#oh you want to talk about your angsty fic idea? here let me sprinkle some more angst in it for you | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lovecolibri · 3 years ago

Note

Because I am feeling brave and greedy today I’d like to ask for the director’s cut of all your fics :)

Oh bless you, Nonnie! This is probably going to get a little long because I don’t know how to shut up and I love talking about my fics so I'll do the shorter ones first and put the longer ones under the cut. (from this post if anyone else wants to join in!)

Caging Each Other In

So this was based on a Tumblr debate about whether Alex would be the type to cage Michael in against a wall or vice-versa, and I felt the answer was both. It's the shortest thing I've written and I just noticed it's at 619 words and the fact that it's an odd number is now going to drive me a *little* nuts 🤣 I haven’t gotten to writing any serious smut yet, but I felt this at least had some tension and my favorite part was the ending because this was an established relationship piece so there was no angst, just Malex getting to be happy and giggly and in love and most importantly, feeling free, and that’s what I want for them.

Be Here to Love Me

This was based off that notorious BTS pic Trevino took of Vlamis in his slippers with what appears to be Tyler, chilling on a set in a hospital room with a chest x-ray on the wall. So amid the swirls of “what if’s” for Alex getting hurt, I had a little, tiny blossom of an idea that somehow still ended up being over 4k words and took me almost 2 months from the time I started the document until I posted. As with most everything I try to do from writing, to crafts, to when I was composing music for my minor in college, this “little simple idea” got away from me and turned into something so much more than just worried Michael. I got a chance to explore some of the injuries Alex got at the hands of his dad and I thought it was interesting to see how Alex’s injuries didn’t bother him as much until one reminded him of the day in the shed and remembering Michael getting hurt is what pushes him over the edge. But then to counteract the heaviness of that, I wanted to make the actually accident not so angsty (also it’s been a tough year and I wasn’t in the headspace for anymore angst), I I am obsessed with the way Alex and Michael look in the blue light in the cave in early season 2 and thought “how did they not just fall all over themselves trying to touch each other when they looked so good” and the idea was born that they just got caught up ogling each other and it was a dumb accident. I thought it would be fun to and add a *little* tension if they both didn’t KNOW they were both ogling each other to build some tension until they both reveal they were staring in our own clowntp alien version of that Spiderman meme. That scene has some of my favorite lines but if I could only pick one to yell about it would be Michael telling Alex he was staring at him. “...I know it’s been a long time, but not-it’s never going to be long enough. To see you, and not feel something.” There are several other lines from that scene I love too but we don’t have time for all that! thought I could do the sprinkle of Jesse angst and then send them home to reveal they were still in love to each other, buuuut my brain just yelled “SOFT MALEX” at me until I let Michael take care of Alex (with some almost smut too!) and tuck him in. One thing I really stress about, is finding a good sentence or two to end on because nothing is worse (to me personally) than an abrupt ending. I think so far I’ve done fairly well with all my fics, but I really love the ending for this one (though Dancing in the Dark is a close second and my unpublished one might have my new favorite one, but it doesn’t count yet)

This is also my first fic where Kyle makes an appearance (he’s briefly in my WIP as well which I’m excited for) and I really loved writing for him.

So, If Time Is Money, I’ll Spend It All For You is almost finished and while it’s still mostly a secret what it’s about I can say I got some very soft feels during 2x04 and had an idea for a series of little vignettes about this event but I also had a little snippet of dialogue between Kyle and Alex as the set up so I had to start working dialogue elsewhere and slowly each vignette bloomed outward into this 17.6k word fic that is just pure, uncut fluff because Michael and Alex deserve to have a good, stress-free long weekend being happy and adorable and in love. I’m very nervous about letting it out into the world, but I’m also so excited to share and can’t wait to hear about people’s favorite parts!

Okay, the big ones are under the cut!

Dancing in the Dark

This story started with a comment I made on another post about Alex helping Michael shave and ended up a three-chapter fic that included the shaving bit as well as an interrupted dance scene. There also ended up being a lot of fun, sweet flirting, Michael being oblivious and a couple surprises along the way! My OC Sophie was originally there just to make the original comment about the tie, but then Sanders kinda showed up and then they were all sitting at the table and suddenly she was a whole part of the story! I was surprised by her arrival but I kind of love her. I also started out having Alex and Michael squabble over dessert and in looking for what kinds of desserts would be quick and easy but still pretty to serve at an event put on by Isobel, I found mini-cheesecakes. Then I made one (1) joke about them between Isobel and Michael and that was it. Suddenly I was figuring out how to work in Alex making the exact same comment, and when I was trying to figure out a way to wrap up the story, the wedding epilogue about the cheesecakes pretty much wrote itself. I mentioned it before but I loved writing Isobel in this story and she has a lot of good lines, though my favorite might have to be “Oh for the love of-Go home and have sex in bed like normal people!” shouted at Malex who are still dancing and kissing long after everyone else has packed up to leave.

This fic is also mostly fluffy goodness but I’m really proud of the shaving scene and I thought it had some good tension which of course gets broken by Isobel calling and it was one of those scenes I could just see playing out behind my eyelids.

Fun and random fact! In looking up popular men’s cologne to figure out what Alex might smell like, I was astounded at how many had patchouli in them because it’s not something I normally associate with men’s colognes because it’s awful and overpowering and men’s colognes can also be awful and overpowering but in a different way, if that makes sense.

Heart of Courage AKA my 2x06 spite fic

oooooh boy it’s been a hot minute since I read this fic! This was the first fic I published though it was the second or third one I started and was based off seeing a gif of just the cropped Malex kiss in THAT scene and how it didn’t make sense that m*ria didn’t just leave then because it was clear those two forgot she existed in that moment. One thing led to another and 20k-something words later, this was what I built around that idea. It was untitled for a long time so it was just called my spite fic and actually the name was changed towards the end. It was originally called All’s Hell that Ends Well (also a song title from Two Steps from Hell) but Heart of Courage just fit better. Most of this fic was completed fairly quick-ish but I waffled a lot over the actual argument scene because arguments are not my jam and I was worried about making Alex too aggressive because that didn’t seem in character for him, but I needed him to drop some truth bombs. I also didn’t want m*ria to come across as a caricature of evil, but I wanted to make it clear that what she did was not okay and it was a hard line to walk, especially for only just starting writing. I got stalled out at one point and blessedly had already sent Michael into the airstream and then I realized i could just...switch to his POV and not actually write anything for a section I was struggling to transition from one point in the argument to another and I actually think it worked out pretty well! Yay for workarounds! I also really wanted to dig into the feeling of panic and confusion and dissociation which I think came across pretty well. I’m actually very proud of this fic and as the first one I ever completed it will always hold a special place in my heart. But I couldn’t just leave Alex and Michael hurting and confused so I ended up devoting most of this fic to them being soft and actually talking things out and offering physical but non-sexual comfort to each other to balance out all the angst. There are several moments in this fic that I like a lot and some lines I’m really proud of or enjoyed but I also hoped there were moments that made people laugh. Michael forgetting he has his shoes on and trying to step out of his pants and overbalancing into Alex was so much fun to write and I felt it offered a nice moment of levity. The story about Jesse threating Michael to keep Alex away popped up out of nowhere but I really liked how that turned out as well, giving Michael more insight into why Alex left and that it wasn’t about him and his actions but out of protection. I absolutely do not have time right now to read through this again and pick a favorite line though there was one about black holes that I was pretty proud of, but I would love to hear anyone else’s favorite lines!

Sorry not sorry this got so long and I would love to hear from anyone else because I really do love an excuse to talk about these fics.

#my sweet nonnie friends #colibri writes #roswell nm #malex #malex fic #2x06 mention #come flail at meeee!!#i need validation and motivation!

12 notes · View notes

suzukiblu · 3 years ago

Text

Fic Writer Meme

Tagged by my dear @dancinbutterfly, and like, obviously I will take any excuse to talk about writing.

1) how many works do you have on ao3?

168, although a few of those are podfics that the podficcer credited me as a co-author on. Actually less than I would’ve expected, tbh.

2) what is your total ao3 word count?

1,431,989. Honestly also kinda less than I would’ve expected at this point. I will blame all those old fics I never brought over from LJ and ff.net for this expectation.

3) how many fandoms have you written for, and what are they?

I literally cannot tell you, the ancient ways have been lost to me. I can give you my Ao3 fandoms, though!

Marvel Cinematic Universe

Avatar: The Last Airbender

Overwatch

The Witcher (Netflix)

Young Justice (Cartoon)

Animorphs

Star Wars

Good Omens

Venom

Fantastic Four

Leverage

League of Legends

Daredevil

Supernatural

Care Bears

World of Warcraft

Spider-Man

X-Men

Slender Man Mythos

Additionally, long ago: Naruto, Gundam Wing, Digimon, Ranma ½, Bleach, Inu-Yasha, and many scattered other fandoms of my youth. So, so many others. So I’ve written for 25+ fandoms, at least.

4) what are your top 5 fics by Kudos.

a mark, a mission, a brand, a scar (13004)

I once started out to walk around the world but ended up in Brooklyn (8450)

it’s a long way forward (so trust in me) (6965)

oh don’t you dare look back, just keep your eyes on me (6818)

if the bad times are coming let ‘em come (5362)

5) do you respond to comments?

Not really these days, though I hoard and treasure them like a freaking DRAGON. I used to respond to all of them but sometimes I’m just not around and then it becomes awkwardly late to reply and also they kinda . . . pile up a bit. I do try to answer all the comments with questions in them, at least, as long as the questions aren’t literally spoilers or anything like that.

6) what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I don’t usually write super-angsty endings, I think? I don’t FEEL like I usually write super-angsty endings, anyway, at least not these days. I think I did it more often when I was more into, like, drabbles and shortfic. Now I just spend way too long on stuff to give it a downer ending.

The most recent angsty ending I can think of is wanna hold him, maybe I’ll just sing about it, though eventually I did write a sequel to that to soften the blow a bit. And also torment people a bit. Both, technically. Technically both.

7) What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

blondes really do have more fun, definitely. It’s very . . . giddy, I guess? What with the gender euphoria and all. There’s angst and heavy emotions in the actual plot but the highs of the happy parts/ending are probably the highest/happiest ones I’ve written, and Supergirl gets everything she wants without having to compromise or give up anything else.

8) do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve ever written?

I write fusion fic more than crossovers, really, but I have written a LOT of fusion fic. Some of it has been weirder than others, tbh, but probably the Avatar: The Last Airbender/Animorphs fusion that I have been lovingly slaving over deserves to be this answer if only for how much extremely sincere effort I have put into it over the years.

9) have you ever received hate on a fic?

Mild hate, but occasionally. I don’t really tend to remember negative comments, tbh, though it does sometimes make me not want to reread the comment section I know they’re in. But a lot of the hate I’ve gotten in the end just seemed like socially-awkward people being unnecessarily blunt instead of just hitting the back button, so I try not to take it personally. Can’t please everyone. Don’t WANT to please everyone, frankly.

10) Do you write smut? What kind?

Yes, and the kind is “a lot”. Sometimes I don’t really feel like it but definitely I have done a lot of it. I try for Feelings and also to be safe, sane, and consensual as much as I can.

11) have you ever had a fic stolen?

I . . . am not sure? Though probably, after being at this for all this time. Someone once told me that someone picked up a fic I’d (at the time) abandoned and just started writing/posting more of it without asking or telling me about it, but I never actually found said fic and I don’t know if that technically counts as “stealing” anyway.

12) have you ever had a fic translated?

A few times, yup, it’s pretty gratifying! I also like to run them back through Google Translate and see what they say, haha.

13) have you ever co-written a fic before?

yoooo @dancinbutterfly, @rainnecassidy! Also done it with a few other people long, LONG ago, but that was back in the LJ era. Don’t think I’ve technically collabed with anyone else lately, although sometimes people will give me ideas for stuff I’m writing or offer suggestions when I’m stuck on a thing, which is very helpful.

14) what’s your favourite ship?

Like . . . per fandom? ‘Cuz we could be here a while. Most recently it’s Jaskier/Geralt, for a while it was Aziraphale/Crowley, DEFINITELY for a while it was Steve/Bucky . . .

You know, I guess technically my all-time favorite ship is actually Naruto/Sasuke, because I made a LOT of friends in Naruto fandom and it actually hugely influenced the end of my teenage years and beginning of my adult life and so, SO much of my writing. So like, if nothing else it wins on influentialness.

15) what’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Let ‘Em Come. @rainnecassidy and I wrote that AU a long-ass time ago now and I never did my half of the sequel fic because I got too distracted with another longfic I was working on at the time and then took a real long fandom break. I always felt kind of bad about it because people seemed to bother her for said sequel more than they bothered ME for it, since her fic was the last posted part. Unfortunately I just don’t have the spoons or the MCU-focus for the research and effort it’d take anymore. Also, like . . . it’d probably be pretty long, so unless I was REAL obsessive about it it’d take a good long while.

Basically I think its time has just passed at this point, alas.

16) what are your writing strengths?

Sex, action, snark, and weird fusion fics. Also making people love things they usually hate, that’s one I get told a lot.

17) what are your writing weaknesses?

Fitting physical descriptions of . . . literally ANYTHING into the story. Just, anything. Physical descriptions are hard.

18) what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in fic?

I try not to do it, personally, because I know soooooo very little about other languages. Sometimes I’ll sprinkle in a little bit of it, but usually I feel like it’s better to avoid it, personally.

19) what was the first fandom you wrote for?

I literally could not even tell you. The first fandom I REMEMBER writing proper “fic” for was . . . Ranma ½, I think. I thiiiiink. But that was a long-ass time ago and I never even posted it anywhere because those were the days when I despised typing things up beyond all measure, hah. And before that I remember writing Animorphs . . . comics? Storyboards? Something like that. Kind of a cross between the two.

20) what’s your favourite fic you’ve ever written?

I do not know! There’s really just too many, tbh. Some top options are you found me when no one else was looking, best friends means you get what you deserve, clay kids, Avamorphs, handmaiden!Anakin, oh don’t you dare look back, just keep your eyes on me, and . . . and I could go on for a dang MINUTE, honestly, haha, I’m just gonna stop myself here before I get too carried away.

I tag whoever happens to be reading this that wants to be tagged; have fun with it!

#meme #a/b/o #some not sfw links in here #fair warning #long post

8 notes · View notes

potatoesandsunshine · 4 years ago

Text

Campaign 2 Wrap Up: Anna Potatoesandsunshine Edition

Seemed like it would be fun to go through all the fan content I made for this campaign and try to find at least one thing I like about each thing! Kind of like looking back through a photo album. Under the cut because as it turns out, I wrote kind of a lot! (As in, 21 fics and 3 playlists kind of a lot!)

the sea, once it casts its spell (fjord speculation, what’s up with all this ocean stuff?? the fic)

The first thing I wrote for c2, wayyy in the beginning of things. We had no idea about Uk’otoa or Avantika or anyone at this point, it was pure ocean vibes for my favorite warlock. I really like how hard I leaned in on the “the ocean follows Fjord to land” idea.

so many things will fill my life (but only one will do) (post-campaign cali/jester fluff, written the night of the cali episode and so sweet it could rot your teeth)

This one is just good. I just did good with this one. I’m one of those people who hates their own work the night of posting and then when looking back at it goes, “Wow, this is great.” My favorite thing is the little gifts sent along with the letters! Cali was so fun and cute :)

when the dust does roam (Beau study up to Episode 42, 2k words of Beau poking at the idea of grief)

Best thing I did in this fic was have Caleb-through-Frumpkin bugging Beau about getting some sleep. They really... they’re siblings, your honor.

“ “Fuck off, I’ll sleep when I’m dead.” Beau picks the bird up and sets him in the hood of her own cloak, out of reach of any weasels or startled monks in the morning. It’d suck to have to tell Caleb that his Frumpkin got eaten by Sprinkle.” C’mon guys, let’s do the sibling dance.

keep your swords out by your sides (the idea for this was, What If Fjord Has Nightmares From Uk’otoa Every Night and just doesn’t remember them)

Assigning everybody a word Uk’otoa had said for each nightmare in this was a challenge; I went into it knowing I wanted Caleb for Learn and Caduceus for Consume and had to guess the rest - for an angry eye snake Uk’otoa didn’t give us a ton of quotes.

“ He reaches over and runs a hand along the wall of the ship. From his touch, mushrooms begin sprouting.” Caduceus starting to decompose the Mistake in the middle of cooking was maybe the best moment in this story for me. Like, yeah. Yeah. Ok you funky little grave cleric.

strange but not a stranger (Caleb & Jester, in the immediate aftermath of Caleb’s charm in Episode 55)

the first of my “the Mighty Nein won’t have these conversations with each other in canon so they have to be had in fic” ideas that turned into a full-fledged story. I still had not discovered the em dash at this point, so the formatting of this makes me cringe a little bit, but this fic was really about The Emotions Of Being Out Of Control which turned out to be a very big Thing for the Mighty Nein.

now this story was when swords were humble (fake academia mixed with a Yasha study)

Honestly I’m still obsessed with the AU I made here where Yasha was just awakening every sword she used without knowing it?? Why did I use that here only?? That might come back. But the best part about this fic is the citations; me at my most in-joke and ridiculous.

through the teeth of this tempest (Written in the immediate aftermath of Episode 69, Yasha internally trying to break Obann’s control over the course of a month.)

The most “I wrote this to cope with canon” fic out of all of them. I was crying writing this, I was so upset that Yasha was gone ugh just remembering it. Still waiting for past me to discover the em dash, I genuinely don’t know why I didn’t know how to do it and I’ve thought about going back and editing all of these but I’m just Not Gonna Do All That. Anyway, I really like how Yasha catches lightning with her sword in this. We all really manifested that happening.

nothing more than what the losers settle for (Time travel, a series of oneshots where each member of the m9 sans Caduceus went back to a different point in the timeline and murdered Trent Ikithon)

This was my longest fic for c2, so I’m mostly just glad it got finished. This happened somewhere around the time Matt released that set of notes that mentioned Trent in more detail and I hated him so much I just had to write him dying six times. That speaks for itself.

Revolutionary!Fjord was also a good turn. He could pull it off, I think.

we’re gonna show ‘em a thing, or two, or three (Jester growing up fluff!)

I really like how I did Jester & Artagan in this, even though he barely appears. Someone better at songwriting than me please write the Dragon Song. Em dash makes an appearance here but the formatting is still wrong. I Am Once Again Asking For Proper Use Of The Em Dash.

the best things (happen while you’re dancing) (Mid-Episode 97 Divergence, Jester taking the reins at the party + hints of jester/beau/yasha bc i still love my girls so much)

Jester’s a little out of character in this, but not wildly so, and it was for the purposes of a Trapped By Societal Convention plot that I wanted her to mastermind so I think it was fine in the end. I’m still fascinated by the way she unbalanced Ludinus Da’leth in basically every interaction they had, and while their scene feels pretty cliche in this... the cliches are there for a reason. They’re so fun to write.

Em dash my beloved, there you are.

plus thirty-one varieties of sacramental wine (The Galavant crossover that truly nobody asked for, Beau + the monks)

Yeah, this one’s just fun. Not much more to say about it. Critical Role and Galavant are both fantasy, but they’re honestly pretty different in tone, and it was fun to write Beau dropped into a comedy musical.

oh we were sea-bound and aimless at best (Purely angst, a What If The Fjord & Orly Resurrections Didn’t Work fic)

Made myself care about Marius with this one, y’all. What more can I say? Beau having to go from first mate to captain was just... deliciously painful, because she would.

lost my shape trying to act casual (Beau & Yasha during travelercon, another mid-episode fic, this time of 104)

Yasha comforting Beau, who feels guilty for not feeling guilty... That Mighty Nein wasn’t lying, Mind Control and Autonomy can be themes. Another in the “the Mighty Nein won’t have these conversations with each other in canon so they have to be had in fic” tank. They really just... didn’t open up to each other for a long time, which made sense, but I wanted them to.

so long as you don’t mind a little dying (Beau & Caduceus, sometime in the peace talks arc)

Keeping with the Mighty Nein Please Talk To Each Other theme, I feel like I did a pretty good job with the late-night conversation energy of this fic. This was at a time when I was looking at Caduceus, can opener in hand, ready to make this firbolg open up about his feelings. Beau in this is prickly and confrontational but only in service of her friend’s well-being.

amber light, bending (Eiselcross speculation, Widofjord and all the messiness therein)

THE widofjord fic of my two widofjord fics. The blueprint. The better one. Finally I got the dynamic figured out. I maintain that the tower is an absolute expression of Caleb’s love for his friends. The way that neither of them have the braincell in this fic... yeah this one is just good.

and a blade between them (Widofjord happening... sometime.)

Okay so this is not as good as amber light and I will never be able to look at it and like it as much, but it was still fun to write. Anyway, the intimacy of shaving someone else. That is good. The tag “if they didn’t want me to think about the blood pact they shouldn’t have made the blood pact” is the most useful takeaway from this fic and is the driving force behind the Fjord/Jester/Caleb fic I’m working on now, so it wasn’t a waste of time or anything.

feel the ground beneath my feet turn into the sky (Post-Campaign Astrid-retires-to-Nicodranas, Astrid/Jester)

This is another one where I’m like “Yeah, this is just good.” Packed full of Wizard Fashion, Artagan making an appearance to rope Astrid into having a happier future, and the power of Going To The Seaside. Good for you, fic-Astrid.

spend your days biting your own neck (Role-reversal where Beau is the one mind-controlled this time and Yasha is the one chasing after her, set very early in the Tomb Takers arc)

So much of this fic is about not saying things aloud - Beau’s POV spends a good chunk on body language and Yasha writes multiple letters on paper and in her own head - but devotion bleeding through anyway because there’s nowhere else for it to go. The two of them go tumbling over a cliff together at the end but Yasha has wings, ugh. Yeah this was a good one.

and blow the dry leaves from the tree (Somewhere before the beauyasha date but otherwise timeline-nonspecific Nicodranas, Yasha & Yeza become friends)

Yasha & Yeza making pancakes together when neither of them know how to do so... is good. This fic is very much about grief sneaking in, but it’s even more about finding someone to share the moment with you. I think these two have more in common than we think.

oh, lend a mending hand (Caleb & Caduceus during Beau’s tombstone meditation in Episode 130)

I wrote this entire fic as an excuse for Caleb and Caduceus to hug and it does what it says on the tin. Got em.

it’s about the passing of measures (Beauyasha at the end of Episode 134, Aeor speculation)

This fic got extremely sidetracked because I rediscovered the marble machine during it and I do not apologize for that. I still really like the idea that Aeor as a whole, not just the Cognouza, is somewhat-alive. Too much magic and too much death for it to be anything else, in my mind. And I’m a sap for hurt/comfort.

the blumentrio playlist nobody asked for

If I think too much about how deep in each other these three people are I will cry. Made myself a soundtrack for those tears.

the caleb playlist nobody asked for

what if this angsty wizard had a playlist of songs that mostly just... make me want to dance? that question was answered here.

the caduceus playlist nobody asked for

songs about home, leaving home, dying, changing, becoming someone new, coming home and finding it’s changed... this to me is caduceus.

yeah... this campaign has been fun!! I probably won’t stop making things about it; I still write about Vox Machina, for crying out loud, but... it feels good to lay it all out like this. It’s been a long few years, and it’s wild to be seeing the end of it now.

#yes tumblr hates links yes here is an overlong post with 24 links #now THIS is why you make a blog. to look at your own work and say yeah several times.#critical role #i have some stuff i've been working on but i don't see any of it getting finished before the epilogue #looking back at everything is like... yeah! i had a lot of fun here!#anna's fic notes

2 notes · View notes

the-hilda-librarians-wife · 4 years ago

Text

Silver Lining

Summary: My sketchbook twist on what happened in the episode The Storm while Johanna was alone in her car. You know, technically, it could have happened...

Inspired by something I said in this rewatch post

Notes: Okay so originally this was going to be something very different with lots of obliviousness and mutual pining, but then it hit me that outside of the angsty hell that is The Mistakes We Made, I have no established relationship fics??? Time to fix that. Also I wanted to jump into the “librarian and Johanna were secretly dating during season 1” bandwagon before season 2 comes along and crushes our dreams.

Read it on ao3

The art supply store had been deserted, presumably because of the storm raging outside, which seemed to only get worse by the minute. Uneasy over the weather, Johanna’s shopping was quick, and she only bought what was absolutely essential, even though she promised herself to come back some other time.

She couldn’t fathom what was happening that day. Even in the height of winter, it never snowed like that in Trolberg, not as far as she remembered. It could be one of those freaky effects of global warming, she supposed, but it still was weird that it had happened so suddenly.

Returning home was not an option. The roads were completely blocked by heaps of pristine snow, and she’d certainly catch her death if she attempted the walk back, thus why she’d called Hilda. She’d wanted to tell her why she wouldn’t be returning home so soon, but knowing her daughter as she did, she also found it wise to warn her not to leave the house. Just in case she had any grand ideas.

After putting down the phone, she looked around only to realize that the stores were all closing, turning off their lights and closing their curtains. Johanna could see where they were coming from, seeing as no customer would face this storm for things like art supplies or doughnuts, but she had hoped at least one of them would be available for her to stay inside and make use of the heating. Seeing no other option, though, she returned to her car.

Her cellphone had no signal, and she was sure that that, too, was due to the weather. The supplies she’d bought weren’t enough for her to get ahead on her work, or even to doodle, so she was stuck with people-watching to pass her time. Everyone she saw looked like they were hurrying somewhere, and Johanna silently wished good luck to each of them, even though she knew that they would only be able to go so far before being forced to find somewhere to stay immediately.

None of the anxious faces she saw evoked more than a brief memory from her, either people who frequented her favorite cafe at the same time as her, or perhaps people she’d helped during her time working at the hardware store. Until one did.

Johanna recognized her colours before her face, because even though she was looking down at the ground, stepping carefully on the snowy street, her black clothes and purple hair always gave her away. She was curled in on herself, apparently clutching something to her belly to protect it from the snow.

Her house wasn’t nearby, Johanna knew this. The only reason she was outside at all was because of the weekly coven meeting that the witches of Trolberg did every Sunday morning. She must have been caught abruptly by the storm when she was already on her way.

Feeling icy wind on her face as she opened the car’s door, Johanna waved her hand in the air and tried to shout to get her attention.

“Maven!” Though she knew the woman to get lost in thought while she walked, Maven heard her right away, and a look of recognition overtook her face when she glanced at the yellow car. “Come here, you’ll freeze to death!”

There was barely a second of deliberation before the librarian crossed the street and headed for the passenger seat. When she opened the door, Johanna was already sitting down again, and she helped herself inside the car.

“Thank you, Anna.” She said, incredibly relieved that Johanna had been there in the exact moment she’d needed her. “You just saved me.”

The smile Johanna gave her stole her breath, making her feel warmer in spite of the freezing cold she’d just come out of. She always had that power of making the room feel like it was filled with a light so strong that it seeped all the way into Maven’s heart, and it was one of those things Maven knew she’d never tire of.

“Well, I’m glad to be of help. How was the meeting?”

Maven shrugged, opening her coat’s zipper to get rid of the icy garment.

“It was alright. Harvesting season is coming closer and we are planning on blessing the crops nearby.” She said, throwing the coat on the backseats. “Heavens know they’ll need it with this storm. The elders also warned me that they’ll be coming to the library this week with a group of children who showed gifts to the occult arts. You know, to teach them about the path. So I guess that will be interesting.”

The most intriguing topic on the reunion had been, by far, the concern over a group of kids who had caused a commotion in the cemetery. One member of their coven had recently made contact with a ghost, only to find it unwilling to help her ‘because of the human children of their town that had been disrespecting their eternal slumber’. Maven had to admit that she’d had to make an effort not to laugh when their spirit worker told this story, but unless she had a death wish, she should not let Johanna in on this. It wasn’t lying, she told herself. It was simply not snitching on Hilda. Besides, since Johanna wasn’t a witch, Maven shouldn’t even be telling her any of that to begin with.

“What about you?” She asked, trying to shake the ghosts away from her mind. “What are you doing out here in this storm?”

“Oh, I came for art supplies.” Johanna pointed at the shopping bag on the backseat. “Wasn’t quite this bad when I left home. I wonder what on earth brought on this crazy weather.”

“Oh, weather spirits undoubtedly.” Maven said as she took off her gloves, rubbing her hands together for warmth.

“Weather spirits?”

“Yes, I can sense they’re the ones behind this. Besides, the coven has been observing some very unusual weather spirit activity in town. We could be here for a while.”

Looking worriedly at the sky, Johanna only noticed that Maven was offering her something when she all but shoved it under her nose. She blinked, picking a cupcake up on her hands. It was still warm and exhaled a sweet apple scent, with cinnamon and sugar sprinkled on top of it.

Maven’s left hand was inside a paper bag, which Johanna assumed was what she’d been trying to protect from the snow when she’d been outside. After taking another cupcake, she folded the bag closed.

“One of the witches made too many cupcakes and brought them to give us. Very convenient to have them right now.”

“Oh, that smells lovely.” Johanna said. “Are you sure you don’t want to take it home for yourself? I’m not going to starve if I have to wait a few more hours to eat.”

Maven smiled right before taking a bite of her own cupcake, shaking her head fondly in exasperation.

“I’m your girlfriend, Johanna.” She said when she finished chewing. “If I don’t feed you, who will?”

Johanna rolled her eyes playfully as she brought the cake to her lips, humming in satisfaction at the sweet taste. Along with seeing Hilda happy and with new friends, her newfound relationship with Maven was what made her be thankful every day that they’d moved back to Trolberg.

“So, these weather spirits.” Johanna began while each of them focused on their sweet. “Any idea of why they went haywire?”

“Hard to tell, really. They’ll pick fights with each other over anything, but for a storm this strong it has got to be an enormous gathering of them. I honestly don’t know what could have caused this, but one of the elders specifies in weather magic. Maybe he knows, I’ll ask him about it when he goes to the library with the initiates.”

Frowning, Johanna felt herself getting more worried.

“So there’s no way to know when this will stop.”

“I’m afraid not.” Noticing her girlfriend’s unease, Maven tried to catch her gaze, but Johanna seemed to look everywhere but at her. “Anna? Are you okay?”

“I’m just a little worried about Hilda.” She answered. “She’s alone at home with Alfur. I told her to stay put, but even so… she’s just a kid, and if anything happens, she has no way to talk to me.”

“Hey.” Maven put a hand on Johanna’s shoulder, trying to ground her to the moment and not leave her to imagine every bad scenario she could. “I know I don’t know her like you do, but from what you’ve told me she’s a smart and brave little girl. She’ll be fine. If you want to worry about anything, I’d suggest worrying about us at the moment. We’re due to become icicles any minute now.”

Johanna chuckled, grateful for Maven being with her in that moment. She always seemed to know what to say to make her feel better.

“Yeah, you’re right.” She sighed, relaxing the weight of her body against the seat and taking one more bite. Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw that Maven had taken a pen out of her pocket and was now scribbling something on the paper bag the cupcakes had been on.

“I’m not kidding, if this storm gets any worse I don’t know if the car’s heating will keep up.” She said when Johanna shot her a questioning look. “I don’t have many sigils memorized, but luckily Ruth packed a heat one with the cupcakes. I’ll just activate a few and we should be fine.”

Indeed, on top of her tight there was a small paper square with a doodle in it, which Maven had already copied three times on the bag, and was now doing a fourth one. If Johanna saw that symbol and no one told her of its meaning, she’d wave it off as some sort of stylized drawing of a spider, or perhaps of a flame from a certain point of view, so she was glad to be with someone who knew better.

After finishing the drawings, she put the pen aside and began to carefully rip the sigils from each other. When she had the four pieces of paper, she pressed the first one against her window and recited some words that Johanna couldn’t recognize. Listening to witch language always felt singular to Johanna, like even though she’d never learned it, something deep inside her felt awake when she heard it, like it was in her blood. She’d asked Maven about it once, receiving the answer that this wasn’t an unusual feeling. The language of witches is the language of the Earth, which we’re all part of, she’d said. Johanna couldn’t say in all honesty that she’d understood, but it had seemed to make sense to her girlfriend so she hadn’t pressed any further.

When she removed her hand from the glass, the paper had disappeared, and only the symbol remained on the window, shining with orange light as if it was on fire. Then, it vanished leaving no trace on the window.

Johanna continued to stare at where the sigil had been while Maven maneuvered herself to the back of the car to repeat the process with the back windows. Magic never failed to leave her astonished.

It registered on the back of her mind that the car was indeed getting warmer, especially when the librarian activated the third sigil on the window behind Johanna’s seat. After Maven had done that too, Johanna felt her put her elbow on her seat, near her neck, leaning the other against the passenger seat. She was kneeling on the car’s floor, practically by Johanna’s side in the gap between the two front seats. The look she was wearing immediately gave away to Johanna that she wanted to talk about something.

“Anna, I wanted to ask you…” She began, proving her right. “When do you think it will be okay to tell her about us?”

“Her?” Johanna frowned.

“Hilda, I mean. Obviously I’ll understand if you want to keep our relationship just between ourselves for some time. But what do you think she’ll think of me?”

Johanna opened a smile and leaned towards Maven, kissing her cheek. When she retreated, she had to bite back a giggle at how flustered her girlfriend looked.

“Hilda will love you.” Johanna answered honestly. She’d admittedly thought about how Hilda and Maven’s relationship would be, and she was afraid, just not the way one would expect. Her fear was that they’d get along a little too much and Johanna would have to run after them every other day, trying to stop them from getting killed at the hands of a magical creature they’d attempted to befriend or a spirit they’d summoned. Though it was possible that there would be some unease between them at the beginning, the thought that they wouldn’t see eye to eye didn’t even sound possible to Johanna.

“The only reason I haven’t told her yet is because she seems to have a lot on her mind right now. Some trouble with her friends, I think, but she won’t tell me yet. But it’s a conversation I want to have with her as soon as she’s alright again.”

Maven looked away from Johanna, now feeling silly for having asked. It wasn’t like her to be insecure like that, but this truly mattered to her. Whether Hilda approved of her or not would be decisive for how far she and Johanna would be able to take their relationship. Besides, if Johanna told her daughter about them, then that would mean that she took their relationship seriously, so she couldn’t help but care about it.

At least Johanna hadn’t taken it the wrong way, her pursed smile as she put a stray lock of Maven’s hair behind her ear telling her that her girlfriend was probably very amused. She could practically hear Johanna calling her ‘adorable’, stopping herself from doing so only because she knew how Maven didn’t like being called cute.

“I’m… very happy to hear you think so. And I hope whatever is troubling Hilda gets solved soon.”

“I do too. Are you done with your sigils already?”

Between her fingers, she was still holding one last piece of paper, and she flickered her wrist so that it was in front of Johanna’s eyes.

“There’s one more, but I’ll need your help this time.”

“How so- oh.” Before Johanna had time to wonder in what way she could possibly help Maven with magic, her girlfriend had already deposited herself in her lap.

Johanna wasn’t one to blush often, but she was certain the heat on her cheeks was not because of the sigils.

“Just keep this up. I only need to activate this one near your corner of the car.”

Maven then pressed her palm with the sigil to the window, repeating the incantation. This time Johanna was distracted by more than just the magic, in a way that she barely noticed it when the casting was finished and the car was filled by cozy warmth.

“That’s good.” Maven said, approving her own work. “I can go to my seat now, if you want me to.”

Realizing that she’d abstractedly put her arms around Maven’s waist, interlacing her fingers near her side, Johanna shrugged and then caught Maven by surprise by learning in to kiss her lips sweetly. It would have been a very romantic cenario, snug with her love while snow piled outside, if only they weren’t there because they were trapped inside a car due to a mysterious storm. Still, she was with Maven and she wouldn’t have it any other way.

“I don’t want you to go anywhere, dearest.”

_#_#_#_

Maven did go back to her seat eventually, but it was only because Johanna remembered a deck of cards that she kept in the glove compartment and after some time they decided to play something. It didn’t take long at all for the librarian to realize that she was pretty bad at that, but seeing Johanna’s childlike joy every time she won a match, she couldn’t even be annoyed.

Safe and sound inside the car, the storm hadn’t really been on the forefront of their minds. The magic kept them comfortable and the flow of people running from the weather outside was all but nonexistent at that point. But they did realize when the few rays of sunshine that made it through the thick layers of clouds became stronger.

Both of them put their cards down, the change so noticeable that they wanted to get a good look at what had happened. While Maven only lowered her window and stuck her head out, Johanna stepped out of the car to look at the sky.

“At last!” Johanna sighed with relief as the clouds became smaller, making a gap just above them.

From her side of the car, Maven was more interested in another thing she’d noticed than in the changing weather. Either her eyes deceived her, or a thunderbird was flying away at that very moment. What it had been doing in the middle of that tempest was anyone’s guess.

However, they were soon startled by the booming sound of thunder, and watched in stunned silence as one of the remaining clouds seemed to swell unnaturally, darkening at each moment that passed. Johanna closed the door by her side just in time to not get hit by the first drops of water.

They were static while they watched the rain pour down, not believing in the situation even though it was happening right in front of their eyes. Stunned by the abrupt turns, a laugh escaped Johanna’s lips, and soon the absurd picture that she made, laughing like a madwoman while monstrous rain surrounded them made Maven break into giggles as well.

“Well dearest, I think we’re going to be here for even longer.” She said after she had gathered herself enough to form a coherent sentence.

Picking up her girlfriend’s cards as well as her own, she began shuffling them together.

“In that case, I would like a revenge match.”

“Alright, but I warn you that you’ll regret it.”

Huffing in feigned outrage, Maven began distributing their cards, and the ones that were left she put to the side.

“In the end I’m glad, you know.” Johanna said after they began their match, making the librarian frown at her. “For the storm. If it weren’t for that, I wouldn’t even see you today, let alone spend some time with you.”

“Me too, Anna.” Maven smiled. “Me too.”

#fic: silver lining #my fic #sketchbook ship #sketchbook ship hilda #sketchbook ship fanfic #the hilda librarian fanfic #hilda johanna fanfic

13 notes · View notes

pattson · 7 years ago

Text

Arrow

Hello! This is a fic for the wonderful @milomeepit , who requested some angsty Logicality. Thank you so much, this was so fun to write! Also: Message me if you want to be added to the taglist! Trigger warnings here.

on Ao3

The air was thick. The yellowing of Patton’s room was nauseating. Logan’s neck was tense, his stomach was churning, and he could feel himself sweating.

“Logan, you aren’t listening!” Patton’s face was a deep red. His eyes were narrowed. His face was hot.

“I always listen, Patton. Have you ever considered how exhausting that might be? Listening to you, all day, constantly? I can barely breathe without you telling me you love me!” Logan said. His coffee had long grown cold, and the blue and black mug was shaking in his hand. Patton was leaning towards him, his chest forward, fists clenched at his side.

“You think the problem is love? No, Logan, it’s that you don’t help! You never help with the dishes, I’ve never seen you cook even once. You leave my room a mess and scream at me for dropping so much as a crumb in yours. You always get food for yourself and you never help the other sides. When it comes down to it, the real problem is that you only put yourself first!”

“Myself? Me? Patton, if you had any idea how much I’ve had to sacrifice for this to work--”

“Oh, don’t talk to me about sacrifice,” Patton said. He rubbed a hand over his forehead, his bangs falling into his face. “All the things I do for you, all the things I do for everyone. I try so hard! And do I let it show? No! Because I’m Patton, aren’t I? Just your happy, pappy Patton. Who needs worry? Not Patton! Who needs sadness? Not Patton!” His eyes were growing wide, his teeth were clenched. To an outsider, he’d look absolutely insane. Honestly, Patton was beginning to think he was.

“Patton, you’re being illogical. If you would allow yourself to think, for one moment in your life, you’d know that--”

“I do think, Logan!”

“Falsehood! You don’t think outside of your tiny, infinitesimal realm of fairy tales and make-believe. If you understood what I’m going through, if you felt even a slice of the turmoil--”

“What makes you think I’m not struggling, huh? What makes you think I’m not hurting?”

“I’VE NEVER LOVED YOU!”

Logan’s scream echoed through the room. A loud shattering was heard, and Patton flinched. He opened his eyes to see the broken coffee mug, shards of the sine and parabolic functions that once outlined the ceramic.

The mug was shattered.

So was Patton.

It only took him a moment to relieve everything. Back, almost a year ago, to the start of this. Of all of this.

Patton was holding a puppy. A puppy. A puppy! The cat sweatshirt was draped over his shoulders, the soft cotton nuzzling against his skin. But strangely enough, that wasn’t the thing that was really making him so excited.

After all the hardships of the day, Logan had been there. It was true, he left them, but he came back. He always did. Even if he was boasting about always being right, he came back with an apology and a present. He was Logan. He was always there.

You know, he’d really had a funny-heart thing around Logan for a while now. Gosh, how could he not? Logan was beautiful. He was composed, arranged, all but perfect. Yeah, he had his flaws, but the way he moved, the way he thought. It was magical.

Roman popped into the commons, looking at Patton with a humorous eye. “Still enjoying those dogs, Pat?”

“Yeah,” Patton said. There was a certain floaty tone to his voice. Roman’s eyebrow quirked at that.

“Hmm. It seems to me like you’re enjoying more than the dogs, huh?” He said. Patton just gave a giggle in response. “Does this have to do with the fact that Logan gave you that hoodie?”

“Maaaaaybe,” Patton said, a smile taking over his face.

“Oh. My gosh. That’s adorable. That’s so adorable. Seriously? I want to be the best man at your wedding. I already know what color tux Logan will be wearing. I was thinking a deep brown tie, to go with the eyes, and maybe a purple undershirt--” Roman started. He was interrupted, his eyes falling on Virgil.

Virgil had sunk in just then, a bag of popcorn and an empty water glass in his hands. “Oh. Hey guys. What’s going on?”

“I’m just planning Logan and Patton’s wedding, that’s all,” Roman said, dreamily. His eyes were glazed over in that way that he only gets when he’s completely zoned out, making some creatively elaborate scheme to get things exactly the way he wanted.

“Very funny,” Virgil said. He walked by the sink, turning on the tap. The water glass slowly filled up.

“I’m not joking,” Roman said. Virgil looked up.

“Yes you are.”

“I’m not,” Roman said. Virgil’s eyes went to Patton. Patton, who was sitting there completely dazed, the look in his eyes the exact same one in Roman’s. Virgil’s cup began to overflow. He faintly felt the water running over his hand, but he wasn’t paying attention.

“No. No, you’re not. Leave Logan alone. He’s going through some stuff, I don’t think--”

“No, surely! When I’m upset, the one thing I need is a little loving to go around. Why wouldn’t Logan be the same way?” Roman said. “Besides, look at little Patton! He’d love that. Wouldn’t you, Patton?”

“Yeah,” Patton said, a smile spreading across his face. “Yeah.”

“You’re just being a Debbie Downer, Virgil. You’ll see. Patton, you’re gonna ask Logan out. And I’m gonna help you,” Roman said. He pulled an arm around Patton, staring off into the distance again. Virgil looked between them. Roman was speaking as if he was taking on a challenge instead of trying to understand a person. This was bad. This was going to be very, very bad.

“Roman, I don’t know if this is a good idea…” It was like neither Patton nor Roman could hear him. Virgil took a deep breath, finally turning off the tap.

After planning for what felt like forever, he was finally going to do it. He was finally going to ask Logan out. It was perfect. He’d been by himself all day, working on some schedule or plan for Thomas. While Logan was gone, Patton, Roman, and Virgil got to work.

There was streamers hanging from the ceiling-- blue, black, and a pale grey, to symbolize the both of them. A vase of blue roses sat on the top of the table. Patton gave those a second look over, turning to Roman. “What did you say the meaning of blue roses was, again?”

“I don't know, I don’t speak horticulture. Why don’t you ask Logan once he becomes your boyfriend? That’s more his area of expertise,” Roman said. He was adding finishing touches to the streamers, too busy to look down at Patton. “I just bought blue because, you know, Logan.”

Virgil was leaning against the doorway to the kitchen, looking over the whole setting with disapproval. Blue roses. Unrequited love, caution, and the unattainable. Sounds like a recipe for disaster.

“Are you sure he’ll like the cake? I’m not even sure if he’s a vanilla or chocolate person. What if he picks the wrong one because it’s a different flavor? I mean, of course, everyone likes chocolate, but he strikes me as a vanilla person. Is that okay? Is vanilla good?” Patton said. He was worrying. He had straightened the flowers at least ten times already.

Roman hopped off the chair he’d stood on to fix the streamers, looking over the room with a smile on his face. Yes, this was his best decoration attempt so far. He’d done something so similar on Virgil’s birthday, just a lot more emo with some Nightmare Before Christmas undertones. He’d absolutely loved it. So much that he’d cried!

(That wasn’t why he’d cried.)

“Wait, ssh! Turn the lights off, he’s coming!” Roman said. Virgil slid the lights off, sinking down. He couldn’t watch this.

Logan was dead tired. He’d spent all night trying to figure out to schedule. It was Roman’s fault, really. He wanted to do everything. And Patton, too. He was so unwilling to stop helping someone. This entire month was nonstop, between filming for new videos, new skits, new friends to keep up with and new goals to hopefully reach. Everything was a whirlwind and Logan didn't think he could take it. He rubbed a hand to his temple, taking off his glasses. When he looked up, he noticed something was off.

Specifically, the lights. The lights were off.

“What?” He murmured to himself, glancing towards the ceiling. Was Thomas asleep? It was three o’clock in the afternoon. Logan knew Sleep was kind of a drama hound, but at least he usually left the lights on in the commons. Was something wrong?

Logan walked into the dining room, looking for the source of the blackout. Perhaps there was a storm, Florida was known for that. Wow, Logan was too tired to deal with this right now. Perhaps he should corral the other sides, if there really was an emergency than he’d need to--

“Surprise!”

Logan jumped back, immediately thrown from his thoughts. The lights flicked back on, and Logan could’ve sworn he’d heard Princey’s laughter over his shoulder. “Patton. What are you doing here? Why were the lights off?”

Patton gestured to a set of two cupcakes with a smile on his face. Logan leaned in closer, noticing writing on the two.

“Well! Sit down!” Patton said. Logan did as instructed, sitting in front of the cupcakes. One of them had chocolate icing, and the word “NO” was written in all capital letters and red piping. The other was completely covered in rainbow sprinkles and vanilla icing, and had a swoopy, pink “Yes” written in what looked like Roman’s handwriting.

“Patton, you are aware it is not my birthday,” Logan said. Patton playfully rolled his eyes.

“Of course I’m aware, Logie!”

“Don’t call me that.”

“I actually wanted you here to ask you something,” Patton said. It was only then that Logan noticed the streamers, the vase of blue roses.

Blue roses. Unrequited love. Uh oh. Logan’s stomach sank.

“I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. You’re very special to me, Logan. And, I know, everyone’s special to me, but you stand out in a different way. You’re beautiful. Everything that you can think, the way you see situations, the way you work yourself to the bone and carry those little note cards… It’s adorable. You’re adorable! And from the conversations we’ve had, I think… I’m letting myself think that you feel the same way about me. And so, Logan Sanders,” Patton said, his heart beating a million miles a minute, “Will you go on a date with me?”

Logan looked back down at the cupcakes. Patton was sitting there, barely able to breathe. This was it. This was the second he’d been waiting for. Either Logan would pick yes and they’d branch out on a wonderful, respectful, beautiful relationship where they’d never ever fight (surely!) or he’d pick no. Patton didn’t know what he’d do if Logan picked no.

Patton studied his face, wondering what on earth could be going through that magnificent mind of his. He was staring. Patton’s heart rate sped up. Uh-oh. He was staring for a long time. Completely blank faced. His eyes were scanning the two cupcakes, looking between them. Patton thought he could just die, right there and then.

Until Logan slowly, ever so slowly, reached down. He picked up the vanilla “Yes” cupcake, taking a very small bite.

“Yes!” Patton shouted. He jumped from his seat, pulling Logan into a hug. Logan dropped the cupcake, eyes wide.

Logan left the room a short while later, his face still completely blank. He noticed Virgil sink in out of the corner of his eye. Logan made it his mission to avoid him.

“Logan. Did you just do what I think you just did?” Virgil said. Logan wiped at the corners of his mouth, making sure there wasn’t any stray vanilla icing.

“Perhaps,” Logan said.

“Logan. We talked about this.”

“I refuse to make Patton unhappy. He already deals with enough based on Thomas’s own emotion, as well as the struggles he puts himself through. He needs a break, and I am happy to give myself to that.”

“No, Logan. What you’re giving him is someone who can’t feel like he feels. We talked about this. You know, I’ve never seen you cry before, but when you came to me, and I showed you that word, and you felt like you finally fit in… Logan. You’re ar-”

“That’s enough,” Logan said. He brushed past Virgil, his jaw tight. “I am a grown man, Virgil. I am capable of making my own decisions.” With that, he walked up the stairs towards his room, not even giving Virgil a second glance. Virgil slowly rubbed a hand over his forehead. This was going to be complicated.

Surely enough, it was already growing complicated.

“Do you think he’s avoiding me? I mean, it’s kind of weird, after I asked him out he’s just been completely buried in his room all of the time,” Patton said. Roman laughed.

“Patton! You’re forgetting who you’re dealing with. Logan’s always in his room. He loves to work, and he does nothing but work sometimes. That’s why it’s so good that he’s with you! You’ll help him out of his comfort zone. And you know what?” Roman said. “You should plan that date for tonight. I’m sure he could use a breather.”

Virgil eyed them from the sofa. It wasn’t his spot to intervene, and yet…

“Ooh! I know! Makeover time!” Roman said. “Follow me, I have the perfect suit…”

Patton showed up to Logan’s door about a half hour later. True to Roman’s word, he did have the perfect suit, and it was almost tailored to fit him. It was a simple black, with a navy blue tie he might have stolen from Logan’s collection. Patton didn’t want to ask.

His fist hovered over the door. He was so nervous, for some reason. He had to keep reminding himself that this was actually Logan who he was dealing with. He’d known Logan for all of his life. He couldn’t pinpoint the time where his feelings towards him changed. It was like he was hit by Cupid’s arrow, and yet he couldn’t imagine a life without Logan in it.

Patton finally gathered up the courage, opting to just swing open Logan’s door instead. He spotted Logan, curled over his laptop, with green, grey, and yellow on the screen. Some flag, maybe? Either way, he’d certainly caught Logan off guard. He slammed his laptop shut, quickly, turning to face Patton. Immediately he knew Logan was exhausted. Just from one look at him he could tell. He had dark circles under his eyes, his glasses were slightly tilted, and it just looked like he hadn’t had proper sleep in forever. His tie was missing.

Patton found it immensely endearing.

“Oh, Logan! When was the last time you had sleep? We need to have another Disney marathon. Just you and me, curled into the couch. But not tonight! I was actually wondering,” Patton said. He took a deep breath. “I was wondering if you wanted to go out to dinner. With me.”

Logan did not even hesitate. “Oh, yes. Would the others be in attendance?” He said. Patton gave him a quiet look, tilting his head.

“Lo. Sweetie. It’s a date!” Patton said with a smile. He watched Logan closely. He was pulling the same face he was when Patton had asked him out the first time. He was dazed, and his eyes were glazed over, staring at one spot on the floor. Maybe this was how Logan showed his emotions. Patton always knew they were different! And yet--

Logan stood up abruptly, shaking Patton from his thoughts. “Let me find my tie,” he said. His face was still zoned out. Patton gave him a small smile, leaving the room.

Huh. Something didn’t feel right.

Logan emerged from his room wearing his typical polo, tie, and dark wash jeans. Patton was thinking something a little fancier, but he knew better than to say that. Gosh, he was so excited! It would just be him and Logan, a candlelit dinner in a fancy restaurant. He couldn’t wait.

He walked with Logan down the stairs, a grin stretching over his face. Roman was standing in his corner, watching them with an equal grin.

“You two are so adorable! I feel as a mother does, sending her children off to their senior prom. Oh, wait, should we take pictures?”

Logan’s face was completely passive. He once again noticed Virgil from his peripherals, watching him from the shadows. He turned his head back to Roman, wiping the thought from his mind. This was for Patton.

Overall, the date was kind of fun. They had flutes of champagne, and Patton had allowed Logan to go on a tangent about the history and origin of the particular type they drank. They talked about everything, disagreed about some things, and agreed over others. To Logan, it felt as if he was simply spending time with Patton, not a date of any sort. Or, perhaps, was this how all dates went? Logan wouldn’t know.

He did try to kiss Patton at the door in front of his bedroom. That was what was supposed to be done, yes? And yet. His lips felt like gravel and he thought, momentarily, that he was going to vomit. It did not matter. This was for Patton.

This sort of thing became more frequent. After the first date, there was a second. A third. Before Logan knew it, they had been dating for months.

Every time they were together, Roman would gush and squeal and talk about how they were going to get married one day. The thought made Logan slightly nauseous. He kept seeing Virgil from the corner of his eye, and that made him even more nauseous yet. He trusted Virgil with that information, and while he understood that Virgil would not spread it, he knew that he would never let him live it down.

One particular date stood out from the rest. Patton had proposed that they attend some trampoline park (of course Patton had asked him on a date, Logan hadn’t planned a single date to this day.) Everything was a bright orange and contrasting deep blue, and the ground between the trampolines was a soft, squishy mat. Patton was practically bouncing on the balls of his feet.

“Is something wrong?” Logan said, sticking his admission sticker onto his shirt. The worker had asked that he remove his tie, and he felt strange without it.

“I’m just nervous, that’s all. Are we sure these will support us?” Patton had his cat cardigan pulled over his blue polo, the tiny folds of the collar sticking over the hoodie.

“Of course,” Logan said. He took Patton by the hand, dragging him towards the nearest trampolines. He pulled him onto the square across from him, still holding him by his hand. “The springs follow three simple rules-- most know them as Newton’s Laws. It also details the conservation of energy, using the formula of one half mass times volume squared. So if you jump up,” Logan said, letting go of Patton’s hand to jump, “you always come back down. And the trampoline will surely catch you.”

Patton was looking at him with the stars in his eyes. He paused for a second, opening and closing his mouth. “I… Logan. I love you.”

Oh.

Oh no.

Patton noticed Logan’s face zone out, the same way he did when he first asked him out, when they had their first kiss. Maybe this was just how he showed that he loved Patton back! Surely!

“I love you, too,” Logan said. His tone was low, his eyes were downcast. The words felt like styrofoam on his tongue.

That’s where it all started going downhill.

After that date, everything was different. Patton would hover around Logan constantly, always telling him he loved him at every available moment. Logan said it back, every time, but each time he said it it hurt him more.

Patton was making food in the kitchen. Logan was sitting on the couch. “I love you.” “I love you, too.” Patton asked him to pass the remote. Logan obliged. “I love you.” “I love you, too.” Patton so much as left the room. Logan stayed behind. “I love you.” “I love you, too.” It never ended. It never ended, did it?

Patton wasn’t quite sure what was wrong, but it was clear that something was bothering Logan. He became less infatuated with his work, as he usually was, and started doing things like watching a ton of TV. He’d even stopped reading as much, which was an odd sight. But the worst part? He was becoming kind of bristly towards Patton.

True, Logan always rolled his eyes at Patton’s puns, but it was suddenly like Logan rolled his eyes at everything Patton did. Every question he answered gruffly and bluntly, and it was confusing. Patton didn’t like it.

That’s when the little things that Logan always did started to grow on Patton’s nerves. He always left the dishes in the sink. He never once bothered to wash them. And, like. Who did he think did that? Would they just magically disappear? To make things worse, it kind of felt like he was getting the cold shoulder. He was frustrated with him not helping out, but…

Being Patton, he wouldn’t say anything.

“Thomas! Buddy, what’s up with you?” Thomas looked up from the show he was watching, looking over to see Joan on the other end of the couch.

“What do you mean?”

“You’re just not following your schedule, like, at all. How many breaks have you took today?”

“Um. Six? I think? No, wait, this is number seven.”

“You’re not acting like yourself. Your logic’s faulty. Where’s Logan, is he okay up there?” Joan said with a chuckle. “I’m just pulling your leg. You know I love those fictional guys with all my heart.”

“Yeah,” Thomas said, forcing a similar laugh. “Fictional.”

If it was even affecting Thomas, you know it was bad. Virgil was nowhere to be seen, spending hours upon hours in his room. Roman was on the complete opposite of that, nervously ticking and complaining about nothing getting done. Even Patton noticed himself making some snide remarks. Logan, being Logan, didn’t get the sarcasm and figurative language. You’d think, being Logic, he’d understand.

Patton walked into own his room one day amidst all that was going on. Logan was sitting on his bed, a mug of coffee in his hand. Just from one look at him he could tell he was exhausted. He had dark circles under his eyes, his glasses were slightly tilted, and it just looked like he hadn’t had proper sleep in forever. His tie was missing.

“Really, Logan? Again?” Patton said. This was the third time this week. He stayed up late, only slept in Patton’s bed half the time, and was strangely missing at odd hours. It was driving him crazy.

“If you had issue with my escapes, I would figure you would have told me by now,” Logan said. He took a long sip of his coffee, his eyes zoned out.

“Told you? Logan, I’ve done everything short of saying that word for word. Do you really have that much trouble with language cues?”

“Don’t ask me questions before I finish my coffee,” Logan said. Patton scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“Yeah, so don’t ask you questions ever. What is up with you lately? You’re being weird.”

“Oh, what? Are you just going to proceed to tell me you love me twenty-seven times in a row? Don’t speak to me of weird. It’s absurd, Patton. You’re being absurd,” Logan said. He moved to stand up, still groggy from the morning.

“I’m being absurd? Excuse me?” Patton said. His voice was rising.

“You’re nothing but absurd! All you ever do is purely logicless, going with every whim in your heart. You’re beginning to affect Thomas.”

“No,” Patton said. “No no no. You’re the one affecting him. You heard Joan. And they’re always right. Beanie of truth, remember?”

“Wow, bringing up another joke in the middle of a serious conversation. Can’t say I’m surprised,” Logan said. Patton made a small noise of offense, his hands curling into fists.

“Logan, you aren’t listening!”

That’s when events unfolded to where they were now. The broken mug. Patton’s broken heart.

Logan didn’t love him.

“Oh-- Patton. Patton, I’m so sorry,” Logan said, but by then it was too late. Patton felt himself begin to cry, hot streams falling down his cheeks.

“Do you mean that?” He choked out. It was like he, suddenly, could barely breathe.

“I… I didn't want you to find out like this,” Logan said. Another sob fell from Patton’s lips. God, he couldn’t believe this was happening. He really hadn’t loved him this whole time? And yet… Patton had poured so much of himself into this. In part of his own heart and Roman’s fantasies, he’d actually allowed himself to think they had a future. He could almost picture Logan standing at the altar, but now? It was gone. It was all gone.

“I’m so sorry,” Logan said. He opened his arms, and invitation that could easily be refused. Patton fell forward, letting himself collapse in Logan’s arms. “I’m so sorry Patton. It wasn’t fair for me to do that to you. I… I want to be your friend, Pat.” He rocked Patton in his arms, let him bury his head into his chest. He could feel his tears. “If I’m honest with myself, I think that’s all we should have been in the first place. You mean the world to me, you really do, and I couldn’t bear to part with you. But love? I… I’m so sorry, Patton, but I don’t think I can.”

Patton looked up. There was confusion in his eyes. There was hurt. But if Logan looked close enough, he could see a semblance of acceptance.

One word sat silently on Logan’s tongue.

It went unspoken.

Aro.

244 notes · View notes