#okay bye going be productive (starts getting more and more depressed and in danger with each second i work)

[milimeters-morales]

thinking of transfemme miles again (when am i not honestly) and she’s about to go on a date with Ganke but she has to stop a mugging first so the only people who’ve seen Spider-Man (bc she just put on the mask) in a dress and wedges with jewelry and a small purse is some random would-be thief and a shocked would-be victim at 7pm in a park. and when she’s webbing the would-be thief up all she talks about is how she’s probably missing her date, and how if she ends up breaking his heart over this then she’ll hunt them down personally and electrocute them into a coma. and then she resprays her perfume and runs off

[rosepetals-flyingbirds]

Don’t Leave.

With: Bucky x Reader.

Words: 3.548.

Yes, i have a similar version with Ivar.

“Do you love me?”

“Yes.”

“Say you love me.”

“I love you.”

She would ask that, she didn’t want to sound clingy, probably why the moments she asked those simple four words were always when they were the most intimate.

How beautiful she is. Bucky could never grasp why she was with him. Y/N would always laugh when he said something as cliche like “I’m so lucky to have you”,“you’re so beautiful, what are you doing with me?”, "my sweet little angel", "my doll".

The truth was that Y/N found Bucky extremely handsome. She could watch him all day if required. She loved his eyes, his lips, his facial hair which seemed to grow by seconds, his soft hair, his jaw, his scars, his metal arm, his nightmares.

Everything.

But she also loved his personality. He was such a complicated person! Traumatized, stubborn, closed off but… he was funny, so damn smart, sweet, surprisingly romantic, and truly cared about her.

Both were too scared to start something when they first fell for each other. Bucky had such a terrible life filled with torture and loss. So even if unconsciously, he expected pain from all the situations, and if he couldn't love himself how could someone else love and accept him?

And Y/N had too much trust issues to trust a guy. Maybe it could be her father’s responsibility for cheating on her mother, hell, even her mother’s fault for cheating on her father!

Maybe it was all the people's fault for cheating on their s/o and acting like it was okay… like it was some animal instinct that overpowered them.

Weak.

But she allowed Bucky in her heart, how could she not? Never a guy has made such sweet displays for her. It was in the details, when he saved the last cupcake for her. When he would give her his jacket. Or offered her a ride on his motorcycle when she needed to go somewhere and Bucky didn't want her feeling crowded in the subways and buses.

Even so much as buying flowers. Back in the day it was normal, to court someone. Buy some flowers, a box of chocolate -or in the case of New York's depression, a flower stolen on the neighbor and some candy his parents had saved in the fridge- but in the modernity, it seemed as "clichê", he thought of asking help to make a cd to you, but then they said now it was a playlist-thing and he excluded that idea because it was getting too weird and he didn't want to ask help. So he did buy flowers, not a bouquet, but a small jar with a tiny flower so she could plant, then another, then a small cactus, and when the idea of receiving flowers from him was something expected; He bought a bouquet.

And it was stunning.

A mix of blue roses, with white tulips, lavender, and blue nemophila. Only the most distinct, so Y/N could feel he thought about her in the whole process. Which everyone could see he did. She was the only thing that mattered to him. He was so gentle, never pushed her to do something she wasn't comfortable with, on the contrary actually, y/n that initiated the first time they had sex, the kisses grew deeper but Bucky wasn't ready so they waited until he felt comfortable. He was honest, kind, and even with his nightmares... he opened up to her, allowed her in the vastness that was his mind. His guilt, his pain.

He trusted her, and Y/N thought it was amazing.

Once -while friends- they went to a small gathering Fury throw to celebrate a successful mission that took a couple of years to be done. And everyone was dressed up, and even that some said it was a small party, it ended up with 200 people. Bucky didn't want to go at first, but Steve told him it would do good, and then Y/N was excited too so he made the effort.

Besides, since he started working with the team, the shield agents took a likening to the metal armed man.

Bucky thought in holding his hair together in a man bun, but then he felt weird so he took it off. So he tried another style but it was also ridiculous. He ended up letting it freely, as usual, she seemed to like in that way.

But deep down he just wanted to look good. For her.

They went together to the place, of course it was high safety so they could relax, even for just a moment. Y/N looked stunning, per usual, she didn't like to use makeup on the daily basis, and she was a fucking piece of art. But she also managed to look striking with those products on her face, Buck giggled as she held his arm for support since she was wearing Natasha's heels, and since people always saw them together and adding that in the party people were sure they got together. 

Steve was proud, very much. Even though his heart broke a bit since he had a major crush on Y/N since the day he saw her for the first time. But the way Bucky looked at her... that was what love glowed like.

But as the night went on and Y/N mixed with her other friends, Bucky kept alert and spotted a man staring at her, he was Jay Halstead, a good guy, great agent, and Y/N's friend, and what pissed Bucky more was the fact that they would look great together.

If Jay was a prick, it would be easier but he was a good fella, as good at the level that he served with Sam in the army, good as he was the one that helped Steve to find the best psychologic on the country.

Annoyingly good. And he would be good for her.

Buck was talking with Steve and Clint when he got a glimpse of Jay approaching y/n, and she was very happy to see him. Hugged him and even allowed him to linger his arm on her shoulder.

Buck's stance changed and Steve realized why.

Clint drank his beer and shrugged. "If she isn't your girlfriend you can't be pissed because other guys like her."

Buck didn't agree, nor responded but he knew what Clint meant.

Before Steve could give some advice Buck smiled, y/n waved at him and called him over.

Buck looked at Steve who told him it was okay.

Jay smiled seeing Bucky, shook his hand and Buck was glad Jay’s arm wasn't around y/n's shoulder anymore.

"Hey, just wanted to congratulate you on the last mission, saw the files and you fixed what Fury has been trying to fix in 12 years."

Taken aback by the praise Buck only nodded, but a small smile lingered on his face. "Thanks, man."

"And also he now beats Steve in the mornings run." Y/N confessed.

Jay laughed and by Y/N’s smile it was clear it was an inside joke. "No one can ever beat Steve Rogers, I fainted last time I tried."

"Well, I have been winning in runs over the punk since we were 10. Some things don't change with time."

"Yeah, i have to go. Mission tomorrow morning, just passed by to say hello to everyone." Jay leaned and kissed Y/N's cheek. "Bye, sweetheart. Good to see you." And then extended his hand again to shake Bucky's. "And congratulations again, i am happy you're in the avengers. The world needs you." With a tap on the shoulder, Jay left and Bucky stood a bit shocked for what the man said.

But after all, it was all Y/N has been saying over the months she met him.

And after what seemed like ages Y/N finally let him in. And Buck also fought his demons and allowed to be loved and cherished by someone.

And it was amazing.

                               ...

Meeting her family took a bit longer than the ’normal’ couples take. Her family was okay, but she was worried about how they would feel and most importantly how Buck would feel.

Y/N’s family lived far and using Tony's jet they flew to her homeland, her cousin flirted with Bucky wich made Y/N glare at her almost all barbecue. Y/N's mom was a bit worried about her daughter date a man in such a dangerous life, but she was happy so that was all that mattered.

And Bucky's family was Steve, so it was clear that he accepted them together. 

Buck has never felt so much like he did with her.

                               ...

Dream.

Dream was the word Bucky could only imagine when Y/N danced for him. Her small satin dress covering her smooth skin, he loved how her hips moved so graciously, the scent of her shampoo, how she kissed his cheeks when he made coffee for her. Y/N could be in her period, feeling awful wearing baggy pants and still, she managed to steal his heart even without trying. He was sure that no one had ever loved someone as much as he loves her.

He could do anything for her.

                               ...

On a mission, Bucky was looking the area of the attack arguing with Sam of where was the best point of attack, he was really close to yell at the man who never agreed with his tactics when his phone made a ping sound letting him know a message has arrived.

Hey baby, I hope you’re okay and you haven’t slapped Samuel! I’m watching you, mister! ;)

I’ll have to make a small trip with Brenda, she had a problem with her parents and she needs me to help her. I’m sorry but I really have to go. See you in a few days.

Bucky, I love you. With all that I am.

Bucky found it weird, Brenda’s family lived in another country, why she would make such travel in a hurry? 

Of course, Y/N was a good friend, but she didn’t do such spontaneous things.

As he glanced at his cellphone with a keyboard (designed for him, since his metal arm managed to break the last smartphones) he re-read the messages before he tried to call her only to be met with a voice message. He tried to calm his nerves down and finish his work. She had warned him after all, it wasn’t like she went away without telling him.

At their apartment, he saw a few notes here and there, one in the fridge telling she left some leftovers for some days. 

Another in the bathroom reminding him to buy shampoo and one on their bedroom saying: “You won’t die if I stay a few days away.”

Silly girl.

But even if Buck was suspicious of the sudden new he needed to trust her, he couldn’t be the crazy boyfriend who didn’t trust his girl.

However on the next day, he found it completely weird that she didn’t call him, she sent a text saying she was okay and safe but she couldn’t call him, he asked why but she just asked him to trust her and quickly stopped answering his texts.

Really really weird.

Was she kidnapped? Was she cheating on him? Was she really traveling with her friend? His mind couldn’t stop making ideas up. Bad assumptions up.

Gladly Bucky had a great memory so he remembered Brenda’s adress when Y/N went there a few months prior, he had to go there and see if Brenda was at home, if his girl was there or if she was actually out of the country. If she was out of danger.

Finally reaching the the street he stopped the car before walking to Brenda's house. He knocked on the door praying for no one to be home, but after a few seconds, it quickly opened with Brenda showing him a confused face. “Hey? What are you doing here?”

Fuck. “Hey, um, is Y/N here?”

“No, actually I haven’t talked with her for weeks now. Why? Did you guys had a fight?” For Brenda, it was almost impossible for you and Buck to fight, but as herself had a realtioship where she thought the man was perfect, she knew to expect anything.

Y/N lied, what was happening?

Knowing it wasn’t for the best to let her know about the situation he made a small smile. “Yeah, we did, I thought she was here. Thanks.” He hurriedly left not waiting for her response.

All the -painful- way home Bucky overthought his whole relationship, why would Y/N lie to him?

He couldn’t place a reason for it, the only things that were hammering on his thoughts were the hypothesis: Kidnap, cheating or she simply got tired of his traumatized self.

But why would she cheat on him? 

Wasn’t he a good boyfriend? Does she suddenly feel tired of his problems?  

Was she tired of his hard personality? 

Wasn’t he satisfying her in bed?

Have you found someone else?

Why?

And most important…if so, with who?

Bucky's mind was around doubts and adding all of his insecureness wasn’t helping much.

He didn’t even realize he reached her building until he saw his neighbor going for a walk with his dog. The whole walk he was pinned by fear and rage that he didn’t even count his steps.

To not help much his case he called her with no answer, he texted her with no answer either.

What could he do? He didn’t know where she was, or with who she was.

Was she safe?

“What is happening, my heart? Why are you lying to me?” He mumbled alone in their bedroom.

His heart cracking each thought he had.

After five longs and painful days, he received a text.

Hey Bucky. I’m going home we need to talk.

Bucky couldn’t answer, he couldn’t possibly ask what she wanted to talk about? Why would she leave him?

                               ...

There she stood, a single suitcase in her hand and a tired face.

Bucky wanted to hug her, to get in his feet, and to say how worried he was… but no! He allowed his rage to consume him when he saw she was alright and no enemy of his has taken and hurt her.

He was mad.

“Hey Bucky we-”

“Why?” Without letting her finish her sentence or even getting up from the couch, he asked.

“What?”

“Why you left and lied? Are you tired? Do you want to break up? Because i re-create the past weeks and i can’t see a reason for this, Y/N. You ran away and lied to me saying you traveled with Brenda to Brazil?”

She didn’t argue, only let the suitcase on the floor and rubbed her face. And with her silent stare, Bucky knew the end was near.

And that would break him, make all of the pieces he built in the last years since he got free from Hydra to fall apart.

Letting a sarcastic chuckle his frustration over the last weeks started to show with full force. “You’re selfish! I always said that i don't need your help, that i was broken and still am but you didn't have to stay with me. I always warned you and now that i'm so fucking deep in love with you-you will destroy this. But please, tell me what is it. Am I not satisfying you enough? Or is the nightmares? Maybe because i ca not go to the library with you or because we can’t go to the movies and i know you always says that Stark's is almost the same but you love movies and Y/N-” 

For more dramatically Bucky sounded, she knew he was self-conscious about his state, of course, he did therapy to help with his self-loathing but seeing the most precious thing getting ready to leave was about to break his cold-mended heart.

Making all his therapy process going to air.

Y/N stood there, looking tired and staring at him. She knew he would be mad, she was mad at herself for lying so blatantly. “Are you done?”

Taking a deep breath and placing his hands on his pockets he nodded, trying to control the tears to leave his eyes.

“I’m not cheating you, I never did, I never will. And i'm not tired of us. I’m not overwhelmed, you are the most important thing in the universe to me.” She took her jacket off and walked to the couch.

Bucky looked at her carefully while she approached him, so what was the problem then. “Tell me.”

“I’m not trying to break up with you, if that is what you think.”

He nodded and let a small sigh let his nostrils. A lock of hair leaving his man bun and Y/N's fingers itched to pull it behind his ear.

“I… I needed some time to think, I didn’t want to lie to you but I really needed some time alone without you getting worried.”

Was she sick? Why was she so sad? 

He sat by her side and looked at her lap taking a deep breath, her gaze met Bucky's and she nodded her head almost telling herself it was the proper moment. “I’m pregnant.”

The time seemed to stop for Buck, such a brilliant man and that was the only thing he hasn’t anticipated to leave her beautiful’s lips.

It made sense for him now, Y/N was always predicting the worst. Always waiting for the day he would grow tired of her and leave, or only try to have some “fun” and fool around with someone else. 

She didn’t want to have a child because she was afraid she would have to do it all by herself.

“Y/N… baby, I’m-”

“I don’t want it.” Her answer was firm but her lips were trembling with nerves. “I-” Her eyes filled with tears, even with the past days being of pure anxieties and sorrow, she still had tears left. “I can’t have it, Bucky. I- I-, I’m so scared.”

He couldn’t control his eyes when they glanced at her belly, his child was there, growing each day. He wanted the baby, wanted a boy or a girl to cherish and take care.

And only the thought of a baby so pure and ethereal as Y/N meant a lot. 

It was his.

After everything he suffered, everything he did that provoked people to suffer, he was blessed with a son or a daughter.

But he needed to focus on her.

“Will you try ab- abortion?” He didn’t want her to do that, he would try to change her mind if she said yes but he knew it was her choice.

“I… I don’t know! I mean no I won’t. I can’t! But Bucky, I’m so so scared.”

“You think I’ll leave.” He said softly, she looked at him startled, but she shouldn’t. Bucky always knew her. “You know I would never abandon you, especially not with our child.”

She nodded, her heartbeat going faster and faster by the second. He could hear it, of course he could. Apparently, the time to “cool off” didn’t help as she has thought.

Bucky gently held her waist and thigh and pulled her to his lap, Y/N hugged him tightly and started to sob. Bucky was her home.

And she was terrified he would leave her, especially with a child to take care of.

“Shh shh, pretty girl. It’ll be okay.” His hand started to caress her scalp softly trying to bring her some comfort.

Some minutes of pure comfortable silence passed before Y/N straightened her back and looked at the deep blue of his eyes. “I’m sorry I lied…” She murmured.

Bucky chuckled at the thought of how angry he was 20 minutes ago at her, now it seemed really stupid the way he allowed his demons to make him think the worst of his angel. 

“I forgive you. Y/N,” He raised his hand and touched her cheek softly, she leaned in and kissed his palm. “I know you’re worried I’ll leave or that you will have to raise that child alone but I promise you that I won’t let you down! I won’t let our child down!” He placed his other hand on her belly, Y/N smiled at the vision. 

Of course, she didn’t have a bump yet, but seeing Bucky hand touching a place where half him and half her was growing was a new comforting feeling.

Y/N nodded and smiled at him, lifting her pinky she pouted. “Promise? Even that the serum has some effect or if someone tries to take them away from me. Promise you will be there for me?”

He chuckled at her cuteness but realized how deeper the worries about a child was, interlacing his pinky with hers he nodded. “I promise.” She leaned in and kissed him lovely. She missed him.

He gazed at her, and as he passed his thumb under her eye to dry a tear, he was more sure than ever that she was the light of his life. “We got this, my love.” He affirmed his hands holding her face softly. “We do.”

Bucky Barnes is good at protecting the ones he loved, so he will do the possible and impossible to protect his perfect little family.

                        …

<3 <3 <3

[privaian]

sweet lullaby.

Jeno has been having a hard time falling asleep. It was always that way since he was a kid. He thought it was completely normal to wake up in the middle of the night and not fall asleep, that’s why he would always play games until the sun rises.

Jeno’s life as a college student was boring and.. painful. Aside from the fact that he finds it hard to sleep at night, he lives alone and has to deal with every depressing thing that happens after a long and tiring day from the university.

 11:26 PM.

Jeno lies down and stares at the ceiling. He sighed, he felt bad for himself. Taking sleeping pills was a no for him, he was scared that he might not wake up the next day. He doesn’t want to consult a doctor as well, knowing that it would cost him much when he barely eats in a day because he doesn’t have money. He stood up and went to the kitchen and opened the fridge- only to see a pack of bottled water and three ramen cups. Groceries. He forgot to stop by the store to buy food and spent his last money on school products. Maybe next time.

He grabbed a cup of ramen and two water bottles and poured it on the pot to heat. While waiting, he heard someone shout ‘good bye, take care!’ to who knows who. Curious, he looked by his window to see a family dropping off a young lad. Looks like he’s got bunch of stuffs to carry, he thought. He turned off the stove and grabbed his key to his room before leaving his own. The male was going back and forth from downstairs to carry his bags. “Hey,” Jeno called. The latter looked at him with both eyebrows raised. “Need a hand?”

“Sure, that would be handy.” The male answered. Jeno returned the smile and went downstairs to carry more of the boy’s bags. “Where should I bring it?” he asked. The male shook his head, “It’s okay! I must’ve been too loud complaining how heavy it is and disturbed you that’s why you came out to help. It’s fine.” The male gave him an apologetic smile, and Jeno chuckled in return. “It’s alright, I don’t have anything to do anyways.” The lad nodded at him and pointed at the door beside Jeno’s room. “There, that’s my room.”

“Cool, you’re my new neighbor!” Jeno exclaimed. The latter chuckled and walked ahead of Jeno to open the door and he continued in carrying the bags inside the boy’s room. “All done!” Jeno said and brushed his hands together, as if there were imaginary dust on his hands.

“Thanks a lot...?” The new neighbor didn’t continue his sentence as he realized that he didn’t get the kind male’s name.

“Jeno, Lee Jeno. And you are?”

“Huang Renjun. It’s nice meeting you, Jeno!”

Both males shook hands and Renjun was the first one to let go. “I know it’s pretty late but, have you eaten your dinner?” Jeno smiled, nodding his head and kindly refusing his offer. As soon as he did that, he heard his stomach grumble. Renjun glanced at Jeno’s stomach as he immediately covered it, cheeks flushing pink because of embarrassment and it made Renjun giggle. Cute. “Come inside! My mom gave me lots of foods and I can’t eat this alone.”

Renjun went to the kitchen and Jeno awkwardly followed him. “So,” Jeno started. He did not know how to start a conversation. He wasn’t really into making friends. Perhaps, he was shy. Or perhaps, this boy looked too dazzling for him to get distracted in making a conversation.

“You’re on your college year?” Renjun, who was busying himself in cutting the beef into strips, nodded. “On my third year.” After that answer, both lads went silent. It wasn’t the ‘awkward’ type of silence, though. It was a comfortable silence. The sound of beef getting cooked, the smell of sautéed garlic, it made Jeno’s stomach grumble again. “Sorry about that,” he looked down and mumbled quietly. Renjun looked at him and giggled. “This will be done in a few minutes, sir.”

Renjun served the dishes in an appetizing manner. Jeno won’t lie, he wanted to dig in already, but he doesn’t want to embarrass himself to the kind boy in front of him who just finished setting the table with two plates, two pairs of spoon and fork, a pitcher of juice, and two cups of glasses. “After you.” He motioned. Jeno started to eat, and so did Renjun.

The whole dinner was okay, Jeno had been very vocal about how good Renjun’s dish is and how it tasted like what professionals cook. Renjun blushed at the compliment. It was his first time cooking for someone else aside from his family and friends, and he knew that Jeno was being genuine with his compliments.

After eating, Jeno thanked Jaemin for cooking him dinner and Jaemin only responded with “Just come over if you want to eat a good dish.” And winked. Jeno was flustered, but he just laughed it off. He came back to his room, seeing the lonely ramen cup on the table. Thank God it’s not yet opened. I’ll eat this tomorrow.

 1:30 AM.

Jeno was shocked to see how long he has stayed over at Renjun’s room. Once again, he lied down and closed his eyes, making his nth attempt in falling asleep.

 3:00 AM.

Jeno haven’t fallen asleep.

I’ve been watching you for some time,

He opened his eyes, wondering where the sound came from.

Can’t stop staring at those ocean eyes.

Ocean Eyes. Billie Eilish was his favorite singer, he admired how a sixteen-year old can have heavenly vocals. But this voice, feels like I’ve heard it somewhere.

Burning cities and napalm skies,

Soon enough, he felt his eyelids become heavy. Finally, finally. He was now able to get good sleep thanks to this stranger.

Fifteen flares inside those ocean eyes. Your ocean eyes.

Every 3 AM, Jeno would lie down to get some good sleep. It came to his senses that Renjun, his neighbor, was the one singing the same Billie Eilish song every 3 AM. Of course, who must’ve it been if it’s not him? We literally live right next door.

Today was the second week of summer break, and Renjun went back to his home while Jeno stayed at his room. They’ve gotten closer, exchanged numbers with each other, call each other with cute nicknames, and have late night talks. Every 3 in the morning, Jaemin would send Jeno voicemails of verses from one of Billie Eilish’s songs and Jeno would listen to it all night until he falls asleep.

 2:38 AM

Jeno: you up?

Jeno: oi

Jeno stared at his phone. Usually, Renjun would respond immediately or a minute late.

 2:46 AM

Jeno: injunnn wruuuuu

Jeno: i’m kind of shocked honestly you usually respond instantly but oh well maybe you’re busy

Jeno: i miss you and your voice : (

Jeno: i mean i do get to hear your voice since you send me voicemails but i actually want to hear you sing : (

Jeno: i guess all i have tonight is your voicemails, then. take care injun! ♥

Jeno sighed and grabbed his earphones. Once again, he felt lonely. He misses him so much that it hurts.

 6:39 AM.

Today was Saturday. The voicemails have expired, and his eyes was staring at the ceiling. Clearly, he did not get any sleep. And clearly, he misses Renjun so much.

Their 3 AM talks went to 3 days of not talking. He felt restless, he can’t help but worry about him.

 5:28 PM.

It’s been three weeks and summer break was about to end. Sadly, Jeno went back to his previous state wherein he can’t get any sleep at all. It was getting dangerous. He’d faint at class, he’d get panic attacks and deal with it alone. He can’t help but feel pathetic. He felt more alone than he was before. He’s not blaming Renjun for not getting in touch or for not sending him voicemails anymore, though. He must’ve been spending his time with his family happily. Sucks to be him, no one cares for him.

8:19 PM.

Jeno just got home after visiting the pharmacy. A concerned classmate, who goes by the name Haechan, offered him to visit his home since his mom is a doctor. Jeno denied the offer, of course. He’s broke, he’s got no one. How can he pay Haechan’s mom? But she was kind enough to do it for free, since he is his son’s ‘friend.’ She prescribed him two kinds of medication; one for his panic attacks, and second was the sleeping pills. Benzodiazepines, sure. A $10 medication is surely better than spending thousands inside the hospital. Ever since he took the anticonvulsant drug, his panic attacks have lessened, and the sleeping pills helped him fall asleep. But still, it wasn’t enough.

 4:53 PM.

Summer break has ended, and still no text from Renjun. It’s been a month, he should be on his way back home right now.

 3:00 AM.

Jeno: i miss you.

Jeno: i’ll be waiting for you tomorrow! i saved up a little bit so i can cook for you.

Jeno: i’m not the best cook out there, though. but i’ll try to make this good and tasty!

Jeno: have a safe trip back here!

3:40 PM.

Jeno just finished cooking. It wasn’t that much, but at least he tried his best. It was tasty enough, so he’s sure Renjun would like it. He went near the window, where he saw Renjun for the first time. He didn’t notice the time pass by. He’s been staring there for an hour. The food has now been cold. Still no sign of Renjun.

He sighed and covered the dishes first. He’ll wait for Renjun to come back before eating.

 5:38 PM.

He’s been spending the past few hours scrolling through Twitter, Facebook, or playing some games.

A message popped up, it was from Renjun.

Quickly, he opened the message while smiling.

As he continues to watch the clip, his smile slowly faltered to a frown; and his lips starts to quiver after finishing the clip.

Renjun.. he’s gone.

✽   AUG 26, 2018.       gif not mine.

[lowcarbnutrients]

The Bad Keto Fats: How to Spot and Avoid Them

If you're new to keto or are considering making the shift, you may be asking yourself, are all fats okay to eat?

The simple answer is no.

While certain keto fats are wonderful for keeping you invigorated, satiated and also on course to attaining your weight reduction objectives, others are so destructive to your wellness no one must be consuming them - keto or not.

That's why this overview will assist you find out:

What makes sure fats unhealthy

The worst fats on keto

The best fat options on keto

Before diving into the details fats you'll desire to ditch from your ketogenic diet plan, you should understand the difference between great keto fats and poor ones. So let's start there.

What Makes a Fat Unhealthy?

While a high-fat ketogenic diet does highlight the importance of eating fats, there is a fine line here since not all fats are worth consuming.

And if you're so laser-focused on increasing your fat intake that you forget where your fat is coming from, you'll see the full opposite effect on your health.

So why are some fats bad for you?

It all boils down to how these fats are created as well as refined (tip: they don't originate from an entire food resource).

# 1: Bad Fats Start With Genetically-Modified Seeds

Most processed fats are made from the oils of particular plants such as soybean as well as corn.

However, much of these plants begin as seeds that have been modified, or genetically modified.

Soybean, corn as well as canola are all amongst the top GMO crops in the US [*] So if you're still utilizing soybean or canola oil, you're doing a substantial disservice to your body.

While there's still much more research that requires to be done, very early research studies have found that these altered seeds include their own collection of allergens your body is not utilized to refining [ *].

So, for example, if you dislike Brazil nuts and don't understand the soybean oil you're eating in refined foods is from genetically changed soybeans and contains the very same allergen genetics found in Brazil nuts, you'll unknowingly trigger a similar reaction in your body.

And this could activate an entire immune system attack, complete with flair ups and inflammation.

Another concern right here is that taking in processed veggie oils like soybean can likewise bring about various other unwanted side effects.

In one research performed on computer mice, scientists uncovered a diet regimen high in soybean oil resulted in enhanced prices of weight problems as well as weight gain [*] The mice also revealed signs of insulin resistance as well as diabetes.

On the various other hand, when the mice were fed a high-fat diet regimen abundant in healthy and balanced hydrogenated fats like coconut oil, they did not see these very same negative side effects.

The takeaway here is to pick fats from actual, whole-food resources that have not been changed prior to they've also had a possibility to sprout.

The following trouble with these types of bad keto fats concerns their rack life.

# 2: Processed Fats Were Made to Last Longer Than the Apocalypse

If you remember your parents or grandparents tucking away a container of vegetable shortening unrefrigerated in an unused top cabinet of your kitchen, congratulations.

You know firsthand what an item from the made trans-fat trend that started as very early as the 1900s looks like.

Food makers in those days created these processed fats with 3 particular objectives in mind:

To prolong the service life of their products for as long as possible.

To keep these fats from going rancid without refrigeration.

To produce a fat that remained strong at room temperature.

But if a food was intentionally made to last this lengthy on a rack, what is it doing to your body?

According to the Food as well as Drug Management (FDA), processed fats like partly hydrogenated oils drop under the murky group of "Generally Acknowledged as Safe" food products [*].

But then they also say eliminating these refined fats from people's diets "could stop thousands of cardiac arrest and also fatalities annually."

So why specifically are processed and also trans fats still approved as safe if they could likewise be such a contributing consider cardiac arrest and also deaths?

Because trans fats are naturally discovered in trace quantities in keto foods like top notch dairy items and red meat.

These sources of fat, such as grass-fed butter, are in fact great for you and come packed with incredible health benefits.

Thanks to this large umbrella of trans fats that you can find in both real foods (like grass-fed meat) as well as phony food (like hydrogenated oils), the FDA can not say every one of them need to be excluded from your diet.

But you must definitely stay away from any kind of trans-fats that originate from processed foods. Ditch the harmful fats from these oils as well as your heart, arterial wall surfaces and also the rest of your body will be healthier.

And if you still require a lot more convincing, this final concern is another reason that it's time to say bye-bye to these terrible fats on a keto diet.

# 3: The Handling Therapy is Also Worse for Your Health

On top of making use of GMO seeds, pre-processed fat is more treated with severe and also poisonous chemicals, such as bleach and also hexane, as it's being manufactured.

Food suppliers likewise use a high heat process made to eliminate bacteria and other hazardous pathogens, yet what ends up occurring is a lot more dangerous.

When fat comes to be oxidized with this warmth, cost-free radicals are developed. Free radicals in refined fats can harm healthy and balanced cells.

Processed fats like these are also packed with omega-6 fatty acids.

These fatty acids are not inherently bad, yet your body calls for the appropriate equilibrium of omega-6 fatty acids to omega-3 fats to be healthy and balanced, and when you consume foods too expensive on omega-6s, you can experience chronic inflammation.

This inflammation can result in an increased danger for developing:

Certain cancers cells, consisting of breast cancer

Heart disease as well as heart attacks

Obesity

Depression

You're refraining from doing your health any kind of favors by taking in bad fats. To entirely eliminate this processed scrap from your diet, you have to recognize where these negative fats are hiding.

Bad Keto Fats: Get Rid Of These From Your Diet

When polyunsaturated fats are refined (such as canola oil), synthetic trans fats are created.

These are the lethal trans fats you want to eradicate from your reduced carbohydrate, high-fat ketogenic diet.

If you have trouble checking out tags to pick out these poor fats, you're not the only one. Producers actively make it tricky to different easy components from refined junk.

To aid you figure out every label you discover, prevent the complying with ingredients when you see them on a tag:

# 1: Hydrogenated or Partly Hydrogenated Vegetable Oils

Hydrogenated as well as partially hydrogenated oils are the simplest ones to detect on a nutrition label given that they're now needed to be identified as such.

These 2 fats are frequently located in refined foods you've probably currently eliminated from your keto diet regimen, such as:

Margarine

Crisco

Cookies

Crackers

Breads

Non-dairy creamers

Popcorn

Frosting

Tortilla chips

Ketchup

Trans fats like these can also hide in carb-heavy products like hamburger buns, taco shells, icy pizza dough and those pop and also bake canisters of cinnabuns as well as biscuits too.

Since these products are off-limits on keto anyway, you're better off making your own versions making use of keto recipes to stay clear of these hazardous fats (and all the carbohydrates).

But the following tricky fats aren't so very easy to stay away from:

# 2: Processed Oils, Including Ones Which Have Actually Been Heated

When you're checking nutrition tags at the supermarket, you might locate almonds roasted with salt and also some relatively healthy oil, as an example, and think you're in the clear if the macros exercise right.

But although these oils seem like they originate from a natural source, they're frequently simply low-grade, inflammatory oils, such as:

Peanut oil

Sunflower oil

Safflower oil

Grapeseed oil

Palm oil

Corn oil

Soybean oil

Just since the macros on that package may be keto-safe, it does not suggest you'll be any type of healthier consuming what's inside.

To guarantee you're truly healthy on keto, stay away from any type of foods that mention those oils on their label.

Using our instance, you can roast your own almonds making use of a healthier oil that can stand up to the warmth without damaging down, such as avocado or coconut oil, and sprinkle on a healthier salt like Himalayan pink salt afterwards.

But you likewise have to believe regarding the oil from fried foods too.

You may believe it's simply the breading you have to fret about when it pertains to deep deep-fried foods on keto, yet these are additionally cooked in below average oils like canola as well as peanut.

Foods cooked in these oils can damage your overall health.

Even if there's a keto-friendly food beneath your keto-safe breading, such as zucchini, calamari or even an unbreaded chicken wing, it's still a junk food if you fry it in unhealthy oils.

If your goal is to slim down and also boost your wellness, these oils have no place in your keto meals.

With all this talk about healthy and balanced vs undesirable keto fats, you're most likely ready to ask this next common question:

What About Saturated Fats?

You may be surprised to see hydrogenated fats missing out on from this checklist of fats to avoid on a ketogenic diet - which's permanently reason.

As you can find out more about in this podcast episode with Nina Teicholz, healthy hydrogenated fats are not the problem.

In truth, hydrogenated fats from healthy and balanced resources like avocado, grass-fed butter and coconut oil can be an excellent enhancement to your reduced carbohydrate keto dish plans, in addition to these other sources of healthy fats.

Good Keto Fats: Reach for These Fat Options Instead

You can see a complete checklist of good fats to take pleasure in on a ketogenic diet in this guide.

In the meantime, here's a mini cheatsheet of all the better-for-you fats you ought to include in your ketogenic dishes:

MCT oil or MCT oil powder, which is pure tool chain triglycerides (aka super healthy fat)

Grass-fed butter

Ghee

Coconut oil

Coconut butter

Avocado oil

Flaxseed oil

Extra virgin olive oil

Sesame oil

Walnut oil

Lard

Keto-friendly mayonnaise

Many of these selections are packed with unrefined polyunsaturated fats and monounsaturated fats which can help you:

Lose weight

Improve your energy levels

Fortify your gut health

Keep cancers cells and also cardiovascular disease at bay

Improve insulin resistance and also insulin sensitivity

Reduce blood pressure levels

You'll also find those exact same health and wellness benefits in nuts as well as seeds given that these both consist of high amounts of healthy and balanced fats and also reduced carbohydrate counts.

The best keto nuts and seeds consist of:

Macadamia nuts

Pecans

Brazil nuts

Hazelnuts

Walnuts

Chia seeds

Hemp seeds

Flax seeds

But, as mentioned in this guide, some nuts do have greater web carbs than others so it's best to comprehend which low carbohydrate choices are better for you on a keto diet regimen so you can get to as well as maintain ketosis with ease.

You can likewise sneak in a few of these healthy and balanced fats at the same time by making keto fat bombs. These mobile, portionable treats are the best enhancement to your keto snack or dessert routine.

For a far better suggestion of what to eat on a keto diet regimen, inspect out this guide: Keto Diet plan Foods: The Complete Ketogenic Diet Plan Food List later.

Your Next Relocate After Learning the Truth About Keto Fats

With this details under your belt, you'll be much less lured to purchase or snack on anything consisting of among the dangerous fats stated in this guide.

By doing this, you'll assist your body keep ketosis and also keep your health and wellness in great shape for the lasting.

For more keto-friendly substitutes that don't come with a host of dangerous active ingredients and also unwanted side results, have a look at these low carb recipes too.

On keto, it's not practically reaching ketosis. It has to do with making options that help you become as healthy and balanced as you desire to be.

By preventing these dangerous fats and loading up on better-for-you ones, you can do simply that and look efficient the same time.

[bedbellyandbeyond]

Syd

(Story Post, Continuation of Move)

“Syd? As in the pink doctor?” Dante asked. “Shh, shh, shh, shut up Dante…” Dante waved at him. “Syd! Hey! Satan's beard, you don't know how much I've missed you… Oh, yes, Dante's here. It's a long story.” Dusty put his hand on his hips. “…What? Yes I can put you on speaker.” Dusty poked his phone and put it on the table. “Can you hear me?” “Yes,” Sydryn said. “Dusty, did you find yourself employment?”

“I did actually, yeah!” Dusty said excitedly. “I work at APID now! I'm Fay's assistant.” “Really? Impressive. Can you afford a plane ticket?” “Probably not. Why? It's not like I can go anywhere…” “You can if you're with Dante, correct?” Syd asked. “Well, yes…” “Yes. So you, Dante, and the lover will need tickets to Frankfurt.” “The lover? Whose lover?” “Dante's.” “Which one?” Dante asked. “The one who wants you two most apart. Obviously not the dog spirit. He couldn't care less.” “Wait a second, what's going on here?” Dante asked. “I'm not hopping on any plane anywhere until I know why I need to.” “Of course not. I apologise. Let me explain.” Sydryn cleared their throat. “My previous understanding of your bond with Dusty was that it was unbreakable. However, while I’ve been here, I’ve sought higher knowledge and have been informed of a ritualistic practice that is believed to break such a bond. It requires however that a lover be present that wishes the bonded apart. I would assume that would be your partner, Dante.” “Ruben? He has to go too?” “Does he strongly wish that you weren’t bonded with Dusty?” “Very.” “Then he has to come.” “Grey and I have never been on a plane before…” Dusty muttered. “Can’t you just teleport?” Dante asked. “Not that far, no.” Syd sighed. “I’m sorry, Dusty, but the child cannot join you.” “What?” Dusty’s eyes widened. “Why not?” “Grey is a product of your bond. Performing the ritual with him present could be dangerous for him.” “No, I'm not going anywhere without him,” Dusty said, crossing his arms and shifting from foot to foot. “I can't run off to the other side of the world. He needs me.” “Darathan, you're going to have to deal with your separation anxiety if you want to have your bond lifted,” Sydryn stated. “Set your priorities.” Dusty grit his teeth and chewed his thumbnail. “How long will we be there?” “About a week and a half.” Dusty bit his lip. “I can't go without my son...” Dante placed a hand on the back of Dusty's neck. “...We have to do this. You deserve to be unbound to me. You're not going to be happy otherwise. And think of Grey. It wouldn't be fair to him either.” Dusty looked at Dante. “It might be easy for you to leave your kids, but Grey is all I have.” “Dusty, I'm doing this for my kids. That includes Grey. Once our bond is broken, I can settle things with Ruben and we can make arrangements around Grey... It'll be better.” Dusty frowned and looked away. “...I can't stay on much longer,” Sydryn explained. “You have a week to prepare should you chose to go through with this. I'll contact by email with more details. Let me know if you need financial assistance with the tickets.” “And it has to be Europe? We can't do the ritual here?” Dante asked. “No. It requires very specific conditions which includes purified ground. I spent weeks looking for the proper location and if I were to search again in Canada, we'd likely lose our window of opportunity.” “Okay... Send the email as soon as you can,” Dante said. “I will. I must hang up now. Good bye.” “Bye.” Dante hung up the phone and handed it to the demon. “Dusty, I'm scared too. Okay? I have to talk to Ruben and convince him to leave Yori with the kids alone and come with us to Germany. He won't even talk to me right now.” “I've never been separated from Grey since the day he was born,” Dusty said. “On that day, I found that I could love someone more than I love you and he became the most important person in my life. I can't leave him.” “Listen, I understand,” Dante said. “I understand that you've been alone in this since day one and it hasn't been fair to you or Grey. But this is for Grey. He shouldn't have to grow up knowing you're life is being restricted because of a dumb pact we made when we were children. You'll want to be able to lead him by example, show him the possibilities of life. Show him you can be happy.” Dusty pursed his lips. “...Dante, he makes me happy. That's enough for me.” “Dusty, you're not happy,” Dante said taking Dusty's hands and squeezing them. “I know you're not happy. I'm sure he keeps you going but this isn't happiness. This is survival.” Dusty looked down then over to the pillow fort where Grey was napping. “...Who'll take care of him?” “Yori can,” Dante suggested. “Grey should be with his siblings. They like him already. When you moved out, they missed him. And Lino and Vi will be helping for sure.” “That's five kids between three adults. And Yori's pregnant too...” “Yeah, and? Doesn't your boss have like five or six kids with another on the way?” “Six with two more on the way...” Dusty said. “I worry about them.” “It's just a week and a half, Dusty. It's going to be okay.” Dusty pulled his hands out of Dante’s and walked over to the kitchen to get himself some water. “I can’t decide right now. I’m already stressed out from work…” “Do you want some lunch?” Dante offered. “I was thinking of ordering something.” “You can order whatever you want,” Dusty said, after taking a sip of water. “I just need to lie down.” “Okay. Sounds good. I’ll be out here.” Dusty came back over and patted Dante’s chest. “What are you doing?” Dante raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?” “Since you started staying here, you’ve basically just been a depressed ghost living on my couch who barely remembers to shave, but today you’ve been all helpful and cheery.” “Oh.” Dante rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, that last week or so, I was pretty upset and I didn’t know what to even do with myself… But today when you asked me to watch Grey, it reminded me that I have responsibilities, and I should be helping you with our son instead of moping about… I’ve missed three years of his life so I should be working harder to give back to you and him.” Dusty pulled his hand back and placed it on his own chest. “…That’s noble, but it’s my fault in the first place that you didn’t know him those years… You shouldn’t feel obligated to help me.” “But I am,” Dante said. “I pushed you away twice when you needed me the most. I owe you for Grey’s life and I know I can’t give you what you really want from me, but I can still take care of the two of you.” “Dante, I will ask you for help if I need it, okay?” Dusty sighed. “I just... I need a little space.” “Alright. Understood.” Dante finished his water and headed towards his bedroom. He paused half way there, then turned, considered the pillow fort, then crawled into it to take his nap. Dante chuckled a bit then went to go pull out his laptop at the kitchen table.

[mell-bell]

I’m sorry I never said how much you meant to me (before you left)

aka First Fight

THIS IS PART OF A SERIES. IT WILL MOST LIKELY MAKE SENSE BY ITSELF

BUT JUST A FOREWARNING.

PART 1 PART 2 PART 3 PART 4 PART 5 PART 6 PART 7 PART 8 PART 9

PART 10 PART 11 PART 12 PART 13 PART 14 PART 15

AO3

Cassian x Reader

Words: 1349           

Series Summary: Cassian and Reader Firsts – from meeting each other to the first time, first kiss, first fight, first “I love you”, to their (first) last breaths (maybe…that might be too depressing)

Time Cassian and Reader have known each other: 2 years 5 months   

Chapter: 16/20

Prompt: Anonymous- “firsts” for cassian x reader please?!? (like first date, first kiss, first fight etc) :-))

Author’s notes: I’m so so sorry this took so long! I wanted to get it up sooner but for the life of me I couldn’t make Y/N and Cassian fight……like it was an issue. But I figured it out and I think you’ll like it! Hope you enjoy!

You and Cassian rarely fought. If you did it was usually over something stupid like not feeding Socks, or leaving a wet towel on the bed, or accidentally getting injured, or because of a prank. But it was never anything too serious. You would be mad for a few minutes, a few hours at most, but you would always make up relatively quickly.

You never expected to have a bad fight with him.

But then you risked your life to save someone. And though you walked away unscathed, you had been a second away from death.

And Cassian didn’t take it so well.

“You can’t keep doing this. You have people who worry about you! You can’t be throwing yourself into situations where we don’t know if you’re going to make it back alive or not!”

“And you’re one to talk?! You go off on dangerous missions all the time! You even withhold telling me the full details!”

“Because I don’t want you to worry!”

“That’s not up to you! I have a right to know!”

“Exactly like I have a right to tell you to stop being so reckless. I won’t let you do this anymore. You have to think about someone other than yourself.”

You sucked in a breath, “Cassian. This is my job. This is who I am. I do what I need to do. You can’t tell me what I can and cannot do. How dare you say I don’t think about other people. My job is to save people. I will do what I believe is right. And if you don’t like that, then leave.”

“Fine.” He snapped, “I will.”

And then he was gone.

You didn’t see him for a week. And you didn’t try to look for him even though you felt like your heart had been torn out of your chest.

The next few days were rough. You didn’t go back to your room, instead deciding to hole up in a spare room on the opposite side of base. You avoided everyone, not just Cassian. Both Leia and Draven tried to speak to you, but you didn’t hear a word they said.

“You know he’s just worried about you.”

You sighed burying your head deeper into your arms, “Stop it Nei. I’m not in the mood to talk about this right now.”

Nei sighed taking a seat next to you, “You can’t pretend this isn’t happening. You can’t keep ignoring everyone Y/N. Especially Cassian. He’s a mess right now.”

“Yeah well, he deserves it. I’m not talking to him.”

You knew you were being stubborn about this. You weren’t actually mad at Cassian. You knew he hadn’t met anything by it. A small part of your brain was screaming at you to get over yourself. But for some reason, you just couldn’t.

“He’s talking about leaving.”

Your head snapped up, your heart dropping. Leaving? You cleared your throat, before steeling your face, “Fine. See if I care.”

Nei froze before slowly shaking her head. With one last look at you, she stood up and started to leave. You turned to watch her walk out. As she opened the door you saw an excited Mila waiting eagerly on the other side. But as Nei whispered something in her ear, you could see her face drop and her eyes flit to you sadly.

And then you were alone once again.

Cassian was going crazy. The past few days were filled with pacing and worried thoughts.

He hadn’t seen you in days and he didn’t know where you were.

He knew he had made a mistake. He was so stupid to say what he did; he hadn’t meant to say it. He was just scared. Scared of losing you.

The next few days passed slowly and Cassian went through the motions. He kept an eye out for you but you were nowhere to be found.

So he let you stay hidden. He wasn’t planning on seeking you out. You wanted space and he was going to give it to you. He told as much to everyone who tried to get him to talk to you.

Leia had silently whacked him over the head multiple times. She didn’t have to say anything. Cassian knew what she was getting at.

Draven would stare at him in the hallway until he felt so uncomfortable that he would have to leave.

Even Kay yelled at him.

“Kay this is none of your business.”

“It is my business when your productivity decreases by 45%.”

Nei sidled up alongside Mila who was talking to General Draven and Leia, “So about this whole Y/N and Cassian fight….how are we going to fix this?”

Leia smiled, “Right on time Nei. Draven here has the best idea.”

Nei’s eyes widened in shock and she turned to face Draven, who was smirking slyly.

“Oh, I am so ready to hear this.”

It was a week after your fight with Cassian when their plan was put into motion.

You were walking down the hall when hands grabbed you.

You shrieked as you were shoved into a dark closet, the door slamming behind you.

“You need to talk to Cassian Y/N!”

You slammed your hands into the door, “Mila you let me out of here right now!”

Mila giggled, “No can do Y/N! Only Draven has the key.”

“Draven?!”

“Yep! It was his idea! Bye bye!”

You groaned, “Mila! Mila no wait come back here! I’ll let you babysit Socks for the weekend! Mila! Mila? Fuck.”

Cassian cleared his throat from behind you and you spun around pointing a finger at him.

“Don’t say a fucking word. I don’t want to talk to you right now. Let alone look at you.”

You could see Cassian’s eyes sadden as his body sunk.

You let out an exasperated sigh and dropped down to sit against the door.

You dropped your head in your hands and let out a frustrated scream. Cassian sunk down to the floor across from you, keeping his gaze on your shaking body.

“I can’t lose you.”

You raised your head and met Cassian’s eyes.

“I can’t lose you.” He repeated slowly.

You let out a sigh, “You’re not going to lose me.”

Cassian’s eyes lit up slightly but froze as you shook your head slightly.

“But you can’t do this to me Cassian. This is my job. This is my life.”

Cassian scurried to his feet, “I know. I know. I was just worried.”

You scuffed, “There’s a difference between worried and treating me like I’m your property.”

“I know. I know. I’m sorry.”

Cassian stepped toward you his arm rose to stroke along your arm. But you pulled back, “Don’t touch me. We’re supposed to be fighting.”

“Y/N. Please. I know this is your job. I know this is who you are. That’s why I fell in love with you. I love that you risk your life for strangers. But I don’t want to lose you. You’re my life. You’re my everything. I am going to get upset when I almost lose you. I can’t help that.”

“Next time just talk to me? Alright? No telling me what I can and cannot do. Tell me how you’re feeling and we’ll work through it. Together. Like always.”

Cassian nodded enthusiastically his eyes wide. You tried to stop your mouth from curling up but as his eyes grew more hopefully you sighed opening your arms.

Cassian didn’t wait a second before shuffling into them. He buried his head in your shoulder and wrapped his arms tight around you.

You pulled him close and stroked your hands up and down his back. He relaxed against you and you pressed a kiss to his head before smoothing a hand over his hair.

“I love you. You know that right?”

“I know. I love you too. Next time talk to me okay?”

“I will.”

Meow.

Cassian pulled back and you both looked up to the ceiling. Sock’s paw was hanging out of the air vent.

You met Cassian’s eyes and smirked, “Ready to go on an adventure?”

Author’s notes: Sorry this is shorter than usual but I didn’t want to drag out the fighting. I’m so pumped to get to the next chapter as you can see. JUST LOOK AT IT.

Tagged: @ly--canthrope @misswinchester221b @heyjess-marie @latenightbooknerd

Next up: I knew the second I met you (that we would say I do) aka First I do

Part 17