#oh i also believe that A haunts the orphanage BIG TIME. or at least the idea of them does

[skooglybear]

I know we don’t know ANYTHING about A but I like to imagine that they were a fine artist. I think all of the children at Wammy’s House were definitely gifted but there are different KINDS of gifted and I need an artistically or musically inclined successor NOW.

And maybe that successor was none other than A. L’s very first next-in-line would meditate on facts given to them while busying their hands with painting or sculpting or whatever else they may have dabbled in. Personally, I think the subjects within their art would probably be pretty objective, especially if it was a thing they worked on while their mind was occupied with something else. HOWEVER, it could also be something more stylized and bold. I wouldn’t know, we never met A.

Regardless, it was abundantly clear that they were artistically gifted from a young age and at Wammy’s House it was approached in a “sticking your art to the fridge with magnets because we’re proud of you” kind of way. A’s art was admired and revered and, when they died, their paintings remained framed on the walls of the orphanage. Some feel a chill up their spine when looking at them.

[toooldforfandom-liveblogs]

RWBY V08E06 - Midnight

Surprise RWBY liveblog!

To be honest I've been avoiding watching or thinking about RWBY because nothing good will come from Penny getting hacked and as long as I avoid watching the show I can pretend nothing is going to happen. But the hiatus has been haunting me so... I guess it's time. Let's do this?

Penny hit Cinder so hard she sent her into a flashback.

It makes sense that this scene looks a bit barren if it'll be only used once or twice but the painted grass really makes it look like an unity asset flip game.

Huh. I guess she was in an orphanage?

I didn't expect a second part to what seems to have been a miserable childhood. I mean, whatever's inside that place can't be good if it ends up with Cinder trusting Salem.

Oh. So this is the Cinderella part.

Yyyup.

I'm really curious to see if somehow they make it so Salem ends up being the Prince, ball equivalent and all.

Noo, don't end. I'm really liking this flashback. I'm not on-board the "Cinder gets redeemed" train but it's at least interesting to see her backstory.

Okay, I love this song. Straight from a musical.

Hopefully the OST doesn't disappoint me by making these the only 30 seconds of the song that are sung like this and the rest four minutes of hard rock.

And who are you

lol, in case it wasn't clear before here's a sign that says "we're bad people"

Ah yes, because things can always be worse, now she has a shock collar.

WAIT

WHAT

I thought this was something that Salem taught Cinder, not something older. It kinda re-contextualizes those interactions, at least for me, since I thought Cinder was at least a bit sincere when talking to Salem instead of lying through her teeth by using old lessons she's learned to appease her abusers.

For a second I was worried I had missed something and that this sword was hers in the future but nope, doesn't look familiar at all.

Uhh, metal semblance. I thought it was a prosthetic hand

WHAT I thought she was at least a teenager or something.

I'm morbidly curious about how this is going to end because it has to be a tragedy. Is this guy do something making her think it was all a lie? Is Salem going to kill him?

Well.

At least she's taking her destiny into her own hands instead of what I was somewhat dreading, that the dude was going to end up "saving" her.

ah yes, that's the look of a well-adjusted young woman.

this change of expression? * chef kiss *

entire fanfics can be written about her changing state of mind

...of course they are a gun, I can't believe I doubted it for a second

Now I'm trying to remember if we've ever seen Cinder's neck before. I think we have, but I definitely don't remember seeing a scar. I guess it healed.

Gotta say, I think they succeeded in making Cinder interesting again. I still think she can't be redeemed (without putting a ton of characterization work, which I'm not sure the format of the show allows) but now I'm like 80% sure she's going to end up betraying Salem instead of that being just a "yeah, I guess it can happen" thing.

Not sure what this means for Emerald though. I'm still hoping she breaks away from all of this.

Even how she treats Emerald fits neatly now that we know her past. She never had any peers, everyone was above her. Of course she can't relate to Emerald or even trust her "devotion". She probably doesn't even understand it as anything else but a way to control her.

…welp, that's not going to make Cinder happy.

I wish she hadn't turned her head because her expression before that was marvelously subtle.

…lots of child abuse this episode huh?

I'm going to need a presentation with slides to understand how this is supposed to be an opportunity on the level of Salem's followers doing their thing.

I wonder if Salem getting to him was what made him violent (since he'd finally realize what Ozpin was fighting) or if he was already working to get his revenge before that.

Salem working her silver tongue to convince a depressed Hazel that it was all Ozpin's fault would definitely be in character for her at least.

Oh. Hazel seems to not know what the relics do when brought together.

Which makes sense, I doubt Salem's recruitment speech ended with "and then we'll give the gods a call so they can destroy the world"

Glad Neo still looks pissed off at having to kneel.

For a second I thought only the "primary" henchmen were going to be present (showing how Mercury had gotten a promotion)… and I guess they are, since Emerald and Neo are pretty far away.

oh no, I had managed to forget that was a thing

Even the nature of her abuse is similar, with something that physically hurts them when they disobey. I doubt she can cut off her arm though, since it seems to be inside her.

lol "did you forget something similar happened 10 minutes ago?"

…this is incredibly foreboding

I can't tell if Salem is manipulating Cinder just to kill her soonish or if she's genuinely changing the way she's manipulating Cinder since being too obviously evil wasn't working. Hm.

Cinder's short flashback did imply she finally broke and now she'll be thinking of ways to kill Salem but who knows.

…and of course Ren is the first to dismount the bike. AAAB, Ren, AAAB.

I kinda wish these guys weren't so obviously in the wrong. There's no way Harriet "angry about absolutely everything" Bree is going to react sanely about this.

Wait, how is this getting transmitted and why.

Very glad Salem started with Atlas. That whale is about to "eat the rich" very literally and I'm here for it.

Also, this is a great way to show the scale of that whale, it was just "big" before.

---

(ominous music) indeed.

Very interesting episode. I loved seeing Cinder's past and it definitely added a lot of character to what has been a very thin one. It wasn't exactly a surprise but it finally nails down her past and gives a lot more context to her relationship with Salem. I'm very curious about what's going to happen in the mid and long term between those two.

I think that’s it, until next time!

[yejiroh]

Hello! I love your Wake Up and See Me story! (not so secret slut for angst and character death) I'd like to request very angsty HCs for Obey me! charas x fem!reader who is still grieving for her family singing her mother's lullaby while spacing out somewhere public. The lullaby in question being Lullaby of Woe by Ashley Serena, The Hanging Tree from Hunger Games series or Come Little Children by Erutan. Wanna see their reactions so bad!!!

I- I really need to update that series. Thank you so much for the support of it anon!

And thank you for the request darling! I’m sorry it took so long, but the lullaby’s were beautiful! So yes, I decided to listen to them all and match them with who I think it’d get the best reaction from! I made a little scene as well before the reactions, so it may or may not be a bit of a long read.

Lullaby Reaction! Obey Me BROTHERS x Fem!MC (ANGST)

Couldn't add the Keep Reading link because Tumblr is a beeotch. Sorry not sorry to everyone because this is LONG!

***

TRIGGER WARNING: death, loss of parents, toxicity, mentions of cannibalism, more death, child abuse, traumatic stress, mentions of suicide, nightmare factors, unintentional murder, loss of siblings, and as the anon requested, A SHIT TON OF ANGST!

Side note: I really really liked Lullaby of Woe...may consider making a series based on the lyrics. Who knows?

***

This one is kind of long because I did get carried away, but I do hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

***

Lucifer, Mammon and Beezlebub: Come Little Children

As the cool Autumn breeze hit her face, MC took a sip from the hot cup between her clothed hands. Today would mark the 15th year since the orphanage- her orphanage, had burned down. All 23 children and her parents except she had burned to an ash- less than that truly. She, with her ill body and frail stature, she, with her poor value and level of importance, she, the one who had been trapped in the building longest of all.

Every time she had walked into the toy store around the corner, MC felt pulled towards the puzzle sets. Specifically, the 24 piece sets. MC was the 24th child. But she was also the first. Every day, she’d buy a set, just to lay it on their graves, sorry that she had been left behind. 

“Come little children, I’ll take thee away, into a land of enchantment…oh momma, I’m so sorry I let you all down...I’m sorry I played with the fire, I’m sorry.” A tear had poured down, slid to her dry lips as she desperately held them back.

“I’m sorry momma...papa...I’m sorry I didn’t listen...I’m sorry I killed you all…”

And, as she walked away from the tombstones, a heart that was not hers broke.

{Reactions}

LUCIFER:

1.Never before had Lucifer been so...disturbed.

2.The song was stunning, and that was true….but somehow he could relate

3.He would definitely stay on the down low for a while, his pride showing when he has to come up with lies as to why he wasn’t talking to you

4.Okay, flashbacks for weeks. He was genuinely affected by the song.

5.In the end, he needs more comfort than you once he finally kicks pride out the window and sheds tears in front of you.

6.“I’m sorry, MC…”

MAMMON:

1.Okay...he wasn’t the best at spying on you-but he was worried! Your behavior was odd since last Sunday...actually, every Sunday.

2.He ran out to you, crying hard as he tackled you, saying how sorry he was for digging into your personal life. 

3.The demon was holding fistfulls of little puzzle pieces, candy, and notes, claiming they were from the souls of the children, who wished you the best in life and to move on.

4.He, the avatar of greed, had done something of huge charitable value for these children as he held you close

5.Yes, he got flashbacks….but decided not to dwell on them, more so trying to comfort you.

6.“Stupid human...you can come to me always, ya know that?”

BEEZLEBUB:

1.Beezlebub doesn’t always show his feelings, sure. But he does, forever and always, come for those he cares about. 

2.It’s like a magnetic pull as you cry. He’s there, wiping the large tear threatening to spill with his thumb, licking it off before wiping his hand off. 

3.A kind smile with eyes pain ridden as his big hands engulf your own, for he too, had a tragic past and lost someone he considered blood.

4.“It’s okay, MC. They’re right here, and always will be. Please don’t cry.” He says as he points to your heart, right by your breast, but with no sexual intent. Only comfort. 

5.“Come on, big girl, don’t cry, I’m here.” He says, holding you close and running his fingers through your hair with the gentlest of touches.

6. No one can harm you in your vulnerable state as the Avatar of Gluttony protects you.

Satan and Asmodeus: The Hanging Tree

It was in class- herbology. The lesson was on wisteria trees when MC bordly began to hum a tune.

“Are you, are you, coming to the tree? They strung up a man, they say who murdered three. Strange things did happen here no stranger would it be, if we met at midnight, in the hanging tree.” 

“Miss L/n quiet down! I’m trying to teach!” The professor had called out, but MC was lost as tears began to bubble up. She continued her little song quietly as her desk mates huffed in annoyance. She’d done this every day of the week, only to end up crying. Nobody knew what was wrong with her, nor did they get a word out of her. Not until Amso took MC and Satan out for a spa treatment.

Filing her nails, Asmo blew off the dust, his brows furrowed.

“Say, MC?”

“Yeah?”

“Why is it you sing that depressing song every time someone brings up wisteria trees?”

Now Satan looked up, lifting a cucumber off his eye, his curiosity sparked. MC looked away, pulling her hand away from Asmo’s as she pulled her knees to her chest, a deep sigh escaping her lips. Asmo quickly waved his hands in front of him.

“Oh, sorry, sorry MC! I didn’t know it was a touchy subject-”

Satan interrupted. “Care to share?”

“Satan!”

“No, no, Asmo- it’s okay. It’s...it’s just not something I really talk about.” MC said, finishing off with a whisper. 

The two leaned in, eyes big and expectant when MC looked to them.

“You know, my father passed away when I was really young. It was a selfish reason, really- to put it into his own words, it was, “To escape the responsibility of life.” , but that wasn’t the case.” MC  raised her pant leg, revealing all the burn marks and scars covering the skin. 

“It was really to escape the guilt of hurting me.”

The brothers went quiet for a moment before Satan put a hand up.

“So what does that have to do with that song you were singing?”

MC smiled bitterly. “Because he was the man in The Hanging Tree my mother always sang to me.”

“So what happened to your mother?”

“She too, joined him in death…and left me alone.”

{Reactions}

SATAN: 

1.He was at a loss for words, to say the least.

2.Never, in the demon’s countless millennia had he come across such a pitiful soul

3.Taking a bite of the cucumber before tossing it aside, he took the other off, tracing his fingers across the burns that resembled his rage: Ugly, loved, and traumatizing

4.As the room was quiet, he just felt intrigued to know more, had to know more. 

5.“You’re very strong, MC.”

6.The Hanging Tree did not leave his mind for quite some time as he tried to figure out the mystery MC had unknowingly left implanted in his brain.

ASMODEUS:

1.He has never ruined his makeup by crying in front of somewhere. Never ever.

2.But he sure as hell came close to it. 

3.Asmo had nothing to say but grab MC’s hands and kiss them softly over and over again before continuing the manicure he had initially started.

4.A mental note to take MC’s mind off other things so as not to give her wrinkles from stress or depression. 

Leviathan and Belphegor: Lullaby of Woe

She never had a peaceful night's rest. The dreams always came back to haunt her.Each night, she’d live through it, again, and again, and again. Oh, how the false man in white would come to her, a mischievous grin on his handsome face before cutting into her mind, showing her the deaths at her fault. Her mother, kind and beautiful, always coming in to protect her, reassure her that it wasn’t real, that she was seeing things. 

“Momma, please! I’m scared! I don’t wanna see him again momma!” A little girl wailed, holding onto her mother’s waist, legs wrapped around in a firm hold, hands bundled in her clothes.

“My darling, please just sleep~ I’ll always be here love. Always.”

And always she was, for her remains laid in that rotting home to this day, not yet known. Still, no one would believe the late Mrs. L/n’s daughter.

MC shuffled more in her sleep before finally waking up, eyes puffy from the unconscious crying. Slowly she got up, getting ready for the school day as she washed her face, prepared, and left the room. 

“Good morning.” Each of the brothers would greet her, to which she’d return a small nod. There was nothing to talk about. Not when these nightmares haunted her so.

A little girl sat by her mother’s corpse, a man beside her.

Drink, child. Feast in the blood of a sinner.

“...But….but mother wasn’t a sinner…”

“Ignorant child. You are but a bastard, for she was never married. Drink and cleanse yourself of the blood of a sinner. Repent and be saved.”

Truly, the false man in white was but a liar, wanting nothing more than a child’s innocence and fortune as he toyed with her. 

Lost in her own fantasies, she began to sing, the tall Jubokko tree towering beneath her with the damned’s skulls by her feat. 

“For the witcher, heartless, cold...Paid in coin of gold, He comes he’ll go leave naught behind, but heartache and woe…”

“Deep, deep woe, for the witcher, heartless, cold, Paid in coin of gold, he comes…”

MC’s voice broke into it, pathetic cracks of the voice clear but quiet as she stopped.

A small applause was heard behind her; Belphie and Levi had seen and listened patiently, attentive and concerned.

The Avatar of Sloth put his arms down, kicking a skull as he sat down.

“That was a beautiful song, MC. What has made you so upset?”

Levi too, had sat down, his eyes no longer focused on the forgotten D.D.D.

MC just smiled sheepishly, sitting down with the boys as she tucked back a loose strand away. 

“It was nothing important. A story for another time.”

{Reactions}

BELPHEGOR:

1.Girl, honey, darling. You're lying. It’s okay! You can trust him!

2.If MC doesn’t end up telling him, then he can just slip into the dreams (I think?)

3.Honestly worried for you. He’s the Avatar of Sleep- he KNOWS you’ve been disturbed lately, and more so than others.

4.Can you imagine the pure look of hatred once he finds out about this man?

5.And ew, you drank your mother’s blood? 

6.But that’s cannibalism, which is a major sin so…

7.I guess you really can stay with him forever!

8.Honestly, he’s like a flame; burns as long as there’s fuel, then will move on to another topic.

LEVIATHAN:

1.So yeah. He didn’t really say anything.

2.But he was listening. 

3.Didn’t make an anime reference once because nothing he’s ever knew of had been that horrifying. 

4. Didn’t wanna make you feel shy about it, but kind of hints about it later on. 

5.No, he doesn’t care about the man, because as you sat down on the skull ridden dirt, you just seemed so...peaceful

[psychemeanscure]

PART 24 {Did I scare you from the previous part? 😌 sorry~🙈 It won’t be the ending though until you’ll see the word Fin. So yeah😉}

“Hide.”

“Hide, princess. Hide.”

“But appa----“

“Just run away now, Sung Eunyoung. Hide!”

A dawning nights of thunderous rains clattering through every roofs of homes, deafening silent dreams of solemnness. But not for the Sung Mansion. A panicking patriarch silently waking up a clueless young daughter who is just peacefully sleeping. Rubbing an eye from its sleepy mien.

“Appa?”

Her soft voice which only responded by a hush. Confused, yet just enough to get terrified after hearing the sturdy banging behind her bedroom door. Sleepiness instantly vanished. “W-what’s happening, appa?”

Fear came upon the young self. For there she is, being obliged to go down a secret basement of the bedroom her architect father built just for her. A secret passage through their gates exit. Then again she pushed to peek and witness everything and she did for there it is, men in black surrounding his blooded father and the merciless leader she can never forget.

~

“Hide.”

“Hide, Jang Taeyoung!!”

But it was him. It was his name she keeps on uttering now. She on the dirt of soil and scratches, pouring tears of fear. It became a routine of her consciousness. The day she witnessed her father’s death and how it changed into seeing Jang Taeyoung’s blooded one. 3 years. Three years had passed but she can still remember it clearly. Dreams that was once occupied by her father is with his added. The once revenge she aimed is her today’s anguished.

Afraid that someone might see her with a shattering state, she quickly went inside the bathroom and approach the nearest sink. Washing out the remarks of her endless tears. She dreamt of him again. It was a nap but it always feels like forever.  

She cannot forget how she left him even after being saved. Neither did she ask about him ever if he could have been alive or not? She wouldn’t know for she felt guilty all of a sudden that leaving is the only thing she can think of to repent her faults.

She blamed herself and she is still now. Her name was on run back then anyway so fleeing is the most sensible reason to escape. She shamelessly saved her own in the end. A total bitch she agrees.        

“There you ar----“

“Hey!”

She was startled. A person who has no decency for privacy opens the door. “Do you really can’t control that attitude of yours? Dios mío.” She hated it. She hated when even just a small gesture from others, she can remember him. Massaging her temple, she asked. “What is this time?”

“My bad, amiga but I haven’t seen you around your desk. So I suppose you’re here, I can’t never be wrong indeed. You cried again? Jeez. What’s really in that nightmares of yours that it keeps haunting you. Are you a runaway bride or something?”

And yes, they’re talking in Spanish. The nosy questions coming from the nosy mouth of the other that she needed to butt in, facing the latter with irritation. A hand resting on the sink while the free one on the waist. “Judy, if you’re running out of stories to tell, will you please exclude my private ones and shut up? Cut the chase por favor.”   

Judy who’s racing her arms to surrender, defended herself. “Okay, okay. Relax, will you? As I was saying, I came to your desk to put the files you requested about the incoming book fair this week.”

Instantly, her mood brightens up as she had been reminded about the program which proceeds will be a much help for the orphanage they are rendering. Checking each files with anticipation. “You like that?”

“Very.”

She’s all smiles from ear to ear that Judy can’t help but wonder. “Know what? If you really love kids, then make your own. I feel pity for your genes. Heck, if only I’ve been blessed with that kind of face I think I’m already sleeping with tons of Michael Angelo now.”

Rolling her eyes, she countered. “You, and your mouth, Judy. Did I ever say, I won’t? Spare me, please!”

“Oh yeah? Like how you intentionally dump all your admirers? What a great excuse from you, amiga.”

“Shut up, will you? Tss.”

“Whatever. Anyway, speaking of. The kids just arrive, waiting for your presence already.”

Judy reminds as it was also enough for her to be left on her own as Sung Eunyoung hurriedly went out without further ado. Sighing for being betrayed, she followed instead.

“Profesora!!”

The harmonic chimes of the children as they surrounded her with hugs and kisses as she bent over them. Stroking their hair with tender greetings. “How are you, mi estudiantes?”

“Great! Very great! Yes, we are. We miss you.”

For she has been bombarded with various answers she cannot dare to ignore.

Gone the business venturer her as she is only an ordinary lecturer now. Simply sitting by a tree as she tells tales to what she considered her children. Filling the empty space in her. “Hey, have you heard?”

Judy bringing back its nosiness once again right after she ask her students for a drawing class. Frowning, she faced her co-worker. “Again, Judy? Can you at least zip that blabber mouth of yours just for a day?”

“Hey! That’s too harsh of you.”

“Why? Isn’t it true?”

“Jeez. Your frankness in its finest. Well, let me tell you amiga. It’s a fact this time. Try me.”

She can only shake her head as the former continues her gathered information anyway. Little she knew a piece of it will rise a hidden hopefulness in her. “Russian.”

“I heard a Russian clan takes a big part of sponsoring our book fair. The Oblonsky even donated a number for the orphanage. Books, shelter, name it all. It was said that a Korean man will actually turn as their representative. A Russian elite entrusting an Asian man? How peculiar, right?”

She can only respond a stutter. “W-who’s clan did you say it is?”

“The Oblonsky. And you know what’s more enthralling?” She stilled. As she turned to her unbothered companion who’s still delighted by its own story. Right then, Judy leans for a whisper as if afraid to share it to anyone but her. “A dear acquaintance of mine said this damn representative has a figure of a perfect hottie, amiga. Oh my, how I can picture and meet this mysterious man of my dreams.”      

The robust daydreaming of it which just left unheard on her for the only thought running through her mind was the information bestowed upon that she needed to leave the off-guard Judy who’s continuously calling her name from afar. She has to confirm it and if meeting him is the only answer, then be it. Pulling out her phone before stepping in her car, she decided.

“Where are you?”  

~

Fidgeting her nails for waiting, she can’t attain anymore. The Russian Oblonsky clan or better well said the elite mafia gang who saved her foster parents from being hostage back then. The one she just knew he sought for help. Plus, that Korean man. “Dammit.”

She can only curse as everything just gets worse for her to absorb. Brushing her face as she didn’t notice the arrival of the person she contacted who’s now sitting across her. “What’s with that low face that makes you grumpy s---“

“Tell me what happened to him.”

Left confused, the person answers her anyway. “What? Who are you talking about?”

“The f*cking info you knew about him. Tell me all, now!”

Finally interpreted what she meant. He can only bulge his eyes from crunching. “Are you talking about brother? Finally, sis?”

She can only be silent for admitting. “J-just… just give it to me, Zilo.”

Zilo. Yes, she’s indeed meeting the Zilo Alcaziar who killed his own father. The unexpected savior they didn’t saw coming. Thus the seriousness between them came as the introduction of their subject reopened. “Will you believe me if I say he’s dead?”

A sting inside her broke as her skin shivered with disbelief.

“D-don’t… Don’t play with me, Zilo…”

But Zilo just led his head to look down. “Right... How can you trust a person who once harmed you?” He really means it, she can tell. “He vanished.”

“W-what?”

“That’s what I assumed at first when I went back to the scene as the authorities keeps searching for his body. I thought some of his men may have manage to escape their boss. To be honest, I do not actually know the real thing happened to brother but seeing how they found evidences of his death, I can’t help but realize the possibility sis. Believe me, I trie---“

“Stop.”    

She needed to stop him before her heart will explode from hurting further. She had foreseen it, she just tried to ignore that it’s not. Hearing it makes her regret asking even as the sorrowful face of Zilo takes in. “I’m sorry…”

Seeing his downgrade stance, she can only sigh from its remorse. She can’t deny, she felt sorry for him as well. “As much as I thank you, I still hate you though.”

“I know. If only I reach in time, I could have save you both sis. Fath—could haven’t got the chance to slip and pull the trigger. I’m really sorry, I really do.” It was as if an unspoken secret from a box revealed its bits for the last time as his whispering apologies continues. Suppressing a drop of tear on her eye, she chooses to glance the shore by the window glass beside them.

“Forget it. It’s all in the past anyway. It’s not like we can bring back the time and change it.”

She thought three years could have been enough to heal her wounded soul but just a simple brought out, the facades breaking so easily. Silence visited once again. “You know what, Zil?” before she initiated to break it, turning to face him who’s as well looking by the shore like she does. “Hm?”

“I still wonder why you shot your own father. I do learn that you’re somehow fighting against him, but to save us? I can’t seem to search for a reason.”

His eyes never left the shore as he speaks. “It’s because it reminded me of how he killed my own mother.”  

All she could do then, is listen. “I almost forgot about it, you know. The warmth. The warmth he stole from me when I was a kid. And brother… A younger brother he never had. Just like that, a mere phrase he simply pulled back for me. I thank him for that, and for the nth time, I’m really sorry. For everything. For you. For being a dimwit, for being too late. I really am, sis.”  

Sincerity. For the first time she felt it from him. She may have not known what happened between him and Jang Taeyoung before the incident. Yet one thing’s for sure. Her loco, did a good job. “And I have forgiven you for that. Remember it now, Zilo.”

Giving him a small smile, she intended to light their atmosphere and she did as she was reciprocated by its own smile when finally turning to her. “Alright! So much for the drama. Shall we just order our food now?”

~

Clatters from the utensils can only be heard as they chew their own food when Zilo happens to thought of something. “Sis?”

“Yes?”

“I know this is too much for me to ask, but have you…uhm--- nah, it’s nothing.”

Sensing his hesitation, she obliged him. “Just say it, Zilo.”

Clearing a throat, he had no choice but to push. “Well, w-what I mean was that… perhaps, are you waiting for him? Brother?”

She was halt from her actions then as she was staring to her food, keeping to tap the spoon’s tip on her plate. “What makes you think I am?”

“Because I do think you are. You have been a transparent lioness easy to read ever since you lost him, sis that before you knew your once intricacy became your vulnerability.  That what you are today. You just failed to notice it.”                

She can never be as silent as she is right now indeed.

Leaning by the backrest of his seat, Zilo can see right through her. “So you’re really waiting for him, huh?”

‘Am I?’

She thought for herself.

[wigwurq]

WIG REVIEW: THE QUEEN’S GAMBIT

Yes it’s true - the only things I’ve been watching lately are prestige TV shows starring women with bad red wigs. I’ll get back to movies someday!! In the meantime, I finally watched all of this miniseries that has Netflix and the world aflame with love - and I am aflame too....WITH HATRED OF ALL OF THESE WIGS!!! I have so much to discuss with this show, y’all. A friend of mine (who hasn’t watched this show yet) probably said it best when he told me he thought the wigs in this show were supposed to be wigs WITHIN the narrative of the show (and therefore allowed to be bad): “wait I thought this was about a chess spy - that’s supposed to be her real hair? NO” INDEED!!! Let’s take it episode by episode (SPOILERS ABOUND) and DISCUSS.

Episode 1 - Openings

We begin in Paris, 1967. Beth Harmon, chess champion (?) awakens in a bath of ice (?) in the dark of her hotel room, clearly hung over or maybe still drunk. Her red ‘60s flip wig looks like HELL as does she, so...ok I guess this bad wig wurqs...for now. She sits herself down to play CHESS!! This whole show is about chess, obviously, and everyone is just mad about chess now! I am mad, too, because the show does not make chess seem interesting or sexy and I still hate it. 

Anyway, we rewind about 10 (?) years to a young Beth Harmon, who is suddenly orphaned after her mom definitely commits suicide via car accident. Her mom has super short bangs and cries a lot. We see some even further flashbacks to an even younger Beth IN THE MOST OUTRAGEOUS BABY WIG (MORE ON THAT LATER). We learn that her mom is very unhinged, but also probably brilliant, as Beth herself will become later. LET’S HOPE SHE NEVER GETS HER DRIVER’S LICENCE (note: she never does?)

Apparently the mid to late ‘50s were all about very VERY short bangs, and on this non-wigged little girl I guess that is fine.

BUT THEN! She is brought to an orphanage where they burn her old clothes (YES REALLY!) and cut her hair into a bob (the kid’s actual hair so again - ok!) and also give her and all the other girls constant drugs! The 1950s were really wild, amiright? If I have learned anything from movies set at orphanages in the 50s, drug abuse was the main issue (the only movie I’m referring to is obviously The Cider House Rules and the only thing I remember about that movie is that Michael Caine had an ether addiction). Anyway, the sedative drugs make her immediately put her hand on a hot radiator (safety first, orphanage!) 

She also makes friends with an older girl named Jolene (I LOVE THE NAME) who teachers her to save the sedative drugs for nighttime when they can help her sleep. Great advice, Jolene! Also: there is absolutely no way that African American Jolene would be in an integrated orphanage in mid-50s KENTUCKY but this is just the beginning of issues I have with this series......

Moving on! In avoiding the orphanage’s weird insistence on Jesusy choir practice, she discovers the basement realm of janitor Bill Camp, who never actually does any janitorial work (that I could see?) but definitely plays a lot of chess. And thus, her chess obsession begins! This is also helped by those sedatives she takes every night which give her really absurd chess hallucinations on the ceiling. This orphanage has it all!

Essentially, this miniseries is Valley of the Dolls if those characters got addicted to both pills and chess at the age of 9. Beth gets very VERY good at chess and some rando chess guy from the local high school comes and gives Beth a doll (BETH HATES THE DOLL BUT LOVES DOLLS DO YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE). And she goes to the high school and plays a bunch of terrible high school boys at chess simultaneously and beats them all. Also: the orphanage suddenly gets in trouble for giving sedatives to small children for years and Beth is PISSED. She goes through withdrawal and years for the big ol’ jar o’ pills!!!

AND THEN! During a kind of Jesusy film presentation, Beth sneaks away to the orphanage pharmacy and just goes hog wild on the pills! TRULY: Valley of the Dolls has nothing on this sequence. 

Obviously, Beth is caught pill-handed and she also spills all the pills, breaks a giant glass jar, and then falls onto both of them. SHE IS 9. I THINK I LOVE THIS SHOW.

Episode 2: Exchanges

So after Beth’s completely insane pill odyssey, she is punished by being forbidden to play chess! Fast forward an indeterminate number of years, and we meet a slightly older Beth (now played by the bewigged Anya Taylor-Joy). AND THIS WIG, Y’ALL. WOOF. Completely dried out and bent, it really makes you appreciate the fact that they just cut the younger Beth’s hair. I realize that Anya is going to go through many 50s and 60s hairstyles to come but I really wish they had just done the same and used her real hair because we are about to take a bad wig odyssey that will last throughout this series. Also! I love that Jolene is played by the same actress! How old is too old to be in an orphanage?

Speaking of age! Beth is apparently now 15 but when a super weird couple expresses interest in adopting her, the orphanage director lady lies and says Beth is 13 and everyone just goes with it....FOR THE REST OF THE SERIES. Seriously, this age difference is never ever visited again or challenged. Beth is basically 15-17 for at least 5 years and no one gives a shit. OK? Anyway, Beth is adopted by Marielle friggin Heller (aka director of Can You Ever Forgive Me? and A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood) who has a very Mamie Eisenhower wig which is just fine compared to the bent and dry-ass mess on Anya’s head.

It is later revealed that Marielle adopted Beth because her husband is mainly away on business and she needs an older gal pal around to fetch her....sedatives from the magazine store! I wonder if Beth will totally get addicted to them again! I’m no chess player but you can absolutely predict plot devices in this series about two pawns away (is that a chess term? I still don’t know or care!) 

So yes: as predicted Beth absolutely gets addicted to sedatives again (also the specific sedatives she gets addicted to are the exact same ones she was addicted to at the orphanage - WHAT A COINCIDENCE! - and also they are made up sedatives for the purposes of this show only in case we all want to get the same magical chess sedatives and see chess on the ceiling too). ALSO! Beth is still mainly addicted to chess despite the fact that she was permitted from playing it for the last 5-7 years (depending on what version of her age you’re going on?) but still is good at it? Most upsetting: she rips apart her lovely bed canopy in order to see her ceiling chess hallucinations! THE NERVE OF THIS KID!

Also nervy: bitch totally stole chess magazines from the pharmacy when she was also stealing sedatives from her adoptive mom! Kleptomania is Beth’s #3 addiction after chess and pills also comes into play when it is revealed that her new adoptive mom is kinda poor since her husband is away all the time and doesn’t give her enough money so Beth can’t enter those chess tournaments she read about in the magazines she stole. SO she writes to janitor Bill Camp and asks for $5 to enter the chess thing and if she wins she’ll send him $10. THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT PLOT POINT WHICH WILL COME INTO PLAY LATER. So Beth goes to the chess tournament where she meets some not handsome twin dudes and a very handsome other dude named Townes.

Basically all the chess dudes at this tourney suck in the same way? To be fair: if I saw Beth walking up in her ugly orphanage clothes and orphanage cut wig, I would think she sucked at chess too? Oh also - all the girls at her new high school also think her style sucks. I WONDER IF IN COMING EPISODES SHE WILL GAIN MORE STYLE AND CHESS FAME THAN ALL THESE GARBAGE PEOPLE. Spoiler: she does and also beats this dude named Harry and becomes the Kentucky chess champion. Also! Beth’s adoptive dad totally abandons her and Marielle Heller!  I still hate chess but will continue to watch this show because of its haunting wigs and lowgrade feminist vibe.

Episode 3: Doubled Pawns

This episode begins with a flashback to Beth’s shitty birth mother and her shitty banged wig and remember that time I said I was going to talk about the wig on the littlest girl who plays her? WELL HERE WE ARE. Baby Beth has the absolute WORST WIG ON THIS SHOW and given how terrible all the wigs are, that is saying a lot. This wig looks like it was ripped off an American Girl doll which had been mistreated for years and thrown of a jungle gym or something. IT IS THE ABSOLUTE WORST (as is her mom, who makes this poor kid believe she had drowned!!!) 

ANYWAY. We get a new wig in this episode!!! Beth manages to grow out her orphanage bangs and allow her hair to have a 50s wave bob. Do not be fooled by the higher quality of this cut, however - the quality of the WIG continues to very much suck! WHAT IS THIS HAIR PART! No hair underneath! And everything is still a dried out, bent mess! ALSO HER ROOTS ARE A NIGHTMARE. This is also the episode wherein Marielle Heller basically becomes Mama Rose to Beth and really gets into Beth supporting both of them via chess winnings and becomes her chess manager (ACTUAL JOB TITLE). Also Beth gets nicer clothing. Hilariously, Marielle tells Beth’s high school that Beth is just constantly sick so she can skip school to go to chess tournaments even though Beth is straight up on the cover of Life magazine?! I wonder if this will at all come to the attention of the high school - IT DOESN’T! PLOT HOLES BE DAMNED THIS SHOW IS ABOUT CHESS! She does go to high school long enough for the snobby girls who once made fun of her to invite her to the dumbest party ever where they just sit around and ask Beth dumb questions about Chess fame and then all have a sing-along to a song Beth doesn’t know because she has no idea what pop culture is: ONLY CHESS CULTURE. I watched this show with my mom and asked if ‘60s parties were like this and she laughed her head off and said NO. ALSO! Beth’s kleptomania comes into play at this party where she steals a bottle of gin and leaves without saying goodbye to anyone. WHAT A BITCH.

Speaking of bitches, Beth meets a new chess diva in the form of Love Actually’s resident child drum prodigy! He has a character name but whatever: Love Actually is his name and he has longish shaggy (non wigged) hair and dresses like Crocodile Dundee and is loved and feared in the chess community for being such a non-nerd (?) chess player. I asked my mom if anyone dressed like this in the ‘60s and she said “NO! But I guess I didn’t know everyone” WHICH IS A GREAT ANSWER BECAUSE MY MOM DIDN’T RUN IN WEIRD CHESS CIRCLES IN THE ‘60s. We are lead to believe the ‘60s chess community of weirdos consists of the same 5 rotating dudes who are all at the same chess tournaments always and also possible love interests for Beth and she’s better at chess than all of them.

The only weirdo chess dude that Beth cares about is Townes, who you may recall from the last episode in which he was the only attractive chess dude at that first chess tournament Beth went to with borrowed Bill Camp money. Anyway, she runs into him at some chess tournament (LIKE I REMEMBER WHICH ONE PLEASE) in Las Vegas where he is now a chess reporter (ACTUAL 1960s JOB, Y’ALL). He invites Beth back to his hotel boudoir where he takes some non-boudoir pictures of her playing chess and Beth is all aflutter with chess love but SUCK IT BETH, TOWNES IS GAY!!! I have to say that the only believable part of this show is that the only attractive chess dude would be homosexual. It still does not forgive any of the other plot nonsense.

SO! It’s still the big Vegas chess tournament which is super duper important-chess wise (though this show also makes it seem like every chess game IS THE MOST IMPORTANT so who is to say?) Anyway, Beth and her 50s wave wig (even though it is the 60s?) play Love Actually and....they both win? I didn’t know this was a chess pastability but ok? Beth is pissed that she didn’t beat Love Actually, I hope I never have to see him again (SPOILER HE’S IN MANY MORE EPISODES AND HAD I KNOWN THAT MAYBE I WOULD HAVE STOPPED WATCHING NOW BUT I DIDN’T!) 

Episode 4: Middle Game

We are still stuck with this weird ‘50s bob in this episode. IT STILL LOOKS BAD. New developments are: Beth is taking night classes at the local college (even though she is technically still in high school?) in order to learn Russian to better understand people who are more obsessed with chess than she is: Russians. Anyway, he ends up going to the most wild and stereotypical hippie party with a college dude after class and yep - loses her virginity to him. Ok? At least it wasn’t to a chess weirdo? She also stays behind and parties and drinks alone in the hippie apartment because of all her substance addiction and kleptomania. Also! She graduates from high school despite being 2 years too old for high school (a plot point never explained) and missing all that high school for chess tourneys (another plot point never explained!) OH WELL: CHESS! 

Beth and Marielle go to Mexico City for some chess tournament (AGAIN I COULDN’T TELL YOU WHICH ONE). Marielle is excited because she is pen pals (OMG THE 60s Y’ALL) with some Mexican weirdo who I definitely feared would steal all the chess winnings but then ultimately just sucks in the same way the adoptive dad did. Beth also runs into those chess twin weirdos because the chess community is comprised of only 5 dudes as I said. Their hair looks bad but not as bad as her wig. 

Beth doesn’t see much of Mexico City - nor do we unless you count a truly outrageous sequence in which Beth and Marielle go out on their hotel balcony and look into a green screen rendering of Mexico City that would have felt at home in CGI ghostmare, Bohemian Rhapsody. Anyway, Beth and her olde timey 1950s wig which is spending way too much time in the 60s even though she’s supposed to be stylish now, take a lot of chess baths while Marielle drinks a lot because that Mexican pen pal/boyfriend sucks so bad.

So Beth wins enough chess to play Borgov, who we are led to believe is the Russian white whale/Bond villain of the chess community and LOSES! She is pretty pissed about it but not as pissed as...

....coming back to the hotel room to discover Marielle Heller and her luscious Mamie Eisenhower wig DEAD. TWICE AN ORPHAN, Y’ALL. Mexican coroners tell Beth that her mom died of hepatitis (!!!) and Beth somehow implicates low quality tequila in this hepatitis death. I LEGITIMATELY GOOGLED ‘DOES TEQUILA GIVE YOU HEPATITIS’ IMMEDIATELY. I DON’T THINK IT DOES?!?!?! THIS SHOW IS ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS AND YES I WILL CONTINUE WATCHING IT DESPITE THE TERRIBLE WIGS AND MY HATRED OF CHESS.

Episode 5: Fork

Beth returns to Kentucky IN THE RAIN BECAUSE TV AND MOVIE DEATHS ARE ALWAYS ACCOMPANIED BY RAIN. She is about to be super lonely in the house she know owns (according to a super sketchy international phone call with her adoptive father which will definitely not hold up in court) and then...she gets a call from Harry! WHO THE EFF IS HARRY! Again, luckily, there are only 5 chess guys who need to remember and he is one of them (he is the one she beat for the Kentucky chess whatever in episode 2). She invites him over because she’s lonely!

Harry is definitely the saddest of the weirdo chess dudes because apparently he’s been harboring a secret love of Beth (who at the time of their first meeting was like 13-15 depending on what timeline you’re going on and he was...20? OK GROSS BUT OK). BITCH EVEN GOT HIS WEIRD TEETH FIXED SO HE COULD BE LOVED BY BETH AND HER BENT ASS WIG AND SERIOUSLY NO THANK YOU HARRY. Regardless, Beth lets Harry have sex with her a few times and live rent-free in her house and ultimately Harry gets enough self confidence to leave this effed up living situation since he will never be one of Beth’s obsessions (which are still: chess, pills/alcohol, stealing shit). 

So Beth goes to Ohio for some other chess tournament and reunites with UGH Love Actually. At this point in the show, Beth starts wearing long scarves as headbands and her wig has never looked better because most of it is covered by the scarf. THANK GOD. So Love Actually totally chess hustles Beth for a lot of coin playing speed chess (DEAR GOD WHY HAVE I BEEN FORCED TO LEARN WHAT SPEED CHESS IS) but in the end, she still beats him for the chess title. EFF YOU, Love Actually! May I never see you again! OH SHIT HE JUST INVITED HER TO  NEW YORK TO TRAIN HER FOR THE PARIS CHESS THING DEAR GOD WHY IS THERE SO MUCH LOVE ACTUALLY IN THIS SHOW OK FINE I’LL STILL WATCH IT.

Episode 6 - Adjournment

Ok so Beth and her ok wig that is mainly covered by a scarf go to Love Actually’s apartment in NYC which IS AN UNDERGROUND BUNKER AND SHE HAS TO SLEEP ON A BLOW UP MATTRESS. Again and for the millionth time: Love Actually is the worst! Especially the worst because he introduces her to all these rando bohemians he knows, including some French bitch who will definitely eff everything up when Beth is already teetering on her pill/alcohol obsession and should probably not meet any other enablers. Somehow, he does get her to quit the pills/alcohol long enough to have sex with him (UGH).

And so we are in Paris, 1967. Where we started the show with Beth’s awful 60s flip! AND WE MEET ANOTHER PLOTHOLE. Only a week before this, Beth was in NYC with hair about 3″ shorter and still wearing scarves in her hair. WHAT IN THE VERY HELL, SHOW! I realize that this show has a very vague sense of time or how old Beth is or whatever but truly: NOPE. 

Anyway, it’s the night before the big match against Borgov and Beth is on her very best behavior when who should ring her up but that French bitch Love Actually introduced her to! She is downstairs at the hotel bar and just come down and have one drink and don’t ruin your entire chess career, mmmkay? THIS ENABLING BITCH!!!! NEVER TRUST ANYONE WITH THIS CRYING GAME WIG UNLESS YOU WANT YOUR LIFE TO BE A CRYING GAME. Of course, Beth goes downstairs, drinks every drink in the bar, has sex with some rando French dude and...wakes up in the icebath we see at the beginning of the show and sweatily plays Borgov in her wig that has never looked frizzier, loses, and is shamed from the entire chess community. Also Love Actually wants Beth to come back to NYC but NO THANK YOU TO YOU AND YOUR BUNKER OF ENABLERS.

Back in Kentucky, Beth....is shown learning how to flip her hair. WAIT WHAT SHE ALREADY HAD A FLIP HAIRSTYLE THE ENTIRE TIME IN PARIS WHAT KIND OF WIG GASLIGHTING ARE YOU PLAYING, SHOW?!?!?!??!?!?!!

UGH anyway, with THE EXACT SAME FLIP WIG AS WE’VE SEEN HER IN, Beth tries to be a responsible young person of indeterminate age who owns a house in Kentucky and not drink or take pills or steal shit. EXCEPT remember that time her adoptive dad said she could just have the house if she paid the mortgage? WELL BITCH SHOWS UP AND J’ACCUSES HER OF STEALING THE HOUSE FROM HIM. Which is hilarious because of all the things she stolen in this show, the house wasn’t one of them. In any case, she buys the house! And takes herself out to dinner! And has a drink! AND UH OH.

At this point the show just goes completely off the rails in addictive nonsense. Beth just goes around the house in her terrible flip wig applying makeup and barfing in to chess trophies. It’s every stereotypical drug/alcohol scene from every biopic ever except this chick doesn’t really exist and this show is wearing on my nerves and Beth has to stop making so many terrible live decisions and this wig has BETTER GET BETTER.

And then magically - Jolene shows up in the most fabulous afro wig!! WHAT! OK I WILL WATCH THE BITTER CONCLUSION OF THIS SERIES BECAUSE I LOVE JOLENE.

Episode 7: End Game

Jolene...Jolene....Jolene. Jolene. I love Jolene. I don’t love that this show uses her by making her be the “magical negro” trope who helps Beth get her life back together. Predictable nonsense! So yes, Jolene looks around Beth’s ramshackle drug den and tells her to get her life back together. AND THEN BETH DOES. No AA or rehab required! WHAT! I really appreciate that Jolene also compares her to Susan Hayward (star of Valley of the Dolls!) which is the sick burn/comparison I needed. 

The other reason Jolene showed up was to bring Beth to janitor Bill Camp’s funeral. At the funeral, which is very poorly attended, Beth reveals THAT SHE NEVER PAID BILL CAMP THAT $5 HE LENT HER (AND $10 SHE PROMISED HIM) AT THE BEGINNING OF HER CHESS CAREER. WHAT A PIECE OF SHIT. It is at this point that I fully decided that I wanted Beth to fail at everything because she is a garbage person who never gave propers to Bill Camp for changing her life for the better. THIS BITCH!! She even goes back to the orphanage where she discovers Bill Camp’s CHESS SHRINE DEVOTED TO HER! SHE FEELS LIKE SHIT AS WELL SHE SHOULD! I FULLY HATE HER!!!!

Jolene is much more forgiving of Beth than me and also introduces Beth to a new obsession: squash! Ok? It does allow Beth to wear a headband which is great wig-wise (in that it hides all the seamwork). Beth also turns down these Jesusy people who want to fund her chess trip to Russia and so Jolene GIVES HER $3,000 TO GO TO RUSSIA. IF THERE IS ANYTHING I’VE LEARNED IN THE LAST 5 MINUTES OF THIS SHOW IT IS THAT BETH WILL NOT PAY THAT MONEY BACK AND JOLENE PLEASE DO NOT!!!!

Jolene does. Beth goes to Russia which is straight out of every Bond movie and gets her shit together and wins a lot of damn chess. 

Though her midweight coat game rivals that of Nicole Kidman in The Undoing, her wig game ALSO RIVALS THAT OF NICOLE KIDMAN IN THE UNDOING IN THAT IT IS ALSO A RED NIGHTMARE WIG. This show spent so much goddamned money on clothes, sets, and CGI greenscreens of Mexico City AND YET NO MONEY FOR WIGS. BOO.

I did enjoy this one chess opponent’s walrus hair but otherwise, Beth’s flip wig has absolutely overstayed its welcome and is a compete and utter bent nightmare. Also! Remember that one hot chess dude? He shows up and helps Beth with Chess!! HUH?

Also every single weirdo in the chess community somehow form a chess calming circle in Love Actually’s bunker apartment and call Beth internationally to help her win against Borgov at chess! WHAT IN THE DAMN HELL? It is sweet I guess, but also makes ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING SENSE AS BETH WAS A TOTAL ASSHOLE TO ALL THESE PEOPLE AND DOES NOT DESERVE TO BE A PART OF THEIR WEIRD CHESS GANG.

Ultimately, Beth beats Borgov and wears THIS FUCKING HAT. I think we’re supposed to believe that she is now the white queen chess piece (I HATE THAT I NOW KNOW CHESS PIECES).

She is actually dressed in head to toe white and somehow convinces her American handler that she will just walk...to the airport? And despite being invited to the Johnson White House (girl go there!) would rather just wander the streets of Russia without any purse or luggage or way of getting home. THIS BITCH. She finds a new chess community of old men who play chess outside at folding tables and decides to join them WITHOUT GOING HOME TO PAY JOLENE ALL HER MONEY BACK WHICH IS ABSOLUTELY WHAT SHE SHOULD BE THINKING ABOUT AND ALSO MAYBE SETTING UP A BILL CAMP CHESS FOUNDATION BECAUSE YOU NEVER PAID HIM BACK YOU PIECE OF SHIT. No, she is no longer addicted to pills, alcohol, or stealing but is absolutely addicted to chess on a level that is probably lethal. I spent the last moments of the show demanding that the Russian chess hobos murder her and her immaculate white outfit because BETH IS A SELFISH ASSHOLE AND ALL HER WIGS ARE GARBAGE LIKE HER!!!!

VERDICT: DOESN’T WURQ

[bucciarati-pizza]

[ Fic ] - Jumpin’ Jack Flash: Chapter 2

second chapter of my be gay do crimes fic

You can also read this story here on my AO3! kind of a short chapter, but enjoy :)

The ride to the restaurant took but 5 minutes. As soon as Abbacchio stepped out of the police car, he stretched. Already, he felt completely exhausted. It wasn’t even 9:00 yet.

All night, he was kept awake with his thoughts. The haunting screams. The scare of his partner’s near death. Where the criminal and their victims could be. What he could have done better to stop it. A mixture of guilt, anger, and sadness was tearing Abbacchio apart from the inside and he was trying harder than anything not to let it show again.

After a moment, Abbacchio let out a heavy sigh. He was here to relax and clear his mind, not dwell on those things.

“Ey, Michele, you comin?,” he asked, poking his head back in the car to see his partner still in the seatbelt. The other shook his head.

“You go on in, I’ll be there in a few. I have to make a quick call.”

“Alright,” Leone replied, waving before he started walking towards the restaurant door.

Immediately he was hit with a wave of comforting familiarity. Light chatter, the smell of delicious pizza margherita, and the clinks of various dishes made him feel at home.

It was a small place, but especially packed this morning. The waiting line stretched all the way to the table nearest to him. The comforting feeling went away when Abbacchio gained a few dirty stares as he weaved his way into the line. He tried to avoid eye contact.

It was to be expected, wasn’t it? When you were a cop, you can’t expect the world to treat you nice. Even after all you do for it.

This is what Abbacchio thought as he folded his hands in front of him, disappointment evident on what was visible of his face. He’d shamefully pulled the rim of his hat down as far as possible. There was no sign of Michele yet and he wondered if he should order for him too.

Leone rested a hand on the chair next to him, seeing as the table was empty, absentmindedly tracing little patterns on it with his finger. A minute or so passed, no hope of the line moving up yet.

“Excuse me, officer..,” a voice shook him from his thoughts and he looked down to his left.

Possibly the prettiest guy he’d ever seen was standing there. He was simply dressed, in a white blouse that donned black heart patterns all over, lazily buttoned so that a toned and slightly tanned chest was exposed. He wore dark jeans, completely faded at the knees. His black chin length hair had a pair of gold clips holding straight bangs in place.

A pair of gentle blue eyes was curiously staring into his own.

Shit, was I staring that whole time?! I was staring!

The thought must have been mutual because they both looked away for a moment, faces feeling hot.

“I’m.. sorry to disturb you, but this is my seat,” the young man finally spoke.

Abbacchio’s eyes widened with realization. He’d probably just left it for a minute or so and came back.

“O-oh, My apologies, Signore,” he sputtered, quickly removing his hand and politely stepping aside.

“Bruno,” the man replied with a smile. “Thank you,” he added once the other stepped aside and he was able to sit again.

Bruno looked back up at the starstruck cop. “And you must be...” he tilted his head to the side, to read the name on his badge. “Abbacchio.”

Leone forgot he even had his name there and had to compose himself. He managed a smile, the first real smile he’d ever given in a long time. “That’s right,” he nodded. “Pleasure’s mine, Bruno.”

When was the last time.. someone was interested in talking with him?

“It’s a beautiful morning. Though, it’s almost never this busy, you know. Come here often?,” Bruno asked causally. His voice was so calm and soothing.

Abbacchio’s hands were no longer folded anxiously in front of him.

“I haven’t been here in ages. This is a favorite of mine though. The spaghetti alla bottarga is to die for,” he mused.

Bruno chuckled, a wonderful sound.

“Well, you’re a man of good taste then. That’s exactly what I ordered.”

The officer’s attention fell on a waiter walking towards the table with the same dish in hand. He stepped back in surprise.

“Your dish, Signor Buccellati.”

Buccellati... like the sweet cookies his mother used to leave on the windowsill to cool? He looked back down at Bruno, an elegant image of black and white. What a fitting name.

“Grazie,” Bruno, no, sweet Buccellati told the waiter before he walked away. Buccellati was staring at Abbacchio with intense eyes as he unraveled his silverware from fancy gold ties.

“Abbacchio...” the officer’s name echoed in his own head before he finally realized Bruno was the one that said it.

“Care to join me?,” Bruno looked down right away, as if he didn’t mean or even expect to say those words. “I- I mean when you’re off duty. If! .. uhh you’re probably very busy, protecting the city and all.” He looked even more flustered now, unable to bring his eyes back up.

Adorable.

‘I’m trying to at least,’ Abbacchio thought before adjusting his hat.

“I’m waiting for my partner to arrive.”

Slight disappointment. “Oh, I see.”

Abbacchio noticed this and tried to hide a smirk. Did he think...

Just then, Michele walked through the door, saw Abbacchio and raised a brow before getting in line. Bruno noticed this and silent realization came across him. Police partner.

The line was almost completely gone by now, but of course Leone hadn’t noticed. He was scribbling something down on a ticket, feeling pathetic because it was the only piece of paper he had on him. Bruno was watching with wide, shocked eyes.

“It was great to meet you, Signor Buccellati. Until next time,” he said as professionally as he could muster, handing him the ticket with slightly shaking hands.

‘ Take it please take it, I don’t know what possessed me to do this, but take it before I cripple over with embarrassment ,’ he was thinking, violet-blue eyes averted.

The other was simply speechless for a few seconds before he took the paper and it fumbled in his hands. “Y-yes, likewise, officer Abbacchio. Have a good day.” A bashful smile was exchanged.

Neither could really believe their luck.

Abbacchio’s day seemed a little bit brighter now.

When he finally reached Michele, after a few glances back, the other was already standing at the register, two coffees in hand, smiling like an idiot. “Were... were you just.. chatting that guy up?!”

“Not so loud!,” Abbacchio hushed, as a few heads near them turned. His face was hidden by the hat again as he took the coffee Michele got for him. “Thanks..”

Michele had known Leone was bisexual since high school. He’d been there for him when he came out, gave advice on asking out his crushes... and comforted him through breakups or when he doubted himself. But that had been long ago. Since joining the police force, Michele was certain his partner had given up on relationships as a whole. It was easy to see why, but in his two years of serving, Abbacchio lost more and more trust for people every day.

“Well,” he pressured in a gentler tone, “what was that about then?”

Abbacchio’s eyes were still wide.

“I-I have no idea..”

His heart was racing so fast, he actually didn’t have any idea. What was this feeling?

‘Shit, does this mean I potentially have a date? I have a date I have a date I have a date,’ alarms went off in his head.

Michele looked at him with those big eyes, pressuring for more like they were in school again.

“I’m.. interested in another human being. There! I said it,” he eventually admitted.

Michele’s mouth hung open. “Leone,” he gaped, “Dio mio... It’s about time,” he said, sounding a bit too much like a nonna scolding her child.

Abbacchio shrugged, still blushing.

“Sure, I guess.”

Michele then let out a sigh.

“Well.. I’m glad you’re feeling better,” he replied patting him on the back. “Because we’re going investigating.”

Abbacchio blinked.

“But I thought—“

“Don’t worry about Polpo right now. Someone is going to help us.”

So that call he made in the car was of importance...

They both knew it was risky, but Abbacchio said nothing in return. He had a migraine all of a sudden. Nothing like returning to the crushing reality of what was going on.

“Let’s get it over with.”

After hurriedly finishing the coffee, they started out of the restaurant. With a slight frown, Leone noticed his newfound ‘interest’ was already gone as he was about to pass the table they met at.

Oh well. Maybe I’m just too hopeful. I’m an idiotta for-

He was wrong. Right where he had been sitting was part of a receipt with the words, “for abbacchio” scribbled across the front. Leone paused and looked both ways. Did... did he actually...

He grabbed the tiny paper, heart fluttering.

“I’m usually here everyday before and after work. do you want to eat pizza with me?”

Underneath were some times he was available, and lastly a phone number with the name “Bruno.”

Leone chuckled to himself.

Do I want to eat pizza?

“Hey Abbacchio, are you- ooh what’s that?,” asked Michele, who hadn’t noticed the other stop to hover at a table. He leaned over to try to get a peek at the paper.

“Nothing.” Abbacchio promptly folded it in his hand.

“You’d better fill me in on all the details of your little date when you go,” Michele replied, strutting past him. “Bruno, huh,” he teased, waiting for his flustered reaction.

“Wha!-“

Michele tried not to laugh as he held the door open. Abbacchio tucked Bruno’s note away in his jacket pocket before getting into the driver’s seat.

Maybe, just maybe... this would actually work out. He even smiled to himself at the thought. But first...

“Alright, where are we meeting this so called ‘help’ and who is it?,” Abbacchio asked his partner as he buckled his seatbelt.

“To the coast. He’s meeting us at the site of the orphanage.”

A chill ran down Leone’s spine and he couldn’t help the suspicion tugging at the back of his mind. Something seemed off.

“Michele, I want a name. Who is it,” he asked again.

The other shook his head grimly.

“I can’t tell you until we get there, alright? Trust me.”

A few moments of silence and then the sound of a key turning on the ignition. He couldn’t not trust Michele, and knew he had good intentions, but god, he hoped this wouldn’t turn into anything bad.

And then, they were off and headed back for the outskirts of Napoli to solve the seemingly forbidden case.

[howtohero]

Uncontrollable Powers

Having superpowers is an awe inspiring thing. When before you were just a scrawny twerp who could lift at most one elephant over his head while breaking four to eighty nine sweats, now you can life at least sixteen elephants over your head while breaking zero to negative three sweats. That’s quite the upgrade. For some people going from zero to one thousand like that can be a bit of a jolt. There’s no shame in that. When Power Jones, the man with one million powers, first unlocked the power to destroy universe he actually destroyed all of existence like fifteen times before he got the hang of it. So the bar on losing control of your powers is set real low. You could destroy all of existence fourteen and a half times and still not be the biggest loser out there. But let’s talk about some of the things you can do when you’ve got a case of (power puking) uncontrollable powers. 

Cases of uncontrollable powers usually fall into two categories: Power usage that presents a danger to others, and power usage that presents a danger to oneself. (There’s a secret third category but we’ll deal with that later.)

Danger to Others This is like when you’ve just got so much concussive eye blast inside you that you can’t help but share it with the world. This is like when you sneeze and poison quills shoot out of your back. It’s when you can’t help but leak lava out of all your pores. Or when you turn everything you touch into gold. Until you get a handle on your powers you’re a risk to everyone and everything around you. Which is going to be bad for your morale. So try making yourself a nice happy song playlis- oh you’ve melted the music rectangle. Ok well then maybe you can do some nice relaxing yog- oh you’ve turned the yoga mat into spiders. You’ve turned everything into spiders. Gosh that’s pretty terrifying. Are you ok? Luckily it’s impossible to turn this guide into spiders. And you thought that was a waste of a genie wish, in your face. (That was a waste of a genie wish, we could’ve had a giant llama.) What the heck would we have done with a giant llama? (YOU JUST DON’T GET IT!) You’re darn right I don’t! 

Anyway, since your powers are going completely out of control, you can bet your last two pennies that have been fused together and also to your pants because you can’t stop fusing stuff together, that some superhero with a decent grasp on their powers is going to come fight you. Which is horrible I know, I’m sorry. Bad enough that you’re going to be punched a ton, but these super-nerds are also rubbing their mastery of the power to make rocks really big or really small right in your face. Which is really just rubbing salt in your wounds. This might sound like kind of a bum deal but I guarantee you that superheroes laying a smackdown on you is better than any of the alternatives which include:

A supervillain finding you and turning you into a weapon to wield against orphanages or siblings they’ve always been jealous of.

An enthusiastic civilian shooting you in the face for the greater good.

Aliens abducting you and then getting some incredibly off-base ideas about what the average human is. 

Destroying the world fifteen times because nobody came and picked you up. 

At least when a superhero picks you up they’ll probably come sporting some sleek power-suppressant cuffs and you can finally breathe normally without expelling live wasps from your throat. Sure they’re gonna throw you in a cell afterwards, but they’re superheroes, so it’ll be very comfortable. I was once in a superhero cell for reasons that needn’t be exposed (Karaoke related crimes. You know how it gets at the How To Hero office holiday parties. Last year, our in house exorcist Diego A. Wayghosts brought a haunted chocolate fountain from home for some reason and things got weird.) and it was really quite nice. There was a massage chair! And I think usually they play music but due to my special circumstance there was no music for me. (They started calling him the Karaoke Killer from the way he was just butchering those songs.) But I’m sure you’ll get music. You can finally listen to that happy songs playlist! 

Being locked up is obviously not ideal but it’s only until you can explain to the heroes that you’re a baby superhuman and you don’t quite have control of your powers yet. Once you do that they’ll be more than happy to help you. Superheroes are savvy enough to know that once a superhuman becomes active they have a very tiny window to prevent them from becoming a supervillain. (Gosh, remember The Wicked Window Widener? He became a supervillain because he saw a window that he deemed was just too small.) So they’ll let you out of your cell and they’ll get you to where you need to go to harness your powers. That might mean that they’ll keep you around and train you on site, especially if they’ve got a hero on their team with a similar power set as you. Or it could mean sending you over to OPG where they’ve got more experience with this kind of thing. 

If your powers are so unstable that it’s not a matter of self-control, OPG might develop some type of equipment to help you keep your powers in check. Whether that means special gloves to prevent you from turning everything you touch into gold. Or reverse engineering the magical properties imbued in this blog thanks to a genie to prevent you from turning everything you touch into spiders. You’ll be well-taken care of. 

Danger to Yourself This is type of power incontinence mostly affects mind-readers or people with one or more super-sense. These heroes are more susceptible to sensory overload which can result in terrible migraines or other mental stresses. When this occurs you need to be an advocate for yourself. Which sucks. Making an appointment with a doctor is hard enough. Now you’ve got to call your local superhero’s emergency hotline? That sounds so stressful. That guy saved the world. What has your doctor even done? Saved one life? Two? 40? That’s nothing. What’s even the point of them. What are you even gonna say? Ah I bet you’re gonna mess it up. “Hi hello, is this Ultiman? Five time galaxy saver and three time Emmy nominee? Yes uh, my name is Linda and I have a headache”? That’s terrible! Don’t mention the Emmy thing, he lost three times! Gosh you blew it. Now you have to listen to everybody’s thoughts all the time forever. And everybody has terrible thoughts. Your neighbor Tim has convinced himself that he is “one with the squirrels.” He’d never say it out loud but he thinks it all the dang time. The squirrels don’t even realize you exist Tim! Stop it! You’re embarrassing yourself. But only in your innermost thoughts! Gosh this is terrible you should not be exposing his secret shame gosh. 

Hopefully a more experienced mind reader or super-sensor will just stumble upon you, identify the problems you’re struggling with you, and just help you out without you having to figure out how to put “I smell everything that’s ever happened in the entire world” into a coherent sentence. People who can identify your problems are really the only people who can help you, so if you’re going through this, try stumbling towards the regular psychic hangouts in your town. Any restaurants, bars, or supermarkets labeled “silent spaces” are definitely rife with psychics. As is the psychic fish aquarium. Which is a huge waste of space since it is home to exactly one fish who yes, can probably help you, but come on. It’s a fish. These people will be able to help you deal with the sensory overload by teaching you to focus on specific things. Just stick with them and they’ll take care of you. Alternatively, you can try to purchase power-suppressant cuffs on the blackmarket, but that’s a great way to fall into a supervillain’s crosshairs. Supervillains are always on the market for mind readers and the like. So they definitely will kidnap you and figure out how to use you to read the minds of their enemies and their stupid older sister who’s like a lawyer or something but who definitely has deep dark embarrassing fears and secrets that an out of control mind reader like you can definitely glean from their stupid lawyer brains. 

And so there you have it, the two categories of uncontrollable powers. I guess the lesson here is that it takes a village to control a superpower. So if you’ve recently acquired superpowers, don’t hesitate to reach out to your local superheroes for help getting them under control. That’s all for today folks, be good to one another. And Tim, you go on believing whatever you want brother. I’m sure the squirrels think they’re one with you too. See you on Thursday! 

(Bonus: Danger to No One These are the uncontrollable powers that aren’t hurting anyone! Like the power to always smell good. Or that power the OPG calls “Always Thinking: Always Thinking is the power to always have an objectively good idea. Subjects are constantly coming up with good ideas for all sorts of things. Ideas that have been observed have ranged from delicious sorbet recipes to workable plans for wide-scale nuclear disarmament. The ideas seem to have no correlation to whatever is going on at the moment but they’re always objectively good. For example, even Grumpy Gernard from IT liked the sorbet we made from that sorbet recipe. And Grumpy Gernard hates sorbet. Remember when Jan brought in IT he said he’d rather eat cat poo than even look at it. She cried. It was rough. But he liked this sorbet! Thus is the power of Always Thinking. Combat Potential: It is likely that subjects with this power will come up with dozens of brilliant battle strategies that they can enact as needed.” These powers will either just have no effect on your life, such as the power to always have hair. Or will make your life much better, such as the power to always have a giant llama following you around. Imagine all the glorious things you could accomplish if you had a giant llama always following you around that you could never make disappear. You’d be king of the world with that much llama power. If only it had been me at the garage sale. I could’ve found that genie lamp. I could’ve had a giant llama. Curses!)  

[crowbean]

Gifts for @crybabyanbu

hello @crybabyanbu (why cant i tag you??), i’m your @narutorp-secretsanta

I feel the need to explain the two gifts : because i thought the fanfic i wrote doesnt sit right. i decided to draw you a christmas themed ANBU! Obito with ANBU! Kakashi but it kinda broke away from your request. Because i felt not confident enough to give you one of them, i decided to fix up the fic, and give you both :,DDD. hoping it’ll compensate eachother. I hope you enjoy it and prayers for you to have a good holiday

-

Krampus! Obito and Santa! Kakashi : Here’s a high-resolution version of it : https://sta.sh/01dbhjqtxgbh

-

The Fanfic

Crybabyanbu’s request :  any kind of ANBU shenanigans or spending holidays away from home. 

i end up combining both lol. because im an indecisive fuck.

-

Obito peeked at the owner of the small house as the man greeted the courier. Quietly he stood in the dinner room where the man had already prepared a meal for his own. The man finally hold the gift handed by the courier and closed his door, a gift from yours truly.

The gift is nothing more than a small packet, a contrast to the mountains of giant, ostentatious parcels left untended by his living room. Which prompted Obito to cross his fingers if the man would even open it or simply toss it aside. Obito had chosen the most sentimental looking wrapper and even a greeting card, much to Kakashi’s chagrin. Staring at the man full of anticipation through the door sills.

The man finally opened his present, his dull eyes cracked as he sees the framed picture inside it, and that look scratches Obito’s twisted little sense of humor.  He tears open the envelope containing Obito’s greeting card, adding more bewilderment to his face as he reads it. The man whips his head left and right to see his surrouding, looks like that is Obito’s que.

“who!?-“

Slowly and dramatically, he walks into the man’s hindsight.

“Not liking your gift, Ikezawa-san? Oh yeah, it’s Kenzo Keito now huh?

The man, Ikezawa Shiru, bulged his eyes like deer in the headlights, seemingly with questions he’s supposed to ask, but withheld it. His hands about to form a seal

“Mokuton!”

               A whirlwind of wood engulfed the man before he finished the seal, clenching him tight

               “Ugh!”  

               Obito creeps towards the trapped man. Still with his attempt to look imposingly haunting. the room’s shadow still cloaking his figure with the air of mystery he basked in.

               “What do you want!? I could give you anything! Just let me go!” He blurted so fast Obito barely could understand what he was saying

               “You want me to let you go? I for one, want to spend the holiday week back home. Probably almost as much your friends in the picture want to spend it …alive.. But no, I’m stuck in this dirty little traitor’s hovel. And those people are murdered by you. So you see, you cant always get what you want, even if it’s Christmas.”

his glowing sharingan behind his ANBU mask and his uniform that is covered in black soot possibly from his unsanctioned entrance. There’s no more question on from where and why Obito came

“L-Listen, Anbu.  You might’ve think what you are doing is right just like how I am back when I was a konoha ninja.. but have you ever wonder about the consequences of the missions your Hokage put you through?”

Obito crosses is arms, letting the man finish

“You are nothing more than a tool to do the bidding for the daimyo court, a tool for their exchange of favor, people who’ll let a village burn just to stay in power.”

“How does being an information broker better?”

“At least I could use the money they gave me to do …w-what I believed in.” the man faltered at his ambiguous last words. “Could you say the same?”

Obito didn’t press on the man’s unsure tone despite his curiosity, he picks up the frame the man had dropped from his urgency, showing it to his face. “Even with the cost of their lives?”

The man just paused, he gazed almost sullenly at the photo. it was taken back in his younger days with his three comrades that tried to stop him when he went rogue. When they pick up some his tendency to leave Konoha, they tried to reason with him, one even threatened to report to the Generals. One night he decided to assassinate them all in their sleep. Just to buy himself sometime as he escaped Konoha. Those three murder becomes the foundation to his ambitions, and the hundreds of lives lost because of his information leak only adds to that. And he’s not even sure when is a price would go to high, just so he could stay as himself

“I-“

A Kunai jabbed at his forehead, giving him an instant death.

Obito just turns his head, “I wasn’t finished”

Kakashi looks unimpressed at all, Obito could feel it behind his mask. “You talked to him long enough, Obito.”

The wood trapped him shrinks down releasing the limp body to fall hard to the floor

“Talking too much like a drama villain could be the end of you. I wouldn’t be here forever to babysit your clumsy behind.” Kakashi continued

“You’re the one who always getting your ass saved by me, you pompous fuck.”

Obito crouches down and pulls out the kunai of the man’s forehead. Giving it to Kakashi without looking at him. He stood up, avoiding the pool of red gushing bigger and bigger on the varnished floor.

Kakashi looked at Obito almost knowingly, “He has the same reason as any traitors we have hunted down before. Why do you keep doing this?”

“I don’t know, after weeks of tracking a guy down, maybe I want a story, a good insight why someone turned out like this”

“Does it matter? We all have such struggles and it all boils down in the choice of succumbing to it or not.” Kakashi just sighs, “and we have no way of finding out he is telling the truth anyway.”

After he closed the man’s eyelids, Obito just looked at Kakashi with utter disapproval. Obito always see Kakashi as someone who perceived the world in black and white, succumb or not, true or false, it’s always been that way since they were children, only getting less insufferable thanks to Obito’s influence, whether Kakashi’s would want to admit it or not. Kakashi might be Konoha’s most overrated brightest bulb, second only to the sun, but he has the emotional capacity of a carcass. Obito always noted that maybe that’s why he’s so good at being a ninja, a job that degrades one’s sense of self day after day.

For Obito, he needed to give some kind of tribunal to those he’ll come to assassinate, the context of their crimes. Just so he doesn’t feel their crimes, their deaths, and his own endeavors meaningless. In contrast to Kakashi who felt their stories are just a weight to one’s conscience and a potential jam to his systemic mindset. Obito felt utterly uncomfortable being a small gear to a monstrous machine of the shinobi system.

Obito couldn’t help to wonder if the man was true, if his mutiny is his attempt to follow the greater truth. But it doesn’t matter to him, he murdered the people who trusted him and that’s a step too far for Obito because he always operated under one rule of thumb : never betray a friend. A rule Kakashi finds too simplistic and could break in thousands of situations. but Obito knows Kakashi agrees with it in the most essential level, because he hold loyalty in such a high degree. Judging from Kakashi’s view of life and society.

Kakashi has this mindset that almost reminds Obito of Madara, both see humanity as inherently violent with a natural tendency to infringe in each other’s rights. The difference is Kakashi believed the cure to this is societal order, to intermingle one’s right with other’s duty and vice versa. Madara however, believed there is a salvation for this, the Utopia of infinite Tsukuyomi. To finally abandon all the oppressive quality of reality and redefining it . Both mindset favors loyalty to the cause they pursue.

Obito finally snaps back from his tangent thought. to see Kakashi pondering hard and checking his surroundings in how to erase their trail so the investigation wouldn’t lead to an international feud against the land of lightning. Kakashi would never trust Obito enough to help out, obito would only muck up everything with obvious clues the asshole said.

Obito’s eyes just wandered to the abundance of gifts and parcels the man received, probably thank you from the kumogakure higher ups for his well-informed intel of Konoha’s garrison or maybe a welcome gift from his mutiny against Konoha, Obito couldn’t be too sure. Such a waste Obito thought, even if the guy is alive he’ll never be able to finish it all.

Then an idea pops into his head.

-

“We’ve rang the bell five times already! Is anyone even there?” Obito fretted

“Calm down” Kakashi said behind him

The two young Anbu have transformed into two old men. Staring intently at Obito’s clones who he turned into old ladies . Standing idly to what Kakashi said is an orphanage they found two miles from the land of lightning border.

“Is this place is even an orphanage!? Maybe you’ve chosen the wrong place, smartass!”

“Just send another old lady to read the giant sign over there.” Kakashi answered reluctantly.

“Is it even operational!?”

You’d think the bright lights by the window would give out an obvious clue to Obito, but Kakashi knows Obito is just being voicing his antsy mood. he’s always loose his patience easily when something excites him so

“Maybe they’re busy. It’s a special night after all… maybe they’re singing or-”

Then suddenly one of Obito’s clones does a mokuton to the door

BANG!

“What gives!?” Obito half yelled. Kakashi’s eyes just pops out.

The clones disappeared out of the fear. Obito whispered “Cowards!”

“So is your big idea of generous gifts also comes with vandalism?”

“I didn’t know they’ll do that!” Obito’s clones shares Obito’s impatience yet not the teaspoon of self-control he has. “The door seemed okay..”

Finally, an old lady emerged from the orphanage door. To see the mysterious abundance ofparcels and a fat brown envelope sitting by the welcome mat. After begging Kakashi to pilfer the over-abundant of gifts the man has. Kakashi helped Obito choose the things that couldn’t be easily tracked down, because Obito basically wanted to strip the house bare to be gifts.

Kids comes along behind the old lady, who was tentative of the gifts at first but finally gives in as the kids were manic with enthusiasm to raid it all.

“I hope it’s enough.” Obito sighs

Judging by the look the old woman gave after she opened the large envelope. Kakashi smiles, he quite sure it’s enough

After seeing the joyful little crowd in front of the orphanage The two decided to walk back to the alleyway and transformed back to their cloaked figure

“Satisfied?” Kakashi asked

“Yup” very much. Even though the two of them ruined their target, Ikezawa, Christmas for good, at least he didn’t let his earnings go to waste. And For obito he finally got the the good ending for his holiday ruining mission.

Obito remembers why he didn’t choose champion Madara’s cause, choosing the world where Rin died so cruelly and tragically as the reality. It’s basically boils down to his rule of thumb, his loyalty to the real things that he felt like not the idea of a grand “what-if” like Ikezawa did, at least that’s what he believe Rin fought for. With that rule of thumb as his foundation he believes he won’t question the tiniest good deeds he’ll able to wrangle from his grinding life-style. It’ll be a real reward.

“I think one day we should come back here and educate them precautions in taking in gifts” Kakashi added

“What do you mean?”

“Not everyone has well intentions when they left gifts by your door, what if we were to lace them with poision? It’ll be too easy when they are so trusting with anonymous gifts.”

“Who’ll benefit in doing that to orphans!?”

“You’ll never know” Kakashi mused.  

Great

knowing full well where Obito’s mind would head to , Kakashi added. “And relax, those parcels are safe, if they were poisoned I would’ve smelled it.”

Yeah, but there’s an unnecessary 1% chance that’ll bother Obito for the rest of their journey. Kakashi is such an asshole.

 ----

I’m sorry if there’s a spelling error/weird grammar. I double checked, but sometimes i just missed things repeatedly :,DD. i hope you’re having a fun holiday!

[stargleeksil-blog]

Criminal Minds s05e02 “Haunted” reviews - or more aptly named, Hotch loses it! Damn!

Episode 02 – Haunted

Hey guys! Whew, last time was a doozie! I mean, seriously!! That was one intense episode.

Let’s hope they tone it down so I don’t blow a gasket.

Let’s see what happens.

Flashback of a kid running from something. This isn’t good.

Psychotic dude. Probably the kid from the memory. Fuck.

I don’t like where this is going, not with that title. Yikes.

Oh god. So you see he’s suffering, you don’t have a refill, you can’t do something for him? Oh honey.

So the packing dude approaches him with a knife. Oh boy.

So he touches him and he starts getting stabby? Oh boy.

Lady, why touch the psycho? Yikers.

Oh boy. A psychotic spree. Fuck.

This dude is one amazing actor. Damn.

Ha. Derek walking past Rossi’s office and he’s like, “He’s not in yet.”

XD I love how Rossi has this telepathy thingy going on.

“You’ve been walking past Hotch’s office for an hour.”

Awwww, my lovely watchdog.

So they put my lovely baby in a button-down again, didn’t we discuss this is dangerous for my already-fragile health? Damn you.

Also, his concerned face is another major trigger for me.

Let’s just agree, having Shemar Moore on my screen, as Derek Morgan, is dangerous for me. Period

Guess I’m living on the edge XD

“And you think that’s long enough?”

“You don’t? Tell him.”

“No thanks. I like my job.”

Smart baby.

“What if he’s got PTSD?”

There it is.

“He was evaluated.”

Don’t bullshit my baby, Rossi.

“Come on, Rossi, we wrote those questions. Hotch knows exactly how to answer them.”

Yup.

“Every day that Foyet is out there, Hotch loses, and you know that.”

Yup.

“You know what that makes Hotch?” “Distracted.”

Yup.

“Motivated.”

Meh.

I’m with Derek here, I think Hotch needs more time.

“Does it hurt?”

Oh honey. I love concerned Penelope, it’s like she’s the mother hen and my poodle is her baby chick.

“It really only hurts when I think about it, which is pretty much all the time.”

Oh honey.

Poodle reaching for cookies.

“No, no, no. Get away, you. These are for Hotch.”

“I get shot in the leg and I don’t get any cookies.”

Oh honey. I love you so much, just give him the cookie, Penelope.

“You know he’s gonna hate the attention.”

“It’s cookies, not cake.”

“He’s probably gonna pretend like nothing happened, anyway.”

Well, I’m probably gonna have to pretend that I don’t want to be that sucker.

“Well, it doesn’t mean we have to.”

True.

“I think maybe we should.”

Why?

“Well, I don’t roll that way.”

Damn straight she don’t.

“The entire time I’ve known Hotch, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him blink.”

Of all the things you could think about, poodle.

“I know. It’s weird.”

Lol, I love how she just rolls with him.

“Classic alpha male behavior.”

You say my dark puppy don’t blink? Hmm, guess poodle has a point.

“Do you think he stared down Foyet?”

“Maybe. If it would save his life.”

Point, poodle.

“Do you think he stared the whole time, like with each stab?”

“I have no idea.”

I really don’t like this conversation.

“Is he okay?”

“I wouldn’t be, but … I’m a blinker.”

Oh poodle.

Wait. My poodle has to leave while on crutches? Oh god.

“You look well, sir.”

You’re such a cutie, Garcia!

“Welcome back.”

Poodle!

“Actually, he’s of the hermit variety.”

I love her lingo so much!

“Nothing to live for.”

Yet he hasn’t killed himself, so something’s holding him there.

“Is he military?”

“Negative.”

Ha. If it wasn’t so serious, this reaction would have been awesome!

“This guy’s got anger, endless targets, and a gun, and he’s just getting started.”

Oh dear.

Emily Dickinson: “One need not be a chamber to be haunted. One need not be a house. The brain has corridors surpassing material place.”

Yeesh, I’m taken back to my college days when I dreaded the day we’d deal with Dickinson. That is one morbid lady.

Hey! That’s Glenn Morshower! I love that guy, he always guest stars as this super badass official guy, awesome XD

“We try to figure out where he’s headed next.”

“You got a crystal ball?”

Oh my god, I’m in love XD

So Darrin has been going to that pharmacy for years. Oh boy.

So she gave him prescription bag that wasn’t his just to calm him down? Oh dear.

“Hotch, we might have something else here.”

“Why didn’t you give him his own medication?”

Because he didn’t have any refills. Damn.

“He was on an antipsychotic?”

Oh damn. And he didn’t have refills? Oh god.

“You said he used to be. How long has he been off of them?”

A month. Oh jeez.

“And when were you gonna tell us this?” Hey, whoa, since when is Hotch aggressive towards witnesses?

“This is not her fault.”

Nope. I mean, kind of, but it’s not her fault he’s on antipsychotics and had a psychotic break.

“Garcia, he’s been off his antipsychotic for a month. What else did you miss?” FOR REAL?

Morgan, talk him down from attacking baby girl.

“I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t get his medical records yet, so …”

“Well, find them. Find everything.”

HEY!

So he’s interrupting a session with his doc because he’s so desperate? Oh honey.

Shit. The freaked out patient touched him. Oh dear.

Fuck. They’re too fucking late.

Why did Hotch just get out? What’s going on?

“Call is suffering from a psychotic break, he’s not dodging us on purpose.”

“Oh, come on.”

“Trust me.”

Yes, trust my Italian grandpa (not that I have any, but still, Joe is going to be freaking seventy this year! Wow!)

“Look at this place.”

“Yeah, it’s a mess.”

You really think that’s what caught my baby’s attention?

“No, it’s more than that. Call was looking for something.”

Exactly.

“Yeah, the drugs.”

God, you’re dumb.

“Doctor doesn’t keep the drugs here. Scrip pad is still on his desk.”

Yup.

“Yeah, baby girl, what’s going on?”

“Where’s Hotch? He’s not answering.”

Oh god.

“He’s outside.”

Oh thank god.

“Are you sure?”

Oh honey.

“Yeah. What’s up?”

“A mystery.”

Wait what?

“Come on, not today, Garcia.”

“I know.”

Oh, she sounds so disappointed she can’t give him much. Honey.

“Here’s the deal. When I missed the antipsychotics …”

“Listen to me. That was not your fault.”

I love this man to bits.

“You are ever my champion, sugar, but I believe it was.”

Really?

“I went back to the beginning for Call, except there is no beginning.”

Wait what?

Guys… I don’t know what’s up with season five, but be prepared for LONG reviews. I mrean – shit-long!

“Wait a minute.”

“Rossi.”

“Say that again. What are you talking about?”

“Darrin Call didn’t exist, like, from 1969 to 1975.”

Dang.

“Was he abandoned?”

“My least three favorite words strung together: I don’t know.”

Oh honey.

“My guess is neither does he.”

Oh boy.

Oh shit. This poor dude. Fuck.

Oh my god, Garcia starts to list the names of the prescriptions and Hotch is like, “Just send it.” Cuz he realizes it will never end. Damn.

“His doctor weaned him off the prescription for a reason. Now, that’s a big risk, so the reward must have been greater.”

“He needs the truth.”

Yup.

Wait. So Call may have run away from a scene where they abducted and killed children? Oh dear lord almighty.

So he’s going back to the orphanage to find out who he is, but the dude who ran it back then isn’t there anymore. Oh honey.

Oh dear, don’t tell me. Fuck. He took the kid because in his psychosis he’s the kid who tried to help him run back in his childhood. Oh dear.

“You’re wasting your time.”

There’s a way to phrase things, Hotch.

“They don’t need the extra manpower.”

“Since when?”

Oh god, he’s taking this back to the Foyet case. Oh jeez. Derek was right. Fuck.

Wait. Baby girl found Tommy? Oh that lady is marvelous.

Btw, currently as I’m writing up this post, the episode where Shemar comes back for season thirteen is about to air, and I’m trying my mightiest to avoid spoilers XD oh god, this is tough on me since I’m only in season five. Be patient, my Shemar-loving heart.

Why is Tommy denying that Call had been with him? Oh dear.

Oh god. That dad is messed up in the fucking head. Poor kid.

That Tommy is awesome! Wow!

So Darrin’s dad was the Hollow Creek Killer? Oh dear lord, the poor thing.

And the mother didn’t know about the kid, because she was probably dead. Oh god.

“Baby girl, I’m gonna put you on speaker.”

So behave XD

Oh my god, his dad is in the same position as he was back in the 70s? Oh god.

Why is that lieutenant so hot on dismissing the FBI? I wouldn’t. Not with that amazing face of Paget staring at me XD

Wait hold up. Is Hotch going in there on his own? What the fuck?

“What the hell is he doing?”

Again, with Derek all the way.

“Rossi, I’m not letting him go in there solo.”

“We have to trust him.”

Oh dear.

Oh god, this Ryan boy is so in over his head, poor thing.

“Stalling.”

I hope so.

“He’s got nothing to lose.”

Oh god.

Was that a signal?

Wait. So that asshole sits and watches kids all day? Ew.

The kid is safe, thank fuck.

Fuck. Those were gunshots. Fuck.

Rossi: “It’s over.”

Derek: “For now.”

Yeesh.

At least Darrin got closure with Tommy.

Polybius: “There is no witness so dreadful, no accuser so terrible, as the conscience that dwells in the heart of every man.”

I don’t know who this dude was, but he was wise af.

Wait. Hold up. So the episodes are now well-rounded and begin and end in the same place? Whoa.

“Two months ago we wouldn’t be breaking down Hotch’s decisions. There’d be no doubt.”

“Two months ago he had everything to live for, Rossi.”

“Now his family’s just been taken away. How is he supposed to think about anything else?”

“How long is he gonna let Foyet win? Hmm?”

I’m sorry, but can I just say that Shemar’s mannerisms seriously explain everything? He’s acting like he’s on The Young and the Restless in those drama scenes … no complaints here, he’s amazing! I’m just laughing my ass off because his acting genius started on a soap opera and I can never take those seriously.

“I mean, come on, by the time we catch this guy, Hotch could be more scarred on the inside than he is the outside.”

Dang, he’s right.

“Hotch took a risk, but we saved that boy.”

Like that’s supposed to make up for Hotch’s dumbness?

“He put his life at risk in there in ways that we are never supposed to, and you know it.”

“I’m not about to stand by and watch this man kill himself.”

You go, baby boy.

“If Hotch is gone, Foyet’s got no one else to torture. Hotch wins.”

Oh jeez.

“But if Hotch lives, but doesn’t get to watch his son grow up, Hotch loses.”

Hell no.

They need to put Foyet the Fucker down.

 Okay, so this episode was seriously hard for me. Because there was a dude who suffered trauma as a kid, and I never like adults inflicting trauma on kids, especially on their own children. It’s just sick. And I love how they do not let this Foyet thing go, they let it guide the season, and it’s gonna continue until he’s put down. And they show how everyone is dealing with it, because everyone is a team together, and I absolutely love it. As you may have noticed above, I am currently writing this review on Oct. 24th, meaning this week airs the episode where Shemar comes back for season 13... and I’m desperately trying to avoid spoilers. So I beg of you, spare me.

I’m honestly beyond excited about this season and cannot wait to see what lies in store. I’ll see you guys next time <3

[amazinghcwkeye]

                        META TALKS;;  CLAIRE && PREGNANCY && SEX

(  OVERALL TRIGGERS FOR childhood sexual abuse, domestic violence, mention of a miscarriage, mention of wanting an abortion, sexual harassment and rape. Bad and sexist language is also used. Please tread carefully if any of these things trigger you.  )

First thing first, this is going to get down and dirty and I am not going to mince words. Claire was sexually abused at the orphanage and the circus. Because of this, she developed C-PTSD/PTSD and has complex emotions towards sex and pregnancy. 

** IMPORTANT: Everything has been researched very carefully and some of it is based on my own experiences. Please do not come into my inbox or ims screaming about how I don’t know anything. And yes, well everything in here is a bit dark, it’s something that has been in development for over a few years. This was not spur of the moment, this has been thoughts and headcanons I’ve collected and worked on since starting Claire’s blog originally. If you don’t want to read anything in here, that’s fine. While this headcanon is apart of this blog, not all of this is going to show up in most of the threads, so don’t worry. Also this is part 1/? who knows how many meta talks i’ll be having about Claire.  

I'm really nervous about sharing this but I really want to, so that said, let’s get into this. 

Her first introduction into sex was after their parents died, because despite how horrible Harold Barton was, he sheltered his children (imho) from things like sex and relationship and their mother figured they were too young to even really talk about anything like sex and finding love. So, her first introduction was with the man who did the orphanage’s laundry. He thought she was pretty and she was just terrified and unable to really find a niche in the home and so she looked for places to hide which is where he found her, hiding and he took advantage of her. When her and Barney managed to run, she tried to leave behind the icky feelings that came from what happened to her, but she was never able to really get rid of them. 

Which leads to..

Claire’s first time was with Viktor, the son of the fortune teller at the circus. She was 15 years old and he was 17 and she didn’t love him. But after breaking up with a townie shortly before going on the road again, Viktor offered to take her to a party where they got drunk and slept together in the bedroom of some townie who they didn’t know and honestly, she loved it. Afterwards though, she quietly sobbed in the bathroom, mentally eviscerating herself for sleeping with someone she didn’t love because that meant that the laundry guy was right; she was a whore. 

(of course we know that is a big ass lie) 

After that, Claire got herself another boyfriend, this time a little older (which is very illegal) and focused on trying to ignore the overwhelming feelings of complete dirtiness that came from all her drinking and fucking. He was a townie and believed her when she said she was old enough. After a few weeks, she got sick of him and broke up. But then she realised that she was getting sick in the mornings shortly after and that was the first time Claire got pregnant. At 16, she couldn’t be a parent, she was hardly a functioning adult. But she didn’t want to have an abortion, she was raised in a religious orphanage and thought that it was wrong. 

It didn’t matter though, the strain of training and the violence that she lived with in the circus caused her to miscarry and while she cried daily about it, there was a little part of her that was relieved that she didn’t have to figure out what to do anymore. Her relief lasted shortly though as she realized that with losing the baby, she gained a crippling sleeping problem that made her drink more and act out. She waited a bit to start dating again, she had heard that if you had sex after being pregnant (even if you had a miscarriage) you could risk getting pregnant again and she was too terrified of that. 

Though after a few months of not sleeping unless she was piss drink, Claire went back to dating and sleeping around because the nightmares from when she was younger was scarier than the nightmares of getting pregnant. Her first “boyfriend” after her miscarriage was the Strongman of the circus. He was violent and reminded her of her father and she made sure that no matter how drunk she was, she took the birth control that she had stolen. She refused to end up like her mother: shackled to a man who abused her and her kids. After a few months, she broke it off with him. Sorta. He was not one to take no for an answer so Claire just ignored most of his advances and slept with a knife under the bed. 

(Even if that didn’t protect her all the time) 

After the circus and the relationships that destroyed her understanding of basic relationships, Claire would get drunk and sleep with whoever was nearby. Sometimes, she would sleep with her marks or people who employed her and she occasionally dealt with people who refused her saying no unless she held a gun to their heads. ( unfortunately, more than once she had incidents where she didn’t have a weapon to protect herself and despite her training there are people stronger than her       it’s why she has so many scars on her body ) 

That was until she came across a situation where she felt she had fallen in love with a mark; sure he was wanted for a lot of things ( murder, thievery, being a turncoat, things that claire normally abhorred ) but he valued her opinions and made her feel wanted. Deciding to stay with him for a bit, she lived on the run with him and they decided they were going to start a family. But things weren’t as they seemed and shortly after she got pregnant - whoo boy did that do a huge damage on her mentality - he went missing. Too far along for an abortion, Claire was forced to carry the baby to term. 

Throughout it all, she suffered mentally. Her body changed in a way she didn’t like, she was forced to go into hiding until after she went into labor, she was forced to deal with nightmares every night she was actually able to go to sleep. She wanted to drink, all the time, but she didn’t because she didn’t want to hurt the baby even if she didn’t want it. Claire tried to find him all the time but she couldn’t and by time she actually gave birth, she was severely depressed and ready to end her life. 

Giving birth was the worst part of her life, she hated every second of the event and when she had given birth to the baby, she refused to hold the child. Everyone chalked it up to postpartum depression but Claire knew it was because this child wasn’t going to stay with her. She wasn’t going to risk giving the child up for adoption in a foster system - she had been a victim of it and she refused to do that to a child she didn’t want - but she knew she had to get rid of the kid. 

She spent a year looking and after finding a family that wanted a child (after secretly watching them for that length of time) she left the baby with them, swearing to watch over the child to make sure it was loved and cared for and promising to leave money in their bank account every month to help them. 

Not long after that, Claire was picked up by SHIELD and became an agent. During the beginning she was sent on honeypot missions (not that often but enough that Claire has developed a healthy hatred of trying to seduce someone and now just flirts really bad) and Claire hated every bit of it, and she eventually told her handlers that she refused to do those types of missions anymore because she felt uncomfortable using her body in such a way. Her first handler (before Coulson) didn’t care and told her that she was a weapon to be used how SHIELD wanted because she was a criminal who belonged in prison not working for the government.

Claire bucked it up and continued to do whatever mission that was sent her way. If a few of her missions lead to sexual harassment then she didn't complain. She knew her place - even if she argued with it. By time she finally decided that she had had enough, she was having hard time sleeping, nightmares and just hated working there, and so she decided to approach Fury and tell him to toss her in prison, at least there she had a chance to escape. When asked where all the negative emotions were coming from, Claire explained what was going on and Fury was not happy. 

She got a brand new handler and life at SHIELD got a bit easier to deal with. But there was still some trauma that was not dealt with because even though she was forced to go to aSHIELD therapist, she refused to truly talk about why honeypot missions bugged her and so she didn’t really deal with it. 

Which leads to..

Future relationships with Claire is so low maintenance (even if she does occasionally have problems where she cheats without meaning to) that she honestly just wants to cuddle and not discuss her past relations with her partner. When it comes to kids, oh god does she have problems. She wants them, she really does, but at the same time, she’s still haunted by the child she left behind. Any relationship she would have is a relationship built on trust and love and she’s terrified that finding out that she has a child, that finding out that her entire sexually history is tainted by dark heavy stuff that she’d rather just never explain will destroy any relationship. 

If it ever came to discussing having kids, Claire would probably have an internal freak-out and then, after trying to ignore it for so long, Claire would explain her history of pregnancy and talk about it with them. If she ever got pregnant, she’d deal with it badly by talking with her partner and a lot of communication by hiding it in the beginning, she would be terrified that they’d leave if they found out (because last time she thought she had a forever relationship, it went badly). When it came out, she would be over consumed by feelings and in some situations (if she felt too confined) she might even leave. Eventually she’d just come out and explain that when she was younger she had a child, gave it up and has felt horrible about it for years. She knows that she can’t take it back and she really doesn’t want to, but she would still regret it.

Eventually after much therapy, she would learn that what happen wasn’t her fault and that she is better than what her past was. She would also learn (after taking parenting classes) how to be a better parent. Because while much of her trauma towards children settle deeply from what was done to her and how she reacted towards it, a lot of it still stems from the abuse that was done to her by her father. Honestly, relationships would be hard even if she wasn’t abused, because she would be terrified of ending up like her mother or ending up like her father and not trusting herself not to end up like either of them. 

OTHER THINGS: 

Claire struggles with insecurity due to the abuse she suffered. In a relationship, she struggles with feeling good enough for the other person and she also struggles with drinking during a relationship. She feels like she doesn’t deserve her partner and will show it by either attaching herself to the other person or distancing herself.

[boschlingtumbles]

White Wedding Ch 24

Cersei was not going to scream. First that... horrid woman had landed her horrid helicopter on the grass, ruining Cersei’s entrance (you only get one shot to make a first impression unless you roofie somebody, and how was she going to drug the entire party?!) and then she had the gall, the unbelievable gall to wear red! Red was the Lannister color! CERSEI WAS WEARING RED!

There would be vengeance. Oh there would be vengeance.

“Cersei, darling!” Cassana Baratheon called, sweeping her into the lightest breeze of an embrace as she air kissed her cheeks. “Don’t you look just like Joanna! A little plumper, but really the spitting image!”

Plumper?! PLUMPER?!

“I love your dress,” Cersei gave her a mega-watt smile. “It’s so refreshing to see women of a certain age embracing today’s fashion.”

Cassana laughed, and hooked her arm into Cersei’s.

“Let’s get a glass of wine my dear. Something better than this dreadful vintage they’re passing around.”

Cersei inwardly seethed. Of course the vintage was rather dreadful, she’d told that tart Tysha Crofter she didn’t want anything younger than her, but STILL!

“Assuming you’re still drinking,” Cassana Baratheon arched an eyebrow and their audience tittered.

“Still drinking,” Cersei assured her, and mentally apologized to the biscuit. “Although in my experience, it’s rather hard to keep up with the Baratheons on that score.”

“Robert does love his vices,” Cassana replied, giving her arm a little squeeze just to be clear which vices she was referring to.

They had gotten to the bar. As Cassana hailed the bartender, Varys hurried over, beads of sweat dotting his bald head.

“Moonboy has backed out,” he hissed in an undertone.

“What?!” Cersei reeled.

“He said his agent got him a gig last minute at the National Theater doing stand up! He’ll be the first stand up comedian in history to perform at the National Theater!”

“Last minute? They book their performers years in advance! And it’s all wrong... they do ballet and musicals and.. what am I missing?!”

“What you’re missing,” Cassana handed Cersei a glass of Merlot. “Is that I’m on the board of the National Theater. Drink up sweetie, you look so pale. I didn’t want to say this in front of everybody, but I’m not sure red is your color. I think you would have been better off in a nice forest green.”

Cersei drained her glass in one go.

“Why I’m rather surprised that Robert can keep up with YOU!” Cassana smiled.

Cersei wiped a droplet of wine from her lip and glared. 

How was she supposed to make front page of the tabloids if she didn’t have a blow out fight? She knew all the classier outlets would carry her party anyway, but for the Daily Raven and Yes! she needed some whiff of scandal that the other papers and magazines would be too refined to mention.

First things first. Steffon and Tywin was a disaster in the making. She went to the treehouse, which was always where Robert and Stannis had retreated when they were grubby little boys who couldn’t handle a girl beating them at laser tag. Saying it was unfair that she had swapped out her and Jaime’s guns for pellet guns. Please. 

Sure enough there they were, along with Renly (unsurprising) and Melisandre (a bit surprising). Maybe Melisandre hadn’t been lying when she said how much she enjoyed helping with the wedding? That one was hard to read. Probably she was just sad that her relationship with Stannis wasn’t as advanced as Cersei’s with Robert’s. Yes that must be it. She was hoping Stannis would propose soon, and had a touch of wistful envy when surrounded by the majesty of Cersei’s wedding. Cersei benevolently decided to give Stannis a kick in the pants by tossing her bouquet to Melisandre. If nothing else, it would spark a conversation.

That problem dispatched, Cersei hurried back to the lawn. Marillion was supposed to serenade Cersei on the steps, just a teaser of his concert before the fireworks (gods she still needed to do something about that helicopter). She artfully arranged herself next to the flowers, waiting for the spotlights that would train on her and the singer at his piano, composing her features into demure delight.

On cue, the spotlights flickered on. Well, not exactly. One spotlight flickered on.

Cassana Baratheon, dramatically illuminated as she sat at the piano.

There was a ripple of applause through the audience and she smiled. 

“As some of you know,” her voice, technologically amplified, echoed mellifluously across the grounds. How the fuck had she gotten mic’ed?! Cersei, alone and abandoned on the steps, clenched her fists.

“As some of you know, I am a classically trained pianist and opera singer. It was actually at my debut as the lead singer in Florian and Jonquil that I met Steffon and he swept me off my feet. The rest, as they say, is history.”

There was again a murmur of appreciation from the assembled guests. Cersei’s expression of demure delight slipped into a scowl. Had she known that? It certainly explained a great deal about Renly. And she supposed that on the few occasions that Robert had broken into drunken karaoke with the car radio, she remembered thinking that he had a remarkably good voice. And now that she was really thinking about it, all of the Baratheons, even Stannis, were quite good dancers. Still, lead singer, big whoop. 

“In honor of my son’s engagement and his beautiful bride,” Was that a hint of sarcasm? SHE WASN’T PLUMP! “I’d like to dedicate this song to them.”

Cassana sat down to the piano and began a beautiful haunting melody.

“High in the halls of the kings who are gone...”

Cersei, utterly forgotten, decided to refill her glass of wine. Even if she had no intention of drinking it, it would subtly reinforce the idea that she had been drinking, ergo was not pregnant. 

At the bar, she googled Cassana Baratheon. Just a bunch of the usual philanthropy garbage. Breaking ground on an orphanage? Really? So nineteenth century. She tried to remember Cassana’s maiden name. Estermont, wasn’t it?

Cassana Estermont had been the youngest prima donna in Westerosi history. Her debut, in The Wildling, had broken attendance records for the King’s Landing opera house, rave reviews, world tours, the usual nonsense. Cersei ground her teeth and shoved her phone back in her pocket.

Trying to put as much distance between herself and that... witch as possible, Cersei began to push through the crowd. She was only stopped briefly by Brienne (poor dear looking quite out of her element) and then she was alone, staring that thrice-damned helicopter.

“I thought she sounded rather flat, didn’t you?” Renly sniffed, coming to join her.

“We have to make allowances for singers who are past their prime,” Cersei said haughtily. Renly gave an uncharitable snort.

“I’ve handled Tywin. I suspect Robert’s coming over now to tell you dad has been dealt with.”

“Well it’s a start. Meet me back here in half an hour, I’ll corral Tyrion and we’ll discuss the next phase of the plan.”

“All these potential agents, and of course Mother steals the spotlight! LITERALLY! I saw her having the staff move the equipment!”

Renly stomped off, only to be replaced by Petyr, swallowing nervously.

“Should I even ask what happened to Marillion?” Cersei said dully.

“Gig at King’s Landing Observatory.”

“And Cassana Baratheon is on the board?”

“Chairwoman.”

Cersei nodded absently. Robert had finally arrived and wrapped her into a hug from behind. Petyr took the opportunity to run, the little weasel. Naturally Robert had one thing on the brain. 

“Relax? RELAX?!” Cersei hissed. “Robert, Petyr just told me that your mother poached Marillion to keep him from upstaging HER at MY party! She’s already cancelled Moonboy, and if we don’t get press today, it’s over! This is our last best chance to get Vogue! And Cassana Baratheon is RUINING EVERYTHING!!!”

She paused for a breath. Robert only gave her a pleasantly puzzled smile which meant he’d heard one word in ten. Cersei sighed and pecked him on the cheek. It was a good thing he was pretty.

Having dispatched him to find a way to move that gods damned chopper, Cersei started to leave only to bump into her brother. The brother not in love with a whore.

She assured Jaime she would take care of THAT problem, as she half dragged him into the house. She had very little time here to give Jaime their mother’s ring, but she also could hardly pass up an opportunity like this one. Of course Jaime had to go and get all maudlin on her. It was just the cut of the ring would really look much nicer on Brienne than it would on Cersei. And Cersei had wanted to design her own ring anyway. And yes she knew in every bone of her body that Joanna Lannister would have ADORED Brienne. She didn’t see why Jaime had to make such a big deal of everything and drag Robert into it.

The moment he left, she hurried back toward the wine cellar, positive that would be where the brother who WAS in love with a whore was lurking. Sure enough, she caught him mooning over a text from that sommelier slut. 

“Tyrion, we have to stop father from killing Steffon Baratheon. Can you help?”

The little monster immediately closed his phone and got up to follow her, and Cersei felt a surge of affection for him. A surge of affection that was strongly tied to an all-consuming rage for anyone who might toy with his heart.

“We’re going to meet with Renly and I’ll explain the plain,” she said curtly.

“How’s everything else going?”

“A complete disaster. It’s just too vexing for words! I can’t believe none of the staff here can fly a helicopter! I would have thought that at least Westerling...” Cersei pursed her lips. Westerling had been distraught not to be able to assist, but she really had to put her foot down when he’d proposed dedicating the next two hours to learning how to fly through YouTube videos. Good help was just too hard to find to risk losing the man.

“Just accept that you’re going to have to ask Steffon to repark his vehicle. Maybe you can make an announcement. ‘Will the owner of the corporate helicopter obnoxiously parked on the lawn please move their vehicle?’” Tyrion snickered, mismatched green eyes lighting up in good humor.

“Everything’s a joke with you!” Cersei scolded. Didn’t he understand this was life and death? Vogue hung in the balance! “Look, can I at least borrow your phone?”

“Fine, here,” Tyrion handed it to her. It was a simple matter to open his thread with Tysha, give her strict instructions for a naked rendez-vous, then delete the brief convo and hand the phone back to Tyrion with him none the wiser.

When they emerged back on the lawn, she immediately saw that the helicopter had been moved, thank the gods. Occasionally Robert did surprise her. She gave Tyrion his marching orders, Renly his marching orders, Robert some marching orders for good measure. And then Westerling rang the bells for dinner.

She eyed the crowd moving toward the courtyard broodingly. Everybody seemed to be having a grand time. But Vogue didn’t cover weddings because people were happy and their guests had a grand time. She needed an edge. What was her edge?

Cersei noted with some horror that the Tyrells were moving to the table directly next to their own. She had specifically put Olenna Tyrell as far as humanly possible from their entire family. Brienne had even double checked! And Ned was going toward the Tully family table... she had promised Robert he and Cat would sit with the Starks! What was this... this... chaos?!

“I moved a few of the placecards around a bit, I hope you don’t mind,” Cassana Baratheon placed her hand on Cersei’s shoulder. “I know how... irrationally territorial some people can get about these things...”

Cersei eyed the hand on her person and contemplated what it would look like taxidermied and hung over her mantelpiece.

“Of course I don’t mind,” she smiled sweetly. “In fact,” she plucked the hand off her shoulder, and held it in both of her own. “I had something very important I wanted to ask you.”

Cassana looked nonplussed, but the crowd she’d gathered around her as witnesses to ask whether Cersei would be a territorial bitch about the placecards hadn’t gone anywhere.

“Anything darling. We’re family now,” she said and touched her hair to make sure it fell just right for the camera snap.

“I was wondering,” Cersei bit her lip. “Oh I couldn’t. It’s too much to ask.”

Cassana and her high society minions all looked intrigued.

“Would you... would you consider coming out of retirement to sing at my wedding?”

Cassana hesitated for a second, suspicion clouding her features. Cersei could almost see the gears turning behind her tastefully Botoxed and dermabrased mask of a face. The lure of more attention, all eyes on her, the chance to play the gracious mother of the groom, the accolades...

“I would be delighted,” Cassana squeezed her hands. And Cersei was willing to bet those were the first sincere words to pass her lips all night.

“Oh Cersei, where is your engagement ring?” Cassana suddenly asked. Cersei blinked at her bare finger.

“Don’t tell me there’s trouble in paradise already!” Cassana tittered.

“Of course not,” Cersei said smoothly. “Just a sizing issue.”

“It’s so hard for women with fat fingers, nothing fits,” Cassana patted her. 

Cersei would have been infuriated if she weren’t busy wondering when in the seven hells she was going to be able to look for her ring on top of dealing with Tysha and meeting with Varys. It must have slipped off in the grass somewhere. Somebody would find it, surely? She would get Westerling on the job first thing tomorrow otherwise. He would be out there with a fine-toothed comb if necessary.

She sat down at the head table still reeling over the latest wrinkle.

Her father and her numerous aunts and uncles and cousins were all present, as was Tyrion. Jaime and Brienne were conspicuously absent.

“Poor girl has probably given him the heave-ho after his disgraceful performance tonight,” Aunt Genna stabbed her filet viciously. “I would castrate any man that did that to me,” she continued, this directed at poor scrawny Uncle Emmon who fairly shivered in his seat.

“Quite right dear,” he said immediately. Cersei was rather fond of her Aunt Genna.

“Where is Tyrek?” Uncle Tygett frowned and looked around. Tyrion sputtered and choked on his wine. Cersei scanned the cousins indifferently. Was that pimply one not Tyrek?

“I’m rather impressed that we’re halfway through his daughter’s engagement party and old Tywin hasn’t smiled once,” Olenna Tyrell’s light laugh floated over from the next table. Her father’s eyes narrowed, and Cersei kicked Tyrion. Best to move up the timetable.

“Father,” Tyrion began hesitantly. Tywin was still glaring at Olenna Tyrell. “Tywin!”

That got his attention.

“Steffon Baratheon was hoping to have a drink with you in the library between courses,” Tyrion said brightly. “I told him you’d meet him there.”

“Really Tyrion, I wish you’d consult me before volunteering my time,” Tywin said, nostrils flaring. “I am the host of this event, I can’t just disappear.”

“Don’t worry father, I have it under control,” Cersei patted his hand. He withdrew the hand and fixed her with a glare as well.

“Well off you go,” she said.

There was a lengthy cold stare. 

“I will return shortly,” Tywin addressed the table. Amidst the hubbub of typical family feuding, Cersei and Tyrion were probably the only ones who heard him.

Cersei looked over to Renly and gave him a meaningful nod. Then she politely excused herself to take a quick look through the grass for her engagement ring.

There was the merest whisper of a rustle and Varys materialized. 

“You texted?” He said smoothly.

“I want you to leak to the appropriate publications that world renowned opera singer Cassana Estermont is coming out of retirement to give a private performance at my wedding,” Cersei instructed curtly, continuing to walk with head bent, scrutinizing the grass. “And tell Petyr to have his camera ready. She’s put Ned at Hoster’s table and he’ll have a front row seat to the show.”

“Of course,” Varys nodded and faded back into the shadows.

Cersei noticed a significant chunk of the trellises had collapsed on the East Wing, and a small army of staff were working to clear the debris. That would be coming out of the Garth Greenhands invoice, she noted to herself. She checked the time. The ring would have to wait.

Exactly three minutes after she had instructed Tysha to meet Tyrion in the cellar, she strolled by and scooped up the girl’s clothing. Including a lacy red thong that had been left hanging on the door handle. Skank.

She shoved her loot into some old chest nobody would ever think to look in and flagged a waiter to initiate the hunt. Then she made it back outside to see Ned Stark landing a tremendous right hook into Hoster Tully’s snarling face, punctuated by a camera burst. Nobody but Lysa noticed Petyr politely excusing himself to touch up the images before he sent them to the Daily Raven.

She allocated Petyr twenty minutes to edit, the Daily Raven thirty minutes to process and post, the world another ten to take the story and run with it.

She sat back down at her table, which had gone rather quiet.

“I heard Stannis Baratheon say that his company is going to beat projected earnings for the third quarter in row,” Cersei mentioned off-handedly to Tyrion.

“Emmon, call our broker,” Genna said.

“Where the hell is my phone,” Gerion patted his pockets.

“I keep telling Tywin we need to expand into shipping,” Kevan announced to the table.

“Mining has been good enough for our family for seven generations!” Tygett pointed at him with his fork, spattering Kevan’s wife Dorna with salad dressing.

“I’d thank you to watch your tone with me!”

“This is silk!” Dorna wailed.

“Blended silk at best,” Darlessa, Tygett’s wife sniffed.

Willem and Martyn seized the chaos to attempt second helpings of dessert, but promptly got into an argument over who could claim the largest eclair.

Cersei sat back and smiled as the volume in the courtyard returned to a dim roar.

Exactly one hour and five minutes after Petyr snapped his photo and thirty four minutes after the Times touted Cassana Estermont’s return, Cersei’s phone buzzed.

Dear Miss Lannister,

We have moved some features in our August edition and are wondering if you would still be interested in a collaboration with Vogue...

Cersei stopped reading and excused herself. Ned had run into the mansion, which meant Robert was doubtlessly somewhere nearby. It was a moment’s work to find him. And as she raked her hands through his shaggy black hair, felt her dress slipping like water off her shoulders, saw the way his stormy blue eyes ignited with a molten heat that she would never not love, Cersei reflected that nothing put her in the mood like winning.