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schlattslonghairytoes · 19 days ago

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chapter nine

talias pov, real life!

"you two sons of bitches are going to college!" the movie fades out and i look up to schlatt, only to see him staring back down at me "hi" i say quietly "hi" he says back even quieter, schlatt isnt a shy guy, but right now he's acting like one.

"are we gonna talk about it jay, because im not sure i can handle it, but i cant stand you being mean to me anymore, not with what i had to live through in high school" i look up his face, his usual stone demeanor melting for what, to me, feels like hours

he blinks before speaking "ive never been known for my clever use of words, or being able to have difficult conversations at all, but talia im so sorry, you dont deserve that, you never did, and i guess i finally owe you a proper explanation huh?"

lets get back on track shall we? last time we saw these two dumbasses, they began their "rough period" as i like to call it, the glares across the halls, the shit talking and most importantly, the rumors.

now, talia hated drama, lets make that clear, because freshman year when someone told the whole school that she had sex with a teacher, when all she did was go to extra help, she thought her life was over, and i wont sugarcoat it. for a while it was.

but who sat with her holding her hand the whole time. a young boy by the name of jonathan schlatt, he gathered her homework on the days she missed, he tutored her in classes he didnt even take just so she wouldnt fail. so imagine her suprise when her (ex) best friend, began dating her other (ex) best friend, and her name would stop being talked about.

schlatt had asked out anabelle january 7th, almost 5 months after talia and schlatt became sworn enemies, so naturally anabelle took schlatts side, because thats what happens when you make friends who dont really care about you.

back to the rumors at hand, talia wasnt unpopular, everyone loved her, how couldnt you? i mean look at her. but what comes with slight popularity, your name always being brought up, but by then she was used to it.

until the fateful day of febuary 14 arrived.

it was time for talias annual valentines party, when people started asking why the address had changed on the invite from previous years, she shut it down immediately, leaving aside that she had been kicked out 3 months prior.

after a fight with her parents her mom told her is was time to stop being so dependant, handed her 1000 dollars, a suitcase, and of course, in true nancy romano fashion, a food scale, and closed the door. talia eventually moved into her late grandmothers apartment 6 blocks down

her mother didnt know about the apartment, so when talia realised that it was legaly documented that the house was hers, as written in her grandmothers will, she moved in with her cat, said 1000 dollars, and a dream. first order of business, throw out that stupid foodscale.

when she finally revamped her new apartment in december, she was finally able to relax and live her life once again.

back to February, of course there was talk about this address update, but what talia didnt expect was for anabelle to tell the school that talia no longer lived within the schools district, meaning, she wouldnt be able to attend the school.

talia left that meeting in the princeables office in tears, after being told that "she might not be able to graduate" she felt as if her life was over, that was until she locked eyes with a guilty looking schlatt.

and rage filled her immediately.

"me. you. outside now." she grabbed him by the collar and dragged him along with her outside, ignoring his pleas that "he'll be marked absent".

"what the fuck did you do jonathan." she shoved him roughly, hard enough to make him stumble. "i swear on everything talia, i didnt know she would do that! it was anabelle, i even asked her not to, are you going to be ok? and why are you living in nana's house, whats going on?" he asked like she didnt have the right to hide things from him.

"oh shut the fuck up, dont act like now you know everything about me! you threw that away the moment you gave up on me, on us! you forgot about me! and now you wanna stumble back to me with open arms and be my savior, no jay, thats not how this works" she shouted and pushed him again.

"please tell me whats going on, please" he begged quietly. "talia i need to know, please i need to know youre ok." he grabs her arm.

"she kicked me out Jonathan. i dont eat most days cause i have no fucking money, none, my job pays me shit, for the first time in my life im failing a class, and if i even get into college, im going to have years of student loans up my ass, because again i have no money." as the words came pouring out, schlatts eyes scanned her, her frame looking thinner and weaker, face more defined.

he remembered when talia thought she was fat, and looked at her now, and wished for the ten pounds she lost could come back, she wasnt recognizable, she wasnt his talia, but then again, she never was.

"say something" her voice weakened. "anything, please." the crack in her voice is what sent him over the edge, he wrapped her huge arms around her in the tightest bear hug shes ever been in, and for a moment, slotted in his arms where she belonged, she forgot everything that ever happened. until he removed them.

"i have to go" he said before turning around and going right back into school, leaving talia all on her own once again.

one month later, talia was laying on her bed, figuring out how she was going to pay rent this month, when a she heard someone knocking at the door. she got up and opened the door and before she could close it, jonathan handed her a envelope and left, no words, emotions, or anything else for that matter.

she closed the door and looked down at the envolope in her hands that stated "we need to talk" in schlatts stupid chickenscratch.

as she began to open the letter she felt her eyes fill with tears and slowly fall onto the letters contents, a hand written note, and, in hundred dollar bills, 10,000 dollars.

"i never understood why you did that, where did you even get that money?" i asked, reflecting on all those years ago.

"remember my jesus take the wheel video? i made 15k off of that, aswell as other later vids, and i was working at the deli at that time, it all just came together". he looked down at me, and as i look up at him, his face looks more like his highschool self then i remember, softer eyes and eyebrows then ive seen in the past few days.

now this next era lasts from late march until mid may, and i like to call it, the reconstruction era.

after schlatt left a very suspicious envelope at her door, she chased after him, and they decided they were both going to work toward being friends again, and that they did, they started to be friends again, and they really tried, but there was only so much they could both do.

talia helped schlatt through his breakup, and in return, schlatt helped talia finish all of her college applications, the two ultimately going with the original plan of applying to the same dream school they shared. the broken duo started to heal each crack in their relationship, but they were never going to be fully mended.

prom was now in a month, and when schlatt promposed to talia with a sign reading, "be the jenko to my schmitt, and jump over to prom with me?" famously based off of their favorite shared movie, talia couldnt help but say yes. so she did and things were going even better for them, they were finally friends again.

until the dean of that stupid college decided to ruin schlatts life, merely days before prom. so when talia hadnt heard from schlatt in a week and prom was tonight, she began to worry, but this time she had faith in him, to be the good friend he was, and pick her up at 6:30 sharp.

so when she sat on her front step and her phone read 7:00 back at her, she knew something had happened, and the worst part was, she couldnt bring herself to be suprised, or even mad. she had a feeling this would happen, so she called her best friend nick, and made her way to prom.

rounds of spiked punch and dancing with her friends had started to make the pain go away, until she saw him. a seemingly sober schlatt waltzing into prom, with a familiar blonde wrapped around his arm. she felt her heart break into enough pieces she couldnt begin counting, and with all the courage she could muster, she put on a fake smile and walked up to the happy couple.

"hey guys! glad you could finally make it, seems time doesnt mean anything to you two, just wanted to say, anabelle every moment knowing you has been unpleasant. and frankly i hope i never have to look at you and your fucked up teeth again, have a good time at community college, thats if you make it there. and you Jonathan, i hope you know what a horrible person you are, i dont know why you loved breaking my heart, because honestly, i was inlove with you John, i would have followed you across the globe of you asked, but you just made my life so much easier, because i fucking. hate. you." she pushed past the pair and scoffed when she heard him calling after her.

the rain outside made it much harder to outrun a 6'3 giant, already having the disadvantage of being so much shorter, and also wearing 3 inch heels. "TALIA!" his stupid voice yelled after her, repeatedly, louder each time, until he finally caught up to her, only seconds away from her apartment, and when he did he grabed her wrist in order to stop her.

"dont fucking touch me! dont come near me, stay the fuck away, i dont ever want to see or hear from you ever again. its over schlatt, you did this! we couldve been so good together, or even friends, but you threw that away for what, why did you do it, because we both know you owe me that," she screamed yanking her arm away from his tight grip.

"i-i dont know why talia, i was scared, i didnt get i-" he studdered "you were scared? SCARED? you did this to me because you were scared" she pushed him further from her apartment building "schlatt, quite literally when i needed you most, you left! i was homeless for a week, did you ever know? NO, BECAUSE NO ONE KNEW, I WAS COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY ALONE." she tried to calm her voice but was only slightly successful.

"i was alone and scared, and the one person i loved and cared for, dropped me because HE was scared! ironic right?" she backed toward the door to her apartment building "let me make this clear, im not blaming you for me being kicked out, im blaming you for leaving me when i needed you, because we both know that i would have never done that to you." she opened the door and looked back at him. "i never want to see you again, leave, and get out of my life schlatt." she yelled in his face.

"please lia i know you don't want to hear me out, but you have too. please I can't lose you Lia, cmon for us we need to talk about it" he begged tears mixing with the pouring rain. for a moment, every movie theve ever watched together crossed his mind. all the scenes where the love interest stands outside in the pouring rain, begging for forgiveness, and in every single one, she forgives him, but as much as he hoped, he knew that wouldnt be his reality.

"I can't jay, I cant and I'm not sorry" and the door closed, unlike the movies, the rain didnt go away, his heart didnt feel lighter, and the rejection letter in his pocket, already ruined from the rain, didnt magically fade away, and by the time he got home and opened his phone, he was already blocked on everything, the green text confirming all of his suspicions

iMessage!

my talia<3

talia, since the day i met you as a toddler, i knew you would change my life forever, in elementary school you were my first friend, and the only person i wanted to have playdates with, and the only person i wanted to see at school. then came middle school, when your parents split up, i prayed the night i found out, that you would stay with your mom, so you could stay with me, and when you did, i had never felt luckier. in eighth grade i realised i was in love with you, but as a typical middle schooler i tried my best to ignore it, and move on. freshman year wasnt easy, rumors meant nothing when i was able to be at your side making you laugh after seeing all that everyone put you through. sophmore and junior year with you at my side made life feel easier, and in the summer before senior year, when you kissed me, i knew i was a goner. the more i spent time with you, the harder i fell in love with you, every moment i spent with you was something i cherished with my whole heart. but heres the part that i didnt tell you, 10 days before my birthday, my grandpa died, i know it doesn't sound like much, but i felt as if my whole world ment nothing anymore, and alcohol was my only way of moving past it. and on september ninth, when i drank so much i forgot what year it was, anabelle invited me to a party and said you would be there, and after avoiding everyone and everything for a week, i knew i needed to see my favorite person. when i arrived she convinced my drunken state that she was you. and i believed her. the next day i knew something was wrong, and after you left me in that panera i sat in silence for 3 hours, and i realised what i had done, and by the time i went home, another bottle of whiskey had me convinced that anabelle was you. the real reason me and her broke up, was because one time i accidentally called her talia, and thats the day i stopped drinking. coincidentally, that's the same day i went to the bank and left 10,000 dollars at your door. the reason i didnt ever come pick you up at prom, was because the week before, i had found out i got rejected from college, not just our dream one, every single one talia, i felt like an absolute failure, and i couldnt even look at you, i didnt want you to be tied down to a loser like me, so i turned to alcohol once again, and convinced my self that if i asked anyone, not that they would ever live up to you, i could pretend for long enough that it was you. but no one could ever be you.

not delivered❗️

#schlatt #jschlatt #jschlatt x reader #schlatt x reader #schlattslonghairytoes #schlatty #lunchclub

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argumentl · 4 years ago

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The Freedom of Expression Ep 6 - 'Antrum', the most cursed movie in history.

K: Hi this is Dir en grey's Kaoru, and The Freedom of Expression..Joe san, Tasai san..

J: Yep

K: I think the viewers already realise this, but we're shooting four epidodes at once. (note:* the covid episodes were aired at short notice after ep 3*).

J: Yes, four.

T: Our clothes havn't changed.

K: Is our positioning ok like this? Wouldn't it be better with you in the middle, Kaoru?

K: Well, next time we could change seats if we want? But, I havn't seen you two in a long time, I thought it would be better to look at you from over here.

J: Ah, yes. If you are in the middle you have to keep looking from side to side..

K: Yeah, so..we could change seats next time...We might even change our filming location?

J: For sure

K: I don't know though...we can carry on without making too many set plans.

J: I see.

K: He's not coming out today, is he?

J: He's not. Let's leave him alone.

K: Well, shall we get started?... Oh, actually, when we finished recording the last epidode, my boss came here, and said 'that was a lie, thats wrong'.

J: Oh, what was it again? He took offense to something written in a magazine.

T:...and stormed over there.

K: He didn't actually angrily storm over there, he apparently went there, not to tell them to write nice stuff, but to get them to write what his band was really like, and he was fine with it then *1

J: Ahh, to stand out?

K: He was quite agitated. *T laughs*

J: No, but its a bit worrying isn't it? From the listeners point of view, you hear that type of story and interpret it as something amusing, the story gets communicated on in that way.

K: Well, theres no fire without smoke..

J: You mean, theres no smoke without fire.

K: Yeh.. Its because he's just a bit scary *the others laugh*, thats why that type of gossip appears.

J: Of course

K: Right?

T: I see

J: Well, we don't know what he was really like back then...

K: I don't either.

J: But he surely wasn't one of those cuddly, happy people?

K: People in bands were just kinda scary back then, right?

J: They were scary, yeah. But they were also really cool, weren't they?

K: *nods*

J: ..in reality....I think they were.

K: We're (Dir en grey) not scary though, are we?

J, T: Uhh... *K laughs*

J: You are not scary, but...

K: We're not THAT scary right? *laughing*

J: You have an incredible aura..

K: Well, lets leave it..

J: Fow now, lets just say your boss wasn't trying to make excuses..

K: Excuses? *laughs*

J: ..he was just trying to tell us that the stuff we said was not true. Right, well lets introduce today's topic.

' "You watch it, you die", Antrum - The most cursed movie in history.'

'Unbelievablely, its to be released in Japan, this incredible movie is to be screened. Filmed in California, America in 1970, the movie 'Antrum'. Rumored to be excessively scary, and to bring about misfortune to those who watch it, it was said that this movie should not be released, but buried and restricted. However, in 1988, it was screened for the first time in Budapest, Hungary, and during its screening, a fire broke out in the theatre and it burnt to the ground. 56 people died in this incident. Since then, whenever this movie is screened, the people involved have suffered mysterious deaths, one after the other. It became a work of art that no-one wanted to touch. Then, we arrive at the present day. After a long search, documentary movie makers Michael Licini and David Amito discovered the 35mm film reel of 'Antrum'. They have decided to screen it with the warning that viewers must take personal responsibility for anything that happens. The movie will be screened this year in venues across the country from Friday.'

K: Ahh, is it okay?...if this kind of incident occurs?

J: It says, if you watch it you die!

T: Its spooky.

K: Whether it lives up to expectations or not, theres trouble either way.

J,T: Thats right.

J: If people die, they're in trouble, and if people don't die, and they get sued for misrepresentation, they'll be like 'What? Arn't you glad you didn't die?!'

T: I wonder what will happen.

J: They say everyone has to take personal responsibility.

K: Well, I'm slightly interested.

J: Would you go and watch it?

K: Hmm, I want to see it, yeh.

J: You're attracted to it?

K: Um, Horror is...

Kami: Nononono! You must not go to see this, you must not go to see this!

J: Ahh, Kami says you musn't, he's worried suddenly....Its not okay, Kami?

Kami: No no, its not. I was quiet so far because I didn't want to have anything to do with this topic.

J: Oh, with this topic?

Kami: Yeh, its really scary.

J: Is this type of thing not good?

Kami: Its not good. I have to work nights..

J: Ah, night shifts? *the others laugh*

Kami: and I work alone.

J: Yeh.

K: Well, yeh, thats scary.

Kami: They say you'll die, I don't wanna die on my night shift.

J: Yeh, but gods can't die can they?

T: Right.

Kami: Well, outwardly.

J: What does that mean? Outwardly?? *laughing*

Kami: We don't die completely..

J: Oh, but from the human perspective you appear to die?

Kami: Yeah, I appear to die, but then am reborn. *J, T laugh*

K: He doesn't need to be scared.

T: Pretty interesting.

Kami: No no, the bit where I appear to be dead..its kinda troublsome.

J: Its trouble? You're a bit nervous about that?

Kami: Yeh, im nervous. Its not good.

J: Its not good?

Kami: Yeah, going to see this movie is not good.

J: But, there is a certain attraction by people to these kind of supernatural, occult things isn't there?

K, T: Yeah, yeah.

J: You know, things that science can't prove.

Kami: Yeah, I know about all of it though.

J: You do?

Kami: Yes, I do. Because, god created everything on earth.

T: Well, yeah.

J: I see.

T: So, he shouldn't really be scared of this, should he?

K: Really, that makes this situation here part of the occult too, doesn't it?

J: This is the occult. *T laughs* Us talking to a god..*K laughing* Talking to a god about movies even!

Kami: Well, there are many types of god aren't there?

J: Ahh, there are many types, yeh.

Kami: Yeh yeh, there are all knowing-all powerful gods...and gods like this one here. *the others laugh*

J: This god isn't very 'all knowing-all powerful'?

Kami: No, im probably in the lower orders.

J: *laughing* Yeh, we know that!

T: He sounds like a salaryman.

J: A hierarchy of gods..

Kami: Well, the middle-lower orders.

J: The middle-lower oders? *laughing*

T: Thats quite low, right? *J laughing*

J: It might just not be limited to recent times, but isn't there quite an occult boom going on now? How do you see it Kaoru?

Kami: An occult boom?

J: An occult boom.

Kami: Well, maybe its because a lot of things have already been solved. As science progresses, we know more...like the Higgs particle, you know it?

J: I've heard the name, but I don't know the details.

Kami: Its kinda like how the source of gravity was discovered. They spin it round really fast and crash it, right?

J: What a simple explanation!

Kami: Its in Switzerland!

T: In Switzerland...

J: They have the equipment to spin it and crash it powerfully, right?

Kami: Yes, yes. Atoms, they crash atoms into one another..and when they crash, the atoms break apart, and various particles have been discovered....and they saw a black hole forming and such. These kinds of mysterious things are really happening. *2.

T: Ehh, Kami, thats impressive.

Kami: So it could be just because of these solved mysteries, peoples' imaginations are swelling and giving them wild ideas?

J: I see.

K: Well, there must be people who like this stuff.

Kami: Wasn't my explanation easy to understand?

J: Yes, it was very well explained.

Kami: Spinning it around and bashing really hard, and then a kind of mysterious feeling...

*everyone laughs*

J: Thst is super easy to understand. Explained in simple terms.

T: Exactly

J: Only by a god..*3

T: Hey Joe, is that okay? *laughs*

J: Kami's awful aspects have transfered to me. *T laughs* The hopless parts. Those parts are showing in me.

Kami: Don't say hopeless!

K *laughs*

J: Oh did you hear that bit?

Kami: I heard it.

J: Of course, Kami hears everything (direct translation: hell ears)

K: This is awful!

Kami: Not hell, heaven.

T: Isn't this fourth time getting tiring?

*laughing*

J: Of course not

T: Actually, ive been to an event before where a spirit appeared.

J: Ehh?

T: When I say spirit, I mean Lincoln. There was a movie about the American president, Lincoln. So I went as a reporter to a weird movie event about it. And there was a medium there who could channel Lincoln so we could ask anything.

J: Wow...so, Lincoln spoke to you in person?

T: The medium started going 'Mmmghh mmmghh' and then 'Ready', so we all thought Lincoln had come to us, and we were told to ask anything, so someone asked 'Mr Lincoln, Mr Lincoln, what did you think of the movie? ..and after about three seconds the medium suddenly dropped down and said, 'Lincoln has left us'.

J: Ehh?! He didn't say anything?!

T: No, Lincoln didn't say anything.

J: Just 'Mmgh, mmgh'?

T: Yeah, and then he fell straight down..and was finished in three seconds. The whole venue had been waiting so eagarly...

J: What kind of article did Tokyo Sports write?

T: About how the venue was....*4

*laughing*

K: That fits well with this show!

J: This kind of chaos. So you were there, Tasai san?

T: Yes, I was reporting on it.

J: Oh really?

T: Yeh, that type of thing happened.

J: I wonder how the medium was after that, after Lincoln left.

T: She's getting paid for nothing.

K: Well, maybe some more accidents happened...

J: Oh yeah, she felt the danger. She didn't research enough before calling him.

T: She should have studied.

J: Maybe she didn't expect that many reporters?

K: Oh, maybe, she thought 'oh no..'

J: Maybe she was shocked to see so many people when she turned up. But the movie company paid her to promote the movie like this right?

T: Yes

J: Ahh, but people will probably go to see this movie right, Kami?

Kami: As for Lincoln coming down, he probably didn't say anything because he planned to speak in English.

J, T: Oh yeah.

K: Maybe

Kami: They forgot how to speak English?

J: I see..he hasn't been called in a long time, so even he forgot how to speak English?

Kami: No no, the medium.

J: Ah, the medium? Ah, I see.

Kami: Even I forget what to say sometimes, as soon as I think about it, and when im listening, you're like 'oh he's gone'

J: Isn't that dementia? Kami, can you speak to dead people like a medium can, can gods do it?

Kami: Gods? There are gods who can do that.

K: But you can't.

J: But you can't?

Kami: No, I can't do anything *J laughs*

J: We can only pray to you?

Kami: Yes, only pray.

J: I reckon I could be a god then too.

K: Yeh, yeh.

J: Its pretty interesting, no matter what your capacity, you could be a god, right? *laughing*

Kami: No, being a god is not about your capacity...

J: Oh, its not, im wrong?

Kami: Are you making fun of me?

J: No, im not! Im just too naive.

Kami: Being a god is something you're born with.

T: Ahh, its deep.

Kami: Being a god is something you are born with.

K: He just said that.

J: Im kinda imagining him with a smug face right now. *K laughs*

J: I havn't met him so I don't know though.

Kami: Even though I can't do anything, Im different from you guys.

J: Ah, you are born different?

Kami: Yes, yes, yes.

J: You exist differently from regular humans?

Kami: Yes, yes, yes.

J: I see.

K: We're right back to the occult now, aren't we?

J: Yeh, this is almost like a Tokyo Sports kind of issue.

Kami: No, you mustn't doubt the existence of god!

J: Oh, you musn't?

Kami: You mustn't! If you do, and you watch this movie, you will die.

J: We'll die?

T: Scary!

K: I wonder if we'll really die?

Kami: So believe in god!

K: Oh, if you believe in god, you won't die if you watch this movie?

Kami: Yeh, you can increase your shrine donation or something..

J: It ends up with money again *K laughs* He always ends up talking about money.

T: Whats up with him? *K laughing*

J: He doesn't have anything nice to say. Its always down to money in the end. With Ghosn he was the same.

T: He was, yeh *laughing*

Kami: Thats right

J: This has nothing to do with the movie 'Antrum'...

K: So there is a subscribe option on youtube right?

J: Yes, if you subscribe for us...

K: I think I should say 'please subscribe', I havn't said it yet * T laughs*

J: Please subscribe, everyone.

T: Please.

K: If we get more subscribers, we can do more things.

J: Right

Kami: Yes, please subscribe.

J: Subscribers will probably...

*sound cuts out*

On screen message :The sound cut out for some reason. We'll let you know what they said. For now, this episode has ended .

*1 - Not 100% sure I understood this story right.

*2 Translating quantum physics isn't my strong point.

*3 Im fairly sure i've missed some nuance here.

*4 Couldn't catch this.

#dir en grey #the freedom of expression #薫 #kaoru #TFOE

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sup4l3e · 4 years ago

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I’m Crazy...

I’m insane...

I've lost the plot..

I'm hopeless..

I'm worthless..

I'm unloveable..

I'm pathetic..

I'm weird..

I'm strange..

I'm not okay...

I'm a psycho... (ok this one for me might be true... question it, go on try it! i dare you! ;0 lol)

BUT...

I AM!!!

Those are just some of the things my own mind tells me on a daily basis ... yes here it comes a blog about anxiety and depression... omg!! i know right the cliche of it all. like who hasnt written a blog about depression before ...

oh woe is me! am i right?

well... thats where you're wrong!

(before i start i want no sympathy im not writing this for the "aww's" and the "bless her" comments, i dont want sympathy or empathy ... this is simply because ive experienced and lived with depression for about 14 years and if i can help one person feel better about themselves by reading this or help someone realise that they are not alone then, well, i can rest easy tonight. If anything i want to empower people)

I lived for so many years in the dark, keeping all of this too myself and you know what it did? absolutely sweet FA apart from making me so much worse, it gave ammunition to those little voices, telling me all of the above, making them win!

i didnt realise until about 2-3 years ago that talking about my experiences and how im feeling would help.

i didnt realise until about 2-3 years ago how many other people around me were going through the EXACT same thing.

Two and a half years ago i was a completely different person, i was sheltered, i was in a very toxic relationship ... with myself. Most people would disagree, they'd say i was actually in a toxic relationship with my ex partner; but i cant blame him. Dont get me wrong he was toxic and looking back i was lucky to get out when i did, however i am also grateful too him, because he showed me exactly what i dont want in my life. and being fair to him i'd lived with my own toxicity in my mind for a good 10 years before him, so god forbid i'd give him the satisfaction of all that praise coz by god did i do a damned good number on myself without any of his help. ;)

In all honestly though, i do blame myself and my own mind, because 2 and a half years ago those little voices in my own head were the only thing i was listening to, they were winning. I wasnt listening to my family who were worried sick about me, who were practically begging me to tell them what was going on in my head, who i shut out, ignored and pushed away because i couldnt cope and you know what? they didnt deserve that at all. i live everyday regretting that i put them through that, So i now live everyday hoping to make them proud of me and live each and everyday with a promise. I do however live every day regretting that i didnt let them in earlier because if i had of i wouldnt have gone through the hell i did and i wouldnt have genuinely believed "this is what i deserve" "no-one else will love you" "no-one else wants you" "no-one cares"... i wouldnt have had too live a LIE.

The lie was people did love me, i just couldnt see it, people did care about me, i just wouldnt hear it, i needed their help, i just wouldnt speak it; because at that point in time my own mind was telling me that i didnt deserve any of that, and that nobody would ever want to do that for me. So i found sactuary in a toxic person who in the long run made me the strong person i am today because if it werent for him i'd never have the confidence in myself knowing what i overcame, and if it werent for him i wouldnt have seen my family and loved ones take charge and say "Leanne enough is enough" .. they gave me the metaphorical slap across the face i damned well needed and brought me back to reality, they categorically wouldnt allow that behaviour to carry on anymore and for that i will forever be grateful!

i made a promise to them that day that i would always tell them when i was getting low again and i made a promise to myself that day that i would keep them in the forefront of my mind in all of my decisions and i would also promise to try and help anyone else who was ever in the same position i was in.

depression is a funny old thing, everyone will experience some form of depression throughout their life, some people are genetically wired to experience it, some people will experience it from a young age, some dont experience it until very late on in life, some experience it from sad/happy/overwhelming life events, some unlucky souls just never find happiness. but no matter what EVERYONE will, at somepoint experience depression. in this blog im going to try and explain how i've learned to manage and cope with mine.

A bit of a backstory of my depression, it started around the age of 14-15, my depression. I dont know where it came from but it was right around the time of my GCSE's, college, boys, hormones, and being diagnosed with PCOS (for those of you who dont know what that is its Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) i was told at a young age of 14 that i had some sort of syndrome which "would only matter when i got older", and that i had some of the prettiest ovaries the sonographer and gyneacologist had ever seen... in hindsight that wasnt going to be the compliment i first thought it was or the dismissive statement they portrayed it and brushed it off as, at all! THAT diagnosis changed alot of my life, however i will get back to that.

As most teens do around here I started studying for my GCSE's at just 15 years old. i was so stressed out i started actually hearing a screaming voice in my head. i suffered panic attacks daily, sometimes a few attacks a day, and that is where my anxiety started and then, good old depression smashed me in the face. i found the more stressed i became, the more id hear that screaming inside my head which then lead me to thinking " holy fucking shitballs im hearing voices im actually insane" therefore leading to more anxiety and panic attacks. so much so i would come home exhausted at 4pm everyday crawl into my pyjamas and climb into bed ready to do it all again the following day. (dont get me wrong i sat most nights on msn using the latest flashing emojis for EACH and EVERY letter of the alphabet, to the point it looked more like hyroglyphics and obviously getting the colours just right with the codes to make your name and status show in a rainbow. but that was all done in pj's curled up in bed because i couldnt manage much else ... however, if my mam asks i was revising and doing my homework THE. WHOLE. TIME, not talking to my friends about how hot a certain crush's bum looked that day ha! am i right! :P xoxo)

This was all a massive thing for me to go through aswell, due to the fact my dad has mental health issues and lives with schizophrenia, so, naturally at this point, you can imagine i was picturing myself in padlocked straight jackets and padded cells, talking away to the screaming voice in my head. the funniest thing was this screaming voice wasnt saying anything nasty or bad it was just my thoughts screaming at me like everything was angry, so genuinely just everyday life thoughts but those screaming at me, like, imagine thinking "leanne dont forget to pack your PE kit" but in the voice of Gunnery Sergeant Hartman from Full Metal Jacket... it. was. TERRIFYING!

Anyways, so yes high school was a massive contributor, then i made the choice to leave college at 17 because i, like many others, didnt have the faintest clue what i wanted to be when i grew up (little did i know id live the life of peter pan and neverland would be my sesh house OIOI!!!) In leaving college i went into full time work, as a 'temp job' until i decided what i was going to do... unfortunately, 8 and a half years later i was still their prisoner! haha, Nah, dont get me wrong i met some absolutely amazing people in that job and i did love it but i knew at the end, if i didnt get out it was going to kill me off. I'd gotten to the point in that job that i cried myself to sleep knowing i had to go back in the next day. that place contributed alot to my depression not because it was a bad job but because id made a wrong decision and was stuck there. i had to leave.

my next massive contributor, and this is where i divulge some of my REAL heartbreaks. PCOS - Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome or what i like to call Poly fucking Cystic fucking Ovary fucking Syndrome or "lets just fuck shit up!" (no im not bitter about it at all lol) because of this shit, from the very young age of 14 (like puberty isnt hard enough - spots, hair in places you never wanted boobs growing overnight, bleeding once a month being the biggest inconvenience) i have also had to deal with weight issues, hersuitism, depression, anxiety, hormones that sent me bat shit crazy, pain, headaches, fatigue, you name it i had it. but the biggest heartbreak, being told that id always have difficulty concieving and carrying a child. Anyone who knows me, and knows me well, knows i have always wanted to be a mam. (and not the sesh mam who looks after all my drunken idiotic friends on a night out ... coz i swear thats all they ever think i do lol) I mean a real mam, to a real baby. and being told at a young age that i had the prettiest ovaries the gyneacologist had ever seen wasnt the compliment i thought it was because it turned out my ovaries were absolutely covered in cysts. And for years i have tried to have a baby but alas nothing ever happens. i've had a few close calls and ive miscarried, or at least i think i did, the test came back positive but then about 3 days after that pretty pink second line, i had the heaviest period i had ever had for around 4 hours and then my body went back to normal as if nothing happened. it broke my heart.

They say the human body is delicate and intricate and should be treated with respect... i say its a machine and its a absolute twat at times, and why should i respect what in essence has caused me heartbreak from a young age FOR NO FUCKING REASON. but hey ho... life. goes. on.

so... thats my life story or just a snippet of it. and some of the reasons why i have depression.

heres how i cope...

Well, for a long time.. and i mean a VERY LONG time i didnt. i hid it, i hid away from the world. i drank alot. i avoided family, i avoided my best friends, i avoided anything that would have brought me back to reality.

For a long time though, thats what i needed. now im not saying running away from your issues is easy and thats what you should do because its definitely not. im saying i NEEDED to do it at the time because i had no other way of coping and i NEEDED too to learn what not to do in the future. So masking, for me, was better than facing things 'alone'. In that time though, i made my issues alot worse and in fact caused more issues. it hurt my family, my friends and well hurt myself too, because in the long run i still had to sober up and i still had to deal with the same issues that got me down in the first place, i ended up in debt which contributed further too my issues. I did some very silly things which when i look back on them now i could have hurt so many people. i took an overdose of painkillers at one point around 2 and a half years ago. I felt so weak i saw no other outcome but instantly regretted doing it and made myself sick so that they came back up. i've told my mother and close friends about this previously but i think to really show how much i've learned and to reach out to anyone who is feeling the same way i did, to tell them IT REALLY DOES GET BETTER AND EASIER. i think saying that, shows my honesty throughout this post and allows for my experience and honesty really show that i want to help anyone going through the same thing.

Masking just makes the pain go away for a short period of time. learning from your pain and making it your strength is how you really overcome your own mind and depression.

It wasnt until i realised i was never alone, just how selfish and stupid id been all that time, because in masking, hiding and running away, id stupidly stopped myself from a faster recovery, less heartache, less pain and mental and physical torture. and really i stopped myself from helping others in the same position as me.

it wasnt until i learned to make my pain my strength that i truly found peace in who i am.

i still have days where those voices wont shut up, and they win and thats ok.

i still have days where i cannot climb out of bed and thats ok.

i still have days where i cry and the pain is too much and thats ok.

because i learned all of it really is ok! everyone has those same thoughts the same feelings the same illnesses. and i know that tomorrow WILL be a better day.

you just need to learn how to make it and own it as your own!

nothing has changed for me, all of those things are still true they're still real, my body hasnt miraculously healed itself, i still made poor life choices, it hasnt changed my hormonal imbalances but it has changed my mindset. it has changed my life. i made a choice to change my mindset and not let it beat me i decided to let people in. my family are my guardian angels because they never gave up on me, they dragged it out of me and frogmarched me to the doctors for the help i needed but some people dont have that support in their lives.

i'm lucky enough now, to have lived with this for long enough to know my signs, and when i know what i call, "going dark" is coming. basically when i start slipping and losing control of it again, i identify it and know how to manage it head on. unfortunately my body because of the stupid "intricate machine" i have and how broken it is (believe me the day i can swap out into an AI robot body imma sign straight up for that shit imma have me a body like Jennifer Anniston) my body however tends to go into a meltdown, i end up with more migraines, pain and infections. i also get extremely tired to the point i can sleep for a good 15-20 hours a day and thats not me being lazy (although if sleeping were an olympic sport i'd be the universal champion of it BED=LIFE) thats really me needing to reset. at that point in time when i know this is coming, thats when i reach out; i tell my friends and my family "I'm not okay" because i know now i can do that, i can talk to them.

i, personally, take medication daily, and for some reason we live in a society where people are actually shamed for doing so. i know if i dont take those 2 little tablets every day i will lose control and become a shell of who i really am. my seratonin levels drop and i practically become a robot barely functioning. so why should i be ashamed of those 2 little 'happy pills' which make me the person i want to be and know i truly am! no chemical imbalance is going to get the better of me! if i can have the help, im damned sure going to take it. along with the happy pills, aswell as alot of sleep, sunbeds, spending time with family and friends whenever i possibly can, i now have a job that i love, i also retrained as a beautician, and i love going to the gym and swimming whenever i can, ive found i can manage mine alot better. one thing that massively changed my life was limitting when i drink. i rarely go out drinking anymore and the reason is because i know deep down i will end up in a very low state afterwards. alcohol is a depressant and i wont allow that kind of thing to get me down. so now instead i choose to drink once a month if not less. i havent cut out the drink completely i just know if i want to get blinding drunk i need to be in a very happy place to do so. so i am careful where i drink, who i drink with and what i do whilst im drinking and unfortunately much to my neighbours disgust that tends to be in the house whilst singing along to whitney houston or disney songs at the top of my lungs, but thats how i know i'll not plummet the day after, and lets face it anyone whose heard me singing knows whitney had nothing on me ;)

In all seriousness though, the best advice i can give anyone living with depression is talk to someone, talk to your family, talk to your neighbour, talk to your friends, talk to your doctor, talk to your dog, your cat, the postman, the man on the bus who sits oddly close too you... just talk to anyone. tell them how you are feeling tell them your experiences. tell them what is getting to you. Find someone who you can trust, find a stranger. write it all down in a blog. video it. GET IT ALL OFF YOUR CHEST! SAY IT OUT LOUD! Just. Bloody. Talk! please!

everyones experiences with depression are different some people mask it, some people show it, some people (like me now) shout it from the fucking rooftops because im not afraid of my emotions anymore.

everyones ways of coping are different too, some people find the gym helps, some rely on medication, some rely on talking therapies... there are so many different ways of coping out there now... the only way that doesnt work is not admitting something is wrong and fighting your own mind without help, knowing something isnt right but still doing nothing about it. The only way of not coping is living a lie, you dont have to do this alone!

Basically do those things just for you, the ones you've always wanted to do! get that tattoo you wanted, quit your job, retrain, change your hair colour, buy that car, buy that dog, book that holiday.

do what makes YOU happy!

live for you and open up, people would rather know how you are feeling than see you struggle or ultimately not be here.

open up you never know someone might be feeling the exact same way you are and it could bring you closer.

but remember most importantly:

You ARE NOT Alone..

You ARE NOT Crazy..

You ARE NOT insane..

You HAVE NOT lost the plot..

You ARE NOT hopeless..

You ARE NOT worthless..

You ARE NOT unloveable..

You ARE NOT pathetic..

You ARE NOT weird..

You ARE NOT a psycho..

You ARE NOT strange..

And..

You ARE okay...

You ARE Beautiful..

You ARE Worth it..

YOU ARE Loved

i hope this helps...

thank you ☺

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edsbev · 6 years ago

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can we just talk about the whole window climbing thing? it’s so soft. Eddie being half asleep with his back facing the window, and then Richie climbs in (clumsily, so he makes a lil noise) and Eddie just turns with his eyes still closed and says calls for him with grabby hands. And Richie says ‘hi, baby’ kisses Eddies forehead and lets him curl up in his chest. “I love you, bubba.” followed by “I love you too, lovebug.” And then they’re both asleep. S O F T

ok so i wrote a lil thing for this but its not rlly like ur message at all im sorryfhjds i just love this trope and i dont think ive rlly written anything thats focused on it before?? so heres this sappy garbage that was supposed to be like 500 words and ended up being 1.9k lmao (also a bit of this is nsfw not rlly but just a warning)

Eddie doesn’t always hear it,when Richie comes through the window, but still he knows the action better thananything, by a distinct set of sounds.

There is a soft thud atfirst, of Richie’s palm meeting the glass, and then the scraping of woodagainst wood, of the window being moved up in its frame. Sometimes rattling as Richie struggles with the weight. There is a beat afterthat - once the window is lifted enough for Richie to stick his hand under itand push it up the rest of the way - where he pulls his hand away. And in thatbeat comes a rush of music from outside. Summer nights bring the chirps ofinsects, a car or two humming as it crawls along the road. Autumn nights bringa wind that rattles the frame and rustle the trees. Spring nights bring theflap of bird wings and hooting of owls.

All nights bring a little gruntfrom Richie’s throat as he slides the window right up until he can crawlthrough it. And sometimes that is followed with laughter, as he tumbles ontoEddie’s floor. Or Eddie’s name sung sweetly, teasingly from Richie’s lips as hesticks his head in through the opened window. Or a groan that escapes withouthim being for it. Or nothing at all.

Tonight, it is winter, and themusic is an orchestra of heavy rain hitting the roof and the road and the soggygrass. And it’s so loud that Eddie can’t make out anything else. Lies on hisside in his bed, his back to the window, his face half buried in his pillow.With one eye open he sees a rectangle of moonlight spill into his dark, quietroom, paint silver over the carpet. And then a dark shape, shadowing over thatlight, in the vague shape of Richie hunched over and squeezing himself throughthe gap. And then tumbling onto the floor.

The bed shakes and mattress dipsas Richie leaps onto it. Landing on his knees by Eddie’s side, his hand holdinghim up planted on Eddie’s spare pillow. When Eddie rolls over, he comes face toface with the image of Richie leaning over him, eyes bright and grin wide.Looking raggedy and breathless, with shadows cutting over his face and his haircurling over his forehead.

“Hey,” Eddie says,with a smile. When he breathes in, Richie smells damp, of rain and the bitterair outside.

“Hey,” Richie says,and leans down further for a kiss. And that’s when Eddie feels something cold and wet driponto the corner of his eye, and slide down toward his ear, like a tear.

“Holy shit, Richie,”Eddie yelps - in a way that’s more like he’s swallowing down a yelp, because heneeds to be quiet. He gets a hand onto Richie chest and pushes him away.“You’re dripping wet you fucking idiot.”

Richie lets himself be pushed,stumbling off the bed and onto his feet with a laugh. “Please let me kissyou,” he says, no less cheerful and breathless.

Eddie sits up, and now thatRichie is standing right where the moonlight hits him, Eddie can see the wayRichie’s wet hair sticks to his face, his skin shiny and damp when it catchesin the light. His jeans look plastered to his skin and the shoulders of hisdenim jacket are so soaked through they’re black.

“You walk here?” Eddieasks, as a joke.

“Ran,” Richie replies.

“Fuck off, you’resuch an idiot,” Eddie says, though there’s a tinge of affection to it,because Richie is still grinning at him, looking almost eager and excited.Happy. Eddie would think he’s drunk only he didn’t smell any alcohol on himwhen he was close. Just that sweet scent of rain. “You have a car, youknow.”

“Yeah but I’m grounded, youknow,” Richie repeats in the same know-it-all tone. He cocks hiseyebrow, the corner of his mouth, in a teasing “what? you asked forit” when Eddie looks offended at the mockery. “Now how about thatsmooch. I didn’t run all the way here just to look at you. Not that that’d beterrible–”

“Get out of those wetclothes and I’ll think about.”

“I like where this isgoing,” Richie says, and starts to peel off his jacket.

Eddie laughs.

It’s always been this way. Well,not always always. But throughout all the time that’s mattered, Richiehas been climbing in through Eddie’s window.

When they were twelve, andRichie was sticking out a sticky hand for Eddie to shake. And Eddie was saying“my name is Eddie,” and Richie was saying “my name isRichie,” and one week later Richie fell from Eddie’s window sill ontoEddie’s floor purely because he was curious if he could actually climb throughit and Eddie screamed because he thought a burglar had broken in.

When they were fourteen and bestfriends and Richie would crawl in through the window because he was bored. Andthey’d play cards on the bedroom floor and Richie would laugh and push hisglasses up his nose over and over and talk about girls in a way that soundedmore like he was just reciting words he had heard and not saying anything he’dthought of himself.

When they were sixteen and onthe verge of dating and Richie’s toes would find the carpet late at night,shutting the dark out behind him. And they’d spend the nights lying side byside in Eddie’s bed, painfully aware of each other’s presence. Careful not totouch but so desperately wanting to. Their legs and arms and ankles alwaysmysteriously draped over each other in the morning. Eddie never knew why Richiecame in, then, because he doubted so late at night that Richie was just bored,and that was usually why Richie would climb through his window. But then Eddiefound his nerve one night when he’d rolled over in bed and found Richie awake,looking at him sleepily beneath heavy eyelids - and Eddie realised he’d caughtRichie staring at the back of his head, as he so often stared at the back of Richie’shead, gaze tracing over Richie’s curls. And so he’d leaned over and pressedhis lips against Richie’s, and Richie kissed him back in a gentle way, like it was a dream he didn’t want to wake up from, and Eddie realised thatRichie came over because he just wanted to be close to him, just as Eddie hadwanted to be close to Richie.

When they were eighteen and inlove but too young to truly know it and Richie would sweep into Eddie’s roompast midnight with an eagerness that was not so much excited as it wasdesperate. Eddie would sit up and Richie was already there, kneeling in frontof him on the bed, a hand cupping Eddie’s cheek. “Eddie,” hewould breathe, with their noses bumping and lips so close every breath Richietook sent a thrill up Eddie’s spine and Richie’s gaze glued to Eddie’s mouth.“I’ve been thinking about you.” He’d say it in the same way someonemight say “I want you.”

Eddie’s own gaze was glued toRichie’s mouth. He’d reply, “I’ve been thinking about you too.”

And Richie would kiss him. AndRichie would push Eddie gently onto his back and kiss him. Kiss slowlydown his jaw, kiss hot and wanting down Eddie’s neck, until little gaspswere escaping Eddie’s throat and Richie was sucking at Eddie’s skin with agroan. And they’d continue until they were both undressed and Eddie wasscraping his nails down Richie’s back and biting his lip to hold back a sob andRichie was rocking into him and biting down on Eddie’s shoulder to hold back aslew of swears that would escape anyway.

And through it all Eddie wouldnotice that in his rush Richie had left the window open. And he’d feel a senseof freedom in it, being able to feel the night air on his face, and see thestars in the sky, before Richie would kiss the side of his mouth and holdEddie’s chin so he could look into his eyes. Like whatever was, is, betweenthem - this all-encompassing feeling of…feeling - didn’t need to behidden.

They’re still eighteen now. Butthey’re verging on nineteen very quickly, and maybe soon they’ll move out. Intoa house that’s their own, no parents to ground them because ‘if you’re under myroof you’re under my rules".

“I think these jeans arepermanently stuck on me,” Richie says, still trying to jimmy out of hiswet clothing. His jacket and shirt are off, chest bare, but he actually hasn’tbothered to go so far as to unbutton his pants. Just gave them one look andgave up. “This is how I’ll have to live now. With jeans for legs. You cancall me Jean-Boy.”

“Oh my god,” Eddielaughs, climbing out of bed. He stands in front of Richie, tilts his head up togive his boyfriend a grin as he tucks his fingers into the waistband of hisjeans. “Do I really have to do everything for you, Jean-Boy?”

In a house that’s their own,they can have the windows open all the time. Even on rainy nights like this.Because their house won’t be here, in Derry. It’ll be somewhere where theynever have to hide.

Richie smiles down at him. Hishair is already starting to dry and frizz and curl. Eddie feels a suddenfondness for him and his frizzy hair but he doesn’t feel like reaching up toRichie’s mouth so he just plants a soft kiss below Richie’s bare collarbone.

When he looks back up again, hesees a flash of Richie’s grin before Richie is ducking down and pressing a kissto the corner of Eddie’s eye. Then his cheek. Then below Eddie’s ear. Then hisjaw. Then, then, then.

“Oooh, my EddieSpaghetti,” Richie croons as Eddie giggles at all the soft littlekisses. “He’d do anything for me. He loovess me.”

“Wow, you got me,”Eddie says. He struggles with the buttons of Richie’s jeans for a moment beforepopping them open. “Now help me get these jeans off so we can go to bed. Iwanna be little spoon this time because I always get a shit night sleep whenyou’re little spoon.”

In a house that’s their own,Richie won’t have to climb in over the window sill and creep over the carpet,run all the way over here in the rain just because he wants to sleep with Eddiecurled up by his side.

“Yeah, yeah,whatever,” Richie grumbles. Together they manage to unstick Richie’s dampjeans from his damp legs and peel them right off over his feet. Then theystumble over into Eddie’s bed, laughing, Eddie shushing Richie when he gets tooloud, reminding him of his mother downstairs. Richie slots himself againstEddie’s back and smothers his laughter into Eddie’s neck. Then noses there affectionately. Then falls asleep with his lips pressed to Eddie’s shoulder and his body warm and dry. And there’s a contentedness to it that makes Eddie think that Richie wholeheartedly believes that running all the way here against the rain is worth it. Not that he’d ever admit it in a way that isn’t disguised as a joke - that he’d brave cold nights and hot summer days and the climb up to the second storey and the wrestle with Eddie’s window just to be pressed up against Eddie like this. But Eddie knows.

Eddie will miss it.

#reddie #ask #writing #mine #why is everything i write the same #dfgghhjjkk #Anonymous #yall can take this trope from my cold dead hands idc that its been done to death !!!!!#also i might have actually written somethin abt this before i cant remember #all my writing blurs together bc. its all the same like i said lmao #but im pretty sure i havent??#idk idk

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leonbastralle · 7 years ago

Text

Malmine’s Day Out In Berry World (And More) - Replies

i could absolutely get used to this, also sorry for the wall of text but i think read more works on mobile now?

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “M: I HAVE THE BEST WIFE HA HA HA!!!!! ALSO FOOD!”

mAAAAAAARR STOP BEING SUCH A HUGE NERD

HE CANT THIS IS WHO HE IS

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

IM GOING TO HIRE U UR BETTER AT CAPPING THEM THAN I AM ❤️ 😭👌🏼

wtf nOOO your shots are so aesthetic i just take a billion pics and post them all but also pls hire me for anything thanks

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

YESSSS

WOOOOOOOOOO

pixeldemographics replied to your post “I heard you wanted to see a weirdo (not)”

Wow a cutie patootie with an extremely Adequate Shirt!! ❤️

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

Hell. YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH

THEIR FIRST DIP KISS I CANT BELIEVE IT

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

mar stop manhandling ur wife also they cant escape their origin story lmao

its gr8 man i wish i could do smth cool with art and shadows now

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

IM Dying AND LIVING SO MUCH RN THANK U THANK U THIS IS A BALM AFTER U KNOW WHAT

tHATS GOOD THATS GR8 IM FEELING V ACCOMPLISHED

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

@1st pic mar wheres that hand going mar what are u doing

pl A C E S u kno thats just how he is

man i sure lov those presidents and their impure thoughts in public places

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “M: Jessamine! You did great. J: Why thank you! You weren’t too bad...”

Yes YESSSSS APPRECIATE EACH OTHER JESS RUN UR HANDS ALL OVER THAT BACK

now thats a comment i could have written

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “M: I want death.”

MY DUDE ITS PART OF BEING A POLITICIAN

i KNOW I JUST HAD TO

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

theres my perfect daughter in law

:o she is man

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “after today I’ll actually gonna stop spamming sims I can’t take credit...”

who the fuck is this tho idk her lmao

your goddess thats who

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “local alien cinnamon roll still a cinnamon roll”

can i adopt her please (i dont remember if i did already or not)

u can totally adopt and/or marry her tho tbh adopting WOULD probably be better since glow would get v sad and pathi v mad if u married her...well find someone else for u to marry if youd like and its not creepy

pixeldemographics replied to your post “wcifthe eyes of blue guy that trellis talked to?”

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! iM LOVING THE TAGS EYE EMOJI

tHANK YOU I WASNT SURE IF THEY WERE TOO MUCH BUT SOMEONE TOLD ME TO DO IT

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “J: Good game, Trellis! T: Man…it seems talent just can’t beat youth....”

im crying so much jess is back at it with the selfies and trellis im so proud of trellis she is so GOOD

sAME I HAV A LOT OF FEELINGS FOR BOTH OF THEM ALSO LIL JESS OUTING HERSELF ABT HER FLAME OBSESSION ONCE MORE

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “T: Okay, remind me again why we HAVE to have a hot president?”

Ok trellis but......... a concept......... its gr8 he beat his meat to get here

i mean since im a troll and like to put impossible knowledge in my sims trellis has a clue or two but if it was confirmed to her i assure you she would appreciate the work that went into those biceps

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

ASSSSSS

aLSO A COOL SHOT SMH

pixeldemographics replied to your post “9, 10”

;) ;) ;) im living for this potential murdering for the challenge

;) ;) ;) ;) ;) dude i might have to tell you because i wanna tell someone and you inspired this so...and for all we know i might never get to gen 8 which would mean id never finish the rainbowcy and start smth new so

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

dUNKED

fun fact abt this shot: i drew half of the fuccin net because the bball always clips through it during this and i hated it so much because i loved the shot a lot

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

mAKE MOMMA PROUD

ALWAYS SHE WAS SO DAMN GOOD

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

dan trellis has some nice legs :o GO GIRL

well she got a lot of exercise but i too would lov naturally hairless legs

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

smh opal arent u supposed to support ur partner in balls

opal dont support anyone that aint sprout tbh

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “O: Woooooooooo!! Not bad, Mr President. M: Please never call me that...”

i MEAN trellis did u check those ABS and GUNS and bAD SHOULDERS OUT???

shE DID TRUST ME SHE TOOK A REASONABLE AMOUNT OF TIME TO ACKNOWLEDGE THESE ABS AND GUNS AND BAD SHOULDERS AND MORE

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “?”

idk what happened with that comment im dead

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “?”

cOME ON AND SMAAAAASH AND WELCOME TO THE JAM 👀 👀 👀 👀 👀

i dont know man but its beautiful

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

jfsdsfjdsfsd im crying so much im dead and im so glad mar is like..... giving nip town some much needed rep

he is man he is i need more of it but i also dont wanna b too obnoxious abt it...and also im realising the only other nip town rep on this blog will probably b snowdrifticus...

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

ill b very honest and admit that in light of recent conversations this image can have some...... er ot i c....... connotations...... which is to say...... i lov it

cATII PLS I TOOK THIS AS AN AESTHETIC INNOCENT SHOT

(but also yes. yes y e ss YE S)

pixeldemographics replied to your photo “The Outlaw & The Outcast”

PROTECC THESE KIDS FROM THIS DISFUNCTIONAL FAMILY

ILL TRY MAN i dont think the fam is gonna b the biggest danger to them tho

pixeldemographics replied to your photo “The Outlaw & The Outcast”

ALSO I LOV THEIR PROFILES I LOV THEM I LOVE PULSES SASS AND U KNO HOW I FEEL ABT HER IN GENERAL (WINK WINK)

i kNO HOW U FEEL ABT HER YES I KNO JUST WELL I KNO U WANT THAT MIDDLE FINGER (im sorry the friend u ordered is broken ill get u a refund)

pixeldemographics replied to your photo “The Outlaw & The Outcast”

OK FIRST OFF THIS IS SUCH AN AMAZING AESTHETIC IM CRYING SO HARD RN

aaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA???????????????? CAN U NOT YOURE AESTHETIC GOALS AND YOU CALL THIS AESTHETIC I CRY IVE BEEN APPROVED BY THE AESTHETIC QUEEN??

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “T: *regrets challenging the boss of everything* M: Did the ball really...”

Also i cry bc if she shortens her name as usual its mar which is sea in portuguese and just adds to the whole aesthetic :’)

;____________; yE S

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “T: *regrets challenging the boss of everything* M: Did the ball really...”

It seems like mar is not the only one who handles balls well 👀 👀 👀

i mean...there is a possibility that she does too i wouldnt know.......theres actually a possibility that they r all pretty skilled i wonder why

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

Is that a face of....... r e g r e t

probably, trellis is competitive af and v easily gets insecure when shes not the best (aka me???)

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “J: He’s so cute! T: Isn’t he? I did good. Is Martinique joining us...”

But im crying and dying and thriving so hard rn u said this was the fave IT IS I LOVE THIS SO MUCH ❤️❤️❤️

;______________________________________________; i too am crying in retrospect and was crying

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “J: He’s so cute! T: Isn’t he? I did good. Is Martinique joining us...”

Jess would probably love to b slam dunked tbh i cant believe her

👀 👀 *halamshiral eavesdrop voice* inTERESTINGGGG pls tell me mor

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “S: I assume that’s a rhetorical question. I’ll browse the shops for...”

jess: wow love!!!

her face looking at shine and trellis gave me life she was probably like...mar too likes to do this...and that...i wonder if he too will still do that when were older...will he stay with me...i sure hope so

and trellis was like well if he dont u kno shine will freeze him and then ill literally kill him so i bet he dont want to risk that

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “T: *giggles* Shine, come on. I’d have thought you knew me better than...”

i approve of trellis conscientious citizenship i LOV HER

sAME IM SO GLAD I GOT THE OPPORTUNITY TO DEVELOP THIS PART OF HER

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “T: *giggles* Shine, come on. I’d have thought you knew me better than...”

lmao i bet shine is picturing this in one of those top 10 anime betrayals meme

yes absolutely can u pls make a meme out of this and also everything

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “T: I’m here, darling…oh, Jess! Hi! You made it! J: Trellis! Ready for...”

cOME ON AND SLAM AND WELCOME TO THE JAM

YOU GOT IT

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “S: Mrs Lilywhite! Is that you? What a coincidence! It’s good to see...”

dsjasdsasdajdsajsadjsad im living and dying and crying so much ANNIEEEEEEEE

aksjfbakjsbfkajbsfknajsbfaksjf already ;_;

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “S: Wait, isn’t that…”

yES YES IT IS SJSDJDJSDFFSDDSF

me watching you commenting:

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “It’s time for a group outing on Trellis’ day off!”

i lov the sound of that warning i know ill die

same always

pixeldemographics replied to your post “2, 6, 13, 14, 20, 29, 30!! ;)”

follow up question whats flames fave type of meme

flame is flame he loves every meme he IS every meme but a few selected faves would be alien guy, doge, breadsticks, ermergerd, history of...um...whatever the berry name of japan is my color page isnt working xD and dark kermit i think those are some of his faves yes

pixeldemographics replied to your post “2, 6, 13, 14, 20, 29, 30!! ;)”

i cant believe aur went to the gym and play with his b balls ;)

but can u rly not because i can, i too would if u hav such mighty balls u gotta give them some appreciation

pixeldemographics replied to your post “2, 6, 13, 14, 20, 29, 30!! ;)”

i cant believe ficus is surrounded by ppl who give middle fingers and trELLIS TOTALLY HAS THE FACE OF A MURDERER YES

hES SO SAFE (ALSO NOT RLY) and thank you because she absolutely considered to get in on som fango plots

pixeldemographics replied to your post “special noses (u rly vary ur shape) and fluffy lips, they always look...”

the lips mostly!! but theyre always in combo with the nose i cant describe it but yes these soft kids

;________________; i mean...i guess they are their mothers children...

#pixeldemographics #replies #non-sims #saviorhide

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wristsofidleness · 7 years ago

Text

(happy birthday!!)

I wanted to send you something aside from the chat, but messages are too short and sending it to you via facebook seemed weird so… here I am!

(obviously this is less than a submission and more of an “I needed a place where I could type a lot and it wouldn’t get lost in our chat”.)

First and foremost:

Happy Birthday, Jinali! 🎉🎉🎈

I’m really shit when it comes to writing birthday messages/expressing feelings, but I really really wanted to use this opportunity tell you how happy I am that we’ve met online.

You’re this friend that weirdly takes a long time to answer messages and yet is also always there when I’m “in need”. I don’t even have to ask, I might just make a post because sometimes life is shit and all of a sudden there’s a message from you or some words of encouragement that mean the world to me ♥

And you’ve recommended so many good things to me, like The Raven Cycle, Six of Crows and Buffy (which I have yet to finish THOUGH NETFLIX REMOVED IT). I can’t imagine my life now without The Raven Boys (hello, my url) and not only did you recommend this to me, but you also read all my silly/stupid/senseless rants and feelings while I was reading/watching them.

The other day I saw a post that said that online friendships at first are weird because conversations consisted mostly of “hi”, “hi”, “how are you?” “great and you” “very well, thank you” and ended there and not only did I ever feel that it went like that with us back then*, but it’s been two years and we still have loads of things to talk about. At least for me, it’s never been weird.

*(also, I’m 80% sure I’ve already told you this but just in case I haven’t I’ll say it again: I think we started properly talking (exchanging actual messages?) somewhere around my 23rd birthday. I don’t know exactly H O W, but I remember it had something to do with me posting something about my birthday, you commenting something about “oh, I didn’t know it was your birthday” and some message that I’m guessing you sent me because it’s not in my inbox (or I sent it and my inbox deleted it), and boom! we were friends. It was fast in a (nice) way because what I remember from that time is that we just started talking and went on and on and on and for me there was never some awkward phase of “mmm… I don’t know what else to say/how to respond to this” and until today it still feels this way *hopes I’m not jinxing it*. Anyway, what I think I’ve already told you is this: back then, I had been thinking a lot about sending you a message that basically went something like “you tag me on stuff, like my posts, I like your posts and you seem like a really cool girl, wanna be friends?” but obviously better written and with actual arguments. I never got around to send it, though, because we started talking, but you were weeks away from receiving a message like that. You just seemed so cool and I wanted to be your friend.)

(Speaking of old messages, I’ve just found that you also encouraged me to buy The Cuckoo’s Calling, so add that to the list of awesome things that happened in my life because of you. Isn’t it weird that I’ve never seen you in real life and yet you’ve had a visible impact in my life?

Also, in one of those late-2015 messages you said to me, when I asked you if I could follow you on instagram, “n yes OF COURSE! ill follow you back. insta, twitter, facebook, goodreads, whichever you want.” like WAIT ANOTHER YEAR AND WE’LL BE MESSAGING IN EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE WEBSITES)

I think I’m doing this with you right now because I like showing affection to my real-life friends (by hugging them, buying them some small present that I know they’ll enjoy, going places, making plans, etc), but you’re an online friend and I don’t have the chance to do any of those things. And it’s your birthday now, so isn’t it the perfect day to tell you how happy I am to have you in my life?

So this long, endless, completely incoherent mess of a message is my way of telling you thank you for being my friend and being around all these years. I’m glad we started talking and I’m glad we’re still friends and haven’t drifted apart and I’m so happy to have a friend with whom I share so many things and fandoms in common ♥

You’re the best. Happy birthday, Jinali! Eat lots of cake, spend time with the people you love, and I hope this new year is full of love and good things! 💜💜🎂🎊🎉🎉🎊🎈

(PS: I hope I’m doing this whole submission thing ok. I think you have to approve it, and thus see it, and it doesn’t post it automatically. No, I checked on my blog and it should appear as a message, this is not a message sadly)

szkjfhkshfksfk Selene, listen thank you doesnt even begin to cover it. first off, you’re an angel for tolerating my bad replying habits. Ive been particularly bad about it this year. I know 🙈*hides in a corner* thsi has been a frustrating year, not gonna lie, but you’ve been incredibly kind and thank you for not only listening to my rants but being so understanding. its helped me more than you realise 💖

also i still cant believe that i actually have a friend with exactly the same taste as me. so thank YOU for fangirling and loving it all as much as I do so im not just shouting into the void anymore.

Ive talked to quite a few people on here but i was never comfortable enough to actually tag them in posts or even dare to strike up a conversation out of the blue but you always seemed so approachable and i guess that speaks to the kind of vibe you gave out 😊 wait im pretty sure i can track down the post that got us talking so im gonna send you a link. also im so grateful to my weird 18 year old self who thought it was perfectly normal to thank someone for being their 100th follower back in 2012 😂

I still can’t understand how we havent run out of topics to talk about by now. I cant believe there’s not a single website where we dont have an ongoing conversation. I cant believe we didnt even spare goodreads ffs 😂

just.. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for everything. I love you and I hope that even as we change and grow, we never drift apart 😙

#this is sappy im sorry #@selene #j turns 23 #submission

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clarke-kom-eden · 7 years ago

Text

I wrote something.... I'm scared! Here goes! Ahhhhh!!!!!

I have never written or posed a fic before, I just sort of, had an idea and went for it. It may be terrible, it probably is, but, im giving it a go! Post season 4, bellarke, follows canon, I think. Anything science ish is completely made up though! sorry if ive mis-tagged or anything, I really don’t know what I’m doing! Sorry for the accent. I felt he had an accent.

“Nevermind, I see you.”

If she was completely honest with herself, for the longest time now, Clarke had begun to feel like it would never happen. She had tried to stay hopeful, she really had, but with each passing day it became harder. Had they ever even made it to the ark? Had she spent the past 6 years talking to ghosts?

But here it was, reality, a ship. Until she really looked at it. She remembered talk of Becca testing nightblood on a mining colony, but the people out there were lost, and would have perished long ago, and weren’t they criminals?

Clarke waited back, shielding Madi, and watched as the crew of around 30 men left the ship. She saw as they basked in the sun, felt the drops of rain on their skin, touched the grass around them, and remembered when the Hundred had first landed on earth, filled with hope.

Clarke was unsure how to proceed. From what she had observed,they seemed like ordinary men, but they had been sent away for a reason, and abandoned in space for years, they could be dangerous. However, it was an incredibly small piece of earth to inhabit, and more than likely she and Madi would be discovered soon. Clarke decided she would rather be in control of the situation, and so, eyes sharp, weapon hot, made her approach.

“My name is Clarke Griffin,” she called from a distance, “I wish to speak to whoever is in charge.”

An older man, with toughened skin and a greying beard took a few steps forward, keeping his hands raised.

“Well I’ll be damned. There really is someone living down here?!” He had an accent Clarke had only ever heard in an old western film she had once watched on the ark.

“More than one. Stay back.”

He stopped.

“Missy we don’t mean no harm or nothing, we just want to get our bearings. Are you from that there bunker she told us about.”

“ How do you know about the bunker?”

The man’s name was Thomas. He followed Clarke to another area while the rest of the men stayed with the ship.

“Start from the beginning.”

“Ok, but I gotta tell ya, I’m not even too sure myself of what’s happening. I’m just a prisoner, trying make sense of all this.”

He gestured to everything around him.

“You see, I never really could hold my drink. It got me in trouble, well, I got me in trouble. Ended up hurting someone, more than I meant to. You could get a big ol’ reduction on your sentence if you agreed to do some, labour, they called it. Never mentioned much about radiation and injections and being put to sleep. Next thing we know we all wake up, look around the ship, there’s no one. No crew, no guards, just us prisoners all waking up. That’s when we hear someone trying to communicate with us, honest at first I thought it was the voice of God! Turns out she’s on a space station. Says her name’s Raven.”

At this, Clarke could not hold back her tears. It felt as if she had been holding her breath for years, as she finally let go. “Raven? She’s, alive, you spoke to her?”

“ She’s the one woke us up.” Clarke had too many questions, but all she could think to ask,

“did you talk to anyone else?”

“Yeah, there was a Monty too. Smart guy, couldn’t follow a lot of the tech talk but, I tried.” Clarke laughed, yeah, that sounded like Monty. “ Anyone else?”

“ Just those two, really. I’m guessing from your face that’s not the answer you wanted. I wish I could give you more, I’m sorry, it’s been a, well, a damn mess of a time.”

“I understand. So, are they coming down too, why aren’t they with you?”

“ That was the tricky part I’m afraid. See she explained she found us drifting, and that’s when we realised, well, we’d been asleep for gone a hundred years.” He shook his head, “ everyone we knew, our friends, family, all long gone.”

“I’m so sorry, that must have been a shock.”

“To say the least. Don’t think I even really believe it still, you know?” Clarke wasn’t sure how to respond. Ever since they’d been sent to earth it had felt like one shock after another, but to wake to find everything you’d ever known was gone, even with everything she had been through, that would have been unimaginable. Thomas took a deep breath and sat on a rock nearby.

“I’m sorry to press you Thomas, but I need to know about my friends.”

“Course you do. I’ll try n keep it short. Raven said they had been looking for a way to get back to earth, tryin to make fuel or something, but was havin trouble. Thought maybe they could use our ship, had no idea we were still in stasis. Anyways, she directed us to where they were, we were gonna take them on board, but there was a problem. Our airlock was completely ballsed up or something, no way to open her up in space without killing us all.” Clarke felt sick. So they were stuck, if they couldn’t make fuel, that’s it.

“ So that’s it, they’re stuck?”

“ I sure hope not. We had a few escape pods on our ship. She told us how to detach them, direct them toward their airlock. They all still had fuel in them. Not real sure what she’s planning,but they might still have a chance.”

Finally, for the first time in a long time, Clarke’s hope felt real. This was Raven, she could do it.

Clarke had tried every thing she could think of, but she just couldn’t make it work. She threw the tools across the room with as much force as she could muster, narrowly missing Andrew.

“ Clarke, I told you, Raven said most likely once we landed we wouldn’t be able to communicate with the ark anymore.”

She knew this, of course she did, but what else could she do? She had been trying to communicate with them for 6 years. It was her way of staying sane, she couldn’t just stop now, she had to keep trying.

“ Anyway, they’ll be here soon. I’m sure of it!” Andrew was one of the most optimistic people she had ever met, it was impossible to stay mad around him. He was just 18 when he had been put into stasis, although he seemed younger still, and was so skinny he really brought out Clarkes maternal side. Madi had also taken a real shine to him, though as Clarke kept reminding her she was much too young and he was a criminal! Clarke had begun to spend more time with the prisoners over the past few weeks, but still kept herself and Madi at a distance. She had tried to get an idea of the various crimes these men had committed, but as she had no way of knowing the truth, she just had to trust what they told her. Although, in Andrews case, she really felt like he had just been in the wrong place at the wrong time. Well, she hoped. Three weeks had passed and still no sign of them, and the prisoners wanted to focus on getting to the bunker. With their mining equipment, they should finally be able to dig the others free, but it was taking time to get the equipment back to working order, as it had been dormant for over 100 years. Clarke knew this should be her focus too, she was desperate to see her mother, but she couldn’t take her mind off of them, up there, alive. She knew that the bunker had only had enough oxygen for 5 years, knew that difficult decisions would have been made, her head should be underground, but her heart was in the stars. She thought of what she would say to him, she thought of the last time he held her. As she picked up the tools scattered around her and calmed herself once more, she heard distant excited shouts.

She stood slowly, as Madi came bounding in. She didn’t even speak, just gave Clarke the biggest smile and reached out her hand. Clarke took it and followed Madi outside, legs shaking with each step. She watched as the rocket she had waited for crash landed into the ocean.

“Well, let’s go get yer friends.” Thomas walked out in front of Clarke and towards the sea.

With every step closer to the crash site Clarke got faster and faster, until she was running so fast that Madi could no longer keep up. She stopped when she realised she had been dragging the poor girl. “Clarke, it’s ok” Madi let go of her hand, “you go, I’ll follow” Clarke nodded, and started running again, no longer feeling the ground beneath her, no longer feeling her own breathing, just running. She ran until she was waist deep in the water. The hatch of the shuttle was just beginning to open, and someone climbed out. They reached back into the shuttle to pull someone else out. One by one they all emerged from the rocket. Clarke stood and watched, silently. She meant to shout, to move, but she was frozen. She watched them help each other down and splash into the water, she watched them help each other swim towards the shore the opposite side of the bay from her, still unaware of her presence.

Finally, they began to remove their helmets. First she saw Murphys face, same smug grin as ever, as he helped Emori off with her helmet. They still looked as in love as she remembered. They all now faced away from her, looking toward the trees. Then she saw him. He ran his hand through his unruly curls and dropped his helmet on the ground. The group all spoke amongst themselves, but he separated himself and walked around a little. Then, finally, he turned to look back across the water. He stopped dead. For what felt like forever, they stared at each other. They were still a fair distance apart. He began to move back towards the water. Clarkes feet finally began to work. She moved deeper into the ocean until she could no longer stand. She tried to swim as best she could, but had never really done it before. She kicked and splashed but got nowhere. Her head dipped below the water. Suddenly, she felt strong arms around her, bringing her back up, carrying her to shore, laying her down on the beach.

“Are you trying to drown yourself, you can’t swim!” she coughed and spluttered and clung to his arms, digging her fingers into his suit. He pushed the hair from her face, then pulled her to him and squeezed her so tightly her ribs hurt, his face buried into her neck.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t, I don’t know, I, just…” she couldn’t finish. She had no answer, her mind had switched off and her body had taken over. He enveloped her entirely, as she wrapped her arms around his back, and cried.

“I left you.”

“you had no other choice!” Clarke finally loosened her grip on him, he pulled back slightly to look at her.

“Are you real?” He asked, as he studied her face. She nodded and laughed. He pulled her in again, this time more gently, and held her. She began to shiver, the water had been cold. “God, Clarke you’re freezing,” he rubbed up and down her arms.

“I don’t care”.

“ Clarke?” It was Raven. Bellamy and Clarke suddenly remembered they weren’t alone. He helped her up, as Raven threw her arms around her, followed by Monty, all the while Bellamy kept his arm around her waist. Finally, the cold began to get to her,

“We should head back to camp, I’m assuming you probably want something to eat that’s not algi?” At this Murphy jumped in, “Clarke, please tell me you have something meat based? Anything. Honest to god I’ll eat rat right now”

“Just, head that way.” Clarke pointed towards the trees, just as Madi, Thomas and a few others appeared. “Raven, you know Thomas”

“It’s good to meet you in the flesh.”

“I knew you’d make it down, never had a doubt”.

Madi greeted Clarke with a hug and eyed up Bellamy.

“He looks just like your drawing.”

“My drawing? Clarke has drawings of me?”

“Yes. I know all about you. You’re Bellamy.” at this Bellamy raised an eyebrow.

“I, mentioned you, a couple of times. Madi is a nightblood, I found her, alone, after praimfaya, I’ve been teaching her. Your name has come up a few times.” Bellamy smirked, that same way he used to when he’d call her princess. “Madi, could you lead the way back to camp?” Madi looked like she wanted to say more, but did as Clarke asked. They started the walk back, Raven and Thomas in deep discussion, Monty and Harper talking with Andrew, Murphy and Emori keeping together, Echo staying close by them. Clarke and Bellamy fell to the back of the group.

“Clarke,” he said her name in that same deep voice that she had longed for, and it almost felt as if the last 6 years hadn’t happened,

“I still can’t believe you’re alive. You saved us, again, and I, just, left you.”

“Bellamy, I meant what I said. You did the right thing. I’m so glad you went, I told you to go, over the radio. If you hadn’t, you’d be dead, and we wouldn’t be here now. Together.” she reached for his hand. As he locked his fingers with hers, he repeated her words,

“Together”.

#the 100 #bellarke #bellarke fanfiction #the 100 season 4 #the 100 fanfiction

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thespace-dragon · 8 years ago

Note

Hi Mogi! Are there any Klance fics that you would recommend? Thanks :)

Oh good golly gosh, here goes my afternoon, because youre about to get a shit ton. xD

If you want to peruse my bookmarks feel free. the link has been filtered down to only klance fics, enjoy your time sifting through 150+ fics ^^; (i have no self control) And then theres any of my stuff here because i need validation and have no shame with self plugs, but ill put the focus on the other fics for right now. ^^

But here are the ones i reallllyyyy recommend outside of the big name fics that literally the whole fandom knows about.:

Make Me Your Home by Reader115

Summary: “Oh my god, Keeeith,” Lance wheezed. “Keith you’re the best drunk space cadet I’ve ever seen.”“Space cadet,” Keith mumbled. He repeated the words again although his eyes had zeroed in on Lance’s hands and Lance offered no resistance when Keith picked one of them up and pulled it possessively towards his lap. He began to gently trace over Lance’s fingers, sending shivers up Lance’s arm and down his spine. “You have looong fingers,” Keith murmured after a few moments.Keith’s face perked up then, as if he’d just had a brilliant idea, and Lance could almost not wait to hear what new obscure thought had entered Keith’s pretty head. He was prepared to laugh, and instead found himself shivering again as Keith leaned far into his personal bubble, lips practically touching Lance’s ear when he spoke next.“I bet you could reach all kinds of things, Lance.”Update: Now with ART by suitboxers!!WC: 38169 (6/6)General Notes: just, omg? this fic has like it all, and it all fits into s2?? yes please?? i could not get enough of this fic and talking with the author, there is a rumor that they might write an epilogue and i like high key died. 10/10

Today, anew by MemeKonVLD

Summary: “Lance.”Lance’s eyebrows furrow in concern for a second before his whole face goes gentle and open.“Hey buddy, everything okay?”Keith nods. Then shakes his head, then opens his mouth to let out a noisy sob before he’s hugging the air out of Lance, grip vise tight.Lance hugs him back. That’s one of the great things about him— he doesn’t— he doesn’t need explanations for things like this. He doesn’t make Keith jump through hoops, the way other people might— he’s just— he just knows what Keith needs in times like this. No façades, no posturing.(Or: the one where Keith is trapped in a time loop. A time loop from hell.)WC: 5910 (6/6 chapters)General Notes: this was interesting to say the least, and one of my latest reads. I really enjoyed, told from Keiths pov and he’s stuck in a time loop. Angsty, but has a happy ending. 8/10

Voltron Cafe by PinkHitman

Summary: Lance is the number one butler at a maid cafe, and his number one customer? Just his old High School rival Keith.WC: 66422 (14/?)General Notes: This is really funny and quirky. Lance is adorable in all his dorky glory. The whole team is there and i cant count the times ive had to stifle laughter reading it because it was 3am and i really needed to sleep but, hey what are you going to do xD theres also a blog @voltron-cafe and the art is just as quirky as the fic and i love it to all get out. 9/10

a truth in the blood by angstinspace

Summary: “I’m Galra, Lance.”It’s the first time he’s said those words out loud––and to Lance of all people. He should feel horrified at himself but somehow, he doesn’t. In fact, an eerie calmness has settled over him. Everything comes sharply into focus as he stands there, still holding Lance’s wrist, breathing in and out, waiting for a response. A post “Blade of Marmora” fix-it fic. Mostly broganes & klance bonding.WC: 7489General Notes: So theres a little bit of angst in this, but it does a really good job of filling in the blanks of what could have happened between ep8 and ep9 of s2. I really liked it, has some Broganes in there and Klance bonding. 8/10

Starlight by epiproctan

Summary: For once, Lance tries to be responsible for something. Namely, his feelings. Needless to say it doesn’t go well.WC: 7719General Notes: Lance pov, honestly this boy tries so hard to keep the team dynamic the same, but it never goes well. goes with the trope that EVERYONE knows about mutual pining klance, but goes a different direction just for the hell of it. i loved it. 9/10

He Who Fights Monsters by magisterpavus

Summary: In a world where monstrous dragons terrorize humanity daily, the Garrison trains valiant Knights to slay the evil beasts and defend Earth. But when Knight cadet Lance Espinosa is kidnapped by a strange red dragon who kills its own kind, certain truths are revealed…and so are the true monsters. WC: 64888 (13/13)General Notes: holy fuck do i love this fic, cuz like, wow. Im a sucker for dragons and i loved the way the author inocrporated them into this fic and made it freaking work. A+++. Lots of action, drama-rama and Lance learns a thing or two about hs feelings along the way. 10/10

Burning Love by TeaAndKittens

Summary: An injury sustained on the job for firefighter Keith means an extended medical leave that makes him feel useless and angry. He’s so desperate to get back to his crew at Station 5 that he’s almost willing to try anything - except yoga. Especially after Hunk calls this friend of his that owns a yoga studio and Keith gets supporting evidence for his claim that only crazy people practice yoga.Somehow, despite all of that, Hunk and Shiro manage to bully him into at least trying it. He shows up for that first class expecting to hate it. What he’s not expecting is for Hunk’s friend to be hot like the fire of a thousand suns. Or even more insane in person.Or: Keith’s life. So Hard.WC: 7017 (2/?)General Notes: Firefighter Keith and yoga instructor lance,,, um yes please! this fic is just getting started but i really love it so far. 8/10

Sharps and Accidentals by Zizzani

Summary: Keith is a talented up and coming violin virtuoso. Lance hates him immediately.Or an AU in which Lance and Keith both attend the same music university. Keith is deaf. Lance is Trying™.WC: 39528 (9/?)General Notes: ok, so i just really love this a lot. im a band nerd so music is like my thing, and this is honestly great. Deaf keith, and lance… poor lance, hes trying ok? Im a couple updates behind, but i really love it a lot. 9/10

bouncing off exit signs by steelthighsvoideyesSummary:

Summary: This is the story of two absolute idiots who keep searching for what they’ve already found. WC: 40147 (yes on chap xD)General Notes: this is like one of those comfort fics for me, i binged it one night, and it was amazing. Based off the song Closer by The Chainsmokers. honeslty, well done. 10/10

Duly Noted by TeaAndKittens

Summary: Keith has a box full of scraps of paper, a lovingly archived collection of all the notes Lance has written him so far in their relationship. Their son has a box just like it, and soon their newly adopted daughter will too.Or: 5 (-ish) notes Lance wrote to Keith, beginning with the one that started it all, and 1 Keith wrote backWC: 4913General Notes: this was so fucking cute that i really couldnt stop smiling the whole way through. lance leaving notes everywhere is just so him. 10/10

The Quiet by MilkTeaMiku

Summary: Does he not realise he’s dead?Keith can see ghosts. As a part of his Garrison training, he’s sent to a hospital to do one year of medical clerkship - it’s there that he meets a charmingly irritating ghost who definitely needs to learn what boundaries are.WC: 38000 (19/?)General Notes: Stop reading this list and fucking read this oh my gawd. It is that good, go on, shoo 10/10

Flirting with Death by drippingpen

Summary: Keith commits the ultimate taboo as a grim reaper: he saves a life.More specifically, he saves Lance’s life.Now they are forever linked, unable to survive without the other. Keith must protect Lance from the forces that are trying to right Keith’s wrong and kill Lance.WC: 29346 (9/?)General Notes: yoooo, my friend is reading this, and she is doing such a great job with it. Grim Reaper Keith and lance is high key supposed to be dead, and its awesome. Pidge is as nosey as ever and Hunk is pure™. give it a read, really. 10/10

Days Like Today by literal_trashbaby

Summary: For all Lance’s snarking and posturing, all that easy, cheery confidence, for all his charm and his pretty, pretty smiles (which absolutely did not make Keith a little weak in the knees, no sir). Just every now and then, Keith thought his smile would go just a tiny bit tight around the edges, and he’d go just a little quiet… well, quiet for Lance. And on the days when Lance was just that little bit… Not-Lance, like a force of nature he would, without fail, pull one side of his lower lip into his mouth and just chew on it, destroying those poor, perfect lips. Days like today.OR: Lance is Having a Day and Keith is somehow the only person to notice.WC: 3159General Notes: I love it when people write Keith picking up on Lance’s tendencies, its so freaking cute and my heart cannot handle. 9/10

so why don’t we fall by akinghtley

Summary: Five times Lance used a pet name for Keith, and one time Keith used one for Lance.Keith has no basis for having a relationship with someone, so he’s trying to follow Lance’s lead.WC: 8218General Notes: NSFW saying that now. but i love pet names, and this was all so cute. Touch of angst, but it makes up for it with fluff. I love it. 9/10

I think tht does it for fic recs rn, i could literally go through all of my bookmarks and list every one of them, but lets face it that would take forever.

Hope you enjoy all that fics!

#klance #voltron #fic recs #first time ive done one of these #i tried to touch a little bit of everything #but like #theres a lot of angst in my ao3 #like whoops #hahah #lxncekogane #dragon answers

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love-transparentstudentarca-blog · 7 years ago

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What is the cheapest health insurance for low income people?

"What is the cheapest health insurance for low income people?

my kids father had a stroke two days ago and i am trying to help him find health insurance. he is having a hard time getting any insurance because he is unemployed and receives unemployment payments but they won't see him at the clinic because he has too many assets. He owns a trailer and has two cars. If any one can help i really would appreciate it. He also has high blood pressure, high colesterol, and diabetes. He had a stroke because he couldn't afford to buy his medications for his high blood pressure and colesterol.please help . i dont want anything bad to happen to him.

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://financeandcreditsolutions.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr

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Are there any auto insurance companies which offer rates to their younger customers at anywhere between $100-$250 a month? I've been looking around and every insurance company I check with wants to charge me $500-$900 a month, which is ridiculously out of my budget. It would end up costing more in a year than I plan on spending on my car in total and more a month than my family is paying off on our few year old Kia Soul. I'm aware that having a newer car like a Soul raises my insurance prices, but I don't want to buy another, hopefully crappier, car until I'm sure that I can pay insurance to drive it. Does anyone have any ideas or suggestions?""

Car insurance for total loss?

I got a car accident due to bad weather and got a total loss. No one is involved in the accident. I`ve got a full coverage insurance at that time. The insurance company is cancelled a contract with me after a claim (accident) I issued, which I found it through insurance agency. The insurance company said that they did not know the previous accident record on my driver license. Then they cancelled the contract. Can I possibly claim a complain with my insurance company? I terribly need any car since I use a car for my job. The insurance company said they will not give me any money either a car. What should I do? Thank you""

How much do you think my insurance will go up?

I got a ticket about a month ago for exhibition of speed and i have court soon but i need to know how much my insurance will go up after our next policy. it wasnt a serious ticket it was just me and my buddy racing from one stop light to the next one. we didnt even go over the limit. i might even get off with nothing because its my first ticket i dunno. but ya, i have alstate and its insured under my parents name and we have our cars, 4 wheelers, snowmobiles, cabin, house, life, and pretty much everything with allstate. its about 600 every 6 months currently for my car. about how much do you think it will go up? thank you.""

I got car insurance and it allows me to drive other peoples cars on my insurance?

if i were to buy another car, 2nd car will i be able to drive that without registering to any insruance company? i wont be selling my 1st car, it will still have the insruance, and the insruance it has allows me to drive other cars, but im not sure if the other cars also need insurance from a company""

About how much more would insurance be on this car?

i want to get a chrysler sebring convertible. i tried calculating insurance but it didnt ask if it was a convertible or not. Im just trying to see how much more the insurance would be since its a convertible.SO! how much more would insurance be on a 99 sebring coupe than a 99 sebring convertible. it would have 46000 miles.

How much will my insurance go up for my traffic violations?

Over the summer I got a ticket for passed inspection date. Then in December I got 2 tickets simultaneously. One was a 16miles over the limit and the other for not having my driver's license in my car (but I do have one). How much will my car insurance go up?

Can my brother drive my car without insurance?

My insurance company is with Statefarm. I'm the primary driver with full insurance coverage for the car. My brother just received his license but does not have any car insurance YET. Would it be legal for him to drive my car and if so, would my car be covered by the insurance company if he gets into an accident. I am from Canada, Ontario.""

Travel Car Insurance?

Does anyone know of any websites that can allow insurance on a car for about a week just for travel? I am going to Vegas and using my mom's car but I have to get insurance on it but I only want it for the week. Any ideas ??

Can anyone tell me what finding a cheap car insurance company?

I am a 60 year old female. I live in the rural part of Mississippi (little traffic and no heavy traffic, if it matters) I have two cars that are insured with Geico Insurance company. I am paying $93 dollars per month. One car is a 95 and the others one is (new) a Hyundai 2012. I never drive the 95 Buick. I will be driving the new Hyundai to and from work around 7 miles round trip, each day. My driving record is clean with everything intact and I am the only driver. I was informed by Geico that the 94 dollars is cheaper than other insurance companies. Are there any cheaper insurance out there.""

What is the most ideal auto insurance ratio for a person on a budget?

I am switching insurance now and I know their are some ratio's like 50/100/50 and such. My wife and I are on a real budget. She does not drive now, so would not be part of the quote at this time, but we don't want to get the lowest just to have a horrible accident and pay so much. What is a good ratio or something to find. I am in my upper 20's if that helps.""

What are the local home insurance rates for London?

I am trying to do a project for a public health class and I was wondering what the home insurance rates for someone owning a home in London? It would be awesome if you knew about how much it cost around the Tower Hamlets area. Also, if you do know about what percentage of people have home insurance in London, that would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!""

Has anyone purchased car insurance online?

I want to purchase geico online but would like some input on any experiences with online auto insurance policies?

Different ways to lower insurance cost. could i have my boyfriend insure my car for me?

Please, if you're not 100% sure don't answer,, it's confusing. Anyways, i recently financed a vehicle, 06 Taurus, and the insurance is killing, nearly higher than the car note! ($314 a month). & now that I'm pregnant i need to save $. My boyfriend doesn't have a car or license, but is there any way he could get insurance under his name & then add my car? Or any other work a rounds? Btw, I'm willing to fix his license if that's an issue. I'm 23, He's 29. I live in what's considered to be more dangerous city than he does. Also, he has less moving violations than me. So a policy for him maybe be anywhere from 40-60% cheaper than mines.""

What is with health insurance?

Americans and whatever other country has health insurance. what happens if you don't have health insurance? What is health insurance? Why do you need it? I live in Australia and I don't understand why you need health insurance when we don't.

Does Home Owners Insurance Decrease with Property Value?

As we all know the property values continue to plummet. If my property value has depreciated a significant amount will my Home Owners Insurance be less due to the decreased value? Logically I say yes but I am a new homeowner and am unsure.

Insurance cost?

How much, on average, would insurance cost for a 17 year old?""

Am I still eligible for unemployment insurance if I move out of state?

I currently receive bi-weekly unemployment checks. I live in California, but in a few months, I will be relocating to Texas. Basically I just need to know if I will be receive insurance from another state. Thanks!""

Cheap Car Insurance companies fo 17-20 year olds?

hey im 19 and just passed my driving test, and i can not find vheap enough car insurance, does anyone have any suggestions? thanks""

Does anyone knows if AIG agency auto is the same as granite state insurance company in California?

Help me with a car tax/insurance question please?

I just bought a used car that isn't taxed I am trying to swap my insurance over to the new car but the problem is I heard you can't insure a car without it having car tax but whilst trying to tax it I read on the dvla website will this vehicle have valid insurance by the time the tax begins so what do i do first?

How high would car insurance rates become if a 16 yr old drives a car?

My mom won't let me get my G1 because she says her insurance rates will get too high. I asked her how high and she says she doesn't even know. I live in Ontario.

What is the best car insurance company? out there?

I'm with all state but is there any insurance company better than all state?

I got two no proof of insurance tickets?

I got two and Have court for one on the 26th of Sep and the other on the 29th two different vehicles what will happen also when I got my second ticket I got it for speeding... What can I do I have proof of insurance but it is on a different vehicle is there any way I can say I was on my way to changing my insurance to the car I was driving.. I LIVE IN CALIFORNIA IM 19 years old PLEASE HELP ME IM TURNING 20 on the 28th of August

Insurance (and more) for new driver in Ontario?

So, I'm going to take my written test (G1) tomorrow and I'm looking ahead trying to figure this out. I plan on taking a MTO certified course to be able to take my G1 exit driving test in 8 months. I have a car lined up that will practically be given to me in 8 months. I'm 30 and living on my own. Will I be able to get insurance on a car with only a G2 license? Will I have to pay through the nose for it? Would it be legal and/or cheaper to have my dad buy the car and put it and me on his policy? Would I live to be living in the same household as him? Any other ideas, issues, or options I should be aware of? Thanks a bunch.""

What is the cheapest health insurance for low income people?

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