#oh god tagging all of them is going to be a nightmare

[moonsula]

if you put these guys in a studio this is what would happen

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

REAL AND ROTATABLE!

Thank you so much to my wonderful and talented friend Coy, who made this! This is now my most treasured belonging!

[woniedarlin]

can you, perhaps, do an idol! jungwon x reader fanfic? the setting would be reader accidentally texting jungwon and the reader is an engene as well, actually, but then reader and won keep talking but he doesn't reveal he is an idol until later!! reader could be in the industry as like a staff or smth!

Sent, Delivered, Loved

pairing: idol! Jungwon x staff! reader

synopsis: As a hardworking staff member at HYBE, the last thing you expected was to accidentally text the wrong number in the middle of a busy day. But instead of a confused reply, the person on the other end kept the conversation going. He was funny, easy to talk to, and somehow, you found yourself looking forward to his messages. You didn’t know his name, his face, or even his voice but you liked him. Which was ridiculous, right?

Oh, and the person you were texting? Yeah. It was Jungwon. THE Jungwon from enhypen.

author's note: Thank you for the amazing request, Anonie! I must say, it took me a whole month to finish this, but it was definitely worth it. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Happy reading, everyone! 💖

warning: This is just for the plot and should never be taken seriously. Do NOT text random strangers 😭 and don’t ever fall for someone just through texting. Mentions of cursing and also slight angst.

permanent tag list: @sol3chu @chlorinecake @13tter @jung1w0n @layzfy

You: bro wtf where r u???

You angrily jabbed at your screen. It was late, you were exhausted, and your friend, your so-called reliable colleague, was missing in action when you needed them most.

You: i swear to god if u left me to deal with this alone i’m blocking u forever.

A few seconds passed, and then-

Unknown Number: uh… hi??

You frowned. That wasn’t the reaction you were expecting.

You: ???

You: don’t play dumb. u know what u did.

Unknown Number: i actually don’t. i think u have the wrong number??

Your eyes widened.

Oh.

OH.

You immediately scrolled up, checking the number you had just texted, only to realize that you had completely messed up one digit in your rush.

You: …omg wait. ur not Jiho?

Unknown Number: pretty sure i’m not.

You: oh my god kill me now. i’m so sorry.

Unknown Number: lmao it’s cool. what did this guy do to deserve ur wrath tho??

You sighed and debated whether or not to answer. But at this point, you’d already embarrassed yourself. Might as well go all in.

You: he bailed on me. we were supposed to finish this event setup for work but guess who’s suddenly “busy” 🙄

Unknown Number: damn. fake friend behavior.

You: RIGHT?? like i love him but i will fight him.

The typing bubble appeared, then disappeared. Then, it appeared again.

Unknown Number: sounds like a rough job. must be intense working in the industry.

You blinked at your screen. That was… a little specific.

You: wait, how’d u know it’s the industry??

Unknown Number: u mentioned an event setup. unless ur hosting birthday parties on a tuesday night, i figured.

You: touché.

Unknown Number: so what do u do?

You hesitated for a moment. It wasn’t like this was confidential information, but still…should you be talking about work with a total stranger? Then again, you had already gone on a rant about your missing-in-action coworker, so what harm would a little more do?

You: just staff stuff. event coordination, assisting with schedules, making sure idols don’t get lost on the way to their own stages. u know. the usual.

Unknown Number: sounds like a nightmare.

You: it is <3

You chuckled, shaking your head at how easy it was to talk to this person.

Unknown Number: u must meet a lot of idols then.

You sighed.

You: yeah but it’s not as exciting as u think. they’re just people. some r nice, some r annoying, some act like they don’t know what a clock is.

Unknown Number: LOL. any favorites?

You raised an eyebrow at that.

You: what, r u an idol fan?

Unknown Number: maybe.

You: ok mysterious.

Unknown Number: u didn’t answer tho.

You hummed and think.

You: idk. if i had to pick… maybe enhypen? they’re cool.

A beat of silence. Then,

Unknown Number: good taste.

Weird. Before you could think too much about it, another message popped up.

Unknown Number: anyway, u still mad at ur friend or did u forgive him?

You rolled your eyes.

You: still mad. he better buy me food.

Unknown Number: solid plan. u deserve compensation.

You: exactly!! u get it.

And just like that, the conversation flowed on, stretching far past the frustration that started it. You didn’t know who this person was, but they were easy to talk to, and for some reason, you didn’t mind keeping the conversation going.

🫐

Over the next few weeks, your accidental text became a daily habit. You didn’t know why, but talking to this stranger was easy. Maybe it was because he had no expectations of you. He wasn’t a coworker, a superior, or an idol to impress. He was just some guy who sent back sarcastic texts and asked surprisingly thoughtful questions.

And for Jungwon, it was the opposite.

For the first time in a long while, he got to be a normal person. Not Jungwon, leader of Enhypen. Just some random guy in your messages. He didn’t have to worry about his image or if he was saying the right thing. You didn’t treat him differently. You teased him, called him bro, and sent blurry dinner photos.

And he liked it.

Maybe he never corrected you when you called him a nobody. Perhaps he looked forward to your messages more than he should.

Maybe that’s why he didn’t tell you the truth.

🫐

You groaned as you dropped onto a chair in the break room. You are completely drained, and the past few hours have been horrible. Running back and forth between different rooms, handling last-minute requests, and nearly getting run over by a staff member pushing a cart too fast. At this point, your legs were made of jelly, your back ached, and your only source of comfort was-

You: listen here, u lil gremlin. i am suffering.

Unknown Number: ???

Unknown Number: what did i do this time 😭

You: EXIST. why am i here working my ass off while u get to sit there and breathe??

Unknown Number: maybe bc u have a job and i’m just a mysterious, incredibly cool stranger on the internet

You: mysterious, incredibly cool GREMLIN.

You: actually no. goblin. u give goblin energy.

Jungwon almost choked on his water. Goblin??

Unknown Number: EXCUSE ME.

Unknown Number: what part of me gives goblin energy???

You: idk. just a vibe. like a smug little goblin who laughs at my suffering.

Jungwon did, in fact, laugh at that. He leaned back in his chair, shaking his head.

Unknown Number: ok but real talk. what’s making u suffer this time

You: running around hybe like a headless chicken. setting up for another event. also why do idols need so many rooms. just share a table or smth smh.

Jungwon raised a brow.

Hybe.

So, you worked at Hybe. That confirmed it. You were in the same building as him, probably passing by his team without even realizing it.

Unknown Number: sounds rough. u need a raise tbh.

You: RIGHT?? finally someone with common sense.

Unknown Number: goblin says u should go get a snack or smth before u pass out.

You sighed before standing up and walking toward the nearest vending machine.

You: fine. but only bc goblin said so.

Jungwon grinned. He could get used to this nickname.

🫐

You still didn’t know his real name, and he still hadn’t told you what he did for a living. But weirdly enough, you didn’t mind.

One evening, after another long day of work, you flopped onto your bed and grabbed your phone.

You: goblin. tell me something random about u.

Unknown Number: hmm. i like cats.

You: ok well that’s basic. try again.

Unknown Number: wow ok. rude.

Unknown Number: fine. i used to do taekwondo when i was younger.

You: woah. that’s kinda cool. do u still remember any moves?

Unknown Number: maybe. depends. why? u planning to fight me?

You: depends. are u annoying today?

Unknown Number: always.

You rolled your eyes and smiled to yourself.

Unknown Number: ok my turn. tell me something random about u.

You: hmm. i can survive on just ramen and coffee for a whole week.

Unknown Number: that is not something to brag about.

You: shh. survival skills.

Unknown Number: more like self-destruction skills.

You laughed.

It was weird how easy it was to talk to him. Even without knowing what he looked like or what he did, you felt like you could tell him anything.

And somehow, you got the feeling that he felt the same way.

As you continued texting, an idea popped into your head.

You: btw. i’m giving u a nickname.

Unknown Number: oh? should i be concerned?

You: yes. but it’s happening anyway.

You changed his contact name and took a screenshot.

You: congrats. ur now “goblin” in my phone. [image attached]

Goblin: goblin again???? why.

You: idk u give me goblin vibes.

Goblin: i don’t know if i should be honored or offended.

You: both.

Goblin: …fair.

You grinned to yourself. Yeah, “Goblin” suited him just fine.

🫐

It was ridiculous.

You groaned and buried your face in your hands. This was getting out of control and liking someone you’d never seen. Someone you only knew through texts and calls? It was wild. But talking to Goblin had somehow become the best part of your day.

It wasn’t just his humor or the way he matched your sarcasm. It was the way he listened. The way he remembered small details. He never made you feel like you were talking too much, even when you went on long-winded rants about work.

And that was the problem.

Because now, you were catching feelings for someone who was like a ghost. What the fuck?

You sighed and stared at your phone.

You: goblin. tell me something.

Goblin: what kind of something?

You: something about you. anything.

Goblin: hmm. okay. i like late-night drives.

You: oh? fancy. what else?

Goblin: i sing a lot, but only when i’m alone.

You smiled.

You: what if ur actually really good but no one knows?

Goblin: oh, people know.

You paused, eyebrows furrowing.

You: ?? do u perform or smth?

There was a long pause.

Goblin: nah… let’s say i’ve had some practice.

You stared at the screen. You felt an odd feeling. But before you could ask more, he changed the subject.

And this was the pattern.

You’d ask about him, he’d give vague answers. It wasn’t like he was lying. He wasn’t telling you everything.

Meanwhile, Jungwon was losing his mind.

He liked you. Way more than he should.

He knew he should tell you the truth…that he wasn’t just some random guy but an idol, an Enhypen member, someone you admired without realizing he was the same person you texted every day.

But how was he supposed to do that without making you feel betrayed?

It didn’t help that you unknowingly talked about him all the time.

You: work was chaos today. my team had to set up for an engene event, and guess what? i had to carry a life-sized jungwon cutout.

Goblin: oh? lucky u. he’s pretty cool.

You: pls. i had to carry his smug face up three flights of stairs. not fun.

Goblin: bet he was judging u the whole way.

You: EXACTLY. i could hear him in my head like “hurry up, bitch.”

Jungwon nearly choked on his drink.

You: i mean, i love him, but he def gives rich, spoiled cat vibes.

Goblin: wow. tell me how u really feel.

You: LMAO SORRY. no but fr, i respect him a lot. he works so hard.

Goblin: yeah… he really does.

Jungwon smiled to himself.

But the longer he kept the truth from you, the worse it felt.

One day, he was going to have to tell you.

He just didn’t know how.

🫐

You had one job. Just one.

Don’t freak out. Don’t stare. Be professional.

Yet, here you were, standing in the same hallway as enhypen. Your heart was racing.

You hadn’t even meant to run into them. You were trying to deliver some documents to another department when you turned a corner, and bam! almost crashed straight into Jungwon himself.

“Ah, sorry!” You quickly stepped back and bowed.

“It’s okay,” he replied casually.

You kept your head down, gripping the files in your hands. You knew the rules. Staff weren’t supposed to interact too much with idols unless necessary. So, you did what you always did. You kept moving, not making eye contact.

But the moment you were out of sight, you whipped out your phone.

You: BRO WTF I JUST BUMPED INTO ENHYPEN HELP

Goblin: oh? ur alive?

You: BARELY. I almost DIED. I ran straight into Jungwon.

Goblin: sounds like a skill issue tbh.

You: SHUT UP. Anyway, I had to act normal and not fangirl. Pain.

Goblin: so u saw Jungwon up close, huh? thoughts?

You: he’s… really handsome actually like stupidly handsome.

Jungwon, reading the text, blinked.

Wait.

Something clicked in his head.

You just said you bumped into Enhypen.

His eyes narrowed slightly as he thought back to earlier.

A staff member had walked past them, avoiding eye contact. He hadn’t paid much attention, but now that he thought about it…

That had been you.

Jungwon’s breath hitched.

Holy shit.

You were the staff member he had occasionally seen around the company. He’d thought you were pretty before, but it never crossed his mind that you were you.

Now, everything made sense. The things you ranted about, your schedule, and the way you always seemed to know too much about his events.

He grinned to himself.

Goblin: so… if u had to rank the members by looks, where would jungwon be?

You: pls don’t expose me but top 1 actually. his visuals are insane irl.

Jungwon nearly dropped his phone.

🫐

Ever since Jungwon pieced together your identity, he couldn’t help but pay more attention whenever he saw you at the company.

It wasn’t full-on stalking. No, he wasn’t that creepy. But he started noticing little things.

Like how you always ran around, papers in hand, sometimes looking stressed and sometimes smiling at your coworkers. How you always carried an energy drink in the morning, eyes barely open as you dragged yourself through the halls. How you always pulled out your phone at random moments to text him.

And, most of all, how you never once looked at him.

Jungwon found it amusing. You had no idea that the same person you were texting as “Goblin” was now actively looking for you in a crowd.

He casually walked by your usual routes, trying to confirm his suspicions. If you were near, he’d glance discreetly, watching your reactions. You were always professional, always busy, always avoiding unnecessary attention.

But then, one day, he decided to test his theory.

Exhausted, you were standing near the entrance, rubbing your temples as another staff member spoke to you. You were frustrated, probably from another long day of work.

Jungwon, a few steps away, discreetly pulled out his phone and typed.

Goblin: u alive?

A second later, your phone vibrated in your pocket.

Jungwon didn’t even need to guess. The way your entire demeanor changed was all the confirmation he needed. Your tired frown softened. Your lips curled into a small smile.

Bingo.

Now he knew it was 100% you.

Later that night, he picked up his phone again.

Goblin: so, when’s ur funeral?

You: idk but work is definitely killing me first.

Goblin: want me to fight ur boss?

You: pls. throw hands.

Jungwon chuckled to himself. Oh, if only you knew.

🫐

It was late. You sat on your bed, staring at your phone screen. Without thinking too much about it, you opened your messages.

You: Goblin, you up?

A few seconds passed before the typing bubble appeared.

Goblin: For you? Always. What’s up?

You hesitated. You weren’t usually the type to unload your emotions onto others, but something about him…about this…felt safe.

You: I���m just tired. Really tired.

You: Sometimes I feel like no matter how hard I work, no one actually sees it.

You: Like, I put in all this effort, and it’s just… expected. Nothing special. And if I mess up even a little, suddenly it’s a big deal.

You stared at your screen, debating if you should delete the message, but a reply came in before you could.

Goblin: I know exactly how that feels.

That made you pause.

You: You do?

Goblin: Yeah.

Goblin: It’s like… the pressure never stops. People only see the results, not the work behind it. And when you succeed, it’s just “as expected.” But when you fail? That’s when they notice.

That was oddly specific.

You: Exactly. Like, can someone just acknowledge how exhausting it is??

Goblin: You deserve that acknowledgment. Even if no one else says it, I will: You’re doing amazing. And I mean that.

A small smile tugged at your lips despite the frustration.

You: Thanks, Goblin. That means a lot.

Goblin: Anytime.

A comfortable silence settled between you two. Then,

Goblin: Can I tell you something too?

You sat up a little straighter.

You: Of course.

A few seconds passed before he responded.

Goblin: Sometimes I feel like people don’t actually know me. They see what they want to see. They have all these expectations, and I try to meet them, but at the end of the day… I wonder if anyone would still like me if I wasn’t what they expected.

You stared at the message, something about it making your heart ache a little.

You: That sounds lonely.

Goblin: It is. But I guess I’ve gotten used to it.

Your fingers hovered over the screen keyboard before you started typing.

You: Well, I don’t know about them, but I like you. Just as you are. Even if you’re secretly a weirdo who texts strangers in the middle of the night.

There was a pause, then-

Goblin: Wow. I was about to be all deep and emotional, and you just had to call me a weirdo.

You laughed softly.

You: I’m just saying, you’re pretty cool. Whoever you are.

You didn’t realize it, but on the other side of the screen, Jungwon stared at your message for a long time. He felt something that was terrifying.

Because for the first time in a long while, he felt seen. And he wasn’t sure if he was ready for that.

🫐

It’s late at night again, and you’re sitting at home, exhausted after another grueling day at work. Your feet ache, and your body feels heavy, but despite your exhaustion, you’re still awake because of him.

Your phone is open to your messages with Goblin, and you hesitate before typing.

You: be honest. do you ever think about what it’d be like if we met irl?

Jungwon, who was lying in bed, staring at his screen, felt his stomach drop.

Oh no.

Jungwon’s fingers hovered over his screen. His heart pounded as he read your message over and over again. Of course, he had thought about it every single day since realizing who you were. But if you knew who he really was… would you still want to meet?

After a long pause, he finally replied.

Goblin: hmm, maybe… but what if we meet and you’re disappointed?

He winced after sending it. That was a cowardly response, dodging the real issue.

Your reply came almost instantly.

You: lmao please. i bet ur like a middle-aged man with a receding hairline

You: but honestly. i do wonder. it’s weird, right? liking someone u never met??

Jungwon’s stomach flipped. Liking?

Before he could stop himself, his lips curled into a small smile. Did you really mean that? Or was it just a casual way of speaking? He needed to be careful.

Goblin: do u? like me, i mean

The second he sent it, he regretted it. It felt too direct. What if you got weirded out? He considered sending a follow-up message to downplay it, but before he could, his phone vibrated.

You: idk. maybe?

Jungwon stared at the screen, his ears burning. You liked him? But you didn’t even know who he was.

And that was the problem.

He couldn’t keep lying to you.

Taking a deep breath, Jungwon sat up in bed. His fingers moved over his keyboard, hesitating for a long moment before he typed-

Goblin: Hey, can I call you?

🫐

Your phone buzzed in your hand. An incoming call. From Goblin.

Your stomach flipped. He had never called before. Hesitating for a second, you stared at the screen before finally answering.

“Hello?”

There was a pause, then-

“Hey.”

Your breath hitched. His voice was… smooth. Gentle. Familiar in a way. You sat up straighter.

“Wow. So you do have a voice,” you teased trying to mask your nervousness.

He let out a soft chuckle. “Yeah… I figured it was time.”

There was a beat of silence before he spoke again, this time more serious.

“I have to tell you something.”

Your heart pounded. “What is it?”

Jungwon took a deep breath on the other end. His hands clenched into fists, but this was it. No more hiding.

“I know who you are.”

Your brows furrowed. “Huh?”

“we’ve met before. A lot of times.”

“Wait—what are you saying?”

Jungwon hesitated. “I’m not just some random guy.”

“I’m Jungwon.”

Silence.

Your mind raced. Jungwon? Only one Jungwon immediately came to mind, but that was impossible.

“Jungwon…?” Your voice came out weaker than you wanted.

“Yeah.” Another pause. “Yang Jungwon.”

Your breath caught in your throat.

No.

No way.

The leader of Enhypen. The same Jungwon you had bumped into at the company a few times. The same Jungwon whose songs you had on your playlist.

The same Jungwon you had been texting for months.

You felt your whole world tilt.

“You’re kidding.” You whispered.

“I’m not.” His voice was cautious. “I wanted to tell you earlier, but I was scared. I liked talking to you like this. Just as… me.”

Your grip on the phone tightened. You were shocked, confused, and something dangerously close to betrayal.

You had confided in him and talked about your job, talked about him, without knowing it was actually him.

Your mind was spinning.

“I—” You swallowed hard. “I need a minute.”

Jungwon’s heart sank. He could hear the sadness in your voice.

“I get it.” His voice was soft. “Take your time.”

But as the call ended, a heavy silence settled between you.

And Jungwon could only hope he hadn’t just lost you forever.

🫐

You had deleted his contact the second you found out the truth. It was impulsive, but even now, you felt guilty.

You never gave him a chance to explain.

Not that you owed him one. He had lied to you for months. He let you vent about work, about idols, about him. All while hiding that he was the person you were unknowingly talking about. Still, a small part of you wondered what he would have said if you had stayed long enough to hear him out. But it was too late now. You had cut him off, and life had to move on.

So you threw yourself into work, acting like nothing happened. But something felt… different.

For one, your workload, usually overwhelming, had mysteriously lightened. Tasks you had been dreading were suddenly reassigned. Even the small mistakes you made generally earned you a scolding and seemed to go unnoticed.

At first, you thought it was just luck. But then, little things started to stand out.

One evening, after a long day, you dragged yourself into a break room, exhausted. You had been assigned to help with an event that had left you completely drained. As you slumped into a chair, your coworker sighed beside you.

“Lucky you,” she muttered and stretched her arms. “I heard you were supposed to be on cleanup duty tonight, but someone switched it at the last minute.”

You blinked. “Wait… what?”

Your coworker shrugged. “Dunno. Some higher-up pulled some strings, I guess. Maybe you’ve got a guardian angel or something.”

You let out a disbelieving laugh. A guardian angel? Yeah, right.

Meanwhile, Jungwon watched from the shadows, unseen. He knew he had no right to interfere. Not after what he had done, but he couldn’t just stand by and do nothing.

So he helped in the only way he could.

He stayed silent and watched from a distance. Making sure you were okay. Doing whatever he could to ease your burden, even if you never found out.

Because if he couldn’t have you back in his life… this was the least he could do.

🫐

Your phone buzzed on your nightstand just as you were about to go to bed.

You groaned, rolling over to grab it, eyes squinting at the screen. Unknown Number.

For a second, you debated letting it ring, but curiosity got the better of you. With a sigh, you swiped to accept the call and pressed the phone to your ear.

“Hello?”

Silence.

You frowned. “Uh… hello?”

Finally, a voice. “Hey… it’s me.”

You pulled the phone away, staring at the number. It was definitely not saved in your contacts.

“…Sorry, who is this?” you asked cautiously.

A pause. Then, a chuckle. “Did you delete my number that fast?”

Your stomach dropped.

That laugh. That tone.

It hit you all at once.

Your fingers clenched around the phone. “Jungwon.”

Another silence. Then, softly-“Yeah.”

You swallowed, suddenly feeling like you couldn’t breathe.

Your brain scrambled to find something to say, but you could only stare blankly at your ceiling.

“I—What do you want?” Your voice came out smaller than you intended.

Jungwon exhaled as if he had been holding his breath. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “I just… I just needed to hear your voice.”

Your grip on the phone tightened.

“You shouldn’t have called,” you muttered. “You shouldn’t—”

“I know,” he cut in. “I know, and I’m sorry. But I couldn’t help it.”

You shut your eyes. “Jungwon, I—”

“I should’ve told you sooner,” he rushed out. “I should’ve told you a lot of things.”

Your chest ached.

“I knew it was you,” he continued. “I figured it out early. But I didn’t say anything because I was selfish. I didn’t want you to treat me differently. I didn’t want to lose what we had. I’m sorry.”

“I wasn’t pretending,” he said softer now. “Everything I said to you was real.”

You pressed your palm against your forehead. You were overwhelmed.

“I know I don’t deserve it, but…�� Jungwon hesitated. “Can I see you?”

Your heart pounded.

Could you face him? After everything?

🫐

You didn’t know why you said yes.

Maybe it was curiosity. Perhaps because you missed the feeling of something that had once felt so real. Or perhaps you weren’t as ready to let him go as you told yourself. So now, here you were. Your jacket covered your pj’s underneath. The air was cold, but not nearly as cold as the tension between you and the boy standing a few feet away. For a moment, neither of you spoke. He was wearing a hoodie, hands tucked into the pockets, eyes looking from you to the ground because he didn’t know where to start.

Seeing him now, after everything, felt surreal.

You swallowed. “So… you changed your number just to call me?”

Jungwon let out a soft laugh. “Yeah.”

You shook your head. “That’s insane.”

“I know.” His lips quirked, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I tried to leave you alone. I did. But I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

You clenched your jaw, “You lied to me.”

Jungwon’s expression fell. “I know.”

“You let me embarrass myself. You let me tell you things…things I wouldn’t have said if I knew who you were.” Your voice was with frustration and hurt. “Do you have any idea how humiliating that was?”

“I do,” Jungwon said quietly. “And I hate myself for it.”

There was silence again. Then, Jungwon decided to take a slow step closer.

“I never wanted to hurt you,” he said. “I swear. I liked talking to you. I liked that you didn’t see me as an idol. You treated me like a normal person. And for the first time in a long time, I felt like one.”

You exhaled sharply and looked away.

“I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness,” Jungwon continued. “But if any part of you still wants this, still wants me, then I’ll do anything to fix this.”

Your fingers tightened around the sleeves of your jacket.

Do you still want this?

Did you still want him?

You let out a bitter laugh while shaking your head. “You know what’s funny?”

Jungwon stayed quiet.

“I used to think it was ridiculous,” you admitted. “Liking someone you’ve never even met. Someone you only talked to through a screen.” You let out a breath. “But then… it happened.”

Jungwon’s expression softened, but he didn’t say anything.

“I told myself it wasn’t real,” you continued. “That it was just the comfort of having someone to talk to. It was easy to fall for someone when all you had were words and late-night conversations.” You swallowed. “But it felt real. And when everything came crashing down, it hurt like it was real.”

“I didn’t mean to fall for you,” you admitted. “But I did.”

Jungwon’s breath hitched. “You…”

“I liked you,” you said firmly this time. “I liked Goblin. Not Jungwon, not an idol. Just you.”

His hands twitched like he wanted to reach for you, but he held himself back.

“I ruined it,” he murmured. “Didn’t I?”

You hesitated. “I don’t know.”

It was the truth.

Jungwon was bracing himself for the worst.

You sighed and looked down at your feet. “I forgive you.”

He sucked in a breath. “You do?”

You nodded, “But…”

The relief that had started to settle in his features quickly faded.

“I want to take it slow,” you said carefully. “I want to learn more about you. You, not just the person I texted late at night.” You exhaled. “And I don’t know what to do, Jungwon. Even just meeting you here feels like I’m walking on thin ice.”

Jungwon pressed his lips together. He understood.

“If anyone finds out…” you hesitated as you glanced around as if someone could be listening. “I could lose my job. You could ruin everything you’ve worked for.”

“I know,” he murmured.

You let out a small, breathy laugh, “Then why are you even here?”

“Because you’re worth the risk.”

Your heart stuttered.

“I don’t want to let you go,” he said. “But I also don’t want to rush you. If you want to take it slow, we will.” He smiled. “I can wait. I mean, we already spent months texting. I think I can handle a little more patience.”

You rolled your eyes, but a small smile tugged at your lips.

“Okay,” you said softly. “Then let’s take it slow

🫐

Months Later

You were swamped with work, running from one task to another, barely catching a break. The office was hectic as usual, with staff members moving in and out, handling schedules, coordinating events, and making sure everything for the idols ran smoothly. You had settled into a routine again, though now and then, you’d catch yourself glancing at your phone, wondering if he would first text.

Your relationship with Jungwon had been… complicated. Ever since that night, you had both taken slow but careful texts, occasional calls, and a few fleeting encounters in the company's hallways. He was still an idol, and you were still a staff member. Even though no one knew about the two of you, there was always a risk.

As you finished organizing some paperwork, your phone vibrated in your pocket.

Goblin: Come outside.

Your brows furrowed.

You: I’m working??

Goblin: Just for a second.

You sighed. But curiosity got the best of you, and you slipped out of the office, making your way toward the quieter side of the building. As soon as you stepped outside, you spotted him. Jungwon, standing near one of the company vans, dressed in casual clothes, a cap pulled low over his face. Even with his attempt to stay hidden, you could still recognize him.`

“What are you doing here?” you asked, crossing your arms.

Jungwon smiled, “I wanted to see you.”

You rolled your eyes. “We texted last night.”

“Yeah, but that’s not the same,” he replied smoothly. “And I figured you could use a little break.”

You sighed. “Jungwon—”

Before you could argue, he held up a small bag. “I got you coffee.”

You blinked. “What?”

“And a snack.” He grinned, holding it out to you. “Figured you’d be too busy to get one yourself.”

You took the coffee from his hands, fingers brushing his for a fleeting second. “…Thanks, Goblin.”

Jungwon smirked. “You really won’t change that nickname, huh?”

“Nope,” you said and took a sip.

He huffed out a laugh.

You gave him a look. “What? You don’t like it?”

Jungwon stepped closer. “I don’t hate it,” he admitted before he leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to your mouth.

You barely had time to process it before he pulled away, grinning. “But I’d rather you call me something else.”

Your brain is short-circuited. “Like what?”

He shrugged, walking away with a smug face. “I don’t know. Maybe boyfriend?”

Your face burned as you gaped at him. “Jungwon!”

He only laughed, waving over his shoulder. “See you later, pretty.”

And just like that, he left you standing there, speechless.

You stared after him, then scoffed to yourself with a small smile.

“Guess ‘Goblin’ wasn’t so bad after all.”

[skrunksthatwunk]

so a thing that my brain does on the reg is it makes me get nervous about a scenario (ranging from probably-won't-happen to Definitely-Won't-Happen) and then i have to spend like 40 minutes meandering my way through an improv youtube apology video until my brain feels like I've addressed the scenario about as well as i can and lets me move on. usually this comes in the form of like

you accidentally said a forbidden slur (i.e. one i can't reclaim) while streaming/in a group conversation and now have to explain that your brain misfired catastrophically hard and that you've never said this word before (true) And You Have To Do It Well Enough To Be Believed

because like. i wouldn't believe that guy either, y'know? most people in that situation just cross that bridge when they get to it and do pretty bad, so maybe my brain is trying to help prepare me via interrogation. my point is that i spend a lotta my spare time pacing in my bathroom fending off theoretical murder charges (which are either phony OR true OR a secret third thing depending on the day).

as soon as i woke up this morning my brain gave me a new one:

what if people accuse you of faking your (middling) knowledge of french? and also you're a celebrity and have to prove it by speaking french live on a talk show or something.

which like. good morning to you too, brain. the first thing i did was (slowly, mediocrely) construct an appropriately indignant sentence in my head (i haven't used french since my ap exam like a month ago) and then

BUT WHAT IF PEOPLE THINK SOMEONE FED ME THE LINE

ok we'll have the audience write in questions live

WHAT IF THEY STILL THINK IT'S RIGGED AND ALSO WHAT IF I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY'RE ASKING ((<- LIKELY AND UNCHARACTERISTICALLY ROOTED IN LIVED EXPERIENCE!!!)) WHICH WOULD PROBABLY MAKE IT WORSE

girl that's The Most i can do what do you want from me.

and then once i woke up more i had a realization in that blasted out, quiet way—like an astronaut drifting away from their ship untethered, forever. that

the prognosis of taking american public high school language courses is to remember jack shit (pardon my french). it's a classic babe it's near universal. we all know we don't know.

Babygirl, (And I Cannot Express This Enough,) No One Is Ever Going To Make You Speak French Live In ~5-40 Years To Prove You Took It In High School. Go Back To Sleep. there's only like two scenarios you can think of ever where that happens and there's like a 70+% chance you can just say no or ignore it. what a weird thing to fake in the first place too who would even accuse you of that.

anyway sometimes being a citizen of Braintown is funny and not exhausting in a kind of sad clown way but it's usually just kind of awful. something something c'est la vie

[lovelettersfromluna]

Love Me Not

summary: “Oh, it’s hard to leave you when I get you everywhere”

an: Hi 😳. I know okay…I KNOW!!! It’s here, and it’s done, and Jesus Christ I seriously hope you like it. This series was soooo much fun but boy am I glad it’s finished. I have been sitting on this one for way too long, it’s about time it’s given to you all. You waited so patiently, and for that i am forever grateful. Enjoy darlings 🤍🤍🤍

warnings: MDNI!! 18+ fic!!, smut!, angst!, sub!Ellie bc she’s a fucking mess for this girl poor thing. Mentions of alcohol, tribbing, oral (Ellie!receiving), edging, Ellie is super duper soft in this one. Pls lmk if I missed anything!!!

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Ellie could count on her hands the amount of times she’d been hung up over a girl.

There was that one time when she was really young. There was a girl in her class with the most mesmerizing hair, curls that bounced like coils every time she moved. Ellie was like 6 and had no idea how to navigate the puppy love crush she had on her classmate, so never truly said anything. That one always really sticks, since it was her first real crush and not some cartoon character.

Then there was another girl in her seventh grade science class. Ellie sat right behind her, and always got a whiff of her fruity smelling body spray. Ellie’s sure if she smelled it today she’d be transported to a time of puberty and skinny jeans. One day the girl turned around and asked Ellie for a pencil and she completely froze. Body spray girl stared at Ellie like she had three heads, confused as to why she’d suddenly turned into a statue with not even a shake of the head to her pencil request.

These awkward, unrequited crushes fizzled out once Ellie got the high school. She’d found herself in a way, straightened it her posture so she didn’t walk with a slouch, ditch her god awful permanent pony tail for a choppy bob, revamped her wardrobe, did all the things she had to do to feel comfortable in her own skin rather than trying to wear one she didn’t fit in.

In the process of all this, the girls at school found her too.

She was almost overwhelmed with the attention she started getting during her freshman year. Imagine her, poor thing practically shaking in her boots while the girls flocked her like moths to a flame in the girls bathroom while they changed for gym class, practically shoving their phones into Ellie’s chest to exchange phone numbers and social media tags.

The moment Ellie accepted it and actually decided to speak to these girls, she learned that she was in fact a natural born flirt. It had always been there, she’d just been too chicken shit to apply herself.

Your brother was there during all of this too, following along as they both left you in the dust, welcoming the attention they bother gained from their transformations over the summertime. It was like overnight, the dynamic duo suddenly ruled the school and had all the girls at their feet.

So yeah, it was all of two times and when it did happen, it was because she was still terrified of the way girls made her feel.

But god….none of that came close to what you were doing to her now.

She was an adult now, an adult who wasn’t interested in a relationship right now. It wasn’t like she was a slut or anything, she simply liked her freedom. She liked hanging out with her friends, she liked being able to go where she wanted without feeling obligated to tell a girl where she was or what she was doing. She didn’t want anyone breathing down her back every waking minute of her life.

So if that was true? Why the hell were you the only thing on her mind.

Sure…you’ve always been cute. You were always around, trailing behind Ellie and your brother, trying your best to keep up while simultaneously annoying the hell out of them to include you in whatever they were getting into that day. You were the textbook little sister, a brother and his best friends worst nightmare.

It got even worse when you started to get older.

You stopped trying to tag along, finding your own friends to occupy your time during weekends and summer break. You no longer trailed behind them all day, opting to ditch them for your own friends instead. In this time, you were getting over your own awkward phase. Finding yourself and what made you feel the most comfortable in your skin.

It was hard to ignore you. Ellie was only human after all, and a pretty girl was a pretty girl, which you were (very pretty might Ellie add). Ellie wasn’t the strongest soldier, so seeing you prance around your house in your cute little overalls and dresses was one of her hardest battles. And it wasn’t like Derek ever explicitly told her to back off of his little sister. Sure, Derek was protective, but you were your own person. If you and Ellie hit it off, then who was he to get in the way of that?

But that wasn’t even it. Derek didn’t have the slightest inkling that there were any feelings between you and Ellie, he had no room to think about that because of how much Ellie disliked you, or at least how much she seemed to dislike you.

That was all Ellie. She’d always brushed you off, even when you were little. That was mainly because no one ever really wants the annoying kid sister to bother them, however it went beyond that once you all got older. Ellie wasn’t annoyed, or uninterested in whatever it was that you had to say, she was downright cruel. Bitter and mean was an understatement, and she could see the way each and every mean word she shot your way only further cemented the perception that there would never be a world where you and her could survive.

Because she saw it. She saw it in the way your eyes would linger on her, or the way you’d smile brightly whenever you walked in with a fresh baked batch of cookies or whatever the hell it was you were baking. Just because you’d found a life of your own, it didn’t mean you stopped trying to wiggle your way into Ellie and your brothers festivities from time to time.

Ellie knew that you were trouble, and she wasn’t going to let you drag her down a path she knew she’d regret.

You were too sweet, too fucking kind. Ellie knew that if she indulge in you for even a second, you’d want something more than what she could give. She could see it in your eyes, even though you did little to give it away. Ellie could see through it all, and risking your feelings and the relationship with her best friend was something she didn’t want to even begin thinking of doing. Being a total bitch to you was the only answer that made sense to Ellie.

Never did a million years did Ellie think that during a routine summer trip back home, you’d come in and fuck all of that up for her.

Because now you’re on her mind all the time. Ellie dreams about you, she falls asleep thinking about you, she wakes up thinking about you, there really isn’t a time during the day that she isn’t thinking of you. It’s suffocating, and it drives her fucking crazy because all she can think about is when she can have you again, what plan she could orchestrate that will grant her the blessing that is you. She’d fly to the moon and back without a spacesuit on if it meant she could have you without the complications that came with it all.

You linger in the back of her mind, the smell of your skin wafting into her nostrils during random points in the day, times where you aren’t even near her. The feeling of your lips on hers is cemented into her brain, making her weak in the knees every time her eyes flutter shut and she’s able to make out the feeling of your sweet mouth pressed against hers. The shape of your body feels like a puzzle piece, slotted perfectly into hers and molding against her, making her feel like there really isn’t anywhere in the world she belongs more than she belongs with you.

Ellies never felt like this about anyone, and it’s fucking scare her.

It’s how she ended up here, sitting on the couch in your living room and waiting for you to come downstairs and explain yourself.

She saw red when she heard you through the door, your sweet moans contained by the thick walls of your bedroom. Ellie thinks back to when those moans were for her, when you she had you a whining mess beneath her, begging to cum. She remembers how pretty your eyes were when you tugged her down for a kiss, they were practically sparkling with a need that drove Ellie fucking insane.

Knowing that someone else was seeing you that way made her blood run cold.

She didn’t sleep a wink that night, storming down the stairs of your house and settling on your couch. She was like a statue, unmoving as she waited for the inevitable moment that you’d finally come downstairs. A small part of her hoped you’d kick Abby out the same way you kicked her out the last time you were together, seemingly chalking it up to you wanting to sleep in your bed alone.

But time continued to pass, and the sun began to seep into the big windows of your home, and that never happened.

No, you stayed up there with Abby all night. You couldn’t really bring yourself to turn her away after your night together. Her strong arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you back into her chest as her hand came up to gently stroke your hair as you fell asleep. It was blissful, the first night since your time with Ellie you were able to sleep with your mind free of the green eyed monster that had taken over your life.

Abby wakes you up with kisses to your neck, her hand slipping under the hem of your t shirt and stroking your bare skin gently as she pulls you out of your dreams. It’s almost too much, the warmth she brings overwhelming as she wakes you up. You dread the moment you’ll have to get up and walk her downstairs.

Little did you know, Abby leaving was the least of your worries.

The sound of your giggles breaks Ellie out of her various daydreams about how she’ll give you and Abby a piece of her mind. She ignores the way it makes her heart flutter, instead keeping her head straight as the sounds of your footsteps grow closer and closer.

“I should be free next Friday…I just need to make sure Derek doesn’t have any plans-“ your flirty words are abruptly stopped once you reach the bottom of the stairs and catch Ellie sitting on the couch.

“Ellie?” You call out softly, your lips tugging down into a gentle frown as you watch the girl staring blankly at the black tv screen.

She inhales deeply before finally standing up from the couch and turning around to watch you. Her appearance nearly makes you gasp, her eyes are low and dull, staring straight into your soul as her tattooed arms cross over her chest. Her tongue darts out slowly to wet her chapped lips before she exhales through her nose.

With the way she’s staring at you, you’re sure that whatever she’ll say next will be directed at you. Her stare is intense and it makes your stomach coil as you stare into her eyes, feeling like she’s judging you as she bores holes into your skull.

But to your surprise, she doesn’t.

Her state shifts behind to to Abby, who’s been silently standing behind you as she watches the awkward stare down between you and Ellie.

“The fuck are you doing here” Ellie spits out as she nods her chin towards the blonde, her words laced with a bitter tone that sends electricity down your spine.

Abby raises her eyebrows at the brunettes question, scoffing softly before she steps forward a bit so that she’s closer behind you. “Was just catching up with an old friend….I didn’t know I needed to call and update you on my every move, Williams” Abby teases, her tone far lighter and more playful than Ellie’s.

Ellie doesn’t seem to get the memo.

“Cool. All caught up then?” She bites back, eyes still laced with something that scares even you.

Abby’s tongue darts out to lick her lips, eyes still trained on Ellie. She then looks down at you, seeing how intently you’re staring at Ellie, anticipating her next move, silent as a mouse.

It doesn’t take much for Abby to now exactly what’s going on here.

She inhales deeply before she nods, her eyes dropping down to the ground before she speaks. “You’re right…I’m sure you’re very tired” Abby drawls out as she looks down at you, the smirk on her face matching the teasing tone in her voice.

Ellie feels like she’ll fucking break something right then and there.

Abby’s words make you stumble over your own. You blink quickly, practically bringing yourself back to life as you turn around to look up at her, giving her a quick nod paired with a small smile. “Yeah…yeah! I’ll uh….ill walk you out” you tell her, your hand going down to interlock your fingers with hers as you lead her to the door.

You open the door for her, inhaling deeply as she finally turns around and gives you a small smile. “Text me….ill come and pick you up on Friday” she promises, her words making your eyes go wide.

If her bold words weren’t enough to shock you, what she does next practically takes your breath away.

She leans down a bit, strong arm going around your waist and pulling you close as she presses a kiss to your mouth. It makes you gasp softly, eyes fluttering shut as you let out a small yelp which Abby swallows up happily, her hand toying with the silky fabric of your top.

When she finally breaks the kiss, she smiles down at you, her hand coming up and brushing a few strands of hair from your face. “I’ll see you later angel” she promises, blue eyes staring deeply into yours before they flicker up to Ellie, a taunting smirk on her lips as she stands up straight.

“I’ll see you around Williams” she promises, giving your waist a gentle squeeze before she finally leaves.

You’re too stunned to speak after all of that, the tension between the two women almost making you dizzy. The air was thick, and it made it hard to breathe especially when Abby kisses you like that in front of Ellie, taking the air right out of your lungs and into her own.

You don’t even want to look at Ellie right now.

She’s angry. Nostrils flared, eyes low, fists balled, she looks like she’s ready to fucking kill someone and you’re directly in her line of sight.

You can practically feel her eyes boring holes into the back of your head, and it makes your breath shaky as you struggle to figure out what to do, wondering whether or not you should turn around and face the girl behind you.

You decide that right now, you can’t.

You keep your head down as you turn around, trying your best to swiftly pass the girl to go up the stairs. You hope that this is just her being dumb and trying to cock block for the sake of it and nothing more, mainly because you aren’t entirely sure you could handle it if it were something more.

Right when you think you’re in the clear, you feel a familiar hand grab your arm tightly.

It makes you gasp softly, feeling as she pulls you to look at her instead of letting you go upstairs. You’re met with those same green eyes that were cemented into your memory, the ones that stared into yours as Ellie begged you to cum for her.

“What the fuck was that” Ellie’s voice is low as she stares into your eyes, grip tightening around your arm as she licks her dry lips.

You stumble over your words, her intense stare turning you into a stuttering mess as you shake your head quickly. “I…what was what Ellie? I don’t-“ she’s quick to cut you off.

“Don’t be stupid. Why the fuck did you choose her” the word falls from her lips like venom, the green eyed girl practically seething it out as she interrogates you.

“You did it on purpose didn’t you…you know how much I fucking hate her, so you wanted to get back at me” she accuses as she gets closer, backing you up into a wall, her body nearly pressed against yours.

Your brain practically short circuits.

Because Abby is your friend, a good friend of yours that you’d had for a large portion of your life so far. She was kind and funny and if you had to admit, you were a little shocked that you two had ended up sleeping together.

But never in a million years did you think that Abby and Ellie had some sort of infamous feud.

Your eyebrows furrow softly as you stare up at her in confusion. “On purpose? Ellie what the fuck are you talking about?” You bark back, suddenly feeling hurt over the girls accusations of you.

She chuckles softly as she nods slowly. “We both knew what you were doing…needed some attention huh? You know you didn’t need to do all of this to get it…” she hums out softly, her bottom lip tugging underneath her teeth as her hand lets go of your arms, and falls down to your waist.

Usually, this would’ve had your head spinning. And while it does make you dizzy, it isn’t at all for the reasons it would have before.

Ellie is fucking with your head at this point.

“Get the fuck off of me Ellie” you sigh out as you roughly push her off of you, allowing you to quickly slip past her body and run up the stairs before she can stop you.

You miss the shocked expression on Ellie’s face when you slip passed her, your feet padding along the wooden steps as you make your way up to your bedroom. She wasn’t entirely sure how you’d react to the quick shift in the conversation, having her going from accusing you to fucking Abby just to get to her, to trying to get it in with you right after.

You’ve had enough at this point. Ellie makes your head spin in the worst fucking way and you know that if you let her in again, you’ll never be able to put an end to whatever fucked up mind tricks she kept playing on you.

Things between you and Ellie had to stop, and you were going to be the one to put an end to it.

Ellie has fucked up in her life….a lot.

And who doesn’t, right? Humans make mistakes, not everyone’s perfect, that much is true. Ellie wasn’t perfect, which she was entirely okay with of course. She didn’t strive to be perfect, she didn’t put those expectations on herself or allowed anyone in her life to expect that of her either. She was a good friend, a great daughter, well rounded student, hard worker, all of the things that really mattered she had checked off.

But man….had she fucked things up royally with you.

Here she was, thinking she could keep you both in a never ending loop of sex and awkward interactions, top it off with some uncomfortable conversations here and there that would most likely turn into screaming matches, and that was enough.

Even though she knew it wasn’t.

You were too good for that. You were too good for the fucked up cycle that she’d created for the two of you. You deserved so much more. You deserved the fucking world served on a silver platter, any and every good thing should’ve been handed to you the moment you asked for it. Ellie had made your life a living hell since you were a kid and yet you still went out of your way to be cordial with her, never letting that sweet persona of yours drop even for an asshole like her.

Ellie fucked up a lot, but she wasn’t an idiot.

She knew why she did what she did, she wasn’t unaware of her own actions. She didn’t need a therapist to read her to absolute filth to get the answers behind why you were so cruel, it was simple.

Ellie hated the way you made her feel.

She hated the thoughts she had of you. She hated the way you lingered in her mind, your voice playing over and over again in her head, giving her no room to escape the absolute lullaby that was you. She hated how much she felt for you, realizing just how much you’d been lingering in her mind before now, even if she didn’t even realize it.

She hated that she’d never thought about a girl the way she thought about you. She hated the way she yearned for your skin against hers. She hated the way you could walk into her bedroom right now, and she’d get on her knees and beg for forgiveness.

What she hated the most though? Was the look in your eyes the last time she was staring into them.

You looked….disgusted. Utterly appalled with Ellie’s behavior, shocked that she’d even think you’d let her touch you again.

Yeah. That one was one for the books.

Ellie didn’t even know you were capable of looking so put off by someone. You were always so kind, so understanding, and you’d welcomed her happily every time she tried going to you this summer.

It seemed she’d crossed a line that she couldn’t get back over.

She didn’t even think it was going to be that bad. Sure, maybe you’d be pissed off with her for a few days, but you never held a grudge. After a day or two, you were back to your normal, bubbly self. That’s how things normally was, that’s how they’d been over the course of the summer so far for the most part.

Not this time.

Ellie almost wondered if you’d give yourself some time away from her like you’d done in the past, locking yourself away in your bedroom until you were ready to come out again. She figured this was your way of decompressing, not for a second giving anymore thought to the fact that you were in fact decompressing from her.

She was shocked when she saw you roaming around the house the next morning, bright and early before either herself or your brother were awake.

In true Ellie fashion, she pretends like she doesn’t see you.

Mainly because she doesn’t really know what to make of the situation yet. She doesn’t know where you stand, how you’ll react towards her, and clearly you’re calling the shots in this situation now because how you’re handling this plays a big part in how Ellie will handle it.

That morning, she watches you from the corner of her eyes. You go on as if you’re the only one there, your headphones covering your ears as you hum softly to the music playing through them, a song Ellie can barely make out over the gentle sound of bacon and eggs sizzling in the pan you’re working on.

The sound of your sugary voice jumping back and forth between humming the melody of the song you’re listening to, and softly mumbling the lyrics makes Ellie’s heart jump. There’s something so domestic about seeing you this way, and Ellie can’t stop the way her mind drifts off to a place in the nearby future. A place where you’re wearing your cute pajamas, sock clad feet padding along the wooden floor as music plays softly throughout the kitchen, aiding you in your morning routine of making breakfast for both you and her. She imagines wrapping her arms around your waist, pulling you into her chest as she presses loving kisses to your neck, the smell of your flowery shampoo filling her nose and making her head spin, hands toying with the soft material of your sleep shirt. She imagines resting her chin on your shoulder as she eyes whatever is it you’re making for the two of you, asking if she can help in any way. She imagines the way you sway against her, the feeling of your body alone making her feel complete, making her feel like the only place that could ever be called home is you-

The sound of your back door slamming loudly snaps her out of her homey day dreams of the two of you.

The sound makes her flinch, and she can see from her spot on the couch that in the time she was having silly little fantasies about you, you’d finished cooking, plated up your food, and retreated out to the back without saying a single word.

Not so much as a look was sent Ellie’s way from you that morning, which was a side of you that she’d never seen.

You tended to hide away from the world whenever you were angry or upset, keeping that side of yourself private rather than being open with the person that made you feel that way. Ellie was an expert in that, you’d ran away from her too many times to count within the time that she’d known you. She never truly saw you angry at her, or at anyone. You gave yourself time to burn off that anger and simmer down before returning back to the you that everyone was the most familiar with.

The week after the whole Abby situation was filled with moments like that. You lived your life as if Ellie didn’t exist. Gone were the annoyed little huffs you’d give her, or the bratty eye rolls that you’d make sure she’d see whenever she got on your nerves. Those were all things of the past. It was like Ellie was a ghost, living in a reality where she didn’t exist to you. Ellie could be on fire in the middle of your living room and you wouldn’t bat an eye, instead busying yourself with talking on the phone with your friends from college or texting Abby.

Yeah, that was the nail in the coffin with all of this.

Ellie would lay in her bed night after night, straining to listening to the sound of your soft giggles paired with Abby’s voice coming in through the speaker of your phone. Ellie quickly realized that she doesn’t think she’s ever heard you laugh that way with her.

Ever.

Ellie wasn’t an idiot. She was emotionally mature….for the most part. She knew that regardless of how she felt, she wronged you. Before the Abby thing, this entire summer had been filled with different occasions of her being a total dick to you, and you didn’t deserve any of that.

Ellie knew that if she was going to get anywhere with you, she needed to apologize first.

She does it about a week later. At that point it’s been the longest since she’s spoken to you the whole summer and she’s going slightly insane. It’s raining, so you all decided to stay in. She waited in her room, legs dangling off the edge of the bed as she stared up at the ceiling, waiting for you to get out of the shower and go back to your room.

The sound of the water turning off lets her know you’re finished. She gives you a moment, wanting you to be dressed by the time she goes over. After some time passes, she takes a deep inhale before she pushes herself up onto her feet so she can make your way to your bedroom.

It’s pathetic because she can’t remember the last time she was this nervous. She sure as hell wasn’t this nervous when she was sneaking into your room to get you off a few weeks ago. All she was doing was going to talk to you and she could hear her fucking heartbeat in her ear.

Soon she’s in front of your door, taking a deep inhale before her tattooed hand comes up to rap it.

You perk up at the sound, your eyes drifting over to your door. You furrow your brows in confusion, opening your messages to see if you’d missed any texts from your brother to prompt him to visit you in your room instead. You see you have no messages, for a moment wondering if you should get up and open it. On any other given day you probably would have, but the extra guest in your house made the likeliness of it being your brother go down to about half.

You sit up in your bed, facing your door before calling out. “Who is it?” You question wearily.

Your voice makes Ellie tense up, and she inhales deeply before she speaks. “I…it’s me…can we talk?” She breaths out, her nerves forcing her voice to go shaky, making her clear her throat once she’s spoken.

There’s silence on the other end, and Ellie isn’t entirely sure how to take it. She inhales deeply before speaking again. “I know I’ve been a dick but just…I can’t apologize through a door…come on” she pleads with you once more, only for her words to be in vain once she’s met with even more deafening silence.

It makes her stomach churn, and she knows she has limited options here. She blinks a few times before her hand wraps around the doorknob, checking to see if she’s able to twist it open. Once she feels the familiar feeling of the knob turning, she’s filled with a temporary sense of relief. “Fuck it…I’m coming it” she announces, turning the knob fully before pushing the door open.

She finds you on your bed, completely unbothered as you scroll through your phone mindlessly. Ellie licks her lips as she takes you in, acting almost as if she wasn’t even in your bedroom, going about your business as you were prior to her being there.

“Can you just look at me when I’m talking to you? That’s all I’m asking for here” she begs, arms crossing over her chest as she stares down at your form in your bed.

Ellie thinks she’s dreaming when she finally hears a gentle huff leave your lips. You toss your phone to the side before pushing your blanket off your legs and move to sit up. You sit criss crossed as you give her an unamused look, a gentle frown on your lips as your eyes practically beg her to get on with what she has to say.

She blinked a few times in shock, her heart nearly beating out of her chest when she sees you’re finally looking at her. She inhales deeply before speaking again. “Look…I’m sorry, okay? For all of it. I’m sorry for being so shitty to you when we were kids and…and I’m sorry for how I’ve been acting this summer, you don’t deserve any of that shit. And I’m sorry for the Abby thing…she’s a fucking bitch but I shouldn’t have did what I did. And….and” she stutters, struggling to pinpoint where else she’s failed so she can apologize, the words she’s looking for hanging on the tip of her tongue as she runs her hand through her hair.

“And I’m sorry being so fucking mean to you all the time” she breaths out, her face flushed as she stares into your eyes, chest rising and falling as she comes down from her rant.

All you do is give her that same unamused look, let out a gentle sigh before moving to lay back down into your bed, taking your phone into your hand and going back to whatever you were doing prior.

“Cool. You can leave now” you hum out casually before turning on your side, tugging your blanket further over your shoulder, practically shielding you from her gaze.

Ellie is dumbfounded, like hanging agape as she stares at you in disbelief. She’d just poured her entire heart out to you, letting you in on the mental turmoil she’d been experiencing this past summer that was putting her quite literally out of her mind…

And you didn’t even care.

“Are you…are you fucking kidding me right now?” She scoffed out in utter shock, her hand going up to run through her auburn locks as she looked around your bedroom, almost as if she were looking for the hidden cameras that would prove this is all a sick joke.

“I just gave you the apology of my fucking life and all you have to say is…is cool??” She breaths out in disbelief, staring down at you laid comfortably on your bed, cuddled up beneath your plush blankets as if she weren’t even there.

Ellie watches as your eyes drift over to hers for only a minute before they’re settled back onto the soft glow emitting from your phone screen, a gentle sigh leaving your lips before you sigh.

“Thanks for apologizing. You can leave now” you dismiss her once again, yet another confirmation from your end that you certainly were not interested in what Ellie had to say.

Her brows furrow, green eyes staring angrily down at you, nostrils flared as she feels herself growing angrier and angrier. She doesn’t really think when she moves next, her anger is doing all the work for her.

You go from feeling the warmth of your blankets on your skin, to your bare legs being exposed to the cold air in your dim bedroom. It makes you gasp, your eyes immediately going up to Ellie who’s just yanked your blanket off of your body, staring down at you expectantly.

You were going to acknowledge her, whether you liked it or not.

You scoff, tossing your phone to the side before you swing your legs off of your bed, and stand up so you’re now face to face with the green eyed demon that had bene ruining your life since you were a young girl.

This needed to end now.

“You think that just because you barge in here and give me some half ass apology, that you’re suddenly entitled to my attention? To my forgiveness?” You question, words rolling off your tongue like venom. You don’t give her time to respond, your chest slowly rising and falling at a quicker pace as you feel yourself getting angrier and angrier by the second.

“Do you think I’m a fucking idiot, Ellie? Do you seriously think I can’t see right through this little game you have? The second you realize I can give my time to someone else who’s actually worthy of it, you feel like you’re suddenly in the position to force me to acknowledge you. What about Hazel? Hm? Was I allowed to question you for the girl you were with? Or how about when she humiliated me in front of everyone multiple times, was I in the position to demand an apology?” You question her once more before you let out an unamused laugh, your hand coming up to tuck a stand of hair behind your ear before you inhale deeply.

“If you think that all the shit you’ve put me through will ever be undone by one sorry ass apology and the excuse of you being bad with your feelings, you’re gonna have a rude awakening Ellie” you finally sigh out gently, slipping past her and making your way to your bedroom door and opening it.

“Get out and don’t speak to me for the rest of the summer” you finalize, standing at the door as you wait for her to leave your bedroom.

Ellie doesn’t really know what to say, mainly because she’s never seen this side of you. You’re always so sweet, and quiet. Even after everything that she’d said and done to you, before this summer and after, you’d never said anything like this to her, or anyone for that matter.

The look in your eyes is what does it for her, it’s what proves to her you’re not just all bark and no bite, because you’re looking at Ellie like….

Like you’re disgusted by her.

You see a side of Ellie you’d never seen that night either, because Ellie is hot headed and has a horrible temper. You expected her to not go down without a fight, going back and forth with you until you were both blue in the face. In all honesty you had a list of things ready to throw back at her when you knew she’d refuse to leave at your first request.

But she doesn’t. She stares at you for a moment, green eyes studying your face and body intently as if she was going to say something. She doesn’t, all she does is storm out of your room, footsteps angry against your floorboards as she slips past you.

When she’s gone, you feel like you can finally breathe. Your hands are shaking from the adrenaline, shoulders that were once strong and confident slumping over when you let out a deep breath, one you’d seemingly held in the moment Ellie walked into your room. You tried to keep your composure around her, you’d rather die than show her how much control she had over you, how deeply she’d settled into your bones, made it nearly impossible to do anything or be anywhere without thinking of her.

Ellie was losing her mind, to say the least

You’d made yourself almost completely sparse throughout the spacious home ever since then. You’d leave the house before anyone woke up, and you’d come home after everyone went to sleep.

There was one night in particular however, where Ellie had decided to stay home from a party everyone was going out to. It was a sorry attempt at trying to talk to you again, but she could only hope that whatever you were out doing tired you out enough to at least give her a moment to hear her out. She remembers how dark the house was that night, how quiet it was. There was a blue-ish glow emitting from the large tv in your living room, the sound of the game controller clicking gently as she tapped away at the buttons. It was late, and she was slowly losing hope that you’d come home. She didn’t want to think about that much, because you not coming home only meant one thing, and Ellie’s confused little heart truly could not handle that mental image right now.

Sometime within the night she ends up drifting off to sleep, eyes growing heavy as the pause screen stares back at her, gentle music from the video game only aiding in lulling her to sleep.

The noise of the front door paired with the melodic sound of your soft giggles is what brings her from it, green eyes slowly blinking open as she hears you clumsily kick your boots off, the heavy material thudding against the wooden floorboards as you let out a gentle groan.

“Shit…fuck…” you giggle out softly as you brace against the closet door, lazily kicking your shoes into the closet before tugging your jacket off and shoving it onto a random hanger. Ellie can tell from the way you’re giggling and talking to yourself that you’re drunk, it makes her sit up, the girl rubbing the sleep from her eyes as she adjusts the hoodie hugging her body.

Her breath gets caught in her throat when she sees you stop in front of the living room, head tilting the side in confusion as you watch the girl sitting there in your living room. It doesn’t help that you look stunning either, there’s something about how messy your hair is, a few strands falling over your shoulder, others framing your face beautifully. The dress you’re wearing hugs your body perfectly, the color complimenting your skin tone so well it was almost like it was made for you.

She’s staring so hard she doesn’t realize that you’re taking to her.

“What?” She practically chokes out, the girl completely taken aback over the fact that you’re actually…speaking to her?

You have to hold back a giggle at her reaction. Maybe it was the fact that you were drunk, or that you’d had a great time with at the party you were at, but you were able to put your annoyance for Ellie to the side for just a moment so your curiosity could take over instead. You knew your brother was going to a party tonight, and Ellie skipping out on a night out and staying home was like a fish saying he preferred his fish tank over the big blue ocean.

Or…maybe you missed Ellie.

“I said…what are you doing here? You didn’t wanna go with Derek?” You breath out, slowly making your way over to the girl. Soon you’re standing over her as she sits on the couch, big green eyes staring up at you in childlike wonder. It’s almost endearing how dumbfounded she is over you doing something as simple as speaking to her.

If anyone told you Ellie would be acting like this with you a few months ago, you’d tell them to kick rocks.

Ellie’s head is spinning when you’re this close, because she can smell your perfume lingering from your skin…god your skin, you look so soft, so inviting and warm. Her memories grew fuzzier and fuzzier with each growing day, and she was almost forgetting that she had you the way she wanted you at one point, moaning underneath her, begging for her while her hands were given your skin to squeeze and hold however she pleased.

“I…I um…” she stuttered, unable to find the words to say. Even if she could, what was she supposed to tell you. Was she supposed to tell you the truth? That she’d stayed home to wait up for you? To get this exact moment that she so desperately wanted? However now that she had it she was acting like she’d never talked to a girl in her entire life.

You hum softly, giving her a nod as if you understood the nonsense she was speaking completely. “You should go to bed…it’s late” you mumble out as you lift your head and turn to look at the clock on the wall, seeing that it was well past five in the morning. You both needed to sleep.

That’s when Ellie sees it, the standing lamp in the living room is dull, but the warm glow allows her to make out the deep purple marks littering your pretty neck, a hungry mouth latching onto your skin and marking you for the world to see.

God, it makes Ellie feel fucking sick to see that shit.

She licks her lips, ready to speak, ready to ask about who those are from even though deep down she already knows, and she knows that even if you do tell her, it won’t make anything better.

But she can’t because you’re looking down at her again with those pretty eyes of yours, the remaining lip liner fading away from your lips, leaving a pretty red tint to your soft lips. It’s been kissed away and that drives Ellie even closer to the brink of insanity.

“Goodnight Ellie…” you hum out, voice soft and gentle as you give her a half smile before you stumble off to bed, sure to peel your dress off and tuck yourself into bed only to sleep off the remaining lust and liquor that lingered in your system, unable to remember anything that was said to her when you wake up.

That little glimpse of you, of how she remembers you is what forces Ellie to hang onto you even more, even after you demanded she stop speaking to you for the rest of the summer. A moment of softness between the two of you had her groaning, shoving her face into her pillow as she yearned for more of it, more of you.

It was psychological warfare, and you didn’t even know what you were doing to her.

She doesn’t expect for that to be a peace offering from your end. She knows it was a one off, it was simply a time and place sort of thing. You were too drunk and sleepy to remember the anger you had for Ellie, and you being the kind person you are, was worried about her going to bed at a reasonable time.

Ellie hangs onto that night though, because as delusional as it makes her sound, it gives her hope.

She thinks about it particularly when your brother is sat on the edge of her bed, a loud groan emitting from his lips as he falls back into the soft mattress.

“Dude what is going on with you? You’ve flaked on like…the last three parties” your brother complains, his head tilting back to look at his best friend.

He finds her deep in thought, the brunette sighing softly as she shrugs while staring up at the ceiling above her. “I dunno…I just…haven’t really been in the mood to go out.” She lies with a gentle sigh. Well…it wasn’t entirely a lie. She really didn’t feel like going out, however it was why she didn’t feel like going out that she was leaving out of her responses to her best friend.

Telling your brother that you’re the reason she didn’t want to go out wasn’t exactly the smartest idea.

Derek groaned softly before he propped himself up onto his palms, letting out a low groan before he shook his head.

“I really need you tonight man…If you don’t go then that means it’s just me again and Hazels being a bitch about you not coming, on top of that I’m pretty sure my little sister is coming and I’m seriously going to need some help keeping those two from killing each other-“ Ellie is quick to cut your brother off the second he mentions you. She perks up immediately, the girl sitting up from her bed and eyeing your brother intently.

“Your sister is going tonight?” She’s quick to ask, so quick in fact that it catches your brother off guard. He stares at her for a moment, silently blinking as he watches the girl before he nods slowly.

“I…yeah? Why wouldn’t she go?” He questions genuinely.

It was almost incredible how oblivious your brother was to the tension between you and Ellie.

Her pink tongue darts out to lick her lips before she speaks once more. “You know what…you’re right. I haven’t gone out in a while…” she nods slowly before she swings her feet over the bed, quickly going over to her closet and rummaging through her clothes to pick out an outfit. “Get out. I need to shower and start getting ready.” She says as she begins zooming throughout her room to get dressed.

Derek watches his best friend almost in a trance. He was ready to beg her to come out at least five more times before he got shut down and inevitably kicked out of her bedroom, but he was not at all expecting her to jump up at the mere mention of going out.

Huh…maybe she was just…feeling tired?

Ellie let’s put another sigh as she turns around, hands placed on her hips as she gives your brother an annoyed look as she shrugs her shoulders. “I said get out man” she says once more. Your words seemingly finally register in your brothers head as he gives a quick nod, quickly jumping up from her bed. “Right! Yes…yeah I’m going….we leave in an hour alright?” He reminds her with an excited grin before finally leaving the girls bedroom.

Ellie usually tries to put in her best effort when going out, wanting to look good for any one she’d happen to run into, that wasn’t out of the ordinary for her. But tonight? Knowing you’d be there? She found herself struggling to wear something good, something that would make her feel confident, something that….

Something you’d like.

She saw the way you looked at her whenever she showed some skin, the way your eyes lingered whenever her tattoos were on full display for the old to see. Your eyes would linger on her inked skin whenever she had them out, so she knew for a fact she needed to show those off tonight. She settles on a pair of baggy jeans that rest low on her hips, and a fitted t shirt that allowed a sliver of her hips to peak out from beneath it. She lets out a soft huff as she runs her fingers through her hair, making sure she was happy with her appearance in the mirror before she started making her way downstairs.

Tonight’s different, because instead of everyone meeting at your house, it’s just Derek standing in the kitchen as he works on some drinks to pregame with.

3 drinks to be exact.

Ellie hums out softly as she makes her way to the island he’s set up at, palms resting against the cool marble as she eyes the concoction your brother works on.

“Just the three of us tonight?” Ellie hums out as she grabs a bottle of tequila, eyeing the label before she sets it back down. Derek hums softly as he nods, pouring what he’s working on into three red solo cups.

“Yeah, everyone else is just gonna meet at the club…it’s easier that way” he explains before he passes Ellie one of the cups, bringing one to his own lips as well as he eyes his friend. “Hazels coming though…she’s been asking about you for weeks man” he smirks out as he takes a sip of the drink.

Ellie practically winces at the mention of the girls name, but plays it off as the drink getting to her instead. She lets out a low groan before she shrugs. “Yeah man I…I don’t think I’m feeling her anymore” she explains, taking another sip of her drink.

Derek raises his brows at the girls words before he chuckles softly. “Oh? That’s new. You were talking about her the entire drive down here…” he quips before he takes another sip. “Got your eye on someone else?” He questions, giving the girl time to respond.

That makes a chill run down Ellie’s spine, because it’s comical how aware yet oblivious your brother is to the entire situation. She opens her mouth to respond, on the brink of actually telling him and admitting to herself that it’s you she has her eyes on, it’s you that has her so absolutely torn up she can barely get out of bed and be productive during the day because of how much she’s fucked up. It’s all you and she can barely fucking function without-

The familiar patter of your feet against the stairs has her thoughts cut in half.

You’re humming gently to yourself, hair styled perfectly when you come into view, denim shorts hugging your frame, wrapping around your hips and thighs as if your body was the only one in mind when they were made. Your pink top is such a pretty, shimmer material, the light catches different patterns on it and it looks like you’re practically glowing. Your lips are glossy, shimmery and pretty, it makes Ellie’s head fucking spin.

God, she’s so obsessed with you.

You give Derek a small smile as you slip past Ellie as if she wasn’t even there, standing beside him as you reach out to point towards the remaining solo cup. “This one for me?” You question, Derek nods as he slides the cup towards you. “Yes ma’am. Made sure to use tequila instead of vodka tonight, didn’t want to upset the princess” he mocks, patting your head gently which makes you roll your eyes as you nudge him gently. “Vodkas fucking gross. You guys are insane for guzzling that shit” you sigh out softly before you take a sip of your drink, a gentle hum leaving your lips as you give a nod of approval. “It’s good, thanks” you give your brother a soft smile as you thank him before you take another sip.

A blanket of silence falls over the three of you, Ellie’s eyes are practically glued to you as she eyes you closely, taking in your every move as her eyes linger on yours. You’re trying your best not to give into it, because you’d be able to feel those green eyes boring holes into your face even if the room were pitch black.

You let out a soft sigh before you quickly throw back the rest of your drink, not wanting to prolong things anymore or give Ellie any openings to ask you any questions in front of your brother.

“I’ll get the uber tonight, you guys can buy me drinks at the club” you hum out casually as you tug your phone out of your back pocket, mindlessly tucking your bottom lip beneath your teeth as you tap along your screen to call for the uber. Ellie’s eyes never leave your lips after this, zeroing in on the gloss painting your bottom lip while you focus on your screen.

God, tonight was going to be long.

It all happens in the blink of an eye. One moment Ellie is sat in the back of the uber with your brother, listening to you and him chatting back and forth with the uber driver. You were both always so friendly in that sense, sharing a sort of charm that she’d only ever really seen in the two of you. You were almost like twins in that sense, sharing that same charismatic, friendly, almost annoyingly likable personality. The moment either of you walked into a room, all eyes were always on either of you.

Then the next, you’re trailing behind her and your brother as they lead you both to the rest of their friends at the club. Ellie is so locked in on the idea of you, thinking of how she’d be able to get a moment with you, that she hardly realizes Hazel is squealing and practically jumping out of her spot in the booth and into her arms.

“Ellie! Where have you been!” She whines softly, pulling back and practically smashing her lips against Ellie’s before she’s given a chance to respond.

Ellie’s eyes go wide at the gesture, completely caught off guard by her forwardness. She places her hands on her hips, gently tugging her off of her body as she breaks the kiss, which is only met with an annoyed whine from Hazel. Ellie catches onto it, making out the image of the girls expression through the dim lighting of the club. She licks her lips, staring into the girls eyes for a moment before she turns her head to find you, suddenly only concerned with whether or not you just saw that.

When she does spot you, your eyes are already on the pair from your spot in the booth, snuggled between two of Ellie’s friends that are far too concerned with taking shots and laughing about whatever the hell they were talking about to notice the pouting girl in between them.

The moment you realize Ellie catches your gaze, you’re gently tapping the shoulder of your brothers friend, giving him a gentle smile as you ask him to scoot out of the booth so you could get out, wanting to head to the bar for a drink.

Ellie’s eyes linger on yours as she watches you leave, slowly losing you as you slip in between the crowded club to make your way to the bar. Hazel notices too, whining softly as her manicured fingers cup Ellie’s face, pulling her back to look at her instead of you. “What are you looking at? Didn’t you miss me?” She questions once more, the girl clearly getting more annoyed with the lack of response from Ellie’s end.

Ellie furrows her eyebrows as she lets out a sigh, looking away from the girl for a moment before she opens her mouth to speak. “Look Hazel…I’ve been thinking a lot and I just feel like-“ Hazel cuts her off with a soft huff as she shakes her head, wrapping her arms around Ellie’s neck as she leans in to press another kiss to her lips. “You just need another drink. I’ll ask Derek to grab us something, then we can dance, okay baby?” She promises with a reassuring smile before leaning in and pressing another kiss to her lips, giving her arm a gentle squeeze before she set off to find your brother.

Ellie let’s put an annoyed groan, tattooed hands running down her face as she watches Hazel completely disregard what she was saying, more so interested in following whatever narrative she had instead.

Why the fuck did Ellie ever like that girl to begin with.

Ellie tries her hardest to find you all night, but for some reason looking for you in that club was like trying to find a needle in the biggest haystack ever. Between Hazel clinging to her like a fly on a trap, to her friend group trying their best to catch her up on what she’d missed the last few outings they’d been on, Ellie felt like she was being pulled in ten different directions when all she wanted was a moment alone with you.

Ellie sees a fleeting moment when Hazel excuses herself to go to the bathroom and most of her friends have either found their way on the dance floor, or to the bar. Unfortunately for her, she’s already pretty tipsy at that point. Between her friends and Hazel, everyone wanted to show how much they’d missed her by showering her in alcohol.

Who knows, maybe the liquor is what she needed to finally face you.

She stumbles out of the booth you’d all been sat at, sighing softly as she made her way through the sea of people in search of you. She starts by looking for at the bar, then near the bathroom line. When she finds you’re neither there nor here, she inhales deeply as she makes her way to the dance floor.

Ellie wonder how it had been so hard to find you earlier, chalking it up to you most likely hiding from her, because as soon as she makes her way onto the dance floor, it’s almost like there’s a spotlight on you.

Your shirt dances in the multi-colored nights of the club, making you look almost magical. Your body moves like water to the music, hair swaying against your back as you put your hands up into the air and sway your hips without a single care in the world.

Ellie’s mouth goes dry at the sight of you, her drunk brain wishing for nothing more than to be able to call someone as beautiful as you, hers.

She licks her lips, walking into your direction. Her arms reach out for you, her hand coming down to rest against your waist as she leans in to talk into your ear over the loud music.

“Hey…can we um…can talk?” She shouts, giving your waist a gentle squeeze as if to give you a silent attempt at getting you to come with her.

You furrow your brows when you feel someone approach you, already exhausted from fighting off countless idiots that tried to dance with you. You just wanted to be alone and enjoy the music as if no one was watching. The drinks were good, the music was even better, and after how this summer had been going? Some alone time would do you good.

But Ellie clearly had other plans.

You want to ignore her, you want to put her in her place like you did in your bedroom that night. She deserves it, you know she deserves it, she knows she deserves it, and it’s about time you stand up for yourself within this fucked up situation you’d found yourself in with Ellie.

But that look in her pretty green eyes is so damn pitiful, you aren’t sure you can deny her anymore. After all, there’s still that little piece of you that’s so damn weak for Ellie.

You let out a gentle sigh, turning to look into the girls eyes before you give her a nod, knowing that denying her will only make her fight harder. You nod your head towards one of the stairs of the club, leading her up them.

Soon you two reach the rooftop patio of the club. The vibe is a bit less stuffy, and you spot an empty sofa near a corner where you think is a good spot for you two to speak.

You let out a gentle sigh as you sit down, patting the spot next to you for the girl to sit down.

The rooftop faces the beach, the cool sea breeze wafting against your warm skin. It’s a nice contrast from the hot, sticky club. If it wasn’t for the awkward circumstances, you think it would be a sweet place to bring Ellie up to.

You’re the first to speak despite Ellie asking to talk to you, a soft hum leaving your lips before the words leave your mouth. “Didn’t know you were still with Hazel….s’bit hypocritical of you, don’t you think?” You mumble out softly, your leg crossing over your knee as you wrap your arms around your own arms, staring out at the crashing waves before you.

Ellie blinks a few times at your words, the girl still a bit dumbfounded that she somehow got you out here to even speak to her in the first place. She doesn’t at all expect you to speak first, but your words make her frown gently.

“We aren’t together…we never were” she mumbles out softly, ignoring your other words as she lets out a gentle sigh.

“I don’t know how many times you want me to say sorry…I know I was wrong, okay? If I could take it back, I would” she sighs out, her back slumping into the couch as she spreads her jean clad legs, hands running down her face as she lets out an irritated sigh.

You scoff gently before you finally look over at her. “Even if I do forgive you Ellie, what do you want from me? Am I supposed to believe that after years of making my life hell, you suddenly give a fuck about me? Can’t you see how this is a little hard to believe?” You explain gently, your anger clearly having subsided since the last time you both spoke about this.

You sigh softly before you turn away from her, speaking once more. “You just want me because you can’t have me. You’ll get over this the second the summers over” you say to her, sounding almost as if you were trying to convince yourself more than you were her.

Ellie perks up at this, staring at the side of your face as you refuse to look at her. “You can’t be serious” she deadpans, the girl sitting up and resting her elbows on her knees as she cranes her neck down to look at you.

“I don’t get it either, okay? You’ve always been this…thing in my life that was so out of touch. I never even thought to think of you that way no matter how fucking irresistible you are. I knew crossing that line wouldn’t get me anywhere good but…fuck I didn’t think it would be this bad” she explains, her own eyes scanning out onto the rolling seas out on the horizon, giving herself a moment to think over her words.

She licks her lips for a moment before she sighs, finally looking back at you.

“What I do know, is that…I can’t get enough of you. And I’m willing to do whatever I can to prove that to you” She practically begs, her words filled with a sense of something you aren’t sure you’ve ever heard from Ellie before. It’s something mixed with desperation, pleading, honesty….

Longing

It makes your stomach turn and your chest burn with something for her you’d been ignoring the entire summer, your entire life even. You inhale deeply as you finally state into her green eyes that are staring desperately into yours, your tongue darting out to lick your lips before you finally speak. “Anything?” You question, your voice above a whisper as the word leave your mouth carefully.

It all happens in a blur, one moment Ellie is nodding eagerly at your question, the next, your dragging her out of the club, slipping past the mountain of sweaty people and quickly catching a cab, and the next thing Ellie knows…

She’s being dragged up to your bedroom.

Ellie feels like her head is spinning when you press your body against hers, soft mouth molding against hers as your hands wrap loosely around her neck. You taste of cherry lipgloss and mint, your soft tongue rubbing against Ellie’s makes her heart swell because she wasn’t sure she’d ever get the privilege of feeling you this way again.

Her hands roam your body, fingers sliding into the belt loops of your shorts as she pulls you flush against her body, needing desperately to feel you against her in every way possible.

You sigh against her, turning the both of you around as you begin leading her back towards your bed. She feels your palms press against her chest, forcing her back so she’s now sitting on your bed.

The sight of you above her makes her head swing, it makes Ellie tug her bottom lip between her teeth as her hands slide around the backs of your knees, pulling you closer as she spreads her legs for you to stand between them. “Missed you so much baby….more than you know…” she sighs out, eyes never leaving yours as one of her hands slides against your top, pushing it up as she presses her lips against your hips, leaving the lightest kisses.

Your breath hitches in your throat as you watch her. Her stare is intense, the look in her eyes telling you everything that you ever needed to know without a single word.

She was yours for the taking.

You inhale deeply as your hand comes down to Ellie’s hair, running your fingers through the silky strands for a moment before you tuck a strand behind her ear gently, tilting your head to the side as you watch her nip and suck at your skin.

“Such a pretty girl….” You hum out softly, your words making Ellie’s eyes flutter shut as they earn a gentle squeeze to your hips, her tongue swirling against your skin as her teeth come down to tug at the waistband of your jean shorts.

“But you need to be taught a lesson, Ellie….” You finish, words trailing off as they hang in the air. They excite Ellie, despite not knowing the extent of them. The fact that you have her here alone is enough for her, and she’ll do whatever the hell you want her to, to keep this going.

“Do whatever you want to me…I told you…I’ll do anything for you” she sighs out almost obediently, needy hands gripping your hips tighter just to keep you close.

Your hand goes from gently stroking her hair to taking a fistful of it, tugging it back to pull her away from your skin, forcing her to look up at you. It earns a needy whine from the girl, pink tongue darting out to lick her lips as she stares up at you almost in awe, watching as you handled her with a sense of wonder in her eyes.

“Good….because I don’t plan on being nice…” you sigh out softly, letting go of her hair roughly before you leave her for a moment, walking off to your drawer to grab something. “Lord knows you weren’t….” You mumble out softly, more so to yourself than to the girl.

Ellie hears it though, and it makes her wince with how badly she’d been treating you.

You come back soon enough, not giving Ellie enough time to dwell on things, on you. She doesn’t see anything in your hands at first, only that you’d slipped something into your back pocket. She can’t focus on that much, not when you’re straddling her lip and settling down on her. It makes her sigh with content, the girl eagerly pressing her lips back to yours now that you’re back with her.

She lets her tongue play with yours, the kiss is messy and needy and Ellie’s hands roam your body like it’s the last time she’ll ever have you, the girl desperately wanting to imprint this very feeling in her brain so she’d never have to go without it. She feels herself growing wetter and wetter by the second, panties clinging to her core as she feels too grinding against her lap, kissing her so sweetly, playing with her so nicely, she felt she could cum from it all alone.

Soon you’re pushing her back into your bed, forcing her to lay down against your pillows. The smell of your floral shampoo makes her head spin, it feels like she’s died and gone to heaven at this point. You’re on top of her, and she’s in your bed in your room and she isn’t sure she’s ever been happier to be in a girls bed.

Your hands come down, tugging at her t shirt before you pull her up a bit, pulling it off her body and tossing it somewhere in your bedroom, leaving her top half completely bare. She doesn’t care, she’d have you undress her any day. Your hands come down again, grabbing either one of hers that are rested firmly on your hips. You remove them, taking them both and holding them above her head, your hand keeping them bonded by her wrist. She doesn’t pay much mind to it, simply enjoying the feeling of your lips against hers.

Soon she’s getting antsy, and she groans as she fights against your grip. “Lemme touch you baby…need to feel you…” she groans against your mouth before she’s pushing her tongue back against yours. She feels you smirk against her lips before you sigh, one of your hands leaving her wrist for a moment, going to your back pocket and pulling something out. It’s dim in your room, the only lighting coming from the small lamp on your bedside table, so she can’t see much. All she does know, is soon she feels a soft, silky material running along her wrist that makes her shiver. She feels you tying something around her wrist, firmly creating a knot so she’s unable to move them even more so than when your hands were holding them.

She watches as you finally pull away from her, staring up at you as you straddle her waist. The look of confusion on her face makes you giggle, your hand coming down to gently trace the frown in her brows with a soft hum. “I told you, you needed to learn your lesson, Ellie….girls who treat other girls like you, don’t get things so easily…” you explain, your lips coming down to latch onto Ellie’s nipple, tongue swirling around the little bud and making the girl moan loudly as she arches her back, forcing more of her into your mouth.

You bite down onto it gently, making her whine softly before you let go of it with a pop, humming softly as your thumb comes down to flick her wet nipple from side to side for a moment before you move onto the other, giving it the same attention as the first.

“You think you can just come and go as you please…playing with me when it’s convenient for you…but that’s not how this works” you hum softly, every other word interrupted by a kiss as you make your way down Ellie’s body. She’s a moaning mess, wiggling and bucking her hips into you as she shakes her head eagerly. “That’s…that’s not it at all! I promise…fuck…I like you…I like you so much baby, you’re not like those other girls. I fucked up so bad with you, and I’m sorry” she pleads with you.

She’s only met with a soft hum as you undo her jeans, tugging them off and tossing them somewhere else in your room, sighing softly when you spot the damn spot on her panties. You’re settled between her legs now, thumb drawing small circles into her inner thighs as your other hand gently tugs her panties to the side.

“I know baby…I can’t give into you easily regardless though…you understand, don’t you?” You asked gently, watching her for a moment before you turn your attention back to her sopping wet cunt.

“Jesus Ellie…you’re so wet baby…this all for me?” You ask her gently, your finger coming down to gently rub her angry clit. This makes her moan loudly, the girls head tossing back as her hips grind into your touch, eager for more of what you’re giving her.

“Fuck…yeah…s’all for you baby…no one else” she breaths out, staring down at you with needy eyes as her hands tug at the restraints you have her tied up by.

You hum softly, nodding slowly as your fingers rub slow circles into her clit before you bring your face closer to where you knew she needed you most. “Poor thing…why don’t I help you out a bit, hm?” You question, spreading her legs further as you stare at her for a moment before you latch your lips onto her clit, sucking harshly.

The moan that rips through her chest is pornographic, the girls back arching almost painfully as she melts into the feeling for your tongue working on her clit.

“Fuck…that’s it…fuck don’t stop baby…doing so well for me” it’s almost comical how her dominating words make your stomach coil despite the clear power dynamic that you’ve set up between the two of you. You moan softly into her sopping wet cunt, tongue lapping up her juices as your hands squeeze her thighs, keeping them apart for you.

“Look so fuckin’ pretty down there baby…you don’t know how often I…fuck…think about you like this” she admitted with a whine, staring down at you as her hips rolled against you, the girl practically riding your face as you took whatever she gave you.

But that wouldn’t do, would it?

Ellie’s moans grew louder, her rhythm getting sloppy as she tugged at her restraints. She was babbling incoherently and you knew for a fact she was getting close.

“Come on baby…take it…fuckin’ take it” she whined, brows furrowing as she stared down at you, eyes never leaving the sight in front of her as she bit down on her bottom lip so hard she was sure to draw blood.

It was almost painful for you to break away from her, wanting desperately to make her cum on your tongue, but you knew you couldn’t give in so easily, not yet at least.

Ellie let’s put a pathetic whine when you pull away when she’s right at the cusp of falling over into the pool of her orgasm, hips bucking into nothing as she hides her face in her arm. “Fuck…why’d you stop I was…mm…I was so close” she whined as her hips rolled with need against the air, the poor thing searching for anything to give her the release she so desperately needed.

You hummed softly as you crawled up her body, finally giving Ellie the chance to see that you were still fully clothed and she was completely bare before you. She moaned softly when your legs came down to straddle her naked body, the girl staring up at you with needy eyes as you gave her a smirk, hair framing your face as you ran your fingers along her nipples before giving them a gentle pinch, earning a needy whine from the girl.

“You didn’t seriously think I’d give it to you that easily, did you?” You giggle softly before you hum, leaning down and catching Ellie’s lips in a messy kiss. She moans loudly against you as she tastes herself, her pussy fluttering around nothing as she welcomes your lips willingly.

She whines when you break the kiss, chasing your mouth which she fails miserably at due to the restraints.

“You’re a smart girl Ellie…use that big brain of yours” you hum out softly, your words only earning a whine from the girl beneath you.

You hum softly, leaning down and giving her one more kiss before you crawl off of her body. Ellie’s eyes never leave yours, watching as you slowly tug your tank top up and over your head, leaving your top half bare. You then work on your denim shorts, tugging them off with your panties and licking them to the side, leaving you bare just like Ellie.

She’s staring at you like a woman starved, eyes eating up every inch of your body as she licks and bites at her lips.

God she wish she could touch you.

“Untie me baby, lemme touch you…I’ll make you feel so good” she begs, tugging at the ribbon wrapped around her wrists as she watches you return to the bed, straddling her body. She has to bite back a moan at the feeling of your soft, naked body settling on top of hers. The feeling of your skin against hers alone is enough to make her cum.

“You hum softly as you shake your head, scooting back for a moment before you take Ellie’s right leg, tugging it up for a moment. You take the opportunity to settle your pussy right on top of here, letting her leg rest against your shoulder. You smirk softly as you reach down to rub her clit, hissing softly at how wet she still was.

“Stayed so wet for me baby…I know you’ll enjoy this” you tease the girl, disregarding her pleas of being cut from her restraints as you spread her lips, giving you the opportunity to press your clit right up against hers.

The feeling has Ellie’s words getting caught in her throat, because she’s no longer focused on g being cut loose. Now all she can think about is the feeling of your cunt sliding against hers.

“Fuck….feels so good baby…so fucking good” she whines out, eyes rolling back into her head as she watches the way your hips skillfully work against hers.

You moan with her, plump lips pressing along her calf as your own eyes flutter shut. You’re able to stop the act for a moment, simply enjoying the pleasure you got from riding Ellie’s pussy. One of your hands came down to pinch her nipple, which earns a loud, pathetic moan from Ellie.

“You’re so pretty when you’re not a bitch…prettiest girl ever” you moan softly, hips rolling against hers as you drive both of you closer to your orgasm.

Ellie nods eagerly at your words, accepting the compliment and the insult all in one. “M’so sorry baby…I’ll never do it again…I’ll treat you so good if you’ll let me..I fucking promise” she moans loudly, her own hips rolling to match your rhythm.

Her words make you moan loudly, because she’s practically begging for it, begging for you to give her a chance.

You weren’t sure you’d ever hear such words from Ellie.

“You get so stupid when you wanna cum…don’t you baby? Promising things you don’t mean” you whine out as you grip her thigh firmly, picking up the pace as you chase your orgasms.

Ellie shakes her head wildly, shaking her head as her green eyes go wide. “I’m not lying! I…fuck….baby I…I think I…” her words get chopped up by her moans. The pleasure is too much, and she feels tears prickling at her eyes as the feeling grows closer and closer. It’s overwhelming and Ellie is sure she’s never cried while getting fucked but she…she can’t handle this…it’s all…you’re too.

“I…fuck I love you!” She practically screams out as she cums hard against your pussy, her body shaking beneath you as she lets go completely.

You gasp loudly at her words, your own eyes going wide for a moment before it all slips away from you, your orgasm taking over as it forces your eyes to roll back in your head, your neck falling back as you ride your orgasm out against her, practically using the girl beneath you as you slowly grind against her to finish things out for the both of you.

You’re both breathing hard, the girl beneath you an absolute wreck. Ellie’s cheeks are flushed, her body covered in a thin layer of sweat as she stares up at you with hazy eyes, chest rising and falling as you both sit there in silence.

You struggle to catch your breath for a moment before you reach forward, a gentle whine leaving Ellie’s lips as your clit brushes against her sensitive one. You undo the knot on her wrists, finally giving her the opportunity to be free before you crawl off of her body, moving to lay down next to her.

The magnitude of what was said, what was done, fills the air of your room. It’s thick, and it almost makes it hard to breath as you both lay there for a moment. Ellie lays there with you, staring into your eyes as she cuddles into your pillow. You expected her to leave as she always does, this was your get back, and you were slowly accepting this being the end of it all once it was over.

But she never left.

“I meant it, you know” she finally breaks the silence, reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. She licks her pink lips before she sighs softly.

“I know it’s fucking weird…and out of nowhere…but I think it’s sort of…always been there” she explains further, hating the lack of a response that comes from you as she pours her heart out once again.

Good things in life never came easy, and you were as good as they fucking came. Ellie should’ve known things couldn’t be handed to her so easily when it came to you

“I get it…if you don’t want to take things further with me. It’s weird how I’ve gone about things, and I don’t blame you for not wanting me-“ she doesn’t expect to be cut off by the feeling of your soft lips. If she was being completely honest, she didn’t think she’d ever feel your lips against after tonight.

Yet here you were, kissing her.

She doesn’t take long to return it, her tattooed hand coming down and tugging your waist closer so your body is pressed against hers. Her hand comes down to tug at your thigh, pulling it over your body to keep you even closer.

“It’ll be weird…but not being with you is gonna be even weirder” you explain with a soft sigh before you finally pull away, staring at her with your brows furrows gently.

“You’re gonna do everything you can to make it up to me though…for being so mean” you tease her, and Ellie is nodding eagerly at that. “Whatever you want. Seriously” she urges. Her eagerness makes you giggle.

You sigh out softly as you tug your plush blankets over your bodies, pulling the girl down and pressing her face against your chest. She lets out a sigh of relief at the gesture, her entire body relaxing more than it has probably the entire summer.

All of this just felt so…right.

Ellie feels herself drifting off to sleep, eyes growing heavier and heavier with each passing second.

“Ellie?” Your voice is soft and quiet, tugging the girl between sleep and wake as she gives a small hum of response.

“I love you too…” you whisper softly, barely loud enough for hear, but she does regardless.

It’s when she hears that, that Ellie knows despite all the bullshit she’d caused….

It was all worth it

[regulus-lantsov]

⁺｡˚⋆˙Kardashian who ? | OP81⁺｡˚⋆˙

pairing: Oscar Piastri x actress!user ( she her ),

genre: social media au,

warnings: Cursing, pr nightmare, kardashian slender

summary: in which the Kardashians are in their downfall era and yn is ready to be the one who burried them

fc: Zendaya

instagram ->

liked by oscarpiastri, kimkardashian, taylorswift and others

yourusername : Met Gala and miami gpppp !

tagged : oscarpiastri, landonorris

landonorris : You are my lucky charm, yn

yourusername : Fuck, I'm dating the wrong driver 😭 I should have dated the race winner oscarpiastri : Babe 🥺 yourusername : KOALA

kimkardashian : Beautiful ! I wish I could be at the Met

user55 : Yn didn't even liked Kim's comment

user6 : Yn is the first one praying for their downfall and I'm here for this

oscarpiastri : Three pictures of me ? Wow babe

yourusername : It was just to hide my secret relationship wiht Lando oscarpiastri : Can he ask your number in japanese ?? yorusername : NEVERMIND BYE LANDO THIS IS HOT

lewishamilton : 🤩🤩

yourusername : You outfit was incredible ! Please teach me your secrets

oscarpiastri

liked by yourusername, landonorris, charles_leclerc and more

oscarpiastri : race duuump ( go watch Challengers, my girlfriend is in it )

tagged : yourusername

yourusername : AHA LAME

oscarpiastri : Babe 🥺 yourusername : Fuck you still got me with that.

yourusername : Whose facebook mom is this ???

yourusername : FUCK THIS IS MY FACEBOOK MOM

landonorris : Cold, As and Fuck !

charles_leclerc : Son !

user57 : How did he pull her ?

user69 : Oscar is sooo peaceful. My boyfriend would have been jealous if I kissed two men. Even in a movie

oscarpiastri : I'm just proud of my babe 🥺 yourusername : Stop being sweet !!! oscarpiastri : 🥺🥺 user67 : couple goals

twitter ->

Instagram ->

kimkardashian

liked by hayleybieber, dailymail, krisjenner and others

kimkardashian We are the Kardashians

tagged : All the Kardashians and Jenner

user56 : This is so petty 😭 Ma'am you are just mad THE Yn is ignoring you.

user78 : Posting in the Marylin's dress that she ruined 😭😭 Ma'am !

kourtneykardashian : We are the Kardashians

krisjenner : Can you keep us with us ?

oscarpiastri and yourusername

liked by landonorris, charles_leclerc, pierregasly and others

yourusername and oscarpiastri We are the Piastri family and no one needs a show to know us. And without implants

tagged : landonorris, oscarpiastri, yourusername

landonorris : Am I the son or the third husband ?

georgerussell : the dog yourusername : SON ! oscarpiastri : Stop adopting everyone YN yourusername : I just adopted, Lando, Ollie, Kimi, Doriane, Yuki, Pierre and ... oh yeah kimiantonelli : Mother ? yourusername : SON

oscarpiastri : my fiancee is gorgeous

user56 : FIANCEE ??

charles_leclerc : *Piastri-Leclerc

user67 : They said 'let's be the downfall of the Kardashians'

user5 : And we are all here for it

user78 : She's so pretty my god

Twitter ->

END

Take care of your yourself and request are still opened ! And pretty please, tell me how upgrade it

Byye

[littleindulgences]

Your day was going pretty good for once, all things considered—you woke up feeling rested, it was your day off, you even finally managed to finish the errands you were forced to put off all week!

…Then you get home. Your fridge is dead.

Of course it is.

You stand in front of the open door with one hand on your hip, the other on your chin, contemplating when the fuck, how the fuck, this could have happened. Your fresh groceries sit on the counter behind you, stuff you just went out to get because you assumed your fridge would still be operational when you returned. It’s your fault, really, for putting the bar so high.

Finally, after a whole three minutes of bemoaning your luck, you resolve to pull out the old cooler you shoved into your closet and put everything that would turn into a food poisoning nightmare on ice. Once you get everything put away, and the puddles of water mopped up, you put in a maintenance order and pray the landlord actually sends someone this time.

You leave the cooler in the corner, crack open a bottle of wine, and mourn the loss of your good day.

A couple days pass and you forget all about the work order. You figured out the next morning that the fridge wasn’t dead after all, it just got unplugged…somehow. Just added fuel to your “the building is haunted” fire. You simply plugged the fridge back in and went about your life, no biggie.

It was a big biggie.

You’re just out fetching the mail when it happens.

“Hello? Maintenance! Is anyone home?” The gruff, deep voice carries easily down the hall. You don’t register it at first, flicking through your mail, until the voice calls out again: “Hello? Maintenance, comin’ in!”

Wait. Maintenance.

The fucking fridge!

You dash down the hall, practically skidding to a stop in front of your apartment where two large—and you mean large, damn—men hover.

You avoid looking them directly in the eye as your pulse throbs in your throat, cheeks flushing in embarrassment. You’re sure the whole hall must’ve heard them, fuck.

“I’m so sorry!” you say, awkwardly pushing yourself between the biggest man and your doorway. “I’m sorry, there’s nothing actually wrong, I fixed it already! There was nothing wrong with the fridge, it just came unplugged.” You force a laugh, brushing a stray lock of hair behind your ear. You still don’t look at them.

“‘S alrigh’ ma’am, no problem at all,” says the man, and wow his voice is nice—

“It’s just, there wasn’t a way for me to cancel the work order,” you explain. “I’m so sorry you had to come all the way up here.”

Oh God, what if they try to come inside to double check? You’re cursing yourself for picking today to go out in your house clothes—short shorts and a tank that doesn’t completely cover your stomach—but the building was always so hot and you would’ve melted if you stayed in your work uniform—

“It’s okay, ma’am, really,” he’s saying again, “We’re glad there’s not an issue. You live on the second floor with no elevators, we didn’t want to bring a new fridge up anyway.” You giggle for real this time.

Then you risk glancing up at them.

Oh God…

They’re fucking beautiful. The man in front of you—his name tag reads John—is an absolute bear. Thick and broad, covered with hair, smiling gently at you like he really doesn’t blame you for your mix-up. And the guy behind him, you think his tag says Kyle, could be a supermodel: smooth, dark skin, a little leaner than John but still mouthwatering. The lopsided grin he’s giving you makes your heart race. The cap he wears makes him look almost boyish.

“Right,” you say, hoping you don’t sound as breathless as you feel. “Sorry again.”

Kyle absently licks his lips and you think you might pass out.

“Here. In case something else happens, you can reach me directly.” John hands you a crisp business card, lingering just slightly when your fingers brush his. They’re rough. Makes sense.

“Thanks,” you breathe. Kyle looks at you like he’s suppressing a laugh, then taps John on the shoulder, signaling him to leave.

“Take care, love.” John turns away from you with a wink, and you watch his arm flex as he hoists his toolbag and follows Kyle to the staircase. Kyle waves cheekily back at you before he descends.

Once you’re safely inside the apartment, you bury your face in your hands with a deep groan. And if you already begin brainstorming other things that might mysteriously break in the near future, well, that’s your business.

@beloveds-embrace ✨

[multimilfs]

Lilia Calderu x Fem!Reader: In Omnibus Aequitas

Summary: Agatha isn't the only witch with a force of nature trailing after her.

AO3

A/N: oh my god i can't explain how excited i am to post this! so much thought and careful crafting went into this!! actually begging someone to ask for the TED talk on my planning process for this because hooooo boy

this is my first time writing Lilia, so apologies if the characterization is shaky at all!

also to give credit where credit is due, the idea for this Reader was prompted by a post from the brilliant trickofthelights, whom i admire greatly. i'll attach the post here

Tag List: @emiliaisdead @kenzie-floops @nightmare-of-homophobes @thepotatoislost @mckiejames @women-are-so-ethereal @galaxydreamer468 @angeliccss @goldenautomaton @asolitaryrose3 @multifandomfix @ghostsunderstoodmysoul @escapetodreamworld

Warning(s): None

Shadows often linger in the periphery of Lilia’s vision; this she has grown to accept, on the basis that they are gone when she turns to face them. And she is glad of it each time. The twisted shapes and figures of the primordial horrors that linger are not made to be witnessed, even by her eyes.

So when a figure lingers, she turns with the expectation of seeing the silhouette vanish, but she’s not the only one who turns.

It strikes her as odd that Rio should see whatever she does. This thought occurs to her mid-ballad, fire licking at the back of her neck. When she looks, though, the figure does not vanish, but neither is it a horror to behold.

You are as beautiful as she remembers. The memory, coupled with your eyes on her, nearly trips her up. But Lilia holds strong through the rest of Lorna’s ballad—even as the burns on her shoulders ache, even as your eyes dart away and meet the curious gaze belonging to Rio, even, even as you watch her with that unerring devotion she had once craved.

When Alice tilts her head back, singing with the full force of her soul, Lilia’s eyes leave you. She watches the curse burn to ash above Alice.

You’re gone when Lilia glances back.

---

Sharon, human she may have been, was right about one thing—no witch can be expected to traverse the road without rest. So, the coven opts to take turns keeping watch around the little fire they’ve built.

Lilia volunteers for the first watch, restless, feeling the weight of eyes on her still. She should’ve known you wouldn’t stay away long.

Your entrance comes when the rest of the coven has fallen asleep; Jen and Alice on one side of the fire, propped up against the rock they sat upon, Agatha furthest from the fire, back to it, while Rio—if that is her true name—sleeps near enough to lay a hand on her waist. Teen, she assumes, remains in the makeshift bed they made for him.

She sees your shadow at the edge of the clearing, hesitant. Looking over her coven one last time, she stands, and walks to where you wait outside the light.

“What do you want?”

You reach out, a hand on either side of Lilia’s face. She doesn’t shake you off. Yet.

“You’re as beautiful as the day I left.” You murmur.

Lilia’s lip curls, “Are your brutal truths meant to be endearing?”

“No. They’re meant to be nothing more than what they are.”

Against all odds, Lilia has yet to throw off your hold. You run your thumb gently over the curve of her jaw. Everything in you wants to kiss her—has dreamt of it for over a century—but you know it won’t be welcome.

Her curls are frayed and wild around her face in an endearing picture. Mess suits her just as well as refinement; though that could be your bias talking.

“Why are you here?” Lilia asks.

“Because you’re here.” And because your job brought you here, but that’s less romantic.

She seems to sense the omission. Any warmth drains from her expression, her hands removing yours from her person. You miss the closeness immediately.

“A truth and a lie. Which will come next?”

“It wasn’t a lie. I could’ve been anywhere.”

“Then go there. But leave the coven out of this.”

“I have no choice, Lilia.”

Lilia scoffs, “You had a choice when you vanished for a century!”

You close your eyes against the reminder. Hurt flares through you. The ache from years of longing, feeling that veil between you exist so thin, yet being unable to reach through. You hadn’t even been allowed a glimpse.

It was torment. A century should have been easy, but a life without Lilia felt like clawing your way through. If you tell her, will she believe you?

“Please.” You whisper. You’re not sure what you’re asking for.

“Goodnight.”

You hear her walk away, can’t stop yourself from blurting, despite the consequences, “Please, don’t put yourself in harm's way.”

Her jaw is tight, eyes wary. She looks you over as if something about you will give away what you know.

She crosses her arms over her chest. You recognize it as both a way to keep you out and support herself. You ache to be let back in.

“This whole Road is a death wish.”

“Don’t put yourself in more danger than normal.” You say, then, smaller, “I can’t protect you.”

“Are you asking for my sake or your own?”

“Whichever you’ll listen to.”

“Why ask at all?”

You step forward, hands outstretched to take hers, but you stop short, “Because I love you, Lilia.”

The admission makes her flinch. Her eyes water and she swallows hard. For a fleeting moment you see the startling vulnerability behind her eyes—the loneliness you should have quelled—before she locks it away.

“You can’t love.” Lilia sneers, “It would tip the scales too much.”

“That’s not true.” You defend.

“Oh? Then who, in this wretched universe, have you decided to hate?”

You bite your tongue. Lilia takes your silence for its own—incorrect—answer. Bitterness creeps into her smile.

“Goodnight.”

---

“Here to watch the big show?” Rio asks, lagging behind while the others move forward.

“Just doing my job.”

“Really? I’d say things were pretty square when you showed up.”

You eye her, despising her knowing smile, “Why are you here?”

“My job.”

“Hm. And how many bodies have you collected, again?”

Her smile is wide, but her eyes are cold. She’s always despised that the two of you are equals; that she can’t add you to her menagerie of bodies. Just the same, you’ve despised that you can’t write her name down.

Agatha looks back and tilts her head. You know she can’t see you. Like nothing has happened, Rio turns that grin on Agatha, skipping back to her side.

You catch Lilia’s eyes on you and ignore the question in them.

---

Lilia watches. She follows you in her periphery, makes note of where you are at all times. Her eyes always dart to your hands. Every time she finds them empty, she relaxes.

She’s taken watch, again. You read the weariness in her posture.

Against your better judgment, you lay your hands on her shoulders. She doesn’t shrug them off.

“You need rest as much as they do, beloved.” You murmur.

She stiffens at the old endearment, “We’re splitting the time. I’ll manage.”

You run a hand through her hair. The curls are still loose, wild. You untangle a few of them. Squeezing her shoulder, you place a kiss to the top of her head, savoring the closeness.

For a moment, your hand quivers. You still it. Your punishment was endured with grace, you must endure the distance with the same.

“Sleep. I’ll watch over you.”

Lilia scoffs, “Right.”

The weight of her mistrust is like a knife in your chest. You do not endure the pain with grace; you flinch, tears springing unbidden to your eyes. Lilia’s eyes close in regret.

You wonder if your presence is more of a burden than blessing. Had you mistaken her intent all those years ago? Love is not an emotion that’d come to you naturally. Perhaps, in your learning, you misunderstood, and Lilia’s kind heart wouldn’t allow her to break your illusion.

She had loved you once, hadn’t she? You could swear she had.

“You have to know I won’t let anything happen to you.”

“Unless the greater universe calls for it.”

Her tone is honest, but sadness lingers within it. All you want is to see her face.

“If I thought it would do you any favors, I’d throw it all away.” You admit in a whisper.

Lilia turns, then. Her brows are furrowed as her eyes search your own, frantic, swimming with fear. In another time and place, you’d follow the statement with a smirk; but you cannot bring yourself to summon the facade now, not with her.

It isn’t a lie—your admission. If not for the overturning of the world without you, you’d forsake the job on your shoulders. You’d unmake yourself in a moment for her. For the younger witch who sang freely and lamented her gifts. For the wizened witch who eyes you with trepidation, mind rife with your betrayals and shortcomings.

“Where are your lies?” She asks.

“I tell them to myself, so you can have all my truths.”

Lilia smiles then, but it’s bittersweet. A warm hand settles on your cheek. You can’t help it—grace be damned—when you press yourself into the contact. They’re still there—the callouses you remember, rough against your flesh. She still smells of smoke.

There’s a rustling of fabric across the space. Alice shifts, sitting up and rubbing at her eyes. Lilia’s touch is gone from you. You settle next to her as she rests, not brave enough to lay another hand upon her.

---

You watch the knife fall as if time has slowed; absently, you think it might be, Time always did love her cruel jokes. It falls with Teen in the direct path. You feel the pen heavy in your hand, the paper near-weightless and yet the heaviest thing you’ve come to bear.

But then Lilia moves. The one moment you need time to slow for you, it’s returned to normal. Lilia shoves Teen out of the way and takes his place in the dagger’s path.

You fall to your knees, “No!”

Throwing your arms out, you aim a burst of magic for the dagger. Consequences be damned. Alice is faster, though, and moves Lilia from the dagger’s path before your magic can make contact.

Rio’s eyes are heavy on you. She can’t do anything—you didn’t technically break any rules, but the intent is damning enough.

“Now this is going to be fun.” Rio purrs.

You stare at the pen and blank paper you dropped in your haste to save Lilia. Your purpose. How close you’d come to unmaking yourself and yet… yet, a part of you is ambivalent to this. The larger part is freaking out, though.

Everyone’s eyes are on you. You flinch. They shouldn’t be able to see you.

Checking your mental list of active charms, you realize you’ve made an error; in your grief-induced act of heroism, you dropped every single charm on your person and directed the energy toward Lilia. The cat’s out of the bag, it would seem.

Lilia is the first to recover, moving out of Alice’s protective hold, “Do you ever think?”

You bristle, yet to stand from your kneeling position. It gives her an advantage over you this once.

“Well and often.” You defend.

“Well?” She questions, beautiful in her terror and rage, “You call that thinking well? You could’ve been killed!”

“You were in danger, Lilia.”

“And you’re not allowed to interfere.”

Ignoring all the eyes on the two of you, Lilia turns and storms through the exit that opened. You watch the road-conjured costume melt back into her normal visage as she gets further away.

It’s then that you recognize the silence.

All of them are staring at you save for Agatha, who eyes Rio with a mixture of trepidation and understanding. You stand as gracefully as you can manage. Smoothing down your clothes, you try to smile, but the action feels slippery on your features. How long has it been?

“What is it with you witches and beautiful mysteries?” Jen asks, “And where can I get one?”

You flush and fidget. The weight of their attention is so much less pleasant than your beloved’s.

Alice tilts her head, “Who are you?”

Holding out your hand, you speak your name. Rio laughs. You blush, remembering that mortal creatures don’t comprehend the original language, not like the two of you. Lilia once said it sounded like botched latin. The coven exchanges various looks of confusion.

“Lilia just calls me—”

“A pain.” Lilia’s voice cuts in, “A very severe, persistent pain. Are you all coming?”

You’re the first to follow, which prompts no shortage of grumbling. You find yourself grinning.

---

“Well, at least we have extra help on The Road.” Jen shrugs, later.

“She can’t help.” Lilia and Rio say in unison.

The two share a look. You can read the distaste in Lilia’s eyes. She doesn’t seem to think much of Rio, not that you do either—and you actually know her.

“Seemed pretty eager to help you, Lilia.”

“A foolish, misguided mistake on her part.”

You flinch at the statement, staring down at your hands. With the charms gone, you witness their true appearance; one completely dark, as if left to char in ember, the other so pale-white it is near translucent.

The beauty of a mortal body with a mortal heart is a range of emotion you’d have never felt before. Though lately, the gift feels more like a burden. Pain is your ever-present companion these days. Even when you look at your beloved, the love that overtakes you is laced with poison; with the reminder of what you had to do.

You can’t bring yourself to wish away the heart in your chest. But you do wish Lilia would be a bit more gentle with it. You’re hardly in the position to make requests, though.

“I can assist in small ways. Taking a watch at night, tending the fire.”

“No.” Lilia shuts you down. You freeze, “You are to do nothing but observe. Have I made myself clear?”

“Yes, beloved.”

You ignore the look between Alice and Jen.

---

The end of The Road is so near you can practically taste it. It tastes of rot and chaos, but you put that down as a symptom of your disposition. You watch Lilia and the rest of the coven relax, inhaling deeply.

A smile teases at Lilia’s lips.

“What do you smell?” You whisper.

The smile doesn’t vanish as you expect. Rather, it extends to her eyes as she regards you.

“Your perfume.”

You melt. Knees like jelly, you take her hand in your own, and press a kiss to the back of it, ignoring the eyes on the two of you. The Witches Road will give you what you most desire at the end. And before the last trial, it gives the traveler a taste of what their prize is. She can’t reach the end without knowing the truth.

“This body wasn’t mine, did you know that?” You ask. Her expression shifts as she grows a bit more tense in your hold. You hold tighter, “The witch before me had a little over a century left in her when I came. As payment, I had to serve out the rest of her years without the one thing that made it feel like living.”

The words are tumbling from you faster than you can comprehend them. You watch her face, hoping that what you’re stringing together makes enough sense for her to see. Even if it takes some other force whispering the facts into her ear for her to understand, you’ll just be happy that she knows.

Lilia’s the brightest witch you’ve ever known. She’ll figure out what you’re saying, but you just can’t stop; you need to say the words you’ve been dying to say for all these years.

“I never wanted to leave you, beloved.”

There’s no privacy on this cursed road, but you don’t care. If she asked it of you, you’d tell every soul you met how you love her. Lilia Calderu owns your heart, but even more than that, she owns your soul, and you have no desire to take it from her hands—even if she decides to rip it to pieces as repayment.

Let the coven know how you lived a century-long prison sentence to be with her. Let Rio and the greater powers know. You have no shame.

Lilia sneers, “You foolish woman.”

Her hands fist in the front of your shirt and pull your lips to hers. It’s messy; a clash of teeth and lips and noses, a poor imitation of the world-tipping kisses the two of you have found in one another. You’re both horribly out of practice. Never let it be said, however, that passion does not make up for tact. The near-quivering of Lilia’s grip and the force of intent behind her kiss makes up for any clumsiness.

The time on The Road has left her lips chapped, bitter with the remnants of lipstick, and never before have you known something so utterly perfect. You wrap your arms around her waist and pull her close enough that not a breath can exist between you. She sighs against your lips.

A curse of a mortal body is the functions that a higher being like yourself wouldn’t deem necessary; in this case, the need your lungs have for oxygen. Your heart is beating out of your chest and not from desire.

You pull back, panting, forehead resting against Lilia’s.

Breath successfully acquired, you tilt your head and press your lips to Lilia’s cheek, her temple, her forehead—anywhere you can reach, murmuring, reverent, “Lilia. My Lilia.”

“Darling.” She whispers with every kiss, voice hushed with devotion.

A lifetime apart seen to its end. Your fingers still itch with the pent up desire to hold her despite doing so. You were shameless before, but now… Gods help her.

Rio watches the entire display with shameless interest. Her eyebrows are high, a small, curious smile on her lips. Teen had been the first to turn away and busy himself with watching The Road. Somewhere mid-kiss, the remaining three found something more pressing to devote their attention to.

The lack of seeing, however, does not stop Jen from sighing, “When will it be my turn?”

Alice laughs at her side.

---

“Did you know all along?”

Lilia looks up at Agatha’s hushed question. She takes in the messy, haggard, but satisfied look of her fellow witch. She also catches the look Agatha throws your way. You sit across the clearing, Teen at your side, listening with rapt attention as you explain something about the moon.

“I had a suspicion when you mentioned my fortune.” Lilia admits.

A suspicion. A burgeoning hope she hadn’t let herself acknowledge.

“Oh?”

“What is fortune if not a lack of balance?” She shrugs, unable to look away from you, “To change it meant the end of my pain.”

“Enter, your solution.”

“Solution and problem.”

The two share a wry laugh. Lilia’s careful not to ask any pointed questions about Rio, though curiosity does eat away at her. Is anyone better suited to appreciate her experience?

Rio, while polarizing, is beautiful—and seems to have attached herself to Agatha in a way best suited to the witch. There is a beauty in it. Though she admits she’ll always prefer your well-meaning brutality over that which Agatha receives. To each their own.

“The Road seems to play favorites, giving you your prize early.” Agatha muses.

“Having her isn’t the prize,” Lilia corrects, “keeping her is.”

Agatha hums, eyes contemplative.

You’re aware of the eyes on you from across the clearing, but pay it little attention, instead devoting yourself fully to the question Teen has asked you. Gesturing with your hands, you weave similarities between the First Coven and their own. He watches you with a starstruck expression.

Something in your conversation prompts him to tilt his head. He fiddles with the little spellbook attached to his hip. Your musings come to a natural close and he speaks up.

“Can I ask—why Lilia? I mean, she’s great, but I guess I don’t understand.” Teen changes the subject.

You smile.

“Do you know the average person’s response to upsetting the state of the world?” You ask. Teen thinks, then shakes his head, “There isn’t one. It doesn’t matter what they’ve undone in the grand scheme, they’re painfully ignorant of what they’ve done. And what’s worse, most don’t care.”

It’s an old grievance you have with the greater universe. You recognize the necessity of it, but will never deny how it grates on you.

“Lilia… Lilia spent a large part of her life as a harbinger of tragedy. She’d travel through villages and upturn their worlds with a prediction.” You sigh, chest aching with the pain you know she suffered, “But when she did, she always sought to fix it. There were times she leveled the scales so completely that I didn’t have to do a thing. Few had ever considered me in such a way before.”

You look up from your fidgeting hands to Lilia. Her eyes are already on you. The warm, steady weight of her gaze makes you melt.

“And the others, well, none of them were her.”

Teen nods, “That’s sweet. I think.”

You chuckle. In a moment of fondness, you ruffle the curls on his head. He rolls his eyes but allows the contact; how do you tell a force of nature no?

---

You stare back down The Road with the coven. Though the return journey will be without any of the usual hassles, you curse the greater powers for not just providing an exit door. Your feet are killing you.

Lilia looks weary despite having rested. You rub a hand over her back, working out the knots you find with a skilled hand. She sighs.

“Where do we go from here?” She asks.

You raise a brow, “Back to the start of The Road.”

Lilia glares, though it lacks significant heat, “Us, darling.”

Ah.

“Wherever you lead, beloved.”

“That’s a lot of control.”

“Give me a century or so and I’ll start making decisions again.”

Her fingers lace through your own. Lilia stares down the length of The Road she has traversed and conquered, yet the greatest battle lies beyond. The world will never again be the same for her.

You raise her hand to your lips. You press gentle kisses to the knuckles.

“To the return of your glory.” You murmur.

Lilia looks at you for a long moment. Using your hold, she pulls you down, into a short but mind-numbing kiss. You hold tight and sigh, content.

She corrects, “To the return of balance.”

[godmadeaterribleerror]

Chapter 3 - The Same Way I Think of You

Mini-Series Masterlist

Tags: Dean Winchester/Female Reader, Sam Winchester/Reader (platonic), angst, fluff, mutual pining, lightest smut, Dean's got the Mark of Cain, uh oh.

Summary/Warnings: Dean tries to adjust the betterlust, and you get worried. Usual Warnings.

Author's Note: Sam you are God's strongest solider.

Title from Bang the Doldrums by Fall Out Boy

Word Count: 5.3k

Read on A03!

Chapter 2 - Chapter 4

It only took two days to find a pattern and routine that the betterlust liked.

Dean had started simple. Lock himself in the garage, blast music loud enough to drown out any other craving in his body—cravings to touch soft skin with scars he’d recognize anywhere, cravings for a voice that haunted his dreams and screamed in his nightmares—and slink back to his room in the dead of night, when She and Sam were already asleep. It was shockingly easy to avoid Her, and Dean owed it all to how much of a pathetic, lovesick fucking animal he was. He already knew Her whole schedule—when she woke up, when she ate, what she usually did all day, and when she went to bed—because he used to plan his own time around it. Not exactly, couldn’t have her catching on, but close enough to easily find himself in the kitchen right when she was eating, or get up an hour before her to put on coffee for them both, or accidentally wander into the war room when she was doing research.

Which means that, now, he had all the tools he needed to do the exact opposite. To never see Her pretty face, because if he did Dean was certain the betterlust would knock him to his knees. Dean could go to the bathroom when she was probably busy with something else, grab supplies when she was almost certainly asleep, sneak around the kitchen when he knew She’d wouldn’t be there, and never get close to putting Her in danger. He’d make himself waffles or burgers, or take a piece of pie from the fridge—She or Sam must be stocking it with the expensive shit, because the pie always tasted damn near homemade—then slink back to the garage and lock the door behind him.

He’d considered moving his mattress in here, or simply sleeping in Baby, but the betterlust had hated that. It had insisted on his bed. On the one bed Dean had ever been allowed to call his, and not a flea-ridden motel’s. The bed that got to be in his room. Dean’s room, and no one else’s. Not Sam’s, or his Dad’s, or another nameless body who passed through it in the night. Just Dean’s.

And maybe one other person’s, if She’d wanted that.

And She wouldn’t.

So it stayed just Dean’s, which was good enough for the betterlust, and he’d catch his mandatory three to four hours before running back to the garage at the crack of dawn.

He lived a whole week like this. Working on Baby, and eating pie, and sleeping. When the betterlust started to push cravings for affection to the surface, he’d shove them back down his throat and spine with an extra burger or quick drive.

He had a handle on this. He wasn’t all that happy, but Dean wasn’t supposed to be happy. He was content, and not all that angry at anyone but himself, so that had to count for something. He wasn’t being a problem, or a poison, and damn it, eventually the betterlust had to get the memo that the one thing it wanted most wasn’t on the menu, and that craving would fade. Dean would be able to go back to Her and Sam, and tell them he felt good.

Sam would give him look of doubt, and She’d have a pretty, worried frown on her face as she asked are you sure?

Feel pretty sure. Dean would throw her a wide grin, and gesture to himself like he was a prize for Her to win. He could be, but that wasn’t the point. Don’t I look it, Sweetheart?

Her eyes would widen in that adorable way that happened every time Dean tried to flirt with her. The way that would spark his heart into a higher gear and make his lips ache to be pressed against Her’s, all while reminding him that She was still too good for him, and still wasn’t comfortable with that part of Dean—because who would be when they’d seen the rest of him—so he couldn’t have Her.

Sam would look Dean over with a cautious gaze as he said are you sure, Dean? Because if this didn’t work, I can call Rowena-

I’m good, Sammy. Dean would wave him off, and end the argument right there with no bloodlust, only the betterlust.

She’d nod, on Dean’s side. It was always pretty awesome when She was on Dean’s side, because she’d give Sam a look that said push me on this and I’ll shave your head, and that would be it. She’d make a soft half-joking, half worried check in of on a scale of literal hell to watching Scooby-Do in the Dean cave with pie, how good are we talking?

He’d wink, and say solid kid in a candy shop, but I could get up to Scooby-Do and pie if I had company.

And he’d grab the pie and popcorn, and She’d start the TV, and Dean would have it all under control.

He didn’t have it right now, but he would. Right now he could indulge in the fantasy of Her body pressed up to his—in a very boring and platonic way—and Her arm reaching over his body to grab the popcorn. Dean could think about their legs accidentally tangling together, or Her falling asleep on his shoulder, or kissing her brow before carrying Her to their room-

Her room. Dean would have to carry Her to Her room. Not his, and definitely not theirs. And apparently he couldn’t even get lost in the daydream, because now his head was pounding and his skin was trying to crawl off his body to find Her and touch her.

He just needed to keep pushing, until the betterlust understood. Just Scooby-Do and pie—alone in the garage—would have to be enough.

It’s around noon, which means Sam’s probably doing something smart in the library, and She’s in the library annoying Sam. Dean misses watching this part of their normal routine, because Dean gets to see Her grin and laugh, and Sam always makes one of his bitch faces, but doesn’t shut Her up because they all know he’s secretly enjoying Her describing—in pointless depth—the plot of some random tv show. Either that, or Sam can always see what he calls Dean’s Puppy-love Face, and knows how quick it will turn into a scowl and grumble if he makes Her go away.

Dean knows it’s probably the second thing. His brother’s stupid matchmaker bullshit at its height, because after She leaves Dean always gets a pointed look and jerk of Sam’s head to go follow Her and confess, which will never happen.

But Dean also knows that Sam doesn’t bring his laptop into the library this time of the day, because he made that mistake once and She spent the whole time asking them questions to find out what type of movie they were.

She was an art film—which made sense to Dean, because She was interesting and beautiful and he didn’t really understand Her at all—and Dean was a low budget 70s sci-fi. He’d hated that answer, and told her to he needed to take it again. She’d said she liked that answer. She said Dean was resourceful, and did a truly amazing job with his limited options, and was always reliable. That she could watch low budget sci-fi over and over and never get sick of it.

Suddenly Dean had been pleased with his answer, and decided that the quiz had been absolutely correct. The quiz had said Sam was a vampire romance novel adaptation, so its accuracy was probably questionable, but it didn’t really matter, because She’d smiled at Dean in that moment. She’d smiled, then Sam had declared he’d never let her near his laptop again, so now that very same laptop was going to be in Sam’s room. And they were going to be in the library.

And Dean was going to watch Scooby-Do and eat pie, all by himself.

He doesn’t have to worry about going into the bunker from the garage, because they shouldn’t actually be there yet. Sam should be in the kitchen, making rabbit food for his nerd session, and She should be in her room doing… Whatever she did in Her room. Dean doesn’t allow himself to think about her room at all, ever, so now wasn’t the time to start. It would just spiral into questions of What does she have in her room? Are there small pieces of Her Dean would get to hold in his hands on her dresser? Does she keep Her clothing in her dresser, or scatter it across the floor? Would there be enough space for Dean’s clothing in her room? She never sleeps in the same position in a motel, because She thinks she needs to always be facing the door, so how does she sleep when she’s safe? On her stomach? On her back? Is Her bed soft? Do her pillows smell like cherries from that fruity girl shampoo she uses? Do her sheets smell like shea butter, because she uses that shit like it’s a religion? Would Dean be able to get Her sheets to smell like him? Would he be able to get Her whole room to smell like him? Be filled with him, fill Her with him-

Fuck. He needed to get his head in the game, because he’s frozen in the hallway, and she could walk out of Her room at any minute. It’s far enough away from Sam’s that she won’t hear Dean opening and closing the door, but that had been close. Too close. This was the exact goddamn reason Dean couldn’t trust himself around Her, because then his whole existence would devolve into those types of questions, and he’d never get a single thing done. Dean was barely functional around Her in the first place, and with the betterlust in the equation, he’d never have enough control to pull himself out of What was she doing in Her room? Was she getting changed? Was she naked, only five doors away? What did Her underwear look like? Dean had seen Her bras before, patching her up after a hunt, but he’d never seen her underwear. That was probably the right call from everyone, though, because Dean could not be trusted around Her underwear. Hell, he couldn’t stop thinking about if it was lacy, or red, and how wet it would get if he touched Her, but most importantly, was it made of a rip-able materiel-

“Dean.”

Dean felt like his skin was flying off his body as he turned, grabbing his gun and aiming it at whatever the hell was in Sam’s room-

“Dude, calm down, it’s me!” Sam’s hands were in the air, his face pale as he looked over Dean’s rigid stance. “Shit, you’re not, you’re still you, right-“

“Of course I’m still me.” Dean lowered his arms, and shot Sam a glare. “I’m not gonna just become a demon overnight, Sammy-“

“Sorry, I know, it’s just.” Sam let out a long breath, shaking his head. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Dean muttered, even though something vile was crawling around inside his gut. “Just reacted, didn’t mean to, uh.” He swallowed, and the crawling thing began to twist. “Do that.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Sam shrugged, shuffling out of the shadows at the edge of his room. “I should’ve probably known better. I mean, I’d do the same thing.”

Sam wouldn’t do the same thing. Sam would’ve recognized Dean’s voice immediately, because Sam wasn’t a creep who’d be thinking about their best friend’s underwear. But Dean let out a dry, empty chuckle anyway, and took a half step to the door.

“Cool. I’m just gonna, uh, waffles-“

Sam’s eyes narrowed, and the asshole moved to block Dean’s path to freedom. “It’s noon.”

“So? Last I checked, we’re adults. I can eat waffles whenever the hell I want-“

“But you don’t. You always eat waffles for breakfast.”

Dean waved him off, pushing down how the betterlust was suddenly pounding at his stomach for waffles. “Whatever, it’s not like you always, I dunno, stand in dark corners and sneak up on unsuspecting people-“

“This is my room.” Sam crossed his arms, and didn’t waver. “I can do whatever I want in here. Which brings me to the question, why are you in my room, Dean?”

“I,” Dean looked around the room, trying to keep his face neutral as he frantically searched for a good excuse. “Books.”

Sam raised his brows. “Books.”

“Yeah, I’m bored.” Dean held Sam’s skeptical glare, giving his most casual shrug. “Gonna pick up reading-“

“Dude.” Sam gave him a flat look. “That’s gotta be one of your worst lies ever. And we lie a lot.”

“Shut up, I could read a book-“

“Not when you’re currently under a curse that makes you only want to do things you like. You have your own books, Dean, if you wanted to read, you’d use them.”

“Fine.” Dean sighed. “I was looking for a pillow-“

“We have plenty of pillows that aren’t in my room. Try again.”

“I needed a chair-“

“No you-“ Sam cut himself off with a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Why are you being such a dick about this. We don’t see you for like, a week, and then I catch you sneaking around my room?” Sam said Her name, and Dean’s heart faltered in his chest. “She’s really worried about you, Dean, and I need to be able to tell her we talked and that you’re fine. But I can’t do that if you’re going to be so,” Sam gestured at Dean, shaking his head with another noise of exasperation. “Weird.”

Dean couldn’t speak. Sam was looking at him like he expected a response, but Dean couldn’t do anything but remain rooted in place, trying to fight the feeling in his chest and head—rotten and aching and rolling around in a sound of you’re fucking sick, Dean Winchester, you made Her worry about you while you were thinking about her bed and how she smells and her underwear—as the betterlust rioted inside his body. Trying to infect Dean’s last bit of will, override every smart and rational part of his brain that knew he wasn’t allowed to have Her, and force him down the hall. To Her room, to the kitchen, to the library, to wherever the hell She was so Dean could hold her and kiss Her and tell her to never worry about him, because now Dean was touching her, so everything felt good again.

It was intolerable. Every single nerve in Dean’s body felt like it was going to explode if he didn’t get close to Her, if he didn’t hear her voice or see her face. And this was just from the thought of Her, from Sam only saying Her name. Dean wasn’t sure how the hell he’d get through this, not when he really couldn’t have Her. He needed to get out of here, to lock himself away with every other thing that fed the betterlust until he got a dam grip over his own body and stopped feeling like death-

“Dean.” Sam was half shouting, his face drawn in worry as Dean forced himself back to focus. “What the hell is going on with you-“

“I can’t,” Dean raised his hand, shoving the betterlust deep, deep down into a locked chamber near his heart, and forcing careful, slow words onto his tongue with a long, slow breath. “I can’t tell you-“

“You’re freaking me out, man-“

“Because I don’t know!” Dean barked, running a hand over his face in an attempt to wipe off every bit of odd, stinging heat on his brow. “I mean, I do know, but I can’t explain it, Sam. The spell worked, but I don’t, maybe it worked too fucking well. I can’t, I don’t know how to get a goddamn grip over it-“

“You’re not supposed to have a grip over it,” Sam said, his voice suddenly gentle and still coated in stupid, pointless worry. “It’s still the Mark, Dean, it’s just refocused-“

“Well, it’s refocused on the wrong fucking thing! I want, I want something I’ve never even had, so I need your laptop to give it something I can give it-“

“Dean, whatever you need, I’m sure we can find it-“

“The laptop.” He snapped. “It’ll fix this.”

“That’s…” Sam paused, frowning. “That’s not what you want though, right? It’s not the, um, craving?” Sam said Her name, and something hot punched Dean in the gut. “I think she said we’re calling them cravings-“

“Yeah. She did. We talked about it.” Dean had to keep his words short, or he’d start vomiting out things he wasn’t allowed to say. “And what the betterlust wants, I can’t give it. No one can. So,” he nodded to Sam’s laptop, resting on his bed. “If you want to help, let me take your stupid laptop.”

Sam didn’t move, his frown only deepening. “I don’t think it’s a good idea to deny the, uh, the betterlust something it wants-“

“What the hell am I supposed to do about that? I told you, I can’t have it-“

Sam said Her name, and the betterlust clouded over Dean’s skull.

“Sam, I don’t know what the hell you think you’re saying-“

“It’s just us.” Sam sighed, moving to his bed. “You don’t have to lie.”

Dean fists clenched, something tightening around his throat as he watched Sam unplug his laptop. “Shut up-“

“Dean.” Sam gave him one of the most exhausted, flat, annoying looks Dean had ever seen on his brother’s face. “C’mon, man. Just, for five minutes, pretend we’re like, emotionally healthy and trust each other. It’s her.” Sam said Her name again, and he needed to stop fucking doing that or Dean might actually die, the words begging to fall out of his mouth like an exhale or vomit.

“Fuck I, I can’t control it, Sammy. And it’s dangerous. For myself, for,” he swallowed, muttering Her name. “And if you’re about to give me one of those lectures about feelings, I am not in the damn mood-“

Sam turned around, and pushed the laptop into Dean’s hands. “I’m not going to lecture you. You know what I think, and I know you’re going to be a stubborn idiot and not listen to me when I tell you that it really wouldn’t be that bad-“

“This is sure startin’ to sound like a lecture-“

“But,” Sam gave him a stern glare, and it was times like these Dean hated that the man was so fucking tall. “I don’t think now is the time to work on it. I’ll tell her you’re fine, you’ll get a handle on the betterlust, and we’ll figure this out, because that’s what we do. Just,” Sam kept his grip tight on his laptop, frowning down at Dean’s outstretched hands. “Don’t do anything gross with it.”

Dean rolled his eyes, yanking the laptop into his arms. “I’m not gonna be gross-“

“Uh huh.” Sam gave him a flat look, bracing his hands on his hips. “If I get that back only to find a bunch of porn-“

“Then you’ll thank me for showing you the only pair of boobs you’ll ever see- Hey!” Dean dodged Sam’s hand, reaching out to grab the laptop. “This was a gift, man, you don’t get to take it back-“

“It was not a gift, it was a loan. And I’m serious, I don’t want to have to wipe that thing because you downloaded a million hentai videos with viruses-“

“Don’t worry, Sammy.” Dean took a large step back, placing his hand on the door, pausing to make sure She wasn’t outside, and pushing it open. “Your computer is in safe, very chaste hands. I’m a downright angel. A saint, some would call me.”

“I cannot think of one person who would call you a saint, Dean- Dean-“

He’d taken off, half running down the hall to return to the safety of the garage, and Sam’s voice—calling after him—sounded more annoyed than angry. Like he knew he was fighting a war he’d already lost.

“No porn!”

—————————

Sam says Dean is fine. That they’d talked, no murder had happened, and Dean was weird but in a normal, Dean way. That the betterlust has done its job, and he’s not avoiding you, but just busy. That the betterlust has given him a wave of energy, so he’s using it to get things done.

But here’s the thing about living with the Winchesters. At first they’re unreadable—just two brooding, hot men who seem to speak in almost exclusively grunts and strange looks—but then you figure out how to pull one brick from the wall, and the whole thing comes toppling down. You know everything about them, and they don’t think you know everything about them, and everyone is happy pretending that they’re still mysterious and mythical to you.

They’re not.

They’re unbelievably predictable.

Dean has a routine of work he does on Baby—he’d explained the cycle to you once, and you hadn’t followed a word of it, but his hands kept moving and he looked so pretty and his voice was so deep, so who can blame you—and a seemingly chaotic daily agenda that took you about a week to figure out. It’s—even in the bunker—the pattern of someone who lives on the road. He does laundry at midnight because there will be less people, even though the only other options for people are you and Sam. He eats lunch around 11am, because that’s when diners start serving lunch. He goes to the bathroom early in the morning, because he’s getting ready for a long drive he doesn’t have to take.

And you could make the argument that you know Dean so well because of the whole being hopelessly in love with him thing, but Sam’s no better. If you know Dean like the back of your dominant hand, you know Sam like the back of your non-dominant one. You could pick Dean out of a crowd anywhere—because some very, very annoying part of your brain is always searching for him—but you wouldn’t need to pick Sam out of a crowd. You’d just have to cup your hands over your mouth, shout something stupid, and he’d appear behind you to tell I don’t think that’s true. You could follow Dean around like a puppy for the rest of your life, but Sam would be right at your side, bitching and moaning about you not just telling Dean how you feel.

You won’t. You’ll keep looking Dean in the eyes after he comes back from another hookup, laugh at his jokes, and pretend you’re not dying. Not being stabbed right through your chest when he smiles at you, because he’s bragging to Sam about things you want to experience but never want to hear about. Pretending your skin doesn’t grow warm and electric when he brushes his hand against yours on accident, that it doesn’t make your lungs swell with an overdose of air and your brain turn to an intoxicating hum of Dean.

And Sam will keep looking at you with raised brows and a pointed expression, and tell you that Dean will realize eventually so you should just get it over with now.

And you’ll keep glaring at him and remind Sam that he only knows because you explicitly told him. That, unless you tell Dean, he’s never going to have a clue because you’re a fantastic liar. Both the brothers seem to forget that, while they know you, they still don’t really know how to read you.

But you can read them. You know Dean’s every tone, and Sam’s every expression, and their every habit and quirk and pattern.

And Dean’s never busy.

And Sam is fucking lying to you.

You don’t know why he’s lying to you, because Dean’s welfare isn’t something Sam lies to you about. Sam lies to you about his own relationships, or his mental stability, or about doing the dishes, but he doesn’t lie to you about Dean. He’s never looked at your nose—which he only does when he lies—and said Dean's good.

He’s never used that too gruff, bland, painfully rehearsed tone that screams liar to you when he’s talking about Dean. He doesn’t know you’ll immediately figure out that he’s lying, but that just means the lie is more thought out. That he’s practiced the lie, and thinks you won’t catch on.

Sam’s lying about Dean, and you can’t tell him you know he’s lying, and you’re really, really worried. Because Sam says the betterlust is under control, but you haven’t seen Dean for a week. Sam says he’s working on Baby, but you’re pretty sure Dean’s cycle is at its slowest point. Sam says Dean’s just busy, but that man doesn’t get busy unless you’re on a hunt. He lounges around, bothers Sam with you, watches TV with you, eats dinner with you, drinks with you, and talks to you until you’re both a little buzzed and stupid.

But Dean’s not talking to you. You haven’t been in the same room as him since you got back to the bunker, and Sam suddenly seems intent on fucking keeping it that way.

“I,” you glance up at the door to the garage, holding your knees to your chest. “I think I’m just going to go talk to him. See if he needs anything-“

“No!” Sam half leaps to block your path, and you’re not even fully out of the chair. “I mean, uh, it’s okay. He’s fine. Don’t worry about him.”

“But-“

“Do you want to hang out? While I work?”

That makes you certain Sam is lying. Sam’s never exactly enthusiastic about your habit of bugging him while he works, even if he knows it’s just your excuse to either talk to Dean or talk about Dean.

If Sam’s an onlooker to you staring at and weakly flirting with Dean, it ends with him telling you to confess, you flipping him off, and Sam muttering that he wishes you guys would at least be dramatic in the kitchen instead.

If Sam’s a captive audience to you moaning about how much you love Dean, it ends with him making a sour face and telling you that you should make some friends who Dean isn’t related to.

And you always tell him that, if Sam wants you to fuck off, he should say that. And he never does, so you’re there every time, and Sam is mock annoyed every time.

Which is why he never asks you to hang out. You hang out no matter what, and you’re pretty sure Sam secretly prays for the day you forget to flop into the chair across from his, singing a pop song off-key until he rolls his eyes and indulges you.

Sam should not be already indulging you already. You hadn’t even started singing yet.

And that’s exactly why you sit back down. Whatever Sam is up to, whatever’s wrong with Dean, is serious enough for Sam to blatantly lie and throw himself in harm’s way—listening to you talk about Dean for two hours straight—to keep you from knowing.

But you don’t let it go. You pretend you’ve let it go, and Sam buys it, but for the rest of the day your mind is in the garage with Dean, trying to figure out what he needs. If the spell failed, and the bloodlust is back. If the spell worked, but too well, and now Dean doesn’t want to do anything but what he loves, which doesn’t include talking to you or, apparently, Sam. If Rowena taking your hair fucked it all up, and now Dean is trapped doing things he doesn’t love. If he’s in pain, or tired, or angry. And, most of all, why wouldn’t he want you to know. Dean tells you everything, and whatever it is, you’ve seen him do worse and still emerged from the other side in love with him.

Maybe he’d be more willing to listen if you tell him you love him. That he doesn’t trust you and it’s breaking your heart because you love him, and whatever it is, you want to help. You always want to help. Dean could be pushing his guts up his throat, and you’d still want to help. Because you love him.

He wouldn’t believe you. Half the reason you’ve never told Dean you love him is because you’re certain he won’t believe you, then tell you he doesn’t want your pity, then push you away. And you’d lose him forever, because you’d leave and he won’t love you enough to try and bring you back.

But you have to know what’s wrong. It’s eating at your intestines and ribs, because Sam and Dean are hiding something and they don’t trust you with it and Dean’s in pain and you can’t understand why.

You need to look Dean in the eyes and either hear him lie to you—just like Sam, but with a likely devastating impact on your organs and bones—so you know that he really, truly won’t tell you, or watch him decide that he can trust you with whatever’s hurting him and let you help.

It would be easy to do if the asshole wasn’t so obviously avoiding you. If you hadn’t heard him sneaking around the halls like he wasn’t supposed to be there, if he wasn’t suddenly never in your path throughout the day when he’d been previously a key factor of your every moment. He’s hiding, and you don’t have a single clue how to confront him when Sam is acting like going near the garage will give you Herpes.

You know Dean’s sleeping in his room—you can hear him snore through the walls, and when you grab his laundry the pile has grown—but you’re not brave enough to walk into his room and confront him. You don’t think you could live with yourself if he felt violated by that, and even if he didn’t there’s a pretty strong chance just the sight of a sleeping Dean Winchester would make you fall to your knees and forget how to speak.

You haven’t seen him in the Dean Cave once, which is incredibly disturbing, and takes ambushing him while he’s relaxed and two beers into a movie is off the table.

You could get him in the kitchen. You haven’t seen him eating—you haven’t seen him at all—but the pies you’ve been making for him can’t just be disappearing overnight. And there’s still a little too much coffee in the morning—just enough for you to pour into your mug and wonder if this is what Dean would taste like if you kissed him —but it’s colder, which means he’s making it earlier.

But he’s making it.

So if you can time it right, you can stake out the kitchen and get Dean to talk to you. Even if it doesn’t end up answering your questions, at least Dean will have talked to you.

Because that’s really what you’ve missed the most. Through the months without Dean, the time where Dean wasn’t really Dean, and all the bloodlust, you’ve really just missed him talking to you. In an easy, natural way that always made you fall in love with him a little more, and made you more certain in your choice to never, ever tell him. You won’t lose him.

But you seem to already have.

So, nothing bad can really come of chasing just a few more words from Dean.

End Note: The Eric Kripke curse got me, and I had to add another chapter. Dear fan fiction and writing gods, please let this end in five chapters. I've learned my lesson and will never try to estiamte the length of anything again. Amen.

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[fireya-x]

AO3 Link (full tag list) || masterlist

John Price x Reader

It's the middle of the night, and the phone is ringing. It's John, and something is wrong... but it's a different kind of urgency.

[2k+ words]

cw: phone sex

You jolted awake as your phone buzzed right next to your head. Dizzy and still hazy from sleep, you reached for it, revealing both the clock and the culprit who called you in the middle of the night.

3:54 am. And then your heart dropped. John.

All possible scenarios shot through your head. Had something happened to him? Did someone call from his phone to confirm your worst nightmare?

Your fingers trembled as you answered, bracing yourself for the worst.

“Sweetheart,” his voice rumbled through the phone, raspy with exhaustion, the sound of his breath making your stomach flutter. You could suddenly practically smell him – the lingering scent of cigars and that rough, masculine cologne you loved.

“Oh my god, John, I thought something had happened.” Relief washed over you.

“I know, I’m sorry it’s early where you are. Just a shit day. I needed to hear your voice.”

Your fingers tightened around the phone. “Where are you right now?”

“Can't tell you, love.”

You sighed and reached to turn on your night lamp. “Right.”

“It’s far.” He said it so quietly. 

“Feels like a million miles.”

"Yeah. But I can’t stop thinking about you. Tell me how it feels, being so far from me."

There they were, the commands that left him so easily, that control that made you so addicted to him. "I wish you were here." You whispered. “Are you ok, John?”

“No.” He answered, that rough edge to his voice making your stomach clench.

“Talk to me.”

“I am so fucking hard for you.”

You sighed. His words, so direct and raw, had you excited immediately. It didn’t matter that it was the middle of the night. Your body reacted to this man uncontrollably. The image of his hands moving on your body was already forming in your mind. You could practically feel it.

“Hmm. Does that mean it’s all for me?”

“It’s always for you. Just you.” You heard a groan, and it sent a shiver through you.

“Tell me what you’re doing.” You whispered, trying to hide the sudden excitement.

“Fisting my cock thinking, wishing , it was your sweet cunt fucking me.”

His voice was so rough, so needy. It was enough to make your body ache. “I wish I could see you,” you admitted.

“If you could, you wouldn’t just be seeing me, sweetheart, you’d be bouncing on this dick screaming your lungs out.”

"Sounds like a good time," you chuckled, even though it felt as if you could barely breathe.

“I will bloody devour you when I get back.”

“Is that a promise?” 

“Mmm.” He groaned. “It’s a guarantee.” The roughness in his voice was unbearable.

You chuckled lightly, and as if on autopilot, your hand had already begun to descend underneath your nightgown. 

“What are you wearing?” He asked with a deep, raspy rumble that set you on fire.

“Your favourite.” 

“The black satin lace top?”

“Yes.”

“Oh fuck. That one shows your nipples so perfectly underneath - ah, fuck. Sweetheart, pinch them for me.” You did. Your hand circled your right breast and with two fingers you slowly pinched a nipple between them, light at first, then a little harder. But your hand felt clumsy compared to his.

“Does that feel good?”

“Your hands do it better, John.” The thought of his hands on you was enough to make you want to cry out.

He chuckled. “I wish I could take those tits in my mouth. God, I miss your body.”

You whimpered at the thought of his hot, wet mouth licking and biting your nipples. It never failed to get you so close to that sweet edge when he did it while fucking you. You instinctively let your hand wander down towards your mound, but, as if he could read your mind, he interrupted you.

“Here’s the rule, love. You can’t touch yourself.”

Your hand stopped in its track. “Well, that’s not fair.“

“I didn’t say this would be fair. I need to fucking come, and you’re going to help me do that.” He hissed and you swore you could hear the slick movement of his hand on his cock through the speaker.

“What do you want me to do?”

“I want you to not be able to think straight when this is over. I’ve been thinking about fucking you this entire week.”

He was a force of nature through the phone, You could feel the intensity of his desire pulsed through you with every word, and you felt your body twitching as if he were right there.

“Just thinking about you makes me so fucking hard, love.” He groaned again. He knew exactly what to say to make you long for him.

“I’m thinking about shoving my cock between your lips, right into your mouth. Ungh. Then I’ll make you hold your legs up so I can fuck you deep and - fuckin’ hell.” He groaned. You could definitely hear his frantic hand movements.

“I wish I could be there and suck that fat cock of yours.” You whispered, pressing your thighs together for any sort of friction.

He moaned, loudly this time. “You’re driving me crazy.”

Your hand was wandering, but you obeyed. You felt the desperate need to give in. The ache in your clit was burning too much. The urge was getting so strong, but you were fighting to hold back, but every move you made only made you want it more.

“Run your fingers down your thigh,” he commanded. “Press a little, pinch it with your nails - imagine it’s me biting that sweet soft skin - fuck.”

You did as he said, and you could almost feel it, the touch of him, the light scrape of his beard against your thigh, the soft touch of his teeth biting you just next to your most sensitive area.

“Oh God,” you whispered, barely able to catch your breath, as your body tightened around the need, and your clit began to pulse, “I - I need -”

“Good girl,” he said, a deep, grinding groan escaping his lips, "Let me hear it. Fuck . You make me so hard.”

It was just like second nature to you to obey to him, to do as he told, to give your pleasure completely up to him even if he was thousands of miles away. That’s how strong his power over you was. And you loved it. But you were so close to breaking, to losing control. You needed to touch yourself. He was driving you mad.

The ache between your legs got almost unbearable. Your clit throbbed, your pussy clenched around nothing, the friction you were seeking was just not there. You wanted to scream. You wanted to move. You wanted to touch yourself. You needed to release.

 You didn’t realize that a frustrated sound left your lips before it was too late.

“What’s the matter, baby?” He asked gently, yet so full of need.

Baby . It was a word that he only ever used when he wanted to make you go wild for him, to make you lose control. He knew that too well.

“I -” you could barely force a whisper out. “Please, John, I need to touch myself.”

“No.” He shot back immediately, and you whimpered, your hips started moving, humping nothing, just desperately seeking anything to soothe the ache that he had caused.

“Please, for the love of -“

“I said no.” Your whole body was pulsating with need. And he knew. He knew you too well. “Stop moving around so much. You won’t come until I allow you to.” 

You could feel the power of his voice as if he was right there with you, it was like a gust of wind physically real against your skin. Your clit was pulsing to your frantic heartbeat, responding to him. You were close to tears, the need to just bloody touch yourself was too overwhelming.

He let out a long, raspy breath. He knew you were going to snap if he didn't let you touch yourself. “Alright. You’ve been so good. I need you to do something for me. Take that purple vibrator out of the night stand.”

You froze. “How do you know -"

A low, hearty chuckle followed, cutting you off. "I know you more than you think. Highest setting. On your clit, now.”

“What?”

“You heard me, sweetheart. Can’t see you, so I need to hear you, baby.”

Your clit was pulsating with so much anticipation, burning and swollen, almost too much. You felt like a dam about to burst. 

You obeyed, taking the vibrator, feeling its cool touch against your skin. The highest setting vibrated against your most sensitive spot, and a shock of intense pleasure coursed through your body.

You whimpered, a gasp escaping your lips as the vibrations sent shock waves of heat through you.

“Mmm, that’s it. Let it all out. Keep it on there. Come for me, love.”

You knew exactly what was coming. You had reached the peak. And you had his permission.

The pleasure that had been denied from you finally came crashing down.

And at that moment, you were lost in a violent, powerful wave of pleasure, every nerve ending tingling as you came for him. The feeling was so intense, so consuming, that your body felt like it was being torn apart.

And you knew he was feeling it too. “Oh, sweetheart.” He groaned, a rough and desperate sound. “I know you want me so badly.”

"Yes, John," you said, your voice trembling as you tried to catch your breath. "Oh God.” It was a long, deep, sigh. 

“I’m not done yet. I know you fuck that thing thinking about me," he continued, enjoying the moment, knowing the power he had over you. And there was no time for a break.

He’d hit a new level of intensity now, and the pleasure was searing, almost painful. If he could have seen you right then, your cheeks were burning crimson.

“Ain’t that so?” he purred. “Answer me, sweet thing.”

“Yes,” you breathed out, your voice trembling with lust.

“Yes, what?”

“I - I fuck myself, wishing it was you.” You confessed, barely able to get the words out.

“Then that's what you will do now. With me. Yeah?”

“Yeah,” you whispered, giving into the power of his voice. You wanted him. You needed him.

“Close your eyes, love.” You did, drawing the vibrator up to your most sensitive spot.

"I want you to slowly push it in and imagine it’s me.” It was a raw command that sent a thrill through your body.

“This doesn’t even compare to you, John.” You said it, meaning every word, the toy was just a cheap imitation of how he could make you feel.

He chuckled. “Use your imagination. Me, hovering over you, kissing from your throat, over your tits, shoving this rock hard cock into you - mmm.” You heard him stroking himself again. 

You started to fuck yourself with the vibrator, slowly at first, the image of him above you a welcome and addictive fantasy.

“Fucking you so deep that your eyes roll back, and you scream my name - fuck.”

“Oh, God. Fuck me, just like that.” You moaned. Your hands started moving a little faster.

The movement of his hand, the wet rhythmic sound of him fisting himself returned. “Yes, fuckin’ hell, love. Think about me, how much I want your body against mine.” 

You could tell he was holding, just a little, and you knew he was trying to wait for you, but it was hard for him.

You couldn’t breathe, the intensity too much. Your heart raced, it was as if every muscle of your body was quaking with pleasure.

“I want you to fuck yourself hard, like I would fuck you hard.”

His words were like a whip. You started moving faster, giving in to the power of his command. You felt that sweet urge, that need, that desperate pull toward the edge, and you knew you were about to break.

You moaned, a breathy sound. “Fuck, yes, oh my god!”

“Come for me,” he whispered, a rough sound escaping his lips. You could almost feel him there with you. His movements got faster as well, and his breaths quickened. "I want to hear it,“ he moaned into the phone. “I’m close - so fucking close.”

He groaned, making a sound that made you want to move faster, push him deeper inside of you.

He was thousands of miles away, yet you were completely at his mercy. It was this control that led you so perfectly into that release.

It was a beautiful pain.

You came again, a wild and desperate scream left your lips, your body shaking with the power of it. You whimpered and screamed his name, almost in pain, but it felt so good.

“Fuck. I can’t stop.” He moaned into the phone. “You’re making me come, baby.”

His breath hitched. He was a man of control, but he was losing himself to you as his release washed over him. The sound of his moan was raw. You could almost feel the intensity of it pulsing through the phone.

You loved hearing him absolutely lose himself, the groans and panting was such a raw sound that was stronger than any distance between you.

You wanted to stay there in that moment, but you could feel yourself already drifting back to reality. It was hard to remember that he was so far away. It was so easy to imagine him right there, his hands on you.

You heard him take a deep, calming breath, trying to catch his own. “Thanks, love. I needed that."

"Mhm," you mumbled, your voice thick with sleep. You were so tired. "I love you,” you whispered.

“I love you, too, sweetheart.” His voice was so soft. It made your heart ache.

“Do you have any plans for when I get home?” he asked. 

“Hmm.” You let out a soft laugh, “No.”

He chuckled, that rough sound that always made you feel like he could see right through you. "Come on, give me something to look forward to.”

“ I’m not enough? “

"That’s not what I meant, sweetheart.”

“Well, I’m imagining all the things I’m going to do to your cock -” You said it slowly. “I might have to punish you for leaving me for so long. You'll see how much I miss it.“

“Just miss my cock, not me?” You could hear him smile through the phone.

“I was just joking.”

He laughed. “Go get some sleep, love. Or I will keep you up the entire night.” The playful and needy undertone of his voice wasn’t lost on you.

You were so close to giving in, but it was so late.

“You’re a jerk,” you whispered.

“No, I am not. Go to sleep.”

“Goodnight John.”

[adverbally]

Give Me More Than Just Some Butterflies

Written for the @stmarchmm prompt “breeding” | wc: 2,057 | rated: E | cw: sexual content, references to intentional pregnancy and babies/pups | tags: Steddie, omega Steve, alpha Eddie, established relationship, bondmates mating cycles/in heat, intersex omegas, trying to conceive, breeding kink, knotting | title from “Juno” by Sabrina Carpenter

———

When Steve’s heat finally hits, he’s been anticipating it for so long that he’s not sure what to do.

For months, he and Eddie have been talking about trying to get pregnant. They’re bonded, they have a spare bedroom for a nursery, their loved ones are there to support them and spoil the hell out of their baby. Steve’s off his birth control. They’re ready. Really. All they need is one good heat.

But now Steve’s pacing the length of their bathroom before dawn, burning with fever but wracked with chills, pressing the heels of his hands into his aching eyes, feeling utterly terrified.

This isn’t just some abstract plan for the future anymore. Here and now, they’re taking responsibility for a living, breathing human being that they’re going to create together. It’s everything Steve has ever wanted. It’s his worst nightmare. His heart is racing with the need to have his alpha close, to be taken care of and knotted until he’s thoroughly pupped, but his hands won’t stop shaking and he thinks he might be sick.

Steve sits on the cold tile, the bathmat shoved aside so he can feel the comforting chill on his bare legs. The porcelain of the bathtub behind him has a similar effect along his back and shoulders. When he tilts his head back, the tub is the perfect height to rest his skull on the ledge next to their toiletries.

It has to be nerves, right? He still wants this so badly his hands twitch at the thought. A baby, their baby, with that powdery clean scent and Eddie’s big brown eyes, maybe Steve’s nose. A whole little person to watch over and teach and love until he takes his final breath. A family of their own. God, he can’t think of anything he wants more.

That soothes something in Steve’s gut, makes him feel like his chest isn’t about to collapse in on itself. Maybe what he thought was anxiety is really just excitement. Maybe it’s just a natural fear of change, even if the change is a good thing.

Steve gets to his feet. Enough freaking out. He splashes some cold water on his face, which doesn’t do much for the feverish pink spots high on his cheeks but makes him feel calmer. He’s gonna go back out there, call in his heat leave, and wake up his mate so they can make a baby.

Eddie promptly derails that plan by scaring the hell out of Steve, who wasn’t expecting him to be standing right outside the bathroom door.

“Sorry!” Eddie exclaims, his own eyes wide with surprise. “Just, you weren’t in bed when I woke up and your scent was—”

“My heat is starting.”

They blink at each other for a moment before Eddie breaks the stunned silence. “Oh my god,” he says softly, covering his mouth with both hands. Then he laughs and throws his arms out and shouts excitedly, “Oh my god!”

His enthusiasm is contagious. Steve smiles as Eddie pulls him into a clumsy kiss, their teeth clacking and noses bumping, hugging tightly enough to bruise.

“Really?” Eddie asks, pulling away to hold Steve’s face between his hands like he can tell whether he’s in heat just by looking at him. Actually, he probably can tell by the feverish flush across Steve’s cheeks and the warmth of his skin, but he still asks.

“Yes, really,” Steve confirms.

Eddie kisses him again, then he starts herding Steve toward the bed like he’s some kind of sheepdog. “Okay, you get comfy. I’ll call the school and tell them you’ll be out for the week.”

“Will you call Robin, too? She’ll get the word out so nobody worries if we don’t answer the phone.”

“Of course. Be back in a jiffy.”

Eddie practically runs out of the room and all Steve can think is: That man’s gonna be the father of my children.

It sends a wave of want through him. Eddie will be here in less than five minutes, then he’ll fuck Steve and put a baby in him, just like they planned. A shiver runs up his spine, feverish and excited. He should be ready for Eddie when he comes back.

Steve steps out of his boxers and climbs into bed, settling himself on Eddie’s pillow. He inhales the scent of smoke and amber, dark and warm, and thinks about smelling it straight from the source. In just a few minutes, he’ll be nipping at the bonding mark on Eddie’s neck and breathing him in to his heart’s content.

Just thinking about it makes Steve squeeze his thighs together against the ache he feels. He’s so empty, and Eddie’s the only one who can fix it. Even as he slips two fingers, then three, inside himself, Steve imagines more: the perfect fullness of Eddie’s cock, the delicious stretch of his knot. The way his belly will swell after Eddie knocks him up.

“Couldn’t wait for me?” Eddie asks from the doorway.

Steve lets out a whine at the prospect of having his mate so near but not being touched by him yet. His own hand is a poor substitute for Eddie’s, missing his calluses and the coolness of his poor circulation and the way he knows how to play Steve just like his beloved guitar. It’s not enough.

“Hey, it’s okay.” Eddie’s voice is suddenly coming from right next to him, perched on the edge of the bed. His hand on Steve’s face is a relief, like a cold glass of water. “I’ve got you.”

“Want it,” Steve tells him, pleads with him as he gropes for any bare skin he can reach, desperate to feel Eddie, real and solid beside him.

Eddie gently grasps Steve’s wrist, pulling his hand from between his legs with a slick squelch. “Do you need more prep first or are you—?”

“Just your cock,” Steve huffs, shifting impatiently. He doesn’t think he’s ever been so affected by a heat before. Probably something to do with stopping his birth control, he guesses, but the cause doesn’t matter much when he’s being hollowed out and burned alive by the overwhelming want that’s flooding through him.

And he must have missed Eddie moving again, because he’s startled by the sensation of Eddie’s cock sliding through his folds. Kneeling between Steve’s spread thighs, Eddie doesn’t thrust inside yet, just nudges the head of his cock against Steve’s and smears his wetness around with every slow roll of his hips. He knows how badly Steve needs him and he’s still toying with him.

It’s starting to hurt now, the way his cunt clenches around nothing while his mate is right there. “Please, Alpha, please,” he begs, arching his back and reaching for Eddie’s hips to try to guide him inside.

Eddie catches both of his wrists in one giant hand and presses them into the pillows above Steve’s head. He leans down, their bodies pressed together from hips to shoulders, and buries his face in the crook of Steve’s neck, right over his mating bite.

The scrape of Eddie’s teeth is a silent reminder of their bond, thrumming through Steve like a plucked string. Telling Steve not to worry, asking for his trust, promising that he’ll be taken care of. Steve relaxes at his alpha’s reassurance. He’s still needy, still heat-drunk and aching for Eddie’s knot, but no longer frantic with it.

“So good for me,” Eddie murmurs, releasing Steve’s wrists. With his newly freed hand, Eddie takes hold of his cock, right at the base where his knot is already starting to swell, and slowly feeds it into Steve’s cunt.

Steve doesn’t think he could speak if he tried. Eddie is so hot and thick inside him, it’s like he’s pushing all the air out of Steve’s lungs so he can’t make a sound. All he can do is cling to him, fingers tangling in Eddie’s hair where his arms are locked around his neck, and let his mouth hang open as he gasps for breath.

“There you go, sweetheart,” Eddie sighs as he bottoms out. His first thrusts are tentative, gentle rocks in and out that glide smoothly through Steve’s slick. “That’s what you needed, huh? My cock filling you up?”

“Eddie.” His name feels so good in Steve’s mouth, as good as Eddie’s cock stuffing his pussy to the brim. They fit together like they were made to, so easy that Steve doesn’t have to think. He can just focus on the hot drag of each stroke, the way Eddie can get so deep with just a twitch of his hips, carving out a space inside Steve that nobody else will ever be able to fill.

“You’re so fucking beautiful. I swear, it’s like you’re already glowing.”

He believes it, can practically feel it radiating from his skin, soaking into the sheets beneath him. It makes him smile, then chuckle when Eddie beams back at him. God, he doesn’t think he’s ever felt this way. Joy and pleasure just keep bubbling up in his chest, lighter than air, like he’s a helium balloon, bobbing as they rock together.

Then Eddie pauses to adjust the position of Steve’s knee, and the next thrust takes Steve’s breath away when Eddie’s cock hits him just right.

“Fuck,” he moans, rolls his hips into the next one to relish the way he feels even fuller at this angle. “More, please, I need—”

“Shhh, I’ve got you.” Speeding up his pace, Eddie drives in even deeper, the slap of his hips obscenely loud each time they meet the slick-smeared skin between Steve’s thighs. “I’m gonna give you everything you need, baby, don’t you worry.”

The promise pounds in Steve’s ears in time with his heartbeat. Eddie will take care of him. Eddie will fuck him better than anyone else ever could, will empty himself inside Steve and then knot him for good measure, again and again until Steve’s heat breaks. Until he’s bred, full with as many pups as Eddie can give him.

He must’ve been thinking out loud, because Eddie cups his cheek tenderly and murmurs, “That’s right, honey, all the puppies you want. Gonna be such a good mama.”

“Want it,” Steve agrees, nuzzling into Eddie’s touch. Warm and safe here in their nest, with his Alpha’s knot starting to catch at his hole, he knows without a shadow of a doubt that he’s coming out of this heat pregnant. It feels too right to fail. He hums his satisfaction against Eddie’s hand.

“Getting close for me?” Eddie slows his hips, returning to the slow grinds that make Steve’s toes curl. “Wanna come on my cock like a good Omega? Squeeze every last drop out of my knot so you can have my baby—”

Steve goes silent when he comes, unable to catch his breath or put together a coherent thought. His pussy spasms around Eddie’s cock until his Alpha can’t pull away, can only rock into the wet clutch of him as his knot pops past Steve’s rim.

“Oh, fuck, Stevie,” Eddie pants. He muffles his groan in the crook of Steve’s neck, mouthing at his mating bite as he spills inside of him.

If he hadn’t still been riding out his first orgasm, the sensation would be enough to make Steve come again. He’s acutely aware of each jerk of Eddie’s cock, each hot spurt filling him, his Alpha’s knot swelling further to lock them together. It settles him in a way he didn’t know he needed, sates him so completely that he goes limp in Eddie’s arms.

He can hear Eddie speaking to him, though he sounds far away. “So good for me,” he soothes, trailing kisses along Steve’s jaw and raking sweat-damp hair away from his forehead. “My beautiful mate. I love you so much.”

Steve ducks his head to capture Eddie’s lips with his, gasping when the movement makes Eddie’s knot twitch. “Love you, too, Alpha. Took such good care of me,” he croons. He laces his fingers with Eddie’s and tugs their joined hands to rest over his lower belly, still flat but full of promise. “Of us.”

“Always,” Eddie vows, sealing it with another soft kiss. “Now get some rest before the next wave hits.”

“Then you can make sure it takes,” Steve grins.

———

It does.

[heideez]

man i just love the sea grunkles 😭😭🫶🫶

a few (many) frequently written elements that i love and wanna talk about bc i feel like yapping:

- ford’s health anxiety. when he worries about stan’s health to a ridiculous degree, or oscillates between “he can have whatever he wants his mind got erased!! he saved the world!!” and “oh my god he’s going to die this man is in such poor health i need to concoct 357 potions to regrow his teeth and fix his eyes and—”

- stan reintroducing ford to human food. yes king you throw those fucking nutrient pills overboard! especially love when ford rediscovers his love for sweet things. no way this man was not malnourished coming thru the portal.

- looking identical again. the previous two often play into this with stan being more active/eating better and losing weight, ford actually eating and gaining some, plus them being back together + in sync just makes them look more similar + honestly ten years younger.

- mutual guilt. both of them are haunted by their past mistakes, but constantly dismiss the other’s. they both blame themselves for their mess of a history and are constantly trying to reassure their twin. “it was my fault.” “no, it was My fault!”

-mutual anxiety over the other’s safety. especially after ford learns more about stan’s past. they are determined to die of simultaneous heart attacks and will not hear it any other way (they both secretly think they’ll die first but ford is blatantly wrong and in denial)

- them acting like kids again/behaving childishly. they both deserve this, plus they return to elements of their dynamic that existed the last time it was good, which would have been as teens.

-petty fights. both of these men are deeply flawed. let them argue over shit that does not matter and then instantly regret it because they’ve lost Too Much Time.

- both being inept with modern technology. bonus points if ford takes the phone like “ill handle this” and fails to handle it. extra bonus points if fiddleford navigates it easily.

- PLATONIC (!!!!!!!) physical touch/cuddles. bonus points if feral ford is involved here. but i just love it in general because i feel like that’s their love language in a way. wether it’s playful shoves/noogies or freaking out and needing to be close to each other after nightmares, across the board it’s one of my favorite things with them.

- stan demonstrating his accrued science knowledge but Choosing not to use the calculations side of it because he hates it and it reminds him of the portal work (unless ford asks very nicely or gives him the puppy dog eyes)

- stan being unable to say no to ford. not like literally unable but he’s Very easily guilted and again. the puppy dog/sad wet bird eyes. bonus points if stan uses similar tactics to get ford to do basic self care!

anyway expect some sea grunkles content from me soon because they live in my brain. and let me know if you have any more tropes you love with them, because i always want to hear people’s yap/thoughts on them and their dynamic.

(this is all 10000% and strictly platonic. do NOT tag as ship or i will instantly block you. hate that i have to say this.)

[milkistar]

𝐕𝐀𝐌𝐏𝐈𝐑𝐄𝐒 𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐋 𝐍𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐇𝐔𝐑𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔. ⊹ ˚ 𝐏𝐓. 𝟐

can you take this spike? will it wash away this jet black, now? [ . . . ] please save my soul. [ . . . ]

i'll never let them hurt you, not tonight.

⤹ you can find pt. 1 › here. ┆ pt. 3 › here.

you were sent on a mission to hunt a dangerous vampire, but when you finally find him, he’s nothing like the monster you expected - he doesn’t fit the stories you were told.

★:: sunghoon (enhypen) x reader. tags:: gn reader, vampire au, reader should kill the vampire but guess what, blood, mentions of violence, mentions of murder.

you stayed in the church for an hour after sunrise. you knew that vampires couldn’t tolerate sunlight, so they had already disappeared from the forest for a while, but you wanted to be sure you wouldn’t run into any of them; after all, you were unarmed.

in the end, that vampire—sunghoon—hadn’t lied to you. it was truly consecrated ground, and he had really saved your life. you couldn’t deny it—you were curious to know why.

you stepped out of the church cautiously, looking around for any potential threats—you were still in a forest, after all. it was all clear.

you pulled your phone out of your uniform pocket and checked the battery: there was still a little left, hopefully enough.

last night, after taking refuge in the church, you had tried to call the academy for help, but there was no signal. and, in fact, there wasn’t any that morning either.

with a sigh, you started walking through the forest, searching for a place where your phone would get reception.

your leg muscles ached from last night’s sprint, and the time spent awake in the church (there was no way you were going to sleep in a situation like that), so the act of standing up and walking once again was harder than it seemed.

meanwhile, you couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened the night before. was it terrifying? absolutely. did you feel guilty for surviving while your teammates likely hadn’t? you could bet on it. and yet, those weren’t the thoughts tormenting your mind.

the studies you had done on vampires, the textbooks you had read, the certainties on which your life had been built for the past few years… they were all wrong.

sure, vampires had proven to be bloodthirsty monsters, just like everyone had always said (you could still feel that red liquid on your hand), but they weren’t as different from humans as they were described.

and that was a crucial detail.

sunghoon had repaid the favor you had done him by not killing him, and then he had also kept his word. it was almost ridiculous because many humans weren’t even capable of that. and then—

and then, distracted by the signal icon finally appearing on your phone, you tripped and fell to the ground over a branch. or rather, a person.

a dead person.

instinctively, you brought a hand to your mouth to stifle a scream as your eyes gradually recognized the remains of the person in front of you: it was kieran, a foreign student a couple of years older than you.

the visible parts of his body were covered in bites and bruises, his uniform stained with blood and torn in several places. his body, so drained of blood, would be enough to give you nightmares for years to come.

“oh my god,” you whispered, though such an exclamation felt terribly out of place in a situation like this.

with trembling hands, you managed to dial the academy’s number and pressed the phone to your ear.

you waited for an answer on the other end, then spoke. “this is y/n y/s from the mission regarding the vampire. i need assistance—there is at least one confirmed dead.”

—---

the days following that event passed as slowly as a movie you hate but are forced to watch. sunghoon and kieran’s ravaged body were a constant weight in your mind.

during those days, the academy’s research team made progress on the case, and as the sole survivor, you were reassigned to the mission.

your suspicions had been confirmed: all three of your teammates had died, all in the same way—killed by vampires.

you were questioned about that night, but you didn’t mention sunghoon. you said you had found the church on your own, by accident, while trying to escape, and decided to take shelter inside. there was no need for them to know the truth, right? you knew it wasn’t right, but you liked convincing yourself otherwise.

regardless of your help, the researchers managed to track down the culprits. apparently, the murders of your teammates—and those of the civilians—weren’t the work of a single individual, but an entire clan of seven members.

the clan, at least three centuries old, was known as one of the most dangerous and bloodthirsty in the supernatural world. since their formation, they had killed hundreds, if not thousands, of people.

but here came the interesting part: you were the only survivor in their entire history.

it made no sense. why you?

that evening, after classes, you grabbed every file you could find about the clan from the archives, determined to learn more about the situation.

you went to the library, which was strangely almost always empty, and compared the files with books about vampires you had taken from the shelves.

that wing of the academy was a place you often visited when you wanted to study, reflect, or simply relax. the white walls and towering mahogany shelves filled with books were like a paradise to you—they made you feel at ease.

you started comparing everything written about the clan with what expert supernatural historians and doctors said about vampires, sorting plausible facts from obvious fabrications.

you were so absorbed in your research that you didn’t notice a man sitting across from you in the library—a man with pale skin and raven-black hair.

“if you wanted to know something about me, sweetheart, you could’ve just asked.” his voice pulled you back to reality.

you didn’t need to look up to know it was him—that voice was something you hadn’t been able to forget.

when you did look at him, his eyes were no longer red like they had been that night but black, like his hair.

'like his bloodstained clothes,' a voice inside you reminded you, but you silenced it.

“what are you doing here?” you asked, glancing around. no one was noticing the vampire speaking to you at that moment, right?

“oh, come on, are you suffering from memory loss now?” he asked, raising an eyebrow, his expression disappointed. “i told you i’d come visit.”

in fact, he had. and he had also proven to be a man of his word. yet, his visit was the last thing you had expected.

he rested his chin on the palm of his hand, elbow propped on the table, and looked bored at the files in front of you.

you took deep breaths, trying to steady your heartbeat, which was rapidly accelerating. despite everything, that vampire made you more than a little uneasy.

“these reports are inaccurate,” he said, picking up a sheet from your files and bringing it closer to his face to read it better—it was the approximate victim count. “we’ve killed far more.”

he slid the paper back toward you across the wooden table. “but they deserved it.”

“how could anyone ever deserve death?” you asked, trying your best not to raise your voice. what he was saying made no sense.

nonsense you should have expected from a vampire. but in those days, your image of him had become too romanticized, almost making you forget his true nature. luckily, he had come to remind you.

“were you there?” he asked, locking eyes with yours. the boredom on his face was replaced by seriousness.

you didn’t answer—it was obvious. their murders had happened in different places around the world, spanning centuries of history. you were just a human—it was impossible for you to have been there.

“exactly,” he said after studying your expression. “don’t judge what you don’t understand.”

a moment of silence passed, where he continued to look at you while you wondered why no one had started screaming ‘vampire!’ at his presence yet.

then, you decided to break the quiet with the question that had been circling in your mind. “why did you decide to save me?”

he said nothing for a moment, then smiled—exactly like he had that night, in an almost unsettling way.

“why didn’t you tell your superiors about me?” he asked in return, his sharp canines visible behind his grin.

it was a fair question, but one even you didn’t know the answer to.

you watched as he stood from his chair, unnoticed once again.

“expect another visit from me. i want to hear what other fantasy stories you’ve found about me.” he chuckled slightly, then turned around, giving you his back. “this time, don’t forget, sweetheart.”

without looking back, he gave you a small wave and walked away, undisturbed.

you sat there for a couple of minutes, staring at the pages in front of you. then, with a frustrated groan, you slammed the books shut with a thud.

this time, everyone turned to look at your table.

a/n : not gonna lie that wasn't supposed to be out this early 😭😭 but i needed to distract myself with something, so -

‹𝟹 taglist :: @whateveridontcaresheesh ﹑ @gudkc ﹑ @tasnemluvs .

[leonkennedybreedingkink]

PRETTY WHEN YOU CRY

bestie!leon kennedy x reader

warnings: 18+, dubcon lol, mental health issues for both leon and reader… he’s a pervert and again ooc but that’s the fun of things. dacryphillia and he’s a little mean and sleazy.

tumblr removes fics with nsfw tags from the tag. ergo i’ve flagged the content at the beginning. you’re also responsible for your own media consumption, so if this bugs you, don’t read it.

Leon sat there on the edge of the bed with you, rubbing your back as you hid your face in your hands. “I just feel like I’m going in circles.” You tell him, lifting your head out of your hands to rest your chin on them. “I mean, I don’t feel like I’m ever gonna get better.”

He can sympathize, he really can, especially when he was in boot camp post Raccoon City and laid awake at night because he had nightmares otherwise.

He rubs your back in circles on autopilot, trying not to get bored or indulge in an impulsive thought that tells you to shut the fuck up and quit fucking crying, maybe open your blinds once or twice a day and you wouldn’t feel so bad. Eat a fucking vegetable or two while you’re at it.

You, believing the best in him, don’t really notice. “I just—“ and your voice breaks, face warming all the way to your neck as you hide your face in your hands again and kick yourself internally for crying in front of him.

You hate crying in front of everyone, your face gets splotchy and you can’t breathe through your nose. When it’s Leon, though, your best friend, it’s a little worse because you’d bet he looks cute when he cries, him and his stupid Botticelli angel face.

And, oh, that’s not really the right move.

He doesn’t remember when watching someone cry would be enough to get him off, except for an adult video he watched had a girl get fucked so good he could watch tears leak out of her eyes, openly sobbing when she squirted because that faceless phallus hit the right spot inside her.

Or when his ex-girlfriend was on her fourth orgasm of the night and she cried just a little while his face was between her legs.

He needed a stress reliever that day, it was a tough time; and he’s never really had to think while going down on someone.

Leon shifts a little and prays to a God he doesn’t believe in that he’s not seriously getting bricked up by you crying. Nope, it’s not going down, shit, he hopes you don’t notice.

You stifle sobs into your palms for a good thirty minutes, face and ears hot enough to power a fucking house. You take a break to wipe your eyes with your sleeve, sniffling wetly before you reach over to blow your nose. “‘M sorry,” You tell him, voice wobbling before you blow your nose and toss the used tissue away.

“It’s fine.” Leon tells you, his voice just a little strained. He wraps an arm around you and pulls you into his lap and prays you don’t notice that he’s bricked up just from you crying. God, Leon, that’s so fucked up. At least those girls—nameless pornstar and ex-girlfriend—were enjoying it, you’re crying because you’re sad and mentally ill.

Again, fucked up.

You cry a little harder when he’s being so kind to comfort you, hiding your face in his shoulder as you sniffle and keep the sobbing to a minimum. When your tears come to an end, that’s when you notice that he’s fully hard beneath you. You lift your head up after a pause, wiping one eye as you look at Leon. “Leon… are you…?”

He can’t quite hide a grimace. “I’m—um, I’m really—I’m not—“ And when he catches sight of your red face and tear-streaked cheeks, he nearly groans, his throat suddenly dry. That’s when he flips you onto your back.

You land in the pillows with a soft grunt, giving him a bewildered look. “What are you doing?” You ask him in a little voice, sniffling and wiping your runny nose.

“Do you ever stop feeling sorry for yourself?” He asks you, one hand planting in the pillow beside your head, the other untucking his shirt.

Your stomach turns and he can visibly see his words hit the mark. “What?” You ask him, eyes close to brimming with tears again.

“Jesus,” Leon swears, undoing his belt buckle one handed cause he’s had enough practice. “You wanna know what I think? I think you like wallowing, I think you like having people consoling you.” His belt comes undone with a rattle, his button and fly next.

You stare at him with your mouth agape before a couple tears slip out. He takes the chance to push up your shirt and lets out a groan when he sees the cute black bra you’re wearing, hands wandering up to squeeze handfuls of your tits.

You yelp, back arching of your own accord—he’s glad that worked, you told him enough of what you liked when venting about your ex-boyfriends not being able to find the clit or eat pussy right.

He’s never had that problem, obviously.

A slightly mean smile crawls across his face before he leans down to lick a tear track up. “Poor, unloved little thing.” He coos, sticking his hands down the front of your sweatpants to find you damp.

Leon rubs circles on your clit to see you grind your teeth and twitch, one of his hands still on your tit as you try not to react further. “You just sit here in your depression cave and feel bad for yourself, huh? Do you even open up your curtains to get some sun? The sun’s real nice, a natural antidote to depression.”

Humiliation and an orgasm lick up your spine a few seconds after he’s done talking, body locking up as your hands fist in the sheets. He tuts at you and sticks his used finger in your mouth, kneeling between your spread legs as he pulls down your sweatpants with the other hand.

Aw, you left a cute little wet spot on your panties, just for him.

You lift up your hips when he tells you to, he throws the flimsy garments on the floor where they land with a soft slap. “C’mon, I know how make you feel better.” He tells you, one hand cupping your knee to put one over his shoulder as he finally pulls down his jeans and boxers to mid-thigh.

Leon sinks in with a stifled groan, then wraps your other leg around his waist, turning his head and kissing your knee once he’s balls-deep.

Your chest heaves and he kisses your collarbone—poor thing, it must be a little much for you, he’s not even moving.

You scrabble at him when he finally does move, nails catching on his shirt before you manage to tug him closer. Each short, staccato thrust makes the bed rock and punches little squeaks from you.

Your door’s open, but he doesn’t feel like closing it, so he puts a hand over your mouth as he covers your body with his, hips grinding to hear you whimper against his palm. “I know, I know, baby.” he tells you, lips ghosting over your cheek before he licks up more salty tears that overflow. “I’ve got you. You’re all empty inside, I’ll fill you up.”

But not before you come, Leon’s a gentleman like that. He loops his arm beneath you and pulls you into his thrusts, you grow a little louder beneath his palm. He shifts so his pubic bone can grind a little harder against your clit and your thigh twitches before you sob against his palm, brows furrowing as you lurch up, more tears squeezing out.

He fucks you through it before pulling out and painting your tummy white, collapsing by your side and panting softly. You sniffle loudly and Leon feels a little bad, rolling over when you do and spooning you from behind, his release staining your sheets as you cry quietly.

He holds you through it, kissing your shoulder and the nape of your neck before hiding his face in your hair. “I’m sorry.” He mumbles after a long silence, “I was out of line.”

You shake your head and stay silent, wiping your eyes as you two cuddle in silence.

[pynkgothicka]

Ｂｅａｓｔ Ｍｉｇｕｅｌ ｏ＇Ｈａｒａ

Synopsis - After you sister leaves you to hang with your boss, both his and your lives becoming a waking nightmare

Pairing - Yandere! Miguel o’Hara x Fem! Reader

Featuring - Jessica Drew but the black version cause I luv black women

Tags and Warnings - Stalking, Kidnapping, Violence towards reader

Authors Note - I LUV HIM SM MY GOD. I HADDD TO WRITE SOMETHING. Also I believe this contains slight spoilers??? I think???

A friendly reminder that all my works are dark fanfiction! Please if you do not like that do not read them! This is your final warning before hitting the keep reading button!!

“Jess! Are you sure it's okay that I'm here? I'm not really spider-like.” You followed behind your sister, her afro swinging as she walked. You fiddled with the band she gave you in order to keep you from glitching out.

It was all so casual, and almost everyone greeted her. The architecture was other worldy, almost only to benefit the inhabitants. Speaking of, there was many, too many to count. 2D, 3D, Male, Female, Pigs, Horses, Cats, almost anything imaginable.

While you looked at it all in amazement, they all looked at you, and gave you dirty and worried looks. At least thats what it looked like under their masks.

“Oh Miguel won't like this…”

“I didn't know they allowed just anyone up here?”

“I mean Peter B brings his daughter so I guess it's a pass."

“I just know Miguel doesn't like anything new. He might bare his fangs or something. You know that guy and sacre tactics.”

You shuddered at the way they spoke of this Miguel guy. But you kept following behind Jessica until she came to a huge hatch, in which opened up on her walking up.

“Miguel!”

“What do you need Jessica, aren't you supposed to be on a mission?”

“I do, but I need you to do a favor!” Jessica yelled, shoving your shoulder to push you ahead. “My sister is visiting from college in my dimension. I need someone to watch over her and I trust you'll do that without letting her get hurt.”

You finally looked up seeing a sharp jawed man looking down at you. His spider suit glew a dark blue with bright red highlights. His brown hair was pushed back, framing his face perfectly. Not only that, but he was huge, built like a giant.

He came down from his workspace, now closer to you than ever. His chest was too your face and you had to look up too look at him. He seemingly almost over analyzed you, eyes trialing up and down your form. “Fine. Just go handle the situation.”

Jessica raised a brow and crossed her arms. “Fine? Just fine? You usually aren't just okay with this type of stuff. You sur-”

“Your questioning my decisions?” Miguel said his stature becoming stiff, seemingly fed up with her constant questioning.

“No… just wondering. Don't have too much fun you two.” Jessica said giving you a small hug before walking off. As the hatch door closed, Miguel's hand went to your back, ushering you to walk with him.

“I'll give you a chair so you can stay within my sight. I don't want to lose you.” You nodded, watching as he turned away from you, going back to his work. A chair was pushed your direction, and when you finally got to sitting down the cushioned seat almost swallowed you whole. You could take a nap if you wanted too, it was just that comfortable. And you almost did, until you were pulled from your rest with a deep voice.

“Did she tell you, or did you piece it together?”

“Huh?"

“Jessica. Did you just figure out she was Spider-Woman?”

Miguel's hands just kept working, his focus divided between talking to you and his work. “To be honest, I just figured it out. When I asked her if what I thought was true, she just seemed relieved and told me everything.”

Miguel seemed surprised at this making a strange humming noise. “You two must be very close huh?”

“Yeah. I wouldn't trade the world for the bond me and her share. I'm glad she trusted me enough to tell me about that side of her life. From what she told me, Spiderman doesn't usually tell people about what he does. It's refreshing you know… I'm sorry am I rambling too much?”

“No. Your fine, I'm actually enjoying the company. I'm in here by myself most of the time. It's nice to hear another voice.” You gave him a small smile in which he returned, smirking at you. He stopped working and his screens switched off. “What do you do for fun?”

“Me? Fun? Uhh I don't know. I'm a college student with just about 0 connections. I guess reading?” You finally chased for a reply.

“LYLA get someone to bring me a book from the library. Hell bring two.” Miguel said, finally an AI woman popping up. She teased him a bit before finally having someone bring you two books. Miguel then sat down next too you beginning to open one of the books he brought.

“Your willing to read with me?”

“Yeah. I need to get my mind off of things anyway.”

🩸

Once Jessica had picked you up, Miguel felt weird. He knew you were attractive. Like very attractive. But that wasn't normal for him. He usually didn't see attraction in people.

Something else he also knew was that when he was around you he felt comfortable. He had no worries and you took them all away. It was a feeling he could only recall when he was with his “daughter.” He'd let you snuggle up close too him, physical touch being something he hadn't felt in a while.

“LYLA. I need you to pull any information on Jessica Drew's sister. It can be from any dimension, I just need to know everything.” Miguel basically ordered the ai. She popped up in front of him, with that same smug look she always gave when questioning his any of his decisions.

“Why would you need that?! It's not like she's ever going to get bitten by a radioactive spider.” LYLA said bringing up a huge collection of information she'd found on you in a heartbeat. “But hey I'll indulge this. Let's see, she's almost always college student, future looks like a journalist, ooh she's judgemental! And just about always single. Seems like her connection to Jessica Drew is always the sisterly role.”

Miguel fell more and more in love the more LYLA talked. “Send all that too my computer.”

“Gotcha! Hopefully this will help you.” LYLA said dissipating away. Miguel stared at the picture of you on one of the screens.

He had to have you. At any means necessary.

🩸

You'd finally saved up for a apartment to where you could stay without the need for dorm mates.

Being a journalism major meant you needed all the focus you could get. And you couldn't find that when around all those people. So you left.

Usually you wrote uplifting pieces for your sister as her and the press don't usually get along well. Even though your pretty sure she knows you wrote majority of her good stories, you also know she'd smile seeing that people appreciated her work.

As you were turned around and began slicing open a box to unpack in your room, a voice boomed from your window. “Hi sweetheart.” From across your room stood a towering Miguel o’Hara. He crawled his way into your room, shutting the window behind him.

“Umm hi Miguel. Are you looking for Jess? She's not here i-” Miguel cut you off.

“I'm not looking for her. I was actually looking for you. I came to talk to you about something.” Miguel started moving closer, slowly stepping towards you. He ducked past your light fixture, finally truly Intimidating you. Something about the way he was coming towards you frightened you. His size almost made it worse.

“Oh. Well of course. You can talk to me about anything.” You trailed off putting your knife to the side, giving Miguel your undivided attention

“I want you to come live with me. At the headquarters. No one has to know. Not even your sister.” He said causally. He was right on you, making you trip and buckle to fall on your bed. You looked up at him, pushing yourself further into the bed.

“That's, crazy Miguel. I can't that, I'm a college student! I don't even know you enough for that!”

"But I know you. I've studied you. Every possibility of you. I know more about you than you know yourself!" You let out a small gasp. This man had been essentially stalking you.

"Miguel. That makes it even worse, the last answer is no. And.... And I need you to go."

“You just don't get it do you?” Miguel's hand hit the wall, claws digging and dragging in the drywall. “I don't think you understand I'm not asking you to do anything. This is me telling you.”

And with that you kicked against him, trying to immobile him at any means possible. You had to find Jessica.

But he grabbed your wrist, trying to drag you to your window. He hoisted you up to his shoulder like you weighed nothing.

“Let go! Let go of me, Jess! Jess please!!” You began to scream out for your sister seeing if maybe, just maybe she was around to help you.

But she wasn't.

No one was.

You started to beat on Miguel's back. He was now out of your window and climbing up the side of your apartment, heading to the roof. “You better stop fighting, this is destiny. Our destiny.” When he finally made it to the roof he put you down and a hexagonal portal appeared as he messed around with his arm band. You began to heave on impact with the hot concrete. Miguel then turned back towards you, watching in amusement as you dragged yourself slowly to get away from him.

“What are you doing?!” Miguel's head snapped as he stared at LYLA who now stood in front of him at full height. “Your pulling the exact same thing you tried before this, before you made the society! Made me!”

"You don't understand. You will never understand."

"I understand more than you will ever know. You need to stop. And you need to stop now!"

You took this as a opening to crawl your way to the nearest side of the building. You could hear Miguel snarl and yell at Layla. But you tried to pay no mind to that as you looked down over the right edge of the building. You saw a metal of the top apartments stairway.

Fuck this would hurt.

Your body hit the metal with a loud bang, the adrenaline wore off as you finally felt all the bruises and gashes you gotten. “Fuck, my god. Jess… Spider-Woman! Plea-” You felt a hand on the back of your neck. Claws dug in to the front, slightly nicking at your neck.

“Where are you going?”

Miguel picked up your body like you weighed nothing. He then carried and slammed you against the nearby wall. When trying to move your hand to tap on the glass pane, Miguel's other hand grabbed at your wrist, immobilizing you. “Miguel please don't do this! Jessica, she's going to look for me I know it jus-”

“Shh My Love… this won't hurt a bit.” Miguel barred his fangs at you opening wide and moving to your neck. And before you could protest he bit deep into it, venom seeping into your veins. You felt woozy, and realized you couldn't move an inch. Just how he wanted you.

“It's all going to be okay Mi Vida. I know exactly what you need... A family. And not just any family. A family with me."

[bagels-and-cream-cheese333]

RAPH FICS.

WARNING: I HAVE A FUCKED UP TASTE IN LITERATURE. A LOT OF THESE COVER VERY SERIOUS TOPICS. READ THE SUMMARY I GIVE OF THE FICS AND READ THE TAGS, DON’T PURPOSEFULLY TRIGGER YOURSELF, PLEASE AND THANK YOU, HAVE A NICE DAY. 

Here I am, giving my concerning amount of ROTTMNT Raph fics to you :) the poll I made got an astounding almost 100% yes soooo I’m guessing y’all want these <3 also PS it is VERY IMPORTANT to read the trigger warnings in the actual fic because I might not cover all of them/forget a couple!!

defective by a_rutabaga - oneshot

defective - a_rutabaga - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types [Archive of Our Own]

Prison Dimension Raph tries to protect his brothers, but just ends up hurting everyone (including himself) in the process. It’s not pretty (I’m lying it’s very handsome I absolutely adore this fic.) I will say that it’s made for the prison dimension turtles AU, which you should TOTALLY CHECK OUT. THAT AU IS INCREDIBLE. TW for body horror, mind manipulation and control <3 and just overall bad things happening :)

Survivor’s Guilt by JupiterJimsBootyyyShaker - multichapter, ongoing

Survivor’s Guilt - Chapter 1 - JupiterJimsBootyyyShaker - Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018) [Archive of Our Own]

Touches on the guilt Raph has after Leo sacrificed himself, and the consequences of the Kraang. Siiighhhh I adore this fic <3 everything from the overwhelming, debilitating guilt to Raph refusing to leave Leo’s side? Muah. No notes. Perfect. TW for nightmares, vomiting, guilt obv, refusing to eat, and technically self harm in the first chapter.

deep gut by ironAdage - oneshot

deep gut - ironAdage - Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018) [Archive of Our Own]

Raph’s trauma catches up to him, and he overeats. Again. And again. And again. Or Raph develops bulimia: the fic. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaa…… oh my god this fic was AMAZING. SHOWSTOPPING. PERFECT EVEN. definitely showed me that I have some things Very Very (that’s two verys) Wrong with my brain, but wtv fuck it we ball. This just shows his mental state and everything AMAZINGLY. Ugh it’s beautiful <3 TW for bulimia, shame, the works. 

Hold On, Pain Ends by douchegrayson <3 - multichapter, completed

Hold On, Pain Ends - Chapter 1 - douchegrayson - Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018) [Archive of Our Own]

Raph deals with the aftermath of the Kraang <3 basically another aftermath fic. AAAAAAAA but BRO. This hurt in the best way possible. Absolutely adore this <3 the ending? WOW. NEVER THOUGHT THAT MEDIA COULD TOUCH ME LIKE THIS. Just go read it guys it’s amazing <3

and then.. we have…..

the quarantine series by somethin-strange - multichapter, ongoing

quarantine - Somethin_Strange - Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018) [Archive of Our Own]

An entirely new take on Raph’s experience with the Kraang. Genuinely cannot sing enough praises for these fics, definitely some of the best I’ve ever fuckin read. Jesus Christ guys just go read it I need more ppl to talk to about this <3 and honestly it has something for everyone. It has Leo angst, Donnie angst, Mikey angst, even Splinter and April and Casey Jr. get their moments. Honestly TW for like SO MANY things though, mind control, manipulation, themes of SA, needles, major blood n gore, and probably more since those are just off the top of my head. But goddamn is it good. Check it out.

The Foundation by LotusFlair - multichapter, ongoing

The Foundation - Chapter 1 - LotusFlair - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types [Archive of Our Own]

This has got to be my (tied) second fav raph author ever because WHAT THE FUCK

this goddamn fic. has messed up my mental state. it is rearranging my brain waves as we speak. I can’t think normally anymore this fic is just BURROWED in there. Basically Raph gets excluded by his siblings <3 <3 not on purpose. But damn. It’s written so well. And then mystic powers go brrrrr and then brain n brawn and then sunset duo and then magnetic twins and baby raph AAAAAAA. My explanation skills are absolute shit but cmon. ITS AMAZING. THE CHARACTERIZATION? ON POINT. WRITING? EVEN MORE ON POINT. TRAUMAAAA?? don’t get me started

Eventful Night by The_Most_Neon_Leon

Eventful Night - Chapter 1 - The_Most_Neon_Leon - Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018) [Archive of Our Own]

Look guys. I know. I know… only one chapter.. but that will not stop me from aggressively crushing on this fic. I think about it atleast twice a week. I HAD A DREAM ABOUT IT. and chapter two is canonically in the works so <3 basically Raphie has nightmares blah blah comforts Mikey’s there, Kraang angst. Very good fic. Love it. 

ain’t much that’s dumber by rolameny - multichapter, completed

ain't much that's dumber - Chapter 1 - rolameny - Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018) [Archive of Our Own]

Guys I don’t think y’all understand the sheer amount of illness I feel about this fic whenever it’s mentioned. The brain worms have successfully wormed into my brain. I can’t even pick one solid thing about this fic to focus on because it’s ALL. SO. GOOD. GO READ IT. also this author is the other author tied for my second fav Raph author (take a shot everytime i say author, you’ll end up dead)

and then just every single one of somethin_strange’s raph fics ahem ahem who said that.

One of Them Days by goldenspecter - oneshot

One of Them Days - goldenspecter - Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018) [Archive of Our Own]

Can you tell my ability to summarize these fics is going down auwjekcmwkjw… anyway. FANTASTIC FIC!!! Love when Donnie comforts Raph <333 Raph with depressive episodes my beloved <333 brains and brawn will never fail to get my brain going vrrooommmmmmm

Several Studies in Scarlet by douchegrayson <3 - multichapter, ongoing

Several Studies in Scarlet - Chapter 1 - douchegrayson - Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018) [Archive of Our Own]

Ooooaoahwhwkdkdm this is LITERALLY SO GOOD. I mean everything by douchegrayson is but THIS ESPECIALLY <3 LOVE IT <3 the fourth chapter… definitely hit different. Honestly I absolutely love the idea of this,  it’s always been bouncing around in my brain that Raph was fundamentally different from his bros, but this chapter put that into words in the best way possible. Also love how short it was but how I was able to feel every sentence <3

Anyhow that’s all!! For now. I have like 100 more but I’m getting a lil tired from summarizing them so if the people want a part two then it’ll likely just be same title format, links to the fic, and a copy/pasted summary.