#oh constantly hiding a core part of myself affects my interactions with people

[lilgynt]

i’m fine not being out most of the time like genuinely does not bother me to interact with people who see me as a cis woman but interacting with a trans woman who knows i’m a trans man and like GETS it my god fucking breath of relief did NOT realize how fucking nice it is might chase that feeling the rest of my life

[feynavaley]

What do you think about the slavic siblings? Their personalities and relations to each other?

Wow, that’s one loaded question! 😅 I’ll try to answer, but I’m not sure I’ll be able to in a satisfactory way.

First of all, a premise: like I have said in regard to other characters, the Slavic siblings aren’t among my favourite characters so I don’t have such a solid and well-analysed characterization for them as I do for others (chiefly, the FACE family members). Moreover, they’re quite complex characters and they appear a lot in canon which means that, without focusing specifically on them, it’s easy for me to have missed something. Nevertheless, I can try to give a brief answer (just touching what I think are some core aspects of their personalities) to the best of my abilities.

Ukraine

I’m starting with her because she sounds like the easiest one to pin down. She’s stabler than her siblings, at least. I see her as a woman who witnessed a lot of suffering during her childhood and had to mature quite fast because of it – but, instead of becoming jaded, she turned her suffering into empathy and compassion. Knowing so well what suffering means and how it can damage people, she does her best to always treat others with kindness and patience, to give them a chance to get better before writing them off as ‘bad people’. She has seen what violence does and she wants to break the cycle.

Her compassion makes her very motherly, too. Once she gets fond of people, she actively looks after them and their well-being. She’s the kind of person who is at her happiest when she sees the people around her happy. She thinks more about others than about herself – but not because she values herself little or because she has low self-esteem, it’s because she thrives in helping other people. She’s mostly happy with herself and wants to externalize this happiness, to see other people reach this level of satisfaction as well.

People can see her as weak because she isn’t loud, she has a tendency of being quite emotional, and she doesn’t assert herself unless it’s truly needed. She’s the kind of person who prefers to smooth things down instead of being stubborn. Yet, she can also be very firm when she wants to. In particular, I can see her being very protective of her family members.

Russia

Oh, where do I even start about him... he’s such a complex character that I really am not sure of how I see his characterization. I’ve seen many different takes and I found myself agreeing with and enjoying wildly different ones.

The thing about Russia is that I see him as a living, walking contradiction. The fandom is past the days when he was simply dismissed as ‘cruel’ or ‘evil’ and now tends to acknowledge his loneliness, the suffering he had to endure during childhood, and the wish he often expresses to get closer to other people. However, he also undeniably shows a cruel side at times. I can fully acknowledge that this may come from the fact he was subjected to so much violence that he ended up internalizing it as an acceptable way to behave, but this doesn’t change the facts. He doesn’t seem to care too much about hurting other people as long as he reaches his goal. I think both aspects of his character needs to be acknowledged. This duality is part of him.

The impression I ultimately got from Russia is that he’s an extremely self-serving person. He does care about other people, but only in relation to himself. If he’s nice to someone, it isn’t because he genuinely wants the well-being of that person but because he wants what that gesture brings to him: that person’s gratitude and potential friendship. I also think he can get to genuinely care about people (his family, for example) and, in this case, be upset if something happens to them because they are suffering and, conversely, try to make them happy not only because it would make them more well-disposed towards him but also because he just wants them to be. However, this is limited to a small circle of people. When anybody else is involved, I have the impression he just doesn’t care. Not that he would hurt them out of nowhere, but he wouldn’t see it as a problem if he needed to in order to get something he wanted. I don’t think he would enjoy it – but he wouldn’t regret it too much, either. Likewise, he wouldn’t stop to help them unless there was something in for him as well. It’s almost as if he didn’t actually have a sense of morality and of what’s wrong or right. He just takes what he wants and cares when he wants to. Almost like the way a child reasons.

Belarus

Belarus is another mystery, as far as I’m concerned. Like Russia, she seems to carry the scars of a harsh childhood. She’s determined and strong-willed, always working hard and doing her best to get what she wants, but also pessimistic and carrying frankness to the point of rudeness; she doesn’t seem to care at all about people outside from a few selected ones. Personally, I see this as the sign of a person who has suffered much and is trying to protect herself from further suffering by distancing herself from anything that could become a weakness. Moreover, I read her as one of those people who use the strength of will they developed to overcome their trials as a way to scorn people who didn’t manage to find the same strength. In other words, Belarus feels justified to hold in contempt ‘weaker’ people because by enduring what she did, she proved it’s possible to do so. Those who don’t manage just don’t try hard enough, in her opinion. They don’t deserve compassion. Just like her, they must bear their suffering alone. (This is why she’s always so blunt, too. She doesn’t see the point in softening the blow. If people can’t take the truth, they’re weaklings. They need to learn to do so.)

At the same time, Belarus isn’t a loner – from her interactions with Russia and briefly America, it almost looks like she needs to attach herself to somebody. And once she has found this person, her attachment and devotion reach unhealthy levels. Once again, this may be a result of her trauma. Maybe, having witnessed so much suffering makes her fear the same could happen to those few she cares about and she goes overboard trying to protect them. Or maybe, she feels lost without somebody ‘leading’ her. She spends so much energy building a wall around herself (to protect herself) that she has never had the time to figure out who she wants to be. She ends up dedicating herself fully to somebody because without that, she’d be nothing. She needs external validation and inputs to thrive. It may also be something else, or a mixture of things. As I said, Belarus is a character I have an extremely hard time pinning down.

The Three Siblings

Regarding the interactions of those three siblings as family, instead, I have to say that their familial unit looks almost healthier than the single individuals as it’s somehow adjusted around their flaws.

The one who brings everybody together is Ukraine. As I have already said, her big heart and maternal tendencies mean that she cares immensely for her siblings. She’s able to excuse their flaws because she sees where they come from and at the same time, she genuinely loves them. She wants the best for them; to see them thrive and at the same time, to be part of their lives. She’s the one who constantly checks on everybody and keeps suggesting they hang out together. She’s extremely protective if somebody hurts them, too.

Russia loves Ukraine deeply, of course. How could he not, when she offers him exactly what he yearns the most, affection and warmth? But it isn’t only this. I think Ukraine belongs to those few people Russia genuinely cares about. He mostly lets her do her own thing because he knows she’s capable enough, but he’s also very protective of her. Hurt Ukraine, and you’re dead. No questions asked.

Belarus cares for Ukraine just as much. She also often criticizes her sister, though. Ukraine is one of those people Belarus would consider ‘too weak’ due to her soft-hearted nature. However, Belarus also knows Ukraine too well to dismiss the strength her sister hides behind her kind nature. Belarus begrudgingly respects Ukraine. Moreover, for how much she doesn’t like to admit it, even Belarus is touched by how much Ukraine cares for her and treasures it deeply. Belarus is also very protective of Ukraine and may even be willing to behave a bit better if her sister is present.

In regard to the relationship between Russia and Belarus, instead... Two people with such baggage aren’t a good starting point for a healthy relationship. If we look at canon, the one between them isn’t.

Now, I want to spend a few words on Belarus’s ‘obsession’ towards Russia. I think her attachment stems from both the familial bond they have and her admiration for Russia’s strength; with her bleak outlook, she wants to associate with strong people. And, as I’ve said before, completely devote herself to him. About the ‘marriage’ thing, though – personally, I don’t think there’s a romantic feeling involved. The way I see it, what nations call ‘marriage’ isn’t actually a wedding but a mere political union, a contract. One that grants a personification some rights over another one, basically. There’s nothing about it that is like a human wedding, it’s mutually understood that no kind of feelings (or romantic/sexual relationship between the two parts) is involved. This is why even blood-related siblings can ‘marry’. So, Belarus wants to ‘marry’ Russia because this would be the best way to serve and protect him – both by being always by his side and by ‘rescuing’ him from other unions that could not be as favourable for Russia. Of course, she goes about it completely the wrong way, but all Belarus wants is to protect Russia and to be acknowledged by him as his ally and useful subject.

We know from canon, however, that Russia doesn’t answer well to Belarus’s obsession. He’s creeped out and annoyed by her. Still, I don’t think he hates her. He’s almost like an older sibling who doesn’t have patience for the younger ones. But deep down, he still cares for Belarus because she’s his – his sister and his family. He probably doesn’t enjoy Belarus’s company as much as he enjoys Ukraine’s, but that’s because of the way she behaves. If Belarus were a bit less obsessive, Russia would tolerate her better. He also isn’t so overtly protective of Belarus as he is of Ukraine, but this is because Belarus is more than capable of defending herself (and unlike Ukraine, she doesn’t let anything slide). I think that if somebody ended up actually hurting Belarus, Russia would react just as bad.

...

All these are just my impressions, though. And they might not even be all canon-compliant as I may have missed something. I still hope they make sense! But if you want to explore the slavic siblings, I’d recommend you to have a look at @chessna2, she’s certainly more expert about them than I am!

[sporadicpatternsmasher-blog]

folded ontology...

There's consequences in all we say and do Go forward and walk your walk and I'll go ahead and talk my talk Quite distraught due to the fact that you're too good to be true I know that the Lord of Accord will be following me like my shimmering shadow wherever I walk I will walk and walk And I will talk my talk I will practice what I preach To the pupils, I will teach Pensive propositions is my speech's mission Honor and think through Constructive criticism Cleverly-written composition begin to slightly transition Take correction not for granite...with optimism that is symmetrical like a puny prism Free-spirited I long to be With you as long as I thrive to wondrously live I want to flee and be set free Let go and have consideration to generously give Be anxious for nothing Love all and do your thang God's spirit is available to us 24/7 I always make my way to 7-eleven Doing away with the latter days of my lament Live in the present of yesterday's tomorrow My mind constantly whirls around like a hurricane near the beach and tornado in the east side of the United States - my mind is cozy in God's tent Repenting slowly, but surely until sorrow is a healing scar that flies away in recovery like a splendid, spunky sparrow Hooking up problems I need to fix At least I don't receive a million kiks Tweet me, Facebook me, tumblr me...insta me...younow me... But I'll still be lonely as can be Fruit of the spirit drives me to drift away from deception's flow that's broad and deceiving Faithful and loyal with dignity and positivity is what I crave in my character of behave-and-be-brave... Self-control braces itself upon my inner being and I accept it kindly Patience paints a picture of peace in the frame of my mind silently Human nature Is enmity to God that is evil and impure It leads to death I'm sure God's way - the way of life at least in my humble opinion, which will be a fact in the near future It's okay to be different It's alright to be working on perfection As long as you repent For all the downfalls and sins we've committed that gave you inner infection Reveal to me His spirit and the life it produces fruitfully Zealous is the sun that shines upon me oh so dutifully Gracious be to the sons and daughters of Him who has made the world so beautifully Until Satan tainted it with sinister avarice and insidious, chaotic catastrophe Quit your disputes and quarrels and arguing alike Stop trolling people on the net...or you'll have something to regret Listen to instruction Accept correction You choose destruction or construction Do you want His amazing affection or His raging rejection!!? Foundation of faithfulness Goes to the called ones in God's family alone and He is the Father we look upon Obliteration of misery's mess Come on and follow me...I will be your responsible leader from now on I want knowledge from God From on high, not down below in Satan's Despising Nature People just ignore and nod Approach people in the nicest way and react, act and think good thoughts and good actions and interactions that are grown-up and mature Need I proclaim my beliefs to all the world, Lord? Should I explain myself constantly? What's my award? Reward? What if I commit sins that I can't afford? I hoard shame in my brain basement, but you played skillfully on the I-forgive-you keyboard There's a reason behind what God does Do not remain blind or deaf The spirit of stupor is splendid to my human nature....and its faithless flaws I don't understand your plate's creativity, my chill chef God selects His special chosen one He sees the nature and character of each and everyone He is the guide to everlasting life that's full of blessings and miracles But, my life is full of depression dungeons and mysterious black holes Eat Christ's flesh and drink His blood of His Father's Wise Sayings and Life-giving Word You must abstain from lusts of your gullible, heartless hearts and your prayers will be heard If you don't believe and betray Him for life, Your life will end in jaded death and strife I wish I can declare His Word to all nations But I get nervous and soft-spoken beyond frustrations and heightened hesitations I'm awkward... Why was I called in His church? Am I a bird that has nowhere to truly rest and perch? Predicaments in double trouble dilemmas substantially produce like cells in the body Free me, heal thee, I die for you to live...I live for you to die...your hard heart makes my softness wither with everybody Wide and broad are the path of many in this world of woe...and no one fully knows why Difficulty be to the few who choose the narrow route that leads to constructive criticism by Lotd Most High Once saved, always saved - A belief originated in Christianity I beg to differ - His saving grace has waved Its effortless goodbye to Human's Atrocity Labor in prayer, don't swelter Work in love, sweat off hate and swear not Be a giver, not a getter Resist the urge to sin and persevere always, even in the darkness we rot Discipline yourself Through enduring self-control Unlearn Satan's nature, as small as an elf Compared to God's Giant Word that is a life tool to be rid of the fool inside us as a whole Doing evil will have its aftershocks sting us like a viper It will shoot us down, so bite the bullet of the serpent's sniper I pray that I live in sanctuary city for the time being I envy the happy-go-lucky and dislike what I'm seeing Drinking in the Lord's yoke, Mixed with the Words He spoke You bind me with a biggo blind fold Your spirit's intention is to simply scold Faithful Moses parted the Red Sea Miracles and curses shelter thee I never knew that my life was of significance Until I noticed that everyone is living in ignorance Except the called ones... Faith that weigh a trillion tons Thank God for everything good His word is a nourishing food Emerge from the scorching coals and ice fire of your existence Transform yourself before you remain in ashes' realm...seek repentance The good news of the Kingdom of God is ringing in my ears Wondering when it will be that day of awesome forever years I will walk and walk And I will talk my talk I will practice what I preach To the pupils, I will teach Fret not the desires on fire and the passionate petitions of your young heart Do not worship other gods before Him - Frey will fade away from the start The gods of the east have come to get their revenge towards the gods of the east The battle between them is beast...it's like enjoying a feast of chaos and commotion and peace and emotion...but their attitudes puff up like the bread ingredients that includes yeast Inspired by (Matt. 7:13), (Matt. 11:29) and (Hebrews 11:24)

Imagine we live in an eco-normative story

of competing for wealth-commodities, cash piled in quantifiable currencies, collectively blinded to our Win-Win natural economic, ecological, psychological, biological health and well-being value roots. One day, our Permacultural Received View unveils a co-operatively synergetic evolution of positive health and articulation of mutual subsidiarity-- natural laws of economic and political and psychological and biological health and survival through thrival Permacultural Design, (and Taoist, and Buddhist, and JudeoChristian, and Islamic, and UU, and Sikh, and Hindu, with Ecological Wealth objectives defining spiritual principles, procedures, ethics laws of co-operative solidarity, co-passionate peace with ecojustice for all, mutually subsidiary freedoms to live full healthy lives balanced with freedom from dying deadly unhealthy deaths. Oh, yes! this feels familiar somehow. This appositionally poignant permaculture spectrum originates with the emptiness of winter's purgation, death, to evolve bio-systemically toward, to incarnate as to inform, to revolve full cycle to incorporate the opposite end of life's spectrum, not mere half-assed egocentric and anthrocentric competitive life, but fully sustainable health and well-being wealth from now through our grandchildren's grandchildren, and all their several cousins of diversely rainbowed and sensually intelligent holonic RNA/DNA-encrypted encrypting, predicting, forms with functional memory eco-logical species, bio-logic information processor systems, bicamerally fully conscious. We reverse our Left-brain dominant economic overshoot! Yeah us! As our cognitive disconnection from our own permacultural story evaporates, this confusion about measuring wealth with money rather than with sustainable, ecological health, about-faces toward inclusively co-operative survival of the most synergetically interdependent systems, evolving, positive deviant psychologizing new economizing healthy wealth, rather than BusinessAsUsual industry, pursuing toxic short-term Win-Lose evolutionary designs and plans for exponential development; collective worship of Left-brain dominant Ego-theism rather than continuing our pilgrimage toward Left-Right bicameral mutual governing equivalence values following a nutritional thrival trail back to our Original Big Bang ProGenitor, TransParent Pre-Temporal Timing of our Elder Right lens back through nutritional enculturing transparently binomial, time's core spinal prime-fold, erupting solid massively dense formation out informing polyculturing functions, flow streams, frequency intervals fractal seasonal revolving rhythms of radiantly Bi(0)-versive Exodus of Love's enlightening Time. When we choose healthy co-operative survival optimization by starving competition to accumulate wealth deposits, we will address stealth impoverishment, now feverishly hiding within un-consciousness of economically and politically and ecologically violating Golden Rules that advocate health and sustainable hope for all Earth's Grandchildren; the pan-ultimate measure of a culture's true wealth is its mutually balanced positive through double-negative nutritional feedback loops, seeking our Zero-Sum Co-Operatively Healthy Win-Win Eco-Normic Game Plan. Polynomial Power sustainably optimizes where monomial center trends toward Universal Co-Passion, healthy fulsome fusing flows and frequently reiterated functional patterns of HereNow TransParent Bicameral Consciousness, Ego as SoleSubject greets and mutually bows toward Eco-Logical WeSelf-as-SuperEco's Objective, Correlational, Co-incident, Bi-Nomially Permaculturally Balancing Time's 3-dimensional bodymind Space, Place, Pace of unfolding polyculturing Beloved Community Memory and ReDevelopment. PermaCulturists, like messianic shamans of all times and cultures, steward natural systems with a mutual-mentoring premise. Our Host Environment, EcoSystem, is both our Subject in the present moment and our Objective reconnecting toward a shared cooperative future, inclusive of all endogenous natural systems, species, air and water flows, sun and shadow glows. This SuperEco ProGenitor Hosts and Teaches through Elder Memory synchronicity. First, permaculturing prophets and alchemists listen requiring the purgation of Ego- and Anthro- Dominance; recovering EcoCentrism confluent with all SpaceTime balance and harmonies, flows with positive and negative functions, ionic frequencies, ironic humors cognitive dissonance too often hiding psychological dynamics striving for comprehensively balanced Eco-Consciousness, Eco-Zero-Centrism and Balance, as EcoLogical BioJustice Economics and CoOperative Governance. Bicamerally Left-Right confluent con-science brings sustainable healthy wealth of RNA-rooted memory systems. Bicameral Binomial-Consciousness emerges as human nature's cooperative stewardship our co-mentoring vocation, Commons-space syntax shared with equal rights by all Earth's Natural Systems. EgoCentrism is eisegetically held as good and normal and appropriate only as long as AnthroCentrism remains Left-brain Dominant, continues economically incarnating through Win-Lose competitive assumptions rather than choosing permacultural models for EctoSymbiotic Polycultural Revolution. A Bodhisattva-Ego lives in cooperative service with SuperEco, Universally Thermodynamic Balanced (0)-Centric, 4-Prime Dimensional, bio- and eco-logical, caretaker and metric "PlaceHolder" Polyculturist within Earth's RNA-syntax Tribes, encultured fractal (0)-sum economically cooperative souls, blossom Beloved Economic Community in full "Climax", incarnating integrative positive trending economic development, as transmillennial revolution away from pursuing wealth, toward co-operative health as our ecological paradigm for dialogical and economically sustainable re-exodus toward wealth optimization with equivalent creative freedom for all, in Beloved co-passionate peace.

Copyright © Gerald Dillenbeck | Year Posted 2015

Long poem by

Gerald Dillenbeck

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Details

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Revolutionary Story

They called their gang The ReVolutionaries, my Father Sun and Mother Earth drew time with them, but they often called themselves Yang and YinYin, respectively and mutually respectful yet privately erotic, not so much politically and economically where Yang could not fit in for rabid competition and YinYin could not alone float her dipolar WinWin health-care priority boat. Where was I in my Creation Geneology, YinYin? Once again you did not get past much of a preliminary introduction, without me, Sugar Daddy Yang. Oh yes, Father Sun and Mother Earth got together co-gravitationally, first creating a nondual revolution out of spacetime's co-arising and revolving implied-fractal-seasoned syntax, natural systemic order of healthy evolution, as not-not pathologically dual-dark devolution, probably too much Yin-recessive in this Yang-dominant Creation Story. Even so, Father Sun with Mother Earth revolved their bilateral health potential. Then, next time you know, here you are, bangin around with too-dominant Left-brained Yang, slippin' in some wise ol' tough love, stirrin' up your Owl with your Moose Medicine for stronger regenerative tissue issues, still struggling between SunPowerLens and EarthFlowLens, primally RNA-balanced informating regenerative health and therapy relationship re-issues articulating as bicamerally climatic neural-temporal boundary tissue, or is it the other way? So confusing all this time travel appositional and dialectical health language, like RNA, pointing toward your lovely and always mindful DiPolar EcoPresence as HereNow Time in self-refining, reiteratively flowing, spring of love's rich nutritional water and incarnate soil, soul mating Heaven's fire warm photosynthetic transformational co-redemptively climaxing air of sweeping surfing elating Time's Full ReGenerate Occupation, living still within our TransParent Elders, of which we each share equal DNA/RNA neural-temporal regenerative-fractal Implicate-Concave Orders of rhythm and pattern and syntax, folding and unfolding, holonic-Holy Exegetical Syntax Scripture teleologizing enriching enculturing composting time's revolutionary health through TransParent CoOperating Golden Rule of Prime (0)-soul/soil, ego/eco, Interior/Exterior, Fractal PolyCultural Relationship. That's nice, Daddy Yang, having said all that, I'm wondering if I might add that as I most kindly remember, there are two sides to every Creation Story, one is Ego's Yang Exterior Universal view, while EcoOther YinYin echoes our Interior Landscape nondual co-arising love for empathic capacity as rich nutritional experience, co-elational syntax-voices of primal feeling and knowing Yang/Yin is healthier as LoseSome BusinessAsUsual to WinSome YinYin Tipping Point CoOperative Wisdom. Yet even this wu wei PostMillennial TaoZen Bicameral Hybrid Story is not the Fat Lady Death's Door final message you are fearing within YinYin's WinWin EcoRevolutionary 0-soul Creation Story of a bicamerally self-optimizing health and safety global network with local cooperative poli-economic communication guilds, nutrient 0-interest investment through implementation polycultural local ecosystemic-balancing glory, cooperating our WinWin Mutual PolyEnculturation Story. YinYin, namaste for your generous and kind-natured right-time reminder, to win dialogical Solitaire, not only does Yang Ego think therefore I Win, but nondual co-arising of Right-time's sequence and dialect syntaxed cards of Other cooperatively win this balancing fractal 4 spacetimed principle of steering co-gravitational positivity, implied predelivery doctors and progenitors of ReGenetic-Health Optimization Time, most sacred Positive BiCameral Psychology of more humane natural ecosystems, RNA-iconic as ionic, CoMessianic Cross with Tao-Time Universal Black full-diastatic and dipolar synaptic absorbs WhiteNoise Aptic EcoPresent TransParentcy, and vice versa with reverse-temporal imaging ecoconscious capacity. We are both GooeyRight and PricklyLeft more truly balanced as positive/negative deviant equity seekers, healthy optimizers ecotherapeutic lovers of peace with ecojustice, evolving an Ego/Eco Deductive/Inductive ConScience of BiNomial (0)-Centric 4D spacetime as our CoOperative Creation Story. Group Theory's Zero-bilateral symmetrical implied dipolar function as bilinear double-bound soul could be RealTime expressed: fold, unfold, refold, pregenitive full-4 revolutionary closure Byte-Fold Balance, inside-double-negative with outside double-boundaried dynamically revolving, waving-linear Tao-sign, principle of thermodynamic balancing dipolarity. PolyNomial ++ evolves WinWin equivalent to LoseLose (--) NotNot PolyNomial 4D spacetime prime 0-centric Origin Point of Language and Scripture toward future's (0)Mega Point Bicameral Creation Story as EcoPresent Now, our timeless invitation into full healthy love, life as co-empathic bicameral love-positive, restrained only by its absence, cognitive-affective neural informating health/pathology-dissonance, heading toward climatic long-term TransMillennial effects of chronic stress, sleep deprivation, overly competitive ecosystems of all paradigmatic and polymorphic varieties, and crappy nightmare claustrophobic death and dying dreams. Yang space flows through YinYin Time's Light as Time's syntaxed memory folds and unfolds, refolds and prefolds revolutionary ecosystemic transitions, emerging Full-PolyCultural Diastatically Elational Climaxing Beloved PolyPathic BiCameral Communicating Interior Landscaped LoveNow-EcoTherapySpace. Was that my Fat Lady YinYin? Now you know I am just right for you; you're the one getting too hefty for your own internal and external balancing capacity. Maybe I need more exercise. Maybe you need to get off me, and help me paddle... Did I say "paddle"? Yes, love I know, you mean to flow your Revolution Creation Story right through PostMillennial cooperative enculturation