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imagining-sio · 6 years ago

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Escapism IV

Escapism IV

Rising Tides

“You’re a vet?” I asked as I took off my helmet. We had just arrived in his driveway from the trip back to the auto-shop, which I was beginning to suspect was merely a ploy to get me to interact with him more.

“Yeah, 107th, where I met Wilson.” He hooked the bottom of his helmet on the handlebar of the Matt black cafe racer.

“And Steve?” I asked again.

“Nah, that pain in ass has stuck with me since we were kids,” he chuckled run his hand through his hair.

“What position were you?” I inquired whilst we strolled down to my inhabitance. His grip tighten on the small box, and he moved his other hand into his pocket.

“I was a scout sniper,” I watched as his chiseled jaw clenched tightly.

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, you know?” I told him, setting my hand upon his arm. He stopped as I walked up to the bronco, propping up the hood again. I looked back at him, and he had an odd expression on his face. He looked as if he was contemplating on actually telling me. He stood unmoving, unflinching, yet his expression travel as if it were a million miles a minute. And just like that, the walls went up; and the charming smile came back.

“Yeah, but I don’t wanna dampen your sunny mood.” He nudged me.

“Yes, because I have such a bright disposition around you.” I deadpanned, eyebrows raised. I crossed my arms over my chest, rubbing my arms.

As I did, a weight fell upon my shoulders. I peered over to find Barnes had placed his jacket on me. It would seem it wasn’t up for a debate let alone a conversation as he went right to work, as if it was completely normal.

“Uh, Bucky?” I asked.

“You looked cold, so hang on to it while I get this in.” He took on a serious more mature tone. He was headfirst into the engine, his tattooed limb about halfway down in the machine. He was in his work mode, and I knew that he wasn’t coming out of it until he was done.

Doesn’t mean I couldn’t have fun with it.

“So Barnes? Who was she?”

“Rumlow’s ex-girlfriend.” He answered, pulling the malfunctioning device out.

“Are you telling me all this fighting between you two has been over a girl?” I scoffed, pulling the jacket on through the sleeves.

“Ha! He wished, then it would make me look like the asshole of the community,” he laughed, unscrewing the wires where it was connected; “They broke up six months ago and she’s been trying to get back at him by flirting with me. Though she keeps saying that he’s had some new interest in someone new in town. Care to guess who that is?” He looked straight me, clearly aware of the game I was playing. I paled, making a disgusted face.

“If he has interest in me, I’m afraid it’s not your concern,” I gave him an expectant expression. I watched with satisfaction as he clenched his jaw and continued working.

“Well, if he tries anything; lemme know.”

“And what qualifies and ‘trying’.”

“You know, anything that makes you uncomfortable.”

“What if you make me uncomfortable.” I smiled as I asked. To which my neighbor promptly shot up, banging his head upon the underside of the hood. I started cackling so hard I doubled over.

“That’s not funny.” He rubbed the top of his head.

“You’re right; it hilarious!” I held my stomach with one arm, pointing at him and laughing even more.

“You’ve been spending too much time with Wilson,” he grumbled, turning back to the project at hand. i had to force myself to stifle the copius amount of giggling from my lips, opting to merely hold my hand in front of my mouth.

“You haven’t been spending enough time with Wilson,” I raised a brow. he glared at me, before his expression changed again. It softened as he held my gaze.

“You’re smiling.” he stated blankly.

“Yeah, I can do that Barnes,” I chuckled, a slight tin of pink oainting my cheeks.

“It nice.” he responded; “I haven’t really been able to see it until now.”

“T-thank you.”

“The jacket makes you look lke a scrawny kid,” he gestured to all of me. Finally completing the operation, he slammed the hood shut.

“Gee thanks,” I deadpanned, though the smile upon my face had a different view.

“No really its cute,” he chuckled, ducking nhis head down and shaking his head. We both started laughing together, trying to get each other to stop before bursting into giggles as soon as we looked at each other.

My phone going off broke us out of the endless cycle. I dug the rectangle out of my pocket, seeing the contact on my screen, paling at the name.

“One second, I gotta take this.” I said solemly, clearing my throat as I walked to the end of my own driveway. I took a deep breath before my thumb hit the green button on the right side.

“Hello,” I said into the device.

“Hey, this is Detective Danvers, not sure if you remember me but I gave you my number before you left town.” The voice explained.

“No I do, I didn’t expect to hear from you so soon.”

“It’s been almost a whole year,” she stated; “We’ve made progress. We have enough to indite him on charges.”

“Why do I hear a ‘but’ at the end of that sentence,” I sighed, looking down at my feet.

“You will have to testify for us if we want to go ahead on the charges.” she sighed as well, I could hear the faint sound of bustling noise in the background of the audio.

“Look I’m not here for a direct answer right now, we havent brought the case to the DA yet. but I just wanted to let you know before we offically come across the country to ask you. I want to give you time to think about it, you can call me when you made your decision anytime, I know how hard it is for you.”

“Thank you detective.” I said; “I appreciate it.”

“So hows life in the middle of nowhere.” she asked. I snorted through my nose, a fond smile appearing on my lips.

“Not terrible.”

“That’s great! OH- I gotta jet kid, take care,” she ended the call before I could say a word. I placed the phone back in my pocket. I inhaled a deep breath, the weight I commonly felt somehow appeared back upon my shoulders. I could never escape it, I honestly don’t know why I would bother to try sometimes.

“Who was it?” my neighbor strode into my peripheral vision.

“No one important,” I started shrugging the jacket off, folding it over my arm.

“Lemme buy you lunch,” he stated, declining my extended offering of his jacket.

“Wait, I should be paying you for what you just did,” I protested.

“How many times do we have to go over this, it’s on the house,” He laughed, returning to his driveway.

“I’m buying then!” I yelled across the street.

“Like hell you are!” he shouted from his garage, although I could not see him.

“Really? Got a problem with a woman paying for you?” I tried inciting him, only to have the hum of the motorcycle echoing through the street. I watched as Steve, Thor, and Clint pulled up on their respective motorcycles. Steve barely kicked the stand out before he hopped off and ran toward the garage where Bucky was pullign out the bike.

I trotted across the street, my cocern amplifying with each step.

“What’s wrong?” I asked the large bearded man.

“WHAT!” Bucky shouted from the garage.

“There’s a problem at the Witch’s Covent,” Clint said simply, a tight expression on his face.

“What happened?” I pressed them, but they didn’t have time to answer as my neighbor was storming out of the garage with his motorcycle in tow.

“What’s going on!” I asked, my tone sounde slightly frantic. Steve approached his bike, starpping his helmet on.

“No time to explain,” was all the blonde said as he sat on his bike, making me back away a few steps. I locked eyes with my neighbor as he revved the engine of his vehicle. I could only back into his driveway as they all drove out of sight in mere seconds. The cold breeze a stark reminder of the loneliness that becme oh so present. The only thing I had to cling to was his leather jacket.

In the coming days, they became more and more solemn in nature. No one came into work to order coffee. I was too busy to try and see what was going on at the shop. Enda and Thomas only said that something had happened at the Witch’s Covent. No one was saying anything, it was getting aggravating at this point.

It was either I had to accept I would’nt find out or I had to start finding out for myself.

I stared out the window, gazing at the sunset of my backyard, the lake was still as the sun glistened over its surface. Everything was still, secure, stable. I couldn’t take it anymore.

I missed my neighbor. I missed him greatly.

I chuckled at the thought of how he would respond to me admitting it. He’d probably make it his ringtone, constantly replaying it over and over at my expence. To my own dismay, I wouldn;t be objected if he did. Annoyed maybe, but in a sentimental way.

I couldnt take it anymore, I had to find out if he was ok. I grabbed his jacket, to which I had been wearing a lot more often than one should; especially when they accidentally stole the item that doesn’t belong to them. I snatched my keys off of the counter, making sure I had a few twenties in cash before I hopped into the newly revived Oliver.

The turning of his engine had never sounded better. It was refreshing to not have to worry about his health since Bucky had fixed his temporary illness. I backed out of the driveway, shifting the gear to drive down the road.

It wasn’t hard to find the place, Edna was right in that I drove by it coming home from work. The place looked like every biker bar would, given the fact that a line of motorcycles were placed out in the parking lot alongside the byway. I pulled into the dirt lot, careful to give enough room from the line of motorcycles. The last thing I wanted to do as anger anyone of the owners, even if I knew them or not. There were some cars strewn in the lot, but not many.

I took the jacket off, setting it in the passenger seat before I hopped out of the driver’s side. I adjusted the grey sweatshirt over my ripped black pants. I strode toward the entrave with a purpose, the dirt chrunching beneath my bright red sneakers. the wooden board creaked as I ascended the steps, the distorted music growing louder. I could easily recognise the sound of glasses slamming to a wooden surface. The rattle of balls breaking over a felt surface. The melodic sounds of laughter and light. A classic dive bar full of locals who had gone there for years.

Upon entering, it only confirmed my suspicions. They were all there, everyone from the auto-shop, wether they were seated at the one large booth in the corner, or playing pool, even throwing darts. They hadn’t noticed me by the looks of it, though the woman behind the bar had looked up from the mug she was cleaning.

“Welcome to the Witch’s Covent, I don’t think I’ve seen you before,” her accent was eastern European from the soudns of it; although not as thick as most. I’ve heard Natasha talking to her mother over the phone and that woman’s words are indecipherable even when she is speaking english.

“I new around here; even though its been quite a while since I’ve been here.” I shrugged.

“So you’re the one I’ve been hearing so much about.” she lit up like a light bulb. Her long brown hair bouncing slightly at the movement.

“Whose been talking about me?” I could chuckle awkwardly in response.

“Oh please, the whole town has been a buzz. Ever since you stood up to Rumlow, no one has been able to get enough.”

“Are you sure it’s not from those idiots,” I gestured to Sam and Scott trying to play pool while giggling like drunken school kids.

“Actually it’s you neighbor who won’t shut up about you.” She slid out glass, preparing to pour a dark liquid in its contents.

“I’ll have whiskey if you don’t mind,” I said before a drop cold pour out. She tilted her head back, eyeing me with a smile.

“I see why he likes you,” she said with a sly smile as she went to grab a bottle of whiskey.

“Wait, he likes me?” I snorted.

“Given from what his friends tell me; yes he does. I heard he let you ride with him last week.” she poured the desired drink. I gratefully took in in my hands, tracing my thumb over the rim.

“I did, though he didn’t really give me much choice.” I nodded my head to the side; “When we got there Steve looked paler than a ghost.”

“That’s because Bucky never lets anyone on his bike.” she said, returning to her taks of cleaning the glasses. My head shot up, eyes wide.

“Really, cause he doesn’t have a car.”

“No he does. He never uses it though.” she chided.

“It’s not in his garage.”

“No, he keeps it in his backyard. One of his continous projects.”

“You know him?”

“Everyone here pretty much grew up together. We’ve all known each ohter since we were kids. The only acceptions are Sam, Scott, and Thor. Sam was in Bucky’s squad. Scott moved here to be closer to his daughter, and Thor? Well, no one really knows with him.” She shrugged.

“I hope you don’t mind me asking, but did anything happen last week?”

“Its a roadside bar, you will have to be more specific,” Wanda gave me a mischevious look.

“Look, after Bucky fixed my truck; Steve and the others pulled up. All I got out of them was that there was a problem over here.” I gaged her reaction, watching as she stopped cleaning the glass in her hand.

“There was a fight,” she shrugged, “One of Brock’s buddies sticking his nose where it doesn’t belong.” she set the glass back with its companions.

“Is that all you’re going to tell me,” I sighed, knowing she was still hiding quite a bit.

“It’s best if they tell you yourself,” she smiled, going back to some other customers who sat at the bar. I recognized one of them from when Brock tried to intimidate me back at the coffee shop. I gave him a hard glare before sipping on my whiskey.

“Well, well, if it isn’t the mysterious new girl,” Speak of the devil. Mr. Local pulled up a stool on the other side of me, effectively blocking me from moving away from his croney.

“Rumlow,” I heard Wanda ground her teeth, “You know the rules. This is neutral territory.” she said sternly.

“I know, Salem, calm down. I’m here to have some fun.” he slung his arm over the back of my stool, causing to move awkwardly in order to avoid it.

“That remains to be seen,” she poured a low grade beer for the man and slammed it down on the counter infront of him.

“How’s your brother? Do you still use a oiuja board to talk to him?” He arched a brow as he brought the mug up to his lips. I exchanging glances between the two, watching as Wanda’s nostrils flared up before she walked away, muttering something in her native tongue under her breathe.

I could only hunch my shoulders, keeping a firm grip on my glass of whiskey, carefully eying either man beside me.

“So, not so defiant out in public are you. What’s on your mind sweetheart,” Rumlow asked, his voicemaking my skin crawl.

“Wether or not I should punch you into next week.” I sipped my whiskey, my gaze burning into the shelves of alcohol before me.

I heard the door open, well, slam was more like it. The light casting my shadow over the numerous bottles. I looked over my shoulder, finding my neighbor heaving for air as his hand was upon the door.

“So, you got the message I take it,” Rumlow swivled around in his chair, a smug expression on his features. I looked over my shoulder again, utterly terrified at the murderous glare my neighbor sent him.

“You got some fucking nerve Brock. If you wanted your ass kicked you sure got one,” Barnes began marching toward him. The burly man on my left, the croney, stood up ubruptly, his chair falling to the floor with a loud thud. As a couter, everyone from the shop stood up, their chairs schreeching loudly.

“Ah, ah- this is neutral territory, Barnes.” Rumlow scolded the man mockingly. The arm across the back of my stool suddenly pulled hard. Yanking me around to face my neighbor.

“Wouldn’t wanna ruin the neighborhood now would we?” Rumlow asked. I could only stare wide eyed at my neighbor as his nostrils flared.

“She has no part in this Rumlow, leave her alone.” Steve said from behind his friend.

“Oh, really? Last I checked Rogers, your hand ain’t up his ass so stop speaking for him.”

I watched as the two men glared at each other. The tension was like gasoline, itching for a match. Any reason to fight was a good reason, no matter how stupid it was in concept. I was not about to be that cause.

I smacked Rumlow’s hand off my shoulder, standing up from my chair. I paid Wanda for the drink, even though she said it was on the house.

“You won’t mind if I do something stupid would you?” I whispered to her.

“Please do,” She smiled, as if she already knew what I was about to do. I smiled, with my hand still on the glass. I looked to the side, seeing that Rumlow was still glaring at Barnes.

“Hey Rumlow,” I called him, making the man turn around. I threw the whiskey directly at his face, watching in satisfaction as fell out of his chair in pain.

“You fucking bitch!” He writhed on the floor, flailing as he tried to get the alcohol out of his eyes.

“I’ve had enough of this,” I muttered, brushing past my neighbor, delibrately ignoring the look he was giving me. I walked out the door, grumbling as I went toward my vehicle.

“Hey, Y/N! Wait up!” I heard my neighbor call after me.

“Oh, so now you wanna talk to me!” I said, not bothering to turn around as I continued toward Oliver.

“Hey, hey, hey,” His footsteps grew louder and I felt his hand grasp my arm. I yanked myself out of my grip, finally turning to face him.

Why the hell did this man have to be so good looking.

“What!” I said, the anger boiling throuhgh my veins.

“What do you want, Bucky! One minute you are being all nice and neighborly, and the next you don’t even give me the time of day. I don’t care how you and Rumlow started fighting, I really don’t. But don’t drag me into your bullshit!” I ferociously poked my finger into his chest to annunciate my point.

I was snapped out of my reverie when his iron clad grip encomassed my wrist. The dull pain from loss of circulation was growing, sure to leave a bruise tomorrow morning. His expression was turning dark, and he had yet to say a word.

“Barnes, let me go.” I said, desperately trying to keep all of the memories from flooding through my head.

“No,” he said; “You need to listen to me.”

“Let. Me. Go.” I tried to pry out of his grip, but to no avail. He trudged through the heavy wind back toward the bar. I dug my heels into the earth, creating evident drag marks in the gravel lot.

“Bucky,” my tone turned desperate as he slung me around him. My back hitting the wall of the building that was cast in shadow.

“No! You listen to me.” His palms slammed on either side of my head; “Brock is dangerous, I don’t like his interest in you, and you need to stay away from him. I know you don’t like being told what to do, but for once in your stubborn life; just do this one thing.”

“What happened last week.” It was more of a statement than a question.

“He was here when I got there; bragging about how he had you wrapped around his finger. He was very explicit on what he wanted to do to you.” he ducked his head down, the light showcasing the faint yellow and greens of his bruised chin.

“I don’t care, you were with me the whole day practically. Why the hell were you marching off to war with him that day.”

“He was rubbing salt on an open wound.”

“Bucky,” my hands cupped his chin, guiding his line of sight back to me; “You don’t have to talk about it.”

His bright blue eyes locked with my own. They glistening in the fading sunlight. He released a sigh through his nostrils, his gaze still turned downwards to his feet.

“Well aren’t you two sweet.” Sam’s voice made both of us jolt. Bucky clamored away from me, his chest heaving.

“We tossed Rumlow out, by the way. Not sure if you saw it while you were lost in each other.” He crossed his arms over his chest.

“Any reason why you wanted to tell us?” Bucky grumbled, hands upon his hips. Sam shrugged in response.

“Not at all, just nice to get the jump on you for a change.”

“You’re a dick.”

“So are you.”

“I’m gonna head home,” I decided to make my exit. I walked toward Oliver, pulling out Bucky’s jacket. Even a few feet away I could still here the two bickering.

“Shut up Samuel!”

“You first James!”

Thankfully, my footsteps caused the two to cease as I walked toward them. As soon as Wilson saw what I had in my hand, he smirked at Bucky.

“I hadn’t had the chance to give this back to you.” I handed the leather item to Barnes, who only gazed at me earnestly.

“T-thanks,” was all he could muster.

“I’ll see you round,” I hugged Sam goodbye. I turned back to my neighbor, giving him a small peck on his bruise. I pulled back to find him wide eyed and turning red as a tomato.

I smiled as I walked backwards, “See you around, neighbor.” I waved, getting into my vehicle.

#Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes x reader #biker!bucky #biker!au #james buchanan barnes #oof #sio #marvel imagines #I'm seeing endgame friday OOF #marvel x reader #whee #I'm alive #escapism IV

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skyetrga847 · 5 years ago

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Description games Grand Theft Auto 4

I grew up in the era when GTA was generally contraband. In 2003, my colleagues and I pitched in to acquire a reproduction of Secondary Town and split this amongst one another, out of the eyesight of our mothers, which given all happened performed in a fearful frenzy in documents with STATES Now about the game’s prostitution with chaotic propensities. GTA wasn’t a game toward us but was a essential component of your adolescence, the kind of all-caps MATURE article we encountered as an pretense of rebellion as much as a joy thing to authorize the time.

Grand Theft Auto 4 arrived at a new age. I wasn’t level playing sports at that point anymore, having forgot my consoles when I attended higher education with 2007 in an effort to focus on my studies and become a world-renowned author™. Still, I even get myself drawn to IV, not because it became the next-gen adaptation of GTA, yet as a lot of that game talked with a thematic evolution i was considering. Head-down in publications such as Good Gatsby then The Scream Of Group 49, GTA IV’s somber take on finding yourself spent in the cold tunnels of The National Dream as a poor person while the precious get stupider, crueler, and richer talked to me. I spent countless hours on a friend’s Xbox 360 to complete the game, eagerly playing through the sad account of Niko Bellic.

You’ve probably read a hundred hot stands on Grand Theft Auto IV with The Us Hope. You can reach below for my style of this if you want, but I must focus on somewhat different for this part. IV excels when it comes to building something is red for open-world up for: a thematically unified incident to drive when it comes to telling a story while and recognizing that the player is an independent inhabitant of the world instead of a traveler. How that GTA IV complete of which stays that it highlights the weight.

Large is (forgive myself) a loaded word. There are obvious examples of heavy, when it comes to physical weight. Something – a case of stones, the anvil – is deep. There is plus the thematic model on the phrase, of course; to say anything happens deep is to tell the thinking about you eat emotionally, it’s depressing you. GTA IV has systems in place both at home moment-by-moment gameplay and also the plot that embraces both of these.

Since the narrative's emotional heaviness is pretty clear for anyone who’s played Grand Theft Auto IV, let’s look at the gameplay concepts, like physics. GTA 4’s physics are surprisingly single in them to display a surprisingly eloquent take on awkwardness. Everything feels like it offers a defined load with GTA IV that drags that down. Niko goes without elegance, always a victim of her own lack of balance. Sometimes someone may brush beyond him or a car can gently tap him, with torture fall over awkwardly. Vehicles are the expansion of the. Level the faster convertible vehicles turn much more slowly than they would in a racer or a new Grand Theft Auto game. To label them tanks would be exaggerating, but they’re not nimble.

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In Grand Theft Auto 4, gunfights feel similarly unique. Plenty of action games make use of destructible case but there’s anything about the significance in the planet which makes this feel alive in the single means. Taking cover behind a car during a struggle with the law will cause the vehicle slightly start when rounds beat this, the flute above you will break and water you as bullets hole through. Melee battle is awkward but animal, with Niko's brutal pistol belt involving the enemy going round the corner creating a combination of tension with shock. The prolonged delivery on the progress benefit the enemy's stagger backward result in an opening for you to kill them down, and it is surprisingly and uncomfortably intimate.

People rightfully noticed that the ragdoll animations and even rate of the gunfight action modified for Grand Theft Auto V, with enemies popping out all over and their bodies responding into further of a “lower down” sort of manner than IV’s mixture of prolonged and dropping animations. IV’s kills are shifting because of the relationship that Against trades away for the scope and kind meetings. Where V is regularly putting people into the kind of action sequences you’d view in Rush and Vision Impossible, IV’s gunfights often occur in squalor. The nearness of nailing a drug dealer’s eyeball around the turn in the ratty slum’s hallway with a blind fire from the pistol and then looking at their lead strike back counter to the edges is much more frightening (also fascinating) than V’s approach.

The big difference between the two modes of assault makes sense when you believe the creation they're aping. V is the termination of Rockstar’s bond with the records of Jordan Mann (Thief, Stage). The engagement is cheerful and enjoyable, with the show briefly display to let you know if you kill someone.

Notice the elements here. There’s a lot of remaining on the injuries, blood splattering on the window, the factor with the van slowly go ahead to deviate with the square one, the bullets. There is no zipping present with scores. This sort of storytelling places focus not about frantic action but instead for the idea this violence is holding the emotional with real effect on the world. Cars move. Glass shatters. People moan with agony.

Grand Theft Auto 5 says these look, like grass defeat with death moans, but they're minimized due to the high production rates as well as the trends of opponents that come after you while Tangerine Dream’s beautiful score compete in the family. That kind a side among a person and also the violence. Yes, this is entertainment. Don’t worry, you’re just performing a video game that takes place mimicking that battle hit people notice last summer.

IV has very little in the way of such artificial barriers. There is no soundtrack to cover up the cries with the man you just taken since he begs someone nearby to see the partner he enjoys her. The violence is frightening and often cruel, helping turn Niko Bellic into a complex character, a person with noble value which nonetheless commits heinous wars that provide dying with bear upon countless people.

Niko’s emotional scratches and experiencing a challenging, adolescent betrayal have left him incapable of crossing the earth as something other than a mercenary for hire – someone capable of drive away from their feelings to injured citizens for dollars. The method with Grand Theft Auto IV, particularly when it comes to physics and movements in combat, stress that as much as the report does. Every feat of assault is mired in the throes https://gtadownload.org of artistic realism, with quality models falling again, while the world erupts in people in a sluggish but convincing direction which grounds the theatre of Niko's story.

Of course, a lot of these distinctions probably be outside the realm of creative intent. GTA IV was Rockstar's first real attempt to seize with the RAGE engine on the large scale, so the awkward physics and clunkiness of battle is more likely a result of that than any intent. However, at the end from the day, you have the bit of painting with purpose only concern with a degree. No matter if GTA 4's physics are accidentally compelling or a mistake, they're still charming and immersive storytelling props.

Storytelling with activities is still unfortunately often observed in terms of traditional plot. "The plot then the figures are superior." However, I think it's worth paying attention to the elements outside of that. Just as a actor provides a reputation on a script to life for a film, the strict stuff which you might not love about opening view (like the way physics weigh on a atmosphere and identify the tether on the planet) is often key in making that lie what it is in the earliest position. The most awful thing that can ever happen to GTA IV, beyond being removed from room and stage, is a remaster that develops the gunplay then produces the persons animations more attractive. To do that would puncture Rockstar's disturbing yet compelling interpretation of The National Dream.

Yes, GTA V is a great practical and inventive success that dwarfs IV in terms of substance and pleasurable activities to do. And Vice Urban and III were both incredible games in which did a lot to improve the intermediate. However, IV remains an important GTA to me since it’s a high-budget game produced by one of the most successful developers to goes all-in at generating a great encounter on wandering, sympathetic souls doing awful points also earning hard amounts to survive a dingy, despairing world.

IV is not without the drawbacks. The writing is tricky in some areas, particularly some homophobic and misogynistic pieces to touch juvenile rather than provocative, and Oh My Lord I Ignored How Severe The Checkpoint Order Is. But, IV's ambitions and its performances with those goals, are still unmatched in virtually another game away here through our measure. Epic in scope and bitter but humanistic, IV lives beyond these concerns as a modern classic in a way that the other GTAs just don't.

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im-still-writing-out-of-time · 8 years ago

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‘I’m Not Gay’

Jamilton

male x male

If you’re homophobic, get over it.

Enjoy the gay

Masterlist

“You’re so stupid. I hope you know that, mon ami.”

Thomas was bent over Alexander dressing his wounds. “How did that even happen? How do you accidentally stab yourself with a broken glass?”

“I got excited. And I didn’t ask you for help. I could probably do it better myself, blood loss and everything.” He hissed in pain as Thomas poured rubbing alcohol on his wound. “You did that on purpose, asshole.”

“What, cleaning your wound? Yes, yes I did. Unless you’d rather die from an infection, you blithering idiot.” He set the alcohol down and covered the open wound, putting pressure on to slow the bleeding.

“Knock it off, you dumb hick. Let go of me, I’ll do it myself.” He knocked away Thomas’s hand and grabbed the gauze that had hit the floor.

“Well now it isn’t clean anymore. You’re gonna kill yourself yet.” He stood up and moved to the living room. “I’m grabbing a phone and you’re going to the hospital.”

“Don’t call 9-1-1! You can drive me!”

Thomas rolled his eyes and disappeared with his phone in his hand. He came back minutes later. “Alright, let’s go stupid.” He pressed a clean piece of gauze and pressed it to Alexander’s wound before wrapping his side with an Ace bandage. “I still can’t figure out how you stab yourself in the side this bad, with a broken glass. You’re unbelievable.” He helped Alexander to his feet. “You realize now that you’re gonna need stitches, or surgery.”

“I don’t need surgery. It’s not that bad.”

“If the doctor decides it’s bad enough, you’ll be getting the surgery.” He unlocked his car and pushed Hamilton toward the passenger side. “That’s the last time I invite you for dinner at my house. You weren’t even excited about the mac and cheese.” Thomas’s curls bounced around his head as he slid in the passenger side of his SUV. “That’s my own personal recipe I hope you know. I worked hard to perfect it.”

“Why did you invite me over in the first place?” Alexander asked, wincing in pain. “You hate me.” He clutched his side in pain as Thomas started his car. “I can’t put the seat belt on.”

“You pull it, and clip it, stupid. Here, hand it to me.” Thomas reached over and grasped for the seat belt, locking it in place.

“Holy fuck, don’t! That hurts!”

Thomas glanced at Alexander and saw the seat belt rubbing against his freshly dressed injury. “Whoops, sorry. Just unclip it or something. I’m a good driver anyway. You won’t need it.” Thomas shifted his car in gear and pressed his foot to the gas pedal, slamming Alexander forward into the glove compartment.

“You’re purposely trying to hurt me, aren’t you? Now I probably have a broken shoulder. God, slow down, I’m not going to die in the next twenty minutes. Jesus. The bleeding has slowed almost to a stop. The hospital is twelve minutes away. We’ll make it without you trying to kill us both.”

Alexander held the bandages tight to his side despite the ace bandage keeping the gauze in place. He draped the other hand around the ‘oh shit’ handle above his head, as Thomas refused to slow down. Thomas glanced away from the road and at Alexander, whose eyes were starting to cross as they stared at the center line, his blinks getting slower.

“Alexander? Alexander! Hamilton, god damn it all. Look at me.” Thomas’s eyes kept flickering to the road and back. He swung into a parking spot as close to the emergency entrance as possible and ran around the side. He opened the passenger side door and watched Alexander’s eyes droop closed and his body fall back against the seat. “Oh, for fuck’s sake.” He grabbed Alexander and rushed him inside the emergency entrance, running him to the nearest doctor. “Fix this idiot,” he muttered, setting him on the stretcher that was wheeled over. “He managed to stab himself with a broken glass. I already cleaned it with rubbing alcohol but the moron wouldn’t stop squirming. So go fix him. I’ll be in the waiting room.”

The doctor disappeared with three nurses that pushed the stretcher beside him. As they disappeared through the doors, Thomas heard someone say that he would need surgery to stop the bleeding.

“Fucking idiot,” he mumbled, walking through the double doors to the waiting room. He threw his head in his hands and stayed like that, thousands of thoughts running through his head, until a young doctor came through the double doors, blood staining the rubber gloves he was throwing in a garbage for bio-hazardous materials.

“Are you here for Mr. Hamilton?”

“Yeah, that’d be me.”

The young doctor came forward and shook his hand. “I’m Doctor James McCormick. I performed the surgery on Mr. Hamilton. Unfortunately, it was worse than it looked. We had to repair a part of his intestines, and a piece of glass made its way into his right kidney, so we had to fix that as well. There’s a slight chance that his kidney will regain function, but it’s very slight. He needs a blood transfusion from the amount he lost, so he’s hooked up to a blood bag.” Thomas shook his head at the fact that Alexander could be so stupid. “He’s upstairs in a recovery room. He’ll have to stay here at the hospital for a few days, depending on how he reacts to the surgery and everything. We want to keep an eye on him to make sure there’s no infection or leakage from his internal organs. We managed to get all of the glass out, so there should be no problem. After Mr. Hamilton goes home, he’ll have to be constantly monitored to make sure he doesn’t do anything to hurt himself again, or rip his stitches.”

“The moron can’t even handle a glass without cutting himself. I’d have to practically sleep with him to keep him safe.”

The doctor chuckled. “It’s up to you how you monitor him, we just need him monitored. He’s heading up to room 301 right now. You’ll be allowed there twenty-four hours a day as long as you’ll be the one monitoring him at home.”

Thomas sighed at pushed his hair back with both hands and sighed. “Yeah, it’ll be me.” He followed the doctor until he reached the elevator and the doors opened right in front of him. He pushed the button for the third floor and strode through the doors to the first room as soon as they opened again. Alexander laid there in a hospital gown, his cheeks rosy against the pale hospital room. He had an IV in each arm, one in the crook of the elbow on his right arm transfusing blood, one in the back of his left hand, with a saline drip attached.

Thomas pulled up a chair and sat next to Alexander, staring at his small hands against the white sheet. His skin was pale against the bed. “Alexander, you idiot. Wake up,” he whispered, his voice breaking. “Wake up.” He set his head on the edge of the bed and began to play with the buttons next to his face. The bed began to recline more, then less, as he pressed the buttons back and forth before even that didn’t amuse him. He sighed and closed his eyes, grabbing ahold of his hand to sleep with. He shifted his position a few times before he finally fell asleep. He woke up multiple times over the next two days but there was never a change in Alexander. He remained at the bedside, having the janitor buy him things from the cafeteria downstairs on his shift, the nurses leaving him a book or magazine on the bedside table. On the third day, Thomas dragged himself in the bathroom attached to the hospital room and took a shower, washing away the filth before pulling on his dirty clothes once more. As had become the norm for the last couple days, he fell back asleep, Alexander’s hand encompassed by his own.

A few hours later, he woke up to the feeling of someone playing with his curls. “Don’t touch my hair,” he grumbled sleepily. The hand he fell asleep holding was no longer there and someone was touching his curls. “Alexander, if that’s you, I swear.”

“It is.”

Thomas’s head shot up and he saw Alexander staring at him. “Alexander!” he cried, standing up. He pressed his lips to Alexander’s in an emotion filled moment of passion. Thomas heard a small, masculine groan beneath him and he shoved himself away and ran his hand through his hair, pushing it back. “I- uh. I shouldn’t have done that. I’ll be back later,” he stammered before running out of the room, leaving a shocked Alexander on the bed. Alexander brought his fingers to his lips and wondered if this was all a dream. He laid back in his bed and hoped it was, though he knew it wasn’t. The heart monitor’s beeping slowed in his ears as he fell into a light sleep.

He woke up the following morning to the same curly pouf of hair sleeping beside him and he smiled. Thomas was back in his seat, his elbow on the armrest, his hand propping up his head. His lips were pursed slightly as he slept and his eyebrows furrowed. Alexander shifted his body to the side of the bed and stretched over to pull one of the curls when pain shot through his side. He winced and shifted back, grabbing for the nurse alarm button. A nurse came in almost immediately and smiled when she saw him awake.

“Good morning, Mr. Hamilton. How are you feeling?” The nurse began taking note of his vitals and took his temperature, making notations on his chart.

“It’s Alexander, and I was wondering if you had something I could take for the pain.” He blushed as the nurse lifted his gown from the bottom to check out his stitches, seeing everything he had to bear, but she didn’t seem fazed in the slightest.

“Of course, I’ll go get something for you and I’ll be right back, okay?”

He nodded his head and watched as she walked out. He reached over again, wincing in pain once more, to pull on Thomas’s curls and watch them spring back into place. His hand was brushing a curl when a hand grabbed his wrist.

“Do not. Touch. The hair.”

“It just looks so soft and springy,” he whispered. “I thought you were sleeping. I just wanted to touch you again.” He bunched his fingers in the thin blanket that covered his body and laid his head back, closing his eyes. His eyebrows furrowed for a moment before his body relaxed against the sheets.

“Alexander, are you okay?”

He nodded slowly. “The nurse is already going to get medicine, so don’t worry about it. It’s just pain, which is understandable considering I almost died.”

“Well,” Thomas paused. “I don’t think you almost died. I think the blood transfusion is just a precaution. You just ripped some stuff inside with the glass but you’re completely fine.”

Alexander raised his eyebrows mockingly. “I know I’m fine,” he joked. “It’s about time you figured that out for yourself.” He chuckled before abruptly stopping and holding his side. “Don’t. I’m fine.”

“Alexander, don’t lie to me, okay? If I’m going to watch you and take care of you, you’ll have to be honest to me.”

“You’ll be taking care of me?” Alexander questioned. “You don’t even like me.” He knew he was lying to himself. He liked Thomas and Thomas liked him. Right? That had to be why he kissed him, right? “I really liked that kiss,” he whispered. “Kiss me again.”

“Alexander, I-”

Alexander grabbed Thomas’s jacket and pulled him closer, making Thomas growl against his lips. Thomas could hear Alexander’s heart monitor speed up and tried pulling back, but Alexander held him in place. Alexander bit Thomas’s lip and Thomas growled once more, pushing Alexander against the mattress. Alexander smirked as his shoulders were pinned down, but grimaced as the blanket on his body raked the hospital gown across his stitches.

“I hate to kill the mood, but why haven’t they dressed my stitches? Also, did you enjoy that kiss as much as I did? And-” He paused. “And why do you act like you hate me when I can tell that it’s completely different than that? I mean, I can admit that I feel something for you. Not all of it is complete hatred. I don’t know what it is but it’s something. I know you feel it too.”

Thomas looked down at his hands against the blue hospital gown. His hands were bunching up the fabric. “Alex, I-”

“Please Thomas. Just be honest with me.” His eyes were big and Thomas couldn’t break his gaze away from them. He was entranced.

“I care for you,” he grumbled. He finally ripped his gaze away from Alexander’s eyes. “Alright? I care. That’s why I invited you over; to become friends. I just- I don’t know anymore.”

“Then why did you run?”

“I’m not gay,” Thomas mumbled.

“That kiss felt pretty gay to me,” Alexander smirked. “Please Thomas, I know you feel it too. Don’t fight it, please.” Thomas leaned his head back on the bed and Alexander grasped Thomas’s hand in his before it was jerked away. “Thomas, please.”

“Alexander, just-” he sighed. “Just let me think. I’ve never felt like this before. I need to think about this.” He stood up, knocking the chair against the wall before he stormed out of the room. He went to the waiting room at the end of the hall by the elevators. Putting his back to the wall, he slid down, sitting in the corner looking out the window. He couldn’t face Alexander. Especially not with the boner he was sporting in his pants.

He heard people shuffling through the halls as he stared out the window. Someone coughed in the background and the television droned on some reality station. He felt a body move beside him, yet his gaze focused out the window until one of his curls bounced against his cheek.

“Don’t touch-”

“I’m going to touch your curls until you decide to talk to me like a human being.”

Thomas’s head whipped around. “Alexander, you’re supposed to be in bed.”

“I’m fine. Can you just talk to me?” His hair was messy and tangled, his gown was hanging loose in the back.

“Alexander, I do care for you. I just- I never thought about remotely having feelings for a man, especially you.” Thomas looked down and his curls bounced around his face. “I’ve always been attracted to women. Always. But you’ve done something to me and I can’t explain it. The arguing doesn’t anger me anymore, it turns me on. You used to just piss me off to no end…but now I find it kind of cute. And sexy.” He chuckled slightly to himself and shook his head. “I actually ran out of your room so I could hide the boner you gave me. Didn’t think that was what we needed to focus on at the time. And the truth is, Alexander, that I couldn’t fathom the idea of falling in love with a man, but here I am, completely and hopelessly in love with you.”

Alexander moved his body around to stand in front of Thomas and held his hands out to him. “Come on. Let’s go back to my room. I’m starting to catch a breeze,” he smirked, twirling in a circle to show his backside. Thomas’s eyes darkened for a moment before he used Alexander’s hands to pull himself up. Thomas grabbed the back of Alexander’s gown and pulled it together, scowling. Thomas’s hands made their way down Alexander’s body until they reached his ass. He grabbed a handful in each hand and squeezed, making Alexander jump as they walked in the room together.

Thomas followed Alexander, watching him climb into his bed, wondering if Alexander knew how much his hospital gown showed as he did that. Thomas groaned quietly as he adjusted himself through his black jeans. “You probably shouldn’t climb up like that again,” he said as Alexander climbed under the covers. “That is, unless you want me to take you right here, right now.”

Alexander’s eyes grew wide as his mind worked through what Thomas had just told him. “Don’t you think that’s a little quick, since, you know, you just figured out that you’re bisexual?”

“I’ve never been with a man before. I could make you my first, Alexander. You and that pretty little ass of yours.” He grabbed Alexander’s chin. “But that would be after I take those even prettier lips of yours. See them wrapped around my cock.” He took his thumb and dragged it over Alexander’s bottom lip, dragging it down. “Yeah. I could see that. You on your knees, your eyes wide, legs spread. Mm,” he groaned, bringing his free hand to rest on the bulge in his pants. “You looking so innocent.” He brought his lips to Alexander’s ear. “I bet you’d try to fight me, because you are so fired up all the time. Because you don’t have it in you to be submissive. And guess what Alexander.” He rolled Alexander’s ear between his teeth. “I want the fight. I want you try and fight me, because I know you’ll give in.”

Alexander was shaking on the bed, his breathing heavy, his bottom lip quivering. Thomas moved his hand from Alexander’s lip and slowly moved it down the front of the gown to where it was tenting right above Alexander’s hips. His hands tossed the blanket back and grasped the hard cock beneath the thin gown and Alexander’s whole body tensed. His eyes closed and his mouth fell open as Thomas began stroking him.

“Thomas, please. Oh god Thomas, stop.”

Thomas’s hand stopped stroking, but didn’t let go of Alexander’s hardened length. There was a knock at the door and Thomas finally let go of Alexander and adjusted himself, turning his body in the chair. Alexander’s face turned pale as Thomas smiled and the doctor walked in.

“Good morning, doctor. How are you?” Alexander asked.

“I’m fine Alexander. How are you feeling?”

“Better. A lot better. The nurse gave me something for the pain a little while ago and dressed my stitches. When can I go home?”

“Well, you slept off and on for almost four days after your surgery, so we’ve been able to monitor you for any signs of infection, which there are none. The other doctors and I have decided that you don’t have to be hooked up to the machines anymore, and barring any other issues that come up, you can leave tomorrow morning. I’m going to assume that you’ll be going home with your, uh-”

“Friend, Thomas Jefferson.”

The doctor frowned at that but continued. “You can go home with Thomas, who said he’ll be taking care of you until your stitches are removed. I’ll be back to check on you in the morning, but I don’t think there will be any more tests or anything for a while, so get some rest. Goodnight, Mr. Hamilton, Mr. Jefferson.”

“Goodnight, doctor.” Alexander watched as the doctor closed the door behind him before looking over to Thomas. “Can you-” He shook his head and knotted his fingers in the blanket. “Never mind.”

“What is it?” Thomas moved his hand to grab Alexander’s. “Do you need more pain medication?”

“I need you. Come lay with me.”

“Alexander, I don’t think I should.” He bit the inside of his bottom lip.

“Thomas, please. I just want you to hold me close. We don’t have to do anything. I just- I hate sleeping in strange places alone. Please,” he whispered, his bottom lip quivering. “I get scared.”

Thomas sighed but nodded his head. “Scoot over. I’ll sleep beside you.” He stripped off his jacket and tossed it on the chair before doing the same with his belt. Thomas watched Alexander’s eyes grow wide and his chest heave, his eyes not leaving Thomas’s hands. “I promise I won’t do anything. I just don’t want to hurt you with the belt clip.” Alexander nodded and laid back on the bed.

“Is this moving too fast? I mean, yesterday, we hated each other and today I’m getting you to strip and hop in bed with me. Is it too fast?” His fingers fisted themselves in the blanket again and Thomas grabbed his hands pushing them off to the side.

“Stop overthinking this. We’re just two friends who are going to sleep in the same bed and make out like teenagers.” He let go of Alexander’s hands and let his own drop to the side. “Is this about the thing before the doctor came in? I meant every word, but it’ll happen when we’re both ready. I guess I was rushing things because of all the confusion and everything. You’re right. Maybe we are going too fast. Do you want to sleep alone? I can sleep in the chair again, or I could leave, or something. I’ve finally found a comfortable position where I can sleep and hold your hand at the same time. Unless you don’t want me to hold your hand. I could-”

Alexander grabbed Thomas’s hand. “You’re rambling. Just come lay with me and we can hold each other and make out like teenagers.” He moved over on the bed and grabbed Thomas’s other hand, pulling him on the bed. Thomas groaned as Alexander pulled him too far and, instead of landing on the bed, he landed over Alexander’s body. Alexander winced as Thomas’s hand pushed against his newly dressed stitches.

“Oh my god, are you okay? Do you need me to get you something?” Thomas sat up straight, throwing his legs on either side of Alexander. “Alexander, please, look at me. Tell me, did I hurt you?”

Alexander tried to slow his breathing. “I’m fine. Just get off me.”

Thomas looked down at how he was sitting, his legs straddling Alexander. His eyes darkened and his cheeks tinted red as he tossed his leg back over Alexander’s body. “Sorry,” he mumbled. “I’m sorry.”

Thomas kicked his shoes to the floor, moved his body to lay on the bed beside Alexander and wrapped his arms around the smaller man. Alexander smiled and curled his body into Thomas’s, his hips bumping against Thomas’s stomach, his eyes closing. He wrapped his arms around Thomas and ran his hands along the body of muscle against him, up his spine and cradled the base of Thomas’s neck.

“Alexander, are you really falling asleep right now? You’ve been sleeping for four days.”

“I woke up a couple times through those four days. I just didn’t stay awake long.” He never opened his eyes, but his fingers danced their way to Thomas’s curls where they tugged a bit.

‘Alexander, don’t-”

Alexander opened his eyes, grabbing a fistful of hair, and pulled Thomas’s head back before trailing his tongue from the little hollow at the base of Thomas’s neck up to the razor straight line of hair that covered his chin, turning and teasing its way up to Thomas’s ear. His teeth nibbled at Thomas’s earlobe and he drew it in his mouth before releasing it with a small whimper. “I’m glad you’re here.” He released Thomas’s hair and laid back down, nuzzling his face into Thomas’s neck.

Thomas’s chest was heaving up and down. His eyes were wide at the fact that he was just dominated by someone who had to stand on the bottom shelf at the grocery store to reach things on the top shelf. That same someone was now curled up beside him, knowing very well what he had just done, and now pretending to be sleeping. “Alexander, you can’t just do something like that and not continue.”

“I can. Look at me now, curled up, trying to sleep. It would be easier if you would slow your breathing down, so I could get comfortable. You’re hard.” He jerked his head away from Thomas’s neck and his entire face turned red. “Your body is hard. I mean, your abs, and chest. I uh… I’m gonna stop talking.” He hid his face in Thomas’s chest, the t-shirt wrapping around his face.

Thomas grabbed Alexander’s shoulders and pushed him back. “I think you promised me something,” he stated.

“And what’s that?”

“I believe you said if I got up here, we’d make out like horny teenagers.”

Alexander’s whole body began to turn red. “I mean, if you want to. I just wanted you here with me, but we can make out if you want.” Thomas threw his head back and laughed as Alexander’s body curled into him. “I also don’t think I said ‘like horny teenagers.’ I think I just said like teenagers. I also don’t think I promised. But I’m ready and willing if you are.”

Thomas pushed a piece of hair out of Alexander’s eyes. “I won’t do anything you’re not ready for. Starting now. Sit up, I want to play with your hair.” Alexander sat up on the bed and Thomas moved to sit behind him, one leg curled under himself, the other stretched beside Alexander. “You know, actually, we should give you a shower. Or a bath. I’ll go ask the doctor.” He scooted off the bed and shuffled out the door in his socks, Alexander watching him as he walked, his curls bobbing as he moved.

Alexander waited on his bed, wondering what was going on between him and Thomas. He had feelings for Thomas, he knew that, but did Thomas like him, or did Thomas lust him? He had hundreds of these thoughts running through his head when the door opened.

“The nurses said you can take a shower but you have to try not to get your dressing wet. They’ll come in after to change the dressing, but…”

“But what?”

“She said I’ll have to stay in the room with you. Is that okay?” He held out a bottle of liquid soap and Alexander grabbed it from his hand and traced the design on the bottle.

“Uh yeah. That’s okay.”

“Here, let’s go then. I’ll just sit on the toilet lid or something. If you need me, I’ll be there.” He held out his hand and pulled Alexander off the bed. “Come on. Let’s go get you clean.”

Alexander’s legs shook as he stepped to the floor. Thomas noticed and swept Alexander off his feet. “Thomas, I’m fine. It happened last time too. Just let me get used to standing up.” Alexander winced as Thomas set him down and his legs wobbled as he grabbed ahold of the bed railing. After a moment, his legs finally stopped wobbling and he slowly began to walk to the bathroom.

“I don’t know if you should be standing in a shower if you can hardly handle yourself on dry flooring.”

Alexander pushed back he shower curtain and fiddled with the shower knob, trying to figure out how to use it. “I’ll be fine. You’ll be right here if I need help.” He tried pulling on the temperature knob. “I can’t get this thing to-”

“It just turns. Just turn it until you find the temperature you want.” Thomas put the toilet seat down and plopped himself into his new seat.

“That’s dumb,” mumbled Alexander. He grabbed the tie to his gown. “Can you close your eyes? Or turn around or something?”

Thomas laughed and closed his eyes. “I can touch it, I just can’t see it, right?” He opened one eye to see Alexander staring at him, red in the face. “Shit, I have to go get a towel for you. I’ll be right back.” He strode out of the room and Alexander was fixated on the sound of Thomas rummaging through the cupboards outside. He untied his gown and it slowly slid off his shoulders as he focused on the movement in the other room. Thomas shoved through the door just as Alexander’s gown dropped to the floor and he smirked. “Was that your version of a strip tease?” he joked. “Because I found it very arousing.” He moved closer to Alexander and licked his earlobe before sitting back on the toilet seat.

Alexander shook himself out of his stupor and jumped in the shower, pulling the curtain closed around him. “You were supposed to keep your eyes closed,” he pouted.

Thomas laughed. “I had to look and see where I was going somehow. It’s not my fault I got to see your sexy show while I was at it.”

Alexander’s head whipped around the curtain. “Can you see through this shower curtain?”

Thomas looked up and smirked. “When you press your body against it like that, I can.”

Alexander looked down at himself and blushed as he noticed that everything was on display. His cheeks brightened and he shoved the curtain away and threw himself back under the water, leaving Thomas laughing. Thomas could see Alexander through the curtain still but he was enjoying the show and decided not to say anything. As Alexander raised his hands to his hair, he jerked them down again before hissing in pain. “Uh, Thomas?”

“I’m right here.”

“I can’t wash my hair. It hurts to lift my arms.”

“Do you want me to go get a nurse?” He could see Alexander holding his side through the thin curtain.

“Can you just come help me? I don’t want the nurses to… I mean they probably already have, but, just… Can you help me?”

Thomas walked to the shower, pulling off his t-shirt, tossing it on the edge of the sink. He pushed the curtain aside and saw Alexander standing beneath the water, holding his side, staring at the floor. His face looked ashamed, his posture slouching, eyes cast down. “Alexander, there’s no shame in asking for help, you know.”

“I hate asking for help. I just feel weak,” he said, his eyes flickering up to see Thomas’s naked chest and quickly flitting back down.

Thomas wet his hands and grabbed some soap, massaging it between his hands before reaching for Alexander. “I thought nurses were supposed to keep you clean while you’re here. At least while you can’t do it yourself.” He began to rub the soap into Alexander’s hair. “I don’t think they’ve washed your hair at all since you’ve been here. Here, lean back.” Alexander leaned back and Thomas began to rinse the soap out. “This will probably make your hair a little dry, but I have to wash it again. It’s way too dirty to be comfortable.”

Alexander hummed in agreement, still embarrassed at the fact that he was completely naked in front of Thomas. His cheeks flared red all the way up to his ears. His body shivered as Thomas’s fingers brushed the fine hairs at the base of his neck. “Uh, can you turn the temperature down a little bit?” Thomas had one hand trail down Alexander’s side as the other one reached for the temperature knob. It was completely innocent, just Thomas stretching to reach, but Alexander needed the water colder and now, before Thomas saw him get hard. Goosebumps appeared on his skin as the water turned cold and he shivered, sighing at the crisis he had just averted.

“You know, you don’t have to be embarrassed about getting an erection. I know that’s why you had me do that,” Thomas mused from behind him. “I’m not looking at anything but your hair. For now. It’ll be different later.” Alexander could hear the smirk in his voice. “Okay, lean your head back again.” Alexander complied and Thomas rinsed the soap from his hair once more.

“Thank you,” whispered Alexander.

“Can you get the rest by yourself?”

Alexander turned his head to look at Thomas. “I can try, I think.”

Thomas stepped back and closed the curtain, looking down at his soaked pants. “God damn it,” he murmured.

“Is everything okay?” Alexander’s voice floated through the curtain.

“Yeah, I just got my pants wet. It’s fine. They’ll dry eventually.” He stripped off the pants and tossed them over the side of the towel rack on the wall. He grabbed an extra towel and tried getting as much water out of them as possible. His boxers were damp, but nothing he couldn’t deal with.

Thomas was busy trying to dry his pants and didn’t notice the water turning off behind him. Alexander swiped the curtain out of the way and quickly grabbed the towel, wrapping it around his waist. Thomas stood against the wall in only his boxers and Alexander let out an audible squeak in surprise at the toned man half naked in the bathroom with him.

Thomas turned around when he heard the noise emanate from behind him and saw Alexander blushing with nothing but a towel around his waist. “My, uh… my pants got wet while I was washing your hair. Sorry. Just give me a minute and I’ll put them on.”

“Where are my clothes?”

“What?”

“The clothes I came in with? I mean, the shirt isn’t any good anymore but I want to wear underwear. I felt completely exposed out there. Even though it was just you.” Thomas grabbed his shirt, leaving the pants hanging up to dry and walked out of the room in his socks and boxers. Alexander was steps ahead of him, looking for a bag marked ‘patient belongings,’ finding it on the floor beside his bed. He bent down and grabbed it, Thomas slapping his ass as he did.

“Hey,” he laughed. “Open target.” Thomas sat on the edge of the bed and pulled off his socks as Alexander pulled on his boxer briefs and sat on the bed.

“Well I feel slightly better. Is there another gown or something in here for me to wear?”

Thomas tossed his t-shirt to the smaller man on the other side of the bed. “Here, wear this.” Alexander took off the dressing on his side, threw it in the garbage, pulled the shirt on and climbed into bed, laying down on the pillow.

“Are you going to sleep with me?” Alexander asked, scooting over on the bed.

“Let me go get my pants out of the bathroom and hang them on the back of the chair or something and I’ll climb in beside you.” His feet slapped against the cold tile as he walked to the bathroom and grabbed his pants before slapping back out. He crawled in beside Alexander who was facing the wall, his back turned to Thomas. “Why are you turned away from me, Alex dear?”

“No reason,” he squeaked.

“Oh really? Then turn around.” Thomas grabbed his shoulders and turned him around.

Alexander gasped as his body was pulled flush against Thomas’s warm chest, his legs wrapping themselves around Alexander’s. Thomas smirked as he leaned down and kissed Alexander, his teeth latching onto Alexander’s bottom lip. Alexander stretched his arms around Thomas and played with the curls that surrounded his fingers. Thomas pulled away and smirked at Alexander. “I see you’re keeping your promise of making out like horny teenagers.”

“I didn’t promise, and I didn’t say horny.” He blushed, hiding his face in Thomas’s chest, inhaling the scent that surrounded him. He smelled like hospital too. “You don’t smell like you,” he whispered. “I want to be able to smell something other than hospital.”

“Tomorrow, we’ll go home and I’ll wash myself with my own soap, how’s that sound?”

Alexander murmured in agreement and fell asleep, his breathing becoming slow and steady. Thomas grabbed the hair band from Alexander’s wrist and pulled the sleeping man’s hair back into a ponytail, kissing his forehead. “Goodnight, Alexander. Sleep well.” He watched the slow rise and fall of Alexander’s chest before he closed his own eyes and fell under the blanket of sleep.

The pair was woken up the next morning to the attending surgeon snickering at the foot of the bed. “You were serious about sleeping with him to keep him safe, weren’t you?” he chuckled, looking at Thomas.

Thomas’s cheeks rouged at the memory. He had been joking at the time, but now…

“Alright, Mr. Hamilton. I’ve looked at your tests, and they all came back normal. Let me look at your stitches and if everything looks good, you can go home today.” Alexander lifted the side of his shirt- Thomas’s shirt- and the doctor examined the stitches. “You’re healing remarkably well, so you’ll definitely be going home today. Make sure you be careful and don’t do anything that’ll rip your stitches. Come back in a week and we’ll take out the stitches. Have a good day, gentlemen.”

The pair watched the doctor walk out and Thomas looked at Alexander, kissing his lips gently. “Let’s go home, love.”

“I want nothing more.”

#Jamilton #Jefferson x Hamilton #Kinda sexy but not really #hamilton au #hamilton fic #hamilton fiction #hamilton writers #Hamilton #Thomas Jefferson #Alexander Hamilton #Alexander Hamilton x Thomas Jefferson #Hamilton x Jefferson #smut #jamilton smut #light smut

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strawberryspeachy · 6 years ago

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I can read through the convo I’ve had with that boy for the past month in the same amount of time it takes me to read through a day in the summer

He actually asked me questions and kept the conversation going and joked with me so reading through any given day can take upwards of 10 minutes. And most of those days we had half of the conversation via Snapchat that I can longer see

It takes about 7 minutes to read what is me just me talking and him either not responding or giving one word replies or reluctantly a few sentences after I’ve nagged at him about it :(

Yea yea. Take the hint. From November to now (March) exact same day too... he’s never wanted to talk to me

There’s literally been two instances that he talked to me normally and I melted for the rest of the day. Not long either. Just him texting me first to just tell me something. So short that I’d even wondered those times if he accidentally texted me instead of someone else.

I’ve asked every question except for “do you actually want to talk to me” because as he said yesterday. The answers no. I knew it was no. That’s why I’ve stressed over everything else. Because I knew this whole time he hasnt wanted to talk to me. And I’ve asked every question

Why are you ignoring me

Why are you talking to that girl

Why don’t you treat me like you treat them

Why didn’t you look at my picture

Did you like my picture

Do you still think I’m pretty

Am I annoying you

Who are you texting

What are you doing

Any question around the focus. Do you WANT to talk to me.

No.

He doesn’t care about me at all.

I hate that he has options.

It sucks. Because if he didn’t have options. I know he’d like me. He did before. He got bored and there’s always someone else willing to be there for him so he can drop any of those feelings and leave

Me though. I don’t have options. No one I ever legitimately like reciprocates those feelings.

Years go by intbetween the times someone I truely want to be with comes along and shows interest.

If I had options and he wanted me I’d choose him and that’s what sucks. Because he won’t choose me and I don’t have other options.

It’s not like I haven’t been open to guys advances. But no one ever does. I’ve become interested in boys I didn’t find physically attractive but who were nice to me and acted interested. And then they were even meaner to me.

I’m fucked up. I’m miserable. I’m a shitty person when I’m upset. But I always meet these guys when I’m feeling ok. I don’t show that side. I do everything right.

There’s a legitimate attraction. We talk about our lives and interest. We joke and laugh together. We show interest in each other. I don’t flake on people even when I really want to but everyone I’ve ever met had cancelled on me at the last second. And with these dudes that do that (with the exception of the college dude) I’ve always been a normal understanding person who goes - that’s ok! You do what you gotta do we can reschedule if you want!

I don’t understand. I genuinely don’t understand. I’m not trying to make myself look good by any account when I say I literally have no clue what’s goes wrong every time.

NO ONE. WILL. TELL. ME.

It’s been happening my whole life and I started getting mad about it come college. I started demanding to know. Ive started acting like the crazy person when it happens. And. It doesn’t lead to answers

To be fair I started off just nicefully asking. All that got me was ‘what are you talking about? I didn’t stop talking to you! We’re talking right now’

When when I started pointing out that we are because I tracked them down I get ‘I’m sorry! I’ve been really busy!! I didn’t even realize’

Pointing out what it is they’ve been doing that show they no longer want to talk lead to people reacting the same way as if I went insane on them. I literally haven’t recieved a different response to me politely and thoughtfully going

‘hey. Idk if you’ve meant to do this. But it feels like you don’t want to talk to me anymore. You’re responses have been shorter and we don’t talk much anymore. You don’t seem to find my jokes funny anymore even thought they’re the same as before. And you haven’t reached out in a while - it’s just been me. Maybe you’re busy with (insert whatever thing I knew they were up to a month ago) and I’m sorry if I’m bothering you if that’s the case. But I was just wondering if I did something wrong’

That would lead to the same ‘OMG YOU EXPECT SO MUCH FROM ME!! I HAVE MY OWN LIFE AND DONT HAVE TIME TO PUT UP WITH YOUR BS!! I HAVENT BEEN IGNORING YOU IVE BEEN TIRED AND BUSY.’ —- followed by being personally attacked with whatever it is that person feels (whether it be projecting. Bringing up something small from months before they stopped talking to me. Or whatever nerve I touched during my message or speech)

I’ve literally gotten the same response from doing that as I’ve gotten to say.... going to their house and confronting them at an inconvienient time.

Both generally followed by ‘you always play the victim’ or ‘ you do stuff like this so that’s why’

These same speaches come from people I’ve known as little at a week to people I’ve know for 10 years.

It sounds as thought I’m hiding something. I just act like this psycho person all the time probably right. It’s not like I can prove that’s not the truth..... it sucks.

I hold so much hate still toward my freshman year roommate because she reacted to me this way and I know for a fact I never did anything wrong to that girl. I consciously every second of the day made sure to be nice and considerate and positive. And when she left and told the world that I was the devil. The only things she said that actually happened were

1) I raised my voice. I did whine loudly that one time at the like 3rd time her and her bf tried to have sex in the bunk bed above me I let out a loud whine and in the same pitch said “please stop I’m trying to sleep”

2) I had a dusty fan. You’re right. I should have cleaned it. It only blew on me but that’s my b. It didn’t occur to me that it was a problem but I would have cleaned it if she ever told me it bothered her

3) one night I got irritated and yelled at my printer and hit it. Yes. I did that. It was quite late but she was over on her computer and all the lights were one. I got stressed out that my printer stopped working and in a louder tone went something to the effect of “what the fuck you stupid thing!!” My friends earrring had dissapeared inside of it a few days prior. We looked for it but the printer ate and hid it somehow. I hit the printer in frustration. And then it began to work and in a happy voice I went “oh cool that worked” according to her that incident made my fucking psycho.

4) not in her list of complaints to everyone as to why I was the absolute worst were. One time I walked in and didn’t see her sleeping. So I turned on the light as I talked to my friend. I felt really bad when she sat up very disoriented and apologized and turned the light back off and left. Another time I walked in while her and her bf were in the middle of fucking and backed back out of the room.

One time when I was going to a party my friend said I should have my roommate do my makeup - while she was sitting there. I was already getting vibes the girl didn’t like me and so I didn’t try to talk to her unless she talked to me - keep it polite... I... didn’t actually admit to myself that she didn’t like me but I did try to give her as much space as you can in a dorm. She’d go to the library all day to be away from me so when she’d come back to go to sleep I’d go to the common room till I was ready to sleep. Stuff like that. But my friend saying that right in front of her I went with it and excitedly went - you’re right she does do great makeup and asked her if she’d like to do my makeup for me. She said ok. And when the day came I texted her and asked her if she still was ok with doing my makeup. She said she was busy studying and went that’s ok! I didn’t tell my friend that I thought she didn’t like me or anything. I just stayed surface level and said she’s busy studying! That’s ok! I don’t think my face is a good canvas for her preferred makeup.

I have literally never tried harder in my life to be good to someone. And that girl fucking despised me. She didn’t just dislike me but she wanted EVERYONE to hate me. And she went out of her way to make that happen.

And that’s what’s devastating about it. Not that she was a great person. She wasn’t. She said things that disturbed me all the fucking time and I would be positive and compliment her on something that’s going well for her or that’s she’s doing good now. I successfully for the first time since elementary school stayed positive with someone who tried so hard to make me say something mean. And instead of anything good was punished for it.

And she did what she sought out to do. My friends stayed on my side and told me how they didn’t understand why she disliked me so much. But I could always see them wondering - it’s it true? She’s actually insane to be with too long isn’t she? So many things for the next few months that they didn’t just tell me she was doing. They waited to see if I brought it up myself. Like I told my one friend days later that I asked someone on my floor if they knew why she had moved out. If she said anything specific about what I’d done. And he told me he didn’t even know she left. That’s when my friend spoke up and said - no she tagged him on fb and said thanks for helping her move out. No one told me toll the next year that she had added the boy I liked on fb. Not till once again I said I was talking to him and it was good at first but then he suddenly pulled away and idk why. Then suddenly - oh yeah! She added him on fb btw - they’re friends.

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Newbern Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 24126

"Newbern Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 24126

Newbern Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 24126

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Named driver had crash. Should I tell my car insurance?

Last year my girlfriend has a car crash, she was not at fault. So she didn't tell her insurance company and claimed of the other party. So she is assuming her car insurance does not know. Now I am looking to get insured on my first car. If I add her to my insurance as a named driver the premium is about 200 less. The problem is she doesn't want me to tell the insurance company that she crashed, as they asked has the named driver crash. I am now worried I were to crash, they would see she had crashed and void the insurance. I am tempted just to get my insurance in my name and pay the extra 200 for peace of mind. She will not under any circumstance tell her insurer she crashed as she thinks her premiums will rise. But I have found out that the insurance companies have a database of all claims, so they can easily find out that she has crashed. She refused to allow me to put on my application for insurance that she has crashed. What to do?""

How to stop the direct debit car insurance and switch to another?

I want to stop my current policy with RAC.. and switch to another car insurance which is cheaper. How do I go about doing this? I pay monthy.

Whats the best car i can get for around 3000 to 3500? london?

im 18 so one cheap on insurance. I want a fast, reliable car.""

""My truck got totaled, now the insurance wants to give me crap for payout. Can I negotiate?""

I had a 2000 Sierra that was probably the nicest truck in town. I have pictures of how it looked, videos of how it ran, and plenty of people to testify it was a nice ride. The insurance wants to give us crap for payout saying that the truck was average to poor condition. Even after stripping off most of my aftermarket stuff, I still have a few thousand $$ still on the truck. I know they don't cover aftermarket stuff, but if I can't take it off, I should be compensated for it. Can I negotiate with them or do I have to take what they offer me? I've already told them that I don't like what they offered me since my truck wasn't the junk car they are paying me for. Can they turn around and just tell me they won't pay anything since I didn't take the first offer?""

Cheapest insurance companies in the UK for new/young drivers?

I have recently bought a car, I am 18 years old and my driving test is on the 18th of December. Obviously I need to insure the car for when I pass but I was looking for a relatively cheap insurance company because obviously they're rediculously expensive. any advice? Thanks.""

How much per month would insurance be at 18y.o.?

I'll be in the military soon, so I'll need a car and transportation (in the instance that I'm not shipped to the sandbox). I've tried looking up quotes on progessive and a few other instant quote people online. But the confusing part is they all seem incredibly high. I put in the car as a 2010 mazda 3(which I hope to have), and age at 18, and all the other info. It had me at 800/mo with no collateral or collision coverage. What the f? I tried all different car combinations but they all were high or in the general extreme area. Can someone let me know what I'm doing wrong?""

Are custom orthotics covered by health insurance?

I heard getting a pair is expensive but i need them for running uninjured

Where can we find cheap life insurance?

Insurance costs?

How much do you pay for your medical/life insurance each month? Mine is about RM200.

Car insurance for 17 year old?

im 17 and have looked nearly all the comparison sites for car insurance and theyre all coming with prices like 3000-6000. and the car is just a fiat punto a 1242cc.i know it was going to be expensive but i have been reading that people have been getting insures for like 1200 who are 17 aswell. could it be the car make or should i look for a really small car like a vauxhall corsa.

Renting an Apartment: Is this cost per month affordable for my budget?

The apartment's rent is $750 a month...I'm living with 2 other roommates, so we are dividing that cost three ways. We'll each owe $250 a month...plus electric ($35 - $50 a month), plus cable t.v. ($30 - $40 a month), plus WiFi internet ($30 - $40 a month). So all together, each of us will owe around $275 a month, roughly. I make $32,000 a year before taxes and health insurance...I make a $250 car payment per month, and car insurance is $1000 (+ or -) for 6 months. This is my first time renting (I'm 20), so I want to be sure that I can afford this apartment.""

How much to insure for drivers insurance?

Im 16, so I know it will be expensive. I will be getting a 4 Cyl car, either a Honda Prelude, Civic, Accord, Nissan 240sx, something along those lines. I took a drug and alcohol class which takes off 15% and then I got a B average which takes off another 10% can someone please tell me how much it would be a month? Thank you""

Newbern Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 24126

Im looking for car insurance?

coverage for individuals who are less able to afford auto insurance

Auto insurance Price?

I have USAA for auto insurance and I have been paying about $1,000 every 6 months. I did a online quote with Geico and for the exact same coverage(supposedly) it will be $364 every 6 months. How are they THAT MUCH CHEAPER? Is there any reason why I should not leave USAA today and go to Geico?""

Cheap Insurance for 16 driver??

I am looking for the cheapest insurance company for a 16 year old driver that can't go on any other persons policy. Can only go on individual policy!!!! Thanks for any ideas or companies

Will my Geico go up after 6 months?

My Geico is only $62.84 monthly. I have the 6 month plan. I had Allstate before switching to Geico last month. I switched because every 6 months Allstate would go up by $25. I could NOT afford it! So I switched to Geico because it was $125 cheaper monthly. Everyone I've talked to said theres hasnt went up after 6 months. I have no criminal record, no tickets, no felonys no nothing, etc. So I was wondering for all you Geico customers, has Geico been good? Has it went up after 6 months? No arrogant answers, please!""

Is Foremost Auto Insurance good insurance?

I am looking at switching to Foremost for my auto insurance and was wondering if anyone had any comments or experiences about auto insurance through Foremost Insurance company.

What is a 1989-94 Nissan 240sx considered as?

Sports car, classic, what? I mean what would the car insurance consider it as? Serious question, mature answers please. Thanks!""

What company has the lowest auto insurance rates? I tried looking on wikipedia but I couldn't find it. I'm?

Which car would have the highest insurance rates out of these?

1. 2001 Audi TT Coupe 33,000 miles 2. 2007 Saturn Sky Convertible 8,603 miles 3. 2006 Volkswagen Jetta 31,000 miles 4. 2007 Scion tC 39,000 miles I am 16, and these are all stick shifts, and when i get one of these 4 in December, i think the one of the biggest factors for me at least comes down to insurance costs.""

Maternity related services considered inpatient for insurance?

Most individual plans (87%) do not offer maternity coverage. I was fortunate enough to still be covered under an old employer by paying COBRA, and a majority of my expenses were covered. I had twins and had to have a C-Section. So now that I know I'm most likely to have a C-Section again, and who knows, another set of twins! (complete surprise) and am still of child bearing age. I am now under an individual plan, that does not offer maternity coverage. I was reading under the 'Inpatient' services and it listed this: Unlimited coverage is provided for medically necessary physician and surgeon services, semi-private rooms, operating rooms and related facilities, intensive and coronary care units, laboratory, x-rays, radiology services and procedures, medications and biologicals, anesthesia, special duty nursing as prescribed, short-term rehabilitation services, nursing care, meals and special diets So anyone who has experience or knowledge, would something like a C-Section be covered under inpatient? What does maternity coverage only cover normally. That $60*** bill scares me! Also, I keep reading about a new health care bill effective 2014 where individual plans must include maternity as an essential benefit. Anyone have any more details about that? State specific etc?""

Are States legally allowed to require car insurance?

Can the State legally mandate that citizens buy insurance from consumer agencies that have little to no regulation of price and guaranteed service? Can we consider this question with ...show more

I got a ticket for jaywalking. Will it affect my insurance?

I live in California and was wondering if I should just pay it? I'm just wondering if it will affect my insurance but it wasn't a traffic ticket and I'm confused.

How Much Of Your Income Can You Use On A Car?

How much of your income is it appropriate to use on a car? I am not talking about insurance or gas, just the retail price of the car. Would you say as low as 1%, 5%, 10%, 15%, or what? Thanks.""

I'm 17 years old how can i get my insurance premium cheaper please? Any help is appreciated thanks?

Heya i was wondering how a 17 year old guy can get his insurance premium down please thanks

Subaru wrx insurance !!?

first of all I'm 20 about to turn 21 in december and I'm currently looking at purchasing a 2009 or 2010 subaru wrx i called to get a quote and they told me id be paying 460 a month! with no accidents no tickets and i got my license at age 18. so i got another quote under my dads information and it dropped significantly to 68 dollars. i was wondering if this would be okay to do because id buy the car and he would be insured as the primary driver of the vehicle and I'm not sure the legality of this oh I'm in sunny san diego california btw!! so basically can i buy the car and have my dad under the insurance I'm on his plan but for another car not my future wrx thanks for your help!!!

""I crashed my car and wrote it off, is it worth claiming on my car insurance?""

I was driving down the road and the rear tyre blew out which sent me accross the road into a tree then catapulted me into another tree into a ditch. The car is a write off! luckily i only have very bad whip lash and bruises. The car is only worth book price of 500 max, i have 4 years no claims. Is it worth claiming on the insurance or not I do have Fully comprehensive. Can i get anything for personal injury as i am unable to work at the moment. Not to mention i need to purchase a new car. Any help much appreciated.""

Would I be eligible for EI if I get fired for not being able to pay car insurance?

I work on call and recently I have barely been getting any hours so now I can still afford next months rent but not car insurance. And this job cannot be done without a car. So if I am not able to afford the car insurance because my boss doesn't give me enough hours, and if he fires me because I am not able to do work because I can't afford car insurance, would I be eligible for EI?""

Car insurance on rentals?

do i have to do the insurance myself or do the rental company do this for me?

Cheapest & Best Auto/Motorcycle Insurance?

Can people please share what they think is the cheapest & best insurance? We currently have state farm & feel we're getting ripped off. We have 2 vehicles 93' Ford F150 (owned, no payments) 00' Chevy Cavalier (owned, no payments) 83' Honda Sabre(Motorcycle, owned, no payments) THANK YOU! Also, why do they ask for a SS# when you apply?Are there any companies who dont? I hope theyre not checking my credit score =( I'm trying to raise it!""

What is the basic kind of insurance required by California Law?

What kind of insurance covers something like another driver hitting your car door, and then driving off before you could get their license plate # what is comprehensive , and what is collision, ?""

How much does car insurance in u.s.a. cost I need to know or i'm sincerely screwed so please help I loove you?

Hello I'm about to go the u.s. to work in production. anyway what I'd like to know is what's the cost of car insurance. I'm a male whose been aged 21 years old since august 2010; and if i get a car over there it will probably be me fist. just want to know can you give me an average price - is it expensive or would it be under $5,000. for example i know you'll say it depends but please just give me a rough guestimate or average THANK YOU P.S. I LOVE AMERICA.""

Car insurance for another person?

Hey guys, so I'm gonna get a car soon. I turned 18 back in January. My mom is going to buy me a car soon, but only if the insurance isn't that high. So, seeing as I really want the car I have in mind, I need to know some things about car insurance. My mom has gotten into an accident before also, plus the car in mind is a sports car. A Nissan 350z to be exact. So my question is, can I get insurance for that car even though it's under her name? I've never gotten into an accident before, and plan to get my license soon. Thanks!""

What is the cheapest car insurance?

in Richardson, Texas.""

Should I cancel my life insurance?

I am late 30s, single, no children,not going to have children. I have home equity to cover any outstanding bills. I got the policy as a life/retirement/disability policy combo. I became disabled. I am still paying $100/for the life insurance. Metlife guaranteed cash value $2100 reduced paid up insurance $12500 if I cancel now do I get the cash value? what is reduced paid up insurance mean? i want an opinion from someone other than metlife before I contact them. the life insurance value is 110k if i keep the insurance it looks like I get back my investment plus $5000 when I am 65 if I live to 98, i get the full life insurance amount. The disability policy is only 5 years. I am currently 10,000 in debt as a result of months without income until I got SSDI and metlife disability..and having to pay a lot of credit card interest--just to stay in my 3 room run down apartment... I can put that $2100 toward the debt and pay less interest....and also stop paying the $100/month premium and put that toward the debt too...that's another $1200/year.. is this how it works...if i cancel do I get the $2100 now... or is it better to stick with the insurance....""

Will my insurance go up?

will my insurance go up if i got a speeding ticket. i just got a speeding ticket almost doing 20 miles over the speed limit so i am worrying if it will effect my insurance or not and i have two accidents on it too. should i do the class or pay the ticket off?

""Car Insurance, ammended details of profession lead to increased premium?""

My car insurance company rang me two weeks ago asking to update my details. I was previously registered as a student and unemployed but changed this to working part time as an admin assistant. A week ago I received my new certificate of insurance but today they rang me to say that my premium had increased by 150! I find this difficult to understand how changing my profession from student to admin could whack up my premium by this much. At the same time they offered me a new deal from another insurer , which they claimed would be cheaper, but I refused over the telephone as I felt too confused at the time. Now they told me that they will be sending me the bill to pay off the new increased premium. Can anyone help me confirm whether insurance companies can do this? I am not driving my car any more than I previously had and I cannot see as how my new job increases the risk of me having an accident!! Thanks""

Newbern Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 24126

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Alexandria Louisiana Cheap car insurance quotes zip 71301

"Alexandria Louisiana Cheap car insurance quotes zip 71301

Alexandria Louisiana Cheap car insurance quotes zip 71301

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://freecarinsurance.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr

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I'm 18 in WIsconsin. Live in country-ish area. Or how do I find out? Call our family agent? Or just the insurance company.

Auto Insurance?

i need to renew my auto insurance next month i drive a Infiniti G35 and a Subaru wrx (not STI) can anyone tell me if they have ever purchased insurance for any of these vehicles and where was the cheapest i need full cov. on both. Or just anywhere its cheap, i live in central california (bakersfield) THANKS""

I need an eye exam but i dont have insurance.?

Do most eyecare centers accept patients without insurance? Where can I go that is affordable?

About how much money does car insurance cost?

Im 15 going to be 16. Wondering how much money car insurance would cost. I would be getting my parents old car.

Cheapest car insurance for young new drivers?

Please help! I am sitting my test on the 21st of November and would really like to buy and insure a car if i pass asap. So far the cheapest ive found is 3700 using comparison sites on a Daewood 0.8Litre engine. Third party cover only. I was hoping to get a policy under 2,500. I will be the only name on the policy (none of my parents drive) and Ive heard about pass pluss etc. All I want to know is the best car insurance companys for new young male drivers and what are the best cars (I have looked at punto's corsa's and clio's but seen that the smaller engine size (like a daewood at 0.8) the cheaper) Thank you!""

Alexandria Louisiana Cheap car insurance quotes zip 71301

How much is the fine for no insurance in texas?

police set up a routine check up on a one way street and everything was good seat belt, DL, inspection sticker but the cop forgot to ask me for the insurance so he sent someone else to chek my insurance and thats when they got me""

Affordable dental insurance?

I need two teeth fixed, one molar extracted and braces, prefer the invisible kind. I'm looking for some dental insurance, that's inexpensive, that will help cover paying for these things.""

""How to lower my car insurance, young driver.?""

How much does insurance cost for your first car?

Which insurance company is best ?

im 15 going on 16 and i need car insurance im getting either geico which is my mom's insurance or farmer's which is my dad's my mom had farmers but farmers is too expensive the car i will be driving is a 2000 Nissan Sentra SE (automatic) http://www.edmunds.com/flipper/do/MediaNav/styleId=9585/firstNav=Gallery it looks exactly like the red one except its green and it has brown leather seats and a new radio system :]] its my brothers old car he hardly uses it since he has a brand new 2008 Nissan Altima so my Sentra is free :]] my dad will probably pay for my car stuff .or they will split it . i live in a city around the houston area . p.s can you give me your guess of how much i will be paying a month for insurance or perhaps every 6 months ? and which insurance company should i get ? p.s idk if this helps but my mom drives a 2004 Infiniti G35 Sedan and my dad drives a 2001 Jaguar XJ8 .

""Im wanting car insurance, what would be the best one for me?""

I am buying my first car, and getting a 1996 BMW 318i , im 18 years old, have a restricted licence, havnt had any driving convinctions or crashes and I live in NZ, Im just wanting to know what insurance would be best for me either Full or 3rd party etc, and how much that would roughly cost""

How long does it take for an auto insurance company to investigate and claim liability?

My daughter was in a car accident on Feb. 25. She was traveling straight in the southbound lane, when a rushing man in the northbound lane turned left in front of her. The driver admitted that he was upset because he had been following a school bus for the last 20 minutes and his friend, whom he was trying to pick up, was late for work. He stated that when he saw the driveway that he cut from behind the bus to turn in then realized from the skidding that he turned in front of a car. His insurance company is still investigating and waiting for pics of the scene and his friends statement. I was told by his insurance company (USAA) that witnesses not listed on the police report could not be used, but his friend is not on the police report and they are waiting for her statement. NC State Highway Patrol responded to the scene and the driver was cited for failure to yield the right of way. The driver was apologetic and admitted several times around a number of people that he must have blanked out or was daydreaming from the frustration of the school bus. USAA is saying that they need to make sure that my daughter was not 1% at fault, meaning speeding perhaps. The officer estimated her speed at impact at around 40 mph and the speed limit is 55mph. She hit the drivers back tire of his Jeep Wrangler (small truck) causing him to rest in a small trench or ditch ion the side of the attempted driveway. The front passenger side above the front tire and the front by the headlight is damaged on her car. She tried to avoid him, protect her younger sister (13) and avoid veering to much left in fear of hitting the school bus. My girls were terrified when I arrived 15 minutes after the accident. USAA stated that she may have had time to instanly stop, but she tried everything that she could do. In my opinion, she should have never been put into that situation. USAA is saying that points of contact are off, but my insurance agent said that she hit the back tire because a Jeep Wrangler is only 5 ft long and he was not towing a boat or driving a common sized vehicle. Plus the driver admitted to pushing down on the accelerator when he realized what was happening. I just need to have someones advice on this matter before hiring a lawyer. Thank you.""

What is the best short term life insurance plan between monthly premium rupees 500 to 800?

What is the cheapest auto insurance ?

Is safe auto cheaper than pronto insurance?

What is the cheapest motorcycle insurance?

so im gonna get a motorcycle but i dont know much about all the insurance and stuff..and i just wanted to know which is the cheapest? i go to school with a guy who pays $80 every 3 months, which is only about $26 every month, which seems like a pretty good deal.""

Where can I get homeowners insurance?

My homeowners policy was dropped because I have three Rottweilers. Do you know of anybody who will issue homeowners to me?

Insurance on a ninja 250?

Hey I have been looking for my first bike and since I have no experience shifting and riding I want a small bike so I was thinking a ninja 250. From what I have seen they have plenty of power for me, and in my price range so I was wondering how much these cost to insure? I have allstate for my car if that matters? thanks a lot. and please don't tell me I need to be safe... I am already signed up for my permit class and a safety class. and I am no wheelie riding 100mph rider... just looking to commute and go for rides. Thanks""

Is there a price auto-insurance difference between a 2 door and 4 door Honda Civic?

Here is my situation which could possibly affect the the insurance pricing. I just turned 16 and my dad and I are looking at a 2008 Honda Civic EX-L Coupe and Honda Civic EX/LX (not sure model) Sedan. He is worried the insurance will cost more for the 2 door coupe? Will this make a difference in insurance cost? My logic is that a Honda Civic 2 door is not exactly that much of a sporty vehicle and is still a very reliable car so I need a good answer. Thanks

Help! Car insurance question?

If you get pulled over and it's not a wreck just for speeding and u don't have car insurance do u get ur license taken away? Or what can u do to have theme not taken away if so

Do I need to mention car insurance claims when going for motorbike insurance?

Title says it all really! I have a car insurance claim against me which I want to know if I have to declare when applying for motorbike insurance. Hopefully not, because motorcycling is quite different to car driving..?! Thanks!""

Does the car insurance charge extra more for adding a teen driver under 18?

i'm 17 now and will be in august i need to learn driving and get the license in this summer break i've the driving permit my dad is the only driver in the family's car insurance plan so, does the insurance charge more if i'm under 18? if yes, i'm going to apply it after my birthday thanx""

Renault clio? first time insurance how to get it cheap?

looking at a clio 1999-2003 model any hints on how to get cheaper? got a quote for 4000 today!

How much is pilots insurance ?

First of all is there such a thing as pilots insurance, if so how much is average""

How much would insurance be for a 16 year old in GA?

I'm 16, I own a 2005 Chevrolet Cavalier LS Sport- 2 door, live in Athens, GA, drive less than 7,000 miles annually, drive to and from work and school 5 days a week... haha. I just want to know how much it would be monthly for car insurance on any of the companies. Any help would be appreciated. :)""

Car Insurance Coverage Question?

I was involved in a rental car about a year ago out of town in severe weather and ended up rear ending the person in front of me, so it goes down as my fault. I did not buy the insurance from Avis, the rental car company, so my regular car insurance applies. This is my first accident in 17 years of driving, so this may sound like a silly question, but I am wondering if I pay just one $750 deductible (my deductible is $750) for damage to the two cars, or if I pay a $750 deductible for each car totaling $1500? Thanks!""

What car insurance company has the policy that you insure on person but anyone can drive it and be insured?

Switching car insurance?

I am thinking of switching to Esurance, it's about $25 a month cheaper than my current insurance. Anyone have any experience or knowledge of Esurance? How hard is it to switch?""

Cost to insure 2000 bmw 318?

Im 18 and currently live in Iowa. Im looking into buying a used BMW but dont want to pay an insane amount for insurance. I was just wondering what I would pay for a 2000 BMW 318. Sedan v6. Estimated price? Compared to my 2001 4cyl Honda accord sedan? Thanks

How much does it cost for insurance on a scooter in europe?

I don't need an exact number, just give me a range.""

Where can I apply for free or low cost health insurance?

Im a poor student that works less than 20 hrs a week. I am a permanent resident (not a citizen). Please help. I think im going to die soon (see my other question). I also live in montgomery county maryland if that helps

Alexandria Louisiana Cheap car insurance quotes zip 71301

How much does it cost to start an insurance office in california?

I'm looking into starting a new insurance office within the next couple of years. As of now, I'm getting the basic, but I need to know what I need to prepare myself for? Can somebody help me?""

I need cheap car insurance in New York City?

I need cheap (FULL) coverage for a financed vehicle in the NEw York Area...I've tried the popular sites...any leads?

Will getting a speeding ticket affect my insurance rate?

I was going 71 in a 55 zone which is 16 over. I am 18 and still on my parents insurance and want to know if and how much my insurance rate will go up and if there is anything I can do. I got the ticket yesterday and haven't told them yet. I really want to just pay it and get over with it but if my insurance goes up I am looking at a whole other problem! Thanks for all your help in advance.

How much does medical insurance cost per month?

I'm talking about medical insurance gotten through an employer. And I'm interested in the FULL premium, not just the employee's share. (So if your employer pays half, multiply your payment by 2.) Whatever your situation, please let me know. Because I want to know what to expect for each of the following situations: - Employee Only Insured - Employee + Spouse - Employee + Child - Whole Family Thanks!""

Maternity health insurance question?

My son may be the father of a child, due next month. If paternity test proves him to be the dad, can her insurance go after his insurance to pay for the prenatal and delivery bills? This is in New York State""

Motor bike insurance?

i am interested in getting a motor bike (125cc) so how much is insurance for a 17 year old who has just completed there cbt and the bike is a shed at nite and is used little amount of travel like to and from collage i live in north norfolk ,3rd party only ,and it will be a cheapish bike 2nd hand and a off road style, no more then 1000, prob a manual and i know it can differ a lot from person to person but i want a rough idea to compare against getting a car or walking i hope i have included enough detail thanks""

2009 honda and liability insurance?

hi there, I'm 22 years old and currently pay 116 bucks a month for a 959 deductible and I think it sucks. Is it possible for me to get liability insurance on this car I've had for 2 years??""

Added my newborn to my insurance after 30 days?

help ! after i had my new baby things wre so hectic for me. he had jaundice and in and out of doctors.. my toddler had dental promblems . i had post partum issues myself and by the time i called to add baby to insurance it was abt 12 days after the 30 day period . my insurance is united healthcare thru my previous employer that im currently on cobra with.. they denied adding my newborn and said they wll send me a letter so i can appeal but im afraid that wont help . any advice on what i can do .. i cant imagine nt hvng insurance for my baby..especially we just got home from the hospital yestrday bcz he has broncholitus .. so i wl be billed for that . i know i called to add him late but hopeflly there gtta be something i can do. i means its for a child i live california .. any advice on how to handle this

How can I take the insurance of my car off my parents name?

Okay sooo, my dad has never been a good father figure until i turned 16. I'm now 17 and have a car that i bought and i have the title and loan in my name. He is the co-signer. He also pays the insurance. I have a boyfriend and he doesn't like it when i have a boyfriend. He thinks i'm too young for one. My mom and him are divorced and i live with my mom. She doesn't care that i have a boyfriend and lets me go over to his house and go on dates, etc. He doesn't approve. So he threatened to take my car away if i don't be home when he says. My home is my moms house. I have more of a right to listen to her than i do my dad. She thinks so too. He says since he pays the insurance he should be able to take my car away if he wants to. I offered to pay my own but he won't let me because then he won't have anything to hold over my head. How can i get my own insurance and take it off his name without him knowing until its done?""

Can my dad (lives out of State) add me to his car insurance policy?

Hi. I'll be getting my first car soon and I have some questions regarding car insurance. My Dad lives out of state (I live with my mother), and I was wondering if he can add me to his insurance policy. I believe he has State Farm. I understand that it would be cheaper to go under my parent's policy than to create a new policy just for myself. My mother is unwilling to add me to her car insurance policy due to the fact that I am under 21 (insurance rates will increase). If anyone who is in the industry / has experience or knowledge about this and could shed some light, I'd appreciate it. Thanks in advanced. BTW: I'm in the US.""

How much would Insurance be for a Porsche 924 in Britain?

Hey guys, I am going to be turning 21 this August and hope to pick up a porsche 924 up. Do you know roughly how much this would cost me in terms of insurance costs? Thanks in advance! -R""

1998 Firebird insurance?

I'm 16, got my license last week, and my dads buying my first car for me. Yeah call me spoiled but that's how he did it with my brother so he said he has to be fair. Anyways, I want a 98 Firebird. V6 3.8L auto trans. I was looking at 01-03 Ford Rangers but were too pricey. Budget is $5k. Found a 98 Firebird for $3k. Is the insurance any worse on a 98 firebird than an 02 ranger? Thanks""

Can i get homeowners insurance on second home?

I have a second home and need to get homeowners insurance on it. Is it possible to get this kind of policy on a second home?

What is the penalty for driving without insurance in california?

what is the penalty for driving without insurance in california?

Any advice for a 17 year old in regards car insurance?

Hi, just wondering if anyones any advice on how to lower the price of an insurance quote for a 17 year old? So far all the quotes I've had are above 6,000. This isn't even just one type of car, I've tried numerous cars and engine sizes etc and even a 1.0L Corsa was over 6,000 any help or guidance would be appreciated. I've seen online about the average price being around 3,000 so far I've seen nothing like that, it's ridiculous.""

I am looking for health insurance?

I run a small nonprofit with a staff of 3. We are looking for affordable health insurance.

""If you're car is stolen, will your insurance rates increase if you are reimbursed by your insurance?""

If you're car is stolen, will your insurance rates increase if you are reimbursed by your insurance?""

Blood test and insurance?

IS THE BLOOD TEST FOR AFP COVERED BY MY INSURANCE?

Looking for quality boat insurance that does not cost an arm & a leg?

Insurance pricing for a Honda Civic Coupe vs Sedan?

I'm looking to get a new car and was wondering if the insurance would be pricier if I got the civic coupe? I mean it's technically not really a sports car and is not much different than the sedan aside from its appearance. I'm 21 and have had my license for over 3 years if that makes any difference.

What papers do you need for car insurance?

Alright I don't know too much all I know is I'm determined, I want a car with car insurance on it. My dad has a car in which he is going to let me have and I am going with him next week to get car insurance. What papers do I need to present in order to get the car insurance because I want to be ready. I'm not sure what insurance I want yet but I believe he might be putting the insurance in his name and mine being that I am a young driver.""

What is a cheap car to insure for an 18yr old

and who does cheap insurance?

Is California more expensive because of too many people...?

And not enough properties? Or is it expensive because of high insurance because it's in an earthquake zone, or is it expensive because of high taxes? What is it EXACTLY that makes California expensive? I count other cities beside L.A. too.""

Just checked quotes for insurance of cars and it comes to 7000 pounds.?

Well the cars i have selected are Audi a4, bmw 3 and 1 series, merc A and C class, and cars equavilant to this range, hel me to find away to reduce the insurance to 1000-3000 pounds i have my relatives in here shall i buy insurance considering his nae as first owner and me as 2nd what are the cons for doing this. Help me dont wanna get douchy car.""

What is compulsory excess on car insurance and how do u pay it?

i just applied for car insurance and it says that my compulsory excess is 250 my deposit is 201 + 80 per month.

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https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/individual-health-insurance-quotes-north-carolina-donald-banks/"

0 notes

roughentumble · 7 years ago

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a freaky and disorienting thing is that ive realized that, as i accept more and more that i am a trans guy and thats ok, the more i sympathize w/ male characters that are just........ objectively The Worst. like i suffered through the ENTIRETY of Just Friends(2005) for Ryan Reynolds, and-- actually, hold on a sec, before i get back to the point i gotta take a quick sidebar to explain the pain, the TORTURE that is Just Friends, the 2005 film starring Ryan Reynolds and Amy Smart, and written by Adam 'Tex' Davis.

i had to watch it muted for like 90% of the film. the intensity of the “cringe” aspect of this film that bills itself as a “cringe “”””comedy””””” was so off-the-charts that i physically could not stop myself from vocalizing my discomfort through groans and screeches. i would mute the film, turn the screen away, play on my phone for a minute because i literally could not handle seeing the rest of the scene, only to turn my computer back around and find it STILL ON THE EXACT SAME SCENE. i skipped entire swathes of the film. it literally got to the point that i could not handle what was happening and i just--

i gave up! i gave up and i just skipped forward until i found scenes i thought i could handle, or that featured two people Talking instead of some Event Happening, and i’d watch that, and then the scene would change and i’d be in Suffer Town again, population 1: me. Me is the only inhabitant of Suffer Town. so much of the movie hinges so thoroughly on like-- like. A Person Failing At A Thing They’re Good At. and it made me want to die. i think this movie gave me depression, on top of my preexisting depression. it squared my depression.

OKAY, back to my original point. or like, a mixture of explaining The Film, and explaining why my own reaction to it startled me so much. anyway.

so, ignoring the intense amount of Suffering you’ll have to live through if you’re bound and determined to watch ryan reynold’s entire filmography and you get to this monstrosity, the gist of the plot is thus: ryan reynolds plays a man who was a Stock Dweeb Character in high school. overweight, very low self-esteem, “uncool” hobbies, a very uncomfortable fixation on the one pretty girl who is nice to him and hangs out with him(who herself is dating a Stock Jerk Jock Football Player, who we’ll call SJJ, because I can’t remember his name and he doesn’t matter). on their graduation night they throw a party, he signs her yearbook with a Love Confession, and intends to give it to her.

something something The Yearbooks Accidentally Get Swapped, something something She Reads The Wrong Note And Goes “Um. Wtf My Dude????”. cue him going “NOO I DIDNT WRITE THAT WHAT? WHAT? WAIT OH NOOOO!!!”. cue him running downstairs and seeing SJJ reading his confession aloud to a chorus of twittering classmates.

so yeah, he’s embarrassed, the whole school’s laughing at him because of Course. he runs from the party yelling that he’s going to “be somebody” and also something about how the rest of them will never be anybody. ya’know. that usual thing you see Generic Stock Nerds saying when their feelings are real hurt in movies.

cut to the future. he looks like ryan reynolds in 2005, so, you know. Really Fucking Good. like, Only Reason To Watch This Garbage Film levels of good. like, They Should Have Given Him Shirtless Scenes As Payment For Me Sitting Through The Rest Of It kinda’ fine. anyway. he’s hot and beautiful and is a talent manager for celebrities. he’s all rich and attractive, and he’s a complete sack of garbage to women.

he’s actively horrified of the “friendzone”(im cringing right now just writing the word. its so awful) and he’s really not interested in women above a surface level. we see a woman at a bar who’s clearly his date telling him that he’s the Worst and that he needs to see women as people. as she talks he is disinterested at best. she walks away and another lady, who’s overheard the conversation, looks him up and down and decides she doesn’t really care what he’s like because he’s pretty, they flirt, and suddenly he’s been broken up with and acquired a NEW date in the span of about a minute of screentime.

he gets women basically wherever he goes, because he’s only really interested in a specific type of person and(i promise this is the last time i say it) because he looks like 2005 ryan reynolds.

so because of some Plot Devices, he ends up back in his hometown and unable to get a plane out. he sees SJJ who is now a washed-up drunkard who wears his old varsity jacket around because Of Course. ryan finds him offputting, as do i, and it’s one of the few nearly funny scenes in the film, just because i enjoy juxtaposition and so(despite it being the most boilerplate, run-of-the-mill, dull point to make in a film) it actually was something i didn’t hate to see.

he also sees Pretty Girl From High School. they semi-hit it off. she’s shocked that he looks Like That(i know i promised not to mention it again but it’s a legit plot point this time leave me alone), he’s shocked she still looks Like That. they agree to get food the next day.

ryan acts like a bit of a dick, name-dropping celebs he works with left and right, and getting really aggressive when a waitress drops off a plate of his old usual(a really fattening pancake... thing. it looked gross tbqh.) and like, ok, so, i just, here’s where i--

okay. okay. okay. okay. in Ye Olde Days, i wouldve written him off as a douche, and hated him, and, i. i

i couldnt help but, feel, SO bad for him???? like. okay. he just. he had NO self-esteem as a teen. he felt extremely bad about himself, for a TON of reasons, so he literally ran away and reinvented himself entirely and, found a marginal amount of enjoyment from his life???? like, was he happy? no. but he was... he hated himself a little less maybe? he worked really hard to feel good about his body, he worked really hard to get a job he felt any semblance of pride in, he worked REALLY hard to eventually get to a place where he could feel... literally anything positive at any point. he genuinely truly put in real effort to become healthy and have a good career.

and then he, he gets stuck back at his old house, and people are trying to force him to eat food that makes him feel awful and then mocking him when he gets defensive about it, he gets injured and needs to go back to wearing his retainer again, he openly fails at a BUNCH of stuff that he’s specifically been working REALLY FUCKIN HARD AT, for YEARS, because he was insecure about being bad at it in high school(like ice skating, he’s really good at it now because he sucked in high school and he wanted to overcome that), and then also receives more mocking for failing at it, and. you just.

you’re watching someone who was at the bottom of a pit of despair, who clawed tooth and nail at the clay walls of their misery-prison in order to haul themselves all the way up to the lofty height of “misery pit again, but different this time”, as they get caught in a downpour that completely erases all their progress and they slide right back to where they started. you see him completely regress and it K I L L E D me. he gets stuck back in a place where every single flaw he tried to overcome is just! shoved! back! on him! all over!

and, yeah, he’s. not great to women. he’s not beating them or anything, i don’t think he treats them SUPER badly, or actively thinking of them as lesser. but it doesn’t change the fact that he is BAD to them, and he thinks of all interactions with attractive women as transactional. and thats TERRIBLE. but i just!!! i cant help myself man i cant stop i just i look at him and all i feel is like!!!!!!!

leave him alone!!!!!!!!!!! get the boy therapy or something!!! dont tear him down like this!!!!!!! we cant just tear someone down every time they make a semblance of an attempt at being Not Miserable!!!!!!!! just!!!!! he doesnt need this, man!!!!! hes literally just The Saddest Person with The Lowest Self Esteem Of All Time, so he uses his newfound ability to find people willing to sleep with him, as a way of raising his self esteem. is he the Best Person? not on your life. but he’s just! a sad little man! who’s trying his best! i dont wanna see him torn to shreds, man. i just want him to realize that his self-worth doesn’t have to rely entirely on whether or not he’s sexually appealing.

because at the end of the day, i think that’s his major problem??? his own self-worth is so thoroughly wrapped up in whether he perceives himself as someone who’s sexually appealing to others.

which like! fuck you! thats considered a Big Problem and So Sad when it’s a girl, if she feels her only self-worth comes from being sexually attractive to men, but, it feels like every time i see a dude goin thru somethin similar, its like “oh hes just a Bad.” and i get it, not only do men have the societal power in this equation, but also when theyre dealin with this same problem, dudes tend to externalize it in really unhealthy and sexist ways, and im not. im not saying every sexist dude just needs a manic pixie dream girl to waltz into his life or some shit!!! im just!!!!!!!!!! idk!!!

i just cant stop sympathizing w/ the dude. and wanting him to get Help. and suffering immensely when i see him literally regressing into a place of misery right before my very eyes.

when really all i was supposed to get from the movie is “man was Fat and Gross. he grow up 2 b Sexist Womanizer. now he see old crush and learn Sexism Bad. then kissy”

#long post tag #LIKE. this is simply one example #i still generally go ''nah hes a Dick'' but ive been. more and more. just bein like #''but...................... b- but........ tht poor guy :(''#and im so lost. i feel like im in a wind tunnel of confusion #maybe this is a Healthier way to be and maybe im just Maturing and this happens to be coinciding with like #getting more comfortable w/ saying im trans and acknowledging im A Dude #so idk. but. still. life is weird and bad and i dont understand #maybe im loosing the Female Perspective. maybe in a month i'll be an incel complaining about Femoids #(im joking)

0 notes

viralhottopics · 8 years ago

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The 10-a-day diet tested: ‘I feel like a sentient composter’

New research suggests that we ought to be eating 10 portions of fruit and veg a day. Stuart Heritage plies himself with the good stuff, and Guardian cook Felicity Cloake judges his efforts

Like everyone else in the world, my blood ran cold when I heard that we are now expected to eat 10 portions of fruit and vegetables every day. That is double the previous recommended amount, and even that required too much effort for my liking. Oh, sure, the effects of 10 a day sound miraculous researchers claim that it would decrease our chance of heart disease by 24%, stroke by 33% and cancer by 13% but it sounds a bit much, doesnt it?

Perhaps not. We wanted to investigate how much fruit and vegetables you need to eat to gain the maximum protection against disease, and premature death. Our results suggest that although five portions of fruit and vegetables is good, 10 a day is even better, said Imperial Colleges Dr Dagfinn Aune, lead author of the research.

What does it mean exactly? Its 10 servings of 80g portions so three tablespoons of peas, or one pear, say, is a single portion. So, is it do-able?

A YouGov poll from 2012 reported that only one in five of us manage to hit five portions a day, let alone 10. Brave pioneer that I am, I decided to find out over the course of a long weekend, before Guardian cook Felicity Cloake judged my efforts and offered some suggestions of how better to hit my goal.

Friday Breakfast

My breakfast usually consists of horrifyingly sugary cereal, to provide me with the artificial jolt of energy required to see me through the morning. Today, however, I eat a grapefruit, a banana and an apple. Better yet, a whole grapefruit counts as two portions. Still, its 7.30am, and Ive already almost hit half of my daily quota. In your face, science. Im going to live for ever.

Except Im not, obviously, because as Harley Street dietitian and sports nutritionist Raquel Britzke points out, favouring fruit over vegetables has problems of its own. Both give you carbohydrates, vitamins, minerals, and fibre, she says. But fruits tend to have more carbs, and consequently more sugar, than vegetables. If you have a slow metabolism or are trying to lose weight, I recommend eating seven portions of veggies and three portions of fruit. Great.

A happy start to the experiment. Photograph: Stuart Heritage

Lunch

G2 sends a photographer to my house, to show the world what I look like when Im near some vegetables. Inadvertently, my lunch becomes all the things that the photographer tells me to put into my mouth. This ends up being an apple, a banana and two different carrots.

Dinner

On a normal day, my meal of chicken and potatoes would have been entirely vegetable-free but, knowing that I now have a target to hit, I pile up a mound of cherry tomatoes on the side and work through those as well. Its not quite the advice I was given by another nutritionist, Laura Thomas, who suggested that all meals should consist of at least 50% vegetables, but its a start. A bowl of watermelon for pudding and Ive easily hit my 10.

Total intake: 10 portions.

Felicitys verdict

Stuart has immediately discovered the easy part of fruit and veg consumption: the fruit bit. Australians are told fruit should make up just two of their recommended seven portions a day because of its effect on blood sugar and he has got through 60g of sugar for breakfast alone. Although our own government seems to take the view that any fresh produce is better than the traditional British diet of Jammie Dodgers, it might be wise to swap some of this fruit for avocado on toast or a mushroom omelette occasionally, and save the sweet stuff for pudding later in the day.

Saturday Breakfast

Now that I have a toddler who can shout the word pancakes in a vaguely threatening manner, Saturday breakfast is always a rigidly enforced stack of banana pancakes. The good news: one stack has a whole banana in it. The bad news: it also has eggs and flour in it, which fill me up much more than just a banana would. However, I still manage to heroically force down an apple and two satsumas as well. Four portions, done and dusted by 8am. I am the best.

Saturday breakfast: banana pancakes and fruit. Photograph: Stuart Heritage

Except, wait. After checking the NHS website, I realise that a satsuma only counts as half a portion, which knocks me back down to three. Undaunted, I eat two more satsumas to boost me back up, which means that Ive now eaten four satsumas in a row for breakfast. This is no way for a man to live.

Snack

I put my son down for a morning nap and, because of this stupid challenge, think: What a perfect opportunity to eat an entire raw carrot. It has been years since I last ate an entire raw carrot, and now I see why. Raw carrots are rubbish all chew and no reward. The carrot takes a thousand years to eat. It takes so long that my son wakes up before I finish, and I have to put the rest of it in my pocket for later. All this work, trying to sneak in a vegetable whenever I have a moment of downtime, is starting to make me feel less like a person and more like a sentient composter.

Lunch

A bowl of chicken-and-vegetable soup (which counts as a portion, according to the label), and two portions of grapes. Two portions of grapes is 28 grapes, which I count out one by one like some sort of shivering Victorian waif. What have I become?

Later, while running errands, the wind begins. There is a good three-minute stretch where a brand-new fart pops out of my trousers with every step I take. This is new. So much for science; I worry that if everyone eats 10 portions of fruit and veg a day, well all end up dead from methane inhalation.

Dinner

Meatballs and pasta and tomato sauce (homemade, so it counts) and another big bowl of watermelon. Ive hit my 10 portions again, and I only had to accidentally fumigate one shop to do it.

Total intake: 10 portions.

Felicitys verdict

Banana pancakes are a painless way to get fruit into children; top with berries to add an extra portion, and ring the changes with cheesy courgette or crispy carrot fritters occasionally. Equally, at this time of year, when salads feel a bit punishing, soup is a lifesaver: minestrone will happily absorb any old odds and ends you have in the fridge. You can also add finely chopped veg to meatballs and burgers (grated carrot or finely chopped spinach are good candidates) and, of course, if Stuart ever finishes that sugary watermelon, he could always knock up a chocolate beetroot or parsnip-and-orange cake as an after-dinner treat.

A bountiful breakfast. Photograph: Stuart Heritage

Sunday Breakfast

The plan was to have a nice, big, healthy breakfast and then head out as a family to a fancy event in London. However, a combination of train cancellations, a sick wife and barely any sleep means that breakfast now consists of a chocolate chip cookie that I made with my son yesterday. The cookie has a glac cherry on it. Glac cherries apparently do not count towards your 10 a day. This feels like an oversight on the part of the NHS.

Lunch

Post-event, with my wife home unwell, my son and I find ourselves in the nightmarish epicentre of tourist hellscape London. Thomass advice for eating out is this: Ordering vegetable sides is a good option, but you could also think about replacing one of your protein foods with beans they can count as one portion per day. Trying to get more vegetarian meals in, too, will make it much easier, and this is consistent with the advice to cut back on red and processed meat.

However, this is an emergency; I just want to survive today. Lunch ends up being something that can be eaten quickly at the nearest possible kid-friendly place: a burger and chips from Giraffe. (Chips dont count as a portion, by the way. I checked.) I could have ordered vegetables but, after yesterdays carrot debacle, I realise that I would still be there chewing on it now if I had. Knowing what a failure today has become, and remembering that Thomas said they count, I order a smoothie. At least thats something.

On the train home, I distract my son and, when he isnt looking, eat some of the snacks I bought for him. I manage six grapes and a third of a satsuma, which is about two-thirds of a portion in total. Still counts, though.

Basically watermelon is terrible for you. Photograph: Stuart Heritage

Dinner

Poor marital communication means that we end up eating chips again in the evening. On the plus side, we also have baked beans. Half a can of baked beans equals one portion of vegetables, and for one beautiful moment I toy with the idea of getting back on track by gorging myself on a multipack. However, the NHS guidance points out that anything over half a can still only counts as one portion, because they dont give the same mixture of vitamins, minerals and other nutrients as fruit and vegetables. This, it dawns on me, also applies to my doubled-up portions of grapefuit, apple and banana on Friday. I check the NHSs five a day website and it explains that to get the maximum benefits, you need to eat different types of fruit and vegetables. Stupid NHS. This isnt why I pay my taxes.

More watermelon for pudding, but this doesnt really make up for anything, especially since Britzke has decided to single out watermelon as one of the worst fruits to eat, thanks to its high glycemic index. Nutritionally, today has been a disaster.

Total intake: 3.66 portions.

Felicitys verdict

The problem with fruit and vegetables is that they tend to take more preparation than merely opening a packet (or, in Stuarts case, the biscuit tin), so its a good idea to keep carrot sticks or broccoli florets handy for those moments when you dont have time to faff about with cooking, ideally with a pot of something delicious to dip them into so you dont lose the will to live and reach for the crisps instead. In fact, like many healthy eating regimes, fitting more fruit and veg into your diet is much easier with a bit of forward planning. Stock up on frozen veg, tins of beans and pulses, and jars of fruit to add to meals when the salad drawer is bare. Also remember that although the potato is cruelly classed, by the powers that be, as a starchy food rather than a vegetable by the powers that be, the sweet potato is not and it makes seriously delicious chips. Just saying, Stuart.

MONDAY Breakfast

Yesterday broke me. Carting a kid about for a day is stressful enough as it is, and fretting about hitting a seemingly arbitrary vegetable target just added another level of anxiety to proceedings. So, today, screw it. Im just going to eat like normal. And, hey, if it kills me, it kills me. Breakfast is a leftover grapefruit. Happy now?

This only soups up the tally by one. Photograph: Stuart Heritage

Snack

An apple. If were being honest, its an apple and two Cadbury Creme Eggs. But were only counting the fruit and vegetables I eat, not any of my other disgusting dietary habits. Still, thats two portions so far.

Lunch

More chicken-and-vegetable soup. That makes three portions of fruit and veg. If these were the bad old days, back when we were all gormless knuckle-draggers who only thought we needed to eat five portions a day to be healthy, Id have been laughing. God, I miss the bad old days.

Dinner

I make shepherds pie. It contains two tins of tomatoes, two onions, two carrots, a leek that I had lying around and some frozen peas. If Ive done my maths right, divided by five, I think this works out at three portions a person. Add in the requisite bowl of watermelon at the end and thats four portions.

Total intake: seven portions.

Felicitys verdict

In just four days, Stuarts achieved fruit and veg enlightenment: the secret to eating more is to incorporate them into your ordinary diet, rather than hoping youll magically turn into the kind of person who enjoys snacking on raw kale. Adding extra portions to stews, curries, ragus and the like makes it feel a lot less like eating rabbit food than munching on a raw carrot next time he could try mixing some celeriac into the mash on top of his shepherds pie, too. And dont worry if some days are better than others: if beans on toast and an apple are the best you can manage, its still better than nothing. Even if you do have a Creme Egg on the side.

Total four-day intake: 30.66/40 portions

(If you let me have the doubled-up fruit and veg, which you shouldnt, but hey.)

Without really trying, Ive come tantalisingly close to the target. It hasnt made me too farty. It hasnt caused me any stress. So perhaps this is the secret here: you should just eat as many portions of fruit and vegetables as you can without letting it take over your life. If it goes belly-up for a day which it will, because there is more to life than endlessly chewing on foliage then thats not a big deal. After all, whats the point of living longer if its just going to make you uptight, unhappy and flatulent? Quit whining, science. Im doing fine.