#oh and like promotion and publishing whenever it's done

[theninjazebra]

was feeling kind discouraged at how little art i've posted in the last year

then i penciled "ODF page 80" at the top of my paper and went ooooh yeah that's right.

[foxcort]

fanfic writing tag game

thank you so much for tagging me @sad-scarred-sassy + @achaotichuman 💚 these dash games are always sm fun!

Describe your writing process from idea to posting/publishing.

So, I use to write in chronological order, which seriously seriously killed my ability to finish anything (I'm still trying to distance myself from this method), but then @highlordofkrypton posted about her method and I've been using 'dump documents' since and its slowly restoring my ability to stick to a project. So the revised version of my process is whenever I get an idea, I word vomit onto a 'dump document' until all the ideas, scenes, dynamics, quotes, vibes, images are physically on the document. Basically so they are out of my head and physically in front of me. Then I go through it, piecing things together and adding transitions and in-betweens until I have my first draft. Then I revise again and again until I get a final draft (I normally go through at least a second draft and sometimes a third draft). Then I post to the public! Sometimes, after I post I'll notice spelling mistakes or awkward sentence flow and I do end up making minor edits.

Are you a plotter or a pantser?

Oh, a plotter for sure. Sometimes I plot so much I get too burned out to actually write lol. But I like to plot because I feel like my endings are more satisfying when I know where they're going.

What do you listen to when you are writing?

Ambience, Lo-Fi or anything by Gibran Alcocer.

What’s your drink of choice(while writing)?

Green tea or water.

Promote yourself! What’s your favorite thing you’ve written?

Specifically, the nesta/tamlin drabble of my comforter drabble collection. It's the first official neslin I ever published and although I don't have more than two neslin published, I really really really love them as a ship and as individuals and writing them always makes me so happy. That drabble in particular developed into a much bigger idea that I'm currently working on, and it's just one of my favorite things I've ever created.

Share a fic of yours that you think is underrated/deserves more love.

Maybe moonvine? It's an au concept of feylin in which the Archerons are Dusk Court princesses and there's a peek into what feylin's relationship would look like if they were both High Fae and running in the same social circles.

Do you have any advice for new writers?

Post the thing. You never know how many people out there will adore your work if you never give it a try. Even if it gets zero notes, view, comments, you still accomplished the very difficult task of writing everything down and posting it. And you never know who will love it days, weeks, months, years from now.

What is a writing style/technique that others do really well that you'd like to get better at?

Characterization. I've read so many wonderful fics where the authors know how to write these ensemble casts of characters and simultaneously make each and every one of them unique in their voice, and I'm trying to teach myself how to do that.

Is there a character you were surprised you enjoyed writing as much as you did?

Oh, okay, so Rhysand. 👀 Nothing published yet, but I'm also writing him how I wish he were written. Like fully accepting he has to do shitty things to get the best results for everyone, and he owns up to it. It's fun. And the dialogue I can pull from him!! It's so so fun.

tagging: atp I think everyone's already done this? if you haven't, take this as me tagging you and do it! 💚

[sunshinebingo]

Writing tag game by @bonecarversbestie Thank you @sadiegirl2021 @aldbooks @hlizr50 for tagging me 🤭

Describe your writing process from idea to posting/publishing?

My ideas can come from anywhere and everywhere. Sometimes it strikes me like lighting. Or sometimes I draw inspiration from literally anything... A conversation, song, a single word, an outfit, a colour, font, texture, a feeling, picture, a quote... Literally anything at all

One of my favourite part is the drafting. Mine can quickly escalade to something out of my control as new things come up as I'm writing one thing. It gets messy very quickly. There's a table that I love to do for some of my fics where I note down some silly things about my stories like what it tastes like, smells like, feels like etc. It helps me set the mood whenever I go to write the fic and it's really fun to do.

When I have big drafts, the writing is like assembling a giant puzzle with scattered pieces, some might get lost under the table. It can be anywhere between frustrating and fun. For the fics with drafts that aren't elaborate I just go with the flow and see where the story takes me.

I edit while I write. Mostly when I get stuck in the story or when I need a break.

When the chapter is complete, I like to go through the whole thing and "add some flavour". It's just sprinkling a few little things here and there that sometimes aren't really significant but which just add that little something. Like an adjective, or a small action like a smile or a glance, etc etc

Then it's editing again. Then sending to the beta readers sometimes. Then edit again based on their feedback. Then I struggle (in bold because damn it's hard) to pick a title.

Then it's making the moodboard or title card. I love this step too even though not all them turn out great. I like listening to music while doing this and play around with the pictures and colours, effects, fonts etc.

And then it's struggling again to come up with a synopsis/summary.

Then it's panic while I post because I'm always scared that people will find my stories and my writing terrible.

Are you a plotter or a pantser?

Both. Some of my drafts are really thorough with full conversations, detailed descriptions, the mannerisms of the characters etc. It's like you only need to add a few connecting lines and boom you've got the complete story.

But also, sometimes I just go with the flow. In fact most of the time I let myself be guided by the characters and just write whatever they are up to. I am often surprised by the things that happen in my fics.

The fact that the characters guide me sometimes happen while I'm drafting. Or other times when I am actually seriously writing it. Because of that, there are times when I finish writing and realise that "oh I forgot I actually had a plan. Well now it changed 🤷"

What do you listen to when you are writing?

Anything that helps get me in the mood of the story I'm working on. Could be songs, ambient music, movie scores, instrumentals, classical music...

What’s your drink of choice (while writing)?

Again, anything. I write at any hour of the day or night, whether in public or when I'm by myself. So water, coffee, beer, whatever

Promote yourself! What’s your favourite thing you’ve written?

Even Lovers Drown - The story of siren Gwyn who meets shadowsinger Azriel.

I learned a lot about my writing with this one. Notably that I love writing some bloody stuff.

I haven't updated this fic in a while because I've lost my confidence about it at some point and I'm finding it hard to continue it. But it still means a lot to me and I will finish it.

Another favourite of mine is one I haven't posted yet. It's a Gwynriel Sinner/Saint fic that I hope I'll be able to post for Halloween. There's just something about writing this one that I find different from what I have done so far. I'm crossing my fingers hard 🤞 that I'll be able to complete it and that people will like it

Share a fic of yours that you think is underrated/deserves more love.

I'll repeat myself and again say Even Lovers Drown. I just love it. There's fluff, smut, some blood, some action, some cliffhangers. The settings include Summer, Night, some mentions of Autumn and a place that's not canon. It happens on land, in a lake, in the sea. The IC is there too.

Do you have any advice for new writers?

New writers are probably tired of hearing this but I have to. JUST DO IT!

Confidence is built with time and practice. I speak as a fanfic writer here, write for you first. Write whatever you want. Enjoy the process of writing - the daydreaming, the drafting, the research, creating a Pinterest board, making a pretty post etc etc.

Also, surround yourself with people with shared interest. I know it's hard for some me included trust me, but do not hesitate to reach out to other writers. You can ask for advice, ask for a beta reader, just to say "hi I write too" or anything else. We all have things to learn from and about each other and it's always nice to have people to share that experience with.

What is a writing style/technique that others do really well that you'd like to get better at?

Smut. I really struggle with writing it. I think I overthink mine too much. Sometimes I can't help but compare my writing and my stories to others which then lead me to be too harsh with myself.

Is there a character you were surprised you enjoyed writing as much as you did?

Eris Vanserra. I've never written in his pov but I love him and I love including him in my fics whenever I can. I love writing others opinion of him

Tagging (no pressure): @moonlightazriel @fieldofdaisiies @thelov3lybookworm @starfall-spirit

[tavina-writes]

❤️🍬🎨?

Biscuit! ooo these ones are hard. Let me think.

❤️ What is your favorite line that you’ve written in a fic?

In terms of favorite lines, I think I kind of fall in and out of love for the stuff I write, but I am seriously very fond of this opening line in a WIP I just started:

Whoever is in the cell next to Qin Su's has been singing off key opera for the past two hours, and shows no signs of stopping any time soon. 

from the NHS/QS "and they were prison neighbors in Nightless City" fic.

🍬 Do you write for multiple fandoms? If yes, what is your favorite fic of yours for each fandom?

I write for lots of fandoms! For the purposes of this fic, I'd take the top three fandoms by number of works that I've published on ao3.

For many years I was def a Naruto main and I think that shows! Naruto is still my top written fandom on ao3 and I don't think that'll change any time soon. For Naruto, I would have to say my favorite fic I've written is still definitely "all this scarcity promotes." It's a very unique look into the genre of fic that it is, and I adored doing the research for the fall of the Qing Dynasty/The Chinese Republican Era for it! It also had a lovely comment where someone was like "oh I guess I have to like [unpopular character] because you wrote about him now!" and that was very !!! to me.

For MDZS/CQL, outside of Sorrowverse, which I consider my best written work that I've ever done, I really enjoyed writing and thinking about this Mianmian & Jin Zixuan fic: Absence which I wrote for @shadaras for QPR flash 2023 because it examined a relationship I'd always wanted to write about but hadn't had the chance to before! :( also it gave me Mianmian feels.

For Original Work, my favorite is definitely "outside the sky (dawn knocking on the western window)" that I wrote for @marquisguyun for Hurt/Comfort Exchange 2023. It was a lot of fun to look into the genre of gothic xianxia, draw on a lot of my wuxia genre roots, and I was definitely possessed by some sort of fugue state while writing this, but I think if anything in all the world described "work that is comprised entirely of tropes I adore" then this would be the fic.

*tropes I adore include "slightly dying and very damaged man sits in a bathtub with suspiciously opaque water" I can't be blamed cdramas do this ALL the time.

🎨 If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

I have been very blessed over the years in terms of friends and readers who've done fanart for me, and I would be delighted with anything! I spend most of my time going !!! and "FOR ME??? OH OH! LOVE FOR ART AND ARTIST! LOVE FOR ART AND ARTIST FOR ONE THOUSAND YEARS!" whenever it comes up, so honestly I have no idea if I have a specific scene or fic in mind haha.

[literaticat]

How can a debut author determine if their (big 5) publisher considers them a lead title or mid-list? Is it only based on advance? What differences in the experience at various parts of the process signal where your book fits in their overall plan?

Oof, how I wish upon all the stars that I had never answered a question with the phrases "lead title" or "mid-list" in it. Talk about a can of worms, FML. OK. Sorry this is long, in advance.

First, let's remove the words "mid-list" from this discussion for a minute, because actually, though the questions I answered last week (or whenever it was, what even is time) used that phrase, IMO "mid-list" is not a thing for brand-new/not-yet-out books, really, and I am pretty sure I have never heard a publisher refer to them this way before the books are even out, it's more a word describing sales performance over time.

(It's like how you wouldn't call a newborn baby "advanced for his age" or "middle-of-the-road, growth-wise" -- he's barely got his eyes open, don't start giving him performance evaluations!)

So. ALL new books are frontlist, and they all have a certain amount of marketing done for them. A few will be "lead titles" (if that particular publisher uses that terminology) - likely titles that the publisher went hog wild on and paid an enormous advance, and they now have to recoup that advance by selling A LOT of books, so they have a large inventory of them. You'll know if your book is getting "lead title treatment" if a) you got a huge advance, and/or b) your book gets EXTRA things. Like, a billboard of your book in Times Square, or you are sent on an extravagant multi-city tour (back when we did tours, anyway) and they are booking fancy dinners for booksellers in your honor. Like - it'd be kind of obvious, and you'll probably go "oh! I wasn't expecting that!" (Unless you generally just have super high expectations lol).

How do they decide? Well, they are making an educated guess about which books are likely to resonate with the highest number of readers. Either because of recognition factor of the author, or because the premise or writing or whatever is SO compelling and highly commercial or timely that they feel like it could be a huge hit. (Are they always right? No.)

Some of the lead titles AND some of the "regular" frontlist titles end up getting great reviews, attention, awards, or whatever, and will really perform well. Some will do just fine. Some will tank, probably.

AFTER the season is over -- all frontlist titles become backlist titles. This is not negative in the least -- backlist just means, it's from a previous season. "Mid-list" is the word for the ones that are doing fine -- maybe not ginormous hits, but steady sales, finding an audience, doing what they are supposed to do. That's not a bad thing!

Think about it like a catalogue you are shopping from. Remember catalogues? Like the paper kind that you used to get in the mail (if you are old)? That's what you are imagining here. Because yes, even though lots of things are digital nowadays, in the book industry we are talking in literal catalogue terms, because yes, this is a business where publishers are selling objects to shops -- sales reps still go around and talk to the store owners and show them their wares with wheelie suitcases and everything. Really! Very olden-days like (though in recent times, perhaps conducted over zoom!). Anyway -- so you have this catalogue, right? Let's not say they are books - in this case it's a catalogue full of widgets.

The front part of the catalogue is brand new stuff. (Frontlist!) Frontlist are ALLLLLL the brand new widgets. All of them. Every new widget this season is "Frontlist" and they are all being promoted.

Some of the widgets, you'll notice, get a little bit of extra zazz in the catalogue - maybe they are in a highlighted box, or have their own page with certain features noted, maybe there is a special deal on them, or something. These are items that the company wants to make VERY sure you notice, because they probably have a lot of inventory. These are lead titles. (Err... lead WIDGETS, that is). There aren't that many of them, because it would be foolish to have extra highlights on *everything*, or they wouldn't stand out. Now mind you, the rest of the front list widgets are also terrific, and are also showcased in the catalogue, they are also important -- those "lead widgets" are just ones that the company has decided a lot of people will be drawn to, and as such they have a lot of inventory of those widgets, and so they are pointing them out because they need to move those widgets!

After the glossy pages of front list, you probably will come across some black and white pages of "backlist" -- these titles are not bad, or less-than, or anything else -- they just aren't new. These are previous season's widgets, which are still for sale. Widget companies rely on a robust backlist to survive, quite honestly, and the bulk of income for them and royalties for widgeteers come from strong backlist titles. If we say something will "backlist well", that means we suspect that it will continue selling steadily for many years to come -- which is a GREAT thing. Within the backlist, you probably have a few widgets that were bestsellers and continue to be -- and a few widgets that you have definitely never heard of and might be about to go out of production. But the majority of them, ideally, are good, sturdy, "mid-list" widgets.

"MID-LIST" IS NOT A BAD THING, even if some jerky people make it SOUND bad. It's a neutral-to-good thing. It just means NORMAL. Reasonably successful, steady, normal widgets that have done exactly what they were supposed to do, turned a profit for the widget factory, pleased a lot of widget-buyers, etc, and those widgeteers will be able to go on making widgets in the future.

[wonlouvre]

Yayyy i absolutely love your writing!!

I would like to request a Hoshi × gn!idol! Reader angst+fluff imagine where Soonyoung cheers/takes care of his reserved s/o who has been having a hard time and has opened up to him about it for the first time. S/o is someone who can't say no easily and because of that their workload had increased a lot. But in the end they can't hold themselves any longer and breaks down.

strength | k. sy.

pairing: hoshi x gn!idol reader genre: fluff, angst, then fluff again warnings: mentions of anxiety, physical and mental tiredness (please tell me if i missed anything!) word count: 1.8k+ (i honestly don’t even know anymore)

💌: thank you very much for requesting! i made some tweaks here and there and i hope you still like it! thank you for loving my writing as well :’( it really means a lot that <3 i hope you like this!

Soonyoung was aware that you’d be coming from Japan for your collaborative magazine photoshoot. He just didn’t know that you’d be going straight from the airport at four o’clock in the morning. 

He thought he read your message wrong saying that you’re on your way to the assigned shooting location. As far as he’s concerned, the call time was at seven a.m. He had to do a double take while squinting his eyes over the brightness of his phone but when he saw another bubble pop out saying you’re already there, he immediately jumped off his bed to shower. 

He misses you. You’ve been going in and out of the country because of promotions and the chances of getting to see you has been slim to none. If he ever meets with you, it will be short because either one of you has to go back to work or has to go back to bed because there is a flight to catch the next day. It’s obviously tough. But your relationship perseveres. 

Soonyoung will do everything to make it work and you are together with him on that. So if it means he has to shower half-asleep and wear his boxers backwards just to see you, he’d never mind.

Your Japanese album tour started and ended successfully but work didn’t stop from there. You were just getting started. Before leaving the said country, you were fully booked for live television performances, interviews, variety shows and the like. It was exhausting but, it was an opportunity that you couldn’t miss out on for the world even if you wanted to. 

Soonyoung is proud of you and he will always be. Heart eyes were formed whenever he got the chance to watch your performances whether it be from a paid livestream event or from kind fans sharing and uploading their videos or photos on Twitter or Instagram. He’s even more in love when it’s in person and he gets to watch your performance plus enjoy it with your never failing supportive fans. 

However, Soonyoung is also worried because he knows you’re also tired. He knows how fulfilling it is to do what you love the most, but he’s no stranger to the physically and mentally tiring part of it. He wasn’t even surprised to catch you asleep on the couch when he arrived at your dressing room. 

Your manager’s eyes brightened when they saw him, quickly standing up from the chair to give him a hug. 

“They told me they just need a fifteen minute nap,” they whisper against Soonyoung’s shoulder as he hugs them back. “But we both know they need more than that.”

Soonyoung sadly smiles while his eyes never leave your curled form. He mutters a simple “I’ll take it from here” while your manager excuses themself to buy everyone breakfast. 

It’s a challenge to take you into his arms without disturbing your sleep because he doesn’t want that from happening. He just wants to hold you for the remaining time without interruption from other people. He just wants to hold you and share this moment of calm before the lights and camera get into action later. 

Soonyoung’s thankful you didn't, although he still felt your lips lightly ghost against his jaw, telling him that you know that he’s here. He brings your legs over his lap while he cradles your head close to his neck. He wishes to lay down, but the couch is too cramped for two bodies so he’d have to settle with this position. He guesses it’s fine with how you deeply inhale his scent and snuggle closer and closer, locking your arms around his waist with no intentions of letting go. 

Just like you, he falls asleep, completely comfortable and content in finally having you in his arms again. 

Your tangled bodies were shaken to wake up at least an hour later. Both of your managers have food in their hand, ready to energize the two of you up before moving forward with the hair and makeup. The agenda for today includes a photoshoot with several changes of outfit, a short shoot for an audio video presentation and lastly an interview or question and answer of some sort. 

Your relationship has been publicly known for two years already. Some fans have been supportive while some have been angry. It’s nothing new and it’s nothing the two of you could care about at this point. 

Countless projects have been offered to the two of you during the course of those two years whether it be a song or dance performance, a guesting on a famous variety show and even a three second cameo appearance on a drama. They’re all lovely offers and you would love to participate, but the two of you made a decision to keep the relationship private. Sure, you’ll accept it from time to time. But, it’s still very limited to one to two songs to sing or dance to together and some magazine photoshoots. Just like now. 

By far, this is the third time the two of you would be featured on a magazine cover. Your respective publicists already know how to communicate to the publishing company your terms and conditions. Questions about your relationship are allowed, but to a certain number only. The rest will be about what’s mostly seen by fans and the rest of the public which is automatically your music. 

The concept is not necessarily daringly romantic. After all, what you’re trying to promote here is the clothes. But your chemistry is maintained with a few fleeting touches here and there. In one shot, you two were holding hands and the other has his arm is loosely wrapped around your neck. 

You and Soonyoung are careful to not get lost in each other’s eyes during the short breaks in between because the cameras were still rolling. Although, his soft touches on your hand and arm still lingered. On the other hand, you help him fix his hair whenever he gets excited and jumps from time to time. You could kiss him right now, but again, you want to be careful. 

The shoot concluded faster than you thought and the next thing you know, the two of you are sitting side by side with a camera blinking red in front, ready to record the interview included in the contract. 

The interview consisted of questions that’s nothing out of the ordinary. The magazine asked about your favorite go-to styles lately, your look inspirations, a little bit of this or that, your recent music releases or favorite music releases at the moment and of course something about your relationship that you're comfortable and willing enough to share. 

But one particular question caught you off guard that you had to hold your tears and brave through the rest of the interview without showing any signs that you’re about to cry.

“How have you guys been lately, individually?”

“I’ve been great,” you quickly answer with a smile that didn’t even reach your eyes. The camera may not have noticed, but Soonyoung did. It took a lot of patience and restraint for your boyfriend to stop himself from cutting the interviewer off to ask you again how you really have been. 

Everything that was in store for the two of you today ends and when the cameras are gone, you and Soonyoung hand in hand walk back to your dressing room. It’s a relief that this is the last project for the day and you’re glad you could get some rest for the coming week.

Your body slumps on the couch while the staff pack up. You puff out a breath before closing your eyes. You wish you could yell out how tired you are lately. Work piled up over the course of six months and you couldn’t have at least two days away from the makeup and flashing lights. 

Soonyoung bites his lower lip as he settles beside you. He’s contemplating whether he should ask you now or later because he doesn’t want you to grow conscious and shut yourself away. He knows how brave and strong you are. But he also wants you to know that you can trust him and that if you ever need a shoulder to cry or at least lean on, his are more than welcoming. 

“You okay, babe?” He asks in the quiet as the staff leaves one by one. “Anything bothering you?”

You surprise him by sitting up straight and opening your eyes, welling with tears. That makes him shoot up and instantly hug you close. “Oh baby.”

You finally cry and set free the tears that you’ve been locking deep within you. You thought you could brave through this pain and anxiety without having the need to shed any vulnerability. You thought this shall pass soon. You thought you could do this. 

But here you are now letting go with sniffles and shaking shoulders as Soonyoung gently caresses the top of your head. 

He hates to see you cry. But it’s only right to let you. 

“I just feel like I’m going to miss out on everything if I turn down any project offered to me.”

Soonyoung pouts when he hears what’s been bothering you. It took a while for you to calm down and finally talk, but it’s okay. He doesn’t mind. He will never mind. 

“I understand, honey,” he assures you and wipes your tear stained cheek. “And there’s nothing wrong with feeling that way.”

Your lips shake again and crying makes you want to hide. Without hesitation, you crawl to your boyfriend’s lap and wrap your arms around his shoulder. Soonyoung doesn’t complain and just keeps you close, protective arms around your waist.

The dressing room is empty except for the two of you. The staff got the message once Soonyoung pleaded with them through his eyes to give you some time with him since you’re already done for the day.

“It’s also okay to work and work,” he continues, soothing hands rubbing against your back. “But at some point, it’s also okay to take a break for them.”

You pull away and rest your hands on his neck. “Even though I’m going to miss out?”

Soonyoung nods and leans his forehead against yours. “Yes and there’s also nothing wrong with that.”

“I seriously want to go on a trip with my family,” you say and sigh. “And of course, with you too.”

Soonyoung can’t help but giggle. “I’d love to. How about next month? Let’s go somewhere with your family or friends. Where do you want to go? What do you want to do?”

Your boyfriend’s enthusiasm puts a smile on your face and this time, the smile reaches your eyes. “Let’s go somewhere quiet first. I want to take a long nap before we proceed to do anything that needs an awake body.”

“You got it, babe,” Soonyoung promises and kisses your lips.

[amariss-613]

재등장, bts | scene 06: le' proposal

{resurfaced, bts}

summary: the biggest group in the world has their scandal resurface as the former female member the world thought was done become the best new artist of the year at the grammys.

face claim: yeri of red velvet

original is on archive of our own: amariss_0613, and wattpad: amariss_amaryllis, just decided to publish it on here~

this story mentions non-consensual things and includes some mentions of drugs, depression, and sasaengs.

. . .

scene 06: le' proposal

chapter summary: "u-umm, did you just say s-six other band members?"

bold w/ italic- english

normal- korean

playing: dive with you | seori feat. eaj

dive with you feat. eaj | 2021

|y/n pov|

"y/n! we have to get going in 10 minutes!" one of my personal staff yelled from my room as i was inside the bathroom. I had been inside the bathroom for almost an hour, spending 10 minutes trying to cover up the infinity tattoo.

"ah, come on. why is today the only day where this expensive-as-hell concealer isn't covering shit?!" i yelled, punching the blender onto my wrist, hoping that the more i tried blending it, it would start to cover the tattoo up.

"well... good thing i'm wearing a hoodie cause that's the best it's gonna get." i sighed, pulling down the sleeves to my green hoodie and slowly making my way out of the bathroom.

the first thing that caught my attention was soo-ah hauling kwan towards me. "aish, finally! i was about to get kwan to break down the door." she grumbled, noticing me out of the room. kwan just stared at me with the 'i would never" look. "kwan-shi would never, he understands that he would be paying for half of the property damage and you know you'd be paying the other half." i stated, walking up to my bed and gathering my stuff. "i was just joking y/n..." soo-ah sung, also grabbing all of the bags we needed. kwan stood at the door waiting for us. when the company first hired me a personal bodyguard, i thought it would be some man in his early to mid-thirties. i was definitely not expecting a 21-year-old dude who looked like he could beat present jungkook or namjoon's asses.

"alright, let's get going. were gonna end up being late." kwan said, making his way out the door of my hotel room, leaving me and soo-ah to run and catch up to him.

|no ones pov|

"ah! it's so nice to have you here, y/n. your dressing room is right this way." an american staff greeted, taking y/n, her stylist, and bodyguard to her dressing room/waiting room. "thank you so much, have a nice day!" y/n thanked, walking into the room along with her mini crew.

for y/n, this had felt like old times. here in america, there wasn't really any music/award shows like music back, inkigayo, mcountdown, or mama, mma, and the gda in korea where you could promote your music. being invited and nominated for a music/award show after four years felt...

like it was something that had been missed.

she didn't know what this feeling was, but it was definitely something that she hadn't felt for years till now.

"now, let's start setting up everything!" soo-ah clapped, rushing to get out all the makeup, hair products, and y/n's outfits prepared for the big day ahead of them.

"i'm just gonna be sitting outside the room, let me know if you need anything," kwan announced, leaving the room so as to not bother soo-ah doing her job with y/n.

"alright, thanks kwan-shi. you're always welcome to pop in whenever though, you're a close friend." y/n said, looking towards kwan.

"got it."

. . . 

a knocking sound filled the room, halting y/n and soo-ah's conversation about her look for later that day.

"come in!"

one of the on-stage coordinators walked into the room with kwan following shortly behind, "y/n, we were able to finish your request for a collab stage." the man said, giving y/n back the printed request form that her company had sent the week before.

"oh thank you, were they ok with it?" y/n asked, flipping through the papers.

"yes, they were 100% on board with the idea the second I mentioned it, though the leader had to discuss it with his six other band members."

"u-umm, did you just say s-six other band members?"

|15 minutes earlier|

"i swear, i'm about to rip this card in half!" jungkook yelled, waving the card in his hand around. "hajima! we don't have any replacements if you rip that one." yoongi sighed, resting on the floor next to taehyung who was also practicing his card trick that was added to the butter choreo last minute. "y-know how some actors have stunt doubles, why can't we do that?" taehyung suggested, flopping to the ground in despair. "damn, your right. we should have thought about that before THE DAY OF THE GRAMMYS!" jungkook commented, empathizing the last few words.

"alright-alright, chop-chop kids! let's re-rehearse the opening of butter again!" hoseok clapped, walking towards the boys sitting on the ground of the stage. taehyung was the first to stand, "hyung, i think we should make my part look natural. maybe we could ask someone to pretend to have a conversation with me before i flick the card to jungkook?"

"huh, we could ask and see-"

"ah, it's nice to finally properly meet you, rm! i hope i'm not intruding, but i would like to make a proposal to you and your bandmembers for an artist who is performing tonight." a powerful voice interrupted hoseok's and taehyung's discussion, turning their attention to the man who was shaking namjoon's hand.

"no your not. it's nice to finally meet you too sir, i would love to hear about this proposal on behalf of my members." rm confidently responded, not noticing the way the rest of his member's faces were filled with respect.

as rm was discussing the proposal with one of the organizers of the grammys, the rest of the members huddled together.

"so, who do you think the artists is?" seokjin whispered, leaning towards the members. "if it's some artist who is controversial or said shit about us, we're out." yoongi stated, pointing to the doors of the arena. "oh my god! what if it's lady gaga?" taehyung expressed, slightly bouncing next to hoseok while shaking the poor male. "i would need to ask her about her skincare routine!" hoseok exclaimed, mirroring taehyung who was now also getting shaken. "could it be justin bieber?" jungkook mumbled, doe-eyes staring at his hyungs. "it couldn't be gukk. were in the same company, we would've been told by hitman-bang before leaving korea." jimin advised, noticing how namjoon started to look uncomfortable as he and the organizer finished their conversation. "why does namjoon look like he's about to shit his pants?" jin whispered to yoongi, slightly laughing at the face that namjoon was making while walking towards his members. "uhh, i bet 50 bucks that a huge artist wants to collab with us." taehyung asked jimin as he stared at namjoon. "bet."

|with namjoon|

namjoon was literally about to have a heart attack.

"last week we got a request from the artist, y/n's, company. they were asking for an artist to potentially collab with y/n for the opening of her performance. you and the rest of bts have the exact number of people requested if there weren't any artists available, so i was wondering on the behalf of y/n, are you interested?"

"u-uhh, i might need to discuss this with m-my members. um, does she care if it's us?" namjoon studdered, he didn't know how to react. what was he gonna say to the rest of the members, "oh hey, y/n wants to collab with us after leaving us 4 years ago, are you all okay with it?".

"oh no, she doesn't care who it is, she is willing to work with anyone."

"hold on a second, i'll go and discuss this with the rest."

when namjoon was walking to the members, he noticed that they were all huddled in a group and held a nervous expression, could they tell that he was about to shit his pants or that the proposal was unexpected?

"so, what happened?" yoongi ordered, wondering what artist they were talking about. "was it someone big?" taehyung exclaimed, grabbing namjoon's hands. "promise that you all won't freak out." he announced, terrified of their reaction. "that's probably not gonna happen joonie, you know it." hoseok sighed, eager to know what happened.

"it's y/n."

all of the members stopped what they were doing. taehyung let go of namjoon's hands, taking a step back.

"what do you mean?" seokjin snapped. why would he be bringing up y/n after what happened yesterday with taehyung's breakdown? "y/n's company asked for an artist to help out with the opening of her stage." namjoon replied, with the same force. "either that dude lives under a rock or he's trying to start something, doesn't he know what happened between us?" yoongi warned, glaring at the man. "we can't do it. not after what happened yesterday." jimin complained, wrapping his arm around taehyung waist. "yeah, i don't think we're in the best headspace to see or even interact with y/n." jungkook agreed, standing on the other side of taehyung.

"let's do it."

. . .

oooh, so y/n is starting to feel things again, i hope she can enjoy this experience! also, that organizer is totally living under a rock, how doesn't he know about their past? anyway, who do you think stepped up to say that they want to do the stage with y/n? i wonder if bts are hiding how they really feel about this proposal?

i hope you enjoyed this chapter, now that I'm caught up to the present chapter updates might actually be monthly or weekly!

[luvelyhs]

In the end, we can only save ourselves

harry and y/n are in an open relationship

i’ve been wanting to write this concept for a while cuz i love reading about it so hope you enjoy :)

warning: angst ofc what else do you expect from me 😅

i’m def writing a part two so stay tuned for that :))))

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The fresh red marks littered his neck, they showed someone else had claimed him for themself, had marked her husband with their lips. It was a disgusting thought, and Y/N had to turn away before she quite literally threw up.

“Want some coffee?” Y/N shook her head.

“I’m fine.” He didn’t notice anything, fuck, when did he ever? Y/N was getting sick of it, his obliviousness to her tense and off behavior. Y/N thought communication was key, but sometimes she feels afraid of the future, of what could happen if she voices her feelings and thoughts, of saying she wants to end their open relationship. He’d leave her. She knew it.

“Mmkay.” He turned the coffee maker on, and the only sound in the room was the noise it made. Neither Harry nor Y/N were speaking.

She had to leave because she kept taking looks at him, at his neck. Did he even know what that made her feel? Any semblance of feeling? Did he have any respect for her anymore? It would be respectful to not showcase the work of another on his body, open for her to see, in their own fucking home. It was ridiculous, and suddenly the hurt was replaced with anger.

“Have fun last night?” Y/N’s voice was ice cold, something no one could miss, especially not Harry. He glanced up at her over his phone.

“Yeah, ‘t was fun.” He nodded, eyes moving back down to his phone. Great, now he couldn’t even look at her while they were having a conversation.

“I could see. Quite literally.” Harry looked at her in confusion, while Y/N rolled her eyes at his obliviousness.

“All over your fucking neck, Harry. At least hide that shit next time, will you?” Y/N grabbed her laptop from the island table, backing up her chair, making it squeak against the wooden floor.

“Shit, ‘m sorry, Y/N. I didn’t know.” Y/N scoffed at his guilty tone while she was exiting the kitchen. Y/N didn’t know how much longer she could put up with this. She never wanted this fucking open relationship in the first place. All she wanted was to make him happy, and now she’s so disappointed in herself for lowering herself in that way for a man. Even Harry wasn’t worth it, the man she had loved with her whole entire being and entire soul. Because he’s not who he used to be, and it makes her feel more empty than anything else.

“Be a little more considerate next time, yeah?” She called back over her shoulder, walking to their backyard to get some sun and do some work.

She looked behind to see if Harry was following and couldn’t help but feel a little hurt when he didn’t. The old him would have followed her around like a puppy to see her smile and be happy with him again. This was another example of how much their relationship had changed, for the worse.

Y/N opened her laptop and started looking over a manuscript for her job. It had been an hour or so when she got an incoming Facetime call from her friend back home.

See, Y/N had basically uprooted her life for Harry. She had a good job back home, with her family and friends surrounding her, but she let herself get windswept by Harry and his charm and charisma. He had done everything to sweep her off her feet, even though she didn’t want to be with him in the first place.

He succeeded, eventually, hence why she was in London in their home, where he wanted to settle down, not her. London was cloudy and gray, she wanted the bright sun and blue sky. But she had to follow him, because what the star wants, the star gets.

Don’t get her wrong, Harry and Y/N were so happy during their one and a half year of dating and three years of marriage. They were perfectly happy, she had been enough for him during this time, until six months ago he started becoming distant, wouldn’t come home until late at night and would text her to not wait up for him, he didn’t even know if he would be coming home at all, and that irritated her yet also hurt, because he was growing distant and whenever she tried to initiate conversation about it, he would deflect.

It wasn’t until one evening he broke, started saying how he felt trapped.

“I jus’- we’re good, Y/N, so good. But don’t you think tha’s just not enough? I- I saw someone at the club tonight. I wanted to get her number, I wanted to approach her, and almost did when Mitch stopped me, pulled me back, said I had a lovely wife waiting at home for me.” Y/N hadn’t believed her ears. Her initial thought was- ‘he could go to fucking hell’, but she didn’t want to lose him, she didn’t. Because she loved him. So.. she brought it up. When she shouldn’t have. She should have taken it back as soon as she said it, but she can’t turn back time.

“You wanted to fuck her? That’s what you want to do? Throw a whole 4 year relationship away because you wanted to fuck a pretty girl? Go ahead, Harry. Do what you want.” Harry had approached her, looking at her warily.

“You’re not saying, you want to end us?” Y/N heard fear in his words. He was scared of the end of them, but it wasn’t enough. But in the heat of the moment she shook her head, when she should have said yes.

“No. No.. I.. we can try an... open relationship?” Y/N forced the words out of her mouth, wincing slightly when she saw the bright look on his face. And this is where she was proud of herself for a moment, because she had made him happy again.

“Really? Are you sure?” Y/N nodded, again, forcefully.

“Yeah, sure.” She nodded her head, fake smiling when Harry approached her and granted kisses all over her face, before pulling her into a deep one and showing her how happy she made him with lots of loving through the whole night.

It stopped him being distant for a bit. He would tell her where he was going and with who. She’d tell him to have fun and to be safe, wear protection. He said of course he would. They’d meet for a quick peck, then he was out for the night.

He thought she had nights where she went out too, but she didn’t. And she wasn’t about to tell him that. She had pride, she had suggested it, now she had to deal with the consequences. She couldn’t bring herself to sleep with another person, it was disgusting. All she could have thought about was Harry, and she had months to think about this, about how someone you’re married to would be okay sleeping with another person... it wasn’t okay at all, not for her. She always thought if her significant other wanted to do that, she’d end the relationship, because if she wasn’t enough for him, what was the point of being married?

She had given Harry the benefit of the doubt for a few months, wanted to see if he would end the open relationship himself, but no. He became more bold, this wasn’t the first time he came home with hickeys all over his body. But she had been quiet then, she wouldn’t be anymore.

Y/N quickly answered Anna’s call, greeted by the brunette beauty on her screen.

The excitement on Anna’s face made Y/N miss her more.. made her all the more homesick. She wanted to see this face in person, and it had been a year since she had.

“Y/N!!” Anna screamed, excitedly. Y/N grinned, happy to see her best friend again.

“Anna! I miss you!” She squealed, sitting up a bit to set the laptop on her lap.

“How’ve you been, baby cakes? Still kicking ass at work?”

“I’ve been good... just living life. Of course I have been! Getting promoted soon, just know it.” Y/N smiled, because she genuinely loved her job. She worked at a publishing house and read over new stories, and she loved it because it pulled her into another universe, one where she didn’t think about Harry and reality.

“Still madly in love with your hot hubby?” Anna giggled, clearly teasing, but usually when Y/N would laugh bubbly along with her, she sat silent.

“Y/N? Everything alright?” Anna frowned.

“Umm.. yeah.. just-“ Y/N tried to stop it, she tried, really she did. But the first tear slipped past her defenses then another and then more.

“I don’t know what to do, Anna, I don’t.” Y/N sobbed into her hands, breaking down once Anna asked that question. Everything she had been holding in, was being let out.

“What’s wrong, honey? What happened?” Anna said gently, coaxing Y/N to open up and tell her what happened.

“Don’t- don’t judge, okay? I know I said I’d never let this happen, but, but I dunno. I don’t know.”

“Let it out, Y/N.”

“Harry and I.. are in an open relationship.” Y/N looked up at Anna’s concerned face, nodding for her to continue.

“I’m not judging, baby cakes, do you mind telling me a bit of context? How did you get into the situation, huh?” Anna remembered a conversation they had about their future partners. The topic was cheating and Y/N had said if her partner ever slept with another, it was over. She was a little possessive over her boyfriends, not overtly so, but enough to be so jealous if they were to do anything with someone in front of her or flirt and she didn’t think she could ever handle them sleeping with someone else, and Y/N was so in love with Harry, everyone could see it, so how did she get herself in that situation?

“Uh-“ Y/N sniffed, wiping some tears from her face with her hoodie sleeve. “He waa distant and he said he wanted to hookup with someone one night so I just suggested it. He wanted to do it and it made him happy so I agreed too. I haven’t slept with anyone, I can’t, Anna. I don’t know how he does it.”

“Oh, honey.. I think it’s time you came back to us. Take a break from him and gloomy London. Think things over back home.” Y/N knew she needed to get away, and Anna’s words reinforced that thought.

“Alright.. umm.. i’ll book a flight right now.” Anna gave Y/N a sympathetic smile.

The topic switched to Anna’s life and questions about what’s happening back home, all while Y/N booked a flight back to her local airport for two days from now.

It was a one way ticket, she didn’t know when she would be back. Or if she would be back.

The confirmation email sent to her phone and it pinged to let her know it was there.

“Got it! I can’t wait to surprise my mom.”

“So excited for you to get here, baby cakes. Ugh-“ Y/N could hear kids yelling in the background. “gotta go, Ben just spilled juice all over Bran.” Anna rolled her eyes, blowing her best friend a kiss goodbye and then ending the call.

Y/N sat back against the lawn chair, staring at the pool and pretty garden and trees in her backyard.

A warm hand on her shoulder brought her out of her thoughts, making her jump slightly.

“Harry! You scared me!”

“You alright, bubba?” His tone was serious and concerned, looking down at her with his gently green eyes that forced her to say what she’s been wanting to say for a while, but she held herself back.

“‘course, do I not look alright, Harry?”

“You’ve just been a little, I dunno, tense.. recently.” He chose his words carefully, not wanting to upset his bubba.

“Tense?” Y/N let out a short laugh, staring back out at the blue pool water:

“Talk to me, darling, c’mon.” He stroked her arm, coming around to stand in front of her before dropping low, now she was looking down at him.

“I’m not tense, Harry. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You were crying, Y/N. I can see the tears stains and red eyes. Why were you crying?” A dreadful feeling took over him.

“Why am I crying? Why am I crying? It’s because of you, Harry! I’m crying cause of you! You’re not worth my tears, not anymore. Not when I don’t even know who you are anymore.” Her tone became more soft at the end, a broken whisper at the realization.

“Darling..” He cupped her face, a frown marring his features. “What did I do, hm? This about the hickeys? It won’t happen again, bubba.” His tone was gentle for her.

“It’s more than that. It’s about the whole thing. I can’t keep doing this.. this open relationship anymore, Harry. It’s hurting me, it’s been hurting me. You never noticed, that’s the thing Harry.” Harry gulped, the words slicing a knife through him.

“I thought you were okay with it, Y/N? You brought it up in the first place.”

“Because you would have cheated on me if I didn’t. At least with this I know you’re out with others. Not behind my back.”

“You think that lowly of me, pet? That I would cheat on you? Never, darling, never.”

“You yourself said you wanted to hookup with that woman from the club a few months ago, remember that, Harry? If I’m not enough for you anymore, just tell me. Because I will end this marriage if you don’t.”

“What? Y/N! You’re everything I ever need, baby. Well end this open relationship, you’re the only one for me. I promise.” Y/N shook her head, because the respect for herself was building, and this was step one to recovery. At this point, she knew she had to do this, to save herself from the inner turmoil, the disrespect she had granted on herself for letting this happen. It’s taken a toll on her mental health, and she had to this.

“No, Harry. What we’re ending is our marriage. If I was ever enough for you, you wouldn’t have wanted to be with anyone besides me. I’m leaving in two days. Leave me alone until then.” With that, she pushed Harry away from his kneeling position, and walked back into their house. It hurt to say the words, it hurt to make what she was dreading a reality. Harry stared brokenly at her, not knowing what to do to fix this, fix them, fix her.

[dumdumsun]

Of Starlight

A/N: Alright, this entire story has officially been written ❤️

Warnings: none that I’m aware of

Word Count: 3067

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Chapter 5: Extra Ordinary

Five years ago, Vanya Hargreeves began writing her autobiography, “Extra Ordinary: My Life as Number Seven”, less than two weeks before her sister’s novel, “One-Sided”, was announced in the papers. Those around who enjoyed her writing were buzzing with excitement, for it was the second book of her trilogy. (Y/N) was thrilled, herself, to be publishing her novel within the next month. Finally sharing her work with the world would have taken a tremendous weight off her shoulders, leaving her with only the weight on her bladder. While working herself nearly to death with her writing, she was with child for the second time, which added to her stress. Thankfully, she had a very supportive husband at the time to assist in anything she requested. It was in those times in which (Y/N) was grateful she decided to make something of herself rather than letting her past as Number Eight define her.

Once “One-Sided” was published, (Y/N) sent two copies out; one to Allison, one to Vanya. She figured her brothers wouldn’t want to read her romantic fantasy as much as her sisters, so she didn’t bother asking. Allison seemed ecstatic for the new addition, but she wasn’t too sure about Vanya, supposing it wouldn’t hurt to send it. If she didn’t want to read it, that was her decision. What she didn’t expect, however, was Vanya’s novel sent to her. After Jada was born, (Y/N) had taken time to read her sister’s autobiography. While Anthony was at work during the day, she’d multitask by reading and taking care of her newborn. She would quietly gasp at certain parts of the book before checking to make sure she hadn’t woken her daughter up. (Y/N) couldn’t believe some of the things her sister dared to put in that book. Some things she wrote were blatantly about (Y/N)’s own insecurities that she had trusted Vanya with knowing. Insecurities about her powers, her capability of being a suitable member of the Umbrella Academy. Vanya had compared it to her own doubts, stating that (Y/N) had no right to complain to her, of all people. Looking back now, (Y/N) could admit that it was a bit selfish to do that to her sister. Regardless, those had been personal and it was unloyal of Vanya to share that with anyone willing to read. Despite this, (Y/N) saw to promote “Extra Ordinary” along with her own work. Someone had to be the bigger person in this situation.

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Nostalgia wasn’t exactly what (Y/N) was overcome with when awaking in her childhood bed. In fact, she’d much rather have opened her eyes to the empty side of her king-sized mattress at home instead. She debated closing her eyes and pretending she had never drifted into consciousness, but sat up when remembering everything Five had told her the day before. If she remembered correctly, there were six remaining days leading up to the end of the world. She had promised Five to assist in preventing the apocalypse, and her drowsiness was not going to hold her back. So, she dragged herself out of bed and began looking for Five. She figured the first place to begin was his bedroom, so she stopped in front of his door and knocked. Hearing rustling on the other side, she asked, “Five, are you decent?”

“Decent enough. You can come in,” He called out, the door opening and (Y/N) stepping inside. He glanced at her over his shoulder as he fixed his white button up. “I take it you had a difficult time sleeping?”

“What makes you say that?” Her hand slid down her face, sarcasm in her tone. She didn’t need a mirror to know she had bags under her eyes. Five chuckled and moved to his vest and jacket, finishing with dressing himself. As he zipped his duffle bag closed, he glanced out the window.

“You tagging along today?”

“I plan to. I… suppose I have nothing to do.”

“Nothing, huh?” Suspicion hid amongst his words as he picked up his bag. “What is it you decided to do with your life, (Y/N)?” The question was simple, genuine, but the weight of it was suffocating. She really couldn’t go back to her normal, beautiful life after all.

“I… found my mother,” She slowly started out, carefully watching as Five curiously glanced up at her under his dark brows. “I became an author… and a mother.”

Suddenly, Five couldn’t breathe. He had anticipated this conversation, prepared himself for everything (Y/N) had accomplished while he was gone. But nothing could have prepared him for the stab in the heart at the mention of her having children. Children with someone who wasn’t him. It was stupidly selfish, he knew, to expect her to wait for him, to do anything else with her life except for the things he longed to do with her. Past the pain, however, he was happy for her. Something in him knew that (Y/N) would one day make a wonderful mother. She was patient, selfless, caring, and oh, how he wished he could’ve been the one. He didn’t even want to ask about the individual she had trusted enough to raise children with her.

His hesitancy to respond worried (Y/N) and suddenly she wanted to apologize. But for what? Her success, her marriage, her children? She had every right to those and she shouldn’t have to apologize. Her concern washed away when Five raised his brows in acknowledgement, opening the window. “Really? A mother? That’s great, Starlight…” God, that nickname… She thought. Why does everything feel so complicated now? Her feet moved her to follow him out of the window and down the fire escape. She thought it was best to not continue the conversation for now.

“Dammit, where’s Dad’s stuff?” The two heard an irritated groan on their way down. (Y/N) craned her neck to see Klaus digging through the dumpster. “Shut up! I’m trying to find whatever… priceless crap was in that priceless box so that Pogo will get off my ass!”

“I’d ask what you’re up to, Klaus, but then it occurred to me…,” Five turned to his brother. “I don’t care.” His useless comment earned an eye roll from (Y/N). Klaus glanced up at the two with a small laugh.

“Hey! You know there are easier ways out of the house, buddy? And bringing little (Y/N) along, too? Whatever could you two be up to?”

“This way of leaving involved the least amount of talking,” Five hopped off the ladder, helping (Y/N) down afterwards. “Or so I thought.”

“Klaus,” The eighth Hargreeves made her way closer to the dumpster. “Is Ben there?”

“Yes, dear, he says hi.” His hand waved in Ben’s supposed direction, (Y/N) softly smiling at her ghost brother. “So, hey, you two need any more company today? I could, uh… clear my schedule.” His eyes shifted to Five as he took a drink from his flask.

“Looks like you’ve got your hands full.” The boy falsely smiled.

“Oh, this? No, no. I can do this whenever. I’m just- I just misplaced something. That’s all.” He then fell into the trash as (Y/N) joined her traveling companion at his side. After a few seconds, Klaus reappeared with a bagel. “Oh! Found it! Thank god!” (Y/N) nearly gagged as he began to chew on it, muffling a ‘delicious’ in forced content.

“I’m done funding your drug habit.” Five spit out before walking away. She followed him and waved at Klaus, barely listening to him yelling after them as they climbed into a plumbing van.

“Why are we stealing a van?”

“Shush.”

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Once again, the two teenagers found themselves in front of Meritech Prosthetics. (Y/N) watched as Lance entered the building before sighing. “We’re really gonna sit here and spy on the man?”

“You got a better idea?” Five only kept his stare on him.

“I guess not… What’s the bag for, then?”

Five immediately turned his attention to the duffle bag he brought with them. “Oh, shit,” He muttered before unzipping it. “Hey,” He softly greeted before handing a bottle of alcohol to (Y/N). She blinked once, twice, thrice when he brought out the top half of a bald mannequin and set it between them. “Sorry you were in there for so long, Delores.”

“Wait,” (Y/N) choked. “That’s Delores?! The one you were with for over thirty years?!”

“Well, obviously,” Five frowned before turning back to ‘Delores’. “This is (Y/N), Delores. You know… the one I told you about.”

“You… talk about me to the mannequin? Should I be flattered or weirded out?”

“Oh, be quiet,” Five sighed and turned away. (Y/N) suddenly felt silly for being jealous last night. “No, I’m not drunk.”

“What?” (Y/N) frowned at the boy, who shook his head.

“Talking to Delores. She thinks I’m- Yes, it’s about the eye thing. This is the place it was made. Or… will be made,” His eyes moved up to his human friend. “We just have to wait…”

He’s actually talking to the mannequin, (Y/N) thought as she turned forward, eyes wide. So, that was what the apocalypse had done to him. She felt bad for him now. Initially, her heart warmed at the thought of Five finding someone to love, but knowing that his mind had gone somewhere far away enough for him to turn to a mannequin for comfort…

“So, (Y/N),” He started, his gaze once again trained on the building before them. “Your children… tell me about them.” Truth be told, Five wanted to know how much they had gotten from their mother. Were they just as humorous? Just as passionate? As wonderful? (Y/N) let out a heartfelt laugh as she closed her eyes.

“Where do I even begin? Michael, he’s… so intelligent. He has the highest reading level in his class and they’re thinking of letting him skip the first grade. He’s such a big help at home with his little sister… I swear, he’s a little man. He’s always trying to test my knowledge. Tries to get me to solve his ‘really hard’ math homework problems…,” She chuckled, Five looking at her with an unreadable expression. “And Jada… she’s such a character. No matter how many times I teach her the days of the week, she always gets them wrong… She wakes me up every morning, trying to guess. I say ‘Jada, if yesterday was Wednesday, what is today?’ and she just starts listing off every wrong answer… She’s a performer, too. I enrolled her into dance classes. Oh, it’s her favorite thing to do… And I’ll admit, she’s good at it. Don’t know where she got that from. Definitely not from me or her dad...”

Five tilted his head thoughtfully. “They sound… just like you. They think they know everything,” He joked with a small smile, (Y/N) playfully glaring at him. “Really, though… They sound like great kids… I’d like to meet them one day.”

“Yeah,” She smiled down at her lap. “I’d love for them to meet you… But I need to be an actual adult before I can face them again. Until then… It’s just checking up every once and awhile…”

“(Y/N), I’m so sorry,” Five frowned as he sat forward. “I- I’m going to figure this out. I promise.”

“I know you will,” She breathed and closed her eyes, her world slowly crashing down on her yet again. “Sorry, I need some air.” And with that, Five was in the car alone. Well, save for Delores. Outside, (Y/N) didn’t have much time to really be with her own thoughts before she heard Luther and Klaus’s voices nearing her. Turning to her right, she spotted the two walking side-by-side towards the van. Upon seeing her, Luther raised a hand.

“(Y/N), you need to get back to the Academy. We found something… and Grace might’ve had something to do with Dad’s death.” He gruffly explained, the young girl straightening to attention.

“Wait, what-”

“I can explain at the house, but we need both you and Five there for the family meeting. Is he in there?” He pointed to the vehicle their brother sat in.

“Yeah, but-”

“Great. Be right back.” Luther’s massive body brushed past her to get to Five, Klaus following behind to get in the back. Not waiting a second longer, she followed her junkie brother inside. When she entered the van again, Luther was trying his hardest to fit his body into the passenger seat as Klaus grabbed Delores, smirking at (Y/N) as he began to dance with the mannequin. She only watched him in disinterest. Once Luther was finally in, he turned to Five. “You okay?”

“You shouldn’t be… How did you find me?” Five’s question was answered when Luther turned to Klaus. With everyone’s attention on him, he looked up from Delores and dropped his smile.

“Hey, a little privacy, guys. We’re really hitting it off back here.” He began to caress Delores’s cheek before screaming when Five threw an object at him, Klaus using the mannequin to block. (Y/N) shook her head and moved closer to Five and Luther, the former fuming.

“Get out! You can’t be here! I’m in the middle of something.”

“Oh, but (Y/N) can be here?”

“Yes! We’re in the middle of something!” Five turned forward as Klaus joined (Y/N) at her side, poking her cheek gently.

“Any luck with your one-eyed man?” He asked her, receiving a head shake. Five sighed and turned to Luther.

“What do you want, Luther?”

Turning his attention away from the conversation between the two, Luther answered Five, “Um… So, Grace might’ve had something to do with Dad’s death. So I need you to come back to the Academy, alright? It’s important.” His request was met with silence for a split second before the time traveller shook his head.

“‘It’s important’. You have no concept of what’s important-”

“Hey!” Klaus interrupted, holding his sister at his side. “Did I ever tell you guys about the time I waxed my ass with chocolate pudding?”

And that was when (Y/N) tuned out the entire conversation between her family. She left Klaus’s side and pressed her back against the back of Luther’s seat, closing her eyes. She knew Five wasn’t going with Luther and Klaus to the house, and she didn’t need to listen to the bickering that would’ve led to that outcome. Her attention was eventually brought to Klaus swinging the back door open, huffing as he got out. She watched him slam the door closed and make his way towards the store across the street. Not trusting him in the slightest, she sent a clone after Klaus, telling it to “watch over him”. At this point, she was waiting for Luther to leave so her growing headache would subside, but it seemed the man wanted to talk some more.

“What the hell are you up to, Five?”

“Believe me, you wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me. Last I checked, I’m still the leader of this family.”

“Well, last I checked, I’m twenty-eight years older than you.” Five tightly smiled before (Y/N) snorted with laughter. The boy rolled his eyes and smiled fondly at her before Luther pulled his attention away.

“You know what your problem is?”

“Really hoping you’ll tell me.”

“You think you’re better than us,” Luther’s words wiped that sarcastic smile right off Five’s face. “You always have. Even when we were kids. But the truth is, you’re just as messed up as the rest of us. We’re all you have… and you know it.” Luther stared at his brother, as the boy slowly inhaled.

“I don’t think that I’m better than you, Number One. I know I am,” He hissed, Luther only chuckling. “I’ve done unimaginable things, things you couldn’t even comprehend.”

“Right...”

“Just to get back here and save you all…” Five stared out the window. (Y/N) sighed and grabbed Delores.

“Luther, out.” She ordered, her “big” brother turning to her with an offended look. “Five’s clearly not going with us. No use arguing with him either. So, just go and I’ll catch up-” She was cut off by the sound of a voice whooping in excitement. The three looked across the street to see Klaus running out of the store, arms full of stolen snacks, the clone following close behind.

“Hey, bitches!” He shouted as a cop chased after them, blowing his whistle. The clone turned to the officer and pushed him away with great force as Klaus was nearly hit by a car. Five’s head followed Klaus’s movement.

“I’m starting to wonder if that was the wisest decision…”

After Luther was sent out of the van, (Y/N) took over the passenger seat once again and set Delores down between them, Five quietly thanking her. “So… I’m going with the guys.”

“What? Why are you wasting your time, I thought you wanted to help me?”

“I do, and I will… But I don’t trust Luther to make decisions right now… I mean, if Mom really did have something to do with Dad’s death… Who knows what he’ll do? The least I can do is try to talk him out of it. I promise, when I’m done, I’ll come and find you.” She softly smiled, gently patting his hand. Five shook his head at her.

“You don’t have to promise me anything… I’m the one who owes you.”

“All you owe me is this,” She gently squeezed his hand. “You being here… That’s what I’ve wanted for so long. Now I have it. So, your debt is paid.” She chuckled. Five rested the back of his head against the seat as his eyes searched her face, trying to find anything that should worry him about her. But all he found was her warm smile and eyes that shone with affection. It suddenly felt inappropriate to have Delores around right now.

“Well, then, you should get going… You’ve gotta catch up with those idiots.”

“Alright. Don’t be out here forever, okay?” (Y/N) leaned in and pecked his cheek before getting out of the car and rushing after her brothers. As he watched her speed away, he tried to regulate his breathing, heartbeat increasing.

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Taglist: @melinda-hargreeves @43sparrows @sapphicsyn @m00n-sh @starcurrent @alexander-hamilhoe @youcandalekmyballs @wonderlandfandomkingdom @yrdadjstcallsmekatya

[daisiesonafield-blog]

The Holivia stunt as an example of a successful PR stunt

I have gotten a LOT of messages about the current narrative in the media about the stunt, so I just wanted to go over some things. This will be long, grab a snack.

The DM published this article on Jan 14 2021:

And it mostly just rehashes everything we have been reading over the last 2 weeks since they unveiled the stunt. However, what differs here is that they respond to the backlash Harry was getting over last week’s claims that he “was the cause of Jolivia’s break up”. Essentially the tabloids are blaming Olivia now, implying she lied and said she was single. Key word implying:

They paint Holivia’s relationship as “messy” due to the contested Jolivia breakup timeline, and that Harry didn’t know they broke up in November. When in fact that timeline itself has not been confirmed. It’s all in speculation in the press:

The press themselves keep emphasizing how there are SO MANY different sources, and depending who you ask you’ll get a different story. They keep writing the same thing over and over but in different words. Again saying that (and pay attention to the wording here) “it is understood” Olivia said she was single. They’re basically saying that they don’t know so this is the assumption they’ve come to:

They then move on to Jason, who we’ve been told from the start desperately wants her back but feels he can’t do much right now and has to wait for Olivia to come to her senses or H to move on:

And then The Sun got an exclusive on Jan 14th 2021:

They again just say the same stuff over and over. 

HOWEVER, there seems to be a bit of a switch of narrative now. They had been hinting at this previously, but now they’ve outright said it, that Holivia is but a fling for Olivia. It’s a temporary thing, and it’ll end fast. 

They also emphasize how heartbroken Jason is, how desperate to get her back, that he’s shocked this is happening. Oh, and Jason is filming in England now:

They make sure to say Jason is not a ‘crazy ex’ that he’s just REALLY heartbroken, crying on the phone to friends, and telling Olivia he wants their life together back, but she is too infatuated, not in love, just infatuated and isn’t changing her mind for now:

So this is where we are at. We are due the next phase of this stunt, which I think they will start soon. 

But bear in mind, that all this mess and speculation, and assigning blame, etc. ALL OF IT, is the press creating the drama. Sure they introduced the conflicting sources, BUT they did that because THIS IS THEIR PR STRATEGY. All they had to do was give People Magazine a source that contradicted the other source and say ‘oh no Jolivia broke up in November’. And BAAAMMMM. We’ve had 2 weeks of daily articles about this mess. This is exactly what they wanted. They are everywhere. Their movie is everywhere.

I’ve gotten questions like:

“I don't understand that if this was a stunt created by them to promote the movie and Olivia, why would they be putting her in such a bad light right now. Like if they wanted this clean cut to promote idk why they'd drag her through the mud?”

“If this is a PR stunt why would they be making Olivia to look so terrible?”

“Wouldn't that make her reputation suffer or do they not really care about that since Hollywood is so fake?”

And the answer to them is basically this: in the grand-scheme of things, the fact that she is being portrayed in a bit of bad light right now doesn’t matter. This is just the current narrative surrounding the story, but it will change soon. It has no lasting effect. Next week or whenever it may be, when they move the stunt narrative, she’ll be portrayed differently. When this is all done, the story won’t look like it does right now. They switched the narrative so fast from Jolivia being done for a year, to them having recently broke up - and they’ll do it again.

And this has no real impact on their reputations in the industry either. It’ll blow over. It happens to every actor. Everyone in the industry knows it’s PR, they all do it - no one is pressed. It won’t affect their acting careers negatively. It’s actually accomplishing the opposite by giving everyone intense press coverage and helping their movie be more successful - which ultimately helps everyone’s careers.

Also this stunt was likely pushed by the studio as well, so they’re not viewing anyone involved in this in a bad light bc they’re the ones who created the storyline for the stunt to begin with.

If you’ve noticed, Harry is barely in the narrative, it’s mostly about Olivia and Jason. That’s what they’re focusing on. Harry was introduced to the ‘plot of the stunt’ so they could create the drama. But he’s a secondary character here.

If they go the direction I think they’re going with this stunt - that Olivia and Jason get back together and they say Harry was simply a friend, then this whole mess won’t matter in the end. It will simply be taken as: oh look the media just made a big fuss about nothing again. I mean it’s so obvious, Holivia has so many ‘insiders’ and ‘sources’ - how many gossip story couples with these many inside sources and heavy press coverage have you seen last more than a few months? Yeah...it’s the oldest PR trick ever.

This anon basically summed it up pretty well:

“Despite all of the shit it's STILL that he wants her back narrative. "And following whispers of flirty text messages and behind-the-scenes arguments, heart-broken Jason remains determined to win Olivia back, despite insiders painting an increasingly chaotic picture of their life away from the film set where her fling with Harry was first sparked." It looks like the shred of truth in all of these stories is him wanting her back and then the tabloids have to make a crazy story around it.”

And this other anon hit the nail on the head:

“It's funny how successful this PR stunt it. Multiple articles every day, new storylines more crazy than the last. The amount of promo Olivia and Jason are getting (and their projects) is astronomical. And Harry (especially his movie career, his music is just BARELY mentioned in all of these articles). And their favorite brands. We started with Olivia/Harry articles and now have Jason centered articles repeating he wants her back. Which leaves everything open since no one "confirms" things.”

[mvnvgedmischief]

unremarkable days.

summary: sirius black is trying to be a good man, a good brother, a good person. Sirius has a steady job designing book covers for a publishing house, a flat he never leaves, and a traumatized brother who was just removed from the custody of his parents. All in all, it's wildly unremarkable.

chapter:  4/?

characters: sirius black, regulus black, wolfstar, background marauders

tags: tw: canon compliant abuse, child abuse, social services, abuse

words: 3. 8 k

read it on ao3 here

read the last chapter here

Sirius knew that work was going to be high stress all day. He felt sick to his stomach, thinking about the way he would continuously have to talk to people, when all he wanted was some peace. He wanted downtime. Time when he didn’t have to think about how he needed his paycheck to put food on the table, clothes on his brother’s back, pay bills to keep his lights on, wifi for homework. Regulus occupied his thoughts at all times, protecting him was Sirius’s only priority these days. He didn’t have time for anything else. Not his friends, not his interests, not music. Nothing could come between his focus and his brother’s wellbeing, because if it did, Sirius would never forgive himself. The consequences were too dire. So instead, he just wished for downtime that wouldn’t come, and prayed for the weekend to approach even faster. 

The weekend, when he could finally sleep again, albeit not well. The weekend, when he had the time to take a breath, even if it was only brief. Because his weekends were also spent finding ways to better equip his apartment for his younger brother, going to long grocery runs so Regulus had lunch to take to school, meal prepping all of the things he couldn’t bring himself to eat for dinner. He was definitely tired of all of the ways his mind was spiraling out, he didn’t have the time. He didn’t fault Regulus for it, it wasn’t the teen's presence in his life that was causing all this stress. It really was his own fault. A bit of crying at that first hearing had given Walburga and Orion the satisfaction of a victory over him at that first hearing, and they seemed to crave more of that chaos. They wanted to watch their children suffer, and this was how they chose to do that. So instead he spiraled in the privacy of his own home, because he could practically hear the words they burned into his mind whenever he saw them, and feel the ache of old beatings. 

But it was only Thursday, and that meant he still had to do this all day, and  then get berated by the rest of the team for not attending their weekly bonding happy hour. If he was lucky,  no  one would ask him to go. He knew he should be less terrified of them asking, most of the people on his team were his friends. There was simply the question of Remus, and Sirius didn’t have the time to be thinking about him in the first place. 

He didn’t have time to think about  the way his hair curled just the right way to fall into his eyes when he slept, or the way his caramel freckles made him look sunkist. He didn’t have time to think about the  pink scars that ran down Remus’s face or how they got there. He definitely didn;’t have time to think of the comfort  of his hand combing through Sirius’s own mop of unruly curls. So instead, he needs to  put  all of that out  of his mind. It wasn’t going to help him do well at work. It wasn’t going to solve his problems. He didn’t have the  time for this, nor did he have the emotional bandwidth. Perhaps that was why Sirius was conveniently avoiding the idea that he had asked Remus on a date. With some luck, Remus would think he was just an asshole who ghosted him. That was definitely complicated by the fact that they worked together, that he couldn’t just disappear. He wanted to, he really did, because there was simply no time. 

He set up his deliverables as though he had made tons of them, because his employment in this company  rode on it. Just two months ago, he was pegged to be promoted within the next two cycles, and now he could barely hold on to his sanity enough to handle his workload. He was so fucking tired, and he had so much on his plate. He needed to mentally prepare himself for the long day of meetings ahead of him. He had no true motivation to do his job right now, all he knew was that his exhaustion was no excuse. He knew that his boss, Alice, was giving him a whole lot of leeway right now. She was probably doing more than she should to help him. Being a mentor on the senior design team didn’t mean she needed to keep tabs on his personal life and pick up his slack. 

“Sirius–” 

When Sirius focused back into the meeting he was calling into, it occurred to him that they’re talking to him. So he did what he always did, blamed it on a shoddy connection. 

“Oh, sorry, can you repeat that? My audio cut out.” 

“Remus was saying that some of  the poems could probably use illustrations, and he was wondering if you had any ideas on which ones needed it.” 

“Thanks, Peter.” Sirius was glad that he knew the people on this team, that Peter and James were as close to him as anyone could be. Because otherwise, he’d probably be fucked. 

“So I was looking through them, and I was thinking Bite, Magick, and Love I could probably use larger scale illustrations. But at the same time, we don’t want to crowd the book. How attached are you to the current order or page arrangement?” 

It felt too close, but he was lucky that he had at least read the titles of some of the poems in the first half of the book. Sirius knew Remus didn’t actually know what his level of involvement was. He thought it was just doodles, but Sirius would be responsible for presenting everything from kearning and font choice within the pages, to illustration and cover art to the design team. He was integral to the success of this book as a product, and he  needed to start acting like it. 

“I’m pretty attached.” Remus sounded cold to Sirius, and he wondered what exactly he had done wrong in this meeting. And yet, he didn’t have time to think on it. He needed to keep things moving, keep getting valuable information out of the author. Hook up be damned, Sirius needed this book to actually get off the ground. 

 “Okay, well we should get a meeting on the calender to discuss. What poems and what scale of illustrations you want–” 

“Shouldn’t you be deciding what the illustrations look like and the logistics of those. Isn’t that what you  get paid for?” Remus really wasn’t making this easy on Sirius. But he had dealt with bigger demons and divas then whatever this attitude was. So he put on a light and airy smile, one they’d never know didn’t reach his eyes over the low quality webcam and nodded. 

“If you’d like to take a hands off approach with the design work, that can absolutely be arranged. But in the case of a fledgling project with a new author, the design team, myself included, really hope to prioritize your artistic license so that we can get a better sense of your vision for your literature, should Quill move forward with other publications in the future.  We can provide a completely in-house service, with as much input as you feel necessary during the design process, and deliver collateral towards the end of the project when final edits are done, if you would prefer, Mister Lupin.” 

Sirius practically wanted to scream. He needed Remus to stop fucking with his job, with his livelihood. He couldn’t lose this project. He needed all of the billable hours he could get if he was going to justify the overtime he needed in order to provide for his brother. This was ridiculous. But his clinical and polite answer must have thrown Remus, because he didn’t get much more attitude out of him. The back and forth had ended. So instead, Sirius pulled up his deliverables for the week, which included new iterations for the covers, and twelve illustrations for the three poems he had mentioned. 

He noticed the way Remus looked at his drawings, like he was pained by whatever his thoughts were, and Sirius wants to scream that he’s under no obligation to think that they’re good. But then he remembers that Remus seemed to be nitpicking on purpose, based on his critique of the design system itself. Sirius didn’t have the time to deal with that level of petty, just because he hadn’t been answering. He was too busy. He had too much on his plate. So instead he continues his presentation. 

“I don’t like any of these. Maybe you should start over.” Remus sounded vindictive, even mean. Like he was doing this out of spite.  Sirius could feel his heart drop in that moment. He didn’t want to start over. He didn’t have the time. 

“What do you not like about them?” Sirius is trying to salvage his work while he can. 

“The vibe is off.”

“Oh, is there something specific that throws it off or...” Sirius trailed off, wondering what exactly he needed to change. 

“No, it’s the whole thing. All of them are just off.” 

Sirius needed to think quick on his feet. He didn’t have the time to start from scratch, so he pulled up his original thumbnails that he had discussed with Remus. 

“These are the original sketches we discussed. I moved forward with the ones we talked about. I’m happy to rework those sketches,” no, he wasn’t. “But if there’s another sketch that you think would fit your vision better, please let me know.” He felt like he was pleading with Remus not to hate his artwork. He’d be a liar if he said it wasn’t a blow to his self esteem to hear that everything that he did was bad. 

“No, I would suggest you start over.” 

Sirius nodded, his mind immediately whirring with ways he could start over and re-design this project. He really didn’t want to do it. He didn’t want to do hundreds of thumbnails to get set on thirty, only to be destroyed in a meeting again. Especially when Remus seemed so excited about all of his illustrations before the meetings. It felt like too much. He didn’t have the energy for this kind of behavior. 

Luckily, Marlene directed the conversation away from Sirius’s work. The rest of the call went on without a hitch, like the only person who’s work Remus had a problem with was Sirius’s. He knew that it was more likely for Remus to have a problem with him, because design work was usually something an artist thought of as easy; however, this felt calculated and cold. If Sirius had been avoiding Remus before, it definitely wasn’t about to get better. So instead, he listened to the end of the meeting, and started the project all over again. He could do this. It was an unremarkable critique. It didn’t matter.

[hauntedflxwers]

Two People You Never Piss Off

Or as I like to call it: Luka rips Lila a new one

This is the first story I’m posting on here and it’s very Lila bashing and takes place after the season 3 finale has happened so spoilers!!!! just in case

Word count: 2965

With all that out of the way, I hope any of y’all who read it enjoy it!

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Luka sat some distance away from his sister and her friends, perfectly content to listen to them having fun while he played his guitar and watched. Something nagged at his mind, however: he recognised everyone there - Juleka, Rose, Alix, Mylene and Alya - except one girl. With two ugly sausages on the side of her head - he really had no clue what type of aesthetic she was reaching for with those, but either way she failed miserably - and a meek expression on her face as she spoke that seemed too carefully crafted to feel real, he could already hear what sort of melody he associated with her. It was sour and impure, a garbled mess of everyone else’s melodies and, quite frankly, it made him feel a little bit queasy. 

That wasn’t the main problem, however. He couldn’t help but be painfully aware of Marinette’s absence, and the way no one seemed to care about it either. Ever since Chloe had been akumatized on her parents’ anniversary, he’d been worried for her. He’d spoken with Juleka a few days after Ladybug had set everything back to normal, and he’d asked her if she’d noticed whether something was wrong with Marinette. Her answer hadn’t been very assuring. 

“Well,” he remembered her starting, dragging out the word as she thought. When she spoke again, her words had been slow and careful. “Marinette has had something against Lila since she came back from Achu, and she never normally hates someone that much. She keeps saying she’s lying but whenever she does Alya just dismisses her and says that she’s just jealous because Lila is close to Adrien. I always thought that was a bit weird, because she helped Adrien go on that date with Kagami even though it hurt her, but that’s not the point. I don’t know if Lila did something to her, but I think Marinette has a point, even if Alya would kill me for saying that - I mean, she knows Jagged Stone personally.” Juleka looked out of the window nervously before continuing. 

“But ever since Chloe and her parents got akumatized, she’s been acting really strange. It’s almost like she’s mourning someone, she’s been that upset. Whenever we ask her to hang out she either blows us off because she’s so busy or she comes but she ends up on her own. Alya asked her why she was so upset once and she just said she’d lost something important. Alya assumed it was because Adrien and Kagami were getting closer. But Rose thought she meant she’d lost something valuable, like an earring or something.”

Since then, he’d seen Marinette once or twice when he had to deliver something to the bakery. Every time, she seemed well. Happy, but reserved. Her melody was more subdued, but it also seemed more mature, like she herself had had an experience that made her wiser. It was unusual, but he’d just been happy that she’d been handling herself well. 

So seeing her friends without her, he was inclined to believe that she was just busy again. He was also inclined to believe that the sausage-girl was the Lila that Juleka told him Marinette didn’t like. The girl who could be lying. He focused on his guitar again and began to strum Marinette’s new melody softly. 

He didn’t know how much time had passed when he was interrupted by someone holding their hand out to him and quietly saying, “Hi.” He let his final chord finish playing before he looked up to see Lila in front of him, a warm albeit nervous smile on her face. “I’m Lila, and you must be Juleka’s brother Luka. I’ve heard a lot about you, you know. It’s so nice to meet you.”

Before he replied, she scooped up the skirt beneath her legs and sat next to her, making a point to flash him another smile. “The others have just gone to go and get some stuff, but they were so considerate of my arthritis that they told me to just wait up here so I didn’t injure myself! So I thought I’d come and introduce myself to you.”

As unpleasant as her melody was, he didn’t have any reason to distrust or dislike her yet, so he pushed those feelings aside in favour of watching her very carefully. “Well it’s nice to meet you too, Lila. Although, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you here before.”

She laughed with a wave of one hand. It was a pleasant, bubbly sound but there was something slightly off about it that he couldn’t place. “That’s because you haven’t seen me here before. See, Juleka has invited me here a lot but I’ve always been so busy fundraising or talking with leaders of charities or catching up on schoolwork I’ve missed while away for my mama’s business that this is the first time I’ve been able to accept it,” she explained. Immediately he noticed that she was someone who spoke with her hands, gesticulating and gesturing in random directions to make her explanations seem larger. Whether it was natural or something she’d learned to manipulate people, he wasn’t sure. She hadn’t done anything to indicate she was lying yet. 

He tried to hide his skepticism as he spoke, opting for a neutral, “Well, I’m glad you could make it this time, Lila. I’m sure you must have been upset to miss those first few times.”

Her face dropped and she gathered her hands in her lap, staring down at them pointedly as she replied, her voice quivering as she spoke. “Oh, I was really upset about it, but Juleka and the others were so nice about it, they didn’t even get mad when I told them I already had plans. You’re so lucky to have Juleka as a sister, you know. I’d kill to have someone as understanding as her in my family, but you know how it as an only child - you can only emulate those sorts of relationships. It makes me sort of envious of you and Juleka. You guys have always had that, while I’m going to have to search for someone who will trust me the same way I would.” Then she looked up at him, eyes going wide as if she realised she’d done something wrong. “Oh my goodness! I’m so sorry for unloading on you like that, especially when we don’t know each other that well!”

“It’s fine,” he reassured her, despite the conflicting feelings in his chest. On one hand, if she was genuine, he knew he would feel sympathy for her - a mixture of guilt due to inadvertently upsetting her and worry due to how scared she was of upsetting him - but if she was a liar like Marinette said, he knew he would be furious with her for trying to manipulate him into feeling bad, probably to butter him up for a lie. Both mindsets fought the other. “We all have something we need to take off our chest sometimes.”

She sniffled, head in hands before she looked up, cheeks pink and eyes wet around the edges and stared up at him for a moment before her face split into a wide grin and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders. “Oh, thank you Luka!” she hiccupped, tightening  her hold on him. “How can I repay you for being so kind and understanding?”

“Repay?” he asked. Where was she going with this?

“Well, you- you like Jagged Stone, don’t you? I could get you a ticket to his next concert!” she offered, pulling away and clasping her hands in front of her chest. Her voice was hopeful. “It wouldn’t be hard!”

His gut squirmed as he contemplated what to do next. This is it, Luka, he thought. This is where you find out whether she’s lying or not. “How would you do that? I don’t want you paying money just because I listened to you rant about your feelings.”

“It’ll be no trouble at all!” Lila waved him off, her change in mood a little jarring. “I don’t know whether Juleka told you or not already, but Jagged loves me - I’m like his . honorary daughter! He even wrote a song for me once!”

“Really? What song?” There was something suspicious about the way she paled. “If you say it, I’ll know which one you’re talking about.”

“Well,” she spluttered, picking at her nails sheepishly. “I said he wrote a song for me,  but I didn’t mean he published it. It would seem a bit weird to praise a 15 year old girl…”

“Actually, that depends on what he’s praised you for,” he countered. “Jagged Stone loved Marinette’s designs so much that he wouldn’t stop promoting her for another two months at least, but no one thought it was weird because he praised her designs, not her. Was he praising you for something you did or was it in a creepy, ‘this random girl is nice, she’s a minor, I’m an adult’ way?”

“I’m guessing Juleka didn’t tell you then?” she asked forcefully, eyes darting to where Juleka and her friends had gone. He shook his head and her shoulders tensed. “Well,” she dragged the word out as her melody began to go even more sour in the back of his mind. “Well, he made the song for me because I did something for him.”

“What did you do?” he asked curiously. “It must have been something dangerous if Jagged has had to keep quiet about it though, because he’s never mentioned you before on any of his social media.”

“I saved his pet from being run over at an airport once,” Lila admitted after what felt like ages, getting visibly nervous - tapping her foot against the floor and hunching her shoulders so that she was smaller, both of which were red flags for him. “My mama and I were on our way to another country for her work and I saw his pet nearly get run over by a plane so I saved it. I’ve had really bad tinnitus ever since.” As if to prove a point, she cupped her left ear with both hands and whimpered slightly. “It hurts, but I’m trying to be brave for everyone.”

“That doesn’t make sense though,” he mused out loud, watching as Lila froze. “Jagged loves Fang so much that he would never let him get anywhere close to somewhere he could be run over, so unless Fang escaped this would have never happened.”

“No, no!” Lila interrupted him hastily, waving both hands in front of her. “It wasn’t Fang, it was his kitten.”

He blinked in disbelief, then any sympathy he had for her was lost. She really had been lying to him and Juleka this entire time, without a care in the world. He took a deep breath before he said anything rash. Once he was calm, he continued. “Jagged is allergic to kittens, he said so in one of his interviews.”

“This was before he realised!”

“He said in his interview he found out about his allergies before he was an adult, and I’m pretty sure you weren’t born early enough to save his cat while he was a teenager.” He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “There’s no reason to lie to me, Lila. Not if it’s just to impress me.”

“I’m not lying!” she protested, voice raising in volume. “I don’t know why you’re attacking me like that!”

He shuffled away from her, raising his hands in the air to prove a point. “I’m not attacking you, Lila. I told you that you shouldn’t have to lie to impress me, that’s all. I’d much rather know the real Lila over the Lila who lies about Jagged Stone.”

“Oh, why do you care so much?” she snapped, meek demeanor disappearing. “It’s one lie!”

“Yeah, and that’s one lie you’ve told my sister, her classmates and Marinette. For all I know, you could have told more,” he countered evenly, struggling to contain his anger. “I’m pretty sure you were on the Ladyblog as well, with an interview about Ladybug being your best friend. Was that a lie too?”

“It’s only what Alya wanted to hear!”

“People want you to tell the truth, not get their hopes up.” He stared her down. “I want my sister to know that everything she’s being told is genuine. I want her friends to know that everything you say is the truth-”

“They all think it’s the truth anyway,” she hissed. “What’s the difference?”

“The difference is you’re lying,” he said cooly. “And if you’re reacting like this to me knowing, god knows how you reacted to Marinette knowing.”

“It’s always about Marinette, isn’t it?” Lila all but yelled at him. Her eyes glared daggers at him, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. “I bet with your crush on her, she convinced you into believing I lied and you just went along with it, didn’t she?”

“Of course she didn’t. Marinette doesn’t like liars but she’s not cruel like that. I drew my own conclusions based on your inconsistencies. Besides, if Marinette wanted people to know you were a liar, she’d go about it in a way you wouldn’t expect her to. She’s not dumb.”

“Of course she’s not dumb!” Lila shot back. “If she’s smart enough to see through my lies she can’t be as dumb as this class! It’s why she’s so annoying!”

He folded his arms. “I’m guessing Ladybug doesn’t like you either?”

“How the hell do I know?” Lila shrugged viciously, expression getting more and more sour by the second. “She’s a bloody superhero, she doesn’t wear her heart on her sleeve! I don’t even know if she has one! She has a brain where her heart is and a cavity in her head that makes her dangerous, because she could hate me and I’d never know because it’s stuck in her stupid head and not on her face! All I know is that she hasn’t called me out yet and every time she sees me she just encourages me to be honest instead of yelling at me, like she realised her mistake.”

“Mistake?”

“Doesn’t matter. But no, we’re not friends. There, you happy?” She was so angry that it was almost amusing, but he shoved that feeling down. “I hate her, she ruined my chances with Adrien and then gave me a half-assed apology like I was supposed to just accept it? Does she think I’m an idiot?”

“What you’re missing, Lila is a crucial piece of advice if you’re going to continue playing this stupid game.” He ran his fingers over the strings of his guitar as Lila opened her mouth, then closed it, then glared at him expectantly. “It doesn’t matter whether you’re an idiot or not. There are two people in this world that you never piss off.”

“And who would those people be?”

“I think you already know,” he smiled in vindication at the way her expression fell. “But just in case, I’ll remind you. There are two people you never piss off, and they’re Ladybug and Marinette.”

“And why might that be?” Lila was tense as she waited for his answer, eyes darting to and fro. They both knew Juleka could return at any moment. “What’s so special about them?”

“Ladybug has her mind, her Lucky Charm, her word and Chat Noir on her side, while you don’t even have your own word, you just have a reporter who blindly follows you, but even she’ll believe Ladybug over you. Marinette is your class representative, it wouldn’t be hard for her to expose you, especially considering she can contact Jagged Stone whenever she wants.”

“She can?” Lila spluttered. “But she’s a minor! Isn’t that illegal?”

“Not when it’s purely professional, or when his number is on her parents’ phones, or when her parents consented to it.” Lila paled. “Besides that, Marinette is as smart as Ladybug, maybe even smarter. If she wanted to, it would probably only take a day for her to take you down, like you did when she nearly got expelled, except she knows how to cover her tracks.”

At that, Lila scowled. “They still believed it.”

He shrugged. “From what I’ve heard, it was circumstantial at best, you just had so many disabilities people had to cater to that there was no way you could have stolen the papers, or planted the necklace to anyone who didn’t know. Besides, if they believed that, who’s to say they wouldn’t believe Marinette if she did the exact same thing to you, but with real, indisputable proof?”

“They haven’t believed her yet!”

“They haven’t, I’ll admit it, but what has Marinette done to you besides say you’re lying? She hasn’t even begun to gather evidence because she’s playing nice, god knows why.” Lila swallowed at that. Then her eyes widened as she looked past his shoulder. 

“Well, I hate to cut this short,” she said, gritting her teeth into a smile. “But Juleka and her friends are back, so I have to go now. It was nice meeting you, Luka.” She stood up hurriedly, brushing any dirt off her skirt before she hurried over to his sister and her group of friends.

“It was nice meeting you Lila,” he murmured with a smile, knowing he’d won. Closing his eyes and leaning back, he returned to playing Marinette’s melody, noting somewhere in the back of his mind how similar it was to the one that played in the back of his mind when he met Ladybug when Desperada attacked as the sun shone across his face. 

There were two people he knew to never piss off, and their melodies were so similar he knew exactly why that was the case.

[tripstaysnoided]

Flow Just Like Water

Story and writing-related transparency update and my many shames...

The Question on Everyone’s Mind

“Hey you haven’t updated No Stars over Uptown in almost a year...”

Hmm, I hate it when you’re right. (This section has been rewritten ad-nauseam to curb back the bitchiness by the way)

So back in early/mid 2018, the idea was to divorce Uptown from a person who influenced it (and myself) heavily. She was my most important audience member, the closest friend I ever had, and unfortunately someone who used her power to bully, ostracize, and hurt others with my help. I cut contact when the hurt + some self-awareness finally reached me. Apologies were made and I feel like my work will never be done with it, but there was still Uptown.

Between censored comments, entirely recasting Axel’s save, different plot threads, and a load of disclaimers, there was nothing that would scrub her influence from the story. There was no way to cleanly drop everything because of how deep her influence went. It disgusted me to look back at it, and I had to private the blog because I feared what it endorsed, even if just in the past.

I pulled back from that sims writing community. I had its main thread on the Official Forums removed too (I guess if that was a mystery to anyone). It was a surrender that I never wanted to do, but I had it in my mind that if I was gone, then she wouldn’t be there either. Uptown became this cursed item, and as I quietly retired it, I noticed that she went quieter too. Not gone, but enough to make me sleep easier at night and even occasionally say hello to old friends.

And I hope deep in my heart that no one else is getting hurt in my place, but now this is gonna haunt me all day huh!

The two paths forward...

1) Complete Uptown rewrite that I’ve been threatening everyone with all year. While it won’t ever be clean because I can’t undo time, I do have a sound outline for a story that is much more true to my actual vision and how I’ve evolved, with a few necessary boundaries in place that are going to be there for all stories moving forward: no more casting calls and no more collaborative efforts. I am not going to open myself up to this happening again, even if the people have changed.

2) Same as above, but I continue the original Uptown as a favor to loyal readers alongside the rewrite. I would try to put the effort into it that I initially did, but with no promises on an update schedule and no advertising. I did ask myself “is there Patreon but without pledging money, just the private posts function” but it could operate as part of a private forum, a members-only part of a website, etc.

Also readers of the original would be beholden to a rule of “don’t spoil the rewrite for new readers, c’mon guys”. I mean, not really, but it is a good courtesy to extend to people.

Priority on this isn’t high but you at least will see what is!

I will probably make the blog public again either way due to the many broken links on my Tumblr but we’ll see. There are other things to deal with as I shall list!

Where Life’s Been Regardless

Been spending more time with my grandpa every weekend. Life’s pretty good and he’s warming up to my dogs.

Shiny New Webbed Site

Cucumber Fields Forever is a site I own now. We have a full domain, cucumberfieldsforever.com, a blog with one post, and the framework needed to host stories the way I want to and still through WordPress. The functionality of likes, comments, and following should still be the same but you know...I’ll take feedback too...

The main blog still has an undefined purpose though I do have drafts sitting around about:

The maybe/maybe not hoax band that was on the Metal Archives and the history of Funeral Doom Metal.

The curious case of when Sims 4 babies get their genetics and my only collaboration (read: was talking about it with a friend and might quote her if needed, it’s actually a bit of a doozy)

Amazon.com’s fake dried udon noodles, an actual issue by the way.

Things I’m reading! (This’d be a monthly feature if so)

For the sake of unity, I am thinking of solutions for hosting old and shameful content there including Uptown and for the real fans in my followers feed, Eight Cicadas...a world I totally have plans for too (not really). I don’t want them to be front-and-center, and that’s why I mentioned forums/members-only content. I finally have that power! Maybe.

Ooooh but what are the costs? Not too much to handle, that’s what. 😉 (Like really, I don’t need any hand-wringing about this, I can manage my finances)

Project Queue (In Order of Confirmedness)

Outrun the Scythe: have you seen me post out-of-context Sims 3 pictures? Did you want more? Did you hope it was Linda in Custody? If the answers are yes, yes, and “meh, whatever you want”, then you’re in luck.

Outrun the Scythe is a Sims 3-based tale of a young gay man and his zombie grandma, as they are both offered separate roles of being the undying intermediaries between the world of humans and the influence of a race of space daemons. It’s pretty familiar if you’ve been following me pre-Uptown, taking some cues from stories I’ve kept under lock and key like Eight Cicadas, The Chains of Lyra, and the not-so-locked-up Ironstar Immortals (of which Outrun is just the direct sequel to sans any retconning...ah the smell of early 2013 and performative heterosexuality)

Ah, back to my roots.

It’s a hybrid of gameplay, story, and lore about my little race of daemons with a lot of my own idiosyncrasies that I’m not really ashamed of: basing it off a super-polarizing Sims 3 challenge from a site I moderate, using a lot of EA’s pre-made townies and their genes, lots of unnecessary posemaking, stupid references. It’s a comfort to have in my roster.

While the first few chapters are in the middle of revision, I have around six in the queue and will be making this public when I have ten. I’m guessing December then?

Undocumented Black Widow Challenge: I just did this for fun/forum kudos (yes, in fact I have joined many forums), there was going to be a short story but it was quickly becoming something against my code of ethics. I mean, sims die and all. (read: I had to choose between “heterosexual widow” and “widow with some same-sex marriages that still end in tragedy, reinforcing negative stereotypes to the public for the sake of me not getting bored and detached during gameplay” so there were no good choices. Except for her affair with the mailwoman, 10/10) I hope to finish this before October ends and get my medal on Boolprop, I’m pretty far through it all. I might upload the sims involved anyways. This is for TS4.

I mentioned it because it’s keeping me busy. But not for long!

NaNoWriMo 2020: Dipping my toes into that again! It’s not sims-related, just a tale of lesbians, nosy neighbors, a haunted beach house, and some light murder and kidnapping. And I actually got my brother to scout out locations for me this weekend. If there’s any demand, I can share chapters as the rough drafts are finished, especially for the sake of proofreading.

Not saying I’m publishable, but wouldn’t it be nice? Will keep me occupied for much of November.

Untitled “Dear Diary” Challenge: Tired of feeling left out of the fun on the Boolprop forums, their “Dear Diary” challenge was the one that appealed to me the most on first glance. Why? Probably once I found an idea that let it be set in the early/mid-2000′s to begin with and explore some interesting characters through diary entries (which I have mixed feelings on as a literary device but I think that’s just me saying “well I didn’t like Dracula”, yes you get bonus points for writing it like a diary)

Also writing is the one skill I’m good at across multiple games. Wanna hear me bitch about the cooking skill tree in TS4 or riding in TS3? I’ll spare you.

I guess I could have included “spending time on Boolprop with old and new friends” in where my life has been. It’s a nice lil community if also a place with its own idiosyncrasies as well. So it doesn’t feel like I’m promoting another community if/when I make a thread there for Outrun the Scythe, I want to have a couple chapters of this ready to go by Outrun’s release, though it’s not gonna be the highest priority compared to it nor as long because I think I can blast through the gameplay quickly.

This one will be played in TS4 due to it having the easiest writing skill/I dunno variety is the spice of life. And hopefully another December release.

Defunded or Forgotten?: Oh shit I actually released stuff in 2020 and told no one? I do have a “mortifying ordeal of being known” sinking feeling whenever I get a site hit because it’s not my best work (but good enough) and veered sharply into issues I may be over my head in, though I try to be a good noodle with research and listening. Maybe hiding is bad after all.

Being based off a very flawed and incomplete Sims 3 challenge I found in the annals of the Official Forums, there’s a lot of behind-the-scenes work just making sense of things. And I’m scared of working on reconstructing the house but I haven’t abandoned the project yet. The story has eight chapters so far and is pretty game-based with some additions here and there. Scared of how long it could be though!

Date for this unknown.

Untitled Sunlit Tides Decadynasty: another year-long abandoned TS3 project with a much stupider reason why. Last update was about Hua getting ready for her wedding, and I wanted to do some poses for a bait-and-switch wedding chapter because to put it mildly, her real one was an absolute disaster.

Blender decided to fuck up its interface again, I got discouraged (this probably does account for some of the Uptown delays too), and when I decided to plow forward, it was for other projects instead.

Meanwhile I played all the way to Gen 5′s teenhood and the only thing stopping me is time (it takes almost 30 minutes to load the file right now, though they’ll be looking at moving towns in a couple gens) and maybe fear of the Logic skill.

Date for this also unknown but it’s easy to pump out updates once I’m in the groove for it. My third heir had a difficult life so maybe I’m just trying to bury it.

Also I just noticed the view count there was really good and probably because I linked it here on Tumblr last year. Thank you so much guys. I can’t really fret over views on Carl’s forum these days thanks to the years-long death spiral pretty much every forum anywhere has been riding on. But it’s a nice surprise. And it’s an alright little challenge recap to read during your lunch break or whatever.

The Wawas

I figured I’d end on the real news everyone wants! Both the chihuahuas are a year and a half now and reached their adult size around a year ago. For the most part, they are happy and healthy dogs.

[shy-magpie]

RQG 157

these things get long and are by definition one spoiler after another, so live blog under the cut

pre episode nonsense:

My hopes for this episode are mostly just the obvious: For Zolf to pull out of his spiral; for Azu to talk to someone about how she's doing; for Hamid to find his footing with the Kobolds (loving that they are devoting a proper arc to using unearned privilege/power rather than pretending it doesn't exist); more Cel lore; a Wug; and for someone to shake answers out of the Brorb. Not sure Alex is going to let us get to know the kids individually which makes sense as juggling 7 new NPCs would seriously cut into everyone else's screen time. I think we will get more of Skraak & Hamid working through their issues, and Skraak's helping the kids through recovery. If we are very lucky maybe Zolf & Skraak will talk rather than just have Zolf resent the Kobolds for putting Hamid in a place to fall into old habits. Okay lets hit play!

Episode live blogging:

Intros are quick: Zolf sounds low, Ben sounds higher energy than he was.

Oh the Brorb drawings come better when the other half is distracted but not thinking about the real topic.

Krakens are through out the globe, unknown numbers, not true instances of Shoin, network is down.

Cel and I both react to having Shoin be the one to come closest to a truly non physical form.*

Krakens are cloned brains in robot bodies. Specifically said Daleks not Jurassic Park.

Shoin thinks he sent a ransom note using the Kraken as a threat against the world.

Does not handle it well when Zolf hones in on that no one knows who he is, much less trembles at his name.**

Hamid follows Zolf's lead and twists it towards boasting about beating the Infection. The talking half doesn't seem to know how he did it as clearly as the drawing bit. Unfortunately its strictly surgical which would be hard to reproduce at scale even before you consider the side effects.

Quick huddle with the rest of the team:

Cel always wanted to go to London?

Zolf wants to ask more about how the infection works so they could prevent infection. Wilde thinks he is suggesting using Shoin's solution, I get Alex has to catch people up but I don't like Wilde being a paragraph behind me or underestimating Zolf.

Bryn wants to review the diary. Alex confirms the diary says he had a possible  way to "end it" as a whole.

They go back and Cel feigns being extremely impressed that Shoin might have a way to stop the infection. I think having time to regroup cut him off from his memory of the infection again. Alex spells out Shoin loses coherence whenever they bring up the infection/the time period around when he was infected.

Heal check time. Zolf crit fails. Azu got a 29 and can see where his theory was better than his surgery. It may be an aphasia (issues to with communication. can't get to certain words, some can't be spoken even if he understands the concept; others he can't understand if he hears them even if he uses the word/concept himself. Brain trauma, memory problems more severe the more recent you get, sounds like unable to store short term memory properly so anything longer ago than a week but after surgery likely lost.)

Cel switches to the simulacrum. He verbally dismisses it as a waste of time. His hand keeps drawing based on the previous question re:stopping the infection.

Alex calls for a sense motive. Zolf & Azu see the latest drawing is a landscape using technical notation. Its a barren mine. Yes! it's the entrance to Svalbard. Cel can see its a circuit. Alex makes us/Lydia wait until after he's done with the simulacrum stuff.

Shoin thinks using humans as your base design to improve from is the wrong approach, gives some credit to Francois Henri for taking a different approach.

The circuit maybe to transmit something, it needs an organic component. Cel couldn't roll much better then that so they probably need to kick it towards the Harlequins to set a team on.

Shoin is moaning about paying the bills. Took on the contract to provide Simulacrum fluidics to Damascus for the money.

Drawings change shape get less technical and focus on the cavern entrance. Ben catches it sounds yonic, Alex was trying to not go there but did he really think you could go from cave imagery to seed imagry without stopping there?

Hamid tries to get more on how he caught the infection.

Bryn and Alex spell out that to get answers you ask a real question he won't answer verbally but will answer with his hand, with a decoy to keep the talking him distracted while the hand answers.

Decoy question is about Harrison Campell.

Concept drawing of a person, overwhelmed by an image of a huge figure with lines going from the small to the large? Is he suggesting they plant someone they prepare to be infected, and have them infect it back?

Proofs? Minor changes between the proofs and published version of early Campbell books.

Another review session upstairs. Hamid's red string wall got cited as being useful! Cult of Hades/Wellington may have been the one to hire Shoin to make parts for Damascus. Zolf and Hamid talk briefly, about work and as dry "stick to the subject" as possible but they are talking productively.

Oh Ben finally gets in that the interrogation is hard on Zolf's knees because he has to keep his legs out of the cell. He snaps a little at Cel when they comment on cell vs Cel. Carter suggests "naughty box" which nicely derails that point of tension. Cel refers to Shoin as being more pleasant to talk to than Carter. Not sure if that undermines the tiny Cel/Carter ship or fuels it with tension.

Cel asks who hired Shoin to make Sim parts. He can answer directly. Well directly for him, it seems to be mostly justifying stealing Tesla's work on the basis that Tesla wasn't going to implement his theory. Hamid snipes him with a shot praising Edison to get him back on topic. Shoin says Edison was being backed by a big investor. Is it to much to hope this is Alex finally consolidating the factions? If Hades is Edison's investor (leaving Edison & co as effectively their minions, rather than a faction of their own) and the factory owners we can cut down on sides considerably.

He goes on about how he spied on Henri, religion as money maker. Shoin was directly approached by Hades lot. Shoin made sure his bits won't work since he didn't want competition. Wellington was his contact with Hades. Wellington always had a pair of cloaked figures.  Vinegar + squizard = funny? Could be useful.

Do not follow what is going on with the hand.

Shoin is still unstuck in time and thinks he is going to connect them. Cel unplugs the speaker on his villain speech. Cel induces a dream state by powering him down

~break~

Cel suggests  painlessly killing him. Zolf seconds the idea because its immoral to keep him like that.   Hamid points out the longer the keep him around the more likely it is for someone to be infected. Wilde rules they should kill and seal it off.

Cel & Zolf have an argument about having the Kobolds handle the remains. Cel calls Zolf out on his inconstant stance on whether the Kobolds can be infected because if he doesn't believe that then he is risking them.

Wilde is moving on? Cel suggests letting the Brorb die, putting it in a bag of holding, keeping the bag in the anti magic field.

They can't just call Einstein because using unofficial channels is bad when irregular behavior is a sign of infection(?)

Alex's unhealthy attitudes about productivity are called out when he refers to the time Wilde spends thinking/planning before getting their transport arranged as "working" (with the inverted commas) rather than considering it part of the work.

They work out possible paths if teleporting is off the table.

And the boys are snapping at each other again. Zolf, you can't flip out every time you are reminded that Hamid doesn't have the experience or expertise of a seasoned sailor. Yeah you did leave the team without your skills and maybe the kid was a bit green for a field promotion; but you know what? He did a fine job, and the other choices were Sasha, who wouldn't lead, and Bertie, who shouldn't. Just because stepping down was the right thing to do, doesn't mean you get to lose it when you are confronted with the mere allusion to the idea it had consequences.

Barnes tells Hamid why going over the pole is a really bad idea. That Azu's suggestion is carrying Hamid has troubling symbolism.

Zolf actually comes more or less to Hamid's defense by pointing out that all their options are bad options, so having a go at Hamid's idea in particular is unwarranted.

I'm not going to bother listing out options. They will pick one or won't need to pick one. If we have been a very good fandom Alex may reward us with Earhart coming back as their preferred transport.

There we go, Hamid suggests her, Zolf seizes on the idea compliments Hamid on it, and immediately takes it to Wilde. Thank God he isn't so far down he can't do that. If he isn't compulsively shooting down any hope (especially from Hamid) then he really is on the upswing from the low brought on by quarantine stress.

Lydia isn't happy that there isn't going to be an American chapter. Then again we wrote off Svalbard, so don't give up!

Its the Northwest Passage and its so weird realizing that not everyone has it as a cultural reference. Wonder if it's an Oregon thing or a US thing.

Yes it would have been cool, but I think Alex is not going to let us have cool new story arcs when we haven't played with the ones we have at home.

Einstein and Earhart are our two best transport options. I am a happy fan. Especially if Zolf has to use his family and Earhart’s reaching out to him near the end of the journey to appeal to her. I mean we did get more on Zolf's relationship with his family than I expected after Paris, so I'm not going to sulk if they don't pursue this, but it would be nice.

Conflicted as a fan, its hard to remember that this taking months extra is a bad thing when the end of the series is feeling too close for comfort.

Zolf, look at you leveraging your experience with moving even when things feel hopeless!

Cel I love you, kraken as submarine is brilliant. Air kraken is suggested by Carter.

Hamid plays with the ideas while Alex goes "why?". Because you are going to have to work a hell of a lot harder than that if you want Hamid to see it as a no win situation rather than proof he needs to redouble on cheerful creativity. Feeling like he had no options led to the worst parts of Hamid's life, the things he is truly ashamed of; having few losses outside of those, he is going to make Kirk's Kobayashi Maru hang ups look amateur.

Zolf is heading to the beach.

Cel is checking on their village.

Hamid wants to contact Einstein himself, Zolf says he should talk to Wilde about that. Hamid wants Zolf with him for that meeting. Zolf either doesn't want to be a safety blanket, wants Hamid to get used to dealing with Wilde directly, or completely missed Hamid offering a chance to work together because he is incapable of seeing Wilde as an opponent. He does say some nice things about being a team.

Hamid tells Cel to say hi to Jasper for them. He is good at the people side of leadership. Remembering names and relationships, knowing how to show he cares because it's important to Cel without overstepping. If Zolf can learn to let go of the rank stuff, they could be an unbeatable team of co leaders.

Zolf nods at Azu. Azu smiles proudly back. Alex jokes about not liking giving them time to heal because they coordinate.

Hamid offers hugs to both Cel and Zolf. Because this entire character is a "fuck you" to toxic masculinity and he is not afraid to openly show affection to his friends.

Cel gives him a great hug.

Zolf hesitates but gives him a pat on the shoulder. Hamid's has high enough charisma to make that not awkward. Good kid, accepting that Zolf is reaching out as far as he can.

Hamid talks to Skraak. Hamid is worried about taking the kids. Maybe Skraak can convince them to stay & help Jasper with science. Because RQG loves us and wants us to be happy, they are considering a fantasy some of us harbored since "science" as a serious possibility. Could solve the issue with Alex not wanting the kids to take up too much screen time too. Skraak is the perfect character for Hamid to have as his second. He believes in Hamid, and can be confided in, but isn't going to take an ounce of self pity or bullshit.

Alex that village better be okay. Smoke? Controlled burn. Ben lightens the mood. The tank is still guarding the village. The barricade is up but they are guarding about as well as a village of level 0(1?) characters can be expected to.

They are having a party and there is a bon fire. Because Alex knows we wouldn't have trusted him if there wasn't a little scare with the smoke. !puns

The village is visibly healing since the weather is fixed. They thank Cel but know better than to ask.

Jasper! Jasper is looking good. He stepped in as a leader of the village. Cel and I could burst with pride. Jasper thinks Cel is coming to stay, Cel tries to explain they are going to help save the other villages around the world and mentions that Jasper would like the Kobolds.

!puns

* One day I need to hunt down the right corner of SF because there has got to be a decent amount of trans humanist fiction for trans humans out there somewhere.

**Not sure if I should feel bad for hoping this gives him a safe target for his destructive tendencies. Ideally Zolf would get past that point without indulging his dark side lest he reinforce bad coping mechanisms. Ideally Zolf would have weekly therapy without the fate of the world on his shoulders too. Its the more personal version of looking forward to a fight after Hamid's been stressed because he seems to find cooking baddies cathartic.

[weaselbeaselpants]

That Krispy Cat: A Warning, part 3

The last of the images cause I don’t want this bitch on my computer anymore. 

Knowing tumblr I kept the images hidden JUUUUST in case no one reads the fine print and can’t tell I’m being critical of this and gets me in trouble.

VVV ((Just in case you thought the JewishGriffon piece assured everyone that Crispy couldn’t POSSIBLY hate people of color, some of her earliest Nazi art had her character Klaus beating up Amigo Bear. She also made Amigo into a liberal strawman. )) VVV

((Dialogue to one of her TROLLARIOUS pictures that featured Amigo:

Amigo Bear: *muttering* "Your leader was a !@#$% little #@%^!@$^*!, you fascist feather duster..." General Klaus: "Fräulein, Ich vant you to cover your ears und shut your eyes as tight as you can." Crispy: "How come, General?" General Klaus: "Klaus ist about to say und do very bad sings zhat he does not vant his little Edelweiß to see or hear." Crispy: "Alrighty!" General Klaus: "WHO SAID ZHAT ABOUT DER FÜHRER? WER DIE FICK GESAGT? WHO'S ZUH SCHLEIMIG LITTLE COMMUNIST-SCHEISS SCHWANZLUTSCHER DOWN ZHERE, WHO JUST SIGNED HIS OWN DEATH VARRANT? NIEMAND?! GOTTVERDAMMT STALIN SAID IT! HERVORRAGEND! VHICH VUN OF YOU VANTS TO BE ZUH FIRST TO FIND OUT ZUH HARD VAY VHY MEIN FEINDE CALLED MIR DER BUTCHER BIRD?" ))

^^^ ((BUTOPHERARTISGOODSOYOUCAN’TCOMPLAIN

also the disc. for this pic before it was deleted had a ‘joke’ about cooking Jews in ovens. Oh and yes, that IS Hitler she’s giving that ugly ass cupcake too.))

^^^ (( - Thanks dA I never would have known I had a notifications unless eclipse blah -

This is one of her rants about how #Triggered she is that Starlight be compared to the Nazis when she runs a communist cult. Because A) that’s the real problem here and B) I too get upset when people say my OC is based on Jeffrey Dahmer when he’s so CLEARLY based on Ed Gein, Bwwwaaaah D> D> D> !)) ^^^

VVV ((Ugly art of her friend’s awful OCs.)) ^^^

VVV ((Crispy showing off why no one wants to be a patriot in our country.)) VVV

((FYI, Crisp, that attitude will make the Hamilton fans stronger so just keep that SJW-flinging coming you little SJW.

WHAT?! Social Justice is a broad term and as Crispy’s plainly demonstrated, you can circle it around and make a majority-class sound like the real underprivledged if you have enough fancy frou frou know-how and furries. Also, if a Social Justice Warrior constitutes someone who takes their cause soooo seriously that they’re annoying/petting/cruel/stupid about it....idk I think Crispy qualified.))

^^^ ((Crispy and her friend muse about what other races occupy the world of MLP in her headcanon. This, more than any other dA disc. and picture shows you her brand of “Segregationist-Nationalism is OKAY” thinking, cuz the art of these different races isn’t super offensive or cruel and neither are the characters. BUT if you scratch under the surface you’ll find that Crispy really likes these different people staying in their place and not in “someone else’s” country.

THEN, this same kind of thinking is used to convince you any mix of cultures is just cultural appropriation, again acting like she and her Nazi-stans are the only ones standing up to actual bigotry.)) VVV

^^^ ((Crispy makes the world a worse place by bringing up actual decent points; like how Americans dress Thanksgiving up as progressive and for the natives when we all know that’s not true...all to better her worldview.

fyi, GET OUT whenever you see a selfproclaimed Nazi fawn over Native Americans, because: Nazi Germany had a deep fascination with American Indians and used their struggles about their land being taken away from them to justify their eugenic genocide.)) ^^^

^^^ (( Crispy laughing it up on Furaffinity how she couldn’t be banned from her Furaffinity and then mysteriously never using her site there wowie.)) ^^^

^^^ (( Crispy complaining about SOPA cause her freedom of speech and blahblahblah.

Freedom of Speech is important. Unfortunately what people like Crispy don’t understand or care for is there’s no freedom of consequence. )) vvv

VVV ((LOL Joseph Mengele was such a stinkah let’s tell blithe jokes about him. At least WE AREN’T LIKE HIM!!!)) VVVV

VVV ((Early onset eugenic BS from her Spyro stuff that would be easy to miss if you didn’t know what this woman was talking about)) VVV

((Crispy admitting she thinks gays are pointless cuz they don’t reproduce but apparently loves them anyway. Also big shock Crispy’s seen Hetalia.)) VVV

VVV ((Crispy probably wanting Weeaboos to attack her cuz aren’t Japan’s animations so laaaaaaazy?!!?!? GUUdd think��� I’m a naziaboo! Germany’s never made any shitty animation evah. You know what, I lied. She doesn’t deserve Hetalia. She just doesn’t.)) VVVV

VVV ((Crispy dragging Brazil down with her as the apparent “Best South American Country”. Yikes.)) VVV

VVV ((More “it’s trolling ergo it’s not harmful” shit. Bulgarians probably do deserve their own Care Bears, but they certainly don’t want yours Crispy.)) VVV

VVV ((Disc. for her Richard Spencer bear art)) VVV

------

I know, I know...this isn’t what you wanted to read today, guys. I know it’s offensive and I’m sorry if it made you ill. I also know I’m putting my own blog under fire by showing these images here but I think that should say something about dA’s bad policies that this art gets a filter slapped on it and nothing more when the artist is blatantly pro-fascist.

Crispy resonates with me so much - and no it’s not cause I DARED to be “triggered”.

It’s because, for one, she was talented. I MEAN I HAVE EYES! That’s some nicely drawn digital stuff I’m not gonna deny. She had some cool rewrites and sequel ideas that, had it come from someone else I would have eaten up and faved to hell and back onceupona2012. But I didn’t, where a ton of MLP and furry fans did because they undervalued their own talents and would say “well it’s pretty who cares about the message?” 

Unlike so many commercial+published artists, it’s REALLY hard to separate the art from the artist here because the artist is so connected and a part of her art and storytelling. If you fav her art, even if you didn’t like her, that was telling Crispy she’d won. It’s so defeating to have other artists say their gonna ignore their gut for the sake of prettypretty-Don-Bluth style art. And yes, that stigma DOES affect my view on 2D purists btw.

Crispy was so holier than thou’, and that attitude also was appealing to dA folks, not to mention her knowledge of art history by the time she dropped off the radar. Crispy was the kind of person who’d make long, detailed, justified rants against the design and color choices in Hazbin Hotel and then a bunch of antis would eat her redesigns up only to learn the awful truth later and embarrass themselves cuz they were so taken up by the craft they didn’t know they were reblogging a fucking Nazi.

Not to underplay Viv’s wrongdoings of course, but I’m sorry; the two aren’t comparable on the problematic artist meter. THAT’S HOW BAD CRISPY WAS.

If this somehow was just a faze and she’s come to her senses or doesn’t really think this shite she preaches...I don’t care. She said some vile shit and fuck no I’m not forgiving her. It’s like KenDraw or Shadman. You’ve changed your life around and realized you’ve done/drawn nasty shit that’s done real harm? Cool....I’m still not talking or ever promoting you, ya dingbat. You ain’t no Roman Polanski or Doug Tennaple. You’re a singular internet artist and any support of the project has to go to you - and you suck!

ThisCrispyKat was a wakeup call that showed me these people not only still exist but will be allowed to get away with it. I was very touchy bout this kind of thing back in the day. Fuck, I STILL AM TOUCHY. The rabbit holes I found thanks to Crispy opened up to reveal communities where people think my hair color’s going extinct. People would detail how much they wanted to rape me - a natural blonde - and kill my friends and family for not looking like me. That they want to jerk off in my naturally curly hair and see me in glowy German princess gowns preparing them dinner.

Crispy and other Nazistans would look at me; a blond-haired blue eyed Polish/German American woman and think I need to be “fixed” because I DARE to repeat propaganda that the Nazis were bad. They’d call me a traitor for thinking that celebrating the Nazi party ISN’T German pride.

HOW DARE YOU TELL ME THAT’S GERMAN PRIDE! I’LL SHOW YOU GERMAN PRIDE YOU EGOSTROKING-LIMPDICKED ATTENTION WHORES.

People like Crispy make it 1000x harder to actually show interest in German things. Because I AM interested in German shit btw.

Like for real: it’s a country I’d love to visit one day (at least the black forest, which is where my mom’s fam comes from). I love German art and German fairytales slap. I really do want to explore my heritage through art and stuff.

But guess what? Much as Crispy would argue to the contrary I DO know my WWII history and beyond and FUCK YOU if you honestly think jerking it to cuddly Nazi-furs is empowering or just “showing your interest in history”. Take your own advice and read a god-damn book.

TL;DR: I DO NOT have to be proud of Nazis to enjoy German culture and if you think otherwise, FUCK YOU. It’s a slap in the face to everyone even if you are ‘just trolling’ and it in no way values actual German’s feeling on the matter. It’s annoying how people undervalue real people just for the sake of fan art.

The Nazis were evil. They were racist, eugenic-genocidal idiots who killed over six million Jewish people, Romani, Slavs, Jehovahs Witnesses, disabled people, Poles, homosexuals and prisoners of war. They would have killed my dad’s side of the family if they were in Poland at the time. They made bullshit tanks that killed the people making them and didn’t work on the battlefield. Their leader was a fat, farting one-testicaled bastard who preferred animals to people.

They ruined everything for everyone and then took the easy way out, leaving the Germans that were left in the hands of the also-genocidal Soviets and Americans. Germany is still paying their war debts and now, 70-80 years later everyone else wants to laugh off this dark period of history with memes and forget what they did, and as such, are forgetting the victims of the genocide.

I have 0 tolerance for Nazi things for the sake of HUMANITY, let alone the individual groups they target. I don’t have to have German ancestry or know a single Jewish person to tell you any of this. It’s fucking history.

Eat shit.

[dropintomanga]

The Manga World’s More Than Just Jump

Whenever I hear about what is arguably the best way to read manga online that supports the manga industry in North America, I usually get one answer - Viz’s Shonen Jump app. The app is promoted by almost all manga industry/press/bloggers/podcasters in the West as THE option to read manga legally.

The Shonen Jump app has almost every series from the Japanese version of Jump along with a few other Jump titles published in other Jump-related magazines. They come out the same release day as the magazines do in Japan. You get all of this for about $2 a month.

It’s an amazing deal and yet I’m somewhat concerned about Shonen Jump being treated as the answer to satisfy one’s digital manga needs.

There are a few manga folks that feel readers have to be exposed more to other legal manga sources besides Jump. I have to agree with those people.

Just because it’s the prevalent option doesn’t mean it will satisfy everyone’s needs. Not everyone likes material from Shonen Jump or shonen in general. There’s other services that don’t get as much attention due to lack of promotional resources. I also realize that certain notable manga services are terrible (Crunchyroll Manga being one of them).

Why is it that people talk about the US edition Shonen Jump like that’s the best option to read cheap legal manga when it may not exactly be the case? I think I’ll discuss this by talking about how cognitive biases play a role.

It could come down to salience. Shonen Jump series are prominent among comics and manga fandom. Many series from Jump are recognizable to fans all across the world. What anime/manga fan doesn’t know about One Piece, Naruto, Dragon Ball, My Hero Academia, Demon Slayer, etc.? All of those series were/are published in the pages of Jump. They’re also easy to remember due to constant exposure via anime and merchandise.

Salience is a notable cognitive bias because we usually recognize certain features that make something worthwhile without considering a larger picture. For Jump, it can be the price point and the amount of content available for that price point. The larger picture being that there’s other excellent manga worth reading outside of Jump. This isn’t to place blame on Jump advocates; the mind can make you think more about what’s directly apparent compared to what’s more realistic.

Another cognitive bias with regards to “Jump is your answer to every digital manga need!” is the availability heuristic. What this bias does is that it makes you overestimate the importance of any information that’s available to you. Because of how available Jump is, any advocate with this bias might say something like “Oh, you can read Jump online. A lot of my friends read it as their legit option. It’s got what you want.” Because Jump is read by “everyone,” it must be important. As we sometimes know, importance can be different for certain manga readers.

One final cognitive bias that I think that applies here is the bandwagon effect. If multiple people believe in something, you start to feel the same. I sense this with Jump. When you have so many manga folks tout Jump like it’s the best digital manga experience today, the people around them start to tout it too. The bandwagon effect is very associated with sports, with regards to successful teams and casual fans flocking to them and leaving them when the joyride is over. It can be harmless at times, but the problem with the bandwagon is that it leads to groupthink. Groupthink can lead to people ignoring valuable outside opinions and feedback in favor of what their own circles say.

I love what Viz has done with their Shonen Jump service and I know it’s not enough. I do take Shonen Jump for what it is - a mainstream gateway into a world that leads to possibilities for manga readers to see what’s out there. While there is open variety (Jump today is fantastic with its current lineup), it also feels closed due to how much freedom one can take. Some Shonen Jump titles start off well and end up falling flat as they get longer. This felt very apparent with regards to how the popularity of Food Wars (which had a great premise) fell off a cliff after a certain point.

Perhaps the next step (or even a better idea) is how to address the cognitive bias of manga readers and help them get past their own form of groupthink. There’s no guarantee that many casual online manga fans will read more than just Jump or any “mainstream” manga titles in general when so much emphasis is placed on Jump. I wonder if that’s enough for an industry that’s still facing a lot of problems. A majority of legal digital manga aren’t exactly budget-friendly. It will take the right manga service provider to give a user-friendly outlet that delivers an even wider variety of titles for manga fans itching for alternative works. Some folks are trying and it will be a process.

Dealing with any kind of bias is never easy. At the very least, acknowledging them is a kind of “jump” that can fill someone with the same principles Shonen Jump preaches. Friendship, hard work, and victory all mean something with reading and promoting noteworthy titles that lie outside of one’s own comfort zone. 

More info:

Cognitive Bias - ResearchGate - https://www.researchgate.net/publication/317344882_Cognitive_bias

Yatta-Tachi’s List of Legal Online Manga Sites - https://yattatachi.com/legal-online-manga-sites