#ok what if i kill mysef
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romeythehomie · 7 months ago
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vent
you know it’s like. i think i really am cracking up there comes a point where it’s like ok is this a bad week or is this a bad month or is this just my whole entire life and i get a sprinkling of good days here and there but mostly am scraping by bc i know i was not doing this poorly when i was in school and now objectively things should be fine like the most frustrating part is there is nothing even WRONG!!!!!!! things are going perfectly fine and yet i am record breakingly insane i don’t know why i’m acting like this and i don’t know how to stop mysef no matter how desperately i want to i am not 14 anymore there is no romance in being this fucking miserable and suicidal constantly and i don’t like wallowing in it i don’t want to hold onto it but nothing will fucking work. and this is the improved me!!!this is me when i take my meds and sleep regularly!!!! for fucking what! like if there was one’ think i wish i could get people to understand it’s that ok i am fucking trying like truly how do you explain that not killing myself and instead just obsessing over its inevitability is in fact time and energy consuming and is the better alternative but i do not want to feel like this either!!!!!!!
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kilignosis · 4 years ago
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2020 Creator Wrap: Favorite Works
Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 (or so) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!
I was tagged by @melonatures (thank you for tagging i had a lot of fun), so ok, first things first i only started “making” “content” this year, a lot of it was experimental and not necessarily great, but will make the list for sentimental reasons.
1. photoset of Mok Hae Won’s outfits in I’ll Find You When The Weather Is Fine ( follow up gifsets here and here)
i’m putting this up first not because it was the best thing I did (HA), but because it was the first idea that made me want to put in the work and post content, it got me motivated to make edits and eventually to learn how to gif, and I’m really proud that a few months later I was able to make a double gifset for it.
2. My Secret Romance edit
I’m still extremely pissed at how nice this turned out because it wasn’t a good drama, it wasn’t particularly pretty or impressive to look at, but for the negative effort I put into it (i wasn’t even using PS yet), it was one of my first edits where I was like, wait hold on, this looks good. It even has a cohesive color palette, something i generally struggle with.
3. The Ghost Bride edit
Might be my favorite thing I made yet, not that the show isn’t pretty but I chose great shots and truthfully I think it ended up looking more aesthetic and colorful than the show is.
4. This is Not What I Expected + food gifset
My first ever gif/gifset, it was something I had been hoping someone would make because this movie had beautiful food and no gifsets, so I finally caved and got the work done myself. I could probably make a better one now, but I’m happy with it.
5. More Than Friends gifset 
Another first, this time it was subtitles. I know these are all simple things but it felt like a big achievment to get them synched and figuring out which scenes to select. I also realized i kind of hate giffing actual scenes with dialogue lol.
honorable mentions:
the true beauty set which was more for practice but they’re the prettiest gifs i’ve made yet probably
goo se ra’s rainbow suit collection
this set which looks whatever but still the best concept i’ve had so far
the kill it edit because it was so colorful and full of animal shots
the save me edit because it was kind of a boring show visually but i chose good caps if i can so mysef
this wtwif edit purely for the aesthetic
I’m leaving this open for anyone who wants to do it!
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finderskeepersff · 6 years ago
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42. Part 2
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Why do I have to be in this situation, I don’t want this for either of them. Staring at Myles “tell me this Kyle, am I going to be a single mother? Does my child have to go through what I went through, to know his dad is around but not know him” Sofia’ voice broke “Sofia, don’t cry” Myles placed his hand on her shoulder “I’m hurting for my child, not me” she wiped her tears “hope you’re both happy, I cried on my birthday. Anyways, I’m going to bed and when you do see him tell him thanks for nothing” Myles eyeballed me “I will talk to you” I said turning around as she waddled off, she is waddling and it’s kind of cute “Sofia, are you ok?” Her friend asked “Kyle are you upsetting Sofia on her birthday?” Amira’ eyes bulged out at me “nah, I’m not. I just need to speak to her in private, come Myles. We will talk to you in private” I don’t want this for her, I can only tell her the truth “I’m not crying, it’s ok. I’m just pregnant and highly emotional” Sofia lied, hitting Myles shoulder for him to come with me. Amira keeps eyeballing me but I am not making Sofia upset on purpose, that is not me. I am sad for her, I’m also reluctant in getting Cassius to come back if he isn’t ready “you going upstairs?” Seeing Sofia on the step “yes, you can walk around me if you like. I’m slow” putting my head down “you go first, it’s cool” I’m not for this at all, why make women cry “she is taking her sweet time” Myles said in a whisper, looking up and seeing Sofia barely move “you think this baby going to be big?” I asked “it’s big on kicking me, I think so or it could be me gaining” I don’t think she has, it looks like it’s all baby.
Looking behind me, Myles closed the bedroom door “what hurts me the most is that, I have accepted that I will be a single mother but deep down I haven’t accepted that he would ditch me like this. If I knew I was going to be alone then I wouldn’t have had a baby with him, he promised me he would be here for the baby. He isn’t and you both know where he is and you are protecting him, you both are to blame” she pointed at us “I was all for telling you, I was all for bringing you to the place” Myles bitch ass defending himself “it wasn’t like that!” I spat glaring at Myles “so the deal is, and I don’t think it’s true. Cassius thinks you have had other men or you’re looking to move on. He called, well Celine called Leyton and another man was looking after him, that really played on his mind” Sofia’ mouth fell open “another man, you mean Jasmine’ fucking ex! I haven’t even done that, I never cheated or looked at another man. Cassius should know this, that is dumb on his end! Men scare me because of the way they see me and he knows this” taking in a deep breath, I am stressed “that is how he felt, he admitted that it was never about the money. He didn’t care for it but it was you he wanted. Cassius, is a user. He does take drugs occasionally” I don’t know how to explain “just for fun? Who fucking does that?” Sofia half shouted “he’s built like a machine to do that shit, I know. But he’s used before, he would be at Celine’ place getting high as shit. He is bad, we accept it for what it is. He got locked up, he came out clean, he met you. Life is good. Then it’s happened again and I couldn’t have him be near you Sofia because if he did something stupid then he would regret that. He openly asked to leave and for help so he is, but now he’s at peace, he’s happy I guess. He’s now fucking around not wanting to leave and purposely trying to use again, he’s saying because he has nothing to do. Here nobody will kill him. Cassius should have said but I don’t know” I am stressed too “he said he never wanted to scare me away” Sofia mumbled “but he’s so normal and ok?” She don’t get it “I mean he is when he has had a bit, Carnell fucked that boy up and we can’t do anything. He’s seen shit at a young age, his dad made sure he saw the worst to build him up to be this and I guess he does it to forget but I know my nigga loves you. He was telling me it’s your birthday, the baby is due and he will be thirty, he ain’t lost his mind but I feel he wants too. He is so gifted, I am sorry Sofia but I thought he would be back but it’s taking longer” I can only tell the truth.
Sofia walked off slowly towards the balcony, mysef and Myles just looked at each other not knowing what to say “you did this yourself? The crib looks good” I am changing the subject I feel bad, I didn’t want to tell her because it’s stressful for her too “thanks, so he was taking while with me?” She asked, Sofia looks like she is thinking hard on something and I won’t even front she looks so tired “more than likely, he does though. He does it occasionally” Sofia grabbed the tablet from the side and started doing something “occasionally, right” she spoke as she continued to do something on the tablet and then walked off “I have done nothing but love that man” staring at Sofia as she walked towards this wall and it beeped, frowning at what she is doing and the wall came apart “that is Cassius safe?” I asked as Sofia pulled back the wall as it came apart “you’re right” she said as I walked towards her seeing the wall filled with money upon money, a row of drugs and two guns “I never knew” Sofia said as she pushed the wall back as it locked and she walked off “I didn’t” her voice broke and she shut the door to the bathroom.
I didn’t want to be in between this at all, I didn’t but I am now and I’m doing it because I feel for her “what you doing?” Turning to Myles “here, I’m calling him and you’re speaking” Myles can’t do shit for himself but then asks me, then again he will irritate Cassius “yo” Cassius answered “speak to Sofia” I said lowly “no, I’m ok with that. She’s ok without me, I’m ok without her. I can’t speak to her” what planet is he on “then why send flowers Cassius? What fucking game are you playing here, seriously” Sofia came out of the bathroom “I’m going to sleep now, thanks anyways” Sofia said, her eyes red as ever “she’s been crying, you made her cry” Cassius said down the phone “nah nigga you did, don’t blame me for anything” he is cheeky as fuck “let me speak to her” I don’t trust Cassius now, he may be an asshole to her “he wants to speak to you, Cassius that is” holding the phone out to her, Sofia sniffeled walking over to me “put it on speakerphone” she said, tapping my phone screen and pressing speakerphone “Cassius?” I said “I’m still here” he said as Sofia disconnected the call “I can’t, please just go” Sofia said through her sobs “I’m sorry” I apologised “please go” I feel so bad.
Myles held out the phone to me, Cassius rang back “why you put the phone down?” Cassius questioned, walking down the steps “she didn’t want to speak to you, from the sound of your voice she just cried. Why can’t you just come back? I am not pushing you or anything” I feel I am between these two now, it is not fair on me either “I just need time” Cassius simply said “time isn’t on your side brother, she is missing you. Anyways just be good, speak soon” disconnecting the call “so what we need to do is tell mama Warren, she needs to be here for Sofia. She looks like she is ready to have the baby and then it will be fine. I am not going to have that on my mind so we can do that. Cassius, he can be on the back burner until he is ready” turning to Myles “his dad would beat his ass for this this, Carnell don’t put up with that weak shit” Myles shook his head “this is what got him in there, so stop with the jokes” I pointed at Myles “we don’t do that pussy shit Kyle, we know that” sighing out “clearly what has happened, Sofia has bought that out of him. He has a heart my nigga and he always has, his dad was a fucking pill that made him just lose sight. I get it, we was scared of Carnell, you cried my nigga” I laughed “I remember you cried, and then Cassius got his ass beat. He saw his dad beat crackheads up, he saw him beat women up. He told us this, come on Myles” Myles put his head down “true” Myles is a whole dummy.
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Kicking my bed covers away from me, I am so hot. Breathing out wiping my forehead, I know Cartier is awake because he is having a party in my stomach right now. Placing my hand on my stomach “calm down in there” stroking my stomach, I think he is ready to come out of the oven and I am ready for him to leave my body alone. Feeling a kick to my hand “you are so damn feisty” I guess I am awake and baby is awake too, slowly getting up out of bed. My tits are sore, my pussy is contracting so life is great for me. I feel so much more better than I did last night, I needed that rest even though it was my birthday I needed to just rest. It didn’t help hearing about Cassius, now I feel like I failed him because I didn’t see the signs. I am so upset for him in a way that I didn’t know, how did I know that Cassius was this, I know he had issues but drugs, I didn’t know. I just want him to see me, I want him to be here for our son and what is hurting me is that I am not getting that help from him. Forget me but what about Cartier, he deserves a father. He doesn’t want to see me then fine, but I know in my heart that I love him and he will be the only guy that I will ever love or let come near me, I just want my son with a father.
“Morning birthday girl” Olivia said, smiling at her “morning and my birthday is over, don’t mind me I am just comfortable like this” I laid out on the corner couch watching TV “you do you girl, whatever makes you comfy” Olivia touched my stomach, looking up at her “that is weird, a baby is in there. It is weird to see you pregnant but also you look so beautiful my friend” smiling at her “thank you, all I can say is that I am very sore and my boobs are aching me. Don’t do it” holding Olivia’ hand “I won’t, you do it for us and we can play with your baby” I chuckled “auntie better pay up too” Olivia walked off “girl, we going to Target and that is it, he better be coming New York though. We can babysit and you and Cassius can go and fuck yourselves crazy. You want some breakfast. I am making” I sighed out “why not, do it” she did offer to make some.
I have such anxiety, that anxiety is from the fact I don’t want my son to not have a dad. Screw the relationship, if it doesn’t happen then so be it but he promised me he would be here for this baby “you in deep thought, speak out loud them thoughts” dragging my eyes away from my daydream “just thinking, I am scared about giving birth you know how it is. I am just like what the fuck is going to happen, I am just wanting everything to go ok for my baby you know” Mia smiled at me “we are here for you if you need it” smiling back at her “you know what, I am not going to go around the subject but Cassius and I are taking a break. It is something we both decided that we needed for a while, he is around still so that is why” Mia’ mouth fell open and just pointed at me without saying a word “yes?” I know she got something to say “you both love each other so much? Are you being real right now?” nodding my head “it’s just something we both needed” I just wanted to get that out there, I am sick of them thinking something. I think I just need to focus on this baby, I need too because if he isn’t going to be here then I can’t be just worrying about him “and I can see in your eyes how sad you are Sofia, we are here for you” Mia said, looking down at my plate.
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I laugh at this guy, he thinks I am high or I’m not with it but I am “you come back for more stories?” Henry sat down on the chair across from me “I never said they are just stories Cassius, I believe you. It’s good to talk about it. You continue to keep it inside of you it eats you inside and then you’re here with us, that is something you don’t want right? We have known each other for a while now” putting my cigarette out “people want me dead Henry, they could come here and shoot you and then me and we both dead” Henry put his hand up “I know who you are, we have police records and we can see it. I am being truthful with you so be truthful to yourself, there is always good in people” I am surprised he ain’t snitched on me “oh god” I sighed out stuffing my hands in my jacket pockets “it’s nice here, I enjoy the scene. It’s quiet, you hear boss so much it gets boring. But yeah I got pimped out by own dad” looking back at Henry “you mentioned this slightly last time, is this what triggers you to take?” I shrugged “I always take, look. I like you, you good people but I have a death sentence waiting out there for me and then you know” I talk in riddles all of the time with him “why don’t we speak on Sofia, how did you meet her? What happened?” Rubbing the side of my face “she gave me a heart bro” I need another cigarette now.
Walking with Henry, he is determined I talk “she was my first girlfriend, I never had a girlfriend. I just fucked with these women. I didn’t have the drive, the mindset for a woman to be with me like that. I can’t be loved but I ended up falling hard for Sofia, you see her and she is amazing. Everything is perfect, her mind, body, soul it’s perfect. But then I fell hard, and I realised I wanted to be this normal guy, I don’t want to die, I don’t have a death wish anymore. I have a son on the way and I am here. I can’t bring myself to leave” Shaking my head feeling the disappointment in my heart “have you spoken to her? Before coming here” I chuckled lightly “I scared her, I scared her. The person that I said would protect her, I protect her from everyone else but I couldn’t protect her from the person I became. They try and call me Jordan, he was slapping bitches around because my dad did, I had to put up with him. I had to hear my dad bully everyone in my house every day! I had to beat my own dad up and then people ask why I don’t have a heart, because what I don’t need is a heart. Then I have Sofia and I fucked up, I get these nightmares and I get these thoughts. I still see my dad beating these people up for drugs, I was so young. That woman, she begged me for help and I was just a kid. I just want to beat him so bad. I want to kill my own dad Henry, he taunts me every time and then says that’s my boy when I get angry. He hates Sofia because she has changed me, it’s a mess” I can’t even explain because it’s a mess “are you pushing Sofia away so you don’t have to choose?” Glaring at Henry “what do you mean?” What is he on “you speak on your dad a lot, you seem to obey your dad a lot, now with your dad not liking Sofia. Is this you choosing or is your usage of drugs going up is because you are stuck?” Staring at Henry licking my lips saying this, I don’t know how to answer this “it does seem to me your dad nurtured you into being this and he sounds like a proud man of you, but he always wants more from you because he knows you give, you need to maybe break those chains.”
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tryingtofindwhoiam · 4 years ago
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Today is definitely a sad day. I don't know exactly why. First thing first I'm in the moood for this song :
I don't know. For the past few days I have done a lot of exercise, sport three times the day and well, I eventually have to rest so today is the off day. And it is killing me. The last few days were hard themselves, I had hurt myself playing tennis and I had to immobilize my hand/arm for a week. So I did a lot of bike. Cardio all day every day. Since monday my wrist was a little more ok so I started again using it and maybe I overdid myself. I just want to feel better with my body and it is unhealthy af. I want to lose weight. I can't take it anymore, I'm so fed up with myself, and I want to lose it now, I didn't usually so much time for mysef and I'm fearing september as hell. I just want to be alone and learn to live with myself first.
Yep I can't seem to stop crying. The last week was great, my mood was up, and I was fearing what is happening right now.
I was joking about me wanting to be Dianna's gf, like not so much, but I'm not delusional. But it just gets me thinking. I'm so alone. I fear other people, and what, the last time I had any intimacy with anyone was 8 years ago, 8 freaking years. You know that feels, the one, the "i have ruined my life already so why continue". Yeah that's it. I used to be so... hopeful. And life got in the way I guess.
Every year, I wish that one year from now would be better. I can't set anything further in time.
This, all of this, is way too hard. I'm so tired.
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adriansfreedom · 7 years ago
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It’s always the best when you figure out what your body has been craving
Dark chocolate by the way and red meat I think roo. Midnight post workout snack for the wiiiinn
#me#personal#god i’m still such a collage student i just ate two handfuks of frozen dark chocolate chips and a half eaten burgerking burger from#yesterday that I had put in my fridge.#though hopefully with the working out things will figure out.#I’m trying to get good at weight lifting.#way deep deep down i want to lose weight as well as get strong because of the history of what my mum has told me as recently as a few years#ago. -imagine how bad the people who aren’t leaving you alone would be if you were drop dead georgious#oh i know you got upset yesterday at what i said so i talked to your father ablut it and we agree that you could be drop dead georgious and#we are choose not to be - thanks mum. love the support. ok I’m fine really. sith my current partner my consciousness of my body dissipates#and it’s jusf me and the person. i know this is an insane and probably uncomfortable rant and i really need to just let what they said go#ok. I’m going to just go to bed and pretend i didn’t rant this whole time about my weight which is something i have been reminded that i#can change. reminded in such a way that i fucking hate by the way as in -man#i don’t feel attractive today or man I don’t like this - -well then change it- like bitch. what do you think i do?? why do you want me to#feel guilty about how hard of a time i have fighting against my genetics and my upbringing with unathletic foodies. reprograming takes tim#time asshole and i would like to learn to love mysef as. i. am. along the way. jsut tell me i’m not ugly dick head#oh. haha that’s a rant i have been holding back for a while. sorrrryyy ok I’m done. also#if you made it this far in this little hell of subtext you deserve a highfive. oh god now i’m thinking aboht an anonymout message i got#this message was someone litterslly telling me anonymously that they were going to kill themselves and eventually i would save someone#I’M SORRY BUT WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO SOMEONE AND NOT GIVE ME A WAY TO CONTACT YOU OR MAKE SURE YOU ARE OK I CARE FOR EVERYONE I KNOW AND#YOU GOOD PERSON NEED TO NOT PULL THAT SHIT. MY GOD YOU BETTER BE ALIVE FOR ME TO BE ANGRY AT OK#ALRIGHT. so with this rollercoaster of mental stuff that i have not let out in a minute i’m going to go to bed. if you have thoughts and#commentary you have made it far enough in this at this point and have won the right to pm or anonymous or message me. haha you deserve a#sticker too by the way.
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olusegundare · 6 years ago
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Brother Samson and Sister Debbie’s Story Continues
Sister Debbie says, "I do not know I can stop"...(July 6th, 2013)
I did not leave early 4 school dis time around as I used 2 do b4. Broda Samson, my fiancé has gotten 2 his shop, Yams and eggs were fried 4 him...we were in his office talkin abt d buz' expansion having transfer part of d money in2 his co-operative account, paid some outstanding loans, & used d rest 2 buy some goods which are out of stock in d shop and which r being demanded for. I am suggesting dat he gets a two bedrooms flat n if possible a self contain room dat has all d basic facilities intact, so as 2 give us more room 2 plan 4 d future by equipping d house...Accommodation is outrageously costly in d island...and it is not as if there r companies in d Island...d island is predominantly deminated by civil servants & farmers, d rest people are essentially dependat people...yet, landlords charges are outrageous...many people would
have exit d island, but they said they have not received a go from the Lord, my people so much believe in God's leading, which i cherish too dearly, infact, it is because of such leadings that d island has not collapsed, bc d leaders of d Island are "put am for mouth and be silent" (ká fi sẹnu ká dákẹ́)...people r suffering in d island...yet our leaders travel almost on a daily basis 2 some other more developed islands, but 2 implement what they saw @ other island, making d lifes of commoners beta become a taboo for them, dey instead belabour them, adding unto their sorrows...the tax is like a heavy yoke on d people...yet d leaders receive wages that is enof 2 establish another country on a daily basis...people do hard labour but they have nothing 2 show 4 it...d spiritual aspect, is what is keeping d island... Some who inhabits d island say dey are there bc God directed dem 2 be dia, while some are inhabiting d island bc dey are transfered 2 d island by their companies...for business
2 thrive in d island, one needs special supports 4m God, else, one shall work as an elephant but would be eating like an ant...yet d govt of d island would be demanding 4 excess tax payment 4m d populace for infrastructures not provided...if not that killings are bad, killings are unscriptural, many of the island's leaders would have been shot by the populace...their heavy laden, their yokes on d populace, is stricter, harder, tighter, tougher than what the Isrealites experienced in the land of Egypt those days according to "wetin we dey" read for bible, and the stories we were told years ago while a toddler still attending the sunde schools...yet we keep enduring...they keep cajoling us...they keep telling us open lies...enforcing themselves on the populace..."ibi ori dani si la n gbe" is what many except some privileged few who r enrishing themselves at d detriement of the populace used to say...
So, i suggest, a self contain at worst so that we have more time 4 ourselves, get some privacies, and be able 2 plan better..."Mai" lord says he hopes 2 get a new place soon, he asked 4 my patience on this crucial subject so as to get a beta place bc he said experience has shown dat when one is in a hurry 2 get a place, d apartment one shall get shall not be too good, to cap it all it would be costly, dat is if one is even very fortunate not to fall into the hands of housing agents who shall dupe the person and escape into the thin air like a velocity... The island's people explore any person whom they discover is urgently in need of an accommodation... "Mai" lord says, he stil has some months left to use in d building before his house rent's due lapsed, thence he wished we use that interregnum period 2 look for a beta place, with all d necessary infrastructures intact...
We discussed some other issues, particularly about the invitation i received 4m the sister's in the fellowship i am attending on the campus, i told him some few points I have gathered on the subject I shall be talking on, he helped me modify it, adding some points to it...I know the devil is in trouble by God's grace during the programme... When it was 11:00 hours the island's time, I stood 2 my feet 2 set out...he said, "so soon?" "I dont want to enter campus lately, because i shall need 2 tidy up some things in my room", I said... "O tún ti fẹ dá aáyun silẹ bayi", he said, as he also stands up 4m where he sat down @... As his customs were, he would see me off 2 d garage, ensuring that d vehicle takes off before he return to his office and shop...
As we alighted 4m d cab, members of d transporters rushed to collect my travelling bag 4m me...An empty bus was on cue, he has barely parked @ d carport when we sauntered into d garage, I am un-arguably d 1st passenger in dis empty bus...I chose d front seat by d side of d door...while we wait 4 other passengers, we were talking.. "You should have leave earlier", "mai" lord said. "I do not wanna go early 2da", I said. "Aint u late for 2da's lectures?" He asked. "We have finished d course outline", I said. "But what of if d man comes 4 a revision?" He asked. I shrugged my shoulders...Leaning my head on his right shoulders. "I just do not like people being @ their duty posts late", he said. I laughed, and said, ""mai" lord who doesnt want me to leave him few minutes ago now becomes a gospel preacher @ d garage, "ó ga o"", i said. "Tara yin na la n sọ fun yin", he said. "Ẹyin lẹ mọ...oju imọle ko kuro lọ́tí", i will barely get 2 campus now b4 u start bombarding me with messages", I said.
"If you love let them know you love, and if do not let them know you do not, that is why i do bombard you with all sorts of love messages", he said. "Huh-hun?" I said. "Dont you know that what one leaves is what the goats snatch?" he said. "I dont understand", I said. "When I fail 2 update your browsers with my messages, soon enof u will see some1 else in da campus and leave me", he said. "Envying "dé", I said. "Not a matter of envying, ladies are fragile, they can easily be tossed away by small wind", he said. "Well, I doubt if that is applicable to me...I have told my God that who I shall be engaged to should be sufficient for me and He has granted me just that...many ladies may be so doing, but as for me, never...I pledge my allegiance to this solid love planted on Jesus", I said. "I am just kidding, but u know a second cannot pass without thinking of u, and thatz why i send messages...so dat u wont miss me 2 much", he said. "I have told God that He shd let d person i said Yes to his love proposals be the 1st and d last in life, and I am grateful to Him that He did not deny me such privilege in finding u...I am comfortable with u", I said.
"Let us stroll around d garage a bit, as the bus is getting loaded", he said...we stand up, hands in hands walking around d garage, seeing the topography of the place and other things inside the garage, as we do this we continued talking... "You know we wont be seeing for the next 3 weeks again", i said. "Why? That long?" he said. "I do not plan 2 come home soon, except if my boss calls me 2 come attend 2 any bottle-necked file", i said. "ok. I shall try 2 cope. I shal adjust. That means more messages." he said. "That is why i decide dat i shal stay behind a while today", i said. "That wont cover for other days or do u think it will?", he asked. "Even, if it wont, i think i love it dis way,...if it is not that u insisted that i progress academically b4 we wed, all my mind is that we wed and i start my MSC under your roof", I said. "I would have loved dat too, but, since, i am yet 2 be on my feet financially, datz why i said we shd use dat 2 buy more time for ourselves", he said.
I wanted 2 ginger him up so I Asked him dat "did I remember 2 tell u dat d undergraduate students sister's leader invited me 4 a talk in d fellowship next wednesday?" "Oh! Really? I presumed because of d joy dat pervade our interaction in d past couple of days make u forget", he said. "Wat a poor me",I said "Very poor u forsooth", he added. "And I would have needed your support 4 d talk",I said. "How do u mean?" he inquired. "So dat u add some spiritual experiences, some pep talks dat i may include 2 ginger up the naives, the experienced in the speech obviously directing them 2 Jesus the Saviour alone", I said. "Well, it is bc u can do it alone dat u havent intimated me", he said..."Mai" lord played d game along with me so well dat I cannot refrain mysef 4m bursting out into laughter later.. ""Ẹyin laye yin shá, ẹ ti fẹ ma dẹru ba mi gan, ko ma tilẹ si nkan to mba yin lojiji"", I said. "Pardon?", he said. "U behaved as if I havent tell u about d program @ all", I said. "Really? Did u tell me about a program u were invited to b4?" He inquired, looking serious as if he is saying d right thing.. "Yes, I did do "mai" lord sire, infact u were d one who was modifying some of d outlined points some couple of minutes ago", I said. "That must be interesting, because i did not think I have done such things dis day", he concluded...
"Who was d one who modified my points in your office a couple of minutes away?" I asked. "Maybe my spirit. Maybe one of the ghosts. Maybe u didnt even know my office, maybe someone else's office", he said. "I know "mai" lord's office, I am hand in hand with "mai" lord, strolling, receiving some fresh air in a garage", I said. "That shd be fantabulous. Did I know you? Have I ever seen someone like u?" He asked. "Nope sire. You dont know me, except that you see your love to garage to board a vehicle back to her school", I said. "Wondrous! Great! Lovely! Suigeneris!", He exclaimed. "You and all vocabularies, in a short while u will be talking about me, dat my grammar is "three" much, what of you?" I said "So, my love..." interjecting, "Yes "mai" lord sire", I said. "Have u returned my bible dictionary?" He asked. "Nope. I am going with it". I said. "Ensure that you do justice and or justices to the subject b4 u dear, so as give them a spiritually lasting impression", he said. "I shall do just that. That is why I have not returned the bible dictionary, because I know I shall yet need it in putting finishing touches to my points in school", I said.
"But, wait a while, what was it that prompted their inviting you for a message?" He asked. "I dont know oh. I have been repeatedly asking myself that question u asked me since the day I was informed, but, I am yet to come to terms with it, I have not find a satisfactory answer to d question since then...this is because, they havent seen me talk in a congregation before...but, you must be the causative agent of it now?" I said. "In what way?" He asked. "Because it is you who said I shd be fellowshipping with the undergraduates...left to me, I wanted a big church outside academic confines, where I shall meet with people, creme-de-la-creme of the society, business persons, academics, and other professionales...but u insisted I join a campus fellowship, and since I do not want to go against your suggestions, I looked for one with about 90% doctrine as our home church here and joined", I said. "But, that doesnt make them invite you for a ministration, there must be something else...maybe you have answered their question/s during one of the studies or maybe u have done something in the past that triggers their "chemo-spiritual center" which make them looking forward to a day they shall hear you out", he said.
"Hun-hun", I said "That must be the stimuli, because "isẹ kì í sẹ lasan" he said. As he was saying, I was thinking of what he said, "Chemo-Spiritual Center", I havent heard of anything close to that, why did "mai" lord prefer business to academics? He should have been relevant there, maybe he has some other reasons that he hasnt tell me since we started this courtship, with time, I shall get to that root, because look at the ease with which he marries so many professional terminologies with grammar...He continued when I didnt respond "With time, "sha", i guess u shall know why", he said. "Well what me i know is that I talk freely with them...I attend their sisters' discussions proferring advices when needed, and few of them are close to me, the sister leader and some of those who are in my department", I said. "You are just talking", he said. "They know I am in a relationship with a pastor..." Interjecting, "sorry a point of correction, a business man", he said. "Eh, a business man and a pastor", I said. "Nope. My time is not now..." "That is Jesus' statement", I interupted him. "Yes. I am Jesus son. So i can quote my father's statement" he said. "Yes. You can. But in the quoted word, after that Jesus said that, did He altogether refuse to do what He was asked to do?" I asked. "Nope love." he said. "So is it with thee...have u ever refused to do justice to some spiritual things within and without?" I asked. "Rara ma. How can I refuse my masters biddings?" He said. "So. I win. A hidden pastor like prophet Elisha, a successful business man turned a prophet", I enthused. ""Ẹ jọ". You are on fire for the forthcoming ministration. "O ga ju"" he said. ""Ẹyin na la fi jọ", as i was saying "mai" lord, they know I am in a relationship with a pastor, who ofcourse is my spiritual mentor...bc some of them are my friends on facebook and they do read your postings and comments", I said.
"Is that so?" he asked. "Yes ofcourse". I said. "That should connote that they may be inviting you as the wife of a minister of the gospel to be and secondarily as one of the senior colleagues whom they can gain one or two things from", he said. "I guess as much", I said. "You must give dem upto date messages. You must impart knowledge akademik and spiritual" he said. "God shal help me do just that and u must be praying for me and that fervently too, that the name of the Lord be glorified with many coming to the knowledge of Jesus' lordship that day. You know I cannot fast as you are oh..." I said. "When I do pray for those who are not as close as you are to me, how much more praying for my love's ministerial success? Prophet Samuel said, "far be it from me that I should sin against the Lord by failing to pray for you"... "Where can i get d word u have just quoted in d bible?" I interruptedly asked him. "I know it is in the book of first samuel, chapter 12, but d actual verse I cant say, check the last 5 verses of the book when u get 2 school...or I may send it 2 ur inbox when I get it", he replied. "Alright.", I said. "God shal do more than u expect at the program in Jesus name", he said. "Amen oh", I said.
The passengers are complete..."mai" lord paid d transport fare...having given me some money b4 we left his office...the luggages were arranged...tranporters settled themselves behind the scene of the passengers...passengers shouting that the driver make it snappy because of the heat since the doors are closed...at last our bus took off from the garage... As d bus moved on, I started thinking about him, I have grown to love him too dearly...but how did I loved him as much as this? I cannot answer that. He is obviously the kind of person I have been praying for to have as a lover, fiancé all my life, such a soft minded person...Then I remembered that I did not give him a nod when he first made his intention known...why did I do that then?... Oh, it was because I thought he would be too stringent for me, and then I was yet using ear-rings, putting on necklace and bangles occasionally @ least when I wanted to attend any special and social functions...birthdays, weddings, departmental gala nights, welcoming services etc... All these I was doing because my parents, especially my late dad said, I ought to dress gorgeously to impress and attract good suitors...
But with him, I have come to realized that putting on all these may not after all impress some guys particularly those who are deeply rooted in the word of God...so when he came calling, I think there ought to be a misnomer somewhere, i think he has place the right foot in the wrong shoe, me of all persons, me out of all ladies i think...so my response come from subcortical level...NOPE, I SAID, RECHECK YOUR DATA SIRE...THERE IS AN ERROR SOMEWHERE, I SAID... I was thinking how can we cope being together? Me dressing like a local lady? This was because my parents said it is local ladies who dressed like that... I said, I know that sometimes someday and somehow, he shall become a pastor, all my life, I have never thought of becoming a pastor's fianceé let alone thinking of being a pastor's wife... Our parents brought us up simply...we were thought to live a simple life...because in that is joy and peace so they said...they said all those popular figures dont have peace of mind...and what does anyone want in life other than peace, joy, happiness? We were not brought up to be overtly spiritual...so, I summated all these together, said to myself, a pastor in the offing to a simple person, I know he is not too sure whether I can quote three bible chapters and verses off hand...IT IS A LIE, A BLANTANT LIE, I told myself when I re-evaluate what the future perhaps holds...he erred i concluded. But I afterwards, discovered dat I started developing strongest of feelings for him, obviously stronger than all other suitors...the feelings of love...the thought of him began 2 overwhelm me, i find it hard to resist despite all attempts...then I said to my soul, "let your will be done oh Lord", and I went back to him and d journey started...Ever since this journey began, I have experienced remarkable peace and have grown to know the Lord more...as I grow, then I discovered that all these addendums, beautifying things are not necessary after all and I find myself shelving them...I now dress like those called S.U those days...maybe that is part of what those sisters see that made them invite me to minister to them...
After the teaching, the sisters raised many questions, which God assisted me to answer... A week after, two sisters whem we were course mate come to me on different occasions asking me questions about how I do it. How I get my fiancé. I shared my experience with them but I felt I need to ask my fiancé when we see so that he shared more experiences with me on this issue...if is as if I am becoming a marriage counsellor...but who am I? A simple Debbie in an open relationship with a simple brother, Samson...none of us are into marriage counselling...
 My love usually arrives home Wednesday, if she will be coming home, but as at 18:00 hours, d iSland's time, she wasnt around, den I know she probably wont come dat week, thence, our chatting dat day was centered on how her move will be durin d weekend bc I planned 2 go to her end, after-all, I have not visited her since she started her academics in d university... She said she will be most delighted to see me and would arrange 4 where I shall lodge in...We have been having discussion on d issue of my visiting her and where I may likely put up at 4 quite sometimes, and she said she will discuss with one of her male colleagues, so dat whenever I come I may stay in his room...so she said she will go and intimate d person, so dat he makes provision 4 me... Meanwhile, I have also been thinking of where 2 put up @, after-all, assuming I travelled out, I shall stay @ a place, thence, I have been thinking of an hotel...this is option B. Option C, is an aged friend of mine. This friend has just secure a new job with d govt of d Island, and he has been transfered to d city...dis person and I have been very good friend during d secondary school days, but after we finished secondary school with each person securing an admission @ different institutions, there have been separation... Despite d fact dat we tried getting ourselves 2geda, we couldnt because of different programmes we run @ our institutions, which do not harmonise d breaks...sometimes when such break would have been harmonised, local strikes by lecturers, or non academic staffs or students' unrests usually disharmonised d harmony...and because of our individual growth, academic and otherwise, we discovered d truth in our fathers saying that twenty children or youths cannot be together for twenty years...
This friend of mine, Abraham aka A.B as we commonly called him those days was contacted...i did contact him bc we have been connected on facebook and he has edited his profile showing his new status, outside chattings of facebook, we have been talking on fone on several occasions... When I contacted him, he said he usually travel to where his wife and children were every weekends bc he is yet 2 move his family to his new location...infact, according to him, it wasnt long that he secured a 3-bedroom apartment...He said "I shal do you a favour of waiting a while, staying till saturday b4 I travel to my family so dat I conveniently and personnally welcome and accommodate you, and ofcourse use that ample opportunity to know and welcome your found love...after you have waited these years...she must be quite impressive, fantastic, loving...to have won your heart or for you to have won her heart", my friend, A.B enthused. "You are not serious, however,dat shall be wondrous of you, i quite appreciate that," I said... And so, option C becomes d most preferably acceptable by all of us...Preparation to go and visit my heart, my love, my joy, my dove, my jewel, my angel starts in earnest...
At 10:00 hours the island's time on Friday, I was @ d garage...d vehicle took off an hour after, passengers did not rush as of oda days dis day...as I gathered 4m d transporters later, there is no market day in some major towns along d way dat day, assuming there is market day, traders will usualy throng d garage, those who shal either go n buy or those who shal go and sell things in d market/s situated along d route... Apart 4m dis, we heard dat dia was a riot about 3 days ago between two neighbouring towns along d route, their dispute was on d boundaries...facebook news was awash with the news...more mobile police have been drafted 2 d area 2 bring about peace and order...lives were lost n properties worth billions of d Island's currencies destroyed...Infact some affected families would find it extremely hard 2 financially make it again...This major incident, also made drivers circumvent d major route, taking an alternative path to d city.
The new route makes d journey far, tortuous...bc part of dis new route is very, very bad, with big craters...Infact, I salute d drivers, bc a single trip can damage d vehicle...we @ last arrived @ d last bustop under an overhead bridge around 14:30 hours d Island's tym. My friend said he has been in d garage around 13:30 hours, he was unaware of d devpt on d road & he has adapted himsef wit some drivers playing local mathematically oriented game called "Ayò-ọlọ́pọ́n" in d garage...Such d drivers do when dey cannot travel dat day, & some who have returned 4m a trip/s n who do not wish 2 travel again also joined dem, playing, watching, enjoying demselves under relaxed atmosphere...afta all, what shal local pp do to d non-responsive government? We cannot n shal not kill ourselves. We r not in advanced settlements wia things work perfectly...so, not to die of unwarranted n mumbo-jumbo high blood pressure, d drivers created relaxation arena for themselves within d garage...playing, laughing,
...Getting their minds off all hullaballo challenges dat d leaderships of d islands have plummeted d inhabitants of d islands...There r music arena dia, with music oozing out 4m d big loudspeakers...small bukateria is dia, selling local foods 2 people...local fast-food joints r also dia, 4 below average individuals, who may want local pies, cakes, poff-poff, bean cakes etal...One will see small beer parlor joints..."Baba-Ijebu" meaning lottery joints...and others...But in many of d Island's car-parks, one wont see toilet/s...I wonder whether they do not urinate or become pressed by nature to defeacate in any of d Islands' car-parks... So my friend has adapted himsef 2 dem, since he knows how 2 play d game...infact he was on d "field of play" of d game when our bus arrived d garage. Sister Debbie, my love got there abt 5 minutes b4 my arrival, bc she has known d development on d road n knew I wont be around till 14:30 or 14:45 hours...when our bus parked, n she spotted me, she ran to me
And jumped on my neck...people were looking...one person said, "Eh-ya, "ó pẹ́ to ti rí i gbẹhin"... "Ẹ ka bọ" she said as she genuflected... "Ẹ ku ile. Se alafia laba yin?" I asked. "Where r your loads?" she asked "Nothing much...The driver will soon offload dem 4m d boot...I only bring some fruits: pineaples, bananas, oranges, pears, Yams, palm-oil...I said 2 myself some of these u shall give ur friends, while my friend wil also take some 2 his family", I added. "That is good", she said. When d load was removed and she saw a big bag, d one dat some senators used to pack n distribute monies among themselves in d Island's central dogma, as being aired by d television, she cannot hold hersef back 4m talking, "Is dis what u called "nothing much" or somebody else's?" "Yea dearest one, and it is not anoda person's", I replied. "Ẹyin tẹ fẹran isẹ oko bayi, ọrọ yin ma n ya mi lẹnu", ...dont tell me you go to farm to get all these for us...bc I know u will buy few of them" she said. I did not reply her, "pls, have u seen my friend?" I asked her. "Nope, "mai" lord sire...I got here about 7 minutes ago, tried his number but I have not been able to get tru 2 him", she said. "He told me he has gotten to d garage, when I told him we have entered d city...although i tried his line severally b4 it cld sail tru", I said.
"That is d problem with cities, big towns, bc there shall be network interferences...let us try him again", she said. "It is him I am trying now, if dat fails, I shall ping him", I said. "How do we carry dis load now?" she asked. Fortunately 4 me, his line was tru...he did not even picked d call...he saw me where I was standing...and sends some1 to me to tell me where he was... When d guy gets to us, bowing a bit, his voice was a little bit coarse, as he said, "sire, he is over there calling you sire". We dragged d load 2 a safe side...walked 2 him and I heard, "Tayò fun mi, awỌn ti mo n reti lo mbọ yẹn". ""Gbà síbẹ̀, awọn to nreti ti de"" his opponent said. All spectators: "Ayò awọn to n reti leleyi o" Someone from d spectator, "bi a se retí-retí ti eti lu lọjọsi niyẹn", Anoda person 4m d spectator; "Ma da wọN lohun a ò ni gba ki wọn o fi eti rire wọn ba aiye wa jẹ lorilẹ ede yi". A.B: "Kilẹ wa fẹ se ti ẹ o bá gbà?" someone 4m d spectator: "Olowo n sọrọ o ní o ní "ideases" Anoda person concludes: "Mi o mọ iru "ideases" ti olòsì fẹ ni lọdọ awọn olowo. A.B's opponent: "Ayò o olowo mo ba se mi o ba olosi se leleyi o...Ẹjọwọ se olówó lawọn ta n reti o?" I have known dem, d spectators and d players when playing d game, their utterances will be centered on d recent events and happenings, in-particulate utterances to enliven their hearts...
When i got there i said, "mo ki òpè mo ki ọta o", Some1 replied: "Ope njẹ, ọta ti salọ sile baba rẹ". All bursted into laughter...dey started greeting us, "Ẹ kabọ sire, ẹ ku irin, se ọkọ ko jẹ epo?" some1 replied: "what will vehicle "chopulate" if e no "chopulate" fuel"? Anoda person 4m d crowd: "a se o tilẹ gbọ Yoruba...o si ma pe ara rẹ lọmọ Oodua." "Why do you said dat?" anoda person asked. "Se o mọ wipe bi ọkọ ba ti njepo, ko gbádùn niyẹn?...ẹyin ti ẹ ti mọ isẹ dirẹba bayi, ayafi ki Ọlọrun gba wa lọwọ yin" he replied. About three people stand up @ once, "please have your sit sire and ma". A.B: "Ọrẹ́", sit down let me squeeze bitter leaves water on dis man's eyes". A.B's opponent: "Iwọ tabi alaru rẹ? Ki i se ibiyi loni". An elder 4m d crowd: ""Se ayo to ti fẹrẹ pari yi?" Na only mouth u get dis stranger pass u for dis 12-hole-game" As expected, my friend, mr A.B won d game, 3 straight unreplied win...d enterprising match ends...dey wanted 2 challenge my friend's victory, but it is obvious dat such couldnt hold 2da bc of us-his visitors...so he pleads with dem to let him take his leave to attend 2 us his friends, with d promise dat he shal be coming once a whole to relax himsef @ d arena...As he said dis, he was excused as dey also apologized to us, visitors 4m distant place, 4 not offering us drinks...apology accepted, but obviously not verily necessary bc d match itself was "soothing", intriguing, parrticularly d side attractions, I mean d talks, d jestings by spectators,...
..their comments on d issues of global interest, d immediate environ, individual persons, characters, actions and reactions are in itself educative for those of us who want to add knowledge to knowledge, those of us who want his psychosocial interractions worked upon and improved... Sista Debbie also has an inkling into d game, but she has not seen such a spectator gathered watchin a local game...she was surprised...and d moves of A.B surprised her...b4 d match ended, she wispered 2 me of some moves she learnt during d game...my love loves game...I also love games...but I think I have sacrificed my sporting activities and moves for the gospel when I got saved...with God telling me of some assignments for me in not too distant future, thence, I had to relax, jettissioning some if not all of my sport desires, ambitions and aspirations... A.B got up, re-apologized to us, and specially welcomed my love, teasing her dat she has a good luck, bc her good luck brought him fortunes... "What good luck was dat?" Debbie asked. "Winning d sternly contested for game "na ni"", A.B replied. My love walked closely 2 my left side, bc she was in d middle, while AB was @ d extreme left, and she said, "sorry sir, with all due respect sir, "mai" lord has told me dat u cause jaw breaking laughter always" "Ẹh-hẹn? Did Sam' said dat? From your simple or at a glance assessments of me do u think he has told u d truth and nothing but d truth?" A.B asked her. Holding my left hand, "obviously sir...I begin to think dat what he said of u is even "pico-scopic" compared with what I have heard n seen u demonstrate during dis few minutes of being together with u" she said. "It is now I know why Sam' loves u extremely...u are also as funny as he does...no dull moment with him...even while we were in secondary school...he was fantastic then and even much more so now, I thought he would have dropped them, but I think and know he hasnt" A.B enthused.
"That shd mean both of u & indeed some of ur oda friends dat I ave met tru "mai" lord are funny persons", She said. I was just silent, listening 2 "actor n actress" demonstrations within d garage... "Well, wat do u expect of boys brought up locally as we were? We who hav no one @ d top, we keep ourselves alive always, hopeful of a better tomorrow, committing all 2 prayers. Although we r yet 2 get 2 wia we hope getting to, even though our movements may be slow, sluggish, characteristic of a stunted growth...but one thing is sure...we r movin, none of us is static..."àbí ọrẹ", wat do u say?" A.B talking 2 me. "'Am all ears "ọrẹ", all glory 2 God", I said. "Slow n steady win d race, so people say", Debbie said. "My wife do You know wat?" A,B talkin 2 Debbie... "Yes sir" Debbie said. "Our greatest turn around came when we were in secondary school...do u want 2 know wat brings abt d turn-around? A.B asked her. "yes sir, I wanna know" she said. "Our greatest turn around n singular life long achievement happened when we gave our lifes to Jesus Christ in our teenage years" A.B said. "Ẹh-hẹn? Was that so?" she asked.
"Certainly my wife...things though were not smooth 4 us now, but we r gr8fu 2 God dat we did not lose our faith in Jesus Christ...dis is not without our firm decision 2 follow God thru Jesus in all things", A.B enthused. "Blessed be God" she replied being enthralled by A. B's gesticulations. "Since d devil failed 2 snuff life out of us, we r "quadriply" re-ascertained...apology to u madam"... "For what?" Debbie interjected. "For d grammar used "ni"", A.B said "It is allowed in dis forum", she said. Playfully genuflecting, "Thank u my wife...so as I was saying, we r "quadriply" reascertained dat we shal all make it n dat soon too in Jesus name". Debbie and I: "Amen", we chorused. "And dat is why I have 2 thank God 4 teknologi advancements, introduction of social media dat enhances d coming 2geda of aged friends...as we hav come 2geda now, still getting hooked or connected 2 odas, we shal be able 2 assist one anoda in any area we find a person lacking" A.B said. ...The discussion continued...we get 2 wia d bag was kept...beaconed 2 a wheel-barrow pusher...he helped us pushed d load 2 anoda intra-city garage wia we chartered a taxi dat took us to his house...in his house, I separate d ones meant 4 his family while my love has d rest...He took us 2 an eatery close by his house...afta which we returned 2 his house, and left 4 my love's school...we hanged @ d common room...soon she returned 2 us with her room mate and course mate...afta which we took a stroll around d campus...she couldnt go to fellowship dat day...@ 20:00 hours d Island's tym, we depart 4 his house...ate bread with stew which he had...watched sports on paid television stations, prayed, talked and talked until sleep tooj off what was in our mouths and hands...
As early as 06:00 hours d island's tym, he left d house 4 d garage...gave me d keys 2 his house, which shal be left with my love when I am leaving...bc he usualy arrive monday mornings and will resume directly in his office... On saturde, she was with me, and then she asked some questions 4m me, a question out of it is d question one of her coursemates asked her and it was dat her course mate was approached by two friends, d two friends perhaps did not know of d 2nd's move...d lady did not know what to do? I told her dat d lady in question wil love one of d guy more dan d oda...she should get dat clear...d lady also knows what she wanted in life, which she feels n knows one of dem shal readily supply/fulfill more dan d 2nd person...d lady must also know dat, d two friends dat approached her invarably see some good attributes in her n feel d girl shdnt fall into wrong hands so to say...dat is if dey r morally upright persons... Then i told her dis short story...
"There were 2 jolly friends in a small village of Ayéariwi years ago...both of dem afta their secondary schl learnt a trade, dey learnt tailoring...one was not a success in d trade while d oda was. The person who succeeds in tailoring left Ayeariwi 4 anoda more populous town, dia God really assisted him, he built a house and bought a car... "Meanwhile d person who wasnt a success in tailoring resorted to farming in Ayeariwi...things were not too smooth 4 him...but he endured...meanwhile, dia was a lady in d village who after finishing schl also learnt hairdressing, she was also making waves in her profession, dis lady n dis farmer were brought together by providence, and dey became good friends,...d farmer loved her, but d farmer controller his urge, he did dat because he knew dat d lady @ d moment was richer than he did n dat he may not be able to control her...so d farmer brushed d love he had 4 her aside after sometimes...limiting it to friendship... During one of d festivals, d successful tailor came home with his car...heard of his friend dat he was yet in d village, visited him, re-ignited d friendship...dis successful tailor was yet single too...b4 he left Ayeariwi, dey met d lady...d tailor inquired 4m his friend what he knew abt d lady, n he told him all he knew 2 d best of his knowledge...simple, diligent, hardworking etc..."she is a wife material" d farmer concluded...d tailor said he will go 4 her...He went 2 her but d lady did not consented, she even told him never to come to her again, d man told his farmer friend his experience...tailor left 4 his base afta d festival... Later an aged woman invited dis farmr 4 a discussion n when he got 2 her she asked him about his wife or fianceé...none he replied...d woman said, dont u love d hairdresser? The farmer confided in d woman dat he loved her, but bc she is richer than him, he decided to leave her so dat sb who is rich as her and or richer dan her may get hooked to her... The woman asked him to try her dat he shdnt think dat way 4 who knows 2moro... The man then replied d woman dat his childhood friend, d tailor, d woman also knew dat guy, when he was around 4 d festival asked him about her, and dat he told him everything dat he knew about her, concluding dat she is a wife material...my friend went to her, but she did not consented, so if I now approached her, how wld it look? How wld my friend feel? What wil even be the thought of d lady? The woman said he shdnt think dat way, dat as a woman who had passed thru such stage, she knows women or ladies may love a friend but wouldnt love d oda friend..."ladies know whom dey want" she said...and maybe it is u dat d hairdresser loved, she asked him 2 try her... But wat wld be d reaction of my friend? A traitor? The woman said d lady did not even agree 2 ur friend's advances in d 1st place, so why d fear? And again, if ur friend is mature enof he wouldnt think dat way... Afta oda consultations, d farmer approached d lass...d lass too thought it was a set-up, so she consulted some elders in d land who took her to herbalists...all herbalists gotten to told her dat d farmer was her ordained husband by d gods of d land...but dat d problem d farmer had was dat he was afraid of d lady's status, her wealth, dat dat was why he introduced his friend 2 her to marry her so dat she wont fall into wicked hands...d herbalists added dat if she could be submissive to d farmer, she shall laugh last... The hairdresser went back 2 d farmer, asked him of his fianceé, d man replied dat he was yet on it,...d lady, hairdresser asked him dat if God says "I am d one, will u still marry me?" The man said certainly. Yes. And d woman said, she was ready 2 marry him...they started going out...and later got married...d rich tailor heard and was initially grieved...but later he got d details 4m a person, he was relieved..." So, I told my love, pls tell your friend to tell her spiritual leaders too for further clarifications...but such do happen occasionally...and d fact is, either she tells u d truth or not, she knows d person she loved most out of d duo...tell her to go for d person she loved most, d person who shall give her joy n rest..." other questions were asked...I attended her fellowship on sunde...d students were glad 2 have me in their midst..@ 15:00 hours am @ garage heading back 2 my base...got home around 18:00 hours...a lovely trip indeed dat enhances d continual flow of love's current...
TRANSLATIONS OF DIFFICULT WORDS
Sister Debbie says, "I do not know I can stop"...(July 6
th
, 2013)
buz' (translation business)
"O tún ti fẹ dá aáyun silẹ bayi", (translation I will start feeling your absence now)
"ó ga o"", (translation it is serious)
"Tara yin na la n sọ fun yin" (translation we are telling you what will be beneficial unto you)
"Ẹyin lẹ mọ...oju imọle ko kuro lọ́tí", (translation it is left to you…a muslim’s eyes does not leave beer (Muslims say it is a taboo for them to drink beer, but despite that the person is yet looking at the bottles/cups of beer (it is like a Proverb so to say that someone wants something but the person is behaving as if she or he doesn’t want that thing))
"dé"  (translation “de” means arrive. She is saying that her love has started to envy other males coming to her)
""Ẹyin laye yin shá, ẹ ti fẹ ma dẹru ba mi gan, ko ma tilẹ si nkan to mba yin lojiji"", (translation You. I am beginning to be afraid of you because it seems as if nothing cathches you unawares.)
"Rara ma. (translation No ma)
"Ẹ jọ" (translation Please) .
 "O ga ju"" (translation This is too much) he said. ""Ẹyin na la fi jọ" (translation In this, I have taken after you
"Ayò-ọlọ́pọ́n" (translation it is a local games played with local seeds. 12 holes will be dug/created on a plank of wood, in it the local seeds will be put, 4 seeds in each hole and it would be played to the right on both sides. However, in a hole with one or two seeds and the opposite person’s last seeds are dropped on those single or two seeds, the person is entitled to carry all the seeds in the opponents boxes/holes, meaning he won those… this is how it will continue until the seeds finished and the person with high number of seeds after the game is over is the winner)
Baba-Ijebu" (translation Ijebu Father (Ijebu is an area in the south western part of Nigeria, but there is a lottery in Nigeria being controlled by a man from that area, thus people are calling the lottery Ijebu Father)  
"Eh-ya, "ó pẹ́ to ti rí i gbẹhin"... "Ẹ ka bọ" (translation Oh sorry. It has been long you seen her last… welcome)
"Ẹ ku ile. Se alafia laba yin?" (translation. Thanks. I hope I meet you in peace?)
"Ẹyin tẹ fẹran isẹ oko bayi, ọrọ yin ma n ya mi lẹnu", (translation I am often surprised about some of You who do not like farm works or to go to farm)
"Tayò fun mi, awỌn ti mo n reti lo mbọ yẹn" (translation Play the game, those I am expecting are on their way)
"Gbà síbẹ̀, awọn to nreti ti de"" (translation Take this, this is the game of those being expected)  
"Ayò awọn to n reti leleyi o" (translation This is called the game of those being expected)  
"bi a se retí-retí ti eti lu lọjọsi niyẹn", (translation That is how we expected someone endlessly the other time but nothing)  
"Ma da wọN lohun a ò ni gba ki wọn o fi eti rire wọn ba aiye wa jẹ lorilẹ ede yi" (translation do not mind them, we will not allow them to spoil this nation and destroy our lives with expectation) .
 "Kilẹ wa fẹ se ti ẹ o bá gbà?" (translation What will you do if you don’t agree?)
"Olowo n sọrọ o ní o ní (translation a rich man is talking and you said you have)  
"Mi o mọ iru "ideases" ti olòsì fẹ ni lọdọ awọn olowo. (translation I don’t know the kind of idea a poor person will have before a rich person)  
"Ayò o olowo mo ba se mi o ba olosi se leleyi o...Ẹjọwọ se olówó lawọn ta n reti o?" (translation This is the game of I am a relative of a rich person… please are those people we are expecting rich?
, "mo ki òpè mo ki ọta o", (translation Regards to the champion and the losser) "Ope njẹ, ọta ti salọ sile baba rẹ". (translation Losser is answering or greeting you, but the champion has fled to his father’s house (the real answer should be champion is answering/replying you but the losser cannot or dare not talk))
"Ẹ kabọ sire, ẹ ku irin, se ọkọ ko jẹ epo?" (translation Welcome sir. How was the trip? I hope your vehicle does not consume fuel?)
chopulate" (translation consuming)
"a se o tilẹ gbọ Yoruba...o si ma pe ara rẹ lọmọ Oodua." (translation so you do not understand Yoruba and you will be calling yourself an Oodua or Yoruba child)
 Se o mọ wipe bi ọkọ ba ti njepo, ko gbádùn niyẹn? (translation don’t you know that when vehicle is consuming fuel it means the vehicle is not okay, the vehicle needs servicing)
ẹyin ti ẹ ti mọ isẹ dirẹba bayi, ayafi ki Ọlọrun gba wa lọwọ yin" (translation It is only God who will save us from those of you who are familiar with driver’s works)
"Ọrẹ́" (translation friend) ,
 "Iwọ tabi alaru rẹ? Ki i se ibiyi loni". (translation You or your servant? No way for you here today)  
""Se ayo to ti fẹrẹ pari yi?" (translation Is it this game or another
"na ni"" (translation is it)
"Ẹh-hẹn? (translation is that so?)
àbí ọrẹ" (translation isn’t that so my friend?) ,
"ọrẹ" (translation friend)
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emotionalmermaid16-blog · 7 years ago
Text
I had an ok day. I feel hopeful most days lately but I do have my dark depressing moments. I do have suicide related thoughts everyday and at the same time, I’m starting to be more hopeful. I can feel both ways at one time. I feel glimpses of hope.
I literally have no idea where I would be without my therapist. He has become the most precious thing to me. I hope others can have the chance to find that hope too. The thing I love the most is his understanding- more than anyone. And when I feel like no one will ever be able to get in my head and understand... he shows me different. I ask myself on a daily basis “what would (he) do” ... he’s like my God right now... and I love it because he’s a human who experiences emotion: pain, loss, sadness, happiness, laughter, love. He told me he would deeply be broken if I ever killed mysef. That I’m special and that he has an unconditional love for me. How many therapist tell you they really love you and care about you (and you truly believe them)? I’ve never experienced that before. His relationship means so much to me. I could never do that to him. His sense of understanding is everything I crave to have. I’m blessed... grateful *dj Khalid voice*
-theemotionalmermaid
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