#oh the cafe also had a wall where people could draw little ghosts

[lovelaceisntdead]

Today was a good day I got to look round an old bindery that I was really interested in and the man who worked there was so nice and so encouraging and it made me feel so much better about choosing to pursue a dying craft. And I saw so many lesbians walking around and I went to a little queer cafe (completely by accident) and had my little gay drink and today has just made me feel so much more hopeful. Oh and I looked hot today.

[stupid-stew]

i took notes on the art stream dana did tonight in my own way, yes this is also what my school notes look like so my formal apologies

dana didn’t have many friends or anything in college (self defined recluse)

king is the hardest character to draw due to his specific skull shape

dana loves pokemon and the king resemblance is a coincidence, and she drew everyone to be RIPPED

XENA THE WARRIOR PRINCESS WITH THE ABS LMAOOOO

young entrepreneur out here art queen getting that bag WHY WAS SHE MAKING SHIP ART OF HER CLASSMATES FOR MONEY AT THE AGE OF LIKE 11 IM SOBBING

king ruined the sand castle :(

the mcdonald’s coffe, it sucks apparently

insomnia dana supremacy, felt that

DANA WINS ROUND 1 (against her will)

side note i think i need to start watching more anime, that’s just for me the remember tho

“let’s get weird”- dana terrace 2021

“give us the most uncomfortable furby suggestions please”- also dana terrace 2021

FANFICTION JOURNALS CAN WE GET THOSE PUBLISHED

hard time communicating outside of drawings (one of us 👹)

toh is script driven, sicknasty

her test was turned away SPILL THE TEA

dana proposes to furby suggestion giving chat member

8months struggling for job

turned away from power puff girls boooo

“i called up a friend and we had a drink and i cried :(“ -dana

FURBY WITH HUMAN ANATOMY

YES YES YES MITCHELLS YES YES YES YES YES YES YES

the director had to fight to make the furby scene happen and sir we appreciate it

“androgyny is beautiful”- dana, about a furby

yes girl let jesus take the wheel on that anatomically correct furby

WHY WAS SHE TRYIKG TO TEACH HER FURBY DO CURSE THATS SO FUNNY

“fuck you! fuck you!”- not dana’s furby

$80,000 in debt for this

“shit shit fuck shit”

“as good friends, as disney would say”

dana trying not to lose her job

“AH GOD NO THE FEET THE FEET”

straight black coffee you psycho

DANA LOOSES TO THE CURSED FURBY

HAHAHA TINY NOSE IN THE SIGIL

cannot cook, girlboss, win dana with food

CATBOY SHREK

catchphrase? “AAAAAAAHHH”

scared of spiders

do not wake the cat

“is that a pile of garbage or is that ur self esteem after i fucking demolish you”

-dana terrace 2021

the iconic “byeeeee” was difficult

why can’t she draw shrek

“i need validation please jesus christ”

-dana terrace 2021

someone buy this woman the cat gamer headphones alex hurry up

she does not like the booth but she does it for us thank you queen

dana fainted getting a stick n poke rip

AWWW SHE GOT STEVE BLOOM THATS SO CUTE FOR HER

SHE DISLIKES FANTASY???? BOI WHAT THE HELL BOI

at least she’s having a good time making her own gross little fantasy land, improvise adapt overcome

dana unlocks the idea of things being done in different ways and have them all be good for the masses

“limitation breeds invention”

“wow ur really wise dana”

“….thanks dawg”

“well i didn’t have friends… no one laughed.”

i want the little comics of her pets

cat person dana

DANA WINS CATBOY SHREK

awww little stick and poke on her ankle

does not celebrate her birthday

OOOH THE HAMMERHEAD IS HER FIRST ONE I LOVE THAT ONE

#mood bunny

KERMIT ON STEROIDS

“how can we make this weird” GIRL IT IS KERMIT ON S T E R O I D S

HER LITTLE LAUGH IM SOBBING

this is literally psychological warfare

dana has not watched the muppets but she knows him drinking the tea so winning

DANA THE ANGST QUEEN LMAO

she’s proud about her making dipper and mable fight

DANA ANIMATED FOR NEXT WEEK MARK UR FREAKING CALENDARS

hooty is the owl house canon?

i wish the owl house was like a creature that would have been so funny

CAT APPEARS

season 2 is outline heavy when it comes to the writing

dana knows what she wants for season 2 and we love that

execs up the wall on season 1

DANA LOSES MUSCLE KERMIT

dana has not found the character porn! keep it up girl! stay over there!

oooh bike queen

SWING DANCE OH MY GOD

TAP DANCING

THIS WOMAN IS AN ICON I LOVE HERRRR

yes get that energy out girl

ddr stan, loses to matt braly at gravity falls team bowling hang out

cat is sad :( give her a snack :(

AWW GHOST HAS ASTHMA omg kinnie moment

conspiracy theory enthusiast when intoxicated

vaccination queen

does not believe in ghosts, kill me girl i’ll haunt you don’t worry i’ll prove it

DOG WORKING IN A CAFE

“the ow house get ready to get some boo boo”- this other guy because it made me cry

“you’re gonna have to pay me to write shit because i don’t work for free”

not a music person

DO A FLIP

dana do a flip for charity please i’ll donate like an organ or something

she can canonically do a flip and she’s not gonna show us this is homophobic

AH FUCK MY STREAM CUT OUT

her neighbor is parking yes get it

draw left hand

while holding pen wack

do it in online version of ms paint

“MS pain”- dana not finishing her word

and stick and poke

show us the work stuff dana >:(

an ARTIST

“he’s a strong independent dog”

“4 minutes 20 seconds 😏 h e h e h e”

WHY CANT WE SEE HER HEADBANG THIS IS SO RUDE

not the muscle pulling girl not now

“also dog”

CHAMPION DANA

IMAGINE DANA CALLING UR ART CUTE

H E L P THE FURBYS I CSNOT

ghost gets rejected

“he’s not impressed with ur bullshit”

catra shrek fan girl moment

dana has probably done drugs

“i am a fan of waluigi”

AN ITALIAN POLITICIAN SMACK TALKING THE OWL HOUSE LMAOSJB

note to self dana will only marry you if you look like kermit the frog

also dog comes from a land where dogs eat people at starbucks

LOWES AD

“he’s making out with it! he’s using tongue!”

there are bouncers in cafes where also dog comes from

dana has worked the cash register

someone make real witch merchandise

Q AND A YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES

hooty is he has a very he has more he has a backstory it exists it’s written out but we might not ever get it because it’s just for her dana please i am on my knees

would play dnd if she could

favorite episodes haven’t even aired but currently is echoes of the past or keeping up a fear ances because they’re personal especially a fear ances

TOO LATE FOR EXTENDED SEASON THREE BOARDING HAS STARTED IM GOING TO CRY

SPIN-OFFS SHORTS AND COMICS STILL ALLOWED IM LITERALLY DEAD ON THE INSIDE

mentally she is thriving with the show and it’s going to end well 🙏

“it���s just my voice :(“

BYEEEEEEE

[xiaomoxu]

Xu Mo - Painting Gallery Date (Translation) Part 3 and 4

SPOILER ALERT!!

This date from CN server which hasn't been released on EN server yet. Might contains some spoiler.

Brace yourself for angst moment from Lucien (as usual)☹

I'm doing this translation for personal reason, so I'm sorry if there's some mistranslation. Kindly tell me if you found some :) feel free to read it~ ^^

I used Lucien CN name on it, Xu Mo.

Read previous part here

PART 3

Xu Mo and I went to an oil painting experience hall called "Film Oil Painting Gallery".

The aroma of coffee and milk tea is floating in the air, and the hydrogen and hydrogen echoes in the mellow jazz music. The drawing boards are placed in an orderly manner, and people are immersed in their own small universe.

There are dream catchers and many small creative ornaments on the wall. But what attracts me most is the works painted by people who came here before.

The fluorescent beach under the stars, the idling ballet dancers in the night, and the whales rolling up in the deep sea. Some paintings also have a text written on them.

I scanned these paintings curiously, Xu Mo silently followed behind me, looking at me with a smile.

Suddenly, I stopped in front of a painting.

The paintings show Paris at different times. Sunny, rainy, day, and night. From cafes to the banks of the Seine, famous and unknown streetscapes are covered with painted paper.

In the lower left corner of the painting, there is a small poem written.

MC: "I want to live with you, sharing endless dusk and endless bells in a small town."

MC: What a beautiful poem, I always feel where I have read it..

Xu Mo: It is a poem by Russian poetess Tsvetayeva.

Xu Mo walked to my side and turned his eyes on the painting to me, with a trace of inquiry in his drooping eyes.

Xu Mo: You like it a lot?

MC: I....

Store Manager: Hello, are you here to paint?

The voice of a middle-aged man interrupted my conversation with Xu Mo.

Xu Mo nodded to the store manager.

Xu Mo: Yes. This painting is very special, we want to know the background of its creation.

Store Manager: Of course! When I first saw this painting, I was just as curious as you guys. Then I asked its author and he generously shared with me the story behind it.

Store Manager: He said that he once met a girl in Paris, and the two chatted from day to night. This painting records the place they passed.

MC: It seems like the plot in the movie...

Store Manager: Yes. Unfortunately, the ending is not as perfect as in the movie.

Store Manager: The girls already have a marriage contract, and they agreed that if they decide to start the relationship, they will meet in front of Notre Dame in Paris at dusk the next day.

MC: But they didn't meet in the end, did they?*

(* this is the edited translation)

Store Manager: Oh, what a pity

Just as I was feeling sad about this story, Xu Mo, who had been silent, raised his hand and rubbed my hair lightly.

Xu Mo: Don't be sad.

Xu Mo: Painting is a tool for memory, but it also has the power of forgetting.

Xu Mo: At the moment he painted, perhaps, he was ready to say goodbye.

Store Manager: Yes, miss, don't have to be so sad, you should be happy to draw with your boyfriend today!

Store Manager: We have special boxes for couples here, let me take you there!

MC: I....

Xu Mo: Alright, then I will trouble you.

Before I could finish my words, Xu Mo interrupted me.

Following the manager, we came to a closed box. He poured two cups of tea for us, said that he could come to him anytime if there was a problem, and then closed the door and left.

MC: This person is really not sloppy.

Xu Mo: Okay, let's sit down first.

Sitting on the sofa and looking at the neatly arranged painting tools, I couldn't help asking my questions.

MC: Why are you taking me here?

Xu Mo: Remember our agreement?

My mind started to rewind quickly, but I couldn't remember what Xu Mo's agreement was.

Xu Mo: Forgot about it so quickly? But I keep it in my heart.

這麼快就忘了? 我可是一直好��的放在心上。

Xu Mo pointed to the paintbrush.

It suddenly dawned on me that I remembered the previous agreement.

There's 2 options for this:

A. Does it mean to teach me the convention of drawing?

B. Is it a promise to draw together?

Option A

MC: Does it mean to teach me the convention of drawing?

Xu Mo smiled and nodded.

Xu Mo: I have seen all your paintings.

Xu Mo: It seems that you don't need me as a teacher, you also have enough talent to understand it yourself.

The thought that all the "ghost-like" paintings in the sketchbook fell into his eyes, I couldn't help but put my face in a shy manner.

Xu Mo took my hand away and wrapped it in his warm palm.

--

Option B

MC: Is it a promise to draw together?

Xu Mo: Yes.

MC: I thought that when we draw on the sketchbook, we have already fulfilled the agreement

Xu Mo: I will do what I have agreed with you.

He looked at me with a smile, his eyes soft and firm, which made ripples in my heart.

Xu Mo: What does that puzzle look like? We can draw another one

It turned out that this is why he brought me to the oil painting studio?

He has not forgotten the agreement between us, and he has always remembered that I lost the puzzle.

MC: It is a puzzle of a forest, well, it may be more difficult to draw...

I suddenly remembered that Xu Mo once said that he can only copy, not create.

MC: Or forget it, we can draw something...

Xu Mo: I have a way, but I don't know if you will like it.

I immediately nodded like a chick.

MC: Well, I will love it!

Xu Mo rubbed my hair indifferently, then picked up a pencil and drew on the paper intently and earnestly. The nib rubbed against the surface of the paper and made a rustle.

I couldn't help looking at his soft and clear side face. In the narrow space, I could only hear our amplified breathing. After a while, the outline of the painting became clear.

MC: Horse? No, it has a sharp horn on its forehead...

MC: It's a Unicorn!

A mirror-like lake, thorny roads, and unicorns in the forest. Behind it, among the dense trees, a dark shadow could be vaguely glimpsed.

Xu Mo: According to legend, the unicorn lives in the forest. It is a noble and beautiful creature. Few people have seen it.

MC: So it appears in the picture, representing the depths in the forest...

Xu Mo smiled and acquiesced to what I said.

MC: I heard that the horns of unicorns have unique healing powers.

Xu Mo: Yes. So despite the fear of its power, there are countless hunters who dream of falling into their trap one day.

I picked up the pen and added a bright moon to the upper left corner.

The bright moonlight leaked from the branches, casting a dim and soft amount of light, illuminating the road in front of the unicorn.

MC: It won't feel lonely now!

With the moon as its company, even if it is faced with greedy hunters and unknown road ahead, it will not be so scared.

Xu Mo turned his head and stared at me. There seemed to be a sea of ​​clouds rolling in his eyes. In an instant, the clouds dispersed, revealing a light.

Xu Mo: Hm, not lonely anymore.

I blushed a little by his burning eyes, so I hurriedly shifted my sights.

MC: Leー let's color it!

Xu Mo on the side laughed lightly.

Xu Mo: Then I'll trouble Miss MC.

MC: Huh? Don't you paint?

I have been painting just now, but someone does not look at the painting, but instead looks elsewhere.

MC: I....

Xu Mo: Now it's my turn.

MC: You...

Xu Mo squinted his eyes slightly, with a smile on the corners of his lips.

MC: Alright..

I confessed my fate and compromised, after all, I was "losing''

For the rest of the time, I am seriously coloring the painting. It's just that whenever I bring up a color and want Xu Mo to give some advice, he will nod and say that's it.

Am I a painting genius?

I quietly dropped the color of my own on the paper, putting aside all worries, as if all the rhythm would slow down with the pen tip.

MC: It's done!!!

Xu Mo: Be carefulー

I was happy for only two seconds. I knocked the paint to the ground because of the excessive movement. There are yellow spots splashing on the finished painting.

MC: Why is it like this...

The bright yellow is particularly conspicuous. I felt regretful for a while, and it was already at the last moment, but because of my clumsiness, I gave up all my work.

I can't help but think of today's experience. It always seems to be a little bit short of it, and it seems that it is almost complete.

Xu Mo: MC, raise your head.

A warm chest pressed against me behind me, and a familiar breath brushed my ears.

I don't know when he have stood behind me.

He leaned down and wrapped my hand holding the brush with a warm, dry palm. The other hand went around my arm and stayed at the waist.

The breath of green grass surrounds me after the rain. Such an intimate action made my body stiff, heat climbed up to my cheeks, and my hands shook unconsciously.

Xu Mo: Don't move.

He took my hand with the brush, and dipped in yellow paint flying on the paper.

The yellow dots that were an eyesore just now have turned into warm fireflies surrounding the unicorn under our pen.

Xu Mo: No matter what the outside world is, hope it will be guided by fireflies.

PART 4

The store manager was amazed after seeing our painting, and hoped to keep it, like the paintings we saw on the wall before, for more people to appreciate.

Xu Mo left the decision to me. After a fierce inner struggle, I decided to keep the painting.

MC: We will come again next time for a better picture!

Xu Mo: Alright.

Xu Mo's tone and smile were very soft. Affected by him, the corners of my mouth curled up unconsciously.

Just as we were about to leave, we saw the clerk taking care of the oil painting.

MC: Speaking of which, the light here is so dark, it is also to better preserve the oil paintings.

Xu Mo: Well, long-term exposure to direct sunlight will cause oil painting to fade.

Xu Mo's voice suddenly lowered, and his tone became colder.

Xu Mo: Beautiful things are very fragile, so be protect carefully.

Looking at the picture of a street scene in Paris, I couldn't help but ask.

MC: You said, how long has Notre Dame de Paris existed?

Xu Mo did not answer immediately, but just looked at me and waited for me to continue.

MC: For such a long time, it has been silently guarding Paris and watching all the living beings.

MC: Remember the story told by the hero in the movie we watched together?

MC: The German soldier holding the detonator admired the beauty of Notre Dame de Paris, which prevented him from pressing the button...

MC: Beautiful things are not just objects to be protected, they also have the power to influence others.

I raised my head and looked directly at Xu Mo's eyes. The atmosphere that was light and pleasant just now suddenly became tense.

I can't even tell myself why I should be so serious on this question. I just vaguely feel that his answer is very important to us.

MC: Just like these paintings in the oil painting gallery, although they are not made by masters, they have a unique charm because of the touching stories behind them.

MC: Although Paris is beautiful, people who love each other are what makes it more beautiful.

Xu Mo stared at me quietly, without speaking, but the temperature in his pupils gradually became infected.

After a while, he raised his hand and pinned my scattered hair behind his ears. Then said in a soft toneー

Xu Mo: What's beautiful is, that reflects the world...your eyes

Leaving the oil painting studio, we returned to the noisy street. The dazzling sunlight made me squint, but in just a few hours, it felt like a world away.

Xu Mo couldn't help but pick up my hanging hand. He didn't use any force, but he couldn't resist it.

Xu Mo: This time, don't refuse me anymore.

Feeling the temperature from the palm of my hand, my heartbeat speeded up unconsciously, and the redness quickly stained my cheeks.

Whether it’s shy or sweaty palms, even though it’s always a little short of perfection, as long as I hold this person’s hand, I have the courage to face everything.

Just like a jigsaw puzzle, we will fill in those vacancies little by little.

MC: Xu Moー

I took out a glass bottle with a puzzle in it.

MC: Sorry I lied.

MC: In fact, after talking with you on the phone, I found the puzzle. But because I wanted to meet you, I didn't tell you...

After hearing what I said, a hint of surprise flashed on Xu Mo's face, but it was quickly replaced by a clear smile.

Xu Mo: It seems that I was too careless and trusted a little liar.

MC: This is a gift from Lisianthus! Of course, you can also regard it as my apologetic

Xu Mo took the glass bottle in my hand, with a smile in his mouth and eyes. (CG Karma also included)

He raised the vial to his eyes. The glass bottle in the sun showed a colorful light, and a yellow gleam was reflected in his eyes.

Xu Mo's pupils widened in an instant.

MC: It's Firefly.

MC: When I saw this puzzle in the store before, I thought it was very similar to the jungle we had visited before, so I bought it...

Xu Mo's eyes were overflowing with tenderness, and the smile on his lips was warmer than the spring sun.

Xu Mo: Very beautiful.

Maybe the light at that time was very soft, maybe the breeze raised his broken hair and rippled in my heart for a month.

I uttered the words that were hidden in my heart

MC: The oil painting may fade, but memory will not.

MC: I would like to put together a jigsaw puzzle, turning our memories into color.

I looked at Xu Mo and said firmly.

MC: No matter how far you go, Firefly will guide you.

Suddenly, everything was silent, and we all reflected each other in our eyes.

Then, I remembered something.

MC: Ah! I forgot to write on our painting just now

Xu Mo raised his eyebrows, and then chuckled out as if not holding back.

He came closer and scratched my nose with his fingers.

Xu Mo: You.

Xu Mo: Do you have anything to write?

MC: No, it’s just that it’s more like ceremony. After all, it’s a work we finished together

MC: Moreover, I am also very curious about what you will write on the painting.

Under the dazzling sunlight, Xu Mo smiled softly.

It was a smile he had never shown before. A bit childish, but unstoppable determination

He held the glass bottle in his hand tightly.

Secretly rejoicing that earlier today, looking at the sunlight outside the window, thinking of the girl who couldn't let go, he finally made the decision to go to the appointment as scheduled.

Is it more painful for those who wait, or is it more painful for those who make people wait?

Fortunately, it did not live up to this rare good weather.

Xu Mo grabbed the document bag in his hand. Let her see these next time.

Xu Mo: I can tell you now.

He looked deeply at the girl before him.

It is like turning her appearance together with this intoxicating spring scene into a beautiful fixation of time and space, a moving stop, imprinting in my heart forever.

Xu Mo: "I want from all the times, from all the nights."

Xu Mo: "Retake you from all the golden banners, from all the swordsー"

Xu Mo: "You have to hold your breath."

-END-

[komahinasecretexchange]

Title: Traditions

Author: @dailyservingofhope

For: @hiddenkamukuraproject

Rating/Warnings: PG-13 (A few vague sexual references, Nagito joking about death, alcohol mention)

Prompt: Going out on Halloween and having fun

Author’s notes: AU where the tragedy didn’t happen. 100% pure organic fluff.

“You’ve never been trick-or-treating?!” Nagito smiled and raised his hands in a placating gesture, “Sorry, I had no one to take me when I was a kid. But it’s fine! It ended up being good luck!” “��Good’?” Hajime asked pointedly as he rested his coffee mug on their kitchen counter. Nagito had a way of twisting things to fit his strange worldview. “I gave out candy instead. Since I could afford full bars of chocolate for all the other kids, I became sort of popular for a little while… at least until they got to know me better.” “That’s not the point,” Hajime said, “I just get upset when I think about your childhood. It’s not fair that you missed out on so much.” He felt robe-cloaked arms wrap around his waist and a soft peck on his forehead. “Don’t worry. I’m fine, promise,” Nagito reassured him. Hajime grumbled in response, wondering if it was okay to be annoyed at his partner’s cute attempt at deflecting. Sometimes Hajime felt that he was more bothered by Nagito’s troubles than Nagito himself. 'Fine’ to him often meant 'Not in the hospital’. How much disappointment and grief did he suffer in his youth before the bar lowered that much? This wasn’t about some silly holiday tradition, this was about making him feel included, and giving him access to experiences that most people took for granted. “You shouldn’t feel sorry for me, you know,” Nagito gently chided him. “I don’t,” Hajime said, worried that Nagito noticed his increasingly pitying expression during their conversation. “Good. Because I secretly switched your coffee with decaf.” “What?! Nagito!” “I’m just kidding. You always look at me like I’m a kicked puppy when I tell you about my past. I prefer it when you’re annoyed with me. Your voice gets this adorable lilt to it.” “No, it doesn’t! I… think?” Nagito chuckled. “Look, it’s not pity,” Hajime sighed, “I’m just worried you feel like an outsider because you had such a different childhood experience than many of us. It’s important to me that you feel welcome and have lots of happy memories. And if I have to take you trick-or-treating this weekend to make that happen, then I’ll do it.” Nagito’s face lit up, “You want to go trick-or-treating with me?” Aware that he just invited Nagito on a date involving an activity generally enjoyed by children still in the single digits of age, Hajime backpedaled, “Wait! I-It’s okay if you don’t want to! I know we’re too old for it, and we told Ibuki we’d be at her Halloween party, so we’ll get to dress up, anyway. There’s no pressure-” “I would love to! We can pick out costumes this afternoon!” Fear of embarrassment ranked high on Hajime’s list of top motivators, but it was nothing compared to Nagito’s sweet face. He couldn’t back out now. “O-okay! Sounds great!” ___ Hajime pulled a scarf around his mouth to warm the crisp, fall air flowing into his lungs. Yellowed leaves danced on the sidewalk with every breeze as he and Nagito strolled through the city. Their destination was a costume shop located in a quaint, less-trafficked district, popular among the dating crowd for its restaurants and shopping. They found it nestled between a cafe and a boutique clothing store. Walls painted black and covered in wheatpasted underground band adverts gave an eccentric touch that made it stand out from the conservatism of the surrounding businesses. Through the windows, there was a display of the typical bats and pumpkins, along with more unnerving props like costumed mannequins covered in fake blood and gaping wounds. Cosplayers and street fashionistas were the store’s year-round clientele, but nearing the holiday, they widened their selection to include Halloween costumes. Hajime pulled open the door for Nagito, “Have any ideas about what you want to be?” “Dead?” Nagito offered. “I really wish you wouldn’t joke about that.” “Aren’t ghosts popular this time of the year?” With a deadpan expression, Hajime poked Nagito in the belly. He then turned his attention to the racks and shelves, not wanting to take the bait. As they perused the aisles together, Nagito suddenly snatched a large package off a rack and hid it behind his back, “I’m going to try something on. No peeking!” Hajime continued to browse while his partner thrashed around in the fitting room. A rather seductive vampire costume caught his attention, and he briefly lost himself in a daydream involving Nagito and lots of sexy nibbling all over his body until he heard someone walk up behind him. He glanced over his shoulder. The glance turned into a double take. To say that Nagito was dressed up as a dog was about as true as saying The Big Bang Theory was a comedy. There was an element of objective truth to it, but it failed spectacularly to articulate that everything else about it was an abomination. The costume was like a long fuzzy tube, white on the belly and black and tan along the back, indicating it was probably intended to be a corgi. The head perched on top of Nagito’s head, its mouth gaping around his face as if it were a python swallowing its prey whole. His feet, which were only just visible from the bottom of the tube, were adorned with paw slippers. The hand-paws were so padded and fluffy that they appeared useless for any practical purpose other than being cute. “How do I look? Wanna be my owner for Halloween? I’ll let you walk me on a leash and give me commands! I know how to beg and lay down!” Nagito said as he shook his rear to make the stubby tail wag. Hajime blushed, looking around to see if anyone overheard, “Shhh! There will be kids around, so nothing… kinky!” “I would never do something I thought was weird around impressionable youth!” “That’s the problem, what you think is weird is a whole world away from what everyone else thinks is weird…” Hajime looked him up and down, “So why this, of all things?” “Most of these costumes aren’t really appropriate around children. What did you think I’d be? A sexy demon? A sexy cat boy? A sexy werewolf? A sexy…” “I get the point… they are a bit provocative, aren’t they?” “Don’t use big words like 'provocative’. I’m just a silly little dog!” he whined, covering his face with his paws in mock shame. “God, Nagito, can you be normal for like one second?” Hajime said, turning away to hide his laughter. Nagito closed the distance, picking up his hand and kissing it. He looked down into his eyes with a charming smile and whispered, “But this is what you like about me, right? There’s no way someone would ever go out with me for any rational reason. Doesn’t that make you abnormal too?” Hajime shivered at his touch. Even dressed in the most absurd getup he’d ever seen, Nagito was still hot, and when he cranked up the charm, he had a terrifying ability to render Hajime as helpless as a fawn. He pushed Nagito away, hoping he didn’t notice, “I-I guess I just don’t know how you do it. You can be so confident sometimes. I’d be afraid of wearing that in public.” “There’s a difference between confidence and being so resigned to loss that you stop feeling anxiety over the little things,” he said, a bit sadly. “Besides, it’s fun!” He waved his paws comically to accentuate the point. “Now we have to find something fun for you to wear.” “Okay, but let’s go by MY definition of fun.” “Whatever you say, Hajime,” Nagito beamed. His eyes darted around, then settled on a mustache and beard set which he handed to Hajime, “How about this? You can go as a grumpy old man. Bonus! You won’t have to be seen with me.” “Oh, come on.” Hajime said, snatching it from him. He looked it over then held it up to his face in front of a mirror. “Hey, I could go as Izuru Kamukura,” he joked, referencing their old high school’s founder. Nagito folded his arms and side-eyed him, “Don’t get all full of yourself now, Hajime.” He then backed away as Hajime approached him with a toy sword taken from a rack. “Wait! What do you plan on doing with that?!” ___ “Happy Halloween!” Hajime, who had been sleeping quite peacefully until then, would have fallen out of bed in fright if a heavy weight had not subsequently landed on him. He opened his eyes to find Nagito sprawled out over his lap. “Sorry, I missed you. I couldn’t wait any longer,” Nagito said. Hajime slammed Nagito on the back of the head with his pillow, “Being cute won’t save you this time.” “Noooo, don’t kill me! I’ve never been kissed!” “Yes, you have.” “Could you remind me?” Nagito said, puckering his lips. Hajime played along and kissed him, “There, now I can kill you.” Moments later, Nagito flew through the air from a good whack from the pillow. Their day went on with the two enjoying horror movies playing in the background as they enjoyed a peaceful afternoon together. After the sun set, they prepared themselves for the night ahead. Hajime had settled on being a black cat, largely because it worked as a couple’s costume, but also just looking at Nagito’s cumbersome outfit made a simple and light costume seem more appealing. The set consisted only of ears and a tail, with a fluffy black sweater and black jeans from his closet to complement it. There was also ancient makeup in the back of a drawer from his scene kid phase which was totally just an ironic experiment and definitely not anything he ever took seriously. He leaned over their bathroom sink to get a better look in the mirror as he used an old eye pencil to draw whiskers, a nose, and thick eyeliner with wings that swept out half an inch. “Who said scene was dead?” Nagito said, as he smirked at him in the mirror. “Hey, I can’t help it that I can do a perfect cat-eye.” “Can you do my makeup sometime?” “Oh please, Nagito, you don’t need it. People would kill for your lashes.” “You know, you’re starting to sound a little… catty.” Hajime groaned at the pun. He reached an arm behind him to blindly swat at his partner, only succeeding in stirring the air around as Nagito dodged the attack, “Is being sarcastic the only thing you’re good for? Why aren’t you dressed yet?” “I will, it’s just hard to move very well in it and I wanted to bother you more effectively.” Nagito draped his arms over Hajime’s shoulders and leaned in. “Actually, I’d like to thank you. I know you get scared of embarrassing situations, so for you to take someone like me out doing something meant for kids, knowing people will look at us funny… It’s sweet of you.” “Why do you think I’m putting on makeup? If all goes well, I won’t even recognize myself.” He chuckled, “But in all seriousness, you know I’d do anything for you.” Nagito buried his face into Hajime’s neck and said nothing. ___ “Everyone looks so happy!” Nagito said, gazing at the lively scene. Costumed kids flocked together at doors or ran around screaming and laughing in excitement. With jack-o’-lanterns on every porch and fake spider webbing drooping from trees, the neighborhood oozed Halloween spirit. Hajime caught himself staring at his adorable partner, “I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself. Are you ready for some trick-or-treating?” “Tell me what to do! I’ve never done this before!” “Come on, you know what to do. Here, try this house.” “What if they yell at me because I’m too old?” “In that case, we threaten to egg their house, then run away.” He responded, hoping Nagito wouldn’t take it as a serious suggestion. Nagito’s eyes swirled. “I wonder if we’ll get chased. That would be exciting,” he said breathily. “You seem a little too excited by that…” Nagito wasn’t listening, he was already halfway up the driveway of a house. Hajime remained by the street to watch while Nagito knocked on the door. An old woman appeared. She looked him up and down as his outstretched arms presented her with a wicker basket ready for filling. “Trick-or-treat!” She gave a tactful, patient smile, “You’re so cute, but aren’t you too old for this?” “My boyfriend is forcing me to do this,” Nagito said, “He’ll be angry if I don’t come back with anything.” “Oh my… well, here…” She dropped a few pieces of candy into his basket, “You look like a sweet boy, you should get away from that awful man. Good luck, dear.” “Yes ma'am! Thank you!” Nagito chirped as he skipped back to the street, somehow managing not to trip over his slippers. “I couldn’t hear you guys, but it seemed to go well?” Hajime asked. “She wasn’t going to give me a treat, so I tricked her.” “Nagito, she was like… 80.” “It’s the Halloween code. I don’t make the rules.” “What did you say to her?” “Nothing to worry about. Let’s go on to the next house!” ___ “Really? You’re trick-or-treating at this age?” “I’m dying of lymphoma, it’s my final wish to trick-or-treat one last time.” “Oh my goodness, of course! Have as much candy as you want!” “Thanks!” Nagito said graciously as he took a few pieces. Hajime looked at him askance when he returned. “Wow, you’re getting a lot of candy. I… honestly wasn’t expecting this…” he said, gesturing at Nagito’s nearly overflowing basket. It seemed like every house in the neighborhood was eager to give him everything they had. “Yeah! Everyone has been so nice!” “I’m glad you’re having a good time, but what are we going to do with all this candy? You don’t even like sweets.” “I had no intention of keeping the candy, Hajime, this was all just for fun.” Nagito’s smile transformed into a grin. “But now that you’ve brought it up, there’s something I’ve wanted to do all night.” Hajime watched as Nagito trotted towards a group of teenagers. Sneaking up behind them, he reached into his basket and tossed a chocolate bar over their heads. They jerked back in surprise, and as they turned to see where it had come from, they were immediately pelted with handful after handful of candy. The next minute was pure pandemonium. Children ran from across the street to join in the fun, grabbing as much candy as they could while it rained down on them. And somehow in that moment, with the kids cheering and Nagito laughing joyfully among that beautiful chaos, Hajime swore his boyfriend never looked so handsome. Yeah, even despite the costume. ___ Ibuki’s Halloween party was well underway by the time Hajime and Nagito arrived. Blaring music greeted them at the door before she did. “You made it! Look at Nagito, so cuuuute! And Hajime, Ibuki loves your makeup! Meowwwww!” Being a world-famous musician, she could afford the finer things. Her house, which better resembled goth night at a club than a habitable dwelling, boasted enough space to host a party with room to spare for dancing. Witch-house played from an expensive sound system that cost more than Hajime and Nagito’s annual rent. It went without saying, Ibuki threw the best parties. Hajime hardly had a minute to take in the surroundings before Nekomaru had him and Nagito locked in a crushing hug. “Hahaha! We’re all here now!” Nekomaru beamed. “You made it, I am so happy!” Sonia said. “Yay.” Chiaki added in her trademark 'not sure if sincere or not’ tone of voice. “Look at you losers wearing a couple’s costume.” Saionji sneered as she eyed them up and down. Mahiru cleared her throat, “We are too, Hiyoko,” remarking on their Sailor Moon outfits. Saionji pouted, “But it’s cute when we do it!” “It’s too bad Teruteru died in that freak accident involving the helicopter tour over that active volcano, he would have liked to be here right now.” Souda said, idly scratching his head. Tsumiki dropped a piece of food on the floor and bent over to pick it up, showing her rear to everyone, “I’m sorry I’m so clumsy! I’m ruining everyone’s good time! Don’t worry about me!” “It’s okay, no one is worrying about you. No one is thinking about you at all!” Saionji cheered. “Waaaaaaaaah!!” Byakuya shook his head in disdain at Hajime and Nagito. “You’re late for the party, you missed out on donuts. Where are your priorities?” Akane’s mouth was too stuffed to respond, so she waved the last donut at them in greeting instead. Gundham held out his arms, letting his hamsters crawl up into his hands. “My Four Dark Devas are enraged at your tardiness for the most evil night of the year. Now the ritual can begin in earnest. Count yourself lucky that they have chosen not to kill you where you stand.” Peko had the eyes of a predator fixed on Nagito’s fluffy animal costume, while Fuyuhiko grinned and raised a shot glass containing an orange liquid, “Hey guys, come drink up! I brought juice!” Ibuki squealed, “Baby gangster is so adorable, only drinking mixer!” “I don’t need to drink alcohol to be cool!!” Amid all the shouting and arguing, Nagito turned to Hajime, “You know, this might be the best Halloween I’ve ever had.” “Same here. And I think you actually taught me a thing or two about the spirit of giving. Wrong holiday though.” “Yeah, too bad it doesn’t count.” Nagito grinned. “I’ll just have to fill up a stocking for you when Christmas comes around.” “I’d love that, Hajime! I’ve never had a stocking for Christmas before!”

[your-anxious-nightmare]

Ghost/Supernatural Occurrence AU

So, I was binging Buzzfeed unsolved and I had this thought “what if there was a ghost but he wasn't a ghost but instead, he was actually like a ‘remnant’ of a lost kid somewhere” and this happened. Enjoy :-)

Roman, 19, gets a scholarship to a prestigious art University across the country from his home town

He moves into an old apartment block because it was cheap and close to campus.

All he has when he arrives is a blow-up mattress and a few suitcases of clothes and knick-knacks because he's a poor college student.

He’s about a week into the first semester when he stumbles home from a late night lecture and meets a person in the hall. 

He’s short, only coming up to Roman’s shoulder, and is dressed in tattered clothes that are three sizes too small. His hair is shoulder length and messy and his skin is sickly pale.

Roman asks if he’s okay but the boy walks off down the hall. 

Roman shrugs it off as sleep deprivation and flops onto his mattress and sleeps for twelve hours. 

He runs into the boy every Friday night after that. 

One night, ironically Friday the 13th, he sees the boy sitting on the stairs crying. 

“are you okay man?” 

The boy looks up, black tears streaming down his pale face and hands shaking fiercely.

“I don’t know where I am.” 

The boy vanishes and Roman screams and a neighbour pops their head out to shush him. 

was it a ghost? am I going insane?

Roman asks around at his uni about people living in the apartment block. 

No one knows anything about a boy like he described.

Until one day, he’s sitting outside the apartment block and a boy sits next to him. 

He's the same height as Roman, maybe even a bit taller, with messy red curls and thick round glasses. 

He doesn’t say anything for a few moments, just picking at the grass by his legs. 

“Virgil went missing ten years ago.” 

Roman looks up in shock, the boy’s eyes filled with tears as he stares out across the garden.

“we were friends. he lived next door to me and we used to play together all the time. 

“one day, we were playing in the stairs. my mum called me from our door so I turned around to answer her. when I looked back, Virgil was gone. 

“I tried to find him, we were gonna have cookies and watch a movie. I went down to the lobby and called for him on every floor. I couldn’t find him so I thought maybe he’d gone up while I was busy. 

“I never saw him again.” 

“I’m so sorry.” 

Patton and Roman become friends, Roman tells him about the times he thought he saw Virgil in the hall. 

Patton tells him he sometimes hears Virgil calling for help but he can never find where the voice is coming from. 

Roman starts to ask around more, talking to the staff at the apartment block and some of the residents from when Virgil was there. 

He learns that Virgil was friends with a lot of families in the building. 

one of them was a boy named Logan and his dad Darian. 

everyone in the building knew Darian was a bit on the weird side, and he wasn’t the kindest towards his son. 

Roman tracks down Logan, which is a struggle as finals approach, but he finds him living across the city and gets in contact to meet up with him. 

they meet up while Roman’s on study leave in a cafe near to Logan’s house

“i know it’s in poor taste, but i need to know about Virgil.” 

“it is okay. i understand the curiousity.” 

they talk for hours

until Logan lets slip something Roman had hoped to never hear. 

“my father had a history of... unsavoury behaviour... with minors.” 

Roman doesn’t want to ask, but Logan knows he has to tell him. 

they go to Logan’s place so they can talk privately. 

“years after Virgil disappeared, my father was arrested for an incident with a barely legal teen. it was brought to light that before i was born, he had many incurences of this but was never charged.

“he was finally put in prison nearly a month ago when I came out about the assaults he had committed on me and those that I had witnessed.

“i've always wondered if maybe he had something to do with Virgil’s disappearamce, but I could never prove it.”

“If he did, what do you think he did?” 

“He was sick, and twisted man, Roman. I would not be surprised if Virgil was locked up in the basement of the apartment block for all these years.” 

Roman leaves not long after that, having given Logan his number because they actually got on well and he doesn’t want to let this chance for friendship go. 

That night, Roman’s laying in bed, he actually has a bed now and he lives out of a dresser insetad of a suitace, when he thinks he hears crying from his living room. 

He gets up and flicks on the lights as he goes. 

the living room light flickers and refuses to turn on and when Roman actually looks around the room, Virgil stands facing the door. 

Roman goes to ask if he’s okay when he runs towards the front door and disappears through the wood. 

Roman follows him, calling out the whole time. 

The apparition runs down the stairs and Roman follows quickly, hands shaking as he realises where theyre heading. 

the basement

Virgil vanishes into the night and Roman fumbles for his phone, which he managed to grab just in case, and turns on a torch. 

the place isn’t in great shape, and there are lots of doors and hallways. 

Roman takes a breath and decides ‘fuck it’. 

he starts exploring, narrating to himself “Buzzfeed Unsolved’ style. 

he gets to the end of the hall and finds a desk with old papers on it, just drawings and random notes like shopping lists. 

as room is looking at the drawings, he notices a weird shape behind the desk. 

on a whim, he moves it out from the wall and finds a door with a lock above the handle and a slidey slot on teh ground. 

he kinda freaks out and dials Logan’s number only to hang up when he realsies it’s 2am and hes in the apartment block basement where there is very little service anyways. 

“ya know what, might as fucking well. I’ve been seeing a ghost for the last year or so, I’m already at the very bottom of the basement, what else could happen?” 

He breaks the lock with a paper weight from the desk and pulls it open. 

The first thing he notices is a bad smell, like a homeless man that hadn’t showered for a decade had eaten a rotting raccoon and got really sick all over himself and just left those bad clothes on.

the next thing he notices is the sound of ragged breaths and whimpering. 

He lifts his torch and the body of a boy about Roman’s age comes into view. 

He’s curled away from him, whimpering “no, please don’t” and wincing from the light. 

Roman point sthe light away from him, and calmly kneels at the door, his heart racing faster than ever. 

“Virgil?” he asks slowly, the boy whimpering louder as he curls up tighter around a ragged old toy bunny

“Virgil, my name is Roman. I’m not here to hurt you.” 

the boy looks up, eyes squinted from the light. 

“Oh sweetie. I’m gonn agte you help okay.” 

Roman stands and lifts his phone, successfully getting a bar of reception and dialing Patton. 

“Patton, I can’t explain but I need you to call an ambulance and tell them to park as close to the door sas possible. Can you run up to my room and get a change of clothes and my sunglasses as well? I’ll meet you outside shortly.” 

He rambles quickly, wtaching the receptuon flicker out before hanging up and stuffing the phone into the tight pocket of his sleep shirt. 

“Virgil, you’ve been down here a long time, but my friend is going to help us.”

“I need you to trust me. I’m not like the man that did this too you, I promise on my future as an artist.”

“I’m going to pick you up, it’s going to hurt, but I’m going to take you outside where there will be people that can help you. Is that okay?” 

Virgil doesn’t answer, eyes blown wide in the light and Roman takes a small squeek as a yes. 

He reaches out, apologising as Virgil flinches away and almost screams at his touch. 

he’s so light, Roman can only imagine how underweight he is.

he grasps the bunny tighter and closes his eyes as Roman brings him closer to him

With a burst of heroic energy, Roman races out of the basement, trying his hardest to keep his arms steady so he doesn’t bounce the tiny boy too much

he gets to the doors and the ambulance is outside with it’s flashing lights and several of the aparemnts residents are crowded around trying to find out what’s happening. 

“Close your eyes virgil.” 

Virgil tucks his head against Roman’s chest and he holds back a gag at the smell but pushes forward. 

he reaches the ambulance and shouts for help.

Patton catches up and follows him to the ambulance, not saying anything as he looks at his old friend in his new friends arms

Roman puts Virgil on a stretcher and Patton hands him the bag of stuff. 

the paramedics are floored but let Roman come with them as they take Virgil to the hospital. 

“Patton, call Logan, meet us there.” Roman instructs as he climbs up next to the boy, sitting on the bench and sliding his sunglasses onto Virgil’s face.

it takes only a few minutes to get to the hopital and Virgil is rushed off, Roman tells them all he knows and give the nurses the bag of clothes, telling them they can put him in something more comfortable when he’s stable. 

Roman sits in the waiting room for hours until Patton and Logan arrive and then they sit together for longer. 

when the nurses come out, they say Virgil is seriously malnourished and dehydrated. 

He also has various signs of assault and infections that were never properly dealt with. 

Roman takes it upon himself to call Virgil’s parents, he found their number in a phone book but didn’t want to bother them with his questions. 

He calls and stammers his name and tells them what happened. 

Virgil’s mother cries and says she’ll be there as soon as possible. 

The boys are allowed to go see Virgil, they awkwardly enter to find him in Roman’s clothes, curled up in a ball with various wires and things attached to him and that ragged old bunny clutched tight to his chest. 

“Virgil?” ROman says first, stepping forward and taking the seat next to Virgil’s head, hand rested on the bed next to his. 

“These are my friends. You might recognise them.” he waves the boy’s over, both in shock of seeing the friend they lost a decade ago. 

“this is Patton, he’s teh kidnest person you’ll ever meet.” 

Patton squeeks out a small hi and sits next to Roman. 

“And this is Logan. he’s pretty cool too, a bit of a nerd but I’ve only known him for like a week so...”

“Hello Virgil.” 

they sit with him for an hour, quietly chatting and keeping him company though he never speaks. 

His parents turn up and Roman stands to greet them.

the woman is short with graying hair and a little cane, his father much the same but thinner. 

Its a teary reunion but Virgil still doesn’t speak. he flinches at the touch and nods a little but otherwise nothing. 

Patton and Logan sneak out when Roman tells them what he knows, and roman follows them shortly after, leaving teh family with his number if they need anything. 

as ROman leave sthe room, he sees the apparition of Virgil in front of him, eyes full of tears and a smile on his face. 

“you saved me.” 

he launches forward and wraps his ghost arms around Romans waist, crying loudly. 

Roman freezes, none of the nurses apear to see the boy attached to him so he awkwardly plays it off by scratching the back of his head and resting a hand on the boy’s back like he’s just standing there chilled out. 

thank you.” ghost V pulls away, wipes his tears and smiles before fading away, much more calmly than when he first disappeared. 

Roman smiles and finds the other boys and they go home. 

the next week was spent with the boys discussing what happened

they get through finals okay and they’re all chilling at Roman’s’ house when a knock sounds at the door.

Roman goes to answer it and Virgil is there with the bag of clothes and a shy look in his eyes. 

“My parents told me what happened. thank you.” 

he hands over the bag and a box of chocolates and awkwardly turns to walk away

“do you, maybe, wanna come in? we’re watching disney.” 

Roman opens the door wider to show Patton and Logan laughing together on the couch.

he decides he might as well because what else will he do, he has no friends and no idea about society anymore. 

they become good friends, relationships blossom (you decide which) and it’s beautiful and Virgil gets used to being in sunlight again and Logan’s dad gets more years in prison because they found his DNA on Virgils old clothes 

And they live happily ever after

[karmanticmoved]

1-85 uwu

j esus okay

1. describe yourself.

uh,, emotional ig, dumbass, quiet, exhausted all of the time, v queer, healthy mix of feminine and masculine, insecure, and not tha t great tbh. kinda a pussy ass b itch

2. if you could go anywhere for a week all expenses paid where would it be?

idrk. maybe somewhere like a hella nice beach in another country, maybe somewhere in europe. i like travelling but i hate the travel to get there and have no money so i havent put thought into it. maybe hawaii or somewhere like that.

3. do you have siblings?

the one thats still alive is my half brother

4. what is your favorite constellation, why?

orion maybe bc i don't know a lot but i can see that one from my bedroom window even in the city n idk. its comforting. or scorpius cause i'm a scorpio

5. favorite color.

yellow, pink, or blue.

6. what kind of music do you listen to?

almost anything. whatever catches my interest.

7. favorite flower. (you can name as many as you want cause flowers are awesome)

forgot what i said last time but those

yellow carnations i think?

8. if you could do magic, what is the first spell you would learn?

maybe smth to put myself to sleep immediately bc f uCk

9. favorite childhood memory.

my summer camp memories are pretty great. also memories of my dad and i going fishing are good.

10. have you ever been cheated on?

i mean in theory i couldve been bc online relationships but no. n im polyam and have identified as such for a majority of my relationships so no.

11. if you could describe your perfect room, what would it be?

big but not too big, yknow? like big enough that it can be filled and have room to walk around and lay on the ground or whatever but not Empty. and a pretty big bed to stretch out on, n a closet in the room. multiple windows w blackout curtains so theres light but it can be blocked out. n fluffy rugs or carpeting but preferably rugs in case smth spills so we can get it out of at least Remove the rug. and probably a cat tree thing in corner for dipper. n a computer desk and actual lights that light up the whole room. but probably,, fairy lights too bc full lights too bright. and i kinda want a pink room but blue or yellow work also. a nd pride flags on the walls + posters and various other stuff bc plain walls are boring. and tons n tons of b ooks too.

12. favorite animal.

river otter

13. what was the last photo you took of?

cat

14. do you believe in soul mates?

i'm not sure. i do kinda think there are people who you will like. really really click with and who become so important in your life that they're like. apart of u yknow? but i don't think that anyone as an individual needs to keep those people in their life forever. they arent destined to stay with them, and they shouldnt force that relationship (platonic, familial, romantic, or whatever) even if they were close for years and years. screw destiny. youll have people you care about, and sometimes you have to break that bond to save yourself, and thats okay. there will be other people who can and will be just as important. that got kinda off topic skbsks. i don't think theres really like Destiny soulmates. but there could be like. soulmates in the sense of for however long we're together, we're soul bonded. even if its not forever. does that even make se nse skbsns

15. do you hang toilet paper over or under?

over is the one thats socially acceptable right

16. your go to place to eat & your favorite thing to get there.

idk theres a place near a movie theater closeish to my house and its a nice little cafe and i dont eat there bc i dont eat much in general but i get their bubble tea and i love. raspberry bubble tea w rose popping bubbles. its comfort drink.

17. do you believe everything happens for a reason?

no. sometimes shit happens for no reason, and its bullshit, but you can't reverse it, so you gotta figure out how to move on from it.

18. guilty pressures?

im assuming thats meant to be pleasures

umm,, idrk. i don't know what exactly i like that would count as a guilty pleasure so,,

19. favorite mythical creature, why?

merpeople are s o cool i fuckin. love funky aquatic pals hell yeah. maybe im just Water babey but. they're rad. dragons are also hella cool bc like dragons???? theyre scaly and prett y and can breathe fire or have wings and kill u?? also like selkies bc again. water. but i used to hear a lot of stories abt them and theyre so nea t

20. something most people don’t know about you.

i have the potential to be a huge asshole and also kinda Wish to fuckin murder someone sometimes but. i act nice most of the time anyway.

not murder murder but i can get angr y enough that i just wanna Stab smth

21. where did you grow up, what was it like?

grew up kinda near the edge of the city, still in it but not like the main city area. in western washington. it was kinda rly boring, i used to spend a lot more time outside or just by myself playing with leaves or toys or whatever. when i had friends i played make believe w them even when outside of school. so yeah. boring id say.

22. do you believe aliens exist?

sure.

23. what was your last google search?

other than names for some actors n stuff, i was looking up various star wars things

24. what did your last relationship teach you?

the one that like. ended? i guess thatd be. be careful with your own feelings and try to figure them out before jumping into anything, and also don't try to force smth that in reality isnt really working.

25. would you relocate for love?

honestly yeah

26. do you hold grudges or forgive easy?

both. it just depends on how badly i or someone i care about was hurt by it. more likely to hold a grudge if a friend was hurt by someone d eep enough to leave a lasting impact or if they don't get a genuine apology i will be 🔫🔫. or if the person keeps hurting them. even if that person is also my friend.

27. favorite book.

favorite graphic novel is bloom by kevin panetta

favorite books in general are autoboyography, more happy than not, and what if its us. all gay. i know. its okay. im a kinnie.

28. do you consider yourself an extrovert or introvert?

introvert by far

29. have you ever kept a journal, do you now?

i tried once. i probably will have to once i go see a therapist, or at least one for my Bad Thoughts

30. top 5 favorite movies.

in no particular order

little shop of horrors, love simon, coco, it (2017 and 1990), and shazam! ig? maybe others but i definitely Forgot all the shit ive watched

31. do you believe that everything happens for a reason?

no

32. what is your greatest fear?

definitely gotta be all of the people i love hating me and abandoning me or secretly hating me and then leaving me without saying anything. and the worst part is im always afraid its gonna happen babeyy

33. favorite alcoholic beverage.

im baby

34. most embarrassing thing you’ve done.

im embarrassed by my own existence. i don't remember the Most embarrassing thing

35. do you believe in ghosts?

not until i have proof that i can actually trust and believe in

36. what is the best and worst part of your personality?

idk ig im nice. but im also. very easily set off on certain emotions especially the bad ones which sucks like especially jealousy bc i dont wanna!! feel jealous!! tho i think that ties into my greatest fear bc my brain immediately tells me im useless to everyone and they hate me. but. sometimes i get jealous and then feel bad for that and then hate myself for all of it. bc my friends deserve to hang out w other people and care about other people im just fucking stupid babey !!

37. should you split the dinner bill?

i rly don't get why you wouldnt tbh like if u both wanna be there u should both pay. but if one person gonna pay it should be the person that asked.

38. are you a good liar?

most of the time. when it comes to my mental health i can either lie great or im literally breaking down in front of the person so

39. what keeps you up at night?

depressing thoughts. anxiety about everything. wishing i could cuddle and fall asleep w jay. sometimes i just cant sleep bc im too restless.

40. would you rather go without your phone or music?

music. i need my phone to text my friends and i Need my friends

41. do you believe in god?

what god would let the world get to the point its at. what god would allow people to do such fucked up shit.

no. i don't.

42. how do you relax when frustrated?

cry, take a nap, take a shower, listen to music, cuddle dipper

43. what’s something that offends you?

when people go "oh yeah i support gay rights but im still gonna eat at chick fil a bc its good" like i get so fucking. pissed off by that. youre not gonna fucking s ta rv e without their goddamn chicken. i know a bi person who goes there and says its okay bc they dont Directly Give Their money to Specifically anti gay organisations but im just. ugh. fucking pissed bc there are other places to get food just avoid the one place for fucks sake. their food is good it doesnt matter. its like saying yeah pewdiepie is a bad person and nazi and a racist asshole but his videos r funni haha so im gonna watch him anyway

44. favorite food

i hate myself whenever i eat food

45. if you were on a 10 hour flight and could sit and talk to any person the entire time, who would it be?

@destinedformuchmore or @pinaplelee

46. when do you feel the most confident?

never? but ig i feel confident when working on tech construction during theater tech. as long as i know what im doing.

47. what do you do in your free time?

sleep. draw. cry. play video games. talk to my friends.

48. is there anyone who has completely lost your respect

matpat did for being a dick abt neopronouns and making a transphobic joke and only apologizing when a cis person told him to. not when hundreds of trans people did. and also other jokes that are inherently offensive to various groups. a n d for making extremely not Child friendly jokes in his videos which are very much targeted towards kids. say what you will about the target audience, there are a lot of children who watch them. please stop making creepy nsfw jokes if you won't even swear, sir.

49. have you ever broken someone’s heart?

i guess so yeah. but she also broke mine first.

50. did/do you play sports in school?

i did. i don't anymore bc highschool sports are bullshit but. basketball, ultimate, and soccer.

51. when are you happiest?

talkin 2 jay prolly

52. coffee or tea?

tea

53. what is one possession you own you wouldn’t want to live without?

my binder. or my stuffed cat puppet thing ive had since i was 7

54. what is the first thing you notice about a person?

their general emotions, mostly. like if theyre in a good mood or if theyre bored or distracted or whatever. or if they seem interested in actually talking to me

55. what is your favorite season, why?

fall. my birthday, the atmosphere is nice, it's pretty, its hoodie weather.

56. what makes you laugh?

stupid little comments or jokes my friends make tend to make me laugh a lot harder than i should but jabdn

57. are you a clean or messy person?

a mix. i Cannot have some things messy or i will ksjqkd. Die but i don't make my bed too often bc its ha rd when its against 3 walls.

58. what is important for a successful relationship?

communication communication communicati

talk about ur goddamn problems n keep talking to each other.

59. what was your upcoming like?

if thats supposed to be upbringing

idk, very relaxed. pretty easygoing and kinda boring.

60. favorite holiday?

any holiday in december rly. i don't celebrate a Lot but the atmosphere and others celebrating is nice to see. i kinda wish my parents did more to embrace the jewish part in our family blike. whatever. christmas is fun.

61. what is the first thing you’d do if you won the lottery?

give half of it to my parents. and then probably use it for plane ticket

62. what’s the best pizza topping combination?

hawaiian pizza. pinapple n canadian bacon ty

63. favorite outdoor activity.

frisbee

64. how are you? honestly.

not great. i want highschool to end.

65. would you rather go camping in the woods or stay at a beach resort?

idk. camping is fun but if i get to stay at the resort for free i would rly love 2 stay at a resort tbh ive never done that

66. what is the most beautiful thing in nature?

waterfalls. or rivers or just. water in nature. and very green forests. aNd snow.

67. favorite type of candy?

none

68. if your life was a book, what would be the title?

i can and will do arson, an autobiography

69. what movie quotes do you use of a regular bases?

i quote john mulaney and whatever my obsessions are pretty regularly

70. what was cool when you were young but not cool now?

silly bandz. pokemon cards. these weird unicorn figures i collected

71. what’s the craziest conversation you have ever eves dropped on?

im mostly the one having the weird conversations

72. what’s the most interesting documentary you’ve ever watched?

i watched one about dogs and cats and their evolution which was lit

73. what’s the worst hairstyle you’ve had?

when i let the lady just go fuckin ham on my hair bc i was watching spirit that horse movie and didnt wanna stop so it was. rly bad bangs and hella short in back but not the sides

74. what do you like to cook?

whatever im hungry for. i don't have the energy to cook a lot

75. what’s the coolest animal you’ve seen in the wild?

really pretty tropical fish

76. what’s the funniest tv show you’ve ever seen?

idk. i rly like schitts creek its pretty amusing

77. do you usually follow your heart or your head?

heart at first but my head if things get bad

78. what is your favorite quote?

"i have a splitting headache and i think i'm dying. how are you?"

or a character just saying "try harder" when another failed to do smth.

this is supposed to be deep or whatever but im in a Mood

79. what’s the weirdest crush you have ever had?

once had a crush on a character in a minecraft parody lmao

80. what’s your love language?

sending shit that makes me think of them. n just. making tons of stuff for them both online and irl like bracelets.

81. do you ever feel alone?

oh yeah. all the time. im not but it feels like i am which sucks

82. ever been bullied?

yeah

83. are you usually early or late?

late bc of my parents rip

84. what kind of art do you enjoy most?

drawing, or writing. also theater.

85. what do you wish you knew more about?

i just wish i could remember everything ive learned more about. i know a lot i just forget all.

id like to know more about forensics tho

[kazlifeadventures]

Chernobyl!!

23 May

Those of us who signed up for the full day trip to inside Chernobyl’s exclusion zone were up early in our long pants,sleeves,with enclosed shoes with our passports ready for the security checks to go into the zone. We signed our lives away on a safety waiver, and check in sheets that go to the highly controlled checkpoints located at the different zone crossings. Visits to the area are highly controlled with only a few tour companies given permission to enter, they are required to wear a tracker at all times so they are monitored to ensure they are not going into areas where they are not permitted. We were all required to wear dosimeters so that our radiation exposure could be checked at the end of the day. Our guide, Alexi, gave us some amazing insights he has learned from years of research, insights into not only the events that lead up to what occurred in the early hours of 26th April 1986, but also the time line of sorts of what was done afterwards. A lot of the ‘truths’ surrounding the reactor explosion were lost when witnesses died, or were buried by the propaganda and coverups of the Soviets at the time. Don’t forget it took for America to call them out with the incontrovertible satellite photos of the blast for the Soviets to admit anything had happened, let alone take steps to contain the ongoing radiation leakage and further risks of explosions. When it comes to information surrounding Chernobyl it’s difficult to find a complete story, let alone be able to fact check anything. Alexi gave us the name of a you tube documentary that he advised shows the true side of what happened in reactor 4 on 26 April 1986. The " Battle of Chernobyl" if you want to look it up!

First up was a stop in Zalesye, an abandoned village within the exclusion zone. It was surreal, to step off the bus, knowing that we were walking down a main street, but seeing nothing but vegetation. Then through avenues in the trees we came across the remains of the houses, we then entered into the old town hall building with its rotting floors, and decaying walls. There were still old signs on the walls. I managed to get myself what I like to call a ‘shin - obyl’ bruise on my way in, as only I can - stacked it climbing up onto the entry. Luckily one of my bus mates helped me up as we were told not to touch walls, or ground...or anything really ... so that would be why we had to wear long pants (for when idiots like me fall over!)

The next stop was the reason the power stations were built, the Duga radar. Holy huge metal antenna array... when you know that the huge, costly, power hungry radar actually wasn’t that good at its job makes the events of the reactor explosion seem even more of an avoidable incident. Incredibly, you would have no idea that it was there until you walk into the forest of vegetation, then it’s an ‘oh my’ moment at it’s sheer size and the wonder of the precision of the components. It is slowly rusting, and someone died climbing it a few years ago, so we were not allowed to climb it.

We then headed to Chernobyl and the Reactor canteen for lunch. Yes, complete canteen lunch on a tray... Soup, mains, desert, replete with unsmiling Ukrainian canteen ladies serving it to us. With the extra bread we’d grabbed at lunch we then fed fish from the railway bridge near the reactors. Then it was up close to reactor 4 and the monument for it. I couldn’t believe we were able to get to within about 200m of it. Although there are strict rules on photos in this area - can only shoot in one direction, and there are guards and cameras everywhere.

Chernobyl town was the administrative centre for the district and until its evacuation on the 30th April 1986, housed about 14000 people It was not as close to the site as our next stop.

Alexi gave us an interesting parallel: apparently ‘Chernobyl’ means wormwood in Russian. In Chernobyl town, 164 died as part of the first responders to the explosion, and there is a memorial that has been erected in the central square depicting an Angel blowing a trumpet. The 8th book of revelations talks of a cataclysmic event : “And the third angel sounded, and there fell a great star from heaven, burning as it were a lamp, and it fell upon the third part of the rivers, and upon the fountains of waters; And the name of the star is called Wormwood: and the third part of the waters became wormwood; and many men died of the waters, because they were made bitter.” Revelation 8:10-11. Draw from that whatever conclusions you will, interesting nonetheless...

Pripyat was designed to be new age city of sorts, with its amusement park, cafes, art installations, hotels, apartments it was coming into itself with 50000 residents, housing workers at the power plant. It was finally evacuated in the afternoon of the 27th April 1986, with residents being told they would be gone for a couple of days and to just grab a few things and leave their pets. They were never allowed to return. We climbed through the maternity hospital, where the abortions were performed, with some of its records and equipment still intact. We were warned not to touch anything that still remained as it would still be highly radioactive. Trekking through the vegetation we came across what once was a beautiful cafe on the banks of the river that was due to open on the day the city was evacuated. The stained glass art that had adorned its window depicting the four seasons, some still intact, the rest of it lying shattered on the ground. From there we headed to the sports stadium, through what we later realised was the soccer field (no sign that it was there!) To me it was incredible to see sparks of beauty still there, the glass work in the cafe, the tile art adorning the external sides of two of the buildings we saw. We ventured into the pool area of the sports complex, it’s dive platform still intact, tiles, ladders, everything still there, just decaying, old, or vandalised by some who have snuck into the area over the years. It was then time for the iconic amusement park. Again something that was only just opening when the incident occurred. It stands as a rusting memory of time gone by, bumper cars, Ferris wheel, all the fun of the fair, with that eerie overtone of nothingness or is it hopelessness, I’m not sure.

We then took off to see the last Lenin statue in Ukraine, all others have been removed. It is still located outside of the Communist party building where the ‘fake’ trial took place of a power plant director and 2 engineers, where they were found guilty of negligence and the the blame placed on them for the incident. Nothing of course said about the safety measures that were supposed to have been installed in the reactor, or the fact that they failed, or they fact that the staff were following orders as required under Soviet rule. The Chernobyl town is home to what are known as the ‘self settlers’. Previous residents who have returned of their own volition to continue living in their property.

Our last stop was in the Red forest area, northern part of the exclusion zone. It apparently received the worst of the radiation. We entered the kindergarten where to my dismay we learned that kids continued to be sent to for at least a week after the reactor explosion. Testing after the incident proved that everything including the toys they had played with were riddled with extremely high levels of radioactivity. It was poignant and incredibly sad to see the remains of the toys, the cribs/beds knowing that these children had been exposed to such toxic levels of radiation due to the inaction of the Soviet authorities.

On our way out of the zone we stopped briefly at ‘The men who saved the world’. An un-offical memorial to the first attendees, doctors, firefighters etc, who all died in hospital number six in Russia and were then buried in lead coffins somewhere in Russia. Their families were not allowed to even see them or be at the burial.

On our way out of two checkpoints we had to submit to a full body radiation scan at each in order to check for any contamination. Luckily none of us had to be decontaminated (ie hosed down!). We were then given strict instruction to shower thoroughly and ensure our clothes were either washed or kept in an area safely before we washed them... On a side note the radiation we experienced for the day was somewhere around a 5 or 6 hour transatlantic flight so I pretty much got more radiation flying over to Europe than I did wandering around all day - good to know though!

It was an amazing day. A long one, we're all tired. But wow. How lucky am I that I got to do this. Mother nature has given the human race and it's nuclear power a big fuck you. And I love it! It's surreal to walk down what was once a street realising that on both sides of you hidden by nature's growth stands the time capsule of the crumbling remnants of the buildings of whole towns. Nature has rebounded here in spades, the birds chirping constantly, the land brimming with growth, the fish teeming - and no, none of them have 2 heads or mutations anymore. Apparently nature very quickly removes such mutations when they serve no purpose. The amusement park, a ghost town of rusting steel and decaying wood. The beautiful art works of tile and glass slowly deteriorating. It's eerie, and incredibly fascinating. My emotions are everywhere. Our guide is so passionate about what happened here and what the Soviets did to cover up their mistakes and the impact this had on the people who are still affected to this day, with no accurate records of how many have died from exposure in the years since the explosion. I was astounded how close we were able to get to reactor four. Incredibly saddened at how little care was taken of the people here. This Chernobyl adventure will stay with me forever, and has left an indelible mark on my psyche. If you don’t know much about this story, read more, find as much of the truth as you can, and most important of all - never forget.

[mostlyfrukheadcannons]

The House in the Wood

Written for the fruk gift exchange to @kenobi. Fem!England x France. Modern day setting. The gist of the prompt is that the two of them have been out of hegemony for very long time, and are learning to settle back as former empires, and to enjoy life slowly. I’ve chosen to focus primarily on their struggles to deal with their postcolonial guilt from all the devastation they caused as former hegemons that played the game of great power politics. I’m also deeply ashamed by how edgey it turned out lol. EDIT: Silly me I forgot to tag @fruk-net, whom I’d like to thank for organising this wonderful event :D

Once, there was a precious little space in a deep, green woods. Beloved by the personification of England in her youngest days, where the little child would cautiously watch out for intruders tread in her forest.

The only exception she made was for her siblings who occasionally dropped by on short visits to visit her. That, and this strange boy from across the ocean. He said his name was Francis. He spoke in a strange tongue that was like the burbling of a  flowing stream. He dressed in ridiculous silk robes that he should never be worn on visits to a forest.

But this Francis was acceptable. He would bring along different treats and snacks for Alice to try. He would speak gently to her, eyes sparkling without a hint of comprehension. On such days, Alice would deign to allow him to sit with her in a clearing in the forest, to quietly look up at the stars and be filled with a quiet awe.

Once, there was flurry of construction — bold and brazen — of a gargantuan house smack at the center of that spot in the forest. It was presided over by a certain English nation, who had grown more sharp-eyed and scrutinising, with the weight of many, many years behind her. Those were years steeped in bloodshed. (And no small amount of enmity. That little French boy had grown up tall and vain, with a sword by his side that he would point and stick into her if he could. As she would him. At any rate…...)

The House being built was to be tall. Impressive. Overriding those memories of the most naive times when she had slept there with one whom she had believed to be a friend; and over the trails of the invading armies that had punctured through these very forests to pierce at the heart of the England.

It was to be a landmark signifying a new start and a new direction for the English nation. The roar of a dragon with the irrepressible desire to devour the world entire. (Especially since said nation had to face a world that would rapaciously tear every right to power from her grasp simply because of her gender.)

In keeping with that thought, when the House was finished, Alice commissioned for a massive, sprawling map of the world to be hung up in the drawing room, serving as a centerpiece. Over that map, she peremptorily struck in pins with the British flag upon them, to mark all the foreign lands and peoples that were to be brought under her rule— for the glory of Britain.

Then she smirked a little, at the thought that perhaps she could dye these lands in the trademark red of her empire’s colour. Specifically, in the blood of that French fool, who was bound to stand in her way. Well, Alice certainly looked forward to it:

To crushing him, wherever he rose to fight her.  

Then the days of reckoning came. Alice thinks days, because there was not one single moment that led her to question what lay in at the foundations of her empire. To look, and realise, that all along it stood upon a mountain of bones.

It was only one night, sleeping in that House of hers, that it struck her in a nightmare with the force of a typhoon. The question how many have I killed.

Instantly, from the depths of her mind she sees garbled visions of so many children and civilisations, looking back at her — the personification of the empire that took everything away from them — through what she called a ‘civilising mission’, but what they screamed was colonialism.

(Somehow Alice remembers their faces just a little, because in some twisted way they were her people too. Just like how some small part of her had always known that it was wrong for her to march into someone else’s land, and take possession of it, by deriding them as ‘savages’ incapable of self-governance).

But what scares her most isn’t the way these faces  at her, as if bearing witness to what she had done.

What scares her most is how human they look. How diverse the faces are. How beautiful they were…... and the infinity of what-could-have-beens stretching out from their faces — blowing apart her mind’s ability to comprehend — how they could have had dreams, grown old with their families, thrived within their communities….

If her Empire had never come coming knocking at their doorsteps.

The first awareness that she’d had of the nightmare fading away, was when she felt a cool cloth being placed upon her forehead, and a voice speaking softly over her. Even semi-conscious, she recognises from instinct that the timbre and lilt of that voice belongs to Francis.

As the hours go by, Francis’ words start to sound more intelligible.  “You’ve been missing for days,” is the first thing he says to her that she fully understands.

And then, “You need more rest,” is what he tells her, when she gets up from her bed.

But Alice doesn’t think that she should be resting. A sickening, twisting feeling in her gut tells her that something is terribly, terribly wrong. When she feels enough strength in her body, she immediately gets up, in spite of Francis’ efforts to stop her…... She takes in the sight of her bedroom around her…...

And immediately she retches. There are faces, faces everywhere, staring at her, unblinking. She tries to scream but no sound comes out. She starts to convulse, and she can’t suppress the impulse to cry.

Her mind is clogged up by the white noise of terror. Francis’ urgent voice barely makes it through to her fog of fear, and it feels like eternity before she can take to heart his urgings to calm down, take deep breaths…...

And then she realises that the faces staring at her are but crude etchings along her bedroom walls.

“You drew them” Francis tells her, in a cool voice meant to steady her. The statement just makes her mind spin, “When I found you, you were delirious, still babbling incoherently, still trying to use one of your sharper daggers to desperately carve more faces into the walls…...It took quite a while for me to restrain you…...”

“Oh,” Alice responds, breath still short. She takes in the sight of the once-grand facades of her bedroom, which have now become a memorial to these ghosts, eerie and tarnished. Then her heart drops when she thinks of all the manuscripts and precious novels she’d also stowed away in this House.

“What about my private library?” she asks, voice shaky, mind numb.

Francis shakes his head. “I’ve looked through many of the books. Many pages have been torn out….. And the faces…... many of the books have been damaged beyond repair.”  

Alice looks down at her hands. Feels the buzzing sensation still coursing through her twitching fingers, and the panic still exploding within her head, telling her to continue, that not all might be lost — if only — if only she could stop a little bit of the past from slipping away, just etch into the walls one more face…...

But what’s done is done. Soon after Alice locks the House up, and abandons it, leaving it standing in the woods, like a mausoleum never to be opened. 

 One last thing: just before Francis leaves, he turns to her with a softness she hasn’t seen in his eyes for centuries. “Just so you know, I don’t judge you for this at all.”

“Oh really,” Alice remarks, tone soaking with self-depreciation.   

“Because I too have done something similar to this before.”

And suddenly, Alice realises that the tiredness about Francis isn’t just his defeat and occupation during WWII weighing down on him: its guilt. It’s the recognition that all along Big Brother France was simply brutalising all his so called siblings, smiling at them with an arm slung tightly over their shoulder, as he continued to exploit them ruthlessly for resources…...far more ruthlessly than anything he suffered under the boot of Vichy France…...

Alice nods, and tells him that she understands.

For some reason, after this incident, Alice feels drawn to Francis, like a moth to a flame. It seems Francis feels likewise. He starts meeting up with her very often often. They chat, in cafes, and meeting rooms, and in their various houses. They talk about current day events, the headaches of being a nation. But also, about progress made, in making apologies to the nations they’d belittled as colonies; and more importantly, sitting down to listen to these nations for the first time, with an open mind attuned to all the wisdom and the skill that they’d somehow ignored when they were supposedly infallible empires.

It feels a little like forgiveness, when Indira makes jabs at Alice’s bastardized renditions of Indian cuisines, cheeky rather than spiteful, wielding the English language like it’s one of her other hundreds of native tongues (“I may have thrown the Englishmen out of my country, but there’s no need to throw away your language, which I have perfected). Or like the easing of a long-held burden for Francis, when Vietnam buys him some Bahn Mi and urges him to try it. (“It’s a step up from your silly baguettes. Not the first time I’ve beaten you at your own game.”)

Even though it is not quite redemption, because there are still days when certain ex-colonies refuse to look them in the eye, and the nightmares do return to remind them both that some wounds never close.

But still, one day, the House in that forgotten spot in the forest opens up.

It’s Amelia’s suggestion. The feisty American abruptly remembers spending a small bit of her childhood roaming about that House. She immediately declares in the middle of a World Meeting that it would be the perfect location to host the Christmas party — an extravagant traditional English manor house. Alice immediately feels like throttling all the final vestiges of Downton Abbey out of her (just let the damn show die already), but she’s shot down by all the expectant looks thrown her way, and by then the silence on her part has stretched too long to be taken as anything other than consent.

Amelia (the spoilt and ignorant brat) looks immeasurably pleased with herself. Alice buries her face in her hands and groans. But then, she feels a warm hand resting on her shoulder.

“You know, this might not necessarily a bad thing mon cher — you hosting a Christmas Party.”

“I don’t get what you mean, Francis.”

“Perhaps this is a chance for you to try something new. Do something a little different for once, in that wretched House of yours.”

“Oh,” Alice replies, the cogs in her mind starting to spin rapidly. “Well Francis, don’t think for a second that you won’t be dragged into this.”

On the day itself, when the doors of the House swing open for the Christmas party, and all the nations of the world stream in, Alice spots it: something intense in their eyes, especially for the ex-colonies, who seem to pause for a moment to take a look around them. For one heart-stopping second, Alice thinks that it’s because it’s all not enough. She can tell her co-host standing beside her, Francis, is suspecting the same, because his face is panicked and pale. But then, as the different nations start to move about to different parts of the manor, Alice hears Francis let out a soft breath in relief. And she too realises that what’s burning bright in their eyes is recognition. The South Asian nations have gravitated towards the rangoli designs on the floor, cheerily critiquing the Christmas themed patterns that have been drawn out using brightly coloured flour. The Philippines seems even more radiant than usual, as she bring along the other Southeast Asian nations to bask under the light of her parols — one of her favourite Christmas traditions — great, gorgeous star-shaped lanterns, that represent the Star of Bethlehem that brought the three shepherds to the infant Jesus.

It’s recognition, Alice realises, as she watches Francis — who was in charge of catering — get swamped by other nations, excitedly commenting on the quality of the food that comes from their homes (“You ordered tamales!”; “The injera with wat tastes exactly like it should!”). Alice imagines herself in their shoes — walking into a Christmas party for the first time without the sensation of intruding into an event that feels alien, and strange, and blatantly White European; but something more comforting and familiar — Christmas as it is truly celebrated by their own citizens, with a twist infusing local customs with the spirit of Christmas.

And once again, Alice becomes aware of all the faces looking out at her, still hidden behind the drapes that she and Francis had hastily put up before the party. The faces that she had etched in a manic state, bearing witness to what her Empire had taken away, and what it still has to give back, even if it no longer exists anymore.

Alice knows, as one of America’s poets say, that she contains multitudes. That she is many different people all at once; and that some part of her will always be sick with the desire to hoard, and to possess and to conquer. And she will always be responsible for the mistakes that she has made, and the cruelties that she has inflicted. Not just by reining in the darker side of her personality, but also actively trying to make it up to other nations. She thinks of all the ghosts that drift about her mind and Francis’, that appear in their dreams and their nightmares. And decides that it’s okay that the two of them will always be haunted by the past. Maybe both she and Francis have grown, enough for their souls to buzz alive both with these ghosts and the magic of the world.

Especially when they can find a bit of magic in each other, in how they’re both trying to change for the better, and make amends for past wrongs. Alice takes another look at her co-host, who catches her gaze, and smiles back at her. Francis is beautiful like that, with the lights glinting off his hair, and his eyes sparkling with conviviality. It’s definitely more than enough to dull the memories of when those eyes and hair reminded her more of swords and lightning. Certainly soft enough to draw her back to the earliest and brightest days, when it was just the two of them — tiny nations against the world; to start telling their story from there, and blur out the times when they were less than civil with each other; as her eyes trace a line from his blue, blue eyes...down the ridge of his nose...to his red, red lips...

Suddenly, the room bursts into an uproar, snapping the both of them out of the reverie with a jerk. Alice barely makes out the words, “Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” being chanted by the entire room. She looks up and sees a single sprig of mistletoe, innovatively and skillfully catapulted exactly above their heads, with just enough sticky foodstuff smeared onto it so it’s stuck to the ceiling.  

“Seriously?” Alice shouts. Amelia, the literal incarnation of the devil, whoops and waves, shouting, “Merry Christmas, enjoy your gift.” Everyone else cheers, bending over in laughter.

Francis laughs too, before turning to her and asking, “Well, shall we give it a go?”

“If you insist,” Alice replies, blushing. Before Francis has a chance to respond, she cups one side of his cheek with a gentle hand and kisses him.

It’s a sweet, chaste kiss. There’s a flutter in her chest, and she feels a thrill pass through the both of them. At the back of her mind she registers Amelia letting out an earsplitting whoop — really, Alice, will have to strangle her later —   but for the most part she’s absorbed in the feeling of Francis’ soft lips against hers, the intoxicating scent of Francis’ cologne tickling her nose. Then Francis’ tongue makes a quick swipe at her lips — and well maybe the American deserves to live a little longer, if her nosiness leads to this…...

They part for air, smiling so hard their cheeks hurt. By all means, Alice considers this a damned good kiss. Especially, when it’s framed by the applause of the rest of the world, giving them their blessings.

It feels like a great start. The both of them are no longer hegemons looking down upon the rest of the earth. Instead, they’re living shoulder to shoulder with the rest of the world, living and loving in a House that has transformed from a trophy room collecting dust, to a place where all the world feels at home.

Now, as the centerpiece of the the drawing room in the House, there is still a map of the world.

But this time it’s a little smaller, with no imperial flags, or red markings. It does not come with battle plans on how to pillage and conquer.

It is simply one of those scratch maps sold in curio shops, where you’re supposed to use a coin, and scratch

It’s a honeymoon gift Amelia and Madeline got for Francis and Alice.

These days, nations have a tendency to crowd around it, and point to different locations, suggesting that Francis and Alice go there next.

“Try coming to India,” Indira tells the two of them. “Don’t just come for the Taj Mahal. The Ajanta caves are as much, if not more impressive. And there are many more sights to see South of India, that tourists usually miss out.”

“Try coming to China,” Yao Wang badgers them. “The West Lake in Hangzhou is a classic. Also I’m sure you know our food is amazing”

At this the two of them usually laugh, and protest a little, reminding the others that they’re still nations with duties; they don’t have so much time and money to go sightseeing all the time.

But at least, when they’re too cash-strapped to catch the snow-peaked caps of Mt Fuji, they’ll settle for sharing a cup of vanilla ice cream. When there’s not enough time to relax to the sound of the waves kissing the shore, they’ll listen to the ebb and flow to the rhythm of each other’s voices. When they’re together, Alice feels like she’s already won the world entire.

At this, the tendrils of want and desire that have always wrapped around Alice’s heart deaden, and relax their hold.