#ok sometimes it’s useless but he always gives it his best shot

[songofwizardry]

honestly how did the human race survive before ibuprofen. genuinely unsure.

[high-functioning-lokipath]

SH - Sherlock x Depressed!Reader - With a Little Help from My Friends - Words: 2,793

IMPORTANT A/N - PLEASE READ: As stated in the title, this story contains discussions of depression. There is mention of suicidal thought and self-harm. I personally don't think it's too intense in it's descriptions HOWEVER!!! If this will trigger you, for your own health and safety please do not read. My messages are always open if you'd like to talk. I wrote this partially based on my own feelings so I can understand to at least a degree. You're amazing and I love you all. As far as this story goes, just remember: it has a happy, very fluffy ending but it doesn't start that way. I hope you enjoy it, feel free to leave a comment!

Brief Backstory: Reader is friends with John and Sherlock. She is a nurse who works with John. The three met shortly after Sherlock came back. Sherlock and Reader have crushes on each other but won't admit to it. I think the story explains everything else.

"Y/N, I'm going to be honest," John said, putting his hand on your shoulder comfortingly. "I may have PTSD but I cannot fully put myself in your shoes. My depression is different than yours." You had called your best friend, John Watson, in a mild panic. You had been feeling depressed for some time, as he knew, but that day had been especially bad. There was no particular reason but your depression had gotten so intense that you knew you needed help to get past this particular wave. John invited you over to 221B, assuring you that his flatmate would be out for the next couple of hours. "As a doctor, I am going to prescribe you some medication. Lowest dose possible and only because I want to help you get some immediate relief but I know you do not want them to become permanent. Let's work on finding another solution for you, ok?"

"I don't know, John," you replied. You'd asked John to be your Doctor since you didn't go to one regularly and he didn't mind your irregular checkups. "I've tried just about everything. The only outlet that seems to help is writing and even then," you trailed off, trying not to cry again. "This feeling just won't go away and I don't even know why it's there in the first place. I just want it to stop."

"I think you should talk to Sherlock."

"What?" You squeaked. "Why in the world would I talk to Sherlock?"

"I can't tell you why, Y/N. As both your Doctor and Sherlock's, I have to respect certain amounts of patient confidentiality. However, as your friend, I think you should talk to him."

"I don't know."

"Trust me," He replied. Smirking slightly, he added, "Doctor's orders."

"Ok, John," you chuckled. He smiled and hugged you. "Thanks."

"Now how about we go and fill this prescription and then maybe get some ice cream?"

"Well, honestly," you sighed. "The ice cream sounds great but I didn't sleep well last night. I was actually wondering if I could just take a nap here for a bit. I sleep better here sometimes." You blushed but John nodded understandingly.

"Of course," He replied. "I'll run down to the drugstore and fill this for you. Meanwhile you get some rest. I'll let Sherlock know you're here just in case he ends up getting back before I do. Will you be ok by yourself?"

"Yeah," You smiled. "This is a safe space for me. I'll go grab a blanket. Thanks again."

"Don't mention it. Just remember, talk to him."

"I'll try."

About 15 minutes later, Sherlock arrived back at the flat. He'd gotten John's texts.

John: If you get home in the next 45 minutes, be quiet. Y/N is over and she's taking a nap. I have to run out for something.

Sherlock: Is everything ok? - SH

John: She said she had a bad night.

Sherlock: She must have had a reason to come over in the first place though. - SH

John: She's going to need to tell you that herself. Don't ask. Do you understand me? Let her tell you. Be nice, ok?

Sherlock: When am I not nice to Y/N? - SH

John: Ok, that is true. You like her too much to be rude to her. If you could just hold back your deductions for one second I will say this: you two have more in common than you think.

He hurried home, not to wake you up of course, but because he wanted to see you. If there was something seriously wrong, he wanted to try and brace himself for it first. He couldn't help the smile playing at the corner of his lips when he thought of you. You two were good friends, that much was obvious to everyone. But Sherlock could see the potential for something more. He liked you a lot. You were just as smart, sassy, and sarcastic as he was. But you also could be extremely kind and caring to others and especially to him. He still didn't quite understand why you cared for him so but he was grateful. Before he could dwell on that too much longer, he arrived at 221B.

He quietly slipped inside and smiled at what he saw. You were curled up on the couch, sleeping like a baby. Apparently, though, you'd kicked off the blanket you had grabbed. Instead of picking up the blanket, he decided to take off his long coat and carefully lay that over you. You quickly cuddled into the warm fabric, unconsciously taking a deep breath, inhaling his unique signature left behind on the coat. Satisfied with what he'd done, he took off his suit jacket and went to the kitchen to prepare some tea for when you woke up. He knew you had a favorite tea and, unless John moved it or drank it all, there still would be some in the cupboard.

You woke to the smell of your favorite tea and a hushed exclamation from the kitchen. Opening your eyes slowly you saw Sherlock in at the counter trying to set up a tray with the teapot and cups. Recognizing your surroundings a bit more, you realized what was on top of you. Sherlock was just about to bring out the tray but you decided to pretend you were still asleep. The chances of fooling the Detective were low, but you wanted to try.

"There," He whispered to himself, setting the tray on the coffee table. You could hear him settling down on his chair, likely getting into his 'palace pose' as you called it. For a moment you were happy. You had actually gotten some quality sleep, you were currently cuddled up in Sherlock's famous coat and Sherlock had even made you tea. But that feeling quickly faded. Tears threatened to spill out of your still closed eyes as self-deprecating thoughts filled your mind.

'John probably told him to make me tea. He probably covered me with his coat so I wasn't as much of a distraction. He doesn't want me here. He never does. Why does he even tolerate my presence? He probably wishes we'd never met,' You thought. Your mind was going a million miles an hour and gaining. Without your notice, the tears began rolling down your cheeks and quiet sobs escaped your lips.

"Y/N?" Sherlock whispered. You're eyes shot open. You hadn't heard him get up. Now he was kneeling right next to you, one hand hovering over your arm. "Are you ok?"

"Oh, Sherlock!" You cried. "I-I wish I knew."

"C'mere," he said, motioning for you to sit up. Once you did so, he pulled you into a tight hug.

"What's this for?"

"You always give me and John a hug when you see us. You haven't done so for the past 5 days. I-" he paused briefly before lowering his voice and continuing. "I missed it."

"Oh." You weren't quite sure how to reply to that. You leaned into his embrace, letting yourself get lost in the moment.

"Y/N? Is there something I can do to help?"

"How much did John tell you?" You asked. You wouldn't have been mad exactly if John had told Sherlock to talk to you, but you wanted to think Sherlock was reaching out on his own.

"He told me you had a bad night."

"That's all?" You asked, surprised. You pulled away slightly and stared into his eyes. Sherlock nodded, frowning slightly as he tried to deduce you.

"Why are you afraid to talk to me?" You turned away, embarrassed and unsure what to say. "Be honest."

"I don't want you to make fun of me. I have-" You took a deep breath, steeling your nerves and preparing to just jump right in. "I have been extremely depressed lately and I didn't want to hear another speech about how all I need to do is exercise and eat right and stop thinking about sad things. Well you know what? I can't stop it! I can't help it if I feel like a useless pile of trash that should be thrown in the bin and burned." By the time you finished your little tirade, you'd gotten up and started pacing the floor. Then you turned and faced Sherlock. His expression was neutral but there was an obvious sadness in his eyes, one you didn't expect to see. It wasn't of pity. If you had seen that you also would have given up on the conversation. No, it was almost an understanding, an empathy. His eyes were actually glistening with tears.

"Have you ever felt like," he paused, voice unsteady. "Like giving up?" He whispered, unable to hold eye contact. You nodded silently. He got up slowly and walked towards you. At first, you thought he would hug you again but then he started unbuttoning his shirt.

"Uh, Sherlock?"

"Just wait a moment. I want to show you something." He carefully shrugged off the purple shirt that you, admittedly, loved so much and tossed it on the chair. "Only one person knows about this. You will be the second. You remember I told you about Moriarty's network?"

"Yes, the day we met. I asked you about your work, a simple question. And I got an answer that lasted 3 hours." Sherlock chuckled dryly.

"Yeah, sorry about that."

"Oh, no. Please don't apologise. I-" You sighed, rubbing your forehead. "I tend to make jokes when I'm nervous."

"I know." He smiled at you with, yet again, a completely unreadable expression. "You remember though." You nodded, opting to stay silent as he explained. "Well, those 2 years dismantling his network weren't easy. Not physically and certainly not emotionally. As a result of the different missions, I received many wounds on my body in various locations. I was," He paused, took a deep breath, and closed his eyes. "I was depressed, guilt-stricken and suicidal. I figured I had hurt my friends enough. If they thought I was dead maybe I should just go on with it."

"What changed your mind?"

"I didn't want to do it on a mission. I wanted to see home again one more time. So to temporarily relieve the pain I," He sighed. Well, I wouldn't let my wounds heal. I'd pick at them. Mycroft finally convinced me to come back officially because he needed my help. I never told him about this. I think he knows but we don't discuss it." He looked down, obviously embarrassed and feeling more emotionally naked than physically. "You can look," he said. It was as if he'd read your mind. You were trying to be respectful and not stare but you realized that's what he wanted to show you. You had, on occasion, seen him shirtless before but you had never realized how bad some of the scars were.

"Sherlock, I-I don't know what to say. I-" You were completely shocked. Not offended. But actually comforted that he understood you. "Thank you," You finally said.

"Actually I wanted to thank you. I didn't just show you this to prove that I understand your feelings." You looked at him confused. "The day we met. You were leaving work, correct?" You nodded.

"It had been my first day there. John had been happy with my work and requested that I stay assigned to his office permanently. John had already finished up and headed home but there was some paperwork I had to finish so I was leaving about an hour late. Come to think of it, John said he had plans with you that evening. Why were you there?"

"That's what I wanted to tell you. I met you less than a month after I came back. I had still been quite depressed so I was still picking at my injuries. That day had been a bad day for me. So I cancelled my plans with John and I decided to go back to where I started this whole mess and finish it."

"Wait, are you telling me that-"

"You saved my life." Sherlock took one of your hands in his own and held it tightly. "I had memorized the work schedules of most everyone there and knew how to slip in unnoticed."

"But you didn't factor in me."

"Correct. When I ran into you, quite literally in fact, as I was entering the building, I was surprised. Not just by your presence but by what I deduced about you. You intrigued me. I had to find out more about you so I invited you to have a cup of coffee with me."

"Which turned into dinner." Sherlock nodded. "And since you were so intrigued by me, you forgot all about that."

"In a manner of speaking. You weren't a cure-all, mind you. You helped, though, by giving me a new mystery to investigate: you. That night, when I got home, I told John everything. He helped me too and when I mentioned you he couldn't stop singing your praises. He is very proud of you and your work you know."

"Yeah, I guess so," You replied, a little embarrassed. "Thank you, Sherlock. I'm sorry that you went through all that, but, I'm glad I have someone who understands. And I'm glad you're here to help me."

"Me too, Y/N. Me too," He replied.

"Can I, um, can I have another hug?" You asked, blushing and smiling. Sherlock rolled his eyes.

"If you must," He sighed, holding his arms out. Any other day, you would have thought he genuinely didn't want personal contact. But today you realized he was simply teasing. You wrapped your arms around his waist and leaned your head on his chest. You felt him relax as he leaned forward a little to cocoon you in his arms. "I care about you, Y/N. I don't care about many people but you mean so much to me. I-" You looked up at him and pressed a finger to his lips to quiet him.

"You don't have to say it, Sherlock. I know." He smiled and looked somewhat relieved. You knew he wasn't good with feelings and that was fine with you. "I love you too."

"I wanted to be the first one to say that," He pouted. You chuckled softly and booped his nose.

"You already have." He smiled and kissed your forehead lightly.

"I know this won't fix everything right away. I know you'll still have bad days. But I wanted you to know you could come to me too."

"I know. Thank you again, Sherlock." At that moment, John walked in with a bag from the store.

"Oh, hello!" He chirped, happy to see you hadn't gotten into a yelling match. Then he noticed Sherlock's shirt, or rather, lack thereof. "So, uh," He stuttered, unsure of what to say. "What should I do with this?"

"First of all, thank you, John, for giving me the guts to talk to him about this. And second, I think I'll give it a try. You know, to try and prevent a really bad day when you guys aren't available or if talking still isn't enough. But for today I think I'll be alright," You said, turning to John with a smile.

"Well, I'm glad. So did you just talk about that or did he finally tell you that he's had the biggest schoolboy crush on you from the moment he met you?"

"John!" Sherlock yelled. You laughed loudly.

"Not in those words exactly, John," You replied. "Don't worry," You added, turning to Sherlock and ruffling his curls. "Your secret's safe with me."

"Good. Now if you don't mind, I need your input on this case."

"Me?" You asked, quite surprised.

"Yes," He said as if it was obvious. "You're a woman after all!"

"And that is important because?"

"The killer was a woman obviously but I can't understand why she would do it!" The two of you went off into your own little world, completely ignoring John as he cooked dinner.

John: Ok, mates, get your tuxs out. Won't be long now.

Greg: He finally proposed? 😀

John: Not yet, give it a week.

Mycroft: John, you forget I monitor his spending habits.

John: And?

Mycroft: He's had a ring purchased for some time now.

Greg: 3 days tops.💍

Mycroft: I would estimate about 3 days as well, Detective Inspector.

Greg: We're in a Group Text. Talking about our friend like a bunch of teenage girls at a slumber party. I think you can call me Greg.

Mycroft: If I must.

John: So, girls, will you help me make the plans?

Mycroft: Of course. He is blood after all.

Greg: Count me in! Wouldn't miss it! 🕵️👰

Sherlock BBC Taglist

@lucywrites02

@delightfulheartdream

@bartv21

@another-crazy-fangirl

@ladylulu143

@gaitwae

@for-hearthand-home

[pure-kirarin]

Slow & Steady [P2] [Sabo x f!reader] (+18)

Genre : Romance - Smut - Bestfriends to lovers General warnings : Alcohol consumption - Dark themes - Swearing - S m u t - possessiveness - Mention of ex-relationships - jealousy

A/N : This is really different from my usual writing style but I am experimenting. Please tell me your thoughts and don’t hesitate to ask to be added to the tag list :) AO3 : https://archiveofourown.org/works/31877203?view_full_work=true

In the last chapter --  «-Enough playing now, you're going to sleep. -B-but ! This wasn't what I asked for....You're really a coward after all...You virgin... » He carried you to his room, putting you on the bed and sitting next to you. «-I'd love to prove you wrong. However, it would be better if you were in a state where you'd be able to recall how good I am. If you want me to fuck you this badly then maybe ask me when you're sober.

Part I - Part II

Part II  -Yeah yeah...Pff..You're no fun Sabo. Things were finally getting interesting ! »

He smiled seeing that you were now calmer. You started to yawn and bury your face in his pillow. He loved to see you getting so comfortable in his room. He really needed a cold shower after your little show.  -Goodnight (Y/N). I'll sleep on the couch. You can get comfortable. -Are you crazyy ? You gonna leave me alone like this ? Let's sleep together~ -Come on (Y/N), you're a big girl. You could sleep alone for one night, would you ? Translation : I don't want to spend the whole night with a semi. And you're dangerously flirty, and I have wanted you for years and now I have to abstain.

-Pleaaaase. You said looking at him with puppy eyes. He rolled his eyes placing a hand in his hair. God.damn.it.

You won again. Like every time. * * *  You opened your eyes hardly next day, feeling something hard against your thigh. You looked at the ceiling

Oh...I am not in my room...Where the fuck am I ?

you turn around only to discover the embodiment of Adonis to your side. A light beam was lighting up Sabo's face. He looked like an angel as his beauty couldn't be that of a human.

Was he always this handsome ?

You didn't know, in fact, you have never had the occasion to wake up in his bed. Wait, in his bed ? This realization came slowly as your head was still foggy from yesterday's consumption.

You looked down, the thing that was pressing against your leg was indeed :

his thing.

You frowned, blushed, pulled away, put a hand on your lips repressing an internal scream, all of this in around three seconds. You then tried to calm down, telling yourself that it was very normal for a man to experience this kind of morning unconviniences, and that Sabo was a man, after all. Even if  you have always seen him as a bestfriend, he was still a man that is capable of physical attraction.

Now that this internal monologue was done with, you felt a bit calmer, but that didn't answer your question. You got out of bed, trying to recall what happened after going in the bar. And it came back. All of it. Without any mercy for your feelings.

You wanted the ground to swallow you whole. Your only wish was to disappear which meant : calling Nami. You headed out of the house, not even having the courage to face your bestfriend.

« Namiiiii -Uh ? What's the matter ? -I fucked up. I fucked up really bad. -Oh yeah ? Tell me about it. -Wait, why do you seem excited ? -O-oh I'm not excited. Come on tell me. What else could you have possibly done ? -I asked Sabo to fuck me. -Wait what ? You could hear Vivi ask Nami about what happened and her answering « She asked Sabo to fuck her ». -Nami ! Don't go on telling everyone about this. I'm on my way. -For starters, Vivi isn't « everyone », she's my girlfriend. And I'm here waiting for you to tell me what happened. -Wait, I'll come at your place. This can't be discussed over the phone. »

You hung up on her. Ten minutes later, you were at her place. Extremely confused. Nami was painting her nails bright red on the bed while Vivi was sitting comfortably on a chair. You let your whole body weight fall on a lounge pug, tourmented.  «-So tell me how you and Sabo ended up fucking. She emphasized the last word in a way that made you almost choke on air.  -We didn't actually. Nami and Vivi both sighed in a synchronized « Ah » of disappointment. -So hmm...I don't remember clearly. I was really drunk-- well that you're aware of and...And Sabo didn't want to leave me alone so we went to his place. Ace was at Thatch's so we were alone. We hugged and he comforted me. Then I started teasing him, and I don't know what I was thinking, but I kissed him, and then I asked him to fuck me. -Wow that escalated quickly. Said Nami as she continued painting her nails.

-Well, I was heartbroken, I needed something, someone, and he was there, and you know Sabo, he's a good guy ! I don't know what's worse, the fact that I asked him to fuck me or the fact that he said no.

-Oh god I'm so so sorry

- Nami please don't make things worse for me.

-No offense, but you're so dense. Sabo has always been into you. Do you want him, or do you not ? I know that going right into a relationship after a breakup is a bad idea. But honestly it's worth giving it a shot. He's a really good guy. Try dating someone nice for once.

-I don't know, he has something unsettling about him. Like « almost too good to be true » you know ? Added Vivi.

-Ohhh~ I see. Honestly, I always thought that he was a bit prude and hella vanilla. I mean, yes, he's my best friend. But he has never talked about girls to me or about sexual stuff. So I just assumed that. I never thought that he'd be packin' like that. You said as you popped a lollipop in your mouth.

-Ah ? Was it really that impressive ? asked Nami, genuinely curious.

-Yeah. On a scale from 0 to doflamingo he's a solid eight point seventy five. (*)

-Oh gosh. I understand why you're so worked up now.

-That's really...precise. Added Vivi, a bit horrified.

(*) [ The dear reader might need this clarification ; Doflamingo was Law's uncle, he sometimes came to pick him up after uni with his luxurious lamborghini. He wore extremely tight pants that left little to the imagination. And he was most known among your clique for having a nine incher. It was a running joke wether to know if Law got his uncle's genes. Needless to say that this joke wasn't to Law's taste. Now back to our adorable Y/N. ]

-So. I really don't know what to do. I am still heartbroken. -And horny. Added the ginger. -Yeah, that too. I'm afraid of ruining our friendship. -Listen dear, said Nami as she was closing the nail polish bottle, if you're not going for it, someone else would. And trust me, that girl Koala is upping her game. She's going to steal him right in front of your eyes, just like this - and she snapped her fingers. -Oh, and then, you can forget about being « best friends ». Said Vivi adding fuel to the fire. -Yeah, once he's gonna start dating, he won't have too much time for you-- and then, that Koala girl, my god, she seems extremely possessive ! -No way, your voice was detached, trying to act is if you weren't worried, Sabo has never dated any girl before.- -Yes but he seems to get along with that girl. And to be honest, she's kinda cute.

-Nami ! Vivi pinched her forearm playfully, pretending to be jealous.

-That hurt ! And don't be jealous, you know that you're my only one~

-Hmm...I prefer that. Vivi laughed. You started caughing reclaiming for their attention.

-Attention please ! We're discussing my dick-appointment here.

-Jesus you're really annoying, (Y/N), just go for it already.

-How much did he pay you to tell me this huh ?

-What ? He didn't pay me ! You're just always getting your heart broken. I'm just trying to be a good friend.

-Say that you are trying to get rid of her~ Jokes Vivi.

-Vivi, don't expose me like this- Nami plays along while laughing.

-I hate you girls ! You say as you throw a pillow on Nami. The ginger starts complaining that you messed her Nail polish, and the whole scene metamorphosed into a pillow fight.

* * *

You spent the whole day with the girls, chit-chatting about boys and girls and playing stupid games. You felt way more comfortable now, less ashamed. However, you were surprised because you didn't get a message from your bestfriend. You wondered wether he was mad at you, it wasn't in his habits.

You decided to message Ace [click for conversation] [ (Y/N) : Heyy amigo is Sabo ok ? Did he tell u smth abt yesterday ? Ace : Ouch, your hurting my feelings, </3 Only talking to me to ask about my brother~ Yea hes okay why tho ? (Y/N) : Ooo kay. He's home ? Ace : He is. Why don't u directly text him ? (Y/N) : Don't tell him I asked. Btw I didn't forget about those 10 bucks you « borrowed » from me. Give it back.] He didn't answer. You sighed and decided to go see Sabo to settle things down. It was the first time that you were embarrassed to see your best friend. You dressed up in a black skirt and t shirt. You didn't usually pay attention to your looks when you went to hang out at Sabo's, but you were really stressed out and what the girls have said about Koala made you scared of losing him. After all, you had some abandonment issues. You had to settle this down once and forever. You arrived at the guy's place, it was an apartment not so far from your own student flat. You knocked on the door and Ace opened : -Ohhh, (Y/N), he whistles, lookin' like a girl today huh ? -What are you implying you dumbass ? Where's Sabo ? -He's in his room with Koala.- -Wait what ? Koala ? What is she doing here ? Ace raised an eyebrow then said amused ; -I don't know, go ask him yourself. -You're useless as usual. -Always so sweet. You on your period or something ? -I didn't forget about my twenty bucks by the way. -I said I'm goin' to pay you back alright ? Now go talk to Sabo. You and Ace were always teasing each other in a brotherly way, but in reality, he really cared for you, it was just your usual way of communication. But it was true that knowing that Koala was in Sabo's room put you in a bad mood. You knocked on the door with a knot in your stomach. Did they start dating ? Was Sabo interested in her ? These ideas were torturing you. But why did you care anyways ? It was none of your business. He could date whoever he wants. You opened the door but there was only Sabo relaxing on his bed, still fully clothed. « - Sabo ?-Oh, (Y/N), what brings you here ? -Why ? Do I need a reason to see my best friend ? He sits on bed looking at you. He doesn't fail to notice your cute outfit, it was different from your usual sweatpants and hoodies, the way it complemented your figure was almost too much for him. Just that sight was driving him insane, but his face didn't betray his emotions, like always, he acted friendly, not an ounce of lust in his dark ebony eyes. You took place next to him. He smelled good, you thought. The same fresh minty smell as last time. Did he always smell this good ? -(Y/N) ?Huh ? Is everything okay ? His voice seemed concerned.He cared for you. And you had those stupid immature and posessive thoughts. Get a grip of yourself, (Y/N), you thought. -Oh yea-- wasn't Koala here ? Ace told me you were with her.

You tried so hard to act like you didn't care, but he knew you like the back of his hand. But still, he played along. -Hmm..Yes. She just left. I was going out as well. He says with a sweet smile, looking at his watch. You couldn't help but make a disappointed face. -But Sabo I wanted to - I'm really sorry (Y/N), let's talk later. He ruffles your hair and you close your eyes as he does so. You felt stressed out. What happened exactly ? You felt intimidated in his presence for the first time. You wanted him to stay and talk this out. It was a bit awkward for you now. You never thought too much. As he was going out of the room you held the fabric of his coat tight in your hand ; -Sabo- -Hum ? Need me to drop you somewhere ? -N-no. You let his sleeve go, realizing what you have just done, I'll stay a bit then go back home. Don't worry about me. -Alright then. See you later ? -Yeah. See ya. ]

You looked at Sabo go away and you followed him shortly after. Meanwhile Ace was sitting on the couch and watching some movies. You went back home and was quite tormented. It wasn't the right time to worry as you had your assignments and studies to deal with. On one hand, you didn't even have the time to think of your ex boyfriend and his cheating but on the other, you felt like you were let down by Sabo. But why ? He didn't do anything. He just found himself a new friend and a potential new girlfriend.

He didn't even talk about her, but why where you so upset by him meeting her ? After all, he had the right to date just like you always did.

A few days have passed and you didn't get the chance to talk to Sabo. Your exams were getting closer and closer and you didn't feel ready.

Usually, Sabo would help you with your assignments but you were too scared to ask. You realized how much you relied on him and how he has been always there for you.

Who were you exactly to him ?

Maybe you took him for granted.

As you were on your bed looking at the ceiling and trying to collect every drop of motivation in your system to study, you heard your phone ring. It was Sabo's ringtone ! ----- Tag list : @vemuabhi @chloe-abbacchio @mwls-garden @soanywaysistartedsimping If you wanna get tagged just ask for it :)

[chelsie-fan-55]



‘Oldies are doing well’ Phyllis Logan hails older generations as Downton helps BritsDOWNTON Abbey star Phyllis Logan says it was “fabulous” to be reunited with the cast and production crew to shoot a second film due out early next year. The sequel follows on from the events of the first film released two years ago, which was set in 1927 with Robert and Cora Crawley, the Earl and Countess of Grantham, receiving a visit from King George V and Queen Mary during a royal tour of Yorkshire. Filming of the second film, which sees Dominic West, Hugh Dancy and Laura Haddock join original stars including Dame Maggie Smith, Hugh Bonneville, Michelle Dockery and Elizabeth McGovern, started at Highclere Castle in Hampshire in April and finished in June. Phyllis, 65, who has portrayed Downton housekeeper Mrs Hughes in all six series of the original ITV drama and reprised the role for both films, said: “It was fabulous to be reunited with the cast again, we had such a lovely time, but it was over far too quickly. “During the six seasons that we did (for TV) we usually started filming in the February and finished in the autumn, so we had a good six months of each other, and now it is curtailed into a matter of weeks, so it was done a bit too quickly but we had a great time. “There is lots of nice, really fun stuff in it, I must say and some lovely star turns.” Phyllis, who is also the narrator of fly-on-the-wall TV show The Highland Vets, which starts its fourth series on Channel 5 tomorrow (MON) night, believes period dramas like Bridgerton and Downton have provided much-needed escapism during the past 18 months of the Covid-19 pandemic. She says: “With the likes of Downton Abbey it looks so magnificent, the costumes are magnificent and the mores of the time are different where you don’t air-kiss and have to be suited and booted, and straight-laced, well certainly outwardly.. who knows what they got up to behind closed doors. “But we try to show some of this too and the public just can’t get enough of this type of costume drama. “Everyone has been bingeing or re-bingeing on their favourite shows just to give them a sense of normality. “If you can watch Bridgerton, if you can watch Downton Abbey, or your favourite comedy show, you think the world is ok now, or get a sense that life is continuing in a fashion.” Downton has also led the way in using older actors in prominent roles at a time when TV and film has been criticised for being ageist. Phyllis says: “It’s been fabulous and long may this continue. With Dame Maggie (Smith), Dame Penelope (Wilton), myself and Jim Carter, the oldies are doing well.” Her husband Kevin McNally, who is also 65, is best known for portraying Joshamee Gibbs in all five Pirates of the Caribbean films but joined the cast of Downton for its second series on ITV as Horace Bryant. Phyllis says: “It was nice to have my husband in Downton as well but it was very peculiar the way it happened. “He was on set at one point and said I have just been offered this job and I said ‘oh, what is it?’ And he said Downton Abbey, and I said ‘very funny, what’s the job?’ And he said Downton Abbey and I said ‘oh come on, I haven’t got time, I’ve got to go back on set’. And he was being serious. “They did not even tell me they were going to offer it to him and I thought they should have run it past me first, surely.” She adds: “And it ended up with most of the scenes we were involved in being together, which was unusual. “In normal circumstances as he was playing a posh person and I was playing the housekeeper as usual, I thought our paths would never cross but the way the storyline worked we were always together. “So sometimes we got picked up in a car together to bring us to the castle and it felt like ‘bring your husband to work day’, so I thought ‘what is going on?’” Phyllis, who also starred as Lady Jane Felsham in Lovejoy with Ian McShane for eight years, met Kevin, who portrayed Bernard Ingham in The Crown last year, when they co-starred in mini-series Love and Reason in 1994. Since then they had only appeared together in short films and an episode of comedy show Rab C Nesbitt until their joint stint in Downton, but Phyllis says she would be happy to work together again in the future. And Kevin’s help was vital when it came to recording the narration for The Highland Vets, which follows the vets, nurses and receptionists at DS McGregor & Partners veterinary practice in Thurso, Caithness, as they treat animals in the remote northern tip of the UK mainland. After recording the first couple of episodes of series one in a studio in London’s Soho, Phyllis has been forced to do her narrations since the first lockdown in March last year from the study of her home in west London. She says: “Kevin was my sound engineer for the Highland Vets. They sent all this equipment and I was so useless at using it that Kevin was thankfully around and on hand to be my sound engineer.” The fourth series of the Highland Vets, which contains seven hour-long episodes, starts with the vets treating a young Common seal spotted struggling on a beach by a walker. She adds: “I haven’t done many narrations. I enjoy this one because it is such a lovely programme, there is always something different cropping up, so it is a pleasure to do it.” As a result of the repeated lockdowns for the pandemic she has yet to travel up to Caithness to meet the staff at the vets. But Prince Charles did pay them a visit during a two-day tour of Scotland, where he is known as the Duke of Rothesay, at the end of last month (JULY). Unfortunately the TV cameras were not there at the time but wearing a kilt, he was welcomed by senior vet and director Guy Gordon, who introduced him to his team, including Katie Reiss, 22, who had only started work a few days earlier. Ms Reiss said: “It’s an unorthodox start to work! We spoke about my training at Edinburgh University and chatted about how the vets have been really helpful integrating me into work. “He (Charles) said to stick at it and not lose hope because I have wanted to be a vet since I was a wee kid.” Guy says: “We felt honoured that Prince Charles was keen to visit our veterinary practice to meet the staff and learn about what we do. “He stayed with us for about 45 minutes chatting about aspects of our work with genuine interest and insight. “The light drizzle didn’t dampen this special occasion nor cause him to hurry, he took time to engage with everyone. “So they have the royal seal of approval.” She adds she loves getting to see The Highland Vets before anyone else to do its narration. “There are a few sad bits that do not go to plan but it is so heartfelt.. and the fact that they are in that location which is absolutely spectacular, that they all love it, they love their lives, their jobs, their workmates, their animals. “It’s just beautiful and lovely and life-affirming stuff, even when things go wrong.” Phyllis also stars in a film, The Last Bus, with Timothy Spall which they shot two years ago but has just been released. It tells the story of an old man whose wife has just died using his free bus pass to travel to the other end of the UK, where they originally lived, with her ashes in a small suitcase. She will also be seen in the second series of BBC drama Guilt, which is due to air later this year. *The new series of The Highland Vet starts tomorrow at 9pm on 5Select. Source: Sunday Express

[softholand]

gingerbread kisses - t.h

pairing: tom holland x youtuber!reader

warnings: a lot of dialogue and some good old festive fluff

words: 2.5k

a/n: this is like a part two of my youtuber!reader series, it can also be read on it’s one but if you haven’t read chocolate kisses yet, you can do it here i really hope you guys enjoy it and please let me know what you think!! ✨

It was another normal workday at your flat, you had all your lights and camera set in your living room, ready to start filming. Today’s video was going to be a Q&A with a special guest, Tom Holland.

It was expected that your baking video with him was going to be one of the most successful ones, but you weren’t expecting the number of views that, to this day, a whole month later, kept coming.

With so many comments almost begging you to bring him to your channel again, you finally gave in and asked him to do a Q&A with you, but since it was the end of the year and Christmas was just around the corner, you decided that, while you answered your viewer's questions, you two could build gingerbread houses.

“Tom, where are you? I’m about to start this without you!” You shouted from the living room floor, where you were seated. “I’m coming, I just had to get something before,” Tom answered, appearing in front of you, wearing a ridiculously ugly Christmas jumper, making you burst out laughing.

“Oh my God! Where did you get that?” You asked, trying to recover from your fit of laughing. “Oh, don’t worry, darling! There’s one for you too!” He stated, taking an identical jumper from behind him.

“You’re not letting me get out of this, are you?” You questioned, sighing when you saw him shake his head. Once you took your (his) hoodie out, replacing it with the ugly sweater, you were finally ready to start recording.

“Hi guys, welcome back to another video! This week we have a special guest that you guys have been asking since our last video together.” You said, giving Tom time to sit next to you. “It’s Tom!”

“It’s me!” He exclaimed, smiling at the camera. “This time we’re not baking anything but, since Christmas is almost here, I thought it was a good idea for us to build some gingerbread houses!” You said, pointing to the kits you had bought on your last trip to the grocery store.

“It’s been so long since I’ve done this!” Tom smiled, clearly excited to start. “But, instead of just sitting here, I asked you guys on Instagram to send some questions so we could answer while doing our houses. What do you think?” You questioned, looking at him.

“Dangerous… but fun!” He said, making you laugh. “So, we have the Christmas tree with the lights on, it’s starting to snow outside, I’ve made us some hot chocolate and of course, we cannot forget our ugly sweaters, courtesy of Tom.” You grinned.

“You’re welcome!” He praised, making you roll your eyes. “I’d said we’re ready to start.” You announced, to which he gave you two thumbs-ups.

Once you had taken the house out of its package, you laid all the biscuit parts in front of you, Tom doing the same beside you.

“So, the first question is “What’s your best/worst memory together?” You let them know while putting the baking glue on your biscuit. “Do you wanna start?” Tom offered, to which you shrugged. “It’s okay, you can go first.” You said, seeing that he already had the answer at the tip of his tongue.

“Best memory is your twentieth birthday party.” He stated, without taking his eyes out of his project. “Why?” You asked, also concentrating on building the house.

“C’mon, y/n! You know why!” Tom finally looked up, making kissy lips to you. “Tom! It’s supposed to be a surprise for the end of the video!” You whined, earning a chuckle from him. “Okay, fine! I’ll behave!” He said, making you laugh this time.

“I think my favorite memory of us is at the Far From Home premiere party! We had so much fun!” Tom declared, making you smile. “Yeah, that was nice!” You agreed, thinking about your favorite memory with Tom. “Mine is probably when we went to New York, I loved that trip!” You confessed, remembering all the crazy things you and Tom did back then.

“Yeah, that was a good one!” Tom agreed, smiling at you. “Worst one has to be the time paparazzi locked us outside of that restaurant. It was awful, I honestly thought I was gonna die that day.” You remembered, feeling chills cover your body. “Yeah, same!” The boy next to you answered, clearly feeling down just thinking about that event, so you made sure to quickly change the subject and ask the next question.

“So, the next question is, what was your best trip?” You asked, motioning for Tom to go first. “Mine has to be Bali, I loved that place and I’m dying to go back.” He stated. “Tell me about it, I was so jealous when you guys went there!” You whined, remembering the photos he kept texting you. “What about you, y/n?”

“Oh, 100% Christmas in New York!” You told him, without even having to think. “It was magical!” You smiled, remembering the trip like it was yesterday.

“Nice! I never spent Christmas in New York!” Tom commented, before going for the next question. “What’s the other Starbucks order?” He asked, taking a sip of his hot chocolate.

“Yours is tea!” You said, rolling your eyes. “Hey, I drink coffee too!” Tom uttered. “Rarely! Most of the time is Chai Latte or a Royal English Breakfast Tea.” You stated and of course, Tom had to agree.

“Yeah, you’re right! I should try more of their stuff. But you also always get the same, White Chocolate Mocha or Peppermint Hot Cocoa at this time of the year.” Tom listed, making you smile knowing that he knew your drink orders.

“But it’s just soooo good! I can’t help it!” Tom chuckled, before passing your phone back to you for the next question. “That’s a good one, who’s the messier one?” You questioned. “I don’t even think I have to answer this, you guys realized that from our last video together!” You declared, making you both laugh.

“Ok, I’ll give you this one. I’m pretty messy! But I’m trying to get better at it, I promise!” Tom added, to which you chuckled. “My house is built, now I just have to decorate!” You announced, making Tom gasp by your side. “What?! There’s no way! I’m still trying to make these walls stick together.” He whined, making you chuckle.

“That’s because you’re not using enough glue, look, you have to put a straight line across the whole biscuit, otherwise it won’t stick.” You told him, showing exactly how to do it. “But the glue it’s showing on the other side.” He reasoned. “It doesn’t matter, Tom! We’ll just make it look like snow. See?” You pointed to your own house and he nodded, going back to work, focused on finishing it so he could start decorating.

“Next question, what’s the most useless talent you have?” Tom asked, already laughing. “Mine is really stupid but I can put my feet on top of my head,” Tom stated, demonstrating exactly what he was saying, almost knocking everything that was on the table in front of you off.

“That’s not a talent, you’re just flexible.” You rolled your eyes, to which he laughed. “You’re only saying this because you’re jealous you can’t do it.” He smirked, clearly trying to get on your nerves. “Shut up, I have a much better one, I can lick my elbow.” You said, also showing your completely useless talent. “That’s… weirdly impressive.” Tom expressed making you both laugh.

When Tom was finally done building his house, he joined you and started to decorate. You told him and your viewers that you were going for more of a white Christmas theme, while Tom expressed his desire to make the house as colorful as possible.

“Tom, I think the next question is for you.” You gave him a look, before continuing. “What is the dumbest way you’ve been injured?” He gasped, putting one of his hands over his chest while you laughed. “Why are you coming for me today?” The brown-haired boy asked, pretending to be offended.

“I’m sorry, but how many times have you broken your nose while filming?” You asked once you had stopped laughing. “Three, actually, two and a half, the last one wasn’t a complete fracture.” He explained, trying to not make a fool out of himself.

“Well, I’ve never injured myself badly, just some paper cuts, which for me it’s very dumb.” You mentioned. “See? Your answer is dumber than mine and still, I get the title.” Tom shook his head, making you laugh. “So, taking a break from the questions, what are you doing with your house?” You questioned, taking a moment to observe his work.

“I’m gluing some gummies on the roof.” He exclaimed, putting the icing on the sugar-coated candy before sticking it on the house. “And you?” Tom asked, stopping his movements to look at yours.

“I’m putting shredded coconut on the roof and a little bit on the floor, to make it look more like snow.” You smiled, happy with what you had done so far. “Uhh, bougie!” Tom uttered, sticking his tongue out.

“Shut up! Okay, question number… I don’t even know what number we are, so… weird habits of each other? Oh my God, Tom makes SO much noise to eat, it’s ridiculous!” You blurted, to which he immediately complained. “I do not!” He exclaimed. “Yes, you do!”

“You never said that to me!” You laughed at Tom defending himself. “I have told you, at least, a hundred times!” You stated. “Well, at least I have control of my own body, you can’t stop bouncing your leg for literally two seconds.” He exclaimed.

“That’s because I have anxiety and you know that! I’m always moving a part of my body!” You practically yelled. “Still annoying!” Tom said. “Well, I can’t help it!” You interjected. “Neither do I!” He replied. “Next question?” You asked. “Please!” He shot back, making you both burst out laughing.

Once you stopped, Tom took your phone and asked the next question. “Do you have nicknames for each other?” He smirked, making you panic. “Hey, you said you’d behave!” You warned, pointing a finger at him. “I will, promise!” He told you, but that didn’t stop you from being nervous about his answer.

“I sometimes call her cherry, because she can do that trick with the cherry stem, it’s unbelievable!” He smirked, making you blush. “That’s actually pretty easy to do!” You said, trying to make light of the situation. “Oh yeah, it’s totally easy to tie a knot with a cherry stem with your tongue. Super chill!” Tom added, without taking that stupid smirk out of his face.

“Stop it! I don’t think I have a nickname for you, I call you spider-boy sometimes but just to spite you.” You smiled, sticking your tongue out. If Tom wanted to play, you could join his little game.

“I wish I could tell them all the other names you call me in bed,” Tom whispered, making you almost choke on your hot chocolate. “Thomas!!!” You screamed, trying desperately to clean the mess you’ve made. “Fine…” He replied, taking a sip of his drink.

“Ok, since we are almost done with the houses, the second to last question is: If you could, what would you change about your first kiss?” You asked, immediately regretting choosing the question. “Oh, that’s cool! Let me see… no, I don’t think I’ll change anything about it, maybe the place. It was a little too crowded.” He replied, not even trying to hide his smirk.

“Really? That’s all you’d change?” You asked, giving him the chance to take back his answer. “Yep, that’s all! What about you, y/n?” You shook your head, feigning disappointment that he didn’t choose to make you his first kiss. “I’d change the person, you idiot!” You answered, throwing one of the icing packages at him.

“Hey, that hurt!” Tom protested, throwing it back at you. “Stop it! We have to finish these so we can end the video.” You warned, pointing an accusing finger at him. “Oh, I’m done!” He announced, showing off his finished gingerbread house with a very colorful roof, windows, and door. “Already? I still wanna do a garland on the door. I even bought special sprinkles for it.” You stated, rushing yourself. “Of course you did!” Tom mocked, to which you simply flipped him off.

Once you had also finished your house, you and Tom did a quick cleaning of the table, before going back to filming. “We’re back!” You said, to which Tom added. “And we’re finished!”

“I’m really happy, they turned out so pretty!” You beamed, looking at your finished works. “They did!” Tom agreed, smiling widely. “So… before we end this video, we do have a last question, one that was the most asked and that is: are you guys together?” You said, finally acknowledging the elephant in the room.

You and Tom shared some guilty looks before blurting it out together. “Yes!” Tom’s smile was so wide that it made you smile too. “Yes, guys! You were all right! Tom and I are in a relationship now and we are so happy to finally share this with all of you!” You grinned, looking at your boyfriend, that of course was looking back at you.

“Yeah, I feel like the luckiest guy in the world and I honestly couldn’t be happier,” Tom murmured, making you blush. “Stop it!” You smiled, now completely lost in his eyes. “I think you have to finish the video now, darling!” He joked, bringing you back to earth.

“Oh, yeah, right! So… that was everything for today’s video, I hope you guys enjoyed it! Don’t forget to give the video a thumbs up and subscribe to my channel! Please, let me know what you guys thought in the comments section down below and… I think that’s it. Do you wanna say something?” You asked, shifting your eyes to Tom. “Thank you for having me again and I hope to come back soon for another one!” He said, giving the camera an adorable little wave. “Bye guys! See you next week!” You cheered, getting up to stop the recording. “We did it!”

“Yay! Can I eat now?” Tom quipped, before smashing his house in half. “Thomas!!!!” You shouted, not believing what he had done. “What?! We’re not supposed to eat it?” He wondered, putting one of the cookie pieces in his mouth. “I mean, yeah, but not… like that!” You tried to reasoned, to which he scoffed.

“C’mon, you didn’t think I wasn’t going to make a mess, right?” He smirked, signing for you to come closer. And you did, sliding right in front of him, straddling his waist.

“You’re an idiot!” You teased, clasping your arms behind his head. “Hmm, c’mere!” Tom lifted your chin and there was nothing more to do other than kiss his lips, so you did, only this time, instead of chocolate, they tasted like gingerbread.

tagging some of my mutuals ✨ @stuckonspidey @definitely-not-black-cat @missnxthingg @bi-writes @uglypastels @screamholland @peeterparkr @wazzupmrstark @tomhollandthing @lauras-collection @tommybaholland @mrs-hollandstan @duskholland @allyz @hazinhoodies @hollandcreep @worldoftom @whatevsholland @geminiparkers

[toastwithjelly]

FEEL SOMETHING

(A Sanders sides Angst one-shot fic)

Part 1

4,391 words

⚠️TRIGGER WARNING⚠️

Razor blades

Self harm

Gore

Numbness

Logan angst

Confrontation on self harm suspicions

Summary:

Logan is tired of being the cold, emotionless robot that everyone perceives him as. He’s repressed his emotions to such a great extent that he genuinely doesn’t feel anything major anymore. He does have his nightly break-downs sometimes, but he needs more than that.

However, this is where roads begin to cross. Logan feels that it would be nice and beneficial to experience strong emotions, but he doesn’t know if this feeling is stronger than his fear of expressing such things. Being viewed as a joke and not being taken seriously is his worst nightmare. Because of this, the logical side just keeps up his stone cold front to avoid being weak.

This dilemma Logan had found himself in really frustrated him. No matter how hard he tried to think of a solution, nothing ever satisfied both ends of the spectrum. The best he had come up with was to keep up the front when he was with the others and then let himself break down at night when no one was around, and even that didn’t help him nearly as much as he wished. This eventually led him to looking for answers online. One search led to another, and Logan has figured out something that might help him. It’s a bit risky, and he’ll have to hide it from the others, but he knows how to be safe with it, so he’ll give it a shot just to feel something.

•———————————————————————-•

Part 1

6:34pm

 Logan was sitting at the dinner table with his three friends as they ate their meal. Nothing unusual about the evening, they had their casual little chats and the occasional playful banter from Roman and Virgil, with Patton butting in every so often. Logan kept his focus all on the plate of food in front of him. The paternal figure had worked hard to make this, he wasn’t going to let it get cold. Plus even if he wanted to join the conversation, he wouldn’t even know what to say. Sure he was the logical side and he had a heap of facts to spit but when it comes to the jovial friendly conversations the others usually shared. He truly couldn’t find the words to contribute something meaningful into the atmosphere, so other than correcting a false statement, he kept silent.

“Now Virgil, I’m just saying that a kid would be much more excited to watch a movie like Alice in wonderland and we all know it!” Roman exclaimed to the emo sitting across the table from him. It’s not at all surprising that the current conversation taking place was one about Disney. Especially when it was Virgil and Roman who were the ones bickering. “I mean all the bright colors and such a classic story is bound to win a kid over!”

“Uhuh sure, like kids would want to watch a film about a bunch of mentally ill people on an acid trip. Plus, the queen of hearts is scary for them,” Virgil retorts, glaring at Roman before taking a bite of his food. “The princess and the frog is clearly a superior movie. It’s about an independent hard working woman who doesn’t need a man to help her achieve her goals, like are you kidding me? And she helps him out, that is a nice change for once.”

“Yea I cannot argue with that, we stan Tiana,” Roman admits, leaning back in his chair. Logan was about to question the prince about the term he just used, but decided against it, keeping quiet.

“But the shadow man is scary!” Roman continues.

“Uh, no. ’I’ve got friends on the other side’ is such a bop. But I am one of the friends on the other side,” Virgil pulls his signature 2000’s MySpace emo face. ‘Bop’. Logan remembers what that meant. He had to ask Roman about it later to make a vocabulary card.

“Oh my god can you get any edgier?” Roman asks the snickering Virgil across the table as he rolls his eyes and goes back to his food. The only thing Logan could think of at this time is how useless that conversation was. Their frivolous arguments had no solid points or evidence to back up their argument if they were trying to persuade the other. He chose not to say anything so as to not further encourage them. Instead he had just yet again kept quiet and his focus was on finishing his food so he could retire to his room.

“So Logan, are you almost finished with your work?” Logan’s head snapped up when the mention of his name came from Patton. ‘Work.. it was always work.’

“No, Patton. There are still a few tasks to be completed that need to be completed tonight,” Logan states, adding on that last bit so hopefully he isn’t bugged with having a ‘family night’ as Patton and the others like to call it. Which, it doesn’t make any sense considering the fact that none of us are actually related.

“Well, once you are done with that, do you wanna come watch a movie with us!?” The parental side excitedly asks. Logan internally cringed at Patton’s use of grammar, but more at his failed attempts at getting out of this without having to ask. It’s not that Logan didn’t like the others, it’s just that tonight specifically he wanted to be left alone. Sometimes spending time with them is considered a good thing to him because he knows that he needs to take breaks from his work sometimes and Patton gives him an excuse to do so. Also, knowing that Patton wants him there helps him feel less like a robot, but that feeling quickly returns when they don’t even care to ask him his opinions for the movie choice.

“Oh.. that’s ok! There’s always next time, right?” Patton sounded a little disappointed, but supportive nonetheless. “Well I wish you good luck with that, Logan!”

“Thank you, Patton,” Logan finishes the conversation while turning his attention back towards his almost empty plate.

The rest of the dinner went by as normal. They all took their dishes to the sink and Patton offered to help Roman complete the dishes and Virgil retired to his room for the night. Logan says his goodnights and follows suit to his own room.

After entering, Logan lightly shut his door and pressed his back against the cool wood. The lights were still off, so he sat in the inky black dark atmosphere staring at the ceiling in order to prevent the dark curtain draped over the contents of his room from playing tricks on his eyes. He didn’t bother finding the light switch; he felt it was unnecessary. It would only illuminate everything that reminded him of everything that burdens him. He hates not knowing.

The logical side leaned his head back against the door and squeezed his eyes shut, the blankness of the dark and the silence began to be too much for him; it made him feel too alone. With no senses available, you are left with nothing but your own thoughts to drown in. Nothing to do but to fall down that hole of endless thinking. Logan’s head swarmed with every emotion he was feeling at once. Every fact he wished wasn’t true danced behind his eyes and pounded on his skull demanding his attention.

Logan couldn’t help but let the tears run down his cheeks. They started rolling faster and he held his hand over his mouth, choking back a sob. He hated doing this, but he had to if he wanted to remain sane. He just felt so vulnerable and embarrassed. Logan felt his legs begin to shake so he slid down the door to sit on the floor. God he hopes no one comes to his room.

The logical side stayed on the floor like that for a while. He didn’t know how long, but he was surprised when he looked at his phone to find he had been there for almost thirty minutes. Once the crying had for the most part stopped and Logan realized that it didn’t really help at all, he decided to get up from his spot on the floor and turn on some lights. He had reached for the plug connected to fairy lights strung around his room and plugged it into the electrical socket, illuminating the whole space with a soft Caramel colored glow. The lights were a gift from Patton last Christmas, the parental figure had gotten some for everyone in the house. At first the logical side thought they were childish and impractical due to him already having a light in his room, but Patton persisted so he put them up and once he saw how they casted a honey coating to all the contents of his bedroom and how the atmosphere instantly shifted from sharp to calming and gentle, he decided that they weren’t that bad.

After his eyes had adjusted to the light, Logan walked into the bathroom that he has in his room and shut the door after turning on the light. The sudden contrast of the soft light of his room to the harsh light of the bathroom only worsened his growing headache so the first thing he did was retrieve the Ibuprofen from the medicine cabinet and swallow two. After that he took his glasses off and placed them on the side of the sink before proceeding to wash his face of tears with warm water from the faucet. After he patted his face dry with a towel, he took a minute to just look into the mirror. He took notice of his cold, dead eyes that were a navy blue, but despite being such a bright color, his eyes looked more dull and grey. ‘No wonder the others think I’m a metaphorical robot.” He thinks to himself. He decides not to stay there any longer or else Remus might hear him drowning in his thoughts and show up so he grabbed his glasses and started back towards his room.

Logan didn’t know what to do now. He’s already cried a bunch but that didn’t help. He just sat on the edge of his bed trying to figure things out. The laptop sitting closed and still in his desk caught his eye. ‘There may be an article on the internet explaining my situation.’ The logical side thought to himself before he got up and made his way towards his desk, pulling out the chair and sitting down. While he opened the device up and typed in his password, he thought about what he was going to type into the search bar. While the Google page displayed on his screen awaiting his questions, Logan’s fingers moved to type in the first one that came to mind; ‘How to feel when you are numb?’

Once he pressed enter, he proceeded to scroll for what he was looking for. He passed a bunch of articles about physical health and stuff like that. ‘Perhaps I worded it incorrectly?’ He thought to himself before seeing something that could potentially be what he was looking for. It was a link to a twitter post. It was titled ‘I don’t feel anything. I do this to feel something,’ and Logan thought that would suffice nicely to his needs. Though, the side wasn’t prepared for what he was going to see when he clicked it. Blood. Lots of blood. Cuts all up and down the poster’s forearm that could be recognized as dermis and epidermis level cuts. And finally, a bloodied double edge razor blade sitting calmly in a warm crimson pool on the counter top.

Logan gasped upon the image displayed in front of him. It wasn’t too intense but seeing a part of the human body all cut up didn’t make him feel too comfortable, but he was slightly intrigued. He was kind of confused why the gorey photo was related to what he was looking for so he decided to look into it further; only because the text part of the post seemed to relate a little to his state of mind.

The logical side scrolled down past a few more photos of the same cuts just at different angles. He kept observing the images while trying to think of where to go from here until he decided to use the tags the original poster had provided with the text to research further. He viewed 10 or so hashtags of random things to figure out what the point of this was. Some of them just confused the side, but one of the words he recognized from an article he read a few months ago when Roman fell into a deep depression and he tried to gather as much information as he could to help him because the others were worried and terrified for him. However, he never had to use much information because they had luckily gotten him out of that mental health decline before anything terrible happened. Well, at least to his knowledge. The tag in question reads as ‘self harm’. Now Logan felt a little stupid because he knew what this was before, but a little clarification never hurt anyone.

He had to admit, he was a little taken aback by the fact that what he was experiencing was linked and related to self harm but he decided to explore more under that subject to further understand it. When he clicked on the tag, he was exposed to pages and pages of self harm. He stopped at one particularly disturbing one. It was a video of a girl with a straight razor that resembled that of what a barber would use. In the video, she had pressed as hard as she could and with one clean swipe, the fat inside her arm was exposed. By this point, Logan was feeling a little sick to his stomach on account of what was displayed in front of him. The video however kept going. The girl dabbed the open wound with a white towel, so the amount of blood that was being soaked up was very visible. The girl picked the weapon up again and placed it in the center of the cut and proceeded to apply pressure while she dragged the blade along her arm at a painfully slow speed. When the pool of blood was soaked up, fascia was exposed and Logan really wanted to look away but he couldn’t. He vaguely understood the premise behind self harming, but witnessing it to this extent kind of confused and scared him.

Luckily the video stopped there and Logan closed it out and continued to scroll through the page. He did not find much there other than the pictures and videos of people cutting themselves and he was starting to feel more and more uncomfortable, almost like what he felt when he was under the effects of Virgil’s room; and for that reason he decided to close out this tab and search elsewhere. The logical side really didn’t know why he was so intrigued to this certain coping mechanism. He knew it was very unhealthy, but he couldn’t let it go.

After a few google searches about the topic of self harm and a few articles later, Logan found one specific body of text that piqued his interest. It was basically describing the effects self harming has on the brain and why so many people do it and says it helps. He read through it and the information he gathered was rather interesting to him. Basically, the context of the article was explaining the science behind why self harming was addictive and why some people do it in the first place.

‘So, cutting myself will release neurochemicals in my brain that mimics that of dopamine? Fascinating..’ Logan thinks to himself. The side takes a minute to think it through. Was he actually considering this? I mean, there is scientific evidence that proves that doing this will help him. Logan ponders a bit on that last point, basically pushing him to do it. He just resorts to searching for reasons not to go through with it at this point. Only two reasons came to his mind when he tried to think up reasons to push the thoughts out of his head. The first was the safety aspect of it. Of course when you are cutting yourself there are things that can go wrong; however Logan felt confident enough that he knew how to do this safely. He knew where the vital points were on the human body so he knew where it was safe to cut as well as how deep to go. He also knew how to properly dress the wounds and how to take care of them so they didn’t get infected so the logical side could figuratively throw that worry out the window.

The only factor that was left in play affecting Logan’s decision in going through with this is the guilt he would have to face if the others found out. With Patton having gone through a situation similar to this when Roman was having severe mental health issues and when Virgil ducked out, Logan would figuratively (and almost literally) have the blood on his hands just adding it to the list. He knows that Patton always tries his hardest to do things that make everyone as happy as they can be, and oh the lengths he would go to do that. Let’s just say that the parental side has had many sleepless nights on account of helping someone else. But surely if Patton had ever found out about all the things Logan hasn’t told him, it would make him feel like he hasn’t been enough for people even more than he already does, even and who knows what could happen to him when that happens and he lives knowing that three of his friends have been struggling.

Logan had to ponder on this one for a minute. But with him being logic and all, he brought up the point that the way Patton was thinking about things is untrue and if he had to, Logan with a little of Virgil’s help could sit down with him and possibly explain things in order to pull him from that mindset.

He quietly hummed to himself, feeling accomplished at finding a solution. This satisfied feeling quickly deteriorated as confusion began to spill. Why was he feeling this way about something so grim? Why was he so compelled to stand up to get that spare razor that lay waiting in the bathroom cupboard? He thought it was even irrational to consider doing such things but it just felt like something that could actually help him, and he needed it.

He didn’t know what made him do it, but something in him made him push himself out of his desk chair to shut his laptop without powering it off and making his way to the bathroom. Once inside, he quietly closed the bathroom door. He opened the door of the shadow box, but for some reason it felt super slow like in a dramatic movie. He didn’t know why his hands were shaky when he spotted the razor and went to gently pick it up.

Just then as he examined the weapon in his grip, he felt the adrenaline pumping. It all just set in. Oh my god he was actually going to do this. He was just moments away from his destination. He gulped down a nervous lump in his throat as he examined the perfectly new blade for any rust. The side didn’t understand why he was so nervous; he knew how to do this safely so why was he so scared? Maybe he’s afraid of the pain

Logan however quickly dismissed this thought so that it doesn’t chase him out of a decision. I mean he would only seem MORE weak if he pulled such a pansy move. It shouldn’t be too bad.

He started by washing the blade and his forearm with warm water just as a precaution. He shakily held the blade horizontally over his wrist. Deep breath in and-

Slice

He ran the blade across his skin and then exhaled the breath he was holding. He sort of relaxed when he realized that it wasn’t that bad and that he was ok. Still, he checked the damage. It was a cut on the epidermis layer of the skin so nothing bad. Even so, he watches the blood bead along the clean line in fascination. It started to drip a little but that was caught with the towel that Logan pulled off the towel rack. He gently pressed the cloth to the cut and when he pulled it back, he closely watched as blood refilled the small wound. He was satisfied with his work and for some reason, he couldn’t stop looking at it. He wanted more.

So that’s what he did; the side made a few more clean lines parallel to the first one he made. He would stop to just watch the blood, then soak it up before watching how it refills again. Logan found himself admiring his arm from all angles, wearing these cuts like some sort of sick and twisted accessory. Logan continued to leave a few more little cuts, holding his arm over the sink to not make so much mess with blood (and to not ruin his favorite button up shirt).

The logical side went for one more and pressed a bit harder this time. When he swiped the blade, white was exposed before blood started to seep out from the edges of this deeper and wider cut. Actually being able to see the inside of his arm like that kind of scared him. He recognized this as the dermis level of skin. It made him a bit uneasy how he could turn his arm sideways and see the cut gape a bit, but he couldn’t stop looking at it. He thought if Remus was here, he would have said it looked like a mouth.

After that tiny scare of going deeper, he decided he was done with this for the night, afraid of going farther than he already has. As he started cleaning the blood from his arm and his sink, he was thinking over his success rates with this exercise. He had come to the conclusion that this had done what he wanted it to for him. He smiled to himself as he looked at the fresh cuts. The smaller and thin ones have already dried and scabbed over, but the deeper one he had just done was still filling with blood after each time he soaked it up, but it was slowing down. He doesn't know if he smiled because the treatment worked or if he was just proud of what he had done, but to him it just matters that he got a smile out of it. Once all the blood was cleaned up, he opened the shadow box again to retrieve the bandages. Carefully, he wrapped his arm in a secure bandage and put the rest away. The pressure of the cloth being wrapped tightly around his arm felt oddly nice and contrasted with the burning sensation on his skin from the contact.

The side stops moving and stands perfectly still when he feels a presence in his room. His heart dropped out of fear in realizing that this is the worst time to be here for obvious reasons. He slowly reaches for the doorknob of the bathroom and turns it, trying to prepare himself for whatever is about to happen. When the door was opened, it revealed Remus sitting on Logan’s bed just looking around.

“R-Remus, what are you doing here?” His voice was shakier than he wanted it to be. He wasn’t sure if the cause was from what he just did in the bathroom or the fear he had from another side possibly knowing.

Remus’s gaze shifted towards the nerd and the bandage on his arm. “Well, as I am Thomas’s own intrusive thot,” he stopped for a second to giggle at his play on words, “I can sense unwanted thoughts from any other part of Thomas,” he got up from his spot on Logan’s bed to walk towards him.

“I was picking up something from you, not like the normal. I had some suspicions and came to investigate but it seems as if I was right,”

“I.. I’m not sure I know what you are referring to,” he lied. Logan thought it was eerie to hear Remus talk in this more serious manner.

“Yea, no we both know that is a big lie,” Remus slightly smirked at Logan for the fact that he was right and gestured to Logan’s bandaged arm. Logan just avoided the other side’s eyes and held his arm behind his back. This and Logan’s uncomfortable silence confirmed it to Remus and he was no longer smiling, he had a look of empathy and slight hurt on his face. He was also sort of mad at the others because he feels and sees what Logan goes through with them and he thinks he can understand why Logan would resort to self harm.

“Logan, do you need to talk about it?” He asked. Logan has talked to Remus about his situation before, but he didn’t want to talk about this. He just brushed past Remus to go lay his pajamas out on the bed to get changed for the night. “No, I do not wish to speak of this and I ask you to kindly not mention this to anyone else, but thank you for your concern,” he never turned around to look at the other once. Remus just stood there with a slight frown. He then got an idea on what to do and he sunk out without saying anything else.

Logan could feel when the intrusive side left the room and released the breath he was holding in relief. He felt guilt wash over him in the moment. He really disliked lying to one of his closest friends but it was for the best. It was way too early for him to be able to tell anybody- scratch that. He didn’t want to tell anyone at all. He just hoped that Remus would listen and not tell anybody. The logical side thought of what he would do if that were to happen as he changed his clothes to something more comfortable.

He stopped before getting into bed to ponder if he should leave his fairy lights on while he slept. They were left on as he climbed under the cover to keep the atmosphere soft.

The logical side found himself holding his bandaged arm up above his face to admire it. He didn’t know what it was, but knowing what he'd done gave him tiny butterflies of adrenaline in his stomach which led him to a small smile. Logan was never an artist of any medium, but those crimson lines that stain his forearm felt like an art piece to him. It made him feel accomplished and.. happy. And with that, the side brought his arm back under the covers and closed his eyes to be consumed by sleep with a smile on his face.

•———————————————————————-•

Hope you enjoyed this first part :)

Yea a little background, sanders sides is such a comfort series for me, so I started writing this back when I was struggling a lot and I decided to keep writing this now so I hope you enjoy this bucket of angst haha

Part 2 will be linked here when it is up!

[pterodactylterrace]

Guys Like You Chapter 16

Title: Guys Like You

Chapter: 16

Chapter Summary: Meet the family

Rating: 18+

Warnings: None for this chapter

{Prologue} {Chapter 1} {Chapter 2} {Chapter 3} {Chapter 4} {Chapter 5} {Chapter 6} {Chapter 7} {Chapter 8} {Chapter 9} {Chapter 10} {Chapter 11} {Chapter 12} {Chapter 13} {Chapter 14} {Chapter 15}

"How well does she do on flights?" Henry asked quietly, nodding for Faye to slide in first to take the window seat.

"She gets sick on longer flights." Faye explained as he sat down in the aisle seat, resting the snoozing child in his lap, her chubby cheek pressed against his chest as a small bit of drool tumbled from her lower lip.

"It's a little under an hour, do you think she'll be ok?"

"She didn't get sick until after the third hour when we came to England."

"Hopefully she'll just sleep the whole time." Henry sighed, smiling fondly at the child snoozing on him. To say he was excited to introduce his girls to his family was an understatement. He had been practically vibrating with giddiness for the last two days. That in turn wound up Kal and Briar, which meant no one wanted to go to bed. Faye had counted herself lucky to get the child tucked into bed and finally asleep before 11pm the night before. Certainly not enough time for any sort of decent rest before their 6am flight. She could also tell Henry hadn't gotten enough sleep the night before, the dark circles under his eyes a dead giveaway, no matter how many times he insisted he was fine.

Maybe they could all catch a nap during the flight. That sounded incredible, though Faye wasn't sure if her nerves would allow her to actually sleep. Henry had assured her over and over that his family would love her, but she had a nagging voice in the back of her mind that kept asking her 'but what if they don't?' Would Henry leave her if his family didn't like her? What if they didn't like Briar? She could be a bit much at times. Maybe they would think she was an awful mother who couldn't control her child. She just had to keep reminding herself that Henry wasn't like that. He wasn't a controlling abuser. He wanted to see her happy. He actually loved her and she was slowly learning how to be loved in return.

Henry reluctantly slid the child from his lap and into her seat before take off, buckling the now grumpy toddler in while Faye gave Briar her stuffed bunny in an attempt to pacify her for the time being. That only resulted in the rather amusing image of an incredibly angry looking toddler hugging a very well loved stuffed bunny, glaring daggers at the seat back in front of her. The second the fasten seatbelt sign went off, Briar was back in Henry's lap, smugly snuggling back into his chest with her bunny tucked under her arm.

"I swear, she likes you more than she likes me." Faye sighed, shaking her head at her daughter.

"I never tell her no." Henry shrugged, giving the child a small squeeze.

"I've noticed." Faye grumbled.

"How do you expect me to say no to that face?" Henry challenged, nodding down to where Briar was already sleeping on him, her cheek squished up against his chest, more drool slowly soaking into his shirt.

"What if she wants to do something dangerous?"

"That's why I have her wonderful, strong, beautiful mother nearby." Henry smiled at her, chuckling at her annoyed look.

"So what are you gonna do with any future children?" Faye shot back, not missing the way Henry's entire demeanor lit up.

"I'll just have to follow your lead." He offered, trying to tame the smile from his face. This was the first time she had mentioned any more children since their scare, and just the thought was enough to make him dizzy with excitement.

"Breastfed that kid for a year and a half, and this is the thanks I get." Faye grumbled to herself, moving over to the middle seat to use Henry's bulky shoulder as a pillow.

"As much as I'd like to say I'll help you every step of the way, I'm pretty sure I'm going to be useless when it comes to that."

"Such a shame, your tits are bigger than mine."

"They are not." Henry scoffed, rolling his eyes.

"Mmhmm. Mine only look nice when I roll them up into a bra so you can't see how deflated they are."

"They're the perfect size for my hands."

"And your tits are still bigger."

"Fine, but I still don't think I can breastfeed a baby." Henry relented, his face heating up when he realized the flight attendant had made it to their row with the drink cart. Her look of confused horror was one Faye would remember for years to come.

"I think we're good." Faye half laughed, Henry dropping his head in embarrassment. Sometimes people just walk up at the wrong time in a conversation.

Faye was apprehensive at first when Henry told her his brother would be picking them up from the airport. What if he instantly didn't like her? Would he just leave her there or something? It would make for a very uncomfortable car ride to say the least. Thankfully Niki and his wife turned out to be just as nice and accommodating as Henry kept assuring her they would be. Naturally, Niki stuffed his younger brother into the back seat, allowing his wife to stay up front in spite of her half hearted protest. Faye had the feeling this was an ongoing thing between them.

The sight of a toddler seat in the back, hooked in and ready to go made a strange happiness swell in her chest. Faye was grateful they had taken steps to keep her daughter safe, while Henry was slightly annoyed that he was now crushed even more. With a simple look from Niki's wife, Faye understood that this was just how the brother's were, antagonizing each other whenever possible. Niki wasted no time filling Faye in on a few stories from Henry's childhood, telling her about the time he brought a turtle home and tried to keep it in the bathtub to hide it from his parents. Then he moved on to the time he split his pants at his cousin's wedding when he was fifteen and spent the entire reception trying to talk to the bridesmaids with his underwear showing. The last one he squeezed in before his wife stopped him was when they were all younger and buried him in the snow, having convinced him that's how an igloo was built.

No one hesitated to get out and start unpacking the car once it was parked in front of a rather quaint looking house, Niki tossing Henry's bag at him, Henry 'accidentally' shoulder checking him into the back of the car good natured retaliation. Niki's wife had already gone inside to announce their arrival, giving Faye a chance to talk with her daughter before meeting everyone.

"Now remember sweetie, we need to be on our best behavior for Papa's family today, ok?" She reminded, crouching down and straightening out her daughter's jacket.

"I a good girl." Briar stated firmly, nodding her head in self assurance as she grabbed her mother's hand with her mitten covered fist.

"Yes, you've been a very good girl, even though I can tell you're really tired. I'm very proud of you, sweetheart." Faye praised, giving the child her stuffed bunny before leading her after everyone else.

"And then-" Simon wheezed, pausing to catch his breath through his laughter. "And then Henry comes back inside, covered in mud, sticks in his hair, and he's just like "well, he's not under THAT bush!'." Faye wiped a tear from her eye, holding her aching stomach. She had lost count of the stories that had been retold, everyone seeming to take a turn at ribbing each other. Henry even told the story of Faye accidentally gluing her hand to a makeup brush when she was trying to apply prosthetics. It felt almost too easy settling into his family. He had been completely honest, they were very accepting.

His mother was warm and inviting, pulling her in for a hug and whisking Faye off to the kitchen, putting a glass of wine in her hand before she had even said hello to anyone else. It felt so good to be around a family again. Faye had been close with her parents and her siblings, especially her twin sister, and it was times like this that reminded her of what she had given up to chase her dreams. She had promised to try and be home for Christmas, but life got in the way of her going back the year before. Now it was coming up, and she was wondering if Henry would be alright with going all the way across the ocean just to meet her family. Were they really that serious? She knew they were pretty serious, having moved in together, but she didn't have any prior experience to compare her current relationship to.  Would he want to spend Christmas with his family? They were all really nice and probably always spent the holidays together. Would she be interfering with a tradition by asking him to spend Christmas with her family?

"So how did you two meet?" Marianne interjected, everyone suddenly shifting their attention to the couple.

"Uhh... met at work?" Faye offered up, turning to look up at Henry to see if he had anything else to add. Always the eloquent half of the pair, Henry had plenty to tack on, telling them about how this sassy little makeup artist wouldn't give him the time of day no matter what he did to get her attention. He'd tried talking about her tattoo's: nothing. He'd tried talking about the show: nothing. He'd tried to ask her about her life: nothing.

"It wasn't until Briar's birthday that I got anywhere. I swear, if you weren't such an awful baker, you would have never even looked my way. Poor Briar made sure everyone knew you were no good at it too. Briar!" Henry called, smiling when the little girl came running in the room, a dinosaur in one hand and the other covered in a sock. "Briar, how's mummy's baking?"

"Yucky." Briar informed flatly, the adults roaring in laughter while she rushed off to go play with the other children again.

"She's actually managed to simultaneously burn and completely undercook a tray of brownies once. It was amazing."

"Wasn't that also the time I mixed up the salt and the sugar?"

"It was." Henry confirmed, pressing an adoring kiss to her temple.

"That reminds me of the time you accidentally used garlic powder instead of nutmeg in the apple pie one year." Piers turned toward his wife, laughing at her loving glare.

"Alright, alright. Enough." Simon jumped in. "We all know what needs to be discussed. Who is stronger, Superman or the Incredible Hulk?" The entire family seemed to groan in unison; this must be an age old debate.

"Superman, obviously." Henry scoffed.

"No way, the Hulk is indestructible!" Niki threw back.

"So is Superman." Charlie pointed out.

"A little bit of kryptonite and Superman is useless." Simon intervened.

"What are the odds of having kryptonite on hand, though? If we're going to be using weaknesses, when Banner couldn't shift into the Hulk during Infinity War should definitely be brought up." Faye countered.

"But we're not talking about Banner, we're talking about the Hulk, as in he already shifted." Niki complained.

"Didn't the Black Widow have some lullaby thing that turned him back?" Charlie mused.

"Come on, Faye. We all know you're just siding with Superman because you're sleeping with him." Simon teased, Faye rolling her eyes in response. She had a feeling it was going to be a long night.

By the time they returned home just two days later, Faye was utterly exhausted but filled with joy. His family was so warm and inviting. They actually liked her. They didn't look down on her. They didn't question why Henry was with someone like her. They just accepted her and her daughter as one of their own. Two more to add to the Cavill Clan.

Now that they were back at home, it felt almost empty compared to the jam packed house they had just been in. Kal was all too happy to meet everyone at the door, his food bowl still full from the last visit from the dog sitter while their mail was stacked neatly on the kitchen table waiting for them.

Henry left the bags by the bottom of the stairs to take up later, sorting the letters into two separate piles. A large envelope addressed for Faye caught his eye, curiosity prompting him to bring it straight to her.

"What's that?" Faye asked, tossing the clothing from the bags into a laundry basket.

"I don't know. Looks important. Maybe it's informing you that you just became Queen a small unknown country."

"I've always wanted my own country." Faye chuckled, ripping the envelope open and pulling out the papers inside, her face falling more and more with each passing second. Her blood ran cold as teardrops stained the paper.

"What? What's wrong? Faye, you're starting to worry me. What does it say? Is something wrong?"

"My ex... my ex is trying to sue me for custody of Briar."

@weallhaveadestiny @lunedelorient @summersong69 @mis-lil-red @lharrietg @amberangel112 @mansaaay  @nostalgicb-txh

[scandeniall]

cooking with the boyfriends

With Osamu, Atsumu, Suna, Iwaizumi

notes: I was forced to help cook tonight and thought about cooking with some boys and right now i find drabbles to be very fun to writeso here we are with another disaster by ri :)

Osamu: Can I start this list without putting osamu first. Now y’all may think he’s the perfect bf to cook with? WRONG. Now he’s not the worst (ie his brother or suna) but he’s not the best. Will always be the one to offer to cook and if you be like “let me help” he’ll say yes but end up taking over 90% of the time. Ask him 1 question about the dish and he’s like “ok let me show you how babe,” and you never end up completing the task yourself. If he wants to humor you into thinking you helped he’ll ask you to pass him ingredients. But one good thing is that depending on the thing he’ll be the type to kinda just press his body against yours and guide your hands for a solid 3 minutes before he’s like ok this isn’t comfortable and kinda just lightly moves you to the side to do the task himself. If you offer to cook for him one night he’ll try to not intrude he really will but will probably ask like a million questions. “Did you level the flour?” “Do you have all the ingredients out already?” Please get him OUT of the kitchen so you can do your thing like damn. Criticizes your chopping skills but at least offers to show you how to do it better (not that you ever learn). When it comes to music he either cooks in complete silence or like something smooth and sensual. Overall I’d give him 7/10 because control freak in the kitchen but he tries to be considerate and is still really sweet. Plus food always comes out 1000/10

Atsumu: LMFAO OK. Now I head canon him as not being the worst cook in the world but he isn’t the best by a long shot. Like he can make maybe 3 meals. Pretty useless when it comes to helping you though. Mostly just distracts himself and you. Ask him to prep the meat and like he’ll do it for 2 seconds before mentioning something completely off the wall and before you know it y’all are involved in some dumb ass conversation about what if you created your own food fungi and how would you do it and what if you made cotton candy kombucha with it? Also criticizes your chopping skills but unlike his twin he can NOT do better. “Babe yer supposed to dice those look like blocks” “You do it then” *pause* “I cant right now I’m busy but just know I can do better” he cant. Tries to recreate some dish osamu made for him with you and y’all end up calling the twin like 100 times because Atsumu kept forgetting the steps. Very proud when y’all do make the dish and he literally scarfs it down so fast. Unless it’s gross y’all both looking at each other like 👁👄👁 and blaming the other. Type to eat while cooking. Like as soon as you take one piece of meat off the stove he’s eating it and you gotta swat his hand away. Cooks with the music loud as hell and it’s something very upbeat which can add to y’all getting distracted. I’d give him 6/10 because while it’s lowkey a struggle he’s kinda fun and most of the time the food comes out edible

Suna: now this man is absolutely USELESS. First of all you literally have to beg him to come cook with you “why” “because it’s romantic you jackass.” And eventually he agrees. Does not know how to cook any hot meal. Burns the water because he puts it on then walks away and forgets. Acts like he can’t fucking read when you ask him to go get an ingredient. “Which one is that?” Like baby read the label. Might follow you around the kitchen for a little but does nothing helpful. Just stands to the side leaning against the counter and watches. Occasionally makes some comment like “are you doing that right?” You: points to something and asks him to reach over and get it. Suna: 🤨 lol. He doesn’t move a muscle so you’re like ok annoying and when you reach around him to get it the type to lowkey grab you by your waist to stop you from even doing what you were gonna. “Fine I’ll get it” he really couldn’t have done that from the beginning huh? If he does actually get something for you and it’s on the other side of the kitchen the type to be like: catch. Cooks to trap music lowkey although i use cook lightly. Just bobs his head and raps along occasionally feeling annoying enough to literally come and do it right in your ear. Another that eats off the food before you finish cooking and will lowkey laugh in your face when you glare. Yeah just push his ass out the kitchen not like he was doing anything useful anyways. I can also see him as the type to jokingly cheer when you’re finally like: ok get out. Overall 3/10. Utterly useless but he is appreciative and will thank you for being the best while y’all eating

Iwaizumi: the perfect man really. Takes initiative if you want him to. Also really cool with falling back and just helping. Pretty much does whatever you ask of him. Pretty decent cook. He has a few dishes in his arsenal, but has burnt food more than once. Anyways need him to go get the ingredients out? He’s on it. Ask him what the recipe calls for? Will print out the whole thing and even read it out to you if you want. Cooks in sweats and a tight tank so that’s pretty hot too. Once y'all are comfortable with each other (and obvs if y’all in the kitchen cooking together) gives the back of your shoulder kisses. Puts his hand on your lower back when looking over your shoulder to see what’s going on and it do be 🦋. Makes jokes about “please don’t poison me” He cooks with whatever’s on your playlist really. Has some favs with heavy drums but no real preference. Sometimes he finds himself just standing and watching too but will also be considerate enough to be like “you need anything?” Most likely to just check you out the entire time though. Love him. Perfect man that does what you want and he’s very hot. Arms be OUT so you staring respectfully too 🥵. Anyways meals come out pretty good so overall Iwa 10/10

[taleasnewastime]

Kiss me

Taehyung x reader genre: angst; fluff word count: 4.7k

a/n: This is just a classic cliché, all very predictable but sometimes that’s comforting and just what you need to read. It has some angst in it but it is a happy fluffy ending. I hope you enjoy!

You took a sip of your drink as you looked around the room. You were stood in a corner out of sight so you could fully take in the room without being spotted. There were empty cups scattered around the room. People stood around in groups talking whilst others danced as the music blasted. You were used to coming to parties in the dorm as you had been friends with the boys for years but this seemed to be a pretty rowdy event. You continue to look around the room and spot a game of beer pong happening on the table. Jin was playing against Yoongi and from what you could see Jin was losing pretty badly, only one of his cups remained while Yoongi had 4 of his. Taehyung and Jungkook stood next to the table cheering Yoongi on as he held the ball. You lightly laughed as he took the shot and the ball landed perfectly in the remaining cup. Jins face was pure shock as Tae and Jungkook cheered and Yoongi just smirked.  

You take another sip of your drink as you continue looking round the room. You spot Namjoon acting as barman in the kitchen and pouring people different drinks. And Hoseok and Jimin fighting over which song should be played next. The other boys are cheering Jin on as he downs his remaining beers. You sigh as you finish off your drink. Looks like you will have to join the party again and get another drink. You glance at your phone and have a quick scroll before gathering the energy to re-join.  

“Are we boring you that much that you need to stand in the corner on your phone Y/N?”

You jump slightly looking up to see Taehyung standing in front of you.

“Just needed a minute away from it all, you know,” you grumble looking back down at your phone.  

“Yeah yeah, come on I need you on my team for beer pong,” he laughs grabbing your hand and dragging you across the room.  

You had known Tae for 4 years and been in love with him for the last 3. Not that he knew that. You had met through your job and hit it off becoming closer and closer as time went on. Your relationship was always a bit flirty but that’s how Tae treated all the girls you’d ever seen him around so you didn’t feel special in that respect. You hid your feelings towards him for the last 3 years hoping that you would figure it out, get over him or move onto someone else because you could never tell him how you felt to his face. But no matter how hard you tried you couldn’t stop how you felt towards him. You secretly hoped that he would work out how you felt and feel the same way back, but you weren’t holding out much hope.  

Tae continues to drag you until you reach the table and then lets your hand drop. You look up to the other end of the table and then look over at Tae.

“I really don’t think we stand a chance against Jungkook,” you roll your eyes at Tae.  

“Hey, two against one, I think we have this,” he laughs as he picks up the ping pong ball.

“Nah you should listen to Y/N, you guys stand no chance,” Jungkook says.

At that Tae throws the ball and it lands perfectly in one of the cups. Jungkook's eyes widen as Tae leaps up in the air and you just laugh.

“Want to go back on that statement?” Tae shouts at Jungkook.  

Unfortunately, that one shot was pure luck and Jungkook absolutely smashed you two. Tae managed to get 2 more cups but you added absolutely nothing to the team. It was still fun though and you were laughing the whole way through. As Jungkook went for the last cup there was no surprise when he got the ball in.  

“Drink up kids,” he laughs as he starts sliding his remaining cups down the table to you.  

“Y/N is drinking those,” Tae states.  

“I think you’ll find we will be drinking half each,” you widen your eyes at him.  

“You were useless and got no cups, I think that means you have to drink the remaining drinks,” he smiles down at you.  

“Urm I don’t –“  

“Yep, everyone knows that rule Y/N,” Jungkook cuts you off. “Drink up.”

“Hey, don’t you go ganging up on me.”

They both ignored you however simply lining up the drinks and looking at you expectedly.  

“This is harassment. I am a guest at this party,” you look at them both in turn.

With no sign of them backing down you pick up the first drink and down it and then move onto the next. As you slam down the final cup both boys are cheering and Tae picks you up spinning you around shouting in your ear.  

“Tae, put me down or I’ll be sick everywhere.”

He laughs putting you down but continues to shout, while you just laugh.  

“Another round?” Jungkook claps his hands together.  

“No thank you,” you sarcastically smile at him. “I think I’m just going to go have a sit down somewhere.”

“I'll bring you another drink,” Tae says before you can stop him, walking off to the kitchen.    

You look around the room again deciding where was best to go. Your eyes meet Jimin and Hoseok in the same place you saw them earlier but now no longer fighting over music. You head over to where they are stood talking and join in.  

As you talk to them about what year in the 2010s was the best for music you feel yourself become more and more passionate as the drinks you’ve had throughout the night start to catch up with you. You are in a deep discussion about your favourite albums when you remember that Tae said he would bring you another drink. You look around the room in search of him in case he got lost trying to find you when your eyes land on him. Your heart gives a pang when you realise he’s talking to some super attractive girl. Your heart sinks slightly as you continue to watch them and you tune out of the discussion Jimin and Hobi are having.  

As you watch them you notice Taes face light up at something the girl says, a wide smile takes over as he laughs. You can see two glasses in his hand as you realise he must have kept his promise of getting you a drink.

“What do you think Y/N?” Your thoughts are torn away from Tae at the mention of your name.  

“Sorry completely zoned out then, what were you saying?” You smile at Hoseok.

“Jimin was just saying he thinks Lana Del Ray’s album is the best and I was saying that he is completely wrong as everyone knows it’s watch the throne by Kanye and Jay-Z,” Hoseok slightly slurs at you.

“Sorry but I have to agree with Jimin on this one,” you shrug at Hosoek. “Lana is the queen.”

“Yes, I knew you would have my back,” Jimin puts his arm round you squeezing him into you. “Come on let's go get some shots.”

Having sobered up significantly when you saw Tae with another woman you let Jimin drag you towards the kitchen with his arm still around your shoulders. As you pass Tae he doesn’t even realise, his eyes completely focused on the girl in front of him. You decide shots are definitely the right thing to do, you need to have some more alcohol to take your mind off the way his eyes shone looking at her. You lean your head on Jimin's shoulder letting out a soft sigh and Jimin gives your shoulder a slight squeeze.  

You make it to the kitchen and Jimin starts pouring shots, he hands you one while he takes the other.  

“To Lana,” he shouts while clinking your glass.  

You both down the liquid and he immediately starts to pour more.  

“Namjoon, Jungkook! Come take a drink,” Jimin screams at the boys who are stood a few feet away.  

“What are we drinking to?” Namjoon asks as he takes a shot.  

“To friends,” you say as you push your glass towards everyone else’s.  

Again you down your shot and Jimin starts pouring another.  

“Where are the others?” Jimin pouts, pouring more shots for the missing BTS members.  

“I’ll go grab them,” Jungkook excitedly jumps up and runs from the room.  

“Come on one more before they all crash the scene,” Jimin hands you and Namjoon another shot.  

“To Jimin,” Namjoon announces.  

“To Jimin!” Jimin shouts a massive smile taking over his face.  

With that Hoseok and Jin walk into the room, closely followed by Yoongi. Jin and Yoongi glance at each other as Jimin sloshes a drink towards them.

“To BTS,” Jimin happily shouts as he raises his glass only for Namjoon to grab his wrist.  

“Maybe we should wait for the whole of BTS to cheers that.”

“Found him,” Jungkook bounds into the room followed by Tae who’s still holding two full cups.  

“Urm, maybe I should leave you guys to it,” you mumble out as you put your shot on the side and start to turn around to leave the room.  

“No way. You are BTS’s honorary 8th member tonight, did no one tell you?” Hoseok says gabbing your arm before you could walk out. A few of the other are nodding their heads in agreement.  

“Ok,” you give a small smile picking back up your shot.  

Taehyung and Jungkook stand opposite you taking their shots and everyone raises their glasses cheersing BTS.  

You laugh as you finish the drink, laughing at how ridiculous the situation you were in was. The alcohol was slowly catching up with you too.  

“Another one!” Jimin shouts starting to pour more shots.  

“I think you’ve had enough mate,” Jin says as he takes the bottle off Jimin.  

“You’re no fun,” he pouts back.  

You stick your hand out to grab one of the shots Jimin managed to pour before he was stopped only to be stopped by Yoongi.  

“And I think you’ve had enough too.”  

“You’re no fun,” you repeat Jimin's earlier statement pouting in the same way he did. Yoongi smiles back at you letting your arm drop. You look around the circle seeing Hoseok and Jungkook laughing at you. Your eyes briefly land on Tae who is staring back at you worry slightly filling his eyes. Your eyes continue round the circle until they meet Jimin who’s still wearing the pout.  

“Come on Jimin, let's go have some fun somewhere else,” you grab his hand and drag him out the room before anyone can say anything. You don’t look back to see anyone’s reaction as you take him to where the music is the loudest and you start jumping around to the beat.  

You spend the rest of the night like this. You and Jimin were both in hysterics as you tried to out compete each other’s bad dance moves. Throughout the you sneak around the room stealing peoples drinks as you neither of you were allowed back into the kitchen to make yourself one. You slowly become so drunk that you were near blacking out but you continue anyway.  

At one moment when Jimin was doing a particularly funny dance to a S Club 7 song and you were doubled over laughing, tears in your eyes, the music cuts out. Jimin abruptly stops, looking around.  

“Hey, why’d you do that? I was doing some of my best dancing just then,” Jimin was looking towards the speakers where Jin is standing.  

“If you hadn’t noticed everyone has left. The party has finished. I think it's your bed time Jimin,” Jin replies.  

“Me and Jimin aren’t finished though,” you whine at Jin. “We’ll just continue to party on our own. We don’t need anyone else to be here.”  

“Come on, let’s get you to bed Y/N,” you feel a hand on your shoulder from behind and turn around only to be met with Taehyung.  

“We can go out to a club if you guys don’t want the noise,” Jimin suggests while you look over to him giving a smile and nod in agreement.  

“I think you guys have had enough tonight, come on you can party another night,” Jin starts to make his way over to Jimin.  

“Or we don’t need music, we can just have a silent disco in here,” you continue, not wanting your night to end here.  

At that you are lifted from the ground and you yelp out in surprise as Tae picks you up bridal style. Your eyes widened in shock as they look into his.  

“Hey, what are you doing? I said I’m not finished.”  

“And I think you are. Let’s go to bed.”  

Tae starts to walk towards his room as you look over his shoulder to Jimin with another pout on your lips you give a small wave goodbye as Jimin shouts bye.  

Whenever you come to the dorms for a party you normally stay over as it means you don’t have to worry about trying to get home drunk. As you and Tae were the closest you almost always shared his bed, which you were never going to complain about.  

When you make it to Tae’s room, he places you down on his bed, the pout still on your lips as he chuckles at you.  

“I’m going to go brush my teeth while you get changed. You better be ready and tucked up into bed by the time I’m back,” he says in a stern voice and you mumble an “alright Dad,” at him.  

You stay sitting on the bed for a bit considering sneaking out to meet with Jimin but when you hear the distant noise of doors opening and closing and Jin scolding Jimin you realise it's pointless. You drunkenly stumble around the room grabbing your pyjamas and putting them on before jumping onto the bed and tucking the covers up to your neck. Tae walks back into the room in a loose top and shorts. He smiles at you tucked in and you beam back at him.  

“You look happier,” he laughs as he turns the lights off and joins you in the bed.  

“Well I realised beds are comfy and that I enjoy sleep,” you slur turning to face him.  

“Exactly,” you can hear the smile in voice as he turns to face you.  

“Did you have a nice night?” You whisper to him after a moment of silence.  

“Of course, I missed you though, feel like I hardly saw you all night.”

“Well I was having an epic night with Jimin while you were chatting up some girls,” still pretty drunk the words don’t fully register in your mind.

“What do you mean chatting up some girls?” Tae laughs but there is no humour in his voice.  

“Oh you know that beautiful girl, tall, skinny, long curly brown hair –“

“Jade?” Tae cuts you off.

“I don’t know, maybe, who knows how many beautiful women you spoke to tonight.”  

“They’re just friends Y/N.”

“Oh you don’t need to explain that to me. We’re just friends too, you can hook up with whoever you want. I was just explaining why we didn’t see each other tonight.”  

“Right,” Tae mumbles out and a silence follows.  

“Just for the record, I didn’t hook up with anyone tonight,” Tae sounds slightly annoyed when he breaks the silence. “And I mean I could question you about how close you and Jimin were.”

“Me and Jimin?” You laugh, probably a bit too loudly, you were still drunk after all. “Oh my god, me and Jimin? That’s probably the funniest thing I’ve ever heard you say. Good one.”  

Tae simply groans at you shifting under the covers.  

“Let’s just go to sleep, we can talk more when you’ve sobered up in the morning.”  

“Ok,” you continue to laugh at Tae thinking you and Jimin were a thing, but slowly start to drift off.  

You groan as you wake up the next morning. Head pounding and dehydrated you reach around in search of water. When your hand finds a glass, you glance at it to check its water and then down it in one. You flop back onto the bed and cover your eyes with your arm. Your mind wonders back to the previous night which you remember in full up to a certain point on the dance floor with Jimin where your memories start to get a bit hazy. You remember Tae talking to that girl and how you started to drink away your loneliness. You groan again as you roll onto your side.

After some time of mentally and physically preparing for the day you fumble around in search of your phone. When you find it you bring it to your face and see that its 9am. You groan again, for no particular reason but that you feel crap.  

As you lay staring at the ceiling you start to hear voices in the rest of the house. People clattering in the kitchen and chatting away. You had no idea who the voices belong to but you could assume one was Taehyung as he was not lay next to you. With all the energy you could muster you roll yourself out of bed and stumble out of the room towards the kitchen. You’d had the sense at least to grab your empty glass so you could continue to rehydrate yourself.  

“Morning,” you mumble as you enter the kitchen seeing Taehyung, Jin and Hoseok. You immediately head towards the sink and fill up your glass downing it and filling it again, this time taking small sips as you look around the room.  

“And how are you feeling today?” Hoseok laughs at you.  

“I think this might be the worst I’ve felt after any of your parties,” you state sitting down on one of the stools.  

“That good huh?” Hoseok continues to laugh at you.  

“And you wanted to continue the party, imagine how you’d now if you did,” Jin looks over his shoulder at you as he continues to chop something.  

“To be fair I was having a great time, although I feel terrible it was a great party guys, well done.”

Taehyung walks over to you and places a glass of orange juice in front of you.

“Drink that, it always makes you feel better.”

You smile up at him and your heart pangs. You take a sip of the orange juice and sigh in content.  

“As you are feeling so rubbish lets go back to bed and watch some films?” Tae claps his hands together grabbing your orange juice and water and walking off before you can respond. You watch him walk off for a second trying to muster the energy to follow him. When you finally do you smile towards Hoseok and Jin and head to Taes room.  

When you get there Tae is already in the bed laptop on his lap as he taps always. You roll in next to him and pull the covers up to your eyes.  

“So, what are we watching, please nothing too heavy,” you voice is barely audible through the covers.  

“I was thinking Sleepless in Seattle?”

“A classic,” you smile, although he couldn’t see it.  

As the film starts you scoot closer to Tae so your head is by his shoulder giving you a good view of the film. You struggle to stay awake throughout the film slightly drifting off at times but wake up when loud noises sound in the film. By the end of the film you try to wake yourself up a bit thinking it was probably about time you headed home. You had stuff to do and some sleep in your own bed would hopefully sort you out. You sit up and take a few sips of orange juice

“So Jade?” Taes voice sounds unusually loud compared to the film.  

“Who the hell is that?” You mumble, your mind scrambled trying to recall a Jade in the film.  

“You seemed angry with me last night for talking to Jade rather than being with you. I just wanted to say that I was coming to hang out with you but she pulled me over to chat and I haven’t seen her in so long so I just –“

“Tae, you don’t have to explain yourself to me,” you cut him off. Your face heated slightly at the words, you don’t really remember bringing this up with him last night. You remember being in his bed finding something hilarious that he had said about Jimin, otherwise your memory was completely blank.  

“That’s what you said last night too. But I still want to say sorry.”  

“You have nothing to apologise for. I was drunk, my mind was not with it and I probably had no idea what I was talking about. Hell, I don’t even remember what I said,” you laugh, but you could guess what you had said. You remember seeing Tae talking to the girl and you remember the pain it caused you.  

“Ok, as long as you don’t mind.”

“Why would I mind? I had a great night with Jimin.”

“Yeah I know,” he sighed out sadly.  

The atmosphere in the room had changed. You could feel a tension and coldness in the air as you both held back feelings.  

“So what shall we watch next?” Tae forced a smile onto his face that didn’t quite reach his eyes as he looked at you.  

“You know, I think I might just head home.”

“What? But we always hang out after a party. I wanted to make up for last night and do stuff just me and you today,” the smile on his face has dropped and he doesn’t hide the hurt in his eyes.  

“I just have stuff to do,” you look away from his eyes as you speak.  

“What stuff?”

“I have a busy week, I need to do some cleaning.”

“Well I could help you.”  

“It will be boring Tae, you stay here and hang out with the guys today.”

“But I just said I want to hang out with you today, I don’t care what we do.”

“I just… I just think maybe I want to be alone today.”

“What’s up Y/N? Why are you pushing me away? Is it because of Jade?”

“I don’t even know Jade, it has nothing to do with her,” your tone starts to get angrier as Tae pushes the topic. This conversation was not helping your hangover or your heart.  

“Well you seemed pissed off with her last night,” Tae hasn’t stopping looking at you for the whole conversation, eyes boring into you trying to read every reaction you gave.  

“I wasn’t pissed off at her.”

“Pissed off at me, pissed off at her, it’s the same thing at this point.”

“As I said, I was drunk. I have no right to be pissed off at you or whoever you choice to speak to. We’re just friends, you can speak to whoever the hell you want,” at this you stand up done with the conversation. Tears threatened your eyes as you gathered your stuff off the floor. You could normally control your emotions but this horrendous hangover was making you particularly emotional.  

“Y/N,” you hear Tae get up off the bed and start to walk towards you. “Please talk to me. What’s up?”

You breath out as you crouch on the floor. Should you really do this, tell him how you feel. It was probably your fragile state but you were done playing these games. You hated feeling what you were currently feeling whenever Tae spoke to any woman. You couldn’t believe what you were about to say. You stand up and turn around so your eyes were looking into Taes. You could see the worry and hurt in them. You sigh again and look down to his chest, you don’t think you will be able to confess this to his face, too scared of how he might react.  

“I wasn’t pissed off at that girl. I wasn’t pissed off at you. I was jealous. I saw the way you looked at her and I wished you looked at me like that.” Tears start to come to your eyes again as you try to hold yourself together. “I know we’re just friends but I don’t know if I can be just your friend anymore Tae. I don’t know how to say this but I like you, I like you a lot more than friends like their friends.”

You don’t dare look up at Taes face but the way his body stiffens and the silence that fills the room says everything that he clearly couldn’t say.  

“But you know, I’m not psycho, I don’t just expect you to like me like that back. I just think it should be out in the open if it's affecting our friendship.”

The silence continues and you risk looking up to his face. He is no longer looking at you but the wall behind you. His eyes have glazed over and you can see the shock on his face.  

“Anyway I’m going to head off, like I said I have a lot of stuff to do,” you ramble on.  

You scramble to gather up your remaining things shoving them in your bag as you almost run for the door. As you reach to tug the door open a hand stops the door from opening.  

“I’m sorry.”

You turn around to look at Tae, his hand pressed against the door so his arm is by your head. He is a lot closer than you expected.  

“You have nothing to be sorry about,” you whisper out his face so close to yours you don’t see the need to speak any louder. “I didn’t expect you to feel the same.”

“No you don’t understand, I’m so sorry for making you feel like crap.”

The tears you have been holding back slowly start to slide out of your eyes.

“I had no idea you felt that way about me,” he brushed the tears off your face. “You should have said something sooner, hell I should have noticed sooner. Y/N I’m so sorry.”

The tears still continue to stream down your face as you try to take in what he’s saying.

“Kiss me?” He whispers out.  

At this you go still. What the hell was he saying? You’d been waiting so long to hear those words and now he spoke them you couldn’t comprehend what he was asking.  

He chuckles seeing the confusion in your eyes. He whips a few more tears that escape your eyes and places some hair behind your ear.  

“I have liked you for ages Y/N but thought you didn’t see me in that way so didn’t want to ruin our friendship,” he smiles down at you. “Kiss me?” He repeats and this time you smile and nod.  

He leans in slightly as his hand travels to your jaw stroking it as his eyes close. You lean up to meet him hands going to his neck as your lips meet. You both moan out as your lips move against each other. He pushes you back against the door so you are trapped with his body pushed up against you. You feel his tongue slide against your lips as you smile. You break away before you can go any further, but rest your forehead against his as you stare at each other.  

“This is not how I imagined this happening,” you smile at him.

“Oh and how did you imagine it?”

“Well I did not expect to have the worst hangover in history as I declared my love to you, it's been a rollercoaster of emotions today and its only midday.”

“Your love hey?” He smiles at you.  

“Oh shut up.”

He pecks you on the lips a few times.  

“Come on, let's get back to that film day. I vote we watch Legally Blonde next,” he takes your hand dragging you back to the bed where you find your earlier position and smile as Tae finds the film.  

[uponrightful]

Hi! I’ve just finished Welcome Company-it was so good, your writing is amazing! I have a question about one of the last scenes if that’s OK? Partly about Pups point of view, because a lot of what happened to her post Order 66 is clearly in her mind, but seems to read differently emotionally later if that makes sense? I’d also like to know why you decided to include the scene of Pup having to fight one last time. -RebelMedic99

“Wolffe! Please!” She sobbed through the pain and fear, whimpering when the kid pulled her own arm around her throat, locking in a chokehold she was unable to break from. He laughed dryly in her ear, yanking on her broken wrist to elicit another scream.

“He’s not coming back you little slut.” He fell into another fit of laughter, “And even if he did you’ll be so used he won’t even want to look at you.” His evil words cut right through her. She was already broken, and yet another piece was about to be taken, and smashed on the floor right in front of her. She felt the pain of his remarks, feeling just as useless as he’d appraised.

She wanted to fight anyways.

The pain in her wrist didn’t subside, but it wasn’t going to stop until she got his filthy hands off her. And without that blaster, she really didn’t have a chance at getting off the ship, or keeping the ship safe until Wolffe got back. She struggled to keep her breath even, fighting to pull her broken wrist out of his grasp so she could get free.

Think fast…

Get him off guard…

“You really want me?” She choked out, wincing from the abrasive words cutting at her tongue. If he was that young, there was a chance he’d fall for it and drop the -hopefully- act long enough for her to grab the upper hand.

“You’re a fucking slut! Already turning towards the closest man you can get in your pants!” He snarled, yanking her wrist again. The girl held back her cry, again repeating the question for him, praying it would make a bigger impact this time.

“I’ll behave. I promise.” She faked convincingly enough through her tears. The kid’s grip faltered just for a second before retaining its unflinching need to inflict pain again. Yet, by miracle, he released her wrist and stepped back with the blaster dropped down at his side. Miraculously, his anger suddenly disappeared, and a look of disbelief came over him.

“Pick me.” He ordered harshly, as she turned to face him.

Everything moved so quickly.

Commentary Track for Welcome Company

Copy 500 words -or more- of any of my fics and I’ll give my thoughts/rambles on what was going through my head -or the character’s- when I wrote it!

*send one in here*

This one is challenging, but we'll see if I can explain it without sounding like a complete dumbass... 😅

***

We'll start with addressing her emotional shift towards Order 66 first, and that will help set up the reasoning why she had this "last stand" at the end. (This won't be from her POV, it'll make things a little simpler.)

Pup's true knowledge of what Order 66 is comes in small bits and pieces after she flees Coruscant. It's obvious right away that something changed, but it's not for a really long time that she finds out that there might be something "unwilling" about the whole situation. In this time frame -of a couple years- she's actually left to her own devices and thought-process to make sense of it all. And a couple of years can really take a toll on someone's perception of what is really going on.

There is talk of manipulation, and how 'robotic' the clones are. All of it culminating in a bunch of half-assed theories as to why they suddenly have this unbending will for the Empire when they fought for the Republic for so long. (The bar fight Wolffe was in, is where I tried to explore this a little bit with the Cerean.) But Pup only hears rumors, and those weak excuses aren't enough to dissuade her fear of seeing troopers again. Because ultimatley, there are hundreds of them who'd been to her home, and in her mind, it's possible that they could come after her and punish her for that. It's not a realistic fear, but if you combine it with her last experience with a clone, it's one that would easily create a serious emotional trigger.

I meant for it to be a tad bit confusing when reading her emotions. Pup wants to love the clones -and she still does- but seeing one of them in real life would be fucking terrifying. Their sweet memories are always there, and she does her best to only think of those. However it's easy to be reminded of why she can't still see them, when she's living on a backwater planet to try and reassure herself that she'll never have to risk seeing a clone again. Because all of the love that they'd given her -in her mind- is completely gone the second she's shot by one.

And her entire being is damaged assuming that Wolffe is no different than the rest of them. Pup knows all the clones are acting this way, and Wolffe is really no exception. So even though she loves him dearly it's really scary when she sees him for the first time after all these years. Is he safe? Is there something still wrong with him? Does he want to take her with him, back to the Empire? These are all questions she has, because she's never seen a clone after Order 66 without a functioning chip.

The reason her change of heart is so sudden, is because Pup didn't let go of the good memories she had of her troopers. That integral part of her character is to forgive and be patient -even if she's been damaged by something or someone. Yes, she keeps it bottled up. But that was because she couldn't get rid of her base traits. You can't wholly change your personality very easily, and Pup never really wanted to in the first place. She was just forced to create this harder persona so she could survive. Then after Wolffe comes back, and he's painstakingly careful in trying to prove that he's not under influence any longer, it makes that desire to care for him -like she's always had- come back much smoother.

(It's a continuity error that I never gave a proper scene dedication to it; But I did have a draft that included an Order 66 conversation with Rex and Pup during that scene in Chapter 14.)

I chose not to include it because I wanted someone to focus on Pup's traumas faced during the transition period of planet-hopping. It might sound cruel of me to not include his struggles, but they've been covered so many times in other fics, that I gave the assumption my "Initial Implementation" scene and "Chip Removal Scene" would be emotionally sympathetic and exploratory enough of how Wolffe felt during and after, without needing to express it to you directly. Not to mention, after Pup and Wolffe are reunited, she's not stupid enough to not infer that it was against his will. She quite frequently notes throughout that his guilty looks and hesitancy to make physical contact with her are very noticeable and telling of how he feels about his time with the Empire.

All of this said, now her fight scene:

Right before they leave the cabin, she's feeling a little loss of home. But really, Pup never had too much of an attachment to her house on Takodana in the first place. What's really getting her emotional at this point is the realization that she finally has Wolffe back. It's security she's wanted this whole time, and although the boys aren't letting her help with the bounty, she's willing to do whatever they want because she understands that they've got the experience here. Plus, she's really not physically able to do a whole lot after her slight hypothermia exposure.

I wanted her weak for this: Emotionally, physically, mentally. It had to be that way for a reason.

Until this point, Pup hasn't ever shown a real motivation to fight for anything, other than making the trip to the outpost to save her friend. BUT. That's risking herself to save someone else. Pup has never done anything for her own benefit, without it being equally helpful for someone else. Even when she got Wolf, it wasn't just for herself. Iahcen was getting something out of it as well.

I know it's cliche, but her last moments alone on that ship waiting was where her character development needed to reach and end. Because I made the overarching plot of fighting for love, but I needed that same lesson to be learned in-story, as well to round it out. It had to be Pup, because she's been running this whole time. Wolffe can't learn it, because he's been fighting the entire time.

The kid is a symbol of kindness not being returned. This is key, because Pup has always been nice -even when she didn't need to be. And he attacks her for that. He comes in as the tool to show her that being kind doesn't always work; And sometimes you have to stand against something, instead of running or letting someone run over her. I also made certain to have the kid attack Wolffe's character. This was essential, because Pup has nothing else she wants to fight for. Wolffe has always been her one essential thing, and he was what made her realize that being a little selfish and desiring something isn't a bad thing. This kid is a product of her sympathetic nature, and he's willingly insulting and threatening her chance at having the one thing Pup has always wanted.

Pup needed fight or flight, and the only time her 'fight mode' kicks in, is when she realizes there's something she wants. On Coruscant, she had nothing, so she ran. Pup wanted to live for Wolffe, in the hopes that he might still be alive, and that was the first time her fight response kicked in. Then her friend was in danger of dying, that was the second time she chose to fight.

Her love and security in Wolffe was being threatened, and that was Pup's final character development, and why she needed this fight scene without Wolffe -or anyone else's assistance- in the matter.

***

I hope this wasn't garbage 😅 and I explained it decently... If not, please let me know. I'll do anything I can to answer your questions!

Much Love, Rightful 🤍

[quitethepirategal]

An Analysis in Threes

❥ TAGGED BY: @emcads​ like 30 years ago ❥ TAGGING: @riidcr​ @starsailingcaptain​ @covencrown​ @hookd​ @all-fleshed-out​ @evermxre​ @motherofredemption​ @bup1957​ @conquistadoradelmar​ @seaprofound​ @tcthinecwnself​ @withinycu​ @windguided​ @daevilhorns​ @concordia-cum-sinistro​ and YOU and I spent like 8 hours on this so pLEASE READ IT PLEASE I AM BEGGING I NEED VALIDATION I’M-

     repost don’t reblog. yall dont have to type this much.

MUSE: Captain Red Handed Jessica

Three Strengths:

     Her adaptability and resourcefulness.  Is she brave, yes.  Is she lucky, also yes.   But over all, she can roll with the cards she’s been dealt in a way that many would call inhumanly clever.  Her intelligence, her perception, and her charisma are all different ingredients of this indomitable characteristic of hers.  She can see the value in just about anything and anyone, can pick up on clues and tangents few others can follow, and can remember seemingly endless details, tho unfortunately not on command.  But even then, her patchy memory seems to contribute to this adaptability as well, as it usually allows for detachment.  If she can find resources everywhere, it means she can survive everywhere. There have been countless times where the wheel of fortune has suddenly turned on her and she’d lost near everything and her response was more or less Damn, ok I need food water and shelter lets go.  No food?  Grow food.  No water?  Ask someone if they have water.  No shelter?  Sleep outside.  No money?  Steal money.  Can’t hear anymore?  Cool I can use loud weapons.  Crashed on an island?  My island now.  Shot?  Free bullet.  She knows when to push, she knows when to quit, and sometimes she knows when to gamble based on her ability ( what a man can do and what he can’t do and all that ).  Strong she may be, she knows its foolish to rely on strength.  Survival of the fittest actually rarely means survival of the strongest. ( edit; this is the theme for the entirety of her character. I will say it 50,000 times. I am very sorry ).  And as a student of philosophy and biology, she understands that phrase better than most. Leading to our next point.

     Her understanding.  As I stated, her charisma is something unmatched, and is a key element in all three of her strengths.  This charisma might not exist as prominently were it not for her ability to understand.  She has limited ( I’ll get back to that ) but deep running empathy and while not terribly observant all the time, she is always perceptive.  Not only that, but she’s personally known abuse, hardship, and uncertainty, and understands that hate or anger can be rooted in similar pain.  She was schooled lightly in both Christian and Buddhist values before diving heavily into democratic philosophy, meaning she believes all being experience suffering and therefore kindness is a powerful sign of strength, but also that suffering while free and equal is better than comfort in oppression.  And between her sweet words and beautiful face, she can get most people to open up in ways they themselves my not have expected.  Being very good with people means she can learn from them, gain something from them, lead them, and/or use them.  But Jessica isn’t a manipulator in truth; her intentions are almost always kind or healthy ones.  She absolutely uses people from time to time but not EVER without them consenting to or being made aware of such because again, unlike a manipulative person, she understands that can ruin a relationship and therefore ruin a resource.  What it makes for is an excellent leader, a beloved captain, and a trusted ally at most and an excellent conversationalist at the least.      But her understanding isn’t just social, oh no.  It’s academic as well.  Armed only with his little library and the lessons of his own teachers, Jessica’s foster father tirelessly smithed her into a not just a girl who knew a lot of things, but a truly intelligent, thinking mind. He’d die before learning he’d succeeded tenfold.  Jessica isn’t one to just except things as they are, facts or otherwise.  She usually needs to prove it, experiment, see things from a new angle.  Debates with her are fun!  She has no issue admitting she’s wrong or confessing she’s never thought of it that way, and is actually wrong a lot of the time.  It doesn’t bruise her ego, it excites her.  It means there’s more to learn.  And her ability to constantly understand new concepts paired with her ability to overwhelmingly understand people combine to make for a very powerful core idea of hers:  We are fittest to survive because we all fit together.  Our humanity, our empathy, our community are our strengths because they keep us united, which keeps us the fittest.  No one is independent, no man is an island.  People are power. And thus her final strength is just that.

     Her power.  While she and I still firmly state that strength isn’t everything don’t be disillusioned; its very goddamn important.  And it’s something Jessica has plenty of.  She is durable and clever because of her rocky early childhood, she is quick and versatile from her youth in a pirate port, she is physically strong and mighty from her years training in martial arts, and she’s an absolute crackshot after years of diligent practice with her trusty pistols.  Her true strength may lie in her brains and in her allies yes, but even without them, Red Jessica is a powerhouse of a warrior.  She can end fights extremely quickly or run from them without a prayer of catching her ( no shame in the later, both skills keep you alive ).  And it may be in bad taste to say, but ever since loosing most of her hearing, Jess swears up and down it’s made her vision better, her reaction time faster, and her quick thinking even quicker.  Yes of course she’s slowed down with age, but a bullet shoots at the same speed no matter how old you are.  And you best hope she didn’t bring her firecrackers, because while sudden loud noises will absolutely temporarily discombobulate or debilitate an opponent with healthy hearing, it’ll hardly effect her at all and suddenly, you’re a sitting duck.  You see those thighs?  You see those calves?  She can crush PINEAPPLES with them!  People have seen her do it!  Do you know how many micro-fractures broke and rebuilt those hands?  Thousands!  She can crush a trachea like a fucking beer can!  She can kick you to death!  One ill placed curb stomp and you are DECEASED.  Sometimes she’ll just psyche you out because she KNOWS you know she can kill your stupid ass!       But while her strength, mental and physical, have always been there, her power is relatively new.  As stated before, people are power.  Not knowledge, not money, not strength.  People.  She’s a fearsome warrior but she’d be useless if outnumbered.  Shes a very successful pirate, but she’d never make it out of port without a crew on her ship.  She found a gorgeous island, but it’d still be wild without those who built it’s piers and buildings.  She manages orchards and tends to them and harvests them herself, but she would loose all of her crop without the helping hands of her employed farmers.  And like I mentioned, she deeply understands this.  Freedom is not independence or vice versa.  Did you make the clothes on your back or the fabric that made those clothes?  Did you write the books you read to make you smarter or teach you that skill?  Did you plant the seed years ago that grew that orange you’re eating?  No, of course not.  Jessica didn’t either.  Another human did.  We all need each other to fill the holes in our lives that we can’t fill ourselves.  Humans are puzzle pieces in that way, there is no bigger picture or prayer for survival on our own.  And because of this, we can do anything we as a community, as a SPECIES work together to achieve.  There is no knowledge if there’s no one to learn from, there is no money if a society don’t give it value, your money is worthless if those you’re paying decide to rise against you, your role as leader only exists at the consent of those you lead, and your strength won’t save you from a sinking ship.  People are, and always will be, power.       And as someone who is exceptionally strong and exceedingly smart, Jessica has slotted herself in the humanity puzzle thusly: The strong exist to protect the weak, the smart exist to educate, and the lucky exist so the unlucky may be given aid.  And it is with this fairness and compassion that she has won the trust of so many.  She has a great many friends and allies even outside of those in her crew or on her island.  And she can make many more with ease.  That kind of power is not a power to be trifled with, even if she can kick your ass six ways to Saturday without it. 

Three Weaknesses:

     She suffers ADHD.  Now before ANY OF Y’ALL SAY ANYTHING, I myself also suffer ADHD.  And yes I do say suffer because well that’s what it causes for Jessica and I, suffering.  Yes, it is ableist language to say ‘suffering from’ rather than ‘has’ or ‘is diagnosed with’ and yes it perpetuates a stigma against us but god DAMN IT in both Jessica’s case and mine, it make life much much harder than it needs to be.  At the end of the day, Red Jessica is a fantasy of mine; I pour myself into her whether I mean to or not.  She’s the adult I wish I was, the person I might be if I had no anxiety, or brainfog, or lived in a world were I didn’t need a credit score or a degree. And even then, I can’t say I know anyone else’s problems better than my own.  So if my character has problems, by sheer osmosis they are going to reflect some of mine.  Both of the characters I write have ADHD because I have ADHD and I couldn’t even begin to know how a non-ADHD mind works to write it properly.  And no, I’m not being dramatic when I say it causes me suffering.  I can’t drive, I can’t hold down a job, I nearly flunked out of school, I still cant read very fast or spell very well, I am constantly overwhelmed by mundane things, I’m a slow learner, I forget very important things or recent things, I forget about things that mean the world to me, I forget about people, I stumble through tasks, I procrastinate hobbies and basic hygiene, and everything I do takes all goddamn day and I can only really do one important thing at a time and in order of importance.  If I have a date at 4pm, I’m dressed and ready at 11am because I’ve gotta do the important thing first or else I will forget to do the important thing.  I started typing this at a little before 5pm.  It’s 7;30.  It’ll probably be 10 o’clock at night by the time I fucking finish ( edit: l m a o its 1am bitch you thought ).  I’m 26 and am just medicated enough to barely function.  So yeah.  Suffering is the word.       Though for Jessica, perhaps suffering is a tad strong of a word.  Her ADHD affects her ability to function in far less debilitating ways ( though whether that’s a result of a less severe diagnosis than me or the result of the society, situations, and responsibilities she functions in and around are far different from mine, who’s to say ).  For her, she has very consuming hyperfixations that can last anywhere between weeks to decades, a spotty memory that is detail and memento oriented,  she’s scatterbrained more often then not but can focus with amazing clarity on her interests or in high adrenaline situations, is is ABYSMALLY bad at math and EXCRUCIATINGLY bad with numbers ( as opposed to me, who is good at numbers but shit at spelling or reading ), she can forget anything no matter how important it is to her or to anyone, she’s bad with names and dates, is COMPLETELY time-blind, has trouble prioritizing, and of course, wile not actually that materialistic, she absolutely has the ol’ magpie instinct.       While her poor memory assists in her adaptability and ability to move on, it also means she forgets things she needed to remember, like when the last time she bathed was and who this person is and what happened between her and someone else or what conversation’s shes had.  Unfortunately this means she’s a very good friend and leader... while you’re around and interacting with her on at least a weekly basis.  It’s almost a lack of object permanence in both a social and very real sense.  If something is not right in front of her, odds are she’s not going to think about it.  And while its something she constantly kicks herself for and actively tries to be better about, it applies to people too.  Face to face is the best way to interact with her; she won’t think to write you and in her modern verse she won’t think to ever call and she’ll text you back in perhaps a few days.  She doesn’t value you any less, I promise.  She’s just either distracted or overwhelmed.  Also, for someone as understanding as her, she is surprisingly self-centered.  Not selfish, self-centered.  She’ll talk about herself more than she should, and will assume people understand that she’s doing so as a form of showing empathy rather than bragging when they may not know this at all.  Actually she accidentally assumes all the time.  It was far worse when her hearing was functional; she’d finish your sentence for you or guess what it was you were going to say ( again, not to talk over, you but to show she understands you and the conversation, tho it usually came of as annoying or patronizing ).  Sometimes she mistakenly assumes you believe or know the same things she does without even realizing it.  Maybe she perceives the right idea off of someone but isn’t observant enough to notice anything past that.  And while she is willing to change her mind about things, she might change her mind a tad too quickly.  She’s an over-sharer and is horrible at keeping any kind of secret.  Romantic relationships tend to fizzle out. Her impulse control is improving but has a VERY long way to go. She’s always chasing something new.       All and all, when you’re a pirate, a librarian, or even a captain, all of these things may be irritating and inconvenient, but are overall manageable in chunks.  ...But as a governor to her island, as a leader of an entire population... oof. In the position of leadership that she’s in, she can’t afford to make too many massive mistakes, and she knows this.  ‘There is no power quite like the power of being underestimated’ is a phase you’ll hear her say a lot but for her, there is a shift in connotation.  If people expect less and you do more that’s a great upper hand in any situation but for her, it was a safety net.  Having ADHD sometimes means going months or years being fine and then eventually you fuck up and everyone around you wonders how in the world you managed to do that.  She has only barely avoided disaster more times than she’d like to admit.  Even with the resourcefulness, the understanding, and the power she wields, she’s finally starting to realize that she’s bit off more than she might be able to chew, with the entire well-beings and livelihoods of others on the line.  And she fears that one day she’ll play her cards wrong and everything she’d built, everything she’s done, will all come crashing down in ruin.

     She is Hard of Hearing.  This one is literally as simple as it sounds: she has moderate and degenerative hearing loss and tinnitus after years of canons, explosions, gunshots, and a definitive, scale tipping attack in her early 30s.  Her ears just don’t work at all like they used to.  The whole world sounds like it would if everything was underwater: she can’t pin point the location of sounds, how far off or close sounds are, and barely registers changes in volume. And it only gets worse the older she gets; one day she won’t hear anything at all.  And while yes, again, it might be very harsh and ableist to say, the truth of the matter that being deaf a “ weakness ” more often than its a strength.       That said, it very well can be a strength.  I’ve already mentioned that trick with the firecrackers and let me tell you it is a DAMN EFFECTIVE TRICK.  Shes around explosions and canons and guns all the time and now she can focus while being around them five times better than she could in the past!  But unfortunately it also means she’s very easy to sneak up on, she sometimes isn’t aware of danger until it’s nearly too late,  no one can get her attention or warn her across any distance, it’s very easy to escape from her, and it’s easy for her to be just... left out of things.  She might hear you talking, but she has little to no idea what you’re saying without sign or lipreading.  Some people don’t have the patience or even just the courtesy to speak slower, or clearer, or repeat themselves a lot.  Though, those last too thinks aren’t weaknesses of hers so much as they are the weakness of others, but they still negatively affect her self esteem and her effectiveness as a leader.       All of this has taught her to pick her battles carefully, and plan around the elements of surprise and discombobulation.  And while communication was tricky at first, it only got easier, and now she can talk to you almost like anyone can, so long as she’s looking you in the face. 

     That damn bleeding heart.  We have established a number of things that should easily add up to an overly empathetic, trusting, fight-the-good-fight, martyr-some, idealistic pushover;  she believes humanity and kindness are strengths, she has taken on the role of leader and then a provider, she has known suffering and tasked herself with ending the suffering of others to the best of her ability,  she lacks the clarity of mind to assume people aren’t just as good or capable as her automatically, she can have poor impulse control at times,  she wants to have relationships, and ( while I never stated this outright yet it can be inferred  ), she believes that being able to see yourself in others is the foundation of humanity and ( as i did say outright ) humanity is what keeps us unified and unity is what makes us fit and strong.  Keeping up?  Good. Here’s the curve ball: How can she whole hardheartedly preach and believe all of this, to the point of it being the foundation of her character, WHILE BEING A VIOLENT THIEVING AND BLOODTHIRSTY PIRATE?!  HOW, MANGO? HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?! MAKE IT MAKE SENSE!!  Ok, fine, sure, I will. I’m sure about one half of you are looking up from the screen and going “ Oh yeah, wow I totally forgot that bit. “ and the other half got about two and a half paragraphs in before squinting and silently calling bullshit. So let me explain.      In short, she’s a detached hypocrite and is well aware and unashamed of her hypocrisy while far less aware of her detachment. I’ll cover both:  Western culture as a whole seems to be under the impression that hypocrisy, despite context or importance, is automatically bad.  I don’t know where this comes from personally ( my bet is Christianity but I have exactly 0 evidence ) but its a very... flawed idea.  Take the freedom of speech vs racism problem; say you owned a bar where all could speak their mind freely over cold drinks.  Excellent concept without context, right?  Sure. ....Then a die hard racist covered in slurs and symbols walks in and orders- what are you going to do?  The correct answer is to throw him out instantly.  Not let him sit so long as he doesn’t cause trouble, not just ignore him and hope he doesn’t return, you throw him out.  Is it hypocritical?  Yep!  Sure is!  But it is also 100% necessary to protect your other patrons because if you don’t, the racist starts feeling safe and bringing his racist buddies, literally everyone else starts feeling unsafe and starts to hang out elsewhere, and two months later, ta da!  You now own a n*zi bar and there is literally nothing you can do about it. Jessica is in a somewhat similar situation.  You as a pretend bar owner need to make a decision as who to let into your bar and who to throw out for the good of all of your patrons.  Jessica too is faced daily with that decision.  If she want’s to help as many people as possible, the only realistic way she can do that are by protecting those under her leadership... only.  She is surrounded by hateful, angry, sneaky, traitorous, abusive, or otherwise evil people.  Piracy as a profession and poverty in general can do that to a person.  Of course there is a clear difference between those down on their luck and desperate, and the truly cruel and twisted, but unfortunately both types of people yield the same wrongdoings.  It’s absolutely her nature to extend a hand to anyone and everyone but.... she just can’t anymore.  Too many times has her trust been betrayed, too many times has she gotten in peoples business trying to be helpful, only for her to absolutely bite her in the ass.  Too many time the extended hand is bitten and once or twice, she’s actually made things worse.       Now, she will only help someone she loves, someone under her leadership, or someone who seeks her out.  That’s it.  And even then, sometime it manages to bite er in the ass.  But she had to set that hard limit for herself out of necessity, one she does her absolute best to adhere too and... these days she adheres a little too well. That leads us to our next point; what I was alluding to at the beginning of her Understanding essay when I said she has limited but deep running empathy.  That detachment again, courtesy of a very unattached mother and unchecked ADHD. ( It isn’t a strong enough characteristic to even rank as a strength or a weakness but damn if it isn’t an undercurrent to a lot of her motivations and experiences. ) Strangers are fair game that she tries to ignore, but if she even perceives you as a threat, you could be in danger. Like anyone used to violence or perhaps anyone trapped in an us verses them mindset, she can just... flat... turn her empathy off.  Not on command, she’s not a socio or psychopath persay.  But she has become totally numb to the horror of violence via her warrior upbringing that, in her mind, violence can actually be rather fun. Pair that with the fact that she purposely tailored herself to only be empathetic to her allies and boom.  You get a kindhearted killer.  Cops and soldiers in our world do it literally every day.  Actually anyone can do it really, even you if you tried. You don’t have to be evil or even angry to kill or steal or lie... you just have to believe you’re right.

Three Secrets:

     WHAT SECRETS?!  LMAO this bitch is the oversharing queen!! I’ve been typing and pondering her character for literal hours ( its currently 11:16, fuck you adderall ), and I still can not think of a single goddamn secret.  There is nothing about her that at least five random people don’t fucking know about!! The only secrets she has are secrets she knows about other people and even then she is!! literally the worst!! She spills her guts left and right and yet she wants to be a mysterious bitch SO BAD like BABE I love you, you’re precious, but you are a dumbass attention seeking validation chasing adhd CLOWN girl!! Stop telling random people about your hermaphroditism or your dairy allergy or your dead dad or that time you fell asleep in a barrel like that is literally your uber driver Jessica honey come ooooon. I’m skipping this section mom holy fuck.

Three Fears:

     What if she does wrong by everyone who trusts her?  As stated at the end of the ADHD essay, she’s terrified of failing those she leads.  Where it as simple as personal failure, she’d be fine.  Ever if her entire world came crashing down on top of her she’d either die or start back from square one.  Death is a fact of life and her adaptability means she can just dust herself off and move on, so neither her death nor her failures really scare her... But it isn’t just her life and happiness at stake, is it? Not anymore, right?  What started as a leader of a small gang of rebels became a full crew, then a crew became a slew of allies, then those allies built a town and now... now she’s the governor of the Crimson Isle and there are nearly twenty five HUNDRED lives at her mercy.   HER mercy.  One really, really bad mistake could ruin their livelihoods or spark disorder and disloyalty.  And if she died?  Would whoever it is that will take her place be as good to them as she is?  Is she good enough to begin with in the first place? Every day the paperwork gets a little bit thicker, every year there’s a new baby or two.  And the isle has fertile soil sure but will it last?  Are they prepared for a raid or a hurricane?  And if Jessica trusts the wrong people, where her people right to trust her?  ...can I protect them? Can I protect them?! CAN I PROTECT THEM?!

     Who am I if I’m not interesting?  This is, literally, an entirely subconscious fear.  She’s not at all aware it exists and therefor this entry is short. But between her short time with her very unimpressed mother, her own ADHD, she is constantly hungry for attention without even realizing it.  She must be interesting and intriguing and engaging, and I did mention she wants to also be mysterious.  She wants not so much your input or even your validation - but rather if shes not perceived then.... is she really there? Remember, she is unaware of any of this.  And fortunately she’d never been starved for attention to act out over it in the first place, even when her disinterested mother was alive. Look at her; she’s radiant, she’s beautiful, and she’s 6′4 / 195 cm shredded and covered in cool scars. Without even opening her mouth, without even her colorful clothes, she’s kind of automatically interesting.  So she’s never been so desperate for attention that she acts out because she’s never been without it for very long.  But it’s there. Hungry, aching, silent.  Those years after the M branding were horrible and she could never really explain why.  She still throws parties, organizes festivals, and talks to damn near anyone who will listen.  Look at my art!  Look at my library! Listen to how much I know! Let me tell you how lovely you are! Look at my scares! Look at my hair! Look at me haha, please, please look at me. 

     GHOSTS. NOPE. No. NO. Fuck ALL of that noise. Stay dead, go to hell, eat a dick.  Red Jessica is a scientist and superstitious atheist. As an academic and somewhat bi-cultural woman she simply thinks there are far too many religions with far too much history for any of them to be considered The One True Thing You Must Believe Or ElseTM and she tends to not truly believe anything until she finds some kind of proof.  Shes not afraid of the unknown, shes thrilled by it. She’s not afraid of death or the afterlife, that’s beyond her control. She’s only superstitious because she does believe in and value luck, and also its a bit of a cultural habit. BUT IF SOME SHIT STARTS MOVING ON ITS OWN OR IF SHE SEES SOME BULLSHIT IN THE CORNER OF HER EYE THEN SHE IS OUT OF THERE. OUTIE 5000. She has heard the tales of lost souls from purgatory or the eternally ravenous Pret or dangerous Phi Tai Hong or the tragic and startling Banshees or the creepy Santa Compana and she wouldn’t believe a word of it where it not for one thing.      SHE FUCKING SAW ONE. She’ll never forget it, it was the first and last time she EVER attempted to plunder a tomb all Skyrim style and at first she thought it was one of the crewmean being creepy as shit until she got a good look and he was SEE THROUGH AS SHIT AND SKINNY AS FCUK AND SHE GOT LITERALLY CHASED THE FUCK OUT OF THAT JOINT. She does not CARE that some ghosts are just apparitions she does not CARE that some are friendly and trying to warn her of something if you are MOVING and DEAD at the SAME time get FUCKED. If any of y’all cringe try-hards bring a Ouija board to the party you are getting SENT HOME and BLOCKED. NO CAP.

Three Goals:

   She really only has one left. Listen its... almost 1am and ive been typing since like 5pm i think i covered goals somewhere in here but ive gotta throw in the towel but even then I’m kinda being serious.  Her only remaining goal is to find a suitable heir of some kind.  She wants what she’s built to fall into worthey hands but she could never seem to find a good parter and even when she did she couldn’t sustain a pregnancy ( you’d think that would be a huge deal but it hardly mattered to her oddly ).  So at 50 the option of having kids is out but there’s still plenty of hope for either adoption or a protege.  But then again, she’s so busy these days that she hardly prioritizes it like she wants to.  

                                                                               holy shit i need some water...

[calypsoff2]

Three.

Pressing a kiss to Chris’ lips as he slept, it’s barely hit seven, but I am awake early, he is tired from the events of yesterday. We had the most fun together, I have enjoyed my time away and less stress. I sometimes think maybe I should have stuck to one child; I don’t know, and I can’t really say if it was beneficial if I had just Rylee because at the time I fell pregnant it was just not the best time. I fainted when I found out, I wasn’t ready with Tianna and I feel I failed her for that reason, I wasn’t ready for two babies under two. It put so much pressure on me that I did run, Tianna was named by Chris, she was named by her dad and when I gave birth to her I didn’t connect with her, but I did what was right by her; just as I would with a baby, I feel bad because I really wasn’t ready, but I have myself to blame, it is on me. Just like with Imani, again. Chris named her and I wasn’t ready, nothing was planned, and I halve failed the two so much, because I wasn’t ready, I was more ready to venture out and build my company, Chris. He was there for me so much and I feel like he felt bad that it happened, but it wasn’t his fault, I guess I should be more careful, but I just kept getting caught pregnant at times of my life where I was doing my next venture and Tianna, she really came at the wrong time. She just came when we was preparing dates for the tour, then we had to cancel, reschedule and as soon as she hit six months I was gone, I felt the bond wasn’t there but Chris, he’s an angel and he was there for the girls, Rylee was always kind of jealous of Tianna because of her being the youngest, it was always Rylee no don’t do this and that, stay away from her so she didn’t have a good time at all with her sister. It’s been sad for her; I feel sad for her too. Our fault I guess, that is all we can do and say really. Using my finger and and dragging Chris’ lower lip down, he isn’t waking up and he needs too because I want him to wake up and entertain me “Chris” pecking his lips again “wake up please” he lifted his head up half asleep “huh!” I laughed out, careful not to wake Tianna, she has been sleeping in the middle, but I got out of bed and made myself fit on the end next to Chris “why are you breathing in my face” oh he is moody, I just laughed “wake up please” he closed his eyes again “I said” gripping his bulge, his eyes shot open “awake?” he nodded his head, I am glad he is awake.

Chris dragged himself out of bed and dragged his feet as he made his way over to me “it’s early Robyn, what the hell? You have been terrible all night, worst part was when you wanted to fit next to me” I laughed “it’s just, I have a lot on my mind Chris. I just can’t sleep; I can’t shut off. I feel a little nervous about being with Tianna” Chris sat down on the couch “what do you mean?” he questioned “I feel bad, I haven’t been the mother I thought I would be. Like when I had Rylee it was what I wanted, it was a turning point for me and honestly. Tianna came when I wasn’t ready, I feel bad Chris I do. I failed her; this wasn’t her fault, but I just wasn’t ready. You have been so good, you took it better than me, you were there for these girls throughout and I always thought you wouldn’t, that you would at one point be useless with Rylee when I was pregnant but it’s me, you chose the girls over work, and it shows. I just failed my kids Chris, then Imani. I felt disconnected with it, we were also going through therapy, we were going through all of that, we were fixing us and then Tianna came at that point. My emotions were just a mess Chris, and I don’t know how to put it into words and say this to her, that I failed you” I explained but it’s hurting me so much “when you had Imani and Tianna, I kind of felt it with you. Like I remember when Tianna came you was just tired and I saw the disconnect but then because you left for tour it just passed by, I felt bad that I got you pregnant too, but it’s happened Robyn, you can’t just dwell on it. You are a strong woman, I made that decision and I told you not to come home while in London, I know my wife was stressed, she is tired. You love these girls, but you also love what you do, and we can work on it. It’s never too late Robyn” Chris rubbed his face as he stifled out a yawn.

I feel bad that I woke up him up and he is so damn tired “sorry, you can go back to sleep. I feel bad” I chuckled “nah, you mean more. Tianna is a big girl Robyn, you just need to be real with her and say it came as a surprise to me, you were the surprise, and I don’t regret it, but we all make mistakes, the only regret is not being there for your birthday. Tianna is a bright girl; these girls adore you. Not once do they say mom loves her work more then us, they are taken aback by you. Proud of you, they think so highly of you but be real with her Robyn, that is what she wants. She wants your attention and your realness, I know it’s harder because it’s your own daughter, but I think you will be ok. I am going to need you to forgive yourself Robyn. I apologise, I feel we got too excited, and we just be stupid, and you got caught” pressing my lips into a hard thin line as I tried to supress my sob “I just want to be the best for them, I am missing out on it too” Chris got up from the couch and made his way over to me “you’re not, come here rabbit. You are the best, Robyn you have been so strong for us, even when you were feeling down nobody would knows it because you put that façade on for them, those girls don’t know a thing” Chris is a good man, too good for me “be real with Tianna, honestly, that is all she wants” Chris placed his arm around “it’s crazy because we have a whole eight year old, and in ten years she will be eighteen, and that scares me so fucking much Robyn, I am scared” I laughed “boyfriends and catwalks for these girls” I sniggered laughing “grey hairs for you” I added, which is true.

Tianna is becoming so grown, just sat here eating breakfast with us in the morning “do we have to go back?” Tianna said “do you want Rylee to have a meltdown?” Chris said what I was thinking “oh she will” Tianna agreed with us, she is timing us “but I know you do love your sister a lot, you bought her that bag to match with you” Tianna sighed out, she sighed out like a stressed adult “she loves me a little too much though” Tianna placed the glass down and shuffled back on the chair “what do you mean?” That is weird “I don’t know, like she hates me sad. Only she can make me sad but if anyone else makes me sad she is not happy, she gives me hugs. I need space sometimes mom” nodding my head agreeing “we all do sometimes, do you ever feel like Rylee doesn’t be nice to you?” I do wonder “erm” she paused thinking “she told me to not be sad and that people will say things, she doesn’t understand why I get sad about some things” Chris placed his hand on her shoulder “why don’t you tell mom how you feel? Shall I go and you can talk, you a big girl now” Tianna giggled staring at Chris “go on” he said, she shook her head and then her lower lip poked out, I have been so nervous about this whole thing “it’s ok to cry Tianna, don’t hold it back now” Chris coaxed her into letting her feelings be known “I am not crying” she lied giggling “baby those are tears, mommy is here. We are both here, I will go if you want?” she shook her head “stay” she strained out “Tianna I am here” I spoke up, she got up from the seat and placed her hands over her eyes and went to Chris.

I swallowed hard staring at my daughter being so sad, she is sat on Chris’ lap just being ever so emotional “I know you told me to not tell mommy but sometimes we need to know, mommy is here now” Chris said, turning to her. I don’t want to cry; I am really trying to be hard here “I really love you mommy” trying to supress that sob but it just came out like I choked “I love you too” I managed to say, “then why are you crying?” I need to suck it up, it’s Tianna’ time “kids at school say Rylee is Rihanna and when I say what am I they don’t say anything and it makes me sad” I can’t even take this “oh my god” I said, my own daughter “baby you are, you are my daughter. All three of you are my daughter” holding her face in my hands “you are mine Tianna; you don’t take what anyone says to you. You are so beautiful and so special to me Tianna; I don’t care what those kids say. They can say anything Tianna, you are me. You have me in you baby. Why does that make you sad, you don’t have to prove anything to anyone” she has got me crying, she looked at me “you my beautiful blessing, you surprised me, and you keep on doing that. You make me whole, all three of you do. I know I am busy for you girls; I am sorry, and I know you all want me home and I promise you I am going to do just that” wrapping my arms around her.

Chris left us, he went to do something, and Tianna is comfortable to talk “you got me crying, what are you like but” I breathed in “oh god, so I found I was pregnant with you. You were the biggest surprise, very big surprise. I was so shocked, I found out I was pregnant with you. We didn’t know we was having a girl; we really didn’t know. So she said she was a girl, and I was so happy but also I felt so sad. I am always so busy so bringing another baby was a shock for me. You are my beautiful surprise and I adore you so much, I feel I haven’t spent much time with you. It’s the same with Rylee, even Imani actually but just because Rylee and I had that photoshoot doesn’t mean we spent the most time, she came home after and that and it was the first time we saw each other after a week, I am busy. I can admit that but Tianna, I love you all so much. I am jealous not to be at home, I need to split my time equally, I think that is something I need to do. You tell me what you think I should do?” I asked her “Rylee never gets sad about missing you and she acts like she had more of you, I think you should take one child away every week” I laughed “every week? I think I do need to take a child away at a time, but your dad and I have decided, and we will be putting you in your own room, you will be picking out things you want. I will be home too” she smiled “like for a long time” I paused nodding my head slowly “well for now yes, I just want you to understand that you are so blessed, all three of you girls are blessed. You are all so beautiful, you don’t want to be Rihanna. You want to be Tianna” she shuffled up on the seat “I said that, and I said Tianna is like Rihanna. My mom named me that” nodding my head agreeing even though Chris did “exactly” I mumbled.

I am excited to have a spa day with Tianna, we can talk so much more with her “not going to lie, what the fuck am I going to do now that you both are going?” Chris rubbed his face displeased with the fact he going to be bored because we are gone “awww you going to miss me?” Chris rolled his eyes “not you exactly but Tianna” he is a lie “whatever, but Chris. You know when we get back to America, you need to give Jen a break, you need to do something, I mean work. You need to go to New York, it has to happen Chris, like she needs a break. She has been putting so much work” Chris nodded his head “aight, I will call Jen and let her know. But then I am going to miss you” he poked his lips out to me “I know poppa, but you need to deal with the business” pecking his lips as I wrapped my arm around his neck “ready” Tianna said, moving back from the hug “awww my ladies are ready, can daddy come?” Chris asked “it’s girls only dad” Chris groaned out “stop growing up my daughter, aight you both have fun. Not too much fun though because what about me?” he kissed Tianna and then kissed me “I love y’all, I am going bed anyways” he turned away and walked off, I wish he did come with us, he is cute.

My daughter in her robe is the cutest thing on earth, I literally had to take a picture of us both and post it because we look too cute together. Tianna loved her massage so much, so now we are doing our nails “your toes are so adorable” I said, she is having white like me of course but Chris may not like it that she has her nails done “thank you” she grinned at me “so beautiful” touching her face “dad loves you lots mom” pulling a face at her saying that “what made you say this?” that is random “because he always says I wish mom was here when we annoy him and he listens to your music when he cooks, and he has a picture of you” squinting my eyes at her “erm, what picture?” now I am concerned “its under his pillow mom, but he moved it when Rylee and I found it and then Imani lost it and he got very angry but we found it again” oh I am scared “do I have clothes on?” Tianna grinned at me and shook her head “erm what!?” I spat “I joking!” she corrected herself “I don’t believe it” what if he has a naked picture of me, she is just laughing “mom when you go to work like far away, can I come? I am big now” I paused thinking “I could, I mean why not but I will have to take Rylee too. You can both see mommy work of course” I will have to take Rylee with me, I can’t keep just picking and choosing.

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom season 2, ep 12-16 thoughts! these episodes, in comparison to the first 10 or so, felt way more laid back and low-stakes, which I appreciate sometimes. I didn't appreciate how lazy jack's halfa design was in masters of time, it made me so annoyed I redesigned it. 👎🏻 u_u

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-'picking a fight with me and my upgraded form!' 'you upgraded to a mullet?' DANNNNY. YOU CANT SAY THAT TO TECHNUS. YOUVE HAD A MULLET TWICE NOW ('fun' split danny, and evil future danny BOTH HAD THEM). I HAVE THE RECEIPTS.

-danny seeing technus hurting valerie and yelling I AM GOING TO BREAK YOU IN HALF. SAMEEEE <3

-axion labs is now a part of vladco. FUCK YOU VLAD. hes not even really IN this episode, but just thought I'd throw out a nice fuck you anyway.

-'capable of blasting a single person into space in (2) minutes!' tucker. that would kill someone. i mean yeah they might get to space, but theres NO WAY THEY WOULDNT CATCH FIRE, OR THEIR ORGANS WOULDNT LIQUIFY BECAUSE OF THE STRAIN. THEY'D PROBABLY PASS OUT BEFORE THEN, BUT. ...no, okay, I get why vlad bought this company. this is RIGHT up his alley.

-danny KNOWS VAL DIDNT DO THIS, THAT SOMEONE STOLE THE SUIT. AND SPENDING ALL NIGHT CHATTING WITH HER. <3 and val is a 9TH DEGREE BLACKBELT?? danny's mom is, too!! omg and she hunts ghosts, his parents would love her. and her fav fruit is kumquat bc its a funny word. im so with danny val is amazing. I love her and I Do Not Want To Hear It From Sam.

-I knew danny wanted to be an astronaut, but the bowling tidbit is like. yes give me more useless info abt these characters, I love tiny details that make them feel more human, and im glad hes got hobbies aside from ghost stuff, we dont really see a lot of that!!! (I mean, we knew 'fun' danny from when he split himself in half liked bowling, so obv it makes sense he LIKES it, but hes very GOOD at it. so proud of him, bowling king) val calling him neil armstrong and them teasing each other. LOVE THAT.

-technus you are my favorite grandpa for setting this up. SAM WHY ARE YOU BEING SO CREEPY BE HAPPY FOR YOUR FRIEND!!! STOP SPYING ON THEM!!! who actually cares if technus did 'set them up' together, theyre having fun and enjoy each others company!!! 'you think the universe wants you two to be together?' 'i dunno, but maybe /I/ do!' EXACTLY DANNY!!! SOO TRUE.

-and valerie being happy sam said she wants to try and be happy for them and make room at the lunch table for them. and hugging sam over it. VAL NEEDS MORE FRIENDS.

-VAL GOING AFTER TECHNUS IN HER SUIT WITH (1) MILK, AND (1) TREE BRANCH AND KEYS!!!. I LOVE YOUUUU BEST GIRL. her new suit kicks ass

-dannys like 'HEY IM AN ASTRONAUT :D' AW. ...HES IN SPACE... the fact he's actually intending to give her the ring. with SAMS NAME ON IT?? IM CRINGING DANNY NO. YOU CANT DO THAT...thank god he didnt. thank god valerie cut it off and said they can just stay friends for now. tbh, they both have a lot on their plates!! they obv both still like each other...it can be a future thing!! when she knows about phantom! youre 14 theres no need to rush. I just want her to have friends and be happy :(

-...danny struggles to do (1) pull up. SAME. but all the ghost fighting in phantom form REALLY doesnt carry over at ALL? that sucks

-sam being as fit as she is, is not just a goth. shes a goth jock.

-honey I Shrank Our Kid, One of his Enemies, and his Bully: the episode

-dash's crush on phantom is So Obvious. fitness buddies :) watching them interact always makes me laugh. also, phantom, with PANTS. 'how many costume changes you gonna go through, what is this, vegas??' DASSH DJKSFHASKDF

-MADDIE GOING AFTER THE MOUSE WITH A BROOM, WHAT THE FUCK. AAAH. JUST BUY SOME KIND OF MOUSE TRAP.

-danny likes lime and vinegar chips. which sound very good.

-'our boy finally has the physical prowess of a 60 year old president!' ...poor danny LMAO

-'what's wrong with beauty pageants' oh tucker you sweet naïve child. what ISNT wrong with them. who approved this for a high school?? (I mean, yes. unfortunately child pageants exist, but...) also danny and tucker once again treating the pretty girls like objects. I need to meet the grown man who wrote this, I just want to talk...

-prince aragon's dragon form reminds me of maleficent (color scheme wise) which is always a bonus. considering the episode is called beauty marked, I feel like the sleeping beauty references are deliberate

-sam with the fake fangs. once again her accessories never miss. hate the 'not like other girls, girls who get sucked into this kind of thing are all shallow and all want to be carbon copies' bs tho.

-sam trying to be the Worst Bride, being rude as shit. DORA IS GOING TO GET KILLED. DID YOU MISS THE PART WHERE SHE SAID THE PRINCE WILL HAVE HER HEAD IF YOU ARENT THE IDEAL BRIDE. YOU /KNOW/ DANNY WILL COME SAVE YOU. JUST ACT CHILL UNTIL THEN. even if you were doing fine to get him to take off the crown, consider maybe not letting his poor sister get punished also?? sure, she could also take off the crown and has dragon powers, but did you know that for sure?? dora didnt even really realize it until you guys talked!! (or at least, she was scared to stand up to him. you had no guarantee she would...) but. good for dora. ANOTHER friendly ghost to add to the List :)

-tucker is so under appreciated in his time. if he was doing a tech-based campaign today he'd have a better shot. people in 2004 had NO IDEA how much tech would be a part of our day-to-day lives...altho. tbh if you're going to be running for student council president, maybe you should..focus on things to actually improve the school? since he's going for a tech angle, he could say like, he would be running fundraisers for the schools computers to be upgraded, etc? we've already SEEN he can be good at money-making entrepreneur type stuff!!

-oh my god wait. this episode is JUST YUGIOH?????! A REBORN PHAROH USING A TEENAGER AS A VESSEL?? YESSSSSS

-tucker using his new minion to feed him grapes and carry him. AND LOCUSTS ONTO THE BULLIES. I love how when he's possessed, he gains winged eyeliner.

-this episode is giving me big 'plankton makes everyone in bikini bottom his slaves and build monuments of him from the spongebob movie' vibes. and the pharaoh has a traitor who works for him? VERY big yugioh vibes. aknadin confirmed

-I like that danny is still completely exhausted after using ghostly wail. (still patiently waiting on him to get duplication)

-LOVE the fenton's 80s outfits. I get hes 14 and embarrassed by everything they do because theyre his parents, but. cmon, this is one objectively cool thing theyve done. love 80s fashion.

-...was vlad just standing on that streetlight waiting for danny to come out? how'd he know they'd be coming out the back? how long has he been up there???

-oh, wait, his ecto-acne has flareups? that SUCKS. danny was...well I dont want to say he was LUCKY HE HALF-DIED, but he was lucky his was pretty instant (I'm assuming that had to do with the power/scale of the portals being different?) I remember in the ep we met him, vlad made a point of saying he was stuck in a hospital for a long time, so. that really actually sucks and I feel bad. not that it excuses anything he's done...but like. it does suck.

-vlad being so sure danny wouldnt help him he made it somehow contagious to his friends to make sure he'd get help? danny is a nice boy, he wouldve helped if it was anyone else. the only reason he wouldn't have is because of the shit vlad did to him, on purpose. vlad 100% dug his own grave by being the biggest asshole, so it is very hard to feel bad for him.

-clockwork is back!!! and making danny learn lessons The Hard Way. Uhhh, okay. I kind of get Danny’s logic, that time traveling this far back would prevent vlad from becoming a halfa also, ergo no arch nemesis or ectoacne to worry about. But the fact that was basically the first solution Danny came up with to solve this problem is actually so funny. It’s so extreme

-APPRICIATION FOR THESE 80S LESBIAN BG CHARACTERS.

-vlad telling maddie in the lab (in the 80s) he has something he's wanted to tell her 'for a long time'...how long have they known each other? I assumed they met in college, since jack always calls vlad his college buddy/roommate, so jack and vlad for sure met in college, but did vlad know maddie longer? thats surprising if so. Tho we don’t know what year of college they’re in so they could mean they met as freshmen and a few years have past…speaking of maddie shes crushing the 80s look.

-vlad blames jack, but. maybe dont stick your face 2 inches from the portal??! THIS FEELS LIKE LAB SAFETY BASICS. IF SOMETHING HAS POTENTIAL TO BE DANGEROUS, DONT GET NEAR IT. WITH YOUR FACE UNPROTECTED IN ANY WAY. (altho jack didnt really give a Big Warning besides screaming BONZAI. so. also that, but cmon.) also, they need gloves, goggles, and to pull all of their hair back tbh. but fuck lab safety, I guess!

-cryyyyinnng at how lazy they were with jack's ghost form design, its just plasmius' design on jack!!! you couldve given him his own design!!

-there. I did that in about 10 minutes and its somehow less lazy than what made it into the show. embarrassing! better yet, I think the episode would've been better if maddie would've gotten the ectoacne. or maybe its just me, wanting to see her design! anyway. I'm sure people have already done redesigns of them both as halfas. I have to go look after I finish this watch through. Also mildly frustrated jacks resentment and bitterness is basically also a copy paste of vlads backstory. They’re different characters, I really don’t think jack would stew in bitterness and jealousy the same way vlad would!! I also don’t think he’d give up after one time of trying to hunt ghosts and getting laughed at. Our canon timeline says different…I dunno, I get it was for laughs, but I’m annoyed because the POTENTIAL this plot has…

-did vlad really wear a stupid cheese hat to his wedding. ok actually that kinda rules. and the cheese door knocker. the dairy-only buffet table. vlad still got rich, just on being the New Dairy King. (Assuming that means he owns a lot of dairy businesses?) ok! this actually is great. hope maddie isn't lactose intolerant!

-'no matter how hard I tried, I could never get rid of my ghost half, the half I knew Maddie could never accept' ohh, ouch, what a horrible thing to say to her HALF GHOST SON. 'YOUR MOM WILL NEVER ACCEPT YOU' BASICALLY.

-maddie strapping danny to the table with a lazer pointed at him in a secret lab she keeps from vlad that she makes a point of saying is sound proof so he can scream all he wants...CHRIST. DANNYS POOR PYSCHE.

-also, not to feel bad for alternate vlad (because, he did lie to maddie saying jack blames her and never wants to see her again...) but. being married to a woman 20+ years and she immediately goes back to jack? if she didnt love vlad and feels like she had to hide shit from him, and says she wasted her best years with him, WHY MARRY HIM. it feels like leading him on!!! cannot believe im feeling bad for vlad, but. this alternate timeline vlad is significantly Less Horrible than Our Vlad. did she not think she'd get funding for her ghost stuff? (which, fair assumption since they're considered 'ghost fanatics/nuts in canon...but...) why did she think jack or vlad would be her ONLY OPTIONS? be like your sister. be single. Actually, this au could’ve been really interesting if after the accident, vlad lied to her and said jack never wanted to see her again, but she stays single. Imagine how much that would bug vlad… like, in her mind, it was never a competition it was jack or no one type situation…

-danny being like 'leave him ALONE' this jack is a HOMEWRECKER, DANNY. let them go to court and settle this at the least. ...or just throw vlad into the portal. (100% human, defenseless vlad) CHRIST, MADDIE THATS BRUTAL. THATS MURDER.

-danny seeing his mom immediately accepting him and his dad being half ghosts in this universe, if I was him this would be a great sign that his universe's maddie would also.

-*maddie voice* "clockwork will help!" *2 seconds later, with clockwork* "I will Not Help." TOUGH LOVE KING. YES LET DANNY SEE THE SODA HIMSELF AND DEVOLP BETTER OBSERVATION SKILLS.

-when clockwork ""reset time to the way it was"" just before danny "meddled"" ...did he really erase a whole alternate timeline? ...damn. because maddie and danny both called it an alternate timeline by name, it splitting when the college incident went different, so it wouldnt have really mattered if he reset it, right. like because danny's timeline is on a different stream? why didnt clockwork just. show danny a replay and not Reset That Timeline. wh...I wonder how many people that Erased From Existence. Anyway! once again stating clockwork is casually terrifying!

[one-boring-person]

Ok so a Hawkins x reader x poncho where the reader gets sick of his jokes about women and just decks Hawkins in the face, which knocks him off his feet. This action is a turning point between the reader and Poncho as well as Hawkins. Petty fights between the two and constant flirting to the reader ensues. You can choose the ending ☺️

Ok, so I got a bit stuck writing this one, but I hope it's alright? Sorry if it sucks 😅 (can you tell I'm bad at flirting lol)

Get A Room.

Poncho x reader x Hawkins

Warnings: violence, injury, death, gun usage, very minor spoilers

Masterlist

As usual, Poncho is quick to notice (Y/n)'s body stiffening as she hears Hawkins begin another of his notoriously terrible jokes, her face setting into a hard expression. Her movements slow, the hands around the stock of her gun tightening as she becomes more and more annoyed, everyone able to recognise this change in mood except the man responsible for it, who has already dug himself a deep enough hole.

Billy is on the receiving end of today's quip, the dark-haired man listening to his compatriot's joke attentively, though he never shows any reaction to it, not until it's been fully told. Hawkins continues with the same line of humour he's always used: inappropriate references to women and their genitalia. Practically groaning out loud, Poncho can feel his patience for the man draining away, though he keeps a hold on himself, knowing that starting an argument now won't help anything, the group already having shot nerves after finding the corpses strung up in the trees, like racks of meat in an abattoir. Even now, a shiver goes down his spine at the memory, doing his best to erase it though he is aware that it won't work: the image has become branded into his mind forever.

"I've had enough. Hold this." (Y/n) suddenly growls, thrusting the rifle she's holding into Poncho's hands, turning to face Hawkins.

Lightening fast, she lunges forwards, her fist cracking across the young man's face with an audible crunch, his head jerking with the impact, glasses flying from his brow. His body follows his head, dropping to the floor as he clutches at his cheek, groaning in pain as she stands over him, flexing her hand. Around her, the rest of the group move to intercept, in case a fight should break out, but she does nothing to follow up, instead taking her gun from a dumbstruck Poncho, before going to walk with a smirking Blain. Dutch reprimands her swiftly, but he is containing a grin of his own, the major clearly proud of her for finally acting on her distaste for the bad jokes.

Dazed, Hawkins remains sat where he is for a moment, Billy chuckling and moving off, leaving he and Poncho behind, both men staring after their comrade, wide-eyed. At this point, all either can think is damn.

*

Heatwaves from the explosion wash over the concealed team as they wait in the trees, eyes wide as they watch Dutch take out his gun, firing off into the scrambling guerrillas. His voice calls loudly over the mingled sounds of screaming and collapsing structures, spitting gunfire quickly breaking out as the settlement inhabitants retaliate, blind to their attackers though determined nevertheless. Blain, Mac, Dillon, Billy and (Y/n) spring into action, easily dropping into the blazing camp, guns roaring as they take out the men shooting at them; Poncho and Hawkins find themselves slightly delayed, attention focused on something else entirely as they hastily rush to their comrades, faces blushing. Both men push aside their embarrassment, concentrating on the task at hand as they take out the camp.

All around, crates and barrels go up in flames, splinters of wood flying everywhere as bullets pelt their sides, ragged holes appearing in the containers even as bodies end up sprawled over the top of them. Nothing but gunfire and cries of pain are audible to the raiders and their enemies, ears ringing with the deafening cacophony of noise, rendering the sense almost useless - if they weren't already used to this side-effect. Orders are heard and received, executed to a high efficiency as they always are, Dutch feeling a small burst of pride flare up in his chest at the effectiveness of his team, his own gun vibrating violently in his hands with each round of bullets. Out of the corner of his eye, he notices a couple of guerrillas hiding out in a nearby building, sharpshooting at the people responsible for the destruction of their camp.

Frowning, he notices (Y/n) nearby, calling out to her and gesturing for her to follow on, receiving a brief nod in agreement as she makes her way over. Over her head, Dutch sees Poncho make as if to follow, a worried expression on his face, only to stop when he hears the major order him elsewhere, finding that Blain needs some help. Shaking his head in exasperation, the veteran leads (Y/n) into the main structure of the settlement, knowing the way up to the nearby building is through there, the two coming across a couple of rogue guerrillas here. Thankfully, they are swiftly taken care of, both (Y/n) and Dutch efficiently dealing with the threat as they move on to the structure they came for.

Kicking down the door, Dutch gives a bitter smirk as the men inside turn to the intruders in fear.

"Knock knock." He greets them, firing off a couple of well-placed rounds, nailing the dumbstruck guerrillas instantly. 

Entering the small area, Dutch goes to the open part of the structure, looking out over the wreckage below him, taking note of a couple of runners. Glancing around swiftly, he sees Hawkins nearby, the smaller man calling out for (Y/n) for whatever reason as he moves through one of the other walkways. Quick to intercept this, Dutch gestures for him to take out the runners, glad to see the young man nod and duck away to do so, his attention momentarily distracted.

 It's not until he hears a struggle behind him that he whirls round, gun at the ready.

He doesn't have to fire, (Y/n) having already subdued the threat with ease, the struggling figure writhing in her grip as she pins them down, knees holding down the arms as she presses down the person's head. Clearly distressed, the person tries once more to get away, before lying still, giving both intruders a better look at them. They frown as they realise exactly who it is: it's a woman. At that moment, Dutch figures out what the real purpose of this goddamned mission is, knowing now that he'd been foolish to listen to Dillon and Phillips.

Seeing Dutch's grim expression, (Y/n) gives him a confused look.

"What's wrong, major?" She asks, cocking her head.

"We've been set up." Is all he says, just as Hawkins and Poncho burst into the room, eyes landing on (Y/n) instantly. Dillon follows behind them, though he takes his time.

Noticing the definite change in their leader's attitude, Hawkins, Poncho and (Y/n) leave the area and go back down into the main part, looking for survivors. Both men jostle each other to stay ahead of her, forming a wall of some sort between her and whatever is ahead of them, something which she is quick to pick up on.

"Jeez, guys, get a room." She snorts as she pushes past them, going to move on before Hawkins speaks again.

"Only if you come with." He says before he can stop himself, breath hitching slightly as she turns her gaze on him.

"Keep it in your pants, Hawkins." She responds, an odd look on her face as she ducks out of sight, going to complete a circuit of the settlement.

The two watch her go, Hawkins internally cursing himself as he tries to follow, only to be pulled back by an annoyed Poncho.

"The hell did you do that for?!" The other man snaps at him, a scowl etched into his features.

"What's your problem?" Hawkins replies, equally as irritated, looking his comrade up and down.

"My problem is that you just made us both look like idiots!" 

"Me?! I wasn't the one trying to get all protective a minute ago!" 

"Like hell you weren't!" Poncho growls back, glancing up as Blain passes nearby, "Just keep it in your pants, alright?"

As he hears the repeated words, Hawkins feels himself get even angrier with his companion, his jaw clenching as he watches him walk away. Kicking at the ground, he turns and goes his own way, his head filled with images of (Y/n)'s curious expression from earlier. Something about her reaction to his jokes had struck a chord within him, his hand straying to his face to run over the slight mark her punch left, the ache still there even after an hour or so, his head turning to look back at where she disappeared. 

Correcting his path, he moves off in that direction.

*

Hawkins had always talked a lot, but somehow (Y/n) had never quite noticed it until now. 

Rolling her eyes, she picks her way back into the settlement, her new companion trailing behind her like a shadow, his words going mostly unheard as she focuses on keeping her footing. At some point, she'd realised that he wasn't going to shut up and had since started tuning him out, completely missing the new angle of his conversation.

"...It's why I reckon you shouldn't have gone into this profession." He says, still rambling despite her lack of attention.

"Huh? What do you mean?" (Y/n) suddenly tunes back in, frowning at this new statement.

"Well, you're far too beautiful to be running through the jungle." He explains, nearly grinning at the fact that she paid attention to him.

"The hell is that supposed to mean?" She questions him, turning to face him with a scathing look; he is one of her closest friends, but he could be really clumsy with his words sometimes.

Floundering, Hawkins' mouth opens and closes a few times, the young man struggling for words to fully explain what he meant without upsetting her.

"Just that you could do equally as well in a different job, like...modelling or something?" Under her piercing stare, he falters again, "Not that you're not good at this job, or anything, you're really good!"

Frowning, (Y/n) regards him carefully, before shaking her head and leaving him where he is, going back to the settlement. Cursing himself, Hawkins grits his teeth, knowing he just made a complete fool of himself, though he is thankful no one else is around to see it. Or so he thinks.

"Was that your attempt at flirting?" Poncho comments, emerging from the underbrush nearby, smirking at his comrade's downfall.

Glaring at him, Hawkins feels irritation rise up within him.

"I'd like to see you do better, asshole." He snaps back, flipping off the grinning man across from him.

"Watch and learn." He shrugs, still chuckling as he leaves Hawkins where he is and follows (Y/n).

Emerging into the settlement, Poncho immediately locates (Y/n), going over to her confidently with his gun held loosely across his chest. She looks up as he nears her, her brow furrowing slightly at the sight, curiosity getting the better of her as she stands still to let him catch up to her.

"Find anyone?" He asks her as he gets within earshot, gesturing to the forest around them.

"No, no one. You?" She responds, adjusting her hold on the gun slightly.

"Nope. I assumed they'd all been hit by you."

"Blain got them all, I think." 

"Doubt it. They probably saw you coming and legged it." He remarks, smirking at her.

Lifting an eyebrow, (Y/n) reloads her gun, ready for use if she needs it.

"Hey, no need to shoot me, it's a compliment." Poncho holds up his hands in mock surrender, grinning at her, though she only frowns, looking a little confused. 

"Thanks." Is all she says, nodding to Blain and Mac, who have emerged from the wreckage, followed by Dutch, Billy and Dillon, who is dragging a guerrilla girl behind him, "What the hell does he want her for?"

"Who?"

"Dillon. He's got that guerrilla girl Dutch and I found."

"Oh, I could name a few things." Poncho winks at her, though he is almost mortified when she gives him a weird look and leaves him where he is, going to stand with Dutch and Billy over the bonnet of a nearby car.

Cursing, he tries not to scowl too badly when he sees Hawkins shoot him a triumphant glance, going over to the main group with a slight blush, finding himself embarrassed. (Y/n) and Dutch are talking amongst themselves, a terse grin breaking out onto his face as he hears something, his angered facade cracking briefly. Unfortunately, both Hawkins and Poncho are within earshot for the response.

"The two of them are idiots, but they'll get their acts together eventually. They like you enough, they'll change their crappy flirting techniques, but you might have to wait a while." The major informs (Y/n), who smirks at the comments and thanks him, moving away from him as he goes to ask Billy something.

Hawkins and Poncho exchange a glance over the top of their compatriots' heads.

[hufflesocks]

I wrote a small one shot after I began wondering what might have happened to Olivia Mann after her father died and the comic ends

Hope guys like it

————————————————————————

Olivia Mann sat in the middle of a large office, behind a large desk, in a large leather chair. Her chin just barley peering over the searing table. After not hearing from her father for quite some time she had grown fairly bored. The robots no longer seemed to entertain her, despite the numerous tricks they had been programmed to perform, so she had decided to take up the activity of burning things on the useless desk in front of her. In fact she found the activity of watching a pen slowly melt until it was just a pile of liquid plastic quite fascinating.

It sure had been a while since she had last heard from her father. She wasn’t quite sure how many times the sky outside the large windows of the office had grown dark. She was fine though she had her robots, it wasn’t like she was scared of the shadows that would sometimes flicker across the strange office as she laid on a couch trying to fall asleep. A light suddenly ran across the room, illuminating one of the numerous fanged creatures that stood on display. She gasped and hid under her blanket, silently missing her old bedroom. One of the large robots, the one that she thought always looked like a bear, clumsily made its way over. It carefully pulled her blanket down from her head and tucked her back in, giving her a small pat on the head before making its to way back to its post. Ok, maybe she was a little afraid, but at least she had her robots.

It sure had been a long time since she’d heard from her father. She was beginning to think he wasn’t coming back. She’d never known her mother. It had always just been him and the robots, but now it looked like it might just be the robots. But she could work with this. She was nine years old, practically an adult. She could easily run the company, whatever it was that it did. She found herself once again sitting in the leather chair that was far to big for her. She was about to watch another pen burn when the large double doors that normally stayed shut—aside from when a skinny man with dark hair would bring her tea— flew off their hinges accompanied by a very loud “SAXTON HALE”. Wood splinters rained down everywhere, and to top it all off the blast had knocked down one of her robots. She was going to have whoever was responsible’s head for this.

She stood up on the far to large chair keeping her hands on the non stove part of the desk for balance; determined to get a good look at the intruders. A large shirtless man was at the front. A man she immediately recognized as Saxton Hale. Beside him though was a tall woman and an older man, neither of whom did she recognize. And wait a minute was that her tea servant. Oh when this was over she was going to have his job.

“Alright little girl play time’s over. Now that your good for nothing fathers dead, I was finally able to figure how to get Mann Co. back,” Saxton said loudly, wasting no time getting straight to business.

Olivia’s demeanor shifted slightly. So her father really was gone, and she really was all alone.

“I figured since your dad was dead. You wouldn’t have any interest in owning Mann Co. anymore. So I’m going to offer you a lot of money and you are sell me my company back. You know on account of your Dad being dead and all. Look even Darling made himself useful and drew up a contract. But then I tore that one up, and made my own,” Saxton pulled out a single piece of paper with something scribbled on it.

The older man beside him sighed and took on a look of whatever he was being offered was not worth it.

Olivia’s response to this was to sit down quietly in the large chair. Small tears started to form at the corners of her eyes. She was never close to her father, far from it actually, but now rather than having a distant parental figure she had nothing. And she had a feeling that without her father controlling them, her robots would leave her too. She just wanted to go home. To leave this far to big office, with its far to big desk, and sit in something other than this far too big chair.

“Uh Sax, you might have gone a bit too far on this one,” the woman next to him said quietly.

“What are you talking about Mags, I was just saying that since that good for nothing snake Grey was out of the picture,—” he happened glanced at Olivia in the middle of what he was saying and his face fell a little, “Oh.”

Olivia rubbed her eyes with the back of her hands. Then she jumped down from the chair and marched right up to Saxton with a look that could kill.

“Ah, look we might have—,” Saxton started to say.

However, he was interrupted as she snatched the piece of paper from his hand and said, “I’ll sign your stupid contract. I didn’t even want this dumb company anyway.”

Using the pen she had been about to burn, she sat down on the floor and wrote out in messy letters her name on the line provided. She then shoved the paper into his chest, crossed her arms, and turned her head away so she wasn’t facing any of the adults in the room.

“Well that settles it I finally have Mann Co. back! Bidwell,” Saxton boomed, handing the piece of paper to her tea servant who was apparently named Bidwell, “Now that that’s over who wants to get a drink,”

“Sir,” Bidwell said in an expectant voice, “what about her.”

The adults’ glances shifted to the little girl in front of them

Taking his cue to leave the older man, Darling, said, “I best be going, I have a share holders meeting I am scheduling for,” he looked at his watch, “right now.”

“Yeah, Sax I should probably go too. I’m glad you got your company back,” Maggie said turning to go.

“Wait Mags no! You have to help me with this. What am I supposed to do with a child,” Saxton pleaded.

“Sorry. This ones all you,” she replied, patting his shoulder as she walked out the door.

Now it was just him, her tea servant, and herself. It was silent for a while. Then out of the corner of her eye she saw Saxton crouch down, his chin in his hand as he stared at her. She tried to resist the urge, but eventually she turned her head and starred back at him, her gold eyes meeting his brown ones.

She was starting to get a little uncomfortable when he said loudly startling her, “I’ve figured it out! How would you like to be my child!”

Bidwell practically dropped the files he was carrying.

“What!” Olivia exclaimed.

“Well the way I see it there are only two options. Either I adopt you, or I take you to an orphanage. I need an heir and you need a home. It’s perfect! Though, I suppose there is a third option. Bidwell could always adopt you,” Saxton said explaining his reasoning. But this just caused poor Bidwell to almost drop his papers again right as he managed to recompose himself, “Nevermind on option number three. I can’t have him distracted with a child. So it looks like you’re off the hook Bidwell.”

“Thank you, sir,” Bidwell said sarcastically reorganizing his papers.

“So what do you say,” Saxton asked as he stood back up. He was starting to take more confidence in his plan, “I could teach you so much! Like how to fight lions, and tigers, and hippies—“

Olivia droned out his voice as he listed off all the things they could do together as father and daughter, seriously beginning to considered the offer. She definitely didn’t want to go to some orphanage, and Saxton did have a lot of money so she could keep all her things. Also as his daughter she would inherit this place one day. Maybe he could even help keep her robots in tack. He would have his heir and she would have her robots.

“Ok,” she said finally cutting him off, “on one condition you let me keep my robots.”

Saxton glanced at the pieces of scrap metal lingering around his office. Frankly he’d forgotten they were even there, “alright, but as long as I get to spray paint ‘Mann Co.’ on them.”

“Deal.” Olivia said sticking out her small hand, which Saxton engulfed in his large one shaking it.

“It’s official! Your are now my daughter!” Saxton declared.

“Sir, you can’t just declare that she’s your daughter, you actually have to go through a process,” Bidwell pointed out.

“Oh, then in that case, Bidwell clear my schedule I’m going to be a father.”

Olivia smiled to herself, happy with the decision she had made. Somehow the far to large office didn’t feel that big anymore.

[syilcawrites]

a/n: ok ik I said I was going to take a little hiatus but I found this one-shot in my files (back from like aug 2020) so I fixed it up a bit. And I wanted to post this right now for some reason!! (now I’ll take a break from writing heh). Hope ya enjoy it! So summary: Link has an existential crisis in Robbie’s tech lab

ao3

are you in the clouds or the rocks right now?

Link wears their corpse on his skin.

It's heavy and a little stuffy sometimes, but being the winner feels great. Like a sucker-punch to the face, like a ha moment.

Like a I win you lose moment.

Except, the corpse is the one winning and he's the one losing even though he's wearing its skin. Two corpses, to be exact. One (him) is still alive to a degree and the other one (Guardian) is actually really dead. Was the other one (Guardian) even alive to begin with? If Zelda were here, she would say something smart, say something to counter what he was thinking. Maybe like in their own way, they are alive, just like you and I. And then she'll insert another intelligent, meaningful phrase, and he'll nod and say yes, you're right.

Or something like that.

He's not entirely sure, because he's never met her—not really.

"Perfect fit!" Robbie says, smiling with all teeth. He's so short. Link wonders if Robbie has always been that short. Link also measured himself last week—he grew approximately five whole centimeters, but he's still pretty short. Does that mean both of Link's parents were short too?

Parents.

That means… why hasn't he thought about this before? It's never crossed his mind that he has a family, he had a family—

"Hm, hm, just a few more tweaks and then your shield will be ready too," Robbie says, and his voice sort of bonks Link on the forehead. Knocks his thoughts on the ground, and it's just

s p l a t t e r e d

in between the two of them, but Robbie doesn't even realize it's there.

"Nice," Link says, through his teeth. He tears his gaze away from the mess on the ground that Robbie can't see, and in return Robbie hands Link the helmet. It looks like a bucket; a trash bucket. But Link doesn't say that and decides to just stare at the helmet blankly because for some reason when he stares blankly people don't ask him questions and Link really doesn't want to be asked questions right now.

Today is one of those bad days. One of those days where he can't really hear her—hear Zelda. She disappears sometimes; for weeks, even. He usually hears her in the flap of the birds, in the whistling wind; sometimes in the ground, within the tremor of the dirt or the coolness of the grass.

She usually likes staying above though, in the sky, and who can blame her? It's so free up there, and she's been stuck down here for a century. He would've gotten tired too.

"Well, try it Link!"

So Link tries it. He puts it on, and he can see through the eyes of the Guardians now. He wonders if he can see his own death through these too, if he goes back to Blatchery Plain.

"You're right, it's perfect." He takes off the trash bucket, tucking it snug between his arm and his hip as he fishes for some extra rupees. Robbie's been a lot of help, because he keeps Link from getting blasted to smithereens whenever he goes toe to toe with a Guardian. Well, tentacle to toe—were the limbs of Guardian's called tentacles? They definitely weren't toes.

Toetacles?

Zelda probably wouldn't laugh if he said that to her, but he still wants to tell her anyway. Maybe she'll laugh at how dumb it sounds, then she'll smile and then he'll smile because she's smiling and that'll be a really nice thing to see. It would definitely be a nice thing to see.

He hands Robbie the extra rupees, and the little old man doesn't hesitate to take it. He then tosses Link some extra ancient parts for some reason, which… defeats the whole purpose of him giving Robbie a tip. But Link isn't going to say no either to additional material—material that's definitely going to end up back in Robbie's hands when he comes back to Akkala for more weapons (and Akkala buns).

"You heading back to Hateno any time soon?"

Link struggles to pull the rest of the Ancient Armor off of him as he thinks.

"Yeah, I was gonna head there next. Maybe," he says, with a grunt, tugging one last time over his shoulders—the Ancient Cuirass pops off of him, finally.

It's been a while since he's been at his house—a month to be exact—because he has all of his dead friends' weapons hung up on the walls. For some reason he thought it would make him feel better, but it just makes him feel worse.

And they're dead. They're all dead.

His stomach twists into knots, as he quickly pulls the Champion's Tunic back over him, so his heartbeat can stop THUMPING against his chest.

THUMP-THUMP. Someone is knocking politely (yet loudly) on the door to his heart.

Safe, a voice reassures him. With it on, he's safe.

He straps his belts around him tightly, trying to concentrate on his fingers moving rather than the fact that his fingers can't do anything he wants them to do. Can't save anything. They can hold a sword and a sword is supposed to protect yet he can't even do that.

"Whenever you go back, would you give this to Purah for me?" Robbie is already fishing for something through his mess of a desk, scattering all sorts of metal trinkets onto the ground, before Link even responds. Everyone knows that Link will always says yes, I will. I'll help. Because he's a hero. "Thanks a lot," Robbie says, placing the thick paper envelope into Link's outstretched hand. The paper is wrinkled and yellowing—how old is it?

"Anytime." Link slips it into his shirt, where it'll be safe. With all the belts attached to him, it's like he can store anything in there because nothing falls out. He's stored all sorts of things—weapons, material, random stuff he finds around Hyrule that he thinks looks cool; like a pebble. He found one shaped like a heart on Death Mountain before. He likes to bring it around with him, in his shirt of course, for good luck.

Link presses his hand against his chest to feel the envelope. He's never stuffed paper behind his tunic before, and it feels… heavy. Physically, it is heavy since it's a package of envelopes… but there's something else to it that he can't quite put any of his fingers on.

"What is it?" Link asks, keeping his hand pressed against his chest. Hearing the crinkle of the old paper is satisfying to his ears. It's sharp and loud. It reminds him of swords clashing against one another.

Robbie doesn't say anything for a moment, and he doesn't look at Link either. "Just about a world you've forgotten. Don't think too hard on it, it's nothing important," Robbie says with a haggard sigh.

Sighing like that only makes Link more curious and agitated about the entire thing now.

"Letters are always important," Link responds back immediately, annoyed. "That's the point of them." He's not sure where he's getting this statement, but it's buried somewhere in his head. It's something he's always known.

He thinks, anyway.

Robbie turns his head to look at him, but Link can't tell what he's seeing because the shade of Robbie's eyeglasses are perfectly tinted. "It doesn't have to mean something, letters can be anything. There's no rules."

"Letters always mean something," Link says, insistent.

Something, nothing, anything; he hates hearing and seeing those words.

The sound of his breathing is loud in his ears, and his hand tightens against the fabric of his tunic, around the shape of the envelopes, as he waits for Robbie to respond.

"You're right," Robbie says. The tone of his voice shifts, as if something has clicked, as if he understands something that Link doesn't understand.

Link takes a step back.

"There's always a meaning..." Robbie's voice sounds smaller and smaller, until Link can't even hear the rest...

He takes another step to the door as his other hand reaches for the Sheikah Slate on his hip.

"Thanks for the armor," Link says, his fingers fumbling on the screen, and he taps onto the closest icon he finds.

"Link—"

Blinding blue light swallows his vision, and Link ceases to exist for just a split second.

——————————————————————

He ended up somewhere in Gerudo, and he sat there for five grueling hours on the edge of a Sheikah Tower before teleporting to Purah's lab to hand her the stash of envelopes.

Now, Link stares down at the empty parchment paper on his desk. He fishes for the single letter he stole from Robbie's stockpile of envelopes.

He hasn't opened it yet—for some reason, he feels like he won't like what he'll see. If it really is just meaningless? Just something... that doesn't really matter? Then what? What matters then, if his own thoughts were going to be considered something useless and unimportant?

Something shiny on it keeps catching his eyes, and irritably, Link stands up to glare at the object on the table downstairs.

The sunlight that glints off of the blade of the Master Sword winks at him. Maybe it's even laughing at him. Sometimes it feels like it is. He stiffly sits back down and hunches over the table so that he doesn't have to see that annoying glint anymore.

Why do people write again? Koko writes letters to her mom, because it means everything to her. It makes her feel better, and Link wants to feel better, so he's going to write, because unlike Robbie, Koko writes with meaning.

Zelda.

It comes out so sloppy, it looks like he wrote Zehdae.

He crumples up the paper and tosses it over his shoulder.

Z...e…l…d…a…

Zelda.

It's the best looking name he's ever written.

"Zelda," he says, loud and clear. But the dry air around him remains quiet.

The longer he stares at the shape of her name, the weirder it looks.

Who is Zelda? Is she the girl from his memories? The girl stuck in the castle? Is she the words that people whisper about? There's a Zelda in his head, a Zelda in the world around him. There's even one that hides in his heart, but that's a Zelda he'll never get to meet.

Link watches the ink from the tip of the quill drip onto the parchment. It taints her name with four dark droplets of varying sizes, but he can still read it, so he doesn't throw it away.

He decides to start off with a question first.