#ok ill stop being parasocial now

[bloutwo]

Accidentally following a circle of mutuals and some of them following you back is so strange bc like

I don't want to invade on their space but also I so desperately want to join in

[amethystcove]

i didnt want to talk about the recent events/people leaving because i felt it would be redundant,, but i guess since it's being brought up again? my thoughts:

i am definitely staying in dtblr because this blog Is dedicated to dream team/dsmp/sex havers content, and i still enjoy and find comfort in them. the community is wonderful and despite how terrible /that/ day was, it's not going to stop my involvement,, id miss u all too much (parasocial)

creating art and seeing all the amazing things people make for this fandom is a big plus, there is just so much endless support and that. makes me happy. :) being able to read sweet tags And leave tags is just sooooooo :D <3

id like to stay and have more epic fun times with u all, AND get closer with my current mutuals :) one good thing about the possiblity leaving is keeping in touch so :) ill fosho be around but if u are happening to leave!! im vv open to sharing my discord with yall <- any mutual is free to ask lol

erm. ok enough ramble that's it for now :) see u guys around <3

[cockbiteproductions]

just another person Going Through It with hashtag ryangate lol f

i was going through jeremy’s twitter likes because someone said he liked friend of mine’s tweet about feeling bad for fiona in this situation and i wanted to see it myself. and then i scrolled down and in the older likes was a tweet from ryan qrting the rt account from like october 1st and he had attached a video of him. and the date just struck me as so fucking recent. this was less than a week ago. less than a week ago everything was fine and he was acting like he hadn’t done any of this shit and business was carrying on as normal. and i just viscerally had to close the tab and get up and go outside on a walk.

and i just hate this i hate how deeply ryan was embedded in rt and ah and how many years of memories are tainted now. just a few hours ago i was like oh well maybe ill go watch [an ah video] to make myself feel better but then i remembered i can’t. like even if he wasn’t in it i couldn’t, it all just feels dirty now. i don’t want to in a year from now open up an old ah video and then immediately have to close it because ryan was in it. like going back to old old ah videos and seeing ray in it is a pleasant surprise but seeing ryan would just be. like almost every time i type his name i have to pause and physically shudder. it just fucking sucks. i hate that years of positive memories are now fucked up because of him. god how hard is it to not cheat on your wife with fans.

and i keep going back and forth on being able to laugh about this. like joking to lighten with the fuckery of it all and being glad that he has been exposed for the creepy and cheating fucker he is. like i keep remembering this one tweet i saw that was like “lol rip to everyone who bought a ryan body pillow” and it’s fucking hilarious and i laugh every time i think about it. but then 2 seconds later i remember those people legitimately looked up to him and found him to be a source of comfort. and how fucked up i would be if My Favorites were exposed for something like this and then it just isn’t funny anymore. and it wasn’t like i didn’t like ryan like he was a solid member in the ah cast and i very much liked him in videos and i already feel like shit because of this. so ill see people making jokes about this and laugh momentarily and then think to myself ok stop being fucking rude this isn’t funny stop making jokes about this. even though i was laughing myself a second ago.

but also i feel like just the tiniest smidgen of sympathy for him in having his nudes leaked like. fuck. if that happened to me i would be mortified. and people are making jokes about it and how he looks and it just doesn’t sit right with me like i know he did a terrible thing but god those were still personal and he didn’t deserve nudes of him leaked. like i guess some people could argue it’s retribution for what he did but i’ve never been one for revenge except in the most extreme cases and i know this is bad it’s so bad i understand what he did was terrible i even answered an ask explaining why but this isn’t one of those Most Extreme cases im willing to say that he deserves this.

and also in the comments of that ryan situation video from tessa i kept seeing things that were like “i have no sympathy for you. you knew what you were doing. you knew he had a wife and kids.” and. i understand what kind of point you are trying to make here but truly i don’t think they understand the power parasocial relationships can hold over people. they are your favorite person. you would do practically anything to feel close to them. and especially at that young age. like not to discount the critical thinking skills of a seventeen year old because i mean i was seventeen once and i had a brain but with the idol worship/stan culture and not fully developed brain you cannot possibly think that what she did was entirely of her own. i dont know the word im going for here. i guess of her own volition. that’s not very right but i can’t think of another word right now. like to a small small degree she is culpable for what she did there but not NEARLY anywhere in the ballpark of what ryan did. ryan, in his 30s at the time, married with children, should have absolutely known better and not been recipient &| solicit sex from his fans. they’re just nowhere near the same ballpark of blame in this.

and as for ryan’s tweet like. “i made mistakes.” yeah bro you sure fucking did. mistakes is the weakest word for it i can think of. god again just how fucking hard is it to not cheat on your wife. but the “please stop harassing and threatening my family” like holy shit i am livid that people are doing this. they are the victims of this and people are going after them????? what is wrong with people. everything about this is disgusting.

since i guess i’m just ranting about everything about this right now also in relation to ah’s tweet on monday about cancelling the stream, the quote rts were so fucking wild. like you had people defending ryan and saying that even if the rumors were true, they would continue to stand by him. and then on the other hand people were calling ah cowards for having replies turned off and saying it was classic rt, avoiding the problem. like the news broke literally that previous night. an account is posting actual pornographic material in the replies of tweets about ryan. in what fucking world would they have replies to that tweet on. no way should a social media manager have to deal with that. and it’s been less than a fucking day you can’t say they’re fucking avoiding the problem when you haven’t given them time to actually come up with anything. i’m surprised ryan “resigned” as soon as he did. all of you have 0 fucking brain cells and no sense of nuance and i fucking hate it here.

oh and i keep thinking about how he was the voice for a villain this season of rvb and now i wonder if they’re going to get someone to redo the voice.

also i guess if you continue to post ryan content ill probably unfollow you like i get having a comfort person/character i really do and i get that the vagabond or whatever is almost an entirely separate concept from ryan at this point but i personally cannot handle seeing him on my dash anymore so nothing against you but i don’t want to see it.