#oh god travelling is stressful but I made it to by bus despite

[bare1ythere]

I am so very afraid but I am alive

[vhsrights]

A Fast Pass To Love

Pairing: Jemily

Summary: Emily had never been to a theme park, much less Disney Land before. JJ decides to the change that with a week long extravaganza, but some fun things happen on day 1...

WC: 4.7k words

For Mom, Mama, and the rest of the kids of the wack house. (i love all yall) @dykejareau @prentitss @dragisthegame @bridget19 @jay-writes-jemily @ssa-urnansironingboard

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“Emily, the first rule of theme parks is to wear comfortable shoes and no short shorts. You’re going to get a sunburn.” JJ sat on the bed, watching her towel-laden girlfriend look through her suitcase.

“But these ones make me look cute. Fine, I guess I’ll just have to wear these ripped jeans and my green flannel with the graphic tee. Are you all ready?” Emily finished rifling through her things and slipped into the bathroom.

“Yeah, I’m all dressed. I just need to put on my mascara, hat, and shoes. We still have like 20 minutes before we leave, so just go according to that.” JJ tugged at her watch and moved to the edge of the bed, leaning towards the wall mirror to apply her mascara.

Emily spends little time in the bathroom, zipping through her routine and deftly putting on her clothes. She washed her face and put on moisturizer before throwing open the door and reentering the quaint bedroom. Their room had a view of the buzzing city below but was drab with bland walls and sparse artwork. A king bed decorated the middle of the room positioned directly opposite the magnanimous flat screen. The room may have been drab, but its accessories all but made up for it.

“Your mascara face is cute,” Emily announced, watching her girlfriend carefully apply the product, her lips just barely parted.

“Oh, really?” JJ finished her left side and paused, turning to look back at the brunette. She grinned at the devilish smile on her girlfriend’s face and faced the mirror once more.

“Yeah, I think you should do it more often.” JJ looked at Emily through the mirror and playfully rolled her eyes. She then felt the bed sink under Emily’s weight as the brunette climbed on from the other side.

Emily inched forward, careful to not disrupt JJ’s mascara. She knew from experience that it was not a good choice. Coming up behind the blonde, Emily snaked her hands around JJ’s waist. She set her head gingerly on JJ’s shoulder, beaming at their reflection. This trip was a first for her and she couldn’t think of anyone better to do it with. After another minute, JJ brought the tube down, carefully sealing it and setting it off to the side. She leaned back against Emily and placed her own hands on top of hers. “Babe, come on. I’m done. Are you all set with the backpacks and stuff?” She spoke quietly, relaxing into Emily’s embrace. No matter the time, she always found sanctuary in the brunette’s arms.

“But how about, we just sit here? I don’t want to move.” Emily fake pouted.

“Sure, if you want to miss the water rides and all of the food shops,” JJ answered calmly, knowing that Emily simply needed a little incentive to get moving.

“Oh, never mind. Let’s go. I think everything is packed. Here, I have the list so we can go over it.” Emily fished around in her pocket for a quick second before pulling out a neatly folded piece of lined paper.

JJ chuckled and moved to grab the dark backpack from the edge of the bed. Grabbing its zippers, she opened it quickly and waited expectantly for Emily. The brunette muttered the first part of the list as she quietly checked with herself for the things that she was responsible for.

“Okay, I have all of the snacks and the water. Do you have the medkit, the socks, the fresh shirt and pants for us both, and sunscreen?” She repeated each item slowly, double-checking with the blonde. The method was tried and true, and once they’d gotten through it all, they were out the door.

————————————————————

“Never? You’ve got to be kidding. There’s no way. It’s not possible.” JJ sat on the carpet on top of her folded legs. She had an incredulous look, not understanding how what Emily was saying could be true.

“Nope. I’m serious, never. Mother just was never the kind for theme parks. Plus, she always had a stick up her ass so because she didn’t want to go, I couldn’t either. She would just find extra lessons to stick me in.” Emily sipped her dry, red wine.

“It was odd never knowing what got kids so excited at theme parks. I mean, what’s so cool about waiting in line for hours on end just to be thrown around in a metal car?”  

“Oh. My. God. I cannot believe you! That’s it. You, Emily Prentiss, are coming with me on a trip to Disney World. We are doing a full week-long trip so that you can see the magic that so many kids that go there, love. I used to go there on school trips and once with my grandparents. It’ll be perfect.” JJ turned back to her wine, missing the love that was so apparent in Emily’s expression.

“Perfect, just like you?” Emily couldn’t stop herself from the sappy comment. She was tipsy and over the moon in love with JJ.

“Yes, you sap. You really are a hopeless romantic. Pen was right.”

“Of course she was. Pen is the “All-Knowing Goddess” and she never fails to live up to it.”

“You know that I like you very much, right?”

“Always, I’m irresistible.”

“Oh my god, no, you’re insufferable.”

“You love that about me.”

“Got me there.”

————————————————————

The bus ride was turbulent but neither minded. Emily was jittery with excitement and JJ was calmly seated. The brunette had the map to the area that they were visiting in her hands. To her, it looked like someone had drawn spaghetti and put random locations for things on it. But, despite her struggle, Emily refused to ask for help. It was a pride thing. That, and she had told JJ she could do it. She couldn’t go back on her word now. Watching Emily’s internal struggle was amusing for JJ, knowing that the woman would never be able to figure out the map.

“Ah, Magic Kingdom. This is our stop, Jen,” Emily stated boldly with hopes that JJ couldn’t tell that she had no idea where to go next.

“Alrighty, Map Master, where to next?” JJ raised her eyebrows at Emily as they stepped off the shuttle. This is going to be interesting.

“Uh, we can take a left here and go to the Hulk part. Wait, no, that would be a right. Hold on, I know what I’m doing.” Emily’s eyebrows furrowed as she tried to make sense of the winding paths on the page in front of her.

“Sure you do. Take all the time you need.” JJ stood by her, arms folded in amusement.

“Okay, follow me.” Emily faked her confidence, starting off in the left direction. She silently prayed that wherever they ended up was somewhat decent.

After nearly an hour, neither the Hulk ride nor the other options that she had suggested were visible. They had wandered up to the Adventureland area, currently standing in front of what looked like the show’s bar.  They had managed to stop by a couple of the drinks stands and buy things there, but the rides that Emily had wanted were nowhere to be found.

“Do you want my help?” JJ finally chipped in, ready to let Emily stop stressing over the godforsaken map.

“No!” Emily answered immediately, but instantly remembered that she was getting them nowhere. She followed up with another answer, this time more quiet. “Yeah. But only because this stupid map is super confusing and whoever designed it needs to take a map drawing class.”

JJ chuckled and took the reins. From there, they walked for a few short minutes before arriving at the ride that Emily had been searching for. She had just missed the pathway and taken a wrong turn. The blonde beamed over at her girlfriend, who playfully rolled her eyes.

Weaving through the crowds of people seemed much easier with JJ in the lead. They made their way through several rides, including Splash Mountain. The subsequent gift stores that they visited were very attractive as well. Emily and JJ were not immune to their charms, buying a Stitch plushie that both felt was perfect. Its soft, fuzzy texture and inviting look made it exactly what they wanted. Emily even had the thought that they could pass it down to their kids. It would be a memento for the day, one that she knew she would never forget.

————————————————————

JJ and Emily came up to a small area in front of the castle. Emily��s stomach had growled about three times in the past 30 minutes and they still hadn’t gotten any food. She hadn’t eaten more snacks because JJ had asked her to wait for the Dole Whip that she wanted to try. JJ, on the other hand, was tired. She hadn’t done the whole theme park shebang in years, forgetting the physical toll it took.

She let out a deep sigh, pausing to lean against the partition. A few steps in front of them, two Disney princesses were having a lively conversation. Cinderella, who was a bit taller than Belle, was blushing at whatever the other princess had just told her. Their giggles barely reached Emily and JJ’s ears. Emily smiled at the lighthearted demeanor of the women. They weren’t currently in character, but their costumes and attitude alone were enough to make the Disney World experience magical for children.

Cinderella looked over Belle’s shoulder and caught Emily’s eye. The woman beamed and waved. The gleeful energy radiated off of her. Belle turned around upon seeing what Cinderella was doing. She also waved at the couple, getting a nonchalant wave from JJ and Emily.

JJ pulled out her phone, looking up if the restaurant she had wanted to go to for dinner was still open. The sun’s rays beat down on the couple but JJ and Emily had learned to weather it after years of travel. As she was scrolling to find the link to their website, Emily and JJ heard a squeal in their vicinity. Both of their heads jerked upwards, searching for the source of the outburst.

Their eyes landed on a child that looked roughly 7 years old, dressed in a Belle costume that was similar to the princess that was standing next to them. Poofy fabric and dazzling sequins made the little kid’s gown look extravagant. The petticoat twinkled and flew back against the air as the young princess made their way up to the adult Belle. JJ and Emily didn’t realize what had happened until the princess tugged on the older Belle’s dress, head tilted back to showcase eyes full of wonder.

“You look just like me! I’m princess Belle.” Their voice was high-pitched, sounding almost like an animation in real life. “Mama, look! It’s princess Belle! We look the same!”

The child turned back to talk to a group of people. Emily and JJ’s eyes followed the young princess’ and saw a small group of people. Two women stood close together, the taller one’s arm placed on the other shoulder. On their right, a child had one of the women’s hands in her grasp. She looked between both Belle’s, excitement apparent in her expression, their mouth forming a little “O”. They were dressed as Rapunzel, the light and shimmery purple of the dress popping against their darker, red hair. Accent spots of gold were scattered around the costume, shining amidst the entire ensemble.

The women were not in costume, but their outfits were nonetheless stylish. The taller woman had on a light beige shirt, its sweater-like fabric tucked into light-wash blue jeans that were ripped at the knees. The ensemble was completed with a dark leather jacket that was sleek, not having many embellishments. Beside her, the woman that was holding Rapunzel’s hand was in a sundress. Its material was light and flowy. Patterned lavender flower bouquets were spread across the dress. It had a deep neckline, offset by the floppy sun hat on her head.

Seeing those women and children made JJ’s heart soar. They were exactly what she had pictured in her head of Emily and herself, far off in the future. Getting a glimpse of what that life held for them was overwhelming. In one sweeping motion, the blonde turned Emily’s head to the side and kissed her. Her other hand laid on the brunette’s waist, pulling her closer so that she might never have to let go. When they eventually pulled apart, Emily looked at her with amazement. She didn’t know what had given JJ the sudden need to kiss her, but she wasn’t mad about it.

“Any reason for that kiss, milady?” Emily added the joking lilt to her voice, hoping to understand what had overcome her girlfriend.

“Just, that you’re perfect. Also, those kids, they remind me of what I want our life to be like. Not now, but later in the future. It’s just everything I imagined, and I can’t wait for us to be there.” JJ’s eyes were wide and doe-like, melting Emily’s heart on the spot. She brought her hand up to rest on JJ’s cheek, her thumb brushing against it lightly.

“OH MY GOD. YOU CAN LIKE PRINCESSES TOO?” The women all but jolted up when the shrill voice broke through their bubble.

They turned to the origin of the sound, eyes once again falling on the miniature Belle. Their finger was pointed at the couple. A dazzling smile sat on their face, the jubilation barely containable. Emily recovered from the shock and realized what was going on first. She knelt down, making eye contact with the child.

“Of course you can. You like princesses, princes, kings, queens; whatever you want. Look, you see her?” Emily pointed back at JJ, waiting for the little princess to nod. “I really like her, and she happens to be my queen.”  She watched the child’s eyebrows raise, laughing softly at their mirth.

“Wait, can I tell you a secret?” She leaned in as did the kid, their ear tilted towards Emily.

“Well, actually the thing is, I love her and I’m gonna tell her tonight. What do you think? Is it a good idea?” Emily smiled while the thought of telling JJ she loved her filled her with warmth.

The young princess stood back up, switching glances between JJ and Emily. They noticed the way that JJ looked at Emily. Even if the brunette couldn’t see her girlfriend, JJ looked at her like she held the world in her hands. Luca, the child, started jumping up and down.

“Yes! Yes! Do it! Do it!” Enthused, Luca turned to the grownup Belle. They switched glances from Cinderella to Belle, deciding whether or not to ask the question on their mind. “Is she your princess too?”

Luca pointed to Cinderella, asking Belle. The woman in the leather jacket took a couple of steps forward, reducing the distance between herself and Luca. She placed her hand on the kid’s shoulder and looked over at the women gratefully. Emily giggled and so did JJ. Belle, shifting her eyes from Cinderella to Luca and her mother, snapped back into character to answer the question.

“Why yes, she is. We have our own castles too, so whenever we can go to see the Fairy Godmother and the Beast whenever we want! You have to admit, she’s pretty cute too.” The princess snuck a glance back at their girlfriend, excitedly spinning the tail of their “fairytale romance”.

Luca gasped, their expressions amusing everyone around them once more. However, this time they turned all the way around to face the other woman and little kid. Stopping to think for a second, Luca rested their head in their hand. Coming to the conclusion that they wanted, Luca beamed and pointed at the little Rapunzel. Everyone’s eyes followed their finger.

“B! B! B! You’re Rapunzel and I’m Belle! You’re a princess and I love you!” The child that had hung back’s face lit up with the statement.

“Oh my god! We are! I love you too!” The young princess was practically shouting across the short distance between them and Luca.

The words sounded funky because of the slight Irish twang that pervaded her accent but melted everyone’s hearts regardless. Wasting no more time, B broke out into a sprint towards Luca who did the same. They collided mere seconds later, wrapped in the tight hug. Around them, “Mama” returned back to the other woman. Both children stood wrapped in each other’s arms, delighted at the realization that they had come to. It was the innocence and naivety that made that moment so much more beautiful.

After nearly a minute, B and Luca let go and looked back at the two women that they had come with. Emily and JJ noticed their stance, for example, how the woman in the sundress so slightly leaned into the other’s hold. They watched the way that “Mama” looked at her, noticing the softness that couldn’t be categorized as anything but love in her eyes. They caught on to the way that the couple’s hands linked, their fingers entwined behind their backs, almost as if to hide it.

During those moments, JJ and Emily didn’t notice the two children walking up to them. The couple only broke their gaze when Emily felt a light tug on her flannel. Looking down, she saw B and Luca standing with their hands joined together. Wondering what else the children had to say, she playfully raised her eyebrows to nonverbally ask them to talk.

“My name is Luca, and this is B, my princess. They’re really pretty and I love them a lot. I think you’re really cool and that you should hang out with us sometime. Bring her too.” Luca spoke and pointed at JJ as they finished their sentence.

The two adults joined the children, smiling.

“I guess since Luca and B have already made their introductions, we should as well. I’m Lauren and this is my friend Hannah. Luca is my kid and B is theirs.” The woman in the leather jacket looked down at Luca and B, and then over to Hannah.

“I’m Emily and this is my girlfriend, JJ. It was nice to meet you. You as well, B and Luca. Maybe, we can hang out the next time we meet. Enjoy your trip princesses.”

With that the 6 people parted, leaving Belle and Cinderella back at their post. Emily and JJ made their way to get Dole Whip. They made a few pit stops along the way, picking up souvenirs that were just tacky enough. It started when Emily caught JJ trying on a pair of rainbow Mickey Mouse Ears. She admired her girlfriend from afar, watching her admire the way the headband sat on top of her blonde hair. Emily walked up behind JJ and wrapped her arms around her waist.

“I am so buying you that. You look so cute.”

“Only if you get one too. We have to be matching or Pen won’t let you hear the end of it.”

“I guess you’re right. I would look good in that. You think she’d let it slide if we got her something too?”

“She might, but I wouldn’t,” JJ smirked at their reflections.

“Okay, okay. How about I get us some shot glasses and these and we call it even”

“Deal.” Emily picked up the shot glasses, with decorations and prices that reminded them that they were having the time of their life in Disney World.

Now, with their Stitch plushie, shot glasses, and rainbow headbands, JJ and Emily looked like proper tourists. Emily usually preferred to blend in with the locals and stay low. The more untraceable, the better for her. But somehow, standing JJ in their themed gear and countless souvenirs, the memories seemed worth it. She had her arm pulled tightly around JJ’s waist, feeling the blonde’s body heat against her own.

The sun had begun to set. It left the sky painted with several different shades and tints of pink and orange; the blue having faded away in the last hour. Each color created a mosaic-like glow down on the people as they prepared for the fireworks. JJ had raved about the fireworks show since that first night that Emily had confessed of her inexperience. The brunette was still slightly hesitant but decided that if JJ loved it, then it was good for her too. She pressed a soft kiss into JJ’s hairline as they weaved through the crowds of people to find a good spot for the show.

The last of the sunset passed rather quickly, leaving the crowds under the luminescence of the park’s decor. The rides that they had wanted to go on were already over, so this was the last thing on the first day’s itinerary. Emily was just about to ask JJ when they should expect the show to start when an employee in a decorated, Disney jacket approached the crowd with a megaphone. They spoke loudly and clearly, reciting memorized instructions on the show that was to begin in 2 minutes and the manners that the crowd had to use for it.

Promptly as announced, the fireworks began in 2 minutes. The display was gorgeous. Each little buildup created a unique pattern of firework in the sky. Emily found her attention captured, the magnificence making her heart glow. Everything around her was too much. She felt overwhelmed with love and remembered the secret that she had told Luca. It was now or never.

“Hey, Jen?” She felt the blonde’s weight shift from where she was, tightly tucked into Emily’s body.

“Yeah?” Emily’s neck tickled with the puff of air from JJ’s words.

“Today was perfect. Every day, actually, is perfect with you. I don’t know how you do it, but you make the world seem magical. Everywhere I look, I see something beautiful, and with our jobs, I didn’t even think that was possible. Being with you, made me realize that the world is good and can be good. It made me want to be good, better actually, just for you. So I guess, what I’m trying to say is that I love you. I love you and everything about you. You opened my eyes, Jen. I don’t think I’ll ever have the words to thank you enough for it.”

JJ held back tears at Emily’s words. The pure emotion that she heard in the woman’s voice was enough alone to make her sob. Her heart felt like it was glowing. Emily had that effect on her since they had met. Being here, standing by her side felt surreal. They were at Disney World, arguably the “most magical place on Earth”, but JJ thought differently. To her, anywhere by Emily instantly became enchanting. She didn’t waste a second in replying.

“I love you too, Emily. You were one of the best things that ever happened to me. I could shout it from the rooftops, but fireworks at Disney World work too.” JJ smirked and hugged Emily tighter. “I had dinner reservations at a restaurant that I came to as a kid for after this. Are you up for it? I just think that it would be a nice way to end today.”

“Of course. I was going to suggest take out for dinner, but that sounds so much better. We can head out as soon as the show is over.” Emily answered her and then turned her head to look up at the illustrious show once more.

They stayed for the show, even clapping when the fireworks subsided and denoted the end of the program. JJ and Emily sauntered through the flow of people, looking for an exit. On the way there, Emily stopped them in front of the magnanimous tree. Its decorations shined strongly against the dark, night sky, twinkling almost as brightly as the stars. Placing JJ strategically against the fence, she snapped a few photos. Jumping when she felt a light tap against her shoulder, Emily turned to see Hannah’s wide smile. They gestured for her phone, asking if Emily wanted a picture of the couple.

“Why don’t you hop in there next to her? I can take the picture of the two of you.” Emily obliged them, taking quick strides to join her girlfriend’s side. Their smiles were radiant.

Only two pictures had been taken before purple and yellow things ran out from behind Hannah. The couple didn’t realize what was happening until JJ nearly doubled over with the force that collided into her side. She looked down to see B, and the kid was clinging to her shirt. JJ didn’t have time to respond before the same thing happened to Emily. Luca had made their way to surround the brunette. Both kids had a mischievous smile on their faces, adoration in their eyes.

“Oh, I am so sorry. Kids, come back here. Let these two lovely ladies have their pictures.” Lauren’s voice rang out from behind her friend.

“No, it’s okay, let them stay. After all, we have to take pictures with the princesses in Disney World. Come in close for the picture guys!” JJ laughed and responded, earning delighted agreement from B, Luca, and Emily.

“You two are too kind.” Hannah shook their head and readjusted the phone’s camera angle.

The family took their leave of JJ and Emily, leaving the happy couple smiling as they made their way out of the theme park. The journey to their car was long, but it felt like two minutes to the women as they talked about their adventures of the day. It was a sweet resolution to a long day of fun. Arriving at Rigatello’s right on time, JJ and Emily were seated with haste.

JJ was buzzing with the high of their confession, grasping Emily’s hand tightly. Her mind was zipping with memories that they had made today. She had come to this theme park as a kid, and Emily had rejuvenated that childhood passion that she had for places like it. It reminded her of the fun that she used to have with Roslyn. All that confirmed was that Emily was perfect for her, through and through. Emily couldn’t keep her eyes off of JJ. The baby blues were reminders of how JJ was changing her view on the world, one step at a time. The blonde was the key to her future, and maybe one day they could have kids just like B and Luca. The thought of their own children was exhilarating to Emily, knowing that she had almost given up the hope of motherhood before JJ. Those kids were goofs, but so cute. We are definitely making yearly trips to Disney with our own, and maybe I’ll be able to convince JJ to dress up with them.

The couple was making light conversation when a short, stockier waiter approached their table. Their face was lit up and animated, the enthusiasm apparent in the waiter’s words. Taking a good look at JJ and Emily, Pablo, as the waiter had introduced herself, immediately began listing off items that they believed the pair would like. The interaction was short and lively, Pablo off soon to get their waters. Not a few minutes had passed before they returned once more, however they had some extra beyond what JJ had ordered.

“Don’t worry, it’s on the house. You two deserve it. Y’all are a beautiful couple. Thank you for coming to Rigatello’s. Now, do you know what you want to order?”

“I’ll have the beef cannelloni and she’ll have the chicken scampi? Yeah, one chicken scampi for her.” Emily gave out their orders and soon they were left alone again.

The food was decadent and the wine, which they learned was a house specialty later, was rich and smooth. JJ and Emily talked about kids, what Emily loved about the day, and the future. That day had been their first day of seven, and Emily had already fallen in love with Disney World. They left great compliments with the waiter and went on to their hotel. The women dragged themselves into bed after changing into their pajamas. Both were asleep within seconds of their heads hitting the pillow, arms wrapped tightly around each other.

[gumnut-logic]

John Tracy hated taking public transport.

He hated the cramped seats, the invasion of his personal space, the fact the bus stopped every few minutes to pick up more passengers and the noise.

It was stressful, annoying and far too full of people.

But the astrolabs were too far from the dorm to hike it or bike it, so bus it was.

He mapped out the most direct route, left early to avoid the crowds and handled it the best he could. Earphones helped and he never travelled without his tablet and a network connection.

He made do.

He made do for over a year. Every morning and every night.

The work was fascinating and he thoroughly enjoyed it. He considered getting a car, but it wasn’t practical and parking was non-existent, so he stuck with the bus.

Despite the fact he hated it.

Every trip he buried himself in his own world whether it be his work, research, a good book or even a movie. He shut the world out and more importantly anyone who sat next to him.

Sometimes this was not possible.

Because sometimes they spoke to him.

John had been brought up polite. His grandmother would have slapped his wrist if she found out he was ignoring people. So, he always replied. Often concisely, but always watching his manners.

That often opened the floodgates. Because if there was anything common between big cities it was the people who were lost in them, desperately alone in a sea of faces.

John liked being alone to a certain extent, but he was blessed with a close and large family.

Some people had no one.

So, ever so reluctantly, he found himself answering their call for help.

The first was Mrs Bucklin. She was a tiny woman, well dressed, but slightly scented with mothballs as if her clothes hadn’t been out of the closet in a long time.

She sat right beside him and immediately enquired as to what he was doing.

At the time he was coding a new game and her sharp voice startled him enough for his fingers to slip and enter a chain of commands he had not intended. He would have sworn if he was alone, but the program righted itself and the new commands, instead of corrupting and crashing the function, actually appeared to improve it. He frowned and hastily input some bridging structures so the code wouldn’t fragment, idly wondering if the error would improve the game, ruin it, have him need to rewrite the whole section or be the spark that would initiate sentience.

Great, his tablet would rise up and eat him while he was distracted by a random bus passenger.

She did apologise and he did reassure her that it was all okay in the hope she would let him be.

She didn’t.

He learnt she had three cats, a niece in another country (he didn’t gather which because the woman’s pronunciation defied translation), that she had lost her son in the Global Conflict, she liked his hair (that was a first) and that he looked like an intelligent young man.

He acknowledged her quietly and politely as he eyed his code and the results of an initial compile test. How did it do that?

Her cats were named Scottie, Gordy and Allie.

He did blink at that, but didn’t comment.

Eventually, she said goodbye and got off the bus at her stop.

He would have forgotten about her, except she sat next to him the next day and the day after that.

Apparently, this was her route to work, and he was such a polite young man.

Three weeks later she admitted he made her feel safe just by being there. She had been mugged three times in her life and public transport was as much a bane for her as it was for him.

He actively kept an eye out for her after that.

Gus was a different matter.

Gus didn’t have a home and he often rode the bus just for the air conditioning and comfort.

He sat on the other side of the walkway to John. He didn’t say much and would likely have never said anything if it hadn’t been for the gang of boys who decided to throw verbal potshots at him one day.

John had had an all-nighter with exams coming up, so he was cranky. His latest project had stalled – the same game he had been tackling when Mrs Bucklin had startled him. The core of the program had become a little unpredictable and he couldn’t work out why.

So, when a group of teenagers crawled to the back of the bus and started needling a fellow passenger, it was not only a situation where the innocent man appeared to need a bit of a rescue, but it also pissed John off.

There were four of them. Teenagers flocked in groups apparently. He’d never been one for that formation himself, but he knew of them, had encountered them and Virgil had kicked a few of their asses for him.

John was in college now.

He could kick his own fair share of ass quite happily.

“Leave the man alone, or I will call the police.” He raised his voice, but not his head, transmitting all the body language of how beneath his notice they were and how he might respond if they didn’t comply.

“Mind your own business, kook!”

There was always a brave one amongst the group, usually the ringleader, the head dickhead.

At least they were only teenagers.

This time he did look up and put all that communication theory into the coldest stare possible. “Excuse me?”

All four of them froze. Hell, they couldn’t be older than fifteen, somewhere between Gordy and Alan. If either of his brothers acted like this, there were three older brothers who would quite firmly re-educate them on proper conduct.

Not that he thought either of his younger brothers would do such a thing.

In any case, all four of them stared at him wide-eyed. The eldest swore and climbed out of his seat just as the bus pulled up at the next stop. He snarled at John as he stalked past, spitting profanities. His cohorts followed and they climbed off the bus.

It was lovely and quiet after that and John went back to tackling his misbehaving program.

“Thank you, sir.”

John blinked up at the unkempt man who had been the centre of the teenagers’ torment.

A small smile. “You’re welcome.”

Was this variable being changed by the program itself? How the hell could it do that?

He didn’t fail to notice after that incident that Gus, as he introduced himself the next time they met, always sat near John on his rides, morning or evening.

John met other people. Mrs Magarey and her three young children always needed a hand with her pram. John sometimes took advantage of this and stuck the pram in the footwell of the seat next to him so no-one could sit there.

That made Mrs Bucklin sit behind him and whisper her stories in his ear.

He wasn’t sure if he was comfortable with that either.

Two other students from his faculty took the same bus as well. Ridley was in the year behind him and always had a friend on the phone. She chattered a lot and he learnt to tune her out.

Well, until the day he boarded the bus and found her crying into her tablet.

She had lost her entire thesis in a computer crash. He was polite. He enquired and she answered, staring up at him as if she had never seen him before. Which was entirely possible. John didn’t like to draw attention to himself.

He accompanied her off the bus that day and delved into her damaged computer. He dug up her thesis and she gushed all over him, even crying into his sweater.

He hugged her awkwardly and wished her all the best.

After that, she always said hello and had a smile for him.

John smiled back, but his program was still not behaving. It acted as if it had a mind of its own and it was very distracting.

Mrs Bucklin said it sounded like cat number two, Gordy. Never behaving, but always loveable.

John stared at her when she said that, and wondered if she knew more than she was letting on.

The day Virgil landed in the seat beside him on the way to the labs startled him enough to drop his tablet.

“Hey, Johnny.”

He fumbled between the seats for the device. “Don’t call me Johnny.”

“Sorry.” But he could tell Virgil was anything but.

His fingers touched the cool metal of his tablet and he scrabbled for it. “What are you doing here?”

“Can’t a brother drop in on his brother to see how he is doing?”

John eyed him. If it was Scott sitting next to him or Gordon, he might have been suspicious of any double meaning his brother might be communicating. But this was Virgil and although the engineer had a sense of humour that could cut when necessary, this wasn’t his style.

“I guess he can. But why the bus?”

Virgil shrugged. “Didn’t catch you early enough. Barely caught the bus behind you. I thought your classes didn’t start until later.”

“They don’t.”

“Then why are you up so early?”

It was John’s turn to shrug. “Just avoiding the crowds, I guess.”

Virgil eyed him with a slightly worried frown.

“And who is this lovely young man who has taken my seat?”

Oh god.

Virgil stared up at Mrs Bucklin as she bustled in to sit behind them.

An internal sigh. “Mrs Bucklin, this is my brother Virgil.”

“Your brother?” She eyed Virgil as if inspecting him for sale. “Doesn’t look like you at all. Where’s the red hair?”

Virgil arched a dark eyebrow.

“Nevertheless, Mrs Bucklin, Virgil is my older brother.”

“Then how come we haven’t met before? You’ve been travelling this route for a year now and we haven’t seen hide or hair of him.” She continued to glare at Virgil as if he was a threat.

Virgil was shifting in his seat, his expression decidedly wary.

“Virgil has been assisting my father on a project. He’s an engineer. I’m unsure what he is doing here right now.”

“Hmph, well, in my opinion, he should have been here earlier.” She addressed Virgil directly. “Did you know your sweet little brother has been a bastion of this bus route, defending and assisting all?”

What?

John’s head shot up. “Mrs Bucklin-“

“Don’t you go all humble pie on me, young man. I saw what you did to those teenagers and how you help young Mollie every week. That girl is going to work herself into an early grave. And poor Gus, you’ve given him a new reason to try. Did you know he has enrolled himself in a course? Got himself a grant from the government and everything. Got help from that employment assistance group. Not to mention that doe-eyed young student who stares at you with love hearts floating about her head. I don’t know what you did for her, but I have no doubt she would do anything for you if you asked.” She turned back to Virgil, accusation in her eyes. “Why haven’t you been looking after your brother?”

Virgil’s wide eyes darted between John and the older woman.

John had no idea what to say.

“Well?” Mrs Bucklin’s glare was determined.

“Ah-“

“Is this man harassing you?”

John looked up to see Gus looming over Virgil.

You know, the Virgil who lifted weights that weighed more than his brothers on a daily basis.

John frowned. Gus had a new coat on and was looking much healthier than the last time he paid attention. “No, Gus. This is my older brother Virgil.”

And Virgil was subjected to another staring glare. “Doesn’t look like your brother.”

What?!

“I can assure you that he is indeed my caring older brother and he is not neglecting me in any way.”

Gus grunted, still glaring at Virgil. He nodded in John’s direction. “Make sure he eats more. He’s too skinny.”

That started Mrs Bucklin off again. “My goodness, yes. John you do not eat enough. Have you tried any of those recipes I recommended?”

Gus was still eyeing Virgil.

Virgil appeared to be regretting several recent life choices.

“I’m fine, Mrs Bucklin.” He raised his hands. “And both of you, Virgil is not responsible for my wellbeing.”

His tablet beeped. A glance and he found a text message from Ridley. You okay over there?

He looked up and found her at the other end of the bus staring back at him worriedly.

A sigh.

A flick of his fingers. I’m fine.

He turned back to Virgil who was literally cornered, only for his tablet to chime again.

 You free tonight?

Oh, for the love of-

“Guys, Virgil is my big brother. He looks after me. He cares. I’m fine. He’s here for a visit. I don’t know why yet. Stop glaring at him.”

Gus grunted again and wandered off to his seat. He didn’t stop eyeing John’s brother for a second.

Mrs Bucklin let off a slightly miffed sound before leaning back in her seat. “He better. Or I have a mind to bring Scottie with me next time. Or maybe Gordy. To teach him a lesson.”

What the hell?

“No need, Mrs Bucklin. I assure you.”

Virgil was staring at John as if he wasn’t sure what planet he was on.

John sighed.

Yeah, he hated public transport.

It was stressful, annoying and far too full of people.

His tablet pinged again. This time it was the program he was working on. It was claiming it was dawn despite the fact the sun had risen an hour ago. He let out an exasperated hiss.

Virgil was still staring at him.

Damn public transport.

-o-o-o-

FIN.

[propertyofnikkisthighs]

Sure Feels Right Ch. 10

Taglist: @hllywdwhre, @xxkellsvixen19xx, @desdestiny, @lain-ee, @crystalbaby12, @lovemythsworld, @hxllywood-whxre, @creatureofthen1ght-v3, @stellaxrosa, @purplecrayonflower, @leanimal90

Note: This may be the last chapter of this fic. I’m not sure where else to take it tbh and I have other stuff I wanna write for as well

Warnings: Smutttt

The bus was surrounded by screaming fans and Lux was almost fearful of them knocking it over with how roudy the crowd was becoming.

“I just want you to know that I could kill you both for the amount of anxiety you’re putting me under with this bus situation.” Lux glared at the two boys excitedly bouncing around the bus and getting the fans more riled up through the windows.

“This is fooking MENTAL” Dom screamed shaking her shoulders.

“Yeah Lux, loosen up!” Colson bounced up to her and ruffled her hair. As childish as it was Lux couldn’t stop the smile spreading across her face from the small act. Colson was always more childlike and chaotic when Dom was around, but it made for a good time for everybody else involved.

The two boys didn’t wait long to hear her complain any further and they opened the door to the insane crowd. She had no idea how they managed it, but they climbed up the door and to the roof of the bus.

“The fact we are still able to rent these buses is truly a miracle” Rook laughed and pressed a kiss to the side of her head.

“Come on we have to get inside to watch the performance” He made his way skillfully through the crowd only getting stopped a few times by some of the people. She followed not too far behind him and they stood near the bar watching Colson and Dom get the fans to scream the lyrics to “I Think I’m OKAY” from on top of the bus. Just as she was about to wonder out loud how they were going to get down off the bus she sees Dom jump into the crowd and be carried to where he can walk to the bar and Colson soon followed suit front flipping off the bus and giving her a small heart attack.

The bar was cramped, but that didn’t stop all the boys from rocking out to the maximum that the little stage could offer and then some. Colson was climbing the bannister and flipping upside down even. Lux and Rook watched from the sidelines due to the stage being so packed with the drum set and the three rockers. She admired how they all gave one hundred percent on stage despite the limited space. Once everything was all said and done they were on their way to get back to Colson and Rook’s place and Lux could not be more excited about it. After a long and stressful few weeks of tour they were finally about to have some time to enjoy themselves and not be all stuck together on the bus.

“Oh thank god” Lux sighed out when they pulled into the driveway.

“You are so dramatic” Rook teased grabbing the bag of bedding out of her hand and heading into the house.

“It is late Rook and I want to sleep in a bed that isn’t a twin and traveling at 70 miles per hour down a highway”

“Well then complain less and get your ass inside”

“I need to still drive home though” She pouted and rubbed her eyes really not looking forward to the drive.

“No you don’t you can sleep in bed with me” Rook grabbed her hand dragging her in the house and they both made their way up the stairs to his room.

Lux had been in Rook’s room a hundred times, but had never spent the night in his room especially with him. She usually crashed in the guest bed if she got too fucked up to drive home. She followed him into his room and plopped down on the soft cool sheets on his bed breathing in the faintest hint of him on the pillow. 

“You want a shirt to sleep in tonight?” Rook asked pulling a shirt out of his closet and holding it up.

“Yes please.” She took the shirt from him and he shielded his eyes to block him from seeing her change. She giggled at the small gesture and quickly undressed to just her underwear and pulled the shirt over her head before slipping back under the covers on his bed.

“It is safe now” She watched as rook removed his shirt and slipped out of his pants then slid into the bed next to Lux.

She scooted closer to him so her back was against his chest and felt his strong arms wrap around her middle. Lux felt him lean over and press a kiss to her shoulder and she sighed contently. She tipped her head to the side to allow for more of her neck to be exposed and Rook pressed more soft kisses to the smooth skin there. She brought one of his hands up to her lips and pressed a kiss to each one of his knuckles.

“You know” Rook said between kisses “I would never think that you would be here and I’d be lucky enough to be kissing you.”

“You know I never thought I’d be lucky enough to kiss you” She chuckled rolling over to wrap her arms around his neck and kiss him properly on the lips. Rook cradled her head as he slowly moved his lips against hers and pulled her body closer to his with his other hand. Lux trailed a hand down his head holding his cheek with her hand. Rook began to trace small circles along her exposed thigh causing a sigh to escape from her lips and a smirk to form on his. Taking the sigh as a sign of approval, he began tracing larger circles as he deepened the kisses they were sharing. His fingers skirted along the edge of her underwear and she felt heat pool between her legs. 

“We don’t have to do anything by the way” He looked at her with soft eyes as he kept inching his fingers closer to the sensitive area that was becoming more insistent on being touched the closer he got.

“I know, but I want to do this with you” She moaned softly.

He nodded his head and connected their lips again while his fingers danced along her folds that were increasingly becoming slick with her want. She moaned and stuffed her face in his neck as he applied pressure to her clit through her underwear. She bucked her hips against his hand and he pushed her underwear to the side grazing her clit with his fingers. She let out a muffled moan blocked by his neck and he audibly groaned sinking a finger inside of her pumping it in and out. Lux whimpered as he added another finger and used his thumb to circle her clit and she spread her legs further. Rook flipped himself over to be in the cradle of her legs and removed her underwear positioning his face between her legs. The first lick was slow, languid, and torturous and Lux flung her head back against the pillow. He looked up at her face twisted up in pleasure with her eyes open and mouth agape panting and he picked up the pace with his tongue.

“God dammit Rook” She gasped gripping his hair as he continued to lap her up while plunging two fingers in and out of her. 

Her back arched off the bed as the familiar feeling started to build in her lower abdomen. Her moans increased in volume and frequency as she reached the edge. Rook buried his face deeper into her core and moaned against her the vibration from that and the combination of his tongue sending her over. She called out his name and rocked her hips against his tongue riding out her high. Once her movements ceased Rook pulled his two fingers out placing them immediately into his mouth. Lux pulled him up and connected their lips again as their hands scrambled to get Rook’s boxers off along with the shirt she was still wearing. Rook positioned himself at her entrance and rubbed the tip of his dick against her wet folds.

“You sure you’re okay with this?” Rook asked still teasing her.

“I’m very positive” She smiled and pulled him down to kiss him as he entered her slowly.

They groaned in unison as she took in his full length in a smooth motion. Rook began a slow, dragging pace as he rocked his hips against hers. Sliding his hand along her thigh he dragged it down to her knee and picked her leg up placing it on his shoulder and started a quicker pace.

“Fuck Rook oh my god” She called out as he snapped his hips against hers faster and harder hitting her in all the right places. 

“You feel so fucking good Lux” Rook groaned out slowing his movements down again.

Lux took the opportunity to flip them over so she was on top and lowered herself on to his dick. She threw her head back and placed her hands on his muscular chest to leverage herself as she moved up and down on him rocking her hips in time with his to hit her sensitve bud with each thrust.

“Rook I’m gonna cum” She cried out desperately.

“Me too” He groaned and sparks flew behind her eyelids once more as she came throbbing from the sensation. Rook lazily thrust up a few more times coming down from his own release and Lux rolled off of him curling into his side and pressed a few lazy kisses to his chest.

“That was amazing” He pulled her closer and she hummed in agreement falling asleep shortly after in his arms.

Lux hummed absentmindedly as she danced around the kitchen preparing coffee when she heard the front door open and shut. In walked the tall lanky blonde still wearing the clothes he went out in last night when they had gotten back.

“Oof did somebody do the walk of shame this morning?” Lux teased from behind her mug.

“It was more of an uber ride of shame” Colson smirked rounding the corner to come give her a kiss.

“Uh uh not until you brush your teeth and wash the other girl off of you” Lux held her coffee up to shield her face and Colson pretended to be hurt.

“You are so out of pocket right now. You are in Rook’s shirt with fresh hickies on your neck” She had forgotten they had gone for a round two this morning that had been rougher than last night’s antics.

“Hey first of all I’m not trying to kiss you with someone else’s fresh saliva on my tongue” Colson grimaced at her words and she continued “And secondly, by the time you’re done navigating that trashed room of yours to make it to the bathroom, which by the way is out of pocket, I will have showered, brushed my teeth, and changed”

“Fine, but afterwards I’m getting so many fucking kisses” He pointed his finger at her making her chuckle and shake her head. 

Their arrangement was weird, but it was them and it worked. She moved in with them the weekend before ESTfest which was something Casie was most excited about because now she had someone to do hair and make up with and make blueberry pancakes on weekend mornings. She didn’t quite understand the relationship between Lux, Rook, and her dad; but she loved them all so much it didn’t matter. Besides their family had always been kind of weird anyway.

[marvelousworldgeek-blog]

Texting Strangers

Author: Kennedy

Characters: Fem!Reader and…?

Story: Y/N, who’s going through a rough patch, texts a random number in search of a friend.

Rated PG-13 for language, mention of drinking

Warnings: Reader is going through a rough patch, but I tried to keep it on the lighter side. Also, use of language.  

“Are you lonesome tonight? Do you miss me tonight? Are you sorry we drifted apart?”

The lilting voice of The King floated in through the open window as Y/N sat at her desk, staring at the blank screen in front of her. There was plenty of work to be done, sure. But what was the point now. She hated her job, her coworkers, the tiny cubicles, the sound the water cooler made every time an air bubble floated up. And here she was on a Saturday working from home to try and finish whatever dry, boring project her boss had saddled her with, knowing that Y/N was the only person who would actually get it done. Nevermind that Marc had ten years of experience on her two, or that it was actually Kayla’s department that was in charge of this particular project. Or the fact that Y/N was still technically an intern.

“Do the chairs in your parlor seem empty and bare? Do you gaze at your doorstep and picture me there?”

And to throw a cherry on top of this hate-my-life sundae, today marked the official six month anniversary of Jeremy moving out. Break ups were always tough, of course. But things could have certainly been easier if he hadn’t literally picked up and left in the middle of the night. It seemed as though the past year had been one big non-stop “fuck you”. Work? Terrible. Relationship? Long-dead. Family? Radio silence. Friends? Moved away. Apartment? Actually starting to feel like a cave.

Y/N glanced around the room at the stack of empty takeout boxes, the pile of paperwork, the week-old laundry. Motivating oneself to clean up seemed an immense task when the overwhelming feeling in life was ‘why bother?’

“Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?”

The sad song was just too ironic to handle at that moment. Her neighbor across the courtyard was a huge Elvis fan, and listened to old records nearly every night. For the most part it was nice to have the soft music as a background when she was home, but tonight it was a glib reminder of how lonely she actually was.

“This is bullshit,” Y/N muttered to herself and closed the laptop.

It was saturday night and she wasn’t about to stay at home and mope her way through another weekend. No sir. And so with all the energy and false confidence she could muster, Y/N grabbed an outfit out of the closet, threw on some makeup, and headed out on the town.

…

Okay, so maybe the nightclub scene wasn’t what she was after. Thirty minutes to get in, twenty waiting for a drink, then a whole lot of sitting around on garrish plush furniture waiting for someone to walk over and strike up a conversation. The closest she came was two drunk girls telling her they liked her shoes before stumbling off into the sweaty fray. And now this overpriced, watered-down drink was going straight to her bladder.

Y/N set the now empty cup on a table and headed off for the line to the bathrooms. Surprisingly, she only had to wait for two people before she got in and locked herself into a stall. The walls were as high as the ceiling and provided a satisfying amount of privacy. Behind the safety of four walls, Y/N finally had a chance to breathe. And once again the stress of the past months settled in, despite the cheap liquor pumping through her bloodstream. She leaned her head against the wall next to her and sighed, tracing the faded graffiti.

“Satisfaction guaranteed. Call now!” and a number scrawled below, along with a doodle of a stick figure with a ‘censored’ bar over its lower half. Giggling to herself, Y/N snapped a picture and tucked her phone back into her purse. With a defeated groan she clicked back out to the sinks.

“Oh my GOD, couch girl!”

The shrill voice cut through the bathroom, and Y/N (along with everyone else) turned to glance at its owner.

“Come here, come here,” the blonde girl from earlier gripped Y/N’s hand and dragged her out into the club again, “Come dance!”

And then the evening descended into a blur.

…

Y/N woke to the bright morning sun pouring through the window of her own bedroom. Her head was pounding, her feet ached, and her stomach felt sour. Last night had turned into a long, drawn out drunken dance fest with her two new friends (whose names and numbers she had never managed to get), and in the cold light of day Y/N vowed to never try and drink her woes away again.

After much groaning, she managed to shuffle to the kitchen and set the hot water on, all the while cursing her past self. Reaching into her pocket, she grabbed her phone and checked the screen. One unread text.

“Dammit,” she groaned.

Work never stops. Reluctantly, she opened the message.

“If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to drop me a line again.”

An unknown number, great. Y/N scrolled back up through the rest of the conversation. And was surprised to find several hours worth of back-and-forth with the mystery person. Somehow, in her intoxicated state, she had poured out her heart to a complete stranger, telling them all about the stress and sadness and heartache over her life. In turn, they had offered support and humor, and if she hadn’t known better she would have assumed this was a conversation between close friends.

“What the-”

Y/N recalled the number from the wall of the club bathroom. In a panic, she checked the photos on her phone. But the number didn’t match the one she had texted. At least not exactly. Somewhere during her night out she had attempted to text this mystery man but instead had hit up some poor clueless stranger and had a long drawn-out conversation over the course of the evening.

With an exasperated sigh, Y/N tossed her phone on the counter and retired to the couch in defeat.

…

“You look really tired,” Kayla’s brunette locks appeared above the edge of Y/N’s cubicle.

Y/N nodded; “It was a long weekend.”

“Did you finish the projection project?”

“I put it on his desk this morning.”

“Ah man,” Kayla sighed. “I was hoping I could hand it in to him. I have some, um, stuff I had to go over.”

“Like taking all the credit?” Y/N thought to herself.

“Oh well, I’ll get the next one. Thanks!”

Then she bounced away, heels clicking loudly against the floor.

Y/N leaned her forehead against the desk and groaned.

“Fuuuck…”

Her phone buzzed and Y/N sat up, rubbing her temple, and pressed the notification.

“Hope they aren’t giving you too much crap today.”

Y/N frowned; it was the stranger from the night before.

“I’m sorry, who is this?”

It was only a moment before they replied; “You mentioned you might say that!”

“Ha ha sounds about right. But that doesn’t answer my question.”

“A friend.”

“Okay,” Y/N whispered to herself, frowning. “Is this being cute? Or shady…”

“A friend with a name?”

“I thought you said we weren’t doing names?”

“Of course drunk me would say that,” Y/N thought.

“Okay friend. Tell me a little about yourself.”

“I’m a member of a secret organization who kept me in a lab for the first part of my life in order to mold me into a super weapon. Now I spend my free time saving the world.”

“You’re funny.”

“You don’t believe me?”

Y/N smiled to herself; “Okay ‘friend’ I’ll leave it be for now. You’re a superhero.”

“Really just a run-of-the-mill hero.”

“Mm-hm, I’ll take your word for it.”

“If you didn’t have to do your job, what would you want to be?”

The question caught Y/N off guard; she hadn’t thought about it in so long. She had been fully focused on getting through school, then getting a job that could get her out of her parents  house and on her own. She hadn’t thought about what she actually wanted to be.

“Um, idk”

“That’s not good.”

“I have a job. That’s what really matters,” she paused, then added, “Do you like your job?”

“I love it.”

“You’re lucky.”

“What do you like to do?”

Y/N sat for a few minutes and considered this.

Another text came through: “???”

Finally she typed, “I love to cook. I actually took a bunch of cooking and culinary arts classes in school. But I would hate being a chef. The hours are outrageous and it gets stuffy in the kitchen.”

“What about a food truck? You could make your own hours, drive to different places every day, you could even travel.”

Y/N actually laughed aloud to herself. She had never considered cooking for a living. She had worked as a waitress when she was in highschool and the kitchen staff were always miserable and overworked. Not to mention kind of mean. She had written off cooking for a living right then and there.

“I’d never thought of that.”

“What is your favorite thing to cook?”

“Breakfast food and baked goods, mostly.”

“That is perfect food truck food!”

“I suppose it is…”

“You should check this out,” they replied, then sent a link to an article titled ‘Considering Opening a Food Truck? Read these fifteen true stories from other chefs who did the exact same thing!’

“I’ll check it out, thanks!” Y/N name typed back, still smiling to herself.

“Hey friend, can I text you tomorrow? I have to go save some kids from a bus on fire.”

“Of course. Be safe, Superman!”

“Hm, nah. Call me ‘Batman’.”

“Okay, be safe Batman.”

“Read that article; I’ll ask you about it tomorrow!”

Y/N chuckled as she pressed save contact and typed ‘Batman’ into the name.

To be continued... 

[borathae]

↳ The Index [#08 Fall Back]

Genre: Smut, Angst, some bits of Fluff

Warnings: dom!Hoseok, sub!Reader, fingering, public sex, mirror sex, rough sex, phone sex in one way or the other, cum holding, dirty talking, pain kink, hair pulling, reader is a remorseless bitch

Wordcount: 9.1k

a/n: This chapter literally controlled me instead of me controlling it. Everything has spiralled out of my control, I am a mere tool the story uses to manifest itself into this world. I am its slut all under its control and I am shaking because despite the freaking pain it causes I can’t get enough of it, hanging on its poisionous lips just wanting to be consumed whole... ʰᵉˡᵖ ᵐᵉ

Everything returns normal after that, well as good as it was possible. Namjoon and Taehyung were still angry with you, looking the other way every time you passed each other at work. You didn’t blame them, you would be angry as well. Still, it had become lonely without friends to talk to, so after a week of no human contact, you had decided to call Seokjin to ask if he and Jungkook wanted to grab some dinner. He had dismissed you, telling you that they weren’t really in the mood for seeing people lately. He had hung up after that, not even saying goodbye. You know what he had actually meant to say. It had hurt you. Of course it did, but again you couldn’t blame them. They were Yoongis friends after all. At least Yoongi had started to go to lunch with you again. It had been awkward at first, both of you trying your hardest to find a topic to talk about. If it would have been your first date, you both probably had equally agreed that this relationship wouldn’t work out. But it wasn’t, it was a fresh start, an attempt to save your relationship. Thankfully it had become easier with time and come Friday both of you were laughing and joking with each other again.

You are glad about that, you had worried so much that you had lost Yoongi for good. But he had been forgiving and after realising that you would give him all the time he needed, he thawed. He had been hesitant at first, only ‘accidentally’ brushing his hand with yours, which ended up with the two of you intertwining your fingers whilst walking to the bus stop. It had made you smile, your heart nearly bursting in your chest and your skin prickling underneath his touch. He had looked shyly to the ground, trying his hardest to hide his own smile in the collar of his turtleneck. It probably looked like two giddy teenagers experiencing their first, innocent exchanges of affection to an outside observer and quite frankly it felt like it too, millions of butterflies dancing in your stomach. He hadn’t kissed you however, only squeezing your hand smiling down at you before getting onto his bus and waving at you through the window. You didn’t mind, of course you didn’t, the happiness that he had started to touch you again overshadowing any kind of disappointment. 

It had taken him two more days after your first time holding hands to finally kiss you. It was a sweet kiss, short of nature, simply brushing his lips over yours. But it had been enough to send your heart into overdrive, your arms falling around his neck to pull him into a tight hug, both of you giggling into each other’s shoulders. So to keep it short, you are happy again, and with the knowledge that Yoongi was yours again the cold stares of Taehyung and Namjoon became easier to handle and the lonely feeling slowly disappeared from your chest.

You smile, staring at your home screen picture of you and Yoongi smiling into the camera, your blushing cheeks squished together. You wipe your finger over his face, sighing contently. You can’t wait to see him on Monday again. You lie down on your sofa, nuzzling your head into the soft decorative pillow still staring at your home screen.

Suddenly your phone starts to vibrate, Hoseoks name flashing on your screen. You scream, nearly throwing your phone across the room, but stopping yourself last minute clutching it to your chest instead. He is the last person you wanted to speak to right now, not when you know how hard it is for you force down the feelings for him. What does he want? What if he tells you that he misses you? Should you just let it ring? But then you told him to call you if something happens to him. You feel scared all of a sudden. Is he in pain?

You pick up, moving your phone to your ear in slow motion.

“Hello?” you whisper and you can hear Hoseoks heavy breathing through the receiver.

“Could you come down to the dance studio please? I am having quite the problem here”, he says and you sit up in shock.

“Are you okay? Oh my god Hoseok are you in pain?” you pant and he stays silent.

“Please just come quickly please”, he says finally and you nod your head even though he can’t see you right now.

“Yes, of course, hold on I’ll try to be as quick as possible. I’ll bring some pain meds as well”, you tell him before hanging up and putting your phone in the pocket of your sweats.

You run through your apartment afterwards, collecting everything you needed to bring before leaving it, still wearing your sweats and three-day old t-shirt. You have no time to change.

You arrive at his dance studio with the last bit of your precious nerves still intact. You hadn’t been able to find an unoccupied taxi for ten minutes straight and when you did find one the driver had refused to accept your debit card, so you had to run down the streets to the closest ATM just so you could get the driver your money. You had told him to have a good fucking day before slamming the door closed and rushing up the stairs of the dance studio not even bothering to react to him flipping you off.

You stop once you stand in front of Hoseoks studio, supporting yourself against the white walls and trying your hardest to regulate your heavy breathing. Please let him be okay! You knock, listening for someone to answer but the music is far too loud, swallowing all of the other sounds. You twist the door handle pushing the door open with a shaky breath. Your eyes travel over the floor, expecting to find a shaking Hoseok with a face contorted in pain, but instead you are greeted with a perfectly healthy Hoseok dancing in front of the mirror with his tongue sticking out. His eyes are covered by a black bucket hat and an oversized white t-shirt is hugging his upper body, dancing in the air with every jump he makes.

“Hey Hobi I am here", you yell over the loud music letting your eyes wander to his circling hips.

He stops his movements, snapping around and pushing his bucket hat out of his face. It’s the first time you are seeing his face after the accident and you can’t help but let your eyes wander over everything. The skin around his eyes has turned a light green and the bruise on his cheek has already disappeared completely. The once white plaster on his nose is now a light skin-coloured one, it is smaller than the first one. He looks healthier again, thank god.

“Oh, hey Y/N didn't even hear you come in", he smiles turning off the music, “I’m happy that you could come“, he says closing the distance between the two of you.

“Are you even hurt?” you ask crossing your arms in front of your chest.

“No not really, you didn’t let explain my situation so I just played the role you wanted me to be”, he confesses scratching the back of his neck. “But I still need your help so my call had a purpose. I really need your opinion on one of my new choreographies“, he says raising his finger.

“Are you serious right now? I was worried shitless the whole drive to the studio. I thought you'd be lying in a puddle of your own blood shaking in pain. Do you even know through how my stress I just went? The cab driver didn’t accept my debit card so I had to literally sprint down two blocks to get some money from an ATM. I fucking hate running and you fucker made me run nearly one kilometer“, you spit angrily, gently hitting his chest.

He chuckles, rubbing the spot you had hit before looking shyly to ground.

“Were you actually that worried?” he asks grinning widely at you, “I'm sorry I didn’t want to stress you like that I just wanted to make sure you’d certainly come“, he adds sending you two finger hearts.

“I would have come regardless“, you scoff rolling your eyes.

He smiles, putting his hands in the pockets of his shorts.  

“Alright I’ll remember to be more specific the next time”, he chuckles nodding. He studies your face for a moment, “Sooo do you want to help me now?” he asks looking at you with puppy eyes.

You look him up and down with a raised eyebrow and clenched jaw. Normally, you should say no and just leave him. It would suit him right for all the trouble he had caused you. However he had sparked your curiosity.

“Yeah I mean now that I’m here why not”, you say shrugging your shoulders. His smile grows, his eyes lighting up.

“Thank you for staying Y/N!”, he exclaims clapping his hands and jumping up and down in front of you. He stops, putting his hands on your shoulders and carefully pushing you backwards, closer to the mirror.

“Alright so I need you to watch me and just tell me on what steps I need to work some more. You still know how to do that? You know concentrate on-"

“-on your footwork and your upper body movements separately because only then can I be sure that I won't miss a thing. Don't worry Hobi I monitored you for nearly five years I know my stuff", tell him and he lowers his head so you wouldn't be able to see his big smile. You do. And it annoyingly makes your heart skip a beat in your chest.

“Just making sure you haven't forgotten", he mumbles shrugging his shoulders. He turns around walking to the spot he was previously dancing on, rolling his shoulders afterwards.

You sit down in front of mirror taking the remote control for his music player into your hands and crossing your legs afterwards.

“Ready?“ you ask, your thumb playing with the start button of the remote.

He nods, furrowing his eyebrows together in concentration. He looks so intimidating right now, with his eyes staring at himself through the mirror, it sends a shiver down your spine.

You press play and a hip-hop song, unknown to you, starts playing, it sounds old school with a catchy beat and deep lyrics. You like it.

The moment the first beat hits Hoseok starts moving, sliding his feet over the dark wood floor with ease never missing a beat, bending his ankles in so many different angles you are starting to doubt the existence of his bones. It mesmerizes you, your eyes following his every step with your mouth hanging wide open. He had improved a lot in the time the two of you were apart, his movements are even more fluently and precise than before.

Soon the song comes to an end and all you can hear is Hoseoks loud breathing. You look up, watching him walk to you and sitting down cross-legged in front of you. He removes his bucket hat to comb his messy hair out of his face, exposing his forehead.

“And? Tell me honestly what can I improve?“ he asks, breathing hard leaning his weight onto his hands.

“Honestly there isn't anything major that I could notice, you are moving so fluently and on-beat it's remarkable. But if I really have to critique something the steps you did at the line that goes something with word on my body-"

“Every tat means something, that's my word on my body?“

“Yeah that line", you say pointing your finger at his chest, “it kind of looks out of place because you are doing all this smooth gliding around and suddenly you are doing this stop and it kind of looks like your shoes get stuck on the floor”, you explain with big gestures.  

He laughs, clearly amused by the anecdote you used.

“Thank you for your honest words, also as funny as it sounds I knew you wouldn't like this part“, he confesses and you tilt your head in confusion.

“Why? Am I that predictable?“ you joke making him shake his head with a smile on his face.

“No it's not that, but that was the only part I wasn't satisfied with either“, he tells you and you smile.

“Oh well, I'm glad that we are on the same boat here“, you laugh your hand reaching out automatically to pet his thigh.

His eyes snap to your hand, he swallows visibly. Well, that’s awkward, you shouldn’t have touched him. You should probably pull away, it’s still not too late to turn this current tension into nothing more than a professional monitoring between friends. But then on the other hand, friends can touch each other. Right? This doesn't have to mean anything. Also it’s just the two of you here, no one’s going to judge you. You take a deep breath before squeezing his hard muscle.

“You are not finished Hobi, I still need to monitor your upper body movements", you tell him sending him an encouraging smile.

“Uhm, yeah true I, yeah I nearly forgot", he stutters stumbling up onto his feet again.

You start the music once he gives you the signal with a nod of his head. Monitoring his upper body movements had always been more fun for you. Hoseok had a talent for changing from smooth body rolls to bopping and back to smooth waves like it was the easiest thing in the world for him. It looked hypnotizing, the perfect mixture that makes you want to keep watching him. Or maybe it’s also the smug smirk that appears on his face every time he dares to take a look at your stunned face. Either way it works, your eyes watch him hungrily, your heartbeat quickening in your chest. He ends the choreography with his fingers forming a heart over his heart, bopping his chest to imitated heartbeats. It surprises you, making you look away in coyness before you giggle shyly.

He smirks, watching your cheeks turn pink all whilst walking to you and sitting down in front of you again. He is closer than before, his knees touching yours, making your skin prickle.

“So what do you think?“ he asks, panting hard.

“It's just wow it's really amazing Hobi. You are so talented. I am one hundred percent honest with you when I tell you that I couldn't find anything that I didn't like“, you tell him patting his knee.

“Are you serious? You even liked the weird robot thing I did? I thought you would hate it."

“What? No I loved it, the robot thing was my favorite part", you assure him and he smiles.

“Awww really? Damn it, now I improvised the heart pose for nothing at the end?“ he whines jokingly.

His words send new heat to your cheeks. You giggle, hiding your smile behind your hand.

“No actually I loved that the most", you mumble with your head lowered.

“Thank god", he sighs before you can feel his sweaty palm cup your burning cheek.

You look up at him with big eyes. He is smiling at you with sparkling eyes. Your gaze flickers to his mouth, his lips look so soft right now you really want to feel them on yours again.

What are you even thinking? This is so wrong you shouldn’t do that right now, you shouldn’t repeat the same mistake especially now that Yoongi starts to trust you again. You had come as friend nothing more.

But still you can’t deny how fast your heart is beating in your chest or how good his hand feels on your face.

You had been so lost in your own thoughts that you didn’t even notice him scooting closer, his face mere inches away and his breath tickling your skin pulling you back to reality.

“Would you hate me if I kissed you now?“ he whispers, his voice deeper than before.

Say yes, just say yes and avoid complicating everything again. Just say yes and keep the promise you had made Yoongi.

He licks over his lips, biting them afterwards. His breathing comes out ragged, as if he is excited, consumed by want for you. Your own tongue darts out to wet your dry lips.

However you have already complicated it enough by merely agreeing to stay with Hoseok and monitoring him. One kiss wouldn’t kill anyone. Right?

“Come and find out“, you answer resting your hands on his thighs.

His eyes snap to your mouth, instantly turning dark. He licks his lips coming closer and closer to your already slightly-parted lips. The last thing you see before you close your eyes are his own eyelids fluttering closed and then you can feel his lips on yours. It feels like your heart is going to explode in your chest, like thousands of butterflies start dancing in your belly and endless sparks of electricity shoot through your body lighting everything up. His lips had merely brushed yours and still you feel yourself getting addicted already, your body screaming for more.

His lips are even softer than you had imagined, pressing against yours with no movement whatsoever. He’s testing the waters still unsure if you would pull back, but your hand snaking around his neck to pull him closer adds confidence to his actions. He smiles against your lips, his own hand coming to rest on your neck, his fingers tangling in your hair. Your kisses are soft and slow at first, both of you getting lost in the feeling of being so close again. You dart your tongue out, licking over his lower lip. His taste enslaves you, the chains of desire wrapping around your neck and making you gasp for air. You bite down gently on his lower lip earning a groan from him. His grip around your neck tightens, your scalp aching from his fingers tugging at the same bundle of hair over and over again. He pulls you onto his body, the slippery floor making it easier for him to pull you close and you stumble to your knees to be able to sit on his crossed-legged lap.

Once you are sitting comfortably enough he presses you even closer with his big hand on the small of your back, your braless chest rubbing against his, your nipples already hardening. You sigh, letting his tongue enter your mouth enjoying the feeling of him taking over control. His bucket hat had long fallen to the ground, your fingers grabbing at his hair like it was the only thing keeping you from losing the last bit of your sanity, they feel damp against your fingers but you couldn’t care less, your every growing desire to rip the clothes of his godlike body rendering blind to every outside feeling other than his hot body pressing against yours.

You start rocking your hips on his, moaning softly every time his hard bulge rubs against your clothed core. Arousal drains your panties, slowly seeping through your sweats as well. It annoys you, but excites you all at the same time, the rough feeling of your panties getting pushed deeper and deeper between your folds, sending shivers down your spin. You roll your hips again, harder than before earning a low groan from him. He grabs your left butt cheek squeezing the flesh between his fingers and roughly pulling on your hair at the same time. You whimper, pressing yourself even closer to his body, silently begging him to pull again.

Suddenly the loud ringing of a phone stops your shameless groping session, both of jumping slightly. You break away, breathing heavily looking into each other’s eyes with hunger.

“It’s not mine", he says looking at your handbag right next to the mirror.

You turn around as good as possible to stare at your bag, silently cursing it for ruining your moment with Hoseok. You reach behind yourself with Hoseoks hand on your back so you wouldn’t fall off his lap and after some fumbling in the air, your fingers finally graze the handle of your bag. You let a sound of accomplishment dragging the leather bag to your bodies and rummaging for your blaring phone afterwards. You flip it over once you have found it, as it had landed with the backside turned to you into your hands.

Yoongibear ❤

Yoongi’s name on your display makes your breath hitch in your throat, your eyes snapping to stare at Hoseok with nothing but pure panic. He looks calm, which only makes you feel nervous all the more.

“I-“, you say hovering your shaky fingers over your screen.

“Go on pick up I'll be quiet“, he tells you caressing your arm.

You think his words over for a moment, still too scared that he might snitch on you. He squeezes your arm, sending you an encouraging smile. It is enough to make you finally dare to pick up.

“Hello?“ you answer trying your hardest to regulate your heavy breathing.

“Hey princess can you talk?“ Yoongis happy voice rings from the speaker and you swallow.

“I sure fuc-", you nearly swear, your breath hitching in your throat. Hoseok had slipped his hands in your sweats, travelling his fingers over your clothed core, his eyes watching you hungrily a smirk plastering his face.

“Are you okay baby?“ Yoongi asks sounding worried.

You try to get Hoseok to stop touching you but with every slap of your fingers against his arm he only adds pressure to his touch, his evil smirk growing. Oh, he is going to pay for that, he’s going to stop smirking once you are finished with him!

“Mhm, yeah? Of course I am it's just I nearly dropped my coffee mug that's all", you choke out the last word with a ragged breath.

Hoseok had managed to slip his hand into your panties, his pointer finger drawing circles on your clit. Holy shit, he feels amazing! His touch is rough, he knows you can take it, knows how much you enjoy being manhandled like that. Your eyes flutter shut, your lips parting to let your needy moans spill free but Yoongis low chuckle stops you in the last moment.

“You are so clumsy baby", Yoongi chuckles and you try your hardest to make your laughter sound as natural as possible; something nearly impossible with the feeling of Hoseoks middle finger stroking through your wet folds.

“But that's not why I called. Do you maybe have time to come over to the studio sometime today? I have something I wanted to show you", he continues talking and you hum, well more of like a forced down moan but you hope you had managed to make it sound as innocent as possible.

“I, fuck, yes", you groan digging your fingernails into Hoseoks shoulders. He had inserted two of his fingers inside of you, pumping them in and out of you. It burns so good, nearly making you scream out his name.

“I didn't expect that much enthusiasm right now, but I feel honored baby“, Yoongi giggles and you can hear him lean back in his chair.

“I'm just very-", Hoseok curls his fingers inside of you, your ability to talk gone for a moment. You gasp for air, sending Hoseok a warning glare but he dismissed it with an evil smirk. You take a deep breath, starting to think of things that would take your mind off of Hoseoks long fingers stretching you out, before continuing to talk, “-excited to see you again that's all.“

“I’m also excited baby. I can't wait to finally show you, I have been working so hard on it and I think it turned out so well you are going to love it“, Yoongi ends his words with a dreamy sigh.

You hum, too scared that your voice would be too shaky when you try to talk. Hoseok curls his finger again, all whilst starting to massage your clit with his thumb. Your legs start shaking, your breathing becoming ragged. It’s getting too much, your mind racing with filthy words only threatening to spill out of you and your body shaking with the desire to finally move on his long fingers.

“I'm, I'm sure I will. I'll see you later, need to go", you choke out with the last bit of strength you can gather before hanging up.

You throw your phone onto your half-opened bag not caring about the rather loud bang it causes before averting your attention to the man in front of you.

“What the hell is your problem?“ you spit, hitting Hoseoks arm hard enough that it would sting.

“Why so mad? You managed perfectly, he didn't suspect a thing", Hoseok defends himself, stopping his movements for the time being. It makes you want to whine, but you stop yourself too angry to show him how much you desired him right now.

“Still you promised to be silent“, you hiss trying to look as mad as possible, despite his fingers curling against your upper walls, missing your g-spot ever so slightly on purpose, driving you nearly into madness.

“And silent I was. It's not my fault that you can't stay quiet for shit", he says chuckling afterwards before scissoring his fingers inside of you.

You gasp, your eyelids closing for a second and your hips bucking into his touch.

“I fucking hate you so much", you choke out and despite your words your hips keep grinding against his hand.

“I can stop if you want me to, so you can go to your fiancé instead", Hoseok says pulling his fingers out of you. It makes you panic, your eyes snapping open and your hand clutching onto his arm.

“No, please, please don’t", you plead clenching around his fingers as an attempt to draw him back in.

He smirks, biting his lip.

“Well then I want to have some fun as well", he whispers curling his fingers one last time before finally pulling out of you.

You whine looking at him with pleading eyes, your fingers trying their hardest to pull him back down by his wrist. But he is stronger leading his arousal slickened fingers to his lips before taking them into his mouth. He hums, closing his eyes and sucking on his fingers like a starved man. He releases them with a loud bop afterwards, opening his eyes. His pupils are dilated painting his brown irises in a deep black.

“You taste so fucking delicious, I can't believe I was able to go without this sweet taste for so long", he groans grabbing a big bundle of your hair to pull you onto his lips.

He kisses you roughly, his tongue licking over your lips asking for entrance, something you grant him just all the more willingly. It’s sloppy and dirty, both of you moaning shamelessly, your hands fumbling all over each other’s bodies. His tongue dances with yours, you can still taste a small hint of yourself on the tip of his tongue. You moan slipping your hands underneath his t-shirt, tracing his abs with the tip of your fingers before stopping at his chest to stroke over his nipples. He groans groping your breast over your t-shirt. His hand feels amazing groping your breast like that, making you arch your back into his hand.

“Need to fuck you", he growls breaking the kiss and bucking his hips into yours as good as the position allows him to.

“No one's stopping you“, you pant still traveling your hands up and down his naked chest.

“Not even your fiancé?“  he asks, sliding his hand underneath your shirt to cup your right breast.

Normally you would have arched your back into his touch, but the reminder of Yoongi makes you clear your mind for a moment. You pause your movements, pictures of Yoongi waiting patiently for you in his studio flashing to your mind. You should feel guilty, it would be the right thing to do. However all the reminder of him does is to annoy you for stopping you from feeling pleasure.

“Not even him and I blame you and your freaking fingers”, you spit, scratching down his chest making sure that it would leave red marks.

Hoseok chuckles cupping your left butt cheek in his hand and squeezing hard.

“Don't blame me, you love them“, he says before slapping it with all of his might making you jolt forward, a pained whimper leaving your lips.

“I, I do", you stutter resting your head against his shoulder. Your hands fall from his chest, now grabbing at his sides for support.

“That's my girl”, he praises massaging your breast and butt cheek at the same time. “Now be so nice and stand up for me", he tells you, putting both of his hands on your waist to pull you up with him.

You wobble, holding onto his sweatshirt.

“What are you doing?” you ask looking up at him with big eyes.

“Undress”, he tells you ignoring your question and pointing at your red sweats.

You follow his orders, reaching down your body and fumbling with the waistband of your sweats with shaking fingers.

“Faster we don't have all day” Hoseok growls grabbing your chin between his fingers andf making you to look up at him, “You know how much I fucking hate waiting”, he adds and you swallow down the whimper in the back of your throat.

“I, I do”, you stutter, trying your hardest to pull down your sweats as fast as possible.

They fall to the ground in a dull sound, pooling on your feet. Hoseok looks down, raking his eyes over your legs before stopping at your clothed core. He smirks, looking back up to stare at you through hooded eyes.

“So fucking gorgeous”, he smiles, caressing your cheek with the back of his hand before grabbing you by your shoulders and pushing you against the mirror.

Your shoulders collide with it first, forcing a shocked gasp out of you, your eyes closing for a moment. But Hoseok leaves you no time to collect your breath again, his lips crushing down on yours biting and sucking on your lower lip like a starved man. Your head spins with the lack of oxygen in your lungs, but still you pull him down on you even more, twisting your fingers in his locks and wrapping one leg around his hip.

He growls, digging his fingernails into the flesh of your naked thigh, pressing his clothed erection against your core. You whimper, growing impatient. Yes you love the feeling of his dick grinding against your swollen clit, but it’s not enough. You need to feel stretched out by him, need to feel him fuck you senseless.

You break the kiss, your fingers fumbling with the waistband of his shorts.

“Please fuck me already”, you beg and he smirks.

“I thought you’d never ask”, he tells you, hooking his fingers in your panties and pulling them down your legs.

“Ah fuck”, you gasp when cold air hits your arousal drenched core, looking up at Hoseok with lustful eyes. He smirks at your reaction, his left hand coming out to rest on your naked butt cheek.

“So beautiful”, he growls, staring at the nakedlower half of your body through the mirror before lowering his head to attach his lips to your neck. He sucks, clearly wanting to mark you but you push him off in the last moment. He looks at you confused, furrowing his brows.

“No hickies, not when I'm seeing him later”, you explain, cupping his cheek in apology.

“I forgot, sorry”, he mumbles, sending you a lopsided smile before leaning down again. He kisses the slope your neck, sucking softly enough to leave you gasping but keep your skin intact. His tongue darts out, licking over your neck before landing on your ear. He traces the shape of your ear, the hot feeling of his tongue making you moan softly.

“I want you so fucking much”, he whispers into your ear. His breathing is shaky, quiet moans leaving his parted lips. He knows how much it drives you crazy when he shows you his desperation like that, his lips ghosting over your ear and his tongue exploring the sensitive skin of your neck.

“Then fuck me already”, you groan fumbling with his shorts until you manage to open the knot. You pull them down his legs taking his briefs with them as well.

“I will”, he growls, stepping out his short pooling on his feet and hooking his arm under your left leg to pull you onto his body.

You come crashing down on him, the tip of his cock grazing over your pulsating entrance, his precum mixing with your arousal creating a mess. His free hand reaches between your bodies aligning himself with your entrance and then he slams into you with so much force it makes you scream out his name, curses following after.

He leaves you no time to adjust, knowing very well you don't need it. Not when your arousal is practically tripping down your legs. His hips move fast, drilling his length into your core, forcing moan after moan out of you.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck harder please harder”, you pant once the last bit of faint pain from the sudden stretch has disappeared and he grunts.

He moves your leg up slightly so he would be able to bury his length deeper inside of you before taking on a pace so relentless you can feel the mirror shake behind you.

“That’s it fuck yes”, you scream, digging your nails into his shoulders, your eyes rolling into the back of your skull.

“Yeah, you like that?” he pants opening his eyes to watch you come undone underneath him. You nod your head, choking out a shaky “Yes” and he smirks looking away from you to stare at himself through the mirror instead.

“I’ll make you cum so fucking hard”, he growls still watching himself fuck into you like a maniac.

“Yes, fuck yes”, you moan clenching around his length, clutching onto his shoulders.

The feeling is overwhelming, rendering you speechless, Hoseoks name the only word leaving your lips like a mantra. You are so sensitive already, you can feel each thrust as he fucks into you with so much force bruises had already started to form where his hips bones dig into your flesh. It hurts, but still you want more the pleasure addicting driving you into madness.

“You gonna cum? I can feel you clenching”, he pants renewing the grip around your leg, never once stopping his hips from moving.

You let out a strangle moan, clenching around him as an answer. He smirks, he loves when he renders you speechless. You are so hot all of a sudden, sweat running down your chest and back, your hair sticking to your forehead. So hot and so fucking close, just one more thrust of his skillful hips and you will find yourself breaking.

“Just-one-more”, you wail between his thrusts and he stops his movement for a brief second before slamming into you forcefully. The knot in your stomach unravels, and you cum hard, your leg nearly giving up underneath you when waves of burning pleasure comes crashing down on you, the intensity of your orgasm leaving you gasping for air, shaking in Hoseoks arms.  

Your hot walls clenching and spasming around his length forces him to release as well, his hips stuttering and his movements becoming sloppy before stopping altogether. He groans loudly, burying his twitching length deeper inside of you to make sure that you would take all of his cum.

The two of you stay silent for what feels like an eternity, both of you trying to catch your breath. Your leg is shaking uncontrollably still, from exhaustion now instead of pleasure and you would have fallen down if it wasn't for Hoseok still holding your other leg and pressing his body against yours.

You wrap your arm around his neck, squeezing him tightly.

“You just made me cum with just your dick”, you croak once your voice has returned, staring at the wall opposite of you with big eyes.

“Is that such a surprise to you?” he chuckles tiredly before pulling his softening dick out of you. You can feel his cum drip out of you already, but you don’t care your mind still trying to process what had just happened.

“No, I just I forgot that this was possible”, you confess and suddenly you feel tired, your legs giving up underneath you.

Hoseok catches you, pressing you against his chest with his arms supporting you by your waist.

“I’m not going to name any names but someone must have weak stroke game”, he says and you huff.

“Please don’t start this right now”, you warn.

“Fine I won’t”, he tells you kneeling down in front of him to pull your panties up. You can feel his cum pool on your entrance, the cotton material of your underwear sticking unpleasantly to it.

“Your cum is going to drip out and ruin them, let me get cleaned up first”, you whine trying to wiggle out of his arms.

“Cleaned up?“ he chuckles, standing up and pressing an opened-mouth kiss to your temple. His eyes are still dark, looking down at you, “You just have to be careful babygirl”, he adds, an evil smirk plastering his face.

Your eyes grow big, your breath hitching in your throat.

“What? But I am meeting up with Yoongi now”, you gasp and he shrugs his shoulders.

“All the more reason to be careful. We don't want him to find out don't we", he tells you.

„I-" you swallow, „No, no we don’t", you stutter shaking your head.

He smiles pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead.

“That’s my girl”, he whispers with his lips still pressed against your forehead. He steps back after that, smiling down at you.

“I think you should go now, we have kept dear Yoongi waiting long enough”, he says and your stomach twists now that your mind has cleared up again.

You had slept with Hoseok, again you had broken the promise you had made Yoongi. But what makes you feel sick the most is the missing guilt in your chest, as hard as you try to feel bad for what you did you just can’t.

“I think we really did”, you say launching forward to wrap your arms around Hoseoks neck and pull him into a longing kiss.

He is visibly surprised by it, nearly falling over if it wasn’t for the mirror stopping your fall, gasping into your mouth. You pull back smiling up at him.

“Can I call you again?” you ask caressing the skin of his burning cheeks.

“Seriously?” he gasps, his eyes big. You nod smiling. “Yeah of course you can call me anytime you want, I’m, wow”, he stutters before laughing breathlessly.

“Great, that’s great”, you join his laughter, breaking away from him afterwards.

“I’ll get going then”, you tell him, picking up your sweatpants to pull them on and grab your handbag afterwards.

“See you soon Y/N”, Hoseok says, still looking utterly taken aback by the turn of events.

“See you soon Hobi”, you grin, twisting the doorknob and leaving a blushing, giddy mess of a man behind.

You take a deep breath, staring at the alabaster door of Yoongi’s studio. You should have cleaned yourself up before coming here, Hoseok wouldn’t have found out about your disobedience anyways. You rub your thighs together, the rough feeling of his already dried cum in your panties making you wince. It’s still not too late to run into the next best toilet and try to get rid of the sinful stain.

You are already in the midst of turning around and running down the corridor before Jungkook’s appearing form stops you. He looks shocked at first, clearly trying to find a spot to hide from you. He gives up in the end, letting out a loud sigh and closing the distance between the two of you, one you would have preferred he had kept.

“Hello Y/N”, he greets you with his hands in the front pouch of his grey sweater. He avoids looking at your eyes, probably still unsure about your current relationship status.

“Hey Jungkook, how are you?” you say pulling your t-shirt over your behind to try and hide the spot, you are sure Hoseok’s cum had left behind.

“I’m, I’m fine, yeah”, he stops talking to look up at the ceiling.

“That’s good to hear”, you say before falling silent yourself. You look around you, trying to find something you could use as an excuse to get away from him.

The coffee machine? You could tell him that you wanted to get some coffee, but that could leave the possibility that he would want to join you. The toilets? That wouldn’t even be a lie, you really need to get that stain out of your underwear. However that would mean walking past Jungkook and risking him looking after you and spotting the stain on your sweats. Yoongi’s studio? But that would mean the possibility of Yoongi spotting the mark of your anew infidelity.

You sigh, which makes Jungkook look at you with panic in his eyes.

“Do you feel as awkward as I do?” he asks, laughing nervously afterwards.

“Kind of yeah”, you tell him, still pulling down your t-shirt.

“Do you think we could be relaxed with each other again, now that you and Yoongi-hyung made up?” he presses on, nervously biting the inside of his cheek.

So that’s why he is as nervous as he is right now. The memories of Seokjin and Jungkook rejecting your requests to hang out with them in the last weeks come rushing back into your mind and you can’t help but feel warm at his personal version of an apology.

“I would actually love that very much”, you smile which makes Jungkook visibly loosen up.

“That’s great to hear”, he laughs, combing his bangs out of his face. “Do you maybe want to go down to one of the clubs with me and Seokjin-hyung next week? A DJ from America comes to visit and I’ve heard that he plays amazing music”, he adds, the excitement obvious in his voice.

“Sure why not, I haven’t been to a club in ages. Can I bring Yoongi as well?”, you tell him to which he nods excitedly.

“Yes of course you can! This is going to be so much fun”, he giggles, jumping from one foot to the other.

“Okay I will”, you laugh at his cute behavior to which he becomes shy again, hiding his hands in his sweater pockets once more and lowering his head.

“Sorry if I got a little too excited right now, I just love dancing so much. I, I will go now, you probably want to see hyung and I don’t want to keep him waiting”, he mumbles pointing at the closed door of Yoongis studio.

“It’s okay Kookie, it was nice talking with you again”, you assure him to which you can see the corners of his lips twitch up into a small smile.

“I liked talking with you as well”, he murmurs before looking up at you to quickly smile at you, “See you next week Y/N”, he says bowing his head at you.

“See you Jungkookie”, you smile at him reciprocating the bow.

He gives you one last small smile before he finally turns around and runs down the corridors to disappear into one of the many rooms. You look after him, shaking your head with a fond smile on your face before turning to Yoongis studio door.

You don’t bother knocking, knowing very well that he wouldn’t be able to hear you anyways. You enter his passcode and once his door is open you step out of your sneakers and slip into the loafers on Yoongis doormat.

Just like always Yoongi is sitting in his studio chair with his back turned to you and big headphones shielding him from any kind of outside noise, your rather loud “hello” was no exception of it. You decide to go with the usual tap on his shoulder and just like always Yoongi jumps slightly, snapping his head up to look at the intruder.

His widened orbs soften when seeing you, his o-shaped lips turn into his famous gummy smile and a quiet “hey” leaves his pouty lips. He stands up to wrap his arm around your waist and pulls you into his body. He presses a loving kiss to your lips, the taste of coffee tickling your tongue. You sigh, fluttering your eyelids closed and snaking your arms around his back. His back feels different than Hoseoks underneath your fingertips, frailer but all the more warmer. You pull back to look up at him, nearly tearing up at the love flickering in his eyes.

“I missed you so much princess”, he whispers, cupping your cheek with his left hand, “I have been waiting for you for so long, I was scared that you wouldn’t come”, he pouts and you can’t help but feel guilty.

So he really did wait for you to come, all whilst you had fun with Hoseok in the dance studio. Your heart stings and your stomach twists, the feeling of Hoseok cum burning your skin. You should have cleaned yourself up first.

“I’m, I’m sorry”, you murmur looking away from his intense gaze, “I had to put on some clothes and then I got stuck in traffic”, you lie, swallowing down the lump in your throat.

“Don’t apologize baby I was just joking it’s okay”, he tells you before pressing a gentle kiss to your cheek, “besides you are here now that’s all that matters.”

You laugh nervously, one that Yoongi registers as a laugh of nervous relief. You push Yoongi away from your body afterwards the close contact of him making you feel sick all of a sudden.

“Sit down baby I really want to show you something now”, he says excitedly not even noticing your attempt at getting some space between the two of you.

He sits down on his studio chair and pats his thighs to signal you to sit down on them. You force a smile to your face, eyeing his clothes thighs with growing nerves. Would Yoongi find it strange of you if you’d sat down on the very tempting looking metal chair next to his piano instead of his lap?

“Come on baby I am already so excited I can’t wait any longer”, he urges you on, wrapping his fingers around your wrist and making the decision for you.

He pulls you down on his lap and wraps his left arm around your waist. You silently wince at the feeling of your stained panties digging into your core, hoping your hardest that Yoongi wouldn’t notice it. Yoongi forces you to lean your back against his chest with a gentle tug and rests his head on your shoulder afterwards.

“I’m so nervous all of a sudden”, he confesses, giggling afterwards. His breath tickles your ear and you can’t help but shiver.

You hum, nodding slowly and resting your hand on the exposed skin of his lower arm, playing with his metal bracelets.

“Don’t be I won’t judge you”, you assure him to which he presses a quick kiss to your cheek.

“You have the permission to judge me though, although I would be really happy if you didn’t have anything to criticize”, he says playing with his computer mouse.

Your eyes only now snap to his desktop to look at the project Yoongi is so excited to show you. Different coloured sound waves stacked over one another are greeting you and once you accept the fact, that you had no idea what they meant, your eyes settle on the title of his project.

“Underneath the Cherry Blossom Trees”

The title is written in English with the Korean letters in brackets next to it. The name sounds so much different than what his other projects do, normally he would name them with weird letters and number, but not actual titles. Yoongi never uses titles.

“What exactly is that project about?” you ask him to which he shrugs his shoulders.

“Just sit and listen”, he tells you before slamming his thumb on the enter key.

Slow piano music starts playing and your eyes follow the cursor race over the sound waves. Yoongis puts his hand over your eyes, darkness engulfing you.

“Don’t look just listen”, he whispers into your ear and you nod closing your eyes underneath his hand and relaxing into his chest.

A slow hip-hop beat joins the piano melody making you nod your head to the beat automatically. Suddenly Yoongi deep voice joins the soft melody surprising you at first. He raps, something you had never heard him do before and you tighten the clutch around his arm.

The lyrics are mostly about his struggles and his fear of losing people until the mood changes with the beginning of a string orchestra. Yoongi starts rapping about your first encounter, he talks about how you had changed his life for the better and you swallow feeling butterflies starting to dance in your stomach.

Yoongi continues rapping about you, comparing your eyes to the brightest stars in the galaxy and your smile to the warm light of the morning sun. He raps about your soft lips on his and how all of his struggles can be overcome as long as he is being held by you.

The melody ends abruptly all of a sudden and you hold your breath. You can hear Yoongi breathing heavily into the microphone before his deep voice sounds one last time. He is whispering, the declaration of his love for you the last thing before the song finally comes to an end.

You can hear Yoongi slam his finger on the enter key again, but you don’t dare to open your eyes. Tears are burning painfully in your eyes and you are sure that if you open them you will start crying uncontrollably.

“And?” Yoongis voice sounds small, he is probably scared that you didn’t like it.

But you liked, loved it even. You loved it so much, but still you feel nothing but guilt. Yoongi loves you so much, he dedicated you a whole song, rapping about how beautiful you are to him and how important you are in his life. And here you are, sitting on his lap with the cum of another man in your underwear.

“Did you not like it?” he asks, the hurt is obvious in his voice and you shake your head, the movement making the tears spill out of your closed eyes.

“No, I, I loved it so much”, you stutter before breaking into sobs.

You are sure you would have fallen off of Yoongis lap, if it wasn’t for his strong arms wrapping around you and pressing you against his body. Your head hangs low, the tears running down your cheeks and spilling onto Yoongis arm. He shushes you, kissing every part of your face your current position allows him to.

“Don’t cry baby, it’s okay I’m here”, he soothes you, “Come on turn around let me look at you”, he tells you, urging you on to move on your lap with a gentle tap to your side.

You blindly follow his commands, standing up before sitting down on his lap again facing him this time around. Yoongis left arm wraps around your middle again and his right hand comes resting on your face to wipe the tears away.

“I love you so much Y/N”, he breathes, smiling at you.

You force yourself to reciprocate his smile, despite your heart aching in your chest from the guilt you are feeling.

“I, I love you too”, you respond weakly before falling forwards and hiding your face in his neck.

You can’t bear to look at his love-filled eyes and fond smile it makes you want to throw up. You sob again and Yoongis grip around your waist tightens.

“It’s okay baby, I’m here, I won’t leave you, I promise to stay by your side just like I said in the song. I love you baby”, he tries his hardest to sooth you with loving words, which makes you cry just all the more.

“Baby did, did I say something that made you cry that much right now? Are you okay? Don’t, don’t cry anymore”, he says once you haven’t been able stop crying even after ten minutes had passed.

Yes, it is your fault that I am crying right now; you are too good for me Min Yoongi, I don’t deserve you, you think to yourself and shake your head afterwards.

“No, I’m just-“, you pause to force down a sob, “-just so-“, you pause again to take a deep breath, “-so happy”, you force out and you can hear Yoongi breath out in relief.

“I’m so relieved, I actually thought that I made you sad with this song, but now that I know that you are actually crying from happiness I feel so happy myself”, he chuckles and presses a kiss to the side of your head. “My beautiful princess”, he adds inhaling the scent of your shampoo.

“Stop being so perfect Min Yoongi”, you mumble, an honest request on your side, your heart starts aching again already. But Yoongi understands it as nothing more than an innocent compliment and he giggles shyly.

“Says the right person I have literally the most perfect fiancé ever”, he giggles and you press your eyes shut, not wanting to cry again.

“I don’t deserve you”, you whisper so quietly that you are sure Yoongi wouldn’t have been able to hear you if it wasn’t for the close proximity the two of you share.

“Don’t say stuff like that baby. It’s me who doesn’t deserve you, you are just so beautiful and amazing baby”, he tells you forcing you to sit up and look at him.

He smiles at you before cupping both of your cheeks and pulling you in to kiss you. You let him, soon melting into his gentle touch. You need it, need to force your heart to remember to whom it should actually belong to.

[angermango]

[slides into inbox] wanna talk about those elementals real quick

OH BOY WOULD I !!!

so i dunno how much detail i should put out here on the get go, especially with the whole thing where i’m still unsure as to whether or not I should use them as Mortal Kombat OCs/fan interpretations of canon characters or just OCs on their own (in which case they’d be just ordinary elementals although i guess they can still be gods? :V)

Regardless they’re all supposed to be ageless immortal non-humans in human form sort of dudes who are basically the embodiments of the classical elements with so much power they’re basically deities by any other name so take your pick

Down here’s a guide to your friendly neighbourhood elementals (cut because it got LONG):

Ohona

Earth elemental/deity

Name based on a Japanese earth god named Ohonamochi (though he doesn’t really share much in common with the myths etc surrounding that guy, just the namesake)

He has control over the element of earth but also can manipulate anything under the earth so that includes metal and even minerals/gems

He’s the definition of a ‘gentle giant’ like he’s well over 7ft tall and broad like an ox but he’s the chillest and loveliest guy you’ll ever meet

Ohona’s kindness is freakin’ legendary. Even the nastiest of people would be hard pressed not to admit he’s such a nice guy they feel bad going up against him. If someone pulled a knife on him and demanded money Ohona’d fuckin give them his entire purse and then invite them for a meal and tea.

His big friendly giant thing means he’s probably classified as a pacifist, or at the very least one of those “Martial Pacifists” who doesn’t kill or use more force than necessary

His fighting style prioritises defence, the kind of Big Beefy defence trading on speed where he aims to outlast his opponents and keep his own attacking to a minimum. He’d much rather see his enemies give up than be forced to hurt them, sometimes deliberately letting them wear themselves out so he can approach and possibly talk it out with them without having to raise a hand

That said if he does ever have to attack he hits like a freaking bus on a train. He knows proper martial arts forms and everything so don’t think just because he’s a tank he doesn’t have skill or strength

He likes using his element to form shields and even armour around himself. He got the standard rock armour look down, but if the situation calls he can even scare up full metal or even diamond armour and shields

He is able to transform into a purely elemental form which is like a huge golem made of rock (like the MK Earth God). He’s even bigger and tankier in that form, but he rarely cracks it out unless it’s Serious Business and the situation calls for being huge and strong

He can also change up his elemental form if given enough time so sometimes y’all get metal golem Ohona or diamond golem Ohona stomping around. good luck if you ever go up against that.

Something of a nomad when he’s out and about in human form. He loves travelling, mostly for the hiking and scenery. I mean yeah he can teleport (usually as a small sandstorm or sometimes in a sort of ‘sink into the earth and pop out elsewhere’) but where’s the fun in that? He’s very much one with nature and his element and lives off the earth sort of thing, enjoying the great outdoors and sleeping under the stars

Brilliant gardener despite plants not being his domain, mostly owing to his naturally excellent care of the earth

Absolute animal lover and friend to everything that moves

That also includes the super freaky and dangerous animals. catch him treating a 13ft gator like a dog and getting it to roll over for belly rubs or calling one of them bird-eating giant tarantulas his hairy baby.

He’s really friendly and warm to humans he meets regardless of whether they acknowledge his power or not. He likes spending time helping them out however he can with his powers be it helping them do some gardening or fixing stuff up

He’s a talented hand in sculpting, carving, jewellery and pottery craft to name a few. He’s got a rather infamous habit of making some incredible pieces then just giving them away and fucking off, leaving people with these beautiful pieces of art which are completely anonymous and literally priceless

He always makes time to visit Hinoka and Suijin either separately or as a get-together. They’re his two best buddies and he is always happy to keep Hinoka company or keep an eye on Suijin.

Hinoka

Fire elemental/deity

His… is actually not a real deity’s name, I think i remember seeing some fan names for the unnamed MK fire god using it and liked it. sorry oddball

(ED) o I think i found the origin it’s probably from the Shinto fire kami Kagutsuchi who is sometimes known Hinokagutsuchi or Hi-no-kagutsuchi waddayaknow - he doesn’t share the same myth as Kagutsuchi tho but now we know his name isn’t completely random hey-oh

As a Fire guy he controls flame but also heat, being able to thermoregulate his body and the air around him. He can also absorb fire and heat so he’s like immune to burning too and can put out fires by standing in them.

His elemental form is of course basically a humanoid bonfire, though he’s able to not make himself wholly flammable so he can walk around indoors and around people without making everything catch alight, but his elemental form can also still burn people on contact through radiating heat. it’s elemental magic man he don’t got to explain

He’s a very capable fighter in both martial arts and also swordfighting as his weapon of choice. cause you know what’s better than a sword? A FLAMING sword. He also mixes in the classic fire-bending tricks where he can, fireballs and flamethrowers and so on.

Got a very fast and ‘keep away’ sort of fighting style where he favours AOE kinds of moves to keep people at a distance with the threat of getting barbecued or beat to hell. Expect rings of fire, explosions and sweeping fireballs sort of thing, as well as a lot of constant moving around to make it hard to pin him down.

kind of a hermit so he doesn’t actually really go out and interact with people a lot save for his fellow elementals. and even then he’s pretty quiet and shy and it takes a lot to coax him out of his shell

If you do manage to get through to him he’s quite a nice guy. perhaps still not the most talkative, but he’s not going to be rude or anything

He has a thing where if he gets startled or embarrassed he sometimes accidentally lights himself on fire and Shenanigans Ensue. It’s often a bit of a chain reaction because say you surprise him and he flares up, and then he gets embarrassed for flaring up, then he gets embarrassed that he can’t stop flaring up etc.

The reason for his reclusiveness is pretty sad actually. He’s cripplingly afraid of hurting people with his powers because he knows he can deal some serious damage with them. That’s the thing with fire, it doesn’t need a lot to get going and can spread very quickly. But because he isolates himself and stews in his fear he doesn’t have much control when he is around people and loses control when he’s stressed and then continues to fear being around people…

And the reason why this fear started is even sadder. A very, very long time ago, Hinoka once lost control of his powers in a blind rage and made a desert. A really, really big desert. Out of land which was once fertile and thriving. And inhabited. He still hasn’t forgiven himself for it and it’s really not a good idea to bring it up.

Because of what happened, that’s why he only hangs out around the other two elementals and any other immortals, because he knows he can’t hurt them that badly if something ever went wrong.

He tends to retreat to extremely remote regions and in very basic conditions, like a cabin or even a small cave, far from civilisation.

He prefers temperate to hot climates but like even if he was in the Arctic he is always warm himself so it’s not a big deal.

He spends most of his free time meditating and practicing forms in an attempt to de-stress and get some control over his powers. He also reads sometimes (though he fears for his books) and has gotten fairly good at cooking as a past time (even though he doesn’t quite need to eat like a human).

Speaking of his food the other two elementals always like dropping by to keep him company over a meal or to share new recipes/try his new recipes. Always an evening well spent.

Despite popular beliefs and stereotypes, he doesn’t like spicy food. Too much spice will hurt and then he’ll become stressed and because he’s stressed his fire aura will flare up and so yeah he doesn’t do spice.

Suijin

Water elemental/deity

Named after Shinto water kami of the same name

To put it bluntly Suijin’s like. a massive jerk.

Of all the elementals Suijin is the one with the lowest opinion of humans/mortals.

His reason is because he mostly spends more time in the sea and not integrating with humans.

And also because humans keep dumping their crap in the oceans and he’s left choking in it and clearing it all up so STOP DOING THAT YOU OIL PISSING FUCKMONKEYS

oh yeah he’s got an atomic temper and a vocabulary to match. being immortal just means he’s had more time to pick up some fantastic new curses to try out.

speaking of his temper he’s seriously got waayyyy to small a fuse and he’s so extremely hot-blooded there’s no in betweens when it comes to chill or no chill. one moment you could be talking about ice cream the next he’s chokeslamming you because you put sprinkles on it.

fun fact when he gets mad he often literally steams with anger

He also puts zero effort into his appearance when around mortals, his robes always looking scruffy and half-undone. see if he gives a shit what you think.

He prefers being in his elemental form most of the time, which is just a human-shaped mass of water. In this form he can melt into bodies of water and travel as a puddle, letting him go pretty much anywhere he likes. However he’s also vulnerable to extreme heat or cold in this form since it will dry him out or freeze him solid

His control of the element of water means he’s also technically got power over all water in all its forms including vapour e.g. steam and clouds. He’s also not limited to the water which is immediately around since he can call up water from any source or even move some clouds over for a top up. He could even create water on the spot from the air or dump a tidal wave on your doorstep even if you live inland. don’t try him. He’s also picked up some ice tricks, which also helps make him less vulnerable to being frozen

True to his personality and element he’s got a very aggressive and fluid fighting style that attacks on all sides and constantly moves and changes to take everyone by surprise. One minute he’s in your face with his fists the next he’s using Hydro Pump from a distance and then stabbing you from behind with his spear and calling you a bitch.

Okay so i said he’s a jerk and he is, but he’s also kind of a ‘jerk with a heart of gold’ guy in a way. For all his temper and foul mouth he can be decent to people when it matters. He’s still a surly grouch even around friends but he makes the effort not to be needlessly cruel and if his yelling and cursing genuinely upsets anyone he’ll dial it back and even apologise if he overstepped.

He’s also very loyal to those he is actually friends with. He may be a little intense about it, but he’s super ride-or-die and will tear anyone who threatens, upsets or insults his friends a new one. And he might not be the best with his words, but he would want what’s best for his friends and won’t hesitate to speak his mind with advice or criticism in their best interests.

He mostly keeps the company of the other elementals and non-mortals, though whenever he does make contact with humans who haven’t ticked him off it’s by the sea since he rarely roams far from his element.

Believe it or not, he and Hinoka are best friends. Hinoka is like Suijin’s one soft spot who he’ll move heaven and earth to keep happy and safe.

When Suijin is around Hinoka he basically does a 180 and becomes super considerate and careful around him. He won’t raise his voice and minds his manners, though he knows Hinoka doesn’t mind him grumbling and cursing a bit and it’s more he will be more mindful not to sound all negative and get loud and mean around Hinoka because he knows Hinoka doesn’t like it.

He knows about why Hinoka is so afraid of going outside and has been doing his best to support him ever since the incident. He visits often to check in on him and keep him company. He also knows Hinoka feels safer with him around because he is the only person Hinoka can’t actually hurt with his fire powers (as in Suijin can’t even get burned where Ohona can still) and Suijin can always put out fires quickly.

Hinoka is also Suijin’s biggest berserk button. Don’t ever insult let alone hurt Hinoka in front of him or Suijin will actually tear you in half.

He’s also just as close to Ohona despite not seeming it at first glance. He often seems like he just gripes a lot to Ohona but he genuinely appreciates Ohona’s consideration and patience around him and being a loyal friend. Suijin will just as easily jump in to defend and fight for Ohona too like he does Hinoka, but less often since he knows Ohona can handle himself and barely has problems.

[thisnerdsadventures]

summer reflection

remarkable that 12 weeks have passed so fast. 10/10 would not recommend the whole time passing thing. Main reason is you end up sad because something that was fun is over because time passes, like what even

once again, cannot speak highly enough about my summer experience and the people i met. I feel like last year I met a lot of other interns, but this year I mostly got to know my team a lot more! Got a chance to read my post from last year, and I’m pretty sure I bothered my host even. more. this year with questions literally all the time!! so thats amazing

I definitely feel like last year was a lot of “oh my god what is happening WOW THIS IS ACTULALY HAPPENING wait what is happening OH MY GOD ITS HAPPENING” but like for 11 weeks straight with little pause, and this year was a lot more "ah yes i feel more like a Full Time Adult” because I was more primarily hanging out with my team rather than other interns, and my project also felt like a much more complex thing that i had more ownership over. Which was cool! we stan personal growth

I would say that looking back, I think I should’ve set more clear goals for myself because having literally had like four days in between the start of my internship and the end of final exams, I didn’t really have any concrete mental preparation going in, and once I was there, it mostly just like “Ah. I’m here. What now,” especially since I had interned there last summer as well. But even on the first day, I knew that the summer had a lot of potential to be more involved than last, mostly because I was actually. sitting. with my. team. (a ConcEPt) and they seemed to talk to each other. at full volume. reMarkaBLE. Overall, I would say the whole experience was cool because part of it kinda gave off startup-y vibes (we had /basically/ our own half-floor/conference room/phone room, and there were only 20 Photos folks in our whole office), but still you felt like part of a larger larger org, like in conference calls and office-wide events and other infra stuff.

anyways, felt like this summer was more team-focused rather than company-focused, which was a different feel from last summer, but would rec! really could see myself coming back full time to the team, but got a couple more years to go first :D

cool stuff that happened in the last eight weeks of my internship (since my first post was the first four weeks)

went to some vegan food festival in cambridge

played basketball a bunch of times with some local alums

volunteered at a local org called Cradles to Crayons, who basically puts together care packages for underprivileged kids in the Boston area

filmed a vlog. or two

worked on a hammock

drank kombucha

the great california trip of 2019

went to a red sox game. we hit so many home runs!

went to canobie lake park for the CAM office outing 

met some youtubers! (gaby and allison, from just between us, or buzzfeed)

saw dear evan hansen. yes i cried a lot. but also before this we went to this great italian place in kendall called sulmona and had a delicious cheese board. i really do think this was a strong highlight of the summer

went to revere beach with a friend and got spring shabu shabu at 9:30pm at night

saw the farewell with some people from my team. continued to cry some more. we then ate ice cream and hot fudge we found in the office straight from the container

n e w y o r k

had 4 mock interviews. was slightly stressed

Theres no better place but here to mention the gochujang grilled cheese. some smart person decided it was a great idea to put gochujang in grilled cheese. this was an ingenious idea

Made a photobook filled with memes for my host. Shipped it to my dorm, but forgot that i was a) moving out of the dorm, likely before it would ship and b) very possibly leaving the country before it would arrive. continued to be slightly stressed

made dumplings at a team offsite. got flashbacks to when i was a child making dumplings and got shamed for not wrapping them well

formal friday! and cake

went on a boat cruise in the harbor! but not before our bus driver got lost and proceeded to drive 3 times around south station and then twice around the entire seaport before finally arriving 1.5 hours later when we had essentially traveled two miles

played board games. in the process might have scared the shit out of someone

my uncle/aunt/cousin came from taiwan to visit boston! we ate a lot of food

Moved dorms

got caught in an awk work situation where i almost got carded at the door during happy hour

presented my project twice. i cannot explain over text the level of memes i put in my slides, but it was good. very quality, if i say so myself. overall, was not a fool

went to gyukaku for end of internship lunch! and my manager’s manager’s manager gave me eggs from his chickens. played more board games to finish out my last day. fell out of a chair

wow that was actually quite a lot lol. anyways this summer was def a W, despite all the project challenges, MEng crises, and dealing with living by myself with most friends in other places for the first time in a hot sec. Because of the aforementioned, I think I was actually kind of stressed this summer, but I think the biggest W of this summer was definitely meeting my team, I’ve def never been in a work environment where in just 12 weeks, I was able to feel this comfortable being myself and to laugh and have fun. anyways, I’ll leave it at that, the next few posts will probably be “Why I decided to MEng”, “interior decorating to avoid responsibilities”, “top 10 recs to start out freshman year” and “semester 4.1 preview”!

[gumnut-logic]

John hated taking public transport

For @onereyofstarlight​ because she asked for Claret: Talk about a memorable experience on public transport.

As for me...

I’m with Johnny on this one. I needs my space :D

I hope you enjoy this. Younger!Tracys :D

-o-o-o-

John Tracy hated taking public transport.

He hated the cramped seats, the invasion of his personal space, the fact the bus stopped every few minutes to pick up more passengers and the noise.

It was stressful, annoying and far too full of people.

But the astrolabs were too far from the dorm to hike it or bike it, so bus it was.

He mapped out the most direct route, left early to avoid the crowds and handled it the best he could. Earphones helped and he never travelled without his tablet and a network connection.

He made do.

He made do for over a year. Every morning and every night.

The work was fascinating and he thoroughly enjoyed it. He considered getting a car, but it wasn’t practical and parking was non-existent, so he stuck with the bus.

Despite the fact he hated it.

Every trip he buried himself in his own world whether it be his work, research, a good book or even a movie. He shut the world out and more importantly anyone who sat next to him.

Sometimes this was not possible.

Because sometimes they spoke to him.

John had been brought up polite. His grandmother would have slapped his wrist if she found out he was ignoring people. So, he always replied. Often concisely, but always watching his manners.

That often opened the floodgates. Because if there was anything common between big cities it was the people who were lost in them, desperately alone in a sea of faces.

John liked being alone to a certain extent, but he was blessed with a close and large family.

Some people had no one.

So, ever so reluctantly, he found himself answering their call for help.

The first was Mrs Bucklin. She was a tiny woman, well dressed, but slightly scented with mothballs as if her clothes hadn’t been out of the closet in a long time.

She sat right beside him and immediately enquired as to what he was doing.

At the time he was coding a new game and her sharp voice startled him enough for his fingers to slip and enter a chain of commands he had not intended. He would have sworn if he was alone, but the program righted itself and the new commands, instead of corrupting and crashing the function, actually appeared to improve it. He frowned and hastily input some bridging structures so the code wouldn’t fragment, idly wondering if the error would improve the game, ruin it, have him need to rewrite the whole section or be the spark that would initiate sentience.

Great, his tablet would rise up and eat him while he was distracted by a random bus passenger.

She did apologise and he did reassure her that it was all okay in the hope she would let him be.

She didn’t.

He learnt she had three cats, a niece in another country (he didn’t gather which because the woman’s pronunciation defied translation), that she had lost her son in the Global Conflict, she liked his hair (that was a first) and that he looked like an intelligent young man.

He acknowledged her quietly and politely as he eyed his code and the results of an initial compile test. How did it do that?

Her cats were named Scottie, Gordy and Allie.

He did blink at that, but didn’t comment.

Eventually, she said goodbye and got off the bus at her stop.

He would have forgotten about her, except she sat next to him the next day and the day after that.

Apparently, this was her route to work, and he was such a polite young man.

Three weeks later she admitted he made her feel safe just by being there. She had been mugged three times in her life and public transport was as much a bane for her as it was for him.

He actively kept an eye out for her after that.

Gus was a different matter.

Gus didn’t have a home and he often rode the bus just for the air conditioning and comfort.

He sat on the other side of the walkway to John. He didn’t say much and would likely have never said anything if it hadn’t been for the gang of boys who decided to throw verbal potshots at him one day.

John had had an all-nighter with exams coming up, so he was cranky. His latest project had stalled – the same game he had been tackling when Mrs Bucklin had startled him. The core of the program had become a little unpredictable and he couldn’t work out why.

So, when a group of teenagers crawled to the back of the bus and started needling a fellow passenger, it was not only a situation where the innocent man appeared to need a bit of a rescue, but it also pissed John off.

There were four of them. Teenagers flocked in groups apparently. He’d never been one for that formation himself, but he knew of them, had encountered them and Virgil had kicked a few of their asses for him.

John was in college now.

He could kick his own fair share of ass quite happily.

“Leave the man alone, or I will call the police.” He raised his voice, but not his head, transmitting all the body language of how beneath his notice they were and how he might respond if they didn’t comply.

“Mind your own business, kook!”

There was always a brave one amongst the group, usually the ringleader, the head dickhead.

At least they were only teenagers.

This time he did look up and put all that communication theory into the coldest stare possible. “Excuse me?”

All four of them froze. Hell, they couldn’t be older than fifteen, somewhere between Gordy and Alan. If either of his brothers acted like this, there were three older brothers who would quite firmly re-educate them on proper conduct.

Not that he thought either of his younger brothers would do such a thing.

In any case, all four of them stared at him wide-eyed. The eldest swore and climbed out of his seat just as the bus pulled up at the next stop. He snarled at John as he stalked past, spitting profanities. His cohorts followed and they climbed off the bus.

It was lovely and quiet after that and John went back to tackling his misbehaving program.

“Thank you, sir.”

John blinked up at the unkempt man who had been the centre of the teenagers’ torment.

A small smile. “You’re welcome.”

Was this variable being changed by the program itself? How the hell could it do that?

He didn’t fail to notice after that incident that Gus, as he introduced himself the next time they met, always sat near John on his rides, morning or evening.

John met other people. Mrs Magarey and her three young children always needed a hand with her pram. John sometimes took advantage of this and stuck the pram in the footwell of the seat next to him so no-one could sit there.

That made Mrs Bucklin sit behind him and whisper her stories in his ear.

He wasn’t sure if he was comfortable with that either.

Two other students from his faculty took the same bus as well. Ridley was in the year behind him and always had a friend on the phone. She chattered a lot and he learnt to tune her out.

Well, until the day he boarded the bus and found her crying into her tablet.

She had lost her entire thesis in a computer crash. He was polite. He enquired and she answered, staring up at him as if she had never seen him before. Which was entirely possible. John didn’t like to draw attention to himself.

He accompanied her off the bus that day and delved into her damaged computer. He dug up her thesis and she gushed all over him, even crying into his sweater.

He hugged her awkwardly and wished her all the best.

After that, she always said hello and had a smile for him.

John smiled back, but his program was still not behaving. It acted as if it had a mind of its own and it was very distracting.

Mrs Bucklin said it sounded like cat number two, Gordy. Never behaving, but always loveable.

John stared at her when she said that, and wondered if she knew more than she was letting on.

The day Virgil landed in the seat beside him on the way to the labs startled him enough to drop his tablet.

“Hey, Johnny.”

He fumbled between the seats for the device. “Don’t call me Johnny.”

“Sorry.” But he could tell Virgil was anything but.

His fingers touched the cool metal of his tablet and he scrabbled for it. “What are you doing here?”

“Can’t a brother drop in on his brother to see how he is doing?”

John eyed him. If it was Scott sitting next to him or Gordon, he might have been suspicious of any double meaning his brother might be communicating. But this was Virgil and although the engineer had a sense of humour that could cut when necessary, this wasn’t his style.

“I guess he can. But why the bus?”

Virgil shrugged. “Didn’t catch you early enough. Barely caught the bus behind you. I thought your classes didn’t start until later.”

“They don’t.”

“Then why are you up so early?”

It was John’s turn to shrug. “Just avoiding the crowds, I guess.”

Virgil eyed him with a slightly worried frown.

“And who is this lovely young man who has taken my seat?”

Oh god.

Virgil stared up at Mrs Bucklin as she bustled in to sit behind them.

An internal sigh. “Mrs Bucklin, this is my brother Virgil.”

“Your brother?” She eyed Virgil as if inspecting him for sale. “Doesn’t look like you at all. Where’s the red hair?”

Virgil arched a dark eyebrow.

“Nevertheless, Mrs Bucklin, Virgil is my older brother.”

“Then how come we haven’t met before? You’ve been travelling this route for a year now and we haven’t seen hide or hair of him.” She continued to glare at Virgil as if he was a threat.

Virgil was shifting in his seat, his expression decidedly wary.

“Virgil has been assisting my father on a project. He’s an engineer. I’m unsure what he is doing here right now.”

“Hmph, well, in my opinion, he should have been here earlier.” She addressed Virgil directly. “Did you know your sweet little brother has been a bastion of this bus route, defending and assisting all?”

What?

John’s head shot up. “Mrs Bucklin-“

“Don’t you go all humble pie on me, young man. I saw what you did to those teenagers and how you help young Mollie every week. That girl is going to work herself into an early grave. And poor Gus, you’ve given him a new reason to try. Did you know he has enrolled himself in a course? Got himself a grant from the government and everything. Got help from that employment assistance group. Not to mention that doe-eyed young student who stares at you with love hearts floating about her head. I don’t know what you did for her, but I have no doubt she would do anything for you if you asked.” She turned back to Virgil, accusation in her eyes. “Why haven’t you been looking after your brother?”

Virgil’s wide eyes darted between John and the older woman.

John had no idea what to say.

“Well?” Mrs Bucklin’s glare was determined.

“Ah-“

“Is this man harassing you?”

John looked up to see Gus looming over Virgil.

You know, the Virgil who lifted weights that weighed more than his brothers on a daily basis.

John frowned. Gus had a new coat on and was looking much healthier than the last time he paid attention. “No, Gus. This is my older brother Virgil.”

And Virgil was subjected to another staring glare. “Doesn’t look like your brother.”

What?!

“I can assure you that he is indeed my caring older brother and he is not neglecting me in any way.”

Gus grunted, still glaring at Virgil. He nodded in John’s direction. “Make sure he eats more. He’s too skinny.”

That started Mrs Bucklin off again. “My goodness, yes. John you do not eat enough. Have you tried any of those recipes I recommended?”

Gus was still eyeing Virgil.

Virgil appeared to be regretting several recent life choices.

“I’m fine, Mrs Bucklin.” He raised his hands. “And both of you, Virgil is not responsible for my wellbeing.”

His tablet beeped. A glance and he found a text message from Ridley. You okay over there?

He looked up and found her at the other end of the bus staring back at him worriedly.

A sigh.

A flick of his fingers. I’m fine.

He turned back to Virgil who was literally cornered, only for his tablet to chime again.

You free tonight?

Oh, for the love of-

“Guys, Virgil is my big brother. He looks after me. He cares. I’m fine. He’s here for a visit. I don’t know why yet. Stop glaring at him.”

Gus grunted again and wandered off to his seat. He didn’t stop eyeing John’s brother for a second.

Mrs Bucklin let off a slightly miffed sound before leaning back in her seat. “He better. Or I have a mind to bring Scottie with me next time. Or maybe Gordy. To teach him a lesson.”

What the hell?

“No need, Mrs Bucklin. I assure you.”

Virgil was staring at John as if he wasn’t sure what planet he was on.

John sighed.

Yeah, he hated public transport.

It was stressful, annoying and far too full of people.

His tablet pinged again. This time it was the program he was working on. It was claiming it was dawn despite the fact the sun had risen an hour ago. He let out an exasperated hiss.

Virgil was still staring at him.

Damn public transport.

-o-o-o-

FIN.

[thetravellingvagrant]

Day 1- Glasgow/Warsaw: In Which I Rob The Post Office Again

Long time readers of this blog- all two of them- will likely be acutely aware of phenomenon I have come to refer to as the 'first day curse'. For new readers- all none of them- this curse strikes, as you might expect, on the first day of my trip and, without exception, turns what should, for all intents and purposes, be the most exciting part of my journey into an unrelentingly shitty maelstrom of sadness and fuck. Be it getting dragged around a museum of the European Parliament while about six hours beyond my elastic limit of staying awake; getting turned away from my couchsurfing host's apartment for several hours, to fend off cold and blisters by a diminutive racist; accidentally committing a home invasion or just getting fucked time after time by bastard taxi drivers, who seem to make it their business to ruin my life, the FDC is ever-present and ever-shitty in this Vagrant life of mine.

But not this year. I was determined to swerve that bullshit however I could, this time; my journey to  Warsaw, the first stop of this trip, had been planned to a tee; I had managed to finagle an honest-to-God lift to the airport with my very helpful mother, nearly entirely eliminating the possibility of missing my flight, which I seem to manage to do, each and every time I fly by myself and perhaps, most important of all, as detailed in my last entry, I had already basically had my FDC this year, with the absolute shit-show of a day I had had, trying to get my passport sorted. Surely the travel-gods would see this as enough penance to let me pass both unhindered and unfucked into Vagrancy, for once. Just once, travel-gods. Be cool. Jesus.

I woke up bright and early, or at least early, in my own lovely bed for what will be the last time for almost a month and quickly set about mopping up the remaining tasks on my to-do list for the trip, including- but not limited to- faffing around trying to get the export settings right on Adobe's Premier Pro for a video I had been working on (which, let me tell you, is a lot of fun to do under pressure and with a strict time-limit), general packing of way more things than I need and having a series of increasingly severe mini-breakdowns.

While my flight didn't leave until 7:30pm, I regardless found myself with little time to spare in my flat, due to my having an unavoidable dentist's appointment (whose office, those of you who read the previous entry will know, is located close to my parent's house and is therefore some distance from my flat) at two in the afternoon.

By some miracle, I finished my to-do list, or at least the most important items on it in reasonably good time, or at least in enough time to still make it to the appointment if I hurried and caught a bus to the train station and so bid my cat a remarkably brief, though no less tearful than usual farewell

I won’t miss you.

And was quickly on my way to have my teeth all messed about. Hurrah.

Trips to the dentist, I'm aware, aren't usually regarded as a particularly pleasant thing, regardless, but holy shit, was this ever not a pleasant trip to the dentist. The appointment lasted a full hour (fifteen minutes longer than was scheduled, which was very helpful on a day when time was so limited for me) and consisted almost entirely of having the inflamed pulp inside one of my teeth jabbed at with a needle, which uh, yeah, isn't too great, let me tell you. The little cherry on top of the bakewell tart of shit that had been my orthodontic experience was the anaesthetic injection in my gums: it seemed that I was to spend the rest of my day with my face entirely numb in, apparently, every part of it except the bits that hurt. I was also told to expect my tooth to ache like buggery during my flight. So that was a treat.

A bit shaken and now behind schedule, I left the dentist to return to my parent's house briefly to pick up my passport, check in for my impending flight and to put some music and podcasts on my phone so as not to be terribly bored for the rest of my evening.

Ryanair do a lot of shit wrong- Like a lot- but I've got to say that being able to check in and get my boarding pass on my phone is a nice touch, or at least one that just about finally brings them level with other, better airlines in literally just that one aspect. Or...at least it should have been...

I entered my details into the app, triumphantly pressed 'continue' with an uncharacteristic arrogance for someone dealing with anything to do with Ryanair and...an error occurred. For god's sake, Ryanair, pull your shit together. I pressed the button again, my confidence slightly dented, but still in tact. Error. Umm.

“Okay...” I thought, “so the app's not working. I suppose I can always go and physically print the passes like some fucking caveman”.

I loaded the Ryanair website, my confidence now all but entirely replaced with pure vexation and...it wasn't there. Not my boarding pass- the website. It was down for maintenance and apparently had been for some time- days in fact. Indeed with a quick Google, I learned that it was national (albeit quite tabloidy) news that this website was down. People physically couldn't check in for their flights and were being stung for £55 for it when they arrived at the airport because of it, while Ryanair, in an ostrichian level display of burying their heads in the sand were maintaining through all this that the website was up, running and fully functional despite clear empirical evidence to the contrary.

I checked my phone. I needed to leave; I still had to pick up a travel money card at the post office and get some food before I headed to the airport and had no more time to spare, angrily pressing 'continue' over and over again, sighing a little louder each time it didn't work.

My mother and I bundled ourselves and my luggage into her car and drove quickly to a nearby town. I darted off into the post office for my card and she into Morrisons to buy some very delicious food for me, which was very nice of her, even if I was in far too bad a mood to properly acknowledge it at the time.

I had realised, some time prior, that I had also managed to forget my gloves. Given that I'd be travelling to basically Russia in the winter and realising that historically that can go poorly, I was understandably a little worried about this. It came as a genuinely nice surprise then to find that the post office sold nice gloves at he very reasonable price of £1.50 a pair. I grabbed two sets (for layering purposes) and headed to the till. I obtained my travel money card fairly effortlessly (#humblebrag) and left with it and my gloves in hand. So to speak. Wait, shit- I had been so wrapped up in getting the card and dwelling on the unbelievable amount of garbage that had been slopped on top of me throughout the day that I had actually forgotten to pay for not one, but two pairs of gloves, thereby robbing the post office for the second time in a week. Charles Bronson got life for that so I'm lucky to have gotten away with it.  Anyway, sorry post office. Again...

Travel money card, several pairs of stolen gloves and some very delicious food now obtained, my mother and I set off, finally, to Edinburgh airport. As we drove, I continued mashing the Ryanair app, desperately looking for signs of life, my already critically low optimism dwindling even further as I did. On the verge of giving up, the two hour cut off point for obtaining boarding passes looming within mere minutes, the app spluttered up all the water it had swallowed in that devastating surfing accident and took a deep, ragged breath. It wasn't much and being clinically dead for as long as it was, only to come back to life would clearly lead to massive brain damage, but that was all I needed to get my foot in the door and my grubby mitts on my boarding pass. I was overjoyed, though, and I've said this before of Easyjet, when you're made this happy by a service being offered simply working as advertised, that really does speak poorly of how high the bar is set for your company...

We ended up arriving at Edinburgh airport in genuinely quite good time, which was...surprising, considering how my day had been going, to say the least. My mother and I shared a tearful goodbye or I'm sure we at least would have done, if she wasn't so concerned about the cost of her stay in the drop-off zone going up the longer she stayed there and with a single punch on the arm in lieu of a hug, I was off.

I navigated the airport security with ease for once, with my bag and genitals left unfondled by surly old security guards and sat down in the duty-free costa with some time to spare. Despite having a bag of, and I really must stress this, like crazy delicious food with me, I decided to treat myself to a warm panini and a hot chocolate as due to a combination of needing to rush in the morning and having to wait after dental work in the afternoon, I hadn't yet eaten. As I chewed, using only the right side of my mouth, through my pigs-under-blanket panini and sipped my a-little-too-hot hot chocolate, I reflected. It seemed that the first day curse had regardless struck me once more, despite my best efforts to the contrary as, to be totally honest, I had had a pretty cack day. Still, at least I wasn't going to almost miss my flight, for once.

Oh, right, shit, my flight...

I looked at the time- the gate was closing. I'd spent too long reflecting like some genius prilosopher might... I pushed the rest of the panini into my already overstuffed mouth and forced it down with the remainder of my drink, burning my tongue quite badly in the process (probably considerably less like a genus philosopher might...) and sped off towards the gate. I don't know how I managed to get myself into this situation, but I now found myself in not insubstantial danger of missing my flight, despite having literally been inside the airport for the past hour and a half.

I approached my gate doing that kind of half-walk-half-trot thing that people do when they're in a hurry, but are still unwilling to go full-run.

“Are you going to Warsaw?!” a flight attendant, standing by the gate shouted to me, from some distance away

“Uh, yeah!” I replied, breathlessly.

Even as far apart as we were, I could tell that her face wore a look of mixed shock and pity

“...You'll have to hurry, then, they're getting ready to take off!”

I went full run. I charged through the gate and onto the plane as quickly as I could, stored my probably slightly too large bit of luggage in the overhead lockers (incidentally, being very, very late for a flight is a great way to get the attendants to conveniently forget to check the size of your bag) and sat down, sweating, dishevelled and manic to the demonstrable disappointment of my new seat-neighbour. I honestly don't blame him.

After an uncharacteristically pleasant flight, barring some minor air-pressure-related toothache, I was spat out into Warsaw Modlin airport and found myself almost immediately on a bus to the city centre. I'm not quite sure how I managed this, as by this point it was around 11:30 at night, I was still in pain, hadn't slept particularly well the previous night and was, by now, flagging badly, but I assume it was some kind of lovely witchcraft. Thanks, lovely witchcraft.

Once in Warsaw, proper, I quickly darted to the central station, which, through my very careful planning both my bus stop and hostel were adjacent to. Despite it pushing midnight, the station was still open and, although all I really wanted to do was go to bed, I thought it prudent to buy my ticket for tomorrow's early morning train journey to Belarus as soon as possible. I took my place in the queue, or at least what looked like a queue. The woman behind the counter appeared to be reading some kind of document on her computer; a strange thing to do, I thought, with a line of seven or so people, steadily climbing in number, waiting specifically for her attention. She continued to read this document and sip her coffee for the next forty minutes or so. It was dangerously close to 1:00am and I was dangerously close to putting the entire idea of getting a ticket before morning in a big flaming bin before she deigned to start actually doing her job and serving people again. Albeit slowly. I bumbled through buying my ticket in the most 'me' way possible (awkwardly, quietly and tinged with rage) and left for my hostel, head shaking in disbelief and body aching for sleep.

After a scant ten minute walk through the pervasively freezing Polish night, I had arrived. The door had been left ajar for me by the night-receptionist, who greeted me with a nod. I nodded back, somehow accidentally yanking the door closed in front of myself in the process. Great. Good start. I had managed to lock myself out of the hostel before even getting inside. With an audible sigh, even through the locked door, the receptionist forced herself out of her chair to re-open it for me. I apologised as I stepped inside. She started back at me blankly, apparently not speaking enough English to respond. She pointed to a clipboard sitting on her desk; on it were written the names of everyone checking in that night. I pointed to my own name and she led me to my room.

As she opened the door I was hit by an ungodly stench; a sickly sweet combination of feet, body odour and death. I wretched as quietly as my body would allow me to, unsure whether to tough it out and try to get used to the smell or just hold my breath all night.

The receptionist flicked the light on. An audible groan came from one of the bunks as the more irritable of my roommates was woken up by this. The receptionist pointed me to my bed and left. It was the bunk above the angry man. In a room of six beds, only three of which were occupied, including mine, it seemed that they had opted to put us as close to one another as we could physically fucking get, without sharing a bunk, which is honestly exactly what everyone wants in a hostel, anyway, so good show.

Not wanting to be 'that guy', I flicked the light off and, as quietly as I could, put my stuff away. I was hungry again, by this point and so decided to go and sit in the hostel's kitchen and eat some of my, as yet untouched, unbelievably delicious Morrisons swag. I grabbed my bag and headed out into the hostel's halls, quickly realising that there was no kitchen or indeed dining area of any kind. There was a toilet that stank perpeptually and very strongly of shit and a receptionist whose disdain for me seemed to only grow each time she laid eyes on me, but no kitchen. Unwilling to rustle sandwich containers and crisp packets on the top bunk of a sleeping man who genuinely may have hated me, I put the idea in a big flaming bin and opted to just go to bed, having eaten once and drank little more than a hot chocolate throughout the entire day.

I re-entered the bedroom as stealthily as possible, given the sleep I had had and realised all too quickly that the bed hadn't actually been made. They expected me to do that for myself, which, let's be totally honest here a) is among the last things I want to do when I'm exhausted and physically fatigued from travelling, b)is like super, super disruptive to the other people in the room and c) probably should already have been done before my arrival, right? I mean that's like hospitality 101.

With little recourse but to do it myself, though, I did just that. Shockingly, I did not manage to do it particularly quietly and even more shockingly than that, Mr. Angry didn't seem to appreciate my inability to noiselessly prepare my own bed at past-one-in-the-morning.

After some bumbling around with sheets, my bed was ready, or as ready as I could be bothered making it. I grabbed the ladder to my bunk and hoisted myself up onto it. The entire bed shook, unsecured bits of metal rattled against one another and the entire thing bent considerably on its axis. I don't know if you've seen the viral video of several hundred squeaky rubber chickens being pushed down on all at once, which made the rounds a year or two ago, but that was uncannily what it sounded like, except louder, deeper and sadder. I was one rung up the ladder.

Out of options, there was little I could do but push on- one thousand terrified chickens screaming in pain with every step, until finally I was in my bunk. The noise didn't abate, even then, ringing out, entirely undampened with every tiny movement I made, but at least the bed had stopped rocking back and forth like a tiny, shitty, uncomfortable boat.

Once actually in my bunk, the room's other issues began to make themselves apparent. While the bed did have barriers on the far side from the wall, these barriers were similarly flimsy to the rest of the structure and were so insignificant and strangely placed so as to do literally nothing to stop all my stuff falling off the bed during the night. The side of the bed pressed against the wall had no barriers whatsoever, instead opting for the 'sheer drop' approach, which obviously wouldn't have been an issue had it not been for the bed being positioned approximately a foot and a half away from the wall for absolutely no good reason. As it stood, it was fairly likely that my phone would fall off one side of the bed during the night and my body the other. My best efforts to counteract this came in the form of neatly folding my trousers and placing them under my pillow, with my phone nestled in the back pocket: in this way it was unlikely to be knocked to the floor in the night and I could still hear my alarm, even with earplugs in. And let me tell you, boy howdy did I ever need earplugs. Mr. Angry wasn't my only roommate- I was sharing with one other person as well. Actually, I say person, but I never did get a very good look at them and honestly, from the noises they were making during the night, you could have been forgiven for thinking that what I was actually bunking down with was a pig being butchered with a chainsaw. The noise was honestly inhuman; wet, droning slurps and gurgles emanated constantly from the far side of the room and cut straight to my core, regardless of how deep I pushed my lovely and usually very effective gummy earplugs into my terrible, broken brainbox. Combined with my squeaking chicken bed and that fucking smell, it was honestly a bit like going to sleep in an abattoir. An abattoir with no power outlets.

How's that for a Trip Advisor review?

[uruhabuns]

Sickie

Genre: fluff Pairing: girl!reader x jaeyoon, suggestions of reader x other sf9 members Word Count: ~3000 words a/n: i’ve been in a v v jaeyoon mood recently and i know how shitty it feels to miss out on performances you’ve practiced hard for when you’re sick, and that there’s not much writing centred around our precious honey boy :( so here’s a fluffy scenario no one asked for <3

__________

It was another chilly day spent studying at the university library. Atop the table sat your laptop, textbooks, and thermos filled with hot chocolate, ready for a day of powering through a knowingly procrastinated assignment that was due in two days.

After a few hours of typing up your essay, you decided to take a short break. You took a sip of hot chocolate as you scrolled through your Twitter feed. A single tweet then caught your eye: “Jaeyoon to not participate in SFDay due to illness”. You couldn’t help but sigh. You knew this was going to happen. Late night practices and gymming, dieting, and not to mention the freezing weather, had finally taken a toll on his health. It didn’t help that he was as stubborn as most guys were when they deny their deadly sickness in order to do something they wanted that they knew that was bad for them.

Irritated, you opened Kakaotalk to see the red notification to show that you had 300 new messages. You rolled your eyes, opening the app to message the group chat you and the boys put together (which you had on mute, because of how rowdy they could get, even in their chats). The messages kept coming, to which you assumed that they were in the middle of a conversation about something else, but you decided to interrupt for the sake of worrying.

[ _______ ] : Hey, is everyone okay? Have y’all gotten enough sleep? Eaten enough?

Not even moments later, one of them replied.

[ younggyun ] : yes mom, we have ㅎㅎㅎ

[ hyukie ] : ________!!!!! YOU’RE HERE!!!!!

[ taeyang ] : __________!!! We missed you ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ

A chuckle escaped your lips at how cute they were, no matter how annoying they could be. You could never stay mad at them.

[ _______ ] : Come on I haven’t been dead for that long ㅋㅋㅋ

[ hyukie ] : Yeah you have

[ hyukie ] : FOR THE PAST THREE HOURS

[ ________ ] : I WAS WRITING MY ESSAY YOU LITTLE SHIT

[ hyukie ] : R U D E

[ hyukie ] : HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT TO YOUR BEST FRIEND

[ seongseong~ ] : Stop procrastinating, _______!!

[ _________ ] : Oppaaaa~ help me with my assignment ;_____;;;; I’m not as smart as you

[ seongseong~ ] : I would if we had the day off ㅋ

[ ________ ] : Speaking of days off how’s yoonie-oppa doing? I heard he got sick ㅠ WHY DIDN’T Y’ALL TELL ME??

[ jjuongie ] : uhh...because we didn’t want you to worry?

[ ________ ] : HOW COULD YOU KEEP THIS FROM ME, JUHO?! I WOULD FIND OUT WHETHER YOU’D TELL ME OR NOT!!

[ jaeyoon ] : I feel like I could sink into the arms of sweet, sweet death

[ ________ ] : NOOOOO!!!!

[ jaeyoon ] : uggggghghsjklfgdjlf;d

[ ________ ] : Will you be okay? ;_;;;;

[ youngbin ] : OF COURSE NOT HE’S DYING, _______

[ ________ ] : Oh my god...

[ ________ ] : Boys...😒😒😒

[ chanhee~ ] : Noona, I think Jaeyoon-hyung might need some looking-after...

[ youngbin ] : Chan, she needs to concentrate on her assignment. Don’t distract her 😑

[ ________ ] : No, he’s right; I’m gonna head over to your place rn since y’all need some home-made food in your life anyways

[ seokwoo ] : Did you forget that my cooking exists?

[ _______ ] : 😉😉 love u too~

[ taeyang ] : OMG MAKE SOME FOR ME TOO I’LL LOVE YOU FOREVER!!

[ younggyun ] : Pls noona we love your food

[ jaeyoon ] : ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND, ________?? Don’t come here, you’ll get sick too!!

[ _______ ] : 🙄🙄🙄🙄

Figuring that you had enough of the chatroom for the day, you locked your phone, and placed it in your bag. You then packed up your things, and headed out of the library to catch a bus to the boys’ apartment. Though the essay was due in two days, you figured you could do it at their place, since they weren’t around until late at night anyway. Thoughts of worry flooded your mind throughout the bus journey. You wished they didn’t work their bodies so hard. You wished they didn’t agree to multiple comebacks within months of each other. And above all, you wished they would listen to you, and look after themselves.

The bus then came to a halt at the bus stop in front of the apartment block. You tapped your travel card before stepping out, and rushing inside the building. Once you reached the door of the boys’ unit, you took out the extra key card they gave you in case you wanted to visit, and tapped it at the doorknob. You quietly opened the heavy door, careful not to wake Jaeyoon up in case he was sleeping. You entered the apartment as silently as you could, closing the door slowly. You slid your shoes off before placing your bag, thermos, and slipped off your two coats to put onto the coffee table.

You then headed into the kitchen to salvage whatever ingredients available to make chicken soup. While you were waiting for the water to boil in the pot, you felt a presence coming closer from behind you.

“_______?”

You jumped in surprise at the hoarse voice. You turned around to see a tall,  sleepy, fluffy pink-haired man pouting at you.

“Oppa, you shouldn’t be up!” you exclaimed, grabbing his wrist, and dragging him back into his bedroom. “Nope, nope, nope.”

“But, _______,” he whined with his sore, stuffy voice that was usually cute. You ignored his pleas, and pushed him back into bed. You then threw his quilt and blankets over him, despite his whining.

“Shush, I’m gonna make you soup and tea. I’ll call you out when it’s done, okay? You are not leaving this bed. That’s what you get for overworking during winter! Gosh. Why do you guys like to stress me out?”

Jaeyoon only continued to pout and sulk in response. How you got along with these man-babies, you had no idea. But you didn’t mind; they brought you happiness, and always seemed to bring a smile to your face no matter how shitty your day was, or how busy theirs were. In a way, you were thankful you had them in your life. You guessed meeting and pulling through with your noisy best friend Dawon since high school had paid off.

When you finished making the soup, you turned off the stove, and poured some into a ceramic bowl. You then placed the bowl onto the kitchen counter along with a spoon and pair of chopsticks. You then quietly made your way into Jaeyoon’s room to see that he was fast asleep again. A small smile curled on your lips at his sleeping figure. You couldn’t help but softly stroke his pink hair with the back of your fingers. He looked so peaceful.

“Oppa,” you whispered, gently shaking his shoulders. “Wake up, soup’s ready.”

After a few nudges, a sleepy grumble sounded from him as he finally woke. You giggled softly as you slowly helped him sit up.

“I’ll go and make the tea. Come out when you’re ready, but don’t take too long, ‘cause the soup is gonna get cold, okay?”

You knew coming over was cutting down precious time that could be used to write your essay, but you decided that you would only need coffee, good bullshitting skills, and at least eight references that you could pretend to have read.

Jaeyoon, however, used this as time he could spend with you alone. It was probably the only time he could.

“_______, wait,” he said, making you stop in your tracks and turn around.

“Yes?” you replied and made your way over to him again.

Once you were close enough, Jaeyoon hugged you around your waist abruptly. You gasped, holding up your hands next to your head as you stood in between his legs. A blush began to burn on your cheeks as you were caught in surprise at his actions. The proximity between the two of you caused your heart to race, and that you shouldn’t be this close to him when he’s this sick. “O-oppa-”

“Please don’t leave me,” he said, and coughed a few times as he rested the side of his head on your chest.

“I-I’m not going to leave,” you stuttered, placing your hands on his shoulders. “W-what are you talking about?”

Jaeyoon only sighed. “I...I don’t know if you know but...” he trailed off.

You furrowed your eyebrows. “But what?”

He hesitated slightly, breathing in once before saying, “I really like you.”

You froze. “You...what?”

“Don’t make me repeat myself,” Jaeyoon said, “I like you, _______.”

You bit down on your lower lip, not knowing what to do with the information. You didn’t know how to react. “Oppa...”

“Please, _______,” he begged, holding onto you tighter, “I wanted to tell you before any of them could.”

You blinked in shock. “Oppa, w-what are you talking about?”

“Haven’t you seen the way they look at you? And the way they look when we talk about you?”

“W-wh-”

“If it weren’t for you coming over today, I would’ve thought Inseong or Taeyang would confess to you first if they had the chance.”

You inhaled in attempt to calm yourself down at the amount of information that was fired at you. Your heart raced as your hands trembled on Jaeyoon’s shoulders. How could this happen? You always thought no one would take any interest in you. But this whole group proved you wrong. It didn’t seem possible.

“Jaeyoon...”

“Please accept my feelings for you, _______,” he said, gripping onto your shirt, and closing his eyes in hope that you would. “I don’t want anyone to confess before I do.”

“Jaeyoon...” you said again. You took another deep breath before finishing your answer. You then wrapped your arms around his neck, resting your hand behind his head, and gently stroking his hair. You had to prepare him for your answer, as you knew it would break his heart. “I love you, and I do accept your feelings...but...”

He looked up at you with his hopeful, puppy eyes that made you melt inside.

“I can’t be in love with you,” you said softly. You saw his face fall, making your heart clench. It hurt you as much as it hurt him to say that. “Not if the others feel the same way. I can’t let this ruin your relationship with them. I don’t want to destroy what we have. I’m so sorry.”

Jaeyoon let out a sad sigh. “What if they didn’t have feelings for you?”

“I don’t know...” you said, resting your chin on top of his head. “I want to be selfish and say yes and give us a chance, but I don’t know what consequences there would be if I do.”

“...I guess you’re right...” Jaeyoon mumbled, loosening his grip on your waist. “That’s what I love about you; you’re so considerate and thoughtful.”

You chuckled, pulling back to face him and cup the sides of his face with your hands. “Hey, I still love you, okay? I don’t want our relationship to change,” you assured, tapping his nose gently, “And besides, I now know that you like me. It’ll be our little secret. The other guys don’t have to know.”

“Yeah, I guess. At least you’ve accepted my feelings...”

You leaned down to place a soft kiss on his forehead. He blinked in surprise.

“That’s for being brave enough to tell me that you like me,” you said. You then did something you’ve never done before with any of the boys: you moved down to place another kiss on his cheek, leaving your lips there a little longer than usual. “And that’s for being understanding about my feelings about it.”

Jaeyoon felt his face burning up. “Th-thanks.”

A shy smile stretched across your lips. “We should head out. Your soup is getting cold,” you told him as he let go of you.

“Okay, mom.”

You laughed softly as you made your way out of the room to make some green tea for Jaeyoon. As you were doing so, he sat on one of the high chairs at the counter and began to sip the soup.

“It’s still warm,” he said, the pain in his throat still present.

“Shh, don’t talk,” you replied, pouring the boiling water into the mug with the tea bag inside. “Just eat.”

He only pouted. “Okay...”

You giggled softly as Jaeyoon ate, pushing the mug in front of his bowl. “I’ll be in the living room. I gotta do this assignment, but let me know when you need anything, okay?”

“Alright.”

You went over to his side to give him a side hug, and another kiss on his cheek before you skipped off to the living room. Another blush crept on the poor boy’s cheeks as he took a sip of the tea. You took your laptop out of its bag, and unpacked your notes and textbook from your backpack to continue working on the essay.

About another 500 words in, you felt the couch dip beside you.

“Why haven’t you gone to bed?” you asked, your eyes not leaving the laptop screen. “You should be resting at every chance you get.”

Jaeyoon took another sip of the tea before resting his head on your shoulder. “I wanna spend some time with you before the others come back.”

Sighing, you decided that having Jaeyoon around would not help you with concentrating on your assignment. You closed your laptop shut, placing it back on the coffee table with the rest of your things. You couldn’t resist those puppy eyes of his, and you hated it when he used it against you to get what he wanted. You only needed another 1000 words to write anyway. It could be easily done in a day.

“Okay, come here, you big baby,” you said, rolling your eyes, and spreading your arms out.

A happy smile spread across Jaeyoon’s face as he put the mug on the coffee table, and practically flew into your arms. You giggled as you pulled him down to lie on the couch with you. He wrapped his arms around your waist again, resting his head on your chest. To be fair, you were quite sleepy, since you had to wake up early that morning for a 9am lecture. A nap at the boys’ dorms wouldn’t hurt. You felt your eyes becoming more droopy before you blacked out completely.

A few hours later, you heard a click that sounded like the doorknob opening. Consciousness came back to your brain when the door opened up, and the sound of chatter followed.

“What the- JAEYOON, WHO THE HELL GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO SLEEP WITH HER?!”

The both of you jolted awake at Youngbin’s yelling. You then looked down to see your legs tangled with Jaeyoon’s as you two were snuggled up against each other.

“Oh my god, Chani, don’t look,” you heard Rowoon say in the background.

“Wait, wha-”

“HYUNG, I’M GONNA KILL YOU!!” Dawon screamed before ripping a confused Jaeyoon out of your grip. You were now fully awake to see the rest of the boys chasing after Jaeyoon.

“I WASN’T SLEEPING WITH HER, LEAVE ME ALONE!”

Shocked, you got up and ran after them just to see Dawon and Zuho beating Jaeyoon up with his giant Ryan plushies.

“Hey, leave him alone!” you exclaimed, “He’s still sick, you know?!”

Dawon stopped harassing Jaeyoon to glare at you. You kept your firm glare at him before he stormed up to you and dragged you out to the living room by your arm, leaving the rest of the boys to do his job.

“What the hell, _______? Are you crazy?!”

“If you’re asking, no, we didn’t do anything inappropriate!”

Dawon pressed his lips together and grumbled before saying, “Okay, that’s one thing. But why did you come over when you’re gonna catch his cold?!”

“You guys can’t even take care of yourselves when you’re not sick, so I had to do something, geez...” you mumbled, crossing your arms.

“Okay, fine. But if you get sick after today, you’re not allowed to look after us when we get sick ever again, got it?”

You sighed, reluctantly agreeing to his compromise. “Fine.”

“Also, I think you can go home to do your assignment. It won’t be easy with those us around.”

“Yeah, whatever. I have tomorrow off, anyways.”

Dawon offered to drive you home, which you gladly accepted. During the car ride back, he told you about what happened that day, how it was SFDay, and that they had a special food event with the fans. You thought it was cute, but your concentration was on messaging Jaeyoon.

[ ________ ] : Get well soon~ don’t let the boys torture you too much >.< if they aren’t gonna let you live it down, tell me and I’ll beat some sense into them ㅋㅋㅋ

[ jaeyoon ] : I’ll do my best ㅠㅠ btw, the soup was really good~ I’ll make sure to spit in the pot so the others won’t touch it ;)

[ _______ ] : ...gross

[ jaeyoon ] : I’m kidding! Though, I still won’t share it with them...it’s still my recovery food

[ _______ ] : ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ you better hide it well so they won’t find it!

[ jaeyoon ] : I’ll try e_e

You chuckled before locking the phone screen, looking up to see that Dawon had just pulled over to your place.

“Thanks, Hyukie,” you said as you grabbed your bag, ready to leave.

“It’s okay. If I catch you sleeping with one of the guys, or any guy for that matter, I’m not gonna let you hang out with us again.”

You rolled your eyes. “Pfft, you’re crazy. You know I’m not like that.”

“Yeah, yeah. Hurry up and get out; you need to finish your assignment, you lazy butt.”

“Whatever, loser,” you replied with a cheeky smile. You gave Dawon a quick hug before getting out of the car.

The next morning, you woke up with a pounding headache, and felt like you were in a sauna. From past experiences with colds, you knew this was bad.

Oh SHIT! You thought violently.

On the other side, the boys were busy getting their hair and makeup done for the music show’s pre-recording when their phones lit up to see a new message in the group chat.

[ ________ ] : ...

[ ________ ] : I hate you, Jaeyoon!!!!!

[locoluis]

Pam's visit to the doctor

DISCLAIMER: This is a fictional story. I have no medical knowledge, so the following is all artistic licence and stuff taken from the web. Please consult a proper medical professional if you experience any of the symptoms described below. Oh, and sorry for the sloppy writing.

It has been from bad to worse during the last weeks. I don't like summer, I get way too sweaty and dehydrated. I get sunburned easily. I am self conscious about my body and will need to wear less than the normal amount of clothing I usually enjoy wearing, which attracts the stares of people who look like they haven't seen a girl with more than a B cup in their entire lives.

Like they never get out of this town.

I like going to the city, even though the climate is warmer there than up here in the hills, because nobody bats an eye about my appearance there, or at least not that much. The city centre is a couple hours away by bus. Only a few, elderly people are joining me in this trip I absolutely need to carry out.

The local paediatricians are as useless as the painkillers they prescribe. One of them said: “ At this point, you should consider going to an adult's doctor. ” Madam, I'm only twelve, and you're supposed to be able to take care of people through their late teens. Don't come at me with such rubbish.

Then my PE teacher recommended me this children's hospital in the city, and I got an appointment. I got so stressed during the bus trip that the box of chocolates that I brought with me didn't last long enough. I hope this isn't as bad as it feels.

Even though this is the second time I've seen this particular lady, I immediately recognised her. Shorter than me, dangerously skinny, with a childish face despite being in her mid-thirties, and a brunette ponytail of ridiculous length.

— Pamela Evans. I remember you.

— Dr. Eliana Martínez. You were the lady who awarded me the gold medal at the swimming competition a few months ago.

— Indeed. That was… a random, unusual philanthropic gesture from me. I must confess that your victory caught me by surprise, as you looked like you didn't even want to participate.

— Well, Mum taught me to swim at an early age, and she really wanted me to participate. But I hate PE with a passion, and it was really embarrassing for me to be in a swimsuit with all those people around. You can guess why.

— Yeah, I can relate, having been pregnant once. Never again.

I couldn't quite hide my amazement. How does such a twiggy lady manage to have a child growing inside such a tiny belly?

— Indeed, I have a daughter. Her name is Violeta, and she will soon be bigger than me. I carried my baby through full term, with no complications, shattering all expectations. I guess I'm a woman after all, ha ha ha. But enough about me; please tell me what brings you here.

I took a long breath.

— Doctor, during the last few weeks it's been difficult for me to concentrate in class, to get asleep, to get enough rest. I sweat way too much. I feel a lot of anxiety, even to the point of paranoia. Sometimes I feel my heart beating too hard and too fast. Sometimes I feel a burning sensation in my chest. And I've been putting on quite some weight, though I'm not sure how much of that is just going through puberty.

— Well, body changes are normal through puberty, and girls grow and develop at different rates.

— I'm aware of that. All my classmates still look like children. I'm the only one with the shape of a grown-up woman at twelve.

— About that. When I was twelve, it was the exact opposite. The other girls were all grown up, while I still look like a ten years old.

— Well, you sure are tiny, even compared to my classmates.

— Yeah, yeah. Now that I think about it, you look a lot like one of mine. Blue eyes, a different hairstyle and nose shape, a slimmer waist, but otherwise she was a dead ringer for you.

— Even her breast size?

— Indeed. She was curvy and gorgeous, and all the boys were crazy for her, but she only had eyes for one boy… who just wasn't ready for a relationship. And it made me cringe that she didn't seem to feel pretty enough, that she wore more make-up than was necessary, plus her dangerously short, tight-fit school pinafore dress… she looked ridiculous.

— Oh, I have some classmates who are like that. Not me, though; I already get way too much attention without doing anything with my looks.

— Well, you seem more like the forbidden snack type, which ironically is more attractive for some men than the overly sexy type.

— … Ach-y-fi.

— … Excuse me? I'm not a native English speaker, and that's a word I haven't heard before.

— Oh, that's a local expression of disgust. Like, it seems like I can't avoid the male gaze.

— That's their problem, Miss Evans, not yours. Don't make it your problem. I've got nothing here, yet men still stare.

— Well, your body type is even more unusual…

— I know. But you have to excuse me, this is getting way off-topic. I don't usually talk to my patients about my own childhood, and I'm talking to you like we knew each other from long ago.

— Well, I don't mind. Yours seems to have been an interesting childhood.

— Indeed, but that's not why you're here. So let me get through this. Most of the issues that you describe are not necessarily associated with puberty, and no sign of pain or discomfort is worth getting glossed over. First of all, please stand on the scale to get your height and weight measured.

I do. To no surprise, I'm overweight. She also checked my heart rate and blood pressure.

— Now, tell me. Tea, coffee, carbonated drinks. How much do you drink each day?

— Not much, actually. I drink a couple cups of tea each day. Unlike the rest of my family, who just can't get enough of it. And they drink green tea, which tastes horrible to me.

— Hmm. What about chocolate?

She stopped talking when she noticed the sheer expression of horror in my face.

— What? Did I hit a nerve, Miss Evans? Please tell me how much do you eat everyday. Answer truthfully.

I started crying uncontrollably. She patiently bears with me through this.

— … Doctor. I have a lot of admirers. Every day I get several boxes of chocolate in the mail. And I can't control myself.

— Well, chocolates have a high calorie count due to their sugar and fat content. And the symptoms you've been experiences are consistent with an excessive chocolate intake.

— And now you're telling me that I have to eat less chocolates. As if my life wasn't horrible enough.

— Well, at least you don't have acne… yet.

— ACNE!? Oh my God! I need to stop eating chocolates right now!

— Well, acne is more of an issue with eating lots of carbohydrates and dairy products, and there's no consensus about the link between acne and chocolate consumption. But I still advise you to reduce the amount of chocolate you eat everyday.

— I understand.

— To prevent acne, you should eat more fruits, vegetables and fish. Drinking green tea is also good against acne, and it has many more health benefits. It contains caffeine, so it too must be consumed in moderation.

— Green tea. As I said, I don't like it.

— Add lemon juice and stevia to it. There are many types of green tea, you just have to find which one is better tasting for you. And brewing it correctly is quite important in order to get it just right, not too bitter or watery.

— Well, thank you.

— I'll prescribe you some medication in order to treat the symptoms you've mentioned. But you should follow my instructions in order to attack their root cause. Stop eating so many chocolates, and come back in a month or so, in order to check your progress. I most likely won't be around, as I travel a lot and I'm currently on a temporary contract, but Dr. Spencer is an experienced paediatrician who will be able to take your case.

— I'll do. Oh, and I have a last question. Do you think I should get a breast reduction? And how do I get it on the NHS?

— Well, first of all, I don't think it's advisable to get one while you're still developing, except in extreme cases of breast hypertrophy. Second, you should get down to a stable weight, and get an assessment with a psychiatrist or psychologist. Third, as there are many women seeking to get breast reduction surgery on the NHS, the waiting list can be up to several years, and a lot of women are being turned down as not meeting their criteria. Also, private treatment is quite expensive. And… would you like me to measure you?

— Yeah, sure.

Her procedure for measuring my breast size is a bit more complicated than what I knew. She then puts the measurements on a spreadsheet, which gets her a bunch of numbers.

— Wearing a good-fitting bra can alleviate many of the issues associated with large breasts. Also, I'm recommending you some exercises that can strengthen your core muscles, and some tips to improve your posture. But I wouldn't advise a breast reduction surgery on someone like you, as its risks and consequences certainly outweigh the possible benefits. They're not that big, actually; you just have a delicate body frame. Your ideal weight is lower than that of other girls of your age and height.

— I understand.

I need to make a lot of sacrifices in order to stop feeling like this. Mum is going to stare me down and tell me: “ I told you, Pam ”. And then I'm asking her what we should do with so all those chocolates.

[sandcastles-hedestroys]

1-70 I want to know it all in great detail

I see, the key to getting asks is to passive-aggressively tag your friends.

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

Anyone who has ever known me in real life knows I absolutely do not. I have an alcoholic, compulsive liar for a mother and an absent father, plus some grandparents who are so convinced that they are my actual parents that they would probably kick me out if they learned I refer to them as my grandparents. Fun times.

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to?

Either my dog or yours lol. I don’t like telling people I love them. That’s something to be shown through your actions, otherwise the word loses its meaning. 

03: Do you regret anything?

I don’t even know where to start with this one. I’ve regretted basically every major decision I’ve made, and I probably shouldn’t be allowed to think for myself. If I had to name a few things that I regret right now, I would say I regret spending my spring break being so bitter. I really did have a good time, but I would have enjoyed myself more if I hadn’t tried to make it about me. My other big regret at the moment is cancelling my campus residence app. I screwed myself out of a guaranteed place and now I’m stuck with a bunch of drama and uncertainty. Also, there’s a friend that I’ve had for years and there were times when I was pretty horrible to her and she stuck with me despite it. I wish I had been mature enough at the time to be the person she needed in her life, instead of causing drama.

04: Are you insecure?

Extremely. I have a lot of insecurities about my body, mostly my face and hair, but a lot of my family in underweight and it was kind of instilled in me, that to be attractive I had to be underweight, like I remember when I started high school I made it a goal to stay below 110lbs until after graduation. I was still growing so that goal was as unrealistic as it was unhealthy. I’ve struggled with disordered eating since I was like 12. Other than that I can be really insecure about asking for the things I want and need. One of my biggest fears is people seeing me as selfish.

05: What is your relationship status?

I’m a single Pringle! I was in a relationship for a few months, but I got dumped because I consistently put my friends before her, which is funny because I’m in the middle of some conflicts with friends over not talking with them enough. I’ve been on a few dates and stuff since then, but I’m in a bad place right now mental health wise, so being single is probably for the best rn. 

06: How do you want to die?

This is kind of dark, but I don’t really care how I die as long as I’m in control of how it happens. If there’s a really wild and interesting story involved that would be even better. 

07: What did you last eat?

I’m munching on some green chili peanuts with a crap ton of Diet Coke. I’m at home right now so I’ve been eating way more than usual.

08: Played any sports?

I used to do ballet, gymnastics, contemporary and jazz, as well as various ballroom dances. I’ve blocked most of it out and lost a lot of my flexibility, but I would love to return to ballet at some point. I miss gymnastics too, but I’m too tall for it lol.

09: Do you bite your nails?

I’ve always been weirdly prideful of my nails and the thought of biting them has always freaked me out, like my nails are my babies. Keeping them nice is a big deal to me so my chompers can stay the hell away lmao

10: When was your last physical fight?

I’ve never actually been in a physical fight. The closest encounters were last semester, when my old roommate got a concussion from a crazy person that used to live with us, and a few years ago when I let a friend slap me.

11: Do you like someone?

I’m assuming this means like like. I’m not super interested in dating right now, but there have been people that have sparked my interest recently.

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

I am smol and weak. My fragile shell of a body would actually start to disintegrate if I tried this. I’ve only made it to 24hrs once and my body like completely shut down.

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

I don’t like using the word hate for the same reasons I don’t like using the word love. There are people that I will not associate myself with and there are people in my life that I don’t feel any positive emotions towards, but there isn’t anyone that I could comfortably say I hate. 

14: Do you miss someone?

There are a lot of people from my life a few years back that I really miss, but I have to remind myself that I was a different person then, and some bonds are meant to be broken. I also really miss a lot of the friends I have at school. I take them for granted until we’re apart and then I feel all hallow, like part of me left too and that really sucks.

15: Have any pets?

I have a Chihuahua-weiner mix. He’s super old and he doesn’t have a tail and his name is Bob. He’s great. My aunt’s dog is basically my dog too, and he’s a pit mix. His name is Chester and he is actually a giant teddy bear. My friends have a doggo too, her name is Gwen and I am her aunt. She is the most talented and amazing fluffer who deserves the world.

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

I’m at that weirdly numb point right now where emotions are like a foreign concept to me. I’ve been super stressed and I have a lot of pretty serious decisions at the back of my mind that I can do nothing about at the moment. I’m super behind on my schoolwork and with all this stress, I know I can’t catch up. It’s super frustrating and there’s been a lot of drama amongst my friend group, making me feel like I can’t really trust anyone in my life right now. My age has been preventing me from doing so much recently and since my birthday is around the corner, even the people who claim to understand have been super condescending about my anger over it. There have also been a lot of deaths recently in the city where I go to school, and I’ve learned that death is a bit of a trigger for me, so that hasn’t been fun. I feel like I’m one serious breakdown from being there myself and that’s super scary. 

17: Ever made out in the bathroom?

Somehow, no.

18: Are you scared of spiders?

When I was little I was really afraid of spiders and would go out of my way to have them killed. I had intense breakdowns whenever I thought a web touched me. Now, I regret having hurt innocent creatures and I think spiders are really cool. Leave the land crabs alone!

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

Yeah, knowing what I know now, I think that it would be cool to try and get myself to the point where I am now, but without a lot of the drama.

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?

My dorm room lol. 

21: What are your plans for this weekend?

I’m taking a greyhound back to my college town on Saturday, and Sunday I’m returning to my normal schedule. I’m not looking forward to that eight hour bus ride.

22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

I’m kind of a lone wolf, and I really want to travel so kinds aren’t really in the picture, at least not until I’ve gotten my doctorate. Even then I would either adopt or use a donor, and I wouldn’t have more than two. 

23: Do you have piercings? How many?

Right now only my ears are pierced, but I plan on getting my septum done in May, followed by a double medusa. I also really want dimples and a brow done. Eventually I’d do my nipples and stomach as well.

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

I’ve always been geared toward the liberal arts. I love all things involving art, history, and languages. I low-key have always enjoyed math too. I’m working on my bachelors in comparative cultural studies with minors in queer studies and museum studies. I want to carry that on to a masters in gender studies and a phd in Buddhist art. After that I’d like to go back to school fo economics and eventually obtain a masters in economic history.

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

I miss people from my past when I’m unsatisfied with the people currently in my life. I have to remind myself that they aren’t around anymore for a reason and that it’s more important to work on the relationships that are relevant. Dwelling on the past does more harm than good. 

26: What are you craving right now?

Some love and affection? I’m not craving anything really. I could just use some peace and quiet.

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

Yes. I’ve broken an ex’s heart when I ended the relationship. I was unhappy, to the point where I cheated. This was also the point when I started to question if I was actually a lesbian. I dumped him and never told him why. I broke my friend’s heart when I led her on, but then rejected her because I was in love with someone else (who did something similar to me). I broke my aunt’s heart when I told her I felt like I don’t have a family. I broke my biological mother’s heart when I made it clear that I didn’t want her in my life. I’m pretty good at the whole hurting others thing. 

28: Have you ever been cheated on?

It’s very possible, but if someone did, they never told me.

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

I can’t name a specific time, but I’m sure it’s happened.

30: What’s irritating you right now?

What isn’t irritating me right now? Oh my god. 

31: Does somebody love you?

I’ve had a lot of people tell me they do, but I have a hard time feeling it most of the time.

32: What is your favourite color?

I love every color, and I don’t like making colors feel left out, so my favorite changes a lot. Right now it’s yellow, because yellow is a bright, warm, happy color. I also really like pink. The pastels of both of those are 10/10

33: Do you have trust issues?

I legit don’t even trust myself. The only person I honestly trust 100% is my aunt. I have really bad trust issues, but I also overshare a ton. My life is a cycle of sharing my life story and then panicking. 

34: Who/what was your last dream about?

The other night I went to sleep while drunk and I had this wild dream where I met someone, learned his whole life story, flirted and eventually fell in love with him, came out to him, saying I’m not sexually attracted to guys (he came out as ace too so it was perf), and then he was hit by a car, causing irreparable brain damage. I woke up right after, but that dream will haunt me.

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?

My aunt. I was updating her on my life in college, and it’s been less than ideal.

36: Do you give out second chances too easily?

I’m a huge believer of forgive but don’t forget. I used to be so bad about grudges that I would be angry even after forgetting what I was upset about. I guess I have the opposite issue here.

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

Forgive. Like I said above, I might forgive you, but knowing what someone did before will always leaving me searching for instances of them doing it again. Trust issues who?

38: Is this year the best year of your life?

It’s only March and I already know that it will be one of the worst years of my life. Ugh.

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

I think I was thirteen. I didn’t know how I felt about guys at the time and I almost puked in that poor dude’s mouth. 

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

I have, and it was terrifying. Midday skinny dipping wasn’t one of my greatest ideas.

51: Favourite food?

Avocado on toast with a poached egg on top, muffuletta, yellow curry, and eggs benedict are my top ones.

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

Absolutely. I didn’t really believe this until my roommate’s big fight last year. So much happened in one night, that wouldn’t have happened if we had done things even a second later. It was wild, but it was like there was so much pent up negative energy that the universe needed to release, and it found a way to make that happen.

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

I put some food away.

54: Is cheating ever okay?

The thing about cheating is that it’s when you go out of your way to do something with someone else when you know it would hurt your current partner. It’s something that happens when you aren’t happy in your relationship, and in a lot of cases it can be a cry for help. It is hurtful and a sign that a relationship isn’t meant to be, but cheaters shouldn’t always be villainized.

55: Are you mean?

I can be, but I try not to.

56: How many people have you fist fought?

None, lol

57: Do you believe in true love?

Not really. There are so many people that we have things in common with or who exist on the same wavelength. We might find someone that makes us happy for a long while, but nothing is permanent.

58: Favourite weather?

I love hot, sunny days when you can leave windows open, wear shorts, and only drink things with ice. 

59: Do you like the snow?

I lived in Alaska for over nine years before moving to the Sonoran desert. I moved to Northern Arizona for school, and when I saw snow again, it was as an adult who only saw the negative aspects of it. I hate being cold.

60: Do you wanna get married?

I don’t see myself ever being married. I would have to really love someone if I were to actually settle down and start a life with them. Right now I really only see it as something that would tie me down.

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

I honestly hate baby as a pet name. It freaks me out. The only pet names I find cute are the unusual ones, like once when an ex accidentally called me cornbread.

62: What makes you happy?

Getting my nails done, binging my favorite show (Archer), travel, doggos, wandering around in stores with my music blasting so I can feel like I’m somewhere away from my problems, seeing people impressed with food I made, completing a project and being proud of my work, etc.

63: Would you change your name?

I hate my birth name, but I’m also afraid I’ve been conditioned to feel that way by my grandparents as a way to attack my bio mom. Because of that, I’ve been going by my middle name and various nicknames. Most people close to me call me Abby, but my favorite thing is to be called Lynn. I’m pretty hesitant to legally change it though.

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

Yeah, the last person I kissed kinda sexually assaulted me, and I’d like to avoid that.

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

Reject them as nicely as possible. Dating would be bad for me right now, and I’m pretty sure I’m not sexually attracted to men.

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

I don’t think I have a best friend, period. I don’t think I’m entirely myself around anyone through. Different people will bring out different parts of my personality.

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

Not sure tbh. 

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

My aunt. The conversation we had about my life at school was pretty emotional.

69: Do you believe in soulmates?

No, for the same reason I don’t believe in true love. Life is too impermanent for there to be someone our soul fits with perfectly. There is too much change for something to be predetermined like that. 

70: Is there anyone you would die for? 

Anyone who has ever been somewhat nice too me. Honestly though I would be willing to die for a lot of people. The thought of anyone else having to suffer really sucks and if I can save them from that, I would.

[greetthemountains-blog]

Post #23- Your Mountain Is Waiting

“You're off to Great Places! Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting, So... get on your way!” – Dr. Seuss, Oh, The Places You’ll Go

Most of us know this quote by heart, or at least some variation of it. It’s a poem of promise, excitement, and good things to come. The entire book is bit more all encompassing, discussing both the successes and challenges, possibly even failures, you will face along your journey in life. As a child I was quick to skip over the pages with dark and sad images and revel in the ones with bright colors and happy faces.

The book teaches a valuable lesson about life and the journey each of us is on. The first four lines are a great introduction that explain, without explicitly stating, just how exciting life will be. But…

Have you ever tried to climb a mountain!?! Have you ever talked with someone who has? I’m not talking about a hike up a small hill, or even a small mountain with little elevation change. I’m talking about Kilimanjaro! I’m talking about the 14ers in Colorado that take a couple days.

I can’t say that I’ve ever climbed a mountain in its entirety, though I did, accidentally, do a 13 mile hike through a few high peaks in Rocky Mountain National Park one afternoon with just 1 bottle of water. (Long story short… there was snow and ice, we got lost, it started to get dark, we got back on track, and a very nice bus driver drove us back to our car.  It was awesome!)

However, I do know some fantastic people who have spent days, weeks even, climbing up to the tops of Machu Picchu, Kilimanjaro, and other less famous mountains. Their stories, though much more accomplished, express pretty much the same sentiment as mine.

When you are climbing a mountain it starts off pretty nicely with a slight incline at the base of the mountain. Along the way you see beautiful sites, meet interesting people/wildlife, and create memories that last a life time. There is elation, excitement, anticipation at how fun it’s all going to be and usually a sense of awe at the grandeur of the place you are in. You also feel very confident, perhaps overly so, that the whole journey is going to go great. It will be smooth; you are prepared, and the experience will be fantastic. And, at first everything really is great! But, it is only a matter of time before that slight incline turns into a steep upward climb towards peak.

Here is the part that mountain climbers often forget, or at least, tend to omit in their stories…

As you get closer to the top the air gets thinner, and everything gets harder. Taking a single step becomes more difficult and you find yourself praying to God and willing your body to move just an inch further. Your mind plays tricks on you, and you start to doubt you can make it to the summit despite everything you just accomplished to get to where you are… sometimes this happens with the summit in full view! Panic can set in, it certainly did for me when I thought I would be stranded on the side of a mountain in the middle of the night with nothing more than a jar of peanuts and half a bottle of water. You do things you probably shouldn’t because of the panic… like run when you are too tired to move, or in places where the risk falling off a cliff edge is pretty high. Most of all though, that desire that originally caused you to say “Yes!” to the whole crazy experience can disappear. You wonder why you ever thought the trip was a good idea, and you begin to question all of your life’s choices. Still, most people press on, because the alternative is to give up- and quite frankly, when you feel like you are probably not going to make it out of the situation alive anyway, you also feel like you have nothing to lose if you keep going. So you do, because the rocks at your feet don’t exactly look like the best place to give up. (You never know, there might be a flatter, more comfortable rock ahead).

But then you make it to your destination- the TOP! This is when there are often tears. (Don’t get me wrong, there can plenty of tears along the way too… but those are ones that are less happy). The tears at the top are of relief, mostly, and happiness (usually that you are still alive). Once that emotional moment passes, you experience the best part: the realization that you actually made it to the place you set out for. And the feelings that come with this are always better than you imagined! It is then that you can look back and laugh at the journey it took to get to where you are standing. Once you reach the summit you can fully take in the feat you have just accomplished, and IT IS AWESOME! There is nothing like it.

Dr. Seuss must have climbed a mountain or two in his day, because there is no metaphor more perfect for life. Much of the journey won’t feel great. There will be tears, anger, frustration, doubt- and a lot of each. But, when you reach your destination… whether that is success, a life well-lived, a goal you have along the journey, or the literal top of mountain, you will be able to look back at everything you went through and say, “It was awesome!”

Seuss never promised a sidewalk with constant rainbows and easy travels… only that there is a mountain waiting for you. A Mountain! It won’t be easy; the unpredictable weather patterns alone are enough to cause anxiety and stress. But it will absolutely be worth everything you go through to get to the top. So, stop waiting. You are as prepared as you will ever be. It’s time to start climbing!

[pinkguacamole]

Here I am in Mozambique, at the End

Today is my last day in Africa. If you consider Madagascar as part of Africa, which it technically is despite its geographical isolation, I have been in Africa for about two and a half years. Tomorrow I hop continents and fly to Thailand!

I’m at the end of a road here. As a kid I always dreamed of spending time in Africa because I was certain there was more to the 54-countried continent than the media showed. My assumptions were beyond correct. Africa is a luscious and thriving part of the world. There is SO much more to it than the sad ball of skewed crap we see represented in the western world. That skewed crap doesn’t even come close and it’s a damn shame.

I have never felt at risk. I have been surrounded by colors and culture and warmth and love and hospitality. I have also been engrossed in my own internal conflict. Africa doesn’t need my help. It doesn’t need anything from me or the west except for respect and an open mind. For that statement I am using the blanket term of “Africa” even though I have only been to 7 of the 54 countries.

Respect and an open mind, that’s it.

Of course Africa isn’t lacking of country specific political and racial issues… but where in the world doesn’t have these problems? Especially as an American in the Trump Era… I can’t say ANYTHING about other places having political issues.

Here I am in Mozambique, at the end. This isn’t the end, though. Mozambique will always be here and nothing will change when I leave.

I have only spent a few days in Mozambique because I have gotten tired. I’ve been traveling quickly these past two months, since I left Madagascar, and it’s caught up to me.

After roaming through Namibia-Zimbabwe-Zambia-Botswana, I took a long break in Pretoria, South Africa with one of my good friends from Afrikaburn.

It was a surreal experience. I slowed down, and sat down on one of the most comfortable couches I had experienced in 2 years and it was hard to remove myself. My South African friend was living her normal life, as a recent graduate of university she was surrounded by social activities and work. It was a lifestyle I hadn’t touched in years and it gave me culture shock. I was in it, but I wasn’t IN it. It was only temporary.

In South Africa I caught a cold. I was supposed to go to Swaziland, then head to Mozambique in time for my flight. I had time for it all but it would be quick. Moving pretty much every day, like I had in the other countries. I have trouble staying put when I am in Travel-Mode.

My friend’s mom was shocked. “You should take a break. You look exhausted. Skip Swaziland! Come stay with me! Use wifi! Relax!” She was the sweetest.

I wasn’t going to. I knew I had to keep going. But then I started to have stomach pains reminiscent to the flu. My body wanted a break.

So I caved. I spent 5 days sleeping, cooking vegetables, drinking wine, cuddly with a cute dog, and watching BBC Earth and war movies with my friend’s mom as I prepared to head to Mozambique.

Here, at the end, I present to you the most African experience one could have. It is a journey of uncertainty, complications, complete kindness of strangers, and everything magically working out after all:

Getting a visa for Mozambique was a nightmare! To get a visa at the consulate ahead of time I needed “proof of accommodation.” To get “proof of accommodation,” I had to contact a place to stay in Mozambique and have them fill out paperwork for me. Most cheap places I found didn’t have emails. The one I did find, Fatima’s Backpackers in Maputo, required “proof of transport.” Since I was originally planning to take local, unpredictable transport from Swaziland to Maputo, I couldn’t acquire “proof of transport.” (You book things like that in person, on the spot).

When my plans changed, I still was hesitant to book transport because buses that counted as “proof” refused to take someone who didn’t have a visa ahead of time. BUT I didn’t want to book transport until I had a visa in my hand and knew when I could leave!

It was a cycle of crap. A cycle a cycle a cycle.

After a few days of suppressing the issue and relaxing, then thinking about it with no real solution, I finally decided to book transportation for a night bus from Pretoria to Maputo for the upcoming Monday. I was hoping over the weekend I could get my “proof of accommodation” then go to the Consulate and hope they could process my visa in one day.

After many harassing emails to Fatimas (their server was down apparently), I got my “proof of accommodation” Sunday evening!

Monday morning I went straight to the consulate. The woman there was much kinder than the first time I’d gone. She said I could pick up my visa between 2:30 and 3:30 pm, but I had to deposit 750 Rands, approximately $50 to the consulate’s account at a First National Bank.

I called an uber ride from the consulate and told the driver I needed to go to the mall near where I was staying. I asked if there was an FNB bank there. He said no. He also told me I would need my passport to make a deposit…which I’d left with the Consulate. Since I have a second passport, I decided to have him take me straight home and I’d leave early to pick up the visa, stopping at the bank on the way.

I shouldn’t have listened to him.

Around 1 I made my way to an FNB in the neighborhood.

Their system was down, but “maybe I could deposit in an ATM” they said!

The ATM ate my money and processed nothing.

Time was ticking away.

A teller went to get someone to get my money back from the ATM. During this time, the line at the bank expanded to 30 angry people. Most things weren’t working and I was on the verge of a panic attack. I was so close!!

I’d used the last of my cash for the deposit so I’d need to withdraw more for my uber ride, but the line was out the door. So while I waited for the teller to return with my eaten money, I tried to change my Uber settings to use a credit card so I could race across town the second the deposit went through.

But Uber wouldn’t take either of my credit cards. It was confused with the zip code versus the country I was in. Nothing I tried would take.

My throat was getting tight. I was SO close to getting this damn headache of a visa!

2pm.

The teller returned with my money and brought me to an ATM to try again. The manager of the bank asked the group in line if I could go first since I was in the middle of a hassle and a very angry man yelled “Hell No!”

So I got in line as my stress level mounted.

Eventually the deposit went through and I was on my way out the door towards the other side of town to get my visa!

I tried to call an Uber but it didn’t work.

“Verify your credit card” It said.

“Use Cash as Payment” I pressed.

“Verify your credit card” it insisted.

It would not let me order a car.

Time was passing and I was stuck. Panic revved up inside me. No! I’d made it this far. I was going to Mozambique that night! I was going to get my damn visa!

I screamed at my phone each time Uber refused. I needed an alternative. I asked people nearby where I could find a cab.

No one knew.

A girl saw me in my fit and came over as I slumped in the shade next to a different bank to try and think. She offered to find me a cab with a different app.

A well-dressed man came up to us and said “Hi girls, I work for the Ghanaian Embassy and I was robbed here last week. You need to put your phones away.”

The kind girl said “Embassy? Is that near the Mozambique Consulate? This girl has an emergency and needs to get to the Mozambique consulate by 3:30.”

The man replied, “I think I know where that is. My driver will take her.”

I looked up in disbelief.

He guided me to his car and told his driver where to go and to collect him at the bank in a hour.

What?!

I got in.

The driver was excited to see me. He was from the Democratic Republic of the Congo. After asking me what I was doing, he promptly asked if I would marry him. I told him I was already engaged.

He then asked how I felt about Donald Trump. I told him he was a terrible con man causing a plethora of trouble. The driver said “No honey, I do not believe you. He is not that bad. You are being narrow-minded, you must forgive him!”

I told him he didn’t understand. Trump was cutting every program I believed was progressive blah blah blah all of my thoughts…

Driver: “No, God doesn’t want you to hate Donald Trump. You must forgive him.”

I huffed and said never mind.

Then the driver asked “you do believe in God?”

I told him I was not religious.

This greatly offended the driver.

“Oh no dear! You see how you needed a ride to the Consulate!? You were desperate, but God brought me to you! You must appreciate what God does for you.”

I told him I greatly appreciated the circumstance and his God for helping me. This answer wasn’t enough. We spent the rest of the ride arguing about how he believed my life was nothing until I found God and I told him my life was full and wonderful in its own way even though it was different from his.

I was SO CLOSE to getting that visa! So. Close.

Finally we arrived at the consulate. I told him I didn’t have a phone number he could call when he asked, but I told him to thank his employer profusely for letting me use the car. He told me to thank God instead. I shut the door.

I collected my visa in the office right in the nick of time and I almost cried. Since Uber wasn’t working for me anymore, the woman called a cab for me.

That night I said good-bye to the pet dog and my cushy, relaxing life in Pretoria and hopped on a night bus where I promptly passed out.

By 4 am we’d reached the border but had to wait until it opened at 6 am to cross. It was the most hectic border I’d seen yet. Lines of minibuses packed to the brim with goods, people meandering, goats sifting through trash. There was a heavy mist blanketing the eerie yellow lights of the cars in line.

Finally I crossed the border’s mess. I probably could have gotten my visa AT the border because so much was going on and the bus would have never known, but oh well. I had it in advance and hopped on over to Mozambique with ease.

I’d made it to my last African country as the sun slowly rose in the heavy fog.

In Mozambique I have been tired. It’s the end of Africa for me and my body knows. I took a chappa from the hostel in the capital to a beach town up north called Tofo at 5am the next day. I spent two days relaxing in Tofo.

I didn’t do much. One night I skinny dipped with some Estonian guys I’d met as the full moon lit the surprisingly warm water. It was euphoric thrashing in the waves.

Tofo is a great place for scuba diving but I’m getting certified in a few weeks in Malaysia and I also have a new tattoo so I didn’t want to spend too much time in the water.

Mozambique looks like Madagascar. The palm trees, fields of corn (instead of rice), grass huts, stands selling tomatoes, women in colorful fabric carrying goods on their heads. There was a Peace Corps Youth Empowerment Camp taking place at the place where I was staying. It felt like home. But it wasn’t. It was a parallel universe to Madagascar. It all looked the same, but I was an alien. I don’t speak a word of Portuguese.

After two relaxing days in Tofo, I returned to Maputo and here I am, mentally preparing for the end of my time in Africa and my next adventure in Asia.

Whew. It’s been a long road. Almost 4 years abroad. I think this new phase will be reinvigorating! A change of scenery and huge cultural jump will be fun.

Thank you for all of the love, Africa, especially Madagascar. I wouldn’t be the women I am today without all of these crazy experiences.

[netflixmess]

By The Fader .

In Oslo, weekend nights are everything.

That’s partly because of Norway’s strict liquor laws, and also the general social drinking culture, which both tend to encourage weekend binges. People of all ages are normally reserved during the week, keeping their heads down as they go to class and to work, rarely speaking to strangers. Come Friday, though, all bets are off.

In early October 2016, a weekend party was in full swing, at a nice flat with tall ceilings in Grünerløkka, a cool neighborhood in central Oslo. Young, good-looking people were drinking and laughing, talking and flirting. Music was playing loudly — a bass-heavy Norwegian pop song, or maybe something by an American rapper.

At one point, someone started shouting, and asked for the music to be turned down. If this was a bad movie, there might have been a record scratch sound. Following a couple seconds of chaos, it became clear what was happening: a new Skam clip had been posted to the internet. “Oh my God!” someone screamed. “I’m not prepared,” said another. Within minutes, someone had pulled it up on their phone, and the party fell silent for the whole segment, as if collectively hypnotized. Anyone who tried to speak was swiftly shut down. There were no objections: it was time to watch.

That’s exactly how it went down, at least according to Erlend, a scruffy 25-year-old who works in the Norwegian music industry. He lives in Oslo, a.k.a. the birthplace of Skam, a ridiculously popular coming-of-age drama series that depicts the lives of fictional local teenagers. Even though it’s only been around since 2015, Skam, which is produced by NRK, a government-owned public broadcaster, and the biggest media company in Norway, is one of the most adored programs in the nation’s history, with about a quarter of the four million-person population watching each clip. It might also be one of the best TV shows about high school ever made.

Skam, which means “shame” in Norwegian, is released in real-time, with zero warning. If a scene takes place at school on a Tuesday afternoon, the clip goes up on the show’s website Tuesday afternoon. If it takes place at one in the morning at a Saturday night house party, like the first scene of the third season, which Erlend and his friends watched together last year, then it’s uploaded on a Saturday night. At week’s end, the clips, which vary in length but are rarely longer than 15 minutes, are rolled into a single “episode,” which airs on television. For now, if you live outside Scandinavia, the only way to watch Skam is illegally, via fan blogs who upload the episodes, usually to Google Drive or YouTube, and write their own subtitles. In other words: they’re doing God’s work.

Every season of Skam follows a different student at Hartvig Nissen, a real public school in Oslo, where a few of the show’s main actors are actively enrolled. The first season tracks Eva, a nervous, big-hearted 16-year-old who starts high school on the outs from her old clique. Noora, a headstrong feminist who strikes up an unlikely romance up with an older, brawl-starting ladies’ man named William, is at the center of Season 2. Season 3, which aired in the final months of 2016, is all about Isak, a baby-faced teen coming to terms with his sexuality. The fourth season, which began airing the second week of April, is about Sana, a muslim teen who always speaks her mind. The day the trailer dropped, it was announced on Instagram that Sana’s season would be the show’s final one.

Though it’s entirely scripted, Skam is good at blurring the lines between drama and reality. The characters (not the actors) have their own Instagram accounts, which are updated in time with the events of the show, and their fictional text messages, written by 27-year-old web producer Mari Magnus, are posted on the Skam site between clips. Sometimes a short conversation between two characters can stir up more suspense for viewers than a whole episode. The Skam team — headed up by director, screenwriter, and all-around mastermind Julie Andem, 34 — doesn’t allow the cast to do interviews often, partly because they are actually very young, but also because they want to safeguard the show’s tightly wound universe, to preserve the illusion that these characters could almost be real.

Andem, who declined to be interviewed for this piece, doesn’t do very much press either, especially outside of Scandinavia. This strategy has created an uncommonly intense relationship between the show and its audience. Fans invest in the characters' lives as if they were their friends, refreshing frantically, waiting for a clip or a text message as if their own life depended on it. Soap operas have long provided people around the world an escape from everyday traumas. Skam is helping people cope in a new way, by making the real world a more exciting place to be. Of course it’s all just pretend, but sometimes you need to make believe if you want to feel something real.

Oslo is frigid in March, and it snows a lot — gently, on and off. For someone whose first window into Norwegian culture was watching Skam bootlegs, exploring the city is kind of like walking through a film set. Bus stops, icy parks, a line of cottages on a slanted street. Everything looks familiar, but in an uncanny sort of way. It’s clean and quiet, especially on weeknights. It’s small, too, presenting itself as its own self-contained little universe, like the inside of a snow globe.

Every person I speak to in Oslo, from the noodle-limbed checkout guy at the corner store to a middle-aged festival organizer visiting from Denmark, knows what Skam is, and most of them have seen it. When I finally meet someone who seemed to know nothing about it — my Airbnb host, a lawyer in her early 30s — it’s actually just a mixup. “Ohhh, I thought you said Scandal or something,” she says, laughing. “I love Skam. I’ve seen every episode.”

No one expected it to get this massive, at least not according to Andreas Blaauw-Hval, a 32-year-old NRK communications manager who, along with his colleague Nathalie Sprus, handles all P.R. for the show. They’re the gatekeepers of the Skam universe, fielding calls from reporters all over the world on a daily basis, and saying “no” to nearly everything. “I think a lot of journalists, and our colleagues in the TV business, find this kind of arrogant,” Blaauw-Hval says. “But it's for the best of the series.”

Sprus and Blaauw-Hval are sitting in a plain-looking coffee shop in Frogner, a pretty neighborhood that feels upscale, but not in an ostentatious way. The café appeared in an episode of Skam once, and it’s just a couple blocks from the high school at which a big bulk of the show is filmed. “It's important to emphasize that the strategy was made before anyone knew how big it would be,” Blaauw-Hval says. “Our job is to try to maintain it, to keep it low-key and exclusive.”

It’s all just pretend, but sometimes you need to make believe if you want to feel something real.

When the show was launched in 2015, it was part of NRK’s attempt to connect with older Norwegian teens who seemed to spend most of their time on Netflix, or caught up in their own lives. Its creator, Julie Andem, who’d previously worked on Jenter, an NRK show for tweens with a similar short-burst real-time release format, was meticulous about accuracy from the get-go. She spent months traveling around and interviewing Norwegian teenagers about everything: sex, drugs, dating, their friends, their fears, their dreams. A lot of the show’s characters were loosely based on real people she met, or composites of several.

Next they started auditions, sitting with 1,200 kids born between 1996 and 2000. “At first people weren’t that interested,” Andem explained in 2016, during a rare TV interview that someone translated and posted on YouTube, in which she comes across as stern but likable. “NRK hadn’t made anything for [older teens], so they were skeptical,” she said. The cast they eventually settled on included a couple locally known child actors, but was dominated by amateur young nobodies, whose raw performances help elevate Skam to greatness. When 19-year-old Lisa Teige, who plays Eva, stresses out over a Facebook message to a potential new friend, it feels not just real, but true.

When it came time to release the first clip, Andem and her team, which includes producer Marianne Furevold-Boland, shared the link with tastemakers from the audition pool, as well as the cast. “The producers wanted the kids to find the series themselves,” says Nathalie Sprus from NRK, 31, who has brown hair with highlights and is almost always smiling. “Their worst nightmare was that a parent would read a news article about ‘this new cool show for kids’ and recommended it to theirs.” Furevold-Boland says this unorthodox, rumor-based strategy “creates loyalty, and a feeling of unity and ownership among teens,” adding that despite its unprecedented success with viewers of all ages, Skam is still made with its teenage target audience in mind.

“I watch Skam because I can relate, to the people and to the parties,” says Henrik, a beer-drunk 21-year-old, in a tented bar beside a church turned concert venue. He speaks in a nasally drawl, like an extra from a Nordic remake of Dazed & Confused. He tells me about russefeiring, the extremely Norwegian tradition in which crews of graduating high schoolers literally purchase a bus to party on for a couple weeks during their final semester. The celebrations, which start after the students turn 18 and can thus can guzzle beer legally, happen all over Norway, but are a huge deal in Oslo specifically. Henrik says kids here often make plans for “russ time” years in advance. Groups have recruited pop singers to record official theme songs for their bus; a bus might spend up to $17,000 USD on music alone, an Oslo-based English-language newspaper reported in 2014.

Russ is a big plot point in Skam. Eva joins a “bus” after her skater boyfriend Jonas encourages her to make new friends. Her search leads her to Noora, a poised new girl with a thing for red lipstick; Vidle, a Type A, russ-obsessed neurotic; Sana, a smart, snarky Muslim teen; and Chris, an unrestrained goofball behind some crucial moments of comic relief. Neither cool nor explicitly uncool, they’re the sort of relatable misfits you can’t help but cheer for. “Just acknowledge that we’re losers,” Sana says to the girls during a russ meeting in the first season. “So you think you’re a loser yourself?” Vidle aks, visibly perturbed. Sana responds: “I'm a Muslim girl in a faithless country — I'm the biggest loser of them all.”

The russ subplot is mostly on the back burner in Season 3, which tells the story of Isak, a confused, self-hating teenager played by a gifted 17-year-old named Tarjei Sandvik Moe, one of the actors who attends Hartvig Nissen in real life. While the earlier seasons hinted that Isak was grappling with something, his sexuality comes to the forefront in this one, which traces his messy romance with Even, a hip, handsome classmate with secrets of his own. All of Skam is gorgeously executed, but it’s Season 3 that feels like straight-up perfect television; you’d be hard pressed to find a more authentic depiction of young queer love. Isak’s realizations, about the tricky business of loving yourself enough to care for someone else too, never feel forced. They come slowly, with lots of help from friends, in a way that feels heartbreakingly true-to-life.

“I think the third season has a really relevant and really clear theme,” explains Elise By Olsen, the 17-year-old editor of an Oslo youth culture magazine called Recens Paper, one afternoon at an indoor food market on the Akerselva river's western bank. Olsen, who is something of a budding fashion icon in Norway, is a big believer that teenagers are more capable than adults give them credit for, and says that she wishes more young people were actively involved in the day-to-day production of Skam. She says she didn’t get into watching the show live until Season 3, which impressed her by tackling issues of sexuality and mental health. “It sort of normalized this stuff, which is quite rare here in Norway,” she explains. Olsen is also friends with some of the cast, including Henrik Holm, who plays Even. “One time he tagged me in a photo and I got, like, 2,000 new followers,” she says.

In Season 2, Noora and William’s will-they-won’t-they arc helped grow the show’s audience, particularly within Norway, but it was the Even and Isak love story that took Skam to the next level. Some truly adorable screenshots of the boys cuddling went viral on Tumblr, which led people across the globe to investigate where it had come from. Now, Skam’s is one of the more voracious TV fandoms in recent memory; in March, Isak and Even came first in E! Online’s fan-picked “TV's Top Couple” contest, by winning millions of votes from fans across the world. “Not bad for a Google Drive show,” one English-speaking stan account tweeted in celebration. “That they managed to win the poll proves there's a very strong engagement,” says Norwegian academic Vilde Schanke Sundet, who has a PhD in television studies from the University of Oslo. “The Norwegians cannot vote alone — you need to get your fan community organized,” she continues. Sundet, who’s working on a post-doctoral study about Skam, says the discourse within the fan community actually mirrors the tone of show, tackling serious topics in a respectful way. There’s a comment section under each official clip, too. “You can check it almost like a newspaper, or your Facebook,” Sundet says.

Part of what makes Skam feel like a news feed is its tight production schedule. According to producer Furevold-Boland, there’s a very short time between idea and execution, which “creates a great energy among the team members,” and also allows the show to respond to real events as they happen. Season 4 will do that by focusing on Sana, who is played confidently by 20-year-old hijabi actress Iman Meskini. “The point was to make a character that chooses her own relation to her religion,” Andem said in that interview on YouTube. “She has strong faith, but she doesn’t need to relate to the whole package the culture is trying to push on her.”

Sana introduces a lot of lofty ideas to Skam, often schooling her friends by offering a different perspective — adding important context to their private dramas without ever diminishing them. “War doesn’t start with violence, it starts with misunderstanding and prejudice,” she tells Noora, whose rigid ideals are challenged throughout the show. “If you say you’re in favor of a world full of peace you actually have to try to understand why others think and act the way they do.”

Despite her typically prickly exterior, Sana has a romantic side, and is an intensely loyal friend. Fans are excited about her season because, from a narrative standpoint, there’s still a lot left to learn about her. But her story feels especially meaningful now, as conversations around islamophobia and xenophobia have never been more urgent, in Scandinavia and beyond. The same day NRK released the trailer for Season 4, a suspected terrorist attack in Stockholm killed four and wounded several others, thrusting Sweden’s open door stance towards migrants and refugees into the global spotlight. In February, Donald Trump blamed a terrorist attack that never happened on Sweden’s liberal immigration policy, and in January he signed a highly contentious and swiftly overturned executive order to keep refugees and immigrants out of the U.S., specifically targeting seven predominantly Muslim nations.

The surprising news that this will be Skam’s last season stings, but if it has to end, Sana’s story feels like a good place to stop — with a reminder that the show isn’t just fodder for insatiable fans, but important, too. Sana isn’t a real person, but she has the potential to be a visible and outspoken role model for real young women, with real stigmas, who have real needs. The trailer for her season is soundtracked by a Nina Simone cover, sung by Yusuf Islam, the artist and convert to Islam formerly known as Cat Stevens. The clip runs in reverse, making the song virtually unrecognizable. Play it forward though, and you’ll hear the words: “I'm just a soul whose intentions are good/ Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood.”

Being a teenager is a beautiful mess. It’s miserable in a lot of ways, but there’s also something strangely poetic about the urgency of it all, the way your little high school world is constantly expanding and collapsing in on itself. Like the greatest shows about teenage life — My So-Called Life, Freaks and Geeks, the sometimes overly schmaltzy Degrassi — Skam never trivializes these feelings.

Even as a 26 year old, I was swept up in Skam straight away. I wish it had been around when I was younger, though I always remind myself it couldn’t have. It’s so inextricably connected to modern digital behavior, which is in itself a hopeful reflection of the things that are good about being young right now, and the way social media has created lifelines for teenagers looking for others who understand them and care what they have to say, whether they’re queer, religious outcasts, or die-hard megafans of a teen drama from Norway.

One of my personal favorite scenes is a quiet one, during which Isak opens up about his sexuality to his best friend Jonas. He tells him that he has romantic feelings for Even after school, over kebabs. Jonas doesn’t flinch; it’s obvious he doesn’t mind who his friend dates. It’s borderline tear-jerking in its casualness, a total non-event. One afternoon, I ride past the kebab shop from that same scene. I pull out my phone to snap a photo of the storefront, and one of the employees in the window, who’s probably getting used to fans appearing out of nowhere, laughs and covers his face.

Later, I walk into an old church with big wooden doors and a clock tower steeple. It’s the setting of another emotional scene from Isak’s season, one that aired a little before Christmas. It features a cameo by Norwegian performance artist Nils Bech, who sings a haunting, Swedish-language rendition of “O Holy Night,” in this very church.

When, on another night, I share a drink with Bech in the back of a crowded bar downtown, he says his cover of the iconic holiday staple was a kind of political statement. He relates the song’s biblical lyrics about God’s son dying for our sins to LGBTQ folk’s long-term struggle for visibility; to him, the words are directed at his gay peers, urging them to think about those who fought for equality before them. “I wanted to say, Hey people! Remember that someone, in a way, died for us to be able to be us!” Like the song, Skam itself is a symbol of how far we’ve come, and a reminder of how much work is left to do.

The reaction to the track was wild, Bech says, with admiring notes from fans and other artists pouring in straight away — a testament to the power of Skam. I asked what he thinks it is about the show that reaches people in such a unique, special way. “When you fall in love, it's always so fucking difficult,” he says, laughing. “And I love the way [Julie Andem] showed that. I think a lot of people watching realized, ‘Oh, it's not about being gay or straight or whatever — love is love.’” He took a sip of beer. “At least that’s why I like it so much.”

Late last year, it was announced that an English-language remake of the show is in the works for U.S. and Canadian audiences, with backing from American Idol producer Simon Fuller. Most Skam fans I talk to are skeptical to say the least, sometimes citing MTV’s tone deaf, too-faithful take on the U.K.’s druggy high school show Skins as an example of just how terribly these translations can go. The real-time rollout and the digital elements can be replicated easily, but the content can’t. “If the show wasn't good, you wouldn't let yourself be so engaged,” Vilde Schanke Sundet tells me.

“I think a lot of people watching realized, ‘Oh, it’s not about being gay or straight or whatever — love is love.’” —Nils Bech

Skam has earned large fan groups in a lot of places, including but not limited to the U.K., the Philippines, China, and the United States. For supporters who stop in from out of town, there is a map of shooting locations on VisitOslo.com, the city’s official travel guide. But there’s occasionally some tension between local fans and tourists, and some Norwegians feel like they understand the show in a more significant way than their international counterparts.

“Norwegian fans are really protective,” Sundet says when we meet in a gift shop near the entrance of The Vigeland Park, a huge sculpture garden full of twisty, snow-covered footpaths, before explaining the unspoken cultural rules known as the Law of Jante, which prohibits citizens from ever thinking they’re superior to anyone else. “They will tell international fans off, saying, ‘You can't go into the school,’ or ‘You need to ask before you take the pictures,’” she explained. “This is a social democracy, so the idea of someone sticking out is strongly bound in our culture. We don't have the kind of superstars that you have in Hollywood.”

That famous and non-famous people have been historically afforded the same level of respect and attention in Norway adds a layer of relatability to Skam, and helps the stories feel more personal. But the show is also a straight-up global phenomenon, one that has pushed the small Nordic society into uncharted waters by complicating these long-standing ideas about what it means to “stick out.” It’s all emblematic of another reason the show is so intoxicating: it’s reflecting back small ways the world is changing, in real time.

One night, I walk around Oslo at dusk. I walk past book shops and clothing stores and chain coffee shops and markets. I walk past churches and houses and apartments and parks. I look at the people who pass me on the street. I look at their bulky scarves and puffy jackets and fuzzy wool gloves. At some point, I start to see the Skam characters in all of their faces.

For one second, I convince myself that I actually do see Henrik Holm — the actor who plays Even, Isak’s dreamy love interest. If it is him, he’s walking fast in the opposite direction, talking into a cell phone and dragging a suitcase behind him. Suddenly, for a split second, we’re right next to each other and out of the corner of my eye, I decide that it’s really him. I’m not positive, but I’m pretty sure. I awkwardly stop walking and whip around, but he’s got long legs and a quick stride, and is already on the next block.