#oh that was an experience
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i didn't have "i'm broken" teenage asexual angst i had "i'm literally being the only reasonable one about this concept and the rest of you are behaving like fucking freaks" perception issues
#oh the experience of being 13 years old and seeing all my friends talking about wanting to have sex and obsessing over it#and being like 'we are all literally WAY too young to be having sex what the actual fuck are you talking about#why are you even considering it when we have much more important things to worry about. like how much middle school sucks'#you know what though. i still stand by this. that was an entirely reasonable thought to have and i WAS being normal about it#anyway#mine#asexuality
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Post-Grand-Fest feels…
#no my style didn’t change mid-comic shh#in my defense it went from silly haha to oh the feels#anyways. Grandfest!!! what an experience!!!#still happy we won the popularity vote & 2nd place man#off the hook means so much to me waaa#i’m sure they’re living it up anyways despite the loss#i’m glad I was able to draw this out for them even if it’s sketchy#off the hook#pearl houzuki#marina ida#pearlina#splatoon fanart#my art
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the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.
sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.
you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.
it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.
but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.
they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.
they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.
barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.
and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.
but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.
they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!
this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.
#this shifts gender so much bc it actually affects everyone#yes it's a gendered phenomenon. i have written a LOT about how different genders experience it. that's for a different post.#writeblr#ps my comments about seeing someone cry -- this is not to shame any person#and on this blog we support workers.#at the same time it's a really hard experience to see someone that looks like you. clearly in agony. and have them forced to keep going.#when you're young it doesn't necessarily look like acting. it looks scary. and that's what this is about - the fact that teens#have likely already been exposed to that definition of things. because the internet exists#and without the context of healthy education. THAT is the image burned into their minds about what it looks like.#it's also just one of those personal nuanced biases -#at 19 i thought it was normal to be in pain. to cry. to not-like-it. that it should be perfunctory.#it was what i had seen.#and it didn't help that my religious upbringing was like . 'yeah that's what you get for premarital. but also for the reference#we do think you should never actually enjoy it lol'#so like the point im making is that ppl get exposed to that stuff without the context of something more tender#and assume .... 'oh. so it's fine i am not enjoying myself'. and i know they do because I DID.#he was my first boyfriend. how was i supposed to know any different#i didn't even have the mental wherewithal to realize im a lesbian . like THAT used to suffering.
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wanted this more than anything in the world but alas it was $650
#submission#shiftythrifting#thrifting#from portland btw#seeing it was an unparalleled experience. but $650 is absolutely insaneeeeee#oh if I was absurdly wealthy….she’d be with me now#gay oils#signs#we love the gay oils here#or
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this was the experimental doodle lying in my folders for quite a while lol
#i finally got to colour it in haha#the flow-y kind of artstyle is really fun to experiment with cause his body shapes are kind of defined while also being relaxed in a way#either way i loved how he turned out lol#hes my little scrimblo#fnaf sb#sundrop#fnaf#five nights at freddy's security breach#five nights at freddy's#fnaf security breach#fnaf 9#my art#doodle#oh yea that little sun stays in there too he was my colour ref#pats him
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Drew the Lamb, Narinder, and the Follower Bishops.
Some close ups.
#cult of the lamb#cotl lamb#cotl narinder#cotl leshy#cotl heket#cotl kallamar#cotl shamura#cotl referenced sheet#my stuff#my art#was gonna do more head canon writing but it is very hard to type with fake nails on#oh the things I sacrifice for prom#they do look very nice though#so it might be worth it#it was at least a very fun mother daughter bonding experience :D
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I'm sorry but if Sami people can be understood as other-than-white and lighter featured First Nations people can be understood as other-than-white and individuals of our sisters the Romani when similarly afflicted by melanin deficiency can be understood as other-than-white....
Your classification of Jews, who span the whole gamut of color but share the racialization and experience of being othered among any majority, including whiteness in the north/west, is only further evidence of your racism. Because in doing so you continue to perpetuate double standards for Jewish people, which is dangerous when merged with perspectives that view whiteness as a merit signifier. Not that our identity isn't a fair bit older than this pretty reductive view, but
Regardless, I'll remind that the minority indigenous groups I mentioned are in the context of a white majority, but white people do not have a monopoly on colonialism. Plenty of people don't want to be called Arab in MENA and plenty of people aren't sure that they'd classify themselves as Chinese or Russian in the sense that the West views national identity. But that kind of nuance probably isn't something I should bother with if we haven't made it past point 1.
#jumblr#jewish#colonialism#imperialism#solidarity#fun fact i am So Pale in winter and assumed to be southeast asian or latina in the summer which is an interesting thing to compare#my dad is assumed lebanese usually#my brother is a redhead sort of but tans so folks are just confused but the red hair means hes usually on the euro side of assumptions#but that goes out the window when they realize oh shit this man is jewish#depends where you are#just like..... race#its almost like it only exists as a social construct and as lived experiences#you know like the way it affects Jews
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a redraw of the first drawing i posted here to celebrate the fact that ive been in tumblr for more than a whole year posting my shit and havent deleted my blog in panic yippee \:D/ (mushy rant in tags)
#i realised too late that it has been more than a fuking year (august 9)#and for context: ive had 3 different intagram art accounts and i deleted all 3 of them a few months before creating them. anxiety amiright#here it has been so different bc people are so nice??? it has been a pretty plesant experience here w all of u really#im so glad to have found myself in such a wonderful part of the fandom and amazing mutuals that i never talk to bc im shit w texting#the atention has been overwhelming ngl. i have over 2000 followers which. holy fuck???#it doesnt feel like a real number and for my own sake im nnot gonna treat it as one#like i apreciate the support and ppl liking what i do but im not here to make number go big yk? im here to connect w other humans#and yall have been amazing humans ^^ thank u for all the wonderful tags and comments and the support overall#it has been so cool sharing my art and finding other artist whom i respect oh so very much. some of them even follow me back wtf#i hope to continue being here for as long as i can and keep growing as an artist and sharing that process with other without fear#also my amy redesign actually goes so hard idk why i forgot about it nxnfbcncb#sth#sonic fanart#sonic#amy rose#nov.aart#nov.junk
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They watched Trolls 3 one time and the house has been filled with 80s/90s music ever since
Dust secretly likes it but he prefers to listen to it on his own <3
Killer belongs to RahafWabas
Dust belongs to Ask-DustTale
Horror belongs to Sour-Apple-Studios
Nym belongs to me
Non blurred variations below cause I like them too hehe ->
#this may or may not be based on my experience#fame is such a good song im sorry#oh and since ive never stated it before Nym does live with the gang :]#undertale#undertale au#underverse#peps ocs#utmv#undertale sans au#sans au#undertale multiverse#nym#nym sans#dust sans#killer sans#horror sans#bad sanses#artpepkin#trolls#trolls 3
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what i feel like is lacking from conversations about plurality is how genuinely, fundamentally cool it is to be plural. doesnt it fascinate you how our brains can create entirely new selves, inner worlds, inner structures to keep itself afloat? doesnt it make you so curious? especially with regards to atypical plural experiences. i dont hate people for having entire systems full of fragments or fictives or subsystems. in fact, i find it wonderful, a miracle of the mind. you have a complicated inner world with unique lore? incredible, how did that develop? your entire system is full of fictives from the same source? thats amazing, hows that going? your system has entire layers on itself, with several systems running in tandem? wow, thats fascinating, how did you know? you believe you came from different worlds? tell me about them. please, tell me more about yourselves. id love to hear it. i do not fear the potential of the human brain.
#💙 cass#💿 red#<- typing#pluralgang#endo safe#endogenic#traumagenic#median system#multiple system#plural discussion#being a complicated plural doesnt scare me i find it beautiful#oh and btw before you say something stupid: yes this extends to people with hallucinations and delusions as well.#we extend this to all mental experiences. the mind is fascinating#approaching mental experiences with intrigue instead of disgust would open so many avenues for us as a species#but noooo yall are too busy upholding capitalist ideals. barf
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award winner for worst father in the history of television
#binged through the whole show in two days and oh boy#what an experience#so here are some late night clay sketches#i am not immune to getting invested in the lives of clay puppets#moral orel#clay puppington#fanart#moral orel fanart#lasagoofs
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Fuck it. Crochet cartilaginous stingray skeleton
#id in alt#that’s enough hairpin lace experimenting for now I think akskdk. fucked around found out my work here is done#it’s not anatomically accurate but it’s not like. wildly Inaccurate either we are middle of the road as always. love that for me. anyways#she’s my baby <3333#crochet#amigurumi#fiber arts#hairpin lace#my work#i think this qualifies as amigurumi??? I’m not actually sure. oh well taxonomic difficulties are a rite of passage
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Sometimes, it's lonelier when you're in a crowd you can't understand. Elesa, who struggles with the language divide and being hard of hearing, solves this by simply refusing to engage.
BONUS! The twins did not get their starters yet. They think Elesa’s so cool and stoic. This is a hilarious misunderstanding.
Want something funnier? Here's my submas masterpost!
#art#pokemon#sketchbook#submas#myart#fanart#pokemon elesa#gym leader elesa#comic#hearing aids#the over seas experience— not know what the HECK people are saying to you#now with the additional nightmare of auditory issues!#oh elesa. i cant wait for you to meet your emotional support muppets.#web comic#blitzle#oops!#angst#nimbasa trio#emmet#ingo#elesa
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we were sitting on the floor and i was cutting out tiny pictures to make a collage for a friend's birthday. you were on your phone and you laughed about something, and i was still in love with you then, so i asked what had you giggling.
"sorry. i was just..." you took a moment and went back to texting. "i was telling someone about how you're afraid of the dark."
i'm afraid of the dark because something bad happened. "oh." i felt a little slinky of shame crawl down my throat.
you glanced up, and maybe it showed on my face, because you rolled your eyes and held the phone to the side casually so i could see the group chat. "what? was it a secret?"
i looked down to the scissors in my hand. "i just..." no, it's not a secret. it just felt like something private, something serious. saying why would you tell someone that just feels like an accusation. it's unfair. i honestly am not even ashamed of it, it's just a fact about my person that i don't usually share.
what a strange experience. is this a human thing or a generational thing? for our grandparents: did they need to worry about how quickly someone can just... share your personal information? again, i didn't even really have a true objection. what could i say? i want any person in my life to feel they can be honest with their friends. it's not like i said don't tell anyone this.
i cut out another letter to complete the rainbow happy birthday, started hunting for the exclamation mark. i heard you sigh dramatically.
"don't make a big deal about this," you said.
this entire conversation was a pattern for us, and this was when we got to my least favorite part of the pattern. i would get my feelings hurt in some oblique not-technically-terrible way, and then it would be making a big deal about something. you'd get frustrated for me for being soft, but i was born soft. you knew i was soft when you pierced me. it's one of the things that made controlling me so easy.
"i'm not," i felt my voice crack. the question came without my wanting. "why are you guys talking about me?" and why are you saying that thing? why not like - i'm telling them how you're generous and kind and pretty.
you let out this low, tragic groan. "oh my god." you tossed the phone away from your body. "there, see? i just won't talk to them if you don't like it."
the rest of the hour went the way it always went, between us: i said i don't actually mind if you talk to your friends but -, you found a way to call my minor expression of discomfort "being dramatic." you got upset that i had been offended. i ended up apologizing, even though i hadn't actually done anything.
afterwards, you picked up the phone again. after texting for a little bit, you snorted. "okay," you said, "but it is kind of funny you're afraid of the dark. i mean, when you think about it."
#spilled ink#writeblr#i'm trying to write about this really specific and wierd new experience#that i think is specific to the internet generation#where people you trust can just... say whatever??? and while most people are trustworthy#sometimes they'll just like... put ur shit out there????#and the thing is that sometimes it's GOOD - i want you to tell ppl if ur partner is being cruel!!!!!#i want u to be like ''hey is it normal if xyz happens'' ... but stuff like ''she's afraid of the dark''#PARTICULARLY when it's CLEARLY making fun of me....#what is the point of that.#this is huge and complicated and happens outside of romantic relationships too btw#like someone u thought of as a friend will be like . oh did u know she's scared of heights and it's like.#girl why are u fuckin doing that tho?#it's not a SECRET i just ...???????????????????????#and i think that gross feeling of like -- ''i can't REALLY be upset bc there's not a TRUE RULE about this....''#it's just not something talked about. bc it's so specific and yet so complex#bc how could i say like '' this is a violation of trust'' when it... technically I GUESS isn't????????????#idk maybe im just like super sensitive but please tell me in the comments/tags/etc if this is#something u have experienced (a trusted person like spreading ur shit) and if u were cool with it
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had an identity crisis, prime time for a slight sona redesign!
it's cow! (again!)
+ a closeup because i'm really proud of the eyes
#i felt really extremely disconnected from cow and was like welp. time to make new fursonas#and made like four drafts before drawing cow with short hair and going 'oh.'#i ...... just need a hair cut. so i gave my fursona a haircut while i'm waiting to go#fucking. SADGE that im redesigning it so soon after its last ref but#shrugs#i do not control the heightened emotions about fursona and what it means to me#also there's a lot of experiments in this piece!! new brushes new coloring techniques new style of ref#loooots and lots of alts over on my ponytreon#my art#furry#fursona#anthro#oc#cow#cattle#oc: cow#bovine#ref#ref sheet#reference#i tried like...7 other palettes before just taking the old one and tweaking it and now i rllllllllly like it :03#i just needed less pastels/contrast and more soft/desaturated tones...who woulda thunk#(it's everyone. everyone wouldve thunk. i <3 desaturated tan tones)
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um ok cool thanks for letting me know .... why are you telling me this
#yeah so on todays episode of guys who cant communicate their affections normally :#THIS IS THE ONLY WAY I CAN DESCRIBE IT. I WANT TO EXPAND AND I WILL MAYBE. BUT THIS COMIC IS HOW THEY ARE IN MY HEAD#I CANT EXPLAIN IT IN ANY OTHER WAY OTHER THAN SHITPOSTS#for some reason i cant stop making shitposts that i take 100% seriously and put alot of thought into but cant say it in any other#form than a stupid shitpost#im hoping. praying that someone gets this#WHATEVER. YOULL GET IT WHEN I DO THE DAMN THING I WAS MEANT TO BE WORKING ON WHEN I WAS DOING THIS#OH ALSO I EXPERIMENTED WITH SCARS ON LAIOS because i saw someone else do it and i think its cool#chilaios#fucking sure ill put this in the other tags too#chilchuck#laios#thats it#otherwise ill get embarassed#guhhh DO YOU GET IT DO YOU UNDERSTAND MEEE
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