#ok but i actually do think its funny and kinda frustrating that people here often see scientific disciplines as either topics for a class

[microbialminutes]

i feel like half of the micro posts on here are all med students and productivity blogs meanwhile im fighting the war on infectious disease on the side of the infectious disease.

[crushedsweets]

OK I NEED TO CLEAR MY ASKBOX

IM JUST GONNA ANSWER A TON OF THEM HERE SO I DONT CLOG UP MY FEED....

hi >.<

this is so fucking sweet i remembered how happy i was when i first got my car. i cried everyday for a week straight because i was so happy. very glad yall got to watch me get my first car. i spend over an hour in her every day commuting now. LMFAOOO (i named her lindsay btw) ((after tdi lsinday)). im so sorry im late but thank you so much this meant sm !!! <3

you asked me this in august im evil oh my god. anyway i aagree. but i am always inclined to forever think he's a midwest emo guy. twin sized mattress forever

SHE NEEDS AND DESERVES SO MANY.

im immediately inclined to say clocky or toby the second i see time and fire mentions. so ticciwork. my clocky is often a bit messy so she'd be pissed and angry and upset over the sort of war she's found herself in, especially as she sees toby just falling deeper into it. 'my god, was i oblivious?' when she finally realizes toby will always, always put Slenderman before her. frustrating. 'hell stays hungry for a world so weak' natalie is hungry for a good world, but she thinks everyone is too weak for goodness, meanwhile toby is hungry for power so he can make everyone else seem weak. etc. 'they only want you to bleed' they being slendy, operator, zalgo, etc etc etc... power, being a pawn, fighting, using humans as toys in a battlefield, etc etc.. yeah

RELEASE ME JOEY

i genuinely think nina is a really good influence on so many of the creeps. like theyre all assholes, traumatized, refuse to believe in the good in the world, etc etc. but nina is traumatized and still kickin. she comes in like ^_^ hello chat. and i think that, while its still important to feel the shitty feelings, it's really grounding to see someone whos just so .. able to be happy. idk. someone who SEEKS joy, rather than expects it to fall into their lap, and blames the world when it doesnt

this si perfect idk why i forgot about bats for him. gotta get back into this idea

AHHH OK I WILL DO MORE EVENTUALLY i just wanna say thank yewww i think theyre such a good sibling dynamic. like little brothers and big sisters and both being little assholes to eachother but would die for the other. idk. ugh. important to me.

actually this sounds really sweet..... thats funny cuz i was JUST talking to a friend about who i would have EJ go endgame with if i had to, but i couldnt settle on anyone. but liu seems like a good fit for ej. i think they'd be super sweet

ANON ME TOO AHHHH ITS LITERALLY MY FAVORITE FUCKING THING EVER. I DONT GAF ABOUT EVIL MEAN 'CANON' SLENDER I LOVE WHEN HE'S A DAD AND WORRIES AND STRESSES. IEPFB AND KASTOWAYS SLENDY>

AH THANK YOU!!! he reminds me of my little cousins HAHA theyre like 10-14 right now and theyre all cuties.... just playing roblox and being mischievous...

THIS IS ABOUT THE BLUSHING NAT DRAWING ISNT IT AHAH OMG THANK YOU!!! i think shes so cute. i know she cant handle compliments. she's either deadpanned 'thanks' or just covers her face and says 'shut up' cuz she doesnt know what to do.

I LOVE HER TOO!!!

GOOD NEWS THEN ive drawn her a handful of times since u sent this HAHA TYSM

you sent like... natobina i think... ok tbh kinda slaps

OK REAL but also when i read it i keep reading it as 'cochina' and i cannot bring myself to name the throuple that </3 HAHA

TBH AHAHA I SEE IT. TOBYS AMETHYST GARNETS NATALIE AND NINA IS STEVEN.

i want jeff to ache in his loneliness

i need to draw connie asap but also THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAIN FOR THE CAR CONGRATS I REALLY APPRECIATE IT IM SO HAPPY I LOVE MY CAR SO MUCH i gotta go vaccuum her..

shes such a cat to me. feline. of sorts, if you will

also good news for you anon, i have also drawn her an ungodly amount of times since youve sent this. LOL

THEYRE MY ANGELS I HAVE MORE OF THEM !!! I LOVE THEM!! AHHHGGG

literally the second that people tell me i made them start to like clocky i am overwhelmed with joy. i feel so much ache when people aren't fond of her bc shes so fucking cool and such a good character and so much fun. so sad that 2015 era creepypasta fandom destroyed her. but im here to fix it...

IM SORRY ANON I BARELY DRAW HIM HES JUST SO BOYISH I LAUGH EVERYTIME I SEE HIM FKAHAHAAH OK OKOK ILL CHANGE ILL DRAW HIM I SWEAR

I REMEMBER WHEN I FIRST STARTED DOING EMOJI ANONS BAHAHA u guys r funny

incredibly. happy. to do this to u.

nope! im not too interested in the 2021 nina just cuz i feel like i've seen that character concept many times (not just in jane), BUT if i had to do my own intepretation of her, 2021 nina would be INCREDIBLY immature in like. not a childish way, but an entitled, angry-fueled adult who cannot comprehend anyone else's thoughts/feelings. and thus, would despise OG nina (although within reason, OG nina idolizes the person who killed her family) . but even if there wasnt a good reason to dislike OG nina, she'd be mean. and OG nina would be mad and bitch. and theyd theyd fight. HAHA

I-IF...???????? ANON?

HELD TO THE FUCKING BRIM

[thefanficmonster]

You Never Notice

Sykkuno x Reader (Female)

Warnings: None

Genre: Fluff

Summary: The center of someone’s world is never aware of their importance even when everyone else is in the know. People are hard to understand, no denying, but if we all spilled our truth like how Y/N admitted her feelings to Sykkuno, mutual understanding would be achieved a lot more easily. JK, she needed an eternity and maybe a thousand pushes. What’s important is the result though, right?

Requested by Anon. You are my first Sykkuno request and I wish I could thank you with a tag. Instead, I’m gonna thank you with a fic in which I put my all. Thank you for the request, hope the final product doesn’t let you down. 🥰

Here we go again. Sykkuno’s love life is brought up. This time it’s more frustrating cause I can’t shout how wrong he is about himself and the effect he has on the people around him. He has no room to speak, he hasn’t experienced what I have - one of your best friends living in your head rent-free because you’re just that whipped by them. That’s right kids, some of us never grow past the middle school crushes - they are a constant for some. That can be a good or a bad thing, it completely depends on how you view it.

Currently, him and Rae are addressing some dating rumors that started spreading about them earlier this week while Felix, Sean and I are kicking each other’s butts in Party Animals. We’re not all playing together, actually, we were all playing different games when we hopped into the call and just grouped together after playing solo got boring. Rae and Sykkuno are playing Among Us on a random server, her being the only person who’s streaming right now. She said she just wanted to clear up the dating rumors cause they were annoying to see popping up on her feed on every social media platform she’s active on.

“It’s ridiculous, really. People just look for online personalities to put in imaginary relationships. Are they that bored? I know quarantine is getting to everyone, but damn“ Rae says, laughing a bit to take the edge off her words but I know she’s bothered by this ordeal more than she’s letting on. I know how much it bothers her when people ship random youtubers and streamers together, even when she’s not involved. 

And I agree. Ever since I started streaming I’ve been shipped with my friends left and right. First Corpse, then Dave, Joel...you name them. It gets kinda gross cause these people are legit like siblings to me. Unlike Rae, though, I don’t waste my breath trying to clear those ‘talks of the net’ up. I don’t know if it’s for better of for worse that I remain silent on the issue when I’m involved but am willing to stand up for my friends when they find themselves in a similar situation. Some people think the reason I don’t share my thoughts is because the rumors are true, but the hint is most often taken, resulting in the ship ending. Well, that ship ending, there’s always a new one popping up. As Rae said, it’s ridiculous.

“Why does everyone think I am ever dating anyone? I’ve already commented on this: no one would date me.“ Sykkuno says through a sigh-like laugh.

“Why are you so sure?“ I blurt out without as much as a second thought

My eyes widen just a bit, just a bit. I’m not too surprised with myself. I am slowly losing control of my raging emotions and I’m afraid of what I’ll turn into when all my restraints snap. A mess, that’s the most likely answer.

“Well....“ Sykkuno trails off, clearly more than a little nervous, “I don’t have a girlfriend right now, and I haven’t had one in a while...Nor has a girl shown any interest to be more than friends with me in what feels like forever.“

“I’m sure you just don’t notice the hints girls drop. We can be pretty subtle.“ I try to sound as nonchalant as possible while I’m still in my panicked animal mode. And by animal I mean a cub. A scared cub that is now showing confidence but will run and hide right afterwards. I silently thank the universe that I’m not streaming right now. I can feel the heat on my neck and cheeks which is pure embarrassment and would have been more than evident on-camera.

“Yeah Y/N’s right, Sykkuno. Girls can be very subtle, but they will always let you know if they like you, even through the smallest of gestures. You gotta keep your eyes open.“ Rae backs me up reassuringly.

“Guys never notice anything.“ I say, rolling my eyes. I feel the pressure lessen thanks to Rae’s involvement in the conversation.

“That’s not true.“ Sean protests, “We pay close attention, especially to girls we are attracted to.“

“Yeah!“ Sykkuno pipes in again, “I’m pretty sure I would notice if a girl was dropping signals that she likes me.“

Now that stings. That legit makes me wince and cringe as though his voice delivered an actual physical hit to my chest and stomach. It’s really unpleasant, painful even.

“You never notice.“ There’s something about this triple opportunity - proving him wrong that he’d catch onto a girl’s signals; proving him wrong that girls aren’t attracted to him; coming clean about the biggest emotional struggle I’ve experienced in recent years; - that snaps my last emotional restraints. I will totally regret this later, but after the regret comes the relief which is 100% worth it. 

“What?“ He sounds very puzzled. I can just about imagine him frowning as he tries to wrap his brain around something even I can’t wrap mine around.

“You say you’d notice a girl’s hints of attraction. OK.“ I nonchalantly throw Felix off the submarine in Party Animals while I keep talking, “Would you notice if a girl purposely doesn’t kill you in Among Us when she’s impostor? Or would you notice that a girl always sends you links to videos she finds funny? Or that she always shares music and movie recommendations with you and you only?“ 

Dead silence ensues. I feel like they have all glitched, considering Sean didn’t even try to put up a fight when I lifted him and threw him in the ocean as I previously did with Felix’s avatar.

Maybe I was a tad too specific and made the whole situation hit a little too close to home for me. 

Sykkuno and I have become really close friends and we chat and play games regularly. As I mentioned, I give him movie and music recommendations and I only recently started acknowledging the fact that I’ve never killed him in Among Us. Natural instinct I guess. In fact, I feel the need for vengeance when he’s killed. I refuse to even vote for him unless it’s absolutely necessary.

Now that I think about it, it’s not his fault he has no clue. I just don’t know how to properly drop hints.  

“Um...I mean, I guess I would notice but I’d never think they are that type of hints.“ He finally replies.

On point there, dear. On damn point.

“What does it take for you to be convinced that a girl is into you?“ Who cares that a bunch of people are about to witness this outpour? It’ll make it more real, yes, but it will also help me believe that it happened so I don’t try to crawl back to the point where return is an option. No return now. You’ve already passed two thirds of the way. The last one will set you and your mind free. 

“The only way I can be sure is if she tells me, really.“ He sounds so nervous and shy, like he’s trying to draw as little attention as possible.

He doesn’t have to worry. I’m about to pull all the attention on me.

“Well in that case....you leave me no other choice.“ My screen displays me as the winner of this round of Party Animals - an easy one considering my friends are glitched in real life. “I like you, Sykkuno. I like you a lot. And I know you will see it from every context except the one its meant to be in so I’ll be even more head-on - I’ve liked you, as more than a friend for quite some time now, but buddy, you can be sooo oblivious sometimes. Anyway...“ Here’s that regret I was talking about, it’s already creeping in. “Don’t feel the need to say it back. I don’t wanna hear it if you don’t mean it. And Rae,“ I can’t help but laugh at the thought, “Sorry for making your chat go crazy. Peace!“

And I disconnect from the Discord call.

“See? That wasn’t so hard, was it?“ I say out loud, staring at my desktop. “The cat’s out of the bag and you can move on now.“

I push myself to get some work done in order to get my mind off the mess I’ve created. I’m afraid of thinking about it, I know I’ll get too upset to do anything with the rest of my day if I do.

Suddenly, just as I’m about to open my email, my phone chimes. My brain doesn’t bother to stop my arm from automatically reaching out and checking the notification. A message.

From Sykkuno.

~ I knew you didn’t suggest me ‘My Best Friend’s Wedding’ for no reason

Me ~ So...?

~ So, I’m not the only oblivious one here, Y/N

Me ~ Wait WHAT?

~ ‘Nick And Norah’s Infinite Playlist’?

Me ~ Oooohhhh...I see

It takes him a few seconds to reply, the bubble with the three bouncing dots popping up and disappearing a few times now. I just now feel my heart banging against the inside of my ribcage, my pulse echoing in my ears.

He did seem a little too eager for me to watch that movie...

~ So, movie date?

I laugh, wholeheartedly and honestly. Genuine joy running through my veins.

Me ~ So it is.

The grin that is now decorating my features promises to stay there for the rest of the day. I bite my bottom lip at the thought that pops into my head.

Me ~ Phew, I can stop sparing you in Among Us from now on

He sends me three cry-laughing emojis in return, but I don’t need those. I can just imagine him laughing as he usually does with one hand covering his mouth. And here I thought my grin couldn’t grow wider.

 Imagining him happy makes me smile. His happiness makes me happy. He makes me happy.

Even better...

I think the feeling’s mutual.

[johannesviii]

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2020

You know, when I finished my latest list and realised every decade had the same pattern and that we were slowly going towards a series of great years for pop, I didn’t realise how good that year would be.

What’s at the top? Am I boringly predictable because I already said I loved that song all the way back in January 2020? Let’s find out.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will probably be stuff in French somewhere on this post. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

So. Uh. How was your 2020?

Mine was actually surprisingly good, considering. I’m lucky enough to have a job that I can partially do from home, and I was extremely paranoid from the get-go and nobody got sick under this roof so far. Turns out I’m even better at my job from home and I got permission to work from home one day per week even after the health crisis is over! My first name was also finally officially approved and I can’t tell you how happy I feel about that. I almost feel bad to have had such a good year considering the circumstances. I feel like an asshole just because I’m happy, haha.

The only frustrating part was that I was supposed to see Hatari in concert in Paris in early April which, as you can guess, was cancelled. I’m not too mad about it though, since their tour was called “Europe will crumble” and the message saying the tour was cancelled started with “since Europe is actually crumbling due to Covid-19″ and that’s hysterical.

Good or interesting albums that came out in 2020 now, let’s see.

Nightwish released Human/Nature, which was a huge letdown compared to their previous album, but I will relisten to it at some point to make sure I wasn’t just in a bad mood that day.

The Birthday Massacre released Diamonds, which might be their weakest album since their debut, but contained some real gems (I listened to The Last Goodbye on a loop, it floored me. Flashback and Enter are also very good).

The 1975 released Notes On A Conditional Form, and let’s be real, it’s a f█cking mess. You could cut half the tracks and end up with an excellent album, but as it is it’s like, yes, a collection of notes ; however there’s some truely excellent shit on it (see unelligible songs).

Thanks to a friend on a discord server I was exposed to Dorian Electra’s music and I haven’t been quite the same ever since. I’m so happy to be alive to see other enbies making such great music with an insanely good aesthetic surrounding it and asking so many interesting questions about gender. Also the arc the ‘gentleman’ character goes through over the course of the entire tracklist of the 2020 My Agenda album is absolutely hilarious, don’t @ me.

I also discovered 100 Gecs this year. Why are most of you guys saying it’s unlistenable garbage. It’s just as abrasive and over the top as industrial music is, but with none of the edginess or drama. I love it. What the hell. But yeah Tree of Clues was released this year. Good.

Speaking of industrial, in March 2020 Nine Inch Nails were like “hey remember when we released Ghosts I-IV a decade ago entirely for free and how amazing that was? Well we’re all in lockdown and bored as hell so here’s Ghosts V-VI and it’s also free. Enjoy” and I f█cking died instantly. And it’s even better than I-IV. What the hell was that year

Jonsi released Shiver. It’s strange and highly experimental. I’m pretty sure it’s a good thing I was into hyperpop this year, otherwise going from his previous material straight to this album would have been brutal.

Yadda yadda yadda After Hours by the Weeknd good yadda yadda.

I’ve joked about that already but if you had told me in 2019 that 2020 would have fires, a pandemic, riots, monoliths appearing and disappearing, and also a super good Machine Gun Kelly album, guess which part I would have found the most ridiculous. But yeah uh. Tickets to my Downfall good

So uh this year I tried to listen to some hyperpop and liked it a lot, and I also dipped my toes timidly into screamo and listened to Svalbard, who released When I Die this year, and the entire album was a very beautiful, very intricately decorated punch to the face. It sounds like God Is An Astronaut except with a shit ton of yelling. I love it. Open Wound is my favorite track on it.

But no, despite all of this, my album of the year was from a band I had never even heard about before that year, called Spanish Love Songs. The album is titled Brave Faces Everyone and it’s line after line after line of extremely relatable generational angst but yelled with complete sincerity and it’s so propulsive and energetic you can’t help but feel both exhausted and ready to fight the entire universe. I don’t know how it works, but it’s incredible. The entire album is wonderfully brutal, so it’s kind of difficult to pick my favorite songs on it, but Beachfront Property and the title track stand out.

Unelligible songs, now, and there’s, uh, quite a few of them too so I’m also gonna use bullet points. Good lord this post is gonna be long.

First, let me say I have literally no idea why Midnight Sky by Miley Cyrus wasn’t a bigger hit. It’s not on the year-end US top 100 and it feels extremely wrong. Would have made it to #4 on this list otherwise.

I still entertain the vague hope that stuff from Machine Gun Kelly will chart higher in 2021 but I doubt it will happen so I might as well tackle it now and say that Bloody Valentine and especially Forget Me Too are both excellent and that it’s a shame radios aren’t playing them more often.

Heaven by the late Avicii featuring Coldplay should have charted in 2019 and still didn’t chart in 2020 and that’s a real shame.

If the world was a bit less unfair, Lovesick Girls by Blackpink would have been a hit rather than the awful Ice Cream.

One day I will stop complaining about my bafflement concerning the lack of mainstream pop charts success of The 1975. Today is not that day. I just love how they keep making songs about extremely awkward relationships full of weird details, and I haven’t grown tired of that yet. So yeah If You’re Too Shy is about a guy who’s crush is asking him to get naked on Skype in his hotel room and he’s, uh, not too sure about that idea.

And Me & You Together is about a guy who never finds the right moment to tell his best friend he’s in love with her, and he manages to do so at the end and it’s cute as hell. My fave part is “I'm sorry that I'm kinda queer / It's not as weird as it appears / It's 'cause my body doesn't stop me (Stop me) / Oh, it's okay, lots of people think I'm gay / But we're friends, so it's cool, why would it not be?”. Relatable as f█ck.

And now for an international hit that should have been bigger in the US and/or in my country but wasn’t: Head & Heart by Joel Corry and MNEK.

I’ve heard Nos Célébrations by Indochine extremely often on French radio for months now so I was very surprised to see that it didn’t crack the local year-end list. What happened.

I can finally hear the appeal of Bring Me The Horizon. It took me ages. And also Death Stranding. The song Ludens isn’t in the game per say, but it’s among the ones you can pick to broadcast briefly when people drive by your constructions, and long story short it's been living rent-free in my head for months now.

Phew.

It’s time for a round of Honorable Mentions for elligible songs, containing a couple of guilty pleasures, which is saying something considering the kind of shit I put on some of my previous lists.

Ne Reviens Pas (Gradur et Heuss l’Enfoiré) - Heuss is a French artist that kept baffling me while making my lists for the previous years, and I was like “??? ok, that’s it then, I guess I’m getting too old to get what teenagers find funny”. This one worked for me, though. And the music video doesn’t hurt. Really dumb and really fun.

Adore You (Harry Styles) - Perfectly good little pop song, very pleasant to listen to, never outstayed its welcome for me.

Mood (24kGoldn) - This doesn’t sound like a very good relationship, my dude, but that’s still a super pleasant song.

WAP (Cardi B & Megan Thee Stallion) - This song is absolutely hilarious and I will hear no argument from any of you.

Control (Zoe Wees) - Was clearly a hit here. Should have been even bigger though. What a powerful but comfy voice. If I had better taste it would be on the list.

Hot Girl Bummer (Blackbear) - I. Uh. Listen. I keep saying I have bad taste and nobody believes me. Do you believe me now. But yeah. “F█ck you, and you, and you~, I hate your friends and they hate me too” is gonna pop in my head every single time someone is being a jerk anywhere near me now. It’s been happening all year already. Someone trashed my documents at work? Someone isn’t wearing a mask in public? That guy has filled his car with rolls of toilet paper? Brain goes “F█ck you, and you, and you~”. Every. Single. Time.

Come & Go (Juice WRLD & Marshmello ) - Damn, that’s a pretty good little song. I’ve seen plenty of people saying it’s ruined by the drop, but may I remind you I’m the person who loves Blue by Eiffel 65 with all my heart. If the song was ramping up consistently until the end instead of ending like that, it would have made the list, definitely.

And now, the actual list. This one actually feels pretty solid, I genuinely like everything on it, there’s no filler here for once.

10 - The Box (Roddy Rich)

US: #3 / FR: #23

Now this is a weird case, because for the longest time I couldn’t figure out why this song was so popular and I was completely neutral about it. Then, one morning in September, my mental jukebox (which always, always puts a song on a loop in my head when I wake up) decided to play it. And I was like oh wow?? I never noticed the atmosphere in that song before? It’s so great. And that hook too. Let’s listen to it.

So yeah, I don’t know what happened. It just clicked one day and everything fell into place, I guess.

9 - Alane (Wes & Robin Shulz)

US: Not on the list / FR: #93

Come on. You can’t do a remake of one of my previous #1 songs and let it chart in 2020. That’s cheating. Even with this subpar drop, I have to put it on the list, now.

I’ve already said my piece about the original, so I’m just going to send you back to my 1997 list.

8 - Kings and Queens (Ava Max)

US: Not on the list / FR: #76

[BBC documentary voice] After Lady Gaga decided to make piano balads and left her musical niche vacant, Ava Max quickly took her place as the top predator pop diva. Even after Lady Gaga was re-introduced to her natural habitat in 2020, she still hasn’t fully recovered in Europe, where Ava Max still reigns supreme on the charts -

(tldr I think it’s hilarious that this isn’t on the US Billboard while Lady Gaga isn’t on the French year-end top 100)

7 - Roses (Saint Jhn & Imanbek)

US: #19 / FR: #3

What an earworm. It doesn’t even bother trying to have an intro or an outro, so it loops almost perfectly. It’s like entering a party that started long before you arrived, and it will go on long after you leave it to go back home. Kind of hypnotic in a way.

And yes, my mental jukebox was very fond of using it to wake me up this year, so this is another song that’s here almost solely because of that.

6 - Physical (Dua Lipa)

US: Not on the list / FR: #69 (hehehe)

“Hey I’m not that old�� says the guy who’s definitely a sucker for this kind of retro throwback that was so popular this year. Oh well.

I don’t have anything interesting to say about this one, though. Apart from the fact that everyone seems to have a different fave song on that album. Guess that’s quality for you.

5 - Rain on Me (Lady Gaga & Ariana Grande)

US: #48 / FR: Not on the list

That is far from being Lady Gaga’s best song, but it was a joy to listen to everytime it was on the radio anyway. Also Ariana Grande has surprisingly good chemistry with Gaga! This year was full of strange duets mostly made for commercial reasons, and this one isn’t an exception, but unlike a lot of them, it really, really works.

4 - Dynamite (BTS)

US: #38 / FR: Not on the list

I’m still not 100% sold on k-pop even if a ton of it sounds super good, but come on. Even if some bits of this song (especially the beginning of the second chorus) sound a bit like they were made on autopilot, it still sounds just as happy and fun several months after I first heard it and I never got tired of it. That’s quality. You hear it and you can’t help but tap your feet and smile.

Actually, I’m sure there’s people somewhere that don’t smile when they hear this song. And they must be avoided at all costs.

3 - Godzilla (Eminem ft Juice WRLD)

US: #62 / FR: Not on the list

What are you doing so high on this list, old man. Why are you still here in the year 2020. I thought we left you in the previous decade. Who gave you the right.

I’m gonna tell you who did, and it’s actually Juice WRLD. Because that chorus is incredible, and like a lot of people I’m pissed off because the guy died super young and this shit shouldn’t happen to anybody. No, his early material wasn’t great, but I’m sorry I’m gonna say it again: have you heard this damn chorus? It’s suspenseful and dark, it’s got this lowkey menacing quality, it’s an earworm and a half, and it’s more convincing in like six lines than Eminem’s own flexing is in the entire song.

The beat is extremely good as well, and the flow, obviously, impressive. The weakest link is Eminem’s writing, which is as usual full of puns and weird wordplay, except here a lot of it isn’t great, and that last ultra fast part at the end is technically impressive but it also drives the song up a cliff and stops it dead in its tracks once it’s over. But frankly the lines fly by so fast it’s difficult to be too annoyed by them.

Can I sincerely put this extremely flawed song so high on my list? A better question would be “did I spend hours trying to learn how to sing this shit without choking on my own spit?”. The answer is yes. To both.

2 - Heartless (The Weeknd)

US: #28 / FR: Not on the list

I’ve said it on my 2015 and 2016 lists already, but just for the record I’ll say it again: it took me ages to like The Weeknd, mostly because I found most of his songs fairly boring, or disliked the lyrics, or both. Also I never really liked the general vibe of his “sexy” songs like The Hills, they felt dark but in an unpleasant creepy way. Felt like miserable hedonism, if that makes sense.

So, because I’m a person with extremely consistent and logical tastes, here’s the exact same shit he was making before, except that this time I absolutely adore it.

What is he doing differently that makes the whole After Hours album click for me whereas almost all of his previous material failed to do so? Is it the energy? Is it the reverb? Is it the fact that the narrator sounds properly unhinged and, frankly, scared to be spiralling out of control? Why are the colors so beautiful yet full of anxiety? Why is that bridge so fantastic? How can you make your voice look like a glowstick in the dark?

I give up. I have no clue. At least I’m done talking about-

Oh.

1 - Blinding Lights (The Weeknd)

US: #1 / FR: #1 (listen sometimes something’s just that good, ok)

Surprise. Or not.

Wow, look at that, Johannes has put this year’s number one pop song at number one on their personal playlist. The audacity. The edge. What a hot take.

I discovered that song when it first came out at the end of 2019 and I adored it instantly. And I was so scared it wouldn’t be a hit. Which means I’m a f█cking dumbass considering it ended up breaking all sorts of records in 2020. But what can I say, overplay can be a blessing when you love a song that much.

Like every single song I put at number one on one of my lists, I will draw this one at some point and you will understand how incredibly satisfying it is to listen to a song called Blinding Lights, talking about city lights looking blurry when you’re driving at night, while looking itself like a bunch of blurry city lights passing by super fast. Perfect in every way.

Also it sounds exactly like A-ha, and that never hurts.

See you next year! Pretty sure it will be even better music-wise.

[alexlabhont]

I didn’t mean to fall in love with you

Chapter Two

Book: Queen B - Choices (Universe)

Pairing:  Poppy Min-Sinclair x Trans!Male MC  (Beck Hughes)

Genre: Canon re-write (Because I can)

Rating: Anyone can read it, really... I think.

I´ll be posting this one over here because Tumblr, for some reason, thinks my secondary blog is a bot...

This is me trying to write by and for the Trans community, specially FTM community, meaning, trans guys, but I actually took the liberty to use They/them pronouns for everyone out there who´s interested (Also, the name Beck was the most neutral one I could find, trying to use the cannon Bea Hughes)

Now, about the PAIRING... I will be using choices style, kinda. If you have any comment, PLEASE BE RESPECTFULL and patient with me. This is also my first english fanfic and english is not my mother language, so... i’m sorry fo the grammar errors

CHAPTERS

The beginning

Chapter one 

ONE-SHOTS

Just a dance (Zoey x MC)

—————————————————————————–

One of their favorite things of all New York experience it's having lunch with Zoey. The girl was funny and interesting and she always had the right conversation to spend time with. Also, she had an incredible taste in music, they both even shared some classes together, working in pair so often that the rest of their classmates just knew they weren't available to them.

So when Beck found out Zoey co-produced the last summer hit, they weren't surprised, what was making some teeny tiny noise in their head was…

“Did you really co-produced Lightning and you didn't tell me?!”

… That.

Beck was impressed, of course. They where proud! That song was one of their personal favorites, so the fact of knowing they were collaborating all this time with such a spectacular talent was an honor.

“To be fair, you never asked” She chuckled.

“Oh, yeah. Yeah, Zoey: Hey, my name's Beck, had you ever co-produced a summer hit? Because I haven’t”. Beck ironized. The news were all over The T, and it definitely had to do with a little lunch Zoey managed to have with the same Professor Roberta, making her finally be friends with Beck. “By the way, thank you very much. You didn’t have to do that.”

“Babe, you just bought us a $200 lunch. I think you deserved not to have some teachers bad blood”

“Maybe I did it to be on your good side” Beck winked towards her, making Zoey laugh.

“Such a charmer, aren’t you?” Zoey opened their room door, finally reaching their home. “Careful, Beck. You’re going to make me believe I'm your favorite girl.”

“How says you aren’t?”

“Hum… I don’t know” She tapped her chin with a perfect polished fingernail, pretending to be thinking about it. “Maybe some little bird called Ina Kingsley.

Ow! Low blow

“Ah, gotcha!” Zoey laughed.

“Ok, that’s completely unfair! You know it was one-time thing and we ended whatever that was as soon as we found out we were teacher-student” Which was practically the very next day, by the way… kinda.

“Still… I think you should make it up to me for it.” Oh, that little flirty game between them. Beck was curious about it most of the time. Was it just a joke? Something more? Back at Farmville they never had a friendship relationship like that one, but Zoey was never really clear about the matter neither.

Instead, she always came up with some Ina related topic and it was confusing as fuck. I mean, yeah, they kissed Zoey in front of everyone in that football kiss cam. Beck thought that time that it was very clear they wanted to be more than friends with her. But apparently, she didn't feel the same, so… they won’t be pushing her. Beck would never oblige someone to be into… well… them.

“What can I do? Please tell” They said, playing along with her.

“You're a smart one. I'm sure you’ll find a way to do so.” Damn it, Zoey…

“I already have a few ideas… Scandalous lingerie.” Beck joked some more, a mischievous smile on their lips. “I’m thinking satin sheets, handcuffs, maybe a blindfold…”

“I like this image. You, sprawled out on the mattress, completely at my mercy…” Zoey moved closer to them, trailing her finger up their arm, making them shiver.

“Come on, Zo. Back down already! At least show me something, do something.”

“I might just take you up on that someday.” She said before walking away, teasing them.

“Gwaah!”

Beck hated that. Really, that kind of frustration was no good at all.

“Crap, I'm gonna be late for music theory! This is not good. The prof is a total hardass.”

“Told ya! You should’ve choose professor Liam as I did. You brought this on yourself.”

“And now you’re just an asshole” She said smiling, hitting Beck right on their arm.

“Ouch! Rude…”

“I’ll catch up with you tonight, yeah?”

“It’ a date”

~~X~~

“Are you sure you’re ok, Poppy?” Veronica asked. She looked preoccupied, and she was… But Poppy wasn’t the one in her mind. The blogger was worried for Chloe.

She was number one now, dethroning Poppy so suddenly that it was suspicious, especially knowing the blonde dumb head girl. She adores Poppy since they were kids, Chloe would never betray her, never. But of course, Poppy wouldn’t see that; no, the strawberry blonde was furious, feeling backstabbed, feeling like revenge…

Of course, you couldn´t blame her. She lived all her life between smoke and mirrors.

“Of course I am!” She replied, knotting her white transparent beach dress, covering up a sexy pink bikini. Poppy took a deep breath and accommodated her cleavage so it shows part of her chest, just a little, seductively inviting, but demure enough no to seem made on purpose. She was an expert on it, and she was about to prove her theory right about now. “I´ll take care of that traitor later…” She checked the hour on her phone. She had invited Farmsville to come there around this time. Test number one: They needed to be punctual, no lover –real or fake- of hers is an irresponsible with her time. She had better things to do than waiting around for an asshole. “Now come, Hughes must be here by now”

 “No, I think I’m going to stay right here. Light’s perfect” Poppy rolled her eyes at the way Veronica was trying to find the right angle to make her face look impossible good. She always manages to do so, though.

The strawberry blonde crossed the room, walking through the cabin towards the swimming pool room, she could see Beck there, on time, talking with Michael. Poppy smiled to herself.

“Test passed, Farmsville…”

“… It was built by the Alphas and Zetas as a place to study, party, hook up… Now the only people who come here are - -“

“The people I decide should be here.” She made her entrance.

Test number two: Is Beck into girls? Kissing Zoey didn´t count, Poppy herself had kissed a lot of friends without liking them, she had to prove it herself first hand. So she walked to them with confidence, head up high while moving her hips seductively, attentive to Beck´s every reaction, reading their face, their expressions, the little gulp in their throat, the way their eyes opened wild, checking her out, looking at her boobs…

“Disgusting pervert”

… to her eyes, were Beck fixed their own to stay, always to the face. Beck was trying to be polite, respectful, but the red on their cheeks was exactly the same they had back in the class. They liked what they saw, Poppy knew it. Just to verify, she took a look at the rest of Alphas, who looked away the moment they were discovered. Ugh, gross.

“… but… you have manners. I like it… Second test approved. Well done.”

“Welcome, Farmsville. Let’s discuss our little project, shall we?” An inviting smirk was drawn on Poppy’s lips, willing to test the limits of her new discovery, how much more could she play with Beck today?

“Oh, sure. See ya guys at gym” Beck said, bumping fists and shoulders with the Alphas as if they were good friends. One more of them. For an instant, Poppy found herself wishing they won’t turn Beck into a brainless gorilla. Beck was fine just like already was.

A blonde head caught her eye from behind Beck, saving her of questioning what was that though about because the anger crawled its way up her stomach, keeping her from minding of anything else. “Hold on. What is she doing here?”

The fucking nerve!

The audacity!

Every person in the room was watching Chloe, but nobody had the rage Poppy had. Of course she made them block the entry, how dare she?! After a little scene, that bitch finally went away. To think she considered Chloe her very own best friend! Deep inside, she was hurt, she felt used… The society was right: never to trust anyone, because their always pretending, always faking no matter what they said. Waiting the right moment to strike. That was a mistake she was never going to repeat. Never. She was about to leave, ready to start the project, but of course, Beck was about to ruin her mood one more time.

“That was… pretty rough…” What did they just say? The strawberry girl observed Beck. There was no rest of respect in them, conversely, Beck looked at Poppy as if she was Narnia´s White Witch, what happened to the little lamb look? “I get it if ya’ll are in a fight, but isn’t she supposed to be, like, your best friend?”

God, they were an idiot.

“You´re not here to be my moral compass, Farmsville. Shut the fuck up and walk with me. The rest of you, get out. Now”

Once alone, they both walked slowly around the pool, silence… She didn’t enjoy that. At all. But it was necessary and she couldn´t show any weakness sign to anyone there. Especially not Beck. But… She was now sure of one thing: Beck didn’t care about looks, but actions, or… feelings?

“Have you checked the student ranking today?” She asked, her voice softened. Beck shook their head. They looked at her phone, and after a while…

“Oh boy. Chloe is…”

“Don´t say it…” She was angry, venom caught in her throat, but instead, she let that out like a whisper. A hurt one. She wasn’t faking it, but controlling her emotions on her benefit. Wanting more test, Poppy slipped off her heels and went to sit at the edge of the pool. A moment after, she felt Beck doing the same.

“Bingo”

“It’s just as my parents told me… You don´t have any real friends, Poppy. Just allies. Hmp! Looks like they were right all this time.”

“Poppy, I…” They said, unsure.

“Such a shame.” She stopped him, going back to the anger. “I don’t know who she thinks she is, or who she had to sleep with to knock me out of my spot, but if she thinks this is over she is so wrong. It’s utter betrayal is what it is. That girl is dead to me.” Silence. Was that too soon? Did she got it wrong, again?

“Poppy, you´re too hot to worry about this”

Yes… now they can play.

------

Next

[starry--sarah]

 haven’t come to a full decision about my feeling towards this episode but I’m going to try and compile them into an organized essay type thing. But first, off I would like to say I LOVED episode 6 and I hated episode 7 ( I shamefully admit I was sobbing by the end). It felt like things were going so well in 6 and then it all crashed and burned in 7 but I digress, this is going to be a long one. Fair warning it’s going to be kinda biased but these are just my thoughts your not in any way obligated to agree. 

Misc 

Leif and Joan 

Ok first off, Lauren Graham is as usual a queen 

I thought it was funny and good for the plot that Joan was aware that Leif was using her, so, therefore, there most likely won’t be a big explosion of drama if everyone found out or something like that 

But on that note, I sensed some hesitation on Joan’s part about breaking it off. So I really hope the whole thing doesn’t come back to bite her 

And also props to Joan for getting that cash money for the chirp 

Lastly, I personally think Michael Thomas Grant is underappreciated! He is so good like he can even give Skyler Astin a run for his money at times like he popped off with those runs/belts in I Put a Spell on You as well as his stuff in Episode 5

also I know this doesn't have anything to do with Leif or Joan but where was Mo?? He would have helped Zoey so much. 

Simon 

Ok first off what I have to say is BOY NEEDS TO GET HIS CRAP TOGETHER 

At the beginning of the show, my mom and I loved Simon he was probably our favorite character but with the past couple of episodes I like him less and less 

The fact that he is engaged but he would so blatantly be into Zoey’s “I Want You to Want me”  and be that physical with her is dis-gus-tan 

To add to my last point, he initiated the kiss… that- I- just why?! he has this beautiful supportive (well not so much now but that’s null) Fiance and he’s seemingly fine with the fact that he’s outright cheating on her. I understand if he no longer has feelings for her because we can admit that her comment about his dad was not ok, but if so he could have at least broken things off with her first.

He also was extremely close to her in should I stay or should I go (ep. 5)  he came to do more than talk 

I can fully admit  Zoey and Simon do have chemistry but if you water it all down, their relationship is mainly based on the death and impending death (ouch that hurt :(  ) of their fathers and work and if you add on Simon cheating on and leaving his fiance for Zoey, that’s not the best foundation you want to build a relationship on 

That also being said, he cheated on Jessica so whos to say he won’t on Zoey?  

Max and Zoey

Zoey 

I’m glad that Zoey has character flaws because you don’t see that often and it honestly helps you to relate to the character more so even though it can be frustrating at times I’m glad that’s the direction the writers are taking 

Jane Levy did a spectacular job in episode 8 and I love every number even though there was a lot of 2nd hand embarrassment she did great and I’m proud of her. 

Obviously I think Zoeys making a mistake pursuing Simon in 8  

Also, this is an example of the witing being inconsistent or maybe it’s just her character I’m still trying to figure that part out but she was on the right track in ep. 6 when she told to Simon “this is over, all of it” as well as telling him to go at the beginning of the episode and “keeping it professional from now on” but in ep. 8 it all crumbles 

I’m Yours was adorable and How Do I Live was absolute heart wrenching, she also must have worked her tail off on the choreography because it was amazing 

Zoey is in some serious denial about Max but that’s ok. While she shouldn’t have played with Max’s emotions like she did with bringing  Autumn into the picture and telling him about her powers rather than having the conversation with Max about her feelings. She is 100% allowed to not want to explore anything romantic with Max right now. Besides her dad, (her mom is still important to don’t worry ) he is the most important person to her. He is her “rock” and she’s already losing her dad, so I can completely understand how terrible it would be for her to lose him too so she doesn’t want to risk it. Her reasons are valid she just has a hard time with feelings.

Max 

This man has my whole heart 

I’m Gonna Be (500 miles) is BEAUTIFUL and I’ve never cried but also smiled so much out of all the songs he sings this one is the most genuine and I love it 

Ep 7 was a trainwreck though and I hated the flash mob, so much. This is another example of inconsistent writing Max having a flash mob is indeed very Max and it was a cool twist that it’s not in her head but it’s extremely inconsistent with Max’s character. Max has been friends with Zoey for years and obviously has a strong bond with her family as well. Through all this romance drama he is still Zoeys best friend. So it makes absolutely no sense for him to have professed his feelings for Zoey through a flashmob. When you are best friends with someone for a long amount of time you get to know what kind of person they are. Zoey is a very introverted, quiet, movie night, profess your love over dinner or somewhere not in public in front of a ton of people type of person. The fact that he did that makes no sense as her long time best friend he should have the knowledge that she would be uncomfortable. It’s not the character its the writing 

On the subject of inconsistent writing, I understand that its the first season so I’m trying no to hold it against them

I feel for Max being upset about Zoey not being honest with him about her feelings and her being up on Simon after she sang to him because who wouldn’t be upset but the way he gets so pissy about it isn’t ok. He’s really pushing Zoey into getting in a relationship with him even though shes said that she’s not ready yet. Arrogance is definitely a character flaw for him but also like I said before there’s just some more inconsistent writing going on with his character. I still love him though

You’ve got to give him props though because he was there for Zoey even through the end and still helped her with her dad even though what had happened  

Zoey/Max relationship 

First off, these two are so cute even if you don’t ship them and their songs to each other rock 

They definitely are there for each other and they already have a strong, (mainly) healthy relationship

You could see Zoey sort of smile when Max was singing 500 miles AND THERE WAS CLEAR INTERLACING OF THE FINGERS, not a caring come with me we’re just friends hand cup it was walking in the park holding hands whilst on a date, fingers interlacing deal 

After Zoey sang I’m Yours to him that goofy smile made me well up he was so happy it was ear to ear 

The statement about the songs in ep. 8 are attraction vs. love is true, if they wanted Zoey to sing him a song about being there for him it definitely wouldn’t have been I’m Yours it probably would have been something like Count on Me by Bruno Mars or I’ll Be There for You by the Rembrandts (Friends theme)  

Also if the two of them work out can they PLEASE sing Lucky (another song by Jason Mraz) together 

And statistically speaking its justified for them to get together in the end, so I’m just going to put this out here I’m not trying to rub it in anyone’s face

Simon and Max both have main songs they sing to Zoey (though Max has more than one this is the main one so far)  Simons song, Should I Stay or Should I GO audio has 9.8k views on youtube. Max’s song I’m Gonna Be (500 miles) has 54k views for the audio on youtube 

In ep. 8 Zoey sings a song to both men, she sang I Want You to Want Me to Simon which has 2.7k views. While the song she sang to Max, I’m Yours has 3.6k (and 19k on the actual video) 

The I’m Gonna Be (500 miles) video has 90k views and the video titled Zoey caught feelings for Simon and his fiance knows video, where she admits to her mom about her feelings towards Simon, has 14k (they didn’t upload should I stay or should I go)  

[silver-wield]

Hi this is not Cloti related but do you have an analysis on Cloud's relationship with Jessie? Particularly during chapter 4 after the bike mini-game? Cloud looks worried

Sorry this took a while, Nonny, I get a bit done in from life lol

So Cloud and Jessie, the girl who absolutely has no issue throwing herself at our boi. It's pretty good for him because at least he gets used to girls being all over him and helps him make his mind up just who he wants to show attention to #cough# Tifa #cough#

Ok, spoiler warning for ppl who haven’t played – do I still need to do this? Eh ok, (I tag FF7R spoilers as final fantasy 7 remake spoilers) and it’s gonna be smol.

Also, this is one person’s interpretation of the scene, so if you disagree that’s cool and we’ll agree to disagree.

You’re also gonna have to excuse the janky quality on some of the screens, I’m grabbing them from Youtube and it’s frustrating af trying to get the exact moment I want.

Please check my master post to see if I've already covered your question, thanx

Let's mosey!

Recap time!

Chapter four and our reluctant hero has been roped into help the avalanche trio go topside. Problem is they missed the last train and have to take their bikes instead. Cue a few problems with security and a meeting with the master of extra, Roche. Once that's out of the way, Jessie rewards Cloud depending on your expertise.

This scene has 3 optional endings.

Quick aside, I find it hilarious that Cloud literally tells Jessie to shut up and get off the bike when she starts annoying him during the minigame.

Ok, ending one. The bad ending where Jessie's beyond disappointed with you. These are hard to pick apart because a lot of Cloud's attention is on the road, so the usual microexpressions are even harder to catch.

But look what I caught anyway! Check that brow quirking like “excuse you?” and it's accurate because he says he's a great driver in the next moment. I really love going over these scenes and spotting all these because they build such a clearer picture of Cloud is as a person. And clearly boi doesn't like his driving ability being questioned, especially seeing how Jessie didn't do squat to help him, aside from being annoying lol

Well, Cloud does seem a bit worried here if the frown is anything to go by. I'm guessing it's because this is the bad ending and as much as he's not into Jessie, he doesn't like people having a bad impression of him. He doesn't like the idea that he's not thought of as the big badass capable merc in all ways, so this could well be hints of that self-doubt coming through. 

Although, after watching the other two endings, this is the only time we see this typical cycle of expressions he does before concluding something. This is what I like to call a real!Cloud inner debate. Cloud often goes through a lot of quick expressions or his eyes dart around. Since they can’t do that here, we get the former. Judging from the frown at the end, he’s not impressed with his own performance and likely berating himself for not being good enough. Again. Someone call a therapist for Cloud, plz.

And moving onto the second ending, which you get if you did ok on the minigame. These are making me wonder which one's canon. I don't think it's the kiss and actually, it may well be the bad one since that's where we get the most facial expression and close ups from Cloud compared to the others where we see the back of his head or a mid range view.

For this scene we only get one close up of Cloud's face and it's pretty much SOLDIER!Cloud and then the next time he speaks you can't even see his face. This is the kind of thing that hints to me which optional scene is the one we're supposed to be getting for Cloud's narrative story (and that I actually forgot about for my playthrough as Cloud lol I got the middle one because I kinda suck at fighting Roche, but I try).

Yeah, so a lot of sighing from Cloud at Jessie, the annoyed kind. I mean, we know she kinda irritates him, but he likes her too, just not in a romantic way. You also don't see his reaction to her “I might be falling after all” line and only hear him say “hmm?” Then when his face is next in frame it's full on SOLDIER, so there's really nothing to pick apart.

And now the good ending where you get a kiss from Jessie! Ooh lala!!

CLOUD'S FACE HERE! OMG I'M DYING! He's such a boi in a man sometimes! Adorable af! Definitely never even had a kiss on the cheek before in his life and look at the ott reaction to it!

WAIT! Wait! I've seen that face before somewhere!

YES OMG I'M DYING! It's the same reaction as the one to Aerith's best dress! OMG!

I'm sorry, I genuinely need a minute....

Ok, so...looool ok....I can be sensible here....maybe loool erm, the unrealistic expression on Cloud's face shows that it's unlikely this is the outcome that happened. But, on the other hand if the red dress happened then so did this kiss, so choose your poison lol

omg I love the devs for this! I really do! This is hilarious! I can’t even look at these two pics without laughing!

Ok, sensible. Kinda. 

And last one where Cloud looks grim af as usual, but with a hint of “what do I do about this?” because Jessie kissed him and he's not interested and he has no clue what to do with women and likely wants to reject her, but still doesn't know what to do with women, so you can see the dilemma he's in lol

It doesn't help when Jessie tries calling him out on it and he has this tiny frown in response. His attention is split between trying to talk to her and driving, so it's no wonder he's not that talkative and abrupt. If I wanted to speculate I'd say if he actually had an interest in her as more than friends he'd have tried harder. He had his little chat with Marle already, so he's not opposed to putting himself out if he wants to. He doesn't here, but he's still trying to concentrate, so that could explain the lack of attention, but still, Jessie kissed him and he got scowly.

Conclusion.

Well, I for one didn't remember there were 3 of these endings – each with their own remix of Jessie's theme, just like another 3 optional scenes with a remixed theme lol the parallels are killing me!

The music for each should also hint at which one is the narrative canon – I'm useless with music analysis so bear with me. The first one does sound like it fits with the other girls' themes, so very simple, easy to listen to in the background and memorable in its way. The second is louder and has more techno notes in, making it seem less like a background piece and more in your face. The last one has vocalists and is a full on pop song! No way is that right lol

For two of the three of these we don't really get much in the way of Cloud's face. It could be put down to him driving, but we get a couple of very good close ups on the bad one with varied expressions, one of which definitely goes towards his personal motivation to be thought of as a hero. Having people point out his faults would cause that kind of reaction.

The second result really doesn't have much in the way of facial expression and Cloud's voice is brisk because he's driving, so I can't really say much about it one way or the other. It’s the one I get the most when I’m playing and it’s kinda blah. Like your standard minigame pass screen. That probably didn’t help.

The last one is hilarious! That's such an exaggerated expression! Do people really believe Cloud pulls that kind of pikachu face on the regular?! I legit needed to stop because I couldn't stop laughing! That's not Cloud or real!Cloud, that's just bloody funny! Also, Cloud doesn't seem too impressed by the result if that last minute frown is any indication. He doesn't want Jessie kissing him, even though it's probably the first time any girl has kissed him – poor sweet summer child lol

If I had to make a guess at the narrative canon I'd say number one, because we know for a fact that Cloud hasn't been driving for years. Boi gets motion sickness ffs! And when did he ever drive a motorcycle? I'd definitely buy that being one of the first times he's ever driven, which would explain why he did so poorly and why he has multiple varied expressions in that result.

[whoaffle]

I love your comics but I feel like you're portraying Rose like some sort of joke. I and a lot of other people who love Rose HC him with anxiety and its really insulting the way you're making him act. Idk maybe you don't HC him the same way but seeing you take Cyrus' depression so seriously and then treating Rose like he's some sort of idiot really stings. Or maybe I'm projecting too much. I'm sorry if this upsets you and you don't have to pay it any mind if you don't want to.

Heya! I’m really sorry that you feel this away about our Rose. First of all, I have to say that I don’t headcanon Rose with anxiety or any other sort of mental issues (like I do with Cyrus), which is why I feel comfortable with portraying him the way I do. In fact, I myself have anxiety (besides depression) and I know just how serious it is, so I wouldn’t want to joke with that. I’m sorry if the way I portray Rose felt insulting, it wasn’t the intention. I’ll try to explain the logic behind our characters, including Rose.

The thing with my comics is that it’s a comedy thing, even though I do take some aspects of it very seriously, so all characters are somewhat treated as “jokes”. Usually the way we make comedy involves working around the characters’ flaws in a way to make them somewhat funny, but keeping the characters likeable and relatable. Each of them has strong “flaws”, and by that I mean characteristics that cause them to generate conflict, even if they are not necessarily “flaws” as in “inherently bad”:

Giovanni is very easily-stressed, he has little patience. He has some family issues too, but we try to play on those carefully. Maxie is very anxious, and has a strong need to be in control of everything because he is very insecure - and that part of him is partially inspired in myself, I have to say. Archie is dumb, like... the one character that is just very dumb in a way that people usually aren’t - but he has lots of positive traits to compensate that. Cyrus has extremely poor social skills, he is very rude and a perfectionist too. Ghetsis is... oof. Ghetsis is kind of the ‘bad example’ character, besides being stressed all the time and sadistic, he is also homophobic, intolerant, violent, etc, etc... In fact, if anyone in my comics is treated kind of unfairly, I suppose that’s Ghetsis... But I intend on giving him some long-term character development, as well as with most characters. Lysandre is super selfish and has no common sense, Guzma is very lazy and a big liar, Lusamine is sometimes creepy and childish... And, well, the “flaws” we gave Piers and Rose are: Piers has self-esteem issues and is very likely to self-depreciate, while Rose is super hasty because he’s always trying too much to help but usually acts before thinking.

All of these traits are like... traits that many people have in their lives, and our intentions are not to make fun of actual people who have these traits - just use them as a tool to make comedy: in order to make it funnier in the comics, we exaggerate them and make them absurd (in a way that most people don’t behave on a daily basis). We like to work with comedy based on absurdity. So the characters behave in such an unlikely way that it turns out as funny. Of course that the absurd can be used the other way round to show tragedy too, you can feel sorry for a character that acts in an absurd way, you can show people being absurdly unfair towards others and that will make the reader feel sad and angry and frustrated...  It all depends on how the narrative works, how things are shown and, specially, how bad the consequences of the absurd actions are. We try to keep things light and funny most of the time, but we understand that humor is a delicate subject, and sometimes it may have an undesired negative effect on people... It has happened before with our Happy Cyrus series, I actually think nowadays that I should have finished that series in a different way, but either way it’s never our intention to make people feel bad. I apologize if that happened to you with our Rose as well.

What we plan to do with Rose is making him “absurdly” hasty (even if he has the best of intentions). He is definitely NOT dumb, though - this is something we have already discussed (me and my siblings). I don’t think Rose is stupid at all, he is actually a very intelligent man when he thinks carefully about things (after all, he is a super successful CEO). The thing is: he often does things before thinking. If I was writing non-comedy or partial-comedy, I would not exaggerate him the way we do in the comics... I’d treat him hastiness more seriously and try to come up with more complex thoughts and feelings behind his actions. But to create the comic effect, we exaggerate all characters to the “absurd” level (as I said), and that’s why Rose acts the way he does for now. This is not only about Rose, we just haven’t had the chance to show his other sides yet. (Trust me, you’ll see Archie doing some really absurd things very soon... And Lysandre as well. In future comics, Guzma too will do very absurd things too... Ghetsis has been doing absurd things since the beginning, and Lusamine does them often as well... etc).

Anyway, there’s also this kind of “balance” between absurd and “relatableness” that we try to keep in the comics, so... while all characters have some trait that is enhanced to an absurd level, we usually alternate which of them is being used as “comic” and which is being used as the “contrast” - that is... Rose breaking the table and Giovanni yelling at him - Rose is being comic, doing something absurd, while Giovanni is the contrast - the character we relate to, that reacts to the absurdity of the situation. However, we can also have: Giovanni yelling at the computer because he doesn’t know how to close the browser window and having a huge fit and Rose telling him the computer can’t understand his screams then offering help - In that situation, Giovanni is the “comic” one - his flaw is the one amplified - and Rose takes the role of “contrast character”. Some characters tend to be contrast more often: usually Maxie, Cyrus, Piers, N and sometimes Guzma and Giovanni; while others are more likely to be comic, such as Archie, Ghetsis, Rose, Colress, Lusamine and Lysandre, but we do have situations in which Maxie or Cyrus are the comic characters and someone like Archie or Colress will work as the contrast. It all depends on the dynamics. Sometimes all characters are being absurd and it’s up the the reader being the contrast, even.

But anyway!!! I kinda took this further than I wanted! (Sorry, I studied Language Arts and I like talking about this kind of stuff). What I think has to be clarified here is: we definitely don’t headcanon Rose with anxiety and the kind of thing he is doing is not meant to be a portrayal of a person with anxiety. Quite the opposite actually: he is a super carefree character in our headcanon, who always believes things will be all right and is almost always OK with everything. He is always trying to help others and that desire to be the one who will solve the problem is what leads him to making hasty choices very often. Also, we will most likely give Rose some more “serious” character arcs, like we want to do with the others, so he will definitely have the opportunity to shine and show his good traits as well. He is very humble, he is generous, he avoids conflict, he is intelligent and creative, he likes to make people smile... He has good things in him, and we want to show them with time, just like we would like to do with all characters.

I hope this explanation makes you feel better about this whole thing. We’ll be careful not to turn Rose into a flat character with only jokes to him... It’s not our intentions, and we want to make him a complex character like the others.

It makes me sad that my comics have hurt you and other fans of Rose, because our intention is to make people smile with them, so I hope you understand what we are trying to do and accept my apologies. I love Rose as much as I love my other characters, and I think the only reason why I am so attached to Cyrus and talk so much about his depression is because I have the same problem and it’s always something that’s coming back to me at times, even more than my anxiety... I sometimes use Cyrus as some kind of “vault character”.

Also glad you like my comics even though you had some stuff to criticize! Thanks a lot for the feedback! :)

[craftmanatee]

Dread X Collection 3 Games Review

Once again, my friend and I have played through a new Dread X collection and I would like to make a short concise review for each game including the Hub area. We each played 1 game resulting in 6 each. The order of games reviewed is not the recommended order to play as we went on a very simple roundabout on the graveyard, and the games have a strong sense of quality unlike Dread X Collection 2 which had many great quality games and many low quality games.

Lets go!

Game X: The Castle (A bit unremarkable)

Scare Type: Cute

Player: My friend

The castle in some way is a step back from the awesomeness of the house. As it proceeds with forced dialogue cutscenes with your character and a ghost character that possesses in you. The puzzles and areas are also larger and more spread out and easier than the house. The Dialogue cutscene itself even give the idea to not compare the two, which is understandable. But let me tell YOU that I enjoyed the house more than I did the Castle (Even if it was not I who was doing the Castle Bit), so even if they are different, one was in my opinion better than the other.

The forced Dialogue cutscenes weren't to bad. The Voice Acting was not bad. Its rather the script and subjecting the player to sit through it. Its not the most fun to sit through and could have been handled better. In the house, a dialogue still happened but you were still free to move around while listening to the pre-recorded message. The ghost possessing you could have done the same with you, but instead this YOU is a character that must go into a dialogue and stop your gameplay.

The STYLE of the castle is where I think it wins the best. The very cute spooky aesthetic is great, and hold a lot of details we noticed near the end of the game. Like the paintings being famous paintings, replacing the characters of the paintings to goofy ghosts. Time passing between each game is also a great detail, making the castle ever so slightly different all the way to night time. I love the castle for this.

We quickly figured out that the theme for this Dread X collection was not just Cute and spooky, but also the inevitability of death.

Nate Berens – SATO WONDERLAND (Ok)

Scare Type: Surprising!

Player: My Buddy

This game was alright, nothing too amazing as pulling different topics to make a new dialogue box appear was tedious and a bit annoying. But the story itself was pretty cool, resulting in a surprise ending. Each game have different endings which we did not try to explore, but for this I think we managed to get the best ending. Not much to say about this one.

Blood Machine – Soul Waste (Eh...)

Scare Type: ...None?

Player: Me

Soul Waste is a 3D action platformer about this... post apocalyptical world, and you happen to be the “Saviour”. We got Ending C for this as we felt the tedium of the collectables and we weren't going to sit around collecting them all in this weird to navigate map. The enemies did not make much of a challenge making the game bit boring. The end boss was the only thing that gave me some ounce of real fun. There was a lot to explore, but my patience wore thin due to not being that interesting of a platformer. Although it did look good for what it did. There is some to explore which we did not, but I simply noticed that there was some things here and there that we did miss. We just did not feel the need to go back.

Bryce Bucher – Disparity of the Dead (Great!)

Scare Type: Horror that sticks around even after the game.

Player: My pal

This game I think pulls off the themes of Dread X Collection 3 very, very well! Perhaps the best thematic one? Nevertheless, this is a 3D platformer that lets you talk to fun characters collecting collectables and piece together a mystery. The topics that which the game introduces to you are all very good and sad in many ways. It also had a lingering effect on me personally. This lingering horror reminded me of SOMA by Frictional Games. Anyways, the game in general is not horrifying until you get to a certain point. Then when the actual ending plays, it all gets sad. We do not know if there are different endings, but the ending we did get was a sad one in my opinion and was great.

Amon Twentysix – Bete Grise (Cool!)

Scare Type: Uneasy, then relief!

Player: Me

I really liked the aesthetics of this game, reminded me a lot of some obscure old-school games. The gameplay is mostly of you going floor to floor doing cleaning and... repairing? Anyways, there are a few hints here and there that foreshadow the great revelation at the end. I saw some of them and felt very uneasy when going through the process as it all felt like a facade. But once the revelation hit, the game turned into something more funny, stylish and well, just felt good. Its rare for a horror game to kinda blue ball you into satisfaction.

DIRIGO GAMES – REACTOR (Disappointing)

Scare Type: Betrayal

Player: My Homie

This is a game I spoiled myself with, which is why I had my friend play it instead. The game is mostly a walking simulator in which it feels like you shouldnt be there in the bad/useless way as there is a robot buddy who keeps you company and doing everything for you. When the time comes, you are then obviously, chased to the ending of the game. Its not scary, sad. Its just a simple experience. The aesthetics of the game is great, by being a gradient of blacks and whites as well as minimal uses of colour. Other than that, this is disappointing.

Moya Horror/Amos – Nice Screams at Funfair (humorously frustrating)

Scare Type: Dont fail

Player: Me

This is a very short game that was short enough for us to also explore a different ending. There is no real inherent horror here. Its mostly thematic to being like Halloween. The game has you serving icecream to people, the challenge is to serve them the ice cream that they want, and take the money into your tip jar or cash register. The real challenge is the controls, as throwing ice cream into the ice cream cones often fails for no reason, and clicking on to activate anything just sometimes did not work. Resulting in funny scenarious. We got 2 different endings for this, one that made sense, and another that we didnt understand. The game looked great, the intro did not have to be as long as it did but it was a fun little ride.

Basalt Tower – Matter OVER Mind (Woah!)

Scare Type: Loosing progress...

Player: My Amigo

Matter over mind absolutely felt like an old-school platformer, it was also unique, colourful and funny/cute! Crawling around as a little parasitical monster and possessing scientists in order to escape the labs just looked great. Like many of these games, it had a collectible that meant... NOTHING. And if you died collecting them, you will loose them all. Prompting you to reset the entire game. Nevertheless, it was an impressive game that felt great.

Corpsepile – Submission (Fuck yeah!)

Scare Type: Scary, but also funny

Player: Me

This game had so many unique and cool twists and ideas. Maybe one of the best games in this collection. It was absolutely creative, funny... everything! It was also scary at times, referencing P.T. Its puzzles were great and fun, so much good about this one! The gameplay switches often, the horror amps up... Man... Submission was super good! Cant really say much other than that.

Torple Dook – Chip’s Tips (Funny!)

Scare Type: Friendly?

Player: My guy

Super creative point and click adventure game, hamming it up to 101%. It is also so patronizingly friendly that it becomes funny. Probably the most unique game on this list. And you can pet the dog in this game. I absolutely love the aesthetics of the unhinged masked textures, as well characters being flat cutouts. What is sad is this game feels like the end to Torple Dook’s streak of being in Dread X Collection games as it references his previous 2 games as well as more.

Breogan Hackett – Bubbo: Adventure on Geralds Island (Woah! x2)

Scare Type: JUMP

Player: Me

A very well done 3D platformer, with some challenge. The game is not scary, although it does come to a point. The platforming was very good albeit a tiny bit weird when turning in a specific way. It also features hidden collectibles that we unfortunately did not find all and left it at that. It sounded and felt good, looked good and was fun to get to the end with. There are different endings, we (me) only got to see 1. I jumped at the right time and made my way out!

Modus Interactive – EDEN: Garden of the Faultless (Chaos?)

Scare type: None, just weird.

Player: My hombre

This is literally a game akin to raising your Chaos in Sonic Adventure games. Just that you raise your little Evangelion. This game I think, has the best Ps1 look than the other games. It has a very weird control scheme, as well as being weird in its own right. And it nails the aesthetics very well. Too bad the game is finicky or boring, sporting long paths and lots of waiting. I guess you could have some fun minmaxing your wittle angel. I guess you always need at least one super unorthodox entry in a collection.

Adam Pype & Viktor Kraus – SPOOKWARE @ The Video Store (Quintessential)

Scare Type: brief moments of panic

Player: Both of us

This game... is actually really fun. Spookware is literally Wario ware but with horror movie themed events. The style, game and everything is perfect. Although very short, I would honestly buy a game like this if it was fully complete. I also think this is the most fitting game for the theme of the collection. Although, not much is done about the “inevitability of death” theme here, but everything else about it carries the collection thematicly. Such a fun and quirky little game.

-------------

Conclusions

And so, the best games in the collection In my opinion were...

#1 Submission AND Spookware

#2 Chips Tips

#3 Disparity of the Dead

The collection was not at all as scary as the first or the second collection. Although, that is understandable as it had a more Fun and goofy vibe to it. I love seeing these collections and it introduces me to people ive never heard of before. Like Viktor Kraus who made the music, like in the trailer for the collection. Thats a great one. I wish to keep seing them make these and I hope that it is profitable for them in the end as well.

[mistymark]

the one with the annotations.

dong sicheng x reader // 3.7k words // masterlist // send requests here

summary; in which sicheng keeps writing in the books at the library and it should be obvious but that’s,,, not,,, allowed???

warnings: none its just fluff, theres some humour if u like,, squint

requested; yes :D - “Enemies to lovers 👀 with sicheng? Love your writing btw 💕” from anon

notes; based on this prompt: ”You’ve got to stop returning books full of corrections and spiteful comments in red pen bc I can’t stop reading them and my boss gives me disapproving glares when I laugh at the funny ones

ohhhhh boi

so while you were at uni you had a part time job at the library

because surprise surprise as a lit major you like books

shocker there

you always tried to work the late shifts, closing up and doing the returns

just because it was easy and relaxing organising and restacking the books

but soon you wished you took the earlier shifts

because of dong sicheng

not to be dramatic but

your long rival

he started coming to the library to borrow books

because that’s kind of the point of a library

but he ended up liking the environment for studying

and would stay there for hours just to study

and you’d admire his hardworking nature

if he left on time, that is

you would do the rounds ten minutes before closing

just to tell everyone like

‘hey, we’ll be closing in around ten minutes if you want to begin packing up’

but this bitch

would nEVER PACK UP ON TIME

you’d end up standing at his table with your bag and the keys in your hand

tapping on the wood to try and get his attention

and him slowly packing up afterwards

even tho he kNOWS you want to go home

‘you’re just as slow as you were in kindergarten hey?’

and he’d be so furious

‘you know you cheated’

‘I don’t remember any such thing’

and maybe you did maybe you didn’t

you were like four years old

as if you’d remember a race you won when you were that age

he just rolls his eyes and leaves as you lock the doors

you leave in the other direction

happily leaving him behind

but he stops by every Monday Tuesday and Thursday night to study

which are the days you work as well

he acts like it’s just part of his schedule 

but he worked out if he came in on Wednesday’s he didn’t have the opportunity to annoy you

and honestly?

annoying you at the end of your shift and after a long session of studying was the highlight of his night

but he keeps borrowing books

and you’re like

whatever

until he borrows this new book you’ve been wanting to read for ages

and you were low-key so bitter

this lil bitch has no way of knowing you wanted that book but somehow he does and that’s the only reason he’s borrowed it

even though,, he literally had no idea lmao

tbh u probably would have wanted to talk to him about the books he reads bc u have very similar taste

okay the same taste

but he’s such an asshole ur like nah fam

anyways he returns it after a week

boy reads fast ok

and when he goes to drop it in the returns box

you just take it from his hand and scan it under your name straight away

and put it under the desk so no one else can borrow it

and when there’s a lull in the work at the library

you reach under the table for the book and rifle through it

and you notice a few pencil marks

and upon further inspection you realise they’re comments referencing certain parts of the book

and you do nOT stand for vandalism

but some of them are fuckin hilarious not gonna lie

on the page you just happened to open

you can see there’s a comment beside a passage of text depicting a fight scene

‘this would kill someone wtf’

and u laugh and wonder who had done this

like the book had only been out for a little while

and u finish it in just less than a week

bc u read a lot during your shifts

probably a lot more than you should tbh

and seriously the comments made the book better

you hadn’t laughed so hard at random commentary so much

like the words were exactly what you were thinking

you couldnt help it

while ur putting some of the books back in the middle of your shift

!!!! you see another book that u might like !!! 

not to judge a book by its cover butttttttt

it looks like ur type oop-

and after flipping through it

to get an idea of font size and chapter length cause ur a whole nerd like that

u see it ALSO has pencil markings

in the borders and underlining sentences

and without even thinking u borrow it

just to read the funny comments again

and ur boss comes up to you during your shift and is like

‘have you seen someone’s been writing in the books? look at this’

and thrusts a book in ur face

and ur like ??????? okay chill I’ll look

and u read the writing she’s pointing at

the familiar loopy handwriting adorning the page

and it says ‘I hope she throws her drink in his face’

when u read the paragraph for context

u realise it’s a confession scene

a few lines down the mystery person has written ‘called it.’

and u can’t help but laugh

like come on that was funny

but ur boss doesn’t agree

she just asks you to find out who’s doing it so they can be suspended from the library

or charged with vandalism

or something

she wants vengeance

u roll ur eyes and go to one of the staff computers

scrolling through the lists of borrowers for that specific book

and it’s a fuckin library that book has been borrowed a loT

2031 times ???????????????

you almost fall of your chair tbh

then someone clears their throat in front of u

and u immediately apologise as u try and get the right tab up to process the borrower’s book

but once u look at the person in front of u

you wish you hadn’t been so nice

sicheng stands in front of you

a grin on his face as he hands you another book

smug bitch is so happy he startled u

‘looking at porn on the library computer, yn?’

u laugh

‘I’m not u in 8th grade’

he glares at you as he takes his book and goes back to his desk to continue studying

u were soooo hoping he’d leave

even tho u kinda enjoyed looking at him

like dude was hot okay

what were u supposed to do????

ur actual job????

please.

so he stays

and when it’s ten minutes til closing

u go and let everyone know

and u stop at sichengs table

and he’s writing out notes or something

idk it’s not like u care anyway lol

but he’s lowkey frustrated bc he keeps messing up this one goddamn formula

so he erases it

and that’s when u catch a glimpse of his handwriting

and bruh am I high or is that the exact same handwriting as in the books

I mean he has borrowed a few of the books

and he’s into that genre

not that you've checked out his borrowed list or anything

basically ur having this whole conversation with yourself in your head

bc ur cool like that

and he’s like ????? why this bitch standing over my shoulder and watching me write out this equation

until he’s like ‘what are u doing’

and ur like !!!!! oh hi !!! sorry I was busy listening to the voices in my head lmao xD

jk jk

‘have u been writing in the books’

and suddenly he’s super shy

and he has this massive grin

and he’s like ‘no’

bitch we know it was u stfu

u roll ur eyes and ur like ‘its not funny my boss wants you to be suspended’

he squints at you

‘how do you even know it was me’

and then:

‘DO YOU HAVE E V I D E N C E’

and u cross your arms

like a badass bitch

and ur like ‘I have plenty of evidence actually’

‘for one, youve borrowed all the books that have been found with writing’

‘and your handwriting matches’

subconsciously he covers his notebook with his arm to hide his handwriting

and he's like ‘why are u telling me this’

you're taken aback by the question tbh

like ?????? to be a good person ??????

idk u fuckwit just wanted to warn you

‘thought you'd want to know’

and he just turns back to his book

and you shrug and walk away like ok get suspended then see if I care

but u do :((

but as you walk away hes like

‘wait’

‘Im gonna be suspended??’

and u nod like ye that's what I just said but ok

‘like I cant borrow or I cant come in at all?’

u don't know tbh

‘both I think?’

and suddenly there's panic in his eyes

another person walks past u and thanks u

and u mindlessly tell them to have a good night as they leave

everyone has left

except sicheng of course

that beautiful son of a-

wait why did u say beautiful

‘what can I do to nOT get suspended??’

and u shrug bc idk dude not my problem

but then u think about it

‘I mean if u get rid of the evidence theres no way u can be suspended, right?’

and he seems so happy at the thought

‘would you help me? please?’

and ur sooooooo skeptical

‘depends. what do u want to me to do?’

‘I mean I need access to the books so’

‘yeah ill let u in and out’

‘I can't exactly just erase the markings when people could be watching’

and that's exactly how you end up sitting in the library with dong sicheng at 11pm at night rifling through books to find odd pencil markings to erase

it wasnt that hard

u just got his record up

*snorts* ‘you borrowed ‘how to talk to girls’ when we were thirteen’

and he just rolled his eyes and marched to the computer like ‘you can see my record I deserve to see yours’

and ur like NOOOOOO nononononono

but later

‘you've read all the light-fighter novels??’

he looks at you from where hes searching for one of the books on the list, an eyebrow raised

‘yeah why’

‘dude,, I loved those books’

and he smiles a little

‘thats where I started marking the books tbh, every time I read it id add a little cross in the corner of the cover bc I read it so often’

part of u is a little impressed

the other is annoyed at how similar your taste in books is

but the first part keeps asking why u hate him so much

other than the staying late and the snarky comments

which you actually find kinda funny-

anyways

once you've gathered up a few of the books

like at least ten each

you sit on the floor of the childrens section

beanbags sprawled out beneath you as u read through some of the books

most of them you've read before

and every time you giggle at something hes written his smile gets a little bigger

but of course youre looking at the book so you dont notice

and he keeps his head down

‘is it bad that im hungry’

you lift your head from the book to look at sicheng

hes not even reading anymore hes just lounging back on the beanbags

and maybe he'd been watching u read

watching as the smile on your face grew wider at his commentary

‘I didnt see you leave tonight. have u eaten?’

you furrow your brows in thought, trying to recall having seen him leave

‘you been watching me, y/n?’

‘have you been eating, sicheng?’

and there's something about the way you say his name that makes his heart jump

his voice is soft as he looks at you in the dark

‘no’

you focus back on the book in front of you

‘finish whatever book youre on and we’ll call it a night’

‘what, you wanna go eat?’ 

you cant tell if hes just surprised or if hes hopeful

or something else

‘no but I do want to sleep’

you laugh and he forces a laugh too

you dont notice the difference

when you've returned all the books

he meets you at the front door as you grab the book you'd been reading that shift

hes just standing by the door on his phone

and maybe its bc ur tired or maybe its just him

but u cant help thinking

Jesus Christ this boy is attractive

and okay maybe u had a crush on him a few years ago

but hey! you were eleven what could u do

the crush still lasted like two years tho lmao

but u shoulder your bag and open the door for him

making sure to lock it carefully

and he walks with you in the direction of your apartment

and ur like oh u live this way too?

and hes like nah

but what kind of boy would he be if he didnt accompany home

like christ y/n u could be h u r t out here at this time of night

but you just smile at him bc wow thats ??? actually ??? kinda sweet

‘who are u and what have u done with dong sicheng’

and there goes his heart again

he just nudges u with his elbow 

and u laugh at him and continue on ur way

when u get to ur building he thanks u for ur help in the most polite way possible

and u can kind of see that hes actually rlly nice ??? how ???

but hes back at the library the next day

and of course he comes up to the counter as soon as he spots you

sneaking around a few desks so u dont hear him come up behind you to whisper ‘BOO!’ in your ear

you jump like three feet in the air and spin around to tell him to get out from behind the desk

‘I dont see a nametag on u that means u have to be on THAT side of the desk thank u very much’

‘didnt realise your name tag said bitch on it geeeez y/n ://’

and u just fix him with a glare once hes finally on the right side

‘are u borrowing a book or not’

‘nuP’

he leans on the desk

his eyes staring straight into yours

‘just wanted to ask if u were able to stay back tonight’

you roll ur eyes

you'd barely gotten any sleep last night

but the look of concern on his face when he realises youre hesitating makes you nod

‘of course,, wouldnt want my least favourite person to get kicked out’

‘I always knew you had a soft spot for me’

you roll ur eyes aGAiN

‘go bother someone else’

‘oh is the hot librarian in?’

you push him away from the desk

but he doesnt miss the faint smile on ur lips

‘sicheng dont make me give you $100 in overdue book fees’

he sticks his hands up at the threat, his eyes wide

‘no. please. ill do anything’

when u raise an eyebrow at him, he just grabs the book you'd been reading (and not yet borrowed) and walks away

and he winks too

u have to stop your heart from beating out of its chest

and later

its 8pm and the library is officially closing

and for the past three hours you'd been walking to sicheng’s desk and subtly been trying to steal your book back

but every single time hes seen you coming

and pulled the book under the desk or into his lap

away from your grabbing hands

every. single. time.

you tap your foot impatiently at him when its time to continue ur undercover project

and he smiles down at his notebook when he hears u huff in annoyance at him

he dramatically looks up at you

‘do you need something?!’

‘do you want to get suspended?!’

he narrows his eyes at you but stands up anyway

he carefully puts his things in his bag and takes the list of books from your hands

a few of them are already crossed out as having been checked and erased

but theres still a lot to go

it takes you almost three weeks to finally get to the last day

and it had been the same thing every time;

sicheng took forever to pack up

you'd eventually find about ten books each

sit in the children’s section

laugh and chat about your lives while you went through the books

tease each other

and when you'd finished,

he'd walk you home

every single time

without fail

it became a habit that on the Tuesdays he'd stop by on his way to his morning class to drop coffee off for you

because he'd kept you up the night before

and it became easy to lose track of time with sicheng

he was just so engaging

there was no part of you that felt bored or uncomfortable with him

yeah he was annoying and infuriating

but his good book taste made up for it

and his annotations in the margins of the books too

‘is this the last of them?’

he squints down at the page again, counting the books on the table again

its the third time hes counted

‘surely ive read more than this’

‘not from this library ://’

you blow your hair out from your face and look down at the pile

‘you know, I think my manager is starting to get really suspicious of me’

‘why’ he looks up briefly from his book to read your face

but you try and remain calm

‘well she only told me about the markings right. and now theyre disappearing’

he looks at you like ?????

‘well she knows ive been closing up late... I think she thinks I did it’

he laughs ‘you? has she met you?’

you pout and throw a pillow at him

‘HEY! what's that supposed to mean :((’

‘it means ive never met someone who's so protective over books as you’

you think about it, chewing ur bottom lip

‘lets just finish this’

‘do u want to get food after’

he surprises you with the sudden question

and the slight nervousness thats evident on his face really makes you want to say yes

but you have a class tomorrow

and you always try and finish up here earlier on a Thursday night

‘cant :((’

he nods and goes back to readng

theres silence for a while

but you find it comfortable

sicheng on the other hand, feels as though hes just been shot down

like

you just turned down his date

you've kinda noticed hes more reserved now

quiet

but rlly hes just kind of embarrassed

until u say something that gives him hope

‘I,, uh, I dont have plans tomorrow night’

and ngl boy is stunned

‘just if u wanted to go see a movie or something idk’

now its ur turn to be embarrassed

u hope ur hair is hiding ur face as u look back down at the book in ur lap bc no doubt ur blushing

but sicheng is just staring at you

and

before even saying anything

he leans over the gap between you

with all the books

and hovers in front of your face

ur so shocked and ur heart is beating way too hard and fast and ur breathing is too quick to be normal are you having an attack I dont know-

and then he leans forward a little bit more

and his lips meet yours

and suddenly its like a fireworks display went off inside you

and then its almost midnight on a Thursday night and ur sitting in the children's section of your workplace in the beanbags with sicheng cupping ur face and kissing you

he just really needed to kiss you

like more than he needed air

and when u finally pull back

he loves how breathless you are

how you have to fight to keep the smile off your face

how you stare at him with wide eyes

‘so its a date then?’

you blush even redder

and nod

‘ye its a date :))’

but for the next fifteen minutes you sit in stunned silence together

small smiles playing on your faces

until u look at your watch and ur like

‘shit sicheng I have to go’

and his eyes widen bc holy crap u were supposed to leave like half an hour ago

so u both sprint around the library trying to put all the books back

and he meets you at the door again after you've grabbed the keys and made sure everything that needed to be locked was,,, u know,, locked

and when ur walkign to the door again

hes on his phone

u cant see but hes texting his friends about what happened lmao what a softie

and when u walk out together

without thinking he grabs your hand

and u walk home

hand in hand

after midnight

he clears his throat

‘so uh,, when actually is our date’

‘my last class ends at 5-’

‘so 5 it is’

‘are u sure??’

he nods happily

and he presses a gentle kiss to ur forehead when u get to ur doorstep

‘ill see u tomorrow’

but the next day

when u come out of your last class

a little giddy

a little too excited

and see him leaning against one of the stone pillars

effortlessly handsome

you feel your heart flip

and maybe ur just tired or maybe its him

but hes really attractive

like really really attractive

its actually just that youre in love with him

he doesnt see you coming

too focused on something on his phone

but he definitely sees you when you push his hand out to the side and step onto ur toes to kiss him

and u can feel him smile a little as he kisses you back

‘ready for that date?’

‘yeah, where are we going’

‘so I was thinking we could go to the libra- HEY! dont hit me I was j o k i n g y/n jesus christ’

[westcoastbroadway1443]

Welcome to Falsetto Notes

aka my thoughts on Falsettos as I actually finally listen to/watch the whole thing for the first time. I love what I’ve heard of of the show but, like with a lot of shows, I haven’t had the time to actually just sit and absorb the whole thing.  Probably nobody is gonna read this, but like what the hell, it’ll be fun to do.  So here I go..

"Four Jews in a Room Bitching" – I don’t know what’s happening but I’m loving the beards and the shimmying.  Also dig the set, I’m a sucker for a simple set.  

"A Tight-Knit Family" – Hearing a lot of bitching but not a lot of funny there, Marv

"Love is Blind" – It’s nice to see the couples set up right at the top here.  Mendel and Trina, Whizzer and Marvin, Jason and a chess board.  Also where I begin to fall in love with Mendel, love the way he says “alibi” and “I admit I admire you”.  Also Andrew’s face during “Hepatitis”, and having Marv and Whizzer just like low key making out in the background.  Good job y’all.  And praise to Stephanie J Block for having to rattle off super fast lyrics, my brain cannot.  I’m starting to realize William Finn doesn’t fuck around here.  

"Thrill of First Love" – The second song I ever heard from the musical because...well my two fav broadway guys are flirting, I looked it up.  I am so very very gay, and Andrew Rannells is so pretty he sometimes makes me forget I’m not into men.  This song somehow manages to make me feel “yipes, maybe you guys shouldn’t be together” and “marvin/whizzer 4eva” at the same time?  Their chemistry is pretty fantastic and this is a hard relationship to portray.  You see Trina so vulnerable in the last song and already feel bad for her and kind of hate Marvin and don’t know what the hell to feel about Whizzer.  

"Marvin at the Psychiatrist (A Three-Part Mini-Opera)" – See this is why family members shouldn’t see the same therapist unless it’s family therapy.  Also if I ever had a therapist do weird hypno-hands at me there’s like 70% chance I would not go back.  Part 3 is probably my fav.

"Everyone Tells Jason to See a Psychiatrist" –  Because of the bad quality of the video I can’t tell if Jason’s shirt is Saturn with a bunch of starts behind it or all of that plus a weird space wizard in the corner.  Kids in musicals tend to annoy me, but I like Jason.  He’s a little shit, but in a believable way.  I wish we got more of him and Whizzer’s relationship to know why he’d want to talk to him, I mean maybe we do and I just haven’t heard it.  And Whizzer’s nervous little wave to Trina is everything.

"This Had Better Come to a Stop" – Yes!  Drag him!  I would conservatively watch like 3 hours of just Trina and Whizzer drinking wine and shitting on Marvin.  Songs like this make think of the fact that this was one of Christian Borle’s dream roles and he’s doing great, but I’m curious what drew him to it, I mean I only know him from funnier roles.

"I'm Breaking Down" – Somebody give Trina a hug please, and give Stephanie awards.

"Jason's Therapy" – This role is pretty demanding for a kid since you have to be on stage constantly and I think he does a good job.  CONFIRM: There is a space wizard on that shirt.  I also wish therapy was as easy as somebody snapping you into a trance, doing air sax, and telling you to feel alright.   And Jason encourage Mendel is the cutest.

"A Marriage Proposal" – And I complete the process of falling in love with Mendel, and Brandon Uranowitz.  For real this song is adorable and will probably be stuck in my head for awhile.

"A Tight-Knit Family (Reprise)" - NOBODY ASKED YOU, MARVIN!

"Trina's Song" – Trina, darling, go chill with the act 2 lesbians.  Fuck these guys.

"March of the Falsettos" – ...ok

"Trina's Song" (Reprise) – Trina rockin a new outfit and new outlook.  Rock on, girl

"The Chess Game" – I’ve heard William Finn being praised by Broadway peeps I like and I can see why, I love the way this song is just this verbal dance that keeps building.  Also Whizzer’s face during the second chorus is perfect.  As much as yeah, Marvin ain’t exactly mr popular in any viewers mind right now, you do see how both their frustrations lead to this point.  

"Making a Home" – This is pretty and everyone in this song deserves good things

"The Games I Play" – I feel like Act 1 Whizzer is kind of hard to pinpoint as a character, what he’s feeling and what he wants, but this song was beautiful.  I feel like I only ever hear Andrew doing like those big belting songs but this quieter and lower one is just fantastic.  Have all the range, young man.

"Marvin Goes Crazy" or "Marvin Hits Trina" – Jason’s face through this song breaks my heart.  Mendel, kick that man out your house and change the locks.  But I also like that he just holds Trina and Jason, he’s focused on his fam.  And Trina’s reaction makes me feel like it had happened at least once before, and Whizzer’s face made me thing with him it had happened a LOT before.  

"I Never Wanted to Love You" – MARVIN, YOU LEFT!  You’re in demand?  Bitch, calm down

"Father to Son" – Jason things about boobies for the first time, and Marvin tries to say oopsie I love you after smacking his mom in the face.  Ok, but I do like this song.  And I do think this is Marvin trying to change and not be such trash.  You get some points for effort.

"Welcome to Falsettoland" – This song is weird and all over the place but I kinda love it.  And surprise lesbians!  Always welcome!!  

"The Year of the Child" – lol I grew up in a very Jewish neighborhood and this is just giving me middle school flashbacks. “The whole things voodoo and I know more than you do” - Mendel (my current fav).  Jason’s wee prayer dance, that is all. Also I think I want to befriend my new neighbors just so I can dance into their apartment announcing myself as “the lesbian from next door”.  

"Miracle of Judaism" – Hey bro, what happened to chess?

"The Baseball Game" – I had heard this song before and it made me cackle.  My poor parents watching me play soccer as a small.  And Mendel being the hardest cheerleader!  Also how often to Jason and Whizzer talk?  What do they talk about?  I want these answers.  And Marvin quit your flirting, you almost look cute.

"A Day in Falsettoland" – The first song I ever heard, cause Tony’s.  Love everything of this song.  No notes.  Y’all keep being great

"The Fight" / "Everyone Hates His Parents" – I love how over it Mendel gets.  His relationship with Jason is one of my fav things in this.  “I’m a psychiatrist!  Get lost!”

"What More Can I Say" – Who knew?  If you’re sweet and not controlling things are nicer in your relationships.

"Something Bad Is Happening/More Racquetball " – DAMN YOU ACT 2 CURSE!  WHY YOU ALWAYS GOTTA BE SAD!  And hey, Tracie Thoms in a musical that actually shows some of the fucked up that was the AIDS crisis?  First time for everything!  (Ok that’ll be my only knock on Rent)  And fuck you for reprising welcome to falsettoland, I wasn’t ready to get teary yet.  Whizzer’s little “I’m sorry”

"Holding to the Ground" – One of the things I like about this show is it doesn’t make anything easy and it lets its characters be real people.  Trina is in a fucked up position when it comes to Whizzer, but she still feels some concern and I like that there’s a whole song for how off everything still feels for her.

"Days Like This" – Songs this bittersweet shouldn’t be allowed to be this pleasant sounding. Everyone is just so kind in this song I don’t know what to do with it but I’m gonna keep staying in this sort of state of almost crying.

"Cancelling the Bar Mitzvah" – Ugh Trina and Mendel are trying so hard.  

"Unlikely Lovers" – And then Whizzer got better and they all moved in together to be fantastic gay housemates.  Yep.  That’s what happened.  Seriously how’d we get from Thrill of First Love to here?

"Another Miracle of Judaism" – God: the big psychiatrists in the sky

"Something Bad is Happening (Reprise)" - Look when I was mad at Marvin last act I didn’t actually want him to die..

"You Gotta Die Sometime" – Again not the kind of song I’ve heard Rannells do before and I love it.  I think that’s what messes with me about this musical, it stars two people I’ve mostly only seen do comedy and now they’re fucking with me and making me cry, it’s rude.

"Jason's Bar Mitzvah" – Oh fuck you Jason.  Not really, you’re a doll I just don’t like crying in my room alone at like 4 am.  Son of Trina, son of Marvin, son of Whizzer, son of Mendel.

"What Would I Do?" – I was ok until Whizzer started singing too.  Then I was less ok.

"Falsettoland (Reprise)" - Marvin finally falling apart was hard, and was he crying because he lost Whizzer or because he knows Jason is going to lose him soon too?  

I really enjoyed this, I’m glad I finally listened to/watched it all.  As somebody who used to really not enjoy musicals besides Phantom of the Opera in middle school, I always like finding more songs to love.  If for some reason you scanned through this and want me to force myself to do it again with another musical, toss a title at me.

[ladymusic600]

ET

My mom didn’t make a lot of money and my father left before i was born, I was already dealing with the shame of receiving free school lunches and the looks associated with that. Some of my school friends laughed and poked fun. They chuckled and I even joked about it with them. But for me, on the inside, it wasn’t funny at all. I know how tough it can be to use a soup spoon or button a shirt. I struggle with these seemingly easy, day-to-day tasks too. But I think it shows your true character to keep soldiering on and finding a way, day after day, to keep rising above the challenges. This is a nerve disorder causing uncontrollable shaking usually to the top half of the body. The tremors can make easy and everyday tasks so much more difficult. These tremors can make something as easy as feeding yourself, dressing yourself a challenge. A person with these tremors can have difficulty using a spoon or picking up a glass without spilling what is inside. This is something i have had sense birth. It truly does affect my entire body: my arms, hands, legs(which make me fall and trip), lips, stomach. It even affects my voice, which I find very stressful as it often sounds like I am about to cry when I am in a nervous situation- so phone calls would, naturally, be another source of anxiety for me as I was always worried the person on the other end of the phone would think I was upset. There are many factors that exasperate and intensify my tremor which include: anxiety, being hungry, being too tired, being too cold, being too hot, adrenaline, caffeine and the worst of all: being hungover. There is another huge point to cover here- alcohol completely gets rid of the tremor and when I say it completely gets rid of it, I mean it becomes non-existent, doctors say its ok to have a little but come on? wouldn't you drink like a fish out of water if it made you normal. Therefore throughout my teens I would often drink to self-medicate and relieve the stress that the tremor would put on me. Alcohol would also allow me to do everyday things that I couldn’t do with the tremor (for instance: walking down steps(i need to hold on someone or something), taking a drink, eating soup, writing, the list goes on and on.) I remember enjoying the feeling the alcohol gave me as it made me feel like a ‘normal’ person and I couldn’t believe that people were actually living their lives with this feeling of normality and I was extremely jealous of that. Imagine that, the one cure to your condition, is something that can actually kill you (or is extremely dangerous). But this was a really big problem for me and I was in denial for years that I had become dependent on drinking to calm my tremor and my anxiety. I had normalized using alcohol to self-medicate and kept it a secret for years. I decided to have a drink to calm myself down and stop my legs from shaking, when going out to meet new friends. Of course as one does when socializing this led to another drink and then another. The next morning and I realize my tremor is so bad that I can barely even stand up. So, I went through my options and decided the only real way I could even get out of bed was to have another drink… so I did. This cycle continued drinking, waking up with a hangover, not being able to stand/walk and then drinking again to be able to continue with daily life. The thing is my friends and family would have to carry me days after...So naturally i stopped drinking all together. People don't understand that one day you can be happy and notice its not as bad as you remember but then....there are those days where I have trouble holding things, i drop things on my feet, i fall over a ghost foot, needing help down stairs, i cut my hand, burn myself, can't dress myself, sound like im having a mental break down...i could go on and on how bad it gets....But Imagine waking up one day and trying to drink a cup of hot coffee without burning yourself. Just imagine when you have your good days and bad days, meaning good days being where you can do stuff without even remembering you have this shaking problem. To bad days literally where the moment you get up you know its going to be a long day of wanting to scream cry and throw everything in frustration because you can’t feed yourself or dress yourself, that you are kinda like a new born again, that you just want to go back to sleep and wake up the next day. But the next day might be the same or better you never know. And you know whats sad about this is im a small person and between 100-106 pounds and short and cops always stop me and ask for my id because they think im on drugs….i only met one cop and that day sadly was at night i was working on a children’s haunted train ride and we were both zombies. Not once did he every think that i was on drugs and it was like 60ish degrees out side and that was cold to me so i was shaking like crazy. I came to realize when i got home he just thought i was cold…then i got into my own head and started getting depressed. The thought of people feeling sorry for me, thinking of me as ‘helpless’, or weak was just awful heartbreaking and was one of the reasons why I kept it a secret for so long. I know if i every have a kid in the future that they will have this as well and that makes me cry thinking about them going through this as well. Im going put a innocent child in this world to get bullied like i did and not be able to do things on there own... Im still to scared to tell people about it, it's embarrassing. Eventually it will get worse which makes me sad but even then as far as neurological disorders go, it’s not as bad as it could be and for that I’m grateful. Like When im paying for stuff god i feel horrible because im shaking and nervous which makes it worse and im left feeling guilty and apologizing to everyone every time. Sometimes it makes me want to scream, fall to my knees and cry because i feel like im just slowing people down or they get embarrassed by me. I have difficulty cooking and have burned and cut myself multiple times, I can’t drive when my tremors are bad because Im scared…I’m at the point now where I avoid eating and drinking in public even if im out all day i still won’t. I’m socially awkward all the time even when im not shaking im just shy and weird haha. See The dating scene can be a bit tricky, especially with people who aren’t really used to seeing you, or anyone else, with tremors. I NEVER been on a date in my life and im kind of scared to go on one because i have to wear wrist and forearm weights. Essential Tremors is a progressive neurological condition that causes a shaking within the hands, head, voice or legs and in some cases an internal shaking is reported. Essential Tremors are most normally confused with Parkinson’s but is more common and while Parkinson’s lessens with more movement, ET worsens with movement, anxiety, stress and strain. Unlike Parkinson's, which is a degenerative disease that causes someone to lose brain cells, essential tremor is not a degenerative disorder. Usually, the tremor that's characteristic of essential tremor occurs while the person is performing a movement-oriented activity – such as eating, drinking, writing, typing or brushing teeth – or when the hand is in a still but outstretched position (called a postural tremor). The severity can range from a barely noticeable trembling that's exacerbated by stress, anxiety, fatigue, excess caffeine or certain stimulant asthma medications to a severe, disabling tremor that has a significant impact on your ability to perform daily activities. For people with severe tremor that doesn't respond to drugs, surgical therapies and other treatments are gaining traction. With deep brain stimulation, a probe is implanted in the thalamus, the part of the brain that causes tremors, and a wire runs from the probe to a pacemaker-like device implanted in the chest. "We use the pacemaker to jam the tremor signal inside the brain," "If the tremor gets worse, we can dial up the stimulation." Hearing that scares me, because you can't be asleep when you have this surgery, you have to be awake so they know they have it in the right place. Recent epidemiological studies indicate that individuals with ET are at slightly increased risk of developing dementia (particularly Alzheimer’s disease) compared to their age-matched counterparts without ET. Similar studies also show that persons with ET have a more than four-times increased risk of developing Parkinson’s disease. The mechanisms for these associations are currently under study. so….would you date me knowing possibly by the time im 40-50ish that i might need help with almost everything i do? would you date me knowing i could possibly give ET to our kid? would you date me knowing there are times where i scream bloody murder because i can’t handle the shaking?  would you date me knowing that there will be times where i zone out and get depressed because i either know my out come or because i im scared of it? i want someone who loves me and not because of sympathy…

[deadrosencrantz]

scottish identity n all that

my idiot brain is like "shut up and stop talking about this because it doesn't matter and nobody cares" but actually, this is my blog, and it only makes sense to write about my thoughts here, so that's what i'm going to do! let's see if i can still force a read more to work on mobile (edit: PROBABLY NOT!)

i'm so happy i grew up in the central belt. i have unlimited affection for the place of my childhood, with all its funny little ubiquitous experiences, and i honestly wouldn't trade it for being anywhere else. (note: i'm from livingston, west lothian, and yeah, some people think it's not a great place. they're right that there's nothing to do and some bits are dodgy, but livi is good—i'd talk about why but that's another post) growing up here is an inextricable part of me, but when you're a kid and everyone you spend time with is also a kid, nobody knows anything, so things can be complicated.

my mum's from the highlands—inverness, specifically, but she moved to wick for high school, much to her frustration. my dad is from a posh st. andrew's family (and then became a coal miner? for some reason? and we're middle class as hell cmon dad what happened). my dad's family also goes back to the highlands and you don't have to look far at all. his parents died before i was born, but my great-auntie (grandmother's sister) lives in ross, and she's a real lovely highland lady who i don't visit nearly often enough. (another aside: she's well into her nineties and is managing my transness much better than i could ever have hoped for. i love you auntie patsy 💕)

so yeah. all my family is from the north. as long as i can remembered, going to the highlands is synonymous with seeing my relatives. the highlands is a big part of me. and. highland accents are actually very different.

children from the lowlands, at least when i was at primary school in the 2000s, hear "highlands" as "MORE scottish." and because "scottish" to them is what they know, they just sort of assume the highlands is...turbo-lowlands? it's crazy. even adults here sometimes will expect highlanders to be talking in broad scots? well, a quick lesson: scots, while beautiful, is kind of a lowlands thing. further north, there's more gaelic influence. (a third side-point: as we all know, there are specific dialects in specific areas all over scotland, but this works as a generalisation.) accents from inverness or caithness or ross or the islands can be very foreign to kids from the central belt. highlanders aren't like scots-speaking lowlanders, they have kind of...idk how to phrase it, but i guess to me, northern accents sound softer, a little lilting? just generally speaking.

because it's not the scots they know, to a lot of lowlands kids hear some highland accents as...english. you may see where i'm going with this now.

i won't claim i sounded entirely like a highlander as a kid. i had a weird, semi-generalised accent, for a few reasons but probably partially because my mum is in politics and spends time with english and all sorts of folks? but i didn't sound ENGLISH. i had this kind of mild inverness quality to my voice. other kids called me english (something that didn't help is that i was technically born in england, because my dad's job took my parents there for a few years. they hated it and moved back to scotland before i was a year old. a kitten born in a kennel is still a cat, guys!)

so obviously this kind of sentiment shouldn't be something kids are mean to each other about, because ok it's fun to laugh at the english but it doesn't actually matter, just being from a place, but actually my point is just about the misconceptions about the highlands, and personal identity feelings, so i'm not gonna fall about this at length but yes yes bullying is wrong ok now that's out of the way

someone: you sound english

me: i'm not english! my family is from the highlands. i have a bit of that accent.

someone: no you don't! they have really strong accents in the highlands!

it didn't matter if the other kid had never been from the highlands. a lot of the time, they'd be sure their assumptions were correct, because i guess it just seemed like common sense to them? borders=less scottish (than us), highlands=more scottish (than us). little kids don't understand scottish comes in different forms because they haven't seen it.

lots of kids weren't exactly mean about me being different, but there was a wee feeling of exclusion. like there was an "us" that didn't include me. even though we lived in the same place and always had, and their assumptions about where i was REALLY FROM were nowhere near correct anyway. this actually did some sad stuff to my identity. in scotland, being scottish is important to other people liking you, and also i do feel very really scottish and connected to both the highlands and the lowlands and having that part of me disbelieved and labels like half-english forced onto me, sometimes even by teachers, made me feel very less-than-sufficient and almost fake. to this day i actually feel kinda hurt if folk joke about me being english, because i'm not, like its not an inherently bad thing to be from england but i'm NOT and some people never believed that.

idk. i know of course that it's worse for immigrant kids and all that, with people misrepresenting them and excluding them. i'm not saying my thing is anywhere near that level, but it was still important enough to affect me a lot, growing up. being disconnected from the culture of the nation that i grew up in, that is also the nation of my family, for reasons that were actually just factually false at their core as well as mean? feels bad, man.

the moral of the story is that even your own country is maybe more diverse than you know in huge ways, and also that the highlands is very different and being from up north does kind of actually mean something? i don't really have a point with this post, just that it's a. Thing.

[lunamanar]

Another random question: Do you think Rinoa and Cloud would get along?

(OR: In which I write a three-page disclaimer and spend half as much time actually answering the question.)

So this question caught me by surprise, and I had to take some time to think about it. Because a lot of SquarEnix main protags get pegged as being same-y, not just facially but in their general dispositions, and “The Weather Team” of 7-8-13 fame in particular is often held up as a prime example of this. Quiet, surface-level misanthropy covering up a mountain of sensitivities is admittedly a tired teenage/early 20s trope, and especially when it comes to Cloud and Squall, I think it’s easy to paint their personalities in broad strokes, and assume they’re basically all the same person with just enough details altered to pretend they’re different. 

But I really don’t think that’s a fair assessment, and in order to answer a question like this I felt I had to really get into why it’s not. So, sorry for the delay in answering, because I had to take some time to organize my thoughts about it. 

OK, so, story/ramble time: 

Part of my need for that time is that, while I really like FFVII, it’s far from my favorite Final Fantasy. FFV and FFVI vie for the number 2 slot, FFXIII and XIII-2 as a unit occupy number 4, and FF Type-0 number 5…FFVII is a somewhat distant 6 or 7, depending on my mood switching out with FFX. I think that when I take FFVII on its own terms, I like it better than most other FFs, but all the additions–Crisis Core, Before Crisis, Advent Children, Dirge of Cerberus, even Kingdom Hearts if you count that–have kind of muddied my appreciation for the original. So VII and its characters, as a whole, are a very complicated box of other self-contained boxes that my brain interprets differently depending on whether I take them as their own standalone set of stuff or consider them as part of a larger whole. 

I admit to a bit of pearl-clutching in this regard; when FFVII came out, I was dazzled by it. I loved the post-apocalyptic vibe of Midgar, and the empty, lonely feeling of the low-poly overworld. I think my enjoyment of that world was actually helped by the sheer lack of knowledge I had about it. At the time I first played it, I knew nothing about its conception or what had been lost in translation. I knew nothing about the Japanese fandom, the huge shifts that were happening within then-Squaresoft as a company, or the reject-characters (Edea, Fujin, Raijin, and Irvine) who would one day star in FFVIII and what their role would have originally been in FFVII (Edea had something to do with JENOVA, Fujin and Raijin were going to be Turks, and Irvine was replaced by Vincent). I had no idea that literally half of FFVII’s story was missing from the game itself, and that half again that amount would later be added and ret-conned into the original. 

And frankly, when all that started to happen…I didn’t like it. I lost interest for quite a while. By that time, I already had FFVIII, and I didn’t really care to sink time and money into a game world whose story, and that of its characters, had already been told as far as I was concerned. I didn’t actually revisit VII at all until circa 2013, when a friend of mine convinced me to start writing FFVIII fiction again. She was a big Crisis Core fan who loved Genesis, and she really pulled me back into VII as an entity just because of her enthusiasm about it. 

So it’s kinda funny because I really only started exploring FFVII’s “extended universe” with any real vigor at the same time I was re-immersing myself in FFVIII’s comparatively cohesive lore (which is an…odd, way to describe FFVIII, to say the least, but by comparison, it’s true). 

All of this is to illustrate that, simply, I am not the most qualified analyst of FFVII-anything, including Cloud, his personally, who he is and how he acts. There are many more intelligent people who have spent far more time and effort picking apart his character, who know more about him than I do and can render a more complete picture of his motivations and likely reactions and interactions with various personalities. My Final Fantasy “home” is FFVIII, and that is the only game (with the possible exception of FFV) that I feel comfortable enough in my knowledge to form complete and detailed opinions about re: any given character. It’s much more likely that my understanding of characters outside of that universe, especially a character with as much backstory as Cloud Strife, is going to be missing a lot of potentially pertinent details and considerations that I would ideally have at my disposal, and I think it’s important to acknowledge that before I answer, if only because there are so many fans out there who feel very passionately about FFVII and everything to do with it. So, I am in no uncertain terms saying it: I am not a Cloud Strife expert and I may at some point make an assumption about him in this answer that is contradicted entirely by canon evidence that happened to escape me at the time of writing. 

I’m basically winging it. I’m going off my personal impressions of his character, some of which are 20 years old at this point, plus a little bit of fact-checking I did before posting this. So to my knowledge, no individual facts I’m referencing here are incorrect, but it’s possible some of the conclusions I draw may be inaccurate because I missed some information somewhere due to not being 100% invested in the vast, complex and in some cases contradictory plot that is FFVII. For that I apologize ahead of time. 

(This is, actually, the single reason why I have never written any kind of crossover fiction. To do so and feel good about it, I’d have to be equally invested in each and every universe involved. The three games I feel comfortable enough with in my knowledge to actually write for are FFVIII, Secret of Mana, and the R-TYPE series. Uh. Those aren’t exactly the best candidates for overlapping themes/universes, so…)

*breathes*ANYWAY. Okay so I’m going to actually answer your question. And it’s going to be short by comparison. Sorry about that. 

The way I understand Cloud, and the reason I felt the need to preface this with all that mess, is that the answer is “yes, sort of, eventually.” But with caveats. 

Rinoa is the sort of person to wear her heart on her sleeve, unashamedly. And she actively advocates just that: that emotions are part of who a person is and not something to feel shame over, and expressing them is as much an act of integrity as it is courageous (that’s why, assuming you make certain dialogue choices, she may accuse Squall of being ‘dishonest’ at certain points). I think, assuming Cloud treated her with his oft-wordless, minimalist’s-guide-to-introvert-socialization front right off the bat, she would initially find him to be frustrating and–where Squall emoted at least enough to indicate he had an emotional reaction that contradicted his attitude–Cloud’s more practiced cynicism and “why speak if you can just stare or shrug” philosophy would be a lot less cute to Rinoa. Where Squall deflects with whatevers and various degrees of you’re-doing-it-wrong, which at least indicate discomfort and a degree of genuine interest, Cloud’s unmitigated I-don’t-cares and when-do-I-get-paids would be likely to come off as genuinely dismissive, rather than defensive. This would make her less curious, and in turn less tolerant of Cloud’s apparent misanthropy. 

(Though I start with these comparisons for the sake of illustrating Rinoa’s way of filtering information, I don’t think her impression of Cloud is a question of comparing him to Squall; this would all hold true whether she knew Squall already or not.)

So I think, at first, Rinoa wouldn’t really like Cloud that much, and at least for a while, he wouldn’t give her a lot of reasons to think she was wrong about her first impressions of him as arrogant, cynical and maybe even a little greedy. Basically she’d echo a lot of what Barret had to say about him, but with a lot less swearing. 

And I think, actually, Barret is a good comparison, because it would take about as long for Rinoa to think much differently of Cloud. Not to wander too far into the land of the hypothetical, but a few dizzy spells and flashbacks in, she’d probably clue in that something wasn’t quite as it seemed with him. The more opportunities Cloud has to abandon the group, and doesn’t, the more she’d begin to suspect, and she wouldn’t be quiet about those suspicions; either Cloud has an ulterior motive, or he’s not as callous as he seems. Either possibility is exactly the sort of thing Rinoa would pick at until it bled, for good or ill. 

Without knowing more about the scenario (if there is one), I can’t really say how Rinoa, as I know her, would ultimately stand with Cloud--as a friend, an enemy, or somewhere in between--but I think the more she knows about him, the more she would think he’s actually a pretty okay person with a ton of problems oh my goodness, even if it really seemed at first like he was just an immature jerk. The fog of war is especially thick with Cloud (appropriately, no?), but given time, I think Rinoa would find her way through it. Perhaps, however, not without doing some damage, in the process. 

[shintorikhazumi]

Twelve Days of Christmas Project: Day 1

Twelve Days of Christmas Project: Day 1

“So I may have used poison instead of sugar.” for Akko and Sucy?

-Request by Liz! @lizanime3 I hope you like it even just a little bit ;-; Pleaseeee…

A/N: Hola Minna-san! Yes, I’m alive... and yet not. Ok, so I was supposed to start this on the 13th so I could have 12 days until the 25th… but… I’ve actually been really sick for nearly two weeks and I don’t think I’ll be getting better anytime soon. :(

But well, since I finally have enough strength to actually walk around (FINALLY, I’ve been kinda bedridden- and my head isn’t being a little jerk for once), I can work on this, YAY! I’m COMPLETELY out of practice. I‘m sorry if it will su-… be a bit bad. Maybe a bit OOC?

Enjoy?

~Shintori Khazumi

----------------------------------------

Gingerbread.

Akko loved gingerbread.

She loved it so much, the desert being a close second only to her precious umeboshi, and that was certainly something considering how much she adored the sour treats.

She loved the refreshing, minty (?) scent of the ginger, she loved how multiple shapes and structures could be constructed by such deliciously edible cookies… bread… cookie-bread. (Akko scratched her head, still trying to unlock the secrets to that one.)

Akko could easily and quite vividly reminisce on her memories, triggered by the gingerbread: A cozy fire back in japan, a log cabin that was a Christmas vacation house for her family, sitting on her papa’s lap as her mother sang her carols and gave her hot chocolate with marshmallows floating in her cup, nearly spilling out- Yes she loved that too, by the way.

Usually, she would relive these memories each Christmas with her family, a small corner of her childhood always tucked away in her heart and opened up during the Merry holidays; quite like a Christmas tree and its décor being stored away and set up each year. It was one tradition she would never replace with anything, and it was just that special considering Akko wasn’t known for being a traditional maiden at all.

… but well…

Who’s to say tradition can’t be broken? (Obviously not Akko, being the number one tradition breaker, citing incidents is of no need.)

And here sat Akko, well, lay Akko, on her bedroom floor, beside their desks that had cookies situated on top amongst all the messy clumps of paper and books; brown and red all over her body in an abstract mix of colors, which was putting it nicely. Putting it bluntly-

“You look like someone dumped buckets of brown and red paint all over you after tripping.” Sucy snidely remarked, stifling a laugh as she simply watched her girlfriend writhe in who-knows-what kind of pain.

The pair were alone in their room as Lotte had gone out to bond with Barbara over the special Christmas edition release of Nightfall, Hannah tagging along. The rest of the gang were doing whatever and the couple decided to spend some… “quality time” together and let their affections grow.

“Gee, thanks.” Akko barked through gritted teeth, not exactly feeling those said affections at the moment. “And whose fault do you think it is that I’m like this?!” She growled, her pearly whites digging into the skin of her lip, drawing a bit of blood.

“Yours?” Sucy replied with extreme nonchalance.

“YOURS!” Akko groaned feeling another bubble in her stomach pop. “What the hell is this?!”

“I honestly don’t know.” Sucy shrugged, kneeling down beside her fallen roommate and wiping the sweat off her brow. “If I knew which potion I knocked in by accident, you wouldn’t be in that kind of pain as I would have already known how to cure you.”

“Ugh!” Akko could feel the tears coming, and despite being quite confident in her bravery and astounding pain tolerance, it wasn’t really something she could be proud of as it didn’t help to quell the pain in her abdomen.

“So I may have used poison instead of sugar.” Sucy said not guilty at all, having baked the favorite treats of her lover as a christmas gift ( Lotte’s Suggestion) . Though she wasn’t sure if Akko’s feelings towards the pastry would remain the same after this traumatic experience.

“YOU WHAT?!”

“Okay, okay, I’ll help you now.” Sucy grinned, assisting Akko in sitting up against the bed as she was instructed to breathe in and out slowly.

“You mean you weren’t?!”

“I am now.” Sucy chuckled and Akko would have hit her if it were possible. “Now, to know what substance is in you right now, I need to ask a few questions.” Sucy explained, opening her potion and poison manual.

“Oh, please do.”

“Would you rather I not?”

“PLEASE.”

“You sounded pretty sarcastic-“

“Sucy.” Akko got out without shouting, a hand that was previously on her stomach, uselessly trying to assuage the pain, gripped Sucy’s pale one and it was then that the girl realized Akko was as pale as her and not at all alright.

“So even someone like you can’t take this kind of poison, huh?” Sucy’s tone had worry laced in it now, squeezing Akko’s hand back. “I’m sorry.” Her eyes turned downcast now, heart suddenly revving its engine and beating strongly as she realized just how much Akko was in danger. “I’m sor-“

“You can apologize after I’m better, jerk.” A playful Akko grinned through her hurting. “That’s not exactly important and I should be used to your horrible methods of tortu- teasing.” She grinned, shakily bringing their linked hands to her cold lips, kissing the back of Sucy’s hand. “I’ll seriously hold you to it.”

With a nod, the mushroom enthusiast went on with her inquiry. “How do you feel? What are your symptoms?” This was more than just one of her experiments on Akko to learn about potions. She usually checked any before giving them to the brunette anyway after deeming them “safe enough” for Akko’s personal intake.

“I feel like there are a ton of giant metal… bubbles, growing and popping against my stomach walls, and I kinda wanna let it out, but I can’t?” Akko tried to draw out her feelings in words as much as she could.

“Maybe you’re just constipated?” Sucy suddenly found herself able to joke again after Akko’s reassurance.

“HA.HA. Real funny.”

“Thanks, I hear mushrooms help people have dry humor.” Sucy replied, not batting an eyelash, hand now pressing down on Akko’s belly while looking through her archives.

“Because they become more delusional and wack?” Akko threw back, preferring this type of distraction from the pain, even if it meant bantering with her girlfriend.

“Say that again and you won’t be having any cuddles or affection.” Sucy threatened half-heartedly.

“Like you give them easily at all!” Akko retorted, now full-on smiling.

“Anything else?” Sucy gave in for once, and Akko was pleasantly shocked.

“Is this because I’m in bad condition?” Akko asked curiously.

“What?” Sucy looked at her incredulously, the sudden question catching her off guard and puzzling her at the suddenness of it all.

“You let me win our little thing just now?”

“Little thing?” Sucy parroted, eyes not leaving her list as she dutifully searched still.

“Our… usual… arguments..?” It felt weird calling it that as Akko felt it was anything but that. “Banter?”

“Ah.” Sucy said in realization. Quieting for a moment and that left Akko to wonder if she had done it subconsciously. “Don’t expect it to happen too often.” She whispered. Akko quirked a brow, a smirk playing across her once-in-pain features.

“Ohohoho… maybe I should be in pain more often then?”

“Scratch that,” Sucy cut off, a deadpanned glare directed at Akko. “Don’t expect it to happen again at all.”

“Why not? I could get what I want for once~” Akko sang, finding a weakness of Sucy, finally, that she could use against her.

“Well, If you’re that willing… be my guest.”

Suddenly Akko felt a chill run up her spine as Sucy gave her a once-over.

“I have no qualms with that, we can have it arranged.”

Akko’s grin dropped as she quieted down, terrified of whatever possibilities hid behind that expression of her girlfriend. “On second thought, let’s not.” She backed out rather quickly and silence resumed between the two roommates once more.

After a few minutes, Akko’s sweat accumulating on her brow once more from the pain, she heard a frustrated sigh come from her companion.

“Sucy?” She called.

“Why can’t I find it?! Nothing seems to match the description.” She scratched her head, messing up her usual smooth hairdo. “How can I help you? I don’t even know what’s wrong- and I… I thought…”

“Shh…” Akko pulled Sucy into a weak side hug. “You’re trying. I know you are. It’s not like we can’t take our time. I’m… I’m a strong girl!” Akko said in a silly voice, and as she gazed into Sucy’s eyes, the girl in a rare giggling fit, Akko was reminded of how much Sucy loved her, enough to have a few tears sitting at the corners of her eyes.

Smiling at that, feeling an overwhelming pleasant warmth, Akko leaned forward, planting a kiss on Sucy’s forehead.

“I know you can do it.”

Sucy simply nodded, once gain baffled by her girlfriend’s believing heart and amazing encouragement skills. “I’ll do it. Just you watch me.”

Despite saying that, no results were gleaned and Akko was now on the brink of passing out from the pain that wasn’t going away at all. Sucy looked like she was about to rip her hair out.

“H-hey, Sucy? Maybe we should ask a professor-?”

“Just a bit more Akko.” Sucy replied stubbornly. “Just a bit mo-“

The door swung open and in hopped a float-y and grinning Lotte, bags and bags of merchandise hanging on her arms. She noticed after a bit the state of her room, and her roommates and cocked her head in worried confusion.

“What is…?”

“Accidentally put poison instead of sugar, I think.” Sucy explained briefly and Lotte just continued to stare, unnerving Akko and Sucy.

“And?”

“I can’t seem to find which poison.” Sucy rolled her eyes.

“If you said you mistook it for sugar, can’t you just… I don’t know…” Lotte spoke, placing her things away and sitting with her best friends as she stated in a matter-a-fact way. “Look for a poison that looks like sugar?”

…

A loud slap was heard in the room and Sucy’s forehead was as red as the random parts of Akko’s body.

“Ugh!” The couple groaned.

“Oh, you’re really starting to become more and more like a couple in unity.” Lotte clapped as Sucy finally found the poison and made the cure.

------------------------

As they lay in bed, Sucy sleeping over on Akko’s, as it had become a… tradition of sorts for them to sleep together, sleeping on one’s bed on certain days and such, the Filipina couldn’t help but ask.

“Still love Gingerbread?” She asked teasingly. “If you do, you’re some masochist… or maybe immune to trauma.” Sucy jested, she knew Akko was anything but that, but what’s a little fun after a problematic day?

Akko shifted from her position, lying beside Sucy and faced her with her own grin. “Do I still love you after all that?” She shot back and Sucy couldn’t help but blush, obviously knowing the answer. Akko nodded, the red glow on Sucy’s face visible even in the dim lighting. “I guess we both know the answer then.” Akko laughed as she turned back to her original position.

There was a shift beside her and her droopy eyes opened wide as Sucy lay atop her, placing a small kiss on her lips before hiding in Akko’s chest.

“I love you too… idiot.

“I love you too Jerk.”

 Merry Christmas LIZ!

A/N: Soooo? How was it? SO SO SO SO? I hven’t written in a while so I barely… know my abilities… ;-; I hoped y’all enjoyed? So anyone else wanna send a prompt can.. do it since well... yeah. I hope to post 12 of these. Soon. I only got 2-3 tho. hahhha... Thank you for reading still from this lousy author. Thank you!

~Shintori Khazumi!

[briteboy]

LITERALLY SO MANY QUESTIONS AND THIS IS ONLY HALF OF THEM 

lmao RIP me (now u know why i take so long to answer)

do you know the game what remains of edith finch? its really fantastic, I just finished the part with lewis, his whole situation with reality reminded me of santi. just wanted to tell you :)

surprisingly no i haven’t ever heard of it! :O but now i’m intrigued, i googled it and i’m reading up on it hehe thank you for telling me, u learn something new every day :~}

Hello femmesim! I'm a new simblr & I see you get a lot of notes on your great story! I guess this probably means you have a lot of followers too. I was wondering if you follow them all back. If not do you check out your followers & how do you decide which ones to follow back? What don't you like. What would make you unfollow them? Oops that was a lot lol!

iiiiiiiii honestly haven’t even looked at my actual followers page in a loooooong time, even on my personal blog i was never good with that lol. i just can’t keep up with everyone and i don’t want to feel obligated to follow everyone back because that would be way too many posts on my dashboard all the time y’know. it sounds mean but...ajksdgdsf i WISH i could follow everyone back but itsjustnotrealistic

tbh i follow people back when they reach out to me, make an effort to engage with me, send me messages, reply, or just frequently interact with my posts because it gets my attention and shows their personality. i don’t mean that as in like...”you can’t be my friend unless you give me notes” (LMFAO NO) i mean it as in like i’m fcking oblivious and it’s too much work for me to go out of my way and check out every single blog that follows me :{ but i love messaging and communicating through replies so even if you’re nervous pleeeease step out of your comfort zone, i promise i’m like a pretty good OK human being and i try to make funny jokes so talking to me isn’t that bad i promise.

as for your other questions...tbh i dunno, i like blogs that interest me. (duh...lmao what kind of answer even is that) i usually go for people that show their personalities in their posts (go figure), like memes (lmfao), have an intriguing aesthetic, HONESTLY IDK...i follow a lot of diverse blogs tbh, not just ones that are similar to mine. i only unfollow ppl if i have no memory of following them and their content doesn’t interest me, if they say/do something that irks or angers me (that’s only happened like twice tho), or if they post like EXCESSIVE nsfw...i didn’t sign up for that lmao

i hope i don’t sound like an asshole for all this but it’s just like...i can’t deny i get a lot of attention on here. and i never expected it so i’m pretty unprepared for it lmao. i try my best tho :{ just reach out to me and we’ll probably be frands ok

so many feelings

I just wanted to say how much I love your blog but to the Anon who said how she looks white if she's Hispanic. Not all hispanics are brown haired and tan. I'm Puerto Rican and I'm blonde and have blue eyes. Hispanics come in different tones and what nots :)

hell0 thank you <3 yeah hispanic people are very diverse, especially with varying nationalities, and especially with puerto ricans. i personally know a lot of puerto ricans who are white passing so it’s really not that uncommon. everyone’s different, and as eir said, white passing POC are still POC!

papa ya - sunny ; thats your song boo lol

OOH i actually like this...i’m boppin my head rn lmao thank u

So basically the last anon is saying hispanics can't be 'white'? I know many 'white' hispanics???

i don’t wanna twist their words, i think they just meant molly looks ethnically white and i understand that, i’m not denying she’s white passing but tbh...idk, if she wasn’t my own sim i’d look at her and kinda know she’s not 100% white y’know. she has features that don’t look european. plus the fact that i’ve posted her speaking spanish before soooo. anyway yeah it’s very possible for a hispanic person to literally have white skin but that doesn’t mean they’re ethnically white

well if she has family from spain it's normal for them to have blonde hair and green eyes, so i mean that could make sense.

she could, who’s to say lol. it’s rly not that deep tho, she’s half white, half puerto rican, das it. but yeaah there is a wide array of genetic possibilities for every race! who’da thunk it

Hey, I'm a new reader, is it possible you could link some earlier parts to your story. You don't have to if it's problem though I know how tumblr be. I love the visuals style of your sims. That's what caught my eye. I also was wondering what editing program would you suggest. I kinda want to test out editing my sims.

heyo i summed up the story here and here and there’s a lot of posts of key events linked in there! thank you though, that’s so kind ;-; <3 wellll the only editing program i use is photoshop cs6 so i’d recommend that haha. you can find it for free pretty easily, but if you’re not into that, there are plenty of other programs you can use. i know a lot of ppl on here use gimp. 

hi! I need advice and idk where to get it from but you seem like a really good person who has some wisdom lol! so basically i'm in a big financial situation. I had a good paying job but it made me have anxiety and panic attack because i hated it so much. and i quit my job before i had another job lined up. So my bank account is very close to being completely empty and i have bills and i have to move soon. I NEED ADVICE OR SOMEONE TO TELL ME ITS GOING TO BE OK.

omg first of all i’m so touched that you even came to me with this wtf ;___; ily

second of all it IS going to be ok, you shouldn’t force yourself to do something you hate if it’s really impeding on your mental health that much. it’s not good for you in the long run, even if it pays well. like, at what cost do you want to sell yourself in order to make money? my point is you made a good decision but lacked the foresight, which luckily is something that can be remedied easily. (well...hopefully, but job hunting is never easy :\ ) if you’re still in this situation by the time your bills and everything catch up to you, you can always seek help from family and friends or look into loans...find someone (or multiple people) who will stick by you and support you through this, because this is something way too hard to do alone. (if you don’t have anyone, i’m here for you ;-; ) i honestly don’t have any good advice for finding another job because tbh that’s something i always flounder in, and i’m gonna have to do the same thing by the time i finish up school in the next month AHHHHH

i’m prayin 4 both of us, but you especially <3

Hi!!! sorry i remember seeing an ask about Lou's eyelashes but i cannot find it :((( could you please tell me where can i find it???

hey she just uses the kijiko ones! sometimes if it’s a closeup i use these eyelash brushes tho

hi! sorry, this is a weird question but i thought you could help maybe.... i recently started playing ts4 again, but when i am in cas, there is a weird shine on all cc hairs.... do you have a solution for this? thank you in advance!

hmmmmm i kinda get a weird shiny glitch too but it’s only with certain things, and it’s usually remedied by clicking on the sim’s different outfit categories until it goes away lol. but if it’s on ALL of the hairs...hmm...i’m assuming you’re talking about alpha? because i don’t think clay hairs usually have that problem. check if laptop mode is on, if it is, turn it off!! that’s the only solution i can think of :{

i feel like too many people are reading too deeply into things. either way i love your work and just read the entire thing in a day and i love you so much idek.

i think this was sent when i was getting messages about my dialogue haha. i mean i definitely understand their points in saying it has too many realistic vocal quirks, but tbh that’s what i like about it, and i think that’s part of the reason people connect with it. idk. but thank you so much ily ;__;

hi i just wanted to ask how do you manage your time and how do you post frequently without feeling overworked and overwhelmed ? do you have some sort of schedule, because you seem very organized lol . tysm for answering <3 !

hmmmmm how? um poorly LMAO

no but really...it’s hard. i’m glad i’m so into this story/eager to see all your reactions to it because otherwise the chaos of my life would’ve definitely deterred me from moving along with it a while ago. that’s basically the reason i’m so surprised i even made it this far tbh. i accomplished so much more than i ever thought i would. ;__;

i don’t have an answer for this question because i DO often feel overwhelmed and i have to take a step back and remind myself it’s not the end of the world if i don’t have time to go in game or edit or whatever. i think it’s because i set up this timeline for myself in terms of goals i want to reach with my story throughout the rest of the year and i get frustrated with myself when those plans become delayed because of other obligations. (for example i definitely thought baby wallace would’ve been born by now lmao syke) i was getting burnt out very easily before, which is why i’ve been taking it slower lately (that and i’ve been working a lot more so i don’t have as much free time as i used to :\ ) the good thing about having different characters tho is that when i get burnt out on one thing i can just switch over to another thing at an opportune time (which is what i’ve always done with santi and girooni)

anyway yeah i am kinda organized (in my own weird way) in terms of story planning, controlling the pacing and key events, and that’s definitely the reason i’m able to post so frequently. i used to have multiple free days a week where i could go in game for long amounts of time and get lots of scenes done at once, but at this point in my current schedule i just basically go in game whenever i'm free from the clutches of capitalism (jk we’re never free save us bernie) which means i only have time to do like one thing in game but it seems to be working just as well so far.

.............i’m how i wrote a novel to answer this

im glad i pretty much got it. i can really relate to everything going on. i can see a lot of myself in santi and molly & i get it. the movies make you think you fall in love and everythings fixed like they fill that void in your soul and i mean sure they fill parts of it but you need to do that yourself and not rely on someone else. Your story is real and you can tell your writing from personal experience because theres so much feeling. u think ur fixing urself and u end up more hurt in the end

i’m so glad you can relate ;-; i think that’s one of my proudest accomplishments so far. i mean santi has always been relatable for me because he IS me...or at least partly me, just like all my characters are. but i never thought anyone else would feel the same way, so it means so much to me that people enjoy him as a character because of that.

anyway YES exactly. i hate the “no one’s going to love you if you don’t love yourself” mentality, i think it’s a toxic way of looking at the benefits of genuine self love. the sentiment behind it is true, but it’s a backwards way of looking at it. someone’s else’s love shouldn’t be your motivation, your own love toward yourself should be your motivation. when you look at it in the other way, you do end up getting more hurt in the end.

lol anons back the frick off, that scene is perfect, santi is perfect, sunny is perfect, the stuttering is perfect THIS BLOG IS FREAKIN PERFECT

oMG i appreciate the support, but i don’t blame those people for having issues with my dialogue hahahha. i know it’s kind of different and weird but it just feels right for me when i write it so i go with it. i rly like santi’s stuttering tho so *shrugs* THANK YOU THO ILY <333

hey! I was wondering if you have any tips on making(?) light leaks in photoshop? idk if you've answered this already bc I'm on mobile, buT if u have I'll just check when I get on my computer next !!! Thanks !

ummM I DON’T ACTUALLY because i get all my light leaks off google lmao. i have a folder of all the ones i’ve collected over time lmao

you could probably easily make some with the paintbrush in overlay mode with varying opacities tho? i’ve tried to replicate this a few times actually, but the rest of the time i just use light leaks made by other people lol

Do you enjoy more playing the game or taking the photos/making the story? Do you play challenges?

LATELY i’ve been just enjoying playing the game because i’ve gotten burnt out on story things and just playing is such a nice break from it haha. whenever i have to wait in game for it to be a certain time of day for story purposes, i go play with girooni for a few sim hours to pass the time and it’s fun for me lmao. i’m looking forward to my story winding down so i can get back to doing more gameplay things like i did before but at the same time i’ll always do at least something story related because i like the sense of direction it gives y’know.

i’ve never actually tried any challenges, not even just regular old legacies because i would always either get sick of the sims i was playing with or get too attached to them and not want to go to a new generation lmao. i was never interested in any challenges tbh. i like watching other people do bachelor(ette) challenges tho heheh

WHEN DID SANTI BECOME SUCH A STRONK BOI also you are so sweet we don't deserve you??? You are a blessing I love you thank you for doing this aaaaa ;;; you are an inspiration I hope I can do what you do too! OK BYE HAVE A NICE DAY ❤️❤️❤️

OMG HE’S ALWAYS BEEN SECRETLY STRONK (i’m assuming this is about how he beat ugly stepdad to a pulp lmao) he mostly gets his strength from anger and an adrenaline rush. a BLESSING WHAT!!!!!! YOU’RE SO SWEET ILY ;__; don’t thank me, i’m just doin what i love <3 have a nice day/night/rest of your life ily

But why are ur anons so needy lol isn't that like ur third one angry that u haven't responded

ugh i feel bad because i get it, i do, i understand it hurts when you reach out to someone multiple times and you get ignored, but i don’t do it on purpose and i have explained, many times, the plenty of valid reasons why i can’t respond to 100% of my messages. i’m actually trying to answer all of my message right now with these mass answer posts and it’s REALLY a lot for me to go out of my way and do this. so i’m trying ok. but like i’m only a person ajhsdghjdfjhk i can only give so much attention to this y’know. please be patient

from this moment on we should all proceed to take cautions around ppl named dan.... TAINTED

I KNO RIGHT...dan is such an ugly boring name (no offense to the dans of the world) but like if you’re a dane you’re probably evil or are the human embodiment of cardboard

I can not say it enough. Great story. It's life. And life is beautiful, loving, refreshing and sometimes it can be harsh & scary. You take the good with the bad. I look forward to what comes next. --"Run away, run far away" nony (I have to start thinking of new tag line, because I am diggin Santi and Lou together) :)

HELLO FRIEND i kinda love that you keep coming back ehehe. and i’m glad you’re enjoying it so much ;___; these words are so kind and genuine, thank you so much <3333 OMG i’m glad you like santou as well even though they’re on a slow decline right now. i’m really excited about what i have planned in the future tho

omggggg my theory is the first one on that list you posted!! i'm so happy for that but also sad bc of what's going on with molly and santi and i hope that santi will finally just be happy soon. love you and your sims (except step dad dan) 💕💕

OOH HELLO YES you basically guessed everything that happened up until this point hahaha congratulations <33 santi will be happy...eventually. it’s going to be a long hard road in getting there tho. i hope you’ll all be satisfied in the end

fuck you dan stepdad