#ohhh the number of times ive pointed out that if my father were to do this to anybody but his child hed be arrested | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

vamptastic · 6 months ago

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like i know logically that screaming at and striking a child for banal misbehavior is wrong. i know that doing to a child having a panic attack is worse. i know that even among adults that behavior is wildly, wildly inappropriate. i know that throughout my life other people have recognized that my parent's behavior was wrong. but i can't turn off the part of my brain that says well, you deserved it, and you'll continue to deserve it forever. when you have expressed the above arguments over and over and over in every way you could imagine and been faced, every time, with an acknowledgement that the behavior was wrong but that it was fine and reasonable and justified when it was you, it's difficult to accept that you're not the fucking problem.

#would be soooo nice if i didn't have to spend the rest of my life trying to not become my parents or let other people treat me like they did #i wish i had normal self esteem and no anger issues and a normal relationship with the concept of marriage #ohhh the number of times ive pointed out that if my father were to do this to anybody but his child hed be arrested #and had him respond well nobody but you would ever act like this in the first place. God.#like yeah thank you. The next time a man screams at and hits me I'll let him know it's totally cool because I'm a uniquely awful person.

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