i am. rotating riz gukgak in mine brain. he is….small. he is….pointy. he is….fully and 100% willing to eat his enemies. he is….my good boy 💞
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Ur writing is soooo delicious 🤌 love it
Could u write a story about hero who is villain’s older brother and who is desperately trying to protect his little bro despite their completely different life attitudes . So villain is getting hurt and of course his older brother comes to his aid
Bonus points if there also is sidekick who doesn’t like villain but is still helping, cause he literally admires hero
I’d be really happy to read such story🩷
oooooh i loved this!! cant go wrong with some messed up family dynamics - thank you, hope you enjoy :)
(part 1) (part 2)
No one wants to see their brother hurt. Not even the hero, not even when his brother has so clearly already chosen his side.
It had happened so fast. The villain was facing off with someone. Another hero, at the distracted villain’s back. A kick, the slash of a blade. The two heroes had laughed and shared a friendly high-five when the villain had gone down.
Heroism hasn’t been what the hero had expected—it seems the hero is one of the only ones that doesn’t hunt villains down in the name of fun.
Waiting for the other heroes to leave had felt like an eternity. The villain—his brother—left suffering on the pavement whilst the pair look for food places on their phones. Eventually, though, finally, they make a decision and casually make their way to the end of the block.
The hero can’t leap up fast enough. His sidekick lags slightly behind, glancing nervously at the road around like it might eat him.
The hero sinks to his knees in front of the villain, earning half a second of attention before the villain scoffs irritably. “Oh my god,” he says flatly. “Go away.”
The hero fights a roll of bandages out of his bag. “I’m helping, you moron.”
“I don’t want you to.”
“Well I want to.”
Despite the attitude, the villain’s breathing is laboured, his face scrunched up slightly in pain. Blood is smeared on his clothes like the world’s ugliest, most heart wrenching painting.
“Ugh,” the villain says faintly. “You always had a thing for showing me up, didn’t you?”
“Saving your life isn’t me showing you up. I’m saving your goddamn life.”
“Don’t give yourself so much credit.”
The hero laughs, and the villain manages a a weak smile. The sidekick lingers awkwardly behind the hero, watching with wide eyes when the hero beckons him onto the ground next to him. “Hold that,” the hero says, holding the bundle of bandages to the sidekick, and he takes it without question so the hero can sever a strip from the roll.
The villain’s gaze flits up to him momentarily, like he’s just realising the sidekick’s there. He probably is, given the state he’s in. “Wow,” he says in the tones of brash sarcasm. “You brought your agency-sanctioned child with you and all.”
“I’m not a child!” the sidekick snaps, even though his voice has that traitorous childish squeak to it. “I’m a hero in training.”
“You go ahead and believe that, kid,” the villain says with a laugh that seems to pain him the moment it comes out.
The hero lays the bandage to the villain’s side, trying to ignore the way he winces at the contact. “Where’s your base?” the hero cuts in. If he didn’t, his brother would start an argument and then he’d never get a word in edgeways.
The villain rolls his eyes. “I don’t like you enough to tell you.”
“I’m trying to get you home, [Villain], I swear to god—”
“Give me one good reason to tell you.”
The hero thinks for a moment as he pulls the villain’s shirt back down and takes the roll back from the sidekick. “I’ll tell dad you ate his last cinnamon bun last year.”
The villain doesn’t look any less like shit, but he suddenly looks a little more alive. “You wouldn’t.”
“Where’s your base?”
“[Hero], that wasn’t me, I didn’t—”
“I saw you come in through the window and take it off the kitchen counter. Where is it?”
“You saw that?”
“[Villain].”
The villain groans in defeat. “You suck. It’s in that abandoned library at the other end of town.”
“Thank you. Right, [Sidekick], get his other side.”
The sidekick hesitates for a moment. “Is there a policy that we can drop villains off at home?”
“Of course not.” The hero fights off a slap as he helps the villain sit upright. “But if we don’t make sure people don’t die, who will?”
The ghost of a smile pulls at the sidekick’s lips. “That’s why I wanted to train with you. It’s just, I don’t know…”
He glances at the villain, who happily gives him a cold glare in return. “Only the best familial relations,” the villain says coolly.
“He’s my brother.” The hero ruffles the villain’s hair a little, earning a second, much harder slap. “We’re not on the same side, but at least he’s alive to be on the other side. I try to think of everyone we help as someone else’s brother.”
“I wish you were someone else’s brother,” the villain snaps, much to the hero’s amusement.
“Ah, that’s too bad for you then.” The hero gestures for the sidekick to take his spot, and together they heft the villain to his feet. “Because even when we’re on different sides of this war, you’re still my little brother.”
“Ew.” The villain makes an attempt to kick the hero and misses. “Don’t say that in front of your child.”
The hero laughs, and for a moment, it feels like they’re young again. Still at home. Still on the same side.
(next part)
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my favourite things kpop boys have said:
eric: a long time ago i dressed up as a princess but now i want to dress up as-
kevin: a prince?
eric: no, geodude from pokémon
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kevin: i don’t know what a het is
-
20 seconds of silence
jisung (skz): gay!
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kevin: van gogh was found wigless and shook in his grave, thank you for that narrative.
-
mark lee: i feel like the possibility of those possibilities being possible is just another possibility that can possibly happen
-
johnny: i was thinking we could also go for like frozen yogurt
mark completely changing the tone straight faced: oh i’m not a yogurt fan, i can’t eat yogurt
johnny: no it’s like ICEcream
mark: i know
johnny: ok nevermind
-
mark lee to a random person : excuse me do you know this song “party on the city where the heat is on all night in the beach where the beat is on, welcome to miami”
the person:
mark lee: i’m sorry ok
*later*
mark lee: hey do you guys know this song-
-
mark lee: wow this country music is making this texas feel more like texas, even more like texas
-
mark lee: my fingers aren’t mine
-
jaemin: then i’m jin ramyum
dream: oiiiiii
renjun: i feel like dying
dream:
renjun: what’s wrong?
-
mark lee to a squirrel: check this out hey buddy aw come on man waaeyay
-
mark: woah it’s actually different from santa monica beach because i always thought that all beaches were the same and it actually isn’t
johnny: that’s horrible how you think that
mark: i mean like in a way you know it’s just like water and a shore and then sand but now it’s different
-
renjun: in the case that this works out for me, i am going to go to the moon. i don’t want to live on this earth.
-
ten: *does a cute thing then looks at renjun* why are you looking at your hyung like that?
renjun: i’m scared
-
doni: can you do something like jeno did?
renjun: i don’t really understand korean that well
doni: suddenly? chenle, is there anything you can do?
chenle: i don’t understand...
*renjun and chenle high five*
-
renjun: i have an animal that i’m afraid of and i don’t have plans on revealing what it is
johnny: why? what animal is it
jeno: tell us!
renjun: it’s humans
-
renjun on weekly idol: i’m confident in korean
renjun anytime he doesn’t want to answer something: i’m not good at korean
renjun fluent in korean: korean is hard for me! :)
mr fluent in korean speaking in korean: i can’t speak korean though?
renjun to dream who know he’s fluent: i’m bad a korean you know
-
mark: we gathered up together in the early morning it’s nice
renjun: as we’ve been together since early in the morning, i’m tired of being together now
-
renjun: emergency exits remind me of nctzens
jeno: *spitting out his water*
-
renjun: today though such a fun program like idol room, i learned that the world is a cold and unfair place
-
mark: there’s so much generation difference between us
renjun pushing mark away: let’s keep our distance then
-
renjun: i wonder what it’ll be like when i become an adult, im worried i feel like i’ll have to be more responsible, but seeing mark.. there isn’t much to it, i mean he can drink now but that’s about it
-
yukhei: you see i’m born in the 80s so i don’t know about slang
renjun pointing to kun: what about that guy over there?
kun: *ready to murder*
-
sicheng: the scene where i appear-
renjun: YOU IMMEDIATELY DISAPPEAR
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renjun to jeno: because you are even less fun than usual i am giving you this award
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renjun: we’re so boring so fans must be pressing all the hearts out of boredom
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renjun: so if i don’t win i have to pair up with the mc?
mc: yes
renjun: i should pull myself together then
-
mc: why are you so good at korean?
renjun: i’m not good at korean
doni: *grabs renjun because he’s a lying brat*
renjun: *happily showing the camera he is being attacked* why aren’t you fixing my clothes?
doni: *fixing renjuns shirt because he’s a king and it’s what he deserves*
-
renjun after losing every game: this is like we’re in a movie maybe there will be a big plot twist at the end
doni: there won’t
renjun: as expected from a biased pair of people
-
renjun and chenle talking
jisung: what are you guys saying?
renjun: if you want to know learn the language
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mark: do we get a prize?
mc: we have an expensive gift prepared
renjun: now it’s worth doing!
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chenle: wow my chinese is so good
renjun: nice! did you forget you’re chinese?
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i cant remember who said this probably renjun: i think nct dream, you can say we are kind of a fun team, but when i look at the hyung team i feel frustrated, please gain strength hyungs
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mark: ive been wearing the shoes renjun made, they’re very comfortable
renjun: i didnt make them comfortable i just drew on them
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renjun: a spoiler? what if i get fired from the company?
donghyuck: get fired? us? get fired? lmao
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kevin: jacob i’ve been waiting forever for this moment
jacob: waiting for what? waiting for me?
kevin: honey i see you everyday
-
jacob: the scent of autumn, the scent of leaves
kevin: we’re indoors but okay
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kevin: kid, mama’s gotta dance
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renjun: *speaks in chinese*
jeno: wow you are so good at chinese, did u study it a lot?
renjun: yes
-
ten: oh this is not icecream this is butter
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johnny: there’s this thing too where girls call guys as “oh daddy” but not like a real dad
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tens birthday note to johnny: i wanna have xxxx with you fatass! love you forever darling
mark: i don’t think we should read that
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donghyuck: a six-pack is too heavy for me, so now i only walk around with a one-pack. i leave the other five behind.
-
nct: goodnight
mark: don’t let the bed bugs bite
ten: open your eyes
nct: NO CLOSE YOUR EYES! CLOSE YOUR EYES!
-
johnny: my dad knew i likes beans so like he was playing with beans, and he dropped it and then he dropped it on a rock and it slid and then hot water started falling, and then coffee
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host: wow your english is really good
johnny: i’m from chicago
-
johnny: i chose fried mackerel, mackarol, mackarel, the fish, mackerol, mackerel, mackarel *cute shrug*
-
jungwoo: trip to space
johnny: you wanna go home?
mark: that’s where he came from
jungwoo: my friends are there
mark: that’s his home town
-
jacob: i cant compare to him so-
kevin: it’s okay jacob everyone’s an artist in their own way
-
kevin: fun fact i used to do gymnastics
jacob: SAME
kevin: oh really!!
jacob: and then i quit :)
-
chenle: talking to reporters-
jisung: harry potter
jisung in excitement: ha-REPORTER
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kevin in distress: jacob you have no beyoncé in your library, what is this? WHAT IS THIS!?
jacob: no i respect her i love her music
kevin making a scissor motion with his hands: you know what this is? scissors. to cut our friendship.
jacob: why are you exposing me like that
kevin: i’m just kidding, if beyoncé can forgive jayz i can forgive you jacob”
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kevin: jacob came back from canada with a suitcase full of cereal
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donghyuck: oh canada, this is korea man don’t forget okay.
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mark lee: wait chips means fries right?
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kevin: sam if you’re out there i’m still waiting for you to *cough* TEXT ME BACK
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jacob: and jeff i love you
tbz: awww
kevin: mY nAmE jEfF
-
chenle pointing at a roller coaster: do you wanna ride?
jisung: hell no i’ll die
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chenle: jisung which sunglasses are better these or the other ones
jisung: both are mediocre
-
doyoung: that’s a difficult question because i don’t read
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fan: comments something about renjun stealing their heart
renjun: i don’t know how to react to these types of comments... why are you all like this? everyone let’s self reflect...
-
renjun: pretend we’re close in front of the camera
donghyuck: we’re supposed to be close friends right? this is going to be hard 
-
ten: xiaojun stop being dramatic challenge
-
taemin from shinee: *singing replay by shinee*
yukhei: that’s not it
yukhei *showing taemin from shinee how to sing a shinee song*
mark: *dying in the background*
-
bambam talking about got7’s first album: you know the time we thought we was so cool, we was so good, but then we look back and it’s like what the hell
-
jae: would you rather wake up in someone’s body or wake up without being able to communicate?
brian: i’d rather not communicate
jae: then you can’t sing
brian: i’m fine with that, my parents gifted me this body
day6: ??? the fuck ???
sungjin: what if you wake up in JYPs body one day?
day6:
day6: what about it. i love it. that’s would be lovely
jae: we love you boss 👍
-
jae: what would you forget?
dowoon: i ate some ants as a kid
wonpil: i ate pill bugs
sungjin: i ate soap
wonpil: everyone’s eaten soap, what about crayons?
jae: crayons???
wonpil: they looked delicious when i was a kid
brian: i’ve eaten them
sungjin: they must’ve tasted good
-
dowoon: *stuffing marshmallows in his mouth*
brian: no you can do more STOP CHEWING PUT IT IN
dowoon muffled: i think i’m going to die
brian: you think you’re going to die??
brian smiling: sorry he might die , he might choke to death
jae: *reaching over to stuff more marshmallows in dowoons mouth*
-
brian gets a dare to sing everything he says: dare or dare~
dowoon: oooowwooo~
brian: this is my dare don’t take it from me~
-
q: can you name my bird
renjun: ...if i say to name it “bird” will u want to hit me
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Let’s Get (Back) Together | l.h. (15)
Ctto of the gifs used!!
AU: Parent Trap Dad!Luke
Summary: A strong love which led to a strong marriage and twin daughters. Yet in the end, it didn’t turn out so well. You strongly refuse to encounter him ever again. But what happens when both of you coincidentally send your twin daughters to the same summer camp in Florida after 10 years?
Word Count: 11k
Warnings: angst, swearing, sweet sweet revenge, verbal and almost physical fighting, mental breakdowns, s e x u a l tension
A/N: Gahhh it’s around 1:40 am here! I enjoyed writing this chapter like wooo! I hope you guys won’t find it too cheesy or underwhelming! First, I wanna thank my parents for giving me the medical terms mentioned here, though I still struggle with capturing some concepts of it haha! And by the way, I found out the Parent Trap film just celebrated its 20th year anniversary since its release a few months ago. Pretty coincidental to say the least! Anyways, enjoy!
I don’t own Parent Trap and its ideas. It’s only used as inspiration.
1 / 2A / 2B / 2C / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 13 / 14 / 15
Feedback/Questions/Others? Here.
-
2022, Los Angeles
These past weeks, you’ve created a new daily routine. Or rather, your body did.
Wake up suddenly. Race to the bathroom. Vomit your guts out. Go back to sleep. Wake up to get ready for work. Prepare breakfast. Race back to the bathroom. Vomit again. Fully lose your appetite. Take a shower. Get dressed. Drive to the studios or film settings.
It pretty much varies, but this was a close one to each passing day. You ached the rush of your guts boiling up to your throat because it was physically draining and hindering you from current filming projects. Also to your disdain, Luke was on a mini tour at the moment, so you were on your own for this, though it was bound to end soon so a speedy recovery must be in order. But he knew what you were going through due to your nightly (or morning) video calls you do almost every day whenever both of you can.
“Are you sure you’re really okay, (Y/N)? I can ask Eleanor to come over and help.”
“No need! I’m fine, Luke. Just need more rest, that’s all.”
Even though the directors of latter were lenient and kind enough to give you some rest days since they knew how much of a busy woman you’ve become, you still felt bad because it looked as if you haven’t taken care of yourself too well with your condition.
Was it something you ate? Did you exert too much effort to the point your body couldn’t handle it? Are you overworking on these projects? Seriously, did you or Luke cook something that actually expired?
Actually before the nausea, fatigue has hit you faster before you begin working on-set. Thus, sitting out became a norm that quick. Going home after is just exhausting, and crashing on the bed is a lot easier than usual. Not really a bad thing, but you still had to work on your lines and respond to emails. Alongside that, you’ve suddenly gained weight despite the nausea. Your jeans don’t fit like they used to and mostly, you prefer wearing crop tops and sweaters instead of anything tight.
The last straw was today, when you no longer tolerated that insane wave of nausea that hit almost every thirty minutes in the late morning which clashed with the fatigue. Only now were you growing concerned on your health since you figured it firstly to be a stomach virus, but it could possibly more than that. Hence, you needed to get a clear idea of what is happening to you. So today, you excused yourself again to the director of one of the filming shootings for the day due to health reasons, and urgently went to the hospital. Fortunately, he freely allowed you to do so because you had one of the lead roles, and really wanted make sure that everyone was healthy.
By chance, no paparazzi was present in the area, which made it easier to check inside. Seeking guidance from any expert in the lobby as soon as you walked in, a young looking woman in her green scrubs raced to your aid, probably an intern in her twenties who was starstruck by your appearance by the way she beamed when she greeted you.
“Omg hi, Miss (Y/L/N)! How may I help you?”
Although flattered, you bluntly gave her the synopsis of your physical well-being. “Well, something’s odd with my health, like I’ve been easily tired these past weeks, and vomiting hardcore too which makes me lose a lot of sleep. Today took a toll me while at work, so I just want a clear idea of what’s happening because I’m pretty nervous and hoping it’s not serious that it could affect my work ethic.”
Upon talking, she was taking down of everything and it didn’t take too long for her to think of a procedure or solution to assist you. “Oh no! It’s a good thing you’ve come today. I suggest you take a blood test, which you can get the results of next week if that would be okay. Though for nausea, avoid oily foods and eat something bland like pretzels.”
As impatient as you were feeling now due to the tension of what’s happening within you, you trusted her opinion and pushed through with it. “Alright, I’ll keep that in mind.”
“Good! Now, may I lead you to the institute of pathology? That’s where the laboratory is for blood extraction.”
“Surely, lead the way.”
-
“And we’re done!” The phlebotomist, or someone who extracts blood from you aka. the patient for testing, exclaims as she ejected the needle from your forearm and untied the tourniquet right above. Internally, you celebrated for facing your long fear of needles for the sake of your health.
“Thanks so much, love. I hope it’s nothing serious.”
“I doubt that it is. You’re practically glowing and fit since you’ve acted and done your own stunts in your films too. Also c’mon, your body is goals!”
Gushing, “Aww, thanks again.” You attempted to stand up from the seat, but it only made you dizzy so you sat back down. You weren’t even in a rush, self. Chill. “Wow, I’m getting dizzy and tired so fast nowadays honestly. This sucks.”
“What else have you been feeling then? – By the way, I’m Claire.” She introduced whilst asking, tucking away your blood sample in a cabinet.
“Nice to meet you, Claire. Hmm well,” You leaned back in the chair to suit your comfort. “I get the most absurd food cravings at weird times yet there is non-stop vomiting late in the morning especially. I gained weight too, where I can’t fit some of my jeans and shorts and wearing tight tops and bras are suffocating. Also whenever I try to go to gym, the fatigue kicks in. Actually, the fatigue is always there, but they get worse like the vomiting.”
“Oh, I see.” Claire, who just sat across from you, listened and put her mind into use of what may have caused this, although the answer was so predictable to her and still wanted to inquire. “Have you been … sexually active recently? I mean, you are married and all to Luke Hemmings!”
You gushed again since you weren’t much to talk about your sex life with him, covering your burning cheeks. But if it’s meant to help you, then by all means go. “Last time we’ve gone at it was around 2-3 months ago, right before he went on a mini tour in the country.”
“Interesting. - When was the last time you’ve got your period?”
Frankly, you weren’t much to check on your menstruation patterns nowadays since you’re too time consumed with your career. Besides, if it’s arrives, you have pads prepared back at home. “I don’t remember. I’ve been so distracted to keep track. Why is that so important?”
“Oh my god, is it that hard to unravel? – Morning sickness, weight gain, weird cravings, over fatigue, late period?” She asked back, cracking an enthusiastic smile. But you shook your head, still not understanding where she’s getting at.
“Though I’m glad you took this blood test to be sure, my motherly instincts are telling me that you, Mrs. (Y/N) Hemmings, are pregnant.”
-
A week later, and she was right.
You received from the mail the results, which confirmed your suspicions. Since that extraction, you couldn’t stop thinking about it despite everything making much more sense now. All the symptoms were exactly what Eleanor felt when she was still pregnant with Nick, how naïve of you to have not realized sooner!
The need to tell Luke in person as soon as possible is making you impatient, and you were in utter luck that he was coming home tonight already after months.
You were still in contact with Claire, who was ecstatic for you when you told her and hastily recommended you to the best OB-GYN doctor in the hospital named Dr. Katherine Han. Booking an appointment today was challenging at first, but luckily, you got it. Waiting outside her clinic, her secretary kindly invited you in. “Dr. Han is ready to see you, Mrs. Hemmings.”
Dr. Han, or Kate as she fully claimed, scanned through your results happily, recommended the necessary vitamins and insisted you afterwards to make an ultrasound to inspect on your unborn child. “This is pretty exciting, must I say?”
Unquestionably, yes. Maybe, at first, you freaked out because that would mean a lot of adjustments. You and Luke have talked about before about wanting kids later in your marriage, when you’ve toned down from your busy lifestyles. But now, who cares? Your mindset changed drastically, and the idea of carrying a little life inside you was mind-blowing. It was actually happening.
With that idea having you feel thrilled for the next months to come. But the moment you lied down on the examination bed and put up your blouse, there was already a bump, which is unlikely since it’s early in the pregnancy. Regardless, you then felt the wand move below your abdomen with the cold gel, you were breathless of what your eyes witnessed on the screen.
“You see that flickering light? That’s the heartbeat. Let me raise the volume of it.”
Doing as she said, the thumping increased and you felt goosebumps grow in your entire body. There was the little bean in its glory, your little bean.
“Oh wait a minute.” She paused briefly, raising the wand higher to show another flickering light and an echo of sounds. “Looks like you have two healthy heartbeats. – Congrats, Mrs. Hemmings. You’re expecting twins. Would you like a copy of the sonogram?”
Just as you though things couldn’t get any better, you’ll get two little bundles of you. Okay, maybe one mini-you and one mini-Luke. Though if they are both mini-Luke’s, it’s alright too. It’ll be a quite a mess since Luke is practically a man-child. But, who cares?
“Mrs. Hemmings?” Too absorbed in your thoughts, you haven’t answered the doctor’s question.
“Yes please.”
-
As great and fantastic these news were, you were bound to surprise Luke this when he gets home. It’s been quite a while. Also, you really wanted him to be the first to know before telling anyone else. Since your careers are already over the top, you planned to just keep it simple. Besides, the both of you weren’t much into giving lavish luxury items, well except on special occasions.
But on a normal basis? Nah, you’d like to save some money for the future. Most likely for education. It’s always nice to think ahead.
There were balloons on the walls and some tied down the legs of the side tables, where you were sat by the couch with a small bag of goodies were inside with a mutual meaning. Time is ticking on your watch, and Luke could be home any minute now. He’ll be exhausted since he’ll be coming back from New York. You’ve missed him so much, where neither video not phone calls were not as sufficient as physical contact. Especially the rated R ones!
Well, before you got “sick”.
Your calm body was sprawled on the couch, trying new positions that’ll suit best for your little beans and scrolling up and down possible room decorations to purchase. Oh yes, baby fever is real with you, starting with the nickname of little beans. While at your enjoyable daze, you can hear the fumbling of the door knob from the outside, unlocking it. Struggling to roll down his huge luggages and his dufflebag as his hand carry, he dropped them immediately.
“I’m home!”
For him, all he knew was that his home is wherever you are.
There he was in his glory. His hair was a lot messier as compared to usual, his facial expressions of tiredness from the long trip but still gave a loud greeting that could get a noise complaint from the neighbors.
Again.
“Luke!” You shot up from your seat, catching his attention. Upon hearing, he knew in a snap you were in the living room. He hoped you cooked dinner or something because as much as he did like eating everywhere from hotel rooms and famous restaurants, nothing beats yours. But then again, you’ve been sick so probably not. As long as he gets to see you, he’ll be happy.
Advancing there, he lightened up at the sight of you, as if you were glowing like the sickness never bothered at all. The blue dress you had on with your beaming smile had him fall over heels all over again. Absolutely smitten. Alongside that, another thing that caught his eyes were the few balloons that bordered where you stood. Coming home from tour or a trip has never been new to since your jobs require to, yet little additions like them was blissful. He couldn’t waste anymore time, running to you and lifting you up in a tight hug by the waist.
Gasping at such suddenness, you enveloped your arms around his neck whilst internally praying he doesn’t crush the little beans, even by a bit. He then puts you down not so long after, giving you a lingering kiss on yours. He could care less if he would get sick. Tour is over anyways, and he has a break before going back to business.
God, feeling them just never gets old nor unsatisfying, like they were custom made just for you. “I’ve missed you so much.”
“I missed you too, love. These past months felt way too long.” Dragging the “too”, his interest returned on the balloons. As a symbol of celebration and surprises, something is up. Maybe he was just overreacting, considering this homecoming was a celebration in itself.
As he felt your arms linger away his neck, you brought out the small bag of goodies from the floor, preparing yourself for the reveal. “I came across some items you might like when I was the way home.���
He grew skeptical, but he went along with it. Taking a seat right beside you, he rummaged through them and brought it all out, laying them on the coffee table right in front.
“Hmm,” He begins his close observation. “An orange-flavored Caprisun, animal crackers and Starburst. Well, maybe for you, they were some of your favorite childhood snacks. I only liked the Starburst. – I’m still pretty lost with this.”
Not bad, he got a keyword: childhood.
This next step is the climax, which involved a sealed envelope from your jacket right beside you. It was quite nervewracking at first, but you came this far and nonetheless of his reaction, it wouldn’t affect how you feel towards the beans. “Here. Maybe this can make much more sense.”
He was so confused, but you didn’t blame him. “You’re scaring me, love.”
“Just open it.” You laughed, anticipating for too long and wanting already to see his reaction. Unsealing it felt like a lifetime, also ripping it a bit in the middle. There he saw two folded pieces of paper and took them out. The first was a short note, which he read aloud.
“Hello there! So as of now, we can’t eat and drink those treats so you can have them! Maybe give us around 6-7 months and we’ll steal them from you! We can’t wait to meet you, dad! Love, Little Bean 1 and Little Bean 2.”
Dad.
It took him seconds to sink in the premise of the surprise. Unfolding the last paper, it was the ultrasound from early afternoon, his mouth hanging down from the surprise and racing happiness that he was gaining. There was still a short sentence written on the back side.
“Turns out it wasn’t the flu or a virus. It’s just us adjusting, sorry for hurting mom though.”
From his contagiously, cute smile, he was the exact opposite of what you were overthinking previously. He was at a loss of words as he repeatedly looked back in forth at the goodies and the letters before facing you, having a matching smile and blushing. To add, he got up on his feet to really sink the information further because he was too happy.
“I’m pregnant, Luke.” You blurted, no more holding back.
Luke swore he was breathless for a moment, before lifting you up again and back into his arms you were. “Oh my God, wow. Fuck. – This is the best thing I’ve heard all day!” You were laughing too hard from his reaction, and as he put you down, he was literally filled with so much adoration for you.
“It’s actually happening! Like you’re going to be a mom, I’m going to be a dad, we’ll be parents! And twins?!”
“It’s going to be double trouble but double fun, right?” You reassured, only leading him to pull you closer for a kiss on your forehead.
“Fuck yeah. I hope they have your nose though.” He booped your nose, knowing that it annoys you often. But you let it pass.
“I hope they have your blue eyes, they are gorgeous.” You complimented, grazing a finger on his scruffy face. You were equally appreciating every facial feature of each other, giving more “I hope’s” back and forth and then confidently, you tiptoed to place your lips against him, sharing a much more passionate kiss that can are as equal to the kisses from your consummation.
He was the first to pull back, desiring to place his available hand on your lower abdomen with a grin so pure it can spread world peace. “There’s a little us there, and I’ll make sure to take care of the three of you.” Your hormones were about to get the best of you, but you didn’t let it control you for now.
“God, can we just stay in this moment forever? It’s too amazing.” He pleaded, looking directly in your eyes.
“I really do as well, but if it helps,” You pointed your finger at the fireplace, where a tiny camera was situated. “I recorded the whole thing for us to look past on.”
He couldn’t get any more blessed and grateful for you, scattering your entire face with pecks. “Fuck, I love you so much. I can never picture anyone else having my children except you.”
Your heart was fleeting crazily, but his cursing was all over the place which is now considered unacceptable in this household. “I love you so much too, Luke. – But one, stop swearing around me, or at least minimize it. They can hear you, you know?” He frowned in guilt, but when you laughed out the seriousness, you declared once more.
“Second, you’re the only person I would ever want to have a domestic life with.”
-
2034, Sydney
It was 4 am, and most of the adults were passed out drunk in their separate bedrooms in the second floor. The house they were lodging currently had 4 stories with a basement. In the third floor, there were designated rooms for the young boys and girls. Stella and Rebecca currently shared a bed and a room with Scarlett and Beatrix. Yet, it was Rebecca to get up first due to the soft alarm she set on her phone. Good thing no one else heard it or else Scarlett would be complaining so much about how precious sleep is.
Shaking her sister gently to wake up, it didn’t take too long before she groggily did, having some of her blonde strands covering her visage and lips. When she blew them off, her eyes crinkled open more from the flashlight Rebecca switched on since Stella was arrogant to move at first. But because now she couldn’t fall back into sleep, she urged her body to get upright and focus on her awoken twin.
“God, this bed was too comfortable like you said.” She stretched her arms, unwrapping her tiny body from the duvet and put on her slippers.
“I told you so! Anyways, we need to grab some things at the kitchen and pantry first.” Rebecca tells, adjusting her sweater and jumps out the bed with her phone. Slowly sneaking out the door without disturbing anyone else, the twins tiptoed their way to the stairs and hurried to the pantry where a huge chunk of their needed materials lied.
Rebecca switched on the light, a mischievous smirk forming in her face as she stepped on the mini ladder so she could reach items that were up in the shelves. Stella watched her, making sure she doesn’t trip or anything, but she also took some items on the lower shelves they knew they would need. When they finished, they gathered their things and laid them down on the kitchen island, arranging and checking them orderly.
“Hair dye?” Stella asked.
“Got it. Honey?” Rebecca picks the item up for showing.
“Check. Balloons?”
“Done.”
As they completed in reviewing their materials, “You ready for this, brat?”
“Fuck yeah. Sierra deserves only the worse.”
“Truly. So Camp War 2.0? Let’s get to work.”
-
Phase 1.
Luke dazedly woke up to do his morning run around 6 in the morning in hopes to watch the sunset by the cliff that he loves to do alone. He was blessed to not have gotten wasted like Ashton. Tying the shoelaces of his shoes and inserting his airbuds, he was on his way out the house. Sierra was in a peaceful slumber for quite some time – That was until the first alarm from her phone hit piercingly. Groaning, one eyelid was open to stop it. She didn’t recall putting any alarms before getting to bed, but nonetheless, she wanted to claim back her beauty sleep.
But the second alarm then came around not even 10 minutes later, and there she was annoyed. Muttering profanities under her breath, she turned it off and tossed back to her initial sleeping position. Unfortunately, the deafening sound of the alarm messed with her mind, which made her lose the drowsiness. No longer forcing it, she rose from her side of the bed with bad bed head. Disoriented by her “dysfunctional” phone, the first thing she was looking for was her glasses, which is usually by her bed side so she can properly operate. However, it wasn’t there as she rummaged it. Odd again, but she ignored it again since just a few hours, she was drunk off her butt and probably left it someplace else.
With blurry vision, she stumbled her way to the bathroom, discarding her pajamas to take a warm shower. Here, another scheme is set. Putting on shampoo is a normal thing when cleaning yourself, only that when Sierra applies it on her hair, it gradually left her a raging red shade.
It didn’t process to her what was happening until she saw the shower floor filled with red water. At first, she figured that she got her period, but she just got it 2 weeks ago and it’s long ended. Pulling the handle open of the shower, she went nearer to the mirror to see what has took place.
“Fucking shit!” How did this happen? Did she take the wrong shampoo? The smell was right though. Maybe there was a chemical malfunction, and she has to get this fixed as soon she can because God knows how much more damage it can bring. Also, email the company about this.
Rinsing it off with a towel, she changed into cleaner clothes and pretty set for the day, knowing she has a few things on her agenda already. She likes to be productive after all. But first, breakfast. She just needed her phone to do some contacting. When she got ahold of it on her bedside, she received a message.
[6:40 AM] Future Husband: just went out for a run! but i have a surprise for you downstairs in the basement, come check it out x
She loved surprises, where she gets to be spoiled rotten by absolutely anything she wants. And since recently he’s been so distant due to the whole surprise family reunion, she assumed that he felt bad and is making up for it.
[6:50 AM] Sierraaaaa: just showered babe, i’m gonna check it out! love you, hubba!
Meanwhile from the work room, where security cameras were placed in the major rooms like the basement, living room, the small lobby, and patio, Rebecca and Stella were imitating vomiting sounds due to the pet names Sierra gave. “So this is dating works, huh? Just bleh!”
“I suppose so. Good thing I’m too young for that! - Shit, she’s by the staircase already!”
They watched carefully her movements, hoping she doesn’t take any unnecessary detours and giggling at the new hair color on the side. When Sierra reaches the end of the corridor of the first floor, which leads to a another staircase going to the basement, the girls were on the edge of their seats, giddy. There were two open tabs on the desktop computer they were using, one showing Sierra and the other on the basement. The latter was a total and messy obstacle, which was about to be unleashed in less than a minute.
“Fuck, let’s get the actual party started!” Stella exclaimed.
Phase 2.
“Hope you like it, babe. Love, Luke.” Sierra reads the sign on the door, pumped up what lies behind the wooden door. With the suspense it expressed, Sierra couldn’t wait any longer and unlocked the door in front of her.
It was quite dark since the curtains were spread open at the large open doors on her left, so through her eyes, she searched for any light buttons to switch on. Luckily, there was one on her left, but it was pretty far from where she stood, so she moved her body to do so minimally. However, as she did, she actually overpassed a light string that was connected to the light switches. Instead, she slipped on the floor instantly and caught the tacky view of the basement.
First feature: A mixture of honey and maple syrup spread throughout the floor like peanut butter on bread.
She slid so fast throughout the entire interior of the room like an indoor slip-and-slide, hitting the corners and sides of the walls with almost every part of her body. Her mind was spinning, and every time she tried to get back on her feet, the syrup would always make her tumble repeatedly. Unfortunately enough, she had no protective gear on her figure to keep her safe from the friction and bumping the hardness, most especially her head. Yet there was another detail that got her much more drenched.
Second feature: There were numerous balloons surrounded in the entire room that were either filled with air or water.
Whilst sliding, different balloons were popping around her as she hit different spots of the room. When did, she’d pop a few balloons in the process that would either trigger her sensitive ears or wet any parts of her body. This went on many times because she really tried her best to stand up and evacuate this mess. Here, her body was reconnecting also with the discomforting syrup then faced one last detail.
Third Feature: One of the light switches from a while ago was connected to the electric fan above her, which would rain the room with feathers.
Various sizes of feathers would glue to her soaking clothing. She sneezed at every encounter she got with them, meaning that she was continuously sneezing during the entire experience. No part of her body was spared, resulting to looking like a hairy chicken, especially with the red hair!
“Bok bok, bitch.” Rebecca referenced Rachel Cho, satisfied by the ugliness of the maze which got Sierra the deserved treatment. But that so-called maze wasn’t the end just yet.
Phase 3, aka. the total knockout.
Drenched and still slipping numerously, her rage and annoyance levels skyrocketed into inflation. Thus, it resulted into passionate and thunderous screams, almost like someone was being murdered. She wanted to get out of this horrendous room, and back to the bathroom to rinse off. But on top of that, she wanted to fight whoever was in charge of this, and she knew exactly who they were. Who else?
“Absolute brats!”
Since it was impossible to go back to the main door unless she wanted to slip and fall again, she resolved into opening the big, wide doors facing the beach. Carefully taking her time making steps, she pushed them out, relieved that her stay at that maze was over.
Or was it?
Right above where she was drenching and groaning from discomfort, another line of string hung by her eyes with a tiny note with another message. “You think it was over? – P.S. flip over this note.”
She pulled it out strongly, unfolding it effortlessly because she wanted to know more about the minds of the sinister sisters. Little did she know that a bucket of chocolate syrup was stationed right above her, where a friendly creature was swimming in it, or possibly drowning.
“You mess with our parents, you mess with us. Also, look up. – R & S”
Right on cue, she tilted her head upwards and low and behold, the sticky substance splattered all over her entire body, coating the water and honey from earlier. It was almost Carrie 2.0, except there was no huge audience except the twins, who were busy rejoicing for their success. It came upon them of how smart they work together than against each other like in camp, gladly knowing that they have a valid reason to act so. Besides, they are young and bright, they have to hone their growing potentials.
Sierra remained still and quiet, trying to regain her composure because she will not let the brats win over. It took her years to get to where she is, and she will strike back because losing to them is basically like losing to you. However, that idea was scratched off as soon she felt something crawl above her dyed hair. She was disturbed at the foreign sensation, reaching over it to get a touch of what it is. When she did, it continued to brisk off and by the rough skin and long tail, it was a lizard. And she screamed bloody murder when the lizard slid down to her face, even went to her mouth! Spitting it out along other saliva that was contaminated, she attained her breaking point, finally fed up and throwing numerous tantrums like the spoiled woman she is.
“Wait, where again did you find the creepy crawly, Stella?” Rebecca asks, watching Sierra and enjoying herself at her rage.
“When I was placing the bucket by the ledge of the patio. He was crawling everywhere, but I figured he’d be important.”
Just in time with her screams, Luke just arrived back at the house from his morning jog. Removing his airbuds, he could easily determine the voice and raced to where it was occurring. But when he got to the living room so he could get to the patio and see the commotion, he was beaten to it when a soaked Sierra stormed inside with a frustrated look on her face. She pushed away any object within her vicinity and kicked some chairs too, beyond pissed. It wasn’t too long when the other boys and their families were disrupted from their rest and came running down the stairs, seeking answers towards the unexpected fuss. Just like Luke, they thought that she looked like an absolute, hot mess, psyched and intrigued by who could’ve pulled off such an accident.
“Wha-What the fuck happened, babe?” It was all he can come up with at the spur of the moment, his focus more on her newly dyed hair that just didn’t suit her with the chocolate syrup dripping on the wooden floor.
All this pent frustration and the newly added one began to overtake her mind and mouth. She was officially done. When she took a few steps closer to him, “Here's what's going on, buddy, your twins happened! The day we say “I do" is the day I ship those brats off to Switzerland or maybe give them fully to (Y/N). Get the picture? It's me or them. Take your pick.”
Right after she spits her fire, muffled voices blasted from the speakers in that room. Those speakers can be activated a few ways, commonly through Bluetooth or the aux cord from the work room. Rapidly, the device boosted in volume, giving a clearer hearing of what was being voiced out.
It was none other than last night’s convo between Sierra and Arzaylea.
The two and everyone else paused themselves momentarily to take a listen, and in the end were they stopped dead on their tracks by the intensity and ruthlessness of the situation. Though humiliation additionally crashed on Sierra because she was the main involving party.
Oh, poor Luke. The big secret behind his psychotic fiancée was uncovered and served like a slap on the face. Somehow, everything these past years made much more sense. That honestly pep talk she gave yesterday was pure bull. Everything about her was an ongoing façade.
Once the audio reached its end, the twins publicly made their entrance from the work room, giving off their petty and naughty smirks to their main target. So far, so very good.
“Woah, good morning everyone.” Rebecca greeted innocently.
“What’s for breakfast?” Stella continued on casually.
But Luke wasn’t having it, too frazzled by the situation within the room and couldn’t even look at Sierra when she tried to capture his attention numerously during that audio play. “Alright girls, quit playing. What is going on?”
No more sweet talk, just get down to the business.
“Wasn’t the audio enough, dad? Aunt Sierra over here is a lie.” Stella claimed strongly, pointing at the messy woman.
“Dad, please don’t be associated with her anymore. She’s been manipulative before we were even born!” Rebecca defended further, which finally gave Sierra the balls to speak up for herself.
“That audio you gave could’ve been self-made! What other allegations can you give?” She tested, trying to redefine her name. Aish, wrong move. Rebecca was actually bundling up pieces of paper in her arms, and once she opened them up, “Do screenshots of conversations between you, TMZ, Perez Hilton, US weekly and many more tabloid platforms count? Also saw money and private information were involved too.”
“By the way, aunt Sierra, be careful for your surroundings before running your mouth and opening your devices. This house isn’t as big as you think it is.”
First passing it to Luke for his viewing before giving them to Michael, and just by the tired look he had post-work out he begun with, he grew mentally disheartened by the accuracy of his twins’ accusations about his fiancée. Though mischievous, they weren’t wrong at all.
“Ooh, got an extra audio file that can count as evidence if you don’t mind.” Stella added, excusing herself to return to the work room and play the file of Sierra’ conversation at the Forum. The strong persona of Sierra turned weak again when the papers were handed to different people and that extra audio blasted. Her exposure was forceful, and she had nothing else to say or do to deny them especially since the twins were stating facts.
Luke just listened to Sierra’s hurtful words, in disbelief that she was capable to do this all behind his back for the past decade. He was frozen at his standing position, wanting this to all be from the crazy part of his imagination. But once he was fixated with Sierra’s when he almost spaced out, he looked away quickly at disappointment. Sierra saw that short glimpse, still immersed on his facial features that drooped down. “L-Luke, please let me ex-”
Luke cut her off, putting his hand near her face so she would stop blabbering. “So this whole time, you wrecked our marriage?”
“Wait, ple-”
Luke kept going with his questioning. “You’ve planned this whole thing out vividly so that you and I would be the endgame?”
“Luke, st-”
“This meant having to ruin the lives of (Y/N), Becks and Stella?!”
Silenced and interrupted repetitively, Sierra couldn’t contain the concoction of the variety of emotions boiling up in her system. All these years she’s bottled them up has made her insane, insane to do absolutely anything for this particular man that has once helped her genuinely in the past. But in the end, she doomed herself to unsuccessfulness and obsession. All eyes were on her now, and she really is trying to compose and defend herself in her own words despite either way, she was going to lose. But those smirks of the twins which exactly resemble yours ticked her off completely.
“All of the actions I’ve done were out of 18 years of loving you, Luke! I was always there for you, way before (Y/N) came in the picture. Your breakup with Arzaylea? I was there. When people criticized the band’s hiatus and music post-Sounds Good, Feels Good and you needed moral support? I was also there. Every drinking session you wanted and invited me to out of celebration or sadness in your old home? I was fucking there! How did you not see that? We had something going on, but it was so effortlessly destroyed when she kissed you in that Valentine music video! Since then, I never liked her because I just knew she lured you in and used you so she could be famous. I just couldn’t allow that to happen, so I had to do what was best for you. Besides, if she trusted you, she could’ve told you the real behind the scenes of our relationship and we would’ve not been friends anymore. Gosh, secrecy! But I knew how to use my words so she wouldn’t bother to tell you anything. So yeah, the bitch does not deserve you, Luke. And those brats you call daughters are just as sneaky as she is!”
There it is.
The unsaid has finally dropped, which may have brought embarrassment because Sierra didn’t hold back nor had any filter to fix her words if she was to be misread. The rawness of it was a bombshell since no one ever expected it, even you if you were present. Luke felt as if he was stabbed in the gut mercilessly, not wanting to acknowledge her. Her so-called assumptions on what she thought was good for him was beyond ill-advised. Now one thing is guaranteed: she was the biggest factor to the destruction of your marriage.
“And you think you’re deserving?! Since when were you knowledgeable to know what was good for me?! I understand that you were trying to look out for me behind the scenes, but to hurt people in the process is different!!” His voice was on full blast, startling everyone and putting them on the edge as the rising drama climaxed. Sierra buried her face in her hands, put on the spot to reply back, but either way, it was a lose-lose situation. Luke’s fists balled up and hit the first thing he saw, which was a box of Lucky Charms.
“All the controversies you’ve had, I’ve looked past them because you’re a genuine and talented girl. Turns out you’ve fooled us all. Honesty is the best policy you also said yesterday, bullshit!” No one expected him to swear, making the boys and their wives cover some of their kids’ ears.
Sierra grabbed him by the arm to make him look at her. “I still am that girl, Luke. Let’s sort this out, please.”
“You never were.” Luke swat her hand away, but still turned around with a face as red as a tomato. A mix of post-workout exhaustion and frustration. “You know, (Y/N) had her own hustle, having to balance university while looking for job opportunities. Meeting her was a coincidence gone right. I thought I could fix you and your controversies, help make you become greater than that. Yet, it but turns out that you can only fix yourself, and you failed badly.”
Sierra needed to speak, she had to. Regardless of the risks. “Wow, now you’re defending your ex-wife? Last time I checked, you no longer wanted to be associated with her because she broke it off and hurt you so bad!”
Although truth was spilled, Luke began to pick up on her words and tried to piece them together with past events. Then, he realizes how some connect to each other. “She broke it off because the rumors you’ve paid to get done was a bad environment for our family then and we began to lose trust in each other. But you know what the worst thing was that occurred in that kind of setting?”
“What?” She had the nerve to cross her arms in a cocky manner.
Luke’s walls were near to breaking, but he didn’t want to leave the fight losing. “Because of the divorce, it led to half custody, meaning my twins, or “brats” as you said were robbed of a happy and full family. All thanks to you.”
To top off the cherry on top, Luke stepped a little closer to Sierra and ordered, “Leave.”
“Excuse me?” She sneered, putting a hand on her chest.
“L-E-A-V-E, Sierra. Get the picture?” Luke hissed. “You are a love-blinded psycho. By the way you said my twins are sneaky is saying that I am too because they are half of me! With this leave you’ll take is a leave from my life for good. I don’t know about the rest of everyone here, but I have lost all interest to be involved with you. So do leave the ring too, then bring all your stuff and never ever show yourself to me. You have done enough.”
His rage reached its peak, still not moving one bit. As much as they were aware that they’ve succeeded, the twins did not apprehend that their father would be severely affected in the process. All they wanted to do was prove a point and hence, they did get their justice. But for him to become sadder too wasn’t in their truest intention. They were too blinded and motivated in getting the both of you together by doing their war that they didn’t think through of the consequences.
“Luke, I-”
“Did I fucking stutter, Sierra? Leave!”
Sierra threw a hissy fit at the treatment she finally deserved, and angrily walks out of the living room. Luke remained unmoved, but warm tears swelled down his cheeks. He didn’t bother to rub them off, and as vulnerable as he is already, he tried to stay strong and hold it in.
“Luke,” Calum bravely took initiative to comfort his friend, only for Luke to finally move backwards away from his friend from this anxiety that overfilled his entire being.
“Don’t touch me, just stay away from me. Please!” He skipped to the workroom and locked himself inside, where he was left with himself to completely crash down and bawl out his pushed back emotions.
That reluctance to recognize them? Gone.
Emotional walls? Vanished.
He whimpered loudly, punching the different pillows in the couch along with knick-knacks on the desks. Pain was prevalent everywhere. Though his fists were bruised, his heart was deeply affected because he relied on his mind to give the practical solutions. Not entirely wrong, but with complete disregard of his heart meant disregarding his feelings, bottling them up for too long.
It was too difficult to make things seem normal in the household now.
Calum and Michael really did their best to change the atmosphere of the entire room by preparing breakfast, cracking eggs and bringing out the pancake mixes. Crystal needed to walk out to the patio to get fresh air away from the stuffiness. Ashton and Bryana were trying to think of easy ways on how to answer the questions from their children about Sierra since it wasn’t something they’ve ever seen before. Eleanor wasn’t too behind to follow Sierra’s steps, but not too near for the latter to see her. Arriving at her door and leaning against, she watches the ex-fiancée angrily throw different items in her dufflebag, observing how much she wanted to leave this situation.
“I’ve always had strong feelings you were still as controversial back in the day.”
She sensed a sneaky smirk from the brunette, who zipped up her packed bag and put the strap on her shoulder. Back on her feet, she came closer to Eleanor with that exact cocky expression. “You should’ve stopped me then, but you didn’t.”
As she tried to get on her way, Eleanor blocked her way, not letting her get off the hook that easily. “That was because I believed you could’ve grown better, but you chose to be a lot worse. Trashy even.”
“Ugh, harsh. But you may have forgotten that I am a girl who is passionate, who’ll do whatever it takes to get what and who I want in life. Luke isn’t something I could swipe left, babe.”
“Have you no pity or a heart?! You destroyed the well-beings of two of the most kind-hearted people, even got their children involved! - I’m so glad you were exposed. The bitch as you’ve described my best friend? Her intellect and determination were traits passed on the twins. With you, all you could ever give is your body and manipulation.”
Sierra’s jaw clicked, her free hand preparing to slap Eleanor, but she beat her it. Gripping her wrist tight that it could leave a mark, “Smart and nice way to accept loss, babe. Also by the way, I see something that doesn’t belong to you anymore.”
Referring to the diamond engagement ring, Eleanor removed her grip to the hand and watches with keen sight on Sierra sliding off the metal band. Once it was off, she effortlessly handed it to her new enemy, leading to Eleanor unblocking her. She didn’t wear her smirk anymore and scrambled down the stairs and to the garage, where a vacant, extra car awaits.
She was finally defeated.
Meanwhile, the twins managed to discreetly vacate from the living room and back to the basement, only this time, they’ve brought garbage bags and every cleaning material they could find in the pantry. Stella harshly scrubbed first the sticky floor from one row to another, whilst Rebecca disposed every popped balloon remains in the bag, shaking off any syrup stuck in it. Their progress was quite slow because some of the sticky area hardened, making them exert double energy which is more than what their bodies are capable of. Taking breaks in between increased, thinking how impossible it will be to accomplish this the entire day.
Not even halfway, a loud knock was made on the main door, the one from inside the house. “Come in!” Rebecca called out. The knob turned to its right and clicked open, which revealed the older kids, carrying spare cleaning materials and wearing similar frowns.
Stella stopped her actions. “What are you guys doing here?”
Beatrix put down her bucket and mop, entering inside the dirty room followed by the others. “I’m assuming you guys need some help after all that craziness you pulled off with Aunt Sierra.”
“But haven’t we been a burden enough to you all? This trip so far has been horrendous, at least we need to fix our mess down here.” Rebecca fired back, embarrassed to even look at them. Unexpectedly, Oliver advanced to her with his apron getup and declared, “To be honest, Rebecca, if any of us discovered the hidden intentions of a vicious woman like aunt Sierra on our parents, we would do absolutely everything to make sure that the bitch doesn’t walk free.”
“Also your strategy was crazy good, it serves her right!” Nick justified proudly. As much as it gave a short dose of hope and enlightenment to the twins, knowing their friends got their backs, they couldn’t help still feel guilty on bringing upon more emotional instability to their father.
“Thanks for the support, guys. Still though, we made our dad a lot more broken, and we can’t forgive ourselves for that.” Stella opens up, having trouble to maintain eye contact on anybody because of the shame. She may have blinked back tears because she isn’t one to show her vulnerability, another evident trait she got from her father. Less to her knowledge, Alex came to her aid with tissue paper on standby.
She was baffled, putting it away. “Thanks but no thanks, Alex. I’m fine.”
“You aren’t, Stella.”
He was right, and at the same time, one tear from Stella streamed down and he was the one to wipe them off with his thumb. Caressing her cheek, “It’s okay to be vulnerable, Stella.” He gave a hopeful grin, which was easily reciprocated with a tight hug. “T-Thank you, Alex.”
While they had their moment, the other kids were also silently cleaning those spots that the twins haven’t reached and faced the same struggles with the syrup. But now they was a lot more of them, the job was more time and energy-efficient. With that, the whole basement became spotless in another hour. Sharing jokes and another round of funny stories in between made the experience a lot less tense.
Now on their way to return to the ground room with their sweaty figures and full garbage bags, which they first leave by the front door, they were taken aback by all their parents, Luke included with red eyes from all the crying, explicitly arguing post-Sierra excluding Eleanor, who was sat in the couch really trying to get stressed due to the baby. This hindered them to go inside and stay behind the wall near the open entrance. Crystal was right behind Michael, who sided with Ashton. “Luke, you need to tell (Y/N) this.”
“I agree. What happened to no more secrecy?”
Calum joined in, giving a piece of his mind. “Mate, if you want things to work out between you two, you have to be honest. You lost her once, don’t do it again.”
Bryana had the last say. “And if you do so, she’ll give in and likely to share her perspective on why she didn’t tell you about her real relationship with Sierra.”
The anxiety within Luke couldn’t stop raising, not being able to think straight of what the right action is. He thought it was just Sierra keeping secrets, but you did too. Though knowing you all these years, whatever you choose to do and achieve in life always has a good reason behind it. It was thoughtful, yet a secret is a secret, which jeopardizes the trust of the relationship.
“I cannot lose her again, guys. When I tell her that I know, she’ll run away! That means Stella will go along too.”
“But Luke, isn’t the lack of trust the main reason you’ve ended it?” Eleanor caved in from the couch, offended at his defense because it led to her losing all contact with you, her best friend. Running away from Luke meant running away from everyone else.
Lifting herself up, her hands putting more pressure on her lower back to support her growing belly, she approached towards the lanky man. No pregnancy hormones caused her growing rage. “I have had it up to here with you. Not only did that factor caused you to lose the love of your life, but it caused everyone here to lose a friend and our kids to lose a great aunt. Fuck, (Y/N) was my best friend, whom I haven’t heard in over a decade! But mostly, your kids lost half of their parents. If that doesn’t disturb you enough, I have no idea what else will.”
As they eavesdropped, the kids couldn’t help feel the goosebumps up their arms by the hurt and may have gasped a little too vocally. The adults overheard it, sensing that their children kept an ear out for their mature conversation and becoming tenser since it’s like their happy, cheerful innocence was gone in a snap.
“Kids,” Ashton croaked, put his palm on his forehead to relieve the headache he’s bound to receive not so far from now. “We know you’re there. – Please do enter.”
As much as they didn’t want to, disobeying their rules would be a lot worse. One by one they’ve joined inside the crowd with their heads down because they were scared shitless, especially the twins who brought this to everyone. The sense of shame still stayed, aware that they could’ve approached it much more maturely.
“How much have you guys heard?” Bryana questioned, her heart weakens mostly at her kids with their doe eyes overfilled with fright.
“Enough to know that uncle Luke won’t tell anything that happened awhile ago to aunt (Y/N).” Scarlett replies on behalf, being the eldest after all.
Luke knew how energetic his niece was, but the softness of her voice made him feeble because he’s unintentionally brought back the decade old damage and it was just unacceptable for him to bring her and the other children down with him. He needs to get and give space, praying to the heavens that those kids would not have this piece of information get stuck in their heads for too long. It was just too soon for them to face this sort of reality. However, it was the twins’ reality, and it beats him up everyday. He should’ve done better.
Bringing back the need of space, he needs it starting right now.
“Rebecca Audrey Hemmings, Stella Charlotte (Y/L/N).” He directed his entire focus on the girls, who instantly elevated up their faces to his voice. “Pack your things, now.”
His tone was very serious, and very unlike him. But with all this pressure, it has took a toll on him. Not wanting any more trouble, they scurried their way out and to the stairs, trying not to slip from Sierra’s mess and make anymore delays.
Ashton, on the other hand, did not enjoy the way he instructed his kids despite his personal pressure. He negotiates, “Luke, don’t bring them into this. They are already as afraid as you are.”
“Are you their father, Ash? I just need s-space. So excuse us, but we’ll be on our way.” He bumped against the older man on the way out of the living room that became ironic because it now suffocates him in all aspects.
“Let me repeat what I said. – No one will speak of this morning to (Y/N).”
-
“Oh my, back so soon?”
Luke roughly dropped off his dufflebag, rethinking of the words he’s planning to say. The trip back home was intense and filled with deadly silence. The twins were too startled to make a sound since hwas already developed much more sensitivity with his environment. Fragile almost, so they resorted to talking through texts.
“Oh, we got an emergency meeting tomorrow, so we had to cancel. We’ll move it to next weekend, maybe you can join us this time?”
Fuck, you really wanted to go this time. But life as an actress isn’t always filled with vacations even if you go abroad a lot. By next week, you’ll be back in Los Angeles working. Just last night before heading to sleep, you received a long distance call from one of the producers of an action film where they’ve accepted you to play the main antagonist. This meant that the first meeting will be in a few days time, cutting off your stay.
“I would love to, but it’s just that,” Your hands clasped together.
“That?” Luke picked up. Your twins beside him were listening attentively, curious.
Heavily sighing, “I got a meeting with a producer this weekend, meaning I need to head back in a few days.” Your view then switched to Stella. “This also means you have to come back with me.”
As expected, she was quick to retort. “No! I don’t want to leave dad and Becks, not again.”
Rebecca was on the same plane with her. “I agree! Dad, do something please!”
Undoubtedly, he wanted to beg you to stay longer after everything, but work is work. A mantra you and he have followed ever since, and especially now as parents, it must be strictly applied if you want things between you to succeed. His mind has again overpowered his heart.
“Girls, I respect your mother’s priority of work, so since she has important work she needs to attend to, what she says goes.”
Half that statement he didn’t agree to, which was that if you left, there’s more deprivation of bonding time with Stella. He needed to catch up on everything she’s done, and Rebecca still needs to know her more.
Another thing with you leaving you again is that he can’t mend things as properly as he desired to. He’s afraid to lose you again.
But it isn’t like you weren’t feeling the same way. You’ve missed Rebecca, wherein there was never missed a day to think about her. You could’ve reached out, but you never did.
Then for Luke. Oh, Luke.
Although work is an important aspect, it was another factor that deteriorated your marriage. With fame comes time consuming plans and activities that would limit your family time, especially since you both reside on opposite sides of the world. You can’t stay away from them for too long again.
Then again, work is work. The girls grew cranky over it, like all their hard work was for nothing.
“I though you were on our side, dad.”
“I lost Stella and mom once, dad. Who knows when we’ll see each other again?”
On that note, they spontaneously left the scene of the discussion, going up the stairs with frowns and heavy hearts. You felt your heart drop too by their disappointment, investing your sight now on Luke, whom by the crooked grin he gave off, reciprocated the feeling.
“Fuck,” You groaned, returning to sit down at the couch and burying your face in your hands. “I’ve already failed this family.”
Luke took upon himself to comfort you at your saddened state, putting aside him personal misery and sat right next to you, rubbing your back up and down. “They’ll come around eventually, they are 11 years old. And come on, hasn’t work always been a huge priority for us, love?”
Love. He’s said it a few times throughout this trip, but now, it felt much stranger. You might’ve felt electrified it, but regardless. It’s just a title, right?
“It was when we were still married.”
“But it’s more important now because we have the twins.” He affirmed. He had a point, and from where you stand when everything is crumbling down, you would accept any useful advice to help you.
“You know what, you’re right. They must already understand how hard it can be to balance work and family. They are still equally important, but this job, I cannot simply turn it down because I’m meeting with other great actors. I can’t be disrespectful.”
“Well, there you go!” Luke praised, gladly patting your shoulder with your realization. “Why are you still so glum, love?”
There he goes again, and somehow you could feel much more comfortable around him to express more. His eyes were gleaming with concern, anticipating to listen.
He’s always been a really good listener. He didn’t brush his hair that much either, but it still looks good on him. Curly hair has always suited him. Distinctly, he bit his lip whenever he is sad to see others feeling down because he always wanted everyone to be okay, and here he did. Though another reason he would bite his lip is he was turned on.
Luke hated seeing you like this, quietly mourning over being a failure so early in the restarting process of familyhood. It still haunts him that the both of you took one twin away, and now that they found each other, it forced you to talk and straighten things out in a flash. But you’re both still pained by the past, and it isn’t easy to simply open up to each other, especially now when you have different significant others. Well, Luke had. Though he knows Timmy has a high dislike for him, he’s there for the sake of his daughters.
But with you, there is one thing he cannot stop thinking about: your happiness. If Timmy can make you happy in better ways, then so be it. After all, it’s all parental right. But he wouldn’t be lying if he didn’t find you beautiful during the premiere or gorgeous by the way your spectacles drooped to your nose when you were reading awhile ago. Not only that, he found it cute to find you focused on the book, the way your brows knitted when a certain chapter irritated you.
Wait, what was he thinking?
But hey, what were you thinking too?
Snap out of it!
“(Y/N), you okay? You haven’t answered my question.” He shook his hand in front of your face while you were spacing out, and staring at him too.
“I preferred love more than my name.”
“Oh sorry there. - I’m pretty bummed because I don’t want to mess things up again. I can’t lose Becks and you again for good.” You worried, not realizing how you were leaning closer to him. He took you by the wrists, clasping them together between his large hands.
“You won’t, (Y/N). As much as I fear the same, there is no fucking way I’ll let it happen. We can work this out.” He promises, hoping for the best in the future. With wisdom comes intimacy, which is followed by the close proximity of your faces.
Specifically both your lips.
You could’ve sworn he brought himself closer first, but habitually, you returned the gesture. Maybe some old habits don’t die too easily.
His blue orbs were as beautiful as you’ve looked into them deeper, diving into his spell that you can’t resist like previously. He barely had any wrinkles on his face, though his eyebags got darker and his scruff is bushier. You could think of other things to describe his gorgeous physique.
The way you licked your lips, which is a sign of you being nervous or contemplating different choices in your head, got him wrapped around your finger. The short-lived grin you gave to show him that you accept his help was too precious, almost like he was falling for you all over again.
There was strong tension building up, but your self control was working stronger. Gaining personal respect towards each other these past weeks has led to respect towards your life decisions. There was no way either of you could blow this up. Nonetheless, you freely picture yourself wrapping your arm around his neck to pull nearer to get a taste of him. Just once and that’s it.
Your mind is always the dominating party, why don’t you let your heart take charge for once? Besides, did you really mean by what you say, that it’s all parental? The white shirt that grew transparent from his sweat showcases his fit abdomen and his long neck was clean. Too clean.
You accidentally caught a glimpse of his tightened crotch on his chino shorts, the length of his member visibly seen on the side. If only you could give it a - okay self, what the actual.
Luke was too tempted to swoop under your waist and on to his lap where he let you straddle his waist with your legs. He can imagine you tugging on his locks and peppering his neck with short kisses, maybe sucking on his weak spot more deeply and roughly.
Shit, you were only wearing sleeping shorts, flowy and only up to your butt. If he just slide in his digits up inside your - fuck, stop right there! He jerked back first, trying to calm his dirty thoughts because he is no longer obliged to think that way anymore. You in the other hand moved away as well, rethinking on how stupid you were to do that.
“Stop, self. Let him go. He has Sierra as his bride now.”
“No, Luke. You blew your chance, and she’s already happy with Timothée.”
Left with your withering realizations, a ding sound echoed the area, alleviating the massive awkwardness that developed. Instantly checking who it belongs to, it was yours.
[12:35 PM] Timmy Tim: Can we please talk?
Scoffing lightly, he still had the nerve to reach out to a wound that is still so fresh and stinging.
[12:38 PM] (Y/N) angel: Why? “I drunkenly cheated” isn’t big enough?
“Who is it, (Y/N)?” Luke shouted from behind, hearing the clashing of a few pans accidentally which made you giggle because he’s always been clumsy. At the same time, your phone dinged again.
[12:40 PM] Timmy Tim: Please (Y/N). I’m so sorry.
“Oh, just the same producer. - And oi, be careful! We don’t wanna to nearly burn the house down like before!”
“I’ll try!”
Rolling your eyes because the short banter brought you back to the old days, he actually bought the half lie. As terrible as at is, you didn’t want to bring him to your personal relationship issues. The less people, the better. You try to distract yourself by rereading some of the chapter you were stuck at to get a better understanding of the plot, yet your mind kept on reflecting on Timmy. By his texts, you can vibe his sincerity although it was you who was the victim.
Ignorance from you is improbable since you preferred facing your dilemmas head on, and you couldn’t become a lie of your own words. Though there is pain, ignoring it prolongs it. It’s closure or nothing. Snatching your phone from the coffee table, you typed out your frustration. Only mildly, you call the time to express when you see him next.
[12:55 PM] (Y/N) angel: Fine. Noon, the Café Sweetener near your hotel. Oh, and I’m sorry too, that I was too dense to not have realized sooner.
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A Kid from Queens Part 6
Pairing: Peter Parker x Stark!Reader
Info: CA: Civil War Era. Tony Stark enlists his daughter to find the web slinging spider in Queens.
Word count: 2062
Warnings: Descriptions of violence
A/N: Thinking about taking a break from writing, just not getting as many notes and comments as I used to and its super discouraging because I’ve been putting so much work into my content lately. We’ll see, so please let me know what you think!
Part 5 | Series Masterlist | Masterlist
A loud ding from within the lab pulled your attention from Peter. That had to be his suit. The update must have been successfully completed and installed.
“I’m sorry, I don’t usually um” You motioned between the two of you, referring to what just happened.
“It’s ok, you don’t have to apologize.” Peter smiled sweetly, looking down with concern in his eyes.
“I know its just uh,” You didn’t know the words to describe how you were feeling, so you just shook your head and changed the subject, “That’s your suit.”
You walked back into the lab, beginning to pull the wires from Peter’s suit and fold it back into the heavy metal case.
“I’m sure Aunt May is waiting up for you.” You spoke as you extending the case to him.
“Actually I told her I was staying at Neds tonight...” Peter took the case from your hand and paused for a minute before cautiously saying, “I don’t want to leave you all alone in this tower if you’re not ok Y/N.”
“I’ll be ok, I have to be. This is my life Peter, I can’t change that, I just have to deal with it.” You crossed your arms over your chest.
“Well you don’t have to deal with it alone if you don’t want to.” He offered, no one had ever said that to you before.
“Do you want to stay?” You took a chance, “I mean we’ve got plenty of room, and some pizza and a movie sounds really good.”
“That sounds amazing.” He laughed and smiled.
“Follow me,” You motioned towards the elevator as you got in and hit the button for your floor.
The elevator opened onto your floor. On the right was the kitchen which extended into the large chic living room. That connected to your bedroom and bathroom.
You pointed to the phone on the counter.
“Order the pizza, I’m gonna take a quick shower.” You instructed.
“From where?” He asked picking up the futuristic looking phone.
“If you eat pizza from anywhere other than Joe’s we need to talk.” You smirked.
“Ok, ok just making sure.” Peter laughed.
“Tell them it’s for me and it should be on the house.” You spoke from the doorway of your bedroom.
“For real?” Peter asked, eyes growing wide in surprise.
“Dad saved the owner a few years ago during the incident. Haven’t paid for pizza since.” You shrugged, “F.R.I pull up the theatre display and help Pete pick a movie.”
“On it Ms. Stark.” F.R.I.D.A.Y replied.
A few minutes later you returned to the cozy living space with slightly damp hair, no makeup, sporting a big T-shirt and shorts.
The smell of pizza hit you right when you entered the room.
“I’ve never seen pizza delivered so fast in my life.” Peter said before shoving the slice in his mouth.
“I think that’s part of the Avenger’s discount.” You smirked as you stuck a slice in your mouth. God bless Joe’s Pizza you thought.
“Did you pick a movie?” You asked, leaning against the counter.
“Well you don’t make it easy, you own every movie ever made,” He laughed before looking up to you, “Are you sure you want to watch a movie, you should probably get some sleep.”
“I don’t sleep, haven’t been able to in weeks. Not since we signed the accords. So movie it is.” You said as you jumped on the couch with a slice of pizza in your hands.
Peter grabbed the box and placed it on your coffee table before taking a seat beside you on your large sectional.
“Wait, you have the new James Bond movie?” Peter asked, excitement in his voice when he saw it on the screen, “It’s not even in theatres yet! How is that possible?”
“I know a guy.” You shrugged.
“Is that guy Daniel Craig?” Peter rolled his eyes.
“No...but I know him too.” You said, sporting a smirk as Pete laughed.
“Do you mind if we watch it?” Peter asked.
“I’d want nothing else.” You smiled.
You started the movie, and Peter was super into it, granted it is a really good movie. After eating for a little while, you threw away the empty box and turned off the lights. You returned to the couch and curled up with a blanket.
About thirty minutes into the movie Peter turned to you to ask you a question. He seems that you’re fast asleep, a smile grows on his face and he lets you sleep. He lowered the volume on the TV because he knows how long its been since you’ve slept.
About an hour later you turned over, unconsciously leaning into Peter’s side and laying an arm over him. He only smiled and put an arm around your back.
You woke up cuddled into Peter’s side on the couch. You saw that he was still asleep too. You turned to look at the clock, it was 10:00. Had you really slept like 11 hours? That seemed impossible to you, seeing your recent average was about 2 hours.
You went to your kitchen and whipped up some pancakes, the smell waking Peter up.
“God those smell so good.” He padded over to the kitchen and slid onto your bar stool.
“Family recipe.” You winked.
“How’d you sleep?” He asked.
“Amazing. Like super amazing, I haven’t slept that long in years.” You said, sliding a plate of pancakes over to him.
“I’m glad.” He smiled as you joined him.
“Did u like the movie?” You asked.
“It was really good! Too bad there won’t be another.” He commented.
“There won’t be?” You asked in insinuation.
“Didn’t Daniel Craig say he’d rather slit his wrists than play Bond again?” Peter raised an eyebrow.
“He did, but for enough money anyone will do anything.” You said.
“Your kidding, he’s doing another?” Peter asked in shock.
“Don’t tell anyone, you’re pretty good at keeping a secret.” You laughed.
You ate with Peter and talked. It felt so natural to be with him, you haven’t enjoyed yourself like this in a while.
“Ms. Stark your one o’clock is here.” F.R.I.D.A.Y said, you didn’t know it was already one.
“My what?” You asked, before it hit you, “Oh god the galas tonight. Like tonight tonight. Tell her I’ll be down in a minute.”
“I’m so sorry Peter, I completely forgot.” You said, rushing to clean up the living space for your hair and makeup stylist.
“No it’s ok, I should probably get going. I’ve got rounds soon anyway.” He smiled.
“Be careful please.” You pleaded with a smile.
“I always am.” He said, you raised an eyebrow and smiled.
After hours of hair and makeup you heard the elevator open behind you. You were almost finished with your stylist, still sitting in your room in a silk robe about to put your dress on.
“There’s my pretty girl,” Your boyfriend Tom walked into your room and placed a kiss on your cheek.
“Hi handsome, we’re almost done here.” You informed him.
“No rush, we can be fashionably late.” He made his way in his tux over to your couch and plopped down where you are Peter slept the night before. Guilt began to well up in you.
Of course nothing happened, Peter was just a friend who was there for you in your time of need.
A few minutes later you entered the living room donning a silk champagne colored gown that fit you perfectly.
“Wow, you look amazing,” Tom stood to greet you, his eyes scanning you before quietly saying, “I can’t wait to get home and rip that dress of you.”
“Ah,ah,ah you better behave tonight. This is very important for your father and his image, he needs votes and donations, not another scandal from his son.” You warned.
“Ouch I’m hurt.” He placed his hands on his heart, being dramatic, you just rolled your eyes, “Kidding, I’ll behave, I know father would have my head if I didn’t.”
You both entered the limo outside of Stark Tower and headed to the gala. Once you arrived the place was crawling with paparazzi. You answered a few questions from reporters and broke away from Tom before entering the ballroom.
“Ms. Stark?” A voice called from beside you, you turned to see a familiar face, though you’ve never met before, “Danny Rand.”
“Y/N please,” You said as you shook his hand outside the building. “Danny Rand, back from the dead. To what do I owe the pleasure?”
“There’s something you should know about Mayor-” Danny tried to warn you before
“Babe we gotta go, they’re starting.” Tom interrupted and placed an arm around your hip, pulling you towards the door.
“Find me inside.” You mouthed to Danny, not knowing that security wouldn’t let him in.
You made your way to your table at the front of the ballroom, where the mayor greeted you with open arms.
“Thank you for coming Y/N.” The mayor nodded.
“Well someone has to keep Thomas in line.” You joked, getting a laugh from the table.
“Better you than me.” The mayor smirked before making his way onto the stage.
Little did you know Peter didn’t have a good feeling about this event. Call it Spidey-Senses if you want. He hated how happy you looked with the mayor’s son, though he knows if he really cares about you he should be happy for you. You live in different worlds, you’re the daughter of a billionaire for christ sake, he’s just a kid from Queens.
“Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to welcome you to-” The mayor began but the mic cut out. Your head was spinning and your ears were ringing. You opened your eyes to see smoke covering half the room, tables and chairs scattered around. You were on the ground bleeding. As you tried to make sense of everything around you, another explosion went off. This time followed by half a dozen men barging into the broken wall of the ballroom.
You turned behind you to see your boyfriend Thomas cowering behind you. You tried to sit up but your whole body hurt.
The men were now coming towards you, and they had guns, big guns. They took a shot at the mayor who was now on the floor of the stage, but he was pulled away by security.
You twist your bracelet, pulling the exposed metal up over your fingers as it turns into a fingerless unpainted Iron Man hand. You shot at the man now coming towards you, sending him soaring backwards, knocking him out unconscious.
You saw Peter swing in, starting to web up some of the intruders. Two approach you from behind, you shoot one, but the other grabs your arm and holds it back, immobilizing your one weapon. You pull your free arm back, bloodying your knuckles as you rammed your fist into his face. His grip loosened on your arm and you were able to break free. He tried to take a swing at you, but you were able to block it. You used the chair next to you to jump and strike him again, sending him to the ground. You were now standing over him, and pulled his mask off. He seemed to be knocked out.
You turned to see Peter finishing the last one off, and making his way across the ballroom to you. You still couldn’t hear anything and your vision was blurry. You noticed Peter raise his hand to aim behind you, but it was too late. As you spun around to see your attacker, you took a hard blow with the butt of his large machine gun. The force of the blow pushed you to the ground. You knew it had broken a rib or two. From the ground, with all the strength you had, you raised your arm to shoot him with your Iron Man hand, and he was out.
You attempted to stand, leaning on the turned over table for support. Peter was only a few feet away from you now. You limped towards him, trying to mutter his name as you reached an arm towards him, and fell unconscious.
“Pe-” Was all Peter heard as you collapsed and he caught you in his arms.
Part 7
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ACERCA DE TU MADRE
COREY
Beating on Brian’s door I continuously made my presence known waiting to see how annoyed he would get.
“Yo come the fuck on man! It’s early in the fucking morning!” He bitched. The door swung back and so did his fist. I caught it before he could get too close to my face laughing at how tired he looks. “Fuck is so funny?” He groaned nodding me inside.
“Yo ugly ass face and that childish ass temper. It’s going on one in the afternoon mother fucker, what’s got you so dead?” I asked going straight to his kitchen. I grabbed an apple throwing it at him knowing he wouldn’t see it coming. I also grabbed one to eat.
“What kind of magic pussy got you glowing like a fucking rainbow?” He chuckled staring at me across the counter.
Shrugging like I don’t know what he’s talking about I ate the apple in silence.
“Nigga I know you. You’ve been getting some ass on the regular from somebody and you’re not telling me. You’re a good liar but you used to be better.” Brian and I had a stare down only to share a laugh toward the end.
“Leave me alone B. Don’t worry about the pussy I’m getting. Are you getting any?” I eyed him with an arched brow.
He nodded to his room and that’s when I heard movement and a girl talking. He silently told me to wait as he dipped off and shut the door behind him. I made myself comfortable with his food and his home. So to sum to all that’s been going on Lori and I have been fucking every other day for the past month or so. The sex hasn’t changed from the morning after we went out and neither has anything else. I think she’s got my head in the clouds. Brian was onto something about magic pussy. That exactly what Sabrina has. Magic, beautiful, mind blowing pussy. It’s so crazy because I never thought that my wildest dream could become true.
I’m not sure what it is that we’re doing. But selfishly I like it for what it is. She’s still my friend. But she’s also how I get my rocks off. Sex with her takes my mind off of everything else. The only thing I seem to comprehend is that I get to revel in the company of my family a lot more these days. It’s like that night at the club pushed us in the direction we’re in now. As happy as I am to have what we have now I still feel guilty that I haven’t been truthful with her.
Opening the message she sent me this morning after she left I scanned over it smiling at how corny she is.
Lori: I miss u and we were just up there not even five minutes ago, what have u done to me Corey Howard????
To Lori: dick got your mind running in circles don’t it? when you coming back to me?
“Well this is a nice surprise.” A voice said from behind me. I turned around seeing an old face.
“Wow. It’s good to see you again. What are you doing around these parts? How you been though girl?” Standing up to give Carli a proper hug I saw Brian coming out of the room pulling a shirt over his head.
“I've been good. Med school is kicking my ass but I’m making it.” She smiled proudly.
Holding my chest in shock I took my seat back on the couch. “Med school huh?”
Carli sat down in the single seater couch, crossing her legs and buttoning her sweater down. “Yep. By this time in May of next year I’ll officially be a licensed cardiologist. The workload is a bitch but I’ve come too far to quit. How have you been Corey? I see you haven’t let go of my dumbs ass of a boyfriend.” She snickered.
“Living the dream. Wait..did you say boyfriend? Don’t tell me he’s hitting it raw? You need to make him work it Carli.” Kicking my feet up on the table I opened my messages back up.
“Oh I make his ass work for it don’t you worry. Excuse me for a second.” She left the room just as Bri was calling.
“You are a real comedian.” She giggled off the bat.
“But I’m right thought. What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Crossing my arm over my chest I listened to her move around.
“No nothing is wrong. I’m just so swamped with clients. I’m tired and I need a vacation. I can’t take Zay out of school but I need time to recoup, destress..” she sighed deeply.
“I don’t help you destress enough? I’m your personal physical therapist, psychiatrist and whatever the fuck else you need me to be aren’t I?” Sabrina laughed at my idiotic comment.
“Yes you’re all of those things Corey. I just need a change in scenery that’s all. I’ve got some vacation time I want to use. Can you getaway for a few days? If you don’t want-” Shutting her up I went to step out on the fire escape.
“I’ll take you anywhere you want to go. When do you want to leave? Tomorrow?” I asked.
“Thursday. I need to get some things in order for Zay and arrange for him to stay with Ray’s mom. I don’t even know where I want go. I haven’t been on my traveling status like you big boy so I’m kind of rusty.” Making a mental note in my head I leaned on the railing welcoming the breeze.
“Come over tonight. Or better yet let me come over. We’ve been busting up my mattress a lot lately. I need a change in scenery too, we’ll figure out where to go then. Is that ok with you?” Looking behind me I saw Carli and Brian telling me to come inside.
“Okay, you can come home with me tonight. I’d love to have you in my bed. Oh baby I miss you so much.” I detected a smile over the phone that made me do the same.
“It’s a date then. Look I gotta go but call me if you need anything and I’ll see you later.” Stepping back inside I shut and locked the door.
“I’ll keep that mind.” We ended our call. Sliding my phone in my pocket, I followed these two out in the hall. I have no idea what we’re about to get into but I hope I get free food.
“Another round?” The waitress asked.
“Yes please, thank you.” Brian smiled handing her some money. Brian and I have been giving Carli a tour of our home since she’s not from these parts. I’ve been keeping close track of the time so I can make sure to pick little man up from school on time. I volunteered for this responsibility and I like it. It gives me the chance to spend time with my son and embrace that fatherly role head on. Izaiah having my middle name as his first is beyond heartwarming. When Bri confessed to me what Zay’s name is and the root of it I couldn’t believe what she said. Even with miles between us and a two different time zones, she never forgot about me. And to my knowledge Zay doesn’t know that little piece of information yet. Maybe Bri and I can tell him together when she’s ready.
The waitress came back to the table with three drinks, setting them down easily. “There you guys are.” She left with Carli and Brian downing their shots in seconds.
“What’s wrong bro?” Brian asked taking me of my thoughts.
“What?” I sighed checking my watch again.
“I’m gonna step out. I gotta check on my mom.” Carli left the table leaving us be.
“Corey? What’s the matter man? You’ve been in your head for a minute now. What’s up with you? Who’s fucking with your head?” The concern in my nigga’s voice reassured me that he still cares about my well being.
Running my hands down my face I set my phone on the table and decided it’s time to come clean. “Sabrina. And she’s not fucking with my head, she’s just fucking me. Real good too. I figured out a little while ago that that Izaiah is my son but I haven’t told Bri told yet and I’m scared to. She’s not a spiteful woman so I doubt she’d take my son away from me. But me coming forward about what I did seven years ago might really upset her. The last thing I want her to do is be mad at me but I gotta expect the worst.” Taking a breath I watched Brian flip through emotions while staring at me dead pan.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let me get this straight. You have a son with Sabrina but she doesn’t know it? You have a kid? You two are fucking but you’re still just friends? What the fuck man?! Why haven’t you told me any of this my nigga? We tell eachother everything..I’m your brother..” Brian tapped his fist angrily on the table staring at me with curious eyes.
“You don’t think I know that? It’s all confusing even for me. But yes that’s all of it. I’ve been trying to wrap my head around all this ever since I met up with Eva to confirm what I’ve been hearing. You, my dad, the woman on the train and every stranger that’s commented on the similarities between that little boy and I were right. I know for a fact Sabrina hasn’t picked up on anything. My life has changed Brian. A lot.” I explained seeing Carli come back in.
“Damn. You have a kid? This shit is crazy. Am I gonna get to meet him?” Brian pulled out Carli’s chair for her.
Nodding surely I messed around with the liquor still not interested in drinking it. “Yeah you’re gonna meet him. I just need to get some things in order first. It’s just crazy man. I completely forgot about that night at her birthday. If Eva had never met up with me I would’ve never got the answers I wanted. I was drunk off my ass at Bri’s party, I found the place she was holding onto that nigga sperm and ended up replacing it with mine. Why? Because my stupid ass spilled everything and called Eva to help me out so I could switch his..you know with mine. That’s how it happened. It’s the craziest fucking story but it’s the truth.”
The look on Carli’s face when she sat down humored me. She came back at the wrong time.
“Can I ask what you guys are talking about?” She asked shyly.
“Um..how I unknowingly became a dad at a party seven years ago that I had no recollection of until recently.” I summed up in a nutshell.
“You’re a dad? Aw that is so cute. What’s he like? Does he look like you?” Carli cooed with her hands folded under her face.
Opening up my pictures I pulled one up showing it to her. She scrolled for a minute with a sappy ass smile on her face.
“He’s so beautiful Corey and I definitely see him in you. Congratulations, daddy.” She chuckled making us all do it too.
“Thanks Carli. He makes happy in a way I can’t even explain. And don’t get started his mother. Man..” I can’t wait to see Sabrina tonight. I can’t wait to kiss her, I can’t wait to hug her, I can’t wait to see her smile, and I definitely can’t wait to blow her back out.
“Is that a fucking smile at the mention of her name? Are you blushing? You said y’all were just fucking but you’re in love brother. You love her and don’t lie to me.” Brian leaned across the table staring me down intensely.
Pushing his face back jokingly I checked the time again. “Leave me alone. Hey I gotta go but y’all be safe and enjoy the rest of your day ok? I’ll holla at you later B.” Leaving money on the table I stood up and put my jacket on. “See you later Carli, good to have you back and take care of this fool when I’m not around.” I left the bar and caught a cab back to Brian’s to retrieve my car. I got in quickly heading towards the school thinking about the day I got arrested and Zay taken from me. That was not only embarrassing but it scared me shitless. I don’t ever want to see my kid taken from me ever again for as long as I’m living. When I put two and two together that Nikole planted that coke on me I felt my soul yearn to make sure she gets hers. But just having Izaiah back with Sabrina and that whole incident put behind us made me think. I’m too old now and I’ve got way too much to lose over some heartbroken, bitter ex of mine.
The anticipation of seeing Zay tempted me to speed but I controlled myself so I don’t get caught up again but with a real charge this time. When I got to his school I parked close so he’d see my car. I stood outside hoping not to attract too much attention to myself. After that day I’ve been keeping a low profile from these nut ass teachers. I don’t want to hear shit they have to say unless it’s about my son’s safety, education, and well-being. Spotting Izaiah in a crowd of kids I waited until they cleared out to walk closer so he didn’t have to come this far alone.
“Hey! You made it!” He grinned throwing himself into me.
I hugged him back turning to bring him over to the car. “How was school kid? Anybody mess with you?” Opening the door I helped him inside to get settled for this drive. Before we go to his moms I want to stop somewhere first.
“School was okay and no. Nobody bothered me. How was your day?” He rebutted buckling himself in. Checking to make sure he was all straight I closed the door and jogged around to the drivers side, hopping in fast. I put the car in drive and took off towards the city to do a little shopping.
“My day was okay. I went to see a friend of mine and that was about it. Let me ask you something Zay..” looking in the mirror I was glad to see him fully focused on me. “Does your mom talk to Julian a lot? Does he ever come by the house at all?” I asked.
“No. I never see him that much. I don’t really like him. He makes me uncomfortable.” Zay scrunched his face up in disgust.
Trying not to laugh I jumped on the highway to avoid the street lights. Zay and I bugged out the entire ride. We talked about a lot too. I swear spending time with him is like a blast from my own past. He’s so much like me and doesn’t even know it. We touched down on 5th Avenue and once I found a parking spot I exited the car and went to get Zay out from the back seat.
“Where are we going Corey?” He asked holding onto my hand as we walked towards the other side of the street.
“Well little man I need to do what I call early Christmas shopping.” Stopping by a trashcan I bent down to secure the switchblade strapped to my ankle. I also had to make sure the strap in the back of my pants was covered. Keeping a firm hold on Zay’s hand I stood to my feet, guiding him to our first stop.
“Are we shopping for mom?” He assumed.
“Yes. Do you pay attention to your mom and what she likes?” I want to pick his brain to see what he’s picked up on with his mother. I want to know what she’s like when I’m not around. Based on my own history with her I know the types of material things she likes most. But does our son pick up on anything?
“She loves shoes and jewelry and purses too. She really likes clothes but I don’t know much about that. I help her pick out her new clothes sometimes when she takes me the store with her.” He said as we reached Saks. I opened the door and walked in behind him with my hand to the back of his head.
Going over to the counter I grabbed a woman’s attention who just got off the phone. “Hi there, how can I help you?” She asked.
“Yeah I called a few hours ago about some items I wanted put on hold for my wife.” I began. I looked down to see Izaiah looking around the store with curiosity radiating off of him as to what’s all here.
“Oh yes that’s right. What we’re calling about? I want to make sure we get you everything you need.” I went through the list of shoes and handbags I requested watching her head off to the back afterward. I also asked her to gift wrap each item too so Sabrina can’t see what everything is right off the bat.
“This is all for mommy? Why buy her so much?” Izaiah asked sitting next to me on the chair.
“I do this all the time for your mom Zay. She’s not the type of girl to ask for anything, she just works hard for what she wants and buys everything herself. She probably will never tell you this but we have a weird relationship. She doesn’t have to do anything, I just spoil her because I want to. I love taking care of her and getting whatever she needs and wants.” Seeing the woman come over to me with five boxes and two bags I met her halfway and took them off her hands.
“Your wife is a very lucky woman. Thank you so much for choosing us to bless her with these gifts, I know she will love them. And I’m so glad we could help you Mr. Howard.” She smiled.
“I don’t doubt that she will and thank you.” Turning around I saw Izaiah going over to the door to hold it open for me. “Thanks kid.” We walked back to my car so I could put these bags inside and afterward we went right back to another store. If there’s one lesson I can hopefully teach my kid it’s to treat the woman you care about with the highest level of respect. My dad taught me the values of being a man and how treat women. He told me to never let my woman forget how special she is to me. I’m always good with my words and actions but I like spoiling the women in my life if they’re worthy of it.
Sabrina and every other girl from my past got close to the same amount of treatment. If I’m treated how I’m supposed to be then I give it right back. If not, well fuck you. But for Sabrina, I’ll do anything for her. I always have. Her past boyfriends have all been jealous of me because of how close we were. We never fucked around back then. When she was seeing somebody I didn’t blow up her phone, stop by unannounced, or make it obvious that I took care of her in ways her niggas didn’t. I never made a pass at her. I came to her when she asked me to and respected every relationship she ever had before ours. The respect we’ve carried for one another while in and out relationships over the years has been equal. That’s never changed. She treats me nice so I return the courtesy back to her.
By the time Zay and I finished up going in and out stores it was after eight o’clock. I took him out to eat to take a weight off Bri’s shoulders. I do all that I can because I genuinely care about him. Nobody but my father, Eva, Carli and Brian know of his relation to me. No matter how long it takes me to come clean I’m going to own up to my responsibility as a father. I don’t need guidance on how to take care of him when it’s just us two. He tells me everything that I could possibly need to know about him as far as the basics go. Anything else I learn through Sabrina.
“That pizza was so good! I like mushroom on pizza now, thanks for the advice. Mom hates mushrooms so much so I don’t ever have to share that pizza with her..” Izaiah laughed as I pulled into Sabrina’s driveway.
“Oh yeah? I’m glad you liked it. You ate four slices of pizza boy how the hell did you manage that?” Shutting my car down I went around to the other side to get Zay out of the back.
“I had a lot of room for the food. What can I say?” He refuted, closing the door on his side. I took out all of the bags and handed some of the lighter ones to him.
“And I bet you’ll eat again if your mama asks you if you’re hungry won’t you?” Teasing him is so much fun.
“I just might. Did you call mom to tell her we’re here?” He asked as walked up to the front door.
“Yeah I called her. I hope she’s still up.” Pulling out my phone I told Zay to knock on the door while I waited to see if Bri would pick up the phone.
“I’m coming!” We heard her yell getting closer to the door. Sliding my phone in my pocket I looked at the sky seeing that it’s pitch black out. The door opened up and we were face to face with Sabrina wearing a bathrobe. Clearly we interrupted her. “Come on, I’m freezing.” She hid behind the door so we could walk inside. Zay sat down the bags he was holding by the door and shut the door behind us. “Where have you guys been? What is all of this?” She shivered closing her robe tighter.
“We went shopping. I missed you mama.” Zay ran to her, hugging her with a death grip.
“Aw baby I missed you too. I missed both of you. How was school?” She looked up at me and mouthed a ‘thank you’. Nodding, I walked to her room placing the bags on the floor by her bed. The scent coming from the bathroom peaked my interest. I went in to see that she was in the middle of setting a bath for herself. She’s got candles and incense burning. Even the oil burner is going to.
“Same old Sabrina.” I mumbled going back to her room. I took the blade out of my shoe, the gun from out the back of my pants and set them in the top drawer of her dresser out of Izaiah’s reach. Next I stripped down until I was comfortable placing my clothes on an empty chair.
Sabrina has a lot to open so to make this process easier I separated the boxes from the bags and lined them up across her bed.
“Thank you once again for picking him up.” She said from behind me. Looking over my shoulder I turned around to see her robe slipping from her shoulders.
Taking a seat on her bed I tiredly waved her over. She immediately hugged me, her robe fanning open. “Tired?” She slid her hands in the back of my shirt, rubbing my back and shoulders without me having to tell her I’m in pain.
Lazily I wrapped my arms around her waist, closing my eyes to block out any source of light. “Physically. How was the rest of your day?” I questioned, groaning at how amazing she is with her hands.
“Kind of hectic. I don’t want to talk about work ok?” She picked up my head and caressed the side of my face with care. “You’re staying tonight right? Like we discussed earlier on the phone?” The inquisitiveness in her face and voice clarified where Izaiah gets that trait from. Straight from the source.
Nodding yes I picked her up off the floor and onto my lap. Brushing some loose strands of hair from her face I silently counted my blessings for this woman in front of me.
“What’s wrong? Why are you looking at me like that? Is there something you want to tell me?” She searched my eyes back and forth tickling my sense of humor at how curious and concerned she is. Forever in her mommy role.
“No baby I’m fine. I just like looking at you. Sometimes it doesn’t feel real.” I admitted, kissing her exposed chest and neck.
“Mmm..” she moaned running her fingers through my hair. “Esto es real. Tú y yo. Entiendes?” She exhaled sinking further into my lap.
“I hear you. Where’s Izaiah?” Backing up to see her face again I removed the clip from her hair, placing it on the bed behind me.
“He’s in the bathtub. I told him I’d be back. Did you guys eat already? I wasn’t sure if either of you had.” She kissed my forehead saving my lips for last.
“Yeah we did. Did you?” I returned the concern and stood up to place her on her feet.
“Yeah I’m fine. Do you want to help Izaiah get ready for bed for me? It’d mean a lot to me.” She stared at me with pleading eyes knowing she didn’t really have to ask that.
“I don’t mind. Go finish getting your bath ready, I’ll come back when I’m done.” Ushering her off to the bathroom I left the room to see what Zay was up to. I found him sitting on the edge of the bathtub with his towel wrapped around his body. Knocking on the door he looked up at me hugging himself tighter. “You ok?” Going in I picked him up off the rim and carried him down to his room.
“Yeah I’m all done. Is mom taking her bath now?” He shivered laying his head on my shoulder. Cutting on the light to his room I went to his closet to find him something to wear to bed.
“Yeah she’s in there right now. What you want to wear to bed?” I helped him pick out something to wear and got him dressed. He’s now sitting in my lap messing with and examining my watch. I adore that he’s fascinated with the littlest things. Since I’ve only got one free arm I used my available hand to sort the his curls like Bri continues to tell me after he gets his baths. I don’t complain or argue with her I just take heed to the advice and follow through.
“Has she opened her presents?” Zay asked setting my arm down and holding still so I could finish sorting through his hair. I picked up the towel, being gentle with taking out some of the water so he doesn’t soak his pillows.
“Not yet. I’ll have her open them once she’s in bed. She needs to get off her feet first. Go find you some socks to put on.” Setting him on his feet I watched him open the third drawer from the top and pull out a blue pair of socks. I saw the words ‘San Diego Zoo’ written on the sole of each halve.
Zay climbed up on the bed and rushed to slide his feet into the socks with no second thought.
“Wait..” pushing the lotion in his direction I laughed at his frown as he removed the socks and put lotion on both feet. When he put the socks back on I heard Sabrina talking. I’m not able to make out what she’s saying but I know she’s talking to someone or herself. “I’ma go check on your mom ight? Do whatever you want but stay in here or else she’s gonna be nagging us at the same time about how you aren’t in bed. You understand?” Kissing the crown of his head stood up and stretched my limbs.
“Corey..”
Turning around I dropped my arms and shoved my hands in my pockets. “What’s up?”
“Thanks for taking care of me and my mom.” Izaiah stood at the edge of his bed outstretching his arms to pull me into him. “I love you.” He mumbled turning his head to the side so he didn’t suffocate in my chest.
“I love you too man. I always will.” We hugged for another minute separating to do our own thing. Leaving his room I walked down the hall thinking about what he just told me. I wonder how my parents felt the first time I told them ‘I love you’. I didn’t put any thought into wanting to hear Zay tell me how he feels about me. But now that he has I feel really good about the growth of our relationship. “Lori?” Pushing her bathroom door open I went to disturb her knowing she would just get freaked out.
“You’re not scaring me this time. I heard you come in. Izaiah’s in bed?” She asked curling her legs up to her chest tipping her head back to get a good look at me. I stood behind her looking at her face upside down.
“Yeah he’s in bed. I told him he can do whatever as long as he doesn’t leave the room. I hope that’s okay. Sometimes I don’t know what to tell him when he’s here because I don’t want go around whatever routine you usually stick with.” Getting down to her level I kissed her, holding the sides of her face.
“Don’t worry about that. We don’t have any established routine.” Sabrina ended her bath and took a shower with me where we got in one round since the water would help drown out any noise coming from her. Once we were done I gave her specific instructions not to put any clothes on. I bought something from earlier that I want to see her in.
The bathroom door opened up and out came Bri wearing a different robe.
“Ok, what’s with the no clothes rule?” She instantly asked walking over to the bed, not bothering to sit down. I slid the smallest box over to her watching her open it and take everything out. This first box contains four different color lingerie pieces. I didn’t need any help picking these out from the associates at the store. I went around Bri to found out what size she is and found the perfect what they call ‘teddy’s’ for her. “Babe..why did you get me four? And how did you know what colors to get?” She looked in awe over everything.
“I just went with what I think would look good with your skin tone. Go put the black one on.” I suggested, reaching across the bed and separating the piece I want to see her in tonight. Sabrina hid out in the bathroom while I waited for her reveal herself. The door opened back up and I swear just seeing her in this is making my mind go to some dark places. “You like it or no? You can be honest Sabrina.” I advised standing up and walking over to her.
Grabbing her hand I spun her around in a slow twirl to get a good look at her. Damn she is one fine piece of ass. I mean that respectfully.
“I love it. It’s prefect and it’s surprisingly very comfortable for lace. You did good.” Sabrina patted my back, walking to the bed, going to open more boxes. I stood behind her just admiring the view. “Oh my goodness..look at this..” She exclaimed.
Breaking my stare of her ass I came to realize she was holding one of the purses up in the air . I never moved from this spot just so I can watch her open her gifts like it’s Christmas morning. When she had everything lined up across the bed she turned around to face me.
“Come here..” She hummed reaching for my hands. I closed our distance glancing at all that I bought her. “I love you so much you know that right?” She smirked toying with the hem of my shirt.
“I know you do.” I replied just to be a smart ass.
”Listen to me and listen to me good, I love you not because you buy me things, expensive things at that. It’s because you really know how to treat women Corey. Thank you for everything. I love the bags, I really love the shoes and this..” She touched the outfit she had on. “These are so beautiful. I just have one question though..” She yawned, taking my shirt up and over my head.
Dropping my arms I pushed her back to the point she was laying on top of her things. “What’s that?” I mumbled, lowering my body to trap her in place. I went straight for her neck attacking her warm skin with kisses. Sabrina has really sensitive skin so she can only use one kind of soap. I don’t know where she gets it from but I love that it smells like strawberries. And when she uses it, she smells like strawberries and vanilla. It never fails to turn on me now that I get to enjoy her on a more intimate level.
“How much?” She moaned, slipping her hands in between us to unbutton my pants.
“It doesn't matter. Hold that thought..” I groaned wishing I didn’t have to stop. Standing up on my feet I held onto my pants to run down the hall to check on Zay. Sabrina and I are still figuring out what we’re doing and that means Izaiah can’t see me pushing up on his mom. Let alone fucking her so we have to be careful at all costs. At least until we can figure out what to tell him. He was lying on his stomach sound asleep, snoring lightly. “Just like your old man.” I mumbled to myself. I cut his tv off, his light and left his door open a little so he’s not completely in the dark.
Quietly I went back to Sabrina’s room shutting her door behind me.
“I really really like this one..” She said closing a box. I turned to see her wearing a different outfit that made my dick jump. She chose the pink one that has no sleeves, all lace.
Locking the door I dropped my pants and threw them on the chair with my other clothes. “But pink isn’t your color though right? Tell another lie.” Laughing with her at the memory I closed in on her picking her up off the floor before she could do or say anything.
“Certain shades of pink don’t look good on me, that’s what I said.” She corrected herself as I laid her down with ease. Izaiah telling me that he loved got me thinking. About everything and what the future holds. “Hey..” Bri cupped my face in her hand with a serious look of concern on her face. “What is it now?” She sat up from underneath me, tucking her hair behind her ear.
“He told me he loved me. And I don’t know why but it kind of scared me.” Laying down next to her I tucked my hands behind my head watching Bri lean on me.
“Why?” She whispered.
“I have no idea. I know I probably shouldn’t care much but I feel like I’m lying to him about what we are. And I know that we haven’t figured out much but I think for his sake we should.” Lifting Bri onto my lap I relaxed and let her take charge doing whatever she wants.
Reaching over to her bedside table, Lori picked up a rubber band, tying her hair into a high ponytail. “We will figure this out ok, you and me. But in order for that to happen you need a clear head and that’s where I come in. So just relax, I don’t want to hear another word out of your mouth unless you’re doing what I tell you. Entiendes mi amor?” She advised sternly.
I tried sitting up but she slapped both hands on my chest making me lay back. “Yes ma’am.” I groaned.
“That’s what I thought.” She smirked, stripping me of my clothes, throwing everything to the floor. She took her time warming me up for what’s coming my way. I never took my eyes off of her. I barely flinched at the feel of her nails tickling my inner thigh. My dick in the comfort of her mouth is the perfect start to a wonderful night.
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[Trans] R2 Sound Episode #5: C's Mushroom-ed C.C.
Someone always snapped at the end of these Sound Episodes xD.
C-take Rareta C.C.
C.C.: Please forgive me, Master!
Lelouch : Really, please remember already, C.C. You even got wet like this.
C.C.: Sorry, I'm sorry, I will never get wet again. Please forgive me...
Lelouch : I'm asking you, just don't try to wash my computer or mobile phone ever again. C'mon, stop hiding there and come out here.
C.C.: I'm very sorry! Please, don't hurt me...!
Lelouch : Don't say things that will make people misunderstand! Anyway, why is your bulliable aura is so transparent?
(From monitor) Charles: Seems like you're having a great time, My Sweet Son!
Lelouch : Dad?! How did you find out my communication channel?
Charles: Facing C.C. who's different than usual, do you feel your heartbeats accelerating? No need to hide it.
Lelouch: What does that even mean? Don’t change the subject! What is your business anyway?
Charles: You know, I just want to see my son's flustered expression because of C.C.. Maybe one of these days I'm going to be a grandfather!
Lelouch : Like hell you're! I'm going to hang up, you stupid dad!
Charles: Wait, wait, wait! Wait a minute. The truth is, I came to share with you an information you would like to hear.
Lelouch : Information?
Charles: Don't you want to know the method to change C.C. back, Lelouch?
Lelouch : WHAT?!
----
Lelouch : So, now, "The first ever, sprouting and sprouting, cooking mushrooms that you have never seen before! A great gathering of friends who are confident about their craft in mushroom! Seek C’s mushroom assembly" is officially started.
Kallen: The title's long! Also, this is the hangar... right? You went as far as transforming it into a huge kitchen?!
Chiba: I heard that this is the biggest event of the Black Knights, so I come and see...
Todo: Looking at this situation, I can't even laugh.
Diethard: What's going on, Zero? Did you eat something bad? No, did you hit your head?
Rolo: Geass!
(SLAP! SLAP! SLAP!)
Rolo: Geass lifted!
Kallen: It hurts!
Todo: Uh!
Chiba: Aw!
Diethard: Ack!
Kallen: W-who is it? Just now someone just slap my head.
Todo: Unbelievable, someone actually punched my nose!
Chiba: It hurts. The inside area of my upper arm's softest part was twisted?!
Diethard: Just now I suddenly got stunned.
Rolo: Nii-san, I punished them a bit.
Lelouch: Sorry about that, Rolo. The next time they grumble again, I'll be relying on you.
Rolo: No big deal. Next time I have to make an effort not to kill them.
Lelouch: Hey hey, don't overdo it, Rolo. Well, regardless of those boring things. As I've said, I'm gathering you here for anything but one reason; to help to change the maid groupie with transparent bulliable aura, moe moe girl C.C. back to her previous self. For that purpose I need your strength.
Kallen: "Transparent bulliable aura"?
Todo: "Maid groupie"?
Chiba: "moe moe girl"?
Diethard: "Change back"?
Lelouch: That's right! In fact, I just received a contact from Emperor of Britannia.
Everyone: EHH?!
---------
Charles: There is only one way to recover C.C.'s lost memory. That is, for her to eat a new type of mushroom that grows in the underground city of the Geass Order; C-take.
Lelouch: Shiitake (TN: a type of mushroom that's common in Japan)? Isn't that something that's sold everywhere?
Charles: You're wrong! Stupid Lelouch, C-take means C's mushroom, not the shiitake! The guy who doesn’t even know these things is actually a Geass user, how laughable!
Lelouch: Oh, I see. Because it's a mushroom that grows in C's world people called it C's mushroom... Who the hell knows this kind of thing?! How can there be such unreasonable naming method!
Charles: If she eats it, C.C. will be able to change back to the original C.C..
Lelouch: Really?
Charles: However, the underground city has grown a variety of mushrooms. You can't tell which one is C's mushrooms unless you eat it. And I heard that other mushrooms except for C's mushrooms have terrible side effects. Do you have the courage to take this risk?
Lelouch: Of course I have!
-----------
Todo: So, you are completely on his hook.
Chiba: I feel that I can already see the end of this story.
Lelouch: Rolo, let everyone take a look at the mushrooms that have been collected.
Rolo: Yes, Zero.
Kallen: Uwa-! What's this? Are these all mushrooms? How much is it...?
Rolo: These are what I've collected. The total is about 10 kilograms.
Diethard: Red, blue, green, yellow, purple, striped, and there's a red and white Bodhi leaf pattern. All are mushrooms that've never been seen before.
Todo: Somehow they scream 'don't eat', 'dangerous', and 'trouble'.
Chiba: What are we to do with these, Zero?
Lelouch: Isn't it obvious? Make dishes for C.C. to eat.
Everyone: Ehh?!
Diethard: But aren't they toxic and dangerous?
Lelouch: No, you got it wrong, Diethard. The Emperor said there are side effects, he didn’t say it’s poisonous.
Kallen: Hmm~ doesn't it sound interesting?
Chiba: K-kouzuki, you...
Kallen: If that's the case, let me help you.
Todo: But..!
Kallen: It should be fine~ it doesn't seem like there's anything dangerous in it. Moreover, everyone here has been looked down upon and made fun of by C.C.. Now it's a great opportunity for payback, don't you think?
Lelouch: Kallen, you've been harboring this kind of thought towards C.C.?
Kallen: Just a little revenge, but at the same time it can change C.C. back too. Isn't it killing two birds with one stone? Let's do it. "The first ever, sprouting and sprouting ~ cooking with mushrooms that have never been seen! A great gathering of friends who are confident about their craft in mushroom! Seek and cook the C mushroom assembly", begin...!
Diethard: The title is too long to fit into the title bar.
Todo: Title bar?
Diethard: And, last but not least, the title that's too long shows that he is not confident in the content of the show. Because the content is so boring, he wants to use the title to fool the-
Rolo: Geass!
(beating sounds)
Rolo: Lifted!
Diethard: Ahh!
Todo: Diethard suddenly gets in a tragic condition that couldn't be show on TV!
Lelouch: Ignore it. Now ladies and gentlemen, let's start this event with full power!
Kallen: Well, let's get Miss C.C., our protagonist today, to enter the stage. Miss C.C., please come up and introduce yourself!
C.C.: U-um... Excuse me, I'm a maid groupie with transparent bulliable aura, moe moe girl C.C.
Chiba: You say that about yourself?
Todo: In other words, is this the name that Zero forced C.C. to remember?
C.C.: Today, I'm ordered by Master's to help everyone here. Even though I'm just an ordinary servant, please give me your guidance.
Kallen: Come, C.C., we are all gathered here to make delicious mushroom dishes for you. You have to, without leaving a speck, finish them all.
C.C.: Master..., this woman's eyes are scary...
Todo: Well for now, try my dish first.
Kallen: Todo-san, you can cook?
Todo: That is a requirement to survive in the war.
Chiba: While we're still in the Japanese Liberation Front, snakes, mice, ants, caterpillars, weeds, barks, and roots, we've eaten anything that can be put into our mouth.
Todo: It's really nostalgic.
Chiba: Looking back, my cooking skill is also trained in those hard times.
Todo: The three cuts on the bear, your cutting method with a knife was really outstanding!
Lelouch: I see, you've gone through lot of hardship.
Todo: Next, what I made is a barbecue from the blue mushroom with a bright yellow-green round pattern on top.
Chiba: It's awesome, Todo-san. It completely researched and utilized the material color. Compared to this, the bear I did was far behind.
Todo: And with a little drop of soy sauce... here, C.C., please enjoy the dish!
C.C.: Ah, um, but it looks... kind of grotesque...
Lelouch: Eat it, C.C.. Isn’t there an old saying that effective medicine looks ominous?
C.C.: Yes..., then I'm going to eat.... (Chew)... En!
Lelouch: How are you feeling, C.C.? How does it taste? Do you feel any change?
C.C.: N-not really! There's nothing special about the taste! I ate it simply because Master would be troubled if I didn't. I'm totally NOT interested in you, okay?!
Chiba: Yet you're blushing
Todo: What? What is this change?
Diethard: Oh wow. This is a lucky first strike.
Kallen: Right. There's no mistake, this is Tsundere-mushroom.
Lelouch: Tsundere mushrooms? What's that?
Kallen: It's a new breed of mushrooms. Though I just came up with the name, but anyway this doesn't seem to be C's Mushroom.
Chiba: Then next try my dish.
Kallen: Here it is! The leader of Black Knights' kitchen, whose handmade dishes made countless men get the wrong idea, Chiba Nagisa! Today she has came to make mushroom cuisine for us... what is it?
Chiba: Don't add any weird commentary, Kozuki. I mean, originally I only made dishes for Todo-san...
Todo: Uh? What is it, Chiba? What did you say about me?
Chiba: N-nothing at all! Anyway, um, what I made is simple gratin mushrooms.
C.C.: Gratin? Again it's either too obscure or too pedestrian. In short it's just a semi-finished product. But, if you're feeding me, then I wouldn't mind eatin-
Chiba: Stop yapping and eat!
C.C.: Ah... it-it's hot... Hey...!
Chiba: Alright! So how is it?
C.C.: Um, what happened to me?
Kallen: Eh? Looks like the personality has changed again. I wonder if she just changed back.
C.C.: Somehow, my mouth is burning.
Chiba: That's of course, because I just transferred the newly baked gratin from the oven right to your mouth.
Todo: It seems only the effect of Tsundere mushroom that has disappeared. This doesn't seem to be a C's mushroom either.
Lelouch: Then let's decide the name of this mushroom as “Reset mushroom”. Haha, I've came up with a really fitting name.
Rolo: As expected from Zero!
Chiba: No creativity!
Diethard: Well, then it's my turn. Now you may not be able to tell, but my first work as an AD was on a gourmet show, and even now I’m still picky about food... ehem. The dish I made is a Britannia style dish with colored mushrooms and sweet and sour sauce. Dazzling sky blue, lemon yellow, shocking pink, emerald green, red rouge, and all these colorful colors create unprecedented flavors.
Kallen: Uwah... it looks bad for your health.
Todo: Looks poisonous.
Chiba: It's definitely poisonous.
C.C.: Master, this... do I have to eat this too...?
Lelouch: W-well, that's...
Diethard: Zero, don’t tell me you're thinking that my dish is something that can't be eaten by C.C.? I hope you're not having that kind of thought!
Lelouch: O-oh! Of course not! Since we don't know which one is C's mushroom, we have no other choice but to try every mushrooms! That's right, C.C., eat it.
C.C.: Uweeh. In the first place, why do I have to eat every one of these dishes, I don't know the reason anymore. (Eat)
Lelouch; How's the taste?
C.C.: Different from the appearance... it might be quite delicious. Unexpectedly, it's edible. Wha-!
Lelouch: What happened, C.C.?!
C.C.: Master, my hands are turning into strange shapes...!
Lelouch: The sharp-edge cone, the shape, and also the high-speed rotation while making "zing zing" noises. This... this is...!
Kallen: It's a drill.
Chiba: It's a drill huh.
Todo: How marvelous!
Lelouch: What the hell is going on?! Diethard!
Diethard: Well, no matter how you look at it, it's seems to be a mushroom that turns your hands into drills. How about naming it "Drill Mushrooms"?
Todo: Drill, huh... this is a man's romance, right, Chiba?
Chiba: Of course, Todo-san!
Kallen: What's that, fuufu manzai (couple skit)? (TN: manzai is a Japanese comedy act consisting of two people, usually one had a role of ‘funny man’ who acted silly/stupid and the other one made some retort/comment of the silly thing the other one did)
Lelouch: You are wrong, Kallen! That was 'MENOto manzai' (wet nurse skit) because there’s no retort!
C.C.: No, Master, the correct name should be 'MEOto manzai' (husband and wife skit). Anyway please hurry and change my hand back!!!
Lelouch: Oi, C.C., don't come close to me while waving that kind of hands! The drill will hit me!
C.C.: How could it be...! Master...! Diiethaaard! This all happened because you fed me with a strange mushroom!
Diethard: C-C.C., why only me?
C.C.: I'm going to kill you!
Diethard: Ah! It's piercing me!
Kallen: Eh, it looks painful. This is the kind of scene can never be shown on public.
Lelouch: Kallen, this is not the time to calmly admiring it!
Kallen: Well, maybe my dish could change her back.
Lelouch: Very well, try it!
Kallen: Well, what I made is mushroom risotto. This slightly turbid purple might make it seems toxic, but the taste is probably okay, though I haven't tried it myself.
C.C.: Heh, but, I can't eat with these hands.
Kallen: It can’t be helped, then! I'll be the one to feed you~! Come on, open your mouth and say 'ah~'
C.C.: A-ahn~
Lelouch: How is it? Do you feel like you're going to change back, C.C.?
C.C.: Um, somehow... my eyes feel strange...
Todo: Hmm, looks like there's no change in personality.
Lelouch: Your eyes? Does sand get into your eyes? Here, let me take a look.
C.C.: Yes, master.
Lelouch: Ack! What happened?! Just now C.C.'s eyes are glowing! They're glowing!
Todo: Rather, doesn't it seem like C.C.'s eyes are emitting beams...?
Chiba: There's a hole on the hangar walls....
Kallen: No no, Chiba, this is exactly the result that we're aiming!
Chiba: But even so, this is too...
Todo: For now, let's call this mushroom "Beaming Eyes Mushroom."
Chiba: Beam is also a man's romance right, Todo-san!
Lelouch: If we tell Rakshata about this, there's no doubt she will be very happy.
Kallen: The attack is really powerful, we can use it as a weapon.
Lelouch: Or not! Everyone, look! The beam just now scratched my helmet and left a mark! Kallen, how could you act so calm!
Kallen: That's because we have this "Reset mushroom", don't we? She just needs to eat that to change back to normal. Did you forget about it, Zero?
Lelouch: !! I DIDN'T!
Kallen: You forgot, huh.
Lelouch: Don't worry, C.C., now we will return you to normal. Come, Chiba! Bring your mushrooms gratin over.
Chiba: I'm sorry to inform you, Zero. Actually we've used all the Reset mushroom remained.
Lelouch: What did you say?
C.C.: Then what would happen to me, Master...!
Todo: Another blow on the wall. This is equivalent to the destructive power of a warship.
Lelouch: There's no other way. In this situation, let her eat each and every one of the mushrooms, then pray that there's any that can change her back.
Rolo: That’s Zero for you! It's a creative and amazing idea!
Chiba: Isn't he just trying his luck.
Lelouch: I need everyone’s help! Put all these mushrooms into C.C.'s mouth!
Everyone: Understood!
C.C.: Please stop, that unreasonable... uh... uh... W-w-whoa! Why am I getting bigger?
Lelouch: C.C. is turning into a giant!
Chiba: She grows to be even bigger than Zangetsu! This development is too unexpected.
Todo: So this is the power of Chinese Federation for 4000 years!
Rolo: Well, for now, let's name this mushroom as "Giant mushroom".
C.C.: Who cares about the name...
Lelouch: C.C. just... broke the hangar's ceiling!
Diethard: No, no, this must be CG! Or maybe it's a bluescreen effect that's used in the past... na ha, na ha ha!
Kallen: Diethard is escaping from reality.
Lelouch: Sorry about this, C.C.. I've used every method existed, but turns out modern science isn't able to help you yet.
C.C.: It's...! It's that so...
Lelouch: C.C....
C.C.: About this, or that matter, it's all the same. In the end everything is my fault.
Lelouch: No, this is Emperor of Brittania's...!
C.C.: No, it's okay. It's all my fault. Summer is hot and sea is salty because of my fault.
Todo: She doesn’t make any sense.
Kallen: Hmm she has became this big yet she feels small inside.
C.C.: This body now has became an obstruction. I can no longer stay by Master's side! Please don't look for me.
Chiba: Well, even if we don't look, you stick out.
C.C.: Bye-bye, everyone! Bye-bye, master!
Lelouch: Really, don't run, C.C.!
Diethard: Ack, it's collapsing...
Kallen: Stop, C.C!
——————————————————————
Suzaku: Your Majesty, I have something to report to you.
Emperor: Oh? I was wondering who it is. So it's you, Suzaku. What's your business?
Suzaku: We got an emergency report from the spy we sneaked in to the area of Chinese Federation. It said there's a sight of unknown giant creature at Black Knight's HQ.
Emperor: Giant creature?
Suzaku: The reports says it looks like a young woman. I'm afraid there must be some mistake in this report.
Emperor: "Young woman"? Hahaha! Zero, I got you fooled!
Suzaku: Your Majesty?
Emperor: Zero... no, Lelouch... you are completely at my service! BWAHAHAHA!
Suzaku: H-huh?
———————————
C.C.: Please don’t look for me!!!
Fin.
Visit Index for other translations of other Code Geass materials.
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So How About Them New Episodes, Ammirite Ladies??
here’s what i thought of the new episodes via live reactions as i watching them!
overall, it was kinda underwhelming but there were parts that i really did like! and if you liked these episodes, that’s awesome!
MAYOR DEWEY WINS
was this title a reference to the movie/book John Dies at the End, cause if so then i’m shocked i caught that
apparently it is, would you look at that. btw i kinda liked the movie.
damn, Sadie took this hard. and Steven never told Lars’ parents. so i guess Sadie has to do that herself.
why tf does Steven care if Dewey wins?!
OH, IT’S BECAUSE HE DON’T WANT SHIT TO CHANGE AND HE THINKS HAVING A NEW MAYOR WOULD BE BAD WTF DEWEY DOES NOTHING
ok wow, there’s only 24 people in Beach City and he never noticed that Lars was gone!?
“is that why the donut shop was closed?”
“we’ll hire a new donut boy!” DEWEY. DUDE. ARE YOU FOR REAL?!
“high school mayor” lmao
how did he run unopposed for 10 years!?
LARS’ MOM KEEPS A SHITTON OF TOMATOES IN HER PURSE SHE READY TO THROW DOWN ALL THE TIME
i don’t like that Steven is so adamant on Dewey winning.
jesus, Steven, let Nanefua win. she’s obviously the better person for the job
“i’m done pointing my finger at you, and now i direct all my fingers on both my hands to the citizens” top 10 anime deaths
NANEFUA WINS, OH MY GOD YES
STEVEN, DUDE, REALLY?! LEAVE CONNIE ALONE!
“i don’t know what you’re talking about, but i need to get a new job” 2018 mood tbh
episode rating: 2 tomatoes out of 5. i can’t stand Steven in this episode at all. but hey, NANEFUA WON!!!!!!
RAISING THE BARN
....was Lapis’ main concern that Steven dropped his phone on Homeworld? not the fact that he was... idk... ON HOMEWORLD?!
ok Lapis is ready to bail immediately and tbh i dont blame her
did she just uproot the entire bard wtf?!
BARN THE DIAMONDS, BARN THE DIAMONDS, BARN THE DIAMONDS!
episode rating: 1.5 barns out of 5. BARN THE DIAMONDS, BARN THE DIAMONDS, BARN THE DIAMONDS!
GEMCATION
^ mfw Amethyst basically spat an egg out her mouth (it was kinda gross)
well. Greg got some kinda house.... still don’t get why the crew is so against having Greg get a house
also, where’s Peridot?
“remove all shoes before entering” Pearl fucking THROWS A RANDOM ASS PAIR OF SHOES
OKAY PEARL SCREAMING “PARTY GUY, NO!” WAS ACTUALLY KINDA FUNNY
S H O W M E P A R T Y G U Y Y O U C O W A R D S
“Steven, you should join me. become a raisin” ok Garnet
did. did Steven completely cut Garnet off as she was talking about Pink Diamond and the Gem War with the whole, “yeah, yeah, i get it, Mom. i already heard this story” kinda thing? B R U H that ain’t okay
AND GARNET JUST SHUTS UP AND WAS LIKE “good, you understand”
PEARL WAS GONNA STRAIGHT UP ADMIT TO SOME HUGE THING AFTER HER “THERE ARE THINGS THAT ARE IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO EXPLAIN” LINE AND HE CUTS HER OFF WITH “CONNIE HATES ME”
WHY COULDN’T STEVEN AT LEAST TELL THESE FOUR THAT HE WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT CONNIE HATING HIM?!
I’M KINDA GETTING SICK OF SEEING STEVEN MOPE LIKE THIS FOR 3 EPISODES STRAIGHT AND I HOPE HE DOESN’T KEEP THIS UP FOR THE NEXT 2
OH NO, PLEASE DISREGARD ALL OF THE MESSED UP THINGS YOU SAW ON HOMEWORLD CAUSE CONNIE IS (rightfully) UPSET WITH YOU. LARS D I E D.
GUITAR DAD SAVES THE DAY
i love Greg Universe
how would you not notice if you aren’t getting any service on your phone? your phone tells you when you’re getting service or not
bruh you almost made your dad drive off a cliff for you to get phone service
Greg Universe is a ride or die kinda guy
this ending shot is cute, i’ll give you that.
episode rating: 2 party guys out of 5. Party Guy should’ve bitten Steven’s phone and his shit attitude. also PEARL WTF ARE YOU TELL US ALREADY
BACK TO THE KINDERGARTEN
Connie i miss you
“of the three things i have to do in the sink now, this is the one i least mind you seeing” B R U H
Peridot listens to country music, this is disgusting
HOLY SHIT AMETHYST IS TOSSIN’ PERIDOT AROUND LIKE SHE WEIGHS NOTHING AND I’M CRACKING UP
“can i bring my music?” “NO.” damn Amethyst you already threw Peri around like she ain’t nothin’, let her bring her music if it’ll help her
aaaay, they’re in the train again!
dang, Peri really loved the barn.
i kinda like that Amethyst is going around trying to figure out which member of the Famethyst came out of which part of the Kindergarten. kinda cute.
so everything is seriously determined by the nutrition, right down to the style of a Gem’s hair? ...huh. iron deposits determine hair styles.
damn, Peri went with a sucker punch to the gut with her little speech about how Kindergartens kill off life and are just “lifeless husks” once all the Gems are done being formed. and Amethyst feels awful about it, dang.
ok. there’s a flower growin’ in the Kindergarten, and that should technically be impossible due to all of the nutrients in this one area being used up. this could be interesting.
ok, so now the trio is gonna farm & see what happens. ok, ok, i can roll with this i guess.
FARMING MONTAGE
look at them flowers
they proud
don’t make Peri live here
why the flamingo thingy taller than both of them
gods i didn’t need to see Steven happily showering
they’re talking about how the flowers are probs gonna look beautiful i bet they all died, they’re too positive about this. $5 them flowers are dead.
them flowers are dead,
...now they’re arguing, cause Peri blew up on them. alright. this ain’t good.
aaaaaaaaaaaand Peri crushed the original flower that grew here. both Steven & Amethyst made pained whimpers. ok. this ain’t good.
oh it’s a Gem creature- haven’t seen one of those in a while!
IT ATE PERIDOT HOLY FUCK
SMOKEY QUARTZ IS BACK
ngl i like Smokey’s theme music
btw there’s no dialogue from Smokey, just a quick 2 second thing
Peri doesn’t reform with a star on her
ok, that was kinda cute. and having a technician that also likes gardening is cute too
episode rating: 3.5 dead sunflowers outta 5. it was an okay episode & i did like it.
SADIE KILLER
heh, i get it. cause lady killer.
oh god, that looks bad
WHY IS THAT MOP SO BIG
instead of reading off a long-ass list to the overly worked employee, just hand Sadie the list so she won’t fuck up?
“and a coffee. hold the coffee.” same tbh
oh. he’s in a band with the Cool Kids. WE GET TO SEE THE COOL KIDS!
“...i hope he [Lars] is safe and all, but working all these shifts by myself has been a huge drag” GIRL, LARS DIED IN SPACE AND IS STILL THERE
Steven stealing all the napkins is something i’d do tbh
man, i love the Cool Kids
is my girl Jenny rockin’ the bass? aaaaaaaaaaay!
Sour Cream, what the HECK IS RAP-A-BILLY?
“Doo-doo. Butt. The government corrupts” Buck is the voice of this generation
welcome to EB Games
they... they admitted to following her home from work....
“doo-doo. i think i broke your bed” Buck wtf
also, i guess them watching all of Sadie’s horror movies gave them inspiration to do that weird donut-brain-eating song. weird.
“we are the working dead, and we lurch for minimum wage” same Sadie
......ok, she’s freaking everyone out. and they look uncomfortable. Sadie, seriously stop. they’re concerned.
...she. put lipstick on her eyes.
see, if she wasn’t freakin’ everyone out with this, i’d say this song is a bop.
ok they’re fine now & thought it was lit ok cool cool cool. i ain’t a big fan of the lyrics tbh, but i do like the song.
“aww, doo-doo”
ok so Steven’s askin’ for advice on how to write horror-themed songs from Sadie. how about LARS DIED ON HOMEWORLD
SADIE’S ADVICE IS:
LOSE YOUR LIFE TO A BORING JOB
LOSE THE ONE PERSON YOU WERE CLOSE TO
LOSE YOUR MIND WORKIN A TON OF SHIFTS
GIRL FOR THE LOVE OF GOD
Steven puttin’ Sadie on blast, good lord he just sang an accidental roast tryin’ to sing shit like she does
HE STOLE ALL THE NAPKINS AGAIN
“you can’t help being cute no more than i can help being cool” Buck, you’re a blessing
“yoooooo, what if this is all a dream?” Buck, wtf?
oh. Sadie’s goin’ with them. okay.
OH. SHE QUIT HER JOB. UM. OKAY?
episode rating: 3 funky riffs out of 5. Buck Dewey is great.
KEVIN PARTY
I DO NOT WANT TO WATCH THIS EPISODE, BUT IMMA DO IT ANYWAY
DIDN’T EVEN START THE EPISODE AND I STILL FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE
let’s just get this over with...
why’d Steven wait this long to track down Lion?!
siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh, here he is......
gods, i still hate him
stop being gross to kids, leave Steven and Connie alone ya freak
at least he knows they use they/them pronouns.
how did he find out where Connie is? doesn’t she live far away from Beach City? did he track down these two kids just to “invite” Stevonnie?!
“no one turns down an invitation to a Kevin party” i sure as fuck would
lmao Kevin has an old phone
“your name’s Steven? weird, i thought your name was Clarence” OI, DON’T INSULT CLARENCE LIKE THAT
rude, Steven brought snacks and ya just toss ‘em into the void?
ok. he’s creepily obsessed with Stevonnie cause apparently they make parties and shit like that hella fun. um. stop? being obsessed with kids??
WTF WHY IS LION AT THE PARTY
Connie actually showed up. and had Lion the entire time. that’s. super fucked up. Lion is the ONLY way to get to Lars directly!
and also, there’s TWO KIDS AT A PARTY WITH OLDER PEOPLE?! NO ONE BUT DERRICK QUESTIONS THIS?
Kevin’s gonna try to get them to talk to each other... so they can form Stevonnie... so his party won’t suck...
also, he keeps calling them 7-year-olds........ siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh, ok Kevin.
KEVIN YOU IDIOT LET THEM TALK TO EACH OTHER SO HE CAN SAY SORRY DON’T GIVE HIM YOUR “COOL GUY” BULLSHIT
“i need those old people to whisper my name when they die” tbh goals
“who’s Sabina?” Kevin got all red in the face and almost lost his cool
so Kevin’s gonna try to make Steven look like he’s moved on from Connie or some shit. this won’t end well.
NO, NOT DERRICK’S JACKET
now we get a montage of 2 kids being uncomfortable surrounded by older people at a party they should’t be at, ok.
at least Connie looks cute. and she got a haircut! so cute!
NOT CUTE NOT CUTE NOT CUTE
GOD, I HATE KEVIN
Steven, what are you doing?
STEVEN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
ok, quick recap cause i didn’t mention this: Kevin thought Steven & Connie were dating, so, Connie only went to the party to see if Steven’s okay and if they could talk. Steven decided to follow Kevin’s advice for some reason, and Connie thinks Steve’s new BFF is Kevin, and Kevin has no concept of what friends are.
so. Connie didn’t text Steven cause she preferred talking face to face about this, and that texting him wasn’t good enough to work out these issues. very fair point. still don’t get why you legit stole Lion from him, but the not texting back thing makes complete sense.
ok, she rode Lion to his house while Steven, Greg & the Gems were away (the episode Gemcation). and that’s when she bumped into Kevin and got the invite. ok. now Kevin is slightly less creepy, but still disgusting nonetheless.
oh, yay! they’re talking it out! and Steven isn’t disregarding Connie’s anger!
yay! they’re friends again!
don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie.
LMAO GET FUCKED, KEVIN, THEY AIN’T FORMIN’ STEVONNIE
episode rating: 1 Lion out of 5. least fave episode, tbh. but hey, we got Connie back!
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A story written from a Tumblr Perspective
Before anyone reads this I would like to point out this story might feel exaggerated or cheesy or just plain stupid, well it was intended, keep that in mind. Thank you. A story written from a Tumblr perspective. U know this trip could have ended differently, it's too late tho, you see I'm falling off a cliff right now because of a rare desease I like to call the IDDLT, short for imaginative death due to loss of tumblr, don't believe me? Well there was this chicken, it could fly and it told me that I was... whatsup with da crazy face? Oh... yes I should probably start from the beginning, it all began with two words and an exclamation mark. No wifi!? Yes honey for the millionth time the secluded valley we are going to will not have wifi! But, but, DAD! Don't worry dear, think of it as a way to open ur mind... to calm ur soul and shakra... ahh don't u just feel it honey, u spend too much time on that Facebook app of yours anyways. MOM!! How dare u insult my tumblr like that!! It's not Facebook!! Oh u kids with ur apps these days, they're both blue? What's the difference!? At this point I just went full silent treatment teenager sulking mode, I wasn't going to talk to anyone, breath for anyone, not even think of anyone except of my precios tumblr. Only I didn't know what kinda seclusion was in store for me... dan dan dan daaaan 5 hours later *spongebob narritve voice Ah so secluded not even the car could come with. It's true, my dad seemed very ok with this, we had to leave the car behind, and then had to walk for an hour, like what's up with that? Nature and walking *shudder. Oh honey this is amazing, it's so yoga! Wait hold up, let's take a minute to just breathe and think about this... inhale* exhale* now the question is, is yoga an adjective!? Society these days. Anything for u sweetie! Now I will spare u detail of what took place in the next 1/2 a second for two reasons 1. No human should have to endure that 2. Because I looked away, but from the sound I heard it was a kiss, a freaking kiss! I know right talk about public indecency. U may be wondering much commentary many wow, but only like this will u understand where I stand... *snicker* did u see dat *snicker* i used stand twice... yea it wasn't that funny... moving on! What my mom had so wonderfully described as yoga, was a small eco house and a chicken coop in the middle of an Alaskan valley, the things ppl build... And I thought to myself... What a shitty wooooorld... Thank you, thank you! Performance by the one and only Chloe garcia, bob on Tumblr for all you Tumblr boys and girls out there, no straight white males tho!! U may be thinking, how the hell did I, wonderful smart bisexual 1/16 Asian girl I, get a tumblr handle like bob, it's so unoriginal it's amazing, let me tell you how. I fought a guy for it, his name was bob... Muahahahaha I do what I do. ;) ... ... I think my minds deteriorating. Like literally. I think I might die. Oooooh I might ride a helicopter to the E.R. Dude! What if, In the middle of the ride, I'd just jump out! I'd be the girl that didn't want to be saved! So poetic, such tumble worthy, many wow. That'd be a good way to go *sighs dreamily*. Wow... I never cease to amaze myself, other people must think I'm the bomb!! Like who wouldnt think th- Chloe!!! Sweetie can you hear me?!?!?! Gosh mom! Are you trying to make me deaf!?!? Well I've been trying to get your attention for the last few minutes. ... Anyways, me and your dad are going to be occupying the house for a lit- HOLD UP! Im getting some weird vibes, Alright so she is smirking at him, and he's got her in an embrace... and they want me out of the house... ... ... ... FUCK this SHIT IM OUT! -tle so we would appreciate if you would explore som- I get it, I get it! you guys should be ashamed u know. Making your daughter come all the way down here just so she has too try and avoid *shuddering with no end* u guys *again shuddering* having *chocking* *cough*. We're only human Chloe. One day you'll understand dear. No! I will never understand! Sex in no way will ever be understandable! I'll be in the chicken coop far far away from you disgusting creatures! *cue the aggressive stomping/ walking to said stinky chicken coop and the agrresive door closing of stinky chicken coop cause I'm a teenager and I'm pissed and I'm allowed to show it* Thud. Boom. Her majesty the queen, are you alright? Whaaaaaaaaa *groan* You hit your head on the way in your highness. And with that the big chicken warrior did a curtsy. So cute. And then the nerdy chicken in the back told me it was the engineers fault completely, he had forgotten to adjust the door size to your highness stature, then proceeded to offer me his deepest apologies and beg that he not become fried chicken. I like fried chicken. Fried chicken is good. I can't have fried chicken. I'm vegan. ... ... ... HOLD UP! (Wow that's the second one today, my life's turning to shit) I stood up so quickly, I almost passed out again, and I may or may not have fallen back down, but not before I made my point! Are you guys chickens or aliens? Your highness, said the cute little nerd chicken with a slight chuckle, we are definitely chickens. But but, ur speaking? Like English? For that there is only one explanation your highness. The Internet. Now let me describe to you the reaction I had too these words 2 words. HALE FUCKING LUJAH! YOU GUYS ARE DA BEST! what's da password tho. Your highness, it's your highness's name. we had it changed as soon as you arrived. C with caps I presume Yes your highness. Kk What's the deal with that btw? With what your highness? With the whole your highness thing and queen stuff, like what's up with that? let me tell you about the prophecy the person that brought us here told us, and with this he came closer and told me the whole story. A long long time ago our king and a few others we're brought here to live and thrive,they were given a computer and wifi and with that they learned. A few weeks later our carrier came back surprised that we had already learned how to speak and write, so he left us a set of instructions to keep us safe from the world that would never understand us, and they were. never to leave the chicken coop so we built underground , respect our fellow chicken, and not everything on the internet is good. And one very very important one. If a girl of my kind ever comes, treat her as if she was queen, for she, surely is. Wow. Cheesy much? That is how your lordship instructed and that is we have followed through. Over the years we have prepared for your arrival and have built and created technologies unknown to man, and all of it, was for you. Again wow. Cheesy much? You are set to receive the highest honor in our community, the purple egg with golden stripes. Cool beans. So where is this egg? In one hour there will be a ceremony in your honor, where you will receive said egg, your highness. Niiice Ever heard of Tumblr? Yes, your highness, it is a despicable addictive opinionated app isn't it, your highness. We have told our young kings to stay away, for it changes oneself. ... *eye twitching* Ok, no, this isn't so. There's a good side to Tumblr. With fear the little chicken trembled and admitted there was certainly a good side too it. Good good. I wish for the ceremony too begin now. I have a point too make. Of course your majesty. Thank you. ... ... ... *a few minutes later* *Trumpets and whatnot* *chicken cheers* Settle down, settle down. We are gathered here today to do what we were raised for, to give our lovely Chloe her rightful place, the royalty egg. Please take this as the key to our efforts and fruits. Thank you, king KFC. By taking the egg, it melted in my hands and made purple feathers and gold flakes show up on my skin. And ultimately I was a chicken. Thank you for receiving this gift Chloe. WTF! U made me a chicken! Dude! Why! There's no bigger honor than being a chicken?!?! What's wrong with you!?!? And with this the whole chicken folk went into distress and started clucking and exploding into fried chicken, I seem to have upset them, pretty soon they were all dead and I was eating chicken, real good, great meat this folk had, I then realized I was a cannibal since technically I was a chicken. After I ate I somehow flapped my wings and started to fly, which was quite cool I guess that's the honor they were talking about, sadly they couldn't see it. Oops. Oh well and then I hit the ceiling. Boom. Thud. Chloe are you ok!?!? My mom screamed at me with blood in her hands, a bit exaggerated in my opinion but oh well, I realized then I was actually quite hurt, back in the chicken coop, and not a chicken. Cool is all I could think. I can't really remember what happened next, but I think I was on the way to the hospital in a helicopter and I remember thinking, i predicted this shit all da way!! I also remembered the other part, the suicidal the sad part of me remembered what I was going to do if this happened, to be honest, I'm quite relieved. So I did it. So on my way down I thought I'd tell you all of this, and explain my desease, we all know it was an excuse. An excuse for not wanting to hear the world anymore or to see it, Tumblr really did ruin it for me. Thank you.
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Who let me watch 5.06?
I should be doing an assignment that’s due tomorrow but ya know due tomorrow means do tomorrow. Lol I know I should be ashamed to be a procrastinator but university has ruined me anyway. I’m tired from literally going to one lecture haha, but in any event I’ve been rewatching mad men for the who knows what time but I thought I’d take a break from all that and watch an episode of CtM & @flyingnonny inspired me to do a reaction post so why not? I decided on 5.06 since last Sunday’s episode reminded us of that camping trip 😂😂 here goes nothing..
*skips intro bc I’m impatient*
Cute community moment ☺️
TRIXIE😍 slaying my life
Shelagh looks so good too 😍 and Angela melting my heart!
Why is shelagh forever wearing cardigans? I like cardigans every now and then but all the time, really?
Everyone is sitting outside, Trixie is in a sleeveless dress, as is Barbara, so it has to be warm?? take it off Shelagh
She’s still my bby though even if I don’t always agree with her fashion choices
what gross vejo pinching Trixie’s ass? That’s not ok
And Babs too lmao, creepy old man, die
Shelagh saying “hello dear” aw
But this is like the only interaction between Shelagh and Trixie & that does not suffice !!
ALL I WANT IS FOR THEM TO HAVE AN ACTUAL FRIENDSHIP IDC HOW MANY TIMES IVE SAID IT I REALLY Want it😭😭💕💕 my two fav bbys
I HAVE EVEN GIVEN REASONS WHY & I CAN GIVE THEM AGAIN *** 1) Why not?? Shelagh has like no real friends besides her husband and sort of Sister Julienne?
2) just please, because I’m asking nicely 3) When Shelagh was Sister Bernadette she was often friendly/ in the gossip and conversation with the nurses & remember that one time Trixie grabbed her to come listen to Jenny’s phone conversation?
4) Trixie was the only one besides Sister Julienne to visit her in the sanatorium. That has to count for something! 5) They’ve both been on the show since day 1 & have known each other the longest (besides the nuns) why wouldn’t they be friends or least actually speak to each other?
Aye this is the lady who’s fake pregnant
Shelagh wearing earrings though >> here for it
Sorry there will be a lot of gushing over Shelagh and Trixie
And also I WANT TRIXIE’S HOOP EARRINGS SO BAD, where can I find them??
And how do I get her clothes and figure and her everything lol?
PHYLLIS ! My champion
“Would it have killed you to sit down for five minutes and eat the whole thing!” I LOVE HER, SHE IS A GEM, A HERO, A BADASS & IM NOT READY FOR SUNDAY. IM GOING TO BAWL WITH AND FOR HER
she deserves the best
I think this is the only time I’ve ever heard Trixie address Shelagh by her first name?? a prob.
They need to interact more 😭💔💕😍 I will stop saying it when I’m dead even then I’ll prob say it
Actually when I think of it no one ever calls Shelagh by her first name besides obviously Patrick? And Sister Julienne
#MoreShelaghAndTheOtherNursesInteracting2k17aka1962
And I need at least two seconds of them dotting on pregnant Shelagh
Helen looks so good like goals
“I threatened to put one man over my knee but that only encouraged him” HA IM DEAD NO KINK SHAME
I think there’s been a similar joke before but fuck it it’s still funny to me
But seriously everyone loves Trixie lol how could you not though?
Hey Pats, it’s been a while
Lol omg Tim in that uniform.. Not the best costume 😂😂
Never seen Whistle Down the Wind
But you see, Tom and Babs making out as usual, I’m not knocking it lol but this is why Sister J told her to chill when they went to South Africa😂
also lowkey jealous bc Jack Ashton is handsome af and that could’ve been me but it’s all good. He and Helen are adorable together and I’m here for it x10000
Omg I forgot this lady got assaulted
Oh shit I just remembered this is the episode where sister MC is attacked FUCK WHY DID I WATCH THIS
she can’t report it bc she’d get arrested for soliciting wtf
But remember Shelagh wore the headbands in like series 3 (so glad she stopped I was not here for it)? They must’ve gave them to Babs lol
I forgot Trixie didn’t tell the nurses about AA yet
But she looks gorgeous as ever, even with her mascara running
Lowkey nauseas looking at all that fish ugh. Funny becuase they put a grocery store that has a fish market on the block up from where I live in NYC and I hate it
I forgot about Peter lol and he was in an episode this series whoops
LIKE WHERE’S YOUR WIFE LOL, *I know, too busy for this, I don’t think she’d fit in the series anymore anyway*
Sister Mary Cynthia 😰❣️
Lol she doesn’t sing loud enough ??
Sister Julienne is so cute when she smiles but don’t forget she’s a badass
REMEMBER THE AGGRESSIVE JACKET FLAP BC OF THE IRRITATING SISTER URSULA
How did this girl hide her pregnancy though?
And did her brothers just not realize she was pregnant and the mother wasn’t?
Oh jeez my cousin was a colic-y baby and my parents kept him like 3 days a week when I was in high school & it was a nightmare. I didn’t sleep for so long
Dont get me wrong I love babies. But when they scream when I’m trying to sleep, nope. Return to sender.
Shelagh is so excited about camping it’s the purest and most adorable thing 😭😭And I like her shirt
Shelagh made Tim copy the napkin folding from a magazine, SHE IS A GEM
“We never have serviettes on a weeknight” wtf did they just not use napkins every day? I’m confused Lmaoo. What am I missing here 😂omg that reminds me of one of the times my family and I went on a cruise (2006, hella long time ago already wow?? 11 yrs yikes) and my brother & cousin were late to dinner and lied to my mom & aunt saying they were at a “napkin folding class” & my family deadass believed it up until 2 years ago😂
Shelagh’s accent is so cute. I’ve said that many times but it’s so sweet. But again why do we just have to accept she’s Scottish with no context as to how/why she came to England? Like I’m sure there were convents in Scotland. I dont even care that much I just will forever be curious as to why it seems she had no life before she got married lol? Like they don’t ever bring up the fact she was a nun, but ok maybe she feels awkward talking about it but what about before?
They’re so excited it’s so precious, protect this family 😂😭💕💕
Sister MJ is fasting lol I should try it😂
Omg another dumb story, I didn’t realize today is Ash Wednesday and was hella confused seeing some people with ash on their forehead ��😂 I should give up something for lent but idk what, we shall see. My mom gave up carbs last year & I died bc I lived at home and ate what she cooked and almost all my fav foods are carbs😂
Shelagh referred to Patsy as Patsy, I’ve only ever heard her say Nurse Mount??
lol Tim you’re what 14? you know damn well those arent* bullet holes
at least he has some of his innocence still. I didn’t @ 14
Sometimes I forget I’m gonna be 19 this year wtf. I’ve accidentally told people I’m 16 before and had to correct myself 😂😂
Patrick is excited about this holiday, boy you don’t know what’s coming 😂
HE’S GONNA ATTACK THE LADY WITH A BABY I FORGOT THAT TOO WTF
I wanna fight him
Diane’s anemic ? Or her mum is just assuming
SHELAGH IN HER CAMPING OUTFIT!! The hair scarf and trousers !! I’m so here for it 😍😭
I want to see her in another pair!! yes lets get it 1962. Probably not likely this series but hopefully next series!! Ah can’t wait
Shit this series is almost over 💔💔 but omg 1963 gonna be lit as well?!
Like the space race started/orbiting the earth, Kennedy’s assassination .. wait never mind lol I’m thinking of American History moments. but still a lot of it was crazy world news so maybe it’s mentioned?? first bond film came out in'63, petition for Tim to go take Susan whatever from around the corner to see it since we know he liked the novels
Lots of famous films came out in ‘63 so there’s gotta be some reference.
Fun fact: I love pop culture references in period drama bc I’m lame jk I’m majoring in education (to teach history)
Old news but still relevant: Phyllis’s turn on: Rolodex systems 📇
“CRANE, as in the wading bird or industry lifting equipment, whichever you prefer” LOVE U PHYLLIS, YOU CORRECT HIM
PHYLLIS’S FACE WHEN GODFREY SUGGESTS SHE CAME OUT OF RETIREMENT, IM DEAD
“I shall consider retirement when I’m at the appropriate age” IM LAUGHING SO HARD, FUCK YEA PHYLLIS. I LOVE HER SO MUCH, LINDA BASSET IS ON THE LIST WITH LAURA AND HELEN OF PEOPLE WHO COULD PUCH ME IN THE FACE AND I’D THANK
LOL SHELAGH JUST STANDING AWKWARDLY LISTENING TO THIS CONVERSATION
“Buenos vacaciones” I NEED MORE PHYLLIS WORKING ON HER SPANISH I LOVE IT, Ella es oro.
lol the roof rack, bet it was Phyllis’s they borrowed when they moved
PHYLLIS’S FACE OF DISGUST WHEN DR GODFREY SMILES AT HER IS ME ALWAYS
LOL THE THE NURSES & SISTER WINIFRED DYING OVER PATRICK’S SHORTS (EVen though sister W “swears she’s not looking”)
I THINK THE SOCKS AND WHITE DAD SANDALS ARE MORE AMUSING 😂😂
Poor Judith💔
It’s a vicious attack Sister J! But you don’t know it yet so I get u
Here comes summer..😂
SETTING UP IN THE POURING RAIN LOL
Shelagh and Angela being adorable !!
Tim and Patrick proud that they set the tents up & boom it falls 😂 which is symbolic for me taking exams, I think I did well or at least decent on them and then I find out I failed by like 5 points
Nonnatus table scenes <3 😭
”I’ve seen more dangerous marshmallow bunnies“ lmao Pats this is a serious moment I shouldn’t laugh
Shelagh took off her glasses 😉😏 but fr how is Laura Main so perfect
Patrick put scotch in its lit, pass it over😏
Lol Shelagh drinking is a strange thought but I’m so here for it. Nuns can’t drink right? Idk. Imagine her drinking alcohol for the first time and just getting drunk 😂 we know Patrick and Tim are lightweights getting drunk off one beer so I assume shelagh would too😂
Damn it Patrick, you spilled your cup. Furthermore proving you’re a disaster 😭
LMAO SHELAGH’s “WTF” FACE WHEN SHE ASKS PATRICK WHAT HE’S THINKING ABOUT AND HE SAID THE ULCER CLINIC
LIKE C'MON PATRICK YOU KNOW WHERE SHELAGH WAS TRYNA GO WITH THAT😂
“And if you don’t mind my saying so, you’re not exactly Cliff Richards yourself” SHELAGH 😂😂 another great line of hers, love it
I love their playful banter lol we need more of that 😂 but lets be real series 6 has had some of the greatest Shelagh and Patrick moments so I can’t complain 😭😍
Peter and Barbara is such a unusual dynamic haha
“How is chummy?” Wait does Babs even know Chummy? I don’t even remember if they met tbh
But for real Shelagh did you really think Patrick would just forget about work completely ??
Lol Angela crying because she is petrified of squirrels😂😂and Shelagh running to her is so cute.
Why didn’t she just get rid of the *creepy* squirrel nutkin book? it seemed like they still had it in series 6 haha
rice pudding is I think the same as aroz con leche, lol it’s gross sorry
Diane’s water broke oh shit
the Turners all in the tent playing I spy bc it’s raining haha
I went camping for the first and last time this past summer w/ my sister in laws & her friends, it was awful 😂😂 I got like 100 mosquito bites that became welts, i literally slept in the car the second night & it was mid July fairly south of east coast aka it was humid and sticky af , there were wild horses that walked around..Thank God they brought alcohol cause it was a nightmare I don’t wanna remember 😂😂
ANGELA IS SO CUTE UGH & ANOTHER GREAT SHELAGH FACE😂
lol yes go to a hotel, should’ve done that from the get
So what exactly does Fred run? some civil defense thing?
She’s in labor and can’t even scream omg, I’m screaming
“They are often incorrect in their opinion” Sister MJ is a gem. I want someone to look at me the way Sister MJ looks at cake and the television
Phyllis yelling at Dr Godfrey😂
PATS’S FACE OF DISGUST IS ALSO ME
HOW DO THESE WOMEN GIVE BIRTH STANDING/SITTING UP?? AHHHH
There you are Beatrix, it’s been a while
Patsy being suspicious with the card game line lol. but when is Trixie going to find out about Patsy and Delia?
SHE RIPPED OUT HER WOMB?! WTF OMG IM SCREAMING
THIS HURTS TO WATCH AHH
Trixie and Sister MC to the rescue but omg this is wild I forgot
Fred wtf you can’t be sneaking up like that
DONT LEAVE SISTER MC ALONE TRIXIE
NOO, IM NOT PREPARED FOR THIS
“There are flowers on the table, and feathers in these pillows, that’s all the nature I need to get back to” I feel you Patrick lol, I like nature but not camping
Lol remember Shelagh’s old nightgown? ah I don’t miss it. The bri nylon is such a look™ & obviously has magically powers i.e this miraculous conception.
“..or they’ve been mulled to death by squirrels” IM DEAD HAHA THAT WAS A GOOD DAD JOKE, NICE ONE PATRICK
aw the baby is so precious
Why is the operating room/being in surgery called theatre in the U.K.?? and why is the doctor’s office/practice called the surgery? so many questions from a confused American..
Sister MC by the docks😭💔 she was just chillin with God and THIS HORRIBLE MAN RUINS EVERYTHING WTF UGH
Oh no
SISTER MC JUST UNCONSCIOUS ON THE DOCKS WTF IM CRYING WHY WOULD HURT HER
Patrick even if you were there she wouldn’t have called you, don’t blame urself
it’s not your arrogance sister MC!!
“don’t you even say the word fault, do you hear me, I won’t allow it” 😭💔 it’s NOT your fault sister MC 😰
I forgot how upset/hurt this episode makes me
“The worst thing is that I actually stopped to pray…” my heart hurts
You can’t even blame her for being angry😪
Judith you’re not a bad mother!! This isn’t your fault either
Sister MJ IN THE BATHROOM WITH HER😢😢💔💔 I’m c r y i n
I SAID PROTECT THEM AT ALL COSTS WHY DID THEY HURT ME LIKE THIS
Everyone so quiet at the table..
ILL FOREVER BE PROUD OF HOW BRAVE SISTER MC IS FOR SPEAKING UP FOR HER AND THE OTHER VICTIMS💖😭💔
Russian prison tats??
“I thought at first it was a test of faith, but it was a test of strength. I can bear more than I ever though I could and I can bear it for others because my strength is a gift, from him..” brb sobbing
I feel so bad for Mrs Hills bc I understand she thought she was doing the right thing and was trying to protect her daughter from the stigma & judgment from having a baby born outta wedlock 😭
But damn she almost killed her & now she can’t have any more kids
“I’m a mum, mum” Aw
lol I want children (obviously not anytime soon) but if I do Ima be shook for the rest of my life. Like my kids will be like grown & I’ll still wake up like wtf I had them? Lmaoo
SHELAGH’S GREY DRESS >>😍
Patrick jumping on the bed was cute lol
The Turners being cute and an unrealistically perfect family together as usual
Trixie 😍off to her AA💕
“I think it’s about time I came clean..”
Im so proud of her omg. She’s come so far in 6 series 😭💖💖😭
And Patsy and Delia are supportive yess👏🏼
“New truths were being spoken at Nonnatus house, but some remained concealed. While one voice rose, striving to erase its agony in song.”
Thanks Vanessa,, The End 😭
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151 Best Happy Birthday Memes 2019 – Share with people around you
Best collection of Happy Birthday Memes! We have put together 151 best memes collection for you. That includes funny memes for friends, family and more. Check out our following table of content, to know more about the topics that we have covered here.
17 Best Happy Birthday Memes
Prepare yourself for the happy birthday memes!
Happy Birthday! Oooh look, candles! Is it someone’s Birthday?
OMG It’s your birthday!!!!
When Chuck Norris comes to your birthday party, you give him presents!
Happy Birthday from me and this cat!
I’ll make you an offer you can’t refuse! And an entire birthday cake!
Happy birthday! I hope it’s a real hoot!
And I will strike upon you, with birthday flowers!
Your face when they tell you, the correct number of candles on their birthday cake!
Happy birthday, have the time of your life!
Hmm, I do say, Happy Birthday!
Is your birthday? Happy times! High five!
Happy birthday, kick back like a boss!
Happy birthday, in 3..2..1
Obama wishes you a happy birthday! BOOM!
Happy birthday!
I know you had lots of birthday wishes yesterday, but who is thinking of you today? Me, that’s who. Happy Belated Birthday!
19 Hilariously Funny Happy Birthday Meme
Happy birthday! From one sexy beast to another!
Its your birthday, you has cake?
They didn’t make me a birthday meme. I didn’t call the fire brigade!
Can’t find a funny birthday meme! Still gets the sentiment across!
I just wanted to eat, but you lit my food on fire! 🙁
Nom Nom Nom…Noooo it are my birthday!
Happy birthday! Keep it classy…no wine from a box!
Happy birthday. I got you a cake! Some assembly required!
Happy birthday, dude! Duder, El-Duderino, Your Dudeness!!
It’s your birthday, I like to propose a toast!
Age is just a number. FALSE: Age is a word!
Mexican word of the day: IGUANA….IGUANA Wish you a happy birthday!
No happy birthday for you!…..Come back one year!!
Happy new ye…. Birthday, I mean happy birthday!
It’s your birthday….everything else is irrelephant!
3
HaAaaAAaaY…..Happy Birthday!
Birthdays are good for your health! Studies show people who have more birthdays live longer.
Smoochies from Donald! On your birthday!!!
Happy birthday! It’s like your very own Christmas!
10 Beautiful Happy Birthday Meme For Her
Happy birthday, girl! I’d kill a zombie for you any day. “KISS”-“KISS”
Happy birthday! Pretty lady.
Remember, age gets better with wine. Happy birthday!
Hello, It’s me. Happy birthday!
Happy birthday! Pretty lady.
Time to wake and bake! A cake for my wife’s birthday.
Happy birthday, princess! You look almost as good as I do.
I left my pregnant wife! A Happy birthday card! 😛
Oh Guurl! Happy birthday!
Happy birthday gorgeous! May your birthday cake be moist!
9 Top Happy Birthday Meme For Him
OMG! It’s your birthday!
Bravo! You’re an otter year older.
Well, it’s your birthday! …again 😛
Alright Alright Alright….Happy birthday!
Happy birthday…You Secy Beast!
Happy birthday! My pretty.
Happy birthday, you sexy beast!
Ask not what this birthday party can do for you! Ask what you can do for this party, you lazy scum!
Blow the candle!…and the foam, 😛 Happy birthday!
24 Best Happy Birthday Meme Dog
I’m actually allergic to chocolate!
Let’s get this overwith. Happy birthday to me!
Happy birthday cupcake is happy!!! Happy birthday!!!
Happy birthday! The roof is on fire.
Party till your tongue hangs out!
Happy birthday. Sorry I missed it. Love you!
I wish for lots of treats and belly rubs!
Hello! Yeah this is dog, I wanted to wich you a happy birthday!
Happy birthday! Here’s something to wear that makes it impossible to lick yourself.
Happy birthday! Duuude……
Party Hard!
Hey you! Happy birthday.
Happy birthday doi! Can I have some cake too?
So…I heard it’s your birthday!
Happy birthday! Must you have!
Happy birthday!
Smile! It’s your birthday!
I would say” Happy Birthday” But that’s too mainstream. Feliz Cumpleanos!!!
Happy birthday!
I made you a birthday cake….But I eated it!
Smile, it’s your birthday!
Hmm, I do say, Happy Birthday!
Ermahgerd! Happy Birthday!
I just wanted to eat. But you lit my food on fire!
8 Top Happy Birthday Meme Friend
Remembered Friend’s Birthday! Without Facebook!
Yo dawg, I heard you like happy birthdays! So I decided to say happy birthday on your birthday so you can be happy on your birthday!
Happy birthday! Y U No Drunk Yet?!?
Your birthday it is. Celebrate you must!
Glad you’re part of my wolfpack! Happy birthday!
Happy birthday! I was going to drink anyway.
Smile! It’s your birthday!
Smart, good looking and funny! But enough about me. Happy Birthday!
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I want to wish you a very happy birthday. Just so you know…I love cake…!!!
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Father: So how do you feel on your special day? Son: Older. Father: You’re right, happy birthday!
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--supersonicFoxtrot [SF] began pestering primadonnaTartuffe [PT]--
SF: >Yo!!!<
SF: >sup online party gurl<
PT: oh haaaay.
PT: not much im just winding down for family festivities.
SF: >o right its human egg day or sumthing<
SF: >rite?<
PT: right you are.
PT: the eggman has risen on this day.
PT: my boyfriends dad always makes a big deal out of holidays so i crashed that affair.
SF: >lmaooo<
SF: >noice<
SF: >i got to say egg rising man day is so confusing sounding culturally<
SF: >sounds like ur celebrating massive birthdays<
SF: >or troll babies<
PT: no you see this is the time of year we celebrate dr robotik aka eggman well known nemesis of sonic the hedgehog.
SF: >who now wut face?<
PT: dont be so fucking insensitive towards my culture.
SF: >ur human customs are WEIRD ryanne<
PT: is it WEIRD to paint eggs with your sonic ocs???
SF: >um yah<
SF: >why do u want to paint EGGS<
SF: >when u can eat them<
PT: why not both?
SF: >do u do both?<
PT: YEAH. painting them doesnt make them inedible.
SF: >o well shit<
SF: >pfft well I hope u ate a lot of eggs<
PT: im just FULL of eggs.
SF: >pfftt<
SF: >so full of eggs u might as well be<
SF: >a mother grub<
PT: thats me. one big elegant mama.
SF: >snrk<
SF: >beautiful<
SF: >I guess tho cus of ur human holiday<
SF: >u aren't around to hang out<
PT: eh well me and my folks came home.
PT: i could sneak away for the rest of the evening.
SF: >OvO<
SF: >lets sneak out and party<
PT: yeah buddy.
PT: where you wanna meet?
SF: >I'm fine meeting wherever<
SF: >but how bout the park near the skaianet buildin<
PT: ah yes i know it well.
PT: ill be right there.
SF: >sweeet<
SF: >catch u there<
NELLIE: -Whenever Ryan shows up there in the future, Nellie is already in the dimly lit park.-
NELLIE: -He's trying hand stands on his hoverboard like a dorkus.-
RYAN: -wanders over, hands in the pockets of her hoodie. when she sees this goofy boy, she snorts.- ohhh wow im so impressed.
NELLIE: -He doesnt hear her and she goes unnoticed until his hover board pivots around so hes facing her and then he startles a little. Enough to fall off his board and flop to the ground right on his ass.- OOF!
NELLIE: Oh. Hai, Ryanne.
NELLIE: -Snrks and hoists himself back up onto his feet to dust himself off.-
RYAN: -grins- hey.
RYAN: didnt know you were a boarder.
RYAN: can i see it?
NELLIE: Pfft. Yah I've picked it up over the last few years. -Snatches the board out of the air and then offers it to her.-
NELLIE: Yuh know how to stand on one?
RYAN: yeah sure. i used to steal my brothers all the time. -takes it and lies it down in front of her before she starts to climb up on it.-
RYAN: -wobbles- ohhh shit. its been a while tho haha.
NELLIE: -Watches her wobble and snickers.- Here want a hand?
NELLIE: -offers his hand out and goes to stand next to the board.- Just dont go tuh high or yuh will either fall off or drag me up hehe.
RYAN: -places her hand in his just to balance herself- lol i would consider the latter but im not strong enough to lift you. so wed have double trouble there.
RYAN: -lifts off the ground and takes her hand with her so she can zip around a little. she definitely seems competent with this thing. suddenly she's having flashbacks to dirk teaching her how to use a hover board...-
NELLIE: -Good! That she doesnt fall anyways.- There yuh go!
NELLIE: Yuh got this gurl. -Makes sure to stay as her balance point.- Yuh have got the hang of this.
RYAN: hell YEAH i do!! PCHOOOO.
RYAN: -but she gets bored right away, slowing to a stop. she stays hovering there for a moment though.-
RYAN: so what were you thinking about partying?
NELLIE: Hmm!
NELLIE: Well we culd do a lot of things.
NELLIE: We culd go out. There are clubs and bars and stuff still open. Or we culd hang out here sum more. Or go anywhere.
NELLIE: -Grins at her.- Partying is sub ject uv.
RYAN: -thousand yard stare. teetering back and forth on this board.- i wanna go to a club... -kind of trails off like there's an implied BUT-
NELLIE: -Raises a brow at her implied but.-
NELLIE: Well oh kay then lets go tuh one ell oh ell!
RYAN: ...
RYAN: ...
RYAN: yeah alright. -she tells herself she won't drink, she'll just dance.-
RYAN: -hops off the hover board.-
NELLIE: -Well there are other things to do at clubs besides drink.-
NELLIE: -Anyways the moment Ryan hops off is when Nellie hops up and mounts his board before once more offering her a hand.- Here cum on up. Dunt worry I can balance us both, and its faster tuh get tuh this place I know.
RYAN: well up i go again. -takes his hand and hikes back up onto the board.- where we headed? i probably know it.
NELLIE: I like this place called The Aquarium. Its gut all those surfaces that are really fish tanks. Its batt shit awe sum!
NELLIE: Oh kay suh hold ontuh me so yuh dont go flying off. Oh and once we start moving I wont be able tuh keep reading yur lips cus I'll be focusing ahead. if yuh need sumthing just tap me, oh kay? -Once she is up and steady, Nellie kicks them off and they start zooming through the air at high speeds. Its only because he has a passenger that Nellie wont show off and do flips.-
RYAN: -read her lips? HE WAS DEAF THIS WHOLE TIME AND DIDN'T TELL HER? wow. incredible. except she doesn't even care. she holds onto him with one arm and waves an ok hand :ok_hand: in his face before they take off.-
NELLIE: -He forgets to tell people Ryan. Nellie used to advertise it more but over the years he has gotten so used to reading lips and speaking without sign language that it just slips his mind most of the time. Also he doesnt see why it would matter either.-
NELLIE: -Thanks to his speedy flight skills, they arrive outside the club before too long. Nellie slowly lowers the board closer to the ground so they can hop off.- Ladies first.
RYAN: oh thank you. :yum: -plops onto her feet and steps away fro mthe board to give him room, also to approach the building. she's definitely familiar with it. if she recalls correctly, it was fairly new before she left skaia. but maybe she's thinking of something else. her memory of that time is pretty hazy at this point.
NELLIE: -Once Ryan is safely at a distance Nellie dismounts his board and before he hits the ground he stores it back into his sylladex. How cool is he? Not at all...-
NELLIE: Oh kay suh we heading straight in? -Offers Ryan his arm.-
RYAN: -was he being cool? she didn't even see because she zoned out, but her attention snaps back to him when he speaks. it takes a moment to register the question and the arm being offered to her, but she loops hers in his and nods.-
RYAN: lets do this shit.
NELLIE: -Aww thats okay, she will get other chances to see him try and be cool later.-
NELLIE: -Maybe.-
NELLIE: Hell yah. -He is going to walk her up to the doorman, they dont even have to wait in line too long and as long as they both flash their IDs (Nellie will cover the entrance fee for Ryan) they get in without any hassle.-
NELLIE: -Inside the club music is pounding, people are crowded on the dance floor which is see through into a large tank filled with all sorts of strange and wondrous sea life, and there are drink servers dressed in dazzling mermaid themes. There are cocktail menus based on shipwrecks and tropical fish, and the several bars placed around the club and each one features tanks of different species of small critter, from colorful nudibranchs to hue flashing cuttlefish. Its an all over kind of ridiculous venue.-
RYAN: -yeeees. she is all about this aesthetic and that bass is already infecting her, getting her pumped up and bringing her right back to the frequent evenings she spent in clubs just like this one.-
RYAN: -bobs and shimmies into the crowd, dragging nellie with her. she'll make her way to the bar eventually, but first she has to dance her way through all these people. and sing along to the music playing, of course. she turns towards nellie to dance at him. GET IN ON THIS BRO.-
NELLIE: -Now it is his turn to be led. Nellie laughs as Ryan pulls him into the crowds after her, and when she starts to dance he is only a little hesitant to join her. Usually he is not a big dancing person given that he has a hard time noticing rhythm, but clubs like these always blast the music hard enough that he can physically feel the beat and thats why he likes this place.-
NELLIE: -He is going to gently hip check Ryan, watching her sing but hardly being able to make sense of it anyways.- Heheh!
RYAN: -she's a firm believer that you don't need to have rhythm to dance... you just need it to be GOOD. and being good ain't what dancing is about.- oohp! -laughs and bumps him back with her big butt. then falls into a butt bumping rhythm.-
NELLIE: -Good thing its not about being good because hes really not. But he can butt bump! And he will keep it going so long as she does.-
NELLIE: Oh kay suh yuh can ride a hover board and dance?? Daaayyyuuummm!!
RYAN: im skilled in all sorts of things. -snickers and starts wiggling her way in the direction of the bar. mimes throwing a lasso at him and pulling him in to follow.-
NELLIE: Um I bettah get tuh see the rest of these things then. -Yes please guide him around. Truth be told its great to just follow around a strong personality person sometimes, and Ryan fits this criteria for him.-
NELLIE: -Hes going to slide up to the bar next to her tough and start looking over drinks.-
NELLIE: Wuts yur poison?
RYAN: -it's ALL poison.- mmm... -it's a little overwhelming since she hasn't really been to a club where she can order GOOD drinks in a while. she's mostly been dipping into the hard lemonades when she's feeling weak.-
RYAN: ill take a blushing margarita first off.
NELLIE: Blushing marga rida? -He hasn't heard of that one before, but hey learn something knew each time you go to the bar. Hes going to flag down the bar tender for the both of them and order her one, and a screwdriver for himself.-
NELLIE: -They are quickly prepared and placed in front of the two of them on little anchor themed coasters. Nellie sips his the moment is ready and turns to chin hand at Ryan.- What do yuh think of this place so far?
RYAN: -SCHLOOORP.- i think its the bees fucking knees my dude.
RYAN: i was right tho... ive been here before. its just been a while.
NELLIE: Yah? How cum? Yuh got another place yuh like tuh go tuh now?
NELLIE: This is my personal fave I think.
NELLIE: I really like watching all the fish ell oh ell. -He snickers and sips more of his drink.-
RYAN: mmm. well...
RYAN: last time i was here it was before i moved.
RYAN: see i moved from skaia to lopan for a while.
RYAN: but i ended up comin back a few months ago. and uh... i havent done much social drinking since then. -says this guiltily... but nothing she can't drown down.-
NELLIE: -Dont worry Ryan he isnt going to pry. Nellie is a strong believer in leaving the past in the past.-
NELLIE: Aww well thanks for cuming out with me tuhnight if its not usually yur thing.
NELLIE: Also well come back tuh skaia!
NELLIE: Consider this yur late homecoming.
RYAN: thanks man. -yeah... she's definitely not gonna elaborate if he doesn't ask. sips this drink.-
RYAN: maybe ill join ya from now on if you frequent this place.
NELLIE: Um Im all abut that?
NELLIE: Im always looking for new pals tuh hangout with. -Gives her a fangy grin.-
NELLIE: I dunt always go here though. I also dunt mind partying in the cumforts of hive yuh know?
RYAN: yeah dude thats got its merits too.
RYAN: if you wanna low key kinda party. which isnt always my thing necessarily... im a go big or go home kinda gal.
RYAN: ... -sips- a bad analogy. but you get what i mean.
NELLIE: -Raises a brow at her.- Yah?
NELLIE: Sounds like yuh know how tuh have a gud time. Got tuh say its been a while since I've intentionally gone hard at anything.
NELLIE: I kinda am used tuh coasting over a long period of time.
RYAN: hahah thats probably smarter anyways.
RYAN: but what the fuck is moderation i ask.
NELLIE: A suggestion probubly?
NELLIE: At least thats how I take it.
NELLIE: Treat yurself yuh know.
RYAN: -laughs a little about that. hoo boy... that's some shitty piece of advice right there, but she really is not equipped to argue with it. not when deep down it's something she agrees with anyways.-
RYAN: darn fucking tootin. -downs this drink and flags the bar tender over for another. it begins.-
NELLIE: -Oh shit, she finished that quick. Nellie doesn't want to seem like a light weight to his new club buddy, so of course as Ryan flags down the bar tender he swings back the last of his vodka and orange juice in one go so he can get another and they can be even.- (Shiiiit.)
NELLIE: Oh kay Ryanne we should like.
NELLIE: Yuh should tell me more about yuh. Or wait like. We culd play a game like tuh lies one truth.
NELLIE: Or whutever its called hahah.
NELLIE: I want tuh know more about yuh.
RYAN: oooo i love games like that.
RYAN: let me think. :thinking: -grabs her new drink and sips thoughtfully.-
RYAN: ok i got it.
RYAN: my mom is a famous musician. :microphone:
RYAN: this isnt my natural eye color. :eye:
RYAN: ive never ridden a horse before. :horse:
NELLIE: OOooooohh oh kay, oh kay um.
NELLIE: -Squints at her as he thinks.- Yuh said yuh sing. And yuh can dance... suh the mom thing might be true...
NELLIE: Im pretty sure thats yur eye color...
NELLIE: Nuh, I'm going tuh say yuh have never ridden a horse befur.
RYAN: ding dong you are wrong.
RYAN: my mom IS famous. you ever heard of robyn saint?
NELLIE: -Dramatic gasp.-
NELLIE: The Rob bin saint?????
NELLIE: ....pfft nuh, I'm not really a big music guy.
RYAN: wow i cant imagine WHY.
RYAN: shes kind of niche anyway so im not surprised when people havent heard of her. plus she hasnt been super active for a while... kind of a moldy oldie lmao.
RYAN: anyways ive DEF ridden a horse before.
RYAN: my big brother used to take a bunch of us kids in the family to horse ranches because hes like unhealthily obsessed with horses.
NELLIE: Hahah wow.
NELLIE: I saw a horse like. Once.
NELLIE: -Finishes his second drink and places the glass down on the bar with a pleasant sigh.-
NELLIE: Oh kay suh my turn then? Hmm.
NELLIE: I graduated wuth a degree in arow-dinamics.
NELLIE: Ive never been ahrested.
NELLIE: I'm lactose intollerint.
RYAN: ooooo tough... :thinking:
RYAN: im gonna say you got an aerodynamics degree.
RYAN: becaaause i choose to believe theres a fun story behind you getting arrested and also that you dont suffer from an affliction as terrible as lactose intolerance.
NELLIE: NUPE!
NELLIE: I cant touch cheez without suffuring. And also I never finished school feeding ell em ay oh. -He snickers.-
RYAN: damn!! thats the saddest thing that ever got said.
RYAN: the cheese thing... ive never gotten proper schooling either haha.
RYAN: :eyes: but you have been arrested?
NELLIE: Yahhh it sucks majer bulge.... Still doesnt stahp me from eating it though.
NELLIE: -Orders himself a third screw driver.- And eyup.
NELLIE: I went tuh jail for like a month tuh. It wus a real long time ago.
NELLIE: Yuh are technically looking at a reformed felon.
Sari-04/18/2017
RYAN: :scream:
RYAN: can i ask what you did?
NELLIE: Heh well...
NELLIE: -Sips more drank.-
NELLIE: Mostly shop lifting.
RYAN: oooo mostly. i cant believe im fraternizing with a deliquent. -snickers-
RYAN: ol sticky fingers nellie.
NELLIE: Hahaha yuh thats me.
NELLIE: I wus a thief. -Among other things...-
NELLIE: Now I just fly ships and get high on thuh weekends.
RYAN: takes breaks from flying high to fly high. sounds like a good life to me.
RYAN: im still... between careers lol. i think i mentioned that. i cant remember.
NELLIE: Yuh might of but I didnt remember either though haha.
NELLIE: Thats oh kay though.
NELLIE: -Taps his fingers on the bar.- Hmm.
NELLIE: Also like.
NELLIE: If its a gud life yuh want to try. Its still kind of the week end?
RYAN: ... -I shouldn't, I really really shouldn't. she keeps telling herself that.-
RYAN: i mean i aint about to deny the invitation.
NELLIE: -He is grinning more now and straightens himself up.- Well shit.
NELLIE: Then like. I've gut stuff at my place? Yuh know anything about Wish?
RYAN: -finishes up THIS drink quickly too.- sure ive heard of it.
RYAN: never tried it before tho.
NELLIE: -:eyes:-
NELLIE: Duh yuh want tuh?
NELLIE: I'm a little new tuh it tuh but.
NELLIE: I like it. A friend shared it with me suh its only right i give the same chance tuh another.
RYAN: sharing is caring after all...
RYAN: lets do it.
NELLIE: It shure as hell is. -He winks back and then slides the bar tender money for the drinks they've had so far.-
NELLIE: We culd head there now, or keep hanging out here for a while more but.
NELLIE: If we duh stay here I'm cutting mahself off suh I can still fly us back safe.
NELLIE: Its up tuh yuh, Ryanne.
RYAN: hmmmm.
RYAN: eh we can split. im feeling a little crowded anyways.
NELLIE: Well in that cayse. -He stands up from the barstool and offers Ryan his arm.-
NELLIE: Can I escort yuh out, buddy?
RYAN: -slides off and loops arms with him once again.- such a gentleman.
NELLIE: I try. Cunsider it making up for being an ex con.
NELLIE: -He is going to lead her through the crowds and out the nearest exit then. When they get back outside into the fresh night air Nellie decaptchalogs his board again and once more will help Ryan up onto it with him. He's not too wobbly despite having three drinks in him.- I'm fifteen minnuts from here, suh same rules as last time tap if yuh need somethin!
RYAN: -she's feeling a little woozy after getting onto her feet, which is strange to her. her tolerance used to be much higher but then again she's been sober for like 9 months now. she nods in understanding, clambering up onto the board with him.-
RYAN: right right i got you.
NELLIE: Oh kay then hold on tight! -Once he says that Nellie is zooming up into the night sky. He goes pretty fast, but stays in control the whole time. Zipping through the air on a hoverboard is like second nature to him after all these years.-
NELLIE: -They arrive at his apartment building in the time that was promised. More specifically they arrive on the roof and Nellie leads Ryan down a set of fire escapes after tucking away his hoverboard again. After that he just slides open the window to the livingroom and presto!- Heh, hivestem sweet hivestem.
NELLIE: -He slides on in and then will give Ryan a hand if she needs help getting in.- Pretty sure mah roommate is out until wednesday but if yuh feel like sumthing is watching yuh thats probubly her ell oh ell.
NELLIE: -The place isnt too fancy. But its got a decent kitchen, and furniture. There is one full bathroom and two bedrooms that branch off from the living room.-
RYAN: -thanks for the help friendo. she slips inside, pointedly ignoring the gut feeling she has that this whole situation is wrong and she should know better. she doesn't even know nellie that well, and yet she's throwing caution to the wind and accepting drugs from an acquaintance someplace she's unfamiliar with. just like the good old days...-
RYAN: its cool im always down to be watched.
RYAN: -distracts herself from her inner turmoil by wandering around the place, inspecting anything and everything there is to look at.-
NELLIE: -Its a nice place! Its well lit and there are video games and movies on the shelf by the tv. The couch is covered with strewn blankets (Whoops he didnt know he'd have company) but overall its pretty homey.- Oh kay yuh chill out for two seconds I'm going tuh get the stuff. Bee are bee.
NELLIE: -He waves her towards the sitting area and she can sit on the couch or the arm chair near the coffee table. Nellie slips towards one of the back rooms, and when he comes bag he has an old fiduspawn card tin in his hands.-
RYAN: -flops onto the couch and makes herself cozy, looking around until he returns.- oh shit is it time to duel?
NELLIE: -The blankets are very cozy, soft and clean smelling if she wants to get super comfy.- Heh, yah always??
NELLIE: -Sits himself on the floor and puts the tin on the coffee table before opening it. Inside is a collection of weed, cigarettes, a nasal spray bottle, and then a bunch of these strange body patches.-
NELLIE: -He takes out the bottle and a patch.- Oh kay suh yuh have got options here. I never used this spray but its a more direct and faster high? Suh yuh can use it if yuh want. Im a fan of these though. -Holds up the patch.-
NELLIE: It melts intuh yur skin over time suh its a longer lasting high.
RYAN: hmm... -considers her options carefully.-
RYAN: okay like.
RYAN: its not gonna kill me if i take a shot of this and then slap on a patch is it?
RYAN: im talking immediate health risks. im well beyond the long term kind.
NELLIE: Proububly not? I mean I did tuh patches at once this one time.
NELLIE: But yuh are going tuh feel that shit pfft.
NELLIE: Its kind of a high like weed. But more in the front of yur pan if yuh get that?
NELLIE: Makes shit heavy and light at the same time. Warms yuh up.
RYAN: oh okay that doesnt sound so bad.
RYAN: -grabs that nasal spray.- gonna get me a WHIFF. -examines this bottle to assess how it's used before she does the honors. WHOOF. she seems a little surprised, blinking and shaking her head after it tickles up her nose.-
RYAN: alright alright. now slap me with one of those thingers. i dunno where the ideal place to stick it is.
NELLIE: -Watches her figure out the spray and snickers a little as he hands her a patch.- Peel off the back first. And I like tuh put them on the small of mah back.
NELLIE: Or shoulder. -He takes a patch for himself, peels off the back and lifts his shirt and sticks it on the skin of his shoulder. Nellie then rubs the patch just to warm it up faster so his body can absorb it sooner.-
RYAN: -peels off the back of the patch and lifts up her shirt around her middle, slapping it onto her back. depending on where he's sitting, he might catch a glimpse of the tattoo covering almost all of her back when she leans over.-
RYAN: cool. now the party can truly begin.
NELLIE: Hehe hell yah. Let me know if yuh want snacks or sumthing tuh? Ive got stuff tuh munch on.
NELLIE: -He just catches the sight of her tat out of the corner of his eye and he leans a little to try and see more of it.- Oooh.
NELLIE: Thats sick looking? Yur tattoo.
RYAN: oh yeah. let me give you the full experience. -lifts her the back of her shirt up higher since it goes all the way up to her shoulder blades. a beautiful blue and pink peacock tattoo stretches over the expanse of her skin.-
RYAN: okay its not the full experience because otherwise id be flashing my ass at you.
NELLIE: Pfft. Well thanks. -But still :eyes: all over the designs.- Wow.
NELLIE: Nuh seriously thats sum amazing werk.April 20, 2017
RYAN: right? theyve got some killer tattoo artists on lopan.
RYAN: you ever go there much? i bet youd be into that scene.
NELLIE: -Shakes his head.- Nahh. But now it's on my list ell oh ell.
NELLIE: Whut kind of place is it?
RYAN: shit dude its like the night life planet.
RYAN: great for partying. great for artsy folk. but thats in the cities.
RYAN: in the desert its junker city like its star wars or some shit.
NELLIE: Wait junkers? Whut can yuh buy parts out there? -Hes all about old ship junk.-
NELLIE: If suh then yah this seems like a place I need tuh guh tuh ay ess ay pee.
RYAN: -smirks and nods- yeah exactly like that.
RYAN: makes sense. most of you space truckers are into that it seems like. -tilts her head, resting it on her hand and equilibrium seems thrown off so suddenly she almost falls over to the side. whoa there. guess this shit is kicking in and she's got lead in her head, but it must be the airiness keeping her upright..-
RYAN: im feeling it mister krabs.
NELLIE: -Ryan please do not fall over, he would feel real bad if you did.- Oh em gee.
NELLIE: Well take it easy oh kay? -His is a slower building high, but Nellie can really start to feel his body warm up as the drugs are absorbed into his system.- Ahh its the shit though rite?
RYAN: its real nice dude... im starting to chill way the fuck out now. hahaha. -passes a hand through her hair.-
RYAN: you said something about snacks?
NELLIE: I probubly did.
NELLIE: Yuh like popcorn. Chips?
RYAN: why not both?
0 notes
53 Tweets That Sum Up Life With 3-Year-Olds
Three-year-olds are a pretty notorious subset of the kid population.
Between the mood swings, penchant for chaos and destruction, and general toddler angst, it’s clear they don’t call ‘em “threenagers” for nothing. For parents in the throes of this infamous stage, laughter may be the best therapy. And thanks to Twitter, parents can share the comedy with each other.
Here are 53 hilarious tweets that sum up life with 3-year-olds.
I was just enviously admiring the energy and flexibility of a 3yo and then he kneed himself in the face.
— Charlie N Andy (@HowToBeADad) April 27, 2016
My 3yo found my Chapstick and now I live in a wax museum.
— Toni Hammer (@realtonihammer) June 21, 2016
3-year-old: Can we have a birthday cake?
Me: It's not your birthday.
3: The cake won't know.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 25, 2016
Spending the majority of the day deciding whether or not I have to pee is one of the things my 3 year old and I have in common.
— Kristen Bell (@IMKristenBell) May 22, 2016
My 3 year old told the doctor that she liked eating her vegetables.
And the academy award goes to....
— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) March 31, 2016
I'm at my most hostage negotiator when I see my 3 year old holding a permanent marker without the lid.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 21, 2014
"Dad, why isn't there chocolate meatloaf?" - my brilliant 3 year old son Patrick
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) July 17, 2016
Pretty exhausting day. My 3 year old was firing questions at me faster than I could Google the answers to them.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) March 13, 2014
My 3yo when I tell him it's time to take a shower. http://pic.twitter.com/HzEhGth7j9
— keith (@tchrquotes) August 15, 2016
Just overheard my 3yo son with iPad in his room ask Siri, "Why do boys have to wear underwear?"
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) May 30, 2016
Made my 3yo a cheese sandwich which he refused because "the cheesy part is yucky."
His lunch request? A cheese stick.
*Pours wine*
— MaryWiddicks (@MaryWiddicks) August 25, 2016
A quick way to get a 3yo to tell you where they hid their popsicle is to put them on the monkey bars & threaten to leave if they don't talk.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) November 15, 2016
[youth sports sign-ups]
Me: Do you want to play tee-ball or soccer?
3-year-old: The one where I get to kick people.
She’ll be a natural.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 24, 2016
Running through Target. I tell kids repeatedly :don't touch anything! Mins later, 3 year old at top of lungs: "I'M TOUCHING MYSELF!" Nice.
— Holly (@normancallme) January 13, 2013
Fact: A 3 year old can hear a candy wrapper being opened from up to 300 miles away.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) March 8, 2014
Is it wrong to laugh when your 3yo is stuck in her clothes while trying to dress herself?
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) July 15, 2015
Sometimes when my 3yo hugs me out of nowhere it's amazing and it makes it all worth it. Sometimes he's just wiping his snot on my shirt.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) September 5, 2014
You wanna know how my evening is going?
My 3-year-old just kissed my head and threw a tantrum because I don't taste like chocolate.
— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) July 28, 2016
My 3 year old got himself stuck in an infant bouncy seat and my first reaction was - well, I guess this is our afternoon activity.
— mama bird diaries (@mamabirddiaries) August 1, 2016
If you want to know what an apple slice on the floor under this McDonalds table tastes like, ask my 3 year-old son.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) April 25, 2015
Anyone want a 3-year-old? He doesn't listen much but he can fart on demand. #momlife
— Jennifer Borget (@JenniferBorget) December 27, 2016
"Sorry we're late but my 3 year old wanted to put on their own shoes today." - Valid Excuse #64 that parents can use on a daily basis
— Beau Coffron (@lunchboxdad) November 23, 2016
911: What's your emergency?
3yo: There's a stem on my apple.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) February 22, 2015
I'm the parent of the day at my 3-year-old's preschool, where affection can be won with a bag of Pirate Booty.
— Jennifer Weiner (@jenniferweiner) January 5, 2011
Aunt: "I think your beard looks handsome."
3yo (walking by): "I don't."
Oh.
— ReasonsMySonIsCrying (@ReasonsMySonCry) June 22, 2015
People who describe themselves as "laid back" have never been stuck in an elevator with a 3yo who's determined to hit the alarm button.
— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) November 6, 2015
When Bea was 3:
3yo: I love u the mostest.
Me: I love u my tiniest baby.
3yo: I love u my oldest Mommy. My fossil Mom. You are a fossil.
— kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) October 24, 2016
"Wow, Dad, you had two beers and then ANOTHER ONE?!"
- My 3yo, auditioning for a new family.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) August 2, 2014
My 3-year-old hugged me out of the blue and said, "I love you, Dad."
If you need me, I'll be searching the house for whatever she broke.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 2, 2016
Me: What are you painting?
3yo: A rainbow.
Me: No, I mean LOOK at what you’re painting!
3yo: The couch? I'm making it pretty!
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) December 14, 2016
Was enjoying listening to my 3yo sing Christmas carols in the bathroom until he yelled, “Mom! Come wipe my butt!”
— Heather Spohr (@mamaspohr) December 6, 2016
Me: "Who should I vote for?"
3yo: "Candy because I like candy."
.... and just like that, democracy is explained.
— ReasonsMySonIsCrying (@ReasonsMySonCry) November 4, 2014
In case you're wondering how my 3yo's education is going. He just listed the days as: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Saturday, and Christmas.
— MaryWiddicks (@MaryWiddicks) August 28, 2016
My 3yo refers to every single thing that happens as "crazy!" so he's gonna be REALLY ANNOYING the first few times he gets high.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) August 22, 2014
Sorry I can't join u for a spa pedicure. I just had one yesterday.
*cut to my 3yo spraying my foot w/a squirt gun filled with toilet water*
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) May 26, 2015
That moment when your 3yo touches the inside of a public urinal and you consider cutting her hand off with a plastic knife in your backpack.
— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) October 1, 2016
3yo thinks cuddling in the morning requires wrapping her whole body around my head and coughing in my face.
It's SUPER relaxing.
— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) December 15, 2016
Me: "How was your day today?"
3yo: "I had a BAD DAY."
Me: "Oh no! It seemed like a great day, why was it bad?"
3yo: "I DIDN'T HAVE ANY PIE."
— ReasonsMySonIsCrying (@ReasonsMySonCry) June 26, 2015
Just yelled at my 3yo to go to bed and now I can hear her in the dark playing the harmonica.
— Jeff Wild (@jiffywild) October 8, 2016
I don’t think anyone can remember being 3yrs old. Case in point: My 3yo can't even remember I told him one sec ago to "Get down from there!"
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) August 20, 2015
3yo screams from bathroom: "Mama I have poop on my butt and come look at it in the toilet". <--- this is the sound of #motherhood #momlife
— Mama instincts (@MamaInstincts) January 3, 2017
My 3-year-old just showed me a boo boo on his rear and insisted I kiss it. #momlife
— Jennifer Borget (@JenniferBorget) June 24, 2016
"My kids have no control over me," I say as I pick out only the T-Rex-shaped chicken nuggets for my 3yo's dinner.
— Toni Hammer (@realtonihammer) October 27, 2016
[reading]
Me: The big bad wolf couldn't get in. The house was made of brick
3-year-old: Couldn't he break a window?
I'm raising a burglar
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 5, 2016
Difference in traveling w/ 3yo vs when he was 1.5? Says things like: "Is it going to be loud in the plane? I think I'm gonna cry in there."
— Nicole Blades (@NicoleBlades) June 21, 2012
I am my 3yo's absolute favorite person in the entire world. Unless his mother is around.
Then, I'm a piece of human garbage.
— Dave Lesser (@AmateurIdiot) July 6, 2015
This morning I was listing breakfast options and my 3yo goes "Hm, toast. I guess I cld try that" like he's a prince and its a rare delicacy
— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) April 12, 2015
If the Dad Olympics had an event for styling a 3yo girl's hair while she runs across the room screaming, I'd like my chances to get a medal.
— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) November 1, 2016
Having a 3yo daughter means washing piles of clothes because you have no idea what she actually wore that day after 50 outfit changes.
— Court (@Discourt) November 11, 2015
My 3 year old's interpretation of common phrase her dad & I use is "geez crisis" & I'm thinking her version is better
— Molly Erdman (@erdmanmolly) November 26, 2016
My 3yo has never seen Seinfeld, but he still manages to enter rooms every time like Kramer.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) November 26, 2016
There are moms who are potty training their 6 week olds. I'm trying to figure out if my 3yo ate an Oreo for breakfast or swept the chimney.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) September 10, 2015
I think my 3 year old is trying to make me disappear.
She keeps walking past me saying "Bippety Boppity Boo!"
— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) June 15, 2015
-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
from http://ift.tt/2ialhsT
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53 Tweets That Sum Up Life With 3-Year-Olds
Three-year-olds are a pretty notorious subset of the kid population.
Between the mood swings, penchant for chaos and destruction, and general toddler angst, it’s clear they don’t call ‘em “threenagers” for nothing. For parents in the throes of this infamous stage, laughter may be the best therapy. And thanks to Twitter, parents can share the comedy with each other.
Here are 53 hilarious tweets that sum up life with 3-year-olds.
I was just enviously admiring the energy and flexibility of a 3yo and then he kneed himself in the face.
— Charlie N Andy (@HowToBeADad) April 27, 2016
My 3yo found my Chapstick and now I live in a wax museum.
— Toni Hammer (@realtonihammer) June 21, 2016
3-year-old: Can we have a birthday cake?
Me: It's not your birthday.
3: The cake won't know.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 25, 2016
Spending the majority of the day deciding whether or not I have to pee is one of the things my 3 year old and I have in common.
— Kristen Bell (@IMKristenBell) May 22, 2016
My 3 year old told the doctor that she liked eating her vegetables.
And the academy award goes to....
— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) March 31, 2016
I'm at my most hostage negotiator when I see my 3 year old holding a permanent marker without the lid.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 21, 2014
"Dad, why isn't there chocolate meatloaf?" - my brilliant 3 year old son Patrick
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) July 17, 2016
Pretty exhausting day. My 3 year old was firing questions at me faster than I could Google the answers to them.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) March 13, 2014
My 3yo when I tell him it's time to take a shower. http://pic.twitter.com/HzEhGth7j9
— keith (@tchrquotes) August 15, 2016
Just overheard my 3yo son with iPad in his room ask Siri, "Why do boys have to wear underwear?"
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) May 30, 2016
Made my 3yo a cheese sandwich which he refused because "the cheesy part is yucky."
His lunch request? A cheese stick.
*Pours wine*
— MaryWiddicks (@MaryWiddicks) August 25, 2016
A quick way to get a 3yo to tell you where they hid their popsicle is to put them on the monkey bars & threaten to leave if they don't talk.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) November 15, 2016
[youth sports sign-ups]
Me: Do you want to play tee-ball or soccer?
3-year-old: The one where I get to kick people.
She’ll be a natural.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 24, 2016
Running through Target. I tell kids repeatedly :don't touch anything! Mins later, 3 year old at top of lungs: "I'M TOUCHING MYSELF!" Nice.
— Holly (@normancallme) January 13, 2013
Fact: A 3 year old can hear a candy wrapper being opened from up to 300 miles away.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) March 8, 2014
Is it wrong to laugh when your 3yo is stuck in her clothes while trying to dress herself?
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) July 15, 2015
Sometimes when my 3yo hugs me out of nowhere it's amazing and it makes it all worth it. Sometimes he's just wiping his snot on my shirt.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) September 5, 2014
You wanna know how my evening is going?
My 3-year-old just kissed my head and threw a tantrum because I don't taste like chocolate.
— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) July 28, 2016
My 3 year old got himself stuck in an infant bouncy seat and my first reaction was - well, I guess this is our afternoon activity.
— mama bird diaries (@mamabirddiaries) August 1, 2016
If you want to know what an apple slice on the floor under this McDonalds table tastes like, ask my 3 year-old son.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) April 25, 2015
Anyone want a 3-year-old? He doesn't listen much but he can fart on demand. #momlife
— Jennifer Borget (@JenniferBorget) December 27, 2016
"Sorry we're late but my 3 year old wanted to put on their own shoes today." - Valid Excuse #64 that parents can use on a daily basis
— Beau Coffron (@lunchboxdad) November 23, 2016
911: What's your emergency?
3yo: There's a stem on my apple.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) February 22, 2015
I'm the parent of the day at my 3-year-old's preschool, where affection can be won with a bag of Pirate Booty.
— Jennifer Weiner (@jenniferweiner) January 5, 2011
Aunt: "I think your beard looks handsome."
3yo (walking by): "I don't."
Oh.
— ReasonsMySonIsCrying (@ReasonsMySonCry) June 22, 2015
People who describe themselves as "laid back" have never been stuck in an elevator with a 3yo who's determined to hit the alarm button.
— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) November 6, 2015
When Bea was 3:
3yo: I love u the mostest.
Me: I love u my tiniest baby.
3yo: I love u my oldest Mommy. My fossil Mom. You are a fossil.
— kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) October 24, 2016
"Wow, Dad, you had two beers and then ANOTHER ONE?!"
- My 3yo, auditioning for a new family.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) August 2, 2014
My 3-year-old hugged me out of the blue and said, "I love you, Dad."
If you need me, I'll be searching the house for whatever she broke.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 2, 2016
Me: What are you painting?
3yo: A rainbow.
Me: No, I mean LOOK at what you’re painting!
3yo: The couch? I'm making it pretty!
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) December 14, 2016
Was enjoying listening to my 3yo sing Christmas carols in the bathroom until he yelled, “Mom! Come wipe my butt!”
— Heather Spohr (@mamaspohr) December 6, 2016
Me: "Who should I vote for?"
3yo: "Candy because I like candy."
.... and just like that, democracy is explained.
— ReasonsMySonIsCrying (@ReasonsMySonCry) November 4, 2014
In case you're wondering how my 3yo's education is going. He just listed the days as: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Saturday, and Christmas.
— MaryWiddicks (@MaryWiddicks) August 28, 2016
My 3yo refers to every single thing that happens as "crazy!" so he's gonna be REALLY ANNOYING the first few times he gets high.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) August 22, 2014
Sorry I can't join u for a spa pedicure. I just had one yesterday.
*cut to my 3yo spraying my foot w/a squirt gun filled with toilet water*
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) May 26, 2015
That moment when your 3yo touches the inside of a public urinal and you consider cutting her hand off with a plastic knife in your backpack.
— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) October 1, 2016
3yo thinks cuddling in the morning requires wrapping her whole body around my head and coughing in my face.
It's SUPER relaxing.
— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) December 15, 2016
Me: "How was your day today?"
3yo: "I had a BAD DAY."
Me: "Oh no! It seemed like a great day, why was it bad?"
3yo: "I DIDN'T HAVE ANY PIE."
— ReasonsMySonIsCrying (@ReasonsMySonCry) June 26, 2015
Just yelled at my 3yo to go to bed and now I can hear her in the dark playing the harmonica.
— Jeff Wild (@jiffywild) October 8, 2016
I don’t think anyone can remember being 3yrs old. Case in point: My 3yo can't even remember I told him one sec ago to "Get down from there!"
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) August 20, 2015
3yo screams from bathroom: "Mama I have poop on my butt and come look at it in the toilet". <--- this is the sound of #motherhood #momlife
— Mama instincts (@MamaInstincts) January 3, 2017
My 3-year-old just showed me a boo boo on his rear and insisted I kiss it. #momlife
— Jennifer Borget (@JenniferBorget) June 24, 2016
"My kids have no control over me," I say as I pick out only the T-Rex-shaped chicken nuggets for my 3yo's dinner.
— Toni Hammer (@realtonihammer) October 27, 2016
[reading]
Me: The big bad wolf couldn't get in. The house was made of brick
3-year-old: Couldn't he break a window?
I'm raising a burglar
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 5, 2016
Difference in traveling w/ 3yo vs when he was 1.5? Says things like: "Is it going to be loud in the plane? I think I'm gonna cry in there."
— Nicole Blades (@NicoleBlades) June 21, 2012
I am my 3yo's absolute favorite person in the entire world. Unless his mother is around.
Then, I'm a piece of human garbage.
— Dave Lesser (@AmateurIdiot) July 6, 2015
This morning I was listing breakfast options and my 3yo goes "Hm, toast. I guess I cld try that" like he's a prince and its a rare delicacy
— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) April 12, 2015
If the Dad Olympics had an event for styling a 3yo girl's hair while she runs across the room screaming, I'd like my chances to get a medal.
— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) November 1, 2016
Having a 3yo daughter means washing piles of clothes because you have no idea what she actually wore that day after 50 outfit changes.
— Court (@Discourt) November 11, 2015
My 3 year old's interpretation of common phrase her dad & I use is "geez crisis" & I'm thinking her version is better
— Molly Erdman (@erdmanmolly) November 26, 2016
My 3yo has never seen Seinfeld, but he still manages to enter rooms every time like Kramer.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) November 26, 2016
There are moms who are potty training their 6 week olds. I'm trying to figure out if my 3yo ate an Oreo for breakfast or swept the chimney.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) September 10, 2015
I think my 3 year old is trying to make me disappear.
She keeps walking past me saying "Bippety Boppity Boo!"
— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) June 15, 2015
-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
from Healthy Living - The Huffington Post http://huff.to/2j2fnJm
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151 Best Happy Birthday Memes 2019 – Share with people around you
Best collection of Happy Birthday Memes! We have put together 151 best memes collection for you. That includes funny memes for friends, family and more. Check out our following table of content, to know more about the topics that we have covered here.
17 Best Happy Birthday Memes
Prepare yourself for the happy birthday memes!
Happy Birthday! Oooh look, candles! Is it someone’s Birthday?
OMG It’s your birthday!!!!
When Chuck Norris comes to your birthday party, you give him presents!
Happy Birthday from me and this cat!
I’ll make you an offer you can’t refuse! And an entire birthday cake!
Happy birthday! I hope it’s a real hoot!
And I will strike upon you, with birthday flowers!
Your face when they tell you, the correct number of candles on their birthday cake!
Happy birthday, have the time of your life!
Hmm, I do say, Happy Birthday!
Is your birthday? Happy times! High five!
Happy birthday, kick back like a boss!
Happy birthday, in 3..2..1
Obama wishes you a happy birthday! BOOM!
Happy birthday!
I know you had lots of birthday wishes yesterday, but who is thinking of you today? Me, that’s who. Happy Belated Birthday!
19 Hilariously Funny Happy Birthday Meme
Happy birthday! From one sexy beast to another!
Its your birthday, you has cake?
They didn’t make me a birthday meme. I didn’t call the fire brigade!
Can’t find a funny birthday meme! Still gets the sentiment across!
I just wanted to eat, but you lit my food on fire! 🙁
Nom Nom Nom…Noooo it are my birthday!
Happy birthday! Keep it classy…no wine from a box!
Happy birthday. I got you a cake! Some assembly required!
Happy birthday, dude! Duder, El-Duderino, Your Dudeness!!
It’s your birthday, I like to propose a toast!
Age is just a number. FALSE: Age is a word!
Mexican word of the day: IGUANA….IGUANA Wish you a happy birthday!
No happy birthday for you!…..Come back one year!!
Happy new ye…. Birthday, I mean happy birthday!
It’s your birthday….everything else is irrelephant!
3
HaAaaAAaaY…..Happy Birthday!
Birthdays are good for your health! Studies show people who have more birthdays live longer.
Smoochies from Donald! On your birthday!!!
Happy birthday! It’s like your very own Christmas!
10 Beautiful Happy Birthday Meme For Her
Happy birthday, girl! I’d kill a zombie for you any day. “KISS”-“KISS”
Happy birthday! Pretty lady.
Remember, age gets better with wine. Happy birthday!
Hello, It’s me. Happy birthday!
Happy birthday! Pretty lady.
Time to wake and bake! A cake for my wife’s birthday.
Happy birthday, princess! You look almost as good as I do.
I left my pregnant wife! A Happy birthday card! 😛
Oh Guurl! Happy birthday!
Happy birthday gorgeous! May your birthday cake be moist!
9 Top Happy Birthday Meme For Him
OMG! It’s your birthday!
Bravo! You’re an otter year older.
Well, it’s your birthday! …again 😛
Alright Alright Alright….Happy birthday!
Happy birthday…You Secy Beast!
Happy birthday! My pretty.
Happy birthday, you sexy beast!
Ask not what this birthday party can do for you! Ask what you can do for this party, you lazy scum!
Blow the candle!…and the foam, 😛 Happy birthday!
24 Best Happy Birthday Meme Dog
I’m actually allergic to chocolate!
Let’s get this overwith. Happy birthday to me!
Happy birthday cupcake is happy!!! Happy birthday!!!
Happy birthday! The roof is on fire.
Party till your tongue hangs out!
Happy birthday. Sorry I missed it. Love you!
I wish for lots of treats and belly rubs!
Hello! Yeah this is dog, I wanted to wich you a happy birthday!
Happy birthday! Here’s something to wear that makes it impossible to lick yourself.
Happy birthday! Duuude……
Party Hard!
Hey you! Happy birthday.
Happy birthday doi! Can I have some cake too?
So…I heard it’s your birthday!
Happy birthday! Must you have!
Happy birthday!
Smile! It’s your birthday!
I would say” Happy Birthday” But that’s too mainstream. Feliz Cumpleanos!!!
Happy birthday!
I made you a birthday cake….But I eated it!
Smile, it’s your birthday!
Hmm, I do say, Happy Birthday!
Ermahgerd! Happy Birthday!
I just wanted to eat. But you lit my food on fire!
8 Top Happy Birthday Meme Friend
Remembered Friend’s Birthday! Without Facebook!
Yo dawg, I heard you like happy birthdays! So I decided to say happy birthday on your birthday so you can be happy on your birthday!
Happy birthday! Y U No Drunk Yet?!?
Your birthday it is. Celebrate you must!
Glad you’re part of my wolfpack! Happy birthday!
Happy birthday! I was going to drink anyway.
Smile! It’s your birthday!
Smart, good looking and funny! But enough about me. Happy Birthday!
I’m Morgan Freeman, and I’m wishing you a Happy Birthday. And you just read that in my voice!
It’s your birthday….Or annual declaration of being awesome!
15 Cute Happy birthday meme cat
Live long, and pawspurr!
Happee Burfday! I giv yoo…ME!
Celing cat, is wishing you a happy birthday!
Have a happy birthday! Boss lady!!!
Happy birthday! Go on…spoil yourself!
Happy birthday!
Birthday. No happy for you!
It’s your birthday. I”m controlling my excitement!
Happy birthday!! I pooped in your shoes!
It’s your birthday. I like to propose a toast!
A little bird told me it was your birthday…I ate him.
It’s your birthday? Big deal! I’ve had nine lives.
Happy birthday this much!!!!
Happy birthday! Just another year closer to being that crazy cat lady….
I want to wish you a very happy birthday. Just so you know…I love cake…!!!
15 Sarcastic Happy Birthday Meme For Friends and Family
Another year closer to death? Good!!
Happy birthday! Ya filthy animal!
Happy birthday! FOOL!
Happy birthday! You still can’t sit with us!
Yo its your birthday! So like happy birthday bitch!
Happy birthday, Okay? GOSH!!!
Not saying you’re old…But your birthday cake looks like a brush fire!
People are wishing you a happy birthday over facebook? WOW you must hve lots of FRIENDS!
Wait, you’re how old? Happy birthday!
Happy birthday! DUMBASS!
A little bird told me it’s your birthday. I ate him!
I hope you celebrate your birthday the way you came into this world >>> NAKED AND SCREAMING <<<
Slow clap for the birthday celebrant!
Smart, good looking and funny. But enough about me. Happy birthday!!!
Oh, it’s your birthday. I don’t care!
19 Lovely Happy Birthday Meme Sister
Happy birthday! Sister!
Happy birthday sister in law! Another year of surviving my brother!
Happy birthday sister! Don’t tell mom that I came late last night. 😀
Happy birthday! To an awesome sister!!!
Come on! At least you’re not as old as you’ll be next year….
Happy birthday, to my soul sister!! Love You!
Happy birthday, to the world’s best sister!
Happy birthday! To my big sister!
You! Big sister lady! Happy birthday!
I hear it’s your birthday! Enjoy it sister!!!
Happy birthday! Baby siter!
Happy birthday work-sister! You stay classy!
Hello sister! Happy birthday!!
A very happy birthday to you sis!!!
Hey sister! Smile! It’s your birthday!
Happy birthday Sis!!! I feel nice when I see you happy 🙂
Happy birthday to my sweet sister!
Wait….One minute! IT’s my sister’s birthday!…Happy BDay BabY Girls!!!
Happy birthday to a girl who has a pretty awesome older sister!
6 Star Wars Happy Birthday Meme
Happy birthday? Good, Good…. Let the alcohol flow through you.
Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy. But I’m your father, so join me maybe!
It’s your birthday…I know!
Have a happy birthday you must, celebrate you wiill!!!
Happy birthday! Now join the dark side!
The empire wishes you, a Happy Birthday!
9 Happy Birthday Memes For Family, Dad, Son, Daughter, Husband, Wife, and Brother
Happy birthday bro!
Happy birthday, male sibling!
It’s my cousin’s birthday! I will say happy birthday with a meme!
Happy birthday! From your favorite cousin.
Happy birthday dad! Wait, wait, wait…you’re how old?
Happy birthday! To my favorite husband.
Big Hug! Happy birthday MoM!
Mom, Mom, Mom, guess what it is? Birth day! Happy birthday!!!!
Father: So how do you feel on your special day? Son: Older. Father: You’re right, happy birthday!
from OnSumo https://ift.tt/2WR7rN1
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