#oh boy howdy shits getting real

[crimsongrimoire]

im not sorry for the kind of person i will become when wriothesley gets released

[trashbinbackyard]

I didn't fill it all bc good lord

Get to know the fantasy Finland* blorbos 

*Finland and the surrounding areas

A quick who’s who

Emil Vitfors - the poor lil templar boy

Sif Pyryntytär - forest baddie

Arvid Rävskog - a doctor, a friend witnessing his besties go into death spiral and end up raising their kid

Eha Rävskog - Spoiled lil girl

Staňa Vedeneva - vampire knight

Nikolaj Sakaloitis - death wizard

HOME: Where was your OC born? What was their first home? Do they still live there? If not, why not? How do they feel looking back on it?

Emil was born in the main city, he’s a bastard son of a minor duke. He was sent away to a convent pretty early in his life, at like 5 years old, and the life in the convent is all he remembers. From the convent he was sent to an outpost in the far west to be a templar for some missionaries. He has complicated feelings about the convent, on one hand that’s his home but on the other he was just sort of placed there because he had nowhere else to go

Sif was born to a small hamlet, not even a village proper, on a winter solstice. Her parents were a farmhand and maid for a larger family so she slipped into the family life just fine. She was driven out from that community after an incident with her dad (Pyry, also warebeast and magician) so she had to find another community to sort of orbit. She now lives outside of a commune on her own.

Arvid comes from a line of village madmen (kylähullu), he’s the first one to channel that energy into getting a proper education, he’s actually from near the outpost, went to study in the main city, came back to the outpost, lived with Sif for a while, and then all That went down, got a baby shoved on him, moved to the main city again. He thinks the town he was born in and where his family is from is his true home, yearns to go back there, but stays in the city for the opportunities Eha will have

Eha was born in Sif’s hut, and not too long after that Emil and Sif were executed and Arvid took her to the city. She doesn’t remember any other life, as far as she knows she’s the daughter of a trusted doctor, lives in an estate, has a good education and a lot of opportunities. (she will later find out that Arvid is not actually her dad and she’ll take the journey to the forests to find out what happened to her real parents, real YA heroine stuff)

Staňa is another village girl. She was the daughter of a maid and a maid herself, did a lot of physical labor. At 16 she was abducted by a group of raiders and sold to a noble family. She was a captive maid there and later the noble family turned out to be vampires, who kept her as a blood slave. The thought of returning to her village is what kept her resolve intact.

Nikolaj is the one big city native. His family is proper middle class, they have a nice house, access to education and all that. He’s lived there his whole life. As normal an upbringing you can have for a magician who dabbles in the afterlife.

BIRTH: What was your OC's first experience with birth? A sibling, a pet, their own child?

His first memory of a birth was a lamb. The convent kept them for milk and wool. All he remembers is that it was a messy ordeal and he had to clean up afterwards.

She’s witnessed a lot of births, in the commune every year someone would give birth. She took on towel duty, bringing in towels for the fluids and blood, washing them, rinse and repeat. She remembers a lot of screaming, some mothers wouldn’t make it despite the efforts to save them. 

As a doctor he’s delivered a lot of babies. It’s become quite routine, but he’s still filled with awe when a baby is born. The first birth he witnessed was a family pet though, a dog.

Eha’s first experience was when she begged to keep a stray cat and then two days later the stray cat popped out kittens.

Also growing up in a close knit village she’s been around when farm animals give birth, fellow villagers give birth, avoiding getting involved. She thinks it's all a bloody mess but ultimately just a fact of life.

He’s been a sheltered boy, never seen anything being born but he does have a younger brother who was born when he could actually remember, although what he remembers is being taken out of the house go play in the park for a whole day and coming back and there’s a baby in the house

DEATH: What was your OC's first experience with death? Was it a person they knew, a pet they had, a story they heard? How did they feel about it then, and what do they remember about it now?

A pig, slaughtered and butchered to be eaten. It was one of those moments for a lil 7 year old Emil to come in grips with life and death and the order of things in the world. Definitely a core memory, not a good one.

Her dad was a hunter, so he’d bring home game to eat, just a thing that needs to happen to fill your belly.

Just like first birth his first death was also a family pet, he was pretty young and didn’t really grasp the situation, one day their dog just wasn’t there anymore and life went on

Eha’s been pretty sheltered, the first death she had to come to terms with was a relative of Arvid’s, she was sad of course but too young to understand how hard it was for Arvid.

Staňa’s no stranger to death, farm animals died of disease or from being eaten, people died of disease and old age, like Sif, death was just a part of life. Doesn’t remember anything remarkable of a first death experience

His older brother died when he was young, it hit him really hard. There was a beginning of a plague about to sweep the city and unfortunately for his brother who was almost an adult and living on his own caught it.

EDUCATION: What was your OC's first experience with school or education? Were they homeschooled? Apprenticed? Sent away to study? If they didn't have any kind of schooling, where did they learn about the world or pick up the skills they have now?

He was given a very basic education, he knows how to read and write, do basic math, know the major historical events,his teachers heavily focused on the order of things and the importance of faith, so it was more church teaching with a side of life skills.

Her father taught her everything he knew, how to read and write, hunt, cook, make medicine, do magic, master her shifting abilities, she later inherited his black book, a book of spells and knowledge passed down from his mentor to him and now to her.

Arvid out of this bunch is the most educated, he’s a doctor of medicine but he also studied physics and chemistry. He’s just an overall curious guy who will look into anything and everything. He studied in university which was a really big achievement for someone of his birth status.

Eha has a top education, the city has good schools, she also has a tutor prepping her for university. She’s also a very curious creature and sneaks into libraries 

Staňa has a very rudimentary education, she knows how to read, knows mostly whats going on in her neck of the woods. It was after she turned to a vampire and ransacked and squatted at her captors mansion she started to learn more things on her own. After she went to the city to look for other vampires she was taught more on that

He went to a decent school, and has a good grasp on most things. His forte was arcane magic which he had to learn a bit hush hush on his own and then he later was invited to a circle of wizards after being caught snooping too much

LOVER: Who was your OC's first partner/lover? How did they get together? What was their relationship like? Are they still together? (combined kiss and sxe into this one too)

Sif’s had lovers before. Her first kiss was with some guy back at the commune she grew up in (and turned out it was a bet in the group of boys who can get a kiss from the weird girl). First relationship was with a young woman she hunted for and in return she made her clothes. Romps she’s had here and there

Sif was Emil’s first everything, it was awkward at first. That and all the conditioning Emil had endured and having to break away from to be truly happy and not beating himself up at every chance.

Haven’t given Arvid’s love life that much though but he does strike me as a bit of a keenk. Probably before he got involved with Emil and Sif he had lovers, first kiss was with a girl and he went “hm, no”. He’s been raising Eha as a single parent but that doesn’t mean he’s been kissless and sexless the whole time (Eha doesn’t need to know)

Eha’s had a first kiss with a girl, no proper relationships yet. (She and Staňa will be a thing and like i said I might indulge and have her and Nikolaj have something too)

She’s kissed before, no real relationships yet. There was a time with some of the other blood slaves after killing their captors, they bonded over the trauma and were like “are we an item now? Surely? I feel like we belong together” but it was the trauma talking and neither of them were in a place to be in relationship in

Nikolaj dabbles in romance, he got some sweethearts in school, less in the wizard circle, but you know what happens in those wizard towers. Men, women, neither, both 

(I want you to know none of them are straight and all are mentally ill one way or the other)

BATTLE: What was your OC's first fight or battle experience? What do they remember from it? Did it affect them in any way, and if so, how?

First battle for him was after being clothed in mail, handed a sword and thrown into the far west to the outpost. He was very soon after attacked by very angry forest spirits. They left a massive scar on his chest and it was overall not very fun nor glorious for him, he positively got his ass handed to him

She inherited her fathers role as the veil warden of the area, so she does her part mostly by casting wards and traveling through her territory to see nothing is coming through the veil. But when something does she needs to fight. Luckily for her her first actual battle was against a minor spirit, who after being tossed around fled.

Arvid had not seen battle before meeting Sif, and even then he had to be pushed out of the way for Sif and Emil to do their thing against creatures that go bump in the night. He has seen the aftermath of many battles though.

Eha’s first battle was a fisticuffs with another girl in school, which she won, and she got the first taste of hey, you might not just be a normal girl after all because of how badly she overpowered the other girl.

Her first battle was when the raider came, she gave it a good effort, they did take her kicking and screaming and biting and scratching, but she was no match for armed people.

He was very theoretical in his practice of magic, so his first battle was when he dove to Tuonela, and all the spirits that had not yet passed the river were very very keen on catching a ride back up with him.

KILL: When was the first time your OC killed someone? How did they feel about it then, and do they still think about it now? If your OC has never killed before, would they? Under what circumstance?

She had to kill a witch hunter, it was her or them, she knew they’d send her to a witch trial and kill her, it was pure self defense. It still felt bad. After that many have come after her and all of them have died, it did get easier. (It was easier to wipe out an military camp though, fuck those bootlickers about to colonize HER land)

Also a witch hunter. One that had Sif locked in a church basement (where they first met, how cute), Arvid was helping her escape and Emil stumbled in on the worst possible time. Arvind was already taking her out of the place, Emil had a shadow, Arvid told him to get rid of them, (and Arvid has been a like a father to Emil so of course this boy just does as is told). They successfully escape, and then Emil breaks down over having killed someone (while Sif is digging a bullet out of herself, and Arvid is struggling on who to help right now)

Arvid’s never killed someone directly (and technically he only told Emil to get rid of their pursuer), there’s no way he’d willingly kill someone

Never killed anyone, doesn’t even wanna think about a situation where she might need to, that's just… no, not her life, should not be her life.

She’s killed, her first kill was her master, it was brutal, bloody, cathartic (and then she ate him, she didn’t even know that's how you become a vampire she was just so blinded by fury she wanted to make sure nothing of him remained and consume her trauma that way), it was her taking power to herself, so no one can ever victimize her again. She carries that rage with her as she carries her masters power

He’s never killed, does suspect down the down he might have to and doesn't look forward to it

[ladyyatexel]

Hey, what's up, hello, I'm Xel, I truly have Donald Duck levels of bad luck and yet I do not have the rage button that makes things work out if I throw a tantrum, which feels like yet another failure of media, what is the deal with this.

The deal is:

Temp job had to let me go instead of make me permanent because the economy scared the 5 people over 65 in that department out of feeling safe enough to retire

None of my applications are getting interviews and I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Donald Duck tantrum did not assist me in this realm.

Holy shit seasonal depression I can't get out of bed like.... A Lot.

I have a convention to go to in February where I am selling art in the art show and where I will see many of my friends the only time per year.

I'm scared of everything haha wow 😬

I'm am an artist who just feels too upset and worried to art

I'm having trouble getting everything together and maybe will feel better with some level of stability? I need to do a lot of paperwork. It is proving hard. I have the Tumblr popular suspicions about my level of neurodivergance. (Fun story: I told members of my my family that I have thought in the last two years especially that I might have ADHD or Autism or something, and my cousin said, "Oh, honey *just the last two years?*" Obliterated.)

My abusive dad recently joined a cult and my grandmother thinks he'll try to contact me after 15 years and I'm fucking scared of him and that is Affecting Me in A Way boy howdy.

I do not have the money to pay rent even a little bit! I'm trying to get January and February taken care of maybe? So I can try to exist for this period of time and maybe not have a breakdown or get evicted or something?

Some real not awesome medical junk happening also because why not.

SO, I'm doing Tumblr's favorite thing and being a starving queer artist with brain worms who needs help. If you are interested in helping me out and making a donation to the "Why don't my Donald Duck tantrums solve my problems" fund, I would be Really Grateful.

I am on Ko-Fi, which is really just a funnel to PayPal, over here.

$2500 would keep me on solid ground. I'll try to keep a tally here in a read more along with a expenses tally if that would help you feel better about me! I know I've had to ask frequently in the last few months, so I understand thinking I'm full of it.

I have a commission to finish currently and a few buttons and things that need to be mailed. You could also ask for button and commission, but I am doing prep work for my part of the art show in mid February, so I'm not available until after then for that!

My grandfather used to do a Donald Duck impression that was really good and it convinced me that either he WAS Donald Duck or that old people all knew how to do this because they all talked like this in the era Donald Duck was from.

Here is Ko-Fi again. If there's something you'd like to see me post or unearth in atonement, let me know. If you'd like other places to aim your dead green American presidents, I can give you that too.

Thanks for reading and/or reblogging! Tell me how Donald Duck's freakouts impacted you. Take care of yourselves!

Rent is $710/month, so 1420 is January and February.

65 for the internet, 130

65 for car insurance, 130

65 for electric unless I can get the assistance plan up again, same 130

250 to survive at the con maybe?

Also just like food until i can get the foodstamps stuff sorted??

Gas???

Anyway, that's an idea of what and why, if that is helpful.

Jan 8:

We are at $460!

Thanks!

[affixjoy]

Today I continued my Star Trek journey by rewatching Star Trek (2009) and boy howdy do I have some thoughts.

So first off, I saw this for the first time when I came out in 2009. It wasn’t my first experience with Star Trek, but it was probably my first with Kirk and Spock and that gang. I remember liking it a lot.

Now that I’ve watched all of TOS and a few of the movies with the original cast my feelings are a little more complicated.

Overall, fun movie! I imagine they had to have felt the weight of recasting and redoing such iconic characters, and in a lot of ways they succeeded. It certainly got younger people like me interested in the franchise!

💫 Spock: I do love this version of him. His “live long and prosper” to the VSA is perfectly bitchy and I’m obsessed with it.

💫BONES!! if you’ve read any of my other posts you’ll know that somehow Bones snuck up on me as my favorite character. I love his intro here, and I think Karl Urban gets the tone just right. This really is a buffet for the McKirkers out there, I can see how this led to 1000 academy era fics of them.

💫Kirk: oh Jim. Jimmy Jim Jim. Baby boy. What are you doing. How did being played by Chris Pine (who is incredibly hot) make you LESS attractive??

Obviously this Kirk suffers from some Kirk drift and the added trauma of losing his dad. He’s so much angrier, so much less sweet and nerdy. Rewatching this now I can see why I was so hesitant to like him in TOS because he’s a lot less lovable here.

💫 I get it’s an emergency and they had to for plot reasons, but almost all of Pike’s staffing choices make no sense. Sure, Spock as acting captain, I get that. But everyone else?? Imagine being one of the other people there who has been with starfleet for years and seeing him hand Kirk the role of first officer. The ship can’t be entirely cadets can it?? Imagine the group texts going around after like “thank god he didn’t die because I really need to bitch about this.”

💫 I love all three Uhuras (tos, aos, and snw) and I get why they made her Spock’s love interest here because they’ve got fun chemistry! They have a lot in common, they’re both hot and smart, I get it. But cmon guys, that man is a 6 on the Kinsey scale. You keep pairing him with women and it doesn’t work.

💫 I feel like they worked in lots of little references to classic trek, from plot stuff to smaller details like when Spock enters from the turbolift at the end in a very TMP way. I love that, it makes me feel like the people making the movie really care about the stories and the characters. When Spock Prime says good luck I felt all the weight of his relationship with his Jim and how it changed him. So lovely and touching.

And just how close they made Kirk and Spock stand, especially towards the end of the movie. They were always glued to each other in TOS and JJ must have known us Spirk shippers needed something to latch on to 😅

💫 There’s too much action in this movie for me. We didn’t need to see Scotty beamed into the water tank. The best sf stuff is always story based, I don’t need extravagant fights and cgi shit. I’m sure there are people who watch science fiction for the spectacle but I’m here for the ideas and the feelings.

💫 goddddd everything with Vulcan and losing Amanda. Rip all our hearts out why don’t you. Spock’s mom dying is just heartbreaking. I know they had to lose someone we knew to make the destruction of the planet more real to us as viewers but so crushing to see it.

💫 Old Spock 😭😭😭

He knows right away who Jim is and expects that Jim found him on purpose.

Old Spock just launched right in to the mind meld huh. To me this really says that he and his Jim are on very casual mind meld terms and he’s not fully understanding that this Jim is not his Jim.

Think about how fucking weird all this must be for old Spock. How heartbreakingly strange it would be so see a young version of your husband and send him to a young version of yourself. Meeting all your old friends young selves, years after you’ve lost them all.

And from here out it’s just miscellaneous thoughts I jotted down while watching that don’t fit great anywhere else:

⭐️I love when the redshirt is so excited to get the Romulans and Kirk gets this look like… that’s why you’re here? Dude the battle not the appeal here. A nice glimpse of how this Kirk is similar at heart to TOS Kirk.

⭐️Love you Sulu and your fencing skills

⭐️I love when they stop the lift for emotional reasons.

⭐️“Our destinies have changed” goddddd great speech Spock

⭐️Jim has the look of a man who is frequently escorted places by security

⭐️Spock wants to break Kirk so bad 😂

⭐️When Jim slaps Spock’s back and Spock has a look of “I think that just awakened something in me.”

⭐️Spock you’re calling him Jim already? You slut. (Delighted, affectionate)

Overall I think it’s a fun movie but it misses a lot of what’s at the heart of the classic Trek I love. They try to do everything too fast and it just doesn’t work as well for me. I’m excited to rewatch the next two and see how these versions of the characters change!

[powderblueblood]

THE BOY IS MINE (POWDER'S VERSION)

delighted to be involved in @carolmunson's eddie challenge because when do i not want to write about the boy! looping in @vvitchwords and @howdidyouallgetinmyroom for no pressure funsies, and you if you're reading this and want to do it. tag me! cw: here you'll find eddie x fem!reader in almost an implied situationship... a little bit angsty, a little bit cosmic, a little bit meta. ambiguous ending! mentions of dick and horniness but no outright smut. wc: 2k

“Ding dong.”

Hey, it’s you! Eddie grins under the flickering porchlight, crossing his arms as he leans against the door frame, paint chips falling. 

“Howdy, little hobo.”

“Tch– what a deeply unflattering and libelous nickname. Can I come in?”

“I don't know, it’s been a while…” he says, smacking his tongue against his teeth, “How do I know you haven’t caught something?”

“Look, can we dispense with the cleverness and give me a ‘y’ or an ‘n’ here? I've had a day.” You prop up the brown grocery bag like an infant against the dip of your hip. “and I brought libations.” 

“Booze?!” Eddie's mouth bounces around the ‘b’ and he ushers you inside with a flourish. “Well, why didn’t ya say so? M’lady, right this way…”

And he’s right, by the way. It'd been a while, just the two of you. He'd been here doing god knows what with god knows who and you’d been up the walls doing a whole lot of nothing. But coming back together, it always felt like putting on an old shoe. Comfortable, reliable, broken in. Eddie watches you breathe in a lungful of the Munson trailer’s fragrant air, top notes of stale cigarette smoke and Beefaroni sparkling alongside Eddie's dark eyes as he hops up on the counter. Barefoot, beatific, lovely as all hell. 

You wag your finger in warning.

“Don’t get comfortable, chicken. I have a very romantic meal planned.”

“Oh, you do, do you?”

“Yeah!” you chirp, digging a bottle of horrible merlot out of the brown paper bag. Thunk. “I brought dessert…” followed by a tub of vanilla frosting. Thunk. “...followed by dessert.” 

Eddie, from where he perches, tries to peer further into the bag. “Where's the rest of it?”

“There’s– what? that’s it.”

“Wine and frosting?”

“I cut to the chase,” you tell him, popping open the can and stepping into the living room, “Whose favourite part of the cupcake is the cake part? Get real.”

“You’re nothin’ if not pragmatic,” Eddie sighs wistfully, slipping back off the counter and casting a glance to the pile of dirty dishes in the sink. He swallows and tacks on, “and that is why I like you so bad.”

Eddie shuffles around the kitchen, looking around for appropriate receptacles with absolutely none in sight. Shouldn’t matter, right? But even after all this time, he’s still trying to impress you. even with how… low maintenance this thing between you is. 

“I ran out of, like, nice cups. Is this okay?”

You stare at the novelty mug he’s holding out to you. Like, really stare at it. 

“I'll bring you my ten dollar-est bottle of wine and you’re gonna make me drink out of the haunted bear chalice?”

That thing is really fucking awful. It’s shaped in a convincing enough impression of a teddy bear, but pockmarked like a peanut shell and staring at you with the milky, demonic eyes of an ancient evil. Where does Wayne find this shit?

“Well, I never know when you’re gonna show up so I never know when I oughta, like, polish the crystal!”

“You’re too busy polishing something else in my absence, I'm guessing.”

Eddie's eyelids lower, his brows quirk, his lips curl over all Don Juan-like. “What happens between me and my buffering rag is none of your business.”

“How come you get the Garfield one?” you poke, gesturing to the bright orange cat shaped thing in his opposite hand. 

“Because it’s my trailer and it’s my party and I'll Garf if I want to.”

“What if I wanna Garf?”

“Tough break, sweetheart.”

“I'm the guest, I should be allowed to Garf.”

“Nope.”

“Please?”

“Nuh-uh!”

“Garf me!”

“If you don’t stop, we’re gonna have a problem,” Eddie says, all-mock glowery and stern. “Take your fugly little bear and pass the frosting.”

You brought red wine because you know how docile and touchy it makes him, and he knows that you know. Eddie relishes in it, that faint berry buzz staining his lips and the outer edges of his brain. He digs another fingerful of frosting out of the container and sucks it right down his gullet, so noisily that it makes you clear your throat. You look up from your end of the couch, from that notebook you’re always scribbling in. He wonders how you can even see, since the only real light source in the living room is from the television blaring Headbangers Ball.

“Oh shit. Am I distracting you?” he says, all mock-coquette, and sucks his finger right down to the hog’s head ring with an exaggerated slurp. “From your investigative journalism or whatever?”

You note something down, pointedly, and shove him in the thigh with your socked foot. 

“Stop trying to seduce me. It’s not gonna work.”

“I'm sorry, Mrs. Robinson.” Eddie's voice is a smooth sing-song with some grumble under the surface, his bared, smiling teeth catching the light of the TV. Jeez. 

“I'm writing the biography of some graceless idiot,” you prod a little further, scribbling on the page just to scribble.

Eddie hikes up in his seat, wine almost sloshing over Garfield's open cranium. 

“I fucking knew it!” he cackles, jabbing a triumphant finger into your calf, “I'm your muse. I'm the reason for which your artistic heart beats. I’m your bottomless well of inspiration–”

“You have frosting on your nose.”

Eddie leans toward you, hand still on your leg. His tongue pokes out and swipes nowhere near his nose. “Did I get it?”

“No.”

Another attempt. “How ‘bout now?”

“Mm-mm.”

His dark eyes round out, pout very much pouting. He's a great pouter. That could be what you miss most about him, when you’re away.

“I think I need help,” Eddie whines.

You scoff, setting down the bear mug and the notebook on the ground. 

“You’re fuckin’ relentless, you know that?”

With a couple of shuffles, you plant your thighs on either side of Eddie's lap and cup the back of his head. He's got a smug little look splashed across his face now, one that you know just how to wipe off. Your tongue licks a smidge of frosting from the tip of his characterful, unforgettable, rideable nose and Eddie's breath hitches. His hands, his fingers cuffed up in silver, dig into your thighs. Your faces, inches apart and his lashes falling as his hips ever-so-gently kick into yours.

“Shit,” he breathes, teeth pressing into his lower lip as his face tilts you-ward. “I’m at your mercy, you know that?”

You wind a couple of his curls around your fingers and Eddie presses his forehead to yours with a hum. He’s so sweet. so eager, even at the first touch. teasing his way into it but immediately losing the fight, already begging for more. 

“You’re missing your show,” you inform him uselessly as his hands move up your thighs. 

“Doesn’t matter,” Eddie tells you, with a hairline crack running through his voice, “It’s only fucking Mötley Crüe. I wanna run Vince Neil over with a ride on lawnmower. This is quelling my rage.”

You pull your head back a little and shake it. “You wait all week for The Ball, Eddie.”

“I wait—…” he nearly chases you as you move from him, neck going stiff. A grin masks the earnestness teeming out of him, but the wine has made it a little more obvious. He doesn’t want to come on too strong, but strong is all Eddie knows. “I wait all week for you.”

Your tongue clucks against your teeth and he kind of can’t stand that pitying way you’re looking at him, and it’s kind of all he ever wants to see again ever forever in his whole life ever. 

“Baby,” you mumble, like it’s stupid, and he knows it.

Eddie’s slowly losing the last fuck he has to give. He chuckles, lightly, desperately. 

“But I do!” he tells you, hands sure on your hips, “I do. I wrote you into a campaign this week, y’know—even though I knew you’d hate it.”

“Mm. Even though I told you not to.”

“Yeah, even though,” he shrugs, defiant. “She's great, though—she’s a creature of the fae that’ll bewitch you on sight. And she bends around the light, appearing and disappearing at will, but you can always kinda feel her there.”

“Like psoriasis.”

“Tchyeah. her flare ups are a bitch to handle.”

“Scabby and painful, just how you like your women.” You sit back a little. He registers.

“Aw. Don’t be like that. That’s not even—...” he runs a thumb along your cheek, more for him than for you. “She just needs some soothing and she’ll be okay.“

“Eddie,” you say, and your tone’s not dark, but it could be, “do me a favour. Don’t immortalise me.”

“Huh?” his brows knit.

“It's not good for you. It’s gonna make you think I'm something that I'm not.”

“But…” 

“But but.”

“But what if that’s the only way I can get close to you?” Again, that facetious look on his face, that sardonic smile that’s masking everything except the spellbound look in his eyes. Dark stars dancing in his irises from the twilight of the TV. “And I really wanna be close to you?”

“Making up stories about me? Living in your own head?” It’s something he’s heard his whole life, but you phrase it soft. But he knows what you mean. “And you like that?” 

“Fuck yeah,” Eddie insists. because it’s something worth protecting, actually. “Have you been outside lately? It sucks.”

You give a little. “Salient point.”

“Besides. You write about me, how is it any different?”

“Well, I write the facts. So I can remember you. You write fantasies, so you can enjoy me.”

Eddie shakes his shaggy haired head. you’re not winning this one. 

“Sorry, smartass, but there’s no way you’re writing objective facts in there. It’’s all gonna be tainted from your point of view,” his clutch on you moves to your waist and he sits up a little straighter, “which, I don’t mind. I like your point of view.” A beat. “I like that you’re seeing me at all.”

“Oh. Eddie.” It’s not as if people don’t, it’s not as if… you know, he has nobody, but the way you dig him is special. The way you dice him up.

“God,” he groans, his forehead sinking into your chest, “How can someone make me so emotional and horny. Not right. Feels like a spy tactic. You workin’ for the opposition, trying to take me down?”

“Yeah, because you’re such hot patriotic property,” your hand pets at the crown of his head, “Who died and made you America's sweetheart?”

“This boner is a betrayal of my countrymen.”

“Try a couple of bars of the national anthem and maybe you’ll calm down.”

Eddie's head pulls back so he can look at you, trying to pull focus from the way his dick is straining in his flannel pants. But, tough shit, crapshoot. He wants to press you into this sofa and rut into you slow, feel the suction of you surrounding him. 

“Why aren’t we doing this again?” he asks, bleary-kinda.

“Because you get too sad when I have to leave,” you say into his curls, “and sometimes I have to leave.”

“So why do you still come here?” and when he asks you this, he doesn’t feel sad. doesn’t feel a cold shock, an empty feeling like you’ve described before. Eddie just wants to know, now, while he’s in the warmth of you. 

“Because… well… no one else is worth writing about right now.”

That's okay. It’ll do. He'll take what he can get from you, even if it isn’t everything. Because what he can get is great. you smile at each other, wineskinned and a little lopsided, and you ease yourself off to cuddle into his side while The Ball plays on. 

“God, those pants really leave nothing to the imagination, do they?”

“What’s that?” Eddie or Vince Neil?

“I can see the full outline of your penis head.”

“And what a glorious sight, you ungrateful degenerate.”

“Never said it wasn’t. It’s a nice shape. But.”

You push a throw pillow into Eddie's lap and he hisses a little. “If you don’t stop…”

“You’re gonna hump that pillow and think of me?”

Eddie's brain staggers alongside the beat of Ride My Rocket by Pantera as it blares from the set, looking at you with a cocked open mouth. “Yes! Obviously!”

[thedreadvampy]

best will in the world why would the leopards want to be into reforming the electoral system that can only ever end up with leopards getting to eat at least an amount of face?

(a clue to this is that half the "leopards chewing on you" candidates have recently jumped ship from the supposedly electorally doomed "leopards eat your face" party because the "chewing" party platform is increasingly "leopards chewing your face quite hard and maybe they swallow some chunks, and we threw out everyone who suggested maybe we should dial it back to leopards licking your face")

frankly nobody is less likely to be into electoral reform than new labour, unless it's the tories, but given that they're the only 2 parties which have stood to benefit from FPTP in the last 140 years or something, you know, why WOULD they?

quick unscientific poll for my own interest

[bizarrelittlemew]

okay. i just watched the movie Snakeskin (2001). i bought a physical dvd in the year of our lord 2024 because Taika has 6.5 minutes of screentime in it. and now i'm sitting here trying to process wtf i just watched asjdhfdjsk so here are the highlights (thank you Meow @blakbonnet for going through this experience with me)

first of all, enjoy these screenshots from the trailer (i'm still not sure if they're mandatory disclaimers?):

...but say yes to snake imagery, because there will be a lot of it

we are definitely in 2001. this is extremely apparent throughout the whole movie. but especially from this girl's hair

Taika's character (Nelson) and his girlfriend (Daisy, pictured above) drive around in a repurposed ice cream truck and sell drugs btw. it's called Mr. Trippy.

main character Alice (Melanie Lynskey) is a huge fan of ✨America✨. her best friend is in love with her but she only wants Bad Boys. also said friend's name is Johnny but it's actually Craig

ALSO Craig-slash-Johnny is played by Dean O'Gorman (Fili)??!?!?!?

their hobby is to drive around picking up hitchhikers but only those who look not boring

enter The American. this guy is the most American you have ever seen. americans wish they could be as American as this guy. no one else has ever Americaned harder.

as you can see, i'm not lying. he even says "howdy ma'am" so we're convinced he is a real American

three skinheads are after The American because he stole their drugs (i think). he also stole drugs from Nelson and Daisy, who now owe money and/or drugs to their boss, who also has beef with The American for reasons i'm still not totally sure of

The American not only steals drugs and money, he also has a real gun(!!!) and fucks pretty much everyone?

"darlin'. u gotta earn the raaaiht. ter wear snakeskins 😎"

oh my god the sunglasses emoji just reminded me of the fucking sunglasses oh no i'm not sure i can do this akjsdhjsk this will make sense later i promise

do not learn gun safety from this movie

at one point, there is a whole lotta sheep. we are, after all, in Aotearoa New Zealand. and ok this had the cutest moment of Taika yelling "SHEEPY" out of a car

there's a scene where uhm. uhhh no not gonna describe this i think but. yeah fair warning this movie has some period-typical homophobia let's just say 💀 this is the live reaction:

MOVING ON

if you enjoy the 2000s aesthetic of "look how edgy we are doing drugs" *colorful-haired people on couches in dark club* *echo-y laugh* *hallucinations* *it's mushrooms look it's mushrooms we're doing psychedelics* then this is the movie for you my friend

oh and Alice also did acid at some point while being very "i've totally done drugs before" about it (((doubt)))

GIRL GET UP FROM THAT DIRTY BATHROOM FLOOR

[New Zealand accent] "wow. six and acid." yes she is living all her american dreams as you can see

by nighttime, all three cars (main characters, mr. trippy, and the nazimobile) and the motorcycle (mr. drug boss) have made it pretty far up the mountain, it seems. cute moment between mr. drug boss and nelson. look how :D he is!

but you know a movie with Taika in it needs to have a father figure talk down to him so he gets very 🥺 right after this

lots of shit goes down (i won't spoil too much if by any chance you still want to watch this) and it turns out that the older skinhead guy is the best actor in the movie??

and NOW things get weird

Craig and The American have so much beef by now that they decide to solve it by russian roulette

Alice's reaction to this is something like "ugh, you guys are crazy, i can't watch this 🙄"

like she just walks away?? GIRL THEY'RE AIMING A REAL GUN AT EACH OTHER

she keeps COMPLETELY UNDERREACTING TO WHAT IS HAPPENING like (spoilers from now on) CRAIG IS SHOT AND KILLED and she doesn't even run over and she doesn't even say anything to The American?? WHO SHOT HIM???? he's just standing there??

and then. AND THEN.

ok this is where i fully lost it for several minutes and missed half the following scene. i was fucking HOWLING like actually crying with laughter, i couldn't see or breathe and my partner got worried ksjdhfdjsk ok so here's what happens

they're in the car. craig is obviously very dead. alice is kinda in denial i guess. The American tells her to shut his eyes and she's like why? BECAUSE HE DEAD GIRL!! but she doesn't, she doesn't shut his eyes, no, this is what she does instead

I COULD BARELY MAKE THIS GIF BECAUSE I KEPT LAUGHING TO THE POINT OF TEARS

NOT THE SUNGLASSES ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. THE UNTAPPED MEME POTENTIAL HERE IS FUCKING RIDICULOUS

ANYWAY shortly after this we hear one of the funniest lines in the movie (and it's not even about the shooting and killing of Craig):

"fuck, Seth! this isn't fucking America, you can't just go around shooting everybody!"

oh yeah The American does have a name and it's Seth

i'll just post a few chat screenshots for the next part because i can't really describe it, i promise we're almost at the end

after some incredible visual effects™️, we end with Return of the Sunglasses (and me scaring my cats away because i was sobbing again)

i haven't even really talked about Taika's scenes much (the reason i watched this in the first place) because the ending took me OUT and honestly he is maybe the most normal person in this whole movie. one review (from the trailer) wrote this:

and yeah that may honestly be the best way to describe it. 10/10 movie watching experience, highly recommend. thank you for coming to my snek talk

[wannab-urs]

The Spreadsheet Digest - Fic Recs | Vol 7

Howdy, folks! It's time for this week's recap of what I read :)

As always, you can find the spreadsheet here, and you're always more than welcome to tag me in your fic if you'd like to be included. New and old fics both appreciated; anything from a drabble to a 400k word series is fine; and the only Pedro boy I don't really read is Pero Tovar.

Without further ado here are the fics I read this week and the unhinged ramblings of a madwoman (me) to substitute for a coherent recommendation.

One for the money, two for the show a Joel series by @cowgurrrl

Rockstar!Joel AU with such a sweet fake dating trope lead in and then the most delicious yummy angst. As your resident angst whore this was everything because it was so REAL and so fucking heartbreaking. And then the happy little hopeful ending and then all the drabbles and extras??? AH! My favorite part was the lil instagram stories i think <3

sharing is caring a Frankie/Santi one shot by @walkintotheriveranddisappear

Your friend Santi introduces you to his friend Frankie and uhhhh you guys go make a sandwich.

Only Lovers Left Alive a Joel series by @atinylittlepain

I love every single thing about this. Revenge. Vampires. Blood play kind of? Biting. Etc. This shit rocks.

Waiting Room a Joel one shot by @beskarandblasters

I fucking love what kel did with this song. The repetition of one for the road really fuckin got me too. Angst angst angst.

The Special One a Joel series by @toxicanonymity

What if a reluctant soulmates AU was also a vampire!Joel AU? It would be perfect, that's what. I'm loving vampire!joel rn anyway, but this was such a cool twist on it. Also his vibes in this are fucking immaculate

Copycat Killer a Joel series by @beskarandblasters

Bitch this is so good. Stalker!Reader x Rockstar Joel... fucking perfect. I love how they both kind of suck as human beings a little bit. And that blow job oh my GOD.

Sweet Creature a Dieter series by @wildemaven

I really really love how this story is going. The little town is so real to me and I love all the little places we get to see. The bookstore sounds like a DREAM. And I can't wait for Reader to bond with D over art ahhhhh.

Stitches a Din series by @djarinsbeskar

This fic is so fucking good dude. I love the set up for the whole thing and the reader character is really fuckin' cool. The like... 8 consecutive parts of incredible smut that continues to be genuinely interesting and really fucking hot even after like 200K words is extremely impressive. I'm also pretty sucked into the story and the way Medic is being interwoven into canon. Oh and the introspection we get from Din's POV is *chef's kiss*.... anyway pls god finish this story i need it

False God a Frankie series by @swiftispunk

Frankie asking for what he wants is so... yummy... especially when it's wanting to be your subby lil pussy eating king like... PLEASE. And his praise kink??? I am in Frankie heaven

102 a Frankie one shot by @tieronecrush

I fucking love this ahhhh. I felt so bad for Frankie but also their friendship is so cute??? I love the unrequited love//idiots to lovers trope

Safe in my Arms an Ezra one shot by @mishasminion360

Ezra struggling to adjust to having one less limb and me crying about it. This was so fucking good. The raw emotion he feels and reader's unwavering support... the realism in saying something that accidentally hurts his feelings and trying to take over tasks he might find difficult AGH. I love this so much

Leave Off Your Wandering a Joel series by @oonajaeadira

Adira, I fall in love with every single little world you create without fail. This is obviously no exception. Your sheep ranch is a dream. The way you build up this backstory with the Roostlings and the friendship with Tommy and Maria and just all these extra little details you take the time to flesh out and weave into the story... makes my heart sing, friend. I adore this <3

-------- fics i read a while ago and never recommended -------

Name a Javi P one shot by @joelscruff

Consent a Dieter series by @fuckyeahdindjarin

Whiskey, Dark and Deep a Jack one shot by @prolix-yuy

Stay on the Screenplay a Dieter series by jazzelsaur (ao3)

A Safe Haven a Joel series by @joelsgreys

Psychomanteum a Dieter series by @whatsnewalycat

In Name Only an Oberyn series by @forever-rogue

------

I haven't written a word in weeks, so once again no updates for me :/

-----

Happy Reading

[luckycharms1701]

Howdy Hon! I hope you’re having a fantastic day and just want to send all the love and holiday well wishes!

Just wondering if I might make a super duper self indulgent request? If you’re not feeling it, that’s totally ok hon. Please please take care of yourself first!

But if it’s not too much I was wondering on how you would think the boys (either Rise or Bayverse you can pick) would react to a having SO who was like “strong independent women who needs no man” AKA she’s been taking care of herself and others for so long that she doesn’t know the first thing about receiving care back. As such she gets defensive and tries to “out take care of someone”

AnYhOo, no stress no worries if you’re not in the mood. If so, I heard you like flowers? Here’s a Buttercup for you then! All the loves 🧡🌼

howdy!! thank you for the love and holiday wishes anon-chan! sending them back to you!!

i really love this request! sorry it’s taken me so long to get to it, i wanted to give it the thought it deserved and i’ve been a bit busy with real life lol

thank you so much for the buttercup! ☺️🌼 i love buttercups!! i’m starting to amass a small flower collection from y’all lol i love it

doing bayverse mostly because the thought of bay leo dealing with this cracks me up

Leonardo

Speaking of our boy in blue, oh does he get testy about it. He’s the type who wants to wait on his partner hand and foot, so the fact that you won’t let him? It drives him insane. What do you mean you don’t want him to do everything for you?

He pulls out a chair for you? You sit elsewhere. He asks what’s wrong when he knows you’re upset? You tell him it’s nothing. He brings you flowers? You start handing them out to his brothers?????

Leo tries to be reasonable, he does. But when he brings it up you are dismissive. This is how you’ve always operated, you don’t see the problem. What does he mean, you’re not supposed to give and give and give until there’s nothing left?

It’s driving him up a wall. So he makes a plan. If talking to you about it isn’t going to help you see the problem, then he’ll just have to show you.

Suddenly every time you try to do something for Leo he deflects or ignores or dismisses it.

You go to make his favorite tea? He pulls the box out of your hands and makes it himself. You bring him his favorite cookies, handmade? He doesn’t touch them, Mikey eats most of them. You try to give him a post-workout massage? He walks off.

You are upset and confused, until the next time he pulls out a chair for you. You almost sit elsewhere, but the resigned look on his face hits you like a ton of bricks, and you suddenly get what’s been happening.

You sit in the chair he pulled out. Later, when you’re alone, the two of you talk it out and there are many hugs and some tears. You make more of an effort to let him do things for you, and he makes more of an effort to let you do some things yourself. Perfectly balanced, as all things should be.

Raphael

Contrary to his brother’s opinion, Raph’s brains are not in his biceps. He’s quite perceptive, and he sees what’s going on. He is not quite sure of what to do about it though. That frustrates him a bit.

Talking to you is right out. He just knows he won't get the words out right and he'll upset you somehow. Besides, he's a man of action.

Funnily enough, his campaign starts out with words. Nicknames, specifically. Princess. Babygirl. Nicknames that are cute, yes, and also suggest someone who gets taken care of rather than doing the care. He also really likes them. Unfortunately, you don't notice what he's trying to do because, again, he hasn't talked to you.

He tries taking a page from (eugghhh) his older brother's book and being gentlemanly and shit. He has about as much success. The less that's said about the time he held the door for you, the better. His frustration level is rising.

Maybe you think he can't provide or care for you? He supposes you aren't that far off when it comes to providing, unless it's protection. If being a gentleman won't work, perhaps being a bodyguard would?

Suddenly he's shadowing you all. the. time. You even catch glimpses of him when the sun is up. It's driving you a little crazy, the lack of privacy. He even follows you around in the lair. Your frustration level is rising.

It all comes to a head the day you find him in your apartment when you arrive home from work. The downstairs neighbor starts banging on the ceiling after ten minutes because of how loud the yelling is. The two of you silently agree to continue the argument in the lair.

When you get there though, Raph just pins you to his bed, and the words finally come to him. About how he wants to help you, be there for you, the way you are for him. He buries his face in your neck and lets it all out.

It doesn't fix everything. But it's the step in the right direction that the two of you need. You come out of his room stronger, together.

Donatello

Donnie is glad you're self sufficient, as it means you don't mind all the time he spends in the lab. You even make sure he eats and has coffee, what more could he want?

At least, until he makes you a little something in appreciation and you smile and tell him that you're thankful but it's okay, you don't need anything from him.

He is absolutely taken aback. You don't need anything from him? At all? That can't be right. He immediately sets to figuring out this problem. After all, how can you be partners without an equal push and pull? You're supposed to be the positron to his electron.

He sees you. He sees how you give and give and give. How you not only never get anything in return, but outright refuse anything offered. This observation does not sit well with him.

He has to fix this. But how? Donnie starts spending more time out of the lab and with you, trying to figure out the best way of approaching this. You notice this change in his behavior.

It’s when you come to him, worried about his behavior of all things, that he sees an opportunity to speak to you. He tries to be as objective and logical as possible.

At least until the end of his observations. Then he hesitates, giving you a small self-deprecating smile as he tells you that he would understand, if this was your way of telling him that you didn’t think he could be an equal partner. That you think him incapable of caring for you the way you care for him.

That, if nothing else, gets your attention. You had never intended to make him feel that way, and you quickly go about assuring him of that. You ask him to help you learn how to be cared for, as you don’t know that you know how to do that. You’ll never forget the way he smiles as he threads his fingers through yours and promises to do just that.

Michelangelo

Sweet boy. Innocent soul. Pure dumbass. He is so upset and he’s not sure what to do. He just wants to love you properly and you won’t let him! Even worse, you take care of him like he is your little brother, not your lover.

He does what he’s always done first: looks to his brothers. However, they aren’t that much help. Leo and Donnie just say to talk to you, but they aren’t exactly clear on what to say. Raph just kind of grunts and glares at him. Perhaps Mikey shouldn’t have asked mid-workout.

Okay. So he needs to talk to you. That should be easy, right? He talks to you all the time. No problem.

His first attempt leaves both of you confused and a little frustrated. He rambles on and on about caring for people and brothers and just makes no sense at all. You tell him to try again when he wants to make sense and walk away.

So for his second attempt he gets serious. Writes down a speech and everything. But when he tries to talk to you, his nerves get the better of him. He stumbles through half the speech before you stop him and just grab the paper and read it.

So now you understand the problem. Unfortunately you don’t think it’s a problem. You’re dismissive of his concerns, and that just kills Mikey. So he turns to art. He picks up his paints and pours all of his frustration, his fears, and his love into his work.

He doesn’t show you the piece. What would be the point? You’ve already dismissed him twice. But his brothers are, as always, looking out for him. Nobody messes with Mikey, especially his partner. So they show you what he’s created.

You don’t necessarily understand fully what is going on in the piece, but the emotions with which it was painted are clear. You realize that this is something that is very important to Mikey, and you dismissed it out of hand like it was nothing.

So you go to Mikey. You tell him that you’ve seen the piece, and you apologize profusely for dismissing what he had to say. You are ready to listen now.

And you do. He is so hesitant at first that it breaks your heart, but as you continue to listen and encourage him he gains confidence. The two of you work together to come up with ways to resolve this issue. And when you’re done, you have your crazy, silly, loving Mikey back.

[butchhamlet]

some reasons you should watch abigail thorn’s “the prince”

i mean, reasons beyond “it’s about trans women in a shakespeare multiverse and abigail thorn plays hotspur.” because--do you need more? but i have more to say, so i’m going to say it.

1. the exploration of the conflation of death and transition. i think trans people are in the habit of pushing back against the idea that transition is any sort of metaphorical death, because so many cis people say shit about feeling like they’ve lost a son/daughter/brother/sister/niece/nephew/gendered acquaintance/etc. but in truth, taking the plunge in deciding to transition, or deciding even to be honest with yourself about your transness, can look and feel a lot like a death, even if it’s a death that’s necessary for a rebirth (something thorn & other trans writers have touched on before). i can’t cite specific parts because spoilers but just trust me that this does a lot with that that made me want to put my head in my hands and scream

2. the interaction with manhood in the history plays. the henriad is incredibly concerned with what it means to be a man the right way--richard ii’s effeminacy assayed against bolingbroke’s stubborn strength; hotspur’s yearning for glory and love of war tied to his destructive masculinity and abhorrence of the feminine; hal’s gendernonconformity through use of language more often than weapons; henry v’s presentation of the english as a virile “band of brothers” identified in contrast to the foppish french dandies. the way this play examines gender--womanhood, manhood, masculinity, femininity, structural misogyny--is fucking delicious in that context, particularly in that the play turns hotspur’s obsession with masculine glory into something of a defense mechanism, as hotspur strives to be the person northumberland and worcester and kate percy expect. (ALSO THE COSTUMING. AND THE SWORD. AND THE DOUBLE-CASTING. AND THE SYMBOLISMS. FABULOUS.)

3. interaction with 1H4 in general. the way thorn cut up this play and rearranged it. i couldn’t go two minutes without turning to my friend and hissing, “this is a line from the real play! except in context it doesn’t go here!” and then gasping over how shifting the context, length, or speaker of speeches brought new aspects of both works to light. ALSO? SO MANY SPEECHES/SCENES IN SHAKESPEAREAN VERSE THAT WERE NOT IN THE ORIGINAL PLAY AT ALL. WHICH MEANS THIS WOMAN WAS JUST WRITING RAW IAMBIC PENTAMETER. LIKE, CONVINCING ELIZABETHAN-ERA IAMBIC PENTAMETER. WHAT. (also also! you don’t have to be a shakespeare nerd to enjoy this play, but if you like iambic pentameter jokes, boy howdy have i got good news for you!)

4. that said, it’s accessible to non-shakespeare-superfans, too! if you don’t know much about the histories, or if you struggle to comprehend shakespeare, don’t fear! the play is doing more than just riffing on shakespeare. it’s at least 50% modern speech, and the switches from one dialect to another tend to come at the most destabilizing and thus hilarious (or gutting) moments. there’s one particular modern-language-paraphrase of a specific 1H4 speech that i haven’t stopped thinking about since i saw it, because it’s the perfect balance of comedic and agonizing.

5. trans people. not just transgender shakespeare characters, but also modern-day trans women! i love that we get both original trans characters and shakespearean characters hit with the transgenderification beam, and i love how many trans people there are; it allows for a more thorough exploration of identity, and also so many good fucking jokes.

6. prince hal is gay for real. not sure i need to say much else about this

7. who doesn’t want to listen to abigail thorn recite shakespeare? not even just 1H4! but i shan’t say more, because oh, baby, that one’s gotta hit organically.

you can read more about it here if you’re not yet convinced, but come on. if you like shakespeare, or if you like art about gender and transness and narratives and confinement and freedom, or, hell, if you like seeing women with swords, i literally don’t know what to tell you i don’t know why you’re still reading this go watch the prince come on now

[onestepbackwards]

howdy! "self aware pkmn masters ex team leaders" gal here, and i just wanted to say that i LOVED your additions to my post! i actually came up with a few of my own in the meantime, and i just wanted to share with ya (not a request, dw):

Ghetsis: after Old Man Plasma is done "rebelling" against your control, you start noticing that he grows.. more attached, in a way. he greets you more whenever you log into the game, and gives you a lecture on "leaving him hanging dry" if you don't log in for some time, whether it being real life stuff and whatnot. he DOES see you as some "deity" in a way, but he cannot afford the disapproval that you might give him if you don't like his offerings for you. what if you end up dropping him from your team entirely? what if you kick him from the trainer lodge? what if you forced him to fight alongside N???? oh, the pain and humiliation! and while he DOES see you as a fitting ruler for Team Plasma, he also unfortunately knows that you don't trust him for shit. and he DOES 'attempt' to be honest and not manipulative for once, but the app's code is holding him by the collar. but becoming plasma's ruler is a standing invitation, so he'll wait as long as he wants.

Giovanni: ah, gio. good ol Mr. "My Entire Team Dies To Grass And Water And Ice". he strangely became more lax and laid back after discovering his self awareness, and he grew more attached to you; mainly because you're the only person who seems to know about him more than he does about himself. oh, you just so happened to mention silver one time? well, now you got giovanni wondering if he can repair his doomed-from-the-start relationship with his son. but his interest peaks when you mention the pokemon anime, and like the Cunning Narcissistic Old Man he is, he wonders how HE is portrayed. luckily, he wasn't butchered too hard. but when you bring up jessie, james, and meowth? boy, he goes into total Angy mode. he rants about how incompetent they are, and how he allowed them to even be in the team to begin with. and he DOES get in character, which is a bit surprising for someone who just discovered his existence is a sham. and expect him to refer to himself as "Vanni" or "Gio", since he heard you call him that when you first got him and it just sorta stuck, yknow?

Maxie & Archie: just as before, Mr. Magma Man and Mr. Sea Pirate remained the same, but expect to see yourself get pulled into their dumb debates and arguments now that they consider you close enough to be a Team Magma/Aqua admin. you can just log in once and maxie will greet you at the pokecenter and be like "ah, (player). i need your opinion on something. you see, archie said that kyogre is the best legendary, but i beg to differ. im asking you because you are the only smart person i can rely on around here.." or archie just going on a 15 minute rant to you about how groudon sucks dookie and that maxie is a man child (they're still besties, dw) that needs to study the SEAS and not (in his words) "STUPID ITTY BITTY ROCKS". you're practically their closest thing to a friend, and that says a lot.

Cyrus: he gets quite curious about your world. you tell him about all the little things, from the blooming of flowers to space discoveries, and he feels like his third, nonexistent eye has been opened. he was already so focused on destroying a universe and creating one dull of emotions that he forgot to see the REAL beauty of what lies beyond. while he physically can't use palkia or dialga to do what he wanted in platinum, expect to see him go full fanboy mode over your world, your town, anything surrounding you. its almost adorable, even when he just has a -_- face the entire time. if he could be more expressive, you bet your ass he would be smiling rainbows at that point.

🥺🥺😭

These are so good

They all grow somewhat attached to you. You are the small bit of sanity they can grasp onto nowadays. Hearing you lets them relax.

Meanwhile, you get to learn about their lives, how Pasio is doing.

It’s strange. When you are offline, theres so much going ok, yet not at all. Not enough for anything major, but enough for it to seem like the place must be alive when you aren’t looking.

Even the bosses have recognized this. How odd it is.

They all grow so attached. If you end up not logging in for a while, you even start getting notifications from the app.

‘Are you there?’

‘Are you alright?’

‘What happened?’

Much to your surprise, they found out how to communicate through your notifications. They often fight who gets to even do so.

Most of them would never admit they are attached, but they all grow concerned regardless.

Archie and Maxie would probably be the only ones to openly admit they were worried. They definitely see you more as a friend, not just a potentially god like entity.

[squirmywuirmy]

My Favorite Tickle Tropes

•Tickle fights!!! So many different laughs, reactions, interactions, people to watch, it’s just so wild card and so fun

•Chasing. This hasn’t happened to me in a hot minute but boy howdy do I crave that heart pounding, gut twisting feeling of someone having their sights completely locked on you, and in your panicked frenzy of trying to get away, you end up dead-ending yourself, or worse, smacking face to face with someone else who is also in on your inevitable torture

•Two lers one Lee. I am going to fluster myself talking any more about this.

•Or two goofy lees getting surprise-tickled at the same time and they’re just giggling and falling into each other 🥺

•Someone losing the strength to stand or form coherent sentences so they become a wiggly, uncoordinated mess 🥰

•Someone trying to act ANGRY in the miDDLE of being wrecked, (or riiight before), and their threats just morph into these goofy, deranged giggles

•On the same wavelength, the stoic, uptight, snarky character being absolutely destroyed and then turning into a blushy begging mess is soooo satisfying

•Someone being a little fART to get tickled, and then having the tables flipped so quickly on them they’re fuckIN REELING trying to gain forgiveness

•PUNISHMENT TICKLEESSSS

•Person A is trying to hide something from Person B, who starts to tickle them to make them tell them where hidden object is

•INTERROGATION.

•Someone demonstrating how ticklish another person is to someone else oh my gOd

•The good ole reaching up to grab something and somebody pokes your side

•That sheepish little smile the lee and ler share when they both enjoyed the tickling 🥺🥺

•FLUSTERED LEE CHEEKY LER PAIRING lOok I know the inverse pairing is the unexpectedly wholesome one, but I just can’t get over a lers attitude being “I know you’re ticklish and you LIKE being tickled” and the lee being too nervous to react in any other way other than flushing a deep red as the ler continues to tease and provoke them about it oh my gosh you guys scarryyy

•Smirking. Knowing glances. Someone who isn’t involved in the tickling looking

•This is more often seen in real life I feel like than detailed in fics, but when peoples attention is drawn to someone getting tickled, and they just sit there and smile at the lees hysterical laughter and squirminess

•Coyness + teasing. This shit kills me quicker than anything. “Why are you so squirmy?” “Hold still I’m trying to do something!!!” “What’s the matter y/n?”

[lovelyrotter]

I read your thing about stridercest. I didn’t super like the ship (I’m more of a lalondecest girlie) but I respect the hell out of the textual analysis you did. Anyway do you have any good fic recommendations? I want to see what you see in it.

oh fuck yeah i love sharing ship stuff especially with ppl who dont usually go here and vice versa for me. its like hell yeah im digging in sand and its fun i love my sand and then i turn around and woah i had no idea there was even MORE sand just behind me ya dig? that might not have made any sense hahaha. its the joy of trading pokemon cards except with ships

but okay heres some of my current faves. bear in mind i read mostly M and E rated stuff but ive got a sprinklin of lower ratings in here too. im also gonna categorize this list by stridercest flavour. theres a lot so this turned out like ridiculously long

anyone else goin through this feel free to link yalls faves in the replies too cause im ravenous. especially if its haldirk. im constantly craving haldirk

guardiancest

doku line terminus & two steps away from the county line by lildogie these first cause theyre my ultra faves rn and i cant get enough of this au. set in the same universe but county line is the prequel. a/b/o verse with lotsa interesting political stuff and also interpersonal dynamics. dave & dirk are there too and are real cute. its also got mysterious time travelling. i really cant sell these two enough like i am not doin these justice

davedirk / dirkdave

if i woke up next to you by bumbly | G, ~2,700 words, complete. SUPER sweet relationship study, made me fuckin melt. this author has really good stuff for other ships too but mind the archive warnings

dont joke about hentai face broctopus transplants im eating cheese n onion pringles here by smrtnik | M, ~1k words, complete. this one made me fuckin melt its so tender. it truly feels like were peeking into their life together. also great title

Stasis State by Caeslin | T, ~3k words, complete. another really intimate feeling one. its so fuckin sweet. mind the tags for typical dirk suicide attempt but its not on screen its moreso the recovery and how dave is affected by it

“stupid fucking bullshit” ad nauseam by anon | T, 13.7k words, complete. REALLY GOOD AU. trans striders, fade to black sex scene. the boys are cute and you can feel how much theyre drawn to each other immediately. wish there was more of this

sometimes the bad guy wins by nutrimercenary | E, ~7.5k words, ongoing. wow. oh wow. ive been looking for a davedirk fic like this for a long time. PLEASE read the warnings and tags but its so fuckin good. a crossdimentional narrative tug-o-war between dave and ult dirk i fuckin love it

got it goin on by bumbly | E, 7.5k words, complete. dirk indulges daves mommy kink after prying it outta him. its cute and funny and sexy it made me smile. their dynamic is sooo sweet

helping hands by ghostlyAnarchist | E, 5.1k words, complete. THIS IS SO GOOD. its got trans man dave and is genuinely one of the hottest transmasc fics ive read so far and boy howdy ive read a lot. slight warning for dysphoria discussion but its not too bad its all just hot af a dick-sucking venn diagram by Elendraug | E, 10k words, complete. first off domestic af. very established relationship and you can tell. its so fuckin sweet. i looove this one. its like the best kind of silly realistic smut its one of my faves of all time

STILL WITH ME by egbert | E, 8k words, complete. dave and dirk strife and then fuck in the bathroom. holy shit this is hot. their want is like tangible in this one

brodave and a!brodirk

hardware by orphan_account | E, ~8k words, complete. dave gets some dick piercings and bro goes insane about them. hot as hell and also features bottom bro which is my fave. its got a couple uses of the r-slur but its also from 2011 so i take it w/ a grain of salt. 2011 and earlier fics are like internet artifacts (/pos)

but you better never pull it by hapaxlegomena | E, 5k words, complete. wow. WOW. sub top bro and dom bottom dave need i say more. this sub bro activates my cute aggression the power play is great mars & murrie's by orphan_account | E, 6.8k words, complete. a!brodirk, omorashi. super hot!!!! alpha dave is sooo embarrassed about his piss kink but dirk wins in the end hahaha. really intriguing which i know sounds funny on an omo fic but read it and youll know. i love this alpha dave

temporal sunset by Plajus | M, 19.5k over 5 chapters, complete. a!brodirk. holy shit what a ride. this one held me hostage and now lives in my brain rent free (bdum tiss sorry). dirk is terminally ill so i know it wont be for everyone but give it a try and goddamn you wont be disappointed. trust me

a swinging pendulum by ghostlyAnarchist | T, ~900 words, complete. a!brodirk time/dream bubble encounter. wow just wow. the want. the yearning immaterial by LPSunnyBunny | E, 1k words, complete. a!brodirk, trans dirk. holy shit!!!!!! holy shit!!!!! hot hot hot!!!!!!! shower sex sensation control!!!!

haldirk

singular by 2x2verse | E, 6.8k words, complete. hal has an existential crisis dirk catches him and then they fuck tenderly about it. genuinely so romantic. im addicted to this kind of haldirk. honestly i just recommend the entire series diagnostics by 2x2verse | E, 2.9k words, complete. i know i just linked this authors whole collection of haldirk fics but holy crap this one in particular. dom/sub electrostim with sensory deprivation, hal is the dom. i LOVE how hes written here. very attentive domming, great details

A Fatal Error Has Occurred by Mortior | E, 42k words, 4/5 chapters. oh mortior my haldirk regent. really fuckin good character writing in an au where hal has an android body before the alpha session is started. read the tags for warnings. the tension between them is insane endangered by Mortior | E, 100k+ words, complete multichapter. holy fuck where to begin with this one. this is a haldirk sensation. post apocalyptic au where androids won the human-robot war. dirk runs into AR. AR takes an interest in him. dirk takes even more of an interest in AR. if youre gonna read any haldirk read this one

"im basically fucking him" series by Elendraug | T & E, all complete. so!!!!! fucking!!!!! tender!!!!! really cute haldirk progressing through their relationship

ridiculously late by cinnamonfreak | E, 21k, completed multichapter. a/b/o au where dirk suddenly presents. REALLY intriguing hal in this one i fuckin love the power play

roboporn by smrtnik | E, 3.9k words, complete. really fun power play in this one. hal is waterproofed externally but not internally. he gives dirk a handie over his open chassis torso. theres also really sweet snuggling afterwards

[yallemagne]

Just quit partway through a video essay of a man desperately insisting that Freddy Kreuger from Nightmare on Elm Street can't possibly be a sexual predator, and the remake (which I never watched, I never watched any of these movies) leaning heavily into the fact that he's a predator is wrong bc the video essayist personally found it "too far" even though in the same sentence he talks about the character literally originally being conceived as an explicit predator and throughout the movies being a heavily implied predator.

This is really what they mean when they say media literacy is dead.

I'm screaming under the cut, girl, help.

People refuse things that are not explicitly stated upfront in the simplest words imaginable. Can't let the horror sink in with disturbing implications, you have to show characters in the act of a crime in order for audiences to admit that it happened. But even then they'll be like "nah it's fake. I don't like that you portrayed my favourite murderer as also being a creep".

Just got sick scrolling through comments of people saying "wouldn't the movie have been better if it was revealed he was innocent---" INNOCENT?? HE STILL KILLED CHILDREN??? Oh, come on, cut Freddy some slack, sure he committed unspeakable violence (I literally cannot speak of it bc I didn't watch the movies, I wouldn't know specifics), but at least he wasn't DMing minors---

ᵥᵥₕₐₜ ₐᵣₑ ᵧₒᵤ ₛₐᵧᵢₙG

This fuck literally has blades on his fingers. And if you cannot possibly imagine how the bladed finger imagery invokes the idea of sexual trauma, I cannot help you.

I don't have the surrounding context but hoo boy howdy I look at this man and I know what he is. Like everyone knew that's what he is, what he's always been, but apparently in 2010 they came out and said it with their full chest and a bunch of people were like "woah woah woah... you can't be making such life-ruining accusations... against a fictional child serial killer"

I just. I. There is nothing quite like a man insisting "yes he kills kids but he's NOT A CREEP!!!" as if that sounds in any way reasonable that makes me feel like I'm going insane. Why are you defending him like he's your friend??? He's a fictional character who is an established villain in his source material. You were never supposed to like him, to wanna go out and get a beer with him. You were never intended to feel comfortable leaving him around your kids, so what's changed? Why do you feel betrayed that the bad man is a bad man? You literally got no skin in this game dude, why are you defending his honour like you play golf with him on the weekends???

How are we supposed to bring any real criminal to justice when people are like "innocent until proven guilty >:(((" about FREDDY GODDAMN KREUGER???

That last sentence is a joke, I'm not actually trying to make a big statement about society because some people defend a reprehensible fictional character. But holy shit.

[bigoltrashpile]

Rereading through some of your stuff, and your sf! papyrus, Hound still makes me just go absolutely feral!!💥💥

GOD! I wanna pin him to the wall so damn bad! (If he's ok with it of course xjhdjs)

Wanna pin him and tenderly kiss on his neck before finding a nice spot and Biting down. Wanna mark him up so pretty that he won't be able to hide in under scarfs.

Like I feel like he can be such a good puppy, but I'm more of a bad dog ya feel lol.

And boy howdy do I wanna bend him over something and just overstim him so bad.

WOOOO YEAH HELL YEAH GET IT HOUND!!! There's gonna be smut under the cut, obviously, this is real spicy~ Minors do not tread further istg

You sighed as you knocked on Hound's door. He had been working on some code for the past two hours, and you hadn't seen or heard anything from him for that entire time. You were getting worried. "Hound, baby, are you in there?"

No response. You knocked again, louder this time, before finally swinging the door open.

Hound was sitting in the dark, face inches from his computer screen. He seemed completely engrossed in his work. The blue light from the screen flooded his face, making his face look sharp and eerie. If it weren't for his shrimp like posture, you would be a bit intimidated.

You strode over to his side, being sure to make enough sound that you wouldn't scare him. Finally, you gently placed a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, you need to take a break."

Hound jumped out of his chair. "fuck-oh my stars, angel, you scared the shit out of me!" He put a hand on his chest, like he was calming his nonexistent heart. "didja need somethin?"

"Just worried about you," you said. "You've been working on this for a while, you need a break."

Your boyfriend sighed. "i need to get this done, though. i can rest later."

"You can also finish this later." You leaned over and wrapped your arms around his chest and rested your head on his shoulder. "Or do I need to make that an order?" Your voice was low and seductive during that last sentence, and you felt him stiffen under you.

"m-maybe just a short break," he said slowly. That was all you needed to start kissing his neck. Without moving your lips from his neck, you tugged him out of his seat and pushed him against the wall. You pinned his hands against the wall next to his head.

Hound let out a small whimper. "d-darlin, please," he begged. "i need more..."

You were more than happy to oblige. You found a good spot on his neck and bit down hard.

Even though he was nothing but hard bone, Hound let out a pleasured yelp. You kissed the spot where you bit him, before grazing your teeth down his vertebrae and to his shoulder. Then, you repeated the process a few more times, finding a good spot on his neck before biting him hard.

After a few more bites, Hound was practically a puddle. The only thing keeping him standing were your hands pinning him to the wall. "angel..." he panted. "p-please, please!" You weren't sure if he knew what he was begging for, but you could give him more than he could ever ask for.

You finally let go of his wrists, and Hound slumped down. "Are you going to be my good puppy?" you purred. You grabbed the loop of his collar, pulling him towards you.

Hound nodded furiously. "i'll be good for you," he breathed, almost reverently.

"Good." You let go of the collar. "Get undressed and bend over the bed."

Hound jumped up, eagerly shedding his clothes off as he went. As he did, you went over to the door and made sure it was locked. You didn't want anyone interrupting this.

You turned around and admired Hound's now-naked form. He was lithe and lanky, but had a hidden strength in his bones. The bite marks you had given him earlier were now glowing with his magic, trying to heal the small wounds you had given him. It was beautiful.

Gently, you ran your hands down his ribs, and Hound shuddered under your touch. "What a handsome boy," you whispered. "And so obedient too."

Hound's hips bucked subconsciously, as if looking for stimulation. His hands stayed obediently on the bed, though. You stood behind him, and looped your fingers in his iliac crest. "Summon your cock for me," you ordered.

As soon as the words were out of your mouth, Hound's dick was fully summoned, already hard. You must have done a good job with him if he was this ready to go, even though you hadn't even touched him directly.

Speaking of which...he had been good. He deserved to feel good. Slowly, you began to stroke his cock, using only two fingers. He whimpered and bucked back into your touch.

You growled and scraped your nails down his back. "Don't move," you growled. "You'll take what I decide to give you."

"i-i'm sorry," the skeleton under you whined. "i just need to cum!"

"Oh, is that right?" A wicked grin spread across your face. "Then I'll make you cum~"

You began to stroke faster, using more pressure. Hound's desperate gasp only fueled you on, going faster and faster until-

"ngh-ah!" Hound let out a desperate moan as he came, shooting his cum all over your hand. His hips bucked back into your hand, but you decided to allow it this time. You slowed your pace as he came, but didn't completely stop.

As Hound calmed down, he clearly expected you to move your hand away. You didn't. As soon as he calmed down, you sped up once more. "a-angel? what-ngh-are you doing?" he panted. His hand came down to move your hand away, but you slapped it away.

"You said you wanted to cum, didn't you?" you whispered wickedly in his ear. "I'm going to make you cum, as many times as I want~" You pinned his wrist to the bed with your free hand. "You are not allowed to touch anything but this bed until I say so. Unless you want me to punish you."

Hound let out a shaky moan. "n-no, i'm sorry." His cock was already hard again under your ministrations. His hands balled up in the sheets as you made him cum once more.

Then again.

And again.

And again.

When you finally slowed down, Hound was practically a sobbing mess under you. His chest rose and fell as he was finally able to catch his breath. You moved around to his head and kissed his forehead. "How do you feel?"

Hound wasn't able to respond, but he gave you an exhausted smile. You weren't sure if he could think at all now. You kissed his teeth gently, then helped him move onto the bed. "Let's rest now," you smiled. "You deserve the sleep."

Even though his limbs were probably jelly, Hound wrapped his arms around you tight. He kissed you back. "thank you," he finally whispered.

"I love you," you smiled. "Thanks for humoring me."

"thanks for makin' me rest," he sighed back. "i needed that. He gave you a dreamy, blissed out smile. "and i love ya too."

[billyboyblue]

Hi! 💛

I saw this in another fandom and now I'm sending the same question to a bunch of Jake girlies (gn) because it’s so interesting seeing everybody’s answers!

Who are your top 3 Jake boys and why? Is there a specific piece of art (fic, gif, fan art, etc.) for them that you like a lot?

My top 3 Jakes? Ooh this is a good question!

3. Elwood Dalton- The most recent and actually the dope that got me to change my theme and whatnot. He's that good.

2. Jack Twist- Because there will never be another movie like Brokeback Mountain. The cast, the writing, the direction, the cultural significance, and the music is of such high caliber to even think it can be duplicated is bananas. Heath and Jake made something undefinable and magical. Created a love so real that to witness it, is to mourn a life. Jack Twist is and will be arbiter of love undying forever.

Donnie Darko- And at number one is Donnie because even though Bubble Boy was my first Jake movie I ever remember seeing him in, it was Mr Darko that made me sit up and pay attention. All of 10 years old in the movies with my sister that dragged me along to see this movie realizing, "oh shit, this is really something. I don't understand, or grasp all this but boy howdy this is cool looking. And that dude is definitely gonna be a problem for me."

Bonus: Billy Hope- And lastly cuz I just couldn't help it is Billiam Hope himself. He's the most dangerous character Jake's ever played because I still to this day think I can fix him. Yo don't even worry about all that Billy boy, I know you need me. He's the reason I have the tag "Tragedy is a boy named Billy" and why I've been BillyBoyBlue for a while. I'm not even going to get in to the nitty gritty because we'll be here all day. He was robbed for this movie.

I'm gonna say what were all thinking, it takes a special kind of actor to have such a spectrum of characters. I can count on one hand the actors with comparable resumes. Where is his Oscar!? What is the problem?

Anyways thanks for asking hun, ☺️ makes the day fun.