#its out of control and its killing me
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#other ppl: youll be fine! u r passionate abt what u do#no u dont understand. its not passion. im being consumed. im being devoured whole and alive.#its out of control and its killing me#stop trying to tell me im good. i can assure u its a problem and i want it to fucking stop. whats the point of being successful if u cant#even fucking breathe?#this has been my weekend in purgatory for some reason. but fuck u i got the fucking application 98% done so im gonna read it over tomorrow#when my brain doesnt feel like its gonna explode and thrn send it to the dude and idk see wtf he has to say about it bc im positive i#overwrote it bc im unhinged. whatever tomorrow im gonna spend another 4hr transfering algae#if i can. turns out ive given myself a headache and now i cannot sleep lmao#lol i wrote all that yesterday night. it appears i was having a bad time. and i continue to have a bad time bc my manuscript is 98% ready#for submission but i leave at 7.20 tomorrow morning for my flight and wont be home until 7pm in this time zone at the very least#which means ill have to fucking wait all day to submit i guess unless i use plane wifi or something. fucking idk#i also havent sent the application in yet and i havent bought any Christmas presents bc my brain is splitting into a million pieces#its 10 pm now. will is sleep tonight? who's to say i still have work to do on this fucking manuscript#at least my coauthor thinks itll only get sent back with minor revisions so it must look pretty ok#part of it is just me bitching abt inconsistent methods across papers bc it annoys me but also i dont give a fuck#i will fucking psychically control ppl to read this paper and use its knowledge bc the way they talk abt the topic annoys me so much#which is additionally annoying bc like i said i dont give a fuck#anyway im procrastinating#unrelated#my parents texting me today: yay we r excited to see u 🤗#and im just laying on the floor eminating a demonic aura
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Love Laudna wanting Orym to be the one to cut her down if need be because she feels he can make hard choices, and Travis like "uh hello? What about Chetney? You want to put Orym through that anguish? I am right here" like damn, he right tho
#chet is 400+. his relationship with grief is very different from orym who is 6 years into being a widow and being retraumatised each day#chetney is big picture#he doesnt have that same level of responsibility for the others safety and protection that someone like orym has#not to say he doesnt care. he very much does. its just different#for him sometimes caring means putting your dog down when they are suffering#orym would see having to hurt his friends as a personal failing#like how he saw himself dying as a failure#i do find it funny whenever the team is like 'what if i hurt one of you when i lose control? i couldnt live with myself :('#'anyway orym i want you to kill me on purpose'#and orym just like :/ because what is he going to do? say no?#set boundaries and take his own future mental state into account?#nope. if it helps the others then he will commit an unforgivable act and barely be able to live with the guilt after#love that the halfling has been weaponised#this sounds sarcastic. i mean it. its juicy storytelling#the hells need to take chetney into account more. this man is pop pop. he cares in the way a dad friend would#gentle and sweet at times. an empathetic listener#but also willing to smack the shit out of you if you do some fuckshit#he would be so gentle with taking them out#would immortalize them through his woodwork after to remember them#critical role#cr3#orym#chetney#text post#4sd spoilers#my posts#idk if thats a needed tag#sorry for my wall of text tags but i ramble
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i love augustas radiation/flea collar, especially how it matches her eyes!!
thank u!!!! it was either that, or the Cone of Shame lol
#originally she was meant to wear her space suit all the time to prevent the radiation frm leaking out.. the star she swallowed basically#latched itself to her heart so having smth cover her chest/torso would dampen the effect and prevent her from accidentally killing ppl via#radiation poisoning..... but i want to draw her in different outfits so she just needs to be wearing the collar to keep the radiation under#control. like a flea collar lol#but even before that the collar was supposed to turn into her space helmet if u pull the tag. i wonder if i should keep that..?#and yea the collar is meant to match her eyes!!! i wanted something blue/green to stand out against her pink palette as an accent#her original concept had a collar too so its fun to bring it back and see ppl enjoying it ^_^ 13 year old me would be so happy#ill take any excuse to draw my ocs so i was very happy to receive this!!! thank u for the kind words!!!#my oc#oc#augusta#friend oc#anton#hes there in the back lol#my art#myart#doodles#ask
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agh….. there are a lot of little things about kevin’s treatment in tkm especially that really hurt me, but the whole situation with telling wymack is the worst of it. give our boy a break 😭😭😭😭 he’s struggling!
SO MEAN TO HIM i was just talking to luni liaisun about this yesterday but the way kevin is blamed for so many things that are not at all his fault (neil going to evermore out of his own volition, kayleigh hiding that he's wymack's son, neil asking him to lie about his past and not tell the foxes that he's the butcher's son) and subsequently isolated from the group because of that is insane LOL i think kevin and andrew get a pretty similar treatment from the upperclassmen but by the end of tkm andrew has been 'humanized' to them through neil while kevin hasnt yet shown the threshold of humanity needed to be treated like a person worthy of grace and understanding
this is mostly a personal opinion and can be totally disregarded from canon intentions but to me kevin's isolation from the foxes is very relevant to my own experiences of navigating the world while noticeably neurodivergent, and its one of the things that brought me closer to kevin's character in the first place. i think while reading it is easy to agree with how the world at large (and even kevin himself at times) thinks kevin is, but kevin's crime really is that he's weird even among people who are weird; he's annoying and he's overinvested and he's programmed and when you're neurodivergent that's three of the top reasons why people choose to deny you kindness and humanity and understanding. i'm not sure where i was going with this and i'm not the best at articulating my thoughts on this subject, and of course kevin is annoying and intense, but that's not. illegal. you know? a person being annoying to you shouldn't make them an easy target for all of your frustrations and that's, ultimately, a very Autistic Experience
#every day i sit in bed thinking about dan telling andrew if he ever harms another person on the team he's out of it then doing fuck shit#after he choked kevin out in baltimore#killing myself in front of the foxes thus changing the course of their lives forever#asks#kevin#sorry about openingm y heart to you anon i wasnt going to talk about that at all but then it hit me#im sure smarter people have put this into words better than me but#when youre neurodivergent and a little annoying its honestly the floodgates of hell people think they can do and say anything to you#youre inherently less valuable for something you ultimately cannot control
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#w359#wolf 359#doug eiffel#image desc in alt text#pen and ink#comic#i love drawing the hephaestus. her massive and sprawling body with endless corridors#the way that minkowski and eiffel both describe it as so big you could get lost in it#so big it couldnt possibly have been designed for a three human and one ai crew#so big that there has to be more of it than they can access#and its their home. but its also a hostile environment.#and its hera's body too. but it's out of her control#shes the stations ai but she isnt the station its a body shes been put in and its under her control but shes constantly fighting it#you know?#it reminds me a little of that one episode of ds9 where the station which theyve all made their home on. starts trying to kill them#and its all dukat on the computers going ATTENTION BAJORAN WORKERS. ATTENTION BAJORAN WORKERS.#while they desperately try to save the inhabitants and protect themselves#this is their home they live in it they get used to it. they love it. and sometimes. it wants to hurt them. and thats not its fault#its a fascinating relationship to have with a place#anyway forgive my tags i love drawing space stations
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don't kill me for it guys but I largely prefer the concept of izuku being batshit insane and having a problem not letting out all his emotions spill out all over the table to the point that it's detrimental to him to the concept of izuku repressing ~good~ emotions or whatever
#like he's fine honestly#he definitely TRIES to repress at some points. does he succeed? no#like it's kind of a thing that it's bad to the point that it puts him in danger the “repressing” is him doing his best to not get too mad bc#he knows it's going to get him killed lmao#also I've seen a lot of stuff about blackwhip choking Izuku that one time but uhhhhhhh#idk do we remember izuku biting on afo's quikr tendril thing after kacchan gets stabbed? he will just bite on shit if he's angry#like the emotions are very much coming out and its very much a bad thing I fear#idk idk the idea that the control your heart thing is a bad terrible thing forcing izuku to repress his emotions doesn't vibe with me#like. be so for real izuku canonically gets sloppier and meaner when he's angry. do we want that. no#anyways#I just really like izuku being an anger beast who likes to bite on shit that's very funny#mad mha ramblings//#btw guys can we look at the actual master repressor of the manga : OCHAKO BABY PLEASE JUST CRY IT'S OK.
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Listen, I'm sorry to the people who draw Veils in torn/bloody robes because of the whole Vake thing but you're simply wrong. Do you think Veils would Ever go out like that. Do you think it doesn't have fifteen changes of clothes ready immediately, with options depending on the day and occasion, to climb into when it comes back from killing things. Of course it does. Veils is getting home, taking a shower in the Bazaar, putting on a new perfectly clean robe with accent panels and silk trim, and then dabbing 1 (one) tasteful bloodstain on the hem of it with a claw because it's arrogant and it thinks it can get away with it. What is a Veils if it's not serving cunt. Of course it is.
#Fallen London#Mr Veils#BaL spoilers#i do love veils it's awful. i love it as the interpretation of a beast unchained and a wild thing resenting its constraints#and that's the most common interpretation of it i tend to see#but Also it is a politician. so so so clearly. it covers up its crimes with spotless cufflinks and talks the blood away#it's spent hundreds of years swaying who it wants and killing who it wants in kind#the apparent clashing of its domains is funny sometimes but also to me it makes perfect sense#fashion and violence. look elevated enough and anyone will believe you. kill ruthlessly enough and the ones who don't don't matter#it's the perfect cover#it's also why in spite of seeing some relatability in its moments of straining for freedom Hallowrove doesn't regret killing it#if it were just a beast following its instincts out of control that would be one thing#if it were even a consicous thing bringing anything to ruin it could as revenge for being trapped that's another#but it just so clearly enjoys having power over things. and using that power to crush#and the manipulation beforehand#...hm. makes me wonder if the feelings in the early vake dreams were genuine#or if it constructed the rush to lure the player further into hunting it#.... you know what i think it was genuine actually. and i think it still doesn't matter.#sorry for bag a legend rambling on the funny poast i just think about it a lot still#in spite of finishing more than a year ago
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Ok ok so i dont remember how ghosts and tech work exactly but imagine danny using phones as fast travel. Oh jason you didn't answer my text on what you wanted for dinner so im going to reenact The Ring via your phone too bad
#dc x dp#anyways#It came to me in sleep deprived state#dc x dp crossover#What tags do i use here#This is my attempt to interact with fandom more hello <3#Like if ghosts can overshadow pcs and stuff who says they cant use them to travel#Its even more fun if danny has ice/electric core and that's how he finds out :)#Oh electricity killed you? Here are your wild powers that you do not know how to control#Spicy ice i call it. Like carbonated water
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thinking abt what you said with house viewing Benny as a son and I’m obsessed. Like. The man spent most of his life before the war presumably alone, and then after the bombs fell he was alone again, save for AI he himself devised. Then he decides to pull in some Tribes, and one kid shows promise! So sure, treat him well, train him, groom him to be his protege, then next thing you know UH OH he’s got developing paternal feelings towards this guy. Wanting some semblance of a family when the time has long since passed, yet fostering that feeling all the same seems so accurate for him. Benny meanwhile only views him as a boss, and not a particularly good one at that. makes me wonder how House must’ve felt when he found out about Bennys plans
I view it as House blames only himself for this, cause he kind of does in canon (strap in this is a long one).
When reflecting on the issue of Benny, House chastises himself first and foremost for not acting quickly enough when it comes to priming Benny. He describes Benny as being ambitious, ruthless and capable; compliments coming from a man like House. House has an ego and while he is logical enough to understand there was never any evidence Benny saw him as a father-figure, he lacks the humility to admit he let his own views on his relationship with Benny blind him to the activities happening behind the scenes.
I doubt that House was as aware as he makes out about what Benny was doing, he knew early on but certainly not early enough to stop Benny from hacking and obtaining a securitron along with getting the chip in the first place. I take it he was distracted by all the possibilities he was calculating of Vegas' success and growth with him steering and Benny as the new figure head, not because of any normal affection for Benny but the admiration of his capabilities. It's to be noted that House believed menial incentives (likely caps, booze, basic needs, etc..) were enough to keep Benny tame like the other Chairmen but, as evidenced by the Omertas and Mortimer in the WGS, this is not enough when it comes to more driven Vegas citizens. This implies he still undervalued Benny and created a space in which Benny felt the need to rebel.
House in my eyes is not sentimental in the traditional sense. I can imagine his pride was severely scorned as someone he certainly deemed dumber than him was, albeit only for a little, able to out-gambit him. It would definitely hit home seeing how his brother also betrayed him but I feel like that's why he's so apathetic when he tells the Courier to do as they see fit with Benny. I doubt the way he terrorized his brother brought him any emotional satisfaction other than a "Now who's in charge!" ego boost. Putting that same emotional intensity towards Benny isn't worth it because who does it benefit? Wasted time, wasted planning, and most importantly wasted potential are all he gets from continuing to be hands-on with Benny. I say the closest example is not being able to throw out old toys due to the memories attached but knowing it's necessary as they are broken or just taking up space for new ones, and then asking someone else to do it so you don't need to get caught up in the feelings of throwing something you put so much effort into. It's not Benny House cares about in my mind, not in a way that sounds healthy to any non-emotionally constipated individual, but what he could've represented for him, which is why he so quickly offers the same position to the Courier.
As for Benny's view on all of this, it was a long time coming. Benny didn't and doesn't believe House is a completely shitty boss. He admires what he's been shown and admits House knows how to run the strip, but disagrees with the directions. Ideologically, House is an anarcho-capitalist while Benny is just an anarchist. House wants to run the strip to profit, though money is not what he's concerned with being rich with anymore. Benny wants a free state that he wishes to become a place for the people, except for the Chairmen who would be on top (I like to remind people that Benny's motives were selfish but not for personal gain/power as was it for the people he actually saw as family). Benny was never looking for a father but a future. He was not interested in being adopted, or having the chairmen adopted, as bigger names still overshadowed in House's legacy.
Truly, it's easiest to summarize as House feeling strongly and thinking positively enough of Benny to start incorporating him into the future of Vegas (a huge honor actually) while Benny was so disillusioned by House's ego and indifference that he thought the only way Vegas could be the future is with House gone.
#tdlr House saw Benny as the perfect face of his Legacy while Benny saw his legacy as a stagnant mosquito infested pond#its more complex as house certainly would of been irate if he hadn't known and the courier came to kick benny's ass#but more someone being mad youre fucking with their things#i likely thing that even in a more traditional father son relationship House is conditional and would force Benny to confrom more to his#standards as I also believe the Chairmen are more tightly monitered due to bennys unique relation to house and being the first tribe#so itd be smothering and oppressive for someone like Benny even though imposing his beliefs and standards would be how House shows affectio#and fatherly praise which would result in Benny probably wanting to act out even more. like the only way a father son dynamic is healthy an#works is if house would relent some control and show he sees benny as an equal which would never happen cause its house but its still tragi#to me cause house has that longing for something more personal to him than Vegas and tries to fill it with progress cause its rather hard#to create those bonds in the state he is in and benny was the closest thing to that and even that he inadvertently ruined#but on benny house kinda ruined him cause the chairmen for all intents and purposes liked and trusted benny as a leader after bingo who#benny really only killed because of the illusions of grandeur house put into a young impressionable mind and how bingo refused to hear him#not to absolve him of his wrongdoings and being a dick but benny didnt just attack bingo he challenged him and won and in the end while#nostalgic none of the chairmen choose to leave and go back to the old way which says something cause they can leave#this is long and honestly should a seperate post on benny cause i have thoughts on him and how more people need to add his all roads traits#to get a cohesive picture of how hed really act#benny gecko#benny fnv#fallout#fallout new vegas#robert edwin house#mr house fnv#mr house#ask#anon#sorry if this is confusing I have very indepth thoughts on all aspects and possibilites on how unhealthy and power inbalancey anything#with house would be but this is so interesting cause its oddly vulnerable for house of all people to disclose this to the courier
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If I could give three ocs three different iterations of the same name without feeling an ounce of shame, there's no reason I should be fighting myself to name a character what I want 🤨
#greys random updates#tbf p/paulie are the same character (p is short for paulie 👍) but in au land while paul is a completely separate character#but theyre very clearly iterations of one another namewise. and fun fact paulies real name IS in fact paul but he likes p/paulie#depending on the universe :]#no one stopped me so who can really stop me naming a character a greek myth name?? no one thats who 😤#'kill the cringe police in your head' until its me and my silly fixation brain 😔#the name is adonis. just so i can have that control of myself to say it now before i chicken out of this.#im having IDEAS. yay me :]
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"if you fancy Astarion, you might want to consider therapy. He's so damaged I must have him! Enjoy the fantasy and then call a therapist. It's a two step thing and it's very important you do both." - Amelia Tyler what do your narrator eyes see? 😂😂😂
#ohohooooohoo the little random tidbits devs and voice actors have dropped about his companion arc is making me NERVOUS#just throwin out some meta thoughts here#in order for astarion to *get rid of* the tadpole; cazador *has* to die first. like i'll bet my left tit this is conditional#since cazzy is apparently a control freak he might be enemies w the mindflayers/absolute cult bc ''bleh bleh my city''#i think its entirely possible that we could ally w cazador against the absolute; this would like have to result in astarion attacking tav#im just worried it might be like; you have to at least temporarily side w the absolute if you kill cazzy?#idk! idk!#and like i do think there will probably be a 3rd option of like 'i hate both these groups kill them both' but man.#and then there's whatever is going on w his ''this soul is not for sale except in the realm of the undead'' stamp#like are we gonna have to go the there? wherever the fuck that is?#pls amelia i am begging on my knees i need a sign! of hope!#bc now the hug and hand holding in the trailer is making me think larian is trying to trick me into believing he'll be okay#only to hit me with a devastating ending(s) no matter what#idk. man. i read astarion's writer was fanes writer. idk dos2 but like i am aware of what......happened w that 'romance'#pls i need a sign larian#i am so sick of the bioware style romances! the morrigans! the solases ! the unresolved endings of it all! ENOUGH#i want closure from this i am begging#for once in my life i just want closure for a video game romance ending#i JUST THINK LIKE ideally. for me. he'd have at least 1 ending where he's not cured but lives happily ever after*#i am having a hard time picturing him cured of vampirism. tbh. but if it's possible without him immediately dying then. well hats off#its 2 AM here i need to knock it tf off and go to bed#........unless.....yall want to enable me and discuss this further#i am 1 more bad day away from writing a thesis on this in MLA format istg
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it took me 4hrs just to complete weepy’s 9th deduction but i finally unlocked this mf chart 🏌️ i feel like my souls been gutted out goodbye tumblr im quitting idv
#LOOK HE HAS PARENTS#is that a reference to the man who laughs😭😭#most of the chart info isn’t too surprising other than this but I was curious about Margie’s opinion of Mike#I knew he HATEDDD her but we rarely hear from Marmar herself#(apparently it’s ‘fear’)#I get it😭 Mike is an all around happy/friendly guy- being singled out by someone like that would kill me inside too#but I wonder if the fear cld also be because he reminds her of Sergi.. when u think about it#they’re both the darlings of hullabaloo + friendly and charismatic on the surface#sergi taught her that his loveable persona is all a mask#I don’t think Mike’s is a mask (even if it was- he’s nothing like sergi underneath)#but he still holds an obvious disgust for her and specifically her#😭😭#i think its funny whenever I see margie slander in the fanbase their reasons always sync up with things Mike would say#evil witch with her evil tricks planting ideas in joker’s head#like💀 maybe his POV was at the forefront of hullabaloo’s lore for so long he successfully swayed everyone#i think saying she’s NOT a manipulator does her character a disservice though#she was definitely trying to gain something out of joker 🤔 just not to such a malicious degree as Mike thinks#its a recurring theme in her stories to try and manipulate something to save or protect (either herself or a loved one) but it spirals#out of her control#pure intentions disastrous consequences ? etc#anyway#I haven’t thought about Hullabaloo in so long I had to get this out🤧
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God I'm so fucking annoyed how come she gets to treat me however she likes and then gets to say she didn't mean it?????
#have u considered not constantly comparing me to ur abusive husband who hit u??????#since i was like 8 its really fucking weird#like who in their right mind tells their child theyre naturally destructive just like their father and then says ohhhhh but i didnt mean it#are u fucking insane#doesnt help that i look like him too everyone tells me that#and now she acts like me raising my voice once means she needs to walk on eggshells around me wtf#what about how u treated me from ages 13-16#freak#i cant believe this shes treating me like im some scary stranger as if shes not the one with full financial control and that im this horribl#person go kill yourself omgjdjsjsjwjwwhwhhw#fuck u#last year was the worst year of my life and that was wholy bc of u you showed me what place i really have in this family and that it was not#hing. how is sveryrone so ready to throw me away??#yet everyone else gets to say shes sooo proetctive and loving fuck off you wouldnt even tell them youre treating me badly diedie diediediedi#i want to cut so bad bro#but i promised myself i wont so#i mean i dont even have any way of gettibg blades so whatver#just remembered her reaction to me cutting#nothing. yeah absolutely no reaction. i thought the worat thing that could happen was her gettjbg mad at me again but no#i realised there was somwthing worse. she just straight up doesnt care#useless mother#im fine w u treating me like shit ive accepeted it that i have no place in anyone's life unlesss i hive into this but at least#at least stop trying to confront me like this#just let me rot in peace#i really dont want to do this anymore#any time now she'll ask me if i was pretending to cry so i wpuldnt have to go out w her now#as if that isnt insulting#and then she'll say i wasnt trying to be rude!!! as if she hasnt always treated me like none of my feelings r real. i only ever overeact. ok
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i love you lamb cotl i love youuuuu silly goober!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#ouuuuu#imagine this#lamb cotl is right in fronmst of me. im staring at that fuckin thang with enough force 2 kill multiple gods (and did so)#im lfuicng LOOKING at THEMK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1#OUUUUUU#spacie spoinks#man im tired#its only 7:40 tho#i just had dinner liiike#i cant nap until 2 hour later b/c of my Stomach Probmel#continues 2 play cotl for the next few hours#im goin until my battery on the controller gives out or until my brain does
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Warrior cats but everything's the same except they're anthromorphic animals and have guns now
#erin hunter warriors#warriors#warrior cats#sumarmz waffles#OAKHEART SUNNINGROCKS BELONGS TO THUNDERCLA- *is shot by a machine gun*#AAAA ITS SHARPTOOTH RUN- *a group of 6 random cats shoot him instsntly* oh#Mapleleaf you need to leave the clan- NOT ON MY WATCH SUCKA *oakstar or whatever his name was is murdered and mapleleaf is leader yay*#Rusty: Gee im going to go hunt in the woods this will have no consequences at all- *gets headshotted by greypaw*#lionheart: goshdarnit greypaw stop shooting everything you see#Sol: BOW DOWN TO ME CLANS I CONTROL THE SUN- *random apprentice sniper shots him*#these are so fun to think of i love it#*cats are being kidnapped by twolegs* some random clan cat with AK 47: WHATS UP FUCKAS TASTE MY BULLETS#all humans die#police go and investigate#they find dozens of anthromorphic cats#they are killed#the forest is never touched again#they stay in the forest territories#Dogs: PACK PACK KILL KILL#Swiftpaw: DIE FUCKAS *all dogs are killed by s singular 6 month old cat*#swiftpaw becomes a warrior instantly#brightheart keeps her face#Tigerclawstar: I KILLED REDTAIL- *kit who stole their dads gun shoots him*#Scourge: *about to rip out all of Tigerstars organs*#TIgerstar: NOT ON MY WATCH FUCKFACE *scourge is killed by dozens of bullets*
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I think this is how honest hearts went right
#made this in honor of honest hearts discussions on reddit again#mostly daniel#its insane to me how mfs think daniel is right when he#*checks notes*#told the sorrows they were cursed by god to forget English#lies to them and uses them#doesnt think theyre capable of making their own decisions#wants to protect their “innocence” yet tries to erase their religion and culture in favor of his own#believes that they dont have the agency to control themselves when killing in self defense thinking theyll just become another white legs#like???? what is all that if not racism?????#love fallout discussions tho cuz it helps ya weed out the racists >:)#fnv#honest hearts#daniel fnv#joshua graham#my dumb little posts#rant
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