#oh god…trudy…my heart…

[annie-in-the-real-world]

Just listened to peachyville ep 4…holy shit…

I’ve been thinking about Francis. Yeah i know that weirdo did some freaky stuff in this ep, but what i wanna walk about is when Kelsey’s talking poorly about herself, saying she’s a vagabond (I actually don’t remember the exact wording, forgive me), and Francis is like “no you’re not Kelsey! Don’t talk about my friend like that!” (Which my friend has said that to me when I talk shit about myself)

Like…maybe I’m projecting, but he is so protective of his friends, and making sure…I dunno, they’re kind to themselves? Like he’s been bullied his whole life, and maybe he hates it when people (esp his friends) bully themselves? Cuz truly we’re all our biggest critics, bullies, etc, and he doesn’t want his friends to be mean to themselves, to feel the way he’s been feeling?

Then i thought about my Older Brother Francis headcanon with BB. Maybe, for a time, she was doubting herself on her detective skills, having a hard time in middle school (cuz even someone with a lot of pluck will have a hard time in middle school). A rough case, something. and Francis said, “BB you’re a great detective! don’t talk about my friend like that!”

Maybe BB doesn’t consider the soda jerk guy her friend, merely her assistant? But after he says that, she might reconsider, ask for his help more, or even tip him (or something i dont know anything about 50s tipping culture, or really anything about the 50s).

Even though he might be scared of this 12 year old, he still doesn’t want someone to be cruel, especially to themselves. So he fixes her usual order, and they work it out together.

Francis cares so much about his friends.

[collecting-stories]

King of my Heart - Jay Halstead

Request: Hi! Can i request King Of My Heart with Jay Halstead?❤️ 

A/N: I just really like the idea of Jay with like a firefighter s/o. I think I've written like two other fics with him and a firefighter s/o, pretend they're all interconnected lol.

TS Anthology Series | One Chicago Masterlist

...is this the end of all the endings?...

Dating with your schedule was not easy. Finding time to actually connect with people outside of work was next to impossible, especially since you’d taken on some paramedicine shifts for Sylvie on your days off from the Firehouse.

While you were trying not to rush into things or make any assumptions about whether dating was the correct term, you’d been spending a lot of time with Jay in recent weeks. You’d volunteered to help at a city garden that Trudy helped organize and he’d been there too and you’d both sort of clicked (at least that’s how you described it to Stella later on because you were too hesitant to admit that Jay had pretty much stuck to your side that whole day and asked you for drinks immediately after).  

“I just don’t wanna like...move too fast.” You explained, pulling your shirt over your head and fixing your hair, “like, okay...what if it’s just supposed to be like a casual thing and I make it this big thing in my head that it isn’t? Then I feel stupid and I can never show my face when he’s around.” 

“Listen, if it’s casual, he’s the one who should feel stupid. You’re a total catch,” Stella replied, always ready to be your cheerleader when you were feeling insecure about something. “You are a total badass, you’re on Squad. You don’t need some guy and he’s lucky you’re giving him the time of day.” 

“I wouldn’t go that far.” 

“I would!” Stella insisted, “you don’t need him, don’t feel like you need validation or something.” 

“I don’t. I’ll admit I’m okay single but, it is kinda nice having someone...I don’t know, want to put in the effort after a long shift. I mean, it’s not like we have easy jobs.” You replied, grabbing your duffel from the bench and slinging it over your shoulder. “I guess I just want some clarification. Are we dating? Is he thinking this could be something more serious? Is he even looking for something more serious?” 

“Are you?” She deadpanned as you both made your way out of the locker room. Most of the other third shift had left already but Stella had hung back with you while you showered, mostly to listen to you have a mini-crisis over your budding relationship with Jay.  

“I feel like I could be.” You shrugged, “that sounds stupid but like, sometimes I just look at him and think like, yeah I could do this every day of my life. That’s really fucking scary Stella...like...” 

You trailed off as you made it out onto the driveway and saw Jay’s pickup parked out front. He was standing there on the passenger side, leaning against the truck and when he saw you he smiled. Stella nudged your ribs playfully before giving you a silent wave goodbye and heading to her car.  

“Hey,” you called out as you got closer, “don’t you have work?”  

“Caught a double yesterday, just got off like an hour ago.” Jay replied, “Figured if you don’t have plans this morning you might wanna get breakfast?”  

“Oh my god yes, I’m starving,” you said, letting Jay take the bag off your shoulder and toss it in the back of his truck. “Herrmann has a new candidate and he offered to make dinner last night-” you shuddered and Jay laughed. 

“That bad?” 

“Terrible! And we ended up getting a call anyway so basically...no dinner.” 

Jay shot you a sympathetic look over middle console, “Shit baby, I’m sorry.” 

You felt yourself warm up at the sound of him calling you baby. You weren’t much for pet names but somehow hearing the word out of Jay’s mouth squashed all the worries you’d been keeping close to your chest.  

- 

“Jay!” You whispered, trying not to laugh and draw anyone’s attention, though most everyone in the house was asleep at this hour. Aside from Herrmann who had gotten stuck on night shift and was currently trying to keep his eyes open to reruns of Lets Make a Deal in the common room. He had ears like a hawk though and you knew he’d come snooping if he heard commotion. “We’re gonna get in trouble.” 

Jay smiled against your neck, placing another kiss there before responding, “I don’t work here so technically...” 

“Well don’t get me in trouble then!” You replied, unable to stop a laugh from escaping this time as you bumped into the washing machine.  

It was nearly one in the morning when Jay had shown up at the firehouse, texting you and telling you to let him in the back door. He’d just gotten off work and you still had six more hours on shift but it was officially your six month anniversary and he was surprisingly sentimental. Although you weren’t sure that making out in the laundry room like two horny teenagers was exactly sentimental.  

You didn’t get much time to consider anything at all because the siren went off, the overhead voice alerting the firehouse, “Truck 81, Engine 51, Squad 3, Ambulance 61.” 

“I have to go,” you insisted, pulling away, “Jay, I have to go.”  

“I know, I know.” He let go of you, stepping away so you could head out to the apparatus. He followed behind you, careful to stay out of the way, stopping at the Squad table. 

“I knew I heard something!” Herrmann laughed, walking through the double doors with Ritter, “Sneaking around the firehouse like a couple a kids!”  

You did your best to ignore Herrmann as you geared up, stealing one more kiss from Jay, “I’ll see you after shift?” 

“Yeah, I’ll pick you up.” 

“Get in the rig lovebird!” Tony called out the window and you rolled your eyes before climbing up into the back with him and Capp.  

You couldn’t resist a last glance out the window as you pulled out into the street, Jay standing there with his hands in his pockets, watching you and grinning. By the time you got to the fire, you’d be clear headed and ready to work but until then, you’d let yourself be a little lovestruck.  

[power-chords]

Some Miami Vice Thots*:

Big Screen, I Notice More Stuff: That club is called MANSION. Linkin Park (from Agoura Hills, or what seems to me to be the Westchester, NY of the San Fernando Valley — Californians please correct me if I'm wrong), mashed up with Jay-Z (a Black billionaire from the mean streets of Bed-Stuy, the New New Gatsby/Big Joe Turner). Relevant to bullet point immediately below.

According to Michael Mann Miami in the mid-aughts is Age of Discovery (Digital Edition) meets Crime Family Feudalism in recursive recurrence, multiple timelines and identities inhabiting the same geographic vectors (everyone is always forever in motion). The very first interaction Sonny has with someone who is not a team member is a bartender who says she is from Lisboa, to which Sonny replies, "But you got your tan in Miami." This is what I read: She's the "reformed" Portuguese equivalent of the character in this Butch Walker song. She came from money, she lost it perhaps, but she's been since... repossessed? There's a more sinister interpretation under the surface, since she is under the roof of a powerful (and possibly related) employer whose business operations require unwavering loyalty + utmost discretion in exchange for protection (which in this case is also exploitation). Tan, in other words, as a form of Midas touch. Sacrifice to a sun(/SON!!!) god (or is Sonny more of a defecting Samson figure, speaking to an inert "Neon" Delilah who will only feign at seduction/betrayal, moving through the moves?). So already these two characters are speaking in code to each other, which is an amazing storytelling device on Mann's behalf, and you can shake so much out of that.

Derived from the above: "My Mommy and Daddy know me," hilarious line btw, becomes double-doublespeak, quadruple-speak! Not only is he pretending to tell the truth under a fabricated fundamental, the statement itself is yet another subtextual lie. His parents don't really know him, they just thought they did, which is why he's run off to become what he's become. Rico is the partner who acts out of duty first, love secondarily; Sonny is the Byronic inverse. Diaspora southern gothic. I like to think this is the mythic re-interpretation/inspiration Mann wishes a certain American population would draw from, in lieu of... current political/pop cultural figureheads.

Gina tenderly comforting the injured Zito... this shot is seconds long and yet captures my heart every time! Where is the backstory fic for these two!

Once again, the Rico/Trudy sex scene is a definite contender for the most affectionate, respectful, and sensual one in Hollywood history

Oh, Isabella. My girl Isabella. I overheard someone in the lobby call this film "such a guy movie." I don't know what drugs these people are on. Especially when counterpart to the hypermasculine satirical camp is the sensitivity and sympathy with which Mann portrays the situation of women, how we are exploited either way/anyway, deprived of romantic trust/human partnership by being put at risk by men and also by them denied the agency of taking risks for ourselves. There's both heartbreak and hypocrisy in how she attacks Sonny at the end, screaming "Who are you!" (The audience's heartbreak is: We have an instinctive uneasy sense of the systems that force her, and the rest of us, to live as hypocrites. Who are any of us, anymore, really!)

I was like MICHAEL DO THE GARMENTO CRIME DRAMA W/ ME and he was like "I made Miami Vice already, dummy! Pay attention!" Me: "OK!!!" [Pays a visit to Auerbach's Keller in Grand Central Terminal and then stays up until 5 AM playtesting West Village: Walpurgisnacht/watching the Chicago & Miami Postmodern Pseudepigrapha about Non-Recourse Factoring]

The "color coding" in this film is bonkers. More on that eventually, I'm still chewing on it.

The duality of Man(n)ager: the tragic pathos imbued to Alonzo vs. the vaudevillian coercion of Nicholas. "Why is this happening to me?!" cracks me the fuck up. This most powerful, literally biblical quandary of them all, the whole of Mann's filmography boiled down to its most singular and direct (I.E., truthful) expression, in the form of a persecuted exclamation, and it's played for laughs. Because what can you do except laugh! It's Job(/lowercase job) as circus performance, as a cabaret act. Job's poetry parodied into factional slogans and Shandyan-American dick jokes. I can't believe people think this is a stupid movie, it's pretending to be stupid!!!

*The appropriate spelling for this film in particular

[sunnyhoneyshimmermagic]

(Dee Dee and Teddy are at town square, selling apples and introducing our story):

Dee Dee: Get 'em while they're fresh! Apples! Christmas apples!

Teddy: We got Mclntosh!

Dee Dee: Get your Christmas apples.

Teddy: Red Delicious. Tuppence apiece while they last. Whatever the fuck that means.

Dee Dee: We... They won't last long the way you're eating them.

Teddy: Hey. I'm creatin' scarcity. Drives the prices up. Read all about it in Ladie's Home Journal

Dee Dee (sighs): Teddy... (sees us) Hello! Welcome to The Big Nate Christmas Carol! I am here to tell the story, in my usual dramatic fashion!

Teddy: And I am here for the food and bantz! This Christmas, I wanna be written with an actual character!

Dee Dee: My name is Charles Dickens.

Teddy: And my name is Teddy Ortiz! Hey, wait a second. You're not Charles Dickens!

Dee Dee: I am too!

Teddy: No. Dickens was called that for a reason!

Dee Dee: omg it's 2023

Teddy: your name isn't even Charles!

Dee Dee: good, cringe name

Teddy: Dickens was a 19th-century novelist! A genius! God I hang around Francis too much.

Dee Dee: Oh, you're too kind. :3

Teddy: Why should I believe you?

Dee Dee: Well... Because I know the story of "A Christmas Carol" like the back of my hand.

Teddy: do I smell a wager?

Dee Dee: I hope, otherwise I didn't brush my teeth well.

Teddy: ugh, just prove it! Prove you know it!

Dee Dee: All right. Um, there's a little mole on my thumb, from when I tried to taste the wood on my stage, and, uh, a scar on my wrist, from when I fell off my bicycle performing as Lance Armstrong: licence to juice.

Teddy: No, No, No, No, Don't tell us your hand. Tell us the story!!

Dee Dee: Oh! Oh!

Teddy: Thank you. Yes.

Dee Dee (ahem): The Betancourts were dead to begin with.

Teddy: Wha, Wha... Pardon me?

Dee Dee: That's how the story begins, Teddy. The Betancourts were dead to begin with. As dead as a doornail.

Teddy (getting into it): ooh! It's a good beginning! It's creepy and kind of spooky. Like Mrs. Godfrey in a conga line.

Dee Dee: Thank you, Teddy!

Teddy: You're welcome, Mrs. Dickens!

Dee Dee: now, where was I? Ah, yes. In life, the Betancourts had been business partners... With a shrewd moneylender named Gina Hemphil-Scrooge. You will meet her as she comes around that corner.

Teddy: Where?

Dee Dee: There. See, next to the klassic komix and Mr. Pretzel?

Teddy: Uh huh! When?

Dee Dee: Not yet... Not yet... Let the tension rise...

Teddy: I am, I am!

Dee Dee: ...Now!

(Gina enters, draped in a black coat and top hat, carrying a cane. Every step calculated and cold)

Dee Dee: There she is! Ms. Gina Hemphil-Scrooge.

Teddy: Say, Is it gettin' colder out here?

(Song)

Emmit the custodian: When a cold wind blows it chills you

Chills you to the bone

Czerwicki: But there's nothing in nature that

Freezes your heart

Like years of being alone

Rosa: It paints you with indifference

Like a lady paints with rouge

Clarke: And the worst of the worst

The most hated and cursed

Is the one that we call Scrooge (yeah)

Chester: Unkind as any

And the wrath of many

This is Gina Hemphil-Scrooge

Miranda, Angie, Kelly, Trudy, Kim, Jenny: Oh, there goes Ms. Humbug

There goes Ms. Grim

If they gave a prize for bein' unfair

The winner would be her

Brindle: Oh, Gina loves her money

'Cause she thinks it gives her power

If she became a flavor you can bet she would be sour

Staples, Shipulski, Calhoon, John, Galvin: There goes Ms. Skinflint

There goes Ms. Greed

The undisputed mistress of

The underhanded deed

Marty: She charges folks a fortune

For her dark and drafty houses

Vern and Marge: Poor folk live in misery

Uncle Ted: It's even worse for louses

Miranda, Angie, Kelly, Trudy, Kim, Jenny: She must be so lonely

She must be so sad

She goes to extremes

To convince us she's bad

She's really a victim of fear and of pride

Look close and there must be

A sweet girl inside.

...

Naaaah!

Everyone: There goes Ms. Outrage

There goes Ms. Sneer

Ahe has no time for friends or fun

Her anger makes that clear

Don't ask her for a favor

'Cause her nastiness increases

No crust of bread for those in need

No cheeses for us meeses

There goes Ms. Heartless

There goes Ms. Cruel

She never gives

She only takes

She lets this hunger rule

If bein' mean's a way of life you

Practice and rehearse

Then all that work is paying off

'Cause Gina's getting worse

Every day

In every way

Gina is getting worse!

(Gina sharply turns, giving a cold stare)

Everyone: OH, UM, I HAVE SOMETHING TO DO SUDDENLY

(They escape)

Gina (quiet rage): ...Humbug.

[ronearoundblindly]

Sneak Peek!

excerpt of Threadbare, Part Three a Steve Rogers x fashion designer!Reader tale

Warnings: none. WC 552

Summary: Steve hopes to see you by going to your atélier.

Steve rolls the garment bag he brought off his shoulder and does not take an extra deep breath right before pulling open the door. It’s a normal breath. He’s fine. Fine.

Again, as several other times before, you’re nowhere to be seen.

“Oh my god,” your fourth assistant squeaks from behind the counter.

He knows his name. They know each other’s names—clearly—but have never met.

The young man stands taller. “Oh…my god. Hell-oh.”

Steve…is not sure whether the once-over your employee gives him is flattering or objectifying but rallies to get to his point.

“You must be Byron,” Steve tries casually, suppressing the awkward smirk rising with gentle heat to his cheeks. “I was wondering if the lady of the house was in to return this.” 

Steve’s glad he has the jacket as a prop, something to do with his hands as he nervously glances toward the upstairs where he knows you live anyway. You’re here. He knows it. You’re working, and Steve doesn’t want to interrupt you. He has no other options, or at least, no other options that don’t make him feel a bit creepy.

“‘Fraid not, sir. But—“ Byron gathers his wits more admirably than Steve seems to be “—I’m sure I can help with anything you require, Mr. America.”

“Just Steve is fine,” he smiles back. Steve scans the open fitting rooms for Dominica or any of the others he has a rapport with, but no such luck. “And just the jacket.”

“What seems to be the problem with it?”

“Oh, no, it’s not mine. I was just standing in for a fitting when I got called away and...accidentally took it.”

Byron eyes Steve suspiciously. “You…you stood in…for the fit of another client’s jacket? Another client that…looks like you?”

Steve rolls his shoulders in discomfort. “She asked me to,” he defends lamely.

Byron keeps looking at him as if Steve’s grown an extra head instead of just a head taller than his original stature.

“Ok,” your assistant shrugs, “let’s see who the marker is for.”

Steve shoves the hanging bag in Byron’s outstretched hand, nervous again. He shouldn’t have come. This was a bad idea.

Deftly, clearly recalling a move he’s executed thousands upon thousands of times, Byron unzips the bag, tucks the opening under the shoulders of the jacket, runs his hand down the left side seam, and flips up the corner to peek at the lining.

Steve sees a glint of metallic he never noticed.

“Remind me of your middle name, Mist—sorry, Captain Rogers.”

“It’s Grant,” Steve blurts without thought. “Why?”

“This is your jacket, sir, down to the threads.” Byron smiles, a glistening white band of teeth bared for the enjoyment of all, and gleefully spins the garment around to show a delicately stitched ’S G R’ in silver against the deep purple.

Steve’s cheeks are on fire.

“But…” he stammers. “That’s not…” Steve hunches over the counter as if it will settle a bet his mind and heart are arguing.

You asked about the color…and he said he loved it.

You shyly asked if he’d spare the time to help you…and he jumped at the chance.

You made him a custom jacket and tricked him into having it fitted.

Steven Grant Rogers: Idiot.

[Main Masterlist; Light Masterlist; Ko-Fi]

Is everyone as excited as I am? No? Have you also noticed a ridiculous drop in Tumblr interactions? Yes? Do I care? Kinda, but it can't stop me from enjoying this mini-series. The cuteness! It's so wholesome I AM DYING. 💚💜

Tags (to prove to y'all I'm not dead): @supraveng @1950schick @patzammit @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @bucky-fricking-barnes-reads @fallinallinmendes @deandreamernp @shelbygeek @rogersideup @eyebagsanonymous @trudy-shams

[plotting-against-you]

Ways to Say 'I Love You'

Fandom: One Chicago

Characters: Ellie Halstead, Greg 'Mouse' Gerwitz, Jay Halstead, Hailey Upton, Will Halstead, Trudy Platt, Hank Voight

Summary: Five times Mouse and Ellie say "I love you" without saying "I love you," and the one time they actually say it.

Warnings: PTSD nightmares (not detailed, just mentioned), self-doubt, self-consciousness, deployment

Time 1: You wanna, I don’t know, grab a drink?

“Well, look what the cat dragged in,” Trudy smirked as a familiar blonde approached her desk.

Ellie smiled. “Hey, Trudy. How have you been?”

Coming around her desk, the older woman hugged Ellie. “It’s been too long. How was the tour?”

The youngest Halstead shrugged and smiled. “Really good. I think it was probably the best one yet.”

“Well, good. You know we really enjoyed coming to see you when you stopped here.”

“I could feel you guys in the crowd. It was…something special. It made the night better for me, the band, and the crew.”

The older woman nodded. “Well, get upstairs; I know your brother will want to see you.”

“Yeah, I didn’t exactly tell him I was coming; thought I’d surprised him.”

Trudy smirked as if she knew a secret no one else knew. “There’s a lot of that going around today.”

“What?”

“Nothing! I’ll buzz you up.”

Making a face at the woman’s obvious brush-off, Ellie sighed and followed the steps that led to Intelligence. As she neared the top of the steps, she heard the team talking to someone, and it didn’t seem like they were discussing a case.

“Is this a non-work day I don’t know about, or did you all just know I was coming?”

As everyone turned to her, Jay smiled and hurried to her. “Oh, it’s good to have you back.”

She held on just as tightly as he did. “It’s good to be back.”

Jay pulled away and smirked at her. “You know, your timing is impeccable….”

Ellie furrowed her brow until Jay moved aside, and her eyes landed on the man that stood by her brother’s desk. “Oh my, God. Mouse?”

The man in fatigues smiled at her. “Hey, El.”

Hurrying over, she hugged her friend and sighed. “I didn’t know you were coming home so soon. I would have come with to pick you up.”

He shrugged. “I got a ride from a friend and surprised your brother. I see you had the same idea.”

The blonde laughed, though some would call it a giggle. It was no secret that Mouse and Ellie had had a thing for each other for years, even before he returned to the Rangers. Now that he was home, everyone hoped they would finally act on their feelings and start dating.

“Well, not that these reunions aren’t nice, but we have some work to do.” Voight reminded them, though they could tell he hated to break up the moment.

Jay’s visitors turned to him and waved off the unmistakably torn look he held. “Hey, get back to work. I’ll meet you back at your place after shift, alright?”

The detective nodded at his friend and then turned to his sister. “I’m guessing you’ll be stopping by to see Will? He’s at work now, but I think he’s off at seven.”

Ellie nodded. “Sounds good. Thanks.”

Then she waited for Mouse to grab his bag, and they walked down the stairs of Intelligence together.

Biting her lip, Ellie touched his arm, ignoring the twinges of arousal that flew through her body. “Hey, do you wanna…I don’t know…grab a drink?”

He smiled. “I thought you’d never ask.”

…

Time 2: To us

Ellie smiled as she sat lakeside across from her boyfriend of six months. It was their anniversary, and he’d surprised her by taking her to dinner at her favorite restaurant by the lake.

The weather was nice and warm, the sunset creating a beautiful atmosphere for their special occasion.

“You’ve written how many songs now?”

Ellie laughed. “Only about twenty…for this album.”

She winced as he smiled, and her heart lit up at the sight. There was nothing quite like the view of Mouse’s smile that made her day.

“And that’s so far….”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” She waved him off with a smirk. “You know I don’t get on you for all the techie talk you bring home.”

“True, though I wouldn’t blame you if you did. Your brother and Hailey pretty much want to kill me for it.” His lip twitched. “That’s why I stay with you so much.”

Her eyebrows shot up, and her jaw dropped, though the smile couldn’t be stopped from spreading across her face. “Oh, that’s why you stay with me, is it?”

He blushed. “Well…maybe only part of the reason.”

Ellie shook her head and sighed. “You are a rare person, Gregory Gerwitz.”

“Is that rare in a good way?”

She picked up her old-fashioned and held it out until he clinked his glass against hers. “Here’s to us, Mouse. To our crazy, amazing, driving-my-brother-up-a-wall relationship. To us.”

His smile softened, and he grabbed her free hand in his own as he held his glass up. “To us.”

…

Time 3: You okay?

Mouse sat by the computer while waiting for Ellie to join their Zoom meeting. He’d been back overseas for a few months and missed her like a lost limb.

As the minutes ticked on, his irrational fear that she’d forgotten their meeting crept into his head, as he knew she was probably caught up in meetings for her new album. She might have even been in the studio all day and forgotten what time it was.

Then the screen opened, and though his heart lifted at the fact that she didn’t forget him, it fell again when he saw her face. “Babe…”

Ellie sniffled. “Hey. How are you?”

He gave her a concerned look. “I’m okay. I miss you. What’s wrong?”

She shook her head. “Nothing. It’s nothing.”

“Ellie…talk to me.”

She sniffled again, her eyes red and puffy. “I just…everything is just…it’s so loud. Everything is just so loud and crazy. I can’t get my music back, and I have to rerecord, but I have all this new music in my head waiting to get out. And now my fans are fighting with other fans, and it’s just…everything is too much.”

She broke down for a moment, and Mouse ached to be able to hold her. Then, after a minute, she gathered herself and sighed. “I’m sorry.”

He shook his head. “It’s okay.”

She nodded and smiled through her tears. “You okay?”

He shrugged. “I miss you.”

“I miss you, too.”

“Listen, call Jay. Go have a drink or have dinner. Just do something that doesn’t involve your music and try to relax.” He told her. “I wish I was there with you.”

“I wish you were, too. But you will be soon enough.”

He nodded. Little did she know, it would be sooner than she thought.

…

Time 4: I have to hand it to you; you certainly know how to make a statement

Ellie sighed as she sat at a table with Jay, Hailey, and Will. It was a rare night she let herself go out and avoid responsibilities, and Mouse had been bugging her to do it, so she took his orders and did as told.

He was right, she realized. It was nice to be out without thinking of her new music or her stolen records, or even her feuding fans. She enjoyed being at Molly’s, surrounded by those who comforted her, and could only wish Mouse was sitting by her side.

“So, how is the album coming?”

“Will!” Jay admonished. “The whole point of tonight was to get her mind off that, remember?”

“Sorry…sorry.” He winced. “I forgot.”

“That’s alright; I have a feeling she’ll have a lot more on her mind in a second anyway.” Hailey smiled.

Ellie furrowed her brow and cocked her head. “What are you talking about?”

Then she heard people start to clap, and Herrmann’s voice rose above the crowd. “Hey, make some room! We have a soldier in the house!”

Spinning around in her seat, Ellie’s heart froze. “Pinch me or something?”

“What?” Will questioned.

“Tell me I’m not hallucinating from lack of sleep or stuck in a dream.”

Jay laughed. “He’s real. Now go before he thinks you don’t like his surprise.”

Leaping from her chair, the blonde ran across the bar and threw herself into Mouse’s waiting arms. He’d dropped his bag on the floor to make room for her, and it lay forgotten, as did everyone else in the bar.

The only thing that mattered was the couple standing in the middle, one with his feet on the floor, the other with her legs wrapped around his stomach as she held on to him for dear life.

Pulling away from him, she sighed. “What are you doing here? You weren’t supposed to be home for a few more months.”

He laughed and kissed her. “My return date got pushed up. I figured I’d surprise you. Are you surprised?”

She dropped to the floor and smacked him gently. “Of course, I am, you dork.”

They kissed again as Herrmann brought over a beer. “Welcome home, man.”

“Thanks, Herrmann.”

Ellie sighed. “I have to hand it to you, babe. You certainly know how to make a statement.”

“I try.” He shrugged, and they moved together to walk to the table where their family sat.

…

Time 5: When things get crazy, don’t push me away

Ellie blinked a few times to let her eyes adjust to the room's darkness. She wasn’t sure what woke her until a grunt came from next to her, and she turned to see her fiancé tossing and turning in his sleep.

Biting her lip, she laid her body down and only then shook his shoulder. She’d learned different ways to wake him from his nightmares without being punched in the face, and this was the best they’d found that worked for them.

He immediately swung but hit only air, and his body leaped from the bed. “No!”

“Babe,” Ellie said calmly. “Hey, you’re home. You’re okay. Everything’s okay.”

He breathed heavily for a few moments before his eyes settled on her. “Did I hurt you?”

She shook her head. “Never.”

Sighing, he sat up and stuck his slippers on. “I’m going to go sleep on the couch. I don’t want to bother you.”

“Please don’t do that.” She begged him, knowing he felt bad but not wanting him to. “You’re fine, really.”

“Babe…”

“Don’t do that.” She told him.

He looked confused. “Don’t do what?”

“When things get crazy, don’t push me away.”

Laying back down and turning to face her, Mouse kicked off his slippers. Then he put his arm around her and pulled her close, kissing her and looking into her eyes.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“The good thing is, you’ll never have to know.”

…

+1: I love you

Ellie bit her lip as she bounced her one-month-old to try and quiet her down. It was as if the baby could sense the nerves coming off her mother and felt them too.

“Ellie, relax. He’s going to love her.”

“I know, I know. I just haven’t seen him since I got pregnant, and I look different, and now it’s not just us and….”

Hailey sighed. “You know he loves you no matter how you look. Plus, he’s overjoyed about her, you know that.”

Ellie nodded. “I know, I do. I just want them to get here already.”

As if on cue, the front door opened; Jay walked in, followed by Mouse in full fatigues. She couldn’t run to him this time, as she had precious cargo in her arms, but the sentiment was still there in their eyes.

“My God…” He breathed and dropped his bag and hat on the floor before moving to them.

His hands came up to cradle the tiny head nestled in the crook of Ellie’s arm, and he looked at his wife in tears. “She’s beautiful.”

Ellie had similar tears in her eyes. “Mouse…meet Charlotte, your daughter.”

He leaned down and kissed her head. “Can I hold her?”

“Of course.” He surprised her with a kiss as she leaned forward to hand off the baby to him, and she chuckled. “What was that for?”

His eyes held admiration and all the love in the world. “I love you.”

She smiled, and all her nerves melted away. “I love you, too.”

[croissantbae]

June 3, 2023

1.  There’s something wrong w/ my Tumblr app.  Usually I post from my phone but the create new post button doesn’t respond when I press it.  It’s quite a hindrance to blogging. 

2.  Today felt like another great weekend w/ the kids.  I can already see how these are going to be the times I look back upon as the best of times because doing anything w/ the kids is fun (if they’re in a good mood).  Like going out to eat is fine and dandy but going out and having a good meal with the kids feels so victorious.  Seeing them smile and have a good time truly makes anything more worth it.  Today we went to Kidspace and we texted everyone to see if they’d be available.  Trudy was busy writing her dad’s book but Paul came w/ Wes and Kian and the kids had a lovely time.  Well, Dani was a bit cranky because she was hangry.  Naya ate a million pancakes for breakfast but Dani just picked out the chocolate chips and didn’t eat any actual pancake.  She’s strange in that she doesn’t like carbs unless they’re in the form of something crunchy like a cracker or chips.  

Afterwards we went to Tomato Pizza (or whatever its called) and oh my god it was so delicious. We were going to take it to Trudy’s and Paul’s but the kids were so hungry (or rather Dani was dying at this point) so we just sat on one of the seats outside and ended up eating all the pizzas out there.  Then Paul got wings (delish) and a beer and oh my god.  I just had one sip of his beer but it tasted like summer sitting out there.  The kids were running around, going up and down random stairs, touching rocks, etc. and it felt so peaceful and nice.  Then we went to visit their new house (under reno) and given Jason and I like doing that kind of stuff it was really fun to explore their new space. So curious how it’ll all turn out once their vision comes to life.  

Then we came home and gave the girls a looooooong bath, showed them some Hercules, then ate dinner, then put them to sleep.  Dani knocked out like 2x but we woke her up so she wouldn’t sleep because when she naps, she doens’t sleep for a whileee at night (and Jason suffers).  

3.  Tomorrow I am going to a Mamamoo concert with my friend and we’re getting dinner in ktown beforehand so Jason is going to watch the kids solo. Therefore I am taking the kids out to church tomorrow on my own and Jason will have his own time.  I really hope things aren’t too hard tomorrow night. 

4.  Going back to #2, I keep staring at some of the photos from today because the expressions on the kids’ faces are just. so. precious. 

5. I’ve been watching heart signal season 4 and I just have to say wow it makes me so thankful for Jason. Just because you can see how awkward it feels as they get to know each other and it really opens people up for insecurity, jealousy, etc. I would not do well in that kind of environment bc I don’t like to put myself out there like that and I esp don’t like to flirt the way you kind of need to on the show in order to progress relationships in a short amount of time. But I still love watching lol.

[perpetually-sad-but-its-fine]

chicago pd 10x12

im not ready in the slightest

i do not want to see sean o’neal’s ass on my screen

this beginning is great

hailey sleeping in a bed by herself

OH MY GOD WAIT

HAILEY AND VANNESSA

MY BABIES

WE DESERVED MORE OF THEM

im going feral over a picture

these piCTURES

is that a picture of jay as a kid???

I WANTED TO SEE IT MORE CLOSELY

ALL OF JAYS STUFF

IS COFFEE MUG

good god

o’neal

back the fuck up

nobody likes you

god

hailey

my GOD

JAY PICK UP THE GODDAMN PHONE

COME ON HALSTEAD

SHE DESERVES SO MUCH BETTER 

hailey excitedly looking at the phone only for it to be county jail???

im done

i can't

trudyyyyyy

trudy and hailey my mother-daughter duo

GOD SHES STILL WEARING THE RING

IM IN PAIN

oh fuck you

i hate you

so much

so so so so much

like

fuck off

ugh

‘you came’

SHUT YOUR ASS UP

NOW

oh my god

i hate him so much

and hes barely said anything

‘there is no you and me!’

HER VOICE BREAKING

THE TEARS IN HER EYES

attagirl hailey

as you fuckin should

‘things you could use’

i'll use your face to mop the fuckin floor with your blood

no

stop it

CHICAGO PD

LEAVE HER ALONE GODDAMMIT

i hope you die

genuinely

dammit this isn't gonna go well

hes telling the truth

i don't want him to be telling the truth

but he is

i can feel it

this is already scaring me and she hasn't gone inside yet

OH MY GOD BLOOD

hailey please be careful

what the fuck?

what's this

OH MY GOD

WHATS HAPPENING

no this poor child

noooooooo

im emotionally invested already

agh

why must this hurt me so much

hailey being a compassionate, lovely person

i love her

aW GOD

THIS POOR CHILD

he is scarred

truly

seeing voight interact with this child is truly heart-warming

i wanna see him interact with his grand

whatever happened with olive and little baby daniel anyways?

goddammit

im hurT

callum is gonna get hurt at some point during this episode, isn't he?

HIS HAND WAS SHAKING

THIS POOR KID

oh the hug

im too weak

stop

‘creepy clown masks’

i hate it

so much

this kid is a good actor

trudyyyy

i always love seeing trudy interact with kids

oh god

voight sending hailey back to sean

i don't like it

oh a lovely start

sean

shut the fucK UP

i hate him

so so so so so so much

i want to kill him

SEAN

LEAVE HER ALONE

no

don't trust him

fucker

ill murder you in your sleep

ugh

ew

‘to share them with me’

the look of disgust on everyone’s face

lovely

i despise all of this

the father of samantha’s here

yay

more pain

good god

lady

shut the fuck up about my wife

she did not ask for this

‘hes a psychopath’

and what are you exactly?

kim and adammmm

the look of murder on lim’s face is so true

i love it

‘i will get it all... for you’

SHUT THE FUCK UP

adam looks like he wants to punch him

id pay good money to see that

this isn't gonna end well

i do not like this conversation

not in the slightest

oh ew

no

no

no

disgusting

*gagging sounds*

im gonna throw up

actually

ugh

no

stop

stoP IT

E W

S T O P

no

im actually so repulsed

i will throw up

hailey

don't do something stupid

or rash

oh good

he stopped

my skin is still crawling

nope nvm

its still crawling

i wanna tear my hair out

father

tell the truth

please

oh god

god im actually gonna throw up

TELL THE TRUTH RICHARD

P L EA SE

TELL THE TR U T H

oh lovely

somethings gonna go wrong

and she won't be there

or she’ll be dead

please keep my babies safe

please

she isn't there

i fuckin knew it

so fuckin convenient

how do the becks fit?

richard beck prolly did something

tell the truth man

please

help t h e m

yea richard

why are you lying

tell the goddamn truth

hailey’s gonna come with some sort drop on richard

oh no nvm

its something else

something’s gonna go wrong here too

yay

shootout

I KNEW SOMETHING WAS GOING TO GO WRONG

joy

one of them’s dead

this chase isn't gonna end well

something’s gonna happen

oh lovely

the van flipped

what're the chances both of them are dead?

oh gunshots

yay

oh samantha

my poor child

oh no

noooooo

samantha

god

i want an explanation to all of this

don't lie samantha

how convenient that both of them are dead

this is something else

i knew that there’s something wrong with the dad

‘you want us to keep an eye on him?’

‘you’re damn right’

lovely

can't wait to see where this goes

its gonna come up later, i can feel it

how come her HUSBANDs name in her phone is ‘jay halstead’

it should've been ‘hubby’

or ‘handsome’

or ‘baby’

or ‘detective hotstead’

dammit

hailey getting so excited with the phone ringing only to find out that its the county jail

‘my husband is jay halstead’

IM CRYING

her voice breaking and shaking

im not okay

no

shes about to cry

EXTENSION????

NO

PLEASE NO

IM CRYING

STOP

STOP

STOP

NO THE RING

STOP IT

I HATE EVERYTHING

sean i despise you with everything that i have

i would like to kill you

god that scar on his head scares me

sean

shut the fuck up

idk how many times ive said that

but shut up

‘its a good speech but youre giving it to the wrong person’

IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE A REFERENCE TO JAY??

CUZ ILL KILL HIM

chicago pd writers better sleep with one eye open

im coming for you

[dashuisofanubis]

So Patricia's just come back and now she's leaving again 😭

[wispyhearts-heaven]

I'm Home (Bo Sinclair x Reader) Part I

If you think you've seen this before, you probably have. I'm having problems with my other account so I'm posting everything here. Thank you for your patience while I do this.

| It’s been too long since you’ve been in Ambrose, but now you want to return home, only it’s changed a bit. |

Warnings: House of Wax canon typical violence, talks of death and murder, hinted child abuse. (Let me know if I missed anything or to add tags)

Pairings: (future) Bo Sinclair x Reader, Lester Sinclair & Reader, Vincent Sinclair & Reader.

(here) (ii) (iii)

Not my gif!

God, it felt like it had been eons since you had driven down this road, and even as it laid empty with weeds lining the drive, it was still so familiar. At least, this time, you could see the road with clear eyes, no screaming or crying to turn the car around necessary.

You were in control as you drove this time. There weren’t any other cars that you had seen coming or going this way. You knew that ever since the interstate had been integrated that Ambrose would have died out, especially without the sugar mill to bring in money after it closed down a few years ago. Even with it’s slightly macabre history, tourism would not be booming in this town.

You smiled to yourself as you passed the town sign promoting Trudy’s House of Wax. You didn’t remember much about Trudy or Victor “Doc” Sinclair, barely the faces, just the voices and builds of their bodies. The kindness they had shown to you when another boy in the town had pushed you over onto the grass and you knew you couldn’t go home with the grass stains or your mother would have killed you (hypothetically of course).

While you may not remember much about the parents, the same could not be said for the Sinclair boys. Bo and Vincent were both older than you by a few years, while Lester was your age, you being a few months older than him. Lester had been your second introduction into the family, Doc Sinclair had been the first as he was the one to help your mother give birth to you, but he was the first one that you remembered. He had been a firecracker and your best friend, careful not to roughhouse you despite you both being about the same size. He was a gentle, but dirty, soul.

Then there was Bo Vincent, you met both when you were finally invited into the Sinclair house by Lester but Vincent was the first one you saw. He’d been sitting in the lounge room on the floor with his mother combing his hair back. Trudy had looked at you and exclaimed, but was careful not to pull her boy’s hair. “Oh, you must be Y/N! Lester has told us all about you! Come in, food is about to be put out.” She had motioned for you to sit in the lounge and that’s when you’d seen the wax mask on Vincent’s face. Lester had told you about this, so instead of being startled, you smiled.

“You must be Vincent.” You’d said, sitting down across from him, also on the floor. Trudy had tried to tell you to sit on the couch but you smiled back. “It’s fine ma’am-”

“Trudy, I insist.” She had intervened.

“I’m alright sitting on the floor T-Trudy.” You had stumbled over her name but continued to stay seated where you are. She didn’t fight you on it anymore. “I like your mask.” You said as you looked back at Vincent.

He didn’t respond, but little did you know, Trudy and Vincent’s heart immediately opened up to you. Vincent was sweet, quiet because he was unable to speak, but he didn’t need his words to show his love for you. He’d made you flower crowns, little wax figures, paintings anything he could get his hands on. You had kept every single one when you were younger, even packing some with you when you had left. You had braided his hair, learnt about the intracises that came to wax, and the different paints that Vincent liked to use.

Lunch was when you met Bo. Lester had also warned you about Bo, but it wasn’t about his looks. Bo was a force, a hurricane all encompassed in a human. “Ma said he was worse when he was younger.” Lester had told you. And you believed him.

Doc Sinclair had pulled a chair over for you; he already liked you enough, seeing you and your mother every week after your birth before sectioning it out to every few months as you got older. He then yelled for Bo.

He had come down the stairs, heavy but not heavy enough to be considered rude in front of a guest. Trudy had still been disappointed and Lester had given you a small comforting smile as he squeezed your hand. Bo’s face was cute, a small smile but his eyes were cold, distant. He sat down next to you.

Your first encounter with Bo Sinclair was not traumatic, and thankfully, no one else in the Sinclair household let him traumatize you as he did with some of the other people in Ambrose. You were convinced the warmth and love that Vincent and Lester gave you was enough to keep you safe from his wrath. Despite the other brother’s best efforts, you saw his fierceness. His protectiveness of his family. Anyone in the town that tried to bully Vincent had black eyes and bloody noses, anyone that tried to dim Lester’s lights were seeing his father for an appointment. Anyone that made fun of the House of Wax, because kids are mean, were oftentimes seen the next day with burns on their arms.

Bo didn’t like you at first, but then you were a regular at the Sinclair house and suddenly you were family. When one of the neighboring kids had pushed you down, other parents brushing it off as ‘he’s just showing that he likes you’, Bo had waited until the parents had left and after you had picked yourself up to then throw a rock at the boy’s head.

No one pushed you after that. But Trudy grew worried, knowing Bo could get possessive over things, but she didn’t want to keep you away from her other boys, especially not Vincent when you could make his rainy days turn to shine. She loved the way you looked after her babies.

You wondered if she would forgive you for taking so long to come back.

You wondered if any of the Sinclair’s would forgive you. Despite what your sibling said, that it wasn’t your fault, you still felt guilty. But how could you have fought your parents when you had simply been told you were going on a vacation.

You shook your head, trying to get out of your thoughts. You did it just in time to slam on the breaks as the road that led into the town was no longer there. You panted in your car, wanted for the adrenaline to come down and thought of your options. Your car didn’t have four wheel drive so you couldn’t exactly go through the washed up road, but you didn't exactly want to leave your car here. It’s not like many people are passing through though. And with that in mind, you found yourself grabbing your valuables, getting out of the car and locking it. You had worn clothes that would work with the hot weather: shorts, a shirt with a light jumper on, as well as a comfortable pair of sneakers but without the aircon of your car, you could feel the sweat already bead on your face.

It was as you locked up your car that you heard another pull up behind you. You saw an old, beat up truck come in and stop. You heard the brake sound and saw the man with sandy blond hair, and a dirty cap get out of the truck. He looked at your car, then at you.

“You ‘right there?” He asked, his voice a rough, Southern not quite twang, reminding you very much of your once home.

“Yeah,” you responded as he came closer, “just making my way to Ambrose.”

“You know this place?” He came just to the end of your car, eyeing it off. You car certainly wasn’t anything super pricey, not that you could afford it, but it had been one of your first independent purchases and it worked just fine, but you also knew that a car would stand out against the trucks that would be in Ambrose and along these roads.

“Uh, yeah. I used to live there, long before the sugar mill shut down.” You motioned back towards the other side of the road. “It’s been a while but I didn’t realize the road was washed out.”

He looked surprised, but you doubted that many people actually knew Ambrose existed. It certainly wasn’t on any maps around. “Before the sugar mill? You don’t look too old.”

“I’m not, it just feels like ages ago.” You cross your arms against your stomach as you lean your back against your car. “Trudy and D-Victor were still here when my parents took me.”

“Naw.” He was taken aback, you looked at him. “You knew the Sinclair’s?”

“I loved them.” You said. “They were my second family.Hell, Doc saved me and my Ma from dying.”

“How so?” he asked.

“I knew he did shady shit before he came to Ambrose but it’s that that saved my life.” You said, before telling him your story. “I was the wrong way around, my Ma’s water broke and I had the umbilical cord tied around my neck. He performed an emergency c-section and saved both of our lives that day.” You chuckled. “He didn’t even let my dad pay him extra, just sent us on our way with check ups every now and then and then birthed his own son a few months later.”

“Naw shit?”

“No shit.” You responded back, a smile on your face before you looked back out at the trees. “Lester. My first friend.” You looked back at him, your eyes tearing up. “The boys around?”

His jaw was slack as he looked at you. He blinked a few times. “What’s your name?” It was like he didn’t register your question. It was then that you stood on your own two feet and moved closer to the man, looking him in the eyes. They were so familiar, but-

“Lester?”

“Y/N?”

“Oh my god.” You latch on to him, tears filling your eyes. “Oh my god. You’re okay.” You muttered into his shoulder as he rested his forehead on the crown of your head. You didn’t want to pull away from him, you just squeezed him. Eventually, he was the one to release you. You squeezed his arms as you looked at him, just taking him in. “You’ve grown so much.”

“Speak for yerself.” Lester also had tears in his eyes. “I- we didn’t know what happened to you.”

“I nearly killed my parents when they took me away. I was so angry.” You knew you were slightly stuttering, but Lester didn’t care. He pulled you in again.

“You’re home.” It was then that he tensed up. “But you gotta know that things have changed.” He pulled away, much more serious now.

“What happened? Is Vin alright? What about Bo?” Your mind became frantic but Lester shushed you, quietly, rubbing his hand along your shoulder.

“They’re fine. I don’t think I’m the best person to tell ya this, ya know I ain’t good with words. I-” He paused for a second. “We- Bo wanted revenge. It wasn’t, it’s not the same as it was.”

“Lester, don’t try to be good with words. Just tell me.” You said. He looked over your head.

“How ‘bout I show you as well?” He looked back at you, dread setting in. “But if I show you, you can’t leave.”

You paused.

“You said it yourself.” You whispered to Lester. “I’m home.”

[mitochondriaandbunnies]

Miami Vice S1E3: Heart of Darkness

I couldn’t quite recall this episode (I was definitely putting it in the category of ‘pre-Castillo episodes where things hadn’t gelled yet) before rewatching it, but there’s a lot going on with this one:

It’s the first “here is someone you could become later, Sonny” episodes, and I was really fascinated by the ways in which Sonny kind of recognized this and was like, ‘hmm, that seems bad,’ and how at the end, Rico sits down with him to talk it over. They appear, briefly, like they’re going to have a real conversation about Sonny’s fears, and then the lieutenant comes up and is like ACTUALLY HE DIED and then we end on a freeze frame. I forgot that Sonny hadn’t yet become fully emotionally constipated in S1.

Sonny consistently implying he’s the cool, laid-back one and that Rico needs to loosen up, which seems reasonable when you first watch the show, but becomes horrifying instead upon a rewatch, because Sonny has never been cool about anything in his life, and Rico’s ability to detach and step back is a big part of why he doesn’t end up the way Sonny does

Rico: I came to Miami to improve my life somewhat. / The Lieutenant: You came to Miami because NY was going to fire you. / It’s. Very easy to forget that Rico impersonated his brother and was going to be let go before the show started. XD

The getting ready sequence is so, so good at giving us a clear picture of who these people are, and it still works having seen the whole series. I love Rico picking out accessories and loading an old revolver while Sonny just fucking smokes and jams a cartridge in his gun. Also, the two credit cards are hilarious in hindsight-- I think we’re supposed to see him as a high roller, but knowing that Sonny is flat broke most of the series makes it clear that no, he’s just paying off one credit card with another.

Sonny freaking the fuck out and threatening his beloved alligator with a gun as Rico tells him he has to calm down and look at himself, played for comedy. Ha ha ha, ha, ha, oh god. It would be just terrible if something like this happened in a non-funny way, later.

Gina and Trudy being like LOL PORNO, which they also do in a S3 episode. I love them. And I REALLY love Trudy telling Sonny he has competition, because the magazine she’s holding seems to be all sexy ladies. Is this an implication that she is, herself, the competition?

Despite knowing each other for about two months at this point, the way Rico immediately goes into lockstep with Sonny the moment an authority figure is around, even if ten seconds ago he was vehemently disagreeing with him. Also just his disdain for authority in general-- he doesn’t argue like Sonny, he just quietly disobeys the rules.

Once again: how does anyone remember Sonny “Okayyyy, let’s not talk about it” Crockett as this super straight macho man. He’s such a catty bitch and I love him for it. 

I really didn’t realize that the whole “Rico’s eyes are always on Sonny” thing was true this early and it HURTS ME

Just: Elvis, my beloved

[hereforhalstead]

Showtime

*Gif not mine, credits to the owner*

• Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader.

• Requested: Not this one! Just fancied writing a little jealous Jay piece as I thought it had been a while👀 hope you enjoy!

• Warnings: Swearing

• Summary: Voight asks you to go undercover with Adam in which you decide to tease Jay about it as the unit are unaware of your relationship.

• Words: 3083

****

You sat at your desk as Voight called everyone to gather round his office, he makes his way over to the whiteboard and swings it round to show the information on the other side, your eyes wander over the board and the sight of so much detail and CCTV stills. You can’t help but realise you never saw him write any that down, so dread to think the hours he was here until last night to put this plan together. 

He was clearly having one of his days where no options were wanted and or needed, he blitzed through the minor details and barely stopped to take a breath. You all stood watching as he reeled off information that you were all supposed to be taking in, you were secretly hoping someone else was paying more attention than you as it seemed to be going in one ear and out the other. You find yourself loosing concentration as you focus on a random spot on the board, you jolt as Kevin nudges your arm. You turn to see Voight raising his brows at you, jaw hung open with the corner of his lip turned in spite “Sorry, what?” you quickly straighten up and actually focus on what he’s saying. “Nice of you to join us again, Y/N” he shakes his head and continues to point out details on the board.

A few moments later you had pretty much got the gist of the plan but it then came to giving out roles “Halstead, you’re gonna be posing as a bar tender to keep an eye on movements inside”. He barked his order and Jay nodded in response, “Kim, you’ll be a drunk club goer who’s trying it on with Jay so you’ll both be near by”. She rolled her eyes at Jay who always seemed to be used in some form of flirtatious way during these things which suited him but didn’t sit well with you. You trusted your team and would never doubt their intentions but it still wasn’t ideal for them to throw themselves at Jay during these missions and you couldn’t even make a well natured sarcastic comment about how he was yours.

You and Jay had been somewhat of an ‘item’ for a few months, you found yourselves growing closer after becoming partners and soon one thing led to another. Unbearable tension built and Kim was the one to call you out on it, fed up of being put in the middle of your silly spats and childish arguments when it was clear how drawn to each other you were. You decided to keep it between the pair of you as Voight made it clear he wasn’t a fan of relations within the unit, Jay struggled at first but after seeing the way Voight laid into Kim and Adam he soon realised you had a point. It was all fun and games at first, sneaky glances across the room, little touches in the locker room but there was always going to be some negatives that you hadn’t planned for. For example, the way girls throw themselves at Jay was something you’d never get used to. I mean he truly was something else but the way they would do anything to get his attention made you cringe, what was even worse was how he would try and wriggle out of the situations but they would follow him around like a lost puppy. You’d watch as he’d get more frustrated with not being able to tell them he wasn’t single and how he looked to you for help but you couldn’t do much more. 

Jay found it equally as hard as he was quite a jealous and protective person, this was magnified when he was thrown into the deep end of men flirting with you and him having to just stand back and watch. He would step in every now and then if they really weren’t getting the hint but if he intervened every time he wanted, someone definitely would’ve caught on by now. 

Voight finished giving out instructions and demands of Hailey and Kevin taking roles of surveillance in the van parked outside the venue. He was quick to dismiss everyone which left you and Adam without direction, “What about us Sarge?” Adam questions and the group hang back, thinking they’ll be involved in a change of plan. “Oh yeah, how could I forget. The main stars of my show” he slings an arm round each of you as he pulls the pair of you to face the rest “Everyone, meet the new hot couple in Intelligence” he proudly announces and you see Jay’s face drop but you’re just as confused “Come again?” you question but Adam doesn’t need telling twice as he doesn’t seem to doubt Voight’s decision “Fine by me” he winks towards you. You look to Kim and cock your eyebrow with an unimpressed glance, she shrugs back at you and smiles which puts you slightly at ease as you didn’t want to step on any toes due to you knowing how it felt to be put in that position with a certain detective. “I’m putting the pair of you undercover, Adam as the big man and you being his not to clued up eye candy” Voight pats you on the shoulder as you notice Jay roll his eyes “Thanks Sarge, won’t take it personally” you sarcastically respond. 

“Go on, go get dressed up the pair of you.” he releases you from his hold as Adam receives a high five from Kevin followed by a “my man” in praise. “I sent Trudy out to pick up some outfits for you, go and get them from her and get your arses into gear. We leave in an hour.” Voight heads back into his office and shuts the door behind him, you make your way over to Kim’s desk and perch yourself on the edge “Why couldn’t he choose you? Surely he knows you have much better convincing power with Adam than me” you mutter but considering the room was in silence you knew everyone could hear. “You know what he’s like with me and Adam, he’s probably doing this in spite of me” she moans “Just remember to stay on his left side, he always favors his right” she adds and you laugh “he’s such a girl”. 

“M’Lady, shall we go and get red carpet ready?” Adam approaches and offers his arm out to you, you run your eyes up and down his body in judgement but he doesn’t move “Come on, it could be worse. You could be stuck with Halstead” he scans his eyes over to Jay who was already leaning on his elbow and watching the pair of you “Suppose you’re right” you respond to play along with his jokes. Jay tilts his head and a sarcastic grin flashes on his face before turning back to his paperwork “Let’s go you two, why are you still here?” Voight’s rough voice echoes through the room as he storms out of his office “Trudy picking outfits? If I come back in a bin bag just know it was better than whatever god forsaken mess she has picked” you whisper to Kim who chuckles as you take Adam’s arm and head down the stairs to Trudy. 

You’re taken by surprise as she pulls out the clothes from the bags, she’d picked out a nice white shirt for Adam with some tailored black pants and some black leather shoes. “A little magician like for me but I’ll take it” he comments as he takes the bag from her, she stares him down with her intense gaze and then turns onto you. You feel yourself dreading what she will present you with but your jaw nearly drops to the floor when she picks out a little satin black dress and when you say little, you mean little. The corresponding black heels soon get placed on the counter and you can see Trudy trying to conceal her smugness but failing “This the kind of thing you wear for Mouch?” Adam asks and laughs to himself but Trudy doesn’t mirror his humour “I rarely wear anything for Mouch” she winks and Adam clears his throat “I’ll leave that alone if you don’t mind”.

You take the bag into the locker room and slip into the dress, this wasn’t you’re normal attire but you were not mad in the slightest. The shortness of the dress would take some getting used to but once you got the heels on you felt incredible. Luckily, you always kept some make up in your locker due to plans within Intelligence being pretty last minute and you liked to make some touch up’s before you headed out to Molly’s for the evening. You took yourself over to the mirror and began applying your make up, a little heavier than usual as you wanted to match the aesthetic of your outfit but still nothing crazy and thanking yourself for washing and straightening your hair the night before so it was already good to go after a quick brush through. You studied yourself in the mirror and was quite impressed with the outcome and dare you admit, excited to see how riled up it would make Jay. You took out your phone and sent him a quick text message, simply saying ‘Sorry in advance’ so you could say you gave him some form of pre warning. 

Stuffing your old clothes back into your locker you head back upstairs and can feel your heart racing as you get closer and closer to the top of the steps. As soon as you come into sight, you’re met with wolf whistles and various comments to which you never know how to respond “Damn girl, didn’t know you had it in you” Kevin pipes up as his eyes roam your body “Not mad about it, not mad at all” Adam chimes in as Hailey coughs to interrupt “Keep it in your pants boys, you don’t see Halstead drooling over her. Be more like him” she adds and you laugh to yourself at the irony. Jay clears his throat and makes his way over to you, your heart thumping so hard in your chest that you’re sure everyone is bound to hear. He hands you a necklace and you stare at him confused, he picks up your hand from your side and places it in your palm with more force than you were expecting, taking you slightly aback “Voight wants you to wear this, something about how it can be a present Adam gave you but it will really be where your mic goes”. Adam peers over at the necklace and nods “I’ve got good taste, you’re very lucky” he suggests with a wink, Jay soon returns to his desk, avoiding all eye contact and turning his attention back to his monitor. 

“Are you not meant to have a bag of some sort?” Hailey asks and you check inside the carrier bag Trudy gave you but see nothing resembling any accessories “Nothing in here, might’ve left it in the locker room though”. You place the bag on Kim’s desk and head back down the stairs, passing Trudy’s desk as you go. She takes a double look as you stroll past and nods to herself “Not bad Y/N. You’ve got a great stylist” she compliments and you dramatically flick your hair in response, “What’s up with the mood Halstead?” she keeps her eyes on you despite her talking to Jay who makes his way down the stairs “I’m not in a mood?” he snaps back, regretting instantly as she widens her eyes at him “Tell your stompy feet that then” she looks him up and down and then smiles at you “Smash it kid”. 

You feel some sort of warmth from Trudy despite what people think of her, she always had a soft spot for you and you found comfort in seeing her as your ‘work mum’. God for bid she ever found out that you think of her that way though, she’d probably stop speaking to you all together.. 

You stand at Trudy’s desk and wait for Jay to leave but he doesn’t seem to be budging, you feel him staring at you as if he is waiting for you to make the first move “Sorry, did you want something or?” she asks and Jay shakes his head “Voight sent me down here to help Y/N look for something in the locker room” he is quick to respond but you knew it was bullshit, Voight couldn’t care less about you finding a bag let alone putting 2 people onto finding it. You push your thoughts aside and carry on walking to the locker room you had just been getting ready in. The sound of your heels clicking on the hard floor sure turned some heads and it was just your luck a drunk group of men were in one of the rooms to awaiting questioning. One of them leant against the door frame and wolf whistled, the other joined him and made some comment about how you looked but you didn’t give it any attention, Jay on the other hand couldn’t stop himself “Sit back down and shut the fuck up before I make you, we clear?” he slammed the door shut behind them but you kept walking.

“What are you really doing here Jay?” you question as you enter the room, holding the door open for him before walking over to your locker. You hear a loud thud as he shuts it behind the pair of you and leans his back against it, his knee bent as he picks off a bit of fluff from the thigh of his jeans “That dress new?” he asks, still not looking up at you and focusing on his jeans “You know it is, Voight only told the entire team that Trudy bought us outfits?” you huff as you fail to find any form of bag or purse that was intended for you to use. 

You begin to walk around to check other areas you had been within the room, the bathroom, the mirror but nothing seemed to jump out. Meanwhile, Jay was still stood leaning against the door and watching your every move intently “You gonna let me leave and do my job or?” you stand in front of Jay but he doesn’t budge. Instead he simply turns his nose up and shakes his head “Well then do something useful and help me put this necklace on” you hang the jewelry from your hand but he just stares at it “Or I’ll just do it myself then. Fuck sake” you mumble under your breath and walk back over to the mirror.

A few moments go by and it was no use, you couldn’t get the necklace on by yourself and Jay was still being as useless as ever and not moving to help, instead strolling over and sitting on one of the benches in the middle of the room. “Guess I’ll just get Adam to put it on for me, or Kevin. I’m sure they’d jump at the chance to help” you think aloud and strut past Jay who reaches up to catch your wrist before you can get any further “Come here then”.

He pulls you down onto his lap and you can feel his breath against the nape of your neck, a shiver run down your spine as he touches your skin and moves your hair to one side “Looking forward to being coupled with Adam? You look great together” he remarks and you roll your eyes at him for ruining what could’ve been one of your private moments that you were starting to crave. You stand from his grasp as he manages to fix the necklace round your neck and head for the door to leave but he is hot on your trail “Something bothering you?” you ask but Jay responds by looking down on you with that glint in his eye and mischievous smirk to try and divert your attention from how he is behaving “You don’t even have to say a word for me to know you’re lying if you say you don’t care" you chuckle but Jay isn’t amused. 

“Go and have fun, I’m sure I’ll have a great time watching the pair of you all over each other” he comments with gritted teeth “I’m sure we will have a blast, might even stick my tongue down his throat" you quickly add and curse yourself for not thinking before you speak “Go for it, gotta make it convincing” to your shock he agrees but the way his fists hang tight at his side and his nostrils are flared tell a whole different story “You really need to work on your lying skills detective”.

You can sense the rage running through him as the pair of you stand in silence, your eyes flick over to the clock and realise you’re meant to be leaving at any moment and they will be wondering where you are. You place your hand on Jay’s cheek and see him lean into your hand slightly, no matter how tense he is with you he can never stop himself from giving into your touch. “We best get going, I’ve got to see a man about a new boyfriend” you tease causing Jay to regain himself and straighten up “I dare you Y/N. I dare you to put on your little act as best you can because you know I’ll be watching and ready to remind you who you belong to when we’re alone” he threatens and you feel as though your legs could give way out of the weakness he causes you. You know him too well to know these weren’t empty threats and you were now set on going above and beyond to make him jealous “Enjoy the show, baby.”

***

Inbox and requests always open💃🏼

After popular demand, Part 2 to this is now up!

[halsteadlover]

The Departure part II

*Gif not mine credits to the owner*

• Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader.

• Requested: highly 😂

• Warnings: mention of rape and death, some curse words.

• Summary: A case you're working on leads you back in Chicago and it's harder than you think when you still haven't forgotten your past.

• Word count: 4864.

• A/N: so this is part 2 of "The Departure" imagine so if you haven't read it yet here's Part 1. This is the SHITTIEST things I've ever written and I'm sorry in advance for this, I really hate it 😭. My inbox is always open feel free to ask me anything or if you want to just talk ❤️ love you all thank you so much for your support, to every single one of you! 💞

Los Angeles was fantastic. When you left you certainly didn't expect to settle in so well and in such a short time.

It had been about seven months since you left Chicago and you couldn’t deny you missed it like crazy, you even missed the almost unbearable winter. Your work was taking up most of your time and you hadn't had any opportunity to go back there.

For this reason when a case you were working on brought you to Chicago you were over the moon to go back and being able to see your friends and family again. Of course, you were as happy as you were nervous and the reason was only one.

Jay Halstead.

You hadn’t talked to him since you broke up months ago, his betrayal still in your memory. You had decided to cut all ties with him and that’s why you didn’t answer any of his calls during the time you were in LA.

A mix of emotions ran through your body when, after placing your suitcase in your hotel room, you arrived in front of what was once your workplace, the 21st district. A feeling of anxiety gripped your stomach but at the same time god how much you had missed that district.

You took a deep breath, whispering to yourself a ‘you can do this’ looking at the building one last time before stepping inside.

“Always stuck between paperwork huh?” you said as soon as you approached Trudy. Her hair was shorter but she always had the same bored frown on her face. She put the pen on her desk and a look of shock appeared on her face as soon as she saw you.

“Oh my god!” she exclaimed, approaching you and holding you in a hug that you immediately reciprocated, a huge smile on your face “It’s so good to see you how are you? You didn’t come once since you left!”.

“It’s so good to see you too Trudy, I wanted to come but work is exhausting, how are you? How are things here?”.

“I’m fine but it’s not the same without you,” she said, making you laugh. She was so exaggerated sometimes “You’re back to stay right?”.

“You wish,” you teased her, giggling when a sad expression appeared on her face “That’s why I’m here,” you said, raising your hand and showing the dossier you were holding “Voight is waiting for me.”

“Is it that bad?”

“It’s always bad.”

“Right,” she said, returning behind her to her desk “I’m gonna buzz you up then.”

“Thank you Trudy,” you told her with a smile “Oh and you look radiant more than ever!”

“Get out of here!”

Returning to Intelligence after so long was an indescribable emotion, you didn’t realize you missed it so much until you came back. The team was there, each of them with their heads on their desks as they worked. “Oh so you pretend to work from time to time.”

You let out a laugh when the others looked up at you, shocked and surprised to see you there. Kim was the first to get up and hold you in a warm hug. “What are you doing here oh my god I can’t believe it!”

“Damn guys I really missed you all” you said with a heart full of joy as you hugged everyone. It was nice to know that the bond that united all of you was still as strong as before.

“We talked three days ago why didn’t you tell me you were coming back!” Kevin asked, an arm around your shoulder as he held you close.

“I wanted to make a surprise.”

You spent the next few minutes talking to your old colleagues but couldn’t help but notice that not everyone was there, Hailey and Jay’s desks were empty. You didn’t know how to feel, whether relieved or not that he wasn’t there and you couldn’t help but wonder how you would react to seeing him, which unfortunately would happen sooner or later.

“Look who’s there,” you heard your old boss’ voice behind you. Hank was standing outside his office, a smile on his face as he watched you talk to the others.

“Sarge,” you greeted him with a smile as he gave you a small hug.

“It’s good to see you kid, how is LA treating you?”.

“It’s amazing, Major Crimes Unit is great…”

“Better than us?” Antonio asked with a raised eyebrow and a sly expression on his face and his arms crossed over his chest.

You let out a chuckle. “No one is better than you guys.”

You kept chatting for the next 10 minutes, updating you on the various changes and news. You didn’t realize how much you missed everyone, even Voight’s constantly irritated expression. It only took a few moments for you to go back to joking and laughing like the old days, as if that time spent away from the team never happened.

But a voice brought you back to reality, that voice. Hearing it after so much time was like getting punched in the stomach and it was incredible how after months it did the exact same effect to you as before and you hated it, you hated this feeling.

You initially didn’t have the courage to turn you head, because you weren’t ready to see him, to look him in the eyes again, those green eyes that had done nothing but torture you even in your dreams in the past months. But you couldn’t help it and the instant your eyes met his there was silence, or so it seemed to you.

The grip in your stomach had become even tighter and you could hardly breathe anymore. In that same instant you realized it. You realized you had not forgotten him how you thought you did, or rather, you hoped, you realized that overwhelming love you felt for him was still there, despite months having passed, despite all the attempts you had tried to move forward.

Jay Halstead was there, more handsome than ever, and nothing had changed, neither the effect he had on you, nor the way he made you feel breathless, how he made your heart beating so hard it seemed to come out of your chest, nor the way he made your knees weak.

His green eyes stared at you wide open in shock, with so much attention because he was afraid this was just a hallucination. Jay froze completely in place as he walked up the stairs and saw you, unable to utter a single word or make any movement. His muscles were paralyzed and although he seemed to be in a trance state, his seemingly ‘calm’ figure and expression didn’t reflect at all how he felt inside him. God, he was pretty sure his heart exploded in his chest.

You were there.

You were really there.

There were so many things he wanted to tell you but his brain had gone totally blank and as he kept staring at you he couldn’t help but realize how fucking much he missed you, how good you looked, fuck, you were so beautiful. He noticed how you changed your hair color, it was darker and shorter to shoulder height. You were also thinner. Weren’t you eating anymore? Was it because of him?

That moment of silence which seemed to last an eternity was broken by Hailey who, as soon as she saw you, immediately ran towards you and hugged you, forcing you to look away from Jay who was still standing there, at a distance, looking at you with a devastated expression on his face.

“Oh my God Y/N I’m so happy you’re here! I missed you” Hailey exclaimed as you too returned her hug, a totally fake smile on your lips.

“It’s so good to see you Hailey, how are you? I missed you too” you answered and she broke away from the embrace, looking at you from head to foot as if to analyze how you are. You were trying not to look at Jay, but it was so hard, especially when you felt his eyes piercing you.

“Tell me you’re back to stay please.”

Your smile faded a little and you shook your head slightly. “Just work…”

“Talking about work,” Voight interjected and you were never so grateful for his interruption “Y/N is here to solve a case which is related to what we are currently working on and therefore there is no time to waste. You want to do the honors kid?” he continued, turning to you.

You nodded and he made room for you to position yourself in front of the whiteboard so that you could look at the whole team. “Thanks Sarge. So… I’ve been with my team on the trail of a serial killer for months now. He attacks by raping and killing women and he has a very specific type, they are all between the age of twenty and thirty, all brunettes with brown eyes and all single and wealthy. He has killed five women so far including the Chicago victim, with undefined time intervals, the first two victims were killed within two months of each other, the last three in the last month and at this rate if not captured, there will be soon another victim and we cannot allow it. This man seems to be a ghost, he left his DNA on all the victims and so far we just know he’s a white man between 30’s and 40’s.”

“He’s not registered, he knows we can’t identify him,” Antonio continued as he read the case file you handed him and you nodded, sighing.

“Have you found any suspects?” Kevin asked.

“No,” you replied, looking up at him. “We found some but the DNAs didn’t match so we released them.”

While everyone was discussing the case Jay couldn’t hear and understand a word of what you were talking about, he was just leaning on his desk, not participating in the conversation in any way, his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes on you. He couldn’t take his eyes off you and god how much he missed the way you talked, gestured, the way you held your hands on your hips or how you ran them through your hair when you were frustrated.

He was still so shocked you were there.

It was as if he was trying to imprint all those little details into his memory he hadn’t had a chance to see during those months. But the truth was Jay hadn’t forgotten a single detail of you, in the last few months his mind had done nothing but go through every single moment he had with you, he hadn’t been able to forget you, to let you go.

As the day went by, working again with the unit turned out to be more and more difficult and the cause was only one. You didn’t know what made you initially think it would be easy to work so closely with Jay, you just knew the longer hours passed, the harder it was to ignore him.

You certainly didn’t notice the glances he sent you, the way he looked at you and in other circumstances you might even have liked it, but at that moment all you wanted to do was run away, lock yourself in your hotel room and cry your eyes out, because the memory of that woman in his apartment was still clear and vivid in your mind.

That same evening you were sitting on your bed, your legs crossed reading all the paper regarding the case scattered on the mattress, when the sound of someone knocking at the door caught your attention. You sighed, not expecting anyone, and got up to open the door.

You expected any human being in front of you, but certainly not Jay. He was standing there in front of you, his hands tucked into his trouser pockets and a totally shattered expression on his face. Your heart skipped a beat and you were ready to shut the door in his face when he snapped it to a halt by placing a hand on it, you from closing it.

“What do you want” you blurted out, irritated, crossing your arms over your chest.

“I need to talk to you…”

“I don’t have anything to say,” you interrupted “Go away now.”

“Y/N I just need five minutes. I know you don’t want to talk to me and you don’t have to, just listen to me… Please” he begged with an expression that almost broke your heart. God you hated so much the effect he still had on you, how he made you feel, but you knew you had to be strong, you didn’t have to give in.

“Don’t you understand when I speak? I don’t want to hear it. Go. Away.” you said in a firm, angry tone, a tone that didn’t reflect at all the storm you felt inside. You didn’t give him time to answer that statement since you closed the door again, this time successfully. You sighed deeply and were about to sit back on the bed when his voice stopped you in your tracks.

“Y/N please I’m begging you! I need to talk to you and explain everything happened! Open the door!”

You didn’t respond, remaining silent as you tried to suppress what your heart was saying and instead think with your head because, fuck, if you had to follow your heart you would have already dived into his arms.

“I know what you think happened but I didn’t cheat on you, I never cheated on you. That morning you came to my apartment… It was my cousin Desirée, she was here in Chicago and she came by to say hello… I swear Y/N, you are the most important thing in my life I would've never done this to you, you have to believe me!”

Your mind was trying to process those words and before you could even understand what you were doing, you had already opened the door again. “What?”

“I didn’t cheat on you, she was my cou-…” you cut him off, completely losing your mind.

“And you’re telling this now?! You made me think for seven months that you were with someone else!”

“I tried to tell you but you blocked me everywhere…”

“Jay don’t try to justify yourself! You had the chance to tell me that same morning but you preferred to be dumbfounded like an idiot!”

“Would have made any difference?!” he exclaimed aloud, walking into your room and closing the door behind him with a thud.

“Yes Jay! Everything would have changed! For fucks sake that morning I came to tell you I wanted to stay, that I was going to refuse the job! You ruined everything!”

Jay was silent for a few seconds and turned away from you before running his hands over his frustrated face. He was aware of this, he just let go the best thing that had ever happened to him and it was only his fault, he didn’t try hard enough to try to make up for it.

“Why didn’t you fight for us? Why did you let me go Jay?”

You had tears in your eyes and it didn’t matter how much you tried to hold them back because you didn’t want him to see you weak. When he turned back to you and saw the devastated look on your face, your eyes red and shiny from tears, it was as if a hundred knives had stabbed him at the same time. He hated seeing you like this and he hated more he was the cause of your suffering.

“I never let you go Y/N, you’re always here,” he murmured, pointing his heart. “Would you have let me fight for you?”

You thought about his question for a second and that silence of yours was the answer. In hindsight probably not, especially since you thought he had cheated on you.

“Maybe we weren’t meant to be together, maybe it’s better it went that way” you mumbled, staring down, unable to look him in the eye. You didn’t even believe those words, dammit, god only knew how bad it hurt you to just say them because, you really thought Jay was your soul mate.

Jay frowned hearing those words of yours. “No, no, no, don't say that...” he hastened to say and in doing so he took a step towards you which was followed bye one of yours too. You wanted to stay away from him, you had no idea how you would react if he touched you or even approached you. Perhaps, you were just afraid to find out because you already knew you would give in immediately.

Jay swallowed the lump in his throat, trying to ignore the tightening in his heart that had caused him to see you walk away from him. “We were meant to be Y/N, you know this, I know this and the whole word knows it!”

“No we weren't Jay! Things would have been different otherwise we would still be together!”

“Why don't you even give me a chance to give it a fucking try!”

“A chance?! Do you listen to yourself when you say this bullshit?! Based on what was I supposed to give you another chance? After seeing you with another woman in your apartment?!” you angrily snapped.

“I told you how things went Y/N for fucks sake! She's my cousin, I would’ve never betrayed you!“

“You betrayed my trust Jay! Now I know she is your cousin but I didn't know then! In these seven months in which I have done nothing but cry for you I didn’t know! Do you have any idea how the fuck it feels?!”

“I'm so sorry…” he said trying to get closer.

“No! Stay away from me!”

Hearing you say those words was more painful than Jay ever expected. He was the person you went to when you were sad and tried to escape from the world, when everything seemed to be a disaster, but now he was the reason of your pain, the person who you ran away from and that made him feel awful, God how painful it was.

“I should've told you before, I shouldn't have left you with this thought all this time and I'm sorry Y/N, you don't know how much... There is no excuse except I'm a dickhead, the last thing I wanted was to make you suffer…” he talked, in a lower and calmer tone of voice.

You let out an ironic chuckle, then quickly wiped away your tears. “Yeah…”

Jay sighed deeply, running a hand through his hair and a few moments of silence passed before he spoke.

“I tried.”

“Tried what?” you asked as you saw him sit on the edge of the bed, his elbows resting on his knees and his head down.

“To talk to you… I came to Los Angeles almost two months after you left. I would have come a lot sooner but I thought it wouldn't be a good idea because you would still be so mad at me and probably would’ve bit my head off, so I tried to give you some time and space, you know, to let you get you through it, get you through anger so when we talked you would be more lucid and maybe we could try to fix things…” he said, your heart pounding as you heard his words “I came at the police department and you were entering right at that moment with a man and you were joking and laughing, obviously you didn't see me so I left…”

It was difficult for you to try to process what Jay had just said. Had he really gone to LA and left right away?

When Jay noticed your silence, he kept talking this time looking into your eyes. “I know I have no right to ask you this but... Is he... Are you with him?”

You almost burst out laughing. “Are you talking about Matt?”

“I don't know his fucking name and please answer me, I need to know.”

“I should do as you did, keep you in the dark and leave you in doubt for months.”

Jay sighed, looking away for few seconds. “Yeah I probably deserve it.”

“Will you leave me alone if I tell you?”

Jay looked at you with his green piercing eyes of his for a moment, a serious expression on his face. “No.”

“What do you mean no?”

He stood up, carefully taking steps towards you. “I mean no Y/N, I won’t give up. I don’t care if he’s your damn friend or boyfriend or whatever the fuck he is, I won’t let you go this time, I’ve already made this huge mistake and it won’t happen again. What we two had, what we two have, we will never have it with anyone else and you know this, you can’t deny it. We are made for each other, we are meant to be.”

“Jay…”

“Tell me you don’t feel the same Y/N, tell me you’ve forgotten me and haven’t thought of me in these months, tell me you don’t love me as much as I love you because I’ve never stopped even for a second. Tell me you don’t feel your heart pounding and goosebumps when you think of me or your stomach in turmoil because that’s exactly what happens to me when I think of you,” he paused, taking another step towards you and shortening the distance between you two “I fucked up, in the worst way and I will spend the rest of my life making up to you. I was an asshole I know, I didn’t support you when you needed it and I made you suffer and, please believe me, I will never forgive myself for this. There was no day I didn’t think about you and what a stupid I was for letting go the one person who ever really made me happy... I’m so sorry baby and I know these are just words in the wind for you because the damage is now done and I cannot go back unfortunately. But I can promise I'll try, I'll do everything to get you back. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me Y/N, I don’t want to be without you, not anymore.”

Jay’s hands were resting on your cheeks but you weren’t able to formulate a single thought that made sense, let alone try to push him away.

“Please don’t cry” he whispered, wiping away your tears you didn’t even realize were running down your cheeks.

Smelling his scent again after so long was an unparalleled sensation and you didn’t even realize how much you missed him, how much you missed having him so close, his hands touching you and how he made you feel this way home and safe. You knew it was wrong, you shouldn’t let them get away with it so easily because only you knew how much you had suffered in those months, but that moment every rational thought was adrift and you couldn’t help but listen to your heart which was screaming his name.

“I can't go on because you are always and constantly in my head, I can’t even look at someone and not think what it would be like if you were with me. I was against long-distance relationships but after being without you and feeling what it means I don’t want to live this ever again, I never want to not have you in my life Y/N again because it was devastating as cheesy and absurd as this sounds. I prefer to live a long distance relationship with you rather than having someone else here it’s not you…” he continued to talk “Please tell me you don’t want me anymore and…”

“I do… I do want you Jay and you know no one will ever be able to take your place but these words will not fix things, I need to know you will be there for real, that you will not get tired of this distance. God knows how much I wouldn’t be able to relive everything I’ve been through in these months again. You said it yourself, Los Angeles is not around the corner…”

“Do you really think after being without you I would let you go again? Did you even hear a word of everything I said?” Jay asked in a joking tone as he continued to stroke your cheeks with his thumbs “I want to be with you and everything that entails, if to get you back I have to do every single day back and forth to LA fuck I'll do it, I’m serious Y/N. I believe in us, what the two of us have is something beautiful and special, I don’t want to give up in any way and I think we can do it if we want and fuck if I want to.”

“I’m scared Jay” you confessed in a low, faint voice. Jay hugged you, without warning, completely taking you by surprise. He held you like he had never done before, with so much force. He didn’t want to let you go, because he was afraid you would leave again, that he would never have a chance to hold you again. He tried to enjoy every single moment and every single second and while his arms were around your body and his nose in your hair as he inhaled deeply that scent he had missed so much, you could no longer hold back the tears and you too found yourself returning that hug, almost taking his breath away.

“I know my love I know,” he murmured, leaving you a small kiss on your forehead before hugging you again and holding you tight “I’m so sorry, I’ll fix it, I’ll do anything for you to forgive me and trust me again, I promise.”

“God I hope this won’t be a mistake.”

Jay suddenly broke away from that hug and looked at you with a huge smile on his lips and his eyes sparkling. “Are you telling me you’re going to give me a chance?”

You tried to ignore the butterflies in your stomach . “I haven’t decided anything yet let’s just… Let’s take things slow. If we have to try again, I want us to start from scratch, all over again.”

“Absolutely, yes, yes, yes! Anything you want,” he mumbled happily, still smiling “So I’ll have to take you on dates at expensive restaurants and buy you new jewelry.”

You let out a giggle and for the first time that day you felt lighter. “Oh you’re gonna regret this, I’ll make you run out of a dime.”

Jay laughed, pulling you back into a hug, one hand resting on the back of your neck as he stroked your hair, the other wrapped around your shoulders. “It will always be worth it,” he murmured. “But you still have to answer my question.”

“What question?”

“Who was that guy?”

“Just one of my many lovers.”

Jay snapped away from the embrace, watching you in total shock. “What?!”

You tried not to laugh, keeping an expression as serious as possible. “Yeah.”

“Y/N. Are you serious?!”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” you asked with a raised eyebrow and arms crossed over your chest. Jay looked at you in silence for a few moments, jealousy already eating him alive.

“Relax he is just a member of my team” you said after a while, rolling your eyes and giggling when you saw him breathe a sigh of relief.

“I was already regretting not killing him when I had the opportunity,” he said and something told you there was a grain of truth in his words. Jay grabbed your wrist and pulled you back to him, placing his hands on your cheeks and looking at you so intently that his eyes alone made your legs feel like jelly. “Fuck don’t do this to me ever again. You’re mine Y/N, only mine.”

If Jay hadn’t kept you on your feet, you would most likely have collapsed to the ground and never regained consciousness. God how did he always have that effect on you? What kind of witchcraft had he done to you?

“This is just the beginning Halstead, I’m planning to take revenge one way or another.”

A small grin appeared on Jay’s lips. “I deserve it, I’ll take every shot promised.”

His fingers continued to caress your face, gently placing a lock of hair behind your ear that had fallen out before his eyes.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” you whispered as he continued fiddling with your fingers with your lock of hair.

“You’re gorgeous,” he said looking at you with so much love and adoration “I love this haircut and the color, they give you a lot.”

You blush, like every time you did when he complimented you.

“Fuck I missed this, I missed you so much” he whispered, hugging you again, and it was amazing how a single hug of yours was enough to make him feel good, to make him feel light-hearted and happier again.

Tag list: @hereforhalstead, @upsteadlovingheart, @stephanie708, @morganupstead, @nevaehstreater18

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Buy me a coffee?

[fartoo-sensitive]

here in the fire

started writing this last night on the way to my bday dinner with my brother and his dad bc for some reason i got sad and was thinking about bo, so...sorry in advance lol also sorry for any possible typos i haven't looked over it yet, but i will when i get home from work tonight, just wanted to post it before i leave :)

word count: 1228

warnings: canon typical violence; major character death; slight canon divergence

character(s): bo sinclair x gn!reader

the realization that something was very wrong came on slowly, then washed over you all at once like a sudden downpour in the middle of a long drought. this flood wasn't desired, though. oh, no no no. this was completely unwanted.

ambrose was quiet at the best of times, but the town's silence now, the desolate way that the streetlamps shone down and the empty gas station made your heart clench painfully in your chest then pick up a frantic rhythm against your ribs. the blown-out glass of a shop front window had you stepping on the gas and accelerating down the road to the house.

you slammed your foot down on the brake when you came up behind the yellow tow truck, bo's truck off to the side at an angle. you didn't even cut the ignition before hopping out of the car and sprinting up the porch to fling the door open.

at first nothing seemed out of place, but when your feet brought you into the kitchen and you found blood, bile in the sink, and a gore-covered arrow on the counter it clicked. someone was hurt. one of your boys was hurt. as you backed out of the room you prayed to all of the gods you no longer had faith in that he was alright.

you turned on your heel and spotted a square of paper on the ground by the pool table. slowly, so slowly, you crept forward and kneeled down to peel it off the ground. turning it over showed you it was just a scrap of paper, bloody fingerprints having run reverently over the tiny faces in the photograph before dropping it to the hardwood.

the picture of the sinclair twins was stuffed absentmindedly into the front pocket of your jeans as you ran back out the front door, barely sparing a glance at the two bodies in the bed of the tow truck as you sped from the yard and down the hill, straight to the house of wax.

it took only seconds to get there, but your mind was screaming as you hunched over in front of the steps, "out of time, out of time, you're out of time." you shook your head, focusing on the sounds coming from behind the doors.

a shout, multiple thuds.

you walked up the steps and shoved the doors open, eyes scanning the room.

the house of wax was being engulfed in flames, trudy and, most importantly, vincent's hard work being snuffed out, into nothing. but that wasn't what had your breath catching in your throat and your heart thudding to a complete stop only to restart at a pace that left your entire soul aching.

bo was laid out on the floor by the staircase, bloodied and smeared, body crumbled. a girl stood above him, a baseball bat clenched in her fists and a manic expression clouding her eyes. the second she saw you the bat fell from her grip.

"carly, look out!"

you hadn't even noticed the man on the ground further into the room, but je seemed to be incapacitated and wasn't your main focus at this point.

a hysterical laugh bubbled up from somewhere deep in your chest when you looked from bo's mangled body up at the girl's face, now drained of color, and for a second you wondered what she saw on your own face.

you didn't realize you had moved until you were already on top of her, knees pinning her arms to her sides and hands tangled in her hair, slamming her head back against the softening wax floor. she screamed and cried, and you could hear the man yelling for her and at you, but it only made your fingernails scrape harder into the flesh of her scalp and your legs dig deeper into her biceps.

"look at me!" you shouted, and you realized then that you were crying. fat drops slipping down the apples of your cheeks to fall onto the dirty tank top the girl was wearing.

she opened her eyes, also full of tears, and mumbled almost-silent pleas.

"how could you? he was one of the only good things that's ever happened to me and you-" your words strangled in your throat. saying it out loud would make it too real, even if the evidence of the fact was not two feet away.

the girl clenched her teeth. "bo was a monster," she snarled. "i saw the high chairs, heard the way he talks to vincent-"

your hands ripped themselves out of her hair and wrapped around her throat. "don't say his name. you know nothing."

"you don't have to do this!" she cried.

you cocked your head to the side, staring down at her, tears still streaming. you smiled, and it was filled with absolute abhorrence. "i do." a hand slipped from her throat and found the handle of the knife you kept in your back pocket. you brought it up and pressed the release, feeling a flood of almost relief when her eyes widened at the sight of the blade.

the first plunge of the knife into her chest was met with two screams, one from the girl and one from her companion, though his was abruptly cut off. you paid him no mind and continued what you had started. the feeling of her blood warming over your hands a new but welcome feeling.

you couldn't say how long you kept on, or how many times you drove the blade into her, but it felt like it had been hours when suddenly a pair of arms wrapped around your middle, one hand taking hold of the hand you held the knife in.

"enough."

the voice was low, gruff, and filled with such an infinite sadness that though you had never heard it before you knew it was vincent even before turning to face him.

the second your eyes met his you dropped the knife and flung yourself away from the girl's body, crawling the small distance to where bo was.

you bowed over him, carefully pulling his irreparably damaged head into your lap and letting your still-falling tears mix with his blood.

"you're okay," you whispered. "everything is going to be okay."

it was becoming stifling in the house of wax, the flames from below licking up the walls and eating the floor, but you couldn't move. you wouldn't. how could you leave bo here?

your hands smoothed over the matted hair on his head. "i love you." it was a choked, broken sob that came from the bottom of your soul. you thought about how you'd never gotten to say those words to him before.

a tugging on your arm pulled your attention away only for a moment, and you made contact with vincent's half-melted mask, his eye shining from behind it frantically. he motioned to the doors.

"i'm not leaving him!"

he made a noise in the back of his throat that sounded half like a whine of despair, half like a sigh of relief, then shifted closer and wrapped his arms around you, one his hands spread out on bo's stomach, clutching his shirt.

you leaned your forehead down against the tacky mess of bo's, and hoped that the gods you had forsaken could find it in themselves to be merciful when you met them.

[ja-lin]

Here’s the rest of the character expressions I gathered together. Lazareth, Quillain, Vinca, and Ripley were potential LIs. I checked and Nero/Koz only had 4 expressions in Darius’ route. Though, I could double check...but I’m pretty sure he didn’t have a surprised, smirk, or blush one.

Nahara didn’t have a smirk or blush in all the other assassin routes, but she did have all the other expressions. The smirk and blush were only in her own route.

Also, the MC has two types of happy expression and two types of blush expression. One is the “OH MY GOD I’M THIRSTY AND NERVOUS AND MC.EXE STOPPED WORKING 5 SECONDS AGO” and the other is a normal blush that’s on top of the smile expression lol...

Quillain is missing a “surprised” expression...but I’ll keep digging for it. I’ve gone through Nahara and Cal routes multiple times already, but he’s wearing a mask in a lot of the scenes. I also didn’t get any heart scenes for Nahara or Cal, so I’m not sure if Quillain has extra screen time. We all know he’s a freakin’ Renzei clone, so I assume his surprised expression is similar. He was a childhood friend of MC, so I assume his route would be similar to Alain and Tyrian.

Bear Ripley actually has a wide range of expressions, also a neutral but I didn’t screen cap it yet. So, she definitely was supposed to be an LI. And, I’m guessing the story would have involved her being a bear a lot as well. 

Trudy...well, ...is Trudy. Trudy, thanks for being yourself.

Trudy: “Like...that’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me!”

[shelby-love]

HANK VOIGHT

Dating the Big Boss.

Requested: yes

Prompts: none

Warning(s): mentions of r*pe and p*dophilia (it's a tough case)

Author's note: I had a lot of fun writing this one. Especially since everyone is a lot older so I could play with maturity a little. Hope you enjoyed and sorry for the long wait! I'm just starting to get back to writing.

~

"What's up with him?" Erin whispered when she saw Voight barge into the unit's personal quarters. Hank didn't look at any of them as he strode into his office with a frown on his face.

He was angry, that's for sure.

Still hot on his tail, your senior detective self arrived right on que with him. Every pair of eyes was on you, knowing that you were the only one who had magic to calm him. You waved your hands, dismissing their burning questions all at once. You just crossed your fingers for them all to see and walked into your lover's office without knocking.

"Hank let's talk about this," You approached him carefully.

"There's nothing to talk about here Y/N."

"Yes, there is." You sat at the edge of his desk casually, although your heart was still racing upon hearing the news delivered to you this morning. "We have a serial rapist and pedophile out there. It's okay to be affected by it honey."

"Well I don't have any leads on this case," He told you strictly, although the anxiety was visible on his shoulders. He had his back turned to you and face focused on the city in front of him. The wheels turning and working in his brain were practically visible for the whole world to see.

"Then maybe we should look into our contacts and see who can help us," You proposed quietly. "This is far from over Hank. We can still turn this around."

You could see him nod, which instantly calmed you down. "Come here."

He, as surprising as it may sound, listened to your words, and walked over to your arms.

He placed his rough hands on your thighs while you ran your hands over his arms soothingly. Eventually your cold hands grasped his face as you gave him a soft look, "Do you want me to brief the team?"

"Thank you," You giggled, still not used to those words leaving his mouth.

The two of you shared a kiss before you left him alone with his thoughts to brief the team. Upon joining them you felt tension rise again, it made you remember what you were meant to do at that moment. "Is he alright?" Erin asked you quietly. You only managed to nod your head before ushering her to her seat.

Then you took a stand in front of them, a file filled with gore pictures secure in your hand. "A few days ago we found a female that was beaten, raped and murdered just outside the Riverwalk area. She was found in a dumpster just outside the Belle Hotel. Roughly 9 years old and unfortunately not the only case."

You spoke with authority that matched Voight's to a certain level. As a senior to all of them it was your job to deliver the details loud and clear. "There have been a few more cases similar to this one. Brody Thompson declared as missing just over a week ago was found two days ago in an area like this one. His left pinky was cut of just like the first victim's..." You placed a picture of a little boy on the board.

"Same MO?" Erin asked, scribbling things vigorously into her notepad. You nodded sadly.

"Are all of the victims children?" Burgess asked from the other side of the room. When you bobbed your head to her in confirmation you could practically see the heartbreak that struck her.

"We believe that we're dealing with a serial rapist and pedophile." You sighed.

"The MO is unique, and it doesn't look like he's been very careful with where he dumps the bodies," Jay notes. "It should be easy to find him since he's bound to make a mistake."

"That's where it gets tricky," You tell him, appreciating his quickness in noticing the details. "These are only cases reported in Chicago within the last few weeks. If we expand the search, which we did, there are dozens of other reported cases all around Ohio, Virginia, Rhode Island and lastly… New York."

A cool cloak of silence fell over the room once you've finished marking the spots. "Some date back to 10 years so we're looking for someone in his early to mid-forties. Maybe even older. Virginia State Police was only able to give us cases within the last 5 years, and we've hit four matches so far."

"Why are they handing the case to us? NYPD should be able to handle this." It was Alvin who had asked that question to which you opened your mouth to answer immediately.

But Hank, your boyfriend and partner, was quicker.

"Because we're the most qualified to do it," He explained, voice booming across the room. He joined your side and placed his hand on your hip; it was that after all, only the members of this very unit knew about you two. "Now, I've pulled out some old contacts from New York. They should be arriving here on the first jet they get their hands on. Until then I want you guys everywhere."

When his gaze slid to yours a twinkle of determination shone within his irises, "Let's get this son of a bitch."

***

"Sargent Benson," you greet the woman that just descended the stairs of the jet. The only people on the tarmac are the two of you and the officers you brought here. "Thank you for coming on a such short notice."

"Voight sounded stressed when he called. Is he alright?" She asked you quietly, matching your footing and walking toward the black SUV next to you.

You shook your head, "This case has been really hard on us is all. It's not every day we have cases like this one."

"Well, our job isn't pretty." She agreed. "Rape cases are already hard on their own."

"But when it's kids…"

"Do you have kids, detective?"

"None that are my own."

"Then I guess you're lucky."

"I suppose so."

***

The drive back to the district wasn't all that comfortable. Benson carried an air of importance around her that would get some rookies sweating with nerves.

Decades in this line of work showed just how good of a match you were for her.

"Hey Trudy," You greeted your friend in passing. Benson was hot on your heels as you lead her upstairs.

Upon reaching your destination you felt her walk straight pass you into Hank's arms. She brushed her hand against the lapels of his jackets when she asked him how he was doing. You felt your chest rise with jealousy but that diminished quickly when you saw him lead her to his office.

"You're not seeing that?"

"Seeing what Jay?"

The younger man narrowed his eyes at you, "She's obviously into him."

You sent him a glare. "We're not kids Jay, we're adults that lived long enough to see what's worthy being petty about and what's not."

"If you say so."

You rolled your eyes, but still went to retrieve your man, nevertheless.

***

You knocked twice before Voight let you in. "Sorry detective, this is a private conversation."

It was Benson who had told you this. You fought an eyebrow that wanted to rise.

"Y/N runs this unit as much as I do," Your boyfriend interfered. "She can stay."

You smiled, that not being able to suppress. "What do you have?"

"A possible location," She told you, still eerie about you being there.

You perked your eyes at that, taking your usual seat in Voight's office. Hank came to stand behind your chair, hands on the back of it. Olivia eyed you quietly and came to retrieve some papers. With her back turned to you both you turned your head, eyes travelling to Voight. Silently, you asked about what was going on. He only shook his head and pressed his hand against your shoulder, rubbing it in comfort.

Olivia saw the interaction and raised her brow.

***

You held your M16 in your hands securely. Officers were bustling all around you, greeting you in passing. The house in front of you looked like a fortress having god knows what protecting it. "We don't go in by force. There are still kids inside."

While the members of your unit nodded in agreement, a few voiced their distaste.

"We go in now. Cut off his ability to retaliate."

"I understand Olivia, but-"

"Sergeant."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm your sergeant. Let's keep it that way."

You gritted your teeth, seemingly offended by the fact that she had used the chain of command to put you in your place.

"My sergeant is Voight. I answer only to him," You corrected her. "I just want those kids to come out of there alive, and that's not going to be possible if we barge in. He'll panic. Kill them instantly."

"Why don't you go in then?" She proposed. "Scope and give us inside information so we can work our way around it. You find the kids and let us do the rest."

You thought about it. "I need –"

"Nothing." Your sergeant appeared by your side, eyes hard and body as still as a rock. Unlike Benson, you could see his anger. You almost reached out to calm him. "You're not doing it."

"This could be our shot." You told him.

He only shook his head, "Trust me it's not. A word, sergeant?"

She nodded and followed him.

You watched as the distance became bigger.

Jay and Adam came to stand next to you, Adam at your right side and Jay at your left.

"Holy hell." Adam muttered.

"She almost got you killed." Jay commented after him.

"Holy hell indeed guys."

***

"Hank I'm trying to do right by these kids!"

"The hell you are," Hank outright yelled at her. As the only person at the scene that had guts to stand up to her, he took the chance to put her in her place. "The way I see it you want Y/N in direct danger with no back up."

She stayed silent.

"You don't get to boss around my unit. Especially not my most trusted detective."

"Oh, come on Hank." She sighed, not quite believing what she was hearing.

"You're here to assist. The case is still mine so don't get ahead of yourself."

And with that, he left her to be.

"We're waiting for him. SWAT is on standby."

You smiled gratefully at him before mouthing a thank you.

***

"You did great today," You complimented him, smiling from ear to ear. All the children that went missing within the last few weeks have been found alive. Wounded yes, but alive. And the man was, much to your satisfaction, shot dead when he tried to run. By none other than yourself. Being able to put down a monster like him brought you satisfaction.

It brought Hank pride too.

He pulled you in by the hip and rested your back against the wall. Chicago was lightly lit up outside, bringing peaceful atmosphere to the district. Your fingers brushed against his rigid jawline; eyes locked with his.

Kisses between you two were shared ever so often at work. While you would both usually leave to the privacy of your home, today was a day you both needed reassurances immediately.

Your lips were pressed together and moving in a way possible for only people with experience.

When someone opened the door without knocking, you pushed him away in fright. Hank didn't even stumble as he narrowed his eyes at the person who had intruded.

"Sergeant Benson?!" You shrieked, cheeks flushing a bright red.

"It all makes sense now." She mused.

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