#oh my god this is like 450 words already maybe I should write an essay

[thisfuckingdork]

I woke up at like midnight and am trying to work on my assignment but I made the dumb choice to listen to Tikkle Me and now I can't stop thinking about Jenna Begay so feel free to ignore me. But,

Jenna is lying to everyone including herself, and has all parties fooled. It's not hard to see that a large part of Jenna's character is about how environment shapes people, and I feel you can clearly see that in how she acts. Jenna comes from a deeply impoverished and abusive household where she has shaped her identity and understanding of herself around her academic prestige because it was her escape. She manufactured this brilliant, pragmatic, and detached woman that she could hide herself in. She has separated herself from her (for lack of a better word) humanity for protection. She is obsessed with being the 'smart' and 'rational' one because she's forgotten how to be anything else and she doesn't even recognise it. If she isn't smart and rational she's nothing; there's nothing left, and she's terrified to admit that. Hell, even when she's goofing off and pranking people its not only in a way that proves her smarter than them but does so through deception; she got one over them. She's incredibly competitive because she's better than you, she knows it, and she needs you to know it too. Because if you don't think she's the best what do you think she is. When Chase and Leo got together she was alone. She had only herself for protection, and thus she lost so much of what she had left of who she was and further became what she had to be to survive. Hot take but I genuinely don't think she likes Chase romantically. I think she just saw Chase and Leo each take her best friend away from her and desperately wants them back. She want's her friends back and she wants who she was back. But she can't admit it because her wanting back what she lost is a betrayal; She has had to work so fucking hard and sacrifice so fucking much to get where she is now. And now that she's there, she doesn't remember how to stop; she takes her laptop with her on vacation to distract from the fact that she doesn't know who she is when she isn't working, to distract from the fact that she's returned to the environment that built her. She reads a textbook on the way there. The mask has become the face I could write (much) more but I need to get back to the essay I'm meant to be writing rather than starting another one lol. Is it clear that Jenna Begay is the fictional character I most relate to? anyway~ Wake Up by Tikkle Me is so Jenna Begay coded that it hurts