#okay I'm really going to sleep now
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Woah Nellie, so I got around to writing REDACTED today and even though I didn't do any this morning the ideas were flowing this afternoon and I've got five and a half days worth of posts. And I've still not gotten the whole goal ticked but to be fair it is one box for several things. Plus there's me liking adding extra bits. It'll make sense when we get there I promise.
Mad About Dodo finale! Tune in to see if Shay can even attend or if her food poisoning has her back in the hotel over a bucket... Maybe they'll have to CGI her in for that one 🧐
#ramble ramble ramble#before bed thoughts#I think the words were flowing because I've been imaging the scenes for so long#anyway goodnight#less nauseous today which was great#last night it took forever to get to sleep#okay I'm really going to sleep now#maybe
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Good morning, Sleepyhead.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#'WWX was asleep for 4 days' is an incorrect factoid.#The average WWX sleeps for 8 hours. The PD-MDZS WWX who was asleep for 40 comics and 4 months is an outlier.#We are back to present day! I have missed drawing them!#Ah...the contrast between how the flashback ended (cold and distrustful) to how wwx wakes up (warm and watched over)...#The gap between the past and present is very important. Not just in this story but in our lives too.#The past can still hurt and it doesn't just go away with time as some say. It is the power of realizing that things have changed.#We can't get the good back. The bad memories have concluded. Those live somewhere else now.#It is hard to realize that you have to live for today and tomorrow. The past is so loud.#For WWX it is realizing that despite the mistrust in the past - He really does have faith that LWJ will be there for him.#It is the reflection of knowing that you changed and will keep changing and that change is good and kind sometimes.#But more importantly...and this I really do mean with all my heart:#It will all end up okay in the end. Even after the worst day. The most painful losses. You will get through it.#What feels like a breaking point is truthfully just another step you have to take. You'll get through it even though it feels like the end.#There are wonderful things you have yet to see. Friends you have yet to meet.#Even if it hurts so badly...one day it just aches. Someday you'll go a few weeks not remembering that it ever hurt.#Oh and because my izutsumi comic revealed many people were in need of hearing this:#You are loved. Right now. You are so loved right now. We just forget to tell each other that.#Go tell the people you love that they matter to you. I'm assigning you homework!!! You are graded on completion.
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Recognition
#I worked on this for too long and now I can't really be satisfied with it but I can accept the fact that it is 3am and I should sleep#Okay time to ramble about monsterhaul. So obviously its something of an atypical form which means it isn't included in fan content too much#but when it is usually Nemoto's (for lack of a more eloquent term) fusion gets the spotlight which is fair and cool I love it too#However there is definitely something to be explored in the fact that Rikiya represents the violation of abstinence from err. contact#Which makes him interesting to be mushed together with the very literally and symbolically touch-averse character that is Chisaki.#And when placed before Kurono there's appeal in putting two characters normally so laden with inhibitions into a#situation where those are somewhat repealed by existing inherent filth and the dispositions of a third party.#Good concept. Anyways there's also the secondary factor I got caught up thinking about in this piece pertaining to#the escalation of Chisaki's severity in action and Hari's continued support in spite of the other's ever-decreasing resemblance to#the kid he met years ago as Chisaki abandons internal and external standards#In short I'm unwell#Going to ignore this for a while now so I don't scold myself for the anatomy#chronohaul#kurono hari#hari kurono#kai chisaki#chisaki kai#orb draws#mha#bnha#my hero academia
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Bradley "Boyfriend" Bradshaw
Messy hair, hickies and soft clothes <3
#sam draws#fanart#digital art#art#top gun#top gun maverick#rooster#bradley rooster bradshaw#bradley bradshaw#top gun art#top gun fanart#tgm#miles teller#I'm kind of in the middle of a whole medical issue so art might be a lil slow#sorry about that everyone#i had to go to the ER and everything lmao#im okay for the most part but its a thing thats been going on all year and im#1. really fucking tired of this and being in pain#and 2. really want to know what the fuck is going on with me that this keeps happening#hopefully ill get referred to a specialist now that its happened again#since that was kind of our plan#but we'll see!#but yes#between me being in pain and trying to work enough hours to keep my apartment art may be touch and go#i just wanna sleep all the time it really sucks
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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sneeping with his legs up over his head for some reason... weird boye
#cats#love the second picture... skrungly sleepy well rested boye face...#since he's an elderly boy now sometimes when he wakes up from a nap he looks a bit scruffy and squinty eyed#Hard to beleive he's like 15 though.. he still looks like a kitten to me.. due to his giant round creature eyes and childlike demeanor#I think it's interesting that like... baby cats are babies. kittens are kittens. and you can tell a cat is like 'young adult' phase#looking from like a few months to maybe 1yr or 2yrs.. but after that they just always look the same to me#a 5 yr old cat is a 10 yr old cat is a 15 year old cat. unless the cat in question is particulalry aged or youthful#I still have so so little energy... it's been icy here this week. like not even FUN but just scary icy even thoguh i lOOOVE the cold#and its my favorite weather. I think it'd be okay actually if I had a woodburning stove/fireplace/hearth thing. literally thats my only#concern with the power going out. I genuinely don't mind stuff like having to go to the bathroom in buckets or cook over a fire or do other#less conveninet things. Its just that if eveyrhtng is electric then you have no way to cook and all of that. well.. and I literally need#background noise to go to sleep lest my ocd sprials become so loud I am slowly driven into maddness.. but a few battery packs or something#and a phone with one downloaded video I could play on repeat is fine for that. I dont need internet. ANYWAY.. so so sad that my fav#orite season ever (winter) is here. and the first cold of the winter is like... just an ice storm that you cant even walk in. I#love like 4 feet of snow where you can play in it and stuff. But just a thin flat sheet of a few inches of ice over every imaginable surfac#is not really playable. the wind speeds are so high and so many trees fall it's actually not that safe to go hang out outside anyway unless#you were in a totally clear open field. which is SAD also because i love ice and high winds. i love to stand out there and get whipped in t#he face with ice crystals and feel like I'm in some dramatic movie or something. but alas.. the threat of being attacked by a falling tree.#I did go out some but again it's like. literallyyou cant walk on it. so I just squatted and dragged myself along the ground lol#One of my stories has a whole section where the main characters are trapped in a deadly cold environment for a week and have to use magic#to survive and etc. etc. so I'm always like.. ouuu.. I should go in the ice.. it's Writing Research actually.. *foolishly gets frostbite*#THOUGH yesterday I went on a harrowing evil journey down a bunch of icy hilly roads to go check on some person's cat because the cat#had been left in the house for like 5 days at that point with nobody to check on them and nobody else seemed to want to do anything#about it (like call all of the neighbors or try to get someone out there) so I just went myself with a roommate who agreed to drive me.#It seemed acting totally normal and I gave it more food and water but.. I am still worried about it.. Apparently the person will be able#to get back to their house tomorrow but.. I dont trust them. But I couldnt take the cat with me because it's like.. a stranger's cat#basically and also no carrier + very skittish.. so I feared if I just tried to carry them bare handed they'd definitely leap from my grasp#and then it'd be like.. sliding on a sheet of ice chasing a cat and so on.. I still think they need to be watched for health issues tho >:|#ANYWAY.... many cat adventures lately... and strange weather... I wish for a normal week without always so many Things Happening.. augh
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I hope this blog is great AI dataset poison. Of course I have 3rd party sharing turned off, but it's not like an AI company is actually gonna listen to that stuff
The majority of generated transformers imagery I've seen is already just blobs of color. Ironically, robots are hard for AI to understand. And here am I, with hundreds of scruched up little (though maybe even too little to be included in a dataset) images, selected specifically for looking weird, all tagged various transformers characters. Just imagine what all those croissant Arcees could do to an image generator!
#not a face#anti ai#random thing i thought of a few days ago but forgot to post until now#i'm sorry i haven't responded to so many people yet#irl stuff has gotten to me and i haven't had the energy to try and get my slow laptop to run tumblr#so i've just been relying on the queue which is actually stocked for once#i'd be lying if i said everything was okay but it's also nothing to be worried about#just one of those 'life happens' situations that was inevitable and a long time coming#ok it's not even a 'situation' really#i knew a sad thing was going to happen and then it happened and now it's over#it's not that bad i promise this has happened to me like 30 times already and i know how to deal with it#and having to deal with it is basically the only consequence#sorry for the 4am trauma dump#i guess messing up my sleep schedule was also a consequence lol
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I know I'm pretty mia lately (life is kicking real hard), but WHERE TF IS ADAMROSS??
(his Instagram is just deactivated)
Snap Snap Boyfriend pls come back 🥺
#“darya you've been gone for a week and now are asking about adam at 4:30am are you okay?” MIND YOUR BUSINESS!#(i am okay 👍 i will not explain the hours and you will be okay with that)#Adam baby where are you. where did you go. come back (yes i do see the irony given i too am doing a disappearing act)#i'm just posting it cus i don't know if I'm the one who has noticed and i am distressed (not really but a little)#(okay i'm retreating back to my shell like the liddol busy snail i am bye love you stay sexy)#sleep token#<- technically#adamross#adamrossi
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need a slow and sleepy make out session with aki. perhaps then. I would be cured
#I'm sooooo tired#I felt okay this morning but right now the lack of sleep is really hitting me lol#guhhhhh I need to nap#aki pls keep me going so I don't crash
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Truly sorry people have forgotten the whole "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything" adage. But also that others are sending you the not so nice things that are being said. Like, that definitely kinda sucks too. Best to you and focusing on things that make you happy!
Oh god everyone's being so nice now I'm so embarrassed.
You're very kind dear. Well the people sending me stuff are only sending me nice things! At least on the main post! But then there will be comments or replies that complain about it - oh I don't like them anymore because they wrote BT, etc.
(Side note - BT stands for BuckTaylor so people using it for BuckTommy - dear GOD please stop. The ship names are confusing enough with y'all picking like ten of them. Please. I am smol and confuséd.)
So the people sending this stuff are well-intentioned. I only meant to explain why (among many other reasons) I won't listen to the (again, well-intentioned) people who say oh my gosh you're missing out on all the kind things people are saying on these other sites! I appreciate all that kindness, really I do and I'm so very lucky to have such enthusiasm and such love for my writing. But I would honestly rather miss out on some of it if it means that I'm protected from seeing the more spoiled or bad faith actors. I have seen very very little 'discourse' over this whole ship war that's sprung up and I'm glad for that, but part of how I've avoided it is by purposefully staying very much in my lane, not go looking through tags, and honestly even deeply limiting who I follow.
Honestly I don't let it usually bother me. 90% of people are so kind and lovely, and I know that the people being angry are not the majority. And I doubt that most of the people complaining even view it as all that deep, they're just venting because they're annoyed and being overly dramatic as we tend to be in fandom because acting overly dramatic is how we do everything around here (hell knows I do it too). I'm just really struggling in my 'real life' and having a bad day so it just kind of got to me, especially since my next three fics are BuddieTommy and I won't be publishing any Buddie until Halloween, and I was feeling kinda low like great, I'm gonna publish these and people will talk shit I guess. Not fun! I gotta say!
But I am and will be okay. I honestly did not expect my inbox to explode the way it just did when I vented in those tags. I, uh, don't expect people to care? that much? which sounds bad but I just mean that I don't expect people to pay all that much attention to me. So it's very sweet that people are sending me love and support.
Thank you for your kindness and thank you to everyone else. I really don't want this to be a Thing so I'm answering all other asks privately. Thank you dears.
#lincoln answers things#fivelittlebirdies#I feel weirdly like I should apologize?#like oh god wait you all are now going out of your way to be nice to me#I didn't mean to draw a ton of attention to myself!#I just y'know had to vent a little and hope that in venting#people will have a real-life example#and will consider being a little kinder to EVERY fic author#seriously I'm okay it's all good I just haven't been sleeping and a big work project is just NOT going through the way it should#and summer depression is a bitch#that's all#I feel like I got a paper cut and everyone's reacting like I broke a bone like WAIT NO I'M OKAY I PROMISE I SWEAR!!! LOL I'm so embarrassed#seriously though remember kids the key to enjoying fandom is to find like ten people you befriend#and ignore literally everything else#I looooooove not knowing the negative shit that's going on ignorance really is bliss and you too can achieve it!
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I do need to get to bed, now ... I didn't mean to stay up this late.
#I'm feeling more social lately so I'm commenting and DMing more--I really hope that isn't bothering anyone /gen#now if we could just get me back to posting about my ships we'll be golden /lh#I'm sure that'll come with time ... but I hope you guys know how much I've appreciated your patience and support /gen#okay ... I'm going to sleep now ...#goodnight ~#scattered pages
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i did it u_u
#actually rather pleased with my Bronze Age abstract#Advisor is going to demolish the Other one but that's okay because I at least did something so I got the practice and I can sleep now.#It's kind of funny I was writing the Bronze Age one and I can already feel the struggle of compressing a dissertation's worth#of information into 15 minutes. Like ffs I'm supposed to speedrun oil as an extraction reductant and also talk about Egypt's alum trade?#But this is My Fault. I have done this to myself.#Okay but I'm already bubbling with excitement to talk about Leather Tanning again. Nobody was here when I went on this massive#5 hour long rabbit hole of leather tanning research because... I think I was trying to find out if you could use mushroom collagen#to replicate leather? (The answer is yes.) But it took me down this road of Leather tanning because I was trying to understand the#ion exchange that makes it supple and TLDR there's this massive exploitative industry in the Middle East and Southeast Asia that uses#Cobalt salts because the Co 3+ sits really nicely in the collagen site and you can quickly dye and destroy most of the organics from the#animal itself; but because of that you've also destroyed the texture of the leather. I forget why Al 3+ isn't used. I think it's because it#weathers over time and the leather becomes stiff and hard again. Same with Fe3+. ANYWAY. Try and find thick leather when you#do buy leather because leather IS great and I will die(dye) on this hill. But it's the exploitative textile industry that causes problems.#Honestly I've forgotten 90% of the chemistry but it's so fucking cool and a really interesting peek into an organic affected by inorganics#rather than affecting an inorganic mineral with organics. UGH I love chemistry so much. It's so fucking cool.#ptxt#christ this might be my worst tag essay lol
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I have some Colin headcanons because it's 1am and apparently, this is what I'm thinking about tonight. Headcanons based solely on the show - Book!Colin is just a different animal.
Some time after the whole Marina incident, he and Anthony had a very uncomfortable conversation about how and where he can go get laid. Benedict found out about it, and finds it hilarious
He totally lost his virginity to the Contessa. Like - he DOES NOT shut up about her.
And she seduced him - because I just cannot imagine him ever having that much game. (Colin is not a liar, but he is kinda dumb and rather pretty, and I'm sure this woman knew what she was doing.)
She also is the one who taught him how to properly pleasure a woman (c'mon, he had to learn that from somewhere and I highly doubt /that/ was something Anthony or Benedict was going to go into-though that'd have been a hilarious convo.), plus, while the European Tour was definitely his slut era, I'm guessing 99% of that was at brothels.
(Though, I am amused by the idea of Colin asking so many questions at the brothels and the sex workers being like... okay, my dude, usually sex does not include this much talking.)
Also, slut era isn't as slutty as he lets on when he gets back. I mean, he only keeps telling the ONE story. And sure, discovering sex is fun, but as he writes in his journal, doesn't stop loneliness or provide genuine connection.
How many times did he end up at a brothel after he wrote to Pen and thought about the fact that he's been hearing nothing back from her?
#bridgerton#colin bridgerton#it's now 2am and i should sleep#the whole contessa thing just was a fascinating point#was this a book related easter egg?#or just isn't into slutting it up the way his friends are doing#it's a rhetorical question#the idea of what anthony and benedict could have taught him is kind of a hilarious side tangent#okay i'm really going to bed now
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man i sure wish i had the energy to do anything at all!
okay well it's not entirely true that i haven't been doing anything. i'm cooking. trust.
#meds make it so i can't really strongly differentiate between depressive episodes and regular depression#it's moreso a constant depression with random spurts of energy in between long periods of doing nothing but sleeping and working#but the art i HAVE managed to produce has gone pretty hard ngl.#i think it's also the current political climate here in america. it's hostile and i'm drifting away from my family because of it#and that's been pretty rough#it's been a gradual drift away that started in high school and has just intensified through adulthood#but i love my friends and my favs and cats and music#i think coming to terms with being disabled has been a punch to the gut since now my options SHOULD be open. but there's SO MUCH i can't do#things are looking up for me in the general sense. i'm in a good spot in my life right now but that doesn't stop the perpetual brainfog#nothing will ever really stop this everpresent depression but i'm generally stable and healthy so it is what it is#it feels good to love and be loved and that's what keeps me going#if i'm sad? sleep it off. go to work then sleep for 16 hrs a day on my days off. then work again. easy#the life of a productive little worker bee is great!#ress thinks#okay rant over. i'm not in a bad place rn dw! i just like to yap
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#waiting to start not one but TWO immunosupressants and knowing exactly what date it's going to happen is so weird#because there's a deadline on your immune system now#and i spend most of the time not really thinking about it and then out of nowhere I'll be like#oh yeah#in just under two weeks I won't have my good immune system anymore#i wont be able to rely on it as i always have because it won't be there#and i know Exactly when it's going to happen#it's. in all honestly it feels bizarrely like being at the vets when sobi was put to sleep#it was the right thing to do it was the right time to so it and i knew it was coming#we need to do this so my immune system doesn't keep eating my intestines in its fervour#it's the right thing to do it's the right time to do it it's needed and necessary but I'm grieving all the same#yes okay maybe it's stupid to equate starting immunosuppressants with my pet dying#maybe im being overdramatic about all this#ive had people tell me it probably wont be that bad it'll probably just give me a normal system j shoudl stop stressing about all this#i should stop feeling so sad about all this#and that doesn't help one fucking bit#i do feel sad about this. i feel very sad about this. i am experiencing grief about this#dont tell me to make my emotions smaller#the nurse said i would could as high risk. that i will need to avoid people who even just have colds#this is not a small change. this is me losing something i have relied on for my entire life#something i have taken a stupid pride in for my entire life#and it feels just like being at the vets. gently stroking sobi's head as he died#putting him to sleep. putting my immune system to sleep. telling it did well#it'll come back one day i know (i hope) but for now it has a deadline#crunchy rambles
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anywayyyy i loved the toymaker i hope people write gay ass fanfic of him and the doctor
#doctor who#i did watch the original toymaker serial (in all it's reconstructed still image glory) but that was over 5 years ago so i don't remember#anything except teenage me was enamoured with steven's hair and there were clowns#i was really impressed by the new version of the toymaker tho. he was so freaky and as much as i know it would be terrible to bring him bac#again and again like a regular villain i want to see more of him ): like nooo doctor don't banish him forever. i like him ): funny toymaker#i'm gonna be so disappointed when they innevitably bring the master back out now cause i'll just be like rip you are not the toymaker#okay silly ranting done. i'm gonna go to sleep now (lying probably)#dw spoilers
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