#ok new thing to try: making a fucking nest and sleeping in it forever

[arsenicflame]

its gonna work... haha right guys? right??

[withoneheadlight]

I’m s o r r y but I made myself sad over this one so naturally I’m here to share the pain

Okay so I was thinking about the alternate timelines//realities thing and what if there’s a universe where Billy dies, and a universe where Steve dies,, and somehow they meet ~maybe in the Upside Down???~ and Steve is like 🥺 b i l l y,,, but Billy can’t deal with it??? Like, “you’re A Steve, but you’re not MY Steve”

| quick heads up!: mentions of death and mourning ahead |

.

Ahhhhhh, Kelly!. Bring the pain, bring the pain, we’ll deal with it together, cry together, blow our noses together! 😢😢

i’ve been having my mind full of that alt timelines/realities idea these last few days, and that’s surely the reason why that’s what I saw in your beautiful 3-sentence fic, both because a post i saw about one of the boys dying (i can’t find it now. please human who posted it, tell me if it was yours!) and bc of this marvel @edith-moonshadow (<3) wrote in one of my posts. and then you sent me this ask and wrote that fantastic piece and-- IT'S ALL BEEN VERY COSMIC AND PLANETARY ALINGTMENLY and i didn’t want to make myself sadder or make you sadder but,

,

I can imagine how it’d go. Both of them trapped on the upside-down. Both of them bleeding out. Sliced down as they are, right through the middle. Half a Billy and half a Steve, the wound still fresh with the part they’re missing and I imagine they could barely stand it, right at the beginning, the mere sight of that other that’s not― That’ just not. What was once love rotting into hate, into feeling trapped, doomed, to live in this cage with the constant reminder of their loss.

And Billy’d miss the way Steve used to roll his eyes at him, and the way Steve used to sigh all dramatic like ‘God, Billy Hargrove, you’re too much for me I swear’ but would then wink and pull him close and steal a kiss, voice falling low to smile a ‘Definitely way more than I deserve’ into his mouth. Would miss the way Steve used to brush his hair to the side, bite at the curve of his neck, and words, they always sounded better when Steve traced them against the shell of his ear ‘Tell me I’m your pretty boy’ he’d say and Billy would tell him, would try to catch his lips but ‘Ah-ah’ and Steve’d shake his head, brush their lips together ‘First babe, you gotta tell me how much I love you’, holding him tight and not letting him go ‘till Billy would get over the way his cheeks were blushing, and tell him. But―

This Steve. This Steve doesn’t love this Billy. Doesn’t love Billy. This Steve gets mad and yells at him when Billy’s been ‘Too fucking much, I swear! You’re too fucking much’ and it hurts, when he puts his hands on his hips and looks exactly like his Steve. And it hurts even worse, when he sets his jaw and looks wrong and like somebody else completely (And it hurts even worseworseworse, when he finally says it, what they both think. When he opens up those pretty lips Billy used to kiss, to love, those pretty lips that used to say ‘I love you’: “Of all the monsters in here, you’re the only one that gives me nightmares”).

This Steve never calls him by his name. This Steve doesn’t look him in the eye. This Steve hates him.

And weeks pass, and months pass, and they repel each other, can't stand each other but ―they can’t, either, even if none of them ever says it, bear the idea of splitting apart. And Steve’s house is not Steve’s house, but it makes do, with its walls re-painted in horrors and damp seeping through the floral wallpaper of the hallway his mama used to be so proud of. And there’s mold growing in the mattress and invisible night-terrors that bite living in the blankets and it gets cold at night. Cold and lonely and hopeless. And Steve doesn't want to and Billy doesn't want to but. They sleep together. Back to back. Touch only where they have to touch. Not to freeze (not to feel. Except they― ). Wake up together (like they used to). Steve's face buried in Billy's curls and the smell, the smell is the same. Exactly, perfectly, dishearteningly. The same. Right there, all along the tenderness at the curve of Billy’s (this. Not his. Thisthisthis. Never his) neck.

And weeks pass, and months pass, and it hurts. Every minute, every second and every tiny, tiny particle of time. Because this Billy is not Billy and Steve―

Steve’s missing a half. Steve’s an open wound and it doesn't matter how much alike they are, how much they feel (exactly, perfectly, dishearteningly) the same under Steve’s touch, because this Billy is another Steve's and he doesn't fit, and he wouldn’t ever heal, against his skin but― his blue eyes are the same and those curls of his look like they’ve forever captured the sun in the same way and his scars are gone but when the creatures hurt him and draw new ones Steve recognizes under his fingertips the familiar shapes of his back, the way Billy bleeds, the way his skin feels warmth against his palms and,

Billy.

Billy recognizes the way Steve touches him, the way he groans a "Be quiet for frikin’ once. And hold still!" but then, lower, softer, a whisper “Shhh. C’mon. Shhh. Just a second, alright? I promise I’ll be careful” and Billy does and bites down his tongue and the pain and the tears as Steve stitches the wound and Billy wants to ask him to sew his whole body, too, all along that wide wide line where it used to fit that half he’s missing, but what he says is "Would you kiss me once? Just once? So I can feel like I still have him?".

And it's the same. And it's different. And it's not Steve. But it is. Steve. And they kiss and Steve’s crying, because is thesamethesamethesame, the way Billy’s lashes are falling and Billy wants to say ‘I love you’, but he doesn't, and it becomes a lump in his throat as they kiss and kiss and kiss for hours, on that bed they’ve been sharing, that bed they’ve only been touching for survival, and when they're done, Billy wants to ask Steve to sew his lips together too. So he can’t ask him again. So he can not want to but― the nights are cold and lonely and hopeless. So they touch. And they kiss. And weeks pass. And they touch and they kiss and they fuck. And months pass. And they kiss and touch and fuck and fight. And they need each other. Want each other. Hate each other. Hate themselves. And then Steve says "I'll never love you. I'll never love you like I loved him" and Billy says "Neither I will”. And they’re both are bleeding. Been bleeding for so long. Bleeding out. And they won’t heal, a Billy-less and a Steve-less, as they are. So it spreads. The rot. And it's even worse like this, hating what there’s left of themselves. Because they don’t fit but it feels like they do, when they touch and they kiss and they fuck. When they fight.

(When it feels like love but― isn’t).

(Can’t be)

And weeks pass and months pass and neither of them says it (‘Wanna touch you again, kiss you again, fuck you again’), even though they're both thinking it and it’s been almost two and a half years. Five hundred days. Five hundred nights. Of hiding from each other, of finding each other in this endless night, when the dormant creatures start to crawl out of their nests, when the darkness is filled again with growls and howls and screeches. With danger. Vines coming back to life after their hundred years of sleep and then something’s coming something’s coming something’s coming and,

“Take all you can”

“Get the bat!”

“Run, Billy run!”

“Block the door! Block the door!”

“The head! Steve! Slam ‘m on the head!”

“Come on, come on, come on! Let’s get the shit outta here”

and then,

“The gate. Somebody must be opening the gate”

They find it.

Seven feet. That’s how far it is. That's how close they are from making it. And must be some kind of cosmic joke, so Billy laughs at it. Gives that one to the universe. Chokes on his own blood.

Steve’s blurred, less and less clear every time he blinks. Still the most beautiful thing Billy’s ever seen.

“C’mon, pretty boy” he says. Squeezes Steve's hand tighter. Just one second. It’s the end of the end of the world and Billy feels like he’s spent a whole lifetime like this. Stealing Steve Harrington in seconds. So he can steal one more. That’s always been the deal. Just a little more, a little more, since the moment he saw him “You know you hafta go”

Salt. Tears. That detail, Billy always forgets: they taste exactly like the ocean.

“Nah. I’m thinking that― they won't split us apart. Not this time”

Tears. Salt. The ocean on Steve’s lips. Taste like coming back. Coming Back home. But,

“It’s ok, pretty boy. I’m not him”

Steve shrugs. Smiles. Dots on the curve of his cheek. Eyes like the first day of fall. It’s in the curve of his lips, where Billy’s history has always been rewritten.

“But there was a me, that loved you. And there was a you, that loved me. And I guess it’s just impossible. Not to do it again so―” and words, they always sound better when Steve traces them against the shell of his ear, says,

“Can you kiss me? So I can know how it is to have you?”

And it’s the end of the end of the world.

(But,

Time Swirls. Space wraps around itself. Reality flickers. So maybe― maybe it really is. The end. But. Maybe,

There's a house. Steve’s house. And is not the same. But it’s not different, either. And there’s daylight pouring down the hallways, burning bright against that soft-gold wallpaper his mama’s always been so proud of. And the mattress is soft and warm and feels familiar. And the blankets smell like softener and old memories. Like new memories. Like us. Us.

“Tell me how much you love me”

Steve brushes Billy’s hair to the side, runs his lips all along the curve of his neck, leaves a kiss behind his ear. And it’s the same, but it’s different and Billy know it’s always, always gonna hurt. Because they’re still a Billy-less and a Steve-less but. They’re always gonna be a Billy one Steve loved, a Steve one Billy loved. They’re this Billy and this Steve.

But there’s this one thing, that’s always gonna be the same. This one thing neither of them would ever do in halves.

“I love you with all my heart,” he says, and draws Steve closer, closer, ‘till there’s barely any space left between them.

And they allow themselves to feel, where their wounds touch.

Allow themselves to love.)

[kickingitwithkirk]

I’m Not Clean

Paring: Alpha!Sam Winchester x Omega!Reader

Word Count: 1948

Warnings: A/B/O, angst, verbal fighting, cursing, cheating, oral sex, p/v sex

A/N: for @jawritter​​​​ #jensmakemecrychallange

A/N II: Set between mid season six-starts after Death puts Sam’s soul back-ending before the last Trial in season eight. Told from Sam’s POV alternating between present and past memories/ events. Some altering of events to fit story line. Prompt in Bold.

*no beta, all mistakes are mine.

~~I’m Not Clean I’m Not Clean I’m Not Clean~~ 

I chant this mantra over and over to myself. 

I was drunk before leaving, roaring out of the garage in Baby, leaving the stench of burning rubber and exhaust in my wake.

We’ve had some hell raising fights over the years. This one tonight the vilest we have ever had, saying the most unforgiving things to each other because you broke our agreement.

What we said...our knowledge of each other’s weakest points to abuse, verbally cutting into each other in the deepest manner, inflicting as much carnage as possible. 

The only other person in the universe who knows how to hit me that hard is my brother. Man, how we’ve done that dance too, over and over yet somehow always finding our way back to each other.

My brother tried to intervene, to stop us from saying the things we can never take back or forgive. It felt as if he was taking your side, I went after him as well. 

I feel the need to punish myself for all the pain I have caused. I am always creating pain, torching those I love. 

I found her at the dive bar, a few days out from her heat.

She is my punishment.

We go to a nearby dump. I close the door and she's already on her knees, my jeans zippers down, pulling me out and starts licking up the underside of my cock, making gagging noises trying to deepthroat me. My head thunks against the door and all I can think is that she’s not you.

~~I’m Not Clean I’m Not Clean I’m Not Clean~~

I remember like it was yesterday. We ended up at Bobby’s after cleaning out a vamp nest two states over. 

Grabbing our duffels we didn’t rock, paper, scissors over who got the spare bed, my brother just face plants on the couch, unconscious before I’m even at the foot of the staircase.

I wearily make my way upstairs not bothering to shower in spite of how bad I smell, too exhausted to care. I toed off my boots and socks, throwing my blood encrusted shirt and jeans in the corner, collapsing face down on the bed, landing on top of something under the covers.

Why am I staring at the ceiling?

My brother barrel's in, woken by the sound of my body hitting the floor, stopping in the doorway with his gun drawn looking for what attacked me...this confused look crossed his face as the scent of fear flooded the room.

I sit up gazing over the bed as you huddle in the corner looking scared to death. My brother puts his gun back in his waistband, hands up with his on display to show he’s no threat. 

I slowly got to my feet and came around the bed towards you. You shrink even further in the corner, pulling into yourself as tight as you can, hiding behind your arms and drawn up knees.

I stop and sit down trying to not appear threatening and speak softly to you.

“I’m sorry I scared you, we’re friends of Bobby’s. He didn’t tell us you were here. We’re not going to hurt you.”

You're so still, all I can see is your beautiful eyes moving between us, the only movement you are able to do. 

My brother gives a small smile before going back downstairs to the couch, giving you space to calm down. I stay on the floor, my back propped against the bed talking. 

It’s a one sided conversation but that’s ok. 

Bobby’s back just after daybreak found us still in the same positions on the floor asleep. 

“Balls!” 

You spring from the corner and bury yourself in his arms. Seeing that Bobby has you I grab my stuff and head for a shower. My brothers just came out from taking his. I strip and climb in turning on the water. 

Fucker used all the hot water.

~~I’m Not Clean I’m Not Clean I’m Not Clean~~

I don’t want to be touching her now, or her touching me, my self loathing rising like the bile in my throat but my body has a mind of its own tonight as my brain turns off given into my Alpha.

I grab her hair, yanking her off my dick with an audible pop, saliva and precome running down her chin, adding another stain to the discolored rug. I pull her up, tossing her onto the bed before dragging her back to the edge, the barely there skirt rides up out of the way as I lave my tongue up her uncovered thighs, swirling it through her dripping folds. Roughly inserting several fingers into her tight cunt I start sucking on her clit as she grabs my hair soaking my face with her slick as she cums.

~~I’m Not Clean I’m Not Clean I’m Not Clean~~

The smell of coffee calls to my still fuzzy brain as I staggered downstairs to the kitchen. My brother and Bobby are at the table talking. As I pour a cup you walk in from the porch. 

I turn towards you, finally able to scent you without the terror that clouded the room last night. 

Are you a classic beauty? No, but you beguile me. 

I’m enamored with your beautiful eyes, recalling the way they never left mine last night. You’re taller than I expected, curvaceous, not delicate like others I have been with.

As you hold my gaze I remember the verbal platitudes, reading the drivel, even watched some of the bathetic romance movies but they could never fully articulate this feeling. It de-queues through me, permeates my soul.

My brother relentlessly teases that I am having a chick-flick moment.

~~I’m Not Clean I’m Not Clean I’m Not Clean~~

She wobbly moves onto her hands and knees, I climb on the bed behind her and ram my engorged cock into her sodden cunt as far as she can take me mindlessly pounding. I wrap my hand around her throat, squeezing enough to stop the incoherent noises escaping from her mouth that grate against me. 

~~I’m Not Clean I’m Not Clean I’m Not Clean~~

We ended up staying at Bobby’s for a couple of weeks, it was quiet and I wasn’t in any hurry to leave you.

Bobby explained to us how you ended up here over a bottle of whiskey late one night.

Jo found you bruised and bleeding, huddled in the door jam out back of Harvelle's Roadhouse. You had been injured by your pack for defying them. Ellen of course took you in. 

The pack came looking for you, trailing your scent to the bar. Ellen’s shotgun and don’t fuck with me attitude convinced them you had left but she knew it wasn’t safe for you to stay, your pack would be watching. 

Smuggling you out of the bar proved harder than anyone thought. There were multiple hand offs among hunters traveling along the way, finally delivering you to Bobby Singer's home days later.

For the first time in your life, you were safe.

We took our time getting to know each other, I had to work harder than I ever have with anyone before to gain your trust.

After my brother and I caught a case, I would call you every day and matter the time, you answered. We would talk for hours, share what we had been doing that day, finding our mutual interests in a variety of subjects coming to light. 

My brother would yell for me to get off the damn phone, I was keeping him awake, even though I’m sitting outside the motel room.

Then things got out of control.

Castiel broke the wall and died. Leviathans were anyone and everywhere, finally imitating us.

We became America’s Most Wanted. Bobby sent us to a man named Frank who owned him a big favor and made us disappear. 

We found Bobby’s burned down house and almost got killed ourselves.

Then Bobby showed up at the hospital to break us out, informing me you were safe, hidden at a long forgotten hunters cabin.

We managed to stay in contact, I needed that, to know you were staying safe before being able to sleep at night.

The first fight happened in the hospital, blaming us for losing Bobby. 

Then Dick and Purgatory.

And a lost year.

~~I’m Not Clean I’m Not Clean I’m Not Clean~~

I pulled out of her relieved my knot had finally deflated enough to release me. Collapsing onto my back I fling my arm over my eyes disgusted with myself as she’s curling into my side literally purring.

I’ve repeatedly used her...in this bed of sin I created...I’ve lost control...not the first time.

~~I’m Not Clean I’m Not Clean I’m Not Clean~~

It’s never quiet for long in our lives. Castiel mysteriously returns and Kevin Tran sort of deciphers the demon tablet, how through three trials we can close the Gates of Hell and seal away so much evil if we survive the First Trial- kill a Hell hound. 

While on another case we met our grandfather Henry Winchester of The Men of Letters and inherit the key to the Bunker. We have a home of sorts and I finally have a safe place for you, for us to be together. A few months after moving in, before the Second Trial-rescuing a innocent from Hell, and your heat, I made a decision that saddened both of us but with our lives was necessary and allowed me finally to make you mine forever.

Right before finding out about the Third Trial I found the test hidden in a drawer and my diminishing mind bounces between being petrified and elated. I sat there downing a bottle of whiskey from my brother's copious stash waiting for your return and upon seeing you all the alcohol in my degenerating body gave me permission to release my pent up fury and paranoia, ending in that cheap room with her.

~~I’m Not Clean I’m Not Clean I’m Not Clean~~

I made my way back to the Bunker to find my brother sitting in the War Room waiting on me. He wrinkled his nose at the stench of her all over me but said nothing as I handed over the car keys pocketing them. His eyes shifted to a chair and I apprehensively sat down awaiting the bombardment he would unleash. He remains quiet as he turns the open laptop towards me. I blink a few times to focus on the screen, reading the online article from a national news agency about the contraceptive failure. I’m in disbelief when he slides your phone in front of me and plays the voicemail from your doctor.

I get up swaying from a nonexistent breeze slowly walking the halls till I’m standing outside our bedroom door. I can scent your sadness from outside the closed door causing me to freeze holding the knob, unable to summon up the courage to turn it when it disappears from my hand finding you instead. You move allowing me to enter, shutting the door as I sit on the edge of the bed before crossing over, moving to stand directly in front of me. I don’t know how you can do that with the smell of every wrong I’ve done clinging to my skin polluting us. 

I feel your hands cradling my face softly telling me Grown men don't cry as your fingers track the tears coursing uninhibitedly down my cheeks.

I completely collapse wrapping my arms around your waist resting my forehead against the special place where our pup is, undeserving of your love that’s purifying me in ways the trials never will.

tagging: SPN @donnaintx​​​​

Sam/Jared @idreamofplaid​​​​

[valkyrieofsmut]

How do the boys take the ‘I think I’m pregnant’ scare? And how do they react and feel if it’s true versus just that-a scare.

[How would the bois treat their pregnant significant other?]

This is the behemoth I mentioned before! It’s so big that I kept having issues trying to save it while I was working on mobile. Included is first reaction, if it’s a scare, if it’s not a scare, through the pregnancy, and as a bonus, during labor (you can thank my hubby for that one)!

Classic- He's freaking out. that's- that's not how babies work- that's not how- He's hyperventilating. He's going to pass out... When he gets ahold of himself and realizes that he doesn't know about how having kids between monsters and humans works... It... might be possible...

If it's a scare- he's pretty relieved. Not because he didn't want kids- it's just that it was so sudden! He didn't even think it was possible! You can bet he's doing more research into this so they can take precautions. Next time, if there's a question about pregnancy, it'll be when they're ready.

Not a scare- he- he'll be ok- really he will- just... in a minute... After he gets over the shock, he takes another moment to himself before he goes to his S/o and a bit awkwardly apologizes for the freak out. He asks how she's doing and what she wants to do.

Through pregnancy- He tries to make sure that his S/o is comfortable, that she has everything that she needs, and at the beginning, he is super frazzled. He’s keeping it together- but just barely! Look just a little closely and you’ll see that he’s about to start falling apart at the seams. His brother helps the best he can, but the best part of it, as far as he’s concerned is when they’re in bed, arms wrapped around each other, nothing to worry about but letting the peacefulness wash over them and sleep. When he finally relaxes back into the fact that they’re going to have a baby, he manages to be much more chill. Even the worst day at work doesn’t stand a chance to keep him upset when he gets home and his S/o is there, waiting for him, her round belly ready to be stroked as he grins goofily at it, their little soulling starting to make movements inside... This really is the life.

During labor- Oh- oh stars- he has to do something! What?! What is he supposed to do?! He has to get her to the hospital- has to- now! How does he- Oh- duh! Wait- can he take her through a shortcut while she’s in labor?! Is it safe?! She ends up leading the boys both to Creampuff’s car, and Creampuff drives them, showing off his driving skills and how quickly he can get them there, while Classic is in the back yelling for him to slow down, observe the speed limit- for the love of everything nice and happy, please show him mercy!

Creampuff- Uh... He understands that people often see him as child like, but he does know how babies are made... And he didn't do anything physical, or take his soul out...

If it's a scare or not- Not likely to happen with him; it would have to be on purpose.

Through pregnancy- Since this was planned, he is very prepared! It’s adorable just how ready he thinks he is, and how all of his plans fail. “YOU MEAN... WE WON’T EVEN NEED THIS FOR THE FIRST TWO YEARS...?” But his big watery sockets make his S/o pull him close, comforting him, and he’s happy again- as long as he has them, everything is all right. He mother hens his S/o quite a bit, only letting her do things that are “safe for the baby”, as dictated by “authorities” on websites. And he takes it upon himself to premake her meals for when he’s gone, so that he can make sure she’s getting everything she needs, also banning his brother from taking her to Grillby’s... but, when the cravings hit, he caves ridiculously easily to her. But, his S/o's life isn’t all laying around and premade heath snacks! He makes sure that she does her baby yoga and prenatal exercises, too. Have to stay healthy for the baby!

During labor- He’s running around trying to find the go bag and everything the websites said they need- he knows it was here just the other day...! His S/o is either going to have to get him to calm down (a tall order) or call for an ambulance to get them to the hospital.

Red- Uh- uh- wait- but- how...?! He- he- ...he feels like he should be panicking more... Outwardly, he's tense, snapping at everyone else, keeping everyone away from his S/o, sweating and watching her a lot... Inside? He's nervous; it's her decision what happens... He knows he's got the whole dad thing down; how awesome his brother turned out shows that! But... He's not worthy of his S/o, and those are his genetics... How does his S/o feel about that? What if this is the thing that makes her figure out that she deserves better?! He won't say anything, though, his S/o will have to ask him what's going on with all the almost touches and switching from holding her close to distancing himself.

If it's a scare- He's a bit... disappointed... he'd just started thinking that his S/o would accept, and maybe even like, the forever of being bound to him with a child...

Not a scare- He's still a bit tense, waiting for the other shoe to drop; he knows that humans don't always want to have kids, and they can do something about it... When his S/o tells him that, of course they want to keep the baby, he's so relieved- it feels like the suitcase of anxiety he'd been lugging around all this time has disappeared.

Through pregnancy- Red is the ultimate provider and protector. He makes a nest the softest his S/o has ever felt, he puts all sorts of barriers and traps and gizmos all over the place! His S/o has never felt safer- as long as she doesn’t try to go outside alone... There’s nothing that she wants for more than a few moments- usually. Even on the days he’s knock down, drag out tired, he sees her cravings and pregnant moods as his little hellion influencing her, and... he wants to feed and spoil them more... It’s rare that he’s ever actually pissy with her, but when he is, he leaves to get what she wants, bitches and gripes the whole way there and back, and feels better by the time he gets back- and makes her bribe him with affection. He’s rigged it so that anyone who tries to get in that doesn’t have an approved magical signature... well, they won’t be getting in. ... possibly anywhere- ever. He may have held back in the Underground, hating what his world had become, but this is his mate and his child. He’s not holding back. He doesn’t know anything about gardening, but he can rig a setup so that a plot of garden can be perfectly watered at all times, and his brother takes care of the rest, so they’ll never run out of resources. He has threatened to maul others if they look like they’ve got aggressive plans for his S/o, but he waits until she’s gone; he doesn’t want to upset her. Somehow, while he’s done all of this, he always seems to be there when it’s nap time, or when it’s being lazy around the house time, cuddling, nuzzling, and letting it be known how happy he is. Edge gives him shit for purring so much, but he’s actually very proud of how active and motivated he is. Red does get anxious whenever she wants to leave the perfectly protected den he’s made her, though...

During labor- He freezes. What the hell- what is happening?! It’s such strange behavior that it takes him a few moments to figure out what was going on. When he does, He has his brother get his car, getting his S/o in the back and being on hyper alert for danger- that is, if he doesn’t manage to convince her of a home birth. it’s jus’ so much safer! in here- where no one he doesn’t want to get in can get in! Edge guards the door while Red glares at the midwife and birthing team to make sure nothing hinky is going on.

Edge- That... can't happen... He knows how baby bones are made! Oh- but his S/o is a human... Maybe that is how it works for his S/o...? The whole time he's not outwardly reacting, standing stiff, looking like he's waiting for orders or something. His S/o will have trouble telling for certain if he's angry, or it's just his normal emotionless mask.

If it's a scare- He's relieved! That was something he didn't think could happen, and too many questions leading to too much information were piling up in his mind at one time. He's also a bit... let down. While it was too much info and overwhelming to try to think about it all in that one moment, it could have been nice...

Not a scare- He leaves. Not to abandon his S/o! He tells Red to stay there and that he needs to run an errand- the errand is trying to wrap his skull around his new reality. He just needs a bit to process this! It's so many things he thought were impossible all happening at once! Once he gets his skull together, he comes back and immediately holds his S/o close against him. He knows that the two of them are smart enough to get through this, and despite all the shit he gives his brother, Red is also very smart, and he knows he'd do anything for him.

Through pregnancy- He’s hot and cold more than usual. He- has- some... feelings for her that... may be love like... And he’s going to keep both his S/o and their child safe. No matter if he has to intimidate everyone from here to the moon! He’s not used to being able to show emotions other than anger and toughness... Good thing his S/o is so fiery! He regularly engages in verbal battles with her to help her get rid of some of her stress and irritation from all the things that are going on with her body. It does backfire a bit, though, sometimes... When they’re both making their points and she’s yelling at him, her rage twisting her features- uh... well... He can’t stop thinking of taking her right there, or putting her to her knees and twisting his phalanges in her hair and feeling her throat around him- He... he’s never been so sexually driven before... and it’s not like it’s going to change soon; neither of them can help it- Pregnancy looks so fucking sexy on her... it makes her seem like a goddess of fertility and war. His soul beats for her with every breath.

During labor- Once he gets his S/o to the hospital and set, his internal mini panic ends. Now he's yelling at her, reminding her about the proper breathing technique and working her through the contractions. The staff feels like maybe they should worry about abuse, but then... His S/o is ruling the room- she's glowing, ordering everyone around, looking like she's about ready to punch anyone who gets too close, shouting and demanding the nurses give her the DAMN DRUGS! He's so in love, so- turned on... Is it wrong that he's thinking about putting another one in her right that moment...?

Blue- He's silent. The words "I think I'm pregnant" echo around in his skull, which looks devoid of emotion. Is his S/o teasing him because she thinks he doesn't know how babies are made? But... she doesn't look like she's joking... A sudden look of shock hits his face as he realizes that- he was with her during his heat! Oh! Oh... Well... That could explain it! He smiles and pulls his S/o close, nuzzling against her and scenting the heck out of her.

If it's a scare- Oh... Well! Maybe there is a chance that can happen, but... not yet! This will give them time to figure out how it can happen and what to do about it so they can decide on a better time when they’re more ready for this!

Not a scare- His S/o is going to have his baby... He’s the proudest skeleton around! He walks around with his skull held high, chest puffed out, huge grin, and nothing short of a strut. All of his coworkers wonder what’s going on with him, but they don’t have to for long, because he’s so happy he’s not even trying to keep it a secret.  

Through pregnancy- You know those over the top cutesy couples where one insists on getting the one carrying the baby anything they want? That’s Blue. His S/o is going to have to be careful, because he will over indulge her cravings and with anything it even looks like she’s interested in. His S/o will protest that he’s doting on her too much, but he’s convinced that he’s the happiest damn man ever in existence, and she’s giving him this, so she deserves to have anything that he can give her- and he can give her a lot. They now have the nicest and best feeling nest that’s probably ever existed. She has more of anything than she could ever hope to use or need, but he’s always happy to give her more and make sure she’s taken care of in every way possible. There is no doubt in anyone’s mind who the father of the baby is when they walk around; he’s so full of pride that he’d dislocate a rib if his chest puffed out any more, and his skull barely has room on it for how big his grin is.

During labor- He's running around, yelling for his brother and trying to find the go bag and everything they had ready- he swears it was right there just that morning! Until Stretch wanders over, twirling the keys on a phalange, ushering the two of them to the car. When Blue sees the stuff in the back seat, he remembers that he'd moved it there to be even more ready... He'll be happy when this part is over and he can just hold his S/o and child safely in his arms! He's not a fan of them being in pain, so he's going to be asking the staff to have every kind of pain meds on hand, just in case...

Stretch- Stretch.exe has crashed and needs to be reboot to make any changes. He- didn't just hear what he thought he did... did he? See, there's no way that- except, unless there was... He slowly regains feeling in his extremities, and stares at the empty space in front of his sockets a bit longer before fully coming to. that's... *he can't decide whether he's supposed to be happy or horrified, his S/o's expression isn't telling him* wow... that's something, huh? science. *shakes skull in amazement*

If it's a scare- He needs to be more careful. Maybe someday, in the future, he'll want kids- but right now- he messes around too much; he's not serious enough to take this on. He spent so long raising Blue, his whole childhood and teen years, really, he wants some time to just have fun. He doesn't want to ruin life for everyone involved by getting in that situation and blaming them.

Not a scare- Oh shit- oh shit! Oh, god of motherfuck! He's zoned out staring off at nothing. Panicking internally. After trying to get his attention for long enough, his S/o just slaps him, yelling at him in frustration and leaves. The slap brought him back to the real world, but it's Blue yelling at him that makes him realize just how bad that had been. "HOW CAN YOU JUST STAND THERE LIKE A SAND SCULPTURE?! THEY'RE AFRAID, TOO! IF YOU WEREN'T SO BUSY THINKING OF ONLY YOURSELF, YOU WOULD HAVE SEEN THAT! AT LEAST YOU HAVE SOME EXPERIENCE RAISING A BABY BONES! THEY HAVE NONE! THEY NEED YOU NOW MORE THAN EVER! ... AND IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR LAZY COXXYS AFTER THEM RIGHT NOW, I'LL INFORM MUFFET OF WHAT HAPPENED, AND CELEBRATE WHEN YOU'RE BANNED!"

Through pregnancy- It’s... it’s not as bad as he made it out to be in his mind. He’d felt like someone had been about to hand them a baby any second, and then their lives would have been over. Instead they had nine and a half months to figure their shit out and get ready for what was coming. With many times set aside to talk everything out, and Blue there to mediate (make sure that Stretch was actually saying what he thought and wanted instead of trying to please by going with the flow) they managed to to work it out so that by they time it reached the third trimester, he’s pretty happy with the warm little life they’ve gotten all set up for themselves, and is a very cuddly skeleton. Also, a little secret he’s found out about pregnancy is that it makes his S/o’s pussy taste so much more delicious.

During labor- Stretch freezes, then his brother's loud voice pulls him back, and he puts the fluctuating panic to the back of his skull and shortcuts away. They think he's running off, but by the time Blue, who's very pissed at him, gets Stretch's S/o to the car, they see him stuffing the bags of supplies in the back.

Black- Oh- stars- he- he didn’t actually mean that- goddamn it! Ok... maybe he had... but-! He’s worried; worried about keeping them all safe, and worried that if he reacts in a way to keep them safe, his S/o will be angry with him and leave him forever! He- he can’t live with that!!! He growls and takes his S/o home, somewhere safe where he can hold them close against him. “Tell Me Again?” He asks softly. “I think I’m pregnant.” It’s said more levelly than it was before, more believing that he’s going to say something stupid. “Oh, Love... I’m The Happiest Monster In The World...” He pulls back to meet her gaze. “I’m Going To Make Sure That You Are The Most Well Taken Care Of Mate In All The Land.”

If it’s a scare- Oh... Well... That’s too bad... But... Now they can see how they’d react to the real news. And... now that it’s gotten them thinking about it... he kind of wants to actually try... hopefully his S/o will want to soon, too.

Not a scare- He’s so happy. Others speculate why he’s so happy, but they can never get him to reveal the truth, though they’ve all heard outlandish, crazy things by now, all said with a straight face, as though they were the truth. He never lets his S/o be without him or his brother- protection precautions. They will be a happy little family... and even though this little one was on accident- the next little one will be completely on purpose... and not too long after.

Through pregnancy- He is great at noticing things, and what he notices, is anything his S/o wants. Anything their eyes stay on for longer than a moment, anything they mention wanting or wondering about in passing. And, the strange thing about his observations is- they seem to just manifest out of nowhere! Right when they really wanted them the most! Those cookies from Muffet’s- somehow ended up on the kitchen counter... The soft fuzzy blanket they’d forced themselves to put back, draped over the couch. The relief they need that just hovers around the edges, tormenting them with an unscratchable itch they just can’t scratch- Black is there, holding them close, finding just the right angle, and sliding against it at just the right speed, and just the right strength to make his S/o's mind melt, their body doing the same in his arms. They are spoiled rotten by the end, and that’s just how he likes it; no one can do for them what he can, and they’ll never leave. Also hidden under the surface that is his joy of giving his S/o everything they could ever want, is his happiness and pride of the show of their bonding. Let no one doubt who his S/o belongs with.

During labor- The sudden cry of pain makes his skull snap to his S/o and search the area. What happened?! Who hurt them?! Who does he need to kill?! When he realizes that it's time, he yells for his brother to get the car, (softly and lovingly) telling his S/o to sit back and relax while he runs around and gathers everything, then stops where she is and helps her to the car. He only allows staff that he has personally vetted into the room, and only after he or Mutt have checked every form of ID available. No one will hurt his mate, or his heir. The moment he feels like any of the staff has messed up, he'll yell at them and push them out of the way- He'll Do It His Damn Self, Thank You!

Mutt- uuuuuuhhh... huh... um... hm. that’s... um... a thing, now, isn’t it... crazy how... humans reproduce... all run by chemicals, you know... Oh, damn it, look, he’s really... not sure how to behave! Is his S/o excited or pissed?! What is he supposed to do?! Does she want him to- no. No, he doesn’t think he wants to do that... He’s going to say no. If she asks, his answer is that he can’t do that. He realizes that she’s panicking, too, and is glad that his stony exterior made it so that none of his thoughts came through. He pulls her close and stands there, holding her, until she calms down. Even though he’s silent, he gives her what comfort he can, even if it’s just from his presence of being there. He’s not sure what else he could do... Except what he’s always done; take control of the situation. Their relationship is based on them both getting what they want from each other, and that what they want is the same thing... but... if he can’t convince her... if he tries to force her... she’ll just dig her heels in harder.

If it’s a scare- Oh, well... ok, then. He supposes... that it was just a mistake... something confusing... but... It brought up his memories of raising Black, and... he kinda liked remembering the way Black used to look up at him like he was the most amazing monster to ever have lived... made him think that... he probably... wouldn’t say no if there was the chance to do that again...

Not a scare- This situation sucks. The way that it happened sucks. He hopes that his S/o doesn’t end up hating him over this. He really loves them, and... that’s his kid. He’s not going anywhere. God and stars help the person who looks at his S/o the wrong way... and they’d have to help her if she ever tried to leave him, now...

Through pregnancy- His inner yandere shows itself very obviously. He’s always there, no matter where she goes. At the store? He’s lurking in the aisles. Taking a walk around? He’s silently shadowing her, keeping a socket out for anyone looking even remotely like they’d start something. Riding a bus to work? He’s somewhere... though you’d have to have a really good eye to pick him out. If they weren’t dating, he would probably get hit with stalking charges. Instead, he gets hit with, “why don’t you just ask to come with me instead of creeping the shadows like a freaking weirdo?”

During labor- Mutt internally freaks out for a moment, but gets ahold of himself while his brother guides his S/o to the car. Everyone around him is going to be glad for Black in this time. Mutt is looking like a murderous, protective bodyguard, standing just on the edge of the shadows, growling at anyone who even gets too close. No one except previously approved staff are allowed in the room. Everyone who is human thinks this is bizarre, but all the monsters there take it in stride as the norm. Black orders everyone around, which saves them all from having Mutt growling at them and seeming to stand over them, about to attack, even if he does sound like he's micromanaging.

Axe- He... uh... oops... He feels kinda guilty; there had to be intent involved, and... well, his S/o is pregnant, isn’t she? So... obviously he meant it... He’s half excited for a baby, and half really nervous because his brain keeps going back to; more mouths to feed, need more food- food! He hopes his S/o isn’t mad at him...  

If it’s a scare- He’s a bit relieved, since he was worried about his S/o finding out and being mad at him... but, maybe they could open the conversation about it...?

Not a scare- He breaks down and admits that he caused this, asking his S/o to stay with him and love him even though he was so reckless- but he fully intends to stay with them, even if they say no, it will just be from the shadows... but he can’t just let her take their baby and go! It’s dangerous out there! It’s not- ... oh... they were trying for a baby...? oh yeah... wait- no they weren’t! But he appreciates her telling him that they were to make him feel better...

Through pregnancy- He’s not leaving their side. He’s going to protect them through everything- like being around other people, or not having space to sit on a bench at the park... He gets a bit underfoot, honestly... But, he’s doing it for the most thoughtful reasons! He loves his S/o, and isn’t going to let anything happen to her, or their baby.

During labor- He's panicking hardcore! What's he supposed to do? What's he supposed to do?! Did he ever know what to do? He'd ask his S/o, but they're too busy screaming! Wait- Paps! Paps'll know what to do! He's good at remembering the stuff his mind shuts out! They all get to the hospital, and his S/o is in a room. All of the noise and commotion is messing with his mind, making that problem that makes him block access to his memories act up... He's kicked out of the hospital in approximately six minutes. He's also not allowed back until the baby is born.

Crooks/Bun- He’s not likely to start up these activities on his own, so it would either be a huge surprise, with him being pretty quiet and just blinking for a few moments. Axe will probably come over and see if someone needs to get smacked, honestly, or, he'd expect it and be excited!

If it’s a scare or not-  Yeah, this would 8/10 have to be on purpose. Those other 2/10, would be 1 oh wow, so it can happen after only one time... and 1 oh... wow...

Through pregnancy- He’s so happy, going everywhere with his S/o, talking about everything they plan to do, going on many parenting websites and doing research in his spare time, and babyproofing everything. He’s delighted to find out that the baby proofing helps with Axe, too, since he can’t trip and injure himself on everything when he’s not paying attention, now.

During labor- Oh- Ohh- Oh My! What To Do! Oh, Yes, To The Hospital! At the hospital, he's there as the amazing birthing coach he is, encouraging and rooting for his S/o!

Dusty- uhhhhhhhhhhh... um... what the fuck did his S/o just say? She thinks she’s what? ...! He’s freaking out, not only because he apparently was so reckless, but also because now he has to deal with the consequences of his actions. There’s going to be a kid- it’s going to be his kid- what if- what if there’s a reset- what if that demonic hellspawn comes back- oh fuck- what if it tries to take over his kid?!

If it’s a scare- He’s still severely rattled, and needs lots of time alone. Why isn’t Papyrus talking to him? Is he mad at him? It’s so quiet in his head now... at least, thank the stars, there’s not a chance of that stuff happening...

Not a scare- panic- panic- no disco, lots of panic! Where’s Papyrus?! He’d know what to do! Fuck- fuck fuck fuck- he’s going to be a dad- fuckfuckfuck!  

Through pregnancy- He’s very nervous. He needs a support animal or something. He’s so sorry that his S/o has to go through this with him dragging her down- he- he has feelings for her, though, and he’s sorry, but- if anyone else tried to step in and take her off his hands, they wouldn’t be a problem very long. A puddle of blood? Yes. A problem? No. And no one better fucking touch her! Ok, he’s calm, he promises- backthefuckupbuddy! His S/o will have to be patient with him as he adjusts and fights his way through the clouds of LV and psychological torture induced madness...

During labor- He blanks. He panics. He freaks out. His service dog nudges his hand and positions the handle of the vest under his hand, and he holds on out of habit. The dog leads him to a spot away from the noise as his S/o calls an ambulance. She gives the dog the command that tells them there's going to be a loud noise, because they probably won't remember to turn the sirens off when they get closer. She drops the note for Dusty in the spot they'd trained the dog to bring him notes from, and is on the porch, leaning against the wall, waiting for the ambulance. When Dust comes back to himself, his dog brings him a note that says "I'm at the hospital, I went into labor. Call me, love you! S/o." He's so glad to hear her voice when he calls.

[skytimil]

The heat?! Bakugou Katsuki

anon said: ”could you do a request with a werewolf!bakugou and reader where the reader is on their period, but baku doesn’t really know a whole lot about human stuff-when he smells the blood from you he gets anxious, like ‘!!?!’ and you’re like ‘nonono is ok’ but then you make the mistake of saying ‘it’s kinda like the human version of a heat.’ baku just LOSES it and poor baby starts panicking. as gentle as he can he practically drags you to bed all while you’re protesting and saying things like this -🐉 WHYDIDNTYOUTELLMEDUMMYIMSUPPOSETOTAKECAREOFYOUITSMYJOB and WHERESYOURNESTWAITOMGYOUDONTHAVEONE?SHITILLMAKEONEREALLYQUICKLY and he starts throwing blankets and shit around, WTHIAMYOURMATEYOUTHINKICANTCAREFORYOU? idk ive had this in my head for a while and think it’s super cute lol. like baku, while he doesn’t say it, likes to and takes pride in being able to take care of you since he considers himself The BestTM and to have you hide something from him makes him feels like he’s doing a bad job -🐉  “

A/N: I was so excited when I got this ask, this is so darn adorable aadgjad I hope you like it!! I made in the form of HC because I thought it would be easy, but then I remembered I suck a HC but I made something anyways. Thank you again, so much, this was seriously so much fun to write.  Also, I don’t really know the werewolf universe, even though I read a few scenarios here and there, I hope this meets your expectations!

Words: 1.1K

Genre: Werewolf!au, fluff

Warnings: I think there’s cursing a couple of times, but this is pretty light-weighted

If you want to request scenarios, drabbles or HC, feel free to do so

You can find other works in my masterlist, if you want

_____________

Of everyone you thought of dating, you certainly never thought you would end up dating a werewolf.

Bakugou and you hadn’t been together for a long time though, the relationship was pretty recent

However, he knew you were his mate. And you knew he was your soulmate.

It was forever for both sides.

It was weird at first for you to think of dating a werewolf; but he explains everything to you and vice-versa, because he’s not very good at “human stuff”, like he says.

“Do you seriously have a day to celebrate your relationship with someone?” he aks when you two were out on a date and you talked to him about Valentine’s day coming up

“Yes, some people go overboard though, kinda cringe if you ask me.”

“Why don’t you celebrate everyday though? Is the other person worth celebrating only on that especial day?” he throws the question to the air, making you look at him with a smile.

“I like the way you think.” You receiving a smile back from him.

Today, however, was Valentine’s day and you asked Bakugou to spend the night with you in your apartment, nonetheless

He said yes, of course, after all, every reason to be with you was a good reason

You were both snuggling on the couch, watching a cheesy and cliché romance movie on the television,

That’s when Bakugou smells something different about you.

“Y/n?” he aks gently, interrupting the movie

“What is it?” you ask looking at him, with your chin placed in his chest.

“hum… something about you smells different”

“Different?” you aks and slowly you raise your arm to see if you’re smelling of sweat or something

“Not that. Different.” He states confused, not knowing where this could be coming from.

You quickly get off him and run to the bathroom, confirming your thoughts. You just had your period.

It was not supposed to come until a couple days later, hormones really are something.

You wash yourself and stick a pad on your fresh underwear, coming out of the bathroom to find Bakugou in front of the door, with his arms crossed, waiting for you.

“Are you okay?” he asks, walking up to you, and you can notice the anxiety in his eyes, even though he doesn’t want to show it in his words.

“Yeah I’m fine... it was just my period, I wasn't expecting it until a few days from now, though.”

“It was your what?”

“You know… menstrual cycle.” You shrug your shoulders but the confusion stays in his face

“Is that another human stuff?” he questions, genuinely trying to understand

You giggle at him being so clueless, it was like teaching a child

“Yes. Women bleed for a few days every month,”

“Bleed?? And you can’t stop it?” he goes from confused to terrified really quickly

“There are women who take a special pill, but I don’t really want to put chemicals into my body, I prefer to suffer.” you state, looking apathetic at the floor tiles “Does me bleeding makes you uncomfortable?” you ask a little worried

You didn’t want to ruin Valentine’s day

“I’m a werewolf, not a fucking vampire.” Bakugou gulps “But, what do you mean ‘suffer’?”

You think for a little while before coming out with something

“I guess the period is like the heat for werewolves.”

Oh what did you remember to say

Bakugou was now so stiffen he almost looked like one of the pillars of the house

You had no idea why he was suddenly so quiet and you waved your hand in front of him

“Earth to Bakugou”

“h- heat?!”

You stare at him confused. Truth is, you don’t know werewolf stuff as well as he didn’t know human’s

“I think so, I don’t really know what involves the heat, but they can’t control it, can they?”

“…no.”

“Then there you have it. We can’t control our periods as well.”

All of a sudden Bakugou had you by your wrist, guiding you to your bedroom.

“You could’ve said something before, I’m here to take care of you!!”

“It’s fine, really. Tomorrow is the worse day anyway”

“Tomorrow??! But I have to go out of town tomorrow, how can I take care of you?!”

“I’ll just take some medicine, don’t worry, can we go back to the movie?”

“Do you think that’s enough?? And NO WE CAN’T GO BACK I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF YOU NOW!”

“Well, it has been enough, thankfully.” You just exhale. He’s exhausting, but so damn lovely at the same time, what makes you smile

“Why didn’t you tell me this earlier, I can’t leave you alone on your period!”

Once you enter your bedroom you notice him looking everywhere, as if he’s trying to find something

“What do you need?” you ask him, glancing over his shoulder

“ME? WHERE’S YOUR NEST?”

You snort, taking your free hand to your mouth “My what?” you mutter trying not to laugh. Does he really thing you sleep on a nest?

Adorable

“NEVER MIND, I’LL MAKE YOU ONE REAL QUICK.”

He just sat you down in the middle of the bed, going to your wardrobe and taking out all the spare blankets you had there. “What are you-“

“I am taking care of you! You think I can’t take care of you?!” he throws the blankets around you, making a perfect “nest” around you, and then he enters and lays down next to you.

“I’m your mate, I can take of you.” he repeats, hugging your figure close to his body

“Can you stop saying that, of course you can take care of me”

“Then why didn’t you tell me?”

“It’s not that bad.”

“I don’t care how bad it his. I’m your mate, it’s my job to keep you safe and to take care of you.” He throws an adorable pout.

“Stop that before I kiss you” you warn him

“As if I care”

You press your lips to his, hugging his torso back, pulling him into you. It was just a simple sweet kiss, like the new relationship you had been experiencing.

“Tell me, with this skill to make nests you probably had people following you everywhere, no?” you ask after you get back after the kiss

He looks at you surprised “How do you know?!”

“It was a hunch” you try to laugh silently, failing miserably ending up to laugh out loud, making Bakugou smile for seeing you happy.

He just hides his face on the crook of your neck and then “I love you”

You stop laughing so abruptly he almost thought you choked or something

When he returns to look at you, he sees your eyes filled with tears and starts to panic again

“W-what,  what the fuck happened??”

“I—I love you too!!” you hug him so tight.

You really found you soulmate. Or mate, the term is not so unreasonable now

And hormones really are something.

[marinaaniseed]

Dark ‘n’ Stormy, Pt. 11

Summary: It’s the day after the stuffing chapter. New Asgard decides which system of government it wants. Not much smut, an awful lot of politics.

Length: 6.9k. A more sensible person than me might try to edit this down, but honestly, I feel like you’d all be horribly disappointed if I didn’t write all the words.

Warnings: Eh the usual. Kinky food stuff, smut, drinking, swearing, mental health wonkiness, Asgardian politics, body shaming, intrusive media, social media shittiness, uncomfortable family relationships, mentions of starting a family, mentions of dead characters, smutty pictures, some ridiculously long speeches that might give you feels. I think that’s it.

Notes: This chapter, quite literally, took months to write. Apologies, therefore, if it’s a bit disjointed or I contradict myself. This bad boy is now over 50k in total (!) It took a while, because I couldn’t quite decide how I wanted it to go. Also, writing a story a day for the entire year is quite time consuming and a really fucking terrible idea. Typos and errors are all my own but please alert me to anything spectacularly bad so I can fix. I’ve not given this any distance, so I am hella word-blind.

Also, one of you gets a mention :P

Need a reminder of what’s happened? Pt. 10 & the masterlist.

If you like what I do, please let me know.

It wasn’t the cockerels crowing that woke you, but the dogs excitedly greeting someone.

“Whuh time issit?” you mumbled into Thor’s hair, your hand resting on his still full tummy as you spooned the sleepy Thunder God.

“Too early.”

He wasn’t wrong. Groggily you pulled yourself away, rummaging around for something to throw on so you could investigate who your visitor was.

Opening the bedroom door, you spied the Valkyrie crouched down by the settee, rubbing Geri’s tummy.

“Why?” you asked, not really awake enough to form a proper question.

“Why what?” Valkyrie responded, continuing to fuss the dog at her feet.

“Why are you here? Now? At this godforsaken time?”

“Has Thor forsaken this time in particular?”

Your glare said it all.

“I jest, sorry. Have you been online? Checked your phone? Seen or heard the news?”

“For fuck’s sake, Brunnhilde,” you said, startling the dogs and finally rousing Thor, “I’ve literally just gotten up. Because of you. When would I have done any of that? And why does it matter?”

“I’ll make the coffee, you go get Thor.”

You’d barely turned and taken a step, when you collided with the solid mass that was your lover.

“What’s wrong? Why is the Valkyrie here?” he asked, holding you to his stomach.

“Not a fucking clue.”

You weren’t exactly a morning person. Even less so after a few cocktails, and when your awakening had been rude. Not the good kind of rude, either. Thor knew, from prior experience, that waking you unexpectedly was like deciding to disturb a wasp’s nest. Nothing good would come of it and it wasn’t something you’d likely repeat in a hurry. You were a surly, venomous grump, sure to sting whatever had disturbed you.

Either Brunnhilde was more foolhardy than he thought, or something was seriously wrong.

Brunnhilde returned to find you slouched on the settee, buried in Thor’s hoodie with the hood pulled up and over, almost to the point of covering your eyes, in a vain attempt at ignoring the world. The steaming mug of caffeine placed on the table next to you was met with a snort of derision, and it was with no small amount of trepidation that Thor sat next to you, before pulling you onto his lap. Maybe whatever had brought the Valkyrie would concern only him, and you could doze off against his chest.

“Did you enjoy your pizza last night?” Brunnhilde asked, breaking the frosty silence.

“Yes,” Thor smiled at the memory. “How did you know we had pizza?”

“That’s what brought me here. I’m sorry it’s so early.”

Why would pizza have brought her here, Thor wondered. Did she need a recipe? Did she have some left over? Was she planning to open a pizza place in New Asgard?

“Someone… someone, erm, they snapped some pictures of you. The two of you. In the restaurant. They must’ve recognised you.”

“So?” Thor queried softly, hoping that you had begun to return to sleep in his arms.

“Well, they sold them to some media people. You’re, erm, trending on Twitter. I wanted to tell you before you saw for yourselves, some of the reporting is… unflattering.”

Yeah. Thor could already picture it. Being fat and in the public eye was just a magnet for the worst kind of people.

“If they’ve worked out who Y/N is, it’s not been published yet, but it’s only a matter of time,” Brunnhilde continued.

“Ah, balls,” you said, finally joining the conversation.

“Indeed. A few months back, I asked some friends to do some digging on you. Don’t be alarmed, I just wanted to be prepared for the time when it eventually emerged that you and Thor were together. I didn’t find anything to be worried about in what they found on you, but I understand that there may be things that you’d prefer to stay private. The silence of those involved can be arranged, if you wish.”

There were certainly things in your past that you weren’t exactly proud of. You probably should’ve realised that you couldn’t stay under the radar forever.

“No, it’s ok. Don’t waste your resources, or those of your friends. I’ve been alive long enough to know that if the tabloid press thinks there’s a story, they’ll dig it up somehow. Or just make one up. I’ve done what I’ve done, and that’s the end of that. Anyone commenting on my life probably has stuff they’d rather keep secret,” you answered with a sigh.

“Very well. Do you want to read the dossier?”

“No, no. I’m sure it’s very thorough and accurate. Thor, do you want to read it?”

“Anything you wish to tell me about your past, you can tell me about yourself,” he answered, running his fingers through your hair. “Whatever you have done, it’s of no consequence. You’re here now, that’s all that matters. Some youthful follies could not reverse my love for you.”

You nuzzled your face into his chest hair to hide the tears you could feel beginning to sting your eyes.

“Is that all, Brunnhilde? May we return to bed?” Thor said.

“Yes, of course. Apologies once again for disturbing you. I just wanted you to hear it from a friend before you heard it elsewhere.”

You were fast asleep again by the time Thor gently laid you back on the bed. You must’ve been warm in his hoodie, the early rays of sunshine beginning to seep into the bedroom, but he didn’t want to disturb you. His mind was all over the place, so he decided to check the news on your tablet while you were tucked into his side.

Thor’s Hammered!

King of Ass-gard

Pizza Gut - Avenger destroys pizza buffet

Thor quickly put the tablet back down. It stung to read the words they wrote about him, but even worse was what they wrote about you. They didn’t know you, why did they get to judge you, speculate about who you were and why you were with him? You were just another name on the long list of loved ones he wasn’t able to protect.

Gingerly removing himself from your side, relieved when he didn’t wake you, Thor decided to sit back on the settee, letting Loki slither over him. The snake wasn’t as helpful as his brother, but he found it calming anyway.

15 minutes later, the sound of a message being received made him jump. Unlocking his old phone, he saw it was a message from Brunnhilde.

I know you said you didn’t want to know about Y/N’s past, but I think you might find this interesting…

There were several links at the bottom of the message. Thor didn’t want to pry, he really didn’t, but he couldn’t help but be curious as to what was that important that Brunnhilde had felt the need to send him a link.

Moving as quietly as he could, he returned to the bedroom to grab the tablet, before settling back down to see what had been sent.

Typing the address was a torturous process, his fingers weren’t quite dexterous enough to easily manipulate Midgardian devices, although he was becoming more careful with them. Still, he nearly dropped the tablet when he saw where the link took him to.

It was a gallery of pictures. Pictures of you, to be exact. You weren’t naked but it was obvious that these weren’t the kind of pictures you shared with friends or family. He’d heard about these kinds of sites, adult sites they were called. The model had a different name, but it was definitely you. No doubt about it.

Pictures of you in corsets that pushed up your breasts and cinched in your waist. Pictures of you with chokers around your throat. Some pictures where you wore clothing made of a strange material that seemed to fit you like a second skin. Some more where you wore beautiful lingerie in vibrant colours, brilliant blues and vivid violets.

The pictures on the next link were a little different. Leather gloves, ball gags, handcuffs. Fishnet stockings and knee-high leather boots. Why had he never seen any of these outfits? Carefully gripping the tablet with one hand, he moved the other inside the waistband of his pants, rubbing at the head of his excited cock.

For a split second, he considered what Brunnhilde had thought of these pictures. Had she shown them to Sif? What if they’d both enjoyed them?

His cock grew harder at the thought.

And he knew he should feel a little ashamed. You hadn’t mentioned these pictures, so it probably wasn’t something you were proud of, but he couldn’t help but look, hope that others had looked, and seen just how sexy you were.

He didn’t really understand the third link. That seemed to be a niche site. You were barely visible, clad in rain gear, and wrapped in heavy duty tape to secure you to a post.

But, Brunnhilde really had saved the best until last.

Bound, gagged, blindfolded. Eyes wide in another as you looked at the woman stroking your hair as you sat tied to the chair. If he had to be king, he’d insist on having a throne, just so he could recreate that image with you. Only, in his version, you’d be wearing a lot less clothes, his face between your thighs, eating you out until the only thing keeping you upright were the ropes that held you in your place.

It was funny. He’d not really enjoyed being in chains, in a cage, when he’d encountered Surtur. But the thought of you being bound, held captive while he pleasured you in all the different ways he knew how. Now, that was something he liked the idea of.

Freeing his cock, he began to stroke in earnest, the images he’d just seen and images of what he’d like to do to you fuelling his desire. The harder he thought of them, the harder he got, and the harder he pumped his fist.

His orgasm was explosive, and Loki hissed at him angrily. Geri and Freki perked up their ears to see what the fuss was about. He knew he should move and clean himself but he was comfy, he was relaxed, he could rest here for a moment or two.

***

Evidently it was more than a moment or two when he awoke to the sound of pans clanging around in the kitchen. There’s no way you couldn’t have seen him, and there’s no way he could pretend it was anything else. He’d fallen asleep with his cock out, the evidence crusted onto his tummy.

Tucking himself back into his pants, he approached the kitchen with caution.

“Good morning, my love,” he tried.

“Good afternoon,” you corrected. “Dare I ask?” you said, looking at his gut pointedly.

Nothing good would come of lying, so he tried his best to explain the truth.

“Ah, well, what happened was, you see, Brunnhilde sent me an electronic letter with some links on my phone. So I looked at them on the tablet,” he explained.

“Brunnhilde sent you porn?”

“Yes. I mean no. I mean maybe? The links were to pictures of you.”

“Ah,” you said, understanding. “Brunnhilde’s friends found those.”

“I suppose so, yes.”

“Well, I’m glad you enjoyed them. I enjoyed doing them.”

Thor doesn’t ask for an explanation, doesn’t press you, doesn’t tell you about his fantasies. You’ll tell him when you want to, if you want to. He’ll tell you when you’re not trying to cook avocado eggs Benedict.

“I’m going to take a shower,” he mumbles before walking off to the bathroom. He’s glad that you’re not angry or upset, but he’s still embarrassed that you caught him in that position.

The shower is cold, but not cold enough to cool him down from his thoughts. Thoughts of those photos, thoughts of last night, and thoughts of what he’d like to do with you in the future. He could probably roll around on Jötunheimr and still feel too hot.

He’s quiet during brunch, but you don’t press him. You just hold his hand, silently telling him that everything will be alright.

You’d briefly checked your phone before Thor had woken up. There were so many notifications, you were afraid it might crash, and you’d put it back down again. Today was an historic day for New Asgard, you didn’t want to overshadow it by worrying about what Twitter trolls had to say about you. It keeps buzzing on the table next to you, and you continue ignoring it.

“Are you going to check that?” Thor asked. “It might be something important.”

“I don’t really want to, I’m afraid of what I might see,” you said.

“I understand, but the longer you leave it, the worse it will be. Maybe just check if there is anything from your family. You don’t want it playing on your mind throughout the day.”

Thor’s right, and so with a resigned sigh, you picked up your phone and looked at your notifications, dismissing anything that wasn’t important.

A message from Sam on Skype that read I knew you had a thing for older men, didn’t realise you liked them THAT old ;-) now I know where you are, let me know when I can visit. Ignore the haters, they’re just jealous.

There was also an entire chain of emails from your mum, without a subject. She’d never quite gotten the hang of email.

Is this you/??>????? And then a link to a news website.

It is, isn’t it.

WHy didn’t you tell us. Where you were????

Your father is looking at flights.

He’s found some cheap ones with Ryanair, we’re coming over in a fortnight. Flying to Oslo. Charlie is coming too.

He can’t find anywhere to stay in New Asgard, are there no hotels????

Answer me.

“Ah, fuck,” you said, staring at down at your phone.

“What’s the matter?” Thor asked, worried that you’d seen something critical of you.

“My family knows where I am now, they’re coming to visit,” you mumbled. “In two weeks.”

“That’s wonderful news, I can’t wait to meet them,” Thor said, kissing your hand.

“Yeah,” you said doubtfully. You loved your family, but they could be tricky at times. They were hurt, of course, by your vagueness on the subject of your whereabouts. You already knew they were going to make some unintentionally hurtful comments, either about Thor, or about Alex, or both. They were also likely to do the same about you.

“Two weeks,” Thor mused, still enthusiastic about the prospect of meeting your family. “I think that gives me sufficient time to build a place for them to stay.”

It was lovely that he was excited by the prospect, but you groaned internally. Something told you that Thor was not going to have time for much if the vote went the way you thought it would.

“I’ll tell them we can accommodate them somewhere,” you said, firing off a quick email. “Now, let’s forget about this and focus on the task at hand. Brunnhilde wanted us there no later than two, that only gives us an hour.”

***

At 2:10 you arrived at the mead hall, Thor in his full regalia, you in the dress he’d gifted you for the May Day feast. Geri and Freki loping along behind you. You went to add the one remaining cake to the long table of food, while Brunnhilde intercepted Thor.

“Is everything alright, after this morning?” she asked him.

“Yes, I think so. Y/N is strong, although her family have elected to visit. That seems to have shaken her,” Thor sighed.

“It must be hard to face someone you thought was dead, even if you love them, once you’ve been through the grieving process,” Brunnhilde noted.

“It is.” Thor knows it’s hard, he went through it enough times with Loki, but he’d do anything to have his brother back. Or his mother, father.

There are flowers everywhere. Bouquets on tables, bunting hanging from the rafters, and people everywhere with flower crowns on their heads. Thor’s pleased with how well they’ve turned out. He makes a note to thank everyone involved, as well as to the plants for blooming so abundantly for him. There was something very satisfying about growing things and tending to them, becoming one with nature.

He’s not surprised when you return with a flower crown, plus one each around the dog’s necks. He doesn’t think they’ll last long, which is why he’d made sure to cultivate flowers that wouldn’t make the dogs sick when they inevitably tried to eat them. Thor particularly likes how you look with your flower crown. He’s seen you wear one before, of course, but they really do suit you. He hopes that if he has to be king, then perhaps one day you’ll wear a different kind of crown.

“Hello, Brunnhilde. Apologies for our lateness. I didn’t grab a crown for you but if Thor doesn’t want this one, I’m sure you can have it,” you offered, holding out the wreath.

“That’s quite alright, I’m not really one for crowns,” Valkyrie answered with a small shake of her head. “I’ll leave you two to mingle, just don’t be late for the vote announcement.”

“We won’t,” Thor assured her, knowing full well that they won’t start without him. “I fear this may not be the only crown I accept today,” he continues, taking the flowers from you and placing them on his head.

“I’m sorry,” you said, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. “I’ll support you, no matter the outcome.”

Thor knows this, and he’s glad of it. He’s still not comfortable with being in charge, quite content with his life, building things, tending to the plants, and playing with his animals. But at least he doesn’t have to do it alone. After Loki died, he was so very alone. Korg and Miek were great, but there was something missing in his life, a much closer form of companionship that he’d finally found again.

“Let us mingle, I’m sure there are many children who will be glad to pet the dogs,” Thor said, looping his arm with yours at the elbow.

*** By the time it gets to the hour of the announcement, Geri and Freki have had their bellies rubbed by seemingly every child in New Asgard, much to their delight.

A little boy had brought you a small posy of flowers, and was extra pleased when Thor held him in his strong arms and let the child place the flowers in Thor’s beard. It’s very haphazard, and a little one-sided but Thor’s pleased with the end result, when you show him in your pocket mirror.

It makes him ache desperately to have a child - well, children - of his own. He thinks about what kind of uncle Loki would’ve been.

Hopefully he wouldn’t have stabbed them.

It’s too hot in the mead hall. Thor’s been trying to drink slowly, aware that he’s drinking out of nerves more than anything.

Dutch courage, you’d called it. Allegedly, Dutch soldiers had drunk jenever before going into battle. Thor considered that a little risky. Drinking was best done after battle, being clumsy while handling a weapon didn’t strike him as the best strategy. Then again, it seemed to work fine for Brunnhilde. It didn’t really happen to him, but supposed many people got nervous before a fight.

Thor knew you had a Dutch friend, a teacher. He wondered if they might bring jenever with them if they ever came to visit?

Bruce came over, crowds of Asgardians parting easily for his bulky frame.

“Hey buddy,” he said, hugging Thor. “Are you ready?”

“About as ready as I’ll ever be,” Thor answered. A few years ago, he’d thought he was ready. Had almost been crowned king.

He never thanked Loki for royally screwing that up. It was only now, with hindsight, that he could appreciate the favour his brother had inadvertently done him.

“It’s time,” Bruce told Thor, throwing an arm around his shoulders. Thor looks back at you, but you shake your head. This is an Asgardian matter. Your place is at the back with Geri and Freki, not onstage with Asgard’s elite.

“Do you know?” Thor asked Bruce, desperately.

“No Thor. Even if I did, I couldn’t tell you,” Bruce noted. “Whatever happens, you have people that care about you. It won’t be like it was before.”

Thor joins Valkyrie, Sif and several others onstage. Bruce waves his hands, dampening down the crowd that buzzes like a hornet’s nest. Despite all the assurances, this is still a volatile situation and Bruce says a silent prayer that everything works out for the best.

“Thank you all,” Bruce addressed the crowd. “Thank you for trusting in the process and for allowing us, as outside observers, to count all of your votes. No system will be perfect, but we hope that you will all respect the outcome, whatever it may be. It took three rounds of voting for an option to gain over 50% of the vote. I’ll now hand over to Captain America, who has the results.”

Bruce steps down, stands to the right hand side of the stage as Sam steps forward. Anticipation builds around the room, like static during a storm. Sif holds hands with both Thor and Valkyrie, holding in a breath as she waits to see which of the people she cares about most will draw the short straw of heading Asgard.

She fervently hopes that the people will have chosen another option, but she doubts it. Most Asgardians fell on one side of the divide or the other - traditionalists who wanted to continue the existing royal family, and those who felt that Brunnhilde was the best leader amongst those left.

“Thank you, Bruce,” Sam said, grateful that someone the Asgardians were familiar with had addressed them first. “The result is very close, but let me assure you, it is accurate. We counted every single ballot ten times, just to ensure there was no discrepancy. With 50.8% of the vote, the people of Asgard have chosen the option of an octarchy.”

The room erupted with people cheering, complaining, or otherwise chatting with people about what it all meant. Sam waited for the commotion to die down before continuing.”

“Furthermore, the proposed solution, as outlined within the election materials is that Thor, son of Odin.” Sam paused, Thor’s full title sounding odd coming out of his mouth, but that was what the piece of paper he was holding said. “Thor, son of Odin, shall rule as king, and head of state.”

Thor paled visibly and your heart went out to him, glad that Sif was holding his hand.

“Succession will be a matter of blood, as it has always been, unless Thor shall have no issue. In that event, the people of Asgard will once again convene to decide how they wish to be governed. Brunnhilde, of the Valkyrior, shall serve as his second in command. She will rule in his absence or if he is incapacitated, if Thor does not have an heir of legal age.”

Sam shook his head. He shouldn’t have let Bucky write the speech, he should’ve known his metal-armed partner would try to stitch him up with flowery Asgardian language. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Bucky smirking, standing next to Bruce. Sam makes a mental note to put on his suit later, pick Bucky up, and drop him in the North Sea.

“The other six members of the council will be chosen as follows. Thor, son of Odin, and Brunnhilde, of the Valkyrior, shall each choose one. Two more shall be elected by the people of Asgard. The final two shall be selected at random in a lottery of all citizens who have come of age. These positions shall be reviewed every ten years, unless circumstances, or the will of the people dictate otherwise.”

The place descends into chaos, even the dogs start barking at all the noise, and it only stops when the valkyrie gets to the front of the stage and lets out an ear-piercing screech. Everyone stops what they’re doing and looks at her, wincing.

“Settle down everyone, settle down,” she shouted. “I respect this result, just as I said I would, and I pledge to serve both Asgard and its king to the best of my ability, as long as I am able to do so. I would like to thank you for your trust and patience during the time in which I served as Asgard’s caretaker. I know that not all of you were happy with the situation, but I hope I served you well. There is one among us, who I would like to nominate for inclusion on the council. However, I am aware that some of you may feel it is a conflict of interests. As many of you are aware, the Lady Sif and I are in love. She is my nomination if you will accept her.”

Raucous applause erupts. Sif is well liked, and most people are pleased to have her helping to steer Asgard’s course, even if she’s a little too eager to head into battle at times.

“Very well, I thank you all for your trust,” the valkyrie continued. “While I have the floor, there is one more thing I wish to do. I was going to do it later, but I think now is best, to declare my love in front of all those I serve.”

This time it’s Sif’s turn to go pale, as the Valkyrie sinks to her knees, turning back to Sif.

“Lady Sif,” Brunnhilde began. “I have lived long and travelled far, and there is no beauty that can compare to yours. Your love shines brighter than any star, and I am a better person for you sharing it with me. I have no title or riches to give you. This is but a small trinket, for I have already given you the greatest gift I have to give, which is my heart. I would be honoured if you would accept this ring as a token of my love, as is the custom on much of Midgard, and agree to be my wife.”

Sif is openly sobbing, and Thor’s not sure he’s ever seen her cry before. Scores more around the room wipe away tears as Sif slowly moves forward, allowing the Valkyrie to slip the ring onto her finger. Once it’s in place, Sif takes Brunnhilde’s hands and pulls her up, embracing her tightly and kissing her fiercely to a chorus of cheers.

It’s a wonderful sight, and you’re glad that there’s something for Asgard to celebrate, even if the vote didn’t go everyone’s way. Your throat goes dry as Thor nervously makes his way to the front of the stage to speak.

“Hello everyone. Apologies if I seem nervous, it has been many years since I last addressed so many,” he said, fiddling with the hem of his cloak. It’s far too hot to be wearing it, but he’d insisted that this was an important occasion and that he should dress accordingly.

“My congratulations to the Lady Sif and the Lady Brunnhilde. Theirs is an excellent union, and I wish them an eternity of happiness together.”

Thor waits until the cheering dies down before continuing.

“I, too, respect and honour the results of this vote. No man can outrun his destiny, and it seems mine will always be to rule Asgard as its king, even though I feel ill-equipped to do so. Fate apparently wills it so. I have not led Asgard well these last few years, and I apologise for that from the bottom of my heart. I have been remiss in my duties. I know that some of you do not trust that I have changed, but I give you my solemn word that I have. That I will act for the good of Asgard, and the other eight realms, as long as there is life in my breast.”

The entire room draws a collective gasp as Thor sinks to one knee. Panic sets in. This can’t be happening. Surely he’s not about to propose as well?

“I kneel before you, as your humble servant,” Thor continued, and you sighed in relief. “Too long, the people of Asgard have knelt before the throne. No more. I kneel before you all, and ask for your forgiveness. I am not the man I was, but I hope with time, that I will become someone better, someone worthy of the position that I find myself in.

“Asgard is not a place, it is a people. My father told me that, and I see now how true it is. I thank each and every one of you for trusting and believing in Asgard, in each other, when I did not trust or believe in myself. Together, you have created something strong and beautiful. I thank you for sharing it with me. You have rebuilt, you have shown incredible strength and fortitude.

“I am sorry for abandoning you. It is the most dishonourable and cowardly thing I have ever done. I asked the Valkyrie to rule in my stead, because I felt she was the best person for the job. I am truly sorry for abandoning Asgard in her hour of need. Thank you, all of you. Thank you for preserving our traditions and stories. Thank you for building a new home for us all. Thank you to everyone who has helped today. Baking delicacies, creating flower crowns, playing music. All that you do, on this day and every day, to ensure that we survive, that our culture survives, is appreciated by me.

“I hope to be able to thank you all individually, but please understand, it may take me some time. I kneel before you, as your king, humbled by the faith you still place in me. I shall work to rule as a king of the people, not above them. The throne should not be an untouchable pedestal on which I am put.

“Although I do not have a crown, I kneel before you, ready to serve Asgard, completely and unreservedly.”

“About your crown,” a voice called from the stunned crowd, as all eyes turned to look at Lorelei. She walked slowly through them, people parting for her, before she stopped in front of the stage, directly in front of Thor.

“When Hela attacked, many of us realised that Asgard was in peril. As we fled the city, some of us gathered up important artefacts. I apologise for keeping this from you, your majesty, but there never seemed to be an opportune moment…” she trailed off, reaching into a leather satchel, slung low against her hip.

Several people fainted, as with trembling hands, she pulled a crown from it.

“My-my father’s crown,” Thor mumbled, stunned.

“Yes, your majesty,” Lorelei explained. “I apologise again for keeping it secret, but you had already lost so much, I did not wish to remind you of your father. I have kept it safe, all these years. I believed that one day, you would be restored to the throne. I believed that day would be today.”

With trembling fingers, she reaches out the crown as Thor lowered his head. Tears were running down his face, into his beard, for everyone to see as he sat back up, slowly rising to his feet.

A collective sense of shock reverberated around the room, and you anxiously stroked your two dogs, who sat flanked you on either side.

“Thank you, good Lady Lorelei. This truly is an extraordinary gift. I thought I would never see this again, let alone wear it. I do wonder, now, what else was saved from Asgard, but that is a matter for another time,” Thor advised. “I have but one more matter to discuss, before it is time to feast. There is much to celebrate this day, and I hope it is one that will long be remembered.”

Thor paused, taking a moment to look around the hall. His friends, his people looking up at him. It filled him with a tiny spark of confidence that everything would work out fine this time, unlike when he had told Loki it would, all those years ago, after Asgard was destroyed.

“Like the Lady Brunnhilde, I too have someone I wish to nominate to the council. Like her, this person is one who is very dear to me,” he noted, looking across the heads of everyone to look you in the eye.

Thousands of heads turned to face you as you froze, wishing the ground would swallow you up.

“I wish to nominate the Lady Y/N. She has done so much for Asgard, though her time with us has been short so far,” Thor admitted. “As an outsider, I believe she has much knowledge and wisdom to offer us about Midgard, its people, and their customs. Her counsel is invaluable to me, and I would like to offer her a place at this table, if there are no objections.”

Deathly silence descends, everyone waiting for someone to say something.

“A wise appointment, your majesty,” Leifr spoke up, and a chorus of cheers echoed around the room.

“It is settled then,” Thor exclaimed happily. “The other four positions shall be determined in due time, but now I say it is time to eat, drink, and dance our fill. There is much to celebrate as we enter into a proud new chapter in Asgard’s history.”

Everything was a blur for several hours as you try to process exactly what’s happened. Thor being king again was something you expected, and he seems to be taking it well. His speech was genuinely moving and you could see many Asgardians visibly softening to him as he spoke.

But appointing you to be one of Asgard’s eight rulers?

No. No no no. This could not be happening. You didn’t belong here, didn’t want that kind of responsibility.

Judging by the way people keep congratulating you, it definitely is happening. You barely have an appetite, pushing your food around, eating small amounts whenever Thor prompts you to try this dish or that.

It had been a productive few hours for the other three newly instated rulers. Between them, they’d managed to hash out a plan for getting the other council members appointed. They’d even found time to draft a press release with Pepper, covering the events of the day. The world media would be taken aback. New Asgard had never released any information before. Along with the details of the election, Pepper had made sure to note that the new rulers would be willing to engage with journalists going forward to ensure transparency about what the kingdom was doing, but that they would not interact with any outlet that did not respect Asgardian privacy or engaged in hurtful gossip about them.

Apparently, the prince of another country, and his wife, had done something similar a few years prior.

You sit completely zoned out, a zombie. Utterly alone while surrounded by people. Geri and Freki lie protectively at your feet, aware that something is wrong.

Even Thor can sense that something is amiss. You’re paying no attention to him eating increasingly absurd portions. He even mentioned that he was getting full and you just nodded politely, a slightly vacant smile plastered to your face. You didn’t even try to touch his stomach, where it sat pressed up against the table.

Eventually, Sam manages to make his way over, whispering in Thor’s ear. You’re dimly aware that they’re talking about you, by the way Thor keeps glancing nervously in your direction.

“Let us go for a walk,” he said, standing up and tugging at your elbow. “Young Sam said that you look like you could do with some fresh air.”

Moving on autopilot you follow him, Geri and Freki loping along behind you. He leads you down to the beach, the sun setting in the distance as Thor gently maneuvers you into sitting down on a driftwood log.

“Are you quite alright?” Thor asked, running his fingers up your bare arms as he crouched awkwardly in front of you. “You seem distant, distracted.”

“This is all just very overwhelming,” you said, looking at your hands where they rested in your lap.

“I agree, much has happened today. We can return home, if you wish?”

“Why did you appoint me to the council?” you whispered, voice shaking. “I don’t know if I’ll still be here in ten years. What if we split up? I don’t belong here, I’m not Asgardian. I don’t want this responsibility, I’m not qualified, I don’t want to do this.”

Thor’s heart sank and he let out a sad sigh, finally sitting on the soft sand, his hefty stomach making it hard to keep his balance while he crouched. He’d done it again. He’d thought only of what he wanted and hadn’t consulted you. He’d upset you, ruining your evening.

“I’m so sorry,” he said, tipping your chin up to make you look at him. “That was thoughtless and selfish of me, I should have consulted you before announcing my plan. Today has been trying for you, and you were already anxious and upset. I’m truly sorry for burdening you further.”

“I know you didn’t mean to Thor, but I’m so scared and sad.”

“Oh my love, no. I really am such an oaf,” Thor said sadly, pulling you into the small amount of lap he had left. If he kept on like this, he was going to really struggle to hold you like this soon.

He wants to kiss your lips, to kiss away all the hurt and worry he sees in your eyes, to kiss it better like his mother used to kiss his and Loki's scrapes and grazes. But he lets you bury your face in his shoulder. All he can do is cuddle you while you cry, chest heaving against his, while he rubs little circles onto your back, mumbling apologies all the while.

“I’m so sorry. I never meant to upset you, to make you scared or anxious. I can see that I was mistaken, even though I only meant it as a good thing, as a compliment to your character and your intelligence. I truly know of no other in the whole of Asgard more capable than you, not even Brunnhilde,” Thor explained. “You are wise for one so young, and far more learned than any of us when it comes to this land we find ourselves in. Please, allow me to apologise unreservedly for the hurt I’ve caused. Allow me to make it right, allow me to pick another to serve in your place.”

You're so silent, shaking in his arms. It hurts Thor in a way he’s not felt since his father banished him. What if he's finally gone too far? What if this is the thing that pushes you away from him?

It scares him more than the thought of Thanos returning once more.

“A trial,” you said softly, as you raise your head.

“Pardon?” Thor asked.

“Until the end of the year, I will serve for a trial period. But if at the end of that time, I still don’t want to do it, then you must replace me, without any reservations.”

“Of course, of course. Are you absolutely sure?”

“No,” you admit. “But I am willing to try. I trust you. I trust you not to force me into anything I can’t handle. I’m humbled that you and your people have accepted me, and are prepared to give me this chance. I know it’s a great honour. So I will try to repay that trust that you have, I will try to serve Asgard, even if it doesn’t come easily to me.”

“No one who seeks power or has it come easily to them should ever be allowed to wield it,” Thor noted, rubbing his nose against yours. “Thank you, my love for agreeing to try this. I will honour your request should you change your mind at any point. I admit, I was scared that I had lost you, that my foolishness had driven you away.”

“You’ll have to do more than that to get rid of me,” you laughed wetly, wiping your face on the back of your hand.

“That’s good news, although I hope never to test that theory,” Thor told you, relieved. “Do you wish to return to the hall? I’m sure you could persuade me to have some more wine and sweet treats. As you can see, I am not quite at capacity,” Thor teased, moving your hands under his tunic to touch his taut tummy.

“I think I would like to head home. I’m emotionally exhausted and I just want to faceplant into your tummy and go to sleep.”

“Also an excellent plan,” Thor admitted, standing up with your still in his arms.

“I’m not too tired to walk,” you tried to insist, looking down at your bemused dogs as they trailed alongside the gentle giant carrying you.

“I know that, I just wanted to hold onto you some more.”

Thor’s going to be extra affectionate for the next little while, still reeling from the feeling of almost losing you. Now he finally has something to lose again, he’s resolutely determined not to let it happen.

@innerpaperexpertcloud @morganhoran1671

[ericsonclan]

If The Hammock's a'Rocking, Don't Come a'Knocking

Summary: Brody and Mitch seize the opportunity of having some alone time to try something they never have before... <3

Read on A03:

They had been waiting for this moment. For weeks now, Mitch and Brody had been trying to find an opportunity to have some alone time: easier said than done on a ship. Every time they found it was just the two of them, one of the younger boys would come running in or Louis would be looking for them since he was starting a crew meeting or Prisha and Violet had already found that spot. Neither of them wanted to show it, but the constant denial of their deepest desire – to just get their fucking hands on each other – was wearing away at them. At last though the day came when the stars aligned in their favor. Louis and Clementine had taken the boys out on the rowboat to investigate a nearby island. Marlon was steering the ship around to the other side of the island where they’d meet them. Prisha and Violet were up in the crow’s nest on watch duty. Ruby and Aasim were sewing together a new flag. Omar was in the kitchen as always. Everyone had something to do… except Brody and Mitch. Their opportunity had arrived. Stealthily, they snuck down below deck, making their way to the sleeping quarters. They chose Mitch’s room, shutting the door behind them with an almost inaudible click. As soon as it was shut, they stole their first kiss of many to come that afternoon. “God, it feels like forever since we’ve had some time alone,” Brody exclaimed, pulling Mitch in for another kiss. “Damn right,” Mitch grumbled. “Never thought I’d value privacy till we couldn’t fucking find any,” The ship rocked under their feet as they made their way over to Mitch’s hammock, their lips locked together as they blindly navigated toward their destination. Placing a hand on his hammock, Mitch turned to Brody with a devious smile. “So…” “So…” Neither was willing to admit how nervous they were. If they’d had clear heads about the matter they both would have realized that the likelihood of their partner having any experience in this area was next to nothing. Both were so absorbed in hiding their emotions from the other though that they often did a pretty shit job of reading each other. So here they both stood, too afraid to admit to the other that they had no idea what they were doing. “Ladies first,” Mitch motioned toward the hammock. Brody quirked an eyebrow. “I think you’d crush me if I went up there first. You go,” “Fine then. Coward,” Mitch jumped up into his hammock, scrambling a little before plopping in place. “Need a hand?” Brody begrudgingly took it, grunting with effort as she pulled herself up onto the hammock. Mitch smirked at her as she got settled. “No wonder you sleep on the bottom hammock in your room. Didn’t know a pirate could be such a shit climber,” “Shut up,” Brody snapped, whacking his chest. She tried to sit up straight, but overestimated the height of the ceiling, bumping her head in the process and letting out a sharp hiss of pain. “Shit, you alright?” Mitch asked, leaning forward to help her. “No, wait, don’t move!” Brody warned – but it was too late. Mitch’s shifting weight threw the entire hammock of balance, flipping the pair unceremoniously out and onto the floor. They sat up with heavy groans. “I told you to wait,” Brody muttered, rubbing the bump on her head. “Sorry,” Brody looked over to see Mitch gazing sheepishly at the floor. It wasn’t like him to not have a comeback. She took his hand in hers, offering a small smile. “Let’s try again,” This time they were both smoother in their ascent and more cautious as they got into place, making sure not to make any sudden movements that might rock the hammock too much. They smiled at each other in triumph, moving in for a kiss. Things progressed rather quickly, getting more heated from there. Suddenly though, Mitch pulled back with a groan. “What’s wrong?” Brody’s tone was worried. “Did I do something?” “No, it’s not you. I just realized what a dumbass I am, leaving my boots on before getting up here. Not sure how to get ‘em off now,” “Shit. I left mine on too,” Brody’s brow furrowed in thought. “Stay really still, OK? I’m gonna see if I can turn around and slip yours off,” Mitch held onto the edges of the hammock, trying to stabilize it as Brody slowly turned around. There were a couple close calls, but after a minute or two she was facing Mitch’s feet. She started to untie his laces. “You know,” Mitch commented, “This isn’t the worst view over here. I could get used to this,” “Less talking, more untying. My shoes should be within your reach too,” “Spoilsport,” But Mitch complied, working on undoing Brody’s shoes as well. Suddenly, the ship hit a particularly large swell. Brody was knocked off of the hammock with a scream. “Brody! Are you OK?” Mitch looked over the edge of the hammock in terror. Brody waved up at him from her landing spot in the lower hammock. “Just fine. I’m just gonna step onto the floor though to finish getting my boots off. Probably what we should’ve done in the first place,” “Good idea,” They finished the removal of their boots separately before Brody hopped up into the hammock once more. “Third time’s the charm, right?” she said with a wink. Mitch placed his hands securely on her hips, sitting up for a kiss. They quickly achieved a fairly good rhythm now, Mitch’s hands slipping under the edges of Brody’s shirt while Brody’s fingers worked to loosen the laces on his shirt. A sudden turn had them both clinging to each other in desperation though as the hammock swung fiercely to and fro. Marlon must have begun to circle the island. “Fuck, I wish we had a bed,” Mitch muttered. “Louis and Clem have it so easy. We should’ve snuck in there,” “Are you crazy?” Brody hissed. “What if someone caught us in there? We’d never hear the end of it!” “We know how to be sneaky,” “It doesn’t matter! They’d know if we’d been in there. There’d be some sort of evidence we left or a weird smell or-” “A weird smell? What exactly are you expecting?” “I don’t know! I just, I-I…” Brody’s breathing was quickening. Seeing how bad it was getting, Mitch raised his hands to stroke her arms, rubbing gentle circles as he went. “Hey, my bad. If you don’t wanna sneak in there, we won’t. We’ll make this work… somehow,” “Thank you,” Brody whispered. “I really want to. Make this work, that is,” “Same here,” They returned to their endeavors, each excited touch bringing them closer to something they weren’t quite sure how to handle but were ready to try. There were certainly some bumps – both literal and metaphorical – along the way. At one point when Brody was reaching forward to cup Mitch’s cheek a jostle from the ship led to her poking him in the eye. And when they were both trying to get Mitch’s pants off he almost slipped out of the hammock, grabbing Brody’s hair for balance and pulling it in a very unsexy way. It likely would have been easier if they’d simply taken all of their clothes off before entering the hammock, but seeing as the removal of a single item of clothing sent them both into a blustering tizzy, there was no way that would happen. Finally they appeared to be getting somewhere. Brody’s shirt and Mitch’s pants were off and they had gotten quite proficient at maintaining their balance even as the hammock swayed wildly with each and every wave against the ship’s hull. Brody and Mitch shared a tentative look as they pondered if they were ready to start to take that final leap into unknown terrain. Brody’s hand hovered above Mitch’s torso. Mitch nodded his permission. Brody’s hand moved slowly down, trailing lower until- “Just a sec, Prisha! I know where I left it, just gotta grab it!” That was Violet’s voice. Brody’s head jerked up in alarm, smashing once more into the room’s ceiling, right where she hit it before. She grabbed her head in pain and Mitch leaned forward in concern… sending both of them tumbling out of the hammock, landing in a tangled mess on the floor just as Violet opened the door. All three of them froze, staring at each other in abject horror. Brody and Mitch felt like dying in that moment, sinking down into the watery abyss where they would never have to see another living soul again, where they could fade into oblivion and forget this utterly mortifying moment. There was no escape though. Violet was the first to move. Walking over to her hammock, she opened one of the trunks underneath, fishing through it for a second before emerging with a polished spyglass. Brody had tried to cover what her bra didn’t hide while Violet’s back was turned and Mitch shifted slightly, trying to shield her from view as well. Violet walked back to the door silently. Before she exited, she reached over into the hammock on her left, fishing out a dirty sock. She plunked it onto the outer doorknob before shutting the door behind her. “Holy shit,” Brody groaned, rubbing her knuckles against her throbbing forehead. “That was a buzzkill if I ever saw one,” “No duh!” Brody looked to the door in fear. “Think she’ll tell anyone?” “Violet? Never,” Mitch tapped his fingers against the floorboards, looking around the room. “Sooo… what do we do now?” “Raincheck?” “Raincheck,”

Their moment would have to wait till another day.

[vicmc624]

Somewhere to belong

Pairing : Dean x reader

word count: 8880

warnings: anxiety, panic attacks , abusive ex, sexual assult

summary : reader is saved by the boys and runs into them on another hunt. she has no where to go so they take her in, and she starts hunting with them

Masterlist

You heard something, a slight noise but it was enough to let you know that you were not alone. You had been hunting this nest of vampires for a long time. They were the ones who killed your best friend. The only reason you got away was because Sam and Dean showed up. A few escaped and you had been hunting them down ever since. After the boys saved you they left town and told you to stay safe. But you couldn’t let it go. Not after the horror you witnessed. So you started to research. Learning all you could about the monsters that existed in this world. You knew about monsters, the human kind, but this was different. You felt like there was something you could do about these monsters. Humans always found away to escape justice.

You slowly crept through the house, trying to make as little noise as possible. When all of a sudden you are knocked down from behind. You recognized the vampire, he was there the night your friend died. You rolled over and reached for your machete that you dropped. Before your hands could lock around it the vampire was on top of you. You were trying desperately to hold it back before it could sink its teeth into your neck. He was just too strong. You felt his teeth enter your flesh and you couldn’t help the scream that escaped your lips. Had drank deep and before long you could feel yourself slowly start to lose consciousness. Then all of a sudden the vampire was being pulled off you. Dean grabbed it and chopped its head off so quick you weren’t sure it was real. Sam was by your side holding pressure to the wound in your neck.

“We’ve got to stop meeting like this”, Dean said with a smirk.

You wanted to laugh, maybe throw a witty remark his way but before you could you passed out. You woke up in a hospital bed, you felt like you had been sleeping for weeks and like you were fighting the flu. You felt so weak that you could barely turn your head. But when you did you saw Sam and Dean sitting in chairs next to your bed. I must be dreaming, you thought. Last time you saw them they left town so quick you didn’t even have a chance to thank them for saving you.

“She’s awake”, Sam said, looking up from his lap top.

“What did you think you were doing!” Dean started in right away. “I thought we told you to stay safe”.

“I had to find them….” you started.

“I’m not near finished.” Dean said with an angry look. “You have no training and no idea what you are doing out there. We have been training to be hunters our whole lives and we know what we are doing. You have no fighting skills, no knowledge, and obviously no brains!”

“Take it easy Dean, you of all people know what its like to want revenge.” Sam said trying to defuse the situation.

“Maybe but at least we are smart about it!”

You were laying there watching Dean, why was he so angry, it’s not like you knew him. You met once when he saved you. What business is it of his what you do with your life.

“Excuse me, what right do you have to say anything to me. I will do what I want with my life. You know nothing about me, what I’ve been through. Sandy was all I had in this world. She was there for me when I was at my lowest. I have no one else. No family, no friends, she was it and I am not gonna let the monsters who killed her get away with it. So if you’ll excuse me I need to get dressed and get out of here. I have work to do. I heard them talking before that one jumped me and I know where they are going next.”

You swung your feet over the edge of the bed and tried to stand up, a wave of dizziness clouded your head and if Dean wasn’t there to catch you, you would have ended up on the ground.

“Where do you think you are going!” Dean seemed like he was even angrier than before.

“I have work to do.” you said defiantly.

“Why don’t you leave it to the professionals, tell us where they are and we will take care of them”

“No, I’m coming with you, I have to see this through.”

“Like hell you are!”

“Then I guess you won’t know where they are going next. Now leave my room before I call security.”

Sam and Dean exchanged a look and you knew that they were trying to decide what to do. You knew that they wouldn’t want the let the vampires escape, you played your hand perfectly.

“Fine, you can come with us.” Dean said.

“What!” Sam exclaimed, “That is a colossally stupid idea, she nearly got herself killed back there.”

“It’s either we take her with us or she goes off on her own. At least if we are there to protect her, her chances of making it out alive goes significantly up.”

“So that’s that, if you guys don’t mind, I’d like to get dressed alone please.”

They moved out into the hall, you could still hear them arguing back and forth but you knew that they needed you. Breathe in and out, in and out. You slowly got dressed and the more you moved around the stronger you felt. Soon all the bastards that took Sandy will be gone. They won’t be able to hurt anyone else ever again. It felt like it took you forever to get dressed but once you were done you opened the door to see the brothers standing there waiting for you.

“Ok where are they going?” Sam asked

“Do I look stupid to you? If I tell you, you will just ditch me and go hunt them alone. I’m a part of this, I have to be.”

You could feel the tear stinging your eyes, not now. Not in front of them. You swallowed to ease the lump in your throat and turned to walk away before they could see your eyes watering. Stop it, you are stronger than that. Soon they will pay, they will all pay for what they took from you.

The boys followed you out of the hospital and to the parking lot. You didn’t see your car, duh they probably brought you here in theirs.

“Where’s my car?” you asked.

“I’m assuming where you left it.” Dean said with an annoyed look on his face.

“Take me to it and you can follow me to where they are going.”

“Yeah, not happening, you look like you can barely walk, much less drive, just get in the car and you can tell us the way.”

“Fine but first I need something from my car, preferably something to wear that isn’t soaked in my blood.”

As you climbed in the back seat you let you mind wander, back to when you first met Sandy. Back to when she saved you from your ex. She helped you escape, she helped you through the nightmares, the panic attacks. She had you take self defense classes to make you feel stronger. No one was ever going to hurt you like that again. If it wasn’t for her you don’t know where you would be. Before long Dean pulled down the street the house was on.

“Which car is your’s?” Dean asked glancing at all the cars.

“That one”, you pointed to the old beat up Chevy Lumina. It barely ran and was on it’s last leg. You knew it wasn’t gonna last much longer but it was all you had. He pulled up behind and you got out and walked to the trunk. Dean got out and followed you to see if you needed any help. When you opened it he was surprised to see another machete, some books on lore, and a couple guns.

“This is what you’re hunting with?” he said completely unimpressed

“Well I haven’t been at this long.”

“Why would you want to do this, hunting, it’s not a long life. All there is, is blood, pain, and more blood.”

“I could never explain it to you, when that vampire killed Sandy, he took everything from me. I have no family, nothing without her and if I die hunting these monsters, there’s no one that will miss me. So I’m gonna do what I can til then”.

“I’m sure that’s not true, plenty of people would miss you. You seem like an amazing person, there’s probably lots of friends wondering where you are right now.”

You laughed, me friends. That was funny. Always the outcast, raised in a family of hoarders and anger. Always alone. You didn’t even reply, just grabbed your bag of clothes and your weapons and walked back to the impala. You climbed in the back seat and rifled through your bag for a shirt and some jeans. At least your bra wasn’t covered in blood. Dean climbed in the front seat and started the car. You quickly tore off your shirt and crumpled it up. Dean looked in the mirror and saw you changing.

“Whoa whoa, what are you doing?”

“Please, I have a bra on. Just don’t look and drive. I’m sure you’ve seen this kind of thing before.”

He turned back to the front and in the mirror you could see a slight blush coloring his cheeks. That made him so much hotter. Focus, you weren’t with them to get laid. They were a means to an end. They would help you kill the rest of the nest responsible for Sandy’s death.

“Head east on the highway, I heard them talking about a farm outside of town. One said to look for the big windmill.”

He started driving and you changed your jeans. Fuck, that was your favorite pair. The blood would probably never come out. You never learned much about laundry because you barely even had clean clothes growing up, much less how to get stains out of things.

“This really sucks!” you didn’t realize you said it out loud til Sam turned around to look at you.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Nothing, it’s just these were my favorite jeans and now they are ruined.”

“It’s just a little blood, wouldn’t be too hard to get out.” Sam said.

“Really, you guys know how to get bloodstains out of clothes?”

“Of course, in this line of work blood stains happen quite a bit. I’ll help you if you want.”

You couldn’t help but smile, he had this energy about him. Something that reminded you of Sandy.

“That would be great, thanks.”

The rest of the drive was silent and Dean drove down the dirt road looking for the big windmill, then you saw it. The farmhouse had at least 5 cars parked out front. Who knows how many vamps are in there. Your heart started to race a little. You were still new at this and the thought of what was to come scared you a little….ok a lot. But you weren’t alone this time. These boys seemed like they knew what they were doing and you couldn’t help but trust them. I mean they already saved your life….twice.

Dean pulled off in a small driveway up the road, they both got out of the front seat at the same time and moved back to the trunk. You got out of the back seat with your machete and joined them at the back of the car. When Dean opened the trunk you were amazed, you had never seen so many weapons.

“Is that a rocket launcher? What exactly do you hunt with that?” you asked

“Don’t get him started.” Sam said, “Dean’s still mad we haven’t had the chance to use it”.

“We had the chance you just wouldn’t let me use it!” Dean said with a slight pout

“That was a stealth mission, rocket launchers aren’t exactly stealthy”

You couldn’t help at giggle at the exchange. You never had a sibling but you could def tell they have had this conversation before.

“Ok, let’s get something straight, Sam and I are in charge. You stay behind us and you watch your back. It seems like there are more than we anticipated. We have to go in smart.” Dean said

“I’m ready.” you hoped you sounded more confident than you felt.

Sam and Dean got low and started walking toward the farmhouse. Their footsteps were so quiet, you felt like you were making so much noise with your feet. You tried to copy their footsteps and the way they set their feet down and it seemed to help. Dean looked back at you and gave you a nod of approval. We got to the back door and Sam picked the lock so quick you were amazed. They had definitely done that before. The door slowly swung open and Dean went in first, followed by Sam. You tip toed in last hoping to not make too much noise. There was a vamp sitting at the table and Dean quickly chopped it’s head off. Another came around the corner and Sam got to that one before you could even blink. Watching them was insane. They were so good you could see now why you were attacked. They were like machines. Vamp heads all over the floor and you could feel the adrenaline rising in your body. Sam had his back to a door and a vamp was slowly creeping out. There’s no way he would see it in time, it was up to you. You swung your machete and the vamp didn’t see what was coming. Sam turned around as he heard the vamp fall.

“Thanks”, he said quietly with a smile.

You did it, and once you finally looked at the head you recognized the vamp. He was there that night, the night Sandy was killed. Your blood boiled and you wanted to kill him again and again. But he was already dead.

“Clear!” you heard Dean yell from the other room. And just like that it was over.

You slowly followed behind them as they walked back to the car. Your adrenaline was fading and the gravity of everything that happened today was clouding your mind. You killed a vampire. You got your revenge and yet you didn’t feel any better. Sandy was still gone, she wasn’t coming back. You tried to hold back the tears stinging your eyes, the brothers were walking ahead of you chatting about the hunt. You started walking slower and slower. You felt like your knees were going to give out. What would you do now? Where would you go? Finally you just gave up and sank to your knees, you felt the panic rising in your throat. Sandy always helped you ground yourself, without her here you didn’t know what to do. You started crying and struggling to breathe. The boys opened the trunk and were putting away their weapons when they noticed you were no longer following them. Sam turned and saw you first. They both rushed to your side to see what was wrong.

“Are you hurt?” Sam asked with concern in his voice.

But you couldn’t breathe much less answer him. You didn’t want to do this in front of them, they were strangers but you couldn’t keep yourself from hyperventilating. Dean came up and put his hands on your shoulders.

“Breathe in and out, we are right here. Match your breathing to mine. I won’t let you go”.

You stared into his eyes and after a few minutes your breathing finally slowed.

“Are you ok now?” Dean asked

“Sorry” you said not looking at either of them

“You don’t have to apologize, I just want to make sure you are ok.”

“I’m fine, thank you.”

“You want to tell us what that was all about?”

“No.” You got up and walked to the car, climbed in the back seat and just stared straight ahead. They wouldn’t understand. You were so mad at yourself, of course now they probably think I’m even weaker then before. Pathetic. Why couldn’t you just control it til you were alone. Stupid, stupid. You know what happens when your weak, when you let anyone see your weakness. They seemed different but you knew you couldn’t trust anyone.

“Want us to take you back to your car?” Sam asked when he got in the front seat.

“I don’t care, you can honestly drop me off anywhere. That car was on it’s last leg. I’d be surprised if it even starts. I’ll probably just find a bus station.”

“Where are you heading? Back home?” Dean asked, looking at you in the review mirror.

“I don’t have a home, I lived with Sandy. Her parents paid for the apartment. They kicked me out after she was killed. Her dad said he wished I was the one who died instead of her. He was right. She was amazing, her family loved her. I’m just a no one, with no one.” Shit too much, just shut up already. They don’t need to hear about your problems. They’ve already helped you enough. “Actually yeah, please just take me to my car.”

“Ok, your friend’s dad is an ass by the way.” Dean said.

The car ride was filled with awkward silence until you got back to your car. “Well thank you both for your help, I really appreciate it.” You climbed out of the car and got your bag and weapons. You didn’t wait for a response before you closed the door and climbed in the driver’s seat of your car. You put the key in the ignition and turned it. Fuck, just as you thought, it wasn’t starting. You tried again and again with no luck. You looked in your review mirror and saw the impala was still parked behind you. What are they still doing here you thought. Just then there was a knock at your window. It was Dean.

“Looks like you were right, do you have somewhere to stay for tonight?”

“I figured I would just find a motel or something. You can go, really. I’m fine.”

“Well we already have a room at a motel here. If you want we can give you a ride and you can get a room at the same motel as us.”

How were you going to tell him you didn’t have money for a motel. You spent everything you had searching for the nest.

“No thank you, I’m fine.”

“Really, it’s no big deal. Your car obviously isn’t moving anywhere and the motel is pretty far to walk”.

“No really, I will be fine”.

“Well I can’t in good conscience leave you here with no vehicle. It’s getting late and this isn’t the best neighborhood.”

Fuck, he was gonna make you say it wasn’t he. “I don’t have any money ok! Now will you please go, I’m just gonna sleep in my car.” You turned away so he couldn’t see the embarrassment on your face.

“I’m not leaving you here, just get in my car ok? Let’s go, we have a room, you can stay with us.”

“What do I have to do?” you questioned. You’ve already learned the hard way nothing in life is free.

“Nothing, what do you mean?”

“You know, as payment for staying with you?”

“Are you serious? Nothing, we don’t want anything from you. We are just trying to help you.” He seemed offended by your question. “We have something called integrity.”

“Ok, but just for one night. Thank you.” You got out of your car but you couldn’t look him in the eye. You gathered your few belongings and walked back to his car. He opened the back door for you and closed it, then climbed in the driver’s seat.

“Everything ok?” Sam asked.

“It’s fine.” Dean said curtly. You could tell he was mad.

The ride to the motel seemed even quieter than the ride to your car. Sam kept looking at Dean, you could tell he was trying to figure out what was bothering him.

“Here we are”, Sam said, “Home sweet motel”.

The room had 2 queen beds and a couch. It looked like they had been there a few days. You quietly set your stuff down on the couch and sat down. You could tell that you were sitting there completely rigid, you kept telling yourself to relax. Everything was fine. It had been so long since you had been in a room with a man without being blackout drunk. You couldn’t help but remember the last time. Before Sandy saved you. You could feel your heart start to race again but you couldn’t break down again. Be strong.

“I’m going to go get some food and beer,” Sam said “Anything particular you drink y/n?” he asked.

“Anything’s is fine, thank you.”

He walked out the door leaving you and Dean alone in the room. You walked over to the sink to get some water, Dean followed behind and went to the fridge to grab a beer. You could tell he was still upset by your questions but you had to be sure. You sat back down on the couch and Dean sat next to you. He reached for the bandage on your neck and you flinched. You couldn’t help it, it was just a reflex but you could see the hurt look on his face.

“Jesus, I am just changing your bandage. Are you really that scared of me, what kind of person do you think I am!”

“I’m sorry. Before you put another bandage on do you mind if I take a shower?” you said quietly, something you usually did when someone was angry. Make yourself as small and quiet as you can, don’t draw attention.

“Of course I don’t mind and for fuck’s sake stop apologizing! I’m going for a walk.” And with that he walked out the door.

You made your way into the bathroom and turned on the shower steaming hot. After everything that happened today the shower felt like heaven. In here you were safe, you could let yourself cry and the tears would just meld in the with water. It had been days since your last shower and you could see all the dirt running down the drain. You stayed in for a long time just letting the water fall on you, til the hot water turned cold. You turned off the shower and you could hear Sam and Dean talking.

“I just don’t understand what I did to make her so afraid of me. Did she really think I would hurt her? I just wanted to check her bandage.”

“Dean, did you ever stop to think that it has nothing to do with you. When someone flinches like that it’s usually because someone has hurt them before. Think about it, her asking what we would charge to let her stay here, that thinking had to come from somewhere. Just give her space and let her get to know us.”

You quickly finished getting dressed and walked out of the bathroom to get your brush. Sam brought pizza back with him and it smelled so good. It had been a couple days since you ate.

“You hungry?” Sam asked with a bite of pizza in his mouth. “I didn’t know what you would like so I got a couple choices, help yourself.”

You grabbed a plate and checked to see what he got, pepperoni, perfect. You got a couple slices and sat at the table.

“Beer’s in the fridge,” Dean said

You got up and got a beer and sat back down. “Thank you.” you said. You took a bite of the pizza and it tasted amazing, you were so hungry you ate it faster than you should have. You looked up and saw Dean looking at you. Great I’m sure he thinks I’m a pig now, you thought. You took a few drinks of your beer before your thoughts could continue, definitely don’t need to spiral down right now. Just slow down and relax. You never were a fan of beer but it tasted so good going down you drank that a little fast too. You could already feel it making your head fuzzy. You always were a light weight. You finished eating and made your way to the couch. It was almost midnight and you could barely keep your eyes open.

“Goodnight, and thank you both again”. While you were in the shower they made a bed on the couch for you. You laid down and could barely keep your eyes open. Hopefully there would be no dreams tonight, please not tonight. You drifted off quickly, and you felt yourself sink into a dream.

You were running, always running. Hiding and footsteps, he found you, Run! Quick, go in there, hide. Don’t breathe, he will hear you. “Come on baby, I just want to talk!” He was close, you could hear him. Run, run, run…..then he’s there. Right in front of you, how did he get there so quick. “You know I love you, you can’t leave me”. He grabs your arm hard and you struggle to get away. “What did I say about running from me”. Your head jerked to the side as he slapped you, you felt dizzy. Then he was pulling you to the ground. “God I love you so much, why do you have to make me so mad”. No, not again, you struggle more and more. You can feel his hands on your arms, feel him shaking you.

“Y/n, wake up!”

Your breathing is getting faster and faster. You start trying to struggle more but he is so strong.

“Y/n!!! Please wake up!

You let out a scream as you woke up, you are covered in sweat and Dean is kneeling next to the couch.

“You’re ok, it was just a dream”.

Dean pulls you close and holds you tight while your breathing returns to normal. You pull away from him and Sam is standing there holding out a glass of water.

“Here drink this and take some deep breathes. Are you ok?” Sam asked.

“I’m fine, sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up”

“I told you to stop apologizing” Dean said brushing the hair out of your face.

“I know, sorry. I mean…..thank you.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Sam asked

“No, really I’m fine. I don’t even remember what I was dreaming about.” You were lying, it was always the same dream. “You guys can go back to sleep, I’ll be ok.”

They both got up and walked back to their beds. You laid back down on the couch, forcing yourself to stay awake. When morning came you gathered your stuff to leave. It was nice having somewhere to sleep, but you should probably be gone before they woke up. They had done enough for you. You slowly crept to the door.

“Sneaking out?” It was Dean, you thought he was still asleep.

“Yeah, thank you for everything.”

“Where are you going? You told me you don’t have any money, or family. You car is dead. What exactly is your plan?”

“I’m not sure yet. Just figured I’d hitchhike, I don’t know.”

“Well that’s stupid! Sam and I have a bunker, it has plenty of rooms and space. You could stay with us a while til you get back on your feet. You said you were gonna keep hunting, we have lore books on everything. We could teach you more about it. What kills what, how to fight. Things like that.”

“I couldn’t impose, you have already done enough for me.”

“I’m not doing it for you, I couldn’t live with myself if you went out there unprepared and got yourself killed.”

“I wouldn’t be able to pay rent or anything.”

“We don’t pay rent, or utilities. We set up fake credit cards to pay for everything we need. We can set you up some too. You can use it to buy whatever you want.”

“Why are you helping me? You don’t know me, we’ve only met once before this.”

“Because, starting out as a hunter is hard work, and we can teach you, train you. I think it would be good for all of us.”

“Ok, but just for a little while.”

After driving most of the day you finally arrived at their hidden bunker. It was amazing, so many books and cool weapons. You didn’t know where to look next. Everything looked so amazing.

“Dean why don’t you give her the tour, I’m gonna go unpack.”

“Follow me” Dean said with a smile.

This place had everything, a shooting range, a huge garage, more books than you could have imagined. They were right, they definitely had a good thing here. You followed him to the kitchen where he opened the fridge.

“Beer?” he said with a smile.

“No thank you,” you smiled back. You couldn’t help it, his smile was so infectious.

He finally showed you to your new room. It was very clean and big. You set your stuff down on the bed and turned to thank him again. He held up his hand before you could start, “No need to thank me. I’ll let you get settled. If you need anything our rooms are just down the hall.”

You closed the door and sat on the bed. This felt like the start of something good. Maybe you could be happy here.

Days passed and the boys both worked on helping you. Dean trained you on fighting and weapons, Sam showed you how to hack traffic cams and taught you about lore. You took turns cooking, and cleaning. It felt like what you had with Sandy, it felt like home. After a few months of training you went on a hunt with the boys, a ghost. It was intense but everyone made it through fine. You went on more and more hunts with them. And when you were home in the bunker you felt safe. Sam was like a big brother to you, you guys would read the lore books and watch movies. All 3 of you would hit the local bars just have fun. Sometimes they would go off on a hunt and leave you alone at the bunker. You didn’t mind. The quiet was nice sometimes. Months passed and one day it happened. You were training with Dean practicing take downs, you had been trying to take him down but he was too fast. You tried again and again and then you did it. Sure he was a little hungover but you still took him down. You were so excited you leaned down and kissed him.

“I’m so sorry.” You said, “I don’t know where that came from.”

“I told you to stop apologizing” he smiled as he reached up and kissed you. It was slow and sweet and you never wanted it to end.

You got closer and closer with Dean, but you could never let it go passed a certain point. You knew he would get tired of waiting eventually, just suck it up. It’s not that big of a deal. You decided that tonight would be the night, just get it over with. It’s not like you didn’t want to, it’s just you hadn’t been with anyone since your ex, unless you were plastered drunk. Drunk enough to barely remember but you didn’t want it to be that way with Dean. Sam took off to see a movie and you and Dean had the bunker to yourselves. You were snuggling on the couch and watching a movie, you started kissing and the kisses got deeper and longer. The movie forgotten. You pushed him back a little and stood up.

“I’m sorry y/n,” he said, “I got a little carried away.”

“No, it’s fine. I was gonna see if you wanted to go to my room.”

“As long as your ok with it, I would love to.”

He got up and took your hand, leading you down the hall. He opened your bedroom door and you went in first. You were growing more and more nervous. You laid down on the bed and he laid next to you. You rolled over to your back and he got on top of you kissing you slowly, moving down your neck. You turned your head and shut your eyes. Trying to keep your mind in the present. Not let it drag you back, but you couldn’t stay there long. Your mind went straight to the last time you were in bed with a man. Your ex. Dean noticed something had changed with you and he got off you and laid down next to you.

“Where did you go y/n? Was it something I did, if your not ready, I can wait .”

And just like that the tears started rolling down your cheeks.

“I’m so sorry,” you said between sobs. “I don’t want you to get bored with me, I thought if I could just get it over with everything would be better.”

“I don’t want this to be something you just get over with. I won’t get bored. You are an amazing person and I am so happy that you came into my life. I would wait forever for you and never get bored. I want you to be happy with me too. I wish you would talk to me about what you’ve been through. Maybe if you let it out you would start to heal finally.”

“I can’t, I couldn’t stand to see the look of disgust on your face. Or the pity. Or you looking at me like I am the weakest person alive.”

“I would never think that, don’t you trust me after all this time. You could tell me anything and I would never judge you or think anything bad about you.”

Hearing this you started crying, and you couldn’t stop. He held you while you cried for what seemed like hours. And finally when you felt all cried out and the hickups stopped, you decided to tell him everything. You told him about your ex and how you were 15 when you met and he was 18. You told him that your father left when you were a baby and you never saw him again. You were stupid and liked the attention you got from an older guy. He seemed sweet at first, treating you like you a queen. He was even willing to wait to have sex til you were ready. It was after your first time that things changed. He was usually on drugs more and more and he would come over unannounced. Your mom was a hoarder and with there barely being any room to walk she really didn’t care if he was there. As long as he didn’t mess with her stuff . She even let him spend the night because she said she trusted him. It was there in my room with the door open for my mom to hear that he raped me for the first time. You told your ex you didn’t want your mom to know you were having sex and you wouldn’t do it with her in the next room. He didn’t care and forced himself inside you. That was the first but not the last time. You told Dean that after being with him for almost 3 years you moved in with him after graduation. It was there in your tiny apartment that he hit you for the first time. He was really drunk and mad that you weren’t in the mood for sex. After he hit you he forced himself inside you again. Then it became the norm. You didn’t want to make him mad so you just stopped saying no. You laid there while he did whatever and it started to hurt every time. You never wanted to have sex with him anymore, so you were never even slightly turned on. He was usually drunk and took forever to finish, if he finished at all. And the pain would get so bad that you cried. Then your ex told you that your crying turned him on even more. After a few months of that you tried to leave, he choked you and slammed you again the wall. Then next time, he tried to throw you off the balcony of the apartment. That’s when Sandy saved you. She had a new apartment that he didn’t know about and while he was out partying with friends, she came and helped you gather everything you could and you left with her. And never went back. That was why she meant so much to you. That was why you were willing to die to hunt down the vampires that killed you. You finally raised your eye to meet Dean’s and you saw tears streaming down his face. He didn’t say anything, he just held you close and kissed your head. He laid down on the bed and brought you down with him.

“I’m just gonna lay here and hold you if that’s ok?” Dean asked.

“I would really like that.”

He was right, it did feel good to talk to someone about it finally. And he didn’t treat you any differently. You took turns sleeping in each other’s beds just snuggling all night. Then one night, just laying there you felt that you were ready. Not to just get it over with, but because you trusted Dean more than anyone since Sandy died. He was reading a book while you laid on his chest. You sat up and took the book away from him setting it on the night stand. You climbed on top of him and kissed him slowly. He raised his hands to your hips and kissed you back. God he was great at kissing. You felt a part of yourself coming back to life you thought was long since dead. You sat up and slowly took off your shirt.

“You are so beautiful.” he said and you felt you heart flutter. You leaned down and kissed him more. You reached for the bottom of his shirt and slowly tried to lift it over his head, but the way he was laying made it impossible to get off. You giggled and he smiled at you sitting up. He pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it to the side. Then he laid back down.

“Do you want to be on top?” you asked.

“No, I want you to be in charge of everything. Take it at your own speed.”

You stood up and slowly pulled down your pajama pants. And climbed back on top of him. You were kissing him again and slowly circling your hips over him. You could feel the bulge in his pants pressing against you and it turned you on even more. You slowly pulled his pajama pants down and he kicked them off. Now you were both in just your underwear. You noticed him looking at the scars on your thighs but he didn’t question them. He just looked back up at you. You kissed him more and more moving to his neck, he groaned a little when you nipped at his neck. You felt so in control that you could barely wait. You reached back and unbuckled your bra and tossed it to the side.

“Ahh those are lovely, may I?” he asked staring at your chest with his mouth open.

“Mmmhmm” you uttered and that was all he needed. He sat up and slowly raised his mouth to one breast, then the other. Gently sucking on them and making your nipples harder by the second. You could feel yourself getting wetter and wetter. You got up on your knees higher and slid your underwear down and sliding his boxers down right after. He laid back down with his hand still on your breasts and you slowly eased him into you. It was unlike anything you ever felt. It was like fireworks going off. You started moving faster and faster. Your heart was racing faster and faster. You felt something you never felt before, it was building and building and building until finally you felt like you exploded all over Dean. You were shaking and you felt him cum a few seconds later.

“Holy crap” Dean said. “That was amazing!”

“Was that ok?” you asked breathing heavy “I think I exploded on you or something. That was weird and also insanely amazing.”

“Are you telling me that was your first orgasm?” he chuckled.

“Is that what that was? Yep that has definitely never happened before. But I definitely want it to happen again!”

“You are amazing, I love you.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me, I have known that I love you for a while but I didn’t want to scare you off.”

“I love you too.”

After that first time it got better and better. Dean could do things to your body that you didn’t know were possible. You and him did it just about everywhere in the bunker. It was awkward when you thought Sam would be gone longer and he caught you guys in the kitchen.

“Geez guys come on, we cook in here!” Sam turned and quickly left while you and Dean started giggling.

More time passed and you were getting closer and closer to the boys. More hunts except now you and Dean got your own room at motels. Everything seemed like it was gonna be perfect forever. You should have known with your luck that wasn’t in the cards. Sam caught a case near your hometown where your ex lived still. Last you heard he was in jail for drugs but it didn’t stop the panicked feeling in your chest. The closer you got the more scared you were. Dean was watching you in the mirror. He knew something was wrong.

“Talk to us y/n, what’s going on with you? Is it something about this hunt?”

You didn’t want to sound like a drama queen, you knew they would never think that about you but it isn’t always easy to shut down those thoughts in your head.

“It’s just we are close to my hometown.”

“Oh is there anyone in town you want to visit while we are nearby?”

“No! Sorry, no. Last I heard my ex moved back there but I also heard he went to jail. Just makes my anxious to be so close.”

“Want us to turn around and take you home? Or I could drop Sam off to get started and then take you home?”

“No, I’m fine. Like I said he’s probably in jail and there’s no reason for him to be in this town. Everything will be fine. There’s a motel right down this street we can stay at.”

We pulled up to the motel and Sam booked us 2 rooms. You saw the clerk at the front desk, it was one of your ex’s friends. You turned your head away quickly hoping he wouldn’t recognize you. Then Sam got back in and Dean pulled around to park in front of your rooms.

“Lets get some food and get started first thing in the morning.” Dean said.

“Sounds good.” said Sam. “I’m gonna drop my bags off in my room and I’ll meet you guys back here in about 10 min.”

You and Dean walked into your room and put your bags down. You could feel the panic getting worse especially since you saw your ex’s friend. But everything was fine. Dean was here and he wouldn’t let anything happen to you. You guys met Sam at the car and went to a local Mexican restaurant. And yet again, you saw someone else you knew. One of the waitresses went to high school with you.

“Y/n? How are you, it’s been forever?” she said.

“I’m doing great, just stopping through. This is my boyfriend Dean and his brother Sam.”

“Nice to meet you. Listen I’ve got to get back to my tables but I hope to see you again soon.”

She left and your waiter came by to take your orders. After dinner you guy went back to the motel for the night. Sam went to bed and Dean had fallen asleep watching TV a while ago. You couldn’t sleep. You were feeling too anxious and hot. So you went to get some ice water. Great, out of ice. You grabbed the ice bucket and the key and went outside to get some ice. You were almost to the ice machine when you felt a hand grab you around the mouth. You were being pulled down the street and then the man pulling you spoke. It was him. Your ex. He found you.

“Did you think you could hide from me forever, Mark called me as soon as he saw you pull up with those ass holes.” He put his other hand around your neck and smelled your hair. “I’ve missed you. You belong with me.”

You knew how to fight, so why were you paralyzed with terror? He pulled you down the street further towards an abandoned house. You realizing what was happening finally started fighting but it was too late. He was too strong and he forced you in the house. He let go of your neck to close the door and you turned around and kicked him hard in the shin. He backhanded you and you fell to the floor. You scratched at his face and he slammed your head into the ground again and again until you passed out. You woke up with your hands tied and a gag in your mouth. He had removed your clothes while you were unconscious and you couldn’t do anything but lay there.

“I could have started while you were out but I always did love the look of pain on your face. And since you denied me all this time I just had to see it again.”

You tried to kick your legs and close them shut, anything to stop him but he just dug his fingers into your legs to pry them open. He pulled down his pants and climbed on top of you. You were screaming against the gag and he punched you. You could feel blood dripping down your face from a cut by your eye.

“I’m gonna take my time and teach you a lesson for leaving me”

You shut your eyes and turned your head. It had been so long since you had to go to that place in your head but you found you way back. Be anywhere but here. Anywhere else. Just as you could feel him start to press himself against you his weight disappeared from on top of you. You opened your eyes and saw Dean punching him over and over. Sam was next to you covering you with his jacket, then he used his knife to cut you free. You removed the gag and sat there while Dean we hitting him. Then when he fell to the floor Dean started kicking him.

“Dean! That’s enough, you’re going to kill him. We don’t kill people.” Sam said. He was hugging you and trying to get through to Dean.

“He’s not a human, he’s a monster! Did you see!” He punched him again. “He was hurting her!” He punched him again.

Dean got up breathing heavy and made his way to you to see how you were.

“I see the whore’s got you wrapped around her finger” you ex said as he spit out blood.

Dean kicked him once more in the ribs before coming back over to you.

“We should call the police, there’s clearly enough evidence to convict him.” Sam said.

Just then your ex reached behind him and pulled a gun out of his waistband. It was aimed right at you. Before he could get a shot off, Sam pulled his gun and fired. He was dead before he hit the ground. A wave of relief washed over you. You were free. He would never find you or hurt you again.

“Are you ok?” Dean asked pulling you into his arms. He took off his shirt and gave it to you. “look at your face! I can’t believe he hurt you. How did he know where you were?”

“The clerk at the motel was his friend. He called him as soon as he saw me in your car. I couldn’t sleep and left to get some ice. How did you find me? You were asleep when I left.”

“I heard the door and noticed you were gone. I waited for you to come back and when you didn’t I went looking for you. I saw the ice bucket on the ground and woke up Sam. We could see drag marks in the dirt and followed the trail. I was just hoping we found you in time. I’m so sorry I wasn’t here sooner.”

“Thank you for finding me. I was so scared. I know how to fight but when I heard his voice, I froze. I should have fought back harder. Tried to get away.”

“Don’t think like that, it isn’t your fault. He was a monster, let’s get you out of here.”

Dean picked you up and carried you back to the motel.

“I’m going to leave you in the room and go have a talk with the clerk.”

“I’ll take care of it Dean, you stay with y/n.” Sam said. “I love you too y/n, your like a sister to me and that guy is gonna pay for setting you up like that.”

“Are you going to kill him?” You asked.

“No, but he’s definitely gonna feel some pain for helping to hurt you.”

Sam left the room and Dean set you down on the bed.

“I need a shower.” you told Dean.

“Let me help you. I want to make sure you aren’t hurt anywhere.”

He turned on the shower as you slowly took Sam’s jacket and Dean’s shirt off. Dean looked at you and you saw his eyes darken at the sight of you.

“That bad huh?” you asked and looked at yourself in the mirror. You had a cut by your eye, a bruised cheek, bruises on your neck and arms. There were also bruises on your thighs and scrapes and bruises on your back. There was also a gash on the back of your head that might need stitches.

“I should take you to the hospital, I think you need stitches and your cheek bone could be broken.”

“No, I’ll be fine. You can stitch me up and if my cheek is bothering me in the morning I’ll go get an xray. I just want to get cleaned up. You stepped into the shower and scrubbed your skin raw. You desperately wanted to get every trace of your ex off you. It was just like your nightmares but this time it was real. But he was dead. Gone forever, and you couldn’t be happier about that. You finished up in the shower and Dean was waiting for you with a glass of whiskey. You downed it in one drink and he poured you another.

“It looks like you only need a few stitches but its gonna hurt. Sam is gonna come by, he is better at stitching then me and I can’t stand the thought of hurting you.”

Just then Sam walked in the door his knuckles looked bruised and bloody. You didn’t even ask. Dean poured you another glass and you were starting to feel it.

“Are you ok?” Sam asked kneeling down in front of your chair.

“I’ll live.” you told him.

“I’m gonna get started on your stitches, I’ll try to be as quick as possible.”

Dean took Sam’s place kneeling in front of you and held your hand while Sam stitched the gash in your head. You gasped at the pain but you didn’t move. You’ve lived through more pain that this and it was done faster than you think.

“How’s that? Does it feel ok?” Sam asked.

“Yes, thank you. “

“You never have to thank me. I’m just glad we found you. I’m gonna head back to my room and let you guys get some sleep. Dean is gonna drive you back to the bunker tomorrow and I’ll stay here and work the case.”

“You don’t have to do that, I’ll be fine. You guys work the case and I’ll just stay her in the motel. People are dying here. We have to do something.”

“Spoken like a true Winchester.” Sam said. “Alright, well I’ll see you guys in the morning.”

The next day they left to work the case and you were alone. But you didn’t feel panicked about being alone. You didn’t have to worry anymore. You had a family who loved you. And you were finally free.

[haveyouseenmymind]

Together in Love

So like I promise you’re getting the morning after Absolutely in Love today. :) I hope you like the resolution, cause I really had fun with this little series and in the end I’m glad that Jim got his happy end.

And omg, I just realized that I finally finished a series! Seems like wonders will never cease.

Also, chances are high, that this is going to be the last thing I’m going to post in the next two weeks.

Fandom: Star Trek AOS

Pairing: McKirk

Rating: Gen

Warnings: hangover

Words: 2073

It’s the morning after Jim’s love confession, and they have to talk about things now.

Not in Love

Absolutely in Love

The next morning Jim is woken up by someone insistently shaking his shoulder. He’s not quite willed to give into being fully awake, cause he feels too comfortable, as he’s pressed into a warm body.

But the shaking won’t stop, and so Jim reluctantly opens his eyes, only to be greeted by the sight of Bones scowling at him. Jim finally becomes aware of himself, and the next thing he realizes is that apparently he had moved closer to the other man during the night. That’s at least what their tangled legs, and him clinging to Bones like an octopus tell him.

After that it takes only a moment for him to remember last night. He’d like to be more smug about it, but as soon as he has made more than two connected thoughts, the headache trying to split his head open reminds him, why exactly drinking your feelings away is a bad decision.

He’s never going to drink another drop of alcohol again. Ever.

So yeah, he’s happy to be snuggled up against Bones, but he’s also suffering.

It seems like the brunet isn’t as happy as Jim about their sleeping arrangement. He may have stopped with the shaking, for which Jim’s queasy stomach is really thankful, but now he’s trying to shove Jim away from him.

“God dammit, kid let me get up. Jesus, you’re like a living furnace.”

Jim is more than unhappy about this development, and so he shuffles back closer to Bones, whining as he nuzzles his face into the other man’s neck.

But Bones is having none of it and shoves Jim away again, this time more vehemently. Unfortunately, he doesn’t consider his own strength and shoves Jim too far, so that he poor blond lands on the edge of the bed.

He desperately tries to keep his balance, to stay in the bed, but it’s a fight lost before it has even begun. And so Jim falls over the edge, takes the blanket with him and lands gracelessly on his ass. His stomach revolts, and he has to try really hard not to empty its content all over the floor. Did he mention that he’s never going to drink again? 

While Jim is busy trying to get his stomach under control and his cool back, Bones sits up abruptly, and looks down at him in shock.

“Shit, Jim! Are you ok?”

Jim just groans and gives up finding his dignity. He has probably lost it last night in his last beer.

“Boones! Whyyy?”

And yes, Jim is whining again. In his mind he has every right to do so, cause that was really rude and plainly unnecessary. He puts on his best pout and stares at his friend in utter betrayal.

“Really Bones, is this how you treat someone who declared their undying love for you? Rude.”

It seems to work, at least for a moment, cause Jim can see a flash of guilt in Bones face, right before he surpresses his emotions again and becomes cautious.

“So you remember last night?”

“Of course I do? Why shouldn’t I?”

Bones sighs and scrubs a hand over his face.

“Dunno, with all the alcohol you drank yesterday…”

When he looks back at Jim, the blond suddenly realizes how tired Bones looks. And the amazing bedhead he’s sporting. He’s a sight for the gods, with the chaotic nest of brown and the few strands that are trying to escape from being swallowed back into it.

Jim really wants to run his fingers through it, to feel if it’s as soft as it looks. But Bones moves his own hand towards his revolting hair before Jim can do anything. He strokes through it, tries to untangle the strands that cling together, and Jim starts pouting again. Not only is Bones doing what he wants, he’s also absent with his mind, which means he’s not paying attention to Jim.

The blond absolutely can’t have that. So he untangles the blanket from his legs and leans up to crawl back on the bed next to Bones.

Finally, the brunet looks at him again. Jim’s eyes fall on his lips, and he suddenly realizes how much he’d like to kiss him again. His head’s still pounding, but he ignores it, concentrating on leaning into Bones to claim another kiss.

But his friend stops him right in the middle, puts his fingers on Jim’s mouth and looks at him with a serious expression. Jim panics immediately, cause this can’t mean anything good.

“Bones! You said you’d believe me!”

Jim nearly chokes on his words, his heart beating frantically. This morning isn’t going as he expected it to, and now he’s fearing for the worst. This is exactly why he hadn’t wanted to tell Bones about his feelings. Why he hadn’t wanted to fall in love at all. But the brunet sees him panicking, and rolls his eyes at him.

“Calm down you infant. You smell like a brewery, so get a damn shower.”

Jim feels slightly reassured, but that doesn’t mean he’s happy now, as he’s grumbling about how this wasn’t part of the deal. Of course Bones hears him, and taps him on the nose when he snorts.

“Nothing of this is a deal, you idiot.”

He reaches down under the bed, and Jim can see him grab his medkit. Before Jim even has the chance to protest, Bones gets a hypo out and stabs it into his neck. To his embarrassment, the blond yelps and whines again.

“Bones! Why can’t I get any love here?”

But the other man just puts his hand where he just had stabbed Jim, to slightly massage the abused skin.

“That was for your hangover, you idiot. You should feel better in a while.”

Jim’s not listening any longer at what he says. He’s to busy trying not to melt under Bones’ nimble fingers, to distracted by the heavenly touch. So it’s no wonder that he protests when it stops, as Bones takes his hand away. He’s not proud of the amount of whining that has come out of his mouth already, and it’s not even lunch time.

Fuck, to what mess have love and Bones reduced him?

But Bones just laughs, so Jim can’t be too mad about it.

“Come on, Jim. Get in the shower, I’ll make some coffee in the meantime. After I had a cup, we can talk about what happened last night.”

So Jim gets out of the bed reluctantly, and shuffles into the bathroom. He hurries to get himself clean, since he doesn’t want to give Bones too much time to change his mind, so he uses the sonic shower, even though he would prefer some hot water.

At least he feels better now, his headache is nearly gone and the nausea has stopped, thanks to Bones’ magic hangover hypo.

All in all he doesn’t take more than ten minutes, hurries out to his cupboard to grab some new clothes. When he’s finally dressed, he doesn’t know how to go on from there. He’s unsure about what happens next, or about what should happen.

To be honest, he’s terrified, cause this has never happened to him before. He has never been in love before.

What is he supposed to do? What is he supposed to talk about? What if he’s doing this completely wrong? Or going to fuck up?

Maybe Bones will come to the conclusion that he doesn’t want Jim. That the blond’s just too much work to be worth it, and that in the end it’ll be the best for them to part ways.

Jim wouldn’t be able to live with that. If that’s the outcome, maybe pining forever would have been better. Sure, there’d always be a what if, but he wouldn’t also have been let down. And he could still cling to the dream of Bones loving him back, but that would be shattered the moment he ends their friendship.

Bones returns a while later to Jim still standing in the room, caught like a deer in headlights, lost in his thoughts.

“Jim? You with me, kid?”

The blond startles at the sudden noise, and can’t erase the fear from his face in time. Bones smiles at him softly and reaches him one of the two cups in his hands.

“Come on, let's sit down and get done with that talk.”

And with that he sits down on his bed, sips on his coffee, looking expectantly at Jim. Who still has no idea what to do. He feels so lost, but in the end he sits down on his own bed towards Bones. He’d prefer sitting next to the other man, to feel him close and lean into him, but he has a feeling that it wouldn’t be welcome.

For some minutes they just keep staring at each other, Bones repeatedly sipping on his coffee, while Jim’s rests forgotten in his own hands. He tries to figure out what Bones could be thinking, as the other man seems to be so collected and cautious. Maybe he regrets what had happened last night?

The silence becomes awkward, and Jim has no idea what to do about it. He’s out of his depth, needs Bones to lead him through whatever this is. Finally, when the brunet finishes his coffee and puts his mug down on the floor, the silence ends.

“Ok kid, you stay with what you said last night?”

Jim just nods, and so Bones goes on with a sigh.

“Fine. But seriously, don’t expect too much from me. I’ve got enough baggage from here to Georgia to last me through a lifetime. Love isn’t as easy as you expect it to be. It’s hard, exhausting and can become ugly really fast.”

Jim gets antsy, cause he still hasn’t got an answer to the one question that matters the most to him. If the answer is no, then there’s no more need to talk. He puts his mug down on the floor, he’s too nervous to stomach coffee now.

“But do you love me?”

Bones stops with his rambling, and stares at Jim disbelievingly, his eyebrow arching up nearly into his hairline.

“Of course I do, why else would we need to talk?”

Jim feels immediately relieved, lets out a shaky breath he hadn’t realized he was holding in.

“Fuck Bones, it’s not as if I can read minds.”

He starts to feel uncomfortable, as he’s not used to talk about his feelings, even hates it to a degree, but if he won’t do it now, he’ll probably loses any chance he has with Bones. So he keeps talking.

“And to be honest, I don’t know what to expect. It’s not as if have any idea what to do from here on. I’ve never been in love before, or did allow myself to come so far with someone. And do you think I don’t have any baggage? Seriously, I’m a Kirk, it comes all with the name.”

“You’ve never been in love?”

“Is that all you you took from what I said?”

Jim’s back to pouting, he knows it, but how can he not when Bones stares at him with that teasing grin? He turns his head down, doesn’t want Bones to catch him vulnerable. But it’s too late anyway, since Bones gets up from his bed, walks over to the blond and crouches down in front of him. He reaches up, takes Jim’s face in his hands and makes him look down at him. 

“So I’m the first person you ever told that you loved them?”

Jim suddenly realizes that his friend isn’t playing with him, if anything he seems to be touched. 

“You know, this makes me feel very special, darlin’.”

And Jim just can’t wait any longer, so he leans down and finally kisses Bones. It’s perfectly sweet, even better than the night before, and Jim never wants it to stop. But unfortunately they have to part at some point, since breathing still is an annoying necessity. Jim leans back, to look at Bones who’s smiling at him softly.

“What are we going to do now, Bones?”

“I’d say we keep going, looking where it’ll take us. It won’t be all sunshine the whole time, but if you’re still willing to try, we can work through it together.”

For Jim, this sounds like the best plan and more than he’d ever dreamed of. 

tags: @thevalesofanduin @medicatemedrmccoy @toosouthernforspace @reading-in-moonlight @feelmyroarrrr @0dannyphantom0 @eyeofdionysus @bsotstory @neon-green-bra @loststarlight @imoutofmyvulcanmind @fireboltrose7559 @ree923

McKirk: @joannaleemccoy

Non-reader: @mishacolyte

Star Trek: @theartofeheheh

this fic: @goingknowherewastaken

If anybody else wants to be added to or removed from my tag list, or has special wishes for being tagged, just let me know. :)

[ezzydean]

Okay so.  My main friend group right now consists mostly of my roommate, a few of our coworkers (now technically my ex-coworkers since I'm at a new store lol), and a few other mutual friends.  One of mine & Ashley's (the roommate) friends is also a coworker.  Well she's always bailing on our friend group events and always saying she'll be there and then just not showing up and she's always saying how she and Ashley and I need to get together and do a movie night and just hang out.

But every time she mentions the movie night to one of us we'll be like 'oh we're free this weekend' or 'well we have next Friday off' or something similar.  And then she says that she can't do it then because she already has plans.  Or we’ll be like ‘we’re gonna go to this fair/carnival/whatever’ and she says she wants to go too so we’re like ‘send us a message whenever you’re free and we can meet up somewhere and go together’ and she never messages us.

And we'll have friend group events that she'll mark on FB that she's going to and then just not show up.  Or she'll say that she has plans for the Friday event but will be there Saturday or has plans that morning but will be there in the afternoon.  And she never shows up.  Never sends a message that she's not coming.  She just... doesn't show.

(a lot more ranting under the cut)

We changed the date of our Palentine's Day party/outing so she could go to it (even though it kind of fucked up things for Ashley, whose bday we were also celebrating that night) and she just... didn't show up.  We were waiting to order at the restaurant we decided to try that night and had to text her to see what was going on and she 'just wasn't feeling up to socializing’ that night.  The night we had specifically rearranged so she could come because she made such a huge fuss over not being able to go in the first place.  (And then later that night she had snaps on her story about having a night in with wine & movies & pizza with some random friend of hers.)  Then the next day we went ice skating (which we had planned to do all along) for Ashley’s bday & just because we wanted to do it, she couldn’t go for whatever reason.  Then a few weeks later she made comments about how she wished she could go ice skating too and that it wasn’t fair we all always do stuff without her.

She got upset in the group chats we had this spring and said she didn't feel like part of the friend group because ‘no one ever responded to her’ or she'd get to the messages like 3 hours after the convo happened so she was out of the loop.

We had an ugly sweater party in January (which was also our friend Paul’s bday party sort of) and she showed up with her bff Taylor like an hour after the rest of us.  They stayed a couple hours and then left.  (99% of her 'plans' that are happening so she can't do stuff with us involve her driving up to the cities to see Taylor for the weekend.) St. Patrick’s Day.  Same thing.  She showed up like an hour later than most of the rest of us, with Taylor, stayed a couple hours, and then left.  Then (after both parties) when our friends would all be together later and joke about or laugh about something that happened at the party she would get irritated because she didn’t know what was going on.  (Because she left early.)

This summer we had a day & night out with a bunch of us for our friend Paul & his fiancee’s joint bachelor/bachelorette party.  We did paintball and then went out drinking.  The last bar we went to she spent almost the entire 2ish+ hours we were there off where we had no idea where she was because she was off talking with some other people she knew.  We were there for Paul & Tasha and she spent most of the time talking and hanging out and playing pool with other people.  Then (later that night and a few days later when we were talking about stuff that happened at the bar) she got upset because she didn’t know what was going on or like she was acting upset because one of our friends bought a round of shots and she never got to have one (and we told her that was because we had no idea where she was because she basically just vanished as soon as we walked in and then she got defensive about it.)  

We have friends who live across the hall from each other in an apartment building.  One night at some get together she was getting mad at Ashley and I because we weren’t going to bed yet and she stormed off across the hall to the other apartment and then was getting all mad cause she had no place to sleep cause the beds were spoken for and the couches were being used.  The next morning she came into the apartment Ashely and I stayed in and while I was in the bathroom she took over my spot on the floor where Ashley and I had made a blanket/pillow nest and went back to sleep, basically forcing me to lay on the floor with no pillows and one blanket.

Last month we went camping at our friend Paul's parents farm.  She wound up not showing up because she 'had to go celebrate with Taylor because she got a new job.'  Then she was saying a week or so later how we all needed to get together because she felt like she never got to see us anymore (cause she only works 2 nights a week at this job) and how she really wanted to go camping this summer and we all needed to do that.  Last weekend we went camping again.  We were gonna go the whole weekend but a lot of people couldn't make it Friday night (including her because she had plans with Taylor Friday for Taylor's bday but she said that she'd definitely make it Saturday) and we wound up just doing it Saturday night.  Her snapchat was filled Friday with stuff from her and Taylor and another friend going out.  Saturday it was them in CL (the town our store is at and a town that's like maybe an hour or so from where we were camping).  They were on a boat all day and then went to the bar Saturday night.

Ashley and I were tired of seeing that stuff on her snap story, just tired of seeing all the times she said she’d be at something with our friends and suddenly had plans she couldn’t get out of and then posting 15 snaps of her and Taylor out doing stuff.  (And then saying a week later how she never gets to see us and misses all of us and we never get to do anything together.)  So Ashley and I just deleted her from snapchat.  No big deal, no big fuss, no big call out or anything.  Just a simple delete (which it’s not like this friend ever snapped us anyway unless it was to complain about having to stay late at work.)

I had to stop in at my old store a few days ago and grab something and she was working and she was like ‘oh I feel like I never see you!  we need to get together!  we just need to plan a night to do something!  it feels like it’s been forever since I saw you!’ and I just nodded and said yeah it’s been awhile and left it at that.  (Like, come on, you could have seen me like 3 days go had you just SHOWN UP like you SAID you were GOING TO and not ditched us, yet again.)

Ashley also decided to delete her on Facebook.  Again.  No big fuss, no call out post or anything.  She wound up deleting over 100 people that day, just clearing out people she didn’t talk to anymore and the like.  (I didn’t delete this person on FB, mind you, just on snapchat.)  Last night, a week after her FB friend purge, Ashley gets a message from this friend that was just like ‘uh for some reason we’re not friends on FB anymore?’ at 11 at night.  Ashley was getting ready for bed so she didn’t respond (she just mentioned it to me in passing while we were both getting ready for bed) and figured she’d deal with it today.  Well today at like 9am we got a message in the group chat we had set up for us three that was like ‘ok can somebody explain to me what I did to make you guys no longer be my friend??’

And I just don’t even know how to respond.  Like.  No clue how to even approach this whole thing.  She constantly makes a big fuss over not getting to see any of us or not getting to hang out or come to friend events.  But it’s not our fault.  She gets invited to it all.  She just chooses not to show up or (more often than not) she chooses a different set of friends to hang out with.  And pretty much all of our group of friends feel like this too.  When we show up we’ll all look at each other and be like ‘oh is she coming to this?’ and we all just kind of shrug because we have no clue because she says she’s coming but she never does.  We’ve actually talked about how we don’t really feel like she actually wants to be our friend or hang out because she never bothers to show up to anything we do, whether it’s planned out months in advance or just a quick group chat an hour beforehand.

It’s just exhausting when it feels like we’re the ones putting all the effort into the friendship.  Especially when it feels like 99% of the time whatever any of us plan and invite her to and whatnot gets ignored anyway.

[scilessecretsanta]

Cowardly Confessions

Sciles Secret Santa gift for @static-abyss form @druidandwolfboy!

Cowardly Confessions

Stiles and Scott look up from the set of bags in the back of the jeep and at each other. Once the initial craziness of being back in existence started to subside looking at Scott was a whole new kind of strange. But now that school was over and these new challenges; “real world,” college, and impending adulthood was just on the other side of this last trip in Roscoe.

“Ok i get to drive to the airport but then after that he’s all yours … ” Stiles tenderly shut the back of the jeep and gave it a gentle pat.

“I still can’t believe you aren’t taking him with you … you love this thing more than … , i mean it helped … ”

There was a pause, there was always a pause when conversations veered too close to their last adventure with the paranormal. Things had seemed to settle into some final calm after the Wild Hunt took that crazy Nazi werewolf with them to … honestly who cares. The district took over the school finally and instituted some FBI assisted vetting measures, meanwhile unbenounced to most of the citizens, Deaton and a returned Derek and Braeden put a very concrete end to the Nemeton’s nonsense; and more publicly built a new very modern looking Hale mansion. Honestly the last semester of school passed in a quick blur of refreshing dullness as they got further and further away from the paranormal.

But now this pause, this pause had a new weight, it was Stiles last chance to fill in one of the pause that lingered from before … before everything

—

He blew it … of course he blew it …

But at least he had a back up plan, well more of a failsafe  … a coward’s last defense

Scott finally pulls his head up from the steering wheel of the jeep, the drive back from the airport wasn’t that long and ended at least an hour ago. The tears mostly ended about 15 minutes ago, but now the rest of his body was starting to assert it’s needs. At the very least a need to move into a more comfortable position to sulk in. he slumped back into the seat, he sagged away from the window and settled into a comfortable half sprawl across the bench seat of the jeep. From here he could also reach for the glove box, there was sure to be some kind of junk food in there!

There wasn’t, but there was a roll of duct tape and a letter.

Scotty,

If you are reading this i blew my last chance to tell you this face to face …

Look i know i’m not great at not being a sarcastic idiot about my feelings, and, well other people’s feelings. Add in the fact that the last time i tried to tell you this i disappeared from existence for a while … but now it’s very much “later” so it’s time to tell you …

I love you, i mean i know i tell you all the time, but this time, that time, all of the timei mean in the like Love you (notice the capital letter!) way …

So yea, that’s the thing i needed to tell you … the thing i spent most of that time in a magical train station having to work with Peter thinking about. God it was like my own personal hell. Trapped in my own head kicking myself for the latest in a long line of hiding how i actually feel about you, about everything, behind layers of attitude and sarcasm. And then the only person i find in that stupid place to help me is like the living embodiment of pointless sarcasm …

Then it was another clusterfuck of running around in the the dark saving a town that barely noticed us (thankfully honestly), and … and … and you never asked what i was going to tell you so i just … wet back to my human cowardly ways till it was too late. It was the last day of school and i still hadn’t told you.

And now here it is, we are meeting in like 3 hours to drive me to the airport. I have one last chance to tell you this before i fly across the country for school i’m not even excited about. And i’m so sure i’m going to blow it again i’m writing this …

Yes i Love you, i mean i’ve Loved you … forever it feels like. Maybe that’s why it’s so hard to tell you, it had been there so long that i didn’t realize how important it was till it was gone. Thanks to Theo and and that colossal cluster fuck of poor communication and supernatural assisted blundering we … broke up … ? Or whatever, and of course we fixed it … but i got so scared that i would just ruin us again, that i decided to tear up the Plan and get myself as far away from you and the rest of the people i loved that i kept hurting.

So really what i was going to say before “tell me later?” was this

“Scotty, i Love you, like 100% Love you but i’m a total disaster, even when i’m not possessed by a demon i’m still a raging asshole to you, to me, and everyone around us like 90% of the time, so i’m ditching the “let’s go to Davis together” plan and i’m gonna go to Georgetown in DC and try and figure out how to be a good person that actually deserves you.”

So that’s that, and that’s why i’m leaving you Roscoe, i’ve owned thia guy for years and i’ve never even learned how to actually take care of him. I just throw duct tape and attitude at it and he still works for me. he deserves better and i know you’ll take good care of him because you’ve always taken good care of me. You and your mom are better people than Beacon Hills deserve and i hope Davis know’s what it’s getting.

Love, love and i’m sorry

-Stiles-

——

Stiles,

I’m sorry this took so long to write. But this was important so i made sure to give it time. I’m sorry that meant leaving you hanging on your confession. To save you any more finger biting and nervous twitching i’ll start with this

I Love you too … capital letter and all …

And you aren’t a coward, or at least not anymore than i am, I maybe didn’t realize how strongly i felt till i felt it in others, there were days when i was with Alison that i couldn’t stop thinking about how it felt like i was cheating on you. But i was afraid to test you, i was afraid that if i popped the bubble of your fun jokes and telling me i’m the hot girl and … well i was afraid that if i asked the question then the whole thing would fall apart, so i never did.

And if you think your side of the Wild Hunt was bad … from the day you disappeared i had this ache, it took days before i started to figure out what it was … but when we realized what happened i knew why it felt so bad. We stood in the woods, all three of us and realized at the same time we missed some one we Loved, but at least they could say it out loud. I stayed behind in the woods and cried for an hour as these little shards of memory of you and what you meant to me started pouring back into my head.

I was so happy when it was all over, to just go back to the status quo, that i didn’t want to remind you of that day you disappeared, didn’t want to remind you that the last thing that happened to you before you vanished was your best friend blowing you off … and now that i know what you were going to tell me i feel like the coward. You knew something was coming and you tried to tell me not just something important but something that could have helped me find you, when i think about it i can see the feelings in your eyes, i can smell the scents i missed, i can see what i missed. I should have been able to sense how you were feeling and known it was more important than a “tell me later.”

So if you feel like you need to be sorry so do i.

Look neither of us are perfect, we are, as someone once told me “only human” i Loved you when the Demon controlling you had a sword in my chest, i loved you all through the Theo bullshit, and i will Love you through whatever nonsense you, me, or a demonic stump in the woods throws at us.

-Scotty-

PS: as far as Roscoe goes … he knows you love him too, and actually he’s been helping me reconnect with Derek, he’s much more sensible now that Bradeene is testing him for fatherhood-readiness. We’ve been slowly sorting out the duct tape nest that is the engine and he taught me how to paint it so he’s looking fresh. Derek doesn’t say hi, but he did make a slightly less angry rock face when i told him about … our new capital letter …

PPS: oh and Davis was actually ready for me, turns out they have a little “paranormal club” of their own. One of the professors knows Deaton and he warned them they were about to get a True Alpha … they threw me a welcome party!

—

Scotty!

Awesome! So much awesome!

I’ll cop to being a bit of a brat and making you wait to get this before i call you but if my timing is right and my connections to local government as strong as i think they are i should be calling you about an hour after you get this. (remind me to thank your Mail Carrier Donna … )

We are both dumb idiot cowards! But considering what we went through to get here i’m just gonna say we were saving all our heroics to keep from … you know … dying(and worse!). maybe this is our reward for putting up with all that, and if that’s what it took to get to here i’m ok with that (… well no i will forever bitch about many parts of all of that bullshit.)

As much as things already feel different beyond just the lack of impending doom and being apart from you (and Roscoe!) for so long, and finally for non-magic reasons! i know things will change after this phone call. Now when i say i love you in the middle of a fight about anything from Mario Kart to monster bat demons i’ll know you understand what i mean, that you’ve always understood what i meant. Even better now i know that in those times when i want our hugs to go further, our sleep overs to get a lot more … adult-y that i can make that happen. All i need to do is use my words and just tell you.

Ok i don’t want to drag this out too long, you’ve got a phone call to get ready for … and so do I. i’ll be home for thanksgiving in a few weeks, and then winter break! I can’t wait to actually see you in person again!

Love !

-S-

PS: you let Derek near my Roscoe!!! Kidding, the way that dude loves his Camaro i trust him with the engine of my poor chariot. I can’t wait to see what he looks like! I miss him so much, Georgetown is actually working out well (see below) but i think i need my Roscoe back … January road trip to DC you me and the sexiest Jeep in history?

PPS: thanks for asking your new friends about DC, there is a little “pack” at our school too. No actual wolves but there are a few druids, two warebears (one of whom is basically a bear even when he’s not shifted), and of course some witches, they are excited to have their first “human” though i think i’m going to study with the druids, finally, i wish i’d learned more from Deaton when i had the chance!

PPPS: so i’m just gonna throw this out here now because i know that if i try and say anything about it on the phone later it’s just gonna be silence and crazy sounding giggles. But in addition to the capital letter we are adding on to things … i’m very excited about the more um, intimate developments so for the record i have been looking forward to having non imaginary sex with you. And yes … yes i’ve had A LOT of imaginary sex with you … which we should talk about … because if you thought i was a brat before … well lets just say that at least 50% of the imaginary times involve me getting a spanking for something … there now you have a sure fire way to get me to blush and shut up on the phone in … maybe 20 minutes?

—

Stiles,

If i’ve timed this right … kidding, i know i stuck it in the textbook you said you needed to read on your flight so unless you skipped doing your homework …

It took us a long time to get here … and i think we are better for some of the stops we took along the way to get here, i know Malia and Lydia are happy for us and i’m sure Alison would have been too (Isaac just laughed and then tried not to look a little jealous when we Skyped). And i’m glad Georgetown is working out, i Love you but sometimes you can plan too hard and forget that not everything needs to be a puzzle. If anything i think this is a good way for us to start this new stage of our relationship. We both have lots of studying to do in both the real world and the magical one and i’m sure if we were closer we would get … distracted.

I don’t know what’s next for either of us, and that’s kind of been the most freeing part of the last few months. Ever since that night i followed you into the woods our lives have been determined mostly by other people, now it feels like the two of us are onto something new and are for the first time in control of where we are going, or at least learning how to be. I’m really looking forward to our road trip (and not just for various assorted … sexy reasons) i’ve been making lists of packs and druids to meet along the way, and yes i got the invites to the 14 spreadsheets of other university magic and supernatural clubs, UFO sightings, national parks, “mystery spots,” and a few other i’m just not gonna look at (and you used to call me the nerdy one!).

After years stuck in a small town that seemed like it just wanted to kill me i don’t even know how to really process what my life is right now, thank you for being there for me, keeping me human when i needed to be, and reminding me how strong i can be … and for using up all your bravery running face first into danger with me even if it mean you didn’t have any left to tell me what we both should have known anyway …

-Scott-

PS: Derek says Roscoe should be ready for a January road trip … he says he needs to teach you a few things before he’ll trust you to drive it again. But don’t worry he knows that whatever happens we are going on our road trip … all i really have to do is start telling him what we’re gonna get up to in those roadside motels and he gets all grossed out and walks away.

PPS: yea i feel like if we’d ever had a moment of rest in High School we could have made for a really well organized pack, we just kept learching from one disaster to the next so we only really got to learn what we had to and not any of the other things that might have come in handy. Or any of the fun perks of living in this alternate reality.

PPPS: oh Stiles, you should hopefully be more directly aware of this by now … but i too have had lots and lots of imaginary sex with you, and yes the paddle has come out a few times, though i’ve got a few surprise accessories of my own. Oh and i’ve already been scouting out some good roadside motels for our trip … maybe for Christmas i’ll get us some of our own non imaginary toys to keep us entertained in those cheap motels …

-The End-

[thelemoncollection]

Today is the 28th of April, but it's nearly 30 minutes past midnight. So the day was Monday the 27th, and I'm realizing I last wrote about a week ago? Feels like a month.

211,663 people have died from the virus. We're still quarantined but there's talk of opening up the economy in the next few weeks. Lots of businesses will be opened by May. So many more deaths to come. And sooner at that, given the politics of it all. This blood is on Trump's and the GOP's hands. Emma described it today as global trauma.

I find myself struggling to articulate well lately. I notice it best when I'm on video chat with Syd, or trying to explain something I learned about vet med to Mik. I find myself grasping for vocabulary and getting lost mid sentence. Like I'm drunk but there's no buzz. Like I'm tired, but all I do is sleep. I spent the night yesterday with Mik and I woke up spooning her tightly. The feeling of her soft hips at my fingers, or when she rolls over, the stiff fringe of her bangs brushing against my lips, her breath on my neck. I could die there. It's been hot outside lately, she voiced that she remembers how shitty it is when the summer gets warm. Dewy sunshine is priceless, but the heat of the night... I understand why people "cuff" in the wintertime. Last summer I slept with a lot of women, and honestly the heat was a lovely excuse to get naked. So maybe it wont be that bad. But nothing beats snuggling up to Mik on a cold night, to lap at the warmth of her, or to share my heat against her pale porcelain skin like a bird nesting against the cool surface of her egg. Here I am rambling on again. I'm quite tired tonight. I started my period this morning, an hour after waking up with cramps. I put on my jeans to leave Mik's place and felt myself get wet with blood again the seamline. She leant me a pair of sweatpants and brought me my backpack. She gave me coffee and kissed me with a caffeinated tongue. She tastes so good even in the morning. The night before, Sunday night, we made love. I'd been thirsting hard for her the past few days, feeling like a goddamn cat in heat. I told her a few days prior to Sunday how much I wanted sex, but I was tired that day. She was tired that day. She attributed it to work being stressful. Which I have no doubt it is. But frequent headaches... work stress.... school stress. For some reason, even though I now know we had sex on th 15th, which was a little over a week from when we had sex again... it felt like forever? All I do is talk about sex on here. But how can a girl who has the privilege to date a girl that sexy not think about sex all the time.... shit, I find myself staring at her lips and wishing I could suffocate on them. She's so fucking beautiful I can't stand it sometimes. I just collapse into myself. Here i am yowling again like an intact alleycat. I can't help myself. She makes me so wet just looking at her. Last night she let me go down on her and she rode my face hard. To feel her deep on my finger while her lips rock against mine, is ecstasy. Hearing her moan as she get close to climax nearly makes me cum from just listening. She likes using the big blue cock, she suggested to fuck me from behind. I ask her if it turns her on, but she gave me an answer like "it's really fun" and that wasn't convincing enough for me. I'd rather do her sitting up and watch her make faces while she watches me ride her. Gives me better assurance that she's having a good time. I was nervous about having sex since my foul remark I made last time, in the shower. Nervous she'd be scared of me. Or hesitate. I made sure to love on her long enough before asking to go down on her last night. I hope it helped. When I asked if she was ok with me making my way south she gave an enthusiastic yes so that's a good thing. The day or so before hand when we were talking about sex, we shared a long discussion about initiation and consent. I shared my concerns about getting confident consent from her while still being the pursuer. She always hears me so well. Such an excellent listener. I love when she tells me she loves me first. I love making her laugh. I just want to give her endless pleasure. I drink it in like I'd been deprived of her laugh my whole life. So thirsty for her joy and satisfaction.

Syd says she's gonna beak up with Susan. She's been saying it for nearly 2 weeks now, though, and I don't believe her. I want her to see that she deserves so much better. It's a goddamn gift to be gay. A fucking privilege to know the love for women. I want her to feel the pride, the bliss, the power, the strength to love yourself enough to ask for more as a gay woman. To ask for outness, to demand respect. The "big dyke energy" hah. But sincerely.

I wish we weren't on quarantine and that life could go back to normal soon. I miss parading Mikayla around on the crook of my elbow, downtown. I'm gonna take her to buy Mary's mountain cookies when this is over. We'll eat them in the square. People will be drinking and walking around without masks. I'll take her hand and kiss the back of it hard. I'll wear a nice outfit and we'll be each other's arm candy.

I'm mourning the loss of this June's pride. You bet your ass I'm gonna craft so much rainbow shit this summer. Read all the queer literature, watch all the gay films. Maybe I'll put something together for the vet gays.

I stayed at my place tonight, Emma and I ordered Chinese and watched a cute little documentary about an old gay couple that run a dog rescue in South Carolina. We always have such a great time hanging out together, I need to remember to do it more often. I'm really glad I asked the day prior. We talk about art and sex and rechargeable vibrators, and Greek mythology. I lent her new batteries for her poor little lavender vibe she calls... Bumpy Betty? Something like that. She let me her copy of the Blue is the Warmest Color comic. I read half of it tonight after she went to bed. I grew nostalgic for baby gay love. The giddiness of fresh queerdom! So scary but SO extraordinary. And exciting. Now I'm thinking of Rangely again. I sometimes forget that I've taken 5 (is it 5?) lovers since her. She changed my life. I hope she's well. Im always fighting the urge to contact her.

5 isn't even that many. I try to count again. Evan, Jes, Lee, Alyssa (I often forget Alyssa's name and feel guilty for it. She really liked me. It was hard to break things off with her.) Mikayla makes five. I'm grateful for my escapades honestly. I got a better understanding for what I wanted in a lover. Clearly had to subtract men from the picture first haha. But holy shit. I feel really lucky to have found Mik when she was also looking. We might have never met if her friend didn't buy her Tinder Premium. She wouldn't have seen that I swiped right on her. I wouldn't have been able to message her. We would have never known the other lived here. So close, but in totally different worlds. It feels amazing that we seem to fit so well into each other's lives. I think she feels it too. I want to bring her home to my family. I want her to spend more time with my brother. I want her to meet my mom in person. I have so much to look forward to even though it's fucking terrifying. But I want Mik close to me, and I want to make a life with her. The prospect of that is electric in my blood.

[contravarius-blog]

ANDRE COLTA

>>>So Dhakan ditched you?<

>I don’t know<

“Did you always know you were into cock?”

“No.”

“You like it?”

“Yeah. I like it.”

“What does sex mean to you?”

“It’s nothing more than anything else... it’s fun... it’s the soul’s rebirth..”

“Did you know Dhakan was only with you to leave you?”

“No, but it makes sense. He’s a god. I’m not.”

“A god you say?”

A god.

You are to lay on the floor of the bathroom while you cry. You will feel agonies you didn’t know were possible. This is all as it should be, Kelja. The mess of a human being a human being (odd sentence.) A mammal that cries and snots and shakes all over. Pelicans frequently raid the nests of other birds on volcanic islands. No this should not be a new paragraph. The pelicans do this while the parents are away getting food in the ocean. And what they do is, they swallow these plump little downy chicks alive, and you can see the thing squawking as it gets sucked down the gullet of this sudden monster. This is after a short lifetime of security and warmth and food. It all just ends eaten alive for no reason other than that God thought it appropriate. How’s the gullet of life working out for you? Is it getting dark and bitter and suffocating?Is there any pleasure left in it, dragon chaser? Do you ever notice the visual snow? Do you realize you’re hallucinating your whole reality? That all this stuff in front of you isn’t what it seems to be?

<<<Why yes, now that you mention it. The volcanic islands of the pelicans, they are responsible for the loudest sound on record, a volcanic eruption that circled the earth three times and shattered windows thirty miles away. People within one hundred miles of the blast had their eardrums blown out instantly. You can be subjected to a sound that drives you to madness. Dhakan knew about Jamie somehow, and he used his voice to repeat the things Jamie said, and I was on a drug, and I couldn’t move...

<<<I have to say, Kelja, that none of this sounds logically connected and I’m wondering where you’re going with it and if there’s a point to it.

<<<Thank you for letting me know you feel that way.

<<<You’re welcome.

<<<Colta stands over the boy, puts a hand on his shoulder. His crotch is inches from Kelja’s face, and it’s giving him a boner and turning his stomach. He wants to suck on it and he wants to run away. He always wants to do pairs of opposites. The homonculi pull to either side of his corpus cavernosum, moving in opposite directions on the same line, trying to divide what is already barely joined. It would be tempting to say that Kelja is two people in one skull, but he is actually four, that is, two people who both have split personalities. He also has occasional blood clots from sitting in uncomfortable positions for long times, a completely unrelated offering that may be designed to provoke frustration and unease, because like de Sade’s work, this one also wants to victimize its audience. The real purpose behind all this writing is to get YOU to kill yourself. You are reading this for a reason. The universe is speaking to you through it. And the universe’s message is: don’t wait for the pelican. This book can be your pelican. You recently purchased an item and the brand name was Pelican, and this is no coincidence.

<<<There are realms none of the people around you know about. When you learn too much, you discover that truth is solitude, because consensus is the lie. It really is everyone else that’s wrong. Very few have gone as far as you have. Consider an analogy; only the man who climbs Everest knows what that’s like, even though everyone else will have a basic agreement on how it must be. How can the know? You have climbed your Everest, Kelja. And you have returned changed.The stuff peaked at behind the curtain can’t be unseen. Your blinded eyes will never forgive you because now they can’t stop seeing.

<<<Colta rubs the back of your head. He knows you like this. He does it in exactly the same way Dhakan did. He looks down at you with easy to read intensity. There is hunger on his face. You can see the outline of his meat through his loose-fitting athletic pants. Big. “Yeah,” he says. He’s watching you look at his favorite thing. “You want that, don’t you? Go on, take it out.” It is true that porn sells more than everything else media-wise combined. Mostly men want to see the cock going in and out, over and over, up close, with those melodious wet smacking sounds that mean dinner is being served, which conforms to the hunger on Colta’s face. Bodies are all there is. No head, no heart, no soul, just meat in a bag of skin waiting for the gullet.Everyone must be processed and picked at, opened, seared, ground, all and any varieties of damage must be meticulously inflicted on them until no intact meat in the skin bag is left to torture. This book is for you. It is about you, and you know it, and that’s why you got to this sentence, see, because the universe is talking to you through it. Connect with this and open the gates. We are ready for you, mate.

<<<So you were a film student, Kelja? Then where is the school? Why do you have to make up all this stupid shit to impress me?

*Loser with no prospects*No future*No skills*Unemployable*Not ugly but close*Not smart*Not talented*Useless*

“You’re a fucking cute little fuck, you know that?” Colta says the words/ smirk smile bedroom eyes face lit up like a witch at an Auto da Fe/“I’m sorry,” he says, “I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable”/ Close proximity hand on shoulder room isn’t very well lit alcohol is kicking in smoke in the air music on something jazzy sexy swing maybe/

“It’s ok,” Kelja says.

From Colta’s mind the words this guy could use some affection, holy Christ I thought I was a lonely sonofabitch but him/ like a kid whose puppy is laying run over in the street, half the fucker impossibly flat like some kind of meat pancake and the boy is just this thing covered in the residue of yearning for some impossible connection/ or just the bare perception of closeness/ some chemical in the brain would be enough if it just produced the sensation that one had no boundaries, that the each was in all and the all in each and all the division and solitude had been horrific illusions brought on by the world’s maya, the trickery of surface appearances, but in the end if you were conscious you were all each other’s consciousness and there was no reason to feel this empty scraping smashed-out negative pressure making you grab out with sick cloying desperation, red in your starved eyes, your hunger making you unlikely to get fed/

<<<Dhakan ditched you and you’re ashamed at how much it hurts

<<<It’s not just that, though, is it? You’re fucking going looney toons with the retropredictive references got the psych manuals open to the tasty bits about schizophrenia and borderline personality disorder and every other name they’ve got problems for/ little detective wants to self-administer therapy and medication a machine trying to fix itself self-repairing robot/ and all the gears and firmware and wires get to be so obvious the steps behind all you do the machine learning to see itself as Other/

<<<“Where’s the school, Kelja?”

“I told you, I don’t know where it went.”

“You don’t know where it went?”

“No. There’s a fucking warehouse there. Boarded broken plate glass windows, some kind of deep pond, had a vision of it before I saw it some people were killed there I don’t know where my school is now and I wasn’t living in forever City before either-”

“Where were you living then?”

“Well that’s the odd thing, is, I’m having all these memory issues now cause Dhakan gave me that drug, the Gobstopper, only it did jack diddly shit at first had no effect sitting there pulling on the pipe like fifty times waiting for the bitch to kick in and feeling like I got ripped off even though I didn’t pay for any of it and then days later stuff, little things, stuff starts to happen, and now i realize that i did it. Onlyi it’s not a drug, see, there really is no drug at all. This is all a made up thing, some kind of big trick, all of it, my whole life, none of this is real, but it’s the only reality there is for me, but something is controlling it, authoring it, and you see, that’s why I was a film-maker, that’s why I was writing a screenplay, it was all a metaphor for my own situation, for me being scripted, my whole life start to finish, all this, right down to you and this room and the words I’m saying, all of it is pre-programmed and devised by this infinite evil intelligence-”

“Why does it have to be evil, Kelja? Am I evil? Do you think I’m going to hurt you? I wouldn’t. You should know better by now, i’m your friend. I’m not Dhakan. i have no motive to use you or trick you. I’m as cold and lonely as you are. Look at my eyes. I don’t sleep. My only thought is to find Mix N Match. Before he does something to me. He knows... he knows about me, I’m sure, oh that’s right, i told you, I told you about the pictures.”

“You told me about a lot of things, Colta, but why the gay stuff? How are you going to hit on me and then say how much you loved Dhakan’s mother?”

“I don’t follow.”

“Nevermind. It’s whatever. But it’s weird. It’s off. You know it is. You’re playing with me. All the things you said. Overheard conversations, the paranoia, it’s all started happening to me. For all i know it could be you. You could be the one doing all this. Is that the joke here? Is it you? Are you the one doing it all to me? Did you invent Dhakan? Are you creating Mix N Match? Did you make this city? Are you controlling my mind? Do you put thoughts-”

Colta grabbed Kelja by the arms and pulled him up to standing, hard, then hugged him close, harder when his young friend tried to resist. Kelja swore and exclaimed and thrashed, but the outburst was short-lived. Colta grasped him firmly and this was a kind of warm paternal embrace, there was nothing sexual about it in any way. It was the kind of thing designed to force the knowledge that you were cared about by someone who could take care of you. Someone bigger to look up to. At least that seemed to be Colta’s intent.

“I look at you and from a mile away i see the hurt in you, Kelja.”

“I’m not fucking hurt, I don’t give a shit, if this is about Dhakan, well, fuck that piece of shit, now let me go!”

“I won’t. Kick and scream all you like, but I’m going to do this until you give up.”

“Then I’ll just go limp and you can hold me like a fucking idiot all day if it makes you happy, but this is some stupid-ass shit if you ask me. What the fuck are you even trying to do? You think I need this? Like I have to get approval from you ? You want me to act thankful like you’re doing me some great thing I owe you for just cause you give me a few moments of your time every now and then?”

“Where the hell did that come from?” Colta sounded bewildered. “It doesn’t even make any sense, what you just said.”

“Nevermind, forget it, fuck off.” Kelja bucked two or three times but Colta’s arms were bunches of iron. “I’m going to do things you can’t even imagine,” Kelja said, resentful defiance in his voice. “You want to know something, Andre? I hate you. You get it? I fucking hate your guts, and all you are is a pile of them. Guts full of fucking shit. Lies. You’re nothing but lies. You did all this to me. You fucking did it all.”

But a spasm overtook Kelja’s voice. It was sudden and involuntary and caught him by surprise. It was caused by the emotion his affectations tried to conceal. His throat choked. He knew he’d been heard. Just like that, found out. All laid bare. And he gave up hiding. He began to cry. To cry like the kid with his run over pup.

Fake hard exterior reaction formation simple mechanism predictable. Little toy little toy stupid fucking little simple toy. Basic human programming machine operations. Emotion activation protocol circuits doing their thing in high dudgeon.