#oh he was tweakin for a deal

[hellsrings-radio-synz-777]

Anything?

[cherryluvrx3]

meat lovers amirite??

Dave Strider x Reader x Karkat Vantas

Chapter 5

I went home with an extra pep in my step, resisting the urge to hop, skip and frolic around like a cutsie whimsical princess or something.

I shut the door to my room and kicked off my shoes, plopping into bed, stomach first with my legs kicking behind me.

I decided against texting Dave- and Karkat and John for that matter, because I didn’t wanna come off as weirdly clingy and desperate for “friendship”. Besides, they’re still working anyway. So instead, I go to text the group chat so I can report the good news.

It takes a few seconds before anyone answers but like always, Roxy is the first to respond.

Me

-!!!!

Roxy <3

- hey babe! What’s up?

Me

-You would not believe what just happened omhggg

Gamz :o)

-wazzzzzupppppp

Me

-Sooo

-I went to see Dave right

Nepetita :3

-Oooh really?? :0

Me

-Yesss

-N I got his number xP!!

Roxy <3

-omg rllyy!!

-wooo!!

Gamz :o)

- u text him yet

Me

-No ima wait a bit

-He’s still working

-also

-I got his coworkers numbers too xP

-They’re named John and Karkat

Roxy <3

-omg????

-girl you just

-3 dudes numbers!!??

Tezi >:]

-Since when did you have the sweet talking abilities for that?? >:0

Me

-I know I knowww

-Ima smoooooth opertatorrrr

-The men flock to me and bow at my feet as I walk by

Gamz :o)

-Waitttttt

-wait wait

-waittttt

Me

-what

Tezi >:]

-Wat >:?

Gamz :o)

-A guy named Karkat

-I might know that motherfucker

Nepetita :3

-a furriend of yours??

Gamz :o)

-Just a guy I met on a field trip like 2 years ago or smn

-we both got lost at the motherfuckin zoo freshman year

-like ours n his school was there at the same time n shit

-kinda just walked around tryna find like the groups we came with or whatever but I kinda gave up

-n he didn’t wanna walk around alone so he just stayed with me

-we was just chillin with the stingrays

-he was still tweakin tf out tho so I gave him a edible

Me

-Omg???

Gamz :o)

-motherfucker didn’t know it was an edible tho or else I don’t think he would’ve ate it

-we were tripping hard by the time we made it back to the buses lol

Roxy <3

-gamzzz 😭😭

-i don’t think u shld giv edibles to strangersss

Nepetita :3

-Yeah that's a little

-ermmm

-rude?

Gamz :o)

-was jus tryna help the guy

Me

-Well anyways

-I’m not like

-Actually interested in them or anything

-Just wanna be friends with them

Tezi >:]

-I thought you wanted to date pizza boy??

Me

-Oh Dave yeah

-I meant just him tho lol

Gamz :o)

-yeah for a sec I thought u were rlly tryna juggle 3 hoes at once

Roxy <3

-yeah righttt

-they can barely juggle dave alobe!!

-alone

Me

-I could totally have multiple hoes if I wanted???

Roxy <3

-yep

Gamz :o)

-mhm

Tezi >:]

-ok

Nepetita :3

-...well.. *sweats nervously*

Me

-FUCK YOU GUYSS

-WHAT EVA!!!!!

-I see you guys are just some hating ass bitches

Roxy <3

-not hating just being #real babe

Nepetita :3

-Anyways!! It’s great that you got Dave’s number!! Are you planning on texting him first or letting him come to you?

-Do you want to be the purredator or purray? :3

Me

-hmmm

-well I was thinking

-wait

-omg?

Tezi >:]

-Wat >:?

Me

-He literallyyyyy just texted me

-brb teehee

Roxy <3

-omgg? the stars r aligningg for u to hav ur momenttt

Gamz :o)

-get his ass

While John gave me his pesterchum user, Dave and Karkat gave me their regular numbers because they “weren’t fucking nerds” and so I put them into my phone’s contacts.

Pizza Dave

-hey dawg

Me

-hiiiii ? aren’t you still working? Lol

Pizza Dave

-yeah I’m still on the clock for like 2 hours but not much is going on

-there was one more call for delivery and I made Kat deal with it because I’m still recovering from that last traumatic experience

-told him I might have some serious PTSD induced panic attacks if I had to hold another pizza in my hands

Me

-Oh haha

-So are you likee

-Just chatting to pass the time?

Pizza Dave

-bingo. pretty much.

-I’d chat with John but right now he’s busy talking to like

-some other friend??

-like what the helllll

-I was the OG bestie yknow

-but now he’s over there getting all cozy with some dude he met on some online forum that’s just a cesspool for shitty movie lovers

-guess he wanted a guy who’d listen to him rave about nick cage without bitchin but I mean I was just keeping it real

-we’re literally on the clock. being on the phone while working is NOT allowed. you’d think he’d know better

… hmm..

Me

-Kinda sounds like you’re a jealous boyfriend lol

Why did I say that? Don’t know, thought it was funny and hit send before I could rethink.

He’d been typing consistently but I could see in real time his speech bubble stop.

I headed back to the group chat to update them, cutting off whatever they were talking about.

Me

-So he’s texting me rn bc he’s bored at work

Nepetita :3

-well that at least shows he’s thinking of you?

Me

-welllllll he just said he’s only talking to me bc his other friends are busy lol

-but I mean this is my chance to slide myself into his personal circle!!

I went back to me and Dave’s convo and- holy shit. While I was gone he was typing up a storm

Pizza Dave

-what

-no

-no way dude

-me and john are just buds

-that's my home dawg yknow

-like if I was jealous it would just be because of the friendship we have being threatened

-yknow what I mean

-like

-not at all like a jealous boyfriend those are like two totally different things

-besides I’m not gay

-and John isn’t either

-I think

-and if he was I still wouldn’t be gay

-cuz I think girls are really hot and have had a few crushes

-on girls

-so there’s like no way

-not that I have any problem with gay people

-and if John was gay that’d be cool and all

-I really don’t care

-cuz at the end of the day I’m not gay so that’s not an issue

-uh

Me

-OKAY I GET IT

-I was just joking bro

-You don’t gotta get all freaked out lol

Pizza Dave

-I’m not freaked out

-who’s freaking out?

-not me

-I’m chill

-chill as hell dude

-look up chill in the dictionary and you’ll see my face

Me

-Okay

-anyways

-what school do you go to?

Yeesh. I guess that boyfriend comment opened up a can of worms. I screenshotted the convo to share with the group chat.

Me

-Soooo… guys..??

Gamz :o)

-wow

Roxy <3

-Yikes he’s definitely closeted

Tezi >:]

-Totally. That’s actually kinda embarrassing

Nepetita :3

-Aww I feel kinda bad… but I mean he said he’s alright with gay people so

-it probably won’t be that long until he opens up and accepts that part of himself?

Me

-Yeah I think so too

-I don’t think he has a crush on John specifically but he’s def fruity

-even if this whole relationship thing doesn’t work out ima stick to with him to support him cuz boyyy does he need it!!

I go back to chatting with Dave and he seems to have calmed down. We both learn a bit more about each other after 15 minutes he says he has to get back to work. We said our goodbyes and I headed to take a shower so I could process all the information I learned today.

Maybe I’ll talk to him tomorrow during lunch? Even though we have different schools, apparently our bell schedules matched up and we even had lunch at the same period.

I yawn and tuck myself into bed for a few hours of scrolling on my phone.

———

a/n btw John was talking to Jake, no I'm not shipping them

Also Dave is closeted and in denial.

I see both him and Karkat as bisexual but since this fic is supposed to be gender-neutral I don't think I'll go into too much detail on how that could affect his relationship with reader bc it's different depending on who you are. I might end up making reader bisexual too but idk bc I don't want readers who aren't bi to be 'forced' into it. I mean all I know for sure about you guys reading this is that you're attracted to men (or just reading this bc you're bored lol)

Also Karkat is also a bit closeted but he's very much aware of who he is, he's mainly closeted because he knows Dave is iffy around his own sexuality and is worried Dave will see him different if he comes out to him.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

Over nine minutes of material here as Joe Iconis and Will Roland alternately provide explanatory introductions for “More Than Survive,” “I Love Play Rehearsal,” “Two-Player Game,” “A Guy That I’d Kinda Be Into,” “Loser Geek Whatever,” “Halloween,” “Michael in the Bathroom,” “The Smartphone Hour (Rich Set A Fire),” “The Pants Song,” and “Voices in My Head.”

Transcriptions!!

Hey, I'm Will Roland from Be More Chill, and this next track, "More Than Survive," is from Be More Chill's original Broadway cast recording; it is our opening number where we follow our leading man, Jeremy Heere, as he travels throughout an average day at school. In it, we get to watch Jeremy get tortured by everyone around him, and also tortured by himself, and the voices in his head, and it really rocks! It's a lot of fun to do every night, and I hope that you have fun listening to it.

—

Hi, this is Joe Iconis, writer of Be More Chill, the musical, and this song is "I Love Play Rehearsal." Which is the first song that our leading lady, Christine Canigula, sings, and the song just sort of encapsulates her feelings on theatre, and on life—y'know, she's a character who's really excited about theatre at this moment in her life, and all she wants to do is express that excitement to anyone who will listen. And so, this is the song that sort of encapsulates her as a human being. And, uh, the performance by Stephanie Hsu is pretty spectacular. It won several awards in my amateur theatre awards that I hold, uh, every month in my own apartment. So, "I Love Play Rehearsal."

—

Hey, everybody, I'm Will Roland from Be More Chill—"Two-Player Game" is the buddy-cop fun friendship song on our show; features myself and George Salazar as Jeremy and Michael, these are two guys who are supremely uncool and—and supremely uninteresting, but the thing that they have is each other, and their friendship, and this is a song wherein we find them, uh, playing video games, and, uh, discussing life together. On the surface you might think, "Oh, this song is about video games," but this song is actually...about friendship.

—

Hi, this is Joe Iconis, writer of Be More Chill, the Broadway musical, and this is "A Guy That I'd Kinda Be Into," sung by Stephanie Hsu and our incredible Be More Chill cast, and this song—it's a song that happens, uh, sorta towards the end of Act 1, and, uh, our leading lady, Christine Canigula, says that she has something that she needs to tell our leading man, Jeremy. And we think that this is going to be the sort of classic musical theatre love song, but what she, uh, lays on him is not quite that? Take particular note of the really, really cool orchestration done by Charlie Rosen; uh, this song is a song that could feel like a sort of very generic pop-rock tune, but it has so much character, uh, the instrument choice is so specific, there's such an undercurrent of technology in this song, even though it's kind of a bop.

—

Hi, everybody, I'm Will Roland! From Be More Chill. Uh, this next track, "Loser Geek Whatever," is from Be More Chill, the Broadway musical; it takes place at the end of Act 1, and, uh, in this moment we find our leading man, Jeremy Heere—he is alone onstage, and he has just been told by his SQUIP—uh, played by Jason Tam—the SQUIP, which is a supercomputer which is implanted in his brain and instructing him how to be more chill—the SQUIP has told him that in order to make this transformation and become the cool guy that he wants to be, he has to get rid of his best friend, Michael Mell, and leave his old life behind and become this person that, uh, that he thinks he's always wanted to become. My friend, Joe Iconis, often describes it as the—the "anti-Defying Gravity," because instead of singing about becoming yourself, he's singing about becoming someone who is not himself. This is: "Loser Geek Whatever!"

—

This is Joe Iconis, the writer of Be More Chill, the great big Broadway musical, and this song is called "Halloween." "Halloween" is our great big opener of Act 2;  it takes place, unsurprisingly, at a Halloween party—the sort of ultimate suburban high school Halloween house party. There's debauchery, there's people dressed as killer clowns, it's sort of everything that you want and dread from a high school party. This song is notable because, uh, one of the main inspirations for the score of Be More Chill is the John Carpenter film, Halloween, and, uh, this song, uh, just completely stopped trying to reference it, and, in fact, it just stole its title! So here is..."Halloween," from Be More Chill.

—

Hi, this is Joe Iconis, writer of Be More Chill! The Broadway musical. This song is called "Michael in the Bathroom," it is a song that's—has been a lot of people's, uh, sort of gateway drug into the world of Be More Chill. The song takes place in Act 2, and, uh, the character of Michael Mell, who is the second banana character in our show, he's sort of the sidekick to the leading man, uh, Jeremy—Michael, uh, has been ignored by Jeremy up to this point in the show, uh, formerly his best friend—they have this big fight in the bathroom, Jeremy leaves his best friend alone in the bathroom, uh, and Michael, uh, depressed, and with this raging Halloween house party going on outside the door, sings this song, and the—the performance by George Salazar is one of the things that kinda catapulted Be More Chill from being this, y'know, sort of, uh, musical oddity that lived in the—the nether regions of social media, uh, to being, uh, a musical in New York City! Um, it's just one of my favorite performances of a song that I've ever heard, let alone one that I've written, check it out! George Salazar, singing: "Michael in the Bathroom" from: Be More Chill.

—

Hey, everybody! I'm Will Roland, from Be More Chill. This next track, "The Smartphone Hour," in parenthesis: "Rich Set A Fire," is a song that takes place in the second act of Be More Chill—it is this massive, uh, maximalist technicolor extravaganza. What happens is there's a big Halloween party, and then at the end of the party, uh, we see this one kid, Rich, um, sort of really—really, like, uh, tweakin' out crazy, and we're like, "Oh, is he okay?" And we find out, uh, in the first chorus of this song that Rich has, in fact, uh, committed a heinous act. And throughout we get to see all of the kids at school disseminate this information and—and share it amongst themselves, and it's really about, y'know, the way in which news and gossip can spread in the 21st century, and it's very much our homage to, uh, "The Telephone Hour" from Bye Bye Birdie mashed up with some 21st-century lunacy. As the song really ramps up, it becomes this sort of, like, pep-rally cheerleader situation, so imagine human pyramids, and people flying through the air, and—and air-raid sirens, and, uh, just the most insane experience you could ever picture in a theater. Transport yourself there, and it will really, uh, enhance your experience with "The Smartphone Hour."

—

Hey, everybody! I'm Will Roland, from Be More Chill. This next song, "The Pants Song," is, uh, sung in the second act of our show by the wonderful Jason SweetTooth Williams and George Salazar. It begins with Jeremy's dad, played by Jason; they've just had a big fight, and Jeremy's dad has realized that his son, Jeremy, who I play in the show, has really sort of gone off the rails—he's become this—this unrecognizable young man, and he realizes that he has been derelict in his duty as a father. And so, he decides, in one of my favorite lyrics of the 21st century, that "if you love somebody, you put your pants on." Because at this point in the show, he has literally not worn pants. At all. For the entirety of the play. And so this is a big moment where he decides to make a change, and he goes and enlists the help of Jeremy's best friend, Michael, and they decide that they are going to save their buddy. Here it is, from Be More Chill: "The Pants Song."

—

Hey, everybody, this is Joe Iconis, writer of Be More Chill, the Broadway musical. This song is called "Voices in My Head," this is our finale of our show, and it is sung by the leading man to end all leading men, mister Will Roland, one of my absolute favorite actors of all time, and I—I can't believe that I've been lucky enough to work with him on Be More Chill, and that I get to hear him sing the finale of my musical. It is the first song that I wrote after the death of the fella who wrote the original novel, Be More Chill, Ned Vizzini, and, um, y'know, Be More Chill is a show that's pretty wild and wacky and crazy and it's kinda easy to look at it and—and say, "Aw, this is this sorta goofy show about, y'know, technology and computers and high school kids," but it really is about something deeper, y'know—it's about how we struggle with anxiety and depression and how we deal with that, and "Voices in My Head" is the song that kind of most explicitly deals with that, right? It most explicitly talks about how, y'know, we all have issues, right? We all have voices in our head telling us what to do, uh, and the—the trick is to not make them go away, it's just to know which ones to listen to. So here is our celebratory finale, "Voices in My Head" from Be More Chill.

[sariel2]

Olive The Warrior PT 2

Now obviously six year-olds in this world were more advanced than 6 year-olds in our world, but their brains were still only as developed as the ones here. Their world was also very similar to ours, almost exactly the same. Olive, being a six year-old, ran on instinct, and now his instincts were screaming revenge. They killed his father, and made him kill his own mother. He lost all sight of reason and fell to a vengeful bloodlust. They were watching all of this, and were anticipating what he was going to do. He left the house, knife in hand, and headed toward an area known to have dealings with Them. He was going to get some answers at all costs. When he arrived in Al Dego village They were already waiting. As he approached the town square a man dressed in a suit and tie stepped forward and smiled. “So Olive, you have come to avenge your parents, but wouldn’t you prefer answers?” the man said as he walked toward the center of the open space between Olive and Them. “Oh, I can give you answers, like… why we killed your parents. Or, perhaps, you’d like to know how you can save your own life.” “This grudge has gone on far too long Alxonad, and you crossed the line with this, and you will pay for it.” Olive said as he moved closer. Alxonad began walking in a circular motion to his right, as he did so, he motioned for Them to step back and not interfere. “But first, why did you kill them?” Olive said as he too began moving to his right, his grip on the knife tightening. “Because, you were an expense we could afford to get rid of, you can’t be trusted. We had hoped you’d have taken our warning and disappeared. Yet here we are, you’re a fool Olive, you can never kill me, you’re only six.” Alxonad lunged at Olive, pulling a sword out of nowhere and swinging it as he flew over Olive who had ducked underneath him. As Alxonad flew over him, Olive thrust his knife upward, and caught Alxonad in the abdomen, and used the knife to pull him to the ground and landed on top of him, pulling the knife down the entire length of Alxonad’s abdomen. “No, you are a fool for awakening and invoking the rage of a god,” Olive said as he stared unblinkingly into Alxonad’s eyes. “I would have left you alone and never bothered you again, but you went and did something stupid like this. I have no pity or mercy for you, and you will feel every single bit of pain that they felt,” he said as Alxonad began to scream, he could see something inside of Olives eyes, and it was the most terrifying thing he had ever seen. The being came from Olive’s eyes and enveloped Alxonad’s entire body, it slowly feasted on his life-force, causing untold amounts of endless pain. As the demon slowly wound down Alxonad’s life to only a few years Olive had to leave the room as the demon finished it because the screams were too much for him to take. They knew that there was nothing they could do to help their leader, and so they chased after Olive. As he ran Olive knew that they’d be following him, so he kept turning down new passage ways every few minutes so as to make it harder for them to find him. As he rounded a corner he came to a stop as fast as he could, They were all standing there. He was about to turn and run back the way he came when he noticed that several of them appeared to be owing to him, he stopped and look. No, they were all bowing to him. Obviously confused by this strange turn of events, Olive began once more to turn and run, but something else caught his attention this time. “Please don’t leave us sir,” said the man closest to him. “Sir???” Olive said questioningly. “You killed our leader, anytime you kill one of us, you assume that person’s role in the community… since you killed our leader, you assume his role, thus YOU are our new leader.” the man stated. Olive was taken aback, could it be a trick, they’re trying to lull hum into a false sense of security, or are they telling the truth? Olive couldn’t decided, so he thought that he’d pretend to believe them for a little while, and then if anything happens, he’ll leave. So Olive followed them back to the Throne Room, and They watched as he took a seat on the thone which Alxonad once sat just earlier that day. Everyone bowed to him. “Bring me the sacred texts.” Olive demanded as his first order to his people, they did so with great haste. He began flipping through all the pages in all the books, after several hours finally finding what he was looking for. He stood up raised his arms, then brought them down in a strange but oddly beautiful manner. He repeated this several times then recited a strange but equally beautiful chant. Then stopped and just stood there, after a few moments, his head dropped and he climbed back to the throne, appearing to be highly depressed. Just then, right where he had been standing, the ground was waving, looking almost like water as it did so. Then two figures began to form right above the ground. One was a woman, the other a man. The others were shocked. No spell cast from the sacred texts has ever really worked, the most they had ever gotten out of them was a spark and some noises. Olive laughed at their stupidity. Then flipped to another page in the book he currently held. Suddenly the whole building began to shake. Demons began flying in from everywhere, each one attaching itself to one of Them, as they all began to fall victim to the same fate as their old leader. Olive grabbed his parents and ran. When they made it back to their house, all the blood and everything was gone. They were all happy that they were together once again, and now that They had been all destroyed there was no reason to fear anything anymore. They rejoiced in how the day turned from the worst that any of them had ever known, into the most wonderful. “Olive! get back to work and stop daydreaming!” his teacher yelled at him. He smiled at another completed adventure and enjoyed it so much that he decided they’d get only more evil from now on, as he went back to coloring the picture that his teacher had handed out as an “assignment” (obviously she was just tweakin’ and just didn’t want to grade papers cause she had a principal to go seduce at lunchtime (he was going to fire her if she didn’t cause she failed a drug test)) THE END!!! Or is it?