#oh yeah my bf he only has a handful of irl friends but he does talk about his Tumblr Mutuals all the time. LIKE. NOBODY WANTS THAT.

[acasternaut]

i think i will maybe be single forever. but thats because i cant really imagine someone putting up with or even loving the things about me that i feel are annoying or abnormal. like.

oh yeah my boyfriend he only ever wants to watch one tv show and when we do watch it hes going to say the lines and talk through the whole episode about how he feels like the characters used to actually be friends and felt like more realistic bad people and not caricatures of themselves. he has talked about this exact topic every single other time we have watched this show. sometimes he'll show me youtube videos but he has to say all the words along with those too. what do i like about him? hes funny i guess

[mystech-master]

F/GO High School/Modern AU BS

Me and @rex101111 have been talking about a modern/HS AU ft. as many Chaldean servants as possible. Here are the ideas we came up with (I am pretty much cut and pasting our message convo, so this is a mixture of both me and Rex's ideas):

Gil is the douchbag Senior everyone hates but his dad owns the school or whatever so he can do whatever he wants. The only decent person who willingly hangs out with him is his childhood friend Enkidu who's hoping he can un-douch his bro. He has kid Gil as his little brother and Caster Gil as his older bro who both agree that he sucks (Gil is the loser middle child of the family), Caster Gil wonders what Enkidu sees in his shit head brother. "He's too good for you." "Blow it out your ass." "One day he's going to wise up, see how much of a shit you are, and when you're all alone don't come crying to me." Caster Gil is in college studying political science, Kid Gil goes to a fancy boarding school. Archer Gil goofs off and throws parties

Scathach is a swimming class teacher, mainly b/c I recall underwater training being a part of Cu's regiment under her tutelage. People were jealous of the Cus for like two seconds when they find out the swim teacher is their mom, then they see her having them do an extra twenty laps and ignoring when OG Cu starts floating in the water. "CU DIED!" "YOU'RE NOT HUMAN!" while Scathach is like "you have two seconds to stop playing around before I ACTUALLY drown you" and he's back to doing laps.

Yeah with 4-5 Cus (if you count Setanta from Arcade) that is like 5 brothers.

Nightingale as school nurse, she is friends with Asclepius who works at a hospital associated with the school (strictly professional, but the students think otherwise).

Side note, keep in mind you can have multiple servants be the same type of teacher, just for different classes/grades.

King Hassan is the old Religious History teacher. Every one thinks he's older then the rock is the school is made out of. He has a scary face and a scarier voice but most students consider him the most fair and patient teacher in the whole school. He always gets a lot of food gifts before Ramadan form the students. (A few students, such as the Guda twins and Mash, call him gramps.) The other Hassans are his grandkids, like actual grandkids. He's super strict with them because he expects a lot from them. He always praises them when they do well though. He made sure they ALL got into his class and they've been living in fear ever since. They love their grandpa but by Allah they know not to disappoint him. The only one to ever get out of anything is kid Hassan (one of the hundred face). Cursed Arm is oldest, then Asako (the main hundred face), then Serenity.

"I am very disappointed in ALL of you, have you all lost your heads? I swear I-*to kid Hassan*-ah no Habibi not you you're fine here have a candy-*back to the rest*-I KNOW you're better than this!"

VERY traditional guy, Cursed Arm mutters "Oh for God's sake" while doing a pop quiz and King Hassan looms over him and growls, "No Blaspheming In This Class Room"

For the various Artoria/Arturias, I imagined Lancer and Lancer Alter being sisters, so Saber Alter is a cousin. That leaves everyone else to just be sisters with one brother. Mother Lartoria owns a casino and gas her own yacht in reference to the summer event where she became a Ruler. If you want MHX could be a part of the family as a massive fucking Star Wars nerd. MHXX and MHX Alter are her mom and sister (so MHXX is a third sister for the two Lancer Artorias)

For Irisviel, I remember in one of the Nero Fest things that she was called Therapist Iri. Maybe she starts to get into that b/c she wants to help her adoptive son Shirou (instead of a big fire like in Zero it can be an orphanage fire thing, similar situation but a much smaller scale) , so she is the school therapist/psychiatrist. Like Maruki in P5 Royal.

Iskandar died in his 30s, Waver is around his 30s as Lord El Melloi II. The two are old college friends who still hang out and Alexander is Iskandar’s kid.

If you guys want you can see this as the two being gay dads since I know that ship is popular.

Fran had an abusive father before Babbage and Moriarty got involved. In the og story, Frankenstien has a scientific mindset like his creator, here Fran has a talent in the field, but she also hates it b/c it reminds her of him. Like imagine being talented at the thing your abusive parent was good at/known for. Moriarty tried to get it into her that SHE'S the one with the talent, not her college dropout bum of a father, "From you tell me of him Victor couldn't engineer his way out of an argument with a cat, you have a magnificent mind my dear, not letting it flourish to spite him would be a horrible waste...it's your talent, your skill. Not his." He smiles that smile she loves that scares every one but she knows he only smiles like that when he is absolutely convinced of something, "and you can out perform him without breaking a sweat."

Moriarty teaches Fran sign language while Babbage teaches her some engineering.

Jekyll is going for a major in medicine with a minor in law (in the actual irl story Dr. Jekyll was a doctor in medicine and law).

For science associated servants, you got da Vinci, Babbage, Edison, and Tesla as possible science teachers.

The Jeanne sisters. Without the Avenger BS, the reason Jalter (or Joan as one series of fics calls her) could hate her here is just inferiority complex and being compared to her perfect saint big sister all her life. Joan does have her talents, based on the summer event an, but again she doesn't acknowledge her own talent b/c of her always being compared to her older sister., in the 7 counterfeit events she is a really good artist. And it is the typical thing of Jeanne actually being scared out of her wits of being less than perfect because of all the expectations thrust on her. She gets one A- and runs to the bathroom crying and Joan has to swallow her pride and actually have a conversation with her sister for the first time in years. Jeanne Alter lily puts up Christmas decorations super early, much to Jeanne Alter/Joan's displeasure.

"IT JUST TURNED NOVEMBER CHILL TF OUT!"

"CHRISTMAS!"

Martha is Jeanne's BF since middle school and has this HUGE dog that scares everyone and growls at anyone expect Martha and Jeanne. She calls him Terry.

Rex loves Penthesilea. and we talked at length about the situation between her and Achilles. Can you not tell that he likes a woman who can kick his ass *gestures to all of his Baiken posts*

Rex's idea: I think they had a fight when they were little and Achilles, being a little shit back then, made fun of her for being a girl, and Penth has been sore about it ever since. She keeps running into big misogynistic meatheads that reminded her of that and she just got angrier over the years. She's a wrestler and can knock out just about every dude in school by herself. Achilles is very regretful about back then and wants to apologize but Penth ain't having any of it.

My idea: I thought they were on opposing HS sports teams and when Achilles handed her ass to her he forgot to drink his respect women juice and then Penth got all pissed.

In this AU, Penth and Hippolyta's dad was a general who taught them how to kick the ass of men twice their size since they were seven or something.

Penth surprises everyone when a festival comes up and she gets picked to be the one to organize everything...and does a spectacular job. Another surprise is that she plans on being a business major when she goes to college (Obligatory Amazoness CEO jokes)

Bedivere is the Arturia Pendragon family butler with a prosthetic arm. He's also the security guard, last guy that tried to steal something or cause trouble got slapped right out of the window he sneaked in from.

Francis Drake and Artoria Alter Lancer are work friends (referencing them both being associated with the Wild Hunt in F/GO's lore).

Beni-Enma is the short and shorter tempered lunch lady, last kid who mouthed off at her during lunch got smacked upside the head with her spoon. She's sweet, but if you're in detention and have to help her in the kitchen she's a mini Gorden Ramsey, "IT'S RAW DECHI!!!" She can also come into the home EC class where Shirou is her best student. Also her roasting of the other girls like in her quest. Getting Fs in Beni's class is the worst, because it isn't just an F, it's a meticulous dressing down of exactly why letting into a kitchen should be considered a war crime, dechi.

The three Avenger Nobus are three different people. 1st Ascension is basically Archer Nobu, then you got Oda Kipposhi, and then the mom is Ascension 3 with Demon King Nobunaga. The youngest Ascension 1 Nobu is a musician. Demon King Nobu is one of those "super scary but also super polite people that only makes them scarier" type, basically a female koei Nobunaga from samurai warriors (check out some cutscenes form the games with him, he's a treat).

Imagine Demon King Nobu mom in a business suit.

Suzuka Gozen and Sei Shonagon are the textaholics who always talk in slang to the point of it sounding like they speak a different language. Murasaki is the librarian but Sei is like that ONE student who just makes her job so much harder.

Every week it's "No phones in the library Miss Shonagon." while Sei rolls her eyes and types out twitter post like "fugly ol librarian at my school needs a life lol"

Oui Katsushika is a gifted art student, and her dad (not a floating little octopus), is just a normal dude with a squid/octopus like beard. She's the teacher's pet in De Vinci's art class.

Eresh and Ishtar come from a rich family, Ereshkigal is the older sister so she had a shit load of responsibility to take over the family business while Ishtar basically gets to party her life away. Rin is the cousin they each try and swing their way. Eresh wants Rin to keep up her studies and get into a good university, Ishtar wants Rin to loosen the fuck up and admit that she likes that scrawny Emiya kid already.

BB is the host of a talk show downtown so she is kind of an absentee mom. Meltryllis has prosthetic legs that she specifically asked to be made into stilts b/c she wanted to be taller, and Passonlip has a massive rack that makes life difficult (either people staring, people assuming she's gonna be a home wrecker b/c said staring must be intentional, etc.), and of course he also has prosthetic arms to match her canon claws, obviously not as massive.

Hijikata is a very serious police officer but his wife Carmilla just uses this to have fun in the bedroom. They have two Dobermans. Hijikata's route has him patrolling near the school so most of the kids know as that scary police dude that has a picture of his wife in his pocket. One day a famous Idol called Eli-chan~ (yes spelled with the ~) is about to perform in the town and the kids can't stop talking about her, so Hijikata overhears. But, being the serious dude he is he shrugs it off until he sees a picture of this "Eli-chan~" and realizes it's his sister-in-law that came to visit and suddenly the influx of parasitic paparazzi near his house start making sense.

Carmilla: "Now you see why I hate them?", Hijikata: "No you cannot send the dogs after them honey."

She almost ran one of them over in her, very expensive, car and when that reporter says she should be locked up Hijikata corrects that would only happen if she had hit him...and she would be fined. For littering.

Okita Alter being Hijikata's partner, while Okita is her younger sister who's looked up to Hijikata since she was a little kid but she has asthma and such so she's afraid she might not get accepted.

Sigurd owns a metalworks shop (referencing his myth where he was raised by the dwarf Reginn), he met his wife Brynhildr when she was disowned by her overly controlling father.

Ozymandias, Nitocris, and Cleopatra are all the high board members of a company. Nitocris specifically got wind of Scheherazade's abusive husband situation and after getting said husband arrested, she offered Scheherazade a job.

Atalanta is a college student/TA who worked with Achilles' dad who ends up at their HS for a program or something, Achilles' dad has told him a lot about her.

Amakusa Shirou is an uncle married to the CEO of Babylon Gardens Pharmaceuticals, Semiramis. Semiramis herself is kinda chill if REALLY scary. She had to be pretty cutthroat to get to her position in the company, but Amakusa Shirou helped her mellow out, but she is still a massive tsundere.

"You know you COULD poison their lunch." "Semi, dear, I'm not going to poison my coworker's sandwich for being an ass." "It wouldn't kill them! Just a bit in their peanut better and they'll be stuck on the toilet for a week, no harm no foul."

Rex initially said Taiga would be an overly enthusiastic gym teacher but then I remembered that she was a homeroom/English teacher in Fate canon, but either or can do if you wanna be unique.

For Quetzalcoatl, Wrestling club supervisor when she isn't the senior year gym teacher. Some of the male students laughed that they didn't think a woman would know anything about wrestling. Two piledrives later, the students have earned a new appreciation for the importance on how not to be two pieces of shit. She's big on Lucha as in canon and during Halloween she gets JAGUARMAN to have an exhibition fight with her. They make a show of it but later on Taiga admits that Quatz could have CRUSHED her if they were actually fighting. She takes the wrestling club out for homemade Mexican food after tournaments

For Siduri, there's a bunch of rumors she's dating Caster Gil but it's strictly professional, Caster respects her too much to consider that. Archer Gil hits on her relentlessly, she manages to wound his ego more severely then anyone else simply by being unfailingly polite in her rejections and treating him like what he is, a teenage punk jumping higher than he can handle to land.

Ibaraki is Shuten's adoptive little sister after she was taken from an abusive mother, hence why Ibaraki looks up to her. Ibuki is either Shuten's big sister who had to take on a guardian role, or just her mom. Shuten and Ibuki have a bit of a strained relationship because Shuten saw the way Ibuki acted as they grew up, taking more and more responsibilities onto herself and refusing any distractions. And she decided that her biggest nightmare is to wake up one morning and realize she's turned into Ibuki so she tries to do everything to avoid that, hence their relationship not being the best. Ibaraki is kinda stuck in the middle because she wants to side with Shuten but she sees where Ibuki is coming from. Messy.

Caren is still Kotomine’s daughter, but he isn’t a good dad and in rebellion she sleeps around despite being a woman of god. Including sleeping with local punk Angra Mainyu. Angra Mainyu seems like a bad guy but he has a shit load of issues due to being blamed for everything going wrong in his old town, eventually coming to believe them and thinking he will cause nothing but problems. Caren banging him gives him a type of closeness he’s never felt, but under very warped circumstances.

For the Tamamo family, Vitch totally fucked her way up a corporate ladder or something, imagined Tamamo Cat working at a Cat Cafe if she were a Student. Tamamo no Mae accidentally fed her prev BF a food he was allergic too, and that kind of haunted her and scared her rep. IDK basically she seriously fucked up a previous relationship, either on purpose or accidentally, and that kind of hurts her deeply so she wants to start over with Hakuno.

Nero and Tamamo no Mae are rivals over this one guy.

Kiichi Hougen is the adoptive mom, Benkei is the family friend/uncle, Taira is Ushiwaka's older sister. Taira isn't on the best of terms with her family, some drama way back caused a rift and nowadays Ushi is the only one who's willing to talk to her and visit. Benkei never lets her go alone because he doesn't trust Taira one bit. Taira and Ushiwaka are Kintoki and Tomoe's cousins (I say Tomoe b/c apparently her husband and Ushiwaka were half cousins, with their grandpa having kids with their grandmas. I tried to make a whole family tree out of a few servants).

These are the ideas we had the most to talk about, if you guys have any suggestions for your fav servants in this AU, let either me or Rex know. Or just reblog and say them here. Who knows maybe you have a much better idea for a Servant we already mentioned.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #456

“i don’t even need your love, but you treat me like a stranger, & that feels so rough”

What was the longest time you’ve had the hiccups for? I know at LEAST over an hour. I was in agony. What type of TV shows are your favourite? Animal docs. Have you ever been a complete fangirl/fanboy over anything? Bitch I still am lmao. Do you know anyone who has died in battle? No. When was the last time you went on an adventure? Bro, I could NOT tell you. I haven't had one of those in what feels like eons. What brand is your vacuum cleaner? I actually don't know. I don't pay attention. Are you good at rapping? Never tried, but I'm sure I'd be awful. I stutter too much. Name one world issue that upsets you. Just ONE????????? Well, I can name homelessness as very high on the list. How do you feel about tanning? I hate it. I can't stand the heat, so why would I deliberately go bake in it? Have you ever given a public speech? Yeah, in front of the whole 4th and 5th grade when I was innnn... one of those grades, idr which. It was for my D.A.R.E. essay. Do you read comic books? No. Do you force your way into conversations in which you are not involved? NOOOOOOOOOOO I'm way too awkward. Kiss with your eyes open or closed? Bro who tf kisses with their eyes open, that shit is creepy. Do you believe you can change someone? No. One can only change themselves. How did you react when your first pet died? I have no memory of our first pet. Have you ever drawn anime? No. Can you use a pogo stick? When I was a kid, I became a MASTER. I got one for I want to say Christmas and I was obsessed. When’s the next time you’ll see the person that you like? Idk, first he needs to get on Facebook and see I messaged him alsdkfjalkdj. He like never gets on there. Do you like bathing/showering? No. One, it's a chore, and two, it's actually painful for me, standing up so long and propping my legs up and stuff like that to clean myself properly. Have you ever considered entering a race? HEEEEEEEEEEELL no. Rihanna or Lady Gaga? Probably Gaga, idk. Who was your first good kiss with? Jason. What accessory do you want in your bedroom? I actually kinda want a TV now? What do you take the most pictures of? Flowers. What are you always in the mood for? Lately, Krispy Kreme donuts, lol. I haven't had one in a very long time, but goddamn does a hot glazed donut sound BANGIN' right now and has for days. What is something that you never turn down? Hm... how am I blanking??? What is something that you always turn down when offered? Certain foods or drinks, like tea. Name something sexy about your significant other. I don't have one'a those. What is one of your hobbies that you refuse to give up? Um, idk. As interests work, I may move away from any hobby eventually. If you could be a professional in any sport what would it be? Dance. If you could be a professional at any instrument what would it be? Violin. Would you rather be a surgeon or mortician? A mortician. That job doesn't even seem all that bad to me? I think it'd be kinda chill somehow???? I could NEVER be a surgeon. I'd be terrified of fucking something up. Have you ever been on a subway? No. Are you in love? No. Do you like having your lip softly bitten when you’re kissing? *eyes emoji* Do you want to get married when you’re older? Yes. What was the last band shirt you wore? PROBABLY my Metallica shirt? But I'm unsure, ultimately. You can have a milkshake right now. What flavor do you choose? Ugh, I've been wanting a nice chocolate milkshake for a while. Have you ever given someone flowers? For Mother's Day one year, I collected some wildflowers to put in a jar for Mom. I've also given Jason roses before. I really wanted to give Sara some when I surprised her for her birthday, but I didn't want to ask her parents to drive me somewhere where I could buy her some, ha ha. What day of the week is usually your busiest day? None. My days are all the same. Do you have any concerts coming up? No, but UGH, I was so hyped a few days ago because I saw Motionless In White was going on tour next year, but of course they're going to the big city on the OTHER end of the state versus the capital, which I'm way closer to. -_- Bands ALWAYS choose Charlotte on the super rare occasion they come to NC... Do you like or hate the smell of fish? Ugh, I hate it. What’s your favorite brand of chips? Doritos, maybe? Between Mountain Dew and those... I am such a fucking gamer stereotype lmfao. Have you ever written a poem and then read it aloud? I think I had to before in school? Idr. Do you like pineapple? Love it. Does your house have a dishwasher? Yes. A dishwasher is one thing I MUST have in my own future house. I cannot stand touching dirty dishes. Do you know anyone who has a flower tattoo? Oh, absolutely. Sunflower tattoos are especially popular around here. How many different languages can you say goodbye in? English, German, and uhhh Spanish? Agree or disagree: You like Adam Sandler movies. I don't mind them. I've never understood the hate, honestly? I think he's capable of being funny. Have you ever had to get a tooth pulled? If so, what for? Only by myself when I was a kid losing my baby teeth. Have you ever dated anyone while they were in jail? Nooooo. If you’ve ever babysat, do you like it? Fuck no, I hate it. What is your favorite flavor on sunflower seeds? I don't like those. Do you get cold easily? No, but I get hot extremely easily. Do you get a lot of spiders in your house? I don't think so, no. Do you admire nature? I positively adore nature. If only we treated it better... Name one naughty thing you’ve done. Done sexual things in places I probably shouldn't have, oops. Name two of your favorite things as a child. Pokemon and Webkinz. Do you own a Pillow Pet? No. They're cute, though. My niece has one. Do you tend to solve problems with violence? Absolutely not. Have either of your parents gone to jail? No. Do you know a hoarder? Yes. Do you wax, pluck, or leave your eyebrows? I just leave 'em be, honestly. Do you have any interesting scar stories? Not really. Do you hate the texture of meatballs? No, I love me some meatballs. Do you get migraines? Very, very rarely. They fucking suck. Do you like guns? NOOOOOOO guns terrify me alsd;kjfal;sdjfk Are turtles amazing creatures? All animals are. :') How much time do you spend taking surveys? A whole lot. It's just that I'm like... always bored and the randomness of surveys can add interesting little flares to the day, I guess. Would you rather visit: The Eiffel Tower or Egyptian Pyramids? Pyramids, for sure. Would you like to work at a candy shop? No. I don't want to work directly with people. Do you have feelings for someone? It's funny; now that I've settled the extreme indecision, I've come to realize that they're very strong feelings. How you go from being indecisive to really, really liking somebody, hell if I know. Which one of your guy friends is the best looking? Uhhh Girt is like my only real guy friend, so I guess it's by default him, ha ha. I'm not particularly attracted to him, but he's not ugly by any means. Do you have anything to say to your ex bf/gf? I'm so sorry. Which band do you have the most of on your iPod/music player? Either Ozzy or Metallica. Most likely Ozzy, though. Which song describes your mood at the moment? Hm. I dunno. Which movie(s) do you quote the most? None, really. Which one of your best friend’s friends would you most likely date? None; we don't share irl friends, being many states apart, and not even that many online ones. Would you ever let anybody else drive your car? I don't have my own car. Which one of your friends will be the most successful? I'm not psychic. What store did you last shop at? Mom and I picked up a Wal-Mart order the other day. Do you think telepathy is real? Absolutely not. When did you last draw something for fun? A few days ago, I started a drawing of Maieykio for Sara. Who makes the most in your entire family? I have no idea. Do you like writing essays? I don't mind, if the topic interests me. Do you think plastic surgery is no big deal? Nah. Well, I think you can take it to an visual extreme, but that's just my opinion. Do what makes you comfortable in your own body. Do you take your trash to the dump or have it picked up? It's picked up. When you sneeze do you sneeze into your shirt or your hands? The inside of my elbow. Do you usually have sex in the morning, noon or night time? It usually happened at night. Did you ever fail your learners/drivers test? Haven't taken it yet. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne? OH MY GOD NEITHER Name someone you’ve become a lot closer to recently: No one, really? Well, unless you count my change of feelings for Girt, but it's just that: a type of change. I've loved him platonically since high school, and it's like, I feel the same for him, just in a romantic way now? Does your car have a sunroof? No. Are you closer to your mom or your dad? My mom. Have you ever had a friend with benefits? Nope, not how I roll. Who’s the last person you cuddled with? Sara. Unless you count my cat. Are you friends with any of your teachers on Facebook? Former teachers, yes. I feel kinda bad for 'em now... They're all the sweetest, God-fearing people, and then there's my outspoken (online) and liberal ass sharing shit that's gotta disappoint them now lmaoooo.

[mlinkwell]

Model Student (part 1)

Pairing: Johnny Suh x OC/Reader (fem)

Genre: uni!au/bf!au  //  lil angst/lil fluff (smut in future parts)

Word Count: 2.4k

Warnings: strong language, mentions of sex, descriptions of nudity/nude images. This is a work of fiction. Please do not send nude photographs irl. Can go hella wrong.

AN: I just started my senior year of college (holy fuck)! To celebrate, here is *the* Johnny fic that I’ve been hinting at for so long. It’s my first original story on this blog. I’m so excited to continue this angsty ass tale very soon. PS, pairing says OC/Reader because while the protagonist has a name and description, parts from her pov are written in second person.

You moved from your shower to your bedroom, goosebumps appearing on your skin as you move from the small, steam-filled space to your air conditioned bedroom. You shivered ready to pull on some clothes and get in bed. 

You were over the whole school thing before you even got off campus. You knew that you needed to get organized now or you would have a rough month - and probably semester - ahead. However, you wanted nothing more than to call your boyfriend over and lay with him for the first time in weeks. You had let school get in the way of your relationship, and you missed Johnny desperately.

After getting somewhat accustomed to the chill of your room, you took the towel off and used in to squeeze some water from your hair. You moved over to where your phone was charging on your nightstand. You sat on the edge of your bed, careful not to let droplets from your hair soak your sheets. The screen of your phone showed a missed call from Johnny. He had called you during your shower and sent you a text soon after.

Johnny (3:24): Just wanted to chat for a sec. I miss you babe

Johnny (3:24): Busy today?

You smiled to yourself, the reassurance that he missed you too warming your heart. Your smile turned to a sly smirk as you looked at your phone. You couldn’t deny how many ways you missed him, and you were hoping you could get him feeling the same way.

You moved so that your knees were resting on your mattress, wet hair pulled over your shoulders. You took the towel and positioned it over you just so: one hand holding it over the middle of your chest with the rest of it gathered between your thighs. The sides of your breasts, stomach, and waist were still visible, the towel only cover enough to leave him wanting all of you. With your free hand, you held your phone up and away from you, getting as much of your body in the frame as you could. You excluded the top of your face from the image, only allowing him to see the way you bit your lower lip along with the way water dripped down your bare body from your hair. You snapped the picture and sent it to Johnny.

Yena (3:41): Sorry I missed your call. Just got out of the shower.

Yena (3:41): [image]

Yena (3:42): Can we be busy together tonight? I miss you, too

With that, you moved off your bed and to your closet for something to wear. If Johnny wanted to see more, it would have to be in person. You pulled on some underwear and grabbed one of Johnny’s shirts that you’d stolen over a year ago. Before you’d even finished pulling it over your head, you heard your phone ring.

———————————————————————————————————–

Johnny walked up the stairs toward the door, backpack slung lazily over one shoulder. His last professor for the day professor dropping a completely new schedule out of the blue had sent the entire class into panic. Everyone, including Johnny, would have to rework whatever plan they already had for the semester around Dr. Young’s new outline. The walk from his final class to his house seemed miles longer than normal, every step spent trying to figure out when he would even have the time to sit down and accommodate his routine for this new course outline. He was far too exhausted for it to only be the afternoon, but uptight professors had taken a toll on him these past few weeks. He was stressed to say the least.

Not to mention that he’d barely had the time to see the one person he knew would help him keep his head on straight during all the confusion. Johnny already felt too wrapped up in the problem to step back and solve it. Head down and phone in hand, he began typing out a - probably desperate sounding - message as he pulled the front door open.

“Johnny!” His name was shouted as soon as he walked through the door. He looked up to see Yuta sprawled out on a couch in the living room. Yuta sat up as his friend and fraternity brother walked through the door. From Johnny’s posture and the look on his face, Yuta could tell something was wrong.

“Hey, Yuta,” Johnny replied a little less enthusiastically than usual and forced a smile. Yuta watched as Johnny tossed his backpack down and slump into a recliner. He looked at him for a few seconds longer before standing and hitting Johnny’s knee as he passed.

“Are you done for the day?” Yuta asked.

“Yeah,” Johnny breathed out.

“Come eat with me,” Yuta said. “We just got pizza. My treat.”

“Who is we?” Johnny asked as he followed along. He was in a bad mood, but not bad enough to pass up free food.

“Mark, Doyoung, whoever else wanders in before it’s gone,” Yuta explained as he led the way to the kitchen. 

“Give me one sec,” Johnny called to Yuta as he moved towards the stairs. “I’m gonna put my stuff away.”

“Hurry back!” Yuta called back. 

Johnny moved up the stairs and to his room. He carefully took the camera bag in his hand and set in on his desk before less gracefully dumping his backpack on the floor. He took his phone out of his back pocket, looking over the message he began typing out before Yuta’s pizza invite. He changed the wording of his message, however he quickly changed his mind and retyped the old message. He went back and forth between drafts. After landing on his original message again, he decided to delete it and call you instead.

He kept the phone tight in his hand, stress level raising lightly when he was sent to your voicemail. He was thinking of what to say when a loud knock on his door startled him, causing him to promptly hang up.

“Hey!” Yuta said through the door. “Food’s ready. How long does it take to put away your things?”

“I’ll be right there,” Johnny groaned. He shoved his phone back into his pocket as he bound down the stairs to the kitchen. As he made his way in, he found Mark and Doyoung already sitting on the table with a plate of pizza in front of each of them. Yuta was at the counter, loading up a plate for himself. Johnny followed Yuta’s lead, grabbing a few slices of his own before turning to the fridge for a bottle of water. Before he could turn around, Yuta was taking the water out of his hand and replacing it with a beer.

“Yah!” Johnny exclaimed as Yuta closed the fridge and pushed Johnny towards the table.

“You’re done for the day, aren’t you?” Yuta asked with a smirk.

“Just because I’m done with class doesn’t mean I’m done entirely,” Johnny clarified.

“We both know one beer isn’t going to get you too drunk to do your homework,” Yuta rolled his eyes as he settled beside Mark, who had been gushing to Doyoung about some new song he’d discovered. 

Johnny took his pizza and beer and sat next to Doyoung, although he barely chimed into the conversation. He slipped his phone from his pocket, deciding to follow up his phone call with a quick text since he hadn’t left you a voicemail.

Johnny (3:24): Just wanted to chat for a sec. I miss you babe

Johnny (3:24): Busy today?

Every few minutes, he found himself checking his phone to see if you had tried to call him back or answer his texts. Eventually, he accidentally tuned his brothers out entirely, aimless scrolling through social media in the hopes of seeing a notification from you as soon as it popped up. He only looked up to grab his pizza, taking a large bite before returning to flipping idly through his phone.

“Yah. Johnny.”

Johnny looked up from his phone, suddenly confused and embarrassed as all eyes were on him. He moved his gaze from Mark and Doyoung’s stares to the source of the voice. Yuta was sitting across from Johnny, his soft expression in contrast to the loud voice he’d used to get Johnny’s attention.

“What’s going on?” Yuta asked, voice now matching expression.

“Just eating,” Johnny replied. Yuta chuckled softly.

“You know what I mean,” he said. “You’ve seemed down ever since you walked in the door. What’s wrong?”

Johnny sighed, tossing his phone on the table as he tried to find the words to explain what all was troubling him.

“Is it Yena stuff?” Mark blurted out, making all eyes move to him instead. His face turned red as he said, “Sorry, hyung. I, I wasn’t thinking before I said that out loud.”

“Does Mark being an idiot make you feel better?” Doyoung spoke up. The smooth delivery of his comment made Johnny and Yuta burst into laughter and a tomato-red Mark put his head down on the table.

“I mean, he’s totally wrong,” Johnny laughed out lightly. The other three died down their laughter quickly, looking to their friend with concern written across their faces. 

“Oh shit, for real?” Yuta asked.

“I mean, we’re okay I think,” Johnny explained, “We’re not fighting or anything, but I haven’t even seen her enough to argue with her lately.”

“What’s stopping you from seeing her?” Doyoung asked.

“School just hit me really hard the past couple weeks,” Johnny groaned out. “My professors can’t make up their minds on our schedules and now I can barely keep my shit straight from reorganizing my plans.”

“And you’re not getting that stress relief from Yena?” Yuta teased, attempting to lighten the mood with a suggestive eyebrow raise as he tossed back more of his beer.

“Yeah, to be honest,” Johnny muttered loud enough for the others to hear.

“Wait! What?” Mark jerked his head up.

“I mean,” Johnny stretched his words out with a cocked head and a playful shrug. “I haven’t even heard from her today, so we definitely haven’t had time for other things.”

“Woah, woah, hyung,” Mark said through awkward laughter. Beside him, Yuta was almost red with laughter.

“Hey,” Yuta laughed out, “if you’re used to fucking all the time, a few weeks feels like a damn lifetime of celibicy.”

“Yah!” Doyoung interjected. “Stop. Mark’s a baby.”

His teasing only made Mark more embarrassed and the older boys laugh even more. Johnny finished off his pizza and beer, and he moved from his seat to clean his plate in the sink. Yuta slipped his plate in for Johnny to wash, a small fee for free food. Johnny quickly scrubbed down the plates before placing them in the drying rack.

“So, Johnny-hyung,” Yuta turned to Johnny, who was now leaning against the counter with another beer in hand, “why don’t you just, you know, ask Yena if you can..?”

“Nah, you guys told me girls don’t like that,” Mark interjected. “I thought you couldn’t lead with wanting sex because they’ll think that’s all you want from them.”

“They’ve been together for two years!” Yuta quipped. “It’s a little different after you’re committed for this long. They’re both without right now. It’s not like Yena will care.”

“Yeah I don’t think she cares,” Doyoung said, an awkward twinge to his phone. His eyes wide and looking down at Johnny’s phone, the screen illuminated from its place on the table. “Hyung, you, um - you got a text.”

His statement and demeanor drew the attention of the other two at the table. Both sets of fresh eyes went wide, an “oh shit” coming from Yuta’s mouth and a red tinge appearing on Mark’s ears to match Doyoung’s cheeks. Yuta was the first to tear his eyes away, snapping out of whatever trance the boys were in and covering the phone with his hand. “That’s not for us to see.”

“What is it?” Johnny asked as he reached for his phone. Yuta moved his hand away, not daring to look back at the device now that Johnny had come closer. Johnny held the phone up, his notifications displayed despite the locked screen, images included. Taking up most of his screen was a string of messages from you.

Yena (3:41): Sorry I missed your call. Just got out of the shower.

Yena (3:41): [image]

Yena (3:42): Can we be busy together tonight? I miss you, too

In between the two text messages was a photo of you. One hand was holding the camera far enough away to get a full shot of your body, which was only covered by the towel your other hand was pressing to your chest. Wet hair and skin, you were obviously fresh out of the shower when you sent it, and you were obviously just as needy for Johnny as he was for you. 

He would have been wholeheartedly focused on how absolutely breathtaking you were to him, if it weren’t for the fact that you’d taken away the breath of three of his closest friends. He looked back at Yuta, Doyoung, and Mark, all of whom averted their eyes. Johnny could feel a little rage building in him as it sunk in that this is what they’d all stared at far too long. Johnny looked back at his phone, reading your last message again. Can we be busy together tonight?

“You’re all really fucking lucky I don’t have the time to kill you,” Johnny told them, only half-joking, as he walked out of the kitchen and towards his room, calling you as he went.

———————————————————————————————————–

“Hello,” you answered your phone as casually as possible, worried that Johnny would practically hear the teasing smirk plastered on your face if you were too obvious about teasing him upfront.

“Hey, baby,” Johnny’s smooth voice filled your ear. “What, uh - what are you up to?”

“Just got dressed,” you said. You let that statement set it for adding, “I’ll probably start on some assignments in a bit.”

“Same,” Johnny replied, completely ignoring your first comment. “I’ve got some reworking to do to my assignment scheduling.”

“Again?” You asked, genuinely distracted from your little act.

“Again,” he confirmed. “Dr. Young. Again.”

“Well,” you began as you gathered your laptop and notebook and took them to your desk, “Could we work on it together? We don’t have to if you’re too busy, but I really miss you.”

“I miss you, too, baby girl,” Johnny said, the sincerity in his voice making your heart flutter. “Let me gather my stuff up and I’ll be over in a bit.”

“Be safe,” you told him as you opened your laptop, attempting to type with one hand.

“Always,” he assured you. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

[marquis-teren-kiden]

Top 5 moments that really defined your time as an RPer.

[This is an incredibly long post. So, feel free to read it or not as you wish. Blessedly, there is no ‘NSFW’ alert associated with it. Brutal, visceral, and sometimes anguish or feelz inducing commentary, but nothing you can’t have up at work or around the (Grand)babies. So, have at!]

#1. - Beyond the terrible graphics of the games at the time, my first real experience RPing happened when i was nineteen. A friend of mine from school had invited me on leave with her (Yes, it was that kind of education) to her home to get away from the boredom and strictness of our vocational training. I said yes, and while we were off at her place (which, also, was in the woods in the middle of nowhere, but in a different state) she introduced me to her Aunt, who was an avid DM. The woman had accumulated just… man. Volumes in binders of faces and forms of men and women - models, actors, singers, you name it - which she had rated from 1 to 20 for the purposes of allowing players to choose their character’s ‘comeliness.’She had it all. The picture books. All of the (2E) D&D books and supplements. She asked how long I’d been roleplaying, and I said I hadn’t. So, she broke it all down for me. Let me choose from an extensive collection of dice and line-by-line explained the mechanics of the game for me.My first character? A dual-classed Drow Fighter/Ranger. She made an NPC Human Paladin and the story for the background to explain the two of them being a battle couple was easy for me to come up with. She loved it. I killed myself with my own bow, and my own arrow, my first time using it. (I rolled a 1.) and she used the NPC to heal/resurrect my dumb Elf. Best introduction to RP I could offer to anyone, and it was mine.#2. - A Co-Worker asked me if I’d ever RP’d before, and I told him about #1 on the list, which had been five? Six years before. He said he would love to have me for a ‘beefy’ Campaign he was putting together, and after negotiating on the terms and times, I agreed. The Campaign was ridiculous. (Not in a bad way.) Just uber powerful creatures all over the place. So, he required every player to be half-something from the Monster Manual.I made up a Half-Halfling/Half-Celestial and made him a Bard/Psion. While we were at work, I rolled his stats (which were INSANELY GOOD.) And he sat and watched. (The stats were so good that one of the other Players, sitting next to the DM, accused me of cheating, and the DM laughed and said I watched them roll *my* dice. Those are their scores. I laughed crazy hard.) That Campaign about three years, and was insanely good fun. I eventually retired my Half-Celesital as an Avatar of Fharlanghn, the God of Travelers. (My Muse was a Psionic Nomad.) And the GM still phones occasionally to ask me to RP him as an influence on current or on-going campaigns.

#3. - My (now ex-) Boyfriend found out that I was an avid RPer in Guild Wars, and asked me to come RP with him (I think he was jealous of my Muse’s in-game Husband) in World of Warcraft. We rolled up a pair of Druids. But, within a week, two things unexpectedly happened. He got bored of his level 5 Druid and ditched me to go back to his level 54 Warlock. AND I levelled up without him looking for herbs, and on my first trip to Darkshore (Like, level 11 or 12?) I witnessed a pitched PvP Battle between a level 56 Night Elf Hunter and a skull icon (later learned, level 60 Raider) Tauren Warrior. I was Resto and started healing the Hunter. At the time, I had no clue what ‘flagging’ was, or that my Muse could be harmed by doing it. I just wanted to help the guy who looked to be putting up a hell of a fight given the disparity between them. (I assumed the Tauren was just a very powerful mob.) The Hunter won the fight, and greeted me ICly. Introduced himself. Thanked me profusely, and since I’d cobbled together an identity for my Druid before my BF and I had stopped playing together, I just rolled with it. The Hunter eventually became the Druid’s Lifemate.#4 -  The next two are more personal, and as you know (Nerd) Last year was absolutely devastating for me. I lost twenty-six writing partners during a significant IRL series of hardships involving losing my health, which cost me my job, which led to me losing my home, all while trying to take care of my kids and maintain a Guild with a massive storyline. 

The vast majority of the Co-Writers i had at the time were just relentless about wanting and needing to be ‘important’ to the storyline, rather than working together with everyone to solve the puzzles that were laid out. And, I was DMing two or more events each month from my cellphone out of a motel my family was paying for for several months. During that time, I lost two important friends who were RRP Partners for Teren. One due to refusal to communicate at all why they had suddenly started getting angry every time I mentioned RP (even when it wasn’t for Teren) and another who literally just… disappeared. Not just from me. From everything. All without explanation. Of the twenty-six acquaintences/Co-Writers who dipped on me during that SL, those are the two that still haunt me the most, and they are the primary reasons I keep my Writing Circle so small. 

Has their continuing influence on me been positive? No. I don’t think so. Not in the long run. But, has it been powerful? Has it shaped the future of my writing and my relationships with others in/out of character and IRL? Unequivocally. 

#5 - Mister Rogers (Teren, wtf are you going with this?) Mister Rogers once said that when something bad would happen, he would get scared. An accident. A fire. Something worse on the news. His Mother would tell him to “look for the people trying to help. There are always people trying to help. Look for the Helpers.”

At the bottom of the abyss for me, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically - there were people, IRL, OOC and IC, who were genuinely trying to help me. Even when I told them I just wanted to wrap up all of our mutual storylines and walk away from writing - not just Roleplaying, but writing stories at all - they did everything they could to help me. Help me figure out what their Muses needed. Help me figure out what my Muses needed. Helped me connect with strangers to tie up story elements that had disappeared with the people who were abandoning the large-scale Campaign that had been running off of my phone for months on end. 

There were at first a couple. Then a few. Then a handful. Now, there’s a little under a dozen people who have made writing possible for me again. Who stuck with me through all of the terrible shit that made even logging in to Teren’s old account an exhausting, heartbreaking slog. Who eventually helped me heal myself with self-care strategies I’d never needed before, and to give some solid foundation to Teren’s storyline so that - even if I couldn’t save all of my Muses - I could save this one. 

At the beginning of the year, I kicked off this blog, still unsure if it would last a month, or if I would walk away from it after all. Two months, three months in, I still didn’t know the answer. What I did know, is that I was (albeit slowly) getting the desire to write again. I was (slowly) feeling the urge to create again. And I was striving to interact on a level that would allow me to leave if the old warning signs started cropping up, without devastating my Co-Writer’s storylines. (Which is a lot of why so much of what Teren does happens in Nishan; which is only a small pocket of Azeroth as a whole.)

To wit, the amazing legacy and continuing tales of Teren Kiden and his life after 01/01/2018 aren’t a product of “A” moment. But, of People. People who recognized that I am a person and not a collection of pixels. People who empathized with the catastrophe my life had become and - instead of disappearing - did what they could. No one had to solve my problems. Most didn’t have to do anything but RP. But they all helped me to recover from the single worst year - IC, OOC, and IRL - of my life with patience, poise, respect and - most extraordinarily - with hearts that were strong enough to let me go, even though they desparately wanted me to keep holding on to our friendships, because that was what I needed most at the time.

[To each of them: @daughterofkiden, @summerbloom-fae, @karrista, @olivia-lovecraft, @news-nerd, @huntsman-hawthorne, @maluraunderchild, @renlavaye, @scassira, @waroftwowolves, @stonestridernerd, @phamguero, @oh-yeah-no @kelladen - you are all such beautiful, understanding, and exceptional people, and I quite literally wouldn’t be here, writing, without you. Thank you so much for your extraordinary strength and exceptional qualities of character. You are more deeply cherished and appreciated than you will ever know.]

[janusthesneakysnakeboi]

Thoughts while watching the newest Cartoon Therapy

NOT SPOILER FREE. I WILL SPOIL THE EPISODE

This has been a warning

Ok after this video I am totally subscribing to this thing

YESSSSSSS

Aight I’ve seen some of the Avatar. Like a few years ago... is that ok?

OMG Larry playing the ukulele is amazing. Did they just come from Hawaii or something lol I love it 

ELLIOT!!!!!!! 

Wait... Joan is wearing a leather skirt? This is something i need in my life so much

TALYN HOLY SHIT YES 

i love my children ilovethemsomuchomfgicanteven

Larry me too. What are sports

Kai... That’s like... almost my name

Talyn looks so different without their glasses

POWERPULL GIRLS

L A R A N O L D???

Salmon Bagel? I haven’t even heard of that 

JOAAAAAN PLZ DONT LEAVE MY BBY

WHY ARE KAI AND ELLIOT SO RELATABLE

i love the cuts from one session to the next

Dot c’mon why’d you bring it up

Kai is meeeeeeeeeeeeeee

elliot...

you 

you gotta

talk to him

2:48? okay

Ok Dot i was on board at first

But the ending was a lot omg

Ok Picani accent? Where did this come from? 

“oh you have no idea” THAT FACE THO

PURE PATTON

Elliots face at 9:12

I love it

I love their relationship too

Can Picani be my therapist?

plz

Joan is so amazing

i love them

Larry k n o w s

EYE CONTACT KILLS A L L

Ok im just seeing the posters now and i love them all

AND EVERYTHING CHANGED WHEN THE FIRE NATION ATTACKED

ok so i definitely remember enough 

You say Aang, I say Aang

Wait aren’t those two waterbenders brother and sister?

if so plz tell me he won’t compare Larry and Dot to them

“Those who trip in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones”

“I don’t have an attitude” Said Kai, with an attitude

ME TOO KAI

GET THAT SLEEP 

YES

what am i doing

Larry why’d you put avatar in air quotes

OH MY GOD THAT BLEEP

Saki is a spice thing... right?

wait was joans tattoo always there? im so observant wow

SNOOPY YEET

I very much want that stitch poster

plz

good grief - yet another charlie brown reference i love it

“ya see this picani? take notes” “i cant see your pupils so” I love it 

i love the whole exchange

HERBERT OMG U POOR BBY

You can see the Logan coming out when Larry said nobody died in his version of Hamlet

AAAAAAnd there’s Patton right on cue with Dot

Why does their affection look so hard to watch

Animation makes you queasy? but like... picani is your therapist

Kai! So vulgar!!

who am i kidding i swear a lot too

“i just stopped trying to keep up” lol Dot

awww Kai

ok but like same with not doing crazy shit but anxiety instead?

i love the puns

LoRyN?

oof where’s the skip button on this add

wait there isnt one?

wait PAN COLORS

also THIS VID IS AN HOUR

there’s gotta be a shit ton of bloopers

Why does this remind me of the Delta Airlines John Mullaney story? 

Like the one where his girlfrient points out the obvious

yeah nobody likes the name Herbert

it makes me think of herbert hoover and he was a terrible president

Appalogy x 2

AYYY MORE PUNS

omg is this show on netflix

where can i binge this 

oh thank god thats the relationship he went with 

how does your gf not know your friends

my bffs bf knows all her friends

TALKING TO THE WRONG PERSON ABT GEEKINESS BEING BAD

plz dont say fortnite

YOU HAVE FOXES ON YOUR SOCKES

I LOVE SUPER SMASH BROS

omg yes Kai

damn that’s some big kid shit

seriously where’s the accent coming from

GREASE

Thomas you musical loving boi don’t bash em

Roman is a firey boi rn 

dammit now i cant stop hearing danny zuko

damn he got daddy issues

also yeah the picani = logicality fusion is hella accurate

elliots face was like “uh sure. i think my dad is the firelord”

“wow people who truly loved him. Cant relate” Ok so me too? and hun

wait you can’t just cut scenes like this

why am i thinking of voltron rn 

omg i love kai 

kai is mine now

oof picani got stumped

i can hear patton saying he will physically fight kai

i thought kai was gonna say like “who are you talking to” but instead the whole office cutaway thing was just unphasing

i love them all

omg so poetic picani

yes we can’t ignore the bisexuality

tHeRe’S nO wInNiNg On ChRiStMaS

AGAIN WITH THE ACCENT

I NEED TO KNOW

WHERE DOES IT COME FROM

i need that whole negative energy thing

Scooby Dooby Doo time? 

ok

Oh yes i know that

im totally a touch person

and yet my partner isnt irl ;-;

THE WIGGLE

PICANI HAS DONE IT

ok wait is larrys hat... not go over his whole head? like is it just a visor thing?

omg they are so excited about vacations lol

is that cave for copulation tho...

HE SING

HE PLAY

YES

that one SU episode where steven was playing music while lars and sadie were off being str8

wait dont the certain kingdoms only take one thing tho and those who use all 4 are avatars?

omg they’re both so excited abt cartoons together yay

why does the hand thing remind me of romans elbow thing in why do we get out of bed in the morning

oh no its almost over

aww hun test it at home first

dont jump in without testing it first

oof thats still easier said than done

the whole neutral thing

OK THIS ACCENT THING IS ACTUALLY A THING WAS THIS THERE LAST TIME

he k n o w s about stitch

THAT SMILE WHEN KAI SAID YES

me too picani

YES THAT IS A GR8 SKIRT

you were sitting on the pun this whole time omg

aaaaand here’s the end card

WAIT JOAN

Thomas omg yes

my children 

Thats all folks

[richard-the-boy-wonder-blog]

I was tagged by: @rebel-eds , thanks for giving me something to do B 💓

1. last drink?: Shitty imitation coffee. 

2: last phone call?: my mommy.

3. last text message?: "okay mommy" you can only guess who i sent it to.

4. last song you listened to?: Best Friends by Grandson. (Its a banger beatbi suggest everyone give it a listen)

5. last time you cried?: Thusday night last week.

6. dated someone twice?:  Yes, and i was mistaken both times.

7. kissed someone and regretted it: I kissed a guy who only kissed me to date my mom.

8. been cheated on?: Yeah actually, and the kicker was that it was an irl relationship between me and this person and they cheated on me with someone from across the country... So.

9. lost someone special?: Not really?

10. been depressed?: Oooooh boy.

11. gotten drunk and thrown up?:  Story time! Ive been black out drunk, once. I invited my current bf over for some video games (we had been dating for like a month maybe) and i thought "boy imma get stupid and put the moved on him" drank 2 things of box wine to myself (1 box is equal to 4 glasses of wine lol) ended up getting sick really fast and left my bf to watch my younger 2 siblings while i threw up. Thats all i remember. (I think i also tried to shave my legs?)

Fave colors

12. Green (every single shade)

13. Black, like oil black so its not as dark.

14. Like a dusty brown yellow color.

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends?:  I think so? I hope so cause theres alot of people on here i just recently met that im already considering my friends.

16. fallen out of love?: Yes... Honestly its the saddest feeling in the world.

17. laughed until you cried?: I did that last night over the fact i said i wanted to become a professional hotdog juicer.

18. found out someone was talking about you?: Yeah, im a snoopy bitch.

19. met someone who changed you?: Oh yes, some of them were for the better, but this one person im thinking in particular... I wish he would stop.

20. found out who your friends are?: Yeah actually, i moved and alot of the people i considered "friends" started talking crap, and alot of the people i just considered stuck up for me.

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list?: Does my mom count?

general:

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl?: Like a solid 80% of them, others are people i briefly met at cons or whatever.

23. do you have any pets?: I have 2 kitties! My sisters fat cat Juno and my demon Leia.

24. do you want to change your name?: Not really, i feel like ive got a pretty cool name.

25. what did you do for your last birthday?: I cried and threw up on myself lol.

26. what time did you wake up today?: 8:46 am i remember because i wooe up amd the first thought i had was: "if i dont get up the carrots will attack."

27. what were you doing at midnight last night?: Editing my fic and watching School of Rock.

28. what is something that you can’t wait for?: I have a sad life thats going nowhere so i have nothing to look forward to.

30. what are you listening to right now?: California Dreamin' by The Mamas and Papas.

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom?: I worked for a guy named Tom. Tom was an asshat.

32. something getting on your nerves?: The fact that im not aloud to sing or dance around the hoyse anymore.

33. most visited website?: Tumblr lol.

34. hair color?: I had purple hair before i dyed it brown, so its kinda like orangy brown with a tint of pink.

35. long or short hair: This is a hard question because my hair is a mega floof. So it looks short but when i flat iron it its fairly long.

36. do you have a crush on someone?: Honestly.... I think so.

37. what do you like about yourself?:  Im not a huge fan of my outsides (my appearance) but i love my insides. I think im hella funny, and goofy but i know im not very pleasant to look at. But thats okay ☺

38. want any piercings: I already have my snake bites and 2 holes in each ear, but im dying to have my bellybutton, eyebrow, and either my nipples or tongue done. (Maybe a double helix UGH i dont know)

39. blood type: i think im AB positive?

40. nicknames: Jae, JJ, Jada, Scoob, scooberndude, bug, beb, moose, little angry one, you.  

41. relationship status: Taken.

42. zodiac: imma Capricorn.

43. pronouns: I mostly go by They/them, but im okay with her/she too.

44. fave tv show: Ive re-discovered 'Dan vs. Everything' and im in love.

45. tattoos: ive got 4, 1 on my left arm, 2 of my right. And one on the back of my neck (i should just face reveal and show them honestly i get asked about them so much)

46. right or left handed: left handed (imma diamond in the rouge)

47. ever had surgery: GOD NO.

48 . piercings: Yep like i said before. Ove got 6, my snake bites and 2 in each ear.

49. sport: I USE to play baseball amd hockey. (I was also on a roller derby team if that counts)

50. vacation: I haven't been on vacation since i was 8.

51. trainers: No.

more general

52. eating: I was told that you should drink water 20 minutes before eating, because dehydration can feel like hunger. I started doing that like a week ago and ive eaten maybe 4 times since 😂

53. drinking: Water 😎 (hydration is sexy, yall should go get some)

54. im about to watch: myself post this amd regret it.

55. waiting for: my mom to get home so i can come put of my room.

56. want: More records.

57. get married? After some consideration, probably not ever gonna happen.

58. career: i dunno yet, i just know i wanna go to film/art school!

59. hugs or kisses: keeses 😙

60. lips or eyes: The eyes.

61. shorter or taller: i dont really mind either, evidentally though its always tall because im short as fuck.

62. older or younger: Still doesnt really matter to me, as long as they aint a pedo.

63. nice arms or stomach: Arms, because i love being held.

64.  hookup or relationship: a relationship where you pretend not to know each other and "hook up"

65. troublemaker or hesitant: im not really either? Like im not very shy, but im not so far out there that i get in trouble.

66. kissed a stranger: Thats how you get hepatitis.

67. drank hard liquor: Yes, i still would but i get hella nervous about it (im a stoner not a drinker eeeeh)

68. lost glasses: yep! Thats why i dont have them now.

69. turned someone down: Not really. No one has ever asked me out before :/

70. sex on the first date: im a hoe and proud, but this is a major no no.

71. broken someones heart: i think so... But they broke all of me first.

72. had your heart broken: Ive had alot more than just my heart broken.

73. been arrested: Yes i was arrested when i was 9.

74. cried when someone died: Ive been crying over David Bowie for 2 years now, yes.

75. fallen for a friend: This is the only way i can get into a relationship

do you believe in…

76. yourself: Yes! I can do the thing!

77. miracles: Sadly no, ive never had one happen for me.

78. love at first sight: Kinda? Like it starts out as "i wanna punch your face in" at first site, and THEN i fall in love.

79. santa clause: yes because my papa is santa.... I seen it.

80. kiss on a first date: i always barf if someone tries to kiss me on the first date. (Not because it grosses me out but because i got bad anxiety lol)

81. angels: Absolutly because all my friends are angels 💓

82. best friend’s name: I... I dont have one? (Does my twin count? Her name is Dawn)

83. eye color: Green!

84. fave movie: Probably Pretty in Pink.

85. fave actor: Lesie motherfucking Jones! This girl is amazing, she went to an art school in Colorado for a basketball scholarship and ended up in theater and on SNL instead. I aspire to be cool enough to earn my way onto SNL.

I should tag some peepes: @trashmouthmissy @spaghetti-head-eds , @thegreatwhiteferret , @beepbeepbongoboyy , and anyone else who wants to do this can and tag me saying i tagged you 😎

[myheartsoarsforyou]

The gay asks, as many as you feel like doing. Starting at 1 stop when you feel like it

Oh, you don’t know what you’ve signed up for. I’ll put it under a readmore, lol. 

Just to note: Probably going to do most, if not all of them, so there you go. :)

how tall are you? 5′6″

what is your body type? Chubby, but curves are still there.

what is your favorite part about your body? Ehh, I don’t really like any part. My eyes, I guess?

is your current hair color your natural hair color? For now, but as soon as I’m able to get to my salon I’m dyeing it

are you more outgoing or more shy? Depends on the setting but for the most part definitely shy

are you more femme or butch? Femme I guess? I dunno, I’d argue probably somewhere in-between but leaning towards femme. 

are you tol or smol? Height wise? I guess kinda tol? Iunno I don’t think I’m either but hey! lol

wine mom or vodka aunt? Vodka aunt, but I don’t drink much anymore.

weird habit? Uhh idk?

favorite meme? Don’t talk me i angy

do you sing in the shower? Oh yes, especially if I have music going lol

ever used a bow and arrow? Not yet!

are/were you a theatre kid? Nope, 

have you ever seen a broadway musical? Not in person? 

do you think musicals are cheesy? Probably but that’s half the fun.

have you ever been a part of a protest or a march? I wish, especially right now, but I would probably break down around that many people. I support as much as I can.

favorite Cards Against Humanity Card? I don’t think I have a favorite?

last movie you watched? Silent Hill: Revelations

behind the camera or in front of it? Behind, 100%. I hate having my picture taken. i’ll make exceptions, but. 

favorite tv show? Mmmh... it used to be Supernatural but I don’t really watch TV. Maybe ATLA? I’m rewatching/finishing that sporadically.

meaning behind your url He makes my heart soar higher than ever.

reason you joined tumblr A looong time ago, because of SPN. 

who’s your closest tumblr friend? I don’t really talk to people on tumblr ?? I’m just kinda... here

what’s something most people love that you hate? Iunno o.o

have you ever taken narcotics? Technically yes I have

have you had sex? Mhmm

have you ever gotten caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? Err, yeah. I got caught with a ‘friend’ of mine when I was younger. Woops.

worst/funniest lie you’ve ever told? I don’t remember any? I don’t know. 

describe your passion without mentioning it. Escape, building something completely new with friends, making friends within a universe you help shape, seeing and doing more fantastiscal things than could be done in real life. 

describe your best friend. I have two people I consider best friends. An artist, an activist, passionate about her work, heartfelt and exciteable. Another artist, unsure of his work but talented none the less, overly critical of himself. 

give us one thing about you that no one knows. I don’t think there’s much if anything that my bf doesn’t know about me?

how do you feel right now? my tummy hurts

what is your biggest fear? Losing him. 

what’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? Love Me - NU’EST

what is the best decision you’ve made in your life so far? Definitely sticking it out and staying close to my bf before we got together and persuing things when the opportunity arose. 

have you ever tried your hardest and then been disappointed in the end? Very often in my life rn tbh

something you fantasize about. Living with my love in a 3 bedroom house with our little domestic zoo and being happy. 

last time you cried and why Saturday, multiple times. It was a rough day and was thinking a lot about my cousin (long story short he’s no longer around)

what was the last thing that made you laugh? Probably my boyfriend. 

do you really, truly miss someone right now? I miss my bf because I haven’t seen him irl in two years and it kills me. 

who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? Bf

the last time you felt broken? Saturday again because of the aforementioned. 

are you starting to realize anything? That I will put up with a lot if I feel like I have to to see him. 

are you more dominant or more submissive? Definitely submissive, but I have my moments. 

i’ll only date you if _____. (fill in the blank) Mmm, I don’t really have strict qualifications. Treat me well, tell me if something’s up, and just love me. But I have that right now, so I guess the strict qualification is if he agrees & We’re good to be a polycule. 

do you prefer to date people the same age as you, younger, or older? I used to say strictly older, but honestly AS LONG AS it’s legal and moral either or. Bf’s two years younger than me and more mature than anyone older than me that I’ve been with so lol. 

describe the person you’re in love with/have a crush on in great detail. My height, great eyes, gorgeous to me, dyed-red hair, avid gamer, tattoo enthusiast. He’s passionate regardless of how he sees it, and he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I love every part of him and I will even if things change. 

do you have any kinks? Many. Lol. 

first thing you notice in a person? Depends, sometimes eyes, sometimes voice, sometimes approachability lol.

how can someone win your heart? You’d have to ask my bf

been rejected by a crush? Yep! 

have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back? Oh yes lol

would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? Actual texts? No. But if discord messages count - yes. lol

is trust a big issue for you? Yes

did you hang out with the person you like recently? Yes

is confidence cute? It can be, but there’s a fine line between it and arrogance. 

what would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? It depends entirely on the situation. Did we agree on a romantic/sexual third? Sure. If not I’d probably be pretty upset. 

would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? Probably not. 

does the person you have feelings for right now know you do? I should DEFINITELY hope so lmao

ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? I’ve been in high school. 

do you want to get married I do, though I never thought I’d be able to say that

worst thing you’ve ever done? Probably cheating on someone I cared about with someone I should’ve never involved myself with. 

three things that turn you on. Biting, neck kisses, making out. 

who do you hate? Eh, my boss rn.

favorite term of endearment? My bf calls me kitten c: 

who was your celebrity/fictional gay awakening? Probably Willow from Buffy the Vampire Slayer 

intimidating girls or kind girls? Why not both?

what do you look for in a possible partner? If we’d work well together lol, it all depends. 

do you tend to like more masculine, feminine, or androgynous girls? Err, a little of all? I tend to go for masc in general, but I am definitely interested in all of the above. 

are you good at flirting? Not...really lol

who was the first person you came out to? My bestie

do you have any friends who are wlw? Yep!

is your crush wlw? See, this is complicated. Technically at the moment no, but there has been gender questioning in the past and it’s possible that at some point in the future yes. 

last person to make you reconsider your sexuality? That’s been a long time ago lmao, I’ve been pretty confident I am Super Queer for a long while. 

write a short love poem to your crush/self? I am not good at these and very tired so I’m gonna pass on this one

do you fall in love easily? I used to, but not anymore. Mainly cause I’m still very deeply in love with the person I think is my soul mate. 

is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about? Yerp.

are you good at hiding your feelings? Not really no

are you a forgiving person? I can be. Bf thinks I am too forgiving. 

what is your “type?” Uhh, it depends? And fluctuates? lol

fall asleep in her arms or rub her back until she falls asleep in yours? Both.

tall girls or short girls? Both, though prob tall more often than not.

hugs or kisses? Kisses

twirl her around or get twirled? Twiiiirl.��

tummy kisses or thigh kisses? Thigh

hairline kisses or neck kisses? Neck

play with her hair or stroke her tummy? I have Two Hands

making out or soft kisses? Both, but I Really Like making out

hugs around the neck or hugs around the waist? Neck, but also both. 

how confident are you in your sexuality? 100%

when you like someone do you blush or get butterflies in your stomach? Yes, a lot lol

have you ever liked a friend as more than a friend? did you tell them? I would not be with my bf if this wasn’t the case. 

how old were you when you realized you were into girls? I think I was 13? 

most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of a cute girl? Uhhh... I don’t really remember lol

do you have a favorite lesbian ship? is it canon? Yes! But it ended not great so :(

what is the most aggravating thing someone has said to you about your sexuality? I really hate when people say I should identify in a certain way because it’s a “slur” the whole point of reclaiming things is to take the ammunition out of it. And a lot of words have been slurs in the past that seem to be fully acceptable. 

when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter? I don’t really remember. 

what is love to you? It can change but at its heart it makes you feel warm and soft, and makes you feel a little bit better about the bad things in life. 

[incendavery]

gosh, thank you! that is so sweet??? I hope you (and any other of my followers who celebrate!) have/had a very happy Eid!💖 💕

on another note, I’ve finally gotten around to cleaning out my askbox! under the cut is almost every ask I’ve gotten that i haven’t answered in the past.... I’m not sure. it’s been a WHILE though.

as a warning, there’s all sorts of stuff, and it’s all untagged! also also, if you sent one of these asks and want me to remove it, just let me know!

yes!! @fuckaspunk IS super sweet and talented and i AM very lucky to have them! and I’ve heard from reliable sources that the feeling is mutual~~💕

i’m glad my comics make you feel less alone; that’s a rough situation you’re in. i really hope you find yourself in a better environment soon!

thank you!!!💕

thank you for understanding! and yes, aidan is a huge help to me??? even when they’re not answering asks, they’re always supporting me in some way, whether that’s making sure I’ve eaten enough, or talking me through my anxiety, or all the other ways they’re there for me every single day💕💕

ok, my tips are!!:

draw as much as possible! even if it’s just lines and shapes with no meaning, you’re still developing your hand/eye skills

BUT: dont draw if you’re not feeling it! if you’re feeling fried, it’s better to take a break. go on a walk to somewhere scenic, read your favorite book, listen to some new music, hang out with friends, or just take a nap! rest up and find some inspiration! you can come back to your sketchbook when you feel energized again

draw stuff that you like! you’ll improve way faster if you’re passionate about what you’re doing

look at art you like with a critical eye. try to examine the different components and figure out what you think works or doesn’t work. try incorporation those components into your own work

read a lot of tutorials and other resources, but take what they say with a grain of salt

ultimately, remember that the only real rule to drawing is that doing it should make you happy

good luck!! i do my best not to pick, but it’s a real struggle; i have lots of scars from it too. ;v; im cheering for you!!!

ALWAYS!!!! if you do, please show me!! my notifications get real busy, but anyone is welcome to IM me any time!

thank you! i actually get very worried about my style; i tend to admire artists with complex linework and delicate shading, so i often feel my style is far to simple! so thank you!!

that is really high praise????? gosh??!?!?!? best of luck with the next three years; i hope you grow to be someone you like even better than me!

thank you!!

peanut time is the best!! i haven’t gotten to do a proper one in a while though ;-; i’ve mostly been feeding the crows on my way back home from night shifts, when i give them the reject eggs from the continental breakfast.

wow, neat!! chickens are so wonderful; i cont wait until i can have some of my own :>

dont be nervous! i know i can be hard to get ahold of over the internet (bc i get overwhelmed easily) and hard to talk with irl (bc i get so nervous and interacting w ppl doesn’t come naturally to me AT ALL) but honestly i?? love making new friends??!

thank you!!? im thankful every day that someone as radient as aidan is in my life for the long haul

thank you!!!!!!!💕

i completely feel that? its ok to hit rough patches! just do your best!!

i dont remember what i felt bad about but THANK YOU💕💕

honestly its done me worlds of good to share my art?? hearing people talk about how they go through all the same shit i do makes me feel so much less alone, especially on the toughest days! so i guess thank you, and thank you?

youre welcome!!!! :>

huh!! i dont know much about shoegaze (other than thinking abt that post abt the guy who pronounced it like fugazi I THINK ABT THAT EVERY TIME) but thats real neat!! im glad youve found something that works for you!!

hey, neat middle name! and youre very welcome; i hope things have been looking up for you since you sent this?💕

i dont remember when this was from but im currently doing really well with my meds!! i switched to a combination of lexapro in the morning and benadryl in the evening, and its been working super well!✨

thank you??!! ;o; i would love to see all your favorite birds!!

hey, right back atcha!!!

:0

ty!!!

hey. thank YOU

you’re absolutely not bothering me! thank you so much!!

!!!!!!!!!!

hey, nice! im glad you like both me and my music!

gosh thanks?!?!

she is the most beautiful and handsome!!!!!!!!!!!! i love her! thank you from both of us!!!!

aw, gosh! im sure i like you too!!

this was from.... A WHILE AGO.... but youre welcome?? i just wish i could have done more

hey, thank you so much!!!!!

thank YOU and a very very belated merry christmas!!!

that does make sense!! reconciling friendships and crushes is tricky business. the best i can say to you is to be as honest and open with each other as you can

i dont personally get those, but ive heard of people experiencing them as a sideeffect when coming off or switching meds

i think these two are part of the same message? but oh man yeah that sucks when ppl are misgendering you AND hitting on you at the same time. on a different note, ive never heard of using a corset to stim before! neat!

i mean, 1. depression doesn’t care if you have a “””good””” reason and 2. ive literally never met anyone w depression (including myself) who thinks that they do have a “””good””” reason for having it. thats the insidious part of depression, is that it makes you think that theres nothing wrong and that its all just you not measuring up in some way

so i guess that would make you.... someone with depression?

real BAD

💕 💖 💞  💓  💗

not yet haha THANK YOU

hey, im glad you like it!! since this blog has gotten so big, its kinda my happy place to be? (for anyone wondering, my reblog blog/personal is @spinels!

that IS a fun fact!! thank you!

it’s absolutely ok! i get a little bitter when people take my work WAY out of context (for example, straight people removing the caption that says “im just really gay” before tagging their bf/gf) but i am 100% ok and happy with people relating to my work in a different way than i intended (ex: a comic i made about being ashamed of my derma getting reblogged by someone struggling to be ok w their visible burn scars)

hoo gosh, thank you!!

glad to have you here!! im glad people can relate to some of the weirdly specific shit i write about tbh???

i’m sorry its taken so long for me to get back to you; that a terrible situation

if you have a teacher you trust, i would absolutely bring it up to them. that is 100% not an ok thing for those kids to be doing. at all.

im glad you at least have your friends that support you! 

:0 WAIT is this someone i know through ucsc?? :0 :0 :0

HA 

aaaa thank you! that is high praise ;v;

i have no words; this is such a touching message. thank you so much ;v;

this is belated but!! the main creative community i can recommend is kzsc, the radio station! i had a real cool time there, and its a great way to make friends and connect with ppl of all sorts! :0

yeah, its totally normal! ive had roommates ive been super tight with, and roommates who i barely ever hung around with. its natural! i doubt you’ll finish college w/o finding a roomie that you get ~The Roomie Experience~ with though, even if its like a housemate or s/t!! ;0

i’ve never been told that, actually! neat!! (and wow?? i cant believe i inspire ppl.... wow......... what a concept tbh??)

oh yikes... i do hope youre feeling better :( im glad my comics can help a little bit at least!

💕 💖 💞  💓  💗!!!

HUGS

i dont remember what this was in reference to, but good to know?

also good to know!?

i think the crows and jays do! i dunno about the squirrels and other birds. and thank you!!

the youth gang..... i love it..... how good???!

i wrote about getting yuri right here! he’s a southern alligator lizard and i love him to bits. 

heres a pic of the Long Boy doin his thing:

hey neat! i’m glad youve chosen a lame you can be proud of!!💖

ive never heard of that!! wow

what play is this?? :0 :0 :0 im so curious now!!

oh SHUCKS...,,,,,,,,,, ;v;

hahahaha omg thank u

i dont actually have any more of them interacting, unfortunately! the owl isnt one specific person, like a lot of my characters are meant to represent. the owl more represents as a whole all the people i run into in my life that i am very very gay for.

thank you!!!

youre very welcome! im glad you feel better!!!!

aaa gosh thank you!!!

hhhhfgh ive gotten less of it recently BUT YEAH that was bad times™️ 

thanks for the info!!! :0

no problem! a lot of the credit honestly goes to @fuckaspunk, who is always keeping me updated on that sort of stuff.

i didn’t know that! a lot of the symbolism seems to come from multiple sources sometimes, from what ive seen?

aaaa gosh omg thank you ;v;

aw thank you???!!

nice!!! oct 24 bdays go!!!

thank you!! it really does mean a lot actually!!!!!!!

of course?? antisemitism cant be ignored in this fight

aw, thats so cute! id love to hear what headcanons you have tbh???

hey thanks?! this is really cool to hear, tbh. i try to be positive most of the time, but im not going to like,,, kid myself when im not feeling it and im glad that other people can appreciate that too, ya know?

wow!!

(this one!) thank you i love that one too???!

hey, im glad you found your way here!! thank you so much!!!

aaaa ty! 

hmmm i have two leopard geckos, and they made very good beginning lizards for me and aidan! but i would maybe ask someone a bit more experienced than me, like @kaijutegu​ or @wheremyscalesslither​!!

thank you!!

one day at a time! (but seriously, thank you!!)

yummy yummy sauce...... ty!!!

awww, gosh! thank you!?

AAAA TY BOTH I GET SO SELF-CONSCIOUS ABT MY VOICE,,,,, ;o;

:0 i havent watched that, but it sounds rly cool!!

i like that fun fact a lot! ty!!

pae stands for paerlin, which is what @fuckaspunk​‘s internet handle used to be! i used it to refer to them on my blog in secret back when they still didnt know i had a crush on them.... ;//v//;

aaaaa thank you!!!  ;o;

nice nice nice ty!!

>:0 get back down here!! (jk that’s rly neat! highfive!!) 

those are all good words that i like!! thank you!!!!

i dont know anything about him, but i looked him up and i guess i can see it?!

@fishcrow is really cool! ive never really interacted with them, but im p sure were mutuals...? anyway yeah their comics are rly cute and cool!

that is me! thank you; i hope things go well for you as well!

hello to you too!

aaaa ty!!! tbh the number of nice anons i get way way way outnumbers the mean ones <3

thank you! thank YOU for existing!

:0 chocolate croissant, here i come!!!

thank you!!!!!!💕

its literally my pleasure!!!

aaa ty!!! 💕💕

hehe im glad! 

sldf;j;sfjdklfdslfjs thank you so much?????? what a compliment omg gosh

yeah!! i have a hard time on settling what class id be, but i feel like id be a heart player! 

ohh um! im not sure which pens youre referring to, but if you mean the ones I use for my comics, i color them with Winsor & Newton ProMarkers, and I do the lines with a purple fine-point Sakura Gelly Roll Classic pen! i also use micron pens of all different sizes and colors in some of my non-diary comic art!

aww thank you so much!!

:0 :) :0 !!!!!!

ty!!! ive grown to love him very much as well!!

thank you! i hope you are doing well also!!

i love them very much?!! id put a picture but i dont have one with all four of them so instead imagine me lying on the floor crying abt how much i love them bc thats me basically every day

you dont mean......

?!?!?!?!?!?!

awwww ty!!!

HEY WOW

aaa gosh thank you!💕

DOUBLE FOLLOW

gay dragons combine the best of both very good things: gay and dragons. im glad you appreciate them w me tysm ;v;

aaa what a lovely message! ty💕

3rd-shift-working, depression-having, corvid-loving solidarity fistbumnp!!!!

huh! ive never heard of that; ill check it out maybe!!

ah im really glad? tysm!!💕

my understanding is that it helps people who have text-to-speech readers? but im honestly not as well informed on that as i should be! 

hell yeah!!!! 

gosh!!!!!

hnmngnhng youve probably already made a decision but i just gotta say.........shadow rulez

delicious!!

i havent!! i really want to though!

oh man ALL THE TIME. i usually try to either reality check with someone i trust, or to do an activity thats easy and i know i can do, or both!

i love andre and karl!!! its actually a huge influence on me and my art tbh??? 

i had a good (and safe) trip! ty!!!

hey, thank you!!!

oh jeez thats bad :( i think this was in response to when i needed to wait between med refills?

i cant give a precise reason, tbh! when it comes to whats lucky, i just sort of.... go with my gut, ya know?

thank you!! 👍

that sure sounds like insomnia! its almost hard for me to say tbh, bc ive had trouble sleeping for as long as i can remember, so NOT having trouble sleeping is bizarre and unrealistic to me haha... but i think the bottom line is, if its interrupting your daily routine and making it hard for you to have enough energy, then its something you should look into remedies for!

:0 :0 :0

ohhh how nice! ill give it a try! :>

omg,,,, nope, just me!

thank you!!!!!!

honestly? thats such a good way to look at it i love the idea of my blog as a big zine

always!!!!! go for it!!!

hey, thank you so much!!!!!

omg, thats so great! thank you!

im so glad; thank you!!!

thank you so much!💖 (and mexico, neat! i love hearing where people are following from??)

aaaaaaaaaaaa ;//v//; thank you??? i get so happy whenever ppl tell me they like my singing aaaaaaa

aw, hey, no worries! money is all well and good, but in some ways, messages like this mean just as much!

its cool that comic gave you plural feels! im def not a system though :> 

its tricky, isnt it? i still feel like im no good at it lmao

LISTEN,,, there is a 99.9999% chance i wont notice, and a 100% chance i wont judge. reblog away! 

THANK YOU ARENT THEY THE BEST I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

thank you!! i hope you have a good day as well!

aaa ty!!💖

aa ty! (what a cool name!!! im kind jealous ngl!)

awww thank you💖

i do my best! i just worry when im not active, bc i tend to connect my self-worth to my output (;^; )

aaaaa ty!! 💖

!!!!!!!!!!!! omg wow i love being called a pretty boy???? ty???????

hey, neat! crow high-five!

aw, thank you!!! 💖

im doing my best! thank you so much, messages like this really help when im in a place like that tbh ;v;

gosh this is so sweet? thank you so muhc !!?

thank you all!! im sorry that saying thank you over and over sounds so repetitive, but i truely do mean it for every one of you!!!

i am..... one of those things!

well thank you!!

ohoho~✨

thank you! and honestly im sure it does??

hey, cool! good for you!!!!!!! and ty!!

aw gosh thank you!💖

hey, wow! thats super cool; thank you so much!

(i dont follow the first person i followed on tumblr anymore.... they became a hockey blog rip haha)

aaaah, thank you so much!!

almost???

i do!! drunken lullabies is an absolute banger!!!!!!!!!!

i am!!!! thank you!!

aw, ty!!! 💖

hee hee, thank you! 

my biggest tip honestly?? have someone who can be by your side to help you with... basically everything... during your recovery. bc trust me, i was n o t  a v a i l a b l e. i spent a lot of my recovery playing 2048 at the same time as watching tv, bc doing both at once distracted me from how much the bandages itched.

thank you!! (i think this was in reference to getting top surgery!)

how shitty??????? yikes. i hope your supervisor has your back??? bc wow????

hey!!! thank you!!! i draw all my comics traditionally on paper! im not sure what you mean by the writing though? if you mean the word bubbles, i do those by hand on paper too!

I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND THAT FEELING,,,, im so happy ppl talk to me, but i get really nervous about saying the wrong thing. 

when i’m down, i usually crave validation. i like being reminded about things ive done right! i also like gentle reality checks, like, ‘hey: this is the situation, this is what we can do about it. ok? ok’

i unfortunately dont have any!! i had a couple at one point, but they’ve since been lost to the depths of my old laptop. and hey, thank you so much!!

now thats a nifty trick!! im terrible at telling all my white tablets from each other lmao

!!!!!!! ITS ME!!!!!!!!

maybe you just need some space? i know i sometimes temporarily block people i know, if i need some private space or if i dont trust myself to keep cool and solve problems constructively. do what you need to do to feel at ease, and go from there, ya know?

thank you!!!

its,,,, up somewhere above in this monster post lmao i,m so sorry,,,,

thank you so much!!!

WOW NO WORRIES??,,,,,,,,, INCREDIBLE 10/10???????

all four of these came right after i gave myself a hair cut and THANK YOU SO MUCH??? i live for validation and it feels so good to have my actions affirmed ;o;

[neuvis]

I DIDN'T EVEN SEE THAT u reblogged that ask meme omg... that being said 1-100 (^;

FJDSAKLJFDL HERE WE GOO

1:  Is there a boy/girl in your life?

Nope !

2:  Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?

I’m way too forgiving jfkdslf yeah

3:  What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”

Answered !

4:  What’s something you really want right now?

To live somewhere else already

5:  Are you afraid of falling in love?

Iiii don’t think so

6:  Do you like the beach?

Answered!

7:  Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?

Does Oreo count

8:  What’s the background on your cell?

Answered !

9:  Name the last four beds you were sat on?

UHHH my bed, my mom’s bed, the bed right next to my room, and.... I dunno does the floor count

10:  Do you like your phone?

Answered !

11:  Honestly, are things going the way you planned?

No ;w;

12:  Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?

Answered !

13:  Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler?

Already answered !

14:  Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?

Emotional, imo it’s easier to recover from physical.

15:  Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?

Zoo !

16:  Are you tired?

Nope !

17:  How long have you known your 1st phone contact?

For as long as I can remember

18:  Are they a relative?

Yeah ! My cousin

19:  Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?

Maybe Martin

20:  When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?

I haven’t kissed anyone before

21:  If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?

As much as I’m craving a relationship, I don’t think I’m ready for marriage omg I’m only 20

22:  Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

I’ve never kissed a person before

23:  How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?

I don’t wear bracelets 0:

24:  Is there a certain quote you live by?

Mmm not yet

25:  What’s on your mind?

“I just want Beelzemon why is this taking so long”

26:  Do you have any tattoos?

Hell no

27:  What is your favorite color?

Grey !

28:  Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?

No idea 

29:  Who are you texting?

No one at the moment 

30:  Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch?

Never kissed anyone that isn’t my cat’s forehead

31:  Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?

Yeah and it’s mostly just with drama stuff

32:  Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?

Yeah !

33:  Do you think anyone has feelings for you?

Probably not

34:  Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?

Yeah 0:

35:  Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?

Haven’t kissed anyone jfakld

36:  Were you single on Valentines Day?

Technically ? But I did confess sort of I think

37:  Are you friends with the last person you kissed?

Haven’t kissed anyone

38:  What do your friends call you?

IRL just my first name , online they call me Iceclaw, Icey, Nox, Panther, or Eises

39:  Has anyone upset you in the last week?

Yeah

40:  Have you ever cried over a text?

Yeaaah

41:  Where’s your last bruise located?

My back and legs idk I got them at the same time

42:  What is it from?

This morning when my mom got mad at me

43:  Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?

Right now tbh

44:  Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

The receptionist lady at my mental health centre.

45:  Do you have a favourite pair of shoes?

My running shoes !

46:  Do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day?

Already answered !

47:  Would you ever go bald if it was the style?

I never follow any trendy-styles sjfdklas

48:  Do you make supper for your family?

No

49:  Does your bedroom have a door?

Yeah but the lock is on the outside so there’s no point to it

50:  Top 3 web-pages?

Already answered

51:  Do you know anyone who hates shopping?

Mmm I don’t think so 0:

52:  Does anything on your body hurt?

My back 

53:  Are goodbyes hard for you?

Extremely

54:  What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?

Water

55:  How is your hair?

Very long and full of volume

56:  What do you usually do first in the morning?

Stay in bed daydreaming and eventually check my phone for Discord and Skype messages

57:  Do you think two people can last forever?

Sure

58:  Think back to January 2007, were you single?

I was like 9 of course I was

59:  Green or purple grapes?

Answered !

60:  When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug?

I have no idea

61:  Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?

Yeah

62:  When will be the next time you text someone?

No idea

63:  Where will you be 5 hours from now?

In my room on the computer probably

64:  What were you doing at 8 this morning.

Sleepinggg

65:  This time last year, can you remember who you liked?

A few friends hhhh

66:  Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?

My friends ;u;

67:  Did you kiss or hug anyone today?

No but that’d be nice @@

68:  What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

“Let’s see if I can actually sleep tonight.”

69:  Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?

That honestly sums up my entire life 

70:  How many windows are open on your computer?

Three I think

71:  How many fingers do you have?

10

72:  What is your ringtone?

Answered !

73:  How old will you be in 5 months?

Still 20

74:  Where is your Mum right now?

At work

75:  Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?

He wasn’t interested in me in the first place and I also moved on from him

76:  Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?

Nah

77:  Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?

Uhhh I think with some of them yeah

78:  Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7?

7th grade? Uhh my friend Jose and I think I had one towards Rayn at that time too

79:  Is there anyone you know with the name Mike?

My half-brother

80:  Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?

Not counting like my mom when I was a baby, I don’t think so.

81:  How many people have you liked in the past three months?

Just one

82:  Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?

Oh god no

83:  Will you talk to the person you like tonight?

Maybe

84:  You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?

I have no idea who I’d go out drinking with fjlsdakf hopefully someone with some sense so they can stop me from yelling

85:  If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care?

Yeah

86:  What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie?

GOD it’s been years since I’ve been to the threatre...

I think the most eventful thing was the movie itself (Ant-Man)

87:  Who was your last received call from?

I

I don’t think I can remember 

88:  If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you?

No ):

89:  What is something you wish you had more of?

Money? Stability?

90:  Have you ever trusted someone too much?

Unfortunately 

91:  Do you sleep with your window open?

No omg imagine how many bugs would come in

92:  Do you get along with girls?

Yep !

93:  Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?

Tbh the only secret I’m keeping is from my family about my orientation 

94:  Does sex mean love?

It can, but it doesn’t always.

95:  You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?

I’m locked in a room with no one it’s just me

96:  Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?

No and I dunno if I would, it’d probably feel weird.

97:  Did you sleep alone this week?

I always do :

98:  Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?

My friends !!

99:  Do you believe in love at first sight?

Not true love, that’s probably more lust.

100:  Who was the last person that you pinky promise?

Iiii don’t even remember whoops

[traveller19]

Breyerfest Preparation

Happy Fourth of July!  Since I have the day off for the holiday today, I’m taking a little time to psych myself up for Breyerfest.  I haven’t been quite as deliriously excited this year as usual.  I think it’s because a.) I’m not doing the show (I kind of regret not signing up now, but I’m also looking forward to volunteering and getting my volunteer model instead) and b.) I’ve been working and stressed and much further removed from all the hype than normal.  But it’ll still be amazing, of that I am sure.

For my family, Breyerfest has always been a time of tradition.  As a family, this is our thirteenth (my twelfth) year - we have been participants since 2005.  Our every activity - what we do, who we make sure to catch up with, right down to where we eat - is preceded by years of having done it before.  That being said, I think we make new traditions every year!  I’ll be volunteering at the help booth (the tent outside the covered arena, next to Fluffy) this year on Friday morning and Saturday afternoon.  Stop by to say hi or ask for recommendations of things to do in the area, or if you are new to BF or the model horse hobby and have questions.

Introduction over, I will now put forward Some Thoughts (THESE ARE MY PERSONAL OPINIONS and you are welcome to differ but please do so NICELY):

1. I cannot WAIT for room shopping at the CHIN.  This is my absolute favorite thing OH MY GOODNESS.  I don’t know what I want to buy, but I’m ready to squeeze my way into tiny crowded crappily lit hotel room after tiny crowded crappily lit hotel room.  Especially if I have friends I haven’t seen in a year in said hotel room.

2. If the Bollywood Surprise model isn’t something I like this year I’m going to be sad.  I was so disappointed in the Esprits last year - I’m not a fan of the wonkiness, and I still have one of the black and white pinto matte ones (if anyone wants to buy it, hit me up!)

3. Speaking of buying and selling - MY SISTER AND I WILL BE TABLING AT THE SWAP MEET THIS YEAR.  Look for two blonde girls in their early to mid (that would be me, yikes) twenties. Buy my stuff, feed my plastic pony addiction.

4. On the special runs:

-Indu: I love the IDEA of him and his artist’s proof, but I’m worried his dapples will be super fish-netty.  I’m still going to get him.

-Darjeeling: I love everything but that stupid white tail tip.  But I’ll probably get past it, because he’s otherwise gorgeous.

-Saffron: Meh. Will want to see in person, but will probably pass.

-Namaste: Never in my life have I wanted to own a model horse less than this one.  Bank account, you will find no threat here.  Blergh.  (Rejoice...not my thing.  I sold all mine a couple of years ago at the last Swap Meet I tabled at.)

-Diwali: I was going to pass him (her?) up because...not a horse...but then I saw there were only 750 of them.  Oh boy.  And chalky.  Yeah.  Plus Dad loves cows.  Lol.

-Kaalee: Cautiously optimistic.  Want to see in person - the head might be a little big (I don’t think I’ve seen this mold IRL).  But I might end up with one.  It’s a definite possibility.

-Vahana: I WANT SO BADLY TO LOVE THIS HORSE.  I mean, it’s a DRAFTER.  And I absolutely LOVE the mold.  But the color...I can’t.  I just can’t.  I might wait to try to get my hands on one of the bay original issues because I LOVE them.  But this one...gah.

5. I’m really pleased with the Celebration Horse this year.  Love chestnuts, love the Marwari, looks like decent shading, fingers crossed for an LSQ copy.

6. I have an extra special run ticket/button/celebration horse ticket for volunteering this year.  HUZZAH!

7. Found out recently, much to my dismay, that the restaurant we often stop at either one the way to or from BF in Burlington, NC closed permanently.  That was part of our tradition, and I am sad.  (It closed due to tax evasion...what?  Lol).  Oh well.

8. I’ve GOT to get my hands on the SM single day ticket drafter Tushar.  Wouldn’t mind the cantering WB Vivaan as well.

9. Anyone else REALLY looking forward to fresh squeezed lemonade at the park?  ;)

10. “High Flying Haflingers”: sounds like something I HAVE to see!

11. That little Daly and Spanky Shetland/JRT store special set...yeah, I’m gonna need one of those.

12. Both raffle models are yummy, but I’m going to spend more money on tickets for the Sunday one.  My family has only ever won Sundays anyway...three of them, to be exact!  Fingers crossed.

13. I love watching the Splash Dogs and I hope I get a bit more time to watch this year.  Happy dogs in water...it makes my heart feel warm.

For restaurant lists, recommendations, or general chat, comment/message/reblog and tag me!  I LOVE talking about the hobby/BF.  I’ll probably be posting some stuff on here prior to and hopefully during (though things get CRAZY) BF, tag “traveller does breyerfest 2017″.  I hope to see some of you crazy model horse people there!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #202

"a-m-e-r-i-c-a, home of the free, the sick, and the depraved."

Is there a gang problem in your area? No. Would you date an already-attached person? I'm monogamous and can't stand the idea of cheating. So no. What vaccine that you’ve received hurt the most? Oh I can't remember, I got all my vaccines waaaay back. On that note actually, vaccinate ya fuckin kids. :) Are you afraid to ask people out on dates? Well, I've never done it before. Partially because without my own vehicle or money, I couldn't really take anyone out myself. Who was the last person you hung out with? Girt. Do you watch Oprah? No. Do you drool when you sleep? Very rarely. Is there anyone you're waiting for to get on the computer/call you/txt you? It'd be fucking lovely if my previous school would give me my fucking transcript already. But communication is impossible with them. Do you put deodorant on everyday? If I'm staying home all day in my pjs and I smell fine, then no. I do if before leaving the house no matter the circumstance, and also if I just do think I need it at home. Is Pluto a planet? Pluto is a GODDAMN PLANET fucking 1v1 me if you think she's not I stg. Do you make up your own words? No. Do you know anyone who self harms? Not in the current time, thankfully. That I'm aware of, anyway. Who is the most influential person in your life right now? Sara gives me the most motivation. Do you like Gummy Bears? Yeah, man. Do you like the game Tetris? No. I don't enjoy quick, timed puzzle games like that at all. When do you normally go to bed? Nowadays it can be as early as 8, or at most ~11. Lately I've been going to bed around 9. When was the last time you did something for the first time? Early February. Which do you prefer: Valentine’s Day or Easter? Valentine's. Do you wait until the last minute to decorate, or do you decorate early? We're usually more last-minute. What’s your favorite Starbucks drink? N/A What do you use to sweeten your tea? N/A Which dollar store do you like best? *shrugs* Have you ever owned an expensive eyeshadow palette? No. What’s one challenge you want to complete for youtube? N/A If you make youtube videos, do you have a posting schedule? No. When was the last time you stepped outside of your comfort zone? Probably recently? Can't recall what. Do you own a tripod for your camera? Yeah. Would you rather go to London, Paris, or Tokyo? Probably Tokyo. Were you a bigger fan of Lindsay Lohan or Hilary Duff? Hilary Duff. Which Olsen twin was your favorite: Mary-Kate or Ashley, and why? I remember like, nothing about them. Do you make Halloween costumes out of clothes from your closet? If I wanna dress up, that's pretty much my only option. Do you enjoy putting outfits together? I'm indifferent. What does your umbrella look like? It's just black. Do you like stuffed animals? YES. Were there any subjects that you got a perfect SAT score in? If so, what? Well, this is pretty relevant (I need the scores to resume school). I'm so sure I took it, but apparently not... Do you spent more time in your bedroom or your living room? I live in my room. Do you name stuffed animals still? Not usually. Do you still own your favorite Barbie? I wasn't into Barbies. What’s the most rebellious thing you’ve ever done? I dunno. What’s your favorite thing about yourself? I'm really, really passionate. Have you ever celebrated Valentine’s Day when you were single? No. Do you have any family members that you’ve never met? Plenty of my extended family, and then I don't know one of my sisters. If you’re from the US, what states have you lived in? Just North Carolina. Who was your best roommate? Well it was my then-boyfriend, his best friend, his friend's then-gf, and myself, so I'd obviously choose Jason. What types of YouTube videos are your favorite to watch? Mark's ego ones are my all-time favorites, but if you mean like a general category, let's plays. Which do you watch more: TV, YouTube, or movies? I almost exclusively watch YT. Have you ever wanted to be a model? No. What years did you attend prom? '12 and '14. Do you like your name how it’s spelled? I'm fine with it, but I'd prefer "Brittney," as it's spelled more accurately in terms of how it's pronounced. Did you ever want to be famous? No. Who was your first online friend? Emma. Peruse your bookshelf. Which genre dominates? I don't have one/I don't really read. Does mail get delivered to your door or do you have a mailbox outside? There's a box. If you got a gift card for 50 [your currency], what would you get? I'd save it. Are you good at trivia games? Noooo. If you wear makeup, what’s the most outrageous color you use? I don't use anything unordinary, if I even wear any. What’s the longest song you’ve ever listened to? Shit dude, I'm not sure. "Free Bird" is definitely up there. Do you like garlic bread? Give me ALL of it. Would you ever date someone who didn’t believe in marriage? No; I personally want to be married, so that'd cause some issues. I'd also be concerned that they're not as committed to the relationship as me. What’s the funniest book you’ve ever read? I recall Bite Me: A Love Story by Christopher Moore being pretty funny. Do you think most teenagers are becoming vegetarians just to look cool? No? Have you ever tried climbing a tree? No. When’s the last time you ate a taco? I hate tacos. Would you be more likely to kill yourself or die getting shot? Idk. I've lived through suicidal eras before, and I don't see why I'd be a target to be shot. So it's sad to say, but probably kill myself on impulse. I don't see that ever happening, but just answering the question. 3 things you like to learn about: Meerkats, Mark (look I really don't mean it in a creepy way, I'm just genuinely interested in learning about him), and conspiracy theories. What’s something you could debate about for hours? WOW, never make me do that. Debating gives me anxiety attacks in extreme cases. Has anyone ever called you charming? Maybe? Do you own a pearl necklace? No. What chances do you think you have of becoming a divorcee? Very small; I'm super, super picky with relationships and wouldn't dare marry someone if I had doubts. Would you prefer a black or white cellphone, or a bright colored one? Colored. Does your mom, dad, or siblings play any instruments? No. Your last ex: how did you two get together? He finally admitted he liked me, and though I wasn't totally sure how I felt about him (bf or bro), I decided to give it a shot. What’s the best food for sleepovers? You can't fail with pizza. Does your mom dye her hair? Sometimes, when she's annoyed enough by the gray. If yes, does she deny that she does? No. Are ‘personal response’ essays painful to write for you? Back in school, not at all. How far can you run without breaking a sweat? WHOA girl who told you I RUN??????????? Do you/your parents have any creepy pictures or painting up on the wall? I've been told the Silent Hill stuff is creepy. What’s the best kind of video game? (Adventure, shooting, etc) Horror. I just think it's super cool how something not real can terrify you or literally stop you from moving forward. Do you know anyone who has road rage? MY YOUNGER SISTER. How would you react if your mom got a lip piercing? WOW. I'd be stunned all right. What/who do you take the most pictures of? Nature. Have you been in a play? In elementary and Sunday school. Fries or onion rings? Fries. Do you have a grandparent who refuses to go to an old folk’s home? I only have one, and no, she's still capable of caring for herself. Have you ever made an article of clothing yourself? If so, what was it? No. Do you go to arcades? If so, what’s your go-to game at one? No, but I am SO determined to at least go to one with the Silent Hill arcade game that's incredibly rare. If you were a fantasy character, would you be a warrior, a mage or a rogue? Mage. What tempts you frequently? Tattoos the moment I have money in my hand akdslfjawoei. What’s something that will always distract you from what you’re doing? Loud noises or talking at any volume. Who is the most wonderful, amazing person in your life right now? Sara. My Sara Jane 110%. <3 Do you carry a backpack, a shoulder bag, or a purse? A purse. What’s something attractive in a member of your own gender? I'll answer physically and mentally. Physical: godDAMN do hips do it for me. Mentally: an open, questioning mind hungry to learn. What’s something repulsive in a member of your own gender? Physical: just bad hygiene. I don't find any bodily feature in specific as "repulsive." Mentally: A know-it-all, bitchy attitude. Do your pets sleep next to you at night? Roman always starts off in my bed, usually right beside my head (which is SO damn cute), but occasionally he moves around to other places. Teddy also starts off on the bed if he wants up, but typically jumps down after a while to go to the couch instead. What’s the farthest country you’ve met someone from? Irl, Japan. Online buddies, Australia. Who is your favorite movie villain? Harley Quinn from Suicide Squad, probably. Man, mentioning it makes me wanna watch it again. Or maybe Dark Alessa from the first SH movie as she wonderfully played for a child (she's the youngest nominee ever for the Emmy's AND Genies, y'all) and a truly intimidating character. What’s your favorite flavor of mousse? I don't even remember how it tastes. Do you prefer fruit or berries? ... Berries are fruit? But I get what you're asking, and I think "normal" fruit, despite my favorite fruit being strawberries. Have you ever kept a food diary? I don't believe so. Have you ever calculated whether you get enough minerals and vitamins in your diet? Not myself, but doctors have determined I don't. I know I had a sickening deficit of vitamin D, though; I have to take the vitamin twice a week now. Have you ever had a controlling boyfriend/girlfriend? No. Have you ever written a love letter to someone as a joke? That's fucking evil. No. Was your first kiss romantic? It was cute. I guess kinda romantic. Have you ever liked anyone that was in a relationship with someone else? Yes. Have you ever tried to break up anyone because YOU liked the guy/girl? No. Did you ever think someone didn’t like you, but come to find out they really did? I wasn't sure if Sara liked me /romantically/. If you were a school, what would your mascot be? Uhhh I'm not sure. Which of Taylor Swift’s music videos is your favorite? I don't listen to her, nor have I seen her music videos. Do you like your mom’s wedding dress? I don't know if I've ever seen it but in old pictures maybe. Who was the last person to hurt you tremendously? Probably Mom. Have you tried Wii Fit? Yeah, it's a great way to lose weight and tone up. Who did you last make food for? Besides myself, Sara. Have you ever taken a survey while drunk or high? No. Do you have any relatives in a mental hospital? No. Have you ever worn those Drunk Goggles? Yeah, once in D.A.R.E. Can you agree to disagree, or usually get upset over conflicting views? Agree to disagree is pretty easy for me. Rodeos – entertaining, or cruel? FUCK-ING CRUEL. HOW IS IT STILL LEGAL. Who is the best female rocker? Why? As far as singing goes, I looove Angela Gossow from Arch Enemy. The new singer is fine, too. What color of roses do you find the prettiest? A pink/peach gradient sort of one. Or just red. Do you draw fanart of anything? Not regularly at all, but I have before. Do you like the smell of books? Not very much. What’s on your Reading List, so-to-speak, right now? Nothing. Favorite thing to see in museums? Fossils. What things have people shamed you for? Certain controversial opinions, supposedly always wanting pity when I absolutely don't, etc. Do you always reply to private messages? (On any website) Usually, unless they're creepy or it's someone trying to sell a product. Do you like knock-knock jokes? No, I find zero humor in them. Do you prefer earphones or the ear-muff style headphones? Muffs; they block out external sound more and are generally of a higher audio quality. What is one way someone could completely put you off on a first date? Rudeness. What about a way someone could make you like them more on a first date? A good sense of humor. What was the last music video you watched? Did you like it? No clue. Does your voice change when you talk to certain people? Yeah. What’s your favorite chocolate in the valentine box? The ones filled with fudge. What’s your favorite thrift store? *shrugs* Would you ever share your most embarrassing moment publicly? No. Do you eat yogurt a lot? No; not a big fan. What’s a condition you have that you haven’t been officially diagnosed with? None; my issues are diagnosed. ACTUALLY, I still question if I have a tamer form of BPD, but my therapist sees just bipolarity in me, despite fitting quite a few of the qualifiers for an official diagnosis. Oh yeah, I also know I have carpal tunnel, but I'm not diagnosed with it. Which one of your parents do you think is smarter? Oh jeez. I love you, Dad, but Mom is in most areas. My father has ZERO common sense (where I got it from, I'm sure) and has to hear something five billion times before he understands. Which parent do you think you inherited your intelligence level from? Mom. Do you store your bike in a garage for the winter? I don’t have a bike. Have you ever had a professional make-over? No. Have you ever had a professional photo shoot? When my sisters and I were very young, we always got Easter pictures done. As an adult, no. What’s your favorite way to style your hair? I can't really style it much at the length it is, but what I do prefer is having the short hair on the left side of my head positioned towards my face to help conceal the part in my hair that goes from "boy-short" to a bit longer. Also, I just don't enjoy it as much angled down. What irritates you about your daily life? Being alone nearly all day with not a damn thing to do. Doing the same shit every single day gets old. And fast. What makes you feel more creative? Above anything else, MUSIC. It plays such an influence in my drawings and story development. What’s your anti-depressant? Show me Mark laughing his ass off at that stupid "shoosh" thing or watching meerkats be cute. Music can be, sometimes. What’s your favorite fragrance? I'm assuming you mean things like perfume? In that case, something subtle and fresh, like a weak floral sort. Ever found something disgusting in your food while eating out? I don't believe so. Do you ever babysit? No. I did it once in my life years upon years ago for my former neighbor, and while she was a good kid, I was CLUELESS on what to do/how to really interact as much as an adult should with a toddler. Then changing a diaper, jfc. Thank God she hadn't shit in it, because then it woulda been all over. I was only less stressed when Jason came over because hi former man/baby heart throbbing that used to make my abstinent uterus cry, how are ya. We ended up all on the couch together napping, so I mean, I guess mission accomplished???? But yeah, never will again. What is your favorite medication that you take, and why? Latuda + Lamictal played a massive part in literally saving my life. What color hair did your first crush have? Brown, I think? Would you rather do a craft project or a science experiment? Totally a science experiment. What was the last thing you spray-painted? My hair probably for some Halloween event, I think? Do you paint rocks and hide them in your town? ... Is this a thing?????????? Do you have any cousins who look like you? No. What color band and stone does your class ring have? I didn't get one. What’s one thing you are bad at drawing? Hands. HANDS. Can you see the mountains from where you live? No. Did you ever play pranks on April Fool’s Day? Not anymore. Have you ever played a prank and later regretted it? I've mentioned before my sister, our neighbor, and I had a phase of being asshole kids making prank phone calls, so that. Does chronic illness keep you from doing the things you want to do? Not exactly; I guess a good metaphor would be it's like being a chained dog with the leash about to break. I can't seem to get to some places yet, but I'm putting sincere effort into overcoming those limitations. Do you part your hair on the left side, right side, or in the middle? Left. Do you have bangs? No. Do you think you look good with bangs? NO. When was the last time you got an injection? I believe when I was getting a cavity filled at the dentist, so I had numbing shots. How often do you charge your phone? Depends on how much it's used, but maybe every other day, usually? In a house fire, what three things would you save? My mom, dog, and snake. How long is the journey to get to school or work? N/A Where did you meet your best friend? YouTube. Do you use body wash, shower gel, or soap? Body wash. Do you use public transport regularly? No. Who do you usually say hello or good morning first? Mom sometimes or one of the pets. Have you ever had to work while there was a film crew at your work place? No. What’s your favorite color of carnation? I just looked up pictures to remember what they were, and I really like those white and pink ones. Do you/have you worked a job where you could bring leftover food home from? No. Who or what greets you at the door every time you come home? Teddy and Bentley. Do you ever chat about your favorite video games with your friends? Silent Hill, yes. I'm an admin on its wiki, so pay attention to everything that's going on and contribute to blog posts/forums if I'm not a lazy shit that doesn't wanna read long things. Girt and I talk about World of Warcraft occasionally. Have you ever supported anyone’s Kickstarter? If so, what was it? No. What do you like in your omelet? I haven't had an omelet in, God, forever, but I love the ones with American cheese and bits of ham. Are you currently studying a language? If so, which one? None currently. Do you have free tickets for anything that need to be used soon? Idk. How many things do you remember from the first few years of your life? Oh, boy. I have incredible long-term memory, but it only spans back so far, and I don't know how many years qualifies as just "the first few." I'm also HORRIBLE at categorizing events by age. But w/e, just gonna guesstimate like, 1-4. 1.) I watched my insane brother go down the slide of our playset into the essential lake Hurricane Floyd caused in our yard; 2.) lots of things in pre-k, 3.) being babysat, and our first one always gave Nicole and me moonpies; 4.) going to an absolutely awful daycare where I had my hand slapped by a teacher just for unknowingly going into the wrong room to pick up a toy during playtime (I literally sobbed my lungs out until Mom got me, and she never took me back); 5.) mentioning her, I had AWFUL separation anxiety; 6.) I very publicly had a M E N T A L  B R E A K D O W N before I got my blood drawn for the first time (at least at the age where I could understand what was about to happen); 7.) playing with my best friend; and that's all for now. I'm sure there's a whole lot more. NONONONONONO WAIT. So this is super specific, but boy do I remember it. Nap time. Nope. The teacher would have quiet instrumental music on, and I remember so well that if "Für Elise" came on, I would secretly be crying on my "bed" with this random vision of my mom literally melting while looking horrified. Look, I don't. I don't understand either. A child's brain is one hell of an artist. What is something that you would you say you have an advanced knowledge of? Will I ever answer questions like these with anything other than "meerkats?" What is a restaurant that you would never eat at? Anything sketchy, for one. If it doesn't look decently hygienic, I'm not touching anything there. What historical event do you have an advanced knowledge of? HA, none. What is a phrase that you use that you don’t hear many other people use? I dunno. Well, there's "gg" ("good game"=[usually] sarcastic "good job"), which is pretty much gamer terminology; I've said it before in front of people and yeah, didn't understand. Who’s the last person you told a secret to? Either Sara or Mom, idr. Which side of the bed do you sleep on? I sleep more towards the middle of my bed, but I am closer to the left side. Are you currently looking for a job? I'm desperate enough for a job that I'm in vocational rehab. Think that's a sufficient answer. Is there anything currently hurting on your body? Surprisingly not. When was the last time you were told you were cute? *shrugs* Who was the last person to smoke a cigarette in your presence? Dad or Kim, I think. Do your parents really know you? Mom, for sure. I don't feel that Dad truly knows me deeply. Like he's familiar with some things I enjoy and my timidness, but I think that's... kinda it? I mean I'm a whoooole different person from what I was when he left, and there were a couple years before I spoke to him again, so that's a large period of time to change. I do know some of our political/moral beliefs are inverse of each other, and I've got a feeling just from me knowing him that he likely doesn't take mental illness like depression very seriously, and with me being. Me. Disorders are apparently attracted to me. But seriously, as I wrote, I don't know if that's at all true. Honestly who was the first person to tell you they love you? Romantically or platonically? I can pretty much guarantee my mom was the first person to say that ever, but romantically, idk. Probably one of those two boys that wouldn't leave me alone for anything.in pre-k, though I think it's quite obvious neither loved me at that age. Have you ever broken up with someone and become bitter enemies? No. Were you ever obsessed with Vitamin Water? I don't think I've ever even tried it. Have you ever had a weird dream and obsessed over what it might mean? No, as I don't feel they have any strange/"special" meanings. Or do you usually forget about your dreams? And then there's also that. Which languages can you speak? English, some simple German. Which language do you speak the most and why? English, because I was raised speaking it. What celebrities, if any, have you seen naked? None. I know, SHOCKING. Have you ever seen anybody naked by accident? Yeah. Have you ever wondered what somebody looks like naked? Sure. Have you ever had a sexual fantasy about a celebrity? I plead the 5th. Do you think guys look good in makeup? You ROCK THAT SHIT, QUEEN. Do you like using clay and/or peel-off masks for skincare? I like face masks, but it's not something we buy. Instead I just use Biore charcoal scrub. If you have a job, who’s your closest friend at work? N/A Is there an automatic fog light in your yard? No. What’s your go-to activity when you’re bored? Surveys, usually. Have you ever worked in an office? No.

[ralphspina-blog1]

get to know me meme thing

LAST

1) Drink: chai tea... or wait, water after that, but the chai was good enough that it should still be mentioned

2) Phone Call: i last called my parents, the walk in clinic were the last to call me

3) Text Message: “did it turn out alright?” to a friend who accidentally said “i love you” to her bf well before she planed to, lmfao <3

4) Song Listened To: starboy by the weeknd, i still go on tears where i listen to it for hours on repeat

5) Time I Cried: yesterday, i’m pretty sure... i still mostly cry every day, and have been for a concerning amount of time, but eh

HAVE YOU EVER

6) Dated Somebody Twice: more than twice, tbh, i don’t even know how many times we ultimately broke up and got back together

7) Been Cheated On: same person as above, but even more times than we broke up because i was weak

8) Been Kissed By Someone And Regretted It: oh yes indeed, i have not wanted all of the kisses i’ve gotten

9) Lost Someone Special: i’ve lost some incredibly special people in my life. the two i miss most are my cousin (once removed) who passed away when i was about nine, and a former girlfriend (definitely the most serious and meaningful relationship i ever had) who passed away this past november

10) Been Depressed: yeah, i first started seeing professionals about it at 14 or so

11) Gotten Drunk And Puked: lmfao YES I HAVE, that was my life for about six months when i first went to college

THREE FAVORITE COLORS

12) brown

13) green

14) blue

IN THE LAST YEAR

15) Made New Friends: yeah! and i’m so happy :3

16) Fallen Out Of Love: i’m not good at doing that, sadly

17) Laughed Until You Cried: omg yes, i do that about once a week

18) Found Out Someone Was Gossiping About You: no, and i hope no one’s that pressed for gossip because i’m boring af

19) Met Someone Who Changed Your Life: i’m not really sure about that yet, it’s early in the year to know... unless we’re saying since last march, in which case yes, for sure

20) Found Out Who Your True Friends Are: i’ve lost touch with a few people but it wasn’t as harsh as that, more just shedding the social group that was only social because i don’t... go out... these days

21) Kissed Someone On Your Facebook List: in the last year - i don’t think so

HOW MANY/MUCH

22) Facebook Friends: 86

23) Pets: none :(

24) Want To Change Your Name: i did already! in my late 20s

WHAT

25) Did I Get For My Birthday: a couple of new pairs of glasses!

26) Time I Woke Up: oh my god, i think 3:30 am. it was a rough morning

27) Were You Doing At Midnight: trying to sleep...

28) Can’t You Wait For: my next distraction, it’s been a dull day

29) Was The Last Time You Saw Your Mom: she’s sitting beside me on the couch right now!

30) Was Something You Wish You Could Change About Your Life: how it’s played out already - i wish i had finished college the first time. how it is now - just find the energy to do literally anything at all

31) Are You Listening To Right Now: suit and tie by jt

32) Gets On Your Nerves: people who constantly have to be making noise in one way or another, like as a nervous tic, because it does the opposite for me

33) Talked To A Person Named Tom: ... i mean probably, at some point?

34) Is Your Most Visited Website: tumblr, plurk, dreamwidth, youtube

35) Elementary School: it’s been torn down, my dude, it has ceased to be

36) High School: merritt secondary school

37) College: TRU (twice), kwantlen

38) Hair Color: dark ash brown

39) Long/Short Hair: oh god, kind of grown out short?? i need a haircut so tragically

40) Crush: UGH GOD I’M SO ABOUT JPITTS NOW HELP ME

41) Do You Like About Yourself: i guess my ability to see things from perspectives other than my own, or at least consider them?

42) Piercings: ears twice, labret once, all grown over now

43) Blood Type: A-

44) Nickname: maddie is my nickname, really, very few people diminutize it more than that, it’s short for madeline

45) Relationship Status: single and not gonna mingle

46) Zodiac: not only sagittarius, but triple (sun, moon, rising) sagittarius

47) Pronouns: she/her

48) Favorite Show: the last show i saw that really knocked me flat on my ass was stranger things, but i’m always swinging between them too often to have a solid fave. i am deep in hbo war, tho

49) Tattoos: i have six! two on my back, one on my chest, two on my left arm, one on my right

50) Left/Right Handed: right

FIRST

51) Surgery: tonsils when i was 4 or so

52) Piercing: ears, age 12

53) Best Friend: oh jeez, i think his name was nicky...

54) Sport: tee ball

55) Vacation: birch bay, washington state

56) Pair Of Shoes: oh my goodness, i have noooo idea

RIGHT NOW

57) Eating: nothing

58) Drinking: water

59) I Am About To: uuuuuugh i have no idea, maybe nap

60) Listening To: now i’m on dive by ed sheeran, it’s my fav off the new album so far

61) Waiting For: tags, hopefully

62) Want To See: moonlight, so badly

63) Want To Get Married: groans loudly and slides off the couch like tina belcher

64) Career: keeps sliding and groaning

WHICH IS BETTER

65) Hugs/Kisses: hugs are more multipurpose, but kisses are rarer which makes them a kind of treasure

66) Lips/Eyes: that depends, tbh, on whether i’m admiring someone physically or getting to know them on a more mental/emotional level. but if i like someone’s lips, they’ll be incredibly distracting at all times

67) Taller/Shorter: these are all situational...

68) Younger/Older: for friends and other roles in my life, p much irrelevant as long as we get along! romantically, either is fine so long as it’s not such a wide difference that it creates an uncomfortable power dynamic, or just renders us unable to relate to one another

69) Romantic/Spontaneous: OH MY GOD NOT SPONTANEOUS, never ever ever, my anxiety does not take surprises well

70) Nice Arms/Nice Stomach: assuming a “nice stomach” is meant to be washboard abs or smth, definitely arms bc i like a soft, cozy stomach tbh

71) Sensitive/Loud: i’m not really sure what dichotomy this is supposed to present... i don’t think how loud someone is says anything about how sensitive they are

72) Hookup/Relationship: i’ve never been able to hook up, personally, because i don’t have the self-confidence to hop into bed with a stranger. that takes heavy amounts of trust and mutual respect for me. but if that’s how someone does it, i make zero assumptions about them based on that

73) Troublemaker/Hesitant: i think being a troublemaker or mischievous or whatever can be code for straight up not giving a shit about the feelings of others, or even going after them on purpose. if it’s good-natured, though, it’s all good, and i’m so crazy hesitant that i could use someone with that influence

HAVE YOU EVER

74) Kissed A Stranger: no

75) Drank Hard Liquor: yep

76) Lost Glasses/Contact Lenses: lost? no, but broken for sure

77) Turned Someone Down: yes i have

78) Canoodling On A First Date: lmfao HOW DO WE DEFINE CANOODLING HERE... maybe...

79) Broken Someone’s Heart: not on purpose, and not even thoughtlessly, but i’ve had to do things for myself that have hurt people very deeply

80) Had Your Own Heart Broken: oh yeah, absolutely

81) Been Arrested: no

82) Cried When Someone Died: yeah

83) Fallen For A Friend: almost exclusively when it comes to irl crushes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

84) Yourself: oh my god, do i try

85) Miracles: in some senses

86) Santa Claus: well, he’s a mythological figure of sorts, it’s a different sort of belief

87) Kisses On A First Date: they do, in fact, exist!

88) Angels: i believe in presences remaining with a person after death, because i’ve felt them myself, but i don’t know what form i’d call them

89) Love At First Sight: love is an ongoing process, or as massive attack’s teardrop says - love is a verb, love is a doing word

OTHER

90) Best Friend’s Name: laura

91) Eye Color: hazel

92) Favorite Movie: hard core logo

[lavenoon]

1-100 bc fuck you

I I almost regret this 

1: is there a boy/girl in your life?there are a lot of people in my life tho not in an s/o way and not sure if in a crush way

2: think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?my driving teacher and no, fuck him

3: what do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”I think of Litten tbh

4: what’s something you really want right now?poke// mon moon like plllsssss 

5: are you afraid of falling in love?I think a bit which is weird bc I’m craving romance

6: do you like the beach?yeah, tho I don’t like too crowded beaches

7: have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?ye, my sister and I had living room sleep overs quite a lot

8: what’s the background on your cell?

from @dailyrowlet and the pic’s here! I have like almost 50 backgrounds like this one and change them up every few days bc each and every one of their rowlets is a masterpiece 

9: name the last four beds you were sat on?tbh I don’t completely get that question but I guess the last four beds were 1) mine 2) the one in the guest room 3) Tina’s bed bc I visited her and 4) hotel bed

10: do you like your phone?I’m okay with it, it’s lagging sometimes but does its job

11: honestly, are things going the way you planned?well not that I had planned much but no, definitely not

12: who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?Freddy’s, he’s the bf of a friend of mine and I know him too, I’m also in a whatsapp group with him but was too lazy to add his number until recently

13: would you rather have a poodle or a rottweiler?Rottweiler tbh, like, love them

14: which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?emotional pain bc it fucks u up the most

15: would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?not sure tbh, depends probably on the museum

16: are you tired?ye

17: how long have you known your 1st phone contact?oh god I think 5 years maybe? haven’t seen the guy in like two years tho

18: are they a relative?no, an old classmate

19: would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?nooo oh god sorry no

20: when did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?I’m just guessing shared kiss is on the lips so it’d be my ex and like, we saw each other at a friend’s bday party last summer and talked a bit

21: if you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?nah, I’d wait for a few years maybe even bc marriage isn’t everything

22: would you kiss the last person you kissed again?last person I kissed (on the cheek): my sis, so yes, and if only to annoy herlast person I kissed (on the lips): my ex, so no

23: how many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?none

24: is there a certain quote you live by?no not rlly

25: what’s on your mind?my teacher hasn’t mailed me since I sent him the first draft of this rrrllly important essay that I finished last night and I’m getting antsy bc I am allowed to procrastinate but he apparently isn’t

26: do you have any tattoos?nah

27: what is your favorite color?blue/ purple

28: next time you will kiss someone on the lips?how should I know

29: who are you texting?u my bro, if discord counts

30: think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch????? n o i d e a sorry

31: have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?even if yes I’m not gonna think abt it bc I won’t give my anxiety that satisfaction

32: do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?not rlly

33: do you think anyone has feelings for you?I wish my dude I wish but I don’t think so

34: has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?possibly but I have no idea

35: say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?good for him

36: were you single on valentines day?yes

37: are you friends with the last person you kissed?no not rlly

38: what do your friends call you?Tina calls me moon friend sometimes B) otherwise either my birth name or Luna

39: has anyone upset you in the last week?yes, driving teacher, that asshole

40: have you ever cried over a text?definitely I’m a crybaby

41: where’s your last bruise located?rlly far up my thigh and it’s rlly small??

42: what is it from?I wish I knew

43: last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?yesterday during the driving lesson I just rlly did not want to drive around where we drove around and was hella glad when he finally dropped me off at home

44: who was the last person you were on the phone with?my mom this morning

45: do you have a favourite pair of shoes?I think so? never considered them a fave but thinking abt it they might be

46: do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day?only if it’s cold enough and I don’t have to put it off somewhere that’s not home until my next shower

47: would you ever go bald if it was the style?not sure, maybe

48: do you make supper for your family?sometimes, but then always rlly simple stuff

49: does your bedroom have a door?yeah

50: top 3 web-pages?tumblr, ao3 and either kisscartoon or kissanime

51: do you know anyone who hates shopping?yeah 

52: does anything on your body hurt?my back is killing me since this morning

53: are goodbyes hard for you?ye ah

54: what was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?I don’t even remember?? 

55: how is your hair?it’s feeling fine thanks for askingwhat kinda questions

56: what do you usually do first in the morning?reconsider waking up

57: do you think two people can last forever?yes

58: think back to january 2007, were you single?ye

59: green or purple grapes?green, dunno why

60: when’s the next time you will give someone a big hug?maybe tomorrow?

61: do you wish you were somewhere else right now?I don’t know I’m okay in my bed tbh

62: when will be the next time you text someone?t omo rrow??? maybe??

63: where will you be 5 hours from now?in bed and sleeping

64: what were you doing at 8 this morning.sl eepingthese answers are so boring sorry

65: this time last year, can you remember who you liked?no, I don’t even think i liked anyone back then irl, like, fictional crushes don’t count

66: is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?my friends, like, all of them

67: did you kiss or hug anyone today?yes I can’t go a day without cuddles or hugs

68: what was your last thought before you went to bed last night?“fuck yeah finally finished that damn essay”

69: have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?I don’t know I’m scared of trying my best for exactly that reason, like, if I fail without doing so at least I can tell myself it wasn’t my best

70: how many windows are open on your computer?12don’t ask abt the tabs

71: how many fingers do you have?ten

72: what is your ringtone?sea of voices (antics remix) by porter robinson

73: how old will you be in 5 months?still 17 

74: where is your mum right now?in bed, she has to work early tomorrow

75: why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?bc I was more in love with the thought of him liking me instead of rlly loving him

76: have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?ye ah my sis

77: are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?partially, I got some new ones but also lost two v dear to me

78: do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7?no one, I’m p sure

79: is there anyone you know with the name mike?not personally no, not the most common name here in germany

80: have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?I honestly don’t like all these “have u cuddled/ kissed/ held hands/ w/e” questions bc it makes me think I wish I could do that with a s/o b ut n o it’s always related to my family. yes to the question tho

81: how many people have you liked in the past three months?whatromantically? if yes 1 if not no I’m not gonna count

82: has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?my sister and also lucky

83: will you talk to the person you like tonight?m aybe;;;;;; 

84: you’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?bad question can’t relate, I don’t drink

85: if your bf/gf was into drugs would you care?depends on the drugs tbh, and how they showed they’re into it

86: what was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie?the hot cheese sauce for my nachos was cold before the movie started

87: who was your last received call from?my therapist bc she thought she had told me the wrong time for our next appointment

88: if someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you?it doesn’t say living or dead so checkmate I’m gonna burn a dead butterfly and get rich

89: what is something you wish you had more of?motivation. concentration. courage. money. time. owls. the list goes on

90: have you ever trusted someone too much?don’t think so tbh

91: do you sleep with your window open?depends on the weather and season, during summer yes always bc living under the roof is tough

92: do you get along with girls?yes?? I guess??? 

93: are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?I don’t think so?

94: does sex mean love?kinda, like, I wouldn’t do it with someone I don’t love, but it’s not some proof for love or smth, just smth rlly intimate

95: you’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?it’d be a bit awkward but I guess we’d deal with it

96: have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?n o nope

97: did you sleep alone this week?n AH my sis slept in my room twice and also Lucky is my bed buddy always

98: everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?many somebodies actually

99: do you believe in love at first sight?no, love’s not that shallow (imo)

100: who was the last person that you pinky promise?I don’t even remember my last pinky promise

[grunge-optimistic]

i feel like and i know that this is the only place where i can tell you guys all of my thoughts so uhm right now as i’m typing this it’s 11:58pm, 24/06/19, monday.

i am crying right now... uhm it’s cause i miss my bf . and i’m way too attached to him and i jus love him way too much... and he says he loves me more but, i think right now he now realises that i’m not kidding when i told him that i love him more...

so ever since i was little @least on my birthday- every year or close to my bday i’d be told the story of how i’m a mistake and i hurt my grandma when she was born .:: now the thing is... that i didn’t do that to her obviously - i was being born / but then obviously she gotta tell me like every single year around my bday... and just remind me on how i’m a mistake ... ye.

then another thing, my (used to be) best friend (now jus friend) was in class with me and another friend ... my friend, he was tryna get to know my bf right, so then my friend said “oh i wanna meet him” and then he said “oh you wanna steal him too” and she said “no” in a jokingly way, smiled with teeth heaps, and didn’t look @me whilst smiling or anything ... man i really thought telling her .... wouldn’t be a mistake but i guess... idk she can’t be trusted.

so i told my bf that, he said “i love you, i don’t want her” and he even decided to not talk to her but ... he has :/

and i don’t wanna look jealous .... i don’t wanna be jealous but she’s done this to other guys as well.... and idk i don’t wanna lose him... i can’t.

and then another thing.... cause i’m stupid and vulnerable.... i told him that i’m sad when his gone- and it’s true but... that’s cause i don’t wanna live okay - like i wanna reaaaally kms and all - like anytime i passed out @sunday, i was happy cause i was closer to dying / like i don’t wanna live anymore; it’s tiring okay, i’m tired i really am, i jus wanna overdose ... and i think about overdosing every single day.

see i’d tell him about me wanting to die but, when i said that he got sad and i already make him sad @least once everyday (because we texting // he and i aren’t sad when together tho), so i can’t make him really sad or feel sorry for me even more... it’s honestly degrading when your telling somebody all this and they either feel sorry and don’t do anything or.... they just simply don’t care and it’s like : i eXpEcTeD yOu tO sAy sOmEthiNg... i tHouGht yOu cARed thAt’S wHy i cAMe tO yOu! .... but then you jus type ‘oh okay’ whilst tears rolling down your face- it’s like .... i really thought we were like this from both sides but i guess it’s only from your side like i would care sfm if you were to tell me all of this and i’d make sure you were okay, i’d even stay up with you and make sure i’m asleep knowing that your okay, and i want someone to be like that for me-/ i need that for me, i truely feel like i don’t got anybody and man, that feels like the loneliest place in the world.... the entire of last week at school man, i was seriously tryna keep a smile, it worked everytime i’d talk but i didn’t wanna talk @all,

it’s funny cause my friend asked me & told me “your happy all the time, i’ve never seen you not smiling, see even now, when there’s sharpie all over your hands ... your still smiling even when you may be mad.... how?” and then she asked “are you always happy?” and i said “yeah” ... man when i said that, i didn’t know it’d take so much effort to just say a simple ‘yes’, i felt like if i said something else other than yes, i would’ve been ready to break down, right there and then, i already was breaking down in my mind so i’d jus be doing whatever was going on in my head...

anyways, see uhm, whenever my bf is sad, i stay up, or i keep talking to him, i make sure that his alright at least, or feeling better.... but then when he asks me what i’m feeling ... i’ve realised that he don’t want the dark thoughts i get constantly every single day, he wants the light, thoughts - that his dealt with or something ..., but the truth is that none of my thoughts are like that, if they were they’d be easily solvable and i would be happy... but it’s not.... and you know i think in my head ‘what if i don’t tell him what’s going on, i jus act like everything’s fine, jus not tell him what’s going on, how i’m feeling, cause he wouldn’t be able to tell by text’ but then, when i msg him, i get vulnerable, especially when i’m sad or wanna kms, so it shows through, cause usually i text more than two-ish words by text (depending on the context) but i keep the convo going ya know.... so uhm, when i’m sad i somehow jus end up typing ‘ye’ and then nothing else.... and with annnybody else .... i could be crying my eyes out but i’ll give a response as if nothing’s wrong and i’m jus the good ol’ me.. and i wanna do that for him but sh*t, i get vulnerable and it’s soOo fucking stupid..,. like why even ... i just want a good fucking relationship and my mind is like : be honest about this even tho he’ll probably want distance after this thing (whatever it is) but still say it, like cause whY tHe fUcK nOt?! ....

and you know how stupid it is when i really wanna kms and overdose every single day, no joke... i really do want to, and it’s like ‘well... i want to be happy.... can somebody help me?’ but then i remember that whenever somebody asks you if your fine, they don’t want the whole story or sappy story, they just want you to say ‘yeah, i’m fine’ then they’ll move on with the convo or there day... whilst your there, breaking ... and it’s sad but i can’t tell any of this to him, well i have, and ..., rn his at the snow, no wifi, only data so he turns it off when he don’t need it and on when he does, so..., when i told him about the me not being happy without him and all, and explained it .... hE fuCkiNg tUrNEd hiS dAtA ofF!!! like how fucking .... jus why, and he knows that i’m sad and all, i thought he cared man, i really did, like to the point where i care for him; which is ‘no matter what’ but fUcKiNg hELL tHiS fuCKiNg hUrT(s) like wHy ... and he knows how i don’t got people that care for me, he knows my friends and families don’t care, man if they cared, they wouldn’t be like this... i wouldn’t be like this. fUck, this hurts. so fucking much.

see i want him to be happy, so i refrain from telling him anything... but eventually like the friend stealing bf thing, that happened @thursday but instead i told him @monday cause i didn’t want to make him sad or something .,, but it was on my mind.,,, and fuck, man i thought i could tell him anything, like i can but i know i’d be expecting something salty or jus blunt or ... an idc response .,, like whY ... i tOLd yOu thiS cAuSe i thOugHt yOu’D cArE, i nEeD yOu, aLOtT, fUcK my tHouGhtS aRe fUcKinG kiLLiNg mE- and you know what’s worse.,.. is that i’m there for anyone, even my bf, well, especially for my bf.,,, and, nobody seems to wanna be there for me, they ask, but they don’t wanna know, they just want a generic response .... and when i ask, i really wanna know, can somebody please .... caRE? i need someone .... i really do. fuck, it actually hurts, living i just need to sleep forever or something i can’t .,,,

he told me that i can’t rely on him for being happy and then when i ain’t with him i’m sad, and it’s like dOnT yOu thiNk i fUcKiNg kNoW tHat aLreaDy, for weeks / always i’ve been telling him i’m clingy, just recently i said “i think i’m too attached to you” and i said that irl, but when i did, i felt like.... i could’ve broken down right there and then, i just was trying to hold it in, and i had a voice crack when i said it to him.... but i kept it all in, he said i wasn’t ... i couldn’t say much about it or else i would’ve actually broken down... for real/ like i was about to.... so i lied and tried to make the convo go & said “okay”.... to whatever he said- but man, the reason i rely on him for happiness is cause i don’t wanna fucking live okay, i got nothing to live for and that’s sad i know okay, but school is now fucked up, my friends - i don’t trust, and home well- i feel like i always got to watch my back or else i’d die or something... i should actually do that, then i can die .... but see ... i don’t even make myself happy okay, i disappoint myself, when i look in the mirror... so i don’t fucking wanna live for myself. but i’m scared of dying and i’m tired of living .... j just wanna end it, all of it, but then there’s him and then i wanna be a person that saves lives in the future like if i died rn, who’d save those people? they may die— ...

so every single night i’ve either cried or rarely but happy (very rare), but most nights i’ve cried.

i just... want someone to be there for me, like i’d be there for them... but i don’t got anyone like that.,, not even my own boyfriend/bestfriend.

i wish i could tell him all this at once, tell him what i’m thinking ... tell him why the fuck i’m always sad or why i rely on him for happiness but man, i have kinda told him why, and he judged me for it in a bad or salty way.... if i tell him the whole thing well, uh- jus nah.,,,

also after he turned his (fucking) data off, i said if he wanted distance or not to talk or whatever for a while then ye, cause i’m clingy and way too attached...

well there it is, it’s 12:42am, 25/06/19, tuesday, and i am kind of all talked out, this was very theriputic and thanks tumblr for letting me for ranting and having the only place to say everything for what i’m truly thinking- word for word....

— good bye, 25/06/2019, tuesday 12:45am.

[agent-of-empathy]

ALL the numbers >:3

1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now?

My situation with mom is all kinds of messed up

2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone?

I don’t... I wish I did tho

3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care?

I probably would... sorry to any potsmpking future SOs

4: Do you find it easy to trust others?

no

5: What were you doing at 11PM last night?

ART

6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you?

I mean I don’t drink but if I did... you 

7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?

cry

8: Are you close with your dad?

yee

9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right?

lmao I wish

10: What are you listening to?

Nothing, I’m watching firefly

11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it?

cream soda

12: Do you like hickeys?

can’t tell, haven’t had one

13: What time do you go to bed?

11-12 on week days, 1-2 on weekends

14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down?

....yeah

15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both?

pretty much

16: Do you always answer your texts?

no... sorry @ anyone who hasn’t gotten a reply after messaging me I’m v forgetful

17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for?

no

18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?

5 minutes ago... to you :P

19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them?

mhm

20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

“holy hell my head hurts”

21: Is anyone else in the room with you?

a kitty :3

22: Do you believe what goes around comes around?

yee

23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now?

yes and no

24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with?

yeah... well... they’re sort of fixed but... there are still cracks. We can’t talk about the things we used toOhand another personI don’t think it’ll ever be fixed with them...ok now that I think about it there are a lot of people I wish i could fix things with 

25: In the past week, have you cried?

mhm

26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing?

green and gray

27: Do people ever call you by your last name?

yee

28: Is anyone ignoring you right now?

probably

29: Do you have a best friend?

you

30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?

I haven’t kissed anyone

31: Who was your last call from?

i havent had a call in months my phone isn’t working

32: Are you mad at anyone?

mhm

33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

no

34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday?

haven’t kissed anyone

35: How many more days until your birthday?

idk man it’s in a few months

36: Do you have any summer plans yet?

sort of?

37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex?

most of my friends are so ye

38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now?

if I was why would I tell you here :P

39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone?

mhm

40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?

Ihaveneverkissed

41: Do you think age matters in relationships?

to an extent

42: Are you available?

VERY MUCH SO WHY DO U KNOW SOMEONE 

43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended?

one

44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get?

hmmmmm... lip

45: Do you believe exes can be friends?

of course

46: Do you regret anything?

buddy you have nooooooo idea

47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now?

....let’s not go down that rabbit hole

48: Did you ever lose a best friend?

I think I just did...... (not you, an irl friend)

49: Was your last kiss a mistake?

haven’t kissed

50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like?

we both agreed not to have a relationship

51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry?

i have said this many timesno kissy

52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed?

no kissy

53: What was the last thing you ate?

cake :3

54: Did you get any compliments today?

yee

55: Where are you going on your next vacation?

FLORIDA BISHES

56: Do you own anything from other countries?

yeeeamerican shit my dude

57: Are most of your friend guys or girls?

gurl

58: Where have you lived most of your life?

the country

59: When was the last time you took a long drive?

i can’t even remember... but I’m takin one soon :3

60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?

no

61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house?

nop

62: Who do you text the most?

if we count messaging? you

63: What was the last movie you saw?

Rogue One if I’m not mistaken 

64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?

not

in

a

relationship

65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2010?

let’s see if i add... with the square root of.... then you apply.... if x serves.... then that gives usssssss....

00 bf0 gf

66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you?

NO KISSY >:(

67: Do you curse around your parents?

ye

68: Are you happy with where you live?

no

69. Picture of yourself?

have an old one from december

70. Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?

mono

71. Have you ever been dumped?

sort of

72. What do you most like about making out?

the idea of it... since i haven’t done it

73. Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with?

no

74. When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other?

NO

KISSY

75. What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive?

the whole package :P

76. Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?

I don’t remember

77. Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour?

no

78. Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name?

no.

79. What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face?

LITERALLY ANYTHING NICE

80. Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already?

yee

81. Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?

yes

82. Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?

no

83. Do you miss your last sweetie?

didnt have one

84. Last time you slow danced with someone?

prom.... with my mom

85. Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met?

no

86. How can I win your heart?

be nice

be my age

know me

be like... average-looking

that’s it im urs

87. What is your astrological sign?

geminu

88. What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

A R T

89. Do you cook?

ya

90. Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication?

no

91. If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship?

yes

92. Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?

monooooooo

93. What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest?

idk?

94. Name four things that you wish you had:

a girlfriend

a boyfriend

money

an army of puppies

95. Are you a player?

no

96. Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day?

no

97. Are you a tease?

no

98. Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr?

yeeeee i met @emh-milo

99. Have you ever been deeply in love with someone?

not yer

100. Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with?

so many

101. Hugs or Kisses?

y not both

102. Are you too shy to ask someone out?

mhm

103. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?

idk

104. Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe?

VERY

105. If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it?

no

106. Do you flirt a lot?

yes

107. Your last kiss?

I have said this many times and I will not say it again

NO.KISSY.>:(

108. Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2011?

no

109. Have you kissed anyone in the past month?

no

110. If you could kiss anyone who would it be?

not tellin

111. Do you know who you’ll kiss next?

no

112. Does someone like you currently?

you’d know more than I do

113. Do you currently have feelings for anyone?

yes

114. Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?

srs bsns

115. Ever made out with just a friend?

no

116. Are you happier single or in a relationship?

idk I have nothing to compare

117. Your own question that you want me to answer. Just write it.

BRO U DIDN’T WRITE ANYTHING SMH