#oh my god that was the saddest ending ive ever seen

[qhostcaptain]

just finished the final episodes of ghosts. im not ok.

i have never cried so much over a series oh my god that was absolutely heartbreaking DO NOT talk to me i don’t even know what to do with myself anymore.

[throwawayyaccount]

yes!! tbh i dont thinknany adaptation ive seen so far (the movie or what ive heard about the musical) does dally and johnnys relationship justice. like they love each other soooo muuuuch

the musical absolutely does not, and that's what's been bugging me ever since i've heard it. to me the saddest thing about johnny and dally's deaths is that both trusted and loved each other and wanted to get out of the situation quickly, but together, and for them to die after struggling during the whole story hurts a lot.

in the musical, johnny's death feels flat because they didn't elaborate in their dynamic nor made them "special" as the book does– and dally's relationship with johnny feels the same as everyone else's as they both have no more than one scene interacting just with each other. i think you'd be moved if you knew about the characters beforehand, but I don't think it would work for someone who sees it for the first time, at least that's how it happened in my experience! i'm not trying to discredit the musical in any way because again i love it, the cast puts a lot of emotion in their shows (especially johnny and dally's in their respective songs oh my god the way i CRIED), it's specifically the script i have a problem with, it could've been better.

don't know if it's something worth mentioning but i enjoy musicals and that's how I found out the outsiders, so i know how it can be a medium that can make the audience feel numb when a character dies, and i was surprised with the outsiders because they didn't really accomplished that???? again, i think it only works if you knew about the characters before because you're already attached to them, but someone who sees it for the first time? i don't think so.

but that's the only aspect I have a problem with, the musical has a lot of strengths as well, and one of them is the way they handled the curtis brothers storyline, but that's a completely different topic!!

as for the movie I HAVEN'T WATCHED IT YET!! all I've heard is that dally and johnny also don't have a lot of scenes together so I didn't feel motivated, but just from what i could tell i don't think it's an adaptation that makes their relationship justice! as you said, they love each other so much, come on, what's an 80s movie if it doesnt have a little bit of queercoding? the movie does have it already for those with the eyes to see yeah, but the book is like the bible compared to the movie.

sorry for the rambling but those were my honest thoughts!! didn't know it would end up being that long. i don't want to sound like a bitter johnny/dally shipper (even though i am) but no one can deny that what they had was special and the adaptations weren't exactly accurate with their dynamic

[kuroimarzipan]

To return the ask I was unable to answer for you: I'd love to hear your Kingmaker thoughts! Or Wrath, if you'd prefer.

HELP I MISCLICKED BEFORE I WROTE ANYTHING AND HAD TO EDIT THE POST LMFAO anyway im gonna answer for kingmaker only tonight cause i gotta go to bed and i spent too long writing shit out but i might reblog this and add answers for wotr on after work tomorrow lol

Favorite Male Character okay so i could be normal about this. i could. or i could let everyone here know that i mentally put together multiple AUs where esteem got together with dragn after witnessing like three lines of dialogue. yea the smith guy. the one without a portrait even.

BUT if i had to be more normal about it then its gotta be ekun. i just want that guy to be happy and i really enjoy how weirdly well he gets along with esteem. also he's like. the most ruthless good character ive seen in a while which i really find interesting. makes a great minister too. he just has this reassuring presence in your party like hes got your back you dont have to worry. also: dogy :^)

Favorite Female Character

okay so i went into this game assuming kanerah would be my fave and i was like. ready to finally not have to headcanon a romance and shit. and then this bitch named valerie came along. and oh my god she's such a piece of work. so principled. so hypocritical. so abrasive and easy to rile up. she's loyal because she's decided to be loyal. she turns on you for wanting to kill a guy early in act 2 and then turns BACK on him because he hits on her. she doesnt even realise shes gay. ever since she killed fredero because esteem pushed her to do it ive been thinking about it. ive not read the dialogue for her canon straight romance or whatever because honestly i dont care whatever the fuck im doing to her in my head is way more interesting to me. ive done all the stuff for her hellknight ending and im very excited heehee.

Least Favorite Character

kingmaker is interesting in that i had a really poor first impression of a LOT of the companions, but after having gotten to know them, i... honestly dont rlly hate any of them?? there's still a few companions that end up benchwarming for me bc i just like others more, but its really not been like wotr where the party lineup was so polarising for me lmao

WAIT I JUST REMEMBERED JHOD. fuck that guy. i dont even have a particular actually good reason either. i just think his vibes are rancid

Favorite Ship

specifically that moment when hegend drew his weapon and went to attack valerie and the moment combat initiated esteem hit him with the chains of light which was followed by a maximised empowered magma blast from kanerah which one shot him. that felt good

aside from that i kinda wanna see amiri and nilak reconcile at some point??

Favorite Friendship

i like that ekun the complete and utter loner was the person that taught esteem how to actually have friends instead of just manipulating people into appreciating her. i like to think he figured that out by the time his last quest rolled around. they have this kinda silent trust.

Favorite Quote

this was such a good moment to me specifically because of the circumstances of esteem having been chased out of its home because of what it is and then having tartuk tell it that it would never understand?? it was COLD AS ICE telling him that before dealing the killing blow and taking his crown. defining moments tbh

Worst Character Death (if any)

i have a feeling this is yet to come for me 🙃

This made me so happy you have no idea Moment

maybe its silly but thee loyalty these two have hehehe

Saddest Moment

TBH another thing i think is yet to come for me.... i know that last act is gonna hit hard

Favorite Location

the swamp witch's hut... i actually really love the old beldame and all the lil storylines going on in that map so so much it rlly helped me solidify a bunch of important things abt esteem's backstory too lol

[ramrage]

now tht the dust has settled..... thoughts on mwiii campaign ?

oh god this has probably been sitting here for 27 years, hasn’t it?, my apologies—tumblr mobile is super ass and butt with highlighting inbox notifications, even tho (to me!) theyre the most urgent but WHATEVER!, anyways thank you so much for the ask, the fact that people care about my opinions on anything is so flattering, so i smooch and kiss your head, basically

full, rambling essay (which tbh is way longer than it needs to be) below the cut

id be lying if i said i was pleased, and this is coming from a fannish perspective /as well as/ a plain ol’ gamer perspective.

starting with the fandom bit, specifically The Culling of Soap, because i assume that’s what youre here for:

so, im a complete and utter fool and actively sought out spoilers despite not wanting to see them, so i already knew soap was going to kark it. it is what it is. my hope—tho tbh, it was more of an assumption—was that it was at the very least going to come with nice, high-quality emotional moments to fuel the ghostsoap fire.

which would make sense, no? this was only the 2nd campaign ive ever played, but going off the writing in mw2 and the few scenes ive seen from the 09 campaign, i assumed they’d give a main character’s death a bit of care. like a whole ass heart-wrenching cutscene right after soap got shot. and they really could’ve.

how it went:

- little cutscene with soap (kinda anticlimactically) playing the hero and then getting shot

- return to regular gameplay in which you have to literally just. press a button or two.

but why couldn’t all of the above been a cinematic? like, the gameplay task wasn’t remotely challenging or engaging—it didn’t add to the experience. i can say that it reminded us that we were, in fact, playing a video game and not watching a movie, but?? who the fuck cares? the campaigns shine because they marry visual narrative storytelling with gameplay. ideally, you take the best bits of both to create a whole greater than the sum of its parts, but imo, that was very much not the case.

instead, they used the ash spreading scene as the emotional suckerpunch but omg I am so sorry, that nonsense was BEYOND corny. I was genuinely waiting for the soulful bagpipe rendition of Amazing Grace to start up (as is the tradition for at least irish catholics. i reckon the same goes for their scottish counterparts).

I must recognize the scene’s silver lining, though. That’s right. Three cheers for Ghost looking like the saddest wettest cat to have ever worn BOOHOO MAN joggers. Great choice, by the way, to put the boohooing man in boohoo man. Gotta give it up for that.

But overall, I was rather disappointed by the lack of banter in this campaign. Evidently, there was more banter that I missed, presumably because my style of play is running in guns blazing, screaming “LEEEROY JENKINS”

Which brings me to the Gameplay Section

It was a lot like DMZ! I like DMZ! Which is really fucking lucky because here’s a comprehensive list of mwii and mwiii game modes that are a lot like DMZ

- the campaign

- resurgence

- battle royale

- zombies

- co-op missions

- raids

and now for the game modes that /aren’t/ like DMZ

- multiplayer

I understand the Paper Pusher Powers That Be rushed development severely, hence the massive amount of reused/repurposed content, but like. I don’t care? Fuck that. At the end of the day, we were offered an expensive-ass bowl full of leftovers mixed with heat-and-serve frozen dinners. Not cool, man.

It makes me extra-pissed hearing that the developers got worked to the bone for this, and it pisses me off that they’re receiving a great deal of the heat re: the game sucking. It’s /so/ not their fault that corporate did as corporate does, that being focusing on the money instead of the quality of the product. y’know, the thing that actually compels people to spend money in the first place.

I have no idea how or if they plan on salvaging this, but I hope they do. It’s pretty damn embarrassing if they don’t.

[hello-yue-here]

About your atla ship songs, I have a couple of questions (sorry if my phrasing comes out wrong, english isn't my first language and I worry it might across as accidentally defensive): how did you end up with the choices for zukka, jetko and yuekka (note: I haven't seen the great comet, so feel free to obsess over it, I'm intrigued now and the hype is appreciated!)? Sidenote: I think the mailee choice is HILARIOUS and the tokka one just make me sad, I didn't expect to be attacked like this😭

kdjfha;s i love you im gonna obsess SO HARD over great comet now. you may regret this

this is gonna be so long so the rest is under the cut whoops

yuekka: no one else from great comet

where do i even begin. WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN

okay so background information on this show: it's based off of a 76 oages excerpt from war and peace and its centered around a woman named natasha (and this guy pierre but he's irrelevant to this song so we wont worry about him) and natasha's bethrothed is off fighting in the war right now. she hasn't seen him in a while but she is in love with him.

every single lyrics of this song SCREAMS yuekka to me. the innocence and purity of their love. the love at first sight. and even the melancholy ending just- i go apeshit for this song. i love this song so much. and denee benton's voice??? kljsdhflwksugf please listen to this song if you haven't already. listen to the whole show. your life will be changed forever.

onto the lyrics (i stg this is ab to be the whole song whoops)

"the moon"

THOSE ARE THE FIRST WORDS ON THE SONG. natasha and andre (her bethrothed) met underneath the moonlight. Sokka and Yue first spoke to eachother at night and always met each other for their most intimate moments under the moonlight. also yue is LITERALLY the moon so like: right of the bat with those two words it's yuekka.

"and i saw your eyes / and i saw your smile / and the world opened wide"

sokka fell in love with yue the moment he saw her in the canal. she literally enchanted this motherfucker. everything about her made his heart go crazy. and 'the world opened wide' to me is from yue's perspective. Yue had never left the north pole and sokka had seen a good chuck of the world at the point. He took her on appa, he told her about his adventures. he saw the world yue wished to see and you know damn well that Sokka would have done anything to give it to her.

"oh the moon /oh the snow in the moonlight / and your childlike eyes and your distant smile / ill never be this happy again / you and i and no one else"

natasha sings fondly about the moon and the snow, seeing as it was where she fell in love with andre. yue and sokka LITERALLY fell in love in the same place: in the snowy nothern water tribe under the light of the moon. childlike eyes: THEYRE CHILDREN!!! distant smile: this is where it gets a little sad. theyre both children with way too many duties during a world that has known nothing but war for the past century. they want to be happy but yeah, theyre smiles are distant and far away because happiness seems out of reach for them most of the time. i'll never be this happy again: the moments yue and sokka shared together were probably the happiest either of them ever were. they were able to ignore the war and the world in the moments they shared together. and with no one else. no one else would be able to give each other this sense of peace and happiness and love.

"joy and life inside our souls / and no body knows just you and me / it's our secret"

Yue and Sokka had to sneak out in secret at night to go and see each other. Yue and Sokka couldn't be together for real because Yue was already engaged, but they were literally in love so she decided to see him anyways in secret. kasdjfhklasjd im losing my mind over them at this point.

"this winer sky / how can anyone sleep / there was never such a night before / i feel like putting my arms around my knees / and squeezing tight as possible / and flying away"

these are my FAVORITE lines in the entire song. yue and sokka had never felt this strongly about anyone before and that's why they are so drawn to each other. they had never experienced love before and they wanted to hold onto it for as long as they could even though they knew they couldnt. Sokka takes yue up on appa and she is wistful and wishes she could live like he does every day: ie flying away. oh my god these two deserved so much better. so much fucking better.

now for the saddes part. the saddest fucking part.

"maybe he'll come today / maybe he came already / and he's sitting in the drawing room / and i simply forgot"

natasha misses andre so intensely at this point. when i first listened to this show and heard this song i was like "wait a min... is andre like... dead?" and im sure i wasnt the only person who assumed that this was why natasha felt so sad by the end of such a beautiful song. (spoiler alert andre is fine)

but this line really exemplifies how sad natasha is, and hints at the fact that andre may never come back. it implies that their relationship is doomed (at least in my opinion) and that's all yuekka. Sokka misses yue intensely when shes gone. Yue accepted her fate almost immediately but sokka was in denial. he thought there had to be another way. but in the end it wasn't meant to be. and sokka will go on, loving yue, wishing for her back, even though it's not possible.

fuck im gonna cry.

zukka: all i've ever known- hadestown

"i was alone so long / i didn't even know that i was lonely / out in the cold so long / i didnt even know that i was cold"

sokka is from the swt so theres where the cold comes in. also in the gaang (initially) it was just him katara and aang. and katara and aang were much closer to each other than sokka was with aang and the two of them were benders so sokka was kind of an outsider with the two of them. He also represses a lot of his emotions and feels the need to do everything himself so i do see a lot of loneliness in sokka. and the fact that so many people in his life have left him (his mom, yue, his dad, suki briefly, etc...) he is known to keep people at an arms length. i see a lot of loneliness in sokka.

zuko's loneliness is a lot more obvious: he has literally been cast out and abandoned by everyone except iroh. and even then he still feels the need to be alone (remember zuko alone? thought so) these boys look after themselves and push others away and revel in their loneliness in order to keep themselves from getting hurt. at least in my opinion on canon and also some fanon because id be a liar if i said fanon didnt influence how i view ALL my ships (not just zukka)

"all ive ever known is how to hold my own / but now I wanna hold you too"

COME ONE MANNNN, they just wanna hold each other. theyre both very big protectors as well and kljhflkasdhg they wanna protect eachother like kljdhfl im gonna lose it rn.

"You take me in your arms / And suddenly there's sunlight all around me / Everything bright and warm / And shining like it never did before / And for a moment I forget / Just how dark and cold it gets"

SUNLIGHT SYMBOLISM. zuko is literally powered by the sun. i don't think i even NEED to elaborate on this one anymore lol. They find comfort in each other away from all of their trauma. when they're together nothing else matters and i personally love that for them. they both deserve love.

"I knew you before we met / And I don't even know you yet / All I know is your someone I have always known"

these two are extremely similar in canon. many parallels. older brothers overshadowed by their prodigy little sisters. longing to make their fathers proud (granted one dad is good and one is fuckin evil), both are pretty bad with emotions. both are seen protecting others before themselves (sokka protecting suki during the serpant's pass, sokka protecting toph on like multiple occassions, zuko protecting katara in the final agni kai), the list goes on. they know who the other is because they see themselves in the other person. they already know each other because they are each other (in a way, not entirely, but the similarities are strong in my opinion)

"I'm gonna hold you forever / The wind will never change on us / Long as we stay with each other / Then it will always be like this"

i just think this line is so cute and sweet (ignoring all the symbolism and foreshadowing that comes with the last line in the musical itself. im gonna pretend this is nothing but happy) and i think these boys deserve happiness so yeah. this song is zukka to me lol.

jetko: thrill of first love- falsettoes

if you've never listened to this song go an do it now. you will know INSTANTLY that it is jetko because of the dynamics alone. marvin and whizzer are pure jetko and i take no crticisms.

marvin and whizzer are both extremely stubborn, and they don't always get along, and they fight a lot, and they get mad at each other a lot, and they are both passionate as hell, and they will bring this passion into everything. they love each other that is without a doubt, but they arent perfect and they are once again stubborn and determined as fuck.

sound familiar? it's literally jetko.

the lyrics aren't what remind me of jetko, but the dynamic itself. the lyrics are too on the nose for a gay couple in 1970's america so that rlly cant apply to jetko all that much. but the way these two characters bounce off of each other and get annoyed with each other and argue with eachother reminds me of jetko. because let's be honest: these two are the most stubborn characters in the whole show. they will fight for what they believe and it will take literally everything to change their minds.

i love jetko but i think they would have petty arguments all the time and get aggravated by one another so easily. and this is even seen in canon: they work so fucking well together but they did not even HESITATE to fight one another after neither of them would give in and let the fight about whether jet was right or wrong about zuko being a firebender. like i cannot say it enough they are stubborn as fuck.

but underneath all that stubborn pettiness and bickering: marvin and whizzer still love each other. and jet and zuko would still love each other. because even though they are stubborn when it comes to arguments, they are even more stubborn and determined when it comes to each other. these two passionate motherfuckers are in love.

(now when i chose this song i decided to ignore the fact that this song literally spells out the fact that marvin and whizzer's relatinoship is doomed because they literally say passion dies. thats the difference between jetko and whizzer and marvin because i dont think passion dies. i chose this song strictly for the bickering lmao)

and i know you didnt ask about tokka but,,,,

i rlly wanna talk about the tokka one

so im going to

tokka: on my own- les mis

look. i KNOW this song is about unrequited love and i love tokka as a couple but,,, the unrequited love in this song just SCREAMS unrequited tokka to me so thats what i went with.

eponine is a girl who has neglectful parents who lives life by her own rules: toph. eponine is shown to be tough and confident and spunky to others but behind all of that she has emotions, she feels love, she hides her vulnerability so much: toph. she is in love with a guy she cant be with because he loves someone else: TOPH

eponine is toph to a t and toph is eponine to a t. this is not up for debate lmao

"without him i feel his arms around me"

toph is always seen grabbing onto someone (and its almost ALWAYS sokka) when she's somewhere where she can't use her feet to see. FEEL and ARMS cmon. look at it.

"and i know / i know that he is blind"

COME ON. IMAGINE TOPH SINGING THIS LINE. this line is already powerful enough in les mis but having toph, a blind character, sing it just makes the symbolism even deeper. toph sees the potential relationship they could have together. toph sees that sokka is oblivious to this. toph is not blind to the truth or the potention, but sokka is blind to her feelings. im about to lose my mind over this line.

"I love him / But every day I'm learning / All my life / I've only been pretending / Without me / His world will go on turning / A world that's full of happiness / That I have never known"

i need to sit down for a moment. toph grew up in a household where her parents did not understand her. she has learned to hide her true emotions and vulnerabilities from everyone. and its the fact that toph knows that she and sokka will never be together and the fact that she still loves him in spite of that is what makes this even more heartbreaking.

"but only on my own"

TOPH AND EPONINE SWEETIES I LOVE YOU

thank you for indulging my theatre kid nonsense. you are very sweet and kind and lovely and awesome and i hope you have a lovely day bestie :) <3

ask me why i think these songs go with these ships

[alicedoessurveys]

Doctor Who Tag

yes im a nerd...

CHILDHOOD

1. Did you like DW as a child?

I was 10 when it came back on telly with Eccleston and the first episode with the autons scared me so much my mom wouldn't let me watch it again until a couple years later, but yeah my teens I was obsessed with DW... still am at age 25

2. Your age at the time of the revival?

10

3. First DW episode you ever saw?

‘Rose’

4. Did you have any of the toys?

I still have the eleventh doctor’s screwdriver... I used to have some of the figures but there in storage now somewhere

5. Which DW character did you play on the playground?

didn't play it on the playground

6. Monster(s) that scared you most as a child?

all of them! the ones that still scare me now are the Cybermen and the Autons... genuinely cant walk past a shop mannequin without being suspicious 

7. Joke/story you didn’t get as a kid?

as a kid, any of the innuendo type jokes

8. DW opinion that has changed since you were a kid?

idk I think I still have the same opinions

9. Who introduced you to DW?

parents

10. Did you like Sarah Jane Adventures as a child?

I LOVED SJA!! I miss that show, and Elizabeth Slade :(

DOCTOR

11. Who is your Doctor?

Ten was the doctor that made me fall in love with Doctor Who 

12. Your favourite Doctor?

omg why not just ask me who my favourite child is... (I don't have kids but you know what I mean) if I had to chose my top three are ten, eleven and thirteen

13. Least favourite Doctor?

purely just because he doesn't have enough episodes... nine...

14. Best regeneration?

none of them I hate regenerations :( they make me sad, im too emotionally invested in every single one

15. Do you like “Doctor-Lite” episodes?

they're not my faves

16. Who is the most human Doctor?

I think nine maybe? or twelve?

17. Best multi-Doctor story?

the 50th anniversary special 

18. Best Doctor monologue?

“Hello Stonehenge! who takes the pandorica, takes the universe. but bad news everyone, cause guess who? HA! You lot you're all whizzing about- its really very distracting. Could you all just stay still a minute because I AM TALKING. Question of the hour is, who's got the pandorica? Answer, I do. Next question, who's coming to take it from me? Come on, look at me! No plan. No backup. No weapons worth a damn. oh and something else, I don't have anything to lose. So, if you're sitting up there in your silly little spaceship with all your silly little guns and you've got any plans on taking the pandorica tonight... just remember who's standing in your way. remember ever black day I ever stopped you and then- AND THEN- do the smart thing... let somebody else try first.”

not copied and pasted, remember that from the top of my head... its always there waiting in my mind incase I ever need an epic monologue :’)

19, What do you think TenToo/MetaCrisis Doctor is doing now?

hopefully living his best life with Rose

20. Best Doctor/companion pairing?

ten and donna 

COMPANIONS

21. Favourite companion?

Donna, Clara, Amy

22. Favourite secondary companion?

is Mickey classed as secondary? idk

23. Least favourite companion?

Ryan

24. Best TARDIS Team?

Doctor, Amy and Rory

25. Most underrated companion?

Graham, but that may just be cause I love Bradders

26. Most overrated companion?

Rose... I like her but idk, I think she gets more hype than she deserves.. don't @ me

27. Favourite companion’s family?

Rose’s mom

28. Who should have been a companion but wasn’t?

idk I cant think of anyone

29. Favourite (canon or non-canon) DW universe relationship?

Amy and Rory

30. Who did you not used to like, but really like now?

wasn't keen on Bill at first but by the end I really liked her, same with Rory

EPISODES

31. Favourite episode ever?

girl in the fireplace

32. Least favourite episode?

most of Chibnall’s episodes tbh sorry not sorry 

33. Which episodes do you skip?

the regeneration episodes

34. Best two-parter?

Human Nature - Family of Blood

35. Historical, present day or futuristic episodes?

I like them all in there own way but I think present is fave, then historical, then future

36. Episode that will always make you smile?

all of them

37. Episode that will always make you cry?

Rory and Amy’s last episode :’(

38. Best run of episodes?

ugh I cant answer this theres too many 

39. Best cliffhanger?

the end of Spyfall part one when the Master reveals who he is... I was SHOOK

40. Favourite Christmas special?

Voyage of the Damned

SERIES

41. Classic Who or New Who?

new who

42. Favourite series?

four or five

43. Least favourite series?

eleven, I just cant with the writing

44. Which series do you skip?

none

45. Favourite series opening?

eleventh hour

46. Favourite series finale?

Doomsday

47. Best series arc?

Bad Wolf

48. Thoughts on series 11/12?

I adore Jodie Whittaker and her doctor, and although I think 3 companions is too many I do love Yaz and Graham (Ryan is hit & miss). I just think theyve been massively let down by the stories/writing... they’ve tried to hard to tick certain boxes and completely missed what Doctor Who is about for a lot of people.. an escape from the real world into these outrageous unbelievable but lovable fun alien adventures 

49. How much of Classic Who have you seen?

not a lot

50. Who should have had another series?

NINE NINE NINE NINE NINE 

MONSTERS

51. Favourite monster/villain?

the master 

52. Most creative monster?

Weeping Angels, whoever came up with monsters that look like statues and only move when you're not looking at them is genius 

53. Monster(s) that scares you most?

Autons, Cybermen, the creepy dolls from Night Terrors, the ones from Waters of Mars, Weeping Angels

54. Monster you think is too easy to defeat?

idk

55. Least favourite monster/villain?

absorbaloff

56. Monster you want to return?

The Master, I really hope that isn't the last we see of Dhawan

57. In your opinion, what makes a monster good?

being genuinely scary, 

58. Daleks, Cybermen or Weeping Angels?

Weeping Angels

59. Best Dalek story?

Daleks in Manhatten

60. Best one time villain/monster?

my brain has gone blank I cant think of an answer right now 

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

61. Torchwood or Sarah Jane Adventures?

SJA

62. Favourite Torchwood Team member?

I haven't watched it all so I couldn't say 

63. Which Torchwood death made you saddest?

again, not watched it all 

64. Do you rewatch COE or MD?

huh

65. Favourite SJA Team member?

Sarah Jane

66. Mr Smith or K-9?

K-9

67. Maria or Rani?

Rani

68. Do you read the comics/novels or listen to Big Finish?

Nope

69. If you do, your favourite additional stories?

n/a

70. Do you like DW analysis (video essays, fan theories, etc)?

yes

DESIGN/PRODUCTION

71. Favourite piece of alien tech?

the sonic, I love how it is so multipurpose except for when it comes to wood 

72. Favourite piece of Murray Gold music?

I am the Doctor - gets me pumped every time 

73. Favourite TARDIS design?

Ten’s Tardis 

74. Has the 2005 era CGI aged well?

actually yeah, I was rewatching the ‘are you my mummy’ episodes the other day and my God when the gas masks emerged from the faces... ooooooof I was like omg how 

75. Favourite Doctor outfit?

eleven or thirteen

76. Monster with the best design?

not really a design more of a costume.. I live Dhawan master’s costume. that shade of purple, oof he so stylish 

77. Best show runner?

idk

78. Best writer?

Gatiss

79. Best opening titles?

eleven’s titles where the Tardis is flying and being zapped is cool but thirteens music hits different 

80. Will DW age well/stay popular in the future?

I hope so, I feel like its lasted this long surely it can last forever.. if the writers don't fuck it up... 

IF YOU WERE IN THE SHOW

81. Time period you’d want to go with the Doctor?

whatever time means Id get to wear the most beautiful costumes

82. Planet/place you’d want to go with the Doctor?

Galifrey, pre-desctruction

83. Doctor you’d most like to travel with?

any of them, please and thank you

84. Companion you’d most like to travel with?

donna, sceso a good laugh but also I feel like she’d look after me 

85. Monster you’d like to defeat/fight?

The Master 

86. If you could go back on your own history (like Father’s Day), where would you go?

back to when I was a toddler, I wanna see what I was like 

87. If you could ask the Doctor anything, what would you ask?

theres too many to ask 

88. Historical figure you’d like to meet?

Shakespeare

89. How do you think you’d meet the Doctor?

id probably be rescued from doing something stupid and then the doc would be like you know what the bitch clearly needs supervision she's coming with me 

90. Would you travel forwards or backwards in time first?

backwards

IF YOU MADE THE SHOW

91. Historical event would you like to see in DW?

Hamilton

92. Issue you’d like to see addressed in DW?

idk 

93. Who would you completely erase from the DW universe?

Ruth

94. One unanswered DW question you’d love to know the answer to?

where is Clara now?

95. Actor/actress you’d like to see play the Doctor?

Phoebe Waller Bridge (or Lin Manuel Miranda)

96. Actor/actress you’d like to see play a companion?

Andrew Scott (yes I did just basically recast fleabag and hot priest)

97. Is DW “too political”?

series 11 got a bit like that 

98. Which characters fate would you changed?

Danny Pink

99. What about DW could be improved?

I think ive made my options about Chibnall pretty clear... 

100. If you could write an episode of DW, any ideas for what you’d do

bring back Jenny, the Doctor / Daughter adventures they would have. I’m actually writing a fic about it if you wanna read.... here

[harristanning]

Season Final Live-Blog

Episode: S3E12 “Camp Corp.”

Spoilers ahoy!

actually terrified. the episode isnt out and im shaking wtf

NOT TO BE DRAMATIC OR ANYTHING BUT THIS IS THE SADDEST THING IVE SEEN ALL YEAR

WAIT WHAT? FLASHBACK?? MAX ARE YOU OKAY

STOP FIGHTING...PLEASE..I CAN HELP...

good idea harrison

NEIL HOLY SHIT

Oh i cant hate old people

no more hitler jokes

GO GWEN!

davids so fucking cute i love him

DAYS!?

theyre such good friends im literally being ripped apart right now

jfc max

HOLY SHIT NEIL

MY HEART JUST SHATTERED

ugly man.

go back to jail ugly

he does care!!

david you beautiful man please smile

HELLO? GOD? JESUS? SORRY FOR EVER DOUBTING YOUR EXISTENCE. AMEN PRAISE THE LORD,

oh.

he likes it there!!

please swear again david

die campbell

HOMELESS TWINK-CALLER IS BACK!

gwen is too good for them

YEAH! FUCK THAT JOB!

MUM HOLY SHIT--

O O F

HOLY SHIT...HARRISON...I LOVE YOU....

he found a home?

HARRISON GETTING JEALOUS AND INSECURE AT A FRIEND TALKING TO SOMEONE ELSE? BIG MOOD. HARRISON BEING BORED AT STUFF HE NORMALLY LOVES? BIG MOOD. I LOVE THIS KID SO MUCH. THANK YOU MILES LUNA. THAT FUCKING KETTLE SOUND EFFECT HOLY SHIT.

THEY’RE FRIENDS

GO HARRISON! BURN, BABY, BURN!

it just dawned on me Max went to Harrison first....im fucking vibrating, lads.

Max: Shut up Harrison. Good to have you back

i dont have a reaction image or a word for my current emotion

Did Harrison set the LARP Camp on fire too?? Amazing!

DELICIOUS! GIVE HER YOUR SEAT HARRISON! AMAZING!

SPACE KID WHAT DID YOU DO

YEAH! FUCK OFF, NANCY!

THEY’RE WHAT

high five him, please

max is a force to be reckoned with

DIE, CAMPBELL.

LANGUAGE

oh, max, sweetie..,,,..

GROUP HUG!

water gun fights...consider me humbled...

Ered: “Hey, Dads!”

Me: *starts crying*

DAVID

IS

IN

CHARGE!

wait i just realised...was there no intro??

Please, let there be a 4th season. I loved this episode 10/10. I’d like to thank everyone for giving Harrison the biggest amount of screentime in the recruitment process. Also, for giving him more lines.

the outro rap is making me cry oh my gof why does it sound like the end

[theabominableblogger]

Rewatching “Gotham” S4E21

*cue both of us with lots of yelling, reacting to frighting imagery, and just being done with everyone*

My sister watched it with me (as well as the other episodes left in my epic “Gotham” reaction series) so my comments will be in bold, and hers will be in regular font.  Author’s notes courtesy of me will be bolded and italicized. 

AN:   I managed to record our reactions to this episode and hopefully I can transcribe what I said into this post. 

Sooo... to break your heart, Ecco is not in the rest of the episodes.

Noooooo...

But they [ the writers] explain like why she wasn’t there.  They kinda explain that they still wanted to go into the Jeremiah and Bruce story line and finish that.

Ohhhh OK.

They wanted to finish that before they got into the whole [Jeremiah and Ecco dynamic].  Plus, basically what they established is that Jeremiah just wanted her to get out of the way so that he could do his plan and he’s like “OK, then we’re gonna do some shit!”

Sounds fair.

And I’m like “OK!  You gotta look out for your boo first!”

‘Look out for your boo,’ I love it.

“Sources tell us Captain James Gordon was at the scene and is missing and feared dead.”  Nope!

“I [Lucius] just got off the phone with Search and Rescue. Whatever blew Jeremiah's bunker was catastrophic.”  *eyes widen in shock*

“I [Harvey] want CSIs out there pronto, and I want everyone looking for Jeremiah Valeska and Bruce Wayne.”  You don’t wanna go looking for him [Jeremiah].

*softly*  Nooooo don’t.

“Jim trusts him [Harvey], okay?  So everybody get back to work.”  Thank you, Harper!  MVP!

*Harvey finds Jeremiah waiting outside the precinct*  Oh shit!

Whaaa... how?!?  What was the time span between these two episodes?

I don’t know...

‘Cause you would think it’s immediate!

Oh I love his [Jeremiah’s] coat!

Uggh.  Look at the hat!  The glasses!

I love that entire look.

I like the natural lighting too for this scene

“JEREMIAH!  JEREMIAH!”  Jesus God, he turned them all into stormtroopers!

Ohhhh that’s a great shot [the wide shot of Jeremiah vs the GCPD]

What voice are you [Jeremiah] doing?

It sounds like he’s doing the Hannibal Lecter voice

It’s Hannibal Lecter and Andrew Scott’s Moriarty...

Except without the Irish accent

*mouths along with Jeremiah saying “boom, boom, boom”*

“Don't compare me [Jeremiah] to that short-sighted psychopath.”  Dude, we’ve met you for two months!

“I'm [Jeremiah] gonna create a new Gotham in my image.  But every artist needs a blank canvas, so all of this has to go.”  *leans back in frustration*  This is like Theo Galavan in S2!

“Then everyone who dies screaming, who watches their loved ones crushed before them, will have you to thank, Detective Bullock.”  *groans*

“Nobody has to die.”  SURE JAN!

*eyes widen in shock when Jeremiah blows up the clock tower*

Hoooly shit!

And that was just the opener!  We are in for some shit ahead!

“Me [Oswald]?  I’d rather live.”  *both chuckle*

Ah, I love Robin Lord Taylor.

“They ripped out my [Jongleur’s] fingernails.”  *both yell in horror for a second*

“Normally, I [Oswald] would keep both of them for myself.  But I find myself a bit short of the necessary manpower- or womanpower, if you will.”  I knew you were gonna say that and it’s lame...

“Hugo Strange can fix Butch.”  What I wanna know is where exactly is Strange operating now.

That’s a good question.

Because his ass is still alive.

I love how like sassy these two [Oswald and Barbara] are.  It’s like, I don’t like Barbara, but she’s got so much sass.

She and Oswald kinda deserve each other honestly.

I know.

They’re each other’s bitchy gay best friends.

Oh yeah.

“Holy Mother of God, Bruce Wayne.”  *gasps*

How the hell did he [Bruce] get out of the grave?

God, he [Bruce] is heartbroken!  Your boy is heartbroken!

“I’m [Harvey] so sick of that freaking family.”  *cackles*

That is a mood!  That is a huge mood!

“Wayne Enterprises built those bombs?!?”  *groans in frustration*

He didn’t know!

He didn’t know!

“Look, I [Harvey] know you [Bruce] feel guilty. But Jim Gordon was- is important to all of us.”  God, they’re both hurting!  So much!

“So go home.  Be with Alfred.  Be safe.”  *whines*  ALFRED ISN’T THERE!

I hate this so much

[INCOMING:  ALFRED]  Oh my God!

“Alfred, where have you been?”  “No, not Alfred.”  *leans back in chair*  SON OF A BITCH!

*groans in frustration*

“I [Jeremiah] hope you [Bruce] didn't catch a cold in my brother's grave.  I know those things aren't exactly designed for the living.”  *flips off screen with both hands*

Wait, did he [Jeremiah] just turn it off?  Did he turn the detonator off ‘cause he clicked it.  Or he just set off another bomb.

I thought it was just an intimidation tactic.  No, we would have heard a boom.

Oh.

We would have heard a boom if there was another bomb.

“Bruce, let’s get something straight.”  Where do you get your [Jeremiah’s] outfits?  That’s what I wanna know!

He was already a well dressed son of a bitch before.

I will raid your closet!

“[Jeremiah] You are insane!”  *holding head in hands*  I thought I was a Pisces...

*laughs*  That is the saddest way I’ve heard anyone deliver that line

“Tell the police and I'll know.  Just like I [Jeremiah] know that's where you [Bruce] are right now.”  How does he know?  Is there a spy...

I’d say he’s bluffing.

...on the inside?

*in unison after a good two seconds*  HERCULES MULLIGAN!

And he’s [Jim] aliiive!

Well duh!

Leeeeee!!!

God, Jim getting up is such a mood!

He [Jim] grabbed a syringe as a weapon.  He’s still konked out.

You are never going to deserve her [Lee], Jim.

“I'll [Jim] have to thank him [Ed] when I arrest him.”  You are really terrible at repaying people!

*Jim rips out the IV in his arm*  Don’t do thaaat!

Why did you do that?!?  Why do people always do that?

“In my jacket I [Jim] got those [plans] from Jeremiah's office.  They may give us some clue as to what he's planning.”  And you know what, those were hanging in the background in the previous episode.

Yep.

*Jim goes back to sleep*  That is the most graceful fall I’ve ever seen.

Selina!

“Bruce, I’m [Selina] gonna be here whenever you need me.”  Aaaawww!!

*laughs in pain knowing EXACTLY what happens at the end of this episode*

“He [Jeremiah] wants something out of me [Bruce].”  “Like what, to be your best friend?”  Yep.

Yeah, actually.

*both gasp and reel back in horror when the first image of Alfred’s torture pops up in the tunnel*

*both immediately hold hands*

“[Lee] You brought him [Jim] here because you thought it would give us leverage with the GCPD.”  “Yes.”  “By holding him hostage!”  *does a WTF shrug*

“This drawing is the key to Valeska's plan.  We solve it and we trade the information for clemency.”  How good is that gonna do you guys?

*shrugs*

“Or perhaps there’s something more going on.”  That’s a safe bet.

Oh my God...

“What happened between Jim and I is over.”  *groans in frustration*

“Ed, if this maniac levels half the city, it's gonna disrupt food distribution, water supply, power.  The people of the Narrows will suffer the most.  We can prevent that, while, at the same time, helping us out of this mess we're in.”  OK, yeah, I’m with Lee.

Yeah.

I’m with Lee.

Yeah, that’s a very good point.

“Do it for us.”  Don’t kiss him again.

Noooooo!!!

*Lee and Ed kiss*  I die a little bit inside every time that happens.

Lucius really is the best.

He is the best.

“But how do we find it? How do we find this brain [the core relay]?”  Foregone conclusion:  you guys don’t find it.

Ohh that’s a good shot [of Jeremiah walking into the building]!  That’s straight out of “Mask of the Phantasm!”

I love it.

*forms an imaginary box around Jeremiah*  A LOOK!  That is a look!

It really is.  With the red gloves!

“I envy you.”  You do noooot!  Shut up!

“Call our friend. Tell him to kill the butler. He’s no longer necessary.“  *shakes finger at screen*  MMM-MMMM!!

You better not!  I mean, I know they don’t, but you better not!

Oh my God, I’ve seen this scene!

“Oswald Cobblepot.  Barbara Kean.  In my stronghold.”  It’s less likely than you think!

“And is that my dear Jongleur with my core relay in his hand and a grenade taped to his mouth?”  Yes that is!

Holy crap, no, he’s [Oswald] like twirling the [bomb] wire!

Yeeeeppp.

A+ hat removal

“It seems you [Oswald] have the upper hand.”  OK, whenever somebody says that, immediately believe that you’re toast!

Those contacts [of Jeremiah’s] are just so unsettling.

They are.

*imitates the way Jeremiah is sitting*

I would like to know who dyed his [Jeremiah’s] hair.

*laughs when Jeremiah rolls his eyes whenever Barbara speaks* 

OK, how do they not realize they’re being had?  If somebody’s playing it that calm, immediately think something is bad.

“ Well, that and being vastly more intelligent.“  Yeah, he’s basically just telling them right there “Dude, what are you guys doing?”

Oh my God, Penguin, are you that dense?

He’s [Jeremiah] probably calling Ecco.  He’s like “Oh my God, can you believe this bullshit?!?”

*chuckles*

Ecco probably dyed his hair.  Headcanon.  There we go.

“We’re not just gonna hand this thing over and let him destroy Gotham, are we?”   “Of course not. Once we get the money, we kill Jeremiah and his people, give the core relay to the police, split the $50 million, and are hailed as the heroes of Gotham!”  WHY ARE YOU ADMITTING THAT RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM [Jeremiah]?!?

I think that’s the boom mic.  It was a little too close.

They’re saying this right in front of Jeremiah!

I know!

“Can you believe it?  They put me on hold?”  His phone wasn’t even on the entire time.

*jaw drops when Jeremiah pulls out the bazooka*

WHAT THE SHIT-

*jaws drop when Jongleur gets blown up*

*softly*  WHAT THE F-

You realize you ruined your entire plan by destroying the core relay.

“ What’s insane about having a backup plan?  Something Jongleur never knew about.”  *imitates the way Jeremiah dramatically brushes himself off*  Oh I’m sorry, gotta brush myself off!

“And whose fault is it that I changed my mind?”  *grabs desk in shock*

I’m altering the deal.  Pray I don’t alter it any further.

“...kill these idiots.”  And he just RUNS!

*chuckles*

Look at ‘im, look at ‘im!  Nyoom!

Look at him go!

“Hello, Bruce.”  Hi asshole!

“ I imagine you’re wondering, why is Jeremiah doing this?”  *puts head on desk*  I’M DONE!

“My brother once said, “All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy.”  OK no, you don’t get to ape that- oh my God, they are literally doing the “Killing Joke” thing ‘cause he’s got all these things on the walls!

Aaauugghh!

*both put our hands on our heads in horror*

AAAHHHHH I HATE THIS EPISODE.  I HATE THIS EPISODE SO MUCH!

*Scarecrow starts breathing*  Jesus God...

*whines in shock behind hands*

“I’ve [Jeremiah] instructed Scarecrow to mix up something exceptional.”  Oh my God,another one?

*slaps hands on desk in horror*

“Your butler is going to show you the path ahead.”  *in unison*  Noooo!

Nooo, we’re not doing this!

Noooo!

He’s [Scarecrow] got the fear gauntlets on [from the Arkham games]!

*both instantly freak out when Alfred gets sprayed with the insanity gas*

“I [Ed] want to make one thing very clear. If Gotham becomes a rock pile, I mind zero percent.”  Pfftt.

“I’m only helping you [Jim] because I’m with Lee now.”  “Fine.  Whatever.”  *chuckles*

You’re full of shit, Nygma.

“ Ed, Jeremiah Valeska is threatening to destroy half the city. You really think I care if you’ve deluded yourself into thinking you and Lee are a couple? ”  EEEEEEEYYYYYYYY!!!!  YES!!

The man has a point.

“[Jim] You don't believe that Lee could actually love me [Ed], do you?”  “Honestly? No.”  OH MY GOD, JIM!

“[Ed] You're a psychopath and a murderer.  And the fact that you need me [Jim] to validate your crazy fantasy means that you don't believe it either.”  *claps excitedly*  HOOOOOOOOO!!!

I don’t trust for a second that you [Ed] can carry on a relationship without hurting the woman involved!

“She’s with me in every way.”  Freeze him!  Put him in ice again!

Please, God.  He did less harm that way.

Can we get back to the topic at hand thank you!

“So you're saying that she [Lee] wouldn't be with a killer?  And yet she was with you [Jim].”  *sits back in frustration*  EEEEEDDDDD....

Noo, EEDDD... he’s saying Jim’s worse than him.

OK no...

*groans in frustration*

���Can we do this?”  *raises hands in air*  Thank you.

*Ed figures out the diagram*  It’s a skyline.

Damn...

“Jeremiah lived his entire life in a maze. Now he's trying to remake the city into the place he feels most safe.”  “It's actually rather elegant.”  Jeremiah’s more of a Riddler than the actual Riddler.

*shrugs*

*shrugs*  Yeah...

“Lee and I have some legal knots we need untangled.  Before we spend the rest of our lives together.”  I’m so done.

Screw you, Eddie!

I’m so done with you!

Now I’m reminded why I didn’t like you!

I liked him in the first half of S4, now it’s just like “Ugh.”

*cheers when Jim knocks out Ed*

THANK YOU!  Thank you for that!  I would have done it myself!

*gasps when the show cuts back to Barbara and Co. taking out the rest of Jeremiah’s goons*

Ugh, you [Oswald] are so boned...

*claps hands with each word*  LET!  US!  MOVE!

“IS THIS OSWALD?!?”  *chuckles*

*chuckles when Harvey abruptly hangs up on Oswald*

*Jim walks back in*  Eeeyyy!

There he is!

*smiles when Harvey hugs the crap out of Jim*

“But what matters is, I have the locations of every bomb Jeremiah planted.”  Oh he wrote them down!

Auugghh, Jim, when you’re awesome, you’re awesome, and when you suck, you suck.

*sighs*  Yeah...

I’m gonna hate this very much...

Ohhhh fear gas!

Ohhhhhhhh, screw that noise.

*gasps when Scarecrow walks up behind Selina*

Aaand that’s him.

OH HE’S GOT A SCYTHE HOLY SHIT 

He’s got a scythe...

LOOK AT HIM, HE’S SO COOL!

“I [Scarecrow] think our little experiment is about to get much more interesting.”  Oh nononononono...

*Selina starts beating up goons*  Oh, go, go, go, go!

“I [Harvey] need this, Jim.”  Let him take it.

Ugghh, c’mon guys!

God, Scarecrow looks so cool...

*both freak out when Scarecrow starts swinging his scythe at Selina*

They’re pumping the hallway that Bruce is in with that [fear gas]!

*shakily*  Yeah...

So he’s actually seeing a bunch of stuff that isn’t happening.

Yeee-eepp.

*covers hands in horror when we see more of Alfred’s torture*

This is like a Nine Inch Nails music video!

It kinda does...

Jesus Christ...

*both reel back in horror*

“Alfred?”  Oh no, did they- noooo....

*puts hands on head in shock*

Noo they didn’t!

*both yell in horror when Fake Alfred gives himself a Glasgow smile*

It’s just fear gas!

It’s fear gas!  It’s fake!

It’s fear gas...

It’s fake, it’s fake, it’s fake, fake, fake, fake, fake, fake!

*shakes hands in worry*  Oh God...

I DON’T LIKE THIS EPISODE AT AAALLL!!

*sighs*  I’m with you there...

*gasps when Fake Alfred slices Bruce’s sweater with the knife*

Oh my God, no...

Where the heck are they?!?

I don’t know...

*Selina finds someone locked behind a door*  Is that where Alfred is?

“Brucey... give me a smile!”  *jaw drops in horror*

Noo...

Nononononono...

Aaahhhh...

*both cover our mouths in horror when Fake Alfred gets shot and goes over the balcony*

“Scarecrow was just pumping his fear gas in here.”  *keels over*  I’m done, you guys!

*both keel over in exhaustion when Alfred appears*

That wasn’t him...

“Look, I’m fine.  it’s me.  It’s Alfred.”  *sing songs*  Huuuugggg him noooooww!

Please...

Aahhhhh....

“Alfred?”  Give this boy a hug, pleeeasseee...

Aaahhhh....

I’ve seen this before, but I’m so worn out... I’m so worn out by this episode...

*sighs*  That’s understandable...

We have 11 minutes to go... then we have the finale.

“I [Harvey]  don't know what it's [the bomb] supposed to look like, but I think it is exactly what I'm staring at.”  Disable it.

Could only wonder how stable that thing [the bomb] is.

*Jeremiah enters the room*  Hooo... that is such a sharp suit...

*snorts in hilarity at Jeremiah’s little smirk of approval that he gives his followers*

“No, wait, Harvey, one of the breakers could be the supercharge fail-safe. Whatever you do, do not touch that one.”  *raises hands in WTF manner*

Well, which one?!?

Vertigo shot....

Yeeeeeepppp....

“This is a message to the followers of Jeremiah Valeska. Jeremiah claims to have killed me [Jim]. Well, bad news, I’m alive.“  *leans back*  Hooooooo...

The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.

Whooooo....

“So, just know you’re worshipping a fraud. A pale imitation of Jerome.“  *jaw drops in shock*

“You did your worst, Jeremiah, and I’m still here.”  Hooooooooooo!!!

Jim almost died and he’s so done with everything.  Drag them!

Oh my God, this is gonna be so great.

*Harvey pulls out one of the breakers*  He did it!  Please tell me he did it!

*both laugh in relief when Harvey realizes he saved the day*

He did it!  YA DID IT, HARVEY!

*Jeremiah realizes he done effed up*  Oh schnap.

"SHUT UUUUUUPPPPPPP!”  *gasps*

...Shit.

*jaw drops open and covers mouth in shock when Jeremiah starts to laugh to himself*

*under her breath*  What the...

He [Jeremiah] just spit on that word [’fickleness’]

*shakily*  This music is also very good...

*chuckles*  [And he] Runs!

Oh, this is where he- yeeeeeeppp.

*jaw drops when Jeremiah purges his followers*

“Perhaps the outcome was not what we had hoped, - but it was worth the risk.”  Everyone’s like “Oswald, shut up.”

Seriously though...

“Let’s go, Butch.”  “Nope.”  *raises hands in air*  Thank you!

“.Ever since we [Oswald and Butch] teamed up, everything's gone to crap.”  He’s not wrong...

��Except I [Oswald] do know where Strange is.”  You’ve held out on this the entire time?!?

“And how exactly do we pay him [Strange]?!?”  “I [Tabitha] can be very persuasive.”  *sighs*

Stab him.

I think that’s a... desanctified church that he’s [Jeremiah] in

Could very well be, yeah...

Oh, he’s [Jeremiah] using an old map...

Yep.

“I [Ra’s] had a vision.  Of Gotham in flames.”  *sits back in seat*  I’m done...

Who the hell...

“Together, we can make that happen.”  Ohhhhh....

“Well, I [Jeremiah] appreciate the offer, but recent events have convinced me of the benefits of working alone.”  You have a girlfriend.

Go to hell, Ra’s!

Just so you know, Jeremiah, you’re holding your gun way off.  His arms are like super close to him; they should be fully extended when he holds the gun.  Dude!

AN:  His hair? WACK!  His gear?  WACK!  His jewelry?  WACK!  His foot stance?  WACK!  The way that he talks?  WACK!  The way hat he doesn't even like to smile?  WACK! 

“Because, my boy, all this is not just about Gotham.”  You are so full of shit, Ra’s.

‘Course it’s not...

“This is about Bruce Wayne.”  Because everything in this GODDAMN SHOW IS ABOUT Bruce Wayne!

Gaaaahhhhhh...

“[Lee] Leave Gotham.  Start a new life somewhere else.”  A day late and a dollar short, Jim.

Wait, leave Gotham?  The evacuation’s still going.

“But whatever happens after I [Jim] walk out that door, I care about you [Lee].  And I always will.”  *puts hand to chest*

And the actors are married and you can teeeell!

God dang it, I hate this.

FRICKINNNNN’-

Go away, Ed!

NOOOOOOOOOOOO... go away...

Mr.  Nygma, I formally invite you to eat from the bag of infinite dicks.

“Give it up for Harvey Bullock.”  Yaaayyy!  Yes, cheer for this man!

*both clap for Harvey*

After all the shit he’s had to put up with!

“Well, I'm [Alfred] gonna take a very long and a very hot shower.”  Yes!

*leans all the way back in seat, thinking about the ending*

Are you OK?

No, I’m nooottt...

*Selina props her legs up on Bruce*  Aaawww!

Oh oh oh oh...

Kiss.  Kiss.  Kiss.

*both start chanting “KISS” then cheer once Bruce kisses Selina*

Ohhhh man... they’re just ticking all the boxes for “How Do We Comfort the Audience After All the Shit They Just Saw?”

*laughs in pain knowing what happens next*

“Why do you [Bruce] think he's [Jeremiah] so obsessed with you?”  Some shit!

*both laugh*

God, this was grueling!

*both yell when Jeremiah strolls in*

*both yell in horror when Jeremiah shoots Selina*

YOOOUUU- NO, NONONONO!

She’s fine though!  She’s fine, because she has the um, the nine lives!  [Selina] You’re good!  You’re good, honey!

*Alfred beats the crap out of Jeremiah*  Gooo Alfred, gooo!

BEAT.  HIS.  ASS!

Go Alfred go Alfred go Alfred-

Please, c’mon!  C’mon!

*both sigh in frustration when the episode ends*

[Expletive]... this... episode...

[tumblunni]

Holy fucking shit tales from the borderlands episode 4 destroyed my heart holy fuck i wasnt expecting genuine emotional pain to come out of left field in a comedy game oh godddd

That was the most effective use of 'shoo out the clowns' that i've ever seen! Yknow, where a story needs to find a way to sideline the more comic reliefy characters when things are starting to get serious. I always like the version where they just have the comic relief character step up and prove they have more depth than expected and can stand alongside everyone else in this serious climax, rather thsn just getting rid of them. And this was so painful cos they did both!! I wont spoil who it is but one of the comic relief characters gets a really badass and really sad death scene and OH GOD i didnt see it coming and why did it hurt more than any other serious thing in an acrually serious game. I didnt think theyd be able to switch so fast from funny to genuineky scary and intense climax! And seriously if the personification of minor role never important just-there-for-the-cute comic relief can die, then they just upped the stakes to ANYONE dying! All we know is that the two playable protagonists survive to be able to tell this story, but fuckin everyone else is up for grabs if they had the balls to kill off such an unkillable character....

And GODDD i could hold back from weeping when it became obvious they were gonna die, i could even hold it back when they sacrificed themself and proved they were more than just funny. But when it just happened to happen in a way that called back to one of the previous comic relief jokes ARRRGHHHH! completely recoontexualizing a funny line into a badass final words! Fuck you you amazing writers whyyy!

Oh man it reminds me of when Doyle did a similar thing in Angel! His last words werent the comic relief thing and it wasnt a recurring catchphrase like this, but they had that emotionally destructive scene of the main cast all sitting around watching a dumb home video of one of his jokes from earlier in the episode, cos it was all they had left of him. Fuckin making me weep at a pun about mice!

And godddd was there any alternate ending where that character could have been saved??? Would someone else die equalky sadly?? Why is this the saddest death in all of telltale, right up there with Lee in the walking dead???

And man this is the only time ive actually seen jacksepticeye openly cry onscreen. So many other way darker and more serioud games over so many years of lets playing, yet this is the one that caught him off guard.. Gahhhhh....

Fuckin hell rest in peace you funky lil trucker

[richard-the-boy-wonder-blog]

I was tagged by: @rebel-eds , thanks for giving me something to do B 💓

1. last drink?: Shitty imitation coffee. 

2: last phone call?: my mommy.

3. last text message?: "okay mommy" you can only guess who i sent it to.

4. last song you listened to?: Best Friends by Grandson. (Its a banger beatbi suggest everyone give it a listen)

5. last time you cried?: Thusday night last week.

6. dated someone twice?:  Yes, and i was mistaken both times.

7. kissed someone and regretted it: I kissed a guy who only kissed me to date my mom.

8. been cheated on?: Yeah actually, and the kicker was that it was an irl relationship between me and this person and they cheated on me with someone from across the country... So.

9. lost someone special?: Not really?

10. been depressed?: Oooooh boy.

11. gotten drunk and thrown up?:  Story time! Ive been black out drunk, once. I invited my current bf over for some video games (we had been dating for like a month maybe) and i thought "boy imma get stupid and put the moved on him" drank 2 things of box wine to myself (1 box is equal to 4 glasses of wine lol) ended up getting sick really fast and left my bf to watch my younger 2 siblings while i threw up. Thats all i remember. (I think i also tried to shave my legs?)

Fave colors

12. Green (every single shade)

13. Black, like oil black so its not as dark.

14. Like a dusty brown yellow color.

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends?:  I think so? I hope so cause theres alot of people on here i just recently met that im already considering my friends.

16. fallen out of love?: Yes... Honestly its the saddest feeling in the world.

17. laughed until you cried?: I did that last night over the fact i said i wanted to become a professional hotdog juicer.

18. found out someone was talking about you?: Yeah, im a snoopy bitch.

19. met someone who changed you?: Oh yes, some of them were for the better, but this one person im thinking in particular... I wish he would stop.

20. found out who your friends are?: Yeah actually, i moved and alot of the people i considered "friends" started talking crap, and alot of the people i just considered stuck up for me.

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list?: Does my mom count?

general:

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl?: Like a solid 80% of them, others are people i briefly met at cons or whatever.

23. do you have any pets?: I have 2 kitties! My sisters fat cat Juno and my demon Leia.

24. do you want to change your name?: Not really, i feel like ive got a pretty cool name.

25. what did you do for your last birthday?: I cried and threw up on myself lol.

26. what time did you wake up today?: 8:46 am i remember because i wooe up amd the first thought i had was: "if i dont get up the carrots will attack."

27. what were you doing at midnight last night?: Editing my fic and watching School of Rock.

28. what is something that you can’t wait for?: I have a sad life thats going nowhere so i have nothing to look forward to.

30. what are you listening to right now?: California Dreamin' by The Mamas and Papas.

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom?: I worked for a guy named Tom. Tom was an asshat.

32. something getting on your nerves?: The fact that im not aloud to sing or dance around the hoyse anymore.

33. most visited website?: Tumblr lol.

34. hair color?: I had purple hair before i dyed it brown, so its kinda like orangy brown with a tint of pink.

35. long or short hair: This is a hard question because my hair is a mega floof. So it looks short but when i flat iron it its fairly long.

36. do you have a crush on someone?: Honestly.... I think so.

37. what do you like about yourself?:  Im not a huge fan of my outsides (my appearance) but i love my insides. I think im hella funny, and goofy but i know im not very pleasant to look at. But thats okay ☺

38. want any piercings: I already have my snake bites and 2 holes in each ear, but im dying to have my bellybutton, eyebrow, and either my nipples or tongue done. (Maybe a double helix UGH i dont know)

39. blood type: i think im AB positive?

40. nicknames: Jae, JJ, Jada, Scoob, scooberndude, bug, beb, moose, little angry one, you.  

41. relationship status: Taken.

42. zodiac: imma Capricorn.

43. pronouns: I mostly go by They/them, but im okay with her/she too.

44. fave tv show: Ive re-discovered 'Dan vs. Everything' and im in love.

45. tattoos: ive got 4, 1 on my left arm, 2 of my right. And one on the back of my neck (i should just face reveal and show them honestly i get asked about them so much)

46. right or left handed: left handed (imma diamond in the rouge)

47. ever had surgery: GOD NO.

48 . piercings: Yep like i said before. Ove got 6, my snake bites and 2 in each ear.

49. sport: I USE to play baseball amd hockey. (I was also on a roller derby team if that counts)

50. vacation: I haven't been on vacation since i was 8.

51. trainers: No.

more general

52. eating: I was told that you should drink water 20 minutes before eating, because dehydration can feel like hunger. I started doing that like a week ago and ive eaten maybe 4 times since 😂

53. drinking: Water 😎 (hydration is sexy, yall should go get some)

54. im about to watch: myself post this amd regret it.

55. waiting for: my mom to get home so i can come put of my room.

56. want: More records.

57. get married? After some consideration, probably not ever gonna happen.

58. career: i dunno yet, i just know i wanna go to film/art school!

59. hugs or kisses: keeses 😙

60. lips or eyes: The eyes.

61. shorter or taller: i dont really mind either, evidentally though its always tall because im short as fuck.

62. older or younger: Still doesnt really matter to me, as long as they aint a pedo.

63. nice arms or stomach: Arms, because i love being held.

64.  hookup or relationship: a relationship where you pretend not to know each other and "hook up"

65. troublemaker or hesitant: im not really either? Like im not very shy, but im not so far out there that i get in trouble.

66. kissed a stranger: Thats how you get hepatitis.

67. drank hard liquor: Yes, i still would but i get hella nervous about it (im a stoner not a drinker eeeeh)

68. lost glasses: yep! Thats why i dont have them now.

69. turned someone down: Not really. No one has ever asked me out before :/

70. sex on the first date: im a hoe and proud, but this is a major no no.

71. broken someones heart: i think so... But they broke all of me first.

72. had your heart broken: Ive had alot more than just my heart broken.

73. been arrested: Yes i was arrested when i was 9.

74. cried when someone died: Ive been crying over David Bowie for 2 years now, yes.

75. fallen for a friend: This is the only way i can get into a relationship

do you believe in…

76. yourself: Yes! I can do the thing!

77. miracles: Sadly no, ive never had one happen for me.

78. love at first sight: Kinda? Like it starts out as "i wanna punch your face in" at first site, and THEN i fall in love.

79. santa clause: yes because my papa is santa.... I seen it.

80. kiss on a first date: i always barf if someone tries to kiss me on the first date. (Not because it grosses me out but because i got bad anxiety lol)

81. angels: Absolutly because all my friends are angels 💓

82. best friend’s name: I... I dont have one? (Does my twin count? Her name is Dawn)

83. eye color: Green!

84. fave movie: Probably Pretty in Pink.

85. fave actor: Lesie motherfucking Jones! This girl is amazing, she went to an art school in Colorado for a basketball scholarship and ended up in theater and on SNL instead. I aspire to be cool enough to earn my way onto SNL.

I should tag some peepes: @trashmouthmissy @spaghetti-head-eds , @thegreatwhiteferret , @beepbeepbongoboyy , and anyone else who wants to do this can and tag me saying i tagged you 😎

[chrissys2boys-dannysteve]

Hope

tags: whump!danny, angst with a happy ending

“Get out of there, Danny.”

“Alright.” The blonde Detective hung up the phone and started to turn back towards the road. But then a sinking feeling hit Danny hard in the gut and he felt a cool chill creep up his spine. He took out his gun and turned back towards the warehouse with every nerve suddenly on edge and crept forward into the darkness. He stopped at the back corner, aiming his gun towards the sky and took a deep breath before peeking around the wall of the warehouse.

A tall man moved around efficiently in the semi-darkness, more intent on what he was doing than on any concern that he might be interrupted. Danny took one more deep breath to prepare himself before stepping out to aim at the suspect.

“Five-0! Don’t move or I’ll shoot!” The suspect froze quite calmly and slowly raised his hands, a phone in his right one. Danny leveled his gun on the man and approached him slowly. “Put your phone down very gently,” the blonde Detective ordered.

“Alright, Detective.” The man said, in an unshakably voice. “I’ll put it down. How about right here on this crate in front of me?”

“That’s fine.”

The suspect lowered it slowly to sit it on the crate. But the man already dialed a number and the explosion threw Danny into a nearby stack of wooden pallets.

~

Danny wanted to have a son with Steve’s eyes. Maybe they could find a surrogate…

The smell of burning wood woke the blonde Detective from the dream… everything hurt and it took Danny a while before he could move and remembered where he was. He looked around but the suspect was gone. Danny got to his feet and searched the ground until he found his gun.

The warehouse, old and dry as it had been, was completely engulfed in flames and Danny could hear the distant sound of sirens. He stumbled towards the crates where the man had been standing and hurried along the backs of the buildings. From the looks of the crates, the suspect hadn’t escaped the force of the blast. Danny had no idea how long he’d been out but he hoped his enemy had taken an equal amount of damage.

Blood trickled down into the blonde’s eyes and the heat from the burning warehouse was almost too much to bear. Danny was nearly ready to give up in order to escape the dangerous flames when he saw the front end of a white pickup parked on a dirt access road at the other side of an old pharmacy building.

The man limping around the truck probably expected to drive away and disappear into the night while everyone was focused on the flaming buildings behind him.  Danny leveled his gun at the man’s back. “Stop! You’re not going anywhere.”

The suspect chuckled. “You couldn’t just lay there for a few minutes more, now could ya?”

“I’m afraid not. You have too much to answer for, so turn around slowly.” As the suspect turned, Danny regretted his instruction almost instantly when he saw the gun in the man’s hand.

~

The man had never hesitated in his whole life… not for any person or in any situation. So he didn’t hesitate now. His first bullet hit the blonde Detective in the side, spinning him away and sending Danny’s shot into the back of the old pharmacy which was now burning like a kindred spirit to the warehouse. His second bullet stopped Danny’s heart.

The man holstered his gun and climbed into his truck. With any luck, the whole block would go up, either masking or destroying the evidence. He backed out of the little access road and headed out of town.

~

Chrissie Miller checked her monitors one more time and glanced up when the big double doors swung open. “That’s the most well trained man I’ve ever seen. Who is he?”

Her co-worker Millie chuckled and put a firm hand under Chrissie’s chin to close her mouth. “That’s Commander McGarrett. He’s here every night.”

“Oh dear God, Millie, please tell me he doesn’t have a girlfriend?”

“Sorry, honey, it’s even worse than that. He’s Detective Williams husband.”

“Oh.” A sad look washed over Chrissie’s face and she glanced down at the monitor. The readings were stable, but only because machines were helping the blonde man breath.

“It’s a sad thing.” Millie explained. “He comes in every night and sits there talking’ to his husband. He just won’t give up.”

“I don’t know if I’m cut out for this job, Millie. If I have to watch a man like that cry, I think it’ll kill me.”

Millie gave her a sad smile. “Just remember that for every tragic loss you have to watch, you get to see at least one miracle cure. You have to learn to look forward to the miracles cause they’re well worth it. Why don’t you go check on Detective Williams? Commander McGarrett’s a real nice guy.”

Chrissie took a deep breath and put on a pleasantly professional smile before walking into the blonde man’s room. The Commander was sitting next to his husband’s bed talking to him quietly.

“Hi there. I’m Chrissie Miller. I’m Detective Williams’ nurse this shift.” She shook the Commander’s hand, then washed hers and checked the blonde’s IV.

“It’s nice to meet you. I’m Commander Steve McGarrett, Danny’s husband. How did he do today?”

She smiled. “He did just fine. His daughter and his sister came to sit with him for a long time this afternoon. His vitals are stable.” She put on her more serious nurse face, “Of course he’s still unresponsive.”

Steve nodded, smiling down at the blonde man in the bed, hopefully. It’d been six weeks since Danny was found without a pulse behind a burning building. It was uncertain how long he’d been there before he was found and he’d been on life support since they brought him in. She honestly didn’t think he would hold on much longer, but she didn’t know how to say something like that to a patient’s loved ones.

“You just let me know if you need anything.”

“Okay, we will.”

Chrissie walked back out to the nurses’ station and put her head down on her arms. Millie patted her on the back. “That’s about the saddest thing I’ve ever seen.”

“It takes some folks a while to let ‘em go.”

~

Steve leaned over to kiss Danny’s cold fingers as tears ran down his cheeks. “You gotta wake up soon, Danny, cause I think I can love nobody else.”

There was the gentlest pressure on his fingers and Steve raised his head, his eyes suddenly wide. “What was that?”

He felt it again.

~

Chrissie watched the monitors at the nurses’ station as suddenly the Commander raced to the door of the Detective’s room, slipping on the polished tiles and nearly falling. ‘Oh dear God,’ she thought. ‘Not tonight.”

She hurried over to catch the Commander’s arm expecting some problem that might finally signal the end and closure for the blonde man’s family. But the tears running down the Commander’s cheeks were the tears of desperate hope and he was smiling… a beautiful smile.

“He squeezed my hand!”

“What?!”

“I told him I can’t love nobody else but him and he squeezed my hand!”

[justintimbershit]

1-100

1: Is there a boy/girl in your life?

helllll ya there is for the first time in the history of me answering these questions.

2: Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?

i dont recall the last person who hurt me so probably

3: What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”

a fuckin cat? 

4: What’s something you really want right now?

i want the bf to be home bc i should be sleeping in his bed rn cuddling w him :( 

5: Are you afraid of falling in love?

in some ways yes but in some ways no 

6: Do you like the beach?

nah fuck the beach. i fuckin hate the same and the heat and the grossness of the water and the people and just everything about the beach 

7: Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?

ya i dont know if we've ever slept slept but like, ive cuddled and half napped on the couch w someone else 

8: What’s the background on your cell?

lock screen me and the bf home screen my puppy

9: Name the last four beds you were sat on?

my own, bretts, probs my bed at home, and my bed at my moms

10: Do you like your phone?

ya its decent 

11: Honestly, are things going the way you planned?

eh thats kinda hard to answer bc i didn't have much planned but i think things may be going better than planned idk

12: Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?

umm.. . idk i need to add new coworkers numbers so it'll be them soon 

13: Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler?

rottweiler !!!

14: Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?

i believe emotional bc it fucking sucks and it usually doesn't heal v fast :( 

15: Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?

hm i really like animals but zoos kinda make me sad but animals are so cute ahhh. but i also like art so idk man. both.

16: Are you tired?

always and forever my dude

17: How long have you known your 1st phone contact?

lmao since the beginning of the school year

18: Are they a relative?

no its my schools emergency service 

19: Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?

i dont have any exes so no 

20: When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?

im texting him rn but i last talked to him face to face yesterday at like 9:30am when he dropped me off :(

21: If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?

HONESTLY idk probs not im in college but i have v strong feelings ya know

22: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

yes pls always for very many more times 

23: How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?

i have zero. not even a hair tie 

24: Is there a certain quote you live by?

nah not really

25: What’s on your mind?

i miss my boyfriend and i want him to come home and im kind mad bc hes fucked up my sleep schedule so bad bc its only 9pm and i feel dead but i want him home :(

26: Do you have any tattoos?

no but yo quiero 

27: What is your favorite color?

turquoise

28: Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?

friday!!!!!!!!!!!!!! which is in so many days but its fine

29: Who are you texting?

my bf and a couple friends

30: Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch?

i have indeed 

31: Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?

yes all the time 

32: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?

i do. one or two 

33: Do you think anyone has feelings for you?

i hope my boyfriend does bc hes dating me :/

34: Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?

yes people have which is weird bc i dont 

35: Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?

id be so fucking sad. the very saddest. my heart would actually break. 

36: Were you single on Valentines Day?

technically yes but i was on my first date w my boyfriend so 

37: Are you friends with the last person you kissed?

we r in a relationship 

38: What do your friends call you?

julie

39: Has anyone upset you in the last week?

yes im like...constantly upset and sometimes its not caused by someone but ya know 

40: Have you ever cried over a text?

lmao oh ya dude

41: Where’s your last bruise located?

i had like 2 or 3 mysterious tiny bruises on my thighs last week idk 

42: What is it from?

no idea tbh

43: Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?

right now. i dont wanna be in my dorm room i wanna be in mY BOYFRIENDS BED

44: Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

my mother

45: Do you have a favourite pair of shoes?

ya i recently bought a pair of chelsea boots and ive only worn them once but i love them and thats the kinda person i wanna be ya know?

46: Do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day?

nah i only wear beanies in the winter to keep my head warm

47: Would you ever go bald if it was the style?

nah my hair is my security blanket

48: Do you make supper for your family?

nah. sometimes i buy brett food from the c-store w a meal swipe if that counts (it doesn't)

49: Does your bedroom have a door?

it does indeed

50: Top 3 web-pages?

twitter, netflix, idk google, or moodle 

51: Do you know anyone who hates shopping?

i hate shopping depending on the kind of shopping

52: Does anything on your body hurt?

my head and my eyes and my ankle

53: Are goodbyes hard for you?

:( so hard lol :( 

54: What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?

uhhhhhhh idk great question

55: How is your hair?

long and in need of a haircut 

56: What do you usually do first in the morning?

turn my alarm off and check my phone 

57: Do you think two people can last forever?

id like to think so 

58: Think back to January 2007, were you single?

yes bc i was like 9

59: Green or purple grapes?

i like both but probs purple

60: When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug?

yesterday when the bf dropped me off :(

61: Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?

with my BOYFRIEND 

62: When will be the next time you text someone?

whenever i get a text back 

63: Where will you be 5 hours from now?

probs in bed 

64: What were you doing at 8 this morning.

sleeping still i think 

65: This time last year, can you remember who you liked?

uuhhhh it think pawel idk 

66: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?

yes i enjoy those ppl very much:)

67: Did you kiss or hug anyone today?

i hugged molly and jess 

68: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

probs something along the lines of “god i fuckin hate my roommate pls shut up”

69: Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?

uuuuuh every minute of my life 

70: How many windows are open on your computer?

so many bc i have a research paper due soon and im doin research 

71: How many fingers do you have?

all 10

72: What is your ringtone?

idk its like the classic telephone 

73: How old will you be in 5 months?

still 19 

74: Where is your Mum right now?

probs at her house but idk 

75: Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?

probs bc i thought i was in love when i was like 9 and thats not how it works 

76: Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?

yesssss !!:)):):)):)):)::)):):)))

77: Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?

for the most part despite not talking as much bc college 

78: Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7?

uuuuuuuuhh no. who tf do i look like

79: Is there anyone you know with the name Mike?

yes multiple ppl 

80: Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?

yeee me gusta

81: How many people have you liked in the past three months?

one 

82: Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?

lol ya 

83: Will you talk to the person you like tonight?

i was but he already went to sleep :(

84: You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?

probs lex or julia

85: If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care?

nah boi lets do drugs together. only the weeds tho. 

86: What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie?

um im pretty sure it was a first date and it wasn't all that great but that boy introduced me and my current bf so worth it 

87: Who was your last received call from?

my mommmmma 

88: If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you?

honestly probs :(

89: What is something you wish you had more of?

happiness and money

90: Have you ever trusted someone too much?

yes it sucks

91: Do you sleep with your window open?

depends on the weather

92: Do you get along with girls?

i do indeed

93: Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?

eh i dont really think so 

94: Does sex mean love?

nope 

95: You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?

not at all 

96: Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?

no

97: Did you sleep alone this week?

sometimes but not all the time

98: Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?

yeeees:):)))

99: Do you believe in love at first sight?

uuuh idk man maybe 

100: Who was the last person that you pinky promise?

my boyfriendddddd

[lifethroughcjseyes-blog]

The Importance of Grieving Through Cjs Eyes

Grief. What a word that is. This word has the power to impact every living person. That is so interesting that no matter where you have lived, or your background every person sooner or later experiences grief. There are two ways you can deal with grief. You can either face it head on or stuff it deep down inside of you thinking, “it will never have to come out. It will forever stay stuffed in there because I will make it. It feels safer there.” I can tell you not only from my own experience with stuffing my feelings and grief down, but also from working in a counseling center, the stuffing only works for so long. Those feelings, the pain, the grief will come out, but the longer it sits waiting to come out the more ugly and harder it becomes. Let me tell you my own experience with this.

April 14th 2010. What a day! I finally turned 13! I was a real teenager, finally, I felt so incredible this day. I felt like I was finally old enough to really hang out with my sisters Caity and Courey. They were 6 and 5 years older than me so I always wanted to be with them, but they usually told me “you’re not old enough.” Well not anymore! I had a simple birthday party at my youth group at little Desert Oasis Christian Center. I had made cupcakes for everyone and I was so excited to celebrate this age. I can still remember Courey being a butthead because well she always was.

April 16th 2010. This is forever one of my favorite days. The night before my sisters and I stayed up watching movies and we all slept in Caity’s bed. We had so much fun! We all had the 16th off so we decided to drive an hour to Tonopah and surprise Courey’s boyfriend at the time and eat at this Mexican restaurant. We had so much fun. I’ve never laughed so much in my life, even still to this day. It was the most incredible day. Us girls didn’t fight we just got to hang out.

April 17th 2010. A day that forever changed my life. Courey was going to Reno this day. She was going with a few friends and the boyfriend I mentioned earlier. I don’t remember where Caity, my mom and dad were as a lot of that time is blurry to me now. But I do remember I got to hang out with Courey the entire day. We watched movies in the morning, and I helped her pack her and bags and clean her car that afternoon. Man I loved this day. It was a Saturday and I remember going to bed that night excited for church the next day. I was waiting for Courey to call once she made it to Reno. I was  waiting for her call on the house phone ( back when those were a thing lol) when she called I was going to have her help me pick out an outfit for church. I remember feeling excited for her. After many years of struggles that she walked through she was finally getting her life on track. She was going to go to BSSM with Caity in the fall. I was so happy for her. Sadly her story and her life ended that night. She was in a car accident and she passed away on impact.

She passed away around 9:30ish at night, we didn’t get the news until some time early Sunday morning probably sometime between 2-4am. I remember being startled awake by the worst most scary screaming noise I’ve ever heard coming from my living room. I didn’t know if this was a dream or if something awful was happening in my home. I peered from my bedroom to look into the living room and I saw my mom standing in the middle of the room. A man and a women on my couch, all I could see were the back of their heads. And then I saw Caity’s feet, she was curled up on the floor, crying like I’ve never heard or seen, it was like a movie. I saw my dad holding and comforting her on the floor. I was really confused. The only thing I could think to explain what was happening before my eyes was “did something happen to Caity’s boyfriend?”( her boyfriend at the time worked at a gold mine) When my mom saw me she came over to me and grabbed my hands and pulled me into the living room with all of them. I turned to see who was on the couch and I saw my dad’s cop partner and his wife. I knew this meant something really bad had to of happened. Cops only bring their wives to something like this if it’s really bad. I know this because my dad had brought my mom to peoples houses before. My stomach dropped. Oh no. This is going to be bad I thought. My mom looked into my eyes with tears in hers and says “Cierra, Courey was in an accident and she didn’t make it.” I thought this is a joke. I told my mom “ no no she’s in Reno remember.” My mom shook her head and said again “Cierra, Courey was in an accident and she didn’t make it.” The realization hit me. My sister is dead. She’s not coming home. I dropped to the floor weeping. This can’t be true. There’s no way. She was just here. She’s a good driver. I felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest. I’ve never experienced so much pain. I felt sick to my stomach. My heart hurt so much I thought I was going to die. I remember after crying for what seemed like an eternity I went into my bedroom and just sat on my bed starring at this one wall in silence trying to wrap my 13 year old brain around what was happening. The lady of the couple came into my room and asked if she could call anyone for me. I needed my best friend Courtney. The lady called Courtney’s parents and her come in my house. Courtney and I sat on my bed and just starred at each other. Not knowing what to say or how to feel. The next few days and weeks are so blurry. I don’t really remember anything, my mind was in such a fog during that time. I remember we had our front door open most of the day and the night as so many people came by to give us food, comfort, love, and flowers. So many flowers. All I wanted was to run, run as far away and as fast as I could away from this. I didn’t want to feel this pain anymore. The next few weeks we had to face so many things that brought up so much pain like her 18th birthday (which my parents, sister and I all got tattooed on for her which means yes Ive been tattooed since I was 13), her memorial, and her graduation from high school.

I honestly can’t recall the next serval months either They went by so fast but at the same time so incredibly slow. One of the worst things when someone dies is the look people give you. The “are you ok?” look. Man I hate that look. Its the saddest look people give you. It seemed no matter where I was I would get that look.

I started 8th grade fall of 2010. Caity moved to Redding to do BSSM. In matter of about four months I felt that I lost both sisters. Somewhere in those few months I came to the realization “if I have to feel this horrible pain and sadness I don’t want to feel at all.” And that’s exactly what happened. I turned off all my emotions event the happy ones. I couldn’t feel anything. I felt numb. Completely numb to every emotion, every feeling I could possibly have. I never felt happy, sad, hurt, or joy. I barely laughed let alone smile and if I did it was totally fake. I felt like a statue. I was just there. I also completely turned away from God. I was so mad at Him. I was so angry. We sing these songs about this amazing God who loves us yet my sister is dead. How in the heck does that fit together?

You see when you stuff all that pain sadness and anger it has to come out. And it did. But I would only let it out for a few minutes then I would stuff it all back down until I would explode again. Over and over I would do this. Stuff then explode stuff then explode.

After a few months of this my mom was noticing it. She tells me now that she could look into my eyes and it was like there was no one inside. She saw how closed off and numb I was. She knew there was an issue.

I started my first week of high school in 2011. I was so excited. I joined the dance team and the volleyball team. I was loving it. Within that same week I had an away volleyball game and my mom looked at my Facebook. You see having parents in tune with the Holy Spirit makes it impossible to hide anything. Not that I was even hiding it that well. She saw in my messages that I wasn’t living up to who I was. I was living a shady sneaky life that was really scary for all of us. At this time my sister Caity had gone to her second year at BSSM. My parents came to me and asked if I would like to move to Redding and go to a high school there. This would mean I would live with my sister sharing a room. I would have four other girl roommates. I would live without parents. I would move 500 miles away from everything and everyone that I knew. I was terrified but something inside me knew I had to do it. Four days later with all my clothes packed in boxes my mom drove me to Redding. In just one week I went from my parents knowing nothing about how I was doing and starting high school to living without parents and living in a real city. I had to make friends for the first time since I was in preschool. I didn’t even know how todo it. Luckily, God always has a plan for us. I instantly made friends with some girls in my grade.

It has took me about 5 years to grieve things that should’ve taken 2 years. It caused me more pain waiting then it would’ve to just face it. Grieving isn’t just being sad about the loss you experience. I didn’t just have to grieve the fact that she was gone, I had to grieve what my life would have looked like and the plans we made together. It was the same thing when my parents divorced. I had to grieve the loss of the marriage but also what life would look like, what my wedding would look like, what having kids would look like, and what every day would look like. It’s a process and process is ok. Grief looks different for everyone. Even though Caity and I lost the same person and we were both Courey’s sisters it was different for each of us. And that’s great, because we are all different. 

Slowly, the brick and metal walls that I put up to surround my heart began to fall down. It’s really hard to explain exactly how I grieved it all. But some practical things that I did were I let myself feel sad or angry or happy or hurt when those feelings came I didn’t stuff them. I would also do heart checks. So I would ask my heart “ heart how are you doing today? what are you feeling?” If I felt sad and I knew I needed to cry then I would watch a sad movie that I knew would make me cry. If I was angry I would go on a run or now I ugly journal with God. Ugly journaling is a great tool. I basically write letters to those I feel angry at and write things I wish I could say to them but can’t. Then I process after with God and give him that anger. Even if I’m mad at God I angry journal. Even if it has cussing or ugly hand writing. It’s meant to be ugly. If I’m angry with God I tell Him why I feel that or why I’m mad at that person. He doesn’t get angry with me if I’m mad at Him. He just listens and we talk it out, just like I would with any of my friends. I also saw a counselor Yvonne for counseling. I also saw Ej for Sozo. These are both amazing tools to use to help you process the pain and see where Jesus was at. 

After a year in Redding I turned back to God. I am now able to grieve with Him. What I didn’t understand before was that God wasn’t this ghost that would watch me cry and just stay away watching. He was there the entire time. When I cry and I’m in pain He is crying and grieving with me. If I’m angry He is there. 100% there. I had to let go and let Him into those hurting places. I had to say “God I can’t face this pain without you. I need you to help me.” And He does every time.

I still have a lot of questions for God. I know that God didn’t cause my sister to die. I know that He didn’t take her because she was so amazing. God isn’t like that. But I also know He didn’t stop the accident from happening. Why? I have no idea. Honestly, I had to give that question to Him and stop asking. I don’t understand why bad things happen or why there are hurricanes and tornados. I do know that the answers to those questions surpass my understanding. And Im ok with that. I am ok with not knowing everything. It’s not my job to know everything. What I do is that God is good ALL THE TIME and His love ENDURES FOREVER. That is what I know and hold to.

Grieving is a process. It hurts. No one wants to go through it but I’m telling you it’s worth it to face the pain for a short time then to stuff it down and feel nothing. You find out what you are made of in the process. That is no way to enjoy life at all. God is the best comforter. He is always there just waiting for you to come to Him with your questions and your pain. He never leaves us. No mess is too much for Him. You can even be angry at Him and yell at Him. He wont leave or turn His back on you. He will just embrace you and love on you.

Also, seeing a counselor is an extremely helpful tool. They help you look at the situations from a new perspective they are there to listen and to help you. By the way seeing a counselor doesn’t mean your crazy or broken. That’s what I always thought. I thought if I’m seeing a counselor it means I’m loosing my mind and I’m crazy. It’s actually a practical tool to help you walk through pain or help you with situations you might be facing. It’s also really nice to just have someone listen to you.