And your brother only has one sister, you. You are not just you. You are the Suwan Guarjia tribe. The emperor has been trying to win over the various tribes of Mongolia, if his son could marry you, he would be happy for it. Once today’s incident was exposed, the emperor would have just gone along and arranged a marriage between you and Thirteenth. No matter how reluctant the prince is, he cannot object. Your father came forward anxiously and took over everything in order to protect you.”

Minmin listened blankly. I sighed. “Minmin, you are a very lucky woman. You have a wonderful life. If you stay on the grassland, no one would dare bully you. Many beautiful women are not well protected. Their fathers and brothers will use their marriages in exchange for their own. The prince was also interested in your beauty, but your father pretended not to know. Maybe if it were another father, he would simply marry his daughter off thinking the prince will become the next emperor. Perhaps his grandson would be the future emperor. You come from a noble family, Minmin. Surely you must have seen such things.”

While thinking of my sister’s sad fate, I said sadly, “Compared to those who love their daughters, but are unable to decide their fate; or those with abilities to protect their daughters but are unwilling to do their best for selfish reasons. How lucky are you? Your father has the ability to protect you and is willing to protect you with all his heart. Minmin, you have noble status and outstanding appearance. Compared to those unfortunate women who wander in the wind, you are truly blessed. You should work hard to laugh. The tears don’t belong to you! Cry, make trouble, and hang yourself! These women’s methods will only work on those who love themselves deeply. Only they will be soft-hearted and distressed and will be heart broken when they look at those who didn’t love them. I can shed tears of sympathy at most say ‘how pitiful’ to your corpse. But the romance will remain the same after that. Minmin, is your steadfastness used to hurt your father?”

Minmin shook her head blankly.

“However if you don’t want to marry the prince, you can pretend to seek death and use your life to blackmail your father. I guess it would still work. As long as you stop thinking of Thirteenth.” I felt a smile tug at the corner of my mouth.

I sat with her quietly as Minmin continued in her daze. I had finished everything that needed to be said. It would be for the best if she could just understand. If she couldn’t understand, there was nothing I could do. She still had final say in her affairs after all.

“Then, I can no longer be with Thirteenth?” She finally said, most of the day later.

“Yes.” I whispered.

“Then, will I meet people like Thirteenth again in the future?”

“Minmin, it’s hard to say which is better, the moon or the stars. If you just lower your head and continue to cry because you missed the moon, you might just see the sky full of stars! That is no less beautiful than the moon.” I said softly.

“What about you? Will you forget Eighth? Forget the moon and look for the stars?” Minmin stared at me and asked.

I nodded firmly. “Yes. I will open my eyes wide and look for it. As long as that star belongs to me, I won’t miss it!”

Minmin watched me a while with tears in her eyes. “But I still want to cry.”

“Then cry. Just don’t cry for too long. Remember to wipe away your tears and look to the sky after you have cried. Don’t miss the stars that belong to you.” I said softly.

Minmin threw herself into my arms before I finished speaking and cried loudly. I hugged her, patting her back unconsciously. Tears filled my eyes. I widened my eyes and tilted my head back to prevent them from falling.

[miracleweaponhunt]

Miracle Weapon Hunt Chapter 37: Planning Stages

Roxanne woke up without any bad dreams in the hotel room. It was early, still dark outside. But as hard as she tried, she couldn't get back to sleep. She woke up alone, making her way to the hotel reception for breakfast. Everything there seemed to be made for building muscle or keeping energy, nothing that really focused on the taste aspect. She just got some yogurt with fruit, hoping that would carry her for a while. As she sat down in the corner of the room, a short girl with messy black hair that looked like it had never been styled approached her.

"Is that good?" She asked nonchalantly. She looked at Roxanne with her dopey brown eyes, dressed in a black sweater with a necklace like hers, only with a white gem in the centre. Fairly common type. Other than that, black sweater and jeans. Really skinny, too.

"It's pretty good." Roxanne said back.

"Cool, know what I'm getting." The girl nodded. Roxanne watched her order her yogurt, then sit with her table of two other friendly looking guys. The guys looked familiar.

Then it hit her. They were the Lumps, the fourth ranked hero group. Or at least the two guys were. The girl she'd never seen. She knew all about the two guys. The blonde muscular one was Ryland. Leader, fighter, expert in grappling. The skinnier man with perfectly styled black hair was Rodrick Santiago. No nonsense master of every tool needed for every situation. Both of which could make excellent boyfriends, but finding love was on hold. Not finished, for whatever Kazumi or Julian were saying, just on hold. She just needed to know what it was she really wanted.

"Hey, what's up there?" The girl with the lumps asked, looking at the TV right next to Roxanne. It was playing the message she and the others saw yesterday to the public.

"I'm sorry, are they just giving away the gauntlet?" Rodrick asked.

"It's like a heroism test, probably." Ryland replied quickly. "Seeing as Sandala gave their axe away to help fight the Legion, maybe Fightston wants to do the same thing."

"I thought that some scouting ship stole the axe while Sandala was being invaded."

"I mean, it worked out. And Zach probably wants to repeat the success, you know how he is."

"Well, I think it'll be cool." The girl with them nodded. "Besides, Ryland and I could probably clean out the whole legion with it." Rodrick just sighed at the end of the sentence.

"Look, as long as the winner isn't some legion spy or one of those Battlestorm assholes, I'm fine."

"Gee, thanks."

Caoimhe walked past them as she got her food, also yogurt. Makes sense, it's high quality yogurt. She sat next to Roxanne afterward.

"So, you ready for the first round?" She asked.

"Totally." Roxanne lied.

"That's good." Caoimhe sighed. She knew it was a lie, but whatever. Not like she'd get hurt in some major way. She tried coming up with another conversation topic by glancing around the room. Yogurt? Nah, that's dumb. What kind of moron bases their identity around yogurt? TV shows. They definitely don't have a single show in common. The lumps?

"So, ignoring your own, what's your favourite hero group?"

"I guess…the Stones? Julian seemed to like them."

"The eternal underdogs, huh? Makes sense. What about the Kerobons?"

"The clown ones?"

"Okay, how much do you know about the hero groups?"

Roxanne stopped for a second. "Basically nothing."

"Makes sense. Well, you got this far. Good luck during the weeding process, I guess."

Just as Caoimhe was about to leave, Cutter walked in. He briefly looked around the room, and gave what seemed to be a sign of disbelief. He quickly handed out dark blue noise cancelers to everyone in the room. before flashing a devilish grin. He grabbed a megaphone, and immediately started shouting as loud as he could.

"EVERYONE GET TO THE GROUNDS ON THE DOUBLE! THE ARENA OF DEATH! IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE IT IS, FIND OUT, CAUSE IF YOU AIN'T THERE IN TWO HOURS, YOU AIN'T IN THE TOURNAMENT!"

Roxanne and Caoimhe both got texts on their phone.

'whats going on why is cutter yelling' from Julian.

'Tell me why exactly tattoo man is screaming?" from Luca.

'We need to go to the Arena of Death? No clue where that is? Cassandra probably does.'

'Arena of death. Get dressed so we can follow Cutter.'

"Gotta say, dint expect ya to be up 'fore the others." Cutter said to Roxanne as she gave the noise cancellers back.

"Well, a hero's always gotta be up early, right?"

"You'd think." Caoimhe replied calmly.

The others appeared soon afterward. Most of yesterday's important names were up, if slightly grouchy looking. Cutter looked around, nodded to himself, and started whistling a merry tune to himself as he led the early birds to the arena of death.

The Arena of Death was just an ordinary sports stadium. It was bright blue, with nothing to indicate the 'of Death' part of Arena of Death. Not even a black banner draped over the entrance or something. As the competitors entered the reception of the Arena, Zach stood proudly in front of them.

"These the guys, Cutter?"

"Should be." Cutter replied.

"Great job as always. Anyway! And to any newcomers, welcome to the games. Before I explain how this round is gonna work, I need to introduce one more contestant. Introducing the next in line to the Vannana throne, the ever lovely Willow!"

Zach stylishly moved his hand towards the chair Willow was seductively lying upon, where she slowly got up, her countries lance in hand, towards the group.

"Greetings, heroes and other miscellaneous oddities of wonder! I, miss Willow Vannana, have decided to enter the Fightston games, bringing with me the Relic weapon of Vannana."

"Is that also a prize?" The girl with the lumps asked.

"No. My mom is probably planning my murder, and I'd at least like my body to be somewhat identifiable."

"Also should mention, but if you do use a weapon, it's the blunt stuff only. Healers here aren't miracle workers." Cutter interjected quickly, already ready to end Willow's tirade of valour. "Zach, you wanna explain the first round?"

"Certainly, Cutter!" Zach nodded, as peppy as ever. "Put simply, there are over three hundred people here. So, we're putting you in one arena, and having you fight it out. If you get knocked out or put outside the safe zone, you're out! The thirty-two remaining will progress to the next round!"

"Alright, ya got twenty minutes to pick out your weapons and figure out group plans." Cutter interjected. "Now get to it."

The players were shoved into the stadium's field to discuss strategy. In the changing rooms was a selection of training weapons for anyone who needed them. Cassandra took both an axe and a shortsword, just in case.

"You sure you wanna do this, Roxanne?" She asked, looking worried. "I mean, your legs still busted."

"It's not as busted." Roxanne added. "Besides, I need something to work on now that my journey for love is on hold."

"Right." Roxanne gave an uneasy nod.

"Okay, I have an idea." Julian added. "Zach is getting my bear for me, so why not have Roxanne ride it while we protect her, then carry her to the next round? Could buy some time to eliminate a problem for later."

"And then I fight for real in round two?"

"I'll be honest Roxanne, you are getting eviscerated in the second round if this works."

"Hey, I got an idea."

The girl with the Lumps was smirking behind them.

"If you want, I am a wielder. I can boost people's reflexes. So we can work together on this."

"What's in it for you?" Julian asked, crouching down to her level.

"Easy. You think about the main reason the gauntlet is up for grabs? It's probably to lure anyone from the Legion over to steal it. So tell me anyone who looks sus and I'll help you to the next round. We got a deal?"

The three glanced at the girl, her facial expression still unchanging.

"Name's Siena, by the way."

"Didn't even think of the Legion part." Julian whispered as he turned the other two around. "I say we take it."

"But what if she's in the Legion?" Roxanne asked. "She's with the Lumps, and I've never seen her with them before now."

"Well, she's a support, so even if she is with them, cornering and grabbing her shouldn't be too hard." Cassandra added.

"Yeah, we'll take your offer." Julian said with a flourish back towards her, shaking her hand.

"Right!" Cutter yelled in the rooms. "'rena time! Find a spot and stay there!"

The four stood where Julian suggested, just shy of the middle for safety, but also away from where the action will be most intense at the start. The other Lumps joined up with them, not saying much. Cassandra boosted Roxanne onto the bear, just in time for Cutter to barge into the centre.

"Okay, errone ready?" He asked. Without waiting for any answers, the next phrase emerged.

"Round one, begin!"