#oh god hurricane went on another one of their tangents

[hurricaneonanesthesia]

Childhood Friends to Lovers, Phoenix x Reader

Warnings: gun violence, blood, slightly canon divergent

Word Count: 2k

Genre: fluff, childhood friends to lovers.

Pairing(s): Phoenix x GN!Reader

Since I’m a fat simp for Phoenix and I’m addicted to Valorant, take this. Please help I’ve been sucked into this hellhole and I can’t get out. Originally this was intended to be just general relationship headcanons but it turned into childhood friends to lovers LMFAO. Lore hunting is so much fun and I had a great time digging through videos and the Valorant wiki for info LMAO, ngl I wanna do this again 😌 Lmk what other characters you guys would like or send a request in!

Side note: Some of the info I have in here may or may not be correct so please take everything with a grain of salt. This also might be a bit OOC but you guys can decide.

~Admin Hurricane

Fic Under the Cut!

As Kids

You first met Phoenix in elementary school (or primary school whatever you wanna call it) after you moved to the UK. 

The two of you became quick friends and he quickly helped you become acquainted with everyone there.

With his charming attitude and bright personality, the two of you became the best of friends, like two peas in a pod. 

The two of you are rarely seen apart, friends and family tease the two of you saying that you’d be a cute couple. 

Unfortunately, the two of you went your separate ways after you finished middle school. Though this didn’t stop Phoenix from seeing you practically all the time, randomly popping into your class or home. 

As Teens

Going to different schools was especially hard on Phoenix, one cause he could barely see his best friend anymore, coupled with the fact that the two of you were fairly busy. 

The two of you were on two completely different tracks especially with Phoenix attending a prestigious performing arts school in London. It seemed like he was worlds away from you.

But he’d always bounce back to chill with you. He’s your goofy friend who’s always there for you no matter what. 

The first time Phoenix realized he liked you was when he came back home on break from school and you threw a surprise welcome back party for him. He’s always prepared for hugs from you but the one you gave him back then really caught him off guard sending the two of you tumbling to the ground.

You were talking about how much you missed him and was catching him up to speed on what had happened in the past semester that he was gone but all that he could focus on was you and how your features had changed. You definitely glowed up, not to say you weren’t already good-looking before.

Shit

He’d had crushes before, to which you had teased him relentlessly for, but this was different. You were different. You were his best friend, he couldn’t just up and admit that he had been secretly harboring feelings for you for the past few years that he had known you.

For the rest of the night, he plays it off as if nothing happened, but he can’t ever look at you the same again.

The First Light

The occurrence of the First Light had sent the entire world into a state of shock and chaos. During this time Radiants began emerging all around the world, the Kingdom also making huge scientific advancements harnessing radianite to power and supply much of the Earth with energy. 

It was also during this time that for the first time, Phoenix shut you out. He’d always let you in on everything that was going on with him, but at this time he cut off ties and communications with you completely.

You were hurt of course, but you went over to his house and kicked the door to his room down to confront him. 

You pushed the door open frantically, a panicked expression on your face. “Phoenix!” you called, before spotting him in the middle of the smoky room, steam rising from him. “Hey hey,” you murmured crouching down to his level trying to get a look at his face as you grasped his shoulders, “Look at me.”

“Get away from me,” he whispered in a strained voice, looking over at you, pain in his eyes. “I-...I’ll hurt you,” he said pushing you away. You felt a rush of anger as you grasped his broad shoulders once more shaking him out of his stupor. “Snap out of it idiot!” you yelled at him, “What happened? Why did you cut me off, didn’t we tell each other we would always know what was going on with the other? That we’d always be there for each other? Why did you suddenly cut me off?” you demanded from him. He was silent, caught off guard by your sudden outburst. 

“Please...tell me,” you gazed at him, hurt reflected in your eyes. You brushed a hand against his cheek, cupping it. The two of you had always been fairly touchy-feely as kids, but this moment only made you realize how much you missed that. When had you drifted so far apart from him? 

He finally caved upon seeing your expression, sighing softly, “I really can’t say no to you huh?” You finally cracked a smile, snorting softly, “Well tell me first.” He held his hand out, grimacing slightly, “Promise me you won’t freak out?” You deadpanned, “Phoenix the world’s been thrown into a state of chaos I don’t think anything can phase me anymore.” 

He let out a breath, almost as if bracing himself before snapping his fingers and summoning a fireball perfectly controlled at his fingertips. Your eyes widened at the sight, but as promised you didn’t freak out too much. Grasping his shoulder you looked him dead in the eyes and in the most serious voice you could muster you said, “Dude, think of how much fun we could have with this.” Phoenix burst out laughing falling over, “That’s your response?” 

“Hey, I’m trying to lighten the mood here!”

He was your rock, and you were his. 

It was like nothing had happened, like before you had found out he received powers from radianite, which was still absolutely mind-boggling to you.

“Hey Phoenix, reckon you can shoot a flamethrower out your mouth like Charizard?”

“Wait I’ve never thought of doing that.”

You nearly had a heart attack when he told you that he accidentally set his performing arts school on fire because he couldn’t control his powers.

“Guess my career went up in flames yeah?”

“Stop it.”

But from this, you received a lovely slap to the face by reality and had the revelation that you indeed could not imagine life without Phoenix, and no, you didn’t want him to cut you out like that again. Oh shit, when did you start thinking like this?

Goddammit, you had fallen for him. Hard. 

But who wouldn’t like him? He was charming and good-looking to boot. Him cutting you out only made you come to the understanding that without him you felt as though a piece of you was just….missing. 

You tried quashing down your rampant emotions, but every now and then you couldn’t help but just stare at him.

The two of you made a promise after that to never keep each other out again.

Courting You and His Confession

Phoenix is fairly obvious in his attempts to try and court you. He’s known you for so long so he knows exactly which buttons to push to fluster you.

Unless you’re an agent as well, he tries his best to keep you out of his line of work. 

Some people at the VP thought that you and him were already together and don’t question your relationship.

He finally confessed during a duo mission with the two of you. It was just meant to be a short scouting mission to check on the radianite shipments at one of the VP’s warehouses but had ended up with the two of you on the receiving end of an ambush by Mirror Earth’s agents. 

You clutched your shoulder in pain, trying to staunch the blood that flowed through. “Dammit,” you cursed under your breath. “Hold on a little longer okay?” the strain was evident in Phoenix’s voice as he watched your flank. “Sage and the others are on their way with backup.” You nodded gritting your teeth, focused on preventing any more blood loss. Unlike Phoenix, you didn’t have any radiant powers to heal yourself, instead opting to familiarize yourself with the weaponry and gadgets the VP offered. Looking over, your gaze was trained on Phoenix, his expression grim. “Why did you jump in front of me?” he questioned you.

You laughed softly, grimacing a little at the wave of pain that washed over you, “I guess I wanted to look out for you y’know? We’ve always been there for each other.” His frown deepened, “I can heal myself with my fire. On the other hand, you can’t. You need to be more careful.” You huffed in irritation looking away, “I can handle myself just fine thank you very much.”

“That doesn’t matter!” his voice rose, as he tore his eyes away, “You could have died!”

“I’m not a kid!” you protested back, “I can keep myself safe!”

“Well, clearly that’s not true! Who’s the one with a bullet wound right now?”

“So? I patched it up, Sage can just remove and heal me when she gets here.”

“That’s not the point! The point I’m making is that you could have easily died!”

“Why are you getting so worked up over this? It’s not even that big of a deal!”

“‘Cause I love you.” His words sent you into a shock, so much so that you barely noticed the bullets whizzing past your head. Phoenix tugged you out of harm's way, sending some of his own bullets back. “I care for you too,” you said brushing off his words, not believing what he had said. After taking care of the hostile, Phoenix gently cupped your face, forcing you to look at him, “I really mean it,” he murmured, “ I really do love you, I have since we were kids.” You pushed him away, unsure of the emotions that were swirling around inside you, “Why are you saying this now?” He paused, for once his expression wavering, “I want to protect you, and seeing what you did...it made me realize that I could have lost you if that bullet hit somewhere else. I don’t want that. You catch my drift?” 

You nodded, the pain in your shoulder momentarily forgotten, “I...I feel the same way,” you mumbled, your cheeks tinted pink. He stared at you in disbelief as if he couldn’t comprehend what he had just heard. He was about to speak up but was abruptly cut off by Brimstone, “If you two lovebirds are done discussing your personal matters with each other, would you kindly be able to send me your coords so I can drop off the backup you requested.” 

Needless to say, Brim wasn’t too happy when the two of you got back. He had suspected something was going on with the two of you but had never pressed the issue because nothing had happened.

As long as the two of you refrained from PDA and promised to not let personal feelings interfere with missions again he wouldn’t oppose anything, to which you guys had agreed. (ik on the wiki it says that fraternization is prohibited but this is my fanfic so I can do whatever the hell I want hehe >:) )

“So I guess we’re together now?”

“Yeah.”

As Your BF

His attitude with you wouldn’t differ much from before, if anything he’s a bit more thoughtful in his gestures towards you. 

His romantic playlist would definitely be 10 different Bruno Mars tracks blasting at all times. 

Steal his jacket! He finds it cute when you put it on, and finds comfort in knowing that you’re finally his.

When the two of you have free time, he enjoys putting on a movie for you guys to watch. Snuggle up to him and watch him melt! 

The other agents are overall very supportive of you two! Score 1 for Jett’s OTP board. Brim might be a bit iffy but he’ll let it slide, after all, you guys are some of his best agents. 

Cypher is surprisingly a knowledgeable source on relationships and offers you advice whenever you’re confused about anything.

Phoenix doesn’t get jealous very easily, if anything he’ll see it as a competition which he’ll always win

Cocky bastard, always making off-hand remarks to try and throw you off, but when you do it back, he turns into a mess.

Overall, a very supportive bf, and will always be there for you through thick and thin no matter what.

I didn’t make this longer than I should have whaaat???? No definitely not :)

Want more of my writing? Be sure to check out my masterlist :)

If you wanna request something, don’t be afraid to send something my way! Thanks for reading and have a lovely day!

Wanna know what else I’ll write for? Here you go! Just be sure to read the requesting rules before you send anything in.

[aquarianlights]

The story of how I gave my psych an anxiety attack yesterday....Whoops.

Giving my psychologist an anxiety attack is something I never thought I would be able to cross off on my bucket list because it wasn't on my bucket list but now it is and now it is crossed off.... 😂😂😂😂😂 

"...[huge breath coz I had just said like...a 30 page essay in one breath as fast as humanly possible, jumping back and forth from topic to topic, but staying on track with the main point and tying it all together at the end] AND, in conclusion, that's basically how I'm gonna fix everything." [smiles] My psych is literally not breathing at this point, looking at me over his glasses, tousled mousy brown hair falling into his eyes as his jaw hangs slightly ajar and he is just speechless for a second.

"....Drew. Drew? Dreeeeeew. HEELLOOOO?" Literally get up off my chair and start waving my hands in front of his face. "LEONARD!!!!" Snapping fingers at him.

He blinks and looks up at me and literally just grabs my shoulders and gets up and sits me down on the other, larger couch and he sits---more like collapses---down beside me... and is like "We need to do some deep breathing exercises."

"You know I don't d-"

"Not for you, Kills. For me. For me. Just LISTENING to all of that is giving me anxiety. I feel like I need to breathe into a paper bag. Oh my god. Just...just hold on. Wow." I start snickering. He holds up a finger sharply. "You be quiet, you tiny little blonde ball of chaos." I purse my lips as he breathes a little bit and then opens his eyes and goes back to his chair and swivels around to look at me and goes "Okay. So. I KNOW that you know that I and every other doctor and psych and just about every human being on this PLANET knows that you have the most drive and...damn, EVERYTHING I have ever seen from a human being. I'm sure you've been told this. About how driven and passionate you are?" "I literally just had a back to back rheumatology and chronic pain appointment and they both said they wish they could book me to quote on quote preach to their chronic pain sufferers because 99% of them won't fight against their illnesses and just give up and won't do physical therapy at all or decide it's not worth it for this reason or that and they say that my passion and drive and my energy on stage would probably motivate them to get off their asses and do something to get REAL RESULTS like I have gotten. LIKE LIKE LIKE" I roll up my sleeve as much as I can, jumping up off the couch. "I lost 20lbs and gained 10lbs of muscle in about a month or so with just pure physical therapy and now I can do things I've never been able to do in my WHOLE LIFE!" My psych is back to just staring at me, only just barely breathing. I had my hands raised in a hallelujah position and was practically about to do some parkour tricks on the couches but the bottom ligaments in my spine are so slightly out alignment that if I make one wrong move, it could permanently paralyze me in some way or at least trigger some bad scoliosis. So I restrain myself and clench my fists and bring them down in front of me, bouncing on my heels. "Drew? DREEEEEEEEEEEW? YOU'RE DOING IT AGAINNNNN!" He does this all the time with me coz, as with p much every since psych I ever see (psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist, counselor, and all inbetween alike), I am always their "most interesting patient. And on top of that, I either turn out to be their "least favourite" patient (the patient from hell) or their most favourite patient (the "can I put you in a trial please or at least have one of my colleagues come sit in on a session?" patient). I'm the latter with him and he loves me to death because I make him laugh constantly throughout the sessions we have.... and since coping skills don't work for me, I make up my own and they are usually fucking hilarious and he finds them hilarious, too. We have a lot of fun and he always wishes we could have more time because I'm like... the thing he looks forward to in his days (his words, not mine) and it makes me laugh because sessions with him are things I look forward to. BUT WHEN I GO OUT OF CONTROL OR SAY SOMETHING TOTALLY RIDICULOUS, HE DOES THIS THING WHERE HE PUTS ON A REALLY MOCK-DRAMATIC LOOK AND LOOKS AT ME OVER HIS GLASSES WITH BROWS RAISED, BUT FURROWED...AND LEANING BACK IN HIS CHAIR AND RAISING HIS ARMS IN THE "WHYYYY" OR "NOOO" POSITION AND JUST LOOKING AT ME TOTALLY AGHAST SO I THOUGHT THAT'S WHAT WAS GOING ON COZ I CAN'T READ PEOPLE AT ALL. But no. He was legitimately having an inward, controlled anxiety attack. He goes "Killian. I went through medical school. Do you understand that? You KNOW what medical school entails. I know you know it because YOU'RE LIVING IT..." Taking a deep breath and laughs shakily. "Fuck, Kills. You uh... Your thoughts are way too fast for your mouth so you're definitely going into the right field, I'm sure you've heard that. I really hope you go into trauma. You'd love that, I'm sure, with the bloodlust you have and the quick pace and high pressure and high stress you need. I KNOW nothing can be slow for you but......" Another REALLY deep breath, this time eyes closed. When his eyes opened, he was very serious with me and we NEVER get serious. It's always comical in SOME way. The serious things are even comical because I'm just.... "that guy" who is pure puns and finger guns and all fun, y'know. He goes, "My point is, medical school entails the stress you never imagine you can handle... But what you're taking on right now? ALL the things you just listed off---and I know that's just the major things and that there are plenty of little things that you didn't mention in your ...rant...---are too much for even ME to handle. Are too much for a PROFESSIONAL to handle." Me: "But...I'm handling it like a boss ass bitch. I've got all of this under wraps and like I said, as soon as everyone else falls into line and does their parts, which they all obviously are needing my help on since they're all either coming to me or are lost without me, then all of my problems will be cleared up because I just now cleared up all of my major stressors." Then I go into rant mode and get excited, forgetting that my psych is already on the verge of an anxiety attack. Basically ranting about "BECAUSE YOU SEE I DID, X, X, AND X AND Y, Y, AND Y HAPPENED BECAUSE OF MY TAKING INITIATIVE WITH Z, Z, AND Z AND EVERYTHING IS FALLING RIGHT INTO PLACE DUE TO MY EXCELLENCE except like, you know, this chronic pain thing is a bitch, BUT I'M HANDLING THAT TOO BECAUSE I GOT ANOTHER MAJOR ANSWER I NEEDED and now I just need to follow through with that on Monday and then ALL IS WELL IN THE WORLD AND-" Total tangent mode, full on pacing his office, jumping on the couches like a fox, waving my hands, playing with my hair, laughing, spinning coz I'm excited and proud at how well I'm doing and suddenly.... I turn around.... My psych is literally face down on the floor, planking position, just... total defeat, slid out of his chair onto the floor kinda, RIP Drew. Lmao. I stopped mid-sentence and dropped my hands to my side and cocked my head like a puppy and blinked twice and approached him and slid down into a sitting position on top of my legs....and put my fingers on his neck to take his pulse. When I hear a grunt of "I'm not dead, I'm just taking a break from hurricane Killian, who is a category 10." I purse my lips and snicker. "I was born and raised in Florida. There's no such thing as a cate-" "KILLIAAAAAAANNNNNNNNN I AM GOING TO WALK OUT OF THIS OFFICE WITH MY ENTIRE HEAD OF BEAUTIFUL, LUSCIOUS FULL HEAD OF HAIR BALDING AND GREY. BE QUIET, LITTLE BALL OF CHAOS." I snicker a little more and start poking him. "Hey. Hey, Drew. Drew. We're wasting time. OH There was a breakthrough in neuroscience about mapping the active distraction versus passive distraction part of the brain so let's just induce some active distraction of our own since we don't have anything in pills to do that yet or anytime soon. That meaaaaaaaaaaans....." [long groan from Drew] "GAME TIME!!!!" Drew pushes himself up off the floor and sits cross legged opposite me and takes my face in his hands and goes, "No. You listen to me. I am naming you Kill Switch both in hopes that it will somehow slow you the fuck down and because your mind and your words and you, yourself move so fast and have so much energy and so much drive that you just shut everyone else down around you because no one can keep up. Hell, /I/ can barely keep up. Not bragging, but I can keep up with almost anything. That being said..." He literally squishes my cheeks together and gets up close and personal and I'm trying to suppress laughter at this point and trying not to grab his wrists to pry him off of me coz he was in serious mode now and I am almost never serious anymore unless I'm being a drama whore and having a bad day and need attention and writing about it everywhere in rants about what bad, awful thing happened and how I need everyone's support and way more attention than usual (which isn't a lie, but it's still just me being a drama whore) AND HE KNOWS THIS....but when we first met, he DID say "Under all the jokes and puns and that...that thing you do [finger guns] and all the running around and smiling and laughing... You seriously have some intense pain. I mean, I have never felt that kinda pain radiating off of someone before. You're coming back to see me again, right?" I played it off like it was nothing, but then went out to my car and cried coz he couldn't be more right and no one knows or notices that all of that is just a facade for the pain. (Or if they do notice, which is highly unlikely, then they definitely don't care.) He squished my cheeks together and got up close and person and practically put his forehead against mine so that our eyes were literally locked and I COULD NOT look away even if I wanted to. That's the first time I noticed his eyes were green. He spoke very quietly, which is not in EITHER of our nature. We are both very loud and very up-front, blunt, confident, pretty ridiculous people. The loud part is important because he was speaking quietly which never happens. If I speak quietly? Run. So that's when I stopped laughing...and also WHY I stopped laughing and swallowed instead and looked him in the eyes and DID NOT blink. "The amount of things you are taking on right now... in addition to everything else... is a cocktail for being institutionalized. Or, at the BARE minimum, hospitalization." He paused for a moment to let me take that in, because we both knew the implication of it. The last ward I was in...the psych found out the pattern of my 20+ other institutionalizations and how I was playing the system and my "ward persona" and had a whole report written up that is now in my record stating that all of the times I had been recommended for permanent state ward transferal that had been shot down by my lying and manipulation via the "ward persona" I put on to work the system and get out as quickly as possible... should be dealt with and taken seriously and gone through with the next time I was institutionalized. It's in my record. We've both read the report. We both know the next time I get institutionalized will be my last... I will be sent to a state ward and I will never get out or at least not get out in a very, VERY long time and I will be a hollow shell of the amazing, driven, passionate person with an actually attainable dream I have turned myself into if that were to happen. So I just...took a moment.. and swallowed and averted my gaze and pulled away from him and tried to laugh it off. "Leonard." He hates it when I call him by his full name. I go into my signature pose and smirk at him, eyes glinting with playfulness. "I am a boss as bitch and I am handling all of this better than I handled by entire life. I have learned and implemented more actually healthy coping mechanisms in the past...almost a year now... than I have ever even tried in my 8 years in therapy and pretty much LIVING in and out psych wards. I've got this. You know I've got this. And even if YOU don't know I've got this... /I/ know I've got this. And as long as I have faith in myself, I am unstoppable." I raise my arms like I am the christian/catholic god him or herself and look up to the sky, close my eyes and smile, then back down to him, eyes open, locked, focused, driven, and dazzling with utter passion as the most genuine and sadistic of smiles crosses my lips. Drew sighs, cups his chin in one hand and leans his arm on his knee, both of us still on the floor, and he smiles back, the warmth of it spreading even into his eyes. I lower my arms and cross them and shrug. "All that matters is what I think and as long as I'm pragmatic about it, it's all uphill from here." Drew just shakes his head, eyes closed now, but warm smile spreading wider on his face before he starts chuckling and looks at me again, tears at the corners of his eyes. "You are like the one roller coaster ride that every kid wants to ride when they're little but are too scared to do it but get dared to by their friends and they all end up riding it anyways and all of them end up practically traumatized from the fear of it until they get off and wander back out into the park and catch their breath. ....and then they turn to each other and suddenly all scream at once that they wanna ride it again and run right back into the line for the same terrifying roller coaster that just almost traumatized them permanently." "You always have the worst metaphors, you know that?" He starts laughing. "And you gave me a literal anxiety attack and I'm guessing you didn't even know it until just now so I get a free pass on my horrible metaphors." He pulls himself up and then helps me up off the ground and I fall back into the couch and he collapses back into the chair. We're silent for a sec which is VERY rare. Then I look at him and go "Did I SERIOUSLY give you an anxiety attack?" He didn't even hesitate. "YES!!!!!" practically pulling himself out of the chair, laughing, but being totally serious. I purse my lips. ".....yikes." Another rare pause as he settles himself back into his chair and sighs, shaking his head. "What exactly did I do to give you an anxiety attack?" He stares at me in disbelief. "...Well, I guess this guy that diagnosed you as a sociopath was pretty spot on." He smiles at me and thinks for a second, holding up one finger. I hate it when he pauses to think because everything comes so quickly for me and I pause for nothing and when things are slow and/or stagnant, I feel this weird bubbly feeling in my chest and my throat feels like it is closing up and everything gets hot and I start clawing at myself and it's really awful because NO ONE is ever going as fast as me in mind, body, and DEFINITELY not as articulately as I do with my words when I go into rant/tirade/monologue/speech mode. No one can EVER keep up with me.... ever. "Killian. I'm gonna give you some resources on anxiety coz I know you have been asking for them and I managed to compile some and now I see you REALLY need them coz I know you HAVE the ability to comprehend it, but you're going to need a lot of help to do so. I see you putting in the effort every session that we talk about it... but you're still not grasping it. So I've compiled some more, uh...easy-to-learn resources for you on it." He reaches in his drawer with papers and sticky notes and hands it to me. I skim through it while he says; "Oh, and by the way? All of the things you listed? All the things you're taking on? All of those leadership roles you're playing right now in your personal, professional, and every other life you have...? All the... Okay, I can't. I cannot go over all the things because I'm going to stress MYSELF out. So..." I look up from the papers. "THAT is what gave me an anxiety attack. Luckily, I can easily control mine, but I am exhausted just by LISTENING to everything you're doing right now. I don't know how you're still standing alert and energetic and driven and passionate after all the times you've been knocked down so far....and after everything you've gone through... and with ALL of these things you're taking on? You need to............ you need to do EXACTLY what your physical therapist said, only for your MIND, not just your body and..." "...no..." "Slow..." "...don't..." "...DOWN..." "...GOD FUCKING DAMNIT, DREW. IS2G, I'M GONNA-" And that's possibly the most serious therapy session I have had in a long time and it was also possible the hardest in a long time. And I crossed a thing off my bucket lisst that I didn't know was on my bucket list and didn't even want to be on my bucket list. There is the story of how I gave my psych an anxiety attack. ***Story is obvs not verbatim because I do not have an eidetic memory. But this is p much exactly what happened and I’m not exaggerating in the slightest because we are both VERY dramatic people...which is probably why we get along so well....Lmao.