#oh tma how I need to relisten again

[regainingparadise]

Relistening to TMA Season 5, I am again struck by how goddam badly Martin and Jon need couples counseling.

I love them both. I ship them very much. But oh lord they have issues

Like, these are two individuals who, under the very best of circumstances, would really need therapy both individually and together. They are both people with plentiful quantities of relational trauma from childhood that neither of them have worked through even the slightest bit.

And then you throw them into the apocalypse. And you add a metric fuck ton of guilt, helplessness, and the dynamics of being "The Antichrist and +1"?

On a surface level--Jon is in a perpetual state of information overload. Martin is in a perpetual state of "can you please just explain the basics of what's' going on in a given situation and not just say "it's complicated" or launch into a gruesome monologue"

But on a deeper level, their childhood relational traumas have left them each with opposing avoidant tendencies: Jon is unwilling to broach a difficult conversation, which leads him to hide information until he's confronted. Martin, on the other hand, has a finely honed ability to ignore information that he doesn't like until he no longer can hide from it.

Biggest example of their avoidance tendencies: Martin's Domain

Way early on, when we barely understand any of how the hellscape works, Jon mentions it, Martin shuts it down hard and deflects quickly with a bid for affection from Jon

Martin is in deliberate denial, but Jon admittedly wasn't particularly clear to start with.

"We all have a domain."

Jon means it, presumably, as "Me, You, and other 'Avatars.'" Jon is used to being grouped with those empowered by the Entities. Martin isn't. (see also: MAG185: Martin" Is that how these creatures see us now? As one of them?") But that's not what Jon says. And this is MAG167--they've only been through four domains, at least that we've seen. Jon is speaking from a place of knowledge, and assuming his listener has that same knowledge.

And when this issue comes up much later in MAG183, Martin has spent 17 episodes ignoring or forgetting that he has a domain, not letting that information in so that he has never processed it. (See also: Mag170: "Sometimes I wonder if I forget things on purpose. Easier not to think about them, I guess. Easier to just let them… slip away. They can’t hurt you if you don’t think about them.").

Martin confronts Jon on his avoidance (because while Martin may be good at ignoring things he doesn't like, he's far better at bringing up challenging topics), Jon is able to manage some A+ communication on his feelings and the genuine challenging of figuring out how to share upsetting information when he has All The Information, Martin accepts that. I just desperately want a therapist to be there and make them continue this conversation and practice ongoing good communication skills!

Though they resolve this, even though Jon has an explanation that makes sense...he was really leaving this conversation to the last minute. Would he have "[brought] it up at the crossroads" as he claims to Helen? Or would he have avoided it entirely, as she accuses, or waited till they were at the threshold, as he does with The Desolation and the Hunt, leaving Martin to confront terrifying situations without forewarning or planning or explanation.

Again, Jon kind of tried to bring up some of the potential issues with Basira and Daisy before entering the Hunt domain, but kept it Vague and Ominous ("Things aren't...good"). Martin took that vagueness as an opening to avoid engaging with potential bad news. The teensiest bit of therapy for either of them about their communication issues could have let Jon add "I know you're exited but FYI here are some specifics that you should know" and/or Martin go "I'm excited to see them but given that nothing is good right now, can you be more specific?"

Instead, Jon approaches difficult conversations by being Vague and Ominous, Martin gets snarky or passive-aggressive at the vagueness, upset or aggressively avoidant at the Ominousness, Jon closes back up like a turtle into his shell, and the conversation only comes back up when the situation has drastically escalated, leaving them both more upset.

Jon wants Martin to trust him, because explaining what he knows implicitly is an ordeal for him, and because his upbringing by his grandmother has suggested that communicating is generally unwanted and burdensome (See: MAG081 A Guest for Mr. Spider).

Martin wants to know what is going on, because he's in an awful hellscape of shifting rules about what can and cannot hurt them, completely dependent on a brand-new romantic partner for his survival and purpose, and also because his upbringing and coping mechanisms as a caretaker rely on him knowing enough to help, and his time as an archival assistant has given him some not-inconsiderable trauma about being left in the dark (See: MAG118 The Masquerade) (There's also another post in my head about how MAG118 primed Martin for both the Lonely and his development as a more confrontational character in S5)

All that to say.

Martin needs therapy to deal with the way he chooses not to absorb information he doesn't like. Jon needs therapy to understand that sometimes it's ok to bring up important topics even if the other person will be upset. They both need therapy to cope with all the guilt and helplessness around the apocalypse so they stop taking it out on each other. They need therapy together to learn how to work through their conflicting coping mechanisms.

[lycanlovingvampyre]

MAG 171 Relisten

Activity on my first listen: cutting the French tamarisk in my garden (how fitting!).

JON: "Don’t. Touch. Anything." MARTIN: "I wasn’t planning to." [HE GIVES A LITTLE HEH AT THE END.] Fair, after Martin constantly wanted to touch the plastic explosives xD

MARTIN: "You sound like you think they’re beautiful." JON: "Don’t you?" He is what he is, a part of the Fears and does seem in tune with it here. Accepting it (5th stage of grief - acceptance. I do like that theory of each season representing one of the 5 stages of grief, even if S2 doesn't quite fit anger). But to be honest, I also think the flowers sound pretty cool. Some people find morbid aesthetics beautiful. I always have.

JARED: "Not to worry friend; no harm done. Just a bit of pruning will set you right." [HE CLIPS SOMETHING. THE PERSON-PLANT YELLS.] [JARED SHUSHES THEM AS THEY CONTINUE TO DO SO. THEY START CRYING, OVER SOME FLESHY SOUNDS. WATER BURBLES.] JARED: "No real fuss. Should sort you right out. Soon you’ll be good as new." [THE PERSON-THING CONTINUES TO WHIMPER IN THE BACKGROUND.] JARED: "Better, even. You just need to – reach down inside and – really feel that fear. Let it guide how you grow." That however I find horrifying again. Obviously hurting the person, so much that they cry out in pain, and still think that what he is doing is the right thing, helping the person...

JARED: (dismissive) "Oh, and who’s this? Your boyfriend?" [THIS IS CLEARLY MEANT TO BE A DISS.] MARTIN: "Um –" JON: (overlapping) "Yes, actually." JARED: (Ah!) "Oh. Hm." Okay, the obvious here is of course Jared trying to diss Jon using homosexuality/homo-romanticism as an insult (is this btw. the only time homophobia comes up in TMA? There was implied transphobia in MAG 110, but otherwise?), which absolutely doesn't work on Jon and he even immediately answers with full confidence, taking the wind out of Jared's sails in an instant. Which can be a very good strategy against bullies, they want an emotional negative reaction, if you just refuse to give that to them, they will move on to their next victim (sadly for that poor soul). But it also tells a bit more about each character here. Jared has been described as "thick as mud" in MAG 17, that is pretty typical for individuals like that to resort to xenophobia, homophobia, misogyny, etc. But Jon and Martin also tell us something here. Martin was absolutely not sure how to react. As far as I know he's gay, there was never any indication that he's bi or pan, so I'll go with that. He probably had plenty of experiences being bullied for being gay, especially if you take his age into account. Growing up in the 90s/early 2000s was probably not a good time (absolutely not saying it was easier before!). Homosexuality was listed in the ICD-9 in 1977. That is the International Classification of DISEASES!! It was only removed from the ICD-10 in 1990! (Not going into it's record in the DSM because that's only used in the US and we're in the UK here, but it was similarly bad, it was seen as a mental illness.) And additionally 1997 was the peak of HIV and AIDS epidemic and that really fueled homophobia back then. I remember calling someone/something gay was a really common insult back then among teens. So denying his homosexuality especially among unfamiliar and (duh!) hostile people is probably super hardwired into Martin, and he never was someone with a lot of self-confidence anyway (total opposite: Tim for example, of whom we know he's not private about "that stuff" - MAG 69).  And then we have Jon, biromantic. We don't know if he has ever dated men before, but generally being bi means you're probably a lot more likely to be in hetero-relationships, simply because it's a lot easier to find those. Also, I mean he has been raised by his grandma, there's every likelihood he has subtly been raised in a homophobic way and there's a good chance he has tried to rationalize crushes on other men as "a really close friend whom I'm looking up to", even if deep down he knows it's not that. Okay, what I'm saying is he probably hasn't experienced external homophobia towards him. I do like the popular fanon idea, that Georgie helped him work through that, as she seems a lot more confident than him. Otherwise he has probably experienced acephobia or he hid his asexuality well enough and grew up super insecure on the inside without showing it. Which, considering his behavior in S1, is pretty likely for his character. So it does make sense for Jon to show confidence here, given the possibility of him never to have experienced homophobia, usually presenting super sure of himself and also by now he knows how powerful he is in this world, that probably also works very well as a boost. (Also it's super cute how sure and smug Jon sounds, like he's extremely proud about Martin being his boyfriend.)

JARED: "Anyway. Willing. Unwilling. Don’t work like that anymore, does it? You made sure of that." MARTIN: "That’s – not fair." JARED: "And what?" MARTIN: "I – I – Mm, uh –" Ah yes, trying to speak up for Jon, which takes a lot of energy. Makes sense that he's deflating again when more resistance is coming his way.  Also, all the monsters and Avatars seems to know it was the Archivist's doing. Helen is obvious, she has suspected it and watching them this whole time. Oliver could kind of suspected it because the Web sent him to wake up Jon. But Jared here?

JARED: "[S’right.] Don’t really matter now, does it?" JON: "No. No, it doesn’t." Yeah, blaming someone doesn't change anything about the situation that resulted from it.

JARED: "Alright. Well, I’d like to hear about my garden." It's so funny how that somehow inspires, what? Sympathy? Compassion? Pity? in me. Like he loves that place, it means something to him and he wants to hear its beauty one last time. Aside from the plants being human beings suffering, it does sound peaceful here, birds, wind chimes...

"The soil should be prepared first, a rich and earthy cocktail of insecurity and self-hatred that allows the roots to twist and contort freely. The temperature should be kept the steady, humid warmth of air conditioners struggling to cope with the perspiration of a dozen bodies pushing themselves too hard, while the lights must be kept at a harsh, fluorescent glare." Pushing yourself at fitness studios to fit a certain beauty standard? Sounds like it to me.

"Counterintuitively, growth is most effective when the orchid is suffering from aggressive dehydration, and it is vitally important that the air roots be rarely praised, and only for the flowers’ appearance and growth." Yeaaah, sounds even more like body building. And this one is called Fortisium Reese, fortis meaning strong, fortisium also sounds a bit like fortissimus, the superlative of fortis. Dehydration is commonly used to get rid of that bit of subcutaneous water, so the muscles can be even better visible under the skin. And then the only thing that matters is appearance and ever more and more muscles.

"While the Gristlebloom Orchid may be the most eye-catching of the plants that you will find in the mortal garden, the Bone Rose is perhaps the most delicate. Thin and brittle, it is constantly on the verge of collapsing under its own weight, even as its ossified stems reach and twist and stretch in a desperate attempt for closeness." Beauty-standard super-skinny, Gracillium Patricia, gracilis - thin.

"At the final, glorious culmination that a body may someday achieve, the ever-retreating perfections that sit always on the tip of a knife. But also growing with the flower must be that other dread: Not of perfection to be hunted, but of decay to be fled." Plastic surgery? Decay to be fled - fear of aging? Secarium Leopold, secare - to cut.

"This is Maeve’s nightmare. There is no other word for it. To be trapped, unmoving, within the body that has betrayed her so often, feeling every sensation as it grows and warps and sprouts, never knowing what new mutation it will visit on her next." Ya, same. 

JARED: "Is it really that bad? Seeing what I’ve done here? Or – (heh) Is it maybe that deep down, you think it’s as beautiful as I do?" JON: (*snapping*) "Shut up!" Not willing to let those who he considers a monster know how he feels about it though.

MARTIN: "Are you okay?" JON: "I’m – (*not great*) Great. You?" Martin probably asked because it does seem to take Jon a bit of effort to call upon the Eye to shift its gaze, since he gasped there, when Jared was successfully deleted from existence. But Jon gets all snappy and defensive. Saying he's great when he isn't. He probably expected to feel great, or at least better, but it's doing nothing. Revenge doesn't give him the satisfaction he hopes it would.

MARTIN: (bit of a laugh) "I really thought this one would be messier." JON: "What do you mean?" MARTIN: "Well I mean – he’s a Flesh – thing, right? I thought he’d be all meat and blood and gore and all that." JON: (bit of a laugh) "Apparently not." MARTIN: "He didn’t even put up a fight." JON. "No." Right after Jude who was resisting really hard, trying to convince Jon to let her live, help his revenge arc even, Jared here just accepted what's coming for him. That probably contributed to rethinking the smiting.

MARTIN: "Jon – we are doing good, right? Making things better?" [THE SLIGHTEST OF PAUSES.] JON: "I don’t know if that was ever an option." The smiting is just a selfish act, Jon letting his anger getting the better of him, blinding him.

@a-mag-a-day

[pitchblackkoi]

20 Questions for 20 Writers

okay so my dear friend @localdisasterisk tagged me in this. i do not interact w many writers on this platform and therefore will not be tagging anyone. i am aware that is not entirely the point of this exercise. however if u look into ur heart and believe in yourself u can decide without being tagged to do this. anyway thanks risk this is gonna be a mess.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

16 apparently. that is. a lot more than I thought it was if i am being so real w u all.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

85,705. this being bc a majority of my stuff is fairly short oneshots. but is also more than i thought. i rly don't delete stuff off of this account.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

well currently its persona 5. because i have a curse. i did not think i wld be here still a year and a half later but life surprises u at times i suppose.

i've also written for critical role, tma, and some other podcasts. there's a couple of technically original works on there that's mechanisms oc based.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

at the expense of the death of a bachelor, which is unsurprising. tma is still fairly popular and its a jonmartin arranged marriage au. i get emails abt it a lot.

this is the road to ruin (and it started at the end), which is the sequel to the previous fic so. still not surprising.

forever is composed of nows, which is still tma, still jonmartin but this time an au kidfic. if u had told me in high school i wld have a somewhat popular kidfic i wld have laughed at u but the wheels of time do strange things to us.

nothing you say can stop me going home, which is honestly kind of a shock. its post-canon shadowgast and i have not read it since i published it. i don't consider it to be that good and if memory serves i wrote it very quickly but i suppose it is more accessible than my other shadowgast oneshot as this one is not 30k.

don't you know that the kids aren't alright which is a wolf 359 jacoffel fic. which let me tell u. not a popular ship so there's not as much fic compared to, say, kepcobi. i actually reread it recently after i did a w359 relisten and. it sure is Origins Of A Fic Writer.

5. Do you respond to comments?

i try to? i definitely do for more recent works but older stuff tends to fall to the wayside. if u leave comments on my tma fics, thank u so much. i see them. i appreciate them. i don't know when i will reply.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

oh fuck i am not an angst writer. uh. and in the end i'd do it all again maybe? a cursory glance tells me it ends with people crying. but knowing myself it's not particularly angsty. i am, again, not much of an angst writer.

actually wait. remembered the ending of my most recent work. trust the way we're made ends like that bc i was being mean to akira. and akechi tbh. and needed to set up for the one meant to come after that which. will straight up have an angsty ending actually so look forward to that i suppose. but yeah that one’s also not that angsty just. again kinda mean.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

oh probably the most difficult thing to read is time. its shadowgast childhood friends goodness. it gets dark but to me, that just means the ending is lighter with the ending they get.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not unless people r posting my shit in their gcs to make fun of privately. in which case more power to u ig that shits none of my business.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

no. there’s a couple reasons for this. one is that i haven’t before, not even shit that’s just for me as practice. i don’t feel particularly comfortable doing it, especially to post. and for two i’m on the ace spectrum and haven’t ever rly felt the need. maybe i will someday, and if i do i will surely get advice from saturn as he is the writer i’m closest to who has both experience and Opinions on smut. but i don’t foresee it happening any time soon tbh.

10. Do you write crossovers?

i don’t! i used to dabble in that sort of thing with friends, just coming up w dumb little crossover aus for fun. sometimes i even still do it as more of a thought experiment for how characters from different properties wld interact. but i don’t ever have much of a plot in mind when i do this so i don’t see myself writing crossovers really. but who knows! never say never.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope! no one’s ever asked. i’m pretty small time.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no! i’ve had lovely betas and people who let me bounce ideas off of them but i’ve never properly cowritten anything w anyone. i almost did once but the project got abandoned pretty quickly.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

i feel like i’m being asked to pick a favorite child. stucky is kinda the old faithful i feel like. idk what the girlies were on in 2014 but they proceeded to crank out shit that makes me STILL cry. i feel like shuake shld also get a shout out for both being the current fave and also having some truly insane tied together by fate shit going on. time will tell how much they stick w me but i have a feeling.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i have a lot of abandoned wips in my gdocs but by far the one i think abt the most is the shadowgast the night circus au. it had a lot of potential. i wish i had the motivation to write it. but cr2 has been over for years now and its a true miracle the 30k one i did publish got finished. my little shoutout to it is the fact that the title comes from a quote from that book.

16. What are your writing strengths?

my dialogue and general voice. i think i’m very good at characterization and can capture voice well. most disagreements i have when i’m the editing process involve me having to explain i worded something like that on purpose bc that’s how a character wld think.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

oh description. 100%. i’m so bad at describing shit it truly feels like pulling teeth. i’m the kind of person who thinks in terms of words and am bad at imagining images and it makes it hard. i’ve also been told i cld be better at grammar.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i mean two things on this right? i was in the stucky trenches back in the day and bitches LOVED to put just random russian in the middle of their fics. i know a lot abt how i think u can do this badly. especially if u put the words u translated in an entirely different alphabet than the rest of the fic. if u do this i (and most other readers) cannot even get an idea of what that’s supposed to sound like.

the other thing is that i have done this. like in cr2 canon sometimes in the most difficult thing to read is time caleb will say things in zemnian (german). i did my best to put the meaning of whatever word i used into the story. when i did put a full sentence in german in there i got it translated by someone who speaks the language. i even put an exact translation in the authors note. i was careful abt this and have not gotten a complaint abt it from any readers so i assume people didnt have complaints.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

depends entirely on what u mean by wrote for. if u mean and then published then it’s marvel. these r no longer on my ao3 but im sure if u went digging u cld find them. they’re reader insert fics and they aren’t very good. this has nothing to do w the fact that they’re reader inserts and everything to do w the fact that i wrote them in high school.

if u mean just wrote well. i wrote a rise of the guardians fic starring jack frost and a friend of mine as a joke in middle school. this is all i will say on this subject.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

again asking me to pick a favorite child but just. way more literal this time.

probably the most difficult thing to read is time. again. i keep mentioning it and it is bc it’s the longest thing i’ve ever written and took 2 1/2 real years of my life to get finished. if u like shadowgast pls give it a read. i did put my actual heart and soul into that one.

if u had to have me pick a second it wld probably be this will be the day. i had a lot of fun and learned a lot writing it. had never written a fight scene before doing that and realized when i was already writing i had sort of written myself into a corner where i HAD to write fight scenes. bc it’s a rwby au. for persona 5. both series that u know. have combat. give it a read if u like p5. u don’t actually have to know anything abt rwby for that one i explain anything u wld need to know.

[aflyingcontradiction]

The Magnus Archives Relisten: Episode 192 - An Appointment

Georgie: Tell her yourself when you get back down, okay?

From the delivery of that line you can clearly tell Georgie was about to say "if" instead of "when".

Rosie: Good morning! Do you have an appointment?

I really did not expect to see Rosie again at this point in the show. And I sure as heck didn't expect her to get a full statement!

‘Jonathan Sims’, the name read. She knew him. Well, knew of him, the things they said about him in the break room, the sort of things that passed across Mr. Bouchard’s desk about him. She hadn’t been snooping, exactly, but maybe a little bit curious.

It makes so much sense for someone with just a touch of "nosiness" to be perfect Eye fodder.

She wanted to warn them, to tell them something was wrong, but… what if it made Mr. Bouchard angry? Why did the thought of that terrify her so? He was just a man, and he’d never been anything but cordial to her. Did she need this job that badly?

Maybe the implication is that this is, to some degree, the Eye stopping Rosie from just leaving or her realising Elias is evil, but also ... I'm like this without any supernatural influences. Of course you're terrified he'll get mad at you, he's your BOSS! How could you NOT be???

She was just going to sit there, watch, and hope to go unnoticed. And a small part of her, almost wanted to see what was going to happen.

Rosie is very relatable. I, too, get the urge to know way too many details about trainwrecks that any reasonable person would stay faaaar away from (mind, I think I've gotten a better handle on that urge than I used to have).

By then it was too late. In many ways it felt like it had always been too late.

Ouch!

Martin: Oi! Dickhead!

I just love Martin straight-up going "OI! DICKHEAD!" at Jonah Magnus. I mean, the scene surrounding it is extremely tragic, just seeing what Jonah's work has turned him into and thinking, surely, surely even he couldn't have wanted this, but then "OI! DICKHEAD!" just absolutely shatters the tension.

My impression of this episode

I really like the structure of this episode, the flash-backs to events of the previous four episodes from an "outsider's perspective" alternating with Rosie's view of the apocalypse. I also really enjoy Rosie as a character and find it a shame that there's so little of her in TMA - but I suppose this statement would not have worked so well if there had been more than glimpses of her before this. Oh, and obviously the Jonah scene at the very end is just absolutely horrific in the best of ways.

[dathen]

Okay I have some complicated thoughts following Melanie’s arc that all build on top of each other and hinge HEAVILY on unreliable narrator interpretations so bear with me

In my relisten I’m at the beginning of s3, and it always shocks me a bit at how quickly she interprets Martin’s interaction with her as hostile.  I’m going to skip over the “it’s understandable, Melanie’s had a hard time in her career” disclaimers since there’s plenty of meta on that already, and instead follow the effects of this tendency: not on others, this time, but on her

(This got absurdly long and covers so many episodes so I’m going to split it into separate pre- and post-bullet surgery posts)

Rewinding a bit, the last time she was at the Institute, she was starting to get along with Jon before he seemed confused about her comment on “the other Sasha.”  It takes her a split second to interpret that confusion as him suddenly deciding to gaslight and mock her, gets angry and tells him there is something seriously wrong with him, and leaves before he can ask what she means.  Given how tenuous their truce was and the fact she and Jon had mocked each other in the past, it’s an outburst that at least has some personal history behind it.

But only a couple episodes later, we learn that it’s not just Jon she responds to in this way.  In TMA 84, she meets our Martin Blackwood!  Customer service voice opposite-of-Jon politeness extraordinaire!  And as soon as he gets confused about the two Sasha comment, she.......immediately assumes that HE is also trying to gaslight her.  She insists that “I’m not doing this again” without giving him a chance to ask or explain, so they miss the opportunity to piece together the deal with the Not!Sasha.  Her doing this with someone she just met shows a much broader pattern than her interactions with Jon.

That very episode, Elias offers Melanie a job, and she accepts despite Martin’s protests.  Later, she accuses them all of them being an “old boy’s club” because she interpreted Martin’s warnings as sexism rather than trying to protect her.  As the audience, we see the unreliable narrator of her perspective at work: we know that Jon and Martin were genuinely confused, and we know that Martin was trying to save her, and that all of these instances were her seeing it as people being out to get her.

Hop forward to the notorious gossip scene in TMA 106.  Here, Melanie complains about Martin being hostile to her.  My first assumption was that this was all offscreen, but after this parade of misinterpretation and comparing to her and Martin’s actual interactions, I have to wonder:

TMA 84, after Martin tells Melanie about the murder, and right before Elias interrupts:

Martin:  Are you sure you’re alright?

Melanie:  Yes!  I just got… God, I’m kind of at the end, you know?

Martin:  The end of what?

Melanie:   Everything.  Friends, clues, savings. Everything.  Options.  There’s nowhere left for me to go . I don’t know why, but…  I just, I just felt that perhaps coming here might help.  And talking things out with Jon.  I mean, I mean he’s awful, but at least he listens, you know?

Martin:   (soft) Yeah.  ...I’m sorry.  Um, is there anything that I could, like, maybe...do for you?

They get interrupted immediately after this, so this was the first impression Melanie was given.  Then, when Elias offers the job, she...assumes Martin’s “I don’t think that’s a good idea” is from sexism, when he’d just been talking about murders and disappearances that caused that very job opening.

TMA 88 

Melanie:   Are you alright?

Martin:  Yeah… Sorry, just a lot of change recently, y’know.  You and John and Sasha and… everything’s gone a bit wrong.  It’s the not knowing, you know?  I mean, Jon’s still alive.  Not sure why, but I’m sure of that.  But Sasha, I…

Melanie:   Yes, it’s… it’s probably, um…

Martin:   Sorry, sorry, I’m...  What do you need?

Next interaction!  Oh this one HURTS.  Martin takes her question literally, and starts telling her why she’s not alright, a reverse of their earlier exchange.  But Melanie came by for a question and wasn’t prepared for an honest answer, so Martin quickly reels it in and asks what he can do for her once again.

Skipping forward a bit in that same scene:

Martin:   Oh, you weren’t here when we took the place over from Gertrude!  It’s been over a year just to get it like this.  I mean, I think the database was on Jon’s list, but--

Melanie:  So how do you track someone down?

Martin:   Oh, oh well, y’know, we’ve a few contacts in various record offices around the place.  Aside from that it’s just… just a bit of detective work, really.  Tim used to do a great line in impersonating people to utility companies!  Heh, the number of times he got them to give him ‘his own’ address--

Melanie:  Right, right… Um, this one, the name is 'Jude Perry.’ Doesn’t mean anything to you, does it?

I LOVE THIS EXCHANGE.  I TREASURE IT.  Having bottled up his emotions, Martin is going in full Friendly Helpful Coworker mode.  There are so many little details here signaling that he’s embracing her as part of the team, sharing anecdotes about Tim’s shenanigans and Jon’s old plans, looping her in as One of Them as he helps her get what she needs.  This is the kind of approach you go to management trainings to get, to help new hires feel welcome and part of things.  But alas, Melanie is in a hurry and wants to cut to the chase, so all this is lost on her.

TMA 98 - I won’t copy it all in here because it’s long, but this is an overwhelmingly positive interaction.  She asks if he’s okay, but he bottles it up and says he’s fine.  This time, she presses, and he admits it’s because of the statements.  Martin ends up asking for help!! and Melanie agrees!  She’s on the way to murder Elias, but she still gets credit for “I’ll ask him to cut you some slack.”  Then she invites him to drinks!

And then.... TMA 106

Melanie:   Anyway, Martin’s always been lovely to you.

Basira:  Hmm. I don’t know, I mean, you should have seen him when I turned up last year. I think he thought I was trying to steal his precious Archivist.

Melanie:   Ahhh. I got the exact same when Jon was hiding out, and came to me with his “source on the inside” stuff.  Martin was not impressed.

WAIT WHAT

We just looked over all their interactions!  They were all soft and lovely and welcoming!!  But then we hear Melanie with “well unlike how he is to me, Martin is nice to you.”  This was taken at face value for years, but when you line up all of the above, I feel there is a strong basis to say this is another case of Melanie’s first impressions + over-defensiveness gone wrong.  Just like we saw her initial bickerings with Jon solidify into series-long hostility, her interpreting Martin’s confusion as gaslighting and warnings about the job as sexism seems to have doomed her opinion of him long-term.  We hear Martin being kind and concerned and welcoming, then hear Melanie contrast it as bad treatment.

Recently, a mutual considered this even further to how she talked about losing all of her friends with the Ghost Hunt UK circles:

Melanie:  Even back then, I could feel all my old friends starting to distance themselves from me. ...  I stopped asking the others for help, and I kept my research to myself. I talked to them less and less. By the time I was arrested, I think a lot of them had already given up on me.

I have to wonder...did this sort of dynamic play out here, too?  Did she assume that her friends’ concern was judgment or hostility?  Were they giving up on her, or did she lash out and push them away?  Either way, it’s easy to see parallels to s2 Jon in her description, here, with her withdrawing and diving alone into increasingly risky research without asking for help.  And s2 Jon definitely shared Melanie’s tendency to see offers for help and support as hostile.  (Aside:  I interpret her and Georgie as not very close at this point, like a networking contact rather than a friend; Melanie comes to Jon for someone to talk to about her struggles above her, and Georgie seems to be unaware of all of Melanie’s encounters pre-s3)

And on that downer note I am ending part 1...but PART 2 IS GOING TO BE WAY HAPPIER THAN THIS.  Here, we see Melanie with a lot of people who would have supported her if she let them:  Martin, Jon, possibly the friends she said abandoned her.  But in her effort to protect herself and not let history repeat for how she’d been hurt in the past, she ends up alone and spiraling.

[pumpkintheriddlemaster]

do you have a favorite tma episode? :)

I’m so sorry this took me so long to get too, I just had a hard time trying to pick?!?

I couldn’t choose so now I’m gonna make it everyone else’s problem in this text response.

Like ok, the first that always comes to mind is MAG 65: Binary and MAG 74: Fatigue.

Binary because the thought of an Internet creepypasta being a real actual thing that exists in universe is the funniest thing imaginable.

Also how lovely the story is told! God such a good episode.

But like, there’s also Fatigue which like, keeps popping up in my mind low key only because there was a Uquize that gave you “what statement giver you are” and I got Lydia Halligan for ep 74 and it’s stayed rent free in my head so now it’s one of the few episodes that pop up in my head when someone asks.

Also that and you can feel the fact the jonny wrote this sleep deprived, bless.

I also, unfortunately, live in a constant state of fatigue so much relations to be had 😔.

BUT WAIT!!! THERES MORE???

Yes there’s more I love horror.

MAG 177: Wonderland is my absolute #1 fear and actually concern irl so I tend to actually really like and really relate to it? Like my body is in pain a good percentage of my time alive and more things keep popping up that are Concerning!™️ but going to the doctor about it gives me pause because of past experiences. I’ve also straight up broke down when I came home once because of anxiety and the fact that I Hate Being Touched And Doctor Had to Poke And Prod At Me And I Didn’t Like How I Was Spoken Too And So Much More ;-;. It’s just a good episode that Hits, me, in the face, at Full Speed!!!

Other eps I like for no other reason other then “Vibes Hard” are 24: Strange Music, 81: A Guest For Mr. Spider (huh I Wonder Why), 87: The Uncanny Valley (lmao), and 22: Colony (lmao I wonder why that one as well)

Also another I like for funny reasons is MAG 165: Revolutions because of someone on tumblr put the statement to a lowfi beat and it fucking ruled.

There are probably more that I might like more but it’s been a while since I’ve listened as I have the “can’t really pay attention or enjoy anything I like lately if I’ve already heard it before even if I really really really like said thing” disease. Which I believe comes from the depression side of my ADHD :/

(This has also started to effective my enjoyment of new things as well. :( man :( my brain sucks :(...)

So my rule of thumb is, if I remember it and it’s not the first few eps then it’s up there on my list!!! :D (because the first eps are truly sooooooooosososo good!) I also left out any that just had moments I liked after the statements as I wanted to focus on the statements and horror stories themselves! Not just for my undying admiration and love for Asexual King Jon Jarchivist J Jim’s and Martin Kartin Blackwood. Oh how I love them dearly <3

I can however tell you the ep I absolutely can not listen to again tho!!!

No matter how many time I relisten (or attempt to, stupid brain) I can never listen to MAG 6: Squirm ever again! I just can’t! My sex-repulsed ass was already second-guessing listening when I heard the episodes description for the first time. And then it got worse as I listened because EW GOD NO WHY EW. Like ew god the implications??? 😨 like I already think it’s gross but the worms make it more gross and horrifying. I already remember all the relevant information form the first time around! I don’t need another go! thank you! Have a good day!

Also side note, not anywhere near my favorite or least favorite (tho I can still relisten to it, mag 6 is the only one I can’t) but MAG 172: Strung Out scares me. Not in a “I relate to this” kind of way, I have never done a drug in my life and find it to be a waist of my time, hell I don’t even drink for the same reason. (Plus looking at my ADHD and some of my heritage, I’d be much more prone to addiction anyways.) To me it’s a waist of time and money and not something I care for as, surprise! I don’t like losing or being out of my own control! This ep scares me the same way it would probably scare Mr. GhostHunter Shane Madej.

Anyways! There’s my TMA episode thought! :D

[murple]

liveblog-ish pt. 2

Once again, some of these are from while I was listening, some are in retrospect. I find that typing while listening takes away from the ~full experience~

Anyways here’s my thoughts from episodes 10 - 15. spoilers, obviously.

(I forget how I formatted it last time so you’re stuck with this)

Ep 10 • Darius? DARIUS!!!! • Dont worry jared I'm just as dense as you. My friend had a crush on me for a year and almost confessed like 3 times and I never noticed • "Not trying hard enough" I'm gonna fistfight this therapist • I'm falling in love with darius by proxy • Oh god oh god camera • HELL YEAH STATIC AND GLITCHES

Ep 11 • WHAT • CASTIO?????? • OH GOD WTF • THIS IS JARED'S LAB PARTNER? THE CREDITS LADY???? • OH GOD • "Some... thing" Aghhhhhhhh • Oh god oh no oh god oh no • "Its" fuck you • Ok I'm gonna shut up and listen • Note from relisten: fuck he's being observed so much • "Creatures like those" this rules out option 1 • NO STAY AWAY FROM GROVE!!! I'm scared of dog sounds but I love him so STAY AWAY • Mr Zimmer sounds like the classic evil podcast man, like cutter • Note from relisten (bc I was too shook and angry the first time): FUCK ZIMMER • Dr rahal????? No he can't be evil too!! • "Human shell"???? • Note from relisten: this puts all the 'curse this flesh prison' in a very different light • Ok I'm gonna listen now

Ep 12 • Yup I knew they were evil therapists • Jared run away with darius. Just. Elope. • Not many notes bc I'm still reeling from ep 11

Ep 13 • IM CRYING THIS IS SO SWEET • Half of the truth is out! Congrats!! • He took that really well, but,,, oh my,,,,, the classic 'staring in horror at your loved one's scars',,,,,,, I have Emotions

Ep 14 • "Pacification of various creatures" fuck • Tbh I forgot abt this guy but he has extreme Long Term Shadowy Big Bad vibes. I feel dread about him • Yes Jamie hacker

Ep 15 • Ace mood. Pls no more details • Oh fuck did past-Jared kill Jamie's friend • I feel like my observations are highly influenced by the fact that I'm listening to this after a year long tma obsession which made me very suspicious of anything that even resembles something nice for the main character. My brain just automatically prepares for the path of deepest tragedy. Anyways I'm still convinced that Jared's past holds some pretty terrible stuff that he'll be horrified by if/when he finds out about it, including but not limited to his involvement in Jamie's friend's death. This is due to both how the blue lady said he changed so much since they last met (which ig could be referring to lots considering the whole "human shell" thing but STILL) and my "we can't have nice things" mentality • (My tone in the previous point was far too stuffy, imagine me saying all that very emotionally and distressedly like the conspiracy theorist I am) • But other than the looming dread, I'm so happy abt jared and Jamie's friendship!! Going from him thinking that he couldn't call her bc they never really talk to inviting her over to his house. Progress!!!!

• I’m completely hooked on this podcast now. Jared sounds like a Friend and I care him so much. I need him and Darius to be okay but at the same time I eagerly await the spooky horror stuff that’s bound to come next

• YIKES after the ep 11 revelation I’m so excited for the next episode,,,,, that feeling of excitement and dread and anticipation and agggghhhhh

• that rec list that said ‘here’s podcasts to fill the tma shaped hole in your heart’ wasn’t lying,,, I daresay this is better than tma. completely different vibes, but more my style (THE PROTAGONIST ACTUALLY HAS FRIENDS!!! GOD I CARE THEM SO MUCH)

• also something I haven’t really mentioned but I’m absolutely LIVING FOR is the sheer amount of queerness....... like, a canon nb protagonist??? with other nb friends???? and they actually like. Talk about gender????? (and also the whole not changing name and pronouns makes me so happy bc I also like my given name and don’t wanna change it, obviously for different reasons than jared, but it’s still nice to relate to) God it just gives me so much good happy feels, I don’t think I’ve ever heard a podcast that has so much good rep, and that’s not even starting about all the other queer relationships and how normal it all is. oh, to live in a queer small town full of cryptids.......

(also just to clarify, jared IS still using he/him, right? bc I’ve seen some fanart descriptions using they/them but I don’t remember hearing him say that he was gonna try that. maybe I missed it. I can be quite oblivious. if so, apologies, my brain decided to blank out at the wrong time and I’ll correct this post)

[ghostbustermelanieking]

oddly specific memories i have of listening to tma

in honor of the finale, and because i am a sentimental asshole, i bring you this potentially uninteresting and completely pointless list. i'm gonna miss this show a lot

half my original reasoning for listening to the podcast was to motivate me to walk on the treadmill. this did not work. but i did it the first time, when i was going through the trailers and anglerfish, and i remember the room where my dad keeps the treadmill is really dark and the spooky chanting sort of freaked me out

after the treadmill, i ended up listening to the bulk of the first four episodes on the couch, and halfway through i let my oldest cat, winnie, who always lived outside (i know, i was very against actually keeping her outside) in the house. and she jumped up on the couch with me, which she literally never did. (she was very grumpy and not super affectionate.) i had that cat since i was five, and she passed last june, and i really miss her. quarantine kind of gave us the opportunity to hang out with her a lot, because we were home so much. so i'm glad these memories are kind of intersected in my mind. (below: a pic i have from that day.)

my friend sarah relistened along with me the first time around, which was extraordinarily sweet of her, and also led to some interesting interactions. for example: she forgot when it was revealed that sasha was dead, so she accidentally spoiled that for me when i asked when the others would find sasha (and i spent all of season 2 just like. anxiously vibrating over this fact). she also made this post, when i was still in like early first half of season 1, and my immediate thought was "oh no martin is dead." i hadnt even MET martin at this point

back in early quarantine, my mom had this rule that we had to do something new every day (to keep away the depression... ha ha). anyways, all i wanted to do in my free time was sit around and listen to tma (and also watch this show i was into on netflix), so i came up with some lame excuses, one of which was "i'll give myself a pedicure." this led to the memory i ultimately associate with mag 56 (trevor herbert 2) being me sitting out on our roof balcony thing, giving myself a horrendous pedicure

another time, my family wanted to go play tennis, and they brought me along and brought a hammock for me to lay in. there was this excess material from the hammock, and the sun was in my eyes, so i ended up pulling it up and over me to block the sun and creating this ridiculous hammock cocoon thing. one of the episodes i listened to that day? "tucked in."

before i ever started the show, my friend sarah stayed with me while i was pet sitting. i remember when she got there, she'd just listened to 150 and was telling me how freaky it was (she was still trying to get me into the show), and she was like "of course we're staying on a CUL DE SAC." (that was also the weekend she watched us for the first time and was very upset because i slept through the whole thing, which is scary when you're staying somewhere by yourselves.) anyways, i spent the whole show waiting for the scary cul de sac episode

while i was listening to the show for the first time, my step-dad (an artist) started painting an EYE on the door downstairs near my bathroom. a fucking EYE. he didn't finish it til i had finished the show. but still weird!!

i binged like 12 episodes in one day to finish season 4, which is not impressive at all, but it's still my personal record. i just remember staying up late in my dark bedroom (til like.... 11 i'm lame and i go to bed early), listening to like 158 & 159 & 160 and just being knocked on my ass by how good it all was... i was SUPER spoiled by this point, through my own fault, and i knew exactly what was coming, but actually experiencing it was nuts

the second week i listened live was 167, where the public release was delayed by a couple hours by accident. i spent like 20 minutes refreshing spotify, thinking it was broken, before going on tumblr and seeing what the deal was. (and 167 remains one of my favorites of s5 because i remember just going "thank god it was worth the wait.")

this one car ride where sarah and i made some of our friends listen to the first three episodes of the show. it was the middle of the night and we were just like blasting down i40 listening to anglerfish and do not open etc

the night the what the ghost episode publicly dropped was the night after my graduation, and i was sleeping out on the couch in the living room so my grandfather could sleep in a bed. it was super dark, and i am a jumpy person, and i Remember being mildly disgusted with myself because the corny sound effects were actually freaking me out. (i think i mightve actually seen something weird that night, maybe, but that's another story.)

the weekend my parents moved me into college, we couldn't get the cable in the house we were staying in, and we were all sitting around doing nothing, so i jokingly suggested starting tma with them, and they were like ok grace. my step-dad promptly fell asleep and my mom zoned out -- which is probably good, she doesn't like horror and she's super claustrophobic, so it's probably better we never got to do not open

my brief roommate in college talked about how she was into those youtube channels where people just read scary stories, so of course i was like try tma out. so she listened to the first episode on her own, and we were out one night, and she started mag 02 while i went into an ice cream place. she was into it (she kept being like open it, ya pussy) and wanted to keep listening while we went home, and even back in our room. i had only been in town for a couple weeks, and barely knew my way around, but i also didn't want to turn the gps on and be interrupted every five seconds. so i tried to find our way back on my own. it took the entirety of mag 03, and into mag 04, before i did it. so now i will forever associate across the street with all those wrong turns i took in a dark, semi unfamiliar city, trying to get back to our college without a gps

the day of the early drop for 179 was the day i moved back home from college -- a five hour drive by myself. i ended up listening to it on the final stretch of the trip, when i was super tired and it was dark and i knew it'd probably be a crazy episode. just me full blasting down i40, drinking an energy drink (which i never do) through a hole punched in the top, listening to daisy's death

186 early dropped the day after initial u.s. election day (when we still didn't know anything). my mom had set up a "watch party" in the living room with these giant air mattresses, and we all sort of spent the day crowded around the TV watching the numbers. not much of a memory, but i remember sitting on that air mattress and listening to martin's monologue in the midst of that messy week

i had a virtual therapy appointment on the day of 187's early drop, and my dad was home, so i drove to an empty parking lot to do the session in some privacy. i was trying to listen to the episode before the session started, so i ended up listening to the last half sitting in my car, in the pouring rain, just staring at my radio in shock (187 remains one of my favorite s5 episodes)

my friend sarah had just come home for winter break the day 189 dropped, and we decided to listen together, just like driving around in circles drinking coffee and listening and speculating on whether or not that was really martin

i started my relisten right after thanksgiving and was just kind of blowing through fast as i could through the whole of december. i had to go back to college to empty out my dorm, and i went to the beach after, and i ended up listening to mag 11 while just like walking around in circles in the tide pools. the closer it got to christmas, the more christmassy i wanted to keep things, so i would like. listen in the mornings and turn on one of those Netflix fireplaces and get all cozy

my other friend went with me on a mini bagel road trip in december, and he was still trying to get caught up, so we listened to mag 169, 170, and 171 on the drive home. (by this point, i was accustomed enough to s5 and smiting scenes to automatically reach for the volume controls when jude perry and jared hopworth died.)

when i relistened to mag 47, i was sitting with my cat beezus. i paused the episode to write this big long meta, so i was in a different headspace when i pressed play again. jon immediately yelled for sasha and i immediately jumped, and beezus gave me a searing glare and just got up and left

i relistened to piecemeal while i was cooking, which i thought was kind of funny and also disgusting

after christmas, i got into the habit of bringing my cat georgia into my room in the mornings, and she'd crawl under the covers with me while i listened to tma

one story i've always liked to tell from my first listen is how when i first listened to the meat arm grinder episode, my dad asked me to help him cook hamburgers later that day and explained how hamburgers are ground up (to my disgust). i hit meat grinder in my relisten and um. you'll never fucking guess what i made for lunch that day

so i had all these arbitrary rules for myself when i started tma last april, and i've broken like all of them. i started listening to tma while virtually working -- you just pull it up on your computer and it works. (i got the life scared out of me when one of my coworkers started talking over the podcast, wondering who it was that had walked into jon's office and why he wasn't reacting and why i didn't remember it.) i also started listening a lot while driving, which led to several long meta posts i wrote being typed up in a parking lot somewhere

i spent the entirety of 194 anxious-cuddling georgia. (i tried to do this for 198 and then didn't have any anxiety to cuddle her over.) i fully plan on doing this for 200, where i am sure i will need it again

my favorite place to listen to tma probably ended up being the roof room at my mom's, and unless something goes awry, this is where i will listen to the finale. (with georgia, of course.)

this list is super uninteresting, like i said, but here it is. i'm gonna miss this show a lot. i can't wait to return to it, later in life, and make all new listening memories in the process

[notesofarichlycolorednight]

eyooo!! i listened to firesorrow girl [TUMBLR | SOUNDCLOUD] by @gerrydelano and HAD A MIGHTY NEED (to also analyze this)

disclaimer: I have only listened to TMA through one (1), read it ONE time, so if you read something that seems wrong it probably is because my memory is not The Best (the seasons are 40 eps long and 30 mins each, Jonny why) and I’m probably straight-up not remembering or misremembering some aspect or detail about a character/a relationship/a part of their narrative

(and before you say it, i absolutely CANNOT just go relisten to an ep out of order. my nd brain Will Not Let Me until i have listened thru all 4 seasons, In Order, several times)

ALSO: i speak very definitively here, but it doesn’t mean i’m right abt my analysis

italics and bold are lyrics, normal is analysis. if there’s a way i can make this more accessible, lmk!

analysis under cut

little girl tries sleeping in the fireplace at home no one banished her inside it, she just lay down on her own she stares up into the darkness of the chimney and she hopes that someday she may go up in smoke this makes me think abt hilltop road first and foremost (but i have a feeling i’m missing something aljlkdjf) this is also the first hint to agnes’s wavering thoughts abt her being “the chosen one” for the lightless flame she’s already wishing she could burn, or in other words be normal

oh, the ends of her hair curl into embers in the wood beneath her head like a pillow, splintered shoulders in the soot flickers turn to flame and moves in kisses up her arms it loves her, so refuses her a scar i really like the imagery here bc, aside from the splinters, it evokes a softness embers are pretty, pillows are soft, “moves in kisses up her arms” really evokes a gentle intimacy, even before the line “it loves her” but then the last line really solidifies agnes’s relationship with fire--she wishes it would burn her but it loves her too much to do that, so she doesn’t

she doesn't burn oh, she learns again, reinforcing the motif agnes’s relationship with fire--the layers of 1) her not wanting this but 2) the first doesn’t care and loves her anyway i also see it as foreshadowing, or at least leading up to what she learns (put a pin in this)

pretty girl sits quiet in the coffee shop alone staring empty out the window like she used to do at home she feels his eyes fall down upon her from the counter, like a doe the ache of yearning blisters in her bones jack barnabas! hilltop road the use of doe, evokes the visual of “wide eyes,” which, in turn, evokes naivety--jack doesn’t know who agnes is, what she is, or that she could hurt him, even if she didn’t want to love, love, LOVE the fire motif here and used throughout the song--using fire metaphors bc it’s so fitting (put a pin in this)

he follows her up to the hill where water never works to send him down she broke his crown and blessed him with a curse her only kiss a smear of kerosene, a desperation unrehearsed and love made sure to let her know it hurts (love made sure it hurt) this only hit me like after the 5th time listening in a row, but LISTEN, “jack and jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water.” i think it could also mean hilltop road, but i do think the stronger theme lies in that nursery rhyme. his name is jack and then to solidify that, “to send him down she broke his crown” vs. “jack fell down and broke his crown” i really love the contradiction of “blessed him with a curse” *ben from parks and rec voice* it’s about the layers. so listen, love is often seen as a blessing. but coming from agnes it’s a curse bc she burns anyone she touches. this is also in reference to her momentarily transferring her curse (the love from the lightless flame/fire) to him through her kiss “smear of kerosene”--another way of using a metaphor that evokes images of fire, and I LOVE IT “a desperation unrehearsed” MORE LAYERS YO. she knows what her touch will do to him but she’s so desperate to feel normal for even a second, she kisses him anyway “and love made sure to let her know it hurts”--going back to her curse, the love from fire/flame, and the destruction is causes bc of this. it could also be representative of how love can be very destructive. ppl often describe “the fires of passion” or passion as being like fire/hot *eyes emoji* i think the addition of “love made sure it hurt” could also communicate how the fire’s love for agnes is possessive--she cannot be normal or human or have any other relationship except with the lightless flame

he burns oh, she learns a parallel to “she doesn’t burn”--the striking difference between her and jack (the lightless flame and the rest of the world) what she learns here, tho, is also a parallel between what she learns at the beginning of the song there she is learning abt herself, here is is learning about everyone else

learns that breathing screamsmoke blackens hearts as much as lungs a heart motif, representative of love another fire-related metaphor that breathing in smoke doesn’t just fill your lungs with soot, but also covers the heart (love) in soot, as well a toxic love, as soot is bad for lungs and hearts it can’t be coughed back out and she can’t glisten like the sun using fire-related metaphors--the soot in her lungs and on her heart cannot be “cleaned” or cleared from her body with the body’s natural reaction to something obstructing breathing, which is coughing listen, i’ve said this before AND YOU’LL HEAR IT AGAIN: i really love “she can’t glisten like the sun” bc the whole point of fire, as the lightless flame sees it, is what the fear is named for: desolation. BUT fire is ultimately a neutral thing. if you respect and carefully control it, it can give warmth and life--like the sun (tho you can’t control the sun lmao). so there are positive aspects to. but not for agnes, given her upbringing and literally how she was conceived there’s no one left to save with love and no one she can touch affection is the pyre built on wildfire in the brush reinforcing her being unable to connect with normal humans bc of who she is ALSO i’m pretty sure this is referencing the bonfire she was born in--the ritual that made her the lightless flame’s messiah also, also, the use of the word “affection” uses the theme that fire itself love agnes, in it’s own, twisted way

her hands were only ever made to press through burning flesh and boiling tears won’t put it out but scald it like the rest referencing her birth again--that she was made to be this messiah for the lightless flame, for their ritual to remake the world through the lens of the desolation also more fire-related metaphors that i am IN LOVE with ugh, and, okay “boiling tears” communicates what agnes is feeling again--that she Does Not want to be their messiah, she just wants to be normal. she doesn’t want what the fire has given her but even her tears burn bc that’s what she is, what she was made for and the love of waxen women makes no difference in the end if never she can make and keep a simple human friend reference to jude, specifically, but other members of the lightless flame, as well. from what i remember, they all loved her but in the way that the fire loves her: possessive and toxic (like soot in the lungs) and then the reinforcement that she’s not human and cannot have the connection with humans she desperately craves, even if it’s just a tiny sliver

she can’t burn oh, she’s learned YO the difference between “she doesn’t burn” and “she can’t burn”--there’s a passiveness to it in the first line, but it’s more active in the second. here me out: as i said before, the “learn” lines communicate the inner thoughts of what agnes is thinking, the revelations she makes as he grows and lives. so “she doesn’t burn” communicates her learning and get used to the fact that fire doesn’t hurt her. versus “she can’t burn” communicates her knowing and accepting that the fire doesn’t hurt her, but she can hurt others with that very same fire. lowkey it’s so hard to articulate this difference, but this is the best my brain came up, hope it makes sense

YOOOO GIVE ME A MOMENT THIS NEXT PART IS MY FAVORITE PART

firesorrow girl says, “hang me up; i’d like to go” (i would like to go) referencing her death--her realizing that bc she’s fallen in love with jack, she can no longer lead the ritual for the lightless flame. but bro, listen, the addition  of “i would like to go” is a direct line to what agnes is thinking and feeling. more than not being able to lead the ritual, she doesn’t want to live like this anymore; doesn’t want to live her life unable to make connections with humans this isn’t quite a chimney she can column up to choke (i choose now to choke) a throwback to the first lines about her lying down in the fireplace and looking up through the chimney ALSO has a double meaning here, reinforced by what agnes is thinking: you can choke on smoke. her death involves literal choking the “i choose now to choke” again is a direct line to what agnes is thinking/feeling BUT ALSO a decision she finally gets to make autonomously the weighted hand upon her waist is chained there like a ghost, (always been a ghost) i know you’re probably tired of hearing but i ain’t gonna stop saying it. I REALLY LOVE THIS LINE. the lyrics say one thing, agnes’s internal thoughts say another bc raymond fielding is a ghost. not just like a ghost. he is one to her. i believe it was distortion helen who said that there was a scar on hilltop road. and we find out later that it’s bc hilltop road belonged to the web and even tho agnes burnt the house down, the web still left a mark on her. part of that mark is fielding, who i assume, was an avatar for the web. and it’s quite literal, as agnes never got rid of his hand he literally is a ghost haunting her bc of this but the rope she wears is woven cold with hope (yearning to be cold) THIS LINE BRO,,, i’m gonna say it I FUCKING LOVE IT. of course, referencing the rope she uses to hang herself BUT LISTEN “woven cold with hope” YOOOO THIS IS TAKING THE FIRE LOVES HER THEME AND TURNING IT ON ITS HEAD COMPLETELY she has been burning with fire this entire song, her body a raging inferno, contained in a body that appears human but hurts anything she touches. BUT AT THE END OF THE SONG WE GET THE COLD fire is often associated with warmth is often associated with hope, right?? but this time bc of the circumstances and what fire means to agnes and the lightless flame, being cold, not burning everyone she touches horribly, is her hope ”yearning to be cold” strengthens that message coldness is also associated with death, and here it’s quite literal but it’s also important to note that it’s also still agnes’s hope. so it’s still a very positive thing, even tho it’s associated with very negative things. bro,,, i gotta go lie down

those who can remember sing her name out like a prayer (i am not your prayer) the lightless flame, of course, bc they are a cult. don’t @ me, i’m right BUT “i am not your prayer”: again, a direct line into agnes’s thoughts. she never wanted, nor asked to be their messiah. she was thrust into the position against her will as she was literally borne in flames. from birth she had this shouldered on her. and she doesn’t want it, even in death the music to it hollow of the truth in her despair (hollow with despair) goes along with the “prayer” for her above: the lightless flame sing and mourn her but they’re not mourning her, not agnes, they’re mourning their messiah, the one who was going to lead them through a ritual that would remake the world. their words ring hollow bc of this. and it hurts even more with “in her despair” bc even in agnes’s despair at not being able to connect with a human, as well as not being able to lead the lightless flame like they wanted her too, they’re only mourning the idea of agnes they’ve created in their minds, not who agnes really was in wickerwind the crackleburn of candles cries for fate (i rewrite my fate) and firesorrow girl may someday be chosen again (firechosen girl, again) i LOVE the use of “wickerwind” and “crackleburn.” no analysis i just love the way they sound okay but the “cries for fate.” i think this has a lot of meanings. one is the fire crying out either about agne’s ultimate fate (having to kill herself or die, anyway) and/or crying out for another to fill her position (putting agnes’s fate onto someone else’s shoulders). another is the lightless flame also crying out for the same reasons. and the third is agnes, herself, crying out about her unfair fate. i think that last one is strengthened by “i rewrite my fate.” a common but powerful theme in many stories of a character defying fate bc it’s unacceptable to them. it’s also wholly contradictory to what the lightless flame wanted and then, of course, the second line strengthens the idea that they’re already looking for another messiah for their ritual

and so the wheel turns ‘round and ‘round

final note abt the music that is probably wrong bc i’m not musically inclined BUT i have been listing to sideways on youtube, who is very musically inclined. and that makes me an expert right? /s anyway, what i wanted to note abt this musical structure is that the beats aren’t the usual 4/4 that most popular songs use these days.

and what that means is that you get gratification ever 4 beats. (sideways describes it way better than i ever could here) this song doesn’t follow that structure (i think lakjlkdjf again, i’m not musically inclined at all) and i think it really adds to the theme of how agnes feels: trapped with this fire burning inside her until she finally chooses freedom (tho i know it’s more complicated than that in-verse).

now whether was was purposeful or not, i have no idea. but still a cool detail i, personally, noticed.

--

again hope it was semi-coherent. as with my other analysis, i just listened to the song and wrote what i was thinking, stream of consciousness

bloodwater ballad analysis | bonus meme i made for these analyses bc it’s funny and i wanted to share

[ashes-in-a-jar]

Tma relisten Episodes 16-20

Things are picking up! Martin is gone, we meet some Flesh statements with all of their disgusting glory, finally find a skeptic (pretending more like) Jon in Vittery's case and then the story of father Edwin...

A warning, the last two episodes here are a confusing mess of thoughts that I have no energy to orginized so you're welcome to read but beware to remain confused. And add your feedback if you want. I'd love to understand what the hell father Edwin was going through.

16 Arachnophobia

Things are picking up. Oh boy vittery is here!

His description of his fear of spiders kind of reminds me of my experience as an emetophobic. I can read about it, watch it on camera (cringing but still can) but near me? Nope.

Major Tom! Love the pet naming system Jonny came up with.

"Our building had acquired something of an infestation of some sort of insect I didn’t recognise - small, silvery worms, almost like maggots, but slightly longer -" uh oh Jon. Jane is already there. I stand by my theory that the web set up vittery's case where Jane was because they wanted the institute to eventually come in contact with her. Specifically the Archivist. Another way the Web helped mark Jon to help bring the apocalypse.

Pfft his whole interaction with major Tom in this story is sending. "go get that spider" Major Tom "no I don't think I will" and saunters off never to be seen again.

Why are his descriptions of spiders so graphic my god. He likes to dwell on his phobia way too much for his own well-being.

Nice aim with the coffee mug. Especially while panicking.

Don't you just hate that you get used to your phobia because a worse version of it comes up? He managed to kill little spiders no problem from then on and I just... Feel for him so much.

"Can you be haunted by the ghost of a spider that destroyed your childhood?" oh. That one must have hit Jon hard right where it hurt.

"I officially gave Major Tom’s paperwork to the family on the ground floor he decided to move in with" lol cat live be that simple.

Commenting on Jon's hard denial specifically of this case and even thought there is so much obvious evidence supporting the supernatural. Just alot of suppressing fear on Jon's part. I feel so bad for him.

"But as I told Martin earlier, he was there for over a week, so there is very likely a perfectly natural explanation for the fact that his body was completely encased in web" sure. Told Martin. Betting it was a full blown argument from which Martin stormed off to prove him wrong. Jon please get your act together.

17 the boneturners tale

Ah Jared my man making his appearance. The bully next door who picks up and becomes a victim (in a way) of a Lietner instead of the statement giver. Where have I heard that one before...

Michael crew checked out the bone book huh. Saw the Flesh and was like mmm nope not this one either.

Archivist interrupted! We don't get much of these later on, when statements become way more compelling and can't be stopped in the middle.

Ewww and the first other institute staff we get is Elias. The sound mixing is really weird he sounds so strange lol. He hasn't polished his 'I'm an even more posh version of Jon' voice yet.

He takes live statements when Rosie's equipment doesn't work? So basically all of the supernatural ones that want to talk and not write. Those are always more special than the ones written. The statement giver felt the need to talk to someone not just write impersonally.

Elias asks about Martin. Once again fuck you Jonah.

Also Martin is missing the story is picking up! I saw at the end that he was in charge of follow up for this, a library statement. Was probably fun for him seeing he's an ex library worker.

"Blessed relief" no Martin he doesn't really mean that.

Jared experimenting on everything including small animals and his own family is all sorts of bad.

"All I remember clearly is the line “and from his rib a flute to play that merry tune of marrow took”." he took a rib and used it to whistle. Jared took Jon's rib and in 171 he whistles. Hmmmmm

So either reading the book did end up killing the guy or Jared eventually caught up with him. Either way poor soul.

18 the man upstairs

Not alot to say about this one except I oddly really like it, my first listen and now. Something about how gross it was really fascinated me. And boy it's super gross.

The meat creature in the end has eyes! Is it eye aligned in a way? Interesting...

Was this an attempted mini ritual of a sort to bring a meat creature into the world? Did it work? Perhaps that creature housed whet used to be Toby Carlisle who left his original body to become this thing.

Btw Archivist has lunches confirmed!

19+20 confession + desecrated host

The only double statement we have ever. A very unusual thing but also Jon explains it that the second half was misfiled nearby and perhaps was taken out and put back haphazardly. By who? Gertrude looking up. Rituals? Jonah looking up multiple entity rituals? Very ominous.

I feel so bad for father Edwin he really didn't deserve what happened to him.

I'll be honest i wasn't really listening to this one the first time. I was busy doing something else and always tended to half listen to exorcism horror. This is facinating to me as if I'm first hearing it.

Its interesting how Jon records his inability to utter words of belief. Also was this an interview? If so, where is the recording. He couldn't have written like how Jon was stuttering at those words. I need a clarifying answer about these and why Jon needed to record an audio of it when clearly there should be a recording of an old live statement.

It wasn't about God the fact that he couldn't say it anymore. It was about his comfort and denying it.

I think the first thing that marked him was the Slaughter. But now listening to it, it seems like what possessed Bethany moved into his mind because it want to suck out and replace faith and father Edwin had much more of it. How does one replace faith? Introducing the faithful to all the fears. It didn't really work tho since he stubbornly remained faithful.

This nurse Annie figure sent him in the direction of both Bethany and Hilltop Road which makes me very suspicious of her.

“I am not for you. I am marked.” oooh first time hearing those words. Perhaps the entity or what wanted to bring them about refusing to give him to the Desolation?

“Behold, thou hast driven me out this day from the face of the earth; and from thy face shall I be hid; and I shall be a fugitive and a vagabond in the earth; and it shall come to pass, that every one that findeth me shall slay me.” the entities talking? Or warning father Edwin of his fate? Still sound alot like the Slaughter.

So when he leaves to walk the streets to the place he performs the religious service after being told all of his sins by something pretending to be father Singh, I count the Distortion, the Lonely, Stranger, Corruption? And flesh.

This one is still confusing as hell, I was surprised by breekon and hope's appearance in the end, having been the ones who delivered the stole.

Maybe the entities were trying to collaborate to create a religion of their own? Trying not to enter the world separately as a whole being but living in it as worshipped gods?

Whatever they were they decided to exclude the Desolation and the web from the project since they definitely didn't like Hilltop Road.

[lighthausen]

tma 191 liveblog below cut feat. lots of pauses and daydreaming about a sitcom starring martin and melanie

omg are they waking up? aw is that martin waking up?

Aw did he have a bad dream?

Oh shit sleeping with his eyes open 

Not really sleep? Oh his he actually disconnected from everything? I guess he’s sort of in the eye’s range. I hope so 

edge of sleep that sucks tho

“god forbid the creepy ever stops entirely” “thank you” lmao

No dreams at Salesa’s aw

Recognizing Celia! Oh! Martin does know her but he can’t quite remember it!

Oh no, he can’t remember it down here. Oh no he’s not gonna remember when he comes out

Ask if she remembers

“and you are” “nope”

Ummmmmmmmmmm

“is that so” wowwww

Names are how they see you? Oh. 

The labels that cut you ooof. 

Who doesn’t like fae logic

oh thanks for apologizing Jon that’s nice.

Georgie and Melanie are out

cool black beans.

No statement? 

Getting Jon food :)

ARUN AND MARTIN INTERACT

I’m glad Martin’s nice about Arun...

Oh, he also walked through it, sharing their power.

“Yes, you are...” oooohhh

“i don’t know what I see when I look at you”

LMao martin, “rude”

“i’m a poet! i speak the truth” AFDJLKSDAFJ

THis is GREAT

*sadly kicks away the arun having a crush on martin fanfic i wasn’t ever actually going to write* 

Arun’s right tho, they are mysterious

------------------------------------

and , okay okay, pausing

Does Arun see something different because they saved him or is there actually something different there?

Melanie and Georgie are unharmed by the whole world. Jon is only harmed by things in a dream logic manner. But Martin... he almost got trapped in a lonely domain. 

So. He’s different.

I get Georgie, no fear, can’t get caught. But why Melanie?

And JOn said he couldn’t quite see them at the beginning of the season right? They’re described as a blind spot? Why??? 

Is it because Melanie removed her eyes? Shit, is this gonna be like... birdbox or something?

Unless Georgie’s just been protecting Melanie. Does Melanie have a domain?

Okay okay here are the facts as I see them: The Eye is fond of Martin, gave him his own domain. Jon is able to See Martin. 

He is unable to See Melanie and Georgie. They go out often so it’s unlikely it’s just because they’re in a blind spot all the time. They must be a blind spot. 

Georgie is probably unable to be seen because her fear was removed. 

Melanie is either like Martin (eye is fond of her) she has her own domain... or... Georgie could be looking out for her. Or both. But why wouldn’t Jon be able to see her?????? Is it because she severed her connection with the institute? 

And, are they actually immune? Did Martin only get pulled into the lonely because of dream logic but he’s usually safe? Jon’s described as the only one who can walk, so I assume other avatars can’t travel either???

FUck! Fuck,, i don’t know time to play again.

-----------------------------

They’ve been gone a while

Locals getting restless? Oh no, they don’t like them :(

Fuzziness comes and goes? 

HE WON’T FORGET EVERYTHING?? i hope not

the simultaneous “i don’t remember”

Are they gonna help? Help with what. saving the world

a bit too much pressure lol

Makes sense if they don’t help bc if it fails...

Layouts different?

Oh? Things wandering about? 

What? 

ARCHIVISTS???????????????????????????

?

wait rewind lemme look at the episode

ok Mag53

Ohhhh ohh okay so my takeaways from reading the wiki are 1. there are multiple archives. or other past archives anyway. and 2. Eye monsters. spoooky. 

alright time to play again

oohhohnoh not the first archivist

some lingered?

the panopticon calling? Oh shit 

we’re gonna meet more beholding avatars!!

Oh, wait what about the travelling thing? I guess they can travel then, huh. *shrugs*

If- when we defeat the eye :’0

WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU

OHH NOOOOOO

we’re having this conversation D:

maybe he’ll survive? best case scenario

auuuuuuuuuuuuuughhhh auhghh 

If they find a way to destroy them 

i’M NOT GOING TO BE OKAY

SURVIVE BUT LOSE SOMeTHING

LEFT OF YOU WIHTOUT IT

DIE

AHHHHHHhh

STOOOP STOP STOP STOP

DON’T TALK ABOUT IIIIIIIIIIIT

*crossing fingers and holding out hope for a combo of ending 1 and 7* fuck fuck fuck fuck

i keep having to fucking pause

“martin when the time comes i need you to promise me you won’t try to stop me” oh god oh god D’:

“I promise. I love you Jon.” “I love you too”

*crosses off an I love you exchange off the bingo card* fuck, that’s a bit early hope it happens again

“But i’m not going to doom the world over it” ahfhhf,

that’s not what you said to that manifestation of yourself in your own domain, Martin.....

oh no

Bad end number 320235: Martin selfishly dooms the world to save Jon

fuck i hate that nooooooooo

:(

oh i shouldn’t of paused there lol

promise me you’ll do everything in your power to live oh my god,, </3

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa “i promise”

fuck “I promise” exchange

i hate these conversations, me too,

talk about the weather, aww,ww,w

i couldn’t understand that last line i’ll have to relisten

Georgie and Melanie time!

GOING TO SEE HIM LIKE THAT?

WHO?

WHAT

WHat

Really sets the mood

Mood for private contemplation??

Who? WHo’s HEE?

Oh it’s the Admiral

ohhhhhhhh okay

Pull him out like the others?

awww

Dream of a giant muderous tunnel cat

“HON” 

OH MY GOD

“’HON”

CANON PET NAME CANON PET NAME CANON PET NAME

uh oh... getting involved will only make things worst.............

I just don’t like him lmfaoooo

rought ime of it

HONEY? HONEY?????????????? AAAAA :D

you’re actually quite similar lol

hate consistantly

----

pausing again to dream about an au where martin and melanie are roomates in a sitcom and martin is pining over jon and melanie fucking hates jon and she’s like “you have such shit taste in men,” 

Meanwhile, Melanie has a crush on this podcaster and Martin makes fun of her constantly for it until my gosh, they meet! In real life! And hit it off!

And they work together for a bit and become close friends. And then one time Melanie works up the courage to ask Georgie for coffee. Georgie is ecstatic but she desperately needs moral support so her friend and ex Jon goes with her. And Melanie needs moral support so Martin goes with her. And they show up, and due to sitcom shenanigans Martin and Melanie think that Jon and Georgie are a couple, while Jon and Georgie think Martin and Melanie are a couple and everyone is extremely upset about it. Maybe they try and make each other jealous.

Then everything clears up and they all laugh about it. But will they find out about each other’s real feelings? Find out in the next episode!

---------------

okay okay okay back to the episode lmfao

What can they do for them? OKay can’t find a way 

Things down near the stairs?????? THe what??

Doing it again??? Doing what? 

Overcompensating, ahhh!

Not even if it was just the two of us aww

Oh, Melanie, even a small change aww

YOU CAN GET BACK TO THE PODCAST DFLJSDFJL

nightmare zone of shitty ad reads

RECORDING ONE WHILE RECORDING ONE

plot twist, georgie caused the apocalypse with that script

ARUN’S LATEST HYMM

bully arun time

jon and martin unsupervised lol

i want my cat back aww

well that’s it. The magus archives is a podcast. 

[lycanlovingvampyre]

MAG 123 Relisten

Activity on my first listen: putting up a new fence (moved again to a different part of the property... I've been patching that fence for years and I got so much done during TMA!)

Web Development, ha! (I know, I know, I'm easily amused...)

JON: (salty) "Coma, great! Let’s rearrange his office. Sleeping people don’t need – pens." [HE STEPS IN SOMETHING WITH A SQUELCH!] JON: "Euagh! What –" Up until this point Jon (and first-listeners) doesn't know what happened yet. Seems like there is still some residue from the Flesh attack, hehe. That’s also the reason they *had* to throw Jon's cloths out. Interesting, that the jar of ashes survived. I'd guess Martin still was there for the clean-up? My headcanon is, he was the one who wanted to go through Jon's office, trying to salvage things and managed to sufficiently clean up the jar to keep it. It gave Jon some closure and feeling of safety back then, I'd totally understand, if Martin wanted to preserve that.

MELANIE: "Tim is dead. Daisy is dead, and you – what, you’re just fine?" JON: "What – no! I’ve been in hospital for six months!" MELANIE: "Something has been in hospital. Something that’s got your face" Even though Melanie and Basira weren't too affected by the Not!Them (Basira almost not at all, she never met the real Sasha), that trauma still sits so deep with all of them. They know the Fears are not benevolent, and one of those things got Jon to wake up. (Also yeah, Slaughter bullet)

MELANIE: "I warned Basira; I said not to let you back in here, but she just" (increasingly angry; starts slamming [the wall]) "doesn’t! listen!" Lydia really nails the rage here. How the voice begins to break.

MELANIE: "Oh! Okay, so it’s what, hi Jon, how are you, get anyone killed lately?" JON: (dumbstruck) "I – I –" MELANIE: "Wipe that look off of your face. Like you’re not the reason all of this is happening! (she takes a breath) Like you’re any better than – than him!" This is hurtful on so many levels. And Jon and Melanie let us know what an impact this had on Jon (Jon being speechless and Melanie making a comment on the look on his face). Jon hasn't been the friendliest of people, but since MAG 22 he’s been on a steady path to change. All of his actions have been either hypervigilance from being traumatized as a kid (which is a defense mechanism. Learn all about everything, you'll hopefully be a step ahead and things can't hurt you - in S2 this really ended in bad actions. Like I understand why he's been paranoid, but the others also don't have to tolerate this from him) or (and this has been all of S3) trying to keep others safe, including Melanie. He just didn’t know how to do it. Mr. Spider taught him if other people get involved, they’ll get hurt. And then Elias, comparing Jon to Elias. As if Elias hasn't hurt Jon enough as well, even if it wasn't that obvious, especially not for the others. Elias' grooming Jon into things he never wanted is just so disgusting to me.

MELANIE: "No! You don’t, do you? He’s still alive. You are still alive. So this place is still –" See above. (The worst of this: She's kind of right! If Jon dies, they'll go free.)

JON: "Okay." [HE TAKES A LONG, SHAKY BREATH.] JON: "I’m sorry." T_T (Yeah, if it wasn't clear from the first two episodes of S4, this is going to be one huge punch to the gut after the other.)

BASIRA: "Alright. Best I can understand it, Beholding, or the Eye, or… whatever you wanna call it, we’re one of the only powers that hasn’t taken a shot at a ritual. Yet. And everything out there knows it." JON: "No – I mean, we can’t be the only ones, surely." Funny thing, this about the Eye haven’t taken a shot at a ritual yet stayed very strongly with me the first time around. So much, that I ignored all the clues that Elias is trying to do exactly this (Gerry in MAG 111 about the Watcher's Crown, Basira later to Elias in prison about him kicking off his little ritual from a jail cell). I bunched the Eye up with the End and the Web (because they also don’t have a ritual as we'll later learn) even though my sister already went "No no, the Eye has the Watcher's Crown" and then I went full Surprised Pikachu Face when things finally happened.

BASIRA: "Yeah, it was bad. We took them all out. Melanie did most of them. She was… she got a knife from somewhere and –" JON: (overlapping) "Basira I-I don’t know if that’s a good sign?" BASIRA: "She saved my life, Jon. She saved all of us. I won’t forget that." Oh, the hypocrisy of this. But we know, that Basira's heavily playing favorites in this season. Jon being back is not a good sign, but when Jon points out Melanie's unending rage and superhuman knife strength, it's okay because sHe SaVeD BaSiRa's LiFe? As if Jon wasn't part of the saving-the-world-from-the-Unknowing-crew, does that not count? (Speaking from a point of their knowledge at this time, of course.)

BASIRA: "Don’t be too hard on him, Jon. Your, uh, situation. It hit him. Hard." JON: (sighs) "Yes. Well, I’m sure there are better ways to deal with it than getting – cozy with Elias’s successor." Jealous? :)

BASIRA: (sighs) "Rumor is a couple of researchers up on the third floor decided to ignore some of his new directives, and… whoosh." I think it'd be really funny to see TMA from the eyes of someone not working in the Archives (or Rosie). Like all those people who have no idea what this place is. And how would they explain this event though. Two researchers suddenly disappearing...

JON: "Oh." [HE LAUGHS, BUT IT, TOO, IS HUMORLESS.] JON: "The more things change… So, we’re under siege, Melanie is aggressively unstable, Martin is working very closely with – The Lonely, who is predictably enough isolating him, and, oh, yes, uh, Tim and Daisy are still dead. (laughing) Which is at least easy to keep track of." There goes his sanity...

"As he told it, she was young, rail-thin underneath an oversized brown hoodie, which she kept pulled up, trying to cover up a network of pale stitches that stretched over one side of her head." Ha, totally forgot Annabelle was already in this. From what we heard about her from MAG 69, I don't know if this was even very obvious to spot when first listening? At that point, all we would know was that she got her head bashed in and dressed in vintage clothes? Oh and spiders of course...

"She just mumbled something about custom requirements and told Greg to drink his latte, which he did, so he tells me, though he can’t stand milk in his coffee." So subtle!

Chelicerae is btw what the "mandibles" or "fangs" of arachnids are actually called.

"According to those who followed such things, all you had to do was start a new thread as a Guest, something Greg had been instructed to make sure was possible, and the title of that thread should be the name of someone you want dead." A digital death note, gotcha! xD Okay, jokes aside, I love this and MAG 65, those internet creepy pastas! 

"He rarely goes out anymore, and, judging by the cobwebs, he definitely doesn’t clean his house like he used to." There's no such thing as random cobwebs in TMA.

JON: "Another gap. And whoever took it didn’t do any follow-up, just… filed it away. I may be the first person to actually read it, so… (same mirthless cough of a laugh) Sorry, Angie. I suppose." There has already been some speculation about this as part of a mag a day. About the Archivist's dreams, how it works, who end up in there. This "Sorry, Angie", is it meant as an apology for the fact that their statement has been ignored for 2 years? Or is it meant for the possible situation of Angie now ending up in Jon's dreams, since the statement's been given after Gertrude's death and Jon is the first Archivist to read it. This would make Jon's diet even more complicated, having to resort to statements which Gertrude has already consumed in an attempt to not "curse" more people.

JON: "It’s unclear if they were meant to be users or victims, but I cannot help but note that there seem to be the names of several statement givers who found their way to the Institute, including noted arachnophobe Carlos Vittery." The name of the person who set the plot into motion. This should be a very loud clue about the Web pulling its strings all this time!

@a-mag-a-day

[bubonickitten]

TMA fic: Knock-Knock

While relistening to the scenes where Elias implants knowledge into Melanie's and Martin's minds, I got to thinking, "What if he did that to Jon?" and... yeah.

Summary: Statement of an unnamed childhood bully regarding a fatal encounter with Mr. Spider. Statement procured by Elias Bouchard, head of the Magnus Institute, for the edification of one Jonathan Sims, the Archivist.

More below the cut, or on AO3 here.

[Note: A lot of unsettling and visceral spider imagery in this one, so big CW for that if you have any degree of arachnophobia.]

[SPOILERS up to and including MAG 92.]

[There are a few verbatim lines I used from the podcast itself; they're all marked by an asterisk.]

ARCHIVIST

I never chose this.*

  ELIAS

You never wanted this, no. But I’m afraid you absolutely did choose it. In a hundred ways, at a hundred thresholds, you pressed on. You sought knowledge relentlessly, and you always chose to see. Our world is made of choices, Jon, and very rarely do we truly know what any of them mean, but we make them nonetheless.*

 [SILENCE.]

  ELIAS

You seem uncertain, Jon. Do you need convincing? [sighs] Very well. Shall we discuss the very first door you chose to open?

  ARCHIVIST

What are you –

  ELIAS

A Guest for Mr. Spider. A particularly nasty book, wasn’t it? How did you describe it?

  ARCHIVIST

I – how –

  ELIAS

“A violence seemed to ooze from it, sticky and pungent—”*

  ARCHIVIST

Stop it.

  ELIAS

“—I had no idea what was inside, but I knew I hated that book—”*

  ARCHIVIST

You’ve made your point.

  ELIAS

“And I knew that wasn’t going to stop me from opening it.”*

 [A PAUSE.]

  ELIAS

Your… childhood bully, I believe you called him. You don’t remember his name, of course, but you remember what happened to him – or so you think. But you don’t have the whole picture stored away in your memory, do you? No. He died alone, behind the door you ushered him through. You couldn’t face the thing that took him.

  ARCHIVIST

I – I was eight –

  ELIAS

Oh, Jon. We both know that survivor’s guilt is rarely rational. You agonize over hypotheticals, let your vivid imagination run wild with all the gruesome possibilities of what happened after the door closed behind him.

 [A LONG PAUSE.]

  ELIAS

[with a smile in his voice] Do ever wonder what his statement might have been like, had he lived long enough to give it?

  ARCHIVIST

[brusquely] No.

  ELIAS (STATEMENT)

He knows from the moment he cracks open the book that he is pinned beneath the might of something other.

  ARCHIVIST

Don't –

  ELIAS (STATEMENT)

[overriding] Before he drinks in the first page, he is flooded with dread and his only wish is to cast the book into the gutter and run until his legs fail him. Instead, he finds his eyes locked on the words, scanning feverishly left to right without his input, and when he tries to shut his eyes, he finds that he cannot even blink. He has the sudden, unshakable impression that some tacky substance is pulling on his eyelids, holding them in place; his eyes begin to dry and sting and still he stares, riveted—

 [FAINT STATIC.]

  ARCHIVIST

[compellingly] Elias, stop –

  ELIAS

[a short laugh] You need more practice before you can command me, Jon.

Besides, you’re riveted, too, aren’t you? You tell yourself you don’t want to hear this, but you do – there is a guilty part of you that believes you deserve to suffer through this knowledge, but that’s not all, is it? Eclipsing your guilt is the simple desire to know. To observe, to fill all gaps in the testimony.

So sit, and listen, and drink it all in.

 [ANOTHER PAUSE. THE ARCHIVIST TAKES A SHAKY BREATH.]

  ELIAS

[self-satisfied] Good.

  ELIAS (STATEMENT)

He turns the page. He does not want to turn the page, but he is a marionette with gossamer wire wrapped twice, thrice, a dozen times around his wrists and he turns another page, turns another page. Mr. Spider’s legs are shifting and he realizes all at once that so are his own legs, marching him steadily forward – to where, he does not know. He can see nothing except for the book.

He turns another page.

          KNOCK-KNOCK.*

 The words reach out to him like so many spindly, creeping legs.

He turns the page again, again, again and the considering, hungry eyes of Mr. Spider bore into him like botflies burrowing into flesh.

          MR. SPIDER WANTS ANOTHER GUEST FOR DINNER.*

 His knees lock and he comes to an abrupt stop. He does not know where he is; his eyes are still glued to the page.

          IT IS POLITE TO KNOCK.*

 He raises his clenched fist and reaches out.

  ARCHIVIST

[strained] Elias –

  ELIAS (STATEMENT)

[louder] When the door creaks open, something in him releases and he is finally, finally allowed to look up.

He wishes he did not.

 [THE ARCHIVIST’S BREATHING IS AUDIBLE, QUICKENING.]

  ELIAS (STATEMENT)

The spider silk winds its way through the crack and the door, sticky and writhing; slowly and deliberately it twines itself around his arms, his knees, his neck, and he is pulled inexorably toward the impossible, palpable darkness that lies behind the door. Something shifts in the shadows and he catches a glimpse of an enormous, bristly limb. It stretches toward him, curls around him in a possessive, many-jointed embrace. The click-clack of mandibles surrounds him as he is drawn in closer, closer, closer, like a doomed fish on a hook. He is pulled past the threshold, and only then is he finally allowed to scream.

 [A SHARP INTAKE OF BREATH FROM THE ARCHIVIST.]

  ELIAS

Spiders are remarkable creatures, aren’t they, Jon? Those eight skittering legs grant them such agility; all those eyes, watching and waiting; the fragile beauty of the deadly webs they spin. So many millions of years of evolution coming together to weave such a perfect little assassin.

They could be anywhere at any time – and that’s what scares you most, doesn’t it, Jon? Any tickle at the back of your neck, any subtle movement out of the corner of your eye, every tentative reach into the murky space under your bed – your mind jumps immediately to the spider. You enter the dusty storage room and it’s not a question of whether they’re there, but where they are. Did you walk through a web just then, or was it your overactive imagination? You run your fingers through your hair, dreading the moment your fingers brush against the spindly legs of an unwelcome passenger, but dreading even more the idea of not checking, of not knowing whether it’s there.

You tell yourself you can handle reading about spiders, but I see what those statements do to you, Jon. As you read, you feel the faint tiptoe of too many legs on your shoulder, the stubborn cling of web on your cheek, the many eyes watching, waiting in the corners of your office. You picture wicked chelicerae, moving independently of one another, dripping with venom that can paralyze, necrotize, tranquilize. Your skin itches, and crawls, and you shudder, and no amount of restive fidgeting will relieve it.

  ARCHIVIST

That’s enough –

  ELIAS

[speaking over him] You finish the statement and try to pretend that you aren’t gagging on cobwebs. You try not to think about the fact that spiders don’t knock, don’t even announce their presence until they’re crawling down your spine.

Unlike you, Mr. Spider’s sacrificial victim never paid any mind to spiders. But when he saw those legs… oh, the primal, gnawing fear that clawed its way out of his throat like so many needling, skittering legs. You didn’t get to hear it, did you, Jon? The door closed on his terror before you were able to behold the full experience of it.

Feel it now, Jon.

 [A PAINED NOISE; PANICKED, HEAVY BREATHING.]

  ELIAS

There you are. Hear the clicking and snickering of the monster pulling you into the dark. So many legs, certainly more than eight; so many eyes, hundreds of them – you can’t see them, but you can feel them dissecting you. You are lifted into the air and the legs begin to spin you in slow circles and you’re flooded with the image of meat turning on a spit. The spider silk clings to you layer upon layer and you think hysterically of all the times you glimpsed a spider preparing a fly, such a small and mundane thing to witness that you never spared it a second thought.

You do not want to think about how spiders feed, but the human mind is predictable and it supplies you with every scrap of information you ever encountered, filed away as insignificant and promptly – you assumed – forgot. You know with crushing certainty that you will be fully encased in web; you will feel yourself suffocating, but what ultimately kills you – slowly, so very slowly – is the spider’s bite. You feel the double puncture of fangs, the digestive enzymes injected into your body, the leisurely liquefaction of your innards. The creature sucks in the visceral slurry, transforming you into a dehydrated husk.

You are conscious for every moment as it wrings the terror and life out of your fragile young body.

 [THOUGHTFUL PAUSE.]

 Do you know what his final thoughts were, Jon? When the fear burned away into numbness, what was left was anger – dull and desiccated, but anger nonetheless, and all of it reserved for you, Jon. An infuriating, arrogant, know-it-all brat with his nose in a book and so many insolent, prying questions.

It should have been you, he thinks. This fate was intended for you.

 [THE ARCHIVIST TAKES A DEEP, SHUDDERING BREATH, AS IF FIGHTING BACK TEARS.]

  ELIAS

You still can’t remember his name, can you? He became a mystery, and you let it happen, hoarded the memory to yourself and never told a soul. For all your hungry observations, you have remarkably little consideration for the people who cross your path, don’t you? You devour the details that help you complete whatever puzzle you’re working on, and discard the rest as so much superfluous detritus. I would call it egocentric, but you don’t even prioritize yourself, do you? No, it’s all about the knowing. You would sacrifice yourself and anyone unlucky enough to cross your path if it meant satiating your own curiosity.

 [ANOTHER PAUSE, AS IF TO ALLOW THE WORDS TO SINK IN.]

  ELIAS

This isn’t a criticism, Jon. Consider it a performance review. I believe I made the right choice in appointing you as the Archivist. You had the temperament for the role long before you ever joined the Institute. You opened the book, you stood on the threshold, you just as good as opened the door. You would be making the same flavor of choices regardless of whether you became my Archivist. You never could tolerate an unsolved mystery.

If you want to stop the Unknowing, you cannot afford to stand around wringing your hands over what it means to be human. And you won’t allow the Unknowing to happen unopposed. Cling to that conscience as proof of your humanity, if you’d like. 

But more than that, we both know that the Archivist in you can’t leave a question unasked or unanswered. 

 [A HEAVY, SHAKY EXHALE.]

  ELIAS

[businesslike] Now. Do you have any further concerns, Jon?

  [LONG SILENCE, PUNCTUATED BY THE ARCHIVIST'S RAGGED BREATHING.]

  ELIAS

Good. Well, I have work to be getting on with. I’ll send you a Return to Work form, but don’t worry about the doctor’s note.*

 [THE SOUNDS OF PAPERS RUSTLING, A COMPUTER MOUSE CLICKING, AS ELIAS TURNS TO OTHER MATTERS.]

  ELIAS

[gloating] Do take care, Jon.  

 [HARRIED FOOTSTEPS, A DOOR OPENING AND CLOSING. A HEAVY, CHOKED GASP – PERHAPS A SOB – MUTED BY A CLOSED DOOR.]

[shy-magpie]

RQG 151

Moving the patreon names a good idea but changes to structure take up more brain space than they should. I hope they keep the reminder they moved it as a substitute, at least for a while. The rest of the structure is the same and I can feel my shoulders coming away from my ears as the theme plays. I choose to interpret that as Alex saying his players being fine is his highest priority. Borb Under the sea bed🎵. 1)its great when I barely start a thought before a player says the same thing 2) we will get our musical one way or the other 3)I know they're from an improv background but it never ceases to delight how joyfully they support each other's unexpected bits. 4) Alex seems like he gets a kick out of playing up his annoyance at the musical idea more than actually being frustrated it keeps coming up. I thought so but nice to confirm. Bless this cast, it wouldn't have been a huge deal if they let Alex's description stand but its so nice they not only corrected it, they did so without hesitation and Alex seemed to appreciate the help in getting to better phrasing rather than take it as an accusation. Not that I thought he would but feeling grateful for RQ not falling into behavior I see elsewhere. Also hearing everyone chiming in; with Bryn being the one to name check the trope instead of it being on Helen to always take the lead is nice to hear. "he was very encountered" Have I mentioned lately that I love literally everything about this show? Even when he thinks he knows exactly what the party is going to do and certainly knows what he is guiding them towards Alex checks instead of putting anyone in the position of having to derail. Cel! I wonder if cis people get anywhere near my joy in Cel having that kind of control over their body. I mean its just objectively cool even without the gender aspect so I hope they at least enjoy that much. I need cancan art. Did Alex know how delighted Lydia would be with the image of being popped out like a cork before he said it? Coo coo ca chu, thank you Ben Zolf remains 200% done and doesn't bother checking the door Ben don't! 92 HP, well that would be comforting if it wasn't Zolf. Like I don't think it's actually a death wish/that he is suicidal but well, see not checking the door. He is far too comfortable with the idea of being hurt. Alex:Chill sea dude Ben: sounds of objection Lydia: chill environment neutral dude Still love Alex's set design. A person! Bryn sounds alarmed about implications of the walk ways. Cel can shield themselves. Yes Hamid can armor himself! Also casts fly on himself & Azu. Thank you Ben/Zolf. This show does get deep into moral quandaries sometimes but unless these guys are as drugged as the Kobolds they objectively need to die. The dice love us Altruism run Darn it Alex, are you hinting they are drugged against their will? Azu feels tapping their shoulder then killing them is better even if they don't have a prayer of defending themselves. Oh I see Helen has our back and is checking for mind control before we do Kobolds 2: the guilt continues. Well yes they are surprised Bryn sounds so pleased as goes through exactly how many ways the odds are in Hamid's favor. Then he rolls 6,6,5,5 on D6s for 26 damage so no kill like over kill. Watsonian explanation: emotion is at least partially fueling Hamid's magic especially anything fire/desolation aligned, and there is no way he isn't overflowing with emotion after the last few hours. Zolf is happy to let Azu handle the last one and uses his action to ask if Cel knows what (something, the equipment in this room?) does. Cel determines its a notification board for the cell cavern. So these guys were directly aware and involved with the mistreatment of the Kobolds. I officially am dropping the last tiny part of me that cared if they were drugged/otherwise forced into the work. If they were cognisant enough to read that and still did it then its time to find Zolf's old bucket. Glad the table is having fun! I wonder what the face Alex pulled looked like.  Raw terror? The equivalent of a neon sign reading "I'm screwed"? I shouldn't have implied Alex would leave the listeners out, this is a wonderful description. Helen is more thorough than I am. There you go, time to die. Oh episode name drop. That's my Zolf, killing who needs killing doesn't mean we ignore collateral damage. And Cel just invented the departures board. Zolf: not worth destroying? Cel: If you'd enjoy it Priorities Heading towards the shore I like how Alex sounds pleased they broke his dungeon Vital info for visualizing this. Poor Azu is trying to swim while Hamid & Cel are zooming elegantly and Zolf is walking because boots or no he is ungainly. Hamid enjoying flying & Azu being adorable even under the circumstances is endearing. Correction Cel is walking Lockers & propaganda posters I can't put it in words but there is a connection being made between how little these mooks care about messing up shared spaces & the rest of the mundane evil that led to them being bucket worthy. Thank you all for the taking water breathing potions I'm not sure how I feel about Alex giving us stuff for free Oh Dear! Are the mooks heading to the village? Zolf is reassuring Never over the little touches Alex has to make the world feel more real like the water proof flares Oh Cel dear, 1)you don't know that, you don't need mourn your village while they yet may live 2)what kind of trauma have they been through? "Again"? Lydia gets a quick dig in about the party not being allowed to sleep. Cel shifts into a creature who can see. ~Break~ Nevermind just enlarge person Somewhere Babs is begging for a simple answer. I don't think we got a simple answer Hamid is reassuring Cel. Something both relateable and possibly a bad sign that "don't worry they have been spending all their time preparing to kill us, so they can't be attacking your people" is legitimately both the line Hamid took and probably the most effective possible. The others help too. I love how they openly care, reassuring Cel without telling them to repress or that they are wrong to experience the emotions in the first place. Lights and colors flashing in the water. The dice seem to be favoring Bryn today. There's a fight up ahead. They all run to the fight, Cel leaves them in the dust. Hamid flies after Cel since he couldn't catch up on foot The dice do know I promise I will appreciate the set design on relisten,  but for the love of god who is fighting who? Mooks vs who? Humans Yes! Alex hasn't quite gotten there but the cast sound convinced its Barnes & Carter. Ah is Wilde with them? Did Wilde tear his hair out worrying then send back up the second Zolf was overdue? Bleeping Carter Barnes sounds like he is having fun Carter is throwing knives at people. Odd knife & dagger are basically synonyms but not getting Sasha feels 2 vs 8 Ben points out Carter stole Sasha's gimmick Ok warming to Carter will take a minute but I already like Barnes Natural 1 on bomb throwing. Thank you Alex for not being a "death by nat 1 is funny" GM Alex keeps forgetting what a bad bum Cel is. Giblet heavy day Moving quickly past possible misgendering of Cel. Best way to handle that I think, no distracting corrections but Lydia doesn't let it stand. Thank you for being safe Hamid! Hamid protects Barnes. Love the extra extra pew. Finger guns! Alex is 3rd person level stressed Cel gets out the crossbow and punctuates their correction on pronouns. I love this podcast. I really, really, love this podcast and stuff like that shows they love their listeners back. Cel: Pronouns. Are. They. Them Helen: the dice say they/them rights Not sure if dead but 13 damage against one misgendering mook Hamid continues to shoot very well in support rather than endangering himself needlessly. Azu, spotting Carter: You! You? Accidently restarted the episode when I unpaused and now my phone is acting up, and is doing strange things when I try to fast forward to where I was. The annoyance at the above is cancelled out by hearing "Pronouns. Are. They/Them" 4 times Zolf: great seeing you again I love Barnes Alex the fandom appreciates this description Ah Zolf got Barnes into the Campbell books And they attempt to flee badly Carter finally rolls decently but not impressively Cel shoots one in the neck they're still moving Hamid mutters in draconic:  this is for the Kobolds Thank you Bryn Barnes successfully seduced <Azu> Helen I love that the trained mathematician is the one who participates in dice superstition Ben! Huh patreon names still make my brain happy. Wonder if it's something deep about community or I just got pavloved by it being before RQG & TMA for so long

[aflyingcontradiction]

The Magnus Archives Relisten: Episode 147 - Weaver

Melanie (extremely sarcastically): No, I’m sure this is just the normal number of webs that grow up organically.

I love how Melanie's reaction to fear (now that she's no longer Murderrage!Melanie) is apparently BEING REALLY SNARKY.

Daisy: No idea, but Jon said the Web doesn’t get on great with fire, and we don’t exactly have a flamethrower, so – Basira: I mean, at least until we find the one Gertrude stocked up. Right next to the nukes.

I mean. At this point, I wouldn't be surprised! (On a different note: Relistening to this episode while reading the transcript is genuinely very helpful. You're all going to be like 'WHAT?' but I absolutely cannot tell Daisy and Basira apart half the time. I just straight-up thought both of the lines above were said by a single person until I looked at the transcript.)

Of course, that’s not the real crux of the free will question that’s bothering you at the moment, is it? I think that one probably comes down to whether or not you’re choosing to continue reading this statement out loud. (...) But think about it, John; when’s the last time you were able to read a statement quietly to yourself without instinctively hitting record and speaking it aloud? - Statement of Annabelle Cane

Oh, oh no! This is some MASSIVE foreshadowing to the Eyepocalypse, isn't it?

I know the summaries have started to confuse you; where did they come from, when you read a statement fresh? How do you just – know what it’s about, before you even start to read it?

Oh hey, once more TMA successfully integrates the features of the format into the world of the story.

Of course, I learned many of my skills from my mother, who could wield guilt like a rapier and anger like a scalpel. She never simply screamed at you. She was always aware of exactly what kind of fury or disappointment was needed to make sure you regretted ever catching her attention. She had eight children, yet weaved that life around herself in such a way that she always seemed both the victim of it, yet curiously divorced of any responsibility.

God, the way Annabelle describes her dysfunctional family and its members (but particularly her mother) is so VIVID and so REAL!

They arced over and through the loom, and I could see much of her inner forearms and legs were covered in tiny holes, small red pinpricks like insect bites. Looking back, of course, and remembering the crunch of used syringes beneath my feet, I realize that addiction is one of the strongest vectors of control there is.

I think this is the first time TMA explicitly connects the Web and drug addiction but that imagery later returns (to great effect, if you ask me) in one of the Web domains in S5.

I will simply say that – when a spider reaches a certain size, it is often not entirely made up of spider anymore.

This is one of those phrases that sounds like it says so much but if you try and actually explain it, it poofs into nothingness - and I think that's actually GOOD in this case. The vagueness is what makes the horror work. My impression of this episode

I relistened to this episode only out of a sense of completionism, because (aside from 'I guess you had to be there' which set off my second-hand embarrassment to the point I wanted to hide under a blanket and shout "LALALA") this was perhaps the hardest episode for me to listen to. I find it unsettling, yes, but not in the pleasant way I'm looking for when engaging with horror. In-depth discussion of free will breaks my brain in ways that are very unpleasant. I once discussed the topic in detail with someone and ended up in a miserable spiral of high-key suicidality for about a week after so since then I have tried never to delve beneath the surface of this topic. Which is why I didn't quote-and-comment on any of those bits of this episode despite the fact that they are very well-written and definitely not uninteresting. Annabelle Cane is, of course, utterly fascinating. And Jon's revelation at the end is a moment of serious character growth. This is a good episode! I'm not going to listen to the first half of it again, though.

[callmearcturus]

taking a break from TMA to relisten to Broadway Cast Hadestown again and I promise I’m trying to like it more than/as much as the vastly superior Off-Broadway live recording but my god I just cannot get over what they did to the Hades-Persephone relationship. they utterly destroyed “Chant II” when they turned it into the anemic “Chant (Reprise)”

like, to me, if you go all the way back to the original concept album, Orpheus was a pretty great character who had the needed gravity for the role. but in the off-Broadway and the Broadway versions, I just.... don’t buy Orpheus as anything but kind of a fuckboy.

that’s harsh, I know, but I’m of the opinion Eurydice was totally right to leave Orpheus when he didn’t contribute at all! to the household! she was starving and he was off singing, gdi, Orpheus you suck. hell yeah take the Hadestown offer, girl.

and it’s.... better in the Broadway release, but it’s a lot of Telling Not Showing. everyone else in the cast has more presence and power, even/especially Eurydice, while it spends a lot of time telling me “oh orpheus? he can sing and make you believe in a better world.” ... not really, pal.

in the off-Broadway, I don’t mind this weakness because Eurydice, Hades, and Persephone are fucking bringing the triple-A game to the story, holy shit. Hades in particular has the gravity of a black hole, he’s so fucking fantastic that he makes me love him despite the fact he’s an old asshole.

but... they gutted him in the Broadway version. they gutted Persephone too (HOW DARE YOU DELETE HER VERSE FROM “CHANT II” /hisses) and to me it feels like the point was to shift the focus back to Orpheus.

because in the off-Broadway show, “Chant II” is the bombastic barn-burner of the album, and that took focus away from “Wait For Me/Doubt Comes In” which they obviously wanted to be the focus. but I just kind of sigh sadly that to do that, they reduced another amazing moment. maybe because they couldn’t workshop a better way to solve The Orpheus Problem of Hadestown.

bc he’s a fuckboy and that’s hard to write around.