#okay I'm really going to sleep now | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

changingplumbob · 5 months ago

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Woah Nellie, so I got around to writing REDACTED today and even though I didn't do any this morning the ideas were flowing this afternoon and I've got five and a half days worth of posts. And I've still not gotten the whole goal ticked but to be fair it is one box for several things. Plus there's me liking adding extra bits. It'll make sense when we get there I promise.

Mad About Dodo finale! Tune in to see if Shay can even attend or if her food poisoning has her back in the hotel over a bucket... Maybe they'll have to CGI her in for that one 🧐

#ramble ramble ramble #before bed thoughts #I think the words were flowing because I've been imaging the scenes for so long #anyway goodnight #less nauseous today which was great #last night it took forever to get to sleep #okay I'm really going to sleep now #maybe

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orb-weaving · 5 months ago

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Recognition

#I worked on this for too long and now I can't really be satisfied with it but I can accept the fact that it is 3am and I should sleep #Okay time to ramble about monsterhaul. So obviously its something of an atypical form which means it isn't included in fan content too much #but when it is usually Nemoto's (for lack of a more eloquent term) fusion gets the spotlight which is fair and cool I love it too #However there is definitely something to be explored in the fact that Rikiya represents the violation of abstinence from err. contact #Which makes him interesting to be mushed together with the very literally and symbolically touch-averse character that is Chisaki.#And when placed before Kurono there's appeal in putting two characters normally so laden with inhibitions into a #situation where those are somewhat repealed by existing inherent filth and the dispositions of a third party.#Good concept. Anyways there's also the secondary factor I got caught up thinking about in this piece pertaining to #the escalation of Chisaki's severity in action and Hari's continued support in spite of the other's ever-decreasing resemblance to #the kid he met years ago as Chisaki abandons internal and external standards #In short I'm unwell #Going to ignore this for a while now so I don't scold myself for the anatomy #chronohaul #kurono hari #hari kurono #kai chisaki #chisaki kai #orb draws #mha #bnha #my hero academia

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vaguely-concerned · 3 months ago

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my capacity to see a bad fandom take and just blithely say 'okay! I disagree' internally and move on because it's not my responsibility or concern that someone else thinks that has leveled up so tremendously over the years. I haven't quite escaped the pit of misery yet but I think I'm getting there

#the ability to say to oneself 'it's okay if you don't agree with me'#(and possibly adding a quiet bitchy 'I can't force you to be right' at the end if you're annoyed enough lol)#at seeing a bad take without ever internalizing it any deeper than that... indispensible.#if someone is really unpleasantly vitriolic or reactive about it I'll just block and move on. and never think about them again #a gift for me and for them I'm sure! but as long as people are being civil I'm getting pretty good at just going 'alright.#I think you're wrong but it's your prerogative to think that. away from me preferably but still'#when I was younger I always felt like a more negative take must be more valid/see something I didn't but over time (and a lot of therapy)#that kneejerk self-doubt is a lot easier to get through. sometimes. people are wrong! to me and my experience. and that's alright #if nothing else understand your own limitations in ever changing someone's mind for them and let it go lol #when I feel the real badfeels at a shitty take now I know it's just because I'm tired and threadbare and need to sleep haha #sometimes mental health progress is sooooo... boring and low-key but also brings so much relief #like doing admin work up here. *sees something so dumb I feel dizzy* file that shit under 'not my problem' and move on chief

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deoidesign · 10 months ago

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#ok finally making a post about meds #I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset #so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but #it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways #so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone #like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus #my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night #sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired #it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted #but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too #but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared #so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow #anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING #that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up #I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world #and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on #and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!

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outlying-hyppocrate · 1 month ago

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coming back here feels like paying a visit to the fucking dead.

#random thoughts #(this post was made ten days before my return is scheduled. please keep in mind all my disappearances were planned.)#on the topic of the post. i keep. missing myself.#seeing my old self in pictures and reading my posts. i'm not that person anymore.#obviously i'm not going to be. i'm young. lots of changes are set for me.#i hate being sometimes. just being.#but we all do right ?#all of the past versions of me are dead. the only things i have left of them are facets.#i miss them. like i've missed you!!#but then again the attention and lack of it is. why i am here again. or maybe i'm just ready to be a person rightly.#not. really. but i'll have more to say in perhaps other posts. i'll schedule those too.#in the meantime. see you later!! sorry for being an asshole and disappearing again. i bet you really thought i was dead this time.#well. okay obviously not. it's only been a month hasn't it ?#less than even. how silly am i..... (':#i'm so fucking disgusting i need to shut my mouth. augh.#i was about to come in here and be like “ask me anything!!” because i'm crispin the dumb actor bitch.#my stupid fucking persona has taken over my entire blog. and the most ironic thing is that crispin isn't even his name.#(<- not that negative usually. while this is true it's also not nice. apologizing on someone's behalf.)#edit: 04.02.2025. eight days before return. i thought we'd have more to add but. suppose not.#this is everything whether you like it or not.#DO NOT MIND THE TORRENTIAL YAP I HAVE WRITTEN IN THE TAGS.#edit: 08.02.2025. i just want to be myself again. outlying-hyppocrate. formal and poetic and pathetic.#and i'm not. but i'll grow back into his skin subconsciously. him.#edit: 11.02.2025. i'll probably be sleeping when this sends out.#i fall asleep so early now........ 6pm and tangled dreams.#so fucking tired. doing well and not.#stream pocky boy by yeule ! ! !#no actually. i do have more to say. wait a minute.

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mariyekos · 11 days ago

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Thoughts on the new DMC trailer?

Going to be honest I haven't watched any trailers since the trailer at the Game Awards (or whichever one I have those 2 breakdown posts for) 😅 I keep seeing the trailer announcements when I don't have my headphones on me, and I've been behind on watching them once I have the time... maybe tomorrow I'll finally get to watching them! Tonight I'm dead tired so I don't think I'd be in much of a good mood and I don't want to start off on the wrong foot, so to speak. When I watch them I can make a write up on it though! Would probably be fun.

#work is exploding and also i'm trying to read more and study latin #and i'm also doing ultimate raising in ffxiv and have been making guides for my static bc most of them haven't cleared yet #raiding not raising*#then yesterday i had a game (sports) so i really just had no time for anything....#i've been trying to get through my backlog of ao3 comments too #so with all that taken into account....i have barely had any time for absorbing new fandom material or contributing #i haven't written any fic in a week or two #actually. have i written anything since the dmc3 anniversary nearly a month ago...?#i think i opened a fic once but i doubt i added much #most of my time in my docs has been devoted to analyzing moby dick #...which i'm doing for fun #but yeah. so many obligations. i've been pulling unofficial overtime for work. and i'm kind of over my head right now #so i haven't had nearly as much time for dmc stuff as i would like...#i spent part of my drive home today thinking about something i'd like to do with one of my wips #(when i wasn't panicking about that one person who tried to ram into me for about 10-12 minutes in bumper to bumper-#-traffic in the rain. that was 'fun'. and by fun i mean terrifying. i got the heat inducing anxiety and if that person didn't let off-#-soon i was genuinely considering calling 911 because it was. bad. they nearly hit me so many times and kept honking....#even though there was nowhere to go..mand almost rammed me into the barrier on the bridge...#today has been a very long day. it's 9:14pm and everything i've done today has been work or raid besides like 20min of tumblr)#okay enough rambling for now i've gotta get ready for bed #i didn't even get home from my basketball game until after 10 last night and i had to be awake at 5:30 and barely slept last week #so i'm running on many days of sub 7hours of sleep and i am not good at that. i get so exhausted.#so yeah!!!#ty for question i really do mean to watch it i just haven't found the time #i want to give it the proper attention when i watch it. and by it i mean them. all the trailers #erurandomness #erudmc

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tiny-tf-faces · 11 months ago

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I hope this blog is great AI dataset poison. Of course I have 3rd party sharing turned off, but it's not like an AI company is actually gonna listen to that stuff

The majority of generated transformers imagery I've seen is already just blobs of color. Ironically, robots are hard for AI to understand. And here am I, with hundreds of scruched up little (though maybe even too little to be included in a dataset) images, selected specifically for looking weird, all tagged various transformers characters. Just imagine what all those croissant Arcees could do to an image generator!

#not a face #anti ai #random thing i thought of a few days ago but forgot to post until now #i'm sorry i haven't responded to so many people yet #irl stuff has gotten to me and i haven't had the energy to try and get my slow laptop to run tumblr #so i've just been relying on the queue which is actually stocked for once #i'd be lying if i said everything was okay but it's also nothing to be worried about #just one of those 'life happens' situations that was inevitable and a long time coming #ok it's not even a 'situation' really #i knew a sad thing was going to happen and then it happened and now it's over #it's not that bad i promise this has happened to me like 30 times already and i know how to deal with it #and having to deal with it is basically the only consequence #sorry for the 4am trauma dump #i guess messing up my sleep schedule was also a consequence lol

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moonchild-in-blue · 5 months ago

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I know I'm pretty mia lately (life is kicking real hard), but WHERE TF IS ADAMROSS??

(his Instagram is just deactivated)

Snap Snap Boyfriend pls come back 🥺

#“darya you've been gone for a week and now are asking about adam at 4:30am are you okay?” MIND YOUR BUSINESS!#(i am okay 👍 i will not explain the hours and you will be okay with that)#Adam baby where are you. where did you go. come back (yes i do see the irony given i too am doing a disappearing act)#i'm just posting it cus i don't know if I'm the one who has noticed and i am distressed (not really but a little)#(okay i'm retreating back to my shell like the liddol busy snail i am bye love you stay sexy)#sleep token #<- technically #adamross #adamrossi

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itsmistyeyedbi · 3 months ago

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There's so much I want to write and so much I want to read, but I can't fully engage with much of anything right now and it's killing me😭

#so many fic ideas! i thought about a zuri x farah one with zuri doing her hair #and them talking about their experiences regarding their hair and how its perceived #i wrote my general thoughts down on it and it would be !!!#so interesting!!#(especially since things concerning race aren't really... there in game ig - and idk if i want it to be for a variety of reasons)#(but exploring it with them could be !!!!!!!)#i thought of a mini series of zuri and adam going on drives together as their relationship progresses #i also wanna write something with zuri and bobby after the events of book 3 #with bobby seeking her out with more genuine intentions than he does in book 2 and contrasting the two #i wanna write a few scene rewrites just for just #and there are so many fics i wanna read! i've missed so many of them and they all seem so interesting and fun #but i am suffering💀#i'm in a different country for an extended period of time (for me at least) when i really didn't want to be #(travelling in general isn't really for me - not when my parents 'plan' it)#i'm struggling to sleep because it's not my bed and i am constantly aware that its not my bed #all my energy is going into being as okay as i can be while counting the days until i can go home #(and i know as soon as i'm on the plane i'm gonna feel like this wasn't so bad so i dislike that it still mostly feels like it is)#and i forgot to take the pill for days now so my period just started for the second time this month💀💀#make it stop PLEASE #this ended up being a more personal rant but like UAUSGSH #i just need it to be over #chichi.txt

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meownotgood · 10 months ago

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need a slow and sleepy make out session with aki. perhaps then. I would be cured

#I'm sooooo tired #I felt okay this morning but right now the lack of sleep is really hitting me lol #guhhhhh I need to nap #aki pls keep me going so I don't crash

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teddybeartoji · 4 months ago

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can't stop thinking abt how much my grandma would've loved toji.....

#she was a very bossy woman #but not in like a mmm rude way #she was just the head of the house yk?#she lived at the countryside and so there was always smth to do #i used to spend all of my summers and school holidays there with her #and every weekend when my parents and her son would come visit she just gave everybody a job lmao #oh wait so she wasn't technically my grandma she was my grandma's sister but . to me she still counted as a grandma okay #anyway #i think if yk she'd still be here and i were to take toji with me to there #they would get along very very well #bc i think toji would do everything she said without a question or a complaint #she was a big talker too so i just like to imagine him helping her out with whatever while she tells a story about whatever #and he is . listening #perhaps peeks at what i'm doing in the meanwhile but he's good okay #he's gonna be a good little worker hehehhee #(and i'm gonna be drooling for the entire time bc holy fuck he's like dirty now and he's sweating and he's being sooo so nice and mmmm sexy #and then for dinner we barbeque smth and he gets to show off his skills with the grill sahgdghsdhgsagdas #and then ofc we go to the sauna and then swimming #i would've loved to tell him stories about the place #and then we'd sleep in a bed that's just a bit too small but neither of us care #and i would whisper more stories bc i have sooo so many stories to tell abt the place and her #mmmmmmmmmmmmm #i miss her and i miss her place #it's still there like i still occasionally go and visit (her grandkid is taking care of it now) but it's not really the same anymore #anyway i think the morning would be sooo so lovely too we'd get coffee and she'd most definitely makes us pancakes and wahhh #i think this is one of the sweetest daydreams of mine #i think he would've loved it there a lot #despite all of the work #i think he would've loved it #miji

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yunogf · 2 months ago

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#my coworker who covers for me when I'm out (and vice versa) saw me getting progressively more sick throughout the week #so she was like omg go home :/ and i was like hhhhh okay ill wait it out a few days tho (bc i dont want to use all my sick leave already)#so i was like i just need to make it to thurs and fri so i can have a long weekend so wed afternoon i was like #are u good to cover me thurs and fri and she was like yes absolutely take off go home actually go home now #so i left and hour early wed and then let all my managers and supervisors and bosses know i was taking off #so why do i wake up today (still sick this headache will Not go away) and everyone has texted asking if im coming in today #and i saw all their messages late bc i was sleeping so now i just feel really guilty chxjcjx #taking time off always makes me feel guilty and anxious working life has beaten me down into the perfect employee 🫠#i always assume theyre gonna think im faking it #and my supervisor made a crack at our staff meeting abt me taking a bunch of sick leave lasg year??????#which isnt true i only used my 2 weeks vacation so idk what that was abt #it just made me stress more 😭😭😭😭#too late to worry abt it now but i still am :)

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iamthepulta · 8 months ago

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i did it u_u

#actually rather pleased with my Bronze Age abstract #Advisor is going to demolish the Other one but that's okay because I at least did something so I got the practice and I can sleep now.#It's kind of funny I was writing the Bronze Age one and I can already feel the struggle of compressing a dissertation's worth #of information into 15 minutes. Like ffs I'm supposed to speedrun oil as an extraction reductant and also talk about Egypt's alum trade?#But this is My Fault. I have done this to myself.#Okay but I'm already bubbling with excitement to talk about Leather Tanning again. Nobody was here when I went on this massive #5 hour long rabbit hole of leather tanning research because... I think I was trying to find out if you could use mushroom collagen #to replicate leather? (The answer is yes.) But it took me down this road of Leather tanning because I was trying to understand the #ion exchange that makes it supple and TLDR there's this massive exploitative industry in the Middle East and Southeast Asia that uses #Cobalt salts because the Co 3+ sits really nicely in the collagen site and you can quickly dye and destroy most of the organics from the #animal itself; but because of that you've also destroyed the texture of the leather. I forget why Al 3+ isn't used. I think it's because it #weathers over time and the leather becomes stiff and hard again. Same with Fe3+. ANYWAY. Try and find thick leather when you #do buy leather because leather IS great and I will die(dye) on this hill. But it's the exploitative textile industry that causes problems.#Honestly I've forgotten 90% of the chemistry but it's so fucking cool and a really interesting peek into an organic affected by inorganics #rather than affecting an inorganic mineral with organics. UGH I love chemistry so much. It's so fucking cool.#ptxt #christ this might be my worst tag essay lol

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spaceorphan18 · 9 months ago

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I have some Colin headcanons because it's 1am and apparently, this is what I'm thinking about tonight. Headcanons based solely on the show - Book!Colin is just a different animal.

Some time after the whole Marina incident, he and Anthony had a very uncomfortable conversation about how and where he can go get laid. Benedict found out about it, and finds it hilarious

He totally lost his virginity to the Contessa. Like - he DOES NOT shut up about her.

And she seduced him - because I just cannot imagine him ever having that much game. (Colin is not a liar, but he is kinda dumb and rather pretty, and I'm sure this woman knew what she was doing.)

She also is the one who taught him how to properly pleasure a woman (c'mon, he had to learn that from somewhere and I highly doubt /that/ was something Anthony or Benedict was going to go into-though that'd have been a hilarious convo.), plus, while the European Tour was definitely his slut era, I'm guessing 99% of that was at brothels.

(Though, I am amused by the idea of Colin asking so many questions at the brothels and the sex workers being like... okay, my dude, usually sex does not include this much talking.)

Also, slut era isn't as slutty as he lets on when he gets back. I mean, he only keeps telling the ONE story. And sure, discovering sex is fun, but as he writes in his journal, doesn't stop loneliness or provide genuine connection.

How many times did he end up at a brothel after he wrote to Pen and thought about the fact that he's been hearing nothing back from her?

#bridgerton #colin bridgerton #it's now 2am and i should sleep #the whole contessa thing just was a fascinating point #was this a book related easter egg?#or just isn't into slutting it up the way his friends are doing #it's a rhetorical question #the idea of what anthony and benedict could have taught him is kind of a hilarious side tangent #okay i'm really going to bed now

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carlottastudios · 9 months ago

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So I think I'm making some decent progress on my unhinged Kaeya lore thoughts post

The WIP of the mindmap is below the cut

I'm really scared that I'm still missing a lot of stuff, but it's past midnight now so I'll be stopping for now and actually get some sleep

#genshin impact #kaeya alberich #I'm starting to think this post will have 2 parts #a mindmap to visualize all of these concepts and their connections to Kaeya and to each other #and then a google doc where I explain my actual thought process on the inclusions and connections of these concepts #the things I do for you Kaeya my beloved #I'm positive that I still am missing a lot #but maybe that's okay #maybe I don't need to make THE Kaeya lore post of all time #if I can just add some of my own thoughts to the discussion of all things Kaeya that's already something #I might also have an actual theory (or 2) to present from all this but it's honestly still really vague and maybe kinda crack #ah well if roozevelt can make a youtube channel based partly on high-quality hogwild tinfoil crack theorizing #then maybe I can get away with sharing my own tinfoil thoughts #I should feel way more tired than I do RN lmao #for real though I hope everyone reading this has a good day/night sleeps well and hydrates enough #Imma go to sleep and dream of Kaeya now

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ressq · 7 months ago

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man i sure wish i had the energy to do anything at all!

okay well it's not entirely true that i haven't been doing anything. i'm cooking. trust.

#meds make it so i can't really strongly differentiate between depressive episodes and regular depression #it's moreso a constant depression with random spurts of energy in between long periods of doing nothing but sleeping and working #but the art i HAVE managed to produce has gone pretty hard ngl.#i think it's also the current political climate here in america. it's hostile and i'm drifting away from my family because of it #and that's been pretty rough #it's been a gradual drift away that started in high school and has just intensified through adulthood #but i love my friends and my favs and cats and music #i think coming to terms with being disabled has been a punch to the gut since now my options SHOULD be open. but there's SO MUCH i can't do #things are looking up for me in the general sense. i'm in a good spot in my life right now but that doesn't stop the perpetual brainfog #nothing will ever really stop this everpresent depression but i'm generally stable and healthy so it is what it is #it feels good to love and be loved and that's what keeps me going #if i'm sad? sleep it off. go to work then sleep for 16 hrs a day on my days off. then work again. easy #the life of a productive little worker bee is great!#ress thinks #okay rant over. i'm not in a bad place rn dw! i just like to yap

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