#oh well. tis the nature of writing for fandoms i guess

[supercasey]

10,750 words, I am absolutely fucking insane, wtf

[hushed-chorus]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers (except me because obvs I have done it). Spread the self-love ❤

Ahhh thank you Ashton, it was so nice to get this Ask. Here are my personal faves in rough descending order. All Simon Snow, of course!

What Remains After The Storm (86K, M)

For me, getting a story idea is like being possessed, and the process of writing is the exorcism. Of everything I’ve written for the fandom, this is the one where the exorcism failed. This story still rattles around inside me. Something so tied to the moors, the ocean, the battle with inner demons, and the strangeness of the fae all just soothes my soul. That aside, I’m so happy with how the plotty plot plot came together, as well as the ‘getting together’ moment. I'm also so lucky to have @erzbethluna do so many beautiful illustrations for it, as well as a gorgeous piece by @artsyunderstudy. They make me so so happy.

Accidents Happen (42K, M) 

I��d not long finished the trilogy and got smacked by the idea for a CO-era time loop fic. I spent three days in an airbnb filling a notebook working out all the moving parts and honestly I’m pleased with how the plot came together (i.e. figuring out the best way to conduct the exorcism). It’s also the first time I pulled off twists and an ending that I'm almost entirely happy with. While there are a couple of teeny tiny things I’d now do differently, I’m very happy with how it came out.

The Danse Macabre (1.5K, T)

Pondering why the wraiths avoid Baz led to my first attempt at a ghost story since I was eight years old (yes, my teachers were worried). Also, I go long in my writing, but I managed to get this under 2K! So basically, I challenged myself in two ways with this one and I feel I pulled it off. Most importantly, this fic was the first time @erzbethluna and I worked together, so of course I love it for being the starting point for a beautiful friendship <3

Worst Disney Princess Ever (8.7K, T)

On a train and off my face on new meds, a really stupid crack idea came to me. One that involved well-meaning zombie rats and pigeons. And I write it. I then go back to it three weeks later and tidy up. I’d never written humour before so was so worried it was just weird or cringe, but my god I got such an amazing response. It made people laugh! That realisation was very good for me, and has taught me not to second-guess so much when I have a potentially witty thing to say. Also, @youarenevertooold did an absolutely wonderful podfic of this that I recommend! 

Blood, Salt and Hummingbirds (32K, T)

Oh man, I was so fed up by the time I had nearly finished writing this fic xD Which is partly why I feel so good about it now. This historical AU takes place on an island after a shipwreck. It needed a lot of research into survival, ecology, a natural historian’s trade and old techniques for making leather (brains and piss). Then I had to remind myself that romance should be happening amongst all this survival stuff. But I feel like I achieved what I set out to do - write a slow, thoughtful story steeped in nature and self-discovery. Basically, this story showed me that perseverance can really be worth it.

[uncriticalbunny]

this fandom is full of racist and idiotic asshats and the only people i see who call this shit out are sydcarmy shippers.

@currymanganese made a post about the fandom wiki entry on sydney and carmy's relationship, which you can only guess how accurate it is. here's a link to sydney's 'the bear' wiki page as it currently appears.

this is a snippet of sydney's wonderful personality and characterization.

However, she is bad at accepting 'no' or being told not right now. Her perfectionist nature does not allow her to let go of things, either. This often causes her to push for too much, too far, too fast, and then suffer the negative consequences because she did not understand why she was being told not to do something and would not let it go or wait. In times of stress, or rebounding from being treated poorly herself, she forgets her dream of making the kitchen environment safe and can abusively lash out with the worst of them. She resents that her business and administrative skills are often more highly valued at "The Bear" than her chef and cooking skills, though she excels in those areas. She tends to come across to others as young, anxious, and very insecure, wanting a lot of reassurance, until she finds her comfortable regiment and standardized process for completing a task, which allows her talent to come through. She often feels like a fish out of water with the rest of the staff, who are older, poorer, lack formal training, and have long-established ties, but is determined to make it work if it means learning under Carmy and having some control over the kitchen she works in.

this is a snippet of sydney's season 1 section.

Sydney becomes fixated on perfecting the risotto and becomes more aggrieved with every rejection. After being told her latest version is "tremendous", yet still cannot be offered on the dinner menu, Sydney, in a minor act of petty rebellion, serves the dish to a customer. With this act, Sydney is responsible for shoving The Beef down the road to its destruction. The customer, it turns out, is a famous food critic. He writes a glowing review of The Beef, and raves about risotto. The restaurant goes viral. Carmy is peeved, because the reason he wouldn't put the dish on the menu, besides it not being ready, is because risotto is very labor intensive. They do not have the staff to make it during dinner service. Additionally, the high brow dish does not fit the fast casual nature of a sandwich shop's menu. Richie rags on Sydney with suspicion, believing she knew the customer was a critic and gave him her dish to force them to put it on the menu, and to gain herself fame. The restaurant going viral coincides with Sydney's latest innovation push to use ordering tablets and accept online to go orders. Once again going too much, too fast, they begin using the new system before they're ready. Sydney makes a fatal error with the new technology by failing to set up website parameters. As a result, the second the system is turned on, the tiny restaurant is flooded with hundreds upon hundreds of to-go orders, all due for pick up shortly and even more coming in every second. In person, customers are asking for the famous risotto…which is not on the menu. Carmy explodes at Sydney and demands she get out of the way before she keeps making the catastrophe worse, Sydney, who doesn't handle feelings of rejection or inadequacy well, spirals. She lashes out at the staff, and engages in a vicious fight with Richie, who never wanted the tablet system. After saying some truly cruel things about him as a father, Sydney stabs him, whether on purpose or on accident is uncertain, and then immediately resigns amidst the chaos.

"With this act, Sydney is responsible for shoving The Beef down the road to its destruction." IJBOL

and oh look, in season 2, sydney reconnects with claire and goes to al-anon with carmy.

Throughout the process, Sydney reconnects with Claire, who is now a resident in emergency medicine. Sydney attends Al-Anon meetings along with Carmy, discussing her search for fun.

awww sydney faces a setback when ebra stops attending culinary school and sees claire as a threat. sounds about right.

As the opening of The Bear approaches, Sydney continues to work on the menu with Tina's help. She faces a setback when Ebra stops attending culinary school. Sydney also begins to see Claire as a threat to Carmy's focus. Despite these challenges, Sydney remains committed to her role in the restaurant and prepares for the soft opening.

even better, richie alone successfully handles the situation at the soft open. she and carmy even reconcile!

During the soft opening, Sydney feels the pressure to impress her father. She runs the kitchen while Richie takes charge of the front of house. Issues arise, such as running out of forks and Carmy getting trapped in the walk-in fridge. However, Richie successfully handles the situation and takes over expediting. Sydney feels fulfilled after impressing her father, and she and Carmy reconcile.

this page is full of misogynoir and shitty, incorrect OPINIONS about sydney adamu. are these things not supposed to be objective? and yet they make sydney out to be an incompetent, jealous, hysterical, aggressive overstepper. we see this frequently on social media sites when sydney is discussed. and no one ever wants to draw attention to this for some reason. where's the news and media? the hit tweets? the constant posts complaining about this issue?

all people ever want to talk about is how sydcarmy is terrible and how shippers have terrible comprehension of the show. yet this garbage slips by all the time. maybe it's because the same people focusing all their energy on shippers hold those very same opinions, but i think a lot of people simply have tunnel vision and simply do not gaf about sydney.

it's fucking exhausting watching the general fandom treat syd as less than human and have zero understanding of her character. it's like yelling into the void. and i would very much like to know how this garbage wiki can be corrected.

[the-marron]

Got tagged by @fixaidea, thank you!!!

I technically did it a few days ago, but then I was tagged by myself, to let this tag game make rounds, so can I be excused for doing it again? 🥺

This time with Guardian/Weilan derivs focus, not to repeat the same info too many times ~~

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 144, and at this point Guardian and co are the majority of those

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

1,261,968 words - I am pretty much this meme:

things always end up longer than I plan them to be 😓

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Well, aside from the old ones, currently mostly for Guardian, The Rebel/ Detective L (Luolin, my beloved), I dabble in DMBJ for weilan derivs purposes

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

In Guardian/Derivs fandom? Through the Window of This Love, written with Ascel (300), The Once and Future Hei Pao Shi (270), The Story's Unwinding, written with Ascel (223), One Prize I'd Cheat to Win (187), Constant Vigilance (177)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Oh, absolutely, I love talking to people in general, and I do like thanking people for sharing their thoughts about the story, 'tis why I share afer all

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Erm. Either When I Make an Oath to the Flames (Guardian) or Unceasing Path (Luolin)? Hard to choose, I do love angst and bad endings

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Hm. Maybe We Devour Like a Falcon in a Dive? (Luolin) - it's as much of a fix-it as my angsty tendencies allowed these two

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Well. I wouldn't call it 'hate' but I did have some odd interactions lately that suggested gently that maybe I should stop writing.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

No, no smut from me. Behold my best buddy: Fade To Black

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Oh, yes, absolutely. Mostly of the Weilan derivatives persuation, admittedly, but it counts, right? I also comitted a Luolin/ Guardian crossover, inspired by Terry Pratchett and his observations about the nature of universities.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Kinda

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not a Guardian one

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Hah, hell yeah. Best kind of fun

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Weilan, on the basis that they are canon and the reason why I am still here and not moving on. From Weilan derivs: Luolin

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

A post-canon murder mystery with Luo Fei and Lin Nansheng that I am not educated enough to write just yet, too many things to research, too little time. Also I am not very good at Agatha Christie murder riddles, on the basis of: I haven't written any yet. Would love to try though.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I've heard that it's characterization and sense of humour. Unless I am gutting people, then it's the atmosphere?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Repetitions. Commas. Forgetting where the hell my characters are sitting. Ignoring the fact that they should eat at some point.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Sure, if researched and checked

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Inuyasha, I guess

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Hard to pick due to lots of sentiment to different ones for different reasons. In terms of 'this was a fic written by me, for me' then weilan!steampunk au Deceive me kindly (while I am still here), because it's a mixture of my favourite things: doomed romance, steampunk and references to the drama

Thank you once more for tagging me! 🥰

Tagging this time: @forerussake, @clevermanka, @sasamelons,

[eclectic-mania]

Do you have any Jackie x Hyde fanfic recommendations?!!

Always, always, always! There's so much talent in this fandom, and I'd love to highlight a few of my absolute all-time favorites. I'm primarily on AO3, so these recommendations will definitely skew more toward work posted there; if y'all have any recs on other sites, feel free to let me know!

multi-chapter fics

Hyde's Long Way Home by @those70scomics

This is probably the one I reread the most, tied with the same creator's One Difference: Jackie and Hyde Don't Kiss (During the Summer), primarily because I just absolutely adore their writing and the way they so effortlessly write Jackie and Hyde, both as individuals and as a couple. It definitely helps that the story is set right at the start of the Chicago debacle, meaning there's canon divergence, and thank god for that; I'm a staunch season-eight denier. I'm also a sucker for a good groundhog day situation, and this work scratches that itch and then some. This one's definitely a lot heavier than some other fics I love—hence the mature rating—but it's oh-so worth it.

The Queen Of All My Dreams by @springsteenicious

Fantasy isn't normally a genre I consider when looking at Jackie/Hyde fanfiction, but this fic is wholly worth diving into a different genre, especially since it does the genre justice. The story begins a few days after Chicago and features a whole lot of magic and adventure, giving it a Lord of the Rings feel, minus the stuffiness of typical fantasy stories. The gang still very much feels like the gang, and everyone's character progression feels natural and not at all outlandish or forced, which many fix-it stories (can this be considered a fix-it? Maybe for season 7?) tend to struggle with.

Miracle by B_August (I don't know if they're on tumblr, but if they are, PLEASE send me their blog so I can follow it!)

Good lord, where to begin with this one? As you've probably guessed if you've read any of the stuff I've put out, I've got a soft spot for strong!Jackie, and an even softer spot for Jackie with powers. Miracle has absolutely all of that. It also features an incredibly sweet Steven Hyde, a surprisingly attentive Jack Burkhart, and my absolute favorite, the effervescent Buddy Morgan. It is a little out of character at times, sure, but the characterization makes sense for the point of the story in which things start changing, as well as the changed circumstances around the lives of the gang. There's also the added bonus of many, many DC references (a welcome side-effect of being a Superman story of sorts). I highly, HIGHLY recommend it!! (There's also a sequel that is currently being updated that you can find here.) Let B_August know I say hi if you check out their work :)

Of All Things Creepy & Unnatural by CaedenceLaura

This one's over on fanfiction.net! It explores how the Jackie/Hyde dynamic might have evolved differently had the rest of the gang not learned of their relationship sooner. Personally, I really enjoyed the secret relationship aspect of this fic, and though they do get found out eventually, it's nice to see how having that extra time to themselves might've strengthened their bond. This fic isn't complete, but still worth a read!

Steven Who? by kezztip

This is another one that I reread quite frequently. There are few fics on this list that genuinely make me laugh out loud several times per read-through, but this one never fails to get me chuckling. The premise is just... I almost don't even want to say anything, just so you can read it for yourself. Going in blind might be the way with this one.

Heart Like Yours by @jacquelineshyde

Something in me is really drawn to the concept of Hyde realizing just how much he cares for Jackie a little too late. In most fics, the "little too late" aspect of that typically means that Jackie's moved on to some other guy or something like that; that's still relevant in this one, but she's also straight up in a coma, and to me that makes the despair of the situation all that tastier. Add to that some good ol' out-of-body action, and, well, you've got yourself a fun little If I Stay spin on our T7S universe.

one-shots

sighs in my sleep by @madroxed

This was the first ever fic I read in the fandom, believe it or not, and something about it was just so captivating to me that it kept me in a fandom clickhole for about two months. TW for mentions of an eating disorder (it's a throwaway line in the second half, but it did give me pause when I read it) and pregnancy, if that's something you're very much not into.

Moth Drawn to Light by @rosalinesbenvolio

Screaming, crying. There's something So Good about Hyde with baby fever... I genuinely don't even have any more words to explain it. So good, so so cute. Read now!

--

I feel like there are so many more that I'm missing, so maybe I'll make a part two at some point if it's requested. For now, though, these are my main loves in this fandom. I also read fics in other fandoms: Stranger Things, Harry Potter, Twilight, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and truly too many more. I'm always happy to talk fanfiction, whether about any of those fandoms or just in general!

[a-slut-for-smut]

One Big Slutty Fuckoff List of Gloriously Smutty Alutegra fanfics :D

Greetings, fellow Alutegra sluts out there! I am but a humble whore for Alutegra for well over a decade, but finally decided it was high time to curate some of the finest, most exquisite smut of our OG girl boss/malewife ship. What spurred this on, you ask? Welp, I am guilty of sluttily luring in some of my moots aboard this ship and been promising to deliver this for AGES, so here we are years later (sorry i operate on grandma speeds!!!)

A couple things to know regarding this rec list (which may be particularly helpful for curious newcomers, horny vets feel free to scroll on down):

1.) As the title suggests, this is a smutravaganza so mostly is rated E, some M. Sorry folks, im sure there is a ton of amazing non-explicit fics but this is all i read! Also, given the very nature of the series (iirc it originally has hentai roots) it doesnt shy away from sexually kinky themes. Honestly name a kink and its probably not only been explored but likely grounded as far as canon goes. What do i mean by this? I'm only going to name a few but if any of the following get your juices flowin then Alutegra is the ship for you:

Dom/Sub BDSM (emphasis on consent)/Power play vibes- Integra is master, Alucard is her servant. As my boy Oscar Wilde said “Everything in the world is about sex — except sex. Sex is about power.” Honest to God, I don't know any ship that embodies this quote any better.

Bondage- Alucard is first discovered by Integra in a strait jacket/chains etc, and if memory serves me correctly makes several appearances throughout the series

Genderbending/fluidity- well im not sure this is the right term, but in canon Alucard can shapeshift/says he doesn't identify with a specific form/body (whether this applies to gender is up to interpretation i guess?). His "Girlycard" form is generally seen as his female form in the fandom.

Monster porn- Well, Alucard is a vampire and can shapeshift. Including a wolf/dog beast. Sky's the limit folks

Tentacle/cosmic horror porn- Alucard can conjure these shadowy tentacle thingys and a million extra eyes which serves as some sort of relevant symbolism that ive completely forgotten. Shit's hot tho (i got a cosmic horror kink shutup)

Non-penetrative sex & forbidden/taboo vibes- in canon, its established that only virgins can be turned into true vampires, everyone else turns into inhuman mindless ghouls. That said, the authors who write within the bounds of canon find very, VERY creative loopholes. Also the sheer level of pining (for penetration especially) might drive you insane no joke (proof: me). Mad respect to these authors- trust me this is sayin a lot coming from someone who actively prefers full-on penetration smut XD

2.) I am by no means a resource for canon- I watched both series YEARS ago, so my memory of the plot is shaky at best. What truly gripped me about this series is the Alutegra relationship, the true struggle in how to define their bond (or if it even can be, kudos to the fic authors that try). They are both utterly compelling characters in their own right within canon (truthfully I crush harder on Integra than Alucard) and i think the fandom absolutely recognizes that. Much of the gravitas of their bond is tied to canon, so most fics seem to understand/reflect this. No warm fuzzy coffee shop/high school AUs here folks, prepare yourselves for a truly smutty angst fest.

OK enough of that, to the smut! I'm really just commenting on the porn vs the plot so no summaries here. Oh and if any of you know the tumblr URLs of any of these authors lmk so i can tag them. Also im sure ive missed some gems, feel free to share and i'll look to add later

Welp, im going to hell and im taking you all with me- get sinning and enjoy the feast you horny hoes

One-shot porn

What It Wants and Where It Goes - by @crystallinee-waters

Femdom but goddamn its written in a way that made me ache. Alucard's sheer level of contrition, desperation for forgiveness goes beyond your standard simp energy. Top tier, i fucking LOVE how their relationship is depicted. and fun fact, i may have helped the author brainstorm some of the smuttier details <3<3

Mine - by @crystallinee-waters

Goddess at femdom and pining, but holy hell the way how explicit sexual content is approached is just *chefs kiss* I needn't remind you folks- consent is sexy as fuck and this authors fics are proof of that *sidenote - im keeping this list to smut but do yourself a favor and read ALL these authors fics, im a whore for her interpretation of their relationship

In This Darkness, I Have You by @goblins-riddles-or-frocks

What is the point of a vampire/human porn-rec list if you don't include menstrual cunnilingus smut? Also feels. Lots of feels.

Girls & Wolves by Calesvol

mmm hate-sex at its finest folks. Gotta fuck em into obedience yallwhatimsayin??

Homeostasis by Calesvol

A semi-sequel to Girls & Wolves. Very kinky smut but laced with hurt/comfort.

Kingdom of Heaven by Iggy_Lovechild

more hate-sex basically, yay. Also has a shit-ton of smutty one-shots, far too many to list- enjoy

A Queen's Throne by Anilucard

a smutty ode to Alucard's wicked, wicked tongue :D

With the Thorns Underneath by wllw

Holy femdom batman!

Loopholes by @and-i-write-sins

eyyy remember when i mentioned creative loopholes? LOL

you'd make a dead man come by valenstyne

LORD HAVE MERCY! i'll let the fic summary speak for itself: There’s more than one way to stake a vampire. Metaphorically speaking.

Pain by hypnonaut

lol this one just gets progressively kinky as it goes, but Alucard's adoration of Integra is both sweet & sexy

Tentacles of the Night by LaviniaLavender

eyyy remember when i mentioned tentacle porn? LOL

Simple Motions by @ironcladvalkyr

eyyy remember when i mentioned genderbending? but to expand on this this is probably one of the hottest things ive ever read and top tier aftercare/pillow talk

To be watched, in such silence by @ironcladvalkyr

short but smutty, the way Alucard goes on about how Integra turns him on is yums

darling, I wish you were red by @lunarcrystal

yay for cunnilingus and pining!

These fics from Cardinal_Daughter - you have to be logged in to see

Clingy - Timeline of their relationship via Integra POV.

Adore - post-canon angsty smut

Remembered - no smut but this was so achingly angsty i had to shout out

Multi chapter porn

And Though You Turn From Me - by @when-rivers-run-red

THE PINING, THE NOTICE ME SENPAI FEELS, THE TENTACLE PORN AUGHHHHHHHHH this one is a recent favorite folks, do not skip!!!

Eternal Sin by @therustycage

This post-canon multi-fic is one of my favs. Love the Alutegra interactions on how to tackle the obstacles presented in the finale, the pining, and the plot is definitely something to chew on. Slow-burn but tis a good burn

Embracing Sin by @therustycage

Sequel to Eternal Sin. Basically fluffy-porn and time travel. Delicious.

Satis by @lesmismignon

A heavy weight champ of Alutegra post-canon fics. Integra's POV on how she wrestles her feelings for Alucard- just INJECT that shit straight into my veins MMMM! Alucard's pining is top notch/the slow burn makes the smutty bits that much more exquisite. Honestly just read all her fics (one-shots) they're great

The Return by ButifulDeath

Post-canon porn with interesting plot, and fuckin hell dat smut is just *chefs kiss*

Samhain by ButifulDeath

fluffy porn one-shot sequel to The Return and it is hothothot

Like Real People Do by @my-mild-ginger

ahhh so i actually havent read this one yet as its a chonky 40 chapters (currently), seems much more fluff vs smut for those that prefer that balance

[nocek]

Don't spare us the long rant! We want to hear your thoughts!

Oh you are going to regret this ;P

So here goes my loooooooong angry rant about Taskmaster and also the Black Widow movie in general.

Let's start with my point of comparison. Captain America the Winter Soldier was a good movie. It's still in my top 3 Marvel movies as I'm sure is for many people. And statistically speaking everybody likes Bucky. He is like the most beloved side character right after Loki. I guess.

Anyway. My point is that Taskmaster and Winter Soldier have bit for bit the exact same building blocks: hypercompetent antagonist that is a serious threat to our hero who just can't win with in one on one combat. But then plot twist: our antagonist was just a victim and puppet without free will in hands of actual villain who is bland bureaucrat.

So why did Winter Soldier worked really really well and Taskmaster was just ehh.. ok?

Well the short answer is that catws was a much tighter movie that had clearer goal (and also that goal/theme was singular: good things get corrupted with time and sometimes you get to start over) compared to black widow which had to jump through too many hoops and still somehow managed it but it wasn't as graceful as it would be if they (as in executives) resigned from one or two hoops and flips and explosions.

And I'm omitting a BIG disadvantage of making a prequel movie about a character that they killed off in shitty way. Though that created one of extra hoops for them to jump through: quickly build up Yelena as a character.

And character build they did. Because srsly Yelena is awesome and I love her. BUT. That came at a price.

Lets compare to catws. The new character there is Sam (and kiiiiiiiinda also Natasha a bit but that's a topic for a different rant) who is nowhere near as well build as Yelena. At the beginning. Because he had time to be fleshed out and naturally grow in few different movies and then we got a deep dive in the Falcon and the Winter Soldier.

But Marvel can't give Yelena few movies because she will appear in Hawkguy an Hawkeye series and also Marvel is generally dividing their assets into: outer spaaaace, down to earth heros and magic stuff (aliens, androids and wizards ;P). But also they can only create so many things in a year.

So yeah. Yelena offtopic can be summarized that I love that we have her as we have her but it came at a cost of air time of the movie.

So comparing the movies again:

Catws had the theme of good things being corrupted with time. And the theme was underlined 3 times through Peggy, Bucky and then Shield/Hydra. Which are interconnected and also make nice scale from inner conflict of the main character to the outer conflict of the movie.

In Black Widow there is the topic of the past evil that never went away and is still taking away free will from people. And again we have it shown through 3 outlets: Yelena, Taskmaster and Black Widows. But there is also whole family subplot attached to Yelena and there is Red Room attached to Black Widows. So as you can see things are getting crowded. Which in turn make the theme a bit blurry.

I mean, sure, the Red Room should be the Shield equivalent. Even it could take smaller space because good Shield turns out to be evil Hydra is generally more time consuming to explain than Red Room bad. But still combining Red Room and Black Widows make things a bit crowded.

(There is a reason why the surprise subplot of there is more Winter Soldiers was in separate movie and was kinda handwaved and cut to minimum. But they couldn't do that here).

But it's time to stop my ranting about whole Black Widow movie and focus on comparing Taskmaster and Winter Soldier.

Because to be honest both are bare bones of character and more of an carte blanche in the movie. Both have barely any screen time yet there are colossal difference which stems out of:

first introduction: as I mentioned they are hypercompetent and unstoppable threat that you can't win with, you can only hope to run away (both done equally well)

programmable killing machine:

For Taskmaster we just get a scene with her watching other heroes fighting at the screen. For the sake of building up the mystery of character we think that "he" is just watching. Maybe learning or more likely just being creepy. The information about the chip and literal programming is given to us much later in the movie which makes this scene lose the power. idk how it will work on rewatch? Maybe better? Hopefully. right now there is too many new movies in cinemas to go for a rewatch and disney+ still isn't available here -.-

For Bucky we have literal torture scene. You just can't be more blunt than that. It also hammered the next point in.

there is human behind the mask:

Winter Soldier is introduced with full face mask which he gradually loses and then we have the big reveal of not only: that's a human but also that's a human our main hero cares about deeply.

With Taskmaster they fucked up it for chap plot twist. We are learning quite late that oh snap that's Antonia (that we don't really care about) and our main hero kinda feels guilty about her.

I think the big difference is what kind of character Steve and Nat are and also the way they reveal this secret. Steve actively recognizes Bucky by himself and is very openly shocked. Nat is passively told and shown that hey, this is Antonia. And there is no time in the movie for Nat (and for us) to be shocked because that's the 3rd act and we need time for explosions and stuff.

Besides, the problem is that all the big plot twist reveals are boring on rewatch (stil big props for Pacific Rim and giving us the monster reveal in like second minute of the movie, I will never not appreciate that).

Also on related shitty note. We the audience. Bucky is handsome and vulnerable and we can drool all over him (and oh man, we the fandom did a fair share of drooling). Antonia is disfigured and not sexualized in any way. Which I'm actually grateful for but there is no pretending that doesn't make a hell lot of difference. But that's a whole different, ugly and big topic I'm not remotely qualified to write about. I'm just angry ranting here.

they don't have free will:

For Winter Soldier we have amnesia + torture tropes which to be honest have been done over and over again and it shouldn't have worked as well as it worked. Bit it did. In context of Black Widow movie it worked because it was just one guy that actively broke through brainwashing with active help of the hero.

In Black Widow there is a lot of characters that are pasively "woken up" out of mind control over and over again by active protagonist. Unfortunately the repetition kinda cheapens it. Especially in comparison to main gut punch right in the feels scene in the other movie. Which is why it's not fair to compare the two.

So lets talk about lack of free will aspect itself. To be honest the mind control aspect in Black Widow was done really great from story perspective. Evil scientists perfected it to the point it being (bit handwavey but) completely impersonal but also completely dehumanizing to the subject. So I'm buying that it can be completely switched off in equally efficient and impersonal way. Even the way they explained it with Alexei the pig was great and terrifying... to a point. Because then kicked the main problem with this movie. Clearly some execs came and saw it and went whoa... that's too dark for pg13 blockbuster. Let's put some cheap jokes here. And it happens over and over again in this movie :S

humanizing flashback scene that ties them to main hero:

For Bucky, sure we had Captain America First Avenger but a movie needs to stand on it's own legs. That's why we have the flashback scene which shows us that Bucky cared about Steve. Leaving it at the narration in Smithsonian of "best friends since childhood" would be just telling us. And we needed to be shown and we needed a space for the "till the end of line" so it could come back and stab us right in the feels.

Also because we are ignoring previous movie Russos cleverly made us care about Winter Soldier because Steve cares about Winter Soldier. And we already know and like Steve so building up our main character gives us more mileage out of new bare bones character (because let's be honest, Winter Soldier is just that). Two birds one stone thing.

In Black Widow there is no such thing which IMHO is the main reason Taskmaster doesn't work. We just get information about cardboard cutout: insert cute little girl here (only told, not even shown actual cardboard) and all of the emotional connection to Natasha is: I know that my boss that I hate has a daughter, she got in the crossfire. Which means nobody cares.

All it would take is adding a short flashback scene. idk Dreykov is an asshole and doesn't care about Antonia but she is she cutest and most adorable little girl. She treats the Black Widows as older sisters. Hell if you want to make it more horrorish copy of the idea of Thor wanting to be a Valkyrie when he grows up or T'challa wanting to be a Dora Milaje. Little Antonia wants to be Black Widow when she grows up because they are badass and they are nice to her (and are also slightly confused by her) because she is nice to them and is only person that treats them as humans. Hell we could have short interaction between her and Nat. Just a smile between them would be enough.

You could get a lot of character buildup mileage out of such a short scene.

But it couldn't happen partially because the movie didn't have time for that but we didn't get that mostly because it would show us instead of telling that Nat killed a cute little innocent girl for her own personal gain. (well she thought she was destroying Red Room but mostly wanted to get away - vide she didn't check on Yelena or other widows. But I wouldn't hold that against her. It was put your oxygen mask first kind of situation. But still it would make her look bad)

Besides, that would take guts to actually show.

And technically they could have afforded to have that guts. That was last movie with Nat anyway. It would actually make this plotline about her feeling guilty about Dreykov's daughter and red in her ledger work. But well... It was last movie so they wanted to leave us with the most goodest and bleeding hartest and heartwarming mary sue version of Nat with just telling us without showing hey, she got dark past.

On the other hand if we had the rumored Endgame plotline of Nat running an orphanage. Damn that would tie to this plotline so well. We could tie the loose widows also. Dam we were robbed here I tell ya >.<

Ok I'm overdoing offtopic about Nat. Sorry

design

So yeah. Design wise Winter Soldier is like great. For Taskmaster, she sure looks cool but also kinda generic? If in 10 years you'd show me her and say it's antagonist from GI Joe or something I'll believe you :S (not touching the debate that in comics something something because unfortunately I don't know Taskmaster from comics. Although I hear that few recent ones were quite good so I'll check them out sooner or later)

snapping out of mind control

I mentioned before. It would be unfair and there is no point comparing main emotional scene of the movie versus means to an end that were repeated several times through a movie.

Natasha freeing Antonia even if she thought that Antonia will kill her because that would fair was great. What I'm annoyed is a cheap fakeout that went with that. It was just after the bombastic finale with explosions and all the cgi shit. Even without looking at the movie runtime it was obvious there will be no extra fight scene.

In catws it worked because the cgi pew pew extravaganza was a background noise and was part of a continuous fight. In BW helicarriers fell already, there was a second of dust settling and then Nat throws away the shield (uses that capsule). Tension just fell from highest place in a movie (quite literally lol), trying to rise it again for such a short moment just doesn't work.

But that's the general problem with Marvel movies. Bombastic CGI fest as grand finale that probably is "outsourced" and then actual director comes back and needs to end movie super quickly.

disappearing act at the end

So in catws there is mystery of what will Bucky do. We are given some hope since he dragged Steve out of river and visited the museum but thats all. I mean there is this annoying Marvel thing of skipping over the interesting ending of last movie and starting with next plot point. We were hoping for the grand roadtrip/hunt for Bucky but nope. We must run ahead with all the plotlines (same way I'm sure that the Spiderman is Peter Parker and he killed a guy thing will be already dealt with in the beginning of the next movie -.-) But that's bonus mini rant.

In BW they needed to wrap up to many plot lines too quickly so Antonia wakes up and that's all. We don't get a suggestion what she may do. The problem of the chip she still has installed is omitted. There is nothing. She just fucks off to lalaland with other Black Widows the end. Because we needed ending for Nat's actual family which was ok but also kinda rushed.

As I mentioned waaaay before (god, this rant is pretty long) too many hoops to jump through.

Which really sucks because if they added that one flashback scene just for Antonia and spared few more minutes for the overall ending it would work so much more better.

And I even know where they could have saved few minutes (besides the explosions thingies). The supply guy. One extra character in a movie with too many characters. In catws the supply problem (with wings) was solved with nbd shrug. If you wanted to show that Nat has her own web of contacts it should be more than one guy. IDK in Budapest there could be 10 second scene with neighbor saying hi nice to see you again we reinforced the walls after last time. In Norway we could see her visiting some special secret supply stash run by some rando before getting to the mobile home.

But oh she was on the run so that would be too many people. Then cut the people entirely. The shitty helicopter can be worked around with joke that I'm not on speaking terms with Stark rn and that's the best we can have on short notice.

Eh.. side rant again. Sorry.

So to wrap it up. I actually really would love to see what will happen with the loose Black Widows and Antonia because here they were really underdeveloped. And while widows were more of a group hero and we have Yelena as a representative so in a way it balances out but Taskmaster needed so little extra care to make her character so much better and I'm a tiiiiiiny bit salty about it.

[the-sinking-ship]

Tag!

Tagged by @tackytigerfic @iero0 and @maesterchill, thanks friends!! I loved reading your answers!

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

12

2. What is your total Ao3 word count?

376,879 (but that’s gonna jump WAY UP as soon as I get my Big Bang posted! *rubs hands together*)

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Well, if we’re being honest, many. I may or may not have a couple pseuds gathering dust somewhere. But there was a minute where I wrote SPN fic. Now I’m just writing HP.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Criminal, Stupid Love, Chasing Dragons, Intention, Sweet Indulgence

5. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I… usually don’t. HEAR ME OUT. I have reasons: 1) I don’t know how to reply to compliments because on the inside I’m screaming in joy, but on the outside, I’m grinning awkwardly with too many teeth in the sort of way that makes you want to back away slowly. 2) My natural response of Asldfjsoleijfaj thank you :sobbing face emoji: doesn’t come close to expressing the actual gratitude I feel when people take time out of their day to tell me their favourite lines, the places where their hearts stopped, the way they stayed up all night to finish a story. So no, I don’t respond to comments. But I do read them. Multiple times. I carry them with me and reread them when I’m feeling low or questioning why the hell I ever thought I was any good at this writing thing. My heart goes pitter patter every time I see that little AO3 notification in my inbox, even if I never know what to say in response.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

NONE. ONLY HAPPY ENDINGS IN MY HOUSE.

7. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve ever written?

No, not really. I guess I did write a Drarry Clueless AU called ‘Tis a Far Better Thing, but I wouldn’t call it a crossover. More like an homage firmly grounded in the HP universe.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Oh sure, but nothing too drastic. I’ve received some distressed responses to the end of Criminal, which is ludicrous to me because I was quite proud of how that one wrapped up. Perhaps it just wasn’t what they expected.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

*slow smirk* Yes. I write the smut. All the emotionally charged, highly explicit smut I can cram into a fic. In fact, I don’t have any intentions of writing smutless fic. For my stories, the smut is an essential device in expressing a character’s unfiltered perception of another character, of themselves, and their desires. And it’s hot. Love to read it, write it, everything. All of it. Give it to me.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No! Don’t do that! Not nice.

11. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I’d love to!

12. What’s your all time favorite ship?

*sigh* I mean, I write a LOT of Drarry. That was my gateway ship. But… can’t they all be my favourite? *Clutches Johnlock, Drarry, Destiel, Spideypool, Hannigram, Starker and all my problematic faves to my chest*

13. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter. My first love with whom I have reunited at last.

14. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

I will pretty much always cite whatever my most recent fic is when asked this. But Chasing Dragons is probably my current favourite. I carved out a chunk of my soul and threw it at my laptop to make that fic.

I’m going to tag some people, if you feel up to it. No pressure, of course! And as always, apologies for any duplicates. @fw00shy @jackvbriefs @thusspoketrish @nv-md @lou-isfake @xanthippe74 @onbeinganangel @the-starryknight @ladderofyears @thesleepiesthufflepuff @peachpety @vukovich @wheezykat @drarryruinedme7 @pineau-noir

[itsclydebitches]

Turns out you we're right, RWBY Volume 8 was the volume of desertion. Twiins Ink and Unicorn of War, two youtubers that have jumped ship after the latest volume (well UOW said they were taking a long break). Why do you think this was the breaking point for so many people?

Oh yeah, I’ve heard mention of that! I don’t watch either of their stuff, but I’m sorry for those who enjoy -- and are now losing -- their content. 

There really are a lot of people jumping ship, huh? I mentioned this in some ask a while back, but I’d guess that it has something to do with these problems impacting characters the majority of the fandom enjoys. Volume 6 was a problem for me because of how Ozpin and Oscar were treated... but a good chunk of the fandom hates Ozpin and is meh about Oscar. Volume 7 was a problem for me because of how it handled Ironwood and continued to praise the group for stupid stuff... but a good chunk of the fandom hates Ironwood and thinks the group is faultless, just as the show intends. 

Now, compare that to Volume 8: 

The group is still being praised, but now it’s for literally sitting around. It’s like a combination of Volume 5 (fans frustrated with presumably boring, passive content) and an uncomfortable look at what some of us have said since Volume 6: is the group really acting heroic? Defending their choice to steal an airship to (supposedly) save the world is easier to do than defending their choice to sit around in a mansion while the world burns. People still did it, definitely, but the longer they stayed the harder that got

Oscar finally gets some development, but it’s tied up in retconning Ozpin’s cane, having him save the day instead of Ruby, and a contradictory statements about who took on the torture

Oscar was also, you know, tortured and a lot of people weren’t comfortable with that 

Ironwood’s everything. There’s definitely a ton of fans who have considered him a baddie since his introduction and were thrilled to see him fall, but the people who considered him a hero and were disappointed in the swerve are sizable too. Combine that with the let down from Volume 7 wherein we moved from a morally gray Ironwood to a cartoon villain Ironwood 

Even those who absolutely despise his character didn’t get the satisfaction of actually seeing him die on screen 

Penny’s everything too. The fandom loves her and many were willing to overlook the terrible hacking arc, but turning her human was obviously a divisive decision. And then she died! Again! Literally what was the point of any of that? 

Just to top things off, Jaune is the one who helps in an assisted suicide. This has the dual problem of upsetting fans who are sick of Jaune stealing the spotlight (in a volume where Ruby did incredibly little) and those who, like with Oscar’s torture, were uncomfortable with the suicide itself

The end of the volume didn’t get a lot of people excited for Volume 9. Partly because (again) Jaune is along for the ride, more-so because there’s an expectation that RWBYJ will be missing out on all the real action happening in Vacuo. This also means two of the characters a lot of fans are excited for, Emerald and Sun, may not appear until Volume 10

Not enough death and destruction as expected for the next Fall, with the exception of killing off the one character who’d already been through that (Penny) and our arguably most entertaining villain (Watts)

As for Cinder... she’s always divisive. Her backstory (coming way too late), losing to Penny (another annoying defeat), only to win when the plot needed her to (that doesn’t make sense), is a mess 

No bees confirmation. The frustration for that is reaching its peak 

Dropped plot-lines that fans, while not thrilled about for some reasons, were nevertheless excited about for others. That includes the Hound being killed so quickly and no Qrow vs. Ironwood fight

Speaking of the Hound, when the grimm!Summer theory dropped a lot of fans (myself included) went, “lol fun crack theory but that would be ridiculous to actually do in canon” and then they... did it

So I think it’s a lot of stuff going on at once: 

The sheer number of controversial decisions this volume 

The fact that this stuff is now impacting more popular characters, not just characters the majority of the fandom dislikes or is indifferent to

The sustained nature of the bad writing. Some fans are only just starting to go, “I hope Volume 9 is better than that...” but others are at the, “We had that hope back in Volume 5/6/7 and it hasn’t gotten better, so...” 

RWBY’s insensitive handling of certain topics, another long-term problem that fans are reaching a breaking point with: no Blake/Yang confirmation, Marrow makes comments about being “collared” before he’s beat up by Winter, the triple amputee with PTSD is the villain, etc. 

Finally, top it all off with RT’s numerous controversies lately, both the big (their workplace environment) and the small (joking about killing Ironwood off). If the company looks bad, what they produce looks bad too

Actually, finally finally toss in a beyond stressful pandemic whose main preventative measure means that a lot of people have been home for the last year watching tons of TV. Arguably better TV. The combination of “I need things that unambiguously make me happy right now, no drama” and “I’ve binged so much quality stuff I didn’t have time for before” might have had some fans looking at RWBY in a new light 

[love-fireflysong]

It be June 3rd now, and would you look at that, the second of my prompts is already up! Who’d a thunk it? Anyway, as successfully guessed by the lovely @torahime here is 5 + 1! And as by the nature of this trope in general, this one ended up long. Like crazy loooooooong. (Also I’m a moron who didn’t understand what the prompt meant for like a week. I kept trying to figure out what the hell the number six had to do with anything, and when I finally googled it out of desperation, all I saw were the words ‘five times’ in the first link and I immediately felt ashamed of myself. I should have known. Why didn’t I know?)

Anyways, you can read the long-ass fic in question at ao3 over here: Do You Ever Wonder What Could Have Been? You can also read this one under the cut, but considering the length I wouldn’t recommend it asdhaskdjh The next one should be much shorter due to the fact that like the first one, I blanked for ideas completely lol.

Do You Ever Wonder What Could Have Been?

Trope: 5 + 1 Fandom: Until Dawn Characters: Ashley Brown, Chris Hartley, Josh Washington (all the other kids also make an appearance but due to them only having like one scene and a single line each I’m not tagging them) Words: 12733 Rating: Teen (though I think I’m being pretty damn generous with that rating tbh) Authors Notes: Yes you’re reading that word count right. Almost thirteen thousand words. Don’t ask how I managed to write this in 5 days, I have no fucking idea. Just take this fic about two nerds being morons in love and mutually pining over each other for six. fucking. years.

Chris is fourteen and so goddamn tired of this stupid crush on his best friend. It's been a whole year now since he met her, and he hates that this stupid, silly, little, crush of his hasn't abated at all. He doesn't even know why he likes her in the first place! It's just Ashley after all, there is absolutely no reason to feel this tongue-tied around his best friend. It's Ash: with her braces, arms always full books (when her head wasn't buried in one that is), stringy red hair, wide green eyes, who sometimes snorts when he tells a joke, freckles that dot her nose and shoulders and—

Okay, he was maybe getting a little side-tracked here. The point was, there was 100% absolutely no reason to feel this way about her. In fact, he bets this was all Josh's fault in the first place! Yeah! That was it! None of this would be happening if Josh hadn't basically kidnapped Ashley from her true home in the library and forced him to meet her! 

...But then he wouldn't have met her. And stupid crush aside, she is pretty much the only girl he knows who laughs at all his jokes and helps him with his English homework sometimes. He likes knowing her and likes being her friend even more, he just doesn't like liking her. And maybe that was it? Maybe he just likes Ashley cause she's the only girl who willingly hangs out with him and Josh, and isn't Josh's sisters. 

And that's what he's going to prove today once and for all. He heard from Josh that Hannah was absolutely adamant that everyone was going to play spin-the-bottle at her and Beth's birthday party in a couple of days. And that everyone meant not only the people that the twins invited for said party, but also the people that Josh invited over (ie: Chris and Ash) so he would have some company during the twins big b-day bash. Chris was going to find Ashley and explain that losing their first kiss over a game like spin-the-bottle was just so not cool, and that maybe kissing each other first would just be a way better and smarter idea of doing things. And once he kissed her he would finally realize that yup, Ash was just one of the guys and that was so fucking gross and they were totally never ever going to do that again.

Perfect idea. Fool proof even. No way that this was totally going to backfire into his face. Absolutely none at all!

So when he finds Ashley sitting and reading under her usual tree just outside of the school, he is so sure of the success of his ingenious plan that he brings it up right away. 

"I think we should kiss before Hannah and Beth's party."

See! Right away! Straight to the point. He has got this shit in the bag baby!

Ashley looks up at him, clearly a little startled from reading her book and squints at him. "Huh? Chris? Is that you?" For a second he's a little confused about how Ash doesn't even recognize him, but then he quickly realizes that he's probably got the sun directly at his back so she can't see him clearly and he awkwardly shuffles to the left a little so she can see him better. "Oh! Hey Chris, what was that you said earlier? I got so absorbed that I didn't really hear a thing you said, sorry." While she doesn't close her book, she does give an embarrassed little laugh that makes his stomach flip-flop just a little and starts to weaken at the cracks of his once fool-proof plan.

He finds himself messing with the strap on his bookbag as he tries to ignore the butterflies fluttering around in his stomach. 'Um, I asked if you were going to the twins' birthday party this weekend." Okay, falling a little behind schedule now, but it's fine. No problem.

"I mean, I wasn't exactly invited, but yeah. A whole night of graphic horror movies to drown out the sounds of screaming pre-teens. I honestly can't think of a better way to spend a Saturday night." The absolute dryness of her tone has Chris smiling.

"Oh come on Ash, it's not gonna be that bad."

"Our choices are either to hang out with a bunch of kids who have basically never talked to us ever, or watch Josh's disgusting horror movies Chris."

"Well, I mean, when you put it that way...actually, no. The screaming pre-teens sound like a safer bet honestly." The little snort of laughter she lets out only has Chris pushing the butterflies down harder. God, he is going to be so glad when those stupid things finally leave him alone. "And well, from what Josh said, it sounds like horror isn't the only thing planned for that evening."

"It isn't? You mean he's actually opening up to other movie genre options? Shocking. I truly never thought I would see the day."

"Ha, I wish. Nah, I was, um, talking about what the girls—well, what Hannah wanted to play. Actually." Great. And now he's starting to blush. Really keeping with the rails of his plan there!

"What Hannah...? Oh! You're, uh, talking about the spin-the-bottle game." Ashley brings her lower lip into her mouth and pushes some hair behind her ear. "Yeah, Josh mentioned something about that."

Perfect, one less thing he had to explain. That would speed things up immensely. "Honestly, between you and me? I think it's a stupid idea."

Ashley nods her head vigorously in agreement. "I know right! I mean, who wants to kiss some stranger over a bottle of all things? Can you imagine losing your first kiss to some person who probably doesn't have a single idea who you are in the first place? God that would be awful." Oh man, things are lining up right for him! Ashley's even on the same page and this next part is going to be so easy— "That's why I asked Josh if I could kiss him first instead when he told me a couple of days ago."

Wait. Waitwaitwait wait . She already asked Josh?! "Oh, wow. You were, uh, really thinking ahead there huh?" God, he could feel every ounce of determination he had slowly deflating out of his body. There was no way he could ask her now, absolutely no way! Ashley was gonna think that Chris wanted to kiss her—or worse, liked her! And okay he kind of did, but this was supposed to prove the exact opposite. That this was just stupid hormones and puberty really messing with his life and not something else.

"Of course, there was absolutely no way I was gonna have my first kiss with some popular buttface who was just gonna make fun of me behind my back afterwards. Better to have it with Josh, who would also make fun of me, but at least it would be to my face." Ashley starts to return to her book, flipping a page but stops halfway through. "Wait. Were you going to ask me the same thing?" She sounds a little unsure and a little of something else he can't place right now because he's too busy trying not to panic. 

"What? No! God no! Of-of course not!" Oh god, was his voice seriously choosing to crack now? He really, really hoped that the shade being cast from the tree was enough to hide how red his face was. He needed to get out of here and quick .

"I-I-I mean, it's not like it was good or anything—"

"Think I should probably go now anyway."

"It was, like, really wet and-and-and like so bad. Super awkward honestly."

"Lots of things to do. Lots and lots of things to do in fact!"

"I mean, we could still, uh, k-k-kiss? If you want to...?"

"Nope!" Chris was honestly looking everywhere except at Ashley right now, which was fine because she was currently in the middle of trying to hide behind her book. "There's absolutely no reason to do that. Because, because... I already kissed Josh too!"

"...you did?"

"Yup! Totally did. Just came over to see what you had planned to do about it actually. And because you're so much smarter than me, you had totally already done the same thing. So no reason for me to still bother you after all! None whatsoever! So I'll just let you get back to your book. And the battle between the uh, vampire and the, um, cowboy? Riveting stuff I bet."

"Um, yeah. But—"

"I'll just, uh, see you tomorrow then, I guess. Bye!"

Chris thinks he catches a wave of disappointment flash across her face when she returns his farewell, but he's already basically fled half away across the yard to find Josh so he doesn't think about it too much. And it turns out that Ashley is right, kissing Josh is wet and pretty fucking awful in the end. Which should only prove his idea that kissing her would have been just as bad and awkward.

So why does he feel like it would have actually been the complete opposite?

"I'm going to fail."

Ashley rolled her eyes as she struggled not to laugh. "Oh my god, you're not gonna fail Chris."

Chris didn't even deign to raise his head from where he had face-planted it into the open book only moments before, letting his words come out muffled and flat. "I am Ash. I am going to bomb this exam so hard that they're gonna make me repeat ninth grade."

Ashley groaned, but it was more of an attempt to hide her amusement than out of any exasperation, as she tried to lift Chris back into a sitting position and wasn't laid out prostrated over the table. "Okay first of all, get your dumb face out of that book. Ms. Norman is not gonna be happy with either of us if she discovers your drool all over the pages of the only half-decent copy of Lord of the Flies that the school library has." Once she finally has finally managed to prop Chris into a halfway decent sitting position, she moves the book closer to her in case he decides to try smashing his face into it again. "Second of all, I'm pretty sure that the school's not going to make you repeat the grade just because you failed English, your grades in everything else are high enough that they'll definitely pass you. That, and there is no way that the teachers would let Josh move on to high school of all things without supervision."

"...That is a scarily good point."

"And thirdly, there is absolutely no way I would be able to get through the next four years of school with you in my grade," she teases him with a poke in the arm. "I mean can you imagine? Having to go to class everyday knowing you're going to be there with me? I can't think of anything more terrifying honestly."

Chris gives a startled laugh. "Gee, thanks Ash. Really appreciate that vote of confidence. Making my self-esteem soar over here. And also, I for one can think of something way more terrifying."

"Really?" Ashley says as she crosses her arms across her chest and levels him with a disbelieving look. "Well go on then, try me. Cause I can promise you that there is absolutely nothing more terrifying—"

"Me and Josh in the same grade as you."

Ashley just blanches. "Oh god. You're right. That is so much worse and the idea of this even happening is now going to give me nightmares for the rest of my life."

"Oh please, it wouldn't be that bad."

"It would. It so would. And to prevent this we need to double down on you studying for your English final so that this cataclysmic event never occurs."

It's Chris's turn to roll his eyes as he slumps down even further into his seat. "That's what I was doing earlier until you stopped me."

"What? Planting your face into the middle of the book?"

"Exactly. Decided to try out a new method cause the other one wasn't certainly working. Learning by osmosis."

Ashley shoves her face into the palms of her hands to try and stop her giggles. It didn't work, not by a long shot, but it at least smothered them a bit. "You can't just read a book by trying to absorb it into your skin, that's not how things work at all!"

"And how would you know that Ash? Have you ever even tried?" Chris scoffs.

"Of course I haven't you dork! I haven't tried because that's not even possible!"

 "Um, sounds to me like someone just isn't open to new ideas."

"Oh my god. Can we please get back to studying and making sure you don't fail. I for one would really like to get back to that." Ashley starts to put the copy of the book back between the middle of them where they can both read it easily. "Okay, so chapter eight is where the divide between the boys finally reaches a boiling point after seeing the 'monster' on the mountain in the last chapter. They argue over whether Ralph should still be left in charge and Jack leaves in a huff."

Chris groaned as he tossed his glasses onto the table so he could throw his arm over his eyes. "Starting to think that Jack has the right idea here." he grumbled.

Ashley ignored him. "Some of the other boys follow after him and form their own tribe with Jack as its chief further down the beach. As a group, the hunters then fall into a savage frenzy when they go hunting and kill a sow, with Roger dealing the killing blow."

"By driving his spear into the thing’s ass," Chris helpfully supplied.

Ashley sighed. "Yes, by doing that. Good to know you're at least remembering some things, but do you remember what happened next?"

Though she couldn't see with Chris's arm in the way, she knew that he was narrowing his eyes in concentration. "Ummm, they... eat the pig?"

Ashley groaned and fought very hard against the impulse to smack her forehead into the center of the table. " Chris . "

"What? Do they not eat the thing? I mean, why even hunt it if they're not gonna eat it?"

"Chris, what they do next is the lead up for what is often considered the most important scene in the entire book! How can you not remember?!"

"I don't know Ash! Kind of think I was distracted by the whole 'shoving a spear into a sow's anus' part!"

"They leave its head on a stake in the jungle as an offering to the beast! This is what creates the Lord of the Flies that Simon sees later that night!"

"Oh right, that. Yeah that sounds a little familiar now that you mention it."

"A little—" Ashley stops fighting against the earlier urge and places her heavy head into her hands in despair. "You literally had to read this book last month! How could you have forgotten so much already?"

Chris groans and drapes himself over the back of his chair. "This is hopeless Ash. I appreciate the help I really do, but I think it's time we face the inevitable and just take a page out of this book."

"What, I stick your head on a pike and be done with you?"

The snort that Chris makes in surprise is enough to bring a tired smile to Ashley's face. "Leaving you to deal with Josh alone? Ha, you wouldn't. Nah, I was talking about just making an offering to the exam gods out there. Think they'll be the best bet I have to pass this shitty ass final."

Ashley removes her head from her hands to give him a withering look. "If we're going that route, you want a kiss for good luck too? Probably work just as well as those gods of yours."

There's an awkward pause, and at first Ashley can't figure out why but then the words finally hit her. She feels her face start to burn and she places her head back into her hands so she doesn't have to look at Chris anymore. Oh god, she can't believe she just said that. Why would she even say that in the first place?! It's a damn good thing that Chris isn't wearing his glasses right now, the heat from her face alone is making her feel like she's about to combust as it is, and him seeing that would probably push her over that physical boundary.

"I-I mean, if you think it will help..." Chris sounds almost bashful when he says it and Ashley snaps her head to him in shock.

"I—" Ashley isn't quite sure what she's trying to say, and is interrupted when her phone buzzes with an incoming text message. She immediately jumps up from her chair and starts grabbing at her things. "Oh man, that's probably my mom here to pick me up. I should really get going."

"Uh, yeah. Yeah! No reason for me to stay if you aren't so I guess I should head out too." Chris starts picking up his stuff too, putting his glasses back onto his face as he shoves his books into his bag.

By nature of having brought less than Chris to help him study, Ashley finishes cleaning first but doesn't leave right away. Chris had said it was fine after all. And sure, maybe he was just desperate for anything that will help him pass his final, but he said it would be fine. So steeling herself, Ashley leans down and leaves a quick but chaste kiss on Chris's cheek.

"For luck!" She manages to squeak out as she all but runs out the doors of the library to the school's entrance where her mom will be waiting for her, too scared to even look back. 

Chris should have known that something was up the moment Josh brought it up: 'Hey, how about you and Ash hang out at my house this weekend instead?' Innocent sounding sure, but he really, really should have known better. Josh never pushed for hang outs at his place, it had always been an agreed upon rule that Hannah and Beth got their place, while Josh preferred to host their get togethers and his and Ash's own houses. It was just the thing that was done and everyone had been more than happy with how it was. Had it been any other time, Chris would like to think that he would have totally seen right through Josh's plan and offered up his place instead.

But Josh's parents were almost never around either, and that meant staying up late and talking and goofing around without parents warning them to go to sleep. Which most importantly meant staying up late and talking to Ashley, because that hadn't been a thing that the three of them had been able to do a whole lot recently. It was still so weird not seeing Ash around in the school halls, not being able to hang out at lunch, and not meeting up after school all the time. It felt like there was something huge missing and it bothered him (just as much as it bothered Josh, not that he would ever say anything about it). The two of them wandering the hallowed halls of high school while she was still stuck back in their middle school just felt so wrong .

So when Josh had brought up a weekend hang out, Chris (and Ashley) had accepted right away. Which, judging from the fact that Josh had somehow managed to weasel the two of them into playing a game of Truth or Dare with him, had been a huge mistake.

"Well, well, well. It seems the time has come. So let's get on with it shall we?" Josh rubbed his hands gleefully together in the dim light of the bedroom (for atmosphere he had claimed) as the three of them sat in a circle. A seemingly innocuous plate of cookies sitting in the middle of them, and knowing better then to trust Josh, both Chris and Ash had been eyeing the cookies warily for the past few minutes. Not that Josh seemed to notice or care of course. "Seeing as I'm the one who set up elegant little ritual—"

"You forced us into playing a stupid game dude, there's nothing elegant or ritualistic about it."

Josh ignored him, unsurprisingly. "I'll go first of course. So Ash, truth or dare?"

"What are the cookies for Josh?" Ashley asked nervously as she continued to eye the plate instead of answering him.

"That's not important. And anyways, it's my turn Ash. So I'll ask again: truth or dare Ashley?"

Ashley raised her eyes from the plate to transfer her nervous and mistrustful stare to him. "...truth," she answered slowly.

"Oh ho ho! So truth it is! Well then Ash, tell me: have you got any secrets you've been dying to share with us?"

Chris could immediately tell that the question had hit a sore spot on some sort, shoulders locked and her body stiff. "You know I'm not gonna answer that one. Pass."

Josh shook his head, a devious smile on his lips. "Nope. Nuh uh Miss Brown. That's not how this game works. If you're gonna pass then I'm gonna have to ask that you take a cookie in return."

"...I'm sorry, what? "

He waved a hand down towards the plate of cookies. "These, my dearest chums, are the fabled Truth or Dare cookies. Anytime one of us refuses to act out what is asked of us, we must then take a cookie in penance."

At first, Ashley doesn't move. She continues to dart her eyes suspiciously between Josh and the plate of cookies, but eventually slowly does reach out and hesitantly grab a chocolate cookie from the plate. She holds it up closer to her face to investigate it further, and Chris watches as all the tension she had stored up just evaporates from her as she physically deflates. "Oh my god, are you actually being serious right now Josh? ‘Dare’ brand cookies? Really? Why in the world are you trying to be so ominous when you went with a pun as lame as using Dare cookies in a game of truth or dare?"

"Wait, really?" Chris reaches out to grab one for himself but Josh smacks his hand away with a grin. 

"So sorry Cochise, but these are only for if you refuse. And trust me, you don't want to refuse." Josh turns back to Ashley. "Oh, and don't eat that just yet." 

In response, she just shrugs and leans back, but keeps the chocolate crème filled cookie in her hand as she looks between Chris and Josh. "It's my turn now, right? Okay, so—"

Josh cuts her off. "Nope, still mine. Now, Chris—"

"What? That's not how this stupid game works Josh!"

Josh waves her off. "You didn't answer my question Ash, or eat the cookie, so it's still my turn."

"But you just told me not to eat the stupid thing!"

Josh ignores her as he keeps his attention squarely on Chris. Who, to his own shame, has begun squirming in his seat in dread of what's going to come. "Well, Chris: truth or dare?"

Chris tosses the options over in his head. Both are terrible obviously, but playing this game with Josh of all people never ends well, so he decides to go with his gut instead. "Dare."

"Ooooh, feeling a little gutsy are we? That's fine, I can work with that. I dare you to... return the favour and do one thing you've been thinking about alllllllll summer."

Personally, Chris is finding it a miracle that he hasn't reached over and tried to strangle Josh yet, but he has a feeling that has more to do with the fact that he's trying not to shrivel up on the floor and die than out of any mercy. Even though Josh for some reason worded it in a really convoluted way, he just literally dared him to kiss Ash. It was so obvious that he was frankly amazed that Ashley hadn't figured it out yet.

Because of course he still thought about that kiss for good luck that Ash had given him in the library. He thought about it nearly all the damn time! Hell, Chris was pretty sure that the reason he had even passed his final even a little bit was because of the kiss. Not because it was good luck or anything, but because whenever a question appeared on the exam that asked about the themes or some shit about Lord of the Flies, he kept getting sent back into that library where Ashley had been drilling the same stuff into him just before she had kissed his cheek.

And there is absolutely no way that he's gonna kiss Ash in Josh's bedroom. No way in hell. Especially not when it's gonna reveal that he had been thinking about what was more than likely a super innocent and helpful gesture on her part.

So glaring at Josh, Chris reaches forward and without a word grabs a vanilla cookie. And for some strange reason, this only causes Josh's smile to widen. "I see, so that's what you both went with huh? Anyways, I think it's about time you take your 'reward' and chow down!"

Exchanging a confused look with Ashley, Chris nonetheless shrugs and pops the entire thing into his mouth and bites down.

And realizes in a horrifying instant that this is not a vanilla cookie.

There's a flash of light that blinds him for a second, and when the spots clear he sees Josh holding a camera and laughing his ass off.

"What the—? Is this fucking mayo dude?!" And it must be, because this is not what a vanilla cookie should ever taste like. While the cookie portion itself is okay if not a little soft, the crème is way too oily and eggy to be anything but mayo. Josh doesn't answer his question right away, but that's from a combo of laughing way too hard and being distracted by Ash trying not to retch in the middle of the bedroom floor.

"Oh my god! You put soy sauce in a cookie?! What is wrong with you Josh?!" She's up in a second and rushing to the garbage can near Josh's desk, and Chris is quick to join her in trying to spit everything out. "I'm never going to get this salt out of my mouth! Why would you even do that?!"

"Cause it's fucking hilarious that's why!" Josh is still laughing as he takes a look at the picture he took on the camera, and starts laughing harder. "Oh fucking hell, this was glorious. Oh wasting those two questions just for this picture was so worth it. Best decision I could have made!

"Now you two get your asses back over here! I spent hours on these cookies after all, and I am not letting them go to waste. We've got hours my friends, and so many questions and dares to get through."

Chris shares a look with Ashley over the garbage bin, both of them now obviously wondering if keeping their own secret had been worth having to eat those cookies, and if they still would have passed their turn knowing what exactly laid in store for them. While he certainly couldn't say a thing about her, Chris wasn't so sure if not kissing Ash and enduring all the fallout that would have resulted in was worth the terrible combination of vanilla and mayo in his mouth. He supposed he would never know, it was too late to simply retract his pass after all.

And well, he really didn't want to kiss Ash when she had just been tricked into eating a bunch of soy sauce.

You know, Ashley kind of figured that once she entered high school all of these stupid games would be done with. Surely high schoolers were too mature and too old to be playing childish games like spin-the-bottle or seven minutes in heaven? And yeah, obviously Chris and Josh weren't, but that was them and they were in a class all their own. But Hannah? And Sam and Beth? She would have thought that they were way too cool to be playing spin-the-bottle of all things, especially Beth.

And yet, here Ashley was: squeezed in between Matt and Sam as Matt spun the bottle around on the now extremely sticky hardwood floor. She wasn't stupid, she knew the entire reason the game was even being played in the first place; Hannah had been making eyes at Mike all through the evening and well into the game after all. She just didn't think that anyone else would have been stupid enough to go along with the game when Hannah suggested it. 

(Ashley knew very well why she had reluctantly agreed to play, she just didn't know why anyone else did.)

Though to be fair, it didn't seem like the game was gonna last much longer anyway. Emily and Jess had started scrolling through their phones ages ago, showing each other whatever was on the other's screen every few minutes and the two of them laughing. Mike had been tapping a really off-rhythm beat on his jeans with the straw from his can of soda and staring into space, while Hannah stared lovesick at him . Beth was starting to doze on Sam's shoulder, not that either seemed too concerned about it, and Sam was nervously eyeing all the spilt pop and chips around them that they were gonna have to clean up before they went to bed. Unsurprisingly, Chris was also scrolling through his phone, snickering every now and then as Ashley felt her phone buzz in the pocket of her hoodie whenever he sent whatever it was that he found funny to her and Josh. Josh meanwhile, had joined Matt in building a rather shaky—if not impressive—tower out of discarded plastic cups, straws, and paper plates.

Ashley yawned behind her hand as the bottle slowed it's spin. She had been ready to drop out of the game a round or two back, but hadn't yet because she didn't want to deal with the others teasing her on being a sore loser who backs down the moment the bottle didn't land on the person she wanted it to. Which would lead to Chris asking who it was even though everyone else already knew who because it was glaringly obvious to everyone except him. The sound of the bottle stopping its spin managed to get everyone's attention as they looked at the neck of the bottle pointed squarely at Mike. 

Everyone made the expected ' oooooooh ' and wolf whistles that everyone always did in this game, though quieter than they might have usually. Bob and Melinda were sleeping upstairs after all, and the last thing any of them wanted to do was wake them up and have them discover that despite it being nearly three in the morning, that the ten of them were still awake as the snow storm raged outside the lodge. Nonetheless, Matt and Mike both rolled their eyes and leaned over Josh who sat in the middle of them with a groan. Mike also didn't hesitate to take Matt's face into his hands and just plant one firmly on his mouth with no fanfare, other than the continued wolf whistles of course, and the two of them settled back down to their previous antics. 

With that done, Ashley stared down nervously at the bottle. Once again, she felt the words stick in her throat. It would just be so easy to say "Oh man you guys, it's really late, I should really just go to bed" but let them die without a fight as she swallowed nervously and gave the bottle a hard flick. She knew exactly why she let the words die, and it wasn't solely because of what the others would say, though that was certainly a large part of it. No, it was because of the same glimmer of hope that sparked in her everytime it was her turn at this stupid game. That maybe this would be the time that the bottle would land on Chris, that she would finally get that kiss she's wanted for three years now.

She watches the bottle spin around the group, slowing its motion every full spin, and she notices that Chris has turned his attention away from his phone to watch it almost as nervously as she is. Which should probably make her question just why Chris is as just as invested on who it's gonna land on as she is, but she's kind of distracted right now by the fact that her heart is rapidly picking up pace in direct contrast to how much slower the bottle is getting. And feels it stop almost entirely when the bottle begins its last revolution and she knows. She knows . It's finally gonna land on Chris. All these years of playing this stupid, stupid game and it's finally happening.  

Ashley's eyes shoot up to meet Chris's over the bottle, but that's also when the lodge suddenly plunges into darkness just before the bottle stops on him.

Immediately, the others are screaming next to her and the tower of cups and plates fall with a soft clatter.

"Oh my god! What the fuck was that?!"

"Holy fuck! Can you guys see anything?"

"Of course we can't see anything Michael!"

"It's probably just the storm you guys. Settle down."

"Can you guys please quiet down? My parents are sleeping and they're gonna kill us if they find out we're still awake."

Ashley isn't yelling though, because she's too busy screaming internally. There is no way that this is actually happening right now. There is no goddamn way. The bottle finally lands on Chris and the power goes out? Because of some stupid storm? She wanted to scream. She has half a mind to reach out and hold the bottle in place so there's proof of this when the power comes on, or to just jump over the distance and kiss Chris anyway. She knows exactly where he is after all, and he must have seen it land on him. He must have, right? It's that little second of uncertainty that decides for her, there's a sound as someone gets up and the flat 'thunk' as they accidentally kick the bottle across the room.

"Shit. My bad. You guys stay here, I'll go and check out the back-up generator in the basement. You coming, Cochise?"

Ashley can hear Chris awkwardly and quickly getting to his feet. "Um, y-yeah. Right behind you, bro."

The two of them walk away leaving Ashley to sit on the floor about to scream from the frustration of it all. And she does scream that it is, though not from almost having the perfect excuse to kiss Chris, but from someone touching her shoulder.

"Sorry, sorry!" Sam apologizes. "You were so quiet Ashley that I got nervous. I know that you're scared of the dark and I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

Oh, yeah. That's right. She was so preoccupied with the dark ruining what was almost going to be the highlight of her entire year , that she kind of forgot that it was, well, dark now. And once that realization hits her, so too does the fear that she's sitting in absolute darkness and can't see a single thing other than the lights being cast from everyone’s phones. That she has no idea what else—or who else—is out there. She frantically reaches out and wraps up Sam's arm in her own for a physical reminder that there is someone else she trusts in the darkness with her.

"Wait, you're scared of the dark Ash? Shit. Here, just give me a second." From next to her, Matt rustles in his jacket pocket and brings out his phone, turning it on and casting light around the room, and reflecting off the plastic bottle that Josh had accidentally kicked to the other side of the room. "Hope this helps a bit."

Ashley lets out a breath and a small smile. "Yeah, it does. Thanks Matt."

"No problem. Hey, I think I may have a funny video saved on here somewhere. Pretty sure I downloaded it so just give me a moment." He finds the video quickly enough, and while Ashley doesn't find it particularly as funny as he clearly did, she does appreciate the effort anyway.

Thankfully for everyone, the lights come back on soon enough. Though whether from the power coming back or the back-up generator activating, she isn't sure. It is enough to convince everyone that maybe it's time for bed though, and no one asks about her spin and who it landed on, which Ashley is both insulted for and thankful of in equal measure. Sam unfortunately reminds everyone of the mess they've all made of the great room though, and that they should all clean it up before Bob and Melinda wake up and find it, which Hannah and Beth eagerly echo, and so does Josh when he makes his way back up from the basement with scowling Chris in tow.

Thankfully, between the ten of them, the clean up takes very little time and they're all on their way back to their own rooms in record time, even if Ashley was too embarrassed to even look at Chris now. God, she couldn't believe that she had seriously considered jumping him! And for what? Just because some bottle told her to? Oh man, she never would have been able to live that down. She still spends more time then needed to get ready in the bathroom, and then laying in bed with her lamp on in the hopes that maybe Chris will knock on her door to confront her about the spin and ask for that kiss.

While the fact that he doesn't make an appearance doesn't surprise her, it's still a little depressing. 

Chris is going to kill Josh. He is going to kill him . And he means it this time. Years spent watching Josh's horror shit and listening to Ash go on and on about her mystery novels should have given him a real edge actually. He can murder Josh violently in the way that the weirdo would probably like to go and then Ash can help him get rid of the body so that no one will ever know it was him. Easy.

You know, assuming Ashley is still gonna want to even associate with him after this.

"You feeling okay, Chris? You're starting to look a little red... and surly."

"Yup, I'm fine. Just peachy in fact." Chris takes another swig of the punch that has somehow not been spiked yet, and tries to plaster a smile on his face for her only to once again start looking over her shoulder. Not that there's anything interesting over her shoulder of course, unless one finds a group of football seniors trying to play a game of chicken in the middle of the dance hall interesting, but it's easier than looking straight at her. Not because she looks terrible of course—good god is that not the reason—but because she is way too fucking gorgeous for him to handle right now.

When Chris had decided to invite her to his and Josh's grad thing, it had just been a way for all three of them to hang out and enjoy their last year of high school together. School rules dictated after all that for some stupid reason, graduates weren't allowed to invite anyone who wasn't in school anymore so Ash wasn't going to be able to ask them to hers next year. Which was complete and utter bullshit of course, but that was beside the point. It was supposed to be a fun night... and then Chris's parents found out. And being the complete pain in the asses they are, they insisted that if Ash was going to this party with them, and it was a formal party, then they needed to make this proper. So against his wishes and leaving Chris wanting to die, they went and found out what colour of dress Ash was going to be wearing and got him not only a matching tie but a fucking corsage to go with it! The only thing that had made all of that even a little better, was that they had forced Josh to go along with it so at least he wouldn't be alone. 

But then Josh had showed up not wearing his stupid tie and without the fucking flowers. And despite Chris's repeated protests that he didn't want to do the whole matching thing, especially if Josh wasn't doing it, his parents still made him do it anyway, saying all the while that 'it would make Ashley happy, you do want to make Ashley happy don't you?' And now here he was, sitting with Ashley at their table while she wore his stupid flowers on her wrist and his tie matched her green dress.

He hated how fucking obvious his crush was s0 much.

"...It's because of what everyone's been saying isn't it?"

At the dejected tone of her voice, Chris immediately snaps his full attention to her, leaving his glass of punch forgotten as he flaps his hands around in an effort to not reach out and grab at her hand. "What? No! God no! That isn't it I swear!"

Ashley sighs sadly as she looks glumly down at her lap. "It's fine Chris. I can understand if it's making you uncomfortable."

Chris takes one of his ineffectually flapping hands and makes to run it through his hair, before remembering the amount of gel he had put in it before coming and rubs at his eyes beneath his glasses. "I'm serious Ash, that's not it. I was honestly just thinking about the different ways I'm going to murder Josh when he gets back."

She laughs a little at that, and turns to look out into the direction of the buffet table, as though she'll be able to see Josh coming back with their food through the literal sea of people. "He has been gone a while hasn't he? He left like twenty minutes ago and he still isn't back. Do you think he even went to the buffet table in the first place?"

"He better have. Him coming back with food is probably about the only thing that's going to stop me from murdering him honestly."

Ashley laughs a little louder, and when she pushes a stray strand of hair that had come undone from her simply styled updo, Chris catches the while flowers on her wrist and feels his stomach flip pleasantly. "Any particular reason you want to kill Josh this time?"

"I mean, I have plenty but let's just be honest with ourselves here: do either of us ever need a reason to wanna kill Josh, Ash?"

And there it is, the surprised snort he was waiting for and that just made this entire evening a little more bearable. "God, you're not wrong." She follows his eye line to the corsage on her wrist and just like that all levity to the situation is gone as she hides her hands back in her lap under the table. "...you're sure that you're okay with what everyone is saying though?" she asks a little nervously.

Honestly? No, he isn't. Ever since the three of them walked into the party, everyone they had talked to right away had noticed the matching colours and the corsage and all comments had been the same. 'Fucking knew that there was something going on between you two' and 'Hey, it's about fucking time' or 'Always knew that you two would be good together'. It had been bad enough realizing that apparently almost everyone he had ever spoken to even a little bit had known of his super obvious feelings for his best friend, but the absolute worst thing had been the pained but polite smile that Ash had forced onto her face every single time.

"Honestly, I'm never going to see most of these people ever again once I graduate." He's avoiding the question, and he knows that she knows that he's avoiding the question. "But you're probably gonna have to deal with people brining this stupid thing up for the entire next year. Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine. It's not like this is something I don't deal with already." She says it with a little shrug and smile, but Chris can feel his heart sink anyway. How long has she had to deal with the bullshit that his stupid crush has caused her, and why had she never told him? It's way too late to try and fix things, but he can at least hopefully try and stop any further comments from coming, so he lets his fingers fly to his tie and starts to frantically undo it. "...What are you doing Chris?"

"Wondering why on earth I let my parents talk me into this. This is obviously making you uncomfortable and I should have taken this stupid thing off ages ago." His fingers keep catching on the knot and he lets out a fairly explicit curse under his breath.

Ashley's eyes go wide with realization. "Oh!" She instantly flips over her wrist and starts fumbling at the clasp of the corsage with her other hand and Chris finds that his heart has somehow managed to travel all the way from the bottom of his stomach straight into his throat. Abandoning his only partially undone tie, he lays his hand on hers to stop her.

"You don't have to do that." She's staring at their hands in wide-eyed shock, and his breath catches. "Not if you don't want to, that is. It-it looks good on you."

"Okay," she whispers softly, eyes still wide as her fingers leave her wrist, "I can leave it on."

"Only if you want to though." When the hell did his mouth get so dry?!  

"I do," she looks up to him when she says it, and the earnestness of her smile bowls him over. "I really, really do." In an effort to try and distract himself from her smile, he starts fumbling at his tie once again and he catches her eyes flickering to it. Ashley's smile somehow only brightens as she laughs at him. "Here. Let me give you a hand with that."

She scoots her chair closer to him and he removes his hands from his tie so she can take over. The two of them say nothing as she places all of her attention on continuing to loosen the knot, while Chris tries his absolute hardest not to swallow...or breathe...or do anything at all really, as he just stares down at her in awe.

Once the knot is finally undone, Ashley slowly pulls the entire length of fabric from his neck and places it on the table, before putting her hands back where they were so she can carefully smooth out his shirt collar. And when she looks back up at him with a smile, he can feel the entire world stop as they just stare at each other and Chris slowly starts to close the infinitesimally small distance between them. And he's probably just imagining things, but he thinks that she's doing the same thing as well.

"Jesus Christ, sorry it took so long you guys. Line for the fucking food was longer then you would believe!"

The two of them fly apart so fiercely, that Chris's entire chair manages to tip over backwards and send him to the ground with a loud clatter. He can feel everyone's eyes on them and the murmurs that follow, and he hopes that they're mistaking the redness of his face for the embarrassment of falling out of his chair. Yeah, that's a story that's going to make the rounds before he graduates for sure.

"Shit, you okay bro?" From his spot on the floor, Chris watches Josh place a couple of plates absolutely piled high in food on the table and reach down to help him up with a laugh. "Oh hey, I see you finally decided to take off that stupid tie too. Surprised it took you this long honestly."

Chris accepts Josh's hand up. "Yup, me too." He hopes and prays that Josh just thinks that the absolutely breathless and stunted quality to his words is that he's just a little winded from the fall. Once he gets his chair back up and sits back down, he grabs at the tie to shove it in his pocket. He notices that Ashley is refusing to look at him as she digs out a couple of sandwiches from the miscellaneous pile of food, even as she fiddles with the strap of flowers on her wrist for the rest of the meal.

He's exceptionally thrilled to note that she does keep the corsage on the rest of the night though.

Five times. That's how many times her phone has gone off in her pocket. Five. Times. And every single time Ashley lets out a sigh of relief when the buzzing finally stops, it goes off again only seconds later. And checking the caller id the first couple of times only showed that it was Josh calling her. Normally Ashley liked to think that she would have answered her phone if it was literally anyone else, but this was Josh. He called for every little thing after all; from letting her know that he saw a super big dog on the way home from classes to informing her that he was out of chips and if Ash could pick some up on her way to meet them from her job then that would really just be swell. And considering that he and Chris were supposed to meet her and grab a bite to eat together while she was on her lunch break, he was probably just calling to let her know that they had just left, and to make a milestone out of every block closer the two of them got so she could greet them with all the pomp and circumstance he likely thought he deserved. 

Though to be fair she probably would have answered her phone after the third ring, if only to tell him off, but Jared had been giving her a stink eye from his office pretty much since she had arrived so she hadn't.

So she let it buzz...and buzz...and buzz. Until finally, her phone stopped yet again and she tensed her shoulders ready for the next round of vibrations to start. But there was nothing. Nothing but blissful silence coming from her pocket and she let out a huge sigh of relief as Ashley got back to work shelving some of the new stock, letting Kyrstin and Curtis deal with the short line of customers that had begun to form as they bought their books and whatever little trinkets littered the entire front of the store.

She hoped Chris and Josh got here soon, she was overdue for her lunch break and the smells coming out of the nearby food court were calling her name. Particularly the chinese place, she had been craving them for the last week at least . Plus, Jared had been raking her over coals about how her availability was going to drop dramatically once she started college in the next couple of weeks, and one of the creepy regulars had followed her around the store for-freaking- ever (she's pretty sure he had been staring at her ass the whole time too honestly) until Curtis had basically shoved her into the back room to let her escape while he covered for her. And surprise surprise, Jared hadn't been too thrilled about her 'abandoning her post' and yelled at her about that too. 

Whoever said that working in a bookstore was a lazy job where she got to read books in her free time was a dirty, rotten liar. It was hell on earth and she was going to slowly tear the fingernails off whoever it was that said it (even though she had a sinking feeling it had probably be Ashley herself that said it back when she romanticized working in bookstores when she was, like, ten ). God, she really really needed that Chinese if she had any plans of surviving the last four hours of her shift.

The phone at the front desk behind her begins to ring, but a quick backwards glance has her realizing that with poor Curtis trying to deal with an older woman who is adamant that the book he's trying to sell her is the wrong one because she is 'positive that the book had a light purple cover and this one is lavender, that is two different colours and I want the right book now ' and Kyrstin being forced to deal with the rest of the line herself, that Ashley's the one who's going to have to answer the phone. With a groan of resignation (she hated answering the phone at work but Jared was in a horrendous enough mood as it was), she stood up and made her way over, repeating the greeting she was going to have to say over and over in her head so she (hopefully) wouldn't mess it up. And taking a deep breath, and repeating the greeting once more in her head, she forced a smile to her face as she picked up the handset.

"Hi! Thanks for calling—"

"Fucking finally Ash."

In an instant, Ashley could feel every ounce of nervous energy violently expel from her body as she nearly doubled over with another groan, this one entirely of exhaustion. She took quick glance over her shoulder, but Jared seemed to busy with another phone call in his office thankfully. "What are you doing Josh?!" she whispered angrily, "I'm at work right now you moron!"

"Uh yeah, I know. Why do you think I called you using this number?"

Ashley gave Kyrstin an apologetic and pained smile when she looked at her curiously, who responded with a good-natured shake of her head and a laugh under her breath as she turned to help the next customer. "Well, you didn't have to call here."

"Kinda did, Ash. You kept ignoring me."

"I was ignoring your calls you butt, you could have just texted me instead you know."

"Hmmm, no. Anyways I tried calling to tell you that Chris and I might not be able to meet up with you for lunch."

Ashley felt disappointment flood her entire being. "Oh. I see. But you really could have just—"

"We're at the hospital while Chris gets some x-rays done."

Immediately any disappointment fled her body as Ashley all but collapsed on the counter for support as her legs gave out on her. "Is he okay?! Oh god, is he okay Josh?!"

There's a pause on the phone and all Ashley can hear is her own blood pounding in her ears. He has to be okay. He has to be, he just has to be!

"I dunno, it was a pretty gnarly fall. Don't know if he'll ever truly recover, there was a lot of screaming after all."

Ashley doesn't even respond as she slams down the phone and turns to Kyrstin and Curtis who are looking at her in shock as her entire world falls to pieces around her. "I-I have to go. Chris is... Chris is..." she can't get anymore out with how it feels like someone is ripping her heart out of her chest. "Josh said he's in the hospital and...and..."

Curtis nods quickly as he runs to the staff room, and Kyrstin just starts shoving her towards the door as they all ignore the customers who are standing around awkwardly. "Go. We got this."

Ashley turns her head towards Jared's office. "But I gotta—and, and I need to grab my stuff—

"Nope. You go. Curtis and I will figure something out, and Becks arrives for her shift in another half hour. We can manage just fine until then. You just get out of here right now."

Ashley doesn't try to fight anymore than that, not with how hard she's fighting to hold back breaking down in the middle of the store after all. Curtis meets her at the entrance with her bag and shoves it into her arms. "Do you need me to call you a taxi, or give you a ride, or anything? Kyrstin can drag Jared out of his cave if she's gotta." Next to him, Kyrstin nods furiously in agreement.

Ashley has never loved anyone as much as she loves her coworkers in this instant. "No, my-my mom gave me the car for today."

With that little bit of approval, and a random customer shouting ‘I hope he's okay hun!’ at her, the two of them shove Ashley into the mall itself and the very instant she crosses that threshold she takes off running, shoving her way through people and nearly falling down the stairs in her effort to get to the parking lot as quickly as she can. She is so, so glad that her mom basically forced the car on her today instead of letting her take the bus as originally planned, she doesn't know how she would have lasted if she'd had to wait for a taxi to arrive and pick her up.

As it is, once she's finally (and somehow safely) managed to arrive at the hospital and found a spot to park, she's nonplussed about the fact that she didn't leave any imprints in the steering wheel from how hard she had been gripping it the whole drive over. She fumbles with the clasp on her seatbelt with shaking hands, almost bursting into tears about that fact alone, but she eventually manages to free herself and basically throws herself out of the car, only remembering to lock the door behind her when she's about halfway to the hospital doors.

The moment she bursts into the waiting room, Josh is sitting there waiting for her. He looks up at her in surprise as she hurries towards him, then down at his phone and back up at her again as he gives a low whistle. "Shit Ash, how many laws did you break to get here that fast?"

She ignores him. "What happened?! How is he?! Just tell me he's okay! Please, please tell me he's okay!"

"I mean, I suppose he's as fine as he could be considering the circumstances." He seems to sense that she's about ready to scream at him so he quickly follows up with "He's on the second floor, in room 272 if you want to see him."

Ashley doesn't even bother to thank him as she bolts to the nearby elevator, frantically pushing the 'Call Elevator' button nonstop until the door opens and then doing the same thing to the second floor button as it carries her up. Her eyes are burning in an effort to hold back her tears but she can tell that the dam is about to burst any second, especially with how long this elevator is taking to move. She doesn't even wait for the doors to open fully, squeezing through them the moment they're wide enough and accosting some poor nurse until he points her down the correct hall. She hurries the rest of the way, staring at every number on the wall until she finds room 272. And then she stops, her hand on the door knob as she braces herself for whatever she's going to find. Chris lying in bed, covered in blood and bandages with a heart monitor beeping next to him, just broken and shattered beyond all repair. With a choked back sob she opens the door—

and finds Chris sitting on the bed looking up at the ceiling bored to tears with a splint wrapped around his pinky and ring finger on his right hand.

"Finally! I thought you would never get here, so if we could just get this over with—" he looks over at her standing in the doorway shell shocked and still in her work uniform and jumps to his feet. "A-Ash?! What the hell are you doing here— Wait, did you just come here straight from work?! "

"You're okay?" Ashley hates how small her voice comes out, "You're really okay?"

"What? Yeah, why wouldn't I be? Who told you—"

Spell broken, Ashley’s bag falls from her shoulder to the ground with a small clatter and she dives towards Chris, wrapping him in a tight hug. "Oh thank god. Oh thank god. " Chris starts to return the hug, likely more than a little confused about what's going on, but she's already moved so her hands are on either side of his face as she tugs him down to her level so she can get a better look at him. Twisting and turning his head this way and that as she looks for any bruises or cuts. "Josh told me that there had been an accident and—"

"Ash!" Chris interrupts her by taking her wrists in his hands—though he winces at the pain that likely forms as a result of doing so—and speaks as calmly and reassuringly to her as he can. "Ash, it's okay. I'm fine . I promise. I just tripped earlier that's all."

Ashley takes in the sight of the scuffed up palms of his hands, and the holes in the knees of his jeans that certainly hadn't been there before, and knows that Chris is telling the truth. Though it doesn't explain the splint on his hand.

"Okay, and I might have broken my finger doing so."

Ashley just stands there so dumbfounded and relieved in equal measure, that she blurts out "Josh said that there had been screaming."

To her surprise, Chris only gives an embarrassed groan as he stares at an area just over her shoulder "God, Josh is never gonna let me live that down is he? Okay, so my finger may not have been the only thing that broke..." Confused, mainly because except for the bandaged finger and ripped jeans he seems perfectly okay, Ashley looks over her shoulder and follows his eyes to his phone laying on the counter just behind her. The screen completely shattered to hell and back with no promise of life anywhere on it. Just the dead, black screen reflecting the ceiling above on its cracked surface 

"Wait," Ashley starts to feel the relieved giggles try to break free as her nerves finally settle, "are you telling me that you broke your finger but you were more worried about your phone? "

Chris sputters as he starts to wave his splinted finger infront of her face. "I mean obviously! This doesn't cost me any money to fix Ash; that's what health care's for! But my phone? Do you know how expensive that thing's going to be to replace? How many paychecks I'm going to have to put towards it? All the money I saved up this summer for school: gone! All because of a stupid little sidewalk curb!"

Ashley can't help it, she starts laughing uncontrollably as she collapses into a nearby chair with her head in her hands. "Oh, I am going to kill Josh when I see him, kill him! And then Jared's gonna kill me for bailing at work and not telling him! God, and I just left in the middle of a rush too! Remind me to buy Kyrstin and Curtis a cake or flowers or something as an apology. Oh my god ."

"You just ditched work? Ash!" Chris falls back onto the bed as he laughs with her. "Why would you even do that in the first place?!"

"Josh told me that you were in the hospital getting x-rays! What was I supposed to think?"

Chris rubs at his eyes beneath his glasses. "I asked him to let you know that we were probably gonna be a little late for lunch while I waited to get my cast! Fucking hell, I'm so sorry."

"Am I interrupting anything or..."

The two of them turn to see a doctor looking up at them with an upturned brow, and holding what Ashley assumes (and hopes) to be the materials needed for Chris's cast. "This is Chris Hartley's room correct?"

"Oh, uh, yeah. That's me."

The doctor nods, and walks towards Chris, but stops in front of the chair Ashley is sitting in. "I'm sorry, but I will be needing that chair sweetheart." With a squeak of apology, Ashley jumps out the chair and moves back by the door so fast that she's almost certain that she had managed to teleport over there, almost tripping over her forgotten bag in the process. Red-faced, she picks it back up and goes to leave (and possibly strangle Josh violently) but is stopped by the same doctor as she sits down in the chair with a chuckle, shaking her head. "You don't have to leave if you don't want to. It'll only take a couple of minutes to get this cast on and then he'll be free to leave with you." 

Now even more red-faced (if that was even possible), Ashley just slowly shuffles over to the table where Chris's (broken) phone and wallet is, nervously fidgeting with the strap of her bag as she waits for Chris to get the cast on. Taking Chris's hand in her own, the doctor—Dr. Klorens her name tag reads—scowls at the now slightly bent fingers in the splint, which Chris only gives a sheepish shrug and smile to, and sighs as she unwraps his fingers so she can reset the splint. And Ashley blanches at the deep, dark bruises that spread all the way from the middle of his pinky to nearly halfway down his palm that she had completely failed to notice earlier before those are once again lost. 

And as promised, once the Dr. Klorens has put the cotton sleeve over his hand and trimmed it to the desired length, it only takes her another couple of minutes to wrap starting from the center of his forearm and all the way up to the center of his palm and then finally finishing with his splinted fingers. As the three of them wait for the fibreglass material to dry, Dr. Klorens goes over the do's and don'ts of cast care, which Ashley takes serious note of because she knows that Chris won't. Especially the 'do NOT get the cast wet' part, he's gonna forget about that one the moment Josh tries to bait him into another water gun fight.

"Alright, I think that's about it. Just come back in three weeks so we can do another x-ray to check and make sure that the bone's all healed up before we remove it. Just let someone know that you're done with the room when you leave, and remember to check out at the front desk." She gathers up her supplies and makes to leave, but stops to look over her shoulder at them with an amused smile on her face. "Oh, and if you two take the stairs, just make sure that you're careful. I know that we're in a hospital already, but I don't think any of us want to deal with any more tripping instances. Especially if they result in another broken bone." After waiting for Chris and Ashley to meekly agree to be careful, she finally leaves the two of them alone once again.

"Welp, that's it for my summer. 'Fraid I'm nothing but a cripple now."

Sighing, Ashley turns to Chris with a tired smile. "You are not a cripple, oh my god. You have a broken finger, you didn't lose the entire arm you dork."

Incensed, Chris waves his cast at her. "Um, do you not see this thing Ash? I may as well have. I've lost the use of two of my fingers now! Two! And on my right hand to boot. I can't hold a controller to play games with, I can't type, I can't text. What am I supposed to do Ash if I can't hold a single thing in my dominant hand anymore?"

"I'm sure you'll manage," she dryly responds. "Now come on, let's get out of here. I have to figure out how in the world I'm going to explain this to Jared so he doesn't fire me."

"Pretty sure that you should just let him if you ask me."

Ashley groans in agreement, but says "It's only another couple of weeks until college starts. Just hoping I can hold out until then, I need the money after all."

Chris lets out a resigned breath but then starts eyeing her work apron. "You got a sharpie in there?"

"Um, I think so. Why?"

"Uh, so you can sign my cast, duh. You missed out when I broke my arm when I was like nine, so you can be the first to get your name on this one."

"Trying to weasel my autograph out of me huh?" Ashley asks even as she digs through one of her pockets to pull out the sharpie in question, and joins Chris to sit next to him on the bed.

Chris laughs. "Damn, you figured out my devious plan. Thing’s gonna be worth a fortune when you make it onto the bestsellers list one day. Gonna be fighting off all sorts of crazed and fanatic fans."

Ashley shakes her head as she chuckles and writes her name on his arm, but pauses when she caps the pen. Seeing her name on his cast suddenly pulls everything back into vivid clarity, and she remembers the panic she had felt when she had thought—when she had believed —that she had nearly lost him. That this was it, that he was here one day and gone the next, and she hadn't even told him how much he meant to her. How important he was to her. She watches as a drop of water splashes down onto the cast and she finds herself wondering if there's a leak in a room upstairs.

"What the—Ash? Are you crying?"

"Huh?" She wipes her eyes, and a surprised but weak laugh escapes when her hand comes away wet. "Oh, I guess I am. Sorry about that, you're supposed to keep the cast dry and here I am crying—"

Chris places his left hand on her cheek to help wipe away some of her tears. "Oh fuck, I really freaked you out didn't I? Fucking hell. I'm—"

"Do you promise not to hate me?"

The look Chris gives her is nothing short of bamboozled. "Hate you? Ash, what's going on with you?"

"Do you promise not to hate me? Please Chris, I really, really need you to promise me this. Please . Do you promise not to hate me?" She’s fully aware that she’s practically begging right now, silent tears flowing down her cheeks, but if it gets Chris to promise then she’ll gladly throw away her pride for this one thing.

"Yeah, I-I promise. Will you just—"

Ashley doesn't give him anytime to finish his sentence before she's squeezing her eyes shut and she surges up to kiss him. She doesn't want to see his expression, not when all she wants is just to remember everything else that is happening. Remember the feel of his lips before he pulls away, and the warmth of his hand on her cheek. In fact, she spends so much time trying to memorize what she is sure is only going to be a single shared kiss, that it takes her a few seconds longer than she would like to admit to realize that Chris's hand isn't on her cheek anymore, it's moved to the back of her neck so he can kiss her back . The shock of which is enough for her to break the kiss and stare at him with wide eyes.

"Wh—" that's all she can get out before Chris is pulling her back in for a second kiss, and this time she lets her eyelids flutter close as she completely melts into, throwing her arms around his neck to hold him closer.

Ashley's not sure how long they stay like that—could have been an eternity, could have only been a couple of seconds—before they're both pulling back with their faces flushed and giggling like morons.

"Wow," Chris says after a moment, "I don't know what made you think I could hate you after that , but wow . If I had known that this would be the reaction I get, I would have broken my finger years ago."

There's something about the way he says it that has Ashley's heart beating even faster. "How long?" she demands breathlessly, "Tell how long ago?"

Somehow, Chris manages to flush even deeper. "I dunno, like... six? I guess?"

Six years. He'd had a crush on her for six years and she'd had no idea. The moment the realization hits her she starts laughing. "I knew you were trying to ask me for a kiss back in seventh grade! I should have just chased you down and given you one anyway!"

This time, it's Chris who starts laughing at the realization. "Wait, you liked me too?! Then that kiss, back in the library...?"

"You still remember that?!"

"Remember it? Ash, that stupid little cheek kiss is the only reason I passed that final I'm sure! Hell, why else do you think Josh dared me to kiss you in truth and dare?"

"What? No he didn't!"

Chris shakes his head as he moves his hand from her neck to around her waist. "He did! He told me to 'return the favour' and all I had been thinking about that summer was kissing you back. Fucking hell, I almost killed him when he pulled me away to get that generator working that winter in the lodge."

"Oh my god, I almost jumped across the floor to you that night when the power went out after the bottle landed on you."

"You didn't!"

Chris sounded so scandalized at the idea that Ashley presses her forehead to his as her smile widens, which only causes his own to widen in turn. "I did! But then Josh pulled you away and I just completely lost my nerve." She starts laughing at the next memory. "Oh god, I kept my lamp on in my room after that hoping you would stop by if you thought I was still awake."

The answering gape in shock was all she needed before she broke into more giggles. "I saw that! I don't know how long I hovered outside your door trying to work up the courage to knock before talking myself out of it. I think I just convinced myself that the outage had freaked you out badly enough that you needed the extra light to get to sleep."

Once the giggles started to lessen, the smiles on their faces did so as well, softening to something warmer and infinitely more cozy. "I almost kissed you, you know," Ashley confessed shyly. "Back at your grad party."

"Yeah, I-I almost kissed you too. And, just so you know, I wasn't lying then. The flowers looked really really good on you." 

"That's good to hear," she admits as she leans in closer, her lips brushing his so lightly it's almost a caress, "I kept them, after all."

Nothing more is said as Chris closes the distance between them again to kiss her, and even though she knows that they really should get back downstairs, she doesn't try to stop it.

They have a long six years to make up for after all.

[fanfoolishness]

Interview with a Fic Writer

Tagged by @novantinuum, thank you!

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How many works do you have on AO3?

242 works. The actual fuck??? Wow, me. Of course, this does span about 9 years, so I guess that's not that insane?

What’s your total word count on AO3

549,737! But that averages out to only 2271 words per story, haha. You got me! I think I have less than 10 fics that have more than 1 chapter. I love one-shots, what can I say?

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Oh, you want to get into this? All right. We'll get into this:

The X-Files, proto-fandom, ur-fandom, first OTP ever... yeah, 15-year-old me went. WILD. Many horrible Mulder/Scully stories, and some Doggett/Scully and character study stories as well. Mostly not very good, but with occasional flashes of decent writing. Really had a difficult time writing romantic feelings between 30+ year-olds given a) I did not date in high school and b) was 17 and not an emotionally stunted FBI agent.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer - not a huge volume of stories, but definitely some very angsty Spuffy and Spike tales.

Harry Potter - just one published fic (Lupin grieving Sirius), and one with Snape and Harry having a heart to heart I could never quite get right.

Then came the dark times (vet school) where I was exhausted and hard at work for a few years and I thought, horribly, I might have outgrown fandom. Thank god for...

X-Men First Class and the undying love of Charles Xavier and Erik Lensherr! I'd never fallen for a slash ship before but my god I fell hard for this one and wrote my first fandom smut and my first real AU (mutants with zombies) that I never finished.

Then.... let's see...

Quantum Leap drabbles!

Two Avatar the Last Airbender fics!

Agents of SHIELD fics, mostly focused on Coulson and FitzSimmons, and super angsty.

Bioshock Infinite sads (god I love writing the sad bad dad)!

And then the juggernauts of Mass Effect (my longest fic to date with 30 chapters!) and Dragon Age, which were endlessly productive and are still productive given the variety of different protagonists you can create, different choices, and different relationships to canon characters. I'm still working on a Hawke/Varric fic in the back of my mind here.

There's one random Gravity Falls fic (wish I could have got a little more obsessed with it, or gotten into it while it aired) of Stan sads, and one tiny Avengers ficlet of a sad Tony and Peter.

There's one Wheel of Time fic! Dammit I wanted Rand and Tam to reunite so much sooner than they did.

40-odd Steven Universe fics! So many SU fics!

One random Schitt's Creek fic of David and Patrick!

And finally, The Mandalorian, with 47 fics. Phew!!!

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. The Invitation, The Mandalorian. Din Djarin finds himself in dreams that seem realer than real, reminding him of his loss, but he begins to find a sense of hope again. A promise is kept.

2. The Outstretched Hand, The Mandalorian. Din Djarin is a man of action, but sometimes, the quiet finds its way in. Din reckons with the aftermath of the events of Chapter 14, the Tragedy. (My very first Mando fic!)

3. Not the Sentimental Type, Steven Universe. Priyanka Maheswaran has long prided herself on keeping her emotions in check. But a mother's love can only grow, and sometimes it expands to people she never anticipated. Like the Universe boy.

4. Translation, The Mandalorian. Din Djarin was a man of few words, but many languages. Some might have thought the Child had no language at all. Din Djarin and the Child grow to understand each other.

5. Full Disclosure, Steven Universe. Just as the world begins to recover from Spinel's attack, Steven starts having nightmares. The more he ignores his fears, the worse they become, until he's left with no other choice but to ask for help. (My thoughts on what would drive Steven Universe Future, and I wasn't far off.)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I really try to! Even sometimes years later if I realize I've missed some. I appreciate each and every one, and have definitely made friendships through comments <3

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Oh, hell... I'm too lazy to link these but if anyone wants to read them let me know or find them on my AO3!

A Stopped Clock from Bioshock Infinite has Booker DeWitt ravaged by Korsakoff's amnesia from his long-standing alcoholism. Is Columbia real or imagined? Hard to say.

The Viscount's Way shows Varric Tethras having become his parent, and a cruel, hard viscount of Kirkwall.

Songs in the Key of Red shows how Cullen fared under the dark future in Redcliffe in DAI, and they write happy endings, don't they? shows what happened to Varric. Both horribly depressing in different ways!

Two by Two, Hands of Blue shows a not unexpected end to lyrium addiction :( Poor Cullen, he got a lot of angsty developments, didn't he?

Do you write crossovers? If so, what’s the craziest thing you’ve ever written?

Never really got into crossovers or AUs. Just... meh for me!

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

No, I don't think so.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Charles/Erik, Shepard/Garrus, Shepard/Liara, Shepard/Tali, a mess of different f/f femShep drabbles, and most of my Dragon Age pairings have gotten sexytimes. On the other hand I helped start the NoRomo Mando tag for the Mandalorian to help find non-pairing Mandalorian content. Depends on the pairing and the fandom, for sure.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope, thank goodness!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I think so! There used to be a Spanish-language wiki linking to some of my old X-Files stories XD

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but friends and I definitely will beta each others' things to help with sticky points.

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

ALL-TIME? Just, why? So many ships I loved in years past turned out to have pretty damn problematic elements I didn't see at the time, so it's hard to say... Mulder/Scully actually has a ton of issues, Buffy/Spike obviously has issues... so maybe Hawke/Varric (except not canon!) or Garrus/Shepard or Brosca/Alistair.

What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Still need to finish my Hawke/Varric fic for after Adamant! I have 3 chapters written that I haven't posted. Maybe posting them will help inspire me....

What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue and POV writing from different characters; I feel fantastic writing Steven and Greg, though totally at sea trying to write from Connie's POV, randomly. But I think my dialogue and emotional beats are what people tend to tune in for. When I do write romance, it's usually very sweet and silly and pulled from life. I also love writing nature scenes and settings to help establish mood. Mood and emotion and catharsis are my bread and butter, and I like my poetic prose.

What are your writing weaknesses?

What the hell is a long, well-thought-out plot? Like what even is that???? My longest fic with 30 chapters is basically "Shepard has PTSD and hangs out with her crew. They have some funerals." THAT'S IT. How the heck people actually come up with plot that ties into the lore of a fandom I genuinely have no idea and it's the biggest thing that's held me back from finishing original work. I can come up with a setting and characters and then trying to make them do stuff that's more than just talking to other characters and deepening their relationships with them... how the fuck???

I also definitely have 10-20 words that I am in constant danger of reusing like every other paragraph, LOL!

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I don't speak any other languages so I always avoid it as much as possible. I've seen people describe sign differently in fics and picked one way to depict it that made sense to me for Grogu, but that's about it.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

The X-Files, of course!

What’s your favorite fic you’ve ever written?

Towards Another Day, the tale of how Cullen went from being a templar in Kirkwall to commander of the Inquisition, is definitely up there.

Reverberations is one of my rare multi-chaptered fics and one of my favorite for the catharsis at the end. It makes me tear up every time. 5 times Din and Grogu encounter the Dark Side, and one time they find the Light.

Either a world for the birds (Steven develops a closer relationship with his Uncle Andy, learning birdwatching along the way) or on the subject of rocks (Steven and Jasper finally reach a peace) might take the prize for favorite SU fic.

__

Tagging (if you’re super bored and would like a fun thing to do) fellow writers:

@lastwordbeforetheend, @runrundoyourstuff, @honestlyhufflepuff, @art3mys, and @fake-starwars-fan if you would like to play!

[ilovefandoms102]

Part 6-Shape of My Heart

Pairing: Rudy Pankow x Plus Size Reader

Summary: Falling in love with someone you can never have is the worst feeling in the world...

Taglist:

@jeyramarie​ @drewswannabegirl​ @teamnick​ @jiaraendgame @agirlwholovescoffee @outerbongs @jaxxandcomet​ @velyssaraptor @baby-pogue @they-write-once-in-a-blue-moon @must-be-a-weasley-92 @kaitieskidmore1 @ma10427 @ifilwtmfc @lasnaro @justcallmesams @judayyyw @lonely-kermit @gviosca @iamaunicorn4704 @jellyfishbeansontoast @fernweh-fangirl @runway-to-my-aid @eb15 @hurricane-abigail @tangledinsparkles @fandom-phaser @sunwardsss @http-cherries @bibliophilewednesday @evaporatedrosepetals @thetomatosaucee @tomatosauceagent @redosmo @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch @obx-direction-sos @mxltifandoms06

Part 5 Part 7

Note: Big shout out to my friend @jeyramarie​ for helping me edit this! She’s the best, make sure to go check her page out! I’ll be putting out more prompt requests tonight as well!

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The girls decided to take me out shopping, wanting to get out of the house for a little bit. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t avoiding Rudy after the events a few days ago, our almost kiss still engraved thoughts into my brain. There was more to the story than what I provided the Maddie’s and Mo with the other day...

Let me provide a bit of back story:

I was 11 years old the first time I was called ugly. I had developed a crush on one of my cousins best friends, asking him if he could possibly give me his number. When I asked why he wouldn’t he said ‘you’re ugly and fat’. I was struck with sadness, crying the rest of the day. I hated the way I looked from that moment on, no matter what I wore, how I fixed my hair, or how much makeup I put on...I still felt ‘ugly’.

Then came High School, the years of broken hearts. I stupidly fell for the senior bad boy, falling into his trap. I had finally mustered up the courage after about 6 months of us texting and hanging out to admit my feelings for him. He shot me down immediately, saying that he ‘wasn’t ready for commitment’. I was crushed, putting off boys for good.

My freshman year of college, I met a boy named Nick. He was my age, and we worked at the same retail establishment. Nick did some damage, scaring my mental mind. We became good friends, having the same personality and liking a lot of the same things. A few months in, he started to express romantic interest in me. He would hold my hand, call me cute nick names, play with my hair, and ya know stuff that would make anyone think a guy is interested. 

I had told one of my co workers about our situation, her advising me to shoot my shot. I had planned on telling him that night how I felt, until he came and found me before I had got off work. He told me that he never felt any romantic way towards me, that it was all a game to make the fat girl fall for him so that he could crush my heart. I was floored by this, wondering what I could have possibly done to deserve that.

When I met Rudy, I couldn’t help but fall for him. His natural sense of humor matching mine made me feel things I didn’t think I could ever feel again. I pushed away those feelings however, it wasn’t worth the risk. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship because of a silly crush.

=======================================

I was startled from my thoughts when Rudy appeared to my side out of nowhere, taking my hand in his. I smiled as he intertwined our fingers, waving out locked hands back and forth dramatically. 

We shopped ‘til we dropped, Chase now starting to complain about agreeing to come. Our stop at Sephora was the best though, the boys walked in with confused looks on their faces. Rudy trailed behind me as I walked each aisle, picking up random stuff to ask me what it is.

“Baby, what’s this? Why does it look like a marker?” he inquired, holding up eyeliner.

“That’s eyeliner, that’s what I used to do this.” I explained, pointing to my winged liner. An employee came up to us, both of us turning to smile at her.

“I just have to say, you two are the cutest couple.” she grinned.

“Oh we’re not-” I started, my eyes widening.

“Thank you very much.” Rudy said, grinning at her.

I eyed him as she walked away, rolling my eyes at his cute grin. He hugged me from behind, kissing my head soundly. I giggled, pushing him away playfully. I walked up to the counter, laying my stuff on the counter. I was digging through my purse for my credit card when I heard the telling sound of the receipt printing, looking to see Rudy putting his wallet back in his pocket. I glared at him, thanking the cashier as we walked away.

“You asshole, that was probably $100 worth of shit.” I huffed, digging out some cash to give him.

“I wanted to buy it for you.” he stated, shrugging his shoulders. I tried to hand him the money, but he ignored me.

“Rudy,” I snapped, shoving the money in his back pocket.

“Woah babe! If you wanted to touch my ass, all you had to do was ask.” he winked, smoothly putting the money back in my purse.

“Do not buy me anything else, I mean it.” I said firmly, stomping out of the store.

“We’ll see about that.” he smirked, holding the door for both of us. 

==================================

I had bought a new outfit for the house party we were having tonight, actually feeling confident in myself for once. I had bought a lilac cropped halter top and paired it with some ripped jean shorts, topping it off with some white and black Adidas sneakers. I touched up what makeup I was wearing, Maddie B and Mo coming in. I smiled at the couple, twirling in my outfit for them.

“Dang girl look at you!” Mo cheered.

“Y/n, you look STUNNING!” Maddie B gasped, her hands crossing over her heart.

“I’m happy you pushed me out of my comfort zone, I feel pretty for once.” I said bashfully, my cheeks flushing from their compliments. Maddie C poked her head in, her eyes and mouth popping open.

“Oh my god y/n! Rudy for sure is hittin’ it tonight sister!” she praised, coming over to hug me.

“Oh please,” I scoffed.

“I saw how you guys acted today,” she raised her brow.

“He was just being friendly Mad,” I sighed.

“Who’s being friendly?” Rudy asked, the girls piling out of the room the second he came in. 

He walked further in the room, his eyes widening when he took a full look at me. His gaze burned my skin, feeling it crawl over every inch. I looked down at my feet, shuffling them as I couldn’t take the heat. I felt my face burning, no doubt red as a tomato. 

“You-....you look-” he stuttered.

“Bad?” I asked.

“God no! I...I’m speechless.” he laughed.

“Did little ole me make THE Rudy Pankow tongue tied?” I taunted, his cheeks beginning to match mine. 

Rudy came closer, taking my hand in his. He held it up so I could twirl, a low whistle coming from his lips. I giggled, beaming at the man in front of me. He pulled my arms around him, his going to my hips. I felt the tension in the room rise as we gazed intently into each other’s eyes.

“You look amazing, beautiful.” he whispered, his blue eyes sparkling. 

“Thank you,” I murmured, tilting my head down. 

“Hey, these shots are going to drink themselves!” JD yelled, causing both Rudy and I to cackle. 

I was a few shots in, feeling a bit tipsy already. Rudy had talked me into being on his team in beer pong, facing off against Chase and JD. I hesitated only because I hadn’t played since the last time I saw them.

“Babe come on please!” he begged.

“Yeah BABE!” JD said dramatically, earning a glare from Rudy.

“I guess it won’t hurt for me to give it a go.” I caved, picking up the ball.

We were in the middle of the game when Elaine walked in with Drew and Austin, my mood dropping slightly. She hugged everyone hello, saving Rudy for last. He side hugged her while she threw herself in his arms, both of them stumbling slightly. They laughed as they pulled away, and she laid a sloppy kiss on his cheek. I felt my heart crush a little, turning back to the game. 

Rudy and I won surprisingly, double high fiving with the winning shot. The girls were tired of the boys, so they stole me to take me to the designated dance floor. Since it was just us girls, I let go, and danced without a care in the world. Elaine entered the room, sending a glare my way. I already had so much to drink from the shots and beer pong, I didn’t even pay attention to her. 

Rudy entered the room, a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. I saw him do a double take, staring right at me as I danced. I smiled, winking at him. His mouth dropped, taking his cig out. I turned my attention back to Maddie C who had until now been my dance partner, Chase having stole her from me. I pouted as she mouthed an apology, but I soon felt a presence behind me. Rudy pulled me flush against him, his eyes a shade darker than normal. 

He turned me around so that my back was to his front, rocking me to the beat. Tension was thick in the air, our bodies sensually moving together. I got a wild hair and pushed my ass harder against him, a grunt being heard from him. I giggled, pretending like I didn’t know what I did. He gripped my waist tighter, his fingers digging into what skin was showing. 

“I’ll be right back,” I spoke, smiling as I walked away towards the bathroom. I walked to the bathroom in my room, reapplying some lip gloss. I fluffed my hair a little, and adjusted the girls to make them pop a little more. 

I was looking down as I walked out, adjusting the pockets of my shorts when I was suddenly pinned against the wall. Rudy stood in front of me, his eyes wild as he stared into my eyes. 

I gasped when he smashed his lips to mine, my heart soaring through the roof. This was my first kiss, and I got to share it with Rudy. I followed his lead, moving my lips with his. I assumed I was doing alright since he hadn’t pulled away yet, hands starting to explore everywhere. He touched his tongue to mine, and I hesitantly copied his movements. 

Our movements soon picked up, the kiss becoming more heated. Teeth and tongues fighting to discover every inch of each other’s mouth. I had to pull away, becoming dizzy from the lack of air. Rudy moved his mouth to my neck, kissing the skin there. I moaned quietly when he bit down on my skin, leaving his mark. He smirked against my skin, taking his tongue to sooth the bite. 

“Oh my,” I panted, gripping his shirt.

“You’re so pretty baby, I love this little outfit.” he said, running his nose up my neck and pulled back to face me.

“Rudy, what-” I started.

I didn’t get to finish since his lips came back to mine, silencing my inner thoughts. He walked us back towards the bed, sitting down with me in front of him. His hands grabbed at my ass, grinning when I let out a shaky breath. He pulled me sideways so he could flip on top of me, crawling up the bed with me. I reached out to grab his face, feeling the slight stubble that had formed. 

It was when his hand reached under my shirt my inner thoughts came back, my eyes popped open. 

What was I doing?

Was I going to give myself to Rudy?

We’re both too drunk for this...

This can’t be real...

He doesn’t even like me, what the hell was going on?

“Wait,” I breathed out, his hands stopping immediately.

“What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” he asked, his eyes worried as they met mine. 

“What is this? Wh-why did you kiss me?” I questioned.

“I thought that was obvious...I-I really like you, like a lot.” he confessed, scratching the back of his head.

“No, y-you can’t possibly...I-,” I stuttered, shaking my head vehemently. 

“What do you mean no? Baby, I’ve given you every sign known to man that I like you. Do you...do you not feel the same?” he muttered, his eyes full of distress.

“I-I can’t do this.” I croaked, pushing myself off the bed. 

“Wait y/n, please don’t go.” he pleaded.

[magniloquent-raven]

Fic Writer Questions

i was tagged by @cherry-toxic and @gideongrace ty both 💕🥰💕

How many works do you have on AO3?

15

which is a relatively small number but sometimes im still like, holy shit i finished 15 whole fics lmao

What's your total AO3 word count?

68,299 (time to post a 701 word fic and then never post again i guess)

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

well this is about to get mildly embarrassing lmfao. ive only got harry potter & stranger things fics on my ao3 and tumblr but if you want a full list, as a teenager i posted a shitty borderlands self-insert fic on quizilla, and hiccup/jack frost fic on ff.net.

and if u count fics that never got finished or published anywhere i dabbled in teen wolf, supernatural, dragon age, star wars, left 4 dead 2, skyrim, good omens, the mcu, buffy, wynonna earp, plus like, general disney/dreamworks crossover fic. and i started writing shameless fics recently, we'll see if i actually finish any. aaaand...i think that's it?

so...15?

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. Wait for you, Burn for You

2. Find Our Way

3. Something to Hold

4. Room for One More Troubled Soul

5. Don't Know What I'm Gonna Do (About This Feeling Inside)

all harringrove fics except #4, which is probably only on the list because it's been on ao3 the longest lol

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

oh god, i used to. i did when i was starting out, but then i just. i get self-conscious about what to actually say & leave shit to sit for too long. and suddenly ive got like 100 comments i havent replied to and i want to respond to them so bad but ive left them so long i feel weird about it now and it's a problem 😥

i want to start responding to them again, and every time i get a new one i tell myself im gonna but i never do cuz im fuckin awkward lmao

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

i......don't really do angsty endings. like, most of my fics end with smooches and/or love confessions lmao, i don't like leaving things off sad, even if it starts depressing as hell.

maybe this one? it still ends soft but without resolving the thing billy was angsting about, so.

Do you write crossovers? If so what's the craziest one you've ever written?

hahahhha.............i don't really do them anymore, but i already said i was into the whole animation movie crossover thing, so. yeah, i did lol. it was when i was in high school so of course i did one that was like, every disney character ever and they're going to school together. which really isn't that crazy a concept, but it was a lot of movies to write in so maybe that counts

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

nahh, not rly. i don't get around enough to attract anti attention lol, tho i did get one of those "👎" comments when someone was going around doing that, which lbr, is so low effort it barely counts 😂

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

yea sometimes. i do get the occasional horny idea lmao. mostly "what if touch-starved character + tenderness" or someone having lots of feelings while they're fucking. someone is usually billy lbr. i've also got a couple "what if someone got tied up and treated right" ideas but i don't think i've actually published any of those lmao

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

don't think so?

Have you ever had a fic translated?

i have not

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yea, kinda! a collab with a friend of mine for fun

What's your all time favourite ship?

i...don't know? i get emotionally invested in characters more than the relationships themselves lol. i don't even know what ship i've been invested in for a long time, most of the shit i shipped as a kid i don't give a fuck about anymore lol.

except fuffy, actually. i've always shipped buffy/faith

and if we wanna go with fandom i've actively stuck with the longest it'd be harringrove. cuz ive been here and writing shit for yall for over a year now when i usually would've cycled thru a couple fixations by now lol

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

that's a mean question lmao how dare you. i honestly don't know, i have a lot of wips and i want to finish all of them. i know i won't but there isn't one specifically that seems less likely than the others so idk

What are your writing strengths?

uhhhhh.....i mean i've been told that my characterization is good? like, ppl being able to picture the actual characters when they're reading n stuff, so that's nice. and i could write introspection forever, u don't even know man, i get in the zone. i love getting in a character's head and picking apart their emotional state

What are your writing weaknesses?

writing dialogue really trips me up because i get picky about word choice lmao. i can be writing uninterrupted for twenty minutes cuz it's all a character's inner monologue but the second they gotta speak out loud im sittin there like ok what words sound natural and how much would they be willing to say etc. etc. suddenly it's an hour later and i've written three lines of dialogue. plus i tend to edit as i go so i'm always stopping and going back and rewriting stuff instead of just finishing the damn story

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

no thoughts head empty

lmao for real tho idk? i mean there's that one trope, when someone says nice stuff in a language the other person doesn't speak because they're pining and not sure if they're allowed to say it outright, that shit's cute. im sure all the google translated dialogue has been annoyin as shit for native speakers lmfao but yeah

What was the first fandom you ever wrote for?

probably harry potter but i literally have no idea. i started writing fic in my early teens and that time of my life is a big fuckin blur lmao

What's your favourite fic you've written?

ngl i think my fav fic is one of the multi-chapter wips i haven't published lmao

BUT. if i gotta pick something yall have read, this one. just a lil guy. plant dad billy and domesticity. it's cute and i like it. maybe also this fic that i wrote for valentine's day. i wrote basically the whole thing in one day and i was really proud of myself lmao, and i just really like headcanoning backstory for billy & that fic is rly just about him growing up, so

tagging @rvspberryjvm @wingedbears @paperbodiesamongthestars @platypan

if yall wanna! 💕

[puppy-phum]

for the character ask...OUR FAV BOY LIU SANG

(*´∇｀*)/💖

i had to come answer this one bc!! my son!!!! aaaaaaahhhh!!!!!! so thank you sob now i can talk about my second sour grape boy,,, wait. ok well, hissy kitten  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  spot the difference (you can’t)

give me a character

(placing this one under a cut too bc oh boy. i have things to say about liu sang)

How I feel about this character

Good lord. I feel so many ways about Liu Sang. He is absolutely amazing but he also just drives me insane every day. No other character has ever given me such headaches, he must be proud. Finally someone suffers as much as him (because I bet those ears cause him a permanent migraine). I feel sorry for him. I’ll take this pain gladly if it helps him in any way. 

But well. As simply as with Jiang Cheng, I do love Liu Sang. I shouldn’t really be surprised (at this point) that I fell in love with him but back when I was watching Reboot, he hit me like a truck. Which,,, he probably drove that truck himself, judging from the way he was handling the car chase with Jiang Zisuan. Just ruthlessly drove me over. I never stood a chance, not in front of that arrogance and stubbornness and enormous puppy eyes. 

And with all of himself, good and bad, he makes me feel so many things. One of those, probably the strongest one, is protectiveness. He needs someone to protect him from himself because he has a nasty self-destruction streak going. Boy has not known love since he was born. He has gone through way too much to try handle it alone. I can’t even remember how old he is supposed to be in Reboot (maybe 29?), but that is way too many years of fighting a battle he was never supposed to win. But he pulled through. Cynical and prickly and absolutely terrified of any human contact but he fucking pulled through. I want to fight some battles for him now. He deserves to rest. He deserves some peace and quiet and unconditional care. I want to tell him that he doesn’t deserve all the pain he’s going through, all the pain he himself is putting his body through because he thinks he can only be used as a punching bag. I want to tell him he deserves friends. I want to tell him that it’s okay to trust people again. I want to... just protect him. And maybe this is why – because of all this fragile mess I’ve discovered from inside of him while trying to figure out who he is – I struggle so much with writing him. I feel like I’m bringing up things no one is supposed to see. I feel like I’m pulling out words from him like teeth. But at the same time, I know he’s desperate to tell these things. 

So I struggle because I love him. Willingly. But oh boy does he annoy me sometimes, under all that protectiveness and fondness I have for him.  

All the people I ship romantically with this character

I am quite sure at this point that I don’t really ship Liu Sang with anyone. No one clicks with him in my head so well that I could feel myself slipping into the proper shipping territory. But I haven’t minded any of the ships I’ve seen for him, not Pingxiesang (which makes me super soft) or him with Kanjian (which is so sweet) or even @kholran’s pool noodle Risang (which is very interesting and I will read your fic, friend, when I am out of my Pingxie pit! I just need to feed these beasts first). I am mostly just very intrigued by all these ships people come up with because it really plays to my wish to just explore his dynamic with every other character that is available for him. 

But to put it simply: Not one perfect match exists for him yet in my head. Let’s give boy some time to figure out freindships first. 

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Well, this one I love because! This is what he is all about for me, somehow. So I will mention three: Xiaoge, Bai Haotian, and Pangzi. 

First, like I already mentioned in my Xiaoge answer, I adore Liu Sang’s dynamic with his ouxiang. They are both so damn awkward. I feel like I’m following a train wreck happening in slow motion any time I see them interact but instead of death and flames and screeching metal, it’s. surprisingly soft and sweet? They are both very tentative when it comes to people so they somehow get each other? Even if Liu Sang is a mess when it comes to Xiaoge which I totally get because I have once in my life met a person I consider a celebrity and who I look up to a lot and I was just shaking. And giggling. And acting dumbly. So I don’t blame Liu Sang for any of that; I’m actually quite proud that he’s keeping his cool so well and despite the rough start, manages to be a huge asset to his ouxiang. I am so happy that he gets to have this budding friendship with Xiaoge because they both need it.

Then! Bai Haotian. I’ve been thinking about them a lot lately and the more I rewatch some of their scenes together, the more I notice that they really develop a bond during Reboot. They are in a very similar position: brought in because of their idols, young, sometimes overlooked, struggling, and usually falling behind. And oh, definitely in need of some saving and with tragic backstories. They could be such amazing friends, and I think they come to trust and care for each other during their trip to Thunder City. Bai Haotian is so caring by nature and then Liu Sang is just right there. And Bai Haotian is so lowkey about her care; she doesn’t push if people don’t want her to, which works so well for Liu Sang. She’s there when needed. She doesn’t ask too much. She knows how it feels to look up to one of the members of the Iron Triangle and then curl your own life around them. (She also knows how it feels to have a crush on that same member and then notice that crush will never lead you anywhere, though I guess Bai Haotian comes to realize that during their trip instead of years before but well, details.) She doesn’t judge Liu Sang and somehow Liu Sang comes to rely on her a lot. 

And last but not least (never the least!): Pangzi. God I adore these two to bits. Their banter is just *chef’s kiss* and when I look at them, all I can think about is a big dog trying to pat a hissing kitten with its paw. Which then turns to the kitten play fighting the dog’s big paw. And then getting tired. And falling asleep. While the huge dog just curls its body around the kitten to keep it warm, and maybe the kitten swats at the dog slightly for show but actually it enjoys it. Because it’s nice and soft and very warm. So yes, I love it how Pangzi and Liu Sang start off as enemies but come to care for each other. I cry about the peanut scene every day. Yes please adopt this poor stray kitten, he deserves a loving home ;; Give him food and a blanket and maybe he will hiss a little less (Pangzi also gives great hugs and Liu Sang deserves a dozen. For starters.) 

My unpopular opinion about this character

Once again I am at a loss with this. I don’t really know what this fandom thinks about Liu Sang? I feel like our tiny Liu Sang hyping corner here on tumblr is very much unified with the opinions. We all love him a lot and want the best for him, case closed. So maybe I’ll just talk about my hypersensitivity headcanon for him? Let me do that for fun haha

So, I know he’s sensitive to sounds. Understandable, with his skills. And I feel bad for him for that because it must be horrible at times (we get introduced to him through him vomiting because he can’t handle a train station with all the noise, christ) but I also somehow relate to that. I get sensitive to sounds sometimes too. A simple click of my mouse can be annoying at times. I require absolute silence quite often, and this intensifies if my emotions are on the negative side. So, somehow I’m taking things from that. Touch hurts when he’s feeling bad about himself. Noises annoy him when he’s angry or scared. Lights look too bright or he feels like he can’t focus his gaze when he’s sad or panicking. Smells and tastes are intensified when he’s stressed. I dunno, just simple little things. Him feeling through his senses. Him just generally being sensitive with his feelings because this world is a demanding place and pushes you into feeling things. And I feel like a lot about him is already tied to his hearing so why not his feelings too? I’ve read so many nice takes on him which somehow support this so I feel like this just fits right in. 

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon

Liu Sang joins the final celebration!! Him just disappearing doesn’t make sense at all!!!! Let him get hugs!!! Let him be happy!!!! Oh my god. I was so mad about that and still am because no way did he just leave and not join his new friends for this final evening!!! Dammit. No matter how much he feels like he doesn’t belong and like he’s just “a hired talent” among them, he’s not that dull!! He got those damn peanuts and some hugs and shoulder pats from people, he was there saving the day, he managed to create bonds!!! And god, knowing Wu Xie, he would never allow Liu Sang to think that lowly of himself!!!! He would be there to offer Liu Sang the world if he wants it!! Gaaaahhhh

So yeah, give Liu Sang his moment with his new family or I am throwing something, for fuck’s sakes

thank you again for sending me these asks ♥ i’ll answer the rest during these next few days! you’re amazing!!

[ofstarsandvibranium]

Caramel Macchiato

Fandom: Marvel (Coffee Shop AU)

Pairing: Chubby!Bucky x F!Reader

Summary: Ever since you moved to Brooklyn, you’ve been looking for a great coffee shop where you can drink your coffee and work on your writing. Rogers and Barnes Coffee might be your savior.

This was probably the sixth coffee shop you’ve visited within the two weeks of you being settled in Brooklyn. It looked like all the rest, very quaint and homey on the outside, but did the inside give the same vibe? 

You took a deep breath and pulled the door open, the warm smell of coffee hitting you as soon as you walked in. 

“Welcome to R and B Coffee!” a tall handsome blonde called from behind the counter as he handed off change to a customer. 

You looked around and nodded. The place was two stories. From what you could tell, the downstairs portion was the coffee shop and the upstairs portion was some sort of library, reading area? You could see bookshelves, so you figured that was it. 

Fresh plants lined the window panes as well as sitting nooks. There were soft couches and chairs scattered around the place along with wooden chairs and small round tables. This just might be your place, but the final verdict would be made after you taste their coffee. 

When you move up closer to the front, the blonde behind the counter switches with an equally handsome brunette. He has scruff on his face, shoulder length hair tied into a mini bun. You can see he has some pudginess too him by how the apron covering him hugs his stomach, showing the roundness of his belly. But he’s still incredibly handsome. 

Eventually, it’s your turn to order. Your eyes meets striking blue ones and, for a moment, you’re frozen. 

The brunette man smiles softly, “Hi, welcome to R and B Coffee. I’m Bucky. What can I get you today?”

You shyly smile back and order, “An iced caramel macchiato with almond milk and an extra shot, please.”

He nods, putting the order into the computer, “Alright, anything to eat or munch on?”

You shrugged, “Sure, what do you recommend?”

“My buns,” he says with a smirk and you nearly choke. 

“W-What?”

He chuckles with a shake of my head, “My cinnamon buns, doll. Make ‘em myself. Not to brag, but people say it’s one of the best things they’ve ever tasted.”

You giggle at your foolishness and then agree to order a cinnamon bun. You pull out your wallet and Bucky shakes his head, “Newcomers always get their first order free.”

“Oh, hm. What if you don’t remember someone and you end up giving them a free order?”

He shrugs, “Then they get a free order, but I have an amazing memory. So it’s not a problem. Anyway, I can I get a name for the order?”

“Y/N.”

“Alright, Y/N. Your order will be out soon and I hope you enjoy my buns,” he sends you a wink and you head towards the stairs to check out the sitting area there. 

_________

When Bucky finishes taking orders, he goes to help Steve fulfill them. That’s when Steve leans over murmuring, “You put a lil’ bit too much charm on that customer. Practically scared her away,” he ends with a smirk. 

Bucky gives his friend a shove, “Shut up, you punk. I didn’t scare her away! She was just overwhelmed by my looks and charm.”

“Suuuure, Buck. Anyway, her order’s finished. Wanna call for her or-”

“I’ll bring it to her!” he immediately grabs your drink and cinnamon bun, carefully making his way to the upstairs sitting area. 

When he gets there, he sees you sitting at the table next to the window pane. The sun hitting you from the side perfectly and creating a glow about you. You looked beautiful. 

Bucky proceeded to slowly approach you, setting own the plate and cup in front of you, which startled you, “Holy son of-”

He bursts into giggles, “Sorry, doll. Didn’t mean to scare ya.”

You shook your head, “No, no. It’s alright. Guess I just got too in the zone. But thank you for bringing my order.”

“No problem. Mind if I ask what you’re working on?”

“A novel. Science fiction with some romance.”

“I love science fiction,” Bucky breathed out in disbelief. 

Your shy smile brightens when you hear this, “Me too! I’ve probably read The Martian like ten times.”

“Same here!” Bucky says just as excitedly. He’s about to ask you what other science fiction books you’ve read until Steve hollers for him from downstairs.

“Buck! I need your help with something!”

Bucky sighs, “Duty calls. Well, enjoy your coffee and your bun, Y/N. Hope you like ‘em.”

“Thanks, Bucky.” you give him a small wave and he waves back. When he goes downstairs, he glares at his best friend.

“Thanks for interrupting us, you punk! I was just starting to get to know her!”

Steve snorts, “Yeah, well, can you get to know her when it isn’t the beginning of the lunch rush?”

“Fine,” he mumbles dejectedly and goes to take orders at the counter. 

__________________

This place was perfect. The atmosphere was great, the wifi was impeccable, you loved all the natural lighting, the upstairs sitting area was very homey, the coffee was perfect, the cinnamon bun delicious, and the workers? Well, Bucky may or may not be one of the big reasons you keep coming to Rogers and Barnes Coffee. 

It’s been three months since you first started going to R&B Coffee and you’ve been going whenever you can. 

Whenever you walked in, you were met with the smell of coffee and the warm greetings of the two owners. Bucky sounding more eager than Steve. 

There was no denying that the two of you had some sort of connection, the clear signs of flirting from the both of you was evidence enough. It was funny though, seeing Bucky, who’s a very flirtatious and confident guy, get the equal treatment of being complimented. He wasn’t used to getting it thrown back at him with just as much power and intensity that you give. But he loved it. 

“I like your buns.”

He choked on his spit and coughed out a, “W-What?”

You smirked when you replied, “Your cinnamon buns, Bucky.”

Realization struck and you could see the blush forming on his cheeks, “Oh. Yeah. Right! Those buns!”

You took the change he handed off to you and before you left, you said, “And I like your butt too,” with a wink and you headed up to the upstairs sitting area. 

Bucky then rushed over to Steve, “I’m gonna marry her.”

“What? Who?” his confused blonde friend asked.

“Y/N. I’m gonna marry her.”

Steve snorted, “Sure you are, pal.”

When Bucky brought up your order, he sat down across from you and you looked up from your laptop.

“Don’t you have to work?”

“I do, yeah,” he twiddled his thumbs nervously, “But, uh, i just wanted to ask you something first.”

“Okay.”

“Would you like to go on a date with me?”

“I’d love to.” you say with a smile and Bucky’s own smile widens.

“Oh! Well, uh, great! I mean-, ” 

You giggle and take out a pen, scribbling your name and number onto a napkin and handing it to him, “Call or text me whenever.”

“Cool. I’ll hit you up soon, doll!” he gets up and bends down pressing a kiss on your cheek and then he freezes, “Wait, I-was that-”

“It’s fine, Bucky,” you chuckle, “Now you better get back to work before Steve scolds you again.”

“Right. Yeah. Okay. See you later!” he then barrels down the stairs and heads to Steve, flaunting the napkin with your number on it, “One step closer to marrying her, Stevie!”

Steve shakes his head with an amused grin, “Can’t believe it took you three months to ask her out.”

Bucky just shrugs, “Better late than never,” and he fondly glances up to the sitting area where you were. 

[touchmycoat]

Well I finished 判官 (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

This is a wild ride. I like the theme in general, the cage and the puppet are a really cool idea. And the writing, the poignant slow pace with a shit ton of nature metaphor? The mundane daily life sandwiched between badass action and angsty narrative? The revelation of what Xie Wen did for Wen Shi and Wen Shi counters it with what happened to his soul? Hell damn, I screenshot like a maniac and sent them to my friend like "hey see this delicious hell? jump with me!" My favorite moment is definitely the "紅塵 Kiss" because it knocked me off my feet and robbed all my sense and sensibility. Very close behind are "wind and pine tree, the moon lightens for three thousand miles, the sky doesn't grant him the day to come home" (Xie Wen), "when there's no place to go they want to come home" (the disciples) and "don't look back" ༼ つ ಥ_ಥ ༽つ

I actually finished 铜钱龛世 also by 木苏里 beforehand so I kind of expected all the characters may somehow link together. I love the relationship between the old man and the boy so much. Since Cage 1 it hooked me into the story and it just keeps getting better as the plot processes. He said they have 缘 and the bluebird metaphor? Chef Kiss!

Not a fan of the antagonist here not just because he's sure a dick but I'm often not into the final boss. The things the main cast went through just... not worth it. It only took one event from the past to go differently and they don't have to end up with all that shit. But I guess it serves the theme of 缘 and Karma, fate just happens and goes out of hand no matter how hard you try.

Oh and the other clans. I usually see corrupted 正派 but they are good guys and what they do at the end to both the Zhang siblings and Xie Wen is really sweet.

And now I get myself into 全球高考 (currently the fourth exam) and man this is another wild ride (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ

CONGRATULATIONSSSSSS AAAAHHH I’M SO HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY

I’ve never read Mu Su Li’s other works, so this was my first time encountering her treatment of these kinds of themes! Like, human desire can manifest in terrifying ways but when you break through to the heart of it, it’s 1) a cage that traps/hurts/scares both the owner and people around them, and 2) it’s a very comprehensible feeling that nobody is above having.

BUT YEAH ALSO THE WAY SHE MANIFESTED THAT WITH XIE WEN/WEN SHI, “LOOK AT ALL THE TERRIFYING SHIT THESE TWO WOULD DO JUST TO KEEP ONE MORE IOTA OF PAIN FROM FALLING ON THEIR BELOVED.” YEAH I SERIOUSLY JUMPED OFF OF SOMETHING VERY HIGH WHEN WE LEARNED WHAT HAPPENED TO WEN SHI’S SOUL.

i’m all about nature metaphors my friend TTTT Mu Su Li writes them so fucking well, and you’re 10000% on point with the poignant slow pace. The image that has stuck to me and continues sucking out my life’s blood to this day is Wen Shi, as a child and as a 1000+-year-old immortal, only wants to keep following Xie Wen. Wen Shi being the quiet baby snowman with his eyes fixed to the back of Xie Wen’s head????? I???? Kill me now?????

 > "wind and pine tree, the moon lightens for three thousand miles, the sky doesn't grant him the day to come home" fuck. me.

 > "when there's no place to go they want to come home" (the disciples) I’D BE ANGRY ABOUT THE OTHER TWO DISCIPLES IF I WEREN’T SURE AT LEAST ONE OF THE EXTRAS WILL BE ABOUT THEM aaaaahhh like, what the fuck. The lost-and-found family is so goddamn compelling TTTTTT Bu Ning.... baby.... babyboi..... you deserve the world.... or like a matcha latte i bet he’d love those....

 > DON’T. LOOK. BACK. eXCUSE ME. EXCUSE MEEEEE. XIE WEN???? AND THEN MOTHERFUCSKLJDNFAKSDJNFLAKJSNDLFJNALSDJFLSD WHAT WEN SHI DID I’M!!!! I’M!!!!!!!! I’M SO ANGRY BUT I’M ALSO SO!!!!!! HAPPY!!!! I HATE THEM THEY!!!! I LOVE!!!!! I LOVE!!!!!!!

yeah re: the antagonist, on my first readthrough i def had a moment when i was like, “oh. this guy? this motive? ...is this working for me?” But I totally decided yes ‘cause that scene was more about how badass Xie Wen and Wen Shi were LMFAO. What happened to Xie Wen and the disciples definitely feels hella not worth it!! I also remember thinking “jesus fucking christ that’s so terrible?? are they just gonna gloss over this??” re: Bu Ning but. Ack. I honestly don’t know if I’d enjoy the novel better if it were longer, and tied up every emotional loose end. THIS IS WHY WE NEED A FANDOM THO, to give us a resolution on these disciples feelings ;;;;

mmmm 緣 and karma as themes!!! I totally agree. There’s something really powerful too about the way Xie Wen kept up his calm/peace/resignation throughout the ending because he really is very much riding on that wave of 緣&fate. aND IT LEADS HIM BACK TO WEN SHI HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

oooh!! i have not heard of 銅錢龕世!! Do you recommend~? My friend was telling me how much she enjoyed Pan Guan ‘cause she thought Mu Su Li’s other works were too long and suffered for it skdfjnksdjnfsd but I know nothing. And i’m thinking of starting 全球高考 too!!!!!! eyes emoji eyes emoji eyes emoji