blxck-cxffee13
Early Morning Coffee
7K posts
~+~because even fictional characters deserve morning sex and pancakes~+~ a place for my fanfic works: multi-fandom, multi-ship, multi-everything.hate will not be tolerated, as this is a place of love.
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blxck-cxffee13 · 11 months ago
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Combine your chinese zodiac and astrology sign to make your true fursona
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blxck-cxffee13 · 11 months ago
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blxck-cxffee13 · 11 months ago
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Remember if you’re out at a store and someone says “This is a robbery” you can say “no it’s not” and then the robber will leave because theyre a robber and this is no longer a robbery .
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blxck-cxffee13 · 11 months ago
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The haunting ancient Celtic carnyx being played for an audience. This is the sound Roman soldiers would have heard their Celtic enemies make.
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blxck-cxffee13 · 11 months ago
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babe wake up! new booktok nsfw censorship term just dropped
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blxck-cxffee13 · 11 months ago
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blxck-cxffee13 · 11 months ago
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Cant have fucking shit in Detroit
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blxck-cxffee13 · 11 months ago
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note to self: do NOT double the chocolate chip cookie recipe. the mixer can’t handle it. I can’t handle it. my knees hurt. I’ve been rotating cookie sheets since I was born and I will be rotating cookie sheets until I die
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blxck-cxffee13 · 11 months ago
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blxck-cxffee13 · 11 months ago
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blxck-cxffee13 · 11 months ago
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I am not the divine masculine or the divine feminine I am the divine comedy and you will address me as such
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blxck-cxffee13 · 11 months ago
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Today in niche genres of joke that I can never get enough of and will probably still be secretly thinking about four years later
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blxck-cxffee13 · 11 months ago
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Me: "I have created a system that allows me to take photos more efficiently, taking half the time as normal."
Boss: "That's impossible. You're given the full hour because that's the amount of time it takes everyone else. You need to slow down and take your time to ensure the quality of the photos."
Me: "Okay. I have taken the whole hour and because I have an efficient system I have yielded four times the number of photos expected."
Boss: "You need to slow down and take your time. They need to be good quality. I am sending you a trainee so you can show her how you do it. Show her how to do it right."
Me: -shows trainee my system, gets done in half the time-
Trainee: "Yeah, she's really fast. Just goes in there and goes 'ch ch ch ch ch.'"
Boss: "She puts it on continuous shot and just scans the room? That's how she does them so fast!? You're supposed to be focusing on quality."
Trainee: "No, she's doing single shot. She just knows the angles to get pictures of kids faces and does it really fast so she's not interrupting the class."
Boss: "It takes me the whole hour to do that! I hate doing candids because they're so hard."
Me: "It takes me less because I enjoy doing it, and I'm good at it, and I've developed a system to make sure its precise."
It takes less than a second to take a photo. I don't understand why I would need the whole hour.
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blxck-cxffee13 · 11 months ago
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"You got vampire lore wrong in your story because real vampires do this and that" Buddy I have terrible news about all of vampires. Heartbreaking news. Worst news you're gonna hear all day.
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blxck-cxffee13 · 11 months ago
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The best piece of advice I ever got was not meant as advice, but as an edict. If I was going to threaten people as a joke, it had to be so far out of proportion with what happened that it would be obvious I was joking. This changed how I expressed frustration with others. It then changed how I expressed frustration with myself.
Not “I’m going to hit you” but “I am going to buy a tuna sub from the gas station and hide it under the seat of your car”
Not “I’m going to kill myself” but “I am going to walk into the desert and let the scarabs take me”
The other side then happened. When I mess something up, instead of saying it’s bad and perpetuating negative thoughts, swing hard the other way.
Not “this art is terrible” but “this shall be framed and mounted on the wall in my museum exhibition as testament to the suffering I had to overcome”
Have been doing this since high school. It was my drama teacher who asked me to please stop scaring the actors. The other half of the edict was that I had to say it in a polite tone, and end it with either please or thank you.
Life changing. 10/10 Mr Muëller. Highly reccomend.
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blxck-cxffee13 · 11 months ago
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blxck-cxffee13 · 11 months ago
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watching ds9 and the contrast with TNG while still being the same type of show is gorgeous
TNG: we’re on the cutting edge! This is the federation flagship! we’re different but we get along! Space is dangerous but together we can pull through!!
DS9: why the FUCK doesnt this SHIT ASS station make hot water??? Is that a ferengi? I hate that asshole!! Goddamnit who’s coming through this wormhole NOW?? I’m gonna get us through this week’s fuck up but only because I refuse to let you fuckers outlive me
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