#okay i didnt forget the mustache

[kn1ghtc0r3]

[cassedyevihtt]

The secret's that you keep

Vanessa x Mike fnaf movie fanfic (slowburn romance, wholesome)

The time between when they meet and when Vanessa tells Mike who she is and who the killer is is much farther apart. Which means they have a lot more time to get to know each other.

____________________________________

Part 2 of 8: "He'd have no chance"

Yesterday, Vanessa was at Mike's doorstep. The restaurant had been crashed by some people. A break in. His responsabilety, even though it was in the middle of the day that it happened. Her lips had been tight like a straight line. Disappointed. She'd wondered what the fuck he'd been up to. How could he forget to lock up the place?

The only time she smiled was when she saw Abbie. Mike's little sister. There'd been a hidden dread there. Behind her smile she seemed scared- of what? For the kid perhaps?

They'd walked to a river. Mike told her about his brother. How he got kidnapped. Thats why Mike lost his last job, and thats why he sleeps at his current job. That is also why he struggles to make ends meet. She listens and she understands. "I've seen crazy, and this isn't it" that's what she'd said. She threw his medicine in the river after that. The proof of why he could've forgotten to lock the old restaurant. They talked about that on the way back. He appreciated it but maybe think a bit more about the environment next time as what she was littering. She laughed at this.

Nowadays she helps him with abby. One time he wanted to ask her if she could babysit abbie that day she didn't answer. He was unable to get ahold of her over the phone so he went to the policestation.

Mike walks up to the counter, a guy with an impressive mustache looks up from his papers. "Um i am looking for Vanessa shelly." Mike itches the back of his head

"And? What do you want with her?" The guy mumbles a bit grumply. "Well I'm her friend and she didnt pick up her phone all day so i just wonder if she is okay or if any of you know anything?" Mike catches himself fiddling with his hoodie. "Ah yeah well, friend? Alright, she is down in the basement doing some training." As he explains a new officer goes behind the counter. "I was headin' down there for mah lunch anyway so i could show you, but ya can't disturb 'em" he gets out of his chair and takes a box of food with him. "Great, yes alright" Mike nods and follows along.

As they walk down to the basement the walls go from wood to concrete. The noises of people talking goes over to shots being fired. The guy gives Mike a headset to protect his ears. He sits down on a chair and eats his food. Mike looks at the long shooting ground in front of him. The policepeople shoot strategically and with concideration of one another's positions. Among them Mike spots Vanessa's blond hair. How long has she been practicing like this? He'd tried to call her all day. Mike places himself so she can see her face too, her profile. Her green eyes are determined. Focused. She fires a shot. He looks at where it lands. In the middle! He looks back at her face. She fires the next. Almost in the middle. And she continues like that. Mike can't help but stare. Study how she stands, how her arms move and tense up as she fires. Sometimes she grits her teeth. Her and the other police people all unload their guns and take 30 pushups before they run back and load their guns again. Truly training. They continue with this for 30 minutes. Vanessa finally spots Mike. He is sitting in a chair now after the guy with the beard left. She grabs a towell and slings it over her shoulder, dries her face. "What are you doing here?" She mumbles in her towell. She puts it down and looks at Mike. Mike stands up. "Yeah, no you didn't answer your phone all day so I wondered what was going on"

"Hm" she nods lightely. "What did you want then?"

"Would you be able to babysit abbie? She likes you more than our aunt"

"Hahaha well i would hope that. I might have time yes" she sighs with a smile.

"Alright! Um are you hungry? I promised Abbie pizza today"

"Sure yes, pizza sounds good" she answers as if she'd forgotten hunger was a thing.

An hour later they're in Mike's drive way. Vanessa is driving behind Mike in her police car. Mike has a pizza on the seat beside him. It somehow reminds him of Freddy's how was that pizza like? Better? Worse than this one maybe? Mike looks ahead in the mirror. Vanessa stops her car behind Mike's. Mike thinks back to the shooting hall. She was so confident. As if she was lost in 'the zone'. As Mike grabs the pizza and walks out he finds himself thinking a silent prayer. May this lady never be an enemy of his.

He'd have no chance.

Abbie, Vanessa and Mike sit around the table. Abbie shows Vanessa her latest drawing and happily eats her slices of pizza. Later, in the evening, Abbie takes slices of pizza to her room to share with her 'friends'. Mike sighs and let's her go. "She is a bit of a sunshine isn't she?" Vanessa chuckles.

"Yes well, she's all yours" mike stands up and gets ready for his night shift. "Sure, than you".

Mike nods and opens the door. "And mike?"

"Hm?"

"Stay out of trouble".

"Ofcource" his breath turns to a small cloud of fog in the cold evening air. Winter was on its way. He closes the door and Vanessa heads to abbie's room.

[l-egionaire]

Owl House Fic - Remember Me

They'd been close before he was gone.

He'd called her his "princesa", his "pequeña estrella fugaz", and all sorts of of other cute nicknames delivered while she was swaddled in his arms or being given tickly mustache kisses by him.

He was the only person who ever seemed to be able to get her under control. Whenever she had too much energy and was bouncing off the walls, he'd give her some crayons and a pad of paper or ask her to help him with a project while making it sound like an exciting game. Thus, she was able to channel all her overexcitement into something productive. If she tried to do something risky, like play witch by jumping off her bed while holding a broomstick, he was able to talk her out of it and help her find a safer activity.

He was just as weird as she was. Where she was obsessed with magic and witches, he fawned over art. He talked her ear off all the time about famous artists, sculptors, and painters. He planned trips for him, her, and Mamá to go to museums, practically vibrating with joy at all the different works they saw. Anytime he didn't spend at his job at the auto shop was spent painting, drawing, and sculpting. She was always amazed whenever she saw his hands seem to almost effortlessly glide across a paper or through wood and turn an ordinary object into something extraordinary. It was like real magic and the first time she saw it, she begged him to teach her. Every Saturday became their art day where he would teach her his craft bit by bit, revealing to her the secrets of the magic he practiced.

More than anything though, he was her best friend. All the other kids were usually scared off by her intensity, so he was the only person willing to play with her. They'd read stories together, him doing funny voices and helping her sound out the hard parts. They'd eat massive ice cream sundaes smothered in peanuts, whipped cream, and chocolate sauce. Before diving into them he'd wink and make her promise not to tell Mamá he fed her so much sugar. They made so many drawings, crafts, and paintings that they almost ran out of room to put them all. He was without a doubt the person she was closest to in her life.

Which is why it hurt so much when he left them.

She was 8 years old. It was just an ordinary day, specifically a Saturday. Their art day. The two of them had been working hard on finishing a family portrait that they'd been working on as a surprise for the upcoming Mother's day. Unfortunately, he had been called in to work, so she'd spent most of the day in the living room waiting for him to come back, their art supplies set out and ready to use the minute to get back.

Her heart filled with joy when she heard the sounds of her mamá coming down the steps, sure that she was about to tell her that he was on his way home and ready to start painting with her. She moved to hide their half-finished painting from view as her mamá came in, but her smile faded when she saw the hollow expression on her face.

She'd never forget what she said next.

"Luz....mija, I'm sorry. Your papá, he's....he's gone."

Mamá then began to tell Luz how papá had been driving home from work but, another driver hadn't been watching where he was going when they hit her father's car. But Luz could barely hear her, as the words "your papá is gone" repeated inside her head. She didnt even react when mamá bent down and gave her a tight, shaky hug.

Luz went through the next week and a half completely numb. She did things like eating and going through the school day on autopilot. Whenever anyone talked to her she responded with short answers in a monochrome tone. Even her dreams, which used to be filled with vivid magical adventures were now empty and black.

She finally started to come to her senses on the day of the funeral. Mamá put her in a new black dress and they drove to meet with her abuela on her papá's side. The two of them embraced each other tearfully, mamá rubbing soothing circles into her back as she thanked her for being in his life.

They and the rest of his relatives all rode together to the funeral home. Inside was the casket with Papá's body inside. Everyone took turns going up to it and saying their goodbyes. When Luz and her mamá's turn came up, Luz felt a sharp pain in her heart at seeing him laying in the coffin. She had the urge to kiss him on the forehead in the hope he might wake up like the princess in a movie they'd seen together once. But her mamá held her back.

Afterward they had a ceremony where people came up and talked about Papá and his effect on their life. So many stories Luz had never heard about him. Once the ceremony was over they went back to the cars and drove to a cemetery where they had one more speech before Papá's body was buried.

As she watched them lower his casket into the ground, it all finally seemed to hit Luz.

Her Papá was dead.

Which meant no more art Sundays together. No more movie nights with she, him and Mamá snuggled up on the couch, the two of them sneaking kisses while Luz groaned at their mushy romance. No more coming down to find him cooking breakfast, singing along badly to a song blaring from the radio.

He wouldn't be there for her 9th birthday, or her 10th, or 11th. He wouldn't see her graduate from Elementary school along with all the other kids. He wouldn't watch her grow up and become a famous painter like she'd told him she would. They'd never finish their painting for mother's day.

Slowly the sharp pain that she'd felt back in the funeral home came back with even greater strength. It was so intense, she gripped her chest in the hope that would make it stop.

Luz wanted to cry. She wanted to scream. She wanted to leap down into the grave, bang her fists on the casket and beg her papá to come back to her.

She was seconds away from doing any one of those things or maybe even some combination of the three when she noticed the sound of sniffling come from next to her. She looked over and realized it was coming from Mamá.

For the first time since she'd told her about his death, Luz actually looked at her mamá. She saw the deep anguish on her face. Noticed the bags under her eyes from lack of sleep. Saw the heavy stream of tears pouring from her eyes despite them already being extremely red. Even her usual bun was frayed and frazzled looking.

Luz gently tugged on the sleeve of her dress. "Mamá? Are you okay?"

She sniffled heavily and warbly replied "Si, Luz. I'm sorry Mija, I just....I can't....." And that was all she could choke out before breaking down into heavier sobs.

Seeing her crying like that, the pain that was in Luz's heart morphed into a deep twisting guilt.

She wasn't the only one who'd lost Papá. Mamá lost him too. She wouldn't be able to go on date nights with him anymore. She wouldn't be able to greet him with a kiss to the cheek when she came down to the kitchen for breakfast. Never get to have their "alone time" Tio Rosa said they had whenever they got Luz to watch her.

And here Luz was. Only thinking of herself. So caught up in her own feelings that she completely ignored how her mamá was feeling. How could she be so selfish?

Despite how tough it was, Luz stuffed all her pain and sadness down and took her mamá's hand. She gently rubbed circles into the back of her palm.

"It's alright mamá. I'm here for you."

She didn't have time to think only about herself. She couldn't be that selfish.

Someone else needed her.

[gabrielobrazilian1200]

A neco Arc and nitzche amateur fanfic

Nietzsche was walking the streets at night thinking about the universe and society as a whole

thought about how society blames God for all the ills in the world

suddenly he sees an extremely beautiful bar

And he thinks by himself

"I don't remember this bar in town, maybe it's a new property that was bought these days

maybe I should go in there and find out what's new

or should i go back home and think about the existence of god?

maybe it's okay to get in there"

Then nitzche enters the bar to see what the fuzz ALL about

And he see a beatiful bar with a bunch of drinks from different regions and tastes

But the one thing that catches nitzche eyes is a cat type humanoid creature looking at him, he never seen this being like that before but he has amazed but this cat beauty

Perfect blonde hair seductive red eyes

And a smile that make the most strongest Man fall in love

Nitzche was paralyzed by this creature looking at him

But at the same time can't stop looking at her

The creature simply asked one thing

"hello my fellow human would like a drink ? Nya"

Nitzche reply

"sorry i was just walking around here, and i accidentally came to see what this new bar was"

The cat closed one of his eyes and said

" Didn't you know that curiosity killed the cat? "

Nitzche suprised by the cat humor

And reply

"it's very funny this coming from a cat"

The cat laughed a bit

"My fellow human i am girl cat not a Men cat ok"

Nitzche got surprised

"well Sorry for my absence of education, i think i should present myself

I am nitzche, and you are ?"

" I am neco Arc Queen of the cat kingdom"

"wait If you are a Queen why you working on a bar ?, Arent you supposed to rule over your kingdom ?

"well that a little bit complicated nya"

"why wont you sit here for a drink my New human friend nitzche"

"Sorry neco, i dont have any money because because i was Just walking and didnt expected to Go here"

"dont worry nya, this drink is for free"

Then the two start chatting about randoms thoughts about life and How the universe was made

The time passed on the more nitzche and neco know eachother the more the feeling of love started to open like a flower

"well neco, before this night i always thinked that life has no meaning and Men should find the own meaning of their lives but dont asked myself If my life did ever have meaning"

"nya, being a cat Queen is Very dificulty you know

Everytime you want a time for yourself always need to take care of others

always putting the need of the kingdom first"

" i understand your feelings neko the responsabilty of helping something that's bigger that yourself

Is Very hard for the normal Men, but even cats can feel the pain of living

" haha nitzche you are a Very good human

But there something i want to Tell you"

"what is neco ?, I never been with men with such beatiful mustache"

Nitzche gave a shy reaction

" well never in my life i was with such handsome cat woman "

" well nitzche can you come closer because i want to tell the true meaning of life"

nietzsche approached neco's face

and suddenly Neco kissed Nietzsche's lips with a passion that warmed the philosopher's heart.

at that moment nitzche didn't know what to do but instead of backing down he hugged neco ark with all his strength

feeling happy because in all his life he has never felt so loved as by that yellow cat he met in just one day

then neco pulled away from Nietzsche's mouth and said

never forget me nya

[fakeloveaskblog]

I hope they're okay, too. They… I just hope so. On an—unrelated note. Do you know if Rowan knows what… knows that something happened?

Oh, ah. If you want you can talk at me for a bit, Remus of course. I don't mind. It's a great way to pass the time. I can also give you an electric cigar or a candy one as a less lung-destroying imitation.

(We were all there also, earlier, but I won't. Try and remind you what happened, Remus, unless you actively want to try and remember. I know you're frustrated by your memory being unreliable, blocking things away, but it's to be expected with the circumstances. Do you still want me to try?)

[Hi. Lets pretend I didnt forget I had this one in the askbox]

Remus had started to get a bit bored down in the garage of the apartment complex. His hands were itching to create or break something. Instead he kept pretending to twirl his nonexistent mustache.

When he heard your offer of alternatives to cigarettes he quickly shook his head "It's fine. I mostly use smoking as an excuse to meet up with Remy nowadays so uhm if they're not avilable I can just go without it" His fingers kept tapping against his skin as he spoke. He put on a snooby expression and a higher voice "It's not the high you're missing but the addiction taking the pain away! As the lady at rehab said like 5 minutes before I tried to shove the plastic fork into the electric outage again"

About a second afterwards he realized what he'd just said.

"I wasn't an addict! Not that there uhhh be anything like morally wrong with that. I just don't wanna get any rumors started. It was enough of a shitshow when some paparazzi got a photo of Ro parked outside the rehab center"

He fumbled a bit with the ring on his finger while thinking of what to say.

“Y’know I had just taken a lot of different stuff like regularly like maybe 2 to 5 times a week for like a while so after the breakup- and I was already going through a breakdown so when I started showing symptoms of uhm withdrawal- and I was kinda a danger to myself so uh Rowan panicked since she couldn’t watch over me like 24/7 so she like got me into a rehab center for like 2 weeks until the withdrawal passed. Yeah. That’s all.......Just hard to say no when he kept Insisting taking will make me calm down for once and he was just so fucking convincing about how some- a bunch of K and some xanax would help more than the antipsychotics...sorry..im rambling again” He tried to find a way to change the topic while forcing a smile “WAIt did you say a MOTHERFUCKING C A N D Y cigarette???? Oh sign me up bitch!”

He let out a few raspy chuckles on top of that while fiddling with his hands. 

“I don’t think Rowan heard anything of...of....uhm whatever happened. She was a bit away and y’know clubs are pretty loud and uh it’s not exactly uncommon for me to just randomly walk out into a parking lot if I’m overwhelmed so I think she just assumed everything was normal y’know. Just some normal Remusing”

When he was reminded of the party, of his fuzzy unclear memories, he started to chew on the inside of his mouth out of nervousness again. He scratched at his skin with his long unkept nails while you said the last part of your message.

He met eyes with you “I want to remember. You don’t get it, I have to. Please tell me what happened”

[a-random-fandom-friend]

My Eurovision Semi-final ranking bc i can

Based mostly on vibes and if i could jam to the song. Enjoy !

1rst : Australia

This... was out of the 80's opening to Cat's Eye. It was bright and colourful and kitch and cool and the singer waved a trans flag and an aborigenal flag. Apparently is was written with a queer superhero teen team in mind. I loved it.

2nd : Russia

The singer also fights for minorities and there was a trans man with a binder on the screen during the chorus, and i vibed with the rap, it was fun and feel-good and mixed lots of aesthetic and it's a yes

3rd : Ukraine

Purely on the fact that is sounded and looked like a song that Antoine Daniel would have reviewed, and from listening to the What The Cut on loop i would have learned it and unironically enjoyed it. There were guys from tron counting seeds and a guy playing the flute in a tree and the singer was wearing a cropped green furcoat. I love it. Also i love to be able to say that i enjoy "ukrainian electropunk".

4rt : Croatia

It was basically 2009 Lady Gaga, i vibe with that. Also cool use of an angled mirror to make it feel like there were more dancer on stage than they were !

(disqualified but wound be here) Israel

Looked fun and afropunk, felt like israel should reaaaaally not have paricipated on anything out of decency. Like "oups we bombed people, but now let's forget politics and cheers :) ". No hate on the singer directly, tho, her hair was cool and she looked like she could have performed at the end of Marvel's black panther. The fact that they got in the final despite their political actions? Actually revolting.

5 : Sweden

Song was not a banger, nothing bad but nothing bop either, but the AESTHETIC ! HE GOT IT ! Like yes good that's eurovision. Also thanks from the demonfucker community

6 : Malte

I was oversold on it as the big winner, so i was kinda dissapointed like... yeah it's a cool song and it made me tap-tap the rythm, also i love the neon look, but i lacked the vibe. But i'll probably change my mind if i watch it back. Also i'm conflicted bc the use of french exclusively to say "je me casse" is very fun, but i feel like it was only used to add the like "pardon my french" so.. idk.

7 : Azerbaidjan

"Indian"-style songs are not my vibe but i like that they went all in in their vision. Also it's apparently about a cool woman ? Idk but i like the idea

8 : Sweden

Was cool, cool voice, nothing fancy but a solid bop. Also, very happy that sweden didnt send a white blond haired cliché ^^

9 : Croatia

I feel like she oversold it by saying "everyone will have it stuck in their brain", and also the fact that she is fan of Christina aguilera and yet write a song called Tick Tock which is closer to Ke$ha... idk, not sold on it. The strass swimming gear was alright, but nothing more. She gets point for being five on the strage, tho

10 : Romania

A ballad, and nothing fun or flashy. I feel like the singer and the dancers were acting out the music video or some kinds of methaphors but i didnt get them and it was frustrating and confusing. if i'm being honest they are in last place of this list, but i realised that they have the exact vibe of the music video from a song used for the promotion of a dystopian YA novel film's adaptation. Like, that's the exact vibe i got from it. So i got to imagine what that film looked like and i had fun.

11 : Belgium

Imagine Mylene Farmer but without the sluttyness and lowkey gay energy, and also she's not red head. No vibes from me :c her tambourine player and battery player were very cool, tho. For, like... ballad-players.

12 : North Macedonia

A guy singing a ballad, saved by the fact that at some point he opened his blazer and was wearing a discoball

13 : Ireland

A lady with Marilyn Monroe and 2000's Lorie's vibe. But she tried to re-create a clip on stage which probably looked good only for the camera and no for people in the room, and it didnt look good enough on camera for it to be worth it. and also it was a simple ballad, sorry.

(Disqualified) Lituania and the one after it

I arrived too late for those one but first seemed weird and second seemed like a b1llad so i dont feel the need to look them up

Also i saw a bit of the Italian ones and i was like "hey why are you dressed like gays in the 80's and then it showed a bit of their song and they looked like a punk bdsm demonic aesthetic so of course i was 100% sold. Of at the Germany one was fun with his embazzled ukulele and his lazytown-looking song, and the Netherland one gives me the same vibe (by the camp, mustache and exposed chest ) as a side character from Star Wars and i like it, it worked for me.

See you next week okay bye !

[sincerlypadfoot]

The Girl Who Belived

- I thought about this for a long time so here a shot- You left the wizard world after the first wizard war and moved to the muggle world, changing your whole persona, forgetting about your past, but when you get called back by someone everyone is surprised to see you after so many years. Your former boyfriend, former best friend and new people who know you but you don’t know them

Warning - Depression and Violence

Word Count - 2134

Do you ever have that one song, the song that makes you forget about everything. All the problems in your head, forgetting about your worries and pain. The only thing in your head at that moment is the lyrics that run in your ears, the patting of your bear feet hitting the floor and the beat of your heart in your whole body. Until the music stops.

“Bloody hell,” I cursed catching my breath, putting my feet back on the ground and calming myself. “Stupid music box,” I muttered walking over to the radio that sat on the other side of the room. “For once just work,” I said hitting the top of it. The music started again but it wasn’t the same, the feeling was gone and the song meant nothing anymore. 

I walked to the mirror on the other side of my room, slipping my shirt off, revealing the scarring on my body, the life that once was me, but wasn’t anymore, the life that I wanted to forgot about but some things were just permit. I opened my dresser, tossing a sweatshirt on and tossing it on, turning my eyes away my from body, the music stopped once more.

“Just once, once I wanna listen to this damn radio,” I hissed turning to walk out of my room and back to the radio. “Just once please let me forget,” I screamed picking up radio and tossing it across the room, but the radio did not make it to the floor, it stood in the middle of the room, slowly raising itself in the air. “No!” I screamed running to the radio to grab it, but was blown back with a gust of light.

“Bloody hell,” I heard from beside me, the vision infront of me was just a bright light. As my vision came slowly back I knew where I was just from infront of me, and who’s voice was there.

“Why am I here,” I muttered not turning around and getting off the floor. “Bring me back home now!” I screamed getting up quickly and turning around to come face to face with James Potter. James Potter? “Your dead?” I asked looking at him then looking down at my necklace, a time turner.

“What are you doing here? Your going to get us killed!” He shouted as Lily came out from the corner with Harry in her hands. “Y/n? Hello?” He said snapping me back into reality. I had to save him, had to save my best friend.

“We have to go, voldemort on his way, Peter gave out your location, I heard him, please come on,” I pleaded, this was what I wanted for years, to come back to his moment and save these three.

“Y/n, we haven't seen you in months, and now your telling us that voldemort on his way here,  why should we believe you?” James said questioning me. “And Peter would never do such a thing, leave please,” He asked but Lily stepped up.

“Your like a sister to me y/n, we survived hogwarts together, if your telling the truth then we’ll come with you, but where?” Lily said putting her hand on James and holding onto Harry with the other. 

“Just pack whatever you can, Sirius shouldn't have left home quiet yet, we can make it to him if we hurry” I panicked looking out the window. I was in a nightmare right now, a horrible nightmare. The day I never wanted to relive, but the day of saving my two best friends. “Hurry please,” I shouted out at the couple, then it came to me. “James I need your wand?” I shouted running to the bottom of the stairs.

“I trust you,” He shouted to me tossing his wand down the stairs, landing in my hands. “I believe you,” He said then quickly running back to the room with Lily. I looked down at the wand in my hand, almost nineteen years without holding one of these, I could remember so save some lives. 

“Protego,” I repeated four times pointing James’ wand at each end of ever wall, watching small bursts of light formed around the house, and a glimpse of green walking towards. “We really have to go,” I shouted running up the stairs, taking one more look at the door then running into the room where the Potters were packing.

“What now?” Lily asked as I shut the door behind me and passing James’ his wand back. “How do they know where we are?” She asked holding Harry to her chest.

“I’ll explain at Sirius’ come on now, i’ve only done this once when we went to hogwarts and it went okay,” I said to the trio. “Grab hands please,” I whispered closing my eyes and breathing in. The banging of the door caved in and it was the time. “apparate,” I whispered, wind hit my face, and the grip of the Potters loosened. “Are we alive?” I asked opening my eyes to the disappointment, I was back in my apartment, the radio back on the shelf it was originally on and I was sitting on the ground, hands still warm. 

“Stupid radio,” I mumbled in sadness, helping myself up from the floor and walking away to my bedroom, crawling into my bed and letting the tears fall down my face. The wave of grief hit me again,  just like it was the day I heard that James and Lily died, the same wave of guilt that rushed in my like a tidal wave. “Stupid Radio,” I cried out screaming, getting out of my bed again and ripping my drawers away, throwing all my clothes out and falling to the ground, holding the last memorie I had from hogwarts, the quidditch sweater that the boys and Lily pitched in to get me for my sixteenth birthday. “Stupid Radio,” I whispered holding the sweater to my chest, leaning back onto my bed frame and letting the tears fall down my face as I wanted to remember but I couldn’t.

As everything was quiet in my apparent again, everything just stood still, the clothes tossed on my floor, my head pounding and the tear soaked sweater swaddled in my arms, laying down on my chest. Then the sound of the song, the lyrics in my head and the lump in my throat all came back, from one song.

“I know that things can really get rough when you go it alone,” I muttered singing the song in defeat. “Don't go thinking you gotta be tough, to play like a stone,” Tears formed again, and the song lowered, turning off at the same part. “Why can’t you let me be happy,” I cried out looking at the radio that stood across the hall in the living room. “I just wanna be happy,” I whispered closing my eyes. “Please,” I pleaded once more opening my eyes and just looking at the radio. The music start rising again, admitting the same bright light, but stronger, the light shining through every window in the house, ever crack and seal in the walls and every surface with a leak. 

“Please no, no,” I cried out putting my head in my knees and crying into the sweater that laid on my lap. “I can’t do it again!” I screamed repeating it over and over again until the vibrations stopping and everything was calm.

“y/n” I heard from overtop of me. “Where have you been, how did you get here?” Sirius Black, the man who had my heart for years, the boy would I planned to live with for the rest of my life. “Your alive?” I heard him say once more.

“What year is it?” I asked not looking up, it was all a dream like last time, I couldn't do it, not again.

“Its nineteen ninety five crazy, look at me,” Sirius demanding putting his hand on top of my head. “We’ve looked for you for nineteen years y/n,” Sirius said as I looked up at him, he was telling the truth, he looked much older, nineteen years older with curly brown hair and a mustache he always talked about having but could never grow.

“Whos we?” I asked as Sirius helped me up, I was stunned in the moment, I was back in the wizarding world.  “Is James alive?” I asked looking around, I was in Sirius’ childhood home, the home he depsized.

“I’m right here,” James said coming around the corner. “You show up after nineteen years and ask for me. makes me feel special,” James said, always a jokester, still the same man I knew back at hogwarts.

“Oh dear goodness,” I cried out running to him and hugging him, wrapping my hands around him and crying. “I did it,” I said to myself.

“You have some explaining to do y/n,” Sirius said leaning against the wall. “You left right after graduation, faked your own death and just show up back here, asking if James is dead,” SIrius said upset. 

“You scared us all half to death you know, we really thought you were dead,” James said letting go of me. “I almost was dead but someoen saved us, I would be dead without them,” He said with a smile.

“I couldn’t do magic anymore, after voldemort stuck me in the heart and I didnt die, it changed me in a bad way, I moved to the muggle world, forgot about magic, tossed everything away until today,” I explained putting my hand on my forehead. “That stupid radio,” I mumbled not feeling so well.

“You pushed everything of magic away, you pushed us away, what did the spell do to you?” Sirius asked but before I could answer his arms were wrapped around me. “I just missed you, after the war it was just horrid, we looked for you, we truly did but no sign, it was like you disappeared from our minds,” Sirius mumbled in my ear.

“I had too, magic did something to me after voldemort struck me, I was a curse, a danger, I didnt wanna harm you guys so I just left,” I said wrapping my hands around him. “I am really sorry,” I whispered in his ear.

“Sirius who’s that?” Remus Lupin, the one and only, the boy who saved my life more times then I could repay.  “Is that?” I heard before another pair of hands wrapped around me. “I thought you were dead he cried out leaning on my shoulder.

“Come on, let her get some fresh air, she looks like a mess, in a good way,” James said with a smile on his face. “You still have ton of explaining to do,” James said with a expressionless face. 

“We have complain Prongs, Moony, help her get freshened up please,” Sirius said calling James and Remus by there nicknames. “You both can catch up and we can deal with the company,” Sirius said looking at me. “I really did miss you,” he said planting a kiss on my forehead.

James walked up to me with a smile. “I never thought you would get to meet my son, his name his Harry, your his godmother,” He said grabbing my hand. “He’s heard a lot about you,” He said before Sirius called him away to the dinning room.

“Come on, i’ll get you cleaned up, you have a lot of explaining to do, a lot of it,” Remus said tossing his arm over my shoulder and walking me up the stairs. “Start with why you left a week after graduation,” Remus asked his first question kicking the bathroom door opened lightly.

I took a deep breath in, sitting on the closed toilet and looking up at Remus. “Voldemort found me after graduation, struck me in the heart a curse that I haven't even heard of, it was slowly killing me and everything I touched so I left, moved to the muggle world, forgot everything, my heart still aches, a pain I couldn't describe,” I said as Remus gently pushed a wet faceclothe on my face, wiping away the blood, tears and sweat from the last couple hours.

“A curse in your heart, that's why you left?” Remus said feeling bad. “I understand but there is something you need to know,” Remus said putting my hand in his. “He’s back and he wants Harry, when Harry was about a year and a half old voldemort tried killing him, instead it killed Voldemort and left Harry alive, with a scar on his forehead,” Remus started to explain. “He’s back, trying to kill Harry, and we could use your help,” He said making me hesitant, I looked down to my feet, thinking about my apartment back home.

[literature-works]

Okay. I know this doesn't fit my blog "theme" but my father and I watched the movie 'Quigley Down Under' (1990). I didn’t expect much when I read it was about a cowboy who goes to Australia. I was preparing myself to watch a typical brooding antihero cowboy go through over the top dramatic gunfights, and do only the most stereotypical macho thing the directors could think of. I was wrong. Mathew Quigely is a Man. Not a macho. Not a grundgy antihero. A real worth while man and it isn’t just because of his well groomed mustache.

Like... look at that mustache. But aside from that. Here are the reasons why every man should be like Matthew Quigley.

1. He is happy. Too many western (if it takes place in Australia is it still western?) movies have a hero who has a tragic back story and is sad all the time. They often use it as an excuse for their morally ambiguous actions. However, Quigley doesn't. He is genuinely a happy man. There were very few scenes I didnt see him smiling. It isnt that ge doesnt have anything to be sad about. In fact, within the span of a two hour movie he witnessed many innocent people die such as the indigenous Australians and a store owner’s wife. He couldn’t save them and it was obvious that his inability to hurt. However, he doesn’t let it hang over him and he doesn’t let it guide or excuse his actions. He remains a kind happy man even with everything that happened.

2. He makes innocent jokes. Quigley doesn't tear people down even with a good reason. He only uses cleverness, wit, and a charming smile to up his enemies. Even among friends he doesnt make cruel jokes to protect his manly image. For example, he bought Cora a dress and she asked "is it pretty" instead of being all buff and not caring about the dress or mocking her for just wanting something nice to wear after weeks lost in the desert, he responds with "well, it sure looked nice on me" in a happy light hearted tone just to make her laugh. His jokes were always something simple and light hearted even when taunting his enemies.

3. He is considerate of mental health. Cora is also known as crazy Cora and is obviously mistaking Quigley for her abusive husband Roy who abandoned her in Australia. She forgets things easily like what she did or how she acted the previous day but especially who Mathew is. He obviously gets annoyed with her strsnge personality and always being called the wrong name but he doesn't berate her for it. He corrects her a few times but drops it when she's obviously uncomfortable or distressed. He also plays along sometimes instead of trying to force reality on her when they are in a stressful situation as to not put too much strain on her. One of the most profound things I watched was how he reassured her. She obviously had abandonment issues due to her husband leaving her and was worried that he would leave too. When leaving her in a cave so he could retrieve supplies, he made sure that she was safe and made sure she knew he was coming back. Not only this, but also when he left her in town to go fight Martson and his men, he turned back and waved to her, something she specifically said her husband didn't do when he left.

A few times she offered Quigley sex thinking that he was her husband. It was obvious that people before took advantage of that misconception as she was being taken to the station as "womanly company" by Martson’s men. Quigley refused on every occasion. He said that if he laid down in bed with her he wanted to make sure she knew it was him she was laying down with. He only kissed her at the end when she realized and remembered he wasn't her abusive husband and finally made a solid connection on who he was. (He even took off his hat to kiss like a gentleman)

4. He can shoot. I am not saying all men need to know how to shoot. No. But he obviously knows the difference between knowing how to use a gun and killing. He doesn't like killing. He turns down pistols repeatedly because the only thing they really are used for, especially in the movie, is to kill. With his rifle Quigley is seen hunting, hell he even does acrobatics with it when he was escaping a burning building. He has no use for a pistol because killing was never his intention on carrying his rifle (he actually thought he was in Australia to kill wild dogs.) 

5. Quigley is merciful. When I stated that he doesn’t like to kill people it didn’t mean that he didn’t kill anyone (infact he actually killed a lot of people) however it was never ruthless or out of the blue. He always offered his enemies a chance to live when they surrendered. Usually when they surrendered it was a trick on the enemy's part to try and get him unarmed but even after the third or fourth time he still took that chance. He let his enemies make a choice and didn't kill unnecessarily. He also didn’t mock them for it. There was one scene that someone surrendered and instead of saying how much of a coward he was, Quigley said, “it might not be the brave choice, but it was the smart one” which was telling the guy it was alright that he surrendered and no one should think differently of him for not fighting.

6. He doesn't expect rewards. He is often shown denying rewards for his heroic acts and pays for everything he is given. Even when the natives saved him and Cora from dying he taught them some neat tricks like making rope and lassoing in exchange for when they taught him how to throw spears and get water in the desert.

7. He fights racism/genocide. He originally went to Australia to protect Martson’s land from dogs. When he found out that his job was actually to kill the indigenous people he instantly punched Martson through a window.... twice. He didn’t hesitate. The whole movie was him trying to protect the native Australians and defeat Martson. When Cora recovered a lost baby from one of the tribes Martson’s men recently slaughtered, he took it in with her and made it his mission to return the baby back to the tribe. He did not try to take the baby to a “better place” or “domesticate” the baby as Martson had worded his work before (also known as cultural genocide). Quigley simply wanted to return the baby to its family and original culture.  

8. He isn't afraid to destroy gender roles and respects women. Quigley is a man who recognizes a woman as his equal. He isn’t seen to be overprotective of Cora when he knows she can take care of herself. Sure he saves her from Martson’s men who were trying to take her but that was also a 3-1 fight (which she was doing a decent job fighting them off to begin with). His care for her safety can be summed up as simple worry. He ensures she has all the needed stuff to make it on her own and trusts in her skills to take care of herself. This is seen in the cave when he had to make the journey into town. He makes sure she has enough food before he leaves. Reassures her that she will be fine. And doesn’t hesitate to leave her 2 guns in order to protect her self when she says that she knows how to shoot. He is providing her with the means to defend her self, not being overly protective and defending her himself when she is perfectly capable of doing it on her own. 

Quigley also accepts her on an intellectual level. She says they should walk at night instead of in the day when they were lost in the desert as it would prevent them from over heating. The next few scenes of them walking are during the night and early morning. He also doesn’t argue when Cora takes his rifle belt to lighten his load on the hike. Most men would imagine her to be a ‘frail woman who can’t or shouldn’t carry weight’. But he lets her take it and they walk together sharing the weight of their packs. 

Though all of those are great, the scene that really hit me with how much of a MAN Quigley is is when he is seen swaddling the baby they are looking after. Cora is in the background looking out the window and Quigley is rocking and patting the baby to let it sleep. Though Cora is there he willingly gives her a break from looking after the baby and cares enough to take care of the baby himself. He even knows how to properly hold a child. 

So this was my rant on how Quigley is the truest man any man could be. I was just super surprised that not only a western movie would have such a kind and happy male lead but also an old movie. For a near 30yr old movie, I believe Matthew Quigley was a very good representation of good man and a good hero. 

[happys-crazy-queen22]

A Chick Mechanic

"We need to get Bobbys hunk of shit to a mechanic". Tig said. "I think we past one about two miles back". Jax pulled out a cigarette, lighting it. "I guess Bobby's riding bitch" Juice laughed. "I'm not leaving my baby on the side of the rode, she could get stolen". He said while petting his bike. All the guys rolled their eyes. "I'll go and bring them back". Jax got on his bike and rode off. Thirty mintues later the row back truck arrived with Jax behind. "Help me push it in place". The diver asked. "You can ride with me up front". They all got ready and pulled off. Pulling into Pimpin Motors, the guys looked around. It looked just like TM. "Um the mechanic will be will you shortly, so fill this out and give them to em". "We could be in prime pussy if you hadnt brought that heep of junk you call a bike". Tig said getting frustrated. "That beast has more life than some of the girls you sleep with Tiggy". Bobby laughed with the other. Waiting for the mechanic, a woman that came up to yall. "So whats the problem". "We are waiting for the mechanic". Mr. Mustache said. You laughed "I am the mechanic". "But your a chick". A big bald guy said "So , is that a problem"? "If so you can take your bike and go, the next station is about four hundred miles from here". "So take your pick". "No Darling its not, I'm Jax". "Nice to meet you". "I'm Y/N". "This guy right here is Happy, your fixing Bobbys bike and those morons are Juice and Tig". He intruduced all the guys. "Let me take a look and I see what I can do". You smiled and walked off. "Forget some other pussy, I want that". Tig said licking his lips. "She's probably  a lesbian ". Happy said. "Whats wrong with gay people". Juice said. "Nothing just when I see a girl I want them to hop on my dick and make me happy". Jax just shook his head, she was very pretty in his eyes. She had a ball cap on backwards , that kept her long blond hair out of her face. She wore a white wife beater and black coveralls hanging of her waist. Her face and arms had little oil spots. No make up on and she was looking good. "VP, Jax you okay" Juice asked. "Yeah". He couldnt keep his eyes of her. Then she noticed him starring. She started to walk over. "Quit, here she comes". Jax said. "Well, I have bad news". "Can you fix her". Bobby asked. "What does bad news stand for". "Shes not rideable anymore". "Right Doll". Tig winked at you. You brushed him off. " Well yes, your carburetor is out and your engine is shot". "Okay, thanks". Bobby said walking away. "I can take your bike to any mechanic if you dont want me working on it". "Hey Bobby, do you want her to fix it"? Jax yelled "If I can help her, no one works on my bike with out me". "You cool with that, he knows what hes doing". "Then why couldnt he see that before riding"? You laughed "I dont know". Jax laughed with you Bobby checked to make sure you done everything right. He was so determined to get his bike started. Finally he was satisfied with your work. As you wiped sweat from you forehead, Jax noticed your tattoo. Hes seen it only on one other person Lenny "The Pimp" Janowitz. "Hey". He called you over. "Nice ink". "Thanks". "Whats it mean"? He asked lighting a cigarette. "My grandfather is in prison and I got this to remember him by and he has something like this for me that he done his self". "Why" "I know your grandfather". "His name is Lenny Janowitz". "Yeah, oh shit". You're a son". "We all are". "I'm VP". "Lenny never said nothing about a granddaughter". "He wanted to keep me a secret, incase someone that was looking for him found me". "Yeah I understand that, we got some bad enemies out there". He said blowing out smoke. "You know, those are gonna kill you". Jax laughed. " I'll be fine". "Jax, we're ready". Tig ran over. Jax and you walked over to their bikes. "Hey guys, show some respect". "Shes royalty". "How". "Lenny "The Pimp". "Shes his granddaughter". "Holy shit". "I didnt know Lenny had a daughter much less a granddaughter". Bobby said shocked. "Oh and who ever said I was a lesbian, I'm not". "I like dick, big dicks, huge dicks". You said eyeing Happy. "She got you brother". Juice said. Happy huffed. "Thanks for the help to fix my baby". Bobby said. "No problem, anything to help a son". "Yeah thanks, maybe you could come by the club sometimes and have a drink"? Jax said as he put on his helmet. "Sounds good, here if you need anything on the way like his bike messes up again call me". You gave him a piece of paper. "Alright thanks Darlin". "Bye". You waved as you walked away. Jax looked at the paper, it had your work number and on the bottom it had your cell. That said call me. You looked over your shoulder and you saw Jax smile when he read it. This boy was driving you crazy the way he looked at you. Your grandfather was trying to keep you away from the MC, but some how a blonde charming biker pulled you in. "Sorry Grandfather". You said as you watched them leave.

[bxckyfxcknbxrnes]

Pretence - 3

(Moments) | (Part 1) | (Part 2) | (Part 4) | (Part 5)

summary: “For Nat’s sake, Y/N, will you pretend to be my girlfriend?” words: 1155 warnings: brief description of nsfw content

"Let's play a game!"

You're drunk enough that you can’t remember who'd suggested the drinking game in the first place. Maybe it was Sam. It was probably Sam.

There's a round of 'shit's and 'fuck you's as Natasha spills another carefully articulated statement of 'Never have I ever.' You take a shot too, even though you're not listening at this point.

Your eyes are trained on Bucky Barnes, sitting across from you with nine empty shot glasses, more than anyone else and contrasting Steve's nine full. He's laughing, face flushed from intoxication and heat and lust for the gorgeous woman throwing a wink at Sam as he downs his sixth or seventh glass himself. She's avoiding his gaze, even daring to look at you, but not sparing him a glance as she laughs with the rest of the team.

You don't know what to think of him. He's like a drug– you know he's bad for you. You know that the long term effects of being around him are harmful, that he hurts you more than he makes you feel good, but oh god, you can't get enough. And with the way he's been acting for the past few weeks, with the are you okay's and the arms around your waist, you can't tell what he wants.  

It's Sam's turn to play. His drunk eyes search the room, squinted and devious, lips pursed in drunk concentration. He sees the one remaining shot glass in front of Bucky, and he breaks out into a grin. "Never have I ever…"

He pauses, eyes catching yours. "Never have I ever kissed Y/N!"

A chorus of laughs break out. Clint is giggling, Steve's grinning from ear to ear, and Sam keeps saying, "Drink up, old man."

But Bucky's not laughing. His eyebrows furrow together, flesh hand gripping the shot glass tighter than necessary, and god, he won’t even look at you, longing after Nat who is skillfully laughing along with the others. He closes his eyes for a second, and when he opens them, it’s like there's someone else in his place. Bucky's gone, and the man in front of you is laughing again and joking again and living again, calling Sam out for targeting specifically him because, 'man, what the hell, that's not fair.' Except– when he downs his shot, everyone's too drunk to notice how his eyes stay closed a second too long. You're drunk enough to notice just that.

"Guess you lost, Tin Can," Tony says, breaking out into a fit of laughter.

"Sam cheated," is all Bucky says in reply, grinning as he stands up. He stretches, yawns in a way that's so fake you're surprised that no one calls him out, and then claims that he's tired and going to bed.

Then he saunters off, and you're left staring at the spot where he was sitting and your eyes are stinging because he can't even bare to look at you and a simple statement makes him not even want to be around you and how is he your soulmate when him and Nat are made for each other and you're just an obstacle in between and and and–

"Your turn, Y/N." Someone pulls on your arm, but you shrug them away.

You don't care about this stupid game and your six empty glasses anymore, and– the irony! – you're pulling a Bucky and lying through your teeth when you say that you're tired. And then you're leaving the group of laughing people and storming towards your room, where you're going to do what you should have done months ago. You're going to end this stupid relationship and just tell him and Nat to get together and live their happily ever after and then you're going to leave them the fuck alone.

You're going to go somewhere far away where Bucky won't matter and Nat won't matter and Sam and Steve and Tony won't matter and nobody's going to matter, because you deserve at least some fucking peace.

So when you open the door and barge through to the middle of your room, you're ready for a yelling match. You're ready to tell him to fuck off and leave you alone and that you've had enough and that he can move on with his fucking life because you're going far away. You're ready to be composed and collected and to fight your fight.

You're not ready to find Bucky pushing you against the wall, bringing his mouth so close to your ear that his breathing sends shivers down your back.

"I'm sorry," he says, with the same genuineness that's been tangling the strings of your thoughts into knots you can’t figure out how to undo.  "I'm sorry. You don't deserve this."

You don't know what to do. It's like all the anger just moments ago you were ready to streamline towards him was a balloon that's deflated, and you can't really make sense of everything that's happening around you. "What are you–?"

He puts a finger on your lips, and your words fade into the silence of the room. "I have to do this."

You don't even get a chance to process his words, your mind hazy with all the alcohol you've consumed that night. When his lips touch yours, there's a part of you telling you that you're drunk, that you're going to regret this in the morning, but it's such a small, small part, that it's muffled by the rest of you that's only ever wanted this.

His mouth travels from your lips to the edge of your jaw, leaving sloppy, open mouthed kisses as footprints. It feels as if you've been dropped in a pool of water and your feet can't reach the ground. When his mouth reaches your neck, you can barely stand upright.

"Help me forget her," he croaks into the edge of your collar bone. You moan in response, the feel of his lips against your skin mixing with the whiff of whiskey sending you into euphoria. Your fingers travel down to the hem of his pants, palming him through the fabric of his boxers. "Y/N," he gasps. "Please."

It's then that you start kissing him back, taking the reigns and guiding his hands up your shirt. And god, this is wrong, this is so wrong, but this is all you've ever wanted, and maybe, right now, it's all you need.

You can’t remember your own name when his fingers slip into your folds, and after that all you hear is your name as he eases himself out of you, falling on to the bed with an exhausted sigh.

And as you lay there, bodies glistening with sweat, pulled flush against each other in the heat of the moment, you stare at the beautiful man who's nuzzled against you, eyes closed, chest rising and falling softly.

For the first time in months, you let yourself cry.

Permanent: 

@courtneychicken @deafeninghighheels @finallybreathee @lowkeybuckytrash @buckybaby255 @rockintensse @captangstdean @lizzyhaverty @madam-button-eyes @jacks-on-krack @lost-in-the-stories  @burrbbery @38leticia @ailynalonso15 @aenna-4 @ombrophiliax @mellifluous-melodramas @ellieblair22-blog @aweways @finhabastos @c-maximoffs @fandomtainment @meghancumbercookie@alinalotus @zxcorra @buckybarnesisalittleshit @theskymaiden72 @captainmqmeep@bookaddic @obsessedwithmisha @pleasefixthepain @blazeshira @hollycornish @you-didnt-see-that-cuming @that1awkwardfangirl @crownie-sr @finallybreathee @rileyloves5@afangirlrambles @redroomlullaby @drizzyhoran @theerikasanchez @thyotakukimkim @sebstanthemanxo @attentionseekingprincess

Pretense/Moments Tags: 

@zxcorra @buckybarnesisalittleshit @kiss-my-assbut @ayeebucky @crapythings @captainmqmeep  @angelicshinigami @anethas @kinqshley  @buckyslion @smileahoy @theskymaiden72 @mebeingbored1 @posessedobsessed @fantasiafantasy @fandomtainment @gallifreyansass @daydreamer0307 @webheadparkr @hotstuff-demigods @ouatalways @colouredwater @simplyevansstan @meghancumbercookie @hammersandshields @buckybaby255 @hollycornish @training-wolves @princesshopemmikaelson @procrastinatingvirgo @buckysteetime @redstarstan @supreme-ruler-of-the-nerds @alinalotus @waywardimpalawriter @creideamhgradochas @kawaiikoineko @science-of-deduction-sh @karipaleta @heyyyitshayley @teenagefleabags @caitsymichelle13 @c-maximoffs @animelover460 @procrastinating-angels @selena8712 @hotstuff-demigods @punktomyjerk @passiononfire @thatawkwardtinyperson @damnbuckyishot @tearsandbloodofmyenemies @lilajoy @astralbarnes @adreamemporium @black-eyed-bucky @mismatchedmishap @17baldwinn @finhabastos @potatoandfries @directionerssalute @bxtchybrie @redheadromanoff @crackedsunlight @sassyandclassyx @bxckybaby @trix-are-for-kids @wxnchestervevo @owhatshername1 @musiccoffebook @dreamer821 @marvelavengers8 @dancepartiesforone @sexyvixen7 @bengalikutti @ninab-18 @tigerb103 @thebeirutcompromise @colouredwater @flashingwarning0-0 @marrish-af @nalatheblacklion @mizukilawliet @phanfrickintastic @thewintersdoll @aweways @akiiiiiiiiiii @thenerdinyourclass @siriusblacksbitch @obsessedwithmisha @pleasefixthepain @say-my-name-assbut @lyricsinink @happelu970 @rileyloves5 @lost-along-the-way-3000 @au-revoir-little-biscuit @lolpiesandunicorns @marvelmaxima @heyyyitshayley @chrixa @httpbarnes@miinaa23@kittymxchael @c-maximoffs @plzstoptalkingnow @akm0o@emmaplum@themermaidpirate @karipaleta @finallybreathee @mellifluous-melodramas @xoxoaudreymarie @maece-rette @science-of-deduction-sh@awinterloveuniverse @typical0001 @blackwidovv @fabulous-dani @38leticia@kayleypaige1 @aweways @ellieblair22-blog @sammedrano @intense-sneezing@nativesebby @glitterangell @ombrophiliax @mustached-avenger @hettledettle @aenna-4 @amrita31199 @sarahjeaniejean @melissalovesmusicyay @waywardimpalawriter @fly-f0rever @aeillo @happelu970 @sub-miss-me @you-didnt-see-that-cuming@that1awkwardfangirl @finallybreathee @seargantbcky @katundeadd @crownie-sr@rileyloves5 @feelmyroarrrr @afangirlrambles @redroomlullaby @ailynalonso15@rowmehome @snuggleducky @calaofnoldor @hermosachicaaa @therealme13posts @melconnor2007 @limabeansdunbar @joshuad-n @canumoveyourseatup-no @breezy-blogs @ryverpenrad @fourtayl688 @tomhollands

[little-owly]

On Air

an rp done between me and @trash-2-point-o !! some dark/warf humiliation omo for yall!! hope you enjoy!

Wilford grinned as he bounced in his chair, practically bursting with excitement. He had a very special guest today, and even though he’d had to give up his soul to make him agree (he didn’t need it anyway), it was worth it. He was interviewing the one and only Dark Ip/lier. WOOHOO, CONFETTI. He straightened up as the cameraman signalled him, slapping on his signature grin and smoothing out his mustache (to be completely honest, he had no idea why it grew pink when the rest of his hair was black, but he didnt question it).

Wilford smiled his signature smile once more, his black curls bouncing as he heard the camera yell out an “action!”

“Good evening! I’m your host, Wil/ford War/fsta/che!” the audience cheered, loud exclaims of fans deafening.

“Tonight, we have a special guest. One known to prey upon mortals such as me and you. One known to with hold nothing but evil in his hole known as a heart. The very man who took my soul to just appear tonight – Mr. Darkip/lier!”

The crowd’s reaction turned controversial, half leaving – well, more like screaming – in fear, the other half cheering for the dark entity himself.

The light grew to a dim red, glitching sounds coming from the side of Wilford.

“No worries folks! That’s not our shoddy and weak equipment, just give him time-”

Dark appeared behind him, black smoke flooding the set.

“Goddamn it, I told you to not do that!” Wilford coughs out.

Dark rolled his neck slightly, gazing, unamused, at the other male. “And you think you can control me why?”

With that he strode casually over to the other chair, leaving Wilford to whine as he seated himself.

“Because it’s my show, asshole” he says under his breath as Dark takes his seat.

“So, you’re the evil and dark entity of the ever so lovely and famous Mar/kip/lier, are you not?”

Dark rolls his eyes, the crowd silent as they await his answer.

“Yes.”

“Uh, can you give me a better answer than yes?” Wilford complains, fixing his mustache.

“Indeed.”

“Maybe a, uh, more complex answer?”

“It is confirmed that I am the darker side of the YouTuber known as Mark Fis/chb/ach, or Mar/kip/lier.”

“Ok, you know what-”

the audience watches as Dark’s eyes become black. Wilford still complaining above the worried hushes.

“I thought this interview with some edgy evil twin would go great but nooooo” he drones on as Dark becomes angrier.

“How dare you,” Dark growls.

Wilford frowned, tilting his head. “…What? What’re you so DISGRUNTLED about?”

Dark looks Wilford in the eye (well, Wilford couldn’t actually make out where his eye was, taking in the fact his whole eye was black) and only growls once more, “I’ll give you one chance to actually get this so called interview started before I decide to take matters into my own hands.”

“Oh yeah, and what does that mean? I think you seem to forget this is my show with my name, see? Right there!” Wilford obnoxiously points out, taking a look at the sign behind them.

He didn’t even glance at it, head twitching as he fought back the rage threatening to burst.

“…Are you having a SEIZURE or something?”

Wilford leans forward to take a sip – well, more like a chug – of his water. Watching out the corner of his eye as Dark shakes with rage. His neck cracking as he twitches.

“Geez, don’t break your neck on my show. My ratings would drop-”

Wilford chokes as Dark stands, his strong hand closing around his throat, blocking his airway.

“You just had to fuck up your one last chance, didn’t you?”

“Hey, this show is PG13, can’t say-” Wilford chokes out before the grip on his neck grows tighter.

“I don’t know why I agreed to this. Your soul isn’t worth your insufferable personality.” He glanced to the audience and smirked. Even the more enthusiastic members were starting to get nervous, some already heading for the exit.

“I demand payment for this waste of my time. And I’d like to take it in the form of something else of yours…”

He glanced down at the water bottle, then at the still running cameras, chuckling darkly.

“Your pride.”

Wilford stared back at Dark, a shiver running up his spine as he heard the audience starting to move towards the exits.

“Oh no,” Dark growled, “you all stay here.”

The doors slammed shut, worried murmurs and panicked yells erupting.

“…my pride? Well, what the hell does that mean-”

Wilford nearly choked as the neck of the water bottle pushed past his lips. The cool liquid running down his throat, Wilford struggling to drink it all to avoid choking.

“It’s a bit petty, I admit, but effective.” Dark growled, rolling his eyes and not even flinching as Wilford punched him square in the jaw. “Oh please. You’re trying to harm a demon. How much more pathetic could you get?”

“It was worth a shot,” Wilford groans, holding the hand he used to punch Dark. Was he made out of steel? Why did one punch make him hurt more than Dark?

“I don’t think so,” Dark replied, pushing Wilford back into his seat. He cornered him, picking up the water bottle.

In one swift movement, Dark shoved the water bottle back in Wilford’s mouth.

“Drink. I might let you live after this if you do.”

Wilford didn’t really understand what Dark was trying to do, so he drank, looking more confused than terrified, though both emotions were there. Dark smirked, chuckling darkly. “You have no idea what I’m doing, do you? No matter, you’ll find out soon enough.”

“Other than keeping me well hydrated, no, I don’t know what you’re doing-”

Wilford nearly choked again as Dark slipped the bottle back into his mouth. Dark smirking.

“In due time you’ll see. For now, just drink up.”

Wilford rolled his eyes as he did. More confusion washing over him. Staring up at Dark’s black eyes. The quiet whispers of the audience as they watched the strange interaction.

Soon enough, he finished the bottle, sighing softly. “If you’re trying to DROWN me from the inside out, I’m not too sure how that will take away my PRIDE…”

“Oh, you’ll see. Now, why don’t we continue the interview?” He smiled, but it was a smile that sent bone-chilling shudders down the spines of anyone who saw it, a smile filled with malicious intent.

“You’re serious?! Finally!” Wilford shouts, throwing the water bottle off the set.

Dark takes his seat, a menacing smirk on his lips.

“So, what other questions do you have for me?” Dark replies, his voice low and deep.

“Alright, nevermind the strange occurrence, folks, let’s get RIGHT back into the interview!” The audience clapped nervously and Wilford glared, prompting them to applaud more sincerely. “Thank you. Now, Mr. Dark Ip/lier, would you say you’re perhaps JEALOUS of your counterpart’s successes?”

“I don’t believe so. In theory, his successes are nothing compared to the joy I feel when I have my own…successes.” he replies, scanning the terrified faces of the audience. They had every right to fear him.

“Oh! So what would you say your successes are, Mr. Dark Ip/lier?” Warf questions, stroking his pink mustache. Still wondering how it grew pink in the first place.

“Well, obtaining your soul was one.”

“Good, good, continue…” He could feel a slight pressure in his abdomen, like some outside force was affecting his lower regions. What was he doing?

Dark smirked once more, seeing Wilford cross his leg. He looked down at the spot his bladder would be, focusing on the spot so he could mess with Wilford more.

Wilford winced, trying to keep the interview going. He can handle the pressure in his body. Even if it feels like an outside force is pushing him down. Did Dark even have the power to do something like that?

It felt like something was pushing down as well as filling him up more from the inside, making him clench his legs together tightly. “So, uh…what exactly are you? Are you a DEMON? An evil SPIRIT?”

“I am a demon.”

“I see…”

“Now, how may one summon the almighty Mr. Dark Ip/lier?”

Wilford feels a shiver down his spine as the force fills him again. His bladder growing heavy, the urge to use the bathroom starting to bother him.

He cannot lose this interview, especially for a tiny bathroom break.

Dark smirks, the first signs of discomfort on Wilford’s face. The bright lights of the set making it obvious to him and the cameras.

“Is something wrong, Wilford?”

“Wh-what? No!” he yelled, crossing his arms.

“Odd…your crossed legs and arms convey defensive body language.”

“Absolutely not!” Wilford exclaims, “I’ll have you know I am very much okay and in control!”

Dark laughs, his tone low, “we’ll see about that soon, Wilford.”

Wilford’s expression changes ever so slightly. An uneasy feeling in his gut as his bladder fils again. The need to go becoming much stronger.

He knew what he was doing now, biting his lip. He would rather lose the interview than give him the satisfaction of his embarrassment. “Hang on, viewers, we’re going to take a quick brea-”

He tried to get up, but something held his wrists and ankles in place, like invisible hands. He struggled for a moment, then sighed, flexing his fingers in frustration and panic. “N-nevermind, I guess not…”

“How rude, leaving your guest in the middle of an interview,” Dark replied.

“Yeah, yeah, let’s just get this over with so we can cut to a break.”

“I suppose we could.”

Wilford took a deep breath, he knew he can hold it. He knew Dark was only playing games with him. No way he could give him the satisfaction of his embarrassment, right?

Dark smirks, “Next question?”

He hummed, trying to think of a question Dark could answer quickly. “…S-so what would you do if you met one of those who IDOLIZE you?”

“Hmm…well……” He thought for a moment, purposefully stalling. Wilford bit his lip, toes curling into his shoes.

“…Yes?”

“I’m thinking…”

Wilford waited for another ten seconds before shaking his head quickly. “Alright, next que-ahh-!!” He tensed up as he felt a sudden squeeze on his bladder, gripping the arms of the chair. Dark sneered, growling at him.

“Don’t interrupt me.”

“Can you j-just please answer the question?” Wilford groans, the grip on his bladder tightening. His foot taps impatiently.

Dark crosses his arms, stalling even more. His laugh is slow, watching Wilford squirm.

“Mr. Dark Ip/lier, please just answer the question-”

“Don’t you dare rush me!” Dark yells. The audience gasping in fear. The lights of the set flicker, Wilford groaning. He doubles over, the grip still strong on his bladder, the invisible hands pulling his legs apart.

He rested his chin in his hand to excuse his hunch, thighs quivering and teeth buried in his lip as he struggled to hold himself together.

“…Hmm…….I guess I’d just kill them.”

“Wha-that was it?!” Wilford cried, his voice cracking a bit. “That was all?!”

“I was looking for a true and sincerely answer. Much like I’ll do for the rest of this interview.”

Wilford groans, “come the fuck on-”

“Are you going to ask me another question or not?”

“Actually no! I won’t! That’s the interview, folks! I hope you enj-”

“You’re not going ANYWHERE…” Dark chuckled, standing from his chair. The lights turned on their own to focus directly and only on Wilford and his chair swiveled around so he was facing the audience head on. He yelped and tried to struggle against his invisible bonds, gritting his teeth. “Y-you can’t hold me down forever. Once you get bored of me and let me go-”

“You’ll be crying like the pathetic little baby that you are. Now…” He strode over to him, placing a hand suddenly and firmly on his shoulder. “…we’re going to play a little game…”

Wilford felt a shiver run up his spine yet again. He struggled against his invisible binds.

“What do you mean? You’ll get bored and go bother your alter-”

Wilford gasped, the pressure on his bladder growing firmer, as if it was forcing him to…

“Did someone realize what the game is, or do I have to spell that out for you too?” Dark growled.

The audience was pretty damn sure by this point, some even looking away out of respect.

Wilford couldn’t hold back a whimper, desperately trying to clamp his legs together to no avail.

“Oh no,” Dark whispered, all the audience looking back at Wilford. The ones who turned away found it hard to look away, feeling the same invisible force Wilford felt.

“Just keep those pretty little eyes on him and I’ll let you leave in one piece.”

He threw his head back, laughing deeply. Wilford moaned, his stubbornness breaking down as he tried to break free.

“Don’t do this.” he moans, “think of my ratings-”

“You of all people know there are those out there who would enjoy seeing this more than others…” He looked straight at the camera, grinning and tilting his head. “People who voice their fantasies over the internet…share their art and writing…like all of you reading this.”

Wilford wasn’t listening, his focus on preventing the inevitable. He whimpered loudly, squirming more to try and break free while he was distracted.

A few more moments passed between them. The silent panic of the audience, Wilford’s anxiety rising as the pressure on his bladder grows stronger.

“I must praise you for holding out for as long as you have. Many others would’ve, well, let go by this point.” Dark observes, placing his hands on Wilford’s shoulders.

“Oh, my, the camera is still on,” his hand moves to make Wilford look at the camera, his blush and tears running down his face.

“Knock it off,” Wilford replies weakly, “please.”

“Smile for the camera, baby.”

He turned his head away, but Dark forced it to snap back forward, showing off his tear streaked and sweaty face. It almost made Dark giddy to see him like this. He’d always been such a brat. It felt amazing to finally put him in his place.

Wilford’s eyes widened as he gasped, the pressure turning intense for a few seconds.

He clenched his jaw, feeling himself leak. The small spurt of warm piss staining his pants.

All on display for his audience and viewers.

Dark tightened his grip on Wilford’s chin, forcing him to stare back at the camera. The pressure leaving his bladder, still there, but comfortable enough for him to hold it.

“My, how rude of you, Wilford,” Dark teases, “what have you done? What’s this stain down your leg?”

Wilford only whimpered, crying harder. He flinched as Dark began to raise his voice.

“ANSWER ME.”

“FUCK YOU!!!!!” he cried, finally unable to take the teasing anymore. He whipped his head toward him, managing to catch Dark right in the nose hard enough to make him jolt back. For a fleeting moment, the grip on his wrists and ankles disappeared and he started to jump up, only to be yanked back down into his chair. Dark’s hands clapped onto his shoulders hard, fury practically radiating off of him as he twitched and convulsed.

“You reeeaaally shouldn’t have done that.”

In an instant, his middle visibly receded inward from the force of the invisible hand pressing onto it and he cried out, sobbing and writhing as he tried to fight it.

Wilford doubles over, outright sobbing. A cold sweat breaking out over his body as he tried to bring his legs together.

The hand presses down harder, Wilford begging the cameraman and the audience to look away, turn the equipment off and save his dignity.

“You dare do what he says and I’ll make you bleed out in a matter of seconds. Do you want to leave here alive?” Dark asks.

Wilford groans, another leak running down his leg. Much more noticeable to the audience and camera. The audience completely silent as they watch, some moving their pupils in the other direction. Out of respect for the clearly humiliated Wilford.

Finally, he just couldn’t take it anymore, letting out a loud sob as his muscles relaxed on their own. “Nonononono…”

Dark smirked as he watched the wet stain spread down his legs, yanking Wilford’s head up to show off his sobbing face. The poor man was trembling and crying, breathing heavy and mustache sticky with sweat and snot. “What did I say earlier? ‘You’ll be crying like the pathetic little baby that you are’? I was right, wasn’t I?”

Wilford choked out a tiny yes, wailing as Dark slammed his head into the back of the chair. “SAY IT SO EVERYONE CAN HEAR, YOU WORTHLESS SCRAP OF FLESH!!!!”

“FUCK-Y-Y-YOU WERE RIGHT!!! YOU WERE RIGHT…” he bawled, slumping forward as Dark let go of his hair.

Dark circled him, as if he was sizing him up. Wilford continues to sob, looking at his pathetic expression in the puddle under him.

“So, my dear audience, how does it feel to see your dear host in this state? His true colors showing, seeing him for the pathetic little baby he is?”

The audience stays silent. Dark smirking as he scans the crowd.

Still slumped forward, Wilford began to bawl once more. Watching as Dark stepped in front of him.

“You should clean this up soon. It’ll ruin the set, if you even have this show anymore.”

Wilford sobs again. “Let me go…”

“Hmm…alright, I’ve had my fun.” He snapped his fingers and the invisible bonds were released, Wilford’s legs immediately clamping together and spinning the chair around to turn himself away from the watchful eyes. “I will admit, you were right on one thing. I’ve grown bored of this. You’re not worth much more of my time.”

He turned to the audience, giving a chuckle and a bow. “I hope you enjoyed the show~…” And with that, he was gone in a burst of black smoke, leaving Wilford to wallow in his shame.

Wilford sits there, head in his hands as he sobs again. The audience beginning to move. The cameraman running off, not wanting to stick around to see Dark again.

The audience murmur to each other, watching the chair shake as Wilford cries out more.

“…Wilford?” he hears someone call out. His blood running cold, waiting for the mocking to come.

One of the fans stood, making their way onstage and putting a hand on his shoulder. “…Wilford? It’s ok, hun…”

He choked on a sob, curling up tighter.

The fan slowly began to run tiny circles into his shoulders, relaxing him as much as they could.

He sobbed more, tears staining the front of his shirt. He could hear other fans coming forward, some leaving quickly – having the same fear as the cameraman.

“I…” Wilford choked out, the fan still whispering to him, “it’s okay, just calm down hun.”

“We don’t think any different of you, Wilfy!”

“Yeah! We still love you! Dark can go eat a cactus!”

The fans began bursting with support and positivity, not even mentioning the fact that he’d wet his pants. Wilford smiled through his tears, wiping his face on his sleeve. “Th-thank you…”

“Of course, dude!”

“Remember! War/fsta/che don’t take shit from anybody, including Dark!”

Wilford continued to wipe away his tears, his sleeve damp.

“Want help walking to your dressing room?” the first fan asked, their voice low as Wilford tried to stand on his own. Still getting use to the feeling of moving freely.

He nodded, holding onto their arm to keep himself steady as he staggered offstage.

The fan helped him move along. Wilford limping as his wet pants began to grow cold, sticking to his skin.

“Here we go,” they whispered, opening the dressing room door. Wilford stepping inside quickly. The fan helping him get settled in before turning back around.

“We all still love you Warf, take it easy, okay hun?”

Wilford turned his head to face the fan before they left.

“Thank you so much…” he smiled, blowing the fan a kiss. They smiled back, stepping out and closing the door.

[tumblunni]

One of my other fave cuddles is my gengar named gaspar! I’m really filled with love for him too right now cos I’m learning ev training and apparantly he ended up being perfect for a speedy build, which just seems so cute and fitting for his personality! ^_^ I’m a bit tired so i dunno if I’ll ramble as much about him but here we go!

Gaspar is also a good friend: The Post

He also has a lil story behind how I got him, I think his is the more silly one. See, he’s actually a sinnoh reminder of mine! There’s one ~absolute asshole~ npc in sinnoh who offers you a trade of a haunter for a kadabra, but then when you get it you find out it had an everstone attatched. So she got a trade exclusive evo and left you without yours, and this is friggin AN INGAME NPC! It was so memorable to me because i got trolled by nintendo personally! XD So i wanted to spite that npc by adoring that haunter so much forever. And I kept him for the next decade and loved him a many! I actually kinda got attatched to him being stuck as a haunter forever, cos I didnt have any friends to trade with. Haunter has always been my fave of the evo line, even if i preferred its early design where it was shadowy and had a glowy outline similar to gastly. (I think that stopped in gsc? it was always pure purple in the official art but the spritework looked SO much better...) So I actually ended up irrationally upset when he finally evolved by accident during a trade like six years later. i totally forgot that he even COULD evolve! I feel bad that i was upset at my friend I did the trade with, I knew it was irrational but I still whined like a lil baby. I was all ‘ugh now he’s FAT’ like a stupid hypocrite XD But now that we have mega gengar and i have my own gengar plush at last, ive grown to like it a lot more. And honestly id still be just as attatched to my pokemon even if they completely change appearance, its not like I hated gaspar just because i didnt like the species as much. IM SORRY GASPAR FOR MY DUMB POUTING! You are so cool you changed my mind on gengars!!! Also its a nice excuse to redesign his really old gijinka form I drew once:

Anyway, his personality is a big ol childish goofy lug! He’s kinda similar to the personality i ended up headcanoning for my rotom gizmo all those years later. honestly i always have a sort of perspective on how all ghost pokemon fundementally are, even tho i still try and give them their own personality too. All ghosts are some form of cheerful tricksters, okay! Gaspar in particular is a big snickering lazy loaf of hugs who is absolutely addicted to sugary junk foods. ‘The wonders of the modern world!’ Even though he’s kinda procrastinatey about actually doing what he has to do, he’s very hyper about pulling pranks on everyone and generally being kinda like Loki from norse myth? He’s a bit more morally flexible than the others, or its more like he has trouble remembering what a lot of stuff was like from being human. (I’ll get to his backstory in a bit!) He’s definately a well-intentioned guy but he can be very scary to his enemies, and sometimes accidentally cause problems for the group cos his vices are easily manipulateed. He tends to get stringed along by his ‘ghost instincts’ to pull pranks even when its self destructive, and he always jumps in without thinking. A candy in the middle of a blatantly obvious trap = he registers the candy part and only gets the rest when he’s already captured XD But also he’s probably the member of the older pokemon that’s the most open about his affections. He’s one big ol jolly hug to everyone who asks, and everyone who doesnt! Even though him and Reaper can both be sly together, he doesnt understand this young man’s strange fascination with pretending he doesnt have emotions. Gaspar’s one big driving force behind all his various quirks is that he’s flawlessly honest. He finds it hard to keep quiet when he’s joyous, and everything is made of joy nowadays! He’s just really happy to be alive right now... or, well, “alive”. But also his easily exciteable nature means he blurts out all secrets with no restraint, and has trouble not throwing a childish tantrum whenever the tiniest thing goes wrong. Though, still, he’s very rarely ACTUALLY angry, and will forget about it in like ten seconds. he just kinda enjoys making a fuss XD Then again on the rare occasion he is mad it is because you HURT HIS CHILDREN, and you will really get to see why gengars are known as spirits of vengeance...

So yeah! Backstory! This was actually the first thing I thought up for him, and it shaped his whole character. Again, it all came from that one weird ingame trade! ‘Gaspar’ felt like an odd name to give a random trade, I mean its a cute pun but also its like an olden times name you dont hear often. So I imagined maybe this ghost is the spirit of a human from long ago, and obviously he’d be excited to try modern junk food, etc etc the beginnings of a character! But cos I am blessed with the ability to create sad headcanons out of everything, I... did that! Alas! I somehow got a really sad idea for who this mysterious old human nobleman could have been. I thought maybe he was a guy who was murdered and came back from the grave to take revenge on his killers, but then had to deal with still being stuck here even after his big quest was finished. Making a new life because he cant go back to his old one. Initially the idea was that he was a guy killed on his wedding day, hence the tuxedo in that old design. But he ended up feeling more like an asexual character as I developed him, so thats a bit outdated now. He’s just like the dad of a thousand kids and no wife. Its good that he’s finally happy nowadays with all these new friends! A shame it took that long though, he can barely even remember who he used to be. (A more cynical part of him thinks that maybe going senile is the only reason he’s able to finally let go, and he wonders if he missed many other chances to make a new family cos he was so hung up on mourning a life he couldnt go back to...)

Anyway, even though his powers were born from rage and hatred, he finds that becoming a ghost is the thing that helped him forget all of that. He just has kind of a childlike joy for this stuff. He claims its ‘pokemon instincts’ or whatever and he had no part whatsoever in his own development from a scary anger man into everyone’s dad, but honestly that just seems like he’s making excuses not to give himself credit. there’s nothing here but the fact that his fundemental nature is a kind man who can find wonder in the simplest of things. Yknow, when he isnt being distracted by great tragedy! It was just like ‘wow i’d never thought about it but gaining the ability to fly and walk through walls is pretty kickass’. Think of all the pranking potential! And he proceeded to distract himself from his loneliness by haunting the graveyard and running around wearing bedsheets. But at the same time sneaking around the town and doing good deeds for everyone, even if they were all terrified of him. And no matter how sad he got, he could be cheered up by the tiniest thing like just being able to see the sunset again. He always remembers how scared he was thinking that he was gonna die at such a young age and never get to do so many things... And then his loneliness started easing when he realized he could talk to other pokemon now, and he worked up the courage to leave his grave and travel the world in search of a new place to belong. Then... he ended up with a bunch of shitty trainers!! But at least thankfully he was finally traded to our protagonist and now things are looking up ^_^

Oh and yeah thats why his old design looked so young, even though he was always meant to be the oldest team member. (Not just chronologically I mean, he’s like 300 but he’s like middle age by ghost standards.) Tho really saying he died at a nebulous teen-young adult age was just my excuse because those were the only people I was able to draw at the time. And i was dumb and thought every other sort of more creative design was ‘ugly’ and everyone should be a generic anime bishie :P Honestly redesigning him to look like a cool cuddly butler or a circus ringleader or all the millions of gengar gijinka ideas would be a HUGE improvement for his character! Even if he’s childish he’s still the team dad, yo! Im just worried that I won’t be able to draw a spoopy action pose again, I always felt like that first pic was a huge fluke. It was my best piece of artwork for like four years straight, I barely ever improve :P Also I really liked his hair as a haunter, but funnily enough I designed him like a few months before Charon was revealed, lol. Now it just looks like i tried to copy him! Bishie teen gaspar loses a bit of the appeal when he’s stealing looks from old men XD I’m thinking maybe he could have a cute mustache of some sort now, in the shape of ghosty spikeys? or a top hat that’s spiky on top, or a bunch of other ways to make him resemble gengar’s mohawk without actually having one. Nothing against that hairstyle but it maybe wouldnt work for a middle aged stay at home dad whose greatest form of punk activity is eating frozen poptarts out of the box.

OH WAIT Maybe he could reuse this design I did of myself as a ghost for a meme??

“chubby characters are something I will never draw ever, they can never look cool” said the past bunni, continuing to be incredibly chubb srsly ditching the self hate and doing some stylization lessons is the only place where i can admit my art improved!

[thatdevilsbeverage]

I gotta say, having a husband/spouse who 100% accepts your spookiness is just so liberating, I can be myself and not hide anything

like, I can straight up complain about the sun and that its burning my delicate vampire eyes and he just chuckles, and he’s super serious so if he smiles, its a big deal

I love it

from day 1 when he started flirting with me, sending me those cheesy FB quotes with heart/rose pics I warned him what he was in for with me. I was like, hey, I’m pretty much a witch. his response? he called me his beautiful witch in spanish (he’s Guatemalan). I forget how he phrased it exactly, but it was super sweet

our first halloween together he dressed up as gomez to my morticia (he even shaved his goatee to be just a mustache for the costume!!!)

he is superstitious though. his family believes in some wives tales from back home. his family thinks theres a ghost in his sister’s family’s apartment because the friend that is renting out the extra room swears he saw a little kid standing in the hallway but it wasn’t the sister’s son. so I know they’re open minded about this kind of stuff? which is really awesome. I’m not sure I believe in ghosts/stuff but I want to. I don’t know if that makes sense.

we’ll also share our dreams, from weird to funny ones. which can be super personal and again, I love that we have that openness about our relationship

and also, because he himself is not spooky, its never a competition and he doesn’t joke when I wear colors other than black. in fact, our first valentines day together, he got me a bouquet with a black ribbon instead of red. small details like that just make me all smiley and stuff

I’m less than 5 weeks away from having this baby and I think the hormones are making me extra mushy, but that’s okay. like, I was hugging my toddler while we watched one of his fav movies and he had his arm around my neck and it was so adorable and sweet I almost cried. i did give him a loving raspberry on his face which made him laugh, but i held in my tears. hes too young to understand “happy tears” so i didnt want to confuse him

/rant

[themoneybuff-blog]

Exploring the U.S. by RV: The price of adventure

Shares 352 Two years ago today, Kim and I returned to Portland after fifteen months traveling the United States in an RV. Believe it or not, Ive never published an article about the trip and how much it cost. Although we kept a travel blog for most of the adventure (including a page that documented our expenses), Ive never gathered everything into one place. Until now. Today, I want to share just how much we spent on the journey and some of our favorite stops along the way. It seems like the perfect post to celebrate the start of summer, dont you think? The Lure of Adventure All my life, Ive wanted to take a roadtrip across the United States. When I was young, I was lured by the adventure. I wanted to climb mountains, swim rivers, and explore canyons. The older I got, the more fascinated I became by the countrys regional differences. The U.S. is huge, a fact that most foreign visitors forget. Most American citizens dont even realize how big the country is. I wanted to see and experience it all. Although Ive dreamed of a cross-country roadtrip, its never been practical. As a boy, my family was poor. My parents didnt have money for something like this. As a young adult, I couldnt afford it either. For a long time, I was deep in debt. Besides, where would I find the time? I had to work! To top things off, my wife had zero interest in driving cross country. But in my forties, a curious set of circumstances came together to move my epic roadtrip from dream to reality. One day in early 2014, my girlfriend Kim asked me out of the blue, What do you think about taking a cross-country roadtrip? What did I think? Hell yeah! is what I thought Making a Plan As Kim and I began to discuss this adventure, our biggest concern was money. As a financial writer, Im acutely aware that every dollar I spend today is roughly equivalent to seven dollars I could have in retirement. Every day, I preach the power of saving. I wanted to keep our trip as cost-effective as possible. (Besides, Kim would have to quit her job as a dental hygienist in order to travel a huge financial sacrifice.) My goal was to keep our costs under $50 per person per day. In fact, I had high hopes we could do the trip for $33 per person per day (for a total of $24,000). But the U.S. is expensive. How could Kim and I make this happen? From the start, we knew hotels were out. Even cheap lodging would be far too expensive for us to stay within budget. Personally, I liked the idea of bicycling across the country like my friends Dakota and Chelsea have done. Kim wasnt keen on the idea. (Nor was she willing to make the trip by motorcycle despite being a die-hard Harley girl.) After a lot of research, and after talking with Chris and Cherie from Technomadia, I came to a conclusion: The best balance of cost and comfort would come from crossing the country in an RV. With this bare outline of a plan, the true trip prep began. Searching for Bigfoot After deciding to travel by RV, there were more questions to answer. Neither of us had experience with recreational vehicles. Among other things, we needed to figure out: Should we buy a truck and a trailer?Would it be better to buy a motorhome and tow my 2004 Mini Cooper?What about new or used? With used, you never know what youre getting. But a new RV costs $80,000 or more and loses value quickly.How much space did we need? What kinds of amenities? After crunching the numbers, there was an obvious best choice for us. If we bought a used motorhome, we could tow a car we already owned while (we hoped) avoiding a big hit from depreciation. In fact, if we were diligent every step of the way, it might even be possible to resell our RV after the trip and recoup most of what wed paid for it! We spent the autumn of 2014 patiently sifting through Craigslist ads for used motorhomes. We visited dealerships. We attended the local RV Expo. We walked through dozens of models searching for the right fit. Some were too long. Some were too short. Some were too fancy. Many were run-down and in a state of disrepair. Finally, in early January 2015, we found the perfect rig: a 2005 Bigfoot 30MH29RQ. (Translation: A 29-foot motorhome with a queen bed in the rear.) The owner wanted $38,000 for it a fair price. He wouldnt budge when I tried to negotiate, but I was okay with that. My research revealed he was actually selling a slightly better model, one worth a few thousand dollars more than he was asking. We bought it. [embedded content] Over the next two months, Kim and I prepped Bigfoot for departure. We spent $2000 making minor repairs and installing a towbar on the Mini Cooper. We cleaned the motorhome from top to bottom. We took weekend test trips to RV parks around Oregon and Washington. When all was said and done, wed invested $40,000 to get our caravan ready for the road. Into the West Kim and I left Portland on the morning of 25 March 2015, my forty-sixth birthday. We sped through Oregon we love the state, but were both familiar with it and entered northern California. We spent our first week on the road exploring the Redwoods and weaving through wine country. Along the way, we got a crash course in driving a motorhome. Near Cloverdale, California we took a wrong turn onto a cliff-side gravel road. We stopped immediately. Good thing, too. Turns out a week earlier some other poor soul had driven his RV over the side of the cliff. East of Sacramento, we took another wrong turn and found ourselves driving down a narrow dike road during rush hour while high winds buffeted the RV. Very scary. At times we felt like Lucy and Desi in The Long, Long Trailer, but after a couple of weeks Kim and I had learned how to handle our motorhome, both on the road and off. [embedded content] Early in the trip, our expenses were out of sight. We ate out too often. We bought too much wine. We did too many touristy things without searching for discounts. We rationalized that since we were visiting all of these new places (and might never return), we might as well pay to experience them to the fullest. This was a once-in-a-lifetime adventure, after all. The problem, of course, was that lots of fun costs lots of money. Ten days into the trip, our average spending was over $120 per day (or over $60 per person per day) almost twice what wed hoped to spend. Yikes! We tightened the purse strings. We stopped eating out so much and cooked in the motorhome. (We cook a lot at home normally, so this wasnt a tough transition.) We bought a National Parks pass, perhaps the best purchase of our entire trip. (For an $80 one-time fee, you get one year of unlimited access to all sorts of government-owned sites.) We learned to entertain ourselves at night with books and boardgames and a hard drive filled with old movies and an iPad filled with comic books. During our 33 days in California, we marveled at the states vast variety of terrain. We drove through forests and deserts, skirted ocean cliffsides and walked across mountain streams. We hated L.A. traffic not recommended when youre in a motorhome towing a car but enjoyed almost everything else. We loved Arizona even more. Maybe we had low expectations, but we were blown away by the magnificent scenery of the Grand Canyon state. For nineteen days, we basked in the warm spring sun and admired the colorful rock formations. It was in Arizona that we discovered the joys of drycamping (or boondocking). For the first seven weeks of our trip, we mostly stayed in RV parks and campgrounds. At $20 to $50 per night (with the average park costs around $35), lodging was our biggest expense by far. Drycamping costs nothing. All you do is find a spot where you can legally park for the night National Forest land, a friends driveway, certain businesses and casinos and set up camp. You dont have access to electricity or fresh water, but thats okay. The beauty of an RV is that its self-contained. (Our Bigfoot had a generator for electricity and a 63-gallon freshwater tank.) After boondocking only once during our first 50 days on the road, we managed to live off the grid for 33 of the next 80 nights. Once we began pinching pennies, our travel costs plummeted. We werent spending $120 per day anymore. Our average daily spending fell to $50, which lowered the trip average to about $80 per day. A Costly Repair With all this frugality, did we feel like we were depriving ourselves? Not at all! As we made our way from Arizona to Utah to Colorado, we found we could still afford wine and an occasional restaurant meal. Plus, we were paying to do a lot of touristy things, such as soak in the hot springs in Ouray and ride the narrow-gauge train from Durango to Silverton. At the end of May, we stopped for a week to visit family and friends near Denver. During this break, our RV costs dropped to zero no fuel or lodging expenses while we stayed with Kims mother and hung out with Mr. Money Mustache which allowed us to spend a little more on fun. Good thing too because Fort Collins has a great beer scene. We hit the road again in early June, making our way into Wyoming to visit Yellowstone and the Tetons. We zipped over to Idaho to spend time with Kims father in Sun Valley. From there, we drove north into Montana to lounge around Flathead Lake and explore Glacier National Park. Costs stayed low as we crossed Montana to enter the beautiful Black Hills of South Dakota. After celebrating Independence Day in Deadwood, our average daily spending for the trip was about $84. We felt good about that number. Itd be nice if it were lower, but $42 per day per person seemed reasonable. At that rate, the trip would cost us $30,000 for the entire year. On July 8th, the tenor of our trip changed. So did our costs. We were cruising across the vast emptiness of central South Dakota when the motorhomes engine overheated. We pulled off to give it a rest. The oil level looked fine, but I added more just in case. It didnt help. An hour down the highway, the engine seized up completely. Turns out Bigfoot had spun a bearing and the engine was toast. (Also turns out that spun bearings are not uncommon with this particular engine.) Unfortunately, we were in the middle of nowhere. The nearest town was Plankinton, South Dakota (population 707). Fortunately, the folks in Plankinton were friendly. The owners of the local garage diagnosed the problem and ordered parts. Meanwhile, we got to know the owners of the only RV park in town. We spent ten days drinking beer with Plankintonians while exploring nearby attractions such as the Corn Palace and the real-life homestead of Laura Ingalls Wilder. In the end, the engine repair cost $7751.39. Ouch! We did not count this against our daily trip budget but instead factored it into our overhead, much like we had with the purchase price of the RV. (You might choose to account for it differently.) The Expensive East When the new engine was ready, we waved good-bye to our new friends in Plankinton. We drove through Minnesota to Wisconsin, where we spent a week in the Great North Woods. (At the recommendation of world traveler Gary Arndt, whom we had lunch with near Milwaukee, we took a boat ride out to view the amazing Apostle Islands.) After eating our fill of Wisconsin cheese, we crossed into Michigans upper peninsula and then drove south to Indianas Amish country, where we rested for a week. (We also took the time to dart into Chicago for an overnight trip.) From there, we moved to Indianapolis and Cincinnati. As we made our way east, we noticed some interesting changes. First, there were fewer opportunities for boondocking. Theres less government-owned land in the East than there is in the West. (The western U.S. is largely government land, which means lots of places to camp for free.)Second, while gasoline prices were lower in the east, everything else was more expensive. RV parks were more expensive. Groceries were more expensive. Beer and wine were more expensive. Restaurants, especially, were more expensive. Our average daily spending started to creep upward. By the time we reached Ohio in mid-August, we were shelling out $120 per day again. After 150 days on the road, the average for the entire trip was $93.48 per day (or $46.74 per person). By this point it was clear that we couldnt spend a year on the road for our initial $24,000 budget. (You might, but we couldnt. Not while enjoying the lifestyle we wanted.) Even $30,000 for the year seemed unlikely. We revised our budget upward to $36,000 (or about $50 per person per day) not counting the expensive engine repair. We had plenty in savings, so we could afford to stretch some, but we still wanted to spend as little as possible. From Cincinnati, we traveled to beautiful West Virginia, then north to Cleveland. After that, we hopped over to Niagara Falls, where we camped for a few days at a winery. (We helped bottle brandy and bought a few bottles of wine in exchange for firewood and a place to park.) Stopping in Savannah During September, we sort of lost our steam. The enthusiasm wed had at the start of the trip petered out. Instead of exploring Pennsylvania, New Jersey, and North Carolina, we holed up in the RV and worked. It might sound crazy, but we missed being productive and making money! Being hermits saved us money, of course, but we felt like we were wasting an opportunity. After much discussion, we decided to take a break. We spent a week driving around the eastern seaboard, looking for a place to park for the winter. We fell in love with Savannah, Georgia, so we rented a condo and put the RV in storage. For six months, we lived a relatively normal life. Kim found full-time work as a dental hygienist, and I launched Money Boss (which Ive been folding into Get Rich Slowly since re-purchasing this site). Our six months in Savannah were interesting. I had never lived outside of Oregon, so I suffered some culture shock. I always say that Im relatively conservative for the Portland area but that still makes me pretty liberal for anywhere in the southeastern U.S.! While in Savannah, we didnt just work. We made sure to have some fun too. Over Christmas, we flew to New York City for a long weekend, where we got to hang out with some of our favorite money bloggers. In February, we took a couple of weeks to tour the state of Florida, from Jacksonville to Tampa to Miami to Key West to the Kennedy Space Center. Important note: By this time nearly one year into our trip Kim and I had both started packing on the pounds. Sad but true. We were eating great food and drinking great beer everywhere we went, and we were out of our exercise routine. Not good. After returning from Florida, we began planning for our return trip to Potland. It had taken us six months to make it from the Pacific to Atlanta. It seamed reasonable to budget the same amount of time for heading home. Old Pros If this were a travel blog, Id cover the return trip in depth. A lot of fun stuff happened during our final three months on the road. But this is a money blog, and Im trying to focus this article on the financial side of our journey. As a result, Im going to gloss over a lot. Financially, not much exciting happened. From the start, the return leg felt different. For one thing, we were old pros at the whole RVing thing by this point. At the start of the trip, everything had been new and exciting and even a little scary. A year later, however, Kim and I had things down to a science. We were no longer freaked out by little problems. On our first day back on the road, one of our headlights went out. No problem! Kim promptly repaired it. The return trip felt different too because we spent less time with friends and family. While we did stop to see people along the way, we didnt have nearly as many contacts in southern states as we had in the north. Also, we spent much more time in state parks during the drive home. Traveling east, our camping spots had been varied. Sometimes, we parked in driveways of friends or family. Other times, we did drycamping on Forest Service land. Many of our campsites were located in Thousand Trails parks, which means they were essentially free. (Kim had access to an annual pass through her father.) But these options were few and far between in the Southeast, so we learned to love state parks, which are cheap and plentiful all over the United States. (State parks can get busy on holiday weekends, but otherwise are nearly empty especially midweek.) Finally, we changed the pace of our travel. On the outbound leg, we moved camp every two or three days. (We moved every 2.84 days, to be precise.) But going home, we intentionally slowed down. We tried to say four or five days in each location. (Until we picked up our puppy in Oklahoma about which, more in a moment we moved every 4.25 days.) In short, we stayed in each location nearly twice as long on our way west as we had on our way east. The Journey Home We had intended to spend six months driving home, just as wed spent six months getting to Savannah. That was the plan. We knew that our first two months would be spent carving an S through the southeastern United States. And, surprisingly enough, those two months went as we thought they would. We left Savannah at the end of March and drove to Asheville, North Carolina. (This town is like a training ground for hipster who arent ready for the West Coast, I observed.) We visited Dollywood and Great Smoky Mountains National Park in Eastern Tennessee. We dallied a few days in Nashville home to the worst drivers we encountered on the entire trip (no joke!) where we had a lot of fun immersing ourselves in country music culture. I was pleased to see the Taylor Swift exhibit at the Country Music Hall of Fame! One of our favorite stops on the entire trip came in Lexington, Kentucky. For one, we got to hang out with friends for the first time in months. More than that, northern Kentucky is beautiful, filled with rolling green hills and horse pastures. Kim and I spent our fourth anniversary as a couple watching the races at Keeneland. And, of course, we sampled the Bourbon trail. [embedded content] From Kentucky, we drove west to St. Louis, then to central Missouri. My grandmother was born near Lake of the Ozarks, so I spent my time there trying to imagine what it must have been like for her as a girl 100 years ago. (By the way, did you know that the Ozark Mountains are the opposite of most mountains? Most mountains are formed when land thrusts up from the Earths crust. The Ozarks were formed by erosion when the vast inland sea that once occupied the space between the Rockies and the Appalachians drained away.) Our next stop was special. In late April 2016, we drove into northeast Oklahoma to visit my cousin Gwen and her family. She and her husband Henry moved from Oregon many years ago, and they now own a 100-acre creek hollow outside Tahlequah, Oklahoma. (Tahlequah has two claims to fame. First, its the endpoint of the Trail of Tears. Second, its the setting for Where the Red Fern Grows. In fact, one scene in the book takes place on my cousins property!) From Tahlequah, we doubled back on ourselves, turning east. This part of our trip was educational, to say the least. We got to see some of the poorer parts of the country. We spent a couple of nights in beautiful Hot Springs, Arkansas, for instance. Hot Springs was once a booming resort town, popular with tourists from the East Coast. Today, the downtown area is a hollow core of what it once was (although there are a lot of people doing their best to save it). Memphis was even worse. Kim and I spent several days in the Memphis area, driving down into Mississippi to travel the Blues Highway. This part of the U.S. is poor. Its infrastructure roads and services and so on is falling apart. It was shocking. (About a month after we drove the Blues Highway, we stayed a few days in Natchez, Mississippi, a few hundred miles south. Conditions in that region were even worse.) Our eastward extent ended in Huntsville, Alabama, where we enjoyed spending time with my college roommate and his boyfriend. From there, we headed south to the Gulf of Mexico, which we followed from Gulf Shores, Alabama to New Orleans. Kim and I loved southern Louisiana. The culture is distinct. The people are friendly. The food is amazing. It was here that we realized our favorite parts of the United States are those that retain a distinct character. You see, much of the U.S. has become homogenized. Indianpolis could be Orlando could be Sacramento could be Cleveland. No knock on any of these cities, but theres a sameness about them despite the unique aspects of each of them. Cities like Miami and New York and New Orleans, however, feel very different. Theyre unique. They have a unique culture, and they cling to it in the face of pressure to conform. As a result, theyre the most fun places to visit. (In each case, we believe this is because the population of these places is so diverse.) Our leg across the Mississippi to Houston was interesting. And frustrating. It was the Friday of Memorial Day weekend 2016, and the heavens opened up. It rained and rained and rained. Texas isnt equipped to handle so much rain. There was flooding everywhere, and roads became impassable. What ought to have been a five-hour drive to our campground turned into eight or nine hours of struggling to get where we wanted to go. We had to change plans and camp at the first place we could find with open space. As you know, Texas is h-u-g-e. I mentioned earlier that the United States is larger than most folks realize. Well, Texas is too. During our nearly two weeks there, we visited Houston, San Antonio, Austin, and Dallas. Even with all of that driving, we barely scratched the surface of the state. The Home Stretch At this point, we were just over two months into our planned six-month return trip. We had planned to head toward west Texas, then revisit some of our favorite western spots from the previous year. That plan changed when: The couple who had been watching our condo in Portland found a home of their own. The extended housesitting gig worked out well for them because they were between places. It gave them time to be patient and purchase the perfect house. But once they found it, they were eager to leave. (And understandably so.) As a result, we needed to return to Portland sooner than anticipated.We got a dog. When wed stopped in Tahlequah, Oklahoma in late April, Kim fell in love with a litter of puppies. Can we take one home? she asked. At the time, I argued against it. But over the next few weeks, she whittled down my defenses. By the time we reached Dallas just a few hours from Tahlequah I agreed we could get a dog. So, after our time in Dallas, we returned to the 100-acre creek hollow where my cousin lives. We picked out our puppy (which we named Tahlequah, naturally) and spent a few days getting her used to the RV. When we felt like she was ready, we hit the road making a bee-line directly for home. But even when youre trying to make tracks in an RV, things still take time. Despite the fact that we were rushing the last part of the trip, it took us three weeks to get from northeastern Oklahoma to northwestern Oregon. We spent our first two nights with the puppy in tiny Kingman, Kansas. There, we enjoyed one of our favorite campsites: An entire country fairground where we were the only guests. We had the run of the place, which was awesome because we could get the puppy used to us and we could get used to her. Plus, the fairground was cheap cheap cheap. Note: By the way, we found this location with our copy of the book Free and Low-Cost Campgrounds, which was a godsend on the trip. Although were all accustomed to great cell service in cities, the reality is that most of the U.S. has shitty coverage. Theres just no need for it in sparsely populated areas, and most of the U.S. is sparsely populated. (This fact surprised me, by the way. For some reason, I thought the reality was population density but the opposite is true.) As a result, when youre doing an extended road trip, you need important info in print format. From Kansas, we drove through the most barren stretch of our entire trip eastern Colorado to visit Kims mother in Fort Collins (and to see our pal Mr. Money Mustache once more). Then we burned rubber (literallytwo of the RV tires started to fall apart!) to make it to her father outside Boise. We spent the last two days of the trip visiting my brother in central Oregon, then on 29 June 2016, we pulled into Portland. At long last, we were home. Culture Shock at Home Once Kim and I returned home, we experienced unexpected culture shock. After fifteen months of what was essentially an extended holiday (despite the fact we both worked in Savannah), normal life feltwell, normal life felt crazy. We were overwhelmed by the busy-ness of it all: the pace, the scheduling, all of the requests for time and attention. Why is this so tough for us? I asked after a couple of weeks at home. I dont know, Kim said. But it sucks. She was right. It did suck. About that time, I read Guardians of Being, a short book that mixes the philosophy of Eckhart Tolle with the animal art of Patrick McDonnell (from Mutts). Tolle, of course, is best known for his massive bestseller, The Power of Now, which encourages readers to get out of their heads and be more present in the moment. I was struck by this quote from Guardians: Most of us live in a world of mental abstraction, conceptualization, and image making a world of thought. We are immersed in a continuous stream of mental noiseWe get lost in doing, thinking, remembering, anticipating lost in a maze of complexity and a world of problems. While we were on the road, Kim and I lived in the Now. We were always present in the moment. We might have vague plans for where we wanted to be in a few days or a few weeks, but mostly we made things up as we went along. Where do you want to go next? Kim might ask, and then wed pick a spot. Where should we camp tonight? I might ask as we drove to the new town, and Kim would find a campground. What should we do for dinner? Should we visit that park? This site is awesome lets stay a few more nights. Nearly everything we did was spontaneous. We had no plans or commitments and it was wonderful. But back home, even without jobs to go to and few plans, the pace of modern life was staggering. We were always doing something with somebody. We scheduled appointments and anticipated commitments. We had to-do lists. We went to the gym three mornings a week, took the puppy to puppy classes, agreed to help colleagues, and so on. There was so much going on that there was never a chance to simply be present in the Here and Now. We had no margin in our lives. And the stuff! There was so much stuff! We had few possessions in the motorhome; we didnt miss what we did not have. At home, even though we had less than many folks, we were surrounded by tons of stuff. Tons of stuff! So many books! So many clothes! So many dishes! So much in every closet and cupboard. Kim and I were overwhelmed because we made a sudden transition from doing and having very little to doing and having a lot. All of the stuff and commitments comes with mental baggage. It takes brainwidth. Even after we had settled down, we found it tough to resume normal life. Kim went back to work four days a week as a dental hygienist. I resumed writing and giving speaking gigs. We did our best to return to our old lifebut it all felt wrong, like old clothes that no longer fit. So, we bought a place in the country. We have access to the city when we want it. Mostly, though, we stay at home and enjoy the relaxed pace with our ever-growing zoo. It feels good to not be racing around so much. It feels nice to just be, you know? Getting Rid of Bigfoot Aside from the culture shock, Kim and I faced another problem upon our return. We no longer needed a motorhome. It was time to sell our loyal companion. For some reason, we thought selling the RV would be simple. It wasnt. From the time we started the process which was eight or nine months after returning home it took a year to actually get rid of Bigfoot. We started by listing the rig on both Craigslist and RV Trader. Plus, I created a sales page that contained more information than we could fit in a normal advertisement. We waited. And waited. And waited. Nobody seemed interested. Maybe were asking too much, Kim suggested after a few months with zero responses. We had purchased the RV for $38,000, remember, and then spent nearly $8000 to replace the engine. By our reckoning, we had a $46,000 vehicle on our hands (and wed made other upgrades too!) so we wanted $40,000 in return. Nobody wanted to pay $40,000. We lowered the price to $38,000. As a result, we received a few email inquiries, but nobody came out to see the RV in person. We lowered the price to $35,000. We got more email inquiries, but still nobody wanted to view it. When we lowered the price to $32,000, we finally got a reasonable number of responses and had a few people come out to take a look at the motorhome. We also learned that the price wasnt the only thing holding people back. To us, the fact that Bigfoot had a new engine was a selling point. Turns out, thats a red flag to a lot of people. Their reasoning is that if the engine went out once, itll go out again. This baffles me, but thats what people were telling us. Weve got to get rid of that thing, Kim said last Christmas. I know, I said. Its an albatross. Lets lower the price to $30,000. After we lowered the price to $30,000, we immediately had buyers interested. We were flooded with email. One guy drove out right away to look at the RV. I cant have money for you until Monday, he told us. Will you hold it for me? Given our inability to sell the thing, you might think wed take him up on his offer. But we didnt. The next day, a couple drove seven hours from Sandpoint, Idaho to look at the motorhome. Weve been looking all over for a Bigfoot! they told us. After several hours of inspecting the rig, they made us an offer: $28,000. We accepted. After three years of ownership, we were rid of the RV. The Great Reckoning So, this is a money blog. The most important question to answer is: How much did this trip cost us? Great question. We dont have a precise answer, but Ill share as many numbers as I can so that you can decide whether a trip like this would be worth it for your family. Because Im a money nerd, I keep detailed stats on most of my life. The RV trip is no different. I have a spreadsheet with detailed trip info, and I published trip stats at my travel blog. Here are some highlights: During 283 days on the road, we spent 371.3 hours (15.5 days total!) driving the RV across the U.S. We put 17,250 miles on the motorhome and 17,718 miles on the Mini Cooper. Thats a total of 34,968 miles driven about 1.5 times the circumference of the Earth! Between the two vehicles, we drove an average of 120 miles per day.Everyone wonders about fuel efficiency in an RV. Well, it sucks. We had hoped to average 10 miles per gallon; we got 7.7. (No, replacing the engine didnt make things better.) The motorhome consumed 2202.6 gallons of fuel at an average price of $2.48 per gallon. It cost us 32 cents per mile to drive that beast and thats only counting gasoline.On the first leg of the trip, we spent a total of $17,137.07 for budgeted daily items. Fuel and routine maintenance for the motorhome and car ate up a third of that budget. Food (both groceries and restaurants) consumed another third. We spent $3086 on lodging, which works out to $16.24 per night. The remaining $2000 was spent on alcohol, fun, and miscellaneous expenses. (Our stats for the return leg werent as detailed.)About two-thirds of our nights were spent in campgrounds or RV parks. We drycamped 19% of the time on the way east (but not once on the way home). We spent 18% of our nights in somebodys home or driveway. We visited 38 states. We spent the most time in California (33 nights) and Colorado (25 nights). We loved them all.Arizona and West Virginia were the two most beautiful states we saw on our trip, although the area around Jackson, Wyoming was probably the single prettiest place. Charleston, South Carolina and Lafayette, Louisiana had the best food (the Midwest had the worst) and Ommegang Brewery in Cooperstown, New York had the best beer. The worst drivers? Orlando, Savannah, and especially Nashville. To me, the most important numbers is what Id call our base costs. These are the combination of gas and lodging, the costs for keeping the RV in action. During the first leg of our trip, our base costs were $35.09 per day (with an overall cost of $90.20 per day). During the second leg, our base costs were $41.25 per day (and I didnt keep track of total costs). How much you would spend beyond these base costs is, well, up to you. Obviously, we were spending an extra $50 to $60 per day, or about $25 to $30 per person. This includes food and fun but it does not include the cost of the RV and/or maintenance. (Our net cost for the RV was $10,000 $38,000 purchase price, $28,000 sale price plus the $7751.39 for engine replacement.) And dont forget that we spent about $2000 to furnish the RV before setting out, plus had to make miscellaneous repairs. My guess (and this is only a guess) is that our total cost for for the RV trip outside daily expenses was $23,500. This equates to about $80 per day. If you add this to our ongoing daily expenses, you get a total of $170 per day. Lets round that to $175 per day. [Note that these are corrected numbers. My original calculation of daily cost forgot the engine repair. Oops.] All told, to live like we did on the road which was living well it cost about $180 per day (or about $5400 per month) for two people. Im sure it can be done for less. And we met tons of people who spend much more. I realize that not everyone can afford this sort of adventure. Nor do many people have the ability to pick up and leave their lives for six or twelve or eighteen months. In other words, this isnt the sort of trip that everyone has the time and money to make happen. But for those who do have the resources, exploring the United States by motorhome can be relatively affordable especially if your engine doesnt need to be replaced! On the Road Again? Heres the thing: Our story is not unique. Theres this idea that RVing is only for old people with more time and money than sense. Sure, there are plenty of retired couples out there in brand-new $200,000 luxury motorhomes, but there are also a surprising number of younger couples on the road full time including couples with kids! Everyone we talked to reported the same thing: If youre careful, its perfectly possible to live large in a motorhome on a modest budget. There are plenty of awesome side-effects too. The trip strengthened my relationship with Kim. (If you can make things work in 245 square feet, you can certainly do it in a larger space!) It taught us that we need far less Stuff to live than we thought. The best side effect of all? Realizing just how awesome everybody is. Im not joking. The media has whipped us into a state of hysteria in this country. The Left hates the Right. The Right hates the Left. Nobody talks or takes time to understand the other side. Thats bullshit, to be honest. During our fifteen months away from Portland, we had two bad experiences and they werent even that bad. (Maybe the people were just having off days?) Universally, everybody was friendly and polite and fun. This morning, as I was finishing this article, Kim and I got to talking. Wouldnt it be fun to do a trip like that again? she asked. Maybe we should buy another RV. Haha. Maybe. I told her we should put it off until next year. Our adventure across the U.S. truly was the trip of a lifetime. What are you waiting for? If you too have always dreamed of an epic cross-country roadtrip, get cracking. Draw up a plan. Save your money. Make it happen. Shares 352 https://www.getrichslowly.org/us-by-rv/

[fxrcfly]

Btw guys, I need your help with something... If there is anyone, who knows how to emotionally/mentally close yourself off for a while or how to deal with unpleasant situations at work (!!) which you can’t get out of, please take a look under the read more!

WARNING! There will be mature themes, mention of sa.dism/mas.ochism and mention of hum.iliation.

I know my blog isn’t popular or anything, I don’t get likes on posts unless it’s a plot I’ve reblogged, but I hope someone will open this page and read it. And maybe even help me.

My parents don’t know how to close yourself off, neither does my bff, so I’m coming to you, my followers.

First of all, I work at a copy center as a computer operator. What do I do? Mostly I do regular printing on all the standard paper sizes, I print of regular paper, photo paper, postcard paper, magnetic paper etc, I print plane tickets, thesis, blueprints, posters, photobooks, canvas, pictures etc, basically anything you can imagine. Almost. And I do scanning (that’s when, for example, you need to get a document from paper to PDF and send to an email or something (for those who know what scanning is - you’d be surprised how many people don’t know the difference between scanning something and making a plain copy of something)).

Now that you know what I do at work, I can tell you about this one client who makes me feel very uncomfortable and uneasy. There is this one old guy, for whom I have scanned pictures three times already. He has grey hair, a bit pervy mustache and he always seems happy to be here. Well, his looks doesn’t matter, I have no problem with that, but the things he asks me to scan for him....... The first time I met him I got lucky I guess. It wasn’t anything disturbing, but the second time... He needs us to scan him magazine clippings with naked women and naked men clearly taken from some kind of erotic newspapers and magazines, most of them are drawings, cartoons or something. But this time there were A5 sized fully naked women with texts where men were humiliated, degraded, called low-lifed animals. And that’s not it. He needs us to edit those cut-outs in photoshop (resize and crop them) and then he wants us to put multiple pictures on one page and then print it out multiple times. In total it takes 30-40 minutes to do everything he needs for him to leave.

We have a rule a rule at work, that we can’t look/read the things out clients bring us to copy and scan, but FUCK! You need to be blind not to even have a small glance at what you need to scan to do it properly and not just like ‘let’s just not look and throw it on the scanner like some toilet paper’. And those texts glued on those pictures... I try my best to not read them and not to look at those pictures in general, but I can’t help if there are a couple of words that stands out. And there was this uneasy, kinda panicky feeling, like I wanted to just turn around and walk away to the back room to be far away from it. Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not judging him by what he likes, it’s just he’s a complete stranger standing in front of me, I don’t know anything about him, not a name or anything, just the fact that he gets off to these things! I DON’T WANT TO KNOW THAT!! I DON’T WANT TO FUCKING KNOW! And he looks at me like this is no big deal. Well, congrats that you are so comfortable with it, but I DON’T LIKE THIS SHIT, IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I’M ABOUT TO HAVE AN ANXIETY ATTACK FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE. Well, of course there is this other side of it - we all are grown people, we all have seen porn at some point, but coming with it to a public place and make someone look at it at their workplace when they are least expecting it and make them feel shitty is just... Idk, I’m at loss of words.

That day after I finished my shift I walked out of the building and somehow managed to lock it away, forget about it. But then came the worst part - the next morning. As I entered the building I was scared to see that man again waiting in the line for scanning again. I didn’t feel safe at my workplace.

I wrote an email to the personnel guy, he didnt know what to do either, he promised to email this to our boss and ask her what would be the best thing to do in this situation, because I can’t give this guy to another colleague and make them deal with this, I can’t refuse to scan his pictures, because it turns out we have done it in the past (but no one had said anything) (and in our company the client always comes in the 1st place)...

(And not to mention the fact that sometimes there are kids running around while their parents are waiting in the line for printing or copying and they can see these pictures anytime)

To be honest I wouldn’t have written anything about this on here, but this guy came in today too, I called the next umber in line and he came smiling towards me. This time I knew what to expect, but nevertheless I felt uncomfortable. And this time I even felt sick to my stomach, I don’t know why. My body just reacted this way. And this time some of those pictures were literal porn.

So... The question is, how to not be affected by seeing something like this? Should I try to think about a meadow full with flowers? That sounds dumb, I know, but I really have no idea how to deal with this. Every time I see him now my insides twist and turn and I just feel sick. Maybe you have some experience with something like this (I hope not tho) and you could share your story? You know, days go by and I forget about this guy, but then I see him again and all of this bugs me again. I’m already sick of it! I honestly don’t know what to do. And I know, one option is to just say fuck it and change the job. In fact I’ve been wanting to do that since September/October, but since I have already quite big vacation plans for the end of this month I couldn’t afford to change jobs, because I wouldn’t get paid vacation at the end of January. And besides it pays quite okay. But to deal with clients like this one... I don’t think it’s gonna cut it.

Btw one of the things we offer are ‘designing’. Basically, if we need to do editing for our clients it costs 0.25 EUR for 1 minute. Last time he paid around 35 EUR (around 42$) total, this time it was 48 EUR (around 57$), because color scanning, color printing, there were around 20 pictures and I had to edit them all. I’m hoping he’d understand that we are too expensive for his needs and he’d get a 2-in-1 scanner and printer of his own. Really, just look! He came here two times and he could already buy himself a printer for that money. 

[themoneybuff-blog]

Exploring the U.S. by RV: The price of adventure

Shares 348 Two years ago today, Kim and I returned to Portland after fifteen months traveling the United States in an RV. Believe it or not, Ive never published an article about the trip and how much it cost. Although we kept a travel blog for most of the adventure (including a page that documented our expenses), Ive never gathered everything into one place. Until now. Today, I want to share just how much we spent on the journey and some of our favorite stops along the way. It seems like the perfect post to celebrate the start of summer, dont you think?

The Lure of Adventure All my life, Ive wanted to take a roadtrip across the United States. When I was young, I was lured by the adventure. I wanted to climb mountains, swim rivers, and explore canyons. The older I got, the more fascinated I became by the countrys regional differences. The U.S. is huge, a fact that most foreign visitors forget. Most American citizens dont even realize how big the country is. I wanted to see and experience it all. Although Ive dreamed of a cross-country roadtrip, its never been practical. As a boy, my family was poor. My parents didnt have money for something like this. As a young adult, I couldnt afford it either. For a long time, I was deep in debt. Besides, where would I find the time? I had to work! To top things off, my wife had zero interest in driving cross country. But in my forties, a curious set of circumstances came together to move my epic roadtrip from dream to reality. One day in early 2014, my girlfriend Kim asked me out of the blue, What do you think about taking a cross-country roadtrip? What did I think? Hell yeah! is what I thought Making a Plan As Kim and I began to discuss this adventure, our biggest concern was money. As a financial writer, Im acutely aware that every dollar I spend today is roughly equivalent to seven dollars I could have in retirement. Every day, I preach the power of saving. I wanted to keep our trip as cost-effective as possible. (Besides, Kim would have to quit her job as a dental hygienist in order to travel a huge financial sacrifice.) My goal was to keep our costs under $50 per person per day. In fact, I had high hopes we could do the trip for $33 per person per day (for a total of $24,000). But the U.S. is expensive. How could Kim and I make this happen? From the start, we knew hotels were out. Even cheap lodging would be far too expensive for us to stay within budget. Personally, I liked the idea of bicycling across the country like my friends Dakota and Chelsea have done. Kim wasnt keen on the idea. (Nor was she willing to make the trip by motorcycle despite being a die-hard Harley girl.) After a lot of research, and after talking with Chris and Cherie from Technomadia, I came to a conclusion: The best balance of cost and comfort would come from crossing the country in an RV. With this bare outline of a plan, the true trip prep began. Searching for Bigfoot After deciding to travel by RV, there were more questions to answer. Neither of us had experience with recreational vehicles. Among other things, we needed to figure out: Should we buy a truck and a trailer?Would it be better to buy a motorhome and tow my 2004 Mini Cooper?What about new or used? With used, you never know what youre getting. But a new RV costs $80,000 or more and loses value quickly.How much space did we need? What kinds of amenities? After crunching the numbers, there was an obvious best choice for us. If we bought a used motorhome, we could tow a car we already owned while (we hoped) avoiding a big hit from depreciation. In fact, if we were diligent every step of the way, it might even be possible to resell our RV after the trip and recoup most of what wed paid for it! We spent the autumn of 2014 patiently sifting through Craigslist ads for used motorhomes. We visited dealerships. We attended the local RV Expo. We walked through dozens of models searching for the right fit. Some were too long. Some were too short. Some were too fancy. Many were run-down and in a state of disrepair. Finally, in early January 2015, we found the perfect rig: a 2005 Bigfoot 30MH29RQ. (Translation: A 29-foot motorhome with a queen bed in the rear.) The owner wanted $38,000 for it a fair price. He wouldnt budge when I tried to negotiate, but I was okay with that. My research revealed he was actually selling a slightly better model, one worth a few thousand dollars more than he was asking. We bought it. [embedded content] Over the next two months, Kim and I prepped Bigfoot for departure. We spent $2000 making minor repairs and installing a towbar on the Mini Cooper. We cleaned the motorhome from top to bottom. We took weekend test trips to RV parks around Oregon and Washington. When all was said and done, wed invested $40,000 to get our caravan ready for the road. Into the West Kim and I left Portland on the morning of 25 March 2015, my forty-sixth birthday. We sped through Oregon we love the state, but were both familiar with it and entered northern California. We spent our first week on the road exploring the Redwoods and weaving through wine country.

Along the way, we got a crash course in driving a motorhome. Near Cloverdale, California we took a wrong turn onto a cliff-side gravel road. We stopped immediately. Good thing, too. Turns out a week earlier some other poor soul had driven his RV over the side of the cliff. East of Sacramento, we took another wrong turn and found ourselves driving down a narrow dike road during rush hour while high winds buffeted the RV. Very scary. At times we felt like Lucy and Desi in The Long, Long Trailer, but after a couple of weeks Kim and I had learned how to handle our motorhome, both on the road and off. [embedded content] Early in the trip, our expenses were out of sight. We ate out too often. We bought too much wine. We did too many touristy things without searching for discounts. We rationalized that since we were visiting all of these new places (and might never return), we might as well pay to experience them to the fullest. This was a once-in-a-lifetime adventure, after all. The problem, of course, was that lots of fun costs lots of money. Ten days into the trip, our average spending was over $120 per day (or over $60 per person per day) almost twice what wed hoped to spend. Yikes! We tightened the purse strings. We stopped eating out so much and cooked in the motorhome. (We cook a lot at home normally, so this wasnt a tough transition.) We bought a National Parks pass, perhaps the best purchase of our entire trip. (For an $80 one-time fee, you get one year of unlimited access to all sorts of government-owned sites.) We learned to entertain ourselves at night with books and boardgames and a hard drive filled with old movies and an iPad filled with comic books.

During our 33 days in California, we marveled at the states vast variety of terrain. We drove through forests and deserts, skirted ocean cliffsides and walked across mountain streams. We hated L.A. traffic not recommended when youre in a motorhome towing a car but enjoyed almost everything else.

We loved Arizona even more. Maybe we had low expectations, but we were blown away by the magnificent scenery of the Grand Canyon state. For nineteen days, we basked in the warm spring sun and admired the colorful rock formations.

It was in Arizona that we discovered the joys of drycamping (or boondocking). For the first seven weeks of our trip, we mostly stayed in RV parks and campgrounds. At $20 to $50 per night (with the average park costs around $35), lodging was our biggest expense by far. Drycamping costs nothing. All you do is find a spot where you can legally park for the night National Forest land, a friends driveway, certain businesses and casinos and set up camp. You dont have access to electricity or fresh water, but thats okay. The beauty of an RV is that its self-contained. (Our Bigfoot had a generator for electricity and a 63-gallon freshwater tank.)

After boondocking only once during our first 50 days on the road, we managed to live off the grid for 33 of the next 80 nights. Once we began pinching pennies, our travel costs plummeted. We werent spending $120 per day anymore. Our average daily spending fell to $50, which lowered the trip average to about $80 per day. A Costly Repair With all this frugality, did we feel like we were depriving ourselves? Not at all! As we made our way from Arizona to Utah to Colorado, we found we could still afford wine and an occasional restaurant meal. Plus, we were paying to do a lot of touristy things, such as soak in the hot springs in Ouray and ride the narrow-gauge train from Durango to Silverton. At the end of May, we stopped for a week to visit family and friends near Denver. During this break, our RV costs dropped to zero no fuel or lodging expenses while we stayed with Kims mother and hung out with Mr. Money Mustache which allowed us to spend a little more on fun. Good thing too because Fort Collins has a great beer scene.

We hit the road again in early June, making our way into Wyoming to visit Yellowstone and the Tetons. We zipped over to Idaho to spend time with Kims father in Sun Valley. From there, we drove north into Montana to lounge around Flathead Lake and explore Glacier National Park. Costs stayed low as we crossed Montana to enter the beautiful Black Hills of South Dakota.

After celebrating Independence Day in Deadwood, our average daily spending for the trip was about $84. We felt good about that number. Itd be nice if it were lower, but $42 per day per person seemed reasonable. At that rate, the trip would cost us $30,000 for the entire year. On July 8th, the tenor of our trip changed. So did our costs. We were cruising across the vast emptiness of central South Dakota when the motorhomes engine overheated. We pulled off to give it a rest. The oil level looked fine, but I added more just in case. It didnt help. An hour down the highway, the engine seized up completely. Turns out Bigfoot had spun a bearing and the engine was toast. (Also turns out that spun bearings are not uncommon with this particular engine.)

Unfortunately, we were in the middle of nowhere. The nearest town was Plankinton, South Dakota (population 707). Fortunately, the folks in Plankinton were friendly. The owners of the local garage diagnosed the problem and ordered parts. Meanwhile, we got to know the owners of the only RV park in town. We spent ten days drinking beer with Plankintonians while exploring nearby attractions such as the Corn Palace and the real-life homestead of Laura Ingalls Wilder.

In the end, the engine repair cost $7751.39. Ouch! We did not count this against our daily trip budget but instead factored it into our overhead, much like we had with the purchase price of the RV. (You might choose to account for it differently.) The Expensive East When the new engine was ready, we waved good-bye to our new friends in Plankinton. We drove through Minnesota to Wisconsin, where we spent a week in the Great North Woods. (At the recommendation of world traveler Gary Arndt, whom we had lunch with near Milwaukee, we took a boat ride out to view the amazing Apostle Islands.)

After eating our fill of Wisconsin cheese, we crossed into Michigans upper peninsula and then drove south to Indianas Amish country, where we rested for a week. (We also took the time to dart into Chicago for an overnight trip.) From there, we moved to Indianapolis and Cincinnati. As we made our way east, we noticed some interesting changes. First, there were fewer opportunities for boondocking. Theres less government-owned land in the East than there is in the West. (The western U.S. is largely government land, which means lots of places to camp for free.)Second, while gasoline prices were lower in the east, everything else was more expensive. RV parks were more expensive. Groceries were more expensive. Beer and wine were more expensive. Restaurants, especially, were more expensive. Our average daily spending started to creep upward. By the time we reached Ohio in mid-August, we were shelling out $120 per day again. After 150 days on the road, the average for the entire trip was $93.48 per day (or $46.74 per person). By this point it was clear that we couldnt spend a year on the road for our initial $24,000 budget. (You might, but we couldnt. Not while enjoying the lifestyle we wanted.) Even $30,000 for the year seemed unlikely. We revised our budget upward to $36,000 (or about $50 per person per day) not counting the expensive engine repair. We had plenty in savings, so we could afford to stretch some, but we still wanted to spend as little as possible. From Cincinnati, we traveled to beautiful West Virginia, then north to Cleveland. After that, we hopped over to Niagara Falls, where we camped for a few days at a winery. (We helped bottle brandy and bought a few bottles of wine in exchange for firewood and a place to park.)

Stopping in Savannah During September, we sort of lost our steam. The enthusiasm wed had at the start of the trip petered out. Instead of exploring Pennsylvania, New Jersey, and North Carolina, we holed up in the RV and worked. It might sound crazy, but we missed being productive and making money! Being hermits saved us money, of course, but we felt like we were wasting an opportunity. After much discussion, we decided to take a break. We spent a week driving around the eastern seaboard, looking for a place to park for the winter. We fell in love with Savannah, Georgia, so we rented a condo and put the RV in storage. For six months, we lived a relatively normal life. Kim found full-time work as a dental hygienist, and I launched Money Boss (which Ive been folding into Get Rich Slowly since re-purchasing this site).

Our six months in Savannah were interesting. I had never lived outside of Oregon, so I suffered some culture shock. I always say that Im relatively conservative for the Portland area but that still makes me pretty liberal for anywhere in the southeastern U.S.! While in Savannah, we didnt just work. We made sure to have some fun too. Over Christmas, we flew to New York City for a long weekend, where we got to hang out with some of our favorite money bloggers. In February, we took a couple of weeks to tour the state of Florida, from Jacksonville to Tampa to Miami to Key West to the Kennedy Space Center.

Important note: By this time nearly one year into our trip Kim and I had both started packing on the pounds. Sad but true. We were eating great food and drinking great beer everywhere we went, and we were out of our exercise routine. Not good. After returning from Florida, we began planning for our return trip to Potland. It had taken us six months to make it from the Pacific to Atlanta. It seamed reasonable to budget the same amount of time for heading home. Old Pros If this were a travel blog, Id cover the return trip in depth. A lot of fun stuff happened during our final three months on the road. But this is a money blog, and Im trying to focus this article on the financial side of our journey. As a result, Im going to gloss over a lot. Financially, not much exciting happened. From the start, the return leg felt different. For one thing, we were old pros at the whole RVing thing by this point. At the start of the trip, everything had been new and exciting and even a little scary. A year later, however, Kim and I had things down to a science. We were no longer freaked out by little problems. On our first day back on the road, one of our headlights went out. No problem! Kim promptly repaired it.

The return trip felt different too because we spent less time with friends and family. While we did stop to see people along the way, we didnt have nearly as many contacts in southern states as we had in the north. Also, we spent much more time in state parks during the drive home. Traveling east, our camping spots had been varied. Sometimes, we parked in driveways of friends or family. Other times, we did drycamping on Forest Service land. Many of our campsites were located in Thousand Trails parks, which means they were essentially free. (Kim had access to an annual pass through her father.) But these options were few and far between in the Southeast, so we learned to love state parks, which are cheap and plentiful all over the United States. (State parks can get busy on holiday weekends, but otherwise are nearly empty especially midweek.) Finally, we changed the pace of our travel. On the outbound leg, we moved camp every two or three days. (We moved every 2.84 days, to be precise.) But going home, we intentionally slowed down. We tried to say four or five days in each location. (Until we picked up our puppy in Oklahoma about which, more in a moment we moved every 4.25 days.) In short, we stayed in each location nearly twice as long on our way west as we had on our way east. The Journey Home We had intended to spend six months driving home, just as wed spent six months getting to Savannah. That was the plan. We knew that our first two months would be spent carving an S through the southeastern United States. And, surprisingly enough, those two months went as we thought they would. We left Savannah at the end of March and drove to Asheville, North Carolina. (This town is like a training ground for hipster who arent ready for the West Coast, I observed.) We visited Dollywood and Great Smoky Mountains National Park in Eastern Tennessee. We dallied a few days in Nashville home to the worst drivers we encountered on the entire trip (no joke!) where we had a lot of fun immersing ourselves in country music culture. I was pleased to see the Taylor Swift exhibit at the Country Music Hall of Fame!

One of our favorite stops on the entire trip came in Lexington, Kentucky. For one, we got to hang out with friends for the first time in months. More than that, northern Kentucky is beautiful, filled with rolling green hills and horse pastures. Kim and I spent our fourth anniversary as a couple watching the races at Keeneland. And, of course, we sampled the Bourbon trail. [embedded content] From Kentucky, we drove west to St. Louis, then to central Missouri. My grandmother was born near Lake of the Ozarks, so I spent my time there trying to imagine what it must have been like for her as a girl 100 years ago. (By the way, did you know that the Ozark Mountains are the opposite of most mountains? Most mountains are formed when land thrusts up from the Earths crust. The Ozarks were formed by erosion when the vast inland sea that once occupied the space between the Rockies and the Appalachians drained away.) Our next stop was special. In late April 2016, we drove into northeast Oklahoma to visit my cousin Gwen and her family. She and her husband Henry moved from Oregon many years ago, and they now own a 100-acre creek hollow outside Tahlequah, Oklahoma. (Tahlequah has two claims to fame. First, its the endpoint of the Trail of Tears. Second, its the setting for Where the Red Fern Grows. In fact, one scene in the book takes place on my cousins property!)

From Tahlequah, we doubled back on ourselves, turning east. This part of our trip was educational, to say the least. We got to see some of the poorer parts of the country. We spent a couple of nights in beautiful Hot Springs, Arkansas, for instance. Hot Springs was once a booming resort town, popular with tourists from the East Coast. Today, the downtown area is a hollow core of what it once was (although there are a lot of people doing their best to save it). Memphis was even worse. Kim and I spent several days in the Memphis area, driving down into Mississippi to travel the Blues Highway. This part of the U.S. is poor. Its infrastructure roads and services and so on is falling apart. It was shocking. (About a month after we drove the Blues Highway, we stayed a few days in Natchez, Mississippi, a few hundred miles south. Conditions in that region were even worse.) Our eastward extent ended in Huntsville, Alabama, where we enjoyed spending time with my college roommate and his boyfriend. From there, we headed south to the Gulf of Mexico, which we followed from Gulf Shores, Alabama to New Orleans.

Kim and I loved southern Louisiana. The culture is distinct. The people are friendly. The food is amazing. It was here that we realized our favorite parts of the United States are those that retain a distinct character. You see, much of the U.S. has become homogenized. Indianpolis could be Orlando could be Sacramento could be Cleveland. No knock on any of these cities, but theres a sameness about them despite the unique aspects of each of them. Cities like Miami and New York and New Orleans, however, feel very different. Theyre unique. They have a unique culture, and they cling to it in the face of pressure to conform. As a result, theyre the most fun places to visit. (In each case, we believe this is because the population of these places is so diverse.) Our leg across the Mississippi to Houston was interesting. And frustrating. It was the Friday of Memorial Day weekend 2016, and the heavens opened up. It rained and rained and rained. Texas isnt equipped to handle so much rain. There was flooding everywhere, and roads became impassable. What ought to have been a five-hour drive to our campground turned into eight or nine hours of struggling to get where we wanted to go. We had to change plans and camp at the first place we could find with open space.

As you know, Texas is h-u-g-e. I mentioned earlier that the United States is larger than most folks realize. Well, Texas is too. During our nearly two weeks there, we visited Houston, San Antonio, Austin, and Dallas. Even with all of that driving, we barely scratched the surface of the state. The Home Stretch At this point, we were just over two months into our planned six-month return trip. We had planned to head toward west Texas, then revisit some of our favorite western spots from the previous year. That plan changed when: The couple who had been watching our condo in Portland found a home of their own. The extended housesitting gig worked out well for them because they were between places. It gave them time to be patient and purchase the perfect house. But once they found it, they were eager to leave. (And understandably so.) As a result, we needed to return to Portland sooner than anticipated.We got a dog. When wed stopped in Tahlequah, Oklahoma in late April, Kim fell in love with a litter of puppies. Can we take one home? she asked. At the time, I argued against it. But over the next few weeks, she whittled down my defenses. By the time we reached Dallas just a few hours from Tahlequah I agreed we could get a dog. So, after our time in Dallas, we returned to the 100-acre creek hollow where my cousin lives. We picked out our puppy (which we named Tahlequah, naturally) and spent a few days getting her used to the RV. When we felt like she was ready, we hit the road making a bee-line directly for home.

But even when youre trying to make tracks in an RV, things still take time. Despite the fact that we were rushing the last part of the trip, it took us three weeks to get from northeastern Oklahoma to northwestern Oregon. We spent our first two nights with the puppy in tiny Kingman, Kansas. There, we enjoyed one of our favorite campsites: An entire country fairground where we were the only guests. We had the run of the place, which was awesome because we could get the puppy used to us and we could get used to her. Plus, the fairground was cheap cheap cheap. Note: By the way, we found this location with our copy of the book Free and Low-Cost Campgrounds, which was a godsend on the trip. Although were all accustomed to great cell service in cities, the reality is that most of the U.S. has shitty coverage. Theres just no need for it in sparsely populated areas, and most of the U.S. is sparsely populated. (This fact surprised me, by the way. For some reason, I thought the reality was population density but the opposite is true.) As a result, when youre doing an extended road trip, you need important info in print format.

From Kansas, we drove through the most barren stretch of our entire trip eastern Colorado to visit Kims mother in Fort Collins (and to see our pal Mr. Money Mustache once more). Then we burned rubber (literallytwo of the RV tires started to fall apart!) to make it to her father outside Boise. We spent the last two days of the trip visiting my brother in central Oregon, then on 29 June 2016, we pulled into Portland. At long last, we were home.

Culture Shock at Home Once Kim and I returned home, we experienced unexpected culture shock. After fifteen months of what was essentially an extended holiday (despite the fact we both worked in Savannah), normal life feltwell, normal life felt crazy. We were overwhelmed by the busy-ness of it all: the pace, the scheduling, all of the requests for time and attention. Why is this so tough for us? I asked after a couple of weeks at home. I dont know, Kim said. But it sucks. She was right. It did suck. About that time, I read Guardians of Being, a short book that mixes the philosophy of Eckhart Tolle with the animal art of Patrick McDonnell (from Mutts). Tolle, of course, is best known for his massive bestseller, The Power of Now, which encourages readers to get out of their heads and be more present in the moment. I was struck by this quote from Guardians: Most of us live in a world of mental abstraction, conceptualization, and image making a world of thought. We are immersed in a continuous stream of mental noiseWe get lost in doing, thinking, remembering, anticipating lost in a maze of complexity and a world of problems. While we were on the road, Kim and I lived in the Now. We were always present in the moment. We might have vague plans for where we wanted to be in a few days or a few weeks, but mostly we made things up as we went along. Where do you want to go next? Kim might ask, and then wed pick a spot. Where should we camp tonight? I might ask as we drove to the new town, and Kim would find a campground. What should we do for dinner? Should we visit that park? This site is awesome lets stay a few more nights. Nearly everything we did was spontaneous. We had no plans or commitments and it was wonderful. But back home, even without jobs to go to and few plans, the pace of modern life was staggering. We were always doing something with somebody. We scheduled appointments and anticipated commitments. We had to-do lists. We went to the gym three mornings a week, took the puppy to puppy classes, agreed to help colleagues, and so on. There was so much going on that there was never a chance to simply be present in the Here and Now. We had no margin in our lives. And the stuff! There was so much stuff! We had few possessions in the motorhome; we didnt miss what we did not have. At home, even though we had less than many folks, we were surrounded by tons of stuff. Tons of stuff! So many books! So many clothes! So many dishes! So much in every closet and cupboard. Kim and I were overwhelmed because we made a sudden transition from doing and having very little to doing and having a lot. All of the stuff and commitments comes with mental baggage. It takes brainwidth. Even after we had settled down, we found it tough to resume normal life. Kim went back to work four days a week as a dental hygienist. I resumed writing and giving speaking gigs. We did our best to return to our old lifebut it all felt wrong, like old clothes that no longer fit. So, we bought a place in the country. We have access to the city when we want it. Mostly, though, we stay at home and enjoy the relaxed pace with our ever-growing zoo. It feels good to not be racing around so much. It feels nice to just be, you know?

Getting Rid of Bigfoot Aside from the culture shock, Kim and I faced another problem upon our return. We no longer needed a motorhome. It was time to sell our loyal companion. For some reason, we thought selling the RV would be simple. It wasnt. From the time we started the process which was eight or nine months after returning home it took a year to actually get rid of Bigfoot. We started by listing the rig on both Craigslist and RV Trader. Plus, I created a sales page that contained more information than we could fit in a normal advertisement. We waited. And waited. And waited. Nobody seemed interested. Maybe were asking too much, Kim suggested after a few months with zero responses. We had purchased the RV for $38,000, remember, and then spent nearly $8000 to replace the engine. By our reckoning, we had a $46,000 vehicle on our hands (and wed made other upgrades too!) so we wanted $40,000 in return. Nobody wanted to pay $40,000. We lowered the price to $38,000. As a result, we received a few email inquiries, but nobody came out to see the RV in person. We lowered the price to $35,000. We got more email inquiries, but still nobody wanted to view it. When we lowered the price to $32,000, we finally got a reasonable number of responses and had a few people come out to take a look at the motorhome. We also learned that the price wasnt the only thing holding people back. To us, the fact that Bigfoot had a new engine was a selling point. Turns out, thats a red flag to a lot of people. Their reasoning is that if the engine went out once, itll go out again. This baffles me, but thats what people were telling us. Weve got to get rid of that thing, Kim said last Christmas. I know, I said. Its an albatross. Lets lower the price to $30,000. After we lowered the price to $30,000, we immediately had buyers interested. We were flooded with email. One guy drove out right away to look at the RV. I cant have money for you until Monday, he told us. Will you hold it for me? Given our inability to sell the thing, you might think wed take him up on his offer. But we didnt. The next day, a couple drove seven hours from Sandpoint, Idaho to look at the motorhome. Weve been looking all over for a Bigfoot! they told us. After several hours of inspecting the rig, they made us an offer: $28,000. We accepted. After three years of ownership, we were rid of the RV. The Great Reckoning So, this is a money blog. The most important question to answer is: How much did this trip cost us? Great question. We dont have a precise answer, but Ill share as many numbers as I can so that you can decide whether a trip like this would be worth it for your family.

Because Im a money nerd, I keep detailed stats on most of my life. The RV trip is no different. I have a spreadsheet with detailed trip info, and I published trip stats at my travel blog. Here are some highlights: During 283 days on the road, we spent 371.3 hours (15.5 days total!) driving the RV across the U.S. We put 17,250 miles on the motorhome and 17,718 miles on the Mini Cooper. Thats a total of 34,968 miles driven about 1.5 times the circumference of the Earth! Between the two vehicles, we drove an average of 120 miles per day.Everyone wonders about fuel efficiency in an RV. Well, it sucks. We had hoped to average 10 miles per gallon; we got 7.7. (No, replacing the engine didnt make things better.) The motorhome consumed 2202.6 gallons of fuel at an average price of $2.48 per gallon. It cost us 32 cents per mile to drive that beast and thats only counting gasoline.On the first leg of the trip, we spent a total of $17,137.07 for budgeted daily items. Fuel and routine maintenance for the motorhome and car ate up a third of that budget. Food (both groceries and restaurants) consumed another third. We spent $3086 on lodging, which works out to $16.24 per night. The remaining $2000 was spent on alcohol, fun, and miscellaneous expenses. (Our stats for the return leg werent as detailed.)About two-thirds of our nights were spent in campgrounds or RV parks. We drycamped 19% of the time on the way east (but not once on the way home). We spent 18% of our nights in somebodys home or driveway. We visited 38 states. We spent the most time in California (33 nights) and Colorado (25 nights). We loved them all.Arizona and West Virginia were the two most beautiful states we saw on our trip, although the area around Jackson, Wyoming was probably the single prettiest place. Charleston, South Carolina and Lafayette, Louisiana had the best food (the Midwest had the worst) and Ommegang Brewery in Cooperstown, New York had the best beer. The worst drivers? Orlando, Savannah, and especially Nashville. To me, the most important numbers is what Id call our base costs. These are the combination of gas and lodging, the costs for keeping the RV in action. During the first leg of our trip, our base costs were $35.09 per day (with an overall cost of $90.20 per day). During the second leg, our base costs were $41.25 per day (and I didnt keep track of total costs). How much you would spend beyond these base costs is, well, up to you. Obviously, we were spending an extra $50 to $60 per day, or about $25 to $30 per person. This includes food and fun but it does not include the cost of the RV and/or maintenance. (Our net cost for the RV was $10,000 $38,000 purchase price, $28,000 sale price plus the $7751.39 for engine replacement.) And dont forget that we spent about $2000 to furnish the RV before setting out, plus had to make miscellaneous repairs. My guess (and this is only a guess) is that our total cost for for the RV trip outside daily expenses was $23,500. This equates to about $80 per day. If you add this to our ongoing daily expenses, you get a total of $170 per day. Lets round that to $175 per day. [Note that these are corrected numbers. My original calculation of daily cost forgot the engine repair. Oops.] All told, to live like we did on the road which was living well it cost about $180 per day (or about $5400 per month) for two people. Im sure it can be done for less. And we met tons of people who spend much more. I realize that not everyone can afford this sort of adventure. Nor do many people have the ability to pick up and leave their lives for six or twelve or eighteen months. In other words, this isnt the sort of trip that everyone has the time and money to make happen. But for those who do have the resources, exploring the United States by motorhome can be relatively affordable especially if your engine doesnt need to be replaced!

On the Road Again? Heres the thing: Our story is not unique. Theres this idea that RVing is only for old people with more time and money than sense. Sure, there are plenty of retired couples out there in brand-new $200,000 luxury motorhomes, but there are also a surprising number of younger couples on the road full time including couples with kids! Everyone we talked to reported the same thing: If youre careful, its perfectly possible to live large in a motorhome on a modest budget. There are plenty of awesome side-effects too. The trip strengthened my relationship with Kim. (If you can make things work in 245 square feet, you can certainly do it in a larger space!) It taught us that we need far less Stuff to live than we thought. The best side effect of all? Realizing just how awesome everybody is. Im not joking. The media has whipped us into a state of hysteria in this country. The Left hates the Right. The Right hates the Left. Nobody talks or takes time to understand the other side. Thats bullshit, to be honest. During our fifteen months away from Portland, we had two bad experiences and they werent even that bad. (Maybe the people were just having off days?) Universally, everybody was friendly and polite and fun. This morning, as I was finishing this article, Kim and I got to talking. Wouldnt it be fun to do a trip like that again? she asked. Maybe we should buy another RV. Haha. Maybe. I told her we should put it off until next year. Our adventure across the U.S. truly was the trip of a lifetime. What are you waiting for? If you too have always dreamed of an epic cross-country roadtrip, get cracking. Draw up a plan. Save your money. Make it happen.

Shares 348 https://www.getrichslowly.org/us-by-rv/