#oh wow look natsume being soft

[nyaitsu-writes]

congrats on 100+ omg !! i am flinging into your askbox to request natsume & number 14 from the prompt list >:3c remember to take care of yourself too and take breaks regularly <3

i'm sorry that this one has taken me so long ahhh i'm not,, 100% happy with the final result but this is the best i can do ; v ; <3 but thank you so much anon ily <33

✧ natsume + 14: Stay with me ✧

When Natsume had suggested you come to the secret room to spend some time together, you were expecting something entirely different. Maybe not a nice candlelit dinner —which, you know, wouldn’t have been bad either— but something more. Romantic.

Or, at least, that Natsume would try to talk to you. That would have been a great starter because he was absolutely focused on whatever experiment he was working on, to the point his responses to the conversation were all around the lines of “uh-huh”, “yeah” and “hm”.

You understood better than anyone Natsume’s interest in his research and didn’t want to bother him either, especially not when he was mixing a lot of different coloured liquids that you didn’t even know what they were for and that could cause a big mess if he wasn’t paying attention.

So, he hadn’t left you with any other option that to silently leave as he continued to work. The moment you stood up from your chair and started walking towards the door, Natsume immediately looked at you.

“Where are you going?”

You finally had his undivided attention. Still slightly annoyed at the situation, you couldn’t help but scoff, stopping in front of him.

“Oh, so now you do see me. Since you’re so busy, I’m going home.”

For a second, you could see a hurt look in his eyes and you immediately regretted your words, they had been a lot harsher than you anticipated. Natsume kept that bad habit of trying to hide his emotions but, from time to time, he lowered his barriers when you were together. Seeing that kind of expression on his face made you feel even worse.

“…stay with me.” Natsume suddenly got hold of your hand and looked away, unable to make eye contact. “I… was too focused on my work… sorry.”

His fingers tapped shyly against yours, waiting. From his words to his body language, it was a totally sincere apology, especially coming from him. You nodded, interlacing his fingers with yours as you got closer for a big hug. It felt… comforting.

“No, I’m sorry. I just want you to be with you… I want you to look at me too…” Your words caused a soft shade of red to envelop his cheeks, smiling slightly.

“Don’t worry. You have all my attention now.” Seeing Natsume back to his usual self made you feel better, his hands running through your hair, “I’m actually free for the rest of the day. I think that… I’ll listen to what you want to do this time.”

[mumuugi]

୭ 𝗺𝗮𝗴𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹 𝘁𝗼𝘂𝗰𝗵

୨୧ pairings : natsume x fem!reader

୨୧ warnings : pet names (just kitten bc it’s natsume), use of blindfold, neck biting, marking, nipple play, dub-con sort of

being bored out of your mind leads to wanting for some more exciting activites to do together, little do you know natsume just has the right tricks up his sleeve to show you~

guys i love natsume he is eating me up so badly please the lack of SMUT of him. shame. also bare w me i am very lazy to type the way he talks in game😭

“natsu-kun! can you show me more of your magic tricks?”

your eyes gleamed with excitement, you’ve always looked up to natsume for all the “magical” things he has done and it would never not fail to put you in a joyful state. it’s one of the things you love about natsume. your voice seem to stop him from whatever he was doing just now

natsume turned to face you and smirked “you really do enjoy that, don’t you kitten?” you can’t help but giggle at him, shifting yourself in his bed making yourself more comfortable before replying “of course! why would i come here if it wasn’t for that?”

he gave you a small pout, seemingly hurt from your words “come on now kitten, really? just for that and not me??” you let out a laugh, he can be so silly sometimes “just kidding sume! of course i cane here to hang out with you aswell” natsume can’t help but laugh along with you after saying that. he doesn’t understand why you’d enjoy watching him do magic, but it makes his heart warm

a sudden thought came into his mind, what if.. he uses this as an advantage to touch you? no no, that would be foul. but he couldn’t help himself around you, you’re just too cute for him and he always has to contain himself until you went back

what makes it even worse is that you’re a virgin, which means that she has no idea on what would happen to her if she was left alone with some unhinged people such as rinne..

or her being clueless about everything is.. good? he could show you the ropes, but he’s afraid of making things awkward between you both. sometimes he just wished that he’d have the courage to ask you to do it with him sadly he never would. maybe

he can’t call himself a considerate person if the thoughts in his mind are all about you. taking him in as your first, tainting your innocence with his touches, slowly turning you into nothing but a needy kitten. great, now he’s hard

“natsu-kun… natsu-kun.. natsume!! are you there?” all his thoughts were cut off from you shaking him aggresively, reaching out to her arm to stop her from shaking him even further. touching you doesn’t help as the feeling in his stomach gets worse, clearing his throat he starts talking

“yea yea, i’m here. um, so i have one special magic trick made for my kitten i mean you.. would you be willing t-to see it i mean no y-you gotta do it with me, it’s how it is..” he trailed off, eyes to the side as he wait for your answer. you were kinda confused on why he’s acting different than before, though you gave him a nod and you swore that you saw his eyes lit up with so much joy

“wow oh i mean o-okay! stay here, i’ll get something quick” he searched around in his drawers hoping to find some sort of cloth to act as a blindfold and when he does only he himself knows how excited he got—

“have you found it? come on i’m getting impatient over here!” natsume swore he almost got a heart attack from hearing you whine impatiently. fuck, he doesn’t think he could hold it any longer “mhm, now i want you to close your eyes”

your brows furrowed. why would he want you to close your eyes? nontheless, you obliged, biting your lip in excitement on what’s to come. for what felt like an eternity, natsume brought the cloth to tie around your head. you tried opening your eyes but all you saw was darkness

“um.. natsume, what’s with the blindfol-“ you were quickly cut off with something soft against your lips— is that his lips? is he KISSING you?? oh no, everything’s moving so fast- how does he even know that you like him? your mind’s too hazy to even think about what’s happening right now

your lips felt cold as soon as he parts away, leaving you a whiny mess needing more of his kisses. natsume let out a low chuckle as he shifts both of you around the bed as he finally gets comfortable and settles you against his body

“hush kitten, let me show you what real magic is~”

he whispered out into your ear, hot breath hitting against your cold skin making you shiver from his words. your body quivers against him, waiting for what’s to happen next. natsume thinks you look so cute like this, so vulnerable for him, clueless as to what’s about to happen next

you let out a gasp as you felt his touch linger around your body, starting from your shoulders down to your breasts. you can’t help but let out a meek whine as his hands went underneath your shirt and meet with your still covered breasts, massaging it. natsume turned to look below, looking at how his hands play around with your boobs

“are you enjoying this? seem like it.. look at you, so sweet and for me~ i’ve been waiting for so long to do this..”

natsume whispered into you ear along with nipping on your earlobe. his lips soon went down to your neck, sucking on it making sure to leave a hickey or two but he doesn’t stop there. he’s making sure that everyone knows who you belong to

soon enough you felt a sharp pain on your shoulder as his teeth sank into your skin surely to leave a huge bite mark visible for others to see. you let out a pained whine, natsume only replying with a small chuckle as he licks over the bite mark, proud of what he’s done

his hands went under your bra to toy around with your nipples, your body’s sensetivity heightened from all of his touches. your mind was blank, you were unable to move nor speak like as if natsume has casted a spell on you beforehand to make sure you don’t cause any problems for him

his hands soon left your breasts, slowly moving down to your dampened area. his touches were teasing and it’s slowly driving you insane. your breath hitched, nervous on what’s about to happen next. natsume realizes this and leaves a reassuring kiss to your cheek and went back to your ear to whisper

“get ready, kitten. as this is where the magic happens~”

he breathed out. a meek whine was heard from you. and from that his hand sinked into your panties

tumblr hates me why did it posted UNFINISHED!!! i swear i finished it dhmu i hate everything this is so embarrasing. anyway i’m so sorry with the half assed ending BLAME IT ON TUMBLR!!! RARRRGH!!! i am so mad i will sleep now to not accidentally do anything bad irl. hope u guys enjoy it though..😢

[osakaso5]

Minami Natsume Dejavu Rabbit TV Part 1: Tetrarchy

Part 2 | Part 3

Ryo Tsukumo: Hey, guys. Are you interested in doing solo songs?

Haruka Isumi: What? Ryo-san, did you come up with some weird plan again?

Toma Inumaru: Well, I guess solo songs are par for the course when you're an idol.

Minami Natsume: They appear to be the sort of thing that is bestowed upon those who get popular within their group.

Ryo Tsukumo: Haruka and Toma, the center vocalists! Torao and Minami, who perform and sing the choruses!

Ryo Tsukumo: I have to wonder how the people would react when the four of you sing separately!

Torao Mido: I don't know, and I don't care.

Ryo Tsukumo: "Wow, even the back-up singers, Torao and Minami, can sing like this! Amazing!"

Ryo Tsukumo: "Haruka and Toma are a different kind of cool when they sing alone!"

Ryo Tsukumo: The world's perception of my adorable ŹOOĻ will change. Isn't that exciting?

Toma Inumaru: ...What are you planning, Ryo-san? You've never had these kind of expectations for us before.

Haruka Isumi: Isn't it because that guy released a solo song a while back?

Torao Mido: "That guy"?

Ryo Tsukumo: Precisely! Riku's solo was great.

Minami Natsume: Did Nanase-san's solo song influence your decision to give some to us, as well?

Ryo Tsukumo: Fufu. Good idea, isn't it? You'll listen to Riku's solo too, won't you?

Minami Natsume: I'll look into it.

Toma Inumaru: Because of Riku... Are you for real, Ryo-san?

Torao Mido: That's Ryo-san for you, I guess.

Ryo Tsukumo: In any case, write some, Minami. We'll release them on your birthdays.

Minami Natsume: ........

Haruka Isumi: Minami's making them?

Minami Natsume: I could write songs for us because ŹOOĻ has such a clear concept.

Minami Natsume: However, I cannot write songs for these people, who I barely know. I must refuse.

Toma Inumaru: Mina...

Torao Mido: Haha. We're not the kind of buddy-buddy group that IDOLiSH7 is, after all.

Torao Mido: Isn't that right, Haruka?

Haruka Isumi: Nobody thinks we're friends, anyway.

Ryo Tsukumo: Too bad, no one cares about your relationship. All they care about is the kind of entertainment that'll have a hundred million people jumping up and down.

Ryo Tsukumo: ...I'll be counting on you, Minami.

Door closes

Haruka Isumi: ...And there he goes.

Haruka Isumi: What are you gonna do, Minami?

Minami Natsume: Oh dear. I can't make solos for us. Perhaps I should commission another songwriter.  

Toma Inumaru: ...Let's do it.

Torao Mido: Toma?

Toma Inumaru: Let's sing solo songs! Ones that Mina made.

Torao Mido: ........

Minami Natsume: As I keep telling you, I can't make them. It's too big of a responsibility.

Toma Inumaru: ...Nothing's gonna change for us if we give up before we even get started!

Toma Inumaru: Mina will write the songs, we'll sing them, and then we'll release them on our birthdays! Doesn't that sound fun!?

Haruka Isumi: Great... Toma's getting fired up again.

Torao Mido: It's good that you're excited and all, but don't you think Minami's got a point?

Torao Mido: He can't make anything when we barely know each other.

Toma Inumaru: Is some random composer gonna do a better job based on just our public profiles, then!?

Haruka, Minami, & Torao: .........

Toma Inumaru: C'mon, let's give this a try. If we don't have enough info, then we'll just have to start getting to know each other now.

Toma Inumaru: Besides, I know Mina's great at fortune-telling, a hard worker when he puts his mind to something, and suprisingly enough, a ramen lover.

Toma Inumaru: That's already plenty, isn't it?

Minami Natsume: ...Fufu...

Haruka Isumi: Minami?

Minami Natsume: Very well. I'll give it  try.

Minami Natsume: Perhaps it'll do me good to allow myself to be seduced by your passionate words.

Toma Inumaru: Sedu...

Torao Mido: Hahaha. You're a real Casanova, Toma.

Minami Natsume: Indeed. This must be what the women you seduce always go through, Mido-san.

Torao Mido: Feels great, doesn't it?

Minami Natsume: Yes. It's like walking on a soft carpet.

Toma Inumaru: W-well, as long as you're in the mood to do this, Mina..!

Toma Inumaru: Haru, Tora. You guys are okay with this too, right?

Haruka Isumi: Fine, as long as Minami's making the solos. I wouldn't feel like singing if it wasn't one of his songs, either.

Torao Mido: Sure. Let's give 'em one hell of a show.

Torao Mido: I'll teach you the kind of seduction that feels like you're tucked in a soft bed next time, Toma.

Toma Inumaru: Oh, come on! Let's drop that, already..!

Minami Natsume: I'll try my best to make something good. I will consult you all about this later.

- - - -

Toma Inumaru: ...Hey, Mina.

Minami Natsume: What is it, Inumaru-san?

Toma Inumaru: Isn't it almost your birthday?

Haruka Isumi: ...Oh, right. Since it's June.

Torao Mido: I see. Where are we going, Minami?

Minami Natsume: Nowhere.

Toma Inumaru: ...Huh?

Minami Natsume: ...The last time, I accompanied Mido-san because I needed to know him better in order to write the song.

Minami Natsume: This time, I'll be writing a song for myself. Therefore, we don't need to go out on another friendly date.

Haruka Isumi: Yeah, I guess that's true.

Toma Inumaru: H-Haru..! Hey, Mina, don't be like that.

Torao Mido: I see. If you end up going out with a woman, I know a good place.

Toma Inumaru: Tora..!

Minami Natsume: Alright. Thank you.

Minami Natsume: Don't worry, Inumaru-san. I'll make the best song I can.

Haruka Isumi: ...Aren't you being kinda unfair, Minami?

Minami Natsume: ...Unfair? I am?

Haruka Isumi: Yeah. Last time, Torao showed us aaaall kinds of embarrassing stuff.

Torao Mido: Hey. There's nothing embarrassing about Usamimi Friends Park.

Toma Inumaru: Nah, I thought it was a little embarrassing...

Haruka Isumi: ...Anyway, me and Toma will need to show you our true selves.

Haruka Isumi: So it's unfair that you don't wanna do that. ...Show us how cool and awesome Minami Natsume can be.

Minami Natsume: Isumi-san...

Toma Inumaru: Haru's right! I feel like I'll be able to listen to your song a lot better if I know you properly.

Torao Mido: They've got a point. ...Minami, this time I'll invite you to a date.

Torao Mido: Hang out with me on our next day off. Tell me about yourself.

Haruka, Minami, & Toma: ........

Minami Natsume: Oh my. So now  I'm the one being invited to a hot date.

Haruka Isumi: It kinda feels like Torao stole the spotlight.

Toma Inumaru: No wonder he's popular...

Minami Natsume: ...I wonder if these people will change my world.

Minami Natsume: I wonder if they'll be the ones to brandish machine guns in the darkness, and destroy this cold world.

Minami Natsume: The ones to sincerely put their spirit into my songs...

Minami Natsume: ...Very well.

Minami Natsume: I'll tell you. ...About myself. 

End of Part 1.

[chiibinomonodamon]

My Top 10 Shoujo/Josei Ships

Let’s address the elephant in the room. Yes, they are problematic which is why they rank last. No doubt. But like, they’re ten and children make mistakes. Especially children who are as unfortunate as Natsume. Natsume himself is probably the most offensive one in this list. But I just...really have a soft spot for brooding bad boys who secretly want to be saved by the cheerful nice girl and that’s not going to go away ANY time soon. I grew really fond of these two as the series went on. I just did.

Man, these two used to be a lot higher when I was younger (like the same age as them lol) KKJ was the first true cosplay I ever did! So...um, not so much in the anime (although he’s not totally innocent but he is better). Chiaki has...issues. Lol. To say he’s insecure...is probably an understatement. But when you look at his upbringing, it’s really no surprise. Maron is the only person he truly seems to care about so he’s going to cling and be needy. But she knows how to handle him. She’s always in control (not in a bad way) but in a way that’s good for both of them. I love how mature she is. He will learn from her....if he hasn’t already. Okay, they’re married with a baby so I would think adult!Chiaki has gotten over what made the teenage ship problematic. Besides, they totally have God’s approval; what more do you need? XD

  *laughs* Who here watched this for the episodic Phantom Thief plots?

*crickets chirp*

OF COURSE YOU F*CKING DIDN’T.

Ya all watched it hoping for these two....RIDICULOUS TSUNDERE...GOOBERS TO TURN AROUND ONE DAY AND CONFESS HOW MUCH THEY DREAM OF GETTING MARRIED TO EACH OTHER...

MeimixAsuka is the absolute classic “love-hate/ slap slap kiss” ship DONE RIGHT. Which is great because so many are done very very wrong (and I can think of quite a few in, ironically non-Japanese media...aimed at children...that can honest to God, be interpreted as downright abusive. *coughiCarlycough*

But not these two. They are so f*cking innocent. Delightfully innocent. Like, their most offensive action is to call each other “idiot”. But God forbid anybody ELSE do that...oh no, if you dare bad-mouth one in front of the other, he/she gets so mad. And that’s like the cutest shit ever.

OH HEY. IT’S THE ONE BL SHIP I ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT!! Um...well, these two are great. I thought they were great in college when I went through my fujoshi stage (ugh) BUT I STILL think they’re great NOW. This is the anime version of The Odd Couple. With more gay. xD These two are sweet as chocolate. Their interaction is just precious. What’s more important? THEY’RE ACTUALLY GOOD FOR EACH OTHER. No rape. No forcing feels on each other, great chemistry, comforting comforters; all the reasons you’d ship a regular boyxgirl pairing. This one just happens to be two boys. AND I STILL DON’T KNOW IF THIS EVER TURNED CANON AFJLFJLFJDLJF

This is one of those very few Childhood Friend Ships I’m all for. It’s kind of crazy that they were able to rank this high when I haven’t even finished their story yet. BUT I LOVE THEM. I was going to pick a ship and say “Imagine _____, except they’re little kids.” But actually, I’m having a hard time comparing them to another ship I can think of. So...they’re KINDA ‘Slap Slap Kiss’-ish but Seiya does not hide his feelings. AT ALL. He’s pretty out-spoken about it. And all he wants to do is sweep her off her feet...but it’s basically the other way around xD As for Ririka...going by Shoujo Logic, her crush on (wow he’s so boring I can’t even remember his stupid name LOL) is superficial and she subconsciously has deeper feelings for Seiya that she’s unaware of...but damn, she sure gets fired up when he’s hurt in front of her! So that gives me hope.

This is just a given. It’s HIGHLY unlikely you would find another “Best Shoujo Pairing” list WITHOUT them. So he’s already there but HURRY UP AND REALIZE YOU LOVE HIM, AHIRU. Lol dammit. The only hint we get from her is “Fakir always makes me stronger” and that SINGLE LINE is deeper than ANY thought she ever had about Mytho. Hell, I’m pretty sure Ikuko herself ships them hard. Their entire relationship is so beautifully crafted...just like the rest of the series except maybe for Ahiru’s crush on Mytho which just had me going “LOLWHY” the entire time.

“SLAP SLAP KISS” LITERALLY. All they do is fight...and then kiss. xD They’re always saving each other, supporting each other, underneath all those insults, then they get married and have two cute kids. Some people think Kazune’s too hard on her...but it’s “tough love”. He has to be because that’s what motivates her. Every single thing Kazune does in the series is strictly for her sake. Their main problem is miscommunication...but I think that goes away quickly so who cares?

Yes, yes, I know. We have two major problems here: The first is initial sexual harassment. Obviously.

But here’s the second problem:

IT’S  JUST TOO DAMN FCKING HOT.

Tooyama Ema knew how to turn up the sexual tension to ELEVEN with these two. Good lord, did she ever. This is by far the sexiest manga I’ve ever read!! Whoever coined the phrase “DOKI-DOKI MOTHERFUCKER” surely had to be reading about Yukina making Shigure do things and Shigure making Yukina do things. While the ship (born from blackmail) should strictly fall into ‘Guilty Pleasure Smut’ category, it only teeters on the edge. For me, at least. Why? Because the character development is actually really damn good. Shigure goes from Cold, Uncaring Magnificent Bastard to Excellent Tsundere Boyfriend Material quite steadily and beautifully. He’s also the only character in the series who can handle Yukina’s personality flaws. Basically, “he’s good for her” while the others are...um, terrible. xD

HEY. IT’S “ANIME TWILIGHT EXCEPT IT DOESN’T SUCK” SHIP.

It’s an ancient story. ‘Vampires make sexy boyfriends’. I believe this has been going on for a reeeeeeeeeeeeeeally long time. Like.....since the 30s, maybe? When did Anne Rice start writing? IDK ANYWAY IT’S A THING. Cutesy human girl wants vampire. The vampire is broody, dark, emo. “I’m dangerous. Stay away from me. You’ll only get hurt”. But they still turn into an off-again, on-again thing because he can’t make up his f*cking mind on whether to protect her at his side or “protect by neglect”. We’ve all heard it before.

EXCEPT THAT IS NOT THIS STORY.

No, it’s cutest f*cking damn vampire romance I’ve ever had the pleasure of seeing. And yeah, I did watch Karin and Tsukuyomi Moon Phase but I’m partial to vampire stories for women so fck that. lol. So...where to start. First of all, Riho loved him way before she even knew what he was. When she finds out, she still loves him. And he does do the “You’re better off not being with me because danger”. But he doesn’t say this to be edgy or to manipulate her; he says it because what he does is actually dangerous enough for her to get killed and he doesn’t want that. But she doesn’t give a damn. And he treats her like a princess. And she finds out how lonely he is and vows to always stay at his side and he respects her f*cking decisions and they go on cute dates and always comfort each other and just afjalfjalfjaijfIWEJFILOVETHISSHIPSOMUCH.

Before I get to #1, here’s some honorable mentions:

SakuraxSyaoran from CCS

YonaxHak from Akatsuki no Yona

KurosakixTeru from Dengeki Daisy

KirarixHiroto from Kirarin Revolution

DaichixNajika from Kitchen Princess

TamakixHaruhi from Ouran High School Host Club

ZeroxYuuki from Vampire Knight

Note: I am not good at top lists. This was insanely f*cking hard to do.

So....drumroll..........

WHO SAW THIS COMING?

WHO FCKING SAW THIS COMING?

IF YOU DIDN’T,

YOU DON’T KNOW ME.

GET OFF MY BLOG.

These two pairings are....like...they affect me in ways I just cannot fathom. Like...I literally do not understand how they’ve cast these obsessive spells on me...but they have. Fanart records do not lie. And mine...for both of them is ridiculous.

So why?

The best answer I can come up with is...

“Most emotionally deep”. They inspire me. They make me squeal with joy and break down sobbing. They give me warm fuzzy feelings while at the same time, tearing my heart to shreds. I just can’t get enough of either one. It’s almost like they’ve touched my soul somehow. I just don’t know. I don’t think there’s a ship that expresses the feeling of ‘soulmates’ stronger than these two ships. I feel like Takuto and Mitsuki and Issac and Rachel were born so they could meet each other. They’re both oddly similar...and yet different as night and day seewhatIdidtharwiththepics. I think “sacrifice” and “salvation” is what I respond most to when I think about ever-lasting true love. And everything about these four characters’ development is centered around these two things.

[petaldancing]

top 5/bottom 5 works

rules: tag the person who tagged you, always post the rules, answer the questions, and add the date!

what are your five most popular works?

what are your five least popular works?

are you surprised? why?

tag six people to do this next! (thank you @brella for the tag!! i’m just gonna tag @robinparties @freikuugel @algometer and any other writer friends!)

gonna dig through my ao3 and ffnet accounts for extra fun in comparing the two since all the fics were posted at the same time on both sites? and will be only listing fics above 2k words!

Top 5 AO3 (@petaldancing) - based on kudos

When Autumn Comes I Still Think of You (Haikyuu!!, Natsu / OC) I want to say I’m surprised (because Natsu is a child in the manga, and I paired her with an OC in this !ten years later fic) but at the same time, I’m not, because the HQ fandom is so huge compared to the fandoms I usually write for so there was a higher # of readers who could’ve found this fic I guess. I’m happy there’s so much positivity for Natsu loving gals and big brother Kageyama though (:   

In Darkest Red (Psycho Pass, Yayoi / Shion) Psycho Pass is a p small fandom I think, so yeah, very surprised to see this here? Am attributing it to the fact that this is a relatively older fic (it shows!), been on the site longer, and is of a relatively popular pair from the show.  ** the previous fic has 346 kudos, this one has 196! that clear gap created by the sheer size of the HQ fandom.. wow...

You Have Made Me Brave (SDR2, Pekoyama / Kuzuryuu) Big fandom. Popular pair. Sad story with an even more heartwrenching ending. I cracked the code. 

The Rain Is Trying to Tell Me Something (Hyouka, Houtarou/Chitanda) Oh hey there you are!! The fic that I’m most satisfied with and feel the most complete about! Burdge drew fanart for this (!!! IM STILL IN AWE AND SHOCK) and that probably helped a lot in getting eyeballs on this. Am happy that this fic capped off my fanfic writing three years ago and am glad that despite Hyouka’s smallish fandom, it’s broken into the Top 5 (: 

Like the Mountains (Haikyuu!!, Yui/Daichi) The HQ fandom reasserts its dominance as the biggest fandom despite this being a het fic hohoho. I think this may have been because it was one of the earlier fics written about Yui/Daichi, just as more people started liking the pair?

Top 5 FFnet (@thundercow) - based on favs

The Rain is Trying to Tell me Something  Yay! I have much older fics on this account so that this still comes out top is a happy surprise for me!

Mignionette (Persona 3, feMC + Junpei) (not on AO3) THIS is a surprise. It’s Old! You can tell by my excessive descriptions and emphasis on symbolism. And my old habit of just breaking a fic into distinct scenes, focusing on characters looking inwards rather than their dynamics w one another. I think a lot of people just love the feMC and Junpei’s social link and I am glad. 

Streets in Summer (Anohana, Yukiatsu/Tsuruko) (not on AO3) WHY IS THIS HERE!! WOW!! The Anohana fandom is TINY! At the same time, I think it was around these fics that I started coming into the writing style I have today. Perhaps that could be a factor too? Or just that everyone, like me, had to consume more yukiatsu/tsuruko content after that open ending.

Telling Honest Lies (Anohana, Yukiatsu/Tsuruko) (not on AO3) Same as above! WoaHHhhHH

Today He Holds Her Gaze (Hyouka, Satoshi/Mayaka) Am surprised this has more favs than Queens Can’t Sleep (126 vs 58). Probably because this has a happy ending? But I do think I rushed this too much. If I had written this today, I would’ve added another 10k words to flesh out Satoshi’s conflict. Would they still sleep together? For sure. I am a flawed human being. I even made them do it in ‘The Rain Is Trying To Tell Me Something’. I rmb a couple of ppl not liking that but WELP i’m unapologetic satomaya trash. You can’t help me. I’m hopeless. But if I could rewrite the cringe-y scene here, I hope I’d be able to make it more subtle and graceful.

Bottom 5 AO3

the colour of youth (Hyouka drabble collection) It’s here because 1) I posted this this year and who reads hyouka fanfic in 2017?? and 2) no one expected me to update my ao3, not even myself.

Venus Rising (Tonari no Kaibutsu-kun, Shizuku / Natsume) Pacific Rim AUs are not unpopular. But... a PR AU of a shoujo manga?? Yeah. Also, the main pair was Shizuku/Natsume, rather than Shizuku/Haru (ew) or Sasayan/Natsume (mmm yeahh).

Flowers Without, Will (Hyouka, Satoshi/Mayaka) Old fic, small fandom! 

Colour-coded For Your Convenience (Hyouka, Satoshi/Mayaka/Houtarou?) Oh nooo. I not comfortable w ‘genderbending’ now! It’s a very simplistic and uninteresting way of exploring character dynamics, reinforces the gender binary.... and I didn’t even change their personalities much in this fic!! Also, the name changes are... a cross I will have to bear for the rest of my life. There are nuanced ways to write and explore character’s gender identities but this wasn’t one of them. It deserves to be here haha.

You & Mystery (Hyouka, ensemble detective AU) Oh man. I have a soft spot for this story that was inspired by the Hyouka ED. But, again, the unsurprising result of a small fandom!

Bottom 5 FFnet 

But Even Iron Trembles (Persona 5, Hifumi/Makoto) New fic! Surprised that it’s not in the bottom 5 for AO3, but that’s prob cause the P5 fandom is v active over there now. I hope it slowly gets out of this ranking though because I am pretty happy with how it turned out especially since I haven’t written fic for A While. Easily the longest oneshot fic I’ve written too, so that could be a reason why. 

We Roar In Our Own Voices (Tonari no Kaibutsu-kun, Hogwarts AU) Oh man. Shoujo manga + AU combi again I guess. This feels like it would really benefit from a rewrite because I love the ladies featured here. 

The Stories We’ll Sing (Penguindrum, Yuri/Tabuki)  (not on AO3) WOAHH!! I wrote this?? DANG. Didn’t even remember till I saw this on the page haha. Also I think no one really bothers w yuri and tabuki so yeah it’s not surprising. 

Colour-coded For Your Convenience  Yes. Stay here. 

Land Breaking (Kingdom Hearts, Terra)  (not on AO3) Well, hey there lil guy. You’re an angsty fic from my early days, aren’t you? 18y/o me reeling from the BBS ending and needing to write it out from Terra’s POV, which everyone knows already from playing the game haha. 

wow thank u @brella for tagging me. i just relived my younger fandom days through my fic archive... and i didn’t even look at my OTHER ffnet account! haha

date: 16 aug 2017

[goodlucktai]

Personal Concerns (2/3)

back at it again with the always self-indulgent full circle au ٩( ᐛ )و

previous 

x 

Satoru wears a hoodie under his uniform jacket. The weather's cold enough lately that it won't seem weird. The sleeves fall farther than his jacket sleeves do, covering his wrists neatly and with inches to spare.

Kiyoshi gives him an odd look as Satoru leaves in the morning, but it's not really so different, is it?

“A hoodie?” Kitamoto says the second he sees him. “Are you getting sick or something?”

“I'm allowed to get cold,” Satoru replies defensively. “The leaves are so cold they're dying. You want me to die, Acchan?”

The childhood nickname garners a few giggles from a few girls passing them by. Kitamoto's face gets a little pink and he scowls, grabbing for him. Satoru ducks his reach nimbly and rushes up the last few steps, waving a cheerful goodbye at the spot in the hall where they part every morning to go to their respective classes.

He makes it about four more steps before he runs straight into Tanuma. Runs straight into him, and staggers back like he just tried his luck bouncing off a brick wall.

“Jeez, what do you eat?” Satoru mutters, rubbing his face.

“Why are you wearing a hoodie?” Tanuma returns. At the look on Satoru's face—and he probably looks as gobsmacked as he feels—Tanuma adds, “You've complained about being hot in your uniform every day this week, multiple times. Did something happen?”

“No,” Satoru says quickly, wondering what the heck he did to get saddled with the most perceptive friends in the world. “I'm just cold today. Ask Acchan.”

After a moment, Tanuma's hard expression cracks and reluctant amusement shines through. “'Acchan'?”

“Please call him that when you ask, and please tell me what he looked like the second you did.”

Tanuma chuckles as Satoru steps around him, with barely two minutes to get to class on time at this point. He actually literally looks over his shoulder a few times, feeling somewhat hunted, and he's relieved when Taki doesn't pop up from around a corner somewhere and he makes it safely into his classroom.

“Good morning,” Natsume greets him, with that crooked smile that only a handful of people ever get to see, that Satoru earned fair and square. A second later, those soft amber eyes sharpen. “Why are you wearing a hoodie?”

“Oh, come on.”

But after that, it's okay. They stop bugging him. He even gets out of gym by volunteering to be Tsuji's lackey when a harried teacher pulls the class rep out for some errands. And when he and his group head to the roof to eat, a cool wind greets them, and Tanuma says, “Wow, alright. Maybe I should have worn a hoodie.”

“Hah!” Satoru whirls around to jab a finger at Kitamoto. “Hah!”

His friends roll their eyes at him, long-suffering and amused despite themselves, and Satoru waits until they're all occupied with their own lunches to try opening his melon bread with one hand.

It's no big deal, totally not worth worrying about—but his wrist kind of still really hurts.

“So are the two of you free on Sunday?” Taki asks brightly when they’re finished eating, lingering behind with Satoru and Tanuma as Kitamoto and Natsume head downstairs. “To come over and look at grandpa's library with me?”

“Sunday's good for me,” Tanuma replies easily, and Satoru flashes a left-handed thumb's up.

“See you then,” he says cheerfully.

Something outside the window catches his eye as he steps down onto the second floor landing. He's gotten better about not jumping at shadows in the past handful of weeks wearing the circle, so Satoru darts a quick sidelong glance down at the school yard.

And promptly forgets how breathing works, because the yokai from before is standing at the gate.

Okay, Satoru thinks, a little numb with terror, this isn't good.

“—shimura. Nishimura!”

Gravity goes a little bonkers at the same time fire shoots up his right arm, and Satoru only very barely manages not to cry out. And then he looks down and realizes he almost walked straight off the landing and fell down about twenty stairs, safely suspended by Natsume's hand wrapped around his bruised wrist and little else.

“Oh,” he manages. “Oops.”

“What's gotten into you?” Kitamoto is grinning, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes. “You're been zoning out a lot lately.”

Satoru is blinking wetly through the harsh sting as he disentangles himself from Natsume's grip, and prays it isn't entirely obvious that he's wincing as he slides his hand safely back into its pocket.

Preoccupied, he forgets to answer his best friend. He's rescued by Taki, who says, “We're gonna be late for class if we keep dawdling! Let's move it, boys!”

Satoru is stopped by a yank on the back of his jacket. Tanuma and Taki are frowning at him, and Tanuma says, “Meet us after school.”

“And we know where you live,” Taki adds, mostly teasing, partly serious, “so you better show.”

Satoru has visions of the two of them showing up unannounced at his house and unintentionally interrupting Kiyoshi's studying, and his mother's subsequent wrath. Since his friends aren't cowed by monsters or mortal danger, they certainly wouldn't be deterred by Satoru's mom. They would be politely unapologetic the entire time, too, and Satoru's mom would die before she'd give anyone reason to call her a poor host so she'd probably end up inviting them in, and the whole thing would be painfully awkward and awful and Satoru thinks he'd rather deal with the creepy yokai than that whole mess.

“Nooo, guys, come on.” Satoru doesn't bother trying to keep the whine out of his voice. “I don't know what you're thinking, but stop thinking it. I just—wasn't paying attention. We've all almost fallen down some stairs before, it's nothing to call the school paper about.”

“You forget that we deal with Natsume's deflections on a daily basis,” Taki says. “And he's had a lot more practice at keeping his friends in the dark than you have.”

There's no argument to make there. Satoru decides retreat is the better part of valor, and scoots a careful step back.

Tanuma sweeps a step closer to match it and all but looms over him. He can't help it usually, he's just that tall—but when he remembers to use that height in an argument, it's pretty convincing. Satoru tries very hard not to think of the last thing that loomed over him and meets Tanuma's eyes as steadily as he can.

“It's that yokai, isn't it? The one from yesterday. You followed it.”

“I thought it needed help,” Satoru says stupidly.

“What happened?” Taki's eyes are bright, like she's about to cry, and Satoru automatically feels terrible for that.

“Nothing! I mean, honestly, nothing. I walked with it to the woods, and it—it touched my hand, and then I left.”

Tanuma's dark eyes are heated. “Nishimura, I swear, if that thing did something to you—”

“Hey,” Satoru says, waving his hand frantically, “can we keep this conversation audience-friendly for the hallway please? It didn't do anything to me, it's fine.”

“Prove it,” Tanuma says, and holds out his hand. Taki moves to stand next to him, and they aren't budging.

Satoru curls his bad hand in against his center, feeling hunted again. The stinging hasn't let up since Natsume unwittingly grabbed him. He doesn't want anyone else to touch it.

Whatever he looks like is doing something to his friends' expressions in turn. Their stubborn care and almost-anger is fading into worry, and Taki says, “Nishimura?” very carefully, like she's trying not to spook a scared animal.

A hand lands on his shoulder and Satoru jumps, whirling around. Kitamoto is staring at him like he's never seen him before, and his gaze moves from Satoru to the two behind him.

“What's going on?” he asks slowly. “Nishimura, you okay?”

“I'm good,” Satoru replies, too fast. “I also really don't want a detention. So let's all go to class now.”

Kitamoto's eyes drop down to the hand Satoru is holding carefully against his chest, and his mouth twists.

But he lets go and steps away. “If you say so. I'll see you after school.”

“Um,” Satoru sounds weak to his own ears, “I gotta meet up with these two after school. To do a thing. I'll see you later, though!”

Kitamoto hesitates for a moment, eyes moving between his three friends like he's trying to find an answer in the spaces in between them, before he finally musters a smile.

“Yeah, alright.”

He looks tired. Satoru is rooted to the spot as his best friend walks away.

“This doesn't feel good,” Satoru says, to no one in particular.

The circle on his shoulder feels like it weighs a hundred pounds. There's a yokai following him, its mark burning and heavy where it sits on his skin. He's lying to pretty much everybody around him, about everything. He just lied to Kitamoto, of all people, and he knows Kitamoto didn't buy it because Kitamoto never does, but he lied anyway.

He wanted to understand Natsume better, to be there for him, but all he's really doing is drawing a circle around himself and keeping everyone out.

With a sense of looming dread, Satoru wonders if maybe that's a good thing. The things he can see are more and more dangerous the closer they get—he doesn't want them taking a step too far in either direction and snatching up one of these people he loves so much.

He wonders if this is how Natsume feels. If it is, he thinks he understands the other boy a lot better now, after all.

He thinks he can feel those sightless eyes staring at him from the window. There's nothing there when he looks, but he knows better than to trust only what he can see.

Satoru's wrist burns. His heart is heavy.

He's late going back to class. If Tanuma and Taki say goodbye, he doesn't hear them.

[nyaitsu-writes]

congrats on 100!! this is my first time requesting anything i’m kind of nervous hehe ;; would it be okay to ask for natsume + 55 for the event? ty and take care of urself!! (๑>◡<๑)

nonnie, you're so sweet and this was so cute to write ; w ; <3 600 words of yearning and a really sweet reunion (*/ω＼*) the natsumeP in my heart is pretty pleased hehehe

✧ natsume + 55: I missed you… a lot ✧

Seeing Switch becoming more and more successful filled you with pride. You had seen everyone’s hard efforts to turn the small unit into what it was now, with all the sleepless nights and weeks of rehearsal in between.

They had recently got a proposal for a tour around the country. A tour of all things, you were ecstatic. And even if that meant seeing Natsume less and less, you were fine with that. As his partner, you wanted to support each and every step of his career, to see him being the best version of himself doing what truly made him happy.

Of course, you two had done your best to keep close contact all these days. Texting, video chatting at every single free moment. At the end of the day, you would get a long good night call where he would ask you about your day, telling you some silly little stories about the tour. About how fast Sora is improving, about how much Tsumugi is annoying him (even if he doesn’t look that annoyed).

… about how he missed having you at his side.

He wouldn’t say it like that but there was an underlying tone in his words as he rested against his pillow, holding his phone with one hand as he talked to you. Natsume had a slightly lonely look in his eyes, even if he always lit up as soon as you started talking again.

No matter how much you could see him through a screen, it just wasn’t enough: you missed having the real thing there. It was getting to the point where you even missed his teasing, the slightly devilish remarks as he sneaked a hand to your waist and pressed a kiss just close enough to your lips but not quite.

You even missed the forehead flicks.

Oh, it was getting bad.

And so, on the day of everyone’s arrival back home, you didn’t think twice and headed for the meeting spot first thing in the morning. Maybe it was a bit silly, waiting in front of the building where there was more than an hour before their arrival but you couldn’t wait any more.

One hour.

Half an hour.

Ten minutes.

You’re already strolling up and down the place, checking his last message. “Almost there”. Clutching your phone to your chest, you sigh and keep waiting, anxiously. What are you supposed to do when you see him after so many weeks? Greet him? Kiss him?

Both?

Maybe that is the reason that when you see a familiar redheaded shadow get off from the bus you’re running full speed to him, ambushing him and pretty much throwing yourself into his arms. Natsume’s face goes all the way from surprise to softly embarrassed as your sudden energy makes both of you spin around.

“Hey” his voice comes out as a soft breath, messy locks of red and white tickling your face. He breaks into a soft laugh as you keep staring into his face, “Looks like someone was eager to see me.”

“I couldn’t wait any longer...” You mumble, even if it isn't much of an excuse as it was an expression of your feelings. As Natsume keeps a steady hold of your waist you move one of your hands from the nape of his neck to his cheek, “I needed to touch you.”

Soon, a soft shade of red that you missed so much is enveloping his whole face, amber eyes looking to the side.

“Oh wow, look who became even needier.” He’s trying to play it cool but won’t look you in the eye, one of his fingers tapping against the small of your back. Clearing his throat, six unexpected words make your entire day as he presses you against his chest.

“I missed you too… a lot.”

[goodlucktai]

I just read that Natsume is scared of thunderstorms, could we maybe see something about that please?

Consider this the beginning of a mininishinatsu series :’) 120% because there was talk on the discord about this pairing and now it’s stuck in my head rip

Story tag

x

Tsuji may have assigned Satoru andNatsume out of turn cleaning duties to get back at them for beingchatty, in the passive aggressive way of all overly-cheerful classrepresentatives, but Satoru doesn’t really mind. Hanging out withNatsume beats going home any day—and since it’s more or lesshis fault they’re in trouble, he can’t exactly complain to his friendabout it without sounding like a total heel.

“This is the worst,”Satoru says with feeling, hauling the heavier of two trash cansoutside. “Tsuji’s got in for me, I swear.”

Hecan’t complain more than usual, anyway.

Dumping his half ofthe trash, he turns to glance at his quiet companion. Natsume is nextto him but he may as well be miles away. The half-empty bin ishanging loosely from his hands and his head is tipped back, roundeyes trained without blinking on the sky. Satoru follows his gaze,nonplussed.

There arethunderheads rolling in, dark and foreboding as they build up in a graysky. He hadn’t noticed before, but now that he’s paying attention,the air definitely smells like rain.

“Oh, wow,”Satoru says, eyebrows shooting up. “It’s really gonna storm. Nowonder my brother bullied me into taking his umbrella this morning.”

Pluckingthe trashcan out of Natsume’s hands, he dumps it for him, then stacksit inside his own empty bin. Natsume seems out of it, but Satoru isno stranger to his vacant moods—the guy zones out a lot—sohe simply hefts the stacked bins under one arm, grabs Natsume’s handin his free one, and leads the way back inside.

“Ifwe hurry, we can make it home without getting too wet,”he says, all but dragging his unresistant friend up the stairs. “Imean, there’s no way we can beat the rain, but—you have anumbrella, right? I can walk you home with mine if you don’t.”

“No, that’sokay,” Natsume finally replies. “I have mine with me.”

He’s keeping pacewith Satoru on his own now, but he doesn’t tug his hand away. Satorutakes that as implicit permission to keep holding it. The only soundsthat accompany them as they run through empty hallways are the echoedstamping of rapid footfalls and the faraway rumble of approachingthunder.

In alittle under ten minutes, they’re back at the front doors. Satoru isshoving his school slippers in his locker and yanking on hissneakers in their place, a little out of breath from tearing throughthe school—and glad no staff had caught them, because that wouldhave given Tsuji a whole heap of disciplinary material to work with if he was still in a bad mood tomorrow.

“Alright,” hesays with a triumphant grin, as a light rain begins to fall, “it’sbarely started out there. Come on, Natsume, and we can—”

He trails off ashis eyes move from the doorway to his classmate. Natsume is still inhis uwabaki, jack and umbrella bundled under his arm. He hasn’t evenstepped down into the entry area yet, lingering on the raised floor afew feet away, with what looks like absolutely no intention of takinganother step.

“Go on withoutme,” he says with a smile. “I forgot something.”

Satoru blinks athim. “What? Just go get it real quick, I can wait.”

“I might have tolook for it,” he deflects easily. “It could be awhile. You shouldgo ahead though, before it gets too bad out there.”

His expression isempty and serene. It stirs something uneasy to life in the pit ofSatoru’s stomach.

This is whatNatsume looked like when he first came to this town; agreeable andindulgent without giving an inch, without letting anyone in. Satoruremembers the slow, painstaking work of extracting a childish,sarcastic, endlessly earnest personality from where it was hiddenneatly behind a pretty face and a distant smile.

He doesn’t likethat Natsume can so easily revert back to what he used to be.

Hedoesn’t like that there must be a reason forit.

Lightning flashesoutside, illuminating the room for a split second. Natsume goesstiff. Satoru takes a step towards him, frowning. Uncomprehending, but he wants to understand, and so he reaches out with abewildered, “Natsume—”

Thunder cuts himoff. It stops him cold. Because Natsume flinches, full-body, andSatoru’s voice gets stuck in his throat. The distance between theminches wider somehow, even though they’re both standing still.

He’s never seenNatsume so transparent before. He didn’t expect it to be hard to lookat him, when for so long he thought it would be nice for Natsume tobear his feelings every once in awhile.

“You,” he saysslowly, and pauses. “You’re scared of the storm?”

The next handful ofseconds feel like an hour. Natsume is silent as he dips his head in anod, hair hanging into his eyes. Satoru stares at him.

“Andyou weren’t gonna say anything?”he asks, incredulous. “You were just gonna let me leave you byyourself?”

The rain outside is beginning to pickup, drumming against the roof and the windows, and another roll ofthunder cuts through the air only moments after the first. Natsumeshudders, hugging his coat to his chest.

“It’s so stupid,”he mutters. His hands are shaking. Satoru gravitates closer to himhelplessly. “Ever since I was little, I’ve always—”

He winces again atanother streak of lightning across the windows, folding in on himselfin time with the accompanying thunder. He drops his umbrella and hisjacket in favor of clapping his hands over his ears, and he’sshaking, and Satoru crosses the rest of the space between them in asecond.

He wishes Kitamoto was here. Or Tanuma.He’d even take Tsuji.

Because he can’tjust leave this alone, there’s no way he could, but hedesperately doesn’t want to do the wrong thing. Not when Natsume isso pale and frightened, curling up into something tiny and tremblingand fragile.

Kicking off hisshoes and dropping his bag on the floor, Satoru steps up to joinNatsume in stocking feet and hooks a hand around his elbow. Triesto ignore the way Natsume’s breath hitches, and instead tows him backdown the hall.

There’s a classroomon the first floor no one ever uses, not that anyone is still aroundto mind them making use of it themselves. Satoru shoves the door openwith his free hand and tugs his friend inside, shutting it behindthem. It’s a small room with wide windows, and Satoru leaves Natsumeby the door for as long as it takes to draw the curtains closed.

A fresh crack ofthunder has him hurrying back with the last window left bare, becauseNatsume makes a sound uncomfortably close to a whimper and Satoru isphysically incapable of anything else but putting both arms aroundhis shoulders and squeezing him tight.

“How’d yourfoster parents usually help you get through storms?” he asks,desperate to be useful. Natsume doesn’t uncurl even slightly, but heleans forward in the circle of Satoru’s arms, leans into him, andSatoru will take anything he can get. “Natsume, hey. How do Ihelp?”

“I—I don’tknow, I—no one’s ever—”

He’s drowned out bythe storm. Satoru could very quickly learn to hate thunder. Andpointing his hate in that direction instead of towards all ofNatsume’s shitty former foster families is probably a much safer roadto travel in the long run. Even if it’s a hundred times lesssatisfying.

Satoru does hisbest not to think about how many times it’s stormed since Natsumemoved here.

“Okay, that’sokay,” he says, in what he hopes is a reasonable tone. “We’lljust figure this out together, then. No big deal. Let’s just—here,Natsume, let’s sit.”

There’s a shelfpushed sideways against the blackboard wall, and it creates acomfortable little corner in the front of the room. Satoru sits, andtugs Natsume down beside him, their backs to the cabinet doors,facing the wall opposite the windows.

It’s dim and cool,and probably not entirely comforting, but it’s the best he can thinkof. Satoru keeps an arm around Natsume’s shoulders, and picks up oneof his hands in one of his own, and tries to impress warmth andcomfort and support into his cold body.

He can feel Natsumeflinch with the next heavy boom of thunder. He wishes he hadhis phone on him, so he could look up how long this ugly weather issupposed to last. He’ll sit here all night if that’s what Natsumeneeds, and he’s happy to do it, too—but it isn’t fair thathis friend should be so miserable just because he was never taughthow not to be afraid when he was growing up.

“It’s nothing tobe embarrassed about, you know,” Satoru tells him over the sound ofthe wind and rain. “I mean, I wasn’t scared of thunder growing up,but I slept with a nightlight till I was like, nine. I was certainthere were monsters in the dark, and nothing anyone told me convincedme otherwise. Pretty silly, right?”

Natsume makes asoft noise against his shoulder, and murmurs, “I don’t think so.”

“You wouldn’t,”Satoru says fondly. “I swear, any one of us could tell youanything, and you’d just nod right along like it made perfectsense.”

It’s like blanketacceptance, given freely and without reservation, when for so longthe singular person Satoru could expect anything unconditional fromwas always only Kitamoto.

“Is that weird?”Natsume asks. His hair is soft under Satoru’s cheek, and it smellsgood, and it’s distracting. Satoru has no idea why, and pushes theintrusive thought to the back of his brain.

“A little bit.But it’s not bad.”

“Still,” hisfriend says in a small voice, “that was when you were a kid. Youstopped being afraid of the dark. I'm—I’m still—“

“Okay, I’m gonnastop you right there,” Satoru says right over him, a little tooloudly, because he knows he’ll get heated if Natsume says literallyone more word. “You get a pass on this, okay? I don’t care how oldyou are. You are officially allowed to be scared of thunderstorms.And I’ll tell you why.

“Because I’veseen you fall off a bridge before. Off a bridge—like, intothe river—and all you said was pretty much just “Sorryfor getting you wet” when me and Kitamoto fished you out. That jerkShibata showed up out of nowhere to make trouble for you, and youdealt with him on your own, even though you obviously wanted nothingto do with the guy. And there was that time in the woods,” he adds,frowning a little as he tries to sort through fuzzy memories, “rightafter you transferred here, remember? Something happened to me outthere, and you came and found me, and carried me all the way back totown. You never even batted an eye.”

Thunder cracksoutside the window. Natsume doesn’t react to it, absorbed in Satoru’slong-winded ranting instead.

“Natsume, all ofthat is—really cool. Well, maybe not the bridge thing—don’tever do that again. But the rest of it? You have yet to meetyour fear quota, and at this rate, even if it storms every day forten years straight, you probably never will. So, this?” Satorugestures at the room at large, trying to encompass the last half houras a whole in a wave of his hand. “This is nothing. No big.”

He can feel Natsume’s heart beating fast through the tight press of their hands. Lightning illuminates the room through the window on the far end that Satoru didn’t get to cover, casting long shadows for a few flickering seconds. And he thinks it makes sense, objectively, to be afraid of things like this. Of darkness and storms. It makes sense to be scared when you’re alone and there isn’t a light or shelter to keep you safe. 

“It’s notnothing, Nishimura,” Natsume finally says. His voice isstronger than it’s been since the storm started. He wavers a littlewhen the windows rattle with a particularly fierce gust of wind, butrallies himself and presses on, “It's—a really big deal. It meansa lot to me that you—that you’re here.”

“You’d do thesame thing for me,” Satoru says comfortably, because he doesn’tdoubt for a second where they would be if their positions werereversed. Natsume is quiet beside him, but his hand in Satoru’ssqueezes tight.

The rain is stillcoming down in heavy sheets, and each new roll of thunder is still asloud as the one before. Natsume is still leaning into Satoru’sside, and Satoru still has an arm around Natsume’s shoulders.

Natsume isn’tshaking anymore. For a person who can seem so delicate at times,Natsume is impossibly resilient. Satoru manages to forget that everynow and then, but never for very long.

It’s one of thethings he loves most about him.

[goodlucktai]

So few come and don’t go

summary: Natsume is happy. Tanuma doesn't know why he doesn't feel satisfied with that.

title borrowed from look after you by the fray. 

x

Natsume doesn't flinch.

When the store clerk grabs his arm, holding out a bag they forgot at the checkout before they can leave it behind, Natsume's whole body goes still. It's only for a second, just for that brief moment of sudden contact, but something heavy settles in his face, something almost expectant.

As though he's been braced this whole time for what's coming next.

And maybe, Tanuma thinks, watching his friend smile his thanks and take the bag with a thousand yards of distance in his eyes, flinching would have been a little easier to watch.

Touko is so warm and so kind. Her smile is a perfect match to Natsume's at his most content, and she comes to meet them at the door when they return with the groceries.

“It's really no trouble,” Tanuma says, when she thanks him for the second time. “Shopping with Natsume is hardly a chore.”

Natsume's face turns a faint pink, and Touko looks pleased at them both. Her hand moves as they talk, threading gentle fingers through Natsume's fringe and pushing long bangs out of his eyes, and Tanuma expects – something. Natsume colors and brightens and blushes so easily at praise, a gesture should strike something beautiful to life in his face.

But Natsume just keeps smiling, if only a touch wider, and helps Touko carry her groceries into the kitchen without a single flustered stutter in his steps. Tanuma lags a step behind, a little surprised.

And then surprised at himself, for expecting Natsume to recognize a mother's gesture when he sees it.

Nishimura makes a strangled sound, and throws both arms around Natsume's shoulders in an over-exuberant hug. It makes Natsume laugh, soft and warm, and pat Nishimura's arm in a genial way.

“Happy birthday,” he says, and Nishimura peels himself away with a sniffle.

“You even got it signed!” And it looks like he really might cry, fingers flattened over the glossy promo poster of Natori Shuichi's upcoming drama where it's spread reverently across his desk. “Natsume, I love you, okay? You're – shut up, Atsushi – you're the best thing that's ever happened to me, I just – ”

Even Taki is giggling at this point, muffled behind her fingers, while Sasada rolls her eyes with unmistakable, if recalcitrant, affection. And Tanuma is watching, now, but Natsume's expression doesn't shift into anything it would hurt to look at. He doesn't go still under his friends' hands, has stopped looking so surprised to be included. He's happy.

Tanuma doesn't know why he doesn't feel satisfied with that.

Rumors spread easily in a small town. To hear Kitamoto tell it, most of the school knew that Natsume was an orphan within his first week as a student there. Somehow, it was common knowledge even in the very beginning that Natsume moved around a lot, from relative to relative, and Tanuma wondered how.

How Natsume could bring himself to walk into his classroom in those early days, under the weight of a whispered reputation. How Natsume could bring himself to reach out and be reached out to in turn, when so far nothing in his life had proved itself to be permanent.

There was a quiet courage in that – in letting himself be vulnerable to hurt, again and again, for the simple sake of being kind.

It's probably easier now than it was in the beginning. The Fujiwaras love Natsume with all their hearts – it's obvious after spending five minutes with them that Touko and Shigeru would give up everything they own to keep him. Even Natsume is learning – slowly, but steadily – that they mean it when they welcome him home.

And it's like watching him unpack boxes, one by one. Taking off a coat and hanging it by the door. Planning to stay awhile.

One night, when Tanuma's father is gone again on business and Touko refuses to let him go back to an empty house and a meal of instant ramen, he joins them for dinner. The conversation is easy and companionable, talk about Touko's day at home and Shigeru's day at work and Natsume's day at school. They ask Tanuma how his father is doing, ask about their friends, including him so seamlessly and so kindly that he wonders how it's even possible for people like the Fujiwaras to exist.

He's glad that they do.

At one point, Natsume makes a face at something Touko puts on his plate, nose scrunching delicately. Tanuma almost chokes in surprise, and Touko is quick to pick up a lecture about healthy eating, one that sounds practiced and repeated. Natsume nods in all the right places, looking appropriately chastised, but he hides a playful grin behind his bowl of rice.

Tanuma catches it, though. And across the table, Shigeru's eyes are impossibly warm and impossibly fond, so he must have caught it, too.

Natsume doesn’t flinch when a man they pass in the street raises his voice. He’s a large person, heavy in the chest and broad-shouldered, and he bellows so suddenly into his phone that Tanuma’s heart leaps in his chest, that Kitamoto trips a little and swears. 

“Jeez,” Nishimura mumbles when they’re out of earshot. He has a hand pressed to his chest, his heart probably pounding as wildly as Tanuma’s had. “That scared me!”

But Natsume is calm and unruffled, not a hair out of place. His eyes are weighted again, but his smile is the same as always. 

His smile doesn’t mean very much. 

“Takashi!” a young man calls, and Natsume stops dead in his tracks. “Wow, it’s been -- how are you?”

Natsume moves a few steps ahead, and they talk for a few minutes, and his voice is pleasant and his expression is kind. The man is in a hurry, and assures Natsume it was great to see him before rushing off as quickly as he’d come, and Natsume rejoins them looking no worse for wear.

“Who was that?” Nishimura asks, inevitably. 

“Before the Fujiwaras took me in, I lived with him and his parents,” Natsume explains simply enough. “Not far from here, actually. He must work in this area now.”

It’s later, when it’s just the two of them walking home, that Tanuma says, very carefully, “Touko-san mentioned once that you came home to them from the hospital.”

Natsume blinks, but he doesn’t look upset. “Oh. I did. When did she say that?”

“It was just in passing, it was a long time ago.” Tanuma’s heart is in his throat. “So you were hurt? Did they -- did those people -- “

“No,” Natsume replies quickly. “No, it was never -- it wasn’t like that with them. Around that time, I sealed a yokai on the mountain and got injured, that’s all.”

Tanuma shouldn’t ask, he knows he shouldn’t. But his mouth opens anyway, spilling out, “’With them’?”

It opens a yawning pit between them, the inches separating their arms stretching into what feels like miles. Natsume’s grip on Ponta, where the cat curls in his arms, tightens almost imperceptibly. 

“Everyone was kind to me,” is what he finally replies. “But the kindness didn’t last for quite as long in some places. I was a hard child to care for.”

Tanuma swallows down something hot in his throat, blinks past a sudden sting in his eyes. Too old now to wail against unfairness, but he wants to. 

He wants to tell Natsume not to justify those people in his past who might have hurt him. Tanuma wants to sit him down and open him up and pry all those sad secrets out of his head, no matter how they might stain his hands. He wants, more than he’s ever wanted anything, to help Natsume carry the weight of them. 

Natsume’s face is flushed red with the biting wind. The rain is still coming down in solid sheets, a curtain of rushing gray that they watch from the relative safety of the store awning they had ducked under. 

The store is closed. It would have been warmer inside. 

“Maybe it’ll let up soon,” Natsume says, voice wavering in the chilly air. He gets sick so easily. Tanuma turns to face him, putting a hand on his shoulder. 

“Let Ponta down for a minute. I want to try something.”

Natsume agreeably unbundles the fat cat from his coat, and the disgruntled calico jumps from his arms to settle with a huff by his feet. His fingers are clumsy with cold, fumbling to rebutton his jacket, and Tanuma folds his hands over Natsume’s smaller ones. 

“You should have brought gloves,” he mutters, and Natsume huffs out a quiet laugh, letting Tanuma take over. An amused, sideways smile overtakes his face at the particular way Tanuma straightens his collar and fixes his scarf. 

“Well?” he says, patiently. It’s not like either of them are in a hurry, trapped as they are in this small dry pocket of dark, stormy evening. “What did you want to try?”

Ponta eyes Tanuma a little too knowingly, and then turns his back on them to primly wash a paw. “It’s about time, you brat. I thought you must have been waiting for a blue moon.”

And with that, Tanuma takes Natsume’s face in both hands, telegraphing every inch of the move before he makes it. They’re close enough now that Tanuma’s bangs hang into Natsume’s, black and tawny blond shifting together.

Natsume’s eyes widen, but he doesn’t step away. 

Tanuma moves closer still, carefully folding Natsume into his arms. The smaller boy fits tucked against him like a missing piece coming home, thin shoulders stiff with shock, breath hitching quietly against Tanuma’s throat.

There’s a moment of stillness, of caution and wonder, and then Natsume sighs slowly. His hands creep up, his arms settling around Tanuma in turn, as gingerly as if he’s never held a human like this before. 

“Oh,” Natsume says, soft and surprised. “It’s warm.”

Natsume doesn’t flinch, because he didn’t want people to look at him. He couldn’t react to invisible monsters, he wouldn’t react to heavy hands and cruel voices. He taught himself stillness and silence instead. 

But there are times when Natsume has to steel himself. When Tanuma can see him trying. 

When Taki lays her head on his shoulder on the train; when Touko frames the side of his face in one warm, worn hand; when Natori pushes affectionate fingers through his hair; when Ponta purrs against his cheek; when Tanuma pulls him close enough to kiss, soft and slow. 

Natsume doesn’t flinch, but it’s more out of love these days than anything else.