#oh shit. vent below i guess
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people should show their first drawings/animatics/writings more often. I won't do it but you guys definitely should
#/j of course#oh shit. vent below i guess#but i think my perfectionism was only amplified by like#looking up to artists who are similar age to me who i can't see the first creations of#bcs they prolly started eg. animating when they were like 11 on flipaclip or smth#and now subconciously i have this impression that even my first tries need to have something good in them#i dont know. i dont know how this works#i literally never properly learnt how to learn new things and accept failure#and whenever something i create makes me feel bad i can't handle it and i quit entirely#so like essentially 'trust the process' doesnt. exist for me. if it makes me feel like it's bad i die#i know that many people struggle with it but just. even that feels like im often worse than them#reads a vent post comic someone made abt this issue knowing i wouldnt even manage to draw anythin close to said vent comic</3#'progress is going to come to you eventually' my brother in christ WHEN.#when. i am already so fucking behind. not only on my skills because that would be fine#i am behind in KNOWING HOW TO HANDLE IMPROVING MY SKILLS.#that's a basic fucking life function. life fucking sucks ass and i am not equipped with being able to handle it.
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So I've calmed down. After today's events I find myself even more vindicated in my hatred for my family, but that's neither here nor there. I'm not trying to vent so often on this blog (feels too oversharey), so instead I'll let y'all know that my birthday is in two weeks! Specifically the 24th. So that's cool.
#unma rambles#ignore the tags below I was only going to mention the uni stuff and then things just kinda started rolling out and now it feels like a-#waste to delete them#I'll be heading to uni on the 22nd for orientation on the 23rd though#so that's another year in a row of depressing shit happening around my birthday#at least this time it's something somewhat good (uni) and not my dad shipping me off to a camp I insisted I didn't want to go to#to the point that he forcibly packed my things and made it so I couldn't go back home otherwise that Sunday#which I still haven't forgiven him for#(man every time I think about them I remember something that makes me hate my parents. funny how that works.#It's almost like there's nothing good to remember)#fyi the uni is a christian university that requires attending service for credits which is why I'm not happy#reminder: I'm agnostic but was raised christian in a christian family#and an acquaintance from church is also going to that uni. and attending the same course#which isn't the end of the world but I can't help but feel bummed out#because I just know someone's gonna use her to see how I'm doing since I never answer phone calls#wow I said I wouldn't vent but here I am#tbf my reaction to this is more disappointment and mild annoyance than the depressive spirals I used to deal with#so I guess that means I'm improving#or that it's not big enough of a problem for it to trigger that#oh well#all of this means I'm not exactly looking forward to my birthday but I've never looked forward to one since I was 10#so that's just typical at this point#hm come to think of it the camp thing isn't the only thing that happened near my birthday and resulted in depressive spirals huh#kinda sounds to me like my birthdays have just sucked#at best they were meh and at worst they sucked to the point I look forward to one where nothing happens at this point#that happened once#my birthday had nothing done for it because of reasons (I don't blame my parents for this they had valid reasons to do so)#and I just forgot about it#the tags of my post that was supposed to be about my birthday was not where I expected to unpack my shitty experiences with past birthdays#but here I am I guess
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Disjointed DAtVG feelings/opinions
I've played the game for a bit, I'm not too far in yet, and honestly? I hope it gets better. Spoilers & venting below as you might guess.
Everything seems to be tell, don't show. There's very, VERY little trust in the player. Characters happen upon a ruined village? "The village is ruined! There's no one here!" Yes, we can see that. Character looks upset? Text pops up on screen to tell you that IN FACT!! Character is upset. Couldn't have guessed.
Everything is explained out loud immediately, except the arguably actually important things. If I remember correctly, there's no mention of the 10 year (?) timeskip from DAI, everyone just now knows everything about elven magic and the Fade and the Veil EXCEPT FOR THE PLAYER. None of that is explained! New players are expected to just know, which in some games works, but when you throw characters into a magical forest and say it's Arlathan forest, how tf are they supposed to know what Arlathan is.
Why is Varric a brunette all of a sudden
Characterisation of returning characters is fucking wild. Fun, jokey Harding? Massive chip on her shoulder and real aggressive for some reason. Soft-spoken and measured Solas? Yelling, again, for some damn reason. Where is his iambic pentameter? And he hates blood magic all of a sudden?? Did the writers play the earlier games at all? Solas SPECIFICALLY says in DAI that blood magic has no morality to it and is merely a tool.
The game is linear to the extent that I cannot for the life of me see the point of the game asking you to wrap up unfinished business before moving forward. What unfinished business? You've locked us into a small room with 0 exits and 1 chest. There is no business.
So far there's been zero time for any of the story to breathe. There are no story beats, because the drum machine that is the pacing just keeps hammering on. The gravity of the situation has no time to set in for anyone. THE ACTUAL GODS OF MYTH HAVE BEEN BUST OUT OF GOD-JAIL. THIS IS A HUGE FUCKING PROBLEM. "Yeah, well, people would've died if Solas hadn't been stopped from tearing down the Veil." And this is preferable???? What the actual fuck. DAI Solas wanted to rebuild and to safe-guard his people. TWO of the people he wanted to PROTECT EVERYONE FROM are now out. But oh man, that Solas, he would've hurt folks. You think the wondertwins won't? Jesus fucking Christ.
The gameplay more or less just completely scraps character classes. Playing a mage rn and for some damn reason she has separate ranged attacks. What the actual fuck. What is the point of making people choose a class if a damn mage has to stand next to enemies to attack?
So far doesn't feel like an RPG at all. Starts in media res which is fine, but your character is already established as a cool hero and an important figure. Why? Why weren't we along for that ride?
Character movement is janky af, DAI was much smoother 10 damn years ago. Hopefully they'll somehow manage to fix it.
Either they needed better actors or a much better voice director, because holy shit is the dialogue awkward and halting and just... no.
Writers have clearly had shoes far too large to fill. Dialogue wants to be funny and witty and clever. It is not. Specially not with the phoned in voice acting.
Where have my Welsh/Irish elves gone? Wtf happened there? Also why wasn't there anyone around to tell the actors how to pronounce the elvhen words??
Why the fuck is the rogue our healer.
All quests so far have been walking from A to B, collecting some coins along the path, and then fighting 5 or 10 enemies. No variation at all.
Idk man, I really hope the game will find its legs as it goes on, but so far? Massively underwhelming and honestly quite disappointing. Absolutely does not feel like DA. People critisised DA2 for being rushed and DAI for a whole host of shit, but at least I felt like I was playing a Dragon Age game.
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Why, hello! Okay, I needed a break from other things, so I decided to finish this thingy. Nobody stopped me, so there you have it, haha ;)
Insomniac neighbors AU (:D) Comedy of sort? Who knows.
Jake/MC, and Richy (mentioned),
warnings: none, I think
little over 3k words.
Read below or on Ao3.
Quiet was the night.
The faint murmurs of the city seeped through the open window, blending seamlessly with the gentle hum of his computer. The soft glow emanating from the screen delicately illuminated the room without overpowering the senses.
Outside, the city was sleeping. He sat alone, relishing in the tranquility around him. With a soft exhale, he allowed his eyelids to drift shut, surrendering to the serene stillness. A perfect way to spend the sleepless night.
His bliss did not last long, though.
The tranquility he had just savored shattered like fragile glass as a series of loud thumps resounded from the apartment above, rudely intruding upon his peace. Rhythmic. Regular. Purposeful. It was as if someone—or something—was relentlessly pounding against the wall.
With a frustrated click of his tongue, he glanced upward, his thoughts already swirling with annoyance. This wasn't the first time, oh no. It was the third consecutive night of such disturbances. Three damn nights in a row, his sanctuary invaded by these unwelcomed noises. And, as the noise persisted, irritation simmered within him, threatening to boil over.
Because the nights, the nights were meant to be his and his alone.
He closed his eyes once more in a futile effort to block out the noise. Yet, the relentless thumping persisted, refusing to be ignored.
Fine. Enough was enough.
With a sudden jolt, he stood up, the chair he had been sitting on spinning and nearly tipping over as he strode purposefully toward the door. He paid little heed to the possibility of disturbing his neighbors' intimate moments. Ready to demand they screw their bed to the wall, or simply screw each other elsewhere, he stepped into the hallway, slamming the door behind him. Without any hesitation, he began climbing the stairs two at a time. Before he could even start second-guessing his decision, he found himself knocking firmly on the door of the apartment directly above his own.
The thumping stopped immediately. For a brief moment, there was silence, then the sound of footsteps approaching.
Just as the door began to creak open, he wasted no time in venting his frustration. "Finally! I don't know if you even realize, but it's the fucking middle of the night and—oh, shit."
A step backward was his immediate reaction upon seeing the woman before him. It wasn't just the anger etched in her eyes, nor the furrowed brows and crossed arms that silenced him. No, it was the startling sight of her—all covered in red stains. From her shirt to her hands, even her face, she resembled a character straight out of a slasher movie. And when she casually wiped her sweaty forehead, leaving behind a conspicuous streak of crimson, his shock only deepened.
"Uh-huh. It's the middle of the night. And?" she sighed, seemingly unfazed by her unsettling appearance. "Do you need something? You're the one standing in my doorway, yelling."
“What the h–hell…” Stupefied, he could only manage a dumbfounded gesture, pointing incredulously at her with both of his hands, his eyes widening.
Her frown deepened at his reaction, but it was only after a moment that she glanced down at herself and her hands, noticing the streaks of red. With an amused scoff and a roll of her eyes, she dismissed his alarm.
"Oh. It's paint, genius. I'm painting," she casually fixed a lone strand of hair that had fallen onto her forehead with her fingers stained red. "If I were a murderer, I'd be more careful. Don’t you think?"
His breath caught in his throat as he registered her words, a wave of relief washing over him.
"Well, I suppose I'd rather confront a murderer, then!" he retorted, his voice regaining its composure. "At least I wouldn't have to deal with the constant banging on the walls at night, it seems. What the hell are you even doing?"
"I already told you, I'm painting," she shot back, her narrowed eyes fixing him with a glare. "And, excuse me, but aren't you that loud guy living in the apartment under me? The one who slams his doors no matter what, and always blocks my bike with his?"
"Am I? Well, maybe because your pretty urban bike with that ridiculously huge basket always takes up two spaces, mine included," he countered. "Learn to park, maniac. It’s not that hard! And keep it down! I’m trying to work!"
The young woman's laughter echoed through the hallway, genuine and hearty. "Unbelievable. And what are you doing at night that my painting bothers you so much, huh?"
"None of your fucking business what I do," he barked, jabbing an accusatory finger in her direction. "It's quiet hours, so either you stop banging on the walls or I'll report you. And then your bike!"
"Damn asshole," she hissed, her grip tightening on the door handle.
"At your service," he replied with a mocking bow, a smirk playing on his lips. "Have a good night, psycho. Red does not suit you, by the way."
Whether or not she heard his parting words remained uncertain, as she promptly slammed the door shut in his face. Fuming with anger, he turned on his heel, ready to storm back to his place. But as he reached the door and patted his pocket, a sinking feeling settled in the pit of his stomach.
"Oh, for fuck's sake, you’ve got to be kidding…" he muttered aloud, his hand coming up empty. He grabbed the doorknob, even though he knew it was a futile gesture without his keys.
Could he be that stupid? Could he really leave his apartment with nothing, not even his damn phone?
Apparently, he could.
With a frustrated grunt, he considered banging his forehead against the door in a fit of vexation but quickly dismissed the idea as both stupid and potentially painful.
And definitely loud.
Left with no other option, he reluctantly decided to seek help from the landlord. He cursed his luck because, of course, the landlord lived right next door to that dreadful neighbor who could easily pass for a murderess in the right lighting. Nevertheless, he really didn't like the idea of spending the rest of the night stranded in the hallway.
This time he climbed the stairs with deliberate steps, determined to handle the situation with a little more finesse. Walking to door number 33, he knocked softly, hoping the guy, by some miracle, wasn’t sleeping yet. Or was already awake. Whatever was closer.
Yet, the silence that greeted him was quite deafening. Undeterred, he knocked once more, this time with slightly more force.
His heart skipped a beat as the door behind him creaked open, and a familiar voice broke the silence. "What happened? Is the landlord too noisy, too?"
He spun on his heels, fingers clenching into tight fists at his sides. "Mind your own business, huh?" he retorted, frustrated.
The young woman chuckled, pausing in her task of wiping away the stubborn red streak of paint from her face with a damp towel. "Richy's out for the night," she informed him, nodding toward the landlord’s apartment. "Whatever you need from him, it'll have to wait until morning."
"Well, isn't that just fucking perfect," he growled, more to himself than to her.
Her laughter bubbled louder at his exasperation, head tilting slightly in amusement. Quickly, she covered her mouth, though, mindful of the late hour and not wanting to disturb the neighbors further.
"Let me guess, genius," she remarked with a hint of amusement, her smile softening. "You locked yourself out. A smarty-pants like you? Aww, that’s so sad…" Her lips pursed in mock sympathy as she tried to wipe her hands of the remnants of red paint.
He snorted in response but remained silent. With determined strides, he made his way towards the stairs, fully prepared to spend the night wandering the city until morning. Passing her by without so much as a glance, he was about to descend when she called out to him.
"Okay, wait a minute," her voice caused him to pause mid-step. "I think I can help you out."
“No, thanks,” he snorted, turning to her, “You just want to gloat at my misfortune.”
Her eyes sparkled with mischief as she shook her head. "Maybe a little," she admitted playfully. "But you're the asshole here. I'm just the good-natured maniac whose pretty bike you keep blocking."
Her bluntness caught him off guard, and he regarded her with a mixture of surprise and skepticism. After a moment of contemplation, he let out a resigned sigh, realizing that he was indeed in a bit of a bind with very limited options.
"Come in, will you?" she urged when he didn’t respond. "I'll go get some tools."
"Tools?" he echoed, but she had already vanished inside, leaving him with no choice but to follow.
After a moment or two, he sighed and cautiously crossed the threshold of her apartment, his eyes scanning the space to locate where she had gone. The layout of the place mirrored his own, a spacious studio with an open living area. However, the differences in décor were quite obvious—unfinished paintings leaned against the walls, an easel stood in one corner with a canvas in progress, and sheets of paper littered various surfaces, each with vibrant splashes of color. The faint smell of fresh paint lingered in the air, and somehow it wasn't unpleasant at all.
On the floor in the further corner of the room, his gaze landed on a toolbox, its lid slightly ajar. Beside it lay a hammer and a small painting, only partially framed.
The culprit of the noise.
"Hey, what did you mean by tools–" he started, his voice trailing off as he took a few steps toward the bedroom, only to freeze in place.
She had already taken off her paint-stained flannel shirt and was in the process of pulling a red t-shirt over a snug tank top, the fabric clinging to her figure a little too perfectly. He felt a pang of unease, suddenly aware of his accidental intrusion into her personal space.
He barely had a moment to process his embarrassment before she turned around with a smile as she noticed him there, her laughter hitting his ears. Then, with a playful shake of her head and a casual run of her fingers through her messy dark hair, she made her way back into the living room.
"So you're not just an asshole, but a voyeur, too?" she teased, her tone surprisingly light given the circumstances. "What a combination!"
"S–sorry," he mumbled, feeling a flush of embarrassment color his cheeks as he looked away. "I didn't mean to. I was just–" He clicked his tongue in frustration, struggling to find the right words. "In my defense, you disappeared, and I just wanted to–"
“Relax, eh? Let's open your door,” she interjected, her laughter cutting through his stumbling explanation as she patted him on the shoulder and moved toward a large toolbox.
"What? H–how?" he stammered stupidly, his gaze following her movements as she crouched next to the box, her fingers deftly rummaging through its peculiar contents.
"Yeah, well… Have you ever taken a closer look at me or my apartment?" she quipped, a wry lift of her eyebrow accentuating her point. "I'm the absolute embodiment of forgetfulness and scatterbrained tendencies, in case you haven't noticed. How many times do you reckon I've accidentally slammed that darn door and found myself locked out? Those locks might seem sturdy, but truth be told, they're quite easy to pick…"
He snorted in disbelief. "Wait, wait, hold on... Are you seriously thinking about picking my lock?"
"Why not?" she shrugged casually, as if it were the most natural suggestion in the world.
He opened his mouth to make a cutting remark, but found himself at a loss for words.
"Yup. You're crazy. I'm leaving," he declared, raising his hands in resignation as he turned towards the door.
“Well. Good luck, then!” she chuckled skeptically, waving to him with a small, thin screwdriver and what looked like a hairpin. “I hope your doormat is comfortable… You should know that Richy is on a date, and I guess it went very well, so I have no idea what time he'll be back. Might as well be late in the afternoon. Or in the evening.”
He paused, a mix of disbelief and fascination flickering across his face as he turned back to look at her. Despite the paint smudges and the aura of chaos surrounding her, there was a peculiar glint in her eyes that felt oddly genuine and dependable. Bold. Daring.
"This can’t be happening…” he muttered, his fingers instinctively finding their way to pinch the bridge of his nose.
She only chuckled further, “If it makes you feel any better, the first time it took me about 3 hours to get inside.”
“So you've… really done this before?" he inquired tentatively.
She burst into laughter, her amusement almost contagious. "Yup. I do this every two weeks or so. My own door, of course! But don't let Richy in on my little secret. I just don’t want to bother him too much..."
He hesitated, uncertain whether to trust someone whose toolbox contained an eclectic mix of brushes, paints, and all variety of tools. As he pondered, his gaze drifted to the paintings adorning the walls behind her.
"Hey… Did you paint those yourself?" he asked, pointing to the colorful canvases, most of which were saturated in shades of red.
"Of course. Why do you ask? Want some proof?" she retorted, crossing her arms over her chest, the screwdriver still held loosely in her hand. “Or are you about to critique my masterpieces?”
"No, I just— I... I've seen similar ones. All over the city. In different places," he explained, his voice trailing off uncertainly.
Her brow furrowed in confusion, her gaze narrowing as she processed his words, rising from her spot on the floor. "You mean that street art?"
He fell silent for a moment, his eyes lingering on her still paint-splattered face. "Are they yours? They are, aren’t they?"
"Planning to report that too?" she shot back, a hint of sarcasm lacing her tone as she held his gaze. "Just like my bike and the alleged noise at night? You know you have no evidence for any of it!"
"No, it's not that," he chuckled, shaking his head. "I'm just curious. I really like those paintings. The ones in the city, I mean. I never would've guessed someone like you could be the artist behind them."
“I didn’t say I was.”
"Come on," he gestured towards the red figure on the canvas, "They're identical to the ones in the city. These simple, faceless cat-like characters doing all sorts of amazing little things. Cleverly hidden in various, unexpected places."
"No, they're most definitely not identical," she huffed, striding up to the painting. "Can't you see something's missing in mine?"
"Yes, those big eyes painted with thick black lines, right? Sometimes other details, too. Very distinctive."
"Distinctive my ass! They're just stupid doodles that someone painted on real things!" she retorted, her frustration evident as she gestured toward the artwork.
"Do you really think so? People seem to like them. Have you seen all those pictures all over the web? They got quite popular, at least in the city. They even got a name, what was it…" He rubbed his stubbled chin, trying to recall.
"Night Watchers," the woman sighed, resigned.
"Right," he grinned with an odd sense of satisfaction, "Night Watchers. I like it."
"Well, I don’t!" she snapped, pointing her sharp screwdriver at him once again. "Those doodles are crude and primitive. And so are those who paint them!"
"Fine, fine!,” he laughed, raising his hands in surrender. “You're strangely defensive here, and we're just talking about graffiti, you know? Are you sure they're not yours?"
"Forget it," she sighed, taking her keys and waving them in front of his nose. "Come on. I’ll get you and your arrogant ass home."
He opened his mouth to protest, but seeing her determination, he realized there was no point. Without hesitation, she strode down the corridor, and he hastened to follow.
As they reached his apartment door, the young woman wasted no time in kneeling down, her movements fluid and assured as she began to work on the lock. He watched her with a mix of fascination and disbelief, the scene unfolding before him like something out of a movie. Here he was, in the dead of night, entrusting a stranger with the task of breaking into his own home. and not just a stranger. It was a surreal moment, one he never could have anticipated.
"My name’s Charlie, by the way," she muttered suddenly, her voice cutting through the silence. Despite her focus on the task at hand, there was a hint of warmth in her tone. "You can tell me yours, or I can keep calling you an asshole. Whatever you prefer."
He snorted in slight disbelief, recalling the last name written on an intercom, “Okay, hold on. You want to tell me your name is Charlie Brown*?”
She turned to him, her expression serious and unfazed, “Charlie Brown. Got a problem with that?”
“No, it's…” he scratched his head, trying to contain his smile to a minimum, “It's just cut– curious. That's all. Fits an artist, I guess.”
“Uh-huh. So?” her gaze focused on the lock once more, “Do you want me to keep calling you an asshole?”
"Tempting," he conceded, leaning against the railing with a wry smile. "But my name is Jake."
“Well then, Jake…” Charlie's fingers danced over the lock, her touch deft and precise. With a soft click, the lock surrendered, and she pushed the door open. "Welcome home." Her grin was triumphant as she got up and gestured for him to enter.
“I'll consider this as compensation for disturbing my peace,” he sighed, stepping past her as he finally made his way back to his place. But then, as he glanced back at her, he nodded slowly. "Thank you, Charlie. You'd make a very good burglar."
“Yeah… No problem,” she rolled her eyes, “Suppose us insomniacs have to stick together. No matter how annoying you are.”
Jake’s shoulders shook with silent mirth, “Yes, well. It was… interesting to finally meet you, Charlie Brown. And you actually do look good in red… when it’s not all over you,” he casually pointed to her t-shirt.
“Screw you, Jake,” her eyes crinkled at the corners as she snorted at him, “See you around.”
He watched her vanish down the hallway, a smile lingering on his lips. Then, with a soft click, he closed the door behind him, careful not to make a sound.
. . ………………… . .
She came to an abrupt stop, her fingers tightening around her phone as she squinted at the grimy wall of the aging city building. Until quite recently, it had served as a canvas for her creativity. The playful red figure mid-jump over the rope – the cable swaying from the electrical box nearby.
Now, however, it was something entirely different.
Thick, bold lines appeared on her little masterpiece. A bike now dominated the scene, but not just any bike. It was a truly whimsical rendition, making the red figure no longer leaping but riding that damn bike with carefree abandon. A large basket adorned the front, and right in it—a brush, and a screwdriver.
And there were those eyes. Those unmistakable, big, doodle-like eyes.
A laugh had to leave her lips, disbelief and amusement fighting with each other, as she read the small writing underneath.
Coffee tonight?
J.
“That damn asshole…”
. . ………………….. . .
*You all probably know this well, but Charlie Brown is a character from the comic Peanuts :)
Thanks for reading! Leave a comment, share, let me know what you think ;) <3
#duskwood#duskwood fanfiction#duskwood jake#duskwood oneshot#jake x mc#MC's got a name because I can't do it otherwise
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DaveFarts - Episode 27 “Spicy Gas” [Episode List] Dave and Dana try to spice things up in their sexual life.
POV: Dave
Spicy Gas
Fuck, I’m freezing in this car.
It’s worth it though: I’m picking my girlfriend up from work and we’re going back to my place together. Tim (my bro and roommate) is out of town because of some needy client so, yeah, you know where this is going: a sexy, hot, movie night until we fall asleep on the couch.
When you’re past 30, this is considered a massive win.
It’s about 7:00 PM and I parked right where Dana asked me, in the mostly desert underground car park below the office building she works at. She works (usually overtime…) in a law firm and she’s as badass as she sounds; it’s a demanding job, though she’s up for it, as she told me many times without me asking and not in a nervous way at all.
Yes, she sounds stressed, but I know her, she’s got it, I’m here if she needs to vent. Sometimes that’s all you need and if it’s not, well, we’re just gonna talk abou- why is this car so cold?!
I hope Dana’s on her way ‘cause if she’s not she’s gonna find his boyfriend dead of hypothermia. Before picking her up, I made a quick stop to a fast food nearby to get some french fries on the fly, because my body may be a temple, but it’s a crumbling one. But not even junk food raised my body temperature.
This is how it ends, Dana, with your handsome boyfriend being murdered by this harsh, cold Winter in his own car, a coffin made of plastic and steel.
Truth is, I was bored and tired, so I was basically falling asleep, until I heard someone tapping on the car window right next to me. That made me jump, that always startle me for some reason… and she knows it very well, given the idiotic, beautiful smile on her face.
“Hey babe.” I said from inside the car, but she could barely hear me.
She walked around the vehicle and got inside, sitting on the passenger seat, next to me. We exchanged a quick peck on the lips and I then went for the keys to start the car.
“Wait, I need a moment.” Dana said, putting a hand on my shoulder.
She wasn’t mad nor sad, she just wanted to smoke a cigarette before leaving, all while she (as I said) vented about some co-worker acting like a bitch.
“‘Do not let Bennet know about it’ I told him and guess what he did?!”
“He… he told B-“
“He told her!” she had a puff of her cigarette. “Can you believe it? Now everyone knows we’re behind schedule because that idiot had to lick my boss’ ass.”
“Wow” I replied. I swear I’m listening, I’m just a bit on auto-pilot.
And freezing.
“And my boss… oh my boss, she got so mad, and rightfully so. We could handle the schedule, we do it all the time, but no! He had to rat us out like the kiss ass he is.”
“Is that him?” I said, casually glancing at some guy walking in the empty parking lot. “I can run him over if you want to.” I joked… and I hope she knows I’m joking.
“Yes, but don’t do anything, don’t move, don’t make any sound. He’s such a kiss ass that if he notices us he’ll come here to cha- I told you not to make a sound!” she said, almost laughing, as my enormous fart cut her off.
Yes, one of my usual farts, powered by those fries I got earlier (not that I need any particular fuel to rip a good one).
You all know what I’m capable of, my bro Tim definitely does.
I hate how warm it felt compared to the sheer cold of the car. My girl is very familiar with all of my talents, including this one. 7 seconds and I was done.
“Are you done shitting yourself?” she politely asked.
I leaned towards her and we exchanged another quick peck, but me moving meant that the gas trapped under my ass now was free to pollute the entire car.
“I’m your pig, remember?” I whispered.
“I literally never called you that.”
“Really? Must have been one of my other girlfriends then.” I joked.
She playfully slapped my shoulder and I sat back in front of the steering wheel, ready to start the car.
“Wait.”
“Oh please can we go home? I’m freezing.” I lamented.
“Just a minute…” she looked at me amused, but thoughtful. “There’s something I’d like to talk you about.” she put out her cigarette and put it in the ashtray.
“You okay?”
“Sure.” she replied, calmly.
A few seconds of silence followed. I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel, waiting for her to say something.
“I actually… do like when you’re a pig.” she smiled, but still being serious and calm about it.
I gave her and inquisitive, amused look.
“Don’t judge me.” she noticed my expression.
“I’m not judging you babe.” I said. “It’s our thing, we’re very open about what we like.”
“I know… you’re awesome.”
“Of course I am.” I confirmed, with a smug smirk, fully knowing how annoying I am.
“And I, too, am awesome, thank you very much.” she added, giving me a funny scolding glare.
We laughed it off.
“So what’s up, babe?” I genuinely asked. “You know my kinks...” I leaned closer to her. “What’s your dirty secret, Mrs. D?” I whispered, trying to act cool and sexy, but all I got was another playful slap on my shoulder.
“It’s not… what you did like a minute ago.” she said, gesturing towards me.
“Oh you mean this?” I pretended to push one more fart out, but this time I actually had nothing brewing (incredible, huh?). I was amused by her reaction though. “Just kidding.” I quickly said.
She actually laughed at that.
“You’re so nice and it’s not that I like you being disgusting but… dammit, I admit that… sometimes… when we do our thing… maybe I’d like you being a bit more… dirty.”
I let out a surprisingly nervous cackle.
“That’s it? You want to spice things up?” I asked, reaching for my phone. “Because I’m pretty sure Google can give us some tips.”
She calmly but firmly extended her arm towards me. She grabbed my phone and threw it in the backseat. She then put her left hand on my jeans-clad right leg.
“If you’re cold, Mr. D” it was Dana’s turn to whisper. “I know just the way to warm you up.”
That got me instantly aroused.
My girlfriend’s hand moved closer to my crotch, touching the tent I pitched between my legs.
“Oh… are you nervous?” she asked, gently caressing my boner, still in-character, whatever the character was.
I nodded.
Why did I nod? Am I an idiot?
With a deft movement, she untied my belt and her hand slipped right into my jeans and underwear, going straight for my hard cock.
As that happened, I let out a very short high-pitched scream, not because I wasn’t used to this, but because Dana’s hand was way colder than I was expecting. She broke character to laugh a bit at my very manly scream, then quickly went back into this femme fatale persona she was impersonating.
I was sweating.
But then I realized...
“Wait… r-right here?” I stuttered.
“Are you scared, Mr. D?” she asked. “Are you… too much of a nice guy for this?”
The fuck I am.
I grabbed her head and kissed her, her tongue going down my throat as she wrapped her cold fingers around my warm, throbbing cock.
I don’t know what was going down there… I mean I do know obviously, but the way Dana was moving her hand and fingers this time almost made me cum on the spot. She did in fact spice things up, so I guess I could do was return the favour... in my own personal way.
I sat back normally and spread my legs wide, my cock still being massaged, and ripped a loud, vibrating fart, a loud blast that made the entire vehicle shake. A quick 5 seconds rip which, weirdly enough, made Dana moan as she listened to it.
“You’re such a pig.” she scolded me, now literally strangling my cock, so much so that that I actually felt a bit of pain.
And I was loving the fuck out of that.
I saw a car passing by but the thought of them noticing us only made me harder.
I then ripped another big fart, because I’m the master of this shit. I could feel the vibrations of this one even on Dana’s hand as she jerked me off, something that she seemed to enjoy.
All of this was disgusting and yet we found it hot as fuck.
My girlfriend was as thirsty I was and finally managed to pull my cock out of my jeans.
“Oh there it is.” she said, leaning down to give it a quick lick. "Let me have it."
Not the first time we do this stuff obviously, but dammit that one move was indeed a dirty one. Pre-cum dripped down from the tip of my penis as I ripped another monstrous fart, the warm gas fogging up the car's windows. I was hot-boxing that whole place and my girlfriend didn’t care; instead she once again slipped her tongue down my throat.
“Time to sleep, pig.” she then whispered right into my hear, right before biting it.
After that, she strongly tightened her grip on my cock and then twisted it. I clenched my teeth as that happened, but the arousal that it gave me was insane.
That final move made me cum, a white fountain appearing between my legs as Dana bit my ear again.
That was quick… for my standards at least, but she didn’t seem to mind at all. Actually, she was a sweaty mess herself. She licked her lips and gave me a quick peck on my own.
“Try finding that on Google.” she said, as she sat back on her passenger seat.
As if the spirit of some femme fatale left her body, she turned to me and smiled, opening the car window by her side, now realizing how terrible my gas was.
“Yeah, fuck Google, ammirite?” literally the most unsexy thing I could have said.
She handed me some napkins to clean the mess. And a cigarette, which we shared.
“Still cold?” Dana asked me, once again giving me a certain look.
I started the car in response, then I turned to her, looking straight into her brown eyes.
I let out a loud, muffled fart that shook the seat, narrowing my eyes as I pushed it out. It was warm, it was vibrating through my jeans-clad ass. I winked at my girlfriend as the thunder kept going, something that she, against all odds, seemed to appreciate.
12 seconds, then my ass went silent.
“Are you?” I asked back to her, with a smirk.
The End
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Vent about crps
Crps is so weird. By the way i talk about my pain and how i walk slow, or always use my wheelchair, people assume its a sharp acute pain that hurts when you touch it, like tendinitis for example.
But its not. Its a burn. No, not like a work out burn like some people think, which i wouldn't even call a burn, strained muscles don't BURN, yall abled people are using the wrong word. Anyways, no, it's like a STOVE BURN mixed with pins and needles. Feels like you're slowly being roasted on a fire. Just below my skin is a raging flame that cannot be snuffed out. And the skin itself doesn't hurt when yo accidentally bump into it, press it, or massage it, but it hurts like HELL if you softly stroke it, or a fabric fold or seam touches it. Feels like being stabbed with needles, its not a sensory thing, its physically fucking painful.
So yeah you can hug me tight, or accidentally bump into my knee, that doesn't hurt. But don't fucking stroke those areas.
And the WIND god i hate wind. The cold fucking HURTS, somehow cold makes it burn more, like im being burned alive. And when cold wind hits my sensitive areas it burns AND feels like needles.
My only escape is sleep. Its a neurological disease, my brain THINKS i have nerve damage but i actually don't have nerve damage. Sure I've lost mobility i little, can't squat anymore, but there is NO PHYSICAL DAMAGE, NOTHING STRUCTURALLY WRONG WITH MY BODY. My brain is simply confused, its trapped in a constant loop of "oh shit there is nerve damage!" 24/7, but, when i fall asleep it shuts the brain down and there is absolutely no pain. My brain is quirky like that.
And then you have the treatment: ketamine. Ketamine is like chemo. Ketamine is crps's chemotherapy. Its the number 1 treatment, you pretty much cant get remission without it, and its an iv infusion that makes you really sick first few times, causes nightmares, and the entire time of the infusion you are DMT level high. The high itself is actually what the treatment is. The intense, life altering high literally short circuits my brain. It interrupts that loop that my brain is stuck in, and literally rewires it the way its supposed to be, and then i feel a lot less pain. During the infusions there is no pain at all. If i do this long enough it has a chance to fix it semi permanently, which would be remission. Thats how it all works.
It sucks, and it kinda feels like a cruel joke. My only chance of walking is getting high as fuck. Lucky me i guess...
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Holy shit...2 years of SV already?
A bit of a vent below, so I'll put it under the cut 😅
God...I remember dreaming about it, watching streams about it, avoiding just enough to not see any leaks of the new pokémon. It keot me going through some rough times, as my dad had died I believe beginning of 2022, so it gave me something to look forward to so I wouldn't spiral.
As a whole, Pokémon in general has been a huge part of my childhood, let alone a HUGE factor of my life. As a kid, I always thought the designs were cool, and immediately attached to them. Even when people in the fanbase hurt me, I just got back up and tried, tried again.
But enough of that. Two whole years. And there is so much more to come. I don't believe the series has quite wrapped up yet, and there's still merchandise and other content Game Freak has to pump out of it!
Before Kieran, Arven was a character I related to heavily. As I had mentioned before, my father had passed that year, and I was a Violet player. Sure, Pokémon cannot go too deeply into the message of grief and loss, but the way Turo and Arven's relationship was already on the rocks...it had reminded me so much of how my dad wasn't really there and didn't really see me until the end of his life. I watched my dad die, I watched my dad say I love me, and so did Arven. And it just...broke me, I guess.
I had gotten deeply attached to him for a while, as he had been a big focal point I could project on, and that I could love at the same time. Forward to two years later, or a year and a half, Kieran comes out. In all honesty, I didn't really give a fuck about he or his sister at first. Like most, I genuinely thought his sister was too pushy, too bitchy, and I thought he was too clingy, too annoying. I didn't like his design at all.
But looking deeper, I had been playing the teal mask with my sibling at the time, and we had made some analysis on how they kinda mirrored us... (I mirrored behavior Kieran shown at that exact age) and we were like "Oh god....how did Gamefreak capture us so perfectly?"
Alongside Tyranitartube helping me get excited for Indigo Disk's Hype Season, and inspiring me to go along and create Project Venus and make my little shitlet son (PV!Kieran)
I just... wowzers. And now Arven and Kieran are comfort characters, and SV are my favorite games. Who woulda thunk it. I don't know where I really would have been if I didn't have the game to look forward to, even if everyone else in my peer group surrounding me whined, bitched and moaned about "another glitchy game" (which, they have every right to be upset)
But enough about that. This game has given me so much joy and comfort that I don't know how to express properly, and I don't know what I'd do without it.
Thank you, Game Freak. Genuinely.
#moof rambles#pokemon sv#pokemon sv dlc#pokemon scarvio#pokemon scarlet violet#pokemon scarlet and violet#kieran pokemon#arven pokemon#vent#traumadump???#anniversary#pokemon sv 2nd anniversary#pokemon#pokemon kieran#pokemon dlc#pokeblr#pokemon anniversary
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Another Us part 7
Word Count-4600+
Genre-Angst, Smut
Seonghwa!au x f!reader
Warnings-Vulgar Language, Alcohol Consumption, Minors DNI, 18+ content, unprotected sex (don't do it) smut, inferred physical abuse, mental health topics
NSFW below cut
"So are you still in love with me or do you hate me? You couldn't seem to decide last night."
What...?? WHAT?! You freeze and the water bottle falls out of your hand, spilling on the floor. "Shit.." you mutter and go grab a towel, glad for the few moments to gather your thoughts. Ugh stupid hangover, you think. What the hell did I do? What did I say???
Seonghwa is suddenly beside you, taking the towel from you. "Uhh..." you say and he's smirking. Irritated, you grab the towel back and finish mopping up the water. "Hmph, I don't remember much from last night. I imagine I didn't even know who you were." You say, not looking at him.
"Hmm.....really? They say people say what they really feel when they are drinking." He says, laughing at you as you stand up and wring out the towel. "Well I guess that means I hate you then. I must have thought you were someone else if I said anything about LOVE."
Sighing, he comes over to you and looks down at you. "Oh yeah? Who do you love then? hmm?" He asks, leaning down a bit. What the fuck was this? You think. "None of your business." You huff, glaring up at him.
Your discussion is interrupted by the doorbell and you break eye contact first. Who the hell was here this early? you think and go to walk to get the door. You're reaching for the door handle before you feel a hand on your arm and you're being dragged back to your room.
Seonghwa closes the door and puts his back against it. "What the hell are you doing? Am I not allowed to answer my door now?" you almost yell at him. Why was he even still here?
"Really? You were going to answer the door like that?" he asks and his eyes trail down your body. "I-" you start and then realize he's right. You'd forgotten you are only wearing a tshirt. "Oh..." you say. "Yeah, oh. You walk around like this?" He asks, crossing his arms and stares at you.
"Wait a goddamned minute, pal." You say, suddenly feeling angry. "You're in my apartment, IN MY ROOM, may I remind you." You walk towards him, pointing your finger at him. "Who the hell are you to me that you get to question what I wear or what I even do??? You're not my roommate, my family, my boyfriend or even my friend!" You're standing in front of him now, watching his eyebrows pull down as you yell at him. "You're making my head hurt even worse." You mutter up at him.
He frowns down at you and sighs, then sucks in a breath. "Y/n, I-" Then there's knocking at your door. Pushing him out of the way, you open it. Yunho is standing there, looking down at you, with a worried look on his face. "You ok?" He asks, then glances behind you and his eyebrows furrow. "Yeah I was just leaving." Seonghwa says and brushes past you, not even looking at you.
Looking back at you, Yunho's frown deepens. "It's ok, we were just talking. Nothing bad." You say and he studies your face for a moment before nodding. "Ok well....how about you make some time for you and I to talk a little later, Y/n? I have some questions." He says, patting your head.
Sighing you nod. You knew it was coming. Most of the guys would buy you brushing them off and glossing over things, but you'd always been closest to Yunho and Jongho with confiding things. Jongho normally just took in what you told him and wanted you to vent, but Yunho wouldn't let things go if he sensed something was wrong. At the very least, you could tell him a little bit about your past so he didn't worry about the interactions. Especially since it seemed like Hwa was around more and more.
"Good. Anyhow, you have a visitor. Get some clothes on." He says and walks away. A visitor? you think, shutting your door and slapping your cheeks to chase away the blushing. I hope he doesn't think I was doing something weird with Hwa. you think as you toss on some jeans and brush your hair.
About 5 minutes later, you walk out and it seems like everyone is finally waking up. Almost everyone, you notice the lack of Wooyoung and San. Not abnormal, those sleepy heads, you think. Mingi and Yunho are playing a video game on the couch and that's when you notice Yeosang.
"Y/n." he says and you can't help but feel warm as he says your name. Feeling yourself blush slightly, you tuck your hair behind your ear and smile. "Yeosang, you're back?" You ask, coming over to sit down. He's seated on the opposite couch as the guys so you sit next to him.
"Yeah, I got back later last night. I figured I'd stop by and see if you'd like to go for lunch with me?" He asks and smiles at you. You feel your heart flutter and your headache is a thing of the past. "Oh I'd love to...uhhh..." You say and look down, taking in your silly kpop tshirt and ripped jeans. "I should change." You say and go to get up. He grabs your hand, standing up with you. "Don't change....I think...you look really cute." He says, looking bashful too.
"Oooooooo!!!!" Mingi says and Yunho smacks him in the back of the head, but he's smiling at you two and winks. "Ok, well, I'm ready then....." You say to Yeosang, trying to ignore the two imbeciles making kissy noises at you. As you're leaving with Yeosang, you manage to notice that Seonghwa is still here, his arms folded as he watches you leave, his face unreadable.
Whatever, you think, mister nosy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Cute, I think they look adorable together. He seems really nice. Did you see the cute little blushes they were giving eachother?" Mingi is saying, going back to playing with Yunho.
Seonghwa sits back down and watches, in a contemplative mood. "Yeah, she seems to like him." He says. "Are we talking about Y/n?" San says from behind, rubbing his eyes, then taking a seat across from everyone. "Yeah, Yeosang just came by and picked her up for a lunch date." Yunho tells him and San smiles.
"Good for her. I'm glad she's finally getting back out there. Especially after that fucking douchebag." San frowns and shakes his head. "I suddenly want to go find him and kick his ass again."
"Who's ass are we kicking?" Wooyoung asks and he plops down too. "Is Y/n making us food?" He asks, excitedly. "Nah, she went out with Yeosang." San responds and Woo smiles happily. "Yes! It worked, Sannie. Now I can stop seeing her being all sad and mopey. So who's face are we rearranging?"
"That fucktard ex of hers who-" "HEY." Jongho pipes in and everyone turns to look at him coming out of Mingi's room. "That's her business and I'd prefer we don't talk about it without her here. Seonghwa is not privy to that and it's not our business to gossip about her past in front of others who don't know about it."
"Oh shit, I completely forgot. No offense, Hwa. Just...." Mingi says, frowning, then Yunho yells in triumph as he wins the game. "HA!" "Hey asshole, that's not fair!" Mingi yells and then they are going at eachother like normal.
Jongho sits down and looks at Seonghwa. "Look, I'm not trying to be rude or anything. It's just we've been friends with her for a long time now and without her here....her past is very...rough. I'll leave it at that." Seonghwa just nods, putting his hands up. "I get it, her business is her own. If she wants to tell me anything, she can." Hwa states and Jongho relaxes back, nodding.
"Just know that there are reasons why we are very....protective of her." San says, frowning. "I swear if another guy touches-" "STOP." Jongho says, sighing at San. San puts his head in his hands and then curses. "Sorry, I just....fuck I wanna kill him." "Ok ok, let's go get some food, Sannie." Wooyoung says, dragging San into the kitchen.
Someone hurt her? Seonghwa thinks and frowns.
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"Oh my god, this is delicious!" You exclaim, staring at your cute little parfait. Yeosang had taken you to a little cafe down the road from your flat. You'd had a bagel and now you'd gotten something sweet.
"Mmmm!" Yeosang says, tasting his own. "I love sweet things." He says and smiles, watching you enjoy yours. "I normally don't, but this is really good." You nod and smile. Is this a second date? you think, feeling somewhat giddy. If only last night wasn't on your mind....
"I apologize for the short notice on taking you out again." Yeosang says, "I needed to eat anyway and I like this cafe. I thought..." he says, letting his sentence trail off and smiling at you. "Thank you, I am happy that you did. I needed to get away from all the testosterone." You say, giggling and he laughs with you.
Later, after a very nice lunch and a long walk back to your place, Yeosang walks you back to your door. "I have to go out of town again. Probably for about a month? I'm glad I got to see you before I left again. Would it be ok if I continued to text you?" He asks, grabbing your hand.
Blushing, you smile and nod, "I'd like that. A whole month?" you ask, slightly sad. Such a long time...you think. "Unfortunately. We have to go film in some desert location for the current movie. I actually think Yunho might have to come out for some of it, so you may have one less male figure to deal with for a bit too." You laugh and smirk. "Oh that would be wonderful if you could take them all for a week! Oh the silence..." You pretend sigh and he laughs, reaching out to tuck your hair behind your ear for you.
"So...I'll text you?" He asks, leaning in and you hold your breath as he brushes his lips against yours briefly. "Yes....text..." you stammer out and he grins, lightly pinching your cheek. "Ok well, talk to you soon, Y/n." He grins and winks at you then he's gone.
What the hell...he was so cute and sweet. You touch your cheek and you can feel the heat creeping up your neck.
Turning and going inside, you're met with silence and an empty apartment. "Am I dreaming?!" You say, tossing your bag and leaning back against the door, heavily sighing. "A kiss and a quiet apartment?" You pinch yourself and then do a little happy dance.
You'd make the most of this day, put last night out of your head and the confusing man lingering at the peripherals of your thoughts. Good things were happening and you weren't going to let that grump ruin your mood.
Drawing a nice bath after cleaning up some, you enjoy the peaceful evening.
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The weeks following had been fairly uneventful. Yeosang had texted you almost immediately the next day, telling you about getting on his flight, and the following details of his trip. It was fairly basic but you were enjoying talking to him. It wasn't constant but you were grateful he'd been finding time to text you even once a day with his busy schedule.
On the other hand, Seonghwa had been stopping by more often. Sometimes just to hang out with whatever guy he had worked with that day, or sometimes saying he was just bored. You tried your best to avoid him when he was around but you couldn't always manage it.
Yunho had been called to the shooting site a day after Yeosang had gone but he'd made you promise an outing with him when he got back to talk about things. You'd been trying to figure out how to tell him about your past without making it a super long angsty story. You were sort of dreading it.
Three weeks after the crazy night you'd put out of your mind, Yunho texted you to tell you he was coming back late the next night and he'd like for you to make time for him the following morning. You'd agreed. It was Friday night and you had the weekend off, so you had the place mostly to yourself until late tomorrow evening.
So that's where you find yourself, standing in front of the mirror, trying on random clothes, sorting your thoughts out. "Why am I acting like I'm about to be scolded by my father?" You think out loud, laughing at yourself. Yunho was very protective though, and he did act like an older brother. You smile warmly, acknowledging how grateful you were for your tight group of friends.
Jongho had been busy with recording, his vocal training had gone well and Mingi and him had been in the studio nonstop. San and Wooyoung were spending a lot more time working on their dancing, which you loved. You got to go to the practice room with them and watch, which was awesome. You'd been surprised at how hard those two worked.
They liked to mess around and act irresponsible, but seeing them in this environment gave you a whole new perspective on their ambitions. And you wanted to cheer them on so much.
So it'd been quiet at the apartment, despite them coming and going at all hours. Which is why, then the doorbell rings, you were surprised. "Who the hell?" you mutter, going out and opening the door.
Sighing, you turn and say, "They are all out, sorry Seonghwa." "I'm not here to see them. I came to see how you've been doing." Hwa says, coming in and closing the door. He makes his way into your kitchen and starts pulling out a few bottles, looking for glasses.
"What are you doing? Came to see me? Why?" You ask, flustered. Here you were, trying to enjoy the peace and he comes barreling in, disrupting your quiet and making your head hurt.
"I'm trying to honor our truce. Remember? Plus...I just wanted to talk to you. Just you and I." he says, not turning around. "Why? Talk about what? What could we possibly have to talk about, Seonghwa?" You ask, throwing up your hands.
"Well...just...you know...talk? Maybe .... get to know one another, as adults?" He asks, turning around, handing you a drink. You didn't even notice him pouring them. "Soju? We're drinking?" You ask, eyeing him.
"I can get something else..." he says, frowning down at the drink. "No no, it's fine." You take a sip and sigh. "Fine, come sit." You gesture to the couch and plop down. He sits down, closer to you than you expected. "Um..so.." You start and he sighs, downing the whole contents of his small glass in one shot, then filling it back up.
"Bad day?" You ask and he smirks, looking at you from the side. "You could say that." He says and leans back. "I guess...I just wanted to talk to a friend. To vent." He says, running his hand over his face. "And you thought I was the best choice?" You snort, downing your drink at the thought. He matches your mirth with his own snort, "Right? What am I thinking?" You both laugh and then there's a more comfortable silence.
"Are we, though?" You ask, eyeing him. "Friends? Can we be friends? Is that even possible?" Nodding, he looks down at his hands. "That's what my thoughts were. Can we be friends? We used to be great friends." You snort again, grabbing the soju bottle, filling your glass. "Oh yeah, great friends. Friends so great that you took advantage of my-" He looks up at you sharply and you stop, not wanting to even talk about that. "I didn't...I wasn't...I never meant to...." he tries to get out but then he shakes his head. You down your glass again and fill it back up, before he grabs it from you.
You can feel tears prick the back of your eyes, even this many years later. "Ha, never meant to.....Yeah, I knew I wasn't good enough for you." "Y/n!" he snaps and you just look at him.
"See, this is why we can't be friends. It's always going to turn into some weird argument over shit that happened so long ago. It doesn't even matter now, we aren't even those people anymore." You say, drinking more, wiping your eyes.
"Shit...look I came over to try to talk to you about now, to get to know you now, I didn't want to ...." He says, reaching out to you, but you smack his hand away. You were feeling the soju far too quickly and your emotions were started to fray a bit. Not good, you think.
"What good could come of us knowing each other now? You're around anyhow, it's not like you can't come and go here, you are friends with the guys. Just do that. I'm not going to chase you off or anything. So if that's what you're afraid of, don't be. I'm not that petty or vindictive, Hwa." You spew out, downing another glass before Hwa grabs the glass from you.
"Woah, slow down. You're going to make yourself sick, Y/n." He sighs. "I don't want to just be civil with you, I want to say hello to you and have you actually not hate seeing me. I'd like to apologize for the past and get over it so we can both feel better and -"
"Feel better?" You snort, feeling like you wanted to scream. Why were you so mad? It doesn't even matter. But your heart hurt still and your brain was a mess.
"Feel better? Do you know, I don't want to feel better, Hwa! I want to HATE you! I want to hate anyone who has hurt me! Do you know what it's like, do you?! To want to hate someone so much?" You're standing now, shaking your fist at him.
His eyes are wide and you just can't seem to stop. Why were you yelling at him, when he was just trying to talk? Something was wrong with you, but right now it felt like a huge wave crashing down around you and you were being swept away.
"Y/n..." He says and stands up with you, noticing your trembling. You can feel your breath hitching. "shit.." you mumble, feeling the panic attack coming on.
"You hate me?" he asks, looking down at you. "I want to....I want to hate...you..." You manage and clutch your chest, tears starting to leak from your eyes.
Seonghwa looks up as the door opens and Mingi and Jongho come in, taking in their shocked looks at you crying, with Seonghwa over you. "Y/n!" Mingi yells and runs to you. Jongho is glaring daggers at Seonghwa, walking more slowly over.
You're gasping and wiping your eyes. "I didn't-" Seonghwa says and steps back. Mingi gets to you and puts his arms around you, settling you down on the couch. "Go get me the paper bag in the top drawer near the fridge." He says and Hwa complies. Jongho watches Hwa and glances at you, knowing you're fine in Mingi's hands. Once Hwa comes back and gives Mingi the bag, you take it gratefully and start breathing into it. Mingi just mutters soothing words to you and rubs your back to calm you down.
"Let's talk." Jongho says, pointing to the table in the other room. Seonghwa gives you one last look, concerned, then nods, following Jongho.
"Fine..." You mumble to Mingi as you start calming down. "Hmm?" He says, still rubbing your back. "Nothing bad, I'm fine, just drank too fast, nothing bad happened." You manage. He just nods, letting you continue to breathe.
Jongho takes a seat across from Seonghwa and stares at him. It's quiet for a few minutes, just the sounds of you and Mingi in the other room. "Look, I'm going to be blunt. You're the thing she left out, aren't you?" Jongho asks, not taking his eyes off Hwa. Seonghwa just furrows his brow and tilts his head. "Left out? What do you mean?" he asks, confused.
Jongho, sighing, leans back and looks over at you. "Look, it's really not our business, so I won't pry. I just have two questions for you." Seonghwa puts his hands up. "Look, we were just talking, I didn't-" He starts and Jongho waves his hand at him. "I know that, I'm aware if she were afraid of you, you wouldn't be here." Hwa just nods and motions for Jongho to continue.
"First, I need to know. You two knew each other before, didn't you?" Seonghwa pauses for a moment, then leans back, looking down into his hands. "Yes." Jongho nods, expecting as much. "I figured...you two were a little too....strange together for having just met like the guys told me."
Seonghwa looks up at him and frowns. "That obvious, huh?" Jongho just nods. "Y/n isn't great at hiding her emotions or the like. She's pretty good at pretending, but when you know her for as long as we have...well. We are like her brothers. I don't know what you were, or are to her, and I won't ask. That's her business, and yours." Seonghwa nods, feeling slightly relieved. "Ok, the second thing?" He asks and Jongho nods.
"Since you have a past with her....why are you here?" Seonghwa looks at him confused. "Let me elaborate. Why are you around? Is it because of her? Did you come back to shake up her life? Why are you here tonight, alone with her? Are you intending to upset her more?" Seonghwa's eyes get bigger and he's shaking his head before Jongho even finishes.
"No! No, not at all. I swear, we just happened to meet again, because of work, with the other guys and ...." He sighs again. "I won't lie, I wanted to mend our friendship, or start over with it. We used to be friends, as kids. I...we....it's complicated. I don't intend to hurt her. The opposite, honestly. I came tonight thinking we could talk it out. I brought alcohol, thinking it might relax us and I wasn't intending to talk about anything bad."
"hmm..." Jongho nods and chews his lip. "Well that's good. You not having any ill intentions." He says and Seonghwa can see a small glint in Jongho's eyes that shakes him a bit. Deep down, he's happy you've found such protective friends, but at the moment he's a little fearful of that look.
"Jongho, it's ok, I'm fine, I just drank too fast. It was my fault." You say as you walk by, Mingi leading you towards your room. "Mmmm, go lay down, Y/n." Jongho says, and Mingi comes back to join them after closing your door.
"She's laying down." Mingi says, sighing. "Does she have those alot? The panic attacks?" Seonghwa asks, and Mingi glances at him suspiciously. "He's fine, Mingi. We already talked." Jongho says and Mingi bites back on what he was going to say. "Yeah...sometimes, on bad days, or when she's stressed. I have them myself sometimes..."
"Anyhow, drinking isn't always the best, she has a bad habit of drinking too fast if she's getting emotional and then....pop!" Mingi finishes and frowns. "It's definitely been quite awhile since she had one though. I hope whatever it was you two were talking about that upset her can be cleared up." Jongho gets up and grabs a few more glasses.
"Well....since you're going to be around a lot more, let's have some drinks together and get to know one another better, huh?" Jongho pours some drinks and Seonghwa decides to do just that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The next day was uneventful and the next thing you know, you're being woken up by Yunho on Sunday morning. You wake up to a cute little puppy dog looking down at you, smiling.
"Hey there, sleepy head, let's go on our date." he says and tickles you. "Waaahhhhh Yunho....." "Come on, you don't want some nice hot coffee?" He asks and giggles when you shoot up, your hair everywhere. "Coffeee......mmmm.."
An hour later, you were sitting across from Yunho, warm coffee in hand and fiddling with your stir stick. "Soo..." you say and look up at him.
"So, come clean. What's the deal, Y/n? I know something is weird with Seonghwa. So just tell me so I don't have to worry over it." He states, raising an eyebrow at you.
"It's...I don't even know how to sum it up?" You say, shrugging. Yunho just waits patiently. "We were friends, a long time ago, in high school." "Ah," he nods and waits again. "We were very close friends. Like, always together. We weren't very popular, but like...we had each other. I didn't care, and I thought he didn't either. It sounds so stupid now, as adults." You say, sneering.
"And?" "And I had feelings for him, ok? More than friends, I .... our...we... " You stutter and Yunho reaches out and pats your hand. "Y/n, you can tell me anything. I care about you, and I don't want to see you suffer. The only reason I want you to talk to me is for your sake, not to hurt you or to pry." You nod and look down, feeling ashamed for getting so emotional about something so silly.
Taking in a deep breath, you look back at Yunho and square your shoulders. "I had feelings for him and I...threw myself at him. I was selfish and I just...wanted him to look at me like I did at him. And well...I don't know why but he let me in for a moment. He was my first kiss, as well as...." You gulp and Yunho's face softens. "Your first?" He asks and you nod. "It was stupid, you know, two idiot teenagers, fumbling around, trying to..." You laugh harshly and take a sip of coffee.
"Let's just say, it wasn't very good. It was..." Yunho snorts and you can't help but laugh, feeling a bit better talking about it. "It was awful, wasn't it?" He asks, holding back his laughter with his hand now. "Oh my god, so bad." You say and then you're both laughing out loud.
Catching your breath, you shake your head. "That wasn't the big deal though, like, yeah it sucked and it hurt and it was weird. But afterwards, he slowly stopped talking to me. All of a sudden he wanted to hang out with other people. And I was ok with him having friends other than me. But he shut me out." You sigh. "It hurt enough being shut out, being shunned. But after....losing my ....to him...I felt so used." Yunho grasps your hand tighter as you go on.
"Eventually, I confronted him at school, and like an idiot, I got emotional...you know how I can get." Yunho just smiles at you. "Well, his friends overheard and then...they made fun of him. For liking an ugly loser like me.." Yunho frowns now and takes both your hands in his. "I only tried to talk to him one more time, after that. I went to his house and we talked. Well...I talked and he freaked out on me. He told me that I'd made a fool out of him and made people laugh at him. I just kept thinking, who cares about what those morons think? Wasn't I important?" You sigh.
"Then I accidentally broke one of the Lego sets we'd been working on together, I knocked it onto the floor and then tripped and fell on it, cause ...." "You're clumsy" "I'm clumsy" you both say at the same time and you smile. "yeah well, he snapped and told me I ruined his life basically. He said he didn't want to ever see me again, that I ruined everything."
"Y/n....I'm sorry." Yunho squeezes your hands. "I know it sounds silly now and like.....it's so stupid." Yunho is shaking his head at you. "No, no it is not stupid, Y/n. You were young, naïve and you cared about him alot. There is no way it was stupid." He reaches up and swipes a tear from your cheek. You laugh, not realizing you were crying. "Sorry." "Don't be." He says back.
"Well anyhow...that was the last time we spoke until...he showed up at that club, that night awhile back." Yunho winces, "Because of us, shit." You shake your head. "No, I always imagined I'd see him again. Deep inside, I knew it was bound to happen. It just....I thought I'd moved past it. Especially since I've been through so much worse, right?" You say, looking away.
"Hey, stop. Just because that fucker did what he did to you and how horrible it was, doesn't mean you're not allowed to get upset at something else that wasn't abusive." Yunho says, and you bring your eyes back to him. "You remember what I told you, after all that? When you wanted to end everything?" He asks and squeezes you hands tightly again.
You remembered. He was the only one who knew about that, and he'd promised you he'd never let you be alone with your hurt again. He was always going to be there for you, no matter what. It had bonded the two of you closer than family. He truly was your big brother.
"I do." You say and he pets your hair again. "Good. So, I won't lie, the big brother in me wants to kick his ass for being such a heartless little teenage jerk, but I have a feeling that he's already aware that he was in the wrong, right?" You nod and sigh. "Yeah, he ... wants to be friends again with me." Yunho nods and leans back. "And? You don't want to?" "It's not that I don't....I actually really want to. He and I were so close. I still care about him, I hate admitting it but I do."
Nodding, he waits. "It's just....I'm afraid." You fiddle with your cup. "I'm afraid those feelings are still there, as stupid as I was back then, as silly as I acted. It was years ago. What if they are still there? What if I relax my guard and let him in? What if he...." You stop, frowning.
"If he hurts you again?" Yunho asks and you nod, not looking up at him. "I understand that completely." he says. "But it's your choice. I won't block whatever it is you want to do with this. I personally like him, outside of your personal relationship with him. But if he does hurt you, intentionally or not, I may have an issue." You smile at him and swat his hand.
"He's not that kind of guy. Even back then, I knew why he was acting that way. I felt...I hated myself. Hating him was just easier than admitting I was at fault too." Yunho nods but frowns. "Please don't hate yourself, Y/n. I love you, you're one of my best friends and I care about you." You smile and nod. "I know, Yunho. I promise, I know I have you all. I promise I'm better."
"Good. Now....let's talk about something more fun and get something to make us fat." You giggle as he grabs your hand and drags you to go get some ice cream.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Your texts with Yeosang had gotten less consistent and oddly, you didn't feel heartbroken over it. It'd been another week since your chat with Yunho, and things had been fairly quiet.
Jongho had to go out of the country again, and Yunho was back to filming constantly, so he was gone for days at a time. San and Wooyoung had taken to staying at Woo's place, since it was closer to where they'd been working. San's choreographer had wanted to work more with the two and they'd been so busy. Mingi was always in the studio and you had a feeling he'd just been sleeping there. It wasn't abnormal. Everyone had their own things going on.
So you found yourself home again on another Saturday night, frustrated at your lack of social life, as well as a long week of work and school. Your final exams were coming up and they were stressing you out, as much as you wanted to be done and have your license. Practical exams always terrified you.
You decided it was a good time to go get snacks and maybe watch a movie tonight. Relax and destress. So you found yourself at the local grocery picking out the worst(best) junk food you could get your hands on.
As you're contemplating what flavor of ice cream to get (probably both!), you hear your phone chime. Checking your texts, you frown. It was Seonghwa, "Hey...are you around?" It said and you momentarily think about pretending not to have heard it. But then you realize it says 'read' and sigh.
"yeah, what's up?" You ask back and then go back to deciding. Not a minute later, it chimes again. "Can I come over, to talk?" Sighing you text back, "I'm not home." "Can we meet?"
Frustrated, you sigh and text, "Let's meet at the park near my flat. 10minutes?" "Okay, see you soon." it says and you frown more.
Forget the ice cream, Ill get it after. Paying for your things, you make your way out of the store and head to the little park, with the playground.
As you get into view, you stop, noticing Seonghwa is already there, sitting on a swing, kicking the dirt with his toe. What the heck...you think and continue towards him.
"Hey." you say, standing in front of him. He looks up at you and smiles and your heart thuds. This is what I was worried about, why does he make me still feel like this?
"Hey." He says and motions to the swing next to him. You sigh and sit down, pushing slowly back and forth. "What were you doing?" He asks, looking at your bag. "Mm, just snacks. Was going to watch a movie." You say and he nods.
"I'm sorry for upsetting you last time." He says and you look at him. "I thought talking about things would...be good...but.." He shakes his head.
"It's not good. I don't want to go back there." You say and bite back from saying more. It was a long ass week and this wasn't the conversation you wanted to be having, with this man who wrecks you every time you see him.
"Can't you let me apologize though? I don't want you to hate me....you said you did...and I just..." Hwa looks down, toeing the ground again.
"Let's talk another time, I don't want to do this right now." You say and stand up, starting to walk off. "Stop!" He says, following you.
"No, I really don't want to talk about this." You say, shrugging him off, walking around the corner to your apartment. He follows you inside and you huff at him.
"What are you doing?" You say, hitting the button for the elevator. "I'm talking to you, Y/n. Honestly, I don't know what to do, I want to apologize, I want to make things better, I want to be your friend again!" he runs his hands through his hair.
"WHY!? Why do you want to? What good could possibly come of that?!" you ask, trying not to yell.
"Because you hate me, right? You won't even let me explain anything! I've said sorry! I'll say it again, is that what you want?" He's yelling now and you just want to scream.
"You're sorry for what? Seonghwa, really? For what? Do you even know?" You yell and get out of the elevator, going to your door. He's still following and you're holding back tears. You want him to go away but you...really don't. And that terrifies you.
"I'm fucking sorry for everything, everything I did, can't you just listen to me?!!?"
"I'm fucking sorry, okay?" Seonghwa yells at you as he follows you inside and you feel like tearing out your hair. You start to pace back and forth and he grabs your arm, pulling you to a halt. You turn to face him and he says it more firmly. "I said it, isn't that what you want? I'm fucking sorry? Do you want me to plead with you? Beg for forgiveness? Christ sake, Y/n, we were kids." You're shaking your head, more fervently the more he speaks.
"I don't want an 'I'm sorry' SEONGHWA!" You barely keep yourself from yelling. You can feel all the emotions climbing into your throat, tears tickling behind your eyelids. Oh god, please don't cry, don't fucking cry. This was already enough of a mess.
Seonghwa grabs your other arm, turning you to face him so you can't turn away. "What do you want then? Do you want me to build a goddamn time machine so we can go back and fix it all? OH SURE LET'S JUST DO THAT, I'LL BE RIGHT FUCKING BACK." You can feel his hands shaking and he's gripping your arms hard enough that you wince a little. His eyes were starting to take on a sheen, making him look a little crazy in this moment. "I'm doing my best here, okay? Jesus christ, you hate the me from back then? JOIN THE FUCKING CLUB, Y/N, I HATED HIM TOO! Do you think I like that I was an asshole when..." A tear slips down his face as he stares daggers at you.
"Do you think I like thinking about what happened between us, Seonghwa? Do you think I liked being who I was either? You honestly think I hate you? I hate myself for loving you so goddamn much that you had the ability to destroy me, that you still do!!!! Sorry? Sorry isn't ever going to be enough. I've never forgiven myself for not being what you wanted or needed back then. You saying 'sorry' to me won't ever be enough because it's not you who I hate! You're not the one who needs to say sorry here, goddamn it! Don't you get it? Even in the years after we stopped speaking, I still thought of you, all the time! Do you think I like remembering how you looked at me, like I had ruined your entire life? The words you'd said to me? I....I-I'd given you my hh-hh-eart, m-m-my first kiss, my first....time...and...." You choke out.
Now you're crying too but it's going to turn into ugly sobs soon. This whole situation was falling apart around you both. Words were coming out, unfiltered. He was just too stunned to speak, staring at you.
"Do you think I like the reminder that I'm never going to be good enough for you? That you felt pity on me while all I ever did was throw myself at your feet? Fucking pathetic." You basically spit it out. It felt horrible to just be spewing all this but you couldn't stop now that you'd started. You barely register the shock on his face through your tears. You can't even remember how you both got here. "Y/n..." he whispers but you just keep talking over him.
"Fucking pathetic!" you say again, and shake your head, trying to pull away from him but his grip is firm and his eyes seem sharper. "I couldn't even see what you were going through until that day, you know? I was so blinded by my own selfishness, my greed, my want for you that I completely overlooked your pain. All these years I've been convinced that I hate you, but really? Deep down? I knew it was me, I just didn't want to face my own reflection."
"That day when you said I ruined everything, I was so hurt. But you know what? The reason it hurt so fucking badly?" He's so focused on you right now and there's no reason to keep this up, you should really stop, but you feel this need to get everything out, once and for all. "It hurt because it was true! I'd forced you to be my friend, to care about me and love me. I only cared about myself. You just wanted to be a friend to me and here I was, throwing myself at you, because of my stupid emotions and I can't do this again. I can't handle it, I can't handle hating myself again for how I feel about you. I can't deal with all of this, overwhelming me. I can't break down again, I can't!....I can't-"
Suddenly your arms are let go abruptly, Seonghwa's lips are crushing against yours as you're yanked upwards. His hands grab you roughly, one hand grabbing the back of your head, hair getting pulled a bit and his other arm around your waist, pulling you tightly against him.
You don't even have time to do anything but gasp and his tongue is entering your mouth, frantic. It only takes a split second but your hands start acting on their own, both going into his hair and pulling roughly in return. Your whole body is shaking, but you can feel his trembling against you as well. He moans into your mouth as you stumble backwards, his hands pulling your hair in return. Your mouths are torn apart when his hand finds it's way under your shirt onto your the bare skin of your back and he buries his face into your neck.
"You're not pathetic, you're beautiful...you're amazing, I want you so much....." he moans against the sensitive skin of your neck and a wave of shivers wrack your body. He's kissing and licking, sucking on your neck, pulling your hair and all you can do moan along with him. "Seonghwa, oh my god...…..," You're gasping and his mouth finds its way back to yours. You're both not even watching where you are going, stumbling over things, your hands all over each other.
All of a sudden, the back of your legs hit one of the couches and Seonghwa's hands are slipping under your thighs, opening your legs and lifting you to sit you on the back of the couch. He's between your thighs, pressing himself against you, his hardness pressing against your inner thigh. Your skirt is around your waist and one of his hands is gripping your ass cheek under your panties. His other hand is holding the back of your neck, tipping your head back so he can kiss you, deeply grinding his cock against you through the thin fabric of both of your clothing. "I want you so fucking much, Y/n..." he's moaning into your mouth again, his tongue flicking over your lips, then nipping your lips. Your head swims and you're returning lick for lick, nip for bite. You pull the shirt over your head and toss it, his eyes immediately going to your chest and the sheer bra you are wearing before lunging in to take your nipple into his mouth through the thin fabric, wetting it with his tongue, pulling with his teeth.
Your core is throbbing and you lift your hips up, straining to get closer, desperately needing to feel MORE of him. His hand is cupping your ass tightly, kneading. When you lift your hips, his hand slides under you more, his fingers brushing against your panties from underneath. Your whole body jerks as you feel the skin of his fingertips slide under the thin fabric of your underwear and then he's touching you. A soft whine escapes his lips and you feel your panties rip as he tugs roughly. "Fuck, you're so wet." Tossing them without looking, he drops to his knees and your fingers tighten even more in his hair as he leans in and bites your inner thigh. Gasping, your head falls backwards before you force yourself to open your eyes and look down at him. His eyes were glazed, your lipstick smeared on his mouth and his hair was a complete mess.
You'd never seen anything more sexy in your life.
His mouth is kissing your thighs like he kissed your neck, biting, licking, sucking. In between you can feel the puffs of his breath as he moans little words you can't even comprehend, traveling ever upwards. Your legs are shaking uncontrollably by the time his lips brush over your folds, making you inhale so sharply and jerk that you almost fall backwards. Your hands reach down and tear at his shirt, wanting to see more of him while he continues to softly breath and tickle your slit with his soft lips. He leans back, noticing your struggles and lets you pull it off him as he stands up. Your arms wind around his neck and he grabs you by the back of your thighs again, picking you and wrapping your legs around him. "Room..fuck! .room...where...oh god......" He's kissing you and asking and panting into your mouth. You break away from his mouth for just a moment to orient yourself and point to a door. His movement speeds up and he runs you both into the door, your back pressed against it as he's grinding against you again. It's almost painful, the zipper of his pants straining, rubbing against your sensitive clit. You're reaching down to find the doorknob as his face is buried into your neck, biting you softly and moaning. His one hand comes up and grasps your breast, pulling your nipple and you're almost squealing from all of the explosions going off with his every touch, pinch and bite. Finally you get the doorknob and open it, falling backwards as he catches you and propels you both forward onto your bed.
He looks down at you, his chest heaving, panting heavily. He'd managed to pull the cups of the bra down so both of your breasts were pulled out and on display. Your skirt was pulling up to your tummy. At his gaze your knees turn inward, feeling bashful all of a sudden at being so exposed. "No," he growls and yanks your legs back open before reaching down and unzipping his pants. You sit up and stop him, replacing his hand with yours. In one movement, you tug his pants and underwear down at the same time and pull him forward. Leaning in, you wrap your hand around his cock, feeling the throbbing under your palm. He lets out a groan and gasps as you flick your tongue out over the tip, tasting his precum and then wrapping your lips around the head.
"Oh god oh fuck please god you feel ...OH GOD ....no, no...stop..no time for this," His hands are back in your hair and he's pulling your head back, pressing his lips against yours again, pushing you backwards and climbing over you. "I need to feel you, right now, I need to be inside of you, I need you..." he's kissing and panting, frantic, moving between your legs. He rips the skirt off and it goes flying. The bra is next and now you're both naked, skin to skin.
Your hips are lifting up to feel him, to take him. "Seonghwa, fuck me....fuck me please...." another growl tears out of his throat and ends on a gasp as you rub your wet eager pussy against his cock, your hand dipping down to position him properly. As he feels the head of his throbbing member rub against your opening, he thrusts forward, burying himself inside of you on a loud moan. Your moan matches his, head thrown back as you're stretched out to your limits. "Fuck, you're so fucking tight. So wet and tight oh my god." He can feel your body trembling against his as he pulls backwards and thrusts forward again, ripping another moan from your throat.
"Look at me." He demands and you open your eyes. He's holding himself above you, his hips rocking against you as he's buried so deep, your walls throbbing and clenching around him. "I want you to watch me fuck you. I want to see your face as I make love to you. I want you to see how much I want you while I'm buried inside of you." You stare up at him, mouth open and moaning as he starts moving with longer strokes, pulling back and then thrusting forward, a moan escaping his lips with every thrust. "Fuck, baby. Fuck, you're so beautiful. I can't take it." He drops down on top of you, his hand traveling back into your hair, holding your head, his other slides underneath your waist and his mouth meets yours again. Your hips are lifting off the bed to meet his, both of you unwilling to stop touching, kissing, moving against each other.
"Seonghwa...Hwaaa.....oh Hwa ...yess..." You're moaning over and over and his moaning is growing louder as you say his name. The next thing you know, you're rolling him over, clenching, keeping him inside of you as you sit up on him, riding him. Your hands are on his chest and his hands grip your hips to steady you. You're rocking your hips while he follows your movements, holding you tightly but moving with you. When you start bouncing up and down, you can feel his body tighten up and his hips start lifting to meet you. "Oh FUCK yes...ride me, please, you feel so fucking good....." Now he's the one throwing back his head as you look down at him, his mouth open and moaning. Fuck, it felt so good, so complete, so right. You bring your hand up to cup your breast and pull at your nipple, watching his eyes gloss over even more as he watches you touch yourself as you ride him. Your other hand is on his shoulder to steady yourself, and you let your fingers trail down from your breast to your stomach then down between your legs, touching your clit and rubbing before stroking your fingers against where both of your bodies meet.
At this, he shoots straight up his hands grabbing ahold of your ass and roughly pulling you up and down on his cock. Your arms go around him and you pull his hair again. His mouth latches onto your right nipple and he's sucking it so hard that it burns. The feeling of him deep inside of you, the friction on your sensitive clit and his mouth on you so roughly has your body literally shaking. Your moans gradually grow into screams, tearing out of your throat as you feel your stomach start clenching. "Seonghwa, fuck I'm gonna-I..I'm gonna---!!" You look down at him and he's staring at you, mouth open, groans and moans coming out of his beautiful mouth, biting his lip, his tongue darting in and out while he watches you in complete euphoria. "Come for me, right now, come around me, I want to feel you, come ....I'm going to fucking cum so hard with you, baby, please let me watch you come around my cock while I...ff-fffill you u-uu-up.." "I--I'm--m ccc ---ccc, I'm....ccc-ccc" your both talking at the same time and his words have you clenching tightly around him, screaming and writhing on him while he is moving you up and down. His hips start pistoning up into you as you feel him release, his hot seed bursting into you with so much force, your walls clenching so hard around him that it hurts. The sounds erupting out of both of you are animalistic.
For a moment it feels like everything is frozen as you both ride it out together, holding each other tightly. His face is buried in between your breasts and he's nuzzling you, you can feel his soft lips pressing against your skin. Your face is in his hair and your arms are wrapped around his head. You feel a few puffs of breath against your skin as your starting to come back to yourself. "Are...are you laughing?" you ask softly. "Mmm...no...just smiling. You're shaking." he whispers against you and then tilts his head back to look at you. You swallow, realizing he's right, but..."You're shaking too, you know." You whisper as you both pull each other at the same time so your lips meet.
This kiss is soft, searching, comforting. Holding eachother and running your hands over eachother softly. He leans back, taking you with him and shifting you to the side. He's still holding himself inside of you and when you go to move, he pulls you back in close. "Wait. Let's just stay like this, just for a little bit more." He says against your lips and you just nod, breathless. His hand comes up to cup your face and he wipes at your cheeks. 'Huh?" you say as you realize they are wet. You go to turn your head in embarassment. Really, crying? "Shh, it's ok." he says to you, petting your hair and kissing you softly. "You can cry, Y/n. It was overwhelming for me too."
"Mmmm. So overwhelming." You say and your lips are on each other again. You hold each other like that until you both slip into sleep, tightly wrapped together.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
@veronicasawyerschainsaw
@shinestarhwaa
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WIP Excerpt
Thanks to @laplumedemaureen for the tag!
Rules: post some writing!
I don't think I've ever posted Akash and Gwen meeting in full so here it is!
From The Secret Portal Part One (Gwen POV)
My left foot slammed into a vent cover, knocking me off balance and causing my butt to slam against the cover, knocking it off. I fell through the hole and somehow managed to grab the edges of the vent. I heard the cover crash onto the floor below me as I dangled from the ceiling. “Hey, who’re you?” a voice said. I looked around, trying to find the owner of the voice when my eyes finally rested on a boy. He was probably a year or so older than me with dark brown skin. He had short and spiky hair and his ears stuck out a little. He wore a yellow polo t-shit over a long-sleeved white shirt and dark-blue jeans. It took a moment to realize the boy was at eye level while I hung from the ceiling. I looked down and saw the boy’s feet were a good ten feet from the ground. He was floating. “Who are you?” the boy repeated. I looked back up. I realized he was kinda cute. Even with the messy bedhead. “Um, Gwen.” “Akash,” he said. Actually, especially with the messy bedhead. I realized I was staring when Akash smiled. “You’re new around here, aren’t you?” When I didn’t answer, he added, “You want me to help you down?” I nodded, and Akash wrapped his arm around me. I flinched slightly—a cute boy was touching me!—but allowed him to do so. I let go of the vent and let him fly me to the floor. I suddenly realized I had wrapped my arms around him. I quickly pushed away from him. “Thanks,” I muttered. I glanced off to the side and panic ran through me when I noticed a bed. I could feel my cheeks turning red. I just fell into a cute boy’s room! As if I wasn’t embarrassed enough. “You’re welcome, Gwen,” Akash said, giving a silly bow. “What’s that short for? Gwyneth or Gwendolyn or, if we’re fancy, Guinevere?” I shook my head. He cocked his head, confused, and I realized I didn’t answer the question. “Oh! No, I mean, Gwendolyn. But all my friends call me Gwen.” “If your friends call you Gwen, can I call you Wendy?” Akash asked, smirking. Is he hitting on me? I shook my head. “I’d rather be called Gwen, thank you.” Akash smiled brightly. “Guess that makes me your friend. Well, in that case, Gwen,” he held out his hand, “you wanna tour?”
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TSP intro
TSP tag list (ask to be +/-): @thepeculiarbird @illarian-rambling @televisionjester @finchwrites
@nebula--nix @literarynecromancy
#the secret portal#tsp excerpt#teaspoon#tsp#my writing#wip excerpt#writing tag game#writing share#gwen amante#akash singh#writers of tumblr#writers on tumblr#writing community#writing on tumblr#writeblr#writeblr community
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hi!
i was just wondering, what is your headcanons for ragequit? I just wanna see your visionTM for them!! /pos
OUUGHGHGHH i guess i just be answering asks now lmao I HAVE SO MANY HGSKDJHKFD
ANYWAYS...
i headcanon that before the events of the game, pebbles and sig didnt get along super well, but it was more of a "haha teasing" kind of way. annoyances to lovers if you will. ragequit post-ingame-events is a lot more complex and would require both of them (though particularly sig) to work through a LOT of shit before an actual relationship could form or whatever. but my general idea for them is that sig and pebbles are kind of like, the babies of the local group. they're younger, their emotional AI is a lot more developed, and in terms of pebbles, painfully human to the point of self-sabotage. when they're feeling shitty, and just want to vent, they go to each other. that isnt to say that moon and suns dont do their best to help, but sig and pebbles understand how frustrating and honestly painful really, really feeling shit can be. moon and suns will often attempt to offer solutions (such as how suns doesn't go to comfort pebbles in the "bug" conversation from the game, they go to providing logical answers), whereas sig and pebbles will just let each other cry it out. there's less of a power dynamic between the two of them, sig is older but pebbles certainly doesn't respect her as much as he does suns, so its less..."embarrassing" to rant or break down to one another because their arent any expectations between them. this is partially how the rot au ends up happening lol
more below the cut!!
General Headcanons:
Sig has a billion nicknames for Pebbles, including: Pebbs, Pebbies, Peebs, "My grumpy little sunflower" (that one comes from the streamer au which is just. absolute chaos)
Sig is very touchy in general. He just. Casually puts a hand on Pebbles' waist, or rests her head against his shoulder, or gives him hugs as greetings, and Pebbles doesnt have to ASK her to! He hates asking for affection bc it makes him feel weak/vulnerable
Oh the bickering. The bickering is so cute. Sig pushes every single one of Pebbles' buttons and it is endlessly entertaining
They trust each other. A lot. Despite the teasing they've seen each other at their lowest, and neither poke fun at shit they know will truly hurt them
#rw ragequit#ragequit rw#NSH x FP#rw shipping#letters#dibz rambles#rw#ty for the ask!!#i love ragequit a LOT and i dont think i explained them super well here but i hope u understand a little
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TAGS AND INTRO
hi!! i'm soup or mike or glitz or whatever name you can find on my carrd - the link is in bio. i'm 20, i'm crazy insane, and i really really like writing (and attention). this is a ref for the stuff i post about that's original (or. original in the tags at least) and the means to sort all that. but i post a shitton of other stuff too - mostly utdr, fnaf, stp, data, and architecture. if you like to interact with people, SO DO I!!! i am a big fan of talking. i am a chatterbox. feel free to tag me on stuff, even if you don't follow. i'm chill. however, due to said insanity, i am also somewhat erratic and paranoid. my dms are mega closed right now. so uhhhh sorry. i am what i am or whatever and you're the guy on my blog. VERY SORRY. i rarely tag vent posts. i apologize for that, but they're not frequent or anything so. HOWEVER i usually tag triggers with just their name. image id is usually in both alt text and below the image. anyways. take a peek into my dark and twisted mind <3 <3 tags and more info below the cut! house bottom text
oh, and most importantly, 🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸
#soup shut up challenge in which i ramble excessively, either in an original post or in the tags. more for my sorting or blocking potential guy who wont shut up tirades.
#burntsoupart it's art!!! made by me!! waahhhhh
[note. i put image id in alt text if i'm posting an image. if i've forgotten, please let me know! i need it too :sob:!]
#burntsoupwords this'll be for fic and analysis i guess. we'll see if i actually bother to sort this shit at the end of the day, but!
#iiritw my cringefail ocs and their cringefail world; the title is 'it is raining in the woods' and i promise it was conceived before stp, though the similarity delights me. follow for loser murderers and hot woman divorce
#data and soup my little experiments mueheh
if theres any ive forgotten or've yet to create, they'll go here.
i am ALWAYS okay with reblogs! if i wasn't, i wouldn't be on the reblog site. and if you're concerned, ask me - my dms are open and waitinngggghg!!!
#soup shut up challenge#burntsoupart#burntsoupwords#pinned post#iiritw#afhg the formatting#data and soup
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Just for tonight… pt2!
Plot: bam takes you out to relive your teen years
Warnings: public nudity, drug misuse, alcohol, mention of death
This ones more sad and short i guess i kinda vented through it 😭
It was 1:50 now and you started changing into thicker clothes to shield yourself from the cold. Bam had sneaked out to get his skateboard, he would be back in ten minutes. God you felt alive again, like a child sneaking out for the first time. A loud wolf whistle sounded from outside your window and bam stood with a backpack and his skateboard in hand. You grabbed your camera and your skateboard you barley knew how to ride in your bag and climbed onto the roof that sat below your window.
"Hey bambam" you greeted him, hopping off the roof "hey y/n y/n, i know where to go follow me" you pulled out your board and followed behind him, you could ride, just not do tricks "supprised you can still ride" he shouted behind him, no doubt waking up a few neighbours "same to be honest" a laugh escaping your lips.
"DICO" bam shouts, next minute dico stands out of the shadows waving "hey shit heads whats going on?" The blunt balanced in his mouth and the lamp post that shon brightly was the only things lighting him up " what are you doing?" Bam asked, you stopped your board next to him, using his shoulders to get you off it "just hanging out with frantz in the skate park, we have weed"a devious smile spread on his face, that wasn't unusual though "cmon y/n" bam took your hand and led you over the small hill in the darkness to a small skate park where you could see frantz lying back on a bench, a cloud of smoke drifting away from him "frantzy we have visitors" fratzs head turned fast at the mention of his name "oh hey guys!"
The atmosphere was AWKWARD, bam skated around while you sat inbetween frantz and dico who were cracking jokes to eachother and reminiscing on childhood 'dramas' that werent so dramatic anymore "oh god i wish i had past me's struggles" frantz laughed passing the almost finished blunt to dico "speaking of past dramas and struggles... y/n! Hows that nose doing?" Wow dicos using your name for once "dented, look" dico and frantz both squint at your nose "still small but you can see the stiches, neat" frantz speaks softly "yeah it was a bugger to deal with" the silence was undoubtably awkward again "im sorry for calling you fattie i thought you found it funny" "ofcourse i didnt you idiot" you both laugh awkwardly "so y/n, where did you go?" "Delaware" they both tilt their heads in confusion "yeah ive got my own apartment and i play the electric guitar in the local pub" "when are you going back?" You paused a little after frantz question, god you didnt want it to be true "tomorrow..." "yikes..."
Bam returned, out of breath and smiley "cmon y/n follow me" you followed him and waved goodbye to frantz and dico. He led you to a flat ground and took his backpack off. 3am it was, Cold but the sky was slowly getting lighter and the air was crisp "finally old enough" bam says pulling his backpack off his shoulders, sitting down after it. You sat too, confusion on your face visible "drink! Here i know ciders your favourite" bam passed you four big bottles of cider before pulling his own drink out "bam thats too much! How much?" He flings his hand your direction "forget about it, i owe you it anyways" you open your first cider and put it to your mouth, the bitter yet sweet alcohol swimming down your throat "i guess so. So what have i missed with you bam, whats been going on?" He stared at the sky with a unreadable expression "im miserable, utterly miserable" bam flumps down onto his back, you following after him "you know i got a ton of money, chicks are coming for me left and right yet im still not happy. Is there something wrong with me?" You giggle slightly at his dramatic tone "no bambam nothings wrong with you. Close your eyes and think of what you REALLY want, then tell me." "I cant do that its embarrassing" "bam we might never see eachother again, try it" he goes silent for a minute giving you time to gulp your cider
"Fuck fine okay" you lay back down next to him and he closes his eyes "i uh... um... i kinda want... you?" A army of guilt stabs your heart, god why didnt you just wait at west chester "im sorry bam... you got me for tonight" "just for tonight?" "Just for tonight..." suddenly he pounces on you, kissing you like he was starving. Without words you both take off your jeans and shirts KNOWING what was about to happen "are you okay with this bam? I mean like public" you where down for doing it anywhere but bam was more private, he didnt like anything out of his comfort zone "its going to be okay, im going to do things how you wanted them" he moves his body so that he was kneeling between your legs handing you a bottle of cider, getting his own too "cheers" with that you both downed as much as you could, putting the bottles down carelessly and continuing the kiss, the strong taste of cider from both your tongues making the experience so much better.
*CRUNCH*
Both of you froze as you head leafs and branches shuffle arounf, the sound was far enough but it soon became closer "quick! oh shit" bam whispered frantically, shoving his clothes on, you started too aswell "WHOS THERE?" You hear from behind you, a deep manly voice followed by a flash light that shon on the both of you. Bam had packed the drink back into his bag and got his skateboard ready, you had everything on but your shirt, failing to find it "FUCK" you screamed, picking your board up and the shirt that conveniently hid under it.
You both ran for your lifes, giggling like the kids you once where "BAM MY SHIRT!" He turned round and his face dropped "oh my FUCKING GOD" you both continued to laugh, running through the streets that where dimly lit by the years old street lamps and the moon that went down slowly untill you met a black alleyway "how the fuck did that happen" he says breathlessly "i couldnt find it!" You shoved it back on and stopped for a breath too, god that was fun.
You spent the next two hours drinking the rest of your ciders and taking photos of bam trying to skate untill the sun came back up. The fact that pedestrians started walking by made you realise that it was time to go, tome to say goodbye to westchester, to bam “bambam…” “yea babe?” God hes got far too comfortable “i need to go home now”
His eyes got watery and he faced away to hide from you “ill take you, lets go”
The skate home was sad, no words where spoke and bam done none of those unnecessary flips that are only just to show off. You got to your bedroom window and he just stood. He wasnt the man you met two days ago, he was the boy you knew six years ago again. The same expression on his face when you would be upset with him or when he had a bad day and came for you for hugs and a cheering up. The morning breeze blew your hair gently, it all seemed too perfect, perfect weather, perfect breeze perfect couple or so someone passing would think. “I need to go bambam” he just shrugged his shoulders and kept his head facing down “enjoy delaware” “i will…” with that you climbed back to your window, no goodbye.
Your parents woke you up at 2pm and you said your goodbyes, you knew once you left it was never going to be the same. Next time you see your dad it would probably be at your moms funeral and the same with everyone else is this ‘perfect’ town.
The car journey home was grim, no music, no dancing, no goodbye.
1am. you sat in your bed, you werent exactly sad but you felt empty like westchester was the reason for that huge hole in your hard that was never filled.
*tink*
*tink, tink*
You opened your blinds to your window hoping that the magpies werent banging there beaks off it again
“Hey sunshine! Wanna let me in its fucking freezing out here?” “BAM!”
@randomqueero :)
#jackass#chris pontius#wildboyz#bam margera#ryan dunn#cky#viva la bam#steve o#mtv jackass#fanfic#johnny knoxville#dickhouse#dave england#spotify#cky crew#wee man#danger ehren#preston lacy#rabb himself#someone help
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So. Trigun Stampede.
Who doesn't love Trigun. I first saw the series back in high school and that show has stayed in my top five ever since.
So when news hit that a remake was in the works, I got excited. Especially after hearing the 3D animation was actually really good. Change in style or not, it was worth a look!
...And then I watched episode 1.
And it should be studied on how not to do episode 1 of a remake.
This is going to be spoiler city down below. Irrational venting too :)
Funny how I'm starting off with a 'spoiler warning' when Trigun Stampede spoils a major plot point in the OPENING SEQUENCE. We immediately are introduced to child Vash and Knives, even Rem is there.
At first I was thinking, okay that's weird. Sort of skipping over the build up and mystery of their connection and just explaining it right away, fuck my drag I guess.
But, whatever, the show starts off with a bang, it's an impressive space sequence.
And then we get a time jump and we're introduce Meryl and.... Roberto De Niro. And they're reporters.
....Where's Milly.
Where is she.
And who is this cardboard cut out of a character she got replaced with?????
I just finished the episode today and I don't remember SHIT about this man or what he looks like. Just a carbon copy of every cop type/doesn't play by the rules/I'm getting too old for this shit/you're in for it now, rookie
I could spot Queen Milly ANYWHERE, tall sunshine girl with a bad ass gun up her coat. And she was a legitimate partner to Meryl, they actually liked each other.
They were cute, in the original it right away establishes their dynamic as pretty in over their heads, but still hard workers. Why did this need to change, what does it addWHERESMILLY
And might I just say insurance disaster investigators is way more fresh and funny than regular ass news reports, it just is.
So anyway, in Stampede they're looking for Vash for an interview. And they happen to run into him. He's tied upside down. Not a terrible intro, a big part of Vash's character is him getting into wild situations.
They then immediately find out his identity from some military guys passing by.
Compare this to the first episode of the OG. Vash is built up like crazy. We see the town he's 'ruined', different bounty hunters are after him. Vash is so mysterious that all these guys confuse each other for who's the real Vash.
In Stampede? 'Yeah that's Vash, moving on'
THAT'S SO MUCH WORSE WHY DID IT SKIP THE BUILD UP.
It's like this show is RACING towards the next plot point, it's not giving the characters any breathing room, none at all. Any establishing character moments just come off as: fuck I guess we should show something about these guys instead of just exposition for a moment.
In the OG the story is pushed by the characters FIRST, not by a checklist.
Alright so here's new Vash. He looks. Fine. The hair difference is whatever. Not a fan of the new coat. The original was so well designed, the way it moved begged for really dynamic poses. This red coat just a large rectangle. Once again, it's sort of vague, can't recall details.
So they go to a small town bar. And Vash is welcomed by the townspeople.... Naturally, explaining why he's a good guy.
In the OG Vash is just sort of a wanderer that ends up in weird situations. And he IS a good guy, but part of why he's interesting is they show that through subtle moments. Like his dislike of violence, or the dirty look he shows a bounty hunter that's shitty to one of his subordinates.
Even if he's a good guy, there's questions about if he actually is a hero or more chaotic neutral.
In Stampede? 'Oh yeah Vash saved the town for free :D'
So. OG Vash: Insanely mysterious to the point where he can't be picked out from a crowd, dangerous with what he's left in his wake, yet never has casualties, has surprisingly good qualities, is a wacky ass man, goofs around in a battlefield but will rescue people in a split second, shows it all through natural dialogue and how he reacts to sudden situations.
New Vash: We're told he's wanted. We're told he's got a high bounty. He's pointed out to us right away. We're told he fixed a power planet. He's told to look at it again. He's told to participate in a duel by someone else so he does.
I don't want other characters to explain Vash or characters pushing him to his next plot point. I want to see Vash reacting, making decisions, saving the day because he sees the opportunity and jumps right into it.
It's only during the duel that we see a little of Vash's real character. That he's non violent, good with a gun, and a little quirky. Idk why we had to go through a wackass plot to get here, but we got here.
And then it ices the cake with ANOTHER Knives reference at the end of the episode. In episode 1 of Trigun OG, we see Knive's gun in the OP and thats IT, we don't know his name, we don't even know there's a villain yet!!
Trigun OG perfectly captures a stylish slow burn, but keeps it exciting through character's interactions. In the OG we don't even know we're on a colonized planet! The only hint is the two suns and weird ant eater horses in the first episode.
But because we already have three really likable characters in the OG, we want to follow their stories, we're along for the ride, we want to figure out his mystery of what's going on.
Stampede has all the pieces but it's lacking the heart, plain and simple. It lacks the original style, pacing, kick ass music, it's more interested in the lore rather than the characters, it cut out one of it's best characters, Vash is blander in both look and personality, and while the 3D animation really is pretty good it just can't compare to the 2D original.
Some of this rant is just 'it's not as good as the original', but even if it was a stand alone it's front loading of information is really sloppily presented.
All that being said, this is just episode 1. Who knows maybe it'll pull a hat trick and become a good show.
But just based off episode 1, I can't see it becoming a great one.
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don't mind me just going on a wee vent below the cut! enjoy this jacqueline instead of the vent!
(an oldie but a goodie, saved this as "something about being stabbed as good emotional trauma". ok i go vent now)
BUYING A CAR HAS BEEN AN EXPERIENCE?
I know I blog about him every so often but Fitzy is, for context, the very first car I ever drove and have been driving since getting my permit in 20 fucking 11. TWENTY ELEVEN! HOLY HELL! I low key picked him out lmao, my parents brought us kiddos to the dealership when we had to replace the civic as old as me bc it got TOTALLED on the HIGHWAY by a TRUCK REAR ENDING IT, and my mom pointed out the Fit and went ou this one's cute!
And I stood beside it and went holy shit. It's me sized. And I sat in it and went OH MY GOD I LOVE IT. And it was BLUE and had a SPOILER and a lil bug eyed face and looked like it had FEELINGS and I said to my dad "if we get this car I am driving it"
I was 11 or 12 lmao.
My dad was like "We'll see about that"
in my head I was like "it's 4 years! we'll still have the car!"
I guess my dad wanted to trade it in? He didn't, lol, and then I got to learn to drive in Fitzy! AND BOY DID I DRIVE HIM! My siblings did, too, so Fitzy's been a real champ in our lives! We all learnt to drive with him!
I didn't take the car fully from my Dad until about, 2019? I got the car for a year in 2016/17 and it was EXCELLENT, I LOVED having it, the ability to just GO PLACES?!?!?!? BEAUTY! I covered some oil changes and bigger fixes and Fitzy kept. On. GOING.
I named Fitzy in 2017 when I had him for the year, and it caught on then! And he was such a verbal lil car (mostly bc things broke a lot bc he was also 10 at that point and FILLED WITH RUST BEGINNINGS) and he pulled to the left always which was funny bc like, why. We never knew. Honda didn't know. Mechanics didn't know.
He has ALWAYS had a slightly loud muffler, but not obnoxiously. It was very FUN to accelerate on the highway with him.
In 2019 my Dad's work went remote; so I took the car back home with me and became the main driver. It was, in all but name, my car. I had to save him from being declared unsafe by fixing the shocks, but we had many many years after that! My GOD we drove all OVER. It was FUN! It's still fun! but not very safe anymore I'm afraid ):
My duderinos, I fucking LOVE that car. And it has been such a hard 365 days for him ):
About this time last year I learnt that the rust had progressed to the point where the rear passenger seat had a giant fucking hole under it. I was given the ok to still drive it, but the moment someone sits back there? DANGER MOBILE. So, I put the seat down and it became CONDEMNED. Given the wedding, Richard and I kept making trips up and down and we had a HELLA snowy winter so the roads? COVERED in salt. and if you live anywhere like Canada with brutal winters, you KNOW salt is a KILLER on cars.
So, Fitzy's rust got worse. Every time I went for oil changes, they'd remind me hey, rusty car. maybe think of a new one? Then we'd discuss how feasible this is and they'd make it driveable bc it wasn't in the cards to get a car--between shit markets, FITS NOT BEING MADE ANYMORE!!! AND Richard also having to replace his car (rip Goldie you are missed every god damn DAY), it was in our best interest to keep Fitzy going as best as we could.
So I DID
We MOTORED. I've done 120km ish on that car JUST ON ME OWNSOME! And it was FUN! I love that car SO FUCKING MUCH. I know like, it's just a car, blah blah, I GET IT but like. GOD. He's important to me!!!!
So this year rolls around. And Poor Ftizy. My god. He is going through it.
January: wheel well pops off and tire shreds the plastic. I call CAA, they bring it to Honda, Honda tells me to put the car down. Nothing has changed; they just saw the rust and are more SALES oriented as opposed to my mechanic!
February: alternator goes
March: muffler has lost an anchor point; won't stop rattling along. Rust on the bumper finally gets to the point where the bumper pops out of the side. Y'all. I duct tapped that boy. Fucken eh.
April: MUFFLER BREAKS INTO 3 PIECES. FITZY HAS GONE FROM STOCK CAR FUN TIME TO HOLY SHIT SOMEONE HELP THIS CAR. We're planning for the wedding so I cannot fix him, alas.
May: Fitzy is benched ): bc muffler ): Goldie picks up the slack; post honeymoon, mechanic finds some expensive fixes. Asks Richard if they're band-aiding or what? Richard makes the executive decision to leave it, arranges a new used car with his mechanic. RIP Goldie; enter Ruby.
Late May: Given Ruby joining the fam, I get Fitzy fixed. We can't replace both cars anytime soon so. Here we go!
The mechanic recommends a muffler specialist down the street; they fix Fitzy up REAL NICE. He drives like he used to! I was like, we will be SAILING THIS SUMMER! HELL YEAH
So what happened?
Upon Richard getting a new car, I was thinking more and more about Fitzy. And the anxious levels alllll year every time I went to drive waiting for the next shoe to drop (the next thing to break). I started doing research, to see what the best car to replace the Fit would be. I start pricing shit out, seeing if two car replacements in the same year is feasible. June rolls around.
June: I went to the mechanic.
Regular maintenance; they do what they can, and they see how the rust has progressed.
The answer: WORSE. Worse enough that new rust related problems have appeared, and they break down everything wrong with the body:
still got the flinstone hole
anchors for back seat belts are compromised due to corrosion levels back there
spare tire carrier is rotten
left AND right rockers are rotten
left front axle seal is leaking
essentially, if someone rear ends me? I'm crumbling WITH the car. The structural integrity of cars today is such that they crumble AROUND you, keeping YOU safe. Fitzy...didn't have that ability anymore.
So after a month long deep dive into used HRVs vs Fits, and what's around, and what I'd like, I book a test drive for an HRV, and...got it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
So now Fitzy is finally being retired. After I've saved him from the brink of death about 2 times. It was BOUND to happen eventually--I just wish it hasn't been the SAME year as wedding and Richard's car replacement and EVERYTHING ELSE going on this year.
But my GOD, am I EVER relieved! I cannot begin to tell you how excited I am for the new car and being able to DRIVE! WITHOUT WORRIES! Well, Fitzy worries lmao. The worries of collisions or things are there, but my god is it ever nice to be able to GO PLACES AGAIN WITHOUT FEARING FOR MY SAFETY! And Richard and I have had to coordinate drives and trips bc one car use only for the most part and it was getting hard!
BUT GOD IS BUYING A CAR EVER EMOTIONAL
On top of me pack bonding with my Fit, this weekend was a WHIRLWIND:
test driving the car was fucking NICE
the sales staff was gr8 and didn't rush us or force us to buy. answered all my fit and hrv related questions; all of richard's more financial/warranty sort of q's.
They tell us to take lunch to go talk it over, and we do
we have a 2 hour discussion over omelettes at a ma and pa diner about if we should do this, given what we learnt about the market while there and our own needs
this included: can we function with one car? do we feel financially secure enough for this? Will leasing/fianncing (which is what we did) break the bank? y'know, all that fun adulty shit
ultimately, you can't put a price on A) safety, and B) mental health! and not having a car that works has SUCKED for my own, bc a huge portion of my independence has been GONE, and it has SUCKED
so, Harley, Fitzy's replacement, has been acquiered.
HERE'S THE EMOTIONS PART THO.
SATURDAY:
upon making this decision amongst ourselves, we inform the parental units! my fam: relieved as FUCK. Proud and happy for me. Figuring out what to do with Fitzy now (that's a whole thing)
Mother in Law? not so much
IMMEDIATELY gives Richard the MEANEST lecture on everything he and I discussed over lunch and the past month, berates and guitls and just ruins the vibe
RICHARD gets all upset about it, we spend the drive back home venting about it, mood very ruined, doubts seeded (despite us doing our research and making sure we weren't getting fucked and such)
we get home and he THEN has to call her back and let her yell MORE before she goes "I'm calm and just concerned" and he explains what we did and how it's working and all that jazz and how we are going to be ok
this whole experience was exhausting
SUNDAY
sleep tf in bc we are TIRED
my parents call to chat about Fitzy and tl;dr: they have steel dealers there that'll pay a lot for Fitzy and want to bring him back and scrap him there
this was a whole thing. "can you drive it up?" i could but do NOT feel comfy given the issues cited at the mechanic. "what if we drove it?" same issues! your safety is important to me! "we can tow it" that'll be pricey "we can tow it ourselves!" can the van do that? and so on
turns out they were doing that bc they remembered the van they had, which had the EXACT SAME ISSUES AS FITZY (rust was killing it, then the muffler broke and they fixed it, then the power steering needed replacement but was in such a rusty area it could result in MORE damage they'd have to pay to fix, not the mechanic), and they got 0 money for it. So. My Mom was determined to find a place that'd give us a decent amount for Fitzy
And also, she and my dad are grieving the car too lmao, one of the places was called car heaven and my mom had. emotions about it
so that was a LOT to deal with, on top of MIL's finance lecture we did not need bc YEAH GIRL WE BE KNOW? Yeah
"blah blah PARENTS CARE" THEN THEY COULD AT LEAST BE NICE ABOUT IT. OR STRAIGHTFORWARD ABOUT IT
but we get that wrapped up and my parents find a way to tow the car home safely for all of us, promise to make sure the van is safe enough to do that :)
MONDAY
so after ALL THAT exhausting shit, comes the Big Day: INSURANCE DAY
Richard and I get quotes online when we can at work, to come home and call and settle on the best rates
on lunch, I get YET ANOTHER FINANCE LECTURE from my friend in STATS and it felt AWFUL.
"i dont wanna be like ur MIL," she said, AFTER KNOWING WHAT HAPPENED THERE!
it SUCKED. didn't help that she was tired bc she had a bad night sleep, but man did it make me upset and sad! I KNOW the interest is a LOT but WE ARE NOT FLUSH WITH CASH AND DO NOT HAVE GOOD CREDIT AND HAVE BEEN SPENDING WAY TOO MUCH ON CAR REPAIRS. Everything I've paid into Fitzy this year alone? COULD COVER THE NEW INSURANCE POLICY FOR THE Y E A R
i dislike being talked down too and i dislike people talking to me like i'm stupid bc I feel like a lot of people take my bubbly-ness and like. general friendly-ness as a clue that I've got NOTHING going on up there and I can be taken advantage of
AND SURE MAYBE I'M NOT THE GREATEST WITH NUMBERS OR BUSINESS TALK, BUT I'M NOT FUCKING STUPID AND I FEEL LIKE ALL MY FRIENDS WHO ARE OLDER THAN ME ARE LIKE "haha. you are baby" THE FUCK I AM! I HAVE INSURANCE NOW
not that I didn't before. but now I have me OWN policy
AND THAT WAS ACTUALLY SO PAINLESS? SHOPPING AROUND INCLUDED?
so YEAH.
It's been a very emotional few days between lecture after lecture and trying to make these decisions with a lot of people undermining you and today before coming up to the laptop after we got insurance worked out, Richard turned to me and said "your spirit seems so much lighter now" and it IS! I CAN DRIVE WITHOUT NEEDING TO DO A NERVOUS SHIT AT EVERY ON ROUTE AGAIN! I DON'T NEED TO WORRY ABOUT THE NEXT NEW WEIRD NOISE! HARLEY (that's Fitzy's successor's name) DOESN'T DO THAT SHIT! I HAVE A WORKING CAR AND THE MONEY WE WILL SAVE FROM BAND-AIDING OUR BEATERS WILL BE A NICE CHANGE OF PACE! AND I AM TIRED OF PEOPLE TALKING DOWN TO ME AND TREATING ME LIKE I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING! GAH!
Soooo YEAH. If you've made it this far, that's what I've been doing the last 3 days. CAR STUFF.
Fitzy, you were an absolute G, and I love you so goddamn much, you will always be the BEST CAR I have EVER had, and you will ALWAYS BE in my HEART and I will remember you FONDLY! He's got a space in CS now--he always has but it's even more cemented now (Jacqueline drives Fitzy. And he is. In his PRIME in CS, and I think that's the best thing I could do to remember my lil blue anger machine for forever) and I am going to miss that car so much but THANK YOU, FITZHERBERT. HE GOD DAMN FIT!
(THAT CAR PHOTOGRAPHED GOOD IN THE GOD DAMN SNOW! And dw dw Pate will have a new home in Harley! RIGHT ON THE DASH. Or on the rear view, tho I may go full old portuguese lady and put a rosary on there (we got a very pretty one from a family friend for the wedding and I uh. I'm kinda vibing it)
#dani speaks#personal#fitzy#and cs FACTS so you all now know what car Jacqueline drives#FITZY WILL LIVE FOREVER THERE BC JACQUELINE FUCKING RUST PROOFS#IF MY DAD HAD RUST PROOFED FITZY !!! I'D STILL BE DRIVING THAT CAR SAFELY!#anyway thanks for reading if u did lmao. the car stuff has been A LOT#and i appreciate the vent space tumblr offers and the people who read and give that lil like or reply for serotonin lol#and yes. the vanity plate is what u think it is#it's my dad's so it will be retired given that harley is registered to ME (and richard)#and fitzy was registered to my dad!#out of context jacquelines#dani doodles#those are so i can find the doodles later lmao
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I read your thoughts on Princess... Well I can say that the Japanese fanbase also dislikes her. Their fan content often portrays her as an airhead. Mostly for being gullible for believing anyone who talks to her. Just to let you know.
well shit guess i'm becoming a weeaboo /j
but uh... i dislike alicia for a multitude of reasons, none of them really being that she's gullible. more that she's... (sorry abt the language. i woke up from a 12 hour nap just now and i am Very Loopy) a fucking bitch imo. Princess Bitchtits over here thought a *day* was long enough for her to assume that oersted wasn't coming for her.
not to mention her defining character moment to me is her dumping a painful amount of verbal abuse onto oersted before leaving the minecraft server permanently. and for frankly bullshit reasons. i've had to deal with a couple verbal beatings for nonsensical reasons myself.
cw for below the cut: talk of abuse and trauma, this probably counts as a vent
... i kinda have this subconsious bias against alicia apologists, and even people who just... ship alicia with straybow or oersted. because when i see alicia, i see my abuser. i see the person who told me point blank they wouldn't care if i died when i was at my absolute lowest. i see someone pretending to be my oc twiz, too. (i made twiz before i'd even heard of live a live, so even though i know i'm wrong abt the "twiz ripoff" thing, it still sucks)
and when i see any oersted and/or straybow x alicia content... i can only see that same abuser being shipped with my favorite characters. the same characters who had helped me heal during that awful time. this sounds a little messed up, but i also see my abuser having "stole" the characters from me. like she just went "Oh, these characters helped you? They saved your life? Too bad. They're mine now." like, i don't even ship oersted x straybow. i just hate alicia that much. i doubt i'll ever be able to separate that character from my abuser at this point.
so yea. alicia apologism... hell. even any positive talk about alicia is very upsetting for me to see. that's why i've made the "cw alicia" tags. that's why i go on massive tangents tearing alicia's character apart sometimes. that's why i see alicia apologism as a red flag.
#cryptid running the drive thru (ask)#spoiler tag#cw alicia#cw alethea#cw abuse mention#cw trauma mention#cw vent#im so sorry anon
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My bad experience in a radfem Discord server - XY Cemetery by tomieradfem [3/5]
If you haven't read it, go to the first post (link below).
If you don't care, keep scrolling.
We're near the end I think. Wow this is longer than I expected.
Nika doesn't think what I said was too bad, she even says it's just a misunderstanding, but if I was weird in Riri's dms then the others are right about me.
Tomieradfem spread lies about me. You know that because you saw when I showed the dms with Riri. There was no "weird shit" in there.
At this point I felt a strong urge to clear my image.
You expected me to cater to Riri, so yeah.
No you weren't respectful at all. The tone was very hostile.
I'm racist confirmed again? Wow. Racism is a HEAVY accusation that a certain group of people happens to throw around like it's nothing, completely devaluing racism. But you're totally not like that tomieradfem? You're superior to libfems, after all.
Oh, me being straight?
Here's me about being straight:
(There is a channel for anonymous confessions, but I trusted these people. Bad choice!)
Apparently being straight discredits me or whatever. So I was confused whether I was straight or possibly one of these 99% osa people but still bisexual because of that 1%. I really wished I was bisexual so I can perhaps find love (I will probably practice separatism during my lifetime, but I'm too young to know right now).
And here's tomieradfem being an idiot, thinking heterosexuality isn't real and that women are brainwashed to be attracted to men. That heterosexuality is unnatural and it can be "reconstructed". For a century LGBs claimed that sexuality is not a choice, but apparently this 19yo gal has it all figured out. This is also potentially leaning into some political lesbian arguments. (I know she said most women, not that all women are ssa, but it's still a ridiculous claim.)
No, nobody can make themselves attracted to women. It's innate from the moment you were born. You don't discover that you're ssa, you always knew deep down. Which is why I came to the conclusion that I'm probably straight. But the fact that my vent was used against me is just mean. I thought this was a supportive server.
Continuing:
Nah not if you're in an echo chamber.
I never went crazy in Riri's dms. She's lying.
I think everyone should reconsider joining this server actually, unless you're a bully or a doormat.
Nika is right except there is no such situation. You're not Andrea Dworkin you're freaking 19, stop acting like you have it all figured out, not even the woman herself had during her lifetime.
My story didn't matter to this server. Also I never showed an ego.
I said shut up after being harassed. Also I'm not wrong, y'all just didn't hear me out.
Wow they sure as heck protected Riri there! I'm such a disgusting racist, Japanese women need to be protected from me. Also I'm not a westener. Tomieradfem is a westener tho. And how the heck can you call me a racist when you're the one calling out a group of people unlike me?
Apparently Alex was some racist gal they were friends with for 2 years, they didn't figure it out until recently somehow? At this point, I am not buying that she was racist. Not saying she wasn't, but I don't trust their definition of racism.
OKAY SO this where I step in with my alt:
This might be immature of me, but please understand my position. They were spreading lies about me, a very new young radfem who just joined the community. I wanted to clear my image by showing the server what REALLY happened. I immediately went to delete the alt, but I was banned from the server before I could. I don't think I broke any rules though. Come to think of it, the server doesn't have any rules, except obey the mob I guess.
(Calling them a mob might seem harsh to you. This is why I called them that:)
(I saw her post on insta, she didn't say anything that's bannable. She even had the grace of censoring your name. Meanwhile you're trying to deplatform a radfem because you had a disagreement. Good thing mass reporting doesn't work on insta. Also notice how that person said "done" without any questions asked. And the tomie's "ily"...she is the definition of toxic.)
What did I think would happen after this? Tomie and her mob would be angry, but the other more neutral members would see where I was coming from and that they were lying about me harassing Riri.
Here's what actually happened: (we're ALMOST done btw!)
I won't even comment on these, I think they speak for themselves.
("Meme" in 5th post)
The rest is in 4th post - only a couple of images left.
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