#oh god my sketchbook is full of amnesia | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

deiitaelric · 4 years ago

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Amnesia / bakudeku fic part 3

Part 2

“Maybe I have something to say about this, don’t you think?” Izuku was standing a few feet apart, looking at him piercingly. Inko got up, pushing the chair on its place again.

“I’ll leave you two alone so you can talk” She passed behind Katsuki and placed a hand over his shoulder. “You can stay the night. There’s a futon in Izuku’s wardrobe” She moved away from him and caressed Izuku’s face before leaving. “Good night, sweetie”

“Good night, mom”

Izuku stayed still until he heard his mother closing the door of her room. “Tell me,” Katsuki balled his hand into fists over the table and looked away. “You said you hurt me. I want to know why”

“…I tried to push you away from me because I didn’t want to be the one being hurt”

“So did I hurt you first?” Izuku asked, taking a few steps toward him.

“No, you didn’t”

“Then why would you be hurt?”

“You’re so transparent… I didn’t want to be seen through… through you. So I pushed you away. I thought it was easier for me pushing you away instead of confront myself”

“And what-? What did you do to push me away?”

“I acted like I hated you” Katsuki contracted his shoulders, all his muscles tensed. “I kept calling you ‘useless’, making you feel unworthy, and refusing you every time you were around. And the worst was that my acts encouraged other people to do the same”

“Did you hate me, though?” The question caught Katsuki by surprise. He looked up at Izuku, who was just a couple feet apart now.

“What? No, I mean… I don’t know. I was pissed off with you when I should be only pissed off with myself. And… Not even that. I don’t know. I think there was a point when I really believed I hated you for real, but it was just… fear. I even… fuck”

“Even what? What did you do, Katsuki?”

“You-” Started Katsuki with a trembling voice. He sighed, trying to relax his muscles a bit before starting again. “You used to carry a notebook everywhere. You drew so much and took notes of your days and shits like that. You didn’t never really show me them” Katsuki shook his head, shrugging slightly. “The thing is, one day this transferred student came up in our class. He pissed me off only standing there all full of himself. But when the classes ended and I passed beside your desk, I saw a bunch of drawings of him in your sketchbook. It really pissed me off” He closed his eyes tight. “So I grabbed the notebook and threw it through the window, making fun of you about your sexuality. You… you kinda confront me and it pissed me off even more. So I… I kept insulting you at the point of telling you that you should jump off the roof and wish to be born the right way in your next life”

They remained silent; Katsuki not feeling the courage to look up at him, preparing himself for the storm. But then Izuku landed a hand over one of his arms.

“Wait!” Katsuki looked up at him, finally, and saw his pretty green eyes really focused. “Oh my god, wait a moment!” He grabbed Katsuki’s arm tighter and pulled him to his feet, carrying the blonde away towards his own room.

“What are you doing? Didn’t you hear what I just told you?” Izuku shushed him and Katsuki looked at him in disbelief. What the fuck was wrong with him? Before realizing what was happening, Katsuki was sitting at Izuku’s desk with the other in front of him flipping pages of a nasty notebook.

“Here!” Izuku landed the sketchbook roughly on the desk. “It’s him, right?”

Katsuki looked at the drawings, a little smudged, the page ruined here and there as if water had fallen on it. Maybe his fault. There was a little pond below the windows of his old class. So yeah, highly probable his fault. Fuck.

“Yeah, but what are you-?”

“Todoroki”

“Huh?”

“His name. I just remembered his name. I… I kinda remember him” He approached and landed a finger on the biggest drawing. “Half his hair was red, that’s why it’s shadowed. The other half was white. His eyes were different color, too”

Katsuki looked up at him, confused, pissed off, aghast. Izuku started pacing around his room, hands locked on his green curls.

“I didn’t remember... I just remembered him now. He was a little stone-cold at first, but after some time we ended up being friends. I wonder what happened, because I didn’t hear from him for the last two years” He started rambling and Katsuki sighed slightly, turning again to look at the pages. It still pissed him off the well-drawn that face was in all his versions, how careful the lines were. He turned the page and saw more pretty drawings. He kept flipping pages and found tiny landscapes, some doodles of little objects, even some animals. He ran a finger over the lines when he found a self-portrait. “Keep talking”

Katsuki’s hand flinched back like the page had burned him. And he was grateful because Izuku just appeared on his side. He panicked a little when he found the sketchbook on another page.

“Sorry” Said Katsuki, closing the notebook and handing it to the other. “I already told you what I had to tell you. And you are as reckless as ever. Do you not fucking care?”

“It’s not like I don’t care, but… Look, I only remember like two years of my life and I have memories of people making fun of me for similar reasons”

“That’s not a reason for not being mad at me!”

“Are you mad at me because I’m not mad at you?”

“I- Yes! I was horrible towards you! I made you feel bad about yourself, even if you’re in fact straight it might hurt you I said that to you, I mean- And I was an asshole even before, calling you useless for years, too. You should be mad at me!”

“Look at you” Said Izuku, calmly, almost smiling. Katsuki was suddenly conscient of his wide and watery eyes, his panting, his hands clenched in fists over his thighs. He looked away, brushing aggressively his eyes with the dorse of his hand.

“Fuck you. I’m going home” He got up and marched towards the door.

“No, wait!” Izuku grabbed his clothes and Katsuki brushed him off but stopped. “Please, wait! I wasn’t making fun of you. I only wanted you to be aware of yourself. How can I be mad at you if you’re feeling so bad about having done that?”

Katsuki turned and looked at him, frowning.

“That doesn’t change shit”

“Yeah, it does. I never saw anyone feeling bad about hurting me. From what I can remember, nobody never apologized”

“Well, I’m sorry, okay? And I mean it”

“I know. That’s what I wanted to point out. So don’t be mad at me, please. And don’t be mad at you, neither”

“You just can’t say that. It can’t be that easy, you’re just being reckless”

“This was easy for you? I don’t think so. And it isn’t easy for me, either. I…” Izuku made a pause and looked at his feet. “I just regained a friend; can I keep it?”

“I haven't been your friend for a long time…”

“Whatever. Can you be it again?”

___

TBC

#bakudeku #bkdk #bakudeku fic #mind the tags in part 1

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