#ok whatever going to sleep for real for realz now

[emulation-0]

in my half-dream i was JUST about to write a function representing mizushi using an integral and woke up last minute from excitement thus erasing all the work. dude.

[reactingwithexo]

Bonnie & Clyde (7) - Baekhyun

Part 1/ 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6

Summary: “Babe I want you to know how much I love you, how much I need you”

genre: mafia/gang au!, angst, fluff sometimes, smut

warnings: filthy smut(!), car sex, fingering, dry humping, just all these stuff, don’t read it if you’re not over 18 ok?

word-count: 3.3K

A/N: This is hapenning for realz, thank you so much for everyone who has been supporting me lately, I’m getting so much love here that I feel I am not worthy of, hope you like it.

He put his hands on his pockets and paced a little bit “I don’t know yet”, he stopped and looked at you “Can I ask you something now?”

“Hm, yes, one question”

“That might be a little bit selfish of me but, would you be willing to go on another adventure with me?”

“What? Baekhyun, you’re being investigated”

“I know”

“What the hell are you planning?”

“Ah” he takes exact three steps in your direction and stops right in front of you, you could feel his breath on your cheek before he said “you didn’t answer my question”

“You need to be honest with me if you want an answer”, you said while he kept his stare on you.

“I’m not asking you to go back there with your brother, I’m not, I promise, I have something else in mind, just us”

You were confused if this was another trap or if he had some honesty within him when it came to you “I am not going to go on another quest with you while you keep passing info to my brother”

“Y/n...” he took a step closer to you yet again “It’s not like that this time” he took your hand in his and gave it a gentle kiss “I don’t think I can do this without you, I understand if you want to move on, or even” he paused and swallowed “help on my arrest, I probably deserve it for fucks sake but, I also thought that maybe if you’d payed attention to everything that hapenned since we met, you’d see that I care about you, for real”

You knew he did try to protect you multiple times, I mean the guy was shot for you more than once, still part of you thought that maybe it could be a scheme, but part of you wanted to give in.

“You know what?” He asks while your forehead touches his after he pulls you even closer, his hand still holding yours, his gaze now directly on you “I give you the choice, if you want to help the police, fine, if you want to disappear and never see me again, that’s fine too, or if you’re willing to give me another chance”

You felt that you were holding your breath and your heart was racing “what is really your plan?” you decided to focus on your fingers tangled to his “just run away?”

“Not exactly” he stared at your hands too and started to swing them left and right slightly “I have some places to go, unfinished bussiness”

You hummed “is it legal?”

He smiled “depends”

You backed away and felt yourself frown “ah baekhyun, are you kidding me? I just told you I don’t want to be involved in stuff like these”

He shook his head “y/n, it’s not about your brother, you didn’t even le-”

“You wanna start your own mafia now is that it?” you exclaimed.

“Hey!” he alerted you to the fact that you had police all around the room before continuing “y/n, you’re so silly sometimes”.

He took two steps in your direction, closing the distance between you two yet again “you need to remember that, if you accept tagging along with me it won’t be entirely legal getting out of here ” his lips aimed to whisper in your ear “but i can’t stop thinking abou-”

There were two subtle knocks on the door and Baekhyun seemed to loose his train of thought, he swiftly whispered “if you choose to be with me, try to meet here at 10 pm, the door will be unlocked” 

It was so fast you couldn’t react to what he said and Baekhyun had already stepped back from you as Namjoon stated your time to talk was over. You just nodded his way and left the room turning around looking back at him to see he stopped his pacing to give you a side smile.

“So when are you avaiable to start the testimony? We need it as soon as possible” Namjoon asked you as soon as you left the room.

“I don’t know yet” You looked down “I thought I could have some time to assimilate all of this”

“I think you had enough time, no? By the looks of it you were taken care of just fine” he said with an unpleasant tone.

You felt anger coming through you as you turned to him  “What the fuck is your problem with me?”

He seemed shocked for a split of a second before his expression turned into a grin as he opened his mouth to answer you “listen to me, I don’t trust you as much as I don’t trust your friend in there”

You were ready to answer him with gritted teeth when Taehyung showed up “hey.. everything alright?”, he looked back and forth between you two.

You just looked at him and realized you had made your decision “Yeah I just.. need to rest, can I stay in the infermary for a little bit? my head hurts”

“Yeah of course”, he promptly helped you to get there and you saw Namjoon from the corner of your eye shaking his  and letting out a huff while you were leaving his sight.

You followed until the infirmary when Taehyung asked you “are you okay? you look a little off”

“I’m fine , just confused”

“Oh , the talk didn’t go well?”

“I guess you could say that, but I think I just need to rest really” You answered with a reassuring smile

“Okay , Imma leave you here” he turned around to leave the room when you asked “Where’s Flora?”

“She’s probably taking care of other things right now, sometimes she goes to other units”

“Oh , so she won’t be here during the whole day?”

“She should be here before 8 pm”

“Hm I see, thanks”

“Why ? Do you have any specifics you wanna talk to her or something?”

“No no, I just didn’t see her here so I wondered”

He didn’t seem to be fully satisfied with your answered but let it slide anyways “Okay, I’m gonna check on you later then and we can talk”

Fuck.

You smiled “yeah sure, see you later”

He nodded and left the room.

Ok so you’re fucked. Flora will be here before 8 pm and Taehyung will probably reappear in a few hours , how the hell would you endure until 10 pm and leave without being noticed?

Furthermore this place is full of cameras didn’t Baekhyun think of that? How would you two get out?

Maybe this was a sign of the gods for you to rethink your decision, or maybe Baekhyun didn’t think this through. Maybe you should just go out and never look back.

“You seem to be worrying too much for someone as young as you are” Flora entered the infirmary with some supplies on her hands and a big smile on her face.

“Hm..I guess you could say that” you tried to laugh it off but she didn’t seem to buy it as she still stared at you

She started to organize some cabinets before asking you quite discretly “I’ve been asked to ask you if you really do have a commitment at 10 pm?”

“What?” your head turned to her immediately. Was it possible she knew? What if everyone already knew and this was a way of the police getting to you?

“If yes, I’m gonna help you out” She continued as you looked at her in shock “There aren’t many people here after 8 pm so I don’t think it will be complicated”

Yes it could be a trap but what were your other options really? “Are you serious? What did I miss”

She laughed and turned to you “Sweetie, I’ve been in the service for a long time, you learn to make friends at both sides to survive in here for as long as I have, believe me”

“I see” 

“But I don’t think this one is that bad, he seems to have good intentions at least”

“How can you know that?” you asked more to yourself.

“Sometimes you just know sweetie” she answered with a smile “So you’re going I suppose -” she laughs a little “how silly am I, of course you are”

“Why are you laughing?”

“Judging by the look on your face and his eagerness for my help, I’d say it is obvious.”

And Flora was right. Of course you’d go with him, you probably would regret everyday if you didn’t, and even more if you helped with arresting him, deep down a part of you believed he was a good person, he was just raised in a bad environment and that’s all he has known.

Flora helped getting taehyung far off telling him you ended up sleeping there after taking medicine for a ‘terrible headache’. It took some work to convince him but she still managed it “experience” she exclaimed proudly when you looked impressed over her abilities.

She handled you a big bag from one of the cabinets and asked you to follow her, instead of following the path you’d been guided earlier, you entered through the back where there was a kitchen and some deposit right after, you realized there weren’t any cameras there, contrary to almost every other room in the building.

You quickly found yourself reentering  where Baekhyun was.

The look on his face when he saw you two enter was something you wish you could have recorded, or maybe it was just something from your head, but you felt this more than usual urge to kiss him right there.

He seemed to have the same thought for a split second but the adrenaline of the moment kept you two while you focused on Flora’s last tips for leaving.

“The exit has many more guards than usual, you must be something kid” she tells Baekhyun before moving on “but there’s a way, I’ll have to distract them because it is the only way out but you have to be really fast, so I hope you’re both ready”

Baekhyun took your hand in his as you followed her once again, you two looked at each other for a quick second before she rushed you two.

You don’t really knew how she managed but with her sympathy she really managed to get all the guards concentrated on whatever she was talking and as she indicated with her hand you and Baekhyun managed to run out of the building.

Maybe you were being stupid but you two just kept running until you couldn’t anymore and as you exchanged glances and he smiled at you, you both started laughing while you gave up on running and took a seat on a bench near by.

“Oh my god Baek..” you gasped while still laughing “I don’t know what I’m doing” you leaned your head on his shoulder and it was his turn to talk while he wore this cute smile.

“Not even I know for sure y/n, but now we’re here right?”

“Yeah..so what’s the first stop? We shouldn’t be sitting here , they’ll come looking for you eventually”

“Yes you’re right, we need to get the car before” he took the bag Flora had given you earlier, opening it and checking some of what was inside. “Great, just like I asked”

Following that , you two rented a car with some fake id baekhyun had and he rushed to start driving as fast as he could before anyone realized he was not where he was supposed to be. He also told you the trip would last 3 days.

“3 days in a car? Oh my god are we moving countries?”

“Aish, of course we’re gonna stop to sleep y/n, you won’t spend the whole day in the car gosh, did you forget how we used to do?”

“We weren’t fugitives that time, I was more relaxed”

“Considering you were running away from your brother , seems like a lie”

“Whatever Baek, just tell me when we get to sleep”

“You’re awkwardly a whiner today, already regretting coming with me?”

You just smiled and answered “We’ll see in the next few hours, maybe if I get too bored i can head back and head you over to the authorities”

“Hmm but you’d be in trouble too for helping me escape in the first place” he placed the hand he wasn’t using to drive on your knee

Silence seemed to take over for a little while and he started to take his hand higher to your thigh, it may have seemed like it was just a non calculated touch but the electricity between you two has been so overwhelming ever since your last kiss that any touch you two encountered from the other already set the sparks high.

“I could just tell them you seduced me to help you” you mumbled “Or maybe even blackmailed me and I didn’t have a choice”

“You know I feel bad when you have to lie because of me” he says with a slight smile on his face “and we’re not that far from where we escaped so there’s a possibility we’ll get caught soon”

His hand caressed your thigh more surely “So maybe I could seduce you so you won’t have to lie about it”, you two traded looks and he pulled over on some residencial street you were passing through so he could focus on you properly.

“Seduce or blackmail me?” You asked and he answered by taking your chin with the fingertips of his other hand guiding your look directly to his eyes “maybe both”

You didn’t loose time going for the long awaited kiss and his lips felt like the most delicious thing you have ever tasted.

The kiss held some of the urge you both kept inside for a while and the promise of something more to come

While one of his hands helped deepen the kiss pulling you closer through the back of your neck, his fingers brushed the place you wanted him to touch you the most and you letted out a small gasp swallowed by the kisses.

You felt annoyed about the restrainement on touching him in reason of the distance between the car seats and decided to stop the kiss so you could straddle him in the driver’s seat.

His hands immediately fell to your sides as you both laughed into the next kiss, when he pushed the seat all the way back to give you both more space, you felt him bellow you and started to grind down on him slightly.

It didn’t take him long to react by urging to take your shirt off, he gathered your hair with one of his hands as he opened space for his mouth to kiss and mark all over your neck until you started to release moans with the stimulation of grinding.

“I need you so bad” he whispered between kisses as you had heightened the speed of your movements.

He furthered his mouth to your collarbone and then stopped to admire your breasts, you took advantage of the moment and took off your bra, his look expressed hunger and defeat.

You decided to tease him a little bit when he was about to touch your breats, you slapped his hand away and touched them yourself, gaze never leaving his as you dry humped him.

 His chest was rising and falling quickly as he didn’t let you look away either “So you just want to use me to get off?”

“It would be a fine punishement for everything you’d done” you said while bringing your body closer to his again.

“You really want me not to move a finger anymore?” he reached to tease your almost exposed core through your underwear, you unconsciently bucked into his touch and he smirked at you “that’s what I thought”

He didn’t seem to give up on getting reactions from you this time as he teased your clit in small circles, he only seemed to be satisfied when you gave in and let out small whimpers, he kept one finger close to your clit while he used his middle finger to enter you. He murmured in your ear “You’re so wet for me baby”.

“Baekhyun...I need more” you moaned while he kept a steady pace, you heard him let out a little laugh as he added another finger into you.

“Ah Baek this isn’t eno-” you were cut by your own moan when he motioned the tip of his fingers in his direction inside you.” You have to stop complaining all the time and be a good girl for me”.

Baekhyun kept doing the same movement with his two fingers while the other now rubbed circles on your clit, you felt yourself tightening around his fingers “Should I let you come already?” he asked while speeding up his actions.

While you felt that part of you was reaching your high, you didn’t wanna come just yet. “No no” you shook your head.

“No?” He asked you with an amusing glint in his eyes.”Why? Tell me where you wanna come baby”

“I wanna ride you” you whined.

“You wanna ride my cock baby?” 

“Yes, I want it so bad Baek” He seemed to have had enough teasing you and  stopped his motions before kissing you hungrily “I’ve been waiting to do this with you for such a long time” he said after your lips separated from each other.

You had unbuttoned his shirt while you were kissing and now it was your turn to kiss his skin “Ay now you’re gonna tease me?” he asked.

“Just let me kiss you a little bit” you told him as he lowered his pants, you motioned your hand up and down his length and savored in the gasps and noises he let out, you took the condom he got from his pants and put it on him yourself.

After you felt sufficient with exploring his body, he helped you lowering yourself on his dick, the sensation felt as a relief for both of you and the sexual tension it has been building up since the last time you got to do this.

“Ah fuck” he said in the middle of a grunt when you started moving around him. “You feel so good”

You started speeding up, the orgasm that had been taken aback from you by Baekhyun, was begining to build up again and you began to exclaim non sense in the middle of both of your gasps and moans.

He helped you guiding your movements at first but as you seemed to be reaching closer to your peak he started thrusting up into you and that’s when you had to close your eyes to just focus on the sensation. He pulled you closer and whispered “come for me baby, i’ve got you”

His thrusts felt deeper from this angle and it didn’t take long for you to get to where you were in the verge of orgasming, in a moment of intense pleasure you gathered energy to bounce on him and he helped you reaching for your hips.

“That’s it baby, don’t stop” 

Indeed you didn’t as you felt your awaited high, you shook around his body with endless moans of his name slipping out of you.

Feeling you tighten and shake around him couldn’t have taken him closer to his high and soon enough he came as you were almost done savoring your own orgasm. 

You both seemed to just look at each other for a while when you’d both came down from your own respective peaks and slowly a smile creeped onto his face and you followed incousciously.

“We could have gotten arrested and it would all have been in vain”

“Worth it don’t you think?” You both laughed as you observed the situation you’ve put yourselves in.

He caressed your cheek with the side of his hand “I really do love you, you know?”

A/N: Ooof, I did it, hope you still like the series and don’t hate me too much for taking so long, as you all know I’m back for real and don’t plan on going anywhere. Any feedback is accepted, also I was so embarrased I didn’t proof read it so I’m sorry if there are many errors.

[saleintothe90s]

384. “Mad About You” series finale (5/24/1999)

(source)

So, I remember watching the series finale of Mad About You that night, but I haven’t watched it again since it originally aired. I do remember feeling let down at the end however. This is what I remember from 20 years ago, maybe I’ll remember some forgotten details once I re watch it...which I will after I make this list: 

- Janeane Garofolo was Paul & Jamie’s daughter Mabel all grown up and she had come out with a documentary about her life? Her dad’s life? The film was everything after 1999?

-Paul & Jamie bought the apartment across from them and merged it into theirs? Which didn’t make any sense. Everybody had to walk through P&J’s bedroom to get to the expansion?

-Paul & Jamie were pregnant again with twins but she lost the babies? I just remember the scene where Paul rushes into the apartment with a double stroller excited that he found one. He sees the message light on the answering machine and it’s Jamie. I was trying to figure out if this was early on when Mabel was still a one year old, and one seat in the stroller was for her, or Jamie was pregnant with twins. 

-Paul’s dad died real early on in the episode. 

-Paul and Jamie wonder who should give her the birds and the bees talk when Mabel is a teenager, but turns out they waited too long. When Paul sits down with her to discuss it, she interrupts him and says that she’s already had sex, or she was already on the pill. Paul decides to take Mabel out for bagels every Saturday morning so he can remain closer to her. I just remember them eating bagels and sitting on a stoop. 

- Paul and Jamie separate for realz this time. Remember when they temporarily separated but then got back together and Jamie got pregnant with Mabel?  

[That episode is titled “The Finale”, please don’t confuse it for this one like I almost did. In case you’re wondering about my bitmoji dressed like a snail, our power went on and off the entire time I was writing this. I went ahead and used that save video me website so I could watch the clips offline.] 

- Jamie had become really cold at that point in her life and Paul had it. 

-The last scene was everybody watching Mabel’s documentary in a movie theater and P&J were a little embarrassed. Paul (almost crying) asks Jamie if she would like to go out for pie.

-Clearly they hadn’t shot enough because the last five minutes were “home movies” of the two and Mabel in central park. The montage seemed to last for-ever. 

-Before I re-watch, I also wanted to mention that I hate the theme song! 

I found the episode on DailyMotion, and the username of the uploader is “Magic School Bus” ... ms. frizzle is that you?  It also appears that Ms. Frizzle recorded this episode from syndication, so there might be a tiny scene or two missing. 

(part 1, part 2)

(Apparently it’s on the internet archive too, but it took forever to get the vid to play on my iPad. It has commercials though!) https://archive.org/details/MelrosePlaceHomeImprovementFinales1999 

So, Mabel’s film was titled “The reason why I am this way”. Maybe a grad school project?. Janeane looks grad school age here. 

The film starts with Paul & Jamie’s anniversary when Mabel was 1 in 1999. I was right!

A bird pooped on Paul! Nah, it was just Lyle Lovett the construction worker spilling paint. He married Jamie n Paul 7 years ago, but turns out he’s NOT an ordained minster, so they’re not officially married.  This is so dumb. Such a trope, right? 

Jamie is freaking out that they’re not really husband and wife. Paul is the rational one here, he says just go to city hall next week! Jamie is all “no, we gotta do it today, its our anniversary!”  So they go, there’s a chapel at city hall, there’s a lady named Phyllis there as a witness and who throws rice (25¢ a throw!)  

Stupidly, however, Jamie runs away. I do remember this freeze frame from the episode.

There’s lots of jumping around through time while all this is going on, I forgot about that, I just thought it was a straight up timeline.

We jump to 2005 where P&J are in therapy for the thousandth time, also when Paul goes in for a vasectomy. At first, I didn’t realize that Jamie was talking to her sister, Lisa in the waiting room since she had short hair. Jamie tries to explain to her that Mabel doesn’t need a sister, but Lisa guilt trips her. Jamie tells Paul that she thinks they made a mistake. They Michael Scott-eded it:

It’s 2011 and P&J are trying to give 11 year old Mabel the sex talk.

In 2004 Murray (remember, the dog? Yeah, the dog got forgotten somewhere in the series) got a girlfriend and they had puppies!  There is the best scene ever where Paul teaches Mabel how to shoot video and Nat the dog walker (played by Helen Hunt’s then husband, Hank Azaria) does a play talk show with the puppies. IT’S TOO CUTE, I put it on instagram. I forgot that Hank was on the show. I still remember how heartbroken I was though when Hank and Helen broke up, though.

There’s a real quick scene in the sports shop that Paul’s family owns (which I forgot about in the series). Jeff Garlin (who I like to call “Daddy Goldberg” since I love him on The Goldbergs) is teasing Paul for all his vasectomies. blah blah. You know what I noticed? That old Sketchers shoebox! Those ugly chunky metallic shoes they made in ’95 ’96 used to come in those boxes.  aw. ugliest shoes I ever had, they were most def. Airwalk Jim knockoffs. ANYWAY.

Mabel’s first film “Stabbing Bob” comes out in late 2021 when she’s 23. The whole family is there, including Cyndi Lauper who married Paul’s brother  cousin Ira. The whole family tries to get Paul and Jamie to sit together, so obviously something went DOWN between 2011 and 2021. This is when the syndicated version cuts off.

Part 2 begins again with Mabel’s documentary and her asking “Who do you think was responsible for my parents breakup? The one who ran away from the altar and changed her mind three times about whether or not her partner should have painful private surgery … or the other guy?” So when this film was made, Jamie and Paul were still broken up? Mabel is really tearing Jamie up a new one here. Jamie is the devil.

Back to 2005 and Jamie is pregnant, because Paul didn’t get that vasectomy. This is where everything is back on track with my memories of the episode. Except for those ugly ass pajamas. wow. Jamie is only supposed to be 42 here, the pajamas and glasses made her look 60.

2012, Mabel is 14 and she never did get that sex talk…perfect tribute to Whitney though, considering she had recently died.

Oh, no here comes the stroller scene in 2006. Paul is so happy, he says, “I found it! Last one in the city, and I found it! One big seat one little seat! 2 kids, one carriage! One big happy family. ” Uh, Mabel is 9.  The “one big seat, one little seat!”  makes me wonder if the writers forgot what year it was? Why would there be a big seat and a little seat?” Twins are the same size.  Those stroller seats look the same size. Paul finds a note left by Jamie, so it wasn’t an answering machine message.

In early 2021 we see Jamie’s bff Fran, FINALLY. I was wondering where Fran was! She was married to Richard Kind and he left her so he could ride motorcycles like “Easy Rider”, (remember when Fran kept calling the movie “The Easy Rider” and it drove Richard crazy, he was like, “the name of the movie is EASY RIDER, NOT ‘THE EASY RIDER!”). Riffs is somehow still open, martini glasses are taller, forks have clear spiral handles, and Fran be looking like something that walked off the Enterprise.  

Oh, and Paul left Jamie. Jamie now is wearing reading glasses around her neck. Oh, honey noo, you’re only 58.  Here is Helen Hunt in 2018:

Paul said that Jamie is unkind and that was why he was leaving.  

Aw, there’s my fozzie bear!

Costume and Makeup got Paul Reiser exactly right though!

After that, Paul & Jamie had to be straight with Mabel at all times. Ok, whatever:

 So I was also wrong about Paul’s died dying when Mabel was little.

On the way to the funeral, Paul’s mom encourages the two to pay a bribe so they can buy the apartment across the hall. She says, “Then Mabel can have a room.” …. Mabel didn’t have a room? She was 13 in the Murray’s not real scene. Where did she sleep?!  Now I remember thinking way back then that the episode left a lot of plot holes open, this being one!

I remember feeling kind of turned off by this elevator scene with the sad music after the funeral. I didn’t know the phrase back then, but now I know that it feels so forced. We get it. Paul’s mom is alone.

Casting didn’t do a good job with teenage Mabel, she’s supposed to be 18 in 2015 and it’s still the girl who played her when she was 12. w2g. I didn’t make a screen grab but I was right about Mabel having to cross her parents bedroom, and bathroom to get to her room. I was also right about the bagels! 

It’s back to the scene in late 2021 where everybody is watching the end of Mabel’s movie, “Stabbing Bob”.  I guess she was trying to be a lil Tarintino. Why did I think they were watching the documentary? Ha, at the end, Paul’s sister asks the family if they want to go out for pie. Yesss, the pie scene!

I did remember this from the pilot episode where Jamie kisses Paul on their first date when he turns to her. Jamie asks “buy me some pie?”, not Paul! I swore for 20 years I heard Paul Reiser tearfully saying, “I would like some pie” in my head!

Oh, one plot point that did get patched up was that Paul & Jamie asked the guy from city hall to come over and marry them in their apartment six seconds to midnight.

RIP, Murray the dog.

UGH, I was right about the long montage of the end that is just pretend home movies of the cast. It’s nearly four minutes long, and its set to country music. It’s hell.  I remember actually leaving the room during this part 20 years ago instead of just you know, muting the TV. It completely ruins the quietness of the episode. It’s total filler.

The ending credits are on Youtube, it’s adult Mabel giving a rundown of what happened to who.

Related:

More from the series finale series: https://saleintothe90s.tumblr.com/search/Series%20finale%20series

/edit/

I was curious and went hunting around in google groups (which houses newsgroup archives) to see what people said about it online right after it aired: 

Someone wondered too about where on earth Mabel slept until they expanded the apartment: 

>2)  Where did Mabel sleep before they got the second apartment and >turned it into a room? Shared with mommy and daddy?? Or maybe that little space before the bedroom.  Did they convert the appartments into one or move to the other side? I was a bit confused about that.

>>I wish I had watched Ally (but that's just my

>opinion).<<

Trust me, if you've watched the show at all this season, you've seen this episode.  Ally is depressed about no man, elaine whips out the video camera, the biscuit bobs his head to Barry White, does a gymnastic dismount from the toilet stall, stutters like Porky Pig, and all of the same fucking things he does every single fucking episode.  I really liked this show at first, but I'm about to give up on it because the same shit happens week after week after week.  If David Kelley cannot think of anything new to do with this show, he should hire a writing team, because it it going nowhere fast!

Brian

To know that Paul and Jamie's genes resulted in that shrewish frump Janeane Garofalo was one thing.  But to be "previewed" twenty years of their misery resulting in Mabel's therapy for bad parenting was pretty unbearable.

Crap.  Not quite as crap as the Rosanne finale, but more crap than the last

Seinfeld episode. I knew they were in trouble in the very first scene where

they set up the premise for the episode. Lyle Lovett tells them that he

wasn't really an ordained minister when he performed their wedding ceremony

and that he was drunk when he said he was. (now there's an original plot)

One problem: Lyle isn't the one who told them he was a minister and everyone

was sober at the time.

Then they have Jannene Garofolo as their grown up daughter, recounting everything thing that went wrong in their marriage, another lame plot device.

There're also a few little slips, like Paul buying a double baby carriage in 2005, when their daughter would be 8 or so.

But, to get to the root of why the episode (and the last two seasons for that matter) failed: The whole permise of the show was that these two likable, but occasionally goofy or even stupid, people were so much in love that they would always be together no matter what. Corny, naive, romantic, but also endearing. It made for a nice, comforting 4 seasons or so, but after a while the formula gets old. So they started making the characters a lot less likeable. Paul Reiser turned into Homer Simpson and Helen Hunt became a neurotic version of Lucy Ricardo, until I had no idea why these two people were staying together.

They got back to the original idea of the series in the last ten minutes, but it was too little, too late. In the previous 50 minutes, their whole marriage went to hell. Not only didn't those two people belong together, they didn't even seem to care about each other. They did something similar a few years back (marriage goes wrong, they still love each other and stay together) but it was convincing and they didn't do the gimmicky jumping back and forth over 25 years thing. That was the perfect moment to end the series.

I agree. I watched with the series finale of MAY with the morbid fascination that I would have while watching a car wreck.  I didn’t *want* to do it, but I was drawn to it.  And what a car wreck it was.

The plot of the finale should have insulted every thinking person.  Did anyone accept the premise that two sophisticated New Yorkers could believe they were legally married without having a marriage license and certificate?  For those of you who have never been married, you absolutely need such documentation for your bank accounts, health insurance, social security, credit cards, mortgages etc.   The retroactive vitiation of the Buchman’s marriage is akin to the Bobby’s dream sequence on Dallas a few years ago.

Jaime’s jilting of Paul at the “altar” was vapid.  Tim Conway’s gag in being both the marriage clerk and the justice of the peace was predictable, and as predictably stupid as Conway’s similar gags on the now ancient Carol Burnett show.  The pronunciation of “Buchman” to explain why Paul and Jaime had the same last name may have been amusing to a ten year old, but I doubt it was funny to anyone more mature.  A justice of the peace would not play the wedding march with a dime store cassette recorder while demanding that a prospective bride walk down the courtroom “aisle.”  Couldn’t they have done something interesting with the marriage witness instead of using a stock character such as the disinterested, magazine-reading rice-thrower?  From a legal standpoint, Paul and Jaime’s marriage at midnight was as ineffective as “first” marriage because there was no witness (contrary to the dialogue, a baby simply cannot be a legal witness to a marriage).  Why would a justice of the peace make a house call to perform a civil marriage?

The whole vasectomy gag was asinine.  Have either HH or PR been in a hosptial?  Did they do *any* research before they wrote this gag?  Its pretty safe to conclude that a surgical nurse would *not* lead a post- operative vasectomy patient through a waiting room while he was wearing nothing but a robe.  Moreover, given Paul’s obvious pain from the first vasectomy, don’t you think that Jaime would have known that Paul did not go through with the second one?  Wouldn’t Jaime have asked Paul if he went through with the vasectomy before she purchased and used a pregnancy test kit?  Jaime’s miscarriage was telegraphed from the beginning of the vasectomy gag.

The makeup aging of the characters was amateurish at best.  The sex talk difficulty with Mabel has been done by every sitcom since Leave It To Beaver, and most have done it better.  What was the point of the puppy urination scene?

The breakup and reconciliation was sentimental tripe.  In the real world, people that fight as much as Paul and Jaime do not get divorced and then, with one magic kiss, make everything OK.

Was it necessary to introduce a new character in the finale to narrate the Buchmans’ life story? (As an aside, I hated the casting of Janeane Garofolo (sp?).  She looked like complete crap.  Can’t that woman ever look presentable?  Someone should have given her a mirror and a comb before they began filming the episode.  She is a second rate Roseanne knock off, and, judging from last night’s appearance, she is now attempting to catch Roseanne in the weight department as well.)

The closing montage attempted to simulate a home movie circa 1960s such as that used in the Wonder Years.  But why would Paul and Jaime, a 1990s couple, have used such a medium for their home movies?  Also, even assuming the choice of medium was justified, why did they wave in quick, jerky movements at the movie camera?  Has anyone done that since the 1960s?

In the end analysis, the MAY finale was incredibly lame.  I got home in time to catch the end of the Melrose Place finale, and, IMO, even that show -- as bad as it is -- has more entertainment value than MAY.  At least they don’t take themselves seriously.  I am delighted that MAY is now over.  I hope that the poor ratings associated with the show will cause some retooling at NBC, especially in its high profile slots.

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[sergeant-angels-trashcan]

Sailor Pluto: "I'm going to go be human for a while, see how they live." \ Pluto: [meets aliens on Earth] \ Pluto: Wait what. \ Noh-Varr, who somehow ended up talking to her at a bar, both assuming the other is a Real Human and trying not to act too weird: Hey, do you like close harmony girl groups? I've got some great vinyls at home if you want to hear some. \ Pluto, confused: Sure? \ Pluto, watching Noh dance half-naked to retro music: This was a mistake. \ Pluto: A REALLY HOT mistake.

lmao ok so i saw this right before I went to bed and thought about it while I couldn’t sleep and went “well, I never do anything but super niche things anyway so why not”

because like. first of all, correct, I truly believe Sailor Pluto (especially before she actually comes to Earth for realz) has the same level of human behavior comprehension as Noh (which is to say, if they actually put effort into it, a lot, but who wants to put effort into it?), but i think she’s way more likely to wind up accidentally dating Sif and/or Valkyrie

BUT upon further consideration I decided that the Senshi would super love Noh. Think about it: he’s super strong, hard to freak out, and eats anything. The girls can work on their cooking skills at all the terrible food experiments will not go to waste because he will still eat them. 

I’m seeing Noh meeting them post-canon, so while they’re in college or out of it, but I could also see Usagi running into him as a high schooler and just yelling “NOH PLEASE EAT MY TEST I GOT A 45 ON IT”

“SURE THING KID.”

but anyway.

I actually…think…that in suggesting this AU, how dare you, that I’ve found the PERFECT girlfriend for Noh! 

And I wish I could say “oh it’s Rei or Mako” but like. Noh really goes for the fighty girls and it doesn’t work out well for him, does it? And he and Usagi are the bro-est of bros

So like. Power couple Noh and Ami.

One of Ami’s defining traits is her compassion and understanding, and there haven’t been a lot of people like that in Noh’s life. Someone patient enough to sit down and say “okay, that was a terrible decision. Why did you make that choice?” I think Ami would really get the “he is literally an alien so he doesn’t get some of this stuff” and the Senshi have dealt with aliens who don’t get Human Stuff before so it’s not like this is a conversation Ami’s never had before.

She’s outside the Marvel Universe, so she doesn’t think of him as “that guy who betrayed us” or “the guy who set fire to New York” but she’s a Sailor Scout, a superhero in her own right, so she’s not going to get freaked out by his superhero stuff. Probably just really curious. (He introduces her to Dr. Strange so she can talk about balancing a medical career and a superhero one only to find that Strange truly has no advice for her, and also his fridge is full of snakes, but she also meets Loki, who talks to her about magic/science overlap and then takes her out dress shopping and maybe to case a bank for a robbery??? Ami is still not sure)

I don’t see Ami as being super interested in sex (I don’t think she’s opposed to the idea of it, it’s just not a priority for her) which I feel like…is maybe a relief for Noh? He has to worry less about mind control saliva (”Noh could I do a cheek swab? For…science.”) and let’s be honest Noh has had a lot of people doing horrible experimenty things to his body so  it might be nice for him to have a relationship that was primarily mental and emotional than physical, at least to start with. (They are super cuddly, though. All the time cuddles.)

And having a doctor or medical student in the Young Avengers extended family is really useful because Ami just sighs and goes “Hawkeye-chan, why are you covered in shark bites.” (and before someone comes to me like “I don’t think she’d use -chan in this situation”, you are probably right but when you’re bandaging up someone’s 26 sharkbites because they won’t go to a hospital after invasion of landsharks and you’re too polite to call them an idiot, what else is she gonna call Kate? This is the third time this has happened, and Ami has no frame of reference for this)

Noh has a spaceship that he and Ami tear apart and improve tech stuff on. AMI LOVES COMPUTERS. Noh is smart, even if he doesn’t always act that way, so he can keep up with Ami, mentally, which is really nice. He can also keep up with the Sailor Scouts if they need an extra hand. He’s diffused at least two conflicts by invoking Dreamgirls? They’re all still really confused about how that worked.

….also you will be hard pressed to convince me that Noh doesn’t play music while Magical Girl Transformations are happening. From an old skool boombox, for the Aesthetic.

Noh: Did you guys need someone killed? i can do that.Ami: we try not to kill people, Noh.Noh: but sometimes. you gotta.

Not to mention–Ami is a calming influence, and hanging out with Rei and doing Spiritual Exercises with her has helped him control his anger so when he gets mad it’s more controllable? And it manifests more it being really protective of Ami (not when she’s a Scout. She’s fine as a Scout. Noh and Tuxedo Mask are the Sailor Scouts traveling cheering section) but at parties or mixers or whatever when Ami is Really Polite and doesn’t call people on interrupting her and Noh will just go “EXCUSE ME, AMI WAS SPEAKING IT’S VERY RUDE TO INTERRUPT.” followed by. the most terrifying glare. 

Noh is a Supportive Boyfriend. (he’s been working on it). He’s trying to be more attuned to Human Things so he reminds Ami when she needs to sleep or eat or that studies show a thirty minute break of dancing to motown for every two hours of studying improves information retention. Ami never had impromptu dance parties before Noh and now she has them all the time. And…they do help her maintain focus.

Noh went through her entire apartment building during finals and threatened bodily harm to anyone who disturbed the peace and at least three little old ladies laughed at him and gave him food to take back to Ami. He’s losing his edge.

idk man I just feel like they’d help one another grow as people–Noh in becoming more aware of how his actions affect others and thinking before he makes terrible choices and getting better at asking for help, and Ami in being a little more impulsive and self-indulgent. Neither of them do a complete 180 or anything but just…a bit more balance.

Ami, I think, really and truly does see people for the good and bad in them, but focuses on the good, and again...I think someone who believes that Noh is fundamentally good and not a screwup--or that his screw-ups don’t define him--would be a game changer. Ami very, very secretly thinks about Noh’s white hair and his spaceship and his flying boots and thinks her boyfriend is kinda an angel, and even though she never says that, Noh can sense it, you know? He knows Ami believes in him. She holds him to a high standard, and by god, he wants to exceed it.

Also? Noh helping Ami study, using her legs as a pillow while she plays with his hair

[welllpthisishappening]

Tripping Over the Blue Line (23/45)

It’s a transition. That’s what Emma’s calling it. She’s transitioning from one team to another, from one coast to another and she’s definitely not worried. Nope. She’s fine. Really. She’s promised Mary Margaret ten times already. So she got fired. Whatever. She’s fine, ready to settle into life with the New York Rangers. She’s got a job to do. And she doesn’t care about Killian Jones, captain of the New York Rangers. At all.

He’s done. One more season and he’s a free agent and he’s out. It’s win or nothing for Killian. He’s going to win a Stanley Cup and then he’s going to stop being the face of the franchise and he’s going to go play for some other garbage team where his name won’t be used as puns in New York Post headlines. That’s the plan. And Emma Swan, director of New York Rangers community relations isn’t going to change that. At all.

They are both horrible liars.

Rating: Mature Content Warnings: Swearing, eventual hockey-type violence AN: This is one of my absolute favorite chapters in this entire story. For realz. I’m so psyched for you guys to read it and then all get vaguely disgusting teeth from the sheer amount of fluff in this chapter. As always, I am so overwhelmed by the response to this and how fantastic you guys are. Also @laurnorder is the real MVP this week for texting me Yankees update even while she’s rooting for the Astros. ALSO! @beautiful-swan made some gorgeous art for this chapter, so heap praise upon her internet and now @distant-rose can publicly flail over Emma’s Christmas gift.  Also hanging out on Ao3, FF.net & tag’ed up on Tumblr 

He’d never seen so much wrapping paper in his entire life.

Four-year-old twins, it seemed, were the perfect age to finally understand Christmas and presents and, if they were the children of Elsa and Liam Jones, enjoyed the wrapping paper most of all. There were pieces everywhere – stuck in their hair and in the tree and, likely, every single corner of the house. Mrs. Vankald, Killian was convinced, would probably find wrapping paper taped along baseboards for the next six months.

They’d both already been changed into their yet-to-be-released t-shirts, nearly tackling Emma when Elsa suggested they thank her and if Killian’s heart didn’t actually grow three sizes in that very moment, he wasn’t sure what it could have been doing.

Maybe just exploding.

Merry Christmas.

He walked into the kitchen – intent on getting more coffee and making sure one of the twins hadn’t actually stuck any wrapping paper to the back of his shirt – to find Liam leaning against the counter, staring at him over the edge of his own mug.

“El know you’re drinking coffee?” Killian asked, reaching around him to grab the industrial-sized pot Mrs. Vankald always brought out whenever they were all back in the brownstone. “Isn’t that against the rules or something?”

Liam made a face, but he didn’t put the mug down – the steam from the tea he was probably drinking in accordance with the rules rising from the top of it. “It’s a solidarity thing,” he said. “You know, limited amounts of caffeine during pregnancy and all that.”

“I wouldn’t know that, actually, but thank you for the lesson.”

“You could,” Liam said cryptically, hopping onto the edge of the counter.

Killian rolled his eyes, taking a drink of his coffee and pointedly ignoring whatever Liam was trying to talk about. “You’re going to get yelled at.”

"I'm a man in my thirties with nearly three children, I hardly think I’m going to get yelled at for barely sitting on the edge of the counter.”

He’d always been convinced Mrs. Vankald had some sort of sixth-sense when it came to things like that and Killian laughed loudly when she walked into the kitchen, gasping when she saw Liam on the marble.

"William Jones,” she cried, alost dropping the pillow she hadn’t stopped holding since she’d nearly burst into tears unwrapping it. She was holding the card too – Killian and Emma’s name on the same line as if she were documenting it for posterity. “Get off my counter, young man!”

“Young man,” Killian muttered, widening his eyes. “That’s awfully generous, Mrs. V.”

She shook her head as Liam slid back onto the floor, eyes cast down at his socks and this was all a little too on the nose. It felt like high school. He’d never brought a girl home when he was in high school.

He’d brought Emma home. He loved Emma. They wrote both their names on the card.

“Well, young to me at least,” Mrs. Vankald amended and Killian’s sides nearly hurt he was laughing so hard, barely keeping a grip on the mug in his hand.

“Mrs. V, take away his stocking,” Liam whined. “He doesn’t deserve the candy in there. Coal instead.”

Mrs. Vankald shook her head fondly, taking a step in between them and her hand lingered on Killian’s cheek when she smiled at him. “You absolutely deserve it, Killian,” she said intently and he got the distinct impression they weren’t talking about candy or stockings or the orange he knew was in the toe of the ancient piece of felt.

"Thanks, Mrs. V,” he muttered, running his hand through his hair.

She tapped her thumb against his jaw and she had that knowing look on her face – the same one she’d used when they redecorated the house and he got them to buy twenty pillows for his room in the upstairs corner.

“It’s a good pillow, huh?” Liam added, nodding towards the hand-stitched gift pinned in between Mrs. Vankald’s elbow and hip.

She nodded and they absolutely weren’t talking about the pillow. This was absurd. “It is,” she agreed, eyes not leaving Killian’s.

"Mom,” Anna shouted from the other room and Killian didn’t care what the reasoning was for it, just happy that there was some sort of distraction so they could get out of this world of pillow metaphors and overbearing older brothers.

"Don’t let William sneak any coffee,” Mrs. Vankald said before kissing Killian’s cheek quickly and walking back out into the living room.

Killian took another drink, doing his best to avoid Liam’s gaze as he moved to put the creamer back in the fridge. “Banana can’t just leave that sitting out,” he mumbled. “It’ll go bad.”

“It was out for all of five minutes,” Liam argued. “I think we’re all safe from spoiled creamer. Stand down, Captain.”

He rolled his eyes, throat tightening just a bit when Liam called him that and he knew that was why he’d done it. It was an emotional precursor or something.

“Go ahead,” Killian sighed, hooking his foot around one of the stools in front of him. He put the mug down on the table, crossing his arms and waited.

"What are you talking about?”

"Liam.”

He smiled, nodding once as he grabbed the chair opposite Killian and sank onto the edge, sitting up a bit straighter than he would have if this were some sort of normal conversation. Killian hadn’t gotten enough sleep for this.

He was glad he hadn’t gotten enough sleep for this.

"You tell her you’re absolutely, madly in love with her yet?” Liam asked.

Killian nearly knocked the coffee onto the floor, elbow sliding off the edge of the kitchen island and the marble that matched the counters. He hissed in the air through his teeth and he’d absolutely scraped the side of his arm. “Jeez,” he muttered. “Jumped right in there didn’t we?”

"Seemed stupid to beat around the bush. Elsa doesn’t think you have.”

"El doesn’t know everything.”

Liam’s mouth dropped open and, well, turnabout was fair play or something. “When?”

"What is going on right now?” Killian asked. “Did Banana put you up to this? Between you and El, it’s like invasion of the overstepping body snatchers. You guys have never been like this ever. Not even when…”

Killian cut himself off, jaw snapping shut almost painfully and the look of pity in Liam’s eyes was worse than just about anything. “It’s different though,” he said and there was that word again. This family needed to work on its vocabulary. “Isn’t it?”

"Yeah,” Killian answered. “It is.”

"Good.”

"Good?” “Well you’ve never brought anyone home before. And you two gave Mr. and Mrs. V a present together.” Liam widened his eyes meaningfully and Killian just rolled his, shaking his head slightly and tugging on his hair. “And,” he added. “You’ve been playing better. “ “What does that have to do with anything?” “Maybe better’s the wrong word. Different.” “Find another word, Liam.” He sighed, tapping against the top of the island. “Ok, not different. Just easier. I mean I honestly have never seen you skate as fast as you have in the last couple of weeks. And that doesn’t even make sense. You’re old, you should be regressing.” “If that was supposed to be a compliment it was woefully lacking.” Liam scoffed, but he was smiling and Killian leaned back, a bit more at ease with the conversation than he had been a few moments before. Everything was easier when the conversation involved hockey. He needed to get out more. Or maybe find a hobby. Or kiss his girlfriend some more. Probably the last one. Definitely the last one. “I’m just saying,” Liam continued. “I’ve heard you’re fronting for the Hart at this point. What are you, three points away from cracking top-five?” Killian nodded, pressing his tongue against the inside of his cheek. He hadn’t really thought about that much either in the last few weeks – certainly not once since Emma had shown up in his apartment lobby and agreed to come home for Christmas. A few months ago that had been all he’d cared about, winning the Cup and getting into the top-five and maybe leaving some sort of on-ice legacy in this stupid city before his inevitable decline in Colorado. Now he didn’t just want to win, he wanted...everything. He needed to come up with another word too. “It’s only December,” Killian argued. “That’s way too early to be worrying about Hart stuff. I’m just worried about the next game.” “Did Lucas tell you to say that?” “No.” Liam let out a low whistle and took an incredibly exaggerated drink of tea, leveling Killian with that same, infuriating stare. “You know I was worried about this,” he said, once again failing to actually make much sense in the middle of the kitchen. “You’re going to have to be more specific.” “When Scarlet and Locksley called me during the preseason and told me there was this thing happening with you and how you weren’t skating because you couldn’t get your head on straight. I was worried. It’s an FA season and you guys were supposed to win last year and you didn’t and I just figured it was some sort of cry for help or something.” “You really need to work on your compliments,” Killian muttered and Liam laughed again, shaking slightly on the stool. “Yeah, probably. What I’m trying to say is, I’m not as worried anymore. And maybe you can talk to me about some stuff sometime.” Killian lifted his eyebrows. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” “You are a terrible liar. Does Emma know that? She should probably know that if you’re going to keep doing this disgusting over-the-top in love thing.” “You and El are going to have another kid, I don’t see where you get off on over-the-top in love.” “Ah, but Mrs. V didn’t give us consecutive jersey numbers did she?” “Jeez,” Killian groaned, but he couldn’t come up with any other argument. Liam looked triumphant, taking a final drink of team and all but slamming down the empty mug on the kitchen island. “You know,” he said slowly, “Gina called me the other day.” “Oh my God,” Killian sighed, closing his eyes lightly as he rolled his head back between his shoulders. He should really come up with a list of all the things he needed to do. Expand his vocabulary. Fire his goddamn agent. Kiss his girlfriend some more. And probably move the last one up to the top of the list. “At least you can be confident in the fact you’ve got my wife keeping secrets from me now, on more than one occasion mind you,” Liam laughed. “Did it ever occur to you that maybe El is just easier to talk to?” The question seemed to hang in the air in front of them, words lingering in between the stools on the side of the kitchen island and the coffee tasted a little bit more bitter than it had just a few seconds before. “Sorry,” Killian mumbled, staring at his feet and he’d never bothered to actually put socks on when they’d been dragged out of bed. “It did,” Liam answered, brushing over Killian’s apology with a an actual wave of his hand. “And it’s been like that for awhile, hasn’t it?” Killian shrugged, absolutely certain he was not mentally prepared for this conversation in the middle of the brownstone kitchen. He hadn’t had nearly enough sleep for this type of conversation. Liam, however, seemed determined. “It wasn’t your fault, Killian,” he said for what was certainly the thousandth time. “I never thought that.” “You didn’t have to, it was just the truth.” “Emma doesn’t think so.” Killian’s head snapped up at that and Ariel was going to kill him – there was no way he hadn’t strained something at this point. “How could you possibly know that?” “Aside from the fact that she came to Christmas with you and Mr. and Mrs. V’s card had both of your names and actually volunteered to be the five-seed so she could take you on in the semis this afternoon?” Killian shrugged and Liam just shook his head, disbelief written into every corner of his face. “She and Elsa talked yesterday and Elsa is one-hundred percent convinced that not only is she one-hundred percent in love with you, but she mentioned that GD kid you two have apparently adopted. Said she thinks you’re his hero.” “What does that have to do with anything?” Killian asked. “Because she didn’t disagree when Elsa said it was different. She knows it is. And she’s only been here for a few months.” “Sounds a bit sentimental,” he argued, ignoring whatever was happening in the middle of his chest. “Even for you.” “Eh, well, it is Christmas after all. And you brought a girl home.” “Emma. I brought Emma home.” Liam grinned at him, nodding once. “You really going to coach a charity game?” “You really going to play in a charity game? Can you even do that?” “You mean can I actually get on the ice?” Killian nodded again and Liam shrugged. “I don’t see why not. I skate with the twins.” “You’re still going to have to play.” “I can do that.” Killian kept his tongue pressed against the inside of his cheek, that boulder of guilt that had taken up residence in the very center of his being for the last few years, moving slightly or maybe shrinking just a bit. He tried to take a deep breath and came up decidedly short. “Why?” he asked. “Why what?” “Why would you do that? Volunteer to play in a charity game when you’ve probably got hockey playoffs to worry about in March.” Liam pressed his lips together, shoulders straightening as he stood back up and moved to grab another tea bag off the counter behind him. “Because you’ve felt guilty long enough,” he said. “And because you brought Emma home for Christmas and I can’t remember the last time you looked so…” “What?” “Happy.” He wasn’t wrong. He was almost painfully on point, but it was still early and Killian had gotten approximately three hours of sleep and he’d just noticed a piece of wrapping paper taped to the inside of his left knee. And he’d spent so much time focused on that boulder-sized guilt, that Killian had never really considered a world where it didn’t exist or didn’t have to exist – something else that was both bigger and lighter taking its place. “Did you tell her?” Liam asked again. Killian nodded. “Only after she told me.” “Good.” He took a deep breath and glanced towards the doorway to the living room, making sure Mrs. Vankald wasn’t anywhere in range when he jumped back up onto the edge of the counter. “If you try to come to the Avs, I will actually kill you.” “Gina shouldn’t have told you that.” “She was worried. And she obviously couldn’t tell Locksley. He’d probably lose the ability to skate at even the suggestion of you leaving. At least you know Elsa’s good at keeping secrets, though.” “I’m surprised she didn’t tell you honestly.” “I’d be more frustrated by that if you weren’t so disgustingly and obviously in love. What’d you get her for Christmas?” Killian shook his head – making a face at the lukewarm coffee. “Nuh uh,” he said, swinging open the refrigerator door to grab the creamer again. “That one is a secret.” “What is?” Emma asked, smile on her face as Killian nearly tripped over his own feet trying to walk back towards the coffee. “Oh, is there more coffee?” He nodded slowly, muttering a quick shut up to Liam when he moved next to her, hand falling on her back like there was a magnet there. “You alright?” she asked. “He’s always been better on ice,” Liam explained, drawing a quiet laugh out of Emma who absolutely leaned against his hand as she filled up the mug she was holding. “Although getting him to control that speed has always been a definite work in progress.” “Ah, but he’s been doing pretty well this season. Two breakaways and that one shortie.” “I’m literally standing right here,” Killian said and Emma’s smile widened when she glanced over her shoulder. “These are compliments, you can’t possibly be arguing compliments.” “Trust me, love, Liam isn’t complimenting my game. He’s just got absolutely no tact at all.” Liam grumbled something that was decidedly un-Christmas, kicking his foot against the side of Killian’s leg. Emma turned on him, tugging on the front of his t-shirt in a way that helped ease some of the weight of that boulder in his stomach. “What was this surprise, then?” Emma asked. Liam clicked his tongue again and smiled knowingly at both of them. “Nothing, Swan.” “You’re a terrible liar.” “You know that’s not the first time he’s heard that today,” Liam laughed. Killian sighed, but Emma had found her way against his side, head falling against his shoulder as his hand just managed to move with her. Liam quirked one eyebrow, eyeing both of them over the top of the mug. “William,” Mrs. Vankald yelled as she walked by the kitchen, a stack of the fancy plates in her hands. “If you don’t get off that counter, I’m going to take away your stocking.” Liam moved off the counter, mumbling under his breath as he marched back into the living room and there was a piece of wrapping paper sticking out of the back pocket of his pajama pants. Emma laughed and Killian wasn’t worried about his points total or rumors about the Hart or even how he’d managed to destroy his brother’s entire career before it even really got a chance to begin. The only thing he cared about was the feel of her next to him and the smile on her face and how much he didn’t want her to leave. “I love you,” Emma whispered, muttering the words in his ear. It was different this season.

“I still can’t believe this is how the bracket shaped up.” Killian shook his head, arm wrapped around Emma’s shoulders, and Elsa rolled her eyes, shooting an apologetic glance their direction. “You lost last year, Liam,” she said for what must have been the fifth time that day. “That’s all there is to it. You can’t be a one-seed if you’re not the reigning champ. Those are just the rules.” “Yeah, well,” Liam argued, bending over to plug in the vaguely ancient machine. “That’s just stupid.” “A banner argument if I’ve ever heard one,” Killian muttered.

Emma laughed softly next to him, eyes just a bit wider than normal when they walked into the brownstone basement and he probably should have mentioned the room or Mr. Vankald’s tendency to to hang up every article that had ever mentioned either one of the Jones brothers on the walls.

There were a lot of stories and a lot of pictures and two pieces of the championship net hung up in matching frames and Emma’s eyes scanned over all of it, mouth opened slightly like she couldn’t quite believe what was in front of her.

“It’s a lot,” he mumbled, lifting his arm slightly. She tugged her hand up quickly, fingers wrapping around him and the smile on her face nearly made him fall over again. He saw Liam glance at Elsa and she made a face, lips drawn down and eyebrows lifted up and Killian resisted the urge to roll his eyes into the back of his head.

“It is,” Emma agreed, but her hand was still wrapped around his wrist, thumb tracing over that one particularly nasty scar. She didn’t move away though, just kept smiling at him and it felt like something a bit bigger than two words. “Liam,” she added, glancing at his brother, still crouched in the corner of the room with an air hockey table cord in his hand. “If you keep staring like that, your face is going to freeze that way.”

Elsa laughed loudly and Anna let out a noise that was somewhere close to a cackle, doubling over with her arms wrapped around her waist. Liam just grinned in response, that same knowing look from the kitchen still on his face as he stood up and brushed his hands on his jeans.

He nodded once and Emma was still smiling, head tilted slightly in unspoken challenge. “You better beat Killian in the semis,” he said, tossing the puck onto the table. “Otherwise Christmas is just pointless this year.”

“Jeez, Liam,” Anna sighed. She leaned against the edge of the table, holding her hands just above the air holes that seemed to make more noise every year. “That’s kind of dramatic isn’t it? Also I resent the implication that I’m just going to lose by default.” “Let’s be honest with ourselves Anna,” Liam reasoned, tugging on the back of her shirt to try and get her to move. It didn’t work. “Just because you don’t care about winning does not mean that the rest of us don’t.”

“Over-competitive weirdo. Emma, tell me you’re not going to be ridiculously competitive like the rest of them?” “Hey,” Elsa shouted, flipping her hair off her shoulders. “I’m not that competitive!” Anna lifted her eyebrows, sitting on the table at this point and ignoring Liam’s loud cries of indignation that it was an antique. “You are, El. You know you are. It’s fine. I kind of enjoy being the only one in this family who’s actually normal. That is, of course, unless Emma is going to be normal about an air hockey tournament because that’s all this is.” Killian glanced at Emma, nerves settling in the pit of his stomach and the back of his throat as soon as Anna had used the word family. Emma didn’t notice – or if she did, she didn’t say anything – just shrugged when she met Anna’s questioning gaze. “I’m a little competitive,” she admitted. “And by a little I mean, I’m totally going to destroy you in this opening round.”

Anna groaned loudly, falling back across the top of the table with a loud thump that drew cries from the entire room. “Banana, if you break that, Liam’s going to have a heart attack,” Killian said, arm finally moving off Emma’s shoulders to tug his sister off the top of an air hockey table that was probably older than all of them combined.

She made a face, but let him pull her up, pulling on the front of his t-shirt for good measure. “You all are far too into this for your own good.”

Mrs. Vankald walked down the stairs, a tray balanced precariously in her hands as the twins followed behind with a questionable amount of holiday-themed candy and cookies piled into bowls. “Was it right to let the four-year-olds bring the food down here?” Killian asked, reaching forward to grab both bowls out of their hands before it all ended up on the floor.

“They’re plastic,” she said, resting the tray on the table Mr. Vankald had absolutely put together earlier that week. “And they wanted to help.” “Yuh huh.” “Try and argue with those faces while they’re wearing Rangers t-shirts. It’s impossible.”

Killian glanced at the two of them, Charlie already slung over Liam’s shoulder as he laughed loudly and Jacob cried about his turn. “It is almost painfully adorable,” he admitted.

“See,” Mrs. Vankald smiled, glancing at the bracket. “Anyway, how can you horsemen be expected to spend an entire afternoon competing against each other if you don’t have proper sustenance?” “I don’t know that I’d classify peanut butter cookies as proper sustenance, Mrs. V.” “Ah, well, don’t tell Victor. And don’t eat too many. Can’t have you dragging when you’re on the ice. Liam told me there are mutterings about the Hart.” Killian rolled his eyes, but Mrs. Vankald kept smiling at him like the goddamn cat who he’d eaten no less than twenty particularly delicious canaries. “It’s December,” he argued. “Plenty of time to screw things up.” “Killian.” He sighed softly. “Old habits,” he muttered and Mrs. Vankald nodded sympathetically. “I’m more concerned about the team than the Hart.” “Doesn’t surprise me in the least. Particularly when you’ve got such important teammates.” “You’re not even trying anymore, Mrs. V. That wasn’t even close to being a cliché. That was just a heavy-handed reference.”

“I’m an old lady, give me a break.” Killian scoffed, smile on his face and Mrs. Vankald laughed laughed loudly when he bent down to kiss her cheek. “Anyway, there’s a time and a place for clichés and I’m not entirely sure this is that place.” “No?” “No,” she repeated. “Seems a bit more important than that.”

“Heavy handed.” Mrs. Vankald moved her eyebrows and blinked quickly – a brush-off move that was almost too similar to Anna and Elsa. “Honest,” she said softly, hand on his cheek again and for half a moment he felt like he was eight years old.

That was, however, until he heard Emma’s footsteps behind him, head snapping around to find her staring at him expectantly. “Liam’s getting very impatient,” she said. “He claims you should be forced to forfeit by default because you’re throwing off the entire schedule.” “Ass,” Killian muttered, earning a very pointed glare from Mrs. Vankald. He was absolutely eight years old. “Shouldn’t Mr. V and El be up anyway? They were the first ones on the bracket.” “Oh, yeah, they’re absolutely going now, but apparently there are rules.” “He’s just trying to make sure he’s got a clear road to the finals. You know I think he’s intimidated by me!”

Killian shouted the second part, pushing up on his toes for added emphasis and Liam threw his head back, laughing in response. “That’s not true at all, little brother. I am completely confident in my ability to beat whoever I face. I just think you should be playing by the rules!” Mrs. Vankald shook her head, smiling at Emma as if she were apologizing for the over-competitive tendencies of the Jones-Vankald children. “Younger,” Killian said before he could stop himself. “Younger. Brother.” “You know I think he’s got kind of a point,” Emma said and Killian snapped his head around quickly, narrowing his eyes slightly when he noticed she was smiling. “I’m just saying, you don’t even seem remotely worried about the possibility of who you’ll have to face in the semis.” “What exactly is it you’re suggesting, Swan?” Emma glanced at Mrs. Vankald, smile widening when she nodded slightly. “I’m totally coming for your title.” He felt his mouth fall open and he couldn’t quite make out what Mrs. Vankald said next to him, only vaguely aware of how bright Emma’s eyes were. He couldn’t really think straight when she was wearing team-branded. That felt a bit like cheating.

“KJ,” Anna shouted, not even bothering to look over her shoulder as she moved Elsa’s name into the next round. “Unless you’re dead set on getting bumped out of this thing and spending the day eating peanut butter cookies with mom, then you should probably come over here because Emma and I are up.”

“I haven’t even had a single peanut butter cookie,” he countered, grabbing two from the bowl. Anna turned at that, eyebrows shooting up her forehead as she took her spot at the far end of the air hockey table. “And El won already?” “I’m very impressive, KJ,” Elsa said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the word, before sinking into the couch pressed against the wall.

“Yeah and Mr. V couldn’t bring himself to beat you. The same thing happens every year.”

“Whatever. Bring me a cookie.” “Demanding.” “Oh, yeah,” Anna added, nodding quickly. “C’mon KJ, bring, like the whole bowl.” “Animals,” he muttered, reaching behind him anyway and they’d both planned on that. He was an enormous pushover.

And he was absolutely trying to impress Emma.

Elsa and Anna knew that too.

“Come on,” Liam whined, rolling his head between his shoulders. “Let’s go. Quarterfinal matchup between Anna and Emma.” “I think Liam might need a cookie too,” Emma said softly, lacing her fingers through Killian’s left hand as they walked backed towards the table.

It took less than five minutes for Emma to, as promised, totally destroy Anna in the opening round. She didn’t give up a point, hand moving quickly and confidently across the ancient air hockey table and she kept using the sides to bank off shots in a way that made Killian certain she’d be dominant against the boards on actual ice.

Even Liam looked impressed.

“Well, that was dumb,” Anna said when the light on the side of the table went off again and Emma was declared the winner. “What did you do last night, come down here and practice?”

Emma shook her head quickly, but her cheeks had gone slightly red and Killian noticed Elsa’s eyes widened a fraction of an inch. “No, no,” Emma said. “But one of the houses I grew up in had a table like this and there was no TV so there wasn’t much else to do except get ridiculously good at air hockey.”

“One of?” “Foster kid,” Emma explained, pointing to herself. Elsa’s eyes looked like they were going to fall out of her head.

Anna nodded slowly as she moved Emma’s name ahead on the bracket, but her eyes kept darting to Killian and back to Emma and then, for good measure, over to Elsa, who appeared as if she were on the verge of some sort of emotional outburst.

“Eat another cookie, Banana,” Killian said, sliding the bowl along the edge of the table. He ignored Liam’s cries about, somehow, damaging the thing – it was made of plastic, there was no way to scratch it with other plastic – and she didn’t argue. He appreciated that.

“Alright,” Liam said sharply, earning four pairs of rolled eyes. “Next up.” “That’s you, Liam,” Killian pointed out.

“Right. You ready Elsa?” She sighed, tilting her head to the side of the couch and for the first time all afternoon Liam didn’t appear quite as competitive. “Are you?” “Was that trash talk?” “That was about as trash as my talk is going to get, so yeah, it was.”

Liam laughed softly, holding his hand out to help her off the couch. “That was good. I’m super intimidated. Now, come on, prep yourself to lose again.” “The epitome of romance,” Anna laughed, falling back across the seat Elsa had just gotten out of. She shot Killian a meaningful look and they shouldn’t have stayed this long. They should have absolutely gone back to his apartment. This was almost too much family.

Emma, however, didn’t seem to mind – smile still on her face and she kept resting her head on his shoulder and maybe this could work.

Maybe those old habits could just be….old.

Liam won. Elsa was not pleased about it, a fact she mentioned several times while Anna moved Liam’s name into the championship round of the tournament. She crossed her arms tightly over her chest and the twins had lost all interest at this point – already back upstairs with Mrs. Vankald and probably hopped up on a questionable amount of sugar – but Elsa looked like she was disciplining them both.

Except she wasn’t.

She was yelling at Liam. Because he’d beat her in the semifinals of an annual air hockey tournament.

“I won fair and square,” he said and that appeared to be the only response he had. Anna was hysterical. That didn’t seem to be helping the situation.

“Your arm was halfway across center ice,” Elsa shot back. “You won on a faulty goal. I want to challenge.” “There’s no replay, El,” Killian said, trying to intervene before she actually started throwing cookies at Liam. It was a fine line to walk. He probably would have been pretty entertained by that.

“Well, that’s stupid.” “Don’t you have a ref?” Emma asked. “You should probably have a ref.” “Mom won’t do it anymore,” Anna said, not even bothering to actually sit up. “She said we all got too aggressive or something.” “Apocalypse children,” she muttered in Killian’s ear and he bit his lip tightly so he wouldn’t do something stupid like start making out with his girlfriend while Elsa and Liam continued to argue about faulty goals.

“Fine, fine,” Elsa said finally, waving her hands through the air. “Emma you better absolutely destroy KJ and then you can beat Liam in the finals. Otherwise I’m protesting this entire tournament on principle.” Emma made a face. “No pressure or anything.” “C’mon Swan,” Killian said, nudging her shoulder to walk towards the other side of the table. “Let’s see if you can back up the talk.” “I think I proved that already.” “Nah, that’s just Banana. That hardly even counts as a win. Now you’ve got some real competition, let’s see what you’re made of.” “That ego.” “Wreck him Emma,” Elsa said, squeezing her arm tightly as Liam turned the machine back on.

He’d argue that it wasn’t really fair – Emma had an entire cheering squad behind her, Elsa and Anna not even bothering to sit back down during their semifinal matchup, a two-person pep team that, at one point, was actually so loud Mrs. Vankald came back downstairs to see what all the racket was about.

And Liam didn’t really want him to win either because Liam didn’t want to lose another year in a row and Killian should have known going in he didn’t really stand a chance.

He scored the first two goals of the game, but that was probably all part of her plan, lulling him into a false sense of security or something, before she turned the metaphorical table on the literal table, firing off five goals in a row.

She moved her wrist so quickly Killian barely even noticed when she shot again, puck bouncing off the side of the table and around his outstretched hand like it wasn’t even there.

He’d tried – he wasn’t about to let Emma win, he was the goddamn captain of the New York Rangers, he had some pride, but she’d won anyway and made it look easy. There was probably a message in there or a cliché or some sort of heavy-handed romantic explanation, but Killian didn’t care.

He just smiled when Emma threw her hands up, the exclamation she let out at her championship berth settling into every single one of his pores until he was almost positive nothing else would ever sound quite as good. Anna threw her hands around Emma and she stiffened for half a moment before moving her own arms and Elsa was actually jumping up and down, brushing off Liam completely when he said something about overexerting herself.

“She’s so much better than you, KJ,” Anna said after she’d pulled herself away from Emma. He just shrugged.

“Told you,” Emma muttered, walking around the table and for half a moment he forgot they were in the brownstone, forgot about the quasi-siblings and overprotective older brother and a half-eaten bowl of Christmas cookies. He forgot about all of it as soon as he felt Emma kiss him, quick and light and just long enough to earn a groan out of Liam.

Killian didn’t care.

“Look who’s got the entire Vankald-Jones family under their very talented thumb, love,” he said, keeping his forehead against hers, close enough that he could barely see her smile when she looked back up at him.

He kissed her that time.

“Five minutes,” Liam said, sounding every bit the leader Scarlet and Locksley still referred to him as. “Then we’re going to championship.” “I don’t think that’s a verb,” Emma pointed out, twisting around to look at Liam. Her hands didn’t leave Killian’s shirt and Elsa still looked like she was about to cry.

“I’m making it one.” “I mean I live with a teacher, so I’m just saying…” “Five minutes,” he repeated and Emma nodded like it was the most serious thing in the world.

She beat Liam too.

She won the entire goddamn tournament and she looked a bit stunned when even Liam had to admit that she was the best player they’d ever had in the competition.

It wasn’t even as close as the semi against Killian had been – Emma scored the first goal, Liam answered and then she seemed to refocus, firing off three goals in three straight shots and the entire basement was stunned silent.

“It’s a Christmas miracle,” Elsa said. “And maybe it’ll get him to shut up about how he was cheated out of a win for the last four years. See, it’s not just KJ. You’re just not that good at air hockey, Liam.” “Whoa, El, that’s kind of rough,” Killian laughed and his arm had found its way back around Emma easily, something that felt a bit like pride in his chest. It was an air hockey tournament – nothing more than another Jones-Vankald tradition that was somewhere bordering between sentimental and just ridiculous, but as with most things Emma Swan, she’d surprised him again. She’d found a way into all of it with ease, winning the entire, stupid thing and cementing herself in the middle of everything.

And probably the middle of his entire life.

He should tell Regina not to talk to Colorado. And then win the Stanley Cup so the Rangers would want to sign him again.

“I should probably have mentioned I’m also pretty competitive,” Emma said, laughing at the scandalized expression on Liam’s face. “I’m not real big on the whole idea of losing.”

“You’ll fit in just fine here then,” Anna promised. Killian waited for Emma to shift against him, for those nerves to flare back up and the walls to come back even just a little, but they didn’t. She just laughed again and nodded, grabbing the last cookie out of the bowl they’d left precariously on the edge of the table.

They’d eaten a whole bowl of cookies.

They stayed for dinner and Mrs. Vankald brought out a different set of fancy plates Killian wasn’t even aware they owned. She was trying to impress Emma too and he’d probably have to thank her at some point.

And Emma complimented the absolutely disgusting bread pudding, glancing his direction when he moved his hand over her knee. She grimaced slightly when she took her third bite of the disgusting mess masquerading as some sort of dessert, but she smiled when Elsa asked, again, if she liked it, nodding enthusiastically enough to almost make it look like she was being honest.

The twins fell asleep early – a day spent crumpling up wrapping paper was, after all, exhausting – and there was more eggnog and A Muppet Christmas Carol on the TV, Emma’s head resting lightly on his shoulder. Her eyelashes kept fluttering, blinking quickly to try and stay awake as she burrowed against his side, gripping the front of his t-shirt tightly.

Elsa didn’t even make it to the Ghost of Christmas Present, breathing evening out almost as soon as Mrs. Vankald dimmed the living room lights. Liam kept moving his fingers over her arm, keeping up the rhythm to the song the muppets were singing while Anna tiptoed out of the room as soon as her phone went off.

“Gross,” Killian muttered when she stood up, moving his eyebrows meaningfully as Kristoff’s face flashed across her phone screen.

“You brought a girl home, KJ,” she said and she really had done her best to make it sound like an insult. It fell a bit short with muppets singing in the background and Emma’s legs curled up underneath her, knees hitting against the side of his thigh.

He hummed in agreement and Emma shifted slightly, blinking up blearily when she lifted her head to look at him.

And Killian Jones, captain of the goddamn New York Rangers, apparent front-runner for the Hart Trophy, couldn’t quite breathe.

“I totally wasn’t asleep,” she said.

“Of course not, love.” “Just resting my eyes. You’re comfortable or something.” “Sure.” She glanced at the TV, grumbling slightly when she realized she’d slept through the entire present arc and Ebenezer Scrooge was staring down his own mortality. “I might have fallen asleep for a little while,” Emma admitted.

“Well to be fair, El fell asleep before the movie was even on, so you won that particular competition too.”

Emma laughed softly, rolling her shoulders as she sat back up and brushed her hair off her forehead. “That’s something, I guess.”

“You don’t have to move, Swan.” “If I keep sitting that way I’m going to have to schedule twice-a-week appointments with Ariel so she can fix my spine.” “You guys mind shutting up?” Liam asked, not looking away from the TV. “We're all watching this and realizing life’s worth living or something.” “Or something,” Killian muttered, bending slightly to kiss the top of Emma’s head. She shifted again, slinging her legs across his. “He’s never once cared about this movie as much as he has in this moment.” “Shh,” Emma chastised, fingers finding their way into the bottom of his hair. “You’re going to wake Elsa up.” “Too late,” Elsa said, voice scratchy as Liam groaned when she used him as a human springboard to sit back up. “Oh, I missed everything.”

Killian laughed. “Snored through the whole thing too.”

“No, I did not!” “Freight train, El.” “Shut up, KJ. Liam, I wasn’t was, I?” “Of course not,” Liam promised, widening his eyes meaningfully at Killian. Emma’s eyes were closed again, hand back against his side and the other arm splayed across his stomach.

“Don’t fall asleep on me again, Swan,” Killian said, not quite able to keep his hand from trailing through her hair. He was far too aware of Liam and Elsa’s eyes on him, that knowing look they both kept shooting his direction for the past thirty-six hours likely plastered on their faces again. “Come on, love, I’ve got to call a car and then we can go home.” She nodded, cheek brushing against the front of his t-shirt and he only realized he’d used that word when he saw the look on Elsa’s face, all wide-eyed and mouth hanging open when they walked by the couch.

Mrs. Vankald pressed a tupperware container filled to the brim with cookies in Emma’s hands – ”She’s not going to let you leave empty-handed, Swan, just take them.” – and Anna hugged her again, thanking her for absolutely destroying Liam’s weird air hockey ego as Elsa did her best to keep the twins from tackling both of them in the foyer of the brownstone.

“I expect a rematch next year,” Liam said, holding his hand out to Emma. She took it without question, not even blinking at the assumption that they’d simply be spending next Christmas there as well.

“I’ll probably beat you then too,” Emma countered and even Liam looked a bit impressed.

“I look forward to it.”

Elsa moved forward – and Killian tried not to cringe at the fact that they’d somehow wound up in an actual line to say goodbye to them – smile on her face and hands on Emma’s arms before she pulled her into another hug as well.

“I’m so glad you were here,” she said and there was no way to doubt she met every single letter. “Even if you might have actually ruined Liam’s Christmas.” “I’m glad I was here too,” Emma promised. Killian didn’t think he missed the way she tightened her arms slightly. “It was so nice to meet you.”

“We’ll see you guys at the B’s game on Friday,” Elsa said. “Or, well, at least after. You’ll probably be kind of busy during the game.” Emma nodded and Killian wasn’t sure if he’d ever actually stop smiling at this point. “And,” Elsa continued, “Don’t let KJ make you pretend to like the bread pudding next Christmas either. I’m a big girl, I can take it.” He stopped smiling. “El, are you kidding me?” he asked, half shouting the question in the middle of the foyer as Emma pulled on her jacket.

“Of course I’m serious. You can lie about it. In fact you’re required to because I know everything about you and I can blackmail you into that if I want, but don’t make your girlfriend do it too. That’s just patronizing.” “Oh my God.” “There. That’s my Christmas gift to you.” “You’re on a whole other level.” “Always.” He rolled his eyes, but Elsa was already hugging him and he could still hear Emma’s quiet laughter behind him. “It’s a good thing, KJ,” she added, whispering the words in his ear. She wasn’t talking about bread pudding.

Killian nodded as she pressed her forehead into the crook of his neck, squeezing once more for good measure. A car honked outside the door. “Let’s go home, Swan,” he said, repeating that word again just to see if it would get a reaction.

It did.

Emma smiled at him and nodded, hand finding his as they walked out the door.

“Not really all that into decorating when you’re not being forced to string garland, huh?” Emma asked, voice still tinged with sleep from the car ride back uptown. Her eyes scanned the apartment and its distinct lack of decorations and Killian shrugged, not quite sure he could come up with an answer that wasn’t somewhere in the realm of slightly to moderately depressing.

“Ivy, Swan,” he said instead, meeting her lifted eyebrows with his own. She twisted her lips up and she very clearly didn’t believe him. And that might have been why he hadn’t really asked if she wanted to go back to Mary Margaret’s loft twenty blocks further uptown.

It had been a vaguely overwhelming few days, but she’d won the air hockey tournament and she didn’t flinch when he used the word home – twice.

So he brought her home.

Again.

He flicked on the light next to Emma’s head – she was still leaning against the back of the door, hair fanned out over her shoulders and her eyes weren’t even entirely open, blinking a bit slower than normal. She groaned loudly when he tapped on her shoulder, leaning forward with a huff to rest the top of her head on his chest and he twisted the deadlock behind her.

“What’s the difference?” she asked.

“Between?” “Ivy and garland.” Killian barked out a laugh, hand finding its way around her waist as he tugged her farther into the apartment. Emma toed out of her boots and slid her arms out of her jacket, moving towards his room without even asking.

“Mr. V would be scandalized to even hear you suggest that there isn’t a world of difference between ivy and garland.” “There were a lot of double negatives in that sentence. I’m too tired for that.” “I thought you didn’t fall asleep in the car.” “I didn’t say that I had,” she said, glancing over her shoulder and stumbling over her feet slightly. She huffed again, pushing her hair behind her ears, and she didn’t look at him again until she’d walked into the room and, promptly, collapsed onto his bed, knocking four different pillows onto the ground as well.

Killian paused for a moment and it was a bit….something. Overwhelming wasn’t the right word anymore. He wanted her there, in between the pillows and the blankets with sleep clouding her eyes and hair everywhere and she’d already tugged up the comforter, wrapping it around her legs as she twisted onto her sides.

It wasn’t overwhelming or even really all that surprising. She’d gone to the brownstone for Christmas after all. It was something else and if he were the kind of person who actually stayed in college for four years, he probably would have been able to come up with a word for it.

“Were you just going to stand there?” Emma asked, shaking him out of his thoughts. “Or were you actually going to tell me the difference between garland and ivy?” He laughed softly, twisting back into the hallway quickly to flip off the light and appreciating Emma’s quiet hum of impressed. “Fancy apartment,” he muttered, stepping into the room and sinking onto the corner of the bed. “And ivy is alive. Or it was, at some point. Garland is just glorified plastic.” Emma eyed him incredulously, pushing up on her forearms. “Glorified plastic,” she repeated slowly, enunciating the words until she couldn’t quite mask her laughter. And then she looked as if she’d laugh for the rest of time, falling back on the pillows as her whole body shook with it, eyes closed and mouth open and blanket still wrapped around her legs.

“Alright, alright,” Killian muttered. “And I don’t know where you’re getting off with your lack-of-decoration opinions. It’s not as if there was some sort of tree monstrosity in your apartment either.” “That’s because it’s not my apartment. Reese’s and David hung lights, you just obviously weren’t very observant.” “There wasn’t a tree.” “Tree monstrosity.” “Either or.” “They’re going to be in Maine all week, there was no point.” “And you probably wouldn’t water it,” Killian added, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye. She hit him with a pillow.

“See, now, that’s just rude. Killian laughed, leaning on his side and propping his head up on his right hand. Emma was still on her back, eyes staring a hole into his ceiling, but she was still smiling and she’d grabbed another pillow, holding it tightly in her hands.

“You know,” he said slowly, blinking once when Emma turned towards him. She brought the pillow with him. “We could do something about that.” “Your lack of faith in my ability to water a Christmas tree consistently? And where would they even buy a real tree? This is New York.” “Have you even been outside in the last two months, Swan? There are real, live trees on every corner. December up here is like living in the middle of Central Park.” “And yet you don’t have a tree.” He pursed his lips, trying to come up with some sort of plausible excuse as to why he didn’t have a tree – and he all he had was the decidedly depressing reason that he just hadn’t really seen the point if there was no one else there anyway.

“Alright,” Killian said suddenly, practically leaping back off the bed. Emma’s eyes widened. “You want a tree? Let’s get a tree.” “What?” Emma asked, tugging the blanket up around her shoulders. She lowered her eyebrows, tugging her lips behind her teeth and she was absolutely staring at him like he had just lost his mind. He might have.

“Let’s go get a tree.” “It’s ten o’clock on Christmas.” He shrugged, undeterred. They were going to get a goddamn tree and they were going to put it in the middle of the living room or maybe his bedroom and it was going to be disgustingly adorable and so Christmas that he was absolutely positive it would work.

It didn’t matter if it was ten o’clock on Christmas.

“There’s got to be something,” Killian promised. Emma didn’t lift her eyebrows. “This is supposed to be the city that never sleeps or whatever.” “Now you really do sound like a guide book.”

Killian grinned at her, grabbing his shoes from the spot just inside the door, glancing around to find Emma’s only to remember she’d left them in the living room. “Bring the blanket with you,” he said, nodding towards the fabric twisted around her shoulders still.

“You’re serious about this?” Emma asked, tugging her hair over her shoulder.

He nodded, grabbing a team-branded sweatshirt off the back of a chair in the corner of the room. “There’s a spot around the corner that’s been selling trees for eight weeks. They’ve got to have something left.” “It’s Christmas though.” “You’ve now pointed out that it is a holiday several times, love. I knew that before we decided to get a tree.” “Oh, we’ve decided now?” She was laughing, eyebrows finally back to their appropriate spot on her forehead as she slid forward on the bed.

“Yup,” Killian answered, nodding once again for good measure. He grabbed another sweatshirt out of his closet, pausing only long enough to wonder how many sweatshirts he actually had in his closet, before tossing it towards Emma. She caught it one-handed, shrugging the blanket off to pull the fabric over her.

It didn’t fit. It wasn’t even close to fitting her, fabric hanging down below her hips as she pulled the hood up over her hair. “Alright,” she said and the word seemed to sink into him and over him and through him and probably some other verb when Emma’s hand landed on his chest. She was biting her lip, but the nervous look that normally came with that particular move weren’t anywhere in her expression.

She looked excited.

She looked exactly how Killian felt.

They only paused long enough for Emma to push her feet back into her boots and she brought the blanket with her, doing her best to keep it from dragging on the sidewalk in front of his apartment as they walked three blocks down towards the tree stand he’d passed almost every day on his way to the downtown one.

And Emma’s shoulders visibly sagged as soon as they crossed the street, the tiny little stand covered in brown canvas.

He could see a few tiny, castoff trees sticking out of the side, tied up as if whoever ran the stand wasn’t even particularly concerned with the status of any of them. No one wanted castoff trees. There was a metaphor there.

“Damn,” Emma muttered, sighing softly as she pulled up the end of the blanket again.

Killian just shook his head, tongue running over his lip and that same determination was back. They were going to get a Christmas tree. If these were castoff trees then, well, they’d have cast-off trees and they’d get something to put on it and the metaphor was practically slapping him in the face now. It kind of felt like getting knocked into the boards.

“You think you can play lookout, Swan?” he asked, glancing to his side.  She blinked once and that was as long as it took for her to understand what he wanted to, eyes darting down the otherwise abandoned block before she nodded deftly.

“Pirate,” she accused.

“Does this count as pillaging or plundering?” “Maybe a bit of both?

“A perfect Christmas tradition then.”

She laughed softly, turning her back on him to glance down the sidewalk as Killian tugged on the edge of the canvas. There was rope involved and he hadn’t really been expecting that, grunting slightly when he tried to pull the knot apart.

“God, shut up,” Emma laughed. “You’re going to give us away.” “Yeah I’m sure all these people on the sidewalk can hear me.” “Hey, if you’re going to be sarcastic, then you can be your own lookout.” “You know how to untie knots, Swan?” “I know how to pick locks.” “I’m not sure that’ll help,” Killian said, tugging on the rope again, hoping it would just dissolve in his hand. It didn’t. Emma glanced over her shoulder, clicking her tongue when she saw him, more or less, just yanking on the knot in front of him. “Oh, well, that’s just sad,” she said, tugging on the back of his sweatshirt until he moved out of the way. “Go play lookout, Captain. I’ve got this.”

He didn’t argue – something about the certainty in her gaze making him agree without a single word – and it took her all of fifteen seconds to exclaim softly, canvas opening when the knot wasn’t much of a knot anymore.

“How’d you do that?” Killian asked, grabbing the first castoff tree in front of him and resting it against the front of his sweatshirt. Emma shrugged, already retying the knot, fingers moving quickly and if he hadn’t known they’d just stolen a Christmas tree, Killian would have been certain the knot had stayed in tact the entire day.

“I was in...Florida,” Emma mused, pulling on the rope to make sure the knot stayed in place. “I think it was Florida and one of the kids in the house had a book about knots. I know how to tie at least half a dozen different knots.” “A book about knots? I think you’re the one who’d make a pretty good pirate, Swan.” She hummed, scrunching her nose slightly when she noticed that the bottom of the blanket landed in the snow. “Kids keep things in houses like that. You know, trinkets or mementos or something from good moments. It happened in every house I went to. I guess that kid had a thing for knots.” “Like that blanket you’ve got in Mary Margaret’s apartment?” he asked, hauling the tree onto his shoulder. It wasn’t very big.

Emma’s mouth hung open and the entire blanket nearly landed in the snow. “How did you know that? Did Reese’s tell you that?” “No, no,” Killian said quickly. “But you had on Thanksgiving. It was on the couch.” “And you remembered that? From one night?” He shrugged, not quite worried about pushing anymore, but still a bit wary of overstepping some invisible barrier or scaling walls he was certain he’d all but knocked down at this point. “It seemed important to you.” Her eyes moved quickly, tracing over his face like she was looking for some reason to not believe him and she bit her lip again when she couldn’t find anything.

Kissing was a bit difficult with a Christmas tree on his shoulder and a blanket in between them, but Emma moved and Killian could feel her smile when her lips hit his.

“Do you think we should leave money for the tree or does that kind of take away from the pirate theme?” Emma asked, hands still on his chest.

“Seems kind of Scrooge-like if we don’t, doesn’t it?”

“Look at you mixing your references like that.” “Feel free to tell me how impressed you are by it, Swan.” “So impressed,” she laughed, widening her eyes. “Where would we even leave the money?” “I have no idea, but if we’re going to do this we should probably figure it out before someone catches us stealing a Christmas tree.” Killian shifted the tree, making a face when Emma clicked her tongue muttering something that sounded like an extra day of PT under her breath and fished his wallet out of his pocket, holding it out for her. She eyed it cautiously until he pressed it into her palm.

“I’ve only got so many hands, love,” he said. She shook her head quickly – like she was was trying to wake up from something or wondering if maybe she should wake up from something – and pulled the wallet open. “Twenty?” she asked. “I mean it’s kind of a lame tree.” “Are you insulting our tree, Swan?” “No, no, of course not. I...I love our tree.”

“That was kind of the point.” “Another plan, well executed.” “You know,” Killian said slowly, grinning as Emma stuffed the bill underneath the canvas in between a slightly fuller tree branch. “I think we just notched some sort of Christmas crime-miracle, Swan.” The ends of her mouth quirked up as she turned back around and she nodded as she took a step back towards him. “I think that might be right. Come on, Jones, we’ve got to make sure that tree gets properly watered.”

The Duane Reade at the end of his block was still open when they walked back and the seasonal aisle was a bit depressing, but there was one package of plastic ornaments that wasn’t broken or dented and they needed ornaments.

The cashier stared at them when they walked up, mouth opening slightly at the tree still resting on Killian’s shoulder. “Aren’t you…” he trailed off, glancing across the shield on the front of his sweatshirt.

“Probably,” Killian agreed.

Emma laughed about that for what felt like hours, even after they were back in the apartment, hot chocolate in respective hands – a questionable amount of cinnamon in Emma’s – and the tackiest garland they could find on the tree. “You know,” she said softly, kneeling down to wrap the sparkly, silver garland around the bottom of the tree. “I've never had a tree. Or, at least, I’ve never picked out a tree myself.” “To be fair, we did steal it.” “We paid for it!” “Someone’s going to steal that twenty dollars and you know it.”

“Scrooge.” “I thought we decided on pirate,” he said, holding his hand out when Emma tugged the end of the garland underneath a final branch. She took it, letting him tug her up against his side and something seemed to settle when she rested her head on his shoulder again.

The boulder in his stomach was almost gone completely.

“How come they call you KJ?” she asked, voice so soft he barely even heard the question. He hadn’t really been expecting that.

“El and Banana?”

“Yeah.” “It’s a long story.” “I’m not going anywhere,” Emma muttered. “As long as that’s ok. I didn’t really ask.” “It’s better than ok, Swan,” Killian promised, kissing the top of her hair like that somehow proved his point. He moved them towards the couch, propping his legs up on the coffee table and Emma twisted hers back over his knees, curled up against him. “Alright,” he started, “Well, you know the beginning.

I was eight when we moved into the brownstone and it had been this whole process getting us down there and the whole time it went on, everyone just referred to Liam and I as a unit. The Jones brothers. That was it. We were a package deal and that was fine, but it also made it seem like nothing was ever really mine.

It was El. Of course. She started calling me KJ and at first I kind of hated it, which is why Banana started doing it, but they kept doing it and it just kind of stuck. I can’t tell you the last time either one of them actually called me by name.” He sighed softly, closing his eyes lightly and Emma shifted against his side. “Something out of a storybook,” she whispered.

“What?” “Your family. All of them. It’s like something out of a storybook. I’ve never...I’ve never seen anything like that before.” “You got them on their best behavior, that’s why.” “You tell ‘em to do that?” “Maybe,” he said, shrugging slightly. Emma grumbled when he moved, shifting her until she was sitting up straight again. “You know it’s still Christmas.” “Barely, it must be close to midnight.”

“That means I’ve still got some time then.” “For?” “To give you your gift, obviously.” “What?” Emma asked and he appreciated the surprise in her voice a bit more than he expected. “You didn’t have to do that.” “You bought me a pillow,” Killian pointed out, pulling himself off the couch as he moved back down the hallway and into his room and the drawer next to his bed. He found what he was looking for in half a breath and two seconds.

Emma was sitting cross-legged in the corner of the couch when he turned the corner into the living room, the Rangers pillow in her hands and her hair pulled over one of her shoulders. “You really didn’t have to do this,” she said again.

“We’ve been over this, Swan. Afraid I’m not very good at wrapping, though.” He sank onto the edge of the coffee table – and he wasn’t sure if it was the look on her face or the sudden reappearance of anxious in his stomach, but he needed to this before he lost his nerve.

“Give me your hand, love,” Killian muttered and Emma held her palm up expectantly. He took a deep breath and dropped the laces in her hand.

She narrowed her eyes and he understood – it wasn’t quite as obvious as a pillow. “Are these,” she said slowly, “laces? Jersey laces?” “Yeah, mine to be specific.” “Yours?” Killian nodded and Emma’s breath caught when she realized they’d been knotted together. “From the jersey you made Kristoff let you borrow.” “How’d you manage to pull that one off?” “He owes me.” “Of course he does,” Emma muttered, teeth tugging on her bottom lip again. Her eyes hadn’t left the laces, twisting the ring in between her thumb and her forefinger. That wasn’t really helping the nerves in his stomach.

“You don’t have to actually wear it, Swan. It’s just El said they should be tied together or there wasn’t really a point…”

“El said?” “Oh fuck,” he mumbled. “I definitely asked.” Emma smiled and she wasn’t biting her lip anymore, eyes finally meeting his. “That is disgustingly adorable.” “It is.” She twisted her lips and he was fairly positive she actually glanced at the tree before she took another deep breath, holding the laces in one hand. “You want to do the honors, then?” she asked and her voice didn’t shake at all.

Killian nodded slowly – a million and two thoughts and explanations and he should have told her why he was doing this, but that was treading close to overly sentimental, something not even in the realm of storybook anymore, just melodramatic, romantic nonsense. He was fairly certain Emma deserved a bit of melodramatic, romantic nonsense.

And he wanted her to have something, something that was his because nothing had really ever been his except this team and, now, maybe, this.

Except this might have been theirs.

He pulled the laces out of her hands and slid them around her wrist, tugging her hand up to kiss along the line of her knuckles.

“Sap,” Emma muttered and he laughed against her fingers.

“Absolutely.” Killian moved back onto the couch, sinking into the corner and leaning back until his legs were stretched out and Emma pulled herself flush against his side, hair falling in his face. “It’s a good tree,” she said softly. “And we should probably go on a date at some point.” “What?” “A date. This is me asking you out. On a date. Like a real date, not just this couch.” “What’s wrong with this couch?”

“Nothing. At the end of the date. Maybe.” “Maybe?” “Depends how the date goes, I guess.” “Shouldn’t I be the one asking you out?” Emma scoffed. “Not only are you a giant sap, you are also, apparently, ancient.” “Rude,” he laughed. “And you can’t keep surprising me like this, Swan. It’s hardly fair.” “Was it a surprise?” “Well we haven’t been on a date before.” “So let’s fix that. Post-Christmas date.” “Alright,” Killian agreed and he probably should have done that from the get-go. “On one condition.” “Which is?” “Let me plan it.” Emma twisted slightly, propping her chin up and he hadn’t actually taken the sweatshirt off yet. “For real?” “You literally plan things for a living, Swan. I can plan one night out. C’mon, let me take care of this.” She considered it for a moment, but then her chin moved. “Yeah,” Emma said. “Ok.” “Ok.”

They fell asleep on the couch and Emma pulled the Rangers pillow up off the ground, pushing it underneath her head and on his chest and the sun practically shined off the tacky, silver garland when they woke up the next morning.