#oh hello my deep and abiding love for Lan Wangji and Jack Zimmermann (🙃)

[61below]

Listen I’m still gd feral about Cang Lan Jue but I think the biggest thing is that for the majority of the show, Xiao Lanhua is disabled. Her damaged roots / the spell that disguised her both left her emotionally stunted, and I’d argue it also affected her ability to even speak. Half the time I’m railing at the screen JUST SPEAK!!

Listen, listen, I’m autistic and when I’m redlining toward a meltdown, I’ll feel like words are boulders that I have to heave out of my chest. It’s fucking gd difficult (and if I’m then forced to speak when I get like that, it only shoves me even faster into *glitchtext* Meltdown(tm)). The executive dysfunction? The emotional dysregulation? Holy shit, check and check. It’s really gd frustrating being locked inside my body and mind railing against all these feelings, internally shrieking JUST SPEAK!!!!

But in that moment? I can’t.

I really wish the show spent more time with her post-ascension, bc I can only imagine how disorienting it must have felt for her, to finally have a brain and nervous system that weren’t frequently fritzing out. Omfg.