#oh boy oh boy that meme 'you should be addicted to shutting up' is about me

[silence-between-seconds]

OK NOW YOUR TURN

pls pls ramble abt any niche interest you have

HELLO THANK YOU

*invokes inner history nerd* so. listen here colonizer and listen good. i will subject you to my random knowledge cuz due to youtube, undiagnosed neurodivergency and most importantly- bad jokes. i have a vari-tea of niche interests but the first thing that came to my mind was my knowledge of the history of how Indians became one of The Top Consumers of Tea.

how did this wonder-drug make its way into our masala covered hearts? what led to the fact that everyday at 4pm the word at the tip of most indians' tongues is "chai"?this is my thesis as a pro desi tea obsessed freak.

This story, like most in our history, starts with the arrival of the British. i would like to insert this picture i found in a video that i laughed at for a solid five minutes:

anyway

technically tea was invented in china, and for a very long time it was exclusively grown there. it was a very high class commodi-tea. it was considered so precious that in 1662 when king charles the second married the Portuguese princess catherine of braganza: her dowry was a chest of tea and THE ENTIRE ISLAND OF MUMBAI (then, bombay) for an annual lease of 10 pounds. let me make that clearer. THE PLACE WHERE A 1BHK HOUSE IS SO EXPENSIVE MOST PPL CANT AFFORD WAS EQUIVALENT TO THIS:

needless to say the brits was so freaking addicted man. they wanted this. so bad.

By the 18th centuary there was a war between the english and the dutch and the brit resources were down the toilet so they couldnt afford to spend all that silver on the trade of tea leaves with china. and china was uninterested in anything the white boys were offering.

UNTIL they discovered something china wanted.

✨Drugs✨

the white boys wanted that tea. and they would do anything. so they started growing opium in india (by that time they had colonized us bruh. they came into our backyard and were like "bro we're such good friends pretty please let me use ur backyard" "ok what do you want to do w it?" "i wanna grow drugs bro" "....ok" "you'll work for me no bro?" "why would i do that" "bro its ur backyard bro" "what-" *england pulls out slavery* "SHUT UP AND DO IT") (dont come at me lmao this is a very rough simplification of what happened)(imma get blocked for this?)

anyway, brits grew opium and smuggled it to china in return for TEA. FOR TEA. 40.

now after the charter act of 1833 (idk what that is exactly but basically brits lost its trade monopoly with china and so now china said we should see other people and it was an open relationship and britian got very pissed but they signed the act anyway i think)

to deal with this they established the Tea Committee (this isnt the first government board specifically for tea. there were plen-tea of others like the Tea Board Of India) which dealt w the extraction of techniques, tea seads and resources from the chinese. this was highly unsuccessful and china was not impressed. this is an example of british desperation they'll do anything at this point. (took everything in me to not insert pictures of how they treated indian farmers. it was *inhales, lets go of anger for my ancestors treatment* bad)

but in the end this qoute i found (undoubtedly by a white man) "fortune favours the white men" came tru and they got their way.

oh you thought i was done? haha babygurl i am not

in 1843 robert fortune, who was a scottish horticulturist, went on a solo trip to china to study (read as: steal) tea plantations. no actually apparently he did study cuz he published a book(i forgot the name).(yes. HIS NAME WAS ROB. FORTUNE. talk about being born for a job)

lemme insert a quick meme here:

(they actually hired him on the spot and gave the amazed man 500 pounds per annum and sent him off to china)

he was to perform what we call The Great British Tea Heist the brits had found their vigilan-tea

my guy was committed to his role and shaved his head and pretended to be a monk and after 3 months wrote a letter to his company saying "bro i got the goodssss"

lmao no this it what the letter said- "l have much pleasure in informing you," he wrote, "that I have procured a large supply of seeds and young plants which l trust will get safely to India."

NOW they finally had the greens and started planting it in india. over the years indian tea topped the market in britian as the best tea. mostly cuz the white boyz HYPED it up. they even started doing diss tracks for chinese tea. this is something read right out of an advertisment- "indian teas are more wholesome, purer, cheaper and better than chinese teas in every single way". white boyz started saying stuff like they got out of a toxic realtionship with china and a healthy one with india (but they were the toxic ones)

now brits tried to globalize indian tea to get the moneyyy~ from indians.

their first experiment with (another) government body for tea- Indian Tea Association began on the indian railways. these railways were the ancestor of the IRC-tea-C. basically they started making tea on the railway platforms. this started the trend of tea being the signature experience on every indian train journey, from the first class to economy, everyone was having it (cuz trains were introduced and quickly became popular in use). train tea was said to be better than the quality of tea in 5 star hotels. and this converted us from a nation of tea-totalers to teach addcits.

now i just have one thing to say in the end. HOW did the quality decline so badly my desi brothers and sisters? nowadays the tea on trains is basically water but brown. milk is a lie.

anyway. on the end we got it right. we took tea from the chinese and brits and we added milk and we added sugar and we got:

✨chai✨

you have reached the end. congrats.

[of-dream-land]

For this post ... If you haven't been asked yet, Magolor ~

YESSSSS omg this is perfect bc i have a LOT of hcs about magolor

attraction headcanon: i see him as pansexual !! leaning maybe a little more towards guys though

gender headcanon: i think he just doesn't rly care about that. like he says he's a guy out of convenience but i don't think he cares or thinks about that too hard

a ship i have with this character: oh boy. oh MAN. i have quite a few ships with magolor LOL so ill just go through all of them and explain my reasoning behind them i guess?

magoranza: GRAHHHHH.... i love them a lot. i think its my number one ship w him. i like to think that its smth that happens very gradually too. maybe they don't really like each other at first/find the other a little annoying but then eventually they get closer and catch feelings idk.... i like to imagine them as part of the same best friend group (w marx and susie too) so they get to spend more time that way since theyre together more often. also i just think they contrast each other nicely!! like ally who turns out to be an antagonist + antagonist who turns out to be an ally....auauauau

magochilly: THEY'RE VERY CUTE...!! its a little particular tho bc i dont necessarily like/agree w the way it was portrayed in the manga (making magolor this obsessive over chilly is very weird and creepy) but i think the fandom version of magochilly is adorable so im choosing to make my own too. i kinda just see them as magolor being all loud and open abt his love for chilly and chilly just being a little shy abt it but reciprocating when its just the two of them bc hes not used to pda and all... idk!! its very sweet to me

magoroach: so like. this one kind of started as a joke LMAO,,, the little animation scene in the main menu of star allies where daroach steals the lor and magolor runs after him kind of defined their entire relationship to me ngl LOL. like, magolor is a snarky piece of shit but daroach is someone an even BIGGER snarky piece of shit and i think thats smth magolor doesnt expect so he gets riled up p easily by him. i dont rly ship it that seriously tho i mostly see it as like,, smth they just Have eventually but its never that serious

magometa(?)/metalor(?): i dont know the ship name but LMKSDJJSDKL THIS SHIP IS FUNNY TO ME bc i already have a hc that meta knight fucking HATES magolor after the events of krtdl, so their rs to me is basically just the "you should be addicted to shutting the fuck up" "you wanna fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid" meme. again more of a joke ship that i plan on making very specific fanart of eventually but i dont rly ship it that seriously

thats all for the ships. ahem. back to normal business

a brotp i have with this character: MARX!!!!! i think marx and magolor are best friends but in the way that they can't stand each other. they hate each other but they're always together. they enable each other. they bring out the worst in one another. if one of them died the other probably wouldn't care. they complete each other they start shit together they-- YOU GET ME. i love them. best worsties. worst besties. etc etc. i could talk abt their dynamic all day they mean so much to me

a notp i have with this character: m*rxolor im sorryyy (censoring so it doesnt end up in research tags)... there's nothing wrong w the ship! it's just not my cup of tea bc i see their rs as strictly platonic. also obvious one but him and kirby bc kirby is a child and i hc magolor to be a young adult so.

a random headcanon: i like to imagine that magolor has more cat-like attributes that arent just shown on his appearance. like he probably has a cat tree in the lor that he just uses for fun. he reacts to lasers the same way cats do. he probably purrs idk? if u dangle smth in front of him he'll stop what he's doing to catch it

general opinion of this character: I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM SO MUCHHHHHH he might be my current fav character of all times :] he's so fun and cringe (lovingly) and loveable!!! he makes me very happy. i could talk abt him for hours i could draw him for hours i could watch video essays abt him and abt kirby's return to dream land for hours too he is my everything my little meow meow my nyagolor (heart emoji) (heart emoji) (egg emoji) (gear emoji) (cat emo

[theribthatgrewback]

9, 11 and 13 :3

(ask game)

I assume you mostly want JtHM takes so I'll focus on those but since you didn't specify fandom I'll chuck in a couple others I feel strongly about if that's ok!

9. Worst part of canon

Johnny the Homicidal Maniac: This is tough, because I really like how everything was handled in the main story. I guess I personally found the doughboys slightly annoying, but at the same time, they served a crucial narrative purpose, so I really can't complain. Every (subjectively) """bad""" part of canon had a reason for being there, so I like every part for what it is. HOWEVER, if we're counting the spinoffs and the little "meanwhile" inserts, I really hated the like... vomit-porn aside thing in Squee. Though I guess hating it was the whole point, so like. mission accomplished? Also I don't really get Noodle Boy.

Adventure Time: Jake should have stayed blue. Explained here. I wrote the submission, hi.

Futurama: Multiple episodes. Neutopia weirdly ramped up everybody's misogyny beyond what's in-character in order to serve the "sexism is bad but gender is still part of the human experience and there will always be conflict" plot (which also is a weird gender-essentialism plotline anyway because like. The Fact That Gender Exists should not equal Conflict). Unnecessarily mean. Like I can see Bender doing that shit but there's no way that Farnsworth thinks that way. Unrelated to that one, Attack of the Killer App (origin of the "shut up and take my money" meme) leaned needlessly hard into gross-out humor. It just didn't fit the tone of the rest of the show.

Actually I'll be here all day if I list all my grievances so I'll cut this segment here.

11. Number of fandom-related words you've filtered

There's a lot of duplicates for The Same Thing Written Different Ways but if I count those as the same thing, 4. Across all fandoms. Though this blog hasn't been around long so this will probably expand in the future.

13. Worst blorbofication

(interpreting this as "wildly out of character to serve the 'comfort' of the person writing about them") Oh baby. I come from roleplay communities. I've seen shit that would make you sick. I've seen somebody play Fern (Adventure Time) Prismo (Adventure Time) and Kevin (Ben 10) all with the exact same personality. I've seen somebody Else who takes LITERALLY over 200 characters (in "no doubles" type places so now nobody else can use those characters), and also makes them all exactly the same... except for the added detail that This person talks like if a wiki page could make fart jokes. (Side note: I think that person also pretended to be three different people. Like there were three separate accounts with different names who all talked to each other, but they all wrote exactly the same way. And with exactly the same fart jokes. And they usually showed up at exactly the same time.) THE ONE SAVING GRACE of all this is that JtHM is obscure enough that I never saw Other People RP it in multifandom spaces, so it was spared this treatment. I have seen glimpses of how the fandom acts on tumblr though so:

JtHM: Nny. I really think Nny gets the worst of it. In canon, he's a very unlikeable person. That's part of why he's so interesting! He tries really hard to be nice to certain people, like to Squee, but he fails every time. He traumatizes that kid. He abuses animals. He's fatphobic. He blames addicts for their addictions. He trivializes the fight against racism (in a brief aside line at the cafe). He's all kinds of messy, awful things, and it's fascinating. It makes you want to pry his brain open and study him. Yet so much of the fanstuff you see of him files down his bad edges and just makes him "funny murder guy" at the cost of the nuances of his personality (this happened to Patrick Bateman too, as an aside). People are scared to confront that he's kind of a piece of shit, just because he's the Cool Protagonist.

[onewhodiedyoung]

I was tagged by @rhymaes for a 2020 creator meme :)) thank you!!! this was a nice thing to reflect on! <3

rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (or so) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

1) o come, let us adore him (42k, hp) huh... linking this because although scorpius/albus are not really my ship in the sense that i don’t much care for the new generation and haven’t read the cursed child nor intend to (this is SO NOT cursed child compliant) and although I feel weird about hp in general lately (just shut up already, jk!), it was one of the most spontaneous things I wrote in 2020 (a christmas fic in april...? that’s how bad covid hit me, i guess) and it just, makes me laugh. Like, I open it now, read a few lines, and laugh. Which is maybe an arrogant thing to say but Diana Wynne Jones (the QUEEN) said she would make herself laugh when writing Howl’s Moving Castle (which, this story is NOT anywhere near that level, obviously) and it didn’t seem arrogant, it just sounded like fun. So, this was fun <3 I write comedy rarely and my sense of humor is basically ‘well now i’ll mention something random like a tap-dancing penguin’ but I needed this in 2020 and so it happened. Also it’s epistolary and all i care about in life are romances through letters, actually

2) posthumous -- the biography of a bone (6.5k, original fiction f/f story) this was never meant to be posted online, it was just a story i wrote for myself, but i thought, why not? I’m happy i wrote it because I needed to write it to process........... it’s about the radium girls, my biggest historical obsession of 2020. I read the books, i read the poems, i listened to that song about them, watched a million videos. There is not a person I talked to in 2020 that hasn’t heard about the radium girls. I don’t know why of all the instances of injustice it’s this one that hits me the most but it does and i will never be over it so here’s a romance about two girls which i hope is not in bad taste (i cried writing it :’‘‘))

3) what i’m made for has always been you (3.5k, IT) I’m not sure if this is actually my favorite IT fanfic I’ve written but it has too many small moments that I was dying to write and I think that the way I wrote Richie in love in this most reflects how I myself think when I’m in love so *shrugs*

4) all the useless things (part one: 79k, the whole: 170k and going, m/m original fiction) this monster. this stupid monster that’s, like, 1/3 done? this stupid pseudo-dark-academia monster about art thieves that only exists because the Polish boarding school i almost went to and my brother later wanted to go to sucks which led to the discovery of just how much other boarding schools suck and so to another of my 2020 obsessions: research on how the education system in the uk is -- dare i say, royally? -- messed-up (I did know this before, but there’s knowing, and then there’s Knowing). But mostly, this story is just me waxing poetic about paintings since the climax is still a long ways away.... anyway, I love posting this because it’s not a fanfic but it’s not a novel either: it just doesn’t have that structure and without internet, there’d be no point in writing it, so god bless the internet i guess

5) the boy who listened to bones (3k, pjo) the thing is, Nico di Angelo will always be my adopted son, ok. me and hades are co-parenting him, actually.

6) love is the stranger who sojourns (21k, m/m original fiction) the not-really-halloween story about a hermit asshole who’s maybe in love with a ghost i wrote in two weeks, crazy times. Mainly, I wrote this to process the idea of being deserving of love even when you’re not deserving of love. It is.... not yet processed </3. Anyway, if Black Sails taught me one thing (that’s a lie: Black Sails taught me many things) it’s that one has the moral obligation to use and twist bible quotes to further gay agenda when possible, so what can you do

I’m so sorry for always writing freaking dissertations about all my stories :’) I@M A RAMBLER, what else is new! So, 2020 was my year of original fiction (I finished a novel! I finished a novel! I FINISHED A NOVEL! which I’m not linking here since it’s not posted anywhere but but but, i finished a novel *squeals*). The most surprising thing is that I didn’t write a single Les Mis fanfic since it was definitely my 2020 fandom, huh.

I’m tagging @dullahan168 and @lorilanda if (and only if!) you feel like it <3 and whoever else would like to do it, I’m not 100% sure who posts their work online but I’d sure love to learn!

[liquid-luck-00]

Internet Friends

@maribatmarch-2k21 Day 4: Internet Friends

~~~~~~~~~~

You know the internet is a magical place. You can connect with people all over the world in a matter of seconds. You know what isn’t magical, your best friend enrolling you in a ‘coffee seminar’. Like seriously Adrien I love you like a brother so what the hell. I’m busy enough as it is without giving up my Saturday morning on the only day I have free for months.

Sure my school and social life is a flaming pile of garbage thanks to a little liar manipulating almost everyone who was my friend. So why, but if anything this little online seminar may just be the thing I need.

Okay not what I needed. The coffee seminar was apparently a coffee intervention workshop. Big surprise there, what was a welcome surprise was I wasn’t the youngest person there. Through out the entirety of the web seminar they sent private messages back and forth completely ignoring the speaker, only adding in when asked. Buy the end they decided to share emails, and that was how Marinette found herself a, hopefully, friend and at the very least a partner in caffeinated crimes.

She would mainly email Tim rants about school and the akuma. He at first tried to see how open she was to help, from the JLA, to come in and help the Parisian heroes. But she shut that down quickly by explaining how the villains powers work and how many of the heroes tend to be emotional when they fight even if they don’t show it.

He in turn ranted about his brothers and how they tried to hide his coffee and the stress of his work. Which sparked the conversation of what he did. Sure she was surprised when she found out her new friend was Tim Drake-Wayne so she decided to let him into her being MDC after he couldn’t find the designer and that he wanted a commission for a gala in a few months.

They ended up, either video chatting or messaging often to rant or brainstorm for their respective projects. Or just send each other dumb photos or memes to brighten the others’ day.

---

Mari doesn't know how this came to be but it did. She was walking along the second floor railing. She was going to meet Tim face-to-face as he was going to pick her up from school to do a fitting before sending out his suit.

He had messaged her that he was in front of the school. So she said to meet her in the court yard. To her dismay her classmates formed a half circle pinning her back to the railing.

"Seriously Mari, why would you do that?!" Alya screamed at her the eyes of the entire school and of a black haired blue eyed boy, now on their group.

"Do what exactly?" she questioned adjusting the straps of her backpack.

"I can't *sniff* believe you don't *sniff* remember, Mari. It was so mean *sniff*." Lila choked out burrowing her face into Kim's sweater, who looked disgusted with her.

"One, I still don't know what I supposedly did. And two, only my friends call me, Mari, and you aren't on that list." she turned to leave but they closed in on her. Unfortunately, Adrien and Kagami left earlier for a tournament. Luka was out of the country as was Chloe, so she didn't have anyone to break her out.

"You two aren't, but we are!" Alya shouted motioning to herself and the others In the class.

"We haven't been friends for years," she thought, unfortunately she said it out loud.

"What?!?" was chorused by the entire class.

So she took a breath. "There are only two people I consider friends within our class, both of which are not here. Why are you all surprised?" A tilt of her head and a perfect look of innocence crossed her features. "You all claim I'm a bully, why be friends with bullies. I'm just ripping off the band aid you are all to scared to touch."

"You're lying they are still your friends can't you see that!" Lila stopped sniffling and came to the class' defense.

"Really. I want them to think and think hard of the last time any of them sought me out to talk or hangout. Not tell me or accuse me of something, or demand clothes or sweets." They were all silent dead in thought. "The reason you can't is because it hasn't happened since Lycee."

"That's not true Mari, we are your friends," Rose piped in softly.

"DC we've been friends forever, this isn’t like you." Kim pleaded.

"Ya we were friends for a long time, so you should know I hate liars and I never lie." Everyone seemed to register her words.

"Oh get over yourself!" Lila snapped pushing her backwards.

The bad part, she was already on the edge so she was falling from the second floor. Fortunately for her, her time as ladybug along with being a gymnast since she could stand, her body reacted, her mind catching up a moment later. She grabbed a sprinkler pipe and turned a few times, held herself upside down and then swung again. Letting the bar go twisting in the air and shifting her backpack. Everyone on the first floor scattered to the edges of the courtyard to give her space to land without obstacles. As she finishes in a rollout to protect herself and her backpack now clutched to her chest.

"What was that!?" Lila screamed gripping the balcony railing, her facade completely dropped. Everyone else stood shocked silent, frozen in place, until one black haired blue eyed boy stormed up to the bluenette.

"Mari I swear the first time we meet up and you do that. God I am never going to leave you with Dick." Tim stormed up to her. "You are going to give me a heart attack."

"Hey Tim," she chuckled in response.

"That said I am sending this to him."

"Go ahead. Coffee?"

"You know me too well," he grinned as they began to leave the still frozen, still silent school yard. "So what are you going to do about them?" he jabbed a finger behind them.

"Dunno how much did you record?" she pointed to the phone clearly in his hand still.

"Since the first scream, but audio is kinda off from that far."

"I got that part covered," she took out her phone from her jacket pocket. Now her class started to move so both coffee addicted teens started to record again in case of anything.

"Who is this Mari?" Nino genuinely asked.

"He is a friend, and he can use that name unlike any of you."

"Best friend actually."

"You will have to fight Adrien for that title." she teased.

"I got Gami's approval. I can take Sunshine on."

"That was an acknowledgment and we all know it."

"Why haven't we ever seen him before then?" Alya snipped.

"I'm not from Paris, much less from France, if the accent didn't give it away. I'm visiting on a trip with my father and wanted to stop by." The two just walked away after that.

Who would have guessed that being forced into a coffee intervention seminar would result in gaining one friend and loosing a class worth of dead weight. And oh did it feel good to walk away from that toxicity. Unfortunately she still has to finish this last year of school before University. At least she has people she knows will stand beside her. All thanks to the magic of the internet.

~~~~~~~~~~

Permanent Taglist: @itsmeevie01 @miraculouspenta @adrestar @vixen-uchiha

[simplydm]

I’m still awake tonight

Have another fic

It had been quite a while since Sam had stayed at the house for more then a few hours. But Bad and Ant were guarding the prison, and they had all but forced him to go back to his base.

“You need to sleep in a real bed!” Bad had insisted, eyes flicking to the pile of blankets on the floor in Sam’s office. “Take the night off- we’ll call you if anything happens.”

So Sam was here, in his house that kind of smelled musty. He let Fran out and, blatantly ignoring the mess of chests and dirt in the main halls, made his way to his bedroom. He collapsed backwards on top of the sheets, letting out a long sigh. His eyes met Ponk’s eyes on the ceiling and then he closed them.

“What the fuck?” Sam’s eyes flew back open, and after a moments panic, let out an exasperated sigh. He stood up reluctantly and pulled down the picture of Ponk’s face from the ceiling. A classic Ponk prank- putting pictures anywhere and everywhere to get a laugh. Well, it sure had gotten Sam. Sam clicked his tongue and put the picture on the bedside table, face-down. He lay back down, Fran coming to lay beside him.

“How long was that up there?” He asked Fran. “Hell, how long has it been since I stayed the night here?” He racked his brain, but nothing came of it. He had been in and out of the house for resources, but actually staying here? Probably before he and Ponk-

Sam shook his head as if to fling the thoughts from his head. Push it away, he firmly told himself. He lay there for a moment, definitely not thinking about the pretty boy who smelled like lemons. Almost without thinking, he grabbed the picture again and held it above him. It was some meme picture of Ponk, taken a long time ago, Sam realized with a jolt, as he saw Ponk’s left arm in frame, unblemished and still attached to his body. He looked so happy. So beautiful. Not that he didn’t look beautiful now…

“Damn it.” Sam groaned, flinging his arm over his eyes. Ponk was a criminal, a direct threat to the prison. He always annoyed Sam and tried to get under his skin. “Ponk.” He whispered his name like Ponk could hear him. But there was just silence, and Fran shifting slightly.

Sam lay there for a long time, arm pressed against his closed eyes. He ran a thumb carefully over the edge of the picture, trying to tell himself that this was a bad idea.

He eventually reached for his communicator and dialed, holding it to his ear. His heart thrummed, and an ache in his stomach was telling him exactly how stupid he was being right now.

“Hello?”

Ponk’s voice was groggy and slurred.

“Did I wake you?” Sam asked, unconsciously slipping into the deep, flirty voice he did especially for Ponk.

There was a moment of silence. “…Yes.” Ponk finally answered in a guarded tone.

“I’m sorry.” Sam considered hanging up right then and there, but he couldn’t bring himself to bring the communicator away from his ear. Even Ponk’s damn breathing was addictive.

“What do you want, Sam?” Ponk asked. His voice was clipped, dull.

“Do you wanna come over?” Sam knew how pathetic he sounded. The sleaziest of pickup lines, on a man who hated him. That’s alright, Sam countered, I hate myself anyway.

Ponk was silent again. Sam pressed the communicator even further against his ear, almost wishing he could fly through the phone lines and right into Ponk’s room.

There was a sudden click, and the dull beeping of a call broken up. Sam pulled his communicator away from his face.

“Fuck.”

He put the communicator down and lay his arm over his face again. So much for that. Probably for the best, though. Sam’s thoughts tended to get a bit confusing around Ponk. It was a lot easier when he wasn’t around.

A beeping interrupted Sam’s hazy thoughts. Sam looked at the screen over on the desk- a security alarm was going off. Someone was near the house. Sam got up and tried to access the cameras, but they were all out of service. Oh, right, someone had stolen them months ago.

He grabbed a trident leaning against the wall and stalked out to the front door. He knew he looked a mess, with his dog-patterned pajama pants and no shirt, but the trident should help his image.

The door suddenly ground into life, sinking down into the floor. And there stood Ponk on the other side, glaring up at Sam.

“Ponk?” Sam asked in surprise. Ponk stepped inside and pressed the button for the door to go back up. He was dressed in a deep red cloak and his mask, and he came to stand right in front of Sam. Sam looked down at him- he had always enjoyed his height advantage over Ponk- with his heart hammering.

“Sam, why the fuck did you booty call me?” Sam’s brain short-circuited- Ponk’s voice was gravely and sleepy, something Sam hadn’t heard in who knows how long.

“Ponkie,.. god, you’re so cute…” Sam reached for Ponk’s mask. Ponk went completely still as Sam’s fingers brushed the cloth along his jaw.

Ponk moved suddenly, and Sam felt a sharp pain to the stomach. He dropped to the ground with a groan. Ponk’s fist packed a lot more punch now that it wasn’t made out of flesh.

“You can’t just fucking call me at three in the morning with your voice all low and expect me to run over here with my arms outstretched, like nothing ever fucking happened, Sam!”

“But yet here you are.” Sam laughed, then choked as Ponk dropped to straddle Sam’s chest, a delicate but deadly knife pressed to his throat. He knew that knife, red and gold handle, with an engraved blade. It had been a present from him to Ponk.

“I came here because I knew if I didn’t, this would just keep happening.” Ponk’s eyes sparkled with tears. “Sam, stop fucking talking to me. Please. What the hell is it gonna take?”

“I taught you to fight, Ponkie. But that also means that I know your moves and your weaknesses.” Sam laughed, ignoring Ponk’s questions. He started to move to the left, to throw Ponk off, but Ponk pressed his thumb hard against Sam’s throat. He choked.

“You’re not the only one whose taught me to how to fight, Sam.” Ponk said, settling himself more firmly on top of Sam, his feet all but crushing Sam’s wrists. “So shut the fuck up and actually listen for once.” Ponk took a deep breath. “Sam, you tortured me and cut my arm off. Time and time again you’ve proven that your only loyalties are to power and image and your own fears. And I know there’s no stopping you, because I know how it gets to you. I said it while lava was pouring over me, and I’ll say it again: I’d rather be a ghost then see you like this. When your actions catch up to you, and they will, I will have a place for you. But until then, stay the fuck away from me.”

Ponk clambered to his feet swiftly, but Sam made no move to grab him. He lay there, face-up, as Ponk activated the door. It closed behind him with a boom, and a deep silence fell. Sam was still on his concrete floor, as if Ponk were still on top of him with a knife. Sam lay there for a long time, thinking about nothing in particular, yet everything all at once.

[thebonerpit]

all i want is a room with a view [fic]

all i want is a room with a view

Teenker/Keenker, 3780 words. TW: non-consensual voyeurism. Read it on AO3 here!

This was 100% inspired by a nff video that I used to have linked here but I’m taking it out because maybe that’s stopping my post from showing up in tag searches?? Anyway if you want the link I will post it, just send an ask, because the dude looks so much like older Harley it’s insane. And he has a gorgeous dick.

“Tony’s inappropriate feelings for Harley and Peter lead him to spying on them via cameras in their rooms. He sees a whole lot more than he expected.”

Tony had been thinking about this for weeks. Mulling it over in his head, weighing the pros and cons… and funnily enough, not once did he question the morality of the whole thing. That, he knew. He knew it was wrong but he was going to do it anyway because… well, because he wanted to. Because he could. And because he knew this was the closest he was ever going to get to these two beautiful boys.

Harley and Peter had been staying at the complex for about two months now. It was summer, so both of them were out of school and were desperate to get as much time in the labs as possible. Of course no one objected, and Bruce in particular was very pleased to have both of them around to bounce ideas off of. They each had their own room, both already making the spaces their own. They were usually in an equal state of mess although Peter was slightly more organized. He put up a Star Wars poster and had turned one corner into a mini chem lab for his ongoing experiments. Harley on the other hand was much more spartan in his decorating but his desk was constantly littered with mechanical parts and there were grease stains smudging the perfect white walls. He had apologized for the first one but Tony honestly wouldn’t have it any other way. He loved them, mess and all, and he would let them do whatever the hell they wanted if it meant they would stay.

He knew all this detail about their rooms because, well, frankly, he was spying on them. Never while they were in there, but he already had cameras set up in those rooms when they were empty and… he was curious. A few times he opened the feed and caught glimpses of them, working or reading or doing some other innocent activity, but he quickly shut it off. He didn’t want to invade their privacy like that.

Until he did.

It was a few weeks into summer when the staring started. He’d look up from his work to catch Peter’s glassy eyes fixed on him only to hurriedly look back down at his own project, blushing furiously. Harley was less subtle – as usual – and held Tony’s gaze for a few moments before smiling and looking away. At first he thought they were up to something, that he was going to get pranked, but nothing ever came of it. They did it to each other, too, but their gazes were much more knowing, so Tony could only assume there was something between them they didn’t want him to know about.

The first time he actively checked on them while he knew they were present was when he saw Harley sneaking into Peter’s room as he was up getting a glass of water one night. He tip-toed back to his bedroom and pulled up the feed, some dark anticipation throbbing in his stomach. But it seemed perfectly innocent. Harley was on Peter’s desk chair and Peter was on his bed, and they were just talking. Nothing nefarious. Nothing… sexual. It was sick how disappointed he felt.

But after that he just couldn’t stop. He watched Peter on his computer, looking up cute animal videos and laughing sweetly to himself. He watched Harley reading. He watched them both together, sitting on Harley’s bed, eating pizza and marathoning Stranger Things. He even turned the sound on occasionally, just to hear them laugh. It was like an addiction. But somehow, up until this point, he hadn’t seen anything remotely scandalous. Harley was shirtless once but it was just because he spilled coffee all over himself like an idiot.

“Maybe my timing is off,” Tony muttered to himself as he tinkered with the engine of his ’65 Porsche 911.

“What was that?” Harley called from the next table over.

“Nothing! Just talking to myself. As usual. Whenever I ask either of you a question you just respond with memes,” he snapped, which of course got the two of them going and away from the subject he definitely should not have been thinking about in the first place. But he might have had something. He never tried the mornings (or more realistically for these two, afternoons). Tony set an alarm for the next day, more pleased with himself than he should have been, and went back to work.

+ + + + +

He checked in on Peter first. When he opened the camera all he could see were tufts of brown hair peeking out under the edge of his massive comforter all bundled up around his body like a cocoon. Tony chuckled softly and shook his head.

“FRI, crank up the heat in Peter’s room a little, would you?”

Tony liked to keep the a/c low but even though Peter’s crazy high metabolism should keep him warm, he was always bundled up in hoodies and socks and obviously he needed some more heat while he slept. Tony smiled fondly at the image before switching over to Harley.

The contrast was shockingly stark. Harley had no sheets on at all and was lying face-down on the bed, clad only in a pair of very snug, red boxer-briefs. His tight, round ass was perfectly on display and Tony bit his lip as Harley shifted and the muscles clenched. This was more like it. Harley was obviously just waking up, his phone chirping an alarm at him as he squirmed a little bit, stretching his legs out and groaning softly into the pillow before flipping over to turn it off.

Tony was greeted by a significant bulge which he barely had time to appreciate before Harley was palming it and arching into his own touch.

“Mmmm,” he moaned quietly, biting his lip as he squeezed a bit harder.

Tony was completely captivated. This was exactly what he was hoping for, and as Harley slipped a hand into his underwear Tony did the same. How he was going to look him in the eye again later that day he had no idea, but he could barely even process that thought right now. All he could think about was how good he looked, how soft and sleep-warmed, and fucking shit how big his cock was. Tony was stunned when Harley finally pulled his briefs down his legs and grasped his dick with one hand. It was thick and long and flushed red, and Tony’s mouth literally watered at the sight. He had always imagined being on top in any scenario involving the boys but god, what he wouldn’t do to get that dick in his mouth or his ass…

Harley stroked himself slowly, pausing every so often to spit in his palm. He seemed unhurried and relaxed, just enjoying the pleasure of a lazy morning handjob. His other hand wandered up and down his chest, flicking at his nipples or scratching lightly against his stomach. A few times he reached up to tug at his mop of sleep-mussed dirty blonde hair and Tony felt his own hand tighten, wishing he could touch him like that, too. Harley kept his eyes closed for the most part but a few times he blinked and seemed to focus directly on the camera lens. The first time it happened Tony tensed up, his hand ready to cut the feed, but it must have been a coincidence because Harley just kept going like before.

His noises started to get louder as he sped up his strokes and he reached down with his other hand to cup his heavy sac, tugging at it gently. Tony could see his hips start to jerk, and from the look on his face he was about five seconds from coming all over himself, so Tony sped up to match him. Unfortunately, before they could get there, both of them wrenched their hands away as Harley’s door flung open and Peter waltzed inside.

“Hey Harls, wanna go get brunch before we—”

He stopped dead in his tracks and stared at the boy laid out on the bed. Harley stopped touching himself but made no effort to cover up, so he was completely naked and incredibly hard.

“Oh my god. Oh my GOD, I’m so sorry, fuck, I’ll… I just…”

Peter flushed bright pink but for some reason made no effort to turn and leave, which is probably exactly what Tony would have done if he walked in on his friend jerking off. Unless of course he was attracted to that specific friend and… oh. OH.

Harley seemed to come to the same realization and a slow, lazy smile crept across his face.

“Hey Pete,” he said, his voice scratchy with sleep and from the moans that were escaping earlier.

“I… I didn’t mean…” Peter’s voice was quiet, and he couldn’t tear his gaze away from Harley’s cock.

“I know. But you did sorta interrupt me. So, now that you’re here…”

Peter blinked at him owlishly.

“Wh-what?”

“Come on. I know we always talk about how fucking hot Tony is-“ excuse me WHAT “-but I’ve seen the way you look at me, too.”

Tony was reeling from the bomb that Harley so casually dropped. They talked about him? How had he never heard–?

“Shhh, Harley! We agreed, never in here! FRI hears everything.”

Ah-ha. Smart boys.

“Not really thinkin’ straight right now, Pete,” Harley said with a shrug. “If you don’t want to you can go, I promise I won’t make it weird, but—”

“NO! Uh. No. I…” Peter squirmed and bit his lip before he started slowly walking over to the bed.

Tony couldn’t believe his eyes. Was this really happening? He was half-tempted to ask FRIDAY if he was in a coma or hallucinating or maybe dead.

Peter was dressed in an oversized hoodie that Harley started to tug off as soon as he got close enough. They managed to get it off after a bit of a struggle, leaving him in tiny little sleep shorts that Tony had never seen before.

“Fuck, you’re gorgeous, baby,” Harley said, grabbing at Peter’s waist and pulling him down for a wet kiss. Tony could hear everything, every slick filthy sound, and his dick which had softened briefly from the shock was now rock hard again.

“Really?” Peter whispered.

“You’re tellin’ me you haven’t picked up on ANY of the hints I’ve been droppin’? Christ, my flirting game is rusty.”

“I just… didn’t think…”

“Yeah, I know. It’s part of what I like so much about you. Innocent little flower,” Harley teased, kissing Peter on the nose and making him scrunch his face up.

“Oh my god Harley, I’m not that innocent!”

“Yeah? Prove it.”

Peter got a look on his face that Tony had definitely seen before, usually when either he or Harley challenged him to some task in the lab. Determination. Stubbornness. Boldness. He huffed out a little noise before pushing Harley back down on the bed, crawling down his body, and licking a thick, wet stripe up the length of his cock. Harley’s whole body jerked at the sensation and Peter looked up with a sly smile before taking the tip into his mouth and sucking.

“Fuckkkk, that’s it baby,” Harley groaned, throwing his head back against the pillow and scrabbling blindly for Peter’s hair to tug on which earned him a disapproving noise.

“Nuh-uh,” Peter tutted, pulling off him with a soft ‘pop’. “You want that, you have to look at me.”

Harley propped himself up on his elbows, one eyebrow raised, as he stared down at Peter who was pressing soft kisses all along his length.

“Is this better, princess?” he teased. Peter flushed a little but nodded as he took him back in his mouth. Harley dug one elbow into the mattress and with his other hand he curled his fingers back into Peter’s hair, pulling gently. Tony watched, completely mesmerized, as Peter got about halfway down his cock before he gagged and had to back off. There was no way the kid was going to get that thing all the way down his throat but god it was beautiful to watch him try. His lips were swollen pink from the abuse, spit-slick and oh so kissable. And Harley was a sight himself, obviously already on the edge from touching himself for so long but trying not to come too soon, his body tense and shiny with sweat.

“Oh god, Pete, your mouth…”

Peter hummed around Harley’s throbbing cock which made the older boy yelp and yank him off by the hair.

“Want more,” Peter whined, trying to take it in his mouth again, but Harley wouldn’t let him. He must be so close, Tony thought, palming his own cock just to get some relief. Usually he prided himself on being able to last however long his partner needed but fuck, he didn’t know how much more he could take. Thankfully, Harley seemed to be in the same position. He dragged Peter up into another searing kiss.

“Too close,” he murmured against Peter’s lips, “wanna come inside this sweet little ass. ‘S that ok?”

Peter nodded vigorously. “I’ve got lube in my room, I can—”

“In the drawer, over there,” Harley interrupted, pointing to his desk. Peter clambered off him so quickly he almost tripped and Harley laughed, but there was no malice in it. Tony got an exceptional view of Peter’s ass as he bent over to rummage through the drawer and could only image how Harley was going to fit his cock in there. Peter was already opening the bottle and squeezing lube on his fingers as he climbed back into Harley’s lap.

“You’re not gonna let me do that for you?”

“Not now. I know how much I need,” Peter said as he reached back to slide two fingers inside him, moaning as he pressed them as deep as he could.

“Well at least let me enjoy the show,” Harley said with a smirk, tapping at Peter’s hip until he squirmed around awkwardly to face the other direction in his lap. Harley groaned and squeezed at his pert little cheeks, spreading them apart while Peter fingered himself open. Tony watched his slick fingers move faster and faster and moaned out loud when Peter added a third, the high-resolution cameras picking up the perfect pink of his hole as it stretched around his thin digits. Harley threw his head back for a moment, eyes catching the camera again, and Tony could have sworn he smirked at it, but he was soon distracted by Harley slipping one of his fingers in alongside Peter’s.

“Ahhh!” Peter gasped, his hips shuddering as he sank down on their hands.

“You have gorgeous fingers babe, but it wasn’t gonna be enough. Come on, press in a little more, that’s it…”

It was only a few more minutes until Peter was whining and pulling at Harley’s wrist with his other hand until he slid his fingers out, letting Peter turn back around and position himself over his cock. Tony almost wished he had stayed the other way just so he could see every inch of it press inside, but this way he got to see his beautiful face. He’d have to invest in some mirrors for their rooms for the future… or maybe more cameras.

“You sure you’re ready?”

“Yeah, yes, please, want it,” Peter begged. Harley held his hips still with one hand and reached down to line himself up with the other. Tony could see the exact moment the head pressed past Peter’s tight muscle as his eyes flew open and he let out a choked-off gasp.

“Harleyyyyyy,” Peter whined, squirming his hips as Harley pushed up into him, getting those last few inches inside. He looked completely overwhelmed, his chest heaving and tears streaking down his cheeks.

“Aw look at you sweetheart, such a little crybaby, huh?”

“Am not,” Peter sniffed, slapping Harley on the chest which made the other boy laugh.

“Thought you said you wanted more?”

“I do! Fuck, Harls, it’s so big, feel so full…”

“Yeah? You like that big fat cock inside you?”

Peter blushed but he nodded fiercely, and he must have squeezed around him because Harley gasped and gripped his hips even tighter.

“Fuck yeah, just like that. Such a little slut,” Harley growled, jerking his hips up and jostling Peter forward. He braced himself with his hands on either side of Harley’s head and moaned as his flushed cock rubbed against Harley’s stomach. “You ready, baby?”

Peter nodded and leaned down to mouth wet kisses against Harley’s neck.

“P-please, move,” he whispered.

Harley started slow, fucking up into him with long, deep thrusts that jostled Peter’s whole body against his own. They tried to kiss but it was too messy, mouths barely connecting as Peter tried to meet Harley’s movements. It was uncoordinated, both of them trying to do what felt the best, and somehow Tony found that way sexier than if they immediately started fucking like porn stars. Peter whined with frustration as Harley kept knocking him out of his rhythm.

“Nnn, stop, lemme… fuck,” he groaned, as Harley grabbed his hips so tightly Tony could see the skin turn white and bucked up into him as deep as he could go.

“So fussy,” Harley rasped. “You wanna take control, hm?”

A flush of embarrassment creeped across Peter’s chest. He was like this even in the lab when they were all working together and he got excited about something, forgetting his sweet demeanour and ordering Harley and Tony around until he realized what he was doing. Tony usually just smirked and gave him a jaunty little salute but he would never tell him how hot it was. He was still shy about it, but obviously his need for pleasure won out and he pried Harley’s hands off of him, pressing them into the mattress.

Peter leaned back to grip Harley’s thighs as he worked his hips, slamming down against Harley, his dick jumping with every movement. Harley propped himself up on his elbows to watch this little display, a sexy smirk playing across his mouth as Peter rode him.

“God, look at you… so fucking gorgeous, baby,” he purred. “You close? Gonna come on my cock like a good boy?”

Tony groaned out loud at that. Fuck, Harley had an absolutely filthy mouth and he somehow knew exactly what to say to make Tony impossibly turned on.

Peter could only nod and whimper, and after a few more enthusiastic bounces he ground his hips down as much as he could, moving them in short little jerks to rub Harley deep against his insides. He must have been pressing right against his prostate because it didn’t take long for him to come with a high-pitched whine, shooting all over himself and Harley. Tony nearly came with him, just from the expression on his sweet face: eyes squeezed shut, mouth open, cheeks flushed… it was pure sin. Peter’s dick was still jumping and leaking when Harley grabbed his waist again and pulled him down for a kiss.

“That’s it, so good for me Pete,” Harley cooed, rubbing up and down his back and he shifted underneath him so he could plant his feet against the mattress. “I’m close too, baby, can I…?”

Peter nodded into his neck, fingers winding into Harley’s sweat-drenched hair, and he wiggled his hips a little just for good measure. Harley let out a grunt as he started fucking up into Peter’s pliant body in short little jerks. Tony matched Harley’s thrusts with his own hand, trying to imagine how tight and hot Peter must feel, how he opened for Harley’s huge cock so beautifully…

“Gonna come, gonna fill you up, so fuckin’ sweet darlin’, fuck!”

Tony got another gorgeous view of Peter’s face as Harley came deep inside him and he snapped his head up with a gasp and a lazy, fucked-out smile, practically drooling as Harley shuddered through his orgasm underneath him. It pushed Tony over the edge and he came moments after Harley, muffling his shout with one hand and making an absolute mess of his stomach. He came like he had been edging himself for hours and had to take a moment to slow his breathing before he could even look at the camera again. These boys were literally going to kill him. His heart could only take so much.

Which is why he nearly full-on passed out when Harley twisted his head around to look directly in the camera with a devilish smile on his face.

“Hi Tony. Did you like the show?”

Peter’s head jerked up again, his eyes wide as he looked to the door where he must have expected to see Tony standing.

“Wh-what, Harley, what are you—”

He followed Harley’s gaze to where the camera was, almost completely hidden unless you were looking for it, and he nearly choked.

“Oh my god,” he groaned, hiding in Harley’s neck as Harley chuckled, rubbing his back to comfort him.

“Don’t worry your pretty little head, sweetheart. He’s wanted this since we got here. Got my phone all set up to notify me when you’re watchin’ the feed of my room,” Harley said.

That little shit.

“Figured I’d just give you a solo show today but then Pete here turned up and… well… happy early birthday I guess.”

Peter was still hiding, but he whispered something to Harley, so quiet the camera didn’t pick up the audio. Harley reached down and pulled his face up with a gentle finger under his chin and nodded. It must have reassured him enough to look up at the camera again although he was still bright red. He bit his lip as he raised himself off Harley’s softening cock, letting it slip out. Tony could see a pool of wetness where Harley’s come was dripping out of him and he groaned.

“I feel so empty already,” Peter said quietly, still staring at the camera. “Maybe you can help me with that, Mr. Stark?”

Harley laughed softly as he sat up enough to press a kiss to Peter’s abs and grab his phone from his night table, and then he cut the camera feed. Tony was left staring at his reflection in the blank screen. His softening cock was hanging out of his pants, stomach covered in cooling come, and his face was red from exertion. He was an absolute mess, but he had never felt so aroused.

“Be careful what you wish for, Peter,” he murmured to himself with a smile, cleaning himself up and already planning his next move.

[at-the-exd-of-everythixg]

][All questions for otp meme for Pascal + Rhys][

@blind-mutant

Coffee shop AU: Who is the barista, and who frequents the coffee shop?

Pascal is the man who knows everyone's order before they get there. Rhys is no different and perhaps Pascal slips a cookie or two for Rhys. The man just seems so skinny and cute...how could Pascal not bleed his heart out all over the place when looking into his little face?

Rhys meanwhile, is smitten with the weirdo who gives him free coffee and extra snacks at the price of hearing terrible jokes. There's some worry when some nights Pascal is incredibly clumsy and seems to shake and stare off into the distance...which only draws Rhys in more at knowing that the barista isn't perfect. Which only makes him MORE perfect and hit-onable.

Highschool/College AU: Who is the straight-A student, and who’s the backrow slacker?

Rhys tries hard in school, he has to if he wants to prove himself and actually stay at the institute. He works hard but things are harder for him, what with being a gay disabled albino mutant. A bigger shit could not hit the fan...that is, until blind rich boy Pascal Solberg arrives and he's brought a big fucking fan.

Pascal is thrilled to be at a school with actual people. Everyone adores Korra and he seems to have an answer for everything! But Rhys sees through this shit and he's determined to find out why Pascal knows far too many things than he should...definitely not because Korra is very cute and so is Pascal!

Rivals to loves AU: Who takes their rivalry seriously, and who is half in it just to push the other’s buttons? 

In the institute, Pascal loves teasing and bullying Rhys. It gets him more attention and even without his future sight, Pascal knows that Rhys will be safer, that other patients will be better off if he's paying for actual mistakes rather than letting anyone else suffer. It hurts, but Pascal would take this paik in stride...if not for how annoying Rhys could be.

Rhys??? Oh he's onto Pascal. Knows that he's with a dumbass who wants to hurt himself and is only going to end up dead. It isn't often that a fancy prick ends up in such a place like this...and yet Pascal is here. He doesn't talk about why he ended up at the institute, but he seems to have something up his sleeve and Rhys wants in on it.

Enemies to lovers AU: Which one switches sides? 

Its...certainly a thing for Pascal church to join up with an anti-mutant church, but he has some...worries about the fact that he is essentially similar to a mutant, as well as the fact that Pascal's mother seems to be inclined on keeping it a secret to the rest of the church as well as the mutants that the church frequently attacks. He doesn't like it. He doesn't enjoy being used to hurt people. But Pascal does like the pretty mutant that called him a shitbag before swearing when Beast tells him that Pascal is the target.

So now...he lives at the X-Mansion? X-house? Pascal is there and things are awkward, especially when Rhys gets put on his shift of watching Pascal. But the seer is secretive with the full extent of his powers and seeing everyone happy at the mansion as well as Rhys getting kinder when he learns that Pascal was unwilling in hurting people...it makes the seer certain in what he has to do. He needs to protect the Institution and all of its inhabitants.

Especially Rhys, who still calls him a shitbag, but now laces it with teasing affection as well as 'Scal and Firefly. Who sounds so happy and sents Pascal's heart reeling when he coos over Korra. Murder is easy depending on who it's for.

Soulmate AU: Who is eager to meet their soulmate? Who absolutely does not want to meet their soulmate? 

Of course Pascal wants to meet his soulmate. Who wouldn't? They'll be the only other person who really understands him now that Cassandra is gone. He doesn't care what category his soulmate is, whether he'll get a partner, a friend or family member, Pascal just wants to stop feeling so alone in this world, even if he has two beautiful children who meow and bark at him. His soulmate is perfect, no matter what.

Rhys however, jesus fucking christ he can't have a soulmate. He's a shitty person, next is the fact that Rhys is homeless and a mutant. He isn't what anyone would want honestly, especially when Pascal is the leader of a whole fucking church. That definitely sends Rhys reeling and now Pascal needs to try and take on the mission of wooing Rhys and letting the smaller man know that Pascal won't hurt him. He wants to only make Rhys happy.

Single parent AU: Which one is the single parent? (Alt. if they’re both single parents: Which one is open to starting a new relationship from the start? Which one is never planning on finding love again… Until they meet the other and are instantly smitten?)

Rhys and Pascal are both messes of fathers but they try and they love their kids. Rhys's kid is the last he has of Blue while Pascal had no choice but to try and be there for his kid after he killed their mother. It's hard to provide for them but our idiots do try...and it gets harder, maybe easier when Pascal's kid starts to declare that Rhys's kid is their best friend. Well...Pascal and Rhys being dilf friends forever??

Its certainly easier when you have someone to support you and knows what you're going through. Rhys is always reassured by Pascal's visions and Pascal definitely needs to emotionally and maybe lean on Rhys's for support when he convinces him to not helicopter parent his kid. And perhaps there's nights of crying over people they've lost, what they've done. But there are also nights where the kids giggle and gag as Rhys and Pascal stare at each other a little too long and accidentally refer to reach other as dad. Sometimes a family is two bros, their kids from traumatic stories and extra hairy and hairless kids.

Doctor AU: Which one is the longsuffering doctor? Which one is the patient? 

Rhys needs hospital for the first time in a long time and FUCK does it feel terrible. He almost wants to leave and throw up before his attention gets caught to the weird guy with a guide dog arguing with a blind 12 year old about whether or not telling the script of ratatouille counts as telling a story. Well. Rhys is blind. That means he counts and gets to join in on listening to "stories for the blind" while waiting for his name to be called out.

He does eventually, and much to Rhys's surprise, Pascal actually offers to stand with him. He cuts his story short and leans in close to give Rhys a run through of what will happen in his appointment and if it's that bad, Pascal is happy to make sure a doctor keeps their hands strictly professional. Rhys is...actually really happy, especially when Pascal asks if Rhys can have a lollipop and then if he could have a lollipop. Hospital trips suddenly seem better when Pascal is there being a goof and wanting to help out with more in his life.

Bodyguard AU: Who is the bodyguard? Who are they protecting? Which one is secretly pining for the other? 

The obvious answer is "Rhys gets hired to guard prophet man" bUT. Pascal guarding Rhys while he's on a recruitment mission for the mansion? Could be cute of Pascal admiring Rhys's dedication to wanting to help out a child and to get them to a safe space, but could also be incredibly funny if Rhys assumed he was being guarded by a human and uh. Wasn't the nicest.

Unfortunately, Pascal's greatest sexual fantasy is being someone's doormat so he takes in in stride. And perhaps a part of Pascal doesn't actually want to tell Rhys what he is...mostly because it's funny and it'll be even funnier when they go back to the mansion and Pascal can have a lased beam battle with Cyclops.

Pirate AU: Who is the pirate? Who is the member of the royal family who did not sign up for this? 

Rhys is a captain that is always pleased to have non-human and capable crew members. The new boy is clumsy and soft, but he's cute and a hard worker so Rhys is a kind man who will let him stay. Especially when the boat rocks and Rhys gets pressed into a warm chest, gets to feel Pascal awkwardly laughing deeply and a comforting hand on the small of his back. Oh, he definitely needs to keep such a pretty boy that smokes so nicely when Rhys teases him.

Pascal knows he should tell Rhys he's a prince. The heir to the very seas they sail on. But it's hard and the Irish Phantom is so beautiful, much more beautiful than any suitor Pascal may be destined for. It isn't a hard choice to lie about who he is and to swallow nervously when his captain smiles and flirts in a low voice, feeling rough hands squeeze instinctively when they almost fall over. He'll tell Rhys soon. Soon.

Childhood best friends AU: Which one was super obviously in love with the other the whole time? Who was oblivious until they were older?

Pascal is smitten by Rhys. His family comes to the church every week, not exactly aware of what the people of the last light worship, but Pascal is smitten by Rhys. Cassandra gags, winking her many eyes before they shut and hide away when Pascal blushes and tells her on mom. Rhys is nice and one of the only children of the church, which is why Pascal is addicted to knowing more about Ireland, about Rhys and to feel the little shadows dance around his fingers. He loves hearing what darkness is supposed to sound like.

Rhys loves the other odd boy too. It's easy to when Pacal adores his powers and actually asks more about him. Rhys has his very first friend for years until he doesn't and he's alone in an institute, reeling and a part of him wishing that he could be back at the church, laughing himself silly at Pascal and Cassandra having a real life pokemon battle (that ended with Cass using a rock type love by throwing a rock into Pascal's face). He still thinks about Pascal every day and what else can he do but cry when he hears the sheer awful jokes that could only come from Pascal when he walks through a park one day?

[beyondthetemples]

{{ “Be Honest” mun meme

{{ Questions list taken from here:

https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/blog/hellhaeths/182092480007

What would prevent you from following someone? Not trigger-tagging, or not using cuts for ns//fw scenes. (I have really intense emet*phobia, so if you don't tag for that, or won't tag for it upon request, I absolutely cannot follow. Savior catches most posts for me, even if they're not tagged, but there are just So Many Euphemisms and Various Ways to Describe It that it only works 75% of the time.)

Are aesthetics important to you? If they are, why? As far as blog theme, not really-- I just like fiddling around to find something that evokes their General Vibe, and seeing what themes other muns like! I won't judge by them though. When it comes to thread aesthetics, I actually prefer to leave them utterly unformatted and plain-text as possible. I have ADHD and Fancy Unicode and Symbols and All That makes it really hard for me to focus on what's going on in the thread, not to mention I don't have the attention span to match another mun's Styling like that. (Also, fun fact: I always have my Tumblr Dash at 75% zoom, and Dove’s theme already has text at a Very Readable Size, so nothing ever needs to be Smallified for me.)

What current rp trend do you hate? I don't think there are any I "hate", though I get confused on all the Different Verses that everyone has. (In all my years of writing fanfic, I've only ever written Exactly One (1) AU, and I never read them outside of rp. AUs just aren't my thing.)

How do you explain rp to someone in the real world? "Taking turns writing what the characters are doing." Everyone afk has been pretty supportive. (They all know I'm a writer, so like... it's Nothing New.)

Do you prefer interacting with male muses or female more? Why? I genuinely don't care either way! Guy, gal, nonbinary pal: as long as they're fun to write with, I don't mind a bit. (And Dove has no preference, either.)

Do you prefer writing male muses or female more? Why? Statistically, I have 3 female muses (4 if we count Evangeline as her own person and not just A Part of Dove Manifested)... and only 1 male. (And technically, both Srentha and Leyla are genderqueer, so it's really only Dove and Kary that are cis women.) But that's not intentional? Evangeline is feminine because Dove is feminine, and Kary was originally my girlfriend's-- if she was a male I still would've hardcore adopted him. It just kind of worked out that way. I just enjoy writing people, not gender roles.

Name any three things about the rpc that bother you. 1.) The aforementioned Verse Thing. (It doesn't really bother me, I'm just easily confused by Similar-Except-Vaguely-Different Things due to the ADHD.) 2.) Some people still don't know that godmodding isn't okay. 3.) The distaste for OCs??? I guess that doesn't exactly "bother" me either, because people are allowed to have preferences... but, I mean, I spent several years active in, and then Actually Running, a group of 1300 members on dA completely DEDICATED to OCs, and it was a blast, so I just don't understand why people don't like rping with them as much as canon characters. I personally find OCs more satisfying to explore, more surprising in every thread because you just don't know what to expect, and you have a LOT more freedom for plotting and reactions! Like! You can Shed the Constraints of Canon and Revel in your Newfound OC-Based Freedom!! Truly Become your Character's GOD!!!

What is your opinion on exclusivity? Do you practice it? Why / why not? Nah, I love the variety different muns can bring to the same muse! Other people can stay exclusive if they like. Being an OC mun, it doesn't exactly affect me. 8F

Have you ever had a bad experience with commissions? As either someone who makes them or as someone who buys them? (I don't really know how this pertains to RP?) But there was one time when someone gave me a really vague commission request, out of the blue, for a fandom I know absolutely nothing about, and just kept saying things like "Whatever you think they'd do!" when I asked for plot, characterization, or preference details... I never finished it because I Didn't Even Know how to START.

What do you know now about rp that you wish you knew when you first started? The reply doesn't have to be perfect. Or dramatic, even. Not every reply is going to shatter someone's heart or absolutely make their day. And that's perfectly okay!

Have you been involved in drama? Do you regret it? Nnnnot on Tumblr. (There was a LOT of drama amongst admins of the dA group, which strongly attributed to the decline of me RPing on dA, but I definitely do not regret standing up for myself. I do wish I'd been able to foresee it, though, and brought someone else on staff who was actually going to, you know, do the job they applied for?)

Have you ever thought about leaving rp? What caused it? What changed your mind? Never! Well not on Tumblr anyways. There was a period where my favorite partners were all going inactive, and I couldn't find anyone who wanted to interact with Dove, so of course I was despairing, wondering if I'd ever get to explore what I wanted to explore with her. But then I decided, you know what, so what if I can't find any canon Titans to advance her Tumblr timeline? I'll just fill in the blanks with fanfic canon, and work from there! Making that decision was so freeing.

Do you think rp has had a positive or negative affect on your life or you as a person? Oh, positive, absolutely. I may be too busy to really attend to it much nowadays, but my writing style has improved DRAMATICALLY, I've made so many friends, and I've learned things about Dove that I never would've discovered in the stories alone. (Or at least, it might've been discovered on a ten-year delay. 8F)

How has rp changed you personally? I was able to find fast friends, make connections with people over common interests, and my very first experience with leadership happened because I hung around a TTOC dA chatroom (because, specifically, I’d gotten ADDICTED to rp), came to love the people and characters, and decided, when the current admins had to step down, I would like to step up.

If you could change one thing about rp on tumblr, what would it be? Why? I'd like tags to stop breaking, that'd be nice. (But that’s an issue with Tumblr itself, not the rps.)

Have you ever sent a message to yourself on anon? Why? Pff, no. Mostly because if I really want something to happen, I'll either post an open, OR I'll do what I'm doing here, and just answer the questions myself. 8F I have a lot of fun doing this with headcanon question lists.

Have you ever sent hate to yourself on anon? Why? No, but that's because I'm all about learning (+spreading) positive self-talk, de-escalation, and avoiding drama. Drama doesn't serve anyone.

Do you delete anon hate or post and address it? Why? I address it and then block the sender, because I want everyone to know I don't stand for that. And I have this stubborn streak about standing up for myself, so, you know... Gotta Address It First. (And I've defended Dove from Mary Sue accusations since I started posting about her in 2006, so it doesn't bother me, but I love pointing out all the reasons that, Jack Rider voice: You Are Wrong!)

Have you ever felt pressured to write something you weren’t comfortable with? Nope, but that's because if I can't or don't want to, I'm open and transparent about it. (Not on Tumblr, anyways. There was one particular person in the dA chats that kept trying to make RPs All About His Muse, but we shut that down too.)

Have you ever followed someone because you felt like you had to, not because you wanted to? Hell no! I've never Automatically Followed Back, and it's right there in my rules, I need a little communication before I start interacting.

What would make you block someone? Anon hate, reblogging/replying to rps that don't involve them, starting their own rps on my posts, Bad Takes in the Tags, shipping something I genuinely can't stand... I use the block button pretty liberally. I just don't need that stuff in my life, in my tags, or on my dash.

Have you ever stolen something from someone else? Well I have adopted a couple of headcanons re: Canon Characters from the teentitansheadcanons blog. (Like hc that, one time, Beast Boy was a bug and someone almost squished him, so now they put all the bugs outside, just in case. I love that for some reason, so I adopted it.) And every now and again I'll see something in fanfic I like: Azarath Has Two Suns, I saw that in a fanfic and it just felt so RIGHT, so I adopted that too. But, I mean, rping as an OC, there's really not a lot I can steal. 8F

Have you ever had something stolen from you? If so, how did you handle it? Not on Tumblr, but somebody once stole a picture of Srentha from dA and used it in a random webs-page blog about their dreams? ??? I have no idea why they used him, or how they even fOUND him, but I kinda just shrugged and let it go.

Are you open to duplicates? Why / why not? (Isn't this basically the same question as "are you exclusive"? Because I have the same answer. I am, because I like seeing other muns' interpretations of the same character.)

How do you feel about vague posting? Use your own judgement for your own blog, but it's not something I do myself. If I have to vaguepost to vent something, I'll usually go on a more private blog, or at least stick it under a Read More.

Do you follow people even if they don’t follow you back? Yes! I like reading rps almost as much as I like writing them.

Do you read people’s rules before following or interacting? Always.

What is your opinion on “reblog karma” and do you practice it? I try to! Sometimes I can't figure out what to send in for the blog I get in from, but most of the time, I'll send something any time I reblog something. I really appreciate it when people send something in before reblogging from me, personally. c: (I get it if you can’t or don’t want to. But it sure is nice!)

How have you responded to popular slang used on tumblr? Do you use it in every day life? Do you use it at all? Not really, but I rarely use slang at all. Unless I'm actually talking about rp, muses, muns, etc, then I'll use those words.

Is there something you don’t know the meaning of but you haven’t asked anyone because you think it’s supposed to be general knowledge? Was there ever something you had to ask someone to explain? I'm that Ravenclaw who always asks questions as soon as I encounter I don't know, and I don't use words without knowing what they mean. Kinda defeats the purpose of words that way.

Have you ever experienced discrimination? Well, Dove has, since people have that "I don't like OCs" mindset. Or "she's related to a canon character, so she's automatically a Mary Sue". It's not as big of a Discrimination as sexism or racism, don't get me wrong! But it HAS limited our scope of interaction, and I personally think it’s a little unfair to make judgments like that.

How do you feel about personal blogs following your rp blog? Go for it.

Have you ever cried while writing a reply? Mmmmaybe once? More often my heartrate just raises a little in an exciting moment, or I write out a ten-paragraph response in a one-hour fit of delighted manic wordsmithing, but I've definitely been touched. (I'm just... not very good at crying when I'm focused on writing. 8F)

Do you read other people’s threads or do you only read your own? There's definitely a bias towards my own! (Before my EHD died, I had about a hundred and fifty rps saved as word documents.) But I also enjoy reading others' threads.

What’s one thing that other people seem to hate that doesn’t bother you? Hmm...Spelling and grammatical errors. When I was copying chat rps to word docs, I started editing the replies for readability, and that habit kinda transferred to Tumblr, so when I'm not in a hurry, or I have an Unusually Long Attention Span, when I copy the replies, sometimes I'll just edit them, but I'm not mad about it. Just got into that habit.

How do you feel about tagging triggers? Do you tag them? How do you determine what is triggering content and what isn’t? It is absolutely ESSENTIAL for me to have triggers tagged for ME, so of course I extend the same courtesy to others. I don't presume to know what triggers people; I've made it very clear that if anyone needs something tagged, they just have to ask, and I'll tag it. No questions asked. (Though if they want to vent about it, I'm open to that too.)

What advice would you give to someone new to rp? Just GO for it! I know it can be scary and intimidating and overwhelming to see a great writer and think, "Gosh I want to interact with them So Much".. .and you know what, sometimes you will get rejected. Sometimes you just won't mesh with muns. Sometimes your characters don't have a very exciting dynamic. But you'll never find those Goldmine RP Partners if you don't at least ASK.

[eldritchsurveys]

o24.

1. A Song you’re ashamed of liking >> LMAO you tried it.

2. Favourite lyrics >> *rolls dice* “Every night, in every pore, the scales that do slither deliver me from... Freeze without an answer, free from all the shame; then I'll hide, ‘cause I'll never... never sleep alone.” (The Mars Volta, The Widow)

3. Favourite band/artist >> *rolls dice* Pearl Jam.

4. Top 5 Favourite songs at this moment >> Hmm... Turbo Killer by Carpenter Brut; Blood in the River by Zeal & Ardor; Exist by Avenged Sevenfold; Fundamentally Loathsome by Marilyn Manson; Rotlaust tre fell by Wardruna.

5. Latest song that made you smile >> I don’t remember the latest one, but a song that makes me smile is Feathers by Coheed and Cambria because I think of the ridiculous ass video.

6. An overrated band >> I don’t know what it means to be overrated.

7. An overrated song >> ---

8. Latest song that made you cry >> Probably that track from Interstellar, Cornfield Chase.

9. Artist/band that saved your life  >> Creed, Pearl Jam, My Chemical Romance, and AFI all had their hand in it, I’m sure.

10. If you could see any band/artist live, who would it be >> I’d love to see Wardruna!

11. What song/album/band/artist always brings back memories for you >> The Dear Hunter, Black Sandy Beaches. I was listening to that when the plane started to descend into Colorado Springs the... last time, I think? Whatever time. But that’s what I always think about, how that felt.

12. saddest song you know >> A sad song I know in general, one that makes me really sad just to hear, is A Perfect Circle’s 3 Libras.

13. Favourite song to sing in the shower >> Blood Red Summer, Coheed and Cambria. Or any of the Doomstar Requiem songs.

14. If you played an instrument in grade school, what was it >> I didn’t, I was a choir nerd since the beginning.

15. What song would you like to have your first dance to at your wedding >> I don’t know.

16. 5 Songs to have sex to >> Fundamentally Loathsome, as fucked up a song as it is, it has such a sensual groove that really hits me in the no-no parts, just sayin. Rev 22:20 by Puscifer. Helvegen by Wardruna is a... I think it’s a dirge, actually, but I guess I like the idea of having sex to strange songs. Leave me alone. I can’t think of any others at the moment, but that’s enough insight into my weird kinks anyway, NEXT.

17. One band you’d have get back together/bring back from the dead >> One more Type O Negative album might have been cool. IDK.

18. You’re forced to listen to only one album for the rest of your life, what album is it >> Hm.

19. A song that gets you through shit >> I Know It’s Gonna Happen Someday, David Bowie. Just... *clutches chest*

20. A song to shut everything out >> I’m thinking like... doom or sludge metal here. But I can’t think of any songs off the top of my head, I just know that particular sound works great for shutting out the world.

21. A song that’s a joke between you and your friends  >> ---

22. A song to jam out to at 4am >> Morte Lumina, Dethklok.

23. A song that punches you in the gut every single time  >> The Ghost of You, My Chemical Romance.

24. A song that calms you down >> Love Boat Captain, Pearl Jam.

25. A song that makes you feel alive  >> There She Goes, My Beautiful World, Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds.

26. If you could get any lyrics tattooed, which would you choose >> Oh man, I couldn’t even begin to choose. Do you know how many lyrics I’d have to choose from?!

27. What band/artist would you get your children addicted to at an early age  >> I mean, I think they can get themselves addicted to whatever band or artist resonated with them.

28. Can you play any instruments, if so, which  >> Nope.

29. If you could be a member of any band for one show, who would it be >> I really don’t know, lmao.

30. CDs or Vinyls  >> Vinyls are fun!

31. 25 songs to play at your funeral  >> 25?! That’s way too many, lmao, just play Death is the Road to Awe and call it a day. Then go get drunk. 

32. What are some song titles that you love >> Most of Fall Out Boy’s, lol.

33. If your life ended today, what song would you choose to represent it >> Nope.

34. Can you give me a 10 song playlist on ____ >> I guess this is for if you use it as an actual ask meme, and the person that sends you this one is supposed to fill in the blank.

35. A heart wrenching song >> Ich Dachte Schön, Selig. For me, anyway.

36. A band/artist you’re proud of >> Janelle Monae!!!

37. A song that has a lot of meaning to you >> Nothing As It Seems, Pearl Jam. That song’s been with me through a lot.

38. A song that reminds you of school >> Prayer, by Disturbed, because that was out when I was in high school and I used to watch the video on the school computers all the time. Also, I drew like 16-inch-tall chibi versions of the band from a screencap of the video, and I laminated the David Draiman one and would just carry it around school with me all the time. So, you know, there’s that.

39. A song not sung in your native language >> Percées de Lumière, Alcest.

40. An instrumental song >> The Final Fantasy Prelude song is the first thing that came to mind. :p

41. A classical song >> Elegy, Adam Hurst...? What counts as classical, does it have to be old?

42. A song with no percussion >> Guaranteed, Eddie Vedder.

43. Something you’ve heard performed live >> For the Love of God, Steve Vai. Amazing.

44. Something you’d give ANYTHING to hear performed live >> No Leaf Clover, Metallica.

45. A song from a band/artist that’s from your town/city/state/province  >> Uh, I think Anthony Kiedis lived in Grand Rapids at some point and I don’t feel like looking up bands who are from GR and hoping I know at least one of them, so I’m just going to go with this. Otherside, by Red Hot Chili Peppers.

46. A song made suddenly precious because of a special someone >> May It Be, Enya (for Can Calah).

47. A song made suddenly painful because of someone special >> I can’t think of any.

48. A song that demands lip syncing and a makeshift microphone >> Oh man! So many! But I’ll go with The Emperor’s New Clothes, Panic at the Disco.

49. A song from a band/artist you met/know >> H.O.R.S., Mother. (They’re from NYC. Click through to hear it on YouTube.)

50. A song that you would rock at karaoke  >> No One Knows, Queens of the Stone Age. I cheated on this one, because I have rocked this at karaoke.

51. A song you can’t help but dance to >> Big Freedia’s Empire State remix.

52. A song that makes you want to dance on a table  >> The Lost Art of Keeping a Secret, Queens of the Stone Age.

53. Your 10 song striper playlist >> Oh man, I don’t know if I have 10 songs for this! I’ll have to make a stripper playlist one day and come back to this.

54. Favourite Disney song  >> Hellfire, obviously. It’s me, after all.

55. A song that starts with the first letter of your name >> Lady Grinning Soul, David Bowie.

56. A song from an artist still alive  >> Younger, Seinabo Sey.

57. A song from an artist who’s dead >> Lazarus, David Bowie.

58. A song you love by an artist/band you hate  >> Meh.

59. A song you love with a colour in the title >> Orange Crush, R.E.M.

60. A song you love with a number in the title >> One, Creed.

61. A song that reminds you of someone you would rather forget about >> Meh.

62. A song that needs to be played LOUD >> Skeksis, Strapping Young Lad.

63. A song that makes you think about life >> These Things, Fuel.

64. 15 Songs that get suck in your head easily  >> Oh no. Here is A song that gets stuck in my head easily: Terra Novum, by Michael Curran, which is the Sid Meier’s Civilization V: Brave New World theme. It gets stuck in my head all the time because one of my tags on my main blog is a lyric from it.

65. A song that you think everyone should listen to  >> Uh.

66. A song that makes you want to fall in love >> LMAO I’m not sure?

67. A song that makes you think about ‘him/her’ >> I don’t know who the ‘him/her’ is supposed to be here... like an SO? Ok then... Noll, kent; Someone New, Joywave; Work Song, Hozier. One for each.

68. A song that you remember from your childhood >> All Coming Back to Me Now, Celine Dion. My JAM.

69. A song that reminds you of you >> Gravity, by Steven Price, for the movie of the same name.

70. Okay what’s the real answer to number 1 >> I AM NOT ASHAMED OF THE THINGS I LOVE. GOT IT?

[rivetgoth]

for the askmeme: odd numbers! (if it's too much you can skip some!)

OOH THANK YOU OMG it’s not too much I love never shutting up about music trust me

1: Favorite band?

Skinny Puppy of course lol. I don’t know who or where I’d be without that band and everything it means to me and everything it’s done for me. I know y’all all know I love it already but I can’t stress enough my love for this band and every single thing about it.

3: What's a band/artist you loved as a child but can barely listen to now?

HMMM My childhood relationship to music is weird. As a kid I didn’t listen to much music of my own accord and I thought that all music sounded like whatever you heard on a Christian rock radio station. The few bands I did get to hear that were actually good I still have warm feelings for (Elton John, Tom Petty, & Cat Stevens come to mind). That being said I apparently had a phase as a really little kid where I loved ABBA but I’m really not not a fan now lol.

5: Are you going to any gigs soon?

Oh HELL YES I HAVE VIP TICKETS TO COLD WAVES CHICAGO IN SEPTEMBER I’ll be seein ohGr, Cocksure, Lead Into Gold, Chemlab, Frontline Assembly, and more I’M SO EXCITED.

9: A song that gets you through shit?

Ggdhhdhdh I just realized there’s no 7 in this ask meme lol. ANYWAY the honest answer here would just be almost any ohGr song because nothing helps more than hearing my dad sing, but another big one that comes to mind in particular is “Witness,” which is a heartbreaking song to me that I frequently desperately need to hear.

11: A song you'd have sex to?

I wanna be fucked to some hardcore industrial hell music. How bout Revolting Cocks’ Stainless Steel Providers. Also Cuntboy by KMFDM, and Rash Reflection by Skinny Puppy? I’m sorry class.

13: A song for when you're lonely?

I love Boy George’s “I’ll Tumble 4 Ya” for lonelier nights, it’s so upbeat and George sounds so happy in it, I feel like he’s there with me telling me to be happy.

15: A song to jam out to at 4AM?

SOMETHING DURAN DURAN. Or maybe Soft Cell.

17: A song that punches you in the gut every single time?

Hmm, Skinny Puppy’s Amnesia, the distorted part always really really gets to me for some reason, although I could write a whole thinkpiece on The Process and how painful that whole album is for me to listen to for so many reasons. On a different note, Psychic TV’s I Love You, I Know.

19: If you had to pick one song to represent what you're feeling right now, what would it be?

Uhhhh Nine Inch Nails Wish.

21: A song that makes you feel alive?

Impossible question, I only listen to music that makes me feel dead. But actually after some thinking prolly traGek by ohGr, the single version, since the ending/second half is just so lively and fun and exciting and it just makes me so happy for Ogre if that makes sense..?

23: What are some lyrics you love to pieces?

Oh god there’s so many I couldn’t ever list them all. Some of my favorite song lyrics of all time include Mutiny In Heaven by The Birthday Party, You and Me and Rainbows by Tear Garden, Kiss by London After Midnight, Promise by Violent Femmes, Everyday is Halloween by Ministry, Goneja and The Choke by Skinny Puppy, Cracker by ohGr, Genocide Peroxide by Boy George... Some of my all time favorite single lyrics include “Everything disastrous is pure” from ohGr’s Bellew and “We’re broken wings but still we’ll fly” from Tear Garden’s You and Me and Rainbows... But I seriously could never list them all. God.

25: What's a band/artist you'd addict your children to from an early age?

My hypothetical nonexistent kids WOULD know and love Skinny Puppy. Have em singing Deep Down Trauma Hounds in their diapers. Glass Houses as a lullaby every night. =}

27: Has a band/artist ever inspired you to do something?

I literally can’t even begin to go into detail with this one; not to sound edgy and stupid but my entire life has been shaped by my favorite musicians and I swear to god every decision I make somehow reflects them so like yes in the hugest possible way ever absolutely.

29: What was your favorite band/artist when you were 12?

OGGDHDHD FUTRET AND LAPFOX LMAO

31: What's your favorite genre?

Just. Take A Wild Guess.

33: Do you sing?

Can I? Yes. Should I? Prolly not.

37: Do you prefer buying physical copies of albums or do you download them on the internet?

Skipping 35 since I already answered it. Anyway, I do enjoy owning physical copies of things, but in general I tend to just download em, since I like listening to music on my phone and stuff anyway where a physical copy would be useless, and I’m a broke college student.

39: Do you play your music out loud or with headphones?

Headphones ggdhdhhd I don’t like disturbing others with my music and I like keeping to myself so I’m not gonna go around blasting my bullshit.

41: A song that gives you the chills?

Nine Inch Nails’ Starfuckers Inc. always gives me chills at the end lol. Also Everyday is Halloween by Ministry, I swear 2 god I almost had a breakdown the first time I heard it. Also Ogre’s shrieking in God’s Gift (Maggot)... I’m gayhhsgsgg

43: A band/artist with an amazing instrumental but really bad lyrics?

OKAY NO OFFENSE BUT I’M JUST GONNA SAY IT AL JOURGENSEN CAN’T WRITE LYRICS FOR SHIT AND I LOVE MINISTRY BUT LIKE THE LYRICS ARE SO BAD SOMETIMES. LIKE NOT ALWAYS BUT. NOT INFREQUENTLY.

45: A song you love to sing to yourself?

I love singing Lou Reed songs and I can play a lot of em on guitar so I’ll sing and play; my favorites are prolly off Transformer, like Andy’s Chest and Hangin’ Round!

47: A song that represents a deserted city at night?

O I love this question. It would depend on the mood. I think my first thought was something Joy Division or Velvet Underground. Or maybe something off of Skinny Puppy’s hanDover, like Ovirt.

49: An upbeat song with grim lyrics?

LMAO I think a lot of industrial could be categorized as this because so much of it is really dancy while the lyrics are a lot darker. Actually just a lot of the music I listen to in general is like this. An outlier from my usual taste that comes to mind is Elton John’s Crocodile Rock which I love, that song is so depressing but catchy and fun. Hmm thinking about it now a lot of 80s music does this too even if it’s not typical goth or industrial stuff. I love music I actually only listen to music that sounds fun but is actually depressing?

53: Do you listen to instrumental music?

Skipping 51 because I did it already. Anyway I do, but not as much as I like music with lyrics since the lyrics are one of my favorite parts of music. But I can’t listen to music with lyrics while studying or writing since I’m a bad multitasker so there is some instrumental music I adore (also. video game OSTs.)

55: A song about drugs?

Immediate thought was Skinny Puppy’s Spasmolytic or Velvet Underground’s Heroin.

57: A band/artist you're proud of?

Oh MANY, since I look up to my favorite artists and their stories so much. Two big ones are Nivek Ogre of course and then Marilyn as well. Ogre because of his entire story, how he started from so little with no experience or background and he’d lost so much and just wanted to do something he believed in and he struggled through so much and battled illness and injury and addiction and lost so much but still to this day continues to do what he does and work towards what he believes in and he’s kind and caring and so full of love. He’s just such a wonderful person and I wish I could be half as good as him. Marilyn (Peter Robinson) for similar reasons, he’s so willing to speak out for what he believes in and not let anyone control him or his identity, and he’s gone through so much and had to fight such a horrible bout of depression and I actually got into his music right before he started releasing his first new music in DECADES. And he just is so positive and seems like he’s doing so much better now and he worked to rid himself of his addictions and is so candid about his mental health struggle and I just admire that so much. He’s going through a rough time right now I hope he’s able to pull through it safely :(

59: A band/artist with a sick aesthetic?

SKINNY FREAKING PUPPY, but if I’m being honest any 80s goth bands are so good and all of them inspire me every single day with their aesthetics lol.

[amorremanet]

“rec your own fics” meme

Tagged by @obstinatecondolement — Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you’ve written, then pass on to at least five other writers.

Confession: I’m torn on which fics to rec because most of the ones I actually like best are “problematic” in at least five ways each and/or will probably trigger somebody, and my impulse is to go, “I pick the tall, smart, good-looking one and plead the Fifth.” But anyway, I’m in a, “Fuck it” sort of mood and working on a different recs list that I just have to suck it up and go, “Fuck it” about, so here we are, yup. I have hit, “Fuck it.”

Please, for the love of god, heed the tags and warnings on all these fics.

When It All Comes Down To Dust (Doctor Who, Mature, Tenth Doctor/Face of Boe!Jack Harkness; it’s rated M but there is sexual content in it, also it’s a tentacle fic that runs on angsty bullshit character study).

I am more proud of this fic than I have any right to be, entirely because somebody once told me, “Oh shut up, you did not write tentacle porn. This is too pretty, you wrote tentacle erotica.” That’s still one of the best compliments that I’ve ever gotten on anything.

consider your best friend’s mouth (Teen Wolf, Teen, Scott/Stiles — second-person Scott POV hurt/comfort prose-poem bullshit).

You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and you’re riffing on, “You Are Jeff” for the umpteen millionth time in the name of angsty Skittles friends-to-lovers make-out sessions for the same reason that I always write Scott as autistic: because fuck you, that’s why.

tell me we both matter, don’t we (Teen Wolf, Explicit, Derek/Scott; look, this is angsty character study bullshit cosplaying as smut).

Also: Derek is 25 in this fic and Scott is 17. They were having sex when Scott was 16 because Derek went, “Well, he kissed me fist” and didn’t think he needed to ask. This is treated as a Not Good thing in the fic, period.

I could just title this fic, “Derek and Scott make bad life choices and really should not be sleeping together, but they’re werewolf disasters and they have sex anyway” because that is literally all that happens. Also, Derek realizes he was wrong about, “Well, Scott kissed me first, so I am absolved of all responsibility for my bullshit choices” (but only because he goes, “Oh shit, I might be enabling Scott’s self-destructive tendencies,” not because he recognizes any other reasons why he was wrong).

But boys spring infernal (Voltron: Legendary Defender, Mature — all of the emotional hurt/comfort, so much angst, it’s another, “I like making fictional characters deal with mental health issues bc it makes it easier to deal with mine” sorta fic, wrapped up in a punk/college/hot mess AU).

This is the tall, smart, good-looking one, mostly because of how it reminded me that holy shit, writing fanfic used to be fun? And wow jeez, it can be fun again.

Anyway: Bi!Keith is (almost) 24, autistic, periodically the source of his advisor’s (Kolivan’s) worst headaches because he’s such a mess and so bad at letting people help him, and really fed up with the punk band rehearsing in the garage under his shitty apartment right before midterms when he wants to be asleep.

Gay!Shiro is a 27-year-old recovering addict with long hair, PTSD, panic attacks, a stuffed black lion, and a serious fanboy streak for George Michael. He and Keith didn’t expect to see each other ever again after some Bad Shit and a supposed disappearing act that went down almost five years ago, but guess who’s the lead singer of the band that’s been keeping Keith awake.

Also, Kuron is Shiro’s twin and we’re calling him Ryou because of GoLion. Bi!Lance is 23 as of July, ADHD as shit, well-meaning but overprotective in his self-appointed capacity as Shiro’s emotional guardian, and pining over Bi!Hunk, who doesn’t notice (because you could hand Hunk a cornucopia of hints, wrapped up in pretty box that has his name on it, and he would go hand the box to Shiro because duh, everybody knows that he’s The Pretty One).

A punk cover of “Genie In A Bottle” is involved, nobody is straight or neurotypical, and I may be in a contest with myself to see how many canon characters I can work into things in some capacity. (For example: Slav is Ryou’s best friend/roommate. I imagine him looking like, “What if Danny Pudi cosplayed as L Lawliet from Death Note.”)

Rain (Teen Wolf, General, Danny/Jackson) — Literally the only fic you don’t have to heed warnings for, because it’s G-rated. Welcome to the AU wherein merman!Jackson grooms cecaelia!Danny’s tentacles, because somebody once told me that it was impossible and I couldn’t write a G-rated tentacle fic, and so I did.

And I tag: @lostemotion @lesbiancleophas @derekslaura @sleepy-skittles @irresistible-revolution @morethanslightly​ @machidielontheway​ and @morphenomenalbabe​ — but no pressure if any of you don’t want to do it. And anyone else who wants to do the thing can just say that I tagged them. Blame me, it’s totally fair ♡

[chimericarchitect]

kurvakiousSexekutionoir 1

-- kurvakiousSexekutionoir [KS] began trolling talentedSalad [TS] at 20:56 --

[08:56] KS: heloo kiwi

[08:56] TS: Hey hey!! It's been a while, dude. :3

[08:56] TS: How's the doggo?

[08:56] KS: way too loong~

[08:57] KS: mooms gooood, still being a

[08:57] KS: bitkh~ ;)

[08:57] TS: SO like, where ARE you now?

[08:58] KS: uuuuummmmm the edge oof a foorest? its at a krooss sektioon oof water

[08:58] KS: yoou?

[08:59] TS: You get lost so easily. :/ As for me, I'm still in the same place. Prol'ly gonna have to move soon though.

[08:59] KS: ooh yeah? why this time?

[08:59] KS: and oo be fair i wanter aimlessly

[09:00] KS: wander*

[09:00] KS: too*

[09:00] KS: shut it

[09:00] TS: ^_^ Because it's not "SAFE"

[09:00] TS: You know the drill

[09:00] KS: yup i get ya

[09:01] KS: hoonestly with hoow kloose we are too the water im kinda woorried aboout seadwellers

[09:01] TS: I can never convince them that it's fine for us to stay in one place, so maybe if you send me your coordinates I can trick them into moving us closer together

[09:02] KS: dude, doo they knoow that i knoow?

[09:02] TS: Uhhhhhh

[09:02] TS: no

[09:02] TS: It's a secret

[09:02] KS: danger.

[09:03] TS: ;)

[09:03] KS: they might hurt me oor moom foor knoowing brootatoo

[09:03] KS: just leave. yoour a groown assed trooll

[09:03] TS: Look, I'll just pick the location without telling them WHY I wanna go there

[09:03] TS: They never need to know you exist

[09:03] KS: mmmmhmmmmmmmmmmmm

[09:04] KS: doo yoou feel the skeptikisim in my exeading amoount oof ms?

[09:04] TS: Yes, I feel it. The Mm's leak into my very core, staining me in an expression of doubt and deliciousness

[09:05] TS: Just gimme the coordinayes

[09:05] KS: kinky~ yeah oone sek

[09:05] KS: {koooordinates SENT}

[09:06] TS: {coordinates RECEIVED}

[09:06] TS: Hey, thanks

[09:06] KS: ill make sure moom doosnt eat yoou

[09:06] KS: aktully shell think its gooood that im getting pakk mates

[09:07] TS: Hopefully I'll be seeing you in the near future. THEN we can worry about your mom eating me

[09:07] KS: i mean its soomething too prewarn aboout

[09:08] KS: ya knoow?

[09:08] TS: Hey, quick question... Is it grassy there?

[09:08] KS: ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooHHHHHHHHHHHH yeah

[09:08] KS: alergies?

[09:08] TS: I dunno. No?

[09:09] KS: then why ask aboout gras?

[09:09] KS: grass

[09:09] KS: gy j5trw4

[09:09] TS: This cross-section of water... Is it a river or a lake?

[09:09] KS: its woooods oon edge oof sea. theres a lake kloose by

[09:10] KS: oone sek ive goot soomoone litatally stinkking there noose oon my skrean

[09:11] TS: oh geez.

[09:11] TS: Hi mom.

[09:11] KS: she likks the skrean when ever she sees yoour writing

[09:11] KS: kooloor bling my left boottoom moost grub foooot

[09:11] TS: What

[09:12] KS: kooloor blind*

[09:12] KS: she likes yoou

[09:12] KS: i think

[09:12] TS: What X2 combo

[09:12] KS: ... when we talk

[09:12] TS: I don't see what that has to do with grub fet

[09:13] KS: she kisses the koomputer

[09:13] TS: How does that have ANYTHING to do with your grub feet??

[09:14] KS: ... yoouve never heard that expressioon?!

[09:14] TS: What's the expression that I'm apparently missing?

[09:14] KS: my left foooot just moore indepth

[09:14] KS: its like

[09:15] KS: thing is tootaly real!

[09:15] KS: bull shit aka my left foooot

[09:15] TS: Oh wait. I think I get it now.

[09:15] KS: i just went krazy with it

[09:15] TS: Okay. So your doggo mom can see color. THAT is your point.

[09:15] KS: yes

[09:16] KS: gooood joob

[09:16] KS: yoou did it

[09:16] KS: im soo prooud

[09:16] TS: eat my shorts

[09:17] TS: Irakit

[09:17] TS: Why do you roam?

[09:17] KS: woodoont yoou wear kakies?

[09:17] KS: bekause im a loow blooood and id like too live?

[09:18] KS: i doont knoow what yoou mean?

[09:18] KS: why doo yoou

[09:18] TS: I wouldn't roam if I had the choice. :/

[09:19] KS: wait why is that saness

[09:19] KS: why stay still?

[09:19] TS: It would be nice to be able to sit still and make some IRL friends

[09:19] TS: We could hang out

[09:19] TS: Find a favorite spot

[09:19] KS: ...

[09:19] TS: Like a picnic

[09:20] TS: sorry

[09:20] TS: That's dumb

[09:20] KS: noow im goonna have too likk yoou foor being kute

[09:20] TS: Crikey

[09:20] KS: noope its sweet

[09:20] KS: tootaly dangeroous and woould happen after the doown fall oof skookiety

[09:21] KS: but super sweet, and kute

[09:21] TS: I mean, it'd be cool if we didn't have to usurp society in order to go to a cafe or something

[09:21] TS: I'd like to meet people

[09:21] KS: thats true...

[09:22] KS: id like too like meat peoople and noot have too run foor my shit

[09:23] TS: Do you even talk to anyone else besides me?

[09:23] KS: woolf moom koount?

[09:24] TS: No. Trolls only.

[09:24] KS: ... i toold ooff a seadweller a while bakk...

[09:24] KS: soo...

[09:24] KS: noo

[09:24] TS: WHoa, you did WHAT??

[09:24] TS: Are you ok???

[09:25] TS: Don't go getting killed on me!!

[09:25] KS: im fine it was like... a sweep agoo.

[09:25] TS: You never told me about that. :/ What happened?

[09:26] KS: he shoowed up trying too shoooot moom. i snarked at him and we fukkin booooked it.

[09:26] TS: A kid?

[09:26] KS: yeah like... 4 oor 5

[09:27] TS: Wow, a young one. No wonder you got away.

[09:28] KS: koold assed doog noose in my spine!!!!!

[09:28] KS: yeah noo kidding

[09:28] TS: It's amazing that you can type while being assaulted by barkbeast snout

[09:28] KS: didnt help that we was in the air and we were in the woooods

[09:28] TS: That probably made his job hard, yeah

[09:29] KS: definetly

[09:29] TS: At least hi didn't follow you

[09:29] KS: alsoo thank yoou foor the koompliment too my skills

[09:30] KS: if he had it woould have been bad

[09:30] KS: foor him

[09:30] TS: You're welcome? But maybe chill with the ego.

[09:30] TS: He PURPOSEFULLY tried to take on your lusus

[09:30] KS: meh, egoo keeps me brethoo

[09:30] TS: *eyebrow*

[09:30] KS: true. whikh means hes fukking stupid

[09:31] KS: *eyebroow waggle*

[09:31] KS: uhuhr9tj-0aet7897t5w5

[09:31] TS: *sighs* Dude.

[09:32] KS: im kareful. im oonly a tootaly booisterooid dikk oonline

[09:32] KS: with yoou

[09:32] KS: kause i have noooone else too loove me

[09:33] KS: if it boothers yoou soo mukh

[09:33] KS: i shall kease too egoo

[09:33] KS: will that please yoou?

[09:35] TS: Ho boy. That took me a minute to translate. Your spelling is atrocious.

[09:35] KS: its my quirk

[09:36] TS: Okay, okay. Just don't be all sad at me okay? I'm not exactly popular, so I don't wanna get rid of you either.

[09:36] KS: oor are yoou talking aboout booiseroois

[09:36] TS: Boisterous? You mean boisterous.

[09:36] KS: yaaaaayyyyy

[09:37] KS: *floops oover* afektioon has been granted

[09:38] TS: You are a loser.

[09:38] TS: :)

[09:38] KS: yoou too~ ;)

[09:39] TS: What are your plans now?

[09:40] KS: i have too fight too keep moom ff the koomputer. perhapse set up soome sikk rooleplay shiz~

[09:40] KS: and doodge droones

[09:42] TS: Drones? Way out there?

[09:45] KS: noot rekently but we may be mooving soooon AFTER YOOU GET HERE

[09:45] KS: moom hit the kaps

[09:45] KS: bus doog

[09:45] TS: You plan on moving again when I get there? :T

[09:46] KS: with yoou oof koourse

[09:46] KS: but yeah, im a little oold too be oon planet

[09:46] KS: i mean im almoost 10

[09:47] TS: Oh shit. Really? :o

[09:47] TS: U OLD

[09:47] KS: yup. yeah yeah yoou little shit hoow oold are yoou again?

[09:47] KS: 9

[09:47] KS: u shit

[09:48] TS: Yeah, well

[09:48] TS: Being deported is the least of my wories

[09:48] TS: *worries

[09:48] KS: being murthered is higher id imagine

[09:48] TS: Murthered?

[09:49] KS: like murdered mut meme

[09:49] KS: well it was a meme when i was like 6

[09:49] KS: good were oold

[09:49] KS: *gooood

[09:50] TS: Yeah, I have NO idea what you're talking about dude

[09:51] KS: its gooood too be oold

[09:51] KS: we kan pass oour shit too yoounger troolls

[09:51] KS: alsoo noot mut but

[09:52] TS: I literally have nothing worth passing on

[09:52] KS: i type fast

[09:52] KS: well theres yoour genes ;D

[09:52] TS: No. Do YOU have something worth passing on?

[09:53] KS: ... noope. looooks like ill have too assist yoou in passing oon genes

[09:54] TS: Ew. Dude, you're starting to sound like Teivel.

[09:54] KS: they makking oon my girl

[09:55] TS: What? No. I don't think he's serious.

[09:55] KS: gooood

[09:55] TS: He's kust a filthy memer like me

[09:55] KS: btw yoou didnt disagree that yoou were my girl~

[09:55] KS: kust?

[09:56] TS: Cust?

[09:57] KS: yoou said kust

[09:57] TS: I meant "just"

[09:57] TS: sorry

[09:57] KS: its ookayyyy

[09:58] KS: whikh oone is teivel again?

[09:58] TS: The filthy memer with a corpse addiction. You know, I could give you their contact information... :)

[09:58] KS: the peakookk oone? oor the lizard oone

[09:59] TS: Lizard.

[09:59] KS: *shaking head vergeroously* noonoonoo noo need too invoolve moore peoople. espekialy a highblooood.... hed aktually have reasoon too turn me in

[10:00] TS: He hasn't turned me in.

[10:00] KS: btw i saw

[10:00] KS: hmmmm i dunnoo...

[10:00] KS: why hasnt he is my questioon

[10:01] KS: annnnyyyyywaaaayyyyy

[10:01] KS: i saw

[10:01] KS: i saw oolive gaurden

[10:01] TS: Oh

[10:01] TS: You like?

[10:01] KS: yoou are a memer

[10:01] TS: I just asked Krolio (the nice peacock boy) and he said I could give you his handle

[10:02] TS: ;)

[10:02] KS: WOOT

[10:02] KS: WHY

[10:02] TS: I'm giving them yours

[10:02] KS: PEOOPLE

[10:02] KS: OOH GOOG NOOT READY

[10:02] KS: DEATH

[10:02] TS: his is aestheticVirtuoso

[10:02] KS: I WILL DIE

[10:02] KS: DATH

[10:02] KS: DIE

[10:02] KS: DOOOOMMMMMMMMM

[10:02] KS: peoople....

[10:03] TS: You are so flashy

[10:03] TS: Take a breath, maybe?

[10:03] TS: It's online.

[10:03] TS: They can't hurt you, and Krolio is super nice

[10:03] KS: right... yeah... ookay..

[10:04] TS: You gonna message them, or should I tell them to initiate first contact with your own alien self?

[10:04] KS: ... but... i koould... try?

[10:05] TS: Go ahead

[10:07] KS: i inikiated koontakt

[10:07] KS: kinda

[10:07] TS: Hey, good on you! ^_^

[10:07] KS: ....

[10:07] KS: i said hi

[10:07] KS: i feel stupid.

[10:07] KS: OOH GOOG THEY RESPOONDED HELP

[10:08] TS: http://www.clker.com/cliparts/e/N/K/a/E/m/green-thumbs-up-hi.png

[10:08] TS: You can do it!!

[10:08] KS: hoo doo i poolite am i sooing it riht halp

[10:09] TS: Just shill out. Talk to him like he's me, maybe? :/ He's cool, I swear.

[10:09] KS: ... hoow oold is he?

[10:11] TS: I think he's 8

[10:11] TS: Hang on while I confirm

[10:11] KS: ... hes a baby

[10:11] TS: Yeah okay you crusty old bag of barkbeast dung

[10:12] KS: smool thing...

[10:12] TS: *rolls eyes*

[10:12] KS: ... were boonding oover the letter g

[10:13] TS: He's 8!

[10:13] KS: mkay

[10:13] TS: How can you bond over a letter you strange scrag?

[10:14] KS: yoour memes

[10:14] TS: THAT IS NOT SOMETHING TO BOND OVER YOU FURRY

[10:15] KS: furry?

[10:15] KS: serioously?

[10:15] KS: nerd

[10:15] TS: :P

[10:15] TS: I just told Krolio that I'm 9

[10:15] KS: what he say?

[10:16] TS: He started asking about why I didn't leave the planet...

[10:16] TS: But that's okay!!

[10:16] KS: ooh dear he doosnt knoow

[10:16] TS: I trust him. :3

[10:17] KS: dooes e knoow?

[10:18] TS: You mean about my situation?

[10:18] TS: No.

[10:18] KS: but if yoou trust him why noot?

[10:18] KS: yoou toold the blue lizard guy

[10:18] TS: It's never come up until now.

[10:18] TS: I didn't tell him!

[10:18] KS: oohhh

[10:18] KS: wait wut

[10:19] TS: I did NOT tell Teivel

[10:19] KS: then hoow?

[10:19] TS: He probably just makes jokes about it because of the color of my font

[10:19] TS: I bet he doesn't ACTUALLY know

[10:20] KS: .... right. noot like every trooll ever uses their blooood kooloor instead.

[10:20] TS: I can pass as Olive!!

[10:21] KS: ..............................................................................................................................................................

[10:21] TS: *squints*

[10:21] KS: doont get a kut, shoow yoour eyes, blush too hard, wear yoour symbool

[10:21] KS: what oother rules doo yoou have again?

[10:22] KS: koommmoon kiwi yoou knoow better

[10:22] TS: Shut up. You forgot that I'm not allowed outside at all, unless we're moving to a new location.

[10:23] KS: again. groown assed trooll

[10:24] KS: live with me in the woooods and say fukk em

[10:24] TS: Yeah, but we both know that I wouldn't last a second out there. :( There's no way I'd be able to keep up with you. Besides, they're all really nice to me here.

[10:25] TS: I wouldn't wanna hurt their feelings.

[10:26] TS: I owe them so much.

[10:26] TS: I would've been culled long ago if not for them.

[10:27] KS: i oouldnt leave yoou behind doooof...

[10:27] KS: ookay noot fukk em then

[10:27] KS: maybe just

[10:27] KS: i need too spread my wings and fly

[10:28] TS: Yeah. Maybe.

[10:28] KS: yoou knoow ill never leave yoou behind. never abandoon yoou

[10:29] KS: unless im dead

[10:29] TS: Tch. Nice.

[10:29] KS: and then ill haunt yoour ass and like stakk yoour khairs oor soomething

[10:29] TS: You're weird as ever, Irakit.

[10:30] KS: and yoour as dense as ever saness

[10:30] TS: Why you gotta insult me like this? >:P

[10:30] TS: You're a butt

[10:31] KS: *head pat* true

[10:32] TS: Hey, quick question... DO you usually cook your food?

[10:32] KS: its ookay noot too understand what im throowing doown

[10:32] KS: um yeah i doo. when i kan

[10:33] TS: How many times out of ten is it raw?

[10:34] KS: ....

[10:34] KS: 5

[10:34] TS: Yikes.

[10:34] KS: maybe 7

[10:34] TS: DOUBLE YIKES

[10:34] KS: id kooook moore foor yoou thoo

[10:35] KS: im used too it

[10:35] TS: XP

[10:35] KS: ???

[10:35] TS: You are cool and I like you, but ew.

[10:35] KS: what?

[10:35] TS: What do you eat, exactly?

[10:36] KS: antler beast. soometimes fish. depend oon what we katkh

[10:36] KS: friuts rare

[10:37] TS: Ever catch a lusus?

[10:37] KS: oonke. but it was woounded too moortality anyway.

[10:37] KS: im noo oorphaner ya knoow

[10:37] TS: ...ever eat a troll?

[10:38] KS: noot sinke i was like 2

[10:38] KS: that was my lusus

[10:38] TS: Your barkbeast is scary

[10:38] KS: shes sweet.

[10:39] TS: And murderous

[10:39] KS: noot any moore

[10:39] TS: Hm? That sounds... ominous.

[10:39] KS: eh

[10:40] TS: Is she okay?

[10:40] KS: yoou have sukh a sooft veiw... its nike

[10:41] KS: shes tootaly fine.

[10:41] TS: I'm not soft, I'm inexperienced.

[10:41] KS: im just noot a kannibal

[10:41] KS: its the same thing

[10:42] TS: No it's not. We don't know if I'm soft. I've never had to do anything dangerous.

[10:43] KS: kiwi its praktikall garenteed that a trooll will eat anoother trooll

[10:43] TS: I wonder if I have?

[10:43] KS: ever had grubskauke?

[10:43] TS: I don't know.

[10:43] KS: its noot too feed grubs

[10:44] TS: Yeah, I have no idea

[10:45] KS: ahhh i see...

[10:45] KS: well theres a khanke ya knoow?

[10:45] TS: Yeah, I suppose so.

[10:45] TS: BRB gotta barf

[10:46] KS: noo doont

[10:46] TS: *fake vomit sounds*

[10:46] KS: man oone oof these days ill tell yoou the tale oof the rainboowdrinkers

[10:48] TS: I know what rainbowdrinkers are. Are you referring to a specific story?

[10:48] KS: i mean what doo yoouthink they eat

[10:49] TS: Just blood. They don't have to KILL anyone.

[10:50] TS: They can

[10:50] TS: But they don't have to

[10:50] KS: isnt it alsoo like a weird sex thing? oor is that just bad roomank3 noovels

[10:50] TS: It... uh...

[10:50] TS: I'm not sure?

[10:51] KS: huh

[10:51] KS: yoou goonna ask?~~~~~~~~~~~~;D

[10:51] TS: Dude.

[10:51] TS: ...

[10:51] TS: ...

[10:51] TS: ...

[10:51] TS: Maybe.

[10:51] KS: yoour tempted!!!!! tesssss

[10:51] KS: yes

[10:51] KS: noot tes

[10:51] KS: wtf

[10:52] TS: I mean, I wanna know but it could be an awkward chat y'know?

[10:52] KS: anyway

[10:52] TS: yeha

[10:52] KS: yes thats true

[10:52] KS: i woould aprookh it ...

[10:52] KS: noot at all aktually bekause peoople skare the shit ooutta me

[10:52] KS: remember when we first me?

[10:53] KS: met*

[10:53] TS: What about it?

[10:53] KS: i loost trakk oof hoow ooften i kinda dik=sapeared oon yoou beakk then

[10:53] KS: we were soo yooung

[10:53] KS: soo full oof life

[10:54] TS: We're not THAT old, dipass

[10:54] KS: and free oof the kurioosity oof wheather oor noot blooood drinking was kinky

[10:54] KS: dipass

[10:54] KS: really

[10:54] KS: when did yoou sleep last?

[10:55] TS: Uhh... Yesterday...? I'm supposed to be getting ready for the move.

[10:55] KS: yeah i guess we shoould depart foor noow

[10:56] TS: Yeah, I guess.

[10:56] TS: You still talking to Krolio?

[10:56] KS: kinda? its awkward

[10:56] TS: What do you mean?

[10:56] KS: loong trails oof skilenke

[10:57] TS: On whose end?

[10:57] KS: yes

[10:58] TS: You could talk about your lusus

[10:59] TS: Or ask about his

[10:59] KS: we did. his steals keys. mine steals my fooood throough big eyes and whineing

[10:59] TS: Everything about your lusus is big

[11:00] TS: Talk abuot where you live. Apparently he lives in a forest too.

[11:00] KS: we aktually said gooood day

[11:01] TS: Oh, you're done talking now?

[11:02] KS: yeah. well with them foor noow... im.... bad at this

[11:02] TS: Don't sweat it!

[11:02] TS: Either way, it's good practice

[11:02] KS: true true

[11:02] TS: Even if things don't work out between you and Krolio, it'll still help you in the long run

[11:03] TS: I almost wonder if you'd be better off talking to Teivel

[11:03] KS: woork oout?

[11:03] KS: shipper

[11:03] TS: No

[11:03] KS: noo

[11:03] KS: ?

[11:03] TS: That's not what I meant!!

[11:03] KS: oohhhhhh

[11:03] TS: You could be FRIENDS you nerd

[11:03] KS: lool

[11:04] KS: yoour sukh a goooof when it koomes too peoople teaing yoou

[11:04] TS: A goof? Am not!

[11:04] KS: awwwwww are too and thats ook

[11:05] KS: are they khewing yoou oout?

[11:06] TS: Who? The Jade bloods?

[11:06] KS: yup

[11:07] TS: Uh, not yet...

[11:07] KS: ookay. gooood doont wanna get yoou skoolded

[11:08] KS: ill have too head in soooon. dawns aprookhing

[11:08] TS: Anyway, Teivel's contact information is gallionicTrickster if you feel like talking to him sometime.

[11:08] TS: I'll go too.

[11:08] TS: He's not usually online, but when he is he's... chatty

[11:08] KS: doont get burned!!!!

[11:08] KS: oohhhh

[11:08] KS: ooh dear

[11:08] KS: pk

[11:08] KS: ook*

[11:08] TS: I won't, you numpty

[11:09] TS: Can I give him your info?

[11:09] KS: ... sure

[11:09] TS: Okay, cool. I'll catch you later then?

[11:10] KS: yup katkh ya later dude

[11:10] KS: btw

[11:10] KS: yoou never denied yoou were my girl ;D

[11:10] TS: Holy shit

[11:11] TS: This? Now?

[11:11] TS: Go to sleep

[11:11] KS: have a gooood day sweet dreams~ byeeee

[11:11] TS: Bye

-- kurvakiousSexekutionoir [KS] gave up trolling talentedSalad [TS] at 23:11 --

@kurvakioussexekutionoir

[mysmessmistake]

How about College AU with the RFA and Minor Trio? Like what their major would be, roommate, stuff like that

I don’t know muchabout collage majors, so I’m sorry if you were looking for specifics. Also Iwasn’t sure if you wanted a MC to be included or not, but I included themanyway. The RFA isn’t running by the way. 

Yoosung

Yoosung was taking a course in     order to become a vet     

The work was brutal

Though he loved it, and he was     sure he wanted to help pets    

It was still brutal

Shares a dorm with Saeyoung &     Saeran

He goes to almost every class

Mainly because he’s scared of failing 

Has all nighters too frequently

Can often be found crying in     the library at 3am as he writes an essay 

He tries to join astronomy club

But he can’t keep up with them     because of his gaming addiction    

Saeyoung fuels this addiction

Saeyoung also messes with him     by hacking into the game and getting a bunch of rare stuff for his own     character     

“I have to defeat him! I     can’t let Saeyoung defeat me!”    

There goes Yoosungs life. 

He meets MC in his class

And

Oh god is he in trouble

Finds he can’t focus in class     because of you

Saeyoung convinces him to talk     to you about a problem he’s having    

So he catches you in the     library one night

“Hey, you’re MC right?     You’re in my vet corse! I was wondering if you could help me with     this…”

He tries to be sly but he’s red     in the face the entire time    

Your friendship and more     blossoms from there on out.    

Also 100% shows you off to     everyone once you get together    

Jaehee

Business & hospitality     major     

She’s a fucking boss

She’s bomb at studying, and you     best bet she gets top of the class    

She works for that shit

She shares a dorm with a girl     she doesn’t know very well, and doesn’t really talk to due to conflicting     interests.     

She’s super invested in the     coffee club at school    

To the point where she becomes     the leader of the group!     

You are also in the coffee club     and you instantly connect with Jaehee, so naturally you two become     friends.     

She’s had friends, but not     friends like you.     

You also met everyone else     through Jaeheee

Jaehee knew Zen, V and Jumin,     and through them she knew Yoosung, Saeyoung and Saeran. 

And some guy named Vanderwood

She has all nighters frequently     as well

Goes to all classes on time     unless she’s sick

Even then she gets someone to     send her notes

A year or so through her     college experience, after she’s calmed down a little about the idea of     college

She realises there’s something     she feels about you that isn’t… just friendship 

She doesn’t say anything, she’s     afraid of your reaction    

You aren’t stupid, you know the     looks she gives you

So you make the first move

It’s slow

But it’s nice

Zen

Drama and Literature major

Teachers pet + ladies man

You’ve seen Monsters University     right? Well, he’s like the Sullivan of the college. 

He has his own fan club

Jaehee takes part in said fan     club     

His roommates are … Jumin and     V!

It’s a little bit of a     nightmare     

His relationship with Jumin is     pretty much the same relationship as cats and dogs…

However

Jumin is very good at calming     Zen down when he gets angry, and bring him back to earth when he’s too     full of himself     

And Zen is very good at     grounding Jumin when he gets a little out of hand, or his ego is too     large.     

And V just tries to make     everyone happy

So it works

He doesn’t study excessively 

“God gave me a gift! Why     would I need to study?”    

He changed this thought after     he failed his first test    

You thought he was a little     arrogant     

He thought you were cute

He needed help with a few     things so you offered to tutor him 

After a few tutoring sessions     he began to flirt, a lot    

He did his best to impress you 

And eventually he just made his     move

Power couple!!!!

You still help him study

Jumin

Business major 

Not that he really needs it

He already knows all there is     to know about business so he’s top of his class

He also doesn’t really need to     study     

Wants a cat but can’t have one     in his dorm     

Also his roommate is allergic

Not that he cares all that much

Because he doesn’t have to     study, and he doesn’t belong to any clubs, his time is consumed by     meetings with his father and arguments with Zen or long chats with V 

You catch his eye when he sees     you struggling slightly in the business class

So like a gentleman he offers     his help

Spoiler: Jumin is a very bad     tutor     

Okay he’s not terrible he just     isn’t good at explaining things on a level you can understand

You appreciate the help though

He flat out asks you if you’d     like to have dinner with him    

No tip toeing around that

You accept, and after a few     more dates and a bit more horrible tutoring you two become a thing

Zen is shocked and wonders if     he’s paying you

Saeyoung

hacking major

Is there a hacking major?

Computer science & programming     major

Top of the class but rarely     shows up

When he does he’s unusually     reserved and quiet in the back of the class, not talking to anyone

Shares his dorm with his     brother and Yoosung

Eats like a true college     student

He studies but it doesn’t look     like studying

Like he’ll be on his computer,     and it will look like he’s playing a game

But he’s actually looking     through the games code    

This is also how he messes with     Yoosung

Should he hear even a peep out     of someone about Saeran in a bad way    

They can kiss their grades     goodbye

Admittedly hacked into the     schools system before in order to change Saerans grade

You meet him when you sit at     the back of class one day because all of the front spots were taken

And you realise that Saeyoung     is not quiet, or reserved, he just doesn’t have anyone to talk to

Because he doesn’t shut the     fuck up when you sit next to him    

Everything out of his mouth is     a meme or a sly comment about the professors work ethic 

Unfortunately you were     struggling a little with the class    

“Alright then smart guy,     if you know so much then teach me”

“Deal”

Well that was easy

His personality just gets     goofier every time you see him    

Eventually you just become a     thing

You both act like it wasn’t a     big deal

But it was

Now he helps you complete the     course and you listen to his stupid jokes! 

Saeran

I saw someone headcannon Saeran     as an art major

I agree

Art Major

He shows up to class a lot but     sometimes leaves during lectures 

Sometimes it’s boredom,     sometimes it’s panic attacks.    

Studies but not intensely

He doesn’t really want to     become an artist, he’s just always liked art

And he’s pretty good at it

He just had to pick a major and     art happened to be one of the first things he thought of

He shares his room with his     brother and Yoosung

He likes Yoosung, but he’s     waaaayyyy too gullible    

He also doesn’t talk to any of     Saeyoungs other friends that much, he tries though

He meets you when he sits next     to you in class one day    

Normally you’re at the back by     yourself, so your comments can go unnoticed

Not today

“Are you fucking- this is     not a hand”

“What the fuck is     Picasso”

“If I don’t eat dinners     for the next week I can afford new paints”

He looks at you strangely, you     catch his look, you smile and put your head down

He looks over to see you     writing ‘fuck colour theory’ over and over again

“I can help you with that     if you’d like”

You were surprised 

You accepted his help     nonetheless     

because

Fuck colour theory

It took some time, and patience     and a forceful push from Saeyoung    

But eventually he confessed 

Artsy couple!!

You often doodle on each     other’s arms

V

photography Major

Obviously

Studies hard, but not too hard

Wonderful student and friend to     all

Golden boy

Shares his room with Zen and     Jumin

Which can be overwhelming at     times

But they’re both very nice, to     him at least, and they do try to get along sometimes

He wouldn’t be in any clubs

He prefers going out and taking     pictures, or hanging out with Jumin    

You met through class

You were paired up for a     project together

“One will be the muse, and     the other the photographer”    

Theoretically, you should be     the muse, right?

Ohhhh no

You force kindly ask him to be     the muse for this project    

He’s too nice so he says yes

The two of you joke and laugh     the entire time     

You manage to get some lovely     shots of him smiling and laughing, when he things you aren’t taking the     picture

Sly V probably managed to     skilfully ask you on a date    

“We should do this again,     however you are to be the muse next time”

“It’s a deal”

“How about its a     date?”

Sly

He helps you with studies and     is always willing to be your muse    

Also he has a lot of pictures     of you

Cutest couple!!

Vanderwood

listen

I don’t know

I don’t fucking know what he’d     do

My headcannon, if he wasn’t     dragged into the mess of the Agency, would be he went to college to major     in psychology and chemistry    

I DONT KNOW!!!!!!! Let’s just     go with it

Psychology & Chemistry     Major!

He’s very reserved, he just     gets what he needs to done    

Doesn’t fuck around

He only really talks to     Saeyoung and sometimes Saeran, other than that he’s usually alone

A lot of people are weary of     him 

He lives in a dorm alone     because no one wanted him as a roommate because he works better alone

You met bc neither of you were     looking where you were going and you ran into each other

“Watch it” He growled     at you

Excuse me?

Excuse me??

“You watch it, you’re the     one walking around like a fucking mountain, don’t expect me to step out of     your way, asshole”    

The sass was amazing

He literally had to watch you     watch away because what the fuck just happened?? 

Of course, Murpheys Law,     Saeyoung saw all of it and teased Vanderwood for his ‘crush' 

He punched him

Gradually the two of you ran     into each other more, around campus, at the library, going in and out of     lecture rooms and hallways    

Until you just sat down next to     him in the library and asked for his help on your chemistry assignment

“You’re in my chemistry     lectures??”

“Ya have been for a year     thanks for noticing”    

It’s a slow, painful process     but the two of you become friends    

And then more…

Saeyoung prides himself on     being right about the two of you     

[omnishamblegreg]

Hey @loveofmylonglife !!

92 truths

rules: once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. At the end choose however many people you want to tag!

LAST …

[1] drink: water

[2] phone call: my auntie

[3] text message: my best friend

[4] song you listened to: It’s Like That by RUN DMC

[5] time you cried: maybe.. 3 weeks ago, if we’re not talking laughter-crying

HAVE YOU EVER…

[6] dated someone twice: no

[7] been cheated on: no

[8] kissed someone and regretted it: yes

[9] lost someone special: no

[10] been depressed: yes

[11] gotten drunk and thrown up: no

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS:

[12] jade green

[13] mint green

[14] lilac

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…

[15] made new friends: yes

[16] fallen out of love: no

[17] laughed until you cried: hooo yes

[18] found out someone was talking about you: yes, good and bad

[19] met someone who changed you: yes

[20] found out who your true friends are: i dont know, maybe i knew that before now

[21] kissed someone on your Facebook list: heh yes

GENERAL…

[22] how many of your tumblr friends do you know in real life: 6 i think

[23] do you have any pets: yes, kitten of the name Mika

[24] do you want to change your name: noo

|25] what did you do for your last birthday: visited my dad in qatar, swam, played board games!

[26] what time did you wake up: like 10.30am

[27] what were you doing at midnight last night: probably watching narcos or being attacked by my cat

[28] name something you cannot wait for: for summer, camping and swimming, passing my driving test and driving cousins about like rebels

[29] when was the last time you saw your mother: like an hour ago 

[30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: my family dynamics- hooo boi i agree with you there. and how i’d handled certain situations. where i decided to do 6th form, being brave enough to confess love. having the brain capacity and energy to think thoroughly for myself about my spiritual beliefs. sometimes i think it’d be easier if i’d grown up not questioning stuff so much

[31] what are you listening to right now: the end credits of narcos. my love.

[32] have you ever talked to a person named tom: ah my old basketball coach

[33] something that is getting on your nerves: my inability to revise for shit

[34] elementary: What about it? if you mean the *cough* sherlock piracy, the actor played alongside cumberbum in frankenstein, then went off and did elementary. felt a bit like he nicked his acting pointers to go imitate him. but im not bitter! oh this means primary school: ledge. i was a loving teacher’s pet

[35] high school: same mostly girl’s schools, year 8 was peak :(, but year 9 was PEAK and best fricking thing ever. i moved a lot but made some great friends. then got stressed at alevels but v funny friends. school is stress i dont need to go back to that

[36] college: uni is TBA. i will enjoy my own space

[37] hair colour: brown

[38] long or short hair: short

[39] do you have a crush on someone: not really

[40] what do you like about yourself: that people trust me a lot, that i make my sisters laugh so much they look like gargoyles, that i have little things im good at. 

[41] piercings: Ears

[42] nickname: depending with who: karimmer/rimmer, kima, karma, gary

[43] relationship status: single and ready to spread my legs. in bed to sleep because thats the most comfy sleeping position

[44] zodiac sign: im a goat

[45] pronouns: she/her

[46] favourite tv show: this is fluid. right now i am addicted to narcos. (not like that)

[47] tattoos: none

[48] right or left handed: right

FIRST…

[49] surgery: just sewing up my chin?

[50] piercing: ears

[51] best friend: maysa my cousin, since i was 3, who i knows near everything about me (every time we meet i just catch her up on the new shit). we fuckin tight

[52] sport: this is FUNNY. but i guess swimming, in a leisurely, non-competitive floating way

[53] vacation: tunisia, like what else besides visit family every summer obv

[54] pair of trainers: MINE DIDNT LIGHT UP ! they were PINK tho

RIGHT NOW…

[55] eating: nothing

[56] drinking: nothing. sad days

[57] I’m about to: watch pedro pascal in game of thrones

[58] listening to: nada

[59] waiting for: nada

[60] want: this is a lot. want to feel energy coursing through me. want to be physically able to sleep for a day. to kiss. to have photographic memory. to actually have a spec of an imprint, a positive, a help, on the world. to meet up with all my old friends. to understand myself. to write something and make someone think with it.

[61] get married: some day. i forget im 19 and family members are suddenly going ‘hey karima wanna get me to find u someone heh?’

[62] career: during and after uni, i’d like to write stories. and do art. academia would be cool, researching and writing kickass linguistics papers about memes. but i do not want to dwell on this 

WHICH IS BETTER…

[63] hugs or kisses: both, but hugs only if they’re proper gourmet ones

[64] lips or eyes: eyes

[65] shorter or taller: taller

[66] older or younger: older

[67] romantic or spontaneous: I AGREE WITH WHAT U SAID BOTH BOTH IS GOOD. spontaneity is madly romantic 

[68] nice arms or nice stomach: oooh. stomach i think

[69] sensitive or loud: yep i agree again ^^ someone who’s both is brilliant, we just both gotta be in the same hyper mood then BAM whole house telling us to shut tf up. overall tho.. someone who’s sensitive and understanding is more important. someone who cant switch to being sensitive is so closed off

[70] hook up or relationship: relationship

[71] trouble maker or hesitant: trouble maker if they’re not like. pablo escobar level trouble maker. 

HAVE YOU EVER…

[72] kissed a stranger: yeah stupid

[73] drank hard liquor: no

[74] lost glasses/contact lenses: yes

[75] turned someone down: yes poor unfortunate souls

[76] sex on first date: no

[77] broken someone’s heart: i dont Think so

[78] had your own heart broken: yes

[79] been arrested: no

[80] cried when somebody died: yes

[81] fallen for a friend: yes rip me

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

[82] yourself: at times. i always believe it’ll kinda be alright in the end, that i’ll get to where i want to be, but i dont always believe i have what it takes Right Now. this is hard to explain.

[83] miracles: kind of. depends. i believe it was a miracle i got As and A*s in my gcses when i barely revised. and that my sister causes rain and thunderstorms when she prays for them. some miracles. i feel like a lot more used to happen

[84] love at first sight: no, thats romanticising someone as a concept and i am all too guilty of it

[85] santa claus: no and i dont think i ever did?! i discovered who he was simultaneously with ‘he’s fiction’. but thats okay with me

[86] kiss on the first date: whatever man i know nothing

[87] angels: yes

OTHER…

[88] current best friend’s name: Kathryn, steph, maysa, rabeeya 

[89] eye colour: brown

[90] favourite movie: shaun of the dead or How I Live Now

[91] favourite flower: honeysuckle, def jasmine.

[92] favourite season: summer whosoever should like to also do this, tag me and go for it!! im a curious bastard

[lesliejonesbooks]

The preliminary rounds are over, and we witnessed two epic battles that left us breathless and fanning ourselves. Oh, the man-flesh! Oh, the pectorals!

Here in the final hours, we’re drunk on all those six-pack abs, woozy from so many come-hither stares emanating from sultry bedroom eyes, buzzing with the addictive, seductive power of alpha… and beta… males. So many pretty men, but only one can be crowned the hottest of the hotties.

And now it’s down to the final two gladiators in this tournament of man-flesh.

In a close contest, Tall Dark Snark edged out MMA Hunk and Rugby Cutie. He goes up against Broody Babe, who beat out Dreamy Demon and Sporty Stud. Which one of these undefeated fellas is the ultimate Romance Hottie for 2017? You decide!

Tall Dark Snark – by Shanyn Hosier

The eye rolls. The cocked eyebrows. A smile dripping with so much sass. It seems like everything he says is meme-worthy quips or increasingly ridiculous innuendo.

You’re tempted to either smack that smirk off his face… or kiss it. Is he simply a jerk with zero social skills, or could he be teasing you because he likes you? Perhaps those soulful eyes smoldering behind all the snark tip the balance. You should be angry—and you are, a little—but you can’t help but smile, imagining a dozen steamy ways to shut that mouth.

*All gifs from http://giphy.com/search/han-solo

Broody Babe – by Sandy Wright

Photo by Christian Coulson/Idols

Oh, the eyes. Dark, smoldering, I want you eyes. Astonishing, bone-melting desire flares in those eyes. He has the passion—and the confidence—to put you first while making love. He’ll make sure you’re weak-kneed and happily sated before he thinks about himself.

I can’t wait for this sexy Irish star to return. He was appealing as a vampire in Being Human, strong and driven as Kili in The Hobbit. But as BBC’s Poldark, he’s hot, hot, hot. Brooding hot and tightly wound. A bad boy with his heart on his sleeve. If you haven’t seen Aidan Turner in Poldark, take a weekend to soak him up in back episodes before season 3 begins this spring. The shirtless with scythe episode in season 2 was record-breaking. Pay particular attention to the delicious dance sequences. Real-life Aidan was a competitive dancer, Latin and ballroom, before his acting career heated up.

And those curls? They’re real. Yum.

Which guy makes you swoon? Vote once by leaving a comment (click the balloon at the beginning of this post) and you’ll be entered to win a $60 Amazon gift card. Voting is open until noon (MST) on Sunday, March 26.

March Man-ness 2017: The Final Round The preliminary rounds are over, and we witnessed two epic battles that left us breathless and fanning ourselves.