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#ok. so all my applications r submitted now. which is something bc at 7pm i didnt think it was going to
opens-up-4-nobody
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2 years
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#other ppl: youll be fine! u r passionate abt what u do
#no u dont understand. its not passion. im being consumed. im being devoured whole and alive.
#its out of control and its killing me
#stop trying to tell me im good. i can assure u its a problem and i want it to fucking stop. whats the point of being successful if u cant
#even fucking breathe?
#this has been my weekend in purgatory for some reason. but fuck u i got the fucking application 98% done so im gonna read it over tomorrow
#when my brain doesnt feel like its gonna explode and thrn send it to the dude and idk see wtf he has to say about it bc im positive i
#overwrote it bc im unhinged. whatever tomorrow im gonna spend another 4hr transfering algae
#if i can. turns out ive given myself a headache and now i cannot sleep lmao
#lol i wrote all that yesterday night. it appears i was having a bad time. and i continue to have a bad time bc my manuscript is 98% ready
#for submission but i leave at 7.20 tomorrow morning for my flight and wont be home until 7pm in this time zone at the very least
#which means ill have to fucking wait all day to submit i guess unless i use plane wifi or something. fucking idk
#i also havent sent the application in yet and i havent bought any Christmas presents bc my brain is splitting into a million pieces
#its 10 pm now. will is sleep tonight? who's to say i still have work to do on this fucking manuscript
#at least my coauthor thinks itll only get sent back with minor revisions so it must look pretty ok
#part of it is just me bitching abt inconsistent methods across papers bc it annoys me but also i dont give a fuck
#i will fucking psychically control ppl to read this paper and use its knowledge bc the way they talk abt the topic annoys me so much
#which is additionally annoying bc like i said i dont give a fuck
#anyway im procrastinating
#unrelated
#my parents texting me today: yay we r excited to see u 🤗
#and im just laying on the floor eminating a demonic aura
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opens-up-4-nobody
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1 year
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#ok. so all my applications r submitted now. which is something bc at 7pm i didnt think it was going to
#i mean. i did half ass the last one. like i wrote the personal statement and research statement in December as a draft
#and today i was like oh fuck thats due tomorrow. fuck it. submit. i wish the project was in the US bc i think ive decided i dont wanna do a
#uk phd but fuck it lets see what happens. if they want me then ill give minimal effort for the competitive selection process and anticipate
#being cut early. i really didnt wanna do it. bc i just dont think i have the energy for the interviews if i get selected but since i didnt
#want to that means i had to so here we r. i was kinda bitchy in the personal statement too bc they basically asked for everything in the
#research statement so like y tf did u make me write 2 fuck off i spend so much fucking time on that bullshit
#anyway. thats one less thing to worry abt but i did just realize i have like 3 days to completely overhaul my last manuscript
#so uh thats gonna be fucking fun
#sigh... and i try out measurements tomorrow so well see how bad this is gonna hurt :-P
#jesus. i just realized im gonna have to intensely pay attention for like 8hrs tomorrow and then manuscript write into the night
#fuck. and i need to go to the store agh
#unrelated
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