#oh yeah and anakin is one of my names so. legally even

[phoenixyfriend]

Thoughts on “Auntie Soka and Little Leia” now that I’ve actually got it posted:

Call it a director’s cut! The process of actually writing the thing, and also jokes made along the way. Link to the actual fic.

Unfortunately, I don’t have the energy for image descriptions, even the text screenshots. Might come back that later. Most of this was DMs with @atagotiak​.

This was an entire thing before I even started writing:

Before I decided on ages and stuff Ahsoka, to Jango, who has had zero contact with Kaminoans: Okay I know I'm a Jedi kid so you hate me but this toddler is your clone from the future. Jango, tired: What the FUCK are you talking about. Rex, barely able to talk: Don't you dare leave me with him, Commander! Ahsoka: I'm not going to leave you I just--I'm so tired I'm so fucking tired I haven't slept in five days and someone tried to kidnap Leia two days ago I am so fucking tired I need help

Ben: [twenty years of depression followed by a 'now I'm safe' breakdown over the course of weeks] Sokari: [whatever the FUCK this mess is]

When Ahsoka mentions there only being three other Jedi at the time of her death,  I was thinking Kanan, Yoda, and Obi-Wan (Leia told her about the latter two living past her). She's not counting anyone that received training after the Temple fell, and she didn’t know about Cal.

When Leia says  “I was adopted and raised by one of the founders of the rebellion, a movement built on the desire to instate freedom and democracy in a galaxy that had lost even the pretense.”

Depa: I'm no therapist but I diagnose you with "incredibly fucked up." Ahsoka: yeah, that’s fair

"Why did you pick Depa for--" She's pretty and I'm gay. Also because of the Kanan thing But mostly I'm gay "It's not a visual medi--" GAY

Empty of context beyond general post-fic AU: "Hey Sokari, we need to engage in psychological warfare against this individual and--" "I'm going to break into his office and leave a threatening note on his desk and leave no other sign that I was there. He'll see that his security is nothing and the only reason he isn't dead is because I'm too nice to kill him." "...okay, not what we were planning, but that works. Why is that your first choice?" "I really like breaking and entering, it's soothing." Ben just standing there with a bland smile like This Is Normal.

"We need someone to infiltrate a highly guarded facility in hostile territory." "So we're sending the Torrent kids?" [sigh] "We're sending the Torrent kids."

Rex and Sokari insist on both going by "Torrent" even though Rex could be a Fett. Jango really wants him to be a Fett. Rex has too many grudges to agree to being a Fett for... a while.

I really hope it's blatantly obvious that Ahsoka's not a reliable narrator for some things Ahsoka: Fett could care less if I died Jango: jfc even if you are older than me I can see you're fucked up. Drink your hot chocolate. Hells. She's got good reason to expect him to hate her as a Jedi! BUT. THAT IS NOT REFLECTIVE OF REALITY

We don’t get a lot of actual characterization for Jango, but the way I played him out here is he has never really parsed that Jedi are people before all this. It's a lot harder to treat them as a monolith when the traumatized former child soldier is having regular breakdowns in your shitty little kitchen

Fett: I respect you Ahsoka: No, don't do that

Ahsoka’s vigilantism is something that, in my mind, she's associating heavily with Zygerria and then the clones.

I figured that she never bothered to learn Quinlan’s teacher’s name but in the process of looking up some basic facts (whether he had a surname), I found that Wookiepedia was forced to give us a VERY wide range of possible death in Legends.

Please take a moment to imagine Quinlan's FACE when Ahsoka initially dismisses him. Quinlan has put a lot of effort into being rogueishly charming! It's very useful for his line of work! He knows to expect either irritation or a return flirtation when he acts like this with people his own age! Ahsoka is not flustered OR rolling her eyes and insulting him, she's just ignoring him and it's a bit of a blow to the ego

This just makes me really happy:

This was the initial comment I made, as a joke What if Maul is just. There. On one of the planets they make a pitstop at. What if Maul exists as the walking problem he is, but fifteen, and Ahsoka immediately tries to kick his ass and drag him back to Coruscant. I do not have room for this plot but What If

Despite not having room for this plot, I proceeded to write this plot.

Maul is kidnapped and it’s the best thing that ever happened to him HE'S FIFTEEN HE'S DUMB AS SHIT AND HAS A BAD ATTITUDE AND YEAH HE'S A DARKSIDER BUT HE'S FIFTEEN

Ahsoka: I sense... Maul [takes off sprinting] Rex: [immediately takes Jango's blaster and runs after her] Jango: Wait who Tholme: Who Quinlan: Who Jango: [looks at Leia] Leia: I don't know who that is either! Ahsoka, already wrestling a teenager to the ground: Oh no, you're a child, REX STUN HIM AND GRAB THE CUFFS, I'M SURE FETT OR THOLME HAS SOME

Fighting him isn't even legal, they have NO evidence of criminal wrongdoing, so first she needs to yell until he admits to something she can fight him about

Ahsoka: When I see Maul, it's on SIGHT Maul: WHO ARE YOU

Ahsoka: The Force didn't give me hands just to NOT throw them when I run into That Crafty Son Of A Bitch

Ben, when they arrive, after the tearful reunion: You... you brought Maul. Ahsoka: Well, yeah, he's fifteen and kinda dumb. I figured we could drag him here and force him into therapy, see what happens. Ben: I can't quite tell through the gag, but I think he's threatening to feed you your own spleen. Ahsoka: Lol, yeah.

Ben is absolutely on team "get Maul therapy" and will fight the Council on rehabilitating the baby Sith But also it's like. Here's your daughter! And your niece! And your daughter's QPP! Also your best friend, but baby, and his teacher, and the biological origin of a number of people you cared for deeply! AND ALSO THE GUY WHO SPENT LITERAL DECADES CRAVING YOUR DEATH, FOR SOME REASON

I just really want Ahsoka lovingly bullying Maul She gives him noogies and the horns don't protect him because girl has reinforced gloves

Maul's only allowed a low-power training saber and his fights with Sokari involve Much Taunting by her and Eventual Screaming by him, and everyone pops by to see: 1. Sokari doing the most absurd flips, for fun. 2. The bullshit that is ataru-shien reverse-grip jar'kai in the hands of someone who makes it work 3. What a Sith lightsaber form looks like 4. Just the general nonsense that is the way these two fight

Tia said “Wrt ridiculous flips. I'm remembering that time she beheaded four Kryst'ad at once.” and I just Rex brings up the quadruple beheading at one point to get someone to stop asking questions and the awkward, horrified silence almost makes him regret it. And then Sokari just snorts and makes a joke about how Rex once speared a slaver point-blank and everyone's just like hello??? "are you two okay" "no"

Maul absolutely starts crushing on Sokari after a 'sword under chin' moment and she's just very "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh you're fifteen, bye" GO MAKE PUPPY EYES AT OBI-WAN OR SOMETHING

The crushes are the worst part of everything, really, she's an attractive young woman that can kick a lot of ass, and a lot of people are into that! Unfortunately, most of those people are a decade younger than she is, mentally, because all the people her actual age look at her and see a child on account of the 17yo body.

It’s almost a good thing she’s in no place mentally for a relationship.

I just want Ahsoka to wear beskar.... I think that would be Nice........

This AU is also what caused this post.

I'm deeply enamored by the idea that Ahsoka can win fights against "older" padawans pretty much unilaterally, even when they team up 2v1 And then she offers to fight 5v1 "But only if I have permission to fight dirty." Ben approves it, a horror show full of "I fought many wars and will scream in your face or kick you in the balls if that's what it takes" follows She wins. There are no permanent injuries, but her reputation certainly gets weirder. Nobody under the rank of Knight agrees to let her fight dirty again. She just lets that stand because, well, she's not actually a padawan, she's thirty-three.

I’m not going to write this but my brain was EVIL and suggested it:

IT WOULD BE REALLY SAD IDK maybe 9yo Anakin has nightmares about what's happening to baby Ahsoka because bullshit about time-traveling force bonds IDK ANYWAY he cries to Sokari about the nightmares and she's like "oh shit" and it's time to go rescue herself from motherfucker unlimited

It's either that or she's like, expecting to welcome mini-me aaaany day now, for like, several months, before she realizes Something Went Wrong. Anakin’s dreams could even start right as she’s starting to realize something’s off.

Obi-Wan has never had a padawan that doesn't at some point bite Even Luke will, when pushed

OH also once the twins get Baby's First Lightsaber (training sabers, not real kyber), Sokari begs to borrow them for a dumb joke and tells Rex to get on her shoulders for a "Grievous Greeting" and they do The Thing

Jango and Ahsoka wrt Quinlan is just “Do I need to beat him up for you” “You realize I’ve beaten up sith lords before?”

JANGO'S TRYING He's just. "Can we be friends? Can I--can I be the guy that just noticeably gets in the way of a creep on the subway so you can be more comfortable without someone making a scene? I'm fucking trying here, give me a hint."

We didn’t actually figure out Jango’s age until this point. The only reason Fett's age matters is for Quinlan making a Wild Oats quip after Jango says he didn't know about Rex until a few weeks ago, and Fett going "How old do you think I am? And how old do you think the kid is?" and Quinlan getting Very Awkward as he does the math. Rex overhears and lets Quinlan sweat for a bit before saying "I'm a genetically-modified clone someone grew in a tube, he didn't know or have reason to know until he saw me with Sokari." Which is like. Eight additional layers of WTF, obviously, but at least Jango gets to avoid awkward wild oats jokes

Like, you’d expect the rebuttal to be ‘he’s my brother just with a biiig age gap’ or ‘he’s my nephew’

I find it very unfortunate for Quinlan that I've decided his defining characteristic in this context is going to be repeatedly putting his foot in his mouth

He’s trying so hard but "That sounds like a cool thing, maybe I'll ask ab--and it's another fucking trauma."

I'm doing Ahsoka&Jango t w i c e (there’s another fic where I’m doing it)

It’s just a fun dynamic! So much resentful respect.

Like she's twenty seconds away from calling him a bitch at any given time and he's just there like "I don't like you but I do see you move like you're about to tell an entire building to get on their knees with their hands in the air and I can respect that" Also she's probably much less judgmental about using blasters than Obi-Wan is The Maul subplot actually started with me daydreaming about Ahsoka grabbing a blaster for Reasons

I like the idea of Jango just deciding the most Useful thing he can do is help teach the Smol how to fight. He's AWKWARD around Rex and Soka because he doesn't know if there's anything he CAN teach them.

I didn’t actually plan for Tholme to figure out the age thing, he just SAID it and I had to sit there like Wait.

Ahsoka, Rex & Leia: ahhh, children Tholme: you say that like you aren’t children

I liked getting to write Rex's little "I have worked with all of them, and they're all Terrible" He loves them But They once got stranded on a planet that didn’t exist and Ahsoka died and Anakin killed a god.

There was research and discussion as to whether Ahsoka could win against Tholme but seeing as she held her own against Vader, and fought Grievous at that physical age without dying, etc.... yeah, the only thing holding her back was her body not being what she was used to, and she’s had a few weeks go adjust.

“I miss being able to just jump off skyscrapers” is such a jedi thing

Jango: I'll take the gun back if he tries to leave, they can't get far before--WHAT THE FUCK He knows Jedi are scary but he’s still not really used to just how over the top ridiculous they are He knows how to deal with Jedi in battle, not Whatever The Fuck These People Are Doing

Rex isn't even a Jedi, he's just so used to working with them. “Oh yes time for free-falling without a parachute again, same shit as always.”

Tia: I’m imagining Jango freaking out and Quinlan and Tholme being like. Concerned but mostly exasperated Clearly if they’re jumping off buildings it must be serious? But jfc they could’ve maybe communicated a bit more?

Leia: I want to finish my juice Tholme: Quin, stay with her while we go figure out what those two are doing. Quinlan: Wait what

Jango: Oh now he’s jumping off a building too??? Tholme: Sokari, you are not registered! You can't legally jump out windows yet! Jango: What the hell is going on? Is this normal?

We don’t necessarily know how often Ahsoka and Maul ran into each other after Mandalore. There was the later thing on Malachor, but other than that I'm just going with the idea that they ran into each other every year or two and just went for the eyes like feral cats

Ahsoka: I need to kick ass and you're coming with me. Rex: Yeah, okay. [several minutes later] Rex: Whose ass are we kicking?

Ahsoka and Rex

Neloms aren’t a SW fruit to the best of my knowledge, I just wanted to mess around with lemons/melons

Jango: you didn’t think any of this through, did you? Rex: you were there, you know we didn’t "When the Jedi says to jump out a window, I jump out a window."

Tholme’s real composed about stalking the ancient nigh-mythical enemy of his people, very “Life is already so goddamn weird”

This fic has been so heavy on the trauma but then I introduce Maul and suddenly it's the worst kind of comedy Nobody is competent, everyone's a little dumb, the bad guy is just grocery shopping

My propensity for banter has turned this into a six-person buddy cop comedy about Maul buying grapes They spend a significant amount to time ineffectually stalking Maul before Quin suggests the sensible option Quinlan just "You remember this is my literal job and specialty right"

Ahsoka sees Maul and all her brain cells go out the window except "Fight good" Usually she doesn’t need to worry about doing things legally. Maybe she needs to worry about someone seeing her do illegal things but she spent the past 15 yrs in a place where her existing was illegal

I feel like he’s also maybe kinda wanting to reassert that yes he is competent. Bc like. Ahsoka’s been kinda condescending this whole time and also can beat everyone up so. It's not his fault that he's actually the youngest person there, but.

Jango is finding this whole being friendly to Jedi thing a lot more overwhelming than he thought it would be. And overwhelming in different ways.

Maul usually signifies things getting worse and more horrifyingly tragic but he's just a dumb teen that they needed to arrest for his own good.

Quinlan: Look, I'm useful! Ahsoka: I've been through hell, wanna hear? Quinlan: NO. I DON'T. WHY.

Quinlan: I understand the concept of joking about your traumas, I do it sometimes myself! But sith hells that’s a lot of trauma.

Quinlan just wanted her to treat him as a Competent Individual, and here she is whipping out stories about Dying and Gods and the Force insists it's the truth and he just???? And apparently emo darksider over there is a Sith. And just, sure. Why not

A lot of people’s interactions with the time travelling disaster lineage is just

Tholme and Fett arguing and  Ahsoka's just waiting for a moment to pop in with "Hey, when's the last time either of you worked with the other's culture before this mess? Yeah, that's what I thought."

Much like Leia and Ahsoka hurting each other earlier, and Tholme figuring out the de-aging, we ALSO have Fett’s confrontation with Ahsoka being something the characters just did, rather than something I planned.

FTR the only time I managed to trigger myself while writing this fic was the “your behavior isn’t actually acceptable and we’ve all been trying really hard to give you room to recover but you have to at least make an effort to not be a bitch”

Writing about people having PTSD and symptoms of such: Yay! Writing about people having PTSD and engaging in toxic behavior to cope: Shit Ahsoka had... basically my exact reaction. It's "remind yourself that you're in the wrong, that they have a point, and then be overly formal in the apology because fuck if you accidentally make them feel sorry for you when they're the injured party"

Quinlan: Can we be friends? I mean, you're an asshole, but you're really cool. Let's be friends. (He MIGHT be nursing a crush) (Neat mysterious girl who can beat him up.)

Also he realises she's probably nicer when not having a slow-motion breakdown He's like "Huh, you'll probably be less of an asshole once you've gotten therapy."

...also, she pretty and got Nice Biceps

I love writing a good mental breakdown

I was so close to including a "he tried to kill me" just early enough for Jango to wildly misinterpret as her thinking Quinlan tried to kill her. He'd have been very confused, considering Quinlan's the one that called them down in a panic and currently has Ahsoka having her massive breakdown in his lap But

Tia:  I could see Jango interpreting it as idk, Quin resembling someone or for a moment acting like someone who tried to kill her and she had a flashback or something like that

There's absolutely room for a couple reasonable interpretations there And "trapped in a flashback about someone who tried to kill her" is absolutely what's happening! Just. You know. For a different reason. Jango probably wouldn’t assume Quin would hurt her, for one thing he seems to like her, for another even if he did he’s smart enough to pick a way that wouldn’t be so likely to get him caught

I had to step back and actually say “Also I'm just. Wow. I'm really just shoveling QPP Rex&Ahsoka at full speed”

Me, a few weeks ago, joking: Two halves of the same idiot black ops specialist Me, now, entirely seriously: Two halves of the same idiot black ops specialist

Me, belatedly: Oh, Ahsoka being joyfully mean to people was a form of mania she was unconsciously using to build a barrier between herself and her impending meltdown

She went from "just died" to "in charge of Rex and Leia" in like. Two minutes.

Confession: I've been delighting in the mental image of this whole Mess leading Jango to try to retake Mandalore, and Ahsoka loans him a saber for a 1v1 to get the darksaber.

“Can’t I just fight him barehanded? That’s how I did it on Galidraan.” "But the drama, Fett!"

Probably Rex has learned how to use a saber as well, because you never know when you have to borrow a weapon

I later changed my mind to Jango asking her to help, rather than her just sneak-teaching him, but it was funny.

Background nonsense to all this is Ahsoka and Rex, despite Rex being as force-sensitive as a lump of coal, having developed a process where she can extend her sensitivity to him mind-to-mind for weird symbiotic battle trance that scares everyone around them. It’s very similar to Battle meditation.

CONTEXT FOR LEIA BEING WORRIED ABOUT THOLME HIDING THINGS: Tholme is hiding the fact that the Council reached out and told him that the people he picked up might be connected to Ben and Luke, who showed up after the Depa thing but a solid week and change before Jango's ship makes it to the Temple. They asked that he not share that information to avoid getting anyone's hopes up in case the two situations aren't related. Ben and Luke haven't shared enough information for anyone to really be sure if the other three are connected Because the info Tholme has isn't quite the info Jango has, etc. And they can't just say Ben is a future Obi-Wan over comms

I just have a lot of feelings about people trying to do something right and just. Nobody's at fault! Not really! It's just complicated!

Tia: I like how when Ahsoka isn’t doing maladaptive trauma response stuff she’s very mature. And of course she’s had to be but it’s a good like, contrast. Where when she slows down to think about things she’s very sensible

Jango just spends most of this story lowkey wanting Ahsoka to Be His Friend but there's too much baggage that he's only metaphysically responsible for

Local aroace(?) has a squish

Ahsoka: He just wants to get on my good side because of Rex. Jango: I'm pretty sure you could kill an entire army without trying but you wouldn't because you have actual morals and stuff... and when I met you it was because you were killing yourself trying to keep (what appeared to be) children safe... you seem cool please be my friend.......

Ahsoka’s #1 weakness: mountains of trauma Ahsoka’s #2 weakness: she just doesn’t get why so many people think she’s cool and want her to be their (girl)friend

Jango, a 27yo massacre survivor who's killed Jedi masters with his bare hands: [gets lectured on various government structures by a tiny girl that's missing several teeth and needs to sit on books to see the table properly]

Ahsoka was raised in a religious meritocracy but developed all her opinions during a galactic war and then became a vigilante spy, Rex comes from a military cult, Leia is from an inherited monarchy that participates in democracy, Quinlan was originally from what appears to be a dynastic dictatorship, and IDK about Tholme other than that he is also from the religious meritocracy. And in legends Quinlan came to the religious meritocracy after his aunt sacrificed his parents to a vampire cult and then forced him to experience the psychometric echoes of that. There's just. A lot going on.

Leia at least has knowledge about structure and admin in theory that isn't based in either the military or populations under 10k

Jango: I want to be your friend. Ahsoka: Sounds fake.

I am unfairly fond of "Rex destroys a conversation by bringing up his own horrifying childhood and calling it a cult"

"Why does Sokari call you 'Rex'ika'?" "Because she's older than me." "...can I--?" "No."

Nickname privileges are extended ONLY to Ahsoka and older clones. There are no more older clones, so it's just Ahsoka.

Me joking about Star Wars AUs: Would you like a crackship? Me writing actual Star Wars fic: My favorite character type is apparently “too traumatized to have a relationship” so this is at least 90% gen.

I had to pull a scene opening at one point because Ahsoka's skill with not getting shot is actually much less useful than Tholme's clearance levels.

Now I really want a team-up of Ahsoka, Rex, and Jango where they do have to get in a dogfight of the "she flies, we shoot" variety and Fett just has to scream because the speeder thing to catch Maul was one thing, but this....

Ahsoka, before TCW: I know all the traffic rules but I'm not that great at flying! Ahsoka, after TCW: I'm great at flying but if you let me behind the wheel we are absolutely getting arrested.

She went from "knows the rules but doesn't have the skills" to "has the skills but primarily in the form of not getting shot" which! Is delightful! "Bet I can get us through that alley--" "DO NOT"

Jango and Ahsoka are both just very "Is this friendship? Is this camaraderie? My heart's been fried on platonic love by so many murders that I'm not sure anymore." "I've lost a lot of friends. I kind of forgot how to make those."

I have no idea if "hasn't been closer than Alderaan except that one trip to Chandrila" is canon-compliant but ehhhhhhhh It feels plausible enough?

Belatedly realized that I could just explain my optimal Rex&Ahsoka dynamic as just... drift compatible. It's vague enough on the specifics while still digging into the meat of what they mean to each other and how they work together. The terminology is already in existence. I can just use it.

Romantic? Platonic? Familial? Doesn't matter! They're drift compatible.

They are important to each other and that is what matters

I really like the Leia&Quinlan thing. He's just like "This small child needs a friend that isn't super depressed," and decided he's going to be her friend. I keep trying to toss in "Quinlan volunteers to 'baby'sit." She's not much older and she has a Baby Brain, it works out

There's a running bet as to whether Leia will leave the Order the second she turns thirteen, or if she'll let Sokari "train" her for a few years first. And... that’s how I came up with Leia Antilles, Senator of Serenno.

They'll be bullshitting Ben as her new master to "finish out the padawanship" since they can't tell everyone she's really in her thirties and he's conveniently there and already knows everything and was half her master anyway. Like Ben was planning on taking on Luke, but Luke is "six" and even he can't swing that as old enough to be a Padawan, and it's not like Sokari will take more than a handful of years to justify knighthood, sooooooooo

[dettiot]

Fic: Bench Trial

Title: Bench Trial Author: dettiot Rating: T

Summary: Padmé Amidala is one of the youngest judges ever appointed to the Washington, D.C. bench. Anakin Skywalker, a Marine veteran, is now a private investigator. They might not have ever met, if Padmé’s friend Satine and Anakin’s foster brother Ben weren’t a couple. 

Notes: Written for Anidala Week 2020 for Day 4: Modern AU or Fusion/Alternate Fandom. I kinda adore modern Anidala AUs, and when I had the idea to include Anakin and Padmé in my Obitine lawyers AU, I took the opportunity and ran with it!

This is set in the future of Opposing Counsel, my Obi-Wan/Satine modern lawyers AU, so if you’d like to check it out, it’s available on Tumblr or AO3. Thanks for reading!

Bench trial: A trial without a jury, in which the judge serves as the fact-finder.

XXX

Padmé took her seat, setting her briefcase down by her chair and crossing her legs. As much as she supported anything to bring more women into the legal profession, and liked being able to socialize and interact with her coworkers, she wasn’t sure if she’d be able to stay awake during tonight’s seminar. Her workload as a judge was much more extreme than before, when she had been a defense attorney. It was like there weren’t enough hours in the day. And the only way to get through all her work was to cut back on her sleep. 

A tall, imposing blonde woman sat in the chair beside Padmé, speaking softly on her cell phone. From the tone of her voice, it was someone she cared about. “Of course Anakin’s welcome to stay. We’ve got plenty of room and besides, it’s better when there’s someone around to remind you to eat and keep you from falling asleep on top of your legal pads.” She paused, listening, then laughed softly. “Me, too. I’ll see you at home. Bye.” 

She hung up and looked at Padmé with a not-at-all-sheepish smile. “Men. So helpless without us.” 

Chuckling softly, Padmé nodded. “I agree.” The blonde looked familiar to Padmé, but she still held her hand out. “Hi, I’m Padmé Amidala.” 

“Satine Kryze,” the blonde said with a firm, no-nonsense handshake. “You’re the judge who was appointed recently, yes?”

“Just about a year ago,” Padmé confirmed. “I think I’ve seen you at other events . . .?”

“Yes!” Satine’s eyes lit up. “I was on the affirmative side in our Equal Rights Amendment debate.” 

Padmé nodded as she remembered. “You were amazing. Of course, it’s hard for any woman to argue against the ERA, but I thought you supported your position in a very innovative way.” 

“Thanks,” Satine said with a smile. “I had some help from the other side.” 

Before Padmé could ask for more, the speaker was introduced and she leaned back in her chair, doing her best to push down her yawn. While the topic was interesting, it quickly became clear the speaker was not very talented at presenting her argument, and it was all Padmé could do not to nod off. 

After a half hour, she felt a hard elbow in her side and jerked her head up, looking around. She saw Satine smirking a little and couldn’t help a small laugh. 

“You want to get out of here?” Satine whispered. 

She took in the glazed eyes of the other listeners and the bumbling words of the speaker, then looked back to Satine and nodded. 

Without any shame, Satine rose to her feet and stepped past Padmé into the aisle. Scrambling a bit to grab her briefcase and follow Satine, it took her a few moments to catch up to the blonde. 

Once they were out of the room, Satine said, “Normally, I’m more willing to give the benefit of the doubt, but I just couldn’t take any more of that speaker.” 

“I know,” Padmé admitted with a smile. “Thank you for the rescue.” 

“How about a drink?” Satine said. “My place is just a few blocks away, and my boyfriend has a weakness for very good Scotch and very crappy beer.” She grinned encouragingly at Padmé.

There were a dozen briefs in her briefcase, waiting for her to read them. Not to mention the stack of legal journals at home, besides the laundry she should have done last night and other chores.

But Satine’s smile was so welcoming and Padmé couldn’t deny she would like a break. So with a smile of her own, she nodded. “All right.” 

“Excellent,” Satine said. “Let’s go. We can order some dinner, too. This way!” 

Padmé walked with Satine, feeling a jaunty spring in her step. “Have you and your boyfriend been dating long?” 

“About a year,” Satine said easily. “We dated in law school, but then we broke up rather acrimoniously and didn’t reconnect until after I moved to D.C.” 

“How lucky that you could start over,” Padmé said, feeling a slight flutter of envy. Not that she had any boyfriends in her past that she’d want to date again, but it was nice to think that you could get a second chance at love. 

Satine nodded. “It was hard to get here, but it was all worth it. You probably know of him--Ben Kenobi, from the prosecution office?” 

“You’re dating a prosecutor?” Padmé asked with a blink. Because unless she missed her guess, Satine was a defense attorney.

“I know, I know,” Satine said, rolling her eyes. “I’m working on Ben, though. We’ve talked about opening our own law firm in a year or two, once we have enough capital.” 

The rest of the walk passed quickly as Padmé and Satine exchanged information about local law firms and their client bases. 

Soon, they arrived at a modest-looking brownstone on a side street off Dupont Circle. Satine climbed the steps and opened the front door, stepping inside. “Ben? Are you here?” 

“Coming, my dear!” came a distinguished-sounding voice, and within a few moments, an auburn-haired man with a beard and a twinkle in his blue-gray eyes appeared in the hall. 

“Hello, my love,” Satine said, smiling brightly at Ben before kissing him softly. 

He was enthusiastic in his response and Padmé looked away, feeling her cheeks flush. 

Satine smiled a bit apologetically at Padmé when Ben finished kissing her, while the man in question looked at Padmé and smiled. “Good evening.” 

“Ben, this is Padmé Amidala. We snuck out of a very boring presentation, and I invited her over for a drink.” 

“Welcome to our home, Padmé,” Ben said, shaking her hand. “I’m afraid neither Satine nor I are much in the way of cooking, but we do have a fully-stocked bar. What can I offer you?” 

She couldn’t help but be charmed by Ben. With a smile, she said, “I would love a martini, if it’s not too much trouble. That should tide me over until we decide what we’re ordering for dinner.” 

“Brilliant,” Satine said. “Make it two.” She kissed Ben’s cheek, then turned to Padmé. “The menus are in the kitchen.” 

“Sounds good,” Padmé said, taking a step to follow Satine. 

There was the sound of a door opening, and Ben said in exasperation, “Anakin, really?” 

“You said Satine was out!” said another man--Anakin, Padmé supposed--as both she and Satine turned around.

And then Padmé’s eyes nearly fell out of her head. 

Because she was not expecting to see a tall, handsome, practically naked and dripping wet man in Satine’s hallway. 

XXX

He was going to kill Ben. It didn’t matter that he was his foster brother--his father in some ways--the man who had helped him get off drugs, the one who had changed his life. 

No, he was going to kill Ben for letting him step out of the first-floor bathroom wearing just a towel, in front of Ben’s scarily intimidating girlfriend and a complete and total stranger. 

A really hot complete and total stranger. 

Anakin gripped his towel tighter with his flesh hand, feeling grateful his new prosthetic arm could stay on when he showered. He was already embarrassed enough, he didn’t want to deal with explaining why he was missing his right hand and forearm, too. 

Especially with how the really hot complete and total stranger was staring at him. 

Doing his best to smile, he said, “Hey, Satine. Sorry about this.” 

“Oh, no, don’t apologize. This is incredibly entertaining,” Satine said, her arms folded across her chest and a wide smile on her face. 

“Cool, I guess,” he said, glancing at the stranger again. She was beautiful: long brown hair put up in a twist, big brown eyes, and delicate features. Her whole face looked like something out of an old painting: expressive and regal. Like a queen. 

“Anakin, perhaps you might go back in the bathroom and get dressed?” Ben suggested, his face impassive but his eyes dancing with amusement. “Then you can meet Padmé properly.” 

Padmé. He’d never met anyone named that. Just like he’d never met anyone with his name. And . . . he was staring at her now. Anakin was sure his blush went halfway down his chest, but he wasn’t about to look down and see.

“Right, yeah--good idea,” Anakin said, stumbling a little. “See you in a bit.” He couldn’t help meeting Padmé’s eyes one more time before he turned and went back into the bathroom. 

He leaned his ear against the door, trying to hear if they were saying anything--if Padmé was saying anything about him--but all he heard was footsteps. Blowing out a breath, Anakin took his towel and finished drying off quickly. He pulled on his jeans and a faded black t-shirt, then ran his hands through his hair, looking at himself in the mirror. 

The same blue eyes with a scar cutting across his right eyebrow, straight nose and pronounced jawline greeted him. Anakin wasn’t vain and he didn’t worry too much about his looks, but in this moment, he wondered if maybe Padmé had liked what she had seen.  

Acting like a damn fool was nothing new to Anakin Skywalker. Especially in front of an amazingly beautiful woman. Hopefully, he could go and talk to Padmé and make her forget just how big an idiot he had acted. 

Anakin stepped out of the bathroom and heard voices coming from the kitchen. When he stepped into the kitchen, which was open to the dining and living rooms, he found Ben at center stage, making cocktails, flirting with Satine, and joking with Padmé. The sight of a smile on Padmé’s face, the sparkle in her eyes, made Anakin want to be the one making her look like that. 

“Hey,” he said, giving everyone an embarrassed smile.

Satine gave him an evil grin. “Hi, Anakin.” 

Rolling his eyes, he looked at Padmé and smiled, holding out his hand. “Hi. I’m Anakin Skywalker. I’m Ben’s foster brother.” 

“Hello,” Padmé said, taking his hand and shaking it, her palm soft and cool against his. “Padmé Amidala. I met Satine at a lecture tonight, and she invited me over.” 

He nodded and smiled at her. “Nice to meet you.”

Her small nod and smile, before turning to talk to Satine, made Anakin’s heart fall. He waited a moment to see if he could join their conversation, but since he was the only one in the room who wasn’t a lawyer, it quickly became clear that he couldn’t add much to a discussion of some weird old law. 

With a sigh, he went over to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water. He took a long swallow as he tried to readjust his outlook. Sometimes an embarrassingly, sexually-charged meet-cute didn’t go anywhere. 

“Okay there?” Ben asked quietly, mirroring Anakin’s lean against the countertop.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Anakin said with a sigh. “I just let myself get carried away, again.” 

Ben gave him a sympathetic smile. “It’s one of your best qualities, Anakin: how you meet people and immediately connect with them. I envy you for that quality.” 

It had to be some kind of witchcraft, how Ben could settle him down. Ever since they had first met, when Ben was serious and too mature at sixteen, and Anakin was a rambunctious and grieving nine-year-old, it had been like that. Although the death of his mother would always be the worst thing that had ever happened to him, having Ben drift out of his life was up there. 

Anakin was grateful they had reconnected ten years ago. And he was glad that Ben had gotten back together with Satine, because he had never seen his foster brother so happy as he was now. He just . . . he wanted some of that happiness for himself.

“I just . . .” Anakin said softly, glancing over at Padmé. “She’s amazing, and I don’t even know her. So how much more amazing would she be if I did get to know her?” 

Giving him a gentle pat on the shoulder, Ben smiled. “Let me see what I can do.”

“What? Ben, no--” Anakin hissed, but it was too late. Ben was already crossing over to stand in front of the counter where Padmé and Satine were sitting and talking quietly. 

XXX

She knew Satine wanted to rib her about her reaction to Anakin. Even though Padmé has just met her, it’s blatantly obvious. But all it took was a look from Ben as they sat down, and Satine drew Padmé into conversation about other things. 

But it was still pretty clear how amused Satine was by Padmé’s gawking. 

Amusement was the last thing Padmé feels about her reaction to Ben’s foster brother. Because . . . she didn’t know she could react to a man like that. With an immediate, complete, and total surge of lust and desire and want.

Even as she kept up her end of the conversation with Satine and laughed at Ben’s jokes as he made their martinis, Padmé was trying to analyze just what happened in the hallway. Why the sight of Ben’s foster brother, dripping wet, wearing just a towel, was just so . . . inspiring. 

Padmé crossed her legs and mentally stuck her tongue out at herself. Because there was an easy answer to why she’s feeling like this.

Anakin was incredibly, beautifully, hot. 

Tall and lean? Check. Broad shoulders tapering to defined abs and a narrow waist? Check. Strong, athletic legs? Check. 

And that was even before she got to his face. That jawline--those lips--and his eyes. Padmé always thought blue eyes were cold, remote. But Anakin’s were warm and intense and so alive. 

It was his eyes, and the scar crossing by one of them, that kept him from being too pretty, too perfect. And she wondered what his story was. 

Being in foster care must have made for a difficult childhood. But there was such warmth and affection between Ben and Anakin. So she wondered . . . 

At that moment, Anakin stepped into the kitchen and Padmé almost groaned. How could he be just as hot in clothes? It was only a pair of jeans and an old t-shirt, but with bare feet and damp hair, he was gorgeous. 

“Hey,” he said, smiling apologetically at all of them, but his eyes seemed to linger on Padmé. 

Now that both of them were in the same room, Satine seemed even more excited to cause mischief. Anakin ignored her and held his hand out to Padmé, introducing himself. 

When she touched his hand, she nearly sighed at how warm his skin was. How nice it felt. It was like sinking into a bubble bath at the end of a long day. 

What was wrong with her?

She had to turn away and start talking to Satine to keep her composure. She could see, out of the corner of her eye, how Anakin deflated a bit before going to the other end of the kitchen. 

“You know, Anakin’s single,” Satine said quietly. “And I tease him, since he’s Ben’s younger brother and he’s easy to tease, but he’s a good man.” 

“I don’t have time for dating,” Padmé said emphatically, because it was the truth. She hadn’t even really had the time for the seminar tonight, but had told herself that it might be worthwhile down the line. This? Spending time with Satine, hanging out at her house? How could that be worthwhile?

A tiny voice inside her said, “Worth isn’t a value in friendship,” but Padmé tried to ignore the voice. 

“And I thought that, too, when I moved here,” Satine said. “But then my sister got stationed at Quantico, and I buried the hatchet with Ben and started dating him. And I met Anakin, and his foster sister Ahsoka, and . . .” She shrugged her shoulders. “Sometimes, you meet people that make you rebalance your whole life so you can spend time with them.” 

Padmé took a healthy swallow from her martini. “I know. But . . . I have a duty to the court, to justice. I want to be on the Supreme Court someday. And that means working as hard as I can to achieve that.” 

“All right,” Satine said, smiling a bit sadly. “I like you, Padmé, and I don’t have a lot of friends here in D.C. So I hope this isn’t the only time we can do this. Because our jobs are hard and it’s nice to have some support.” 

Although she doubted Satine was trying to make her feel guilty, Padmé looked away in regret. Because she liked Satine, too, and she definitely didn’t have friends in D.C. Her parents still lived in Connecticut, and while Padmé loved her sister and brother-in-law and nieces, getting out to Houston to visit them was nearly impossible. 

Maybe . . . maybe she was looking at this in the wrong way. Maybe instead of the law seminars and professional organizations, she . . . just needed to make a friend. Someone who was also in the legal profession, so she understood the challenges, but more than that, Satine just seemed fun. 

“You’re right,” Padmé said. “I . . . I’m sorry if I was rude. I didn’t mean to be. And I’d like us to be friends.” 

Satine smiled brightly and lifted her glass. “Cheers to that!”

They clinked, Padmé smiling back, as they both finished their martinis. 

“Ladies! I have an idea.” 

“Oh?” Satine asked, smirking at her boyfriend. 

Padmé grinned a little in embarrassment at the answering smirk Ben sent Satine, before he looked at her. 

“Actually, I thought we could send Anakin and Padmé over to the Thai place to pick up some food for all of us,” Ben said. “They don’t deliver, but the food is simply amazing and well worth the walk.” 

With Ben being shorter than Anakin, it was easy for Padmé to see Anakin’s flushed face and eyes that looked anywhere but at her. And . . . something twisted inside her, something soft and silent, that made her want to listen to her heart instead of her head. 

“Sounds good to me,” Padmé said. “I love Thai food.” 

Anakin’s head jerked up, his eyes immediately meeting hers. Then he smiled brightly. “Thai is awesome.” 

Smiling back at him, Padmé hopped off her stool. “What do you guys want?” she asked, looking at Ben and Satine and nearly giggling at their matching confused looks. 

“Chicken pad thai,” Ben said after a moment’s hesitation and a look at Satine. 

“Tom kha soup with tofu and an order of basil fried rice for me,” Satine said, grinning at Padmé.

“All right,” Padmé said, grabbing her purse and turning to Anakin. “Ready?” 

He nodded and smiled even wider. “Ready.” 

XXX

As they stepped out of Ben and Satine’s place, heading towards the Thai place thanks to the GPS on Padmé’s phone, Anakin couldn’t help looking at Padmé. 

Because . . . something had changed with her. She was smiling, looking at him . . . acting so much more open. 

It made all his hopes roar back to life. 

“So . . .” he said, shoving his hands into his pockets. “What do you do?” 

“I’m a judge,” Padmé said, her voice even, looking at him with a slightly-raised eyebrow. 

He had dated enough to know when a woman was giving him a test, but he wasn’t about to hold back his honest opinion. 

“Wow,” he said, looking at her with even more respect. “That’s amazing.” 

Padmé’s smile was so warm and dazzling, he felt a little dazed. “Thanks. I’m really happy in my job--the only bad thing is how much time it takes.” 

“I know what you mean. Well, not exactly,” Anakin said, feeling a flicker of self-doubt. “I mean, my job isn’t a normal nine-to-five, so . . .”

“What do you do?” she asked, sounding interested. 

“I’m a P.I.,” he said. “Ben helped me get into it after I got out of the Marines.” 

Her head tilted and then she smiled. “I thought you seemed to have a military bearing to you.” 

He wondered if that was why she had stared at him when they first met--she thought he stood like a soldier. And not because she was checking him out. 

Giving his head a shake, Anakin tried to focus. “And now you’re friends with Satine. Because believe me, if she meets you and she likes you, she will adopt you. That’s how it was with me.” 

Padmé let out a soft, beautiful laugh. “Yeah, I’m getting that. But . . . it’s nice. To have someone who knows themself and doesn’t have to spend hours deciding something.” 

“It sounds like you speak from experience,” Anakin said, grinning at her. 

Her answering grin made her look so fucking adorable, it was all he could do not to beep her nose or kiss her senseless. 

“I just might,” she said, and Anakin made himself keep the conversation going as they walked towards the Thai place. 

“I am not a thinker,” he said as he held open the door of the restaurant for her. “I just . . . do stuff. Whenever I get the idea.” 

“Oh?” she asked, stepping under his arm. “That sounds scary. But also . . . freeing.” 

Anakin shrugged and grinned as he followed her. “You should try it. Like . . . in this situation, would you spend fifteen minutes deliberating over what you’d get?” He gestured up towards the menu board.

“Not . . . not that long . . .” she said awkwardly. 

Lifting an eyebrow, Anakin smirked at her. Padmé flushed a little, but then half-heartedly shoved at his shoulder. 

“You want to be more impulsive? Just look at the board and order something,” Anakin suggested. 

Padmé craned her head back and took in the menu, her lips pursing a little. Then she sighed. “I can’t . . . partly because everything looks good, but also because . . . what if I make the wrong choice?” 

He nudged her shoulder with his own. “It’s Thai food, not a murder trial.” 

Rolling her eyes at him, she said, “Okay, then let’s put the shoe on the other foot for you. Look at the board and order for me.” 

Oh, she was . . . she was a little bit evil. Because . . . what if he made the wrong choice?

Ankin took a look at the menu board, then looked back at her, seeing how she had folded her arms over her chest. Her whole air was downright smug, and he felt himself rise to the challenge. 

“Okay, it’s on. But, because I’m a nice guy: how spicy do you like your food?” 

“Thank you for asking,” Padmé said with a grin. “Mild, please.” 

With a nod, Anakin took in the board. After about a minute, he nodded and stepped up to the counter. 

“What? You’ve decided?” Padmé said, sounding a bit panicked. 

“Trust me,” he said, before smiling at the clerk. “Hi, we’d like a chicken pad thai, tom kha soup with tofu, an order of basil fried rice, pad prik king as hot as you’ll make it, and--” He paused and looked at Padmé. “Are you a vegetarian?” 

She shook her head, looking up at him as she gnawed a little on her lower lip. Anakin grinned and turned back to the clerk. “And a chicken green curry, please. That’ll be to-go, thank you.” 

The clerk nodded and put the order in, giving Anakin the total. He pulled out his wallet, then gently nudged away the outstretched twenty Padmé was offering him. “I’ve got this.” 

“All right,” she said, putting away her money and watching him. He could feel her eyes on him, which made Anakin stand up a bit straighter. With that taken care of, they both stepped away from the counter, waiting for the food to be ready. 

“You made that look so easy,” she said, gazing up at him. 

Anakin shrugged. “I know what I like, but I also like to take a chance. What’s the worst that will happen? I’ll have to eat Ben’s bland old chicken pad thai? Oh, well.” 

Padmé smiled a little, but she was still thinking things over. He could practically see the gears turning in her head. Which was incredibly attractive, honestly. He hadn’t ever dated women that were necessarily intellectual--they were smart, but Padmé was a whole different level. And as he watched her think, he wondered if she had any idea how beautiful she was. 

“So . . . are you like that with everything? Just make a decision and go?” 

“Most of the time, yeah,” Anakin said. “Because . . . I guess you could say I know, all too well, why you shouldn’t hold back. You never know when you’ll get another chance. I’m not gonna go skydiving or anything like that, but . . . life is meant to be lived. To be experienced. If you don’t do that--what’s the point?” 

He felt his cheeks flush a little as he finished speaking. Not just for opening himself up like this, giving her the opportunity to ask more about his past--some details of which would make any woman hesitate to pursue him. But also, because of the look she was giving him. There was something going on inside her head . . . 

She nodded slowly. “That makes sense. I--I really hope this works out.” 

“What--” Anakin started to ask, before Padmé reached up, clearly going up on her toes with the height difference between them, and slid a hand into his hair. He gaped at her for a moment. But when she pulled his head towards her, Ankin was more than ready to meet her lips with his own. 

And he found himself feeling very, very, very grateful that Padmé was using kissing him as a way to try out being impulsive. 

End.

[blxck-cxffee13]

 Let’s spice things up 🔥♥️ 5 favorite ships and 5 kinks you like best for said ships

Oh man. Oh man, Hannah, why you gotta do this to me???

Okay, so, I think I’m going to do this in terms of who have been my most prevalent ships over the years even if I’m no longer active in that fandom.

Also gonna put this under a read more because it’s probably gonna be hella long :P

Jack O’Neill/Samantha Carter from Stargate SG-1. Talk about a slow burn, friends to lovers pairing with epic sides of mutual pining and not being allowed to be together (they were both military, and he was her commanding officer). The show ended without them every actually stating whether or not they were together, though it was heavily implied that they’d finally gotten their shit together and were boning. As for kinks? I always enjoyed fics where they were being sexy together in places where they could easily get caught if they weren’t careful. It was that thrill of the risk, you know?

Draco/Hermione from Harry Potter. Love me a good redemption story, and talk about a turn around for Draco. To find it in his heart to overcome his prejudices, to turn his back on his family’s beliefs, and fall in love with a woman he’d been trained to think was worse than the mud stuck on the edge of his robes. As for kinks? Love it when they tie each other up. It’s about the trust, yo.

Speaking of redemptions, let’s talk about the one that’s going to befall us on December 20th this year. That’s right; I’m talking Reylo, babes. Listen, love them or hate them, it’s sort of fucking difficult to deny that they’re the love story of the sequel trilogy (though people are still doing it somehow????). Rey is going to be Ben’s reason for turning back from the Dark Side, just like he’s going to be her reason from turning to it. It’s Reverse Anidala (Anakin/Padme) and it’s beautiful. Kinks? Don’t judge, but ABO verse is my thing for them. I can’t explain it, but it works. It’s one of those things that makes sense in their universe. I get that it can squick a lot of people out because it can come across as non-con-y, but the really good ABO fics are the ones that address that very issue and make them be more than just ‘resigned to their designations.’

More redemption ships, you say? Aight. Hermione/Snape. That’s right. I said it. I ship Gryffindor’s Golden Girl with the Bat of the Dungeons, and have since before it was legal for me to read smut. I’m 31. Do the math. When I was younger, I loved the idea of the student/teacher thing, though as I’ve gotten older, I’ve gotten away from that quite a bit. Now - though there were certainly aspects of it then - I like the idea of Hermione finding her intellectual equal, of which I think Snape fits the bill. She needs someone who can keep her on her toes and challenge her. I also think Snape needs someone to remind him (or even teach him) about love. We know he loved Lilly, and loved her deeply (though I debate with whether or not he was in love with her, but that’s a seperate thing for another time), but I think he needs reminding that he isn’t an unloveable being. Hermione can do that. As for kinks? Like Dramione, I love a bit of bondage for them (again, it’s about the trust), but - and I don’t know if this counts as a kink - but I love when they’re having really good conversations, and you can just tell that they’re madly in love with one another, but they also have a lot of respect for one another because honestly, who else thinks like them? Who else can do puzzles like them?

Rose Tyler/Loki Laufeyson. Yeah, those two. The Bad Wolf who tore apart the god of the Daleks molecule by molecule and the God of Mischief who only wanted the crown he was rightfully due. Usually, this particular ship starts out as Rose is badly injured while testing the Dimension Cannon while trying to find the Doctor and ends up on Asgard. She meets and befriends Loki, who reminds her terribly of another man with funny ears and a Northern accent who had a storm always following him until she pushed some sunshine back into his life. It progresses a bit different from there depending on the story, but typically there’s some angst involved with her still searching for the Doctor even though she’s falling/in love with Loki who obviously feels the same way. Kinks for them include unintentional voyeurism (think one overhears the other having some Private Time wherein Names Are Called), them using their magic on one another, and soft, loving crying during sex.

Honorable Mention: Spencer Reid/Happiness. Kinks include him not having to fake a smile for the sake of others, and actually catching a damn break for once.

[fialleril]

redcap3 replied to your post “Following this post (months later because this got buried in my drafts...”

...is it crazy I kinda want to see post-Vader Anakin being set up for a blind date?

The whole thing is Han’s idea.

When he first suggests it to Leia, he says he wants to do something nice for the old man, which as cover stories go is frankly terrible. Leia only raises an unimpressed eyebrow.  It’s such a bad excuse it doesn’t even deserve a response.

Finally Han gives it up and admits that, okay, fine, he just can’t stand watching Rustbucket get flirted at every time they’re all dragged to some gala or top brass event. Anakin’s clueless act is just embarrassing, and worse, Chewie thinks it’s funny, that traitor.

Leia just goes on looking at him. Luke, though, says, “Uh, Han, I don’t think it’s an act.”

Han stares at him. “Oh come on, kid. No one is that clueless.” Then he stops to consider this, and who he’s talking to. Luke is a very friendly person, and very bad at recognizing the line between friendly and flirting. Half the Rebellion wants to date him and as near as Han can tell, he genuinely has no idea. But still... “Okay, fine, maybe some people are. But your old man was married. He managed to produce the two of you somehow. So he can’t be completely unaware of how these things go.”

Leia snickers at him. Han has the sinking feeling she knows something he doesn’t, but he knows better than to ask when she gets that look in her eye.

So he decides he’s gonna set Anakin up on a date, and Leia can laugh all she wants. He’ll be the one laughing when it works.

His first attempt is a guy named Rav who used to work maintenance in one of the hangars on Home One. These days he’s planetside on Coruscant. Nice guy, a few years older than Anakin, green eyes, a great ass. Han arranges the date at a bar so chill he frankly hates the place himself, but it seems like the kind of scene an older couple might enjoy. (Anakin’s only thirteen years older than you, a little voice in the back of his head says, but he ignores that. It’s too weird to let himself think about.) He tells Anakin that Rav wants to meet up and talk shuttle maintenance, which is such a damn obvious innuendo that he barely manages to restrain a cringe as he says it.

But hey, it works, and Anakin’s off to meet with Rav and Han congratulates himself on a job well done. Leia’s still smirking, but that’s just because she hasn’t yet learned what a great matchmaker he is.

Anakin swings back by Leia’s apartment about three hours later, early enough that Luke’s still there and Han is just a little worried. But it was only a first date, so...that doesn’t have to be bad, does it?

“How’d it go, Rustbucket?” he says.

Anakin shrugs easily and heads for the kitchen to start a pot of tzai. “Not bad. Rav’s got some great ideas for B- and Y-wing class fighters, but his views on TIEs are woefully misinformed.” He grumbles something under his breath. “I understand that there’s a need to bad mouth the enemy fighters in front of the troops, but you don’t need to buy into your own propaganda.”

Han blinks a little. Luke and Leia are snickering behind their hands, and for once, it’s real damn easy to see that they’re twins. He glares at them both.

“Well, all right, but...what about the, uh, social aspect?”

“Huh?” Anakin comes into the living room and sits in the chair across from Han and Leia’s couch. Han can never get over how the guy just...sprawls when he sits. It’s about the least Vader-like mannerism he can think of.

“Did you hit it off?” Han asks.

A brief frown crosses Anakin’s face. “I don’t know. I wouldn’t mind another chance to correct his opinions on TIEs.” Suddenly he brightens, “I did manage to get him the bartender’s number, though, and I’m pretty sure they’re going out this weekend, so I suppose that’s my good deed for the day.” He says this last very dryly. It’s something his therapist suggested, taking notice of his good deeds and letting himself be proud of them or something like that, and Anakin always snarks about it but Han is pretty sure he’s also following his therapist’s advice, so that’s something.

Anyway, that’s clearly not the important thing here. “Wait,” he sputters. “You...set Rav up on a date...with the bartender?”

Leia looks positively gleeful now and Han is pretty sure she didn’t plan this, but if it turned out she did he wouldn’t even be surprised.

Anakin, though, doesn’t seem to understand what’s got Han in such a fuss. “Sure,” he says with another shrug. “They made a cute couple.”

“I don’t believe this,” Han mutters. What kind of guy plays wingman for his own date? He scrapes a hand over his face and resolves to hold on to whatever dignity he can. “Okay, so Rav’s not your type, huh?”

Anakin only looks at him with an expression of such genuine confusion that Han can’t even convince himself the guy’s pretending. “My type of what?” he says.

A loud snort of laughter escapes Leia, and she tries to play it off as a sneeze. Han isn’t impressed.

“Never mind,” he mutters, and eventually the conversation moves on, but he knows Leia isn’t going to forget about this anytime soon.

*

So okay. Maybe he made a bad call with that first try. Maybe Anakin’s only interested in women? It’s a possibility. Fine. So this time Han will have to find the right woman.

He considers his options carefully. Luke and Leia’s mom was a politician and a founder of the Rebel alliance, smart as hell and also pretty damn stunning. (Leia definitely takes after her mother, he thinks, without the slightest hint of a goofy grin, no matter what Chewie says.) She must have had a terrible sense of humor though. Either that or she put up with Anakin’s awful jokes out of some never before heard of reservoir of patience and goodness. Actually, the way Anakin talks about her, that might be true.

So he’s looking for someone smart, driven, principled, but also somehow willing to endure endless terrible puns. That’s a tall order.

The first person he tries is Mon Mothma. It takes him a couple weeks to work up to asking her, because yeah, there’s nothing about this idea that isn’t awkward. But he’s got to admit, she does fit the profile.

So eventually he gets up the guts to suggest the idea of a date, and Mon Mothma laughs in his face.

Well, Han thinks, muttering to himself and wishing he could erase the last fifteen minutes of his life from existence. In hind sight, that was a pretty stupid idea. He’s never even heard of Mon Mothma going on a date.

“You’ve never heard of Dad going on a date either,” Luke says, smirking. Not for the first time, Han wonders what the hell he was thinking, making Luke his confidant in this. But he needed someone with more insight into Anakin, and he’d be damned if he’d ask Leia.

“That’s different, obviously,” Han says. “He spent twenty years inside a tin can.”

Luke rolls his eyes. “I just don’t understand why you won’t let this go,” he says.

“Because people are always flirting with him!” Han says. “And he’s always pretending not to notice. It’s infuriating.”

“It doesn’t happen that often,” Luke says, and okay, Han thinks, that’s actually true, but still. It happens often enough.

Luke sighs. “If you’re so stuck on that, why don’t you just ask one of the people who’s actually flirted with him?”

Huh. That’s not a bad idea, actually. Why didn’t he think of that.

*

It still takes him a while to plan his strategy, but eventually he manages to set Anakin up on a date with a woman named Meera Yasko. She’s Corellian, he’s pretty sure, but she’s also whip smart and pretty attractive. She’s some kind of attorney at a non-profit or something, and Han’s never been especially keen on people of the legal persuasion, but he figures Anakin might like that.

The old man takes a bit of convincing, but Han is a master of smooth talking (don’t laugh, Leia!) and eventually he gets them set up at a nice swank restaurant and even orders a bottle of wine for the table as a surprise.

*

Anakin comes back from this date a lot more excited, and Han experiences a fleeting moment of smug hope, only to have it crushed beneath Anakin’s heel when it turns out the man is excited for all the wrong reasons.

Apparently, Meera is the chief counsel at a non-profit involved in education for underprivileged youth, whatever the hell that means. They’re an interplanetary organization, too, but it’s not the organization itself that really interests Anakin. Meera has the legal background to cover all of the complicated bits about starting a foundation that Anakin doesn’t really understand (and Han understands even less, if he’s honest), and he thinks they might really be able to get this off the ground.

“Wait,” says Han. “This? What’s this?”

He expects a glare or an eyeroll from Leia and maybe Luke, but instead, they look as curious as he feels.

“Oh,” says Anakin, looking oddly shy. “Right. I haven’t told you yet. I’ve been thinking, well, they’re paying me all this money that I don’t need -” (here he raises a hand to forestall Leia’s usual protest) “- so I want to do something with it. And I thought... Tatooine’s free now, but there’s not exactly a uniform system of education, and many of the communities don’t have necessary supplies or access to training for teachers or -”

“Dad,” says Leia, “I think that’s a wonderful idea.”

As it turns out, setting up an entire school system takes a lot of work. Who knew, right? It also takes a pretty shocking amount of money, much more than Anakin’s supposedly extravagant yearly salary. That’s not a problem, though, because Meera helps him set up a fundraising program that’s frankly terrifying in its efficiency.

They spend an awful lot of time together, but it’s mostly in her office or over working lunches. Still, Han holds onto hope for a while. After all, she at least was definitely interested. He knows that. But after several months, he finally has to admit defeat. Meera and Anakin have a pretty great working relationship, and Han would even venture to say they’ve become friends, but he still hasn’t seen any evidence that Anakin ever realized she was interested, and it’s pretty clear now that she’s not thinking about him that way any more.

Still. The Padme Naberrie Educational Foundation basically exists because of Han, so he’s counting this one a win.

*

He keeps trying.

There’s a woman named Jasta who likes to dance and, apparently, has terrible taste in art. Not his best choice, but hey, Anakin managed to set her up with a guy they ran into at the art museum, and he seems happy about that, at least.

There’s Varin, who’s an active duty lieutenant in the Republic navy and likes to spend her leave time volunteering with animals. Anakin introduces her to the recently defected Admiral Piett, and damn if the two of them aren’t getting married about five months later. So that worked out, Han thinks, rolling his eyes. But hey, Anakin got a cat out of the deal, which apparently his therapist thinks is great for him, so...there’s that.

There’s Piett himself, which Han still thinks made sense in theory, because Anakin is clearly fond of the guy. But, looking back, he can admit that it’s pretty likely even Piett didn’t know this one was meant to be a date, and Han suspects Anakin may have agreed to the whole thing as an excuse to set Piett up with Varin.

His last attempt is a Twi’lek woman named Dinsa Atray who’s frankly just a little bit terrifying, but then so is Anakin, so Han figures it’s a good match. They actually start meeting up pretty regularly, and Han is starting to feel pretty smug about it, even though Leia still isn’t convinced of his matchmaking skills. But his illusions are cruelly shattered a few weeks later, when dramatic and disturbingly well-documented accusations of sentient trafficking and money laundering bring about the abrupt end of Senator Orn Free Taa’s political career and, eventually, the beginning of his exciting new prison career.

(“Well this was fun,” Han overhears Dinsa tell Anakin. “Let me know if you ever want to destroy a man’s life and reputation again. I’m always game.” Yeah. Maybe more than a little terrifying.)

*

Three years into his self-appointed quest, and Han’s sitting at the dinner table staring at an invitation to the wedding of Mon Mothma and Meera Yasko. He has to admit, he didn’t see that coming. He wonders a bit sourly if Anakin introduced them, too. Honestly at this point he wouldn’t be surprised. The universe is trolling him, clearly.

“Hey, Rustbucket,” he says, because no one’s ever accused him of quitting while he’s ahead. “Who are you bringing as your plus one?”

Leia eyes him with fond derision, and Han gamely ignores her.

“Kadee, probably,” Anakin says. “She likes weddings. Why?”

“No reason,” Han mutters.

*

It’s three more months before he finally gives up. But he’s not going to admit that.

“You know,” he tells Leia, “I think I can declare this operation a resounding success.”

“Really,” says Leia with a smirk. “Because from where I’m standing it looks like you set my dad up on a dozen blind dates, and he still doesn’t even realize he’s been on one.”

Han waves a careless hand. “Well, from where I’m standing it looks like Operation Get Anakin Skywalker Some Friends was an unqualified success.”

Leia’s face softens and she leans up to give him a lingering kiss. “That’s sweet, Han,” she says, and when he grimaces she laughs. “But don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone.”

[thebrokenscript]

got some bros getting into trouble for this writing wednesday “one last chance” somebody stop these fools @celebrate-the-clone-wars

“Last chance, Rex!” Cody yelled.

Rex groaned from where he lay uncomfortably sprawled, half falling off his bunk from his previous attempt at getting up to go on whatever harebrained, half thought out adventure Cody had planned. “It’s the middle of the kriffing night!” he yelled back after hearing his name distantly shouted again.

“And?”

Rex started, falling ungracefully off his bunk. Cody’s head was poking in the door. “How the kriff-”

“Oh good you’re up. Come on, come on, let’s go!” Cody had that look on his face. The one that said he was going to go one way or another. Idiot.

Hauling himself up, Rex hurried after Cody, who was already halfway out of the barracks. “Where are we going again?” he yawned.

“There’s this sketchy tunnel on level 1285 I heard about,” he glanced over at Rex, a shit eating grin on his face as he wiggled his fingers. “Only the bravest may pass.”

Amusement flickered through Rex. “You sound like a shiny.”

“Oh come on, Rex where’s your sense of fun?”

“Doing the smart thing and sleeping,” Rex said dryly.

A laugh escaped Cody. “Sounds boring, but then,” he said, leaning in to whisper conspiratorially. “What more can I expect from my most boring brother?”

“I’m not boring,” Rex said indignantly, shoving his brother’s face away. 

Cody cackled and broke into a run. “I bet I can beat you to the lift!” he called.

Rex’s eyes narrowed at the challenge. “You haven’t been able to beat me in a race since we were six!” he yelled, gearing his protesting body into a sprint. He caught up to Cody who immediately stuck his foot out in front of him. “Cody! You kriffing cheat!” Rex yelled, barely avoiding the trip and stumbling to keep his balance.

Cody sprinted ahead, laughing so hard it was obviously slowing him down. Rushing to catch up, Rex raised his hand and smacked the back of Cody’s neck as he tore past.

“Ow! What are you, a cadet?” Cody cried.

A laugh escaped Rex and he turned back around just enough to flip Cody a very rude hand gesture before barreling into the lift. Spinning around, he punched the down button.

“Oh,” he said loudly, looking at the door. “Oh no. Cody. The door. It’s closing.” He couldn’t keep his voice from shaking with laughter at the look of horror on Cody’s face.

“Hold it for me asshole!” he shouted, streaking straight toward the door.

“Oh- oh- oh no- Cody- whatever will I do,” Rex said, watching the door slide even further shut.

“Rex you kriffing piece of bantha shit!” Cody lunged, his arm catching between the door and the wall. Rex heard a muffled curse and then the door beeped in annoyance. Sliding open, Cody stumbled in, gasping for breath.

“Hey you made it!” Rex grinned, patting Cody’s shoulder as the lift headed down.

“Should’ve just let it go and gone to bed while you went deeper into the abyss,” Cody panted, glaring up at him.

“I promise you would not have woken up in your bunk if you had,” Rex said cheerfully.

Cody snorted, then leaned back against the glass.

“So where did you hear about this mysterious tunnel?” Rex asked. It was Coruscant. There were sketchy tunnels everywhere. It was part of the delightful decor.

“Hm?” Cody asked, blinking up at him. “Oh! I got it from some shinies. Told them if they went they’d have to deal with their scary commander.” He chuckled. “They’re still young, so they’ll listen to that nonsense.”

Rex raised an eyebrow. That wasn’t true. “There is no tunnel is there?” he said, sliding down to settle on the ground across from Cody.

Cody’s expression fell and he sighed. “How do you always know when I’m lying?”

“Known you too long,” Rex said, kicking at Cody’s foot. “We’re brothers.”

“Yeah,” Cody said, looking up at the ceiling. “It’s just been weird, you know? Not having the 212th and 501st together all the time anymore. We rarely see each other anymore, which I guess we should’ve expected, but I miss it.”

“Yeah,” Rex agreed. Truth be told, ever since the 501st had been passed onto Anakin, it seemed like they fought less and less by the 212th’s side. It was nervewracking, to say the least, never knowing until long after a mission if the other had survived or not. So far they’d been lucky, but with the war dragging on....

Their luck was bound to run out.

“Come on, Rex,” Cody groaned. “Tonight was supposed to be fun, not depressing.” Rex flashed Cody a look, which he returned with a dry smile. “Next time you catch me lying, keep it to yourself. Pretty please.”

“Fine,” Rex said, then stood up and hit the stop button. As the lift began to slow, he offered Cody a hand and dragged his brother to his feet. “Come on,” he added teasingly. “Tunnel or not, I’m sure there’s still plenty of borderline legal trouble we can get into.”

Cody’s grin came back vibrantly as the lift door opened. “Well let’s get to it.”

[glompcat]

somniumlunae replied to your post: “somniumlunae replied to your post: “[[MO Every time I post a chapter...”:

I try to give the benefit of the doubt, because we're in a fandom where WE as fans are given more time with Anakin and Padme, where we're given very little of Bail/Breha interacting with Leia to offset that (and a lot of people don't read the novels). We're in a fandom with a TON of super adorable Anakin/Padme+raising the twins fanart, so we get really invested in that relationship and forget that canon Leia herself wouldn't feel the same way. But it does start to come with the undercurrent (especially when you get into how much Owen/Beru seem to be even more ignored as such important parts of his character) that adoptive families aren't nearly as much REAL families when bio-related families are right next to them. And I don't think people really whole-heartedly believe that, I think it's just that we lose sight of the picture sometimes, that we don't see it in the right frame of mind. I do think a lot of it comes down to how Anakin/Padme are central characters, so we have more investment in them, but even with that, sometimes it gets really :/ about how adoptive families are 100% REAL families, guys, honest.

Hilariously I was having a good laugh over how horribly sidelined Breha in particular has been not just by the fandom, but well... everywhere, just last night. 

I've been rearranging my bookshelves, and decided to buy stands for all my figures. I got a set of stands specifically made for Star Wars toys, and to my delight they arrived with little sticker labels to put on the bases with the names of various characters the stand makers thought you might have toys of.

Needless to say, the stickers in no way match up to my actual collection to the point where I can’t really use them (they expect you to only have two Padmés and two Leias! Hah! HAH!! That’s hilarious), but one of the stickers was simply labeled “Queen Organa”

Now, this stand set and stickers were made by Hasbro in 2012 (to reflect what toys existed in the 2002-2008 Star Wars toy lines), according to the box they all came in. Breha def. had a first name by that point. Case in point, the box of her action figure had her name on it!

I would expect that whoever put this set together by Hasbro back then would have known the type of person who would own a figure of her (only one was ever made that I am aware of, and yes I do own it) would be the kind of person who would know her first name. In fact, hers is the only sticker that is lacking in a full name, and this includes random EU legends characters.

I mean, wasn’t Leia, Princess of Alderaan the very first time in either Legends or Canon Breha got to have a single line of dialogue? Or am I remembering that wrong?

Regardless, boy oh boy has she been dismissed by the source work itself, so yeah, it does make perfect sense that the way the fandom thinks about the characters reflects that neglect and erasure.

In contrast, well, who doesn’t love Anakin and Padmé?

Yet it is always so strange for me to see people react in these ways, coming from a home growing up where non-biological bonds were prioritized over blood. 

My father was adopted, two times. 

Once legally - when he was a teenager his foster mom legally adopted him, and the second time informally when he was in his 20s. 

Growing up when I talked to people about my family, both of those parts of my dad’s family were always dismissed - especially the non-legal adoption he had in his 20s. Yet I never questioned that both of those families were my own. Hell, every holiday was spent with my parents’ circle of friends, and I was raised to see them too as family in the truest sense.

I dunno, I guess due to my personal history I just... have trouble seeing biology as more important than love?

It is def. one of those things where our culture has a bias, and then that bias leaks into fiction and then from there into the fandom and it is just frustrating all around.

[pendragonfics]

Dating, Not Dying!

Aqua Profunda: Chapter One | Chapter Two

Paring: Obi Wan Kenobi/Reader

Tags: female reader, godparent reader, fluff, tooth-rotting fluff, alternate universe - swimming

Summary: It's a perfect morning before work until a flustered, breathless Luke appears.

Word Count: 1,437

Posting Date:  2016-06-10

Current Date: 2017-05-09

Dating a swimming instructor of the twins was hard at times. Especially when the both of you wanted to wait until  a proper time to tell your mutual friends Anakan and Padmé . It meant always creeping around with Obi, trying not to make a big deal in public, or if found by either one of Luke's and Leia's parent's, playing dumb that you 'just happened to run into him'. After six months of this business, be it paying an extra tip to servers where the Amidala-Skywalker family dined also not to tell them of your presence, or omitting lots of details about your newfound love life when at coffee with Padmé...and it was quickly growing tiring.

For the both of you.

It was the morning after a big night, and sitting at your poor excuse for a dining room table (who even had enough money for an apartment and a table?) with coffee and semi-burned toast when you had to get if off your chest.

"We have to tell them," you and Obi Wan spoke at the same time.

His eyes softened, "Thank the stars, I was getting sick of lying to Anakin that I can't go on blind dates with his friends anymore."

You nod, and agree. "I was wondering how long I'd have to keep up the facade."

Glancing to his watch, Obi Wan made a face. "Oh pfassk, I forgot I have a class to teach! I've got to haul ass," your bearded lover takes a gulp of what coffee is remaining in his mug, and kisses your cheek, "Oh, and before we go, when's your lease end?"

"Next month's when I need to renew," you perk up.

Obi Wan slings on his jacket, and grins. "Move in with me. You can consider it when I'm out - remember to return Ani's tool kit, too. He's getting desperate without it!" The door closes, and you're left giggling like a mad idiot. All of it was too much to process at once; this fling has turned into a bizarre love, and that romance has turned into something more concrete than you'd ever expected you, the busy godparent to get around in your life.

"Oh my gosh," you wipe your eye, and laugh once more. "Oh -,"

There's a knock on the door, a little knock. You'd recognise that knock anywhere, and your eyes widen. Quicker than your beating heart, you rush to the door.

"Aunty ______!" Luke gushes. "Some - something's wrong with Mummy - she won't wake up!" His eyes are brimming with tears, staining his school uniform collar.

Your face blanches. "Luke - where's Daddy?" you rush back in and grab proper pants and a jacket, and your car keys. "Where's Leia? How'd you get here?"

His poor little face only makes more tears rush out. "Leia's with Mummy, and Daddy's out on - on - on," he takes a deep breath, and gathering Luke in your arms, you lock the door behind you and rush down to the street to your car. "Work." he hiccups. "I ran here, _______."

You press the small boy to your side, and grabbing the car door, you place him in the passanger seat, and toss your phone over. "You know my passcode, Luke, just call Obi." you start the car, and drive as fast as you can legally to Padmé and Anakin's home.

"Obi? My old -,"

You nod, swerving the car around a motorbike running a red light through an intersection. "He's your godfather, right? Tell him to come to your house, okay?"

Moments later the car pulls into the drive, and Luke tosses you back your phone, "He's on the phone, ______. Mummy's in the bedroom - come on!"

The door is open, and rushing in, you hear Obi in your ear, “I’m on my way, ______. Is Pads okay?”  You shudder. You’d never expected the morning to be like this – you would never wish it on your best friend, or your godchildren to have a horrific morning. You rush, feel fast but it feels slow, and breaching the bedroom, you gasp. Padmé is limp, her pretty curls arranged by sleep in a mess, head lolled oddly to the side. “Obi, I think she’s alive. Luke, get the house phone, call an ambulance. Leia, clear a path to the front door, please.”

The twins nod, and run off to their jobs. “______ -,” Obi starts.

“I’ve got to call work in sick,” you tell him. “I’m going to hang up, call Ani. We need everyone here, Obi.” Your voice quivers through the instructions, and opening the blinds over Padmé’s bed, you shudder.

“It’s going to be okay, _______.” Obi reassures you.

You nod, and leaning over the bed, you push Padmé’s hair from of her face. The face of your closest friend, the one you’ve practically known since the both of you were in nappies and drank juice boxes – you’d never really thought of the great Padmé Amidala to have something so simple – mortality.

At this, you take a deep breath, and hang up the phone. “I hope so, Obi.”

Luke runs in, and hands you the phone, “I’ve got the ambulance on the phone, Aunty ______. They want to know things, and I’ve told them what Leia and me know what happened to Mummy when we found her.” You nod, and tell him to sit at the end of the bed with the phone until they come. “Is Mummy going to be okay?”

You blink, and just as you’re about to answer, Leia runs in. She’s not dressed for school; she’s in striped rainbow socks and a jean jacket she must have borrowed from her friend Han. “_______ can’t promise anything, Luke, but we’re a family,” she hugs her brother, too tight. You can tell the twins are afraid. “We’re going to get through it, I know it.”

You nod. “I’ve got to make a call to my work, okay, kiddos? Stay on the phone with the ambulance -,” there’s another noise of gravel, and peeking out the window, you add, “Obi Wan’s here, don’t worry.”

Leia frowns. “Why did you call Obi Wan?”

“I think they had dinner and more,” Luke whispers.

Twenty one hours later

You’re all around the hospital bed. It’s a little cramped, but the nurses and kind hospital staff managed to add extra fold-up chairs to the side of her private bed. But you and Obi Wan are holding hands, and Luke and Leia are sharing their father’s lap, and all five of you are watching the bed nervously.

“Would you all quit staring at me?” Padmé frowns. “The doctor said it was just a concussion, I’m fine.”

Anakin sets his jaw. “Now you’re fine, but what about tomorrow? I’m your husband, I’m allowed to worry about my beautiful wife,” he sighs.

“Will you be fine?” Luke sniffs.

Padmé nods. “I’m sorry I gave you all a scare…but it seems your Godmother and Godfather have something to explain, don’t you think?” Padmé asks her twins. Anakin nods in agreement, and suddenly, the Amidala-Skywalker family’s eyes are all on you and Obi.

You slip your hand from his hold self-consciously. “Well – we’re kind of -,”

“You’re a ‘we’?” Anakin pushes.

Obi nods. “Yeah, um, it started about six months ago -,”

Padmé’s eyes widen. “Six months?” she cries, the heart rate monitor she’s hooked up to creating a rhythm for a sick bass drop if there was a DJ in the room.

You and Obi Wan turn to each other, and together, you slip your fingers in between his. “We’ve been dating for six months since the end of the twins swimming lessons,” you and Obi chime, cautious not to make the family before you angered by the reservations of telling them.

“Do you love Obi?” Luke asks.

“What in the name of the stars?” Anakin mutters.

“Oh my goodness,” Padmé blushes.

“Are you going to marry Aunty ______?” Leia beams.

You and Obi laugh. “I love Obi. Lots and lots.”

Your boyfriend Obi Wan reaches over to Leia, and places her on his lap. “One day, sweet youngling. We’re going to move in together next month, first, though. You’ve got to start somewhere, you know.”

Padmé shakes her head in incredulity. “I can’t believe it! ______ _______, and Obi Wan Kenobi, dating! In love! Moving in! When did I miss this?” She grins. “I don’t care about missing out on all the little things, oh my goodness!” she beams. “Dating!”

You nod, and turn to Anakin. “And make sure your beautiful, powerful, amazing, great wife isn’t dying any time soon, okay?”

The tradesman nods. “Sure thing. Dating, not dying.”

<<PREVIOUS CHAPTER

[msu82]

The Artist and the Mechanic

Tagging: @markwatnae and @prfury I FINALLY WROTE SOMETHING!

Guess whose OC is meeting Anakin, you two? *throws glitter*

I can't believe the Council is having me teach a class of padawans! Anakin paused in the middle of his fuming, eyes wide as he blinked a few times. ...I can't believe the Council is trusting me to teach a class of padawans. Trust. Huh. well, now that young man couldn't decide if the reason they were filling up one of his days with teaching a mechanics course was because, a, they wanted to punish him for some unknown reason or, b, they were showing respect to his positions as a Jedi Knight, an army general, and as a teacher to his own individual padawan.

...I can't believe they're making me over think this! He released a grown before flopping down in a chair in a little nook of a room connected off of the flight hanger, rubbing a hand down his face as he awaited what was going to be his second class of a total of four throughout the day. The first class had been absolutely horrible! No one could blame him for his hesitance and annoyance at having to endure another three. A bunch of snot-nosed teenagers who think that 'I am only a year away from being a legal adult in the galaxy!' means they know more than someone whose been alive longer and seen more in life than they ever have yet. ….Anakin knew it probably game as some sort of territory-pecking considering her was barely half a decade older than that class of students, but he was still a Jedi Knigth and a General in the war. Didn't that earn him any respect?!

The blonde stopped abruptly in his angered pacing, closed his eyes while his arms cross over his chest, and bowed his head. Breathe, Ani. Just breathe. This next class is around Ahsoka's age—he totally didn't sulk over the fact he wasn't be allowed to teach classes his padawan was actively in, and instead the age groups directly above and bellow her age—so that should mean they'll, in the least, be decent kids. Doesn't it? He didn't have much time to fret over his thoughts, for before he knew it a group of thirteen year olds were entering into what had become his little domane for the entirety of the day.

Now usually when this particular Jedi has doubtful thoughts like that, they come to bite him in the ass.

For once, they seemed not to.

He actually had a group of kids who seemed eager to learn mechanics! From him specifically! Oh, he'd have to tell Padme about this—she had teased mericlessly that he'd probably want to cry by the end of the day from the children driving him insane or not paying attention to him at all. I knew kids love me! The blonde thought, a bit giddy.

Knight Skywalker went about officially introducing himself (“Just call me Anakin or Skywalker, I'm not all for the title business”) with a grin on his face to his newest class of students, and after that began demonstrating and explaining that day's lesson.

These kids hated him.

They despised him.

They must have litereally wanted him to die in agony and horror and–

SPLAT-TA-TA-TAAA-PLOOP-PLOOP-PLOOP!

“Sith-spit!” A youthful, perhaps male voice cursed from across the room. “Language....” Anakin mumble out from his temporary desk, face-down in the sweet sanctuary of his arms as another sound of a failed machine met his ears. He had heard the same splatter-plopping sound a dozen times already. The last one to do it marked the thirteen. There was still another nine others in the-

SPLAT-TA-PLOOP-PLOOP-TA-TAAA-PLOOP!

There as still another eight students with machines in the class.

Padme is never gonna let me live this down. He wasn't whining. He was not whining. Anakin Skywalker did not whine; not even in in the depths of his brain!

SPLAT-TA-TA-TA-TAAAAA-PLOOP-PLOOP-PLOOP-PLOOP!

Anakin groaned in the safe haven that was his pillowing arms. Why me? The young adult whined in his brain. It was taking all he had not to pull out his hair.

Honestly, how could now fifteen out of twenty-two Junior Padawan's in war time not understand the most basic set of instructions? Couldn't fix a simple machine? The entire machine was there for each of them at their desks!

All they had to do was re-attach two parts.

He had provided a hands-on demonstration, text directions, and photo directions. He had explained that it was a delicate little system and, as long as they had steady hands and took their time, they'd be fine! He just couldn't understand why they weren't understanding it.

SPLAT-TALOOP-PLOOP-PLOOSTA-TATA-SPLAT!

He groaned into his arms again, fingers of his non-mechanical hand tugging at his hair. “Someone. Jam. A lightsaber. Into. My brain.”

“I don't think that would be healthy. And, you know.... It would kinda be murder.”

A voice piping up was not expected, especially in such a sassy little way, and Anakin nearly startled out of his chair as he came face-to-face with a rather short being. The female padawan, who looked younger than the rest of her peers, seemed to smile in an apologetic way.

“I'm sorry to startle you, Mister Skywalker—” Huh, never been called 'Mister' before, Anakin thought to himself— “But I finished my machine. I just wanted your opinion on it before I started it up.” The girl finished.

“Why do you want me to do that? None of your agemates had me do that.” The Jedi Knight prodded, curious as he sat up straighter in his seat.

The girl was silent while looking contemplative, and Anakin was expecting some sort of long, droned out, logical answer.

“Because I'm pale as all hell and don't want to be oil-stained for weeks.”

“Psh-!” He snapped a hand over his mouth to muffle of a snicker. He hadn't been expecting that. The young adult cleared his throat, composing himself as he said as he replied, “Language, little one, and I will come look at your machine. Lead the way...?”

It took moments to get to the table and start examining the device the young padawan had been charged with fixing, the same as her classmates, but... even with another sound of exploding oil filtering to his ears as background noise, his focus was on the work to this particular device. One that look near exactly like his if it wasn't for the few tiny, oily fingerprints littering the pieces that had needed reattaching.

Finally. The young adult thought to himself, and gave the short brunette a beaming smile. “Padawans, gather around! It's time to show you what this device does. I believe your classmate here—”

“Gensen.” The girl supplied helpfully.

“—that your classmate, Gensen, has successfully repaired her machine.”

A few moments later there was a chorus of nearly two-dozen awes as, after he brought out a canvas he'd stashed behind his temporary desk and flipped the switch for the machine, that it would begin spraying a picture into existence. The awes turned to laughter and amusement as the picture created was that of Grandmaster Yoda piggy-backing on Master Windu.

It wasn't long after that when it would be the time for the padawans to head off to their lunch period (each with their own copy of the painted oil-pictures after using the Force for some hand speed drying),  but as they left the young knighted-general  couldn't help but stop the girl who had actually done the entire thing right.

“So your name is Gensen, yeah? You mind me asking how you knew asking me first was the answer?” Anakin asked, and after a moment added appreciatively, “Not that you needed it in the end, technically speaking. The picture could have gotten sprayed on the table.”

“Well,” The girl paused, hitching her backpack over her shoulders. “You didn't tell us what the machine  would do beyond that it sprays oil. And I wanted to make sure I had every piece exactly right, and there's no better way in assuring that than asking the teacher.” The girl shrugged her shoulders on her pudgy frame, hugging her souvenir of this class against her chest.

Anakin nodded with her words, “Good reasoning, little padawan. You're quite the mechanic.”

“...Eh.”

That made him arch an eyebrow. “Eh?” He parroted, disbelief and bemusement starting to spring to his face.

“Yeah, eh. I'm not a mechanic. I'm an artist.”

“Oh, really now?” He crossed his mixture of flesh-and-mechanical arms. “And what's so great about being an artist?”

The girl cocked a hip, raising an eyebrow of her own. “What's so great about being a mechanic, Mister Skywalker?”

“Creating things, making things work one way or another, and the mess of it all.” He replied without missing a beat.

Gensen grinned before saying, “Same with art. The only difference is I don't have to worry about something exploding in my face if I mess up and need to fix something—I'm not all for chemical burns and sparks and flames.” She held out her arm, rolling up her robe sleeves. “I did say I was pale as all hell, Mister Skywalker. Patches of red wouldn't look any better on me than patches of black.”

This time he couldn't stop the startled laughter even if he tried, sharing a grin with the spunky little padawan before giving her shoulder a nudge. “Go on to lunch, young one. I have to prepare for another class. And watch that language of yours, alright?.”

“Uh huh. Of course I will!” Anakin didn't believe her words for a second. She just seemed endless sass even if her personality was so genuine.

Soon enough the blonde was by himself, cleaning up for the next class as his mind wandered to who could be Gensen's Master if she managed to have such a personality as that at her age. He knew not all were strict, but he also knew that most schooled their padawans into perfect properness outside of private situations.

He was pulled from his wandering thoughts (and temptation to look up the girl's personal record out of sheer curiosity) by his commlink beeping. Pulling it out of his pocket and answering it, he grinned as his former teacher's voice filled in from the other end.

Obi-Wan would be back in just a week, and the day after that was hoping Anakin would be free to finally meet the ginger's new padawan.

Anakin grinned, having heard so much about the kid. He immediately agreed, said he'd bring Ahsoka along, and wished his former-Master well on the rest of his journey home.

When Anakin Skywalker met his sister-padawan a little over the week—an 11-year old girl with brown hair, brown eyes, pale skin, and a form that wasn't bone skinny—the Knight felt a sense of deja vu. He had been run busy all week training students in general education classes, so his mind was a bit scattered.

He could have sworn he'd seen her before, and shrugged it off as it being in passing before smiling and shaking the girl's hand. “Welcome to the lineage, Edie.” The blonde said, and then shared a grin with his Obi-Wan Kenobi as Ahsoka swept in with making the younger girl feel welcomed.

While happiness happened for the Jedi adults and the padawan-children, none were aware that the very same night another innocent, bright young padawan would face the extreme opposite of the word 'joy.'

[eversall]

Hi! Are you still taking Saphael prompts?? If you are, here's mine: "your friend wrote your phone number in a public restroom as a prank and my drunk bff has called you with my phone, i'm so sorry, also your friend is a dick" Ft Simon as the poor guy whose phone number Jace has written in the public restroom and Magnus as Raphael's drunk bff, whose phone he used to call Simon. Hope you like it, but it's ok if you don't ^^ Love your fanfics!

fml this is a really cute prompt and it started out all light and funny and then devolved into serious stuff at the end I AM SORRY I HOPE YOU LIKE IT (also if you were to come off anon and be my friend i would love you forever and also be able to link you on ao3 as the prompter for this fic

if i ever had your number i think i would use it // read on ao3

“Er.” Simon says, but that seems to be enough. “Simon?” Raphael asks. “The one and only.” He says weakly, making jazz hands even though he knows Raphael can’t see them. “Heyyy, Raphael.”“You – why is your number in the Pandemonium bathroom?”.It starts because Jace and Simon get drunk together one night without Clary, and since Clary serves as about eighty-five percent of their impulse control they’re hammered within two hours and ready to implement all of their Very Bad Ideas, the ones that are horrifying enough to make Alec grind his teeth and potentially slap them upside the head.

It starts because Jace is a dick.

Well. To be fair, it starts because Jace and Simon get drunk togetherone night without Clary, and since Clary serves as about eighty-five percent oftheir impulse control they’re hammered within two hours and ready to implementall of their Very Bad Ideas, the ones that are horrifying enough to make Alecgrind his teeth and potentially slap them upside the head.

“Which is rude.” Jace informshim as he gets a tattoo across the side of his stomach. Simon makes anagreeable noise, too engrossed in the delicate line of triangles he’s justgotten tattooed across his shoulders. “How are your triangles doing?”

“I think they’re ready to experience the world!” Simon shouts, gettingto his feet. The tattoo artist doesn’t even look at him as she puts a hand onhis shoulder and shoves him back into his seat. He goes willingly, trying tofigure out what he should name the triangles. Luke, Leia, and Anakin? Frodo,Bilbo, and Sam? So many options!

Anyway, Simon figures that if anyone’s to blame, it’s Clary, because ifClary had been there Jace wouldn’t have gotten the fantastic idea to carve Simon’s number into the tiny piece of wallnext to the mirror in a bathroom at a gay club. Actually, his idea is just tocarve something, and when he asksSimon for any number between one and one hundred, Simon rattles off the digitsto his cell because that’s the only thing he can remember. Jace doesn’t seem toquestion the fact that the number is definitely not between one and onehundred, but instead dutifully transcribes it into the wall. And that’s thestory of how Simon’s phone number ends up in a hidden corner of a clubrestroom.

Well. That’s not the entirestory.

.

Simon’s working late when he gets the call. He’s hunched over a list ofpotential mergers, chewing on the end of his pen as he types in risk analysisand bemoans the fact that his boss is a hardass, and also Simon is hard for his boss’ ass, and isn’t that embarrassing? But he wouldn’t be here if itweren’t for the fact that Raphael asked him to finish these, and Simon sort ofhates the guy but sort of loves him too. It’s – complicated.

Lily, who’s the other data analyst and who he shares an office with,likes to gleefully tell him that it’s not thatcomplicated, and they’ve all got bets going on when Raphael and Simon ‘crackfrom the tension and start banging’, and that she thinks he’s good for Raphael.That’s the hardest part to hear. Simon can take all the innuendoes and thegood-natured teasing, but when people genuinely tell him to go for it he sortof shuts down. Because – nope, there’s no way that Raphael Santiago, a powerhouse of a business mogul, would ever beinterested in Simon Lewis.

He’s lost in his self-deprecating thoughts when he gets a call, and hefrowns as he checks the screen. Speak of the devil – why is Raphael calling himthis late at night? He cautiously takes the call and brings it to his ear.

“Hello?”

“HELLOOOO, I’M LOOKING FOR A GOOD TIME!” A voice shouts down the line-a voice that is definitely not hisboss’. Simon yelps, pulling the phone away from his ear and staring down at it,bewildered, before he brings it back up.

“I’m…sorry?” he hedges. There’s sounds of a scuffle on the other end, amuffled thump, and then –

“A good time!” the voice continues, the words slurred. “That’s why yournumber’s here, right? For a good time?Well, have I got a deal – no, a steal– no, stop it Ra – let go of me, I’mgonna get you laid – anyway my friend Raphael is sorely in need of a good time because he has a stick up his ass so – “

Simon’s having conniptions atthis point. His mouth is hanging open and he’s staring blankly at the screen,trying to figure out how this is his life. The other man’s voice cuts off, andthen starts up again, sounding out of breath like he’s running.

“So listen carefully I need you to do whatever it is you do becauseRaphael keeps mooning over this new employee he has and wow he needs to ask that dude out already so if you could blow himor something and restore his confidence- “

“BANE!” a clearer voice shouts, and oh, that voice Simon recognizes. He winces as the phone makes a staticnoise, more alarming sounds coming from it, before Raphael speaks.

“Hi,” he says, his voice low and raspy and oh God, Simon wants to die rather than have this conversation. “I’m sosorry about my friend, he’s very, very drunk. He found your number in thebathroom at Pandemonium, I don’t know if – “

“My number?” Simon splutters,dropping his pen. “What?”

“Yes. I presume you didn’t know anything about this.” Raphaelcontinues. “I’m so sorry to disturb you – “

“Fucking Jace.” Simon mutters, half to himself, as memories of theirnight out rushes to the forefront of his mind. “Of course he’d do somethingidiotic like that.”

“Jace – Jace Wayland?” Raphael asks, and Simon freezes. Shit, how dumbis he that he forgot his boss doesn’t know he’s talking to Simon? “Do I…knowyou?” There’s a pause on the other end of the line, and Simon closes his eyesand prays dear God please open up a holein the ground straight to the nearest volcano and dump me in there.

“Er.” Simon says, but that seems to be enough.

“Simon?” Raphael asks.

“The one and only.” He says weakly, making jazz hands even though heknows Raphael can’t see them. “Heyyy, Raphael.”

“You – why is your number in the Pandemonium bathroom?”

“So, funny story,” Simon runs a hand through his hair, “You know Jace,one of the legal reps for the Clave – well, he and I went out one night and…hemight have put my number there? We were pretty…out of it, to be fair.”

“Right.” Raphael says, and there’s a strange note in his voice. “Youknow that’s a gay club.”

“Yeah?” Simon frowns. “I know. Who was your friend on the line?”

“Oh, Magnus.” There’s the unmistakable sound of a whoop in thebackground, presumably the Magnus Raphael is talking about. “He ownsPandemonium. He just, ah, is going through something.”

“Poor guy.” Simon commiserates, before something occurs to him withgrowing dread. “Wait, Raphael, Magnus said something about – you having a thing for someone at work.”

“That’s none of your concern.” Raphael says, his voice firm andno-nonsense. Fortunately, Simon’s pretty immune to that voice, because it’salways coupled with that hint of a smile tugging at Raphael’s lips as he looksat Simon, so.

“Oh but it is.” Simonwheedles, his heart caught somewhere between elation and dread. If he finds outtonight that Raphael actually has the hots for someone else, it’s going tosuck. There’s no way around it. But still – isn’t it better to know then to be left in limbo? “Come on,Raphael, I’m bored and I need something entertaining – “

“You’re bored? Go watch one of your ridiculous shows.” Raphaelresponds. “Also, I don’t think my…feelings…are entertaining.”

“There’s no TV in the office, I can’t watch anything. And I didn’t meanto imply anything less about your feelings.” Simon hastens to say. “But, youknow. It’s you! Who has the mighty Raphael Santiago fallen for?”

“The office?” Raphael asks, ignoring the rest of Simon’s sentence.“You’re still at work?”

“Oh. Yeah.” Simon says, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. “Justfinishing up the risk analysis.”

“It’s almost eleven. Go home, Simon.” Raphael says, his voice tired.“I’m sure someone is waiting up for you.”

“Nope.” Simon huffs out a laugh, idly tracing the keys on his keyboard.“I, uh – no one’s waiting up for me.”

“No?” Raphael asks. His voice is quiet now, and Simon almost misses thenext words. “That’s a shame.”

“Right.” Simons says, his voice thick. There’s a sudden lump in histhroat that he can’t swallow around, something nameless and infinitelyterrifying, full of possibilities, settling around him at Raphael’s words. “Um.You?”

“What?”

“Is anyone waiting up for you?”

“No.” Raphael laughs bitterly. “No, I – don’t have what it takes to bein a relationship.”

“Don’t have what it – are you drunk?”

“No.” Raphael is silent for a while before he speaks again. “Just verytired.”

“Then go home and sleep.” Simon rubs a hand over his face, theadrenaline draining out of him as he considers that it really was ridiculous tohope, just a little, that Raphael thought of Simon the same way Simon thoughtof him. “I’ll finish up here and leave soon too.”

“Alright.” Raphael says on the other end, and then he hangs up. Simonstares at his phone for a few minutes before he fires off a text to Jacetelling him exactly where he can shove himself and his drunk ideas. The tattooswere nice, but the late-night phone call from his boss breaking his heart was decidedly not nice.

He shuffles together his reports and stacks them up, regarding themwarily. It’s time for him to go home and sleep off his melancholy mood. Heshuts down his computer and is just grabbing his keys when he hears footsteps.

“Hello?” He calls, cautiously peering out of his office. In the dimlight, he sees someone familiar walking down the hallway. “Raphael? What thehell are you doing here?”

Raphael comes to a stop in front of him, his eyes intense as he looksat Simon. He’s wearing jeans and a leather jacket, and to be honest Simon didnot know Raphael owned anything other than suits. He looks really fucking good, as always, and his usuallyperfectly styled hair is mussed lightly, making him look like he just had sex.Simon swallows.

“You should know what happened tonight.” Raphael says seriously, andSimon frowns.

“I know what happened.” Hereasons. “It’s fine, honestly, Raphael, you couldn’t have known it was mynumber that your friend was calling.”

“He called the number because he was drunk, yeah, but also because hegenuinely wanted me to get my mind off of my feelings.”

“Right.” Simon attempts to smile, but judging by the look on Raphael’sface it came out more like a grimace. “Is everything okay?” Raphael is silentfor a long time, and then he swallows audibly.

“You.” He says to Simon. “They’re feelings for you.”

Simon is floored for a second, unable to do anything but gape atRaphael. The blanket of terror and elation from before is back, crashing intohim. He feels like a string pulled taut, hovering on the edge of a precipice.He never could have imagined that it would be Raphael instigating this.

“Really?” Simon manages to croak out. Raphael nods, and Simon breaksout into a grin. “Oh, thank Godbecause I feel the same way. About you.”

Raphael flinches at thatrevelation. Simon frowns then, taking in the tight lines across Raphael’s faceand the way he’s clenching his fists. “Raphael? What’s wrong?”

“You should know.” He gets out, his voice tight. “When Magnus calledand said those things about…having a good time, and all that – I don’t do that.Magnus wouldn’t even have called and said those things if he weren’t drunkhimself. It was a joke.”

“I figured as much.” Simon says slowly. “But you’re trying to saysomething else here?”

“Yeah, I’m.” Raphael exhales, and crosses his arms defensively. “I’masexual. I’m never going to want sex.”

Oh.

“I feel very strongly about you, Simon.” Raphael continues, his voiceveering into anguished territory, leaving Simon dazed with the amount ofemotion that’s behind his words. “I didn’t think I would ever feel anything aboutanyone, and I was okay with that. Butyou’re – different. And you deserve to be happy. This isn’t how I imaginedtelling you, but beggars can’t be choosers.” He says, shrugging his shouldersand giving Simon a self-deprecating smile. It’s heartbreaking.

“You make me happy.” Simonblurts out, desperate to alleviate the sadness that Raphael is carrying. “Ialways – your sense of humor is really aggressive and it took me a long time toparse out that when you were insulting me or not, but – my feelings for youaren’t based in sex.” He says.

Raphael makes a startled noise and steps back, searching Simon’s facefor something. Simon swallows and stands his ground.

“You – really?” Raphael asks.

“I’m not gonna lie and say that I immediately know what to do aboutit.” Simon says firmly. “We need to sit down and have a long talk about yourboundaries and my boundaries and how this is going to work out, but God – Ilike you. A lot. I want to work it out. I want to try, and I – I mean, do you want that?”

“More than you could know.” Raphael says slowly. Simon reaches out atentative hand.

“Can I…?” he asks, his voice unsteady. Raphael makes a noise and pullsSimon forward, wrapping him up in a tight embrace. Simon slides his arms aroundRaphael’s back, burying his face in Raphael’s hair and sighing contentedly.

“You use too much product in your hair.” Simon mutters, nosing over thestiff strands.

“This is a romantic moment.” Raphael fires back, tightening his grip onSimon’s waist. His voice is muffled as he presses his face into Simon’s neck.“You’re ruining it.”

“I’m making it better.” Simon counters, laughing. Raphael pulls backand looks at him, his eyes warm and trusting as he leans in to brush his nosealong Simon’s cheek.

“You make everything better.” He whispers hoarsely, his voice soft andawestruck.

“So do you.” Simon whispers back, his voice equally as awestruck.

It’s almost midnight, and they’re in a drab high-rise office buildingin the middle of New York. Raphael smells like alcohol and sharp perfume, likethe club he’s made his way from, and Simon’s phone number is still etched intothe corner of a wall somewhere in a public restroom, something he really shouldtake care of. He and Raphael still need to figure out how a boss-employeerelationship is going to work, and they’re standing next to rows and rows ofcubicles. It’s not exactly a fairy-tale romance. It’s the furthest thing fromthat – it’s just them swaying slightly, wrapped up in each other, under theweak fluorescent lights of the office.

But it’s more perfect than anything Simon could have ever imagined,because Raphael is here, in his arms,and that’s enough of a fairy-tale for him.

[sithlordintraining]

Live with the Force, Honey

A/N: Hello everyone! January has most def. been the longest month ever. But this has been itching me ever since I’ve seen Adam’s GQ cover. And once people started giving him his own life, it just seemed perfect. I’ve loved Space Dandy for about 3 years now. This is mostly based on the first episode: ‘Live with the Flow, Baby’. If you watch the episode first, you might get a better understanding. Hopefully some of you guys like it <3

Word Count: 2,951; I’m sorry if it is too much for some.

Narrator: A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away; Ben Solo: he's a dandy guy in space. He combs the galaxy like his hair on the hunt for aliens and any other things that people need smuggling. Planet after planet he searches, discovering bizarre relics and new creatures, both friendly and not. These are the spectacular adventures of Ben Solo and his brave space crew in space.

“You know what's wrong with women Threepio?”

“What is wrong with them Master Solo?” He responded.

“Women love showing their boobs like it's some spectacular sight, but really isn't.” Ben shrugged looking over to C3-PO. “The booty is where it's at!”

“Oh! Master Solo!” Threepio exclaimed.

Continuing to screw in the last bolt on the grate, he chuckled. “I'm telling, if you weren't all wires, you'd understand. But listen, every girl has boobies. But, booty?” He sighed standing up. “Well, those are the girls for me. A boob-man is a brainless man. And I got brains.”

“Oh Master Solo, if your mother could hear you, she’d-” C3-PO interjected.

“As for you,” He walked closer holding the screwdriver to Threepio. “My mother won't hear about this because I'm the one with the screwdriver.” He showed his gorgeous smile, leaving the robot in every more of a panic mode.

Narrator: You've met our protagonist and his robot companion who legally illegally smuggle for a living. You see this tall, handsome, dark-haired pale-face contrast of a man is Ben Solo. Depending on how many light years away your planet is, you probably still would've heard of him. Son of famous smuggler and General Han Solo and Princess turned General as well, Leia Organa-Solo; whose twin brother, Ben’s uncle, the famous Jedi Master Luke Skywalker, who defeated their infamously loved father Darth Vader and lead to the fall of the Empire. Who at the end, Darth Vader came back to the light and some say were reunited with the love of his life, their mother Padme Amidala. She was also a Royal who thought she would do better in politics. But back to Ben, who could be seen on the cover of any ‘SpaceThrob’ holo as the handsome bad boy royal. He could've been a Jedi or General or a Senator, but instead, like his father before him-

“I am a smuggler! And I will go where all smugglers go that need a quick job. Swinging his leg over to straddle the chair, he plopped down and hit the switches. “TO BOOBIES!”

“Oh no Master Solo, not again.”

“Master Solo, I never understood why you new age smugglers like to do business in a place like this.” C3-PO tried to keep up with Ben as he was dazed in the sea of women of various species chest. Finally, seeing him seated in a booth between two women, he relaxed as much as his wires could.

The women went away, leaving the golden robot and a drooling man-boy. “Did you find any jobs, sir?” Eyes still scanning the sea of women, Ben let out a chuckle. “Loosen up we will get something, we just need to have a little fun.”

Narrator: Such is the scene at BooBies, one of many chains of so-called "breastaurants" with locations all over known space. Breastaurants are where zero-G meets DD, staffed as they are by the top-heaviest girls of any species sporting boobs. And since the roster of ladies is different at each location, Ben's made it his mission in life to visit every single one. He dreams of buying out the chain someday and eating every meal there. Even if it's against General Organa’s liking.

C3-PO was so enthralled at the sight of the large alien, he missed Ben slipping out the both. His eyes couldn't stay focused as he made his way to the bar. Boobies! As far as the eye can see. And even farther! Ben thought, eyes widening.

“Urgh!” Ben stumbled back, falling on his behind. Opening his eyes, he knew for sure he was dead.

“Boobs.” He whispered as soft as he could.

“Are you okay?” Looking up at the chest to see where the beautiful voice came from.

(H/C) hair surrounded her face as he looked into her (E/C) eyes. Her brows furrowed as the man still didn't answer.

“I-I’m fine.” Ben blushed in embarrassment. You let out a little giggle, pushing his raven locks back. “You're cute! What's your name?”

Pushing himself up a little further, and confidence, he spoke. “I’m Solo, but you can call me Ben.”

You let out a toothy laugh. Ben couldn't help but glance down and watch your chest jiggle. The shade of red rose from his neck to his cheeks, as he let out a chuckle looking back up to your still closed eyes.

“Oh, Master Solo, there you are! I have been looking for you.” Ben groaned at the robot as he pushed himself off the ground. Ignoring his companion he helped the girl up, he couldn't help but chuckle at how much smaller she was than him.

“And what's your name honey?”  Ben put on his best Solo mac. “It's Baby, and who is this knight in shining armor?” You turned facing Threepio.

Slightly caught off-guard, he shook his head and introduced the two of them.

“C3-PO, this is Baby, Baby this is C3-PO”

Stepping in front of Ben, he offered his hand. “It is a pleasure to meet you Miss Baby.” Ben scoffed as you tried to hide your blushing face. “Oh!” You smiled. “And such a gentleman!”

“Yeah.” Ben let out a fake smile, pushing Threepio back.

“How ‘bout you guys get comfy and I'll bring you some drinks, how does that sound?” You smiled.

“Sounds great baby!” Ben exclaimed.

Making their way back to the booth, C3-PO filled Ben on the real reason he went to find him. “So it's just a simple transport job?” He looked at the robot. “Yes, sir. They are actually waiting in our booth.” Ben slowed his pace as he saw two built Lorridan men waiting for them.

Sliding in the booth, he let out a weary breath. “Gentlemen.” He composed his cool demeanor once again.

“The job is simple.” One of them spoke.

“Woah! I didn't even accept it!” Ben put his hands up.

“It's ok, your friend did it for you.” One smirked.

Slowly turning his head “Threepio!” He said through his teeth.

“As I said the job is simple, pick up and drop off.” The man rolled the scroll over to Ben with instructions. Ben chuckled at the sight of such an ancient system he's only heard about. “You can burn it when you're finished with the job. And don't open it until you ready for transport.”

Grabbing the scroll with his massive hand and stuffing it into his vest, his other hand brushed some strands back. “What is it you want me to pickup and drop off?”

“Well-” the man spoke up, only to be cut off by his partner. “That.” He pointed.

Ben slowly turned around. Seeing a small hooded figure hop on the barstool. Turning back around to asking about payment, only a satchel of credits were left in the men's place.

“Boy you sure know how to pick them, don't you?” He growled exiting the booth with C3-PO in tow. He stomped his way over behind.

Looming over the figure, he laid a hand on its shoulder. “Excuse me-” All of sudden, Ben was blinded by a drink thrown in his face. Wiping his eyes, he saw the figure dart away from him. Taking quick strides, Ben followed the small figures moves. All fours? What is he?  Deciding to sneak attack, he hid behind the pillar waiting for the figure to appear. Tapping into the force, he sensed the figure, he kicked his leg out, having him fall to the ground.

Narrator: What is the force, you may ask? “It's an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us; it binds the galaxy together.” Stated by Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jedi Master to both Anakin and his son, Luke Skywalker. The power of the Force could be used by individuals who were sensitive to it, a power that was tapped through the midi-chlorians. The two main practitioners of the Force's power are the Jedi Order, the light side, and the Sith, the dark side.

“He's knocked out. Let's head to the ship.” Throwing the unconscious being over his shoulder he strode his way out.

“Oh, Mr. Solo! Here's your drink!” Baby's voice rang out from behind him.

Turning around, he saw a jumbo jug mug with a crazy straw pushed in his face.

“I know you're in a rush, so here are your complimentary BooBies To-Go Jug Mug!” You smiled and he seemed to have the dumb expression wash over his face again. Accepting the jug, they made their way to the ship.

Narrator: Meanwhile, aboard the First Order’s ship, Supreme Leader Snoke has managed to pinpoint the location of Ben Solo. Pleased with this discovery, General Hux prepares to capture his target. Outside, a galactic war rages between two opposing forces: the Resistance, and the First Order. They have been locked in a battle for ultimate control of the entire universe for years. As the battle rages on, Ben's ship, the Millennium Falcon, passes by as if oblivious that he is the key to ending this war.

“He's near.” His voice echoed in the dark chambers.

Standing up from his knee, his blue eyes pierced the hologram. “You feel it again, Supreme Leader?” The red-headed man asked.

“Indeed. He's been using the force more often.” The eerie figure spoke out. “General, prepare your ships.”

The General bowed and the hologram was gone. Turning on his heel, he made his way out of the room. The blast doors opened revealing his shorter and fidgety assistant. “Mitaka!” He scoffed at his close proximity.

“Sorry, sir.” He took a step back.

“Contact Captain Phasma and tell her we have found Ben Solo’s location.” The General swiftly made his way to the control room. Mitaka taking long strides to keep up.

Narrator: Back on the Millenium Falcon, C3-PO and Ben Solo stared at the hidden figure, trying to decipher what could anyone want with this creature. Of course, if Ben could remember the scroll with the instructions, he'd have better insight.

“What is it?” Ben inquired.

“It's a Loth-Cat, Master Solo. Found on-” waving at him Ben replied, “Yeah, yeah I get that, but he was walking as well.”

Leaning in to get a better look, he soon face to face with the creature. The creature opened its eyes and head butted Ben.

“WHAT THE KRIFF?!” Holding his head, he stumbled watching the creature run off. Gritting his teeth, he, once again ran off to find it.

Turning down various hallways and searching in small compartments, he finally found him. There was nowhere left to run.

“What do you want from me?” The creature spoke.

With wide eyes, Ben spoke, “You can speak!” Pointing at the creature.

“Yeah, so, is that why I'm here on this piece of junk?” He scratched the wall.

“HEY! The Millennium Falcon is not a piece of junk!” Ben was now towering over the creature.

Eyes peering up at him, the cat cowered back in fear. “The-then you are. You are Han Solo?”

Putting a hand to his chest, he let out an exaggerated a scoff. “Excuse me! I'd like to think I'm better looking than that scruffy nerf herder!”

“So you're not him? Then why do you have his ship?”

“Well it's a long story,” Ben scratched the back of his neck.

Narrator: You see learning to pilot a ship is any boy's right of passage to manhood. Han had promised his offspring a brand new ship if he fulfilled certain duties, one being able to take care of the ship he so cautiously bestowed on to the young Ben. On Ben's 20th Birthday he was presented with a beautiful sleek blue ship, and an excited Ben decided to take it out for a joyride. Fortunately, Ben met two beautiful Mandalorian girls, who showed him an amazing time. Unfortunately for Ben, this also meant waking up in an abandoned hotel room with no form of transportation to get back.

“And that's why we are here on this historical ship, so can you PLEASE refrain for any more scratches.” Ben bent down to observe the curled metal. That old man is going to kill me. “So why did you take me?” The creature asked softly.

“Well, it's just simple job, pickup” Ben swayed his hand “drop off.”

“DROP OFF? DROP OFF! DROP OFF WHERE?” The cat squealed jumping from wall to wheel.

“HEY! Hey! Relax, relax. You're damaging the walls. What's your name anyways?” The cat calmed down and just heaved, letting out a sigh he said “Maumau.”

“Meow Meow?”

“No, Maumau.”

Ben stifled a laugh. “How original.” Maumau rolling his eyes once again asked why he was taken and Ben just shrugged. “I don't know, let's ask Threepio since he got us into this mess.” Making their way back to the cockpit, C3-PO turned around “Oh, well know that you two have gotten acquainted, Master Solo did you open up the scroll?” He scrunched up his face. “What scroll? What are you even talking about?” Ben sat down slurping the last of the drink in his jug mug.

“Master Solo, your memory does concern me some time.” Taking a step closer, he poked his chest.

“Hey!” Clutching his chest only to fill the scroll. “Oh, thanks, Threepio” he mumbled.

Undoing the scroll, he quickly skimmed over it; eyes widening at the amounts of credits he would receive. This was too good to be true. Maybe he could buy a ship, or in all honesty, start a saving fund to buy a new ship. Looking up from the scroll, he glanced at Maumau.

“What did you do?” Ben inquired.

“Talk,” he answered. Ben lifted his brow.

“Yeahhhhhh.” he dragged. “How is that possible? I thought you guys were pets or something.”

“No! That’s the stupid Tooka’s.” He crossed arms. “It all started when I was captured, some people did some experiments and I learned how to talk, but they thought that I wouldn’t be able to think for myself. They treated me terrible and I had to go.”

Feeling sympathy towards the guy, he bit his lip and looked at the scroll once again. A new ship or save him?  

“Master Solo, what do you want to do?” Threepio rushed to his side. Looking up, he was satisfied with his answer “I’m going to get a new ship!” Maumau suddenly became frantic hopping all over the cockpit.

Narrator: Approaching near, but still far, Captain Phasma and her troopers made their way to the Falcon. Due to the vastness of space, the captain couldn’t see the ship jump into hyperdrive.

“Contact the General.” the trooper nodded and the general soon appeared. “Captain, I assume the capture was a success?” He suppressed a smirk.

“General Hux, if I may?” with a nod he continued. “General, we’ve been sitting here for 5 minutes, he is nowhere to be found. This has been the third time this week. Even though I work for the First Order, you can’t just command my fleet to continuously stop and scan the galaxy looking for some space brat.” She shook her helmet.

Hux’s jaw locked. Catching Ben Solo was one of the only things that Hux hadn’t succeeded at. It’s been years and it wasn’t like he was running from the order, Ben knew too well to get mixed up in the war. (The reason he decided to join his father in the family business).

“If you would like to safe in that ship and expand the Order, I suggest you let my troops and I be.” Ending the transmission.

Quickly striding, he entered the dark room. “You have him?” Snoke’s voice echo.

“Well, Supreme Leader . . . No.”

Snoke gritted his teeth. “This is truly your downfall. If not to today, when do you expect to obtain him?” he inquired.

“Next week, hopefully.”

Narrator: Now that you fangirls have found out that Ben is safe and Hux is probably on the chopping block, you can all stop biting your nails and get back to the story.

“Where are we?” Maumau asked.

“I don’t know, if you don’t jump on all the controls and jump us into hyperspace, maybe I would know!” Ben grilled the cat. “Threepio, where are we?”

“Master Solo, processing my calculations, I would say: I don’t know,” he replied. And Ben huffed.

“Hey what’s that?” Maumau pointed to the window.

Approaching slowly, all three stared at what seemed to be a long never-ending chain floating through space. Sitting in the pilot seat, he began to follow the chain. “Look! It seems to be connected to that planet.” Ben maneuvered the ship approaching the white planet. Landing the ship, the three of them went to explore the planet. Stepping onto it, he was instantly hit with a rush.

“Are you alright Master Solo?” C3-PO asked. Shaking his head yes, he squinted his eyes following the chain. Ben was getting some strange pull to follow the chain. They followed the chain until they came to a handle. Reaching a hand, he went to grab the handle.

“Wait, do you know what it does?” Maumau asked.

“Nope.” And with that Ben pulled it.

Narrator: Ah, the cosmic string. A thread like concentration of energy within the structure of space-time. And our brave hero just pulled it. Possibly bringing the end to us all.

To Be Continued . . . 

I hope you guys liked it, I really did the most for this. My English teachers would be so proud. I feel like I should cite my sources: Wookipedia & Space-DandyWikia. But let me know hope you guys feel about it. Of course, I had to tweak a few (seems like a lot ) to flow as much as it could.

[hgfstreamchats]

Pokemon Yellow Nuzlocke: Part II

Hello there, Starscream! Hello! Greetings. What madness is this? Who knows? Is the screen blurry for you? Not terribly, no. Ahh, it was on my end. It looks normal to me Hello! Hello! Seems legit. Why does he have no shoes? I do not like that the small creature has no shoes. .... ... "As bitch" Did you pause it, or is the stream doing something bad? Post-update, the stream's always doing something bad.

... Seems legal! Looking for one without the logo in the corner because it annoys me. Wasn't "snakes" code for... some ethnic group or something Knowing humans, probably. Mobile poob. Oh my god Oh boy Oh my god Well said. Oh my god. they cannot help but be dysfunctional with every breath Brief 30 second advertisement. Maybe they could take bitcoin! OH BOY Of being kidnapped and mugged. Oh my god. ............ ewwwwwwww Holy shit Dear Unicron. The flashing was distracting I can imagine. I still can't believe we named the pig monkey that. I think it's appropriate. AND hilarious. Agreed! I had to run an errand, what have I missed? What was happening in the stream when you left? Oh! Naming! Suggestions! Fluffy. 😃 The beginning of a staff meeting was going on when I had to leave. Well, basically, the people they invited into their "Paddy's Wagon" were not impressed and they kind of... kidnapped and mugged a bunch of people And dropped them off in the woods. That can happen when one signs up to a drinking convoy. Also, the "leprechaun trap" caught a guy They had an argument over whether he was a leprechaun and kinda... tortured him a bit. Eventually it turned out he was a pickpocket. And they dumped him in the woods, too. A fine adventure. I am sorry to have missed it. And it also turned out that maybe he was in fact a leprechaun? Or maybe the paint-drinker was hallucinating. I'm sorry we can't get this crysalis thing I'm thinking of trading someone out for the new rock. Yes, get Fluffy big and strong Put Witwicky in the Box. Make him suffer neglect It's What He Deserves Fluffy's sturdy. That might save a life down the road. Unless it learns self destruct. Unless that. Also, Alpinacee already knows a fighting move and is capable of learning more. Is... that a thing? Do geodudes blow themselves up? When they get bigger, I think it is a thing they do. Huh. That said, I never claim to know that much about these monsters. I am certainly too old to become a pokemon master myself. That sprite looks... weird. Fluffy has some very unusual growths. Maybe they're like... round stalagmites Oh, Fluffy, I already like you. I'm going to take you far in the world. Love how we just cut in line every time. Outta the way, kid! Pokemaster coming through! We were destined to either run into a geodude or one of those horrid bats no one likes and I'm thrilled at our luck. I just realized. He looks like a cabbage! We will still somehow end up with a bat. Just out of spite. What is Alpina, again? Nidoran female. Ohhhhh, right! Ohhhhh, right! Time for another mugging! "I'm waiting for my friends to find me here" doesn't exactly make it seem like SHE'S attacking US We are absolutely attacking the other children, killing their pets, and stealing their money. Tonight's theme is mugging. It is, isn't it. Oh! A paras! 😀 Even that leprachaun from the first video might've been plotting to mug them. There are so many lovely and hideously venomous pokemon in this game~ Did that guy have... a whip? probably Yes, that's a whip 😕 For whipping disobedient children. Is that better or worse than if it were for whipping pokemon That would depend upon who you are asking. Cabbage vs orange Wait, what just happened Ohhhh Wheeljack! Red! About to hotbox the frag out of my ship What is this Excellent. Knock Out is beating up children... and the occasional weird adult... and their pets, for $$$ Pokemon Yellow, Nuzlocke run. If the little monsters faint, they die. nice Also, limited to catching the first wild pokemon we meet in each area so it IS possible to make it to the end of the game and not have enough of a team to survive it what is that, a rock? Yeah, it's a Geodude A rock with arms. .... Rockman? Red, is that rockman?? Rock with fists! Rockman Returns Son of Rockman Unicron blessed. Rockman Messiah. If we find a Clefairy, I'm taking it for no other reason than they're rare and we'll almost certainly never use it. Do it. It would not be the first cheat we have overlooked. Go, Fluffy! Anakin You know. Because sand. Take the dome fossil. Do they do something? It is the superior one. You can revive the pokemon that it once was. Why can't you just grab 'em both, I mean you beat this kid into the ground already-- Ohhhh. Nice. Jessie! James! 😀 I love these idiots. Gasp How dare you hurt Meowth. He must be killed. GASP. All who oppose must perish. He's just sleeping. Gasp! Our monsters are growing up. She looks so TRIUMPHANT. As she should be! She's ruthless! blasting off agaiiiiiiiind *again Is this a new area? Are we allowed to get... A NEW POKEMON? That was entirely too close a call. In the future, no more skimping on antidotes. It would have been a terrible anticlimactic end. Oh--poison continues out of combat? Yes. Ahhhh. Sounds vaguely unsavory. "Haha, Bill will do ANYTHING for rare pokemon, if you know what I mean" Well, time to pay Bill a visit! Starscr, can't believe you don't even name your pokemons. It's like you don't care. ...Okay, two cheat cards. Oh--oh no! Special. Little. Boy. Not Lambo! That never happened. I didn't see anything if none of you saw anything. I was looking at something in another tab, personally. Seems unfair that pokemon names get more characters than player/rival names. That's right, Night human. You were. Putting the most disposable first? Another Mankey? More like the most in need of training. Be right back. Well done, Rat With No Name! Always with the poison. And those horrifying flashes. Back! Oh, so THAT'S what the flashing is. I thought it was just... part of that area. What'd I miss? No one died. Ominous but okay. Fluffy's saving Lambo the indignity of being repeatedly killed by small birds. Fluffy's nice that way. Lambo seems to be very fragile. And the game will never let him evolve. I'm starting to consider him more of a pet than a battling Pokemon. That's valid. He is your mascot. As you travel the world, killing everything in your way. Awwwww, you can't ACTUALLY join Team Rocket? You just say no in a cutscene? Bah. To be fair, with all the trainers we've been mugging, they're not good enough for US That's fair. I'm convinced that was my offscreen response. Ha. Oh, the people on the bridge scare you, and then someone comes along and beats all of them, so you attack that person? Thinker of the year award! Name! Audrey II Yes! !!!! TEN characters for pokemon names. And only seven for your own name !! : D So I missed... exactly HOW you got Rodimus there? That kid just gave you him? Apparently. Gosh. Gosh. Time to train. He's just a baby. But we'll raise him up into a beautiful, full fledged disaster. I've actually never met a Rodimus in my life. You're missing out. I hear they are noisy. Baby's leveling up already. Oooooo. I like this one. Violet? GASP. Oh is this because of its evolution It's because of its eyes and mouth. Oh, come on! It's cute! Moth, fly. Doesn't matter, I'm clever. Absolutely adorable, right up until it becomes a moth with mandibles that take up half its face Still adorable. If down the road we all decide we love it, we'll rename it Violet. There's NOTHING WRONG with having mandibles that take up half your face. Agreed! I just love it when it's a fuzzbug ...also, you can rename things? A few towns on. Nice. This is SO Zelda overworld. Isn't it just? : D Love that Nidorina. I'm glad you got her. *is concerned* Seems like they should've gotten more xp for that. That was brutal. I forgot how much psychic powers suck for you in this game That was brutal and concerning. I thought for sure we were going to lose someone. we're gonna be fine for a few gyms, but then we have to face the Psychic gym We will need a ghost. And will likely still lose party members. Well, that's sobering. "I wish my guy was as good as you!" I get that a lot. Ha! I wouldn't normally hike back after one battle, but that slowpoke encounter terrified me. Yeah, me too. And really, why NOT get all the free healing you can? Does running away have a failure chance? Yes. Sometimes you cannot escape. Ah. Baby's first solo kill! ... Good work, little creature. Great, now Rodimus can leer. Inevitable. Get your own clefairy, you moocher. So this is Bill. A little TOO into pokemon, if you know what I mean. All aboard the S.S. Bang Ship. Bill's favorite mode of transportation. Pfffft! Innocent bystanders are always dressed like team rocket. "I'm an innocent bystander," says the guy with a whip and a shirt with a big R on the front "And if you don't believe me, I'll kill you!" But we get to keep the stolen property we recovered, right? Or course. So shines a good deed in a naughty world. !!!!!! She BUFF. yuuup Guy over there just chilling in the water. Lambo''s benched, so we need that Bulbasaur. So she offers you the Bulbasaur if she sees you giving potions to pokemon? If the pikachu is happy enough. Ohhhh. ...What WOULD be a good name for a Bulbasaur Leafy Doom? Doom Bloom Tailgate? I love a good theme and it's stubby. Hee! Go for it. No Audrey II? Audrey II's face makes me uncomfortable. Shall we leave it there for tonight? I'm tempted to bump these up to weekly; I'm having that much fun with this. Weekly? Yeah! That sounds great. I would be on board for weekly sessions. It's all I can do to put it down now! Gambling with these little creatures' lives is addicting. All in good fun. One never knows when it will all go horribly worng. Exhibit A, slowpoke. Yeah. All right, all right, to be continued! I look forward to it! And for our sign off video... .... That is not an encouraging title. ..... "They found him reading the bible, without his pants" .... Well. The correct way to end this evening. The only correct way. Goodnight, and thank you for hosting. Until next time! I look forward to it! Good night! Yes, thank you for the stream! And see you next week! See you then!

[toodamnloyal]

Freshman Watches Phantom

1. The Freshman 2. @crosscalypso 3. Me

3. Remember this is about 30 years prior. 1. Okay. 2. The empire doesn’t really exist. 3. It doesn’t exist at all. 2. -a look-

(our blockade is perfectly legal, we’re happy to receive ambassadors) 1. A trap.

1. Obi-Wan and Anakin? 2. Obi-Wan and his master

1. -whispers at Darth Sidious- I don’t like you. Sparky-sparky boom-man.

(this is impossible) 2. Not even a little bit. 2,3: -discussing how unconventional and powerful Qui-Gon is- 2. He’s almost a Grey Jedi 1. There’s more?! Come on. 3. Jedi, Sith, Dark Jedi, Grey Jedi....

(Jar-Jar arrives) 2. Ahhh. Guuuuh. 

1. Are they just made to be annoying? 2,3. Yes 1. Yeesh. Star Wars: let's make you even more angry

1. ‘okieday’? I hate him.

1. Woah that’s cool! Can I have walls like that? Oh. Are there more Jar-Jars here? 2. No only one is as obnoxious as Jar-Jar. 1. Jar-Jar himself. If they weren’t so annoying I’d call them Atlantians.

1. I have no idea what he’s talking about.

1. (jar jar talking) What? 

(Qui-Gon uses Force to put Jar-Jar to sleep) 1. Yay! I approve. What the actual heck is wrong with this place? 2. It created Jar-Jar Binks, it’s literally the worst place. 1. What place is this?  3. Naboo. 1. Yeah-no.

1. Can you make a Jedi in Pathfinder? It’d be a monk. 

1. Jar-Jar stop talking.

3. I love how in the book, Qui-Gon’s internal dialogue is always being annoyed by the one snarky handmaiden who has too much influence 1. There's a snarky handmaiden? So the’s the Artoo? 2. Yes! She’s the swiss pocket knife of handmaidens.

1. Artoo! Yes, Artoo-Detoo! Is that Artoo? 3. Yes. 1. Yay! The snarky one!

(Darth Maul arrives) 1. Oh my gosh! Who the heck are you?!

(tiny Anakin) 1. Is that an important kid?  3. -nod-

1. I have no idea what you’re saying Jar-Jar....

1. So no-one notices that he sabotaged the thing? 2. Nope 1,2. That or those who notice just don’t care.

(Jaba the Hutt arrives) 1. OH YOU. And another. And the albino mindflayer!

1. In my heart, I wanna believe that the part he broke was just a prop. Not important. Just a tiny thing. 3. But the camera focused on it. 1. The camera focused on it and this is Star Wars.

1. How the heck does the kid know how to do this?

3. The hardest freaking level on Lego Star Wars!

1. This kid, he has already accomplished so much more than me in life. 2. Well, his midichlorians... 1. I have midichlorians too I just don’t know how to use them.

1. It’s one thing to fly one of these things. But to fly it, while it’s broken and you’re racing and keep it under control - just let Ani win! I keep forgetting this kid becomes Darth Vader.

1. He’s like, what’s his name? The Saboteur?  3. Sabulba 1. He’s like the guy with a Toyota with the 50 inch rims.

2. The face he makes reminds me of Gillette’s stink face. ( @undauntedloyalty tagging you bc reasons) I’ll never be able to unsee it all because of Gillette and his stink face.

(careful ani, careful ani) 2. Shut up Jar-Jar, shut up Jar-Jar.

(you’ve brought hope to so many who have none) 3. And then he becomes Darth Vader 2. I give hope to other men and keep none for myself.

2. Aslan has freed you.

(we’re a democracy) 1. With a Queen. 3. The Queen is elected 1. But its not a democracy 3. By definition it is! 1. It makes no sense! 2. Shhhh

1. Please don’t tell me that girl is Luke’s mom 3. What? 1. Please don’t tell me that is Luke’s mom. 3. What? 2. Don’t tell you what? 1. It’s building up their relationship in this platonic way but I’m afraid it’s gonna be more, and I just can’t handle that. She’s so much older and, just - no. 2. He’s 9 or 10, she’s 14 but yeah I’m not telling you who Luke’s mom is.

(Papaltine comes in announcing bid for Chancellor) 1. I don’t like this guy. Right away I don’t like him. There’s something off with this guy. What’s wrong with him?

(I dont wanna be a problem. You wont be) 2. Literally becomes the biggest problem in the galaxy. 

2. The one character you spend three movies going ‘please die, please die, please die’ 1. And the ones you like they die! Obi-Wan, Yoda, Anakin when he became good again.

1. What can Jar-Jar do? 3. Wesa has a grand army! 1. -headdesk-

3. You said Anakin is the biggest problem in the galaxy. Jar-Jar.

1. Mesa want you to shut up. 2. Yousa be wishing that for long time.

2. Do you notice the way her face changes for are you just oblivious? 1. Face changes? 2. Oblivious.

2. Literally the their biggest problem was thinking they’re better. Now she’s begging and he’s like yes be friends!

1. (Maul onscreen) You terrify me.

1. Thank you for speaking normally.

2. Oh my God he’s Charles Lee! I’m a General Wheee!

1. Its a future version of facetime. 2. Holotime. Holotime all the time. iphone eleven. More like iphone elevenhundred. 3. iphone 66 (has no idea what she just said) 2,3. -ded-

1. Oh thats, thats how you bring an army. I want one.

1. DIY build your own army.

3. Why is Jar-Jar anywhere near there?! 2. Why was Charles Lee in the army, questions we may never know.

(Stay in that cockpit) 1. Okay.

1. HOW TO MAKE AN ENTRANCE

1. What are you doing? 2. You spend the entire movie asking that. And you keep on going cos he never goes away.

2. 11 year old in the body of a 9 year old because he’s a slave and wasn’t fed well, flipping dog fighting going “this is tense!” 1. He’s a good pilot but I draw the line!

1. He dies tho 2. I dont wanna talk about it 3. Nobody wants to talk about it.

3. blatant CGI 1. Awful

2. Uh-oh big boomers lemme just open the door and ya know lemme run with them instead of run away from them 1. takes out half the army, gets commended...

3. -gleefuly destroys 2 over Qui-Gons death and that in the book, Obi-Wan hears Luke’s voice screaming with him over his own death-

2. Just imagine how grieved Qui-Gons force ghost is when he becomes who he becomes. I am destroyed.

(I’ll be watching your career with great interest) 1. And then great fear. 2. -via text- Or delight

3. AU where Qui-Gon doesn’t die and Anakin is kept under control 2. Doubtful 1. What makes him go out of control? 2,3. Ha.