#ok i promise ill maybe shut up about this now lol-

[shooks-stupid-stuff]

(last post about the doodles i promise fjnffk (maybe))

i think what's bothering me so much about them, despite it really not being THAT bad is the fact that a. i never really had a shipping phase like ever and b. im a massive prude and yet have gotten insanely attached to two characters i made who very much Are Not

so to me, this is all very weird and new and embarrassing, but like

its really not anything too irregular actually i think-

[growling]

oh wait i forgor. tribe nine beta lol

Zero my angel I'd recognize that voice maybe not anywhere but like in some places

"kuronaka got 10 gold" *EAR BLASTING 9 HOUR LONG FANFARE*

hmmmmmmmmmm.. not saying anything but narrowing my eyes thoughtfully

they're trying to fnaf pizzeria simulator my ass, unfortunately for them I am an incredibly clever smart intelligent wise boy (looked at the art on tweeter)

they put kuronaka in the generic rpg torture dungeons💔💔💔 get well soon

shut the fuck up boyyyy look at the claypot. loook at my claypot boy

jesus stop jumpscaring me if i die my grandma will sue

im calling it now. lady goddess is just zero (and if so: gender win)

$laymate

if it does end up being zero it will be so fucking funny. please. let this manifest. me when i put some random dude in the generic rpg torture dungeons and make him look at claypots forever as form of foreplay also i pretend to be a statue

its that blue hair motherfucker from the promos or whatever

this is so fucking funny im tearing up. im tearing up. also they just implied that i was right. this is so fucking funny. vidio game brainwash yaoi. zero you silly man i desire you carnally

"well its not unusual for this man to do this kind of thing" please tell me more about zero's crimes against humanity .

forgot to mention this earlier but of course the protag has amnesia. not a proper kodaka game without an amnesiac protagonist. this is not a complaint

this is so funny. this is so funny.

redguy yellowguy leave that poor fucker alone. blueguy grayguy why are you just staring tell them to leave that poor fucker alone this is probably not how you approach a dude with amnesia who has been stuck in the generic rpg brainwash torture dungeon for an unspecified period of time

3d time. fuck that boy up guards induce a panic attack in this man

and the torture dungeons were just some random medium sized platform..... help me thats so embarrassing for kuronaka!!

"the village you were saying [sic] were all just drawings on the floor and on the walls!" THAT'S SO EMBARRASSING.... KURONAKA THAT'S SO EMBARASSING......

HE WAS 2 FUCKING YEARS STUCK IN THE GAME LMAOOOOOOOOOO THAT'S SO EMBARASSING FOR HIM

ok. ill stop being mean to him. i promise i will be nice and understanding of his situation from now on. it must be very hard and traumatizing for him.

LMAOOOOOOO HE LOOKS SO FUCKING STUPID THIS IS SO FUNNY. FUCKING IDIOT XDDDDDDDDD

also buy him brown contacts pls

ZEROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fucking look at him this shit looks biblical. look at him descending onto the mortals. this is fucking jesus imagery

nice robot hands. they're not attached yet but i will force him to become a cyborg no matter how many limbs i must detach from his body

i am not ready to hit unpause. but also im yearning.

wait look at his hand pose.... awww look at him i want him carnally

alright alright whatever im unpausing.......

so 24 city is just named like that because it's the 24th city and they ran out of ideas

24 city must be a shit place to live in, a strong breeze knocks you over and you fall one kilometer onto the pavement

"... but who would have thought that there is such a surreal area here, designed just like a video game?" zero. zero would have. that man is all about vidio game addiction i called it once and ill call it again

and he called him "the masked man" i fucking cant i need t. i need to take a breather okay i cant take this anymore

zero lore listen closely now this will be on the test (instead of listening starts imagining zero touching me in a bus and gets so hrard ii passkdf uout )

Kuronaka likes tea. +1 for Kuronaka I love tea

Zero the robot enjoyer

alright, Iroha is gonna return Kuronaka's smartphone next time and I'll end it here :] twas a pleasure. transcending experience

[the-sinking-feeling-starts]

i used the puppet strings for nahida in genshin we are playing god on the youtube i played my lucy dvds do you poop out at parties? i watched the johnny depp and amber herd trial on youtube sounds like theres no pirates 5 pirates ate my zombie ship! my aunt wont hire me for any non profit event galas because im never on time her wife looks like judge judy lol the pages of the poetry book were ripped and thrown all across the floor YOU SHOULD KNOW WHERE IM COMING FROM I WOULD LEAVE ME TOO, IF I COULD The butterflies feel like warning signs, thats why she disapeared. these four pink bedroom walls paint a scene of a perfect crime i pawned all my records (like prince at electric fetus and loring park) and my ps4 and my lenovo computer (sailor moon stickers) at maxx it pawn a guy threatend to blow my brains out hey man im just trying get money to survive the times its good to be a king (YOU DONT KNOW HOW IT FEELS wallflower smells good) this buds for you, buddy ol'pal its laced with fentanyl (ur unfuckenbelieveable) i hope your ok (trophy fathers trophy son) do you get deja blue? thats life tho. whatcha gonna do? where ya gonna go? your unleaveable. you will never walk alone and my family for you king for a day pierce the veil shoots to kill the blacksheep of the family youre just like your mother! depressed and you need a new dose of cocktails so you will be silent and quit talking about our crimes!!!! cuz i just wanna die before my heart fails (kickstart my heart), or cocktails. i promise ill do fine by myself! I just got a job at target field for the saint paul saints! yeah! bill murrary used to own them! the more you know who you are and what you want, the less you let things upset you cause i just wanna sing like sinatra with ethanol on my soundtrack, cause i could never rock like a rolling stone on the weeknd i just wanna live like the ones before and maybe i could play guitar like hendrix

i got my dad a special edition jimmy hendrix cd collection at electric fetus when i pawned all my records. I wish we could party like its janurary 28 1999

i love my frank Sinatra records tale as old as time shutting down systems for personal gain being graded while running up the hill watching married with children right now, im shameless, season 9 (mo white) (dont let this be our finale song diplo) life has seen stranger things and all of the netflix specials now can we netflix and chill?

[xamaxenta]

They all sorta meet in the middle regarding a relationship together

Sabo remains “unemployed” the entire time but he keeps his promises, accompanies Marco in the shadows to keep him safe, secures the house by checking what Ace had set up and adds his own because if he can get in undetected so could someone else, as much as he hates to admit it but he’s got a target on his back for all the backstabbing hes done along the way and being here puts Marco in danger too, theyve had this discussion and Marco is surprisingly ok with it all

Ace didnt really have much input just requesting Sabo keeps Marco safe and out of his business or there will be hell to pay

Sabo learns to cook more things than just chicken alfredo, its nice for Marco to come home to see someone waiting for him, sometimes its a surprise and both Ace and Sabo are there, but its nice to not have to think about what to make for dinner after his hospital shifts

Sabo tells Marco stories of his past jobs, excluding all the potential torture and killing he’s had to do to get where he is now ofc, Marco still kicks his ass in every video game they play, Sabo teaches Marco how to disarm a generic attacker, knives only because youd be stupid as a civilian to try doing it to someone with a gun Marco teases him like oh yeah ill leave that to professionals like you

Cue Sabo trying not to fluster like shit. Shut up !! Im trying to do a good thing for you and Ace ok ughf

Sabo also helps Ace on his missions, it was a little awkward when Marco lets him use their private secure channel to talk and Ace picks up all smoky voiced, low and sweet sounding like Hey sweetheart

Sabo.exe has ceased functioning and then he remembers he has info on Aces target like UM. SO ITS ME SABO (his voice dID NOT BREAK OK)

Ace: sabo? Wait what the fuck? Wheres marco?

Sabo: s-so (stuttering over himself like a fucking clown sjdhdhs) marcos fine hes been kind to let me speak to you bc i have info

And then its like a switch they both forget the . Embarrassment and immediately become professional and its pretty entertaining to Marco tbh, he doesnt want to romanticise their line of work but its kinda sexy, tbh to see a super spy deliver top secret info in a weird code he thought only worked in movies but Ace seems to know exactly what sabos talking about

It continues like this for a while, Sabo feeds info from his inside networks to Ace whenever its secure to do so or if he thinks it will be valuable, Ace tries not to take too much external help from anyone but his HQ but Sabos intel is really genuinely good shit, sabo does his own recon and scouting (lik dowsing laptop that sort of funky spy stuff)whilst learning to make deep dish pizza or smth Lol

All comes to a head when Ace gets some downtime after being abroad for a month and theyre all watching a lame movie together, kinda tipsy, Sabo suggested a drinking game he once played in germany and theyre all having a great time when Marco and Ace start gettinf handsy, like hands under clothes kinda handsy, maybe thinks its time to leave when one hand misses target and slides up his thigh and Sabo gets up away from the touch like WELP its been fun gentlemen, im kinda tired so imma hit the hay— tries to gracefully extract himself from the situation

When Ace glances at him like arent you staying? Marco catches up after a moment bc he was preoccupied with sucking a dark hickey into Ace’s throat like mm, yeah where are you going? (He touched Sabo on the thigh)

Sabo gapes at them, certain he’s hallucinating like um. Arent you two gonna go fuck each others brains out or smth?

Marco: yeah. Was thinking you could be in the middle

Ace: i don’t usually bottom but, figured we could try it considering you never submit to anyone lmao

Sabo whos never been so blindsided, horny and confused yet willing like. Y EAH okay , sorry to make it weird but are we fucking in my bed or uh yours?

Marco: ours is king size ;3

Sabo: o fuck

Usuehdhswheosjwnrn

[subnaut1ca]

Posting a hot take on tumblr cause I’m scared of twitter

PLS IGNORE ITS LIKE 4:30 AM RN IM JSUT SCREAMING INTO THE VOID  

Genuinely, MAPPA animation is clean but Im so fucking genuinely sad csm got blasted with the basic af corporate clean pretty anime normie style beam. like bruh old animation shit and all but can we PLEASE normalize going back to like different animation styles. LIKE LIKE bruh trigger they always be doin the interesting cool art style shit, they have smth thats theirs (yes Im sucking dick to my favorite anim studio)OR LIKE SCIENCE SARU their style wouldnt fit at ALL but at least itd be flavorful, OR MADHOUSE they're good at style mimick and can do the sketchy line shit really well like in OPM

like bruh I sound like a boomer but idk man maybe its cause I pictured csm in my head for so long as really gritty seeing it all clean and shiny is really weird to me... Like dont get me wrong I think MAPPA does usually put out bangin shit, but I wanna go back to old bones, madhouse, fuckin wahtever the hell where they really just went like wild and fun to fit the manga style rather than cater to the general public or whatever sigh. even dororo had like pretty different palettes and shit or even fuckin dorohedoro, sure the anim was like ok usually and the 3d was decent but mannnn I just wanna go back to crispy funky style anime grrr anyways hate anime that shit is cringe and bad ^^ kensuke Ushio on the ost so thatll be a win and proll the carrying part of the show, idk maybe its cause I loved this manga so much for so long Ive like built my own vision of what  itd be like but man sigh sigh sigh idk these days maybe im getting older or smth but a lot of anime seems so milk toast and genuinely manga and shit just always happens to interest me more than its animated counterparts weird how times are a changin, Ill still be hype for the sound effects (they better fuckin HIT like fire force) and ost and fights moving but boy do I WISH it was grittier than that glossy fuckin normie bullshit

Although considering how much of like a cult following csm has and how dedicated most fans are I think there will always be ppl disappointed lol (im normal shut up)

its 4am Im sorry LOL

PS at least it wasnt clover works or smth like ig promised neverland was nice but like idk I feel like their thing is pretty anime, they got that gritty pencil right at right times Ill admit tho

PPS clover field would be bangin on WHA just sayin, seems up their ally

PPPS I also salty with what MAPPA did to AOT, liek WIT studio HAD THAT SHIT BY THE BALLS MAN, and the MAPPA beam made it glossy and shiny like... I mean along with other shit I visually was grrr ed about

idk I feel like a purest nerd saying that but whatever

PPPPS ngl I feel like WIT studio mighta fuckin RIPPED IT with csm all Im saying like ig they do have like a studio style but like idk they adapt well to styles for the most part

am a firm believer in like hate culture bad but in this instance, I will be a hater >:) respectfully

I’m shutting up now hopefully I dont scare away my like 5 followers or whatever

[vlogsquadssquad]

secure

summary: Charlie puth invites David to a get together where David meets y/n and they hit it off.

a/n: a teensy weensy bit angst but im 100% making a part 2 of this with a happy ending so no worries!!!!!!!!!

warnings: language

mood board:

-- 3RD PERSON DD & CP

“hey what are your plans for Saturday?” Charlie asked David as they finished up a bit for the vlog.

“umm, nothing really. im kind of in a fog right now. why?” David took a bite of his apple.

“well im throwing a small little kickback at my house. a few of my music friends are coming and it might get you some good connections, if you'd like.”

“dude, that's fucking sick! name drop! is Selena Gomez gonna be there?” David asked excitedly.

“no, no, Selena doesn't really do too many social events anymore. she's going through a lot...” David raised his eyebrow as Charlie looked to the ground. “but you know who will be there? y/f/n!” 

“shut the fuck up dude are you serious?” Davids heart dropped at the thought of y/n at the party. he's been crushing on her for a bit, and has been dying to meet her. 

“yeah, I mean she texted me she would, why are you all giddy?” Charlie punched David on the shoulder playfully, but secretly didn't want David to say he had a crush on her because truth was, so did Charlie. what's not to like? she's humble, kind, funny, easy-going, and down for anything. 

“oh, uhh... no reason, just she's a pretty popular singer right now. good clickbait.” David said with nervousness in his voice. he didn't want to admit that he had a crush when he hasn't even met her.

“alright, well ill see you at the kickback then. bring some friends!” Charlie tried not to sound worried or suspicious. he’d have to keep an eye on the two.

-- YOUR POV

I really hate going to parties. but Charlie promised it would be chill and just a way to destress. ive been in a fog with my album im writing. I have great songs but I need two more and im stuck on what to write about. maybe the party will be a good thing. 

-texts w - Charles 🤪 -

< should I wear something casual or ?? are we dressing nicer lol

you look great in everything! >

maybe party casual if that's a thing? >

< thought it was a kickback you ass! lol but thanks for the heads up. see you there, Charles! 😉

-end texts-

he hated when i called him Charles but i love messing with him. after careful examining of the clothes i had, i decided to go as I was. it was an easy going outfit but I still looked put together. I had no one to impress anyways. 

-- 1st PERSON DD 

“dude, im so nervous.” i whispered to Ilya, who knew of my crush. 

“its fine man, don't be a pussy.” i took a drink of my water and grabbed my camera to film with Benny Blanco a little he always had something funny or interesting to say.

“Charles!” I heard from the living room. i didn't think anything of it and kept filming with Benny and Jeff. a little while goes by and then Benny looks over my shoulder.

“hey, y/n/n! so good to see you!” i froze. y/n went and gave benny an inviting hug and then turned to me. her eyes were easy to melt into.

“hi, good to see you, im y/n” she went in for a hug. she smelled beautiful.

“oh, hi. im David. big fan.” 

“and im Jeff, wow you look so great, can I get you a drink?”

i rolled my eyes at Jeff trying to make a move. of course he's into the same girl I am.

“oh, im ok, I actually don't really like to drink.” she's so kind and gentle as she speaks. 

“so how is the album coming?” benny asks her.

“its... not.” she laughs lightly but I can tell she's stressed. is it too early to tell her I already know her inside and out? am I crazy for watching all her interviews, tiktoks, and instagram stories? 

“im in a fog,” she looks to the ground. how are we already so compatible? “I want two more songs but im having trouble finding a conclusion to the story im telling. maybe there isn't one, I don't know.”

“what's the story you're trying to tell?” I ask feeling very brave and comfortable already.

“basically my current dating life.” she slightly blushes. “its so hard dating and every time I start to like a guy or I know of him and I already have a crush on him, it doesn't end well. and I have these little romances I write about but they all end in either piggy behavior or ghosting.” we laughed along with her. her smile was radiating.

“maybe I can help, do you wanna go to Charlie’s studio?” Benny asks her.

“you're an angel! yes! ill repay you in food.” she laughs. as they walk out, Im watching her. she moves so flawlessly. “hey, you can come too. might get something good for the vlog.” she smiles to me. my heart is beating out of my chest. she watches my videos or at least knows of me. “cool, thank you.” I say trying to remain calm. she also pulls Charlie in and he drapes his arm around her shoulder. they're just friends.

as we get seated in the room, Benny starts asking her questions. “so, we know what message you're giving but how are you delivering it for the album? what's the feeling? want to play us a song that captures the vibe?” 

“well I only have the instrumentals for the songs but I can play one live?” 

“great, lets do it.” Charlie smiled to her as he handed her a mic.

“don't post this anywhere, David” she warned.

she brought warmth to my cheeks. “nope, ill only use it as blackmail.”

her laugh was such a gift. I could tell jokes all day just to hear her laugh again. 

she played a beautiful song that was slow and powerful and all about heartbreak. it hurt to hear her go through that. then benny asked for another song. this one was more pop. like id hear it on the radio, but still deep. 

the rest of the night was them composing songs and some stupid jokes here and there. safe to say she's the most down to earth and funny person in the room. the fans will go crazy that im here with her. im going crazy that im here with her. 

-- YOUR POV

I spent the whole night in the studio with some amazing people. I found myself taking it all in and being so thankful for my life. ive known of David and watched his vlogs pretty frequently too, but being with him was a whole different experience. he gave great advice and genuinely helped me through some of my block. he gave a listeners point of view and had fresh ears. it was nice. he even offered to walk me to my car.

“I figured you'd have like a limo waiting for you outside or something.” he joked as we walked toward the street.

“nope, that's just youtubers.” I joked back.

he laughed, “ouch.” 

“thank you for your input tonight.” he chuckled. “no, I really mean it. I think I know exactly how I want to end the album.” I look into his eyes as my back is pushed against my car. 

“where's your mind at?” he looks back to me.

“loving myself. I know it sounds cliche, but isn't the greatest romance of all, the love you have for yourself? tonight was the most fun ive had, and it was just hanging out with friends talking about endless things.”

he nods as he takes my words in. “you're really secure with yourself. I like that. its going to be a great album.”

he leans in and for a moment I think he's going to kiss me which I don't need right now. then I see his hands go low to the handle of my car door and he opens it for me.

“oh, I can't take a hint, huh?” I joke with him.

“no, not at all. I just know you're excited to go home and write your new hit.” he says almost seriously.

“thank you” I whisper. “and also, can I get your number? id love to do something fun for the vlogs.” 

-- DAVIDS POV, NEXT DAY

“il, it couldn't have gone better! she asked for my number, bro!”

“that's fucking sick. imagine you dating one of americas sweetheart, music icons.” Ilya pokes at David.

“its not a fucking joke, I really think there was something there but id really like to get to know her better.”

“who are we talking about?” Charlie asks as he enters the room. David had texted him to meet up for a bit they were doing.

“uh, no one.” im quick to reply knowing they're` great friends and I don't want any drama.

“oh ok... so what'd you think of y/n?” he asks me.

“oh she's great, yeah, I was editing some last night and I think I'll keep some parts in.”

“yeah, she's so easy to be around. I think im gonna ask her out, she's kind of the girl of my dreams, and im like 99% sure she's in love with me too.” he says almost marking his territory. 

I look to Ilya and he just half smiles. “oh, that's great man. yeah you should ask her out if you're in love with her. she's a great catch.” my chest falls as I say it aloud. I really thought she liked me. 

part 2

[smutty-ki113r]

I am doing ok :> I just have intense mood swings and i'll go to my doctor soon. maybe it's a hormonal issue?? or maybe it's mental illness-

i usually don't check my social media profiles that much. I only go on here reblog some funky shit, post my art and look if u responded to my asks :>

MY GIRLFRIEND? man i love her so fucking much- I can't my heart. she's so perfect. I wanna be with her all the time (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)

I did what u recommended. I like kept the instagram acc but like emptied it ig. and I uninstalled it. imma make a deviantart page today :> yeah it's mostly for art I think.

YES imma scorpio uwu

actually at first I didn't feel very comfy cuz of what happened, but since i got together with my gf, it's been...nice? they r all so supportive and it's like so awesome, cuz I feel so valid there. and jeff recently came up to me and said: "yo if u ever need a hug...i- i'm here u know" and then I went: "jeff do u need a hug???" and he said: "HUH??? ME? NO I- yeah kinda" and then we hugged :> so I think we r besties now uwu! AND i finally met candypop OMG... it was so cool. i have been starting this habit of a subtle everyday clown makeup (that was the conversation starter) and lj and me have been hangin out. he was like: "wanna meet candypop?" and I got so excited...u don't understand :>>>> it was so much fun.

BEN missed me telling him abt u. I was forced to paint his nails while giving him updates on all the fics and stuff... it was nice tho ^^ he liked the hug and he is also super proud of u for everything u do <3 "tell them to keep going, they r awesome and valid and they can do anything they put their mind to!"

I would just have to say exactly what he did. I am bad with words so I am happy he is good with them lol

tysm <3 I adore u too ❣

-🃏

I have super intense mood swings too, so you’re not alone! Everything’s gonna be ok, promise

I REAPIND RO UR ASKS IN LIKE AR LEAST 3?? Hours cause i get so excited ehheheheheg and want to TALK WITH U ALL THE TIME.

I’m glad u guys are going good! ONG PROUD! Look at u making your devianart art acc!! GRRRR my best friend blue is also a Scorpio!

I’m so happy 🥺🥺 that u feel validated there, and Jeff is being the SHIT RN! He’s so cute! I feel like I would be the bestest of friends with him, I relate to him a lot 😋,,, fuckkkn and u got to meet candy pop. Sheesh man I’m so jealous rn, I WANNA DO SUBTLE CLOWN MAKEUP BUT IDK HOW.

omg he missed you telling him about me? Shut the FUCK up before I fall more in love with him. I am literally head over heels would die for him. But you already know this. I feel like it’s embarrasing, idk why hm.

Fuck. Fuck he really just gave me the validation. Fuck. Great now this is prime crying material. I will be using this- don’t worry I will. God I just wanna hold him and cry while he holds me, I just wanna be next to him for a second Man. What I would give for a second.

I LOVE U!

[embeanwrites]

Finding Home Gavin Reed x Reader

Chapter 15

Masterlist

Connor had driven me home after we finished the movie and now, I was laying in bed looking at my phone. I decided to send Gavin a text before heading to bed.

 How’s burning the midnight oil with Nines?

 lame, i wish i was with my cats

 Me too lol

 how was dinner

 Pretty good, we watched Into the Spider-Verse after. Connor had never seen it!

 i haven’t either

 You’re joking, right? Is this the Jameson and Ginger Ale thing again?

 i barely have time for new movies, let alone old ones

 We’re watching it ASAP

 lol ok pipsqueak

hey i have bad news

 Damn, you couldn’t secure a place for the Dead Mom Society to meet? Or is the bakery out of chocolate chip cookies?

 no i have to work through lunch on monday

 :(

What are you going to have for lunch then?

 idk a pb&j from the breakroom

 Would it ruin your “working through lunch” if I brought you lunch and we eat it in the breakroom?

 nines wont be too happy

 Tell him it’s revenge for lying and setting us up!

 ok ill work on him and let u know

 Awesome! Good luck saving the city tonight, Batman!

 ur the biggest nerd ive ever met

yet for some reason i like u

 Awwwwww you like me

 …hm

 Yeah, yeah I like you too

I gotta go to bed, talk to you later

 Sleep tight, pipsqueak

I smiled at the screen for a moment, even if that nickname was rude and had started as an insult, it was his thing for me now. I'm an adult woman. A nickname shouldn't make me feel this giddy, but here I am, grinning at a now black phone screen, thinking about how he only grins and never smiles and how handsome it is when half his face scrunches up to accommodate those grins. I wonder if he's grinning now, a small one at his desk, maybe into a cup of coffee to hide it while he returns to his case files. I hope he's grinning, feeling like a stupid teenager. I hope he likes me as much as I'm starting to like him. I fell asleep soon after, thinking of what I should bring him for lunch, trying to guess what would surprise him most without being too flashy, what I could do to make him grin for me again.

 I woke up the next morning around 10 am, and laid in bed for a moment questioning how necessary it was for me to get out of this nice warm cocoon of blankets, with the sunlight streaming in gently just out of my eyes, and sighed loudly when I remembered that it was indeed necessary that I get out of bed, as Tina would be here to pick me up at 11:30. I kicked the covers off, grabbing my phone off the charger and moving to sit on the edge of the bed to check it before truly getting up. The first notification was a text from Gavin, sent around 5 a.m. 

u can come on monday probs around 11 bring whatever im not picky

 Will do, Batman!

I turned on a throwback playlist while I got ready, a quick shower where I debated too long over shaving my legs before I actually did so, thinking about how Tina might have me try on a suit or dress for the wedding. I hadn't decided what I wanted to go for yet, hence the indecisiveness with the razor. Eventually I bit the bullet and just took the extra five minutes to shave just to the tops of my knees, not bothering with my thighs as I highly doubted I'd be wearing a mini dress to a formal event, though it might be fun to see how Gavin would react to more revealing clothes. I filed the thought away while I got out of the shower, toweling off and tying the towel around my hair and brushing my teeth. By the time I had thrown on a pair of well loved jeans and a plain tee, Tina was calling me, I answered and before I could even put the phone to my ear, I could hear music blaring in the background, and then Tina screamed "HERE BITCH!" and promptly hung up. I pocketed the phone, and hurried looking for my Birkenstocks, of course they weren't by the door, they were in front of the fridge, where I had stopped last night upon arriving home to grab some food before heading to bed. I slid the sandals on, stopping for a moment to grab two packets of the applesauce squeezies for a quick breakfast. 

By the time I got to the car, Tina was listening to a different song, but the volume was the same, I'm sure my poor neighbors who were trying to sleep in on a Sunday morning were not very pleased. I opened the door and slid in, Tina turned the volume down. What a shame, she had excellent taste in music, ‘Do I Wanna Know?’ by Arctic Monkeys isn't a song you just turn down! 

"Took you long enough!" She laughed, a smile stretching across her face. 

"Shut up I couldn't find my shoes!" I shouted, holding up my feet and wiggling my toes in the most comfortable pair of shoes ever made. She looked at my feet and raised her eyebrows, snorting.

"Jesus Christ I’m a lesbian and I still wouldn’t wear those ugly ass shoes, (Y/n)!” I gasped and smacked her arm. 

“You’re disrespecting your culture!” I shouted, as the car silently started and began to pull out into the street, heading towards the dress store. Tina just giggled and I huffed. 

“For that, I’m not giving you the applesauce I brought for you.” I tore open the packets, double fisting them and squeezing all their contents into my mouth. Tina howled with laughter 

“What are you, fucking two years old! I cannot believe you!” 

“You’re just jealous that you aren’t as stylish as me and now I’ve had a healthy breakfast which I assume you didn’t as you were at the station all night. I was going to be a good, kind, maid of honor and offer you sustenance but if you disrespect the birks, you disrespect me.” I joked, crossing my arms and looking out the windshield past her. 

“Oh my god my maid of honor is two years old!!” 

“Hey! That’s uncalled for, I’m not a toddler, if anything I’m like a seven year old, I make sense but just barely.” I joked. She laughed and nodded. 

“Still can’t buy booze.”

“That’s why there are other best people who are of age who can.” 

There was a natural pause in the conversation, the song changed and we both listened for a moment before Tina turned to me, a devilish grin on her face making me nervous. 

“What?”

“So, I noticed something strange at work last night.”

“Yeah, what did you notice?” I laughed.

“A certain someone kept texting on their phone and smiling AND Nines wasn’t giving them a hard time for being on their phone.” She smirked. “I thought the date went bad?”

“How do you even know it was me, future Detective Chen?”

“Well, I may have glanced over his shoulder at some point and saw your name.” I laughed.

“Tina! I was going to tell you. You didn’t have to spy on Gavin!” She laughed.

“It was the heat of the moment. I promise the next time I spy on him I won’t tell you.” I shoved her shoulder and we both laughed.

“Man, I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too.” The automatic car pulled into the bridal shop and we both squealed, jumping out of the car and practically running inside.

"I win." Tina said smugly as she crossed the threshold of the store before me. 

"Hey who's the kid now!"

Time went by fast in the shop, the consultants immediately brought us back to a sitting area, offering us complimentary champagne that we happily took. Our consultant, a happy-go-lucky android named Lance, brought out a selection of pantsuits for Tina to try, and offered excellent counsel on all of Tina's concerns. She wanted something elegant and more masculine. She tried a couple things before deciding pinstripe made her feel like a mobster and that white was definitely not her color. Lance was always smiling and laughing with them, not minding at all when they laughed at one of the options or didn't like what he had brought for her. He was very efficient in bringing options, and after three 'no's' he brought out a selection of black jackets and pants, assisting her in a pair of slim fit high waisted slacks with a center vertical pleat to help her look taller, a simple white dress shirt with a short popped collar, and a sleek black satin jacket, with a black lining. The fabric shone nicely in the light, a little bit of a sparkle in the thread. She looked gorgeous, and I could tell she felt it too, the way her eyes shone a bit, and her cheeks flushed, though she would probably blame that on the champagne if I brought it up later.

“You should try on some bridesmaids’ dresses. I’ve got my suit and now I want to judge others!”  Tina plopped down on the couch next to me and took my champagne from me.

"You haven't even decided on the style you want! Are you matching both bridal parties? Doesn't Valerie have a say in it then!" I squawked, reaching for the champagne flute she'd stolen from me. 

"We actually have talked about it, and we decided that as long as everyone has blush pink or yellow in their outfit, whatever style they want is best. It eliminates the drama and keeps our wedding day happy." Tina said, tipping her head back and downing my champagne in one big gulp. I smacked her arm. 

"Ah, I'd be happy to help you find a dress Miss. (L/N)." Lance offered, moving to sit next to me and offered out his hand, images of dresses popping up on his hand. 

"What are you thinking Miss (L/N)? Would you prefer the blush tone or yellow?" Lance asked, looking at my face instead of his hand. 

"Ah, blush please." I requested. 

"Not a problem, it's a popular color so we have a lot of options. Now, what style cut do you like?" I looked at him like a fish out of water. 

"I'm not sure, what do you think would look best, Lance?" He smiled, before pulling up a couple of images on his hand and explaining the styles and what design choices would flatter my features. I nodded, and he guided me back to the dressing room. 

"I'm going to run and grab some of the options we discussed Miss. (L/N)." He told me, before shutting the door. He knocked when he returned about five minutes later, hanging six dresses on the wall for me. "When you're ready, join us in the showing room, and we can adjust the fit and see what the bride thinks." He told me. I shouted 'Thanks!' through the door before turning to decide which dress I wanted to try first. 

 “Wow.” I murmured looking at myself in the mirror. From the tag on the dress I learned it’s a ‘long chiffon dress with halter neckline.’ I didn’t really understand what any of those words meant, but this dress was…amazing. It made me feel like a goddamn princess. 

“What’s taking so long!” I heard Tina shout.

“Give me a minute, you drunk!” I walked out of the dressing room, towards where Tina was sitting.

“Holy shit.” I laughed and spun around.

“It’s pretty good, right?” She got up and walked towards me.

“You’re getting this one. No question. I’m not letting you leave without it!”

“Are you sure? I can try a light-yellow dress if you want.”

“No, this one is perfect.” She smashed her cheek on mine and we both looked at ourselves in the mirror. I was smiling so wide my face was starting to hurt. She quickly grabbed her phone and snapped a picture of us, and I laughed.

“Tina!”

“What! I want to remember this moment.” She kissed my cheek. “I can’t wait to come back here with you when Gavin proposes.” She teased, causing you to laugh. 

“We’ve gone on one date! How much champagne have you had?” She shook her head.

“Just three glasses, I’m drunk on happiness! Come on, change back and buy that dress!” I laughed and walked back to the changing room. I picked up my phone and saw Tina had sent me the picture already. Smiling, I sent the picture to my dad.

 Got my dress for the wedding!

 Beautiful kiddo!

[tfw-no-tennis]

mtmte liveblog issue 18

lets goooo

I love the ‘no guns no swords no briefcases’ sign sm

NEVER over the ‘my first blaster(tm): big grip for little hands’ fucking iconic

‘get the hell out of my bar’ swerve lmao ily

so now we continue on with the remain in light arc, this issue subtitled ‘house of ambus,’ which is a dopeass name and also promises some ambus lore, which is exciting

first aid holding his gun sideways like a gangsta lmao I canttt

forgot there's literally a guy named dipstick LMAOOOOO that's funny on so many levels like...it sounds like dipshit, and also a urine dipstick is a urine test used to detect various stuff so that's the first thing I think of...what a name

‘put two and two together and make it a fist’ skids ily sm

pharma is in full-on dr thot mode over here, oh boy

lockdown looks like such a nerd on his edgy decepticon hoverboard

the fact that cyclonus immediately goes along w/whirls suggestion to disobey rodimus and attack the enemy....both of them are icons

OOOH ALL THE TITANS...that's such a good panel 

ok but I cant get over how lowkey funny it is that there's this battle going on rn where most of the participants can turn into various vehicles, but they're all riding around on dorky air scooters instead. this series, man

well, at least chromedome transformed

I fucking love that rodimus is always doing this like, ridiculous 80s action movie nonsense, I feel like that's perfect considering his g1 debut was in a ridiculous 80s action movie

poor tg just found out he’s gonna die in like 3 days and then rodimus immediately is like ‘wanna make that today?’ and does some crazy shit while tg clings to him like a terrified baby

rodimus mid-car transformation is fucking wild lmao

and now we finally get to see a bit more of what’s going on with our framing device flash-forward - it’s not just rodimus, everyone’s there! except ratchet...also, they’re in jail. woohoo!

and then there’s magnus, looking completely healthy but strangely unresponsive...

TYREST....this motherfucker....he is like, SO MUCH. the cape...the helmet crown thing...the holes....

tyrest told rodimus to ‘shut up or be held in contempt’ ayyyyyyyyyyyy

‘crimes against creation’ that's pretty dramatic dude

Let The Robots Swear!!

ok but rlly I find it funny that they're not allowed to say swear words (I'm assuming its not allowed rather than it being a creative choice) but all the death and violence and body horror is ok

chromedome is sitting there like oh holy shit did I find my now-dead husbands missing 1st husband after millions of years, like a WEEK after my husband died

chromedome mimicking the moustache with his finger...cute

its interesting to see a ‘sibling’ type of relationship here, since that's really uncommon for tfs since they don't really have families/lineage - of course, we don't really get to see dominus and minimus interact (until the FU), so

minimus really tried to pass himself off as a law-breaking smuggler lmaoooo that was never gonna work mdude

like he just continues acting exactly like ultra magnus except he pretends not to know these guys lol

‘forceful expressions of innocence’ tailgate ily

poor tg :( 

OH GOD pharma time. he’s out here looking totally unhinged and also thotty somehow, like usual

I SO subscribe to the idea that ratchet and pharma are exes are pharma still isn't over ratchet. that's the most entertaining and interesting way to read their interactions imo

dual chainsaw hands.....Bruh.

skiiiiiiiiiiiids....I love skids, he’s just such a good dude

also he’s really cool and also sexy. I feel like if anyone would be the mary sue of the series it would be skids rather than rung lmao 

oh shit I forgot skids gets skewered by star saber

aaaaaand ratchet’s in the box!!!! jesus pharma just say you kin the joker and go

HOW is ratchet alive tho like....wouldn't he need energon?? isn't energon basically blood for them, but also food, and fuel, and basically everything? I don't get it but yknow what, ill suspend my disbelief bc its so entertaining 

see, the little backstory on tyrest is really interesting, cause it seems to me that at one point, tyrest did have the best interests of the cybertronian people in mind, and he really did stand for true justice and tried to end the war peacefully - but somewhere along the way things went bad, and now here he is

oh rung, scolding somebody for revealing top secret information, that’s rich coming from mr hipaa violations himself 

lmao and minimus cant restrain himself from scolding rodimus either, and then very obviously fishing for information so he can ask questions without it being clear that he already knew all about the lost light 

vhbjahdbhjhdf im NEVER over rung passive-aggressively antagonizing minimus so he can accuse him of being ultra magnus hvbhjkdnfssfhsabjhdfk that's so funny

also its another example of rung maybe not being the best at his job - he’s basically manipulating magnus’s OCD to try to force minimus into revealing his identity...ethical? perhaps not. effective? oh yeah

I mean I guess you could say this is an example of rung being really good at his job, bc he was able to use psychology to deduce minimus’s identity...it’s more like he also decided to disregard medical ethics and ethics in general 

and then the reveal....ultra magnus is actually a much smaller green dude?! whaaaat!? 

ill talk more about it later but fr this is one of my favorite concepts that mtmte introduced, I fucking love it 

ahhhh I love this issue. tho tbh I love basically every issue. anyways tho I love the continuation of ratchet and pharma’s story, with pharma officially going off the rails with some complete bullshit, and also the big reveal about magnus/minimus! great stuff

[ellie-scribble]

Show Me (1/3)

A Bucky x Reader fic long overdue for a request I got a WHILE ago from @letstalkaboutsebbaby :

Ok. Ruin me is great. I want to read more from you so I’m going to ask for this: it’s the 40’s and Bucky’s mother asked him two things: to take her best friends’ daughter to a wedding out of the city and not to touch the girl. The young woman on the other hand asked him to show her how it was to fuck. :)

I am so sorry it took this long I just get really distracted and forget about things lol

Summary: Basically what the ask says. Smut won’t come (hehe) until the second or third part probably. A little bit of fake dating/bed sharing, but it’s not fake for long.

Warnings: Maybe language and smut in later chapters.

Word Count: 1683

masterlist — series masterlist

“Mum, I told you, I can go to the wedding by myself!”

“Nonsense,” your mum cries, “My friend Winnie has a son around your age. He can take you.”

“And I am grateful for that, but I really will be fine on my own,” you reply. Your cousin’s wedding was coming up, but it was all the way in Jersey, and your mum didn’t want you going on your own. “I know that it’s in Jersey, but it’s family. I’ll be safe.”

“I’d feel so much better if you had him take you. Please darling? For me? Your father has me worried sick with his illness and I don’t want to worry about you, too.” Your father had recently fallen ill. The doctors said it should be gone in a few days, but your mum always worried about everything. You supposed you’d better let someone take you, rather than your mother keel over from stress.

“Alright, mum. Who am I going with?”

[[MORE]]

“James Buchanan Barnes!”

Bucky could hear his ma calling from a mile away. Hell, he could probably hear it all the way from Jersey.

“Comin’ ma!” He quickly extinguished the cigarette he had been smoking and hopped out of the fire escape. He followed his ma’s voice into the kitchen, where he was greeted with an unfamiliar face. Gorgeous, but unfamiliar.

“James, this is Y/N. Y/N this is my son James that I was telling you about,” ma said. You offered your hand to him.

“Lovely to meet you, Y/N.” He took your hand and pressed a kiss to your knuckles. This made you giggle slightly.

“You as well, James.” Her voice was like honey in my ears.

“Well now that you’ve met, I suppose I better tell you why. James you’ll be takin’ Y/N to a weddin’ in Jersey this weekend. She’s my friend Rachel’s daughter, so you better treat her nicely, James.”

“I wouldn’t treat a lady any other way,” he replied with a wink as his ma smacked him on the arm.

“I’m sure James will be a perfect gentleman, Mrs. Barnes,” you replied, “No need to worry.” You saw a glint in James’s eye, and knew that your previous statement was indeed false. That wasn’t necessarily a bad thing though. In fact, it was perfect for what you had planned this weekend.

“I’ll give my son all the details later. Tell your ma I said hi,” Mrs. Barnes said as she shooed you out to door. You took one last look at James before the door shut.

------

“Now James, I know what your thinking-”

“Ma-” Bucky started.

“Don’t ‘ma’ me. I do! You see a pretty girl and all you can think about is how you want to be with her. Well, you don’t get to swoon this one. She is my best friend’s daughter, and if I find out that you did anything, I will whip you all the way to Staten Island. Understand?” His ma had a very serious look on her face, and he was scared to say anything other than-

“Yes, ma.”

“Good boy. Now you are going to pick her up on Friday at 8 am sharp. Pack some nice clothes and treat her well. But not too well!”

“I will,” Bucky turned around and walked to his room, where he began to pack. He had wanted to, as his ma said, swoon Y/N, but he would never disobey his ma. At least, he would try not to.

------

“Now, Y/N, honey, make sure you say thank you to Mr. Barnes, and tell him to tell his ma that I said hi.” Your mum straightened the hat on your head and placed a sandwich in your hand.

“Yes, I will. I have to go now, otherwise we’ll be late. Watch over dad, won’t you?”

“I will. Have fun!” Y/N’s mum shouted as she walked out the door.

James was parked outside close to the curb. He was sitting in the driver’s seat of a yellow Buick Special, with the top down and the radio up. An Ella Fitzgerald song came through the small speakers of the car radio.

“Hop in doll, I’ve been waiting here for hours,” James drawled.

“Well James, I’m afraid my mum held me up. She doesn’t want me to go with a handsome gentleman unless my hair is perfect. And you better not ruin it by driving too fast.”

“I won’t. Promise. Now buckle up, it’s a drive to Jersey.”

-----

“So, James. What’s your story, huh?” You say, trying to start a conversation. You had been staring at him for far too long, and you didn’t want him to notice.

“I dunno. I guess I’ve lived in Brooklyn all my life. I got a buddy, Steve. Have to fight for him. Have to support my family, too.”

“A family man?” You gasp with mock surprise. You knew he was a perfect gentleman in every way.

“Yes, doll,” he turned to look at you.

“And is there anyone- I mean- are you seeing anyone?”

“Why are you asking?” he asks with a raised brow.

“No reason, James.” Your cheeks flush red and you look away. This was going to be a long weekend.

“Call me Bucky. Only one who calls me James is my ma, and that’s only when she’s mad at me.”

“Alright, Bucky,” you say, regaining your confidence, ”Why was your ma mad at you the whole time I was over at your building, hm?” You had your suspicions as to why, but you wanted to be sure. You had seen that glint in his eye, and you knew what it meant. You turned to look at him again.

“She wanted me to promise that I wasn’t going to try anything on a dame such as yourself,” Bucky replied. He gave her a side wink while still keeping his eyes on the road.

“Well, we’re going to have to see about that. You see, Bucky, I had all these plans for this weekend, and I need your help to get them done,” as you said this, you placed your hand on his thigh, and slowly trailed it upwards. Bucky drew in a sharp breath. He was struggling to keep his eyes on the road and his hands on the wheel.

“Doll-” he warned as your hand moved inches away from where he desperately wanted you to touch. You removed your hand and huffed.

“Fine. I won’t,” you say, “Tell me about this friend, Steve.”

------

Bucky drove the car into a lot with a sign at the front advertising the wedding of your cousin. When you parked, he quickly hopped out and opened your door for you.

“Why thank you, sir,” you say in a false haughty voice.

“My pleasure, madam,” Bucky replies in the same tone. You giggle as he grabs your hand and helps you out of the car. You both walk around to the back of the car and bring your suitcases into the hotel that you’d be staying at.

When you came up to the front desk, you saw your cousin Betty doting on the arm of her soon-to-be husband George.

“Betty!” you shouted across the foyer. She turned to look for who was calling her, and when she saw that it was you, her face lit up.

“Y/N!” She crossed the room and engulfed you in a huge hug. “I was so worried you wouldn’t be able to make it, what with your pa being so sick and all.”

“Mum’s looking after him, but I wouldn’t miss your wedding for the world.” You and Betty had been best friends growing up. You would always climb fire escapes together, and when you got older, you would smoke in secret. Eventually, she found George, and they both moved away to Jersey. You had kept in touch through occasional letters and visits in the past few years.

“It’s so good to see you again,” she said, stepping back to look at you. That’s when she noticed Bucky. She lifted an eyebrow and asked, “And who might this be?”

You quickly attached yourself to Bucky, as Betty had been to George just seconds ago. “This is my boyfriend, James.”

Bucky had a shocked look on his face for a split second, then recovered and smiled at Betty, and wrapped his arm around your waist. “Call me Bucky,” he said, offering his other hand for her to shake.

“Nice to meet you, Bucky. I’ll let the front desk know we’ll need two keys for your room.” With that, she walked toward the concierge.

“Boyfriend?” You turned to see Bucky looking at you with his eyebrow raised. He didn’t move his arm from your waist, though.

“Yeah. Why not?”

“Doll, you’re only making it harder for me to keep my ma’s promise.” He groaned when you pressed yourself further into him. You felt his hand tighten on your hip.

“Maybe that’s the point,” you say with a wink. At this moment, Betty came back over holding two identical keys.

“Now, I’m sure we won’t have to worry about this, but Gramma Minnie is in the room next to yours, so no loud noises at night.” Bucky coughed and his cheeks reddened.

“No promises,” you say with a smirk. You picked up your bag and pulled Bucky towards the elevator.

------

You walked into your shared room first, closely followed by Bucky.

“So I’m your boyfriend?” You turned to look at him, and had the gall to look bashful.

“My aunt is always hounding me for a boyfriend, so I just thought that you could- I mean- maybe you could pretend-”

“That you’re my girl?” He cut in.

Your cheeks reddened for what felt like the 50th time as you nodded, “Yes. That’s what I was hoping for.”

With eyebrows raised Bucky replied,”Well, since you already introduced me as your boyfriend, I don’t really have a choice, do I doll?”

You shook your head no.

“Well then, doll, get ready. Because you are about to experience the pleasure of dating James Buchanan Barnes.”

Part Two

[not-a-red-rose]

Bit of a long read.

Warning: Topics are somehow sensitive, but please read, for this is also a way of education (or maybe you’ll just find out I’m a bad person, that depends lol.) But if you’ve got time, if you can make time, please read this. I accept constructive criticisms, some arguments that do not involve ad hominem, and additions if ever you are willing to say there is.

So, it's been approximately 5 years since I strayed away from being masungit and maldita (mean and snobby), because my Mom and Dad got a lot of trouble because of it (I did get a lot of trouble, too, only I didn't mind, because I really didn't care) and now I love being compassionate and kind

I really do, because I can't also stand an environment where most of the people are mean-spirited and always angry. I wanted to build a soft and light environment, so I tried to be soft and light, too.

Because change starts within, don’t you think?

So I did, and I became very good at it.

It feels great to see and watch people grow comfortable with their own skin around you because you don't judge them. It feels great to see and watch people love themselves more because they can see that you love them for who they are. It feels great to make people feel great and give them the love they deserve, because we are all human, and we don't deserve to always be shut down by people who suffer inside of themselves. So we create bonds, we love people for who they are, we eat with them, we cry with them, we laugh with them, we pat their backs when they are defeated and helpless, we shout “I’m proud of you!” to their faces when we feel proud of them, and we begin being kind.

But now that I have been terribly woken up by realizations, shaped by my experiences, and taught with other's advices, I am also beginning to see the predators in our forest.

I will sometimes think that maybe we aren't always aware that we are being predators, sometimes we are as clueless as the preys and we don't know any better. Sometimes we can be the toxic ones, too, so there is no point in stopping our self-development and realizations. Everyone starts as clueless and inexperienced— oftentimes, a monster isn’t a monster because he is evil, it is because he refuses to change so, even when he knows he is.

Bad people only become truly bad when they don’t care about being better.

I am not perfect, I am not all-knowing, I became a predator, too, for far too many times than I can count, and I am still trying and learning how not to be. But here are some of the things I realized:

• The awful mindset of our society is that if someone's kind, they are supposed to tolerate everything you do. (even and especially gaslighting, guilt-tripping, backstabbing then denying it later, always saying "yes," and being soft even when hurt and angry.)

No. People who are kind do not deserve such abuse and manipulation (we don’t deserve abuse and manipulations,) so please, quit saying, “mabait naman ‘yan si ano e, okay lang ‘yan sa kan’ya!” (Don’t stress about it too much, she’s kind, so that’ll be okay for her!)

And what, you’re going to victim-blame again? You’ll say, “you’re too kind, you’re teaching people to step all over you.” Dude, I’m not teaching them anything like that, really, they are teaching that to themselves because they want to abuse and take advantage of the kindness. If there is no kindness because kind people took your advice to not be kind so people won’t step all over them, then what would become of our world? Common sense, sweetheart.

• Normalize saying no. If you mean no, say no. If you mean maybe, say maybe. If you mean I’ll try, say I’ll try. If you mean yes, say yes. Normalize saying and receiving no, not everyone has to agree and do what you suggest them to do.

Normalize saying no, if no is what you want to say. I don't care if they hail you as a saint and they label you as someone who tolerates everything. Say no if you mean no. Say it firmly. Don't waver. Your voice may shake but say no if what you mean is no.

(“Normalize saying no” doesn't just tackle suitors and people who want to be your lover. This also tackles people you don't want to spend time with, things you don't want to do, places you don't want to go to, words you don't want to say, and etc.)

say no. say it loudly. say it firmly.

• Unfortunately, we are not educated about gaslighting and guilt-tripping, or any psychological/mental manipulations, enough to defend our own selves from manipulators, narcissists, and terrible behaviors of people.

We should be educated.

Please read verified and credible articles about it, listen to classes when it’s the topic, research about it, observe it. You may be doing it, too, so please learn about it.

• We should stay away from "friends" who hurt, invalidate, manipulate, abuse, and force you to do things you do not want to do. I don't care if it makes you alone-- alone is better than being with people who will just use and hurt you.

• Do not try to repaint red flags. Red flags are red flags, unless you are color blind, although please do not be figuratively color blind. If you cannot settle it through peaceful conversations and negotiations, it’s time to cut ties. CUT TIES. No one is important enough, for you to stay with them even when they exhaust and drain the hell outta you. Let them go. If they don’t wanna walk away, then you do the walking away. Don’t stay there. Life is too short to deal with people who take and take and take and take your peace and who obliges you to fix them.

• I do not have any idea how to say this properly— but you cannot expect your romantic partner/ lover to take the heavy weight of your mental messes and emotional baggage just because you cannot deal with it yourself. Stop dropping all the weight to someone and expecting them to fix you because you are broken.

I am not invalidating the love lives of lovers who stay through each other’s destructive jealousies and insecurities— I am only saying that we don’t have to. We aren’t obligated to fix an individual just because we love them. That’s what’s cruel there, when we find someone we can and will love and we would like them to be in our future, but they come across as toxic and draining and destructive, and they don’t want to adjust to be a better person, we gotta let go of them.

It is always your choice if you’re going to stay with them— if you can and you want to, then stay. If you can’t and you don’t want to, then don’t.

This may sound harsh and (even) evil, but normalize leaving people when you cannot deal with them any longer. Normalize leaving people. Normalize people leaving you. Those who can and who want to stay will stay, will always find reasons to come back, and will always stay. Remember that.

• Normalize rebuking and criticizing the ideas of the people who make rape, poverty, mental illness, and anything-that-shouldn’t-be-joked-about jokes. Normalize criticizing, standing up to it whether it came from your parents, a very dear friend, or a romantic partner. Sensitivity shall not be filtered. Respect shall not be filtered. Note that I said “ideas of the people” not “the people” because we should not hate people so easily, maybe they just need a little education, a little more push to leave that mindset and perspective.

Well, if they have been presented with enough and sufficient facts of why they shouldn’t think like that and shouldn’t joke about that, but they still haven’t changed their mind, let us go back to what I said earlier.

Bad people only become truly bad when they don’t care about being better. :>

• Say what you mean and mean what you say (this one is the hardest so far because man, we are reckless with words.) Like what I said earlier— about the saying no. If you say yes, darling, I do hope you mean yes. If you make a promise, do your best to meet it! Treat your words like they represent your dignity, because oftentimes, they do. You believe it or not, words are powerful. It can heal and mend, but it can also tarnish and destroy.

“The words you speak become the house you live in.” ― Hafiz

• We all need healing. We all have wounds we need to heal from. I do not know jack about your problems and you might not know about mine, but we cannot deny that we need healing. Because if we deny, and we think that we’re a-ok even when we are not, the wounds will remain wounds and we will bleed on people who did not cause it. We will punish others because we are experiencing anguish inside of us. Do not let that be you. Be soft on yourself enough to acknowledge that you are hurt and in need of healing— that way, you are soft and tender with others, too.

• What you feel isn’t always what I feel, and what I feel isn’t always what you feel. We have different capacities, different perspectives, different emotional wavelengths. What’s trouble for me can not be trouble for you, and vice versa. However, that does not give us any power to disregard what others feel. We need a lot of understanding in this life, and acceptance towards the diversity of every aspect in our lives. Respect is needed, always respect. Respect should be the default (that being a default, it can also be lost).

(But this^^ doesn’t always apply to all things such as being homophobic and racist, because that perspective and mindset drives one to disrespect existence, and even act out violently, set prejudices and be downright inhumane. That is not what I am talking about.)

This is not all, but if I type all I might accidentally write a book about it, so this stops, for now. Note that your understanding of the words I’ve said depends on how well you interpret it, whether you have prejudices or you do not, whether you will use it for good purposes or for bad.

[dulharpa]

this is for hayley! @whistlingwillows a dear friend <3333

it’s meant to be a birthday present haha. i just want to shower you in love;;; so thought maybe i could go through as many of your fics and comment on them :^)))

(TO EVERYONE ELSE: please go to @whistlingwillows blog and read her fics!!! they are SO FCKIN GOOD AND AMAZING AND UGH HER MIND (it’s a lot of mcu and her bucky and steve fics are a*. i DEFINITELY RECOMMEND))

i wish you a VERY happy birthday and i hope we stay friends for many more years <3333333333 

i’m going through your masterlist heehee ;)))

ah first off, nice theme! i never could rlly see it before because i’m always on mobile heehee. also sorry for not reviewing them before??? i don’t usually read fics on tumblr as you’ve probably guessed;;

anyways, IM GON REVIEW THE SHIT OUT OF THESE >:DDDD

far from home -  bucky x stark sister!reader

firstly, i like how youre introducing the reader from buckys pov, like you can sort of already gather what shes like from them

‘Bucky can hear Tony’s soft inhale, feel the intensity of the man’s glare directed at Steve. He shouldn’t be eavesdropping, but a twitch of muscle would be enough to alert both men that he’s here. With the amount of tension crackling in the air, a brush against the wall would be equivalent to a thousand cymbals crashing in cacophony.’

IM CRYING ALREADY. the imagery in here is GLORIOUS. your tone here is so fitting! oo and the alliteration here is perfecto

ooooooo!! the backstory coming in  👀👀

‘despite what some people think that Steve and Captain America are two different personas, there will always be parts of Steve in the Avenger, and parts of the Avenger in Steve. They both want to believe in something good. They are, after all, one in the same.// Just as how Bucky and the Winter Soldier are the same man despite everything. HYDRA simply amplified the hate, fertilized the seeds of rage, curated the quiet thunder within his soul, within James Buchanan Barnes so that the Winter Soldier could thrive.’

yIKES! lol this is very character study like! nICE. it hurts tho, my poor children, i love you both 

oo ‘starlight eyes’ that is a very nice way of describing them

‘“Then what was London?” The protesters. “São Paulo?” The earthquake. “Vancouver?” Freezing cold water.//“Look, I care if Stark’s gonna run us over trying to find her. I care enough because she’s part of our team. Come off it, Steve. I know she can take care of herself. I’m gonna take a nap. Dr. Cho said no partying post-Singapore and what do you know, we throw the biggest party ever.’

ooo singapore uwu and london? (coincidence? haha jkjk) and the hints abt reader and buckys background are so good?? but so annoying??? like i just wanna KNOW yknow?? 

‘The water runs copper and the sting bites at his palm as he tries not to think. Tries to focus on the numbing cold that runs over his skin.’ 

your imagery is so vivid?? im actually in awe??? i am so regretful i havent kept reading your fics. like i know they are amazing, i just keep putting them off??? idk man. hopefully this makes up for it (gd tho, im still not done with commenting on one fic. this is what im doing with my motivation teehee ;)

‘ He feels weak. Tired. He wants to go back to bed but he also wants to stay out in the sun for a few hours more. The sun kisses his skin through the windows and he squints against the blue sky, wondering ‘

mood during this quarantine lol

‘“Oh, right.” Your voice is flat, uninterested, cold, as you stare at him. “You killed my parents.”Shit.‘

 OUCH LMAO THATS C O L D, O GOT +100 PHYSIC DAMAGE FROM JUST READING THAT

ooo robin as a nickname noice. very much gives me batman vibes lol

oh! and the way of doing the ‘flashback’ is neat! very original. it both tells us what happened AND buckys reaction to it again. he can re-analyse himself and reader. very cool

‘If you walk away now, don’t bother coming back!” Silence. Bucky can hear his own strained breathing, your soft sigh as you soaked in his ultimatum.’

👀👀 yikes that ultimatum. :// not good bucky. tbf theyre both trying to hurt each other but Yikes

eyy!!! readers pov!! finally! and the switch after we find out the outsiders pov? brilliant

oh no :(( more angst

‘When’s the last time you saw your therapist?”“Don’t have one. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”’ they BOTH need therapists;;;;

very good fic!!! :DD they rlly do hate each other! i definitely like how you went back and forth with the timeline! it gave me a v strong idea on what yn was like even before we rlly got introduced. i am now very curious on where reader is? i love your characterisations! 

i will read the 10k+ fics but heck the last one took me ages lolol (i will comment in the future tho!! i promise <3 ) (that took me over an hour jjhghgdjh)

slipping away- amnesiac modern bucky x reader

omg,,, AMNESIA! >:DDDDDD

‘ Put your fucking seatbelt on’

oh no, istg theyre going to have a car crash arent they (’ doesn’t put the seatbelt on to spite you.’ NO PLEASE PUT IT ON U DUMBASS)

ok,,,,, at LEAST he put it on before he got hit, thank heck. but still. youre so cruel to your poor characters lmaoo

oh gosh

‘You fall apart slowly, like pieces of you peeling away until you’re nothing more than your broken heart. The sobs that wrack your body are relentless and you shove your forearm into your mouth to muffle your cries. You want to bite into your skin. You want to distract yourself from the agony tearing you to shreds. You want to feel anything but the pain.///Tears sweep into your hair, cloud your vision and your whole face floods with heat as you try to breathe through the pain. You’re cleaved into pieces on that bed, eyes squeezed shut as the tears keep flowing, and your throat burns’

this hurts damn, it is so vivid?? i can really feel it 

i am so glad you got into writing yk?? so glad

NO PLS, TELL HIM. TELL HIM :((( ‘shes nice once you get to know her?? shes known nat for years now!! years!!

oh god ‘he looks younger without the burden of your time together’ this is so angsty omg

‘Well, he was stumbling through his apology and I just let him finish.” Your body fills with warmth as you remember his embarrassed smile, the way he shoved his baseball cap farther down his head, chin tucked to his chest, trying to hide that face. “When he was done, I opened my mouth to say something polite but what came out was ‘You look like someone I’d very much like to kiss’.”

this is so soft i stg im crying in the club

OH SHITTTTTTTTTTT , you left it off like that!!! thats so cruel!!!! i can’t!!! how dare you!!!! :””””””((( im typing this with tears in my eyes ill have u know!!

anyway!!! very good fic!! you could honestly make that into a longfic very easily lol. i felt too many emotions :(( 

i was just about to say where is the fluff!! where is it!! when i saw the next one and yay :))) pls i cant have more angsty stuff rn

.

cookies and rings and things bucky and reader

‘how much do you love me?’ ‘count the snowflakes, multiply by a million’

did you have to start the fic off with such a SOFT line? its so soft! so TENDER 

‘He wonders what kinda insane person wears socks without any clothes on, but then decides that it’s the kind of person who’s fallen in love with him.’  jesus, the soft moments filled with love are the greatest <3

you can write fluff so well, whyd you have to pain me with all that angst ;””””) (1/10 hurt, 9/10 comfort is the way to go lolol) (jkjk ill read the angsty ones too when i have the spoons) (gonna reread that hydra steve one and ik thatll fuck me UP)

‘ Then, he can feel the cold metal of the ring she slid onto her own finger less than twenty-four hours ago and realizes that he had thought a lot of things shouldn’t be possible, and yet they still are. ‘

you literally brought me to tears reading this softness, you have truly found my weakness

‘ She’s so damn gorgeous with flour on her face and eye bags beneath her eyes that he’s sure she will inevitably make his heart burst ‘

he already likes her so much! i can’t believe this is affecting me so much :’)

‘Bucky is quite sure Sam is in love with his girlfriend in the fact that he’s in love with the fact that his girlfriend is possibly in love with Bucky’

this is so soft??? sam loves reader bc reader loves bucky sm. pls my hear <3333

you do fluff SO WELL DAMN 

‘F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s voice echoes in his small little perch and he still thinks it’s weird without having the side effect of Stark in his suit chasing after him to hear the A.I. but he shoves that uncomfortable feeling of the dead man out of his head. That is too much regret to unpack right now on a mission. ‘

yike bringing back that reminder oof

but thats so soft??? (i am def overusing soft but,,,,, i love it and the vibe) she sent him cookies! god i can feel the love  

‘She expresses her feelings through cooking, which Bucky has learnt the hard way. One time, they got into an argument over something stupid—he can’t even remember what started it—and came to the kitchen at 2AM to see her sitting at the kitchen island crying her eyes out and surrounded by baskets of muffins.’

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 my hEART

you show how much they love each other in so many ways??? i am dying

“Alright, I like it.” Rolling his eyes, he pecks her forehead and she smiles victoriously. It’s so adorable that Bucky, with less than three hours of sleep, adds, “God, I want to marry you.//”“What?”//Oh.Shit.

oh my god! i am literally tearing up!!! AGAIN!!!!!!!!

oh shit o am literally crying

your fluff got me crying harder than your angst i hope youre happy

I really hope you enjoy reading this?? i keep forgetting to like text you but i wanted to do something for your birthday. especially in quarantine when everythings gone crazy. one year i swear ill do something REALLY good for you. not making promises bc i hate if i dont. but ill like, learn how to podfic because you D E S E R V E  I T 

ive spent like three hours doing this lolol 

thank you so much for everything hayley!

[badstoriesaboutgoodpeople]

Amnesia

AN: Hey! This is the first fanfic I’ve written in years, so please be nice to me lol. It’s based on the song Amnesia by 5sos, basically I wrote about Tyler breaking up with his girlfriend to move to Dallas, and of course I also wrote their eventual reunion. It’s really cheesy and I kinda hate it, but that’s ok. I hope you guys enjoy it because I read a lot of fanfics and I know how frustrating it is to read poorly written/boring work. Also I know I said this was going up on the 8th but I didn’t really want to wait because I have my Jujhar Khaira fic to post, I just posted something about PLD on my ao3, I’m in the middle of writing another fic about Tyler, and I have fics planned for draisaitl and mcdavid.

Warnings: none really, it’s sad for a bit but then it’s fluffy

You got home from work to find Tyler sitting on your couch, which wasn't an uncommon sight. You'd given him a key to your apartment when you'd moved in, and he'd often come over to watch movies after a game, or come help you make dinner when he had nothing better to do. You’d been dating for a few years, you got together before his NHL debut. What was uncommon about seeing him sitting there were the tears on his face.

"Tyler, what's wrong?" you asked, placing your purse on the ground and kicking off your heels before walking over to sit next to him on the couch. He didn't respond, he merely buried his face in your neck and continued crying.

"Ty, hun, tell me what has you so upset."

"I'm leaving."

"What do you mean you're leaving Ty, what's going on?"

"I got traded Y/N, I'm moving to Dallas."You sat there stunned, not knowing how to respond. You felt your eyes water at the thought of being without him, but you knew you couldn't let yourself be upset right now, Ty needed you to be strong. You feel his arms squeeze you tighter, and you were forced back to reality.

"What are we gonna do Y/N, you just got a promotion, you can't leave."

"We can try to make it work Ty..... we can Skype every night?" you offered, knowing this wasn't a solution, but not wanting to think about the reality of what would likely end up happening to your relationship.

"Y/N..... you know how busy I'll be, there's no way we would be able to make that work," Ty said while sniffling.

"I know, I just can't imagine being without you Ty. I'm happy for you though, maybe a fresh start will be good for you. You're a great player, Dallas is lucky to have you."

You spent the rest of the night in each other's arms, fearing what would happen once you let go.

Three Years Later

You were driving home from work one day, and you passed the restaurant Tyler and you used to frequent after he'd won a game, remembering the nights you spent there together with the rest of his team celebrating.

I thought about our last kiss, how it felt, the way you tasted

You thought back to the last time you kissed Tyler, in the airport before his flight to Dallas. He tasted like his favourite peppermint gum, and his lips felt soft and familiar against yours. You had agreed to break up before he left and he got a girlfriend shortly after his arrival, so the few times you'd been able to make it to Dallas to visit him, you weren't able to kiss him, and it's something you missed dearly.

Even though your friends tell me you're doing fine, are you somewhere feeling lonely when though she's right beside you?

You had made friends with some of Tyler's teammates the few times you'd travelled to Dallas, and you made a point to text Jaime regularly to make sure Tyler was doing alright. You still talk to Ty, but knowing him he won't tell you if anything is wrong. You still wonder if he's hiding something, but you have to tell myself there's nothing else you can do.

If what we had was real, how could you be fine? 'Cause I'm not fine at all

You haven't been able to find a date since Tyler left, knowing nobody would be able to fill the void that Ty left. It wouldn't be fair to date someone when you’re still pining after your first love who now lives almost 2,000 miles away. You tried dating apps and even blind dates set up by your friends, but they all fell short compared to what you'd had with Ty. You still wonder how he managed to find someone just months after moving to Dallas, how he was able to get over the years you had together so quickly.

I wish that I could wake up with amnesia, and forget about the stupid little things, like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you.

The first few months of sleeping alone had been torture. You'd become so used to falling asleep next to him that you found it impossible to sleep without him. No amount of pillows could replicate the feeling of him next to you, snoring quietly and occasionally mumbling in his sleep. You would often lay awake at night wondering what your life would be like if you had fought harder to keep him with you. You think about what would've happened if you'd quit your job and moved to Dallas with him. Truthfully you still do think about it, when you can't sleep or when you sit alone at my desk at work eating lunch.

October

One day your boss called you into his office, with a proposal. He told you they're planning on opening a new location in the south, and that they'd love to have you there working for them. You swore you misheard him because it sounded like he just said it will be in Dallas. You immediately took the offer, willing to take any opportunity you had to get closer to Tyler after three years without him in your life. You pulled out your phone to text Jaime once you returned to your desk.

Y/N: hey uh weird question but do u know if ty is single rn?

J: he's painfully single, he complains about it every chance he gets

Y/N: on a scale from 1-10 how happy do u think he'd be if he found out I'm moving to dallas for work

J: probably a 10 tbh, he misses you more than he'd like to admit

Y/N: I'm planning on surprising him will u help me? make sure he doesn't find out I'm moving!!

J: will do, look forward to seeing ur stupid face again

You also texted Ty, and begin laying the foundation for your surprise.

Y/N: hey ty, i know i said id try to make it to dallas for ur bday but I'm getting really busy at work rn :( my boss says it doesn't look like ill be able to get time off until march. i promise ill come down then, I'm really sorry i won't be there for ur bday

T:Hey! No worries Y/N, I understand. I look forward to seeing you in march :)

January 28th

You arrived in Dallas two weeks ago, and avoiding Ty had been pure agony. You met up with Jaime and a few of the other guys for dinner, getting all the updates on their lives and Tyler's. You found out he has three dogs now, and you must say you're not surprised. Tyler and you were going to adopt a puppy but then he got traded, and you knew it was only a matter of time before he finally got one. You decide to text him to put the finishing touches on your surprise.

Y/N: hey stranger!! I sent u a bday gift, it should hopefully arrive sometime soon :D

T: aw thx, you know you didn't have to get me anything

Y/N: hey, i had to make up for missing ur bday somehow. I hope you like it!

T: ill love anything you picked out for me :)

Y/N: oh shut up XD

You decided his "gift" is going to arrive on the 30th, considering you wanted to be with him on his birthday, plus you didn't know how much longer you could wait to see him. You texted Jaime and tell him to make sure Tyler doesn't have any plans that day, and you went to  buy some balloons. You bought some green and white ones for Dallas, and some yellow and black just for good measure. You squished them in my car and drive back to your apartment buzzing with excitement.

January 30th

You woke up an hour before your alarm was set, unable to contain your excitement. It was only 8AM, but you decided to text Tyler to let him know his "gift" would be arriving soon.

Y/N:hey ty, just checked the tracking and it says ur gift should arrive this afternoon

T:ooooh any hints?

Y/N:no!! be paaaaaaatient

T: but that's no fun :(

You smiled as you set your phone down and began to get ready. As 1PM rolled around you could hardly contain your excitement anymore. You still felt a slight bit of anxiety, worrying Tyler won't be as happy to see you as you were hoping he'd be. You heard your phone buzz, and see a text from Jaime.

J: hurry up and go take back your bf, if i have to hear him bitch about being lonely one more time i s2g ill scoop my own brain out w a spoon

Y/N:stop being so dramatic I'm just about to leave

You gathered the balloons and the gift bag containing some snacks from back home in Boston, a card from all his friends, and a nice watch you'd picked out for him. You glanced at yourself in the mirror and took a deep breath as you walked out the door of your apartment.

You soon find yourself in his driveway, and you could barely contain yourself as you got the balloons out. You slowly walked up to the door, unable to believe what you were about to do. You knocked loudly, and heard a dog begin to bark.

You heard a familiar voice shout, "Gerry! Be quiet! It's just the mailman for god's sake," and hear footsteps approaching.

You felt a huge smile form on your face as Tyler opened the door and was greeted with a face all of balloons.

"Surprise!" you yelled, feeling what you assume was Gerry jumping all over you.

".......Y/N? What are you doing here? I thought you couldn't get time off?" Tyler said in disbelief, and you felt two strong arms wrap around your shoulders and squeeze you tight.

"That may have been a lie...." you said sheepishly, handing him the balloons and gift bag. He looked so much different than the scrawny boy that left Boston, now sporting a full beard and tattooed arms. You took a moment to savour being around him again, before he ushered you inside.

"So how are you? I feel like I haven't talked to you in forever?" you asked, sitting down on a large couch in his well decorated family room.

"You literally texted me this morning," he replied, sitting beside you while the other two dogs attempted to climb over him to come say hi.

"Don't be a smartass, you know what I mean. We haven't had a proper conversation since before the season started."

"Things have been great. I love it here, the weather is so much better than Boston. The guys here are awesome, the chemistry we have as a team is amazing. I still miss home though, those guys will always be my family. I miss you too, you know. I tried to replace you but I just couldn't. Hell, I bought three dogs and even that didn't work. You're clearly pretty special Y/N, if even three cute labs can't replace you," said Tyler, with a hint of sadness in his eyes. It hit you then that you had to tell him you weren’t leaving, that you could finally be together again.

"Hey, you gotta open your present, I traveled a long way to deliver it personally," you joked, handing him the gift bag. You watched his eyes light up as he saw the snacks, and a large smile form when he read what his former teammates wrote for him. You told him you can return the watch if he doesn't like it, but he insisted he loves it. You laid on the couch for a bit, and you could tell he wanted to get closer to you but won't.

After a while he asked, "Hey Y/N, how long are you in town for?"

"Well I was gonna wait to give you the last bit of your surprise but since you asked I guess I can tell you. I moved here, Ty. I've been here for two weeks. The company is opening a location here and they wanted me to come work here. Once they told me it was in Dallas I couldn't resist."

You watched a look of realization develop on his face, and the next thing you knew his lips were against yours. They were just as soft as you remembered them, and he still tasted like peppermint. Without saying a word you felt him pick you up.

"Tyler what are you doing?!" I shriek as he begins walking somewhere.

"Making up for the three years I spent without you," he explains as he carried you down the hall towards his bedroom.

[medievalwhore]

Ah shit, here we go again. Merthur fic Res!

————————————

Morning

vvvv

Arthur complains about Merlin waking him up with the same “Rise and Shine!” everyday, and tells Merlin to try something different. And well, he does. {2,908}

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Furs and Flannels

vvvv

Sharing body heat fics? I think yes! Merlin shows up almost dead with a serious case of hypothermia, and with pounds of furs and flannels (hehe) on Merlin, Arthur still volunteers to help Merlin warm up faster. {4,894}

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Five Times Merlin and Arthur Slept Together Platonically, and One Time They Didn't

vvvv

Long ass title, great ass fic. Title explains itself. (Also, a few times seem arguably less “platonic” but, whatever :) ) {5,905}

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Breathless

vvvv

Merlin has an asthma attack when he’s ill, and Arthur finds it 100% necessary to take care of him from that moment. {2,268}

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Hugs Are For Losers

vvvv

The summary is all you need. Literally. If I summarized it now it would basically be the word for word summary from the author. (The ending hits differently) {3,888}

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a night out

vvvv

This one’s just a simple fic that is 100% canon. (They have to spend a night in the woods because their hunting trip didn’t go as planned) {3,255}

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Look After You

vvvv

Arthur is ill and Merlin takes care of him. There’s really not much else I can say, that’s literally it. (There’s a fun twist at the end ;) ) {6,166}

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nonesuch

vvvv

Alright bear with me; there’s gonna be quite a few ‘Sharing Body Heat’ fics ok. Even though Arthur could share a bed with someone in the winter to keep himself warm, he doesn’t. Merlin knows this, takes pity on Arthur, and takes matters into his own hands. {1,713}

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fallacy

vvvv

Arthur thinks Merlin is seeing a girl. Of course he fucking isn’t. (Which Arthur quickly learns) {2,000}

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fall Off The Earth

vvvv

A winter storms stops their journey back to Camelot, so they have to stay inside a cave for the night. With Arthur’s poor navigation and refusal to listen to Merlin, they’re in a bit of a pickle. + more sharing body heat (and maybe some more) {3,128}

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gone Fishing

vvvv

Arthur knows Merlin is keeping a secret from him, and he is determined to find out. So, he plans a short getaway trip for both of them, believing if Merlin is able to truly relax he’ll spill the tea. {4,269} hehe 69

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anniversary

vvvv

Arthur wants to give Merlin something on his birthday, just because, well, ya know, he wants to be nice. Though Arthur has trouble thinking of a good gift, so naturally, what does he decide on? Plums. Delicious plums. {1,909}

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Four times Arthur doesn’t notice Merlin kissing him – and one time he kisses Merlin first

vvvv

What can I say? I love 5+1 fics. (Or I guess in this case it’s 4+1). Title says it all. {1,997}

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Arthur Enchanted

vvvv

Arthur is cursed to obey Merlin’s orders. That’s it. That’s the fic. {4,958}

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Finding Home

vvvv

This one’s a good one. Gauis retires as court physician and Merlin gets kicked out of his room by the new physician. It’s mid winter, Merlin has nowhere to sleep, and it’s Arthur’s job to take care of Merlin. (This fic also has ‘Sharing Body Heat’. You’ll probably see it again) {7,857}

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Mystery of Merlin

vvvv

The description in this one confused the fuck outta me. But I don’t have any good way to summarize this.. you’ll just have to read. (Hint. Ass grab.) {2,224}

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Truth Is You

vvvv

Arthur gets himself into a situation and ends up getting slapped with a truth spell. This one’s got great angst at the interesting part (the end basically). Obviously, Arthur doesn’t wanna tell Merlin (or anyone really) the truth. And he must tell his biggest lie to break it. {8,957}

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

All Its Splendid Glory

vvvv

Alright so, Arthur gets hit with another spell, but this time, it’s a love spell. And Arthur’s enchanted to love Merlin. (Or that’s what Merlin thinks, he finds out he was wrong) {8,029}

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Friendly Slaps

vvvv

Merlin realizes that Arthur manhandles him more than anyone else, it doesn’t take him long to come up with a reason why. {4,044}

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

before it breaks

vvvv

Now this one...this one HURTS. It’s angsty, extremely, but everything is better in the end. Arthur knows Merlin’s secret, but it doesn’t go great at first. {2,750}

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Best Kept Secrets

vvvv

This one is so good! Merlin wants to take a vacation to Ealdor to relax from his duties (...and Arthur). But Arthur follows him anyways and it’s a much needed vacation for both of them. {7,099}

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What Arthur Knew

vvvv

A modern AU. Arthur is head over FUCKING heels for Merlin, he doesn’t really know how jealous he is, but there is some stuff he does know about himself. (5+1) {2,995}

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New Light

vvvv

This one’s short & kinda simple. But, idk, I like it. {1,201}

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Promised

vvv

This one is super duper short but it’s sweet and fluffy. {749}

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A Lesson In ‘Shut Up, Merlin’

vvvv

Arthur teaches Merlin how to kiss after asking him if he wants to kiss [Arthur]. Pretty much just 4,000 words of smooches. {4,522}

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Battle of Wills

vvvv

Basically, these shitheads are super competitive, and when Arthur makes a move to kiss Merlin, neither of them will back down. (Which of course, escalates fairly quickly) {1,903}

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Magic Word

vvvv

Read the description. The ending tho, holy fuck, so many emotions lmao. Y’all be fine. {4,271}

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Appreciated Merlin

vvvv

Merlin’s mind is wandering while he dresses Arthur in his armor in preparation for a tournament. Arthur takes advantage and studies Merlin and closely as he can. Since Merlin’s mind is somewhere else, Arthur decides to kiss him. {1,906}

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

all the best it could be (just you and i)

vvvv

When your best bud is gone for a few days, everyone knows that you must drink all you can. And when your ‘ol pal climbs two stories into your room, you gotta have a heart to heart convo. and make out. like best friends do. {7,860}

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

my body (when it is with your body)

vvvv

You ever...accidentally turn on your best friend...by rubbing his nipples...and then...uh...you know... [Smut. Just. Smut] {2,669}

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Happy Birthday

vvvv

Read the description. Arthur celebrates Merlin’s birthday 4 times before he actually gets his birthdate right. {4,193}

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On the Importance of Hot Beverages (And Other Methods of Keeping Warm)

vvvv

Arthur has Merlin venture into town with him one cold winter day. Merlin, not expected the cold weather, isn’t too happy about it until the end. {2,164}

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Practice Makes Perfect

vvvv

After Arthur learns of Merlin’s magic, he thinks they should train so Arthur can counter-attack magical strokes. Or whatever. It’s literally the description lol. {3,057}

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Can We Always Be This Close?

vvvv

Merlin’s goes to Ealdor to tend to Hunith’s farm while she’s away, to his surprise Arthur really wants to join him. (A week of domestic farm-life work and reveals? oh yeah) {7,982}

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Thin Band of Gold

vvvv

Basically, Arthur likes Merlin in his clothes: both the boys realize so there’s really no denying it. It starts with Arthur’s price circlet, and doesn’t stop from there. {3,418}

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[din-skywalker]

Silenced Tongue- Part 1

Warning: This fic has graphic depictions of torture; including the sewing of human lips. If you are uncomfortable with this, then do not read this fic. There will be kinder fics in the future from me.

ok right off the bat... sorry guys. ya’ll be leaving me a ton of cool ideas to write, then im over here writing something literally no one asked for and something probably no one wanted aside from me lol. besides, people were wanting angst, and this has angst and ton of pain 

sorry atreus

anyway, enjoy:

Atreus doesn't know how long he has been in his captor’s grasp before he woke from unconsciousness, but he knows it's been long enough already. He groans, sitting up from the hard ground his captors has left him. He lifts a hand to his aching head, noticing the iron shackle around his wrist. Normally, if held like this- which was one other time, his father doesn't much like him being in the enemy’s hands- he would use his magic to make them unlock. However, upon further observation, he curses silently when he sees glowing runes etched into the metal. So they must block his magic and keep him from using it.

He sighs heavily and looks around where he is currently; what appears to be old ruins, it would seem like. He's on the edge of a large, circular stone, huge rocks stacked around the circumference in different patterns. Nearby, he can see what looks like tents and a campfire. And, sitting around the fire, are a group of dwarves.

Ah. So he was captured by dwarves of all creatures. Father would not be amused. He's not amused.

They don't seem to have noticed he's awoken, yet,  though. He could try to find a way to escape while they haven't noticed.

He reaches under the sleeve of his armor, thanking whatever god is listening- probably his father, then- that they hadn't patted him down. He finds the lockpick hidden underneath his wrist and pulls it out, setting to work on freeing himself. When the shackle clicks off, he lightly sets it on the ground beside him and slowly stands, glancing towards the dwarves.

And stops when he sees that they're no longer there.

He's just thinking of how terrible a fool he was when one randomly appears beside him. “Well, boys, would you lookie here,” the dwarf snickers, moving so fast Atreus can hardly see him. He ends up getting a fist slammed into his gut. He wretches and is then pushed to the ground as another of the dwarves kicks his backside.

“The little bastard is awake!” another of the dwarves exclaims, licking Atreus square in the face. He falls to his side, rolling just as another dwarf appears out of nowhere, landing where his head had just been.

“Woah!” Atreus exclaims, hopping to his feet, backing up until he hits one of the boulders surrounding the circle. He pants, looking from dwarf to dwarf as they slowly approach him, each holding a look of ill intent in their eye. Maybe he could somehow get out of this. Dwarves weren't exactly the brightest of creatures, after all. “What is going on? Why did you kidnap me?”

“Don't act stupid, bastard,” the first dwarf said. He was the tallest of the three with a set of golden armor similar to Sindri’s- though, of course, it doesn't have the same attention to detail. “We know who you are.”

“And we know what you will do,” says another, the shortest of the bunch. His armor is ragged cut fur, covering most of his body.

“And we know how to stop you from doing it,” the lay dwarf finishes and Atreus can now see how similar they look. Brothers, perhaps?

“I honestly don't know what you're talking about,” Atreus says, hoping he sounds confused enough about the situation to their thick skulls. “You must have the wrong person.”

The dwarves pause and look from one another. Good. His words are working so far. Maybe he could push a little more. “I promise I'm just some random mortal Midgardian who was out hunting with his Midgardian Father when you attacked us.”

They begin to mutter to one another. Atreus begins to slowly inch along the face of the boulder, thinking that he could possibly slip away. “And look, I’ll even leave, free of charge,” he said. And then he's darting around the boulder, sprinting down the side of a hill the ruins are situated on. He wobbled forwards and back to keep his balance as he hurries down the steep hillside, nearly losing his footing once or twice.

“Get him!” one of the dwarves shouts from behind and he knows they're chasing him now.

Atreus clears his throat and gathers his magic back to him, yelling out the words of a tracking spell. One that his father knows as well, and that will tell his father where he is currently. “Jag är här!” his voice booms from his mouth, echoing loudly around him and soaring through the sky. In the direction of his father. He sets off that way, hoping to try and at least meet him halfway.

But then the tallest dwarf appears in front of him, punching him in the face before he could stop. He stumbles backwards, nearly falling again because of his body’s continued inertia and he grabs at his throbbing nose, sure that it was broken as blood trickles from it.

“And where do you think you're goin?” the dwarf demands, grabbing a handful of his hair and yanking his head towards his face. Damn. A dwarf is still taller than him. He really needs to have his growth spurt already. “We ain't finished with you yet.”

“Yes, well, I could hardly breathe around you three,” Atreus snarks, unable to help himself. It's his last line of defense. “You stink worse than the World Serpent’s breath.”

The dwarf growls, slamming his fist back into Atreus’s face. Atreus sputters and throws a blind kick, hitting the dwarf in the shin. He tumbled back a few steps, drawing in another deep breath, readying himself for another spell. “Jeg opfordrer-!”

But a fist connects with the back of his head before he could finish the incantation. He bites down on his tongue, tasting even more blood just as a knee slams into his stomach. He ends up coughing, splattering the blood on the ground that was suddenly very close to him.

“We’re gonna need to do somethin about that tongue of his, aren't we?” one dwarf asks of the other two. They all snicker.

“I have just the idea, brother,” a second agrees and ah, Atreus had been right. They are brothers. He looks up, vision blurry just in time to see the dwarf reach into a sack hanging from his hip not unsimilar to Sindri’s, pulling out a clump of long, golden string. Atreus’s stomach turns when a needle is pulled out afterwards. He doesn't know what they're planning, but he knows whatever it is, it's not going to turn out good for him.

“Clever, brother,” the third dwarf remarks, taking the needle and thread from much thicker hands into his more nimble fingers. Atreus’s eyes widen as they look towards him, malice in their eyes. “To shut the bastard up, we just have to sew his lips together, after all.”

Atreus’s heart stops and he kicks at the ground, scrambling to get away from them just as the two larger dwarves dive at the ground, grabbing him by the armpits and forcing him back. He kicks and thrashes, pulling at his arms and struggling best he can to get away because oh gods they're actually going to do it. “No no no-!” he screams, drawing in another breath, a quick spell coming to mind, “Pola poltta-!”

But a hand slaps over his mouth and then his head is getting slammed into the ground. He chokes on a cry, not willing to give them the satisfaction as the dwarf with the needle bends down. “Keep the bastard still,” he said, threading the golden string through the needle. “This may take a while.”

The dwarves then situate him to where his stomach is pressed to the ground, the tallest dwarf digging a knee into his spine, holding his arms by his wrists, while the other is holding a handful of his hair, one hand gripping his chin in a vice grip. Atreus tugs at his head, trying to yank it back but the dwarves hold firm and he can only kick his legs- not that it does much for him. He kicks and thrashes best he can just as the third dwarf crouches in front of him, raising the needle towards his face.

“This ought to silence your silver tongue, Loki,” the dwarf spits his mother’s given name out like it were poison. And then he's pressing the tip of the needle through Atreus’s skin where his lip begins. The boy’s entire body jolts as the metal needle slips through skin and lip, through the bottom and lip and through the top where the dwarf pulls it through fully, dragging the string after it. Atreus’s head snaps, trying to jolt backwards, but the dwarves hold firm, even as his body instinctively thrashes.

“Stop stop stop stop-!” Atreus screams but the dwarf holding his head forces his mouth closed by grabbing both of his cheeks, applying enough pressure to keep his jaws shut. He continues trying to thrash, trying to fight as the needle is now forced through his top lip. He can feel the cool metal needle sliding through his flesh and skin, can feel the golden thread dragging after it, pulling his top lip towards his bottom. He now willingly keeps his mouth shut as they pull the needle through for the fifth time- the thick string is forcing his lips to stay together, yes, but it is also too blindingly painful for Atreus to try and open them again. This would cause the string to pull on the new wounds in his skin.

Blood seeps down his chin and drips to the ground beneath him and what feels like an eternity of agonizingly slow minutes to Atreus sluggishly pass. The dwarf dragging the needle and thread through Atreus’s lips is nearing the other corner of his lip. The other two dwarves have slackened their grips, having found the boy limp and unresistant now as the pain completely set throughout his entire body. In fact, if it weren't for the dwarf holding his head up, Atreus probably would have already pressed his head into the ground. Smashed it in, too, probably.

And finally, finally, the dwarf pulls the string through the opposite corner of where he had started. He removes what's left of the thread from the needle, tucking on it a little- Atreus flinches and groans softly- to make sure it was in good. Satisfied with his work, he ties the two ends into knots. Then, he shakes his blood covered hands and smirks at his brothers.

“Finished,” he announces, standing straight up. “I feel like he won't be causing anyone else any trouble for a long time, brothers. What do you two think?”

The large dwarf removes his knee from Atreus’s back but still the boy does not move. He hovers in front of the boy, scrunching his eyes to examine his brother’s work. “You sewed pretty crooked there, brother,” he points out, touching the middle of Atreus’s top lip, a dark amusement in his eyes as the boy whimpers in pain. “Perhaps we should redo it?”

Atreus whimpers more at the thought of going through that utter hell once more, finally letting the tears he'd been holding back up to that point run free. He just wants to go home. To wake up from a nightmare.

He just wants his father.

“No, no, brother,” the third interjects, letting Atreus’s head drop to the ground as he stands as well. “We wouldn't want to waste our precious string on this vile silver tongue, now would we?”

“Right you are, brother,” the first agrees. “Shall we be off then?”

“Well, it seems our work here is done, so let's,” the second said.

And then, thankfully, the dwarves leave.

Atreus curls in on himself, tears flowing quicker as he begins to hyperventilate. His body instinctively tries to open his mouth to draw in the quick breaths of air that it needs, only for the strings to tear and more blood to gush out and for more pain to explode throughout his body. He sobs loudly, body lifting from the ground so that he could tenderly like at his sewn mouth, sobbing more as even this causes more pain.

His young mind could hardly even process how much agony he was in currently. It was just too much and he knows he was going into shock but he couldn't stop it as his back arches, body shaking as it tries to gain the air it so needs.

He ends up thankfully passing out.

At least he can't feel the pain when unconscious.

~~~

yea... i kinda feel bad for doing this to atreus but like... i hadnt written anything brutal in so long that i really really wanted to.

Anyway, tell me what you think. And yes, there will be more parts. At least two or three more parts if I continue to be motivated to write it.

REBLOGS>LIKES

Tag list(let me know if you want to be added):

@northeasternwind @cinderletters @ali-alal @thesupernova411 @the-fungeon-of-lady-lazarus @foxteeeth @hexxous @nekorse @sugar--happy @sehumksh @izzyhere @magicpandacats @pinanolada @immortanholmes999 @astronomical-gays @elitatheblackcat @atreus-kratos-mythology @shade-without-color

@anafogg

[thoughtsoftheantagonist]

A Song for You

This is it, folks. Shit hits the fan multipule times in this. Hope your ready. Posting early because i will be gone my normal posting day. Mostly Joy this chapter but I promise Juan will be back lol

Chapter 12

Juice POV

Peace, warmth, and the smell of Joy's shampoo are the first things that come to his senses as he slowly wakes. Turning his head he rubs his face into the pillow with a groan as he stretches out his legs. Turning onto his back he sees Joy standing in the bathroom, her long wet curls falling to the small of her back as she combs it out with her fingers. Standing he makes his way to the dresser, yanking on some boxers he makes his way it the bathroom, walking up behind her he plants a kiss on her head as he moves to the other sink next to her. He goes about shaving and brushing his teeth, they were both silent but it wasn't a horrible ,deafening silence, it was the kind that can only come from being so totally connected with someone that words aren't needed. He is wiping off his face when her arms slide around his waist, her cheek resting on his back as she hugs him close. Placing a hand over hers rested on his stomach he sighs. “Morning Baby.” he shivers when her lips press slow, random kisses on his skin.

Reaching back he grips her hip in one hand, tilting his head back he smirks up at the ceiling before saying “Didn't you get enough last night?” he chuckles when she bites down on his back lightly “I can never get enough of you, Juan Carlos.” he smiles and turns, his hands holding her face. Pressing a quick kiss to her lips he sighs “We need to get ready. Meeting in two hours and I think it takes an hour to get there. I'll get to work on breakfast. Fruit good with you?” Joy nods and leans up on her toes, her soft lips press against his, his hands slide down her body, gripping handfuls of her curvy little ass. Lifting her he carries her out to the bed, maybe a little morning session wouldn't hurt.

Hour time jump

He watches Joy shove at Tig, every since they got here, a whole twenty minutes late the guys had been giving them shit. He didn't honestly care, but Joy was doling out ass whopping to anyone who snickered, he wasn't going to apologize for being balls deep inside Joy, not happening. They kept telling him it would fade, that it was just the honeymoon phase bullshit but he honestly doubted that shit. Watching his soon to be wife take all these guys on in all her five foot, three-inch glory was hilarious. She rounds on him when she hears him laughing, her hazel eyes narrowing as she closes in on him, her hands swinging in light handed smacks on his arm. “I'm over here defending our love and your giggling!? Asshole!” he quickly wraps his arms around her, locking her windmill like arms down against her sides, pressing a kiss under her ear he whispers “Oh don't act hurt. Your acting is shit.” she tries not to smirk, but again her acting is shit and she finally laughs along with him, the guys making ill noises in the background.

They are pulled from their moment when a car pulls up. He reluctantly releases her, watching her mask slam down like a steel trap. His girl was gone, sonshine was out to play. He stands behind her watching the car pull to a stop, his chuckle is humorless when he hears Chibs whispers “Here we go. The Kings. Shall we say hello, Bobby?” he watches them walk ahead, standing with Joy off to the side, they all watch Clay greet the Kings, he briefly thinks how out of place these guys look, their suits and Shiney shoes out here in the sticks in front of a barn. He would laugh if he felt it were appropriate, and wouldn't get him funny looks, he sees Jax pull up out of the corner of his eyes, but keeps his gaze focused on the suited men. One of the men, Gaalan he believes, sweeps his eyes over the barn and the miles of clear land. The distaste in his eyes is obvious “This is quaint. Nice and private.” he hears more then sees Joys scuff, stepping up next to her side he bumps her shoulder. Seems Joy's tolerance for bullshit was already low today, this should be interesting. Clay brushes it off with one of his prized grins “Owner's a friend. Dummy corps protects everybody.”

One of the Kings a smaller man whose name he couldn't place arches a brow “Even from the cartel?” the tension is thick with that question and he wasn't the only son to step closer to his old lady. That was a wound that wouldn't heal for a while “My guys are here 24/7. Guns are safe.” he watches Jax pass him, seeing him press a quick kiss to the side of Joy's head as he makes his way to the Kings “Hey. Sorry, I'm late.” Gaalan takes Jax hand, staring him down he says “Guess you had more pressing business.” both he and Hap lay a hand on joys shoulders, her jerk forward only seen by them luckily. The fuck was this guys issue, he got Jax should have been here but fuck that noise when it came to old ladies. This shit could wait, Jax doesn't seem too fazed and easily replies “Mother of my son in the hospital.” the tallest of them nods, his gaze going from Jax too, surprisingly, Joy. “Aye, we heard. Sorry about your girl. And you as well Lass.” he watches Joy bow her head towards him but kept her mouth shut. “Unfortunate events such as yours, are the reason why this cartel deal worries us.” seems not all the Kings have faith in this new business venture.

They follow everyone into the barn, he grabs Joy's arm making them the last in the group, grabbing her face he makes her look at him and he hisses through his teeth. “Keep your shit together. This isn't the Mayans or anything you have fucked with before. Don't get fucking froggy Joy these guys have no issues with killing you for thinking about jumping. Got me?” she looks at him wide-eyed but she seems clear-headed, he nods and walks ahead of her. He loved his girl, more than anything but he swore one of these days her mouth and quick temper were going to get her into deep shit. He sits close to the door on one of the rolling tables they used for building, Hap leaning next to him on the wall and Tig a little away off. Leaving Chibs, Jax, Clay, and Bobby at the table, he let's Joy stand between his legs, her ass leaning against the table, his hands rested on her hips and her hands rested on his knees as they watched the meeting unfold. He knew the Kings wouldn't take kindly to them using the big guns to help save his, Joy, Clay and Romeos asses. But to him it seemed Gaalan had an issue more with Jax than anything else, the way the man looked at him set not just him on edge but Joy it seemed. But he would think on that later, right now he had to focus, he needed a time and location to give Potter or he was dead “I need assurances.”

His ears perk up, this was it. Please let this be it. “We're gonna meet with Romeo tomorrow. He's gonna answer all your questions, address all your concerns, I promise.” he watches Gaalan look to the smallest of them, the man nods and Gaalan sighs “Meet needs to be on neutral ground. Bring them a sample of the weapons. If it works out, bring them back here, do the exchange.” Clay nods, his eyes on the table as he speaks “There's an Indian reservation ten minutes from here. Very private.” Gaalan pauses before nodding “Three o'clock.” Clays grin is large, he knows he has won this battle. “Good.” he kisses the side of Joy's head, his stomach rolling because he now has a time, and he has to give it to Potter. Please don't let this rip his club apart.

Joy POV

Juan had left her to use the bathroom, but she knew he was talking to Potter. It made her ill but she had a plan, she and Jax needed to talk and soon. She sees him walking off and quickly runs after him. “Jax! Hey hold up I wanna talk.” Jax sits down onto his bike, lighting a cig he grins at her “Yeah Darlin?” she sighs, he looks somewhat peaceful, maybe tired but a part of her knew this wasn't the time. “It can wait. But I need to talk to you tonight, please. It's important.” he nods and brings grabs her hand, squeezing it before letting go, stepping back she watches him take off. The letters were at the house and if Juan was right they would take him into holding again now that they had the location for the meet. Meaning another restless night, it's ok though because tonight she had a mission. Looking up she sees Chibs holding Juan by the neck, dragging him out of the barn with a grin. She sits down on her bike, lighting a cig of her own she glares at her father as he steals it from her, glaring she lights another only to have that stolen by Juan. She growls, pulling her kabar from her thigh “Anyone touches this next one won't be having children again or ever.” she eyes them all as she lights up, leaving her Kabar in her lap she sighs “Let's head back. I have some filing to do at the garage and I know a few of you assholes have a shift.” they all groan by climb onto their bikes, Juan leaning down to kiss her cheek before climbing onto his. He seemed ok, focused but she knew he was worried about leaving her alone again. The last time he did she and Tara had been kidnapped, almost.

Hour time skip

She had her reading glasses on, sifting through stacks of recipes and appointments when a knock on the office door disturbs her. She turns and glares at the door before yelling at it. “If you don't come with food piss off.” she heard Juan and her dad's chuckle outside the door. She turns off the music playing from radio and watches her men come in, Chinese takeout piled up in their arms and she can't help but smile. Standing she helps them put things in place right as someone pulls up, she moves to check it out but her dad points to the food “Eat. I got it.” she kisses his cheek and sits down on the couch with Juan, leaning into his side while she eats her lo mein. She feels him pressing kisses to the back of her head between bites and lapses in conversation about the wedding. Tilting Her head back she giggles when her head slides down his chest, his hand catching the back of her head before it falls into his lap and his food, lucky for both of them she braided her hair back tightly today. Taking his offered kiss she sighs, whispering against his lips “I'm going to miss you tonight if they take you…..but I'm talking to Jax. About the letters so I have something to keep me occupied.” he nods, his eyes tracing over her face, he grins and presses a smacking kiss between her eyes before helping her sit back up.

They barely finish their food before his phone goes off, snatching it from his cut he checks it seeing a missed message from Clear Passages. Taking the last bites from his mustard chicken he tosses the container into the trash with a sigh. “Seems there is an issue at CP. I'll head down there and be back in an hour. If I'm not……” she knew He hated how sad it made her, him being in holding.  Taking her lo mein from her he sets it on the desk and wraps his arms around her from behind, his face pressed into her neck as he tried to comfort her. But sadly it did very little, she just wanted this over, she wanted to be with her old man, sunny, her father and this club. She was tired of being without him. She sees her father come in and locks eyes with him, the man freezes for a second but sits across from them on the wall. “Talk” Juan kisses the side of her head before replying “I gotta go to CP to check something. Shouldn't take me more than an hour but it would be the perfect time for me to be snatched up by ATF.” Hap nods, his eyes bouncing between herself and Juan before he replies “I'll stay the night again. If your not back don't worry.”

She reaches over and hands her dad his food, a small but genuine smile on her lips when she sees him dig into his food with gusto. The man was a human garbage disposal, but she loved him, turning her head she rests her forehead against Juan's jaw. Inhaling the smell of his cologne deep into her lungs and letting it soothe her before getting to her feet, her hand held out to him. “Come on businessman. Go take care of business.” he grabs her hand and stands, wrapping his arm around her shoulder he pats her father on the shoulder on the way out. She knows he is a grown ass man and doesn't need her help but she straps on his helmet for him while he puts on his gloves and sunglasses.Holding his face in her hands she takes the soft kiss he offers her, letting him wrap his arms around her he yanks her close, his head rested on her chest.

They both turn as Jax walks up behind her “ Where you going?” she smiles at the greeting kiss to her head and releases Juan. “ Weed shop. But saying Goodbye in case they try that holding shit again.” Jax nods, wrapping a brotherly arm around her shoulder “We will watch out for her brother. Promise. And hey don't carry.” He points to Juan, a stern look on his face. Juan smirks nods, starting up his bike she and Jax step back and watch him take off. She sighs and lets her head rest on Jax's shoulder “It doesn't get easier does it…..when they aren't around.” Jax chuckles and gives her shoulder a good squeeze “No. Not even for a second.” She oddly enough finds some comfort in that, she pats him in the side and turns to head to the office “Hey. Come to the house tonight. We gotta talk Jax.” he nods and drags Bobby and Clay into the garage, she closes the door to the office and turns the music up so she can't hear them….She couldn't handle much else.

She is almost done with filing, everything was finally going digital and would be less of a hassle for all involved. She looks up as the door from the garage opens, looking over she sees Jax looking at her with Chibs just behind him “Feel like playing muscle today? You and Hap?” she looks at her father, he had finished his food a few minutes ago and was just lazing about on the couch. He looks at her and a mischievous smirk takes over his feature, her face copying his she looks back at Jax and hears Chibs chuckle behind him “Oh Jesus. It's the murder twins smirk….Run Jackie boy.” Her and her father's laughter echoes of the walls of the small office as they stand and head for the bikes.

Hour time jump

She was beyond happy she braided her hair back today as the rain sprinkled down on them as they trail behind Mr.Luck of the Irish to wherever the fuck they were going. Her and her father pulling up the rear behind Chibs, Tig, Jax, and Gaalan. She pretended to look disinterested but as always she and her father Heard everything around them, it pays to let people think your stupid “Anything we need to know here?” Gaalan is quiet for a moment before replying “Our American colleagues have put profit before protocol. We're just here to enforce decency.” Joy scuffs, making them all look back at her “And we're the enforcement?” Gaalan’s smirk is as cold as the raindrops on her cheeks “Stay close and look tough. Should be all we need. Understand Lass?” she nods, her eyes narrowed and her lip curled. Pretentious prick. Following them all in she sighs at the warmth of the place, looking around she shuddered. Looks like a little old lady lived here, that manufactured lived in look, lace and flower patterns all over. she watches Jax as he watches a woman holding a baby walk up the stairs.

Her and Chibs stand on either side of him “Smell something funny brother?” Jax's nods, his eyes locked on the woman as Chibs whispers “What the hell is this place?” Jax shrugs but moves towards the stairs, she follows him to watch his back “I'm gonna look around.” going up the stairs behind Jax she keeps her hands on the kabar strapped to her thigh, a large man comes down the hallway, his eyes narrowed on her and Jax as he comes towards them, barrel chest stuck out trying to look intimidating “Hey, what are you two doing here?” she smirks at him, seemed to only make the asshole puff up like a blowfish, looking past him she sees a girl, maybe a year or so younger than herself with tear trails on her cheeks “We are with Galen.” Joy tries to reach past the man for to the crying girl “Are you okay sugar?” her hand is snatched by the man and she hisses at him as he growls at her “Get downstairs now.” Joy snatches her Glock from under her shirt and pistol whips the big bastard, smirking when he hits the ground hard. “I'm not talking to you.”

She watches Jax head down the hall pushing doors open as he goes, his face becoming more and more white as he goes, and that's when she hears a sound that makes her heart clench. She moves to stand next to him, there have to be twenty kids in this one house alone. It was just like the stories Juan and her Dad told her about Ireland, she puts her hand on Jax's back “Christ Jax's there are so many.” he moves past her to shove open the door next to the stairs just as the guys clamor up the stairs. Her father, seeing the distressed look on her face looks her over then he notices the babies as Chibs talks to Jax “Jesus Christ. What the hell is this, Jackie?”  Jax doesn't reply, his eyes fixated on the crying children “It's another goddamn baby factory apparently. Twenty or so kids it looks like.” Her father's curses and Tig looks at the other rooms in disbelief. They hear shouting and she and Chibs aim down the hall, but Jax knocks down their hands “No. No guns. Too many kids.” She puts her gun away, and charges down the hall, her father close behind as she knocks a goon down, he might be bigger than her but he wasn't much of a challenge. She knocks him out quickly finds her dad in the room next to where she had been, rolling around she sees them hit a crib, as it starts to fall she snatches the crying babe from it and holds it close to her chest as the crib falls over. Watching the others fight she tries to calm the wailing infant in her arms. She hears Gaalan in the hallways, walking out she locks eyes with him as she bounces the now quiet baby. Well….this wouldn't be good.

Ten minutes later

The child had refused to let go of her, his small hands gripping her braid any time she tried so she had stopped trying. Sitting on the couch next to Her father and Chibs, her hand sliding up and down the now sleeping babes back. She was tempted to take the child if she was honest, she hated this place and didn't want the poor guy here but she already knew he wasn't meant to be hers, call it a woman's intuition. She can hear Jax in the other room, yelling and screaming. She hoped he wouldn't wake the poor kids again, standing she joins the guys next to the door. Grinning as Jax rubs the sleeping kids back, before turning to Clay, who was watching her and the kid, and odd look on his face “They should have told us.” Clay nods, his hand coming up to pet the back of the small child's head with oddly gently fingers, considering the man's size. “Your right. Just stay clear of these guys ok?” they all nod, Clay grins at her. “Gonna keep this one?” she chuckles and whispers “No. He isn't meant to be mine. Just wanted him to sleep before I gave him back.”

A very scared looking woman walks over to her. She sighs and gently hands her the baby, pressing a parting kiss to the babies forehead she watches them walk away. She felt Chibs hand on her shoulder, she lets him lead her outside into the rain, his heavy arm around her shoulder. “You will have your own soon enough lass. Just don't rush and give them all your love when you do have them.” she nods, she knows she did the right thing. That baby deserves a better parent then she or Juan could or would be right now with everything going on, they would have children, through natural means or adoption. And that child would be loved….but not now.

Several Hours Later (SpongeBob Voice)

After the baby fiasco as she was now calling it she had spent the rest of the day finally bringing Teller - Morrow into the twenty-first century. Making sure to have a hard drive for contacts, parts, work done, work needing done and also having pictures of work done by the guys. She had been thinking mostly about Jax when doing this, he was an alright mechanic and his work spoke for itself so she had made something for him to take with him when he left. A portfolio of sorts that he could hand to shops where he and Tara finally settled down. Did she want Jax gone? No. But she was going to give him every fucking advantage so if he didn't make it out there, it wasn't because of anything he did wrong. She is putting copies of Jax work into a manilla Envelope when her club burner rings. “Talk to me.” it's silent for a moment except for low and controlled breathing “Joy. It's Op. Can you please come to the funeral home?” she felt a cold, violent splash in the pit of her stomach as her heart dropped, she agrees and hangs up, quickly yells for one of the prospects telling him to not touch shit but the phones and ran for her bike. Only two things could cause Op to be there, the first was Lyla and then there was Piney. She prayed as she raced through traffic that she was wrong, that Clay hadn't gone too far to hide the secrets she knew in lay these letters.

She pulls up the same time as Jax, both of them racing for the door and yanking it open. She is surprised to see Unser, but her attention quickly turns to Op and Jax as they hug she catches sight of Pineys blood stained denim and feels tears slide down her cheeks. As Jax pulls away from Op she crashes into her tallest brothers chest, sobbing into his leather, damn Clay. Damn that man to hell, Piney knew nothing of the letters except what Tara might have told him, but if she knew Piney the man held his poker face all the way to the end. Op hands her off to Jax, who wraps her up tightly, both of them watching Opie toss Pineys denim into the fire, it was a full two hours of stone silence. Watching the flames consume not just a brother, but a first nine and a man she had come to see as a grandfather. Clay would pay for this, and now that she saw how far he would go she had no doubt that Clay was behind what happened to her and Tara……..Clay wod not only pay, he would suffer.

Walking out of the funeral home she sees it's dark, she shoots a quick text to her dad to let him know where the hidden key is so he can get into the house. She was going to be a while. She it sitting on her bike she hears Jax ask Opie “You wanna tell me what happened to Piney?” looking up she jumps off her bike when Opie points his sidearm at Jax, her Glock was down by her side but aimed at his foot, if she had to shoot Opie I wouldn't be anywhere vital. “You should know. You're Clay's boy.” Jax is pressed against her back, she didn't look back, her eyes locked on Opies trigger finger, he moves it in a twitch she is blowing his big toe off. “What are you talking about Op!?” Jax practically screams over her head Opie walks forward his hand aiming over her shoulder but she presses the barrel of her gun under his chin, he seems unfazed “Clay killed my old man.”  Jax is speechless, she sighs “He didn't know Op. Hell, I didn't know or suspect Clay was batshit until Tara and I were snatched.” Her eyes narrow as Opie moves his focus and the Barrel of his gun to her shoulder “You got something you wanna share. Joy?” her lip curls and she moves the barrel of her gun to aim below the belt “Get that gun off me, or so help me you won't have to worry about sex for a long time Winston.”

He grunts but lowers his gun, she keeps hers at her side, keeping her stance in front of Jax. “I think Clay had something to do with Mine and Taras kidnap attempt. So when you called and said to meet you here I was scared for Lyla or Piney, seems Clay doesn't want information to get out that Tara or Piney have. I might have been caught in the crosshairs.” She can hear Jax over her shoulder, all he kept saying was no, over and over again. Opie snaps “Yes Jax! Yes! He killed my wife now my father. What makes you honestly fucking think he wouldn't try to kill your wife!? Did you know? Did You know?!” Jax pushes her out of the way when Opie raises his gun again, yelling back at Opie “No, Ope! Of course not! Bro, if Clay did this, it is a club issue. Let's take it to the table, let everyone know.” Opie's hollow laughter makes her sick, he gives Jax a cold stare “What table? You're out. Remember?”  Opie moves faster then she is prepared for, shooting Jax's back tire and trying to shoot hers but he misses, seems he didn't notice because he takes off like a bat out of hell. She curses and starts her bike, feeling Jax jump on the back she guns it. She can't see Opie but she isn't worried about that, all she needs to do is get to the shop with enough time to talk him down. Clay deserved to die, but not until the club knew why she wasn't going to have Opie killed got taking out the trash, she would take anyone down who tried.

She skids to a stop on the lot, racing in after Jax she hears Opie screaming from outside the open clubhouse Doors “Having Donna killed, that a lie?!” She rushes inside, her gun drawn and her teeth bared at Clay's reply “Jesus Christ, that's history, man. Stahl bending the truth. That score is settled!” her and Jax both aim for Opie, even though every fiber of her being says to aim for Clay “No, it's not! You sit down! Sit down.” She yells, trying to get Opie to look at her Ope! Put it down. He doesn't just have Piney to answer for. Tara and I deserve to hear his fucked up answer to that Opie. I won't have you fuck that up for me, brother.” She hears Clay move and she aims her gun at him, knowing Jax had Op “Move from that chair you slimy bastard and I'll shoot you in your kneecaps.” She smirks coldly at the terrified look on his face, looking back at Opie as he watches her she aims her gun back at him, both of them looking at Jax as he pleads with Op “Please, Ope. Don't make me kill you”

Opie gives Jax and her a small smile before putting two bullets into Clay's chest. The silence is deafening for a moment until a pained gasp from the shot man moves them into action. Opie moves to shoot him again, thinking quickly she shoots, the bullet hitting Opie's wrist and forcing the gun from his hand, Jax tackles the giant man and knocks him out. She runs over to Clay, calmly checking his pulse as Jax runs up next to her to check the bullet wounds “Pulse is frantic, he will bleed out if we don't call someone.” Jax curses as Rat and Unser run into the clubhouse, their eyes taking in a passed out Opie and a shot up Clay.  Jax turns to them, blood on his cheek “Call a damn ambulance!” she locks eyes with Unser “Gunshots. Sheriffs are gonna be all over this.” she nods, he is right, how the fuck are they gonna fix this. She glares down at Clay as he wheezed “Get me outside. It happened in the garage.” She moves as Jax and Rat move to snatch up Clay “Yeah, come on. Come on. On three. Two, three.” She smirks at the howl of pain the older release once he is lifted. She walks in front of them, making sure Clay doesn't pitch forward as Unser yells after them “Well, what do I tell Roosevelt, huh? Mexicans?” she wanted to be snippy and ask why it always had to be her people but Clay coughs out a reply “No, say it was black.” She nods and yells over the guys to Unser “ Hey, Jax and I will take care of Opie. Get rid of those guns and clean up the blood.” Unser nods and mumbles something she isn't too sure she wants to actually catch.

She smirks as Jax gives Rat his story, poor kid probably didn't expect this when he went into being a prospect “He was shot by two black guys outside the garage. You ever wanna make patch, that's your story until I tell you.” he looks at her, she winks and grabs Clay by his leather when he starts to slip, yanking him up so the guys can get a better hold. Once on the lot she grabs his ankles and they quickly carry him the rest of the way, her side was throbbing but she would deal with that later, they needed this staged and they needed to get going. Running back inside she sees that Opie had come around, she narrows her eyes at him and grabs a hand towel from behind the bar and a bottle of Jack Daniels. Making her way over to him she doesn't give him chance to talk before she is yanking him outside. Wrapping up his wrist all the while, she watches Rat shove both hers and Jax's bikes into the back of the Van, she knew her and Jax would take Opie so she shoves lightly at Rats shoulder “Get gone. Drop mine and Jax's bikes off at out houses ok?” he nods and takes off, for a skinny little shit the man was fast.

She goes around to the driver side, sliding into the middle seat she puts her bag containing the letters, recording and her stolen bottle of Jack. As Jax goes to check on Unser and Clay, Opie finally speaks “You didn't have to shoot me you asshole.” she turns to give him a look of pure disbelief. Before taking some papers from the dash she rolls them tight before wailing on him, smacking his head and shoulder with them “Would this have stopped you!?!? Huh? You brain dead redneck jackass!?!?” Jax climbs in, wrestling with her to reach the papers. Finally yanking them from her, glaring at them both before starting the truck. For twenty minutes only thing to be heard in that truck was breathing and the low sound of the radio. Until Opie speaks again “I'm gonna kill him.” she groans and yanks the bottle of Jack from her bag, yanking the cap off she takes a large gulp, she was so tired of this comic book level avenger shit Opie seemed to have in his head. She swallows and wrinkles her nose at the burn as Jax speaks over her head “No, you're gonna let me and Joy find out what the hell happened.” She nods and hands Opie the bottle, watching him take a few gulps before passing it back to her, she caps the bottle and puts it away. Saving it for when she would need it. “Talk to your mother. Gemma and Unser found my old man up at the cabin. They knew Clay killed him and tried to pass it off as a cartel hit.” She was speechless, Gemma and Unser. She knew they were close but this shit? This needed to end. She turns to look and Jax “Your mother need to stop handling club shit like she is a fucking son Jax. I agree that the old ladies should know some but your mother had to much fucking pull and power as it is. That shit needs handling and if you won't fucking do it then let me.” He glares her down and she rolls her eyes, typical mommas boy bullshit. She wondered if he planned to protect his mother once she showed him all she had on the woman.

Jax looks over her head to Opie “How do you know all that?” she glances over at Op, she wanted all the info she could get. “Unser followed me up there last night.” Unser needed to go. Not only was he too informed but the man would do anything for Gemma and a man like that. Chained to a woman like Gemma who thought she was doing the right thing was fucking dangerous. “Jesus Christ. I'm gonna drop you at the emergency care off of Crane. Lyla'll pick you up?” Opie nods, she grabs his arm, pulling it into her lap she in wraps it. Checking it over she nods, he will be fine, didn't break a bone or anything so all he would probably need is pain Meds and stitches.

Jax speaks to Opie while she is rewrapping his wrist. “You gotta lay low, Ope. I'll tell the guys you're up at the cabin. I will find the truth, I promise.” Opie scuffs, pulling his arm from her grasp he looks out the window, his face stone as he replies “Yeah. Just what I need, another promise.” she practically snarls as she starts to curse at Opie “Oh for the love of god Opie cut this shit. You trust Jax, even if you are angry at him don't downplay that. And if you wanna play like you don't then trust that I will find the truth. Regardless of who is involved, I have no ties to Clay, Gemma or Unser so as far as I'm concerned they are all on my radar. Does that appease you? Oh, giant one?!” She is panting and glaring Opie down as he turns back to look at her, glaring at Jax over her head for a second he nods “Actually…..yeah.” She nods and leans her head back on the seat. No one talked again for the rest of the ride, even once Opie left.

Hours later

She was surprised how deep she slept, knowing what had happened the night before, Juan still not being home and just her overall stress. But she was also grateful, once her father got home from the hospital she told him everything, he knew about the letters from what she and Juan had told him, she let him hear the recording of Gemma and Tara and he agreed Jax deserved the choice with all the evidence in front of him. She told him the real story of last night at she was surprised how level-headed her father was, she knew he loved his club but she thinks he suspected Clay of the kidnap as well when all fingers point in someone's vague direction it's hard not to be suspicious. Currently, all hands were on deck at the hospital, the garage shut down because it was now a crime scene once again so everyone had the day off, she rests her head on her father's shoulder as her eyes bounce from, Chibs, Rat, and V-lin. She smiles when her dad kisses the top of her head, both of them sitting forward as Jax walks in, she watches him pat Chibs on the shoulder “Hey. How's he doing?” she hates how down Chibs looks, she knew he had a love for Clay but again. With all the stuff she knows now, the kidnapping, the hit on Tara, Piney, JT, hell even Donna. She honestly couldn't find it in herself to care for Clay, she hopes he pulls through but only to face this club for what he has done. She wanted answers so if death wanted Clay Morrow it would have to fight her for his worthless hide. “They've gone back into surgery. Having a problem with his lung”

She tries not to grin when her dad bluntly says “Goddamn cigars he smokes.” She plants a kiss on his jacket covered shoulder before turning her eyes to Jax “Shit. Any word from Bobby or Juice?” The mention of Juan stings, she reaches up to rub at her chest. All the men shoot her a look of sympathy, Chibs stands and nods for her and her father to follow, the prospects are not fully caught up about Juan, which honestly was beginning to piss her off but right now they had bigger fish. Moving out into the hallway she leans next to her father on the wall, letting him yank her into his side, taking the offered kiss to her temple with a sad grin. “Nothing on Juice. We know he didn't make it back so best guess there is ATF since Joy doesn't have cameras there we are blind. But We have bigger problems. I talked with Lowen. Bobby signed in at Stockton and didn't sign out.”

That didn't sound remotely good. “What the hell does that mean?” she curses and moves away from her father “Bobby lied to us. He didn't tell Otto about the deal with Georgie. He said Georgie was already dead.” Jax looked exasperated, Chibs was just shaking his head. This wasn't news to her father, she guest Juan talked to him about it because she knows for a fact she didn't. “So Potter might have gotten to Otto. And since Bobby went to see Otto it adds up.” They all nods “Maybe Lenny can tell us for sure. He wants a sit-down with you today. Lowen said he's pretty jacked up about it.” Jesus christ Otto what have you done? She didn't know the man, but she knew he suffered heavily for this club. So a part of her understood his anger but at the same time bring that shit to the table. Jax sighs “Okay. I'll talk to him.”  Jax moves to leave but her father speaks up “Ope and Tig are MIA too.”

She wanted to die hearing Opies name. A part of herself blames Pineys death on not getting Jax the letters in time. Maybe if she had the old bastard would still be living it up at the cabin. “Ope's at the cabin checking on Piney. Tig's so wound up about this Clay thing he's probably neck-deep in cold pussy. All right, I'm gonna go to Stockton. Keep me in the loop.” She watches him head for the door. “Jax.” he turns to look at her, his eyes tired and so full of too many demons to count for a man so young “you be careful, yeah? We still need to talk later.” she arches a brow, waiting for him to nod before the door swings shut. She catches the look Chibs shoots her, wanting her to explain but she smirks and heads back to the waiting room, speaking over her shoulder as she goes “A lady must keep some secrets.” Chibs follows after her, a teasing grin on his tired face “Lass if your no lady.” she can't help but laugh.

They spend about two hours at the hospital, all of them finally agreeing they weren't all needed. Rat and V-lin were put on watch while Chibs, her father and herself went back to the shop to see if the cops had cleared out. They were leaving as they pulled in, thankfully everything was in order so the clean up was minimal, her father and Chibs went about cleaning the blood from the garage, with the all clear from the boys in blue. She was sorting through files and calling customers for rescheduling appointments for a solid hour before she was disturbed by her father and Chibs rushing into the office. “What the fuck guys!?” her father tosses her Kabar at her and she catches it smoothly, looking to Chibs for an answer. “Tigs stepped in it Lass. He is in Oaktown needs an escort home.” She curses, snatching her bag from the floor she runs past them to the clubhouse, letting Chibs call Jax she quickly grabs her backpack mini she keeps behind the bar for moments like this. Now that she knew Gemma and Unser had been playing club members she wasn't leaving her letters or any of her evidence alone for them to stumble across. She switches all her stuff into it, tossing it on her back, clicking the straps onto place across her chest so it wouldn't fly off during the rise, she straps her kabar tight to her leg and makes sure her twin Glocks are loaded as she walks back onto the lot. Her father tossing her a hair tie she smirks and piles her hair onto her head, yanking her helmet on she follows the guys out of the lot, tires screeching as they went. Damn Tig, and damn Clay for lying about the Niners.

It took twenty minutes, twenty fucking minutes to catch sight of Tig. A fleet of cars behind him and she couldn't help but curse as she along with the others crossed over the grass and gravel to get to the parallel road. She weaves in and out of traffic, she catches sight of Leroy towards the back, she feels his eyes watching her as she zooms past him, no matter what Tig did he did this for Clay. As misguided as it fucking was he was only trying to right what she guessed was wrong, she was not going to let the fool die for Clays lies. Jax, her father, Chibs and herself flank Tig. She shakes her head as he yells in relief, fucking idiot. The others crowd in behind them, looking back she sees Leroy isn't giving up, the fuck did Tig do!? Up ahead she sees a line of cars, a wreck it seemed. She hears Jax's voice over the roar of the bikes, his hand waving the others past “Go! GO AHEAD!” she watches the other pass through, going one behind the other they go along the side of the cars. “Chibs, Joy, Stay with me. We'll block him off!” she nods and reaches back your grab one of her Glocks. Showtime.

Funneling behind Jax and Chibs she shoots back, most of them miss as they tried to keep eyes on the road as well. But finally one of the shots pay off, she sees blood splatter the on the driver side of the window, the car swerving violently into some of the still cars. Her Chibs and Jax catch up to the rest. She nods to her father when she catches him looking, she was fine. Better than fine. But right now they needed to get to the shop, they needed to find out what the fuck Tig had done this time. Pulling onto the lot she can feel the sting in her side, she needed to take her meds, the adrenaline was crashing. She rolls her bike back, keeping the formation between her father and where Juan's bike normally sat. She yanks off her helmet and glasses storming over to Tig she shoves at his chest as she tries to walk away from Jax who is yelling at his back “What the hell is the matter with you!?” Tig points his finger at her face, she smacks at it and snarls at him “I will cut your hand off you try that again. The fuck? Tig with all this shit going on today you wanna pull this lone wolf shit!?” he glares her down, his mouth open, probably about to stick his foot in. But Chibs yanks him around to face himself and Jax as Chibs shouts “Hey. We don't even know if it was the Niners.” She nods, moving around to stand between her father and Jax, seems Tig was having none of it “Come on, man. Come on. The way we backed Alvarez in Oakland it had to be Laroy that gunned down Clay.”

He had points but since she knew the truth she shook it off. Damn Clay to hell, she hoped he was fucking suffering, drowning in his own blood or something, if not she planned to change that. Jax steps into Tigs face, she places her hand on his arm. “It is a club call, not yours. You're gonna start a goddamn war, man.” Tig scuffs, yanking off his glasses she finally got a good look at his eyes, the man was drowning in guilt. “I don't give a shit.” she understood his pain, she would feel it too if it had been anyone else but Clay but him not giving a shit about putting all their lives at risk didn't sit right with her. She pushes Jax back, taking his place she gets toe to toe with the older son “Well I fucking do. I will not have you putting not just my father and old man at risk with your he-man shit but this club too. So start fucking caring Tig.” She grabs him by the jaw, forcing him to look at her, to really see her and for a moment she knew he did “Hear me Alex. I will put you down like the rabid dog your acting like if your Rouge bullshit gets anyone of your brothers killed. You hear me?” he puts his hand on the back of her head, yanking her forward to press a smacking kiss to her forehead. “I know you would.” She releases her iron grip on his jaw, walking past him and the others she heads into the clubhouse, her hand resting on her side. She needed her meds, she vaguely hears Chucky tell Jax Clay is outta surgery. She honestly couldn't find herself caring.

She sits at the bar, taking her pain Meds she lights a cigarette. She was gathering herself, she knew she had to get Jax alone, she knew if Gemma was gonna make her move it would be when Clay was down and weak. She was a smart woman, deadly and power hungry but smart. Joy watches Jax walk into the clubhouse and right past her and into Church. She grabs her bottle of water and walked in after him, closing the door she leans against it, watching the warn down man grab his regular seat and flipping through some papers, if she knew Jax it was about the meeting with the Irish and Romeo, he wanted to be informed while he filled Clays shoes. He looks up and sees her, bright blue eyes racking over her before he speaks “Guess it's about that time isn't it.” she says nothing, placing her bag on the table she grabs Tigs usual seat, directly across from Jax and with shaking hands she pulls out the papers, the letters, the copies of JT’s the life and death of SAMCRO and finally the tape recorder. She looked across the table at him “I want you to understand why I'm doing this. Knowing everything in front of me might break you in multiple ways. I'm doing it because everyone deserves a choice, knowing every piece of the puzzle is in place. I love you like a brother which is why I'm doing this.” she slides the manuscript across the table to him, she takes in the shock on his face. “And before you ask questions,  let me finish.” She sighs and yanks the hair tie from her head, running her hands through her hair she locks eyes with Jax “Your father had a vision for this club. I know you have seen this, we have both seen what JT wanted for this MC.” Jax sighs “Look darlin. We don't have time for this and I don't see how it relates…....” She slams her hands down on the table, getting to her feet she practically hisses at him as she leans across the table “Jackson right now I suggest you listen. This has everything to do with why Piney is now ash and why Clay is currently using tubes to breathe.”

He raises his hands in surrender, she glares him down for a moment making sure he gets how important keeping his trap shut was at the current moment. She finally sits back down, sliding the letters to him “Piney and Clay weren't neck and neck about this cartel shit. They were circling each other about those damn things. Apparently, Maureen Ashby shoved those into your bag when you were heading home from Belfast.” she watches Jax flip through the pages, his eyes taking in line upon line of his father's writing. “Those are letters your father wrote to her. Seems once you guys went to Stockton before you saw them Tara found them then.” his eyes held her in place at the mention of Tara, she didn't want to hurt Tara. Her intentions weren't murky and dark like she felt Gemma and Clays were. Tara loved Jax and wanted to save him from the hurt these letters would bring. But what she didn't realize was that she was acting like a mother, not his old lady. “Tara had these? Why didn't she tell me Joy?” she sighs, she hated how lost he looked, she grabbed tape recorder, rolling it around in her hands “Gemma found out Tara had the letters, apparently sent Unser to find them in Taras office. He got them but he got copies like I have. Tara found out and confronted your mother, I was standing outside when I heard them. This is what i got.” She presses play, laying the recorder down on the table she watches Jax as it plays.

“How could you want your grandchildren to be raised in this chaos?”

“Then why didn't you let Jax read those letters?”

“You were right. Things John wrote about would be very painful for Jax to read. The truth about Clay.”

“You're afraid Jax would kill him.”

“Yeah. Finding out how John really felt at the end it would break Jax's heart knowing how he'd been hating his father so deeply. The guilt would push him deeper into the club and I'd lose him.”

“What about me? What would he feel about me if he read them?”

“He'd learn some hurtful truth. You being with Clay before John died.”

“I made mistakes.”

“Did you know that Clay tried to kill J.T?”

“I know what everyone else does. John went out how they all should. On two wheels at high speed. I don't know if Clay killed J.T.”

The silence is deafening, but the look on Jax's face breaks her heart. The man is debased and obviously doesn't know what to think. “Tara had pure intention. Does that make keeping this from you right? Hell no. But I don't want your rage aimed at a woman who did this because she loves you more than anything.” She waits for him you nod, combing a hand through her hair she sighs before continuing “Apparently when your brother Thomas got sick your dad stopped going to Belfast. Started writing to Maureen.” he drops the letters in his hands on the table, leaning back in his chair he roughly combs both hands through his short hair “What does this have to do with Clay Joy? You said this had to do with him.”  she glares at him for a moment, he really didn't know how to keep his mouth shut for long “J. T. and Kellan decided to get the MC out of guns and away from the IRA. Clay thought it was a mistake I'm guessing. He was afraid John would destroy the club. So he decided to kill him. The first time he sent John into a Mayan ambush, unprotected. Your dad made it out. But he knew it was Clay who'd set it up and he knew Clay would try again. He predicted it would be mechanical. He was obviously right if the stories about him I heard are true.”  Jax’s normally handsome face was twisted into a mask of pain and disbelief “The accident. Joy do you understand what you're telling me?” she nods, reaching up to wipe at her blurry eyes. “I'm giving my brother everything he needs to make an educated choice. I'm tired of seeing you manipulated by everyone. You're a good man Jax, a good husband and father to those boys. I'm not trying to sway you to stay or push you to go but I am laying down fact before you so you make a fully educated choice in what you do.”

She takes a deep breath to calm herself “I did some digging and apparently The only person J. T. ever let work on his bike was Lowell, Sr. Which I'm guessing by the look on your face is correct. I'm guessing Clay must have paid him off or threatened him. He had to be the one who sabotaged the Panhead.” She slaps down a death certificate, the name Lowell written on it, she points to the day of death “Lowell, Sr. was killed by the Mayans a week later.” Jax curses, his hand coming up to his mouth as he spoke “ Clay buried the secret. How do you know all this Joy. I mean you have only been in the club a year and some change, and here you are knowing more about my family history then I do.” She gives him a weak grin, nodding towards the letters on the table in front of him “The letters. Helped. The speculation in them, The Mayan ambush. John knew Clay would kill him the poor bastard. And I read people Jax, it what Lowman’s do. Dad jokes and calls us the perfect animal. My dad just isn't vocal about it, most people think he is nothing but muscle but that's only because he lets them believe it.”

His chuckle is slightly pained, she didn't blame him for questioning her. “I think, no bump that i know Clay knew those letters would prove it. Or had enough to get him voted out, undo everything he'd worked for. Everything he killed for.” She jumps a little in her seat when Jax slams his hands down on the wooden table “Piney got ahold of these. Joy. He must have threatened Clay. Oh, my God.” She watches him sadly, his forehead rested on the table. Seems she wasn't the only person taking on guilt for Piney, Jax had grown up with the man, he was old and grumpy at best but she loved him dearly. She couldn't imagine having known him her whole life and then this. Reaching over she combs a hand along the soft hair on top of his head as she speaks. “Come on Jax, we made a promise. Let's finish this and make a plan.” he is silent for a long moment, before she feels him nod under fingers, sitting up he calmly wipes the tears from his eyes and face, locking eyes with her he nods “What else do you have?” she gives him a grim nod, this was the part that was going to really hurt. “I have a suspension. And with all that is going on, I want you to hear me out before you fly off the handle. I don't think what happened to me and Tara was a Cartel thing. I think Clay might have known Tara had the letters and he sent someone to kill her. I might have just been standing to close.” Jax was stone, his eyes locked on the wall behind her as he processed everything. She watches him, she had time to wrap her head around this, around Gemma being to involved, around Unser being her lap dog, around Clay trying to kill her and Tara. Jax hadn't had the luxury, he was being spoon feed this info in rapid succession, it was expected for him to freeze up.

She stands, grabbing her backpack off the table stuffs the manuscript inside and reaches for the tape recorder to do the same but is stopped by Jax grabbing her hand. She follows the line of his arm, up his shoulder until she is eye to eye with him. “You say you have no motive. But for me to make a choice with everything in front of me right?” she nods “How do I make that choice Joy.” She gently pulls her hand from under his, walking around the table she lets him hug her around the waist, his head rested on her stomach as her hands comb through his hair like she did for Juan when he had a breakdown. “I was told that at one point your father's words brought you clarity.” She puts her bag back on the table. Reaching back in to get the life and death of SAMCRO. Placing it on top of everything she smiles. “ Read his words again with fresh eyes Jax. Without anyone blinding you or whispering in your ear. And read the letters for yourself See them in your father's own hand.” stepping away from Jax she pulls him up, wrapping her arms around his waist she hugs him tight. Tilting Her head back she gives him a somber look

“No more hiding, no more secrets. Because you and I both know how dangerous secrets can be and it's time we all knew the truth. Clay has killed an old lady, a first nine, and tried to kill me and your wife. And just because Gemma has her involvement doesn't mean he shouldn't go down for what he did to her.” he nods, leaning down he kisses her forehead and sits back down, looking at the papers before him she heads for the door, pulling it open she feels lighter then she had when she stepped in. No matter the outcome, Jax leaving or staying he made his choice with everything on the table. She is stopped as she turns to close the door as Jax calls her name “Joy.” She gives him a confused look as she sees a small but genuine grin on his face. “Are these your only copies?” she can't help but give him a mischievous grin, closing the door without answering him she heads outside, she needed air now.

Twenty minutes later

She was laid out on the picnic table, a joint dangling from her fingers as she waiting for the call that it was meeting time. She hears a car pull up, from the sound of boot heels on the concrete she could tell it was Gemma. She waiting until Gemma was close to open her eyes, turning she sees the older woman holding a manilla Envelope and she knew she had been right. Fucking Tara, seemed she had made the right call to give Jax the letters today. She can't help but smirk as she sits up “Little late Gemma.” the older woman turns to her, and it was the first time she was seeing the woman's face for herself and she couldn't help but winch internal. Clay had beat the shit out of her, another score to settle. Locking eyes with the woman she takes a deep pull of her joint before hopping of the table as the woman walks her way. “What do you mean a little late?” she gives the older woman a cold grin, handing her the joint she replies “Jax already has the letters. All of them.”

Letting the woman absorb what she had told her she moves to sit on the wrestling ring ledge. Pulling out another joint she keeps her eyes on Gemma as she lights up. “What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?” she rests her hand on the Kabar still strapped to her thigh as Gemma stalks towards her “You conniving little bitch do you have any idea what you have done?” she chuckles, taking a deep pull from her joint she gazes up at the taller woman from her perch on the ring's edge. Blowing her smoke to the side she nods “I cut your god damned puppet strings. I have had those letters for weeks. I was waiting on Tara's word to hand them to Jax but then I heard you two in the office last week. And I recorded it for posterity. Which Jax has heard as well.” She stands, her blood pumping and her voice lethal “What gives either of you the right to say he doesn't need to know. Because you gave him life?” she looks past Gemma to Tara who is watching her from behind Gemma “Because you love him and gave him children?” Tara at least had the fucking sense to look chastised, but not Gemma, never Gemma. She sneers at the older woman, getting chest to chest with her “News flash Gemma. I'm not even remotely scared of you. So yes once I heard Tara backing out I took matters into my own hands. Jax deserves to know everything before he makes his choices. Too either stay or get the hell outta dodge and here is why I let him know. Because at the end of the day he is a grown ass man who should be able to make his choices without his manipulative old croon of a mother or his ‘I'm doing this for his own good’ ass old lady.”

There is silence on the lot, she could see Unser just behind Tara. She glares at him, letting him know she had his fucking number too. Jax appears in the door to the clubhouse opens, all of them turning to see him watching them with unreadable eyes and a stone cold expression, letters, manuscript and all in his hands. Jax looks at her, when he speaks his voice is rough “Not exactly how I would have handled it but. Your not a Lowman soon to be Ortiz for nothing.” She smirks, sitting down at the table she watches Tara grab the seat across from her. Locking eyes with each woman she nods towards her and much to the relief of the clenching of her heart Tara nods back. Maybe just maybe she hadn't burned all her bridges. She sits back in her seat, the weed and her pain Meds working in perfect harmony, she wasn't stoned but she was damn sure feeling better. Jax grabs his seat turning his body to face his mother and Tara, his eyes bouncing between them before he speaks “You should have told me. Both of you at some point should have told me. It shouldn't have been Joy who did in the end.”

She narrows her eyes at Gemma as she scuffs “Maybe if she minded her own business….” Jax slams his hand on the table, the force rattling the ashtray and the bottled water tips over and rolls off. She doesn't reach down to get it, she was watching Jax as he points he speaks to his mother “Cut that shit. You had years to tell me. I see you have the letters to mom how many did you remove before you planned to show me?” fuck being proper in this situation, she grins widely, tilting her head back she blow her hit out into the air. Bringing her head back down she sees Tara watching her, shaking her head in exasperation, but she can see the amusement in the woman's eyes as she speaks across the table to her. “Can you at least act ashamed or remorseful for this shit storm?” Joy chuckles, her eyes low and her grin shark-like “Sorry. Can not compute those emotions at the moment.” Jax scuffs and take her half-finished joint from her fingers, sniffing it out he put it on the table, fine asshole I'll be nice. She crosses her arms over her chest and gets comfortable as Tara talks to Jax “I was going to. When you got out, you were so eager to leave, I just I was afraid it would push you back in. I'm sorry.”

Jax nods, seeming content with that answer, Tara wasn't in this to manipulate Jax. Bless the woman she was used to being what she thought was the smartest person in the room, she didn't realize that being presumptuous like that made her the fool most times. Everyone is smart until proven otherwise even then, never disregard someone. Nothing's more dangerous than someone with no common sense. She leans forward resting her chin on her folded arms she watches Jax through low lids “I have to kill him, Tara.” she sees the look on Tara's face, the look is one she knows well. After her first kill, the three men who had broken into their house when she was just sixteen, that look had been a constant fixture for months after. It was the face of someone who did what needed to be done but wasn't ready to handle that base animal survival skill, The kill or be killed in all of us. She watches Tara reach into her purse and slide a small leather pouch across the table to Jax. “I know. And this is how you do it.”

Gemma moves to sit next to her, her eyes narrowed and fixed on Tara, Jax seemed confused until he picked up the package and pulls out a syringe, already filled halfway “It's a blood thinner. Inject it into his IV line and pull the tube from his chest. He'll bleed into his lungs and drown. It'll happen quick. It'll just look like he pulled it out in his sleep.” She watches Tara, the woman looked dead to the words she was saying but Joy knew. She knew the raw anger boiling under the surface, seemed she had overlooked the killer that rested in the good doctor. Lifting her eyes she locks eyes with Tara, yeah she was still in there. She knew exactly what she was doing and once again, something else was locking them together, the willingness to kill for their family. “Sounds like a fitting end to me.” Tara nods, Joy looks to Gemma seeing the older woman watching Tara with new eyes, seems Gemma wasn't prepared for this version of Tara at all. She and Jax both turn to the garage as Chibs voice booms across the lot “Jackie, Sonshine. Time for the meet. We gotta go, let's move.” She snatches up her joint from the table, putting it into the case in her cut she stands, watching Tara pull Jax to his feet she grins as the woman forces him to lock eyes with her.

“You kill him and then you come and get me and our boys and drive us out of this poisonous town.” Her voice seems to drag Jax from the fog. His eyes dragging over her face “I will. I promise.” As he kisses her Joy glances off to the side, her heart aching as she thinks about Juan. Looking down at her ring she brings it to her lips, kissing the pearlescent stone she sends her love outward. Hoping somehow it reaches him, in that damned hell they have him in the hopes he feels her missing him. She sees Jax walking off, snapping out of her daze she walks over to Tara, pressing a kiss to the woman's cheek she whispers “I had too. Forgive me?” Tara nods, wrapping an arm around her in a surprisingly strong hug. She glances at Gemma, nodding before she walks off, hearing Gemma ask Tara “What are you doing?” she smirks, sliding her glasses on as she hears Tara's reply “Everything you taught me. He's mine.” She gets on her bike, watching Tara pull out she chuckles, Gemma had no idea the woman that was now awake within Tara. Near death experiences are things that rearrange the way we can view not just the world around us, but fundamental change the way we handle a situation. Following the guess down the highway to the meeting place she couldn't help but grin, life just got a little more interesting, and her wedding hadn't even happened yet.

Thoughts? Let me know. and ill see yall next time. 

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