#okay gonna go drink like four glasses of water and eat some of the pom i got at the grocery store on my pie grocery trip earlier today

[tirednotflirting]

you and i'll be safe and sound

good evening buds. i am a mess of a lack of sleep and fluffy feelings after watching dash and lily and i wrote spacey fluffy jalex while watching it. and then i decided to post it after reading through it once. have at it

have at it on ao3 here if you wanna too. 

It’s nearly 3 in the morning and the world has never felt so loud, Alex thinks.

It’s been years since he had trouble sleeping on the bus. The restlessness takes him back to the early days of doing this, when he would get homesick for his mom’s cooking and dad’s commentary on the evening news after two weeks on the road. Back then it would usually work to write about it, use his smallest handwriting to fill postcards to drop off in venue mailboxes or his songwriting journals he would hide up in his bunk until ready to share with the boys. It kept him distracted and usually didn’t help him sleep but he was still young enough that it didn’t really matter. The shitty gas station coffee and energy drinks and adrenaline were enough to keep him smiling and dancing through the day.

Over the years, the jitters and sleepless nights faded away. The humming of the wheels against the interstate just beyond the walls of his bunk window became a line in the job description. Funnily enough, he found himself missing the in between sights and sounds of touring when he was again confined to the stillness of his home. 

So it’s lost on him why it’s the middle of the night and his mind is racing while they’re somewhere in the middle of Texas. They had all decided to call it a little earlier in the night, knowing they were set to chat on a few radio shows in Dallas in the morning. But after three hours of staring at the ceiling, the gentle rumble below the floor that typically lulled him into bright, brilliant dreams only makes his thoughts spiral and Alex quietly slips out of his bunk and wanders toward the front of the bus.

He carefully and quietly fills the electric kettle, drawing back to his roots and hoping that a mug of tea will settle his mind. He opens up the cabinet above the counter and pushes past a few stacks of plastic cups for a mug and his stash of herbal tea he hides from Zack. The kettle clicks off after a few minutes and Alex methodically moves through the process of fixing up the drink how he likes it. He cradles the colorful mug between both hands and makes his way to the back lounge with the thought that maybe watching the nighttime scenery fly past in the windows from a spot on the couch might help slow his mind. 

He gently shuts the door behind him, aware of how tired the boys had seemed before heading to their own bunks several hours earlier and wanting them to be well rested for the morning’s activities. He flips the light on once the sliding door clicks shut and sets his mug on the table to pull a blanket around his bare shoulders before taking a seat and facing the windows. The calming effect the open road had on him was unmatched by almost anything else. It’s a special kind of peace, Alex thinks, and he makes a mental note to try to write something about it some time.

He’s so focused on the deep dark blue fields just beyond the glass that he doesn’t notice the sliding door open and close again behind him and jumps a bit when the couch dips slightly. “Al, what are you doing up?”

And okay, maybe the peace and comfort he feels from the road is a very close second to another sight Alex has the pleasure of seeing everyday. 

He turns, the blanket slipping from one of his shoulders, to where a concerned Jack sits beside him. Alex always hates to worry him regardless of the context. He knows Jack’s mind works faster than the average. It’s the cause for his brilliance and quick wit but also for his tendency to jump to conclusions far too quickly for his own good. A small smile pulls at Alex’s lips as he lets his free hand reach up to rub away the lines between Jack’s brows. “I’m okay. Just having trouble getting to sleep tonight.”

“Is something bothering you? Did something happen?” Jack asks, the gentle intention in his voice warming Alex like the tea he’s sipping. Alex feels a blush in his cheeks when Jack lifts the corner of the blanket back over Alex’s shoulder before his hand drops to his waist, his thumb rubbing comforting circles against the skin. 

And it’s his questioning that makes Alex realize that yes, maybe something is bothering him. He sighs both at the feeling of Jack’s comforting touch and at his inability to articulate how he’s feeling all stuck up in his head right now. He’s a songwriter. It’s pretty much his job to spin up words for things that don’t have them. 

“We don’t get to have quiet all that often these days, do we?” Alex asks as he sets his nearly empty mug on the table in front of the couch. The question doesn’t really have an answer but Jack pulls him by the waist so his legs fall over his waist and maybe there’s an answer somewhere in there. “I love the sounds of the tour. I love the voices and laughter and music. I love hearing the crowd call back at us every night. But I think my brain just doesn’t know what to do with silence and it’s somehow giving it a sound to fill the space and it’s just,” he pauses and worries his bottom lip, suddenly embarrassed because he’s not sure he’s really making any sense. “It’s the wrong kind of loud. And I could just really use some quiet.”

Alex drops his head to Jack’s shoulder and closes his eyes at the feeling of a hand combing through the hair at the back of his neck. “Well, what kinds of things feel quiet to you? What brings you peace?”

It’s a loaded question. Especially given the conversations they’ve never really had and the way that Alex is draped across Jack and the way Jack is wrapped around him. It’s not a position unfamiliar to either of them and the way that Alex adjusts to press his face closer to Jack’s neck isn’t either. He lazily smiles again at the familiar cologne he catches on the collar of the tank Jack sleeps in. “Those moments right before we drop the lights at a show, when the crowd is just about to pick up for the first song. A scalding hot tea in the middle of the night. You.”

Alex feels Jack let out a short laugh while his arms tighten around his waist. “What about me?”

Alex shakes his head. “Everything about you feels peaceful.” And he’s not sure of any other way to say it really. “Any time the world gets too big, I just find you and then it’s okay again. It’s possible, you know?”

They’re both quiet for a moment then and Alex worries if maybe he’s said something bigger than he intended to when in this kind of state of mind. He picks his head up to meet Jack’s eyes, the night sky making them deeper somehow. When Jack lifts a hand to cradle Alex’s cheek, he can’t help but lean into the touch. “You make the world feel safe, too.”

Neither of them can think of anything more to add so they sit in silence for a while longer, letting the hum of the road and Jack’s thumb brushing across Alex’s cheeks do the talking. Eventually Jack yawns though and Alex laughs though he finally feels his eyes starting to droop at the late (early?) hour. 

“Come on,” Jack whispers into the space between them. “Let’s go get some sleep. We’re going to be busy boys in the morning.”

Alex giggles quietly again and drops the blanket from his shoulders to head for the door. Jack carefully crawls back into his own bunk before his eyes ask a silent question in the quiet of the night they’ve stepped back into and Alex climbs in after him. It takes a moment to figure out how best to arrange their lanky limbs, both of the heights battling at that moment. But then Alex lets his head fall against Jack’s warm chest and nuzzles impossibly closer when he feels an arm wrapped across the middle of his back. 

He feels Jack press a kiss against the top of his hair and sure enough, a silence and stillness blankets over Alex’s tangled mind as he drifts into a peaceful sleep.